#hi ezra!!!!!! i hope youre well my friend <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[frozenmagz]

ooo... stretch!!

STREEEEEEEETCH look at that little sleepy face 😸 i am introducing my kitties to my in-laws' kitty because we're going away for thanksgiving, my poor little goobie is trying to get along and my hammy is being a scaredy disguised as a grumpster. as per usual when they meet new animals 🫡

[peachy-panic]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time (pt. 3)

Takes place directly after this.

WARNINGS: BBU, power dynamics, talk of corrupt prison system, past noncon

The mug of tea that Ezra made for Jaime sits, cooling and untouched, on the coffee table. Jaime has opted for a spot on the rug, curled in on himself with his knees hugged tight to his chest. Sebastian and Ezra follow suit, of course, sinking down across from him, but it doesn’t escape anyone’s notice—his instinct to place himself on the floor. At least he isn’t kneeling anymore.

Sebastian aches at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes, at the hollowness in his voice, at the memory of him shaking and terrified on the hardwood, forever seared into his temporal lobe. He aches to make this right, and he prays, helplessly, that he hasn’t just watched every brick they’ve laid together crumble before their eyes. 

“Would you like to ask us anything, Jaime?” Ezra begins, and Sebastian is once again grateful to have him here, ever the voice of reason.

Jaime’s swallow is loud enough to sound painful. “You don’t have to explain yourselves to me.”

He’s so closed off like this, even harder to read than usual. Is it resentment in his voice, or defeat? Sebastian doesn’t know how to reach him. 

“I rather think we do,” Ezra counters.

Jaime looks quickly to Sebastian, then down at his knees. “I don’t know what to ask.”

“Okay,” Ezra accepts easily, and Sebastian chimes in with an encouraging nod. “Would it be alright if I asked you a question? With the caveat that you do not have to answer.”

“Okay,” he agrees without looking up. 

“Has Julian—has Handler Hernandez—ever hurt you?”

Jaime’s eyes snap to him then, surprised. Ezra must spot the impending panic that Sebastian sees as well, because he raises a palm to clarify. “I know the rules against speaking about your training. I hope that you can still trust that we will never betray your confidence, but as I said, you don’t have to answer.”

“You…” Jaime begins, then falters. “But he’s your friend. Why would you believe me?”

Sebastian feels like he’s been shot in the chest. 

“You are my friend, too,” Ezra says easily. 

“Your word means everything to me, Jaime,” Sebastian adds. Those brown eyes turn on him, and maybe it’s just wishful thinking that they aren’t quite as guarded this time. “I will always believe you.”

Jaime stares at him. His gaze has never felt so heavy, as if he’s trying to see past the layers of Sebastian’s skin in search of the truth in his promise. Then, slowly, his eyes go unfocused. 

The silence goes on long enough to worry Sebastian. A hundred different possibilities come to mind, spiking his blood pressure. The idea that Jaime is bracing himself to tell them that Julian is, in fact, one of the monsters in his nightmares makes Sebastian want to peel out of the house after him and put his hands around his throat. It doesn’t matter that Julian could probably break Sebastian in half on a good day. If Jaime even implies that Julian has been hiding behind his history with the resistance as a means of abusing trainees under the radar, Sebastian will fucking—

“He didn’t,” Jaime says quietly, pulling Sebastian back to earth. “I… He… He isn’t my primary. We didn’t interact all that often, but when we did…” He shakes his head. “He wasn’t one of the handlers who crossed a line.”

Handlers, plural.

He doesn’t even think that Jaime is aware of the word choice that has sent Sebastian spiraling all over again. Multiple handlers. Multiple handlers have “crossed a line” with Jaime in that facility, a few hundred feet away from where Sebastian works. It’s not… He can’t call it a surprise. He remembers clearly the day in the clinic showers, seeing fresh bruises on Jaime’s skin, marked in places that left no room for questions. And the day in the facility bathrooms, when Sebastian walked in just as a handler was walking out, leaving Jaime alone in a stall. 

And, of course, he has had suspicions about Smith from the day he met him. Watching the way he interacts with his trainees is telling of what might happen behind closed doors. But hearing it out loud sits heavy in his chest. More than ever, he wants to burn that building to the ground with every handler locked inside. 

“That’s… good,” Sebastian manages, even though it’s a disgraceful choice of word.

Ezra nods in agreement, though. “I didn’t expect that he would have, but I wanted to hear it from you,” he says. “I have known Julian Hernandez for a long time, Jaime. I understand how it looks to you right now, but he is a good man.”

“He is one of them.” Jaime looks to Ezra when he says it, a fire in his eyes he has never shown Sebastian, wouldn’t dare turn on the person who holds his contract (or someone he also considers one of them—did he mean handlers or anyone who works there? That’s a spiral for later).

“Yes,” Ezra says evenly. “Officially, he is. And if he wasn’t, I never would have escaped.”

A stunned silence falls over them. Sebastian didn’t know that, either. 

Ezra reaches up to run a finger over the raised scar behind his ear, then looks from Sebastian to Jaime. “He helped remove the tracker himself,” he says. “Without him, we couldn’t have kept the removal undetected. It’s designed to be a bulletproof plan—it can’t be done without someone on the inside taking a risk. He never hesitated to help me.”

Jaime, mirroring him, raises a hand to touch the spot behind his ear where his own tracker is embedded in his skull. Sebastian’s stomach turns at the reminder, and he watches something like terror and wonder pass over his expression. 

“His story is a complicated one,” Ezra says. “I would like to tell you about it, if you’d like to hear it.” 

Jaime nods, and Sebastian leans in, just as eager to hear.

“Julian was in prison before I knew him,” Ezra begins. “He grew up in less than ideal circumstances and got wrapped into the wrong crowd. They got him into a lot of trouble when he was young, but it was all he knew. He was in and out of juvenile detention, and when he turned eighteen, he got a charge that stuck. He was sentenced to twenty years in prison.”  

Sebastian thinks about the playful way Aria nudges her shoulder against Julian’s when they’re together at the table, the way Julian moves so carefully around Ezra, as if he knows his very presence could be a trigger. Sebastian has been wary of him from the beginning, but even still, it’s hard to picture him as a hardened criminal. 

“This all happened right around when WRU was at its most precarious,” Ezra continues. “After the uprisings and public outrage against the Romantic sectors and the stories of extreme abuse coming to light. They were struggling to recover their image enough to stay afloat until the tides turned back in their favor, and they were specifically struggling to employ handlers. Nobody wanted to risk their reputation like that. They tried offering generous sign-on bonuses and increased salaries, but it still wasn’t enough to get them back where they needed to be. 

“Someone had the idea to create a pipeline from the prisons—a program that would train inmates who showed particular strengths and promise to become handlers as part of a contracted term, as an alternative to serving their time. Julian was one of them.”

Ezra looks from Jaime to Sebastian, clocking their looks of mirrored surprise. 

“I know that doesn’t make him clean,” he says. “It was a difficult situation, but it was still a choice that he made. For what it’s worth, he didn’t know much about the system at the time. And more to the point, he regretted it from day one. But backing out of the contract would have added ten years to his sentence. So he stayed.

“Aria met him within his first year. Really, she tracked him down. Pursued him. She had been searching for me for years. She knew I had disappeared into the system—that’s a story for another day. And she knew she needed someone on the inside to get me out. Julian was her way in. The way Aria tells it, he jumped at the chance. By then, he was eager for any way to make a bigger impact for the people suffering in that place.” He turns to Sebastian. “Reminds me of someone else I know.”

“Is that…?” They both turn at the sound of Jaime’s voice. He shrinks back a little at the attention, then clears his throat. “Sorry. Never mind.”

“What is it?” Sebastian says gently.

He opens his mouth, lips moving as he tries to form the words. He can’t look directly at Sebastian when he says, “Is that why you started working there? Because you wanted to help?”

(Okay, so it’s a spiral for right now).

Sebastian blinks. Behind his eyelids, he sees a flash of memory—nearly a year ago, lying on the floor of his apartment with a bottle of wine and an open laptop, looking at the job listing that would change his life forever—and he feels so pathetic. 

He has this sick feeling that if he told Jaime that his reasons for applying were entirely selfless, only for the purposes of helping from the inside, he would believe him. 

Sure, it was always his intention to help as much as he could once he was there, but he knows it would be a magnanimous lie to say it was anything but fear that led him to the WRU website that night. His grace period for loans was up and he was stuck without a job, completely alone in the world. Desperate was the word he would have used for that night. That was before he met people like Jaime, who taught him what real desperation looked like. How could he look him in the eye and say that now?

“I was never trying to be a hero,” he says finally. “I wish I could tell you something different. I guess…” He swallows. “I guess, like Julian, I always intended to help, but it started with a self-serving motivation. I can’t pretend otherwise.”

As the words leave his mouth, he feels so small. Now it is he who has to look down. Somewhere in the course of the past few months, Jaime has become the most important person in his life. He finds it impossible to face his judgment

“Thank you,” Jaime says, surprising him. “For being honest.”

Sebastian shakes his head, feeling a little nauseous. “Please,” he says. “Don’t… don’t thank me.”

“I…” Jaime looks at him, hesitating, then seeming to draw strength from the silent approval on his face. “I never knew what to make of it. Of you being in that place. Sometimes I still…” He shakes his head, closing his eyes. “When you come home, I can smell it on you. That place. And it… It’s hard.”

Guilt eats through his stomach lining, threatening to dissolve him entirely where he sits. I’m going to quit, the thought comes to his head without hesitation. I will quit tomorrow. Right now. I will email in my resignation, no two weeks, no notice. I will never violate Jaime’s home, his safe space, with that nightmare again.

But it’s not that simple, is it? Without his connection to that place, will he jeopardize his chances of renewing Jaime’s contract? Without another job lined up right away, will he be able to pay for it? And what happens to the dozens of other patients he will leave to Greer’s cruel hands?

This isn’t the kind of decision he can make in a split second of emotion. Not anymore. 

From now on, though, he will shower before he leaves work. He will bring an extra pair of clothes and only leave them in the car to change. He can do that much at least. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian says.

“But you did help me,” Jaime says. “You do, I mean, presently. Obviously. I’m… I’m here. But back then, I mean. In the facility. You helped me so much.”

“It never felt like enough.”

“It was everything to me.” The intensity in his words draws Sebastian’s eyes back to his. “You kept me alive in that place. I’m glad you were there.”

It’s hard to take the words at face value when some part of him fears that Jaime is saying them out of some sense of obligation. But the worst thing he can do now is take any more agency away from Jaime by discounting anything he has to say. 

Before he can respond, though, Jaime asks, “You really would have believed me? If I told you that Handler—that your friend had hurt me?”

That requires no hesitation on Sebastian’s part. “I would have killed him myself.”

Jaime stares at him for a few seconds, nods, then finally wraps his hands around the cup of tea on the coffee table. Surely it’s cooled to room temperature by now, but he looks content as he takes a sip. 

“I’d like to say one more thing,” Ezra adds, gracefully ushering himself back into the conversation. “Jaime, nobody brought you here, into this circle, with explicit intentions of doing anything except making you comfortable and happy. Nobody is here to pressure you in any direction, especially with something as risky as this.” Ezra leans forward, fixing him with an earnest stare. “But you need to know that if you said the word, we would move mountains to get you out.”

****

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[delqcate]

hi love!! i was wondering if I could request something for scott barringer? i'm the same anon from yesterday btw :)) could it be something where they have like a frenemies type relationship? she's quite witty and a bit of a bitch to him, mainly because he's a jerk to her, but they're friends not down right enemies, almost like banter that they look forward to. then one day she takes a walk during a storm in the middle of the night, and catches scott outside in the middle of the night, and he's upset and tells her about what happened to him and she comforts him? and they like become something?

YOU'LL BE THE FIRST WHO EVER DID

when i got this req i was so excited because 1, i haven't wrote an ask in soooo long, and 2, this is sort of me experimenting with another type of character since in my eyes i always write them sweet n stuff. but anyways i hope you all enjoy this especially u anon! <3

warnings/cw: mentions of abuse (not from scott or reader), cussing, etc.

word count: 1.7k (FINALLY MORE THAN 100 WORDS)

paring: scott barringer x reader

The last class of the day had just finished, and after listening to Jeff's lecture all day you were ready to take a nap when you remembered that the Cliffhangers were assigned to kitchen cleaning duty. So after dropping off your things at the cabin, you make your way to meet with the others.

"Ezra, stop that. I'm not sure we even cleaned that yet!" Was the first thing you could hear from the kitchen, it was Kat's voice. As soon as you head inside you finally get a good view of the situation. Ezra had a soup pot on his head, which did look like it had a bit of dirt on the outside, everyone else was either cleaning or watching everything going on.

Expect one. The one that, despite all your banter, you could tolerate the most.

His eyes were on you again for a short moment before clearing his throat and letting his raspy voice fill your ears. "I could use your help over here." He looks back down at the sink and you nod once, heading over to him.

"Barringer." You mumble as you stand beside him, taking the washed dish from him and drying it up with a rag nearby. "Could you have been any more late? Being surrounded by these idiots is probably worse than being with you." He says as he finishes up another plate.

You scoff and put the plate down, taking the next plate to wash. "As if you're any better, I'm surprised Auggie and Ezra aren't sick of you being such a buzz kill." You put the plate down and move your gaze to him.

As if he could sense it, he moved his gaze to you. It was there again, that tension that always confused the both of you. Ever since the first day you met the both of you had this banter that everyone noticed, it was like sparks.

As weeks went by the both of you learned how to tolerate each other better, and while he could still be a jerk, he was a tolerable jerk. More tolerable than the rest anyway.

You notice a small grin on his face, and you return it as well. "Well, I only like being a buzz kill for you." He smirks and looks back at the sink. "And I like being late to piss you off." You smile sarcastically and head off to help everyone else. He turns his head to watch you for a moment, his eyes just couldn't leave you.

A handful of days had passed and the weather was getting worse each day, it was getting cold so you understood why. What you didn't understand was Scott hadn't been going to classes lately, and every time you tried to talk to him, he was a complete jerk just like the first time you two met.

You didn't understand why he was like this, maybe his emotions just like to change with the weather? It had been raining harder than usual and there were the occasional thunderstorms.

But you had other things to worry about, like the fact you decided to take a walk in the forest but instead was running around in the dark as the rain poured down on her. The thunder was loud, pounding in her ears.

You slowed down her moments to try and see anything through the storm, but it was just a view of never-ending trees. Until you heard footsteps, the splash of water, someone else was thankful out here with you. Unless it was an animal. Or a random person.

"Hello? Is anyone there!" You yell out, hoping they can hear you. "Over here!" They yell out, they sound familiar yet strange, as if something happened. You quickly rush over as their voice gets louder, yelping as you bump into them.

"Shit, I'm so sorry-" She looks up at her eyes widen, her breath hitching. "Scott? What are you doing out here?" You were speechless, you didn't expect him out of all people to be here. He had been isolating himself in the cabin.

"Let's just get back, ok? Who cares about me!" His raspy voice filled your ears, but this didn't sound like him trying to be a jerk. It sounded like he had just cried. "I care, Scott!" You suddenly yell out.

You would agree that both of you needed to find shelter before the rain gets worse or both of you would be stranded and get sick, but who cares about any of that right now?

"Please, why have you been isolating yourself from us?" You plead out to him, trying to read his eyes. He was always tough to read, he always hid his emotions in his cocky personality. You try reaching your hand for his but he immediately backs away, and your heart breaks.

Everyone knew what happened to Scott, his mother abusing him, but you dismissed it. Rumors always spread around here, it was probably made up, but this scared you because what if it was all true?

"I know- I know that you know..." his breath was heavy, his hand ran through his hair and his back hit the tree, slowly sliding down as he covered his face. Your heart slowly broke as you stood there feeling helpless, you were afraid to touch him because you didn't want to hurt him.

You got down on your knees and gulped, taking a deep breath. You slowly reach your hand out to him, gently placing your hand on his knee. At first, you felt him flinch, almost as if he wanted to pull away, but he couldn't. It was a cliche but he felt like you were different, so he let your hand stay there.

After a moment of letting the rain and thunder fill your ears, he finally spoke up. His voice was soft and still as raspy as ever. "I didn't want it, y'know? I mean, I thought I did but-" His voice started to break and you pushed his hair back as a silent way to stop him, you didn't want to bring back any memories the rain was already giving him.

"You didn't. I know." You whisper back, even if it was inaudible due to the weather. "I'm guessing the weather had something to do with the situation?" You watch as he slowly lifts his head and removes one hand to reveal half of his face, the rain is calming down.

"Yeah...you smartass." He chuckles, and you happily return one. This felt different from all your other encounters with each other, more intimate but not the type of way people would think. "You're soaked, idiot." You let out as you stand up, looking around.

"Hey, I can see Horizon from here." You look back down at him, his head already looking up at you. You can tell he wants to say something so you get back to his level. "What's up?"

He looks around, poking his cheek with his tongue. He's never been in a relationship nor has he found any interest in being in one, but the way you made him feel was different than he felt with other people.

"I- god, this is harder than I thought." He chuckles and gulps, bouncing his leg slightly. You suddenly feel nervous, you've never seen him like this before but you let him continue to show you really are listening.

"You make me feel something that I haven't felt with any girl, or I guess anyone. You make me feel safe and uhm..." He looks over at a nearby puddle and gets up, scrambling to pull out a small flower. He faces you and watches as you stand up, heading towards him.

He looked like a nervous teenage boy, and you found that adorable since he's never shown any type of vulnerability. "Will you maybe be the only person I can tolerate here? When you hold me I- It feels like you're the only person to make me feel all.. tingly." He looks at you, his eyes almost pleading.

"Scott, I..." You were at a loss for words, you'd immediately say yes if it wasn't for what had just happened. Was he sure he wanted this? You didn't want him jumping into something after he was just so vulnerable.

"Oh- yeah. No, no, I get it. God, I'm so stupid-" As he turns away to throw the flimsy flower, you take his arm and spin him to look at you. You felt bad that you weren't even thinking after grabbing him like that, despite him basically saying your touch made him feel safe, you couldn't be too sure.

"No, I just want you to be sure you want this. I don't want you jumping into anything you're not sure of." You frown and slowly move closer to him and he does the same, looking into your eyes. His free hand moves over to cup the nape of your neck and he whispers.

"I confessed my love for you in the rain and you need more confirmation?" He chuckles and you feel a soft smile on your face. "Alright, whatever you want." He leans in and kisses you softly, it was like sparks as soon as your lips met.

You wrap your arms around his neck and make a soft noise, both of you deepening the kiss with each passing second. After a while, both of you slowly break apart and take a moment to breathe before letting out a laugh. Your face had a wide smile and Scott had that soft grin on him as his hand travels to your hair and gently places the flower.

"I thought that if I ever told anybody, I'd never be able to look at them again." His voice gradually gets softer, his gaze softening alongside. "You're looking at me now, aren't you?" You say in the same tone as him. "Mhm, and what a beautiful sight it is."

You both share a small chuckle before walking back to the cabin hand in hand. The Cliffhangers will definitely have a field day as soon as they find out, but for now, no one has to know.

[nerdieforpedro]

Weekend Update 02/25/2024

Nerdie! You saw it right! He won! *hugs tightly*

Yes he did! 🥰 We're all so happy for him! Finally!

We're also buzzing about how he looks like he's on the cover of a romance novel. Maybe on a ranch, maybe in the 1800's. It's a pretty versatile look. He likes his deep V's....

As we all should. Also, I'm taking notes on that. *scribbles*

Anything new besides, well clearly pirate adventures?

Pirates have scurvy and Pedro is well nourished so none of that. Other ideas for his characters. Ezra and Pero might have scurvy though. I did manage to write some this week. It's been busy. 👀 Ugh...real life stuff. Nothing major. Just needs to be done.

Nerdie's fics:

Guiding Light (Ezra one shot - I was chatting with @lady-bess and had the idea for this. I always have Ezra in some crime. 😎)

Lunch is happening right? (Part two of my summer romance Javi G fic. Not sure how many parts.)

He told me his name (Din Djarin x plus size female reader) I wrote it after reading a new Din fic by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (will be listed below. I'd still call it moody because despite writing, I still have trouble with my vocabulary. 🤣 It is pretty though. I'm working on a follow-up since people asked 👀)

Can't win carino (Javi G one shot - for @i-own-loki because she gave me the idea and the moodboard so I ran with it.)

The Man Next Door (Jake Lockley one shot for @megamindsecretlair because she kinda asked, more like I asked her what she wanted in it. She asked for action and smut. I might try more action in fics later.)

Get a room you two and BONE (Part two of my Tim Rockford comedy series which now has romance? I binged too much B99, watched a bit of Castle and a few episodes of Kojak with my mom. The insanity will only increase with part three but maybe there might be some growth between Tim and Doc? Or a hippo.)

Nerdie I thought you said you were busy....that's six fics...

I was and some of them I had been working on for a while. I also had some insomnia (that lead to parts two and three of the Tim Rockford fic). Anyway, on to the main event! 😘

Nerdie's fic recommendations! or things I read this week. 😄

14 x kisses by @trulybetty (Jack Daniels x reader) Part of her 29 days of valentines for February.

Sorgan Girls Are Easy - Solo Din Djarin by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (the fic that inspired my Din - her Din has 100% more smut)

Half of you - chapter 3 by @foxilayde (Santiago Garcia x fem. reader) Slow burn series - love it and trying to read it slowly to savor it.

Falling for you by @toomanystoriessolittletime (Javi Pena x fem reader) A bittersweet read that had me wonder what was next but I was hopeful.

Sunday Naps by @javierpena-inatacvest (Frankie Morales x fem reader) More proof that cuddling with Frankie leads to wonderful things.

Poe Dameron falling in love with his shy best friend (GN reader) by @i-belong-to-the-stars What one hopes for if you're shy and you're in love with those curls...er Poe. 🫣

Mystery Strain by @rebel-held (Dieter Bravo x GN reader) All kinks are valid and who doesn't love Dieter with a belly? 😘

Bulletproof by @laurfilijames (Jax Teller x fem reader) She wrote poetic porn with feelings. I was overcome, titllated and confused.

A girl walks into a bookshop by @oonajaeadira (Ezra x fem reader) Soft Ezra with a bookshop, yes please! 😄

Beneath the mask by @saradika (Din Djarin x fem reader) A medieval knight Din...so where does one pick up the velvet dress?

Loneliness by @sirowsky (Pero Tovar x GN reader) Pondering Pero in your local Park? Highly recommended for Valentine's Day.

15 x cashmere by @trulybetty (Joel Miller x GN reader) What thread count was it that encouraged Joel to hop in bed in such a state? For my personal file. 👀

He sees you by @maggiemayhemnj (Joel Miller x reader) This writer will tell you she just loves words. I would argue that the words love her in a unique way that makes you see the things. 💜

16 x dance by @trulybetty (Tim Rockford x reader) I pictured him dancing with the reader in his trench coat. @secretelephanttattoo (El) is to the holsters as I am to the trench coat. 🤣 In my mind.

Quiet Moments Collection by @secretelephanttattoo (various Pedro characters x reader) It’s the small instances that you think don’t matter, that are the most meaningful.

Plus One by @always-andromeda (Frankie Morales x fem reader) Always a fan of two idiots in love, even with their spat.

A Strange Fate by @youandmeand5bucks (Silva x fem reader) Two people who came together because of life circumtances. Are they really satisfied?

A Beskar Valentine by @firstofficerwiggles (Din Djarin x female reader) Awesome username, it makes me giggle. Din will be ten steps ahead and still fifteen behind when it comes to matters of the heart. My guy is an overthinking champion.

Seven by @lokischocolatefountain (Javier Pena x reader) A simple discussion about children leads Javier to a drastic solution.

To be Explored Later by @legendary-pink-dot (Frankie Morales x fem reader x Santiago Garcia) aka Ms. Curls if ya nasty! 😘 Somehow I missed the gem of a sandwich. How the reader was able to think about anything is beyond me.

Red Light Glow by @missredherring (Lucian Flores x fem reader) This man has me and @rhoorl keeping track of his silk shirt and gold chain. We would accept his call. The guilt would go away too quickly if we felt it at all. 😌

Incarnadine by @iamskyereads (Pero Tovar x fem reader) This Pero has me swoon with his care toward the reader, his love of baths (I just want him to soak and relax - he's been earning coin!), and his word choice. This is another person that words appear to favor. 💜

Not like I fangirled over these writers this week or anything 👀

What on the docket for this week Nerdie?

Part three of the Javi G summer romance

Maybe...Roc & Doc part three I don't like sitting on finished parts but then I whine about having no motivation for the next part. 👀 I make no sense.

March is toward the end of the week so my March Spring Prompts will start! I scheduled the first six days I think. I got anxious about getting behind (which isn't the point of doing them but anxiety doesn't care) and did some in advance. I like how they're coming along and that they're short. Unlike this update. 🤣 They won't have summaries, but will have warnings, tags and notes.

And because I hear series and I think "I should start another one!" I decided to write an Ezra series. How did I happen upon our favorites prospector/scoundrel/reluctant father figure? I've been reading works by @morallyinept @maggiemayhemnj and @magpiepills

Ezra intimidated me because of his language, but actually, I think I'd get along with him because he puts on a persona with a great deal of performance. It's the audience's job to figure out if you're serious or not. Or at least that's how I approached him. 🤨 This could go badly. I stuck him on the bayou with an air boat and I want him to cook gumbo. *full delusional achievement unlocked*

Special shout-outs to @connectioneverywhere and @soft-girl-musings for sending me lovely asks this week.

Also to @inept-the-magnificent who called Tim Rockford her sidepiece and I am still very tickled. 🤣

This update was long 🤗 Hehe

Love Nerdie ���️

[bonezone44]

Muddy Waters, pt 4. (18+)

'Punching Bags'

Ezra x F!Reader x Joel Miller

Summary: A peek into your past and present with Ezra. A brief clash between you and Joel. Then, your best friend catches you with Joel.

Word Count: ~7,5k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (story masterlist) (my masterlist)

tags: NSFW 18+. Intuitive!Reader. Afab!Reader (she/they). Southern!Reader. Established Ezra x F!Reader. Polyam. No use of Y/N.

This Chapter: Pet names: baby, angel, darlin. Fighting/Fucking. Unprotected P-in-V. Ezra and his poor hygiene habits. Angst. Rage. Humor. Adult conversations.

Warnings: The first section of this chapter occurs in the past and contains consensual physical violence + sex, aka fighting/fucking, between the Reader and Ezra and the Reader and Ezra threaten each other’s lives (it’s understood between them that they don’t literally mean what they’re saying).

Author's Note: It's amazing how many different version of a chapter can exist before I end up with what I post. I hope this is the best version. I might have had too much caffeine today.

++++++++++++++++

“Just leave it!” he shouted at you from across the library with veins bulging from his neck. He splayed his fingers wide and threw his hands down. “We can’t take ‘em all!”

You traced the letters on the cover. 1,000 Facts About Space. Decorated with images of stars and planets and black holes. Your lips trembled and you fell to your knees.

Ezra groaned. “We don’t have time for this!”

“We were gonna go places.” Mars. The Asteroid Belt. Jupiter and beyond. To the very end of space and time. “We were gonna see… we were gonna see it all.” You swallowed thickly as your eyes filled with tears. 

“Yeah, well." Ezra spun around with his arms swinging. "It’s no longer an option, now is it?” he spat.

“B-but we’re gonna lose all this–all this knowledge!” You held the book to your chest and clung to your lower lip with your teeth as you pouted. In any other lifetime, it would have been a silly little collection of trivia you flipped through on someone’s coffee table. But in that moment, it was your ancestors’--nay, your entire species’--lost destiny and tragically unfulfilled prophecy.

“I am well aware of what progress our society is losing,” he snarled with wide eyes. “And I am just as heartbroken as you are but–" he placed his palms together in prayer. "–we cannot allow ourselves to mourn eternally over it and we cannot allow ourselves to mourn right–now!” He stomped his foot twice. “We need to move with haste,” he hissed.

“Stop telling me what to do!” you shouted, regressing into your childhood self, desperate and selfish and kicking your feet. God, why couldn’t Ezra understand you? Why couldn’t he understand the pain you were experiencing? Where was his fucking compassion?!

“Baby, if you don’t put that book down right now…” With his chin high and serious, he raised one ominous finger in your direction. “I’ll say it.”

You whipped your head up and flared your nostrils. He wouldn’t dare.

“You think I’m joking, huh?” Something about your reaction made his eyes glow. He dropped his hand.

“Don’t,” you threatened–your lips curled thin.

“Drop the book and get up or I’ll say it.” Excitement bubbled in his cheeks. He was grinning.

You stayed on the floor, snarling at him. Fire began to burn in your fists and ripple throughout your chest. “Don’t you fuckin say it.” Fuck, you wished he would. You wished this motherfucker would say it just so you could feel something for once in your whole stupid life.

“I will.” His eyes were positively glittering—sparkling like the falling dust in the pale white light flooding in through the windows. “I will speak it loudly and I will speak it proudly.”

“Don’t you fuckin say it, Ezra!” Your breaths were heaving now, hot blood pumping through your arms and legs. You were a wild beast being toyed with and prodded and the thought of pouncing your torturer burned embers low in your belly. You squeezed your thighs together–squirming.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” He said with a sideways shake of his head. He started laughing. You could see the beast in him, too, the way his teeth shined like fangs ready to sink into your skin.

You two went back and forth, taunting and tugging on one another while your bodies stayed in place and built up fiery momentum. 

It was Ezra who finally burst and snapped and he dug his teeth into the depths of your craw.

“I–" he started and your nostrils flared with hot air. 

"--miss–" 

Energy coiled in your toes 

"--the fuckin INTERNET!” He shouted and stomped, all red in the face and neck.

You launched yourself up from the floor and ran straight for him, screaming with fury and heated spite. You lunged forward, wrapping your arms around his knees, and tackled him to the ground. 

A loud pained groan was knocked from Ezra’s gut as he hit the floor. You scrambled up his body. 

You hovered above him, fingers gripping his shirt tight. "I am so fuckin sick of hearing you talk!" You punched him in the chest with the sides of your fists before tumbling over sideways and slamming into the floor, shoulder first. You hastily shimmied out of one pant leg because one leg free was all you needed before clawing yourself back on top of him.

"Give it to me–give it to me–" he choked out through short breaths. His pants and underwear were pulled under his hips. His twisted amusement was gone–replaced with a deep, snarling hunger. "Make it hurt, baby–" Ezra spit on his hand and stroked his cock. "Come on–" He whined.

You slid your panties to the side, wasting no time to sink down on his length. The sharp, dry pain went unnoticed as rage flooded your vibrating veins. You scratched your nails along the back of his scalp and pulled his head down and away from you. Your other hand curled into his shirt again. You wanted to rip it off his body and shove it in his mouth while he whimpered–and you tried, honestly, but the fabric wouldn't tear. 

Ezra dug his fingers into your waist. "Fuckin hurt me, baby!" He shouted and rolled his body, trying to get you to start moving. "Come on!"

You hunched over, meeting him nose-to-nose and screamed. "You wanna fuckin hurt?! I'll show you how to fuckin hurt!" You leaned upright. One hand squeezed his cheeks before the other swung back and punched him in the jaw–fist following all the way through. 

Ezra whimpered and jerked his hips. 

You saw blood in his teeth.

Fuck, it felt good. So good you almost came–it felt so good. The way your cunt clenched around him, sucking his cock deeper inside you. You bounced up and down, savoring the way his length stroked your inner walls. You reeled your arm back a second time and punched him again in the same spot to the right of his chin. This time, your fist hit the floor beneath him as well–sending a shooting pain from your knuckles up to your shoulder and right back down again.

Hoo! It hurt, but you shook it off–shook your hand around while bouncing up and down.

Ezra didn’t complain. In fact, he started fucking up into you, hips and bare ass using the hardwood floor as some kind of springboard. The rebound threw your body forward and you nearly toppled over him completely. But you were quick enough to steady yourself and met his strokes in a pounding, synchronous rhythm.

“I fuckin hate you!” you screamed in his face, sweat building on your brow. You punched him one more time for good measure, and the sting was so sharp–you felt pins and needles all through your hand. You clawed and tugged at his hair while hunting the billowing heat at your core. “I fuckin hate you, Ezra!” Fat tears filled your eyes and spilled down your cheeks. “I hope you fuckin die!”

“Nnng–I hate you, too, baby!” His eyes were glossy and wet and he was sweating from the exertion of his thrusts. "Fuck!" He whined and ached. "I fuckin hate you, too!" He croaked as he wept.

You wrapped your fingers in the hair on his crown. “If you fuckin come first, I’ll kill you mySELF!” Spit flew from your lips.

“Do it!” he yelled through gritted teeth, pain evident across his face. “Fuckin KILL ME ALREADY!” He shrieked. He was panting like a dog and crying like a baby.

“I’ll do it! I’ll fuckin KILL you, Ezra!” You were sobbing now–your abdomen spasming and twisting. You didn’t stop riding him, though. You were determined to get your orgasm–even if you felt yourself wavering. You shoved your dirty fingers in his mouth, down to your broken and bleeding knuckles, while your other hand braced yourself on the floor next to his head.

He tongued and choked on your fingers. He bit down hard and you loved it. Once you felt his hips slow–once his pace stuttered and grew weak–it set you off on your high. A creaking whimper escaped your throat. Your pussy clenched and contracted around him. A heady wave of blood pulsed through you, leaving you dizzy and disoriented. You collapsed into his body, limbs flopping around while Ezra chased his own end. 

You weren’t sure if he came in you or on you or somewhere else in the room. You just remembered the whole world going dark and quiet as you floated serenely on some post-orgasmic ethereal cloud. 

You were eternal. 

Unlimited. 

Until a waft of air over your bare ass sent goosebumps up your back and down your arms. You pried open your heavy eyelids with your cheek smushed against the floor. In front of you was a blur of book spines. A label on the shelf read ‘Local Authors.’ The title beneath:

'The Nature of Good and Evil' by Sylvia Browne.

—------

Ezra trekked ahead of you, smiling widely in the sun with a red wagon in tow. Its contents were covered in a black plastic tarp and wrapped up with cord. He craned his neck back and chuckled. “You clocked me pretty good, baby. It’s been–what?--over two weeks now? And I’m still feelin it.” He flexed his jaw. "Hoo!" 

“Sorry,” you murmured, embarrassed. You fumbled behind him, dragging a wagon of your own. Your knuckles were still tender, too. 

“There is no need to apologize for your actions.” He stopped and smiled. “I am proud of my woman.” He had been perky and grinning since you left the library behind. “I love it when you kick my ass.”

You rolled your eyes and laughed. You walked passed him, navigating carefully upward through the dry, grassy terrain. Your thighs and glutes trembled and ached. The soles of your feet burned. You couldn't feel your fingers hardly, but you didn't care. You didn’t wanna stop, yet, because you knew that stopping would make all the hurt settle in and throb through your body like rolling thunder–make your muscles spasm and twitch like flashes of angry lightning. 

“Shouldn’t be much further now," you heard him call from behind you.

You laughed again and yelled over your shoulder. “You have been saying that for days.”

“Well, since every scale is relative, I am technically correct each time I say it.”

You shook your head and sighed.

You heard a hungry moan. "Baby, I am treasuring the sight of your ass from this lower perspective–"

"Stop it!" Embarrassment heated your face as you giggled and squirmed, trying to cover yourself with your free hand. "You pervert!" 

He grunted. “You know me, angel–”

“HEY!" Shouted a deep and booming voice. 

Your hand instinctively pulled the pistol from your hip and you let go of the wagon. Your heart drummed in your chest as you searched the horizon. Like some kind of optical illusion, as soon as you saw one person heading towards you on horseback, you saw two more in your peripheral.

“Drop ‘em down! NOW!” It was the same deep voice as before–coming from a man wearing a bright red bandana over his face and a black cowboy hat. He was aiming his rifle straight at you. “And step away from the wagons!”

You both complied, clearly outnumbered and outgunned, too.

“Are you bit?” he shouted.

You shook your head as you raised your hands in surrender.

“No, my good sir.” Ezra cheerily spoke for both of you. “We are clean as whistles, I assure you.” He cleared his throat. “We are merely passing through—”

“What’s in the wagons?” asked a woman’s voice. She was to your right, wearing a denim jacket–face wrapped in a yellow bandana, but nothing atop her head but tightly twisted long black locs. 

“Nothing nefarious, I promise,” Ezra pressed his palms together. But he lifted them again when the woman raised her rifle. “We are delivering a collection of books–”

“Books?” The man in red sounded disgusted.

“Delivering to who?" Asked the woman. "There’s no one out here." She shook her head. “Certainly no one that ordered books.”

“Well, we uh–We–” Ezra looked to you, nudging for you to speak by widening his eyes.

You looked at the three riders surrounding you. Their clothes appeared clean and fitted. Although you could only see their eyes, they weren’t red and sunken. Their horses looked well-kept, too, brushed and attended to. You took your chance, praying to every single god you had ever heard of in your life that these were the right people and you were about to say the right words. “They left the light on for us,” you croaked out.

“...What?” said the man in red.

“They left the light on for us,” you repeated, though now that you were saying it out loud, you weren’t sure if it was correct. “They left the light on for-for-for me.”

“Th-that’s right!” chimed Ezra, still smiling with his hands up. “They left the light on for me.”

The three riders looked at each other. The woman in yellow trotted forward. 

“Who told you to say that?” she asked.

The tension eased a little. Your heart rate slowed. “My friend, Tonya. W-we met her back in Kansas City.”

The woman hummed. “And where is Tonya now?”

“She stayed,” you said and took a tight breath through your nostrils. “She’s still in Missouri.” 

She hummed again. “And she told you to bring us …books?”

“Tonya encouraged us to provide… tribute to the good people in the Jackson community,” said Ezra, bouncing on his toes. “My partner and I desire to join and participate in the development of this, uh… small town that Tonya has told us quiet, but evolutionary things about.”

The man in red scoffed. “So you brought books?”

“Yes. Books.” Ezra stood as proudly as he could with his hands still high in the air. “We carry with us some mechanical and medical textbooks and some children’s books for the little ones and-and-and we also have some literature, as well, from some of the greats–which–” He looked to you again. “--we know was a biased effort, of course, as is the nature of any opinion, b-b-but I believe we chose quite fairly across the board to-to-to express the diversity of our world’s uhh… our world’s—”.

“Capabilities,” you added.

“Capabilities! Yes! Our world’s capabilities and talent and knowledge.”

“We don’t do hand-outs, alright?” said the woman in yellow. “Everybody works.”

“Absolutely!” Ezra said. He looked over at you, flashing his eyebrows in a silent cheer before returning his attention to the riders. “I completely agree! One hundred percent!” He nodded in your direction. “M-my partner may need time to-to rest after this long, arduous journey, but I, personally, am fighting fit.”

The woman grunted and turned to the man in red. She spun her finger in the air. “Go get the dogs.”

Ezra smiled uncomfortably. “The-the what now?” 

—-----

There were never enough hours in the day. You don’t know how Joel kept his whole house so neat and clean and still found time to go on patrol and build things around town and limewash new shutters and take care of Ellie. You and Ezra shared a small apartment above the Outfitters and it was always an overwhelming disaster. 

You two had somehow collected so much in the brief time you had been in Jackson. And you had no idea what to do about all of it. Books and papers and trinkets and gifts and clothes–how the hell did you two own so many clothes?

And the shower was never clean enough and there was always dirt on the floors and the bed sheets–God! The bed sheets always smelled.

And Ezra never gave a shit.

Your eyes bore into him with fury as you stood watching him from the bedroom.

He was reclining on the couch wearing only blue boxer briefs and …a baseball cap, for some fuckin reason. He reached down to scratch his balls and then smelled his fingers after. A high pitched pained scream resounded in your head.

"Jesus Christ, Ezra," you groused and pointed at the floor. "Can't you put your clothes in the fuckin hamper?"

"Nope," he answered cheerily and flipped the page of his book. "I sure cannot."

The thing about Ezra’s cheeriness was that sometimes it was happy and perky and jovial. 

And sometimes it was a big 'Fuck You.''

You stomped through the living room and picked up his laundry while grinding your teeth. "You come home and just fuckin… throw your clothes all over the place." 

"I sure do." He grinned and continued to read.

Fire built in your chest. It didn't matter that you were just as messy. What mattered was that you were trying to do better–trying to be cleaner. And he refused to make a single effort.

"I'm sick of living in a fucking pig sty!" You screamed. You did not understand how to get through to him. No matter what avenue you took, he fought you at every turn, so you gave up and yelled at him all the time instead.

"It must suck to be you, then."

"Oh my god!" You shouted with your hands curled into tight fists. "You are a fuckin child!" 

He turned to you with a proud smile, eyes disappearing behind his rounded cheeks, and released an utmost satiated hum.

You started panting in anger. You wanted to grab his book and rip it in half. Or set fire to each page one by one, laughing maniacally as he cried–the flames reflecting brightly in your wild eyes. 

But… no. You didn't really want to do that because he loved his books. He loved reading. And you didn't really wanna hurt him. 

That would break his heart.

And in turn, it would break yours, too.

…But you did kinda wanna strangle him right where he was, laying on the couch without a care in the world. 

But.

Again.

You didn't really wanna strangle him. 

Because even though you imagined doing all this damage to Ezra, it was a cartoon fantasy that played in your mind. Like Looney Tunes or Ren and Stimpy where the excessive violence never did any permanent damage but allowed the characters to get out all their frustrations.

This was usually where the hate-fucking came in. 

But that was for ‘out there.’ Out in the rest of the world where safety and survival was a constant uncertainty. Where there was nowhere to go when you needed a break from one another and the persistent grinding friction between the two of you had to breach your surfaces somehow.

But now you’re ‘in here.’ In Jackson. In a community that allowed you to get the fuck away from him when necessary.

And–Praise be!–on this day, you knew the perfect place to go.

“I am getting the fuck out of this fuckin apartment!” you shouted into the air.

“Good for you, angel.” Ezra was so calm and encouraging. “I hope you have a wonderful day.”

The fact that he wouldn't fight you back just made you angrier. "Well I hope your day fuckin sucks!" You screamed and slammed the door behind you as you left. 

You stomped down the stairs into the alleyway and stopped once you hit the bottom. Your head was already clearer outside of the confines of your shared living space. The cool fresh air cleansed the heat from your skin and a slow, deep breath brought you even further toward peace of mind.

It was inventory day at the General Store and you knew they needed extra hands.

It was the perfect distraction. 

Counting items was easy and repetitive. And you would be under direct surveillance, by Derek of all people, so there would be no opportunity for your mind to wander and ail you. The man was impossible and it made you do better just to spite him.

Derek was one of the patrollers that first found you and Ezra. He was on the council, supervised the General Store, and ran the town meetings. And he loved Ezra. 

His feelings toward you, though, were tepid at best. 

You hoped Tracy would be there. She was Derek’s wife and probably your closest friend in all of Jackson. She was funny and bright and she loved her kids more than anything. She always wore a velvety soft brown cardigan and smelled like lemongrass. Her friendship made you feel all warm inside and damn, you needed a friend.

Unfortunately, as you approached the front door, you saw Derek through the window. And even more unfortunately, he saw you, too. Meaning there was no turning back. You took another deep breath and opened the door.

“Inventory day,” Derek groaned as you walked in.

“Oh, I know!” You smiled with your fingers tugging on the hem of your shirt. “I wanted to see if you needed an extra hand.”

“An extra hand?” He scoffed with his eyes all big. He crossed his arms over his stomach, one hand clinging to his clipboard. He glared with disdain. “We started over an hour ago. You can’t just show up whenever you feel like it.”

You crossed your arms right back. “I was just passin by–”

“Passing by?” He pointed his stupid little clipboard at you. “You live across the way.”

“Livin across the way doesn’t mean I can’t pass by.” You huffed. This wasn’t quite going how you had planned it would go. “Maybe–Maybe I could bring y'all lunch or something?” You suggested as you scratched your eyebrow. “So you don’t have to go to the hall for it?"

Derek scoffed even louder than before.  “And make a big mess in the middle of the store? No.” He huffed back. “We got enough mess to deal with already.”

“Heeey!” You heard Tracy call out to you in song. She wore chunky heels that echoed with every step as she approached. “How are you?” she asked as she opened up her arms.

“I’m doin good, Tracy,” you grinned and glowed and hummed as you met her in a tight warm hug. You glared at Derek over her shoulder and he rolled his eyes. “i was just seein if y’all needed help, but–”

“Oh, great timing!” she said and squeezed your shoulder after pulling away. “Derek, let’s get her counting those pillows in the back.”

“No." He was all worked up, eyes bulging, offended by the suggestion. "I’m gonna have Kara take care of that when she’s done with the blankets.” He tossed his hand in the air. “We don’t need her. She’s just gonna count ‘em wrong anyway.”

You raised your finger to defend yourself. "I told you. Last time, I had a cold and I was on my cycle, okay?"

"Horseshit," he muttered under his breath. 

“Derek, be nice,” Tracy hissed. “She is my friend and she is trying to help.”

“I don’t care if she’s trying to help.” He tossed his hand up again. “Let her go help someone else.” He stomped away, shaking his head. 

Tracy rolled her eyes, tucking a brown curl behind her ears. “Sorry about that.” She huffed as she wrapped her cardigan around her front. “He is bein such an asshole today.” She mouthed the word 'asshole' so no one else would hear. "And I don't know why–" she hid her mouth behind the back of her hand. "--'cause he definitely got some last night."

You faked a laugh. Normally, her little asides would crack you up, but your mood was souring everything.

She shook her head and sighed. “Anyway, if he won't let you help out in here, there was a little accident that happened in the tool shed over night last night." Tracy interlaced her fingers together and pleaded with her eyes.

"Oh yeah?" You really didn't want to work by yourself, but there was no way out of it at this point.

"One of the shelves fell and we just haven't had a spare moment to go clean it all up." She smiled kindly and you forced a smile back. "Maybe you can go do that for us."

"I can do that! Don't you worry ‘bout a thing," you nodded, groaned internally, and walked back out the front door. 

—--

The large barn door to the tool shed was wide open and you recognized an empty space on the back wall above the wood-top counter. Once you stepped past the work table in the center, you saw the edge of it--the 'accident' that Tracy referred to. To the left of the back counter was a tall pile of nails and bolts and screws and broken pieces of glass from the jars that had once sorted them all. 

“The fuck,” you muttered.

The shelf itself was a long, thin, deep slab of wood, sitting on top of the back counter, dusty and stained. Its brackets were still secured to the wall, strangely enough. 

You scoffed. The shelf had no holes in it. It was solid. 'What idiot puts up a shelf and doesn’t attach it to the fuckin brackets?' You huffed. 'How long has this been here like this?' You shook your head. 'A disaster waitin’ to happen and then–' you waved your palm out to the mess on the floor. '--it finally happens.'

You groaned. This looked like something Ezra would do. He was so lazy. He never finished anything but his books. That's all he ever wanted to do was read. Hardly ever spent any time with you.

Sure, there was that amazing sex you had the other morning, but besides that–hardly ever!

You groaned again. Not that you would want to spend time with his unwashed ass right now.

God, Ezra was the worst. There was something wrong with that man. What kind of person happily marinates in their own filth like that? Why couldn’t he shower every day like a normal person? Just because he had off the night before didn’t mean he should just soak in his own sweat and muck and – Ugghh!

And he never picked up after himself. Sometimes …maybe he would pick up a thing or two, but mostly never.

And then Derek, ugh! How the hell was Tracy married to him? He was so impossible to please. You wanted to help with inventory. You weren't there on time because you didn't know how you were gonna feel that morning and you didn't wanna commit to something if you were just gonna let them down again. And last time you had a cold and you were on your cycle and your brain couldn't hold the numbers in your head but that wasn't your fault! You did the best you could every single day of your life and sometimes your brain and body betrayed you and forced you to betray others but it wasn't intentional! You weren't trying to be an unreliable piece of shit! You were trying to do better every fuckin day for yourself and for Jackson and for Ezra’s disgusting ass! You didn't mean to be a big fuckin failure who had no skills and devolved into a panicked puddle of blood, sweat, and tears by the tiniest inkling of responsibility now that you were inside the safety of Jackson’s walls! It wasn't your fault that you were never gonna be enough! It wasn't your fault that–

Someone cleared their throat and it grated against your skin.

You looked up from the pile of sharp glass and metals.

Great. 

Now Joel was here. 

He was the last person you wanted to see while you were busy being animus and self-loathing. And he was smiling at you like life was all fun and happy or something when it wasn’t!

God, it felt so fuckin stupid to be alive.

"Mornin, darlin," he grinned and shuffled towards you. 

His sexy, smoky voice was so stupid and annoying.

"Mornin," you rolled your eyes as you sorted out nails and tossed them into one of the few surviving jars. 

He stopped. Tilted his head. Had the nerve to breathe in your general direction. "So…" he pointed with his chin. "What happened here?"

You raised your head slowly with a condescending glare. “The shelf fell down." You raised your palm toward the empty spot on the wall like you were Vanna White. ‘Is this beautiful idiot incapable of observing his own surroundings? Is he too busy being attractive and handsome to use basic deduction skills?’

He raised his eyebrows and put his hands on his hips. "Did… did you do it?" He asked.

And now he was accusing you of being the idiot that didn't properly install a simple fucking shelf?! 

"No, I didn't do it, you fuckin asshole," you groused and tossed more nails into the jar.

"Hey." 

You felt him more than you heard him–a tense shockwave rippling through you like an earthquake, shoving you to teeter on the edge of a crevice. You whipped your head up. Your gut trembled. Your whole world became uncertain and unbalanced.

Joel towered above you from where you sat, shrinking into the floor. He scowled with his arms crossed. "What is this? What are you doin?” He shrugged his broad shoulders and shook his head. “Don't talk to me like that." 

His disappointment sent your heart over the edge into free-fall. Shame crawled across your skin and all the heat and turmoil in your head suddenly vanished, leaving behind nothing but a cold, empty wind. You covered your eyes with your hand and sucked air into your lungs.  "I'm sorry," you creaked out, frowning. You had seen Joel standing there, but you hadn't felt him yet. Too busy in your own storm to see anyone but yourself. Your heart shrank further.  "Sorry." Tension stung the muscles in the center of your chest and snaked its way up your throat. "I-I-I get like this …sometimes." The water that had once been boiling inside of you had cooled and started pouring out your eyes. 

"Well, don't… get like it… with me," he said, sounding on the edge of timid.

"Okay. Okay." You nodded and recycled another breath. And even though you still felt the burn of shame on your skin, the pressure on your chest was relieved. "I'm sorry." You sniffed and spoke to the floor. 

You wiped enough of your tears away to see Joel eyeing you with his brows pulled tight, chewing on his lip. It surprised you that he didn't push back or start yelling. It surprised you that he stayed instead of throwing his hands up and stomping off or, at the very least, saying something polite before leaving you be to wallow in your own shame.

"Are you alright? What's goin on?" He asked.

You opened your mouth to speak, thinking the words would come to you, but they didn't. You sighed, half-smiling. "I'm sorry, Joel. It's nothin." You waved him away. "You've got work you're trying to do–"

"Can't be nothin if it's got you actin like that. I–" he sighed. "C'mon." He offered you his hand. 

You obliged, reaching out and allowing him to pull you up. You wiped the dirt from your knees and shit, they felt stiff and bruised. You didn't realize you had been kneeling for so long.

 He carefully took your hand in his own again. It felt good and warm and safe. "So what's wrong? I-I gotta be honest" He huffed and smiled. "I didn't know… someone as happy as you could get like that."

If he hadn't been holding your hand, you would have ran away–you were so embarrassed. You closed your eyes. Your breaths grew shallow.

"It's–It's–I just–" The right words still weren't there.

"Look at me," he said.

You complied. 

"I wouldn't be askin if I didn't wanna know." His eyes were big and tender. The lines around them and in his forehead echoed his sincerity like ripples in water. 

You closed your eyes, nodding.

And his thumb was rubbing along the center of your palm and he was waiting–so patiently.

You opened your eyes and his expression was unchanged. "I have these moods…" the words finally tumbled out of you. "...where I get lost in my own head and wanna hurt everyone and everything. But I don't really wanna hurt anyone.” You sighed. “But then I go lashin out at everybody, anyway." 

A soft smile bloomed on his face. “Yeah,” he said and glanced into the alleyway. “I know what that’s like.”

Relief washed over you, removing all your remaining apprehension. You had been so scared and yet… he impressed you again.

“I don’t wanna be your punchin bag, though,” he said earnestly.

You didn’t know a statement like that could feel so good–warming up your chest and clearing out your mind. “I don’t want you to be my punchin bag, either,” you said, echoing his sincerity. “It won’t happen again, Joel.” You were confident of that. “I’m sorry it happened in the first place.”

“‘S alright.” He blinked and looked down to where you had been sitting on the floor. “That was… easy compared to most of the fights I have.” Amusement rounded his cheeks, his dimple burrowing deep. He leaned his hip into the back counter, resting his elbow atop it. He was still playing with your hand, interlacing your fingers through it. 

You giggled through your closed-lip smile.

He spoke to the floor between your bodies. “I … fight myself more than anybody.” 

Your smile turned sympathetic.

“You could say I’m my own punchin bag,” he said in a forced joke with a forced smile.

“Yeah,” you nodded, staring at him with open tenderness. “I know what that’s like.” Your hand found his waist, fingers on the smooth leather of his belt and the rough fabric of his jeans. You rubbed your thumb up and down the soft, cotton fabric of his shirt. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and hold him close, but you weren't sure how he would respond. You didn't move. Didn't say anything. Didn't want to risk him closing back up. 

His eyes–you could lose yourself in them forever. Especially with how adoringly he looked at you. You wondered if he was delusional or something to be so quickly enamored with you.

Shit, though. Maybe you were delusional, too, because he was constantly making you melt and you didn't even know him. Not really. Not like you knew Ezra. 

Was this okay? Was this alright to feel about someone when you didn't yet know all their quirks and viewpoints and world opinions? You knew Ezra for years before you crossed that boundary. And that was living every single day in his presence. You and Joel had spent very little time together, but god, you felt yourself pulled to him by some electromagnetic current. 

But you were a lot older and wiser than when you first met Ezra. Your instincts were stronger and clearer. And your life wasn't at risk if things went south between you–there were no cordyceps or raiders or slavers to find you if he wasn't at your side with a gun in his hand. 

You could trust this–whatever it was–happening between you. You could trust yourself to figure it out, too. Maybe Ezra was right. Not everything could fit into a pretty little box for you to label and package all nice and neat. Maybe it was alright to be messy. 

So when Joel stepped closer, bringing your bodies flush, you felt warm and easy. And when he leaned forward to kiss you, you felt no doubt in your body when you leaned in to kiss him right back.

The distinctive sound of metal clocking against itself and wood sliding against wood startled both of you. You both whipped your heads around to see Tracy, slamming the door behind her and scuttling towards you from the back of the General Store.

Time slowed down right in front of your eyes, moving like molasses down a shallow incline. You felt your heart pounding in your ears. You hadn’t prepared for this. You hadn’t prepared to tell anyone. Til you knew what the hell you were doing.

But… of all the people to catch you in the act, at least it was Tracy. She knew you better than anyone else in town.

"Hello. Hi." She waved her hand–a broad, panicked smile on her face.

“Shit,” Joel muttered under his breath.

She stepped inside the shed with her hands clasped together. “What’s going on? What are you doing?” She asked. Her voice teetered between casual and accusative.

“‘S none of your business.” Joel’s voice teetered on threatening.

“Um, actually it is my business–” She held her finger up and snaked her head around. “--when my best friend is about to throw her perfect relationship down the toilet.”

Joel scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

Your heart jumped. ‘Best friend?’ You hadn’t had a best friend since high school. And you and her had had a falling out, which was why you went to college alone in the first place. You needed this. You needed to save this. You held your palms up, attempting to calm her. “Look, Tracy. I know it looks bad, but–”

Her arms were crossed and angry. “After all Ezra does for you and for this town and–what? You’re just gonna leave him for-for this?” With a disgusted look, she tossed her finger in Joel’s direction before tucking it back beneath her arm.

Joel placed his palms on the work table, leaning his weight into them. He looked ready to pounce.

You stayed even and gentle. “I am not leaving Ezra.”

You felt Joel’s eyes on you.

“Oh, okay. Of course.” She shrugged. “You’re just gonna fuck someone else behind his back. My bad.”

“It’s not like that,” you said evenly.

“Ezra knows.” Joel added.

“No. Uh-uh.” Tracy shook her head. “There is not a man alive that would let their wife run around and make a fool out of them.” 

Your palms were still high, still trying to ease back her cloud of upset. “No one is bein made a fool of, Tracy. Ezra knows.” 

She scoffed. “This is a joke, right? This is a fucking joke?” Her head was still shaking. Tears rimmed her eyes as she dropped her arms. "Is Ezra not enough for you?" She pressed her fist into her chest. "After all he's done to support you and he's not enough?"

 You struggle to find the words, every thought in your head is blurry. 

She laughs, wiping pained tears from her reddening eyes. "Ezra is such an incredible, perfect, handsome man and you–"

"Ezra is not some golden child.” Joel spat.

"What?" You turned to look at him. His face was red and he was snarling.

"Ooooh!" Tracy looked sickeningly excited and started waving her finger around. "You got a lotta nerve to say anything, Joel." She spat his name out like an insult. "I have heard plenty of stories about what you did before Jackson."

He raised his jaw, his body gone stiff. His chest heaved hot breaths through his nostrils.

"All the killing and smuggling." She huffed. "The only reason they even let you in was because of your brother."

You scoffed. "Tracy, stop it." Your calm was disappearing.

"You don't know, do you?" Her eyes were now trained on you. "You don't know how many people he's killed?"

"Tracy," you warned. “I am not going there. There is not a single person in this town–”

“Innocent people.” She said your name to you as if to emphasize her point. She leaned forward, pointing at Joel as if her finger was gonna help you understand everything she was telling you. “He killed innocent people.” 

“I killed innocent people, too.” You threw your hands up–stiff, exasperated. You spoke through gritted teeth and trembling lips. “And people tell me stories all the time about murderin and torturin and-and-and the sick, painful shit they did to get by.” You pointed a shaky finger downward. “People here. In Jackson.” You stared at Tracy's pained face, wet cheeks. "But we are not who we were when we were survivin'." 

“Fine. Fine!” Tracy spat, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Fine!" Her head was shaking. Her body was trembling. “B-B-But you can’t do this.” Now her finger was pointing at you. “You can’t just go around… fuckin whoever you want.”

Your eyes grew wide and your jaw went slack.

“It is none of your business,” Joel snarled again.

“There are families here. And there are children.”

“What?” What the hell did that have to do with anything?

“And how am I supposed to explain to my kids that you’re out there sluttin’ it up like nothing means anything?”

“What?” You wanted to laugh. "That–that doesn't even make sense! What are you talking about?" ‘Like nothing means anything?’ What the hell did that mean? 

“You get one, okay?” She started stepping back, out of the tool shed and into the alley. “You get one and that’s all you get. That's how it works. That's how it's always worked.” She nodded, satisfied. “Okay? So pick.” She clapped her hands together. “And you know how I feel about this one.” She nodded toward Joel and turned around.

You stomped around the work table. “I don’t have to pick shit!” She was almost to the door. “I can do whatever the hell I want!”

She threw her hands up, shaking her head, and went inside.

Your whole body was jittery. Your breaths were short. There were people, you noticed, on the edge of your vision. Other people in the alley. But you didn’t count them and you didn’t look to see if they were looking at you. You placed your hand on your chest, attempting to calm your nerves.

Joel stood in the tool shed, watching you and working his jaw. He looked down and crossed his arms.

“I … I don’t know what the hell just happened,” you said as you leaned against the doorway. You were exhausted suddenly–every ounce of life having been sucked from your veins and mind and bones. 

Joel didn’t say anything. Just wiped his face and adjusted his belt. 

“Everything is happenin so fast. It’s too fast.” Your eyes welled with tears. You didn’t know you had any left in there. “I don’t understand it. I don’t understand what is goin on.”

Joel slowly stepped to you, boots scraping against the dusty floors. He placed his hand on your shoulder and opened his mouth to speak. But he closed it just as quickly.

You sighed and wiped your tears. You wrapped your palm around his warm hand and it felt so good to touch his skin. You didn’t need or want him to say anything at all. It was enough to be in his presence. You took a deep breath and looked at him with a small smile on your lips.

“I need to go tell Ezra what happened so he’s not blind-sided by it later ‘cause I know she’s gonna tell somebody and they’re gonna tell somebody else and I’m pretty sure–” you sighed. “I’m pretty sure some other people just heard us arguin out there.”

“A-alright,” he said–his hand staying on your shoulder.

God, being with Joel felt so good and so right and so… correct. Like this was what you were supposed to be doing. Like this was what your whole life had been building toward and you were exactly where you needed to be. 

“I wanna see you again. Soon."

Joel's eyebrows shot up, his lips upturned on the edges. “Really? E-Even after all that?”

“I'm not changing myself to make her feel better.” You spoke with confidence. You shrugged. “This is who I am.” You gasped and stepped back, putting out your arm to make space between the two of you. “I mean, if you need to take a break or wanna stop or if it's too much and you wanna think about it–"

“No no no no.” Joel smirked. "I'm good."

You couldn't believe it. "...Really?"

He scowled. "I don't give a shit about these people." He pulled you back in by your waist, adoring you with a smile. "I can do whatever the hell I want." 

You laughed, shaking your head. His tender eyes had you hooked again and you reached up to hold his face in both of your hands. The kiss you shared was just as tender, lips locking with only a tease of your tongues. 

You were determined to make this work. 

You were also determined to not lose Tracy as your friend. 

You knew it wouldn't be easy, but it would definitely be worth it.

+++++++

A/N: I feel like it's important to say that Joel 'Bottles-Up-His-Emotions' Miller will not stay cool, calm, and collected forever. The next chapter will include a lot of processing.

tag list: @toxicanonymity @jksprincess10 @shotgun-shelby @walkintotheriveranddisappear @for-a-longlongtime @rubyfruitjungle

+++++++

(story masterlist)

(my masterlist)

[jedimandalorian]

Ezra’s Theme and Sabine’s Journey in Ahsoka

Incidental music is the music that accompanies a drama which is heard by the audience but isn’t heard by the characters themselves. A skilled composer doesn’t merely accentuate the characters’ adventures with pulse-pounding action music. In an epic film and television series such as the Star Wars saga, a talented composer like Kevin Kiner will assign the main characters distinctive individual themes or musical motifs which can indicate what the character is doing, thinking, or feeling. Kevin Kiner’s score for Ahsoka features themes from his previous compositions for The Clone Wars and Rebels. One very important melody to listen for in the Ahsoka show is Ezra Bridger’s Theme, which is often heard when Sabine Wren is thinking about her long lost friend. Her emotional connection to the heroic young Jedi is apparent from the soundtrack. Sabine has a distinctive musical theme of her own, which accompanies her words and actions as well. The following extracts from my notes on the music for Ahsoka’s first three episodes illustrate how these themes are used with regards to Sabine and her journey.

Ahsoka Episode 1

Scene at the Tower: Sabine’s Theme is heard when she feeds the loth-cat and we glimpse her Mandalorian helmet under the counter. A quiet rendition of Ezra’s Theme is played by a French horn during the hologram scene. Sabine’s Theme is heard at the very end of that scene when the message ends.

Sabine wakes from a dream about Ezra’s disappearance and says his name softly. She heard Ezra’s voice in the dream saying the last words he said to her in the Rebels finale before he disappeared. Purrgil sounds are heard during the dream.

Ahsoka Episode 2

Ahsoka hears voices. She seems to be hearing Sabine’s dream. Sabine is dreaming of Ezra once again. A fragmented rendition of Ezra’s theme can be heard very briefly along with the voices in the dream, but the music is mostly mysterious and unrelated to any other character’s theme.

Ahsoka inside the tower: A quiet quotation of Ezra’s Theme is played by the cello when his hologram is activated.

Sabine & Huyang and the lightsaber. Sabine says it is “Ezra’s lightsaber.” Huyang says it is hers now. No music during most of the conversation. Sabine says she does not have the talent “like Ezra.” We finally hear Sabine’s Theme when Huyang says “The only time you are wasting is your own.”

Sabine returns to the tower. Sabine’s Theme is heard as she lays out her armor. After she cuts her hair the first two notes of Ezra’s Theme crescendo as the scene changes.

Sabine at the mural. This is new music until Sabine walks toward Ahsoka. A subtle rendition of Ezra’s theme is heard here. From Natasha Liu Bordizzo’s acting and the music we know she’s going on this quest because of Ezra.

Ahsoka Episode 3

Sabine attempts to use the Force, and more mysterious music that seems unrelated to the Force theme is heard. A two note motive based on an ascending perfect fifth is heard in this scene. Since Ezra’s theme begins with an ascending fifth, this could be an indication of why Sabine is training so hard. She’s doing it for Ezra.

When the ship has landed in the forest, Ezra’s theme is played softly after Sabine says “I haven’t seen those creatures since the day Ezra disappeared.” She looks happy, excited, and hopeful.

The “Sabine Sees Ezra” scene in the series finale of Rebels has been analyzed in this YouTube video with musical examples of both Sabine and Ezra’s themes if you aren’t familiar with them.

In the Ahsoka series, Sabine doesn’t literally hear Ezra’s theme, but we do. Listen for it and you will know how deep her emotional connection to him really is. Expect to hear a fully orchestrated dramatic presentation of Ezra’s Theme when Sabine is finally reunited with him. This music, if combined with brilliant writing, directing, and acting, will cause the audience to shed tears of joy right along with the main characters when Sabine finally finds Ezra.

[oonajaeadira]

For the Love of Fic: January 2

I've been doing my best to get caught up on a verrrrrrry long reading list. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm a super slow reader (both in having the time to read and actual reading speed), and many of my favorite writers are bananas prolific, so it's easy for me to fall behind. My lists for the immediate future will probably be in character groupings, since that helps me organize and sift.

Today you're getting these lovelies in some fic I've been loving!

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EZRA

Cross My Heart by @brandyllyn This wins for my favorite of the week. How can it not, when it is from my Secret Santa???? Brandy softens our scoundrel but keeps his dangerous edge which I really love and appreciate. This could have been your regular Gift of the Magi fic, but it goes above and beyond. Not only do these lovers do what they can to give each other the world, they get to keep their spoils too. My heart would follow his anywhere. <3

untitled by @brandyllyn So after reading Cross My Heart, I decided to catch up on the remaining Ezra fic of Brandy's I haven't read yet and I was not disappointed, not at all. If Ezra came to me for advice on how to touch a lady, I don't think I'd be able to hold myself together this well...

When They Disentwine by @brandyllyn Holy BALLS this is hot like fire. A little misunderstanding leads to some really delicious punishment--read the warnings. Do I like a little danger in my Ez? Fk yeah I do. Soft and dangerous. This serves.

Hold Fast to Dreams by @brandyllyn Here it is, friends. One of the most beautifully written, soft, wonderful Ezra stories full of books and hope and healing and it's rendered me nearly speechless. I don't know what else to say except DANG.

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MAX PHILLIPS

Bangathon: Position: Reverse Cowgirl by @prolix-yuy Oh. My gods. I did not expect the soft. And yet. Here it is. And I am clawing for it. The moment he realizes he's actually into her kind of destroyed me. And I love that they're both in the same place...fkn hells. I swoon. This's the good stuff.

Negotiations by @prolix-yuy Another treat from LJ with a softer, yearning Max. Yes, he's got more ego than he should have, but it gets a swift, satisfying kick in the ass when he comes up against you. And do you ever give him a run for his money. A lovely little twist and sweet surprise.

A Rough (Pumpkin) Patch by @blueeyesatnight Can we all acknowledge how satisfying it is to witness Max get pouty when he doesn't get his way? And then twist things around to make his own fun? He may hate hay rides and pumpkin picking, but if you're the only two in the field, there may be more fun to be had....

I Wanna Do Bad Things With You by @chronically-ghosted I too would be tempted to tell Max to feed from me while we did the do. But you know what I am? A soft girl with a weakness for a build up. So imagine my joy when I found out this was a series in progress...one bite/drink/base at a time! And there are feelings? What! This is all my monsterfkr dreams with Max come true.

Polynesian Kiss by @morallyinept Listen. He's Max. He's your boss, and he's a vampire, and you're his PA. And blood donor. And bang buddy. And you just can't make it into work because your cramps are murder. Lucky you, you've just become a dispenser for Max's favorite treat, and he is here to FEAST. I love a man who loves his meal, and goodness does he ever enjoy you. TASTY.

Blood & Tinsel by @morallyinept Read the warnings on this one, because Max has his influence on and you're not submitting to his office booty call of your own free will. But you would if he'd let you. He doesn't know that. Yet. I love how Jett writes his reaction to that little tidbit....she's got this power-hungry jackass down.

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EDDIE THE VAMPIRE

An Act of Kindness pt. 2 by @missredherring Oh my gosh, Eddie's become a rescue pup! He has nowhere to go and nobody to look after him and he was so young when he turned...he's so confused. I just wanna comfort the boy. It's a good thing Bella's here to look after the little darling. (Guest appearance by one Jack Daniels with mentions of Max Phillips and a Liam easter egg.)

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WING PIT GUY

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #3: Daniel (Wing Pit) - Distracting Kiss by @something-tofightfor Rachael's Wing Pit Guy is named Daniel and there's just something about him that's comfortable and goofy and total boyfriend material. (And he can clean a chicken wing bone in one smooth go.) You know that kissing him is gonna taste like sauce, and since he really loves his wings, you know that sauce is gonna be good. And real. And sweet. Just like this fic.

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #11: Daniel Harper (Wing Pit) - A Kiss After Pain by @something-tofightfor It's finally time for a real first date, but before that, time to meet Daniel's dog. Raider is just a dog, doing dog things and doesn't mean to slip up. But istg if anyone here hurts Raider I will burn this site to the ground. There's a really sweet kiss in here and I am all for it. But I am having trouble deciding if I love Raider or Daniel more right now...

Smutsgiving 2023: Sweet Potato Casserole / Daniel Harper (Wing Pit Pedro) by @something-tofightfor First of all, marshmallow fluff is genius. Second of all, I don't care how sticky it is. I hate sticky and I would still allow supreme level boyfriend coded Daniel to cover me in it.

.

TIM ROCKFORD

Rockford & Roan Pt. 5 by @littlemisspascal There's a number of reasons why I'm freaking out about this chapter. It's dark. There's a body. Tim is mystereously cold and Roan is being warned not to be taken advantage by his less than perfect tendancies. Doubt is strewn. Our Very Good Boy Banjo is a little doggie king. And then there's the special guest star, complete with cliffhanger...and I'm in LOVE.

Morning, His Place by @words-are-fireproof A slice of life, an early morning in the kitchen with Tim before he has to leave for work. And yet, in just a short piece, there's so much detail and background given between the characters, just in the little things they say and do, the pictures on the wall, the things Tim forgets. Simple and lovely.

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #5: Tim Rockford - Jealous Kiss by @something-tofightfor Black Days Tim has a hold on me, and Rachael's given him a lot of groundedness and depth. He's not surprised by much, except when he surprises himself.

Smutsgiving 2023: Apple Pie / Tim Rockford by @something-tofightfor Another Black Days Tim, and this one has him apologizing to his lady for not being home for Thanksgiving by utilizing his desk when she comes to visit him. Yes plz.

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DIETER BRAVO

Star Boy by @ezrasbirdie I'm in love with the Star Boy and his Cool Girl so so much and this installment in the Starstruck Series was no exception. They have so much to navigate together and it can't be the easiest thing to date a movie star. But I'm willing to take the chance if he love love loved me this very much.

Misfire by @qveerthe0ry If it's something I'm fascinated and enamored of, it's a boy that comes untouched. Dunno why that's a kink of mine, maybe I just find it endearing when someone loses control. This one has no romantic or sexual connection to it though, and it's Dieter actually being embarrassed. I am not above smiling while watching that man be flustered and suffer a little.

Bravo, Dieter. by @juletheghoul If you haven't had a taste of Jules' writing (first of all, where have you been), then this is as good a place as any to start. Pretty writing, smooth Dieter, make up sex ahoy, and all the neck nibbles you can't keep your cool over....

Paint Me Like One of Your French Girls by @missredherring While there's some verbal teasing, this is a working relationship, but a good one. I mean, I don't know if I'm in the right crotchspace to let Dieter paint my naked body and be cool about it, but if I was, I would hope it would be as endearing as this.

Dress Me Up and Call Me Pretty by @morallyinept This is one of the hottest things I have ever read. Dieter is an absolute mess, his own worst enemy, and reader is an angel who gives him everything he needs--and discovers she likes it too. The LOVE. The kink. The marathon. The care. Just go. Go now and get your strap on.

Run Over By A Reindeer... by @blueeyesatnight Blue has such a good grip on Dieter and I love his perfect balance of shithead horny actor and genuinely nice horny guy. I laughed out loud at this multiple times too, because Blue's also good at Dieter's dipshit humor. This is definitely one of my favorites this season.

Smutsgiving 2023: Stuffing / Dieter Bravo by @something-tofightfor This is Dieter from Rachael's Locked Down series and I have a real soft spot for these two...and for this particular take on Dieter. He's someone who surprises you constantly, showing a disaster to the world while being actually put together underneath. Stuffing shows up in more ways than one here. As does mention of a raccoon....

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #10: Dieter Bravo - A Kiss While Baking by @something-tofightfor This one is sweet in every sense of the word. Brownies, kisses, heartfelt feelings, a peek at a possible future... I love Locked Down Dieter so much and it's nice to see him domestic and happy.

Touch Me Touch Me Touch Me by @missredherring It's subby D time! This time with a free use kink and some audio erotica built in! At first I was a little sorry for our needy boy, but man, does he get it in the end....and how.

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[daughterofthequeen]

Contribution

Pairings: Ezra Bridger x gn!reader

Requested by: @theriseofshin

A/N: I added a little more to the story I hope that's ok. And omg look at the gif I found, Eman is so Ezra coded. THE SHOULDER BOUNCE WHEN THEY SMILE. Ok so this based on season 3 episode 11 of Rebels and also somewhere in between S3 E11 and S3 E13. The idea just popped up in my head, we'll see how it goes. Reader is force sensitive. This is also unedited btw.

Summary: When you, Sabine, and Kanan followed Maul and Ezra to Dathomir, the witches somehow took away your powers. Which should've been impossible, but ever since that incident you've felt like you brought nothing to the team. You felt like you were in the way. Seeing this Ezra quickly took these thoughts from your mind reminding you of who you are.

Translation: kokipa- fear

You were laying on your bed enjoying having the room to yourself for once. I mean don't get me wrong, you and Sabine get along really well as roommates as well as sisters can be anyway, but lately in your spare time you'd ather be alone. After what happened on Dathomir, you rather not be around anyone.

EDIT: I accidentally deleted this when I was trying to make a correction. You guys don’t know how stressed I was.

And HUGE shout to @nubimera for reblogging this story because not only were you the first reblog of this fic but you are the reason I was able to get pictures of my fic so I wouldn’t have to rewrite it. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOURE SO AMAZING🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰and a big thanks to everyone who like my fic in the short amount of time of me posting before I accidentally deleted it🤦‍♀️🫣🤦‍♀️

Few weeks ago on Dathomir

After Ezra threw you out of the cave the spirit left your body, giving you back control of your limbs.

"Why is it every time we work with Maul, weird force stuff happens and I'm always hurt trying to save you?" You said with a small smile while trying to rub away your migraine.

"Wait you're hurt? Where?" Ezra responded reaching towards you looking for any injuries.

“I'm hurt mentally, these experiences take a toll on a person you know." You smirked and Ezra rolled his eyes at your teasing.

"I thought you were injured."

"I do have a heck of a headache if that makes you feel any better." You said as you stood up.

"No, you stay here. I'm going to go get Sabine and Kanan."

"Then I want to help."

"They'll just posses you again."

"And what about you?"

"I have a plan."

"Great, then I can help with that. I'll take Sabine and you can take Kanan." You said walking back into the cave.

Ezra sighed at your stubbornness and followed you in.

"You know you're pretty stubborn." Ezra says.

"I've been told that before."

Sensing something behind you, you quickly ignited your light saber and blocked the one aimed at you. You called out and told Ezra to go help Kanan before focusing back on your best friend.

"Sabine if you can hear me, I'm sorry." You said as you broke the hold of the lightsabers and kicked Sabine in her stomach sending her backwards. Seeing her getting up you pressed on slowly but surely backing Sabine towards the entrance of the cave before a force knocked you over. You opened your eyes to see the spirit that came after you the first time. You quickly dodged it and turned back around towards Sabine and when you did you felt a pair of fingers on your forehead and you hear one word before blacking out.

"Kokipa."

The Next Day

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your bed with Ezra sitting next to you, and it didn't take long to realize the damage that had been done. Once you had woken up completely everything felt quiet. You couldn't feel anything around you. You went to Kanan to ask him about it and he said it could just be fatigue, but you didn't believe it. You have been way more exhausted before and it never affected your powers. It wasn't until a few days later during a mission briefing when you realized your powers were gone. Hera was explaining the mission when you seen one of the cute hermit crab things that were all around chopper base. It was sitting next to your hand on the edge of the holo-table. Smiling softly you reached out to it with the force, well you tried anyway. It was something you would do all the time, but this time you couldn't feel its emotions or its presence. Trying not to panic you looked around trying to connect with any living thing you had seen, but felt nothing. Now it was time to panic. You looked towards Ezra and Kanan. Ezra must've felt your worry and unease because he looked up directly at you seeing your panicked eyes. A few seconds of the two of you staring at each other, he gave you a confused look. That's when you realized he was trying to talk to you through the force link only the two of you shared.

When the two of you met you both instantly created a bond that grew stronger every day. About a month into your friendship you both realized you could use the force to connect your minds and talk to each other telepathically. Kanan explained that it was because of the bond you two share and that it was a rare occurrence and could be dangerous if the two of you weren't careful with your emotions. Over time you both mastered the skill, only this time you couldn't hear Ezra thoughts at all or even feel him through the force. That's when you started to panic. You didn't even hear Hera when she asked if you were ok, or notice Kanan quickly moving to your side while Ezra made his way to the other. All you could hear was your body trying to catch its breath. You couldn't breath, and you could barely hear Ezra trying to walk you through slowing your breathing, but you couldn't. Every thing sounded like it was under water.

Kanan and Ezra walked you to the common room of the Ghost as the others followed, watching worriedly as Ezra was slowly able to calm you down.

"So, you gonna tell us what's going on?" Kanan said.

"Somethings wrong with me." You replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I've lost my powers."

Everyone was silent at first, a Jedi losing their connection to the force was so rare it was basically unheard of during the times of old. The only way for a force user to lose their powers was if they stopped using it completely.

"(Y/n), that's not possible."

"Then tell me what it is Kanan! It's not exhaustion, it's something else! It's like everything has gone quiet, if I wasn't looking at all of you right now, I wouldn't even know you were here! Tell me what to do Kanan.”

"I-I haven't seen anything like this before (Y/n). I'm not sure there is anything we can do. Let me think on it, we'll figure it out I promise." You could hear the sadness in Kanan's voice which only worries you more. You said nothing else as you stood up went to your room. You were anxious, angry, sad, and scared.

"What would my contribution to the team be now?" You asked yourself before the sound of the door opening caught your attention. It was Ezra.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey."

"How you doin'?" Ezra asked as he sat next to you on your bunk.

"How do you think I'm doing?" The pause that followed was uncomfortable and the guilt you felt caused you to sigh.

"I'm sorry, Ezra. I'm just- I don't know why I’m going to do.”

"Don't worry, we'll figure this out, (N/ n)."

"It's not just that."

"Then what is it?"

"How am I supposed to help the team?"

"What?"

"Without the force, I'm useless to the team."

"That's not true! You are more than just your powers (N/n)."

"Am I? I'm not skilled in mechanics like Sabine, I'm not as good a shot as Zeb, and I definitely don't even come close to flying as good a Hera. You and Kanan, even you guys come up with really good plans when needed. I can't do any of that stuff. I knew how to fight, but now that my powers are gone how am I supposed to do that well." You said looking away from Ezra.

"Woah, woah, woah, let me stop you right there. You are a vital part of this team, this family. And just because you think you don't contribute anything other than your lightsaber doesn't make it true. I can't tell you how many messes you've gotten us out of with your quick thinking, how many problems your creative mind help fix for everybody on this ship, constantly. And you're a fierce warrior with and without your saber."

"Ezra." You sighed.

"You are needed here, and I won't let you think otherwise. And I will repeat myself everyday until you believe it, if I have to." Ezra finished as he softly cups your cheek and turn your head back towards him to look you in the eyes.

"Thanks, Ezra. But-"

"No buts." He said leaning forward pressing a soft kiss on your cheek, then another on your lips. "Now, let's forgive this out. Start from the beginning." And you did. You told him about everything that happened yesterday, and retracing your steps helped you realize the reason your powers are gone. You were still anxious and afraid, but with Ezra there you knew everything was going to turn out fine.

————————————————————

A/N: Finally finished I hope this isn't to cringe or anything. And hopefully this fulfilled your request. Thank you so much for sending in your request, and giving me a chance to bring your idea to life. I will now be heading to bed. Good night, guys.

Edit: But I did discover something from this mistake if you have a iPad and an iPhone you can copy something from said iPad and all you have to do is click ast on your iPhone and it’ll paste whatever it was from your iPad to your phone. I’m late Ik BUT it was such a life saver because I promise if I had to rewrite this whole fic out again without a reference (not that I didn’t enjoy writing it the first time) this fic was going to be my 13th reason. Hope you guys enjoy, toodles👋.

[pedroshotwifey]

20 Questions for Writers 📑

I was tagged by @nerdieforpedro. Ty bb I love you ♥ I feel like some others may have tagged me in this a while ago so I send my thanks to you as well 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Technically, I only have 32. I would personally count all of my collections and challenges as separate fics, but I'm honestly too lazy to format them that way. (mostly thinking ab wcc here)

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

I have a total of 200,985 words right now. Didn't realize I'd hit the 200,00 mark yet!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I think it's safe to say Pedro Pascal is my fandom. I have no objections to writing for any other characters though---in fact, I've actually featured some Oscar Isaac characters in my fics before. I also have an unpublished Marc Spector fic that's been sitting in my docs for a while 🤭

4. Top Five fics by kudos:

Joel Fucking Miller (ao3 link) has 377 kudos. Dom Joel Miller fucks you over a table in this age gap enemies to....lovers(?) one shot.

Favorite Bounty (ao3 link) has 144 kudos. In this series, you unexpectedly hitch a ride with the Mandalorian and begin to grow close to him until you find out his secret.

Beg for it (ao3 link) has 121 kudos. Subby virgin Din is completely at your mercy in this one shot.

Wifey's Christmas Countdown collection (ao3 link) has 96 kudos. Lots of different characters and plots! Some are fluffy, some angsty, some smutty. Some are all three! Love these and I think some of my best writing can be found here.

Cramped (ao3 link) has 78 kudos. Subby virgin Din sitting in a teeny tiny cockpit with you. What more can I say? (gn! reader)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! It may take me a bit sometimes, but I love interacting with people who care enough to leave comments for me!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Already published, I think I'm gonna have to go with Cuts. I personally love this fic and think it's a bit underrated. (dark!husband Jack Daniels x f!reader)

OOO actually I think Alone Always is gonna take the cake here. (Din Djarin x gn!reader)

7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

I honestly have a habit of making most endings happy 😂 I don't feel like digging right now so I'm just gonna say What Matters. (Age gap Joel Miller x f!reader) This is also my most popular one shot on Tumblr with over 1,000 notes.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not too much, but I have gotten some shit for little things on TTF. This rly sucks because I let it get to me too much and I end up getting into a slump.

9. Do you write smut?

Do I write anything else?

jkjk, I love writing it all, but smut is for sure one of my more dominant themes!

10. Craziest Crossover?

Probably One Condition. Ezra (prospect) and Marcus Pike x f!reader. Messy dubcon-ish sex pollen one shot. It's pretty fun and got a lot of good feedback!

11. Have you ever have a fic stolen?

As far as I know, I have not. And I'm really hoping it stays that way! I'm just hoping that since my writing isn't super great, most copycats will stay away 🤣

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Have not, but I wouldn't be opposed. I know my friend (@kewwrites) and I have talked about doing fics and eventually crossing over into each other's before.

14. All time favorite ship?

Me and Pedro, Duh!!

Lmao nah in all seriousness, pls don't hate me, but I'm a little obsessed with Dinluke 😂🫣

And I'll go ahead and take this opportunity to say that my absolute least favorite ship is Dinbo 👎

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

omg I don't know 😭 I have some that are very slow going but I don't want to admit defeat because then it's set in stone 😂 Hopefully everything will be finished at some point!

16. What are your writing strengths?

No idea. I honestly think that sometimes I kind of lock in and am able to write immaculate stories, but most of the time they're just meh. Great at description at these times.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

BURNOUT FUCK YOU BURNOUT FUCKK YOU FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

Currently going through an awful streak of it and I'm stressing out because I finally have time to write and am just not able to 🫠

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Fantastic if used right! I love little terms here and there depending on the ethnicity of the character and their first language since it definitely adds to the authenticity. I do like for the translation to be at the end of the phrase/excerpt though instead of at the end of the fic.

19. First Fandom you wrote in?

PPCU! Loml fr

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is so tough because I forget them all 😭 And then I'll read them again a few months later and fall in love and be like "this is the best thing I've ever written", and then forget again. 🫠 I genuinely have no idea.

I would love more than anything right now though if anybody would care to drop their favorite fic of mine in the comments of this post or even in my inbox ♥ I think it would help a lot to hear atm!

NPT: @kewwrites @notjustjavierpena @iamasaddie @strang3lov3 @freelancearsonist @janaispunk @beardedjoel @ghostofaboy

[the-blind-assassin-12]

The Purest Element

1200 words for 1200 followers #8

A/N: Hi friends! Welcome to the 12-A-Palooza! This event is my way of saying thank you for sticking with me. Your support and kindness toward me and my writing is out of this world and I’m grateful for every last one of you! This one takes place in the Bad Idea universe, but could be read as stand alone, too. All you need to know is that Reader is an artist, and these two newlyweds love each other so much it's stupid. Please enjoy this moment of loving, supportive, domestic fluff with more than a hint of spice. 💚

Warnings: language, a little bit of very light smut with heavy suggestion of more to come, little bit of late night toking.

Requested by: @jessahmewren Song: Strangeness and Charm Character Choice: Once again I was given the choice between two characters, and once again I chose against Ezra. Who even am I?! (Don't worry, my favorite spaceman will get his due very soon.) The song is a play on scientific terms and how love, like chemical reactions, can be beautiful and pure as well as volatile and unbalanced. Fun fact: "Strangeness" and "Charm" are characteristics of two types of Quarks, which are subatomic particles that make up all matter. (please note, I am not a scientist and my understanding of these terms is only at a surface level like Dieter's is in this piece.) I hope you enjoy this little science lesson given by none other than Dr. Bravo himself.

Summary: You have to stay up late to take a call for work and Dieter waits up for you... and can't wait to share what he's learned for a new role he's got coming up.

“Thanks again. I know it’s quite late in Los Angeles, so I really do appreciate you setting the time aside to take the call. It was great chatting with you.” Hattie, the owner of a London art gallery that you were arranging a show for, gave you a bright smile. “And I’m very much looking forward to meeting you in person next week.” 

Despite how tired you were - the time difference not doing you any favors for a video call that was scheduled at 10 am there - you grinned back at her. “Same here.” You finished up by confirming the details again, and as the clock in the bottom corner of your laptop changed to 3:26 am local time, you closed the window and shut your screen. 

It’s happening. 

It was going to be your first international show, and you were thrilled about what taking that step meant for your career. Booking in London had been a goal of yours for as long as you could remember. The fact that it was only a few days away from becoming reality hadn’t fully sunk in yet, and you expected that it wouldn’t until you saw your work hanging at Hattie’s place. And the fact that when you did finally get to have that moment, Dieter would be there with you, only made you that much more excited. 

He’d been to plenty of your openings in New York and L.A., even one in Denver. But this was the first one he would attend as your husband, the two of you fresh off your honeymoon and just starting to get back to work. In a rare stroke of luck regarding your schedules, Dieter had gotten a role in a movie that was set to start filming in London three days after your collection opened, so him being there wouldn’t even require any extra travel. 

It couldn’t have worked out better. 

Stretching your shoulders, you rose from the armchair in the corner of the study and flicked the light switch on the wall. You were exhausted, but there was still a baseline hum of excitement buzzing through your veins, and as you padded down the hallway and into the living room, the sight that awaited you there only intensified that feeling. 

Oh, would you look at him? Fuck. You bit your bottom lip as you entered the room, smiling around your teeth. That’s my husband. 

Sprawled across the couch on his stomach, iPad open in front of him and a joint held between two fingers to create a halo of smoke around his wild curls, Dieter looked up as he heard you come in. “Hey.” He set the joint down in one of the grooves of the ashtray he was using and sat up, one leg tucked under his body and a lopsided grin curving his lips. “How’d it go?” 

You let out a sigh as you sunk down into the couch beside him. “Fine.” His arm came around you as you reached for the still-burning joint and took a small hit. This’ll help me wind down for bed at least. Exhaling, you leaned against him, his well-worn pullover sweater soft and comforting. “Hattie just wanted to finalize everything.” You hummed, setting the joint back where you took it from before looking up at him. “Why’re you still awake?” Lifting your hand up, you raked your nails through his hair and around his ear. “You didn’t have to wait up for me. It’s late, and-” 

Dieter leaned down to press his lips against yours, cutting you off.  “I wanted to take my wife to bed.” 

The tone of his voice simultaneously made your heart swell and made heat pool low in your belly - because you knew very well what he was capable of once he got you where he wanted you. You whimpered as you kissed him back. I want that, too, Dieter. 

He pulled back with a smirk, clearly pleased with the reaction he’d caused in you. He knows exactly what he does to me. And he likes it. “And - ” He used the arm that was around you to reach for his iPad, picking it up and handing it to you. “I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do some more research for the new role. This shit is incredible.” 

You let out a small laugh at the way he so easily switched from seducing you to excitedly sharing what he’d learned in his digging. Glancing down at the page he had open, your eyes widened. “Charm Quarks and Antimatter.” Shaking your head and blinking rapidly, you set the device down on the coffee table. “What the fuck does that even mean?” 

He snorted and gave a half shrug, your body moving with the movement of his where you were still leaning into him. “Honestly I think I went a little deeper down the rabbit hole than I needed to, because I … They’re… subatomic particles? I think? I don’t know, I just kept clicking links and it just seemed like a wild read.” That got a full fledged laugh out of you, but he went on. “I did start out reading some things that were relevant to the part, though.” 

The new movie was called The Purest Element, and it told the story of a Physicist - played by Dieter - who had set out to prove that love was nothing more than a chemical reaction, only to fail and fall in love with one of his test subjects. It was a dramatic role that required the confident delivery of a lot of technical scientific jargon, so Dieter wanted to make sure that he familiarized himself with some of the terms. You had no doubt that while you were in the other room on your Zoom call, he was using his phone to record himself pronouncing things like “electron-positron colliders”.

“Did you?” You asked through a yawn. He nodded, the tip of his nose bumping your cheek as he trailed his lips toward your ear. “Like what?” You mumbled the question as you felt him shift his hold on you to ease you down onto the cushion. 

“Like… how when I touch you?” He dragged his hand slowly up your thigh, pinky snagging on the hem of your shorts before he continued his path upwards. “When my skin touches your skin?” You sighed as he inched his fingertips under your top, trailing them over your belly and to your side, your shirt hiking up around his wrist. “And you get all flustered?” He nipped at your earlobe, the contact forcing your lips to part, a ragged breath slipping out. “What you’re really feeling is a catalytic reaction brought on by friction.” His hand slipped all the way up beneath your shirt to cup your breast. 

“Sounds…” You swallowed as he worked his tongue around the small stud earring you were wearing, your fingers twining through his hair as you tipped your head back. Fuck that feels amazing. “Sounds very scientific, Dieter. Maybe we should do some more experiments just to be sure.” 

There was a spark in his eyes as he responded. “See? Had to stay up. It’s for science.” 

.

.

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list, please feel free to let me know. You can also fill out the form on my Masterlist! :)

tags: @something-tofightfor @littlemisspascal @tentacruels @alraedesigns @practicalghost @trickstersp8 @princessxkenobi@imtryingmybeskar @mswarriorbabe80 @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @jedi-in-crocs @chiyo13 @myloveistoolittle @Noisynightmarepoetry @haylzcyon

[parkezra]

✨ hello, beautiful citizens of jongnorp! ✨ how the hell are ya?! my name's ryan (h/h, 25+) and i'm so thrilled to finally be posting one of my eight muses' (yes, i know... i know 😅) intros! first up is one of my all-time favorites, ezra park! he's currently working as an influencer who mostly creates fashion, lifestyle, social commentary, and makeover content, but he'll be expanding his résumé with exciting new projects very soon! 👀 below, you'll find a quick breakdown of his life, as well as bits and pieces of his personality. please 💖 this if you'd like to plot!

1.

to keep things simple, he was born and raised to a rather liberal family in queens, nyc. both his parents made good money, he felt very supported, loved, and accepted, and honestly speaking, he had a rather idyllic childhood. i've written this muse before, but in this update of him, i wanted to give him a less grim upbringing.

however, his brighter history has created new flaws. being that he grew up in a rather privileged environment, it's made him ignorant to many things, and upon moving to seoul, he's been hit in the face with plenty of life's harsh realities. he's on his own now (for the most, part, anyway—his older half-brother is also in seoul), he's starting a career for himself, and it's his first time in a part of the world that's dramatically more conservative than the safe haven he surrounded himself in back home.

is he losing his mind? sort of, but he's doing keep his feet on the ground. he'd love it if you joined him on this new journey he's on!

2.

ezra park is a hedonist. he's someone who'll never say no to another drink, or a second slice of cake, or going home wrapped around the arm of a handsome someone. he's over-indulgent like that, and substantially sensual, as well. he's someone who will catch a man's attention by eye-fucking him across the room, then moments later, appearing only to whisper the most delicate compliment in his ear; hoping that the sweet scent of his breath and the feeling of it ghosting along the other's skin is enough to reel him in for a night of fun.

if there is one thing that ezra park values, it's beauty. why else would he host a show on his channel that highlights attractive men from around the city, mostly by giving them makeovers? why else would he be teaching people how to upgrade their closet with clothing that accentuates their best features? why else would he be interested in ensuring that he never leaves the house looking anything other than immaculate? however, he realizes that, like most things, beauty is subjective, and he aches to discover what others find people, too.

ezra park is an individual, much to the chagrin of his grandparents' home country. he's still not gotten used to the stares of his elders whenever he enters public transit, or the glares he receives from his peers when he's a little too "flamboyant" in a public space, but he likes to think he's learning how to comfortably coexist in a place that doesn't fully understand him. after all, that's kind of all he can do. he made the choice to learn about his heritage and expand his career by relocating, and it's a choice he has to live with now. at least for the foreseeable future.

3.

ezra has a show on his youtube channel where he gives handsome men from around the city (often male models, drag queens, and less often men from off-the-street) to interview and give makeovers to. he asks them questions about growing up in korea, and the knowledge they have on queer individuals, and their opinions on certain topics. in addition to this, he also hosts queer people of korea to ask them, specifically, about their experiences living in the country; hoping to shed awareness on stories told by marginalized voices. these could work as connections!

he's been in the city since february of last year, so it's been around a year and he's likely made some friends! maybe they could be your muses?

he's also likely slept around with plenty of men. he's no stranger to jongtaewon, and even hongdae, so if your muses frequent these areas, they've likely ran into him or ended up in his bed.

does your muse watch his content? do they love it? hate it? have them tell him! it'll be a fun time either way!

i'm honestly down for any and all connections, and this is already so long, so let's come up with something incredible together! 🥺💖

[praetoravila]

Hi hi hi!! Don’t know if you still want some OC facts, but here’s two about each of my BTR babies!!

Ezra’s first fictional crush was Linus, Matt Damon’s character in Ocean’s Eleven, but he told everyone it was Julia Roberts’s character in Ocean’s Eleven because he didn’t really know how his family would react at that point.

Amara’s middle name, Daniela, is the same as her mother’s, which given her and her siblings’ relationship with her parents she has Complicated Feelings about.

Nicki also does not have a good relationship with her mother! Her mother, Helen, didn’t want a kid and left when Nicki was still a toddler, and she’s been so no-contact that she doesn’t even know Nicki is trans.

Kalani has been writing songs since they were ten, and still has the beat-up notebook they wrote all their first ones in.

Ezra actually has been offered the opportunity to act in a commercial with Destiny before, but he turned it down; he’s not really built for being in the spotlight or in front of a camera, and he knows that about himself.

Although Amara and James do become unexpected besties, she’s a little iffy on him originally - she originally thought he was kind of shallow and a typical Hollywood wannabe, but she did realize she was wrong.

Nicki’s dad, Patrick, is actually British! He’s from a wealthier family and moved to America shortly after he graduated university, wanting to make a new life for himself outside of his family’s influence, and he eventually wound up in Portland, where he met Nicki’s mom.

Kalani’s first self-titled album, which they release towards the end of the events of the show, features duets with both James and Lucy, as well as a feature from all of Big Time Rush.

Hope you like these, and feel free to tell me some facts about your babies too!! Hope you’re doing well!! <3 <3

hi dolly! amazing headcanons omg. the one about nicki’s mom is heartbreaking and i just want to hug her. i love all your ocs so much!! here’s a few for my ocs!

macie learns how to produce music from gustavo, and when she decides she’s had enough of singing, eventually she takes over rocque records as head music producer!

noah’s favourite book is the giver. he’s read it at least 9 times

olive cuts her hair in s3 as a form of reshaping her identity. the first time logan sees her w short hair, he’s shocked but it ends up becoming his favourite look on her

elisa and kendall are pretty good friends! she doesn’t really get hockey, but she’ll sit and watch games w him!

laela was born in maui hawaii, hence why she has a traditional hawaiian name. her mom couldn’t think of one the entire pregnancy so she asked one of her nurses for name suggestions!

macie’s favourite city she’s been to on tour is seattle. there’s just something about that city that resonates with her.

[romerona]

Chapter 3: The wise leaves.

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ɪᴛ ꜰɪɴᴅꜱ ʏᴏᴜ. ꜰᴏʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴇᴍᴇʀꜱᴏɴ, ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ʜᴇʀ, ɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴄᴋᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴏꜰꜰ ʜᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ… ʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀʟʟʏ.

Harry James Potter x OC

Masterlist.

----------------------------

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

Padma looked up from her vanity table, next to the window that overlooks the black lake, to a very distraught-looking Love Emerson. "Love, what's wrong?"

"Where is it?" Love mumbles to herself as she empties her trunk, taking out every book she has, glancing at it and then throwing it on her bed with a grunt. "Carajo."

"Love?"

"I lost it." Love said, as look again over her already disregarded books, in hopes of finding what she was looking for.

Clothing items scattered on her bed, papers, shoes, a bottle of flowery scented perfume, books, several quills, Hoppy croaking under a shirt, a knicker here and a bra there, it was a right mess.

Padma stood up and moved to Love's bed, glancing at the mess in it. "Lost what? Maybe I can help you?"

"Wanderlust," Love says exasperatedly as she begins to pace with a worried look on her face.

"Your journal?" Padma asked, head following Love's frantic moves from one side of the room to the other.

Love didn't say anything she just nodded, chewing on her lips with a frown on her face as she fiddled with her Ravenclaw scarf. "When was the last time you had it?" Padma sat down on Love's bed, looking at the books on it.

Love sighs, looking at the heavens in thought yet never stopping her back and forward walk.  "When I was in Ezra's car I read through it, then I think I put it under my arm or maybe my satchel but it's not there so, I- I don't know I was in a rush...Oh, how could I have forgotten?"  She runs a hand over her hair, ruffling it as her pacing intensifies.  "Padma, what am I going to do? There are so many important things in there, photos, tickets to places, memories, Padma, invaluable and irreplaceable memories... what am I supposed to show my children when they ask about my life? My poor children, they'll be so disappointed when their mother has nothing to show them, how am I to face them then, they'll resent me. What if- what if someone took it, what if someone read it? Merlin, what if a muggled found it? There are moving pictures in it too. Oh, Rowena, I'm going to prison Padma, I'm going to–"

"Love," Padma yelled, snapping her out of her train of thought and stopping her rambles.

"What?"

"Relax." She said standing up and moving to her vanity table. She picks up a brush and moves back to where Love was pacing. "Don't obsess over it, okay? I'm sure it's here somewhere."

"I'm not obsessing, I'm stressing." She told her, stopping mid-step when her friend blocked her way.

"Well, it's not healthy, you'll break something important if you continue to overthink," Padma said, whilst pushing Love to the vanity table and sitting her down on the chair.

"Padma–"

"Take a deep breath, please."

Love sighs tiredly but does as told, she closed her eyes and takes a very deep breath.

"Better?" Padma asks as she runs the brush through her honey hair.

"Yeah," Love said, opening her eyes and staring through the mirror at her friend. "I'm still worried though.

"I know, but I'm sure we can find it, maybe it fell when the house elf was moving around the luggage." Padma offers as she twists Love's hair in a braid. "And I solemnly promise, that after class, I'll help turn Hogwarts upside down to find it, I'm sure Emma will too."

"But what if it's not?"

"Then we'll start a new one for the sake of my future nieces and nephews." Padma joked, sending her a look.

Love scoffs a laugh but nodded nonetheless. "Fine... I'll wait until after class."

"Good, now look at my masterpiece."

"Pretty but..." Love grabbed a blue ribbon and lace it at the end of the braid. "Now it's done."

🤍

"What is wrong with you today? It's distracting." Huffed Emmanuel, as he look up from his charms book in annoyance.

Love looks up from her own breakfast to Emma. "I haven't said anything."

"Exactly, you usually show up to breakfast with your annoying greetings yet I've lack to receive mine, meaning something must have happened, it's distracting me a lot more than the ruckus down the Slytherin table." He glares at her.

Love sighs, looking at the green and silver table where sure enough Draco Malfoy was making a fool of himself by choice while mimicking fainting, mocking Harry Potter, no doubt. Tearing her eyes from the laughing students to Emma, a small teasing smile made it's way to her face. "Sorry for not greeting you, I didn't know it was that important to you."

"It's not." Emma mumbles quickly, his cheeks turning pink as he hides himself behind his book. "I just found it strange, so tell me already what happens so I can concentrate."

"Hold your hexes, Emma." Padma sniffles a laugh behind her glass of pumpkin juice. "Love misplaced her wanderlust, I had to stop her from going into a full overthink panic mode."

"I wasn't going into a panic mode, I'm  just a bit stressed that's all." Love said, sending Padma a flat look.

"No, my dear friend, you totally were."

Emma place his book down once again and grabbed toast. "And you didn't find it, I'm guessing?"

Love sighs in defeat, placing her head in her palm. "No, but Padma promised she'll help me after class, and talking about class..."

Professor Flitwick was approaching them, with his never faltering welcoming smile and levitating parchments following behind.

"Good Moring." Said the professor in his squeaky voice as he flick his wand and three parchments levitate over to each of them.

"Good Morining, sir." The trio answered in unison, all sending him polite smiles.

Flitwick eyes settled on Emma's book and shinned in recognition. "Ah, Mister Salazar, I see you're starting your charm lectures."

"Just trying to get ahead, professor." Emma told him grabbing his timetable, slightly sheepishly.

Flitwick laughs softly, "You'll end up leaving us all behind, Emmanuel and then who'll be there to guide you?"

"We've been telling him sir, but this is one stubborn Ravenclaw." Padma said, earning a glance from the boy. "But aren't we all?"

Love smiled looking at her timetable. "I think hard-working works best, wouldn't you say?"

"Right you are, Miss Emerson." Flitwick sends her a warm smile. "We Ravenclaws aren't stubborn but hard-working, I'll expect nothing less from my students."

"Shall you receive nothing less," Padma said, sending Flitwick a quick wink.

And with one last smile Flitwick continues walking along the table, giving the students their timetable.

Love hums, looking at hers. "I've got Divination first."

"You're the only one, I've got Arithmancy," Emma said, biting into his toast.

"And I've got a free period." Padma smiled, taking her time eating a spoonful of cereal. "The good thing is that we all have Charms and then Care of Magical Creatures together."

"I guess." Love shrugged still looking at her Time Table, she noticed they had most of her class mixed with the Gryffindors, like Astronomy, Defence Against The Dark Arts and Transfiguration but that class only a few times a week.

Then, she heard Pansy's overly loud voice making her glance up. "Potter! The Dementors are coming, Potter! Woooooooooo!"

Love rolled her eyes, trying her best to ignore the cackling Slytherins, she didn't understand what was so funny about the situation but alas it was not like she wants to understand how the Slytherins thought either.

"Divination is on the North Tower, It's going to take me ages to get there." Love sighs, sipping her pumpkin juice.

"Better start walking then, or you'll be late."  Emma said, placing his timetable inside the pockets of his robes. "By the way, after I'm done with my assignments I can help you search for your journal."

Love smiled."Thank you for offering, Emma."

"Took you long enough to offer your help."Padma scoffs.

Emma rolled his eyes. "I was a bit preoccupied with Flitwick if you didn't notice."

"He was here for like a second."

Love rolled her eyes and not feeling like hearing them argue, she stood up from the table. "I'm leaving now, see you lot later."

"Don't leave me here with her..." She heard Emma call as she walked away.

Finding the North Towel wasn't as difficult as she expected, she asked a couple of students who were walking along the halls and a few paintings to finally make it to the class but what was indeed tiring was the amount of stairs she had to climb to get there, one would think after three years of climbing the stairs to get to her common room would make it easier but it didn't, at all.

"Merlin, finally." Love pants tiredly when she arrived at the tiny landing, where most of the class was already assembled and she was surprised to see most of them were Gryffindors.

"Love." The girl heard familiar voices calling her.

"Parvati, Lavender." Love smiled at them, as she approached.

Parvati smiled at her and then looked around. "Where's Padma? I thought she would have been here with you."

"Oh no, she had a free period since she didn't choose any class." Love told her.

"Of course," Parvati rolled her eyes, "Lazy as always."

Love giggles a little, because its true. "So, I don't see any door around here?"

"That's because its up there." said Lavander, pointing at the ceiling, where there was a circular trapdoor with a brass plaque on it with what Love thinks its the Professor's name.

Love frowns and hums. "Intersting, I wonder how it works... do you maybe its like–"

And then suddenly, the trapdoor opened, and a silvery ladder descended right at Harry Potter feet.

"Reckon it works with password." Love mumbles to herself as she climbs the trapdoor, behind Lavander and Parvati.

The classroom was really interesting looking, but Love thigh that it went well with the subject, it felt right. The room had at least twenty small, circular tables were crammed inside it, all surrounded by chintz armchairs and fat little poufs. Everything was lit with a dim, crimson light; the curtains at the windows were all closed, and the many lamps were draped with dark red scarves. It was stiflingly warm, and the fire that was burning under the crowded mantelpiece was giving off a heavy, sickly sort of perfume as it heated a large copper kettle. The shelves running around the circular walls were crammed with dusty-looking feathers, stubs of candles, many packs of tattered playing cards, countless silvery crystal balls, and a huge array of teacups.

A voice came suddenly out of the shadows, a soft, misty sort of voice.

"Welcome," it said. "How nice to see you in the physical world at last."

Professor Trelawney moved into the firelight, she was very thin; her large glasses magnified her eyes to several times their natural size, and she was draped in a gauzy spangled shawl, sort of Gyspsy like, in Love's opinion. She also has Innumerable chains and beads hung around her spindly neck, and her arms and hands were encrusted with bangles and rings.

"Sit, my children, sit," she said, and they all climbed awkwardly into armchairs or sank onto poufs.

"Sit with us, Love." Said Lavender motioning to an available round table for the three of them.

Love smiled and sat with them, while taking out her book. "Quite Interesting, isn't she?"

"I'll suppose we'll see." Parvati said, shrugging. "I like her bangles though."

"I think she has charm... in a way." Lavender told them.

"Welcome to Divination," said Professor Trelawney, who had seated herself in a winged armchair in front of the fire. "My name is Professor Trelawney. You may not have seen me before. I find that descending too often into the hustle and bustle of the main school clouds my Inner Eye."

Love eyebrows shot up at the extraordinary pronouncement while sharing a look with the Gryffindors two girls.

Professor Trelawney delicately rearranged her shawl and continued, "So you have chosen to study Divination, the most difficult of all magical arts. I must warn you at the outset that if you do not have the Sight, there is very little I will be able to teach you... Books can take you only so far in this field..."

Love frowned, looking down at her book,  Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky wondering if that was the Professor's point of view, then why would she even send them to buy a book for her class in the first place.

"Many witches and wizards, talented though they are in the area of loud bangs and smells and sudden disappearings, are yet unable to penetrate the veiled mysteries of the future," Professor Trelawney went on, her enormous, gleaming eyes moving from face to nervous face. "It is a Gift granted to few. You, boy," she said suddenly to Neville, who almost toppled off his pouffe. "Is your grandmother well?"

"I think so," said Neville tremulously.

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, dear," said Professor Trelawney, the firelight glinting on her long emerald earrings.

Neville gulped.

Professor Trelawney continued placidly. "We will be covering the basic methods of Divination this year. The first term will be devoted to reading the tea leaves. Next term we shall progress to palmistry. By the way, my dear," she shot suddenly at Parvati Patil who slightly jumped on her chair, startled. "beware a red-haired man."

Parvati frowned and looked back, making Love and Lavender do so as well; she gave a startled look at Ron Weasley, who Love had just noticed was sitting right behind them with Hermione Granger and Harry Potter before edging her chair away from him.

Love couldn't help but chuckle softly, thinking to herself it was absurd Ron Weasley could cause harm to the girl, well... she didn't really know him but he didn't look like the type.

Her eyes caught Harry Potter's making her cease her laughter slightly embarrassed when she saw him staring back. She gave him a quick tight lip smile before turning back to her table, not noticing the boy's pink cheeks nor the glimmering in his green eyes.

"In the second term," Professor Trelawney went on, "we shall progress to the crystal ball -- if we have finished with fire omens, that is. Unfortunately, classes will be disrupted in February by a nasty bout of flu. I myself will lose my voice. And around Easter, one of our numbers will leave us forever."

A very tense silence followed this pronouncement, but Professor Trelawney seemed unaware of it.

"I wonder, dear," she said to Lavender Brown whose eyes widen, shrinking back in her chair, "if you could pass me the largest silver teapot?"

Lavender, looking relieved, stood up, took an enormous teapot from the shelf, and put it down on the table in front of Professor Trelawney.

"Thank you, my dear. Incidentally, that thing you are dreading -- it will happen on Friday the sixteenth of October."

Lavender trembled before looking at Parvati who gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Now, I want you all to divide into pairs. Collect a teacup from the shelf, come to me, and I will fill it. Then sit down and drink, drink until only the dregs remain. Swill these around the cup three times with the left hand, then turn the cup upside down on its saucer, wait for the last of the tea to drain away, and then give your cup to your partner to read. You will interpret the patterns using pages five and six of Unfogging the Future. I shall move among you, helping and instructing. Oh, and dear," -- she caught Neville by the arm as he made to stand up, "after you've broken your first cup, would you be so kind as to select one of the blue patterned ones? I'm rather attached to the pink."

Sure enough, Neville had no sooner reached the shelf of teacups when there was a tinkle of breaking china. Professor Trelawney swept over to him holding a dustpan and brush and said, "One of the blue ones, then, dear, if you wouldn't mind...thank you..."

Love awkwardly looks between Lavender and Parvati, both girls giving her a small guilty smile making her stand up. "I'm going to find a partner, girls, see you after class."

"Yeah, of course." Parvati smiled at her and so did Lavender.

It was an awful feeling, the glances between the two Gryffindor's girls, the feeling of not being wanted but not in a malicious way, like Love was a third wheel.

After getting her tea cup filled, Love swiftly looked around the room and noticed it was only one girl who didn't have a partner, Hermione Granger.

"Hey, you wouldn't mind if I..." Love said, looking down at the empty spot next to her.

Hermione's eyes widened before she quickly smiled and nodded her head. "No, not at all."

Love smiled back and sat down, she held her hand out. "Love Emerson."

"Hermione Granger." Hermione smiled, shaking her hand.

"Shall we?" Love said before taking a large gulp of the tea. "Not bad."

Hermione giggled, taking a large gulp of her own. "I suppose, but I rather black tea."

Love hummed, taking another large sip. "Too bitter for me, I'm more of a ginger tea type of girl."

"Ginger?" Hermione scoffs, bemused. "And you call Black tea bitter."

"Ginger is spicy, not bitter." She laughs, finishing her tea. "But I see where you're coming from."

Once both cups were drained and swapped over, the two girls opened their books at pages five and six.

"So, what's my future like Miss Granger?" Love asks, grinning.

Hermione frowns, tilting her head while looking at the cup in confusion. "Can't say I see anything other than soggy leaves but I suppose there's a circle and like a lighting symbol inside of it."

"Odd..." Love said, placing her head on her hand. "What do you think it means?"

"Broaden your minds, my dears, and allow your eyes to see past the mundane!" Professor Trelawney cried through the gloom.

"I think it's..." she looks through Unfogging the Future, passing a page. "It says that you'll find more than what you're looking for, have you lost something recently?"

"Wise leaves." Love huffs a humourless laugh, just as she was starting to forget about it all. "As matter of fact I have, I lost a book- well more like a journal, and it's very important to me."

If Love would have been paying attention to Hermione rather than the girls cup, she would have noticed the way her eyes shined with recognition.

"Anyways, what I see in your cup is... an oddly looking Cloud—" Love was staring into the teacup, rotating it counterclockwise.

"The falcon..." the voice of Trelawney made them look up at the woman who was near Ron's and Harry's table, looking at the latters cup. "My dear, you have a deadly enemy."

"But everyone knows that," whispers Hermione to Love but it was loud enough for many people to hear, including Professor Trelawney.

"Well, they do," said Hermione. "Everybody knows about Harry and You-Know-Who."

Love brows lift in surprise, as it was of general knowledge that Hermione Granger was the least likely to talk back to a professor, but she did make sense.

Professor Trelawney chose not to reply. She lowered her huge eyes to Harry's cup again and continued to turn it. "The club... an attack. Dear, dear, this is not a happy cup..."

"I thought that was a bowler hat," said Ron Weasley, sheepishly.

"The skull... danger in your path, my dear..."

Everyone was staring, transfixed, at Professor Trelawney, who gave the cup a final turn, gasped, and then screamed making Love jump out of her skin.

There was another tinkle of breaking china; Neville had smashed his second cup. Professor Trelawney sank into a vacant armchair, her glittering hand at her heart and her eyes closed.

"My dear boy -- my poor dear boy -- no -- it is kinder not to say -- no -- don't ask me...."

"What is it, Professor?" said Dean Thomas at once. Love decided not to stand from her seat, unlike Hermione and most of the class, who slowly crowded around Harry and Ron's table, pressing close to Professor Trelawney's chair to get a good look at Harry's cup.

"My dear," Professor Trelawney's huge eyes opened dramatically, "you have the Grim."

Love moved her eyes to the book, searching for the 'Grim' and what she found was nothing pleasant. An Omen of Death, Poor boy.

"The what?" Asks Harry, confused just like half of the people in the class, whilst the other half were shocked, mouths open in horror.

"The Grim, my dear, the Grim!" cried Professor Trelawney, who looked shocked that Harry hadn't understood. "The giant, spectral dog that haunts churchyards! My dear boy, it is an omen -- the worst omen -- of death!"

Love couldn't help but feel bad for Harry, who looked like he was about to cover the table with his breakfast.

"I don't think it looks like a Grim," said Hermione flatly, looking at the cup.

Professor Trelawney then surveyed Hermione with mounting dislike."You'll forgive me for saying so, my dear, but I perceive very little aura around you. Very little receptivity to the resonances of the future."

The look on Hermione's face was sour as the words left the Professor's mouth, Love understood both sides, Hermione had only been giving her opinion like the rest of the class was but she was still tactless when doing so.

"It looks like a Grim if you do this," Seamus Finnigan said, "but it looks more like a donkey from here," he said, leaning to the left.

"When you've all finished deciding whether I'm going to die or not!" Harry Potter snapped rightfully so, taking everyone by surprise.

"I think we will leave the lesson here for today," said Professor Trelawney in her mistiest voice. "Yes... please pack away your things..."

Hermione came back to the table and Love gave her a sympathetic smile. "Hey Hermione, don't listen to Trelawney, she's just grumpy that you disagree with her."

"Yeah, all of this is just a bunch of..." Hermione's voice got above a whisper. "Of rubbish."

Love giggled and shrugged while packing her books. "Maybe not all of it but it's not an exact 'science' either, if you know what I mean."

"Believe me I do." Hermione smiled back at her, putting her book in her heavy looking bag. "Are you a muggleborn?"

"And a very proud one."

Love and Hermione smiled at each other.

"Until we meet again," said Professor Trelawney faintly, taking the girls' attention, "fair fortune be yours. Oh, and dear," -- she pointed at Neville, "you'll be late next time, so mind you work extra-hard to catch up."

Love smiled once again at Hermione closing her satchel and hopping it up her shoulder. "I'm hoping to have you as a partner for the next class, Hermione."

"Oh, of course, Love." Hermione smiled back.

And with that Love left the class to charms, hoping to find her friends along the way.

🤍

When the Transfiguration class had finished, they joined the crowd thundering toward the Great Hall for lunch, much to Harry's delight.

"Ron, cheer up," said Hermione, pushing a dish of stew toward him. "You heard what Professor McGonagall said."

Ron spooned stew onto his plate and picked up his fork but didn't start.

"Harry," he said, in a low, serious voice, "You haven't seen a great black dog anywhere, have you?"

Harry could have laughed, he didn't though as it wouldn't help his current situation.

"I see Padfoot every other day," said Harry.

"That's your uncle, I hardly think it would count." said Hermione calmly.

"And there was that black dog on the cover of Death Omens in Flourish and Blotts."

"A coincidence."

Ron looked at Hermione as though she had gone mad.

"Uncle or not Hermione, if Harry's seen a Grim, that's -- that's bad," he said. "My -- my uncle Bilius saw one and -- and he died twenty-four hours later!"

"Another coincidence," said Hermione airily, pouring herself some pumpkin juice.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" said Ron, starting to get angry. "Grims scare the living daylights out of most wizards!"

"There you are, then," said Hermione in a superior tone. "They see the Grim and die of fright. The Grim's not an omen, it's the cause of death! And Harry's still with us because he's not stupid enough to see one and think right, well, I'd better kick the bucket then!"

Ron mouthed wordlessly at Hermione who opened her bag, took out her new Arithmancy book, and propped it open against the juice jug.

"I think Divination seems very woolly," she said, searching for her page. "A lot of guesswork, if you ask me, like Love said," she looked at Harry. "She was my partner in Divination today."

"I noticed." Harry mumbles, eyes subconsciously moving to the Ravenclaw table, easily finding the honey blonde hair girl.

"She's looking for that journal we found," Hermione told him, eyes going to her bag where she had kept the said book. "I think you should be the one to give it to her."

Harry's eyes snapped away from the laughing blonde to Hermione, his eyes widened as he processed what she had just told him. "What?"

"Ron said you haven't talked to her? This is the perfect excuse."

"I... but," Harry stutters, looking at Ron who seemed at a loss for words as he was.

"She's really smart and nice." Hermione said, taking the journal off her bag and giving it to Harry who wordlessly took it. "She agreed with me about how fleecy Divination is."

"There was nothing fleecy about the Grim in that cup!" said Ron hotly, words returning to him.

"You didn't seem quite so confident when you were telling Harry it was a sheep," said Hermione coolly.

"Professor Trelawney said you didn't have the right aura! You just don't like being bad at something for a change!"

He had touched a nerve. Hermione slammed her Arithmancy book down on the table so hard that bits of meat and carrot flew everywhere.

"If being good at Divination means I have to pretend to see death omens in a lump of tea leaves, I'm not sure I'll be studying it much longer! That lesson was absolute rubbish compared with my Arithmancy class!"

She snatched up her bag and stalked away.

Ron frowned after her.

"What's she talking about?" he said to Harry. "She hasn't been to an Arithmancy class yet."

Harry shrugged, he had been listening to half the conversation as his eyes blinked down at the journal on his hands. Love's journal, his mind racing at ways he could give it back, heroically. She might even be so grateful she'll give him a kiss, or go to Hogsmeade with him— not that that's the only reason he'll be giving her book back; he knows it's important to her but... he's tragically hopeful.

His stomach was fuzzy, a kiss from the Lovely Love.

A/N: I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please if you want to get tagged tell me.

[tea-reads]

Dreams of Love

Pairing: Violinist!Ezra x Pianist F!reader

Summary: Ezra, the favoured violin student who rarely performed solo, happens to hear a familiar song being played in the college's auditorium. He decides to pop in to hear more and to discover it was you, the solo piano student, practicing it.

Word count: 2.4K+

Tags/Warnings: College AU; hurt/comfort; fluff; yearning; pining; self-isolating and lonliness themes; mention of exes and bad friends; self-doubt and lack of confidence; one suggestive thought of Ezra's hands on reader's neck

A/N: Congratulations @pedrostories for 1K followers! Thank you for tagging me about your 1K celebration post recently. It helped give me a little boost to write again, as I've been wanting to for a while, but life gets in the way. Here's my submission. I'm so sorry for being a day over the deadline! I keep trying to write but things keep popping up! I'm real nervous sharing this since it's been a long time and I feel so frazzled. I honestly feel like I could've written this one better. Hope it's okay :')

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The auditorium holds no guests except for a pianist who walks on the stage, towards the grand piano. The class’s end of year student showcase was coming up in a few months, and your days were filled with nothing but solitude in practicing, studying and having lunch alone. It's not like you had any company throughout your college years anyways.

Your teacher gave you and your classmates plenty of time to organise yourselves to form your groups and decide on what piece you were to play for the showcase and as your final assessment. You knew what you were going to do, because like how you’ve spent nearly every day of your college life, you opted for solo.

You preferred it this way. It helped you to focus and stay out of any drama that could come up if you were to mix with the wrong crowd. Although, for all the friend groups - big or small - and the couples that had their place on campus, jealousy slowly bubbled within you, and followed closely by longing. Longing for someone to keep you company and because they genuinely liked being around you, and not for what you could offer.

Not after how your ex or your old “friends” treated you…

You shake your head to get rid the emerging pain from the past and brought your attention back to the piano. You start warming up with various scales and exercises before digging into the classical piece you chose for your final performance and assessment.

Whilst playing the heart of Liebestruame No. 3, a creak from the entrance door echoes throughout the room. You immediately stop and turn your head towards whoever it was that dared to enter whilst you were practicing.

Your heart drops when it’s Ezra standing there, holding his violin case casually yet professional, with that crooked smile of his, looking up at you whilst you look down at him from the stage. He softly says your name, a mix of surprise, awe and maybe a bit of happiness to see it was you playing the piano that it makes your heart flutter.

“I couldn’t help but see who it was playing Liszt’s piece. A masterpiece from the romantic era, if you will.”

He was a final year music student, just like you, and everyone else in your cohort seemed to consider him as the best, due to some bias of him being handsome, being so damn well spoken, and just knowing how to present himself. ‘Not sure why the teachers or the other students think he’s a prodigy. Anyone could do what he does…’ you frown at him as you thought of this.

You were grateful he played the violin anyways because if he also played the piano, you would have left on a whim the moment he entered.

Maybe what annoyed you most is how handsome he is. Or that you find that blonde tuff of hair on him cute. You wanted to get close to him, but he was so damn untouchable. Or maybe that he always seemed to he around someone or in a group.

Not only did the spotlight seem to always shine on him - literally and metaphorically - it meant that your eyes were always drawn to him, whether he enters the room or also takes the stage. He never played solo, and it infuriated you how you paid attention to him when he never plays to outshine your classmates. Now that you think of it, you weren’t sure what he was going to do for his final performance. Surely, he was already part of a group or something since most of your classmates excitedly discussed what they could perform with him the day the teacher announced the event.

“Is that the one you will be performing? I hope it is because you will do perfect; you play beautifully.” Ezra adds, praising you like he would with anyone else. You remind yourself that his compliments meant nothing more other than him just complimenting you. But it didn’t stop you from getting flustered though.

“It’s not a big deal…” You mumbled, looking down at the piano keys, but Ezra only laughs softly and gently disregards the thought:

“Actually, it’s a big deal. Mind if I volunteer to be your audience?”

‘No. Go away.’ the thought bubbled whilst your face twisted into a look of horror. Ezra immediately made note that maybe he was invading your privacy and your allocated time for practice.

“Apologies, apologies,” Ezra laughs sincerely, “I best be on my way.” He steps back out of the door, but you called out to him.

“N-no, you can watch… just.. I don’t know - don’t look at me.” You said without thinking.

Ezra pauses, and slowly, the gentle, kind smile of his appears once again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You stare at the black and white keys, your hands in position, yet never pressing. Your fingertips start to form thin layer of sweat and starts to tingle into a numbness. It was as though you lost all of your ability to play.

Ezra sits right in the centre. The spotlight is on him again. It made all of your your focus redirected to him. Even if he sits far away, it still feels like he is right beside you, looming over you.

“What’s wrong?” Ezra’s concerned tone fills the auditorium, easing off the pressure you’re putting on yourself.

Sighing, you turn to him.

“Honestly, I’m too nervous.” You muttered, embarrassed of how shy you’ve become. You turn to look at him and oh how you wanted to roll up your music sheets and use it to smack that smug look off his face.

“Because of the eventual performance, or because of my presence?” Ezra asks as if teasing you.

Your face heats up as you frown at him, pursing your lips to stop a quick insult from escaping.

“Because of the performance! I’m nervous of the performance!” You snap, flustered.

“Really?” Ezra asks, knowing it was a lie. He pretended to express curiosity in his eyes. “Just not long ago, I was certain I heard a confident pianist whilst outside in the corridors, as though it was Liszt himself.”

Your face heats up as you try so hard to refrain yourself from falling into the trap of his charm.

“Shut up and just... go away!” You huff, helpless and embarrassed.

Ezra laughs softly then gets up from his seat and makes his way towards the stage with his violin case. A flash of anger spreads across your face. “What are you doing!?” You ask hastily as Ezra sets his violin case on the wooden floor of the stage.

“I too would be nervous if I were to perform a piece that is both romantic and like a love letter.” Ezra said, not answering you question, as he takes out his violin and bow. "It's like you're confessing, isn't it?" He smiles knowingly, but you convince yourself that he's saying that in general. You grow more and more nervous as he comes around to the side of the stage, walking up the stairs to join you. He keeps the same soft smile, one that tells you that he's not going to bite, and he positions himself on the stage.

As soon as he gently places the bow on the strings of the violin, you then look at his hands.

…His hands…

How does a violinist’s hands compare to a pianist's?

You thought about how his hands would also have gone through many hours and years practicing and mastering the violin. How Ezra would have had to learn how to adjust and adapt his fingers whilst thew grew and be able to play the softest of notes and never snapping any strings. How strong and sturdy they would be as well as pressed marks of the strings would be imprinted on the tip of his fingers.

Or how they would slide up and down along the strings of the neck of the violin with a gentle grip.

…

How would they feel on the skin of your neck?

Ezra glances back at you and catches you staring - but he will never catch the unwanted thoughts you were having of him just then. You blink at him and grew flustered once again.

“Shall we?” He asks politely, smirking as he winked.

“Y-you’re just going to play along with me? Duet?” You ask, stammering as you try to mentally rid of the unwanted thoughts and collect yourself.

“Yes. I’ve been practicing this one for a while, and I suppose I am curious to hear how it will sound if I were to play with a pianist.” Ezra says matter-of-factly, offering an encouraging smile. But you only grow more flustered that he wanted to play it with you. It just had to be you. There were other pianists from your cohort. Why you?

“Now… are you ready?” Ezra asks, eagerly. You supress saying another word that will delay in beginning yours and Ezra’s little duet, and position your hands on the keys once more. You take a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

“Yes. I’m ready…”

And you start to play.

The moment Ezra enters the piece hitting his first note, there was an immediate connection shared between the two of you. The sound of the violin accompanying the piano felt as though it opened a door that freed the pain of loneliness you buried yet carried within you.

As you close your eyes and let your fingers flow with the keys of the piano that you have practice thousands of times, the strings of the violin continued to guide you, putting your heart at ease. You felt like you were soaring. You felt that moments like this reminds you why it is worth opening yourself up again to the person who would keep it warm and protected.

Or maybe that was the effect of the song itself. It's supposed to be dream-like.

Ezra glances at you whilst he plays the violin, smiling to himself as he sees how much you are enjoying yourself for once.

Maybe that’s why Ezra is favoured to be part of a duet, trio, quartet or whatever number of instrumentalists are needed to be in an orchestra… He knew how to adjust himself to one’s rhythm and tempo and make it all sounds beautiful… He was the one to bring it all together, as if he was the one orchestrating, but he was the one people sought for and relied on him to lead them. You saw him how amazing he is at improvising too during one class…

Maybe it was all because he was an intuitive soul and knows how to use his head and his heart to create and express what he wants with his hands.

The final note rings throughout the auditorium. You look at Ezra and finally ask, “So why me? There are others in our class who can play the piano, Ezra, and they’re obviously better than I am. You could even perform this one for your assessment with them… you know I only do solo…” The way you murmured the last line sounded as if there was a weight pushing you down, and it was one you no longer want to carry anymore.

Ezra looks at you as kept looking down at the piano and fidget with your fingers.

“It’s rather simple,” Ezra begins, “I walked by and heard someone playing this song. It was the sign I needed to bring forth what I held close to mind.” Ezra’s smile reached his eyes, his enthusiasm beaming at your disbelieving eyes that rolled.

“Besides… I like the music you perform most, and I think I know what I’d like to do for my final performance.” Ezra laughs quietly. “I’ve been wanting to accompany you for a while, and this must be the perfect time.” You weren’t sure if he was subtly confessing to you about his feelings, but you were busy feeling sick by the fact he actually pays attention to you when you share your work during class.

It felt… wrong. Like you don’t deserve it and that it should be someone else.

Ezra picks up the look of doubt and speaks again, using the same kind and gentle tone.

“Whether you like it or not, you have a gift. Anybody who takes a seat in this room -” Ezra gestures towards the empty seats, “or happens to witness or step into your presence, they are going to be blessed by what you bring with your talent.”

Ezra pauses, letting his words sit with you before he continues.

“There’s a reason why you chose to play this one, isn’t there? There’s always been a reason why you pick the songs you play, correct?” Ezra’s question hangs in the air for a few seconds, the kindness and the knowing tone encourages you to answer.

“…Because… it’s what I feel… It’s easy to play music that resonates with me, rather than showing off the technicalities and the intricacies of ‘difficult’ pieces… I’d rather score high in taking the courage to show my heart than just perfectly executing technique from the composer… it’s…” You sigh, holding back the truth that love was all you wanted, and Liszt’s song was best at expressing your desire to be seen after all you have been through.

“I just want to enjoy myself for once and express how I really feel and be seen for it… because anyone could replicate what Liszt wrote on the sheet, but nobody could replicate what he felt when he played...” you trailed off, not wanting to share more of your demise.

Ezra looks at you, pondering at your words for a few minutes.

“Well,” he says softly, “I see you. I hear you.”

Your heart stutters as you look at him, eyes wide in shock. Ezra smiles at you, tilting his head to the side as he looks at you affectionately.

“I see you.” He says once more, hoping it reaches you like how your performances reached him.

“Oh…” is all you could say, causing Ezra to chuckle. He then starts to walk towards the edge of the stage.

“I should also expand that you are the gift as well. Do not sell yourself short. It’s about time people start seeing you for who you are, and that you are valuable always.” Ezra says your eyes follow him as he hops off the stage and packs up his violin and bow.

Before he leaves the auditorium, he glances at his watch and looks back at you, “care for a coffee?”

Normally, you would decline, but maybe just this once it wouldn’t hurt to say yes. It’s not like he’s asking you out on a date.

And so you agree.

“Hopefully we’re not too late to make arrangements to become a duet as well.” Ezra grins.

Indeed, it wasn’t too late.

[noddytheornithopod]

Started playing Jedi: Survivor! Gonna post miscellaneous thoughts I’m having as I play through it. For reference, I’m also playing on Story Mode (I just want to be safe cuz I have no idea what will be thrown at me lol).

And of course, if it wasn’t obvious, spoilers under the cut.

So we begin with Cal being “captured” and taken to this Pau’an senator (the same one as in the first teaser). He seems to be like a big shot... or at least is hoping to become one, since he’s hoping to gain the Emperor’s favour by saying he caught a Jedi. It’s really just a ruse (the cops holding Cal are actually fellow rebels working for Saw Gerrera), and well soon stuff gets crazy.

Probably the most notable issue so far is framerate? Like, for reference, I’m playing on PS5 and am using Performance Mode (it would be pointless to do anything else since my TV only has a max 1080p resolution). It’s not exactly bad, like it definitely isn’t the nightmare that PC players seem to be experiencing, but I find that especially between the transitions between gameplay and cutscenes it can get kinda choppy. I get why the cutscenes have a lower framerate, it’s so they look more cinematic, and honestly I’m more than fine with that, but the transitions and even a few gameplay moments feel slow.

Also maybe it’s just because I already know how Fallen Order played and I’m also on Story difficulty, but I think the opening level dragged out a bit too long? It makes sense it’s an easy and simple level, but eh, who finds tutorial sections fun anyway, lol.

On the other hand, being in the Coruscant underworld was a pretty cool opening setting. There’s a lot of narrative parallels to Fallen Order already, and there’s parts of Coruscant that actually remind me of Bracca in some ways. Many parts looked a bit dark, but IDK if that’s just my TV or what, but that aside it all looked cool.

Nerd moment: the first enemies you fight being the patrol troopers from Solo was fun. What’s more fun than killing stormtroopers? Killing COP stormtroopers.

Bode seems cool, I guess. I do feel like them emphasising the monetary involvement he’s working with Saw for is gonna come into play later on though, like if someone offers him more to pay for him and his kid he could pull something on Cal. Also they introduced the buddy AI system, which lets you tell your friend to do certain things, and command them to help you in fights. IDK how effective it will be (especially on Story mode where so far I’m cutting through Stormtroopers like nothing lol), but it’s still cool to have your pal show up and fuck with some enemies.

Cal’s already got some fun quips, but I’m also interested to see he already seems darker. Like, when they eventually capture the senator, he basically makes a death threat, but what really stood out to me was when you learn the confusion power. Like, he literally says something like “I don’t think Cere told me to use it like that”. And like... that line only made me think of Ezra at the start of Season 3 of Rebels even more than already recalling Ezra puppet that walker off that base. Two Jedi who feel like they need to do more to stop the Empire and Dark Side, but are flirting with darker tactics to get there.

So Ninth Sister returns. The way she talks almost makes it sound like she’s some recurring enemy Cal keeps running into. KESTIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!!!!! But yeah she’s the first boss (which feels a lot like the first Trilla fight on Bracca, speaking of which another parallel has Cal pull a Trilla on one of the gunships surrounding them). Cal... fucking decapitates her. It’s an interesting moment to me, another sign he’s darker of course, but I’m getting a lot of different feelings here. Like on one hand, he doesn’t seem to relish it at all, even trying to reach out to her, even calling her Masana Tide, her original name before she turned dark. But on the other... he’s like “I’ll set you free” and decides who must live or die. Like sure, Masana wouldn’t listen to him, she’s just full of rage and pain, but still, playing executioner like that was still a dark moment to me.

I should also mention the lightsabre stances, because the boss is where you first lean dual blade. So far... I’ve barely used single blade, lol. I’m fine using double and dual blade for now, honestly. IDK how it is on harder difficulties, but I think they compliment each other nicely. Double blade for crowd control and more defensive fights, and dual blade when I feel like being more offensive. Also, nerd brain just thinks it’s neat to have a sabrestaff you split and put back together.

Controls are mostly similar, there’s some slight changes here and there, I’ll get used to them with time probably. Force powers still work as expected. I’m a monster that loves using confusion to make enemies fight each other, lol. It IS cool that it can’t work on all enemies though, like purge troopers are immune since they’d obviously be trained to resist mind tricks, some creatures you can’t seem to affect I guess because they’re just too weird or whatever, and you can’t use it on droids because they’re not organic. Making Bedlam Raiders kill their own droid underlings they’re in charge of is funny.

Oh yeah, Koboh. Only gotten up to Greez’s cantina and I just stopped right after I found the part we need for the Mantis, but it already feels massive. Interesting scenery too, like it reminds me of a savannah in like Australia or even Africa. Also, I’m guessing the bogling population came from the Mantis stowaways in Fallen Order, lol.

The minimap is much more helpful actually. Still a bit complex, but there’s a lot more notified to tell you where you can go and even traces where you’ve come from, and it helps give clearer directions on where to progress too. It’s not so easy like say Lego Skywalker Saga where the default just lets you follow markers that tell you exactly where to go, you still need to look around sometimes to find how to progress or solve a puzzle, but for someone like me who can get stuck for pretty stupid reasons, it is handy to have these extra hints.

So the scene with Cal and BD looking at old footage they had of the crew together was definitely sentimental. It seems to be around or soon after Fallen Order since the characters still have their looks from that game, but it’s nice to see the times they spent together, and you can tell how much Cal misses them all even if they all parted ways.

On the other hand... we got TWO Greez salt jokes within the span of a few minutes. They KNOW and they really want to remind us, lol. First, one of the videos displayed has Greez say to Merrin say something like “too much salt is bad for you”, which well, yeah, the irony is obvious. There’s also what used to be the Mantis’ terrarium now holding some old belongings, and one of them was Greez and salt related, I think it was his salt shaker? But yes, salty Greez fans, you will not be disappointed.

The locals at Koboh seem interesting enough so far. Little frog due and big Klaud dude! Rayvis had an... interesting first impression. Like at first he’s all shouty and dramatic to the point where I found it a bit much, but after Cal kills his enforcer, he actually starts acting more honourable and subdued? Hard to read guy, I guess. Sounds like he’s building to something, though I have no idea why harassing people on some Outer Rim world is necessary for that. Like, the people in the bar talk like they just show up and cause trouble because they can. Cal stepping in to defend the frog dude was cool though, nice reminder that at heart he’s still a Jedi even if I have... questions about some of his new tactics, lol.

Greez reunion! Was a pretty sweet moment, honestly. And there’s also a sassy droid at the bar who co-runs the place (I think their name was Monk?). Greez is rightfully concerned about Cal though, like Cal misses the crew but it sounds like his own obsession with fighting the Empire was a key factor in what caused the rifts to form in the first place. Something definitely seemed to happen with Cere especially, like when Cal talks about Merrin Greez is like “actually I was asking if you’ve spoken to Cere”. Cal does lose it for a moment, too. He feels like because he might be one of the only Jedi left, he has to shoulder that responsibility to fight the Empire. It’s kind of like the opposite to Obi-Wan’s situation - right around this time, Obi-Wan has given up hope and thinks it’s pointless to do anything, while Cal is so into the fight it seems like it’s consuming him. Like, Greez made this room for Cal to chill in even for a bit, but Cal’s all GOTTA GET ON THE MOVE. Also, for more parallels, a callback to the sleep talking scene, lol.

Anyway, stuck underground and Cal noticed something weird, I’ll get to it later and we’ll see what else happens!

[oonajaeadira]

Hi Adira!!! I hope you're doing well <3 <3 If you're still doing the Pedro asks, how about 7, 8, & 14??

Oh my balls, friend, this was buried in my inbox. I'm so so sorry!

If you could travel anywhere in the world with any Pedro character, who would be your companion and where would you go?

I could sit here all night and whittle this down to just one....or I could list my favorite boys and where I'd go with them. (This is assuming they are all contemporary-day and Earth-dwelling.)

Dieter: Start in Amsterdam and then museum tour of Europe--his choice.

Din: Thai meditation retreat.

Ezra: Iceland. He'd love that place.

Frankie: camping in Grand Teton.

Jack: I would actually like him to choose and surprise me; he'd be sure to choose something good. Bonus points if he flies us there himself.

Javi: Globe-hopping every Disney resort.

Javier: I actually think I might like to visit Hawai'i with him. Damn he'd be glorious in a speedo. Or a lei.

Joel: Open road trip in a camper van.

Max: Halloween in New Orleans.

Oberyn: Again, I'd let him choose. I know what he'd want to try or introduce me to, and he'd already know the best place to go.

PATS: Triple-jump London/Paris/Rome in late fall-early winter. Lightly bundled in jackets and scarves. Light snow. Warm baths.

Pero: Southern Spain and Morocco.

The Thief: St. Petersburg, specifically The Hermitage Museum. With the stipulation that he keeps his sticky fingers in his pockets (he won't).

Tim Rockford: Really anywhere. Getting him to take a vacation would be the hard part. I headcanon that he might take an interest in antiquities, like Egypt or Croatia or the Agean costal countries.

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Be flirted with by Agent Whiskey or Javier Peña?

Jack, hands down. Because he's corny and fun and I could flirt back knowing it was a good time. Javier is...a lot more subtle and soulful...and I could fall in love too easy. Without knowing his true intentions, that's an easy recipe for a broken heart.

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If you could only ever read or write fics for one Pedro character who would it be?

Disclaimer: this answer will change by the day/hour/mood.

If someone put a gun to my head right now, I would probably choose Ezra. What I love so much about Ezra in this fandom is that his fics run the gamut and they all feel very very plausible. We only get to see canon Ezra for a short period of his life, and under very very stressful circumstances. We all know that he’s doing what he has to to survive and that would bring out extreme decisions and personality from any of us. We never get to see what he’s like in his everyday life and therefore there are so many possibilities. I very much believe he could be the soft husband. But I also believe he could be the naughty spitter with a love of piss-play. There are some characters where I have a really strong aversion to the fic when I think the boy is being portrayed wildly out of character. But truly, I’ve yet to have this reaction to any Ezra fic. He has the ability to surprise.

And I love writing him. I love writing him so so much. As long as it’s been since I have and as much as I love playing and experimenting with the other boys, if I had to only pick one to put in situations for the rest of my life, it’s him.

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Pedro asks