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his ass is NOT grant o’brien!!!!
#dropout#game changer#zac oyama#aloe.etc#yes i know its because grant has covid but its still its funny they kept the bit going#100#200#hey why did this blow up so fast#300#400#GUYS CALM DOWN ITS NOT THAT FUNNY#500#you guys are on fire#600#700#what the fuck chat#800#900#1k#MY FIRST POST TO HIT 1K!! TYSM DROPOUT FANS!!!#2k#3k#4k#5k
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I made a character sheet to plot your OC's development over time! (There's supposed to be a character name in the big white space next to "over time" but it got eaten a little lmao)
You can use this for whatever you want, and you don't have to credit me. Feel free to change or edit anything you feel like. Please don't tag me if you credit me - just link to the original post.
Credits, explanations & a transparent version under the cut :D
Credits:
The actual image was made with the free NBOS character sheet creator, which is a sort of dated but free and solid text-layout sheet maker intended for ttrpg style character sheet creation.
Fonts used were Bisdak (titles) and Rockwell (body). Both are free! You can use them to fill it out if you like.
Inspired by a comment @maybe-solar-powered-calculator made on this other post about filling it out for characters at multiple points along their arcs. Thanks for putting the idea in my head :D
This is explicitly released under a CC0 1.0 deed, ie: you can do fucking whatever you want with it and I don't care and you don't have to tell anyone where you got it from and no one gets to stop you.
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Last time I made one of these I got a bunch of questions on all manner of things, and I can never keep up, so I'm just appending a set of notes for how to use it and a glossary because I know some of these phrasings will be confusing.
Ignore or change anything you don't feel like works for you here. You can do whatever you want forever.
Suggested / intended use & general notes:
This sheet could work for something story-level, if you want. But it's really only good for individual arcs; if the character goes through multiple arcs in your story, then they're going to fit poorly here. In that case, you're probably better off doing versions for each arc, or just adapting this to a different format more suited to your thing.
Also, if your arc has a nontraditional structure - divorced from the typical "rising action - climax - conclusion" type of structure where there's a clear 'important turning point' - it may not work as well either.
The mindset section is meant to come at it from a 'golden mean' standpoint - that is, everything on either extreme of the slider is 'too much' and therefore bad. It's not bad-to-good! The far right side is a flaw too. They're only grouped the way they are on basis of the specific OCs I personally had in mind when I put it together.
Growth is labeled 'worse'-to-'better' but it means, like, active decrease in that area vs active increase; if nothing changes, it should stay at the center even if it sucks. The category is about contrasting changes, and sometimes changes are for the worse!
The entire sheet is very deliberately subjective. It should really be answered from the character's perspective - how they feel about it, not what's necessarily true. Technically you can do whatever you want and I can't stop you, but it's a better tool if you approach it from the point of view that the character may believe things that aren't true - that will define their behavior way more than the objective facts of the story.
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Definitions:
This part is long as hell - recommend using ctrl+f to find the specific words you're stuck on. I defined everything.
General categories:
Mindset: how your character thinks about themself and how they act. Their understanding of their own approach to life. Attitude, viewpoint, decision-making process, that sort of thing.
Circumstances: the relationship between your character and the world around them. Where they are, what that place is like, and how they feel about it.
Growth: how the character and their impact - their attitude, their behavior, their immediate surroundings - changes over time.
Outset: the start of the character's arc.
Present: the 'center' of the arc. If you're planning something ahead of time and it hasn't 'happened' yet, then this is the near future.
End-game: where they are after the conclusion of the arc.
Mindset terms:
Center of the world: "If I have a problem, it's the only thing that matters to me." Self-centered, self-absorbed. Doesn't necessarily mean anything beyond that - they don't necessarily have to be unpleasant to be entirely focused on their own life.
my life isn't relevant: "Everyone else's problems are so significant, I don't pay any attention to my own". Someone who ignores or neglects their own life in service of some other thing, or doesn't consider their own behavior to have any real importance.
Only see enemies: Paranoid. Everyone's out to get them. Anyone who seems nonthreatening is hiding their potential for danger and everyone who seems threatening is a threat. The character must remain ever-vigilant, lest the cashier at the 7/11 suddenly stab them, or their best friend turn out to secretly be trying to poison them to death.
Only see friends: Naïve. Everyone is a good actor who wishes everyone else well, and if they don't seem like they're acting from a place of kindness or care then you probably don't understand what they're up to. The character is pretty sure the stranger holding that knife is, like, someone to chat up maybe, they're clearly only hanging out in this dark alleyway because it's a nice spot and no other possible reason.
overthink everything: Ten thousand thoughts per every single action taken. Maybe they never get around to acting at all. They have to consider every possible outcome. What if by eating lunch they accidentally trigger the apocalypse?! Who's going to think about these things if not them?!?!?!
impulsive to action: Act first, think never. What do you mean "consequences of actions"?
Unilateral decisions: "I will make every choice and no one else's opinions or thoughts are relevant". Discounts outside suggestions. Firmly convinced that they know best in any situation, and will brook no disagreement with their views when it comes to actually doing things.
Command me, please: "I don't know what to do and I don't know what to even start with, someone please tell me what to think". No confidence in their own views. Will not make any decisions unless forced and even then will beg someone else to please tell them what to do. Has no idea what's best and is pretty sure anyone else will have a better idea.
can't ask for help: No one will ever help the character; they have to do everything themself, even the things other people have repeatedly offered to do for them and have much more experience with. Doesn't necessarily mean that no one will help them or that they are explicitly barred by some real-world circumstance; just that, for whatever reason, they refuse to ask for help. This is an attitude thing - will they ever reach out? No? Then they're here.
too reliant on others: Have they ever solved a problem alone? Do they believe they're even capable of doing so? The character all the way at this end of the scale absolutely never expects to be able to do anything themself, has no trust in their ability to solve a problem, and needs someone else to come save them from it. The kind of person who needs ChatGPT to do their homework. Again - doesn't actually mean anyone will help them, or that the people they're relying on are reliable - just that they think they are helpless without ... well, help.
Weapon maker: This has to do with problem-solving strategies and not actual weapons. The weapon-maker is a character who views every situation as a conflict that cannot be de-escalated or solved by cooperation, and responds appropriately. The most fundamental weapon maker character turns everything into an argument, a fight, a war, etc. There are a bunch of other responses to conflict, though - they might avoid problems that need solving because they avoid conflict generally too. Fundamentally what you want to answer here is: when they see a locked box and they don't have the key, do they respond to it the same way they'd respond to someone telling them "you can't open this box"? And how do they respond to that? Typical weapon-maker approaches: - brute-force the box open or try and then give up if it doesn't work; and also get into an argument that might turn physical with the hypothetical person - shrug and give up immediately, in both situations so on and so forth. Another hallmark is that they kind of suck at problem-solving and give up if brute-forcing a problem doesn't work. This is not someone who is picking locks unless someone else told them to - they have one solution, it's to make everything into a conflict, and then to win that conflict by beating them or to give up because they think they'll lose.
Tool maker: This person approaches every situation like it's a puzzle, not a fight - up to and including actual fights. Tool-maker characters generally assume that a situation can be solved by just finding the right approach and doing it the clever way. There's the same fundamental question as above - if your character sees a locked box and has no key, would they approach it differently than someone telling them they're not allowed to open the box? 'Typical' tool-maker approaches: - I can trick the person into giving me the key by saying the right things, and I can also pick the lock because fundamentally there are 'right answers' to both of these - If i make friends with this person, they might change their mind, because now we're cooperating. I can still pick the lock because there are 'right answers' there. - The person has a reason for wanting me not to open the box, so I can definitely figure out what that is and solve the reason so then they'll let me open it. I can take whatever it is even if they really want to keep it if I just find the right answer. I'm going to break this box into little pieces because that's the easiest way to get into it but I could probably open it some other way if that wouldn't work.
A note - the center of this bar is someone who generally has different responses to different kinds of situations - like, in the box example, they'd approach the box and the person with two different general attitudes and processes - but generally responds to those situations using the same kind of decision-making process for each category every time. Most people are nowhere near either extreme. Characters tend to be classifiable into weapon-maker and tool-maker because they are fictional and it's easier to define one kind of approach than many. Approximately average approaches: - pick the lock if no one's around, but give up if someone is there because someone telling me not to open the box is a conflict i think i'll lose but a locked box is just a puzzle that i can solve - argue with the person, but give up on the box, because they're approaching the box as a puzzle and they don't think they have the skill to get into it, but the person is someone who can be convinced or bullied into handing over the key
I made this particular dichotomy up, which is why I think I get a lot of questions on it whenever I put it into anything, but I also don't know of any other snappy way to describe this sort of thought or approach variance, and it's genuinely useful for character writing in my opinion.
Pessimist spot-finder: Generally a downer but not necessarily. This kind of character just approaches everything with a close eye for problems, issues, reasons to find fault. If they're miserable, it might be why, but like, they can be a cheerful spot-finder if you want, I just wanted to get at "the glass is half empty" and "the glass is half full" more than anything.
Optimist upside fan: The opposite. "The glass is half full". If there are problems, they can find something about them that's not so frustrating or bad to focus on. Pretty damn good at overlooking minor issues if there's no reason to fixate on them. Not necessarily cheerful.
Abysmal company: could not give less of a damn about treating people the way they 'should' be treated. Maybe they take pride in that. Maybe they just think it's irrelevant. Either way, they know they treat people badly and they don't see any reason to stop. Does not necessarily mean that they treat people badly if they think they're doing the right thing and are wrong. Doesn't mean they're actually pleasant or unpleasant to hang out with, either, unless you really want it to mean that.
Decent to others: treats people well as a matter of course, or at least they sure think they do. Makes an effort. Would probably care and/or consider changing their behavior if someone said they were treating someone poorly. As before - they can be completely un-self-aware and just think they're doing right by people while treating them completely horribly.
Morality is irrelevant: 'abysmal company' for broader approaches to life and problems. Maybe they just know they're myopic and don't think other people's problems matter. Maybe they just gave up on trying to differentiate between 'good' and 'bad' and outsourced it to someone else or stopped paying any attention. Maybe they just like to take morally unjust actions and can't be bothered giving a damn when someone points out that they're morally unjust, or maybe they're proud of it. Kind of a villain trait generally, but not necessarily - it doesn't have to mean they act badly, just that they don't care if they do. Also, this is about how they choose their own actions and view their own behavior. They can think morality is relevant for other people as long as they ignore it when they act themself.
Always in the right: feels morally righteous in every decision they make. Standard superhero type of trait. Doesn't necessarily pass judgement on others, doesn't necessarily act well according to everyone's moral code (see: blue and orange morality), but they are extremely principled and will never deviate from the moral code they personally believe in. And they do genuinely believe in it.
Circumstances terms:
Generally terrible to generally excellent: how subjectively decent is your character's situation, overall? If they think everything is horrible, but the situation is charmed to everyone except them, then it's generally terrible.
Need for changes to passive tolerance: will they do something about it? Do they feel like they have to?
No agency in action to decisions are huge: agency being "how much power do I have to make changes here?", this just asks how much they have. No agency means that, no matter what they do, nothing will happen - they might be locked in a cage or somehow otherwise completely unable to use any sort of power at all, even the power of just leaving. The other end of the spectrum is where every decision the character makes makes a huge difference, not just to themself but to everyone around them as well. They can start wars, they can have anyone they want killed, they can do anything whenever they feel like it. If they think they have no agency even though they do actually have agency, they don't have agency here. If they feel like they have all the agency in the world and can do anything, then they do even if it's not true. It's perceptual again.
Stakes are deadly to mistakes solvable: what are the consequences of failure? Will you die, will you lose status you can't afford to lose, will you lose belongings, will you have to apologize, will nothing happen at all? Mistakes solvable is where they think every mistake is solvable forever - the character pushes someone through a woodchipper and they come out and to fix it, maybe an apology has to occur, but not much else. Does not necessarily mean no one gets hurt or killed as long as the character thinks there are no permanent consequences. This is the most important one on this section to keep subjective because it will greatly influence how your character approaches situations. A character who thinks everything is deadly-stakes may go to cartoonishly-extreme lengths to avoid turning a report in a day late. A character who thinks all mistakes are always solvable may push someone through a woodchipper and then just assume they can say they're sorry and it'll all go away. The setting and their approach do not need to be applicable.
Needs go unmet to attended with care: how do the people around them treat them? Do they pay attention when the character needs something, or do they ignore it? Does the character have to do everything themself around here, or are there people who will help out?
Regarded poorly to regarded well: how do they think other people see them? Are they respected, are they liked, or are they disliked? Do people broadly trust them or are they pretty sure everyone regards them with suspicion?
Nothing changes to changes in seconds: functionally the 'stability' meter of your setting - is the situation generally stable, or are things constantly changing? Does your character feel like every five minutes, there's a new problem that needs dealing with, or do they feel like nothing has ever happened ever?
Growth terms:
Changes in place: do they go somewhere else? Does the physical setting otherwise change (eg; earthquake, war, etc) ? Are there any other reasons that the 'vibe' or 'experience' of the place is different from before?
Change in power: does the character's percieved agency (see: no agency in action to decisions are huge) change? Alternately you can use it if they've gained or lost power in some percieved way (deposed, assigned a commanding position, etc).
Change in bonds: do their relationships with people change? Have they made new friends, lost old friends, changed the nature of their relationships with friends or partners, etc?
Change in beliefs: straightforwardly, have their beliefs, morals, etc, changed?
Change in hurts: have they undergone some horrible experience? Do they have past trauma from some pre-arc horrible experience they're healing from and/or discovering they're more powerfully subject to? Did they experience a physical injury that they're recovering from or which materially changed their life? Did something recent dredge up old issues? So on and so forth.
Change in hopes: Do their desires for the future look the way they used to? Do they care about different things now? This is something the character is not actively working for, but may be tied to actual goals.
Change in fears: are they overcoming fears? Growing past them? Gaining new ones? Are they scared of shit different from how they used to be?
Change in goals: Not the same as a hope because it needs to have a specific, achievable outcome the character is actively working toward. Do those material goals look different? Perhaps they no longer want to work against something, maybe they didn't have any goals and now they do. Or maybe they've realized the goal is impossible, or something has happened to make that goal unachieveable. Whatever it is, if there's a change, it's a change.
Change in self-awareness: their beliefs about who they are and what they're like, and what their circumstances are. Have they gotten more self-aware, have they gotten less self-aware, or has nothing changed?
Change in relationships: their relationships' overall health and resilience, as far as the character is concerned - which doesn't mean they're necessarily good, just that the character thinks they're how they're supposed to be. Have they improved? Have they gotten worse? Have they not changed?
Change in knowledge: do they feel like they know more about the world, their place in it, the people around them, etc? Not necessarily how to do things - just general information and awareness.
Change in social standing: how does others' regard for the character change over this part of their arc? Do people like them more or less? Are they respected more or less than before? Has nothing changed? And so on.
Change in skills and abilities: do they feel more skilled than they were before? Do they feel like they know how to do as many things as before? Again - not necessarily rooted in reality - a classic example of a character being wrong about this is a 'big fish in a small pond' character who used to be the high school sports star going to college on a sports scholarship and discovering they're not the best any more, and suddenly feeling like they're the worst - when they're better than they've ever been in an objective light. Use a subjective viewpoint for this.
Change in agency in life: how does the character's percieved agency change? Do their decisions matter less now than ever? Do their actions make way more happen than before? (See: no agency in action vs decisions are huge)
Change in outlook: Here's the upper/downer part. Are they more or less hopeful for the future? Do they think things are more terrible now? Are things improving as far as they're concerned? Or has that not changed?
Change in goal progress: how do they feel like they're progressing on the goals they've set for themself? Are they getting further and further away? Are they getting closer?
If some of this doesn't make sense and you want a clarification, you will have to tag me to get my attention, because I'm turning notifications for this post off the minute it leaves my immediate social circle.
Transparent version: (sorry you had to scroll so far)
#thank GOD we can just turn notifications off now so i wont have to delete this post#red rambles#also. if you want to follow me for this because someone reblogged it. Don't i make like one of these every [checks notes] 2 years#typically i just reblog a lot of nonsense and you will not enjoy it probably#im writing this like i expect it to take off because i do . Because i'm scared#character sheet#red makes memes#<- because those are the tags i used on the last ones#i dont really think this quite qualifies#oc reference#what fucking tags are there for this sort of thing lmao#ttrpg sheet#ttrpg tools#i know people want this for ttrpgs. if everyone used the other thing for ttrpgs.#oc tools#i was gonna make a fillable version but i gave up. someone made a cool one of the ancient blorbo sheet but tbh i have no idea what the fuck#they're doing with js modules (<- everyone point and laugh i dont know javascript LMAO) and i dont feel like figuring it out#hey guys its midnight im out of post jail. image upon ye#ALSO you CAN put your sheet on the post i dont like. Care#like i said a zillion times. I will be turning notifications off if too many people say things#but until i get really sick of everyone filling things out the same way im curious#you understand.
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finding out from two different voice lines from two different cards that jamil practices dance moves that he finds is two too many for me not to go 🤨🤨🤨
here are the voice lines in question -
Luxe Couture:
Club Wear:
(thank you to mysteryshoptls for the translations!)
#the luxe couture line is so funny#jamil HAD to point out that it was “when he was a kid”#like he's embarrassed that he'd copy musical dance numbers#as if he's still not doing the same thing (in the clubwear line)#and THEN he’s like “hey prefect i saw this thing i’ve been practicing”#AND VERBATIM “....wont you watch me try it out?” 🥺👉👈#WHY IS JAMIL LIKE THIS#I’M SCREAMING#it's like a child going to someone they look up to / care about and go “hey look what i can do!”#anyways yes sir i'll watch you dance your silly lil dance????#jamil what a silly guy#i love him ur honor#hes so cute#[—✦-#-✧ my art#-✧ comic#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#twst jp#twst jp spoilers#jamil viper#twst yuu#-✦—]
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Caughtcha, gotcha, not letting go ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#Kabu#Larry#The Stanley Parable#Stanley#Silly little leftovers between bigger ideas - it's interesting how most of my ideas for them are comic-style :0#Interaction scripts moreso than just Cute Lads as is my wont haha - though they are also cute#Practice doodles to keep sharp!#And hey they both get their own singular focus and two together! Doubly double nice haha#I think about ''Would you still love me if I was a worm'' perhaps an inordinate amount.... I genuinely really like it haha#Yes it's silly but I'm very moved by it all the same! That one post of love and care really really spoke to me#Of keeping someone you love safe and protected and fed and healthy ''even if'' they had nothing could provide in return#Very similar to the Came Back Wrong post - I love you because You Are not because of what you can Do For Me#Very sappy! Of course I like it! I will turn it silly though hehe I love both!#And also the pun of Wurmple hehehe ♪ To think I almost went with Caterpie or Kakuna! My Gen1 love is too strong smh#Poor Larry haha Kabu quick to reassure! Loves you! ♥#Some Stanley!! I have a few more Guys Who Are Dudes in the barrel to meet up with Larry at some point haha#Stanley had to be first tho - I tagged a meme with Larry as being Stanleycore! Normal but Weird about it#Stanley is Not normal for the record lol but he Is an Office Man so he counts#Hey Stanley why don't you wear a tie to work huh#Floof lads <3 Obviously! Kabu's much easier to draw floofed out lol but that's just 'cause floof is fun and easy to draw#Larry is actually much harder to draw floofed lol - how do his grey streaks fall! Absolute mayhem! Cute nonetheless haha#And ending out with huggles and snuggles and cuddles <3 That pose is much much fun to draw :D#Surrounded but not trapped! Larry's legs pressing in on Kabu's but not forcing him closed and Kabu's hands on Larry's#Hold him there hold him there both sides all the ways around#Larry's really leaned down onto his shoulder if their heads are at matching heights haha#I'm quite pleased ♪ Their faces turned out cute and the pose turned out nice :) S'pretty! :D
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Director: So my interpretation here of the relationship is that Bea and Benedick - oh hey that’s so funny your name is Ben ha ha anyway - totally slept together at one point and Benedick treated it as casual and wouldn’t commit and that’s why they’re like that at each other.
Winter: *stuck on the images THAT immediately gives him*
Jones, face in hands: Could we maybe give my character a backstory that WON’T remind half the county of the times I forced them to dump me because I was too focused on my job?
#NOBODY FUCKING LOOK AT ME OKAY#I just got a sudden flash of That Moment at the end of the play and Jones saying That Benedick Line#and I think something in my brain exploded#the premise BTW is that Sarah convinced Winter to audition since they have few men#and he was actually cast which freaks him out he's never had a lead before#and so Jones steps in to help him learn his lines#but of course cast members get murdered#so the director stumbles upon them rehearsing and is like oh hey Ben what are you up to at say#7-10pm two times a week#and then 6pm-11pm Thursday through Saturday evenings#plus a Sunday matinee?#Winter: hey uh you do realize we're both guys right#Director *sensing a golden publicity opportunity*: I mean they were all guys when Shakespeare did it#also didn't you do drag?#Jones about to pass out from all his blood rushing south: you did WHAT#yes there will be practice kissing and comedic misunderstandings#it's SHAKESPEARE after all!#Jones is frantically calling Cully for help#'I SAVED YOUR GODDAMN WEDDING. YOU OWE ME.'
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reeeaaally really empathizing hard w/ rots anakin right now. like. oh yeah ok i get it. he's been sleep-deprived & running w/ a high level of stress hormones nonstop for months. he keeps asking for advice and help and the jedi just say "what does yr heart tell you?" and "try not worrying about it. 🧘♂️" and the only person who actually seems to care about him is.... evil? but. that can't be right... what?
but there's no time to think about it because he did what he were supposed to do and told the jedi and now events are moving very fast and oops he got in the way and did something very impulsive and now mace windu is dead and it's anakin's fault, actually. and he still hasn't processed anything that's happened in the last... week? two months? ever in his life? but his friend palpatine is there and telling him that it's okay. that he did the right thing, that he did good. and guess what anakin? you don't have to worry about making any more hard decisions, because palpatine is gonna make them for you and you just have to do them. isn't that better? isn't that easier? isn't it?
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#uh the empathizing part is that i am feeling Real lost and confused and scared rn. p rock bottom.#and i'm like. ohhh if my mentor/father figure/the only person who treats me like an actual person came up to me and was like#hey matty. i am gonna take care you from now on. i am gonna take care of *everything.*#i would absolutely be like. yes please. god. finally. what do you need me to do in exchange? i'll do it#and i haven't even been living in a cult of warrior-monks while fighting a seemingly futile war after growing up a slave.#the guy is... pretty primed for it is what i'm saying. inured to violence; accustomed to living in high-control environments#not to mention the decade of grooming palpatine has been doing offscreen#D:#i've also been watching star trek & any time there's an episore that's like...#would you rather live in that fake but peaceful+joyful world? or this real and violent+tragic world?#and it's like. hey man. at this point in my life i would take the good fake world p much without hesitation.#star wars
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Cool so I get to start training in a forge and welding and steam engine maintenance and fitting on weekends
#it’s.#okay.#it’s still Setting In but. I personally wanna ask the guy why#like ‘hey you SAW my list of medical conditions right? you know about the heart disease and seizures and physical mobility issues RIGHT?#I mean hell yes. I can’t wait bc i can work up to working on ships. people who have historical engineering skills are needed Bad on ships#at least the ones I wanna sail (tall ships my beloveds)#but I do love trains too. a lot. I like knowing How Things Make Other Things Do The Thing. it pleases me#ships and sailing always my first love#but the choo choo…#I got the email today from the manager and I’m way the hell out of town atm BUT!!#hey if I can survive America heat I can survive a welding shop. I think. we’ll see how long I last#tbh I think they said yeah bc they’re so desperate for volunteers and people willing to learn on the job#(it’s basically an internship tbh. unpaid apprenticeship)#so he looked at my medical issues and went ‘well if you die or get maimed. well. we’ll see what happens. you have two hands so that’s good’#no but honestly I am very very VERY excited#it’ll only be one MAYBE two weekends each month and they do have rooms on site for staff and volunteers who travel#(I doubt I’ll need them I know a guy 20 minutes away from the place who’ll let me crash)#so it’s not strenuous or biting into my already busy week#(being on a committee is fun….. *sobs in someone forgot to take minutes at last meeting*#anyways#this story is still developing#FINGERS CROSSED everything goes smoothly#even if I just did a Saturday….#I can work on ships………..#I COULD POSSIBLY GAIN ENOUGH EXPERIENCE TO JUSTIFY VOLUNTEERING ON A SHIP#AAAAH#(I do love a forge though… I can’t WAIT to try blacksmithing… even as an assistant/trainee/‘adaptable helper’)#yes I’m absolutely using ‘adaptable helper’ in this instance because. lol.#OKAY BUT IM SO EXCITED AND SO NERVOUS I REALLY WANT THIS TO GO THROUGH#soon as im back in the country im gonna try and nail down some dates
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one!
oh. oh.

#don’t think i’ve read this kim addonizio poem and it just blindsided me like a truck thank you so much#i. oh god. like yeah.#pour me shitfaced into your car i feel like you own a comforter extremely dysfunctional only in surface details like which person was the#black hole and the distant spark in space that might’ve been a star there’s something too with unrelenting mist / many-headed mist / missed#who knew mis(t)/sed had undone so many. while you keep an eye on the burner here’s hoping this flame doesn’t go out#the flame as in the spark as in don’t let me have pinned my hopes on you to watch it burn out again but also me. like please let me not go#and i think there’s something there too with the repetitive ‘i have just met you’ and i already love you that reminds me both of a story#colman domingo told abt meeting his partner i cry everytime i hear it right when he says ‘i think i love u &you’re about to change my life’#and i KNOW there’s another poem. and i feel like it maybe has a dog and it talks about how they don’t even know you but they love you#OH IT’S ALSO. OH MY GOD THAT’S IT. i mean not exactly so maybe i have read this before & it’s what has been haunting me for so long but#the opening line to tim seibles naïve is ‘i love you but i don’t know you’ - mennonite woman#the odds of that dog poem being a carl phillips poem is non-zero btw. his poems about dogs make me see shrimp colors (bertuzzi thesis)#ANYWAY. agreed. this is incredibly hockey and incredibly hurtful because they DO bond like this in 0.0001 seconds because if you can’t#you’re fucked. you have to just find somebody and fall in love with them and it’s the salmon and the triple cream brie like they got taken#out to some fancy meet the donors team night in their suits and one of them is dealing with a heartbreak and a trade and are the things#they think true or are they just missing what the used to have. jamie who used to empty and refill the ice tray YES sorry i have been a#little bit thinking that about the trevor dealing so poorly with the breakup and i wish i had another narrative (which i do) but it fits#trade deadline tragedy#and also the formation of a codependent rookies like. two guys that get drafted and brought up together and suddenly they’re doing#everything together and it’s your first time in the big show and none of your old college friends understand because they’re not there#and you can’t get it. like you think you know but they can’t understand and the loneliness and it IS guys taking care of each other#(alexa play harriet by hey rosetta! but specifically the bridge) and it’s just. i just!!! trying to fill up the missing pieces of your life#like i cannot convey WHOMST i am trying to pin this narrative to this is going to rotate for a long while i think#because it’s not a wild i fell in love with you at first sight it’s a you were kind to me when i was broken. and i love you for that.#like who is FALLING APART &happens to fall into someone else’s arms. purely for the partygirl aspect the devil (old hrpf) says ‘13 bennguin#who among us hasn’t fallen mildly briefly brilliantly in love with a stranger and imagined a future where you get everything you want#sometimes we love people for who they are and sometimes we love them for what we’re not and sometimes for who we think they’ll be#this was a very long way to say thank you for sharing <3 i will also be making this about my hockey guys <3#OH MY GOD IT’S DPAIRS. WHO’S BEEN THROUGH SEVERAL DPAIRS#nonny <3
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nothing is funnier to me than opening one of neil newbon's old streams to see how he interacted with the characters and then seeing someone in the chat go "I don't like Gale--he's a walking red flag"
girl you are there in that discord server or whatever because you like Astarion. your fingers should NOT be on your keyboard when it comes time to talk about red flags 😂
#GALES QUITE FUCKED UP BUT RED FLAG HE IS NOT#ASTARION ON THE OTHER HAND--#(btw this isnt astarion hate he just LITERALLY manipulates you from the START and will openly ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YO#FOR MANIPULATIVE PURPOSES)#(gale on the other hand is like :( im sad about my ex. OH you want sex? uhhh thats very nice but maybe not now--#oh wait YES now i suppose because i'm going to blow myself up to save the world. yes it can be in 4 dimensions. OH hey i didnt blow up.#wanna have kinky space sex again after i defy my goddess for you xoxo)#(his streak of pettiness is maaaaybe quite unhealthy at that point but red flag idk. hes literally not doing anything manipulative or abusi#just kinda. something that you look at the guy and go. really. really gale. are you so for real right now.)#anyway this has been my 'what in fucks name' laughing 'rant'#bc genuinely sdkljflkdfj thats the most ironic shit ive ever come across#gale of waterdeep#astarion#baldur's gate 3
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I really need to sit down and draw perhaps the funniest, but potentially most dangerous move I ever did in d&d and it was back in my first game-
#the party didn't trust this noble or king or something to actually pay us for the job we got hired for#and I hadn't been rping much because New and Scared and Nervous#but I was playing a rogue! I had really high dex so my stealth and pickpocket were pretty good#so I very quietly raised my hand and my little elf went “if you guys promise to help me if it goes wrong... I could just steal it”#and EVERYONE went “nooo no way you'll def fail and get killed or jailed and it'll fuck us out of the job entirely”#and I took that personally you see#and the paladin.... was the one who really put his foot down#so I.... waited for everyone to file out of the house to go home... and turned to the DM and was like#hey... you can tell me no and I'll let it go and drive home BUT#can I roll to pickpocket the paladin's sword off him and then see if the player noticed it gone from his inventory?#just to prove a point#and my dm god bless her let me!! and rolled for the pally's perception to see if I got caught instantly#and wouldn't you know it... I pulled it off clean as fuck#so next session rolls around and we spent like 30 minutes with me sweating like I'm high at a job interview with the cops#before the DM was like okay gang roll for initiative and I almost physically stood up to be like HEY REAL QUICK#SIR PALADINSON YOUR SWORD DON'T ASK WHY I HAVE IT RIGHT NOW WE GOTTA FIGHT#so I almost locked our front liner in combat without his sword out of spite LMAO#IN MY DEFENSE I was a rogue and was on such good behavior and hadn't done anything illegal until that point#also yes that really was the paladin's name we were all new to dnd and hadn't clocked what vibes we wanted at the start#Candra has really gone places since this but that spite... that is core to her lmao
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girl help theyre recognizing me in youtube comments LMAO
#two of you now from the saw fandom found me like “hey you draw saw” sjkfhgnmbnmgh yes i do#what can i say i love commenting on stuff#jennilargh#also can i just say having ur comment on youtube blow up is like. the worst#not bc of you guys but youtube commenters just love being contrarians and they have to let YOU know rather than make their own comment#and u cant mute notifs on 1 comment u can only delete it if it gets too annoying
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first female loz director and the gerudo seem to be written fine enough? wow... there ain't no way I thought we were in the worst timeline after totk
Yeah got through the main quest with the gerudo, it wasn't painful! It wasn't even bad! Still got them outfits but for the most part it was like oh cool!
I would say a lot of that oh cool is from the fact they didn't do a lot to even fuck it up to begin with, I'm gonna be real with yall this game is NOT worth $60USD
Edit: lemme say one thing, you know when people were being like damn totk story wasn't dark or mature at all why was this compared to Majora's mask again? And then all the zeldatwt people came out and said zelda is just a kid series domt expect good writing uH
This one feels like a kid's game. That ain't to say it's terrible I would say, hell I'm not far in it if I get something crazy that's like OH FUCK I'll reblog this post and say something but uh.....game for babies I'm gonna be shocked if anyone struggles with any puzzles cuz you CAN CHEESE THEM EASY ITS 🫢🤭
EDIT EDIT: I SWEAR IM NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE A DOWNER..... @ezlo-x HAS BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN PLAYING....THEY KNOW I HAVENT BEEN A PARTY POOPER.....
#its......seems quick#the sidequests are very boring tbh#like this game should of been 45-50 max not 60#its cute i like it so far but oh my god the optimization and game design could of been way better#and after botw/totk like....how do i put this#its like nintendo heard hey we need a LITTLE bit of rail roading and then#😬#basically...example#for a main quest i have to go to 2 places to get people#i went to the 2nd place first and it......didnt update the side quest even though she should of gone to the meeting place#thTs apart of the quest but no i had to go to the 1st guy no matter what#and its like.....hey botw not totk would do that#most GAMES in general now wouldnt do something like that#also yall gonna hate the fact there is no organization or favorites tool for the echoes#game is fun so far but uH#i got through the first dungeon FAST FAST like this is not a return to form#minish cap dungeons i dont think were that fast and theyre simple#also anyone that says this dorsnt have mechanics from the wilds games yes it does#tri has an ability thats JUST ultra hand#oh and its not good in this game#yall gonna fucking hate it#unless somehow a pirated version doesnt allow you to rotate the fucking item or move it in a way that goes behind me#without me locking off and then back on again after repostioning myself#im worried its a feature and not an anti piracy measure#me and GC are gonna finish this up this week but dang i havent even done the whole first part of the main quest#if i had this on the switch i could see how fast i could play through the game WHILE talking to people and having fun and exploring#also oh my god the zora side quest very cute but when eveeyone knows how the game goes ill make one complaint in the tags one day#funny thing its not story....ITS GAMEPLAY#yhe story in the game is fine and i say that cuz its....very simple#HELL A LOT OF NPCS DONT GOT NAMES THAT ARE VISIBLE
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Most of the time you can’t really tell that I have a 10 year age difference with the two mutuals/friends I talk with the most, but then @rokurookajima will randomly do something like, idk, post her art from *2013* that DOESN’T look like an elementary schooler’s scribbles and suddenly the gap is very very obvious lmao
For reference, in 2013 I was 6 going on 7 and my artistic capabilities were limited to poorly drawn ponies and cotton-candy-coloured stick humans because I thought the first Equestria Girls movie was an unmatched cinematic masterpiece :P
#for the record. I mean this in the most lighthearted way possible#it’s just very funny to me how cognitively there’s very little difference now#apart from the fact you guys earn your own living and higher education is way behind you#but dial back 10 years and you get two high school seniors* and a second grader#*I’m too lazy to do the actual math/remember what age which school year corresponds with#so just go with it. okay? it’s 5 a.m leave me alone#BUT ALSO. I’m 90% sure summer 2013 was when I watched AtLA for the first time#so at least I match you guys in that regard#Syd was losing their mind over Waava. I was turning up my nose whenever an LoK ad came on tv#yeah baby Nia watched one (1) episode of Korra and DID NOT like it#it took me another 5 to atone for my sins#tbh baby Nia was onto something. thank god I have the artistic ability to fix all that now#ah yes. the good old days when we had nickelodeon on tv….#anyway I’m starting to ramble now I should go to bed#hey Syd hope this gets a laugh out of you at least :’)#I promise I’m trying to be funny#also. I have pictures from that time if you wanna see the aforementioned baby Nia. just saying 🤭
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yknow sometimes i have to stop and wonder how many fanartists we've unintentionally given heart attacks because of how our tagging system works
#apollo's tag#'tumblr is the one site where ccs wont go to look themselves up mainly because they dont know it exists'#<- is true. However there is something that many people fail to consider#which is the fact that systems may have introjects that got curious about what people were saying and making about them#so its just like#'hey guys! please don't be alarmed! yes technically the character you are posting about is looking at what you're posting of them!#but do not worry they approve of it. you're doing a great job btw. sorry'#i feel like im showing celebrities around my hometown and theyre enthusiastically complimenting everyone on their outfits in public dkshfbh
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every day I wake up and I think about How to write a certain A Clustered Garage sequence and I scream into my pillow
#alcettotalk#a clustered garage talk#LOOP YOU WILL GET A HAPPY ENDING BUT YOU'RE SO MENTALLY ILL#guys. oh my god.#don't know when That chapter will come out but there's a lot of That chapters#so far actually it's like three#and Yes they're all Sloopis#oh my god loop i love youuu#I know what it feels like to be a rocket going to space#i have to poop so bad too but i gotta Write this down first#hey so. wrote the start of it to know the vibe#and like#i'm shaking#BROOOOOO#tucks hair behind ear#damn maybe i Am a writer...#sobbing crying throwing up
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