#hey guys did you miss these?
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Mini-Review: Summer Time Rendering
To attend the funeral of his best friend and part of the family that took him in after his parents died, Shinpei returns to his small island home for the first time in two years. Hearing whispers that her body showed bruises around her neck inconsistent with the story of a tragic drowning while rescuing a child in the ocean, Shinpei becomes suspicious. There may be something brewing under the surface of this warm summer...
This is the perfect show as the northern hemisphere heads into summer: atmospheric, intriguing, balancing action and mystery.
STR first piqued my interested when I saw it referred to repeatedly as a show that didn't get the attention it deserved (a reviewer for Anime News Network referred to it as "among the best anime of 2022") due to being locked in "the Disney+ jail."
And having watched it, I agree: if this had been on a bigger anime-watching platform and released (in the US, at least) close to when it came out in Japan, it absolutely would've made a bigger splash. For some inscrutable reason, Disney got the rights but didn't release this in the US until months after it finished its run in Japan, without fanfare as a Hulu exclusive.
The upside to this is that you can more easily go in blind, and this is a show that benefits from knowing as little as possible ahead of time. Watching it weekly would've been an experience, but it lends itself to bingeing, as each episode advances the story--and mystery--even more, leaving the viewer hooked and hungry for answers.
That does, of course, make it difficult to talk about specific things I liked! The mystery is suspenseful, but it keeps up a good pace, balancing revealing more of what's going on with introducing even more questions. There wasn't a single episode where I got frustrated because it felt like the show was just playing up the tension; you're right there with Shinpei piecing things together, even if the thing is just "I can affect this even if I don't know what the outcome is."
Shinpei is a good main character, intelligent but not overbearing, and balanced with a cast that can variously match or surpass him in strength, intelligence, and relevant skills; if it weren't for the Plot Reason he's the protagonist, this would have just as well worked as an equal-ensemble show. Even Ushio, whose death was the catalyst for Shinpei's return, plays an active role in the story, helping prevent this from just being about a boy doing stuff in sad service to the memory of a dead girl.
As Shinpei uncovers more information about what happened, and through judicious use of flashbacks, Ushio's character develops, and she is a great character. In a show where scenes are sometimes sorting through the equivalent of two simultaneous chess games, it's nice to have at least one character who, while not stupid, uses her scenes to be refreshingly straightforward.
Verdict
English dub? Yes!
Visuals: Very nice! The story takes place equally during the day and after dark, as well as in a variety of locations, and it does a good job setting the stage, as well as balancing darkness and the need for the viewers to actually see things.
Worth watching? Absolutely. It's 25 episodes and uses all of them, neither feeling like it's dragging things out nor moving too fast. And despite its length, you don't have to wait until the final episodes to get any answers--Shinpei starts working things out quickly, and so the viewer does too. It's a solid suspenseful action show, and it was quickly obvious to me why I'd seen so many people say Disney did it dirty with its bizarre release.
Where to watch (USA, May 2024): Hulu (sub and dub)
Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!
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🌠 You are the Best 🌠
#Fnaf#fnaf art#five nights at freddy's#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf ruin#roxanne wolf#fnaf roxanne#fnaf cassie#security breach ruin#fnaf fanart#Hey guys did you miss the fan art 😈#Anyway#Roxy my beloved#ruin spoilers
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"Oh, but you have to dance with Rozenmarine at least!"
#little goody two shoes#elise lgts#rozenmarine#lgts#hey guys did you miss the gay witches dancing content?#fanart
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the ancient hero armor set in TotK is like "so yeah the Hero from the first Calamity was actually not Hylian. he wasn't Zonai either. he was a secret third thing that has no name and the only other example can be found in weird statues in the Depths. HOWEVER he does wear Zonai clothes! but also Hylian body paint. no we will not elaborate further nor ever xoxo <3" insane absolutely INSANE
#did the first depths quest which made me go look at the statues again which made me go HEY. HEY WAIT. YOU GUYS LOOK FAMILIAR.#which sent me down the rabbit hole of trying to decipher the design. it has now been 48 hours i have redrawn it a whole lot of times and#added a zonai/hylian zelda to match. i've missed this sm#next up: trying to figure out architectural style development of post-zonai hyrule in relation to the great plateau#p sure the fabled hylian stonemasons just carved over fabled zonai era hylian stonemasons which is great#i don't remember what exactly that one area beneath the castle said abt rauru and the building. i think i will have to go to my old#save file to check it out. all to try and place when the first calamity happened <3#totk liveblog#loz liveblog
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#persona 4#p4#persona 4 dancing all night#p4d#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#souyo#lmao i WISH i could make this up but even this shortened scene was exactly that#naoto and rise show up during the summer and yosuke's first comment to them isnt even hi its hey wheres yu#YOSUKE LISTEN BUDDY YOU ARE SO HEAD OVER THE HEELS LOVESTRUCK ALL YOUR EYES SEE IS YU#and thats so cute actually#also wait im sorry but i just realised yu is wearing a v neck tee in the summer scenes#as in yosuke's iconic tee shirt?? IS HE WEARING YOSUKE'S SHIRT?? DID HE TAKE ONE OF YOSUKE'S SHIRTS WITH HIM WHEN HE WENT BACK HOME???#GUYS IM GOING INSANE#something something haha they look like theyre in couple's clothing except im not even sure its a joke#the sameish tone of pale pink and baby blue the vertical vs horizontal stripes like omfg i swear#i cant make this shit up yall im either so far down the delulu hole or#i actually opened up this game to grab another screen shot but i got distracted by this extra chapter that ive missed#also yosuke's hair here is cropped shorter than usual and he looks so cute and his neck looks so bare without the headphones wait yosuke#are you showing off your neck to someone somehow-#/is shot#wait this is ALSO one of those few times we get to see yu's neck so prominently hes always wearing high collars otherwise#the lgtv alarms are going off
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Joe on Ja'Marr buying him a grill and "giving him" a spot on his top 5 most fashionable NFL guys list
#'i'll put ja'marr on that list. i'll give him that'#ok joe ok#still the first guy that pops into your head but hey 🙂🙂#ALSO this is infuriating me#the interviewer says 'you mentioned ja'marr and justin'#i scroll up in the interview in case i somehow missed that#NO WHERE TO BE FOUND#then it says at the top that the interview has been edited for clarity#WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT JUSTIN AND JA'MARR????? YOU CUT IT??? HOW DARE YOU????????#at least we got this though#i hope he still has that grill <3#joe burrow#ja'marr chase#also hell yeah chido and vonn mention#i think every teammate has said they're the most fashionable at this point#(i just doubled check to see if i was going crazy and they spelled vonn's name wrong 😢)
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Trapper!Raph >:)
CWs: violence, blood, bear trap injury, talk of death, including a known cycle of repeated deaths over time, gruesome, gory, and creepy things, feelings/thoughts of hopelessness and being resigned to death/pain, uhhhhhhhh horror vibes?? Based on the Trapper character and entire premise of Dead by Daylight
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The mists are thick tonight. Thicker than usual. You can barely see fifteen feet ahead of you, and the darkness beyond seems almost tangible. Like some great cage in all directions. Even if you were to scale the impossibly high walls surrounding the estate, you feel like you would still slam into solid black if you ran far enough. Sometimes it feels as if the darkness itself is what's keeping you here, in this insane loop of death and suffering and fear. Maybe the darkness is just as alive as you are. A sentient, ancient being that feeds off of your anguish and terror.
A silly thought, maybe. But part of you believes it's the truth.
It's so quiet here. Unnaturally so. Your shallow breaths and light footfalls feel like blaring alarms in the eerie silence. You know you need to watch where you step - always, always watch where you step - but you can't help glancing around every few seconds at the trees surrounding you. You can't shake the feeling that he's nearby, watching. Like he can see through this oppressive fog somehow and he's just waiting for you to lower your guard before he makes his move.
Focus. Listen.
You hear a generator. Somewhere to your right, you think, and it sounds like it's well on its way to being finished. So close to being done, actually, that you hesitate. You can't hear anyone working on it right now. Surely there's a reason that whoever started it didn't finish if it's that close. Maybe he found them and he's chasing them away.
Or maybe it's a trap. That's his whole thing, after all. Traps.
…But the generator sounds so close to being done. And you only need two more to escape this wretched place - at least until the darkness drags you back in.
Breathe. Focus. Keep going.
You didn't think you could get more tense than you already are, but apparently you can. The fear is a constant, choking thing, but it's especially strong now that the trees are starting to thin. So strong that you're sick from it, that you can barely breathe through it, but you keep walking. Carefully stepping among the gnarled tree roots, one eye on the ground and the other on your surroundings. It's just trees and mist and darkness in every direction. Everything looks the same, like you're walking in circles, but the sound of the generator is getting louder, so you know you're going in the right direction.
A shout in the distance has you gasping and stumbling over your own feet. It's not close, but it's not far enough away for you to feel safe, either. You push away the tightness in your lungs and keep walking, even as a longer scream tears through the air.
He's caught the last of the others, then.
You consider going to save the person. No doubt they're being carried to a hook. You're not sure why, but usually that's what happens when you're caught. You've been thrown onto one plenty of times before. The pain is indescribable - having a rusted, metal hook shoved through your shoulder, your own weight dragging you down as you hang there and pray to a god you no longer believe in that one of the others will be brave enough to pull you off before you're consumed by those terrifying tendrils that come from the sky.
Your chest aches just thinking about it.
A third scream sounds, and you get that distinct feeling you always get when someone is hooked that confirms your theory. Maybe… maybe you should-
There. The generator. You were right; it's almost finished. The pistons are moving quickly, the rickety thing so loud that it sounds cacophonous in your ears. Shouldn't take more than a minute to get it done, and then you only need one more to power the exit doors before you're free.
You'll finish the generator. Then you'll go save that person. Yes, that's what you'll do.
You glance behind you, looking for a hint of that terrifying mask he wears somewhere among the trees. You're being paranoid - that scream was too far away for him to suddenly be close enough that you could see him - but you keep scanning the treeline anyway. You notice a hook nearby and feel a phantom pain in your shoulder.
Come on, focus. Keep walking. You're almost to the gen-
Something snaps. Sharp, intense pain flares in your lower calf, and you try not to make a sound, you try, but a jagged shriek rips out of your throat anyway. You fall to your hands and knees, your heart in your throat. Thoughts splintering, your fingers reach toward the source of the pain and find metal.
You've stepped in a bear trap.
Stupid. Stupid. Always watch where you're stepping when it's him, you know that, that's the number one rule and you've broken it. Stupid from fear, getting ahead of yourself, you've stepped right into one of his traps - and he definitely heard you. He always does.
You try to shift your weight so that you can get a good grip on the top of the trap, but even moving an inch has you crying out and freezing in place. For a long moment you can only shake and whimper and try to breathe. Every twitch sends shooting pains through your leg, waves of nausea and dizziness making it hard to focus on anything aside from the pain.
Still, you've got to at least try to get free. He's almost certainly on his way. You need to get free and run - but fuck, fuck, you can't even see straight. You don't think you'll ever get used to how much it fucking hurts. The surreal, lightheaded feeling. The way your very bones seem to tremble. It hurts. It hurts.
It'll hurt no matter what, you tell yourself. And it'll hurt more if he gets his hands on you. So you shift, inch by inch, and you grip the top of the trap, and you try to focus past the sparks dancing in your vision.
The teeth of the trap have embedded themselves deep into the flesh on each side of your lower calf. Blood gushes between the teeth, soaking the fabric of your torn pants and making both the metal and your fingers slippery.
Fuck.
You take a shuddering breath and try to adjust your grip. You just have to pry the trap open. You've done it before, and you can do it again. It's simple. Simple, but not easy.
You can do this. Focus. Deep breath. Pull.
The teeth start to pull away, and more blood gushes out. Your ears ring, an intense dizziness making your vision blur even more, your arms shaking from the effort, and - you lose your grip. The teeth hadn't even fully retracted from your skin, but you can't help letting out a choking sob as the trap snaps back into place. Fuck, it hurts. Your chest heaves, your whole body trembling as you moan pitifully through the pain.
You can't do it. You can't get out. Too weak, too tired, too stupid. You're trapped, you're trapped, you're trapped-
And then. You feel it. That unnatural, inexplicable something that tells you he's close. A sound, a feeling, like your own thundering heartbeat, but so much more. You look around, frantically searching for that telltale red light that accompanies him everywhere, wiping desperately at the tears blurring your vision, probably smearing blood across your face in the process. It doesn't help you see any better - only makes the smell of copper that much stronger in your nose. Movement from the corner of your eye catches your attention, and helpless dread settles in your stomach like a stone.
It's him. The Trapper.
You take in the hulking figure. The slow, lumbering gait. Just his silhouette is enough to make you freeze like- well. Like prey, caught in a trap. Normally you'd be scrambling to pry the trap off, desperately trying to get away, but… not this time. Maybe it's the blood loss. Or maybe you're just tired of fighting a pointless battle in an endless war that's impossible to win. Either way, instead of trying to free yourself, you watch him stalk closer in a daze.
The monsters in this place are all unique. Some look just like humans, while others are so horrific it makes you nauseous just thinking about them. The Trapper, though… he's something in between. An enormous humanoid… turtle? You think so, yeah. With spikes jutting out along his arms, his shell, his long, thick tail. He wears a filthy pair of overalls, frayed at the edges and covered in dirt and viscera. His spikes have poked through them in several places, as well. His mask, a horrific, grimy thing that was once white, covers all of his face except for the eye holes and the opening over his mouth that's twisted into the shape of a grotesque smile. The cleaver he carries is almost the size of your entire torso, and you can see blood still dripping sluggishly from the blade.
He's getting closer. Slow and steady, as always. You've never seen him run - and isn't that strange? That you can sprint for half an hour without stopping, and somehow he manages to keep up with you the entire time? That's odd. Then again, everything about this hell is odd. You can't remember the last time you ate or drank anything, yet you feel no hunger or thirst. You've died countless times, yet here you are.
You're not sure why these are the thoughts fumbling around in your head. You're not sure why you're still just watching him advance. Is this what it feels like? To finally give up?
The Trapper is almost upon you. Your heart throws itself wildly against your ribcage, begging you to run. Silly thing. Doesn't it know that there's no point? You'll die, and then you'll be back, and you'll die again. What's the point in even trying? This is what your life, if you can even call it that, is going to be like for eternity. Pain and fear and death. Over and over and over.
Still, it screams. Run. Run away.
You keep watching him. The way the mist swirls around him is almost pretty, especially with the red glow that emanates from him, staining the ground in front of him a deep crimson. When he gets close enough for that red light to wash over you, you wonder if your heart might actually leap from your chest and run away without you since you refuse to listen.
He's so close you can feel the heat radiating off of his body. So close that you have to angle your head back to keep your eyes on his mask. His arm raises, and this is the part where you should look away. Or shield yourself, or beg for mercy, or- something. But nothing has ever made a difference in the past. Why bother? He'll strike you down and toss you over his shoulder and carry you to that hook you saw nearby. That's just the way it is, now that you're caught, and anything you do now will just be delaying the inevitable.
So you watch. And you wait for the strike.
…The strike doesn't come.
He's just… standing there. Looming over you. His hand still holding that great cleaver in the air. Now that you're paying attention, you can hear his heavy breaths - unsteady, with the hint of a growl in each one - starting to come a little faster.
That's… new.
You stare up at him. He stares down at you. After what feels like an eternity, the cleaver lowers, and he- he drops it.
What?
Never. Never. Not once in the entire time you've been trapped in this hell has a monster dropped their weapon. Even when stunned, or blinded, or while watching the last survivor sprint through the exit doors - they've always kept a firm grip on their weapon. You wouldn't have been surprised if the weapons were somehow bound to their hands, in fact.
And yet.
He moves, slow and steady, to settle on one knee. Even kneeling, he towers over you, the red light that seemingly comes from nowhere making you squint until your eyes adjust. You're still panting, little whimpers slipping out against your will. And he's just staring.
What is he doing?
You glance from his mask to his hands. He's released his cleaver, sure, but those hands could easily crush your skull like a ripe melon. Maybe that's what he wants. Maybe he's tired of striking people down in the same way every time, maybe he wants some variety.
No. You focus on his eyes. You've never been this close for this long, never been able to see what they actually look like beneath that mask. They're fully white - no pupils or anything - but you see… confusion there. Something tentative and unsure. Something you've never seen in a monster before.
His hand reaches toward you, and a spike of panic has your next breath stuttering in your lungs. You wait for a blow, a bruising grip around your throat - but it doesn't come. His hand has three fingers, you realize. Not as though two are missing, no, but more like that's just how he was born.
You're not sure why that's what you're focused on at a time like this.
Two of his fingers brush over your cheek. His skin - scales? - are rough, but it doesn't hurt. He's… gentle. It's almost a caress, the way his fingers trail along your jaw.
What is happening?
You focus on his eyes once more. The confusion you see in them is more intense now, and you can see the hints of his brow furrowing beneath the mask.
Earlier you'd been stupid from fear. Now you must be stupid from blood loss, or just plain stupid, because in the next second you open your mouth to whisper.
“Trapper?”
He inhales sharply. Blinks. And suddenly the red light is gone. Suddenly you see his pupils, suddenly that overwhelming something you always feel when a monster is near dissipates. His breaths come even faster, a hysterical undertone making you worry for him.
This creature has killed you before. Why are you worried about him?
He shakes his head, a jerky, panicked motion, and pulls his hand away from your cheek. You could swear his eyes look almost - afraid. Darting between your bloodied face and your leg in the trap and the foggy woods that surround you both. His eyes settle on yours again, and you swear - you swear - that you start to see his eyes shine with tears.
You don't have time to think too much about that before his hands shift to grip the bear trap around your leg and snap it open like it's nothing. Once again, you can't help but let out a pained shout between clenched teeth, the dizziness and ringing in your ears coming back in full force as more blood flows sluggishly from the puncture wounds. He doesn't even need to throw you on a hook, you think deliriously. He could just leave you here and wait for the darkness to take you, as long as no other survivors come along and help. But that's not an option, since the last survivor is on a hook right now. Even if they were free, there's not much time left, anyway, since you can already feel yourself starting to-
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Motion. Dull, rhythmic thuds. Harsh panting, tinged with something like panic. Someone is carrying you, each step jostling your leg and turning your thoughts to static. It takes a few minutes before you remember. Before you realize.
You passed out. That's what happened. Opening your eyes presents you with the blurry sight of the Trapper's mask above you and a starless sky beyond.
Oh. He's carrying you. To a hook? But there was one right by where you were, why would he have to run to-
He's running. He's running.
You try to say something, but it just comes out a garbled mess. Even you aren't sure what you were trying to say. He doesn't respond, but he does glance down at you. His eyes are wild, but not in a way you'd ever expect. There isn't fury or bloodlust there. Instead, you see fear. Desperation. Guilt. Things you hadn't thought the monsters in here were even capable of feeling. You also realize that he's carrying you bridal style, cradling you close to his chest. Usually he just tosses people over his shoulder when he carries them to a hook.
So many things that don't add up here, so many things out of the ordinary. What happened? What changed?
Where is he taking you?
You turn your head, looking in the direction that he's running. Your vision is still blurry, and you can't make out anything but vague shapes through the mist and darkness. Your head rolls back, and you catch the unmistakable sight of those inky black tendrils reaching down from the sky in the distance, twisting and curling until they breach the top of the treeline.
The last survivor. You'd wanted to save them, but if those things are descending for them it's too late. Not that you're in any state to lift someone off a hook anyway.
You're sorry. Fuck, you're so sorry.
You blink and suddenly the Trapper isn't running anymore. Instead he's shifting you in his arms. That was odd. Did you pass out again for a few seconds? You can't really tell, but you're distracted by the flare of pain in your leg that the movement causes.
Focus on something else.
Again you twist to look forward. You're shocked to see that he's brought you to the exit doors, and he's pressing a hand to the switch. You're not sure what he's doing, exactly - it won't activate unless all the generators are up and running.
Wait. Why did he bring you to the exit doors?
You can't focus. Can't organize your thoughts. Can't even lift your head for more than a few seconds at a time. Surely you're close to bleeding out at this point. Maybe all of this has been some strange hallucination that your brain cooked up while you lie dying on the ground, still stuck in that bear trap. Sometimes the monsters do that - leave you there to bleed out. Sometimes they just stand there and watch you as the light leaves your eyes, guarding the area so that no others can help you.
A faint red glow distracts you from your thoughts. Your eyes focus back on the Trapper's hand against the switch, and you're shocked to see his hand glow red. It's not the same red that usually accompanies him, though. This feels… different. Just as strong, but more… pure.
A blaring horn cuts through the air as the exit doors grind open. He shifts you in his arms once again and starts to carry you through the doors. You can see the dark, empty field beyond. Your path to freedom and safety, temporary as it is, sends a rush of excitement through you. Incredulous, you stare up at the Trapper as he kneels and carefully lowers you to the ground inches away from the edge of the little area that separates the walled estate in one direction and the open field in the other. Behind him, you can see the grounds of the estate starting to shake. Angry red lines crack the earth, and little tendrils of darkness start to curl up from the shadows.
The Trapper is watching you. Holding you upright with a hand supporting your back. You try to blink away the blurriness, but you can't. Can't focus. Can't think. But you know freedom is within reach. You only need to crawl across the threshold and you'll be fine. It doesn't make sense, but as long as you cross the threshold you always make it back to the campfire. Even if you're on the verge of death, you make it back.
And he's brought you right to the edge. As far as he can go. No monster has ever been able to cross the threshold.
You must have finally lost your mind. He isn't holding you here, isn't trying to stop you from leaving, and yet you haven't moved. Not only is he still very capable of killing you, even without the cleaver he seems to have left behind, but you're also on a timer. Once the exit doors are open, there's only so much time before the darkness swallows anyone who hasn't escaped. It's a quick death, sure, but incredibly unpleasant. Just the memory of what it sounds like for your bones to crack and crunch inside of you sends a shiver up your spine.
But… this is all so strange. You're half convinced that you're dreaming. A monster showing any sort of mercy is unheard of, much less a monster helping you escape. Could this be another trap, somehow?
It's at that moment that you hear him speak for the very first time. His voice is a rumbling, scratchy thing that sounds like it hasn't been used in ages. Cracking at the edges and colored with something timid and pleading.
“Please,” he whispers. “Go.”
There are things you want to ask. Things you want to say. You didn't even know he was capable of speech until now. But you're running out of time. Every second that you delay is another second closer to death. Dying is never easy, never pleasant, but you seriously consider waiting it out just to get more time to experience whatever the fuck is happening right now. You have no clue how long you've been stuck in this hell, but it's been long enough that you've started to forget things. Like your mother's maiden name. Your address. What color your best friend's eyes were. And in all the time you've spent here, nothing like this has ever happened. You don't know if it ever will again.
He nudges your thigh with his free hand. Gentle but insistent. You have to blink a few times to focus on his face - mask. Mask, it's a mask. You wonder what he looks like underneath it.
It isn't until his hand closes around your wrist that you realize you had started reaching toward him. “Mask,” you mumble, hearing the slurring in your own voice. You think you might be dangerously close to passing out again. Somehow that fact doesn't bother you as much as it should.
“It doesn't come off.” He clears his throat, releasing your wrist. “I've tried.”
That must be uncomfortable. Stifling, even. Does that mean he doesn't want to wear it? Who put it on him, then? And why?
His voice interrupts your thoughts again, but you don't quite catch what he says. Something about sorrow and meaning… or, no, that's not exactly what it was. You're drifting a bit, you realize. Having trouble keeping your eyes open. You feel him nudge you again, a little harder this time, and manage to pry your eyes open long enough to catch his gaze. You see tears there.
Crying. He's still crying.
Why do you care?
You glance behind him. The grounds of the estate are almost unrecognizable from how warped they've become. You need to go. But for the first time, you're wondering what it's like for him. Does he wake up at a campfire once the trial is over, too? Is he stuck on the estate until the darkness whisks him off to another location with new victims? Does he even want to kill people? And how did he even end up here in the first place? You'd always thought the monsters were sort of - part of it all. Just like the dilapidated buildings and the black sky, something that was created just for the purpose of torturing you and the others you've seen between the short reprieves offered by the campfire.
Was he stolen away from his life just like you were? Is he just as trapped as you?
Time is almost up. If you delay any longer it'll be over, and you can't stomach dying when escape is right here at your fingertips. So you lean, falling onto your forearms, and start to drag yourself over the threshold.
Just before you're clear, you glance back. He's still there. Watching. Kneeling. You can't be sure, but you think he's… trembling.
What must it be like? Watching you crawl away while he's stuck behind?
You swallow thickly, hesitating. You can't stay, and you can't take him with you, but you also can't leave without saying something. “Thank you, Trapper.”
The mask obscures his expression, but you see his hands tighten into fists. “Raphael,” he says weakly. Something in his inflection makes you want to turn back and sit with him until the darkness takes you. But you don't. “My name is Raphael.”
“...Thank you, Raphael.”
And you crawl away.
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tag list: @yorshie @luckycharms1701 @thejudiciousneurotic @khayalli @thelaundrybitch @mxalmighty @justalotoffanfiction @shakeyourtrees
#turtlecleric scrolls#rise!raph#hey guys did you miss me? did you miss me writing weird shit that is so very niche?#shout out to gornack for inspiring this
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[TUVOKTOBER: Day 15] At First Sight. [Patreon | Commissions]
#tuvoktober#excerpt from the novel 'pathways'#tuvok/t'pel#Tuvok#st voyager#st voyager fanart#T'Pel#hey [vibrating from thinking about Tuvok - Vulcan Love & Gender Identity & Sexuality too much] -extends hand- chew through drywall with me#comix page#something about how Tuvok's identity is half T'Pel and has been for decades he's spent DECADES growing with half of him being a person#he's not just deeply in love with but literally IS. He literally literally /IS/ part of T'Pel and his children literally ARE a part of him#the SECOND he sees T'Pel Tuvok says 'Being with her isn't enough I need to BE her. NOW.'#that novel had barely anything about T'Pel in it but I'll forgive them bc what they did have (basically just this) ??? showstopping.#thinks about Tuvok alone on Voyager thinks about the unique and alien suffering#[shuddering breath...]ahgh...[cough]....h ey Tuvok!!! What're your PRONOUNS-#Guy who misses his wife who is also him#gu ys....[sobbing openly] g uys...he's INCOMPLETE without them.....#are you picking up what I'm putting down???#-chokes star trek writers- stop having straight people write alien romance. let insane gay people like me have a turn pleasepleaseplease#bea art tag#[switches out of angst mode for a second] also its SO fucking funny that in this novel's canon Tuvok didn't know about the pon farr until#it happened to him. he literally had NO idea what was going on. His parents didn't tell him. Why?? Don't believe in sexEd???#it really made me laugh. conservative coded...#drawing elaborate Vulcan head....things? headresses? is fun <3#suggestive cw
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for a light
okay I PROMISE that comfort is coming I PROMISE
~
Scott stares Xornoth down from across the plateau, wind whipping the demon's hair and robes, black streaking out from him like some decaying flag.
They're alone, just the two of them, so far away (ndisu ndikitá'ána).
He's here.
It's time.
He sets the crown of antlers upon his head.
His fingers tighten on the thin grip of his sword.
-
Scott hisses as his finger bumps the pot, drops his hold and sticks the finger in his mouth. He was just trying to shift it to settle it better in the coals. Stupid cloth slipping.
Right. There's literally snow right there.
Scott removes his finger from his mouth, digs it into the snow beside him. The burn cools, eventually going numb.
That's one upside to living in a permanent winter. There's snow everywhere.
This little clearing in the woods that he took used to have a tent pitched in the center, grass and trees and wildflowers all around.
The tent is long gone, having collapsed under the weight of the snow and ice that collected upon it. Scott replaced it with an ice hut of sorts, which he thinks he created while asleep because he's not exactly sure how he did it. It's kind of ugly, but it has four walls and a roof and a little hole for a door, and it works.
The grass and plants aren't really visible anymore, the ground covered in a thick blanket of snow. Scott's not sure how, but someone had managed to get him a good pair of elven work boots, insulated and sturdy, so that he can tromp through the six or seven inches of snow without much issue. He's cold, this old, patched coat not quite enough to block out the chill, but the gloves keep his fingers from feeling too much like ice and the hand-knit hat prevents a majority of the headaches that his frozen ears cause. He's not too badly off, to be honest. There's just so much . . . cold.
And if he could get it to melt, that would be great.
He can make ice and snow appear just fine. There's plenty of snow, and he can point and ice spikes will shoot up out of the ground, and he can picture a cube of ice and watch as it forms in front of him, but that just means that now he has a little pile of ice cubes and a ludicrous amount of spikes the size of a tree. He can't get rid of anything.
And sure, he has a modicum of control. He can form ice cubes, and spikes, or whatever. But he can't turn off the way ice and snow just grows around him, or the freeze that blasts from him when he waves his arms.
He's been here for two weeks, figuring absolutely nothing out, and he doesn't have much hope for the future.
It feels like there's a wall in his head, a literal barrier keeping him from finding the way to draw back the ice. He's spent hours, days, even, pushing and shoving and just sitting against this wall, trying to force it to work.
It won't give. It's exhausting, day-in and day-out, to try again and again and again as the ice and snow just build up around him.
"Scott!"
Jimmy.
They haven't really . . . talked. Of course, Jimmy turns up every day without fail, bringing with him food and supplies. He always stands on the fringe of the clearing, shares news of the camp, of their latest excursion, of the fight they have planned.
Scott never really says much. He doesn't know how to respond, and Jimmy always leaves with his shoulders sagging the slightest bit.
What is he supposed to say?
I mourned you. I cried for you every day, because I knew I'd never see you again. I attended your funeral. I comforted your sister. I wore a depressing mimicry of what we once wore together, covering myself in the same darkness that took you. I lost you.
You didn't die, you survived, and I still lost you.
How is he supposed to tell Jimmy that what hurts more than anything about this situation is that he never tried to disabuse Scott of the notion that he was dead?
He thinks he still loves Jimmy. Their hearts were made for each other. They've been through too much together to just let go of everything they had.
But there were forty-two of the worst days of Scott's life, in which Scott believed his betrothed to be dead. He can't forget that. He can't pretend that Jimmy even attempted to contact him.
His mind always returns to that. Why didn't he? What reasons has he given, other than his ominous “it wasn't time yet”? Why?
And now they're here, in this horribly awkward phase where they haven't even discussed whether or not they're still an item (Scott's desperately in love with Jimmy but he isn't sure he can even stand to see him it hurts so much) or if that's even something they want to pursue right now (Scott wants so badly just to hold his hand but he can't let himself hurt Jimmy).
"Hey, Scott!"
Scott straightens (his wings shudder under the weight of the ice coating them, but none of it cracks), shakes the snow off his hands, and turns, stomach twisting.
Jimmy is standing there, a good ten feet away, leaning out from between the trees.
It's just Jimmy. Hair still too long, beard still obstinately there, an anxious smile on his pockmarked face.
Doesn't he have anything better to do, rather than visit Scott every day?
Jimmy holds up a bundle of cloth.
"I brought some bread and . . . venison, I think? I forgot to ask what it was. Does that sound good?"
Scott tugs his scarf up a bit higher on his cheeks. "Sounds fine," he calls back, voice muffled by the fabric.
Jimmy tosses it; Scott catches the bundle, grimaces when it frosts over the moment it touches his hands.
"What are you cooking?" Jimmy asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Scott glances back at his little pot on the dying coals.
"Just porridge," he says. That's all Jimmy gave him yesterday, after all. The grain for whatever chunky porridge it is that they eat at the camp all the time.
"That's . . . that's cool," says Jimmy. Dear Aeor, he looks so unbearably awkward. What does he want?
Thankfully, Jimmy gets straight to the point, no more hobbling around small talk.
"We're going on a mission," he says, the words coming out in puffs of frozen air. "There's a village about a day's walk from here, the largest we've gone for yet. They're going to be a huge asset to our rebellion."
Scott nods a couple of times. "Okay. How long until you're back?"
Jimmy chews on his lip—the way he always does when he's anxious, or isn't sure how to approach a problem. "That's . . . well, I wanted to see if you would come, actually."
It takes Scott a few seconds to process that, but when he does, he almost laughs out loud.
He's out of his mind if he thinks Scott will risk something like that. He can't control this! He's had to separate himself from the rest of the camp because there's a ten foot radius of winter wonderland that appears around him!
He has to be joking.
"You have to be joking," Scott says.
Jimmy shrugs. "I talked about it with the others that are coming on the mission, and they're all fine with it. If it makes you feel better—"
"No, I'm dangerous—"
"—we can walk apart from you, and—"
"—you don't understand, I hurt Gem, I'll—"
"—was just thinking that it can't be good for you to—"
"Jimmy, I said no!"
And childishly, to emphasize his point, Scott stamps his foot.
Ice crackles along the ground like a whip, shooting up in little spikes, a ten-inch wall down the middle of his little clearing.
It stops just short of Jimmy, the last little spike rising just inches from his boots, and Scott almost wants to go and shove him out of the way because Jimmy doesn't even move!
Doesn't he have any sense of self-preservation?
Jimmy doesn't seem scared when he looks up at Scott. He just seems sad.
"That's why I can't," Scott bites out, wrapping his arms around himself. His scarf is slipping, nose exposed to the cold. "I'm not safe. I don't want to hurt someone."
"Okay. Can I explain myself, though?"
Before Scott can give an answer, Jimmy takes a small step forward, boot crunching on snow.
Scott takes a step back.
"We know how to keep ourselves safe," he says. "Most of the people here escaped terrible conditions where one wrong move could kill them. They know how to recognize threats and keep a safe distance. It wouldn't even be an issue to travel with you."
Scott wants to argue, but Jimmy takes another step. Scott quickly steps back, swallowing down the fear that rises in his throat, burning like bile.
"We would travel kind of separately, and it wouldn't even be a long journey. Two days at most, I think. So the main group would stick together, and you would stay within sight off to the side. We usually move quietly, so you wouldn't miss out on conversation or anything."
Okay, that's probably what Scott would do if they were forced to travel. He's pretty sure that he can cause ice issues outside of the ten foot radius, if he tries, but it doesn't automatically happen. Travel plans like that might actually work.
Which doesn't mean they're good. They aren't. They just might work.
"This village has a lot of soldiers, from what we can tell. Way more than there ought to be. They're beginning to figure out our game. We usually wouldn't go for someplace so risky, but there's so many people there. If we freed them, we could easily add two hundred to our able fighters."
Is Jimmy stupid?
"It's a trap," Scott says, pointing out what seems obvious. "Why would they have so many Mythlanders there if not to wait for you?"
Jimmy scoffs. "We know it's a trap," he says. "That's why we want you. We want to avoid fights if possible—and if you were there, we would have a really decent chance of getting in and out without losing anyone."
"You're forgetting that I can't really control this," Scott says icily, and as if to match his tone, it spontaneously begins to snow. "I'm just as likely to hurt one of you."
"We just need you to make it as cold as possible. The Cod will survive—we're pretty good with cold temperatures. But humans are a bit more sensitive to that kind of thing. So we thought—if you could freeze over the village, then all the guards would go inside and we could sneak everyone out!"
That. . . .
That is a monumentally idiotic plan.
Scott blinks several times, just to make sure it really is Jimmy in front of him and not some hallucination induced by so much time alone.
"Or we could not do that," he says. "Just a suggestion."
Jimmy laughs a little. "I kind of figured you'd say that," he says. "But it's worth a shot, right? And if it doesn't work, we can go back to camp and figure out something else. No harm done, right?"
"Other than the possible harm that my very presence could cause," Scott says. "Do you really think that staying ten feet away while traveling would work? Just because that's my snowglobe radius doesn't mean anyone is safe outside of it."
He re-crosses his arms, waits for Jimmy to meet his eyes.
Jimmy's quiet for a long time, looking around at the unintentional ice spikes and piles of snow. Long enough that Scott turns away, tosses the sack from Jimmy into his ice hut.
That's that, then. He and Jimmy aren't going to talk about any of their real issues. Jimmy's so focused on this inconsequential rebellion of his that he won't even think about the fact that Xornoth may be controlling the world by now. Gem might be dead—literally any of them could be dead, Lizzie or Shubble or Joel all could have fallen—and Xornoth has control of half of the empires or all of them. And the only way to stop him didn't work.
Yet all Jimmy will even give thought to is his stupid little rebellion.
"I know it's hard," Jimmy says, voice awkwardly too-loud, rousing Scott from his thoughts. "It's really, really hard. I know that you don't trust yourself, and that you're hurting, and there's so much tangled up between us that I don't really understand but I know isn't making any of this easier for you. But I know you want to get better. I know you, Scott. And I know you will do everything in your power to keep those people safe."
Scott doesn't say anything, blinks back the sudden tears. He doesn't need this. He doesn't need Jimmy telling him what he feels.
Even if he's right.
He would do everything to keep the others safe.
He just can't guarantee that it would work.
"I trust you," Jimmy says firmly. "We trust you. I wouldn't have even brought it up if I hadn't cleared it with everyone else. And if it doesn't work, I'll never ask you to do it again. But please, Scott. If not for the people suffering, do it for me."
He doesn't owe Jimmy anything.
As a ruler, he pledged to defend his people, and he failed. What about when he fails again? Will he even be able to live with himself?
Will he be able to live with himself if he doesn't try?
In the grand scheme of things, a rebel attack to evacuate citizens of a small town in the Codlands is absolutely nothing. It will likely not contribute at all to the ending of the war.
But it's somewhere to start. Jimmy's always talking about how if they're still alive after everything, they ought to be doing something good with it. If he wants to eventually try to launch some sort of hopeless attack on Xornoth, he has to start somewhere. He has to figure this ice stuff out.
"Okay," he says eventually, reluctantly. "I don't . . . I don't want to. I don't think it will go well."
"If you can't trust yourself, you can trust me," offers Jimmy, and Scott grimaces at the hope in his voice.
He doesn't respond.
He wants to trust Jimmy. He wishes nothing had ever broken the trust that was there.
He isn't sure what did break it. He can't exactly blame Jimmy for not dying.
"I'll come get you tomorrow around midmorning, okay? We're hoping to arrive when it's dark the next day, then just have you freeze it overnight and get the Cod out before sunrise. Sound good?"
Scott shrugs. "It's your plan," he says. "Does it sound good to you?"
Jimmy doesn't respond, glancing over his shoulder. "I need to go finish prepping," he says when he turns back. "Take care. I . . . I'll see you tomorrow."
Scott doesn't move (frozen to the spot, he thinks idly), just watches Jimmy go, picking his way back between the trees.
What has he agreed to?
-
The journey goes exactly as Jimmy had laid out. Jimmy travels in a band of thirty-two people (Scott counts them during one of their fifteen minute rests), all able young Cod, some with cobbled-together armor or swords, others with nothing but the clothes on their back and improvised weapons. Scott sees two hand-made slings, one little hunting bow, and a couple of large branches shaped into clubs. All from afar, of course.
Scott walks a good thirty or forty feet away from the group, shying away whenever someone accidentally veers a little close. They always hurry back to the others, shivering and rubbing their arms.
Jimmy, of course, comes close on purpose. He keeps trailing along on the edges of the group, giving Scott terribly hopeful glances.
Scott just keeps his eyes on the snowy ground before him and wishes he could figure out how to talk to him.
Does he even want to talk to him?
Of course he does. Of course he wants to talk to his . . . to Jimmy.
He just can't. He can't risk hurting him. He can't risk getting hurt.
And soon enough, they've arrived at the town.
Scott has somehow managed to avoid hurting anyone, though one Cod only narrowly avoids getting stabbed by a flying ice spike when Scott gets startled by a bee.
He isn't sure how powerful he is, just that he's managed to tie it down and lash it to himself. But Scott, more often than not, feels like there's a thin door being battered and blown by a terrible snowstorm, ice seeping in through the cracks, and soon enough he'll have to try to open the door just a little bit. He can only imagine it blasting it open and sending bursts of unstoppable power out, forever unable to be closed.
Jimmy approaches him as Scott finishes up eating a cold supper, and even though it's dark Scott knows it's Jimmy because he knows Jimmy, he knows his habits and his tendencies and just weeks ago that had been painful, precious knowledge and now it means nothing significant.
"We're about ready," Jimmy says, not looking at Scott. He's looking out over the ridge that they're hidden behind, toward the town below. Scott wants to shake him, scream at him, drag him down to the ground. Doesn't he know he'll be seen? That his outline against the darkening sky will be obstinately visible?
"I'll take you down there in about a half hour. Then you just need to drop the temperatures to about freezing, all right? We'll do everything from there."
Scott doesn't answer. He doesn't have anything to say.
You left me you died to me I lost you and you were here. You were here this whole time and I've been hurting, and I'm still hurting and you just don't care. Why didn't you comfort me? Why aren't you helping me? Why won't you listen to everything I can't say?
Jimmy doesn't say anything, either, despite Scott's silent cries. He just stands there awkwardly, then gives Scott a nod and jogs back over to the main group.
Scott flexes his fingers in their gloves, blows on his hands, relishes the momentary warmth that brings him. He's always so cold these days. For good reason, of course—and despite all that, elves naturally run colder than humans, with the climate of their dwelling—, but he doesn't have to like it.
How is he meant to freeze an entire town without accidentally doing more damage than intended?
At this point, Scott has absolutely zero doubt that he'll be able to freeze the town. Piece of cake. The problem is drawing back the power after it's been extended.
It doesn't help that he doesn't know what he's doing. It doesn't help that all he's done for the past two weeks is try to not explode. He hasn't actually learned anything about control, or using the magic to his advantage.
And now he has to save a town. Use this untamable magic in moderation.
He's going to fail so badly.
And yet, when Jimmy returns not long later, Scott readjusts the little knapsack that hangs off his shoulder and sets off around the ridge, following Jimmy from a safe distance.
They skirt around their little camp on the side of the ridge, giving the refugees a wide berth so as to avoid getting any of them mixed up in Scott's personal snowstorm. That wouldn't help anything about this situation.
The ice hasn't been unfreezing behind him, either. That's been kind of concerning. He'd assumed, back in his little patch of the forest, that the ice hadn't gone away because he hadn't gone away. But now there's just a path of frost and snow through the long grasses of the outer Codlands, a trail leading directly to the rebel camp.
Scott really hopes it melts with time. It wouldn't be good to have one of fWhip's flying fish spies follow it and discover the camp.
He gets pulled from his thoughts by necessity as they approach the town, Jimmy making sure to keep them to the shadows, out of range of the torchlight from the perimeter guards. They crouch down behind some bushes (Jimmy beckons Scott closer, miming something about talking, and Scott reluctantly settles down close enough beside him—about five feet away, the closest to anyone he's been in weeks), peering between the brambles. Sure enough, there's more guards than a small border town ought to have—Scott counts at least four that patrol by the edge of town in the five minutes that they sit there and watch.
"We need to give my people a few more minutes, probably," Jimmy whispers, glancing up at the sky. The moon hasn't risen yet, so Scott's really not sure what he's checking. "But if you want to start the freeze, you can."
Right. Freezing an entire town.
Scott reaches inside himself for . . . for something. He isn't sure what. It's not like there's anything in there. Just his aching heart.
He legitimately feels fatigued from holding back the magic the best he can, but he doesn't know how to let go. He doesn't have any sort of point of reference for this. What is he supposed to do?
After several long minutes of indecision, of pulling at different parts of his mind to see if something just releases the switch, Scott gives up on figuring it out and just pushes.
He's not sure if the dam is broken, but a little flurry of snowflakes shoots out of his hands and he imagines the town, water in barrels and canals slowly freezing over, the temperatures dropping, the night air becoming frigid and biting.
Why does it have to be him?
"Nice," Jimmy whispers beside him. Scott blinks, looks up.
It's snowing. All across the town is snowing.
He didn't mean to make it snow. He only wanted to make it cold.
And it is cold. His fingers through their gloves are aching, the exposed skin on his face burns as a gust of freezing wind blows past.
"Was that too much?" he whispers, twisting his hands together. "I didn't mean for—"
Jimmy breathes out a near-silent laugh, gives him a grin. "I knew you could do it. I knew it!"
He made Jimmy happy.
Despite all the confusing hurt keeping them apart, that still makes Scott's heart squeeze in the best way possible.
The guards glance around at the fat flakes of snow, clearly confused. There's some shouting person to person, and within torchlight on the edge of town, a cluster of guards gather, rubbing their hands together and stamping their feet and pointing back to the center of town as they talk.
There's no way this will work. If his guards at Rivendell left their posts because it got a little cold, they would be in severe trouble with their captain.
But as Scott watches, one by one, the guards begin to trail away, heading toward what Scott assumes to be the inn.
There's no way. There's no way this is actually working. This can't be real.
Jimmy takes in a near-silent breath, lets it out in a low, loud, whoop/whistle. It sounds strikingly like the call of an owl that Scott has heard occasionally in these parts, late at night.
When did Jimmy learn bird calls?
It's a small thing. It's not even anything that matters. It's tiny and unimportant and Scott really shouldn't be close to tears right now.
It's like he doesn't even know Jimmy. He doesn't want to be upset, but he can't seem to stop it.
Jimmy still loves him and wants him; Jimmy wants them to be in love again.
How is it so hard?
Every guard has gone inside now, the town quiet.
The snow continues to fall, slow, drifting gently onto a peaceful street, becoming a picturesque winter scene.
Yet staring at it doesn't bring Scott peace. He only grows more and more anxious, eyes scanning from point to point, as though he might miss the operation entirely if he only watches the snow.
And after five or so minutes of waiting, Scott sees, past the falling snow, camouflaged people stealing through the streets, peering in windows, tapping lightly on doors.
The Cod residents are quick and quiet to answer, which is absolutely absurd.
It's actually working.
The other day, this was the most ridiculous plan Scott had ever heard. He never would have believed that any part of it would actually come to any sort of fruition.
And here they are.
He continues to watch as entire families sneak out of houses, glancing left and right before stepping out into the street, some bundled up in layers of clothing and others with nothing but a thin tunic protecting them from the weather.
The rebels move in phases, ushering out first this side street, then that one, making sure each sector of the town doesn't leave without instruction.
Scott watches, and something within him marvels.
This is the work. This had seemed so inconsequential to him just days ago—there are much larger things to worry about, after all—but now he can see how this had become Jimmy's whole world.
There's so many of them. They're moving house-by-house, sending one group before beckoning the next, but the streets are still close to packed.
There's a woman, hands covering her mouth as tears stream down her face, following a group into an alley. A shirtless man, carrying two children at once, his shirt draped over the both of them. A child—a tiny slip of a girl, surely not older than eight, clinging to her parent's leg, the torchlight from the abandoned guard posts illuminating her face just enough that Scott can see a hand-shaped bruise spanning her cheek.
The people are malnourished, injured, terrified. They’ve been desperately praying that someone will rescue them, someone will come along and deliver them from this darkness.
And here Jimmy is, a shining light, their once-dead king returned to save them specifically, as unimportant as they feel they are.
It makes sense. Jimmy's forces aren't strong enough to take on Xornoth, so why should he even focus on something so unattainable?
This, while not easy, is doable, and something that both strengthens his numbers and helps his people.
Scott gets it. It's about hope. It's about remembering the lost. It's about finding strength and life in this world of corruption.
"Scott," Jimmy whispers, pulling him from his realization.
Scott blinks, looks over at him. Jimmy's teeth are chattering, his nose pink, his lips pale of color. His arms are clutched around himself, doing nothing to hide the way his entire body trembles.
"You can reel it back in, a bit," Jimmy says, clearly going for humor, but the words fall flat when his lips can't even twitch up in some semblance of a smile.
Oh.
Scott looks back to the town, and now, he doesn't just see the wonder of it all. He sees how slowly everyone is moving, the way the rebels look up fearfully at the quickening snow, the way none of them are wearing any proper winter gear.
It's cold out. It's very, very cold out. It's definitely far below freezing, icicles already hanging from buildings, a thick layer of snow blanketing the ground.
It's too cold. He sees, all at once, three children collapse, and their caretakers pick them up but can barely keep going.
It's too much. It's too cold, so cold that a man stumbles and falls, and those around him are too cold to stop and help.
"Scott, make it stop," Jimmy whispers with increasing urgency. "It's too cold. Scott, stop."
He can't stop.
The door has been opened, and Scott doesn't know how to close it.
He can't make it warm up, he can't even stop it from getting colder. The night sky is growing steadily darker as more clouds roll in, the snow falling harder and faster—there's actual ice spreading, visibly spreading, crawling out from the bushes where he and Jimmy are crouched, heading toward the town and Scott can't stop it—
"Scott—"
"I can't stop it," breathes Scott, and it's nothing but the truth. He can't just turn it off, that isn't something he knows how to do—he doesn't know how to do anything, this is a curse and he hates it and nothing will ever be right again!
"I can't stop it," he says again, louder, voice shaking. "I can't—I can't do it, I told you I can't, I don't know how—"
"Just try," Jimmy says over him, hands held up. "I know you can do it, I trust you—"
"Just—just stop!" Scott bursts out, finally, all those terrible emotions rising to his tongue. "You keep saying—you keep—you were dead, you left me and you don't get to—you can't tell me what I can and can't do, I don't—"
"Scott," Jimmy says, something horribly placating in his voice, and it sounds just like the old Jimmy, just like the one who died—
Scott stumbles up, backing away from Jimmy. He can't—he doesn't want—this is all too much, too much, he's ruined everything and it's too much—
Jimmy stands as well, taking a couple of steps toward him. "Scott, I'm going to touch you, okay?"
"No!" Scott bites out. The wind is whistling in his ears, he can barely hear Jimmy over it—he can barely see Jimmy through the snow, there's so much of it, and Scott can't make it stop! He can't fix this! "Don't touch me, I don't—I don't even know you, I'll hurt you!"
"Scott—"
"Get—away—" Jimmy's just coming closer, one step at a time, and Scott doesn't want him, that's not his Jimmy, he doesn't want to hurt him—
The storm is rapidly getting worse, the snow beating down on his face with little pellets of ice, he had never meant to make it snow let alone storm, he's cursed, he's forever cursed, there's no way he can make things right, there's no way anything will ever be right again—!
And then there are arms around him.
Jimmy squeezes him tightly, good pressure and tightly enough that his brain is forced to settle into a more peaceful state, despite his surroundings.
His lover is warm against him, and Scott instinctively buries his face in the crook of Jimmy's shoulder where it belongs and perfectly fits.
Something inside doesn't really click into place. It doesn't quite work. It's close, but it's just not where it needs to be.
But it does slide together nicely, and Scott somehow finds a slippery grasp on the cold and tugs it back in.
He hadn't even been able to have this before. He hadn't even been able to feel a way to control it, let alone actually take hold.
But there's some kind of power positively radiating from Jimmy, something that Scott can feel and recognize in this entirely new world of magic that he never even knew existed.
It's got to be Jimmy's love.
Jimmy loves him so so much that it overpowers the curse.
And Scott, for the first time in weeks, feels warm.
He feels warm. Jimmy's here, his arms wrapped around Scott, and he feels warm.
A sob rises in his chest.
This is his Jimmy.
His Jimmy is holding him, and loves him, and is so very warm.
"There we go," Jimmy whispers into his hair, voice slightly muffled. "Not too much, now. We still need a little bit of snow coming down."
Right.
Scott doesn't think he has the emotional capacity to pay attention to anything but Jimmy, but he loosens his grip on the ice just a little, enough that the snow doesn't stop.
The sob bursts out of his mouth, and Scott clutches Jimmy as close to him as possible.
His Jimmy is here. He's actually here.
And Scott can feel his fingers again, warmth washing over every part of his body.
They don't move for a long time. Jimmy watches the exodus over his shoulder as Scott cries into his chest, letting all of the emotions that he's been feeling for the past two months pour out onto Jimmy's coat.
They stand there, and Scott sobs.
After too long, long enough that the tears on Scott's face become more sticky than wet (they aren't freezing on his cheeks, like they've been doing, and isn't that just a miracle), Jimmy pulls away.
Scott feels his tenuous control slip from his grasp—too cold again, too cold—and he launches himself back into Jimmy's arms.
"Don't go," he chokes out.
"Okay."
"Please . . . I can't—I can't do this without you."
"Okay."
Scott takes in a shuddering breath. He's stronger than this. He can do this.
"Do you think you can stop the snow?"
Scott nods, his nose wiping across Jimmy's coat. Then, with a mustering of what little strength he has, he shuts that imaginary door.
It almost doesn't shut. Scott strains against it in his mind, inch by inch, but eventually it clicks shut.
He can't lock it. But holding to Jimmy keeps it shut, and Scott doesn't plan on letting go.
Jimmy's right here.
Jimmy is real.
He's alive.
"You died," Scott sniffles, tears burning at the corners of his eyes. "You died!"
"I know," Jimmy murmurs, sounding absolutely heartbroken. "I know. I'm here."
"You weren't there, though. You—you left me! I was so—so alone!"
"I know," Jimmy says again. "I'm so sorry, Scott. I'm so sorry."
Jimmy's crying too, Scott realizes. They're in snow up to their knees, in full view of the town, and they're both just standing here crying.
Scott. . . .
Scott doesn't really care.
His heart, broken by the weight of the grief hanging so heavily on it, is finally beginning to heal.
That's more important than anything else around.
-
Scott doesn't let go of Jimmy's hand the entire trip back.
They walk back to the camp, bringing up the rear of a long crowd of refugees. Scott's trail of frost is barely-there, and he never feels like he's a danger to anyone while Jimmy is at his side.
They arrive back at the camp almost three days later, the group slower-moving with the addition of a good three hundred people. The camp is thrown into chaos, more than doubled in size, and Jimmy's pulled every which way by every person possible as they try to make arrangements and adjustments on such a large scale.
Scott stays with him through it all. He presses himself into Jimmy's side during a hurried meeting about leadership for splitting into several camps; he clings to him while Jimmy directs new refugees to food; he holds his hand through long hours of pointing people this way and that.
Jimmy doesn't end up being forced to bed until past midnight, a young Cod practically pushing him and Scott to his tent. Jimmy goes reluctantly, walk stumbling and eyes bloodshot. Scott can't imagine that he looks any better—he can feel how oily his hair is, limp after being literally frozen for so long, his wings unkempt and dragging. He can barely stay upright, and relief floods him when they finally reach Jimmy's tent.
Jimmy collapses onto his bedroll without even taking off his boots or unbuckling the enchanted sword on his back, and Scott is just able to manage loosening the laces of his own boots and kicking them off before he falls down beside him.
"There's still so much to do," mumbles Jimmy, and instinctively, they wrap around each other, knees slotting perfectly and arms weaving just right.
It's like nothing changed.
It's like everything is right again.
"I missed you," Scott whispers, though his throat threatens to choke on the words.
He lost Jimmy. Forty-two days of mourning, of the worst torture he's ever been subjected to.
He lost him, and it still hurts. Everything still feels so terribly hopeless, so dark, and Jimmy forsook him for so long.
But he's back. He's here, and alive, and through his thin tunic under the hilt of the sword Scott can feel a new scar just below the nape of his neck (Jimmy shudders as his fingers trace it, but doesn't pull away) but he's alive and in Scott's arms.
He died. Jimmy died, and it must have been terribly traumatic for him in ways that Scott hasn't even considered.
But by some miracle, he's here. He's okay.
He is, isn't he?
"Are you all right?" Scott asks quietly, seized by the need to know that his love is well. He doesn't know the specifics, not really—but Jimmy said he'd been stabbed several times, and that can't have been easy to recover from—and Scott had made it awfully cold earlier, and he knows that some of the refugees suffered because of it, and Jimmy only had that thin coat on.
Jimmy doesn't respond, though, breathing slow and even, and Scott eventually relaxes, assuming that he's asleep. He can get his answer tomorrow, after all. He can fuss over him all he wants.
Scott honestly can't believe that he let himself drift so far from Jimmy. He let his feelings of abandonment and despair and everything else get in the way of being here, holding his beloved, giving him comfort and receiving it in bucketloads.
He was so wrapped up in losing Jimmy the first time, he almost lost him again.
Then Jimmy shifts in his arms, sighs a little bit. "I'm okay," he finally replies. "That's what you asked, right?"
Scott nods against his shoulder, and Jimmy lets out a low chuckle. "My good ear is pressed to the pillow, sorry," he says by way of explanation. "Couldn't quite hear you. Are you okay?"
Is he okay?
He's not physically injured. And he's not quite so cold—with Jimmy's love warming him, he can keep a lid on the ice magic, stopping it from spreading beyond his fingertips.
Everything about this situation still hurts. Everything's still so terrible, and there's no way to overcome it.
But Jimmy's here now, and he loves Scott.
And Scott loves him.
"I'm all right," he says eventually, before burying his face deeper into Jimmy's shoulder.
And he thinks, for the moment, that it's true.
-
Scott dreams that night.
He dreams of a plateau, ice, wind whipping dark robes every which way.
He dreams of his hand tightening around a sword hilt.
He dreams of a crown upon his head.
Inka kuuna ndikitá'ána.
-
It's just barely past dawn, and a young girl with mousy brown hair and scales smattered across her face like freckles is wandering down to the river to collect water.
It's a bit of a long walk, but Lithi doesn't mind—it's preferable to the walk back, when the empty waterskin strapped to her back will be filled with water.
She's a girl forced to grow up too fast, barely in her teens, yet made to take up her mother's armor and flee into exile.
But she doesn't cry. Lithi never cries, and it's a point of pride for her. Her peers seem to be constantly crying, after all. She isn't going to let herself be perceived as a weak little girl. Not after everything her people have been through.
The ground beneath her bare feet becomes squishy, pockmarked with little puddles of water, and she veers right. Her course has taken her too near the slow, swampy portion of the river, and while she longs to go splash about in the swamp, she knows that the water there isn't clear enough to use back at camp. Not to mention, the Codfather wants them to avoid the swamps, for some reason.
She misses the marshes of home. They all do—Cod aren't made to spend all their lives on land.
She knows the swamp misses them, too.
And that reminds her of the folk song that her mother taught her, and her mother's parents taught her, and their parents taught them.
So, while the girl walks, she sings.
The sun is brighting,
Children, come home!
The grass is sighing,
Children, come home!
Where the water's dark and deep
There her children will find sleep
The marsh is calling,
Children, come home!
The frogs are croaking,
Children, come home!
The critters woken,
Children, come home!
Where the water's dark and deep
There her children will find sleep
The marsh is calling,
Children, come home!
The birds are singing,
Children, come home!
The trees are ringing
Children, come home!
Where the water's dark and deep
There her children will find sleep
The marsh is calling,
Children, come home!
The fries are playing,
Children, come home!
The wind is saying,
Children, come home!
Where the water's dark and deep
There her children will find sleep
The marsh is calling,
Children, come home!
The marsh is calling,
Children, come home!
The night is falling,
Children, come home!
Where the water's dark and deep
There her children will find sleep
The marsh is crying,
Children, come home!
She reaches the riverbank as the song comes to a close, singing the last line over and over again, in a myriad of styles and keys.
She shrugs the waterskin off her shoulders, clumsily dips it into the water. The riverbank is uncomfortably dry and sandy between her toes, which long for the mud of home.
Why can't they go to the swamp? Not that she would ever rebel against their Codfather, but she just wants to feel at peace again.
The waterskin isn't totally full, but she draws it up out of the water and ties it closed, arms shaking, straining to hold it up. And now she has to make the long walk back to camp with this heavy load, the leather straps cutting into her shoulder blades with every step.
So maybe she dawdles by the river. Maybe she dips her fingers into the water, swishes it around.
It's that distraction, perhaps, that changes everything.
Because had Lithi not lingered, she wouldn't have seen the glimpse of bright green caught under a rock in the water. She wouldn't have levied up the rock, pulled loose the thing. She wouldn't have held up the sodden leather bag, beautifully embroidered with a bright green cod and a sky blue stag.
And most importantly of all, she wouldn't have opened the bag to find a thin, Oceanic book, nor caught a glimpse of gold shimmering in the silty mud beneath where the bag had lain.
#esmp#empires smp#empires s1#flower husbands#scott smajor#jimmy solidarity#trust au#krcu#mas writes#040324#hiatus posting 😙✌️#shout out to oasis frfr#man what if i pretended to return from hiatus for april fools#i did not do that but missed opportunity#um enjoy some communication issues!!#and i promise#listen to me#i promise that there is comfort#please enjoy#love you guys#(hey guys!! oasis here :)) idk if I believe them. hope you enjoyed though lol!! <3)
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he's lying
#hey guys did you miss my poorly drawn twst....#twisted wonderland#twst fanart#joke post#vil schoenheit#rook hunt#rookvil#vilrook#my art :>#digital art#comics
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pov: you surprise aki hayakawa with a kiss
#this is aki's va#but it was edited together by me#hey did you guys miss me being delusional on your feed teeheehee#kicks my feet and swings them around#aki hayakawa x reader#aki x reader#aki hayakawa#aki asmr
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I miss zack lee......zack lee you'll always be number 1 TO ME
#hey did you guys know that the reason zack got back to training was to protect mira after logan returned to school stronger#after zoe rejected him the first time#cause I genuinely forgot and idk i really miss how the story flowed so smoothly back then#ptj pls give me one small filler arc where everyone is an idiot when was the last time i got a silly 2 ch arc#lookism#zack lee
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gn!reader
Erik Gesner adds random words to his daily vocabulary all the time. And he never gives you context about what the words mean or where they come from. Occasionally you do find the origin by coincidence but most of the time you remain clueless.
Gesner also loves to translate German phrases to English and vise versa. But he translates them literally word for word so usually the meanings don't make sense or the sentence construction is off.
Gesner's favourite way of messing with you is to randomly stop in the middle of a sentence and watch how confused you are. You know he won't continue talking so you're gonna have to figure out what he means from the context. And as well as you know Gesner, figuring out what's going on in his head is always a challenge.
#hey guys did you miss my writing its been a week#💟 maochira writes#blue lock#bllk#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock x you#bllk x you#blue lock headcanons#bllk headcanons#erik gesner#erik gesner x reader#erik gesner x you#bastard münchen#bastard munchen
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Tickle fight for the PoPr drabble ideas >:3c
In PoPr universe, so BF -> Keith, GF -> Cherry
Hysterical laughter was the first thing Pico heard coming back to the apartment. Immediately his skin prickled in a sense of playful danger, because there was only one thing that could be causing laughter as hard as that, and if he wasn’t careful, he would be its next target. If he didn’t want to be dragged into the mess, he could easily just not go into the room with the laughter until it was done. But also that was boring, and he really wanted to witness a hysterical Keith with his own eyes. So, putting his keys away and slipping off his shoes, he slinked down the hallway and peeked his head around the doorframe to be met with an adorably silly sight.
Keith was, in short, trapped. Belly to the bed, his face was stuck in an expression of complete mirth and ticklish anguish, fists pounding into the mattress as he screamed out his laughter. Keeping him trapped in his ‘torture’ was Cherry, sitting on top of his upper legs and grinning wickedly at the back of his head. Her devilish nails were dancing wildly over both of his sides, and her tail was wrapped around his ankles with her tail tip teasing meanly behind one of his knees. Pico shivered at the sight, butterflies starting to flutter in his belly because lord, that looked like it tickled like hell. The demoness was a wicked thing when she was hungry to hear his or the rapper’s laughter. Ruthless but still gentle. There was no telling what would’ve happened if he’d been home when the hunger struck. He almost felt bad for Keith.
Almost.
“Not so funny when it’s you, huh? Or, well, I guess it is really funny. You wouldn’t be able to stop laughing if you tried.” Pico said smugly, rounding the corner properly and entering the room.
“Fuck you- hah!” Keith shouted between his laughs, an unnamable shine swirling in the one eye he had open and trained on his boyfriend.
“Ah, he’s still defiant. You haven’t destroyed him enough yet. Go for the kill, Cherry, defend my honor.”
“Fu- wa-aha-wait!”
“On it, boss!” Cherry responded playfully, quickly releasing his legs and flipping him over from on his belly to on his back. Pushing his shirt all the way up, she gave him a few seconds to breathe before her nails touched down on the skin of his stomach- which also happened to be his death spot.
Keith, of course, lost his damn mind.
“Lower right side, right on the edge of his belly, gee it sure is such a shame that we figured this spot out, isn’t it?” Cherry teased wickedly, putting her nails to good use. “Oh, please, continue to laugh, such a wonderful, electric shade of indigo. Did I ever make mention that my synesthesia works with laughter? Ah, well, guess you know now!”
“That explains so much.” Pico snarked, having to raise the volume of his voice to be heard over Keith’s hysterics. “Always wondered why you seemed to get actually hungry to hear us laugh sometimes. I thought it was just because you were obsessed with the sound.”
“Both. Both ideas can exist at the same time and they do!” Cherry answered gleefully, very proud of herself. “Hmm… what do you think, Peeks? Think he’s had enough?”
Pico turned his gaze back to the trapped blue-haired boy, who was staring at him with such malicious intent that he knew he was going to be screwed no matter what he said. He’d already provoked him. Maybe if he was lucky Cherry would give him a ten second head start to escape into the other room before his fate caught up with him.
“No idea how long this was going on for before I got home, but he’s still breathing, so… give him a few more minutes.” Pico said finally, offering a wild grin full of mischief and nervous anticipation. “But I have a feeling I’m going to be made to eat my words the minute you let him go. Think you can give me a head start to flee before he’s on my ass?”
Cherry snorted out a laugh, continuing her evil scribbles. “I’m sure I can manage a few seconds for you… but know that I’d never pass up an opportunity to see your bright, aqua blue laughter for very long.”
“You’re so- snrk- DEAD!” Keith shrieked, still trying to escape to no avail, knowing that he’d be released in the next few minutes. He’d honestly been content to give Cherry what she wanted, but since Pico came home, his drive to be a menace was provoked into overdrive at his teasing words. Someone was going to pay, heavily.
#PoPrDrabbles#Listen this is not my fault Shed started it /silly#Hey remember that similarities thing Biff kept talking about in RGBFverse SADSFDGFHG#Gee wonder why he didn't want to give up that secret now /silly#Did you guys miss these idiot goobers... they'll be back soon
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Nino: stop saying "i wish" and start saying "i will"
Adrien: i will my father loved me
-
#HEY GUYS I'M BACK#did you miss me? cause i missed y'all#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#incorrect miraculos quotes#mlb#incorrect quotes#incorrect miraculous ladybug quotes#miraculous quotes#ml#adrien agreste#nino lahiffe
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Rewatched the episode of House MD where Kutner dies and I honestly think instead of killing his character off, they should have said that Kutner got a job as physician to then President Barack Obama and that's why he was leaving. Objectively funnier since his actor did leave the show to work for Obama and I know it would have driven House nuts that Kutner was ditching to go play doctor with the President instead of getting verbally abused for House's amusement.
#house md#house md spoilers#i mean#the show is like a decade old but Kutner's death is kind of a big spoiler#lawrence kutner#but like#u KNOW Taub and Foreman would be seething with jealousy#kutner shows up one morning like hey guys i got a new job! I'll miss you!#and house makes some bitchy comment about who would be crazy enough to hire the guy who set a patient on fire#and Kutner is like the president did lol#thirteen would find Foreman's undying rage HILARIOUS im sure#i like to hc that Kutner is her Little Buddy™#Taub would be ready to kill someone#and House is mad bc well its p much impossible for him to meddle#can't very well intimidate and terrorize the president into not hiring one of ur emotional support ducklings bc ur jealous#wilson and cuddy c plot (Kutner's political career is the b plot patients are a plot obviously)#where they have to desperately try to prevent house from being arrested for domestic terrorism (stalking the president)#but yeah they should have just given Kutner the same reason his actor had for leaving#bc i think it would make Taub kill himself out of rage and Foreman would be chewing glass and House is going to end up on a watch list#meanwhile Thirteen is so proud of her emotional support Little Guy™ even if she's too busy talking Taub and Foreman off the ledge#to properly congratulate him#im objectively correct and kind of want to write this as an au fic
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