#hey did i rly just do this?
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I could've been a better man, but I'm not
more lmhs megu bc i love him. he is here fr ur lunch money :>
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#atla!au: illust#lmhs#megu i love YOUUUUUUUU i have $2 in nickles and a crumpled receipt but its yours u can have it<3#i just . wanted 2 draw him fighting n looking menacing fgsfhsfk#we decided tht his bending style is an homage 2 his canon technique so ! Hands my beloved <3#had to pose in front of th mirror to get proper ref smh when will my kotobukiya hand return from war :(#honestly cruel tht we're doing this au Now before i have it JHSDG my life wld b so much easier re: bending ref if i did#well. ref fr everyone but yuuji rly#anywayyyy#decided 2 try smth different n leave the Base sketch visible ? i think i like it w th current style ive got going#makes it Soft n Sketchy#also im SO proud of my me ths the best upward tilt head angle ive ever drawn ?? n it didnt even give me any trouble????#character growth <3#*looks at clock* hey not bad ! 12:30 !#ws this....4 hours?? 5??? time blurs man idk
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have we ever thought abt the fact that zuko is literally azula's older brother. like she's his little sister. that's his little sister. throughout a big, big part of atla plot, he was actively running away, scared of his little sister killing him because he KNEW she would/could. can you imagine that? your little sibling, wanting more your father's approval than your companionship to the point of death? every time they fought, zuko was fighting his baby sister. azula was fighting her big brother. this is making me so sick. they were 16 and 14 years old.
#avatar the last airbender#atla#atla zuko#atla azula#zuko#azula#hey look i posted a thing#the absolute maddening grief of it all. like what do u mean??? thats his lil baby sister!!! what the fuck!!!#when she was a bby he was probably so protective and they were so small n they must have loved each other then#before the responsibilities ozai put on them. before all that. they were siblings. they loved each other.#until they were taught that did not matter. zuko learned that it did again#despite all the pain of it#azula actively ran away from learning it from feeling that pain#because she would rather be hated and feared and powerful than to ever be weak ever#this is so heartbreaking#i think this hits especially hard cuz me n my sis are like 2/3 years apart in age. like. i could not imagine having to fight her to the dea#i just couldnt. i rly rly couldnt
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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no new art just posting my propaganda of the week
i think everyone in the acotar series should fight over lucien bc hes so cool hot sexy cute and deserves all the love in the world and ik everone wants him!!!!!! *mwuah* <- das him getting a big fat wet kiss!!!!!!!!
#im so normal about lucien help#i want to EAT HIM#WHOLE#i need some vindication in the next book bc wym bro got his ass handed to him for no reason and his ONE FRIEND isint even kind to him#i love angst but hey sjm im gonna throw up#like he used to b so snarky and fun and then EVERYTHING happened and now hes just so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oouuu inner circle and feyre when i get my hands on you#lets b honest shes not even rly int the IC#pro lucien vanserra#lucien vanserra#no bc actually what did he do#i need someone to sit me down and bullet point list me all the reason why the ic doesnt give af about this guy i feel like im going insane
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Hi so me being me I've decided to hyperanalyze the conversation Qrow and Raven had in Higanbana practically line by line bcus I have Many Thoughts and this is the best way I can think of to get them all out. If you can't tell I'm absolutely obsessed with these two. Btw.
Thanks to the RWBY wiki for providing transcripts for every episode, otherwise I definitely would have missed smth despite having just watched this scene recently lol
I put it under the read more for easier scrolling due to how long this post got!
I immediately noticed smth in the very first lines of the interaction:
Raven: "Hello, brother." Qrow: "...Raven."
You'll notice throughout the whole conversation that Raven never calls Qrow by his name, only condescendingly referring to him as "brother" this one time and never calling him anything else. Meanwhile, Qrow directly refers to Raven a total of three times throughout the conversation, and only one doesn't call Raven by her name (which we'll get to shortly)
On the other hand, Qrow doesn't bother with even so much as a greeting beyond simply stating Raven's name
It's different ways of communicating their distance. While Raven holds her relationship with Qrow over his head — never once, even outside of this scene, does she call him "brother" with affection iirc, only derision and condescension — Qrow doesn't seem to rly know how to greet her. He hesitates before saying her name and approaching her, as if trying to assess the situation before acting
Qrow: "So, what do you want?" Raven: "A girl can't just catch up with her family?" Qrow: "She can, but you're not. Now how 'bout we get on with it? Unless you plan on keeping these [drinks] comin'."
Again, Raven seems to bring up her familial ties with Qrow as a tactic to get him to do what she wants — in this case, stick around to talk to her despite him not seeming to rly want to. Frankly, it feels manipulative. We're gonna put a pin in this for now and come back to it in just a moment
Additionally, Qrow already knows that Raven's not just here for a friendly chat between two siblings, and sees right thru her facade that it is. Raven is here bcus she wants smth from him. But interestingly, it is Raven in V5 that says, in an almost frustrated/disappointed tone, "Family. Only coming around when they need something." There's another pin; keep both in mind
Raven: "Does she have it?" Qrow: "...Did you know Yang lost her arm?" Raven: "That's not—" Qrow: "Rhetorical question, I know you know. It's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist." Raven: "I saved her." Qrow: "Once. Because that was your rule, right? Real 'Mom of the Year' material, sis."
Qrow dodges Raven's question about the Relic and instead brings up her hypocrisy in how she treats family. And it's a good point. Here she is lording her siblingship with Qrow over his head while simultaneously defending and upholding her rule that she is only obligated to help her own daughter a single time. Another pinpoint on our little conspiracy board
Also, here's the one time in this conversation Qrow refers to Raven as "sis". Like Raven's use of "brother", Qrow's use of "sis" is very pointed and with intent. But it's not to manipulate Raven, it's a snarky jab meant to rly hammer home Qrow's point
Raven: "I told you Beacon would fall, and it did. I told you Ozpin would fail, and he has. Now you tell me. Does. Salem. Have it?" Qrow: "I thought you weren't interested in all of that." Raven: "I just want to know what we are up against." Qrow: "And which 'we' are you referring to?"
A few things of note here. At some point in the past, Raven expressed an outright disinterest in Ozpin's inner circle, at least to Qrow. Qrow also feels excluded in the "we" Raven mentions being against Salem. To me, there seems to be a distinct possibility here that it wasn't that Raven felt personally disinterested in Ozpin's operations, but that she somehow felt excluded and feigned a lack of interest in order to protect herself. An idea that is further supported in my eyes by the following dialogue:
Qrow: "You should come back, Raven. The only way we'd beat her is by working together. All of us." Raven: "You're the one who left. The tribe raised us, and you turned your back on them." Qrow: "They were killers and thieves." Raven: "They were your family." Qrow: "You have a very skewed perception of that word."
And there it is. Raven's problem is laid out here for us, loud and clear: She feels like she was the one abandoned, not the one running away. She says it outright! "You're the one who left." To her, Qrow is the traitor, the one who left their family behind. If you ask Qrow (or, for that matter, Tai, Yang, and even Summer based on the scene in V9), it's the opposite
Bcus they have different definitions of family
Another thing to pin (I promise this will all become clear soon)
Raven: "I lead our people now. And as leader, I will do everything in my power to ensure our survival." Qrow: "I saw. The people of Shion saw, too." Raven: "The weak die. The strong live. Those are the rules." Qrow: "Well, you've certainly got someone strong on your side. I've seen the damage." Raven: "We couldn't have known the Grimm would set in as quickly as they did." Qrow: "I'm not talking about the Grimm. And I'm not talking about you, either."
Notice Raven's shift from "the tribe" to "our people". More of that guilt tripping!
Additionally, Raven is *obsessed* with rules. One save. The weak die, the strong live. Raven lives and breathes rules, even seemingly arbitrary ones. Guess what this is? Another pin!
Raven: "If you don't know where the Relic is, then we have nothing left to talk about." Qrow: "I don't know where the Spring Maiden is, either, but if you do, I need you to tell me." Raven: "And why would I do that?" Qrow: "Because without her, we're all going to die." Raven: "...And which 'we' are you referring to?"
Qrow's "either" here implies that he also doesn't know where the Crown of Choice is, which is... interesting. He's one of Ozpin's closest lieutenants, and is in the dark on where Beacon's Relic is? Wherever it is, it is such a closely kept secret that even Ozpin's best spy doesn't know where it is (maybe so that in the event Qrow gets captured by Salem he can't be forced into giving her the information?)
Meanwhile, Raven's "And why would I [tell you]?" implies that she does know who the Spring Maiden is (obviously. Raven's the Spring Maiden lol) but refuses to disclose to Qrow
A lantern sputters out after Qrow says "Without [Spring] we're all going to die." Now, I genuinely can't remember if this is headcanon or canon, but iirc Misfortune seems to act up when Qrow's upset. He's clearly tired of this little game of dancing around topics that Raven's been playing with him
And once again, Raven indicates a feeling of exclusion from Qrow's life in the iconic final line. She gets the final word in before leaving
We've finally reached the end of the conversation. Now what does all of this tell us?
And here is where all of those pins I wrote down are relevant. As I mentioned, the twins view family very differently
Qrow's view is pretty obvious: he views family as the ppl in his life who matter most to him. Unlike Raven, he does not view the tribe as family despite the fact that they raised him, disgustedly referring to them as "killers and thieves". It's implied that he was, in fact, neglected and/or likely abused by the Branwen tribe, saying in V6C4, "No one wanted me... I was cursed..." further explaining his distaste for them. Furthermore, despite not being related to Ruby by blood, they clearly consider one another family throughout the series, and he even seems closer to her than he seems to his niece who's actually blood related to him (I personally headcanon that he keeps more of a distance from Yang bcus she reminds him too much of Raven, who he feels abandoned and hurt by, but that's neither here nor there). Bloodlines and debts are secondary compared to loyalty, if they're considered at all. He is obviously furious that Raven only insists on saving Yang once and never directly interacting with her beyond that, despite Raven constantly guilting Qrow over abandoning his so-called "family" of the tribe. And yet. And yet. He still offers Raven a place back in his life, even if only to unite against Salem
Raven's view, to me, has been an enigma for a while. But after hyperanalyzing this conversation, after noting down all of those points of interest, I feel like I've finally cracked the code. Raven views family as an obligation, an exchange that always has an ulterior motive behind it. She seeks out Qrow only bcus she desires smth from him despite showing distaste when someone does the same to her; condescendingly calls Qrow "brother" more than his actual name and calls the tribe their "family" to try guilting him into doing what she wants; and feels fierce loyalty to the tribe but barely interacts with her daughter, only seeming to count one of the two as true family. She views the concept of family with cynicism and seems to feel an obligation to the tribe, as if she "owes" them for raising her
I think the two's perceptions of what defines family are all to do with the way the tribe treated both of them. This crosses a bit into headcanon territory, but as you can see by the above quotes and analysis, I rly don't think I'm just making it up entirely
As I already mentioned, I think it's implied that the Branwen tribe neglected/abused Qrow. In fact, we could probably blame their treatment of him for the deep self-loathing he has due to his "cursed" Semblance. But what about Raven?
Well, it's simple: I think she was abused, too, just in a different way. While Qrow was likely shown and told on a consistent basis that he was unwanted, unloved, undeserving of good things, Raven may have been shown and told she was wanted, loved, and deserving of good things... if she did what the tribe told her. If she repaid them for raising her and her brother, for being her "family". The way she uses her familial ties with Qrow as almost blackmail may be exactly the way the tribe treated her. Her obsession with following rules may stem from the fact that she had to follow the rules the tribe set for her in order to be accepted and deemed worth smth
As for her distance from Yang... honestly, I wonder if Raven is aware that Yang deserves better and keeps her distance as her way of doing that. When Summer confronts Raven in the V9 scene, Raven says, "...You're better at that life. Better than I was." She seems to have a fear and insecurity about being a good family member, a good mother, and maybe that's why she fled. Maybe she was scared of being like her abusers due to how she emulates them as a self-preservation tactic in so many other ways. Not entirely sure about this point tho
And I think too this is why the twins don't rly understand one another. They may have been unaware of the different ways in which the other was treated. Qrow, constantly unwanted and loathed, can't understand why Raven sticks around with the tribe; Raven, who obeyed the tribe and, in doing so, garnered enough of their favor to even eventually become leader, can't understand why Qrow can't just be "good", earn respect, and stay
This dissonance between the two experiences may also be completely intentional on the part of the tribe; abusers will often eliminate their targets' support systems in order to make them completely reliant on the abuser, so it's highly likely that the wedge was intentionally driven between the two siblings so that they could not find support in one another. This would also tie into why the twins seem to feel excluded from one another's lives and abandoned by one another: bcus they were made to feel that way by their common abusers, and did nothing to challenge these assumptions bcus they saw no reason to — and only seemed to keep proving one another right if they did
Which rly has some disturbing implications about how the Branwen tribe works. Like, do they just pick orphaned kids up off the street and abuse them into being perfect little bandits, molded to be of the greatest possible use and discarded if they're deemed worthless? Plus Qrow says his Semblance is how he got his name, which implies that the tribe also renames the kids they scoop up (possibly as a form of control or a way to make sure they can't be tracked down by any remaining family)? Plus there's the whole thing where Qrow and Raven were originally sent to Beacon to learn how to kill Huntsmen, which carries with it the implication that the Branwen tribe grooms literal orphan children into becoming stone-hearted murderers? What. The heck.
And if I'm right, if the Branwen tribe is that severely abusive, then like... wow, no wonder Qrow and Raven are Like That. They're both very deeply hurt people expressing it in different ways
I was considering adding their conversation at the Battle of Haven to this post, but I think that would be better as its own thing. Also I haven't gotten there on my rewatch yet so I may miss some details if I try to analyze it rn; it's better to wait overall methinks
But I have reached the point of my rewatch where we see Weiss and Whitley interact, and I think it would be very efficient to sum up what Qrow and Raven's relationship seems to be by using those siblings as a point of reference. Qrow = Weiss, actively trying to break free from and fight back against their abusers in different ways, while Raven = Whitley, continuing to do as their abusers want and have wanted as a method of self-preservation. Only, unlike Weiss and Whitley, Qrow and Raven have yet to come to a point where they can understand one another. I think that's a good way to briefly summarize the uh. Absolutely massive post this is.
In conclusion, I may have cracked the majority of the Branwen twins' pre-Beacon backstory purely by hyperanalyzing a single conversation. Oopsies
#original post#'hey hira why are you so obsessed with these two—' autism. i hope that answers your question!#ok but srsly. i've genuinely worked rly hard on this post for the past like. 3 days?#i didn't think it'd lead to me deducing all of this about the twins' pasts but here we are lol#this'll probably flop due to the length but like. i don't mind tbh! this is mostly to satisfy my own silly brain [affectionate] anyway#i'm genuinely looking forward to seeing them in v10#since the storyboard for the scrapped v9 epilogue had raven in it#i hope they somehow reconcile and come to understand one another like weiss and whitley did#tho. i have a bad feeling that even if they do it will end in one (or both?) of them tragically dying before the other's eyes#but that's not rly relevant lol#anyhow i am not sry for inflicting you all with my branwen twin brainrot. it will happen again#i'm having sooo many thoughts on this rewatch and they just keep on coming#rwby#qrow branwen#raven branwen#branwen twins#rwby9 spoilers#i hope there's no glaring errors here. i read thru this post multiple times to be sure but it's so huge i may have missed smth irjnfbpbne#character of all time tag
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me + mayhem going on a stupid silly hike for my stupid silly mental health
touched grass and i am normal again (lying)
#i will get back to drawing soon let me just sleep for a few years shdjhkfds#anyway photo credit to mayhem again i cant take pictures to save my life lol#btw the caption is obvs reference to that one hike video tiktok i think so credit to that also its not my joke#anywqay it was nice did help me a little bit#been feeling a bit down due to some personal problems ykno#and also due to not being accepted into a med uni I rly wanted to (but didn't put enough effort I'll confess) and that almost no one getsin#but i was only missing one point o(-( i was the first in line outside the capacity limit hasjkdhsahd#even tho my brain is rly small for it lets be real hfjsdfhksd but like hhsdjhshdjkhd those biches at physiotherapy baited me hdsjd#mqf i have failed you lol#also i have accidentaly gotten back into one piece as I do for like two weeks periodically every few months or so dhjsdhk#so im revisiting my olde blorbo trafalgar which is just reminding me of a fact that this was one of the fuckers my itty bitty young self -#- wanted to pursue medicine beacause of lmaoooo#bad timing one piece fixation!! bad bad!! sdhhdjshdjakshd#whatevrrr whatevr whatevr io dotn care! enough of that hahhskj#but hey as some of u may remeber im czech so haa whats up with the mountains right since we are very cute and 'down to earth' state hahaha#its cuz its actually from austria :))#we went hiking there since theyre co by kamenem dohodil as they say#fuck english has the exactly same saying im moron that ruins my whole thing hjdsk 'a stone's throw away' whatever ignore that ig hahhah#so yeah very beautiful very powerful go touch some grass lads#also they are not stones throw away i was lying but close enough-#also random czechs stop jumpscaring me in other countries challenge why was there so many of us horrible horrible horrible
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@unwaveringblade | continued
He blinked a couple times as he tried to remember the incident in question. "Monster...?" And his eyes lit up on cue of remembering. "Ohhhh, that one! Actually, he mostly just got into my hair... It hurt worse when I slipped on that wet floor at the last inn... But no, don't worry! I don't need to see a physician. It was more of one of those things when you think it's gonna hurt for days and it actually just hurts more in the moment. Like, you expect a huge bruise and it just never happens..."
Once they finally got to their room at the inn - the not slippery inn - Stahn unloaded his belongings beside the bed he'd selected, dropping them with a thud and pausing before dropping Dymlos, instead gently placing him against the bedside table. He could have sworn he heard a brief "whew" out of Dymlos after that...
"So like I was saying, lots of stuff feels really complicated and kinda off? I keep feeling like something's going on that I'm missing, but I can't pinpoint anything that's actually weird. It's mainly just a feeling though, so I was trying to think why I would feel like that. I thought about it the whole way here, but then I got to thinking about lots of other unrelated things. It made me lose my train of thought, but then I realized... you have enough brain power for both of us! If I ever have to think about something deep and important, I can just let you do the thinking, because if there's an actual answer, you'll find it! No point in me thinking about it when we'll just come up empty in mind and body! By which... I mean all that thinking made me really hungry, so there's nothing in my stomach either. Do you wanna go down to the stalls in a bit and find something to eat?"
#unwaveringblade#{ stahn verse: canon }#{ thread: 2 }#/ if stahn had as many braincells as he did hair strands he'd be completely unstoppable#and that's why he has -1 braincell for every strand#meanwhile aegis: hey what's that blond man doing i wanted to talk to him first!!!#my kids are lively... or leon is popular... oh wait.#im sorry he replied so fast on your giant reply day he got very excited to see leon...#also he rly just admitted there's not a single thought in his head so at least he's self aware! :D :'D sometimes. /
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anyways here's my boy scott free from when i was like 13. at the time i knew abt the whole tad strange theory thing but i hadn't seen The Design yet so the parallels are weird coincidences
#also these are newer drawings i had the urge to draw him randomly like a year ago so i pumped these out#lest confrontational dude you'll ever meet. scared of everything#i'm just now noticing his hat is so fucking small that's rly funny i didn't mean to do that#it's supposed to be like a mobster fedora but these were more warmups than anything so idk how well that translated#i never did anything with him either 😭 i designed him gave him a basic personality and then just left him to rot#maybe i'll bring him back. who knows.#sassy speaks#also if you're looking at him going 'hey i saw that guy on artfight' or whatever that was me lmao#my art#my ocs#WERE GONNA IGNORE RHE WEIRD NUB FINGERS TOO I CANT DRAW HANDS TO SAVE MY LIFE 💀#also drawing emotions on a one eyed character with no mouth is torture it turns out
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.
#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
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y'all who actually have partners,, what is a text ice breaker to start conversation? im really bad at it 😭
it feels important to note that when we do talk, the conversation flows great we have a nice rapport and complimentary senses of humors it's just starting the conversation that is the problem i think we are both just painfully shy 😔 (and maybe traumatized .)
#all my friends have offered is 'send a meme' which just gets me a heart react which is nice and all but i wanna SPEAK TO THEM.#and ive also done ~little random updates of my day~ which also works but on my days off i dont DO anything so i cant be like .#hey i rotted in bed all day what did you do#i feel like he's interested but shy ?? i guess ?? or maybe unsure if i feel the same way so he doesnt rly initiate#he did the other day just send me a photo of him working as a little life update which i took as a good sign :) and it sparked a short conv#i just dont know what to talk about or rather i wanna talk about literally everything but i dont wanna be annoyingggg#i dont know whats annoying and what isnt i guess is the main issue#he just got back from a 2 week work trip thing like working nonstop and normally we'd both be free tuesdays (tmrw) but since he JUST got#back today i figured it would be rude and/or seem desperate or clingy of me to ask if he wanted to hang this week#am i just crazy ?? oftentimes yes#it's also 10pm on a monday so i couldnt ask now anyway BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO JUST TALK#BUT I DONT WANNA BE ANNOYING all ive ever done in the past is annoy ppl or come off too 'weird' by just trying to get to know them#AND I DONT WANNA MESS UP THIS TIME CAUSE I THINK I DO GENUINELY LIKE THIS GUY IVE JUST NEVER BEEN IN THIS POSITIONNNNN#ITS NEVER FELT REAL#OK BYE
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just gonna put this out there: please unfollow me if you interact or follow that fob redacted dove account. i dont think its funny sexy or cute to fantasize about the boys being child predators when they are real fathers that have real children. i do not care if the kids are “not being used for these scenarios” or whatever excuse is gonna be made have the fucking decency to use fictional characters for these sick fantasies at the ABSOLUTE least. nevermind the fact that the blog owner pedaled the tiring lie that pete dated a 15 yr old. this is actually harmful and i dont want to argue about it, just go away for me thanks.
#ive already blocked the blog and some frequent interacters already#and ive gone back and forth with posting this bc i rly dont want to make this ‘drama’ for lack of better word#but i dont tolerate this. wish yall would keep this on ao3 where i never have to even stumble across it#because yes it was recommended to me! that greatly concerns me!!#and well. not to harp on it but i did see one account that was pretty clearly noted as a minor interacting with this. 🫠#some of u should have shame and not do this on a public server but hey maybe thats just me!#skulltxt
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!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]
REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#cw flashing lights#LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!!#RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!!#BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!!#MAYBE SOMEDAY.....#ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww.#i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!!#i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness#LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!!#better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT?#U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!!#im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it#BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS#WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!!#GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY.#OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON#PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!!#ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!!#IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that.#ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.
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Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics
(Part nine)
Prev. Part one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Question,” Robin says putting the last sweater on Ozzy.
“For me or the cat?”
“You dingus. Did you end up getting tickets to Eddie’s concert in Indy Saturday?”
“No, and I feel really bad. My plan was to, like, show up outside so he thought I was there the whole time.”
“… um well that’s sad. But lucky for you, that’s not happening! Vickie’s sick and won’t be able to make it. So she told me to give her ticket to you.”
“I can't just take her-“
“Yes you can. And you are. Okay? Also this is the best outfit for him,” she said Turing Ozzy around in a tiny yellow raincoat.
“Sure. And are you positive Vickie is okay with this?”
“Yes, Steve,” she rolled her eyes, “She’s the one who suggested it.”
“Okay… well you better get home. Don’t you have a sick wife to care for?”
“She’s not my wife,” she whined. The funny part was he knew everything from both sides. He helped Vickie pick out a ring in March. She got too nervous and said she just needed to find “the right time”. In Robin’s case, he helped pick out a ring a year ago.
“Not yet because you guys are too dense.”
“Yeah okay, we’re done here. Be at mine at three and we’ll leave at six. Goodbye,” she said walking out of the door.
“Uh huh love you too.”
After the big realization that Eddie may or may not like him back, things have been different. He’s been happier. Less mopey, but also simultaneously sadder in anticipation to see him again. He’ll see him next Saturday and then after two weeks, he will be back. Permanently.
~~~~~~~~~
It was Friday, and Steve was panicking for many reasons. For starters, what if Steve does something wrong? Messes up. What if Eddie doesn’t like him back and he does something stupid and ruins their friendship forever? He needs to do something. Something to ‘wow’ Eddie.
He thinks back to the other day when he painted random objects. He found a small gift bag to put his gifts in. He put the ring tray and the guitar pick inside.
Hm. There is no way this is enough. I mean sure, yeah, it's the thought that counts, however… go big or go home right?
After an hour of thinking, shopping, and thorough consideration, he had gotten 3 more things. He knew Eddie’s two favorite things were d&d and music, so he felt he should include things that represent them. He started by making a mixtape. It included songs that Eddie loved and songs that he hated (aka Steve’s favorites). He also threw in some songs that had meaning behind them. Songs that reminded Steve of Eddie. Songs that just had good memories attached. Eddie will probably make fun of him for his song choices, but he knows he’ll secretly love it. At least he hopes so.
The next item was a customized set of dice. They were red, black, and a little bit of gray. They almost perfectly matched the pick that he wore around his neck (Jesus this dude is going to drown in guitar picks).
And now we’re on the last (but CERTAINLY not least) gift. Steve needed something to be the cherry on top. When he went out shopping he spent hours looking for something. He knew what it would be when he saw it. $175 later, he had it. It was a thick silver ring with a heart on it. Yes, yes, it was indeed very corny and Steve knew that. But he didn’t care. Instead of the heart having a bow, it had a dagger going through it (it felt kind of dark, but it’s Eddie were talking about). Now while that was a top tier gift, it wasn’t good enough, he deserved more. So Steve paid an extra hundred to get an engraving on the inside. It said ‘HERO’ with bats on both sides of the word.
Second step: clothing. Now normally he would just throw on whatever felt right in the morning, but this was no normal event. He set out a new pair of black ripped jeans that he did not buy just for this occasion. He looked through the stack of new band tees that he got at the mall. After 30 minutes of debating, he chose the Dio shirt. He saw the pin on his vest (which of course, he was also going to wear) and it had the most color. He topped it off with a pair of doc martens Robin had insisted on buying to match hers.
Next step: pep talks and panic attacks. It’s going to be fine. Everything will be perfect. But what if-
Last step: sleep.
~~~~~~~~
Swipe, swipe aaannndddd… done! After applying his (he will admit it now) makeup, he spent another good 15 minutes checking himself out. I mean yeah, not for him to be, like, super egotistical buuttt he looked amazing. And for once he hoped Robin was right. Well not literally, he certainly did not wish an aneurysm upon Eddie, but he did want a positive reaction. So for now he tried to rush out of the house. He checked for everything at least five times. Keys: check, wallet: check, gift: check, and most importantly Ozzy: check. Steve was going to just blast the music to ‘prepare’ himself (let’s be honest he would have turned the volume up four notches), but Ozzy would have gotten mad and he didn’t really want to deal with that. Fortunately, he didn’t make a sound the entire ride.
After he gathered his things and walked up to their door, he was greeted by Vickie. “Ozzy!” she said cheerfully reaching out for the cat. She sounded completely fine. Not a hint of illness in her tone nor her face. She must've noticed what he was thinking immediately, “Oh um,” she cleared her throat and fake coughed. Like very sadly fake.
Just then Robin sneaked up behind her, “hey Steve,” she said looking between the two of them.
“You little bi-” he started but was interrupted by a fit of giggles from the girls. “Why?”
“Sorry,” he glared at her, “sorry! I mean it. But let's be honest you would enjoy yourself way more than I would there.”
“But-”
“Nope. No arguments. You are going whether you like it or not. Plus, you need to shoot your shot,” she winked while imitating a basketball player.
“Ew, gross,” he rolled his eyes, “never do that again. But thank you”
“Of course, now go help Robin. She’s been staring in the closet for an hour.”
“Hey!” Robin shouted, “it has not been an hour… maybe 45 minutes at most! But yeah I do need help so c’mon now.”
He went to the spare bedroom quickly to drop off his bag and the gift, then ran to Robin’s. He briefly glanced through her side of the closet before picking out an outfit. Say what you will about Steve, but when given a style, he has a great fashion sense.
“Great! Perfect! Now follow moi,” she said, handing him (more so throwing it at his face) a makeup bag. She sat down at her vanity and smiled. “What? Stop looking at me like that. It’s not my fault you're better at it than I am!”
“I didn’t do anything,” he said, raising his hands, “I feel honored.”
He got about halfway done before Robin started again, “How did you get so good at this anyways?”
He sighed, “short story or long?”
“We have hours.”
“Okay, so I was about seven, I think, and my parents just decided to start trying the whole neglect thing,” Robin gawked at him. Okay maybe not funny, “But they knew I was still a little kid so they hired a babysitter. Stephanie. They switched babysitters about every other month, until I was eleven-ish. She was the only one who was actually nice to me. They had been gone for about a week when she decided it’s a lot of work to drive back and forth, so she just started to stay at the house. And I should mention that Stephanie was the me of the ‘70s.”
“A total slut?”
“I am not a slut! …but yeah I guess,” Robin snorted, “stop moving! So anyways, she was on dates constantly.”
“Steve, that is the textbook definition of a slut.”
“Shut up! So one time I was following her around just watching her get ready for the date. And then she started curling her hair, and ,of course, doing her lovely makeup. So I started asking about it, and she ended up doing mine. That was the reason my dad fired her by the way. I loved it though. It made me feel like a different person. One day I asked if I could do hers and… I definitely did it. She ended up going on the date looking like… Frank-n-furter on steroids. The guy got one look at her and left.
“I just started practicing after that. On her, myself, and even Carol. So yeah. Now we’re here.”
“That wasn’t really a long story.”
“Yeah, but it was uninteresting.”
“I don’t think so. I thought it was sweet.”
“I guess,” he glanced at his watch, 4:49, “we have about an hour, what shall we do?”
“We shall go get something to eat. There’s a new diner downtown. It supposedly has, like, no wait time.”
“Are our outfits diner appropriate?” he said, gesturing at himself.
“We’re in Indianapolis, Steve,” true.
“We should probably get going then.”
“We shall,” she stood up and bowed down, holding out her hand.
“Shut up,” he said, grabbing her hand.
For a product of Indiana, the diner wasn’t that bad. And yeah, the service was fast (but a little too fast). They ended up going to the venue extra early. There were already hundreds of people there. Keep in mind that the concert started at 7 (it was currently 5:32). They started to walk around the general area of the arena. They giggled as they saw a group of girls that were jumping up and down discussing their massacre crushes on all of the members. (“Ooh Steve look out, you might have some competition”) They spent the remainder of their time, sitting against a wall, gossiping. “I knew I never liked Julie. She was always oddly obsessive over things. I was also friends with her ex at a random summer camp, waaayyyy to good for her.”
“Thats kinda what I thought. To be completely honest, the principal hates her. She's probably going to get fired soon.”
“Good,” he face randomly lit up, “Oh. My. God. Steve! I forgot to tell you!” Robin gasped grabbing onto Steve’s hands.
“What?”
“Nance called the other day. It finally happened!” she shrieked
“What happened… oh. Oh my god really?” he immediately knew what she was talking about. Around ‘89 all of the older teens/ young adults all started placing bets on when they thought Will and Mike would get together. (Nancy and Argyle: 2-4 years, Jonathan: 2-4 months, Eddie: 10-13 years, and finally the winners Robin and Steve: 6-8 years)
“Yes! So we won! What does that make the ‘queer count’ now?”
“Too many.” From their knowledge the count was around 7 (assuming yes, Eddie was gay) but it was most likely way more. They looked around and saw that everyone around them was walking inside the arena now. They followed them and after about 10 minutes of waiting in line, they were inside. And oh my. It was huge. Their tickets were for the general admission, so he grabbed onto Robin's arm as he tried to push his way to the front of the crowd. They managed to make it and held onto the metal barrier like their lives depended on it. They were not moving no matter what happened. Now they just had to wait. Again.
“How y’a feeling?”
“…fine? Why?”
“Oh no reason. Maybe that your husband is finally coming back from war and you get to do something else besides staring out the window in self pity,” she said, clasping her hands over her chest, before immediately grasping back on to the barrier.
He rolled his eyes, “Weird analogy, but no. I feel fine. I mean, I’m more excited for the two weeks to be up. He’s only going to be here for two days.”
“Sure, but still. I’d be bouncing off the walls if it was Vickie.”
“Yeah, but you’re Robin. We are not the same.”
“I feel like that was an insult,” she turned to face Steve, “how much longer?”
“About twenty-ish minutes,” Robin groaned and buried her face into his shoulder. They stayed just like that (minus the constant “time?”) until a group of people came out to test and prepare a few things on the stage. 6:53. At this point neither of them were standing still. Most of the lights were starting to turn off when the staff walked off the stage. 7:00. “Ready?”
“Maybe?” She said, grabbing onto his arm. Then just like that, there they were. More specifically Eddie. Eddie was back. Eddie was here. The whole crowd started to go wild. If they were this loud, wait for the music.
Eddie walked up to the main microphone, “Feels good to be home,” again, insanity erupted from the crowd, “okay, I assume you guys know the drill by now, so tonight is my dedication. I’ve decided to dedicate this concert to my best friend, Steve,” the band all gave him disapproving looks. Oh wait.
He turned to look at Robin, who was already looking at him, “That’s me!”
“That’s you!”
“So yeah,” Eddie continued, “uh he’s been there for me when I needed it, and if I don’t stop talking I’m probably going to cry. Anyways love you Steve and let’s get this party started!” Steve chose to ignore that comment for the time being. Robin decided otherwise, grabbing his shoulders and jumping up and down.
“Don’t have a chance my ass,” He went to shush her, but the music did that job for him. Yep. Loud. It was amazing though. He was completely mesmerized by the entire performance. Especially the last song. It was a lot softer, he liked it. But then he really listened. He immediately knew the meaning. It was beautiful. How could Eddie never tell him about this? It was perfect. He remembers the whole conversation that it was based off of too. It was just because of something dumb Dustin said that set him off. He told him every last detail of his life that day, and that’s where the infamous Invisible Man sprung.
Before he knew it, it was over. “That was amazing,” Robin said gawking at him, “but we should definitely talk about how he-”
“Later. But, agreed. Worth the migraine, ten out of ten.”
“Well, let’s go find your man,” she winked at him. She was so weird. But it’s not like he didn’t run around to the back to find him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next
UHH FINALLY???? Took me long enough. I am so so so so sorry abt the delay. If y’all didn’t see the post, my metal health declined for like a singular day and then I just kinda gave up with motivation for a bit. But then I did finish, and I went to copy it to paste it here and I deleted the whole thing. But I do think it was for the better bc this is way better then it was. But yay? I just now realized it’s kinda long. I wrote like the majority of it yesterday and today sooooo kinda rushed. I also only reread it once because I feel horrible for not posting. So sorry if it sucks. But y’all liked the incorrect quotes so I’m glad for that. I really do want to personally thank every single one of you. You reading means the world to me. I could not be happier. And the first part is also now up on AO3! I’m going to wait til the end of the fic to post on there. But yay! Hope you guys enjoyed!!! Comment or reblog if you want to be tagged!
Tag list: @asbealthgn @queerbeansworld @bird-with-pencils @vecnuthy @artiststarme @captain-winter-wolf-aehs @piningapple @rowendyss @steve-themom-harrington @lfaewrites @azreadytodie @thequeenrainacorn @pastel-dreamscape @importanttimemachinenerd @jehneeg @swagaliciousmarie @mightbeasleep @krazyperson @milkshakeflowercreator @fando-random @bumblebeecuttlefishes @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 (<<special thanks to you for helping me a bunch throughout this fic <3)@fluffyreturns @scheodingers-muppet @wonderland-girl143-blog @briceslayed @youaremylobster @juststeddiebrainrot @pr3ttyb0yindie @scarlet-pandrian @drips-from-breaking-bones @plasticcrotches
#um hey again#I am alive despite popular belief#hope y’all like this one#I just redid like a whole chuck of one of the parts before doing this cause I hated it#anywho#BYLER#I needed it yk?#I cant write a fic w/ no Byler#yip yip#I’m so happy I did this#look at me go! I didn’t delete the whole thing#progress guys#I rly like the new layout I did#real tag time#steddie#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#joe keery#joseph quinn#rockie#steveddie#steve x eddie#eddie x steve#steddie fic#teacher!steve#rockstar!eddie#robin buckley#yip!#s4jks lyrics
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see the problem with all of the puzzles in bg3 is like. sometimes the player (me) is stupid. and at least in a real dnd game you might get the dm to take pity on you
#the number of ‘’walkthroughs’’ that i’ve found that don’t actually. help#they tell you the map coordinates or whatever. what about if i cannot physically find what you’re talking about AT THOSE COORDINATES#or cannot figure out how to get to those coordinates (like when i spent three days trying to find karlach)#i’m in hell. actually still having a very hard time getting invested and like. not rly enjoying this game lmao#I AM PLAYING ON EXPLORER MODE AND SOMEONE GOES DOWN IN ALMOST EVERY COMBAT#also just. open world syndrome a little bit#too many quests that apparently i can’t actually move forward in yet. and too much open space#making me feel like. i need to go explore and grind when i just want to finish the quests i already have good lord#idrc about exploring every corner of the map. at this point???#tried going into the mountain pass and it was like ‘hey you’re really low level. reconsider <3’ and im like#literally WHAT is there to do for me here#(it wanted me to go to the underdark. which i figured would progress the story so i was trying to find lae’zel’s crèche while we’re here??)#also on a non gameplay note#inSANE that all of the questlog items for daughter of darkness list her and i having interactions that We Did Not#got to act 2 and she’s like ‘hey i worship shar btw. this is supposed to be a reveal’ but like. the quest log told me that immediately??#was i not supposed to read that?? she never told me that she wanted to join the justiciars. i never gave her the idol.#but it said all of those happened???#maybe i’m biased bc my first save was trying to play as her but it REALLY feels like they’re pushing her to be the main character#like. kinda sucks how she’s the only companion you can check in with and say ‘how do you think we’re doing’#and these fucking controls#why are the items hit boxes so weird. my cursor is a centimeter away and yet it still highlights something#the label isn’t actually next to the thing it’s describing so holding the alt key does nothing to show me where it is#god forbid you try to point at something through an open door#the fucking. camera angles. impossible to see what i’m doing or where i’m going because the trees and walls and shit keep getting in the way#straight up not having a good time#but this was a lot of money and i’ve heard it picks up#when tho#also the fact that i rly like wyll and he’s got like. nothing. id heard he has less content than other origins but#didn’t realize it was to a noticeable extent#maybe it’ll pick up and give him more to talk about once i save his dad. please god
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explodes explodes EXPLODES /POS
#okie hi hey hi. first of all we loved the house WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!!#still have to do final checks but holding deposit is paid we are ON OUR WAY!!!!!!!!#second of all we just figured out that my gf was friends with my old childhood best friend in college#i cant believe it the coincidences r piling up and theyre WEIRD 😭#i knew my old childhood best friend went to the same college as my gf and i did and we almost reconnected#but just bc of timings / who we were at the time we didnt#if we had i wouldve met my gf years ago#what the hell man 😭#and omg old childhood besties little brother is so grown up now#and kept up his passion for dance and is doing rly well and im so happy for him :(#WEEPS AND CRIES AND THROWS UP I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!#valentina talks
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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