#the things I put myself through for this damn game I was not built to be a dataminer

[arolesbianism]

Whats up oni community guess who just spent literally all day figuring out how to get access to oni sound files

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM BEYONCÉ'S COWBOY CARTER *  assorted lines from the album, some slightly adapted, adjust as necessary

nothing really ends.

for things to stay the same, they have to change again.

hello, my old friend.

you changed your name, but not the ways you play pretend.

do you hear me?

let me make myself clear.

can you hear me, or do you fear me?

can we stand for something?

now is the time to face the wind.

can you stand me?

this isn't the time to pretend.

they used to say i spoke "too country."

they don't know how hard i had to fight for this.

goodbye to what has been.

you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

i had to leave my home at an early age.

i'm not in my bed.

i gotta choose myself.

i might cook, clean, but still won't fold.

i'm still working on my life, you know.

only god knows.

i got art to make.

i got love to create.

they won't dim my light.

i had to sacrifice and leave my fears behind.

you'll remember me, 'cause we got something to prove.

i will lead you down that road if you lose your way.

i'm born to be a protector.

even though i know someday, you're gonna shine on your own.

i gave water to the soil, and now it feeds me.

there you are, shaded underneath it all.

i feel proud of who i am.

i first saw your face in your father's gaze.

how many times have you let yourself get down?

be fond of your flaws.

i just hope you love yourself like that.

i really hope the best for you.

you're my love, my sweetie pie.

don't let go.

lay your cards down.

i'll be damned if i can't slow dance with you.

don't be a bitch.

there's a heatwave coming at us.

i give you kisses in the backseat.

you make me cry, you make me happy.

just toss it.

they couldn't have me and they never will.

sometimes i hold you closer just to know you're real.

sometimes i take a day off just to turn you on.

i could be your bodyguard.

you should let me ride shotgun.

you know how people like to start shit.

someone better hold me back.

i'm warning you, don't come for my man.

don't take the chance just because you think you can.

the games you play are nothing new.

you don't want no heat with me.

i know my man better than he knows himself.

shoot your shot with someone else.

i'm warning you, woman, find your own man.

i have to have this talk with you.

i really tried to stay cool, but your arrogance disturbed my solitude.

look what you made me do.

if you cross me, i'm just like my father.

you say move a mountain and i'll throw on my boots.

how does it feel to be adored?

think about leaving? hell no.

time moves quickly, and so do i.

i don't need anything.

here's to hoping i'll fall fast asleep tonight.

i need to get through this.

i came here for a reason, but i don't know the purpose.

time heals everything.

i'll be your backseat baby.

been a while since i haven't tried to pull away.

come here, you sexy little thing.

baby, you play too much.

i'm looking super hot.

i'm a fucking animal.

every time you know just what to do.

no one ever got me going quite like you.

girl, i wanna take you home.

they won't be around.

i hope that you know that once i loved you.

history can't be erased.

got you up all night and now you don't wanna leave.

how can a true love go so wrong?

put on a show and make it nasty.

let me sink into your arms.

i died and someone brought me back to life.

i plan to steal your heart again.

who am i to judge?

i will carry on.

baby, i've been waiting my whole life for you.

wherever you wanna go, that's fine with me.

all i see is the best of you.

i'm gonna give you the best years of your life.

you owe me a debt.

i hated you once.

tap me on the shoulder when you reload the gun.

i know they're looking for me.

i fall to pieces each time i see you there.

it don't matter what nobody says.

we can take back roads.

just say what you need from the store.

i'm coming home.

take that shit on the chin.

have mercy on me.

this house was built with blood and bones.

i need to make you proud.

[bullet-prooflove]

Keep A Pocket Full of Hope Prompt List

My ask box is almost empty so fill that bitch up!

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also read the rules and do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

How many lines can I cross till I feel myself bleed

I know our stars were meant to align

You say you're fine but I don't think I believe it

If this was your last breath, would you waste it on me?

Looked like an angel dressed in red

Girl even if it was just for a season It was you for a reason

From the silence of the speakers, To the bow in your hair, To the sweet smell of perfume, That's hoverin' in the air

Speak of the devil, well, she's right here in this bar

I needed a woman to hold me An angel to know me

See I'm tired of searching for someone that I used to be

Well, I'm trying not to love you But I’m dumb enough to try

Sold me on love, got a night instead

To the faintest of moonlight, Peakin' through the blinds

Wishin' I could find the words to say

I don't know, but it's late, so I'm taking you home

It feels like I'm falling again but I'm already on my knees

Be the angel that comes down and picks up my heart

And your the man Who can't stay out of my DMs

Tonight I'm gonna put it on the table Gonna leave it all out for you 

My dress is short, my hair's too high

She's gonna find another one to keep her warm

Well I thought you could fix this but it's in the way I bleed

Well, since the world took you away from me I've been countin' down the days

But I'm gettin' pretty tired, These little games you play

Would you mind if I asked you on the phone?

Don’t get it twisted, baby I’m only a little bit crazy

Where do I go now when all that we built is on fire

I can't seem to keep a guy

I was lonesome as leaves when the trees lay them down Then I looked up and laid eyes on you

If I told you that I didn't need you, well that would be a lie

A darkness is raging in your mind and light ain't coming through

Hand on a hotel bible, swear you're still that girl

Standing in your window, middle of December

Times change but I'll always remember

I didn't know the one thing I was needing But you knew it right from the start

Where we get so damn close, But you, you up and walk away

The man that I loved back then he is no longer you

Will you be strong and keep holding on?

It was heaven when I saw ya, one hell of a goodbye

Well I’m trying not to call ya But I’m dumb enough to try

I wanna spend my life with you

I don't know where I'd be without you

Cause you and I know That I could live a lifetime in your light alone

If you choose to love me or if you Choose to leave again,

And you were the reason why this Place felt like home

Strike a match, light a candle and curse the darkness

I couldn't fathom life without you

Been down that road when we lock eyes And I'll be damned if happens twice

And I would love to love you But my body's keeping score

When I saw her hold that other hand It's like I saw a ghost

We were just strangers when we met Felt like we had forever

Tearing up them hotel rooms, breaking girls' hearts in two

Now I’m pacing in my bedroom Like a man that’s lost his mind

Well, I broke her heart on a Tuesday When I spoke the word "goodbye"

It's been a while since your smile reached for those eyes

[castleinthemist]

OK finished misericorde vol.2 and been able to sit with some of it for periods in-between play that's allowed me to stew on it. This is going to be a messy collection of thoughts mostly due to the nature of this vol. Yeah spoilers ahoy of course i'll try my best not to reveal the final twist though

So, as i've already said, the music is so good. If the dev grew in confidence over the course of composing for the first volume, that confidence is back in full swing for a really cohesive and deeply enjoyable round 2.

Many times i've wanted to liveblog moments as a reaction but i really wanted to forgoe liveblogging it, even if i did end up having some parts.I think my more severe responses to moments haven't been posted up yet so

can we talk about angela and hedwig i have been fucking dying to talk about them and their whole situation they have trusted themselves into (but in hedwig's case maybe not fully understood). Like. Angela just coming out swinging in this almost hypocritical fashion of 'hey these women are just going to use you for your body as a cheap game they started with catherine and I (unlike them) will give you what you desire but dole it out in measured ways to you because i am above that while i see a self in you i am not like that nor will i treat you like that' and it's fucking WILD. it's wild. it's so juicy both for the interpersonal relationship and the mostly implied or unsaid aspect of that but also yeah woo yeahh woo nun yuri like in a way i guess she has actually perhaps fallen for hedwig (hurray for her pathetic demeanor being utterly captivating) as we can surmise from her pain near the end (oh am i going to lap up whatever drama comes between these two in vol.3) BUT LIKE IT BEING BUILT UPON each other trusting their judgement, it's so good, so good she had hedwig on a fucking leash, that knife turned her on or whatever, the butt flash? prepared to keep her under her sway like it doesn't even feel devious, perhaps it starts off as just keeping her in check but damn. goddam. it's hot it's really fuckign great character writing, the pain hedwig feels over the whole thing, conflicted through her faith and understanding of it (aquinas says it's sinful. hildergaard says it's sinful < LIKE AAAAAUUUUHGHH) AND THIS:

That isn't even all i could get into the whole 'hedwig realising she's a lesbian thing' but there is much there that could be discussed and i am far too tired to get into the weeds of it, and ill equipped to boot to really figure out how i'd want to talk about it too.

anyway

THEY JUST FUCKING DROP that catherine was stabbed twice before death. HELLO?? i feel like hearing that information rejigged something in my brain...was it mentioned in vol.1 at some point? i wouldn't put it past myself to believe that hedwig did forget that information but like. it severely narrowed down suspects to the obvious nun who wields and dagger and knows very well how to use it. except. well. eustace was always right.

unrelated but laughing at moira just dropping she absolutely knows how to cleanly cut of limbs and she says this as lightly as one might ask about the weather. excellent stuff and if i was to still suspect anyone, that at the very least had me still suspecting her up until tatiana spoiled the fun (hehe)

THE EYES THE EEEEEYYYYYYYESSSS did vol.1 have eyes...i feel like it might've. the fact they only start appearing AFTER hedwigs uh...trip? i guess we'll call it. Is it like. symbolism of voyeurism? her exhibitionist habits shes developing? someone looking at the narration? something haunting the space? the words? the fact that only we (the audience) can see these things. tatiana having no eyes revealed but the world being covered in eyes? the general effect of hedwig being overwhelmed by everything new and being observed as part of that? It comes and goes and i have to wonder what is the "trigger" for it because one scene will fade it in and another might have it for a few backgrounds then none at all.

There's many small things i've tried to keep mental notes on: eustace knowing what hedwig's whole anchoress deal is, the reaction the bishop had at the end 'you are here to keep the devils at bay' or something...? hedwig's whole...other self that manifests after her trip...the way hedwig reacted to words of the scripture/rights (fainting again...much like in vol.1? there is something to that perhaps).

i think there are things earlier on i may have forgotten that i wanted to talk about but ah well. the latter half of the game sticks in my mind more. Was glad to get more margaret in this one she feels the most elusive and hardest to grasp of the lot. Oh i guess the mention of catherine having really red hair strikes me as particular but hmm not sure what to make of it.

i suppose my biggest question isn't what's going on with our mystery narrators/editors (hehe) but rather...who was hedwig telling this story to?

EDIT: FORGOT about the swordfucking. amazing stuff. holy shit.

[xshybutdeadlyx]

Questions for the demiromantic and demisexuals out there

Ok, so I've recently found this term thanks to an aroace character from a show I watched. I knew of the sexuality but I didn't really know the specifics because I always thought I was bi but now looking into it I didn't know how aroace was like a literal umbrella and there was so much more to it then meets the eye. Which I'm 30 I feel like I should know more than what I do. But with doing research into it trying to understand it better, I learned about all the terms, and I learned about demiromantic and demisexual and it really resonated with me. But I wanted to ask for advice, I guess? Like I like romance I love reading it seeing art and what have you but when it comes to romance for myself I'm not a big fan? And maybe it's because I literally have to unlearn so much romance equals a, b, and c when that's not really true. I literally been in only one relationship in my life and it consisted of hand holding small kisses (no tongue, honestly I have an ick with spit and the only reason I "wanted" to do deeper kisses with the boyfriend I had at the time was because I felt like it was a requirement) but I honestly didn't feel attraction towards him until after getting to know him and being friends with him for months well into almost a year. And he's the only one I ever felt that way for I hardly ever had crushes or when I did I almost kinda forced myself into having them if that makes sense? It was "natural," and every kid was supposed to have crushes. Nothing ever came from the "crushes" though.

Now, like I said, I'm well into my 30s, and the relationship I just mentioned was the only relationship romantic wise I've ever had. I have had strong feelings for two of the friends I have but one friend is straight as they come and the other is married lol the one that is married though we have a strong bond that I wouldn't trade anything for. She tickles my hand, and she lets me cuddle her all the time, and we just spend nights just playing games together, just like when we were in high school. I love her so damn much, and I'll cherish what we have even when we are both dead and gone. She is my forever person.

Sorry, I went into a mini rant about my platonic love, but she's the best, and when I start talking about her, I have to gush lol, but anyways back to my sexuality crisis

So anyways, when there is even a chance of someone having an interest in me, I honestly kind of freak out. Or like if someone tries to set me up with someone, red neon flashing warning signs pop up for me. I don't know that person, and honestly, I get put off by big romantic gestures. Like, I appreciate it, but I don't think it's necessary? Can we just go get McDonald's, sit in the parking lot, and just shoot the shit? Play some games? We can watch movies or shows too.

I've also been on the dating websites and such as well, and I'm just always immediately put off. "Hello beautiful," ugh. "Insert pickup line here." please God why. "Unsolicited romantic or sexual advances right after a day of talking." Haha, no. There was literally one guy I thought was cool and we kinda flirted but it was really just talking everyday about the games we were playing I feel like if given time a connection could of been built but he ended up finding someone else immediately. Which honestly was fine I was kinda bummed but like if he wanted romance immediately, I wasn't gonna be giving that to him. I wanted to still be friends, but apparently, we had "too much history," so he ended up blocking me. lol oh well.

I've also literally only have had two "crushes" in like in a 5 year time span (only because this is what I can remember lol) one of em was so goofy and seemed so fun but then it seems like they turned out to be very self absorbed instantly done the other had baby mama drama wasn't into that. Honestly, those things seem to be things that could be worked through? Maybe? But once I just see something off-putting, it's all I see, which seems more like a personal thing because of past traumas.

As of now I'm honestly content with no romantic relationship but I feel like I do want one but I don't want one with just anyone and it just doesn't seem like many people out there are willing to wait or willing to be friends first and want to hop into relationships immediately when I very much don't. It takes me a while to be comfortable with people, and I want to get to know them as a person.

For a long time I felt like I just wasn't doing things right or that I had to actually change something that I was doing. I thought I was wrong or that I should just force myself into the uncomfortable situation of being someone's girlfriend immediately but then if it turns out I just don't have those romantic feelings then there the whole process of hurting them which is just anxiety inducting.

Also, with all that I'm saying, it does go into the demisexual portion, too. I've still never been with someone sexually because even in the one relationship I have had, I haven't met someone I've trusted to give myself to. The thought of one night stands or anything of the like just makes me wanna crawl into myself. I don't mind anything sexual but I want to be with someone sexually that I trust and care about with my whole being, not some dude Craig or some chick Wendy from Tinder. I'm content with that, but a lot of the times, I'm almost made to feel bad because I haven't done anything sexual. But boy, can I read all the smut on Ao3. Like it all in theory, but dunno about in practice lol I just don't have much of a drive in general, but I don't know if that's just because I've never been with anyone before? I keep getting told, "As soon as you're with someone, your sex drive changes," and like, does that shit really happen? Lol

All in all, I really feel connected to the terms demiromantic and demisexual. Even when I just said I'm bi, it just never felt right, but for once, I feel like I finally found something that I felt connected to and finally found me. But I guess I also wanna feel like I'm right in assuming so? I dunno I feel like it'd be disrespectful in using a label that isn't really you? Which doesn't sound right because everyone has the right to find themselves, and sometimes people go through a list until they finally find themselves, which is what's happening to me right now. But my feelings also just get jumbled up and I have a hard time distinguishing what's been conditioned in me, like how you date, you get into a relationship, ya do couple things, then you get married ect. When all I wanna do is get to know you, really know you, then actually date but even then I feel like a lot of my stuff is more on the platonic end? Like, I like cuddling and kissing, and I do like romance but on a more tame level? I kick my feet when reading "he bought her all these extravagant gifts then he swept her off her feet and dipped her into a kiss" so cute but like if I was actually in that situation like bro put me down for real and I'm so awkward when given gifts lol

I dunno I'd just would really like to discuss this with others who have found themselves because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I've talked to my friends and they of course support me and love me but I feel like they don't really get it? And my family just chalks it up to " Ya just don't have a lot of experience it'll all change when ya get out there and mingle with people"

Thanks in advance for reading all this if ya made it this far I know it's a lot of word vomit as I like to call it but I don't have very organized thoughts and I just kinda write what I'm thinking in the moment lol

[hand-written-dreams]

CRIMSOM SHADE

Chapter 04

Dangerous Games

Trigger warning

Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you.

Some of them want to get used by you.

- ( The song of the chapter is ''Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics)

Everyone needs to learn from Khushi Sen Gupta how to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It's practically her speciality now-a-days.

It's like she has a knack for getting caught up in situations she shouldn't be anywhere near.

If she ever writes a book about her life, she would name it "Idiot's Handbook of How to Be in the Wrong Places Willingly." She's certain people would line up to read it. After all, how many mob daughters have the audacity to expose their chaotic lives for public consumption? It could even top the charts, if she manages to live long enough to put it on paper. But right now, survival feels like a long shot. With the way things are spiralling, she's not even sure she'll make it out of this evening alive, let alone back home in one piece.

Her gut twists into a tight knot as each unsteady step brings her closer to the deserted construction site, likely once intended for a farmhouse. Her footsteps echo eerily in the silence.

The grim-looking, dilapidated, half-built structure and its rusting steel beams loomed on the outskirts of the shady neighborhood. It only has roofs and pillars, with no walls around it. The ground is uneven, littered with debris, discarded materials and overgrown weeds.

She prides herself on her intelligence, but right now, all she can think about is how unbelievably stupid she is. A world-class idiot. The type who, despite her intelligence, follows the instructions of a stranger on the other end of the line without thinking twice.

''How did I let myself get dragged into something so reckless?"

In her defense though, she was trying to believe in humanity. Damn it.

Maybe she's just overthinking it. Who would even bother to set a trap for her? She's a nobody. If they were to kidnap her, then they might secure a hefty amount of ransom from her father, but that would clearly be a death sentence for them. Nothing is more valuable to his father than his reputation, not even his own daughter.

For her father, it's less about her safety and more about his obsession with control, over his men, over her, over her actions, over the leverage against her.

She has long since stopped feeling disappointed. It leaves her in a space that hovers between fearless and reckless.

Just like how she told her father she was heading to the shopping mall. Then She slipped away before his goons could catch up. She did this enough times to earn nothing but disapproving glances from him.

Shaking off the distracting thoughts, she squares her shoulders and moves toward the half-built structure as quietly as possible. The gravel crunches beneath her shoes. The site is spine-chillingly quiet, save for the occasional groan of shifting metal or the distant hum of the city, muffled and distant.

As she makes her way through the debris and broken equipment, her heart pounds, her hands feel clammy. The air is heavy with the smell of dust and decay, so is her breathing. Her chest feels tight, weighed down by the unnerving vibe of her circumstances.

Once inside, she takes shelter behind a pillar. Pressing her back against it, she hides while sharply scanning the area, her eyes darting for any sign of movement.

Khushi opted for a bold red shirt today, feeling unusually daring. The vibrant hue gave her an unexpected surge of confidence. She paired it with a high-waisted, faded jeans and pulled her hair back into a high ponytail. A pair of oversized sunglasses sit on her face, an attempt to hide her identity just a little. Her favourite sneakers are on, ready in case she needs to make a quick escape.

She takes her sunglasses off, slipping them into her jeans pocket. The thought that this might all be a trap refuses to leave her mind, making it nearly impossible to focus. It's like gnawing at her.

Before, she never had to worry about someone trying to trap her. But now? Didn't she just unintentionally make an enemy? Yeah, she made an enemy out of an enemy. Brilliant.

Do the Eagles really care enough to lay a trap for her? Just last week, she walked right into the den of the Eagles, had a face-off against the notorious Vulture and came out intact. She knows they have no interest in igniting a mob war. If they did, Arnav Singh Raizada would have exposed her little stunt that very night. But he didn't. He let her go.

But what if he changed his mind?

Shit, why didn't she think of that sooner?

It still stuns her that she was at the mercy of Arnav Singh Raizada.

The Arnav Singh Raizada.

He had her pinned against the wall, her own knives at her throat. And yet, he let her go. In fact, he even arranged for his manager to drive her back to her dorm.

Unnoticed, unharmed.

The walk from his door, down the stairs, and toward the front gate felt endless. With every step, she heard her heart pounding in her ears.

What did he say?

That he owned her.

That he'd collect his debt.

Fuck.

How could she possibly repay someone like Arnav Singh Raizada?

At the gate, two guards blocked her path but immediately stepped aside when a shadow from the first floor loomed over them. She glanced back. There he was, standing in front of a glass window, one hand in his pocket, and with a flick of his fingers, he motioned for the guards to let her pass. His eyes were never not on her.

A surge of overwhelming rage pushed aside her irritation, embarrassment, and mortification.

A man came out from the bungalow beside the main building, dishevelled, as though he had haphazardly thrown his clothes on.

"Hello, Miss Gupta, I am Aman Mathur. I'll be your driver today," he greeted her politely, a little breathless. He had an unexplainable calming aura about him.

Khushi couldn't help but offer him a small smile. "It's okay, you don't have to. I can manage."

"Oh, trust me, Miss Gupta, both of our lives would be a little easier this way." At the implication in his voice, her eyes snapped to the figure still watching them like a hawk. She felt her lips set in a hard line as his twisted just a little at the corners. And it's gone as soon as it appeared. Her fist clenched mirroring the anger in her eyes.

"After you," Mr. Mathur led her toward a car and, like a true gentleman, opened the door for her. Taking a deep breath, she went in after sparing a last glance at the first-floor window.

The entire ride had been a blur of disbelief. Disbelief at her own audacity. Disbelief at her failed attempt. Disbelief at how close she'd come. And most of all, disbelief at Arnav Singh Raizada.

A cool breeze brushes against Khushi's skin bringing her back to the deserted farmhouse, sending a faint tremor down her arms, goosebumps prickling her flesh in response. Yet, it's not the chill that unnerves her, it's the unsettling stillness like the air itself is holding its breath.

The sun hovers low, on the verge of slipping beneath the horizon, casting just enough light to stretch the outlines of the building into dark, haunting shadows across the ground. The fading light appears to play tricks on her eyes, making the shadows shift and twist as if they possess a life of their own.

She looks down at her watch.

5:38 PM

It's way past the scheduled time set by the informer. Her hand hovers over the Glock 43 in her pocket. It's a gift from her father on her twentieth birthday. She's never had to use it before. But never say never, right? That seems to be the ongoing theme anyway.

She's a minute away from walking away from all these shenanigans. The urge to run, to abandon it all, tugs at her stronger with every passing second.

The crunch of gravel beneath someone's shoes sends her nerves into overdrive. Her hand tightens around the gun. Just then, her phone buzzes in her pocket.

She soundlessly puts the phone in her ear.

"Are you here, Miss Gupta?"

"Yes."

"Where are you? I don't see you. Did you come alone? Did you bring the money?"

She feels a pulse of anxiety at his questions. "You'll only get the money after you tell me what you know."

"Miss Gupta, you can come out now."

"I'm not moving a damn inch until you explain why you brought me here," she demands firmly, her voice steady despite the flutter of nerves in her stomach.

He pauses, the silence stretching between them. "I'm unarmed. Please come out so we can be done with this."

His tone is almost pleading and she can hear the underlying desperation. The shadows around her feel alive and she knows she has to tread carefully.

She peeks around the corner of the pillar to see a young man with his hands raised above his head, a gesture of harmlessness. Maintaining her grip on the gun still in her pocket, she steps out.

As soon as she comes face to face with the guy, his eyes widen. His face twists into horror as if he has just seen death in front of him. However, his gaze is focused on something or someone, behind her.

Everything happens in a blur.

She feels a rush of air brush past her hair. The warmth still lingers in the air. And the man drops to the ground with a gaping hole in the center of his forehead. His eyes are still open.

"There you are, Bitterheart."

Her breath hitches.

He is here.

With his fucking deep and deliciously husky voice, that has whispered the dark secrets of murder to her, not too long ago.

The voice, dipped in poison and sin.

It has entwined itself around her thoughts and refused to let go since their last meeting.

"Sorry, I am late. I have been looking for you everywhere. " The barrel of a gun presses against her forehead as his breath trickles her ear. "Really, Miss Gupta, A red shirt. You look like a target even from a mile away. You should have just worn black."

She spins suddenly pressing her gun at the level of his heart as she comes face to face to face with the vulture.

Molted chocolate meets her hazel brown.

"And you should have stayed out of my business."

His eyes narrow slightly, though his face remains stoic. For a few tense moments, they stand in complete silence, just guns aimed at each other, eyes having conversation in secret codes.

He smirks without any amusement reaching his cold orbs. Before she can react he presses a certain point in her gun and the magazine just falls down.

She huffs. Great. There's no way she's getting on her knees in front of him to pick it up.

"You have a unique way to say hello." He cocks an eyebrow at her.

"We both know you're not sending me to heaven anytime soon like you did with this poor soul, Mr. Raizada. So, could we stop pointing weapons at each other every time we talk?" she suggests, pulling back her magazine-less gun.

"The taste of your own medicine is pretty bitter, isn't it? Make sure next time, to toss in a sprinkle of humility. Might help it go down a little easier."

He steps into her space, invading it completely. She feels the urge to take a step back but holds her ground. He trails the barrel of the gun down her cheek, then her neck and presses it in between her breasts. The material is cold against her heated skin.

The scent of his cologne, mingled with his sweat, is intoxicating. It wraps around her like a dark cloud. His face is close, so close that she can feel the heat radiating off his skin. His breath against her skin is warm as well, a stark contrast to the chilly wind swirling around them. Even in the dim light, the sharp flecks of orange and green in his chocolate brown eyes seem to ignite, burning through the darkness.

"There are places on your body I know better than you do, Miss Gupta," he says as his free hand slides around the back of her neck, forcing her to tilt her head upward, his grip strong. "Places you've never even heard of. Places that need only one touch from me." The gun rests heavily against her racing heart. "To send you straight to heaven or hell."

She holds her head still, refusing to break eye contact. His hand cradles the back of her neck while he towers over hers. His voice drops dangerously low. "Not everyone who dies goes to heaven, Miss. Gupta."

Duh, doesn't she know that? It's just a common phrase people use.

The grip tightens ever so slightly around her neck, a silent threat in the way his fingers flex against her skin. "Don't ever make the mistake of thinking you know me," he murmurs. "It might be your last."

"Is that a threat?" her eyes narrow.

"Does it sound like a compliment? "

What the fuck does he think he is?

Years of enmity boil in her blood, intertwining with the unsettling realization that this man not only possesses the fruits of her hard work but also has the audacity to manhandle her. He's the one who has shot her informer as well.

Her heart hammers in her chest, like a hummingbird. She grits her teeth, fighting the urge to snap at the sheer arrogance rolling off the man in waves. Her breathing speeds up as her lungs struggle to keep pace with the adrenaline surging through her. How is it that every man she meets seems determined to prove they're the biggest jerk in the room?

She steps into his personal space this time, pressing her hands against his solid chest. Her fingers splay wide as she shoves him with all her strength, forcing him to stumble backwards.

Triumph flares within her as she catches the fleeting surprise on his face. In a split second, he steadies his stance, moving with a grace that might have impressed her, if he were anyone else. But she isn't finished yet. She charges at him again, only for him to catch her wrists, guns and all, in both hands. In one swift motion, he presses her against the nearby pillar, pinning her hands above her head.

Irritation, frustration, and a wave of overwhelming rage surge through her as she finds herself right back in the same infuriating position.

She tries to knee him between the legs, but he senses her move, swiftly blocking her leg and locking it in place with his.

She seethes at him, eyes blazing with fury. Her voice drops to an icy growl as she spits out her words through gritted teeth, "Never make the mistake of thinking you scare me. It might be your last as well."

His jaw tenses. The air between them crackles. The tension is so thick as if the atoms have come alive. He remains cold and unyielding, while an unexplained fiery heat surges through her veins setting her skin on fire.

"Believe me, Miss Gupta, the urge to kill you is fucking killing me right now. But you are more useful to me alive than dead. And I promise you, when your purpose is served, the last face you'll see before you die will be mine. "

He releases her wrists and steps back, sliding his gun into the waistband of his dark jeans. Meanwhile, she messages her sore wrists, shooting daggers at him.

Khushi's mind erupts with a whirlwind of curses, each one sharper than the last. She bites her tongue, barely holding back the barrage of insults ready to spill from her lips. She has a whole dictionary of words she could use right now.

Arrogant prick, Cold-blooded Bastard, jackass, douchbag, Evil Monster, Son of a ---no, too mild.

You fucking piece of shit, self-obsessed, vile, three-named motherfucking rakhsas. Fuck you and fuck your twisted God complex and your smug little threats, you egoistical Asshole.

The flood of fury pulses through her veins. She mentally cycles through every foul word she's ever known in any language. The urge to unleash those curses claws at her throat, each one begging to be set free.

Despite the seething rage that fuels her every thought, she feels an involuntary tug of curiosity pulling her gaze toward him.

And against her better judgment, She lets her eyes wander slowly, tracing the sure, steady fingers up to his forearms, exposed beneath the rolled sleeves of his black shirt, each one roped with muscle. A tattoo on his left forearm, she couldn't make out that night is now visible, peeking through the fabric.

A burning rose.

She shifts her gaze from his broad shoulders to his face. The stubble lining his sharp jaw defines his jawlines even more. It casts a shadow over his high cheekbones that models around the world would weep for.

It's infuriating to think that a man who looks like he steps off the cover of a GQ magazine can be such a colossal asshole. Such a waste!

Growing impatient, she scans the area, noting the absence of any other living souls nearby. Great. Here she is, at an abandoned construction site, with a notorious asshole from a rival mob family, who has lured her out here for a reason.

"Why am I here, Mr. Raizada?" she demands, frustration lacing her voice as she grapples with the chaos of the situation, desperate for clarity. "Why did you bring me here? And why did you kill your fucking pawn?"

He crosses his arms over his chest. "I didn't set him up, but he played his part brilliantly. He came here to tell you that NK is one of the Eagles and that he's underground now."

Her mouth falls open in disbelief.

"Why did you kill him then, if you were just going to give me the information yourself?" she exclaims, arms thrown up in frustration.

"He was breaking the rules."

"And you aren't?"

"I am the rule, Miss Gupta. No one dares to cross me."

She suppresses the urge to roll her eyes at him. Best not to push her luck too far today.

"I wanted to meet you without setting off any alarms," he says after a moment. "That's why I let him lure you out here instead of killing him somewhere else."

"How considerate!" She taps her feet on the ground, turning her head to look at anything but him. "Why do you want to meet me?"

"To talk about the hacker you mentioned."

"What about him?"

"You are under the impression that I've brought something from him." He met her gaze evenly, or at least as evenly as possible with those eyes that always seemed to be dissecting her every move.

She fixes him with a piercing glare, her eyes narrowed to slits. "I don't just have the impression. I know you have. I hacked his server. It all leads back to you."

"Except I didn't even know who he was until you so kindly enlightened me."

"Right. And I'm supposed to just believe that?"

"Yeah."

"And why's that?"

"Because I haven't killed you yet." His eyes are hard and dangerous.

"Yet? What's stopping you from doing it right now?"

"Well, as much as I'd love to, I don't feel like starting a war today. Despite our families' little blood feud, the truth is, neither of us can afford a war right now, especially with the CBI continuously after our tails."

She doesn't want to believe him, not for a second. But then, why would he go to such lengths to meet her here? The gears in her mind start turning.

"You don't have the evidence?" she asks eyeing him suspiciously.

"No."

"So you're saying someone went to the trouble of elaborately framing you, even down to forging transaction details, knowing full well anyone could trace it back?"

"Something like that."

"And why would he bother doing that?"

"I'd love to know that too," he states shrugging his should, eyes still locked on hers.

Frustrated, she crosses her arms over her chest, watching as Mr. Raizada's eyes flicker at the action before landing on hers once again. "So now what?"

She wants to snap at him and instil some manners in him. Staring at a woman like that is very rude, Mr. Raizada. Instead, she just stares right back at him. Hard. Two can play the same game.

"You're going to work for me."

Author's note: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Things are really starting to heat up, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on what's going to happen next! Any guesses on what's in store for our love birds?

Until next time, stay awesome!

<previous>| < next>

@arshifiesta @featheredclover @phuljari @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @chutkiandchotte @msbhagirathi @titaliya @arshiradio

[mountmortar]

as someone who only ever beat four swords adventures. can i hear the lore on why the newer games are annoying. if you dont want to get into it in public though i totally get it lol

OKAY SO LIKE. let me put this under a cut.

so me thinking the newer games are annoying is a personal thing. i'll put that out there to begin with. i completely understand why they're games that people love a lot—for people who like open-world games with lots of exploration and building shit and whatnot, and don't really care for games that have Plot and Stories and Meaning behind them, they're probably damn near perfect games.

but like. MY main problem with the games, specifically (which could be easily ignored if not for my MAIN BIG PROBLEM WITH THE FANDOM which i'll. get into after this), is that while i will concede that they may be Good Games to those who play them (i watched a playthrough of breath of the wild Once and am currently trying to get through it myself and not only am i bored to tears but i hate the art style and when i say the soundtrack fucking sucks. the soundtrack Fucking Sucks. like it is legitimately the WORST fucking game soundtrack i've ever heard in my LIFE which makes doing anything in the game absolutely unbearable to me) they are, absolutely, terrible ZELDA games.

the legend of zelda franchise for almost forty years now has built up a series dedicated not ONLY to exploration within the game, but also music and wonderful stories that each game tells. like pokémon, in its own way—but even in pokémon, when the story is bland (xy, swsh) or just plain bad (usum) you can always count on it to have a great soundtrack. breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom took both "plot" and "music" and just threw them out the window. the overworld music in breath of the wild is nothing except a few piano notes every five minutes. the battle music when you encounter an enemy is the most boring, lackluster shit i've ever heard in my life (AND THE MUSIC FOR THE BOSS BATTLES IS SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE). basically imagine pokémon legends arceus except instead of all the wonderful overworld music we got for all the different areas, you just have dead silence. that's pretty much what running around in breath of the wild is like.

and the story? get ready for the blandest characters you've ever met in your life. you will not get attached to a single one of those cardboard cutouts. anything that adds meaning to the story is locked behind paid DLC which automatically makes it not even worth my time or money. basically, breath of the wild was like "what if we took the original legend of zelda from 1986 and its sequel from 1987 and added modern mechanics to it. and throw in a new plot that isn't even worth getting attached to." i would literally prefer playing those old 2D games over that game. their plots were entirely constrained to the game manuals because they couldn't fit them into the actual games themselves because they were 80s games and they were STILL more interesting than botw/totk.

but whatever! it's not a big deal. i can ignore the games. it's not up to me to dictate what people should and should not play as part of a franchise. again, people love the games for a reason, and that reason is usually because breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom are like "what if legend of zelda but throw in some minecraft elements about it". like....okay. WHATEVER!

my problem is with the fandom. the Giant Portion Of The Fandom That Has Only Played BOTW and TOTK and NOTHING ELSE. you literally cannot escape it. you know the types of people that spam the tags of every game in their game series just to make EVERYONE look at their post about One Particular Game? yeah it's like a literal army of those people. i MAINLY stick to posting about the older games from the 80s/90s/early 2000s (i.e. four swords/four swords adventures, the original legend of zelda + its sequel, a link to the past, the minish cap, ocarina of time/majora's mask/etc etc etc you get me) and everywhere you look there's somebody doing everything in their power to bring botw/totk into it/spamming the tags with botw/totk posts/just spreading blatant misinfo regarding the older games???? because they've never played them???? and like whatever i can ignore that too but i mean!!!! at some point it just gets so ridiculously irritating!!!!!! basically it's like. do you know how the pokémon company keeps bringing kanto into literally every game somehow + will not stop with the charizard hype to the point where everyone is sick and tired of charizard. that's pretty much what's happening except it's botw/totk. and i am so tired of hearing about the metaphorical charizard HAHAHA

[breakbeatbun]

i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars

tags on this post for context

i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.

that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!

around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.

at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!

today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.

IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together

[0cta9on]

Hoya there bud, pray that things ease up over there😚, got quite a number of ask/tell so I will be doing it all in one ask

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🗨️1. Question: What are you looking for in creating complex characters and relationships that you want in a story? Is it like how character A personality could click together with character B (Like Intimidated looking but klutz girl get couple up with compose looking but a teasing guy)🤔

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🗨️2. Comment: Just saying, you making me go down bad for Eunha🥵, When she's in Gfriend, I only see her as a cute idol that's all but ever seen their Viviz debut, Gyaattt daym she's hot 🔥 the epitome of both cute and sexy combine into one person👌🗿

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🗨️3. Comment: I really enjoy your blurb of Eunha, sometimes a blurb (as short as a couple of paragraphs and short dialogue) already satisfies me. Kinda reminds me of this, NSFW Tag game: sex positions: https://ggidolsmuts.tumblr.com/post/655847569294049280/nsfw-so-you-lost-a-bet-and-posted-that-you-wanted

💫Just for fun hehehe: You walk upon your housemate with an unintended morning wood, How would you start your day?

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🗨️4. Comment: Here is Minji contagious laugh

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFW3GRot/

Such a ethereal and cuddly girl to have that contrasting laugh was phenomenal 🤣, Watching minji clip always reminded me of your work, Just imagine Yuno amused shocking face after experiencing first hand her really genuine laugh 🤭

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🪶To end this off, and yet again, I am truly thankful for your time and energy and attention on my humble messages, you probably got a lot on your tab already but I really appreciate every moment of it. Hope my long ass message doesn't pressure you🥲 cya✌️

Hello mikeylo!! Thanks for the asks!! Will probably be a bit long, so I'll put a divider here :) (Listen to Pat Pat by Eunha :)))) )

I think it really comes down to my lack of planning. For smuts at least, I think of scenarios first instead of relationships, so I end up worrying about if the characters are interesting enough or if the entire story is focused too much on the sex. There was actually an ask that caps had where they started out with interesting pieces of dialogue first and built the story off of that, which I wanna try in the future as it looks very interesting and makes for better character development and interactions (evident in all of caps' works tbh). A little bit of a spoiler but one of the things I'm working on has a throuple in it and I could easily write a bunch of hot n trashy threesome sex, but I thought it would be better if I explored how each person interacts with each other outside of sex and potential issues that could arise from feelings like jealousy or favoritism.

2. EXACTLY, Eunha has always been the epitome of cute and sexy imo. Even though Gfriend mainly did "cute" concepts, there were still a lot of times where Eunha was just naturally sexy. I'll leave a couple pics here to prove it :)

omg I remember going absolutely feral when she first did the bloom performance. And all of Eunha's Mago outfits are so GOOD gah damn.

3. I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I'm still looking for a perfect story to write about Eunha, anything less than perfection is a disservice to my girl. I remember reading those NSFW tag games when I was just a reader and it's a bit unfortunate I was too late to do them myself, they seem like fun to write. Anywho, here's another little blurb;

After a night full of drinking and partying, you're at the part you hate the most - waking up with a hangover. You stumble into your living room wearing nothing but your boxers and see your roommate, Eunha, sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal in her lap. At this point, Eunha is used to you walking around in your boxers; what she's not used to, however, is your massive morning wood bulging through the fabric. Seeing you in your pitiful state, she decides to lend you a hand - more accurately, a mouth - and pulls your waistband down, taking as much of your cock into her mouth as she can. The sensation of her lips sucking your length is enough to make you forget about the pain in your head, and before you know it, you're shooting your cum down her throat. As you catch your breath, you can't help but think how lucky you are to have such a helpful roommate.

4. Omg I love her laugh so much, she's so cute I can't :,) There may or may not have been a time where I listened to her "I Love You 3000" cover on loop... Anyways, I cannot wait to write more cute shit for UD, thanks for the inspo, it helps a lot :))

[hiccupfound]

On Hermione killing Draco in Jagged

i’ve always wanted to give my explanation for this, but i fell out of fandom before i got the chance. tonight i was scrolling on my fandom tumblr, trying to find a gif to show my brother and sister in law, and i passed a jagger excerpt. one thing led to another, and i ended up reading the chapter after draco came back. (ch 30 i think?)

i know that some people were truly outraged on my choice to have draco murdered. a lot of people claimed it was out of character, and there’s a good amount of evidence for that, sure, but i think there’s a fair amount of evidence to show that it’s just as much in character as well.

originally, draco was supposed to live. originally, drarry was going to be end game. originally, abraxas was never supposed to come back to 1998, but sometimes you write the narrative and sometimes it writes itself. jagged was the story that taught me that maybe i’m not an outline type of author, because the final product deviated from the original idea so much that it was more frustrating than helpful.

admittedly, very much of the writing in jagged was therapeutic for me. a lot of hermione’s inner dialogue, self hatred, and “selflessness” are things i either see in myself or wish i could be. she’s far from a perfect character, but she’s powerful, level headed and smart. she doesn’t have many weaknesses revealed, not even when we spend half the story in her point of view. tom makes note of that several times when we get to his pov— that he has hermione on this pedestal, that she seems like some sort of impenetrable force.

but at the end of the day— hermione has dealt with extremely traumatizing situations that she had spent the better part of a year repressing. not only that, she was thrown back into 1998 quite suddenly, and even though we don’t see it in tom’s pov, it’s not hard to imagine how triggering that must be. hermione can put on a mask of indifference but at the end of the day that’s all it is— a mask.

i knew very early on that i was choosing the route of a dark order. the order has always been dark (its war, there’s really no moral high ground, despite what harry was brainwashed into thinking).

i felt very particular about how i wanted to pull this off. i didn’t want it to seem sudden or out of the blue. i also didn’t necessarily want “dark” to mean evil, because i feel like in jagged each and every character can be made out to be evil if you break down their actions in different lights. (this is a completely different essay)

draco’s betrayal was always a very dark spot for hermione. it brought on torture that she wore as proof of his disloyalty in her skin everyday. regardless of his actions or his orders, she thought this for years. she built resentment on it. is it logical for this resentment to play a part in her decision once she knows the truth? absolutely not. but that’s the thing, the moment draco steps into grimmauld place, logic has taken a backseat in hermione’s brain. she’s riding purely on emotions. she knows this, and yes, she has the wherewithal to recollect herself if she wanted to. but she doesn’t. it’s like she told remus. draco is her line.

second, hermione would have never, ever watched draco be tortured. damn the plan, damn the betrayal. she would have died to stop it. she would have gotten them both killed, probably. the point is, she couldn’t have lived with herself if she stood for hours and watched it happen. and with that knowledge, and knowing the pain she suffered through and that draco was able to stomach watching it the entire time… well, it was enough for her to not want him around anymore.

also, this was a last stitch effort for remus to prove his loyalty to her. i didn’t realize it at the time, but hermione and remus’s relationship mirrors jude’s and her step father’s from the cruel prince quite a bit. if you haven’t read it, (what are you waiting for?) the main thing you need to know is that they have an endlessly complicated, painful relationship wherein the love they have for each other is not stronger than their need to fight for what they believe is the greater good.

hermione viewed remus like a father, but that wasn’t a one sided relationship. remus loved hermione endlessly like he would his own child.

yet he still took a “calculated” risk. she was tortured and almost killed because of a decision he made. a decision he never planned on telling her about.

remus says he would do it again. and hermione knows it’s the truth, and in some ways she respects him for it. she’ll always be a soldier at heart. but it also solidifies his spot in her life as someone that will never, ever be family to her again. because hermione wouldn’t risk remus’s life for anything.

so she uses draco as leverage. remus sees draco as mostly innocent. his life lies in remus’s hands. he has to choose. hermione’s side, or draco’s life. it’s vindictive, yes, but hermione has just spent the past 4 years using manipulation to get what she wants. as a reader, it’s not a side of her we get to see a lot (aside from when she’s torturing michael, which admittedly, was meant to be foreshadow to this exact moment)

as an author i could have done a better job throwing in more unpredictable or emotional behavior on her part. but at the time, i really wanted this to be a turning point, not just for the order, but for hermione herself. this is kind of her first selfish decision in a long time. the first time she chooses something simply because it’s what she wants. as readers you may say, “her selfish act was to take a life?!” and to that i say, yes. yes it was.

i wanted hermione to be irrational just because. i wanted her to take her power and abuse it a little. we read stories about strong female characters with endless powers who fight and win big wars just to settle at the end in the name of morality or being the better person.

i didn’t want hermione to settle. i wanted hermione angry because she deserved to be.

of course there are arguments against why she didn’t, and of course logicially killing draco wasn’t the decision that made sense. but that’s the thing, hermione is a flawed character. she doesn’t (and won’t) make all her decisions based on logic.

women deserve to be angry. women don’t need to forgive.

jagged hermione doesn’t need to explain why she wanted draco dead, but as an author, i wanted to.

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

[waytray]

i just watched the first episode of act 3 of arcane season 2 (episode 7)! i cried and vocalized the whole time!!! spoilers under the cut

i'm so fucking terrified for what happens to viktor. i'm going insane. god. what a good episode. this is one of the greatest shows i've ever seen!! i feel like my soul is exploding. it was so cool to see silco again, and his line about 'the greatest thing someone can do is forgiveness' or something like that was so good! and my god, it was so CATHARTIC to hear ekko say that he had given up on jinx/powder! that was literally my only issue with him in my eyes. his only character flaw! i'm happy he had that character development. and the ekko/jinx shipppers really won in this episode hehehe~. man. and the arcane aliens are so cool! i love how spooky they are, they really inspire me. and it was cool to see jayce create a leg brace for himself that was just like viktor's. just.... please..... i need viktor to be okay. i think it would be so cool if... somehow... ekko was able to bring them to a reality where they all survived. i thought that coming out of act 2 and now seeing it in action, and the way episode 7 has built up to what jayce does at the end of act 2, i really hope that's the story's direction. but i have no clue! i mean, we know in canon (the lore, league of legends the game) in some way shape or form viktor is living and alive as the machine herald so i really couldn't see him being *dead*. but damn! i'm excited (and scared!!) to see how it goes! okay. onto episode 8. wish me luck. update: i SCREAMED!!!

AS. PARTNERS!!!!!!!!!!!

toxic jayvik shippers really won with this one ehehehe~

when i saw this i audibly said 'no fucking way.' because i thought he was in the bloated creature! yay!! so this is Arcane's version of machine herald viktor. he's so pretty!!

THIS HAD ME SOBBING!!! YALL WERE RIGHT! (i had heard a theory after watching arcane S2 act 2 that viktor was the cloak guy). talk about catharsis!! my favourite character done justice! ;o; ToT i can't express how much it means to me. when i thought he was the bloated guy i thought to myself 'he's been doomed by the writers, abandoned by the writers.' i'm so glad it wasn't true! "in all timelines... in all possiblities" and the flashbacks to them happy as partners (and as jayce as a child) I AM SOBBING MOOOORE

MY BOY!!! MY BOY!!!! HE'S GOING THROUGH SO MANY EMOTIONS IN THIS SCENE! I AM SOBBING!

"you must go, Jayce" he says. and then jayce puts his hand on his shoulder! my beautiful boy ;o; oh my baby ;o; he looked so close to tears, all those breaths he was taking with his chest. so overwhelmed, so much running through his mind.

HE GIVES HIS WRIST GEMSTONE TO HIM. ToT AAAAAA TO START THE CYCLE AGAIN! :O "we finish this together" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! head touch! (;o;) oh i love it...... (;o;) (;_;) <3 update: i've finished watching! wow... what a series! ;o; i didn't like that vi referred to herself as dirt though ^^; and i bet jinx and vander are in one of those vents cait was looking at the diagram of for the hexgates. and i wonder where viktor and jayce went in that flash that turned into a rune!! obviously we know viktor became the guy in the cloak, but what about jayce? i hope we get to see both of them in the next series.

[nhlhoser]

On The Rocks - 33

4 years later I post !

Master list Chapter 32

(Author note - read if you will it's been ages since I've updated - ZERP EDITTING I NEED THIS OUT OF MY HEAD)

Read @ 2:05 am

###

2:30 am illuminates my room in blue from my alarm clock as I toss my dry phone on my bed and try to cool my annoyance. I'm not exactly pacing my room but I am definitely moving around it quite a bit as I try to busy myself with the task of tidying.

Tossing clothes into the hamper with the built up frustration. The need to clean my room growing as the state of my room registers for my brain -- depression pit. As the need to sleep doesn't appear to be a concept my brain can understand, might as well get this tidied.

Clearing out all the bits and pieces of medical supply's out from around my bed is cathartic. A small step to being better and moving on from this shit once again. My earlier 'conversation' with my dad tries to pass through my conscience but is blocked by the need to clean my room. Every section cleared is a small ounce of control of my life returned to me.

The majority of my room now clear is a great breath of fresh air. Flicking the light on in my closest to start in there next; just some clothes on the floor and shoes scatter. A visual of the lack of time I've give myself to keep my shit together. Tossing the clean or dirty clothes into the hamper not carrying to check and rather just re-wash something than deal with it.

A bundle of dark blue fabric catches my eyes as I arrange my shoes on the rack. It's tucked in a odd place and must of been there for a bit as I have definitely haven't been down to this leaving in a while. Grasping it in my hands and unraveling it.

It's the shirt that I bought myself after that person spilt beer on me at the leaf game. It must of fallen out of my hamper and been kicked aside. Flipping it around and see the back for the first time; 'MATTHEWS' is a startling visual. I thought I had bought a blank one but I also was rushed. The first thought it to toss it in the trash but that's just being dramatic.

The fabric is soft in my hands as I place it in the hamper with more care than any article of clothing I've tossed in so far. The soft spot for Auston always finds its way. Moving on to the other loose pieces of clothes through my closet doesn't take long and I'm left with a mostly full basket and finally a urge to lay down.

Stepping out of the closet (The urge to make a joke here is strong - KATIE) and standing at the foot of my bed - my unmade and could use a sheet change bed - drums up a feeling of dread. My room is so close to be clean but the sheets need to be changed.

I can't sleep in my bed and the couch feels like admitting defeat (to whom I'm not sure of). Glancing at the clock it shines back brightly with '4 am'....yikes. No time like the present to start the first half of the task to make my bed.

Stripping the my bed of all the bed is a better feeling then I was prepared for and made it easier to start the trek to silently trek to the laundry room and dump it in the wash. Then I can admit my defeat to the couch.

The stairs are a breeze with one small hiccup with loosing some pillow cases to the wind (yeah i am speed). Recollecting the cases, I make it down and beeline straight into the laundry room and dumping the fabric right into the washer. The damn 'Matthews' flashes past as it falls in with the assorted fabrics.

Syds "Either direction you go it's the right one" and Steph's "be kind to yourself" are thoughts that bounce off each other and the other offending things taking over my brain. I fish the dark blue shirt from the washer- ending its journey to being clean with the rest of the load. I stare at it like it's going to give me answers to the question I haven't thought of yet.

I go to cast it back in but the thought of it leaving my hands feeling symbolic to some thing bigger than itself. I'm definitely putting too much control in a shirt. A pull in my stomach prompts me to pull the shirt closer to my body as different paths race in my mind.

My sweet lovely Nonna who instilled a majority if not all of my beliefs in life. Who gets me. She doesn't push. She listens. She doesn't judge. She's more logical than emotional. Going to her would be going to comfy, peace , and easy.

Easy...

Auston a boy- a man. A hockey player. A good and very popular hockey player..and man. He's emotional, more than he may be even aware of. He's moody. He's unpredictable. I work his team!

I exhale through my nose and finally toss the shirt back in and mindlessly finish loading and starting washer. Pouring an unmeasured amount of detergent directly in the to basin and gently closing the lid.

My Brain mulls over the beautiful scenes of the last time I was living with my nonna. The healing I had to do and the healing I need to do again.

Again...

Trauma is a fickle thing. It's such an unsteadying experience, to live life going forward to suddenly going backwards.

Am I going backwards though?

I take stock of my self staring into the glass lid of my washer as the basin turns and the sound of the wash rushing in soothes over my ears. My body aches with tension from frustration and general recovery. This all feels dramatic. My appendix nearly or did burst? I'm not even clear on that. My throat is buzzes with the memory of screaming at my dad. A small sadness folds over my heart. He just wants to help.

I'm not the broken teenage he sent off last time.

I'm not broken and I've grown.

The smalls positive thought helps pull me from the trap of thoughts and help guide me to leave the laundry room. Carefully navigating my dark home and avoiding the tripping hazards somewhat successfully.

Seeking my Cocoon of blankets and false protection on the couch once again. The length of the day weighs my eyelids as i start to settle into the couch. Sleepy yet not ready to sleep.

The unanswered and unacknowledged text nags me again just as I fully set into position.

This isn't being kind to myself.

I have a perfectly good bed upstairs that I just cleaned and just needs new sheets. I rolled myself carefully off the couch- taking the blanket with me as they remain wrapped around me. I silently haul my goofy looking self up the stairs and back to my room. The sight much more pleasant now that it's more clean.

Foregoing the new sheets I just crawl on to the mattress and into the pillows as in - fuzzy blanket cocoon. Suddenly the most tired and ready for sleep I have been in a while. So many thoughts that stay unfinished finally dissipate enough for my mind to let rest be an option.

Just as I huff out a breath of ready to let sleep take over. My phone starts to vibrate at the end of my bed. A call coming in - a call that means that who ever is calling; called me went to voicemail immediately then called me again to override my do not disturb settings.

Slapping around the mattress until the device I smack the glass of my screen. I see Austons contact taking over the whole screen with the time into corner 5:30am.

I stare at it like it's going to bite me.

I stare until the call disconnects. My screens lights up with the notification of 2 missed calls.

I ignore it in favour of re-position myself in my pillows and lay my phone on my chest. The tiredness train having now left the station without me.

My phone buzzes one more time with a text this time.

From Auston:

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I've been unpredictable and a 'moody little shit'. I need you know how much of a breath of fresh air you have been for me.

My stomach pulls this time not the stitches. It's something emotional and wrenching.

I impulsively hit call and the phone barely rings before Austin's deep voice comes thru.

"Amelia.." his tone is breathless almost desperate. What this man does to me. How did this happen?

"Auston.." my raspy pitchy voice sounding horrible. Especially after a lack of us and some drinking. "It's 5:30" unsure what to say I site the clock.

"I know. I'm sorry I just- I just I couldn't not say that now. I need you to know that there is something. I don't know how to be vulnerable.." he sounds so sounds so sad and like he's walking outside. The early morning Toronto bustle evident behind him.

"What are yo" I had to pause to cough a bit and clear my thought "what are you doing, Auston"

"Hoping to catch the girl" he pleads.

I startled as " no, why does it sound like your outside?"

"I am. I was hoping you could let me in"

My brain short circuits and my heart leaps with want.

"You know the code," and I hang up. I stare at the ceiling.

Am I dreaming?

Confirmed that nope I am wake when I lug myself up and all my aches do call out. Even with the code someone needs to let him in.

Not ready to part with my blankets I trek downstairs once's again. Pleasantly surprised at the ease in mobility and a tab but giggly?

My emotions are going at neck break speed as I pace the area between the kitchen and living room. Pulling the blankets tighter as an anxious shutter rips through me at the thought of Auston Matthews being at my door at any second.

I check my phone and he really should be here soon if not already. I move forward to check though the peep hole. The sight before me erases the doubts and dread I was feeling in front of the washer.

Auston stands with his back to my door. His hands alternately between ruffling his hair and resting on his hips. He looks like he's amping himself up? For what?

Feeling more bold than I have been I open the door. Clearly starling him as his head whips around to catch sight of me standing in the door way, blankets wrapped tightly around my head and body. Just my face and feet really showing.

There's no words and a lengthy pause as we take each other in. Auston in a dress pants and a hoodie ? He looks sad and tired. I can't look much better but when he looks me over his eyes grown fond.

"Snug as a bug," are his only words and tiny smile.

"You wish you could be this snug," the smile sneaking onto my lips as well.

"I really do," in the same second I open my cocoon as he steps forward. The cold fabric of his hoodie snaking under the blanket and encircling my mid section. We pull each other closer as if trying to crawl into each other.

He carefully steps forward to guide us into the apartment where's it easier to fully embrace. The most secure I've felt in ages. My eyes water at the sensation and then over flow when of one his land hands grasp behind my beck and fully just holds me to him. It's so easy to relax into his frame knowing that he'll support my weight. I tuck my face into his neck and inhale the scent of him I've memorized unknowingly.

It's easy..

My body stays in the moment enjoying the sensation of his firm body against mine. Dependably and steady.

My Brain however fixates on "easy"

It's so easy to love him.

My insides get hit at the realization and my breath quickens with panic. I pull back to separate myself from the panic but I'm caught in his gaze. His eyes are so deep and open. He's look into me with an intensity. I realize the position of his hand must mean he can feel my racing heart.

Oh god Oh god.

Peace. My brain just melts as Auston squeezes with just a bit of extra pressure at the points of contact. The hand on the back of neck caresses forward into my cheek before pushing both the blanket and my hair off my face.

"I mean it, Amelia. You have been the breath of fresh air I didn't know I've been needing. You have treated me with such kindness and I appreciate you. I'm sorry I couldn't express this." He stares into my eyes a mixture of intensity and vulnerability. A touch of sadness washes over his expression as a tear finally drops from my lashes and runs straight down my cheek to his hand that rests below. His thumb comes up to wipes its trail away. My lips quiver as the urge to fully sob shakes up my spine.

Auston pulls me closer and tucks his face into my neck. Breathing in my scent and squeezing for just a second. He starts to soothe a hand up my back and pulls back to kiss my forehead his lips are hot and linger before he fully pulls back.

"Let's get you somewhere cozy" He runs both of his hands up my arms and soothing them back down. I pout as he makes more room between us.

" but I am cozy," the words coming out bratty and without my control. He chuckles this deep sound that is like a purr to my ears. The resistance and heartache I was feeling before gets tucked at the back of my mind. I let myself be guided to the couch and Auston awkwardly positions himself a small distance from my designated spot in the corner of my couch.

This new spot has one small side effect - the early morning sun cuts in and illuminates my face and his. Both of our exhaustion becoming evident.

"Have you slept?" He reached forward and tilts my face to better examine the darkness under my eyes.  I stare at his darkened features that reveal that he may not of either. "Have you?" I countered lightly with a small smile well being sure connect my eyes with his.  He shakes his head but stares deeply.  The hand that tilted my faced moves to enclosing what feels like the entire side of my face. The distance becomes smaller and less awkward. 

Auston pauses inches from my face searching it for something.  I slightly narrow my eyes trying to figure him out but catching his gaze drop to my lips and return to my eyes.  Something strong wraps and roots itself around my heart as I realized that he's not just taking a closing look.

I blink at him for a second for bring myself closer so when I nod my head with approval our nose knock each other and he matches our lips together in feather light kiss.  Almost more teasing than anything before I press mine lips to his with purpose.

His arms encase me as he maneuvers his way over me softy laying me back as to kiss me fully. My hands brace his face, feeling the roughness from the 'playoff beard'.

My brain clears and my heart beats.

He paused the soft motions of his lips against mine to slowly pull back and kiss my cheek. He carefully moves me easily to be on top of him as we both lay on the couch together. Being sure to pull me close. My head lies on his chest and I hear that his heart matches mine. Blushing I turn my head to kiss his cheek but end up kissing  just below his jaw softly.

"Just one more" he whispers so delicious gruffly before kissing more deeply. His tongues brush's my bottom lip so subtle I almost missed it. A shiver runs through me as I hold him closer.     We pause with our lips together for a moment enjoying the closeness before separating. Wordlessly I tuck myself between him and couch half in his chest. My head his shoulder and right arm rubs my back and into my hair.  His left arm wrapped around me holding me to him.

There is no panic for the first time in a long time as I drift off to sleep.

[sigmundite]

my thoughts on dawntrail (SPOILERS)

FFXIV twitter has decided the spoiler embargo for DT is mostly over. While I'd like to share my thoughts about the expac there, I figured it was all too much for a tweet thread (and I was right). Decided to post it here because it's a blogging platform and I keep telling myself I want to come back one of these days.

To put it simply: Dawntrail is fine.

I love power of love/friendship storylines so the fact we got a shounen protagonist in Wuk Lamat was something I enjoyed. Shounen stuff tends to be dragged out too long for my tastes so I haven't dabbled in any of those fandoms, so I don't know if people hate modern shounen heroes with as much vitriol. I think I'd have seen it if they did? But the Wuk Lamat hate is a classic case of misogyny with a transphobia multiplier because gamers sure do enjoy stat boosts.

DT is the ARR of whatever the new direction of FFXIV is. It became clear to me during this MSQ that this is a commitment to a new beginning - specifically in the sense of 6.1 as a fresh starting point for new players. I understand and respect their desire to simplify new player onboarding (especially as someone with too many alts) but it's also the center of the pain point I have with 6.x and DT so far.

I'm frustrated with the direction of FFXIV in its current state. The Hydaelyn/Zodiark arc took one main story and built upon it over multiple chapters. I loved that arc and have varying levels of fondness for the characters and places that got us through it. I am the CEO of #FREEAYMERIC and will continue to be a pest about that as long as I play the game*. Aymeric was always a favorite of mine, and I've never forgotten his wish to go on an adventure with WoL someday. I want to take him up on that!

But DT follows SHB's example of planting WoL and the Scions in a brand new setting, far away from Eorzea and all its creature comforts. Norvrandt was still reminiscent of Eorzea, but beyond that focused on characters specific to its region and story. It made more sense then, considering it takes place on a different shard and overlap was damn near impossible. 6.x and DT are still on Etheirys, but are so self-contained that they'd rather avoid referencing old content if they can avoid it. I hated this in 6.x and I still hate it now. There's an entire world full of characters, places, and possibilities left to discover and expand on, but new expansion packs seem to be heading in the direction of dropping all that and focusing on a new set of toys. Tural will probably be done and dusted in 8.0, aside from a bit of side content here and there regardless of the response to it. Hell, SHB is so sacred to the fandom and yet we only went back for a bit of patch story and crafting relic quests during EW's entire run!

This sort of "okay, next" manner of storytelling is only one side of my issue. On the flip side is how eagerly they seem to want to retread certain tropes that worked in past expacs. So many people have commented on this being the fourth final dungeon in a row that shows the end of a society and how that feels so much more hollow now. Running Amaurot for the first time was a masterpiece of storytelling because it made the end of the fucking world more tangible. I hate running that dungeon because to me it feels like a panic attack, but I respect what it does. The Dead Ends was similar but didn't hit the same way (and tbh its payoff is mostly backloaded). Alexandria pulling the same thing stole all of the feeling from it. Like oh okay, we're doing this again.

It's not the only part of DT that retreads old ground. We have yet another scene where everyone comes together to overcome a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, and the only thing I found noteworthy about that is that it had shards of characters who had helped us do the same thing in SHB outside of the dreary context of Norvrandt. Zoraal Ja, one of the main antagonists, is comprised of retreads of other story arcs done better (including one in this very expac!). He's like Zenos Lite - a royal heir with violent intentions made into the perfect weapon of his homeland - but he's missing all of the things that made Zenos interesting and the screen time needed to flesh him out. The circumstances of Zoraal Ja's birth weigh heavily upon him, but Bakool Ja Ja covered that territory in one of the strongest parts of the MSQ. Zoraal Ja is such an afterthought that bringing him into the shared Dawnservant title isn't even considered. WTF.

TL;DR: This all comes down to FFXIV being torn between retreading well-tread story beats that have worked for them in the past while at the same time, willingly discarding almost everything you've come to love over the past several hundred hours of gameplay. They're trying to recreate their past successes by using shiny new pieces in frameworks that have worked for them in the past, and that rings hollow to me. My love for the old pieces overshadows my impressions of the new ones, but the structural similarity is so blatant that comparison is inevitable. As time goes on, the comparisons are less and less in DT's favor for me, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It succeeded in what it set out to do: expand FFXIV.

It's fine, but if FFXIV is a choice between familiar storytelling and familiar story elements, I'd rather they keep developing the friends we've already made along the way.

*Which may not be long, given the lighting issues introduced by the graphical update and the fact that doing certain things in game trigger IRL migraines for me. Still no official acknowledgment of that yet. The graphics update is the biggest step forward in DTm and yet its existence and problematic state make me play the game less. I hate it but efforts to get the devs to notice have been unsuccessful.

If you made it this far, please perceive my catgirl:

[kindlythevoid]

For the talk about your fics game: 1, 2, 4 (OC of your choice), and 8!

Ohhh, thank you so much for asking!!! I really took this opportunity to lore dump about, well, basically everyone and everything I think, and it turned out to be a very long post. And as I myself hate scrolling and scrolling through posts that I've already seen (unless it's the color of the sky), I will put it under the keep reading for the sake of brevity.

Read at your own risk.

(But thank you very much for asking, seriously, I love lore dumping so so much)

1. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that you’ll most likely publish next?

Probably In Every Stitch and Seam, which mostly follows Season Two of my BBC Merlin rewrite where Arthur gets shot back to the beginning of the first season after he dies. I'm playing with some other stories that I'd like to publish at some point, but unless I manage to write a really well-written one shot, Stitch and Seam will probably be the next one.

2. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that will most likely linger in your head for an undetermined amount of time?

All of 'em? None of 'em? It really depends on the time, ha ha! A lot of them are in the in-my-head stage. I hope one day to publish them. Maybe one day, I'll even write them!

4. Lore dump about the OCs! (Author's choice)

So, originally I was going to try to pick one. But fuck it, I made the damn game, it says plural OCs in the question, I'm just gonna go off about all of them bc that's what the game is for. Thank you for asking!! I'm just gonna go down the list of tags I originally had.

So, Mara, is, actually, my Supernatural OC. Super cringe, yes, but I love her and I have a whole story more-or-less plotted out and everything. Like this thing spans so much time. But I'm here to talk about Mara. So, omgosh, Mara Deana Winchester is Sam's kid that he has with Amelia when Dean is stuck in Purgatory after Season Seven. So, like, obviously I make every change I've ever wanted for the show, but, like, it hinges on the existence of this girl. Sam has a kid, and immediately the whole universe changes. But because Supernatural is canonically part of a multiverse, there's a universe out there with the original Supernatural plotline, but we won't get into that. (I've never lore dumped about my characters, sorry for rambling on about the story instead, ha ha!) So, anyway, Amelia doesn't want the kid and her husband comes back, so Sam takes her and him and Dean and Cas have to raise this girl. In a bunker. Like, better than what John did. That's like, the lowest of bars. And Mara really takes after Sam, but she has all these random influences and is, like, taken on hunts?? As a child?? Or left with Jody and the girls or Charlie or something, so she very much has the childhood of a Hunter, but she still sees the Bunker as, like, her permanent childhood home, which does wonders for her, I'm sure. Anyway, so she grows up and becomes a therapist, because I am convinced that the Hunters need to have, like, benefits or something. So she's a licensed therapist, but she's also, like, 6'3, built like a lumberjack, with a bunch of anti-possession tattoos and scars and shit, so the first session always goes really interestingly. There's also a side story (several, probably) where I cross over with freaking Criminal Minds (bc ofc) and Mara ends up dating JJ's now-adult son, Henry, which just means chaos at the wedding because half of Mara's family is on the Most Wanted List and the other half probably doesn't legally exist, so. Yeah, idk if that's how you talk about OCs, but there's number one down.

Okay, next up is Kirsi. She is one of my two main Star Wars OCs. She's a Rexsoka kid, it's true, yeah, born about two or so years after the rise of the Empire, yeah, yeah. So Kirsi is Togrutan, like Ahsoka, but she looks exactly like Rex (and consequently like a bajillion other soldiers in the universe, funny how that works) and she isn't Force-sensitive. And since I made them before Bad Batch, I'm sticking with the reason that Rex and co. is retired is because he's staying behind to raise the kids (yes, kids, I'll get to that later), while Ahsoka goes around doing Ahsoka things (though she also picks them up and takes them for, like, half the year, because I couldn't bear the thought of Ahsoka not playing a part in their lives). So, anyway, when Ezra goes to pick up Rex, Kirsi and her sister (the next OC) go along with them, but as, like, equally side characters. Kirsi eventually goes off to properly join the Rebellion and shit and ends up running her own ship called Judgement Day.

Kirsi's older sister, Aay'han, is Force-sensitive. She's human, looks like Ahsoka, and is basically Ahsoka's padawan for all intents and purposes. Although, after her, Kirsi, and Rex end up in the same orbit as the Ghost crew, Aay'han does some training with Kanan and Ezra just bc Ahsoka is gone so often. But while Kirsi officially joins the Rebellion, Aay'han remains sort of anonymous. Like, she helps out, but she never has to take orders. She does, however, join the crew of the Judgement Day once that becomes a thing. (I guess she's more of a side OC as of right now, but it felt right to give her her own blurb)

Okay, okay, so my Sole Survivors I'm gonna do together, because I believe it's short. Ish. Nate and Nora are my take on Fallout 4's sole survivors, except, y'know, they both survive. I stick with the Army-Nate and Lawyer-Nora narrative, but Nate was a medic/doctor/nurse-person (I haven't solidified it yet, but he does the Medicine) and Nora's been diagnosed with ASPD, so she's actually one of the very, very few people that is both a sociopath and a psychopath! I basically assigned certain SPECIAL characteristics and the various paths to either Nate or Nora, so Nora's really good at, say, lockpicking and hacking from her misspent youth, while Nate has crazy good endurance and probably ends up as a ghoul at some point so he can deal with the radiation spots! They're both, like, eerily okay with murder and are on a mission to find Shaun. Nate just keeps adopting ppl on the way. And Nora's low-empathy, but she can still reason and shit, so she's not, like, a villain or anything. But yeah, power couple Nate & Nora. :)

Like Nate and Nora, I'm just gonna do the crew of Judgement Day all as one. The Judgement Day is the same ship that Kirsi pilots. Her co-pilot is Miikka, who's ginger, flies planes, and ends up with Kirsi. Their navigator is Solene (goes by Lena), a bubbly purple Twilek who really loves the stars and is the cinnamon roll of the ship (do ppl even still use that terminology anymore??). Their resident mechanic is a Chiss named Kres'ave'kleon (...Savek, he goes by Savek), who desperately needs an attitude check but is, unfortunately, very good with ships and doesn't really care that they're running Rebellion missions. They also have a live-in hacker who is their primary contact with the black market; she's a Mirialan who goes by Kalea and is the only one who gets their own room on the ship. Finally, they also have slicer, a human cyborg ex-smuggler from back in the war named Gene. Kalea gets them in, but Gene is the one that deals with sending codes and transmissions and shit to the Rebellion.

So, that was a lot. But I only mostly regret typing it all out!

8. Fic that is near and dear to your heart?

Oh goodness, where do I start? Though I've only published a few, all of the ones I write occupy a little place in my heart. But as the longest fic I've ever written, one of the very few I've finished, and part of the handful that have made it onto Ao3... Love the Bright Sword. As of right now it's definitely one of my better, if not best, written pieces, and everything in Rewind I really feel is some of my best quality writing. I've definitely sunk a few years of my life into this fic, just sort of writing on and off, and I remember staying up late to rewatch episodes and studiously take down how dialogue is said or how a scene is played out, just over and over again. I still do, when I come across an episode I need to write out, but, oh, those were some days. That was my first time getting comments on a fic, real long comments, and I took every chance I could to talk about how a scene was written, or how much I love a certain character, or what I learned while researching, or analysis, so much analysis on my own damn fic. (Hell, I still do it when I can, ha ha!) I consider myself so lucky to have landed with the audience that I have, because it really made the experience so much better than I ever could have imagined.

Okay, so, maybe not what you were expecting, op, but than you anyway!! I really appreciated the opportunity to go off like this!! :)

Kindly,

The Void

[adamantinetower]

Gerbilgod Year 3: Mausoleums

I’m next in line for the Tumblr Succession Fort, with @proudautisticcomrade having preceded me. The game is overseen by @dorfposting​. I’ve had my attention split quite a bit these past few weeks n’ days so I admit I’m not as well versed in the Fortress’s history as I probably should be. But its an angle I can make work.

This ended up being quite a long post with many images, so here’s a readmore for everyone’s sake.

First of Granite, year 153 in the fortress Ërtongnòm: Gerbilgod

Well this is a right mess I’ve found myself in. The latter end of the past year has not been kind to this fortress, so much so that I - a passing stranger - have found myself thrust into the role of overseer for the time being. As shocking as this is, I am loathe to turn my back on my fellow dwarves.

My first order of business is to carve out a place to put all those poor souls to rest. Monuments for those wholly lost, and coffins for those whom we can still find some remnant of. No dwarf will go unhonored. It is the patience, or rather the lack of it, of the dead that has me worried.

The design is something concocted in quick desperation to appease both the living and the dead. A central hall for monuments, large enough for our immediate needs. Off of this will be dug space for coffins. The rooms are meager and the hallway narrow, but I’m afraid that such spaces is the limit of luxury we can presently afford.

After all, a vile force of darkness is upon us.

 It hasn’t even been one day yet.

8th of Granite:

Praise the Gods, the siege was short. The small band of invaders swiftly dispatched by visitors loitering outside the gate. With that settled, I’ve ordered it lowered. I hope to gather what wood we can.

13th of Granite:

I’m convinced this fort is cursed.

A terrible winged beast with the gift of flame has come to us. The thing arrives by way of the muddy caverns that much of this fort is built into. I pray that the hands that this fort was previously in had managed to plug any unsecured holes.

Not making matters any better are the returned spirits of our fallen warriors.

Ah, brave souls! If only you yet lived to protect your home!

17th - 19th of Granite:

The beast has disappeared from sight, and we are out of wood. If there is a way for it into the fortress, I hope it takes it through the monster hunters and poets that live under our roof.

It is not all ill news, however. Despite the goblin attack, we are met with an elven caravan. In the chaos I haven’t had much time to assess any needs trading could alleviate, and with the rain of abhorrent sludge impeding the gathering of plants and trees I have to consider-

What.

This... Odd little warrior has scarcely stepped foot in the bog surrounding the fort before his intention to steal one of our beloved rings was made known.

Huh.

He does not seem compelled to act peaceably, and so I send the militia to contend with him.

24th of Granite:

Tragedy and outrage!

While my attention was elsewhere a deadly brawl broke out between some monster slayers and citizens. Our poor Mayor and one other of our own died in the conflict.

To add to the outrage the beast Ongor had snuck up and, just outside the very tavern, claimed the lives of two children.

The rampage continues unabated. Fire and fang claim dwarf after dwarf.

The hunters continue to do nothing.

Tragedy after tragedy, crisis after crisis. I don’t know if I can salve this.

The beast did fall, its last victim - and opponent - a stray puppy. It decapitated the poor creature, but died soon after. I know not the cause. Did a God finally take offense to this last act? Did it die to its own fire and smoke? I don’t have the time to find out. The dead keep piling up.

13th of Slate:

twice now within the past week two humans have come with ambition to steal Tamemoon, and we are unable to really offer much in the way of resistance.

Damn it all. I’m shutting the gate.

20th of Slate:

Migrants! Oh, praise the miners. A large mass of manpower that brought our struggling population up to 77 from a floundering... 44? 40-something. With all the death I didn’t dare keep count, lest I tempt fate.

I hope we have enough room for everyone.

3rd of Felsite:

The construction of the catacombs is going achingly slow. Not helping matters was our manager having no office. With that fixed, hopefully all will go more smoothly.

The fortress also has a new artifact to its name!

A grate will be useful in some project later on, I’m sure.

2nd of Hematite

Summer graces the land, and some measure of stability has been tentatively achieved. The mood in the fortress is dour and our wood supply has run fully dry. I have assigned some to work as woodcutters, but the lack of action has me suspecting a shortage of tools. Hopefully some new iron axes will solve that problem.

11th of Hematite

A human caravan from Erianthath has come! Bless them. Hopefully they come with tools.

14th of Hematite

The rock itself trembles. Another great beast has come to claw at our walls.

Fortunately for us it lurks in the lowermost caverns, of which there is no present entry to our fort. None that I am aware of, at least.

Unfortunately, that means my plans to breach the cavern for a sludge-free source of wood will have to be put on hold. Without a military proper I dare not face it.

1st of Malachite

Our human guests are still here, and have handily dispatched a prospective thief. Why so many seek Tamemoon, I’ll never know.

The caravan, alas, had slim pickings. I bought two bins of both woolen cloth and leather, as well as some cheese and cheap cages. In exchange we gave them a bevy of stone trinkets and worn clothing. Not the most glamorous of goods, but I made sure to be generous enough to entice them to bring a larger selection in the future.

[breaking character to note that I’m experiencing a bug where the diplomacy menu is unavailable. The diplomacy popup just disappears when I click on it. Hopefully that wont have any lasting consequences.]

There are rumors of a new overseer to arrive by the start of next year. I confess that I hope the rumors to be true. I was an ill pick made of desperation. Still, Hopefully I can stay the course well enough that the fortress will be prime material to be shaped by more brilliant hands.

The catacombs, though rough, are slowly being filled with coffins and bodies. Ghosts are being laid to rest as monuments start to fill the hall.

Outside the fortress our new lumberjacks make quick work of producing lumber for our otherwise idle carpenters.

4th of malachite

A small wave of migrants brings the fortress up to a population of 84.

Tamemoon has also been stolen. It appears that it was held within one of the bins of goods I had brought to the depot. Out of pride I will have the guard investigate this. Privately, however, I am glad if the thing would disappear. Perhaps now we’ll have less trouble with wayward brigands.

24th of Malachite

Our broker accused a human maceman of the theft. Good enough for me, I thought, and ordered the conviction. The man now lies dead.

I should probably care more. Meh.

Unrelated to that I’ve decided to cover up and wall off the pit outside the tavern. There was probably a plan for this, but I’m desperate to avoid another Ongor disaster.

14th of Galena

A monster of the surface, for once!

Thankfully it is one vulnerable to cages. With traps in place in the entrance. I had thought to simply raise the alarm and let the thing stop itself. Unfortunately, a spat of children and one dimwit of a carpenter remained outside. The carpenter, one Urvad Onuculdist, perished. The children, however, seem to have made it out alive. One of our two hammerdwarves slew the beast.

This does bring to mind, however, our woefully sparse defenses. We also lack a water supply within the fort itself. I doubt I have time to fix it wholly, but I can try.

Ghosts continue to rise as we struggle to find corpses and engrave slabs fast enough.

23rd of Galena

The Oily Chestnut has been enclosed!

The drawbridge is linked to one of four new levers I purpose built for new defenses, on the main floor, off to the side of the central stairwell.

It has been labelled for clarity of use. With industry on pause I doubt I can make a fully outfitted death tunnel in time, alas. But perhaps I could get one started...

1st of Limestone

Autumn has come, and with it a vile force of darkness. Raise the gates! Hunker down! We still have food and drink enough down here to last us. What we don’t have is manpower enough to fight them off.

Unfortunately, a Gelder was lost when trying to lower the gate for them. Our outside livestock is also being slaughtered. The herbalist Dumed also didn’t make it back in time, and was slaughtered in a tree.

9th of Limestone

The cheesemaker Olon Cattenbidok is not accounted for, and we can only assume they to have perished outside. Damn it all, if only there was some way we could properly fight back...

18th of Limestone

The raiders have dispersed and a caravan from the Mountainhome has arrived. With them comes news that, yes, a new overseer will arrive in the coming spring. All I have to do, then, is keep the place from falling apart.

For next year I requested an all-around spread of weapons, clothing, trap components, cages, cloth and leather. Toys for the little ones as well.

An axedwarf, meanwhile, has slipped into a depression. This can’t be good.

15th of Sandstone

Another axedwarf has slipped into depression, the both of them being among the monsterslayers currently residing in the fortress.

I have been permitting any and all such warriors to stay, even if there are no monsters to be had. Hopefully they will eventually petition for citizenship as a soldier, wherein they can help quickly bolster our military.

I’ve made a new squad to host two human warriors who have already done so, along with some other citizens that have some skill with weaponry. For now the squad is simply standing by. They’ll need barracks and a place to train, hopefully I’ll remember to get around to it.

In other news, a small band of migrants has come to the fort, bringing the population up to a servicable 92. With some careful management I’m sure much can be done to bring this fort back on track. Straight after that, a stonecrafter by the name of Fikod was possessed by a strange mood, and claimed a crafter’s workshop.

17th of Sandstone

Another forgotten beast has come.

Thankfully, it would appear that the Oily Chestnut is secured enough to keep the beast out. We can hear its rampage outside the walls, and feel the heat of its fire warm the rock. But for now, we are safe.

1st of Timber

Fikod emerges from his mood, holding high the newest artifact to the forts name!

A bright moment amidst all the gloom.

I have also allowed entry to the inactive magma workshops, that the bodies left there may finally be buried. I’m embarrassed that they slipped my attention for so long. Hopefully this will greatly improve our ghost problem. I’ve had to extend out the memorial hall for all the monuments!

18th of Timber

A guild of craftdwarves, aptly named the Company of Crafts, has formed and requested a guildhall.

Following the sensibilities of my predecessor, I have designated for one to be dug out in the shape of a hammer.

1st of Moonstone

Winter is upon us. My tenure as overseer is nearly done. For these last few month’s I aim to get some things cleaned up and smoothed out. Try to finish more bedrooms, perhaps. The catacombs continue to fill up with what few remains can be found.

In hindsight, a few erected slabs may have been made in the honor of those that languished in the magma workshops. Ah well, the poor souls aren’t undeserving of it.

9th of Moonstone

Damn it all! The depressive slayer, Zaneg, has toppled the still in a mad tantrum. Hopefully the damage wont go beyond that.

1st of Opal

Better late then never is my motto for these last few months. I have constructed the beginnings of a death tunnel. Though we don’t have much materials as of yet, with enough weapon traps this worm of a passage should defeat most any invaders without us having to lift a finger.

The drawbridges and their levers have both been labelled. The levers themselves being among those Constructed on the main floor.

Along with this I thought to dig out a section of the dirt portion of the mountain to become an enclosed grazing area. It seems that it’s shaping up to be more stone than dirt, but it gives me an idea. Why not expand up into the mountain? After all, just this much into the area has revealed limonite and coal both.

3rd of Obsidian.

Word has come from the Mountainhome that the next overseer is on their way. Looking back, there's much I could have done differently. Hell, there’s much I could have just done.

My biggest regret is not making a special place of rest for our fallen major. Jv rests among the rest of us. But who knows, perhaps that is what they’d want.

10th of Obsidian

One more beast to see me off!

This one, to, arrives via the muddy caves. I wonder if its kin with Paboz? I had hoped the two would kill each other, but Omus would soon fall after a prolonged battle with a blind cave ogre.

25th of Obsidian

My last act as overseer is the designation of digging out an inside pasture further up the mountain.

To you who succeeds me: good luck.