#hes literally shown up more for me in like 3 months of casual dating than my ex did in over a year

[toughluckbb]

google search: how to tell someone you have feelings for them without scaring them away

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

Open and Waiting (Chapter 3)

Summary: Tech is an Intelligent Dom in more ways than one, Hunter decides he’s had enough casual voyeurism for one day, and you continue to be a good little cockwarmer while remembering that time Crosshair spanked you.  

Relationship: Tech x f!reader, a little bit of Hunter x f!reader, mentions of Crosshair x f!reader, Echo x f!reader and Wrecker x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, cock warming, voyeurism, domination, submission, Dominant Tech, submissive reader, restraints, collar, wrist cuffs, sexual inexperience, inexperienced reader, naked reader, voyeurism, poor self-worth, spiralling thoughts, feelings, smut with feelings, polyamory, little bit of verbal degradation, praise kink, pretend sci-fi technology/science, pretend Star Wars planets and locations, not beta read, no use of y/n. Mentions of: Oral training, dildos, soft domination, finger sucking, fingers in mouth, spanking, impact play, humiliation, degradation, boot licking, penetration, after care, bruises, vaginal fingering, bacta as lube, video recording of sexual acts.   

Word Count: 1714 (Chapter 3)

Author’s Notes: Please read the warnings! And please let me know if you enjoyed it. Behold, more filth. 

I also wanted to make it clear that everything depicted in this fic is consensual and has been enthusiastically consented to by everyone involved. A lot of what is in this fic could be seen as quite intense, depending on your levels or limits *looks at the giant wall of warnings*. Please know that everyone involved is actively participating in safe kink practices and many open, honest and clear conversations are had between everyone, even if it is not explicitly described in the fic. If it helps, I have a background context detail for this AU that Tech maintains an up to date list of everyone's hard limits, interests and requests, and makes sure everyone's kink contracts are revisited every month and updated if required. None of the Batch tease him for it because they all take safe kink practices very seriously. I hope this comes across in the writing, both in previous and future chapters, but I also wanted to be clear about it here as well.  

Chapters: One, Two, Four, Five, Six | Ao3  

Open and Waiting (Chapter 3)

A hand immediately descends on my head, preventing any hint of movement and halting any further thoughts of trying to take more of Tech’s cock deeper into my mouth. There’s a weight to his hand, a solid presence and a warning. He knew exactly what I’d been trying to do. Sir had been unequivocally clear that I was not allowed to move and I’d just skirted very close to breaking that rule. 

Oh kark, I’ve displeased him. I can’t bear disappointing him and the punishment that follows is always Tech’s own special combination of humiliation, control and mental domination. He knows exactly how to slowly and painstakingly unravel me, all while ensuring that I’m the one begging for my descent into delirium. It always leaves me ruinously shattered and I really just wanted to be a good girl and warm his cock for him. I was doing so well. Why do I always try to bite off more than I can chew? Both metaphorically and literally, in this case. Though I am absolutely not moving anything now, especially not my jaw or mouth. Why did I have to try and push it further and do more? Tech explicitly told me not to move. I’m already pleasing him, why did I have to try and go further? It’s not like I—

Tech’s precise voice cuts through my spiralling thoughts. 

“Our submissive has been doing exceptionally well with their oral training and has been diligent and dedicated in their practice. She has shown consistent and admirable improvement in the length and depth that she is able to be orally penetrated. I am quite pleased with her progress and have no doubt she will turn into an excellent cock slut in time and with continued guidance."

The praise hits me deep in the chest, flaring out to run down my arms and I can’t stop myself from preening at his words. Tech knew. Of course he knew. He’s far too intelligent not to notice when my brain starts running away from me. 

“Hmmm, she’s pretty good already.” Hunter adds. “And watching her suck away at those training dildos that can be mounted to the walls is always a good watch.”

“Yes. Those were an excellent invention of mine.” Tech confidently replies.

“Do you think you’d be able to install a hidden or quick release one on the side of a chair in the cockpit?” asks Hunter. “I prefer to keep her at my knee and it’s easier to control her movement when she’s close by.”

Another shiver runs over my naked skin at the thought. I do enjoy serving at Hunter’s knee. It’s a remarkably peaceful and calming experience. One that has nearly caused me to fall asleep on more than a few occasions. We usually do it when he takes watch. Sitting at his feet, my body leaning against his leg and my head resting against the side of his knee, the blue lights of hyperspace dancing behind my eyelids. Hunter usually keeps me in place with a single hand on my head or wrapped around the nape of my neck. Sometimes I’ll end up sucking on his fingers. Other times he’ll gently run the pad of his thumb or fingers up and down my tongue and I end up drooling on his armour or the floor. I often worry about making a mess but he always reassures me that it doesn’t bother him at all. If anything, it’s actually a good thing. Apparently, all the sensations help to ground him. Having one particular impression to focus on helps to reduce the rest of his senses to background noise. If that’s what it takes to lessen the constant barrage of feedback on his enhanced senses and afford him a moment of relative peace then I will happily have my tongue used as a resting pad for his thumb or fingers. 

Just like it’s currently being used as a resting place for Tech’s cock.

The owner of said cock provides a clipped response to Hunter’s question. 

“Of course I can. I already have plans for such a modification. Would you prefer the pilot’s or co-pilot's chair?”

“Pilot’s.” answers Hunter. “It’s your invention. Besides, Echo might be a bit peeved if he walks into the cockpit one day to find a dildo attached to the armrest of his chair.”

“An amusing discovery, I’m sure.” Tech replies, his dry wit in full force. 

The conversation continues on above me, both of them completely ignoring my bound and open position on the floor. It’s like I’m not even here. They could be having the same conversation over caf or while Tech is torso deep in the guts of the Marauder fixing the latest thing to go wrong with the ship. His legs always end up splayed wide apart when he’s working like that. If I wasn’t so desperate to please and had just a little bit of brat in me, I’d probably eventually snap and go down on him then and there. 

“Nah it’s a fair way off. The towns here are fairly isolated and spread out.”

Hunter’s smokey voice interrupts my rapidly degenerating fantasies about blowing Tech in all sorts of compromising positions. I guess they’ve moved on from talking about me like I’m not even there, despite the fact that I’m right here on my knees under the workbench.

“The others are going to be on their supply run for a while.” Hunter adds.

“Yes. I estimate that they will be away for another 3 hours and 16 minutes.” Tech responds.

“Do you need anything from me before I go back to arguing with this schematic of that Seppie base?” asks Hunter.

“Some peace and quiet would be appreciated. Unless you wish to watch?” Tech’s suggestion hanging in the air.

“Nah, she’s all yours. I’ve got my own ideas for when I get her next. Besides, her arousal’s so strong I can basically taste it.” Hunter comments.

The verbal debasement makes my pussy drip and my mouth somehow even wetter.

“Do not let me keep you from your work.” Tech replies, a clear dismissal and indication that this conversation is over.  

Hunter just snorts in response and turns on his heel before heading back to the bow of the ship. The cockpit door closes and then it’s just Tech and I again in the still silence. The only interruption is the movement and scraping of tools above me as Tech dedicates his full focus to the project in front of him.

Well, maybe not his full, complete focus. 

Tech’s other leg has started bouncing. I can feel the small movements through his thigh where my cheek is currently resting. He always does this when there’s something competing for the attention of his prodigious intellect. The warm, wet presence of my mouth wrapping around his cock must be doing a fairly decent job of distracting him. I wonder how much longer this is going to last? Probably not 3 hours and 16 minutes, unless Tech feels like adding more voyeurism to today's antics. Crosshair always enjoys getting a good eyeful when he can. An amusing attribute for someone who can be a tad possessive when he gets me to himself. I would rib him about it but teasing Crosshair is like playing with fire while doused in petrol and carrying lit matches. That man knows exactly how to cause and wield pain. His sadistic streak is as glaringly obvious as his facial tattoo. Our sessions together are often fairly intense and are a clear reminder of his predilection towards inflicting pain and the satisfaction he gains from watching me disintegrate under his hands. I’d rather not give him even more ammunition, especially after overhearing a brief snippet of a conversation he had with Tech about an idea for an implement that involved spikes.

A shudder runs through me at the thought and I can almost feel the phantom stings across my hide from when our sniper flayed my ass last time. It had been a phenomenal experience, pain and pleasure intertwining into a heady mix of sensation that was impossible to discern where one finished and the other began. Hunter and Echo had watched as Crosshair completely broke me apart, fierce slaps followed by biting strokes of his cane striking again and again over my ass. There is nothing quite so exquisitely humiliating as being reduced to a sobbing and quaking puddle on the floor and then being forced to lick the boot of your current dominant. Of course, he had to take it up a notch by pulling my head up by my hair so I was forced to look straight at the leadership team of my own squad as they observed my pathetic attempts at following Crosshair’s commands. 

It’s a little hard to clean leather with your tongue when you keep crying on it. 

By the time Crosshair was fucking me into the floor, I don’t think I was cogent or present enough to do anything other than lie there and just take it. I hadn’t been quite so physically, mentally and emotionally broken by a scene like that for a while. Thank the Maker they all know exactly what they’re doing when it comes to after care. It had taken me a long time to come back to the world after that, those long limbs wrapped around me like a shield, quiet affirmations murmured in my ear. For someone so outwardly caustic, Crosshair can be remarkably soft when he is so inclined. The bruises he left were an astounding array of blues, purples and blacks. I could barely move properly afterwards and sitting was an exceptionally slow and ginger process. A later application of bacta gel helped but that had quickly devolved into being fingered with bacta gel while bent over the medbay bed. Tech had made some comment about this not being it’s intended use when he walked in halfway through but by that stage Crosshair had two long fingers deep inside me and was running rings around my clit and I did not care. At least it gave Tech another recording of me climaxing to add to his collection. Apparently, I am a “most cooperative subject”. 

Crosshair had actually laughed at that. 

–––  

Author’s Note: Please let me know if you enjoyed it! 

I’ve realised that I appear to be writing this mainly in first person from the perspective of the reader, and in present tense, apart from the memories sections (not sure they really count as proper flashbacks). I know the summaries make use of ‘you’ and so appears to be in second person but I think the majority of this is in first person, or at least I’m trying to keep it as consistent as possible. It’s probably all over the shop though so the ‘not beta read’ warning definitely applies here. 

Reader is not named and is referred to as she/they, you/you’re (when spoken to), submissive or their (the Batch’s) submissive, various derogatory terms (slut, whore etc.), and other more general affectionate terms (darling, dear etc.) and Mando’a endearments (mesh’la, cyar'ika etc.). The latter of these mainly appear in the aftercare scene, which is still so far away at this point. Why have I done this to myself? Write fanfic, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. *sobs* The reader is referred to in a generally objectifying manner, like something that the Batch owns without being explicitly possessive about it, and there is absolutely no use of y/n (guess which fanfic writing trope I can’t stand).   

Tech finally starts to play with you in Chapter 4 and the filthiness factor ratchets up again (somehow). 

Taglist: @queenariesofnarnia @skywlker-sluvtt @techs-assistant @dangraccoon @iamburdened @pheesupremacy @blondie-bluue @motte-the-goblin

[hubz88]

So Aaron asking Ben to move in and this plot about his dad seemed to be more about the parallels with Liv’s drinking problem then any real character development for Ben or their relationship.  Surprise, surprise. 

I had a few people jumping on a twitter response of mine last week, don't really do twitter much and wasn’t hoping to invite a conversation from Ben fans, Ben/Aaron fans, but anyway I was completely baffled, fascinated and mad and had to get my thoughts down.

Firstly my comment was about how weird I find it that on top of having this abusive father his whole life, Ben was so happy to forgive and forget the bullying that Aaron put him through, that made him want to die, within a day and a vague apology wanted to date him and it was brushed under the carpet.  I got two different responses from the fans that I want to look into because it has been on my mind all weekend.

1) About 2 or 3 people commented that I have clearly missed some episodes

This is hilarious to me, not only have I never missed an episode, but I have over analysed all Ben and Aaron scenes a thousand times over, without ever watching back I remember a great detail of what was said, weird dialog, acting/directing choices and facial expressions.

But mainly on this I am just hugely confused by what scenes they actually think I missed? There have been very little actually story about this bullying backstory full stop, no real content and no real resolution or explanation as to how come Ben got over it so quickly.  Given that I was referring to the first week or so on screen, it literally went like this.  Ben having no words in the Hop whilst Liv was acting like Aaron goes their all the time to see Ben at the Hop.  Ben orders a jacket potato and chilli whilst Chas awkwardly tries to suggest that Aaron gets back on the dating horse, hint hint hint to this random man who we know nothing about at this point and if he is even gay/into men.  Ben with Al and Kayak’s getting introduced to Aaron.  Aaron going back on his own to ask about Kayak lesson when Ben flips with the you don’t remember me, now I can hit back and you made me want to die etc. Ben’s car breaks down, Aaron says he can help, gets his number to text about parts or something.  They go for a drink as you do with your school bully.  Aaron explains vaguely about having a tough up-bringing and struggling with sexuality.  Ben has no reason to really trust him at this point or take his word for it but decides to awkwardly start trying to flirt and talks about the bullying he suffered as “reminiscing”, (weirdest line to use in context, I certainly don't reminisce about the kid that used to call me names at school let alone actually kick my head in on the daily). Then Aaron goes to the Hop and asks about a lesson, clear indication of a date.  This was all over a few days episodes, but one actual date time-wise.  That is is, whole story wrapped up.  No Ben talking to other people in the village that tell him to give Aaron a chance, no forced to work together, share friendship group, locked in a room together or whatever contrived plots soaps like to use to get people talking.  No longer story of getting to know each other, Aaron proving he had changed.  Just one conversation and it was all fine. Like what was the point?

Then from that point on we got a couple of episodes were Ben turned up out of nowhere, no build up, no aftermath, again no discussions with other people in the village, friends, co-workers, so we never saw his motivations or reasons for wanting to be with Aaron he just showed up apologizing for their disaster pint or Aaron apologised.  So much so that Ben was only in 11 episodes from September to January and many of those were like one or a couple of scenes, which is so poor when you compare to the other new characters introduction, interactions and multiple mini stories that played out.

The 4.5 months Ben was off screen was also used as a reason some how to explain how the lack of actual relationship discussion makes sense, like they talked again when he came back, (about his sister being an alcoholic), as if that suddenly makes it ok that they haven’t address the bullying or that argument again before Ben became a literal cardboard cut out glued to Aaron’s side. 

2) There was one person who replied saying it wasn’t a date at that point with the first lot of pints, which those terrible pint plots arguably were meant to be a date, but in any case they were still planning to meet up just the two of them, Ben kicked off after Ben didn’t turn up after divorce papers and Kayak lesson etc. So it still doesn’t make sense to want to get so pally with your ex bully. Through-out this point Aaron was pretty hot and cold and damn right rude at times.  Yet Ben kept following him around and showing up wanting to talk and try again and they suggest a pint several times.  One person did not like my response about him following Aaron around as if it was Aaron following Ben around because Aaron was the one that suggested the Kayak lesson to begin with.  But this person clearly hadn’t seen the scenes where Ben kept showing up out of nowhere wanting to get in Aaron’s orbit, Aaron largely seemed uninterested and said about them being friends beginning of December, (I think), which was never shown on screen and apparently didn’t happen according to January scenes at Aaron’s birthday when Ben said the friendship thing hadn’t worked out. 

3) There were the comments of the conversations on his return in May and the scene in the Hop discussing the bullying over some table football, you know do completely casual.  Again ignoring this does not change the facts of how this story started and how poorly it was executed regarding the bullying. Also in my opinion that chat was way little too late, they were official at this point and had only really been seen discussing Liv, her drinking problem, Liv being missing, Ben’s alcoholic dad and oh the mystery guy Ben put in a taxi.  Therefore no actual relationship or feelings chat anyway at this point, other than I’m miserable and we apparently have a laugh despite the fact we haven’t seen that onscreen. So why would I expect any in depth relationship story.  Even the Aaron Ben fan said they “try” with the Hop chat.  And like fair play, if you are happy with such shit a story and effort, then go live your best life hun.  But wow really, what are you liking here?

In actual fact Aaron still seemed quite offish on many occasions with Ben and snappy upon Ben’s initial return once again and yeah he was worried about his sister but why would Ben want to be around this permeantly, with someone he barely knows still, and would have possibly been triggering for him but yet he is promising to support him no matter what, you aren’t on your own Aaron, you have me, we and us etc. .

On the point of proving Aaron had changed the show has made a point this last year of many characters talking about how aggressive Aaron is, Liv about how he pushed her instead of Luke that whole time and calling him a control freak and lots of nasty names.  Mandy calling him a bully when Paul first died before she found out the truth.  Luke calling him a violent thug or something whilst Ben was there and talking about bad boys and stuff moments later, Ethan and Charles talking about him being scary and the same from Vinny at as well.  On top of the Pollard nonsense plot with the brooch and Ben was well aware that he was up for a bulgary/assault charge of which Ben had no real reason to believe he was innocent again he didn’t really know. He had only just re-connected with him after months off screen following the toxic argument, which also never got resolved, no sorry I didn’t realise Liv had a drink problem, I get your concern now, sorry for what I said, sorry for how I treated you, which as much as I don’t like Ben I feel he sort of would have deserved after how Aaron spoke to him.

Finally, and I realise no one is going to read this haha.  In one of my responses to these people before I gave up and said we are never going to agree, let’s leave it. I said content wise the story has been poor, there has been such little effort with the writing and Ben isn’t really a character right now, still only serving for other Aaron related plot and after 10 months on the show has only one small chat about gay marriage with Charles and the weird gay app conversation with Vic, Ethan and Luke outside of Aaron which is just not a proper character on a soap that it is 6 times a week.  Funnily enough, I got no response on that, no comeback or pathetic or disillusioned excuse. So do they all know how bad the story is and choosing to fight on the missing episodes I haven’t seen, whether those pints were dates or the fact they spoke after Ben’s disappearing act, which does nothing but really prove what a nothing of a character he actually is more than anything as there is no way I really believe it was all just down to COVID when other plots didn’t suffer the same way.

I will shut up now!

[annies-marvel-imagines]

Dusk Till Dawn - Part 3

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: An argument between you and Peter leads to others getting involved in your business and Ellie gives you some unexpected news.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Hurt!reader, Hurt!Peter, jealous!Peter, and maybe some fluff.

A/N: Collaboration with my good friend,  @rosaliestark01​. I don’t own any GIFs.

“Y/N!” Peter yells from across the hall. You stop putting your things in your locker as you see Peter running towards you. You don’t know what’s gotten into him. He seemed perfectly fine after doping you back home after paroling. 

He seemed too caught up in getting to you as soon as possible that he ended tripping over his own feet, causing Flash and a few of his “friends” to laugh at him.

“Peter?”  You run to him and quickly help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I-” He begins but Flash, being the dumbass that he is, cuts him off. You honestly don’t understand why Flash keeps trying to make Peter’s school life a living pain.

“Nice one, Parker,” he snorts. For some reason, his “friends” laugh as though bullying someone who is clearly better than them is suddenly the most hilarious thing in the world. “Did your parents forget to teach you how to walk?”

“At least he doesn’t walk like he has a silver spoon up his-” you try to retort, but Peter hurriedly interrupts you.

“Y/N, I have to tell you something.” Peter looks at you pleadingly and you are suddenly worried about what happened.

“What is it?” Peter grabs you loosely by your arm to lead you away from Flash and his band of laughing brainless idiots.

“I can’t tell you here,” he whispers as he drags you away from all the people watching the two of you curiously. Peter is starting to worry you even more. What is he so afraid to tell you that he has to drag you into a janitor’s closet to tell you? “I don’t think that Eloise is who she says she is.”

“Who is she, then?” You ask. 

“Well... I don’t know, but I saw her talking to a man in a black ambulance and they traded stuff.” You knew that Peter didn’t trust Ellie one bit, but this had to have been him just assuming things.

“Okay. I’ll agree that that’s suspicious, but you can’t just say that she’s not who she says she is because she talked to some random dude. You’re mind is probably just blowing out of proportion,” you tell him, but the look he gives you says that you really need to listen to him. “When was this?”

“Around midnight,” he whispers. “Y/N, I don’t trust her.”

“She’s never given me a reason not to trust her. Can you please just drop it?” you beg. You didn’t want to fight with Peter about whether Ellie was trustworthy or not. Peter didn’t really know her and you did. “Are we still on for this Friday?”

“Yeah,” he nods his head. “I’ll see you there.”

You really were excited about going to the movies with Peter. He never outwardly said that it was a date, so you didn’t want to assume but this was the first time the two of you were watching a movie without your friends tagging along. 

You and Peter casually walked out of the janitor’s closet, hoping that you two were casual enough to not attract attention. However, you were quickly met with Ned, MJ, and Harry’s questioning stares.

“What were you two doing?” Harry asks. You look to Peter to come up with a good excuse.

“N-Nothing,” he spits out awkwardly. You mentally facepalm because although he has no problem making up excuses on a regular basis, the one time you get caught walking out of a janitor’s closet is when he can’t come up with a proper excuse.

“Okay, well... I’m going to go back to my locker,” you say in order to escape the awkward tension that filled the air.

“I’ll come with you,” MJ said. Harry followed suit. Ever since he and Gwen broke up, he’s become a lot closer to MJ. You had a feeling that they were starting to really like each other, but it was too soon to tell.

“So how come you never told me that you were taking Gwen to homecoming?” Ned asked Peter once you, MJ, and Harry walked off.

“What? Where did you hear that?” Peter had definitely not planned on taking Gwen to homecoming and he certainly never told anyone that he planned to. If anything, he wanted to ask you.

“Ellie has been saying that you were going to ask Gwen to homecoming,” Ned said and Peter lightly winced at hearing one of his best friends call her Ellie.

“Well, Eloise is a conniving liar who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about,” Peter says bitterly. Had you heard any of those rumors? You probably have. You and Eloise have gotten way too close for Peter’s liking. 

Peter knew he shouldn’t feel jealous over you making friends, but Eloise was obviously up to no good and you were to blind see it. Plus, you felt comfortable telling Eloise what has been bothering you ever since that stupid mission you went on. It hurt that you didn’t feel comfortable talking to him, but it hurt more that you were comfortable talking to conniving Eloise Day.

“So who are you taking?” Ned asks. Peter knows who he wants to take, but he;s not sure what you would say.

“I don’t know yet,” Peter says (sort of) truthfully.

“I think you should take Y/N,” Ned suggests. He doesn’t know about Peter feels about you, but you seem like an obvious option. “or MJ. You like her, don’t you.”

“Only as a friend,” Peter says. Once upon a time, he had feeling for MJ, but they never went as deep as his feeling for you. Besides, he was sure that Harry and MJ (although neither one probably knew it) liked each other.

“Then you should totally take Y/N,” Ned suggested happily. Peter knew that if he were to ask you, it would have to be soon.

Needless to say, once Saturday came around, you were pissed. Peter hadn’t shown up to the movie and instead, you ended up sitting next to some random person who wouldn’t put his phone away, kept flirting with you during the movie, and laughed at the stupidest stuff. You ended up getting kicked out once the two of you started fighting (even though he started it). Out of all the people in the theater you had to get into a fight with, it was the owner’s stupid cousin.

On the bright side, you got a call from Ellie telling you that the DNA test result would come back on Monday. She asked about how the movie went and although you were majorly pissed at Peter, you didn’t want to give her another reason to dislike him. You told her about the movie without telling her that you were kicked out of the theater.

On Monday, you woke up to something falling on your floor. After turning on the lights, you found that instead of a something, it was a someone.

“Hey, Y/N-” Peter says quietly.

“Peter, it’s four in the morning,” you hiss. “Get out.” Peter looked taken aback by this. He always came here when he couldn’t sleep and you’ve never kicked him out before.

“But-” He suddenly looked like he had just noticed the look on your face. “You’re angry.”

“Yeah, I’m angry,’ you say, stomping over to him. “You didn’t show up.”

Peter looks at you with confusion written all over his face, which only angers you more. He stares back at you for a few seconds before he finally realizes what your talking about. Soon, his realization turn into worry.

“Oh! Y/N, I am so sorry,”he says quickly. “Something came up and I had to deal with it.”

“Right. Something always comes up.” You weren’t sure if you were being petty or not. For six, almost seven, months, you allowed everyone to forget about you and treat you like shit.

“Y/N, I can’t just stop being Spider-Man just because you wanted to see a movie,” Peter fights back. This wasn’t your first fight, but this was by far the most serious.

“First of all, I never told you to stop being Spider-Man and secondly, you were the one to ask me to the movies,” you try not to raise your voice because of how late (or early) it was. 

“You could’ve asked someone else to go with you,” Peter argues. If anything, his argument only angers you more. 

“You literally said that you wanted it to be just the two of us!” you yell. “Instead, I had to deal with some creep that didn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘no’!”

Hearing that you had to deal with some creep and he wasn’t there to protect you made his blood boil. He knew that he should’ve at least told you a head of time that he wouldn’t be able to make it, but he also didn’t want to admit to you that he had completely forgotten about your date. Wait. Was it a date?

“What the hell is going on in here?” Nat said, storming into the room looking grumpy and tired

“Nothing. Peter was just leaving,” you say, not wanting to fight with Peter anymore. You hated fighting with Peter, but you still felt hurt by his actions.

“Y/N-”Peter began softly.

“Both of you. Kitchen. Now” Nat demanded. The tree of you made your way to the Kitchen where Nat sat the two of you down and glared at you.

 “What the hell happened to the two of you?” She asked harshly. “Since the day you two met, you’ve been a team. Best partners in the field I have ever seen. Something must have happened to make you turn on each other and I’m here to tell you to get the fuck over it. I don’t care what it is. Put it in the past. You’re best friends. You’re partners. Now start acting like it.”

She stomped back to her room, leaving you and Peter sitting quietly in the dark. You were going to say something, but he beat you to it.

“Wow,” he says, referring to Natasha’s passionate lecture. “So, um... since it’s late...?”

“Yes,” you say, offering your hand. He takes it gingerly, and you both quietly make your way back to your room. You’re already in your pajamas, but Peter is still wearing his Spider-Man suit.

“Here,” you say as you hand him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he left here once. After he got dressed, you both crawled into bed. “I’m sorry I got mad. Whatever it was, I’m sure it was important.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone to sit next to some creep,” he whispered. You could tell that he was being sincere and you began to wonder why you were so mad at him in the first place. Saving people was a priority and you felt bad at yelling at him over something that probably wasn’t even a date to begin with.

“At least I got a few swings in before I got kicked out,” you say, trying to lighten the mood but Peter just looked at you sadly.“Either way, the world is lucky to have Spider-Man in it.”

“And I’m lucky to have Y/N Stark as my best friend”. Peter scoots closer so that the two of you were practically holding each other.  “I’m still sorry for ditching you. Maybe we can still see that movie tonight?”

“I’d love that,” you say. You close your eyes, ready for sleep to take over again.

“Y/N?” Peter whispers. He knows it’s late, but he feels as though this were the right time to ask.

“Hmm?”

“Will you go to homecoming with me?” After a few seconds, and there’s no response, Peter looks at you. “Y/N?”

You had already fallen asleep. Peter curses himself for not asking earlier. He’s not sure when he’ll get the chance to as again or if he ever will.

“Y/N Stark!” Brad Davis yells as he struts towards you. You look for an escape, but you don’t see a very good one. You look at Peter for help, but he doesn’t know what to do either.

“What do you want?” you ask. Everybody, except for Brad, knew that he was a total jerk. He was one of the brainless idiot who laughed at Peter after he tripped last Friday.

“I’m taking you to homecoming,” he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. You scoffed at the nerve this guy had. You noticed the way Peter tensed up, but you didn’t say anything.

“No you’re not,” You tell him. He just smirks at you. “I already have a date.”

“Who?” He and Peter both asks. 

“Peter.” Peter looks confused, so you decide to elaborate. “He asked me this morning.”

“Whatever, nerds,” Brad scoffs before walking off to join his friends.

“You heard that?” Peter looks at you nervously and you couldn’t help but think it was cute.

“Yeah,” you say.  “I wanted to answer, but I kinda fell asleep.”

Peter smiles at you before you both go your separate ways. You go to art class and Peter has History. You hope that Peter doesn’t forget about the movie this time. You knew he had his reasons for missing it the first time, and you were going to try to be more understandable if he misses this time too, but you really hope he doesn’t.

After school ends, you see Ellie jogging to you with an annoyed look on her face.

 “You’re going to homecoming with Parker?” She asks. 

“Yeah. He asked me.” You knew that she didn’t like Peter but you still hoped that she would’ve been happy for you. She had to have know that you really liked him from all the times you gushed about how amazing he was to her.

“I though he stood you up.” She said. You both begin walking to the parking lot.

“He did but-” you stop suddenly after hearing that. You didn’t tell Ellie that Peter stood you up. In fact, you clearly remember trying to make her think that didn’t. “How do you know about that?” 

“Spider-Man saving those hostages was all over the news,” she casually says.

“Right.” You think back to the argument that you and Peter had and you instantly feel ten times worse. Peter was a hero.

“I honestly thought he would have asked Gwen to homecoming,” She tells you. “They seem pretty close.”

“I thought so too.” Ever since you started hanging out with Ellie, Gwen had obviously tried to make a move on Peter. You felt lucky that Peter was pretty oblivious to those kinds of things. You were also pretty lucky that Peter had chosen to ask you.

“Do you want to come over to my house to study today?” Ellie asks hopefully. 

“I would love to, but I already made plans with Peter.” You started to feel bad when her hopeful face turn into a scowl at the mention of Peter’s name. You had really hoped that they would get along. They were both nice people. They were among the smartest students at this school and Ellie knows that Peter is Spider-Man.

“Oh. That’s okay.”

You were glad to finally be able to enjoy the movie without some creep ruining it. Peter looked like he was enjoying the movie, and you loved the way he gasped when the main character was manipulated into teaming up with the bad guy. It had a good ending, but that part was hard to concentrate on when Peter grabbed your hand during the big climax.

Afterwards, Peter swung you back to your room before he left to go on patrol. You would have gone with him, but you really needed to finish your Art project.

A few hours later, you felt pretty good about it. You made miniature figures of all the avengers. It took longer than it should have, since you had to remake the Iron Man figure after “accidentally” breaking it.

“Y/N, you have a visitor,” your AI, Cas, said. The only person who would has ever visited you at the late hour of 1:53 am was Peter. Instead, you were met by another familiar face.

“Ellie?” 

She was texting someone on her phone by the time you finally made it down to meet her. She looked up at you with excitement as she held up a small stack of papers.

“Y/N, I got the results back for the DNA test,” she whispered. You had completely forgotten that Monday was the day that the DNA results would come back.

“Really? What does it say?”

“Your dad’s name is Ezekiel Stane and he only lives a few miles from here.” You scrunch up your nose upon hearing his name. She had to be kidding right? There was no way that this could be right.

“Stane?” Ellie frowned at your disdain for the name. “Like Obadiah Stane?”

“It’s what the papers say,” Ellie says, shoving the papers into your hands. Looking at them, you had no choice but to believe her. According to the papers, Ezekiel Stane was, without a doubt, your dad. “You trust me, right?”

“Yeah.” As much as you wanted this to be a joke, you really did trust Ellie. You just didn’t want to possibly be related to the same guy who kidnapped you and tried to kill you and your dad Tony. 

A/N: Would you trust Ellie?

Tag List:

@eridanuswave​ @drishtisikarwar​ @spideygirl2003​ @ilovespideyyy​

[greenninjagal-blog]

15 Anxceit?

Y’all really out here asking for that angst, aren’t you. Do you guys know the last time I wrote Hurt/Comfort? It’s been Eons. I’m rusty. 

Summary: Virgil gets kidnapped. 

Words: 2604

Quick Taglist: @chelsvans @faithfulcat111 @felicianoromano @holliberries @jemthebookworm @killerfangirl3 @silverflame-wc @stricken-with-clairvoyancy @thenaiads @treasureofpriam

Read on Ao3 || My General Writing Masterlist || Prompt page

Keep Breathing

“I’m sorry, I know it hurts, but you have to trust me, Okay?” The voice says over the phone. “You hear me, Love? Virgil?”

Virgil can hear him. He can hear him so clearly it hurts worse than the throbbing in the back of his head, or the bruising on his ribs, or the knife wound in his shoulder. Virgil can’t remember the last time words had cut so cleanly through the crackling air like a blade all on their own.

He shouldn’t have been surprised though. Given who was speaking. Dee always did have that way with languages, slipping his tongue around foreign syllables and phrases and lulling Virgil to sleep on restless nights with just his voice, a book, and fingers treading through his hair.

“I’m going to get you out of there,” Dee tells him, in perfect English. “I promise.”

Virgil exhales shakily, just one breath away from sobbing. There so many things he wants to say, but they all get caught up in the lump in his throat.

He wants to scream, but he knows where that will get him, knows what that would do to Dee. He wants to cry and beg and curl up in a ball where nothing can touch him, but the first two haven’t done anything in the past endless hours, and the last one has been made impossible by the way his arms were zip tied behind his back and around the pole. He squeezes his eyes closed and tries to pretend like the voice of Dee over the phone is him really just sitting next to Virgil on the bed talking him out of a panic induced spiral.

“Just breathe for me, Liebing,” Dee says. “Just breathe. I’ll get you out of there.”

Virgil inhales sharply. “I-- I know,” He manages with a wet laugh. “I kn-now you will. And I-- I’ll kill you m-myself for this.” 

He thinks Dee nearly laughs, one of those wet, terrible laughs of his that only came out when he was nearing his breaking point, but the phone is pulled away from his ear at that moment. He strains after it in a panic, but his captor give him a sharp kick  to the side and Virgil falls back against the pole, with his shoulder screaming in pain.

“There,” The criminal says, “Proof of Life, Mr. Ekans. Your lovely fiancee is still breathing, although if you don’t follow my orders exactly, he won’t be for much longer.”

Virgil thinks if he wasn’t so terrified out of his mind, he might have found that funny. Dee? Following someone else’s orders? Ever since Virgil had met him in Third grade Dee had avoided rules like the plague. When he had disappeared after highschool, Virgil had thought that Dee had gone off and died somewhere in a ditch, but he had returned just seven years later, with that same smirk and that spark in his eyes like he knew everything Virgil was thinking in any moment.

They hadn’t been friends, but they had been acquaintances. Once or twice they had been lab partners in Chemistry, and they had nodded to each other in the halls.

It was ridiculous that Virgil hadn’t even noticed how much he missed that normalcy, that routine, that quiet interaction, until the day before Graduation when Dee had invoked a Senior Skip Day and Virgil had ghosted between classes without seeing him at all. It was even more ridiculous that Virgil had turned that sad feeling over in his chest a billion times and realized somewhere north of 3:24 A.M. that he had had a crush on Dante Ethan Ekans for three years based just on nods in the hallways and that one time Dee had offered him part of a sandwich when the school lunch had looked particularly terrible. 

Then Dee hadn’t shown up to Graduation. Or the last day of school.

Virgil had found out the week after from gossip in a friend group that Dee had packed up his bags and gone for a journey to find himself with no returning ETA. 

And again, Virgil hadn’t been friends with him so it hadn’t made sense that he felt angry not to have been told this directly. But the weight of that realization had crushed his tentative heart where it was in his chest. 

There had been other boys, because seven years is a long time and boys were pretty, but they had never worked out. They had asked too much of him, or expected something different, or loved too brashly. At the end of each relationship Virgil had found himself lying on his bed wondering what had happened to the brunette boy with the nearly yellow eyes who once helped him light a Bunsen Burner. 

Virgil had gone to college. He had gotten a BA in Culinary Arts, with an emphasis on Baking and Pastries, which literally no one had seen coming, including himself. He had gotten a lease and opened up a bakery three counties from where he grew up and sent his mother danishes on the weekends when he couldn’t visit. 

Then two months later, Dee had walked right into his bakery like he had never left. Virgil had nearly dropped a pan of muffins at the sight of him. That smile was the same, and those eyes, and habit of picking at his nails when he was nervous. But he had yellow highlights in his hair and a tattoo of a snake on his back and three scars over his knuckles.

“You might not remember me,” Dee had said as if Virgil had ever been able to forget him, “But we went to high school together and I...I’ve traveled all over the world and still think you are the most amazing thing in it.”

And Virgil had remembered why he had fallen for Dee in the first place all over again.

When Dee had asked Virgil to marry him four years later, he hadn’t hesitated to say yes.

Because it had been Dee, and Dee had chosen to stay in that town with Virgil, had chosen to pick up a business job, had chosen to to go on several dates with Virgil, had chosen to stay through every fit and fight and argument, had chosen to get down on one knee and offer Virgil that ring that was on a necklace around his neck right now.

Dee had also casually forgotten to mention that he was freaking loaded until the moment that Virgil had been walking out of his bakery nearly dead on his feet last night and someone had swung a crowbar directly into the back of his head.

“And I’m not sure I need to remind you what will happen if you call the police,” Virgil’s captor says airily, “But I will anyway--”

Without warning the man turns back to Virgil and swings his heel directly into Virgil’s wounded shoulder. Agony rips through Virgil’s entire being, drowning out all of his thoughts until all there was left was a burning, blazing pain and his own screams. Tears streamed down his face, choking him as he wrestled against the bindings in an attempt to curl around the injury. His vision turns white and black like TV static and his sobs echo throughout the empty warehouse like they were mocking him.

Faintly, he thinks he can hear Dee’s voice.

Faintly, he registers the captor over him, is delighting in Virgil’s pain.

Faintly, he recalls the price the man just put on Virgil’s life, and that Dee didn’t hesitate to agree to it.

The criminal over him ends the call with a click of a button, and Virgil whimpers. His shoulder feels like someone was holding an open flame to it, his wrists burn where the zip tie are latched far too tightly to his skin.

“Hmm,” the man says softly, “I can’t say I see what he sees in you.” He reaches down and holds Virgil by the jaw, turning his head from side to side to examine him, as if he’s a piece of meat for sale. Virgil’s skin burns coldly at the touch, like its frostbite threatening to take over his whole body and kill him on the spot.

“Liebing,” His captor says, teasingly. His free hand shifts to his pocket and he brings out that switchblade again-- Virgil tenses to get away from it, even with his shoulder weeping lava. With a shri-ckk the metallic knife slips out, still streaked with crimson where it had been lodged in Virgil’s shoulder earlier when he had talked back too much.

The man uses the blade to lift a piece of Virgil’s sweat matted hair from his face. It’s close, too close, and Virgil’s lungs beg for air he doesn’t dare give them.

“P-please,” He chokes.

“P-please,” The man mimics, with a cruel smile. “Your future husband seemed to be in an awful hurry to get you back. He has twenty hours; I wonder how much fun the two of us can have while we wait.” 

Virgil squeezes his eyes closed, trying not to shake. The knife tip boops his nose and the man laughs releasing him easily. In another moment Virgil hears the sound of tape ripping and feels the sudden force of his mouth being covered.

“Shhhh,” The man says, using his thumb to rub away a stream of Virgil’s tears.

Virgil doesn’t dare open his eyes until he hears those footsteps retreat all the way across the warehouse and the door opens and closes as the man leaves him alone.

Virgil twists his wrists again, but it only succeeds in turning his hands into a sticky sweltering mess and his shoulder whines in pain again. He grunts through the duct tape hanging his head to his chest.

Dee promised him he’d be okay. Dee didn’t make empty promises. He lied sometimes, like he lied when he called in sick to work that time that Virgil took off and they spent the entire day cuddling and watching conspiracy theories on TV, or that time that Virgil’s baby cousin Ed’s hamster died and Dee had told him it had gone on a perilous journey to defeat a dragon that was too dangerous to take Ed with him, or that time that they had gone for dinner at Virgil’s parents and Dee had told his mother that the potatoes were the best that he had ever had while shoveling it into a napkin under the table.

Dee lied, but he did not make empty promises. 

He promised Virgil he wasn’t going to leave again and then he got a job in office building; he promised Virgil to find that one brand of chocolate Virgil liked even though he had to go to eleven different stores to find it; he promised him that they would leave that business dinner party the second that Virgil got uncomfortable, even if that was only twenty three minutes in; he promised him that one day they were gonna get married on a beach with the sea salt dusting their tuxes as they said “I do”.

So if he said that Virgil is going to be okay, Virgil is going to be okay.

Virgil doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t cling to that pathetic hope.

A flicker of shadow draws Virgil’s attention, and his head snaps up, preparing to...to...protect himself from whatever he could. Instead his breath stutters to a halt.

The shadow is a figure on the roof, someone who is slim but fit and easily opens the glass pane to lower themselves inside. The shadow is a figure who manages to slip from the catwalks to the warehouse floor in barely a minute.

The shadow is a man who kneels beside Virgil and peered at him behind square glasses, “My name is Logan Ackroyd. I’m here to escort you out of this situation, but first I must know where your captor went.” The shadow is a very real person and Virgil can’t tear his eyes from the yellow bold letters F.B.I. on his jacket. 

“Mr. Storm,” Logan says sternly, like Virgil is back in school and one snarky comment away from getting detention again. “Please quietly look in the direction where your captor went.”

Virgil’s eyes flicker to the far door, his breath noticeably short and reckless and violent. With every inhale he feels like he’s getting less and less oxygen in his body. 

“Prince,” The FBI agent says into a comm, “He’s at the North Entrance.” Then he swiftly moves around Virgil to his hands. Virgil can’t help but flinch at the motion, drawing a nauseating screech of pain from himself.

“Apologies,” Logan says, “I am going to cut you loose. Please refrain from moving unnecessarily. There’s a medical team on standby. I can see your shoulder wound, but are there any other locations that will require immediate attention?”

Virgil lets out another sob, a relieved sob as he shakes his head. Or possibly doesn’t. He doesn’t know if its even noticeable from how the rest of his body is vibrating like all his atoms are slowly pulling him apart.

“I’m going to do a breathing exercise, Mr. Storm. Can you please breathe with me while I count?” Logan says calmly again. Virgil’s head spins at how calm he is when there’s nothing calming about this situation. Still the counting is even and steady, flowing over Virgil like the sound of a timer while he’s working in the kitchen. When he closes his eyes, he can even pretend its Dee counting for him, whispering praises when he manages to hold his breath for that endless seven seconds.

“It’s going to be okay.” Logan says, as he cuts through the zip tie and picks his way under Virgil’s uninjured arm. He peels off the duct tap to make it easier to breathe and Virgil falls against him without meaning to.

He’s breathing. Like Dee told him to do. Just keep breathing.

The next thing he knows there are police and FBI all over the place. There’s a several medics that come rushing to them, who help guide Logan and him outside to a standing ambulance. The noise is loud and quiet at the same time: like a screaming match drowned out by the buzzing in Virgil’s head.

He tries to focus on Dee, what Dee said to him, what Dee has said before: all those times he asked Virgil what new language he should try on Duolingo , all those times Dee tried teaching Virgil new phrases over romantic TV dinners and store bought wine, all those times that Dee idly said how much he loved him in the middle of a conversation with no prompting. 

Just keep breathing. Dee had said.

“Virgil!” 

The voice is a strike of lightning in the swirling madness around him. Virgil hiccups a sob and suddenly Dee is right there in front of him, pushing Logan out of the way to get closer to him.

“Virgil,” Dee says again gently taking his face in both his hands. There are tears in his eyes and his mouth spouts out words like a waterfall, “Virgil, Liebing, Love, Angel, Darling, my Sun, my Soul,--”

Virgil lets out a wail and flings himself into Dee’s arms, completely ignoring the medics and the burning of his shoulder, because this was Dee and Dee was...

Dee was safety. He was everything.

“Its okay,” Dee sobs with one hand in Virgil’s hair and the other warped around his waist holding him as close as they can get.

And Virgil believes him.

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[katiewattsart]

Open Call | TULCA 2021

TULCA Festival of Visual Arts is pleased to announce details of its 2021 Open Call curated by Eoin Dara; there’s nothing here but flesh and bone, there’s nothing more.

A short missive from the curator:

A chara,

I am writing to you from the east coast of Scotland, thinking about the west coast of Ireland — a place I have not been able to visit for quite some time. I have resisted writing this for weeks now, hoping (perhaps naively) that this delay would allow me to speak with some clarity about what a project such as TULCA might look like this Autumn in Galway. I have been worrying about how to state my intentions, how to lay out my table, how best to project an air of assured confidence and authority in this time of unwilling dormancy. The truth is though, in these circumstances, I don’t have a concise curatorial statement to make. My thoughts remain as unfixed as the world around us, and performing some kind of professional fiction here would be deceitful.

In the winter of 2019 I pitched an embryonic idea to the board at TULCA centring around a question posed within a poem by Ocean Vuong. The question was ‘Don’t we touch each other just to prove we are still here?’

I didn’t know that in a few short months physical intimacy would become an impossibility for so many of us. I didn’t know we would then collectively be entering a year devoid of touch. I shelved this idea for much of 2020, thinking it a little obvious, gauche even, to pursue such a focus after the pandemic. And yet here we are in 2021, still locked within it in a state of slow, unknowing ongoing. Still sheltering in place. Still seeking out new ways to enact intimacy, trying to affirm something like touch through its negation. Still trying to connect, to care, to love, to grieve, and to resist, when all the means of gathering that previously sustained us are (literally) out of reach.

So whilst we remain in this untethered place, far from any space of clarity or assurance, I am writing to say that I am still obsessively thinking about touch. Do we touch each other just to prove we’re still here? In what way? Where is here? Is here enough anymore? What do we want to touch again? What do we want to let go of? These are some of the questions I hope will guide my thinking in the coming months, with the help of other artists, writers and kindred spirits as part of TULCA 2021.

For now, this morning, I’m listening repeatedly to a song by George Michael advocating for casual sex in public spaces (I know you want to but you can’t say yes). I’m misremembering a line from a Jamaica Kincaid essay where she describes a fritillaria flower as smelling like the armpits of all the people you’ve ever loved. I’m thinking of a poem by Caspar Heinemann where he crafts an image of loving arms as ‘a small architecture of warm blood.’

Of course I’m thinking of all these things in an act of longing. I’m writing this hopeful missive from my own empty architecture, towards a place of fullness and imagined excess we might fill together in an inoculated future.

I need to draw this note to a close, as the skin around my thumb and forefinger has started bleeding with bright anxiety. Perhaps I’ll be able to stop this leakage by October. Perhaps not. Perhaps it is a good reminder of what moves through me and allows me to move through.

’til then, in solidarity, and with warm blood,

Eoin

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[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - ch 3

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna Chapter Three

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

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Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

It was a week later that the infamous “lunch with Kristoff” was to occur. Anna woke up that more with a buzz of excitement coursing through her. She couldn’t help when she hopped out of bed, more of a spring in her step than usual. Trotting down the stairs, she found Gerda when she reached the kitchen. There was a nice helping of eggs and toast on a plate waiting for her.

“Good morning, dear. I just plated those, so it’s still warm.”

Anna smiled. “Thank you, Gerda.”

She didn’t waste time digging in, careful not to eat too fast. She could easily make herself sick if she rushed. It was one of the many, many side effects of her treatment.

Elsa’s footsteps were heard coming down the stairs. Anna smiled, turning to her sister with a mouth full of eggs. Elsa always looked so put together in the mornings… a vibrant contrast to Anna’s flushed face, sunken eyes, congested nose. In her defense, at least without hair… a rat’s nest on her head didn’t add to this look like it used to. So, maybe she was a heavy sleeper. It couldn’t be helped.

Her sister took a seat next to her at the island, pulling up the bar stool. Elsa got a side of bacon with her plate. Oh, how Anna’s heart ached for a fattening piece of pork like that… but it had to wait. In a few more months, Anna could scarf as much bacon down her throat as her heart desired.

“How are you feeling?” Elsa asked.

It was typical. She always asked that at the beginning of every day. Anna was grateful for it. Grateful that her sister cared for her. That they had one another’s backs through their shared health struggles.

“I feel wonderful,” she practically sang. She may have been a little too cheery for that time of the morning, but she couldn’t help it. Anna was too excited to hide it.

Elsa hummed. “It wouldn’t have to do with the fact you’re meeting Kristoff this afternoon, would it?”

She felt her cheeks heat. “Of course not.”

Gerda grinned as she washed the dishes. “Oh? And who is Kristoff?”

Her sister gaped. “Anna! You haven’t told Gerda about Kristoff?”

“It didn’t come up!”

Gerda dried her hands, coming to a stand across the island. “Well, it’s up now. Tell me about him.”

Chewing her lips, Anna shied away from Gerda’s knowing stare. “He’s just—” she swung her fork around as she spoke. “He’s just some guy I met at the coffee shop with Elsa. He works there.”

Gerda hummed with a nod as she dried a dish. “Is he handsome?”

“I mean—yeah…”

Elsa was enjoying this far too much. Her sister was grinning beside her, casually sipping her coffee. She piped in. “He isn’t just some guy, Gerda, Anna puked on his shoes.”

Their maid let out a snort at that. “Oh?”

Anna pouted. “Elsa! Leave it alone! That was embarrassing enough.”

“And yet, he still gave you a ride home.”

“Because he’s a gentleman!”

“Because he likes you.”

Pausing, she swiped a hand along her ear. A habit of pushing strands of auburn hair behind her ear when she had them.  “Do you really think he likes me?”

Elsa and Gerda both giggled at that. Anna couldn’t help it. She knew she sounded like a childish school girl… but after being with Hans for so long… it was nice to have something new. Something to be excited about. Kristoff was so different than Hans. If she had puked on Hans’ shoes? Ha! He would have had a meltdown. Cried like a man child…

Her sister bumped her lightly. “I think he does.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting him sometime,” Gerda teased with a wink as she turned back to the sink to grab another dish. 

Anna flushed at that. The prospect of Kristoff sticking around long enough, despite her health, to meet Gerda? To come to her home and—? Who knew really? She didn’t. She’d only started a relationship once and it didn’t turn out too well. And it was a high school relationship… full of football games, school dances, hand holding in the hallways (for show, she was sure). This—This wasn’t that. This wasn’t high school. This was real life, and a brutal one at that. Would Kristoff fit into this? She wanted him to…

Unable to talk about him further, Anna quickly chirped in and changed the topic. “So, Elsa, can we get a dog?”

“No, absolutely not.”

Anna pouted. “Why not?”

“Neither of us have time to take care of a dog! Especially—like—a puppy. One that isn’t house trained?”

“Elsa, now is the time. I literally can’t work. I’m at home all of the time.”

“We’re not getting a dog, Anna.”

Groaning, she rolled her eyes with a pout. She crossed her arms, giving her sister a pitiful state. “You’re such a party pooper.”

The elder sister gave Anna a knowing look. Elsa finished her plate and pushed away from the table. “I have work to do… Let me know when you’re leaving, yeah?”

Anna gave a nod as she watched her sister saunter towards her office. She couldn’t understand how Elsa was so graceful at all times. Anna thought of herself as more of a frantic mess. Awkward, stumbly, really clumsy. There was no grace about her. She even forgot the English language sometimes when speaking—or she spoke it too quickly for others to understand.

Gerda was still looking at her with a small smirk on her lips. It was clear she knew exactly how Anna was feeling. She was thankful for Gerda’s influence in her life. Thankful she’d taken on the burden of being her guardian when life took an unexpected turn. Thankful for all the support she’d given the sisters over these years. And even after the girls had grown into adults, Gerda was still there.

Gerda hummed, wiping a mug as she glanced up. “So, you really puked on his shoes, dear?”

Anna groaned, flopping her head on the island.

                                                            o~o~o~o

 After more teasing from Gerda as she finished her breakfast, Anna retreated to her room. She knew that it’d be a process to get herself dressed and ready for her date—not a date. Her lunch. With Kristoff. A guy she… may have liked. Which didn’t matter if he didn’t like her back. They were grabbing lunch as friends. He could very well have a girlfriend for all she knew. He didn’t specify his intentions, but—Anna hadn’t asked either.

Was she supposed to? Did she need to ask? What if she was thinking way more into this than he was? What if he was just pursuing a new friendship? Some guys were just nice. Not everyone was like Hans… not that Kristoff was even comparable to her ex-fiancé.

Anna jumped in the shower. She grabbed body washes and lotions—whatever she could do to make sure she smelled wonderful. Sometimes she felt like she smelled sick. Like the scent of hospital followed her everywhere. She had to stop herself from reaching for the shampoo bottle. It was still a hard habit she was trying to break.

When she was satisfied with her state of cleanliness, she retreated from the shower. She stood, wrapped in a towel, in front of her closet. Kristoff had been texting her throughout the week and told her the place he’d like to take her was a hole-in-the-wall joint. But what exactly did that mean for attire? Casual, right? But it was early spring… so something bright and colorful would do, wouldn’t it? She figured the man would learn her favorite color was pink fairly quickly. She grabbed a pink and frilly crop top—different than the tie-dye pink she’d worn when they’d first met—and a pair of high waisted jean shorts.

She tossed the clothes onto her bed, along with a pair of undies. Tugging on her robe, she trotted back into the bathroom, pleased to see that in her time rummaging through her closet that the mirror had defogged. They weren’t supposed to be meeting until a quarter past noon… but Anna knew how long it took to get ready. Her morning routine was heavy enough, but with the added pressure of a—not date—friendly outing with a boy she liked? It could take hours for her to decide. The outfit she’d picked out was cute enough… but maybe when she put it on she wouldn’t like it? What if Kristoff didn’t like it? No, wait. She couldn’t do that. She had to like how she looked—not him… Kristoff wasn’t that type of guy.

Well, since she was planning on wearing pink… maybe she should go more subtle on her face? Was that a good idea? Anna had discovered that in her time of treatments, she really enjoyed makeup. It was like art, but on her face. And it was a good distraction to others. If she caked her face then maybe the fact that she was bald with no eyebrows or eyelashes would be less noticeable. Anna had never known the wonder of falsies and eyebrow pencils until she required them to look “normal.”

Anna took to her normal routine: teeth brushing, face scrubbing, hand washing and lotioning. She looked over herself in the mirror. Her skin was littered with typical bumps and bruises from her clumsiness, but they shown through more with her skin being so pale. She couldn’t help but feel like she looked ill sometimes. Freckles were more prominent than ever along her pasty flesh. It wasn’t that she hated her freckles or anything—she loved them. She was proud of them, even. But she did miss the more golden tone her skin took when she was able to spend more time in the sun. That was something she looked forward to when treatment was over. Being outside, being active, going for jogs and not feeling out of breath.

She’d never be the same as she was before. Anna was stronger as a person after her diagnosis, she knew. But insecurities did seep in on occasion. Mostly because she felt so different on the outside. On the inside, she’d built up a hard shell along her squishy interior. But on the outside she was like a beacon flashing “I have cancer!” everywhere she went. It bothered her… It bothered her to look weak while she felt stronger than ever. With cancer, she looked like the withered husk that she once was when she was desperate for Hans’ love and attention because she never had her parents’ attention that she deserved. After therapy, she knew that now. Knew that her parents owed her much more than they ever gave her. Anna longed to have that confidence on the outside.

Kristoff was a good man. She knew that from their interactions, from their brief texts during the week. He’d checked on her. Asked when her next appointment was. The morning after she hurled on him, he asked how she was feeling. His kindness made her swoon more than he had before. It was odd—being treated right. The way she should’ve been treated for so long, but she had been blind instead.

After finishing her morning routine, Anna checked the time. She still had about three hours… which meant she cold let her skin cool before she caked on makeup. So, she flopped onto the large bed with a sigh. Picking up her phone, she noticed texts from the certain blonde who was already consuming her thoughts.

  Kristoff: Hey. Still on for today right?

Anna: Yes! Definitely! 😊

Kristoff: Great! Want me to pick you up?

Anna: Yeah, sure! At 12:30?

Kristoff: 12:00 would be better so we can get there

 before the lunch rush. If that’s okay?

Anna: That’s fine!

Kristoff: How have you been feeling today?

 God. How did she begin to answer that? She felt great. Mostly because she knew she was going out with him. It was going to be the highlight of her day, she knew. But she couldn’t tell him that! What if it made her seem desperate?

Whatever. She was a big girl!

So… she went for it.

  Anna: Pretty great, I’d say.

Especially since I get to see you!

Kristoff: You’re too nice to me Anna lol.

The feeling is definitely mutual tho.

  Anna tried not to squeal at the thought of Kristoff being excited to see her. But… while she had him—she may as well ask.

  Anna: This isn’t a formal event, is it?

Kristoff: God no. Just wear something casual.

Anna: Great! Okay!

Kristoff: See you soon, Anna!

  It was nearing ten by that time… Maybe, she should start getting ready. She’d rather be ready early than frantically getting herself together last minute. With that, she took to her vanity. Turning on the radio, she listened to tunes softly as she primed her face and started her typical routine. She decided to draw on brows and falsies would definitely be a part of the look.

She hadn’t realized how difficult makeup was becoming. Her fingertips tingled, a numbness stinging through them as she tried to swipe the eyeshadow along her lid. Despite her frustration, she stuck through it. Anna wasn’t going to let this get in her way—well, until it did. The tremor in her fingers sent eyeliner smudging along her shadow.

A string of curses left her lips as she stomped to the bathroom to wipe away her eye makeup to start over. There was a tiny knock at her bedroom door, and she called out for whoever to come in from the bathroom doorway.

Elsa stepped in, searching around the room before peaking into the bathroom. “Anna? What’s going on? I heard you swear.”

Sighing, she turned to look at her sister—who immediately seemed to understand when seeing the smeared mess along her lids.

Elsa put a hand to her lips. “Oh, Anna… You want me to help?”

Anna nodded despite the stinging tears of frustration she blinked from her eyes. Elsa pulled the chair to the vanity back out and the younger sister took a seat. Even if Anna was annoyed that she was unable to do her own makeup, it was nice to have this time with Elsa. She did feel a slight twinge of guilt that her older sister was doing this instead of working. She was sure Elsa was missing a video conference for this, but she appreciated it, nonetheless.

They chatted idly. Elsa asking what she was wearing so she knew what colors to pursue. Anna told her the look she was originally going for. Her sister nodded, redoing the eyeshadow that Anna had wiped away. She’d never want to admit it, but Elsa was much better at this than she was. The elder sister often got bored being locked up in her room, so when she had asked for makeup, their mother had gleefully obliged. Anything to keep Elsa happy. But it was fine—she’d had much more practice than Anna. Who had enjoyed looking plain until then. Until she had a reason to doll herself up.

How Elsa could do a perfect look wing, attach the false lashes, and plump them up with mascara so easily was something Anna could not understand. Anna wasn’t bad at it—but Elsa was an expert, definitely.

“You’re so good at this,” Anna murmured.

Elsa hummed. “Had a lot of practice.”

“I know… I guess I’m getting practice for the same reasons now.”

Her brows quirked at that. Sighing, her sister picked up the blush. “Yeah. We’ve certainly had it different…”

“We’re going to be okay though… Right?” Anna asked with a small smile.

“Yes. Definitely.”

“Together forever?”

Elsa chuckled. “Of course,” she replied leaning up with a smirk. “Until you leave me to live happily ever after with Kristoff, that is.”

Anna felt her cheeks heat at that. “Hey! He could easily move into this mansion.”

Snorting, her sister took the brow pencil and started creating the shape. “Yeah, sure. Kristoff doesn’t seem like the ‘mansion’ type.”

“You never know,” she retorted with a shrug.

“Stay still.”

Anna squeaked. “Sorry!”

She had to admit how impressed she was that Elsa was able to mimic the light auburn of her natural brows. Her natural eyebrows had never been very dark to begin with, so the look was very organic. A rosy natural hue on her cheeks that didn’t cover her freckles was dusted along her face. Elsa brushed powered across her face, setting the look. She put on a light pink lipstick with some gloss to complete it. She added a bit of highlight to her nose and cupid’s bow before spraying her with setting spray.

Elsa spun Anna’s chair letting her look in the mirror. “Well? What do you think?”

She simply gaped when she saw her reflection. “Elsa… this is beautiful! Thank you!”

Her sister laughed, accepting the hug that Anna threw her direction. Elsa tapped her shoulder, before pushing her gently back to arms-length. “You’re always beautiful. Remember that, okay, Anna?”

“Okay,” she felt herself whisper. It was more of a gasp, if she was honest.

It felt so hard to accept that she could be beautiful like this. She wasn’t what anyone would consider desirable. Not anymore, at least. Maybe she was on the cusp of attractive when she was with Hans, but she doubted it. It was clear the man only dated her—proposed to her—because he wanted her money. He saw Anna as a meal ticket to Elsa’s buffet of cash if her health was to decline suddenly. It made her question everything. She doubted every compliment Hans ever gave her. He was a liar—a manipulator. So, what was true and what wasn’t?

Elsa seemed to notice her spiraling, squeezing her shoulders in a comforting gesture. “You are. You always have been.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and you still are. Cancer doesn’t change that. Even if it did, your beauty on the inside holds no bounds.”

Anna felt herself tearing up, but quickly blinked away the incoming tide. She’d cry more if she messed up the gorgeous makeup her sister just painted on her face.

“Thank you, Elsa.”

Her sister smiled, pressing a light kiss to her temple. “I’ll leave you to it. If you need anymore help, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” Anna replied, tension in her shoulders suddenly melting away at her sister’s kind words.

With that, Elsa left the room. With all the grace she always had. Sometimes Anna longed to be like her sister. To be so put together and strong-willed. But it was times like these where she was reminded that it was okay to just be Anna.

Checking the time, her heart stuttered seeing that it was eleven. She only had an hour before Kristoff would be at her door. Oh, God. Oh, God!

Anna quickly rid herself of her robe, pulling on her panties in a flash. She debated putting on the stuffed bra but decided against it. The crop top was flowy enough that her chest wouldn’t be noticeable either way.

So, she tugged on her shorts and top, careful not to touch her face when she pulled the shirt over her head. Looking over herself in the mirror, she couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. Her beanie, maybe? Sure, she could add that. And a colorful cardigan to accompany it as well? Yes, that worked. Something still didn’t feel right. Maybe this wasn’t exactly a date, but she really wanted it to be one. Even if she knew that dating was probably not something she was entirely ready for. She was okay with it being a date in her mind, but not actually putting a label on it aloud.

Eyeing the wig that sat next to her dress, Anna chewed her lip. She’d always opted out of wearing it, but Elsa had gotten it for her just in case. It matched the auburn waves of her natural hair. Maybe—just maybe that was the missing piece?

Maybe it’d be better with the wig? Maybe it’d bring less attention to the two of them? Kristoff could very well be uncomfortable with the attention she attracted. God knows she’d already brought attention to him in public. Wouldn’t it be nice for her to go out and look… normal? Would Kristoff like normal?

Anna took off her beanie for the moment, putting on the wig and ignoring the itch along her scalp. She placed the beanie back over the wig before looking over herself in the mirror. Her chest tightened at the sight. This was—weird. She didn’t look sick. Didn’t look like her hands should be tingling, didn’t look like her bruised arms were from constant IV pricks—didn’t look like her truth. It felt like a lie. She longed to look how confident she felt, but this felt wrong. In so many ways. But maybe… Kristoff would like this?

There was a light rap at her door. Anna assumed Elsa was returning. Or even Gerda was popping in the check on her.

She ran her hands along the wig. “Come in,” she called, not even turning to the door.

It was certainly surprising when a very male voice said “woah” from her doorway.

Jumping with a start, Anna turned to Kristoff standing there. Her breath hitched at the sight of him. His eyes were wide, jaw slightly ajar as he looked at her.

She watched him swallow as he stared at her. “W-What’s with the—?” he gestured to his own hair with a hand.

Anna gripped the wig, eyes flickering away from him nervously. “O-Oh, I just—It was there and I—um.”

He smiled slightly, approaching her. She pursed her lips as he approached, a bit stunned when he was suddenly invading her personal space. Kristoff grabbed a chunk of the wig, running the strands between his fingers before giving it a rough tug. Anna gasped when the wig was off her head and in his hands.

“You don’t need it,” he murmured.

A bright flush spread along her cheeks. Was she that easy to read? Sure, she hated the wig. But Kristoff didn’t know that.

“I-I… What do you mean?”

He glanced down at the hair and back to her. “I’ve never seen you wear a wig. I don’t want you to feel like you have to wear one because you’re going out with—uh—somewhere with me.”

Blinking, Anna gaped. She took the wig from him, staring down at the hair. “I just—I don’t know. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want the attention. I thought—I thought it’d be better if I looked normal.”

Kristoff reached out, hesitating for a moment before his palm timidly touched the bare skin of her scalp. His touch was gentle as he ran a hand down her head, behind her ear, and to her shoulder. “Normal is overrated. You look perfect to me.”

Anna swallowed, her heart pounding in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Clearing his throat, Kristoff’s hand suddenly retreated from her person. “O-Of course, you can wear it if you want. I’m not going to get in the way of you doing you. I just don’t want you to feel obligated because of me.”

She wouldn’t dare tell him that he was the reason she was considering the wig. Of course, Kristoff had never made her feel bad about herself. Never made her feel like he wouldn’t accept her. Or be embarrassed by her…

Glancing down at the wig, she looked back up at him. Finally, she let herself smile at him. True and genuine. Oh, how she ached for this man. He was truly too good. She turned, placing the wig back on its head. Kristoff was ready and waiting with her beanie when she spun back around to him. Anna couldn’t help but giggle as he placed the pink beanie back on her head.

“Thank you, Kristoff.”

His cheeks pinked before he coughed and glanced away shyly. “Y-Yeah. No problem.”

Anna chose not to giggle at the crack in his voice. She held up a finger to him, telling him to wait a moment while she treaded over to her jewelry box. Snapping on a small pair of hoop earrings and a sun-shaped necklace she turned to him with a beam.

“Look good?”

He nodded feverishly, the blush on his cheeks spreading towards his ears. She chose not to think too much of it. The last thing she wanted was to call him out and embarrass him further. Besides, she didn’t know why he was blushing anyway. Kristoff could think she was cute without wanting to date her, right?

Right?

After slipping on a pair of converses, she followed Kristoff out the door. Elsa waved them off with a knowing grin. Anna chose to ignore the implications of her sister’s smirk, and instead followed Kristoff out the door like the little love-sick puppy she knew she was.

                                                        o~o~o~o

 Her “not date” with Kristoff was even better than Anna had imagined it would be. It was so natural to be around him, despite her nervousness. She would still stutter on words, feel her cheeks heat occasionally. But talking to Kristoff was fun. He had a similar sense of humor to her, she appreciated that he was a hard worker…

Kristoff was so empathetic to her situation, but never made her feel pitied. It was odd, to say the least. She wasn’t sure what to make of him. But she knew she liked him. And that mattered most.

Anna knew there was no way she’d be able to eat most of the things on the menu. She opted for an onion soup with a side of mashed potatoes. Unsurprisingly, Kristoff ordered a steak with his own side of mashed potatoes and extra fries. He definitely seemed like the type of man to eat a hefty amount of meat and starchy foods. It amazed her, really, that she’d never met someone as broad as him. Kristoff was just—a large man in general.

And… it was time to stop those thoughts right there.

As Anna sipped on her water, they fell into a small silence after the waitress left with their orders. It suddenly dawned on her that there was something they hadn’t talked about yet.

“Wait, we’ve never talked about your dog,” she blurted quickly.

Kristoff chuckled at that, taking a drink of his coke with a grin. “Yeah, we haven’t talked about Sven, have we?”

She couldn’t help but coo. “Aw, his name is Sven? What type of dog is he?”

“He’s a Bernese Mountain.”

Anna practically squealed. “Oh! So, he’s a big one!”

Nodding, he smirked. “Yes, definitely. And needy. Hates being alone all day.”

“I’ve always wanted a big dog, but Elsa would never,” she laughed. “I don’t even know with Elsa’s health if we could have a dog, but if we did then it’d have to be a small one.”

“Really? Elsa has some health problems too?”

Oh. She hadn’t mentioned that part, huh? It was a weird thought. Usually, anyone would know of Elsa’s issues first. Anna had always come second to her sister’s health. But here was Kristoff—paying attention entirely to her and learning of Elsa’s problems later.

Anna nodded. “Yes, Elsa has had chronic respiratory illnesses since we were kids. And well…” she paused, trailing off. She gazed at her lap, unsure if she should really elaborate on the situation.

But he was looking at her so expectantly. His head tilted so innocently as he sipped his soda again—eye contact never leaving her own. Kristoff wouldn’t push. She knew he wouldn’t. He was giving her an out to drop the subject if she didn’t want to continue.

“Honestly, her health overshadowed me. My parents paid a lot more attention to Elsa than they ever did me—a-and that made sense. I understand. She needed more care than I did but still I—” Anna stopped when she saw his surprised expression. She groaned, running a hand along her cheek. “I probably sound really selfish, huh? I never wanted for anything. My parents had money which meant I had any toy a child could ever beg for.”

Kristoff cut in. “You did want though, didn’t you? You wanted your parents to see you.”

She fiddled her thumbs in her lap, glancing away from him. “I mean, I guess so.”

“It’s okay to feel abandoned. It… It takes a while to come to terms with it.”

Anna hummed, nodding and quickly grabbing her water to nurse on. It seemed like an out. She definitely didn’t want to start sobbing at a restaurant. She was trying to get Kristoff to like her, not give him the impression that she was a crybaby.

Scratching at his cheek, Kristoff seemed a bit at war with himself. His adam’s apple bobbed, and Anna tried her best not to track the motion. She’d never been attracted to a man’s neck before, and yet, there she was.

“Not to make this conversation too heavy, but I know how that feels. I’m adopted.”

She nearly choked on her water at his confession. “Oh?”

Nodding, he smiled. “Thankfully, I have an amazing family. But I couldn’t help but wonder why my birth parents didn’t want me, you know? Was it something I did? Could I have changed their minds? But… you just ruin yourself with thoughts like that.”

“I… Wow. Thank you for being honest with me.”

Kristoff laughed, waving a noncommittal hand. “It’s a not a big deal. I used to—well—I used to hide it. I was really conservative and didn’t like people. Kept to myself… I was kind of—ugh.”

“Grumpy?” she guessed.

Snorting, he agreed. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. And there’s nothing to say I’m not still grumpy sometimes now. But I’ve gotten better.”

They shared a small laugh at that before the waitress returned with their food and some drink refills. Anna waited a moment for her onion soup to cool as Kristoff started munching on his fries.

“So, how have your counts been?” he asked.

Anna blinked. Was he asking what she thought he was asking? How could he bring up her cancer treatment so casually? Had they discussed her blood count before?

She chose not to overthink the question and just answer him honestly. “They’re still a little higher than Dr. Mattias would like, but he’s optimistic they’ll return to normal sooner rather than later. Besides, my chemo is mostly for precaution. They took the lymph nodes from—” Anna gestured between her arm pit and where her breast used to be. “so, he’s confident nothing will spread. It’s just to kill anything extra that could try to come back.”

The way Kristoff looked at her was… different. Like he knew. Like he understood. His head just bobbed as she spoke, his attention completely on her like he held onto to every word she spoke.

“It wasn’t in a high stage then?” he asked as he began cutting into his steak.

Anna shook her head. “Stage two, thankfully. It was really aggressive though, so we had to act fast.”

Kristoff hummed in agreement as he took a bite. “How long have you been on chemo?” he questioned after swallowing.

“Three months. I was diagnosed six months ago as of like two days ago.”

He acknowledged her answer as he went for another bite. Anna watched him for a moment before quickly realizing she wasn’t eating. When she took her spoon into her hands, the numbing tingles stung through her fingers. Ignoring the feeling, she scooped up the onion soup. Only some of the sensations reached her taste buds—but she mostly just felt warmth. It sucked not being able to enjoy how things tasted anymore, but Dr. Mattias reassured her that all of that would return once her body was done with chemo. She was thankful the menu featured foods she could swallow without aching sharp pains hitting her tongue or cheeks.

With each spoonful, Anna would pause and let whatever flavors she could find linger along her tongue. It wasn’t much, but she could at least feel a twinge of salt and onion on her taste buds. It was better than nothing, she decided.

“How is it?” Kristoff was staring at her, brows pinched.

Was she making weird faces? Oh, God. She probably was. Anna had just been sitting there with soup in her mouth.

“It’s—um…”

“Can’t taste it?”

She sighed, nodding despite not wanting to admit it. “Yeah, I haven’t been able to taste for a while. Just—Just don’t tell Elsa, please. She doesn’t know.”

He was confused at that. “Why haven’t you told her?”

“She has her own burdens. I don’t want to bother her with mine.”

“She’s your sister. She’ll understand.”

Anna grimaced, gulping down more spoonfuls of soup. “I’m just—I’m not ready to tell her. I don’t want her to know what chemo is doing to me. I know she’ll understand, but I don’t… I don’t want her to start taking care of me. Elsa has been doctored and coddled her whole life and that the first chance she could do that to me instead she gets… overbearing.”

“Like she’s projecting?”

“Yeah,” Anna nodded quickly.

After finishing the small bowl of soup, Anna started on the mashed potatoes. Despite all these carbs, she knew this wouldn’t fill her up. The soup and mashed potatoes were small portions since they were intended to be sides.

“Haven’t told her about the ulcers either then?”

She gasped at that. “Are you—How do you know that?”

Anna didn’t want to admit he was freaking her out by reading her mind.

But damn. He certainly was.

He shrugged. “I just know a lot of chemo side-effects. The way you eat tells me a lot.”

“Oh, wow. Analyzing how a girl eats is certainly a way to flatter her.”

Panic quickly took over his features. “I-I didn’t mean—”

“Kristoff, I was joking.”

Clearly flustered, he scarfed another piece of steak in his mouth before shoving his mashed potatoes towards her. Anna just stared between him and the dish before he nodded to coax her to take them.

“I figured you may need another helping. It’s not very large serving sizes on the sides.”

There was something about him she just—didn’t get. How did he make chemo so casual? Cancer so casual? How did he know so much? How did he figure her out so well? It just—wowed her. And freaked her out. She’d never been so easily read in her life. Maybe, she was telling him things she didn’t remember? She didn’t want to admit that she could forget their conversations so easily. But she did. Chemo brain was a true pain in the ass.

The twinge in her fingers finally won out. She hitched when a spasm hit her quickly, sending her fork flying to the floor. Hissing, she tried to ignore the eyes on her when she bent over to look for it. Sparing a glance at Kristoff, he noticed him holding out his spoon.

“Here, take mine.”

Anna took the spoon from his hand, shocked from his instant reaction. He left his seat, bending down to retrieve her fallen fork. He set it to the side of the table when he returned.

“You know, physical therapy can help that,” he told her.

Blinking, her heart fluttered in her chest. This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real. There was no way that he just—didn’t care? He was so attentive. Knew much more about this than she did.

“Have you, like, researched cancer or something?” Anna blurted.

Kristoff appeared taken aback by the question. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. Am I coming across like a know-it-all? I have a bad habit of just trying to fix things all the time. If I’m making you uncomfortable, Anna, just tell me. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

“Are you—I’m not just some charity case to you, am I?”

“What? No, of course not.”

It didn’t make sense. He knew so much. It almost scared her. It made her feel like there was nothing she could keep hidden. Why was he doing this? Suggesting all these things? Making her feel this way? It was—she didn’t know.

“Then—Is this a date?” Do you like me?  Was left unspoken on her tongue.

His eyes went wide with that. Scratching his cheek, he shied away as his cheeks flushed. “It’s—I didn’t mean to come on so strong, I’m sorry. This is just—I know a lot about it, like I said. I didn’t mean to make you feel like—like this was a pity date or something. It’s not. I—When I first saw you at the coffee shop I thought you were the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Her mind wanted to shout that he was lying. But not everyone was Hans. She knew that. So, why was she allowing herself to jump from conclusion to conclusion? So, Kristoff knew a lot about chemo treatment, knew side-effects and was concerned for her. That makes him wonderful, doesn’t it? Why did she feel so invaded? God, she was going to ruin this before it even began if she put her walls up. Staying open minded was her best option. She had to trust him. Knew she could. He hadn’t given her a reason not to.

All of his texts over the week had been kind and caring. It was the same he was doing now. Looking out for her. Someone he’d just met. That told her all she needed to know about him, didn’t it?

“Sorry, I just… I’m so used to the pity by now. When you started asking so many questions I started getting defensive in my mind and… I think you’re pretty handsome.”

He giggled—he giggled and rubbed a hand through his blonde locks. “T-Thanks. I’m sorry. I just—I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Reaching across the table, Anna smiled and placed her hand over his. “Thank you, Kristoff, really.”

His lips twitched into a smirk. “Yes, by the way. This is a date.”

Anna couldn’t help the girlish giggle that bubbled from her lips.

She wanted to kick herself for getting so overwhelmed by his concerned thoughts. But… she’d never been doted on before. It was new to her entirely. Kristoff asking her so many things, knowing so many things about what she was going through had her so taken aback. But now she knew, his intentions were the same as hers. This was a thing. A small thing, maybe, but a thing. And it made her giddy just thinking about falling in love again. With someone who actually cared.

Anna knew she’d have to admit that she had an ex-fiancé at some point, but after how intense the conversation had already gotten—she decided it best to save that one for another day.

They fell into a silence for a moment before Kristoff finally changed the topic from something heavy. “So, you want to see pictures of Sven?”

Anna nearly spit her potatoes out to agree as he chuckled and pulled his phone out.

[theluckyyyoneee]

Superficial

Seokjin is very picky about, well, everything. What he eats, his clothes, who his friends are and most importantly who he chooses to date. You don’t add up to his qualifications, with your messy hair and carefree attitude, something he lets known to you when he mistakenly thinks you’re staring at him. College AU!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3: Finale

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word Count: 2.2+k

not my gif^

“This is the break room, there’s a vending machine and a coffee machine, you guys can relax in here during your breaks.” You informed the small group of freshman, their youthful faces filled with amazement as they took in the moderately sized room. 

You smiled at their expressions and was about to move on when you heard your name being called by a familiar obnoxious voice from across the open building. 

Face scrunching up in a grimace, you slowly turned around and faced a beaming Seokjin, looking effortless in some ripped jeans and pink sweater.

A pink fucking sweater that looked really good on him.

Forcing yourself out of those kinds of thoughts, you controlled your expression and shooed him away, knowing his next class was clear across campus and that he had no time to fool around. 

You could hear his infamous laugh clear from where you stood as he waved goodbye enthusiastically and literally skipped away.

Feeling your energy drained just from his presence, you sighed and took awhile to reboot while the freshman girls you were touring swooned.

“Oh my god, that was Kim Seokjin!”

“How is he so handsome!”

“I can die happy now!”

“Y/N unnie, you know him? He called your name just now,”

At that last comment, you looked at them to find their expectant eyes already trained on you and you choked out a small laugh as you slowly nodded. “Yes, he’s my friend.” You trailed off, the word friend leaving a weird taste on your tongue.

“Really? Can you introduce us to him sometime please?”

“I heard that he used to be kind of mean but over the last few months, he’s been really friendly to everyone!”

Yeah, he better be fucking friendly, you thought to yourself silently, urging them to follow you down the hall to the admins office. All that time you spent teaching him right from wrong, all the social niceties he had never learned really drained you for months. 

But you couldn't help the small smile that graced your lips after dropping them off to pick up their schedules that all your time together seemed worth it now that he was behaving like a proper citizen.

You really weren't planning on having anything to do with Kim Seokjin ever again.

You really weren't.

But damn that Min Yoongi and his way with words that it feel like you were the one who needed to apologize.

So naturally, the first day after your break had ended, you were on your way home after classes and who did you see sitting all by their lonesome on a bench, just staring up into the sky like he was filming a movie or something?

Yep, that's right.

The words that had kept you up countless nights were currently repeating over and over in your head and you exhaled a heavy breath and made your way to where he was, sitting next to him so silently and swiftly he jumped and screamed a bit louder than you were expecting, fighting off a laugh at his unexpected cute behavior.

But before you could even get a word in, his expression displayed recognition and before you knew it, he was seated next to you once again, spewing apology after apology.

"I'm so sorry, I've had awhile to think about what I said and I was an asshole. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am, and I'm going to stop being so superficial. I realized I want people to like me for me, and not just for my appearance and-"

You felt a headache coming on just from his rambling and you hurried to cover his mouth with your hand before he could say another word, taking a moment to relish in the profound silence you were blessed with as he continued to stare at you wide eyed and you quickly removed your hand from his mouth.

"I forgive you. I forgive you, before you start all that ranting again." You told him and you hated the way your heart rate increased with the sight of Seokjin's beaming smile that could blind even the sun.

"Really?"

You nodded with a smile and made a move to stand up. You had said all you wanted to, so you figured there was no use in staying any longer. "I wish you luck in…" you trailed off, not really knowing what to say. "trying to become less superficial?" It came out as a question, but he was still smiling at you so you shrugged and took a step to be on your way before he caught your wrist.

Looking at him in confusion, you blinked at him while you watched him struggle with his words. "Can you… will you help me?"

You didn't know what he meant by help, but you agreed for some reason and willingly put yourself through hell for months, and this was basically what you went through:

"So it's not polite to go up to someone and rate them from a scale of one to ten?"

"…Oh my god, no."

"…And it's not okay to refer people to plastic surgeons?"

"What the fuck, no!"

"And pulling out a mirror to look at myself while out with someone is a no, too, then?"

You remember being really dumbfounded by that one.

"I'm fucking leaving, I can't do this,"

"No, wait!"

Somehow, even through all that, you found joy in his company even though he was a literal ball of energy that never tired out, you had fun being with him and his unexpected sense of humor that was a mix between dad puns and knock knock jokes.

Another thing you really did not see coming.

Yoongi and you had so much in common, it was like you were the same person but in two different bodies. Naturally, the more time you spent with Jin, the more time you spent with Hoseok and Yoongi.

You and Hoseok got along fine, he was a bit more on the flirty side than you were completely comfortable with but then you realized that it was just his personality, but you felt a lot closer to Yoongi than you did with him.

Having the same taste in music and books, the two of you took care of each other casually and often without realizing it. The two of you had the same ‘you-don’t-wanna-mess-with-me-but-once-i-like-you-i’m-really-nice attitude.

And then Hoseok had decided to try and tease the two of you.

"So what's goin' on between you two, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows up and down in a provocative manner and the two of you sent him a glare in regards to his question.

Yoongi was currently helping you out of your jacket as the four of you sat at his kitchen table as Seokjin watched intently, not even joining in on the conversation like he usually would. His expression was deadly serious and his jaw was clenched shut.

Sifting through his behavior over the last few weeks, you decided that Jin was indeed acting a bit strange, even for him. He was a lot more clingy and touchy, and you hated the way your body reacted whenever his hand would find the small of your back, or reach to push a strand of your wild hair back behind your ear.

Or how he would get that little pout when you told him you had plans with someone else, demanding you to give him their name and their number, their address, etc.

Which set off bells in your head, telling you that he was jealous, but you shooed that thought away.

Even though he's become a much better person, you didn't doubt that you were far from his type.

Like he said, he didn't date girls like you.

And why did those words that once infuriated you make your heart ache in the present? 

A pained yelp escaping from Hoseok's mouth shakes you out of your thoughts and you laugh and stick your tongue out at him as he switches his glare to you.

Yoongi totally just kicked him underneath the table.

"Nothing's goin' on between us," Yoongi's gruff tone answered to him as he rubbed his leg with his hand, pain still etched on his handsome, yet annoying features. But he shocked you by throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close, something the boys in front certainly did not miss.

"Even if there was, we don't have to tell you anything."

"Ah, oppa," you teased him with a smile as you leaned further into his embrace to which he was suddenly pushing you away with a look of disgust to which you made a face at him.

The chair Seokjin was sitting in scraped across the hardwood floor as he jumped up and stomped away to who knows where with a scowl on his face.

“Oh, looks like lover boy’s jealous~” Hoseok sang after him, but you just shook your head at their antics and tried to not that dangerous feeling hope of him seeing you as more than a friend consume you.

But by the time a few hours had passed, Jin still hasn’t shown up and you cursed yourself when you realized he had been in his room all along.

“Okay, what’s up?” You sighed as you took a seat next to him.

“What?” His head hung low and his enormous shoulders caved in on themselves as he didn’t even try to lift his head to look at you.

“What do you mean what? Why are you so upset?”

He heaved a heavy sigh and readjusted his sitting position so he was facing you. His bottom lip jutted out in a pout and he looked at you with those damn puppy dog eyes as he said, “Why do you treat Yoongi better than you treat me?”

“What?”

“Do you like him more than you like me?”

“...What?”

"I know you're still mad at me for calling you ugly…"

"You didn't necessarily call me ugly...” You muttered.

"Right? I didn't! But that's what you called me!"

"I called your personality ugly, you're actually very handsome, Jinny,"

He faltered a bit with his next verbal attack at the compliment or the use of the nickname you rarely ever used on him-you didn't know which-and cleared his throat, his cheeks and tips of his ears tinted a pink that matched his sweater.

"…Do you still think I'm ugly?" He uttered those words so softly you almost didn't hear him, lucky that there was no other noise at the moment, and you knew what he was referring to but you couldn't help but tease him a bit.

"I never called you ugly~" You sang with a grin and you saw a ghost of a smile finally crack his gloomy facade. He shoved you softly with his shoulders and you shook your head at him, still smiling. “No I don’t think you’re ugly. You’re actually very likable and sweet once I got to know you.” You answered truthfully, watching him duck his head as a shy smile graced his plump lips.

“Enough to be your boyfriend?”

His words made you freeze and if it wasn’t for your chest elevating with your staggered breaths one might mistake you for a statue. Eyes wide, he shot his head to look at you from your ongoing silence and he rushed to say, “If you don’t like me that way that’s fine, I just figured I’d ask anyway but I know that you probably like Yoongi...”

“You said you didn’t date girls like me,” you told him, not completely believing the words that were escaping his mouth at the moment.

A grimace graced his features as he remembered himself telling you those words and his eyes were downcast as he said softly, almost to himself, “That was the old me... I just... I really like you and you’re so beautiful-even more beautiful than me-which is saying a lot! But I understand if you don’t want t-”

Placing your hands on his defined jawline, you tilted his head towards yours and kissed those lips you’ve been dreaming about for the last few months, noting how soft and plump and warm they were.

You pulled away softly and a bit hesitantly and you had trouble looking at his awestruck expression straight on, feeling your body flush. “If you’re really serious about wanting to be my boyfriend... then I’ll do you the favor of accepting, I guess.” You tried to play it off, but your facade crumbled as he exclaimed in what you guessed was joy, squishing your body to his in a giant hug.

Your cheeks burned with the numerous times he thanked you, heart beating erratically as he brought his face close to yours once again, whispering another ‘thank you’ and kissed you with more passion than you’ve ever been kissed with before.

“Ya Min Yoongi, we have people making out in here!” Hoseok’s voice suddenly screamed from the now open door and the two of you broke apart, embarrassment filling the both of you at being caught in an intimate position, which not too long later turned to annoyance.

Exhaling a heavy breath, you closed your eyes to calm yourself down as you felt and heard Seokjin spring up from his seated position and heard the once calm Hoseok screech as they chased each other through the house.

You hated Jung Hoseok. That cheeky bastard.

tag list: @pwinny00 @fuckthatfeeling 

it’s finally over omg! i had so much fun writing this and i just wanna say thnx to everyone who read it and enjoyed and the ppl telling me how much they liked it rlly makes me happy!

[dredshirtroberts]

Best buckle up buttercupz cause this bout to get splodie

Everything will be under a cut because there is high probability this gets TMI really fuckin’ quick and y’all don’t need that in your lives unless you really give that much of a shit about my bedroom activities.

As those who have been with me previously know, this is all stream of consciousness and also apparently my brain has forgotten most spelling rules so if shit starts not looking like words, it’s not you i promise.

.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one. I’ve got...a lot of things to go over.

So. If you’ve been following my adventures as of late, I decided to follow a whim and go with a guy I barely know up to Pittsburgh to help him get all his shit out of his old apartment and bring it back down this way close to where I live. 

Things to note about this guy: I met him...uh...2??? weeks ago??? on Bumble which is Tinder but less shitty (but still kinda shitty).

Uh...maybe backing up even more???

*headdesk* oh damn this is a lot hang on.

So. End of April I finally ended things for good with my long term boyfriend. Teal deer, things did not go smoothly there and shit ended badly when I was finally able to move out at the beginning of May. There were like...2ish weeks where we were broke up and I was still living with him.

I’ve had some pretty whacked out emotional responses to this upheaval. I legitimately thought he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted that. But he was abusive and not willing to take responsibility for his part in the end of our relationship. So that sucked, but I apparently hadn’t loved him in ages so that part was less painful. I have been far more broken up about losing my two boys in the end of the relationship. I legitimately feel like I’ve lost my children and that fucking sucks and no one fucking understands cause 1) they’re cats and 2) no one i know has done this and had to leave their babies, they usually got to keep their babies. and that’s fucking...

ANYWAY.

About a month? ish ago? I decide fuck it I think I can handle brief and casual attachments so I can have regular sex for the first time in YEARS. cause of course we move in together and the well dries up completely so like, that was not fun. Have a high sex drive and apparently he did not. Anyway, having fun meeting dudes, casual sex and figuring out how to navigate single life and hookup culture. 

There are a couple guys who are prospective long term candidates but like...idek if that’s what I want out of any of this??? because I’m still healing? and trying to keep my feet up underneath me in more than a few ways. I’m also trying to keep my trauma on the DL cause it’s really fucking easy for people to take advantage of me and my issues - it’s kind of how I keep getting into shit relationship situations.

So, like. Tinder and Bumble are fun because I forget that it’s meant to be for meeting people? I just like being super shallow and “sorting” my choices into “yeah I could see having a connection with that one” and “absolutely the fuck not”. I’m 27 and kind of a terrible person on the inside. I overcompensate by being a fucking kindness deathray so i think there’s balance maybe.

Dude comes across my bumble and the fun thing with bumble is if you’re showing as W4M on there, you get to initiate contact. Which is terrifying at first until you realize you literally only have to say hi. So yeah, dude is hella cute, profile doesn’t suck, I swipe like (right, I think?). It’s a match! I open with a simple hi. basic chitchat, whatever.

we go out for a date to a location close by that I actually trust because oh hey he’s moving down this way and has good taste in bars. Food and drinks are had. Take him back to mine cause like, he’s fuckin GORGEOUS. and funny. and smart. 

And he’s like “yeah I’ll spend the night, but I won’t fuck you til we’re sobered up.” Which, i mean, be still my beating heart, yeah? (I WARNED you this was going to be TMI y’all. if this is already too much I totes get it, it’s likely not going to be any better further on). So we go to sleep, and maybe I have a hard time sleepign but I’ve *had* a hard time sleeping. We wake up, do the sexing, and then he buys me coffee. Like, not only did he pay for the entire date the night before, tell me he will not have sex with me while there’s a chance i might be drunk, is just fucking...amazing in bed, but he BUYS ME COFFEE.

So like, alright, this is one I’ll keep around for a while cause I’m doing casual shit, yeah? nothing serious, nothing with attachments. no strings. just free food and sex.

Oh and did I mention he’s a cuddler???? but like? a cuddler that cuddles the way I like cuddling???? do you *know* how hard it is to find that??? I’m apparently very specific in my cuddle preferences. 

So whatever, we exchange numbers (which I do not do with people from these apps until I’m comfortable with them). He’s also got multiple girls he’s seeing right now and that’s totally chill and like, it’s clear nothing���s going to go quickly here, just fun.

Talking - he’s very clever and does the sentence making doing well. He and one of the other girls he’s seeing goes up to P-burgh to begin the great migration, he calls me while he’s out there, and he’s got some shit going on in his life and I’m like, that’s some drama you’ve got there. It’s shitty for you, hope it gets better, yeah? They come back down, and he drops by to hang out and grab some of the shit he left at mines. He’s waiting to get into his new place nearby, and he needs a place to stash his stuff and I have a relatively safely located appartment so I’m like. I think I got a corner for some shit. Then he’s like “hey, wanna go to [area he’s moving to where his parents also live]” and I’m like, sure. I’m down for a quick road trip.

we’re out that way and he’s like “Hey there’s this park this way and there’s a lodge or whatever I think you’ll like” and I”m like, “k I like parks!” and as we travel out and he’s telling me about it I’m realizing this is not like...slide and swingset park, this is national park style stuff. And I’m like ‘Oh shiiiit I know where we’re going he’s right I do like it!’ we get out there and it’s rainy but we hike a little for s&gs, and then he’s like let’s go inside and all the sudden we’re getting a room for the night???? and this is not your momma’s motor-hotel on the side of the road, this is a kinda swanky lodge and i’m like???? okay???? wish i’d known or i’da packed better for an overnight???

so like...yeah I have a great time, it’s beautiful out there. Like...idk if any of you are familiar with the Blue Ridge Mountains, but the fuckin’...the Parkway y’all. Is one of my favorite places to be and this is right the fuck there and it’s great. The weather’s nice, the food is delicious, clearly I enjoy the company, I have a blast.

We stay the night, get up in the morning and head back to mine and we chill for a minute and I change clothes cause eww i’m wearing clothes I’ve hiked in. I get comfy and ready for a nice day chillin at home. And he’s like “So. Wanna come up to Pittsburgh with me?” I’m now I’m familiar with his planning methods which are none. So i figure it’s a quick overnight, maybe 2 nights and I’m like “Fuck it, sure.” I pack a little better but I’m wearing my contacts and I’m like “I can totally sleep in these a couple nights and be fine” and I just kinda...am in his car on a 7+hr drive to Pennsylvania. 

And he’s really easy to get along with. Of course for some reason my period just shows up 3 weeks early out of fucking nowhere which put a little damper on shit but I didn’t have to worry because we weren’t only spending a couple nights up there. We spent nearly a week up there for...reeaassoonnnns?????

I wait til day 3 and I’m like “So...uh, idk if you know this but I had no idea we’d be up here this long or i’d have brought another outfit? and some toiletries?” And he is like... “Um...I didn’t mean to like, abduct you or anything. do you need me to take you back???” To which I respond that all I want is an idea of how long he’s planning on being up there so i can best make adjustments where necessary and that the only date I *have* to be back for is my sister’s bday which is Friday. 

This is all fine and we work it out, but I realize that he doesn’t do “planning” apparently. So I get really good at being proactive with trying to figure out what his expectations are.

He’s your typical 28yo white cishet dude. You know what I’m talking about, so some of the stuff I expressed concerns with, I am trying to temper with the fact that he’s literally just as dumb about the world as my dad is and my dad’s a decent person - an idiot about how the world actually works but a decent person. 

And like? It’s really annoying being near him because he does everything the way I specifically like it? And I never said a damn thing??? because I don’t talk about my particular eccentricities wrt my preferences in how i like being touched/shown affection/cuddled? So he wouldn’t know??? 

Really fucking annoying cause I’m trying very hard to make it so my heart doesn’t take over when I’m really trying hard to be chill and casual and clearly he is just wanting to be casual and shit but then he says things? and it’s like...so off-handed and flip but gives my heart the flutters because?? maybe there’s more than just a small potential?

I get real tetchy on my period and put up with a lot less, i was also less than properly medicated so that did not help, but like...I never got to the point I used to get to with my exes where I just...couldn’t handle being around them or their normal ass selves. This guy does things that are annoying sure, and I had less patience for it than normal and then like 2 seconds later he’s literally out of one of my romantic fantasies about how i would like the perfect guy to treat me? and be around me? 

*sigh* 

Anyway, I had a great time in Pittsburgh cause I’d never been and he found my weakness because I’m a ho for some museums and art and shit and he took me to the carnegie mellon museums and let me just wander around like a doof with my jaw on the floor the whole time. Also we did some other stuff and he took me to Fallingwater which was like an hour or so away from P-burgh but was soooo cooooool.

Oh and I didn’t even mention the real kicker in all of this. He *gets* what i’m going through because he’s been in my shoes previously and it’s fucking mindblowing so he knows what to say and how to do the nice? and like???

IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR I’M NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT HEART. YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME BE AND LET ME JUST APPRECIATE THAT HE’S PRETTY OKAY???

I hate the universe. Thanks tho, U-girl. I know you got my back.

so. That’s what’s been going on. Got back home safely, he’s got his own place like 30mins to an hour away, easier access to the other girls he’s seeing right now, and I have time to properly process and catalog my thoughts before I see him again.

Cause I’m gonna. He’s *damn* good in bed.

[crazycoke-addict]

Why Lena Dunham isn’t a feminist icon.

Lena Dunham is many things, but a feminist icon isn’t one of them. She doesn’t deserve to be called a feminist icon and shouldn’t be praised at all. When has Dunham ever done anything for women beside it being about herself? Lena Dunham is a white feminist and being a white feminist isn’t a compliment. The definition of white feminist is someone whom discredits women of colour and don’t seem to care about other women beside their own race. White feminist don’t seem to help out women of colour and they complain when women of colour “don’t speak out” about things like sexual abuse, the mistreatment of women when really they (WOC) have been the ones speaking out about those topic, but you just weren’t listening at all. Dunham has shown us from time to time that she’s the definition of white Feminism but for some people is considered to be a feminist icon. Whenever she’s make a bad choice, her first instinct is to apologise and call it a “mistake”. When you keeping making “mistakes” and your solution is to apologise all the time, it doesn’t become a mistake anymore and the apologies don’t mean anything at all.

Her comments about Abortion

Her first “mistake” was when she said that she was sad about never having had an abortion. Lena Dunham doesn’t have any kids, it isn’t ok say that you are sad about not having an abortion at all. Abortion is a serious thing, but many women get criticised for doing even though you have no idea why the woman decided to in the first place. She was raped, she can’t raise a baby financially, she isn’t ready to be a mum or maybe she was forced to. Dunham sounds delusional for saying that quote. She later apologised for the quote, but those “apologies” don’t seem to end there.

Her supposed anger and lie towards Odell Beckham Jr

The second “mistake” happened at a Met Gala, when she wrote in her feminist newsletter Lenny Letter, that she was upset Odell Beckham Jr. didn’t want have sex with her. I’m sorry you were bummed that a black man didn’t want have sex with her, but shows you a bit more about what your personality really is. She was describing Odell Beckham Jr. as a misogynist because she thought he judging her without even saying anything, “I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards” she said. She apologise to Odell Beckham Jr and said that they never met before so how come you thought he was judging your base on your looks, when you didn’t even interact with him at the Met Gala.

Comparing a website to domestic abuse

In 2015 at a podcast interview, Dunham compared Gawker to an abusive husband. Gawker was a blog that was founded by Nick Denton and Elizabeth Spiers In 2002 and defuncted in 2016. Dunham said “it’s literally if I read it, it’s like going back to a husband who beat me in the face. It doesn’t make sense”. Comparing a website to a serious situation like abuse isn’t ok all. She apologised by saying domestic violence isn’t a joke, but seem to have deleted the post.

Comparing the Bill Cosby Accusations to the holocaust

In 2014, Comedian and American’s dad Bill Cosby was accused of sexual abuse by many women dating back to the 1960s. Many celebrities were discussing their opinion about the allegations against Cosby including Judd Apatow whom seemed very vocal about it in which people called it an obsession. In January 2015, Dunham said in an interview that Judd Apatow’s obsession with Bill Cosby is like people being obsessed with Holocaust meaning we shouldn’t talk about either of them. Cosby’s sex crime was a traumatic event towards his survivors he hurt and abuse, while the holocaust was the one of most horrifying events that happened in history and neither shouldn’t be not talked about.

Hipster Racism

Lena Dunham’s “feminist” newsletter the Lenny Letter got shut down during 2017. A journalist named Zinzi Clemons used to write for Lenny Letter, but left the company. She wrote an article about she knew Dunham when they were in college and said the group that Dunham hanged out used hipster racism. Hipster racism is basically saying something offensive or racist than defending it by saying it was a joke. You can also say that being hipster racist is when someone used the term “I’m not racist. I have black friends”. Although many people believe that Dunham doesn’t hang out with those people, Zinzi has said that many of those friends have guest starred in the TV show, GIRLS.

Defending an alleged rapist and discrediting a sexual assault survivor

In November 2017, an actress named Aurora Perrineau accused GIRLS writer Murray Miller of sexual assault. When the news broke out, Lena Dunham and GIRLS executive producer Jenni Konner publicly defended Miller by saying that his allegation fit the 3% of the false accusations. This ironic since months before, Dunham tweeted the only thing women don’t lie about is rape. This is very hypocritical because she basically saying that women don’t lie about rape, but won’t believe the woman whom accused her friend of sexual assault. Recently, Lena Dunham made an apology to the sexual assault survivor and that she thought Perrineau was lying due the insider information she was given, but get this Dunham never had any evidence or information to prove Perrineau was lying. This upset a lot of people including myself because 1) Aurora Perrineau is a black biracial woman and women of colour are always silenced or discredited by white feminist like Lena Dunham herself and 2) discrediting a survivor is a very low thing you can do. This is one of the worst things that Lena Dunham has ever done.

Every time, Lena Dunham makes a bad choice, her apologies become more and more excuses and bullshit each day. When apologising to Aurora Perrineau about discrediting her accusations on Murray Miller, Lena Dunham blamed Patriarchy. Patriarchy is something that women have to go through, women in the middle eastern have to face patriarchy every single day due men having control with them from father to husband. However Dunham discrediting Perrineau isn’t patriarchy. Many people think the reason why we don’t like her because she isn’t pretty, we could care less about her looks because we aren’t judging because she’s not pretty, because she makes similar mistakes all over again and expect us to forgive her. There are some people who’ll defend Dunham by saying how we should give her a break because she’s a rape victim or how she can’t have kids due getting her left ovary removed. All of this are sad, but that doesn’t change the fact, she’s a piece of shit. I don’t think Lena Dunham ever worked with the me Too movement of the Times Up Now than led on. Earlier this year, Dunham posted a group photo of the women whom are taking part in the Time’s Up initiative, however actress Tessa Thompson called out Dunham by saying Dunham was never present during the meetings and discussions, Dunham only seem to present when it was photo time. Dunham may considered to a perpetrator, when she wrote that controversial paragraph in her book, Not that kind of girl when she talked about how when she was seven, she examined her little sister’s genitals, bribing her with candy for kisses and casually masturbating while lying in bed next to her. Although child psychologists, sexual abuse experts and researchers in human sexuality researchers reject it as being sexual abuse like many people believe. It’s still creepy and disgusting to many people who don’t see this as normal behaviour.

These are many of the reasons why Lena Dunham isn’t a feminist icon and how she fits the definition of white Feminism. I don’t know why she’s given a platform, when it clear that not many want to hear what she has to say or even care what she does. Even Me Too founder, Tarana Burke isn’t a big fan of Lena Dunham. Like I said before, when has Lena Dunham has ever done anything for women beside it being about herself?

[sombrz]

Hello please talk about king explosion murder

THE BOY!!!!!

can you believe i spent months trying to be lowkey about my bakugou ships? it took me a while to even admit he was my favourite despite the fact i knew from the start i’d end up a bakugou stan. i never had a ‘oh no this kid’s a mean terrible person’ phase - it was a ‘oh, i can’t Reveal my character tastes like this. not like this.’ phase.

this got…..long. so uh. under the cut it goes:

ANYWAY: i ship bakugou with…..uh…….a lot of characters. kiribaku is the easiest to explain - dumbass jock boyfriends who do shit like baku using kiri as a hammer to make mochi. and kiri being gung-ho about testing his unbreakable mode (which, btw, was motivated by bakugou’s words!!!) by having bakugou fucking. use howlitzer impact on him. you know how i feel about bro ships (hint: i love them). how kiri went from ‘man this bakugou guy is nuts!!! we have to stop him!!!!’ to ‘wow bakugou is so manly and cool and i wanna be by his side’ in the span of (1) one-on-one convo. HE LIKES BAKUGOU SO MUCH. IT’S CUTE. LIKE, I DON’T THINK BAKUGOU GETS HOW HAPPY HE MAKES KIRISHIMA LMAO. how bakugou so readily accepted kiri as an equal - bakugou, who only had two categories for people [extras vs rivals], never thought to seriously think of kiri as anything but an ally and a friend, people always talk how kirishima was the first classmate bakugou even bothered remembering the name of, and with reason, since it says a lot. kiri’s got quite a bit of mlm subtext going on, tbh, and bakugou’s the source of almost all of it. soooooo there’s that too. 

but i’ve also fallen Deep into bakudeku. it’s the shared development, okay. the history and complex emotions and the slowburn to becoming partners. there’s just so much, and they’re so ENTRENCHED in each other. for better or worse, for how much they might dislike the fact they can’t stop thinking about each other, they just can’t help it. they couldn’t understand each other at all but somehow still knew the other inside and out. and deku’s been so smitten since he was like a baby 3 year old and it breaks my heart. it’s honestly one of my favourite shounen rival ships bc it keeps subverting your expectations. and every episode/chapter that deals with their issues and nudges them closer to the ideal - the endgame - is guranteed to be among the best. they’re the backbone of the series, and i love watching them grow together. the fact that they’re currently HEALTHY RIVALS AND TENTATIVE FRIENDS (like deku feels so comfortable gushing over bakugou to his face again and bakugou is so invested in deku’s improvement & is only snappy w/ him out of reflex lmao)….that bakugou is deku’s secret keeper and deku is the one person bakugou allows himself to be vulnerable around……HOO BOY. i just imagined bakugou holding out his hand for deku to take - or accepting deku’s hand at all - and died.

ALSO, TODOBAKU….my darkhorse ship, which hit me in the face one day when i realized how a) hilarious they are together and b) how the series keeps shoving them together (sometimes literally - thanks slidin’ go for giving them the group hug they deserved). i love how they’re so different yet similar - bakugou is loud and obnoxious while todoroki is stern and quiet, but they’re both rude prodigies who needed to be jumpkicked into realizing that they could become better people with the help of others instead of letting anger and bitterness swallow them up. and the provisional exam course made it so they were forced to hang out with each other 95% of the time for three whole months and i LIVE FOR THAT. i love how funny they are - todoroki is snarky & doesn’t even bat an eyelash over bakugou’s tantrums but genuinely tries to be nice and make friends with him! bakugou is so petty and wants todoroki’s attention soooo bad but don’t think i haven’t noticed that most times we’ve seen him genuinely smile has been in todoroki’s presence (ok, then todoroki reacts to it and bakugou instantly goes back to a snarl but STILL). also the fact that the narrative doesn’t want us to forget that bakugou eavesdropped on todoroki telling deku about his family, and bakugou is always Alert and keeping an eye on todo whenever endeavour is involved bc he’s sympathetic and y’know??? cares????? SO GOOD. AND THEY’RE SUCH A GOOD TEAM - SURPRISINGLY IN SYNC AND THEIR QUIRKS MATCH UP AND I LOVE THEM!

GOD, HORI…..BAKUGOU/URARAKA WOULD BE SO GOOD. like, can you *imagine* the sheer potential of a ship that you only really have them interact during one goddamn tournament fight and yet it becomes arguably the most popular het ship in your series (w/ only the main character and his canon love interest as real competition????) i love them though, like,,,,i find it so interesting that uraraka has shown, despite again - minimal onscreen interaction - that she understands bakugou better than most. she knows how he’d handle their fight and uses that to her advantage. (and while she still lost, she gained his respect and a new drive to get stronger!) she’s the one who brings up how HE’D feel about the plan to go rescue him - that his pride would prevent him from easily accepting help. i’m desperately trying to figure out a way they could animate that omake where uraraka plants herself in deku’s seat and demands that bakugou bury the hatchet with him while gently but firmly calling him out for his root issue of fear and his defense mechanism of violently pushing deku away. and it managed to calm him down and honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if he ruminated on those words for a while. IT’S SO GOOD, WHY WASN’T IT IN THE STORY ITSELF!!! and like, the mere fact he respects her a lot and ended up *psyched* to continue fighting her - and after he’s told deku had nothing to do with her plan, i don’t think he’d make that mistake again, which makes it easier for him to understand her back. he knows she’s smart and talented and that everyone else was wrong to underestimate her. also, i love that uraraka thinks bakugou is like…..funny? he’s out there threatening to murder kaminari and uraraka’s like ‘hahaha :’’)))’ bc she has such a Bro/vulgar sense of humour. like, i think they’d have a lot of fun together. LET THEM TALK MORE, PLS!!!!

THOSE ARE MY MAIN SHIPS BUT I ALSO SHIP HIM WITH THE REST OF THE BAKUSQUAD! BOTH PLATONICALLY AND ROMANTICALLY! I HAVE NO SHAME! baku/kami is so underrated and great - kaminari is just as much bakugou’s bff as kirishima is, tbh, and he has absolutely No Chill which makes their interactions - especially the further the story goes and bakugou’s edges soften - so much fun. one moment, he’ll be casually commenting that bakugou is the worst and needs to change his whole rotten personality - then the next second, he’ll be sprawled all over him, calling him kacchan and defending his honour from actual haters. and bakugou just fucbdhfhd lets this happen. bakugou likes kaminari enough to just let him. do whatever the hell he wants. ALSO, THE BAND. admittedly, sero is the only one with enough common sense and actual standards to avoid dating bakugou (’HE’LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL’ ghdhfhd sero) but i still adore them. sero’s so tricksy and loves playing the reverse psychology trick on bakugou, who just constantly falls for it. i bet he was the first person bakugou let just hang out in his room, and he probably appreciates that sero actually gives him his space when he needs it! i can’t believe baku/sero is the Real ‘bakugou pining’ ship. @ hori: GIVE MINA AND BAKUGOU ACTUAL INTERACTIONS, GDI. i’m forced to headcanon their whole dynamic from near-scratch. whereas kiri and kami are more the type to glue themselves to bakugou’s back, i imagine mina’s the type to actively drag bakugou along places. she probably cried when she found out that a) his parents are rich designers (’BUY ME CLOTHES, BAKUGOUUUU’) and b) his glycerin-based quirk and taking after his mom means he usually has perfect skin and has never broken out in his life. she doesn’t speak to him for a week until he takes her out to dinner and buys her a cute dress. and i’m super fond of baku/jirou. i love that their dynamic is like…..while the rest of their friends are doing dumb shit For The VineTM, they’re on the sidelines waiting for shit to hit the fan. they’re punk buds and prob do that couples clothes switch thing a lot just to see if anyone notices. jirou bosses him around and he takes all her advice seriously and like, they trust each other! they have great team synergy! she was the first person bakugou both consciously protected and asked to protect him in turn!! DID I MENTION THE BAND?? i also ship him with camie! it’s just such a funny concept to imagine - like imagine you’re in class 1A and bakugou shows up out of nowhere with a hot girlfriend who talks. like that. and she makes him laugh??? and no, seriously, does he actually understand what the hell she’s saying???? WHAT’S HAPPENING. but yeah, she very casually teases him but also seemed comfortable w/ him right off the bat and i know in my heart that bakugou relented and let her have his phone number. also, i find it funny people started shipping him with shindou after bakugou was the one to call him out for being duplicitous. bakugou’s the type of character that just needs to interact with another character once and *someone* out there will be like ‘what if………..they were dating’ and that’s so valid of them.

good bakugou ot3/ot4s: kirishima/bakugou/uraraka, todoroki/midoriya/bakugou, todoroki/inasa/camie/bakugou. i reblog a looooot of kirishima/kaminari/bakugou and bakugou/uraraka/midoriya even tho i don’t actually ship either as an ot3 that much, oops? they’re good ships tho.

is there something i’m missing? I MIGHT BE MISSING SOMETHING.

[oh-yeah-no]

[OOC: When you get this list 5 things that make you happy. Then send this to the last 5 people on your feed. You never know who might need a little positivity. [IC or OoC or both! Your choice!]]

Oh geeze.  Okay, well.  Be prepared for all this sap, my dudes cause I’ve been listening to nothing but love songs for two weeks.

1) Marshall - I’ve known this man for a decade or more and I had a huge crush on him when we first knew one another - which he didn’t reciprocate cause I was a baby.  Like a lot of internet friendships, he sort of fell off the map but we stayed in distant contact for years via mutual friends.  Because of some unfortunately sad reasons we met in person for the first time in February of 2018.  I didn’t expect to have feelings for him.  After all, I wasn’t a starstruck never-been-kissed 15-year-old again who crushed on anyone who showed her kindness.  I had had several relationships by this point and was casually seeing someone at the time.

But, you guys, fuck.  We had a moment alone and he said my name and it felt like electricity shot through me, stuck my feet to the floor, took the breath from my lungs. Cut to literal months of texting and flirting and me showing friends our texts to confirm it was, in fact, flirting.  I saw him again in May of the same year and by the end of that trip we were brave enough (read: He was brave enough) to make it official and it’s just been great.

When I get to spend time with him, in person or over the phone/discord, he somehow quiets my insecurity monster(s).  I feel like a normal person capable and worthy of love.  Also, he insists on opening my car door for me which I thought I would hate but turns out it’s so Goddamn cute that it gives me butterflies.

(Okay I’ll stop but seriously I can talk about him all of the time ask @thingsstuffnuances she knows.)

2) My Family - My parents are some of the nicest, if somewhat misguided, people I know.  I was so incredibly, unbelievably lucky to be born into this family of mine.  My mother has shown me what unconditional love looks like, taught me to question authority (even if it meant hers), and that sometimes laughter is the best thing for a broken heart.  My father showed me that bravery isn’t always what we think, that I am worth more than who I date, and taught me that musicals are the best form of entertainment. My brothers told me I didn’t need them to protect me, but when I did they were there.  They showed me video games and taught me about computers and ‘accidently’ left CDs in my car when they borrowed it.

3) The Nerd Herd - Okay, most of these guys aren’t on Tumblr anymore.  But goddamn, I don’t know where I’d be without them.  KTL, Michele, Fox, Austin, Kaiden, Lee, Loafy, Kelly.  They make me laugh harder than most people I know.  They’re the most supportive group of people I’ve ever met and if we go a few days or weeks without talking it’s chill.  We pick up right where we left off with the same jokes.

4) Tiny Dog - When I was at my lowest point a few years ago, Tiny Dog was the only thing that actually needed me to be around.  He’s jealous and needy but he’s sweet and charming and playful.  He lets me hold him and cry while watching sad videos.  He drops toys into my baths.  He sleeps curled at the small of my back.  He refuses to get up in the morning.  I love him.  Even if he hides slimy chews in my bed sheets.

5) RP - Okay, so maybe it’s been almost a year since I’ve really sat down and RP’d.  And maybe the idea of RP is absolutely terrifying now-a-days but for a large portion of my life it was my favorite thing.  I miss it as writing by myself has never scratch the same itch that RP has but also people are very scary and asking for things I want is hard.  It’s a new year, though!  So maybe I will move past those fears and actually do the thing and make connections and find my love for RP again.  Who knows?  But I’m hopeful. 

I’d do this IC as well, but honestly this got so long and I haven’t written for any of my girls in so long that it would be.... rough.

[releasing-my-insanity]

Dear Chocolatier Letter

Hey guys, I’m participating in the chocolate box fic and art exchange and this is my letter. (Also good if anyone really wants to write me a fic. Haha) Under the cut ‘cause it’s LONG.

Hi author. I’m glad you decided to join this challenge. I’m sure I’ll love anything you want to write for me. Feel free to ignore any of my suggestions. I actually had some trouble thinking up any prompts for some pairings so if you’ve got an idea you really want to write, I can’t wait to read it.

General fic likes:

Stuff that applies to both romantic and platonic:

Fluff.

Humor.

Kindness and helping others.

Cuddles and snuggles.

Cozy scenes.

Bedsharing.

Casual touching.

Little soft and/or quiet moments between friends or significant others.

Characters sharing a love of music or movies or books or hobbies.

Pet owners.

Cute kids when those kids are canon children of requested characters.

Living together, either platonically or romantically.

People being really good at what they do and their friends/partners being impressed.

Characters who speak languages other than English slipping into those languages occasionally.

Teaching each other.

Communities supporting each other.

Everyone being accepting of the characters and their differences and/or relationships.

Women who get stuff done.

Bi and Ace-spectrum Headcanons.

Shippy stuff:

Soulmates (both common and creative varieties),

The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement,

Polyamory.

Friends to lovers.

Rivals to lovers.

Annoying each other constantly to lovers.

Established relationships.

Couples knowing each other really well and doing things the other one likes just because.

“Man I really love my wife” guys.

Asking before kissing someone.

Stopping a kiss or a touch immediately when asked.

Surprise kisses in an established relationship.

Weddings.

Platonic/familial stuff:

Becoming friends.

Insta-friends,

Friends who stay friends (they don’t become romantic and they don’t stop enjoying each other’s company).

Found families.

True companions.

Healthy families of origin.

DNWs:

Any sort of death (Exception under Highway to Heaven.)

Abuse of any sort.

Anything that AO3 has under major warnings.

Unhealthy relationships.

Character bashing.

Explicit sex (implied or referenced sex between consenting adults is fine).

Mpreg.

Non-canonical pregnancy.

Discrimination or bigotry unless in the context of characters working to end it.

Unhappy ending.

-

Fandom Specific:

Enchanted Forest Chronicles:

Pairings Requested: Cimorene/Mendanbar, Daystar/Shiara, Morwen/Telemain

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: Enchanted Forest Chronicles

Fandom Specific Likes: Mentions/Appearances of Alianora. Morwen’s cats being snarky.

Fandom Specific DNW: A story where the focus is on the time between Calling On Dragons and Talking To Dragons.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

- Cimorene/Mendanbar: We don’t get to see very much of their married life so I would love to see some fluff taking place after their wedding but before Book 3.

- Daystar/Shiara: I nominated these two specifically so I could suggest this prompt. In an AU where they found some way to rescue Mendanbar sooner and Daystar grew up as the prince knowing both of his parents, how does this effect his and Shiara’s first meeting? Do they get along better or worse? Why is Daystar out in the forest at the right time to find her?

- Morewen/Telemain: I am down for basically anything with these two as long as it’s fun. Growing up together. Being classmates in magic school. Quests/adventures. Spending time together between adventures. Married life. Anything that appeals to you.

How exactly did they manage to get engaged? I would love to get the story of what conversations happened that we aren’t shown.

-

Harry Potter:

(I put ship names on these so it’s easier to read)

Pairings Requested: Ginny/Harry/Hermione/Luna/Neville/Ron (Sixpack), Alicia Spinnet/Angelina Johnson/Fred Weasley/George Weasley/Katie Bell/Lee Jordan/Oliver Wood (Quiddich OT7)

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: Harry Potter

Fandom Specific Likes: Everybody lives. The Room of Requirement being a romantic place. I didn’t request her, but I kind of love the idea of Katie’s friend Leanne dating Katie and one or more of her partners as well.

Fandom Specific DNW: Not exactly fandom specific but no incest. The siblings in these relationships are just dating the same people.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

- Sixpack: Helping each other recover from everything that happened to them after the end of series.

The six of them having some nice downtime when there’s nothing they need to be doing right that moment and just enjoying each other’s company.

Trying to work out parenting when there’s six parents.

- Quiddich OT7: I am so starved for content for this ship that I don’t even have interesting prompts, I just want content. But here are my thoughts:

Celebrating after a win.

Hanging out playing Exploding Snap or something. Studying together.

Feeling down after a loss and Fred and George decide to cheer up their partners by doing silly things and maybe the others joining in.

- Applies to either or both: Trying to visit the Burrow with all of their partners and things getting crowded.

-

Highway to Heaven:

Pairings Requested: Jonathan/Jane | Jennifer, Jonathan & Mandy

Fandom Specific Likes: Jonathan is an angel but sometimes he’s still painfully human. (E.G. Getting too emotionally involved with an assignment, his crisis of faith in We Have Forever, his reaction to Mark getting hurt in Going Home, Going Home.) I just really like that Jonathan isn’t perfect and makes mistakes and has strong emotions just like the rest of us.

Exception to no character death: I’m okay with it in relation to Jonathan and Jane, but I don’t want it to be the focus or the ending. I need to see them as angels afterwards if their deaths come up.

Fandom Specific DNW: Not a hugely important thing, but I would prefer Jonathan and Jennifer not sleep together (except literally) since he doesn’t know that she’s Jane.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

- Jonathan/Jane: I am down with basically any story for these two that you want to tell.

How they fell in love. Scenes from their marriage. Missing scenes between the two in Keep Smiling.

What it was like for Jane to become Jennifer and be given the first assignment of helping her husband regain his faith? A missing scene from their two months together.

Something where they meet again later, either between assignments, sharing an assignment, or being reunited in heaven when they’ve both earned their wings.

- Jonathan & Mandy: Arthur | Jonathan being a good father to Mandy. Reading to her, playing with her, singing to her, whatever you like. Just all around being a good dad.

What was going through Jonathan’s mind when the only opportunity he had to interact with his daughter in 40 years was by being as obnoxious and dislikable as he could?

What was going through Mandy’s head when she thought that her mother, who had never moved on from her father, was planning to marry a much younger drummer who would probably spend all her money? Does Mandy remember her dad at all? What sorts of stories has Jane told her about him?

-

I Dream of Jeannie:

Pairings Requested: Jeannie/Roger/Tony, Amanda Bellows & Jeannie

Tumblr tag for fandom: I Dream of Jeannie

Fandom Specific Likes: Roger and Jeannie both being bi, Tony being biromantic and demisexual. Amanda being the voice of reason. The Bellowses’ marriage being built more on steady love than passion.

Fandom Specific DNW: None.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

- Jeannie/Roger/Tony: I’ve pretty well written all of my ideas for this pairing myself, I just want content not written by me. Maybe some established relationship fluff.

Or something where Roger and Tony are together first and then Jeannie joins their relationship. Maybe Jeannie realizes that Tony and Roger have feeling for each other and decides to set them up, and then they fold her into their relationship after she succeeds.

- Amanda & Jeannie: I just really want to see more of Amanda being a mother figure to Jeannie. Amanda helping Jeannie pick out her wedding dress would be delightful.

If you wanted to write something more involved, I keep imagining something where after "Ride 'Em Astronaut," Amanda helps Jeannie take the organizers of the rodeo to court for trying to use her as a prize for the winner.

-

Magic School Bus:

Pairings Requested: Arnold & Carlos & Dorothy Ann & Keesha & Phoebe & Ralphie & Tim & Wanda, Ms. Frizzle/Mr. Seedplot

Tumblr tag for fandom: Magic School Bus

Fandom Specific Likes: Ms. Frizzle being open to dating many different people, not just Mr. Seedplot. The kids all being close friends and no matter how many arguments they have they always make up quickly. Appearances by Mikey.

Fandom Specific DNW: Romances between the kids. I don’t mind occasional references to crushes, but I don’t want shipping with them.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

- The Kids: How did they first become friends? Phoebe transferred in, but have the other seven always been classmates? Was it hard for Phoebe to fit in at first or did they all make her feel welcome? Did they used to have other classmates before Ms. Frizzle’s class? What do they like to do for fun when they’re not in school or doing science?

A favorite headcanon of mine is that after college, the eight of them chip in and buy a house to use as home base. And they all travel around researching in their respective fields, but sometimes they just stay right there and do science. I would love any sort of story set in that world.

- Ms. Frizzle/Mr. Seedplot: How did they first meet? What happens after Liz brings Ms. Frizzle the flowers and note? Do they go on a date? Do the class ship them?

-

Sesame Street:

Pairings Requested: Bob/Linda, Linda/Maria, Harriet/Mr. Hooper, Gordon/Susan, David/Luis/Maria, Bob/Susan/Gordon, Bob/David/Linda/Luis/Maria/Olivia

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: Sesame Street

Fandom Specific Likes: Mr. Hooper lives. The characters making sure to sign for Linda so that she knows what’s going on. Miles and Gabi being best friends. Bob and Maria being metamours and having a very sibling-like relationship. Mr. Hooper refusing to tell anyone what his orientation is. Big Bird basically being everyone’s child. Bob being in both of the above polyamorous relationships at the same time.

Fandom Specific DNW: Anything involving the death of Mr. Hooper. Making Linda hearing instead of Deaf.

Optional Prompts by pairing:

All of these pairings I’d be happy with anything you want to write but here are a few thoughts.

- Bob/Linda: If they had gotten married, what would their wedding look like?

What kind of dates do they go on?

According to episode summaries on The Muppet wiki, Bob writes songs for Linda and she teaches him American Sign Language. I would love to see either or both of those things.

- Linda/Maria: When Linda first arrives on Sesame Street, Maria is the person who’s the most fluent in ASL and that leads to her and Linda becoming friends quickly.

Linda learning some Spanish sign language so she and Maria can both speak Spanish.

- Harriet/Mr. Hooper: Based on reading the Muppet wiki, I got the feeling that David’s Grandma Harriet and Mr. Hooper are quietly dating and I would love to see more of that.

In season 11 Mr. Hooper and his friends Mr. Macintosh and Willy took Harriet to a dance. How did that go? Did they start dating after that?

- Gordon/Susan: I would dearly love some fic about how they met and fell in love.

Or a fic about how they decided that they were ready to be parents and that they wanted to adopt.

Maybe something with them geeking out together over science.

- David/Luis/Maria: The only logical solution to the Maria/David, Maria/Luis relationships. I actually shipped David/Luis before I shipped Maria/David, so I definitely view this as a full triad.

How do they get together? Are two of them together first and then the third joins them? Or do they become a triad all at once?

What do their dates as a triad look like? Do the three of them ever go dancing?

How do they decide to get married? To become parents? Does it matter which of Maria’s husbands is Gabi’s biological father or do they only know for medical history reasons?

- Bob/Susan/Gordon: Did they know each other before Sesame Street or did they meet there? When did they get together?

One thing I really like is the idea of them having gone to college together and getting up to hijinks. I would love to see some of that.

How involved is Bob in parenting Miles?

- Bob/David/Linda/Luis/Maria/Olivia: The ship of my heart. My personal perspective is that every part of this relationship is romantic except for Bob and Maria. Bob and Maria adore each other but their relationship with each other is platonic.

Do they ever manage to all share a bed comfortably or are there too many of them and someone ends up on the floor?

The six of them go out on date and are mistaken for being three couples so they try to see how obvious they can make it that it’s all six of them.

Is it ever hard to parent Gabi when there are six parents?

-

Star Trek: The Original Series:

Pairings Requested: Chekov/Sulu, Chekov/Sulu/Uhura, Scotty/Uhura, Chekov/Sulu/Scotty/Uhura

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: Star Trek TOS

Fandom Specific Likes: Raising a family on the Enterprise. Demora being from a surrogate mother rather than a one-night-stand. Annie Rand living. Scotty and Uhura having the kid from this art (I named him Mzuzi). Random future tech. Using the hollodeck/recreation deck for dates.

Fandom Specific DNW: Anything that involves people’s consciousness being separated from their body. Anything that could be considered possession.

Optional Prompts:

I don’t really have any specific prompts for any of these pairings. I would love to see anything with Chekov and Sulu raising Demora together. And I LOVE Uhura being showered with affection by her partners. I also really like seeing people learning each other’s first languages so they can talk to each other in them.

-

The West Wing:

Pairings Requested: Abby/Jed/Leo

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: The West Wing

Fandom Specific Likes: The three of them basically being parental figures to the senior staff. Mallory thinking of the Bartlett daughters as her sisters and vice-versa.

Fandom Specific DNW: Smoking. Health problems, canon or not.

Optional Prompts: I love fic where Leo finds excuses to spend the night in the residence (AKA Jed and Abby’s bed).

An AU like Triad Verse in which Jed is literally married to both Abby and Leo and its known by everyone.

Fic where Leo lives and the three of them just retire to the farm in New Hampshire together.

-

WordGirl:

Pairings Requested: Becky/Tobey/Scoops/Violet, Johnson/TJ

Tumblr Tag for Fandom: WordGirl

Fandom Specific Likes: Tobey realizing that he’s loved. Tobey’s robots being sweet.

Fandom Specific DNW: Angst. These are children so I’d prefer they not show affection with anything more than a handhold or maybe a kiss on the cheek, unless they’re aged up.

Optional Prompts: I’m happy with any kind of cute content for either of these pairings. I would especially like to see a get together.

I also read a fic once where Becky and TJ were allowed to invite their friends on a Botsford family trip to a cabin on a lake. Scoops and Violet couldn’t go in the fic, but I keep wondering what it would be like if they did and Becky was there with her mutual crushes and TJ was there with his.

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #180

BTVS 7x02 Beneath You

Stray thoughts

1) I’ve always got some strong Run Lola Run vibes from the opening scene of this episode…

It’s the setting, the music, the pace, the fact that the girl is – duh! – running, and her look and outfit. It’s all very Run Lola Run, right?

So, do you think this was an homage to the movie, plagiarism, or Joss’s idea of what Germany is like based simply on one movie he’d seen?

That aside, these scenes bring up a lot of questions about how potential slayers are treated in other countries. We know that Kendra was raised and educated as a potential slayer, knowing that one day she may become one. I think Kennedy was, too. We also know that Buffy and Faith weren’t. But the two girls shown in the opening scenes from episodes 7x01 and 7x02 seem to be aware they should run away and they’re not asking for help in the regular way any citizens would do, you know? Like, they’re not screaming for help or going to the police? So it kind of feels they knew what their deal was and why they were being chased…

It’s all the more interesting because Buffy was having a prophetic (or live action?) dream about the German girl. I’ve always loved Buffy’s prophetic dreams, and I wish her connection to other slayers through her dreams would’ve been explored more in depth in the show.

2)  Spike’s chasing rats just like his dad did back when he got his soul back...

3) I love how excited Dawn is to have Buffy around school!

4) This was sweet…

XANDER Those kids are damn lucky having a slayer and a friend on campus there for 'em. I hope they appreciate it. I know I did. Days gone by, huh?

It really takes you back, doesn’t it?

5) Dawn made a good point. And I guess she was officially one of the Scoobies...

DAWN You guys need to really to ease up with the whole dating demons thing.

BUFFY Uh, hello, I'm sorry. Wasn't that you having the smooch-a-thon with teen vampire last Halloween?

DAWN See, this is why I don't want you talking to my friends.

6) This season is super heavy on the self-references and I love it.

PRINCIPAL A little authority can be a wonderful thing. Just remember that while you are here to help, you're not here to be their friend. Trust me, you open that door, and these students will eat you alive.

BUFFY You heard about Principal Flutie, right?

7) The cutest!

BUFFY I was, uh, just curious, you know, uh—not that I'm not grateful or anything. But, uh, I guess I was wondering why I—

PRINCIPAL Have this job?

BUFFY I still haven't finished college.

PRINCIPAL I know.

BUFFY Was it my sparkling personality? Or maybe you enjoyed my work at the Doublemeat Palace?

In case you were wondering: no, Wood didn’t provide a satisfying/convincing answer, 

8) 

GILES Willow, we could spend another two years here training and practicing and learning to hone your powers and still there'd be no way of knowing for sure that the friends you left behind you are still your friends.

WILLOW Well, sure. I mean, if you put it that way, duh.

GILES I'd love to offer you some guarantee that you'd be welcomed back to Sunnydale with open arms, but I can't. You may not be wanted, but you will be needed.

So… are we supposed to believe that neither Xander nor Buffy cared enough to check up on Willow? To know how she was holding up or if she was doing any better? That they didn’t call Giles IN MONTHS? I mean, he MUST have known something about how they felt about the whole Willow-going-dark thing, right?

9) LITERAL NIGHTMARE! NOT WITH THE DOGGIES, YOU BASTARDS! 

10) This is sad…

DAWN Should we round up the gang?

XANDER Good thinking, except... this is the gang.

11) Explain this…

Why hadn’t Buffy bothered to do the spell that removes Spike’s ability to get into her house without an invite? Why hadn’t Dawn or Xander? Yes, he was gone, but they couldn’t know if he would be back and they were giving him free access to do as he pleased. And yes, Willow and Tara (*cries*) were not around to do the spell, but I’m sure the Scoobies could’ve managed somehow if they wanted to.

12) I can understand Buffy’s nonplussed reaction to seeing Spike again in Lessons because she was caught off guard. But when she sees him again here, she had had some time to mull it over and to come to terms with how she wanted to deal with him. I have to say, I hate how they wrote the - delayed - attempted rape aftermath. Buffy facing Spike again after what he had almost done should’ve been written with more care and respect towards her character, considering she was the victim. Instead, the focus was shifted and it became about Spike’s pain with little - and even that is an overstatement - regard to Buffy’ trauma. Regardless of how I feel about Spuffy in general and during the course of season 7 in particular, I have to be unambiguous about this: this is bullshit. All of it. The whole attempted rape scene and what they did with its fallout. How they didn’t address Buffy’s pain. How the would-be-rapist became the victim in the narrative. Bullshit. 

BUFFY Do not start by saying you're sorry.

SPIKE I didn't come here to atone.

BUFFY Then what the hell do you want?

SPIKE I'm here to help you.

BUFFY Help me what?

SPIKE I was hoping you'd tell me. You're the slayer.Connected to the visions. Long line of worthies, right? I'm just a guy with his ear to the ground, and even I can feel it. Something's coming. I don't know what exactly, but something's brewing. And it's so big, ugly and damned it makes you and me look like little bitty puzzle pieces. I mean, if I'm wrong, say so. Lovely. No hard feelings. I'll go out that door and you can lock it behind me with any spell you like. So, am I wrong?

BUFFY Everything about you is wrong, Spike.

Something big coming or not, Buffy should’ve sent him off the minute he set foot in her house. She shouldn’t have wanted to engage in casual conversation with him. Not yet, at least. Not before they had addressed what he almost did to her. It feels wrong, and I hate they did this to my Buffy.

13) FORESHADOWING, though.

BUFFY Since when did you become the champion of the people?

14) It just doesn’t make any sense for Buffy to be accepting Spike’s help so easily. It just doesn’t. No no no.

15) Bless you, Dawn Summers. At least someone was reacting somewhat appropriately...

DAWN Spike. You sleep, right? You. Vampires. You sleep.

SPIKE Yeah. What's your point, niblet?

DAWN Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're gonna wake up on fire.

16) And then we get this moment…

SPIKE Hold the torch, would you? (Seeing Red Flashbacks...)

BUFFY Look, this... us working together—it's not a way for us to get back together, if that's what you want.

SPIKE It's not. Look, I can't blame you for being all skittish.

BUFFY Skittish? That's not a word I would use for it. You tried to rape me. I don't have the words.

And while I do appreciate the fact that we finally have Buffy saying it out loud and calling it for what it was, it feels too little. She shouldn’t be hanging out with her would-be-rapist, especially not so soon and without addressing her trauma in any other way than this.

17) Of course Xander even thinking of daring to go on a date would end up in utter terror. OF COURSE. 

18) I love how Anya just uses the word “penis” as a cuss word.

19) Okay, so Spike was present when Anya revealed that the worm-monster was, in fact, the girl’s ex… This will be relevant later.

20) I’m Anya.

BUFFY Anya, that thing you created burst through solid pavement and ate her dog.

ANYA Ooh, puppy!

XANDER Wait, that gets your sad noise? People's lives are in danger, and you give it up for the Yorkie?

ANYA You never understood me, Xander.

21) There’s not a single thing that I don’t love about this whole exchange…

ANYA Hey, hands off the merchandise. Spike, you don't get to go there again.

SPIKE Please. I've already forgotten about our little time together.

NANCY I thought you were Xander's ex-girlfriend.

ANYA I am.

NANCY But you and Spike...

ANYA Had a thing.

SPIKE Didn't last.

NANCY But weren't you Buffy—

SPIKE Briefly.

BUFFY Never serious.

NANCY Is there anyone here that hasn't slept together?

22) I love Anya’s reaction when she realizes Spike got his soul back…

ANYA Oh, my God!

SPIKE What are you staring at?

ANYA Oh, my God!

SPIKE Right. Let's go.

ANYA How did you do it?

BUFFY Spike, what is she talking about?

ANYA I can see you.

SPIKE Nothing. Let's go. Got some worm hunting to do.

ANYA How did you do it?

SPIKE Shut up.

ANYA You shouldn't be allowed to.

SPIKE Shut your mouth!

ANYA I mean, how did you get it?

23) Anya vengeance make-up looks a lot different but in a good way.

24) So, we Spike fans can agree that this moment has given us all fantasies, right?

25) And he was clearly trying to piss her off so that she would take it out on him, right? I mean…

BUFFY You haven't changed, Spike.

SPIKE Working out some personal issues, are we? Hey, I guess this would be first contact since, uh, you know when. Ooh, up for another round up on the balcony, then? Right you are, luv. I haven't changed. Not a lick. And watching your face trying to figure me out was absolutely delicious.

It’s almost as if he saw what we see - the fact that Buffy wasn’t reacting properly to him showing up again. She should be angry, scared, repulsed, outraged. And yet here she was, patrolling by his side and saying she didn’t have any words for him. Spike said he wasn’t looking to atone, and I believe that. I think he was looking for punishment.

26) Why were Buffy and Spike running on the rooftops, though? Wtf

27) He was attacking a man who had been turned into a giant worm, which he was fully aware of, so how surprised could he be that he turned into the man again?

28) James Marsters really nails the breakdown, doesn’t he?

SPIKE Right. Wrong. All wrong. Wrong maneuver. Not hardly helpful.God, please help me. HELP ME!

BUFFY You're not the one who needs help. He's going into shock.

SPIKE No. No. Too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. Too much...inside me all the way. (...) Deep, deep, deep inside me.

BUFFY Look, Spike, whatever you're doing—

SPIKE Get away. Get. Uhh—

BUFFY Do it somewhere else. I am through with this.

SPIKE Oh, oh, lucky girl. Call it quits. Now, there's an option. If only it were so easy. If only— If only— If only— What the hell are you screaming about? I can hear you. No need to SHOUT! I get it. The joke's on me. Lots of laughs. Yeah. Hey, bring the wife and kiddies. Come see the show 'cause it's going to be a circus. This... just the beginning, luv. A warm-up act. The real headliner's coming, and when that band hits the stage, all of this...  all this... will come tumbling in death and screaming, horror and bloodshed. From beneath you, it devours.

The circus references remind me of his part in Giles’s dream in Restless. 

29) I appreciate Xander supporting Anya and acknowledging what she did was courageous. Credit where credit’s due and all that.

XANDER You did the right thing here.

ANYA Tell him that.

XANDER You reversed the spell. It took guts. I know this is bad, but it could be worse.

ANYA Oh, it will be.

And Anya knows there will be consequences for her actions...

30) And then the scene… so beautiful and heartbreaking, so dark and twisted and sad…

SPIKE I tried to find it, of course.

BUFFY Find what?

SPIKE The spark. The missing... the piece that fit. That would make me fit. Because you didn't want... God, I can't... Not with you looking. I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak, thinking of you, holding myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your... ending? Angel—he should've warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time.

SPIKE The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve, and I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn.

BUFFY Your soul.

SPIKE Bit worse for lack of use.

BUFFY You got your soul back. How?

SPIKE It's what you wanted, right?  It's what you wanted, right? And—and now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did... everyone I— and him... and it... the other, the thing beneath—beneath you. It's here too. Everybody. They all just tell me go... go... to hell.

BUFFY Why? Why would you do that—

SPIKE Buffy, shame on you.  Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev—  to be a kind of man. She shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved. So everything's OK, right? Can—can we rest now? Buffy...can we rest?

I know this doesn’t make up for the fact that he attempted to rape her. Nothing would ever make up for that. And even if his intentions in going after the soul may have been rooted in selfishness, what stands out is the fact that he did it in an attempt to be the kind of man worthy of Buffy’s forgiveness - even if getting his wish meant he wouldn’t see himself in that way. 

[imaginekpoplikethis]

‘Bestfriend’ - Kim Seokjin X Reader

I don’t know how many people read these notes but oh well.

So… I know loads of people are waiting for 7 Years but I really needed to get this out. This is a true story (lol mine) and everything stated in it happened literally last week. Well, everything up until reader starts hanging out with Jin (because i’m not that lucky). I decided to post it because It’s been finished for more than a week and I’ve been so busy with school and I didn’t want to leave you guys with nothing for this week. The next part to 7 years will definitely be out later today or tomorrow.

I legit don’t know what to do with my friend right now, I feel betrayed but I’m not petty (or confident) enough to confront her. (I’m secretly happy when something is wrong with their relationship because I’m a silent but deadly bitch. Kind of like silent farts.)

Anyway, thanks for reading. <3

It had taken you exactly 3 days to admit you had a crush on a boy. It had taken 2 seconds for your best friend, Eun-ha to approve of the relationship, claiming you were her ‘OTP’.

Dong-Woo wasn’t just any boy, at least not to you. You had been placed next to him in the seating arrangement at the beginning of the school year and had at first ignored him. However, he had easily broke through the wall you had placed around yourself, with his charming humour and soon enough you had become friends. You shared the same music, game and movie taste. It all seemed unreal if you were being honest because how can two people have so many common interests?

Your friendship had progressed with each week until suddenly his comments began to do more than make you laugh. Butterflies flooded your stomach and no matter what he said it never failed to bring a smile to your face. You hated it at first and had been in denial.

That’s when Eun-ha had come in. She took notice of your exchanges and your reactions and had enthusiastically told you she envied your friendship. She pestered you about your feelings for 3 days and you opened up, not being able to take her nonstop questioning.

Soon enough all of your friends had found out about your feelings and had taken it upon themselves to comment on how much of a cute couple you and Dong-Woo would make.

Your interactions with him seemed to get deeper and you felt as if maybe, just maybe, he felt the same spark you did.

Then out of nowhere, you began to grow distant. You weren’t sure how or why but your conversations grew shorter along with the amount of times you saw each other a week until a time came where you didn’t speak at all. You were hurt to say the least and you ignored the rumour being spoken about him.

However, Your friends had heard the rumour and they were evidently worried about you. They had told you he had played with another girls feelings and you, in return, told them that you had gotten over him. That there were no lingering feelings. The doubtful look in their eyes was enough to let you know that they didn’t believe you.

To be honest, you didn’t believe yourself either.

Then came a time where he was added to a group chat you were in. You didn’t know if you should feel excited or annoyed so you stuck with in between. You occasionally spoke to him, your friends joining in and you were reminded of how things used to be.

That is until Eun-ha messaged you to let you know he had been private messaging her. You didn’t think much of it, it’s not like they had even held a conversation let alone hung out together.  When she had shown you the type of messages he had been sending, you brushed it off, telling her he was probably speaking to other girls too. That didn’t stop the little pangs in your heart that came with every time he sent her a kiss.

The painful throbbing didn’t stop there. He began to boast about an amazing girl who seemed like the perfect one for him on the chat and you hid your true feelings behind 'lols’ and sarcastic comments.

A day came when he private messaged you. You remember how your heart had skipped a beat at the sight of his name at the top of your screen. Upon opening the message, your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach.

'Hey, if you’re not still going to meet Eun-ha, I could go instead. I kind of want to see her today…’

A frown graced your face and annoyance settled within you. Why was he so obsessed with her? They’ve literally been speaking for 4 days. You sighed, deciding to give him a blunt reply.

'I’m still going.’

His answer was immediate.

'Oh okay, well where does she live because I’m in the area and I’m not familiar with it.’

That’s right, he lives about an hour and a half away. All this just to see Eun-ha. Instead of dwelling in your thoughts, you gave him directions on how to get to her house.

Looks like you’d be seeing Dong-Woo today.

-

Dong-Woo arrived at Eun-ha’s house half an hour after you. At first, the familiar casual conversation sparked up between you two but as soon as Eun-ha was in sight his face brightened. Soon enough, you were forgotten and laughter filled the room as Dong-Woo cracked jokes with her.

You decided to go home early.

The next day you were shocked to discover that Dong-Woo had ended up staying the night. When your friends had questioned Eun-ha on her feelings for him, her response was that 'she didn’t like him like that and would never do that to Y/N.’

Then came the party. She had organised a little gathering with your group, Dong-Woo and one of her new friends who went by the name Seokjin. As the night progressed, you spent your time getting to know Seokjin or, as he preferred to be called, Jin.

Drinks were soon brought out and slowly, people began to get drunk. You blamed the alcohol for the public displays of affection Eun-ha and Dong-Woo were sharing, even though you knew better. You decided to retreat to the kitchen with Jin.

“So… what do you think of Dong-Woo?” Your head snapped up at the mention of his name only to find Jin staring back at you expectantly. You let out a small smile and rested your cheek on your palm.

“He’s obsessed with her. It’s obvious. I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t for the fact I liked him.” Jin nodded and silently sighed to himself.

“I don’t think it’s right for people who only began talking a couple of days ago to be that touchy. Especially since he threw away his friendship with her ex just to be with her. But that might be just me overthinking things.” You shook your head and sipped your lemonade before responding.

“No, I agree but there’s not much we can do about it now.” He took a bite out of his slice of pizza before slowly nodding.

Towards the end of the night, your group had somehow managed to end up in the park next door. As usual Dong-Woo and Eun-ha were all over each other and you stuck by Jin making light conversation. It was when they had both retreated to the side of the park alone that you decided that the best option would be to leave with Jin but as you parted ways with him you felt a lingering sense of guilt for leaving your other friend drunk.

Upon returning you were greeted with the sight of Dong-Woo and Eun-ha passionately kissing. You weren’t sure whether you regretted coming back but you focused on getting your friend home.

When you had made it back home the first person you spoke to was Jin. He seemed as surprised as you were and you were glad to know someone felt the same way. Seeking comfort you spent the rest of the evening speaking to him.

-

Waking up the next morning, you were greeted with the news that Eun-ha was officially dating Dong-Woo. Crying was what any other person would do but you realised that you didn’t feel anything. Not hurt nor happy.

“I must be a cold-hearted bitch to not feel anything.” That’s what you told yourself and although you truly did not know how you felt, you found that they both occupied your thoughts almost every minute of every day.

As the weeks had come and gone, you found yourself talking to Jin more and more until you had started hanging out on a weekly basis.

“Wait! So you were serious about liking Dong-Woo first? I thought that was a joke.” You chuckled at his cluelessness. “Yep, I was deadly serious.” He stared at you wide eyed as if you had done something he had never seen before.

“And you just let the relationship go on? That’s admirable.” You covered your face with your hands, suddenly embarrassed.

“But not as admirable as me, Kim Seokjin.” You burst into another fit of laughter at his confidence. “If only I had your confidence.”

You felt a burning gaze on you and when you turned to look at him, you found him already staring intensely.

“You should. You’re a really beautiful person. Not as much as me, obviously, but almost on par.”

You smiled at his words because you knew that was probably the biggest compliment he had ever given in his life. “Wow, if I didn’t know any better I’d think your trying to tell me something Jin.”

He took a bite out of his third bowl of noodles, slurping them into his mouth and chewing, mumbling something with his mouth full.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Maybe I am.”

For the first time in possibly 3 months, the familiar feeling of butterflies returned and you felt your cheeks grow warm.

“Tell me then…” As the words left you, he let grin slowly spread on his face.

“Maybe another day.” He placed a hand to his lips and blew his signature flying kiss towards you, a giggle escaping your lips.

“Okay, another day.”

You were fine with that.

lol.