#hes having a hard time with his faith too

[slvttyplum]

how hard could it be to keep a vibrator inside of you? that's what you thought after watching all these raunchy videos of these girls buckling at the knees and getting controlled by their partner, who held a tiny remote or their phone to control the waves of the vibrations. even though the videos themselves were hot, they just made you laugh at the dramatics of what was happening.

that was your thought process; that was exactly what you thought a few weeks prior before suguru brought home a vibrator for you to have and for him to control, and with him there was always a catch, and this time it was doing whatever you wanted if you could go an hour in public with it inside of you.

of course, you took on this ridiculous challenge because you had faith you were going to win, but the opposite happened, and it threw you for a loop.

once it was inside of you, that was when you felt your heart drop. the way it buzzed against your walls and hit your sweet spot just right as you tried to stand up straight was when you knew you were fucked. you thought that the way suguru overstimulated and stretched you out all the time would be light work, but this was the worst.

suguru knew what he was doing; he knew you couldn't even make it out of the parking lot, yet he still made you believe that there was a chance for you to win. a smirk on his face as he watches you put in the vibrator and the one piece that pushes against your clit.

double stimulation was your weakness; it had you squirting all over the sheets and losing your mind, so he was very curious to see what would happen with you trying to act "normal."

at first, the pleasure was bearable—a little lightheaded and your chest rising and falling at great speed—but it was nothing too bad. suguru didn't like that you weren't giving much of a reaction, so he decided to up the tempo, pushing the slider up more and watching you stop in your tracks.

public play wasn't really his thing, but the way you were looking and acting had his dick pressed against his sweatpants, almost a little too noticeable.

he wanted to give you a chance to actually walk around and feel it out first before he embarrassed you, so he turned it back down and let you go on about your day. you thought it was the end until you felt a sharp wave of pleasure shoot through you, almost stumbling and falling until suguru caught you in his arm, a light chuckle slipping past his lips.

it was at this moment that you realized that this wasn't for you, and the women in the videos were, in fact, not being dramatic, but suguru made sure to get use out of this vibrator. making every excuse in the book for you to wear it.

it was hell on earth, even though it felt so fucking good. you just couldn't handle the sharp waves of the vibrator, not only against the most sensitive part of the body, your clit but also your sweet spot.

the sight of you moaning and squirming was something he wished could be engraved inside of his mind. this was something much sexier than the things he did to you; it was just the fact that you tried to hold back and failed every time. drool slipping out the corner of your mouth and your eyes rolling to the top of your eyes lids as you tired to hold in every bit of groan and whimper.

regret on your mind every time he convinced you to put it in.

sometimes he would just watch you; it turned him on so much that he would just cum in his pants. he loved watching you when he knew that you couldn't handle something because it was so cute to see shock cross your face when you realized you couldn't.

sliding his hands over your body as it jolts and shakes from the extreme pleasure.

this was just a lesson on putting too much on your plate. you were greedy with pleasure, so he taught you better than words could, and fortunately for him, it paid off.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Omg I love your benjicot Blackwood fics can you do a x betrothed reader soft fluff please

There wasn’t many things in life that had brought you happiness, not since you became of an age where it was deemed necessary by your father to start looking for suitable suitors, for you were quick to catch on that life wasn’t fair especially towards the good and honest people of the realm.

They often died too soon, leaving for the rest of the realm to be poisoned and left in ruin by the selfish agendas of the richer and more powerful great houses.

So when you were made aware of your fathers plans, not bothering to ask for your permission in the matter, your initial response was to scream at the old fool of the unfairness of it all but instead you chose to ran for the Weirwoods as though that was going to change anything.

That day whilst terrible as it was, was also the day that you met Benjicot Blackwood or Benji as you liked to call him nowadays.

‘What’s wrong.’ He had asked, kneeling in front of you with a worried look.

‘I’m to be engaged.’ You told the boy with the short dark hair and stormy kind eyes.

‘Do you know to whom?’ He said as he tried his best to figure out what he could do to help, he wasn’t use to this whole comfort thing, but he was more then willing to try and to get use to comforting others for similar circumstances in the future.

You shrug, keeping your eyes downcast so that he wouldn’t see your tear stained face. ‘It is undecided for now but I know in my bones that it’ll be to a gluttonous lord of some unknown house with shady origins.’

‘Why not get engaged to me then?’ Benjicot then said out of the blue.

‘What?’ You looked up at him, unsure you had heard him right the first time.

‘Get engaged to me and you’ll never have to worry about being some shifty lords bed warmer.’ Ben said in a nonchalant mannor, which was soon betrayed by the cherry red blossoming upon his cheeks. ‘We don’t have to be in love it’s just-‘ he was abruptly cut off when you flung yourself into his arms, hugging him tightly as you whispered a million thanks into his shoulder, all the while Benjicot was stiff and awkward as a board before he finally relaxed and rubbed your back.

‘It’s fine, no need to thank me.’ He utters as later that same afternoon the news of your betrothal to Lord Benjicot Blackwood had been finalised, bring about the end before it had even began, and needless to say for the first time you had felt a twinge of happiness for your future.

Now as you stood beneath the very same Weirwood tree you did that fateful day, you sat beneath it with a smile upon your face and peace within your heart. You didn’t think you’d fall in love with Benjicot during your betrothal but you did and you did hard, the man was nothing short of perfect in every way shape and form, you didn’t expect yourself to fall in love with his dark hair, his stormy but kind eyes nor his chapped but kissable lips that withheld the most heavenly laughter you’ve ever heard.

He has made your heart full of happiness and joy that you didn’t know existed in Westeros, he treated you with such kindness, respect and loyalty that you couldn’t help but wonder if you were one of the lucky few to have such a devoted man such as Benjicot. You never wanted to know a reality where you weren’t betrothed to him for every man would fail in comparison, regardless of whether they came from a greater house, for all you ever wanted was a man who was undyingly faithful and wouldn’t dare let his eyes wander and you found that man in Benjicot Blackwood; and ever since then you have been falling for him every single second of every single day.

You had found your soulmate that day without even knowing it as you chuckled to yourself just as a body sat closely beside you, but instead of moving away from it you leaned into it, already familiar with the bodily warmth of your dearly beloved Benji as he pressed a sweet to to the top of your head.

‘You’re smiling today my beloved, is there reason to that or is it just me.’ He joked as you playfully scoffed.

‘I’m merely reminiscing the time we first met, right here beneath the Weirwood tree.’ You told him as you craned your head to look up at the leaves that hung above you both.

‘Still glad you’re not married off to some gluttonous lord from an unknown house with shady origins?’ Benjicot asked as he too looked up at the ruby leaves of the Weirwood, not wanting to admit that after all this time you still managed to make him nervous but in the best ways possible. Your smile widened at your own words being thrown back at you as you looked over at Benjicot and admired his side profile with adoring eyes.

‘I am because my betrothed is the sweetest man the realm has ever seen.’ You told him as you kissed his cheek softly before resting your head on his shoulder. ‘You saved me that day Benji and I am forever grateful.’

‘What did I tell you way back then? It’s nothing that you should thank me for.’ Benjicot said as he looked at you with a soft expression. ‘I’m just glad that I could offer you an alternative solution.’

You looked at him as found yourself smiling as he rested his forehead against your own, closing his eyes as he relaxed again you. ‘You also once told me that we didn’t have to fall in love during our betrothal too.’ You replied as you heard him chuckle lowly, brushing his nose over yours. ‘We did a pretty shit job of that didn’t we?’ Benjicot asked as you giggled and the young lord swore he could hear the heavens sing, for he had fallen first but saw later on that you had fallen just as hard for him in return, which he thought was solely because he had gotten you out of a predicament you didn’t want to be in.

You would later prove to him that that wasn’t the case at all and that you feelings for him were genuine and true as your heart that beats solely for him.

‘One could assume so, yes.’ You replied, kissing him on the forehead before letting your heads rest against one another once more. ‘But I don’t regret a single thing, word or moment that we have shared since for I love you far too much to depart from your side.’ You added as you moved yourself as close to him as you could, wanting nothing more then to be in his arms and listen to the sounds of his strong heart against your ear.

Benjicot didn’t put up a fight as he was quick to bring you into his strong embrace, holding you against his chest as he back remained supported by the trunk of the Weirwood tree, your head pressed to his heart as it sang its song just for you. ‘I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you cry under this very Weirwood.’ Benjicot admitted. ‘I looked at you and thought how beautiful you looked even when you were crying, which hurt my heart to witness. I want you happy and in that moment I wanted to be the reason you were happy and since then I have only fallen further each and every day, aching to one day call you what I’ve always wanted to call you.’

‘And what’s that.’ You murmured against his chest, his warmth providing you too much comfort that you were on the periapsis of falling asleep.

‘Lady Blackwood.’ Benjicot said as he pressed a kiss to your head, finding the same level of comfort you had as he too was fighting his hardest to keep his eyes open to gaze upon you longer, but alas his eyes were already closed and he smile widened as he thanked the gods for weaving your strand of fate with his own that fateful day under the Weirwood tree.

[marcskywalker]

alright alright

Merlin has made a habit of laying protective charms and spells on Arthur's armor. The man is a big liability (king or not, Merlin will say it as it is). Running into danger head first, without thought or concern, is his top favorite activity.

It's what makes Arthur Arthur; his courage in the face of death.

So yes, it's become a necessity for Merlin to charm his armor for strength and endurance.

He decides to charm the King's new set of armors in his royal chamber in the middle of the day, while Arthur is away presumably listening to another one of mind numbingly boring reports from his knights.

What is a safer place for Merlin other than this room? Where else can he walk in as he pleases? Move about as he pleases? Leave a mess, jest around, lock the door and loiter as he pleases?

Within these walls, no one would dare to question him.

The King's trust is loud enough.

So, Merlin lays out all the metal on the floor and begins. He holds the cold, sharp chestpiece in his hand. Imagines Arthur under it; Arthur's beating heart and his warm, soft, breakable skin.

His magic flows out of him without command or permission, desperate to erase all the images of his mortal king bleeding and weak.

Oh, protectors of Earth and Magic! Cradle him as you would cradle your son.

His eyes are ember, words still on his lips, the shimmer of magic over the metal, when door swings open.

"Leon is one of my oldest and closest friends, but by Gods he makes me miserable," Arthur lets out a long breath, as if to blow out all the air in his body, looking right at Merlin as he does so.

The gold finally fades from his eyes but Merlin is frozen in place, his bones and breath refusing to move, watching Arthur's face scrunch in confusion, a myriad of feelings flashing through his face before settling on stern eyes and pursed lips.

"Mingling with the druids a lot now, are we?"

"Arthur, I-"

"I know, I know!" he sighs, commanding his face to neutrality, stepping over Merlin and metal towards his desk, "They are my people, too. You're allowed to trade and learn from each other."

Despite his resigned tone, Merlin knows how hard Arthur has worked to ensure a place for Druids in Camelot. Writing in stone, clear as day, that he is more than his father's son; he has claimed them as citizens of Camelot, opening the doors to courts and trade and provisions equally for all in the Kingdom.

Watching Arthur grow into the prophesied will be Merlin's greatest pride. Even if magic is still prohibited to practice under the law, magic users aren't hunted like animals for existing. And Merlin has all the faith in his King that when the time is right, he will bring magic back into the land. Until then, he's happy to live in half shadows.

"I'm allowed to learn magic?" he can't help the skepticism and shock bleed into his tone.

"Well, no! I'm not allowing you for anything, Merlin. But I'm not stupid enough to believe that that's about to stop you."

"So," he draws out the word, unsure of how to step out of the conversation. Unsure if he should even be stepping out of the conversation. "I can learn more magic?"

"You know how I feel about this. The price I have- we have had to pay for it. If you still find yourself curious, do what-" gestures to the laid out armor on the ground, "-ever this is. I only ask that you be careful."

"I'm enchanting it. To keep you safe."

"In exchange for what, Merlin?"

"Nothing-", Merlin loses his grip on the conversation faced with the frightened heartbreak on Arthur's face; the courageous bones bending in unfamiliar ways. "I swear. Nothing. It's not any big magic. The druids do it all the time, we won't have to pay a price for this, Arthur."

"We'll see."

[omilanaenae]

Could you do Niko x reader but she’s an actress and ppl know they’re dating but they never confirmed (private but not secret) and they keep soft launching each other on insta until they hard launch (social media au) also i Hope this makes sense 🤭

Soft Launch

Niko Omilana x Female Reader Social Media AU

Authors Note: Sososo cute of an idea!!! I had a lot of fun putting this together and I really hope you all enjoy reading it!!! Also I have included some of my faithful followers’ usernames within this AU so be on the lookout for yours :)

yourusername made a new post

yourusername

yourusername London you were beautiful xx❤️

Liked by niko, sabrinacarpenter, and 143,076 others

View all 8,395 comments

madelyncline so gorg

———> yourusername all you girl💋

niko she’s a 10 but she’s too cool for an ndl channel appearance

———> yourusername he’s a 10 but he’s an absolute shite tour guide

———> yourusername glad to know you think i’m cool though mr. omilana 😎

———> l5byrinth HELLO???

———> betazxc I’m so glad I’m not the only one noticing this interaction!?? Is that Niko’s shadow in her 2nd pic as well?

———> hannahgraceeeeeeee IT HAS TO BE!! Also why are we bypassing the fact that they’ve rated each other as 10’s?

four weeks later

yourusername made a new post

yourusername

yourusername About time I got that princess treatment👸🏻

Liked by niko, chunkz, zendaya, and 102,876 others

View all 11,541 comments

yourusernamefanaccount STOP SINCE WHEN WAS SHE DATING SOMEONE???

———> yourusernameedits RIGHT like first the London post with that guy’s shadow and now this? who is our queen soft launching?😭

———> omilanaenae did you see the beta squad video she was in?! It could be Niko in her pics because they were having some chemistry tbh!!

———> yourusernametopfan who even is that… y/n is way out of his league not to be rude…

———> betasquadx you ppl don’t know Niko like we do!!! Put some respect on our future prime minister’s name☝️

———> omilanaenae you tell em Nia!

three weeks later

yourusername made a new post

yourusername

yourusername love my life🤍

Liked by niko, ohnosharky, kingkennytv, and 234,356 others

View all 14,329 comments

tyla so cute hun

———> yourusername thanks babes❤️

niko I think you missed an “of” somewhere in that caption🤔🤔

———> yourusername you think you’re smooth huh

———> niko you know i am🤫

———> omilanaenae I’m physically ill with jealously but I wish you both sm happiness if you’re actually together😭😭

teewritessmth THAT’S LITERALLY NIKO IN ALL THOSE PICS

———> xxkatxgracexx IT HAS TO BE HIM

———> speedybeta why don’t they just make it public, we all know by now😭

———> teewritessmth literally they’re just teasing us atp

two days later

niko made a new post

niko

niko just wanted to post this recent pic of me and @ajshabeel Liked by yourusername, ajshabeel, yungfilly, and 67,254 others

View all 1,383 comments

yourusername damn, AJ has a nice ass

———> niko best in town💯

ajshabeel good one yeah, jokes on you mate I’d never hug your long neck🦒

———> niko 🧀🧀🐭

———> ohnosharky stop the violating @niko😭

kingkennytv 😂😂

betasquads we should’ve known this would be Niko’s way of soft launching

———> nikoismyhusband and we wouldn’t have it any other way🙌🙌 they seem cute together as well

three weeks later

yourusername made a new post

yourusername

yourusername okay fine, hard launch💋🇧🇷

Liked by niko, chunkz, nellarosee, and 235,942 others

View all 10,367 comments

niko have I been upgraded from tour guide?

———> yourusername you were the tour guide to my heart❤️

———> ajshabeel cheesy🤮

———> yourusername just for you🧀🐭

———> niko pls be my wife💍

———> ajshabeel @yourusername @niko 🙄

nellarosee fav couple ever🥹

———> yourusername so sweet xx❤️

fillysmypookie FINALLY THEY CONFIRMED

———> betashully now we await Niko’s hard launch😚

1 day later

niko made a new post

niko

niko what can I say, I’m a lucky guy #hardlaunch

Liked by chunkz, ohnosharky, yourusername, and 104,456 others

yourusername I did not give you permission for this to be posted

———> niko I’ll make it up to you

———> yourusername can’t wait💋

———> justtnataszkaaa they are so cute together i cannot

———> omilanaenae right😭 still wish it was me in y/n’s place but at least if niko’s gonna be taken it’s by a girl like her🩷

the end

[peppermintquartz]

Eddie arrives earlier now and leaves later for his shifts, and he is focused at work. He doesn't smile as often, but he does smile - usually at Buck explaining something he's recently found out - and he still teases his colleagues, he's still focused, he's still working together with Buck to protect Chimney, Hen and Ravi from Gerrard as much as possible.

(Ostensibly, they're not on Gerrard's hit list: Gerrard doesn't know them well enough to try to target their weaknesses. Buck has even brought out the clipboard, except it's now wielded as a shield: the two of them triple check everything to make sure that no fault can be found.)

It's Hen who first notices the thousand-yard stare when Eddie's alone at the weight bench or when he's seated at the table. Like he's waiting for something that he can't name. She's seen that look before, in the mirror, when she was much younger and the future seemed to run right into a wall. She's felt it recently too, when she and Karen return home and they're in bed and the lights are out, and the emptiness spills out in an aching silence. (Karen tries, how she tries, but it isn't her and her decisions that led to Mara being taken from them.) She shares some of her pain with Eddie, and he shares a little of his, and they find time to have brunch or lunch together on their days off.

Chimney isn't the most perceptive regarding Eddie, but after seeing Hen reach out, he also makes the effort to invite Eddie over for meals more often. It's easy to cook for one more hungry firefighter, and Eddie likes teaching Jee some basic Spanish. Sometimes they play ball at the station before their shift begins, and Chimney sees how it helps Eddie to lose the tension in his shoulders to have that time to unwind. If it keeps Eddie from getting stuck in his head, that's good for the team. Chimney tries really hard not to be too obvious about his checking in, but Eddie pats his shoulder one day and says that he'll take care of himself, he has a duty to stay safe.

Maddie has a way of getting Eddie to open up about Christopher whenever they play with Jee, while Chimney manages the older kids. One time Eddie accepts the offer to sleep over, and even told a bedtime story to Jee in Spanish. Later that night, Maddie and Chimney listened to Eddie talk about reading to Chris, how the best sound in the world was Chris' laughter. Maddie held his hand and squeezed his fingers, and told him that it would be very good of him to let his son know all of that in a written letter, so that Chris would be able to keep Eddie's words with him in a physical form, that even apart, the love could still be felt.

Buck and Tommy do their best to include him. In fact, they gang up on him: if Tommy's available for basketball or muay thai or karaoke night, he grabs Eddie along; if Tommy's working but both Buck and Eddie are free, Buck enlists Eddie's help in furniture shopping or recipe tasting. They even start a movie night thing at Eddie's place. They show up with beer and snacks, and they have a jar with a selection of titles to pick from that they each contribute to. Eddie puts his foot down on them cuddling on his couch, however.

Bobby visits Eddie, a couple of times, "just to catch up on news". He asks about the prayer book, and guides Eddie through a couple of devotionals that helped Bobby through his darkest patch. "I'm not saying that you must return to practicing religion," he tells Eddie sincerely, because he wants this promising young man to keep out of the mire, to become a light for others. "But you and I know that sometimes, when we're stuck at the very lowest, it takes a bit of faith to begin climbing out again."

"A bit of faith?"

"A bit, as small as a mustard seed."

[alittlebitofloveliness]

i uh.. i’m sorta scared to request cus u feel like a celeb with how damn good your writing is😭 anywaysss a super sad soda oneshot would literally make my day please ahahaaa

Hi lovely! That's so sweet of you to say, thank you for your request. i hope this lives up to expectations lol, its based off this line from canon:

"The only noise was the nurse's soft footsteps and Soda's light breathing. Darry looked down at him and grinned half-heartedly. "He didn't get much sleep this week," he said softly. "He hardly slept at all." "Hhhmmmm," Soda said drowsily, "you didn't either.""

****************************

Sodapop had never much liked church.

He’d always had trouble sitting still, and when he was little spending two hours sitting still and listening to a sermon he could hardly understand was like torture. As he got older, sitting still never became any easier, now matter how hard he tried, and the leniency afforded to a squirming child wore thin once he was about eight. But church had been important to mom, and anything that was important to mom was important to dad too. Darry had hated church as much as he did, always too practical to put much faith in it.

“How am I supposed to not believe in Santa but believe there's a man in the sky watching over me?” Darry had asked dad one day when mom was in the kitchen making sandwiches for the church picnic. Dad had taken him and Darry aside then and explained that their thoughts were their own and they could think them all they wanted, but that church was about more than the preachers stories and prayers to God, that it was about community and helping people and learning to dress nice and act properly, so they would all have to keep going. That had sated Darry, ever the dutiful son, and he’d gone in good spirits and kept his disbelief to himself further such that mom and Ponyboy- who’d been fascinated by the stories ever since he could start to understand them- who believed in God wholeheartedly wouldn’t overhear him.

Soda hadn’t been too sure for a while whether he believed in God or not. He’d spent more time focusing on trying not to squirm too much under mom’s glare to puzzle out his thoughts on the universe, and when he was outside of church he was much more focused on fooling around town with Steve than he was thinking about God. He figured it best to leave such thinking to smart folks like Darry or deep folks like Ponyboy, or even pious folks like mom, than for someone dumb like him to think over it. Chances were, no matter how hard he tried to puzzle it out, he’d get it wrong. He tended to get a lot of things wrong. He’d gotten most of his math test wrong the week before, and he was already failing english. So yeah, better leave such thoughts to people who could actually figure it out. It didn’t matter anyway. He still went to church either way, still listened to mom’s scolding after each sermon, and then promptly washed his hands of the whole mess until the next sunday morning.

Then mom and dad had died and they’d stopped going to church. Well, he and Darry had. Pony still went, though whether it was because he still believed or because he felt closer to mom doing it Soda wasn’t sure and he hadn’t dared ask, not when Pony had been in such a fragile state, hardly speaking for months. Truth be told, it had scared him something awful. It had scared Darry too.

Still, much as he hadn’t liked church there were some things he remembered vividly. He remembered the hard bench under his knees when they knelt to pray. He remembered the times mom had dragged him to confession after he and Steve had done something particularly bad, and he remembered the stories. In particular, he remembered the stories of purgatory, of the inbetween, of waiting for heaven or hell, being stuck between salvation and damnation. Mom had always been terrified of purgatory, always abhorred the thought, seemed more averse to it than the idea of hell. Soda hadn’t understood. He’d rather be stuck between life and death than stuck in a pit of fire being tortured forever. When he’d said as much mom’s eyes had filled with shadows.

“Waiting can be it’s own kind of torture, dearest.”

He hadn’t understood then. For all his trouble sitting still, he’d still thought snakes and fire and pain had to be worse than waiting for something- even salvation.

Now though, he’s starting to understand. 

Ponyboy and Johnny have been missing for almost three days, and Sodapop is starting to lose his mind. Here he is, helpless, unable to do anything to find them, to help them, unable to do anything but wait. 

Per usual, mom was right. This is torture. 

He is not used to being unable to do something. Usually he does everything, anything, all the time. Together, he and Steve are a whirlwind, both unable to stop moving for more than a minute at a time, a wild, reckless, fun loving, unstoppable force. But he can’t find a kid brother who doesn’t want to be found, can’t search for a kid who left no clues- and even beating the shit out of Dallas hadn’t made the hood tell him where the kids went. Even though he knows Dally knows.

So all he can do is wait. Darry is in a similar state to him, unable to do anything and horrified by it, but Soda is still so mad at him he can hardly find it in himself to care. He knows Darry didn't mean to hit Ponyboy, just like he knows Pony didn’t mean to be late for curfew- but he still did it, and now Pony is missing. Their fourteen year old kid brother, who loves books and movies and doing dumb shit with Johnny, who is tough but not mean enough to properly defend himself, is missing. 

Shit. How did his life come to this? A year ago all his biggest worries were passing English and trying to get Sandy to go out with him. Now, he’s got dead parents and a missing kid brother and a girlfriend who's been so cagey recently he knows something is wrong even if she won’t tell him what.

Darry is in the recliner, reading the newspaper but he’s been reading it for the past three hours and hasn’t turned the page even once. Soda is on the couch, knee bouncing, not doing anything at all. The clock on the wall ticks methodically, mocking him. The face reads 12:37. This will be the third night Pony has been gone. Soda can’t help but wonder where he’s sleeping, if he’s warm enough, if he’s scared. His nightmares are bad enough when he’s home. What if he has one while he’s away? Sure, Johnny’ll take care of him, but he doesn’t know how, not really, not like Soda does. Johnny doesn’t know that Pony will need him to look away for a minute while he wipes his eyes, and then need to talk for a few minutes before he goes back to sleep. Johnny won’t know he needs someone to stroke his hair to calm him down, but that he’d never in a million years ask for it.

The clock ticks, the minute hand creeping closer and closer to the top of the clock. Soon, it will be once in the morning, just five hours before his opening shift at the DX. He should get some sleep, he knows, but he can’t face that room, that empty bed where his baby brother should be, safe and warm, not out somewhere in the cold. He can’t shut his eyes on the couch either, not when sleeping could mean missing the moment Ponyboy calls or walks through the door. So he sits, knee bouncing, and he waits, his other brother holding his own vigil in the armchair. They’re united in their terror, pulled apart by anger and remorse, and their salvation is a rusty haired kid running from a crime he didn’t commit, somewhere in the darkness.

Part of Soda is tempted to say that this, the waiting, is the worst thing ever, but then he remembers that after purgatory can be heaven, yes, but it can also be hell, and that is not something he is prepared for right now, or ever again. It was bad enough losing mom and dad. He’d rather spend forever waiting for Ponyboy to come back than to find out something terrible has happened to him.

Still, each second that passes is an eternity, and each minute an infinity without Ponyboy here with them, and the clock mocks him evermore as time passes and nothing happens.

“Do you think,” Darry clears his throat, looking the sort of young he only ever looks this late at night, when Ponyboy is asleep and the gang is gone and he can be Darry instead of Superman, “do you think he’s alright?”

Part of him wants to say nothing, to give him the coldness of silence until Pony is returned to them, to let him suffer for his hand in their brother’s disappearance, but Darry is all he has right now, the only other person on earth who understands, and Soda cannot bring himself to be that cruel.

“Yes.” He says instead, because Ponyboy has to be alright, and he cannot torture himself with thoughts of his personal hell when he is already being tormented living in this purgatory.

Darry nods and goes back to staring blankly at his newspaper. The clock reads 2:13 the next tim he deigns to speak.

“You should get some sleep, little buddy.”

“I can’t.” He tells him honestly, and Darry doesn’t fight him, too tired or too defeated or maybe just too guilty to even try. 

“Yeah,” Darry sighs, “me neither.”

They sit like that, trapped in purgatory, until the sun rises over the horizon. Eventually, Darry rises to go shower, Soda goes to start breakfast, and they begin the fourth day without Ponyboy.

The day passes much like the night, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Pony doesn’t call. He doesn’t come home. Dusk falls, and Soda and Darry take their places in the living room.

Purgatory continues.

They wait.

[spywhitney]

Why I'm Not Buying New Tickets for the Sydcarmy Train (For Now Anyway)

So yesterday I re-watched S3 (aside from EP10. I didn't feel like watching Sydney having a panic attack again) so I can write this with a fresher perspective.

For a little context, S3 dropped at 2am Thursday for where I was and I couldn't get to sleep because A) I was so excited to watch it and B) It was more hot than usual so that kept me awake so I watched it all immediately.

My main stance is not that I don't necessarily doubt sydcarmy will happen, but rather I don't like the idea of it as much as I did before S3. Now, to my points:

Season 4 May Be the Last Season I believe it will be, or if we're lucky (???), an extra season. With how the story has gone thus far, and how the actors are being catapulted into the spotlight, I doubt there will be time for a satisfying sydcarmy ending.

Carmen Is No Longer Attractive as a Male Lead

The bear is a show of flawed characters that we can all connect, sympathise and root for in one way or another.

I had a hard time finding the Carmy from the previous seasons, or enough of the good traits that made him sympathetic enough for me to overlook his unsavoury ones. The yelling, ignoring, the disrespect, the arrogance, the abandonment, the neglect (and whatever else I haven't said) directed at Sydney (and everyone else, but she gets the worst of him the most often) doesn't make me want to see them kiss.

The first word that came to mind is gross. Could you imagine if a friend explained what Sydney has went through with Carmen then revealed they're getting into a romantic relationship with him? There's a certain ick factor that can't be undone completely by longing stares, chemistry and hundreds of analysis posts for me.

If being around your "soulmate" is leading to deteriorating health, it's not worth it. Smells too much like struggle love to me, and I'm not fond of the implications of that.

Dwindling Faith in the Execution of Sydney’s Character I held an expectation that S3 will be heavily focused on Sydney, but she was side-lined once again, and not for characters or arcs that I and a lot of viewers wanted to see. (Not to mention how this season was in general).

This season was mostly rising action and conflict, and with that we've seen Sydney at her lowest and have to wait to see if she will be victorious before the end (the word victory was first said by Sydney and one other person so far in the show, so I hope that's a good sign).

I don't want to sit through watching a black woman be a workhorse/emotional support/"work wife" to a white guy, or just anyone really. There was microscopic if non-existent reciprocity or at the bare minimum acknowledgement of what Sydney has done for everyone and the restaurant (and not just from Carmen).

Carmen Has to Change More Than Sydney Does His flaws far out weigh the severity of Sydney's. With S3, him not being okay is making Sydney not be okay, this is something I was concerned about in S2 with all the parallels, while some are sweet/romantic, others like the throwing up, the ticket machine and now the panic attacks, are too largely negative to be overlooked.

Saying that Sydney is becoming Carmen is not a stance I agree with (or want to believe), but for the show so far he's been giving her more problems, more stress and not enough care, respect, love to make up for it. Sydney has a flaw of not being vulnerable and expressing herself. It affects herself and her relationships with others, but not to the point where they're worse of. Carmen's flaws are negatively affecting Sydney's health, while despite her flaws, Sydney's strengths positively affect Carmen without fail. See where the problem is? Sydney has nothing to gain (and so far, has gained nothing substantial) from being around Carmen in any capacity, while Carmen has continued to benefit from her presence.

Again, it's kind of hard to root for them when romance involves people who compliment each other, make each other better. "You make me better at this." This is certainly true for Carmen, but Sydney? I don't see how this has been illustrated, or at most to a significant extend to where the negative aspects of their dynamic are out trumped. (Sidenote: At least Claire was getting lovingly touched and getting fucked by Carmen while Sydney was building up their dream restaurant alone. That's some nasty work.)

Sydney Deserves a Changed Carmen, Not a Struggling One Or a different love interest altogether. (Luca, where are you at? My condolences to the sydmarcus crowd, they really burned your ship in S2 then let it sink in S3.)

This connects to my very first point, but I don't think there will be enough time for Carmen to improve to be the man Sydney deserves. He also has yet to suffer the consequences for how he's treating Sydney. So far he has suffered at his own mind and trauma, but that's not enough for me. He has yet to pay his dues when it comes to Sydney, so the the idea that she will stay with him and The Bear and wait around for him to be and do better when she's been doing that three seasons straight doesn't sit right with me.

Like Sydney's gone through all that she's gone through (mostly due to Carmen) only for Carmen to be what she gets at the end? Eh, no thanks. (Especially if Sydney doesn't get loved up and taken care of by someone deserving, succeed professionally and win in general.)

Subtext, Glorious Subtext Last one. Whoop whoop! Being a sydcarmy has made watching this show so much better.

However, I can't be the only one who at times is getting tired of hyperfixating on subtext only for it to amount to nothing.

But, I have a few observations myself. I don't want Sydney to stay with Carmen/at the bear, I want her to leave. I have a feeling she won't but:

-In S3 EP5, when Sydney asked Carmen if he knew if Ever was special when he was there and I think he said he didn't, but Sydney said it was good he got to experience it.

-The only noteworthy Claire scene where she talks about the girl who fell into a glass table and laughed after the surgery, and Claire said she thinks the wounds didn't hurt yet. (And the scar on Carmen's hand. Is that from the pilot S1 episode when he grabbed the pan?)

-When it's revealed Terry is closing Ever, Richie presumes the reason is because she's depressed, but it's revealed she just didn't want to do it any more.

-The ever chef told Sydney if it wasn't for Terry closing he'd probably be there forever.

With these moments I like to think Sydney's arc is learning to move on, to not make "everything the thing". Carmen is the one who needs to stay at the bear, in one place and work on becoming himself with where he's at.

I may add onto this later, if you've read this far thank you, and I hope it was interesting. Links below are my rants on S3 and sydcarmy. Pretty sure you could decode the five stages of grief in them- I'm so dramatic lol.

This This And this

[lovl3igh]

thoughts on episode 3

1. i love jacaerys, i like how we already can tell he's angry but tries to keep it down (yet), he was quiet and decided to just serve face card the entire episode, respect (do not stop himself next episode no more, my prince)

2. funeral scene pissed me off. i get it the jace and rhaenyra's talk, it was literally about arryk being a traitor ("can't blame him for keeping his oath" nyra, he literally broke the oath when he came after you?? that's why erryk just left kl and didn't kill aegon, to not be an oathbreaker) and greens being responsible for erryk's death but rhaenys decided to talk war business with rhaenyra when she was grieving her protector? and the audacity to speak of driftmark incident as one of war catalyst while luke just died!! give me back book!rhaenys who wanted to burn green bitches and take that pacifist from my screen

3. "the last one needlessly, some might say" "it's not true war" and just sipping wine after aegon's "i'm as fearsome as any of them" lord jasper gag the greens for us with every council meeting, he's so funny

4. cole being another man who undermines alicent and that in front of the council and her sons... oh karma hits her hard. i hoped her word will be last (when she said her brother will go and cole has nothing to say about that) but ofc cole 'asks' for a favor and alicent countinues to be a men pleaser

5. "maybe he's lonely" from mysaria about seasmoke... does she know? officially laenor died years ago, seasmoke is lonely just now? ohh say some more

6. phoebe campbell getting screentime finally!! her talk with rhaenyra breaks my heart. she really felt useless. and rhaenyra, though she can't have dragonless rhaena at war, decides to put faith in her in raising her sons, rhaena did not see that, but rhaenyra trusts her with great responsibility, too heavy for young girl but rhaenyrahas no choice. the difference between "your grace" (hurtful, feeling of betrayal, sadness, anger) in that scene and "your grace" after rhaenyra called rhaena hope for the future (gratitude, shock, disbelief) was amazing, phoebe 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

7. the scene at harrenhal looked great, the rain, the darkness, sounds, daemon's breath - fantastic

- i'm claiming harrenhal

- apparently so

first pledged the support to rhaenyra and immadietaly offered food with an apology for lack of redcurrant lmfao who wrote that. the scene was so funny, dude knew daemon' reputation and him showing there all by himself proved he is as crazy as they say

8. daemon correcting simon strong to address him "your grace now" was such an important moment. there was no queen and her king consort before. with addressing rhaenyra as queen normal assumption there would be that she's the consort one. calling daemon prince consort at once take and give importance to rhaenyra's title in the eyes of many. at the same time she's the queen and there's no king (there's why even nyra and the council call daemon prince) but also him as prince consort raises the question why the consort is not the king, since there's queen now

9. "people should obey their liege lord whatever his condition" dude had flashbacks of people ignoring viserys because he was sick and to weak to rule. daemon, he's dead, let him go

10. rhaenyra and rhaenys putting men of the council in their place as they should!! clearly jace agreed with some of them and rather use vermax in the battle but said nothing to not undermine rhaenyra's voice, love that from all three of them

11. both corlys and rhaenys managed to piss me off. rhaenys trying to push joffrey lower in driftmark line in rhaena's favor and saying that rhaenyra would have nothing against it? girl you pulling the same shit vaemond did. changing the line, especially now, means that joffrey's legitimacy is again openly in question. corlys saying that rhaena knows nothing about the sea (and dragons, dude, go fuck yourself) as if she ever had a chance to learn... both her and joffrey could learn the same, i'm not saying to marry them off to each other, there's 8/9 years between them, but he could rule with rhaena being an adviser or sth, her velaryon background is important to her because of laena. putting her later in driftmark is both safe and good for her, what more she would be close to her sister

12. "mommy"? rhaenyra's little kisses? her touching her sons' heads? her sad smile? jace and joffrey's hug? rhaenyra looking at rhaena again as if she wanna hug her too? dragon twins' silence cause there are no words to say? rhaenyra touching her childrens' toys? what if i just kms (and also why tf jace didn't hug rhaena, viserys and aegon, that was stupid)

13. "i forgive you" for what helaena?? for screwing cole while talking about duty and dignity? for not putting guards nowhere close to hide the affair? for being bad mother generally or sth? WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I NEED ANSWERS

14. people say larys is great manipulator... he isn't. he just finds right persons, weak, easy to manipulate. he didn't try with viserys bc he was dismissed, nor with otto or aemond. but to manipulate a woman guilty of her behaviour and a man full of himself? it's not that hard, he's lucky those people are in power, otherwise he would do nothing

15. aegon making fun of aemond and remind him of sexual abuse... yeah you still wanna try make jace and luke the bad guys, while they of course were involved in bullying aemond, they were more or less manipulated by him while it was aegon who always caused aemond's harm... and yet aemond supports his brother and killed lucerys. also the contrast between long laughing at aemond and short moment when aegon didn't even recognize dyana? oh gods

16. baela becoming daemon's daughter the moment she saw the greens, she IS the baela the brave. i don't like her ignoring nyra's order but i see why she did that, the scene later was itself pretty funny ("we commend the lady baela for her sharp eyes" lmao with my -6 diopters eyesight i'll be firing asses of my own people)

17. MILLY'S BACK, love her scene with matt, always great chemistry, daemon's teary eyes, nyra's singing, the sudden end of hallucinations? and only "you will day in this place"? strong scene, great one

18. keeping alicent's letter in luke's things is a bs, i wanna talk with rhaenyra. and her coming to kl was sooo stupid, why is it so easy to get there. making rhaenyra doubt her father's intentions was painful and senseless. viserys upholded rhaenyra's claim the same day and then was put on milk of poppy. there was no reason for her to believe alicent. i just hope that seeing alicent ignoring her own mistake made her realize she must acts hard now. it does look like that in the preview of ep 4

19. small thoughts: if that was conqueror's armour, why ugly?? and honestly if i didn’t hate aegon i would feel sorry for him, literally no one respects that fool; ulf being baelon's son? not the baelon i know so i choose to ignore that shit; the famous not-bloody-ben guy, is he dead? ig that was davos blackwood after all but i saw people saying he's dead and i'm not sure, rip if he is, he was the true loyalist

i commented today not after the episode but while watching it so it's less chaotic lmao thoughts on episode 1 episode 2

[barrenclan]

ok so for the next music post, two things:

1. i was thinking of “moon song” by phoebe bridgers for unrelated reasons & the very last lyric of the song jumped out at me for rainhaze. the rest of the song isn’t very fitting for him but the last two lines are so fucking perfect:

when you saw the dead little bird, you started crying

but you know the killer doesn’t understand

2. so this next song is actually by a friend of mine! she’s a local musician & the other night i got to see her perform at my favorite bar for the last time before she moves to another state. this is my favorite song off of her debut album that came out last year (which she did perform at the show; i had chills the whole time), & i started thinking about it after the latest issue (& after going back & rereading the whole story just for funsies) & lowkey wanting to make an animatic about defiance with it:

https://youtu.be/I882BJu2bTo?si=W94BMnB6SjMM2sSK

Honestly, I could kind of see the rest of the lyrics of "Moon Song" for Rainhaze too, of him talking about his one-sided relationship to Ranger. Though I still don't really see his feeling as romantic rather than just trusting.

And, it's so sweet to recommend a song your friend made! I really like it. If you ever made an animatic, I'd be thrilled to see it.

Oh, yeah, I like the line "heartbreak was never so loud" for representing the weight of Slugpelt's revelation.

Everything, waiting, shaking as it drops I tried for you and I, for too hard, for too long Gave it all and everything for more time, but I lost

… Ooh, I'm breaking down Whispers would deafen me now You don't make a sound Heartbreak was never so loud

Defiance is always great for screamy, angry song about bones and blood and stuff.

I think it could fit for Rainhaze's early days and induction in Defiance, coping with this new environment.

Look at this poor boy All dressed up in white Now how can he smile With a face of all eyes?

These creatures are vampires They're killing by the night They're falling from the dead trees To silhouette your life

It doesn't seem like anyone has! I like the lines about him traveling past reason, because he did move past any real ideology into just fear and desperation.

I will travel far beyond the path of reason Take me back to Eden, take me back to Eden

I guess it goes to show, does it not? That we've no idea what we've got until we lose it And no amount of love will keep it around If we don't choose it And I don't know what's got its teeth in me But I'm about to bite back in anger No amount of self-sought fury Will bring back the glory of innocence <- shit yeah dude that's him

I like all songs that talk about the Devil as a smooth-talking, friendly charismatic guy because they all remind me of Deepdark.

Turn on the television Don't gotta think for nothing I pay the cable bill monthly, so they can do it for me

They say the Devil looks like you I hear the Devil's an American They say, they say he's a real smooth talker Real put together

I LOVE this song! Super good with him.

You're no good, you're no good You could kill me and you should I'm an idiot for thinking This was anything but blood

On the wall, on the couch On the corner of my mouth You must like being the victim You've done nothing to get out Of this pattern of pain Washed away by the rain You'll forgive me if I promise And do nothing but the same <- like this is just the first verse

Oh I think I have been suggested this one before! I still like it.

Gritty underground rock bands are great for this comic.

No rest for the sinner Hypnos refused me my sleep This was the last night of my life With wine, I pondered on my deeds

Ring brother, ring for me Ring the bells of hope and faith Ring for my damnation I am at the gallow's end

[soultiio]

my god my god why have you forsaken me

wasn't I good to you?

[captainhysunstuff]

Soichiro is worried about Light’s taste in men.  (Let’s assume that somehow Yotsuba was never involved with Kira junk in this reality, lol.)

[stellarsightz]

🌠wip whenever🌠

Tagged by the lovely @priafey 🫶 thank you for the tag and sorry for replying so late hahah

I think my cicerlyn hyperfixation is starting to leave me, but i keep thinking about them all the time lol. Enjoy a handful of snippets i particularly like that i found in my notes app

Tagging: @azures-grace @cicerosfavouritelistener @abstractredd @vestigme @rustyram035 @v1ctory-or-sovngarde + anyone who wants to join <333

1a.

Fire and smoke. Long wooden beams snapped in half, crumbling to the ground. Lynwallyn gritted his teeth and dragged himself up, fighting off the sweet lull of unconsciousness as it threatened to claim him. He couldn't afford to pause.

He dragged himself out of the rubble, barely stopping to inspect his injuries. He wrenched a sword out of the nearest corpse. He snagged a pile of clothes he found in what he assumed were the barracks. He took anything his bruised and charred arms could carry. He left and didn't look back.

Days blurred. He found an abandoned shack in the middle of a forest. He used the bedroll, took everything he could and left.

Rinse and repeat.

He slept through most of the day. At night, he prowled the forest and searched for unsuspecting prey. He let himself get lost in the hunt, savouring the feeling of warm blood running down his hands. A few stray dogs tailed after him as he walked back to his camp, licking their teeth and eyeing the mangled corpse of the poor animal he just caught. He snarled at them and watched with satisfaction as they whimpered and scuttled away.

He took what remained of his meal to his hideout and skinned it, slicing it into smaller parts and making what passed as a meal for the next day.

He was gone as soon as the sun rose. He soon found a small village, River something. He sold the few pelts he got from the animals he caught. He ignored the curious, if not apprehensive, looks the locals cast his way.

He exchanged the stolen sword for a set of daggers at the local blacksmith, humming appreciatively as their familiar, comforting weight settled in his hands. His last stop was the general goods store where he purchased a single healing potion and some rations. He left without a word.

[Lynwallyn travels for a while]

1b.

Cicero whined for what must have been the fiftieth time, fists clenching and unclenching as he paced.

It wasn't fair! The cruel, awful farmer refused to help in spite of Cicero's pleading and begging. Oh yes, he had done lots and lots of pleading and begging, he had even offered coin! He had seen that look in the farmer's eyes when he produced his purse, gleaming and scheming. Trying not to show just how much he wanted to reach out and snatch it. And yet, he refused to even lift a finger. Anger coiled in Cicero's stomach, burning so bright it made his hands shake. He let out a strangled groan.

"Awful! How awful! Cicero and his poor, poor Mother are stuck! Oh, how will Mother get to her new home now?"

He spun on his heel, shaking a fist in the direction of where Loreius' house stood.  "That damn farmer is of no help! So are those stupid guards!"

1c.

The Mer stared at him with a strange expression. His brow creased, eyes flitting over Cicero's face. "You could have killed me. But you didn't. Why?"

Why didn't he indeed, Cicero pondered. He remembered his fingers tingling as he reached for his knives, but something stilled his hand. He still has no idea why.

"Cicero is just a poor, humble jester, he knew a beast such as you would look for something different to eat. Yes, yes, Cicero imagines he would not be very tasty," he lied smoothly, giving the other man a wide grin. The Mer laughed softly.

The rope fell around his ankles before Cicero could react. The Mer closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. Cicero yelped, wriggling, as he was lifted off the ground and slammed against the nearest tree.

The man's eyes were even more impressive up close, his gaze almost burning into his skin as he leaned forward. Appraising. Analysing. Hungry.

[demigodofhoolemere]

Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.

Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:

[indi-glo-archive]

the young royals fandom is so fucking weird about sara and i hate them for it

[undercooked-spaghetti]

RGG really decided to hand-wave Chitose and Lani's departure from Infinite Wealth and instead gave us the most mind-numbing post-credits scene for the snoozefest that was the Saeko/Ichiban subplot that felt like it barely did anything for the plot or characters.

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

I think PrinceZam should be put in a saw trap. Not that it’d be good for him just that it would force him to either confront the worst of his mortality and all of his fears and force him to reckon with the parts of himself that he continually tries to deny. Or die trying