#her every day: what fuckin war is happening now

[calamari-minecraft-corner]

I'll send a question ask in a little I just needed to sketch for regulation purposes first sooo..

Sorry that c!cala isn't spinning I couldn't figure out how to draw it in a good way.

I think I'll probably try to some little animation tests though so maybe I'll make her spin there

THATS HER EXACT FUCKIN FACE CRYPTID IM CRYING GSHDJSJSJ

literally C!Cala is just trying to have a good time man and god plus the server won’t let her

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— Setbacks are going to happen sometimes | Our wonder kid

this is raw and it comes from the heart.

Being sat on the sidelines with an injury is an ordeal in itself, but nobody ever told you the grind of rehabilitation would feel even more daunting.

You wake up every single morning with a sense of dread and getting up out of bed even feels like a constant battle sometimes, the whole idea of going into the gym is something that leaves a sour taste in your mouth knowing that you have to do something that you actively don’t want to do, but you don’t have any say in it.

There’s this constant internal tug of war between the urge to just quit and give in and the necessity to keep pushing forward to reach your end goal.

Every stretch, every set of exercise, every moment of discomfort is a battle against not just your injury but your own growing frustration.

You have to push yourself to do this to get better

You have to– You need to do this.

“You might want to slow down there, kleintje,” Viv’s voice cuts through the haze of frustration as she walks over to you in the gym, there’s beads of sweat on your forehead while you huff and puff and push yourself to continue.

There’s one thing that is bothering you though, the pain in your knee.

It’s really been bugging you today but you’re just trying to ignore it and continue with your rehabilitation.

“I’ve gotta push myself though,” You barely look up from what you are doing, the grit evident in your voice.

Viv shakes her head and steps closer towards you, “No, that’s not the right thing to do here. You push yourself too much and you’re gonna make this injury worse.”

“This sucks,” You admit, giving up on the task at hand and taking a moment to catch your breath as your breath hitches slightly, trying to not wince at the intense shooting pain in your knee you currently feel.

“I know it does kleintje,” Viv rests her hand gently on your shoulder, “But nobody said it would be easy.” She says, the tone of her voice gentle to reassure you.

“Why not? I… I’m just stuck, I feel like I’m making no fuckin’ progress,” Your voice cracks with frustration and self doubt, “Non, what so ever!” 

“Setbacks are going to happen, it’s going to be okay though,” Viv’s eyes soften with empathy, “There’s no time limit on your recovery, remember?” She adds.

Shaking your head in disagreement, you can’t help but think the older woman’s words feel hollow, “I feel like, I literally feel like.. Why do people constantly tell me that? I’m useless!”

“No you’re not,” Viv insists, her voice firm.

You can’t help but scoff slightly and shake your head, “Yes I am, “ You retort, the tears stinging your eyes, “I… One day I think that I’m doing well and then, it’s just… it’s just not, I hate this!”

“Kleintje,” Viv says gently, taking a step closer.

“No, I hate this… I hate this so much!” The words tumble out of your mouth, raw and unfiltered as you grit your teeth and try to push through the pain.

You have to ignore the pain and continue.

It’s the only way that you’re gonna get better.

“Look, I’d love to sit here and chat some more with you Vivi, but I need to get back to my rehab exercises,” Your sarcastic wit remarks as you try and go back to the task at hand.

“Hey, hey, whoa, no, that’s not a good idea to do that kleintje,” Viv states, taking a gentle hold of your wrist, “You can’t push yourself more than needed, okay? You’ll end up hurting yourself more if you’re not careful.”

“You… You don’t know how hard this is, Vivi,” You murmur, trying to pull away from her, “You don’t know what I’m going through right now!”

The dutch woman didn’t let go off your wrist as she pulled you towards her, “Kleintje, of course I know how hard it is. I do understand, you’re not alone in your thoughts there.” She tells you, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I… I hate this Vivi,” You admit, sinking into her side and trying to keep the tears at bay.

Viv takes a deep breath, her hands cup your cheek as she looks you in the eye, “It will be okay, alright? I know it feels this way, but it will be okay,” She pauses, “Come on, let’s go find Beth and head home, yeah?”

“I… Alright then,” You admit defeat and allow Viv to guide you out of the gym, walking by her side to go and find Beth somewhere around the training grounds.

You sit slumped on your bed, staring at the wall with a sense of hopelessness that seems to grow with every passing minute, you hate the toll this injury has on your life at the minute.

The weight of your frustration and isolation is almost suffocating, it feels like nothing can pull you out of this dark spiral that you feel right now.

The knock on the door pulls you from your thoughts, it’s soft but it’s enough to pull you out of your spiral of self-pity.

Maybe right now you could do with another famous lecture from your england skipper, that seemed to somewhat help last time.

“You okay?” Beth peeks her head around the door, her expression a mixture of concern and determination.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You mumble, though your tone betrays the lie.

Beth raises her eyebrow before she crosses the room to sit beside you on the bed, “Y’know you’re not a very good liar. Maybe try saying it a bit more convincingly and I may just believe you kiddo.”

“I… I’m fine,” You insist, clutching your  hands together tightly as if they might hold all of your turmoil in check, “Seriously, you don’t need to check up on me, Beth. I am… I am fine.”

“Okay then,” Beth says, her tone softening, “How about we talk instead?”

You roll your eyes and shift uncomfortably, “Well, I’m not much in the mood to talk either.”

“Right,” Beth exhales a small sigh, “Then just listen instead. What’s with pushing yourself so much?”

You whip your head up in the blonde’s direction, “Vivi told you about that?” You ask, a pang of irritation inside of you.

“Of course she did,” Beth agrees as she nods, “And Leah did as well when she found you in the gym on your own. You know we’re all worried about you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” You snap, the frustration bubbling to the surface which makes your voice sharper than you intended.

“It helps to open up and talk about it sometimes kiddo,” Beth says, her voice steady and soothing despite the cold shoulder you were giving her.

“Does it?” You retort, the bitterness evident in your voice.

“Yes–”

“Well, I don’t wanna!” You cut her off, feeling the frustration boil over, “I told you that I didn’t want to talk, but you don’t listen!”

Beth’s face falls slightly as she still remains calm, “You… You should, kiddo. You can’t keep all this emotion bottled up, it’s not healthy.”

“You don’t know crap about what’s healthy, Beth!” You snap, the anger in your voice making your words more biting than you intended.

“Hey, kiddo. Whoa, calm down,” Beth says, holding up her hands in surrender, “I’m not trying to upset you, I just wanted to talk and find out what’s going on.”

The walls feel like they’re closing in as you try to suppress the wave of emotions threatening to break through again, “Can you… Can I please just be alone? I… I don’t want to talk, I just… I want to be alone.”

The blonde’s eyes soften with a mix of sadness and understanding, “Okay, alright… We’ll be in the other room if you need me, alright? Just shout for me if you need me.”

“Uh huh, thanks,” You mutter, feeling a twinge of guilt for yelling at Beth as she stands up and heads for the door.

As the door closes behind her, you’re left in the quiet of your room as the weight of your thoughts and feelings press down on you.

It’s all too much.

“Urgh!” You exclaim in frustration, letting your actions get the better of you and before you think about it, you slam your fist against the headboard of your bed with a hope that the physical pain might somehow offer a release for the turmoil that has been building up inside of you.

The sharp thud resonates through the room, a brief harsh distraction from the emotional weight that feels almost too heavy to bear.

You know it’s the right thing to apologise, you didn’t mean to lash out but your anger got the better of you, once again.

You just ended up lashing out at the wrong people.

“Hey, there you are,” Viv spots you lingering in the door frame as the two of them sat cosy in the living room, “We thought you fell asleep. Come sit with us?” She offers.

“Sure,” You shuffle to move and sit down on the sofa in between them, “Sorry, I snapped.” You turn to Beth to apologise.

Beth smiles at you in understanding, “Not every day is going to be easy, kiddo. You’ve just gotta take it one day at a time.” She reassures you.

You nod, though it doesn’t completely ease the ache inside, “I hate this,” You murmur, trying to keep your emotions in check.

“I know, I get it,” Beth replies, her tone encouraging but gentle, “It’s going to be hard, but you’re stronger than you realise.”

You hang your head and struggle to keep your tears at bay, “I feel like… I feel like I have no purpose in life right now,” You admit quietly, “I’m just… I’m stuck. I’m useless, everything in life right now is so hard.”

Beth gently wraps her arm around your shoulder, “Listen to me, alright, kiddo? Setbacks happen sometimes even when they’re not expected,” She pauses, “One minute you think you're fine and then the next, you’re not. It comes out of nowhere and your emotions hit you like a full blown tidal wave, it’s understandable.”

You know the blonde’s right about that.

You guess your bruised knuckles are enough proof to admit how you really feel, a stupid dumb split decision that you really regret now at least.

“It will take time,” Viv chimes in, smiling at you sympathetically.

You feel a pang of frustration, “I… Why am I not further along, why am I… I hate this!”

“It’s like we said,” Beth gaze remains steady and supportive, “Setbacks are bound to happen, it’s not always smooth sailing but it’s going to be okay, alright?”

“I hate this,” You admit as your voice cracks, “I hate this stupid injury. It’s a complete burden on my life!” You exclaim, the burst of anger being realised.

“It will get better with time kiddo,” Beth still tries to reassure you, “Now, how about we order a pizza for dinner? You haven’t eaten much today.”

Shaking your head, there’s a familiar sense of resistance rising up, “I’m not that hungry. I just… I don’t want to eat anything right now.”

Beth and Viv share a worried glance between the two of them, “You’re sure? You should try and eat, even if it’s something small,” The Dutch woman states, worriedly.

“I’ll eat something later, I promise,” You agree begrudgingly, “The rehab kinda wore me out today, I think I’m just gonna and get some sleep if that’s okay?” You ask them both.

“Of course,” Beth replies to your question, “Get some sleep kiddo. Tomorrow will be a better day.” With these words in your mind, you exchange hugs with them both and make the walk back to your bedroom to collapse into bed with hope in your thoughts.

Tomorrow will be a better day, setbacks will happen and it’s okay to admit that.

You just have to take it one day at a time.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Every time I learn something new about Batman: War Games I lose my mind a little bit more cause just, just fuckin, look okay so here's the thing:

Stephanie Brown tries to implement a contingency plan of Bruce's just after he fires her from being Robin and because of that gets tortured to (almost) death and no one knows she survived.

THIS STORY RUNS IN THE NEWS:

So, you know, anyone who might be paying even half a fucking ounce of attention to news about ROBINS would definitely absolutely notice this!!!

And then very very soon afterwards Jason comes back and specifically targets Black Mask to ruin the criminal empire he tortured Stephanie to get

As a way to torment Bruce about the fact that he doesn't take care of the nastiest criminals and they continue killing people

And how Jason should have been the last to die

and SOMEHOW

these two things are in no way related and Jason has nothing to do with or say about Stephanie Brown, fellow Robin, fellow martyred soldier, fellow child dead due to Bruce related villains.

HOLY DEAD SIDEKICKS BATMAN, DO YOU COMPREHEND THE MAGNITUDE OF MISSED OPPORTUNITIES HERE????

please walk with me down a timeline in which:

Lost Days Jason at first just tries to go after the Joker and can't because who he's really mad at is Bruce.

Then he sees Who Really Killed Stephanie Brown and the utter horror of another Robin dying on Bruce's watch (not just dying, but tortured to death!) is what convinces him to try to straight up kill Bruce via car bomb

Roman Sionis is no longer merely a tool against Batman, but another figure to demand vengeance be brought upon, another attempt to give Bruce a chance to right his wrongs and do what needs to be done

The confrontation with him and the Joker being all the more tragic due to how obvious Bruce's answer would have to be once Jason knows Bruce isn't going to avenge Stephanie either

Does Jason, once he escapes the rubble after UtRH is over, kill Black Mask anyways? Does he decide to avenge her himself? Or does he think that she too would demand that of Bruce, and find his death by a different hand unsatisfactory?

If he doesn't kill Black Mask, then when Steph is back, I feel confident he approaches her, tries to reach out to the other dead Robin, almost certainly makes the offer now that he can ask her. Does she take him up on it, gaining an ally and slipping into a far darker role? Does she instead refuse, either appealing to forgiveness or far more interestingly refusing both vengeance and forgiveness? How would Jason handle a refusal, which I gut instinct feel is more likely?

If he does kill Black Mask, then when Steph is back Jason drops his corpse at her feet like a loving housecat with a dead lizard and she has to grapple with her feelings about having someone really and truly avenge her!!! Like how DO you react to someone who you have been warned is wildly dangerous and mentally unstable coming up to you and saying, "I'm glad you're back, like me. I'm sorry you're back, like me. I made sure you could rest knowing he was dead, because I know what it feels like."

Like no matter how each character reacted to this happening there would be so much high stakes emotional shit to explore with both of them!! Revenge I feel like is such a pivotal thing for both characters, they mirror each other in so so many ways, they could be really interesting together if DC would just fucking let them!!!

Jason had a criminal father who he missed and wanted to avenge. Stephanie had a criminal father who she wanted vengeance on.

Jason started off as a fairly gentle soul who progressively became more violent and more hopeless as he was exposed to genuine horrors during his time as Robin. Stephanie starts off violent, angry and rash and finds her own courage and hope through her time as a crime fighter despite of the horrors she's been through.

Jason went to Africa and died there after Bruce failed to save him. Stephanie was taken to Africa via a fake death in order to save her from Bruce and the vigilante lifestyle.

I just...

There's just...

There's SO MUCH HERE I am genuinely fucking confused as to how this is not all deliberate?? And it's all just left on the cutting room floor because for no reason apparent to me they all just decided Stephanie and Jason were not gonna interact!

AAGHHHH!

[peakyltd]

Storm

John Shelby x Reader

A/N: Hiii! It's been a while. I haven't forget about this account or writing in general but time was not in my favor 🥲 I missed every single one of you and I'm glad I was finally able to finish this. About the one shot: I got my inspiration for this piece from the scene in season 3 under the pier with Arthur, John and Mrs. Changretta.

Warnings: Rage, mentions of war

Words: 1K

A soft breeze found it’s way trough the opened window of the kitchen, gently touching her skin while she was occupying herself to finish the fresh apple pie. She looked up briefly, her eyes catching the peaceful countryside that made the corners of her lips turn into a small smile. The gentle hue of the sun made it look even prettier and she already imagined John and herself sitting outside, enjoying their pie.

She carefully opened the oven before putting it inside, the feeling of the escaping heath against her face warned her to be careful. She wiped her hands on her apron after closing it and focused on the dishes that needed to be cleaned. Once she was almost finished she heard the front door open, letting her know that her husband had arrived.

Heavy footsteps came her way, followed by a soft touch on her lowerback. A smile crept onto her face as she turned to look at him. “Hello darling.” She greeted happily. “Hi love.” He murmured before pressing a light kiss onto her lips. “The apple pie is almost finished so I hope you’re in for it.” She smiled. “Mhm, smells good.” The lost look in his eyes and the lack of enthusiasm told her everything she needed to know.

While she dried her hands, John turned to leave the kitchen. “John, wait.” She called after him, stepping away from the counter. “What’s wrong?” Her eyes scanned his face, worried about his well being. “It’s nothin’'.” He took his cap off, holding it tightly in his hand while his jaw tensed. “Rough day today, that’s all.”

She gently grabbed his hand while stroking it with her thumb, a way to soothe him. “What happened?” She wondered. “Just business, just… leave it, yeah?” His eyebrows were knitted together while his response sounded rather annoyed. He turned away from her to continue his way out. “I can see it bothers you, love. You know you can talk to me.” She carefully tried again in hopes he wouldn’t torture himself with his own thoughts.

In a swift motion he turned around, throwing his cap her way and pointing his finger in her direction. While she tried to dodge his cap, his eyes widened and his face flushed with rage. “Shut up! Yeah?! Fuckin’ shut up!” His voice was loud while his breath quickened. “I told you it’s fuckin’ business. Now fuck off!”

She gulped at his sudden outburst, her eyes widened in hazy uncertainty. Neither of them making the first move to leave the kitchen. His narrowed eyes were overshadowed by anger but she noticed the glint of sadness lacing them. The tension in his face slowly faded while he looked at the woman he loved so dearly, knowing she meant well but his anger was getting the best of him too easily.

He turned around and left the space, eager to get outside. The sound of the heavy door slamming shut made her turn to watch him trough the window as he threw the first object he could find along the gravelly path, followed by many curse words and shouting.

A deep sigh fell off her lips while she felt the concern gnaw at her. The funny, charming and above all; sweet guy was still there but since his return from war, his ability to regulate his anger was barely there. He claimed he didn't came back with a trauma like his brothers but for his loved ones it became more visible with each outburst.

Sometimes she could calm him, sometimes he knew he just needed time and sometimes none of them knew how to handle it.

Her hand carefully rested on his broad back, letting him know that she was there. She kept quiet, not wanting to disturb his peace as she sat down next to him on a log. His head hung low, resting against his hands.

“You deserve better, y’know.” A low mumble came from his lips. “How can I get something better when I already have the best?” She looked at his frame while gently stroking his back. He shook his head softly. “Not the time for sarcastic jokes, eh.”

“It’s not sarcastic nor a joke.” She tilted her head, noticing his tear stained face. Her chest felt hollow at the sight as she wrapped her arms around him, carefully pulling him against her body. He rested his head against her chest, his arms finding their ways around her waist.

“He wanted me to kill her.” He confessed after a while. “I couldn’t do it, she’s a good woman.” Her hand gently stroked his hair. “Who?”

“Mrs. Changretta. She was our teacher. I remember her giving us sweets and…” He stopped, allowing himself to take a deep breath. “I fuckin’ threatened her, she was fuckin’ scared but I couldn’t do it.” He sat up straight.

She took his hand, stroking it softly with her thumb. “You made a good decision.” He turned his head to look at her, eyes tired and sore. “Her husband is dead, Arthur did it.” She nodded hesitantly at his words. “How is that a good decision?” Her gaze held his, no good excuse coming to mind. “You saved her.”

He looked down at his shoes, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe.”

Spoken words made place for silence as they held each others hand. The soft breeze found its way to them, slowly blowing trough their hair while the sun gently caressed their skin.

“I didn’t mean it.” John spoke up, turning his attention back to her. “I know I can’t take it back but I didn’t want you to shut up or fuck off. Not any of that. I’m sorry.” She squeezed his hand softly. “I know. It’s fine.” She assured him.

“You fuckin’ surprised me with apple pie which smelled so damn good and I just treat you like shit.” Her knuckles gently stroked his cheek while his remorseful gaze took her in. "I forgive you."

"I'll do better, I fuckin' promise." He added, his hands finding their way to the sides of her face, lips connecting with hers as they melted into a deep, meaningful kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too, John.” She smiled, giving him one more kiss. His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer to him as their bodies connected in a way that made the monster in him fall silent.

Tagging some people who might like it, obviously no pressure to read it if it's not your cup of tea! @brummiereader @call-sign-shark @peakyswritings @zablife @emotionalcadaver @runnning-outof-time @tea-atfive @raincoffeeandfandoms @lovemissyhoneybee

[mychoombatheroomba]

An Eye for An Eye

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 54

Leon and the squad grapple with the weight of their loss while you learn what you mysterious ally has given you.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter (Coming Soon!)

Chapter Index

“You look like shit.”

Valeria had never been one to mince words. Whatever else had changed in the last week, that had remained the same. At least something had. 

Leon wasn’t sure he wanted the company. He had gone outside to escape the droning fluorescent lights and ever-present eyes inside the CIA facility. He’d gone out to be where his thoughts could have a quiet place to wage their war. His friends should have brought him comfort. 

He hated that they didn’t. 

“Don’t worry, I feel worse.” His response was dry as his friend leaned against the wall beside him, sliding down to sit at his level. She hummed what might have been a laugh, once. Now, the sound was muted. A gray tone where once there had been vibrant color. 

Leon could sympathize. 

“Good to know we’re all in the same boat.” Dina lowered herself onto the ground at Valeria’s side, the three of them looking out towards the dimming sky. 

The shorter of the two women scoffed, shaking her head. “Can’t fucking sleep. Every time I close my eyes, it’s just . . .” 

She didn’t need to say it. Leon knew. Maybe that was why they’d sought him out. Maybe they hoped he’d have some advice. Some secret to help them through it all. As if he hadn’t been cursed with this for months now. Just when he’d thought he might finally be free of it-

“You guys hear the official story?” 

Leon turned his head towards Dina, who looked up at the sky like she had a bone to pick with whoever was up there. He knew what she was talking about without having to ask. The base. How the Army would spin so many lives lost all at once. 

“They, uh . . . they’re saying it was a fire that got out of control. Someone smoking without authorization. Summer heat, dry brush . . . fwoosh .” She motioned with her hands, then let out an empty laugh. “Probably easier that way. Don’t have to send home any bodies if they’re all ash.”

A fire. The same excuse used for Dorne base. More lies. More deaths kept hidden. 

It was a bad joke.  

“You know, they put all this money into this,” Dina droned, shaking her head, “training us to fight monsters, teaching us to spy and shoot and whatever else. And then none of it fuckin’ matters.” 

“It’ll matter,” Leon shook his head, surprising himself. He sounded like you. Like you used to, before everything had crashed down around you all. He just wished he believed the words more. “It’s gotta mean something.” His life hadn’t been torn open and rearranged for no reason. You hadn’t been made to relive the worst night of your life for nothing. He had to believe that. 

“I don’t think any of this means anything,” Williams shook her head, digging her heels into the dirt and pushing her legs out in front of her. “I don’t think watching your friends kill each other has some greater purpose behind it.” 

“Dina,” Valeria spoke, her voice softer than Leon had ever heard it, “he wanted to go out on his own terms.” 

It didn’t matter how right she was, though. The words, the memory of you lowering that gun, of that look of nothingness in your eyes, and a pool of crimson framing Logan’s head . . .

“Shouldn’t have had to, though,” Dina shook her head. “He should be right here, telling us some stupid shit about tanks, or singing fuckin’ Journey.” 

The world blurred a bit, as tears stung at Leon’s eyes. He clenched his jaw tight. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let it out, or he’d crumble. These last few days, he’d learned very quickly in the solitude of his room that once he started down that path, there wasn’t much that could stop it. 

None of this should have happened. Leon almost spoke it aloud with a bitter laugh, feeling his heart beating at a faster pace. His mind running in desperate circles, trying to escape the thoughts that nipped at its heels. None of this should be like this. 

All the wishing in the world wouldn’t change it, though. 

“But he isn’t.” That was all Leon could manage to say. 

Dina shook her head, her mouth pressed in a thin line. “But he isn’t.” 

Silence blanketed them for a few long seconds, before the covers were torn off again. 

“Sarge said anything about it?” 

The question was meant for Leon. Who else? He was the one you spoke to most, before. If you would have said anything, it would have been to him. Should have been to him. As it was . . .

“No.” He couldn’t decide if he wished you had or not. 

Dina didn’t look like she could decide, either. She bit at the inside of her mouth, shaking her head. “I know why it had to happen . . .” she said, nodding like she was trying to convince herself of it even now; that you putting a bullet in her friend’s head was the right thing to do. That it was mercy. “I just . . .” she just couldn’t fathom it. 

Leon nodded in turn. “Yeah. I know.” 

There was only so much rationalizing one could do. Only so many times a person could tell themselves that it had to be done. Leon knew he would either be broken by that fact or become numb to it. He wasn’t sure which one he dreaded more. 

Nor was he able to dwell on it for long, before a figure approached, winding around the edge of the building. Leon and his companions looked up just in time to see a guard there, his face pulled into a tight expression. Leon didn’t even get to ask what brought him there before the guard spoke, gesturing for them all to stand. 

“Everyone needs to come with me. Now.” 

He didn’t hide it very well - the worry in his voice. The urgency. 

“What happened?” Valeria asked, her eyes suddenly sharpening as she picked up on the new energy brought to the moment. 

There was no real answer given, only a sense of looming dread as they were ushered back to their rooms. A sense of dread that was becoming all too familiar to Leon. 

⧫⧫⧫

Fate hadn’t given you many of the things that you’d hoped for. 

In fact, lately, it felt like life had been gorging itself on you, rather than practicing charity. What it had given, you found, had only led to hurt. Or it surely would. This would be no different. The gift you’d just been given would bring pain, but it was the kind you would gladly endure. You wouldn’t refuse something you craved with all your being - that you had paid for in blood and bruises and a breaking spirit. You gave in to a dark faith that now, finally, fate had thrown you a goddamn bone. 

Not all those around you shared that sentiment.

Including you, there were five in the room - a room that was completely sealed off from the rest of the world. Simmons watched the room from the edges of it, twisting the gold ring on his thumb while he focused. Hellman and Benford were more focused on the computer screen in front of them. As for the fifth . . . you could never remember feeling so much weight behind Major Krauser’s gaze. He’d done a poor job of hiding his concern when you and Hellman explained what had happened. That concern had so quickly turned to rage, and you had wished you could return to being blind to the cause of it all. Things had been less complicated, then. 

You wished a lot of things could go back to the way they had been. 

But with no way to go but forward, you set your focus to the information in front of you. A hound being given a scent. 

“I don’t like this.” Benford shook his head, the computer screen in front of him reflected in his glasses.  

The images on it, the text . . . 

Coordinates. Overhead images of an island - Kolguyev, it read. A sizable but mostly unoccupied piece of land in the Barents Sea. Russia. The island itself had a small town on one side, and on the other, a fenced perimeter. Four buildings were tucked in, surrounded by more open expanses of land. Ranges, you realized. You could see vehicles, even what looked like a tank, and well-carved pathways for them to use. It was a familiar layout even if you’d never seen the island before - you’d spent the last several months in places just like this, after all.

“It’s a training facility,” you breathed, your voice raspy. Crushed down to size by the man’s hand around your throat. A man who, it seemed, had given you a target. 

It was all but confirmed when Benford scrolled down, and names and faces you didn’t recognize passed the screen. Service records, you realized, though not for any one country’s military. No, they were unified under a different banner. 

𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚂𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚎

𝙰𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝: 𝚁𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝙲𝚒𝚝𝚢

That was not surprising. Instead, what caught your eye was not who they served, but where they’d come from. 

𝙱𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚌 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝙺𝚘𝚕𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚎𝚟 𝙵𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢

Benford leaned back in his chair, his mouth set in a thin line. 

His silence only served to fuel your anger. You weren’t alone in that. 

“You said Reed was heading to Russia?” Krauser sounded just as viciously pleased as you were. It only made the senior agent at the computer more uncomfortable. 

Benford nodded. Once. Reluctantly. “But there are Umbrella facilities all over the world. We don’t know-”

“We don’t have to know.” You straightened up, feeling something rise in you. Potential energy, the need to do something. And now, you’d been given a heading. “If this is a training facility, then we can start to level the playing field.” You could take from them what they’d taken from you: their future. And if Reed was there, then you could kill him. You could show him the failure of his cause as he died and-

“The risk is too high,” Benford shook his head. “Not when we have so little concrete information.”

“But you can get more information.” Krauser sounded almost as certain as you were, tearing open holes in Benford’s argument. 

He’d taught you to press the offensive, so you did. “You wanted to fight Umbrella. You trained us to do that, and now what? You’re too scared to use the weapons you built?” You met Benford’s eyes, and felt some little satisfaction when you saw him waver under your stare.  

His response was measured, even so. “It’s not that simple, Sergeant. It’s how we were given this information that concerns me.” 

“You mean the man who broke your perimeter like it was made of tissue paper?” Krauser’s words bit hard into their target, as they so often did. 

Benford just turned the attack into more ammunition. “Exactly. This man broke into our facility without issue. He overpowered you and Hellman both, and left just as easily. This kind of intel isn’t just given without motive.” 

“Umbrella has enemies besides us,” Simmons pointed out, finally entering the conversation with a cool voice. “Their facility on Rockfort Island was destroyed by a paramilitary organization a few months ago, was it not?” 

So Krauser hadn’t been given all the reports after all, because that name didn’t sound familiar to you. By his reaction now, it wasn’t because the Major had omitted any information when it came to you.

“It was,” Benford confirmed, “but I would argue that makes this more suspicious. Not less.” 

It was Hellman who spoke next, incredulous. “If Umbrella has an enemy in that man, why is he not the one storming Kolguyev?” There was something to that, you supposed. He’d crushed a knife blade in his hand. Lifted you off the ground like you were nothing, and moved with a speed you couldn’t hope to match. Even so, even with all that power, he was handing this off to the likes of you. “He wouldn’t let us take him in for a reason. He’s setting us up to be pawns.” 

“Does it matter?” you found yourself asking, the words not your own. Did it matter whose pawn you were, so long as Umbrella was dealt a blow? 

Benford turned to you, already-present frown lines deepening. “There’s a good chance that this is a trap. If this is a training outpost, there will be soldiers there-”

Fire rushed through you, your gaze turned to a branding iron. “I’m counting on it.” 

A laugh followed your declaration, and Simmons pushed off the wall. Satisfaction curled his lips into a smile. “ That right there. We need more soldiers like that if we’re to stand a chance against this corporation. Sometimes risks must be taken in a fight such as this one, and we need those who will do what it takes.” 

“So glad you approve,” Krauser snarled under his breath, but the conversation went on as if he’d said nothing.

Benford snapped his attention to his fellow agent, then. “Derek, we don’t have many people who know about this conflict left. If this operation goes wrong, we could lose all of them.” 

It was true. You knew it. This was enemy territory. No reinforcements, no solid intel, nothing to go on but what you held now. And it was worth it, for the exact reasons that Simmons spoke now. “And if this really is a training facility, if more records like these are available there and we got ahold of them,” he pointed his chin towards the screen, “then we could root out Umbrella’s personnel.” 

People like Reed. People like the man who’d driven a knife into your gut, and the team that had been with him. If there was a chance you could find them - track them down . . . 

“So send me.” The room turned towards Krauser, the Major pulling attention with his declaration. One forged in iron. One that embedded itself in your gut.

“By yourself, Major?” Simmons asked. The bastard had a talent for sounding patronizing, one that Krauser didn’t appreciate, if his biting tone was any indication. 

“Benford’s right. You’re down too many men to send them. I’m the most experienced soldier you have who knows about all of this. One man has a better chance of not being spotted than a team.” 

No. You felt a surge of something rise in you at the suggestion, because you knew how that would end. Whatever was happening with Krauser, whatever his feelings for you and however you felt in return, you knew that if he went out there alone, he would likely die. 

That was unacceptable. 

Even so, you stopped yourself from voicing that thought. You stopped yourself because all of the people in this room seemed to think that there was something between you and the Major. Something you couldn’t give credence to. You had to act as though you didn’t care, as though the man who’d saved your life, who’d given you so much, meant nothing to you. 

So, just like with Alenko, you dug deeper into the hollow of yourself. 

“So,” the Major went on, blue eyes boring into Benford’s own, “send me.” 

The most horrifying part was that the men around you considered it. You could see them making the mental calculations. Better to lose one man than an entire squad, that was the brutal calculus of it. One that you couldn’t exactly argue.

“No.” Your focus snapped elsewhere, and you never, ever thought you would be grateful to Hellman of all people. Still, the agent, wielding the guilt you’d buried in his gut, went on. “You’re a good soldier, no one can deny that, but this is about infiltration. Information retrieval. That’s what I’ve been trained for.” 

Krauser scoffed, somehow making a laugh sound dangerous. “You couldn’t even tell that your friend was an Umbrella plant.”

“Neither could you, Major,” Hellman reminded him. “Not until it was too late.”

“You watch your mouth-”

Hellman went on, undeterred. “I’m in the best position to make it right. I can scope things out and see what’s there.” It was an idea that sat with you no better than Krauser going alone. Not because you cared about Hellman’s safety, but because he didn’t deserve this vengeance, as far as you were concerned. 

“Noble of you,” Simmons nodded, still twisting the gold band on his thumb, “but that doesn’t solve the problem of one man not being enough to take down an entire base. A small team could assess the facility covertly and then infiltrate it if need be,” he went on, eyes sharp as he planned. 

“The Umbrella facilities we’re aware of thus far have always been more than they appear on the surface,” Benford pointed out. “There could be more than what’s depicted here. They would be on enemy territory, going in blind, fighting a force they’ve never faced before.” 

“How fortunate then,” Simmons just went on, his fingers twisting his ring while his lips were twisted into a smile to match, “that we have individuals with experience in such matters. Individuals who understand the value of knowing one’s enemy, and will stop at nothing to take the fight to them.” He looked at you, then, with the expression of a man who gambled and won more often than not. A man who didn't mind betting, especially when he wasn't the one who stood to lose. 

You didn’t mind that he was gambling with your life, though. Not so long as you got what you wanted. 

The only trouble was that Simmons wasn’t the only player in this game. 

“I don’t like the idea of sending just the two of them,” Benford said, another opinion added to the mix. One borne of mistrust - that much you could see plainly. You and Hellman were untrustworthy in his eyes, even now. You couldn’t blame him, you supposed; this mysterious man with too much information on Umbrella appeared out of nowhere and gifted you exactly what you needed. Anyone with a brain would find it suspicious. 

You understood that, you truly did. The only trouble was, what you knew was coming next. What you felt in your bones. 

“Kennedy has been inside Umbrella facilities before,” Benford went on, and it was clear to you then that fate had not, in fact, thought you’d paid the price for this gift. No, it demanded ever more. “And they worked well with Soto and Williams. That would keep the team small enough to avoid attention.” 

Your jaw tightened as he spoke their names, eyes going wide, showing off the red that had crept in when your air was cut off. 

But before you even had the chance to speak, Krauser huffed, incredulous. “Then I should go with them.” 

“I would be inclined to agree,” Simmons took a moment to formulate his counter, “but you and Hellman here are the only two instructors we have left with knowledge of bioweapons.”

“You can just tell someone else. They just destroyed an entire base, it’s not like it’s going to be a secret forever.” 

“The President has made it clear,” Benford said this time, “the fewer people know about all this, the better.” 

It was a losing argument. A fight not worth spilling blood over. That didn’t stop Krauser, though. “You’ve got to be joking,” the Major shook his head, looking between you and Simmons. “You wanna send a bunch of shell-shocked rookies out there? You’ll get them killed.” 

Simmons tilted his head to the side. “Many of these ‘rookies’ have service records before STRATCOM, Major. With the exception of Kennedy, I suppose. Though I would imagine his experience in Raccoon City makes up for that fact.” 

“They’re not ready-”

“Are you implying that your training of them was insufficient?” 

“Damn it, you’ve seen them!” He was talking about the entirety of your squad, but he looked at you. And in that moment, you had a realization: this wasn’t the Major you were used to seeing. In the last few months, he’d been a steadying force for you. A leader you could look to for guidance. Now, in this moment, all you saw was a scared man, clinging to whatever control he had left. Control that he’d given up the moment he gave you those reports. The second he admitted his guilt in doing so. “They’re afraid, and angry, and if you send people like that out there, they’re going to slip up. They’re going to get themselves killed.” 

He’d told you so many times to never show weakness. To never bear your scars and wounds. Now, here he was, doing it without meaning. 

A blunted blade would do them no good. Whether that was Krauser or Leon or you. 

So, no matter how much you wanted to insist that Leon be left behind, that he wasn’t suited to this mission, you knew how that would look. You knew that, to Simmons, that would be blood in the water for him to scent and salivate on. 

Not that it mattered what you or Krauser wanted, anyway. The decision was already being made, you could see it in Simmons’ eyes. 

Leon’s fate and yours, your friends . . . you were all tied together. At least you could spare one person you cared about. He’d saved your life once, after all. You hadn’t expected to return the favor this way. 

You hadn’t expected so many things. 

“You’re angry, sir,” you said, finding your voice again, however hollow it may be. You’d seen many expressions on Krauser’s face that you’d never thought to see, lately. The surprise you were greeted with now, almost like betrayal, was one of them. He wasn’t the only one that had a claim to that betrayal. Still, you carried on, reminding him of a fact he should have known well. “Your judgment would be just as compromised.” 

You’d never been on the receiving end of Major Krauser’s anger, really. Some part of you had hoped to never experience it. When faced with it now, though? You were surprised by how little it affected you. He’d taught you to face down worse though, hadn’t he? 

“My judgment?” He asked, stepping closer. “You want to talk about emotion clouding judgment? All you’ve ever done is let what you’re feeling control you. The only reason you’re here is revenge. That’s it. You want to kill the people who took your Captain. Your friends-” 

“Umbrella didn’t kill them,” you said, your expression blank as you stated the truth that had eaten away at you. The truth that had carved a well in you and taken up residence there. Because as much as Umbrella had turned your friends into monsters, as much as Reed and the man who’d driven a knife into you had done, they hadn’t pulled the trigger on Rain. 

Or Reynolds. 

Or Alenko. 

“I did.” 

Krauser, for once, looked disarmed. He stared at you - him and the other men in the room. Men who had either helped shape you into the dagger you were, or would wield you. 

“I did what I had to do. And I will keep doing that, until Umbrella is buried.” That had been your vow, all those months ago. As you lay in a hospital bed, clutching a dog tag that would be all that remained of the man you considered a father. You’d lost sight of that goal, and the world had reminded you of it now. So, you looked at the computer screen in front of you, at the image of the base there. Your chance, not to make it right, but to strike a blow. “That’s all that matters.” 

And to these men who would be your commanders, who would now dispatch you across the globe, hunting your targets, that was enough. 

⧫⧫⧫

Hours passed, and still there were no answers. No justifications for why everyone had been taken back to their rooms, but it was all too clear to Leon that something had happened. The guards - rigid even on a good day - had been tight-jawed and tense as they’d guided Leon and the others towards their rooms. Something was wrong, because it seemed like something was always wrong, now. 

The only question was: what?

That night, he was allowed to imagine just how wrong things were. By the time their cell doors were opened again, the worst possible scenarios had flooded his mind, memories amplified by a sudden and gruesome abundance of imagination. It didn’t amount to the horrors he feared. There was no attack. No undead. 

All Leon was greeted with was a pair of eyes framed by glasses, set in the aging face of the man who’d ruined his life. “Agent Kennedy, if you’ll come with me, please.” 

Agent Kennedy.

He was an agent now, wasn’t he? He’d passed his final test. He was theirs to send wherever they pleased. 

Him and you, it seemed, because you stood just behind the agent, and you weren’t alone. Hellman, Dina and Valeria were there too, each of them looking like the hangman had called their names. Not you, though. You were stone, as you so often were.

Even with a handprint bruised onto your throat. 

Leon felt sick to his stomach as he saw the mark, the skin on your throat turned a dark purple from the pressure of someone's grasp. He’d worn a bruise to match after Raccoon City, courtesy of the silent monster that had stalked him that night. That had come too close to killing him too many times. 

That handprint had been larger than a human’s hand, though. The one on your throat could have belonged to anyone. Who then? Who had hurt you? Who had done this to you? 

There were no answers to be found from Benford, who simply gestured for Leon to follow, before pausing a moment. “And if you may . . .” he held up his other hand, one that had been clenched at his side. One that, as his fingers uncurled, Leon realized held little plaques. Three sets of two, linked by chains, numbers and letters stamped into the metal. Three sets of two, and one chain that linked three plaques, the name REYNOLDS clear to Leon’s eye, just as your name was. 

Their dog tags. 

Benford was collecting them. 

For a moment, Leon felt fear surge through him. With the group gathered before him, he worried that the feelings present among the group had finally been laid bare. He worried that, at last, their luck had run out and their places in STRATCOM had been taken as punishment. 

As he hesitated, Benford spoke a clarification. One he sounded solemn about. “You’ll get them back when you return.” 

“Return from where?” Leon felt numb even asking the question. 

Benford didn’t look any more pleased as he took a breath in, but Leon saw your expression shift. You didn’t look up from the empty space you stared off into, but your eyes darkened all the same as the agent answered. “I’ll explain elsewhere, but . . . you have a target.”

A target. 

A mission. 

His first. 

And wherever you were all going, your identities couldn’t follow. 

He had little choice, so did as he was told and reached up to his neck. A moment later, his name was pressed down beside yours and those of his friends, hidden from view as Benford closed his fist around them. 

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter (Coming Soon!)

Chapter Index

Tag List: @greywardensaywhat @torchbearerkyle

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[celaenaeiln]

lol hi its me 12 am anon so uh tldr is that i hung out with my friend and we got drunk and we made out or smth but more importantly they made w fuckin list of dick grayson things i started talking abt while drunk

- “bad idea right?” but its dick grayson and his exes

- bruce technically gave dick a family but dick’s the one who like truly made it feel like a family when it comes down to it he’ll fuck up bruce for his siblings

- that one “5 man band” trope and how he can fit as the leader and the heart

- into a specific (blank) to lovers? dick grayson’s got you covered

- the “barney from how i met your mother basketball hoop scene” and “eleanor from the good place mom she never had” but make it dick and bruce (teenage or adult idc i’d love both)

- nightwing could 100% be the figurehead of the dceu (like im talking spiderman level) if dc would do something [this was timed . i talked abt this for like 30 minutes all on its own]

i am . so embarrassed. also i dont know if we made out before or after the rant and i dont know which is more embarrassing .

what. what. "more importan-" NO! NO ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT IS NOT MORE IMPORTANTLY OH MY GOD!!!

MY MIND IS LITERALLY BREAKING RIGHT NOW!

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT? Do you like her? Did she say anything?! I-

WAIT DOES THAT MEAN DICK GRAYSON LITERALLY GOT YOU TWO TOGETHER?!

NO WAIT!! SHE KISSED BACK. SHE KISSED BACK!

oh my god i'm reeling.

Have you guys talked about it yet?

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

I LITERALLY CAN'T THINK OF DICK GRAYSON RIGHT NOW AFTER THAT BOMB YOU DROPPED ON ME BUT FINE

"Bad idea right" was literally written for Dick Grayson!

Nightwing (1996) Issue #133

"Bad idea right?"

Actually every single Olivia Rodrigo's songs feels like Dick wrote it.

Like the sour album? Every time I listen to it I imagine that Dick just wrote the album because he was so mad at bruce after being fired from Robin lol.

"bruce technically gave dick a family but dick’s the one who like truly made it feel like a family when it comes down to it he’ll fuck up bruce for his siblings"

That's true too!

Batman (2011) Issue #11

"The truth is, I didn't save you from some dark fate, those years ago. You saved me from one."

Batman (2011) Issue #11

"And you still are saving me, every day."

Bruce gave Dick security but Dick gave Bruce a life. He gave Bruce the ability to become human, to be happy.

Take Gotham War for example,

Batman (2016) Issue #138

Bruce tells Jason he's saving Jason from himself and Jason in turn asks Bruce who's going to save Bruce from himself.

Cut immediately to -

Batman (2016) Issue #138

Dick.

Dick has always been there to pull Bruce out of his darkest days when he tries or is willing but Bruce giving up on Dick's ability to do so is symbolic of him giving up on himself. It's the height of Bruce's irredeemability.

Even after Jason died, Bruce indirectly called Dick to come join him but at this point his back up personality is too far gone for him to recover.

Batman: The Return

Dick literally is the reason Bruce stays connects to the batfamily. In a good way.

He has no reservations about keeping Bruce in check.

"that one “5 man band” trope and how he can fit as the leader and the heart"

5 man band trope: one leads, one contrasts, one thinks, one fights, and one keeps all of the above from killing one another

DAMN RIGHT

He's the leader.

Batman: Gotham Nights (2020) Issue #12

And the one that keeps them all together

Batman: Gotham Nights (2020) Issue #12

Dick is the defacto leader when Bruce is gone or lost it.

Batman (2016) Issue #137

Batman (2016) Issue #704

Batman (2016) Issue #704

"Selina doesn't run Gotham. You do. While I'm away."

And the family's protector.

Batman (2016) Issue #137

"into a specific (blank) to lovers? dick grayson’s got you covered"

Yup!

Canonical:

Childhood partner to lovers - Raya Vestri

Friends to lovers - Barbara Gordon

Enemies to lovers - Shawn Tsang

Psuedo-family to lovers - Helena Wayne (they actually married in Earth 2)

Crime fighting partner to lovers - Helena Bertenelli

Kiss at first sight to lovers - Koriand'r

Pseudo-therapist to lover - Bea Bennet

Landlord to lovers - Bridget Clancy

Teammates to lovers - Zatanna

X to lovers - literally him and everyone

He's just so shippable that way. Not gonna lie, literally all of his relationships Dick and his lover have been great together.

the “barney from how i met your mother basketball hoop scene” and “eleanor from the good place mom she never had” but make it dick and bruce (teenage or adult idc i’d love both)

The New Teen Titans Issue #50

Man this hits hard. I've never seen how I met your mother but the parallels in the basketball hoop scene and Dick's talk with Bruce are uncanny.

The thing I think is weird about Dick and Bruce's relationship is that it's steeped in insecurities for each other. Dick feels hurt and betrayed and lost as to why Bruce would take in a new robin so suddenly and Bruce's tenure as Dick's robin is riddled with insecurities about him not being a good enough partner.

Batman and Robin Eternal Issue #6

However it's because of these insecurities that I believe they are close.

The difference between Barney and his dad, from what I gather from the clip, is that his dad never acted like one to Barney.

But with Dick and Bruce? Bruce was a good dad to Dick. But he was a terrible partner. Bruce treated Dick like an equal while still fielding reservations about his age and dealing with his own insecurities. Bruce knows that what he's doing is not right but at the same time Dick is far too competent. His intelligence, his athletic skills, his compassion, and his fearlessness were light years beyond anyone Bruce had ever met and Bruce acklnowledges this.

Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder Issue #2

"The GAS was supposed to knock his OUT. His brain out to be sailing past the MOON, right now. What's this brat MADE out of?"

Batman: The Widening Gyre Issue #1

Bruce's biggest problem with Dick is literally that he talks to much.

Dick is equal in every way to Batman and even exceeds him in some ways when he was Robin itself. So Bruce pushes the responsibilities of Batman's partner on to Dick while treating his as his son, mother, therapist, and partner. And Dick steps up to that. Soon they fall into a rhythm where Dick is Bruce's one for all human interaction. So imagine when you have a constant thing with someone that you're comfortable with and they suddenly start holding back from you. They begin talking about how you're too young to handle adult responsibilities. How you shouldn't be facing that burden. Now you're confused. Those responsibilities they are criticizing you for are the very ones that depended on you for. So now you start doubting yourself and trying harder and harder to make them see that you can handle the job. While you're struggling with confusion, they're struggling with guilt.

That is Bruce and Dick's relationship. Bruce grew a conscious after 10 years and Dick can't understand it. So there comes the self-blame and strife.

What Dick doesn't understand his Bruce feels guilty of his over reliance on Dick. Dick's self-blame has come to such a point that now even when Bruce in full honesty rants about how proud he is of Dick, Dick holds reservations because if Bruce was really proud then he would dump all the responsibilities on him right?

It's really messed up.

"nightwing could 100% be the figurehead of the dceu (like im talking spiderman level) if dc would do something [this was timed . i talked abt this for like 30 minutes all on its own]"

LOL

I think the Dawn of DC does have Dick be the figurehead or at least he will be in the future. We're just getting the beginning now.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #100

Nightwing (2016) Issue #100

Nightwing (2016) Issue #100

Nightwing (2016) Issue #100

"We want you to lead."

Justice League (2011) Issue #51

It comes full circle.

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Lightning On My Lips (Every Time You Kiss Me)

15 - Don't Wanna Wind Up Missin' You

Pairing: Tyler Owens x OFC Georgia Tennley

Rating: Explicit (MDNI!)

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and heavy emotions for both Ty and Gee

A/N: The puppies!!!!!

Playlist

The hum of the diesel engine was a welcome sound as Tyler, Georgia, and Boone drove toward his home in Arkansas. He was going to drop Boone off in Little Rock where, with the paycheck Tyler provided him for the season, the ex-rodeo-clown was going to buy himself a truck. That truck was going to get turned into something similar to Tyler’s for next season so over the off-season they had a lot of work to do. 

And Tyler had a conversation he had to have with Georgia. He waited until he knew Boone was fast asleep. Luckily, and unluckily, Boone was the heaviest sleeper Tyler had ever met. On the seat next to him, were the three puppies, Grits, Waffles, and Pancake, all curled together, soaking in the warmth from Boone's sleeping form. Tyler reached over the center console for Georgia’s hand.

“Hey.” He said softly, gaining her attention. She took his hand and squeezed, smiling wide. He brought her hand up to his lips, softly brushing over the back. His tone was low so as not to wake the puppies more so than Boone. “I'm gonna talk to your momma about the house.”

“Okay.” Georgia said flatly and Tyler raised a brow.

“Just okay?” He asked and Georgia’s stare turned hard.

“I just don't want to piss Emmaleigh off anymore than she already is...” She said and he intertwined his fingers in between hers and squeezed reassuringly. 

“You don't worry about that. I'll go to war, figuratively of course, to get what I need to provide for you and my...sorry...our kid.” He murmured and Georgia felt tears well for a second. 

“I just don't wanna lose her too...” She said and Tyler understood what she meant.

“If your sister doesn't want to be involved with you because you took the house off her hands that she didn't want in the first place so that she could get exactly what she wants...she's not gonna be supportive of anything else that you and I do. How do you think she's gonna react to you bein’ pregnant? Especially since it's my kid? You know she hates me anyway. So make it be all my fault. I'm okay with that.” Tyler explained and Georgia stayed quiet for a few moments while she digested his thoughts. He made a good point. Emmaleigh never liked Tyler, so she certainly wouldn't be happy to hear that he was having a kid with her sister, let alone anything to do with the house. And he was right about the house. Eleanor, their mother was constantly texting Georgia saying, ‘guess what your sister is complaining about today’ and rattling off issues about the house. She was definitely getting tired of it, and she wished her mother were still in state. 

“Y’know, Ty, every time you’re around, nothin’ can be normal. I mean...in a little over two weeks, we got back together, I’m probably pregnant, you just bought three puppies, Boone is basically living with us at the moment, we’re driving to fuckin’ Arkansas, after we just survived a giant fuckin’ tornado, and fixed your truck in less than a day and...jesus...” Georgia rattled off everything that had happened and Tyler just chuckled. He could tell she wasn't complaining because she had a huge grin on her face as she said everything and she laughed at the end of the list.

“No, no, no, not ‘normal’. The word you’re lookin’ for is ‘boring’. Boring is not a problem for me. Ever. And...” Tyler’s smirk was wide as Georgia interrupted him. 

“Oh and you asked me to marry you too. That was the most unexpected part of all of this. Like, the tornado wasn’t even that wild.” She said with a smile.

“I did that, yes...wait, did you think I was just gonna getcha pregnant and not put a ring on your finger? You should know by now I ain’t that kinda guy, Gee.” Tyler mused as he kissed her hand again, this time taking his eyes off the road fully and looking at her through lascivious sage orbs.

“No, I just wasn’t expecting you to ask so soon, I guess.” She shrank in her seat a little under his gaze, feeling like she needed to hide from the intensity of his stare, but not out of fear. It was out of arousal. She felt a fire stoked low in her belly and that was a first for her. Sure, she’d been horny before, but this felt different, Something she couldn’t quite describe. He grinned, seeing her squeeze her thighs together, and the road drew his gaze where it should be.

“So soon? C’mon, we’ve known each other for so long.” He said and Georgia straightened up, leaning closer to him over the center console. Her eyes flicked to the back seat, noticing one of the puppies shifting position to get more comfortable. Boone was still very much down for the count.

“Tyler we really haven’t.” She said, tilting her head, her gaze piercing, but he was largely unfazed. 

“Look, Gee, what we had before, it all just felt right and now we’re back together and it just feels like that again. At least to me, it does.” His voice became unsteady. His breath quickened, panic filling his chest. She thought for a moment and then responded.

“This doesn’t feel like that to me, Tyler.” She said and he glanced over, a solemn expression, before she spoke again. “This is so much better.”

Tyler smiled and his expression softened. He wanted to stop the truck and jump over the center console and make out with her, but they weren’t too far from Little Rock, where they’d be dropping Boone off so he had to reel in his feelings for a little while longer. 

🌪️ ⛈️ 🌪️

When they arrived in Little Rock, Tyler had to shake Boone and let the puppies crawl on him to get him to wake up. He awoke to puppy kisses and Tyler yelling, “Boone getchur ass outta my truck!” Boone yawned and stretched, then hopped out of the truck. Tyler helped the puppies down so that they could go to the bathroom before they headed back out on the road. They’d stopped at a gas station with a restaurant so Georgia headed to the bathroom as well. She hugged Boone before she did that and let him and Tyler say their goodbyes as well. Their plan was to have Boone meet them back in Stillwater at Georgia’s house. They had to be there in about a week to take care of her horses while her sister headed out to a horse show. 

When Georgia exited the bathroom, she took a quick stroll through the gas station shelves and noticed a couple of pregnancy tests. She thought about grabbing one, but she decided not to. She wanted to know of course, but she also didn’t want to know at the same time. She knew Tyler wanted this to happen more than anything, but Georgia was still feeling like she was in limbo. It felt like she was waiting for something to happen to give her a greater purpose. She felt empty since leaving the rodeo circuit and while the thrill of chasing a tornado down a back road was exciting, it just hadn't hit the spot like rodeo had. Then again, she had an empty feeling inside her chest since she left Tyler, so maybe it wasn’t even the rodeo. Maybe it was Tyler. It didn’t matter what that greater purpose was though, as long as she was with Tyler while trying to achieve it.

Once they were all settled back in the truck, Georgia felt sleepy. She didn’t understand why, as soon as she got in his truck, she could just fall asleep so easily. Maybe it was how comfortable the bucket leather seats were, or maybe it was the smell of his cologne that always lingered faintly in the cab, or maybe it was the low rumble of the Cummins diesel as he drove. Maybe it was the way he drove, so steady and calm, but only when he wasn’t chasing a tornado. Whatever the reason, Tyler noticed and he reached over to place a hand on her thighs and rub for a few moments before speaking. 

“Hey, there's one more stop I wanna make before we get to my parents' house, if that's okay?” His voice was low and quiet and Georgia nodded, then drifted off to a dreamless sleep once again. She awoke easily when she felt the truck roll to a stop. She opened her eyes and gazed out over a beautiful view of the setting sun. Tyler had stepped out and come around to her side and opened the door. “C'mon, wanna show you somethin’.”

Georgia took his hand and he helped her out of the truck. He kept a hold of her hand and led her a few minutes of a walk to a spot overlooking a river and a wide expanse of trees. He'd locked the truck with the still sleeping pups inside.

“Over to the west is where my parents live, to the east a ways is where Jake and I used to go muddin’ and do other stupid shit with our trucks as teenagers, and then right about through the middle here leads directly to the center of my hometown. We're standing on Dardanelle Rock right now and there's an old Native American story about a Cherokee by the name of Dardanelle, who waited for his lover, a Choctaw woman named Leonietta. They were gonna meet and run away together but when she didn't show after he waited for days, he figured she wasn't comin’ so instead of live another day without her, he jumped to his death. So the rock was named after him.” Tyler explained and Georgia’s brows furrowed as he took her hands in his.

‘That's sad.” She said and he nodded, as he gazed down into her pretty blue eyes. "It's always been a spot for lovers to meet though." She held his stare as he took her waist in one hand and one of her hands in his other. She placed her other hand on his bicep and he pulled her close. He paused for a moment, reaching for his phone. He pressed play and put it in his back pocket, turning the volume up just enough so they could hear the beginning guitar chords to “Wind Up Missin’ You” by Tucker Wetmore. Tyler took the lead and guided her into a steady rhythm as the words flowed through his phone speaker and over the soft rustle of the leaves that were just beginning to get some color other than green.

I know I might look like another ballcap on a barstool underneath a PBR light, saying everything under the moon to get you in my arms tonight. 

Georgia’s eyes locked on Tyler's, and she tilted her head with an easy smile as she allowed him to set the pace. This was one of her favorite things about Tyler. Sometimes, when he didn't feel like using his words, he would just pull her into his arms and dance, always taking the initiative. 

You probably heard it all a thousand times but it ain't what it looks like. Girl let me tell you what it looks like. 

Tyler never had a problem articulating what he was feeling, except in the case of Georgia. The words would get stuck in his throat and he couldn't bring himself to say exactly what he was feeling because it would turn into a five minute monologue. He could pour his heart out for her and it still never felt like he could express exactly how much he loved her.

And you look like waves on a sunset, and you can crash on me all night, and you look like wine on a truck bed, and a little what I'm doin’ for the rest of my life.

He could bare his soul and that still wouldn't express his feelings in those moments, when he felt so much love pass between them. He placed her hand across his heart, his much larger one covering hers, and touched his forehead to hers as he continued swaying back and forth, letting the song say everything for him. 

You look like I'm done lookin’, but girl the hard truth is, if this night don't turn into two, you look like I'm gonna wind up missin’ you.

In those moments, Georgia knew to listen, to let the words and the music soak in. To let it wash over her and try to absorb what Tyler was trying to show her.

I've gotta tell you baby, I've been the kinda boy your daddy never wanted you to go and fall in love with. The kind of boys you're probably done with their dumb shit, yeah.

Georgia felt tears sting her eyes at the thought of her father, and how Tyler would never get to meet him. Sure, maybe Tyler was a bit of a bad boy, but Georgia felt like that line might be wrong. Tyler was exactly the type of man her father would've wanted her to be with.

I bet you've heard the stories, can't say I'm proud of that, but I've turned the page on the old me and now I ain't lookin’ back cause

Tyler noticed a tear roll down her cheek and he reached up to wipe it away before stopping their little dance. He leaned down and kissed her as the chorus flowed to their ears again. 

You look like waves on a sunset and you can crash on me all night, and you look like wine on a truck bed, and little what I'm doin’ for the rest of my life. 

When they parted, the sage green of Tyler's eyes had softened to catch her brilliant blue in the fading sunlight. She placed her head against his chest and listened to his heart beat, and he sang along softly. Another thing she loved about him was when he sang to her, because he thought he was a bad singer when he actually wasn't.

You look like I'm done lookin’ but girl the hard truth is, is this night don't turn into two, you look like I'm gonna wind up missin’ you.

She felt the words rumble in his chest as he spoke, one of the most comforting feelings in the world that she'd never get enough of. 

“I know nothin’ is guaranteed, and I know that what we've been through so far has been fuckin’ insane, but if you can make me one promise, Gee, no matter how hard things get...don't ever leave me again...’cause I don't ever wanna miss you again. I don't ever wanna be on this earth without you again. I can handle a lot, but that's the one damn thing I just can't handle. I can't ever miss you again.” Tyler explained and Georgia heard unsteadiness in his voice. She heard the cracking of his composure. She heard the brave and unshakeable Tyler Owens, rattled to his core with the thought of her ever leaving again and that was when it really hit Georgia what she had done. Of course he had forgiven her because that's the kind of man he was, but in that moment Georgia vowed she would do whatever she could to love Tyler and never leave him, ever again. She'd built a fear in him and it was her job, no one else's, to rebuild trust. Like a naughty colt who'd had a difficult go of things, Georgia still had to convince him that everything would be okay. 

“I don't ever wanna miss you again either, Ty. I feel too empty without you...too incomplete.” She whimpered, moving to touch her lips to his. “I swear to God, Tyler Owens, I can't ever be without you again either.”

[missbunnybunny]

Widow what shall i ever do with you.... Welcome to the short tales of Widow harrasing 141. König come get ya girl! 141 wondering how Widow is still alive after all the dumb shit she has done.

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

*Random recruit*: What's that smell?

Soap: ye' smells like smoke.

Ghost: price most be smokn'.

Price: 's no me, lutenent.

*Gaz just walking in*: ya know half the is on fire, right?

*141 at the same time*: what!?!?

Ghost: Where's Widow? Fuckin' hell, WIDOW!

- Meanwhile, with Widow -

*Widow Committed arsene part 2#*: Ah, Que lindo día~ (Ah, what a beautiful day)

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

Widow: i like cha, and I want cha. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

Gaz: Try all ya wan' ya ain't gettin' it, am winning.

Widow: the choice is yours.

Gaz: And am gettin' that 1st place, one more run and I win🏆.

Widow: Okay, I see you choosin' the hard way. *throws a turtle shell at him*

Gaz: Widow, come on!

Widow: na na na na~ Take that L , I win

** WINNER LUIGI 🏆**

Gaz: I so, hate ya

Widow: Love ya, too.

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

*Random recruit: Am 20, so....

Widow: ur 20?!?

*stranger*: yeah....

Widow with a straight face: MF, you look 30.

*stranger*:.......

König: maus, that's rude.

Widow: I ain't takin' it back.

König: but am older than you.

Widow: I love u, so eso no vale madre pa mi.( so, I don't give a fuck, about that.)

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

**Now, what is widow doing? You may ask. Well....**

*Widow with her hair down crawling on the floor, trying to scare 141*

Soap: the fuck?

Gaz: Oh Hell, Nah. Am not white! My black ass is gettin' outta here

Ghost: ya seeing things. Nothins' there, ya wusses

*Widow grabbing soaps leg & whispering*: 7 days.....

Gaz & soap: AAAHHHHH!?!?! * they scream in a high peach*

*Ghost looking down at Widow* having fun there?

*Widow cry laughing*: Yup.... I love it

Ghost: good, price is coming in 5

Widow: oh, is he. Hehehaha, 😈

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

Ghost: Who the bloody hell melted, the frying pan?

Soap: How do you even melt it, that far?

Gaz: Half the pan is missing! did they use a bomb???

Widow:

............* slowly hiding behind könig*

Ghost: Widow... Why are you runn', Why are you runn'

*Widow running for her life*: am sorryyy! I don't know how it even happened.

Ghost: Widow what the fuck! * runs after her*

* Widow's war crimes against the kitchen continue. Who will win? Stay tune, until next time*

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

Well, folks, this the end of my tadtalk....hope ya enjoyed. Tiktok be giving me meme and crack ideas 🤣. Until I come back from the dead and we meet again. These are just a few reasons why widow should never be allowed in a kitchen. I mean, like, NEVER!

Also, should I:

☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆•°☆

[spade-riddles]

champagneproblesm asked:

Kinda tells a story when you pick the outro or last verse from each song backwards :

The only thing that's left is the manuscript. One last souvenir from my trip to your shores. Now and then i re read the manuscript. But the story isn't mine anymore

But now we'll curtail your curiosity in sweetness

She's been many places with men of many faces. First, they're off to the races. She's laughing drawin' aces. But, none of it is changin'. That the chariot is waitin'. Hearts are hers for the breakin. There's an escape in escaping OR she fell through the Ice then came black Alive.

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

When the truth Comes out it's quiet. It's so quiet .

(I'm so afraid I sealed my fate no sign of soulmates. I'm just a paperweight in shades of greige) Spending my last coin so someone will tell it'll be ok

What if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time.

I pushed each boulder up that hill.

This place made me feel worthless

Your words were just still ringing in my head.

I'm hearing voices like a mad man

Leaving me bereft and reeling, my beloved ghost and me sitting in a tree D-Y-I-N-G

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses, cooler in theory but not if you force it to be, it just didn't happen.

The devil that you know looks now more like an angel. I'm the life you chose and all this terrible danger OR she IS here to destroy you

Pick your poison, babe I'm poison either way

Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons. Even if I die screaming and I hope you hear it.

Only when your girlish glow flickers just so do they let you know i's hell on earth to be heavenly. Them's the breaksThey don't come gently

They said there was no chance, trying to be the greatest in the league.

You hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins. In public, showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion cause once your queen had come you treat her like an also-ran. You didn't measure up in any measure of a man

Cause i'm miserable. And no one even knows. Try and Come for my job

Your arsons match your somber eyes. And i'll still see it till the day i die. (You're the loss of my life.)

Your good lord didn't need to lift a finger.

I am what i am cause you trained me. So who's afraid of little old me?

Am i allowed to cry ?

Go on fuck me up

I did my Time.

All the wine moms are still holding out but it's over.

You'll find someone.

Waving at the ship, fuck it if i can't have him

Left all these broken parts, told me i'm better of but i'm not

Who else decodes you ? or / i chose this cyclone with you

it won't start up 'til I touch, touch, touch you

it won't start up 'til I touch, touch, touch you (fortnight)

Then midnights

I can't find a pulse my Heart won't start anymore

have they come to take me away?

You should find another guiding light

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

It's been two thousand one hundred and 90 days of our love blackout. The system's breaking down.

I'd pay if you'd just know me. Seemed like the right thing at the time.

Levitate above all the messes made sit quiet by my side in the shade. And not the kind that's thrown, I mean The kind under where a tree has grown

it's all over, it's not meant to be. So I'll say words I don't believe

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair. And we will never go back.

Had to do it this way 'Cause we were born to be the pawn In every lover's game

You say "what a mind" this happens all the Time

It's coming back around.

Break up, break free, break through, break down. You would break your back to make me break a smile

I think it's time to teach some lessons i made you my world. have you heard? I can reclaim the land.

I'm on my vigilante shit again.

But you were on somethin', It was one drink after another, Fuckin' politics and gender roles, And you're not sure and I don't know. Got swept away in the gray. I just may like to have a conversation

So I peered through a window, A deep portal, time travel, All the love we unravel. And the life I gave away

I'll run away

to hide that would be so dishonest. And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it. 'Til you do, 'til it's true

Pierced through the Heart but Never killed.

I feel you no matter what. The rubies that i gave up.

I find it dizzing they're bringing m'y History. But you weren't Even listening.

[hayffiebird]

Taste of Strawberries, chap. 52

Hayffie Post-Mockingjay Multi-chapter, Rated M

Four years have passed since the end of the war when Effie returns in to Haymitch’s life once again. An old friendship is renewed. Will it lead to something more?

Meanwhile Panem has entered a new era. The rebellion’s over, the borders are open but in the shadows, anger and mistrust are smoldering. Something that will affect Haymitch and Effie’s life in a way they never saw coming. READ MORE.

Chapter 52, Whispered sweet nothings

“Octavia, Flavius and Venia thinks we’re a couple of idiots for not having sex all this time.”

Effie burrowed into the blankets of her soft, warm bed. So grateful she needn’t be out there. In the cold and dark.

“Yeah, well”, Haymitch muttered over the phone. “That makes four of us.”

“You really miss it that much?”

“Every day. It’s the only way to stay fuckin’ warm this time of year.”

“True”, sighed Effie, glancing out the window. “You can hardly see the moon anymore.”

But logs crackled on Haymitch’s hearth too. The sound comforted her. He always built up a fire before joining them on the screen. “So you won’t piss and moan the whole time”, he said and he was right. She could not concentrate for even a second if his house was cold and dank. Didn’t matter if she wasn’t there to feel it. Knowing was enough.

But now he was toasty warm. And so was she. Not from the same fire or the same bed or even the same house, but still. That and Haymitch’s steady voice in her ear, painted her cheeks red.

“You flush at the drop of a hat, sweetheart”, Haymitch once teased her. This was before the children were born, or conceived. “It’s hella fascinatin”, he said as he pulled off his final sock and climbed into bed with her. “All I need to do is this”, and he gave her cheek a light pinch. He chuckled by how fast blood rose to the surface. The silent giggles tickled her when he nuzzled her cheek. Nuzzled and kissed it. Followed, of course, by a quick lick. “Yum!”

“Eew!” Effie made a show of wiping her cheek, but she was laughing too. “What are you, a vampire?”

“Well, I’ll suck you hard if you ask nicely? At least we know you’re human, and not a shark or a robot or something.”

“Oh, you ever doubted it?”

“Well …”

“You silly man … come here.” And she pulled him in for a kiss. A proper one, on the lips this time. “Let me show you just how warm-blooded I really am.”

“We were great in bed, weren’t we?” Effie spoke into the phone, an odd sense of longing in her voice. I just wish it lasted longer than a few short months, she thought but didn’t say.

Haymitch snorted.

“You were great maybe. I was passable at best.”

“Flavius wants details, you know”, Effie said, suppressing a smile. “About your love-making skills. He asked me to rate you.”

“And? Watcha tell him?”

“Nothing!” Effie laughed. “What? You want a rave?”

“Well, one star’s better than zero, right? A solid two’s gonna need some references. On the dating profile, I mean.”

Effie rolled her eyes.

“You’re not getting one and you’re no two. I’d never sleep with a two, don’t insult me! If you were bad in bed, Haymitch my dear, we would never have happened. I would have stopped you mid-act, no matter how much you begged me. I don’t do pity sex.”

“Bed? What bed? There was no bed involved the first time we fucked.”

”I know!” Effie groaned and covered her eyes with her free hand. “God … I still can’t believe we got away with that one. It was so inappropriate! And what we did at the Hob … ugh!”

“I don’t remember you complaining”, said Haymitch, amused.

“I’m obviously talking about Katniss and Peeta! We scarred them for life! No one wants to watch their sort of parents have sex!”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, they’ve already gotten back at me the same way. Ten times more naked. Fuck, that’ll teach a man how to knock, right?”

“Just for the record” Effie went on. ”You and me … we wouldn’t have gone all the way in that tiny restroom.”

“You told me to fuck ya.”

“I told you to sleep with me and still … Remember, I wasn’t on birth control at the time …”

“I didn’t know that.”

“But I did! And with all those people out there … no, no, absolutely not! We would have seen reason in time, even if they hadn’t barged in on us.”

“Wanna put some money on it, sweetheart?”

“Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

“Lack of birth control didn’t stop ya out in those woods now, did it?”

“Don’t remind me. Please.”

“Yeah”, said Haymitch and scratched his beard, “given our crappy track record, I’m surprised we don’t have more than two kids. But it wouldn’t be the first time you did something risky, eh? Didn’t you like, loose your virginity to the chimneysweep on a roof?”

“He was the chimneysweep’s son”, Effie corrected him, “and so what if I did?”

“Well … imagine if Katniss and Peeta knew that lil’ piece of info about their prim and proper escort?”

Effie sucked in a breath.

“Don’t you dare, Abernathy! If you tell them that, I’ll tell them how much you love being the little spoon!”

“I’d say they already suspect it, sweetheart. Well … not Katniss. She’s probably not yet figured out that I like ya.”

“Oooh”, Effie said, “so you like me now, huh?”

“Course I do, stupid. I’m old fashioned like that. Rule number one: Never fuck someone you hate. Rule number two: Never get someone you hate, pregnant either.”

“What does that even mean?” Effie rolled her eyes and yet she grinned. “Am I supposed to feel … what? Special? Flattered? Honored that you chose me as the sacred vessel for your offspring? That you wouldn’t go bareback with just anybody?”

“Well, I wouldn’t use the word ‘chose’ but … yeah, I’d say that’s pretty accurate.”

“You are so ridiculous, do you know that?” And she was ridiculous too, for feeling a fleeting, pleasant little pinch in the pit of her tummy. “Well, at least I was a ten out of ten in those woods, right? Remember the last time we made love?” She chuckled. “My hair all disheveled. Ruddy. Sweaty. Belly out to here …”

“You were the most beautiful thing I ever saw.”

His words, the sudden seriousness behind them, startled the smile right off Effie’s face.

“Oh …”

“I know you didn’t feel it”, he went on, “but you were so gorgeous. You’re always gorgeous.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

A long pause.

Effie’s eyes drifted to the nightstand. Beyond Octavia’s hairpins. The flickering candle. She plucked the framed photo with a small sigh. Gazed at their three faces.

She remembered that day. District 12. A clear and sunny morning, right after breakfast. Haymitch sat curled up in an armchair with Amy and Ian, reading them one of their favorite books. The twins couldn’t be more than five or six months old. Still dressed in their pyjamas they cuddled up to daddy who wore a fresh undershirt for once and the same washed-out sweatpants he always slept in.

Getting good pictures of Haymitch was a pain. He almost always scowled as soon as there was a camera around. And he wasn’t exactly the kind of guy you could sneak up on.

But this one turned out quite nicely. A glint of sun in his hair. A calm in his gray eyes, trained on the words on the page. She even caught him with a hint of a smile.

Maybe he realized she needed some memories to hold on to. Shrivels of normalcy, if you will. Something sorely lacking in their family.

Watching photos like this, she could almost pretend the four of them lead an ordinary life. One never fractured by the Games. Just a regular, normal, uneventful life that didn’t drive you to drink.

“Where did you go, sweetheart?” asked Haymitch softly.

“Oh …” Fresh tears pooled in Effie’s eyes, but for a completely different reason this time. She brushed her thumb against Haymitch’s cheek in the picture and returned the framed photo to the nightstand. “I just … really miss you. I slept so much better with you in my bed.”

“Yeah … I miss you too, sweetheart”, Haymitch said. “Well, not the elbowing and kicking and flailing all around. That I can do without. Fuck … can’t believe I still managed to father two children, what with you sucker punching me in the balls all the time. But I guess your eggs are just as single-minded as the rest of ya. My swimmers didn’t stand a chance, huddled together in a corner. Trembling.”

An obvious set up. A gesture toward the safer ground of teasing.

And she should take it. She wanted to. Wanted to want it.

But the tears tilted down her temples all the same, as more memories floated into her mind. Fragile, delicate, warm ones. Just like those paper lanterns she lit as a child on New Year’s. “Sky candles” mother called them. Here one moment, gone the next. Blinking stars in a sky without stars.

Haymitch, by the stove. Stirring a pot of soup.

Haymitch at the bakery, tending to customers and teasing Katniss for just sitting there eating cheese buns while he did honest labor.

Haymitch in the backyard, with a plump twin seated comfortably in the crock of his elbow – sometimes Amy, sometimes Ian – while feeding the geese with his one free hand.

Haymitch on the couch, pulling her, Effie, onto his lap. His lips tracing the freckles of her arm and shoulder. Counting them out loud with kisses.

Her sweet, kind, amazing man.

Effie’s nightgown had already inched halfway up her tummy during their conversation. Now, her hand that wasn’t holding a phone, slipped inside the fabric. Moved across her skin, almost by itself, until it cupped around the swell of her breast.

She shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help it.

The pink peak hardened almost instantly. The sensation prickled her skin and it wasn’t really her touch, in was Haymitch’s.

Don’t, her brain tried to object, but that wise and sensible part of her – who cared about consequences and boundaries – only grew quieter and quieter as she moved her hand downward, in between her legs. She closed her eyes and it was gone.

Completely won over.

Effie grazed over that swollen, erect bud and she sighed in pleasure. Just one word.

“Sweetheart …”

It was very quiet on the other end.

”Eff …”, Haymitch finally spoke, voice thick with emotion. “Are you … touching yourself right now?”

Shame flooded Effie’s cheeks. Shame. Desire. Everything, all at once.

“I’m sorry”, she whispered.

This was her cue. The moment when she was supposed to remove her fingers from herself, tell him goodnight and go take a shower.

She willed it. Willed herself. Instead, she only added more pressure. Moved her fingers – Haymitch’s fingers – up and down and deeper within herself. Delicious strokes that made her shudder all over.

“Must I stop?” Her breathing was growing more and more labored. “Tell me to stop and I’ll … stop.”

Nothing. For what felt like an eternity. Nothing but his breathing on the phone.

But just as she was about to heed a wordless “stop”, another sound filled her ear. Metal against metal. A clicking noise that could only mean one thing.

An unsteady hand, struggling with the buckle of a belt.

A smile spread over Effie’s lips, but it soon melted as Haymitch’s soft groans joined hers.

“Tell me what you’re doing”, she begged.

“Reckon that’s pretty obvious, princess”, Haymitch murmured.

“Tell me anyway.”

“I’m jerkin’ off. Thinkin’ of you.”

“And what exactly would you do to me? If you had me in your bed, right now?”

“Why don’t you paint me a picture, sweetheart?”

Effie gave a low chuckle.

“Alright. I’d pull you on top of me. I would shed all your clothes … with my hands and my mouth. I would kiss you … taste you …”

“And?”

“And I … I …”

“Say it.”

Effie flashed her teeth in a smile. Covered her eyes and said,

“I’d fuck your brains out … until you didn’t know which end was up!”

It wasn’t the first time they had phone sex, but it was the most intense. And Effie, she couldn’t remember ever reaching hers that fast. Even Haymitch, who wasn’t exactly known for his endurance, had to tug on her reins.

“Hold on. Don’t come already, sweetheart. Wait for me.”

”Then hurry!” Effie whined. She stilled her hand but even then she had to pinch herself – literally pinch her good parts! – to keep from climaxing even without friction.

”The kids can’t hear us, right?” Haymitch panted.

“No, no, they’re asleep. Several doors down. As long as you don’t holler your arrival.”

Which made it ironic that when the moment came, when the building pleasure finally exploded into stars and galaxies, Effie was the one who needed to clamp a hand down lest she screamed it out, just like she did in those woods.

Her Big Bang triggered his, like so many times before. Not through curses or shouts but oh my God! How she loved those labored short-breaths finally erupting into a loud, drawn-out shameless groan when he spilled over. Just hearing how much he enjoyed himself, enjoyed himself to the full, made her head spin.

Afterward, they just lay there panting. Both in their own bed and yet never closer. Not since Eleven.

As the sweat cooled, Effie waited for the embarrassment to kick in. The self-consciousness. The remorse, for going all the way with him – again – when they weren’t even together anymore. Well … not technically.

But how could you possibly regret something when it felt so good?

Haymitch spoke up first.

“Just look at this mess …”

“What?” asked Effie, out of breath.

“My bed”, said Haymitch, disgruntled. “I haven’t nutted in like forever. The amount of cum just now … fucking ridiculous.”

“Oh, that’s hot.”

“It’s sticky, is what it is. I just changed these sheets.”

“When?”

“Two-three months ago. Give or take.”

“Eew!” Effie laughed. “Well, now you’ve got the perfect excuse to go re-do it.”

“Great. More work. Thanks, Eff.”

“Poor Haymitch.” Effie put in her best effort to contain the rest of her giggles but no one could say she did a very good job. “Next time just remember to keep a sock by the phone.”

It wasn’t until later, when she blew out the candle and lay there in the dark, alone with her thoughts, that she fully realized what she said.

Next time.

[btwxsixesandsevens]

5, 8, and 12 for the fave/least faves?

Thanks for the ask Nonny!

5. Actor/Actress:

fave: This one is a tie. I love them both for the same reasons. Harrison Ford and Katee Sackhoff. They both bring a grounded swagger to a absolutely senseless universe, thus making unimaginable things accessible. Plus the sexiness.

Added: Frank Oz for Yoda. He made that puppet WORK. I love him, I cared about him, I cried when he died. Give Frank an Oscar or whatever.

Least fave: Young Hayden Christensen. Hayden now, as old Anakin, that's fine. He's holding it down. YOUNG Hayden? Episode 2 and 3 Hayden? MY GAWD, he was painful to watch.

8. Concept: Oh this one is open ended.

Fave: Droids. And the Droid Autonomy movement. They're these little guys we create that range from handheld gameboy sized all the way up. And some are free thinking. And some want freedom. And some believe in the Force? They have personality and perspective and get into trouble...every time I see a droid I wonder how old it is, what its seen, what it knows.

Least fave: Midichlorians. The Force is mystical and woo woo. Once they wrapped that science shit around it, once connect with the Force was genetic and something you could *measure* with a machine? ugh. That's not how magic works. Not how faith works. The only thing I like about Force User Sabine is that she goes a long way in disproving all that Midichlorian stuff. I mostly pretend it didn't happen.

12. Moment/Scene:

Fave: SO MANY. Han & Leia: "I love you. I know."; Darth Vader's intro scene mirrored by the same scene in Rogue One. So much stuff in Rogue One. Ahsoka dropping *from the literal sky* into the Siege of Mandalore. Then her fight with Maul. The final Obi-Wan/Maul fight. Kanan & Hera "I wish I could see you. You could always see me." Old man Luke Force projecting to fuck with Kylo. But one? one I think of all the time?

That's a puppet y'all. a fuckin' puppet that drops the most moving, interesting, thoughtful lines in the whole galaxy. I have to add him to my fave actor list.

Least fave: Anakin and Padme watching the space bison pronk in the field of flowers. It combines I least favorite actor with some of the corniest CGI to ever exist. It was early days for the technology, but seriously. It was bad.

Anyone else want to know my random thoughts?

Star Wars Fave Ask Game

[marycorleone]

Just a Dream, A Terrible Dream

Prompt: Hurt/Comfort, Underrated Characters

Joe Liebgott X F!OC, also Johnny Martin x F!OC and Chuck Grant x F!OC.

Include sex, threesome f/m/m

Joe wake up after an awful dream, but Mary is sleeping beside him.

It was the end of the war and the men of Easy Company were at the Eagle's Nest. It wasn't the end of the discussions for Lieb and Mary. Oh, no! Joe Liebgott was the hottest guy in Easy Company and he knew it. He flirted with other girls, thinking that Mary Corleone never saw him flirting. She saw him flirting on every occasion.

This lasted until a couple of days ago when Joe broke up with a female paratrooper. Liebgott was drinking and thinking about his ex fiancee. Bull Randleman told him.

"You should apologize to Mary. Before some other guy finds her. Y'know she won't be alone for long."

"And do you think I don't know that?" Joe replied.

"The faster you apologize, the faster you will be in her arms. Remember, friends help each other." Randleman gestured toward a nearby table and went to sit down. Joe knew that Bull was right, fucking right! He needed to apologize to Mary because he knew she wouldn't stay alone for very long.

-

Mary had just finished her bath when heard someone knocking at the door.

"Johnny? Chuck? What are you doing here?"

"Mary" Chuck was smirking and he replied "We came to talk with you."

"What?" Mary was only wearing her nightgown, so she put only her head out the door.

Johnny and Chuck looked at each other and smiled again.

-

Joe visited the house after Chuck and Johnny got there.He got the worst surprise of his life when he saw Mary, Chuck and Johnny naked. Mary and Grant were sitting on the sofa. Chuck was kissing and biting her shoulder as Johnny was kneeling between her legs, sucking on her sex. Mary had her hands on Martin's head, telling him,

"Johnny, calm down, I'm almost ready to come." Chuck told her. "Shh, Mary. It's my turn after Johnny gets done." She turned her head to kiss Chuck, while Johnny felt her breasts. No one saw Liebgott. He was quiet as he watched two guys fucking his ex-fiancee. Joe thought that Martin and Grant were his friends.

"No!" Leib screamed. This woke Mary and she shouted, "Shit, Joe! I was sleeping! What fuckin' happened?" Lieb replied "I had a bad dream!" She asked him.

"You woke me up screaming because of a dream? You're crazy, Liebgott! We need to go back to sleep because we have the Easy Company reunion to attend later today."

"Fuck!"

-

When the couple arrived at the reunion, Lieb saw Johnny Martin arriving with his wife, Pat Martin. Mary said "hello" to them, and Lieb stayed in silence.

The couple found a table and Mary cursed her husband.

"You were so eager for this reunion. What fuckin happened?"

"Nothing."

"You’re sick."

"Again?"

"Yes, again. You’re sick, Joe Liebgott."

After a silent moment, Joe called his wife.

"Mary?"

"So."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"We will stay together till our death's day. Right?

"Why this question now?"

"Mary, I need you to answer me."

"Yes. We will…"

He cut her with a kiss.

"Mary, I love you, with all my heart."

[aliypop]

Back To Black: Chapter 6

latest chapters : Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4   Chapter 5

Word Count: 9.436

Writers Notes: Here we are Chapter 6 topping off season 5 and kicking into gear of season 6, 

Warning: Show violence and language Suggestive themes, Smut

Pairing: OC x Canon

( Eleanor Williams ) / Thomas Shelby  

(Claudette Williams) / Finn Shelby

(Virginia Williams) / Ada Shelby

Plot: What happens When the Williams Family makes their grand return back to London from a war stricken France to only find the rocks of war and the runts of crime the Shelby family slowly leaking into their world,

Taglist: @shelbydelrey

1929-The Connolly Mansion

"I'm sorry, what..." Eleanor blinked as Claudette and Finn smiled, "We're getting married, Eleanor," she smiled, holding Finn's hand, 

"We were waitin for you two to finally do this..." Lorcan mumbled under his breath, "Where will the Wedding be and how many people, and who's staying in what rooms and-"

"We'll go to Westerham Heights, beautiful scenery, and it's traditional," Bernadette stated as Polly agreed, "I haven't been in years," she took a puff of her cigarette, "Why Westerham fucking Heights..." Arthur growled, "Why not Johnny Dogs camp or somethin... or like a church." Ada had hit him in the head, "Be fuckin respectful..." she grumbled as Virginia laughed, "Yeah, Arthur, be respectful." her head was on Ada's shoulders, "This just makes the deal stronger," Tommy looked over at Eleanor, "Joined by name, joined by family." Eleanor smiled, "I'm happy for you two. I really am," she walked out of the dining room, the sound of silent sniffles following suit, 

"Darling..."

"Darling? since when did you start calling 'er darlin?" Julian asked as Arthur interjected, "You must really like her. The last time he called a girl darlin was in France."

"First off, Arthur fuck off," he walked out, 

Eleanor was sitting on the steps, those same ones she had left out of Tommy's life with. Taking the sleeves of Tommy's sweater that she now claimed, she wiped her tears away, plastering a smile,

 "You okay, sweetheart?"

"Don't worry about me." 

"Eh, that makes me worry more about you." Tommy sat by her side, pulling her close to his side, her head in his lap, "It was just yesterday that we brought Claudette home from the God Awful Hilda orphanage... and we took her to France, put her in the best schools our money could buy, me taking care of her like I was a mother, Andre and I would... keep her calm from the sounds of war and Virginia." she laughed, "Would tell jokes, and now She's getting married, probably gonna start a family and-"

"You wish it was you, don't ya," Tommy asked as she nodded. Deep down, he knew how she felt, Finn, who barely even had a bit of an example of a positive relationship. Yet managed to strike gold on his first attempt, but Tommy, there was Grace and The countess, Tatiana if he could even consider her as anything, Jessie Eden, and Lizzie he really married to smooth things out with the Luca situation and their daughter Ruby, none of them really saw Tommy, not the one who's laugh could brighten the skies of Birmingham, or dance the night away at any club, they only knew Thomas Shelby and his many titles and mask, but Eleanor saw through every last one of them.

 "You know Eleanor I... Loved you the day we first met." she giggled as he smiled, "At the club?" she asked as Tommy shook his head, "The party with Chaplin." 

"Mr. Shelby, I didn't think they'd let you in." Eleanor chuckled to herself, watching the way it made him squirm. 

"Didn't think they'd let you in either."

"Oh, darling, my father put this little event together." she smiled, "A daddy's girl I should've known." he quipped, 

"A man who's just a scared little boy giving schoolhouse taunts," she mentioned taking a glass of champagne from the wait staff, 

"Are you Williams always this flashy."

"Flashy... Oh, I forgot you wouldn't understand you're still new money," she said, watching Grace dance with Andre. If only Andre liked women, the two would've been such a lovely pair.

 "And you forget you're talking to Tommy fucking Shelby."

"Such big words for a rather small feeling man," setting her glass down, she took Thomas by the hand, taking him to the middle of the dance floor. Grace had her eyes on the pair, watching as if she had daggers in her eyes. Of course, Eleanor loved it, and it only provoked her more to get under Tommy's skin, 

"Well, Eleanor..."

"It's Ms. Williams."

"Well, Ms. Williams, If I were you, I'd keep a close eye on your sister." he whispered into her ear, "And I'd keep a closer eye on the company you keep."

"Mr. Chaplin, have you met Eleanor Williams," Andre asked, placing his arm around her shoulder. His glance was on a man who resembled the one in front of him, "Oh, excuse me, Thomas Shelby, is it." Andre asked as Grace stood next to him, 

"I suppose you want her back."

"I'm sorry for how I was that night," Eleanor laughed as Tommy chuckled, "Were you..." he smirked, kissing her nose, "Not really, I was jealous of Grace a little, " she blushed, embarrassed to say it, "I wanted to impress, you, I guess," Eleanor laughed as Tommy shook his head, "You threw the fuckin party," 

"My father did," she corrected, "Either way, you weren't scared of me," Tommy smiled, "Sure, Finn and Claudette 'Ill get married, but in due time fate will play its cards, and maybe we will too." 

Westerham Heights

"Who's dress is this anyways?" Claudette asked as Bernadette and Vadoma helped her get dressed, "It was your mothers..." Bernadette said, 

"If it's hers, I don't want it..." Vadoma's heart sank as Bernadette sighed, "It's not hers, Claudi, it's..." 

"It's mine," Vadoma said, "I'm your mother..." Vadoma smiled. 

"No, my mother was that monster who shot me in the back..." 

"Leslie was not your mother," Bernadette sighed, "Why are you telling me now..." Claudette asked as the two looked at the bride to be, "It was supposed to be on your 16th birthday, but when Louis died and Eleanor gone, I-"

"You couldn't tell me!" she shouted, backing away from them, "You couldn't fucking say hey, your mothers alive, and she tells fortunes!" she laughed, "So it's let's wait on the day I finally find happiness !" 

"Claudette Hilda Dupont! You listen to me well..." Vadoma demanded her attention as Claudette faced her, "First off, you will respect your aunt do you hear me!" her voice filled with anger, 

"Yes..." Vadoma grabbed her face making sure their gaze met, "Yes, what..." Claudette looked into her eyes. She felt a presence that Claudette hadn't known, not even with Leslie. She felt the aura of a mother, her mother, "Yes, M'am..."  

"Just know that every day when you were away from me, I prayed that you were okay, you were watched over and loved," she held her face, 

"Then why'd you give me up..."

"I wanted the best for you. I wanted you to have the life my father deprived me of that your aunt got to live." she smiled, "And you did. I'm witnessing my daughter get married. Oh, if only your father were here to see it."

"I...I have a..." 

"Go put your shoes on."

Almost as if fate itself knocking on the door of Vadoma's Caravan was, "James!" spinning Vadoma around, as he kissed her, "James, Where's my hug..." Bernadette smiled as he hugged her tightly, "I've been good, treating patients in America and running numbers the usual." he smiled, "I didn't think you'd make it," Vadoma kissed him again, his mustache tickling her face,

 "You'd think I'd miss this?"

"How do I look..." white lace trailed down behind her, covered in pearls and gold jewelry on her neck. James had shed a tear, "You look just like your mama did in that dress back in 1901." he held Vadoma's hand, 

"Ya know I knew it..." Johnny said as Eleanor looked at him,

 "Knew what?" she sassed,

 "You was one of us," 

"And how so..." she asked, "Is it the bones?"

"Those earrings ya like wearin so much." he laughed, "It's also the bones." he joked. Eleanor stood next to her aunt's Caravan, smoking her cigarette and watching how everyone was reacting, "Yeah, my Aunt's the wonderful Vadoma, prophecies and all that jazz." she chuckled. Ada had worn black, still mourning the loss of the father of her unborn child, and Virginia was still right by her side, Karl standing next to Ada, the two holding hands. On the other side were Polly and her husband, Aberama, who looked to be in love. Of course, Arthur had been a little drunk, and Isaiah had been flirting with a few of the women, but then there was Tommy walking in with Lizzie and Ruby and,

 "AUNTIE ELLIE!"  the young boy ran up to her as she hugged him tightly, "Charlie, you've grown so big and so handsome," she ruffled up his hair,

 "Did you get my birthday gift?"

"Mhmm, It's a mouse."

"Not just any, it's Mickey Mouse, from Walt himself." she bopped his nose, "Thank you."  he gave her another hug, 

"Charlie! Charlie?" Lizzie shouted until she saw him, 

"I'm so sorry he doesn't usually run off-"

"Lizzie, it's fine. I haven't seen my God son in a while anyways, and is that little Ruby," she asked as Ruby waved. She was a shy little thing but still ferocious like her daddy. 

"Can we talk..."

"Oh, uh, of course..." Eleanor nodded,

"Charlie, Ruby, go find your father," Lizzie said as the two began to walk off, "What's troubling you..."  she asked, "It's Tommy..." her heart sank. She hoped it wasn't about something she had done, 

" Is he okay..."

"It's his usual..." she sighed, "I caught him trying to shoot himself in the field before we arrived, and lately, he talks about you when he's not talking about Grace," she smiled, "I mean, shit if I were a man I'd talk about you too, you're gorgeous." Lizzie smiled as Eleanor laughed, "So are you," 

"But, I don't know if I can do it anymore..." she sighed, "With him and Mosely and the business, I rarely see Thomas, that love and lust we had is fading and-"

"You want to divorce him..." she asked, as Lizzie nodded, "I haven't told him, but I've been seeing someone for some time, and, "

"You want to move on,"

"Yeah, I think you two would make the sweetest pair, and I don't say that to too many women who come in contact with my Tommy, but..."

"Nora, Dette needs ya!" Virginia shouted

"Shit, Lizzie, hold that thought!" 

"I want Eleanor and Tommy to walk me if that's okay," Claudette asked. Vadoma and James nodded, "I don't want to upset ya," 

"Came as soon as Virginia told me. Who the hell is that?" Eleanor pointed towards James, "That's your uncle, it's a long story, now where's Thom-"

"Right here, " Thomas smiled on the other side of her, "Vadoma, James," he nodded, taking Claudette's hand. He was more nervous for her than she was, but in his mind, it was practice for Ruby, 

"Do you think this dress is okay?"

"It's fine Claudette..." Eleanor said, walking her down where everyone was,"

"You could be wearin rags, and Finn would still marry you." Tommy added, "He's right," Eleanor shrugged,

 "Just breathe and-" Finn turned to see her as butterflies gathered in his stomach. She was his beautiful spring bride, and he couldn't wait to share his life with her. Watching her walk down the aisle was like an angel floating from heaven toward him. Lifting up her veil, he had wanted to kiss her at that very moment in due time as the Ceremony took place. Eleanor and Tommy kept stealing glances at each other. Both Lizzie and Polly took notice. Maybe she was right. They did belong together, but only time would tell that. 

A few months later, they had been gathered around the same place, a burning Caravan holding the body of Polly in it. The Shelby and Williams families gathered around, paying their respects. Of course, this marked the end of an era, but at what cost. The danger was afoot, and Eleanor could sense it. Things would fall about soon. She just wondered for who. 

1934 Arrow house

"Does it ever stop hurting..."  Lizzie asked Eleanor in between sniffles,  "No, you just make room for it..."  she hugged her. Eleanor didn't know what it meant to lose a child, let alone imagine that aching pain, yet here they were gathered at Arrow house, mourning the loss of Ruby, or at least those who had wished to join, 

"Have you eaten anything at least, Lizzie..."

"I'm not hungry..."

"You know I didn't eat anything when I got wind my father died. I nearly starved for three days." she laughed a little, 

"Elle, you didn't..."

"I did until I remembered they would much love for you to live life than join them before it's your time." handing her a cloth from her purse to wipe her eyes. All around them, there was a circle of death, life, and rebirth. Across from Eleanor sat Claudette and Finn and their three-year-old daughter Serena who'd been taking a nap on the couch, and Arthur, who, as hard as he'd been failing, was trying his best to lead a life of recovery. 

"Charlie won't leave her room, and Tommy... well, he just wants revenge and-" she took a deep breath, 

"Cry if you need to," Eleanor said, rubbing her back,

"Ada, what's wrong..."  Virginia asked as Ada held Elizabeth's hand. Ada gave her the cold shoulder, "So we're back to that now..." she groaned, the two standing near the food. As usual, things had been rocky since Ben's death. Ada would stop by the brothel, service one of the women there, and if Virginia was lucky, she might look her way. But today, she was through with it all. 

"Ada Shelby, you look at me right now!" the room fell silent, all attention on the two, 

"I don't have the energy to argue with you..." Ada tried to walk off as Virginia got on one knee, 

"Then don't argue.... say yes?" Virginia asked, her fedora hat on her chest,

 "Are you fuckin serious right now..."

"I am..." Virginia smiled, "I would give up everything for you. I'd die for you. I'd leave my girls, anything to know you're by my side for the rest of my life." Ada shook her head, a bit shocked as to what was happening. Another Williams in the family, Eleanor had thought to herself, 

"What do you say..."

"FUCK IT, SHE SAYS YES! 

"Arthur, I can speak for myself..." she rolled her eyes, Virginia still kneeling down,

 "Will you commit to me..."

"I will..." 

"Then you have yourself a wife..." 

Westerham Heights

It had only been a  month, and they all were gathered after a funeral amongst themselves at a wedding. Tommy had been running late due to some business with Mosely, Eleanor, Lizzie, and Claudette  were helping Ada with her dress, "Do you think Pol would be proud?" Ada asked 

"I think she'd say, finally, you two ran off and tied the knot," Lizzie commented as Claudette chuckled, 

"It'd be more like you two fucking did it finally," Claudette chuckled, pointing her cigarette like Polly. Eleanor fixed the veil, 

"Elle, what do you think she'd say..."  Lizzie asked,

"Elle..."

"Get down!" Her gun pointed at the head of,

 "Don't shoot!"

"Andre..." she growled as he collapsed right in front of her, 

"Andre!"

"What the fuck just happened, " Lizzie asked, 

"Claudette, get your father now!"

Laying on Vadoma's bed was Andre. He had a few cuts, bruises, and dried blood covered in his clothes, almost smelling like death had grabbed him. James loomed over him, cleaning his cuts, stitching him back together as the wedding outside took place, 

"Is he okay?

"Looks like a hit gone wrong..." James said, 

"Could've been..." Eleanor responded it wasn't that she was being stand-offish. She couldn't imagine her older brother dead after seeing so many caravan burnings. It was a matter of time before who would be next, 

"We'll leave you two alone..."  Eleanor gave her aunt and uncle a nod as she sat by the door, 

"Andre, if you can hear me..." she took a breath, "I want you to know you caused this family great pain. 

"Your stupid fucking decisions led you to a greedy path..." she laughed, "A dark path, and for what a life so many who grew up like us could wish for, huh..." she snarled, "Our sister's wedding, and you decided to show your face," she growled, 

"I outta-"

"You... didn't... need... me," Andre spoke, his mouth a little dry as he struggled to sit up, "Andy..." she sat by his side as she used to when she was little, "I did this... so you could rise to power..." he coughed, 

"You nearly gave up our business,"

"But you made it stronger..." 

"You had Luca after us."

"And you defeated him..." 

"You partnered with Luca and Leslie..." 

"And Claudette took her down..." 

"You shot Virginia." she pointed her gun at his head, "Don't siblings fight..." he asked as she growled, "You betrayed this family endless times, and you expect me to appreciate that..." her hand shaking as her eyes watered, "You expect me to hug you and welcome you! You couldn't even stand up for me... you let your hatred get in the way. Your fucking greed gets in the way!" she shouted, "AND I HAVE TO ALWAYS CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT, SINCE 190 FUCKING 1."  

"Nora, I'm sorr-"

"YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING SAY SORRY, YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE CHOICES FOR ME ANYMORE, YOU DON'T-"

BLAM!

"Eleanor..." Tommy ran toward the Caravan as he heard gunfire. Andre was holding his waist, blood on his hands. Eleanor gave him a look at him and gave him a nod. Taking Tommy's hand, she then left out.

 "We're even now..."

"Do I want to know..."

"I just want to go home, Tommy..." she laughed,

"I could take you to London."

"Take me to Moss Side," Eleanor smiled, 

"Moss Side? You grew up in fucking Moss Side?"  he blinked, "I wouldn't even step foot in Ardwick, and I have." he glanced at her as she shrugged, 

"Are we going or not?"

Moss Side  Manchester 

There it was, the bustle of streets and the slight smell of horse shit, it wasn't much, but to Eleanor, this was home, with pubs almost on every corner and a brothel on every other street. The cotton factories blowing smoke into the air, she was a child again, and for once, she was happy, happier than he'd ever seen her,

 "I'd take Birmingham over this any day..." 

"Scared, Mr. Shelby?" she teased as Tommy laughed. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't, "What's so fucking scary about Moss Side." Tommy winked, his nose scrunching up a little at the stench. It was a cute look if Eleanor had to be honest with herself about it,

 "Come on, Birmingham, you can take the stench of horse shite,"  leading the way to the Claremont pub. The two walked across the street, some kids playing, others making mischief, and some making the best of where they lived,

 Inside the pub was little hints of furnishings of the Victorian era, still as cozy as she remembered it to be when she had to fetch her father out from late nights.  

"Sorry to mither ya, but aren'tcha Louis's girl?" the barmaid had said, "Yeah, I am. Who's askin?" If Tommy hadn't been in love with her before, he was now, 

"It's me, Trudy,"

"Trudy Chapman...  Fuckin Trudy!" she gasped, "Oh, now I'm buzzin'!" Eleanor smiled. Trudy and Eleanor had been best friends since they shared a crust of a sandwich together in school,  

"How's ya muva still the same..."

"She's still a bit snide, but nevertheless still luvley." Eleanor chuckled. Something about her accent drove Tommy insane. Maybe it was because it wasn't like the posh ones he'd hear every day in the parliament or the fact all this time how he thought she was a Londoner when really she was a girl from the north and west of Birmingham, 

"Well, Ellie, I 'eard you was, engaged. Is that so?" Eleanor began to fiddle with her hand, a melancholy look on her face. If Tommy hadn't known, better he would say she'd have started crying, "It is," he interjected, holding her hand, "It is?" Eleanor looked at him, his blue eyes looking to the side of Trudy, telling her to play along, 

"It is! This is my Fiance, Mr. Thomas Shelby?"

"Thomas Shelby, like the fuckin politician and Peaky..." 

"That would be me." he tipped the peak of his cap,

"Oh, he's sound and 'Andsome." Trudy chuckled, 

"Well, can I get you two, Owt?"

"We're just gaggin' for a brew," Eleanor said, her head on Tommy's shoulder, 

" A brew at a pub?"

"He doesn't drink Whiskey anymore," she whispered, watching as Trudy walked away, "You didn't have to do that, you know..." she smiled. Tommy shrugged his shoulders, "I rather you smile than cry." he held her close.

 "So you really grew up here, love."

"Right down that street, ova there," Eleanor pointed, "If we were lucky, we could beat the scuttlers before school. Usually, Andre got 'is ass 'anded to 'im ova there, but that's what sisters are for." she sighed, mentioning his name,

 "No, there will be no frownin around me, do you hear." 

"Tommy..."

"I mean it. There's been enough fuckin sadness going on, " Tommy looked at her. Tommy was right, and he knew that when he returned home, Tommy would have to face Mosely, Jack, and his annoying niece Gina, for right now, Tommy Shelby was with the woman beside him,  "Mista Sadness tellin me to be cheery 'uh." she sassed as he laced his fingers with hers, "Yeah I am..." his blue eyes filled with admiration, 

"What's wrong wif you," 

"Your accent."

"What ya don't like it?" she pulled away from him as he laughed, 

"Don't having a benny on me."

"A what..." she looked at him, a bit confused, 

"He means a strop." Trudy smiled, setting both tea cups down, "I run into a few Brummies, including this cute one." Trudy grinned, "You don't say maybe Tommy knows  'em?" Eleanor said, adding sugar to her tea. Both Trudy and Eleanor watched Thomas fix his tea, 

"We don't all know each other."

"Oy, you're gonna be drinkin sugar with hits of brew in it, huh," Trudy commented, taking the sugar slowly from Tommy, "And, you're right, maybe he doesn't know 'im," she sighed, 

"I mean, he's from Small Heath an-"

"I might know him..." Eleanor laughed at his quick reaction, then back at Trudy's, 

"What's he look like?" 

"Well, he's tall, luves boxin, similar eyes like yours and-"

"Arthur Shelby?" Eleanor blinked, "You fancy Arthur?"

 "What's so funny..." 

"That's my older brother," Tommy said as Trudy gasped, "He's the most beautiful thin I ever seen." her brown cheeks had a soft red hue, "Is he seein anyone?" she asked, "I'd love to meet him... Again... maybe naked," she smirked, "Could think of some fun thins he and I could-" Tommy cleared his throat as Eleanor chuckled, 

"Never change, Trudy." 

As the night went on, Eleanor was by Tommy's side, the two walking the streets and chatting until they were standing in an alleyway, one she knew all too well. A shiver went down her spine. Tommy noticed how her once strong demeanor grew stiff and weak. She could hear ringing in her ear and a taste of blood in her mouth. Suddenly it was 1902, and she was 12 years old, trembling in her mother's arms, hearing the loud blaring noise of a gun firing off. She felt empty like time stood still, and it was now catching up to her,

"The Alleyway that gave me the name The Pearl..." she swallowed, then laughed, 

"You don't have to walk down it," Tommy said. 

Eleanor turned her face to look at him, "I do..." she smiled, looking back down the dark alley, "I can't free myself if I don't. I can't forgive him if I don't." Tommy only gave her a nod, knowing she knew what was best for her, 

"I'm coming with you." 

"You-"

"I've let you in. Just this once, let me in." Tommy asked. The two began to walk down the alley, the moon peeping through.

 "So why do they call ya the pearl?"

"Innocence and modesty ironically lost those at a young age, " she took a deep breath, "I was deemed as something everyone wanted, and everyone wants pearls," she laughed. The sound was a bit melancholic. Tommy took hold of her hand, listening to her,

 "But I called myself the pearl because I wanted to be untouchable..." she sighed, "To never feel that way again. Never be touched that way again,"

"Did you ever feel that way again?"

"Not when I was with you. I always want you touchin me," Eleanor giggled, the last flame of the street lamp flickering, "Or kissin me, holdin me even, but anybody else gets fuckin shot." he nodded, waiting for her to notice that they made it out the alleyway. "Seems you did it, darlin," kissing her cheek, "I did..." she hugged him. Tommy hugged her back, not wanting to let her go. He felt sorry for what she had to go through, but he knew either way, she was still the strong woman he knew that London feared. Looking back at her old home, she then took a step back towards Thomas,

"Should we head to Small Heath?" Eleanor asked?

"Thought you'd never ask."

Small Heath

Eleanor had driven the first few minutes back to Birmingham until she grew tired, and Tommy offered to finish the entire way, so now there was Thomas Shelby  with his favorite woman wearing his overcoat like a blanket with her head pressed forward on the window, yet he was still alone with his thoughts, about introducing his son he'd found with Esme's help, and the slight fact Tommy may or may not be dying, or that his love for Lizzie was fizzing out faster than a pop, but nothing mattered when he saw her relaxed state in that seat, 

"Tom... I think I may be in love with you..." Eleanor laughed, her vibrant brown eyes glassy and wide, trying not to fall asleep, "What makes you say that, love." His eyes on the road, the quiet sounds of nature as their music, "Well, I trust ya more than anyone. You're in my dreams. I see us 'avin a big family an," she yawned, "No matter 'ow much you piss me off, I can't leave ya..." 

"I'm not going anywhere either," he reassured her,

 "Good, c-cause you're me, best friend." she laughed, her eyes slowly closing as she curled into the heat of his coat, his scent soothing her, 

"I thought Trudy was Your best friend?"

"Trudy's second, an you're first now." her sleepy smile made his heart race. It was something he'd want to see on snowy days in London when the roads were icy. And the horses would be kept warm. They could spend the day in bed with her looking at him the way she was right now as he'd hold her on his chest, and they'd sleep the day away, no troubles, no worries, just them. 

"Don't smile at me like that."

"Like what.." she looked at him, batting her heavy-lidded eyelashes at him, 

"Like that,"

"Or what?"

"You're gonna make me marry ya." she  smiled again as she looked up at him, "Is that proposal me, beloved?" 

"Could be..." 

It had been an hour once they made it to Watery Lane with the lights still on and the Shelby headquarters and family home. As the door swung open, there stood Lizzie, whose face had anger riddled all over it, 

"Where the fuck have you been, Thomas..." turning to see his wife. Eleanor held onto him, her heels in hand as she was wrapped up his coat, "We left the weddin an went to Moss Side got some brew for tea, an, went down an old ginnel an we 'ere?"

"What the hell is she saying..."

"We went for a cuppa for tea and went down an alley, " she translated herself, 

"What were you doing in fucking Moss Side of all places. Rather you two go to Ardwick,"

"She's a manc,"

"A very tired Manc from Moss Side," Eleanor said. Lizzie then ushered the two in, rolling her eyes playfully at her husband, "Thomas, could we talk..." pulling him aside, "What's wrong..." something in the pit of his stomach told him this wasn't going to be good, after all, she'd already heard the news about him and Diana, she wouldn't shut her mouth about it during dinner, sure he had his affairs and flings for a distraction but, really since the death of Ruby things hadn't been the same and she knew they never would, 

"I want a divorce,"

"If that's what you want, then we'll get one." he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, 

"I'll take Charles with me, and we'll be out of your hair." she smiled,

 "Where is my happy ending..."  Tommy asked, trying to hold back his tears, he did love Lizzie, but he knew deep down she deserved more than to be there because of a child they no longer had, "She's in the kitchen with Arthur," Lizzie smiled, 

"I know about you and Eleanor, and I get it. Really I do. She's gorgeous, she understands you more than I ever could, you two share something special, and she can talk you down. I feel like I only bring you down, dear."  her thumb on Tommy's face wiping away a tear from his cheek, "Please, Tommy, smile for me..." she kissed his nose, "Worst-case scenario, we just simply weren't meant." 

Eleanor's heart shattered for Tommy and Lizzie as she heard from the kitchen what was being said. Claudette and Finn passing her bandages to help clean up Arthur from another binge and fight,

"What's wrong with ya?" 

"I'm fine, Mr. Shelby..." Eleanor said 

"Nah, you ain't. I 'ere it in your fuckin voice." 

"He's right.." Finn said, "You don't sound happy?" both Eleanor and Arthur glared at the couple as Claudette gulped, "I hear Serena crying... come along, handsome," pulling him away, 

"Did I mess up something good..." 

"You... no, if anything, Tommy almost missed somethin good," Arthur said, "Around you, he's happier, less of a pain in the ass, if you will," placing a cloth to his forehead and cleaning blood off it, "You're kind, but not easy to fuck with, you don't scare easy, hell if Tommy wasn't into ya I'd be, but don't tell 'em that." Eleanor blushed as she hugged him, a huff of pain leaving his lips, 

"Thanks, Mr. Shelby..."

"Call me Arthur,"

"Alright, Artie,"

"You're pushin your luck there," he said as she laughed, pulling away as she was about to leave  the kitchen, "Can I be honest with ya?"

"Of course, I think you should forgive your brother. A brother is the only person you can trust, who won't betray ya," he commented, 

"Did you..."

"He saved me life." 

"Eleanor Williams, can we talk?" Tommy said, coming into the kitchen, "Full name must be in trouble, huh," Arthur mumbled, "Of course, sliding the door to the betting den. The two walked to his office, "Look, Thomas, I can leave if you'd like. I'm terribly sorry for any pain I caused or-." Sitting on his desk, Tommy kissed her passionately. He wanted her to be as close to him as possible, his hands wrapped around her waist, looking at him in shock, "Lizzie was right..."

"About what?"

"You and I," 

"Thomas Michael Shelby, where is this going..." 

"Well, Eleanor Vadoma Williams, I'm marrying you." 

"With what fucking ring Thomas," she asked, pulling out the garnet ring. This time, it was different, cut like a pear with the pearls of her mother's ring adorning it, "When did you..."

"The night you gave it back." 

"What would Aunt Pol say to this..."

"It's about fucking time you two got married." Ada said, her wife draped around her waist, "She's right. I've been tired of your weepin about not marrying this man, so in this case, she says yes." 

"I can speak for meself..." Eleanor said,

 "Then what do you say."

"Yes, I'll marry you." she nodded. She remembered what Lizzie told her at Finn's wedding, and maybe this was what fate had in store for her, besides one must never look a gifted horse in the mouth,

 "Who's getting married now..." Lorcan grumbled as Julian  smirked, "I believe it's those two."

"Finally..."  Lizzie smiled,

London

Heels clicked down the hall as Eleanor held flowers in her hand. Tommy had sent off to Canada again to go meet Michael. It bought her some time to take in Arthur's words. He was right. There was nothing like having a brother. And when she thought about it, Andre was all she had now that Louis had been gone for so long. Here she was, giving him the cold shoulder. Opening the door of his hospital room sat Bernadette,

"How's he doing?"

"He's currently doing his exercises." Bernadette responded, "Oh, good. Well, I have news-"

"Mother, you're here." Andre smiled, "And you as well, Ellie," he glanced at her. Eleanor felt small, but she still felt like what she did was right, 

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize for shootin ya,"

"No, you responded the way I wanted you to." 

"What?" she blinked, 

"It was a test." Bernadette smirked, "A test for what?" she questioned as Andre laughed, "To see if you could handle the heat of the company," both of their expressions serious, "You betrayed the family..." she growled, "I did... and you handled every test while in the states amazingly." he laughed, "Even the last one,"

"And you were in on this," turning to Bernadette, who gave her a nod, "Your father and his uncles did the same thing to him and to Andre and now Andre to you," she said, "You not only knew I was alive, but you managed to save the company from my shit," 

"How'd you..."

"I might have partnered up with Lorcan and the Lee family."

"But I thought you disliked The Shelby family," 

"Well, one Lorcan is a Lee. He's a half-brother, he's an artist, and he's-"

"He's what... your type?" she asked as Andre rolled his eyes, "He was a good spy, is all," Bernadette laughed at her son, his face and ears red, "Might be another Romani wedding, I see..." she commented as Eleanor cleared her throat, "Speaking of weddings, "Tommy and I are engaged..." the room fell silent Andre laughed, "You and the Shelby guy, I mean it makes sense, you two are stubborn two peas in a pod, but I respect his design in a ring." he held her hand looking at it, he'd known those pearls anywhere they were Bernadette's pearls from her ring, and they accented Eleanor well, 

"Is it going to be a traditional wedding?"

"Well, we were thinking of a Romani wedding and a reception, maybe," she looked at her mother, 

"And who's walking you down?"

"Maybe Virginia." Andre cleared his throat as Eleanor gave him a smile, "Fine, you can walk me down, but don't go tryin to shoot Tommy, besides I've been told to forgive you," she stuck her tongue out at him as if they were children again, 

"Is that an apology? I hear..." 

"Oh, why don't you do one." she shoved him, 

"Oi, you two behave yerselves!" Bernadette commanded, her Irish accent peaking out from the heap of posh she hid it under, 

"Sorry..."  

As the week progressed, Eleanor and the rest of The Shelby women took it amongst themselves to go wedding shopping for something borrowed, blue, new,  and even old. One of the maids had come downstairs with a chess, a lock on the front of it, "Do you think it's a dead body in it?" Claudette asked as  Ada and Virginia nudged her, 

"Why would I be gifted a dead body..."

"Remember who you're marrying," Lizzie said, laughing as Eleanor chuckled, "I doubt that would be sent to me here," she stated. Bernadette and Vadoma walked in as she took the key from the young woman unlocking the box. In it was an old dress that seemed to have dated back to the 1880s, along with a veil, pearls, and shoes. It was the entire wedding set, "I saved this for you," handing her the dress, 

"How'd you know,"

"Vadoma."

" I read her palms," she smiled, 

"Aunt Pol read mine too!" Claudette gasped as Virginia laughed, "It's kinda a traditional thing," Ada whispered as Lizzie nodded, "Speaking of tradition, go try the dress on?"

"Are you sure?"

"You gotta see if it fits, no?" Vadoma rushed her out, dress in hand, 

"Well..." 

"You look gorgeous..." Ada blushed, 

"Tommy is going to love it..." 

"I think you look alright?" Virginia commented, "I mean, nothing beats my Ada in her dress," she kissed her wife as Lizzie laughed, "If you were a man, I think Ada would be pregnant with baby number 6," Claudette mumbled under her breath. Eleanor then took a twirl in her dress, a wash of joy spreading over her as it sunk in. She was getting married. It was finally happening. Small sobs left her mother's mouth, happier than her own daughter that she had finally found true love, 

"How's the shoes fit?"

"They're low to my liking, but I love them." Eleanor giggled, "I feel like royalty, honestly."

"Technically, you will be," Vadoma smirked, "He comes from Royalty?"

"Wait, what?" Lizzie blinked,

"It's Romani royalty,"  Ada added, 

"Oh..."

"It makes him a very sound man, to be fair, and it still counts Lizzie," Virginia commented,

Westerham Heights

"Two weddings months apart, eh," Tommy laughed, standing in front of Eleanor's Caravan, another surprise she didn't expect to see, let alone know about. Inside it was things she mostly thought were gone, like old toys, jewelry, pictures, letters, and even her favorite teddy bear, "I think it's sweet, actually," she smiled as Bernadette laced up the dress. She was wearing earrings that Lizzie bought her as a gift, a bracelet borrowed from Ada, Virginia's blue tie pin holding her veil in place, 

"You know you could be naked, and I'd still marry you,"

"Tommy! don't be Angin in front of my mother. She can hear you,"

"Sorry Mrs, Williams..." 

"Pretend I'm not her, why don't you." she shook her head, "Just don't make me a grandmother too quickly," 

"Can't make any promises," Eleanor mumbled, feeling the weight of gold on her neck, "You know I would've been fine married in a more comfortable dress or somethin," her mother's eyes glaring her down as she groaned,

 "But traditions, fine too..." 

"Ay, we're startin any minute," Julian announced, the two brothers walking away from the Caravan, 

"You nervous, Tommy?" 

"Nah, I think I'm sure I got it right this time," he smiled, fixing his brother's hat, "I was thinking of settlin down eventually. Don't know with who yet, but..." Julian smiled, "I want a legacy like you,"

"First try not to get shot at so much," he joked, 

"I can try,"

"Good, I can't lose another brother," 

"Am I late?" a brown skin woman said, running down wearing a fur wrap and a gold-colored dress, a bit of cleavage hanging out, her hair was in tight curls, and her makeup a bit heavy. She was still beautiful, running a bit more her heel had gotten stuck in a soft patch of soft grass, "Shit... shit... shit..."  she groaned, "I'm gonna be late, an Elle's not gonna forgive me, an-" as she nearly fell onto her face a pair of hands caught her, 

"Need help there, love?" his accent was just as thick as she remembered when he crossed the bridge and landed in her pub. "I'd like that a lot. I was tryin to leg it, an I got a bit into trouble," she laughed, 

"Always fucking soft patches of grass, eh," 

"Innit somethin," she smiled as Arthur winked, 

"'Ere hold on to me," helping her out the grass as the two fell over, "I'm so sorry!" looking into his blue eyes as he gazed into her grey-colored ones, 

"Clumsy, ain'tcha," he joked.

"I can be unless I'm carryin a fine brew or beer." she looked at him, "You look like you know a thin or two about a good whiskey?" 

"You'd be fuckin right," pulling out a cigarette and taking a lighter from her purse, she lit it for him, 

"Related to the bride?"

"No, I'm 'er childhood friend Trudy Chapman," she smiled, 

"Arthur Shelby,"

"Got a plus one, Mr. Shelby?

"Came alone"

"Not anymore," she winked at him, linking her arm with his own, 

"Is that Trudy Chapman..."  Andre asked, walking down Eleanor, "Mhmm..." she smiled from the last time they had a wedding at the camp. She didn't remember the walk being this long. But Eleanor also didn't care, for this time she was walking to get to Tommy and to start a life with him, one that would be challenging and fulfillment of wonder, "You look pretty in the dress..." he said, trying to make small talk, "So when are you gonna marry Lorcan?" she teased, " Elle, that could never happen," he kept walking her down, "You know I waited for this day to happen, just didn't think you'd marry a Shelby." he laughed, 

"Andre..."

"Hear me out. Once I met Arthur, then saw how Claudette was happy and Virginia committed to something, I realized, you need someone to beat you at your own game, and that's Thomas," he sighed, 

"I may not trust him, but if you like him, then I'll be cordial towards him and his rat family of crime,"

"They're our family too,"

"No, your family," he laughed, 

Standing behind Tommy was his beautiful bride tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to face her. He'd never seen a woman so beautiful except for maybe the ones in the paintings. Andre then lifted up her veil as he gave her away with a kiss on the cheek. Taking his hand. Eleanor was growing deeper in love with him, 

"If it were up to me, you wouldn't be in that dress for long,"

" Tommy, God's watching." she smiled. 

Standing before them were Vadoma and Johnny Dogs. Who was holding a ribbon,

 Placing both of their palms out, Vadoma took a knife cutting each as she dipped a slice of bread in both of their blood, 

"You two will both eat the bread and become one." without hesitation, they both ate the bread, joyous laughter escaping their lips, 

"John, the ribbon, please?" Vadoma asked as he nodded, "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Shelby," he smirked, 

"You two are now united by blood as one."Tommy kissed her, their foreheads resting against each other. Cheers and tears were heard through the crowd as Eleanor giggled, 

"We're married," 

"We're fucking married," he kissed her again

The Pearl

"You know I wouldn't think you'd want your reception at the club..."  Andre said, watching his sister drink, "We figured it was big enough for all of us. Tommy's getting rid of his house, and it's a beautiful place in any way," she shrugged, wearing a white gown fabric draping down her back.

 "Alright, who ordered the old fashion, an a bottle of Gin?" Trudy asked. Arthur came up to the bar taking the bottle from her, "Careful with that one. It's got a strong kick to it," he commented as she leaned closer towards him, "That makes two of us," the band playing slowly in the background, Arthur smirked, he hadn't had a woman who oozed sex appeal in awhile, yet also innocence, she was a nice mix of what he was missing in life, 

"You, me, the cellar?" 

"Are ya askin or commanding,"

"I'm fuckin tellin ya," 

"Yes, sir..." 

"I think we should head home," Claudette said, Serena on her shoulder, "What if we.. leave her with Ada and Virgina and have our own fun," Finn smirked, pulling her closer. Claudette could only laugh at her husband and his boy-like charm, "Finn..." she said, a bit flustered, "Yes, Mrs. Shelby," he kissed her lips as she kissed back," I guess we could start on that big family you want so bad," Claudette said as she then saw her sister-in-law, "So where are you two going to honeymoon to," Andre continued to ask, her eyes were on Tommy, something about him in the suit she had tailored for him with his glasses in his mouth was setting her ablaze. "Excuse me for a second," she ignored her brother. Tommy had been talking to a few guests, knowing that he only had a reception for the press and his so-called image,

 "Mr. Shelby, may I steal you for a while," she glanced over as she saw Diana and Mosley, the sight of them making her sick, "When I said to move up in the world, I didn't mean with the likes of -," 

"The renowned Jazz singer who has several charities?" she commented, looking them both up and down. Tommy looked down at the short frame of his wife as he held her near," Congratulations on your engagement. Now if you'll excuse us,"  Tommy began to walk away, the two scoffing at the newlywed couple, 

"The world will never accept you, Thomas,"

"They already don't," snapping her finger, Andre came running, signally for Lorcan to escort them out, 

"And where are you two going?"

"To get into some trouble," 

"I should have known," Bernadette smiled, kissing her son-in-law on the cheek, "Think you can keep shop while we're away for a bit? Tommy asked,

"This is my shop, sweetheart," smoking her cigarette as she looked at him, 

"Have you packed your bags?" 

"Yes, mother,"

"Fed the horses," 

"Yes, mother," 

"Said goodbye to everyone?"

"Yes, mother," 

"Have you had Vdoma check for rain?"

"Of course, " she lied, 

The Gray Camp

Sitting next to Thomas was Eleanor, the two venturing out to the great wilderness on his Caravan, no destination insight except for where fate was taking them. Resting her head on his shoulder, she took in his scent as she listened to the sounds around her, "Peaceful..." 

"Just us, no business," he kissed her forehead, "I'll teach ya how to hunt, and we'll live off what we can find an-" 

BOOM!

The strong sound of thunder shook the ground, and the two grabbed their guns, ready to shoot anyone coming for them. A drop of rain had hit Eleanor on the forehead, and suddenly she'd wished she had Vadoma check the weather. 

"It's not that ..." 

"Don't finish that sentence,"  the rain began to pour harder as she laughed, "It's not that bad. We'll set up camp here, under the stars, the moon is beautiful, and I get to be with you," she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "Alone..." she then kissed his nose, "In the rain," kissing his ear, "With my husband," Tommy pulled her in for a deep kiss, her hands resting on his chest, his around her waist, "Tommy..." she moaned out, his lips on her neck, her skin heating up by his touch, "Yes darlin?" his blue eyes looking up at her, glints of moonlight caught in them, "Why don't we move this to bed?" she rasped feeling him nibble at her neck, picking her Tommy carried her over the threshold of his Caravan. The two laughed at the irony of the traditional significance. Tommy then put her down as she pinned him against the wall, "We're doing this again, love?" he smirked as she winked, "Figured why not. It's been our thing since we first met," she leaned in, licking his bottom lip as he groaned, Tommy knew that he'd still be in charge, but for tonight Tommy would let his wife take the reigns, pulling her hair Tommy couldn't resist attacking her neck in kisses and hickey's after hearing her gasp, Eleanor was driving him insane by the noises she made, but Tommy didn't want to pounce just yet, after all, it was their wedding night, and it was meant to be a special one, pulling away, he spun her around, Eleanor now with her back towards the wall, and her arms dropping over Tommy's back, 

"Why don't you strip for me, aye," 

"Why don't you do it for me..." Eleanor whispered, biting at his earlobe as he nearly folded by the action. As Eleanor continued, Tommy finally found the zipper on her dress, watching the fabric fall off her body. He still was in disbelief that the woman before him was his wife, "What's wrong?"

"Admiring art," he stared his irises blown as he'd just seen a painting come to life. Sitting on the bed, Eleanor unclasped her bra, her legs crossed, dropping the garment, "Why don't you give your wife a show," she beckoned him over. Tommy laughed as she smiled that beautiful smile he'd hoped wouldn't tarnish anytime soon, "You want a show, I'll give ya one," unbuttoning his waistcoat as it joined the pile of clothes on the floor, Eleanor had her bottom lip between her teeth with just how slow he was going, she knew he was teasing her, but she was dying in agony waiting for him to strip. 

" You're cute when you're concentratin," Eleanor giggled, helping him with his pants, 

"Then I must be always cute to you," he winked as she shook her head rolling her eyes, "You're a fucking flirt, you know," Eleanor laughed, taking him by the arm as he loomed overtop of her, 

"How'd you know I  love fucking," He winked as she laughed hard, "Tommy, shut up and fuck me," kissing the tears welling in her eyes as she was still stuck on his horribly funny joke. This is what he wanted his married life to be like, laughter and a connection between two souls searching for so much more than just love, 

"Needy are we,"

"Have been since we met," she whispered, tracing the shape of his war tattoo on his chest. Tommy kissed down the middle of her breast, his hand massaging her perked nipple as his mouth focused on the other, swirling his tongue around the budded skin. He could hear her breath hitch, almost as if she were afraid to let out a moan. Switching to the other, Eleanor couldn't help but snake her hands in his hair, eyes fluttering at the ever-so-long sensation, 

"You alright up there."

"Mhmm," she nodded, "Don't stop," 

"Wasn't going to," trailing his hand further down to the hem of her underwear, another gasp as she groaned at his teasingly slow movements. Sliding his fingers between her folds, he noticed her body twitch and how soaking wet she was just from the little he had already done. Sliding off the garment, Eleanor felt the cool spring breeze hit her sensitive bud. Pumping his fingers slowly into her, he couldn't help but watch how her back arched or the curses leaving her lips, "Tommy ... faster," she whined, her voice breathy, "I thought I was in charge here," he commented picking up the pace of his fingering as she growled, a high pitched moan following suit, Tommy then leaned in close lapping at her glistening, wet slick, biting at her bud, her legs wrapped around his face tugging at his dark locks, "Don't waste any o- FUCK that's it!" her body shaking harshly her climax approaching faster than she'd thought it to be, Tommy didn't want to come up for air, but he didn't want her to cum just yet either, taking his finger he collected her arousal on his finger licking it clean off, 

"I want to taste me on your lips..."  she breathed hard, catching her breath as she brought him closer. The taste was sweet on her tongue. It was euphoric, but now it was her turn to taste him. Pulling away from the kiss, Tommy groaned until he saw his bride in front of him on her knees, 

"You sure about this, sweetheart,"

"I want to taste you, all of you,"  her hands on his thighs, those eyes he admired becoming more jaded with lust, "Then don't waste a single fucking drop..." Writhing in pleasure as her mouth was at the base of his cock, it was no surprise that Thomas Shelby was girthy and endowed with a nice size. It showed how he carried himself, "Right there, fuck..." his eyes closed, grunts and groans for his beautiful lover. Tommy was getting close, and she could feel it from how he'd been twitching, trying a trick of the tongue on him. He came oozing out like melted ice cream, "Did I waste anything?" she asked, her mouth open, "Not a single drop," kissing her forehead and then her lips. This was definitely something he could get used to, maybe even wake up to her pretty lip wrapped around his "You're thinkin about somethin, aren't cha?" her accent getting thicker,

 "No, I..." 

"Tommy, let your heart do the thinkin, relax..." coming behind him as she kissed his neck, his muscles no longer tense. She could see the stress piling up in his eyes, pushing him down. Eleanor straddled him, her hands on his shoulders. From the look she was giving him, Tommy knew what she was about to do next. Sinking down on his cock he noticed how her nose crinkled up, adjusting to the sting of the stretching, "Breathe through your nose," rubbing circles on her back, "I can take the pain," closing her eyes as she was down to the hilt of him, 

"I wouldn't have married ya if you coul- Eleanor Fuck!" he moaned, feeling the slight movement of her hips,

 "That's what I Ah! thought..." swaying her hips forward, picking up her pace, her heading falling back, she could feel his hand holding her steady, the sound of skin on skin and heaving breathing could be heard as the rain from the outside only poured down harder, 

"Right there! Don't st-aph!" fingers pulling his hair,

"You feel so fucking amazing,"  Tommy whispered in her ear, lost in his moans. Eleanor was gripping him as if she didn't want to let him go. Pulsating and twitching, Tommy poured into her until he was nearly spent, 

Laying there panting, Tommy turned to kiss his wife, sloppy and a bit lazy, grabbing her closer to him, limbs pressing together, "That ... may have been the best sex I ever had," Rolling over to his side of the bed, Eleanor only laughed pulling him back into the kiss tracing patterns in his skin, "There's a difference between sex and love," she corrected him feeling his lips trail up and down her skin, the moonlight shining through the window illuminating her skin cuddling close her head resting on his chest listening to his heartbeat, 

"Eleanor Vadoma Shelby, will you marry me..." 

"We're already married, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat," she giggled, hearing Tommy yawn. His eyelids were growing heavy, but he'd be damned if he was the first to fall asleep, 

" I think if we had a son, I'd want to name him Louis... or John after your brother." Tommy ran his fingers through her hair, the soothing rain relaxing him, "A son, aye?" he smiled, "Yes, a son, and he'd have your eyes. He'd be kind, a mean streak in him. I just know it," she laughed, Tommy liked the sound of that, 

"Darling, don't you think it's too soon. We did just-"

"It only takes one time, " cutting him off as he laughed, 

Christmas 1940-The Connolly Mansion

"Louis, why are you covered in mud," 

"John, have you got punch on your shirt already," 

"Where's Esmeralda..." 

"Charlie, have you seen Priscilla?"  Eleanor asked, "She's in the library," he said, watching Eleanor race up the steps, "Someone's in a hurry," Tommy said, his arms around his wife's waist, her red velvet dress pressed against his suit, stealing a kiss he bit her lip as she moaned, "We could sneak off you and me..." 

"That's how we got four children." she whispered, "Besides, it's Christmas, and we have guests an-"

CRASH!

"Serena did it!" was all Tommy and Eleanor heard, groaning, knowing whatever it was that was broken could be replaced, "Priscilla threw the ball! "

"Priscilla Bernadette Elizabeth Shelby!" Tommy calmly shouted, "Do we still have time to sneak off?" 

[marijkeoo]

my friend tried to kill herself and we crack jokes in the hospital room about the causes and effects and i love her but goddamn was it hard to stay awake i thought i was going to throw up after that spicy marg but i didnt and she kept drinking and now its all gone ive fallen off the horse but im still running beside it and i hope that i can get a second to breathe soon i couldnt recognize myself in the mirror on monday and i got up anyways and went to class i think i might have some kind of weird relationship with food but ive been eating scones with soft butter even though its so expensive and ive been healing i think my sister is still so incredibly stupid but at least i dont have to hear about it all the time and get unreasonably upset about the fact that we dont talk anymore and nothing ever changes but nothing stays the same my friend from back home is ghosting me even though we live a mere 10 minute bus ride away and it hurts i think even though i dont really think about her much my roommate is going back to toronto and might drop out but ive done it too and i think that everything will all work out itll all work out itll all work out itll all work out my parents are coming in two days and i wont tell them i want to sleep and im so aimless but i will say that i love the city and i love living here and im grateful every day for my life even if i wake up at 1pm after getting home at 6 and i miss my classes and its not even that i learn anything i just love a ritual and i was going to go get a job today but i think it has to wait another little bit and i have work to do but i think maybe its ok to eat some tinned fish and let my hair dry i never used to shower in the morning but now i dont always shower at night i want to be like the elif batuman character and go for runs and pretend everything is fine and study linguistics but then discover nothing can explain our little chatty quirks and give it up and study something so much better i.e. philosophy but i skipped the linguistics part and went straightt into this degree that i think i love but also i didnt really have a choice i need to pay for school next semester but i cant figure out how to believe that i can get money somehow i dont think ill ever be famous but maybe people can know me a little bit i have to be on the radio hosting a show soon but i cant force myself to want to actually forcing myself to do anything nowadays is so fucking hard but ive never had a mental illness and i think im too dutch to linger on myself too much i have this thing that i say all the time to my friends and i repeat it to myself it the mirror "you think too much about yourself" and i havent cried in six to eight months properly but i think i might pick it up as a hobby maybe i just need a hobby ive been reading a french translation of a milan kundaris book (rip king) and the woman roughly says "why do men never give what i give in return" and she says this to her partner and he wonders why she thinks this because its really fuckin stupid to him and he says "you know what i think about? war." and i thought that was really funny and i laughed out loud on the metro and the days are getting colder and the burning of limbs doesnt happen quite as bad and the burn is just skin or whatever and i type with these long red nails i stole from the drug store and im relearning how to speak and talk and interact with people even though i think im a linguistic terestrial bipedal animal and i saw a cool show on monday and only got five hours of sleep and i play euchre and sometimes i win and i just cant believe that she tried to kill herself but at least she came and woke me up if she died without letting me know i wouldve been really upset and i really dont tend towards emotion if you couldve heard the 911 call i made you would think that im a robot and my friend said i sounded like one in the hospital room last night i think that i need a little handycam and to get better and out of this rut im always in a rut it seems

also i just remebered that wherever you go you bring yourself with you and this is significant because i never feel at home anywhere i am i always feel alien im always an alien i need to become a professor at small liberal arts universities in rural canada and move every two years because i dont know how someone could stay where they are for longer than that i love this life that i have but i need to restart pretty regularly but im stuck here for at least two years then i move and go to winnipeg or saskatoon or calgary or up north maybe i go to yukon or iqualuit and i do a masters then i go to europe for a doctorate and come back parading around because i finally made my grandma happy and i send postcards and i tell my friends ill see them later because later is indefinite and saying see you in five years sounds gross and sad but later is always sometime sooner it feels and i want to be a ghost i need to be a ghost i want to wander into peoples lives and leave them but sometimes drop back in just to say hello over coffee and hour before i need to be at the airport my isolation feels key to my mission on earth and although i dont talk to God all the time i think i feel him residing in my soul and i know that my soul infuses everything i touch and if i ever get married it needs to be a tall protestant dutch man whos nice to me and likes to be around me and i dont know if ill ever find a man like that but desires not a crime my life is spinning out i need to smoke a dart but i dont want to spend money on cigs i have a matchbook i stole from a bar and i think we should bring back lighting belmonts with matches its so rare we get to hold fire in our hands the smoke pit is a gift if your a bullshitter like me i heard that run clubs are the new dating apps but i think that running with people usually sucks and having anyone i could potentially be interested in see me like that would give them the ick and i think its good to be alone, at least until summer when i can go sit on a patio and drink a light beer my friend showed me coffee tonics and i think i could die happy if i had one in my hand all the time and i have a pink moka pot and life always works out for me because every day on this earth is another day that i get to drink my coffee and eat tuna and see little dogs and sit in the library and sunbathe in the park and listen to amy winehouse and exist in a moment

[astros-turf]

I'm watching one piece. I'm on episode 512. Major spoilers for the marinefort arc so if you don't want that spoiled don't read.

I have made a literal blog post blogging about my feelings when it comes to one piece. If you wish to read an essay of how emotional I get about one piece and how much it makes me cry written by a tired, high, queer guy... Then this is the post for you.

Okay. I have been incredibly emotional watching this show. It has the perfect ebb and flow with the major arcs. They build stories up so well. I could talk about this for hours. I sobbed watching the enies lobby arc. I think about Robins I WANT TO LIVE! Fucking constantly. At least once a day. I kinda want it tattooed but I don't know if I want the manga panel or just the words. And then also maybe that's a weird thing to tattoo. Anyway. She's my absolute favourite anime "girl" (quotes cuz she's a woman and it feels weird calling her a girl but this feels fedora-y i hate this). Robins just so cool and I wanna sit and hear about the lands history from her and I want her to tell me about all the theories that the archeology world has going.

But anyway I've been watching this marinefort arc and I had spoiled Aces death ahead of time for myself. So I was really struggling because I was really anxious to see it? Not because I was particularly attached to Ace, but because I'm very protective of Luffy and that's his brother so of course I care like he's my own brother. (I feel like I'm not making sense, I am high and also I have adhd lol)

But I didn't cry for Ace's death somehow. I think I was just so... Not shocked but like stunned? And also so angry that they worked so hard to get to him and Ace just had to stand his ground and I can even respect that but then the double whammy of he ultimately died to protect Luffy. And I just couldn't process that at the time. So I didn't cry. But the whole mini arc after that, the kid one? I was crying left and right at every single thing ace said. I wanted to punch Garp cuz he's an idiot. I wanted to punch Garp more for punching literal children. But mostly I cried because you learn about ace standing up to danger even when that's not the best option and you find out Roger did that too. And it turns out that ace has done it before, also to protect Luffy. Like bro Luffy is Ace's world man, like that's his baby brother and Ace is the fuckin best big bro ever. Made me miss being a kid with my brother when we used to wrestle and roughhouse all the time and have play fights and stuff. My brother is 10 years older than me, so it wasn't much of a fight ever but I remember having a blast. We don't talk anymore and that really sucks, but shit happened and I don't think the relationship will be quite the same unless he gets some therapy or a divorce or both. Anyway. Maybe that's why Ace's death is hitting me so weird, it's like too relatable?

Anyway. I've been off and on crying because of all the crew members finding out about the war and immediately trying to get the fuck to sabaody even if it kills em and I just was like oh my god everyone cares so much. Oh my god and when Jinbe was tryna get Luffy to snap out of it so he'd stop hurting himself and he was like don't you have something worth living for?? And Luffy is remembering his crew one by one I was like "Your crew! 😭" "I've missed our crew too! 😭😭" Bro I really wanna be a pirate on luffys ship. I have no idea what I'd do, I'm not superhuman smart or strong or have some sort of gimmick... None of my SpIns are useful in battle or could be adapted to be useful in battle lol. I'd have to eat a devil fruit for sure cuz there's no way I'd accidentally stumbled ass backwards into haki how I am now. Anyway. Crying.

The whole reason I made this post. I thought I was good. I thought surely, this is gonna be a time when I don't cry. They're finally telling us the full meaning behind what luffys message was and giving us a better look at the photo of Luffy. Cool. Ooo, crocodile. Oh shit? The new gay lovers are going to the new world? With what crew?

Awwww oh my goodness. Everyones home towns... Oh my god Dadan! DADAN. "REST IN PEACE YOU BRAT!" had me HICCUP CRYING. IT STARTED WITH A HICCUP TOO. I had to pause and do a reality check when you're like too deep in the media ya know? Cuz I was like holy fuckin shit get ahold of yourself man. And then I realized that this show feels like free therapy with how much I fuckin cry. And then I was like I gotta ramble about this so here we are.