#help me I'm still waking up
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This is what happens when you put out your damned decorations too early!! HALLOWEEN HASN'T PASSED YET, FOOLS!!
#help me I'm still waking up#i choked on my energy drink#my aunt sent me this 💀#escapetheslaughter#bloodmoon au#tw slightly suggestive#?????
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the crane wives are once again inspiring me. higher ground is SO mudpawcoded
#rye.txt#'the corvids are calling // warning a forest of predators approaching // am i in danger or am i the threat?'#<- DUDE.#the uncertainty of the future. the fear of change. hiding truth. it's like it was made in a lab for him#mudpaw#also! still taking time away from online stuff/content creation#but I'm feeling better these days#my grandma's memorial service is gonna be next week#hoping that will help with closure and everything#i still find myself doing things for her#like thinking 'oh someone needs to stay home to watch over her' or 'better stay quiet to not wake her up' that sort of thing#and then I remember and it hits me all over again#but I'm doing better :)#thank you guys for all the well wishes
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just woke up from a baby dream and I'm a sobbing wreck :) anyway Logan Huntzberger doesn't expect much from his future besides monetary success, partying, and a lot lot lot of sex. he definitley doesn't expect to look up one day and realize he's sharing a home, a life with someone. not only that, but he's the one that instigated it. he told you in college he didn't like you being around other guys. he stopped caring about the girls that he would go between, because now he just seems to care about you. everything else falls to the sidelines. so he comes back to his big fancy house after an important business meeting on the golf course, and he sees you there. some old sitcom is marathoning on tv, and you're wrapped up in fluffy blankets, hair up and out of your face. you look so cozy, so comfortable. you keep adjusting the blankets, fussing with them as you hum softly. he walks closer, overcome with a feeling of love and swelling pride and... paternal instinct he's never felt. your son Henry, just a month or two old is bundled on your arms. you look up at Logan and smile so warmly he could cry just from the look on your face when you see him.
"hi," you breathe softly. Henry's settled down, so you don't want to rile him up too much, but he's not all the way asleep.
"hey ace," he breaths, sitting next to you. he wraps you in his arms and kisses you, meeting forgotten as you both admire you baby boy together. you rub his tummy gently, soothingly, and Logan smooths his hair. it's short and fuzzy, and a little prickly. it makes him laugh softly. Henry is wearing the white and blue onesie Honor got for him at the baby shower. he makes a mental note to take some pictures to send her of him wearing it. the soft fabric of his polo shirt and the smell of his cologne mixed with the distinct remnants of golf course air is so comforting. he watches you admire your son, trace the shape of his cute little nose, copy the faces he makes, babble little noises at him. he watches you smooth his hair and help him get comfortable in your arms, watches you place your finger in his hand so he can hold onto it with that surprisingly strong baby death grip. Henry wiggles around, getting comfortable in your arms, and you kiss his forehead again. once you're sure that he's settled, not too warm and not too cold, comfortable and lying safely, you can finally relax. you rest your head on Logan's shoulder, closing your eyes and finally letting yourself relax and rest a little. you take in a big deep breath of his masculine scent, somehow both spicy and refreshing, and sigh. you're content. you're more than content, he realizes. you're happy. Logan... made you happy. he found out what you wanted and built you a life you want, a life he wants. it hits him like a ton of bricks in one overwhelming, amazing moment, and he soaks in the feeling, watching the way your sleeping babys face and yours mirror each other.
#drabbles#logan huntzberger#logan huntzberger x reader#logan huntzberger drabbles#dilf!logan#dilf logan#gilmore girls#gilmore girls x reader#gilmore girls drabbles#domestic bliss#tooth rotting fluff#god help me#henry was his actual name in the dream#i kept waking up in the dream every time he moved or started to fuss#the plot of the rest of the dream was gone once I realized I had a baby#like it was still happening but I didn't care#it hit me so hard#i was like this is real. i actually did it. i have a baby.#his nose and his eyes and his little hands were so real. i could feel him grabbing my hand#i could FEEL the soft felty texture of his onesie#now i'm crying again! hooray!#well either I'll meet the love of my life soon or hunt down some sperm or something cause my baby fever is truely unbearable#i call it baby fever but i think it's just a deep overwhelming desire to be a good parent like how my mom is yk#also i just. want a baby. like... that's allowed#people are allowed to want to have babies#anyway#yeah#i guess i have to distract myself now because i'm gonna be fucked up for the rest of the week! huzzah!#i found pictures on pinterest that look just like him#how do you handle this?????? anyone got any tips for being debilitatingly single and coping with baby dreams???????????
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idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think
#u know sometimes you'll experience something bad in the moment and look back later like lol that was fine actually!#not july :) she was actually really bad :)#tmi but if u wanna know why i was gone lol#my partner of 6 years cheated on me in early may. on her birthday. at her party that i planned. with her coworker. and i saw it#on top of just being like. completely devastated? i was just so embarrassed? i hardly told anyone because it made me feel like#just SO worthless. and then i was embarrassed about feeling worthless and it was a whole thing#anyway they started dating in july and it was really tough for me#it was like every day i'd wake up and have to like grieve? and come to terms with reality? and accept that a lot of my future plans#were no longer going to happen - at least with her :/ it's a really tough thing to grapple with#esp since it felt like she wasn't nearly as sad as i was - which unfortunately makes sense but still sucks#ANYWAY im doing a lot better now lol i started telling people in my life and letting them be there for me and it's helped so much#it's still hard sometimes but i know now that i'm gonna be fine eventually#this is so dumb to post on my sims blog but it feels good to get it off my chest so SUE ME I GUESS
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Usually I just save stuff like this to my drafts until I calm down but you know what, fuck it, I'm done.
Any so-called leftist who refuses to recognize that our options right now are "genocide abroad, progress at home" and "genocide abroad AND genocide at home" and that there is a significant difference between those two options is cordially invited to eat shit and die. We do not have time to entertain your anti-voting hopeless nonsense. A future in which we are able to move towards less death will always be preferable to the one in which we can't, and if you smug, sneering little clowns sacrifice that future on the altar of your own self-righteousness because you're too high on your own farts to realize how far up your own ass you are, I genuinely hope you fucking drown. Specifically, I hope you drown in the blood of the people who will die all over the world as a result of your bizarre refusal to work towards a future that doesn't include ethnic cleansing.
This is the United States. We sell war, here. I don't know how so many of you are only just now figuring that out, but you better get over your shock like yesterday because we are out of fucking time. We ran out of time when Reagan took office if not long before. You think not voting will improve any of this?
Keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming. Governments everywhere are (slowly) beginning to listen. Democrats are (slowly) beginning to listen. But Republicans never will, and if they seize power again next year (which they will absolutely do their damned to attempt), everything will be so, so much worse for everyone, everywhere. The work is slow and painful and imperfect but it will only get done if we show up and do the work, so keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming-- and when the time comes, you show up and vote for the future that lets us build a better tomorrow instead of just choking to death in the steaming shitpile of today.
#''i can't have No Genocide tomorrow!!! so i don't want No Genocide at all!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH'' that's you. that's how you sound#''if i can't have perfect then don't even fucking bother with better!! just give me worse instead!!'' are you for fucking real#you don't care about Palestine you don't care about anything other than being able to go ''Well. at least I didn't choose this.''#not choosing is still a choice! you stupid motherfucker!#choosing to stand at the lever and do nothing and watch the trolley crush five people is still a choice!!#how DARE you act like that blood is not on your hands!#again: THIS IS THE UNITED STATES. WE SELL WAR HERE.#not voting for Biden is not going to help Palestine!#in fact it will absolutely measurably make the situation WORSE!#for them AND everyone else!#this is the reality we are working with and if you want it to change then you HAVE to play the long game!#leftists heard ''don't let perfect be the enemy of good'' and went ''WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE PERFECT??! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA''#and i have fucking had it!#all i can do is try to keep working towards a day when the current left is the farthest right we have#but we are never gonna get there if y'all don't wake the fuck up and get moving#us politics#vent post#so help me god if this turns into a game of Spot the Tankie in the notes i'm gonna start knifing people
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When you really think about it, some of these new shounen shows like JJK, BNHA and Demon Slayer are lowkey as bad as older shoenen shows when it comes to how they treat their female characters.
The only difference is that new shounen learned this neat trick where they will allow their female characters to have one epic moment in a side-fight that can easily be removed without effecting the plot too much and somehow that’s enough to gaslight people to think that they’re watching peak feminism.
#did any female character do anything relevant to the plot in JJK?#the only thing I can think of is Nobara helping Itadori in that one fight#but he's the main character so even if she wasn't there I'm sure he would have still won somehow#Demon Slayer has invented the concept of infantilization when it comes to Nezuko#and boy is infantilization the right word because they literally treat her like an infant#and every other female character are either nurses who tend to the male characters or had romance teased with the MC#oh and those 3 wives that need to be rescued......I think one of them helped a little#and BNHA? Where can I begin...#wake me up when the female lead does or say anything that isn't related to the male lead#btw I actually I really love all of these 3 shows but come on a spade is a spade
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would you let yves show you unimaginable horrors that will melt you into a puddle of aether soup, y/n? 🥺👉👈
#very low effort screenies at almost midnight but i'm in the middle of playing dress up with yves#who wants a half-baked lore dump because imma do it anyway#i know i said i wanted to make him a goth healer but i'm leaning towards cybergoth#i'm readjusting his lore and i see this as his outfit once kirke finds him + takes him in as her personal guinea pig#me waking up in a cold sweat: straps. i need straps#the mask helps him breathe in aether from the atmosphere courtesy of kirke#he can't talk either so he either communicates through sign language and/or vocalizations à la cat and bird noises#he's still freaky as hell and he makes people nervous because he's 7ft tall + can make people explode by touching them#he looks harmless otherwise as long as he's around flowers to pluck#mygposes.#ffxivsnaps#gposers#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv oc#hyur
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oof. it's been a long time since i felt this depressed this many days in a row.
#since i've gotten so much healthier i'm much better at coping on days when i wake up feeling bad#and usually am good at being gentle with myself#like it's perfectly fine to take a day to rot if you need one sometimes#but since my kitty cat passed...#the initial shock has worn off i think#and now i'm just... fucking depressed#she helped me regulate so much...#and i'm trying to stay calm but if you've been in a similar situation#you understand the urge to panic when you regress a little. idk#i just feel like absolute shit. irritable and touchy and sad and empty#i finally forced myself to shower yesterday which was good progress#but i still feel so fucked up#i cant believe this used to just be my life tbh 💀 damn#lush.talk
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I think a lot of people don't support punitive justice on a governmental level (good), but they don't understand why punitive justice is overarchingly a bad thing, so they still operate with the idea that it's still the Best Option, but only when they can wield it.
Of course, there is a difference between a government having access to punitive justice and individuals or a small community having access to it, but the mindset is still strikingly similar. I've seen it time and time again where one's desire to destroy after even a small slight outweighs anything else, and that's alarming, actually. Yes, it's understandable, but I still don't think it is a healthy impulse or knee-jerk reaction for every minor affront.
#politics#i'm sure i talked about this before but it still strikes me as important#how exactly will everybody be helped by using the absolute extremes of 'justice'?#and because people only know punitive extreme forms of 'justice' that seems to be the only frame of reference they have...#...so when somebody proposes other methods of justice it is seen not unlike abuse or assault apologia or something extreme...#...because the nuance isn't there to recognize levels of severity in an action where punitive justice isn't going to work#and i'd argue that people are generally more invested in the perpetrator/s of abuse rather than the victims/survivors left in their wake#so people frame the discussion as Protecting Victims as a Class but really#ARE you helping us? and if so - what are you doing beyond going After Our Abuser/s?#people think it helps us to Go After The Abuser/s. much less do they think about *us* as people and what we need i think.#maybe its selfish of me but i know my abuser will never face any repercussions beyond people judging them slightly for what they did to me..#...so me personally i would rather people take their fury with my abuser (in my real life) and maybe invest it in myself and others...#...maybe hell will be waiting with open arms for them when they die. but i'm still going through hell because of them so i feel it's even#maybe i've just ~given up~ but i want to help people rather than immediately going After People#not everything CAN be solved with an eye for an eye. not everything SHOULD.
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The tragedy of having my hands full of work until at least next week and suddenly remembering how much I love and miss Lies of P while living my Geats fever because I need stalker!Riders injected on my veins to keep living
#will tag them to manifest to the universe my need of while my hands are too busy — dont mind me#lies of p#kamen rider geats#i already talked about this once on twitter but i was born with a severe case of bRAZILLIAN#just like d2 fed a lot of my aus now lop is my mental playground#im still weak to the steampunk victorian dystopic puppetto made with souls worldbuilding#and i'm just scratching the surface here bc the wake-up call was stalkers with animal masks#like we already have fox and cat volfe siblings you'll always be famous#so technically i would change them to fit geats and na-go - prob make one white and the other yellow instead of red and black#but also wHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DONT HAVE A BULL STALKER— 'its a buffalo'#AND NOT A RACCOON— 'tanukis are not raccoons'#for real tho mad donkey is this *okay emote* close from buffa#and going one floor deeper ergo / giragira hello jyamato and puppets manifesting memories of the dead hELLO#another floor deeper and a godly figure turned into tree/stone //drums#i'm not even mentioning 'idealized child created post-mortem' bc since pinocchio this is a staple but hEY#prob here just like my d2/lop au i would subvert sophia's role bc casuals would think of tsumuri which /fits/ but so would ace#'polux why do you create so much aus if you barely do anything with them' BECAUSE ITS A CURSE ITS MY FATE I'M DOOMED TO AU#technically they help me have inspos for my own original ideas but while i have my own jobs i can't really work on them so i stick to aus
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The mere fact that me waking up tomorrow to possibly getting new Q content is the only thing that's keeping me from leaving Dislyte is INSANE I wish Lilith Games realize that if they gave more care in fleshing out their characters, people wouldn't drop this game so fast like how the JP playerbase is starting to lose interest cause most of the characters are half-baked.
#jee rambles#dislyte#like I really do like Q and he's the sole reason I'm still drawing for this game#also I need to help Murky with archiving game stuff so there's also another reason#but MAAAAAAAAAAN it's not the same anymore#last year I used to be super excited for every new game patch#now I just wake up tending to my pastel baby man#kinda sad tbh cause this game allowed me to meet super cool people
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Just a bit indulgent, no harm in it, surely (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#DAX#A bit of scene a bit of speculation silliness and another song! Yay! :D#Gods their casual possessiveness of each other Straight Up Kills Me <3 <3#And ZEX doesn't even just stop at ''his [title]'' he goes for DAX's name too I'm so dead about it ♥#Holding hands agh they're so cute <3 Reassurance and comfort!#Hehehe I love ZEX just being all ??? about DAX being in Dexter's body - feels weird to be shorter!#Just wait til you find out about these bodies' ages ZEX! Hehehe#ZEX's type strikes again - okay but like?? Max /is/ in there somewhere this is established so is it similarities to Dex?? Is that anything??#Granted ZEX tends to go even further than that haha but still! Curious :3#Takes the credit for DAX's body despite already having met Dexter lol yes definitely the case Admiral haha#I fell so hard back into Strawberry Blond agh#I blame the Moomins animatic it's too good I can't help it#Literally just the inverse of Max waking up to look at Dexter - DAX looking at ZEX like he's everything <3#Wants him so badly! Wants him happy and whole and lovely ♥#This song could definitely also apply to Dex about Max and into the original meaning of the lyrics in their case - at least partially#Their lives and positions and what it would be mean to be together agh#They're too lovely you know
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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okay alright alrght alright
#guys im really tired. we're so tired. we really gotta sleep soon.#We can't. We have emails to send. We. We have to call the help desk. And a zoom call.#you dont sound enthusiastic about it#I'm. Not but it has to be done.#hate to burst your bubblle but we're absolutely not doing so hot. as in weve nearly fallen asleep threetimes whiile typing this ok thats 4.#the body is damn nearcollapsing. i think youre kicking up the fear rsponse. jesus thats 5.#but they're not going to respond if we wake up at midnight. please wake up we have to we have to. deadsprint. Deadsprint.#haugghhHHH OKAY YEAH YUP I GOT IT. WAKE UP!! AS MUCH AS I WANNA GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE I GUESS WE GOTTA DO THIS!!#AWAKE! AWAKE!!!! [BANGS MY STUPID POTS AND PANS TOGETHER]#Okay. Thank you. Maestro?#Mmn alright. 1) Send a new email. We didn't contact the correct person and we have to compose a new one.#Technically not necessary if we 2) schedule a advisory session or join the help zoom room. But we need the registration code.#3) Phone call. Contact the IT department so we can get a school ID because as it stands we are still not even allowed in the school.#optional 4) Work on the project and 5) Try to maintain our leaderboard position in our rhythm game.#No time to be tired. No time to be scared. I know I know. But this has to be done or it'll only get worse. I'll do it I'll take care of it.#But I need you all to cooperate with me please.#🌐#Maestro please do the rest later.#[three of swords]
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a shot of whiskey at night has been doing wonders for my nerves. not to sound like I got my prescription from a cowboy-doctor or something, but it's near instant relief
#[static]#my ocd has been worse than it has been in months and it makes me feel feral-animal levels of anxious#as a general rule I never drink; never much liked the taste of it#the anxiety has been so bad that I've been trying all sorts of remedies on top of the healthy coping tools I have in my pocket#I'm not currently insured so I can't go to my normal doctor and ask for anxiety medication#but the moment I get insurance again in June ... you can bet I'll be making some phone calls#I just need to be conked over the head and put to sleep for a month maybe that'll help#I turned to trying whiskey as a last ditch effort and I'm grateful its helped ... settles my nerves enough where I can actually sleep#and not wake up still in a state of deep stress and anxiety#do not take this as medical advice if you're experiencing anxiety/ocd#i know my limits very well and am highly aware of the downward slope that self-medicating can lead to#*gestures to my entire family* I've learned from their history and have always been hyper aware of vices/crutches#but when a man can't sleep nor think except for the constant spiral of anxiety sometimes you have to find temporary aid
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This week has been so long and hard. I knew what I signed up for at my new job, I just don't remember being so tired all the time from it.
#rant#personal#my sleep schedule is off too since I'm used to a 720 start time but now I start at 930 and I still wake up at like 630 every day#I just need to adjust my sleep by like 2 hours so I'm not nodding off so early#but I also blame how exhausting this new position is and that I'm going to school 2 times a week till 9ish right after work#even at my old job I would stay up late since I like to so I thought it would be a better time for me but so far it hasn't but hopefully#it will be in the future#Its not like I havent encountered the behaviors and stuff before its just very intense with a child I'm with so much and how many times#I've had to remove them from situations since they started to get violent (multiple times a day)#good thing the kid likes me and he's talking to me Ive had so many convos with social workers phycologists the partents teachers but still#anyway if I feel like this still by December I might have to find a different job while I go to school#its not like the school I work for isn't helping me its more that its a hard job and I'm tired
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