#hello is this thing on can anyone hear me

[ihaznoclue]

Hello there friend I am back (The one who did the mirio tying a balloon to readers back) which I loved!

I am here to request something for the sonic 3 movie as I saw it and I am obsessed

Can I get Sonic, Shadow and Knuckles (Shadow can be on sonics teams if that makes sense)

Maybe that you and him are relaxing after a well earned day, maybe relaxing on the couch and you wanted to give him a reward for saving the day once again

So you decided to give him some head pats to which causes him to purr and then fall asleep

I actually searched up that hedgehog and echidna's can purr which I didn't know but now I do!

Pairings -> Sonic, Shadow and Knuckles x Reader

Warnings -> None

Note -> They deserve a well deserved rest and some head pats | This can be after sonic 3

Genre -> Fluff

Sonic the Hedgehog

It all started with a chill morning, nothing to crazy as you watched form afar while Sonic, Knuckles, Tails and Shadow have a little race between the four of them

Tom and Maddie were simply in the house doing their own things before the others decided to come back inside. You on the other hand didn't mind this at all, looking after the four of them with Tom and Maddie, well duh because you lived with them

Your favourite was sonic, you loved his personality, he was prideful, cheerful, most energetic and cocky hedgehog you've met before you met the others.

Sonic loved to hang out with you, he loved your presence and comfort you brought that keeps him positivity and comfort he liked you

After a day of racing and then suddenly being called out to help defeat someone and than other hero stuff that he needed to do

He just wanted to rest, you decided to watch a movie with him on the couch, Ozzie being next to sonic as he was in the middle

You had a arm resting on the top of the couch behind sonic's head, the brightness of the TV slightly blinding you

You looked down at sonic as he was quite interested in this movie as Ozzie started to walk out of the room to somewhere else

You smiled as you reached your arm that resting on the couch down his head as you started to give him pats and some head scratches behind his ears, trying to be careful of his blue quills

His ear perked a little as looked up at him confused on what you were doing

"What are you doing?" He asked, you chuckled at him as you responded "I'm giving you head pats.. do you want me to stop?" You said as you stop with the head scratches behind the ears

"No, it feels nice actually don't stop" He said as he reached his head up to your hand, which you slightly giggled as you went back to giving him affection

Going back to looking at the TV for a few seconds you started to hear purring, the only other person well hedgehog who was in the same room as you was sonic

You looked down at sonic to notice he was asleep, leaning his head onto your side as he had a smile as you he purred away

A little bit of thumping was also heard by his tail that was slightly wagging onto the couch below

You couldn't resist to carefully get out your phone to take a little photo of this moment

It was to cute!

Shadow the Hedgehog

He hadn't received affection form anyone beside Maria before you know.. Died..

He was cold and mysterious as he only got closer to you as he started to live with the others as he had nowhere else to go, Tom and Maddie knew you were the right option to look after Shadow as they look after the others

Shadow never really talk that much to the others but he seemed to give a liking towards you as he gave you some words out of his mouth

Shadow was powerful and fast, but he was cool looking to you as you felt like you needed to give him some affection and comfort of your own

You wanted to give him as much comfort and love as you knew how much he has suffered and being locked up for 50 years in that God awful tube

Now Shadow came back from a little mission of his own as he teleported by using his chaos control back to the house, slightly scaring you as you were seated on the couch relaxing

"Hmph scaredy cat" He smirked a little as you gave him a little pout "Well you did just appear out of the blue without any warning" You spoke back causing Shadow to look at you with curiosity

"What are you doing?" He asked, you looked at him confused as you looked at what you were doing yourself

"Um.. Relaxing?" You said like a question

Shadow raised an eyebrow as you now thought of an idea, patting the couch beside you "Sit, Relax with me Shadow"

He didn't fight it as he sat next to you with arms cross across his chest fur, he didn't think as he just look straight ahead at the TV that was playing in front of him

"You know, you can release your tension, don't have to act tense in front of me" You spoke but got a gruff in response

So you decided to try something to help him as you reached out a hand to started giving him head scratches which caused him to flinch back

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking a little bit grumpy at you

"Trying to help you relax, trust me it would work. You've been working so hard and I want to help you" You replied as you stilled your head in front of him

He looked at your head and back at you, seeming to think about it as he reached his head to your hand as his ear flattened

You smiled as you started to work through his quill being gently, scratching behind his ears as well which seemed to have a effect on him as he started to purr a little

His head seeming to move a little bit more closer than he was before, which you slightly chuckled a little as you looked back at the tv

Now it's been a couple of minutes, "Shad-ow.." You looked back down at Shadow to only see his peaceful restful face

You gave a little smile as you whispered

"Sleep well Shads"

Knuckles the Echidna

Again hasn't received much affection since he lost his tribe and father the ones he cared for but lost at a very young age

I believe that he would forget the warm touch of comfort that someone gives him, or he would be a little bit worried if he would accidentally hurt them by his strength

But that's when you came around, sweet and kind with a quiet but comforting presence that would make him feel at ease just by you being there with him

After being out for nearly the whole day because of villains and guarding and other stuff that you never know what this echidna does

He finally gets home but.. something wasn't right

He looked furious as if someone pissed him off, which was most likely out of the other possible chances that could of happened

He was also dirty with dirt and grub on his fur and stuck in his quills, dirt smudged on his muzzle cheek

You just stood there trying to not laugh as you covered your mouth with a hand, Knuckles closing his eyes for a second then re-opening them

"What happened?" You asked

"I would not like to talk about it" Knuckles said in a grumbled tone like he was about to punch something or someone

You cleared your throat as you asked him if he wanted a bath to clean himself off

Knuckles just simply followed you the bathroom, you turning on the tap as water ran down into the bathtub

You sat on the edge of the bathtub as you didn't want to question much on what happened to knuckles as he took off his gloves and his shoes

"Want bubbles?" You asked as you took a bottle of bath bubble, lavender scent

"What is bubbles?" He asked which to you excitedly took the cap off and started to pour in the bubbles as you started to swirl the water around causing Knuckles to become interested

After cleaning him off gently and dried him you two were sloughing on the couch watching some TV as you two relaxed

Knuckles needed this and you knew it

Reaching a hand down to gently pet his head caused him to look up at you as he questioned what you were doing

"What are you doing with your hand?"

"Petting you" You paused your hand "I could stop if you like-" You spoke as you pulled back your hand only for it to be grabbed by Knuckles hand

You thought he would crush your hand but he was gentle with grabbing your hand, he pulled your hand back to his head as he looked away

"Do It again" He spoke in a quiet tone, you gave out a little smirk as you continued on what you were doing

After a few minutes of doing what you were doing you hearing thumping, looking down to see that Knuckles fell asleep while his Tail was wagging against the couch

This causes you to snort a little at the adorable moment

Continuing with petting his head as you went back to watching the TV until you fell asleep yourself

-A<3

[2amriize]

.ᐟ RIIZE scenario : drunk calling ex!riize ༉‧₊˚.

req: hello sorry for another rq but what about ex!riize and you're drunk call him.. can i be 🪐 anon too pls

note: sure! thank you for your request ♥

pairing: ex!riize x reader— masterlist

⭑.ᐟ shotaro

“y/n? Why are you calling me?”

“I just… I saw this otter plushie on my way home, and it reminded me so much of you.”

After dinner with your friends, you drank a bit too much, and seeing that plushie made you think of your ex, Shotaro. You couldn’t help but call him, missing him deeply. Though you had separated due to the distance, both of you still harbored feelings for each other. Surprised by your call, he answered immediately, letting out a small laugh when he realized you were drunk.

“Are you walking home alone? Don’t hang up, I’ll talk to you until you get there… So, tell me, what was the otter like?”

⭑.ᐟ eunseok

“Why are you calling me now, y/n?”

“Do you ever think about me, Eunseok?”

Eunseok didn’t expect your call late at night, much less for your first words in months to be that. He stayed silent for a few moments before letting out a sigh.

“Have you been drinking, y/n?”

“Just… answer my question…” From the tone of your voice, he knew you were drunk.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, y/n. We’re not talking about this if you won’t even remember it when you wake up.”

⭑.ᐟ sungchan

“Huh? Sungchan? Why did you call me?”

“You’re the one who called me, yn…”

After your office dinner, you had a little too much to drink and accidentally called Sungchan. When he answered and heard your voice, he couldn’t help but laugh at how confused you sounded.

“It was me…? Sorry, I meant to call a taxi…” you said, about to hang up before he spoke again.

“Where are you, y/n? Have you been drinking?”

Even though it had been months since you broke up, Sungchan still cared for you deeply. He decided to stay on the phone to make sure you got home safely.

⭑.ᐟ wonbin

“Mgh…?”

Wonbin was already asleep when you called, his voice groggy as he answered. You had just gotten home from a party, but for some reason, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. Memories of all the sweet moments you shared flooded your mind.

“I miss coming home and sleeping next to you…”

“Huh, y/n? Why are you calling so late?”

“I miss you, Wonbin… Don’t you miss me? Don’t you miss anything about me?”

“Ah… you’re drunk, aren’t you? I do miss you, y/n, but… this isn’t the time to talk about it.”

⭑.ᐟ seunghan

“y/n? Is something wrong?”

After drinking with your friends at a bar, memories of how things ended with Seunghan overwhelmed you. You hadn’t been able to say a proper goodbye, and it still haunted you. Seeing your call, he answered, concerned, it wasn’t like you to call so late. But hearing your voice, he quickly realized what was going on.

“I’m so sorry, Seunghan… I’m sorry for leaving like that, for how I treated you, and… I hope someday you can forgive me, you know? I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or what, but I miss you so much right now…”

“You don’t need to apologize, y/n… Are you okay? Are you with anyone? I can come pick you up…”

⭑.ᐟ sohee

“Do you know how much I sacrificed for you? And you haven’t even apologized yet…”

The last thing Sohee expected that day was a call from you, let alone a drunken, angry one. Although he didn’t like the way you were speaking to him, he also didn’t want to argue with you in that state.

“I’m not going to talk to you about this right now, y/n. I already explained why we broke up… Are you home? Please go to bed. If you want, I’ll call you tomorrow, but don’t do this now.”

⭑.ᐟ anton

“y/n, what…?”

“Anton? I didn’t know who else to call… I’ve been drinking, and I started feeling sick on my way home… I think I’m near your place, but I don’t know…”

You thought you could get home without a taxi after a party, but you started feeling dizzy and lost along the way. Even though Anton was your ex, you knew he’d always answer, so you called him for help. Hearing your voice, Anton immediately grew nervous, worrying about you and getting ready to find you. He didn’t hold any grudges against you, if anything, he still hadn’t completely gotten over you. Without hesitation, he went out to help.

masterlist // taglist: @regularsuh @gacktsa @totheseok @kkumistars @taroddori @enhacolor @ladylilith @electric-hearts @astrobymarwa @layluv123 @sunflowers1610 @nctrawberries @synkjellies @ramyeonzprincess @yuzuksi

[mywitchyblog]

hello! I really love your content, and I’ve been following you for quite some time. i think your opinions on various topics are very thoughtful and accurate, so i have a question.

i’ve been noticing a subject (particularly on shiftok😭) where many people express their dislike of others scripting traumatic events into their realities, included to create a more intense backstory for them. for example, scripting that they lost a parent when they were younger or went through psychotic depression as a child.

i’d like to hear your opinion on this. do you think it’s okay to script some kind of trauma or disorder? personally, I don’t see an issue with it since it doesn’t affect my life or anyone else’s, but i’d love to hear your perspective on this topic!

Oh, honey, you just brought up one of my favorite rant-worthy topics. Grab a snack because we’re diving in! 🍵✨

My ✨Personal✨ Take:

First, thank you for the love, darling! It’s always a vibe connecting with someone who actually gets it. 💅 Now, let’s talk trauma scripting, because whew, the discourse around this is hotter than Satan’s sauna.

Here’s the thing: your DR is YOURS. Period. Full stop. You can script a Disney princess life or the tragic backstory of a brooding anti-hero—it’s entirely up to you. If you want to script a life-altering trauma, go off, babe. As long as you understand what you’re doing, it’s valid.

Let’s debunk the idea that “scripting trauma is bad”: In your DR, you’re living that experience. It’s not just words on paper; it becomes your reality. So if scripting something intense—like losing a parent or battling a mental health condition—helps you process, heal, or simply add depth to your DR self, that’s your business. Trauma, when scripted thoughtfully, can even be therapeutic. For some, it’s about reclaiming control over a narrative that felt chaotic or unresolved in their CR.

But let’s be clear: this isn’t playtime. You will feel what you script. The loss, the grief, the psychotic depression? It will be as real in your DR as it is for someone who’s endured it in their CR. So, if you’re scripting trauma for kicks or because you think it’s “dramatic,” you might want to take a hard look at your intentions.

The Fanfic Shifters Rant (Aka I Hate These Hoes):

Now let me pop off on these Shiftok clowns for a second. 😤 You know exactly the ones I’m talking about: the “everything’s just a quirky little fanfic” crew who waltz into shifting spaces treating their DRs like a bad Wattpad draft.

These hoes (yes, HOES) script trauma the way they’d order a pumpkin spice latte—casually, without thinking. “Oh, I’ll just throw in some childhood abandonment and sprinkle in an abusive relationship for ✨character development✨.” Like, are you dumb? Trauma isn’t a fucking aesthetic. It’s not “flavor” for your DR backstory.

When these people romanticize trauma, they trivialize the pain that real survivors experience. And worse? They make the whole shifting community look like a joke. Imagine someone who’s genuinely trying to use their DR to heal from their CR trauma stumbling upon one of these idiots? Embarrassing. I hate these hoes with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. They treat shifting like a sandbox where nothing matters and then complain when they end up spiraling in their DR because “oops, I didn’t realize depression would feel like that.” 🤡

I cannot stress this enough: your DR isn’t a fanfic. It’s your LIFE. You’ll live it, breathe it, feel it—all of it. If you’re not prepared to shoulder the weight of the trauma you’re scripting, don’t do it. And if you’re scripting trauma because you think it’s cute or cool? Stay far, far away from me. You’re not just irresponsible—you’re dangerous.

TL;DR (But Make It Iconic):

Scripting trauma is okay—as long as you’re doing it with intention and understanding the consequences.

Don’t treat trauma like it’s a quirky little accessory for your DR backstory. It’s serious, babe. Respect it.

To the fanfic shifters romanticizing trauma: I hate you hoes. Y’all are the reason people side-eye our entire community. Fix it.

Remember, shifting is about creating your dream life, not trivializing the experiences of others or glorifying pain you’ve never lived. Be mindful, stay informed, and, most importantly, don’t be a clown. 🤡✨

[ghostmoon1]

loooove the fact that you write for roach!!!! our bug boy needs attention too. i have an idea for him if you're interested: adopting a cat. what if he finds a small kitten somewhere where he is on a mission and decides to bring it home to his partner. just imagine everytime be comes home he's like "where is my son????" and the kitten runs to him and climbs on his pants 😭

Hello anon!!

Dearly sorry for how long this took me to write, motivation has been biting my ass lately. But this idea is adoreable, and Roach would be the best ever cat dad. I wrote a lotta this with my own cat sitting on me :D

I hope this is enough and that you enjoy!!

Cat Dad Roach

It was in the middle of a mission, walking along the streets of a small town. He was wandering at the back of the team, watching Ghost and Soap banter with each other before his eye got caught on something else in the street. He tears himself away from the team, who soon notice his disappearance. They watch from a distance as Roach slowly steps up to a small bundle of fur lying on the side of the road. His face lights up as he reaches for the small kitten, grinning ear to ear, melting a little inside at its small meow. He cradled it close to his chest, taking it back with him no matter what anyone said.

When he got back home, you were standing in the kitchen. When you heard keys in the front door and the soft padding of his boots in the hallway, you knew he was finally home, back to you. You make your way through the house, sticking your head into the doorway. 

“Welcome home baby. Missed you” you say with a smile, that smile turning into a face of confusion as you see him quietly slip his bag off his shoulder, a bundle of blankets wrapped up in his arms. You stare at him with an eyebrow raised, silently questioning him.

He slips his mask off and grins, no look of guilt to be seen. Adjusting the blanket, he speaks softly. “Found ourselves a little friend.”

He moves the blankets to the side, revealing the face of the small kitten, peacefully sleeping in his arms. “Gonna name him Steve.”

From that point on, Steve was a part of the family. There was no changing that fact, he has been adopted, and as Roach refers to him; he is now his son. And you hear about it no matter the hour, or where you both are.

Whenever he comes home from a mission, or just walks in the door from ducking down to the shops to grab some bread that you needed, he instantly drops the items on the kitchen counter, gives you a quick hug and kiss before he then struts through the house, calling out “Where’s my son?!”

He continues this for a few minutes until you can hear the tiny padder of paws against the floorboards, and a noise escaping his lips that you can only describe as pure joy. He kneels, just for Steve and lets him climb all over his clothes, it doesn’t matter if he puts pulls and claw marks all over it, they could be replaced. His beloved Steve never could.

He ends up joining you both for cuddle sessions, every single time. While Roach’s body is intertwined with yours, Steve finds his way into some spot, usually someplace on his chest, to feel his warmth radiating through him and to listen to his heartbeat, always nuzzling against him and leaking trails of cat fur.

Now, he's always thinking about his beloved son. Even when you both go out to shop. He drags you to the pet aisles, even if you complain and say that other things need to be done first. No, he is shopping for his son as well. Once you finally drag him out of the aisle, the trolley is now covered in new cat toys, some new treats to try out, a cute new bowl, and oh… don’t forget the outfits. (He also finds a roach outfit… like father like son)

[ And here is a lil drawing done by @gomzdrawfr bc we were talking about this teehee. Thank you again Gomz!! ]

He feeds Steve like he is royalty. He buys him the best foods and treats, plating the food on his assortment of bowls as if it had come from the fanciest restaurants. You have to stand in the doorway and watch as he coos over his son, watching in delight as he bounds over for his five-star meal.

[okaysonny]

Hello, can we get a sweet, tooth aching, whipped, fluff goo with chubby reader, where goo is supporting/comforting reader bcs they being insecure abt their looks? Feel free to ignore this if u feel uncomfyyy, thank u sm🫶🏻💞

for the love of cake (and you) ╏ goo kim

ᯓ★ summary: a sweet treat never hurt anyone.

ᯓ★ details: fluff, f! reader, spoiler free.

ᯓ★ wc: 540

ᯓ★ A/N: pretty short. sorry anon, this is probably less sentimental than what you wanted 😭 that is beyond my level of capabilities...+ i didn't address reader's insecurities directly, but it's implied. still, i hope you like it!

you hear goo’s obnoxiously loud humming from down the hall, getting closer with every step. as always, he enters the room like it’s a broadway stage, presenting an elaborate box in one hand.

“voila!” he announces, popping the lid off with a flourish. inside sits the most mouth-watering cake you’ve ever seen: three layers of chocolate, whipped cream, and enough frosting to put anyone in a sugar coma. “a masterpiece for your majesty! go ahead, thank me for putting some brightness in your life”

you blink at the cake, your stomach growling despite your resolve. “uh…i’m good. thanks though”

goo blinks, caught off guard. "what do you mean?!" he pouts.

“i mean i’m not hungry!” you say quickly, waving your hands dismissively.

his lips quirk into a sly grin as he sets the box down. “not hungry?” he repeats, voice dripping with disbelief. “or… are we talking that kind of 'not hungry'? y'know, when you’re suddenly thinking about carbs and calories and—”

“no!” you cut him off, the denial coming out way too loud. “that’s not it. i just…don’t want cake right now. is that illegal?”

goo's grin turns devilish. “so, if i hand you this fork…” he holds it out dramatically. “...you’re not gonna grab it, shovel cake into your mouth, and cry happy tears?”

your face burns. “that’s not gonna happen, because i don't want it!”

he hums, tilting his head in exaggerated thought. “so, you’re telling me this has nothing to do with you trying to diet—”

“of course not!” you snap, snatching the fork from him, purely out of spite. “you’re insane goo. stop analysing everything!”

his smirk widens as you stab at the cake, cutting off a small piece and taking an aggressive bite. the sweetness hits you immediately, rich and creamy, and you have to fight the smile threatening to break through. goo, of course, notices.

“there she is” he drawls, leaning against the counter, clearly a little too smug. “see? you can thank me now. or later, when you finish the whole thing”

you glare at him through a mouthful of cake, trying to swallow before snapping back, but he beats you to it.

“oh, and by the way...” he adds casually, wiping his glasses. “...dieting is for people who actually need it. trust me, you’re not on that list”

he swipes a bit of frosting with his finger and pops it into his mouth. “so stop being weird and eat, before i finish this for you”

your chewing slows, eyes narrowing. “was that… a compliment?”

“dunno. was it?” he quips, winking before heading out the door. “either way, cake tastes better when you’re smiling. don’t forget it!”

you stare after him, stunned for a moment. you roll your eyes and scoop up another bite of cake, a small smile creeping up despite yourself.

as the door clicks shut behind him, the words replay in in his head. cake tastes better when you're smiling. don't forget it! his brow twitches, and he scowls at himself.

“fuck…that’s so corny”

but as he rounds the corner, his grin reappears. he can allow it for today, if it meant you didn’t feel like… whatever it was you were feeling before.

not that he’d ever admit it.

divider: @strangergraphics

[lavellansvh3nan]

A Letter From Inquisitor Lavellan to Dorian Pavus

//OOC//: Hello again! These letters won’t leave my brain so I’m churning them out while the muse is there. Enjoy!

My friend,

I can practically see you brooding, you know. Which is your right and your past-time, by my count.

I won’t sit here and try to make excuses for my choices, there are no good ones anyway. I want you to know that no matter what, I never meant to hurt you. But that doesn’t make you less angry with me.

Perhaps I’ve caught you in a more benevolent mood, willing to hear me out. If Bull is near you when you read this letter, remind him that he owes me one. Or more likely you’ll crumple up this letter, probably set it on fire, and only spare a thought for me when you’re telling embellished stories around a gorgeous dining table. Either way, you are owed an explanation.

I remember when you told me of your intentions to try and change Tevinter. I was so proud of you, because I knew if anyone could make change in their home, it was you. The idea of watching my friend leave, knowing that it would be unlikely we’d see each other more than a handful of times among the years, was difficult to swallow. Especially after all you did to bring me back to life when Solas left.

You can say his name, you know. He isn’t going to appear around a corner and lunge at you. I’ve made him promise not to.

What you did for me in the months following his departure is a debt I’ll never be able to repay. I’ve known the love of a mother, a father, a lover, and a friend, but perhaps yours exceeds all of them. For yours is a loyalty, a steadfastness, a patience, that only comes with knowing someone completely and choosing to be with them in their dark moments.

Bathing me when I was covered in paint. Filling the endless silence of my despair with your constant prattle, being with me every single day I didn’t know what to do or how to move forward, it is a love I had never experienced or will ever experience again. It is unique to you.

When I finally came back to myself all those months later, realized you’d put your plans on hold for me, I was appalled. I assured you I would be fine and you finally went on your way. To start the life I knew you deserved. And look at all you’ve done! Minrathos and the Shadow Dragons would be nothing without your leadership.

I’ve spent the last eight years wondering what I would ever do if the chance came to see Solas again. In those first years, I was angry. And then I was lost, for a long time, though I think you were the only one who truly saw it.

Being the Inquisitor gave me purpose. I knew Thedas needed me. I wanted to help in whatever way I could, especially considering we’d inadvertently unleashed Solas on the world. And then there was the waiting, wondering when he’d strike. If he really intended to take us all down with him.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to so many about whether or not I believe Solas capable of tearing down the Veil. You, Bull, half the Inquisition, really. Most everyone agreed that Solas needed to be stopped by any means necessary. That he was a monster.

What was your poetic phrase? “A madman with the moral superiority of a guilty noble.”

Varric was the only one who believed Solas could be swayed. Told me that really, all Solas wanted was a reason not to go through with his plan. After what happened when Solas took my arm, I didn’t want to believe him. It was too painful to hope.

But then the reports came in, bit by bit from Varric. Noted from Solas, personal journals. Like he was leaving clues for us to find. As if his pride refused to relent but Solas, my vhenan, wanted us to stop him.

It wasn’t until I spoke with Rook, actually, that I knew for certain that if I saw him again, when I saw him again, things weren’t through between us.

Call it soulmates. Call it a connection through space and time. Or, call me a fool, as you already have. All are probably correct. But I’ve know since the moment I met Solas that something tied me to him. When I saw him again, I didn’t see the Dread Wolf. I saw my vhenan, beaten and broken and tired. Drowning in his regrets, a slave to what he thought was his journey to redemption. And in that moment, I swore Varric was standing there right beside me, telling me that the one thing that would sway Solas was love. And he was right.

Especially after his final encounter with Mythal (That is another letter entirely. One I know you’re dying to read, so if nothing else, allow me to indulge you in my next response)

To be perfectly clear— I do not love him more than you. I could love no one more than you. No matter where I go, I’ll be with you. Just as you told me when you returned to Tevinter. But it is different. Just as you have Iron Bull, and we both know logic has no place in your relationship with him.

*the last sentence is a crossed out line, still legible, as though Lavellan is teasing Dorian*

Now, this isn’t goodbye. This isn’t even see you later. Solas has assured me I can enter and leave the Fade whenever I choose. Thanks to Rook, there are plenty of Eluvians available for me to come and visit. If you’ll have me. I understand you plan to pout, to hate me for a few weeks, as is your right. Don’t brood too long, however. I know you’re chomping at the bit to know all that’s transpired.

Just know, I’ll never be far from you.

With love, always,

Elliana

[platinumink]

Headcanon Vol.2: Odysseus had unruly hair in his youth but grew out of it but Telemachus now has to deal with it and Ody helps his son and it all ends in a beautiful hurt/comfort moment

Not as good as my other headcanons for this fandom but I really do think about situations where Telemachus is just struggling to tidy his hair which is just going crazy all of the time and is about to give up when Odysseus strolls into the bathing area and notices his sons struggles.

Not wanting to embarrass him any further after the whole clothes stealing shenanigans, he simply nods in hello and does his thing with cleaning himself. When he's done, he notices that Telemachus is still not any closer to figuring out his hair so he comes over and mentions how he also had impossible-to-deal-with hair and age and growing it out (the added weight) helped with it's upkeep but he did have some tricks he learned to aid the issue.

So he tells his son about it who becomes completely enraptured in the story, not wanting to miss a single word his dad tells him. Telemachus asks for tips and Ody asks if it would be okay to show him and his son agrees.

Ody spends the next hour ir so explaining hair care for curly hair to his son, going over herb tinctures and oils he can use to make his hair submit to his will without damaging it as well as special brushes and movements that help with detangling and finally braids that help with the right curl forming overnight. It becomes a whole thing with them and even though Telemachus gets the hang of it very quickly, he keeps on asking his dad to do it for him and Ody is bever going to decline because quality time with his dearly missed son is everything to him.

So during their hair care moments, they talk about each others days, what they were going to do the day after and eventually, Ody feels confortable enough to confide in his son as well about his Odyssey (hehe) and they things he went through and had to do and Telemachus is then there for him, reassuring him and comforting him as well.

Eventually Telemachus does his dads hair as well so they can spend even more time together.

Penelope does know about this because of course Ody had to tell her all about how much he loves his son and how much he enjoys their new father son bonding moments, but one day, when she enters the bathing area earlier than usual, she sees the two of them and observes their little time together. She does not intervene because while she also loves her son deeply, she will allow her husband to have this time for himself to catch up on all of the lost time.

I also imagine their time together always ends with them touching foreheads (because I am a sucker for those between parents and their kids), hugging and Ody kissing his sons hair. They then always leave the baths together before Telemachus artives at his room first where they hug again and wish each other a restful night and then Ody leaves fir his own room and lies down beside his wife, talks with her just as long about their days and then they fall asleep in each others arms thoigh Odys head is 100% on Penelopes chest to hear her heartbeat because he has still trauma from Calypsos bullshit and needs it to convince himself that he is home.

He then sleeps, thinking about his family.

And now i've brough myself to tears yet again. 😭🩵

Also if anyone wants to write or draw something with this, you of course have my full permission. Just tag me please, I want to say thank you and admire your work 😭🙏🏻🩵

[desultory-suggestions]

"It gets better for everyone!" is a insultingly naïve mindset born from luck and having correct circumstances. It factually does not magically ""get better"" for everyone, but people like you get LUCKY and deem that its that way for everyone else, without reflecting that in another life it could have just as easily been different. Are you really going to tell people who have no support system, are in poverty "don't worry because it's JUST your depression making you sad silly!!!". I work with people everyday who have no family, no friends, and can't even begin to dig themselves out of that hole, but I'll make sure to pass on that a 20 year old tumblr user said to "decorate their bedroom" and it'd set them on the fast track to getting better :).

Hello,

I hear what you are saying, and it is clear from your words that you like so many of us have and continue to deal with the incredibly real systemic, chronic, or inherent issues that can make like so exhausting. Most mail like this is sent in the heat of emotional pressure and pain, and I hope whatever it is you are feeling now can be addressed in a meaningful way that supports you.

I thought about giving an answer to this, but it seems obvious to me (and I'd hope to anyone who follows me) that this just doesn't make sense to argue. This blog has never advocated that mental illness or suffering are "silly" or easily fixable, and I have talked candidly and often about how systemic oppression is causing so much of the suffering we are told is all in our heads. I have even talked candidly about how my upbringing, adverse experiences, and struggles with discrimination have effected me.

While many can benefit from the kind of content I share (which is less dense than it used to be, fair!) many will not. Even those who do benefit will still need meaningful help addressing real issues like housing, food, safety, community, etc. Those of us who are able to stop and enjoy a simpler positive post are privileged to do so, and we shouldn't forget that. It doesn't mean we cannot enjoy, support, create, or rely on this kind of content. We all respond to different things, and I know first hand this blog has helped many people. However, we must be conscious of how we can take action to support those around us who need it the most, who are struggling with being unhoused, unfed, unwelcome, unloved.

I am sorry that whatever post you saw sparked so much frustration for you, but I think you already know that not everything is for everyone. Some people are helped by the "little things" and that is wonderful. Of course it never has and never will mean we should ignore the big ones.

Best,

Evan

[anachronismstellar]

Hello, I'm the anon who chucked a lot of brainrot are you recently, gonna sign off as moon anon since now, cause theme.

Okay but what if, one of the next peak lords really needs a hug. Like, that person is at least lvl 3 touch starved but doesn't really have the guts nor a person to ask for cuddles. And then they hear of Shang "peak lord collector" Qinghua. And they logically conclude that since he doesn't mind close contact he also wouldn't mind some other types of it, right?

Que a letter goes in with reports next time, adressed to SQH and enchanted not to be opened by any one else. And he's confused but then he opens it and it's very sweet letter asking if he would be amenable for a cuddle session. And on one hand what the heck, on the other this is so cut omg.

So he accepts and then he basically gets a cuddle buddy who also can make some really good snacks and actually got some really really nice bed and oop he fell asleep.

Bonus points if the peak lord is somewhere on the aroace spectrum and while there may or may not be sex, that is definitely a peak lord that will not hesitate to shank someone for sqh. So they are def collected. "Why do you invite him over?" "I'm a slut for cuddles. We also have a book club"

And yes, they will try to shank MBJ if he tries to take their cuddle time away from them. They might be the tiniest peak lord at the cursed 5'2/5'3 but it's cause they are condensed ball of mass destruction and they have their ways.

-moon anon

Moony!!! I'm so so sorry it took me so long to finish this asiufhsaudf

And, as you know, and as I do, the prompt ran away and became its own thing lol

The name for the Divination peak I borrowed from the amazing faq by 00janeblonde

Now, a few TWs:

There is a two line description of childbirth, I'm gonna put it in orange if anyone wants to skip that. Also, Jiao Qingxing is a very anxious baby! I didn't describe any panic attacks, but he is going through some severe touch starvation here, if that squicks you please please take care of yourself!

Last, but not least, I do have some comments about our dear hamster behavior in this fic, but enough of me blabbing, and on with the show! :D

--------

Jiao Qingxing liked to think he had a good face. It wasn't good practice for a physiognomer to analyze their own physical appearance, that would be the same as dooming themselves. But it was hard not to measure the space between his brows and nose while looking at his bronze mirror, or trace the small mole he had on his cheek with his fingertips when nervous. 

Nevertheless it was a good face. Maybe not a peerless beauty as Shen-shixiong, or striking as Wei-shixiong, but with good proportions and free of hardships. 

His numbers were also to be praised. Born under fortuitous time with astonishing balance between his elements, he knew he had been chosen to be the head disciple as soon as he gave his first cry while his mother still laid on her delivery bed, sheets smeared with blood and sweat. Oh he had to go through all the procedures to enter the Sect, but everyone knew that he would pass all tests. It was written on his name, on his destiny. And the following peak Lord of Zhi Ji would be chosen the same way. 

There was only one thing, he thought, in which he felt less fortunate than his martial siblings. 

“There you go, Shidi. You can put your clothes back on.”

Intimacy.

Jiao Qingxing���s entire body shook with relief as he sat down on the soft cot bed, the movement making his jewelry chim softly like clear bells. He felt a bit bad for tuning Mu-shixiong off while he gave the same old same old report on his vitals and his qi, too tired to hear the encouragement on the doctor's voice.

There was nothing wrong with him, he was improving since the past session, they were taking the necessary steps to move a bit forward and maybe take his hair do down while they do their sessions-

Jiao Qingxing closed his eyes, swallowing down as Mu-shixiong’s speech echoed on his head before the doctor said it, word by word, death by a million papercuts.

No matter how much time had passed, how closer he had gotten with his martial siblings, he seemed to be encased in glass. And it wasn’t for lack of trying on both sides, they all have been head disciples one day after all, and he had attended many parties in which Zhang Qingyan’s wine was passed around freely and games were played as if they were kids once more. 

Nevertheless, it’s been years since he had approached Mu-shixiong with his little situation, and still he hasn’t allowed himself to relax enough to put his hair down during their sessions. He appreciated Mu-shixiong not forcing the issue, but made Jiao Qingxing a bit sad that the doctor wouldn’t scream at him and make him go through his treatment properly as he would with the other peak lords.

Made their hugs feel a bit hollow, more an obligation than a nice moment between them.

“This one thanks Mu-shixiong for his time,” Jiao Qingxing said as he put his robes back on, one layer at a time as one would put silk over expensive porcelain to protect it from chipping. 

“Before you go, Shidi,” Mu Qingfang extended his hand towards Jiao Qingxing, the heat of his palm hovering over his arm without touching it. “This one has a matter to discuss with you.”

Jiao Qingxing held back his desire to hunch his shoulders, blinking away the visions of a thousand futures that could possibly settle over them. 

It was his power, it was his curse. Mu-shixiong called it anxiety but he had got too many predictions right to fully trust the doctor’s diagnosis. 

“As Shidi knows, this one is going to the Caves at the end of the month. Not for long, but for enough time to cultivate and check the others there. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will be back on time to have another of our sessions,” and it would be so funny if it weren’t sad to see his Shixiong nervous, as if Jiao Qingxing would cry and despair. 

Honestly, he felt bad for feeling relief.

“It’s no issue, Shixiong. This one understands. We can reschedule it for a further date.”

“I would agree to that if Shidi’s meridians weren’t blocked as they are now,” and wasn't Shixiong so nice to say it as if it were just a minor hiccup instead of him being in the cusp of a qi deviation? “I fear that we reached an impasse. I can’t forward your case to my head disciple because that would be improper, but I also can’t leave you without your treatment.”

“What are you suggesting, Shixiong?”

The doctor took off his glasses, pressing down on the faint mark on the bridge of his nose. Jiao Qingxing wouldn’t dare read his face so shamelessly, but he couldn’t help to think that the faint stubble fit him well, balanced his youth and gave the Qing Cao Peak Lord an air of maturity that was charming. None of these observations helped him when the suggestion came:

“I have made a list,” Mu-shixiong said as he slowly put his glasses back on, patting his robes before extending a piece of folded paper to Jiao Qingxing. “Of other possible candidates for your session. Of course the final decision-”

“No,” he said as he tightened his robes a bit too forcefully, the silk slipping through his fingers as they shook from anger.

“Shidi, be reasonable-”

“I said no!” he shouted, and that made the doctor raise both his hands, always hovering but never touching.

No one ever touched-

“Shidi,” Mu-shixiong waited until he had calmed down, not wanting to upset even more the progress they had made during the past two hours. “I assure you, whoever name is on that list will be careful with the information and I will instruct them myself about all the procedures.”

And isn’t it sad? He should be used to it, but it still hurt to hear it in medical terms like that. Procedures. As if hugging Jiao Qingxing demanded step by step routine. 

He took the paper. He knew that Mu-shixiong wouldn’t scream at him or force anything, but the doctor might get some weird ideas like dragging Jiao Qingxing to the caves with him and that would be even worse than dealing with whoever might be written down.

Jiao Qingxing hated the caves, too many possibilities, too many destinies interconnected, too many futures that he couldn’t grasp. 

“How…” and he had to take a small pause, pressing his lips in a thin line as he blew air from his nose slowly. 

Exhale. Inhale.

“How much time do I have before sending you a response?”

“I would say until the end of the week.” and he didn’t need much to read the discomfort on his Shixiong’s face. He knew the deadline was tight, considering how sensitive it was for Jiao Qingxing. 

“Very well,” he said instead of lashing out again, picking up the list without looking at it yet. “I will think about it.”

“This Shixiong appreciates his Shidi efforts.”

He left Qing Cao Peak with disheveled robes and a sword speed that would make Liu-shixiong envious.

-xx-

It had taken him three days to look at the list hidden on the sleeve of his robes, the paper so crumbled it was a miracle Jiao Qingxing could understand Mu-shixiong's calligraphy at all. The list, as expected, was extremely short, with some names that were a bit unexpected, such as Qinghui-shixiong, to some a bit more sensible as Gao-shixiong. 

What was curious, though, was the name at the very bottom of the list, scratched out but still recognizable, considering his options:

Shang Qinghua

Now, there could have been many reasons for the name to have been reconsidered. He wasn't one for gossiping, but he was almost sure he heard someone say that Mu-shixiong had special feelings for Shang-shixiong. Could be that he had put the name down and then got jealous? Mu-shixiong didn't seem the type to do so…

Another possibility was that Shang-shixiong himself was too busy to schedule an entire evening with him to deal with his situation. That sounded more plausible, considering how he had never seen Shang-shixiong stop moving or taking a break. 

But that wouldn't be the perfect reason to put Shang-shixiong's name on the list? Mu-shixiong might not be the jealous type but he was the type of person that wouldn't throw away the chance to force his most jittery Shixiong to stop and rest. So, putting Shang Qinghua's name wouldn't be killing two birds with one stone? Why take his name away then? 

He traced the lines over Shang Qinghua's name, making an impulsive decision. 

He was making it a bigger fuss than it was. They would meet, have calming tea, sleep for two hours and then probably never look each other in the face again, and then he would go back to his appointments with Mu-shixiong that were strictly professional but at least it didn't involve socializing. 

That’s what he repeated to himself as his head disciple announced the arrival of the An Ding peak lord, a few weeks later, for their appointment. He asked his head disciple to guide his Shixiong to his Leisure House, putting his papers aside to take a deep breath, gathering the courage to get up and move. He hadn’t slept a wink the past night, jumping from bed as soon as it was deemed an acceptable hour to take the longest bath he had ever taken, scrubbing his skin so hard it became red all over. It didn’t help with the sensation of ants crawling up his arms, but it made him more grounded, focused on what he had to do. 

Tea. A little talk. Sleep. Send Shang Qinghua away.

He opened the door to his Leisure house as if opening the door to a war council, soft steps hesitantly carrying him all the way to the table where Shang Qinghua was sitting, back towards the door. 

What made Jiao Qingxing stop on his tracks was how relaxed his Shixiong seemed to be. The bun on the top of his head was nowhere to be seen, instead soft brown hair covered yellow robes in waves of curls, as if Autumn itself had dropped its colors all over Shang Qinghua. 

The smell of lavender, the usual tea Mu-shixiong would prepare for them both before their appointments, was a familiar comfort, calming his heart as he got closer to Shang Qinghua, stopping just a little bit behind the An Ding peak lord. 

“Shixiong.”

The sound of wood being knocked followed by a string of curses made Jiao Qingxing flinch, immediately taking a step back. Meanwhile, Shang Qinghua rushed to get on his feet, almost falling face first on the ground to take a bow, excuses spilling from his mouth faster than Jiao Qingxing could understand.

“-said that I should wait here, but oh my god I should have waited by the door, I’m so sorry Shidi, shit I’m already messing this up, aren’t I? And after all the talk Mu-shixiong sat me through too, oh Heavens, but I made some tea! Lavender is your favorite, right? I brought some others as well just in case-”

“S-Shixiong-” it was too much, Shang-shixiong was too much. Jiao Qingxing already knew that; he had to sit through all the Sect meetings just as all the other peak lords and ladies after all. However, one thing was to face Shang Qinghua’s presence with others to shield Jiao Qingxing from all the anxiety Shang-shixiong seemed to be moved by, another thing entirely was to bear the full force of it. 

This might have been a mistake, maybe Mu-shixiong had been right on striking the name off the list.

Because on top of all the exaggerated hand movement, the nonstop talking without talking about nothing at all, there was… There was something odd about Shang-shixiong’s that Jiao Qingxing couldn’t pinpoint. An energy that made all the hairs of the back of his neck tingle, rising up as if he were in danger; a faint circle of bright blue in his eyes that hurt Jiao Qingxing head if he stared for too long. 

Things were moving too fast out of control, he had to go back to the plan, they already had tea so they just had to talk, if Shang-shixiong let me talk, Qingxing thought with a deep sigh as the other kept going on and on about-

What was he talking about?

“-but then I read this book uh- back in my hometown, I don’t have it anymore, but I did some research, you don’t need to worry!”

“Thanking Shixiong for his efforts and his time,” Jiao Qingxing bowed low, already feeling exhausted. “But this one must beg forgiveness for wasting Shixiong’s time. This one will talk to Mu-shixiong-”

Warm hands touched his shoulders to gently make him straighten his posture, pulling a gasp from Jiao Qingxing's throat. He forced his gaze to stay cast downwards, not daring to look at his Shixiong’s brown-blue-gold eyes. 

“Jiao-shidi has nothing to apologize for, it’s this one who has to beg for forgiveness,” Shang Qinghua slowly but surely moved one of his hands from Qingxing’s shoulder to his hair, tugging it gently before putting it behind Qingxing’s ear. “This one went a bit ahead of himself, didn’t he? Hm…” and then he let it go, as if Jiao Qingxing hadn’t been branded by his heat, melting under it as soft snow on the first day of spring. 

Shang Qinghua sat down again, tapping the pillow next to him as an invitation, his silence ringing on Jiao Qingxing's ears after so much noise in the past minutes. He definitely should have just waited for Mu-shixiong, he could feel his breathing starting pick up as the situation fell out of control, he wanted to be touched again, he wasn’t expecting Shang-shixiong to be so warm, he-

“Here’s what we are going to do, Shidi,” Shang Qinghua said as he pulled Jiao Qingxing by the sleeve of his robe, making the Zhi Ji peak lord sit heavily next to him. “We are going to talk. Just talk. Okay? If you still think this is a bad idea, I will talk to Mu-shidi and we can think of something else. No harm done. What do you think?”

He gave Shang Qinghua a little nod. Talking is a good idea, he could talk. Staying so close to Shang Qinghua might be a bit too much, but he also wasn’t extremely bothered by it. 

“Good, great, now, I know that if we keep going this way I will do all the talking and that would be bad,” Shang-shixiong said as he busied himself by pouring them tea, offering the first cup to Qingxing as if he weren’t throwing all the ceremony and property out of the window. “So why don’t you tell me a little bit about your cultivation? I had never had someone reading my fortune, sounds fun!” He finished with a nervous giggle clearly not wanting to have his fortune read at all.

That was okay. He wasn’t going to do it anyway.

“There are many ways to tell one’s fortune.” he forced himself to say after sipping his tea, closing his eyes, pretending to be lecturing his disciples. “Analyzing the stars and the calendar is a very common one nowadays, but there is also the Four Pillars and, in my field of studies, Physiognomy. It’s not perfect, usually one has to combine more than one method…” and bit by bit he relaxed, letting his shoulders drop, the trembling of his hands simmering down until they were steady again. 

He spoke for a long time, explaining each type of method, their histories and when to apply them. And when it felt as if he couldn’t speak anymore, Shang-shixiong started asking questions, doing his best to pull Jiao Qingxing into a debate, challenging him to explain from how one could calculate the position of stars and determine which place a bed should be put in a room, to how the lines of the palm of his hand were connected to his heart and life. 

And the most mesmerising of it all, Shang Qinghua paid attention. It hurt a bit to have his full attention so close, but Jiao Qingxing couldn’t help but drink all of it, eager to be seen, to be truly seen after so many years of polite small talk and far away smiles. 

Before they both noticed, the sun had already set and their time together had come to an end. Reluctantly, they both stand on their feet, with Jiao Qingxiong following Shang Qinghua all the way to the door. 

“Well, that was fun!” Shang-shixiong chuckled, not back to his full energetic self, but unable to hold back his excitement either. “Now I have to rearrange my entire room, see if it improves my mood like you said.”

“I will be waiting to hear about the results, Shixiong.” Jiao Qingxing couldn’t hold back a smile either, shaking his head at his Shixiong’s silliness. “But it takes time. It won’t work after a night.”

“Yea, you are right.” Shang Qinghua nodded with a sigh, a twinkle in his eye that made Jiao Qingxing blink. “So I just have to keep coming here for the next few weeks then. To give you my report.”

Jiao Qingxing didn’t have a single romantic bone in his body. Or any interests for these types of relationships, that’s precisely what had put him in this situation to begin with.

But even he had to admit that… That Shang Qinghua was good at this. Flirting. Heavens, he might have even felt his cheeks heating up!

“If Shixiong so desires,” he said as he lowered his eyes once more, unsure how one should send a person away after being flirted with. “This one would be happy to hear Shixiong’s report.”

“Great! I will bring the tea, I know we didn’t drink much of it this time-”

“White tea.”

“Pardon?”

Jiao Qingxing felt the burn on his cheeks spread down his neck, glaring at the floor as if it could force it to open and end this embarrassing moment. 

“I prefer white tea. Mu-shixiong makes me drink the other to help me calm down but-”

“Ah,” and Qingxing couldn’t help but look up at Shang Qinghua, the soft smile on the An Ding peak lord tugging something on his heart. “Then I will bring the white tea. No need to tell Mu-shidi about it, huh?”

With a last promise to be back at the same time the next day, Shang Qinghua jumped on his sword, soon enough becoming a speckle of yellow in the dark sky. 

-xx-

Shang Qinghua came back the following day. And the next. And the next one.

Sometimes they talked for hours, other times they worked along in silence, or as silently Shang Qinghua was capable of being. It almost felt like routine, as if it was normal for the An Ding peak lord to spend so much time at Zhi Ji peak.

And, bit by bit, he could feel Shang Qinghua getting closer and closer. A brush of their hands here and there, a playful tug at his sleeves, their shoulders touching as they revised paperwork side by side. 

Again, Jiao Qingxing wasn’t a romantic, but he could appreciate the gestures, more than anything he could appreciate the lack of hesitancy in which Shang Qinghua invaded his personal space, as if he had all the right to be there. And funnily enough, Jiao Qingxing felt as he did. 

“Shidi,” Shang Qinghua called his attention, probably not for the first time by the way he was pulling his sleeve. “Can I brush your hair?”

The question felt as if it came out of nowhere, making Jiao Qingxing pick up one of the braids close to his neck.

“What for?” he asked, not entirely against the idea, but also not sure if he wanted to trust his hair to the person who kept theirs in a bun most of the time. But all he got for an answer was a shrug, and Shang Qinghua flicking the small chain on his hair pin. 

Too curious to see where this was going, he gave one last glance at his Shixiong before going all the way to his room to grab his comb, handing it to Shang Qinghua before sitting with his back towards the other. 

“If it hurts, let me know,” he whispered a bit too close to Jiao Qingxiong's ear, starting him enough for Qingxing to move a bit away from his Shixiong. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Shang Qinghua said with a squeeze of his shoulder,  getting to work. And, as if they had all the time in the world, Shang Qinghua took away his hair pin, using his fingers to massage Jiao Qingxing's scalp. 

It was as if someone had poured hot qi from his head, dripping down all the way to his toes. He barely could hold back a moan as Shang Qinghua used his nails to scratch from the top of his head to the back of his ears, thumbs pressing a bit over the back of his neck. 

He couldn't help but close his eyes, tipping his head back as clever fingers separated his hair into sectionsbefore Shang-shixiong actually started combing from the bottom all the way to his head.

It might have been the most relaxed he had felt in years. He felt his body swaying, a whine leaving his lips when strong arms pulled him closer, until his back was fully resting against Shang Qinghua's chest. And again it felt like Shang-shixiong was made of heated rocks, his warmth making it very difficult for Jiao Qingxing to concentrate on being awake.

“Shidi?” The voice next to his ear made him whine, the sensation too good for him to answer properly. “What about we take a nap, hn?” and how could he do anything else but agree?

Once more he was held by Shang Qinghua's gentle hands, this time to be carried all the way to his rooms. A distant voice in his head screamed that it was a mess, Shang-shixiong deserved better than two days old sheets and an unmade bed, but there was a rumbling coming from Shang-shixiong's chest as he hummed a nice tune, distracting Jiao Qingxing from his loud thoughts. At some point the humming was gone, replaced by Shang Qinghua explaining everything he was doing as he removed all the layers of robes Jiao Qingxing preferred to wear, leaving the Zhi Ji peak lord only with his most inner robe.

“Shixiong,” he whispered as cold sunk deep into his skin the moment Shang Qinghua left him to remove his own clothing. “Shixiong, please-”

“Shh, sorry, sorry, I'm right here,” and then Jiao Qingxing felt-

He felt.

The hiccup was like a punch to his chest as tears trickled down his face. Suddenly it was impossible to stop the sobbing as he hid his face against Shang Qinghua's neck, calloused hands touching him everywhere, burning his skin in a searing white sensation. 

But not hurting. Never hurting.

“Shhh… Shidi is doing great, that's it, let it all out…” Shang Qinghua's tone of voice sounded far from being an order, but it felt as a command all the same. 

And Jiao Qingxing cried, and cried, until his voice was gone and his heart felt hollow. And when there was nothing left for him to pour out, Shang Qinghua was there to hold him through, his presence a soothing balm that lulled Jiao Qingxing to sleep.

The next day, when Shang Qinghua left after they shamelessly slept in, there was a smile on Jiao Qingxing's blushing face, and a letter to Mu-shixiong ready to be sent, reporting not only the successful results of the session but also a request to discuss his treatment in depth.

-xx-

Ye Ling had a notebook.

Not an An Ding notebook, that was a separate one, filled with all types of forms and procedures, plans for classes and disciples’ names that needed to be kept close or the ones that should be praised. No, her notebook, well cherished and taken care of, had the cover made of dark leather, paper so used that it didn’t close properly anymore, calligraphy so small that, if her Shizun ever saw it he would say she was practicing to cheat on tests. 

Not that he would ever see it. If Shizun ever caught her notebook... 

She would be dead.

It had Shang-shizun’s entire love life noted somehow. The things she was able to piece together, at least. There were many gaps, her Shizun too paranoid for her to snoop too much without getting in trouble. And because she would be dead if her Shizun ever found the book, she took an extra step to write everything in code, with names and symbols that she had made herself.

Her Shizun had taught her well!! It didn’t hurt to be prepared!!

However, because her Shizun was also the person who taught her how to write things in code, when she saw her precious dark leather notebook in the hands of Shang Qinghua, An Ding Peak Lord himself, she felt her vision darkening, and the sound of her heartbeat so loud it made her ears hurt.

She could try her luck. He probably hasn’t seen her come in. She turned around, ready to bolt-

“Ye Ling.”

Oh. Oh no.

That wasn’t the “I am so angry I might actually go after Liu Qingge and throw him down.” voice.  

That was the “You didn’t file the form correctly and now I’m angry and disappointed” voice.

And it was so so much worse.

“Yes, Shizun?”

He closed the notebook and put it down in front of him right in the middle of his desk, as if daring her to get closer to grab it. Then, slowly, so slowly that all the hair in her arms and neck stood up, he raised his eyes at her, pressing the point of his index finger against the pad of his thumb, the only thing betraying calm posture.

“I won’t step in the way of my head disciple getting some extra coin.” He got up from his desk and her knees were going to fail her if he got closer, all the alarm bells ringing on her head. “But you must agree that I am entitled to some questions.”

She dropped to the floor so fast her hands slapped loudly on wooden boards, touching her forehead to the ground.

“This disciple is immensely sorry and apologizes! This lowly one is ready to accept her punishment as Shizun deems fit!!” At each word that she screamed, his footsteps got closer. “This one won’t complain and will take care of the entire course plan of the new disciples when time comes, this one is also willing-”

She wasn’t even aware of what she was promising anymore when he grabbed her by her forearms, picking her up as if she were a small crate of parchments to be moved, patting her sleeves to clean up the dust on her white robes.

“Stop that! It won’t work with me, young lady, in the school of begging for your life, I might be your grandmaster!” 

Shizun, have some decency! Show some mercy!! Normal people don’t brush off their students' meddling and betting on their love life! And they don’t confess being masters of begging for their life either!!

“No take backsies though, next batch of new disciples is all yours to teach.”

“But Shizun-”

“Nope, not hearing it! You said you would do it, they are yours now!”

“A-Aren’t you mad?” and it was a testimony of how confused she was that she didn’t even notice the extremely informal way she just addressed him. And thank Heavens her Shizun wasn’t one to stick to these types of formalities, otherwise she would be packing her bags to the sewage district for sure.

“Oh, don’t be silly, of course I’m not mad!”

“Uh-”

“I am furious,” and the glare he sent her way was scarier than Shen-shishu’s, she didn’t even know that was possible. “I don’t care if you make a betting poll on my sleeping habits or whatever I will quit my job before the next Immortal Alliance Conference, what I am disappointed about is the fact that you wrote it down!”

She didn’t flinch. She knew her Shizun would never touch a hair of her head to harm her in any way, and she knew she deserved this scolding. But in moments like these, when her Shizun is actually serious for a change, when she was reminded that her Shizun was an Immortal with enough strength to level mountains if needed, and a brain with so much information about everything and everybody that it was actually scary, it was very difficult to not send a prayer to the Heavens for her life.

The Sewers might not be so bad. Maybe.

“This one begs her Shizun for mercy, the notebook was in a safe location, I swear!”

“Not so safe if I was able to get my hands on it!” he argued back, and this close she could see the white of his eyes, his lips pulled down in an almost sneer. 

She lowered her head again, blinking to make the burning sensation in her eyes go away. She wasn’t going to cry, she wasn’t, tears were for playing victim and tricking the enemy, that’s what Shizun had taught her. 

She would swallow her pride and accept her fate. 

An inked finger touched her chest, right down her neck, making her tilting her head even lower to see what her Shizun would do next. But before she could move at all, he swept his finger up, catching her nose for just enough of a moment to make her stare at his hand cross eyed, letting her go with after a gentle squeeze. 

“I taught you better than that, Ye Ling.”

She didn't have the face to answer or look at him, so she only nodded, shoulders hunched to make herself smaller.

“Now, as for punishment, I want a complete research on codification of information, different types of ciphers, and talismans for protecting books and contracts.”

She raised her head, not wanting to complain about her good luck but also not believing in it one bit, twisting and pulling the cord of her head disciple pass on her waist. That was it? Getting stuck with the new disciples was harsh and a task more fit to her shimeis and shidis, her schedule as a head disciple already busy as it was. But… Teaching the kids, research on codes and… Nothing else?

“Also your notebook is mine now,” Ah. There it was. “I will give you another notebook later, but this one stays with me.” Then he twisted her around so she would be facing the door, pushing her all the way out of his office. “Good luck rebuilding your betting poll from scratch, now shoo, I have work to do!”

Then the door was shut with a faint “thud”, leaving her alone with heart fluttering on her chest like a bird that had escaped the claws of a very scary cat. Her hands were so sweaty she had to pat them down on her uniform to not drip it on the floor.

It was fine. She wasn’t dead, it was fine.

If you are alive, you can always start again, wasn't that what Shizun said?

But first she had some research to do.

---------

Can y'all believe this AU has more than 25k words? I never wrote so much for a fandom in my entire life lol

Now, about Shang Qinghua and Ye Ling: He is angry and so proud and so angry is not even funny. Mostly because that little notebook could have put him in a LOT of trouble with a certain demon King 👀 plus, I don't believe Shang Qinghua acts as much as a crying "weak" mess around his students, he has to teach them how to deal with a lot of shit from other peaks, so he lets An Ding disciples take a little peek under his "I'm just a silly guy please don't hurt me I will cry" mask. As a treat.

Ngl, this fic became a little bit of a indulging moment for me, and I had to get out of my comfort zone writing it! But I really hope you all like it <3

I'll post it on Ao3 later after I take a nap lol

10/12 PEAK HERE WE GOOOOOO :D

[ficsinhistory]

Ok, I'll ask! Since team Sonic all have their traumas, what might be Amy's? Anything to do with some other characters, like Cream or Vanilla, or some new ones per the movies? Thanks, and glad you liked the movie too, IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING!!!! 🖤❤️🖤

Hello @selemercy !! I’m so happy you asked because I’m really excited to dive into what could be the possible horrors and traumas of our little sweet pink hedgehog (and speculate in general about her in the fourth movie) !!!

THIS WILL HAVE SPOILERS TO SONIC 3, PLEASE AVOID IF YOU DON’T SEE IT YET!!! (GO SEE THE MOVIE IS PEAK!)

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LET’S GO!!!!

First, I will delimit some info. For what we’re seeing in the SCU, the games are the base but not followed step by step, so some modifications can be done. Also, it seems that it’s a game per movie, so Cream and Vanilla wouldn’t be in the movie or barely mentioned. Also using what was seen in the post credit scene.

Ok? Ok.

In the movies, Sonic, Knuckles, Tails and Shadow all have their traumas and heavy backstory that molded them as characters that impact them in all the story. Seeing how this universe is building them so well, I can’t see Amy not receiving a similar development. Because, even loving Amy, I have to admit: she doesn’t have a strong or big backstory for herself. Her own origin was err…kinda cliche, borderlining problematic (for today standards ofc). Sure, she evolved a lot but when we talk about movies, backstory is a huge point. So, a change comes. Let’s see some points.

Sonic 4 will follow probrally loosely the events of Sonic CD. That's my most safe bet. With Metal Sonic involved, I only can see this game as the base. But keep in mind the key-word here: base. The movies give me some strong reasons that Amy’s and backstory will be wildly different, while her personality could have some changes yet, keeping the core of Amy Rose. So, some changes:

Amy will be from the Little Planet. Amy Rose doesn’t have a home, so taking into account Sonic CD, this is what could be a good change, Little Planet can and is inhabited in the games, so can be in the movies too! Is a pretty big one too, because my next bet is…

Amy will find Sonic because she’s the guardian AND holder AND user of the Time Stones! See, remember the whole “find you because fate told me”? Can work with some changes that I will explain later!

Amy will PROTECT Sonic! You hear me right, Amy Rose in the movie universe will be a protector of this boy this time! 

With that explained, here my humble takes!

Amy will be a girly girl from the Little Planet, that still with her core traits: optimist, full of unconditional love, kind, hot-tempered, bold, fearless, proactive, energetic and with a huge amount of empathy. She is the girl we already know with an eagerness of adventure and unstoppable drive, great! 

To her life before chaos I have two lines:

She has been alone since…always. Sonic had Longclaw, Knuckles his tribe, Tails his village. Amy…had nobody. No origin or family. She grows up as an orphan and with no parental figure. We would see her living in some orphanage or an institution for kids like her. The point is that Amy would not have nobody and this makes a number on her. She wants help and to be there for people so much… because no one ever has been there for her. Would be a great contrast with everyone and Sonic, in particular. She loves the universe so much, yet… with no family or friends. (bonus point if she sees the Wachowski at some point with a found look wishing that she had a family too *cries*)

A bunch of messed up things happened that left her with anyone. Big tragedy here. Amy would have a good family but a disaster out of her control ripped them of her. In this case, the Metal Sonic army (more elaboration later). In this case, she also would lead with grif, but she would feel more the impotence in front of fate and tragedy, and this would mess her up. 

Or even can be none of this! 

So, Amy Rose is a kind, feisty and lovely girl that lives in her home: Little Planet. She would have some attachment issues, if for the reasons above or other, she would have them (some good material about this here and here). Amy would feel really bad about being alone, left behind and virtually, without anyone in the world, thinking that even longing for bonds, she is always left behind, leading to some issues and a sense of inferiority. Yet, Amy would love everyone and everything, seeing the best in all people and trusting that life can be good. She would be resilient and lovable.

Not only that, maybe because she would be an apprentice of the guardian (like Sonic and Longclaw) or by chance, but Amy also would know where lays the Time Stones. The central piece of her culture and the reason she believes times and fate is the answer to all. You can’t fight destiny, isn’t it?

Well, is all sun and rainbows in her life…

Until the plot happens :D 

The Metals Sonic would appear and dominate Little Planet, wanting the Time Stones to reign supreme, destroying all she ever knew. But Amy then got them first to discover a way to fix things and they show how: Metal Sonic can be defeated. What leads to the bad end is Sonic being defeated, so now she has to make sure he's alive. This blue boy became her hope and the girl now has a mission: find and protect Sonic.

Then Amy runs away to Earth at the current timeline with the help of  the Stones, at the same age and time as Sonic.

Now, she was truly alone, having to hide from the Metal Army that now made her a target, trying to always do good things to people but never staying for so long. Is dangerous. She is running from a powerful enemy and can’t stay with anyone.

She doesn't know how to find the blue hedgehog either.

The Time Stones would give only some flashes of Sonic and Amy has no courage to use them again, afraid of messing up the only change she has. As she grows up, they'd only give some glimpses of how Sonic is in the moment, and how he spent the most part of his life hiding, would make it pretty hard to find him.

Also would make her basically grow up along him and her only constant in life. In the flashes, Amy would always observe as if he was sad or happy, catch his little mannerisms and the people he sees. She finds him funny, a little lonely, and ultimately a good person. She sees his power and why he is the one who stops those machines. Amy really wants to talk to him.

He's on Earth like her. Is everything she knows.

Meanwhile she trained a lot. Being chased for your whole life teaches some tricks and Amy became very good at being under the radar. She learned how to elude the metal sonics even with the power of the Times Stones buzzing beneath her skin. She learned to fight with the hammer, the only thing she brought with her from home. How to use her chaos energy in her favor. 

A warrior made after years.

Is when the things with Shadow and the almost destruction of the Earth gave her the sign she needed and using the Time Stone, finally finds where Sonic would be.

So basically it would be this. Also, imo, Amy's conflict would be that she wants to save everyone from Metal Sonic. But she is also attached to Sonic and after basically growing up with him and seeing him with his family…let's say she doesn't feel exactly comfortable sending him to battle. Maybe also with some visions with him dying in the mix, and a Future that all is okay, but she dies instead and she prefers this than sending her lover one to danger thanks to some sacrificial tendences plus unconditional love PLUS nobody would care because everyone leaves her behind anyway and Sonic had so much to lose.

What would drive him crazy because he may or may not have fallen in love with her (if some media can do Sonamy right is the SCU and they are kinda confirmed to be a point of the movie so…yeah. My take on Sonamy is the old that fate brings us and we're doomed by the narrative. A classic. I could write a post about Sonamy in the SCU context and that could really work!)

Thanks for asking! 

[amaya-143]

hello. part two of me ranting about the fear of memory loss in isat. is it that obvious i have autism?

part one was about the kings fear of forgetting. Go read. *clicks my fingers like a cat* go.

disclaimer not a psychiatrist blahh blahhhh u get the idea :p king rant was long, this will be longer. maybe one singular person is as normal as i am about this game and will enjoy. otherwise at least its out of my system and into words

So yeah, the king is afraid of forgetting. Siffrin, however, is afraid of being forgotten.

Siffrin, is late 20s, and just like the king lost the majority of their memories to the island.The people they loved, all that jazz i don't need to write the cinematics again. They too end up in an unfamiliar place, however they end up a rouge. They travel from city to city, never staying anywhere solid, never making any real connections for years (at least as far as we know.) To him, he is just a guy* who lost everything that they knew, and that's that. No point if it'll just happen again. In fact im not even sure if they're aware they're from that island, since I'm pretty sure he learns it ingame. He just exists. Thats it. Their life doesn't matter, doesn't impact anyone. He is forgettable

But then, they meet Mira, Odile, and Isa. Then Bonnie, and when things couldn't get more confusing, he loses an eye for them. The party loves Siffrin, even if they never say it pregame. They appreciate him. And even if Frin doesn't think it directly, they definitely subconsciously believe it pregame. Otherwise, it wouldn't be such a shock when odile says they're colleagues at best. So how can Siffrin go back to his old life? A life on the go, with no connections, nothing but the millisecond bumps into strangers and polite conversations with the clerk at the hotel desk. Nobody to come home to, no one to ask how their day was.

Its like trying chocolate after eating coco beans all your life. Maybe you can tolerate going back to coco beans for a bit, but you'll never forget the chocolate. It'll be something you think about all the time, your thought before sleep takes you, as tiktok would say your 'roman empire'.

So Siffrin cannot let them go back home. He wishes to stay with them. and thus, the loops happen.But after a bit he, quote, 'understands the king more than he'd like to'

He refuses to be forgotten, to have to go back to that life. They've lived the span of their memories being so blindingly forgettable, now someone, some people see them and its so close in his grasp. Isabeau is so close to confessing to him. Mirabelle is so close to her full potential as a housemaiden. Odile is accepting she's more than her roots. And Bonnie, the kid he lost an eye for, disabling him permentantly, HUGGED them. a massive deal for a fella whos been living off small talk and avoiding eye contact for the last 10 years. Just one more loop, if they do it all right then just maybe..

Not here to talk abt the loops. moving on.

After all these people who love him, they don't wanna be forgotten. Trauma isn't just a factor in disorders. Trauma can, and often does create its own reactions. For a real world example, Children who grow up with absent parents often react with avoiding and distancing tendencies, where as children with emotionally unstable parents tend to grow to be anxiously attached to those they love. These aren't disorders, but they are a reaction to the trauma faced and ingraned. Frin's fear of being forgotten is just as much a trauma response as it is a result of the way he lives. Who knows how many people Siffrin forgot in the island. What's stopping him from being like them? What's stopping him from being so forgettable.

Side note, act 5 is next to the Sunny vs Basil fight as my favorite two scenes in games, especially when it comes to imagining/reading about them in other characters povs other than the mains. And bigfrin is my absolute joy in the world. not sorry.

But after loops n loops of trying to prevent it, hearing off handed comments about how bonnie hates them, and how isa will say i love you to anyone except him, Sif's self worth is at an all-time low. They just don't have it in them anymore. They cant do it. we're looking at months of living the same two days over and over. Same lines. Same people. Same events. Years, if you're an insane person who does like 500+ loops. I think most people did like 70-150 though. Siffrin has been reliving this for so long he's begun to find comfort in it. It feels safe. Its boring, its insufferable, yes, but its SAFE. After suffering all those months, they're leaving anyway. They are going home. They will go home and forget Sif and it will all be for nothing. When Odile stops them from looping back, they strike. Either at themselves, or those they love. They would literally rather attack those they've gone through months of suffering just to spend more time with, or attack themselves time after time till it kills them. They'd rather it than risk them all leaving and forgetting him. I don't really have much more to say i guess i just ugh

i love act 5 i love bigfrin and if theres any writers reading this write some act 5 from other party members pov and you will get the juciest kiss.

if you read all this way, congrats!! i diagnose you with autism 💜

*guy is used as a unisex. i know the correct term for siffrin is fella. i went to gender school.

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 58: It Hurts

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share

Throughout the never-ending day I anxiously wait to hear the phone ring. When it finally does I snatch it up and prepare for the worst.

“Hello?”

“Verena! It’s Liam. We did it.”

I clutch my chest in relief. “No one was hurt?”

“Well, Mr. Changretta is much less alive than he was an hour ago,” Liam jokes lightly. “But no. No one was hurt. Your boss is fine and Arthur’s back. We’re all meeting for dinner in war-wic-chester.”

I hang my head to quit from laughing. “You mean Warwickshire? At Arrow House?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Your boss said to bring his boy with you.”

“I will do that. Tot ziens.”

“Tot ziens.”

It’s over. The vendetta is over. Charlie and Thomas can go back to Arrow House and no one has to keep looking over their shoulder for assassins. 

“Charlie!” I call down the hall and the schavuit comes running. “Get ready to go! You’re going home!”

He bolts to Thomas’ room and we both put together his bag. It makes me wonder if Thomas will actually try to spend time with him or if the servants will be the ones to entertain Charlie. We pack up my car and begin our journey north. I’ll call Uncle Colon later to ship the Bentley over to Brooklyn. It makes me guilty to think such a thing but I am not going to let Thomas’ gift go to waste.

“Do you really have to go?” Charlie whines from the backseat.

My grip on the wheel tightens. “I’m really sorry, Charlie. One day you might understand why. I will come by and visit sometime, I promise.”

Darkness falls by the time I pull into the driveway. Arrow House’s windows gleam warmly ahead and Charlie stares wide-eyed as we get closer. Outside I see Ada waiting for me.

“Hello, Charlie!” She greets as the young boy hops out and races for the door. “Your daddy’s waiting inside!” 

Ada doesn’t follow him and lingers next to me as I start to gather Charlie’s things from the trunk. Please, Ada. Not now. Let me have this night of relief with everyone and then I am gone. 

“I’m sailing over next week. You’re not waiting until then?”

I clench my jaw. “No, Ada. There’s no use stretching it out. I am not arguing it any further so please drop it.”

Ada groans and gently slaps her forehead. “Tell him! Tell him you love him! I’ll slap it into him if I have to!”

“No, Ada,” I retort firmly with a warning finger. “Just drop it. He goes for any other woman but me. Grace, May, Lizzie. Anyone else. He knocked up Lizzie, so now he will be attentive to her.”

Ada wants to say more but instead bites her lip and helps me carry the bags inside. Everyone’s sitting in the parlor while servants pass around enticing drinks. Charlie and Karl are off to the side playing. 

“Arthur!” I gasp when I see the familiar Shelby broer. “It’s so good to see you!”

He grins and raises a glass. “I’m still alive and kicking, Steenstra!”

Meanwhile my own broer sits next to Uncle Charlie and Johnny Doggs, no doubt hearing some very wild stories. Finn’s chatting with Bonnie and Isiah. Polly and Aberama seem to have grown on each other. Linda looks to have calmed down and Ada sends her own discrete message to me by passing me my own drink. The only one who is still bothered by my presence is Lizzie. Due to the pregnancy I hope she’s not drinking.

I hear footsteps enter the room and I don’t need to turn around to know it’s Thomas. The music is silenced and everyone turns to address him. Instead I choose to stare down at my glass of brandy.

“Oi! Before we eat, I’d like to say a few words,” Thomas addresses. “Last time we were all here, it ended badly. But now we’re in a happier place.” Thomas cuts it off and raises his glass. “That’s it, I’d just like to raise a toast.”

“Hold on.” Arthur holds up a hand and looks around at everyone as he sits up. “There’s a few words I’d like to say from the heart. And this time, you’re gonna let me finish, Tommy.”

His brother obliged, keeping his mouth shut for once. 

“As you all know, Arthur Shelby is dead. Because of that, Tommy’s offered me a way out. A new identity. Start a whole new life.”

Linda will like that very much. If Thomas offered this to his broer then there is no excuse why he should object to my own choice to leave.

“I’ve thought about it. Made a decision.” A smile slowly grows on Arthur’s face. “I ain’t fucking going nowhere.”

Some cheers echo throughout the room and others sit in silence. Thomas included. Alright, Arthur. You can keep yourself in this lifestyle. But don’t say that things will ever stay calm.

Arthur puts a foot on the coffee table and gestures to all of us. “Our enemies are dead, all of ‘em. I’d like to make a proposal that all of you, the Shelby Company Limited, insist that Tommy here takes some time off. Time you took a holiday, Tom. War’s over.” He raises his whiskey. “To peace.”

“To peace,” almost everyone echoes.

Thomas stays quiet and doesn’t make a move to drink. The same sadness from yesterday still paints his face. Oh, yes. Lizzie will adore it if he takes time off. She’s already smiling about it. Congratu-fucking-lations, Thomas.

Liam locks eyes with me across the room and he signals for the door. I give a quick nod and Liam gives the thumbs up. He stands up and we both start to take our leave-

“Verena, wait.”

Polly takes my hand and pulls me away into the kitchen. Not her too! Why can’t anyone just let me leave with peace and dignity?!

“I know I’ve been distant and I’m sorry.” She pulls out two chairs from the table and we both sit down. “Between my blasted headaches, Linda’s complaining, and Lizzie’s new pregnancy, I didn’t stop to think about how you pulled through this. How you stayed put together.”

I take another sip of my drink. “It’s fine. ‘S not the first time I had to travel alone.”

Polly shakes her head. “No, it’s not fine. Here. Let me read your future.”

She reaches for my hand despite my inner voice telling me to go. The kind woman means well and it brings me joy to talk with her again. But it’s too late now.

“Polly, I appreciate the thought, but the only premonition I expect to receive is from God.”

“And He will present it to me to give to you,” Polly insists. “Let’s see… Oh my.”

From the way she says that I can’t tell what whatever she sees is supposed to be. Good or bad? At this point I’ve lost enthusiasm.

“That dull? No surprise.” I push my chair out and start to leave. “Now please excuse me-”

“Verena. This is serious.” Polly keeps a grip on my hand.

I shoot her a look. “I’m not pregnant too, am I?”

She purses her lips at my bold remark. “No. It’s something else.”

I gulp down the rest of the brandy. “Does it mean life or death?”

Polly’s mouth presses into a line. “No.”

“Then I will wait for it.”

I pull away and march back to the hallway. 

“Your stubbornness to avoid challenging news makes you deaf,” Polly calls after me. “You cannot run away from this, Verena.”

Probably not. But I’m not waiting around here to find out. I ignore Polly’s premonition and walk up to Liam, who’s waiting impatiently by the door.

“Ready? If we get to the docks by morning-”

“Oi! Wait just a minute.”

No. No. No! I hear Thomas walk up behind me and he starts leading me into his office. Can’t Thomas take a fucking hint and see that I need to leave?!

“If you’re gonna be a while I’m having another drink!” Liam calls before I enter the office.

I might need one myself after this. Thomas shuts the door behind us and when I look up to face him there’s something in his eyes that makes me even more uneasy. Why does he have to look so good in that suit? I don’t know if I want to punch his lights out or- Damn it, Verena! Stop thinking about when you walked in on him in the bath!

“It’s settled. Michael and Ada will accompany you back to America. There you will help negotiate peace between us Englishmen and the Italians from Chicago.”

I squeeze against the wall as Thomas slowly walks past me to his desk. He pulls out a bottle and pours two whiskeys. Is that it? A quick goodbye and a drink for the road? Maybe I don’t have to worry so much after all. 

“And you? You’re finally going to rest?” I ask with raised eyebrows. “You’ve been carrying the world on your shoulders. Do as Arthur says, take some time off.”

Don’t think so crossly, Verena. Let him have this. Thomas deserves to have a halfway-normal life with his family. You can live out the rest of your life comforted by yours.

“And when I say time off, I mean it. No paperwork, no phone calls. You need to relax without working. Please tell me you’ll try to relax.”

At first Thomas waves it off but then wants to argue. “Verena-”

“Answer me.”

“Yes, love.” He gives in and hands me my drink. “Anything I can do for you, anything, just let me know.”

I take a swig and try to let the alcohol soothe me. “Alright, then. Spend more time with Charlie. He misses you. And remember to care for your new daughter.”

That’s all I can ask for now. If I can’t have Thomas’ love then I will see to it that his children do. Even if I have to order him to.

“We’re calling her Ruby. Ruby Shelby,” Thomas sighs and takes a sip of his own drink.

“That’s a pretty name. She’ll be a lovely girl.” 

Now Lizzie will probably take over and become Charlie's new mum. I’ve never seen her work well with kids but maybe she’ll change? I just hope she doesn’t prize her own child over Charlie.

“That’s all?”

I freeze. Those words. Those Goddamn words. The same ones I forced myself to ignore before Thomas went back to Grace. All of this could have been different if I hadn’t been so fucking quiet. 

“That is all, Mr. Shelby,” I stutter and regain a firm tone. “Enjoy your holiday.”

Get out get out get out! I put down the glass and pace to the door before any tears can form. Get out get out-

“If you have something to say then say it.”

Fuck. He’s not falling for it now. Thomas isn’t thick enough to ignore it again. He knows I’m not saying everything. Can’t he just let me go? Can’t he see I’m doing this to let him be happy? To save myself from any more heartbreak?

Still frozen midstep, I take a deep breath. “Actions speak louder than words. My neglect to object is my way of saying I want you to be happy.”

In the corner of my eye Thomas walks closer. I feel him grab my shoulders, turning me around to face him. His icy blue eyes stare me down and my heart seizes with fear. There’s that look again. Like he knows I’m hiding something. 

“And by that, would you say that you love me?” He whispers softly. “Look at me, love. Look at me. With God as your witness, look at me and tell me you don’t love me.”

His gentle tone paired with the tender yet heartless question leaves my mind crashing.

“Thomas. Please…”

“Say it.”

I shake my head to look away and hide the forming tears. “Don’t do this to me-”

“It’ll be quick and painless.” Thomas cups my shaking face. “Say it.”

“I- I… Oh Thomas!”

My body collapses and I fall back against the wall, turning away so I can hide my shame. Jesus, why is he doing this?!

“You can’t, can you?” I hear him ask. “‘Cause then you’d be lying.”

Snap! Something tugs in my brain and in a split second my jumbled nerves are replaced by ignited anger. I whip my head around to glare at Thomas’ blank, dumbass face with a look moeder would be proud of.

“Stop tormenting me! I can’t keep this up. I am not going to sob here like a pathetic child and listen to you belittle my heart any further!” I storm up to him and back him against the desk. “You might think that pushing me aside will spare my feelings. Well, the honest truth is it hurts, Thomas. It really hurts me to be treated like this. That is why I am no longer going to work from Birmingham.”

Thomas, still gaping at me with shock and fear painted on his face, stays silent as I march to the door. Happy now, Thomas? I’m probably one of the only women to ever walk away from you with this much dignity. How does it feel to be on the other end of shouting?

I tightly grip the door and give him one last glare. “Goodbye, Thomas.”

Thud!

The door slams and I strut down the hall, the clicking of my heels ringing throughout the house. If anyone else tries to stop me from leaving they’re going to be met with a first to their nose.

“Liam! We are leaving!” I bark, letting my voice echo through the house. “Now!”

My broer scrambles out of the parlor and meets me at the door.

“Finally ready? It’s really dark now and- Verena?” He does a double-take when he sees my tense face. “Zus? What’s wrong?”

“If I ever fall in love again, you have my full permission to give me a smack on the head,” I answer sternly as we step into the bitter wind outside.

Though I put aside my heart for you, Thomas Shelby, I am still human. I’m sorry, Grace. I will not be able to keep my promise to take care of them. It’s up to Lizzie now.

@meadows5

[pacifymebby]

I Just Ride // Chapter One

Danny's Girl

You listened with trembling fingers to the dial tone, the chirps of a phone ringing out at the other end of the line. You were barely holding back your sobs, you'd only managed to calm yourself down this much because you knew you would need to be able to get your words out if anyone answered the phone.

But nobody was answering the phone and you were running out of coins for the payphone. Running out of hope too.

"Hello?"

You gasped when you heard a mans low voice on the other end of the phone. You didn't know who he was, only that he wasn't Danny and it had been Danny you'd been desperately hoping would pick up the phone. Because there was no one on this earth you needed to hear, needed to see in this moment more than your Danny.

"Um... H... Hello.." you sniffled, "hi, is... Is d..."

"You alright sweetheart you ain't soundin very clear right now..." Said the man, he was speaking with a thoughtful kind of slowness, so calm it made you feel a little more calm yourself. It wasn't quite enough to quell your tears but it was enough to help you take another breath and speak slower, without stuttering.

"I need to speak to Danny... Is he, is he there? He told me if I needed to find him I should phone this number.."

"Oh," said the voice with a little sigh, "he did did he? Well I'm sorry sweetheart but if you wanna sweet talk your boyfriend you'll have to do it on somebody else's fuckin bill..."

"No!" You cried suddenly, a shrill choked sound escaping you and piercing Johnny's ears on the other end of the line, piquing his interest because suddenly you didn't sound so much like a girlfriend who wanted to rack up his bills, suddenly you sounded scared. Scared like a young girl in serious trouble.

"No!" You cried again, "please it's not like that it's not, I need Danny, I need..."

"Help? Yeah?" He asked you, thinking your fearful whimpers over in his mind. Wondering just who you were, wondering why you'd phoned his club in the middle of the night, what could have possibly happened to you to leave you so desperate and distressed.

"Yes!" You sobbed your panic catching up to you, another wave of tears choking you as you shook and cried into the reciever...

"Well alright sweetheart, Danny ain't here right now but I can get him for you, and I can come get you too, if you tell me where you are..."

Your heart plummeted at the news Danny wasn't there, that he wouldn't be coming to save you... That your only real option here was to put your trust in the hands of a random stranger, but what choice did you have? The only thing you did know for certain was that you couldn't stay here, alone, shivering in a smashed up phonebox whilst police sirens wailed two streets over. Trying you best not to cry because everybody knows that all the wrong men are drawn to girls in tears.

"Wha'da'ya say honey? You gonna tell me where you are, I'll come save you hey?" Asked the voice on the end of the line. There was something about his tone that sounded a little wiley, a little troublesome... That scared you. But there was something else too, something which drew you in... A softness you could sense, a gentleness. He was cooing to you down the line, trying to lure you in and as you blinked back your dewy tears you knew you had no other choice.

"Hey honey..." He said again, "you still there?"

And then you heard the dreaded pips beginning to go alerting you to the fact that you were running out of time. That if you were going to ask this stranger for help it really was now or never...

So without waiting a moment longer, your eyes squeezed shut in a panic, heart thudding in your chest, you blurted out the street name, hoping to god that your words made it through the line clear enough. And well if they didn't there was nothing you could do because no sooner had you choked out that last syllable had the tone flatlined and your call cut out.

As the line when dead you let the receiver fall and clatter against the machine, dangling limp from the coiled wire. You clutched your hand over your mouth to muffle your tears and then you sank down against the glass wall of the phone box all the way down to the floor.

You were wearing white, a delicate little babydoll style thing that you felt oh so stupid in now as you sunk down to the dirty floor and tried to swallow down your sobs.

It had been awful see. Your whole evening had been truly awful and you'd used your final dollars to call for Danny... Now you weren't even sure any good would come of that call after all.

You'd been working your close shift at a bar two streets away from where you were curled up on the floor now. It was a real dive of a joint, the kind of place that attracted what your mother way back home would have called "good for nothings" the kind of people your father would have shaken his head at and told you to pray for. "People like that y/n," he would have told you earnestly, "they've strayed too far from the lord and only a miracle will help them find their way back... For some of them you know, for some of them well, it's just too late..."

Well the scene you'd found yourself inadvertently caught in the middle of that evening had left you clutching your little gold crucifix necklace and uttering a prayer of sorts. You hadn't exactly been a good girl in a little while, but that night had seen you recite every word of the lord's prayer. Your voice is shaky and faithful.

See you'd left your parents home for the city, lured in by the glow of the lights each night, the clubs and bars, the people who seemed to be so different, more free... Your parents were good, salt of the earth small town people, law abiding, church going, god fearing citizens and whilst they'd always offered you love and shelter, you hadn't felt like you were really living... Hadn't felt like the life they were dreaming up for you, was any kind of life at all.

So you'd fled your tiny home town out in the sticks and moved to Chicago, found yourself a day job cleaning houses and snagged yourself some work as a barmaid for the nights. It was hard, exhausting even, but it was a taste of freedom you'd never had before and at least spending so long out of the house meant it was hard for you to really notice the abysmal living conditions in the roach ridden room where you were currently staying...

Now, two weeks ago you'd been sunbathing in the park close to your home, half asleep between shifts when you'd met Danny. He'd been reading not so far away from you and every now and then you'd caught him watching you over the pages of his novel. So you'd smiled at him, and you'd lowered your sunglasses to flutter your lashes the way you'd seen all the pretty girls on the silver screen do so many times before. That day you'd been wearing a little gingham two piece, your legs kicked back behind your head, your hair in two sweet little plaits hanging over your shoulders. Well, making eyes at Danny like that you'd felt like one of those pretty girls from the silver screen.

And when he approached you, stopped just in front of you and asked if he could photograph you for his college project, you'd blushed and cocked your head to one side. You'd felt so clever when you'd asked, "you say that to all the girls huh? Bet you've got a real collection..." He'd blushed and backtracked, tried to explain himself and you'd thought he was oh so sweet. You'd never met a college boy before and you felt so coy, so cool at the center of his attention as you'd spun him a slightly more mysterious, one which made your evenings spent cracking bottles of beer open for Chicago's most sleazy sound a little more glamorous.

Well, you didn't feel so glamorous now. Didn't feel so cool either.

In truth you felt real stupid and real helpless. The loneliness which had been creeping up at you slowly since you'd left home, really settling in tonight. It felt like a slap in the race, a real sharp stinging one. A cruel reminder that thanks to your own darn stupid actions, you were for the most part all alone in this unforgiving city. Hardly knew a soul.

If Danny hadn't have smiled at you that day in the park well, he was the only person you really knew and your little dates spent kissing in the park, holding hands getting all cute, they were as close to any kind of human connection you had had since you'd moved.

Without Danny you wouldn't have had a single number to call for help. Wouldn't have had anyone to turn to because nobody you shared that pit you lived in would have noticed if you didn't make it home from work.

No, in that moment, sitting on the floor shivering in your little white dress, you felt terribly terribly alone.

That's when you heard tapping on the glass. You looked up hesitantly, your heart soaring for a moment at the thought that perhaps this was some concerned citizen come to see that you were okay. You had after all been hiding in there now for awhile, and people would have been able to see your shadow curled up on the floor there...

You wiped at your tears hurriedly, trying to brush yourself up and stand, but when the stranger rapped on the glass again your heart plummeted and you shrunk away in fear, scolding yourself for giving yourself away so easily.

"Hey lady! Hurry it up there some of us got people to call, places to go, c'mon wha'da'ya doin in there?" They barked at you through the glass, their fist beating the door so violently that it shook and you whimpered, your eyes on the holes that had already been punched through. What would it really take for someone to make another?

So you stood quickly, scraping your knee on broken glass or a bottle cap or something as you tried to push yourself up onto your shaky legs and dust yourself down. You dabbed at your face with your dirty hands realising all too heartbreakingly late that all you'd done was smear dirty fingerprints across your cheeks and smudge your make up something awful.

"Wait your turn!" You tried to bark back, tried your best to be as loud and ferocious as you could so as to show this cold stranger you weren't to be messed with, but you knew when your voice cracked that you hadn't succeeded.

"God damnit lady get outa there!" They snapped back banging their fist on the glass once more.

Their temper startled you and you flinched back, your hand hovering over the door about to let yourself out. Your fear a stubborn lump in your throat you just couldn't swallow down. But then as they started rapping on the door again something snapped inside you, your temper flaring up because you really had had enough. After everything else you'd seen that night, the punches you'd narrowly avoided as you'd fled the chaotic scene in that smokey bar, this stranger poking and prodding at you, well it was the last thing you needed. It was more than you could handle.

So you drew in a deep breath and scrunched your eyes tight shut and as you barged out of that little telephone box you let out a scream of frustration loud enough to startle your stranger and see that they went stumbling back into a lamp post.

You wrapped your arms tight around yourself as you hurried forward, struggling to make a decent pace in your wedge sandals. You weren't exactly sure where you were going to go, knowing that you needed to stay on that street, stay close by so that if by some miraculous twist of fate Danny's friend (at least you hoped he was a friend) had come to save you, he would be able to find you.

You could hear whoever had been trying to get into the phonebox shouting at you from across the street, but you didn't look back to see the offensive hand gestures they were making. You were just glad they were only shouting. That they hadn't been some enraged lunatic with a gun they could start firing at you with. Those were the kinds of "crazies" your mother had always talked about. People you hadn't really believed in until three of them had started a punch up in your bar, smashing windows, firing shots, starting fires.

As you took shelter in a doorway and shrunk into the shadows you gazed across the street, your eyes set just above the rooftops, at the smouldering glow and the heavy smoke cloud which was still steadily rising above the buildings.

How long could a building like that burn for anyway?

You leant against the doorframe, the adrenaline of your little outburst already fading away, leaving you twice as lonely and twice as cold as before.

You'd left all your belongings at the bar when you'd fled, your little denim jacket and the purse which had had your house keys and your cash in it. That's why you'd been left with no choice but to phone Danny. Why you couldn't just go home.

And anyway, you didn't want to just go home. You were pretty sure you'd seen a man die tonight. You were pretty sure you'd seen hell open it's doors for a moment, the devils flames spilling out into the earthly world... How could you go home after that? No, you didn't just want Danny... You needed him. You needed the sanctuary of his arms around you, his kisses to your forehead. Though you weren't exactly sure he'd want to kiss you the state you were in just then.

What did it matter anyway, Danny wasn't coming...

Time dragged, every minute seemed to eek itself out longer than the last as you stood there shivering, tears in your eyes. You were doing your best to hold them in now, scared that another stranger could be even more cruel than the last, but every now and then one would spill over. Another salty streak of mascara and dirt trickling down your cheeks.

And that's when you heard it. Finally, after waiting so long alone in the dark. You heard the hum of an engine, the spitting thrum of a bike, and you knew it must be Danny's friend.

You saw the headlights warm as he turned the corner and began to slow down. He was looking for you. Heading for the phonebox which would probably now be empty. Your heart got stuck in your throat at the thought he might leave without you having seen the empty box and you dashed from your hiding place in a panic. A choked up little "hey!" Escaping you before you lost your voice.

Luckily for you that choked out little cry for help was enough for your stranger to hear you. For him to recognise your desperate tone, that sorry shake in your trembling voice. He left his engine grumbling but raised his hand to wave you over.

Something about the way he sat back on his bike, one hand resting in the pocket of his jeans, the other suspended in a still wave to you, seemed so calm and so cool that for a moment you didn't even question that the man who had come to your rescue was one of Those men... A biker... Another subset of Americans your mother had warned you about. Another kind of person you'd not yet encountered out in the real world...

"You Danny's girl?" He asked when you got a little closer. Close enough to see the grease on his hands and his jeans, to see the cigarette hanging idly from between his lips, the deep wrinkles in his forehead that told you he was much older than you... You hesitated. Stopped still in the middle of the road, your little white dress dirty and rippling in the slight night breeze.

"Uhuh..." You managed, your voice timid despite your best efforts to appear anything but.

The stranger turned his headlights on you and spotlit you and in that moment all his suspicions were confirmed. That you were very young, very naive, and very much in trouble deep.

"Well hey," he said, his eyes flickering over you, taking in the mess the night had made of you, "what happened to you?"

AN// this is kinda just a little intro I've had sitting in my drafts for so long... If you want me to tag you in future updates please let me know x

[sunflowermp4]

okay it's two am so it's time for me to talk about malcolm in the middle (2000-2006) and stanley winn who appears in like five episodes of season one to have intense homoerotic tension with francis (his roommate/best friend (???)) and then is never seen again. here is his character summary:

what if we were military school roommates. and i inexplicably decide to protect you from hazing and make an "informal agreement" where people call me your bodyguard and we have a specific arrangement about physical touch and i give you black eyes so you can ditch class. and i help you pull off your anti-authoritarian pranks even though i know i'll get in trouble too. and i ask for nothing in return except maybe weirdly homoerotic workout sessions. and also getting to express my own disillusionment with the system. and for the fact that i'm always in on the joke. and that you never ever lie to me. what if the only time i'm seen smiling is when i'm with you.

and then what if the one time i ask you to do something that i genuinely believe in. what if you lied to me to get out of it. and what if it was such a betrayal that i decided to disappear from the canon of your life forever.

and what if we looked at each other like this:

[dundykelevesconte]

hey guys. why does ned whimper like that when dundy says his name

[monarchisms]