#hell they were probably even worse
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every time i see false information about pirates i die a little inside, but at the same time it brings me joy that other people find interest in something i am so passionate about. in the end, as long as people are having fun writing about these high seas robbers, it doesn't matter if everything is historically accurate. why should I ruin their fun with correcting them? (but i still want to)
#hell even i don't include everything about pirates in my book. adding some PIZAZ is not the problem#it's passing off straight up lies as 'facts' that bothers me.#morana's maundering#pirates#piratical history#pirate fiction#scurvy brainrot#pirate history#reminder that most pirates were violent racists and misogynists. they were no different than your average man at the time#hell they were probably even worse#mary read and anne bonny didn't actually do shit#we don't know what blackbeard's real last name was. it could have been Thatch or Teach or Raymond or what have you.#most POC were still treated like second class citizens aboard pirate vessels#Zheng Sao wasn't fucking alive during the golden age of piracy stop saying she's the most successful 'golden age' pirate
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ive been wondering forever about when exactly levi was kidnapped and taken to the heaven lab and this bit from his new unit's board here doesnt help much but i wonder if those are just the first words he remembers learning and not the first words hes learned overall.
mainly this is all just speculation based on 2 things:
1) he ofc had some sort of childhood before the heaven lab from how old he looked at the time, plus his selfie comic art looking younger than his sprite art from ch5 (look at his little horns plus his hair's grown out)
2) he does also just say straight up that he doesn't remember his life from before the lab
i wonder if that means he had to get reacquainted with the kings all over again too. like he wouldnt recognize them at all even with how it looks like they often played together. (tho i do suspect a little that some comics might have been done before there was a more coherent story put together but thats whatever)
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#what in hell is bad#fun thought: itd be extra hurtful if the reason beel felt closest to levi was bc of them being close as young children#but levi remembers none of that + he doesnt trust anyone now anyways#i wonder if his friendship w/ them is less smthn he wanted after returning and more he Cannot get rid of them and theyre a package deal atp#extra extra thought: if the comics r still canon to the timeline then it looks like levi was always a little introverted#even liking his coffin before everything happened#and it just got worse afterwards bc then it was the only place he felt safe#wait one more#interesting how levi looks like he'd be around maybe 10-12 in the ch5 flashbacks#(tho considering the number they gave him hes probably been in there a long time)#and that age would be pretty close to the mc's age when their parents were killed by im suspecting gabriel or angels under his command#i wonder if they'll talk about that later#how the angels stole both (and more) characters' childhoods
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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes
#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought#that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made#easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway#so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in#but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse#even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders#to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting#worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING#THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD#i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing#i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact#its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt#yapping#adhd
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tbh i feel like the best case scenario for benrey would never include gordon stepping in as some kind of therapist or guide for him. neither of these people are good at communicating, ESPECIALLY not with each other, and realistically if that situation ever occurred they would end up exploding each other with their minds within the first week
#Which to be frank would be funny as hell . but it would not be good for them lol#i dont think anyone could be benrey's therapist (he is benrey) but like if anyone were to be of any assistance to him#it would be tommy and coomer. as the only two people who are 1. willing to put up with him#and 2. will not make him actively worse (i love bubby but Come on man. Come on man)#gordon MIGHT allow benrey to stay in his house (if only out of fear or acceptance that he just Isn't leaving)#but it would probably be a long time before he was even willing to say anything to him#and much longer before he was willing to talk about them being kinda fucked#i appreciate fix-it type stuff but like. these people are not going to be willing to communicate with each other#as soon as they meet again#Do whatever you want forever of course im just saying shit#hlvrai
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byan once full-on tackled a kid during a soccer game in gym and started just pummeling him in front of their whole class because he intentionally punted the ball at their head.
the kid in question had been tormenting them for months since they transferred to the school and, after an already shit day, they'd been at their wit's end. the ball hitting the side of their head was just the thing that sent them over the edge.
later that same day, they slammed his head into a locker because they got in trouble and he didn't, having claimed that hitting them had been an accident. they earned a week's suspension on top of their week's detention for this.
in the past, this boy had been one of the reasons byan would skip out on school, their anxiety and fear of what would be in store for them each day making them physically ill. he would hurl awful insults at them, pull incredibly meanspirited pranks on them with intent of causing embarrassment and sometimes harm, and sometimes took it as far as physical assault. somehow, he almost always managed to avoid getting in trouble for any of this.
the soccer incident was the final straw for byan. after that, they stopped trying to talk to any teachers or adults in general about what was going on and they took it into their own hands. violently. however, they never instigated, only ever retaliated — naturally, the kid was often able to make it seem like it was the other way around. byan's reputation only continued to get worse, and somehow, no matter how badly they managed to hurt him in return, he always came back with a vengeance instead of backing down and leaving them alone.
one time, they bit his hand so hard that he needed to get stitches. they earned themself a broken nose and a concussion for it, but to this day they hope he looks at that scar and remembers the pain and fear they caused him, even if it was only a fraction of what he'd put them through.
somehow, it wasn't until byan broke a mirror with his face that they were expelled from that school and finally got to move on to a different one. some part of them was vindictive enough to want to hunt him down and make his life miserable the way he made theirs, but there was an intense fear of seeing him again spurred both by trauma and the knowledge that he might not hold anything back while not on school grounds which ultimately stopped them.
#this is not very well written bc my brain is just. not doing great.#but i'm thinking about byan's experiences with bullying today for some reason#this was probably around 13 or 14 when their life was already hell. like those were their lowest years by far and somehow things only#ever seemed to get worse. even when they thought it couldn't.#it was also the time where they'd finally started dressing the way they wanted and they leaned wayyyy into cute femme looks which. you know#was absolutely part of why the kid tormented them so badly.#feel like the bathroom & gym locker room were probably where the worst of it happened.#ANYWAY. i'm depressing myself thinking about it too much lmao#i'm setting this down and slipping back off into my game.......#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.#bullying cw#assault cw#transphobia cw
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Does reincarnated Dipper ever go and work in medical? - as a doctor or nurse or pyschologist. I think that would be funny. I'm sure Bill would *looove* that.
He definitely could! Dipper does love helping people.
And it'd be delightfully frustrating for Dipper to try and navigate his chosen profession while hooking up with a guy who's into intestinal origami and mind-breaking. Bill might be knowledgeable, but he offers a lot of highly inadvisable advice.
#answers#Bill would probably try to be playful with it. All like 'oh doctor there's something wrong with me'#Wiggling his eyebrows. Grinning very wide. The problem is -#And Dipper interrupting. Oh yeah. Definitely. There's a *lot* wrong with you#You need to be sent to a mental institution immediately#Bill sits up at this point#Glaring as well. What the hell kid! I thought we were playing#And Dipper smirking.#Aw what's wrong Bill. Do you have *commitment* issues?#Bill is very >:( at the pun but respects the setup#He's gonna get him back for this one#There's also the fact that using life magic makes Bill urpy and sick#Dipper's going to have to work around that if it was one of his major tools in his job#That's a whole conversation right there#Though on rare occasions Bill would actually be useful! Especially for the rarer diseases or mental stuff#It's even *more* rare to get him to *not* make them worse
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watching a d.an and p.hil video from 2013 and i will admit... i miss that era of the internet and life fhdsfjkl it felt like so much was on the up and up and now all of it seems to be on fire and crash landing 😭😭
#honestly yeah i'd probably go back to being 12 if i could fdskl#it was hell being around family all the time and being a kid but like. life had hope back then still HFDSJKL which is SO AWFUL TO SAY BUT#.... KIND OF TRUE LOL#ever since i turned 19 or 20 i have felt like there is just No way for me to exist in the world#even when i was depressed and suicidal at 15-18 i still felt like maybe i could carve out some sort of life for myself fsdjfkl#really funny that i spent most of childhood being terrified of becoming an adult and now that im an adult im like. hrmm... i was right....#idk theres pros and cons to being a kid and being an adult but goddamn i think i was right to be terrified of adulthood fdjskl#also i miss when we weren't scared of The Literal Plague urgghghh and i feel like queer rights was moving in the right direction#now we seem to be backsliding on so much#obviously i know things have improved in some ways and were worse back then in some ways but idk fdjskl this is cringe LOL#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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also i do still love the idea of swapping claire and leon's re2 scenarios but i cannot help but think that the scene with sherry and chief irons would have been a LOTTT worse with leon instead of claire
#arry plays re2#like. the guy already barely held back with claire. he was fully ready to kill her if either her or sherry didn't do what he wanted#also the game takes place in 1998. i think he would have been a lot more liberal with the punches if it were leon instead#i think about this regularly actually. i don't know if the police uniform would make it better or worse for him#probably worse. idk from what i've seen from leon's campaign it does seem like he met irons before. probably when he got the job#idk if the recognition would do him much good though.#hm what to tag this.#idk if it necessarily warrants a tw?#idk re2 goes hard into the corruption and corporate greed side of things. idk about the original but its a HUGE part of the narrative#in the remake. i kinda wonder how much chris shared with claire about the events of the first gamw#probably not much. she seems pretty clueless about it all and he doesn't seem to have reached out to her like. at ALL#and neither has jill for that matter 🤔 oh man i gotta play re3 after this too#i know the remake for re3 wasn't that good apparently but there was something abt jill being suspended in that game#so she may not have seen chris' letter but i really don't know#iirc jill seemed pretty set on leaving the city too. she might have quit#which. i do Not blame her akdjskdjs i would quit too after that bullshit#anyways! :D good game so far. even with mr. x getting all up in my business#he can fuck off but like it was the only time i've been actually scared so far sodjskfjdknfd#i also love claire's little comments/insults towards the zombies akdjskfjsjf#'what the hell is up with you???' claire girl they're fucking dead#well. undead technically. still. that's what's up with them.#violence tw#yeah it does warrant the tw actually
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love watching weather science videos but like. why am i 1000x more interested in tornadoes over hurricanes. they're both spinning air
#we wanted to be a stormchaser when we were younger#nowadays we have to worry about our health too much to have such a risky high-stress high reaction time job#been watching nothing but tornado history videos for days it's one of our intermittent special interests#stemming from the weather science workbook we OBSESSED over as a kid#would read that thing cover to cover multiple times a week. i was the kind of autistic who would read the Encyclopedia for fun#i actually had a fave encyclopedia entry as a kid and now i cannot fucking remember it 😭#i also learned what sex was through the encyclopedia 😭😭😭😭 was legit my first exposure to the concept#but like even though we watch A TON of weather videos including tons of stuff about thunderstorms and blizzards#(thunderstorms my fucking beloved. favourite weather pattern ever. cumulonimbus my bestest friend <3)#most of the videos we watch are mostly tornado videos. and hurricane videos feel boring to us#even though hurricanes are wayyy more powerful#tornadoes are still fucking powerful it's just more. concentrated#tornadoes to me feel Targeted like. that's weather that says Fuck YOU in particular actually#especially multivortex tornadoes where you can literally have two houses both in the middle of the storm at once#and still only one of them gets destroyed#or like pictures you can see of demolished houses with their mailbox in the yard simply untouched#i like to watch tornado videos bc they help me. prepare. just in case#our state gets hit with tornadoes pretty frequently though not as much as tornado alley#and i like to know all the information for sheltering and what to do in the event of a collapsed building and such#i have a little survival kit in the bathroom just in case with like basic first aid and a radio and bottled water#bc thats probably the safest room for me to be in since it's not near any external walls and also hiding in the tub is usually good#also in the event you're caught on the road during a tornado#DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE shelter under a bridge or overpass#those work basically like straws where as the air gets pushed through it goes MUCH faster and gets dangerous way easier#as far as im aware the best place to be is in a ditch or hole if you absolutely cannot find a shelter in time#if you do not have a car with roll protection then being in your car will probably be worse#NOT AN EXPERT THO pls verify this information on your own if you think it is relevant or necessary i have poor memory and can be stupid#i just know that overpasses are dangerous as hell
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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I saw your post about your gender feelings. Hang in there, bud.
If it helps, I was once told that no cis person ever questions "what they are", they just are. I get the imposter syndrome though, and the disconnect between your day to day and a small haven of peace where you can be yourself. I come from a conservative background, without any of the queer influences I enjoy today.
We're constantly growing, constantly learning new things about ourselves; I think that's part of the journey of being queer, rather than any indication you don't belong or aren't queer enough. You have a significant added challenge in exploring too and I hope one day they're gone. Much love and solidarity to queer Russians. 💜🤍💛💚
Already was on the brink of tears and now am crying, mate
Thank you, that thing about cis people not questioning kinda helped actually. I was told same about mental health issues (at least those can be confirmed with a paper and a stamp, huh). So i guess yeah. True. It's just the terf rhethoric about being confused and actually just seeking a way around patriarchy and all that bullshit that gets under my skin.
I'm happy you're free from those things in your past though, gonna live out my gay dreams through you and your art then, lol <3
I think another thing that is gnawing at me is that I am actually priviledged (and/or lucky). I had a lot of queer experiences that many other queer people here are absolutely robbed of. So it feels as if I'm kinda taking what they deserve more. Or that I can't be grateful enough for being able to have these things while others can't because I'm out here not even knowing what I am.
Anyway. Love wins. And we're here, proud and queer.
Love you 1969 times, thank you.
#juju's replies#on-a-lucky-tide#gonna come back to this a lot probably#also not me reaching for my cigs every time you mention nik's homophobic background in your works#although. i kinda like to imagine he was there in the heart of the soviet queer scene sometimes.#fun fact: for some reason my very homophobic mother was the one who showed me some “gay spots” here in moscow#i have no idea how she even knew#i mean like spots queer folks were gathering at like in the 80s#sorry i ended up ranting below in the tags you don't have to read it i really appreciate your support mate#you're a real one#my queer experience is so fucking weird mate. i literally used to kiss girls out in the broad daylight few kilometers away from kremlin#but had to invent hiding spots for the pride flag and socks my friends gifted me so that mum wouldn't throw them away (she still did)#also i think my dad knew despite me never mentioning it??? he just casually dropped something like about my “boyfriend. or girlfriend”#never elaborated#and i found out my sister was queer FROM HER GAY FRIEND#AS WE WERE OGLING TRAINERS IN A ROCK CLIMBING HALL WE WENT TO TOGETHER#and he was drooling over the guy. and i was over the girl. and he was like ��oh so it runs in the family”#i was like ??? my sis literally never said anything we just started exchanging gay memes#everyone at school knew what i was and yet i still had to make my fairy tales only queer coded to avoid getting taxed for “propaganda”#it's just constant cognitive dissonance#but i do still have it so so so much easier than other queer people here#hell even people i went to school with had and have it worse than me#so not like i have much to complain about#gotta get a grip and fight for them#thank u.
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when I think about Geto Suguru i want to kill and torture him when I think about Mimiko and Nanako I want to kms. You give me twins who went from physical abuse to being in a cult and you don't even give them the grace of the guy who is basically Their Dad But Worse dying while they're alive? You just kill the bc. Fucking. Idk they fed him some fingers. You don't let them live without their fucking garbage dad who I want to kill and torture? You waste their potential? You waste the girls who could be really fascinating parallels to Maki and Mai? Twins with similar name schemes who suffer extreme abuse and their abusers are all massacred by one person- but while Mimiko and Nanako are everything to each other, Maki and Mai were pitted against each other and only able to connect at the last possible moment? Mimiko and Nanako were saved but Maki was saved by Mai, and then had to save herself??? I'm going to start killing innocent people at random.
#Suicide ment#You do this to me? You give me girls who were raised in a cult and exited on traumatic terms (their fucking father who was the cult leade#Died and left ALL OF THEM ALONE) and they have no one but each other? And you don't give them the space to grow and reconcile not only thei#Earlier trauma and also the fact their father WAS A CULT LEADER. like is Geto their dad? Yes. Does he think of them as his daughters???#Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't think so tbh!!!#I think he sees them as sorcerers first people second and that's. Uoouhjojhghhhhhh. Knowing yr dad only saved you becuase you were sorcerer#Like... Maybe he would've saved them even if they werent. But he probably frames Them Being Sorcerers as the most important part of them#God yeah they internalized his awful eugenicist beliefs but also. Genuinely. They kind of had to. He was their fucking father#He raised them fed them gave them shelter. Can you fucking speak up against that? Maybe he wouldn't have punished them but.#He fucking murdered a village. Do they know if they're safe? I'm going to throw up. I fucking hate Suguru I'm going to lose my mind.#Fuck megumi IDC about what happens to him I just want Sukuna dead and in hell for what he did to them.#I need Suguru to experience an eternity of pain for what he's done. I'm going to kill myself. Mimiko and Nanako deserved better. Anywyas#Suguru: haha I hate this guy. I wanna get a Suguru plus and crucify it lol#Mimiko + Nanako: my real life mental illnesses are getting exponentially worse
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remarkably not okay overall really but at least there's my little video game guys
#my brother. who is an asshole. just got dxed with fibro#none of us were even aware he had any pain other than a repetitive strain injury and like. idk. i'm skeptical#but obvs that would make me a monster#and our mom probably has it so it's not that surprising#but also he has always been doubtful and treated me like shit and fakes shit etc etc#and just generally is as previously mentioned an asshole who loves invalidating others' mental and physical health issues#anyway yes. doing bad#scared of how he'll treat me going forward#now that he can I Have Fibro Worse Than You/I Have An Excuse To Bully You#(also tired of going through fucking hell to get dxed and then my siblings just. say they're kinda achey and get the dx immediately. lmao)#anyway yes remarkably petty but sometimes first children really are the first pancakes of the batch#txt#lacevent#(and obvs current events but. i don't owe anyone shit on my thoughts on that. that's for therapy. xox)
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#twitter repost#i guess its probably not THAT controversial i think i just really wanted to get that off my chest#xxxholic#i guess#no but like even tho mostly the quality was incredible the fact they basically were like HAHA ASSPULL and then dipped soon after is so..#i think im even a couple chapters behind and im not even rushing to catch up on them cause it burned me so bad#also cause its clamp im like. they can and will get worse sometimes with their weird shit and i cant trust that they wont#in fact holic is a funny one cause altho im less familiar with other series i know full well holic is one of their least Messy™ ones#iykwim#obviously thats not an inherent metric but like holic is usually nonsense free but i will never stop giving clamp bombastic side eye after#parts of the og ending and MOSTLY the fakeout alt universe mystery arc turning into an irrelevant fetch quest like#how do u produce media so perfect and then do that#and its also so long past tsubaholis main writing period so its like who cares??? why now???#especially cause it was like boom hiatus#anyway thats the main reason u never catch me rereading rei much at all#like i dont have an encyclopaedic knowledge of it solely cause the twist outcome pissed me off and made me so fckin nervous for the future#also im just worried now the movies done theyll be like oh we wrote 2 chapters ajd back to hiatus good riddance!! like#I've seen the digital fear struck into the eyes of x fans i wouldnt put it past them#anyway im still excited but god damn am i nervous and fucking suspicious as hell#sigh#why cant we live in a no fakeout more interesting arc ender world where also they decided to not pull a teacher student age gap 'ship'#ship in quotes cause they obviously dont fcking love each other#but clamp is SOOOOO addicted to that trope they wanted to mess with it a little like a cat with yarn even if its non romantic#like they were like we r a thirsty flower if we dont do something problematic even as a plot contrivance with no romance we will dieeeeeeee#one day i when holic is public domain (yeah im gonna live until like 500 im so cool like that) i will release hit doumeki movie#not trying to be a hater btw they do great work but damn if those ladies dont make me nervous as hell for where this whole thing could go#or if they even wanna finish it
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I have genuinely no fucking clue what we're gonna do about our sleep schedule because we'd have to go to bed at like 8pm tomorrow to get a reasonable amount of sleep before waking up and heading to the hospital on Wednesday and that sure as shit isn't happening because we can't seem to get to sleep before like 2am. we are well and truly fucked but like, what else is new
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I hate being stuck in a situation where literally our only option is to completely wreck our sleep schedule#while also having to deal with a bunch of our worst phobias#and since we're not allowed to eat after like 2am on Wednesday and won't be able to eat until fuck knows when#we're also gonna be hungry as hell which is gonna make us feel really ill and fuck up our emotional regulation even more#y'know... on top of our emotional regulation being fucked up from not getting enough sleep and sleeping at the wrong time#and being told we're not allowed to eat is really triggering on top of all the other shit#and it's just the perfect fucking combination of shit for making it way harder to deal with triggering situations#which is not great when we're spending the whole day in one of the most triggering situations you could put us in#and it kind of feels like nobody's really grasping how bad of a combination this all is for us#like I understand why you have to fast and I get that the surgeon only works certain hours#but it would be really nice if someone could at least recognise how much that's going to fuck us up#and maybe offer some sympathy even if they can't do anything about it#and also it would have been great if the surgeon didn't sound really dismissive about one of our phobias#while we were in the middle of having a panic attack during the consultation with him#like I get that he probably just didn't know what to say#but his response mostly just made us feel a lot worse about how the staff are going to handle us having medical trauma
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today is the last day of one of the hardest and heaviest years of my life (i.e. my first year in this job) and also the last day of me being contractual / contingent (i.e. not a permanent employee which has been fine but also fucked me up just in the wording of it). i don’t think the horrors will relent just yet but i hope so sincerely that they ease soon and that this next year will be kinder and less turbulent and that i will be stronger for what i experienced this year
#purrs#it’s like emotional a little bit. i keep crying. im proud of myself and im also so frustrated that this year was so hard and that there isnt#an end in sight to the hardness and that actually in some ways it’s only going to get harder. but like yeah. i survived this hellish year.#it MOST CERTAINLY wasn’t all hell though like there were some really good and important things that happened. but one year ago tomorrow was#the (known) beginning of one of the worst things ive ever experienced and im so lucky i haven’t experienced worse things but it was… pretty#fucking terrible. and it’s emotional coming up on the anniversaries like im going to be such a wreck next wednesday lol and like the entire#rest of july. but im proud of myself for surviving it even though i have not healed from any of it and am watching with horror as the wound#widens and gets infected and whatever lolllll. i just have to keep telling myself im here for a reason and all of this was supposed to hapen#and i can handle it. but the number of times i want to burst into tears every day im in the office is….. not great and i probably should be#medicated about it LOL. but i made it through one year. i can do things like that and survive. that’s cool and important to know. 🥲#delete later
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