#held in a fog
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Held in a fog, 2024
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There’s no way Jayce came out of the fucking Infection Dimension perfectly healthy except for his leg (and his mental health)
He had an open wound on his back before he even went in!! and then the one we saw on his leg! (which was broken in fucking half!!) like did y’all see how thick the fog was?? He was breathing that shit in for months!! That man was probably dying!!!
#we should have seen him take a pause in his speech to cough for like thirty minutes#what kind of fucked up cocktail of gas was in that fog bro#like The Gray and every other drug smog gas from the factory’s mixed together with fucking magic#how much crazier would the Jayvik parallels be if Jayce had coughed up blood at some point#still crying over how much weight he lost#my baby…#did he even get to see his mom before he and Vik disappeared?#did he get to hug her?#tell her he was sorry and that he loved her?#did she get to make him his first hot meal in months?#did she hold him while he cried?#did she even know he was back before he was gone again?#imagine being Ximena and your son shows up at your door after being missing for months over half a year#and he’s lost weight his hair is grown and unkempt and he’s covered in scars and he has a brace on his leg which is clearly injured#and he cries in your arms when you hug him like he hasn’t since he was seven#and you tell him to come in to eat to tell you what happened and if he’s okay and he tries but none of it really makes since to you except#the grief. the grief you can understand you lost your partner after all you know what that kind of grief looks like#and after you’ve feed him and held him and took care of him he leaves again to try and save his partner and then you never see him again#and you’ll never know what happened to him and his partner#but all you can hope for was that he was able to save him and where ever they are their together#I am spiraling over Ximena Talis right now in the tags of my mostly jokey post#I love the Talis’ so much#jayce talis#ximena talis#I’m tagging her because of the tags#it is 11 at night I have a cold and I am spiraling about the Talis’ right now#and just like Jayce should have been I am coughing like there’s no tomorrow
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Liam’s twitlongers were probably my second fav things after his funny tweets. The one I’ve always held dear to my heart the most is the one he wrote after Zayn left the band. I’ll never forget how he was always the first to step up and comfort us.
I’ve tried reading it all these days but either the link is not longer working or my phone is stupid. If anyone has a post with the full version or something like that, please let me know
#I regret not reblogging much back then so bad#I could have a better archive but instead I have most of it in my memories#which are inevitably going away because the fog after grief is real friends#I’ve seen my brain lose so much in the last 6 years#anyways#I think remembering Liam by his words is one of the most cherished things I’ll have until it’s my time to go#I know he like me struggled with finding the right thing to say or the right moment to say but I never never held it against him#he deserved so much more sympathy from the early days and it breaks my heart that that’s something that only got worse with time#I love you lima bean#Remembering Liam Payne
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what if who did this to you part 4 is tinged in the pale blue of max klinger’s l‘heure bleu and what if it’s so liminal it doesn’t feel real because the after never does when you don’t even know the before, and what if robin turns into a caspar david friedrich painting and what if steve becomes the blue that depressed robin but she loves him anyway and what if i just lose my mind about them
#seriously just. man the world is ending. and there are monsters. and eddie doesn’t know shit about any of that. but he feels this fear that#is palpable and he sees the way robin looks at steve and he sees the way steve lets himself be held#despite the broken ribs despite the bruises like he’s used to bone crushing hugs when his body is already crushed#he should flinch he should wince and eddie’s witnessing and telling a story he’s not even a part of#so what if it all goes blue but it’s the wrong shade it’s the sad shade it’s the liminal shade that traps eddie in this moment#so what if i go insane about how far removed eddie is from everything and still he sees it all but he has no way to come to the right#conclusions and tell the correct story. so what if the narrator is not part of the story he tells. so what so what so what#who did this to you#who did this to you part 4#also everyone look at the paintings: l‘heure bleu and wanderer above the sea of fog#these paintings are what my soul looks like (when i dissociate) (which is often)
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#i wish that i grew up with close friends#i want the classic small town friend group that you see in tv and book and shit#people that i can be real with#im so fucking lonely right now and it sucks#i feel like the only thing i do is yearn#i dont want to be defined by my want#but its one of the only real things i feel on a daily basis#its something that pierces through this endless fucking fog that i live in#i just want a true friend#how pathetic huh#and i have to keep this shit bottled up#i cant be real with anyone at all#it grates on me so fucking much#and i missed out on e v e r y t h i n g it feels like#i think i just want to be a child again. but like a girl this time#i hate being alone#i want to be held#i want hands running through my hair and i want to snuggle up to someone#and isnt it fucked up that this is all me?#theres no fucking outside factors i dont think#i was just born fucked up. a mistake#uselss good for nothing waste#i wish i wasnt such a fucking coward so i could vent in other ways. sorry any moots who sees this#yeah whatever. goodnight tumblr
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Is there a word for this?
The urge to disappear and reappear the same way sky becomes water and water becomes sky— but far less romantic. I think I might be rain that floods. A fog that won’t lift. Frost that bites.
This is not the poem I wanted to write.
It’s the one that forced its way out. I am trying to express something that is stuck in my throat. I purge a few words, regurgitate softness like my life depends on it. Maybe it does. I do not know
the word for this. All I know is how unnerving it is to be everywhere and nowhere at all. To be air in the time of held breath.
- Cora Finch
#poetry#stress#tension#held breath#unnerving#purge#writing#depression#becoming#elements#water#air#brain fog#life right now#my writing#cora finch#heartsongs#poem#409#Is there a word for this?
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absolutely adoring ds3 so far, but why do i have to do so many opaque quests to keep my beloved friends from suffering hamsteresque deaths
#disclaimer i know it adds to the despairing flavor of ds3#i just think its funny how everyone is being metaphysically held atop a pool of hungry sharks at every moment. its a world full of solaires#my sister and i right before we approach a fog gate: ok real quick is ANYONE in immediate peril right now
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Try to override the crushing DREAD by piling on CUTE OTP THOUGHTS to lessen the suffering of insomnia. It wont help but it might make it a little more bearable for a few hours
#my blood itself feels like fog rn and im seeing shit#brain be like Ur Dying one moment and then But What If They Held Hands (ur stil dying) the next
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there's this one photo I've seen floating around a few times with the words "I wish we could've met as kids, you would've loved the softer me" and I think about it every now and then
so ... art ʅ(๑ ᷄ω ᷅ )ʃ
#''what if they met as kids'' AU basically djdkskl#also i discovered this rly fun music album and was listening to it while working on this fjdksl its called Portrait by The 5th Element !!#theres this one rly weird song on it fjdkdl I assume theyre american bc its like uhh. that one american thing. declaration of independence?#idk fjfkdl i think thats what that is. no idea though im not american SHSJSKL#ANYWAYS GOOD ALBUM besides that one part of the medley song but even that is kind of a fun melody to it#BUT YEAH. meeting as kids. i want to explore the concept a little more fhfkdl#i think it'd be sweet to explore them being friends and going on adventures and OH GOD im just turning Guz into an OC now arent i... OOPS#OH WELL. INTO THE REALM OF OOC WE GOOOOO BRAVELY MARCHING INTO THE FOG DJDKDL#HE'S NOT AN OC HE'S STILL THE SAME CHARACTERRR IM JUST SQUISHING HIM AROUND LIKE SILLY PUTTY AND SEEING WHAT HAPPENS#THE ONLY ISSUE WITH THIS. is that i would need to remember what i was like as a kid. but i do not hold those memories fjfkdl#those are held by another part of the brain. ACK!! good thing i have imagination and can make shit up based on childhood report cards LMAO#dandyshucks#junebug 🪲#dandy doodlebugs#💜so good at being in trouble#MAYBE KIND OF A WEIRD POST FOR A SELFSHIP BLOG. idk if anyone else has done this. BUT ITS MY BLOG I GUESS#boldly going into the unknown... excelsior!!! onwards and upwards!! new AUs and ideas to explore!! lots of fun to be had!!#💜a boy and his bug🪲
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💗 slow kiss / gentle kiss / inevitable / soft
Hiya Middy! Long time no see!! I hope life has been kind to you 💜💜💜
lol we're thinking on the same wavelength today @coldshrugs 😂 :>
anyway. This was supposed to be a snippet. It...did not end up being a snippet omg, it really got away from me kdlfhgjkfdhgk. It's 3:40 in the morning and this is the first piece I've (more or less) finished in like 3 or 4 months. It's just under 1,300 words. Set a few weeks after the big Endwalker finale, so vague mentions of what happened there.
[prompt meme]
nascent hope & new beginnings
The uneven rhythm of O’ravi’s cane tapping on the cobblestone announces her presence before she emerges from the early morning fog that blankets Sharlayan, and Aymeric sets aside the report he was reading, its contents immediately forgotten.
She’s starting to look like herself again, a clarity in her eyes now that’s been absent since her return from Ultima Thule. The silver and teal shawl she’s wrapped around her shoulders clashes somewhat oddly with the dark red tunic dress she wears, which in turn contrasts with the royal blue ribbon that holds her hair in a loose ponytail. It’s a far cry from the well-coordinated outfits she wears for business and battle, but it suits her.
O’ravi smiles, a little lopsidedly, a little shyly, and waves. “Hey.”
“Good morning, Ravi.” He can’t help it—he runs to meet her, and offers his arm. “You’re up early.”
“The pain was too great to stay in bed. So I thought I might as well seek you out, enjoy the fresh air.” She moves to link her arm through his but pauses, a strange look on her face. Instead, she reaches up to grasp his collar and tugs.
Wordlessly, and with no small amount of confusion, he acquiesces to her wish and leans down.
And softly, sweetly, feather-lightly, she presses a kiss to his lips.
She withdraws before he realizes what happened, content. His heart lurches like a wounded animal within his chest, his breath suddenly shaky, and she winds her arm through his as if she didn’t just send him reeling.
He can’t bear to look at her, he can’t bear to look away. The kiss in Ala Mhigo, before she set out for Garlemald—when she’d kissed him like her survival depended on it only to flee for the airship. That was moons ago, and they’d not spoken of it yet. It was never the right time.
Now, this. Against all the odds she defeated Meteion and Zenos and made it home alive, and she could’ve gone to anyone—could’ve sought out anyone she wished—but she chose to be here. With him.
Halone have mercy.
They walk together down the garden path back to the pavilion. Her gait is unsteady and torpid, but between him and the cane she’s at no risk of falling. It frustrates and distresses her to be so robbed of strength, but he’s just glad to see her up and about and alive. Safe, and free.
There’s a chill on the breeze, carrying the promise of snow and the memory of home. The long walks they took through the Pillars on the eve of battles she didn’t believe she’d return from. He lays a hand over hers, letting her clammy hands soak up his warmth. Soon, they’d go home together, and never again would she need to leave fearing what fate awaited her in far-off lands. Not if he had anything to say about it.
They make their way to the bench where Aymeric left the report, and O’ravi attempts to fold her legs beneath her only to cringe and hiss when the motion aggravates some half-dozen different wounds.
“Careful,” Aymeric says, settling down beside her.
“It never gets easier.” She leans the handle of her cane into the corner of the pavilion wall, careful not to knock it over lest its clattering disrupt the morning quiet. Her tail swishes placidly as she shifts to close the distance between them, ensuring that her arm rests against his and her leg likewise touches his.
He raises his hand slightly in silent offering; without hesitation, she twines her fingers through his.
“Aymeric,” she says, so softly it’s almost a whisper, “what do you think happens now that the Final Days are over? No more Ascians, no more Garlean expansionism, no more Hydaelyn and Zodiark…”
“Years of rebuilding, to start with. No nation was spared the destruction the blasphemies and towers wrought—in every corner of the world, entire communities were wiped out, the population slaughtered or turned, to say nothing of the state of Garlemald. We must needs—”
O’ravi laughs. “No, no, no, I meant: duty and the wider world be damned, what do you want for your future?”
Ah.
He blinks stupidly, trying to cobble together an answer. “I’ve not put much thought into it, to tell you the truth.”
In truth, that is a flat-out lie. Of course he’s thought about it. But what he wants, what he longs for above all else—he cannot ask that of her. What if the request hurts her? And, perhaps it’s selfish, but what if her answer hurts him? Their friendship is too important to take the risk. No, he will hold his tongue.
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” she says, and while her smile is tender there’s a knowing look in her eye that he can’t withstand. “Just think about it for a while.”
He never has been good at lying to her. His one consolation is that she’s just as bad at lying to him.
“What of you? The world is yours now, your life is your own again. What will you do with it?”
“Well.” She straightens her spine, ears twitching excitedly, and her smile takes on a mischievous edge. “After all I’ve done, I have more than earned the right to live as I see fit. I’ve earned the right to put duty and responsibility and reputation aside—and I know someone else who has earned the same.”
“We do owe much to your fellow Scions and Warriors of Light.”
“No, Aymeric, I mean you.” She takes his other hand in her own and squeezes. “The future is ours now. Ours to shape, ours to live. After all we’ve bled and suffered and sacrificed, we need to do something for ourselves. Just this much at least.” She leans towards him, and he has no choice but to meet her gaze. “You give and you give and you give of yourself until you have nothing left. The world takes and it never gives back, and before you know it you’ve lost yourself. I know this is happening to you because it happened to me, too. You have to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say, this is mine, this belongs to me, and the world can’t touch it. Aymeric, may I tell you what I want for the future?”
The light is glinting off the gold veins that mar her eyes. Her sincerity is painful to behold.
“Of course.”
“I want you to find yourself again. I want to find me again…and I want us to do it together. I want us to walk into the future together, hand in hand, side by side. Whatever paths we walk going forward, I want us to walk them together until the end of our days.”
“I…”
By the Fury, how is he supposed to answer that? How is he meant to—?
His heart is racing, and she’s watching him with such an innocence, a kindness that’s driving him mad.
Her wish answers the question he couldn’t voice. Yet it still leaves some things up in the air, namely: will they continue to keep a distance between them? Pretend Ala Mhigo never happened and remain friends and naught more?
A deeply foolish thought—he knows what the answer to that is, even if he won’t admit it—but nonetheless…
O’ravi raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “What say you, my brilliant blue knight?” His thoughts are spinning too rapidly to be trusted now, so despite the fact he’ll likely regret it later, he follows the impulse of his heart and kisses the scar that cuts across the bridge of her nose. Let that be answer enough.
#i slammed this out in one night so it is nowhere near as polished as what i usually post#if i allowed myself to edit it it would never get posted SO#no editing we die like dragoons using elusive jump during the titan boss fight#well i mean. i'll probably edit it tomorrow afternoon but. for now we're not playing that game GKJHDFLGKJ#don't judge me don't look at me it's 3am and this held me hostage even as my brain's ability to words sputtered out T^T#we are NOT main tagging this it is TOO SILLY#i might be cringe but i am freeeeeee baybee#i will probably rewrite the end later but for now it is good enough#i decided not to let the perfectionism win and prevent me from writing + posting this so if it's messy that would be why lmao#i will fix it later for now we are floating in the goofy pool and crying into our hands !!!#o'ravi soltholia#rogue writes#o'ravmeric#OKAY BYE IM GONNA SLEEP NOW BEFORE THE ANXIETY CAN CATCH ME 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#endwalker spoilers#really really vaguely??? idk but just to be safe#HELPPPPP#is this even coherent? idk but i had fun writing it. that's the important part#and considering the migraines and pain and brain fog I've been in lately im amazed i was able to write at all#so. even if this sucks i created something so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED#thank u for the asks besties 💕 it really did help clear the brain fog a lil#also for the record this is my first time writing shippy stuff that isn't pre relationship or It's Complicated so. yay!!!!!#the only other shippy stuff ive written was shepard and kaidan angsting about shepard's death so this is new territory for me 😂
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Whats with the tender embrace
#Yakuza liveplay#kido fucking shoved yasuko into kiryus chest and he caught her in his arms#then she just held him back and they held a little conversation like five inches away from each others faces#i was half expecting their breath to fog in the cold but i guess that would be too intimat#thinking about kiryus hot breath billowing out like smoke in the winter air ..... lizard mode
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does anyone wanna hear about the dream i had last night huh huh
#uhm cw body horror and like. excessive violence ahead#honestly i'd forgotten abt it until i saw the post i made mentioning it again💀#i wanna talk abt it cause it was CRAZY#but i'm not lying when i say it was visceral and graphic and grosss so so gross#i don't remember it as well now cause like i said i'm kinda used to this shit so it doesn't weigh heavy on my mind or anything#but my dreams have been so VIVID lately so it was just kinda jarring#anyways#it was like. i was watching a movie?#except i didn't like explicitly feel like i was in the dream but like. if my soul was kinda just kicking it watching a movie with someone#if that makes sense#idk who i was with i think it was a just a general person tm#and the movie was like. a group of girls who had to get something to complete some kind of mission? like they needed something to finish a#goal idkthat part wasn't rlly the most memorable thing to me#what WAS memorable was that they killed a man. specifically:#one girl like had her legs wrapped around his neck while suffocating him with a clear plastic bag. so u could see it fog up and him scream#and stuff. and then they ripped off the skin on his chest and stomach? like they skinned him alive ? while he was being suffocated#idk where my brain gets this stuff#anyways. they weren't even skinning him with something sharp. they held something dull to him so hard and pressed and pulled so hard that i#just up and ripped the skin and some muscle off#i guess they needed the skin and muscle for something. and like he fell unconsious and bled out on the floor with the blood splattered bag#on his head still. rip guy#and the girls were covered in blood but kinda just continued their business. and were like observing the skin and muscle#like it was all bloody and the muscle strings and fiber and stuff..idk i'm not a doctor#and then one of the girls ate some of the muscle idk why she did that#and then they went to give the shit to wherever they were taking it for whatever reason. but the worst part to me was that whoever i was#watching the movie with was rlly upset and said#'this is just so upsetting because there was no reason for him to suffer and die like that'#and then i woke up!#so i think i'm unwell! or that i'm not taking to my new meds very well#who's to say
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we were talking about damage black fog left on matsuba actually and its gonna take someone who can look at souls to tell what happened but It Did Happen
#this just in: being supernaturally aware so close to black fog is bad! and it held matsuba IN ITS HANDS so.#out of town. / ooc.
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marinating about specific shit that happened a year or more ago & realizing i kind of was a little shit when that happened. #growth
i mean. i was right. but i didnt have to be a dick about it
#there is exactly One Single Person who ended w a mutual blocking who i would talk to and try to explain myself better#bc said person messaged me late at night when i was pissed off and tired so my brain fog was Extra Bad & i didnt wait til morning to talk#and i Really Absolutely Fucked what i was trying to say. i was trying to express exasperation about A Certain Someone not being held-#- accountable & instead it came off as me being whiny that theyre popular#and yeah. if i could talk to person a about the situation i would. however. mutual block. and i would rather not try to jump it
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i can't believe i keep forgetting to talk about the absolute highlight of my 2024 hhn trip;
on the first night, before we went and did any houses, a few of the people in my group got food at el mercado and so we hung out in the outside eating area for a bit, during which we experienced a cast change for the swamp of the undead scarezone
the actors who were swapping out stood behind the wall/fence and acted like they were trying to get us, meanwhile i was cracking up and being like "hiii zombiiies 😊☺️😊☺️😊✨✨✨"
#after torture faire swambies was probably my favourite scarezone#though it was stupidly soggy from the fog machines and my socks kept getting wet Do:#RAAAHH I LOVE SCARE ACTORS THEY DESERVE MORE RESPECT#circus honks#q'd#personal#i still get giddy thinking about it lmfao. because it started with one zombie who i held eye contact with for a little less than a minute#and then all the other zombies came over and nobody noticed until i started laughing and saying hi GHGASHGHA
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@mortisvitae : what are you talking about? i'm not leaving you here! ( OOPS! ALL ANGST! PROMPTS )
What might be a broken, weak groan of frustration leaves Jane - for all she loves cares about Yun-Jin, it's typical that the time the other woman decides not to be self-serving is the one time she really should be.
" It's a lost cause- " She's a lost cause, Jane means to say, but she feels bile and blood fill her mouth before she can clarify. The killer has been particularly brutal this time around, seemingly fixated on making sure nobody leaves alive. She doesn't ( will never ) understand exactly why - what is one person slipping free when you have the blood of three others on your hands? - but it's that obsession that led to the unfortunate situation the two women find themselves in.
A stand-off that would be more manageable if Jane was not bleeding out rapidly. A nasty gash on her side ( too close to her lung to not cause some serious problems, she'd noted - not that the Entity was really focused on medical accuracy. )
Jane can barely even remember who came here with them. That's how long it's been, how much blood has spilled out into the dirt. She hacks, clearing her throat of yet more of it. Has she always had so much, or is that just proof of how close she is to being bled dry?
" Yun-jin. " The words are forced out between bloody coughs " The - the second you help me, he's gonna know where you are. " Then we're both dead, she doesn't say. Doesn't need to, hopefully. Nevermind that she doesn't think that Yun-jin can help her like this, anyway.
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