#THE ONLY ISSUE WITH THIS. is that i would need to remember what i was like as a kid. but i do not hold those memories fjfkdl

[dduane]

Erotica and anniversaries

...The big E, first. Here she is. Isn't she lovely?

...Right there upstairs at the Library of Congress, on the second floor. (I noted at the time we passed through some years back—and continue to smile at the memory—that her artist has included his copyright statement right there, to make sure no one misses it.)

...Anyway, where were we? ...Oh yeah: the local takes on erotic writing and smut.

This subject seems to come up every couple of years. What nudged me into revisiting it this time was the notes off a comment to a post earlier today, responding to someone working on an explicit-leaning AU, and discussing the writing of (story) bibles for projects.

Anyway, the notes:

#love that the advice was not just 'stick to porn' or 'don't write porn at all' but 'ah yes; common problem; let me explain to you how to write a series bible'

Well, disclosure here: in my case, it can't really be otherwise. :)

Let this act as everybody's sort-of-biennial reminder (if needed) that I'm not going to be caught condemning people for writing smut, as I've written it myself. (And continue to do so when the mood moves me.)

The post from very nearly two years ago, discussing the issue in more detail, is over here. As you'll see if you read it, there were some folks who experienced brief episodes of cognitive dissonance on learning I was a cheerful writer of explicit material. Some of the surprise was probably due to the fact that a lot of people see me—mostly due to the relatively-higher profile of the Young Wizards books—as primarily a writer for younger readers.

But that's not how I got started. My (1979) debut novel centers a universe where the following exchange between two of the protagonists appears—they then being wrapped up in blankets and afterglow in the wake of a prolonged and enthusiastic post-reunion shag:

A soft chuckle in the darkness. “Lorn, remember that first time we shared at your place?” “That was a long time ago.” “It seems that way.” “—and my father yelled up the stairs, ‘What are you dooooooooing?’ “—and you yelled back, ‘We’re fuckinnnnnnnnnnng!’” “—and it was quiet for so long—” “—and then he started laughing—” “Yeah.”

Nor was this a one-off. This book and its sequels contain a fair number of passages in which human (and occasionally non-human) sexualities, both in the abstract and the experientially concrete, take center stage. And the mode in which they're expressed and discussed is intended for adults. Those sequences can probably be described as at least borderline erotica. (I certainly try had to be as graceful about such passages as I can, when and where it's appropriate to be.)

With this in mind, it's worth repeating what turns up in that earlier post, which came off a query to a ficcer about "how do you feel knowing that people may be jerking off to your work?":

I'm an entertainer. Writing's a form of entertainment. (And not just for the readership: for me, too.) To be aroused by art one's experienced is (almost by definition) to be entertained, I'd say...

Other people's art in these modes certainly is entertaining for me: and I desperately hope mine is for other people. (Almost all my more explicit writing is published only pseudonymously, which from my point of view is just fine. There's a fair amount of writing work out in the world that [for contractual or other business reasons] doesn't have my name on it. This is just more of the same.)

(Per that, adding here again my own tags from that earlier post:)

#and no I'm not going to let on where the smut is#why would i deny anyone the delights of the search#and of being repeatedly mistaken#while possibly finding smut writers who're better at it than i am#:)

Anyway, finally: from that earlier post—on nearly the thirty-eighth anniversary of something happening to me that would, just a year before the event, have seemed wildly unlikely—this note, unusually apposite because of what today is, and what's coming tomorrow.

I consider erotica—and its more casually-dressed (or undressed…) cousin, smut—to be perfectly legit forms of literary expression; ones that can soar to unexpected heights if you’re willing to put in the work. The sexy-stuff-writing muscle requires periodic exercise if it’s to remain viable and/or useful. So I exercise it. And being a 70-plus-year-old person who sometimes creaks audibly when she walks has done absolutely nothing to decrease my interest in the subject—the brain being, after all, the biggest sex organ, and the one least vulnerable to the depredations of time. If anything, nearly fifty years of experience (and more than three and a half decades of marriage to @petermorwood) have added… let’s just say nuance. 😏

So, happy Valentine's Day to all those who choose to celebrate, in whatever mode.

And to the Man Upstairs:

...See you in a few, sweetie. :)

[finchsflight]

The most important thing, that a lot of people who want this kind of job don't get, is that you have to have an explanation.

And not some namby-pamby 'oh, you see, it was simply up my sleeve, ha ha let's all pretend this didn't happen!'. No, you need a proper, actual, well-thought-through explanation.

(At least, for the kids I show off for. If the parent didn't ever bother getting their kid into the business, or explaining tricks -- eh, you're probably fine. But if they didn't explain the tricks, well, they wouldn't need us, would they?)

The kids -- usually, at least, that I see -- want magic. But half the time they're too smart for their own good, and there's no one who'll think you're a real wizard like a little kid. They want you to be a real wizard. But you need them to think you're just really, really good.

(Y'know. On account of how we don't endanger kids. And if that's an issue for you, then I've got a big stick and you have some fun places I can shove it.)

So that's the first thing. Explanation. Every trick you've got, you better be good and prepared for them to ask you about it, in detail, at the end of the show, and if you don't have good answers, it breaks. Yeah, yeah, a magician never reveals their secrets, but little kids hate being condescended to and they'll have a great time if you show them the props and the 'real magic' behind the magic. Yes, yes, I know, it sounds stupid.

The second thing is, you're showing off, but you're not showing off. Big elemental stuff? Usually a no-no, even if you've got a good and sciency explanation. Partially because, like... if you're doing a science show, you don't need a wand. You can just go buy some liquid nitrogen. World's neat enough as is. And partially because -- look, you're a delight. But listen. You are never as good at lying to small children as you think you are, okay?

If you're gonna need an explanation, well, that means you need explainable stuff. Me, I like kinda theming things off human magicians -- you know, cards, ribbons, vanishing boxes, sleight-of-hand style stuff. A few flashy lights. That sorta thing. They love seeing a card trick that's just impossible enough to be amazing and just possible enough to be explained.

Works to add some things they can actually recognize, too; then they get a little moment where they get to feel like they've got one over on you.

And that leads pretty well to my last one.

Eventually, a kid's gonna ask you how you did something, and you're gonna give your made-up bullshit explanation that you will have gotten really good at delivering, and then either they're gonna say "That's not possible," or they're gonna ask you if you can teach them.

And you're gonna not be able to dismiss it, or you're not gonna be able to say 'sorry, I need to go', and there's gonna be a little kid who figures out that you're a wizard.

Remember what I said? How we don't endanger kids?

This is the part where that gets important.

Feel free to remember them, bookmark their name for when they grow up 'cause you think they might be a good apprentice, whatever. But you do not recruit kids.

And you already know that. So you're not gonna like what I'm about to say, because yes, it's gonna feel icky and terrible and it is, technically, about as illegal as anything can be when you're behind the -- what's the word for it these days?

Masquerade? Oh, man, that's so much better than it used to be. Nice.

Anyway.

Learn how to muddle a kid's memories.

Yeah. I know.

No, I don't like it either.

Only a few times. Thank God.

There's a trick I use, though -- and also makes it a lot less icky -- build a time limiter. Make a spell up, on your own, that is inextricably tied to a time limiter. Make it so it breaks when they're... remind me, what's, like, an age where kids are allowed to make bad choices?

Jesus. That's too young.

Well, let's say, uh... twice that? Twice that. That seems fine.

Don't make it something flashy. Just... let the memories fade back in. And after that, if they find you, it's not a kid, and they can make their own bad choices.

Yeah, I know.

I said it wasn't always a fun job. Wasn't just talking about the bodily fluids -- oh, yeah, that too. They're totally gonna get things on you. Snot, vomit, blood... small children end up bleeding a surprising amount, honestly?

Sure, yeah, I can teach you some cleaning cantrips.

When normal people throw a birthday party for their child, they call in a magician. When magicians throw a birthday party for their child, they call you.

[hangesophtalmologist]

the weight of your world on my shoulders

lando norris

pairing: lando norris x driver!reader

tropes: rivals to lovers?, forbidden romance

genre: fluff, angst

synopsis: waking up in the same hotel room as your infuriating rival would have been so much less trouble if he didn’t make you feel that way… or if your team principal wasn’t on the hunt for you. And most importantly, if you weren’t both F1 drivers.

warnings: suggestive content, angst

The sharp rays of morning sunlight streamed through the gap in the hotel curtains, illuminating the chaos in the room. You groaned as you turned over, your face half-buried in a pillow, and blinked groggily at the unfamiliar surroundings. Beside you, messy curls were spilled over the pillow as a body stirred, bushy brows furrowing as the man took in the scattered remnants of last night’s celebration.

Your eyes widened as realization dawned. “Oh, no.”

Lando sat up abruptly, the sheet slipping off his torso to reveal his bare chest. “What the hell?” he mumbled, running a hand through his messy hair. His gaze fell on you, half-dressed in last night’s pants and a bra and his heart stuttered.

The look of horror on your face would have made him laugh if it wasn't for his own confusion. You yanked the sheet over your lap, shifting away from him as you tried your best to look everywhere but his naked torso.

“Yeah, what the actual hell," you repeated, sending him an accusing look. "Did we...?” you started with a frown, trailing off awkwardly.

“I…” Lando’s mouth opened and closed as his brain struggled to piece together the events of the previous night. “I don’t know. Did we?”

Your eyes narrowed, and a flash of memory hit you like a freight train. You had argued about whose room it was—fighting as always, stubbornly shouting at each other.

But the only thing you could remember after that was Lando’s clumsy attempt to unclasp your bra, his hands fumbling and his drunken frustration palpable. The blurry memory made your stomach flip, heat rushing to your cheeks in an embarrassing display of fluster. “You!” you gasped, crossing your arms defensively across your chest.

Lando’s eyebrows shot up, his gaze feeling all too heavy on your bare skin. “Me what?”

“I'm going to the bathroom,” you snapped, scrambling out of bed and heading straight for the bathroom, your steps hurried but unsteady.

Once inside, the door slammed shut and you pressed your back against it, heart pounding. This could not be happening. Everyone from your team principal to the fans would kill you both if they knew—but you'd have killed yourself first from shame. Lando? Seriously? Your insufferable rival and the cockiest, most arrogant man to ever live? You had spent way too many years throwing insults at his face to be found in his—or your—whose room was it in the end?—bed half-naked. Shame on you, you thought, I hope you haven't been this stupid.

"This is why you never drink," you pointed an accusing finger at your reflection in the mirror.

Intending to wash the hypocrisy off your skin with a cold shower, you reached behind to unhook the offending piece of lingerie, only to discover that it was still impossibly stuck. No amount of twisting or pulling seemed to work. So the failure of your attempts - having led the active participation of your coworker -  wasn't due to the alcohol. It was indeed not budging.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you muttered, praying to any god in any religion to hear your plea and either unclasp this cursed bra or strike you down with lightning.

Outside, Lando softly knocked on the door. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!”. Lies.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” he commented, his voice laced with amusement.

You opened the door a crack, still clutching the clasp behind your back. “Just a logistical issue. None of your concern.”

You'd rather shower fully clothed than let this- this dangerous man approach you once more.

His smirk grew, green eyes sparkling with mischief. Damn he really was attractive.

“Need help?”

Your glare was enough to kill, but the growing heat in your cheeks betrayed you. “Oh, you've done enough, Norris.”

He chuckled, gripping the side of the door and gently pushing it open, ignoring your protests.

"Come on, I already tried last night. What's the harm?" he smirked as he stepped into the bathroom, invading your senses with his scent, his warmth, his voice, and the otherworldly vision of his sculpted naked chest.

"So you do remember, you dipshit," you muttered to conceal your fluster. Still, you gave in, timidly offering your back to him. "I'm warning you, no funny business."

Lando’s lips twitched as he stepped closer, the air thick with a mix of amusement and something far more dangerous. You could tell he was holding his breath—when he finally exhaled, the coldness brushed against your back and sent a jolt through you. You cursed inwardly at the effect he had on you.

“Hold still,” he murmured, his voice lower than usual. Then his knuckles grazed your skin, and it was like your entire body was burning in flames.

The room seemed to shrink around you, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken tension. You could feel his nervousness through the fidgeting around the clasp, through how silent he was—no jokes, no teasing, no comment on the shivers that kept running on your skin with each of his movements. Just the deafening batter of your hearts.

The proximity was unbearable; the air between you seemed to sizzle.

His fingers stole the breath that was caught in your throat as they grazed your back with more force. You didn't know if Lando was purposefully taking his time or if he was genuinely struggling, but all you could think about was his hands on your skin, his breath on your shoulder, and how careful he was, trying not to touch you too much and how close you were to losing your m-

“There,” he said softly, the clasp finally giving way.

You inhaled sharply, snapping out of your thoughts. Quickly, your arms jumped over your chest, clutching your bra, and you turned to face him. Shit. Your body was overheating and you feared you just made it worse. You couldn't escape his burning gaze. Lando was looking down at you with such intensity you felt like you were being set on fire. Again.

His eyes lingered on you for a long moment before he cleared his throat. “I don’t think we slept together,” he murmured, finally breaking the silence.

Relief eased the tension in your shoulders, and you finally found your voice. “Do you remember everything?”

“No, I don't remember much, but,” he clicked his tongue, a slow, cocky grin spreading across his face, “there’s just no way I’d leave your neck without any mark.”

Jaw. Dropped.

Your lips moved to respond, to curse his arrogance but no sound came out. Shit. It was hard to think when flashes of forbidden scenes kept inundating your imagination, and your heart threatened to burst out of your chest.

Lando, cautiously and almost predatorily scrutinizing each inch of your face, must have read your thoughts—something in his eyes snapped. Almost shyly—as if bracing for a rejection—he leaned in, his lips brushing your neck and sending you both into oblivion. Slowly, he kissed the skin there, searching for a sensitive spot. When you let out a small sound of pleasure, his hands tensed on your waist.

For a second.

Then hell broke down and it was like you had unleashed its wildest flames as his hands, once well-behaved, were now insatiable and eager to burn every parcel of your skin and hold you closer than ever. You gasped, heat flooding your body, your resolve crumbling under his touch. Your fingers dived into his rebellious curls, pulling him away and closer at the same time, earning a soft groan that reverberated against your neck.

When you heard him curse, you realized you could feel him everywhere—his warmth engulfing you in your mutual insatiable desire.

Then came the knock at the door.

As if a spell was broken, you jumped in surprise and pushed Lando away, your heart racing. “Shit,” you hissed, still panting while exchanging a panicked look with him. "What do we do?"

"Go open the door," Lando whispered back, his eyes wide with insistence.

"Are you mad? I’m freaking half-naked!"

"Me too," he protested. "And I’m not exactly presentable," he added through gritted teeth.

"You’re a man, you won’t shock anyone with your tits," you whispered-yelled, missing the point he was trying to make and pushing him out of the bathroom. "It’s your fault anyway!" you muttered as you locked yourself in.

Lando sighed despite the smile that fought his way to his lips. He scrambled to answer the door, throwing on a discarded shirt and running a hand through his hair.

Toto Wolff stood there, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

Fuck. This was not his room.

“Norris,” Toto said in a measured tone, a lot less friendly than usual. “Why are you in Y/N’s room?”

Lando blinked, his brain scrambling for an answer. “Uh… it’s— I'm... we- we swapped rooms by mistake. You know how these things go. Lots of champagne last night.”

Toto’s gaze was skeptical, his eyes flicking to the room’s disheveled state. “What’s your room number?”

“I… don’t remember,” Lando lied, stalling.

From the bathroom, the sound of the water turning on made Toto’s eyebrow arch higher. Lando cursed internally—you just had to take a shower right now and make things worse.

"I suppose I would be wrong to assume Y/N is currently showering?" the German man asked sternly, and the question seemed more like a threat than an inquiry.

They’d definitely be both in tremendous trouble if any of their team found out about this night—even if technically, nothing had happened. Until three minutes ago.

"Ha, what? Her?" Lando faked a laugh, a tad bit too high-pitched to be authentic. "I told you, she slept in my room on another floor. This is uh- um? My- well, my girlfriend."

The dubious expression of Mercedes' team principal cracked into a perplexed one, a frown carving a wrinkle between his eyebrows.

"Weren't you single?"

"Not anymore," Lando insisted, a fake smile tearing his face in two. "So, I'd appreciate it if you could..."

“Oh yes, of course,” Toto nodded slowly. “Well, I'll ask the reception for your room number. Don't do these... swaps again, it's inconvenient.” He turned and left, but not before casting one last suspicious glance over his shoulder.

The second he was out of sight, Lando shut the door and bolted for the bathroom, knocking urgently. “Y/n! Toto’s onto us.”

You emerged hastily, your hair damp, a toothbrush in your hand and a bathrobe clutched around you. Water dripped onto the carpet as you stared at him, wide-eyed. “What did he say?”

“He-" Lando's voice dropped as he took in your appearance, and he had to swallow thickly to continue. "He wants to talk to you."

“Great,” you muttered. “I can’t stay here.”

All sense of urgency seemed to have evaporated from Lando's mind as he tried his best not to follow the path of the raindrops running down your wet skin. “We need to get you to my room before Toto figures this out,” he finally got out, mumbling incoherently as he grabbed your arm. “Come on.”

You rushed out, still scarcely dressed, barely managing to slip on some sliders before you parted ways—you to the elevator, him to the stairs, staying behind to stall Toto in case he was already coming your way. As both of you reached his room simultaneously, you darted inside, locking the door behind him.

You plopped yourself on the bed, putting a hand over your pounding heart as you layed down. I can't believe I raced in a hotel in a bathrobe because of that idiot, you thought. But your mind wasn't focused on that. It couldn't stop replaying the moment his lips touched your neck - and you could feel your treacherous, treacherous body yearning for more.

This wasn't like you - you shouldn't feel comfortable being so exposed near your co-worker, shouldn't feel butterflies at the proximity with your rival, should feel regret about waking up by his side. But you didn't.

Your thoughts drifted again - maybe you're at ease because you want this intimacy. Slapping your hands across your forehead to slap those ideas away, you pouted, too confused with the external and internal chaos to think clearly.

“This is your fault,” you muttered, more meaning to your words than what he could understand. "I toldyou it was my room."

It was more meant to yourself than to him, but he chuckled nonetheless. “You’re the one who complained your bra wasn't comfortable to sleep in,” the driver teased, sitting beside you. "I just helped."

“Lando…” Your tone was a warning.

He laughed again, and your stomach tied itself into knots. You closed your eyes, trying vainly to distance yourself from him even if it was just for a second. But his arm brushed yours as he lay down next to you and it undid all your careful efforts to curb your racing heart.

Both of you knew Lando should go before Toto arrived - but you couldn't bring yourselves to voice it out loud. Maybe it was because you knew this was a forbidden situation that you couldn't bring it to an end, knowing it could never happen again. Your neck still burned from the touch of his lips.

It was so much easier to ignore the tension - masked by meaningless banter and insults - between you two when you could still deny how attracted you were to him. Clearly, you'd overestimated the power of your reason over your feelings. A romance between two drivers? Not. Possible. You knew it. But your heart wasn't racing for a pilot - it was racing for the boy you'd raced against for years. You'd known for years. And that you happened to race against still.

"Y/n," Lando said your name - but it was different from usual. It was like he was unsure of it - like he was tasting it for the first time.

Heart pounding, you opened your eyes, turning your head towards where his rested on the mattress. Your heart stuttered over the proximity and that flick of something that haunted his gaze when he looked at you. His eyes flickered to your lips, less than a second but you caught it and butterflies swarmed your stomach.

"I-"

The knock on the door cut his sentence short.

Toto again.

Your bubble exploded and you jumped on your feet, not noticing the curses leaving your rival's mouth.

"Just a minute!" you shouted across the door.

Lando reluctantly stood up, in stark contrast to your agitation - and even had the nerve to look confused when you made big, urgent signs at him.

"Clothes, you bonehead," you hissed quietly, watching as he jogged across the room. "No, not McLaren gear, are you crazy?"

"I don't have anything else!" Lando whispered back, rummaging through his luggage. "Ah, there."

He threw a jogging and a hoodie your way, holding a laugh when it slapped you across the face. Not resisting the urge to wipe his smile, you swiftly grabbed the slider of your right foot and yeeted it at his head, only missing because he darted into the bathroom to hide himself and stifle his laugh. You scoffed at his antics, quickly dressing and composing yourself to answer the door.

Toto’s imposing frame filled the doorway, his expression unreadable.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice clipped. “I had trouble finding you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” you leaned casually against the doorframe, displaying an annoyed expression. "This little- Norris insisted my room was his, so I had to swap if I wanted to get a few hours of sleep."

Toto’s sharp eyes scanned the room behind you. “Is that so?”

“Yep!” you said quickly, your voice a little too chipper.

The man stepped forward, and you had no choice but to let him in. You watched as his gaze fell on the bed, noticing that it was already made - not knowing it was because no one had slept in it.

“I came to talk to you about a team meeting," the team principal finally admitted, visibly relaxing. "But first, this situation with Lando reminded me of something I wanted to tell you. I know we don't often talk about your love life and whatsoever, because I respect that you're a private person."

Oh God, end me right now.

"Toto, we don't need to talk about this now," you chuckled nervously, all too aware of Lando's presence right next to them.

"Please, Y/n. My wife has been nagging me about that dating clause in your contract. I want to make sure that you know I have no intentions of disrespecting you or underestim-"

"Toto, Toto." You gently cut short the conversation, harshly bringing yourself back to reality. As if a fog surrounding your mind evaporated, the consequences of your actions dawned onto you.

"I signed the dating ban because it doesn't change anything for me, and it reassures you. I will never-" you paused. The words had been carved in your brain for years, reminding you exactly what you were fighting for and what were your priorities. Yet they had never tasted so sour on your tongue. "-ever date someone in the business. I'm not granted the indulgence that men have. I have the burden to be irreproachable because I refuse to give weapons or basis for speculation on my merit to the people who want to keep women out of F1."

There was anger in your eyes. You were angry at the world for being that way, at Toto for forcing you to voice out loud the weight he knew you had to carry, at Lando for making your determination waver. At yourself for wavering.

Your tone was accusatory when you spoke again. "You should know this better than anyone. I have to be perfect, Toto. On every aspect."

Though if this morning proved one thing, it was that it proved to be harder than you had anticipated.

Toto sighed, crossing his arms against his chest in a disapproving manner. "You know, it is Suzie that told me to talk about this with you. Yes, I know what they have said about her and I can imagine very well what they could say about you. But this is not a realistic way to live your life. I didn't ban you from dating the rest of humanity."

Ouch. Didn't need him to remind me I've been single for a painfully long time.

"I know. I won't lie to you and say I didn't feel insulted by the clause, but I understand. For all it's worth, I appreciate that you made Lewis sign it too."

"Of course," the team principal offered you a gentle smile. "Well, with all that being said, I did get worried when Lando opened your door this morning. I don't know where she gets that, but Suzie says there is something between you two. I almost thought she was right."

You froze, an all-too-tense smile forcing its way on your face. "No way, we've just known each other a long time. I can't stand that dumb face of his. I barely get through the weekends, let alone-"

The sound of your phone ringing from the pocket of the discarded bathrobe interrupted you, and Toto bent down to pick it up. His shoulders tensed immediately upon seeing the caller ID, lips pressing into a thin line, and you widened your eyes when he held it out to you. Lando. Why did that fool have to call you right now-

"Must be about returning his stuff," you stammered, your mind racing. "Excuse me for a sec'."

Slipping inside the bathroom where the curly haired driver hid, you whispered furiously, asking what he was doing - calling you right as you were assuring your team principal that you never interact with him. Not answering, Lando blinked several times, momentarily stunned by how his hoodie seemed to hang perfectly on you. He cleared his throat, swallowing thickly and muttering something you didn't quite catch - about you knowing how to kill a man or something.

"What?" you pretended to talk over the phone, shooting him a pointed look, growing acutely self-aware under his intense staring.

Tearing his eyes away from your figure and focusing back on the situation, he signed to your neck and when you pushed past him to look into the mirror, an horrified gasp fell from your lips. Your pulse quickened. If Toto saw the faint bruise - the hickey -  there would be no saving this situation. Thank God, Lando had remembered before anything happened but still-

“You asshole," you tried to slap his arm, but the man dodged with an apologetic smirk. "What do I do now?"

“Relax,” Lando said quietly, barely above a whisper, the ghost of his hand hovering above your shoulder. “It’s going to be fine. Just… don’t let him see it.”

You groaned, quickly letting your hair down to cover the mark. But it wasn’t enough. You needed a solution. “Great advice, genius. Any idea how to proceed?” you kept pretending to speak over the phone.

Make-up? you mouthed, but Lando shook his head negatively. Instead, searching his bathroom drawers, he victoriously grabbed a box, turning back to you with a smug look.

It was box of bandaids.

You stared at him, incredulous. “That’s your solution?”

“You have a better idea?” he silently shot back, amusement tugging at the corner of his lips.

Without waiting for your response, he stepped closer to you and gently pushed your damp hair aside. His fingers lingered against your skin, and you froze, your breath hitching as his touch sent shivers down your spine.

“Lando…” you warned, your voice a whisper.

“I’ll be quick,” he murmured, his eyes meeting yours for a fleeting moment. Frowning at the lack of light, he directed you toward the sink, his hand grazing the small of your back and sending your heart pounding against your chest.

You tried to give him more room by plopping yourself on the sink, but him placing himself between your legs and leaning toward your neck was doing nothing to help you both.

Yet, this time, there was something daunting about the rapid rhythm of your heart - like it was frantically chasing after something it could never have. The conversation you just had with Toto removed the blissful veil of denial that the night had tucked you in.

You had grabbed the doorknob of a door that was supposed to stay locked.

When Lando finally placed the band-aid over the mark, his thumb brushed softly your jawline, and you were glad you were sat because your knees nearly gave up. Finished with its task, his hand slowly fell to your thigh, burning the skin there. You inhaled sharply, closing your eyes to compose yourself.

Your resolve wouldn't crumble this time, you thought.

But when, determined, you finally reopened them, you weren't prepared for the arrow of guilt that pierced your heart. Lando's smile was stiff. Resigned. Accepting the wall you'd built between you two.

He'd heard you. Of course.

You didn't know how he felt or what he thought about what happened between the two of you. What you told Toto shouldn't really matter; yet somehow it felt exactly like when you say the wrong thing and don't realize it until it is too late.

You shouldn't feel remorse, but the aching pain in your chest looked a lot like it. There was no going back. You closed the door before you got to see what was behind, not admitting to him that you would have liked to take a peek.

"Thank you," your breath carried the meaningless words. There was nothing left to say. The silence had said enough. Lando simply nodded, his eyes full of the words sealed behind his lips.

You emerged from the bathroom, dragging behind a weight that felt a lot like your sullen heart, to find Toto sitting in the armchair, his sharp gaze flicking to you. You did your best to look casual, despite the rising tension in the room.

Toto’s piercing gaze immediately locked onto you, his expression unreadable. His brow lifted as an inquiry, one you deliberately ignored.

Taking one more second to collect your thoughts, you exhaled loudly. "Sorry. What was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Your team principal still looked skeptical but he let it slide. For now. “Be at the paddock in an hour. And maybe try not to get involved in any more... swaps with Norris.”

You nodded quickly, and Toto rose to leave. But just as he reached the door, he paused, turning back toward you.

“One more thing.”

Your stomach dropped. “Yes?”

“Do you simply happen to own hoodies from his merch or is it his?”

Your heart skipped a beat. “What?”

Toto’s eyes fell to where a logo was printed on the hoodie - a Quadrant logo. If you could facepalm right now, you would have crushed your skull with the force of despair. Since you couldn't, your mind raced instead, scrambling for an excuse. “I, uh… lost a dare. Had to wear his merch for an entire day. But I'll change for the team meeting.”

“Hmm,” Toto said, clearly unconvinced. He glanced at the bathroom door, then back at you. “Make sure you’re focused today.”

You nodded again, barely breathing until he finally left.

You sighed, leaning against the door and rubbing your temples. “This is a disaster.”

When Lando slid out of the bathroom, the same ache returned in your chest. You looked at each other across the room, feeling like you were across two poles of the planet.

"We're screwed?" he asked with a faint smile, his mischievous glint returning slowly in his eyes.

"Totally. But thanks anyway."

"Of course. Not like it was my fault or anything."

A genuine laugh escaped your lips, a familiar warmth flooded your stomach. Lando's face softened upon hearing the sound. For a moment, the air between you two settled into something lighter, the tension from earlier dissolving just a bit. You finally muttered the courage to let yourself focus on Lando and take in the sight of him - no matter the feelings that arose inside you.

He looked different here. Not just your rival. Not just your co-worker. Leaning against the doorframe, staring back at you with an intensity that made your pulse stutter, he felt like something more - something you weren’t sure you were ready to name. His eyes lingered, trailing over your face like he was memorizing it and the easy smile he wore didn’t quite reach the flicker of uncertainty beneath it.

There was no playfulness in the way he shifted, his knuckles grazing the edge of the bathroom door as if debating whether to step closer. You were all too aware of the distance separating you two - guiltiness gnawing at your heart. You felt like a hypocrite, for wanting him to crush the very distance you held onto so dearly.

When a knock surprised you both again, you were almost relieved, desperate to escape the web of contradictions you were tangled in. Lando, as if reading your mind, sighed heavily. His jaw tightened before he stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him a bit harsher than intended.

Ignoring the uneasy feeling in your heart, you opened the door with a forced smile plastered on your face.

"Yes, Toto, I—" You stopped mid-sentence, your words catching in your throat as you looked up at the unexpected face in front of you. "Oh. Um—Marc, hi."

Standing awkwardly in the doorway was Marc, the young McLaren engineer you'd befriended at the start of the season. His brown eyes widened upon seeing you, lips stretching into a genuine smile. "Hi, hey! Um- I- Toto told me I'd find you here," he greeted you, clearly nervous and shifting awkwardly on his feet.

"Yeah, there was a bit of a room mix-up last night," you explained, relaxing, your voice softening as you tried to make him feel at ease. No matter how terrible his timing was, you couldn't bring yourself to send him away. "How are you?"

"I'm good, good," he replied, but the unease in his tone was palpable. "Uh... sorry if this isn't the best time. I just—well, we talked a lot last night at the party, and, um, it was really fun. And I’ve been thinking about it. About you, actually... for a while."

Your heart dropped to your stomach, your smile faltering. Oh no. Not now, not here, please-

"I know it's not really... well, romantic. But I just wanted to say this before I lost the courage..." he continued as dread settled into your stomach. "Would you like to have dinner with me somed-"

His words died in his throat as the sudden sound of the water being turned on suddenly cracked through the room. Lando. You turned around with a gasp as you realized what was happening.

"Oh." Marc’s face fell, the realization settling over him like a cloud. He looked away, his cheeks reddening.

"No, it's not what you—" you started, but Marc was already stepping back, the hurt written all over his face.

"It’s fine," he said quickly, his voice trembling slightly. "I assumed- I mean, I should've known- I get it."

"Marc, I don't-"

"You don’t owe me any explanation, Y/n. Don’t worry- it's me."

"I'm so sorry, it's not-"

"Don't apologize, please. Let's- yeah I'll just go. Just forget about it, it's all good."

Before you could stop him, he was already retreating, throwing you a small, pained smile. Your throat tightened, and you opened your mouth to call his name, but the words wouldn't come.

The door clicked shut behind him, and you stood frozen, wishing you could melt into the floor. You’d never meant to put him in that position— to put such a kind and humble man through this embarrassment... God you wanted to disappear of the Earth's surface. It was all too much.

Frustrated, you stormed into the bathroom, your heart pounding in your chest as you pushed the door open with more force than necessary.

Lando stood by the sink, fully dressed, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows in that effortless way that made him look annoyingly attractive. The water ran freely, steam curling around his arms, though he paid it no attention, focusing instead on his phone.

You grabbed the faucet and twisted it off with a sharp snap. The abrupt silence in the room was deafening. Lando slowly lifted his gaze, his brows raising in mock surprise.

"Really, Lando?" you snapped, crossing your arms tightly across your chest.

He leaned against the counter, crossing his own arms in response, mirroring your posture. The sharpness in his eyes was new, laced with something unreadable—something that made your breath catch in your throat.

“What’s going on?” he asked with a nonchalance that only served to infuriate you more. But there was something in his voice—something dangerous lurking beneath the casual facade.

“Are you happy with your little stunt?” you shot back, stepping closer.

His smirk deepened, head tilting slightly as if amused by the accusation. “You did the same thing when I opened the door to Toto.” His eyes flickered with that teasing glint, but you weren’t in the mood to play his games.

You took a breath, forcing yourself to stay calm. “It’s different. And I was actually showering. Do you have any idea how that looked for Marc?”

Lando scoffed, the sound soft but cutting. “I’m sorry Marc discovered you spent the night with another man,” he said, voice laced with mockery and something darker - almost possessive. “Which you did.”

Your frown deepened, confusion flickering across your face. “It wasn’t like that, and you know it.”

His eyes darkened, and he stepped closer. The space between you evaporated, leaving only the subtle crackle of tension hanging in the air. His gaze dropped to your lips for half a second before meeting your eyes again.

“Do you actually like him?” His voice was lower now, softer but strained—as if the question was something he didn’t want to ask but couldn’t hold back. His tone sent a shiver down your spine, and your heart slammed against your ribs.

A scoff escape your lips - the answer was obvious, but it was none of his business. “No. We’re fr-”

“Then I spared you an awkward rejection. I don’t see what you’re complaining about,” he cut in, the smugness returning to his features.

You pressed your lips together, your frustration losing strength as he effortlessly turned the situation in his favor. “It wasn’t fair to him,” you muttered, more to yourself than him.

Lando’s jaw tightened. “How’s that fair to me?” His voice dropped, gravelly and low, the weight of his words hitting you like a freight train. “Slept with me... then flaunted all the other guys you have? I didn’t know you were such a heartbreaker, Y/n.”

You blinked, your pulse quickening despite the teasing glint in his eye. He was toying with you, but the undercurrent in his voice held something else. Something more.

“Oh, I slept with you now?” you said, trying to brush off the weight of the moment with humor. “You better not go around telling people that.”

He didn’t laugh. Instead, the flicker of mischief in his eyes disappeared, replaced by a frown. “Right. Wouldn’t want you out of contract next season.”

Your heart stumbled, his words slicing through the facade you tried to keep up. It was the first time he acknowledged what you’d said to Toto.

“Hmm.” It was all you could manage, your throat suddenly tight.

Lando leaned back, watching your reaction carefully. “Is Marc aware that you legally can’t date him?”

There it was again. The jealousy - subtle but unmistakeable. Well, not really subtle. But definitely unexpected - and you did not know how to deal with it or with how it made you feel. Wanted.

“I can date him. He’s not Mercedes personnel. Or... a driver.” The word felt heavy on your tongue, your eyes flickering to the door as if searching for an escape. "You should read your contracts more carefully, Norris.”

He held your gaze, something unreadable flickering across his features.

“I don’t have the clause in my contract,” he said after a beat, the words casual but heavy with implication.

You froze, blinking up at him. “What?”

From what you heard, most of the drivers had to sign a dating ban similar to yours - a subtle way of assuring everyone that they wouldn't date you more than anyone else. Assuring the sponsors that they wouldn't have to deal with an unwanted scandal or controversy.

His gaze was unwavering, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he were daring you to understand the weight of what he was saying.

“I refused to sign it.”

The confession lingered in the air between you, heavy and intoxicating. Your heart thudded violently in your chest as his eyes bore into yours, stripping away any pretense you tried to cling to.

He didn't elaborate, didn't give you the satisfaction of an explanation. Instead, he pushed himself off the sink, brushing past you with that same infuriating calm he always wore when the conversation veered too close to something real.

He paused at the doorway, glancing over his shoulder. His gaze was soft - understanding. But immensely conflicted.

And then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

You stood frozen, staring at the empty space where he'd just been, heart thudding unevenly in your chest.

It took a moment for it to hit you.

He refused to sign it.

The realization settled over you slowly, like the soft trickle of rain through cracks in a window. Lando had always been reckless, but not about things like this. Not about things that could jeopardize his career.

You felt it now—woven beneath his teasing words, beneath the irritation and jealousy. He hadn't needed to say it out loud.

You pressed your palm to the cool edge of the sink, exhaling shakily as your reflection stared back at you.

Lando Norris didn’t sign the clause because of you.

And for the first time since the season started, doubt tugged at your heart. You were proud of your sacrifices. But the what-ifs slipped through the cracks of your conviction, and suddenly, you wished you didn’t bear such a heavy weight on your shoulders.

[witherby]

Ok ok hear me out.. fluttermouse but she’s angry…? Like yk how dick was an anger tween/teen. Yeah that’s how fluttermouse is, lol

Idk why but every time I read something about a young happy reader, I just imagine them as an angry teenager, that likes to party.

- from urs truly🌊

I'm tryna think about what reasons Flittermouse would have to be genuinely angry, aside from puberty shenanigans. I'm thinking there'd be some conflict amongst the family for their bad habits.

Dick: Gaslighting

He's a really busy guy. You get it! You know this! That's not the part that upsets you! What does upset you is when you finally lock him down to make plans to hang out with your oldest brother and he forgets about it, and when you call him out on that, pretends that there were never any plans to begin with.

Dick doesn't forget things! His mind is a steel trap! If he was supposed to take you to the movies or do some bonding with at a trampoline park, he would've remembered that! Don't get mad at him for things you never confirmed with him, Flitty! You're being irrational, there's always next time!

Tim: Overanalyzation

He's the smartest of your brothers, which you admire! He's also the worst person to talk to about anything you're stressing about!

Can't seem to understand the material you're learning in a class? Tim's gonna tell you that it was never your strong suit anyway. You're better off bribing the teacher for an A and focusing your efforts elsewhere. It's not like you need that skill, either; you're a Wayne, and money will get you the skills you don't have.

Crushing on a boy or girl that doesn't seem to know you exist? Tim's gonna tell you that your current emotional state reflects in poor taste and you'll get over this crush in a couple of months, so there's no sense dwelling on that person anyway.

He's not mean about your struggles, but he doesn't seem to understand that you can't just logic your way into moving on the way that he can.

Bruce + Hal: Time

Sometimes your dad just isn't around. He's Batman, of course his attention is divided between being a hero and being a father, but sometimes you just really fucking wish you could go knock on his door and ask for a hug, instead of crawling into his empty bed to snuggle a pillow instead. It's even worse with Hal, when a mission in space has him gone for months at a time and you miss him so terribly. They've missed a surprising amount of your achievements, moments you can't replicate or get back. At least they have the good graces to be just as upset about it as you are.

Damian: Interest

You love him a lot. You do! You love your whole family and you support their interests and jobs! They just don't necessarily support you back, including Damian.

If something doesn't interest him, he simply won't pay it any mind. When you take up roller skating, he tells you "that's nice" and then focuses instead on what he was currently doing. When you express a desire to try pottery, he puts in enough effort to tell you the best places to get supplies, then stops paying attention. When you deliberately get invested in a hobby he partakes in, he's 1000% down to talk your ear off about it, happy to partake in your shared love for that thing. It's very disheartening.

The only people you don't have significant issues with are Jason and Alfred. Alfred is always around, finding the time to be with you or give you a hug or listen to you vent your educational frustrations or take you somewhere if you ask him to. You try not to bother him too much, knowing his attention is similarly as divided as everyone else's, but he insists that you deserve to take up the same amount of time and space your family does, and will often seek you out himself if he knows you're trying to isolate.

And Jason doesn't let things fester, not like he used to before you came around, so if he senses you may be upset or discontent with him in any way, he's gonna make you talk it out with him and then do what he can to correct it. Some things can't be fixed, you both know that, but others can be improved upon. You don't like how lackadaisical he is with his injuries, so he puts a little extra padding in his armor and wears his helmet more than his half-mask. In turn, he doesn't like you going to Socialite events without any security, so you relent to keeping two guards around when one of your family members can't attend with you despite having the ability to protect yourself just fine.

All in all, your "angsty teen" years are pretty stressful, and do lead to a pretty big blow up at one point. It all works out eventually, though, because your family loves you just as much as you love them.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Scarlet Lady Top 10 Favorite Characters: Number 9

for @zoe-oneesama

Number 10 Here

Now let’s be fair about this. This list is subjective and according to my own personal bias. It’s not about who is deserving or who is “Best Boy/Girl”. These are just the top ones I like and enjoy seeing in the comic. My favorites may not be your favorites and I quite frankly don’t expect them to be anyone else’s favorites in the same order or even on the same list at all. And just because someone is not on my list doesn’t mean I don’t like them or that I don’t find value in them.

This is just a list of the characters I like the most and my reasonings as to why. What makes me like them? What makes them stand out? Because Scarlet Lady has a LOT of really great characters who all deserve a shout out, so these are just ten of them that stuck out to me the most.

And while I am at least attempting to value them here on their own merit in the Scarlet Lady comic as opposed to Canon or its many MANY issues or the differences between the two, it stands to reason that at least SOME mention of Canon is going to be made. That said, I am trying very hard to not rate them based on my feelings from Canon but more on how I feel about them in this comic.

And because naturally I like my dramatic moments, I’m going to do the list in descending order from number 9 to number 1.

So without further ado…

…

…

Number 9: Alya

I love Alya in Scarlet Lady. So much so that I feel bad that she’s not higher on the list, but to be fair, she has some pretty tough competition. And it says something when that’s the case because it feels to me like everyone deserves a spot on this list…it’s just that some deserve it a little bit more.

Alya certainly warrants her spot on this list. She was one of the characters with the fewest changes from her setup in canon and yet ended up with such a major and lasting impact that her canon self can’t match.

But if I have to break down the reasons:

1. Alya is a good friend.

When mention is made of Alya being Marinette’s best friend, SL!Alya is the version that comes to mind for me. And honestly, she’s the image I long had and long wished for Alya of canon.

A friend who is supportive in all the right ways. A friend needing her own level of support. A friend who will disagree with you on points but still be your friend. A friend who can make mistakes and jump to conclusions but you can always forgive because you know she would do the same for you.

In Mr. Pigeon, Alya was willing to throw down with Chloe Bourgeois to defend Marinette’s honor and her hat design. And this was only two episodes after Lady Wifi, where Chloe had abused her power to get Alya suspended over a relatively minor infraction that had literally nothing to do with Chloe except that Chloe chose to be offended by Alya’s incorrect conclusion. Sure, it can arguably be for payback (given how keen Alya was to confront Chloe), but let’s be honest here: after being forced into a position where you are completely helpless at the hands of a bully and even authority figures are not willing or able to step in, most people would hesitate to confront the bully again regardless of whether they know they’re in the right. And Alya arguably didn’t have proof at the time that Marinette’s hat was actually her original creation.

And yet, Alya was going to act anyways. WANTED to act. For friendship. For vengeance. Not quite sure HOW she was intending to take down Chloe in this case, but I imagine it would have landed her in trouble again and she was fully willing to do so on behalf of her friend.

And speaking of her friend, remember Alya in Reflekta? She was excited of the idea of Marinette being a hero and part of me thinks she really pushed the “Marinette is Scarlet Lady” angle because she idolized Scar at the time and very much WANTED her to be Marinette—someone she also adores. Having two of her favorite people be one and the same would have been amazing for her! Sadly (or fortunately depending on your view) that was not the case, but Alya still got to have her moments of seeing her best friend as a hero, and her starry eyes sell it for me. As does Marinette later arranging an interview for her as Marigold—something especially important given in this version, one of the two primary heroes simply has no time for interviews while the other wouldn’t give a blog like Alya’s the time of day regardless of how much Alya did to help promote her.

Plus how in Troublemaker, she got the entire class to come to school dressed in Chat Noir gear to show support for the poor catboy and to help protect Marinette after the way her room and her multitude of pictures of Chat Noir were revealed on live television. Just to try and limit her friend’s embarrassment after her privacy was violated and her crush was outted.

See this? This is the friendship I wanted to see in canon. The ride or die. A counterweight. Supporting each other in reasonable and healthy ways. To be able to say with certainty that when the chips are down, they have each others’ backs. And Alya does.

Then there’s the Love Square—and if the change to the setup didn’t already improve how it went, then Alya’s involvement certainly did.

Part of the reason the Love Square struggled in Canon was because of how forcefully it was pushed with such shoddy foundation, and Alya was the biggest pusher. She forced so many situations out of some misguided attempt to “help” that only ended up creating stress for Marinette, cringe for the writing, and no actual momentum on the progress of the pairing. If you want a metaphor, then let’s describe it like this: If the Love Square is an actual ship and if Alya was a tug boat, she wouldn’t have been helping her ship “set sail” so much as dragging it underwater across the ocean and to its watery demise.

But in Scarlet Lady, Alya is supportive and encouraging—and not in the way where she blows off Marinette’s anxieties or Adrien’s obliviousness and forces them both into a position they’re clearly not ready for only to turn around and be annoyed that it didn’t work out. 

No, she was aware of Marinette’s feelings and interests to the point she recognizes Marinette has a small crush on Adrien even before the girl herself did. She also seemed to be aware of Adrien’s crush on her. So knowing this, she tried to help nudge things along. Note I said “NUDGE”. 

She knows a spark could be there. So when Alya had an opportunity, she helped to set things up in a way that would give Marinette and Adrien time together to explore that. Not to confess. Not to date. Just opportunities to be together, interact, and see what happens.

Heck, it feels at times like she’s more of Adrien’s wingman than Marinette’s. Especially given the whole bit in Stormy Weather, which remains to date one of my favorite strips of the entire series. Alya was the reason Marinette even made it there in the first place. And when she was picked for the modeling spot, she still tried to influence things to let Marinette take over. Similar to canon, yes, but a notably better feel to it. Better humor. Better outcome.

Which is ultimately what a friend should be trying for. For ALL of her friends.

And by the end of the comic, I can say that Alya is a friend to not just Marinette, but also Adrien and Alix and the other classmates. Yes, even Lila. Which says something given how much she initially despised Lila for the fake interview and how long she held that grudge against her. Going from outright dislike to grudgingly hanging out with to swallowing her pride and giving a real chance to actual collaboration on revealing a major truth.

Now that’s progress.

And speaking of progress…

2. Journalist Has A Point

Look, many a story will have THAT character. You know the one. Whether a detective, journalist, or conspiracy theorist, THAT character is devoted to uncovering the truth, whatever it may be—and usually in the form of plot-relevant secrets and useful information. 

So one of the biggest disappointments you can create is having such a character 

with all the drive and reasoning to investigate be in a prime position to uncover a major plot point, in which you give them all the resources and all the motivation to make the discovery…and yet have them do nothing.

Or worse, have the truth spoon fed to them instead when it’s convenient. No effort. No drama or antics. No surprise. No real reaction to the revelation. Just take away all the fun why don’t you?

Alya is a major fan of heroes and a journalist in the making. When these things mix, you have a ready-made source of humor and drama in a character with the dual position of he hero’s best friend who doesn’t know her secret and a wannabe investigator who risks discovering the hero’s secret. Normally, such a position would involve a number of antics over a multitude of episodes, with the friend being in a prime position to out the hero and the hero having to regularly come up with ways to distract and mislead the friend in question in order to protect the secret.

In canon, we get all of two episodes that even play with this setup. Two in the four seasons it takes for Marinette to just blurt it out to Alya. Lady Wifi and Pharaoh. That’s it. And of those two, Lady Wifi had Marinette completely unconcerned with Alya’s claim of knowing Ladybug’s identity. No drama. No conflict. No antics. No attempts at misdirection. No introspection or question if maybe revealing the city’s hero is even a good idea. No internal questioning if Alya should be told the secret—if she’s trustworthy or if she would be in danger. No continued attempts to uncover her identity as if Alya had just gotten bored with it. Nothing.

And if you know anything from my previous essays, you know that few things frustrate me more than having a great setup that practically writes itself and doing NOTHING WITH IT.

In Scarlet Lady, that setup is nixed from the start since Marinette didn’t start off as the hero. Instead, what we have is a situation where Alya idolizes the self-proclaimed hero of the city, completely ignorant to the truth that we as the audience were already immediately made aware of: that said hero is Chloe and she is ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!

Marinette is aware of her being horrible. Adrien is FULLY aware of her being horrible. WE all know she is horrible. But Alya, like most of the city, is enthralled and supportive of her as the “Hero of the City”.

This change immediately created a whole new setup. Where Alya is a fan of a hero while being ignorant to that hero’s true nature. Where WE know and even other characters in the show know, but it’s impossible to convince anyone else of this truth. I’m sure you all know what it’s like watching any character in that sort of situation. It hurts. But not as much as it’s bound to hurt her by the end.

And indeed it does, as it kickstarts what initially starts off as a funny setup where Marinette and others stay quiet and try to be supportive while inwardly cringing as Alya creates and manages a blog dedicated to the worst person ever sans Hawk Moth and Gabriel Agreste.

Adding to this is that said person won’t give Alya or her blog the time of day. Chloe has no respect or appreciation for the level of commitment Alya has or how much Alya helped her to get her fame, and even calls Alya a “stalker” at one point. (Not that she’s technically wrong to be fair, but bear with me.) This is a testament to Chloe’s view of heroism as a whole and her expectations regarding the treatment she should receive. Nevermind that Chloe’s initial rise to the spotlight was in great part because Alya was the one to put said spotlight on her in the first place. Chloe doesn’t acknowledge favors, only what she is owed.

This puts Alya in a difficult position. Unlike Canon, she doesn’t have the support of a hero to promote her blog. She is a teenager with no preexisting status as a reporter and no real connections or backing for people to take her seriously. And in a world of already established media and tons of fans like herself no doubt also trying to make names for themselves in similar niche areas, she has nothing to really make herself stand out. What ends up working for her is the live footage she gets of the akumas and the battles, which is exceedingly dangerous and puts Alya in danger. But to her, it’s worth it to be able to enjoy her two passions.

It is painful. It HURTS me to see Alya so devoted to someone who I know full well doesn’t deserve it and it hurt even MORE to see how Alya was finally forced to face the truth. Her reaction was real. Her difficulty accepting the truth that we all knew from the start and that Alya could have (and probably should have) picked up on as a journalist if she only investigated everything outside of the “Heroes WOW” light.

But this doesn’t make me look badly upon Alya. It’s not entirely her fault. It’s reasonable that Alya wouldn’t have known. Given Scar’s refusal to work with anyone outside of publications that “meet her standards”, Alya hadn’t gotten to interact closely enough with Scar to really see her “in action” so to speak. Not for some time.

Alya does ultimately end up finding the truth, but it’s not the one she initially went searching for. What started out as a love for heroes mixed with her interest in journalism slowly turned into a realization of what heroism actually is and who the true heroes are…and aren’t.

And with this realization comes a new outlook, new alliances, new goals, and a new plan to reveal the truth about Scar and just who is really the hero or the “sidekick” in the heroes team.

This here? This gives Alya purpose. It also emphasizes her role in the story and the impact she has. Because over time, the thing that most showed her flaws and ignorance became a major strength—AND ended up benefiting the city as a whole.

She was the only person who actively tried to help Chat when he was on the run in Copycat and gave him the info to know what was going on and who the true culprit was (especially important because Adrien had NO way of knowing what was going on or why he was being framed and Scar certainly wasn’t going to help).

She gave Lila and others a chance to share their stories that otherwise never would have been told. Especially notable given Alya’s initial dislike of Lila for her lies, something she continued to hold a grudge over for a long time after.

And as a result, she is a major contributor to Scar’s declining popularity as she helps spread the truth. Which adds a nice bit of irony to the situation that the little blog that gave Chloe her start and that she ignored ended up becoming something so major that it destroyed her narrative. 

Alya had been seeking the truth, been blinded to it, struggled to accept it, went out of her way to confirm it, and then shared it. Maybe it’s not as impressive as taking down the akumas directly, but it has a much greater overall impact on the story and helping get some of that sweet sweet karma we’d all been waiting for. And best of all, she does the one thing that many of us have also been wanting for Canon: to have SOMEONE investigate Hawk Moth and realize the puzzle pieces are pointing at Gabriel Agreste. 

If only she could have confirmed it a little sooner…

3. Alya as a Person

Alya is a teenager. She is a teenage girl and that shines in Scarlet Lady.

We see her PUMPED at the discovery of heroes in Paris. We see her genuinely EXCITED over the prospect of being a hero. We see her flip her focus and be SERIOUS over serious and not so serious things. We see her unapologetically and hilariously reject Adrien’s pleas for a trade of jobs only to be a hypocrite and turn around and beg him for the same. We see her get terrifyingly ENRAGED at Nino for changing her script without discussing it with her. We see her be PETTY and RESENTFUL over falling for Lila’s lies. We see her be IN LOVE after Animan. Plus how could I not love her sheer GLEE over getting to face off with Nora?

But what really made me love this Alya and put her leagues above canon is her growth. Growth that she didn't really get in Canon. And a lot of that growth was evident through her discovery of the truth that was right in front of her and how she had gone so long without seeing it.

And when she is finally hit with the reality that her hero is no hero and that she was wrong? It’s hard. No kid wants to admit being wrong about anything, but especially not about a belief like that. Not the idea of heroes and not over your hero specifically. Especially when you realize you spent so LONG devoted to something only to find out you were wrong, other people knew, and you could have/SHOULD have known had you really tried to look.

And Alya….did NOT take it like a champ.

Denial was the name of the game. But her growth came in acknowledging that she was wrong, WHERE she went wrong, and taking steps to move forward with what she knew. Not by doubling down and demanding “evidence” that should have been easy to find if she just looked, but by investigating the truth even if it’s one she knew she wouldn’t like. And even if it involved things she didn’t want to do. To this end, she made up with Lila and the two actually ended up working together to change the tide of public opinion against her over time. 

Let’s note that: She went back on her earlier promise to herself, forgave and worked with someone that she disliked, and let go of her own pride and resentment in order to get to the truth that she originally never wanted to acknowledge.

Alya in Scarlet Lady plays more of a role in the series than she did in Canon. She wasn’t just “Marinette’s best friend” and “Ladybug fangirl” or a tool or prop for setting up certain scenes where Marinette suffers or Adrinette is given a half hearted attempt.

Alya is her own person. She disliked someone the others like or come to like. She adored someone the others and even we as the audience couldn’t stand. She stood up to her sister for herself and with the backing of her friends. She was silly at times for all that she tried to be serious and mature. She was oblivious and opinionated. She was wrong about a core issue to the story.

And that was perfectly okay.

Not because the narrative said so. Not because anything she did was hand waved. Not because Marinette or anyone else was thrown in as a scapegoat to distract attention away from her.

But because Alya is a well-written character with a personality that makes her a PERSON rather than a prop. Which makes her development into a hero feel rewarding rather than an obligation.

4. Alya as a Hero

Okay, Sapotis in Canon wasn’t bad. It worked as a new hero episode. It worked as the FIRST new hero episode. It made sense for Alya to help corral her sisters. I loved Trixx and his subtle means of testing Alya. It also had Alya getting some personal development as she changes from her initial stance of wanting to reveal her identity as a hero to knowing when to keep some truths hidden.

The problem is that lesson didn’t really stick as Alya goes on to demand a truth from Marinette that isn’t her right to know, try to force Marinette to tell a truth when she isn’t ready to reveal it, and betray Marinette’s trust and reveal the secret just to make things easier for herself and her relationship with Nino.

Gotta say, not impressed with Alya as a hero in Canon. Especially given how much the narrative had gone out of its way to keep portraying Alya as being in the right in each instance she was involved in regardless of what she actually did.

Then there’s the matter of the issue of her getting the Fox Miraculous after everything that happened with Lila and the complete LACK of Fox Vs Fox/Alya VS Lila/Truth VS Lies setup that such a setup would have been primed for. And if they weren’t going to do that or even anything with Alya and Trixx, then what was the point of giving Alya the Fox? There was just really nothing else that came out of a truth-seeker like Alya getting a Miraculous specifically involved in setting illusions and how that could develop her character.

@punchlord has already done multiple evaluations of the characters and Miraculous and which ones would best/least fit and why, and has done so much more detailed and eloquently than I can really offer here. Instead, I want to focus on SL!Alya and the changes Zoe made.

Here’s the thing: we all knew going in that Zoe was going to follow Canon for the most part. She admitted as such. We also knew that some kwami-swapping was bound to happen as a result of the changes to the world. Chloe gets the Ladybug. Marinette gets the Bee. Sabrina was bound to get something at some point that wasn’t the Dog. And yes, Lila too.

But NONE of us were expecting that Alya and Nino would swap their Miraculous AND their hero episodes!

And it worked. It worked so well.

Koki Marina is an awesome hero with such a stand-out look. And the one image of her playing with her fluffy hair always makes me smile.

The changes Zoe made vastly improved the Anansi storyline. Nino deserved his own hero episode that wasn’t just focus on him secondary to an issue for Alya and ultimately accomplish nothing on his own while someone else solves the problem for him...twice. And Alya deserved to be the one to deal with Nora and take control of her life.

The thing is, this was an episode with a lesson that was misplaced. Misplaced andmishandled, much like many episodes in the original series.

In Anansi, the biggest problem wasn’t that Nino couldn’t prove he could protect Alya, it was that Nora was overstepping on Alya’s life in the first place, especially when it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t consider that ANYONE ELSE could protect Alya—even the heroes when it is their job to fight the akumas. 

But more specifically, she wasn’t willing to consider that Alya could protect HERSELF. Especially of note considering that by this point in both versions, Alya had been running around and getting involved in the fights with the heroes for blog views. And in Canon specifically, Alya had already been a temp hero—I was surprised and disappointed that Alya didn’t argue more and struggle with NOT revealing that fact in the episode. But I digress…

If Alya was to get a hero episode, this was the better setup for it. And Zoe saw that and provided us that sweet sweet payout, with Alya proving herself and helping to take down her older sister. And just the absolute GLEE she had in doing so. The sort of glee you’d see in any younger sibling getting a chance to take on and show up their older sibling. All the younger siblings out there should know it. 

Plus her and Wayzz bonding, omg they are so cute.

While Canon Sapotis was decent (if not a bit frustrating with the lack of lessons for the twins after all their antics), in my view, SL Anansi actually HIT in all the right ways and felt more satisfying overall in comparison as Alya’s hero episode and ESPECIALLY in comparison to the Canon Anansi itself. 

It’s a good episode with a stable episode-centric arc, where the conflict starts with Alya NOT really being able to face down Nora alone and only manages to overpower Nora in an arm wrestling contest because her friends back her and take on Nora in a 4 on 1 match and overpower her together. This is highlighted later in the episode when Alya faces Nora alone to buy Marigold time and is shown to struggle. Then gets the power boost through the Turtle Miraculous that lets her effectively take her down save her. Cough. Yes. Just save her.

It’s a very empowering story for Alya. But it plays a bigger role than that, too. It’s not just the start of Alya being a hero, it’s also the point where she really starts to turn things around in terms of the overarching story of the comic.

This episode is the follow up to Sapotis, where the other characters are having a sleepover partly to look after the younger kids but also specifically to try and support Alya as she comes to terms with the realization that her hero is a fraud. Yes, Alya already knew that Scar was horrible by the time Anansi happened, but actually being a hero and having to work with Scar gives her an up close and personal look at how Scar treats the other heroes and how much—or rather little she actually does in a crisis.

It’s also the point where Alya seems to gain more confidence and also direct her reporting to a better end. And by the end of the episode, we really see Alya starting to use her skills to this purpose. This is when we get to see Alya actually BE the journalist she wanted to claim she was.

This? Right here? This goes to show that not only does Alya herself make a great hero, but that becoming a hero helped Alya improve herself as well. Which is something we should be seeing more of in such stories with teenagers gaining superpowers.

So all that being said, SL Alya succeeds where her Canon counterpart fails. The narrative points out when she’s wrong. She learns lessons. She is silly at times and acknowledged to be silly. But through it all, she retains the heart that makes her a good friend and the passion that shows her to be not only a journalist, but a HERO in the making.

[luvfae]

Hi! I was wondering if I could request a female reader x Thanos.

What about reader and thanos we’re close before the games both harbouring feelings maybe, but they both have mental health struggles and she is someone who dose things with out thinking of the consequences because she doesn’t care so anyway when they find each other in the games thanos is aware of her tendencies and is like kind of babysitting her.

Like in the first game she makes zero move once she finds out you die and he literally drags her across, and maybe the second game she is always his first choice but she just lays there depressed and cynical and makes sarcastic comments while him and nah gy go around finding team mates or in mingle she makes no move but ofc he always saves her ass, until one night he gives her a rude awakening a harsh pep talk feeling confessing etc. u can put your own spin on it ofc ofc!!

I DON’T CARE

parings: thanos/choi su-bong x f!reader

warnings: swearing, mention of drugs and alcohol, mental health issues, death, blood, typical squid game stuff

You and Thanos had always been a little fucked up.

That’s what made you close.

You met him at a party two years ago—one of those loud, suffocating nights where everyone was either high, drunk, or trying to be. He was leaning against a balcony, smoking, watching the chaos unfold like it was a movie he’d seen a hundred times before.

You had walked up, grabbed the cigarette from his lips, and took a drag without asking.

He had let you.

“You look like you want to jump,” you had said, staring down at the city lights.

He had snorted. “You look like you wouldn’t care if I did.”

That was the start of it.

You weren’t exactly good for each other, but you understood each other. The reckless, self-destructive tendencies. The numbness that came in waves. You never had to explain why you did the things you did—skipping work for days at a time, getting blackout drunk just to feel something, making choices that could ruin you without thinking twice. Because he got it.

And maybe that was why, despite all the tension, all the times you nearly crossed the line from friends to something else, you never did. Because you knew the second you let him have you, you wouldn’t be able to stop.

Then he disappeared.

You heard the rumors—he got into drugs, got into trouble, owed money to the wrong people. You had reached out once, maybe twice, but you never pushed. And eventually, you stopped trying.

Until now.

Until you saw him again.

Your head was pounding. Your body ached. You barely remembered how you got here, only that you had woken up in this fucking tracksuit with the number 067 on your chest and some masked freak telling you to follow the others.

And then—

“No fucking way.”

Your stomach twisted at the sound of his voice.

You turned.

And there he was.

Thanos.

He looked like hell—bruised knuckles, tired eyes, the same cocky smirk that always made you want to punch him in the face.

“Didn’t think I’d see you again,” he said, stepping closer. His gaze flickered over you, as if making sure you were real.

You swallowed. “Yeah. Same.”

Silence stretched between you.

Then he snorted. “I should’ve known you’d end up in some fucked-up shit like this.”

You crossed your arms. “Takes one to know one.”

He huffed a laugh, but there was something behind it. Something tight. Something that made your chest ache.

“How bad?” you asked, voice quieter.

His jaw tensed. “Bad.”

You nodded.

He nodded back.

You didn’t need to say more.

Because he knew what you were asking. And you knew what he wasn’t saying.

And when the sirens blared, when you were herded outside for the first game, when the blood started spilling and the bodies started dropping, you froze.

Gunshots rang out. Bodies collapsed. Screams filled the air, and yet you just stood there, frozen.

You weren’t scared. No, fear would mean you actually cared about living. You simply didn’t see the point. What was the point?

You stood there, staring at the massive doll, blinking slowly as the words “Green Light” echoed in the cold air.

Around you, people were rushing forward, sprinting, their eyes wide with desperation. The tension was palpable, the sound of rapid heartbeats almost deafening as they tried to make it to the end before the next “Red Light.”

You weren’t scared. You weren’t anything. Just numb.

You could hear it—the gasps of fear, the thud of bodies hitting the ground, and then—gunshots.

Someone screamed.

But still, you didn’t move.

The moment it hit you, like a wave crashing over a brittle shore, was that you weren’t just standing still because you were numb. You were standing still because it didn’t matter. If you died here, it wouldn’t matter. If you made it out, what would it change?

Nothing. Everything was pointless.

And that’s when you felt it—Thanos’s hand, strong and relentless, grabbing your wrist, yanking you forward.

“The fuck are you doing?” His voice was a low hiss, filled with fury, but his grip on you didn’t loosen.

Your feet stumbled as you were dragged, fighting for balance. Your mind was foggy, distant, numb to the fear that gripped everyone else. The bloodshed, the screams, the flashing lights—it was like you were standing outside of it all, watching it happen to someone else.

“Move!” Thanos barked, his fingers digging into your skin.

You tried to jerk away, feeling the weight of his grip only tightening.

“I—” You blinked, but your voice felt hollow. “I don’t care.”

The next whistle blew.

Your body jerked with the momentum of his tug, and for a moment, you didn’t feel the ground under your feet. Thanos’s arm wrapped around your waist, lifting you, pulling you through the crowd of bodies that were tumbling and falling like leaves in a storm.

Gunshots rang out in the background. You could see it now—people, falling. Bodies collapsing like ragdolls.

But you didn’t care.

“You wanna die?” Thanos’s voice was harsh, just an inch from your ear, filled with raw anger.

You blinked slowly. “I don’t care,” you repeated, though the words felt strange in your mouth. Almost like a lie you’d told yourself for so long that you’d forgotten what it really meant.

Thanos’s grip tightened. He wasn’t listening, not to your words. He wasn’t letting you slip into that void again. His eyes were wide, jaw clenched, the muscle in his neck pulsing with barely contained frustration. The whistle blew again.

“Shut the fuck up,” he muttered, lifting you off your feet entirely now, dragging you forward like you weighed nothing.

He didn’t give you a choice. He didn’t care that you didn’t care. He was going to keep you alive, even if it meant forcing you to fight against the numbness that consumed you.

By the time the countdown ended, you were nearly at the finish line. Your heart thudded in your chest—not from fear, not from adrenaline, but because of the strange, foreign sensation of being pulled back from the edge.

Thanos pushed you across the line. He was breathless, chest heaving from the physical strain of pulling you. His grip on your waist loosened only when the game ended, and the crowd’s screams faded.

When it was over, when the air cleared, you leaned back against the cold wall, your body sliding down to the ground, exhaustion settling in.

Thanos stood there, staring at you, chest heaving in rhythm with yours. His eyes narrowed with something dangerous, something you hadn’t seen before. Something deeper than anger.

“You’re fucking crazy,” he spat, but it lacked the usual humor.

You didn’t answer. You just sat there, staring at the floor. The adrenaline was leaving your system, and all you had left was the heaviness of everything—the gunshots, the blood, the screams.

“I don’t care,” you whispered, almost to yourself.

Thanos crouched in front of you, eyes intense, searching your face for something he didn’t know how to find. Something that he needed to fix.

“No,” he snapped, his hand reaching out to grip your chin, forcing you to look at him. “We’re not doing this. Not anymore.”

His fingers dug into your skin, the intensity in his gaze so powerful that you couldn’t look away, even though part of you wanted to. His voice softened, but there was no less fire in it. “I won’t let you throw yourself away.”

Your chest tightened. Something deep inside of you stirred, but it was fleeting. You felt vulnerable, stripped bare in front of him.

“I won’t let you die,” he muttered, more to himself than to you, his thumb gently brushing over your skin like it could erase everything you were running from.

You felt the ache in your chest then, the crack that began to form from the pressure of his words. The weight of his care.

And for a second, just a second, it felt like you were actually seen.

—

The next day when the guards announced the next game, you didn’t bother to move. You just sat there, your arms resting on your knees, watching the other players scramble to form teams, trying to sort out the chaos of who was going to be their partner. You could hear the shuffling of feet, the anxious whispers, the desperation in every movement. But none of it touched you. You were past it.

“Get up.”

Thanos’s voice cut through the haze of indifference surrounding you. He was standing over you, his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed.

You didn’t respond right away. Instead, you tilted your head back, staring at the high ceiling above, your mind drifting. He could wait.

“I’m not asking, sweetheart.” His voice was firm now, sharp like a warning. “Get up.”

You sighed, the weight of the world pressing on your chest. This wasn’t even the worst of it. You glanced at him briefly, and for a second, something flickered in your chest—a feeling, a pulse of something that made you almost want to smile. Almost.

You dragged yourself up from the floor with exaggerated slowness, not bothering to hide the way your limbs felt heavy, as if your body didn’t belong to you anymore. The sound of the other players forming teams, their voices blending into the background, became distant.

Thanos didn’t wait for you to make a move. His hand shot out, grabbing your wrist, pulling you with him toward the group that was gathering to select their partners.

“You’re with me,” he said, without asking, without giving you any say in it. His words weren’t a request—they were a demand.

You raised an eyebrow, raising your free hand to smooth your hair back. “Thanos, you need five people, not just one. Go find your three others.”

He didn’t even look at you as he grunted. “Get up. We’re doing this.”

You weren’t sure why it annoyed you. Maybe it was the way he thought he could just make decisions for you like that, or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t want to give a shit about anything anymore. But instead of arguing, you flopped back against the wall, letting out a deep sigh. “You’re so bossy.”

“I swear, if you don’t—”

“You’ll what?” you asked lazily, watching the other players scramble like rats. “Let me die?”

He stared at you, jaw clenched, clearly fighting the urge to snap at you. You saw the anger flaring in his eyes, the protective instinct swirling beneath the surface. But he said nothing. He didn’t yell at you. He just turned and walked away, a look of frustration flashing across his face.

It was strange. Normally, you’d see that and feel some sick satisfaction. But today, it left you empty, like the familiar edge of tension between you and him had dulled.

After a few moments, he came back. You didn’t look up from where you were sprawled on the floor, your legs stretched out in front of you.

Thanos took the spot next to you. He didn’t say anything. He just sat there, silent, his eyes scanning the group. You could tell he was waiting for you to make a move, to show some sign that you were still capable of caring about something.

But you didn’t. You didn’t move.

And maybe that was why, when he spoke again, his voice was softer, quieter. “Come on. We’ve got to find one more person.”

You didn’t answer him. You just kept staring ahead, your eyes unfocused.

Thanos cursed under his breath. “Fine. Stay here. I don’t give a shit. But we’re playing this fucking game.”

When you didn’t react, he stood up, dragging a reluctant Nam-Gyu over to form the rest of the team. You could hear them talking quietly for a moment, but it barely registered in your head.

You hadn’t realized how much it hurt, how much the detachment had taken a toll on you, until you felt him next to you again, the weight of his presence a reminder that something—someone—still cared.

It was just a fleeting moment, but it stung.

“You with me or what?”

You finally looked up at him. The frustration in his eyes hadn’t faded, but there was something else there, something deeper, almost like he was begging you to show up.

You stood without a word, dusting yourself off as you followed him to the designated area.

Thanos didn’t say anything else as the game began. He just watched you, his eyes never leaving you as you moved through the tasks. His hands were steady, precise, but every time you stumbled, he was there to catch you. His grip on your arm was always firm, as if he were trying to anchor you to this world, to this moment where you were still alive.

Every time you fell behind, he didn’t yell. He didn’t berate you. He just pulled you up and kept you going.

And for the first time in a long while, you didn’t feel like you were fighting the game. You weren’t fighting him either.

You were fighting with him.

And as the game stretched on, the realization hit you: this wasn’t just about survival anymore. Thanos wasn’t just keeping you alive because of some unspoken duty or because he had no other choice.

He was doing it because he wanted to.

You couldn’t quite understand it, but you didn’t mind it. Not anymore.

—

The next game felt like a cruel joke.

You stood at the edge of the group, your mind numb to the urgency that seemed to swallow the others whole. The guards had explained the rules—nothing complicated, just survival—yet your body remained unmoving, despite the chaos unfolding around you.

Most of the players immediately scrambled, eyes wide, feet shuffling as they sought safety. You could hear the hurried breaths of your fellow players, the scrape of shoes against the concrete floor, the soft sounds of bodies rushing and tumbling in all directions. Yet, you just… didn’t care.

Everyone else seemed like they were fighting for their lives, but you?

You were waiting for it all to end.

And then, just like that, you felt the heat of a body next to yours. His scent—leather, sweat, something familiar—struck you before you even saw him.

“Nope,” Thanos muttered under his breath as his hand shot out, grabbing your wrist before you could even process what was happening.

You blinked, the numbness in your mind finally starting to fade as he yanked you toward him, pulling you into his space like he’d done countless times before. “Not today,” he said firmly, his voice low with that undercurrent of protectiveness that you had come to know so well.

You didn’t fight him. Not this time. His grip was strong, secure, and for once, you allowed yourself to lean into it. You didn’t want to make the effort to run or find a spot of safety. So you didn’t.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you muttered, looking up at him, your voice quieter than you intended.

Thanos glanced down at you, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Yes, I fucking did,” he replied, his tone hard, his grip never faltering.

You stayed quiet as he pulled you into an empty room, positioning you closer to the wall, where the guards couldn’t reach as easily if for some reason they decided to kill you. But it was more than that—he was keeping you close, making sure no one else could get too near, too close.

You hated how much it comforted you.

The minutes ticked by, the guards’ voices harsh in the background, and still, you stood there, pressed against him. His body was warm, solid, like a shield. You didn’t think about how strange it felt to have him act like this—to be the one protecting you. No, you just let him, because for once, it felt like you had a reason to stay.

You weren’t sure how much time passed, but it was enough for the panic to begin to settle. Enough for you to breathe again. You weren’t entirely safe, not yet. But for the first time in days, you weren’t just surviving; you were simply existing.

And it felt like an eternity before the sirens sounded, signaling the end of the game. The crowd around you began to move, restless and relieved.

Thanos released his hold on you just slightly, but he didn’t step away. His fingers lingered for a moment before dropping to his side.

“Think you can make it on your own?” His voice was quieter now, laced with something you couldn’t quite place.

You blinked, suddenly aware of how close the two of you still were, the heat between you both suddenly charging the air in a way that made your chest tighten.

“Maybe,” you muttered, looking away. “But you’re not exactly a bad guy to have around.”

Thanos snorted, a dark humor creeping into his voice. “Don’t get used to it.”

But you could feel his eyes on you, and despite everything—despite the absurdity of it all—you felt something inside shift. The games weren’t over, but something between you and Thanos had already changed.

And you weren’t sure if you could go back.

—

That night, Thanos snapped.

“I can’t keep babysitting you,” he growled, pacing in front of you.

You sat on the floor, arms wrapped around your knees, staring ahead blankly. “I never asked you to.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah? Then what, I should’ve let you fucking die?”

You didn’t answer.

That only pissed him off more.

“You act like nothing matters. Like you don’t give a shit if you live or die. But guess what, sweetheart?” He crouched in front of you, gripping your chin, forcing your eyes on him.

“I give a shit.”

Your breath caught.

He shook his head. “I don’t know what the fuck happened to you. I don’t know why you’re like this. But you do not get to throw yourself away.” His voice dropped lower. “Not when I—”

His grip faltered. His expression twisted.

Not when I care about you.

The words never came, but you felt them.

Something deep inside you cracked.

You swallowed hard. Your throat burned. Your chest ached. The weight of his words, of everything you’d been avoiding, came crashing down on you all at once.

For the first time in days, you felt something.

And you weren’t sure if that terrified you more than the games themselves.

But one thing was clear.

For Thanos, you’d try.

Even if you didn’t know how.

Something had changed.

It was subtle, but it was there.

Thanos didn’t say anything after that night—no more lectures, no more scolding. He just sat with you in the dark, his shoulder pressed against yours, and let the silence stretch between you.

But you could feel it. The weight of his words. The rawness in his voice when he said, I give a shit.

And maybe, just maybe, you had started to give a shit too.

Because the next morning, when the guards announced the next game, you didn’t drag your feet. You stood up. You followed. You let Thanos find you in the crowd without him having to pull you by the wrist.

You saw the way he looked at you—like he noticed the change, like he was waiting for you to slip back into that numb, hollow state again.

You didn’t.

Not yet.

[thydungeongal]

Hey! Your posts talking about "if you're ignoring the rules in a game, maybe play a different game" got me thinking how much homebrew, in your opinion, is enough to still be enjoying the game vs just play something else? Personally I love this energy and its inspired me to push my table top group to try some new systems i had been collecting, I was just curious from a kind of thought experiment point of view

I don't think there's anything wrong about creating homebrew content as such and in many ways our hobby is founded on tinkering with the rules of games that came before until at some point it made sense to just turn it into a different game. But I can't quite remember who said it here, but the thing is that homebrewing and house-ruling are a sort of a game of diminishing returns where at some point you are just better off not tinkering with that thang and either just designing your own game or finding a game that already does more of the things you're looking for than what you're starting with.

That last part is important, because even though there are new ideas being come up with in the TTRPG space all the time, a very common issue with a lot of house rules and homebrew content I see posted is that they're effectively rehashing things that have already been done by a game where the rest of the gameplay has also been built in a way so as to support it. At worst you end up with someone posting about their extremely "innovative" RPG project whose main selling point is that. It doesn't have classes or a level cap.

So yeah, homebrew is not bad in and of itself, but past a certain point you'll save yourself a lot more trouble just finding a game better suited to your needs. And a lot of time spent doing homebrew that only patches perceived issues (which often are just a misalignment with personal preference and the sort of playstyle a game natively produces) would actually be better spent broadening one's understanding of the medium.

[fatedstrands]

Astarion smiles at the broker, easily taking center stage again so he can fade to the background when his mind made him need to be hidden. He places himself firmly between Jayce and the ring of members, a guard to keep him out of their view.

"As you can see, each window, door and internal pieces were installed with devices. My colleague couldn't enter the building at first but found a way in due to a small vulnerability." He explains calmly, Jayce's eyes flicking to Badou but he focuses entirely on Astarion.

"So you admit it wasn't guarded." Mel speaks up, earning a soft huff from the elf.

"It was highly guarded with the tools that my client had at the time. If he had been sanctioned by the academy and given their more in depth protections, this never would have happened. That, and my colleague has been my apprentice since he was young. A few thousand years gives one an upper hand with breaking into places. Wouldn't you agree, Heimerdinger?" His smile is thin, curt, earning the critter more stares. "Though, I suppose I could say the same to you, Irius. I distinctly remember something about a decade ago-"

"Enough!" The synthetic whirring of the mans machines sparked with panicked anger, earning a shrug from the elf.

"What is your point in all of this?" Heimerdinger's voice rose up, eyes staring down at the elf who just hummed.

"Magic would have prevented the break in in the first place." The room grew tense, the machine already arguing about magic destroying his race, but the elf just clicked his fingers, a resounding click forming on window coverings and the door moments before there was thudding on the other side.

"Illegal use of-"

"Section five paragraph eight of the magical treaty act states beings of magic can use such for survival and thriving purposes so long as it doesn't upset the balance of society, through destruction, devastation or causes severe issues with infrastructure." He counters before she could finish, flicking a hand at Mel to make her sit back down.

It's then that he flashes a wide grin, revealing the elongated fangs, the veil on his eyes dropping so blue becomes red.

"Now that we're all locked in a room with a vampire with magic, let's perk our ears and listen yes?" He produces the blue orb, earning tension from Jayce and everyone else who knew. "This is a raw arcane stone, is it not?"

"Yes, please be careful with that! It's what caused the explosion." Jayce whined slightly in his fear, which had Astarion grinning.

"How sensitive is this stone Jayce?" He turned to the man now who shifted, ducking his head. "From your knowledge, I know it's still new to you."

"Dropping it from chest height on an adult would likely cause it to grow reactive, any further jostling would cause an explosion like what happened in my shop." He looks to his feet as whispers spill out around the court. "It was just trying to-" When red turned to him he fell quiet, though looked more like a kicked puppy.

"Raw arcane stones are hard to come by and highly picky when handled incorrectly. However, you'd devised mechanical casings for these stones to be safe for transport. Something unheard of." He then rolls the orb in his hand. "You know something else that would protect these from their destructive habits?" He looks to Jayce who just shakes his head uncertainly.

It's then Astarion pelts the stone at the council, everyone screaming in shock, only for it to crack the stone, imbedding in the surface harmlessly. Everyone stared in horror and confusion, all except heimerdinger.

"A high level mage infusing a small magical barrier that causes the stone to be stable, even when pelting it at the full force of a well fed vampire." This had eyes slowly turning to him, lips curling. "But most of you would know that, wouldn't you?" He smirked as they all looked uncertain, unsure.

"Oh... Oh right, they stopped teaching about magic nearly a century ago, didn't they? Because of the manic mages or something, right. So you wouldn't know how to deal with magical issues such as this." He clicked his tongue before shaking his head, turning to Jayce. "Now. What was it you were wanting to do with your technology. You can say it now." Jayce looked uncertain, but he shifted.

"I was trying to create magic, harnessed by technology, for those in need." When eyes fell on him, he shifted stronger as Astarion did. "I was so close, I just got the last of what I needed, I would have had a breakthrough if-" he stops, deflating, because he had no proof he was close.

"You know. I'm not the best with all this tech stuff, but in my prime, we called people like you artificers." Jayce looked to him then, hope building as Astarion smiled. "Back then, technology terrified the masses because it wasn't 'natural'. Yet here we stand, surrounded by it." He smiles, facing the council again.

"Had my client had access to the protections he was working for, or been allowed a mage to aid his protection of the stones, the event never would have happened. Despite this, his guards prevented the debris from falling to the street, piled instead on the balcony and against the released netting from his machines. No one was in danger due to his personal paranoia around the items he was using." He heard the shouting from beyond the door, simply smiling to them as he stood boldly in the sunlight spotlight despite his species.

"He did everything in his power to protect the people whilst chasing progress, just as he'd been taught to by the academy, by the council, by the high society. Only, the progress he was hunting, was to benefit the workers and lower class, to help them and better their lives, just as his sponsors had taught him." He watches everyone grow uncertain.

"You aren't meant to be here." It's small, a tiny argument from the human Torman.

"Those doors don't open until my client is freed. There is no wrong doing here. I ask for one month for him to prove his thesis. I suspect after that month, the council will be begging for him to work with them." There was scoffs and snorts all around.

"One week." Mel cut through the nonsense, earning Astarion's interest.

"One week and I get to aid him as an Arcane advisor and aid." He plucks the glowing stone from it's resting place, chucking it to Badou. "Lest we have another explosion due to thieves. A fancy place like that with all those strange pieces of tech made a target despite it being for other's safety. Magic is much more subtle." When everyone stared blandly Heimerdinger spoke up at last.

"One week, with the academy's blessing. He can collect his things and work on academy grounds with my assistant. His work is not to leave the grounds." Astarion bowed, the magic on the doors and windows releasing as he did. "The guards will uncuff mister Jayce and you are hereby ordered to remain at his workspace to ensure nothing goes wrong. Moving forward, it's on your neck, Astarion Ancunin." The elf winked to the critter before turning to the enforcers looking puzzled that they weren't taking the elf out, but led the trio back down out of the room.

"I told you you'd play a minor role, Badou." The elf purred to his apprentice.

Badou had spent the last couple of days working with little sleep, and only whatever food he could eat quickly and without much fuss or thought. He'd worked hard to get all the information he thought they'd need for this trial, to get Jayce the best defense they can-- even if they can't get him completely out of trouble, at least let him stand a chance!

He also wasn't informed until the last minute that he'd have a part in this play, so that was just great. He would have....well, not changed or anything.

When that light hits him, he squints, then squares his shoulders. The info broker lets that gaze flicker around the room before landing on Jayce. He mouths something, probably an apology, before he begins.

He opens the folder he's got and slides the pictures across that expansive table.

"Exhibit one-- the setting."

[rei-ismyname]

X-Men #11 Review

To be honest, this one was underwhelming. There's always something worthy of commentary, it just feels like not much happens and it doesn't quite feel like a full issue - perhaps because it bucks the Marvel formula of the three Cs - conflict, choice, and conclusion.

Stuff certainly happens but nothing that couldn't be summed up in a few sentences at the start of next issue. The last three issues have all had high stakes, for better or worse, and without room to breathe tension burns out.

The Raid on Graymalkin is over but not much has changed, Agent Fucko and the O*N*E have stood down, and everyone is moving on. I didn't expect to see a discussion about recent events but I really want one. Serious shit has gone down very recently and all these people should have opinions on that. The X-Men are used to constant drama but still ... it feels like those events didn't matter and the characters feel thinner for it. It's said that the O*N*E visit was 'earlier' yet Beast is standing and relaxed despite being beaten badly. Maybe Xorn is that good a healer.

After a cold open on some kind of space bullshit crashing nearby, we cut to Beast and Jen Starkey running some tests on her mutation. They're on an awkward first name basis after she reminds him but they're getting along well enough. Hank theorises that she's a metamorph of some kind and tests that hypothesis. Flying seems like a risky place to start but I'm not a scientist. Fortunately he's right and she's not a reality warper or something - she grows wings and assumes avian features. Cool. We move on from them as the plot is happening to other people. Nice to see you both, say hi to Magneto for me.

Whatever crashed is making a beeline for Merle, and Scott feels the O*N*E visit has already disrupted the town enough for one day. If it wasn't coming for them he says it would be none of their business, which is understandable. The X-Men have so many red alert crises and threats coming for them that they couldn't operate as traditional superheroes even if they wanted to. I think that might be this book's identity - Cyclops and friends playing whack-a-mole with endless mutant problems. Although, in other books they're expanding the scope. They're fighting one of Cyttorak's kids right now in Amazing Spider-Man, they've agreed to be on call to the Avengers and have an alliance of sorts; though when all the heroes gather for One World Under DOOM the only mutant present is Storm. Maybe they're in space due to this issue, but the degree of connectivity feels inconsistent. That's often been a thing with X-books, except it's been explicitly set up in Avengers so I don't know what to think.

The banter is cute and the ad hoc points system adorable, but it's mood whiplash considering there's been no time skip since the last 3 intense issues. Maybe I'm nitpicking. I've certainly been known to. People who aren't able to decompress after high stress situations often turn to humour to cope. Something I find myself saying with this book a lot is 'I guess we'll see if it's followed up on.' Given the amount of dangling plot threads and character beats I can't help but feel that the book doesn't deserve that grace. I'll come back to that.

Moving on, Scott needs to be captured by alien bounty hunters and this is how it happens. The visitor from space is Scott's deadbeat dad, Corsair. He's here to warn him that he's got a huge battalion after him, but he really doesn't prioritise it. They greet warmly but Scott is suspicious of his motives, an attitude he had in Phoenix but one that's at odds with other recent history. Whatever - Corsair sucks and he deserves to get called out.

Haha! Krakoa callbacks have been pretty inconsistent, but this is definitely a fun one to dredge up. The Starjammers did abandon the New Mutants to Shi'Ar prison for petty reasons and Magik remembers. She interrupts Scott's interrogation and punches the old geezer in the face. Good for her. Space jail sucks and that's dry snitching.

It's interrupted by Beast detecting even more space bullshit with his instruments. A space whale carrying a whole bunch of aliens is rolling up. So that's what the situation is, thanks Corsair.

'For you. They're here for you.' Not hard.

Err, you didn't really say that, Corsair. Sure, you used that word, but there was no sense of urgency when you could have just said 'aliens are coming to get you, Scott Summers, very soon. It's an emergency.' Even after getting angry he talks about himself and deflects. Just fucking tell them what's happening dude. 'They' is vague and you basically wasted your time. He's not even finished blundering.

The X-Men leap into action with Scott assuming the bounty hunters are here for Corsair - a VERY reasonable assumption. That they're actually here for Scott is very strange. I think Scott taking the situation at face value would be correct 99% of the time - Corsair is a dodgy space pirate who's always being chased by bounty hunters whereas Scott is a Shi'Ar ally and on decent terms with the Kree-Skrull empire. As Corsair admits, he has a 2.5 million credit bounty on his head. No idea what the exchange rate is but it sounds like a lot. I wonder if they're still using Mysterium as a currency and store of value.

There's been some big changes in galactic politics recently in response to Jean and Phoenix cruising around. Gladiator freaked out about it and long story short the Galactic Council put Thanos in charge. They shouldn't be able to do that but mind control is probably involved. Hulkling, Wiccan, or Xandra have been strangely absent. Anyway, failing to get across that they're after Scott is such a blunder I have to wonder if it's not a betrayal. Corsair is an idiot, but that makes this an idiot plot. His and Scott's argument ends up being a pointless waste of time - just taking up page space.

Temper scorches the poor whale, lucky it's lobotomized. The X-Men come through a portal onto the whale ship and raise hell. It's always nice to see how effectively the team work together, though we've just had an event full of pointless violence. Scott thinks he's rescuing his dad but he's really charging into a trap. Corsair eventually convinces Quentin to let him into the telepathic group chat and HE STILL YAPS ABOUT IRRELEVANT INFORMATION. Fuck, just tell him they're here for him; Scott doesn't need to know about the economics of interstellar travel right now.

'I came to warn you, son. I'll do so after including as much extraneous information as possible.' Corsair manages to spit it out only after Scott has already realised something is up. The bounty hunters are wearing Ruby Quartz armor (which is pretty cool) and they've got Cyclops surrounded. Seems like Magik could get him out of there pretty easily, or Scott could blow a hole in the floor. Juggernaut, famously, can't be stopped - surely he can take out these chumps.

Only now do we get 'they're after you.' Three words that he could have said at any time, or even thought it at either of the two telepaths present. He even has a ship-to-speeder communicator that he could have used to get to the point. It's necessary to have characters make mistakes and have errors in communication. It's a reliable and relatable source of drama. Filling half the issue with Corsair dropping out of the sky and saying plenty of words that don't advance the plot or characters in a believable way feels like pointless filler. Corsair has had more dialogue than Glob, Xorn, and Ben Liu - all ongoing characters - and all of it served no purpose. You could remove him from this issue without affecting anything. As I said in the intro, stuff happens, but nothing that couldn't be summed up in a few sentences for the next issue.

Now that Corsair has said what he came to say he's wallpaper. Good. Idie and Quentin are looking to support their teammates when fucking Alpha Flight arrive to help (I think?) A Beaubier-less Alpha Flight is not particularly interesting to me, but I like most of them. They all got imprisoned by ORCHIS during Fall of X for supporting mutants. Definitely cool behaviour, and Puck is generally rad (not sure if he's here) but I there's one member who can go fuck himself.

James MacDonald Hudson is the worst. He's ostensibly a hero but he does a lot of reactionary bootlicking. He briefly joined ORCHIS out of fear of mutants but got cold feet when Australia was nearly destroyed. I'll rant about him another time, but woo - Alpha Flight are here to support the X-Men. Maybe the space bullshit will only take up one more issue. It ends there, so we'll find out next time.

Around issue #5 of this run I stated that I was starting to notice the narrative formula. Each issue will focus on a handful of characters while introducing some new crisis, the rest of the team will get a few panels at best, there'll be some action squeezed in somewhere and then it'll end on a cliffhanger. The cumulative effect is that the plot is glacially slow, the characters have one or two defining traits/issues, and most plot points dangle as crisis after crisis gets piled on.

Even the plot points that have been revisited haven't been resolved in any way, like Graymalkin or the ongoing O*N*E cold war. Here's a list of the dangling plot threads and character beats I could think of without rereading.

- 3K and the adult mutants

- Cassandra Nova

- R-LDS

- The Upstarts

- Graymalkin prison

- The O*N*E

- Scott's anxiety attack

- Piper Cobb

- Magik's chess game

- Idie's problems with authority and teamwork

- Magneto. Just Magneto. He's there but has little to say

- The Phoenix

- Beef with Rogue

- King Bedlam's price

Any one of these things would usually be a priority to deal with or at least discuss. I feel like it devalues their importance to just introduce a new problem almost every issue and it makes it harder to get invested in events as they unfold. This issue, for instance - I suspect it'll be resolved next issue and not spoken about again. Or, it will be a drawn out space adventure like the old days and all the Earthly problems will be put on the backburner. Either way it's a problem caused by frontloading all these crises and continually stacking them on top of one another.

There are moments of solid execution and meaningful character work, but when everything is a crisis nothing is. X-Men #11 looks pretty good, as usual, but it's entirely skippable. If you are a big Corsair fan and want 10 pages of him failing a simple task then this book is for you, but if not you can get everything you need from the intro blurb next issue.

[eldraftsman]

Amazing analysis for Endo's way of choosing colors and composition in creating special ilustrations. Now I can understand why I really love Endo's ilustrations (I hope one day he release the artbook)

Anyway, further question, can you explain why I feel that Endo has a different style when using double spreads?

Idk the exact reasons. But I get the feeling that Endo use it differently than other mangaka.

Thank you 🥰🥰

Oh, thank YOU. Glad to talk about art theory any day, any week. As to why those illustrations feel so different, it's because the illustrations are actually approached a little different than his manga pages. This is gonna get a little technical so let's start slow. First thing to remember is that illustrations, drawing and paintings are an abstraction of how we as humans perceive the natural world. How close to reality an art piece aims to be determines what the best approach the artist takes to mimic the different objects and optic phenomena in an image. Materials, lights, shadows, and so on get represented with different techniques depending on the intended result.

Excerpt from "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud about cartooning. In manga in particular this is also informed by the limitation of works being primarily printed black and white. Not getting into the weeds of the historical background behind this situation, but this particular restriction means manga artists approach their pieces with only blacks and whites in mind. They need the most visual clarity on the lines, the contrast decided by just two polar extremes, mitigated partially with half tones(which due to the printing technology, use of proper black ink and nothing else requires halftones to be also pure black spread across specific patterns) and generally speaking this creates an entire visual language they're subject to.

Depending on the artist's level of skill, their intended tone, their choices in abstraction and just their aesthetic preferences(among other things), you get whatever they choose to show and emphasize with these relatively restrictive visual means. Manga series with a softer look may use halftones for the shadows while series that aim for more visually heavy styles(be it for the sake of action or drama) tend to use hatching techniques to portray the shadows. A mixture of the two is also possible, but different series aimed to different demographics will have more pronounced preferences. It's also not limited to this dichotomy(as some series might use solid black for the shadows depending on the context) but these are the most popular options. Keep in mind how rarely you see proper fades in manga. The rare occassion you see those, they're still small black dots.

On the left, different techniques of hatching. On the right, a fade from grey to white. As to why this long preamble? Because the available choices broaden immensely the moment you introduce color into the equation as literal millions of possibilities open up to convey more varied visual information. Even technologically, proper fades become a non issue. And yet... how much different mangaka take advtantage out of this varies from person to person. Some draw pretty much the same way as they would normally. They use the same types of hatching, the same black lines, or even blotches of solid black where they could easily introduce a different color that blends more harmoniously with the rest. Look at this One Piece illustration for instance.

The color is vivid, the shadows fairly intricate (replacing the usual hatching with the appropriate colors) and there's some bright highlights that you don't see in the black and white pages... and yet, there's still a LOT of solid black. Luffy's Cape and hair, Zoro's clothes, Perona's dress, you name it. Even the white lines and cross-hatching to separate black shapes is there. Many of the staples of Eiichiro Oda's work in black and white remain exactly the same.

Another example of this same approach would be this color spread from Naruto by Masashi Kishimoto.

This one takes even less advantage of the possibilities of coloring outside the obvious. While to his credit the saturation is a lot less overblown than the last example I used of his, the shadows are already defined quite a lot by the hatching(look at the head and neck of the horse in front) and we got once again some pitch black areas like one of Naruto's belts and Sasuke's hair. The approach almost comes across as a normal manga page where instead of half tones they used color sharpies. The colors do give the image personality and make it easier to read but hardly add any extra definition to the subjects. Now, let's take a look at someone who does the complete opposite and uses painting techniques not available in a black and white drawing for a color illustration in a way that is not quite a drawing at all anymore.

If you look at the volume covers from Berserk by the halfway point of the story, you're going to notice that there's not really much you could call lines per se, nor a trace of hatching, instead using varying shades of color and brushtrokes to depict the characters. Like proper classical painting, Kentaro Miura's composition here operates on light and shadow zones that create "lines" where they intersect, but most of the picture doesn't really have harsh contours of a definitive color to define the outline.

This is not in small part because it IS a proper oil painting, mind you. You can even see the small dots of the intersections in the cloth of the canvas. Regardless of how it was achieved, though, it's tonally approrpiate and aesthetically enriches the manga it comes from... but a far cry from the rest of the artwork from the same series, which instead borrows from engraving with exquisite, extensive hatching.

Finally, Endo's approach... which is something akin to the middle point of these extremes. It keeps many of the same qualities of his black and white work, but uses color to do things he usually chooses to substract for the sake of visual clarity that would get cluttered with greys and blacks. Let's compare two drawings of Yor, and see how these differences in technique affect the character design.

Even in a context where the manga illustration is supposed to be a soft "Shoujo Filter"-esque moment, the hair is mostly a flat black, the shadows a single semitone, the bright part on the lower iris achieved by hatching(with the highlight being plain white), and the lips are a single line. Now compare to that face on the cover of Volume 3. The lines are already both a little thicker and of varied colors, but the shading and lighting is notoriously more complex. You have soft shadows, harsh shadows, bounce lights(which is the light that bounces from a separate surface onto the main subject, or even other parts of the subject like the light skin tone in front of her bangs), rim lights(the iluminated edge of a shape from a separate source of light from elsewhere, like the side of her neck), and so on. Furthermore, the color is used to give definition to aspects that are not drawn at all in the manga panel, such as a light rubor to Yor's cheeks or her lips being colored at all while also getting the appropriate highlight. Even the eyes gain a lot of depth due to color being used to establish points where there's more light in the iris. Let's remember the iris has an inner curvature so there's points on the lower half that will still look brighter. These details are hardly paid much mind in the black and white artwork but get emphasized with additional colors.

Of course, it HAS to be noted that even the same artist might take a different approach to color and linework depending on the illustration and Endo himself uses more flat coloring in some color spreads.But overall, that's what it boils down to. Compared to a lot of mangaka, Endo uses color to unlock details and definition from the characters and objects he usually subtracts in black and white. Anyway, these are some of the basic observations I have to offer on the subject. I could go on with more detail about things like texture, and other different approaches from other mangaka that could be considered middle points themselves in this haphazardly made scale of "black and white VS color techniques", but I hope this helped explain something about this question.

[goquokka00]

SKZ vs Shark Week (Minho ver.)

How would each member of Stray Kids handle you while you're on your period?

BANGCHAN | MINHO | CHANGBIN | HYUNJIN JISUNG | FELIX | SEUNGMIN | JEONGIN

WARNING: This is a female reader going through their period. If the topic of a period/anything that has to do with a period makes you uncomfortable, then don't read it. Just remember that there's nothing wrong with a woman's period. It's a perfectly healthy body function :)

THE MOODS When your period is close to arriving, it's very safe to say that you become an absolute nightmare. Even Minho thinks so. Your mood swings are seriously no joke, and so when you woke up crying only to yell at Minho for no reason, Minho knew that your period was close. Oh, joy.

The issue with this is that one itty bitty slip up from Minho would just send wave after wave of emotion, and Minho barely had time to recover before the next switch. If he accidentally brushes his hand against your chest, it's game over. He's getting chewed out about how he's always trying to have sex, and then the next minute your in tears because you feel bad about yelling at him.

So, how does Minho help you? He can't. There's no saving you. All he can do is just take blow after blow, apologize for something that really wasn't a big deal, listen, and comfort you. Carefully. He knew it wasn't you and it was just hormones. He could just pick at you after your period was done.

THE BLOOD God, you think your mood swings are bad? Your flow is worse. You only bleed for 3 days, but holy hell, you bled and you bled HARD. A lot of times, you were on the toilet for the majority of the day because your flow was so bad. And when you weren't, you had to wear a heavy duty pad and a heavy duty tampon. Fucking sucks.

Minho, understanding this, usually does his best to support you. Sometimes, if you're in the bathroom on the toilet just to let blood drain, he'll come in and play games with you. If you don't want him in the bathroom, you and him will do local play video games so you aren't completely alone. And if you're walking around, he'll set up small dates for you both to do at home since you'd rather die than go out in public when your uterus is ripping itself to shreds and making a tidal wave of blood.

THE PAIN Thankfully, you don't deal with too much pain. God decided to have some mercy. Key word? Some. While you didn't deal with pain, you did deal with constipation, bloating, and extreme nausea. It...it was bad.

So what does Minho do? First, he makes sure you're drinking enough. He'll also make sure you eat at least something. He knows that you genuinely don't feel good and are really queasy until your period eases it's choke hold on you, and so he doesn't force you to eat a bunch. But he'll still give you some rice and eggs or foods that'll stick in you instead of making you feel like throwing up.

And once your nausea and bloating is gone, he'll make you whatever you're craving, making sure that the food will also help your intestines loosen up so you aren't uncomfortable when you sit down or move around.

THE PRODUCT There's not a whole lot that Minho can do for you on your period. It kills him every single time, and so he'll always help wherever he can. And if that means running to the store to get you what you need? He's on it.

He knows exactly what you prefer and use, and so he will make sure to buy a lot of it since you go through it quickly. There's zero complaining, zero whining, zero teasing. He's doing whatever he can so you suffer less.

And of course, he's getting anything else that you ask for as well. You want a coffee from a place that's 30 minutes away? Bet, he'll happily go and get it for you. You want croissants? He'll make them from scratch. You want Felix's brownies? Well, Felix is coming over to bake them right here for you. Simple as that.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist: @miss-daisy04 @kayleefriedchicken @wolfs-archive @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @wolfs-howling @rose-w-00-d

[creature-wizard]

Found some stories from people who realized their SRA/repressed memory therapists were a bunch of quacks. Lots of CWs for talk of severe abuse and some occasional disturbing activities. If you can stomach it, it's worth a read because it shows just how bad these therapists could get with malpractice and quackery. If you don't want to read the whole thing, here's some key takeaways:

Many therapists just decided their patients had repressed memories. The patients were not allowed to question or disagree with this. The therapists basically flexed their professional authority and told them they were just in denial. Former patient Deborah David described her own experience as being like constantly told that she had once seen a bear climbing a candy cane, told that other people had seen bears on candy canes, and constantly being asked leading questions about her experiences with bears on candy canes, and told that she was in denial if she said she'd never seen one.

Not all patients appear to have been put under hypnosis, but the therapists' insistence that terrible things must have happened to them and their insistence that the only way to heal was to "remember" all of it basically had a number of patients just imagining up all the horrible scenarios they could think of. Former patient Laura Pasley realized after getting out that a number of her "memories" actually came from the book Sybil, the movie Deranged, and from a story she'd written when she was seventeen.

(Worth noting here that a study showed that people who believe they have past lives are more likely to forget where they learned information. It would make a lot of sense if many people who "remembered" SRA under therapists like these have the same issue.)

Many patients were told that their bodies stored memory of this alleged repressed trauma, and any physical sensation they felt was a "body memory" surfacing. So for a hypothetical example, someone who experienced an aching ankle might be told that this is their body "remembering" parental abuse. A patient might imagine a scenario where a parent broke their ankle, and the therapist would treat this as a "recovered" memory.

A number of patients were diagnosed with MPD (as it was called at the time) regardless of whether they initially showed any symptoms. Patients were pushed into "uncovering" these alters that allegedly remembered all the abuse. One patient (Robert Wilson) actually began acting out the alters his therapist told him he had outside of the therapist's office, in some very harmful and destructive ways. (CW for prostitution and animal death if you want to read his story.)

Another patient (Nell Charette) said that while her therapy was ongoing, she had "eight different people telling [her] what to do."

Another patient (Susan) reports:

I mapped an elaborate system, virtually every emotional state or conflicting world view was an alter, plus the male protector and little girl and little boy that went with it. There were sets of 12 for every ego state, complete with names. In the end, I had about 200 "alters." ... Now along with all these alters is the question of how did they get here? Now, we've all heard the story that you can't be this way without severe, repeated, sexual or physical trauma from before you were 5. I'm really pissed about this part, because look how they did this: 1. Your symptoms mean you have MPD, the first step to getting better is to admit this. There is no other thing this could be; if it walks like a duck it's a duck. 2. Since you have MPD, you had to have been sexually/physically/ritually abused. There is no other way you could have this, so you need to admit it to get better. 3. You have to bring these "memories" forward to get better.

This confirms exactly what I've been saying for months: that the mythology of SRA and Project Monarch-type alter programming permits any uncomfortable feeling, any unwanted impulse, and any conflicting beliefs to be attributed to an alter, and therefore to trauma-based mind control, extreme abuse, or whatever you want to call it.

Robert's unfortunate case also confirms that if you go telling a sufficiently unstable person that they have certain alters that do certain things, they will effectively develop them. (This is why convincing a child that they might have a prostitute alter is not only unethical, but also incredibly dangerous!)

If you try and make yourself uncover certain alters, or if someone convinces you that you have them, you will almost certainly "find" them. The simple act of imagining an alter can be enough to make your brain start generating one, or at least something that resembles one close enough to convince people like these therapists.

Many of these former patients describe their mental health deteriorating as their "therapy" progressed. Many who came in without severe issues were completely dysfunctional by the time they left, and if they did have issues when they started, they were exacerbated. This was treated as a part of the healing process, with patients being told that "you have to get worse before you get better" and "the only way out is through."

As retractor Stephanie Krauss put it:

They get hold of this impressive-sounding theory and it goes through some metamorphosis in their minds and is transformed into fact. Then they go treat patients with this new information that only causes more havoc in the lives of persons with normal problems. They have this zeal to treat a disorder that doesn't even exist-at least, not until after treatment starts, and that's when the suffering really begins.

I know brainwashing techniques, and what these people experienced was 100% brainwashing. Each patient had their very sense of self torn apart and each was led to believe that they couldn't trust their own minds. They were led to believe that they had a serious problem that only the therapist - the one with all the power - could fix. They were only "healing" when they complied with the therapist's desires. They were told to cut off anyone who challenged the therapist's narrative.

In other words, the real programmers, the real practitioners of mind control, were the therapists.

[seradyn]

No cause I need to crash out about this a little bit because YOURE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE MISOGYNY 😭😭

I’ve read SO many fics where Sylus is OOC it’s concerning. People can write what they want, I’m a firm believer in that, but it feels like we aren’t even talking about the same character sometimes. I’ve read fics where Sylus calls reader/mc ‘slut’ during intimacy and I physically recoiled because Sylus would rather die a thousand deaths than call us that. Even if you asked him to he’d double and triple check you actually wanted that and still probably wouldn’t be thrilled to.

Like…genuinely, you can write whatever trope/kink/whatever you want, but if you slap Sylus over it then at least tag it OOC. I read a cheater fic that wasn’t tagged and had a vague summary, and I just had to grimace when I realized that’s what the fic was because Sylus would never in a billion years EVER cheat on us. The same goes for the other Lis. They are designed to love us and only us. They would never be so desperate for sex that they would fucking cheat. ESPECIALLY Sylus, who has stated he’s never been with anyone else. Not to mention, this man doesn’t give a fuck about random flings or one night stands. This man makes love, wants more than anything to just be able to make you feel good and show you how much he loves you. Why do you think he asked for consent multiple times before he dove in, in Nightly Rendezvous? Men like that don’t cheat 😭😭

As for the fic you’re mentioning, I’m glad I haven’t seen it, cause that is just…so far from what Sylus would do 😩 That implies a level of emotional immaturity that Sylus has repeatedly shown he is not down with. He literally encourages us to feel our emotions in a healthy way, and wants to be the safe space where we can feel them without judgment. People like that aren’t going to ghost you out of pettiness, that is just so fundamentally incongruent with how he acts and what he says. I could maybe see Rafayel doing something like that, but even then I don’t think he’d ghost us for DAYS, that is just an insane level of childishness.

Speaking of Rafayel, I read fics of him and Xavier too, even though I’m a Sylus main, and this problem is not nearly as common or consistent in how they are misperceived. Rafayel does get mischaracterized, a lot of people tend to forget how dangerous he can be, but even then I don’t see it as often in fics. And Xavier, I’ve only seen one or two fics where he’s OOC, and usually it’s with the same tropes discussed above.

I think a lot of this issue stems from 1. Infold’s marketing team and 2. Sylus first few interactions with the player in the main story. Unfold framed Sylus as the booktok daddy dom alpha male in his trailer, and a lot of people haven’t been able to look past it to the kind of character he actually is. I also know quite a few people write for Sylus without actually playing the game, which is fine, but again, some OOC tags would be nice 😩 And as for the main story, if you don’t bother to dig any deeper, he does seem like some dark romance dom, but if you look into his lore, especially the dragon myth you can see so clearly just how much pain he is in that you don’t remember him. It breaks my heart replaying those parts now because you can just see the anguish in his eyes that the one person who saw him as more than a monster doesn’t remember him. It’s so fucking sad 😭😭

That being said, I do wish the game did more to address the way Sylus treated us at the start. I’ve read some incredible fics that do, specifically this one, and it’s so fucking good. It holds Sylus accountable while acknowledging how actually romantic and loving he is. That first meeting he wears a mask to hide his pain, and this fic gets it so so right.

As someone who has been writing fanfic for years, a lot of time my fics are almost like a character study, diving into how they would react in different situations, what has motivated them to become the character they are. Sometimes I get stuff OOC too, and I’ll often put little explanations in the notes about why I chose to make them act the way I do, how I came to that conclusion about them. That’s different then blatantly writing them to do and say things they would rather die than say or do for the sake of a kink or trope. Cause that’s what it boils down to most of the time.

I also understand we’re talking about a fictional character, and none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things. But as a fic author myself, it’s painful how much Sylus in particular is twisted into something he just fundamentally isn’t. Why not write for another character at that point? 😭

It’s so clearly misogynistic because woman are always expected to cater to the man. Always expected to make room for his emotions and not get that compassion back. I’ve seen it so often in real life, I just want to tell these woman YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. And the Lis want to be that better for you. As I wrote in my most recent Sylus fic, he would genuinely be so disappointed if you just rolled over and let him treat you like shit. Like, babes, who hurt you? An intimate partner should not be acting like a child with petty games like that 😭 It reminds me of that video of the guy saying “bitch, what’s for dinner?” to his gf, and when she responds meekly, he tells her to slap him if he ever speaks to her like that. That is Sylus. He’d want you to beat the shit out of him if he ever treated you that way. He loves and respects us way too much to let anyone, including himself, get away with that shit.

I’ve been meaning to make my own post about this, so sorry for the long crash out. I just…AHHH I MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. IVE SEEN THIS IN OTHER FANDOMS TOO IT MAKES ME INSANE

Hi! This is my first ask/time doing one of these but I just wanted to come here and say I ABSOLUTELY agree with practically EVERY word you said about sylus. Honestly BLESS your soul for you saying it because damn did it need to be said.

hihi, thank you for taking the time to send me something!

and thank you!!! i'm not usually one to post my 'hot takes' in public because i usually can't be bothered, but this really frustrated me. ESPECIALLY because i write my own fanfic, characterization is super important to me because if it doesn't feel like the character... what's the point, right? i get that there's a certain level of nuance to each character, and nobody but the creator of said characters is going to get them perfectly correct, but for god's sake sylus was CREATED by infold to love you, to be in love with you. this may just be my take, but having been on the recieving end of that treatment: nobody who truly loves you would ignore you for something so inconsequential to sylus as a buisness meeting or whatever. (i have two specific fics in mind but i don't want to reference them speficially because i'm genuinely not trying to call out anyone in particular)

because like. again, from what my friend has said and from what @bloomfalls and @seradyn have added to my og post in the tags, sylus wants YOU and only YOU. he's not the type of man to leave you wondering, to make you second guess his feelings.

^ direct quote from said friend ily dawg ur the realest

writing fanfic is really hard, esp when it comes to characterization, but i feel like in a game where these guys are SPECIFICALLY love interests it's like... guys the writing is on the walls, the floor, the cieling, and a sticky note duct taped to your forehead. it's so easy. for other fandoms, where it's not focused on love interests it's harder to be like 'x wouldn't act like this', so i will 100% give those people grace. but if i wrote something for sylus, (winkwinknudgenudge) i feel like! it would be pretty easy, given how we are GIVEN A MANUAL ON HOW HE TREATS THE PERSON HE LOVES.

and lastly: as i said, writing sylus so that he expects the reader to come crawling back to him after dogshit treatment and having the reader do exactly that, is misogynistic. i'm sorry, it has to be said.

[screwpinecaprice]

I was trying to eat noodles neatly and for some reason I got sad midway. So I drew them messy eating a biscuit and a strawberry to combat sad noodle blues.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~

(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)

[naamahdarling]

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