#they just gotta pathologize!
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#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months#i don't even remember the names of them all at this point#this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay#thst will also prescribe my adhd meds#and my anxiety meds#and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would#only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it#so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave#and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something#but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works#but that they morally object to i guess#and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like#what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that#I'll give her a nasty scrap about it#im not interested in those meds at all#and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best#and removing that would just make me worse#but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that#and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow#which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you#if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers#they just gotta pathologize!#so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever#i shouldn't have to deal with this
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saw @teamingmate 's terror au pathologic posts and uh i may have started spiralling a bit
#hope you dont mind me tagging you hhh :')#my art#pathologic#artemy burakh#daniil dankovsky#clara saburova#patho terror au#burakovsky#i think thats the tag#do i put it in the main tag.......fuck it#the terror#gotta confess i only know patho classic from videoessays#i did start playing patho2 recently but thats gonna be slow going because. im bad at videogames lol#also a scaredy cat#clara's uniform is probably not rank appropriate but i just really wanted to draw her in hickey's grave digger fit
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shitposting time
#pathologic#мор утопия#artemy burakh#haruspex#clara saburova#changeling#my art#gotta finish that night with shitposting#how else#also burakh's is a real experience like i feel like if you don't have 50+ inner organs in your inventory by the end of the game then how th#f are you playing#i'm just throwing them out by now
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The Accident (Artemis aiming above the reeds. )
[ drawn with a broken sax reed ]
#if i tell you this was born out of talking w max about eating wood you just gotta trust me#peter stamatin#farkhad#pathologic#peter be like [kills a man]
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okay so, no one was really around last night & such ... so here's some important things regarding this blog that feels necessary to announce/say/address:
1 - i have dropped all threads from since before my birthday (october 13th) minus the two exceptions i've made & cleared out a good majority of like, sentence starter memes from my inbox. draft count now sits at 34 & the sentence starter count in my inbox is now 13. once again, i'm sorry to have done this & to have dropped so many things but it is just ... a lot better for me. i promise we can start all the new things! <3
2 - i no longer have fancy, cutesy, little dynamic tags. it has just proven to be too much, trying to think of new ones with every dynamic - plus with my extremely broken tags ... it's just easier. dynamics will now be tagged like '( dynamic // && muse first & last name )' (ex: ( dynamic // && eddie munson ))
3 - i have finally, finally filled up my queue with (some of, i'll try to finish it later) the many, many muse inspo stuff that's been hauled up in my likes. the queue is currently at 54 & set to posting twice a day at 8 am & 4 pm, but i will probably be changing that a bit tbh ...
4 - this was not announced last night, but is something i've been thinking on & needs to be said/announced ... i will no longer be interacting with any other eddie munsons than the four i already do (belonging to @tcrnadcwarnings, @lcveblossomed, @hawkinshellraiser, & @nightmarishwritings). this is not anything against anyone at all, i have just gotten to a point where i don't feel like plotting with a million versions of the same character, especially when i've made connections with the other muns & feel like we get each other well. honestly eddie is probably not the last muse i'll make this type of announcement with. i am not always the biggest fan of exclusivity ... but idk. i'm starting to vibe with it on this blog in particular so ... yeah -
#( a pathological people pleaser // ooc )#(re: the last one it's just ... idk obvs there's thousands of options for plots....)#(but just writing ONE muse on ONE blog it's like ... i see his dynamics with certain muses & automatically go to the ones i already have#formed bonds/interacted with & so like bringing in a new version of that muse feels weird ... does that make sense?)#(anyways gonna go see how many drafts i can get done before i gotta leave...)
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abandoned pathologic art from when it was all I thought about day and night in like 2020. for your enjoyment
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I look around, but I can't find you (raise it up) If only I could see your face (raise it up) Instead of rushing towards the skyline (raise it up) I wish that I could just be brave
(artfight attack for @simikae again <3 ft. archer!)
#art#artfight attack#lobotomy corporation#link leads to the song rabbit heart (raise it up) and the lyrics in the image are from pathological facade :)#rabbit heart goes so fucking hard btw. love that song!!!#i sing it to myself so much whenever i listen its just GODLY#the voice in it is so so good. and THE LYRICS I PUT IN FOR THIS ONE RAHHHHHHHHHH im normal <3#you can trust me with your rabbit-hearted characters.#also gotta mention i love how i did the ego gift :3 the little adjacent lines feel fitting of fragment of the universe#and the bg!! i love the little colored stripes on the edge#and doing archers hair... so fun to do bc its so circular. get Bouncy#thinking about archers ever changing personality and 'this is a gift; it comes with a price'#and the constant reminder of the rabbit heart behind all her confidence...#becoming a lion hearted girl as a rabbit team member#something about the offering and the hatchery. 'who is the lamb and who is the knife'; 'and in the spring i shed my skin' and 'the waters#change from blue to red / as towards the sky i offer it'... hm hm :3#everything is a gift and every single one comes with a price#lobcorp; r corp and the hatchery; even down to archers own nature#you made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up! /lyr#also hi mika hope you enjoy these tags lol#(row of empty seats) thank you all for coming /ref
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I think a true sign you've managed to write a devastatingly soul-crushing story is the quality of the fandom memes. I've observed that the more existentially painful the story, the more unhinged the humour.
#I mean just look at the Signalis community#I'm not even sure we're sane at this point#and Disco Elysium isn't fairing much better (though at least they've still their sanity)#thoughts#I think it goes along the lines of 'gotta break the tension somehow'#and the tension is so high because every part of the story is pain#and so the most absurd things make you laugh because it brings levity where there was only devastation#and I think the more painful the story the less sane the memes#Pathologic is another example#but Signalis takes the cake for the most shitposts I've seen in an adult fandom
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can't wait to be done with the final exam for this personality psychology course reading this textbook was a special kind of painful
#especially the personality disorders chapter#gotta love how most personality disorders are either designed to pathologize and vilify trauma responses in women#or justify the abusive behavior of men#at its core it's just way of dismissing any potential issues with how society is organized to pretend that these are individual issues#gamo.txt
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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating
it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It
it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this
#might note hardly limited to billions; the series doing bog standard suffocatingly common [Being Normal can't be abusive] replication#nor is their Unaware Replication Of [it can't be ableist if i'm not reacting to ppl who walked up & said Hi I'm Autistic]#well abuse & traumatic treatment can't be Everywhere. like how umm sexism can't be everywhere. neither can white supremacy. ableism. cmon.#oh please not everything can be political. Just Be Normal. which makes it ''apolitical.''#now we all agree abuse can't ever be made palatable; insulated; easy. now ppl doing it never said it wasn't That bad.#if they did they must have been maliciously lying. whereas when i say it can't have been That bad; i mean it :)#and if that person says it was; well they must be lying. or clueless. or a pussy. or scheming to destroy me. Must be. Gotta#& we wouldn't be able to look around & see contexts of imbalance. who's vulnerable. who's life gets smaller. who's supported automatically#who's supported if someone even posits they May have done anything like No; Impossible; now instantly definitely get their ass#you can just go on all day about the ''um i'm just the Realistic Normality vessel'' arguments made boundlessly in bad faith#being like ohh Everyday Interactions / ''Normal'' Semi/Public Situations Can't Be Uncomfortable Imbalanced Dangerous Abusive....#if they are that must be So Rare & created only by Rare Bad Actors with Malicious Mens Rea (itself a great concept to make any act Okay)#something framed as Extreme must be an outlier. could never be part of everyone's everyday life & some much more than others.#could never be what's defined as Normal (associated with Superiority) like how Abuse can't be shit i'd think of as Normal#like how damn if ya don't just wanna kill the autistic coworker and everyone agrees & would clap & cheer if you did And That's Great#you'd have to feel Weird / Abnormal about it! b/c Weirdness & Abnormality is what's bad!#like the autism or the cptsd (the Real abuse can only be: inflicting the existence of a victim's survival skills on Superior Normals)#or whatever else gets pathologized with Polite ABA arguments about how it's not ''social skills'' so hide it or suffer the consequences#winston billions#having that perspective too like oh [our blessed successful conformity] [their barbaric xyz Issues]#if the best you can argue for or against smthing is as Normal or Weird respectively like. no. what's behind that door#the authority figure/s who must be supported lest this all crumble. vs the ruinerrrrrr#billions recognizing winston & tuk the next most shitted on would probably get along & have a mutually supportive friendship#billions also recognizing that mutual support better not be Allowed to get that far. lest this all crumble#like look see we Knew it. we knew the bottom tier ppl who don't really belong in the group who we bully & scapegoat are Always Ruining It.
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boy do i love artemy & murky isn't it cool that murky is fine literally all the time in the game and has no capability of getting infected whatsoever
#pathologic#мор утопия#artemy burakh#артемий бурах#haruspex#гаруспик#murky#мишка#my art#sigh sometimes when you go so numb you can't figure out what you're feeling or if you're feeling anything at all you just gotta whip out a#patho sketch#with no real meaning whatsoever just something that makes you sad#because when something makes you sad you finally feel something and it's like unclogging a mental sink lol
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The Bachelor Finds Peter Stamatin's Reddit Account voiced by Lord Ravenscraft YouTube link
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besties question that might make me sound like an idiot but - how do we know what size images are in templates now? bc no one lists sizes anymore, except on icon templates & i’ve just been guesstimating but i assume - there’s an easier solution … ? is there a setting on photopea that will tell me this or something 🤨
#( a pathological people pleaser // ooc )#(idk if it will show up on desktop but i put the eyebrow raised emoji - posting this from mobile bc i don’t wanna exit out of photopea)#(also yes i’m working on the promo i first instead of writing - i AM GONNA GET THERE I SWEAR)#(but i think i found a template i like i just gotta get maya’s images in there & my psd slapped on)
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#derm went well!#path report comes back either Friday or Monday (please Friday pleaaaase)#skin is rough you really just gotta wait for the pathology report to get back sadge#doesn't suspect scc because of location and age but it is still on the dd#just a shave biopsy I was worried about a punch but we'll only have to if the path comes back concerning#Anyway anxiety won't fully go away until then but she was reassuring that she thinks it is benign#she does also want me to get annual full body skin exams but that's not surprising
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I was talking with a friend of mine about how the secret ending to aini thematically reminds me of Certain Parts of pathologic(1) and anyways tl;dr bachelor Ryuki is going to live rent free in my mind forever now. Guy who is obsessed with defeating death bc his life has been defined by it going to a small town in the Japanese countryside to learn the secret to immortality only to be made to fight an unwinnable battle against a horrific plague that threatens to take even his own life, all as those with power in the town all want to use and manipulate him for their own needs and the towns other doctors see him as naive at best or outright useless at worst
anyways I wrote a short fic about it because it won't leave my mind. bachelor ryuki's fun countryside vacation.
also date is the haruspex and mizuki is the changeling. ryuki is perpetually sick with the Plague and both of them cannot understand why this fucker won't just take the panacea please for the Love Of God just rest for ten fucking seconds-
#kuruto ryuki#my fics#contains implied spoilers for pathologic but nothing like. explicit?#guys who are playthings of the powers that be#who are doomed by the narrative hating them from the outright#but still fight for an ending anyways bc fuck you fate!#...ryuki having the sand plague constantly is basically canon tho-#guy who would walk out of the hospital when told he's seriously ill#i promise im not crazy. im going somewhere with this really.#like. im probably never going to expand on it more. but just trust me#it was all a game; but you knew that already; didn't you?#you've known from the very start. it's only ever been a game.#it could never be anything *but* a game.#anyways shoutouts to pathetic black-haired men. gotta be one of my favourite genders
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I got distracted and watched like three video essays abt haunting ground and now I need to draw daniella so baddd she's so scary and interestingg
#she's obviously terrible but her character is so interesting to me#idk i end up feeling simultaneously like i hate her and also feel terrible for her#her lines about not being complete just hit like a punch to the stomach yknow#i think it's funny some of the most interesting games to me are ones I haven't played/can't play#though tbf i have no real way to play haunting ground#but i could play pathologic and i just don't lmao one of these days I'll give it another shot but damn i underestimated how not-fun it is#gotta love consuming things that are probably bad for my mental health lmao. i really thought the other night “i should reread punpun”#like NO. NO YOU SHOULD NOT!!
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