#(also yes i’m working on the promo i first instead of writing - i AM GONNA GET THERE I SWEAR)

[brckenbadass]

besties question that might make me sound like an idiot but - how do we know what size images are in templates now? bc no one lists sizes anymore, except on icon templates & i’ve just been guesstimating but i assume - there’s an easier solution … ? is there a setting on photopea that will tell me this or something 🤨

[anime-writing-everything]

Analysis- Rhea’s Promo and how it be hinting at am R+D plan (and yes I know there’s a good chance Dom betrays at Summerslam, but until it happens I’m gonna enjoy writing all the ways they could do the story instead)

What interested me in the promo were two things. First, after Liv gets off the screen Rhea directs herself towards the camera and says very specifically “Liv I know you’re still listening”. It feels like a double meaning; not only is she continuing their conversation but it could also be a reference to Rhea knowing that Liv has a spy in TJD.

Then the second thing happens after her speech where she mouths the words “watch me” into the camera. And while everyone is writing that off as her mocking Liv with her catchphrase what interests me about it can still be a reference to a spy or it could be in reference to the fact Liv always seems to know what’s going on and comes out when Dom is alone.

After the promo it seems like Rhea does everything to make her and Dom seem easily separated and manipulated. She’s ignoring him, she throws flowers, she gives him the dog, she calls him a coward, and she eventually says that he’s hers (but she’s not his). Rhea is a smart woman and I’m sure she realizes Liv is manipulating and trying to break them up. If Liv is watching and listening, it seems like the plan is working and might start to get overconfident.

[marshmallowprotection]

Saeran’s Passport Package

I’ve been waiting since the 19th to get my hands on this baby and I’m glad that it got here today. It took me a little bit to sit down and go through everything cause I wanted to cry about it the entire time. 

Spoilers Ahead, everyone. So, if you’re not interested in seeing what’s in the Passport set AFTER the events of Saeran’s After Ending, then do not click Read More, got it? I’ve made it clear to you. I will say that it’s worth the money if you’re debating buying it. 

So, we can go over the contents in the box, first as an overview. You receive a letter stamped with a cute sticker as well as the passport itself which holds the notes that Saeran’s been taking and drawing since this all started. I just think that’s cute. My brain said don’t open that passport until we review the letter first so, why don’t we go over the letter first? The little details are really cute. There’s just so many stamps on this baby. 

The little touches are what sell it. You’ve got this man putting his love all over it and there’s a CUTE NOTE of CATS. Sir, was that a touch to Saeyoung? I know you know that your brother is a dork. Homage to brother who is an idiot but too glaringly obvious. It got a chuckle out of me. I know this man, and it’s just getting to me. 

The passport itself is also really cute. It has the art from the promo banner but instead of everyone hustling around together, there’s new poses and all of that jazz. Jaehee isn’t rushing around. Zen’s got a selfie stick, no surprise on that front. Jumin just chilling. Seven and Yoosung... doing what they do best and you know it. RUN, YOOSUNG, RUN.

Saeran and MC... being cute on the inside made me go, “Aw!” Ice cream. They can really just put ice cream and it’s going to make me cry, huh? Really? Is that how easy this is? Am I a joke to you, Cheritz? Is that what this is? 

Now, if you want to talk about the contents in the letter, you get this sheet that is listed in three languages, surprised me, Korean, Spanish, and English, and it lets you tick off little things that you like to do. An itinerary sheet. I feel like this is purely Jumin crafting these. It asks about Cats. Literally. Cats. Wine? Yeah, this is on Jumin. You always come in flex, Jumin, but oh boy, I’m chuckling over here at these little touches. 

You get 2 boarding passes. One with Saeran’s name and one with a blank to fill in your name. I thought that was cute. Tying in that with the CG of the passes in the game with this just makes it more real to me. I’m holding this in my hands and it just makes my immersion feel much more real than it did when I was holding my phone in my hand and playing this out. 

I think merch like this just makes you feel more apart of the story then you do when you’re able to talk and chat, you know? If you really like feeling like you are involved with the game, this is how you do it. You wanna know how I know that Jumin is the one setting this up with Saeran? Flip over the fucking passport and you realize that Elizabeth is on the back.

I’m still laughing. 

I’m trying to imagine this and now, like, I’m starting to see why Jaehee is so damn tired because Elizabeth really is on everything that he can get his hands on and she’s good too many files to sort through when it comes to whatever the photographers take of her. Jumin can’t take photos. He’s either got Jihyun to do this for him at some point, or he’s straight up hiring photographers for her cause he can’t do it. 

I mean, we all know that Jumin will put Elizabeth everywhere but I just— It’s on the BOARDING PASSES? JUMIN! 

There’s also a postcard within the letter that is once more, written in all three aforementioned languages. Saeran says that it feels like a dream when he is with you, like this is where he’s always meant to be. His promise of happiness is made truest when he’s with you. I teared up a little. I know that he means well when he does that but damn, does it take an arrow to the heart every single time he does it. 

Saeran put a lot of thought into this in a very short amount of time. I know that he did this plan likely with the idea that he may not be able to go with us but he wanted us to be able to see the world for him. You know, how he implied that he wanted Saeyoung to see things for him? To live for him? Even if he was dead, he wanted Saeyoung and the player to be happy and free. 

The blurred state on those... doesn’t have names. It doesn’t name Saeran in this photo. 

The implication of his sacrifice with the boarding passes kind of hurts because this is a side note of the fact that Saeran Did Not Know If He Would Live To See This Through. He made it thinking maybe.. if things worked out, it would be an okay future, but this was... God. I just. I’m thinking about the weight of the AE and what that felt like. I almost glossed over the Boarding Pass because I was just so upset with him.

I’m the type to try to sacrifice myself for others, too. I have that in common with Saeyoung and Saeran. 

I think that we’d argue over who should die for the others and while that’s macabre, it’s just the kind of people that we are. We love these people so much that we’re willing to die if they’re safe and sound. Knowing that, I understand what Saeran tried, and even what Saeyoung tries, but it’s hard cause I want to make sure they’re happy in comparison to myself. 

This is where being selfless is a bad thing. 

Does anyone know what a big deal it is for Saeran to have a passport? He’s never had an ID or paperwork in his entire life. If he did, he would’ve been killed, so would his brother. They’re both never had IDs. Unless you count the ones from the Agency and Mint Eye. They’ve got them in the Believer box with their names and faces, but that’s not official. That’s not paperwork that everyone else has. That’s just... 

You know? 

Seeing this tangible thing in my hands is a testament to Saeran Choi being alive and thriving. He’s not afraid of showing his face. He’s living. He’s a free man and nobody can kill him for existing. Does that not weigh on anyone here? It hit me and I wanted to cry. I might break down thinking about this later because I just take this too seriously. Look at him. Look at HIM. Okay? Did you look? Now, LOOK AGAIN.

Okay, I’m not going to share every single page inside of the passport but I will give you little snippets of the journey ahead and show you what he writes and draws. Yes, he’s drawing. I knew that he was talented because he is great at doodling and drawing, but he knows how to have such a cute style that I want to gush about and he probably has no clue about how cute it is because nobody’s ever told him!

Okay, so the trip is broken up over a few months and into segments. You know how I was surprised by the 3 languages? Yes, this passport is written in three languages and it stays that way. It implies that Saeran knows English and Spanish, or at the very least, he’s been studying them, I get that it’s kind of a neat tie in to make sure that all languages are included but I only English and I can only read Spanish, I suck at conversational Spanish, so I could only read the English and Spanish sections. 

So, if anyone wants to throw in what the Korean segments say, please do. I have a rough idea, but it’d be nice to know. The first segment of the trip is spent traveling over Korea. You see the things that he packed in the bag! 

I almost had a heart attack because I thought the vitamins were Caffeine Pills. I was about to beat my Husband and make him go to bed. Thin ice, Saeran. Thin ice, the Special Believer package implied you take more then ten and I want you to go the fuck to sleep at night. 

He packed his hanbok! Look! You remember? From the title screen event? The blue shirt is the one that he matches with MC in. There’s so much I’m screaming about it. 

It shows you things that you do. Like, biking, karaoke, gardens... is there a locket bridge in Korea? You know? If you put them together on a bridge, it’s said that your love lasts forever. I forget where that came from but I guess there must be one in South Korea, too. Oh, and food. Can you believe that he can eat whatever he wants now? I’m sobbing. 

Please. 

HE’S IN HANBOK. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Okay, here’s the thing. I only have one gripe with the Passport Package and I’m going to say this again at the end, but I really wish that they had included big photos for this because the Passport itself it rather small and I wish that I could have bigger photos of this. It’s my only complaint. Literally, it’s the only thing I have to say about the box that will affect my rating. Look, we’re doing cheesy couple stuff! 

HE’S DOING THE HEART THING WITH HIS HANDS.

A KISS. 

KISS.

GUSHING.

DYING. HELP. ME. 

God, I wish I wasn’t broke. I would commission someone to do this for my MC. 

The second and third portion of the trip are spent in the U.S.A. and Mexico, I was so surprised by that! New York and Hawaii specifically are what they name and I was. Well, those are really far apart, huh. I mean, those are very popular spots. I’m not surprised. I’m chuckling because he’s got matching outfits. 

Saeran Choi, you really want the embarrassing couple look, don’t you? Well, if it’s for you, I’d do it. Did... Saeyoung or Jumin set us up, are we fucking loaded? There’s mad bank here. 

Saeran and MC basically are living per Jumin and Saeyoung, to be honest, because Saeran’s never had a job and MC is... your MC literally agrees to go and test a game in the woods, how good can our lives be? I’m broke, boy. I ain’t got nothing. So, I like to think that those two are offering to let Saeran be as happy and free as he wants. No expense. Like, kindness. The RFA is too damn much, I’m gonna cry. I’m starting to understand why the RFA didn’t hear from us for months. 

The final Check-In with the RFA is set 6 Months after the events that take place when we save Saeran. The events of this Passport cover 3 months. So, we go back to Korea after this adventure and met up with Saeyoung, because we know that we’re hanging out with him in the conclusion. So, if they haven’t really heard from us, that means that we’ve been traveling more with him. 

I kind of like that. 

We’re spending time with Saeran alone and time with the brothers together, and that’s sweet! I love that. I need to write more about it. 

I’m trying not to laugh about this Mexico portion but it looks like he passed out from an ice tea... lemonade...? It’s surely not alcohol. Maybe too much sugar, I know that crash can hurt. I’ve been there. I just know that you’re not implying the man with alcohol trauma is gonna drink. Nope. Neither he nor Saeyoung ever will do that. I stand by that statement and I’ll die by that statement. Bite me my tongue if I’m wrong, but I stand by that. 

Saeran is at least mindful of the sun. He’s also made notes that the perfect time for sunset is 18:34. Cute. He notes that it’s time for the Day of the Dead as well, so that’s fun!

IS THAT A FUCKING V CACTUS—

TWO V CACTUS—

There’s actually a portion in here where he asks you certain questions and you have the space to fill in it. I like that it’s interactive. 

Do you have favorites sweets? Are there things about yourself that you hide? Did you make sure to ask Santa what you wanted? I’m wheezing. The food doodles are one thing, and the Christmas photo is one thing, but he really drew himself as a butterfly and the MC as a bug catcher. 

“CATCH ME, MC.” 

Help me. 

I’m laughing so hard.

Saeran, you fucking goofball.

And, the last page of the passport is us assumedly returning home with all kinds of trinkets and gifts. Flower crown, snow globe, cactus, hats, listen, there’s a lot of details in this photos that I really wish I could have it blown up. 

That’s really my only complaint about the Passport Package. I really want to have bigger photos that are shared. I wouldn’t have minded if it was the photo of the final CG in the game, or the Christmas photo, I really would have enjoyed getting that to have for myself. 

You know? The passport itself is roughly like 5 x 7 or so, so while it’s not big, it’s still like. I would love to see the details blown up. It’s smaller then the diary, that I know for sure. I think it’s the only thing stopping from giving Cheritz a 10/10 on this item. 

I’m going to have to give them a 9.8/10 simply because it feels like we are lacking one big photo. 

I guess I’ll print my favorite CGs and decorate my room like that. But, all and all, I really enjoyed reading this and it made it feel like I was there and I was able to reflect on Saeran’s vacation with the player. Like, he was doing this as we were going using his little doodles... I’m in love with this fucking sap. I’d say that this is worth the money. 

For sure. 

My only gripe aside. That’s a personal problem, not really a content problem. I love this bastard. 

Look at him, he’s GOT A PLUSHIE. I have so many things that I want to write about now thanks to this. Saeran, darling, sweetie, my love, I am dying. Either way, I’m glad this arrived when it did. I needed this. I justified getting this for myself because I don’t expect to get anything for my birthday in early February but I’m happy I have him.

It’s been five years since I found this game in August 2016. I’m happy that it’s been here with me. 

[lizacstuff]

SCK episode 46 asks!

Hi folks, below the read more you'll find a smattering of asks about this week's episode as well as a few spoilers for 47.

Good asks this week:

(under the cut)

Anonymous asked: this may be superficial of me, but why are they dressing Serkan in such ugly tops? they finally brought Eda's hair back but now this

BWAH! You're not wrong. You know what I'm wondering, if they've put him in some of those outfits because they are showing his suburban dad side? It's kind of a subtle nod to him embracing father hood and a different way of life? He's now all about running around the yard after his daughter and not about what he looks like when he's being SERKAN BOLAT, FAMOUS BUSINESS MAN and WORLD'S BEST ARCHITECT.

Also, Eda's hair, thank goodness they let that go once the flashbacks were over and we didn't need something to distinguish between then and now! Those curly bangs were not it.

Anonymous asked: They built up the Edser chemistry soooooo well throughout the episode... for that ending? Who decided to cut it there?! The scene was BEAUTIFUL I’m actually upset lol. are not we going to see any more? I’m not asking for a sex scene, I wanted to see THE moment they decided to get back together (the tattoo line doesn’t do it for me) - a few words, tears as they embrace, him walking through the door as she closes it, one passionate kiss, something! But it doesn’t feel like a cliffhanger that continues next week. I’ll be so underwhelmed when they cut to the morning after and we have to infer that they got back together overnight *sigh* if they were allowed 1 kiss only, id rather it have been here instead of ep 2

We do deserve to see how they reconcile, that should be one of the biggest moments of the season after 7 episodes of build up to it.

90% of final scenes in this show have continued uninterrupted the next week. To me there's no reason to think the next episode won't pick up right where this one left off. Crossing fingers!

Anonymous asked: It just hit me that Serkan is the “Kiraz” for Kemal - but Kemal actually missed his child’s whole 35 years 😬 this is an interesting turn of events. Also that line Serkan said about how fathers should love their child’s mother and how he didn’t have that with his own parents....but his real dad does love Aydan, more than she deserves haha.

Oh so true! Kemal really does love his mother more than she deserves! How he puts up with her, I don't know.

The parallel between Serkan/Kemal and Kiraz/Serkan is strong and I hope it gives Serkan some perspective when he starts grappling with this knowledge. I'm sure it's going to be very disconcerting for him, because while he expected to never see his father again, Alptekin is still his father. He's still the man who raised him and formed him into the man he is. Serkan still runs the company he founded and bears his name.

I don't expect any of that to change, but hopefully he can forge a separate relationship with Kemal that might fill some emotional holes that he has and bring him some peace.

None of that even contemplates how Kemal will feel, thankfully Aydan didn't willfully hide the truth from him. How awful to realize you lost 35 years.

We aren't there yet, but I wonder at what age with Kiraz learn the truth, that her dad is not an astronaut, that her parents went through hell with with cancer and plane crashes, and that her father didn't know of her existence until right before they met?

Just something to think about.

Anonymous asked: i'm so happy for hanker, don't get me wrong, and i'm also so happy we get "together" edser for so many episodes until the end, but i'm already tired of the constant "hanker improvising" comments i know i will be seeing. not that they don't improvise in some scenes, but i just know that every romantic edser scene is gonna be analyzed to hell bc ppl want to look for hanker in them. like there's no possible way that ayse, the writer ppl hate the most, could write any romantic scenes.. nope no way!

Yes, this is one of my pet peeves, I can't stand the "Edser left the chat" and all the "that's Hanker, not Edser" type conversation. it's so invasive and most of all disrespectful to not only the writers, but Hande and Kerem and all the work they pour into bringing Eda and Serkan to life.

One of the things in fandom that sets my teeth on edge is when folks take some interpretation of the character by the actor and then decide because it wasn't "scripted" (pro tip the vast majority of physical movements the actors make are "unscripted") that it must just be the actors themselves and have nothing to do with the characters. What an embarrassing and naïve assertion. Actors literal job is to take what's on the page and then translate that. So, no, OF COURSE, every look and touch is not scripted. The actors interpret how their characters would think and feel, and what they would do in given moments and then do those things.

Eda is not touching Serkan's arm just because Hande can't hold herself back from touching Kerem. Puh-lease, they are professionals. Grow up.

However, having said all that, I do think there was one scene that seemed to be very improvised this episode. The bean scene in the grocery store did feel like them just eFFing around. LOL.

andhewonherheart asked: @andhewonherheart: SCK promo department is best and worst all at the same time, cause giving away the last (cliffhanger) scene in fragman is just cruel. But based on the next week’s fragman thing happens that we we think happens *wink*

Hee! So true. The thing I'm grateful for is that in season 2 not one fragman has made me dread the episode, I think there was at least one fragman an episode from 29-37 that was hella upsetting.

As far as I'm concerned these fragmans are doing there job, making me want to watch.

I am really excited for Serkan planning how he's going to ask Eda to marry him, I wonder what Kiraz's reaction is going to be. So far she's been their very own cupid!

Anonymous asked: I didn't find it surprising that Serkan removed his tattoo as soon as Eda left. His logic is always out of sight out of mind though it doesn't work. He did the same when he broke up with her when he found out about the death of her parents. He removed all of her belongings. But their memories are too strong and enough for him to continue to remember her.

Truth! Will he ever learn that it's never going to work? He'll never be able to erase Eda, she has left an indelible mark on his soul. Let's hope he's never faced with that situation again! From here on out, he and Eda are together, a unit, and will live a long life together and in love.

Anyone have any guesses where Eda's tattoo is? Will we find out or will it remain between the characters.

Anonymous asked: I've seen some people say that Edser are getting married now way too fast and to that I just have to laugh lol. First there were complaints we don't have happy Edser and now when we do, of course there's something else. These two have had a rollercoaster of a year when they first met and a five year separation.. they've been through the dating phase, the engaged phase.. of course they'll head straight to the altar! It's not like Eda's plane proposal and that first wedding wasn't rushed either!

I'm on team head straight to the alter! No more waiting. They've had terrible luck, so they just need to tie the knot and make sure there are no easy outs.

As for people who think it's too fast, they don't even know the storyline yet, I swear there are folks who complain just because that's their personality and they're never satisfied.

Anonymous asked: From some of the spoilers of BTS pics, and the fragman we got, I was just reflecting on this season and Turk romcom dizis in general and I just wanted to say how LUCKY we are to see Edser married (again, from spoilers) and with a kid on screen for more than just 10 minute at the end of the finale. Like, it is really rare and as much as people have nitpicked on this season in general, I feel like watching these last episodes have been such a breeze after the last arc of S1.

Oh agreed, I think these episodes have been very enjoyable. The writers are giving me exactly what I want from this show. Comedy, UST, romance with a little light angst thrown in now and again. I would rewatch this season a dozen times before even thinking about watching anything from the 30s.

We are very lucky that we've got to see them as parents, and actually forming their family. We've gotten so much domestic goodness so far and we still have a ways to go. I'm very appreciative of this season and that Ayse came back, got rid of the constant ridiculous melodrama for melodrama's-sake and is telling a very human story about family and love persevering.

Anonymous asked: the last scene gave me chills for some reason. you could actually see eda fighting her head and her heart and deciding to take the step (metaphorically and physically!) towards him for good. i wanna SUE whoever decided to end it the ep there though.. it was actually cruel. also looking at the next frag.. it makes my heart soft that in the flashbacks we see serkan pushing off their wedding bc of his fears and now he can't propose and get married fast enough.. can't believe we're really getting it

I know, it's almost surreal at this point. Since we're near the end we know it's for real and won't be ruined by psychos or awful family members or terminal illness. I just hope that they give us an emotional scene when they get married, whether its just them or the whole cast is there as guests, after everything they've (we've) been through we need to see them both feeling that moment and reveling in it.

FYI - I'm out of town next weekend, so I may be slower than usual in replying to asks and in posting gifs of 47, but I'll get to it all eventually!

[canonicallysoulmates]

Supernatural 15.16

What can I say? No, seriously, what can I say this was such a disappointment I just wanna salt it, burn it and forget it. 

This is not what I wanted nor what we were told we were gonna get, the promo’s and the way it was promoted made it seem like this was gonna be a heavy brothers centered episode and we were gonna get to see flashbacks of Sam and Dean hunting solo together, without their dad, for the first time. It wasn’t.

This episode is snake oil. It was advertised in all the right ways to make us buy into it but it has no real substance or value.  

The plot is simple: Sam and Dean have to investigate the death of an old, sort of friend they made in one of the motel’s they stayed at back when they were little and haven’t spoken to in over 20 years. And let’s talk about this real quick because at the beginning Sam and Dean don’t know they’re going to investigate their friends’ death they think they’re going to the funeral cause the victim’s sister, who was also a sort of friend of theirs back in the day, invited them to the funeral to guarantee that they would go which is so stupid, people miss funerals all the time especially when they’re the funerals of people who they only knew for a week over 20 years ago and didn’t keep in contact. So, the stupid starts early in this episode. 

Back to the plot, the thing that Sam and Dean are hunting is something they had hunted and thought killed years ago back when they were the wee!chesters, and by “they” I mean….Dean and the girlie. I’m sorry you thought, we were gonna see young!Sam and Dean actually hunt together? No. 

The four of them sort of work together to figure out where the thing might be hiding and Dean’s all ‘I’m handling this on my own’ and Sam’s like ‘I’m going with you’ and Dean’s like ‘no’ and the girls like ‘then i’m going with you’ and Dean’s all ‘no’ and so he goes off on his own but the girl follows him so it’s the girl and him hunting this thing down while Sam is stuck back in the motel on babysitting duty of the girls little brother which I’m sure the writer is patting herself on the back for because at the beginning in the first flashback Dean was all ‘I used to babysit you when I was your age’ so now Sam is stuck babysitting...get it? Get it? I think it’s supposed to be clever…...excuse me a minute

*clears throat* where was I? Oh yes, so anyways after some investigating and Dean finding a bunch of children’s corpses they arrive at the hotel in time to see the thing they’re hunting attacking Sam and the other kid and Dean’s all ‘Sam get out of the way’ and stabs the thing which makes it turn to dust so they think it’s dead which we all know it ain’t but let’s talk for a minute about the fact that Dean just walked to see a monster attacking his baby brother AND HE DOESN’T EVEN RUSH TO CHECK ON HIM WHEN THE THING IS DEAD!!!! Also, this thing was hunting kids that were around Sam’s age but Dean doesn’t seem to give a fuck. 

So what was the thing Sam and Dean were hunting oh so many years ago when they did shit re-search even though we know that they knew how important research was but this writer doesn’t know how to write this characters in present time why would she be able to write young! them? Baba Yaga! But they still don’t know that they’ll find that out later in the episode, in like a 5min scene that really does not do this figure justice but neither does the rest of this episode as this writer doesn’t really care and treats Baby Yaga more like a traditional vengeful spirit. 

For real though, it is a shame that this writer doesn’t care enough because Baba Yaga is a folklore figure with so much history they could have really done something interesting and scary; such a famous folklore figure and she was treated like a footnote. 

But that’s what young!Sam and Dean were up to what about our Sam and Dean? Well, after they find out the truth that they’re there to investigate and not attend a funeral that happened a week before they go check what’s up at the motel since that’s where everything happened years ago and the dude died, Dean is feeling guilty af for so many reasons including that he had yet to tell Sam Jack was gonna die, at first Dean doesn’t believe it’s the same thing they had hunted but then he’s like ‘okay maybe it’s not as dead as I thought’ and leaves Sam and the girlie to do research while he has a scene with Billie where she tells him the end is coming and while that’s happening Sam finds out it’s the Baba Yaga and the girl gets attacked and then Dean returns and he and Sam go their separate ways to find her because of course the do and Dean gets attacked but Sam arrives and then they properly kill the monster. 

Anyways, it all ends with their “friend” telling Dean for like the 20th time that he has changed and then they have a hug which gives us our final flashback where after him and the young girlie say goodbye to each other him and Sam are waiting for John to pick them up and Dean’s all ‘I don’t know about this college thing but we make a good team’ which would be great if we had actually seen them work as a team.

With the thing dead Sam and Dean make their way back home and Dean tells Sam the truth about Jack dying. We’ll come back to this scene. 

And that’s the episode in a nutshell. It’s bad. It’s unforgivably bad. This is the mediocre, poor man’s version of Something Wicked. 

It’s got no soul, with the exception of one scene it’s got no emotion. It stays at the surface level, we don’t truly get to see young!Sam and Dean work together, we don’t really get to see their dynamic with each other, we don’t learn anything new about them, Dean clearly didn’t like Sam thinking about college but it wasn’t really explored he was just an ass to Sam about it and then was all ‘we make a good team’ but like I said we didn’t truly get to see them be a team so it just falls flat, there weren’t really any proper scenes between the young brothers, Baba Yaga is not explored she’s more a footnote, we also don’t get to see adult Sam and Dean hunt together. 

You compare it to other flashback episodes like Something Wicked, A Very Supernatural Christmas, Just My imagination to name a few, and you can’t. You can’t really compare it cause those episodes were well written and actually explored Sam and Dean’s emotions and their relationship. This episode is the worst flashback episode we have ever gotten and I wish it didn’t exist. 

I wanna talk about the young!Sam and Dean actors real quick cause no shade to them but I didn’t like them one bit not just because of the way they were written but also because they don’t really embody Sam and Dean’s personalities in the way that their predecessors have, I look at them I don’t see Sam and Dean. Also, their acting? Not the best. 

So, all around this is a failure as far as young!Sam and Dean.

There was one scene in this whole entire episode that had any sort of emotion: the final scene with Sam and Dean in the car where Dean tells Sam everything and about Jack dying and Sam is pissed off and they get into a fight. That’s the only scene where Sam and Dean got closest to acting and sounding like themselves and the only one that was worth something and I give full credit to Jared and Jensen for that because their acting in that moment was standing ovation worthy, they honestly almost made me cry. I think if this epi had been better written and emotions actually explored it would have managed to make me cry. 

I don’t like that the epi finished with the boys fighting, even less that the one proper scene we got between them was a fight but it was the best scene of the episode and it should be watched if for no other reason than to see Jared and Jensen put on an amazing performance, 

But that scene alone is not enough to save this episode. 

The writer of this epi once recommended that you could put the first 2 seasons of this show on as background noise and maybe if she hadn’t done that and actually paid attention to the foundation of the show that paid her bills she wouldn’t have given us the mediocre version of Something Wicked or would have learned how to artfully weave the main plot of a season into a stand alone episode like Phantom Traveler did instead of sticking in a scene right in the middle for some exposition. As it is, you can use her episode as background noise. 

Here’s the thing, you can make the argument that it’s not as bad as it could have been or as what we have gotten, or that we should expect the episodes to be bad because it’s all we’ve gotten, or that we should just be happy with what we get and listen you feel how you wanna feel about this episode and/or tell yourself what you need to make yourself feel better but that don’t work with me. I’m not going to thank the writers for taking a smaller shit on this show than they did last time, and expecting the episodes to suck doesn’t mean we don’t deserve better and that we shouldn’t be upset. 

And I am upset. I am angry. I am sad. I am bitter. I am disappointed. 

You know what stings most about this episode? What makes it cut differently than all the other shitty, insulting, disappointing episodes that have come before it? That this is the last time we’re going to see young!Sam and Dean. This was the last ever flashback episode. A badly written episode with barely any proper interaction between the young brothers, is the last time we’ll see young! Sam and Dean. 

I so badly wish I could recommend this episode but the truth is that I can't. What I can recommend, and I highly do, is looking up the final scene and enjoying that beautifully acted, painful, brother moment. And then if you still want to watch young!Sam and Dean, just re-watch Something Wicked. 

In conclusion,

[wasteitonserendipity]

Drops of Jupiter (Changkyun One Shot)

Pairing: Changkyun x reader

Genre: Fluff, a little bit of angst, slight crack

Word count: 1633

Warnings: None 

A/N: So, this is my first time writing for any of Monsta X but I’ve really been into them lately and I figured why not start with my bias so here ya go! Also this a link to the song I was listening to while writing this! It’s my favorite cover! Enjoy. 

Summary: Now that she’s back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair. You’d been gone a year to find yourself and thankfully you have an amazing best friend to come home to. But while you were apart you both learned a few things that could change your relationship forever.

Excitement.

Elation.

Relief.

These were just a few of the words that summed up how Changkyun felt right now. You were finally on your way home after being away for nearly a year. Granted, he had had plenty to keep his mind busy while you were away between a comeback and working on his own side projects, but it just wasn’t the same without you there.

He missed the way you would show up, completely unannounced, at his studio late at night with snacks and coffee in hand and sit on the couch and listen to the tracks that he’d made. How he would come home from recording and you’d be in the kitchen with Kihyun working through a new recipe or working out with Hyunwoo. Or how he would find you out on the porch having a deep conversation with Jooheon about life one moment and then the next you were screaming at the TV with Minhyuk over video games. Or how you never minded being the one to wake up Hyungwon from his long naps because he was always nice to you about it. And how you still kept in close contact with Hoseok after everything that had happened and always made sure that he was taken care of. 

But he knew that you needed to go when you told him that it felt like your life had come to plateau and you needed to find yourself. So, you saved up, packed up your apartment and put everything in storage and said your goodbyes. You didn’t know where exactly you were going but you started in Japan and went from there. Your travels took you all over Europe, the UK and ended in the US. You kept in touch with everyone often and he was always thankful for that, he always knew you were safe and happy. He missed his best friend, almost to the point that it hurt. But he never let you know that, knowing that you’d be on the first plane home if he asked. This was your journey and you needed to write it. 

So here he was, practically pacing a hole in the waiting area of the airport.

“Dude,” Jooheon laughed as he watched his friend, “you’re wearing a hole in the floor. You’re gonna fall through.”

“Well,” Changkyun huffed, “her plane was supposed to land twenty minutes ago.”

“You know how long it takes to get off the plane and get down here right?” he smirked, “so you’re gonna tell her right?”

Changkyun stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Tell her what?” he asked, quirking his eyebrow.

“That you’re fucking in love with her,” the older boy chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“I am not-“ 

“KKKKYYYYUUUNNIIIEEEEE!!!” you screeched, cutting off his rebuttal.

He turned just in time for you to practically tackle him to the ground, knocking him off of his feet. He grinned from ear to ear at you before pinching your cheek like he used to before you lost your baby fat. 

“I MISSED YOU ASSHAT!” you laughed as you got up, extending a hand to help him up as well and then hugging him like your life depended on it. 

He felt like home. As much as you loved having your freedom, you were happy to come home to such a friendly face. 

“I missed you too, brat,” he laughed as he grabbed your huge suitcase for you.

“Honey,” you giggled as you turned to Jooheon, hugging him as well.

“Hey little one, how was the world?” he asked, “you look great.”

“Thanks, love,” you chuckled, hiking your backpack up onto your shoulder “the world is… i don’t ever know how to describe it.”

“Well,” Changkyun said as he ushered you both to the car, “you’ll have plenty of time to tell us all about it. Kihyun hyung insisted on making dinner for your homecoming. I think Hoseok hyung might even make an appearance.” 

“Oh thank god!” you sighed, “plane food is ass, I’m starving.”

Both boys stared at you, dumb grins on their faces. You knew why, too. The old you would have never uttered the words “plane food is ass” because you wouldn’t want to be impolite. you also probably wouldn’t have tackled Changkyun in the middle of an airport but this was a new you. 

“I’m gonna like this new Y/N,” Jooheon chuckled as he and Changkyun put your bags into the car. 

Changkyun already knew he liked this you. He saw you slowly evolve while you were out on your adventures. Gone was the timid Y/N who was almost afraid of new things and new people. He saw you bloom into the amazing, adventurous, worldly woman in front of him. You seemed ready to take on any challenge head on and he was glad that that part of you was finally awakened. He knew what you were capable of but sometimes you didn’t, but now you knew it too. 

One thing he knew for sure: he loved you then and he loved you now. 

—————————— ———————————————— 

After four hours of being stuffed with delicious food, some boisterous conversations about your world travels, and probably one too many soju bombs you were now laying in Changkyun’s room as he sat at his desk showing you some new music for his next mixtape. 

“So, tell me,” you mused as you flipped onto your stomach to look at him, “what’s it like being an international superstar?”

“I mean, it’s cool, I guess,” he shrugged, laughing a little as he edited a beat, “it’s like working without working, ya know?” 

“Well, you do a great job, bug,” you smiled, pretending not to see the little grin he had at the nickname you gave him, “when I was in the states I had a lot of people as me about my Monsta X stickers on my bags and stuff. A lot of people knew who you were! And if they didn’t I put them on.”

“It’s like having our own personal promo model,” he laughed before shutting down his computer and taking his place next to you on the bed.

You flipped over onto your back, staring at the ceiling, contemplating where you wanted the conversation to go next. 

“So, tell me,” Changkyun mimicked as he mirrored your position, “did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?”

You smiled, a small sigh leaving your lips. This was where you wanted it to go, this was the conversation you’d been dying to have with him for years but you didn’t want to risk your friendship. Back then, you would have rather had a part of him than none at all. If you’d learned anything in your time away it was that he was it for you. 

“I missed you more than you can imagine,” you confessed, turning to face him, propping your head on your hand. 

“I think I can imagine,” he said quietly, not looking at you yet.

You sat in silence for a few more moments studying his face, trying to get a read off of it. You could see the wheels turning in his head, he was looking for the right words.

“Kyun?” you practically whispered, sitting up cross legged, gently wrapping a hand around his, “I need to tell you something.”

He sat up in front of you, never letting go of your hand. His eyes finally met yours. Somehow they looked intense but soft at the same time, a look you hadn’t really experienced before. 

“Yes?” he asked, never breaking eye contact.

You took a deep breath. 

You reminded yourself of all of the reasons why you’d come to realize you loved him. How he accepted every single part of you, no matter what anyone else thought. How he knew your order at just about every fast food restaurant you guys would go to late at night. How he was your first real dance at your sisters wedding when you were younger, even if he did awkwardly step on your toes a few times. How he would call you from tour just to talk for hours into the night about anything and everything. Even when you were gone you’d still do your twice a month five hour phone calls to keep your sanity. You always knew it was him.

“I love you,” you said quietly, a small blush creeping up your cheeks. 

“You what?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“I said ‘I love you’,” you sighed, “as in ‘I’m in love with you and I think I have been for a long time now,’”

Silence.

“Well,’ he chuckled, dropping your hand to place it on your cheek, “you stole my line, but I love you too. As in ‘I’m in love with you too, and I know I have been for a very long time.”

“FUCKING FINALLY!!” Minhyuk screamed  as he popped his head into the room making you both jump.

You both laughed as you looked at each other, Changkyun shaking his head. 

“I forgot how nosey you guys are,” you laughed, “how long have you been out there?”

“Since dinner ended,” Hoseok giggled from behind Minhyuk, “we’ve been waiting for this for years!”

“You and me both,” Changkyun said with a smile before finally, FINALLY kissing you. 

After you finally broke apart from each other you were slightly embarrassed but not remotely surprised the you now had an audience of six instead of two. 

“Okay, free show’s over, I have a boyfriend to kiss. GET OUT!” you laughed as got up from your place to shoo the older boys out and shut the door.  

“Now, where were we?” you asked coyly. 

“I think right about here,” Changkyun smirked as you two started what would be a long and very satisfying night. (wink wink)

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 1x14

I just got done watching Nancy Drew episode 14, the sign of the uninvited guest and before I get into spoiler details let me sum up my thoughts on the episode.

Holy fuck

Okay so we’re just gonna dive right in and to start off it turns out Tiffany Hudson was never the murder target? Instead, it was RYAN Hudson. Lucy’s brother Joshua was taking his mother to look at a new mental asylum but when they stopped for gas she stole the car and hightailed it over to the Claw, where she used to work. The spare key spot has apparently not been changed since the 90s and so she just let herself in, creeping everyone out. My biggest issue was her red eyes she looked like she hadn’t slept since she was a waitress.

Lara Tandy has awoken from her coma and is feeling totally zen after her near death experience and wants Ace to come to Paris with her. The entire time I was torn between “that would be so sweet” and “Ace don’t you fucking dare”. Nick picks up a stranded Joshua and brings him over as Nancy charts out everything they know about the Lucy/Tiffany murders. Patrice sees and starts muttering the Lucy Sable Murder Song (seriously who even started that) and then Dead Lucy (my creepy precious daughter) trashes the entire board except for one (1) image. A screenshot from Nancy’s video of Tiffany where Lucy first shows up.

Nancy and Ace and Lara go to the police precinct to get Tiffany’s cell phone data. Turns out Tiffany was going to rich sounding places like the yacht club, leaving her phone there, and walking to her real destination so they go to the library where she spent a few hours before she died. Side note, I would watch an entire episode about just Ace and the library politics. I want to hear more about capture the flag and Denise. Maybe they used to hack together and it went sour, maybe they were rivals from the get-go. I don’t know but I want to Find Out.

Ace manages to find what Tiffany was looking at: emails between Lucy Sable and Ryan Hudson circa 1999-2000. Most of them are lovey dovey including an actual “I think I might love you” until the end where Lucy asks Ryan to forgive her. Ryan says he will never forgive her, calls her a whore and says he hopes she dies. Then they arrange to meet the night of the Sea Queen ceremony. You know, that one little night when Lucy was murdered. Let’s take an environmental minute to talk about what we think happened. Lucy apparently did something unforgivable, and since they were in a relationship and he called her whore, there is one glaring idea: INFIDELITY. But Lucy loved Ryan. Now I’m going to go out on a limb here. What if Celia and Papa Hudson hired some guy (maybe Owen Marvin???) to seduce Lucy or something and then told Ryan. Or maybe Lucy felt awful and told him herself. OR on an even further limb, Lucy and Josh are only half-siblings. Maybe they’re going to go a la Riverdale and make Lucy and Ryan (DISTANTLY) related or something. Either way, Lucy did something she regretted and then Ryan found out.

As far as Lucy’s actual murder, during the seance when asked if the Hudsons killed her she said yes/no. Celia Hudson was in Argentina at the time but could have hired a hitman, Papa Hudson has no known alibi and already murdered a crew full of sailors including his wife’s boyfriend, Ryan Hudson had plans to meet with Lucy the night of her death “at our spot”. I am Strongly Suspicious their spot is the cliffs she died on. I think it’s a safe bet at this point to say Ryan was somehow involved in Lucy’s murder. He is a Hudson, they’d been dating and she betrayed him somehow, and they had plans to meet the night of her death at an undisclosed location. Now whether he is the one who physically murdered her, I don’t know. I suspect we will have more answers after finding out how Lucy died which we need her BODY FOR. Or at least her skeleton. We assume she was stabbed because of the bloody dress and also knife, but what if she wasn’t? What if it was an emergency C-section, what if someone else stabbed her already and Ryan just couldn’t save her, what if it was some kind of accident? And remember there was also that whole Ryan Is Being Haunted thing for the Velvet Masque. Lucy haunted him so she could use his wedding ring to show her death led to Tiffany’s. Maybe she specifically used Ryan because he caused her death, either directly or by accident.

Back to the episode, I liked seeing the entire walkthrough. I didn’t realize how much had happened off-screen that first episode. There is also the question of WHY it all happened off-screen, but considering the leaps and bounds of progress quality the writers have made I will give them a pass. When they first brought up the switched salad I wasn’t sure if they were being genuine, or if it was a part of their plan to trick Ryan, but when he and Nancy were outside and they were still talking about it I realized it was Legit.

Then that scene at the end, how Nancy managed to flip the switch from “oh hey Josh” to “holy fuck you killed Tiffany” so quickly was so in character. My girl is just so suspicious of absolutely everybody and her mind just JUMPS between puzzle pieces as fast as mine does but her brain actually stays on topic. I thought the fight scene was really well done, because Nancy was mostly improvising and trying to get away not fight, and his death was accidental. But I also want to see her take self-defense lessons or something at some point because at the rate she keeps almost dying it feels like the reasonable next step to take. Or at least like buy a switch blade. Have Nick make her a toothbrush shiv. SOMETHING.

MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER. DEAD LUCY.

Okay guys, the part with the phone. I knew it was coming, and it was creepy, but now rewatching it I have to laugh because the first face she’s making during Nancy’s recording is really just a ghostly 😐. But then when she starts fucking crawling, now THAT was creepy. And then when she kept moving closer to Ryan with each lightning flash. (He CLEARLY had something to do with her death.) Epic. It makes me wonder how long did it take her to learn this ghost stuff, and what was she doing before Nancy found her dress? Just sulking around, maybe pulling the occasional Halloween scare. I would also watch a spin off of the 20 years where Lucy is just hanging around and dead.

Side theory. What if Patrice was somehow there that night? I have no evidence to back this up but she seemed very set on Lucy always being in the water and so maybe she saw her fall or something and that’s why she’s so crazy. Moving on.

To talk about the characters who are of course important. I didn’t entirely catch the whole Bess/Lisbeth/Amaya drama of the episode. I will say I like her with Amaya a lot more than Lisbeth for some reason because I can feel the chemistry a lot better with those two, and she and George had a nice talk at the end. SPEAKING OF GEORGE. I can see multiple ways the George/Nick/Nancy triangle could play out, let’s discuss some. A) George is about to confess her feelings to George right before learning he and Nancy have gotten back together. B) George is about to confess her feelings to Nick right before he tells her about his remaining feelings for Nancy and how much he Wants Her Back. C) George and Nick get together right as Nancy decides to fight for Nick. Let’s talk about this one for a moment. Promo for next week shows Owen Marvin (ugh) is going to be back (Ugh) and he and Nancy will kiss (UGH). Potential scenario, her and Owen are talking and he goes to kiss her and she lets him before pulling away and he says “why won’t you date me” and she says it just doesn’t feel right or her heart still belongs to Nick or something. Owen redeems himself before disappearing forever by telling Nancy to fight for Nick. Problem is Nick has seen the kiss but not Nancy stopping it and leaves, angry, because he was about to ask her to get back together or because he thought they had an Understanding or something. He goes to George who asks him out and he says yes and Nancy finds out and puts on a happy face and then leaves to go cry. God I really want to write fan fiction for this show but I CAN’T until Lucy’s murder is solved. Let me know how you guys think it will play out. Speaking of Nancy x Nick whom I love and adore, that part at the end when the cops and Nick had showed up. He said like less than ten words the entire time but his concern was just SEEPING out of him, and he so clearly like wanted to hold her but held himself back because he feels it is not his place anymore. I also find it telling that just as Bess is telling George to come clean to Nick, he is with Nancy.

In totally expected news, I am still pining for Victoria. Writers, please bring her back. I haven’t seen her since the seance episode and I Miss Her.

I have absolutely no idea what happened to Joshua’s body don’t even ask me. However I AM hopeful he has turned into a ghost and will have to be banished requiring VICTORIA.

I am SO excited for next week’s episode, the terror of horseshoe bay. It looks awesome and spooky and creepy and we will hopefully find Lucy’s body. Owen will be there which is Unfortunate but I am sure I can cope because Lucy will also hopefully be there and Nancy like spits out ghostly teeth at one point which is so metal. Since the season is getting close to wrapping up and Tiffany’s murder is officially closed, Lucy’s murder is the only major plot left, so I am curious what they will do for next season. I am hoping they will start laying the groundwork for it this season, but I also don’t want them to just drag out the Lucy Sable storyline for ages upon ages. (I’m looking at you Pretty Little Liars with your like five fucking As.) I’m interested in if it’s one or two murders again, or if it’s like one main murder but then with a bunch of mini mysteries sprinkled in a la the serial poisoner episode. I am thinking (wishing) as far as college goes, maybe Nancy applies and gets into Columbia but she decides to stay and open up some sort of paranormal/normal investigative service with Dead Lucy as her receptionist and Nick as her literary loving arm candy and the others can help upon request or something and eventually join. Let me know if you think Nancy will manage to clear her dad’s name or if he’ll actually be indicted. CANNOT WAIT.

[sherlollydramoine]

How the Lights Shine So Colorful and Bright

I hope that this satisfies. It just ended up being a bunch of cute fluff. This is actually two parts. Part one is just Rami X Reader and some quality time, the second part is Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader. Fyi, they have four kids in this one. :) Whoops. Busy little horn dogs. 

Warnings: implied/mentioned sex, and just a lot of cute fluffiness. I cried writing a part of this. 

These are just two separate HC’s totaling about 2k words

Rami X Reader

For the record I am not from NY, nor have I ever been to NY, so anything that is listed in here is sourced straight from a quick Google search.

Word Count: 1060 words (Part One)

You and Rami had escaped to New York in early December. He had some promotional work that he had to do, and he also said that you were overdue for some one-on-one quality time

You stayed behind in the hotel sleeping in for the first time in nearly six years, having four kids is exhausting, while he went to work. The twins, your toddler, and the baby

When he finally came back from fulfilling his work obligations he found you still in bed, dead asleep and he couldn’t help the quiet chuckle that escaped him.

He shrugged off his coat, and took his shoes off before he carefully climbed into the bed with you.

“Hey sleepyhead.” he says, as he gently brushes your hair back from your face.

“If no one is bleeding, dying, or the house isn’t on fire then please leave mommy alone!” you mumble out.

He laughs loudly and you open your eyes. 

“How was work?” you mumble out.

“It was fine. It’s always kind of fun doing the initial promo stuff. Buttttttttt, now that I’m free for the rest of the day I was thinking that maybe we could go get something to eat, and then maybe you know... because it’s been awhile since we’ve... ya know. I have plans for us tonight though.

Your day passes by all to quickly between shopping, eating, and having the hot sex you two were so overdue and that next thing you know it’s getting late. 

You had both taken a brief nap after one particular round of vigorous sex, so you were both charged up and ready for whatever he had planned.

He gets into the closet and pulls out a garment bag, and tells you to put the dress that is inside the bag on. 

You draw in a sharp breath, and then almost start to cry as you open the bag.  “Baby, where did you find this dress?”

“I found an old picture of the two of us and you were wearing it, and you know, I know people. So I had this dress made for you. I know how much that dress meant to you. You were wearing it when we first met, on our first date, when I asked to be my girlfriend, the first time we kissed, it’s also the dress I took off of you the first time the we had sex. When you lost everything in that house fire, you told me how that dress and your grandmother's copy of Pride & Prejudice were the only things that meant anything to you.”

You threw your arms around his neck and brought your lips to his. That is just how amazing your husband is, he would do anything like this for anyone that he loved. 

“So get dressed YN, because we have plans.”

You got dressed really quickly and taking his hand you both headed out the door of your hotel. 

Usually when you visit the city you both take public transportation, but not today. He had hired a car with a driver. You try to ask him what he was up to, and then it dawns on you.

“Baby are we.. are we going to go look at the Christmas lights?”

“Yes.”

“That’s just like-omg-I love you so much!!” you feel the tears wanting to start again, as you lean into his shoulder.

“Yes, just like our first date.We were both so broke, and I was so excited when you didn’t want to ditch me after that. That other guy that really liked you was rich, and I thought that there was no chance in hell that you’d ever want to see me again.”

“Oh baby. I had the biggest crush on you and we’d just never met, only ever seen each other from a distance. I never thought that I had a chance in hell because you were and still are the most beautiful man that I’ve ever seen.”

He kisses your temple, just as the car pulled over.

We’re at Rockefeller Center. You got out,and walked around for a bit. Admiring the giant Christmas tree and all of the other sights and sounds around us. 

When you were standing as close to the bottom of the tree as was possible, he took out his phone and angled the camera to capture you both in a selfie. 

An older gentleman and his wife were walking by and they stopped and offered to take a few pictures of the two of you. 

He presses another kiss to your temple, and then takes your hand in his. 

Your husband was so caring and gracious, that when a couple of fans spotted him, he happily agreed to take a few photos with them. You offered to take them and they declined and asked you to be in the picture too.

After spending a little while in one location, he’d have you back in the car and off to the next.

This time he shuffled you off to Bryant Park. The skating rink, with the NY Public Library looming in the distance, and all the little ways that the area was lit up. The random decorations around, the cool night air wanting you to just lean into him. The different vendors that were set up along the way.

The last location of the night was for a stroll down Fifth Avenue, mostly just so that you can look at all the displays in the windows, and the way things were decorated so meticulously. 

Your night ended with dinner at a restaurant close to your hotel, walking back in the chilly night air.

Walking, hand in hand, just like all those years ago. You really couldn’t have asked for a better date night. 

“YN, all the bright lights could never shine any brighter than you, or my love for you.”

He stops you in the middle of the sidewalk, others around you huffing in irritation as they had to maneuver around you; he reaches up to cup the back of your neck as your body practically melts into his. The kiss you shared was so sweet yet full of passion.

You rest your head on his shoulder. “This was the best date that we’ve had in a long time. Maybe we should strip it down more often, and just do things the cheap and simple way like we used to Rami.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

***********************************************************

Part Two

Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader

Go to the LA Zoo Lights - for the record I’ve never been there, never done that, I hope it’s not disappointing. I did a basic Google search and got some information about this. I hope for those of my readers that have been, that it is accurately described.

Word Count: 1056

“Daddy!!!! I wanna go to the zoo!!” your oldest two started yelling repeatedly, in unison

“We will go in just a minute, mommy is just finishing changing the baby.”

The sun had just barely set, everyone fed, and now you two were getting ready to round up your crew of kiddos to get them in the car.

They had been excited about going to the zoo in the dark for a week. It’s all they’ve talked about.

The twins were bouncing off the walls, your toddler was having a meltdown because she wanted to wear her pink sparkly shoes, but they were nowhere to be found, so she had to wear her purple sparkly shoes instead. 

The baby had just pooped after being fed, so you were finishing changing him and then everyone was set to go.

Sometimes you and Rami joke about how crazy you had been to have kids so close in age, but parenthood was something he wore just as well as he wore those fancy suits.

Rami was trying to keep your three oldest entertained as you dealt with the baby.

Walking into the living room, you couldn’t help but to laugh. Rami was on the floor with three kids on top of him.

“Heeeellllllllllllpppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeee!!!” he dramatically cried out, waiting for you to come to his rescue.

With a loud sigh you set the baby down on his play mat on the floor before walking over to your husband. 

You grabbed your toddler and one of the twins and began to tickle them.

“My heroooo!” Rami laughed, as he gave you a kiss, standing up. Scooping the other twin into his arms and tossing him in the air. 

“Soooo… who is ready for some zoo lights? And maybe some ice cream after if it’s not too late and you behave?!”

The two oldest stopped in their tracks and started screaming, which caused your toddler to start screaming, which made the baby cry.

Rami just laughed, as he scooped your infant off the floor and into his arms. 

Grabbing the diaper bag that was full to bursting with everything that would possibly be needed for an evening away from the house, along with the stroller, baby carrier, and the backpack, you grab your small army and head to the car. 

You are a minivan family. Rami hated it at first, but once he realized there was no way in hell that you were all gonna fit in the small SUV you had, he had begrudgingly agreed and bought the minivan

You were strapping in the twins, while Rami was wrestling with your toddler, the baby having already been strapped in to his car seat and snapped into the base of his car seat.

Rami drove you all to the zoo, where the twins excited screeching was just getting louder by the minute, the toddler just jabbering away about who knows what, God bless your infant son who was blissfully asleep amongst all the chaos.

You two learned the hard way about 6 months ago, to keep everyone strapped in until you were ready to go. Rami was on twin patrol, and you would handle the stroller and wear the baby. 

You climb into the van and get the twins out, they had their instructions to stand next to the van, and hold hands. Next came the toddler who was promptly situated in the stroller, and lastly the baby that couldn’t be bothered to wake up, while being strapped into the carrier, grabbing his blanket to cover his tiny body. 

Rami took the twins ahead, to go get everyone’s tickets, while you got the two youngest taken care of.

You could hear your twins Oooohing and Ahhhhing at the entrance already, and you smiled sweetly, knowing that this was going to be a great decision.

Rami let the twins lead the way, as only certain parts of the zoo were open during the zoo lights.

Watching the kids faces light up in wonder and amazement at what they were seeing.

The lights were bright and fun, the lighted tunnels were a favorite. 

You never would have thought that this would have ended up being your lives, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rami only got upset once during the evening when a fan approached and asked for a photograph, to which Rami politely declined stating that he was out with his family. You almost stepped in and offered to allow him to take the picture, but he was firm in his ‘no’ because he didn’t want them to accidentally snap any pictures of the kids.

He would get so mad when someone would catch photos of him and the kids, and post them online.

He was always so adamant that he wanted the kids to be as far removed from his ‘celeb’ life as referred to it, as possible. 

The kids knew their dad didn’t have a normal job, but they didn’t know exactly what he did, and he wanted it that way, until they got a little older. 

He never allowed the kids to live a ‘jet set’ life, choosing to allow them to have as much consistency and normalcy as normal childhood allowed. The only time you all traveled was when Rami’s job took him away from home longer than a month, and that was because he always insisted that he hated being away for so long. He used to just travel back and forth, but that became incredibly taxing on him, after the first couple of times, it was decided that travelling as a family unit was for the best.

The kids still got to see various parts of the world, and he always made it a learning adventure. Learning about different cultures, food, history, and languages. 

The adventure at the zoo was only supposed to take somewhere between 60-90 minutes, but of course, the twins and their never ending curiosity made the whole evening end up lasting about two and a half hours. By the time you were all heading back to the car all the kids were definitely exhausted and ready for bed. 

You barely made it out of the parking lot of the zoo and all four kids were out cold. 

You and Rami just smiled at each other, and high-fived, another successful family adventure for the books.

@xmxisxforxmaybe​ @mrhoemazzello​ @itsme690​ @txmel​ @r-ahh-mi​ @ramimedley​ @spacedustmazzello​ @safinsscar​ @ladyr0b0t​ @hissom1933​

[purplesurveys]

734

How was your Halloween? It was a lot of fun - Rita’s sister Torta invited us to her school’s college Halloween party so my orgmates and I planned a whole day/overnight stay at their place. I was Dora, Rita was Kuzco, Tina was Waldo, Blanch was Velma, Jum was Wednesday Addams, but I’ve forgotten what Laurice went as and I still can’t remember even when I’m looking at our old photos rn. The idea of going to Rita’s super exclusive super rich super old money village seemed a bit scary in the beginning skfkfhfg but she made us feel right at home immediately. When was the last time you skipped school? The one time I had to skip class because I was too late to enter anyway was for my PE class lasssst March, I’m guessing? It was either late Feb or early March. What color was the first pet you had? Orange. Have you ever had fake nails? No but I’ve lowkey been fascinated with them lately because of Kylie Jenner loooooool and want to try going to a nail salon to get fake nails. Like at least just for a day or two, just to get a verdict on them. How many vacations have you been on? We’ve had too many to count. I can try counting them but I’ll most likely miss several vacations... I’d say it’s in the 20-30 range, considering when my family started vacationing regularly and the fact that we travel 2-3 times a year.

Have you ever fallen asleep on the phone with the person you like? Yeah, until recently when I stopped having load to call her this is how I’d usually fall asleep. The white noise is soothing. Do you own/want a snuggie? Again, nope. When was the last time you went to a concert? August 2018. The show was actually scheduled for February 2018, but Hayley Williams got like a throat infection and it had to be moved. Which thankfully it was, because we only would have gotten older songs if the Feb show pushed through. Paramore didn’t release After Laughter till May that year. What did you do today? I consoled my girlfriend after she received some bad news, had a big brunch to celebrate my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary, played Duolingo for a couple of hours, and now I’m helping Gab make a script in Tagalog heh. Do you know anyone who is a total health freak? I dunno anyone who’s an absolute health freak but I have a couple of friends who will order salads and smoothies from time to time. Who was the last person you met? The last new person I met was the eye doctor I had for my appointment. Would you rather save your best friend or your mother from dying? Hate these questions. What color is your mousepad? I haven’t used a mouse since high school. What was your favorite year of high school? Junior year was a lot of fun. It was the first time my circle of friends started to really grow and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere and I was just generally happier that school year. Current favorite song? Don’t have one at the moment. I’m super detached from music these days. Ever had a teacher call on you when they know you're not paying attention? Yeah just once, in Grade 4. I was in the middle of telling a joke and Katreen and I were snickering pretty distractingly at the back, so we rightfully got called out on it. After that I never wanted to not pay attention in class. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive. You have people thinking you’re dead, you’re locked in a coffin, in total darkness, and surrounded by worms and other creepy crawlies that live underground. I can’t think of a scarier, more claustrophobic scenario lol. Do you wear makeup every day? The complete opposite. Tell me about your boyfriend/girlfriend? :) She writes very well and I love her poems the most; she has an amazing radar for excellent TV series and films and is always accurate about which ones are bound for the Emmys/Oscars; she has random hobbies that pop up from time to time, including mastering the balisong and crocheting; she really loves Italian and Spanish food; and she can sometimes have an explosive temper. Have you ever gone to the ER for something that could have killed you? I didn’t have to be rushed to the ER for it but a low number of platelets isn’t absolutely fatal, as far as I know. All I remember is that I had a 40ºC fever but weirdly enough I felt very well, like I was able to walk myself to the school clinic and make jokes to my mom about going to the mall instead of resting. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Yes, but shush. I really don’t feel like working on my thesis anytime soon. Do you like pulling all nighters just because? I don’t pull all nighters exactly but yeah, ‘just because’ is pretty much my reason for wanting to stay up till 3 or 4 AM most nights. Have you ever lived out of your car? No but I’ve done something that reminds me of it. In my first and second years of college when I didn’t have friends to see or places to hang at yet, I would stay in my car for all my naps, lunch breaks, class breaks, crying sessions, etc. How many closets are in your house? We have one in every bedroom, so that makes it four. Does your family own more than two houses? I wouldn’t say that. We have this house, and even though my mom still helps my grandma in paying for our old house, it’s wrong to claim it as ours. Have you ever eaten at Olive Garden? No...I don’t think I would be interested if given the chance either. Does your family vote on a lot of things? Not really. My dad has worked abroad for 20 years so he’s incredibly detached from national politics; my siblings are still too young for voter’s registration; and my mom only started voting again recently because I encouraged her to. Before the 2016 elections the last time she voted was back in 1992 if I remember right. Would you marry someone who could never have sex, for medical reasons? I’d be like 23% bummed but I imagine getting over it quickly and easily, so yes. I don’t really actively seek sex and I’m demi anyway, which is under the ace umbrella. What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? It’s gonna feel like the Hang the DJ episode of Black Mirror lmao but if our relationship proved to be very strong, then I would. Did you see Paranormal Activity? Yesssssss that was so much fun haha. I’m terrible with jump scares though so I haven’t seen the ending where she [spoiler alert] lunges towards the camera. Who was the last person you texted? I texted a promo code for my service provider hah. I don’t text anyone these days. Do you have a protective father/older brother? Yeah, my dad. Do you go out every weekend? Nope, I don’t really prefer to. My weekdays are usually very busy that I just want to do nothing by the time the weekend comes. Do you drink alcohol or do drugs? I drink sometimes and I guess you could say I take lighter drugs like caffeine, but that’s it. Does it snow a lot in the winter where you live? It does not snow here at all. Where do you go/want to go to college? I had always wanted to go to UP Diliman and fortunately I passed. Do you have any step parents? Nope. Does your cell phone have a full keyboard? It has a full touchscreen keyboard if that counts, lmao. Have you ever had a friend come over when you're sick? No but that’s also partly because I never get sick. Do you like cornbread? It’s okay, but I find it too dry. I’ll have it if it’s like a free appetizer or side dish, but I would never crave it. Do you know what year your mother was born in? 49 years ago. Have you ever been in an airplane? Sure. Is it really late at night right now? Not at all. It’s mid-afternoon.

[comicteaparty]

June 27th-July 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from June 27th, 2020 to July 3rd, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

If you could do your webcomic for a living, how would that change things in regards to how you work on it (if at all)?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'd definitely put out more content, cause I could focus on it fully every day of the week.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i would probably start hating it and get burnt out

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats why I would also have to start another comic or do short stories on the side or something, too.

I would probably keep individual comics update schedules the same, I'd just do more comics

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If it became a part-time job, I don't think anything would change. It kind of feels like that already. If I were in a position where it became a full-time job, I do dread how my relationship with the work would change. I don't think I could ever make as much doing comics as I do in my day job (which isn't crazy, but is comfortable) so I don't know if I could ever 100% transition unless it was really, really worth it It's something I've thought about a lot, for sure.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

In a way, my comic is my full-time job? I don't make very much money with it, but I do put over 40 hours a week into it, and I don't have another job. I am in the very fortunate position of having an SO who is able to support me financially while I try to get my footing with my passion. If I was depending on it for a paycheck though, the main thing that would change is my style would probably get simpler, because there is no way I can make enough pages a week otherwise.

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

It is really the dream to be able to do it! Right now I am unemployed, so I basically treat the comic as my fulltime job, until I find the next short project. I want to be able to work on it full time! In Denmark there are some cool possibilities to get funding from the government and I hope we can get enrolled with some of those programs with our comic.

I would also just love to do small videos, podcasts, animations etc. Small fun projects

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

If I had to do it full time, I think i'd put a LOT more hours into learning how to paint, watching speedpaints, ect. It'd also make a huge difference in my living situation, as the first thing I'd honestly do with a full time at-home job is move to another city with cheaper rent. Another state, maybe! Oh, and I'd do a lot more promo work. posters and animations are fun, but they're not quite worth it with an audience consisting of two my writing partner's friends, and my older brother.

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

the biggest difference, I suppose, would be that I would make a lot more pages, a lot faster. But I like it that it's been pointed that the relationship with work changes when you have to do things full time, so there may be some unpredictable variables there

eliushi [Keyspace]

For a living for me can mean many different things: able to sustain living expenses vs full-time. There’s overlap but one gives financial security meaning an element of creative freedom. The opposite end will probably entail working on other comic projects with the current one as a passion story on the side (no change but probably might not want to draw so much after drawing for work!) If we’re discussing the ability to do the webcomic full time without financial worries then I do believe my output will increase but also I will be dedicating more time to the craft (studying story structures, art directions etc) as well as marketing/joining professional associations/pitching/connections. There are a lot of career options within the comic world and I’d love to explore everything before deciding what’s best for the current story. Ultimately if I were to do this as a living, I’d treat it like any other job: a routine, a strive for improvement, and wellness to recharge. I follow several artists not only for their art but also their schedule/workflow to see what worked for others. It’s very interesting!

In reality though, I might work on smaller scale projects on the side to build up the experience and platform needed to tell the story of Keyspace. As a full time comic creator, I’ll be seriously thinking to covert the seven novel series into a hug comic project. So TL;DR if full time, I make more pages

varethane

I'm in an odd place with my comic because.... well, I sort of had an opportunity to spend all of my time on it for a few months, when I was in between contracts at work. But I found that I wasnt getting it done all that much faster than I did when also working full time

To be fair, it's kind of hard to compare my speed between the three periods, because when I returned to work after a few months away, it was after work from home had started and now I no longer have a commute, so perhaps my ability to squeeze comic pages into my free time has expanded.... but I feel like my attention span caps out around 8 hours on any single task

So I didnt work that much faster. But... I'm also bad at keeping track. I could be wrong.

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

8 hours is a long attention span

varethane

It's not all in one go, haha.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I definitely have to take breaks between pages, whether or not I have just a few minutes to a chunk of hours

It’s about finding a balance that works for you!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think I could put more hours daily into my comic than I currently do. I have a chronic issue with my drawing shoulder, so my body won't be able to handle that much work. Probably wouldn't be great for my eyes, either. I also don't know if I want my livelihood to depend on how many people like my story. This story is a pair of custom-tailored skinny jeans for my heart (and I have an unusual body type, making it impossible to wear skinny jeans regardless of size). It's a story I want to read. It's meant to fit ME. I don't want to worry about how to also make it fit a bunch of other people.

That being said, some people do find themselves in a situation where they're making something they want to read, and a bunch of other people just happen to like it, too. I think that would be nice

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I physically can‘t draw for more than four, five hours a day, found that out the hard wayy

eliushi [Keyspace]

I most recently developed pain likely due to RSI and have made accommodations since then but yeah it was scary to think that I have a limit in drawing time. Gotta find ways to take care of yourself for the long run

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I think if comics were my only job, I'd feel a lot more anxious about what I create, and would struggle to work consistently. Having another pursuit makes me feel like I have more freedom to experiment, learn, and make what I want to make.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

That's a really good point keii

Would drawing a comic for a living push me to change it to have more mass appeal?

I don't know but it is definitely possible and would be on my mind

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

It is the dream, if I could get a decent monthly wage on my comic, yes I will dedicate more time, work out a better schedule. Get an editor and colourist on board to help make a polished series. Altho I'm still doing this method to build good working habits But I agree with Eli's point, have to assign days for breaks for myself to prevent RSI. At present I have a trained mindset to work on schedules, but I may feel the pressure to produce as fast as I could.(edited)

Desnik

Well, for starters, my comic would actually be released somewhere, so it'd be nice if it made something back for me

Miranda

I’d actually release it. And work on it regularly, instead of sporadically like I have been! I’d definitely be more critical of what I was doing, and probably way more anxious every time I posted.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You know, when I was only like 6 years old, I was like "I don't want to be an artist when I grow up. I love art too much, and I don't want to burn out and stop enjoying it. So I'm gonna be a singer instead." I have no idea how 6-year-old me knew about burnout, but I definitely remember saying that in response to an adult asking something like "what do you wanna be when you grow up"/ "wow, you're drawing all the time; do you want to become an artist?"

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

The more I do comics the more I think I want to do art stuff as part of my main career. I would love to make sequential art that's for science purposes

sagaholmgaard

Ah that would be the dream! I'd probably feel more secure in my ability to build up a backlog of pages, and be able to make more extra content for the PDF version! And more content for instagram and twitter as well

kayotics

If I were to be able to do comics full time I think it would completely change my current lifestyle. Not even money wise but I’d need to switch up a lot of things. Like make sure I get a good amount of exercise in. I’d probably add in another page a week, but then use the rest of my week to project manage the comic, and promote my work. I’d spend a lot of other time working on creating an online store, because I can’t see the comic working full time without some supplemental merch keeping me afloat. And I’d also use that time to create and work on another comic series I think.

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

If I were to do comics full time I’d flex on everyone I know

Feather J. Fern

If I was able to do comics full time, be able to pay off debts, substain rent and food, and extra saved for small spluges, I will shove my comic in my family's face(I got a family who doesn't believe in me at all), dancing around screaming "I MADE IT IN LIFE" And then jump out the window because haha this can't be a reality because I don't think I will ever make it in comics. I will still keep my other job of working at a library and drawing on the side becuase I want working job insurance and also I am the type who wants to save all their money if possible(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I was on board until jumping out the window

Yung Skrimp (Carefree)

I wasn't on board until jumping out the window

Now I am

Moral_Gutpunch

If I could do this for a living, I could do so much. I could afford to put my mother ina home, start my dream farm and start a bunch of conservation as well, I could help my husband fund his own sidegig, and I could afford to foster pets like I always wanted.

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Personally, if I was able to do it I would be a lot more invested in it. I would also make a lot less excuses as to why I'm not practicing as much; it took a pandemic to happen for me to dry taking it more seriously!

I think overall I might have been more happy.

On the other hand, there's also the danger of burnout, of constantly doing the same thing over and over again for me. I'm the type that needs constant change, so I think I'm more suited to having another occupation be my main profession while comics/art would be a secondary one, where I don't have as much pressure. Furthermore, it's also my backup plan in case anything happens to my main job.

Moral_Gutpunch

^ This. I'd be focusing so much more on comics. And I'd be expanding into more comics and writing more stories. I'd be happier I'm writing more, but more frustrated at writers block

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Man if I could do it full time, might be able to pull more page updates and actually get deep into doing some long term projects I had planned for years. I won't have much of an issue as long i can also do my zine projects on the side. also would be nice to have some job insurance too along with it lmao. the only danger that could take it away if I get incapacitated for no reason lmao

TaliePlume

If I could do comics as my full time job would be awesome! But all that focus would go only to the comic and nothing else which is bad because I would be neglecting a lot of things and not getting other things done.

AntiBunny

I'd finally be able to tell my whole story and start telling another. It drives me crazy that I have more ideas than I can pursue.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

In terms of my actual production, I'm not sure doing my comic as a living would change much lol. I already spend upwards of 40 hours a week on it, I seriously doubt there's more I could be doing. So, earning a living off my comic would just be... one less thing to worry about.

[seenashwrite]

Notes From Nash: Season 15, Episode 3

It's ep three, and was third try the charm? Well, we're still in that little town, which is infuriating. But don't lose hope, chickadees. There was some character arc action and some plot advancing, and just drama in general, and it moved at a decently quick clip, all of which is refreshing after last week's ass-disaster of an episode. 

If I were grading this ep, all things considered (including some damn fine acting moments that elevated the material), it's an A-. (Five points were docked immediately because we were still in the little town.) But seriously, this week's writer(s) had a LOT to make up for given the aforementioned last week as well as a largely lackluster premiere, so you know what? Props to them. 

We got a loose end from season past tied up, got rid of some dead weight, and then there was a thing that happened that I’m not entirely sure was necessary at this interval, but I get why it happened. Of course, we had our requisite random hamfisted “solution(s)” and still-unexplained bits that should’ve been clarified ages ago, can’t not have those, it seems. Regardless, this episode was actually fairly interesting to watch. I’m still wary about the state of the season after the first two, but this one had some spark.

Spoilers below the cut, you know the drill.  

This one's in order, I was jotting stuff down as I watched. Past ep breakdowns linked at the bottom. If you’re new, hello, welcome, etc., I don’t do meta shit or reading into the symbolism of the color of a blurry wallpaper just over someone’s shoulder, I look at writing and cohesiveness and structure and flow and all that jazz. I basically just call things as I see ‘em. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

More spooky-scary still seems to be pouring from the hellpit, but at least this crypt is pretty, and Harry Potter tent-esque because the square feet inside is seemingly bigger than the outside.  

Rowena appears to be outfitted in one of my grandmother's housedresses, or a coffin lining, or a 1980s prom dress, whichever you prefer, and none of them have been pressed. I'm trying to say I don't like it. They also continue to do Ruthie's makeup in such a manner that she perpetually looks approximately fifteen years older than she actually is, so in a way I'm thankful this is likely her last episode. On the other hand, I trust these writers and the people who assemble/green light the promos about as far as I can throw them, so we shall see. In any event, Ruthie is quite the good actor and I hope she gets a million gigs after all this is done.  

This Sam-Dean moment with Creased Brow Sam and Gruff Voice Dean is falling so flat, not because of them, but because we're hearing The Same Damn Thing We've Already Heard. Move the plot along, please----- Oh wait here comes Belphagor once again with a solution, this time a nice little plot rescue MacGuffin! Lilith's Crook. Just gotta blow it like a horn. 

Motherbitch, this is stupid.

I got a thought: make it Gabriel's horn, so it calls in all the angels who should've come back with the reverse-y switch-a-roo, and they deal with sealing the hole, but bonus! At end of ep last scene is that it's also called Gabriel back, too. I'd announce to the universe that this show needs to hire me, but, welp.

Oh look, Ketch is in a hospital gown. Oh look, I bet Ketch is about to die in that hospital gown, instead of a badass suit like it should be. It looked like DHJ accidentally spoiled via a tweet that I happened to see----- 

I dodge the promo images and articles and such so I can give a view of someone who doesn't know what is coming in these things. 

-----because he talked about coming back just to leave again, that it was a pleasure, whatever, and y'all will have to fill me in on that because I kinda can't believe he whiffed that hard. I'm not looking it up, is my point. Did he whiff? Actually, don't answer that, I don't care. I mean, don’t go to trouble looking into it on my account.  

Hmmm. Was Ketch’s death entirely necessary? At least, right now? I dunno. Maybe. I’m 50/50 whether this, or have him be double-crossy then get killed later. In any event, well-acted by DHJ. He's quite fantastic. He is wasted in all the Hallmark dreck he's been in, I really hope he gets some good work after this. That's that. Moving on. 

We're 1/4 in, and I'll give it this: we've gotten some action, some drama, but they've GOT to make up for the lack of plot progression in episode 2. Belphagor is shady as shit, which we knew, and this just got reinforced by that demon who has such a hard-on for Belphagor getting axed. 

I do not mind rando badass lady hunter having lines and playing a tangentially-important role in the ep, but this means if we ever see her again, she'll likely get killed, so I'm not getting attached. 

So hell is an angry vagina. SFX, are y'all okay? Is that prick whose tweets occasionally come across my feed still working there? Y'all need some hugs? I know y'all need some better budget, that all the DC shows got it, but oh well, that ship's sailed.  

Well done set dec, I dig the ghoulish statues in that hallway. And hey costume design, I like the ring that dude was wearing, I would wear that in real life. It would also look great as a wrist cuff. I digress. 

We know this demon is not going to succeed in killing Belphagor, so once more we have a pointless halftime cliffhanger. Also, have I mentioned I'm done with Cas being a weak puss? I'm telling you, if stuff got rewound, he should be incrementally getting his mojo back, that tracks logically. See Ep. 1 notes for what I thought should've happened for a legit "Whoa" moment. 

"Do you have any idea what he is?" --- he's a poop demon. Again, see the first episode of @youtotallymadethatup​    /shameless plug

[sighs]

Is this show gonna end with a Jack vs. Jack battle royale? Because fuck that noise. But! Writing-wise, it's okay that ol’ Belph may become the big bad. Nash, why would you say that, you ask. Easy.

IT WILL GET US THE FUCK OUT OF THIS LITTLE TOWN

A. Ny. Thing. to get us the fuck out of this little town. I am so goddamned bored.

Cas, this is a mistake. You should leave. What are you doing. Leave. Don't fall for that. Leave. Go now. Whoosh. Okay, or glow worm and barbeque the body. That was a nice little catch of emotion by Misha at the end. Except are the demons now gonna jump into his body? Better not, we've seen that season. 

Commercials! Cannot believe I've not been inundated with the adverts for the convention here in the spring, that's usually the jam. Imma go get some frozen yogurt. Highly rec strawberry with a little warmed-up Nutella. Try it, then tell me I'm crazy. I'm not. It's heavenly. 

Aaaaand, we're back!

Don't look so distressed Cas, y’all were gonna burn it anyway. But this takes Jack v. Jack off the table. Hopefully this means we'll be headed back to the Empty to get some progress on that hanging thread from last season sooner rather than later. Still, I'm glad we are down a character for awhile, this character in particular was starting to work my nerves and honestly, is just dead weight. I want it back to Sam and Dean for the most part this final season with sprinklings of Cas. Everyone else is secondary.

[claps] Very excellent Ruthie and Jared. One critique: Wish there could've been some sort of line from Rowena, re: "And perhaps I'll get to see my boy again", something of that ilk.

But I want to say this, and say it emphatically:

The nonsensical spells pulled from asses must stop

The soul-catcher thing is an example of a great move because it drew upon the past, then built upon for the present. This heart and angel blood and salt shit, and then this “Oh by the way it needs my dying breath” stuff is just obvious “um um um well how about bleh” writing stumbles, and it shows. The only reason that lameness worked? Ruthie and Jared’s performances. Period. Because y’all gave them absolute garbage to work with, and they made it shine.

Hey! There's the two convention promos with one short local ad in between, followed by the same local ad again! I was beginning to think they'd forgotten! 

WE ARE OUT OF THE LITTLE TOWN, I REPEAT, WE ARE OUT OF THE LITTLE TOWN 

DEAN IS IN A HENLEY, I REPEAT, DEAN IS IN A HENLEY 

Oof, Dean. I mean, I figured this convo would have to happen one day, it's been building, because even though his intentions are good, Cas has been involved in his fair share of shit taking left turns. Hopefully Cas is going to go seek out other angels. Also, re: Cas saying he's getting weaker - because, why? WHY. This has never been addressed in a definitive, satisfactory manner. 

Right, so, like we do each time, let's check in to see if we've had any character development and/or plot progression: 

Do Ketch and Rowena and Belphagor count, since they've progressed to being dead? Dunno, that's more of a finality to their overall arcs. Dean's being an asshole and Sam's being weepy and Cas is being an Eeyore, that's about par. Meh. Okay. So did the plot get advanced? 

YES THANK YOU FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER SWEET LORD YES. But, eh... a little weaksauce. Yes, that chapter of the initial onslaught is closed, yet we know it's not over. So I feel like the ep should've ended with, after the bunker door slams, a cut to a little scene that serves as a clue about what lies ahead. I mean, ahead-ahead, season-wise. Like, twenty second blip, not even, then hard cut to black screen, then on to promo which appears to be MotW. 

So that's it, really. More adept writers could've made the material of #1 and #2 into the premiere (minus several things, most specifically minus Kevin, should've saved Osric for something else down the line), then this should've been episode #2 instead of #3. Can't unring that bell, though. Let's hope we hit some speed before Buckleming comes along to run us into a ditch, then (fingers crossed) we have a few eps after that to rebound for the finale.

See you next week.

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Past posts, from newest to oldest (and I sometimes do addendums if a response warrants)

Episode 2

Episode 1

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

im gonna just keep punching thru my WIPs so here’s some ~ign gun stuff~. i know everyone wants to talk about the new trailer and calypso stuff, i mean i do at least, but `checks list` i still have a lot of old stuff to get thru 😵

god i’ve been working on this for *three days* (yes! im not dead!)

tl;dr: i mostly just wanted to talk about how the CoV is using slag to power their guns to give them infinite magazines and ended up getting more proof for my ‘the calypsos are using eridium/slag to quickly mutate their followers and give them special powers’ theory. Also some interesting stuff about troy’s sword and his tattoos and his lil necklace things at the very bottom, if you’re interested. mostly ties it all into the new Eridian glowing stuff we’ve been seeing. they’ve moved on from purple -> red. which brings up some interesting questions...

So first I’m going over the individual IGN weapon videos, which you can find on their site here and on youtube here through HayderHype (doing god’s work). i recommend checking out this version because the ign player is not spectacular.

now to be honest im here to talk about three things from this particular vid: the areas we see in the gameplay, the new funky alien parts, and the CoV guns. the manufacturer perks are cool and all, but we already know most of that stuff. so I won’t be showcasing every gun from the video, but instead the more interesting/important bits I’ve noticed as I watched it

cool? cool!

the first area we get is definitely space rocks, im imagining this is similar to the area we see Zane in on that one promo sheet, 

(this one)

and, more importantly, the area where we will find that bigass space laser gun thing. i do believe that giant-ass gun is somewhere within Promethea’s asteroid belt.

(this one)

i am curious why the planet below doesn’t appear to have any asteroids surrounding it. maybe the giant space laser destroyed them. which i do discuss in this post here, if you’re interested in a very long read.

it could be that we’re simply on the side of the asteroids. which then makes me wonder, why are they all clustered there? it’s probably because the fuckin moon was destroyed. maybe by the giant space laser. which is also discussed in the post above 👀

it could also be elpis! the rocks are definitely gray enough lol and we don't exactly have a very good frame of reference for ‘asteroid’ vs ‘moon’. the giant space gun is out of shot, afterall.

ah. alien guns. 

i don’t think these are related to the bl1 eridian guns- not the kind we’ve seen that look similar to the Guardians in-game

that is:

this is all the same sort material as the Guardians, with their bug bits and armor and shit and these new alien barrels are all organic and squishy. (oh also take note of that purple thing on the eridian lightning, im going to bring it back later)

these new ones are definitely fuckin creepy looking, but not very bug-like at all. if they are related to eridians, it’s not through the Guardians. (as for the ACTUAL Vault Guardians/Monsters, yeah, it’s possible. i’ll get to that in a secco)

for the tentacle stuff, i know the Destroyer (not a Vault Guardian- it was imprisoned) is all ‘tentacles and disappointment’, but tbh i don’t see the asphalt lookin chunks being part of the Destroyer. and i especially don’t see manufacturers themselves harvesting the Destroyer for gun parts (Hyperion aside lol)

i could see them tying it in with the Rampagers (both fleshy with the black armor bits) but also... they’re not very tentacle-y. and how would manufacturers be getting the rampager stuff anyway? i suppose if that really is a teleportation network, then they would be on all the planets we visit. making them more available for farming. but still.

and yeah, the rocks probably have some sort of relation to Eridians, i mean we’ve seen rocks like these at Eridian dig sites and we know of a Vault Monster made out of similar-looking rocks

plus

this shloot gun, which i will get to later, appears to be made out of the same rock. 

so wtf are these tentacle things? made by eridians specifically for weaponry? a different version of the eridian guns we find on Pandora? did the manufacturers find a whole stash of these things and start making their own? instructions on how to build them? we know eridian writing is stashed across the universe, afterall.

maybe they are meant to be something different...

i honestly don’t know, and im getting off topic here, so let’s move on.

not a crashed ship. i haven’t seen ALL the eden-6 gameplay, but i’ve seen a few and they had only gone through the ship AI quest with ice-t and the very uncomfortably long jabber section. seriously, tf was that? 

also i still don’t trust wainwright. that fucker is totally gonna betray us for the key once we get him the pieces. also did you know one piece of the promethean key is on Athenas? wildin’. wait this game is just One Piece in space... fairy vearth i am coming for you... oh god, do i have a type? i think i have a type when it comes to media. ... hm.

oh, but the facility. i wouldn’t be surprised if it were Atlas. the red stripes also got me like ‘old Hyperion’, but again tf would Hyperion be doing on Eden-6? plus that one shot with Hammerlock in the new Eden-6 video makes me think it is, in fact, Atlas. 

(side note, i love when i search my blog for a post with the word ‘eden-6′ in it and i get literally everything EXCEPT the post where the hyperlink is literally eden-6. tumblr! you suck! your search function is terrible!  https://cruddyborderlandstheories.tumblr.com/post/186858618497/eden-6. but yeah this is where that hammerlock shot is, if you’re interested)

specifically this little thing here

reminds me of this labeling system that we see on Promethea, which marks different parts of the city (red and blue are the 2 i’ve seen so far)

which then begs the question: what was ATLAS doing on eden-6? back when i thought this planet was promethea, that was fine. but... it’s not. so wtf are they doing here? 

personally, i think they were researching whatever Typhon Deleon found here (or thought he would find here). We see he has historical markers across the planet, so i would not be surprised if he found something. 

to add to that, we know there’s eridian things on planet, because a. we see a eridian log in the moze gameplay. 

and b, which is new info from the recent community Q&A: those purple crystals we see contain eridian writing, and we use a “special tool” to dig them out

so glad we finally know wtf these are for lol

“There’s Eridian Writing, and you need a certain tool to get the Eridian writing and once you do, you find this across there (the planets i assume) and this Eridian Writing opens up certain things for players”. which has certainly gotten me INTERESTED AS FUCK

i know i mentioned in my post about these crystals that maybe these were parts of eridian artifacts and stuff that tannis would help us with and turn into gear. but honestly given how vague he is by saying ‘opens up certain... things’... i almost want to say skill upgrades. 

i’ve mentioned before (and actually it’s come back recently in an ask) that I really, really, REALLY want our VHs to get bonus skill trees due to Siren powers being unlocked (cause like if we do graduate to Vault Guardian then who is to say... we won’t?) and, like, sure, if they can’t break the ‘6 Sirens in the universe at a time’ rule, then mayhaps we will get some sweet Eridian upgrades through these writings to our already available skills. maybe new standalone action skills, since they’ve made it very clear you can equip any action skill you want. lorewise, it could be like how Fl4k’s skag becomes an Eridian Skag (cough LostLegionEternal cough)

or, maybe, they actually are schematics and Tannis will help us build them and we’ll get cool gear out of it. maybe vehicle upgrades or something. maybe even something pertaining to Guardian Rank (which I still think is us graduating from Vault Hunter to Vault Guardian and if thats the case then i really hope siren = vault guardian becau- okay i’ll stop sorry.). I don’t think it will be something that we MUST do for the plot, so it can’t be THAT important to the lore. Like i said in the old post, we probably will break one or two for the main story after getting the stabby brass knuckles, then we will be let loose to collect the others on our own free time. 

but yeah, the wording of “opens up” is doing me a big thonk because... well, he’s making it sound like an entirely new aspect of the game we have yet to hear about. of course he could just be using a very literal sense of the word in that we are literally opening up the crystals by smashing them open and freeing whatever is locked inside. especially because he says that specifically the Eridian writing, which we acquire with the tool, is what opens up those certain things. 

also guessing we get this glowly stabby tool from Athenas now, instead of from Atlas. I’ll explain in the Athenas post!! I promise. we have LOTS of stuff to discuss there, i’m very excited to work on it.

jesus i got off topic.

but yeah. i imagine Atlas would be researching whatever Eridian stuff Typhon Deleon found here. there’s clearly writing all over the place, with lots of eridian logs

it could also be that this is like Supamax MFG or some other production facility that was shut down and abandoned. doesn’t always have to tie back into the deep lore, as much as i want it to lol

but moving on. because good lord im not even like 2 minutes in on the first video and i have 2 more to go after this.

this area feels like the inside of the asteroid base.

there’s nothing but rocks floating outside! so i guess the theory about this being on the side of the asteroids was correct! huzzah!

poor promethea. they didn’t deserve it. also may just be some way to link up the promethea teleport system (because yeah im still standing by that theory) to the rest of the planets. or this is some way to activate a temple, or a Vault, or something Rhys wants exploded like Maliwan HQ... so many possibilities. Maybe it’s just that Maliwan was sky-bombing Atlas-held areas and he sends us up here to stop it.

so many possibilities. so little time.

moving on

looks like the place amara visits in her character trailer. given we’ve also seen the area Fl4k visits, im excited to see if we’ll also be visiting the areas from Moze and Zane’s trailers.

eyy more looks at that facility. definitely feeling like this is Atlas.

also, this appears to be similar to the window brick, mordecai, and tina stand in front of in that one shot. i know i already mention this in that VERY old post where i organized all the areas of the dev and reveal trailers, but still. good to see it’s standing up

also, if you’re wondering why i have yet to mention or show any of the athenas clips, it’s because im saving those for my next post. athenas all day babey (i am trying to use self-restraint, it’s very hard for me to not just blather on about stuff i want to talk about lol)

this appears to be the tink stripper area lol

thanks gearbox i hate it

why

big varkid!! with what looks like the HBC in the background. possibly some named badass enemy we kill for hammerlock? i can’t imagine this is big enough to be vermi.

the area with the ferris wheel!! i hope we can ride it. also that rollercoaster in the claptrap presents pandora video? omg i want to ride it sooooo badly

ah this is the jakobs family thing. part of the ship from the eden-6 demo

iirc this was where Moze is using Iron Bear during the We Are Mayhem trailer. I wonder if that’s Rhys’s office in the back or smth. very fancy

okay. finally.

the Children of the Vault Weapons. I’m actually going to showcase a few of these, because I think it’s important.

remember, the CoV weapons have infinite magazines (not infinite ammo)

so if you’ve noticed the similarities between these weapons: they all seem to be powered by eridium/slag. some have the purple piping (and with the fire/corrosive/shock elements, i have to wonder if this is similar to how slag mutated enemies will get elemental affinities) and shards of eridium sticking out of the detailing. 

given the piping will change colors depending on the element used, i definitely don’t think the glowing purple is just for aesthetic purposes and i 100% believe this plays into their infinite magazine size. i think this is somewhat similar to the Eridian weapons, in which they have infinite magazines and rechargeable ammo

(using the eridian thunder storm as reference here)

the CoV weapons don’t have rechargeable ammo, but they definitely have infinite magazines, which i imagine is a step in the right direction to recreating these eridian weapons with slag/eridium

so is this the reason that slag pool we see is ‘Holy Holy Holy’?

^ this is a glimpse at the structure below in-game spewing out eridium/slag, so we know what the full version looks like

and below is a version without slag/eridium:

i mean, it’s not like there hasn’t already been a precedent for worshipping guns and what provides them. just take a look at the bloodshot ramparts, the bloodshots worshipping Marcus as a god for providing guns to them.

i mean, even the eyeball symbolism is pretty familiar here.

and yes, this could 100% replace my other theory that the twins are mutating their cultists with eridium/slag. but tbh, i think it proves it even further.

remember this?

that piping looks really familiar, doesn’t it?

and we know goliaths in bl2 were mutated by slag/eridium/ruin exposure- it’s explained that a lot of the bandits teetering on the verge on non-human were mutated because of eridian ruins/tech (the key in sledge’s mine). so why would it be hard to believe that the twins are accelerating or activating this process using their own store of eridium/slag?

i won’t go full theory on this, because you’ve already heard me rave about it, but i think this is very nice evidence, so long as our previous assumption about the slag/eridium powering the CoV guns is true. which i believe it is

(From the Eden-6 teaser trailer)

(from the We Are Mayhem trailer)

very similar

so what the hell is in those vials?

looking at them, it’s clear the first matches up with the slag gun and the second with the fire gun. all well and good. maybe they’re bottling up that elemental goodness as sort of an ‘oh shit’ button, or just as a way to stand out in the cult, show off your allegiance to them by mimicking Troy’s vials (which i suppose i’ll have to touch on in another post, because iit will derail everything)

so i imagine this is provided by the cult- maybe because they are powering up their cultists using slag, in a very similar way to how they’re powering up their guns. forcibly mutating them and all that- speeding up the process that normally happens somewhat slowly on Pandora. afterall, isn’t that what the cultists are being promised? ‘special powers’.

but there is more

we know Tyreen’s power is to absorb the powers of people. Phaseleech or something. and when she does it to lilith in the new cutscene, lilith simply has her Siren powers taken away and is left in a near-death state. 

which is all well and good, but when Tyreen does it to her cultists... hell, even the Sun Smashers, something different happens:

we’re even allowed to watch the process take place

even before he’s fully dead, this psycho is turning to stone, which doesn’t happen to lilith. there’s a few reasons this could happen

1. Tyreen didn’t have intent to kill. she wanted to leave Lilith for the dogs- the Eridium-tier cultists

2. Lilith’s Siren powers are sort of like a shield- instead of immediately turning to stone under the effects of Tyreen’s powers, she instead loses her abilities

3. the bandits are different from Lilith, and that is because of her abilities as a Siren.

im going to go for the 3rd option.

we know bandits on Pandora are mutated by the slag/eridium/eridian ruins surrounding them. Krieg, an off-worlder, is taken into a hyperion testing facility and tested on with slag, which turns him into the badass psycho we know today. that gives him the exposure to slag/eridium/eridian ruins/tech. you get the deal. (im just going to call it eridium in reference to all eridian ruins/tech/slag/eridium.) and like Krieg, we see badass psychos roaming the wastes, even before Hyperion slag testing began to take place. this is because of their exposure to eridian ruins/technology across pandora- eridium hadn’t appeared until after the first Vault opened. 

so i dont think it hard to believe that these bandits are still being affected by exposure, to the point that eridium had begun to build up in their bodies, leading to these physical mutations and new elemental powers. this happens to the wildlife of Pandora, too. Badass elemental skags, fire spiderants, even bloodwing shows (a speedrun version of) this in the WEP. some muted bandits include badass psychos, goliaths, burning psychos, slagged psychos. etc, etc.

i think Lilith, being a Siren, is protected from the effects of ‘background radiation’ of eridium. she’s able to process eridium without any byproduct, and we can assume she’s converting it fully into energy/power (as Sirens are able to charge Vault Keys with it). we could argue that her Siren skill gain in borderlands 1 is explained by her being near eridian ruins for a majority of the game (slow buildup of background ‘radiation’), then in bl2 her skills skyrocket to an entirely new level (teleportation) because of her direct contact with pure eridium. and since she’s able to convert eridium into power, she doesn’t turn to stone when Tyreen absorbs her lifeforce- she has no buildup in her body.

unlike her, the bandits who spent a long enough time (7 years is long enough for the Sun Smashers, I would imagine. also probably long enough for Vaughn to start losing it- just a little bit) on Pandora to continuously absorb this eridium have a significant build-up in their bodies, so when Tyreen absorbs their life forces, the eridium already inside them is drawn out, or reacts with her powers, and turns them to stone/eridium crystals.

anyway.

moving on to more gun stuff

Borderlands 3: Every Gun Maker and Their Perks

like the last vid, im just going to be going over some interesting areas and guns if i see any.

>hold down the trigger to charge the gun and release a powerful pulse shot

did they fix Maliwan guns??? iirc from the demo you had to charge them to shoot at all! that’s wonderful!

also

looks like Zane might have an ECHO log somewhere in the Meridian Metroplex, if the VHs don’t have ECHOs in their inventory as starting gear (im curious if the ones on Sanc-III are supposed to replace that, or if they’ve only been put there for the demo...)

the reason im assuming this is an ECHO is because ur character’s icon will only appear if ur coop player is speaking and they’re far away from you (no coop partner in this clip), or if you’ve activated an ECHO log. there may be a as-of-yet unrevealed option, like maybe the twins playing back a recording, but we’ll see.

so, ahhh if ur in this general location, be on the lookout for anything glowing like a quest item

also also im surprised there are players who are using Zane and not playing with 2 action skills. that’s like... sort of his biggest thing.

ah well, that’s literally the only interesting thing outta this video, so moving on

5 of the Craziest and Awesome Guns in BL3

yeah this is the one gun i wanna talk about- i said i was going to be bringing it back later on and i wasn’t joking

so it should be pretty obvious by now this thing is Eridian. if the symbol on the top didn’t convince you, and the rocks didn’t either, then the diamond should, bc apparently that’s just, like, an Eridian thing now. apparently. no im not salty this shape just started appearing only in the 3rd game. that’s ridiculous.

... okay, only a little, i guess.

personally, i think this gun exists to explain why the Vaults and Vault Monsters drop loot that is... from our world/time period. Feed it Eridium, get guns out. how does it actually make gun? iunno. looks like it’s powered by fire, though. or whatever is in Troy’s sword/the cool knife knuckles

this stuff

orrrr

this stuff.

which... makes me think Troy doesn’t use his sword in the intro fight because he doesn’t have it yet. he might be waiting to get it back (upgrade?) or until he’s strong enough to hold it- or he just hasn’t found it yet. 

i mean, the boy can’t even pick himself up off the ground and suddenly I’m supposed to believe he can wield a sword that’s probably heavier than he is? he’s probably waiting to be full strength to use the damn thing.

and if he doesn’t have it yet, i would imagine they find it on Athenas or in one of the other temples while using the teleportation network (i will die for this theory until im proven wrong) and yoink that shit. i mean, who wouldn’t?

which also is making me wonder if the stuff around his neck is the new (old? before/after eridium?) Eridian energy/power. which i guess means we’re looping all the way back around to theory #1: wtf are those things around troy’s neck lol

it would be interesting if he’s gotta hold onto this for his powers or something. double interesting if Tyreen is making him use it because he’s useful, even though it’s killing him- if he’s useful somehow (like thru distributing the powers Tyreen holds, like i’ve been saying with my input/output twins theory for quite some time now) then Tyreen NEEDS him to do this for the cult.

i mean, his tattoos do glow the same color as the Eridian tech when they’re transferring what i assume is energy between the two of them

so it's not too hard to believe that his tattoos are somehow tied to this eridian tech mess. 

i almost wonder if this is like... a new version of Siren we haven’t seen yet. one not linked to Eridium like the other Sirens are. maybe created before/after the eridians had access to eridium (before they discovered it/locked it away in the Vault of the Destroyer), or an artificial one produced by the red-based eridian tech- and that’s why his tattoos are the same color as all the new eridian stuff we’ve been seeing.

but, eh. it’s whatever. this is a gun post, not a Calypso post. i’ll go in depth in a later post :^) (i am trying to stay on topic now. we’ll see how long this lasts lol)

[nekoabi]

On the Verge of a Heartbreak - Epilogue

Here it is, the monster of an epilogue... that took two days to write... because I have no self control... *falls flat on her face* Well, yeah. I hope you guys enjoy this! Gonna do a last promo for my writing blog that I’ll officially start posting to with the next fic: @nekoabiwrites

AU: Human, (post) School Pairing: Moxiety, OC/OC Words: 9621 (ye it’s long) Warnings: Mention of alcohol and drunkenness, descriptive panic attack, Roman gets mad a few times, yelling, bad life habits. Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: Roman Ashworth is loving his life, or at least... he thinks he is.

Roman Ashworth was happy with his life. He was perfectly content with his job and his lifestyle. Everyone at his job was too stuffy and uptight, completely not his type of people. He preferred to leave them to their own devices, having always turned down their invitations to spend time together after work until they finally got the message. Instead, Roman would go back to his empty apartment, take a few hours to wash off the boring 9 to 5 desk job costume and replace it with a perfect party look, go out to one of the many clubs, and then just dance and drink the night away.

He had friends, though. While at work, he’d talk with his co-workers and they were always so pleased to be around him. At the many clubs, Roman was close to all of the security and bar staff, so clearly they were friends. He even spoke to his old school friend, Remy, on occasion. Yes, Roman Ashworth’s life was going just the way he wanted it to.

That was until one day, when all the things he’d been running from and pushing to the back of his mind came crashing down around him.

It all started when he got a message from Remy, asking to meet at their usual spot that evening. Roman was utterly delighted that his friend wanted to spend some time together, would be a nice change from the usual day-to-day life. So, that night he cut his partying short and headed to their usual meeting point – a small local diner. Upon entering, Roman was easily able to pick out his friend due to the signature leather jacket and the fact there were only three others in the diner at the time.

Roman slid into the seat opposite of Remy with an exaggerated sigh, “Man, I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted!”

In front of him, Remy simply sipped loudly through the straw between his teeth. He kept the sound going for a few seconds for effect, but eventually let it pop out of his mouth, “You’re half an hour late.”

Roman scoffed, “I’m sorry, I’m just such a busy guy. I’m sure you know how it is.”

Remy seemed to consider fighting the point for a moment, but then clearly thought better. He shook his head and took another long drink before speaking again, “I have something for you, Ro. Something from your brother.”

At the mention of his family member, Roman immediately went on the defensive. Originally, he’d looked excited at the mention of receiving something, but that quickly went out the window. Roman crossed his arms and pouted, “I don’t remember having a brother.”

Remy sighed, already tired of Roman’s game, “Look, do you want to know what it is or not, because I can throw it away.”

“No, I wanna see it so I can throw it away if I want to.”

Remy rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the plain envelope and placed it in the centre of the table, within reach of them both and stared at Roman. Slowly, the man leant back in his chair and seemed to relax entirely, as if a weight he was carrying was dropped off of his shoulders. He casually sipped at his drink once more, watching Roman carefully as he grabbed the envelope.

Roman purposefully took his time opening the envelope. He could feel Remy watching him, even after the man had flicked his sunglasses down, and Roman really didn’t feel like playing up to his friend’s expectations. It was hard, but he managed to accomplish his goal and slowly took the piece of thick paper out of its holder, flipping it open fairly quickly.

His heart stopped as he saw what was, unmistakably, a wedding invitation.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Roman turned the paper towards Remy, pointing to it accusingly, “Because it’s not very funny.”

Remy pulled his sunglasses down a little to make eye contact with Roman, giving the man an opportunity to show his exasperation. “No, Roman, it’s not a joke. It’s a real wedding invitation from your real brother.”

“I already told you, I don’t have a brother.” Roman huffed. He opted to ignore the continued disdainful look from his friend and focus on the invite itself. It was proudly proclaiming the wedding of his former brother and his fiancé, who just happened to be the same person from years back. The silver detailing was intricate, yet also very simple as it stuck mostly to the border of the letter. Roman read the words again and again, trying to come up with anything else to say.

He didn’t want to go to this wedding. He didn’t want to see the man who was supposed to be his brother and the kid who he’d lost years ago. He didn’t want to see who he was marrying and see them both looking happy once more. He didn’t want to go because he’d likely have to see the other’s family and deal with all of them, which meant seeing… him.

“Ugh.” Roman threw the paper down onto the table and pushed it towards Remy, “I’ve thought about it and I’m totally not going. I’d have to see Logan again. I am not about to give him the satisfaction of seeing me and gloating in my face about how great he is and how much better his life is with his two brothers.” Roman pretended to puke, sticking a finger into his opened mouth.

Across the table, Remy had had enough. He roughly slammed the recyclable cup he was sipping out of against the table, not making a loud sound but getting his point across and managing to get Roman’s full attention.

“See? This-” Remy flicked his finger up and down Roman’s body, “-is the problem here. You.”

Roman spluttered, clearly offended. He went to speak but Remy took the sunglasses off of his face and snapped the arms shut, “I wasn’t finished.” Remy said, his voice somehow both calm and threatening at the same time.

“You are still holding onto the past, Roman. You tell me every time we meet up that you’re over it, that you’re done with all that, but look at you. You’re throwing away an invite to a wedding because you don’t wanna see one person. One person you’ve put characteristics onto that are not even a part of them.” Remy sat up straight for the first time, locking eyes with Roman, “How do I know that? Because I’ve met with them. I’ve met with them all, and guess what? They’re not dicks. They never were dicks.”

Roman was slowly getting angry. How could his friend turn on him like that?! “That’s not fair, Rem! I thought you were on my side!”

“OH. MY. GOD.” Remy threw his hands into the air, silencing Roman. The few people still around in the diner turned to see what was going on, “There are no sides, Roman. There have never been sides to choose. You made your own problems by focusing all your attention on ruining one guy’s life, and you are still so blind to all the shit you’ve caused.”

“Luckily, they’ve all been able to move on without you and they’re probably better for it. Do you wonder why you’re always alone, going out to clubs to dance with strangers, drinking the night away?” Remy asked rhetorically, “It’s because you’re unable to make friends. You never learned how.”

“That’s a lie! I-” Roman started to respond but Remy cut him off again, standing up out of his chair which caused it to make a horrible screech as it slid back.

“No, it’s not, Ro. You have no friends at work, which you happily gloat about because ‘they’re no fun’. You have no friends outside of work because all you do is go out and party with strangers who forget your name the next day because all of them are so drunk. You have half a friend, Roman Ashworth, and that is me.”

“Half a friend…?” Roman asked meekly, a little scared at Remy’s behaviour.

“Yeah, half a friend. Because I am getting sick and tired of all your high and mighty behaviour. You’re not better than anyone else, sweetheart. You’re actually worse off than most. And, if you keep this up, you’re going to lose that half as well, because I am gradually losing hope for you. I used to sometimes be able to see that kid I used to be friends with, the kid that was fun and wasn’t obsessed with himself, wasn’t obsessed with some other kid that had literally no interest in fighting him, and I’m really starting to lose sight of him.” Remy plucked his cup back up and made to head towards the door but stopped just as he turned his back to Roman, “If you ever start to wake up and see the destruction you’ve caused, call me. Or-” He reached back into his jacket again and pulled out a second envelope, this one noticeably thicker than the one he’d handed to Roman. He held it between two fingers, showing the other man that his name was written on the outside, “-I might see you at the reception.”

With that, Remy walked out the door of the diner.

Roman was left alone with the invitation still staring him in the face, along with the few other customers who were watching him with interest. Quickly, he grabbed the invite and walked back to his apartment.

He was absolutely furious that Remy would even say such things to him. How dare he insinuate that Roman was one of the worst people he knew! How dare he say that he was only ‘half a friend’ to Roman now! How dare he even try and compare Roman to those who’d dropped him so easily all those years back.

Roman stormed around his apartment for a while, thinking about what to do. “C’mon, Roman. Think. You just have to prove that he’s wrong about you.” He muttered to himself as he paced frantically.

Then he had the most brilliant idea he’d ever had. Roman dove for his laptop that rested on the small coffee table and switched it on as he took a seat on the couch. He drummed his fingers on the edge, a giddy sense of glee filling him. If Remy was so sure that everyone else was having a great time with their ‘friends’ and whatever, then Roman was just going to have to find evidence that he was wrong.

Roman searched through his social media in order to find either Patton or his fiancé. He first found the fiancé’s but then realised that he was blocked by the profile holder. Roman took offense and quickly moved to Patton’s, more determined than ever to find proof that their lives were not as perfect as Remy made them out to be.

“Oh, you were always too trusting, Patton…” Roman spoke low, as if he were taunting the statue of the man that resided in the profile picture. He wasn’t blocked here, he was even still a friend, which gave him access to all he could possibly want to find. “Let’s see what you have on here, shall we?” Roman spoke to himself as he began to scroll through the pictures Patton had posted over the years.

This trawling through the other man’s pictures and memories did not have the desired effect on Roman, however. Instead of finding pictures where they seemed to be faking their amazing life and great friends, Roman was being greeted by images that just proved Remy’s point. He searched desperately, trying so hard to find evidence to his theory, but ultimately came up short. He could reason out all the smiles with negative ideas as much as he liked, but there was no water to any of it.

Slowly, Roman started to give up hope and just began to click through the pictures. He’d not seen his little brother in well over 7 years, and the absence was suddenly hitting him hard. He’d gone all the way back to pictures that had been taken a little after the day they moved away from the old neighbourhood and was watching the young man grow into the adult he was today.

Roman clicked through picture after picture showing his daily college life; his dorm room, all the friends he was making, his relationship with his now fiancé. Everything looked idyllic and perfect.

Now, he wasn’t an idiot. Roman knew deep down that this was still an idealised version of Patton’s life, but there just had to be some truth behind it, especially as every photo was within a few days of each other.

He slapped the lid of the laptop shut in frustration. Roman decided to get some rest, he’d be able to focus better tomorrow anyway, and he would definitely be able to find something that proved his point.

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur of usual mundanity for the most part, though Roman was now hyper aware of how his co-workers acted around him. They seemed to grow quiet as he approached, either beginning to talk in hushed whispers or just entirely going silent. Before he'd had that talk with Remy, Roman saw these behaviours as invitations for him to start his own conversations with the groups he was passing by, but now he wasn’t so sure. Roman attempted to brush this off as a random coincidence and go about his day as normal, but the idea kept nagging at the back of his mind.

At the end of each day, he was more than ready to go about his usual evening routine and just go have some fun. Roman forgot about the social media scrolling and just did what he always did. He went out, got drunk and had a great time with some strangers, but one day, he left before the club closed because he still couldn’t get the odd nagging from his mind.

Roman huffed as he walked through the door to his apartment, kicking off his shoes roughly. He went to the bathroom to remove his makeup and his eyes caught the laptop still sitting on the coffee table where he’d left it weeks prior. He paused, considering it for a second before ignoring it and reaching for the makeup remover. It was only once he had fully cleansed his face that he looked at the piece of technology again.

Realising he’d never be able to sleep if he didn’t at least have a look, Roman threw himself onto the couch and flipped open the laptop. As he waited for it to load, he pulled out his phone and looked at his own profile.

He felt like he needed to compare himself, really visualise the difference that Remy had been talking about in order to understand it because he really wasn’t seeing it right now. His heart sank, and his stomach ached as he realised that every picture he had was usually of him alone; selfies of him in dark clubs or his own apartment. The ones that had other people in them were of people he didn’t know the names of or were of him and Remy. It wasn’t until he went back to his high school pictures that he was able to see photos of himself with people he could easily recognise and name.

Roman started to feel queasy so he threw his phone to the side and focused on getting back to Patton’s profile on his laptop. More pictures went by as he spent the next hour looking at them. Photos from holidays and vacations with his fiancé and their family, photos from date nights and anniversaries, photos of people Roman could vaguely recognise from their high school days. But then came the pictures from the last Christmas that had gone by.

The first was like most Christmas pictures he’d already seen on his travels through Patton’s life, showing him wearing a large festive jumper and his fiancé begrudgingly wearing one of their own. The next ones were what hit Roman the hardest.

He saw his parents. With his little brother. And without him.

Roman hadn’t realised that he’d not only dropped his little brother all those years ago but had also lost contact with his parents. He hadn’t spoken to them since he’d decided to move away to the city, figuring that he didn’t need to. Each and every time they’d invited him home, he’d been busy – or so he’d fooled himself into thinking. And they’d stopped trying after all these years. Patton had done the same back then, having moved away so suddenly and not really wanting anything to do with their parents, but he’d clearly patched up the relationship somewhat. It hurt to see this, see himself excluded from what could be seen as any normal family picture. The next one hurt even more. It was both of the families, sitting together for a posed picture. He finally got to see Logan’s face for the first time in years. He could seem him happy, alongside not only his parents, but also Roman’s own parents.

Roman once again slammed the laptop shut and left it to fall into sleep mode. He moved into his bedroom and attempted to fall asleep, trying to rid his mind of the image he’d just seen. The next day, he didn’t even feel like going out. He instead decided to sit on his couch and binge some TV. He tucked the laptop away in a place he couldn’t see it, trying to remove the temptation to torture himself some more.

This went on for another week, just Roman working all day and then sitting in front of his TV until he eventually passed out from exhaustion. All the while, he was cursing everyone he used to know, especially Remy. The man was supposed to be his friend and yet he’d cursed him like this, forced him somehow to look at all of those pictures and make him feel the worst he’d ever felt in his entire life.

It wasn’t until one of his co-workers approached him that Friday did Roman finally realise something was terribly wrong with his life.

Roman had almost fallen asleep as his desk due to his entire week involving him passing out at around 1am after laying on the couch for hours. So, when the meek young employee had approached and checked if he was okay, Roman was definitely startled.

No one at work had spoken to him so kindly in a long time. “I was just a little worried.” The young worker said, “You’re usually full of energy and life, but recently you’ve looked a little worse for wear and I just wanted to make sure you were okay…”

Roman awkwardly assured his co-worker that he was okay, or was at least going to be soon, still a little thrown off by the nice gesture. It felt good to be thought about by someone. Later, during his lunch break, he managed to catch up to the other co-worker and ask if they were sitting with anyone, before taking up a seat at the same table in the café.

That lunch had been the most enjoyable in a long time. Roman wasn’t sat at his desk alone or out somewhere by himself, he was laughing and learning about someone else. Later that day, he was still hung up on it and decided to pull out the laptop again.

He didn’t want to look at pictures any more, Roman decided as he unlocked the laptop once more. He moved back to the main page of Patton’s profile and scrolled a little through his other posts, reading the most recent ones that all seemed to be related to his upcoming wedding.

Roman paused for a second when he saw one that had a couple of names he recognised. Patton had made a post a few weeks back, talking about how his fiancé’s brother and his fiancé’s best friend had argued over who would be the best man, and both of them were tagged. Roman hesitantly clicked on the best friend’s name, just curious to see how he was doing.

There was some zing of joy that managed to sneak through the ever-present gloom that was filling Roman’s body as he saw that the old friend of his was doing well. He scrolled through the pictures for a moment, trying to figure out why he recognised the girl that was in a lot of the photos before giving up and heading back to Patton’s own page.

Roman paused as a thought entered his head. Remy had said he’d spoken to the couple, right? Did that mean…?

Without even really giving a single thought to the consequences of his actions, Roman looked at Remy’s profile. It was then that his world really shattered around him. Remy had other friends, Remy looked happy. Roman had very few memories where Remy was as happy as he looked in these pictures. He scrolled through a few, noting that the old friend he was previously looking at featured in some of the pictures along with the girl.

The laptop was quietly shut and placed back on the table. Roman was left in the dark of his apartment. It was now nearly midnight. This would usually be when he’d be in his element in the clubs, and here he was, sat alone. He reflected on everything he’d seen over the past weeks, slowly letting everything add up in his head.

He really did have no friends. He did nothing but work and party. He went to the clubs to fulfil that sense of companionship with drunken strangers who he forgot the names of before they’d even parted ways. He brushed off the invites to hang out with his co-workers and his family, which had made them start to ignore him. He’d deluded himself into thinking this was the best way to live his life, that he was free from all restraints and was doing exactly what he wanted. But those pictures told a different story.

Roman knew he wanted what those pictures had all shown him. He wanted friends, he wanted to have relationships that meant something. He wanted to get his family back, he wanted to laugh and cry with them and see them happy. He was starting to get that back from the singular lunch experience he’d just had, but that was only a taste – and Roman realised he’d been craving it for years now.

He groaned and buried his face in his hands, “What have I done…?” Roman once again spoke to the empty air, as if maybe some voice would respond to him. As his hands fell away and he stood to get a drink, the white of the wedding invite caught his eye. He’d dropped it onto the small table just outside of the kitchen area, thinking he’d throw it away eventually, but something was stopping him.

Just then, Remy’s voice rang through his head, “If you ever start to wake up and see the destruction you’ve caused, call me.”

Without thinking through the consequences, Roman reached for his phone and called Remy’s number. It rang for what felt like forever before Remy finally picked up.

“What?” came the sleepy voice. Roman laughed to himself; he’d forgotten that Remy was always cranky when someone interrupted his sleep. “Look, if you called to just laugh at me, coul-”

“I think we need to talk, Rem.” Roman quickly responded, before Remy could finish his thought, “I think… I need your help.”

There was a moment of silence, only broken by the slight rustling on the other end of the phone line. Roman fiddled with the ripped flap of the invitation’s envelope that was still sat underneath it on the table as he waited for Remy’s response.

“Okay. But we’re meeting late, I need my beauty sleep. Perfection like this doesn’t happen without good rest.”

Roman was able to hold back his laughter as his nervous energy poured out from him, “Sure thing. How about 5pm?”

“Uh, no, my terms. 8 or later.”

“Demanding as usual. Fine, 8.”

“You can’t talk shit.”

“Uh huh, sure. See you tomorrow, Rem.”

With that, they both hung up. Roman sighed and decided to head to bed, finding that rest came easier that night than any before.

----

Roman nervously tapped his foot as he checked the time on his phone for the umpteenth time since he’d sat down in their usual seats at the diner. It was now getting close to 8:45 and Remy had still not turned up or messaged him. Roman had already made his way through several drinks as his throat kept drying up.

As Roman was beginning to type out a message to Remy in order to check if he was actually coming, the man in question strolled through the door casually and slipped into a seat opposite.

“Sorry, I’m late. I’m just so busy… I’m sure you’d understand.” Remy flippantly stated, exaggeratedly gesturing and throwing his legs up onto the empty chair beside him.

Roman breathed out a self-conscious laugh at having his own words thrown back at him, “Okay, I deserved that…”

“Oh no, that’s just the beginning, darling. I have plenty more where that came from.” Remy pulled out his phone and opened one of the notes pages, “Should I list them for you?”

“Nah, surprise me next time.” Roman pushed the phone down. A moment of silence passed as Remy stared at Roman through his sunglasses, it took that whole time for Roman to realise his friend was waiting for him to say his piece.

He took a deep breath and began to speak, “I wanted to meet you to say I’m sorry for how shitty I’ve been. This whole month has been fucking torture because what you said has been playing on my mind, which made me see the truth. It made me realise I’ve just been pretending, pushing away the negative thoughts and making everything positive. I’ve been so focused on me, and I haven’t looked at anyone else around.” Roman thought back to the co-worker he’d spent lunch with the day before and smiled, “But now I realise that I need to be better. I need to listen to people, not just brush them off all the time… because that’s how I end up with no one in the long run. I figured the best person to start with in order to make myself better was you, Rem. You’ve been my friend for years, you’re the only one I’m still in contact with from back then and you never actually gave up on me, no matter how much I ignored you or frustrated you. I feel like I need to thank you and apologise a hundred times over before I’ve truly made up for all the shit I put you through, but I hope this is, at least, a good place to start…”

Remy was silently sipping at the drink in his hand. He said nothing, even after it was clear Roman was done. He let a minute go by, looking as though he was considering everything Roman had just poured out to him. “You’re right.”

“Huh?” Roman almost jumped as the man opposite suddenly spoke.

“You really do have to apologise a hundred times.”

Roman flicked his eyes around the diner. He was unsure if Remy had accepted his initial apology or not. He waited in yet more silence as Remy took another extended drink through the straw that was perpetually between his lips.

“…but I guess this is a good enough start.”

Finally, the cup was placed on the table and Remy smiled his half smile at him. Roman felt his entire body relax. He’d been so god damn tense this whole time without even really noticing it. He felt like laughing maniacally out of relief, but managed to reign himself in before talking, “Thanks, Remy.”

“That’s two.”

“Fuck... you’re actually going to keep count aren’t you?” Roman rested his forehead against the table, groaning.

“You know it, hon.”

“Great.”

“So, who’s next on your list?” Remy asked, changing the subject.

Roman raised his head and sighed, “See, I’m not sure exactly who I need to apologise to. Like, I know I should say it to my family and Patton’s fiancé’s family and everything, but who else?”

“Wow, you really do need my help. Alright,” Remy finally moved his sunglasses off of his face. He rested them up on top of his head, so he could look Roman dead in the eyes, “Let’s get started with this list.”

For the next two hours, the two friends sat and figured out a ranked list of people who Roman needed to apologise to. It started with the easier and geographically closest ones for Roman to handle, so he’d get the hang of what he needed to say and how to say it in a way that wasn’t awful. Remy listed off everyone he could think of on the top of his head before grabbing Roman’s phone and scrolling through his contacts and his social media. They left the obvious ones until last.

“So, when do you think you’ll speak to them?” Remy casually asked, as they’d now reached his family members.

Roman shrugged, “I dunno… Depends how quickly I get through the rest of these?” He said, clearly unsure of himself.

Remy raised an eyebrow, “Really? You can’t think of any time at all when you’d be able to see them all?”

“But… wouldn’t that be… kinda gross to do? Bring it all back up on their wedding day?” Roman was trying his hardest to think of a better time, but nothing was coming. After the wedding would be awful and he really only had two options before that: skipping out on their invite to the wedding and then showing his face after that when they would have already probably made a decision about him due to his absence, or turn up at the wedding, actively avoid interacting with anyone that might possibly recognise him but then that would also make it seem like he’d not cared to show up at all even though he had.

He began to search for even the smallest reason not to turn up, “Like, I don’t wanna start a fight on their wedding day, Rem. It would be bad.”

“Start a fight? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Well, y’know… me and Logan haven’t gotten along and-”

“Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Remy groaned loudly, rolling his eyes back. “Roman, come on. Are you still stuck on him? Just let it go, bitch. Oh my god. I don’t even know what he did to make you hate him so much, but it better be something fucking traumatic as hell or else I’m walking out of here.”

Roman shut his mouth. If he was completely honest with himself, he didn’t even remember what Logan had done all those years ago. He’d just ended up telling himself and everyone who asked that he was ‘just an uptight, controlling asshole’, but that still didn’t mean that Logan was in the clear. Also, yeah, he was kinda a huge dick to Logan and stuff, but that didn’t really matter anymore. He hadn’t seen the guy in years, so really it didn’t have anything to do with what he was currently trying to figure out.

“Wait.” Remy was currently reading his mind, if his facial expression was anything to go by when Roman looked back up, “You don’t even realise what you really did, do you?”

“Rem, please, just tell me stuff. Don’t ask questions like that… I can’t.” Roman whined, almost pleading with his friend.

Remy silently pulled out his own phone again. He scrolled through something that Roman couldn’t see from the angle he was currently sat. It was only once the phone was slid across to him that he was able to see that it was a social media chat. What he read caused his stomach to churn.

Message after message sent between Patton and Remy went by. He read all their discussions, from their first correspondence where they’d lamented the loss of their friend and brother, up until their recent talk about asking him to come to the wedding.

“Oh, that’s not all.” Remy plainly said as Roman attempted to push the phone back to its owner. Another chat was opened, this time with Reggie. He scrolled back up to a specific message before letting Roman read again.

This time all the messages described what had happened once Roman had left the school and the effect he’d been having on his little brother and their friends. He was only able to get to the messages that described what he’d done on that fateful day in the park before Roman had to stop himself before he puked.

“Okay. Okay. I get it. Just. Stop showing it to me.” Roman cried out, leaning against the back of the chair in an attempt to get as far away as he could from the phone screen.

“Do you really get it, Roman?” Remy asked, his voice measured and serious. “Do you get what you did? What your actions caused? Because you better understand before you even think about seeing any of them again.”

Roman swallowed hard and tried to calm himself down. It hadn’t occurred to him that he’d been such a dominant source of anxiety and stress for his little brother and his friends. He’d never stopped and thought about how his obsession with proving Logan was somehow worse than him and taking him down a peg would even remotely cause such changes. He’d absolutely never thought that he would actually have been the source of arguments and disagreements. Something inside of him was thrashing about, yelling at him and punishing him. Maybe it was his morality that had finally been released from its cage after all these years.

He didn’t even realise he was losing himself to it all until a hand rested on his shoulder and Remy’s voice reached him, though it did sound like he was far away down a tunnel, “Hey, Roman. Can you breathe for me?”

Roman tried, but he found his lungs weren’t listening. They seemed to just want to breathe sharply. It was almost like he was drowning, he was shivering like mad, but he felt like he was in boiling hot water. His muscles were tensing to the point of being painful, causing him to start to curl up into a ball, which didn’t help his breathing.

“C’mon Ro. You can do it. Just follow this pattern as best you can.” Remy started to gently stroke a rhythm out on his back, keeping it perfectly in time. Roman could just about make out Remy vocally breathing through it at the same pace.

He managed one shaky breath, but then fell back into a couple quick ones. “Good, that was good, Ro. Keep trying.”

It took a few minutes, but eventually Roman was able to breathe deeply again. He was now able to notice Remy crouched at his side. They were still in the diner, it was still dark outside. Everything was getting back to normal. Aftershocks still racked Roman’s body from time to time, but he felt better, “What… what was that?” He asked, still a little dazed.

Remy stood up and took his seat across from Roman once more, “A panic attack, Ro. I guess that was my fault, shouldn’t have thrown that all at you in one go. Sorry.”

Roman shook his head softly, “Don’t. It’s okay. I just… I never realised. I didn’t know that-” His throat seemed to close as he went to admit it out loud. He cleared it purposefully and powered on, “-that I did all that. That it was all my fault.”

Remy nodded, “Well, do you get it now?”

“I think so…” Roman bowed his head and paused as another aftershock of shudders flew through his body, “I have so much more to apologise to them for, huh?” He smiled ruefully at his friend that was back to sipping at his new drink.

“Understatement of the century, sugar.” Remy responded with his own smile as he also flicked his sunglasses back down over his eyes.

From that night onwards, Remy would spend at least one evening a week leading up to the wedding with Roman. He was the one who critiqued the apologies Roman came up with and got him to change them for the better, while also being the support Roman needed in order to even go through with some of them. As the weeks went by, the pair found themselves just enjoying their nights together as they relaxed a lot more. Roman was still trying to get out of some of his old habits, but Remy wasn’t too pushy on it. He was finally seeing the kid that he became friends with back in middle school; the sassy confident asshole that complimented him so well. Remy had to remind Roman of his old self from time to time, especially when he started apologising for something that wasn’t a big deal.

One night, Roman and Remy were simply lounging on Roman’s couch, watching a show and chatting. Roman grabbed the wedding invitation off the coffee table and turned to Remy, “Hey, so I was re-reading this earlier today and it’s an invite to the reception, right?”

Remy looked between the invite and Roman, eyebrows raised, “Did you think they’d invite you to the ceremony? I thought we’d already worked through your delusions, but alright.”

“No, you dick.” Roman shoved Remy’s shoulder with an exasperated smile, “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Ohhhh, sure.” Remy held his hand still as he was shoved lightly again, making sure to not spill the drink he was holding.

“So, what about you?”

“I’m going to both.”

“Oh.”

Remy glanced to the side and saw Roman’s slightly downcast expression. Clearly the man had not been expecting that revelation to come out so easily, but he quickly managed to shake it off and smile unconvincingly once he noticed Remy looking at him.

“Okay, Ro, do I need to explain again how much I’ve been in their lives?” Remy sighed and tilted his head back to rest against the back of the plush sofa.

“Nah, I kinda knew it. I guess I just needed to hear it to really believe it. Y’know?”

The corner of Remy’s lip twitched into a smile, “Yeah, I get it.”

Then the week of the wedding came. Remy had to cancel their usual get together as he needed to travel, but he did threaten Roman gently in order to make him promise to show up. This threat was what made Roman turn up on time, finding himself swamped in a landscape of unfamiliar faces. Some of the more friendly and chatty guests tried to start small talk with him and Roman obliged them, being as polite as he could while also dodging around the question of how he knew the couple.

Roman eventually found himself lingering in the bathroom of the reception venue, checking himself in the mirror over and over. He kept finding small things that needed to be fixed, but a small part of his brain – that sounded strangely like his friend - told him that he was stalling so he didn’t have to go through with what was going to undoubtably be the hardest apology he was ever going to have to do.

He wasn’t deluded anymore. He was aware of what his actions had caused, at least as far as Remy could tell him. There was no way for him to truly know what effect he’d had on Patton and his parents after all these years, but he knew it wasn’t a positive one. Roman was highly aware of the fact that they might not accept his apology outright and – while he knew it would hurt – he wasn’t going to be surprised if that happened. The amount of pain and suffering he’d caused over the years was a hell of a lot, almost to the point of being unquantifiable, so he was prepared to take their decision with dignity. He knew it wasn’t about him - well, okay it was a little about him, but it wasn’t about him – so if he was left hurting at the end of it all, that was just how this was going to go.

His phone buzzed as he was bracing himself to leave the bathroom. Roman checked it to see a message from Remy.

Rem: Boy. You better be late or something, because I will ruin you if you’re not coming.

Ro: I’ve been here for almost 30 mins, just been in the bathroom for...      For most of it.  

All of a sudden, the door to the bathroom slammed open and crashed into the wall.

“You better get your cute little ass out of this bathroom right now or else, lord help you.” Remy shouted. Roman realised that the door hadn’t even shut as Remy finished his sentence.

“Rem!” He whispered harshly, “Shut up! The last thing I need is-”

“…It’s not a wedding without a fight, right honey?” Laughter followed the voice that floated through the small crack in the door as it finally shut.

Roman hung his head and turned away from his friend, “Great. Wonderful. Just perfect! Now people actually think I’m getting into a fight! Y’know, the whole thing I wanted to avoid!” Roman glared into the mirror, trying to catch Remy’s gaze.

The other man was leaning against the wall between two of the stalls and simply shrugged, “Wouldn’t have been an issue if you didn’t hole yourself away in here, honey.”

Roman scoffed and rolled his eyes before turning back to face his friend, “Don’t you ‘honey’ me. Ugh, I don’t know if I can do this, Rem…”

“You can and you will, unless you want-”

“Unless I want you to tell them that I’m a coward who turned up and wanted to apologise but skipped out because it was too difficult for me. Yes, I know, Rem. You’ve told me a hundred times.” Roman cut across the other, sounding exhausted.

“Alright, good, you listen. Now, you’re gonna stand up straight, walk out of here, go find your table, sit and listen quietly like a good little boy, wait until the moment you can move and then go say your thing, right?” Remy casually rattled off the plan they’d gone over and over in Roman’s apartment a few weeks ago.

Roman sighed heavily, “There’s no getting out of this, is there?”

“Nope.” Remy crossed his arms, “Either you do it yourself, or I drag you out of here to do it, and that wouldn’t look good, sweetie.”

“Ugh, I know! I know!” Roman almost cried to the ceiling, as if he were cursing some kind of omniscient being for putting him in this situation.

Remy blinked a few times before speaking again, “Are you done?”

Roman pouted but nodded. He followed his friend out of the bathroom, taking a deep steadying breath before stepping out into the large reception room. He stood just outside of the door for a moment, unsure of where to go. From what he could see, there was something like a photo booth on the far end of the room, which was decorated with pictures and memories of the couple as well as several things that bore the couple’s last names. Currently over there were some people he thought he vaguely recognised, there was a tug at his memory that told him they could be aunts or uncles or cousins that he’d only met a few times. Seeing them reminded Roman that family were going to be involved and he suddenly felt the need to hide back in the safety of the bathroom once again.

Remy made sure he couldn’t do that, however. Almost as if he had a sixth sense for Roman’s panic, the other man grabbed his wrist just before he was about to turn and run before dragging him over to the table that sat just next to the entrance.

“So, you’re back here. What are you going to do?” Remy prompted, pointing at the table plan for the dining area.

Roman found his name at the table furthest away from the head table. He’d expected something like that and so it didn’t come as much of a shock, but he realised that – in order to get to the head table – he’d have to walk through the dance floor, which would be completely clear and in full view of everyone attending. Roman could feel his heart starting to pound as he visualised the worst; being watched by all those pairs of eyes, being rejected immediately without even having the chance to speak and apologise, physically being dragged back across that empty floor and thrown outside.

Remy comforted him by gently stroking the pulse point on his wrist, “Hey, chill out. You’ll be fine. Patton will hear you out, he’s a good guy. Everyone else will follow his lead. Just chill.”

Before he could even respond, Roman was interrupted by the call for everyone to take their seats in the dining area. He shakily drew a breath and looked at Remy, who nodded to him. Both of them walked through the double doors, but Remy was being sat at a table near the front, so he left Roman to sit at his assigned table.

Roman tried to control his pounding heart and his shaking hands as the rest of seats filled up. He quickly realised that he was at the “Random People We Invited But Really Didn’t Expect Them To Turn Up” table, as three of the seats around him remained empty and the rest recalled stories of one time encounters or impersonal tales of how they knew the newly married couple. When it came to his turn, Roman made up a story of how he’d known the couple back in high school – it wasn’t a full lie, but it made it easier than possibly having to explain why he, the brother of one of the grooms, was sat here at the back of the room.

It felt like an eternity before the wedding party finally arrived, giving Roman a reason to stop talking to these people he didn’t know. He clapped politely along with the rest of the room as everyone entered and took their seats at the head table, though he was unable to take his eyes off of his parents and Patton once they’d come through.

They all looked so happy, like actually really happy. Roman had no memories of any of them looking like that, at least as far as he could recall. His stomach started to sink even more as the toasts began, the realisation that his awful behaviour years ago really affected his family in such a horrible way. He barely paid any attention to the toasts and speeches, especially when they came from people he didn’t know or were about events he’d never even heard about. It was yet another reminder that Roman had missed so much of their lives. He reacted in kind with the people at his table, smiling and offering a weak chuckle whenever they laughed, but none of it was real. The only time Roman really found he focused was when people he did know spoke, mostly his father and Logan.

Patton and his new husband – who Roman realised he should now refer to by his name, Virgil – took to the dance floor for their first dance. The moment was pure and adorable, yet Roman felt ill watching the two of them. All he could see as he watched the couple slowly sway were the young kids he’d thrown around and yelled at in the rain all those years ago. Guilt was dripping through his body, making him want to curl up and hide away from everyone. It also gave him the drive he needed to stick through it and make him want to apologise, he wanted to get his family back and see them happy. He wanted to replace that awful memory with ones full of smiles.

Roman almost missed the call for the buffet to start. They were going up table by table and, of course, because he was at the reject table, his was going to be last. He was not upset by this arrangement at all, however. It gave him more time to psych himself up.

The buffet was right across the room from his seat, which meant that if anyone looked just to their side, they would have a full view of him. Roman made sure to keep his face covered by his hand as the head table gathered their food, using the guise of propping his head up as the ruse. He watched and mentally counted down the numbers as each table was called up to get food. As Remy’s table went up, the two made eye contact and Remy jerked his head towards the long main table, a silent message that reminded Roman of his ultimate goal. He nodded in response, which seemed to placate Remy for now. Finally, his table was called.

Roman stood with the rest of them but lagged behind a little as they all passed in front of him. He wasn’t hungry at all. Throughout the process of all the guests gathering their food, Roman had seen many of them take a detour to the head table in order to congratulate the couple on their marriage, so him crossing the empty dance floor wasn’t going to be too out of place. The last member of his table passed in front of him and Roman took the plunge, walking directly towards the head table.

At first, no one seemed to respond in any negative way. They must have thought he was another well-wisher or something, not surprising as they hadn’t seen him in years. It was only once one person clocked that it was Roman that everyone else seemed to fall silent as they realised it themselves.

The rest of the room quietened in response, as other tables seemed interested in what was going on. Roman clenched his fist quickly to try and stop him shaking before he opened his mouth.

“I am here to apologise. To all of you. To my parents, for ruining your lives for years and destroying relationships you may have otherwise spent time enjoying. To all the people here who knew me in high school or college, specifically those who were there to witness… that day. I apologise for causing so much stress, for almost ripping your friendships and relationships apart. I am so sorry for being an ever-present thought in all of your minds and being such a problem for you all. To anyone I used,” Roman glanced to Remy for a second and then to Reggie, who sat at the head table, “I am sorry for being a blockade and a dick to you all. I wish I could have understood how to be a better friend and how much I had to lose back then. I am sorry I only saw you as a tool to further my stupid, self-imposed revenge that really made no real sense. To Mr and Mrs Mortenson, I am so sorry I targeted your son and almost ruined your other’s relationships. I’m sorry I stopped you from seeing my parents back then and I am so sorry for being the reason you moved out of a neighbourhood that appreciated you both so much.”

Roman paused for breath, knowing the hardest part was just about to come out.

“To Virgil,” He turned and looked the man in the eyes, trying to ignore the hatred that was blazing in them, “I am sorry for everything I did to you. I had no idea what impact my actions and words had on you, especially back then. Now, I am aware that I likely did lasting damage and for that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for trying to stop you being friends with Patton. I am sorry for causing your brother so much trouble and hurt that he was worried I would turn on you. He was probably correct about me back then, and that is unforgivable.”

“To Logan,” Roman turned and looked at his self-proclaimed school rival, finding the knot in his stomach untying as his gaze wasn’t as rage filled as his younger brothers, “I am immensely sorry for everything I ever did, for all the awful things I put you through. I know my actions and my words were disgusting and I fully own that fact now that I have been able to see the consequences. I am sorry for treating you unfairly and making assumptions that pushed me to find new and creative ways to be a pain in your ass. I am sorry that I ruined so much of your life and practically forced you to worry even more about your younger brother, purely because you were worried my attention would turn to include him in that stupid vendetta I had. I’m sorry for every word I said against you, I am sorry for every action I took against you.”

“And… to Patton,” Roman could feel his eyes beginning to tear up a little as he looked at his younger brother, seeing the small vulnerable young kid he’d almost destroyed. He refused to let himself cry in this moment, it wouldn’t look good and would make him feel like he was trying to gain sympathy, “I am sorry to you, Patton, my little brother, for everything I did. I had no idea that the boy you came home excited to talk about from preschool would turn out to be the man you loved, and it is awful that I tried to stop that. I am sorry for trying to push you to be like me, I’m sorry for even considering and implying that you were even remotely like I was back then. I’m sorry for all the teachers that compared us, for all the stuff I spouted about how close we were, for all the times I caused you to panic and worry about me or anyone I was involved with. I’m sorry that I almost ruined everything for you. I am truly sorry for it all.”

“I understand that some of you may not accept this apology and I want to say that I understand and will respect your decision, no matter what. Everything I did was unacceptable, and I am disgusted with myself. I wouldn’t be here without your kindness and willingness to at least give me a chance, and I definitely wouldn’t be here without you, Patton, reaching out to someone who could get me to realise the problems and hurt I’ve caused all of you. Thank you for being so gracious in listening to me today and for even considering inviting me to the happiest day of your lives.” Roman bowed to them out of pure instinct. He blinked back the tears that were still pricking at his eyes. His throat had caught several times and he needed to now swallow hard in order to stop him from bursting into tears.

Roman stood up straight and looked along the head table. He smiled and thanked them once more before going to turn and leave.

“Roman, wait.”

A voice stopped him from moving. Roman turned back to see Patton standing up, along with Virgil and a couple of Patton’s side of the wedding party. They seemed to be having a quiet argument, so Roman stood still and waited patiently to see what was happening.

On the other side, Logan was watching the man stood in front of him with a soft smile. He was fully aware everything Roman had just said was sincere. So many times in high school did Logan have to sit and watch as Roman faked his way through apology after apology, empty promises that he’d never do anything like that again to any student. This time, the emotion was plain for all to see and his eyes didn’t hold the rage and promise of more hurt. Logan physically found himself relaxing. He even helped in coaxing Virgil off of his new husband.

Everyone was silent as Patton smiled warmly to Virgil, “I know what I’m doing. Don’t worry.” He whispered before pressing a kiss to the other man’s cheek. Patton turned and walked around the table, coming to stand in front of Roman. He could see his older brother was tense, was clearly trying to hold himself together and so Patton smiled a comforting smile before wrapping his arms around Roman in a gentle hug.

Roman’s eyes flew wide. He hadn’t expected this. He stared between the table and the man hugging him carefully. When he heard the next words from Patton, everything came falling down.

“I forgive you, Ro.”

Roman wrapped his arms around his younger brother, silent tears falling from his eyes. He knew he still had a lot to do to make up for everything he’d done, he knew he hadn’t won all of their trust back, but he was more than willing to put in the work to do it. Roman was determined to prove he’d changed. But now, all that mattered was that he had his little brother back.

Last Chapter

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[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 93: Alone at Sea

“But why would a fish ever bite a hook?”

Something I don’t believe I’ve mentioned here before is that both of my parents are ministers. I myself am not religious (not because of trauma or anything, my folks are great), but I was raised in the Presbyterian Church by a mom and dad who often saw things through a “hey, that could be in a sermon!” lens, and that tends to rub off on a kid. Not to oversell the value of these posts, but it’s not lost on me that I ended up writing something to share with people every Sunday. I can think of worse people to emulate.

So it’s hard for someone like me not to notice that Gems take crucial steps towards becoming Crystal Gems through some pretty baptismal circumstances. I’m not saying the symbolism is intentional, because neither aquatic rituals nor the show’s crew are uniquely Christian—Rebecca Sugar, for instance, comes from a Jewish background—but we’ve yet to see a Gem fall in love with Earth without being reborn through water. Peridot first bonds with Steven in the rain. Ruby and Sapphire land on solid ground together in the rain. Pink Diamond and Pearl first realize they need to rebel as a storm brews.

And then there’s Lapis Lazuli. 

Lapis literally entered the series because Steven broke a mirror, so it’s no wonder she’s misfortune personified. Bad things happen to Lapis. Bad things happen because of Lapis. And sure enough, she might control the same waters that herald rebirth for other Gems, but she’s also consumed by them. Her old life can’t get washed away because she’s still submerged. So an episode about Steven trying to reconnect her with water is bound to be a bit more complex than a joyous scene in the rain.

Alone at Sea takes us to a dark place for Steven Universe, even compared to its preceding episode, the harrowing Monster Reunion. Plenty of bad things have happened to our characters, but for the first time since the Week of Sardonyx we must confront that one of our characters has herself intentionally done a bad thing. Not day-to-day meanness or misguided acts of loyalty to Homeworld, but something truly awful. Almost as if we’re priming for some big reveal about a core character’s moral ambiguity at the end of the season. 

This isn’t to say that Lapis, who also entered the series by stealing the ocean and battling the Crystal Gems, is a stranger to doing bad things. But there’s a gulf of difference between seeing magic antagonist stuff and the learning that she was abusive to her ex. Not many kids are gonna cause marine catastrophes, but way too many kids are gonna have to deal with abusive relationships one day, so Alone at Sea can’t help but feel more raw.

The first moments of the episode show that Lapis is more than her suffering; she’s capable of having genuine fun, especially with Steven. She hints at her deeper issues by insisting she doesn’t deserve to be treated nicely, but she’s just as quick to snort with laughter. And even after boarding the rechristened Li’l Lappy, she’s willing to give happiness a shot. While she’s uncomfortable about dipping her toe in the water, she still finds moments of joy (particularly when it comes to horns). But more often than not, this positive outlook is hindered by her crewmates.

Greg, bless him, hurts more than he helps. He introduces himself as the guy whose leg Lapis broke, his discomfort around her water powers stifles her floundering self-confidence, and he bores her to death with regular fishing. Likewise, while Steven means well, he’s overbearing in his attempts to make Lapis happy. As awkward as it is, I’m glad the show acknowledges how easy it can be to mess up when trying to cheer up a friend in the dumps. Despite Steven’s apology about pushing too hard, we don’t get an explicit lesson about paying attention to how your friends are feeling instead of steamrolling them with fun. This isn’t a criticism: it’s okay to not get explicit lessons all the time, and it’s a nice change of pace from the show’s recent string of episodes that outright tell us the moral, even though these morals are sound.

Everything comes to a head when the rudder is thrown off, veering Li’l Lappy and her namesake off course. Steven gives that apology, but Lapis reiterates that she doesn’t deserve his help, and this time we learn why: as brutal and bullying as Jasper is, in some twisted sense Lapis learned to love their toxic relationship, using it to take all her grief and rage out on Jasper. We saw a hint of her aggression in Chille Tid, but in Jennifer Paz’s best delivery of the episode, Lapis reveals that she misses Malachite. And right on cue, the opportunity to fuse with Jasper again reveals itself.

Jasper’s last lines that weren’t just shouting “YOU!” at Steven were all the way back in Jailbreak, but Kimberly Brooks is worth the wait. Her hungry correction that she was “looking for you” instead of the crew as a whole is perfect (the woman knows her way around second person pronouns), and she manages to become even scarier when she transitions from menacing to begging. All at once we see that Jasper is still monstrous, but has been changed by Lapis. Not in the way she’s saying when trying to convince Lapis to fuse again—there’s little indication that Malachite would be any healthier if she came back—but in the way this massive warrior is on her knees pleading to essentially be made a prisoner again.

From her debut, Lapis has been the most powerful being on Earth by a country mile thanks to her mastery of its most abundant resource. She effortlessly bested the Crystal Gems in Ocean Gem, and had the mental fortitude to overcome Jasper’s iron will and wrest control of Malachite. But only now, in Jasper’s pleas, does a character finally acknowledge Lapis’s power. It speaks volumes to their relationship, because it’s not just about control and manipulation: at some level, beneath all the toxicity, Jasper understands Lapis in a way others don’t. It’s not enough to make them a functional couple, but it shows that there’s an uncomfortable level of nuance even in relationships that are obviously bad. It would be much easier to write either Jasper or Lapis off as totally rotten, but Malachite wouldn’t work without a hint, however small, of real affection. 

Malachite made both Jasper and Lapis feel stronger, but they weren’t strong in the real way: they were suffering, and instead of trying to fix this problem, they each learned to like the suffering. And it might be easy to place more blame on Jasper than Lapis, because even here we see how manipulative and violent she can be, but Alone at Sea doesn’t shy away from Lapis’s complicity even when presenting her in a more heroic light. Steven doesn’t call her out on her behavior, but he doesn’t exactly correct her when she reveals how terrible she’s been.

Back in It Could’ve Been Great and Message Received, we got a taste of uncertainty in terms of Peridot’s future. Sure, a promo spoiled that she was staying with the Crystal Gems, but otherwise there was no telling whether she was a temporary addition. Lapis has the same quality, but amplified to a thrilling degree due to her rockier stance with the Crystal Gems. When I first watched Alone at Sea, I legitimately didn’t know what would happen next. Lapis was such a new and tenuous ally and had so much baggage with Jasper that it wouldn’t have shocked me if she had gone back to being Malachite, especially considering how underused Malachite ended up being. It gives the episode way higher stakes than, say, the Week of Sardonyx, where despite the turmoil you could pretty much guarantee that the Crystal Gems would come out of it okay. Lapis is fundamentally not okay, so anything could happen.

And that actual chance of returning to Jasper makes Lapis’s rejection so much more triumphant. She seems to sincerely consider Jasper’s offer, even when she sounds sickened by the prospect, but when given a true choice she’s able to see past her longing for that life. Malachite began with Jasper’s forceful “Just say yes,” and she can’t come back if Lapis says no. It might be alluring, but unlike Jasper, Lapis refuses to take the bait. 

I haven’t gushed about Aivi and Surasshu for a while, have I? I’ll be honest, a big part of that is that with the release of Steven Universe’s first soundtrack, the composers stopped releasing background tracks on the internet, and only several years later have these tracks finally popped up again. Access to their music got scarcer and scarcer, but I’m so glad that before it dried up, we got the instrumentation of this final sequence, because it’s really something.

As the clouds gather and she talks about her time fused with Jasper, we hear the buildup of Lapis’s darker theme, and the moment she reveals that she misses being Malachite, the fusion’s ominous two-note motif clangs just once. The track is soon overtaken by Jasper’s synth drum war march, with only hints of Lapis’s celesta leaking in (just like in The Return), but as Jasper begs to fuse again we get the very first quiet version Malachite’s motif (at 1:49, it’s so easy to miss); the fusion’s theme is no longer a force of nature, but a desperate plea. 

A piano rendition of Lapis’s theme drowns out Jasper as she considers her options. Strings build to the same fever pitch that we got when Lapis first agreed to dance, but they fade to a quiet conclusion as she refuses to go back to Malachite. Jasper’s drums make one last appearance as she lashes out at Steven, but Lapis’s counterattack is as musically calm as her rejection. Lapis could have gotten loud, dramatic variants of her theme for her one-two punch defending herself and then Steven, and it would have sounded awesome, but instead both big moments show that she’s shunning loudness for peace. Tying all these musical themes together is impressive enough, but that restraint ties the whole scene together.

Jasper is about to dominate the final arc of the season in a story that has nothing to do with Lapis, but everything to do with Lapis. It’s safe to say Jasper doesn’t handle their breakup well, and her collection of Corrupted Gems is less a matter of a soldier raising an army and more a jilted lover looking for acceptance after being abandoned for what’s likely the first time in her very long life. This is the first in a string of blows that knock Jasper down more than her fight with Garnet ever did: it’s one thing to lose, but it’s another to be rejected, and until Jasper learns to make a change, rejection is the only future she’s got.

Lapis goes right back to being an angsty teen after this, despite getting more comfortable around Peridot. But Alone at Sea makes me appreciate her eventual abandonment of Earth when the going gets tough again, because while it’s not the right thing to do, it makes sense that a character with massive unresolved trauma would follow the most defensive instincts possible to avoid further pain. I’m not huge on the show just saying Lapis did something awful and not following it up with much soul-searching, but she does plenty of work outside of Jasper and perhaps it’s for the best that she focused on less toxic parts of her life for self-improvement.

The big bummer of Lapis and Jasper’s story is that it never really resolves: even when Jasper halfway reforms, she and Lapis will never share a screen again, let alone have a conversation. I’m not saying I want a reconciliation, but apology is good for the soul, so I hope that someday Little Homeworld sees a moment where Lapis says she’s sorry for her part in Malachite’s agony, even if Jasper was worse.

Still, seeing Lapis refuse to re-fuse still works as a resolution to the episode, if not the arc. And she does work on her issues in other ways, even if Jasper doesn’t. But even though this is their last interaction in the series, admitting your mistakes and choosing not to repeat them is itself a noble step.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

She’s not even in the episode, but Pearl and her swim cap are the winner of this entry. Does nobody else care about their hair?

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

This is our second excellent feel-bad episode in a row. We may not ever get an acknowledgement about the abusive nature of Lars and Sadie’s relationship in Island Adventure, but at least we have this episode addressing the issue.

(Bear in mind I’m not champing at the bit for more abusive relationships in children’s media, but if you’re going to have them, I just think it’s irresponsible not to use them as an educational tool, is all.)

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[svtntntn]

jukebox!!

greaser!seokmin x waitress!you

THE PERFECT GIF

inspo: seokmin during booseoksoon's 'just do it' and call call call promos

seokmin studies at the diner on the corner of the street, ordering a single milkshake everyday he’s there and choosing his favorite song from the jukebox

tbh, lee seokmin shouldn't even be in the SVT gang to begin with

he fell into it by accident bc he was jeonghan's assigned mentee from a mentorship program at school and jeonghan called him as a last resort when he and joshua needed help with something

so he did so, and when seungcheol offered him a spot in SVT, he accepted it bc he's loyal and devoted to his mentor and friends, no matter what trouble they're causing

bc now they're in it together!

SVT are the greasers that run the eastern part of town, organizing bike races, causing mayhem and chaos, basically acting as delinquents in school and in town

it's kinda a surprise to everyone at school that seokmin's a part of SVT, but with SVT second-in-command yoon jeonghan as his assigned mentor and his friends being in SVT as well, it was only a matter of time

seokmin's typically tagging stuff with hansol and soonyoung or riding his bike into the school parking lot with mingyu and minghao

he's tried to study with the rest of the guys before their meetings but they're all so loud and rambunctious that he needs his own study space

after classes, seokmin frequents this one specific diner near the eastern/western border of the town for one thing and one thing only: strawberry milkshakes

he gets his favorite strawberry milkshake with the perfect dollop of whipped cream and a shiny red cherry on top while he studies in a corner booth right next to the jukebox, where he can easily slip in a quarter into the machine and request his favorite songs to hum as he does his homework

the diner's patrons love love love hearing him sing as he re-writes his chem notes, his own high notes reaching every corner of the diner till he's met with a small chorus of applause

it's not until afterwards when they notice the back of his leather jacket do their breaths hitch and the whispers start circulating around the room

you don't really know why that happens tho

you just notice no matter what, the man who always orders the same strawberry milkshake everyday wears his leather jacket with pride everyday

you’ve been working at the diner for awhile now, since you just moved into town with your family

and your eyes always catch the handsome man sitting by his lonesome in the same booth by the jukebox

and you want to say something to him, but nothing comes to mind when you stop by his table except, "enjoy your milkshake" and he gives you a small smile and a grateful "thank you" back

your co-worker seungkwan always tries to hype you up to get you to say anything to seokmin

bc he's in seokmin's choir class and knows that he's a super sweet guy who would like you back

so bc you're not very good at articulating your words, you decide to write on the back of his receipt instead

you decide write something simple: 'you have a beautiful voice:) -(y/n)'

you give seokmin his receipt after he pays and he thanks you, pocketing the scrap of paper and exiting the diner with his backpack

when you walk back to seungkwan, he just scolds for you being too subtle whilst saying you have to do something bold and get his attention

but you're not all into being bold and brash (hahahaha) so you brush off your crush as just being that: a harmless crush

it's not until seokmin's at home and he's emptying his jacket pockets does he notice your note

he saves it in his notebook and it definitely sets his mood for the entire day:)

when he ventures over to the diner the next day, he recognizes you standing at the jukebox with a quarter in your hands

you're perusing the jukebox's library when someone taps your shoulder, scaring you and making you drop the coin

"sorry!" seokmin drops down and gets the coin for you, handing it back to you

he glances at the catalogue set on the very last page, "hard time choosing a song?"

you nod, "especially since I have never heard of most of these"

"you've never?" seokmin's surprised, but he smiles warmly at you, "I guess we're gonna have to fix that!"

he fishes around in his backpack and pulls out a little coin purse, entering his own quarters in the machine and pressing in combination after combination for several songs, "these first few are my personal favorite, then I'm just setting the jukebox to play other tracks I like"

you nod and you ask him what song to use your quarter for, "save it for when you find a song you really like" 

he slides into his usual booth and you pocket the quarter, choosing to take his advice

"so, just a strawberry milkshake then?" you ask him expectantly, shooting him a wide smile

"yes please" seokmin nods as he pulls out his notebook and study material

you put in his order and wait on other tables, helping an elderly couple two booths down and a rowdy bunch of guys seokmin recognizes from another school at a table near his own

the group of rowdy guys continue to shout above the music from the jukebox, jeering at each other and catcalling at you when you walk by

you try to your hardest to be polite and tell them to keep it down as to not disrupt the other diners, but they brush off your warnings 

and seokmin's just trying to study and listen to the music, especially since he wanted to you to listen to the songs he loves too but he can clearly see that the boys are making you v uncomfortable

so he goes up to the table and asks them to either keep it down and stop catcalling you or apologize to everyone and leave the diner asap

seokmin pulls all his moves from when he's seen seungcheol and jihoon act intimidating to other rude ppl when they're out and about

he also makes sure to take his time walking back to his own table, letting the boys stare in shock at the SVT initials on the back of his jacket

needless to say, the boys pay their bill and leave right when you come back from the kitchen with seokmin's milkshake, all the boys bowing to you in apology and cowering from seokmin's glare

when you appear at his table, his glare melts into a cheerful smile, "thank you (y/n)!"

you then help the elderly couple at their booth, who both have been watching everything go down, "excuse me miss, can I pay for that boy's milkshake? tell him that the world needs more people like him" the old man smiles

you nod to him, "sure, let me fix your bill for you" 

on the couple's way out, the elderly man tips his hat at seokmin, who gives him a bright smile but is terribly confused on the inside

when you venture back to seokmin, he's ready to pay for his bill when you show him the paid receipt and relay him the man’s message to him, "they said that the world needs more people like you"

the message clicks in seokmin's head and he looks down at his notebook modestly, "oh"

and of course, you've already caught on to what the old man meant, "thank you for helping me deal with those boys"

he immediately shakes his head, "oh! no no no, it's no big deal! you just looked uncomfortable and they were being jerks to you and—"

"no, it really means a lot to me, thank you..." you assure your gratitude to him with a kind smile and you pause for his name

and now seokmin's just staring at you bc wow your smile is really beautiful and the sunlight from the blinds make your hair shine and your eyes sparkle and wait, were you asking for his name? shoot—"oh! sorry, I'm seokmin!"

"I'm (y/n), nice to meet you" 

a light bulb goes off in his head, "(y/n)! you wrote me that note!" he pulls out the receipt from his notebook and you blush now

"I did write that, yes"

"I'm sure you have a beautiful voice too" you shake your head no, but seokmin disagrees with you, "you do! just listening to you right now, I can tell you have a beautiful voice, are you sure you're not an angel?"

okay, that was something he definitely learned from his mentor jeonghan and now you're DEFINITELY flushed

you don't know what to do at this point but you hear the jukebox stop playing music, "ah, the jukebox! it stopped! I-I should play something!"

seokmin chuckles at you and helps you choose more songs to play, using his own money again and packing up his things

"I'll see you tomorrow, (y/n)?"

you smile at him, "with one strawberry milkshake ready for you"

seokmin's on cloud nine the rest of his night

even when he's out with hansol and joshua tagging buildings and whatnot, all he can do is draw little hearts as you cross his mind

as the next couple of days roll by, you've developed a love for a lot of the songs on the jukebox

specifically all of the songs that seokmin recommends

and all the love songssss;)

seungkwan notices the little skip in your step as you wait on tables while the same five songs from the jukebox play

he nudges your elbow as he punches in another receipt on the register when you're next to him, "you're staring at the door again"

 you straighten up next to him, trying to find something to fuss with instead of staring at the entrance for seokmin to come in, "am not"

"you are too, and I'm getting tired of the same songs playing, would it kill you to change it up? I get that they're all seokmin's favorites, but he's not here right now"

"fineeee"

when seokmin does come in, seungkwan tries to joking go to his table to serve him, but you race over instead

seokmin's order is still the same and you try to stop by his table as much as you can without getting in trouble or neglecting other customers

he always sings out loud to the songs you've tuned on the jukebox and it brings such a smile to your face to hear him sing

gosh you love his voice

you both bond over music really well and when the diner's empty and it's just you and seokmin (and seungkwan occasionally), you all sing out loud and dance around the diner

you always write on the back of seokmin's receipts still, trying to make the note different each time 

'how much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice! I hope this makes you smile! -(y/n)'

'the ladies at the counter are talking about how handsome you are, and I have to agree ahaha -(y/n)'

'you sing everything so well, how!! -(y/n)'

'have you ever tried anything different at this diner? hahah -(y/n)'

'these milkshakes are as sweet as you -(y/n)'

gosh, who is the actual greaser? him or you?? who knows ahah

seokmin saves all of these receipts in his notebook and they've become one of his most treasured items

his small crush on you during the beginning of your relationship has developed into a major major crush on you

and your so-called harmless crush has snowballed into you liking seokmin so much you can’t get him out of your head

and bc you’re way more confident on paper than in person, you decide to ask him out through your receipt notes!

that same day, you deliver your receipt to seokmin just as one of the members from SVT rushes past you and grabs his arm

seokmin is surprised to see chan at the diner, but all he mutters is "emergency meeting!" and he packs up his papers, stuffing your receipt in his notebook quickly

"sorry (y/n)!" he waves to you and leaves abruptly with his friend, making you slightly worried, but seungkwan assures you it's probably nothing serious

and honestly, it is nothing bc mingyu and wonwoo got into a fight with some guys of the west side gangs, but they're all well-rounded fighters so no major injuries occurred

but now there's a bike race going on between them and the other gang

"seokmin, are you listening?" seungcheol asks him, waving his hand in front of his zoned out state

"yes! I'm listening!" seokmin tunes back in and seungcheol continues on, "does anyone have a piece of paper I can borrow?"

seokmin pulls out his notebook and doesn't even notice your most recent note fall out, tearing out a clean sheet for seungcheol and stuffing his notebook back in his backpack

for awhile, seokmin doesn't return to the diner bc of the preparations for the race, making you even more worried that your note scared him off or made things awkward between you two

but when he does come back, everything is in perfect harmony like it was before, making you think he did read your note, but he obviously turned you down

so you try to move past it as best as you can, but you're still sad on the inside, which seokmin can kinda tell just by looking into your eyes

seokmin is super surprised to see his mentor sitting in his usual booth when he enters the diner, "jeonghan! what are you doing here?"

"just wanted to see where you get away to everyday before our meetings" jeonghan fusses with a toothpick, "why do you come here everyday?"

"I study here, that's it" seokmin answers, "I come here for the peace and quiet"

jeonghan raises an eyebrow at the words 'peace and quiet,' wordlessly pointing out the noisy jukebox next to him belting another song (his favorite song actually) and the sizzle and hissing of the grill behind the kitchen, while seungkwan and you take the orders of other customers in the diner with such vibrancy and pep

"okay, I come for the milkshakes"

"hi seokmin, your usual" seokmin beams a smile at you as his milkshake is set down on the table

"thank you (y/n)" his eyes trail after you as you go to other tables, jeonghan clearing his throat with a obvious cough, "so you come here for that cute waitress?"

"(y/n) is just a friend"

"do you like her?"

seokmin ponders it for a moment before a smile spreads on his face, he can’t lie to his mentor, his older brother figure, "yes, yes I do like her"

"do you think she likes you?" seokmin shakes his head, mumbling a "no" before changing it to an unconfident "maybe?"

"seokmin, she definitely likes you" jeonghan plucks the cherry off the whipped cream and into his mouth 

seokmin frowns and pulls his shake closer to him protectively

"no other waitress writes little notes on the back of receipts for you. I saw all the receipts in your notebook, they're cute and affectionate love notes" jeonghan flicks the small piece of paper towards him, "you probably didn’t even read the back of this receipt" 

seokmin reads the note from you asking him out and his mouth forms the shape of an 'O' 

'seokmin, would you like to go out on a date? possibly, tomorrow night? if not, that's okay! you can ignore this and I'll forget I even wrote this! -(y/n)'

"don’t come to the meeting tonight" jeonghan removes the cherry stem (a perfectly knotted stem) from his mouth, "I'll tell seungcheol you're studying for an exam"

he claps seokmin on the shoulder and exits the diner as you go over to seokmin and ask if he's alright bc this boy is still in disbelief

"yES! uh, yes! I'm alright!" seokmin clears his throat, "(y/n)! will you go out with me tonight?"

"huh? yes, of course, is something happening?" 

the bells go off in seokmin’s head as he grins madly, "perfect! meet me outside the diner at 7! what you’re wearing is fine!" he rushes out the door and now you’re the one in shock and disbelief

by the time 7pm rolls around, the sun is setting and you’re kinda getting cold just standing outside for seokmin to arrive

and without avail, the man of your dreams the hour rolls into the parking lot on his bike, taking off his helmet (safety first!) and offering you a helping hand on his bike

you climb aboard and hold on to seokmin tightly as he brings you to the more abandoned part of town, where there’s plenty of tagged buildings and such

seokmin pulls up to one particular building and covers your eyes as you get off the bike, "I obviously sing better than I draw, but ta da!"

and on the side of the building is a picture of what looks to be the outside of the diner? complete with a little ‘open’ sign and everything??

he guides you along to another wall where he painted a fake jukebox and his fake corner booth complete with a milkshake on the table but with two straws in the shake

and there below the faux jukebox is a picnic set for two ppl with candles set up on the concrete and a small stereo with your favorite songs playing

"I wanted to stay inside the diner, but you must get tired of being there everyday so, I re-created it here! it’s not exactly the same—I mean this might be illegal? and the paint is still kinda fresh—but it’s drying and I tried fixing us up something but it’s not exactly perfect—"

you laugh as seokmin rambles on, "seokmin, this is wonderful!" your heart is racing bc my goshhh it’s like a scene from a film! "no one’s ever gone through the trouble of doing all of this for me, thank you"

seokmin grins and you two eat the picnic dinner with all the romantic songs playing in the background, eventually laying down on the blanket together and staring up at the stars

you start singing along to the music and seokmin nearly falls asleep bc your voice is so soothing

a small snore escapes his lips and you nudge him bc you think you’re boring him with your singing

"just the opposite, told you you had the voice of an angel, angel" he winks just as you roll your eyes

he shrugs off his jacket and put it on your shoulders as you shiver, making you drown in his warmth and smell of his cologne

when seokmin takes you back home, he wraps his hand in yours and lingers on your doorstep for the longest time

he pouts as you try to pull away from him even when you don’t want to, "do you really have to go back to heaven?"

"still with the angel stuff?"

"baby, you are my angel"

ending notes: lee seokmin always goes to the diner for the milkshakes, but stays for you and your angelic voice (even if you don’t think so)

<3

[rynhaswritersblock]

giant teddy bears (hc) | p.p.

summary: first dates are awkward, peter sucks at dance dance revolution, and the night ends with a giant teddy bear and something sweet.

warnings: IM SORRY I THINK THIS ONE IS A BIT LESS CHAOTIC THAN THE OTHERS IM SORRY I KNOW THAT'S LIKE MY BRAND LOL BUT I JUST AAAAAAAAAAA

+ + +

- are you ready?

- i'm listening...

- no that was weak come on guys!

- i said ARE YOU READY?!

...

- i think we can do better than that

- i said ARE YOU READY?!!!!!

- YEAHYEAH!!!!!!

- i'm so sorry i just watched a gif of sebastian stan doing that thing where he gets super hype and then just starts laughing but i really harvested that hype energy

- pro tip: go back and read that first bit in seb's voice you Will Not Regret It

- after writing one normal imagine, i am back to writing another hc

- the next one will be normal though LOL

- guess what

- chicken butt

- jk IT'S TIME FOR THE ARCADE WITH Y/N AND PETER!!!!!

- HELLS YEAH

- y'all r never gonna guess what i'm doing

- i am listening to one direction WOW

- heart attack is an underrated song 😔

- you guys said the emojis in italics made you lose ur mind so

- they're staying

- fuck it slant 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

- fun fact i got pretty far into writing this and then was like "Hmm... no yeah This Ain't It" and so we're back and we're switching up the prompt a little bit

- so YAY

- so peter's balls finally dropped or something idk and he got his bitch ass together and asked you out!!!!!!!

-  yay peter!!

- he was super nervy while doing it y'all were just walking home from school as per usual and this is how it went down

- y'all were passing the local arcade

"y/n- did you, uh, did you wanna go to the arcade tonight?"

"ooh yes, that sounds like so much fun"

"awesome... it's a date"

- and even though peter muttered that last part

- YOU HEARD IT

- who has super hearing NOW bitch

"a date?"

- you look over at peter and quirk a brow

- but on the inside ur like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- YEAHYEAHNASDBFKSDNGLSFNKDC

- penis man gets flustered as FUCK

"oH-! well uhhhhhhh only if you, uhhh only if you want it to be"

"looks like i'll be dressing slightly better than normal"

- at this point y'all are at ur apartment building so you quickly peck him on his cheek (we're confident today ladies and gays!) and run up the steps, waving as you shut the door

- peter's in Fucking Shock.

- eyes wide, cheeks Red As Hell, standing there like Nobody Move! 0_0

- it takes some weirdo person idk to bump into him as he walks by to get him out of his trance

- (he jumps and turns to look at them, throwing his arms in the air like ?? before just sighing)

- (then he remembers Holy Shit I HAVE A DATE WITH Y/N AAAAAAAAAAAA and sort of like Skips away like how he does in far from home after the kiss you get the deal)

- u make sure to put on ur Cutest Fit

some inspo <3

- IM KIDDING

- jk the Ball Pit Dress Blanket Thing is a look and a half 😼

- in case u were wondering (no one is) this is what i would wear:

- when reading fics i Always have to have what im wearing in mind otherwise i am very bothered idk why

- anyways thank u pinterest for the style inspo

- shameless self promo my pinterest is in my bio and we can send each other memes on there <3

- ofc u can choose ur own outfit 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌

- Not Me putting on jeans and feeling Fancy 😂🤏👋

- N E Ways! u put on ur dope fit and get all nice smelling n shit

- hair all pwetty

- cue (queue? i hate this word) that scene in homecoming of peter getting ready for the dance

- except he doesn't wear a suit (DEFINITELY WONDERS IF HE SHOULD THOUGH) and instead opts for this fit:

- Mhmm..... yea.... Yup.

- look at the SHOES

- anyways i think peter would wear that One Fit from the beginning of hoco with the blue sweater over the button up or maybe something a bit nicer idk

- the look i put is superior 😔

- he's finally ready and smells gr8 and hair is done just how he knows u like it

- may is fucking spitballing tips like a madwoman

"give her all your attention, peter"

"let her win most of the games, but don't make it look like you're letting her win"

"oh and god peter BUY HER A GIANT TEDDY BEAR"

- peter's like Yup Yup Got It May on the outside but on the inside he's fucking taking notes like the nerd he is

- bae

- just as you finish ur final touches ur phone buzzes

whale penis On my way :)

- fyi a whale's penis is called a dork 😌 the more u know 😀😀😀😀

- you quickly text him back and before you know it this Puta is in front of ur door and his heart is going ZOOOOOOOOOM

- but since the two of you are so close and in sync he can usually hone in on your heartbeat even from a far ish distance so he focuses and finds your heartbeat easily

- ur heart is racing too and it makes him feel better

- he finally gets the balls to knock on ur door and Does Just That

- you open it SO FAST (you were secretly standing just outside the door waiting for peter but he doesn't have to know that)

"hi, peter"

- the look on peter's face

- he in Awe

- u look so pretty!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

- this is a lovepage for that little 'a' at the end of that scream. idk why it makes me smile. it's like the underdog

- i need to fucking Restart my Brain jesus christ

- i get attached to little things so easily MOVING ON

- Beter finally regains himself

- shit excuse me

- 🅱eter finally regains himself

- there we go

"you look.... wow"

- ur face gets SO HOT

"thought i'd go for something other than leggings and oversized t-shirts"

- aka my whole wardrobe

- Very Basic White Girl of me

- (assuming the Fit ur wearing is the picture i put) (if not you can just ignore this little bit) ur like cleavage or whatever is out and it is Definitely Not What Peter's Used To Seeing!

- the Collarbones

- Sexy

- u catch peter's eyes linger on ur chest for a second and u 0_0 for a second

- but then it's like YAY FOR ATTRACTIVE FEATURES

- THANKS PUBERTY????????????

"you look wow as well"

"oH well i dress like this pretty normally i think it's really not that big of a change i probably should've dressed better-"

"you always look good, peter"

- Faking Confidence! hoping peter can't hear ur heart banging against ur sternum!

- but he can... Little Shit

- VERY RED FACES FOR THE TWO OF YOU

- VERY FLUSTERED

- peter is such a gentleman

- waits for you to lock ur door before holding out a hand nervously

- you take it ofc and he intertwines ur fingers and sort of Rubs His Thumb AGainst Ur Skin???? when i put it like that it sounds weird

- i appreciate writing headcanons because i don't have to think things out so that they sound pretty i can just Braindump and y'all r like Yea!! 😀❤

- a very nice feeling <3

- the two of you walk down the sidewalk together

- eventually the awkwardness of Woah We're On A Date!? is gone

- peter starts swinging your hands and you can't stop smiling

- a few people look at the two teenagers just giddily and dramatically swinging their arms together and laughing as they walk down the street

- but those people find it very cute

- y'all talk about the weirdest shit too

- peter rambles about his theory of there being a multiverse

"i mean, what if there really is a multiverse? like, i refuse to believe that we're the only living beings in this whole universe, much less believe that this is the only universe. and, when you think about it, it's like a whole new set of doors of knowledge are suddenly there for us to explore, i mean it just completely changes how we understand the initial singularity. we're talking about an internal inflation system and then how would that even work with all the quantum-? it's insane-!"

- he looks over at you and you're just smiling

"sorry"

"don't apologize for being a genius, peter"

- the ffh reference 😼

- his insides are like lkdsfhskjdfbg at that

- you also have ur nerd moment (i'm making this about reading because.... I Think We Can All Agree)

"what i don't get is all the imbeciles at school who think reading is stupid. they're all like, 'i haven't read a book in like two years! ha ha!' and i'm like 'oh! no wonder you're so stupid!' because not only do they think it's quirky for whatever reason to not read, but reading genuinely makes you smarter and they're all missing out on it! moreover, the feeling of getting sucked into a book and going on the story with the characters and feeling everything they're feeling and when you finish the book it's like holy shit i can't even process this and- oh i'm rambling"

- peter's just looking at you in awe

"this is why i like you"

- NOBODY MOVE

- you Cannot Breathe for a second and the two of you stop walking (still holding hands doe)

"you..?"

"i did ask you on a date, didn't i?"

- you scoff

"you muttered that it was a date and the only reason that fact was established was because i heard it and acted on it"

- peter sighs exasperatedly, still grinning like the Fool He Is as he lets go of your hand to swing his arms dramatically

"well, sorry i'm not super smooth and suave all the time!"

"yeah, cause you're never smooth and suave"

- now he :o

"hey-!"

"that's why i like you, too, parker"

- SMILE GETS EVEN BIGGER

- BIG CHEESY MOMENT

- the two of you clasp hands again and you hug his arm as you continue walking

- i wanna hug a boy's arm

- you get to the arcade and he opens the door for you

"m'lady"

- he's such a dork i hate (love) him

- now here u guys....

- guess who's like genuinely never been to an arcade...

..........

- 🙋‍♀️

- it me!

- yes yes we know i have no life

- SO BASICALLY

- i'm just gonna like fucking Spit-Ball the adventures of y/n and peter at the arcade

- if ur confused rn i am too

- OKAY

- SO U WALK IN

- imma walk up to him and imma push him and imma say I HAVE AIDS no wait thats so strong hold back, savor it, BUILD to that

- i know i didn't get all the words right whatever

- at first it's like Sensory Overload! but then 🅱eter drags you over to the front desk and y'all get ur tickets

- and then it's STRAIGHT TO THE PACMAN BOOTH

- he looks so FUCKIGN CUTE cause his tongue is like sticking out as he focuses

- y'all try the claw machine SO MANY TIMES

- not you managing to actually make it work and getting a spider-man toy

- nOT YOU GIVING IT TO PETER AND HIS CHEEKS ARE JUST 🔴

- the slant on that emoji i'm fucking losing my mind

- you absolutely crush him at the basketball game thing

- and y'all play that thing that has the weird seats or whatever and you're racing

- he lets you win

- y'all KILL IT at dance dance revolution

- peter trips over his feet and you laugh So Loud the people around you are like o_0

- uhhhhh what the fuck else is at an arcade

- i just KNOW i'm gonna forget something and y'all will be like BUT WHAT ABOUT THE _____

- my apologies in advance

- at the end of the night y'all get pizza from the little restaurant they have (idk if that's an actual thing arcades do but fuck it now they do)

- and peter wins you a giant bear and you smile SO BIG!

- peter can't stop smiling at u and u both r so so happy

- guys i need to get a graphic design is my passion in here.....

- getting a bit worried cause idk where to put one 0_0

- not sure where to go with this now... may just read some fics to get inspiration and completely forget to come back to this <3

- i promise i won't i wanna get this up tonight AAAAAAAAAAAA

- okay i will be back after i get inspo

- update it's been an hour and i got distracted have yet to find inspo i'll be back

- update part 2 i went downstairs to get a snack to Fuel My Brain and ant-man and the wasp was on so... watched that

- FUCK INSPO I CAN DO THIS MYSELF

- but i have the brain of a strapless croc.... whatever

-OKAY

- SO YOU GOT YOUR BEAR RIGHT

- YAY

- then you can peter are like "we should probably go" cause it's getting late and it's new york and yes peter's spider-man but y'all are on a date! and we don't want to get attacked!

- huzzah!

- so you leave

- holding hands

- (screaming inside)

- ur other hand is just holding the large ass bear to your chest and peter cannot stop SMILING

- the chaos level has gone down i'm sorry i'm tired

- here's some normalcy!

- you start walking home and see delmar's and peter's like "MR DELMAR WILL GIVE US FREE SOFT SERVES :D" so. you go to delmar's

- you walk in still holding hands and the Second mr delmar sees you he (¬‿¬)

"what brings you two kiddos in so late?"

- peter's BLUSHING

"we, uh, we went on a date SO YOU HAVE SOFT SERVES RIGHT?"

- he's so fucking flustered and it's adorable

-  mr delmar just laughs

"on the house just for the lovers"

- now who's blushing

- your name

:o

- "your name" i was feeling spicy huh

- I HAVE TO PACK FOR MY TRIP TOMORROW

- HAHA OOPS

- mr delmar hands you the ice creams and y'all thank you

- he winks you sly bastard

- the two of you walk out and sit on the bench outside to eat your ice cream

- hands are feeling lonely cause you needed to hold your ice cream 😔

- at first y'all are just silent and then you look over at him just happily licking his ice cream

- he's got chocolate ice cream next to his mouth and you laugh

- he turns to you

"what?"

"messy eater"

- you mumble as you raise a hand and wipe it off with your thumb

- you wipe your thumb on your napkin and look back up at peter and suddenly the air has changed cause he's just staring at you or your lips really and oh wow now the air has left your lungs and your heart is racing

"can i kiss you?"

...

- peter tastes like chocolate.

HERE'S A MEME TO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

- what if we kissed on the jouch? 😳

- hi lizthearies shoutout to our pinterest convos

- alright story = over

+ + +

THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE AND FOR WHAT

ily all, treat yourself and others with kindness (dream with harry had me crying within the first five minutes i love him so much), and WEAR A MASK (unless you're in a safe place aka not the US lol)

AND DONT FORGET TO CONTINUE SIGNING PETITIONS AND SPEAKING OUT!! BLM IS NOT A TREND!

<3