#i cant be real with anyone at all
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#i wish that i grew up with close friends#i want the classic small town friend group that you see in tv and book and shit#people that i can be real with#im so fucking lonely right now and it sucks#i feel like the only thing i do is yearn#i dont want to be defined by my want#but its one of the only real things i feel on a daily basis#its something that pierces through this endless fucking fog that i live in#i just want a true friend#how pathetic huh#and i have to keep this shit bottled up#i cant be real with anyone at all#it grates on me so fucking much#and i missed out on e v e r y t h i n g it feels like#i think i just want to be a child again. but like a girl this time#i hate being alone#i want to be held#i want hands running through my hair and i want to snuggle up to someone#and isnt it fucked up that this is all me?#theres no fucking outside factors i dont think#i was just born fucked up. a mistake#uselss good for nothing waste#i wish i wasnt such a fucking coward so i could vent in other ways. sorry any moots who sees this#yeah whatever. goodnight tumblr
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podcast people in my phone
#sherlock and co#s&co#sherlock holmes#john watson#mariana ametxazurra#been messin around with this piece for like over a week now. I think this is just mostly to have a general pointer of their design in my#''proper'' style. literally named this file cover.png in my folders lmao#I feel like it isnt as candycore as the chibi version. but its still at a level of colors Im happy with. thats good for me#love giving john watson the default medium-size v-neck when canonically he wears like exclusively merch tees#(maybe its under the v-neck lets all believe that)#anyways. things are moving! lotsa stuff I cant show anyone but my coconspirators... but Im sitting on. Some stuff#gettin there with work... settin up stuff... being insane in march.... da whole package#gonna be having. a real interesting week soon. we'll see what comes of it!#but for now. I sleep. have a good night lads! look both ways before crossing the street
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my sister told me that if you put something in the internet, that thing no longer belongs to you, it belongs to the internet
#i was so shocked ngl#i was drawing Hunter just now and asking myself if anyone's ever thought of him THAT WAY#HE WOULD NEVER#THE THOUGJT OF IT MAKES ME CFINGE#my boy gets all flustered and happy in front of his robot wife he is the real 'my wife is sosoft and i like her'#for B2. sometimes i wonder if ppl might either perceive her as naive#and if they saw her during the prologue they'd just say she's mean and uncaring#then i tell myself 'CANT A BOT BE MEAN AROUND HERE LEAVE HER ALONE !!!!!'X#starbstalks
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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You ever think about how All Might has two male exes that both have a child with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big heart?
#we also have like. absolutely no mention of melissa's mother as far as I know#all we know is that she's quirkless and that she calls Toshi Uncle Might#not only that but these two have such like.#insane attachments to All Might as the symbol of peace#both of them also representing how we was perceived and loved by others#and how these two loved him so much they were willing to go thru so much shit for him#aaaaa the doomed old man yaoi is so real#has anyone else noticed this. please tell me im not the only one.#it just CANT be a coincidence that they BOTH have Blonde hair. Blue eyes. AND are such good hearted and heroic kids.#you can see the evolution of All Might and Toshinori through the specific men he gets close to ngl.#ok. thats it for gay all might posting. the 2nd one for today omg.#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#melissa shield#togata mirio#david shield#sir nighteye#all might#yagi toshinori
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theyre in my head. forever. take some scraps
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc gangle#tadc jax#tadc zooble#tadc pomni#before anyone speaks up i am a lesbian pls dont point out the dyke part#i simply think he could be lesbian material. is he? no#i personally see him as very questioning and weird. too stunted with too many walls for romance#begrudgingly accepts friendships and maybe gets One close enough that gives him a weird. moment. realization#kicks his ass into gear that oops cant be driving them all away now or ill wanna kms#i wish i was capable of multishipping bc ribbun has some funny potential but man.#as is its too Not For Me. but gangle beating on jax for revenge is sooooo funny#also the fact ragatha and jax are the same person in different flavors? delightful.#both hiding themselves to such an extent that the one everyone knows isnt Real.#rags hiding herself through helping others while jax does it through pushing them away viciously and acting out#despicable. they care for each other in their own weird way.#she hates him but doesnt want him to die. she hates him but if something happened then she would be worried.#thanks for reading my rambling
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see like the thing with 'carewhumpers' as a concept to me is it just like... i know this is prrrrobably not really how it's meant but something skeeves me out about the idea that kindness or caretaking mixed in with hurting someone can somehow meaningfully complicate or dilute the harm done to the point of making that character no longer a 'whumper' whereas someone doing the same 'bad' things but not ever being gentle or caring for them would just be a straight-out whumper. when like... that's how 90% of irl abuse dynamics work? so i just... don't really get the point, i guess. like to me it implies something about the 'care' provided somehow mitigating or combating the harm done that. i just do not personally appreciate or enjoy.
#gav gab#just thinking out loud#like i don't think that's 'nuance' or 'grey characters' i think that's just an extremely common and typical dynamic of abuse#someone breaking your nose and then cleaning up the blood and tucking you into bed is not less like#violent or abusive or harmful than someone who just stops at breaking your nose yk#and i think that it can successfully be summarized by any number of other ways?#carewhumper is just not useful or meaningful shorthand to me the way caretaker/whumper/whumpee are#it implies that the word 'caretaker' or 'whumper' encompasses 100% of a person's constant behaviour#in a very flattened and simplistic way#please do not come at me about this im not saying this is how everyone means it this is just#how i personally feel about it#due to the way i approach these words#and im not trying to say anyone CANT write about very typical abusive dynamics#im just saying the elements of like. 'good' behaviour or 'kind' treatment#doesn't make the Bad Part any less real or bad#the way that 'carewhumper' being set as a different or distinct thing than 'whumper' implies to me#i just feel insane whenever i see people using the term tbh like this is probably a me thing#a very stupid distinction to get hung up on#but i just. im always like isn't that just a whumper who's nice sometimes#what is the utility of this word if not to imply that#someone being nice sometimes meaningfully combats how cruel they are other times#what part of 'whumper' means they always have to be violent and awful 24/7#and do not take this to mean caretakers are never allowed to fuck up#or do anything wrong or get frustrated#or anything like that but that is like#very distinct from being a whumper of any kind at all#like the idea that a 'whumper' can only be 100% a sadist who means to cause harm and intends to cause harm every time is like#cmon now
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BEACH OUTFIT 💥💥💥💥
He used to surf the web back in 98'.
#the clothes were so difficult for no reason i kept having to edit them#i actually really like this one lol#cunty uncle type thing going on#Also i love the HC that he as a plush tummy thats so cute and im stealing it#i was about to give him flipflops until i realized he cant do that#He had a dolphin print shirt but it looked ugly with the shorts and i really wanted the striped shorts lol#deltarune spamton#spamton#spamton g spamton#spamton fanart#deltarune#deltarune chapter 2#i think it looks fine but still i hope it comes across he's resting his right arm on an invisible prop for the pose lol#there was a small little fella in the back of my mind who wanted to put him in a two piece but i couldnt sorry lmfao#edit: I forgot to write this out but I wanted to put it on any post bc i dont want to post a txt post just for this#but honestly he's gotta be some flavor of queer.#It doesnt matter to me which type all that much but I HC that even though he probably is#he has never been in a relationship and i dont think he ever will#he is so full of himself and he's kind of an ass tbh. That and i doubt he trusts anyone with what he's gone through#even if he got time to heal i dont think he'd ever trust someone enough to make a real relationship that way#Thats it thanks for coming to my ted talk#if you opened the tags here's your secret paragraph & im not sorry#BuwheArt
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how to regulate my emotions like a healthy woman would. step 1 burn the house down
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odydio and boar parallels
good morning evening and night folks i have been pondering THIS for 12 hours straight and after writing what. appears to be a beautiful essay in my words doc i’ve just decided to throw all my thoughts at the wall instead. love that essay but it is becoming so very well-written academic work and i am so deeply unserious online.
anyways. on the subject of odysseus and diomedes and their shared boar vibes. the thing i kept coming back to was how boars were fucking TERRIFYING in ancient greece. to the point where the calydonian boar hunt (essentially just 30 dudes rocking up to kill a divine pig*) is a whole Event its a whole Heroic Tale. because you think 30 dudes can get that boar without a scratch WRONG two guys die and peleus stabs some other dude in the confusion. boars are ruthless and frankly overpowered as fuck little bastards in ancient greece and of the four i can think of with names at least TWO of them had divine origins somehow (calydonian and crommyonian).
and honestly? ruthless, terrifying as fuck, difficult for a horde of men to stop let alone some guy? got some nebulous relationship to the gods that give you strength? holy shit thats tydeus right there babey. he kills like 49 guys and sends the other one home as a warning. he literally gets married off of Boar Vibes dude. its his whole personality.
and so obviously diomedes, whose entire job for ten years is Bring Honor To Dead Father, is like well shit! time to adopt the whole boar vibe! i mean he’s literally compared to a boar in book V with unending strength truly he is the boar guy junior. he fights hordes of thebans/calydonians/trojans without resting, he cuts down hundreds of men without mercy, he gets athenas favor and despite how well he plays the part he is so tired. he’s ruthless, but does he want to be? he’s skilled in battle, but has he known anything else? he’s favored by the gods, but did he ever have a choice in that?
meanwhile odysseus. odysseus who is scarred by the boar he hunted as a child on his thigh. escaped what is otherwise certain death. marked so deeply by an animal so connected to divine rage that it transcends even athena’s disguise. it is this scar, that proved him equal in combat to that boar, that identifies him to his friends and family. that helps him retake his house and throne. just. the scar itself cements odysseus’ mortality but it also transcends any attempt at concealing who he is.
anyways putting all these thoughts together. i think that for diomedes the boar symbolism is something that doesn’t quite fit. its something that stretches and aches, like an old shirt thats too tight, because its not indicative of him its indicative of tydeus. but tydeus died at thebes, and diomedes has to live up to his legacy, so he tries regardless and it never quite feels right. meanwhile odysseus fights tooth and nail to survive, even when he’s surrounded like a boar by hunters and their dogs. sacks cities and kills hundreds of men and for all the help he gets from the immortal gods, odysseus remains wholly mortal. maybe the real disguise is how diomedes is the one scarred and odysseus is the boar, but neither of them look it.
#maybe the real boar was the friends we made along the way#i feel like ive been staring at a corkboard with red strings all leading to a big boar photo for 12 hours. this is corkboard ramblings#completely unrelated does anyone have a source for diomedes having his father's boar-themed armor and sword??#like yeah tydeus had that but i cant find if diomedes did too. not a single ancient source whatsoever. just wikipedia!!#i went on a quest trying to see where the fuck that comes from but. no dice. its been on wikipedia since 2007. and with no citation. aaaaaa#odysseus#diomedes#tydeus
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(tturing)
#me versys this gif . AGAIN#gif makers u are all so much stronger than i will ever be#this is so hard to make . oh my god#i literally said i wouldnt ever do this again and Yet . here i am .#. anythign 4 byler i guess#abyway#byler#will byers#mike wheeler#stranger things#mw#magic#gif#also . did anyone know tumblr doesnt loop gifs if theyre too large . BECAUSE I DIDNT#so fucked up#anyway if u saw me post and then delete this#that is why . tumblr my wordt enemy for Real#oh mygod i just want to further the gay i know what u are mike wheeler agenda#cant a girl post a gif without complications#anyway#byebyeee
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how im imagining ᵐʸ drifter's relationships with the hex. obvy subject to change once the expansion drops and we get to know them better
arthur: you know the sibling thing where you go open your sibling's door and talk to them about stupid shit and then flip them off or something and walk away without closing the door. she does that when he's in the security office. beyond that i don't think they have much of a personal relationship. years of fighting solo in duviri means she struggles with having a commander so she probably gives him heartburn when she fucks off to do her own thing in the field
aoi: they should be at the club. specifically drifter should be at the club learning how to stop fumbling women. aoi gets them shots because drifter says she doesnt get drunk. sadly drifter has only been drinking weird duviri beer as imagined by a teenager for most of her life so the first time she gets drunk off tequila and fireball and shit she freaks out and thinks shes actually dying and turns invisible in the bathroom. aoi drags her back out to dance and then they have a homoerotic midnight atomicycle ride back to base
lettie: seething because learning vazarin healing backfired and now her stupid void body won't let her manufacture "accidental" injuries. she can't even get a paper cut and ask lettie to kiss it better because she heals too fast. drifter is down horrendous for lettie but between immunity to mild injuries and a fear of rodents its just a disaster. meanwhile lettie likes drifter more than any of the rest of the team because at least drifter's dumbass attempts to play hero on missions don't require intensive care afterwards like arthur's "Tank Incident"
amir: listens and nods while amir explains the gameplay of caliber chicks 2 at 225 wpm for six minutes. tries playing with him but doesn't get the appeal so she just sits around while he plays and offers unhelpful and irrelevant advice whenever he dies. like "you should try parrying" when he loses tetris or "do a bullet jump" in a racing game. she also steals his energy drinks, which is probably good for amir but definitely bad for everyone else who has to deal with hopped-up drifter
quincy: drifter works best with him in the field out of all the hex members. he says it's because she's really good at being annoying and distracting and getting in the enemy's face with a shotgun so he can line up his shots. she says this is true, and thank you very much quincy thats sweet of you. drifter loves to be annoying and quincy is the only one smart enough to weaponize that. drifter is also permanently banned from shooting contests with quincy after she blew a hole in the wall with a plasma shotgun instead of using a normal gun for target practice
eleanor: oscillates between wanting to help eleanor and getting annoyed with her cryptic bullshit. also oscillates between thinking the mind control/telepathy thing is completely terrifying and thinking its awesome (and kind of hot). absolutely cannot stop asking eleanor weird questions and will keep it up until she gets the psychic equivalent of a sucker punch and her nose starts bleeding (which heals before she can get to lettie). sometimes she tells eleanor stories about the lotus.
#yes her name is just drifter she forgot her name in duviri and operator is enough of an unbearable teenager that she doesnt want it back#the operator and drifter relationship i have is sort of like what if gidoen and hrrow were siblings instead of weird lesbian catholics#anyway im very excited for the update i cant wait to see all these freaks for real#warframe#warframe 1999#do i tag all the hex members. no im lazy and i dont rmemeber anyones last names#but look at my post boy
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That's so fucked up that people are romantizing Franco, because even Red Barrels are showing him as a total creep and disgusting person. In Outlast Tag I have a feeling that some artists are making him completly different character, making him charming/safe/lovely. I even have seen some people who were drawing him with normal face (without big forehead) and you couldn't tell them that it's the right character design! I feel like Franco enjoyers are more agressive than fans of other Outlast character. Even with Coyle/Eddie simps they seem to understand that they are evil and they murder others, but with Franco I feel like they can take it when someone tell them that he's grown up, murder people in very brutal way and his voice lines are just disgusting... it really seems that people are getting agressive only because someone tell some shit about 🎀✨️Franco🎀✨️. I know his fans isn't the only one that have stick in their ass (cause I seen a lot of shit bout Coyle/Big Grunts/Easterman etc.) but yall need to understand that FRANCO IS A GROWN ASS MAN and you would run for your life if you'd meet someone in irl as 1% fucked up as he is. Saying that he's just a Baby and he made nothing wrong is just 🤮 and problem is in yall if you justificate him and things he made.
idk how to tell you this ,,,, but this game is fictional. The characters are fictional. You're free to feel however you want about them, just like I and anyone else is.
I partially agree with the part about changing his appearance to make him look more "normal" or whatever, but at the same time people are allowed to interpret their favs however they want to. They can draw / write for him however they want to. I don't like "fixing" his face, just because it (personally) feels like saying "he's too ugly", but again, that's just me. As an artist, I know that people are going to have different interpretations of a character I like. It's just part of other people existing in the world. Not everyone thinks like you do, and that's okay.
Do you know how many posts I saw (and STILL see) about Eddie Gluskin, doing essentially the same thing as what you said people do with Franco?? That man would cut you open to "make a baby in you" no hesitation and people still ""romanticize"" him (me fuckin included I LOVE YOU EDDIE). Its just part of liking fucked up characters, some people are going to want to make them more "normal".
Personally, I see the normalization as more like wanting to give him some normalcy in his life, because of his past / lore. I love the idea of letting Franco have a normal life, be a normal person. A life where he never had to deal with the stupid Mafia stuff, had a decent father and never ran into Murkoff, having a normal, happy life. But, I also seriously adore his original, fucked up character.
Honestly, who actually cares if people are "justifying" his actions??? None of them are real. He is not real. I have never understood the sentiment that you have to make sure people know you don't justify a fictional characters actions... they are not real. It's not a real person. None of the things he did happened.
Maybe it's just me, but I would not run from someone like him. That's not some edge lord "im so evil and dark" bs but because of my real life experiences. Been with and around people in my life / family who are quite like him and I didn't run.
I imagine some of us are using it as a sort of coping mechanism, because (at least for me) some of us dealt with people who treated us like he would. Though, that's getting into personal territory, and I won't try and speak for others.
All I can really say is either learn that not everybody's going to have the same ideas as you or block the tag. Sorry if that's too harsh a response, but life is too short to really give that much of a fuck about someone /something other people like.
And I've said this before but this is literally Outlast, all of the characters are this fucked up, it's not just him.
Like does no one remember Outlast 2??? Does no one remember the pile of dead burnt babies, or the hundreds of other fucked up things in that game?? I really feel like Franco does not compare.
So, can we please just be over with this now? I mean, drama is totally fun and I love it, but I can imagine others don't.
#hes my baby forever sorry full offense#why do people care this much about fictional characters and fiction in general#I mean that's great being so passionate about work you love but#I don't know . put that energy towards something a little more important#it's just reminds me of being in the killing stalking fandom all over again#you're terrible if you like killing stalking does that means that you like killing gay people or whatever the fuck they said#it's embarrassing to really think this about fiction#like it really is embarrassing to be so worked up over it#it's not like Jeffrey Dahmer or a real person causing real issues#Franco Barbi does not exist !!! as sad as i am#the outlast trials#I'm going to tag it with every Outlast tag like that guy did. again#franco barbi#eddie gluskin#richard trager#dr easterman#waylon park#miles upshur#blake langermann#lynn langermann#father martin#outlast#outlast whistleblower#chris walker#walrider#i cant remember anymore lmfao#not sure why I got this ask or why my opinions important but there ya go#this was long as hell lmfao . sorry to anyone who actually reads all of this hahahahaa
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thinking about adam actively seeking comfort from lawrence even after lawrence shot him. holding on to lawrence. begging him to stay. upsets me greatly ..
#sorry boss i cant make it tonight i gotta get real sad about a couple of very specific things nd then stare at a wall. yeah its an#all night thing#saw 2004#chainshipping#lawrence gordon#adam stanheight#adam faulkner stanheight#adam had nothing. then he had something for a few hours. nd then that was ripped away from him too#lawrence had someone who saw him. who he couldnt hide from. & then he didn’t. didn’t have adam or anyone.#sick to my stomach !#📹
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The idea that Tommy, a closeted gay man who was desperately trying to fit in in a hyper macho and discriminatory environment, isn't allowed to have any growth from when he was over compensating and was a dick to Chim really pisses me off. He literally had canonical growth to the point he was going for drinks with Chim and Hen in Bobby Begins Again and they got him a fancy leaving cake.
Why isn't he allowed to grow and be better? Because he's white? Because he "gets in the way of buddie"? Because no one is allowed to say and change at all over a decade?
Like this is a queer fandom and I'd bet a lot of money that a ton of people in this fandom said and did things they weren't proud of when they were younger, especially before they came out so they could try and hide it.
I know this is quite a young fandom too but like, it was literally only a decade ago when "gay" was an insult at school and doing anything that could be get you accused of being gay was fucking social suicide. You guys have no idea how lucky you are that people at least get called out for that shit now cause they didn't when I was a kid. I would have done almost anything to just be ignored, let alone accepted, rather than being openly bisexual.
So yeah, I think Tommy is allowed to fucking change as a person because Bobby, Chim and Hen came into his life and allowed him to stop repressing. Stop being such fucking assholes. You aren't any better than him, and frankly the way some of you behave makes the way Tommy acted when he was first in the show look like a fucking saint. Touch some grass.
#911 abc#people are so so so so happy to ignore canon if it allows them to shit on a character they dont like#remarkable how the same people who say tommy isnt allowed to change and be better#are the same ones who accuse anyone who says literally anything negative about hen or chim of being racist#while openly justifying any abuse of athena because shes a cop#at least have consistency if youre going to refuse to respect all the characters#it just makesnyou look stupid otherwise#tommy kinard#am i a buddie shipper? yes#but i grew up in the era of fucking teen wolf#i can love with my faves not getting together#but the most important thing is a story that feels real#i cant see a way that buddie wouldnt happen somehow for the realest story#however if the writers do a good job#then i will still enjoy the ride#i do not want buck or eddie cheating on their oartner with the other#thats just not fun and i would HATE that to be the way bucktommy ended
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i literally read the book of bill days ago but its only now kinda hitting me how fucked ford and bills whole thing was though cause ford literally talks about being so unable to sleep (to try to keep bill away), and when sleep inevitably caught up to him, he would wake up to his body abused and things messed with and he just couldnt seem to find an escape (and he literally didnt get to truly escape until 30 years later)
(also keeping people awake for unhealthily long periods of time is another tactic used to mess with and control people because of how it impairs brain function)
listing off the things we see in those few pages in the book of bill:
i mean, punching and scratching at a steel door for hours would be so damaging to your hands and probably hurt like hell for at least 2 days after. then bill says he was hitting fords head against a wall, though its said in a post-it as if its a joke, but he also isnt exactly above doing that, and honestly he says most things like its a joke.
i also dont need to say 'bill really doesnt know how to take no for an answer' because he makes that very clear in literally any interaction we see with him.
bill literally puts a venomous snake near ford while fords asleep, which could have killed him if he wasnt lucky+skilled enough to deal with it.
he nearly gives ford hypothermia, and in the same action actively threatens ford with the idea of making him jump off of a high spot, and like ford says, doesnt do it just so he can send a message to ford about how hes the one in control.
he gets ford in trouble with not only the law, but also with other people that are probably not very happy with him after. he mutilates fords body in several ways, and i dont think i need to go into detail on them because theyre... so ew. and he even exposes part of fords body to the world. like, its just taking his shirt off, but thats still showing off his body in a way that he didnt agree to or want
and then he attempts to (or purposefully fails to) call stan, using fords voice to threaten suicide and tell stan that ford never loved him.
and he punctuates it with a final power move, in a hallucination that he creates, hes messing with stans memories and making him feel like his body was basically about to implode
and like. okay, we all joke about toxic old man yaoi, and its a good joke and toxic old man yaoi is great and its an interesting ship, but holy fuck.
like. to say the absolute least, that had to be so, so deeply violating. its no wonder that when we see ford in the past, when he finally contacts stan, he looks like hes on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. he just went through, and still wasnt yet out of, some deeply abusive shit.
like... everything coming out lately both in this book and what ive heard is on the website, mixed with what we already knew from the show itself... the stans are both so, so fucking tragic dude. their whole lives were thrown away over things that really didnt even need to be the way they were, and then they both get into situations that are pretty damn screwed, and those situations follow them for the rest of their lives. its basically a miracle that things worked out in the end for them.
i dont really have a point, i just had to talk about all that. i read almost all of the book of bill in one sitting, and while i was really enjoying it, i was also getting kind of tired of sitting in one spot only doing this one thing for several hours straight. i still felt a lot of the emotional bits of it of course, but man this part specifically just really didnt hit me until now.
i mean, to say the absolute least, i know what its like to feel violated in a similar way, though not anywhere near to the extent of what he went through at all. someone get that man some therapy got damn
#my post#gravity falls#billford#// abuse ment#abuse tw#<- i dont really know the tags to use so if anyone sees this and feels that i didnt do enough. i can add more#long post#BY THE WAY THIS IS NOT A BILL HATE POST IF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE#like fuck that dude for being so fucked up but also hes still such a fascinating and honestly fun character.#hes not a real person so its not like im being like 'oh but hes so charming so idc that he did all that'#like i very much care that he did all that but hes also. still just a fictional character#and yet again i repeat the sentiment: holy fuck i cant believe disney approved this book#they really said. 'this is one of our most beloved non-movie franchises#the creator wants to write another book in the series but this time its for mature audiences#and hes going to write out how the beloved villain of the show and one of the most important and beloved characters are in a deeply abusive#relationship. this is now an approved part of the disney brand!'#again i dont disapprove. i think this is a great addition.#but im so shocked that this was approved by 'the owl house doesnt fit our brand' disney.#i still refuse to stop believing that disney was just being homophobic about the owl house btw idc what anyone says#also no i wont go into detail on how i relate. but the connections are there and its.. wow.
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