#heightism

[a-little-revolution]

Hello, I really wanted to express my personal gratitude to you for having this blog and sharing your voice. For context, I am an able-bodied and intellectually disabled person of color who is of short stature (not a little person). You are the *first* online activist I have encountered who takes seriously the cultural and accessibility issues that come with being short (LP or not), and having related proportions like small hands and short legs. These traits are also very often racialized in my experience as an Asian person, another angle that I have seen no one talk about despite its prominence in my life.

It pains me immensely how normalized it is even among "progressive" circles to mock and shame short stature, and to dismiss the people who vocalize being hurt. It reminds me of how my disability is treated, even amongst the most otherwise progressive people. The things you say about "physical comedy" strike a chord in me because it is deeply damaging to see my proportions only emphasized as comic relief, and even more damaging to see otherwise inclusive people laugh along. I often feel universally ostracized and belittled; I have been denied the dignity and respect of adulthood due to my race, my disability, and yes, my stature, and very, very few people take me seriously on this issue. Again, you are the first person I have seen online treating this with any measure of dignity. Even though I am not myself a little person, I thank you sincerely for helping me feel seen and for allowing me to discover a community with which I feel solidarity.

Hello!! I'm so glad you've found my blog helpful!! Yes, there are several access and social issues that go beyond simply people with dwarfism, to all people of short stature! We may not have the same history or face the same medical discrimination, but the culture surrounding being short and the world that is built for the average heighted (white man) can be just as debilitating and easily overlooked!

I'm happy to provide this solidarity, especially when it means that blogs like mine can be valuable to a variety of demographics. Little people are a small minority, and face one of the last socially acceptable forms of discrimination - all allies are welcome here.

Elliot (they/them)

[neuroticboyfriend]

thanks to ableism, heightism, and fatphobia, almost nothing is made to fit or work for my body ever. mobility aids. furniture. clothes. shoes. cars. etc. etc. if any of these do work out for me, they're usually expensive and i have a much more limited selection than abled, average height, straight sized people.

this isn't just inconvenience, either. things like furniture and shoes not being made for me causes me pain and takes a toll on my body, because i physically cant use them properly. making things fit me takes energy and money that i cant afford, but sometimes have to spend anyway. the safety measures in things like cars could injure or even kill me if i were to get in a bad accident.

being short, fat, and disabled in this society is so much harder than it has to be. it's unfair and downright dangerous that our bodies aren't being taken into account when designing almost everything around us. disabled people deserve better. fat people deserve better. people with short and tall stature deserve better.

we're just as much part of this world as everyone else, and we deserve to live in a world that acts like we exist.

[blackpilled-modernwaste]

I hate it when women try to bluepill you with height.

"As a woman dating a tall guy.. i think-"

Okay case closed, see you tomorrow.

[arainesque]

i love chris martin

[kindheart525]

I didn't know that this was a thing that could happen until recently but I beg of you, please do not call short people "smol beans." Idk if the internet has rotted people's brains or what but we are real people and not your blorbos from your fandoms. It's extremely infantilizing and dehumanizing. I am a grown woman with a degree and being under 5 feet tall (as a symptom of a disability I might add) does not take away from that.

[antifathomable-shapeshifter]

heightism is a real thing. a real systemic thing that intersects with other marginalized identities. is the the "worst" type of oppression one can face? no, but oppression olymics is dumb.

short jokes aren't funny.

and before you're like "oh haha op can't take a joke he's 5'2"", may i direct your attention to ableism against people with dwafism, the specific type of infantilizing misogyny <5' adult women face that compares them to children, and the general shittiness of making fun of a body type people can't control.

fuck all of you who make short jokes. especially if you consider yourself at all progressive. you should know better.

[daydreamodyssey]

With short men feeling lonely and less likely to be in dates, having less respect in personal space (being touched more) or competency, considering limb enlargement surgery, and a not small number of suicidal ideation and feeling like lesser people, we have to be more conscious about heightism for men

If we really want to curb toxic masculinity, we need to change the unscientific idea that tall / large means manly, and focus on personality and achievements

[lejacquelope]

Women aren't dating anymore, they're accessory-hunting. It's over for all of Gen-Y and Z. Sorry guys but the last good women were born in Gen-X. It's all downhill from here.

[not-this-crude-matter]

Forgive me Father, I intend to sin.

I abhor heightism, especially when it comes to folks ragging on short men and their dating prospects.

But if I ever get the ideal opportunity to cut an asshole down to size by referring to his nonsense as "5'9" behavior," I'm taking it. I wanna know how it feels.

[hyperlexichypatia]

What are you feeding your 5'7" children? Is it wheaties? I bet it's wheaties.

i just remembered that minor coded height tweet and folded in on myself and stopped existing

[howshemovesnj]

The “Short Men and Dating” Controversy

A man’s height is controversial in dating and there are MANY angry discussions about it online, so since I’m 5”7, let’s dig in! I have never been called short by a woman but of course, this is the type of thing that would never be said in polite conversation. I know I’m perceived as short, because in fifth grade, I was called “Short Dweeb” by another kid I was arguing with. In my late twenties, I got into an argument online with a guy I knew in person. He referred to my “little hobbit ass.” Why use that as an insult? He had never seen my hairy bare feet, so the only reason he’d compare me to a hobbit would be because I’m short, right? I have no concrete evidence if my height has been a factor in my luck with dating, so let’s explore the dating histories of four short guys I know of.

              Guy A was a close college friend. He was even shorter than me and had a nasal voice plus kind of an obnoxious, pushy personality. He had bad luck with girls his freshman year. He even pissed a girl off because he “stalked” her at a school carnival (her words were relayed back to him through a mutual friend of ours). His sophomore year, he got a hot blonde girlfriend taller than him. He told us she said he was handsome. I was sitting with my other group of friends at dinner once, and the two of them walked in. My tall bodybuilder friend remarked, “How’d he pull that off?” I said, “She says he’s handsome.” He replied, “I’m insulted!” People are aware of leagues in dating, and my muscular friend was obviously surprised, even annoyed that my other short friend could get a hot blonde. So, Guy A and this girl went out for three years, but it didn’t work out. He and I kept hanging out after that, and he went back to struggling with women, complaining about the “friend-zone” and how they want “bad boys” while he deserves love just because he has a good job, apartment, etc. He’s now 40 at the time of this article and I don’t believe he’s had a girlfriend since. He has had many female friends. However, he did date that babe for a while. He’s what I call a “one-hit wonder.”

              Guy B is only a bit taller than me and is also a one-hit wonder. He had a cute girlfriend over a decade ago but has been single since. He’s nice, good, and has a lot of close, loyal friends, but I think he’s just not perceived as sexy. I’ve mentioned before how I can tell when a man is attractive. He is by no means ugly, but he has this sort of goofy face that almost makes him look like a cartoon character: cute but not hot, if that makes sense. I know of another middle-aged guy like this who has this same goober face, and I don’t believe he has had a girlfriend recently. He also has a history of posting footage from strip clubs and raunchy television shows on social media, so make of that what you will. I think he’s very horny, and I can certainly relate! Talking about someone’s face may make me sound very shallow and judgmental but let me tell you why I bring it up: I THINK I MYSELF HAVE THIS KIND OF GOOBER FACE. I mentioned before that I’m no Channing Tatum, but I think I might also have a “cute but not sexy” face. Because people are polite, I can only speculate that this combined with my height puts me in that harmless unsexy friend category with women.

              Guy C is also short with a goofy face but is married… to a heavy woman. I know, whoa, body shaming! However, I must point out her weight to do a true deep dive into this issue. This fact is relevant because many short men and “incels” complain that they can only get fat women, and not the “hot” women they want. As for Guy C and the missus, looks are not everything. There is no doubt in my mind that they could have something deep and meaningful beyond physical appearances. But for the sake of what I’m discussing, it is worth mentioning that neither one of them is pulling a supermodel anytime soon. Could they be wonderful human beings who are perfect for each other? Absolutely! There are many successful relationships and marriages between two average or below-average-looking people. Long-term commitments are based on interpersonal and emotional factors that go way deeper than physical sex appeal. But if you only want a fit woman and you’re not a tall stud, your mileage is going to vary. There is also nothing wrong with that. I am fit and although I’m not tall, I do not settle for anyone who isn’t fit herself.

              Lastly, Guy D was kind of short, but he was very good-looking. He didn’t have a goofy face. He might have even been considered for a modeling contract, and guess what? He was a CrossFitter who was dating an attractive girl with a fit body who worked out at the same box! Here’s a crazy fact. One day, our box did this competition in the Poconos. We all went to dinner afterwards and I could hear a conversation Guy D was part of. He sheepishly mentioned that amongst his group of male friends, he was the “only one who could get laid.” There you have it! Everything about your physical appearance is a factor. If only I was as good-looking as Guy D.

              Why explore this issue? With all the grievances that have been made online ten times over about short men not getting women, I have never seen a real nuanced discussion of personal experiences and comparisons amongst a variety of short men. I’ve seen guys state they can’t get dates because they’re short, I’ve seen responses to them telling them to change their attitude and just “be confident,” and I’ve seen people give the example of that one short dude they know who has everything else going for him and never has a problem with the ladies. Tom Cruise is somewhere in that equation. I just decided to unpack this myself and share it with the world. Cheers!

[neuroticboyfriend]

heightism is so fucking annoying. its so hard to find things that work with my body and the things that do work are more expensive than standard sized shit??? like you literally use less material to make them what the fuck!

i have a petite rollator and the seat height is still too high for me.

[blackpilled-modernwaste]

me dodging all the bullets the normies keep on telling me about:

[hyperlexichypatia]

Okay, this is a joke, but I really think that's the reasoning. The obsession with "sameness" of measurable demographics (height, age, income, education level) in relationships, and the idea that differences are "predatory," seem rooted in this idea that a relationship is inherently adversarial, and what makes it ethical is being a "fair fight." Why are you fighting?

Goes with "You shouldn't date someone shorter/smaller/younger/poorer/less-educated than you, because you should want an EQUAL relationship!" If you can't treat someone shorter/smaller/younger/poorer/less-educated than you as an equal, that's a you problem.

do you think a 5'4 and 6'2 height difference is predatory?

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[lawyeronabike]

Under Six Feet / Six Feet Under #2: With Respect to Ms. Tomlinson

It's funny, because who would ever want to fuck a short guy, am I right? /s

-After Midnight: Season 1, Episode 1

[daydreamodyssey]

This ended up being longer than I planned, so I'm sorry beforehand. It was about a whatever video of a girl using heightism, saying something stupid but possibly insidious, and me reflecting on our culture toward smallness, particularly with men and how it deals with gender.

(There's a fun present for those who read the whole thing, I promise!)

I saw a tiktok of a girl candidly and cheerfully saying she'd never date a short guy (5'8 or below, she was 5'2) because of a Napoleon complex.

Standard stuff, though still crossing into prejudice.

But then she goes off, in a chipper mood, about deleting them. That really stuck with me.

Best scenario, she just means deleting them off dating sites. Which is still crass and wouldn't fly if she said something similar about other attributes.

Worst scenario, which wouldn't be the first time I heard it, she means literally and physically delete them. She was talking to a guy out on the streets too, so this isn't done terminally online jerk. A lot of women saying they want men dead isn't cute or funny.

I hope people understand that having a preference or having a bad history with whatever group are different than this rhetoric. Even if that person can control something, as opposed to the near permanence of height, it shouldn't mean this group is inherently bad. The issue is the personality, not how long your limbs are or what genes you have. It's a really weird bioessentialism that says if you look different than your gender norm, you are a suspect and a creep in waiting.

There's also this other connection with many men smaller than (the US) average being men of color, which can have a racist and nativist tone. And since height can be affected by the environment, along with making many short people less likely to have high paying jobs and roles, there's probably a classist element, too. A lot of trans men are also short if you want to include transphobia, who already get barely any acknowledgement about how they're treated.

With a lot of women saying "it's in our genes or brains," and one I saw saying for short men to Stay In The Gym, there is this unspoken rule that men MUST be large and dominant or they're not seriously men. With the whole obsession over genetics and strong men, there is a dangerous overlap with trad and fascist ideals, especially with how radical right wing propaganda works (in the 30s/40s and now with the Chad Trad shit).

I don't think a lot of people, men or women, consciously think about this stuff. They could just be shallow assholes. But smallness is almost always seen as infantilism or criminality with no nuance in humanizing, let alone respect as lovers and workers. Maybe there's some taboo part of our private brain that still latches onto "big = strong against predators and rivals" and we don't want to admit and question it like with women and how we judge their looks.

When people say Napoleon complex, it's always vague, like it can mean anything from being aggressive to just being confident to someone taller. It doesn't mean anything and it just causes a Catch 22; you either accept your place on the arbitrary social ladder or you're insecure and in the spotlight. You can't win because you're not supposed to win.

For every short jerk, there's also a tall jerk. A tall jerk who has popularity, fans, girls, money, and literally more weight to throw around. Am I surprised there's a preference? No. I can still be upset about it because I'm human and I'm naturally going to be mad at things that feel unfair and need leverage. And I'm going to be upset when it feels ignored or derided because people don't want to admit they have biases that are more socially acceptable. I'm going to be upset that I and others who are around my height or even shorter have to push limits every day just be treated equally. I can't imagine having dwarfism and seeing these videos or hearing others on the street.

I hear pretty much everything from "short men are rapists for wanting women to be attracted to them" to eugenics and wanting us just dead. There's definitely other traits that compound the toll on a person (weight for myself) that can be greater or lesser, but it's definitely consistent and I've been seeing it rise over the years after some acceptance in the mid '10s.

We need to have honest conversations and reflections about our relationship with size and what it means to be a man. If you want to abolish the patriarchy but still insult a guy because he doesn't look as big and strong and dominant as other men, then you're playing the same side as the men in power or manosphere chuds. The amount of radfems I see hating short men is honestly funny. Like there's no tall misogynists or abusers out there.

If short men, or just A short man messed you up, I'm sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn't like he was infected with the Small Virus, he might've been just a jerk, the same way tall people might be jerks. Just understand that you're overlooking many people because of a bad experience and how dangerously close that mentality is when applying to other people, or toward yourself.

If you read long enough, I congratulate you, and I offer you this one hell of a title I saw in a flea market the other day.