Tumgik
#healing love part 3
roonyxx · 3 months
Text
Healing Love: Part 3
Tumblr media
Summary: You have a normal life as a nurse, and you are content with it. But then a storm called Dean Winchester rolls into it and you get swept away by his charms. But secrets linger and threaten to drown you both.
Pairing: Dean x Witch!nurse!reader
Word count: 2935
Chapter warnings: angst, wounds and medical stuff (i am no professional and have no idea what the real treatments are), smut, fluff.
support me :)
Healing Love Masterlist
My Masterlist
Deviders made by @firefly-graphics, give her some love!
Tumblr media
“On three,” you say as you swing his arm over your shoulders, “one, two, three.” You tug him to a sitting position on the edge of the bed.
You tried your best to not hurt him while tugging him up but he hisses anyway.
“Sorry Dean.” You say.
It’s been a week since his accident and you have visited the bunker every day since. He needed a lot of assistance. He can walk but not far and not without support.
Sam has been helping him go to the toilets, he can manage all that himself, which is a good start.
But he still needs to shower. You have been cleaning his wound every day when necessary.
He hasn’t wanted to shower yet… you offered him plenty of times but he always refused, now it’s getting to the point where he has no choice.
“You have to shower today, Dean.” You tell him as you sit next to him on the edge of the bed.
He sighs and wraps an arm around your waist.
“I know.” He says.
You and him have become closer in the last week. You did a lot of calm kissing that more often than not almost evolved to more, but with Dean being in so much pain it is impossible to do more.
You can sense he is sexually frustrated. He certainly is not alone….
Seeing his body every day, touching his freckled skin every day… It’s hard.
But you don’t want to hurt him, so you keep it to calm kissing.
For now.
You know you should keep your distances because he’s a hunter and you’re a witch, but he’s just so irresistible. He’s so kind and charming and perfect and handsome…
“I can’t even stand for five minutes, how will it even work.” He sigh.
You can hear and see he is feeling a little defeated today, which is normal. Dean is a very independent guy who in his everyday life barely asks for help. For him to have to ask for everything, not able to stand up on his own his hard on him.
You can see his struggle. It’s not uncommon in people healing from big injuries like his.
“I already put a chair inside the shower, you can sit and I’ll help you wash.” You tell him softly, your hand stroking his thigh in a comforting manner.
“You will help me wash? I think you just wanna see me naked.” He grins at you.
You chuckle at his flirt, “You’re right, I do wanna see you naked.” You wiggle your eyebrows back at him. “Unless you’re more comfortable with Sam helping you out?”
You do not want him to be uncomfortable, so you give him the option to choose.
“No, no. I don’t want Sam to see me like that.” He says quickly. “And you’re the professional anyways.”
“Okay, yes, true. I wash people all day at work. I really don’t mind.” You smile at him.
“You also wash guys? Like… your age? Handsome guys?” He asks in a somewhat unsure voice.
“I mean, I don’t really take into account if they’re handsome or not, but I’m sure I have washed handsome men before. Why?”
“No, no reason.” He shrugs and you see it in the glint of his eyes.
Is he… jealous?
It makes you smile.
“Are you jealous, Dean?”
“What! No, no I’m not.” He says it with a grunt, making it very unbelievable.
“Oh my god, you totally are jealous!” You say with a big smile.
The smile soon fades when you see him looking at his hands in his lap.
“Dean…” you cup his cheek and wait for his eyes to meet yours, “The only man I want to undress is you. The others is because it is my job.”
His eyes flick over your face, settling on your lips. You smile and lean in to kiss him.
His hand comes up to cup your face while kissing you deeper, moaning into your mouth, his other hand grabs your thigh and squeezes it firmly.
Your eyes roll back in your head at his firm grip, your legs spread almost on instinct.
You feel him smile against your lips as his hand moves higher to rest at the apex of your thigh.
You are so happy you put on leggings this morning, the thin fabric allowing you to feel his hand cupping your core. You groan loudly and roll your hips in his hand.
“D-Dean.” You moan against his lips.
His fingers press harder into you, his kiss turning sloppy.
“You drive me crazy, Y/n.” He groans against your lips while rubbing your core through your pants.
Your panties and pants are growing slick with arousal from his touch, it urges you on to roll harder against his hand.
“Y-yes Dean o-oh my god-“ You throw your head back as he finds your clit through the thin layers of fabric, his fingers pressing into that tight bundle of nerves, making you gasp loudly.
“Yes sweetheart just like that-“ His sentence ends on a sharp hiss and it is like a bucket of ice poured over your head.
You look at him and sees he tried to turn more towards you and it probably tugged on his wound. His hand is holding his tummy firmly.
You curse yourself for getting lost in lust and gently take his hand away to check his injury. There are red spots on the bandage, you start to take it off and see the damage.
“Shit… you ripped a few stitches.” You sigh, this is why only calm kissing is allowed.
You grab everything you need and sit on your knees on the floor between his legs, threading your needle.
“It will take just a second.” You look up at him.
His eyes are nearly black with lust, his pupils blown wide. The very obvious bulge in his sweats is also very noticeable and it makes you clench your thighs.
You were so close to coming….
“Sorry.” He mutters, a blush creeping over his face, clearly he feels embarrassed that he’s hard for you.
“Don’t worry about it.” You say and start restitching. A soft smile on your face, you already know a way to help him out with his frustrations.
You finish your stitching, his cock no longer hard because he flinched every time the needle pierced his skin.
“Let’s get you in the shower, okay?” You come next to him and put his arm over your shoulders.
“Yes.” He answers and with another short countdown you two stand up.
You support most of his weight as you walk to the bathroom, when entering the chair is where you left it in the shower. As carefully as you can you lower him in the chair.
“There, all comfy?” You ask.
He nods.
You smile at him and come closer.
“I want you naked, Dean.” You smile even wider.
“This wasn’t how I imaged to be naked with you.” He mutters.
He’s feeling embarrassed.
But you have a solution for that.
“Maybe not but still,” you grab the edge of your shirt and take it off over your head, leaving your black lacy bra on, for now. “we can have fun.” You smile.
You think his eyes might fall out of his head with how wide they are.
“Y-you, why are you undressing? Not that I am complaining.”  A little of that cocky grin is coming back on his face.
“Because I don’t want my clothes to get wet, and well, I could use a shower too.” You dip your thumbs into your waistband and shimmy your leggings down your legs, throwing the item behind you.
“Oh-oh wow.” He breathes as he takes in your matching black lace panties, his eyes are roaming over every inch and the bulge in his pants is slowly growing again.
It makes you clench your thighs.
“Can I undress you now?” You ask, coming to stand between his legs.
He nods and you tug off his shirt. You saw his torso many times these last days but every inch of skin revealed to you is exciting.
You bend down, making sure your boobs are at eye level as you grab his waist band, you lean in and kiss his neck.
“Lift your hips for me, Dean.” You whisper against his skin.
He does as you say and you take off his underwear and pants, a slight slap filling the shower when his cock springs free and hits his tummy.
You toss his pants away and look at all of him, all his naked glory.
Fuck… his cock is so hard, and red and leaking precum. His hand moves to grab himself by the base and squeezes, making another drop of precum roll down his tip.
You nearly whimper at the sight.
You stand between his legs, turning around so your back is towards him. Taking the edge of your panties you bend down and take them off, giving Dean a full view of your glistening, soaked pussy.
You’re rewarded with a deep groan behind you and a muttered 'fuck'.
You turn back to face him and take off your bra, slinging it away.
He licks his lips as he takes all of you in.
You lean over him, effectively putting your boobs in his face as you turn on the shower, immediate hot water cascading down over you two.
His lips attack your nipples, kissing and sucking on them. A moan falling from your lips.
His hands wrap around your thighs, grabbing them eagerly.
You grab his soaps and take a little step back, his lips try to chase your boobies but you push him back by the shoulder.
His chest is heaving with every breath, taking the soap in your hands you start to lather them up and begin washing his skin.
You’re thorough in what you do, his neck, his broad shoulders, his pecks, back and sides, then very carefully around his wound and checking that the water resistant bandage is still intact.
Then you wash his feet, his calves, his thighs.
His balls. Looking up through your wet lashes you watch his face as you firmly massage his balls.
“Y-Y/n.” he whimpers, his legs spreading wider.
You sit down on your knees between his spread legs and grab the base of his cock. Looking in his eyes you bend and lick the tip of his cock, your tongue dipping in that oh so sensitive slit.
“Fff-fuck.” He groans and his hands tighten on the arm rests of the chair.
You smile wickledly and lick up under his shaft, from base to tip to then take as much as you can of him in your mouth.
His tip brushes the back of your throat and you gag around him, making him moan harder. The part of him that doesn’t fit in your mouth you grab in your hand.
Your other hand still firmly massaging his balls. You start sucking him deeply, bobbing your head up and down.
“F-fuck Y/n yes, yes yes yes, j-just like that.” He pants, one of his hands slips in your hair and fists it tightly.
You moan loudly around him.
“I-Im gonna come.” He says and tries to tug you off of him. But you want his cum in your mouth, you need it to be inside, to swallow it.
“Y/n o-oh” he moans when he sees you want it, “fuck i- I’m-“
His balls tighten in yourhand and his cock starts to twitch in your mouth as he comes hard, his cum hitting the back of your throat and making you cough. You make sure to swallow it all down, your tongue rubbing the under side of his cock in your mouth to prolong his orgasm as much as possible.
“Y/N FUCK GRAH!” he screams loudly while filling you, his hand fisting your hair so hard it makes your eyes water.
You let go of his balls and push slightly on his thigh, the need for oxygen becoming urgent.
He lets your hair go and you sit up, taking in a big breath, coughing on the few drops of cum still coating your throat.
You take his half limp cock and lick him completely clean, then wash him gently with some soap.
“Y-you’re- you’re so fucking good.” He pants.
You smile and pass your soapy hands over his sensitive tip, enjoying the whimper you drag from him.
You stand up between his legs and begin washing yourself.
Dean is content watching you spread the foam all over your body, his hand coming up to rub at spots you clearly didn’t forget, but you let him.
Then you grab his shampoo and start massaging the soap into his scalp, his eyes fluttering with the sensation.
“Fuck this is so good.” He groan.
You’re so focused on washing his soft hair that you jump when you feel his fingers brushing your slick folds.
“Can I touch you?” he asks, while looking into your eyes with so much want you don’t have it in you to deny him.
“Yes Dean, but be careful, okay?”
He nods and his eyes dart down to look at your pussy, wet and swollen with desire for him.
You keep washing his hair, even when his deft fingers find your clit and start expertly rubbing it in tight circles.
“Y-yes.” You moan.
He turns his hand palm up and enters his middle and ring finger deep inside you. Your legs start trembling at how well his fingers fill you.
He crooks them so they rub perfectly against that sweet spot deep inside you while simultaneously rubbing his palm against your clit.
“F-fuck Dean- y-yes, don’t stop.” You moan and fist his hair, keeping his head away from you because you can sense he wants to kiss your body but that’s a movement that is no longer calm.
“You’re so fucking soaked for me sweetheart. Listen.” He starts to roughly vibrate his hand, filling the shower with the sound of your soaked pussy.
You moan loudly and clench his fingers so hard inside you that he mutters a curse. Your thighs start trembling, the days of edging on finally coming to their conclusion.
“Dean Dean Dean Dean Dean DEAN.” You chant on repeat as you near that edge, following his rhythm and focusing on his finger you feel yourself comping apart at the edges.
“DEAN YES!” You scream as you fall apart around his fingers, your legs tremble violently, and your thighs clench his hand in place as you come so hard around him.
You use the back of the chair as a support to lean on, you’re panting so hard and lean down to kiss him sloppily.
“O-oh my god, Dean…” You say as you unclench his hand and let it go from the prison of your thighs.
He smiles proudly and looks in your eyes.
“You’re so beautiful when you come.” He says and kisses you again.
You moan in his mouth but turns to a loud gasp as the water of the shower suddenly turns cold. You hurry to turn it off.
“Fuck.” You laugh, now definitely cooled down. Luckily Dean is laughing too, and no ripped stitches this time.
“Let’s get dry and warmed up.” You smile and help Dean get back into his room where you both cuddle in his bed and eventually fall asleep.
Tumblr media
You get awoken by your ringtone going of in the middle of the night. Quinn jumps up and off your bed as he too got roughly awoken by it.
“Shit” you grunt and pick up, “yeah?”
“Y/n? You need to come, it’s Dean, he-he’s not waking up, there’s a lot of blood please- I-“ a sob breaks Sam’s sentence and you’re already flying to grab your keys of your car.
“Keep pressure, I’m coming.”
You stay on the phone with Sam in the car and ask him the routine questions, trying to be calm yourself, it doesn’t look good for Dean…
You reach the bunker and run inside straight to his room.
Looking inside freezes you.
There is too much blood, he's so pale…
“Move!” you scream and push Sam, not ignoring the strong call of your magic you throw the gates inside you open and let it fill your veins.
You hear Sam gasp as your entire body lights up golden and your hair starts floating around you.
It takes all your focus to redirect the mass of magic towards Dean, it feels like guiding an ocean where to go.
But you manage and with all your strength you pour the magic inside Dean. Your arms start to tremble from the strain, but you need to keep going because- because-
His heart is not beating…
You push more magic into him, sweat dripping down your face and your feet leave the ground as you start floating.
All the blood that soaked into his mattress is retracting back into his body, it is like someone pushed the reverse button and all the damage to his body is reversing.
His blood returns to his veins, his cells regenerate themselves, his organs begin working again, his body temperature rises.
And his heart starts beating again.
Dean sits up with a big, sharp inhale and looks at you.
You turn to see his open eyes, his face back with color.
And you see his face filled with shock as he takes you in, glowing and floating next to his bed.
You shut the gates deep inside you shut and cut off the magic, the light inside you shuts of like a lamp and you drop to your knees, completely exhausted.
“Dean!” Sam runs to his brother and hugs him so tight, his shoulders shaking with held back sobs.
But Dean’s eyes don’t leave yours. He’s staring at you in shock and something else…
Betrayal.
“What are you.”
Tumblr media
Forever Tags 2024: @jay-and-dean @flamencodiva @snowlovespie @awkward-and-indecisive @hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007
Dean tags 2024: @akshi8278 @pink-sparkly-witch @verytoadpapersoul @eevvvaa @muhahaha303 @alwaystiredandconfused @deansimpalababy @globetrotter28 @aylacavebear
Healing Love tags: @deans-spinster-witch @kr804573 @suckitands33 @bitchykittenconnoisseur @brightlilith @snowayumi @ailalovegood
send me an ask if you want to be on any of my tag lists! (or if you want to be removed)
77 notes · View notes
bemnie · 3 months
Text
ATLA POLYWEB!!! OH YEA
Tumblr media
689 notes · View notes
untouchedsoap · 1 year
Text
there is something sooo fucking good about early seasons ian and mickey, about watching this summer fling turn into something more, the fear that elicited from mickey but him being unable to stop, finding those little moments hidden away and taking all this meaning from small gestures and persevering in dugouts and under bleachers and barely pressed confessions in the back of a church that is soo good for my brain
like i am very glad mickey gets to shout his love for ian from the mountain tops and also beat his love for ian into his dad's face but when he was clenching his teeth shut and his love for ian was coming out regardless ohhhhh baby i was eating
178 notes · View notes
satanfemme · 1 day
Text
did u know the secret to mental health is developing an alter who matches ur freak and then getting kinda toxic and yaoiful about it in the headspace. this is real I think it's what they tell u to do in the dsm. u can believe me
15 notes · View notes
cloudcountry · 5 months
Text
guys im so sorry depression and evil thoughts have been kicking my ass again and ive come to the realization that i will always have to live with them. not fun but i am going to sleep now so hopefully i feel better in the morning.
14 notes · View notes
thecruellestmonth · 2 years
Text
A majorly underappreciated part of Jason Todd's character is how he's lived his entire life as someone who's supposed to be under Batman's protection.
If Dick became Robin at age 12, then Batman started working in Gotham when Jason was about 2 or 3. If Dick became Robin at age 8 or 9, then Batman started working in Gotham before Jason was even born.
101 notes · View notes
sizablelad · 1 year
Text
my cat is so goofy and i love her so much. she loves when i pet under her chin and she'll get so happy-overstimulated when i do it that she'll give me happy bites, and sometimes she purrs so hard that she literally trembles.
12 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
in april 2022 this phd student researching study abroad experiences interviewed me and my mom bc her dissertation was all abt the return experience and how that impacts the family and ive literaly been looking forward to getting her dissertation and reading it for over a year and she just sent it to me at last and. it turns out she excluded my contributions to it bc her study doesn’t encompass experiences of ppl who were sent home early / had their study abroad cancelled when covid started and the world shut down bc that experience was “non-normative” 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 i get it but i am also feeling murderous rage
19 notes · View notes
roseville · 2 months
Text
thought dump
4 notes · View notes
asterdeer · 10 months
Text
hurt my own goddamn feelings going in the alabama state poll tags but also made myself angry. yall motherfuckers are the reason why, when i listened to weird al's "complicated" parody in middle school, i immediately felt like i was doing something wrong or was something wrong because i was really close, best friends, with my cousin. a long ass time before i figured out i was queer, i felt dirty and dangerous and morally suspicious because of who i loved and where i came from because people still think Hurr Durr Incest State Sweet Home Alabama Stupid Redneck Cousin Kissers is a funny joke and not at all demeaning, classist, just plain mean, and very potentially damaging. get better soon.
8 notes · View notes
ingo-ingoing-ingone · 2 years
Text
While this is a US-only holiday I just wanna thank the submas fandom for all you guys have done for me.
You've helped me feel more like myself than I really can EVER remember feeling, because you've helped me with my self-image. Yes I know it's cosplay and not exactly the same, but it's helped me immeasurably.
Ive never quite been in a fandom that appreciates new artists, artists without honed skills, and writers as much as you all. For real I felt welcomed from day one. You all comment and reblog and tag things and it's just. Such a nice place to be.
Ive made countless friends and reconnected with some old ones on Tumblr, Twitter, and Discord. I actually found an awesome community on twitter, something that felt out of reach before! I found my love of writing again and had some of the best days of my life at cons.
Thank you all for making my 2022 a genuinely good year. I'll never be able to fully articulate what everything has meant to me, but I hope you all can understand what I'm trying to say.
I hope to keep seeing you all around, happy holidays of all sorts, and all aboard for 2023!!
59 notes · View notes
poisonouspastels · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
@beegswaz genuinely i think my favorite tags on any of my work ever. i fucking love when people talk abt my characters like this
#its like blorbo from my show but with fucking minecraft and i love it deeply#for the record both Groda and White Eyes get socialized in the modern world like feral cats#both by the main players but it does happen at different times bc they all encountered Groda first when she held Rana hostage for bait#she'd kinda gone crazy after all those years of isolation lol#did that bc she thought Herobrine was the knight who betrayed her during the time period where people were wanting to overthrow her#(the knight worked for the royal family and was one of Groda's childhood friends. that did not last needless to say)#thankfully at the end of the day all 4 of the main players managed to get out alive though not unharmed with Groda in tow#when there's something trying to kill you every other day in this universe though they honestly cant be too mad about it#it doesnt help that Groda is just Really Stupid sometimes (all the time)#she's literally Peridot from SU in that she seems really intimidating but in hindsight is a massive dork#and also the fact that is the voice i imagine her having its so good#once her ability to use magic is taken away she's literally just like a scared feral street cat. does not know what the FUCK is going on#also rendering her communication with 3/4ths of the players useless since she only knows Galactic and no one alive knows that but Herobrine#(not helping the coincidental similarities to the knight but thats not him) she'll learn commonspeak later tho#ironically later down the line when Groda is spotted by the cult getting her magic back will be a key part in taking down White Eyes#she really does want to change for the better but she needed a LOT of shit kicked into her in order to start actually making the change#that being said when White Eyes eventually gets integrated it IS On Sight#she has had to been quite literally pried of Groda AT LEAST once by the others in order to keep from killing her#but other than that she'll be okay :) she picks up painting eventually#her open wounds are finally able to heal over once released from the influence of the Wither but she's still scarred unfortunately#mentally and physically!#but its only up from here... right?#actually since I talked abt the players first encounter with Groda im gonna reblog that aftermath comic again it still fucks#minecraft au mastertag
13 notes · View notes
ame-to-ame · 3 months
Text
there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
2 notes · View notes
toastsnaffler · 7 months
Text
everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
5 notes · View notes
redrattlers · 4 months
Text
feeling so emotional after the most fun wonderful and healing weekend 🥹
#i say weekend but it’s more the last couple days#slowly starting to process luke’s show on thursday and truly just feeling so much#the songs i hadn’t heard at boston calling were coincidentally the ones i was the most excited to hear and ahhh it was incredible#like place in me and comedown and i’m still your boy#i have no words#also!! motion!!#i did not expect to leave that show and have motion be one of my favourite moment of the night#it had been so long since i had so much fun in a crowd everyone was so hype<3#the pure joy i felt in that moment and how that was reciprocated by the people around me#priceless#starting line<3 still can’t believe i got to hear my favourite song in the world<3#fun fact i went to the show with my mom after my friend couldn’t go anymore#her coming to my rescue when i was starting to have doubts about going alone<3#and she loved it so much 😭#guys i love my mom#we made a whole weekend out of it and it was so nice#when i say this whole experience was so healing that’s part of it#to like have this much fun and to share that with my mom meant so much more to me than i realized#she knows wfttwtaf well and it was so cute to see her excited when she recognized a song 😭#also experiencing mum with my mom was indescribable#i just hugged her the whole time and kinda blacked out actually#so yeah!!!! this show turned out to be so much more than i could ever imagined#super happy with my experience with this tour and choosing to do boston calling and a show too#i can’t even talk about luke he was so perfect<3#more thoughts on this later when i reblog things probably
6 notes · View notes
inniave · 4 months
Text
some of the older parts got us a teddy bear and activity book for tomorrow !!! ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
3 notes · View notes