#he's so ascetic <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[bumblingbabooshka]

Archery Science Professor at the Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts [Patreon | Commissions]

[kebiday]

of course ppl have no obligation to care about characters they don't like... & fandom is about doing what you want and having fun... & it's inevitable for fanon to simplify the cast into little cardboard cutouts...

but i Do wish that ppl who pour a lot of love & effort into analyzing + developing the relationships of + having empathy for the circumstances of the main characters would extend more than a fraction of that to other characters. like my favorite girl kevin day 🐈‍⬛

[nrdmssgs]

Little things, they do 2 (Price, Ghost, Gaz) (headcannons)

Masterlist

Part 1 (Alex, Soap, König) here

Little things, they do, that get you every time. Silly, warm, heart-melting, wholesome things.

Captain John Price

Knuckle kisses. That's it.

Praises you not only when you succeed, but also when you fail. “I know, you tried so hard, love. This doesn't make you lesser. You don't have to prove anything to me. I'm proud of you. You're enough.”

Compliments you at the most random times. You've just woken up with an absolute mess on your head, or you walk around the house in old faded sweatpants and a dirty T-shirt because the rest of the clothes are being washed? John takes your hand, brings it to his lips and whispers "You are incredibly beautiful." or “How did an old git like me ended up with the most gorgeous, hottest  human being out there?”

He has this habit of going behind your back and leaning close to your very ear while telling you something. Maybe he just likes to feel you close and uses it as an excuse, maybe he wants to “envelop” you in a way, hide you from the whole world, sharing his knowledge, feeling, how interested you are in a topic.

One of those people to actually use paper and envelopes, that some hotel still provide their rooms with. You get these long 3-5 page letters from different corners of earth every now and then. They can be absolutely platonic - he can literally describe, what he's seen or overheard on the streets lately or rant about how he wants to hear seabirds voices, but they are interrupted by the unceasing roar of engines and roadworks here… But you see it: every line screams “I love you. I freaking love you so much, it's almost 4 am here, and I'm still wide awake, because I need to write to you, to communicate in any way that will be safe for you.” 

Simon Ghost Riley

He is no stranger to triggered stress or panic. So if you have any phobia, and he finds out about it - he starts protecting you from its triggers. Let's say, you're scared of spiders and scorpions. Even a picture of one can absolutely freak you out. Simon goes above and beyond to shield you from any type of appearance of these creatures in your life. In summer, he'll escort and even tiniest spider out of your apartment, before you see it.

He even shares a googledoc with trigger warning time codes for every piece of media, you wanted to see. Even if it's a long series - he just checks every episode of it on a fast rewind and writes you, if it's fully safe to watch or not. 

Ghost has a wealth of experience in dealing with insomnia and is willing to help you, if you come across this issue. Just don't hesitate to ask - he is ready to spend all the night helping you out. Will definitely start with pressing your back to his chest and guiding you through a breathing exercise.

If you had a bad day and dropped him a message - he`d surely call you as soon as he can to talk you through everything that happened and soothe you. 

“I`m always there for you, you know?” “I know, Simon…” “No, thats not the way, we do that.” “...” “Come on. Say it.” “I remember, ok?” “Say. it. I need you say it out loud.” “You are always there for me, no matter what.” “And?” “... and I can call or text you any time and you'll reach back asap.” “Good job. I'll call you again before you go to sleep.”

Despite his ascetic way of life, he likes nice things and gradually accustoms you to the same preferences. 

It all starts with tea. One day, you go grocery shopping together. You walk between the rows of shelves while Simon stays by your cart. Returning to the cart, you find him skeptically examining the box of tea you dropped into the cart earlier. "What is this?" "It's tea, Simon, stop pretending you can't read." Ghosts gaze eloquently demonstrates his attitude towards this product. "It's trash." He pulls out a simple but elegant box from the top shelf. "This is tea." You try to convince him that with the money spent on that "good" box, you could drink tea all year, but he is relentless. Simon ends up buying the tea himself and brewing it at your place. When you first try it and roll your eyes in pleasure - he smiles contentedly. “Told you.”

Kyle Gaz Garrick

“Babe this is delicious, wanna try it?” - say yes and firstly he will kiss you. You absolutely need to try that ice cream, his tongue is just a nice bonus. Ofc shares his food with you afterward.

One of the most supportive human beings out there. Encourages every your hobby, hella proud of you and not shy to demonstrate it. “Have you heard her singing? RNs got a voice of a songbird!” “Kyle, please, I just went to a few vocal lessons and learned like… 2 songs.” “Those are my favorite ones from now on, love.”

If you work from home, he'll walk into your room randomly (but only when he is 100% sure, you're not on the call), sit beside you and just stare silently at you. Ask him, what's up, and he'll give you a quick kiss on the forehead and walk away grinning. 

Slow dances with you on streets, when you two pass by street musicians. Doesn't care if everybody looking, even if someone pulls out a phone and starts filming this wholesome scene. It's only you in Kyles hands, that matter right now to him. 

If you have a pet - he definitely becomes its new dad. When Kyle is around - your four-legged friend absolutely forgets about your existence, because Gaz is an expert in best scratches!

By the way, your pets birthday is now Kyles official holiday!

[ceilidho]

no worries if you're not feeling this! I know you said your wrist is giving you trouble so I would so much rather you prioritize yourself and your health over any writing!!

that said, I am so digging this knight ghost situation. after reading the last prompt about it, I'm seeing some potential for a battle of wills situation. ghost waiting for the princess to ask (beg) for what she wants but she's too prim and proper to say it and she's confused as well, all like why has this dude who I'm married to not made a move on me?? and ghost has so much patience, he'll just wait and wait until she absolutely can't take it any more and then idk, you're the master!!!

again again, I hope you're feeling well soon and if this is not your vibe it's all good in the hood. btw I love all of your writing and I wish I could grind it up and make a delicious shake out of it❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for being so kind!!! Wrist is feeling a lot better today because I did some exercises with it yesterday <3

Ghost's patience is endless, of course. He endures month and sometimes year long campaigns with little creature comforts. Even when he comes home, he doesn't really indulge in any of the comforts of home because he knows that it's temporary. He'll be called upon again by his king the next time there's a need for his service.

So at home with his princess, it's easy to deny her. It's almost a game, whether she'll break first (anticipated) or whether he finally will (not likely, but the odds never quite hit zero).

She's the first thing that ever really made him question his ascetic code; if anything was going to tempt him to indulge, it would be his pretty new wife wrapped in her winter furs and badgering him about repairs to the stables (he loves listening to her complain; she's so tight lipped around her family and doesn't really speak her mind, but after months as his wife, she's gotten comfortable expressing herself with Ghost).

And it's so so cute watching her struggle to bring up the subject of their marriage bed with him. She hints at it and talks circles around it, about how it's not proper for her to have her own chambers and how her parents expect her to be with child by the spring, but she doesn't just come out and say it. She's always on the verge of a temper tantrum, like she might stomp her foot about it because her warrior husband won't take her to bed even though she worried for days before their wedding that she'd have to endure his appetites.

Ghost knows he's going to give in eventually, but they'll never be able to wait like this again so he enjoys it while it's happening :)))

[malaierba]

I think that Kabru and Shuro being friends makes no sense negl

Well... They are.

I'm gonna guess you want me to sell their dynamic to you?

I'm feeling so so sick I'll keep it short though. Nothing I say will be better than rereading the manga paying attention to their interactions.

1. Their stories parallel each other in several places. Raised by a surrogate mother, trained to be skilled warriors from a young age, both are disconnected with something about themselves as a result of their upbringing, both are politically minded, both capable of approaching any social interaction trying to determine what their interlocutor REALLY wants out of it... They are both also very ascetic and aren't very in touch with their desires. I feel like they both look outwards more than inwards.

I actually just saw this post which i find so apt. Kabru is better at taking care of his foils than himself. Toshiro, in a way, is also better at performing when it's for other people rather than for himself. Maizuru said it herself, asking for help saving Falin was his one selfish request and it wasn't even for himself. Parallel that with Kabru being so willing to sacrifice himself in order to prevent a tragedy like that happened in Utaya. Sacrifice is high on both of them.

I'm not saying all of these parallels are like, direct equivalents, just that they're similar enough that Kabru and Toshiro could look at each other and be like. Hmm. I feel like I get you.

2. 1. Toshiro literally has Rinsha Fana energy

Using these because it's the screenshots I have most at hand lol but. While maybe not her temper, something about their general approach to a group dynamic and general disposition is very similar to me.

2.2. Kabru has the type of social skills that would make it easy for Toshiro to communicate with him. It's not a perfect comparison but to me it's like if you took a bit of Falyn and a bit of Namari, yeah? Extroversion but also awareness of how to put someone like Toshiro at ease.

3. Idk their general interactions man, they just manage to communicate well with each other! Again no mangacaps bcs my head is killing me but, Kabru being able to talk some sense into Toshiro during his meltdown when he's about to kill Laios? When Kabru opens up about his trauma to Toshiro and Namari even though the way I read it, the action wasn't going to get them on his side anymore than they already were? (Aka true moment of seeking connection and showing vulnerability? You don't do that with just any stranger!)

Look at how they're hanging out during the feast. Isn't that so friendship.

TL;DR: they're both: 1. Similar in a lot of important dimensions central to their characters, 2. Already have friends that share traits or with whom they have a dynamic they enjoy, 3. They fr have chemistry man look at the manga.

[enlitment]

Some Julius Caesar x The Danton Case Parallels to Celebrate the Ides of March, Frev Style 🔪🥳

Firstly, both Przybyszewska’s Danton Case and Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar are obviously (excellent!) tragedies that are set in a dying republic on the brink of collapse.

Here are some other interesting parallels I was able to trace:

1. Brutus and Robespierre:

Both of them are driven to execute an important figure even though they initially do not want to do it. They are both conflicted but feel like they have no other choice and have to commit the violent act for the good of the republic.

They are also arguably quite alike in terms of character: you have the „noble Brutus“ and then Robespierre, who is consistently referred to as „the Incorruptible“. Both are seen by others as selfless and committed to the good of the state (the people in the crowd very much emphasise this fact in both of the plays, I do have the receipts)

There is even the scene in which Brutus chastises Cassius for taking bribes, which plays into the idea of him as being (literally) “incorruptible” as well. And vice versa, traces of Brutus’ famed stoicism can then certainly be found in Maximilien.

2. Cassius and Saint-Just:

Both are characters who convince the protagonists (Brutus/Robespierre) to go along the violent act while not necessarily being portrayed as antagonists (at least Saint-Just definitely can't be seen as one in Przybyszewska’s play).

There are also parallels in the close relationship between Brutus and Cassius and Robespierre and Saint-Just, where they are very much portrayed as each other’s closest confidants. Of course, this idea can easily be pushed even further if one wishes to read between the lines. (There is no Camille Desmoulins in Shakespeare though)

3. Manipulating the Crowd:

I'm perhaps the most fascinated by how both Brutus and Mark Antony as well as Robespierre and Danton have the necessary rhetorical skills to manipulate the crowd of commoners (Robespierre being able to “play the crowd like an organ” very much came to my mind when I was reading Act 3 Scene 2 of the Shakespeare’s play).

Both Shakespeare and Przybyszewska portray “the court of public opinion” and how it can easily be manipulated - how opinions can be changed in the matter of minutes - in a way that is genuinely fascinating.

Specifically, the similarity between A3S2 in which people first listen to Brutus only to be immediately swayed by Mark Antony’s speech shortly after and the scene in the court in which Danton manipulates the crowd were in fact so similar in some respects that it was borderline uncanny.

The problem arises when looking for a mirror to Danton’s character in Shakespeare’s play.

4. The Case for Danton x Caesar:

It is Caesar who gets killed for being perceived as a danger to the republic

Both Caesar and Danton are portrayed as being very much beloved by the common people

Also, the idea of Danton being immortal is expressed at the end of Przybyszewka’s play, and while he does not come back literally as a ghost like Ceasar does, Robespierre nonetheless explains to Saint-Just that Danton’s spirit never truly dies.

5. The Case for Danton x Mark Antony:

If we see Danton and Robespierre as foils, Mark Antony makes more sense as a parallel to Danton (even though he does not die), since both Robespierre and Brutus as the classic ascetic/stoic archetype while Danton and Mark Antony’s are well-known for their appetite for drinking, women (or, you know, people, in the case of Mark Antony) , and the pleasures of life overall.

Both are also severely underestimated by their enemies at first, yet they prove to be quite cunning and are able to use their words skilfully to win over the public

Overall, reading both of the plays – especially the parts about manipulating the Roman public and the citizens of Paris just with the power of words – really makes me wonder if Przybyszewska read Shakespeare’s play and used it as a source of inspiration. It would make sense, especially given how the parallel between the French Republic and the Roman Republic was well-established long before her time (even, somewhat tragically, by the revolutionaries themselves).

I promise I think about Przybyszewska's and Shakespeare’s play and the Roman Republic along with the French Revolution a totally normal amount of time & that it definitely does not consume my every waking thought that should be very much going towards the exam preparation.

[rzyraffek]

Haiii! If ur requests are still open would you do the Sinclair brothers reacting to having a goth so?Like also ftm cause me too and I’m totally not projecting. Like all the characters in house of wax dress pretty normal and as someone who dresses out of that ordinary I’d love to see how they would react the them. Thanks for reading my ask! Have a nice day <3 I uh love your writings sm

Ello yes I am still open for request (for 2years now! How fast time flew by!) And hello fellow ftm! I love goths🥰 anyways I had few ideas so here you go! and you too have nice day anon!!

He/him, sfw, Request open

Slashers with goth ftm s/o

Vincent Sinclair

Dude is stealing his clothes lol

Like litteraly, that nice black shirt you bought? You thought you lost it? Nah he has it

Man does s/o make up (the cool goth one) and vice versa

Painting each others nails and shit talking Bo>>

About s/o being ftm. Man doesn't care, he loves him and that's the most important!

Also when he first met s/o he felt a bit shy cuz he looks so epic and menacing. Vince wants to look like it too

Bo Sinclair

Dude often gets jumpscared by s/o. Like imagine him in whole black gothic outfit just eating stuff from fridge at 3am and the only light is coming from fridge. Bo was sure he just witnessed ghost stealing from his fridge

Thinks s/o looks dope asf

Called s/o 'emo boy' once :(

S/o has to explain to him the all difrences between subcultures

Lester Sinclair

Dude ain't complaining, but boi? U will struggle in Forest in those shoes

He is starstruck! You look so stunning man!

He gonna be a bit worried for your outfits cuz they look dope and here you can get easly dirty especially if you want to travel to forest or just go into Bo (or lester) car, its a mess inside

Micheal Myers

👍

He ain't caring

U trans? Cool

U goth? Alright

Dude doesnt care what gender s/o is anyways

But tbh I think that Micheal likes and is more attracted to people who stand out of crowd. The less 'normal looking' he is the better

Man loves his goth bf

Once he was in goofy mood and gave s/o pair of bright pink socks (they are new dont worry). They totally match his ascetic

Billy Lenz

🧍

Sooo

...

Can he borrow those cool shoes?

Can s/o do his make up?

If s/o answers 'no' to any of those questions he gonna have a tantrum and hide under bed untill he calms down

Ate his black lipstick/eyeshadow/idk what goth make-up looks like, you make something up idc

Hacked his Spotify account to lisen to judge s/o music taste

Waaah sorry for few day wait, I died 3times and bought Gta5 so yeah I been busy

[asksythe]

MXTX Interview with Risa Wataya for Subaru Magazine P.3

Risa Wataya: So that’s how it is. Although Lan WangJi is very quiet, he always uses practical actions to protect Wei WuXian's feelings. He’s a character that makes people feel sincere and earnest. I also really liked the scene where he couldn't beat the alcohol and drank until he lost self-control.

Mo Xiang: Lan Wangji is a cute person! Although he is stubborn and cold and not easy for strangers to approach on the outside, but when he loves someone, he is innocent (*) and sensitive, like a teenage girl. He will cry. He will be shy, jealous, and hesitant. He will worry and fret by himself... I like gong like this! The weakness to wine is to show this cute side of Lan Wangji. I think childish gongs are very cute.

(*: the word used here is chun de 纯的. It means ‘pure’ in the mental and emotional sense. As in his love and his feelings are pure and have no other motives or agendas. It’s not pure/innocent as in... well... we all know Lan Wangji’s sexual awakening involves a dream about him r***-ing Wei Wuxian so... It’s not that kind of innocent.)

Risa Wataya: On his forehead, he wears a forehead band, like a headband in Japan. The fact that the forehead band symbolizes self-restraint is also very interesting.

Mo Xiang: In reality, the forehead band also frequently appears on the costumes of classical Chinese literature. So I think it is a kind of ancient Chinese aristocratic jewelry, to emphasize Gusu Lan Shi's nobility (*) but without giving too much meaning at that time… However, later upon investigation, I found that in ancient China, there was a "ceremonial stoicism" (**) of ethics and etiquette, which is also reflected in clothing and jewelry. For example, "hairpin", which means "proper/virtuous posture"... When walking, if the hairpin makes a sound, you need to adjust your posture. Although the exposure of the forehead does not seem to have special meaning, "binding" is reminiscent of "self-restraint.” After considering the behavioral ethics of the ancient Chinese, I developed this “restraint oneself” setting.

(*: the wording here does not actually mean nobility as in a ranking or social class of the time, but in the feelings evoked by Gusu Lan Shi, in the way they conduct themselves, restrain themselves, deny themselves extreme power, in the goals and standards they set for themselves, in the ways they treat other common people in a time where China had an extremely rigid nine-ranked caste system and extensive slave class and slavery system. A sense of beyond the petty squabbles of common mortals. In other words, nobility from the bones)

(**: 礼服克己 Lifu Keji: an ancient manifested philosophy and a type of Asian ascetism where a practitioner must conduct his life, from the smallest, most insignificant details, with extreme restraint and control.) 

Risa Wataya: Ah, so that’s how it is. The plot related to the forehead band is quite interesting. Although looking at the full text, there are a lot of sorrowful, tragic parts, but after adding such interesting details, the mood becomes much lighter.

Mo Xiang: If it's all torture (*), my readers will run away. By the way, the “Aside from the destined person, other people cannot touch the forehead band” detail is something I suddenly thought of during the writing process. I often read classical Chinese martial arts novels (wuxia). The female characters often appear on screen and say: "You have seen my face. You must marry me." "Or "You touch my hand, you're responsible!" (**) But I thought, "Why do women always have to say this?"

(*: modern Chinese slang. It literally means ‘reverse/mistreat.’ It denotes ‘sad, sorrowful’ tones in stories that will make you cry buckets and run away screaming or require times in therapy (Ask the folks reading Erha. They will tell you all about it). Chinese stories are often marked with either ‘mistreat’ or ‘sweet’ to tell readers the tone of the stories. Alternative slangs are ‘glass shards’ and ‘candies.’ It’s a very popular modern Chinese writing technique to mix glass shards and candies, and it’s generally believed there are no great stories without ‘glass shards’ in them. The readers need to cry to remember the stories you are telling. So the vast majority of modern Chinese literature is of the ‘glass shards mixed in candies’ variety. Have fun!)  

(**: Common trope in Wuxia and Xianxia genre. This stems from the strict sexual segregation of ancient China and the rigid customs imposed on women. For thousands of years in China, up until the last one hundred years, it was very normal for daughters of wealthy families to never step foot outside their house, or even their personal wing inside their house, until the day of their wedding. And after their wedding, this process is repeated in their husband’s house.

The traditional saying is that there are only three places for women in this world: the ancestral hall, the kitchen, and the bedroom. This saying is even repeated by Jiang Cheng when talking about Jiang Yanli in the novel.

There’s a lot of emphasis on women maintaining extreme unstained virtue. So there used to be ridiculous things like if you see an unwed woman’s face, then you must take responsibility for her, and so forth. In particular dynasties, it also wasn’t strange for blood feuds or even all-out war to occur because some random dudes saw some particularly protected woman’s face… or touch her hair or that sort of thing.)

"So I wanted to try the same setup on the male character Lan Wangji, adding meaning to the forehead band. That moment when one’s ethics and ceremonial morality codes are broken. This feeling of hysterical panic and discombobulation applied to a male character might be very interesting indeed!” (*)

(*: tone / word choice is especially gleeful at seeing Lan Wangji metaphorically having his chastity slip being stolen by Wei Wuxian)    

Translator note: Hmm, this part the vocabulary is a bit more complex and needing extra explanations than the previous two. I worry that a lot of lingual concepts don’t match up to the English words, or that the same concepts don’t exist at all. Ergo, the abundance of notes. I hope it’s not too disruptive.

That said, after this part 3, I will have to stop for a few days. The reason is because... I have to wait (and beg) for the scan of the next page in the interview. You might not know this, but this interview with MXTX was rumored by Japanese fans for a long time. The result is when it was confirmed, the May-June edition of Subaru magazine was sold out in minutes! People queued up for hours and could not buy it. The magazine originally retails for about 10 USD. But now there are people reselling it for 70 USD and there are plenty of people queuing up to buy those too! So of course... even had I tried... I still would not be able to get even a finger nail on this edition. 

Luckily! I am in this Vietnamese MXTX fan group. A “rich sister” in there was able to acquire a copy and shared a scanned page with the rest of us. The magazine is something of a collector item now, much clout, very envy!! That kind! So the rest of us peons have to wait for the next scanned pages. 

To Be Continued (Pray for me...) 

[sag-dab-sar]

This is an Anti-Robert Graves Blog

While researching Robert Graves White Goddess thing to make sure I understood the claims I have realized just how intensely stupid it is, more so than I realized.

Ableist: "Graves believed that one could be in the true presence of the White Goddess when reading a poem, but in his view, this could be achieved only by a true poet of the wild, and not a classical poet, or even a Romantic poet, of whom he spoke critically: "The typical poet of the 19th-century was physically degenerate, or ailing, addicted to drugs and melancholia, critically unbalanced and a true poet only in his fatalistic regard for the Goddess as the mistress who commanded his destiny".[3]" — From wikipedia's page on the book

Racist: "The whiteness of the Goddess has always been an ambivalent concept. In one sense it is the pleasant whiteness of pearl-barley, or a woman’s body, or milk, or unsmutched snow; in another it is the horrifying whiteness of a corpse, or a spectre, or leprosy…. [p. 361]" & "The Goddess is a lovely, slender woman with a hooked nose, deathly pale face, lips red as rowan-berries, startlingly blue eyes and long fair hair [p 10]" .... dude what the fuck.

Eurocentric: "Poetry began in the matriarchal age, and derives its magic from the moon, not from the sun [p. 372]" Art comes from the moon! And the moon is a woman! Meanwhile Anatolia and Japan both have Female Sun deities. The Supreme deity of the Hittite's is The Sun Goddess of Arinna. One of the highest Kami, rulers of Japan trace their ancestry to her, is the Sun Kami Amaterasu-Ōmikami. But those cultures don't count, they don't have deathly pale faces with red lips, and startling blue eyes like the White Goddess does. Also what about the cultures with male moon Gods. Again Japan has Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto, Mesopotamia has Nanna and Sin, Elam has Napir. No poets came from those cultures? Robert are you just that fucking unlearned—while pretending to be a learned scholar—and racist?

Extremely Anti Semetic: "The third stage of cultural development–the purely patriarchal, in which there are no Goddesses at all–is that of later Judaism, Judaic Christianity, Mahomendanism and Protestant Christianity…. [p. 322]" & "Now the Jews are fast turning “liberal” and both they and the Christians are further away than they ever were from the ascetic holiness to which Ezekiel and his Essene successors hoped to draw the world, and after many theological ups and downs we have come to be governed by the unholy triumvirate of Pluto god of wealth, Apollo god of science and Mercury god of thieves….Unless the ascetic Michael can quickly reorganize his scattered legions of angels for a new puritannical campaign of sexless unworldliness, there can be no escape from the present more than usually miserable state of the world [pp 390-1]" did he seriously just say that the shitty state of the world is all the Jews fault because of their male God .... in 1948.

Part of me wants to actually read this book to appreciate how fucking stupid it is. I don't want to waste my money I don't have a digital copy on my library app :\

Wikipedia

Quote Source

[nicklloydnow]

Illustration by @steve_fagiano_art

“Chigurh stands up to God with an unflinching, uncompromising belief in predetermination—no free will or human choice, no mercy or sentiment, no giving in or letting go or giving up. Principled in the purity of his work, he defies sentiment and falsehood and betrayal. A pure born-again agent of death, anti-Christ Calvinist Chigurh is a man of his deadly word, a relentless avenger, an implacable killer defying God, no less than the diabolic Judge in Blood Meridian. "How to prevail over that which you refuse to acknowledge the existence of" lago was never so clear-minded, Ahab no more manically fixated, Kurtz no less obsessed with his mission to exterminate losers. "The horror! The horror!" What more can a man say of pure evil?” - Kenneth Lincoln, ‘Cormac McCarthy: American Canticles’ (2010) [p. 144, 145]

“Chigurh again adopts the Socratic method in his final encounter with his fellow hitman Carson Wells. Although Wells isn't given the privilege of a coin toss, Chigurh nevertheless engages in an incisive dialogue with his victim. While holding Wells at gunpoint, Chigurh asks, "If the rule you followed led you to this of what use was the rule?" When Wells replies, "I don't know what you're talking about," Chigurh elaborates: "I'm talking about your life. In which now everything can be seen at once." Knowing that the moment of death has arrived, Chigurh wants Wells to examine the path that led him here, claiming that the present situation "calls past events into question" (175). Even though Chigurh admits that he and Wells are in the "same line of work," he finds it necessary to distance himself from the other hit-man: "You think I'm like you. That it's just greed. But I'm not like you. I live a simple life" (177). This distinction between the two hired assassins suggests that Chigurh transcends mere criminality. The "simple life" he leads imbues him with the ascetic austerity of a monk pledged to evil, a satanic reversal of traditional, spiritual roles hinted at by other descriptions of Chigurh as a "faith healer" and a "prophet of destruction" (7, 3). In his study of the portrayal of evil in literature and cinema, Paul Oppenheimer points out that evil often "begins in criminality" but then "surpasses criminality, and finally, by comparison with criminality, overwhelms and belittles it, causing it to seem oddly cumbersome and even childish" (21). Chigurh lives by a different "rule," not motivated by the usual spectrum of human desires and thus remaining largely inscrutable.

It is significant that Wells is given a premonition of his own death exactly three days before it takes place. While examining the damage caused by a shootout between Chigurh and Moss at the Eagle Pass motel, Wells notices "two bulletholes in the windowglass" of a "second floor level" apartment across the street. After knocking on the door and receiving no answer, Wells lets himself in and finds the corpse of an old woman: "She'd been shot through the forehead and had tilted forward leaving part of the back of her skull and a good bit of dried brainmatter stuck to the slat of the rocker behind her. . . . A second shot had marked a date on a calendar on the wall behind her that was three days hence" (147). The path of the stray bullet converges with the path of the unsuspecting woman, much as Chigurh's coin converges with the equally unsuspecting gas station owner earlier in the novel. The woman's death reminds Wells of the inexorable machinations of fate: "Not what you had in mind at all, was it darling?" he asks (148). Wells correctly interprets the mark on the calendar as a portent of the day of his own impending death.

During the final encounter, he tells Chigurh, "By the old woman's calendar I've got three more minutes. Well the hell with it. I think I saw all this coming a long time ago. Almost like a dream. Déja vu." Well's words reveal that he had a vision of his own death long before he saw the calendar. Nevertheless, the question posed by Chigurh, namely, "How did you let yourself get in this situation?" suggest that it was still within Wells's power to make different choices, live by a different "rule," and thereby change his fate. Chigurh encourages Wells to engage in a final moment of self-reflection: "I thought you might want to explain yourself. . . . Not to me. To yourself" (178). Chigurh's questions seem to be directing Wells toward something akin to the existentialist concept of authentic existence, which, though "not clearly defined by the existentialists . . . implies an attitude of sincerity and honesty and the absence of self-deception" (de Silva 1). Furthermore, it is a mode of existence based on "a realization that one is what one makes oneself by one's acts" (Manser 20). It is worth mentioning that Sheriff Bell strives for the same realization: "It's a life's work to see yourself for what you really are and even then you might be wrong. And that is somethin I dont want to be wrong about" (295). Despite the fact that Bell and Chigurh are diametrically opposed in a Manichean battle between good and evil, respectively, both men insist on the importance of authentic existence arrived at through knowledge of the self.

Existentialist themes are also apparent in Chigurh's attempts to make his victims come to terms with the inevitability of death. He accuses Wells of believing that he can keep death at bay: "You think that as long as you keep looking at me you can put it off." Wells denies thinking such a thing, but Chigurh insists, "Yes you do. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it. I'm trying to help you" (176). Behind the "existential preoccupation with the theme of death" is the belief that "living authentically is living constantly in its presence, for then alone can we attain 'freedom in the face of death" (Dutt 80). When Wells accuses Chigurh of thinking that he is "outside of everything" and reminds him that he is "not outside of death," Chigurh replies, "It doesnt mean to me what it does to you" (177). The reply can be read in two ways, the surface reading being that Chigurh has adopted an existentialist approach to death. More subtly, however, the words hint at the idea that Chigurh is no ordinary mortal and may perhaps be Death itself, albeit a modern version that carries a pneumatic stun-bolt gun instead of the traditional scythe.

Wells grows weary of the conversation, announcing, "I'm not interested in your opinions. . . . Just do it. You goddamned psychopath. Do it and goddamn you to hell." Despite the verbal command, Wells's body language suggests that he is not quite ready: "He closed his eyes and he turned his head and he raised one hand to fend away what could not be fended away. Chigurh shot him in the face" (177). Although there is some discrepancy between Wells's words and his reaction to the shot, the fact that Wells commands it enables him to reclaim a certain degree of control over his fate, however insignificant it may appear. Furthermore, McCarthy makes a point of informing the reader that the "new day was still a minute away" (178), thereby emphasizing the fact that the old woman's calendar was not entirely accurate. The fact that, by asking Chigurh to shoot him a minute early, Wells refuses to die on the prophesied day suggests that even within a universe ruled by seemingly inexorable forces of fate, minute degrees of free will and personal agency remain.” - Petra Mundik, ‘A Bloody and Barbarous God: The Metaphysics of Cormac McCarthy’ (2016) [p. 268 - 270]

“The Coen brothers built a story of war between two teams: one team represent the human mind wish to understand the world and the second team represent the universe as a chaos. During the first half of the movie the war looks good for the human mind team but then the human mind team lose – a beatiful metaphor for absurdism.

(…)

Result of the war:

Anton kills Carson, Llewelyn is killed by Mexicans, and the sheriff is retired loosing hope in the world.

The Coen brothers message in this film is that they do not think humans mind will ever be able to understand the world and we are doom to internal ignorance. Depressing.”

[goqmir]

hey magic the gatheringers, ive been rebuilding my favorite edh decks and hyperfixating on them lately so i just wanted to make a pretty lil post about them offering them to anyone who wants to play em :) these are my favorite decks right now and ive just run through and adjusted the decklists of all of them in the last couple days so they're fresh and ready to perform <3

the first deck is Rocco Cast From Exile!

the third rework of this decklist with the new cards from CLU really cemented that this is my favorite deck i've ever made. Rocco, Street Chef plays kingpin to a unique Naya value pile built around playing cards from exile!

this deck is similar to Prosper, who is unfortunately the face of Cast From Exile-- but unlike Prosper, this commander and the other options for CFE payoffs you get in Naya are super interesting and cool :) you get [[Feldorn]], [[Pia Nalaar]], [[Quintorius Kand]], as well as fun cheapening effects like [[Liara Portyr]] and [[Tlincalli Hunter]] on top of the delightful cascade effects green gets!

you also get to play around with +1/+1 counters (Rocco might be the best commander of all time at like... putting +1/+1s on specific individual creatures honestly??) and the magic that is food tokens (which are getting stronger and stronger each passing set). furthermore, Rocco impulse draws for your opponents, which means you get to encourage them to make tough decisions! do they play their combo piece from exile, feeding your deck? (Rocco is so efficient that they will soon learn that the answer to that question is almost always no... but you can always pretend that you're playing group hug and giving them free cards until they figure that out!)

this deck gets a lot of mana and builds up a monstrous board state very quickly. as far as individual value pieces go, be on the lookout for [[Jaheria, Friend of the Forest]], [[Inspiring Statuary]], and [[Night of the Sweets' Revenge]] for ways to make an unreal amount of mana. [[Herd Baloth]] and [[Faldorn]] will get you tokens for every card played from exile, and i would say are the main things giving you a monstrous board. don't sleep on the cascaders and thieves either-- every extra card obtained from things like [[Bloodbraid Elf]] or the Etalis net you another Cast From Exile trigger!

Naya Cast From Exile is weird and awesome and I highly recommend playing and building in this design space :) there's a lot of Naya CFE cards that work but I cut from the deck, and they give us more cards and commanders for the archetype all the time. this is definitely my favorite deck i've ever made <3

the second deck i'd like to show off is my Oloro Control decklist!

i've always been the interaction player at the table. you might find that these decklists are a bit heavy on the interaction for you actually-- i truly believe disruption is like. so important. especially when you're playing for value rather than combos like i do ^_^

so here is my dedicated Esper Control decklist! Oloro is there to keep you topped off and to draw you cards-- by playing this deck it really does net you anywhere from 10-40 extra life in a given game in my experience just by playing him. and the card draw on Oloro is pretty insane, enabling you to find the necessary ramp and bombs to end the game after you've disrupted every combo at the table :) personally i don't like Oloro the character very much at all-- don't know why, but he's a little difficult for me to look at. i personally have a custom proxy that replaces Oloro with Grusha :3

this Control deck is all about gaining slow and steady value while ensuring the bad things aren't sent your way. there are some stax pieces here, but not very strict ones-- your goal is to remain innocuous while you get the mana and cards to play your bombs and your opponents hopefully go at each other. the bombs in question are things like [[Debt to the Deathless]], [[Expropriate]], [[Torment of Hailfire]], planeswalkers like [[Sorin Markov]], and creatures that amass you value quickly like [[Drogskol Reaver]] and [[Sunscorch Regent]]. you gain life, shut down your opponents, and force unwinnable situations or knock out opponents with big bombs. it's fun!

the third deck is Vadrok Inevitable Betrayal Combo!

Vadrok here is the final fruit of my obsession with the 0 cmc suspend cards I went through a few months back. after toying with pretty much ever one in turn, Vadrok is the one that stuck around because he plays so interestingly and truly warps your table's metagame if you bring him out enough times.

let's get into the weeds: the combo here is a pretty simple one-- Vadrok is one of (and the only legendary) engine that allows you to play cards from your graveyard without exiling them after, done by mutating. [[Inevitable Betrayal]] is a 0 mana cost blue spell that takes a creature from an opponent's deck and puts it onto the battlefield under your control. The combo, then, is a gradual one: use a spell to discard Inevitable Betrayal, and mutate onto Vadrok. each mutate plays Inevitable Betrayal for free, allowing you to cheat out an opponent's creature each time. this is strong.

the deck features a suite of tutors, a variety of ways to discard cards, and every mutate card in Jeskai (except the one whose mutate cost is six mana :P). the combo is surprisingly low to the ground and quick, allowing for turn one/two discards and turn three Vadrok mutates at times. however, it's often worth waiting to mutate Vadrok onto a creature with Hexproof to ensure little interruption as you swarm the board with your opponents' best hits.

this deck, of course, relies heavily on your opponents' decks then. which is why this deck is so metagame-warping-- even at more casual tables, you'll probably see your friends take their funny eldrazi and craterhoofs out of their decks because you're so prone to winning with them. personally, i find that delightful! i tend to cycle deck usage anyway, so it's cute to steal a bunch of things for a couple weeks, have my opponents edit their decklists to remove my hits, lose interest in the deck, and come back a couple months later and steal the good hits in their new decks, repeat :) its fun having a deck that warps metagames with its presence alone.

the final deck id like to talk about is my Silvar and Trynn Humans decklist!

mardu is delightful and for the longest time i couldn't find a mardu commander i ever wanted to build! finally though, i stumbled across these two :) the art on them is so gorgeous! i love ikoria.

this deck is very fun! the only typal deck on the list, humans is a very fun type to build around and you get access to so many bangers in mardu. this deck is all about building a board of as many humans as you possibly can, then sacking them all to put 17 +1/+1 counters on Silvar and start swinging for commander lethal. how that is done is different every game, with so many fun human pieces and interaction pieces that each game feels very distinctly different from the last more so than any of the other decks discussed on this post. furthermore, mardu offers my favorite interaction suite of all time, so it's always a pleasure to play with.

teehee anyway thats my decks ive been hyperfixating on! feel free to give em a try :) sqrrk!!

[incorrectmahabharatquotes]

HI! I've been reading through some old posts and i was wondering if you could explain how Arjun did raas with lord krishna? <3

Hello!

So the bit you're referring to is not actually from the Mahabharat. It's from the Padma Purana's pātāla-khanda.

This tiny story is a part of the dialogue that occurs between two people in the future as is the typical narrative style of these tales. It goes something like:

Arjun is curious to know all sorts of details about the raas-leela- where does it happen, how many gopis are there, who are they etc etc. Krishna is cryptic, as usual, and tells him that a man simply cannot perceive it even if the said man is more precious to him than life itself to him. Therefore, it's no use asking. Arjun is Disappointed™. Krishna is soft for him so he tells him it's fine and that he shouldn't worry about it because he'll see for himself. Then he instructs him to go to a goddess(Tripāsundari, to be exact) who will help him.

Arjun goes to her, prays to her and calls to her. She appears, pleased by his devotion and adoration. She also asks him a rhetorical question, that I personally find funny, which basically is along the lines of "What makes you so special that Krishna is letting you have this one thing that no other mortal, deity or ascetic can have?" She doesn't wait for an answer, because I think she already knew and then proceeds to give Arjun a list of prayer related tasks to worship her properly. After he follows her instructions, she and her friend show him Radha's house and vrindavan. Then she tells him to take dip in an auspicious lake and he does and emerges as a beautiful woman.

(At this point, I will be using she/her pronouns for Arjun/Arjuni because that's what the story says.)

Arjuni rises from the lake, having forgotten everything about her male self. There's a lot of poetic waxing about how alluring and attractive her voice, physicality and personality are. She happens upon a bunch of women(the gopis, obviously) who are equally as beautiful and charming as her. All the gopis are very lovely, actually and ask her who she is and how she happened to end up there and kind of soothe Arjuni's anxiety and then all of them introduce themselves. They say that they used to sages in their past life and are now gopis who participate in raas leela with Krishna.

They take her to lake, play with her, bathe her etc etc. It's all VERY sapphic, trust me. There's also a lot of praying involved. After the initiation is over, Arjuni meets Radha. More praying and devotion.

Pleased by all this devotion, Krishna asks Radha to bring Arjuni to him who promptly breaks out into sweaty excitement upon seeing him.

(Okay, now, I guess I'm obligated to inform you that what follows is very...sexual in nature. BUT a lot of Indian spiritual texts consider the sexual and the spiritual to be interconnected. Take from this what you will, I guess.)

The text goes on to describe Krishna's body in HEAVY detail (including equating his thighs to tree trunks?) that makes me genuinely worried that whoever wrote this was incredibly horny. He takes her hand and they um... participate in the leela.

When it's over, Arjuni is Exhausted from all the activity and Krishna tells her to go take a dip in the lake again. She does.

(Back to he/him pronouns people, keep up.)

Arjun surfaces and is dejected from the loss of something so wonderful. Krishna consoles him by saying that they are Dear Friends, as the historians say, and that only he knows something that no one else in three loka does. And if Arjun tells anyone what he has experienced he will curse Krishna. Again, hilarious because if you remember I said that this story is being told to us in a dialogue of TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Which means other people already know. Clownery of the highest order, really.

And then they go home. The end?

I hope this helps. I paraphrased a lot but I couldn't just paste the entire thing here. I've given you all the tools to go search for orginal text and translation yourself.

TL: DR Arjun gets instant lake-HRT for one night, participates in the raas-leela, and then goes home.

-Mod S

[wormsngods]

Thought # 1

Finished the Original Sources of the Quran. Disappointing read the author was bigotted to everyone but his own christian beliefs and was not academically honest to even acknowledge the debt owed by his faith to older faith traditions whilst accusing muslims of doing this (as if the Israiliyyat tradition he kept citing wasn't a thing)

Thought # 2

Read the Arabic Infancy Gospel. Hilarious how western academics take it for granted that this text was written before the Quran, was prevalent in the largely illiterate population of the hejaz and influenced the Quranic position on Jesus Christ eventhough the only 2 manuscripts we have are from 1299 and the 1500s in Iraq which makes it far far far more plausible that the text was influenced by the Quran. Obviously academia doesn't care.

Thought # 3

Ascetics are selfish irresponsible men who don the garb of saints. What they deem selfless sacrifice is merely a selfish devotion to self glorification. Thought of this while reading a Hagiography of Baba Farid al Din Ganj i Shakar where he scolds his wife for telling him that their son was dying from hunger and interrupted his penance. Reminded me of how irresponsible narcissistic parents paint themselves as martyrs to kids who never asked to be born

Had an uneventful day otherwise. Two of my friends follow each other on here now so waiting to see how that turns out.

Planning on completing my notes for CNS drugs today and adding books to my kindle. Might make a reading list consisting of books my ancestors might have read at various points in history.

[blackknight-100]

hi hi 🌧️for the WIP asks

Thank you for the ask! <3

🌧 Share something angsty from your wip.

So, this one is from The Daughter of the Mountains, which is a fic about Durga killing Mahisha and coming into her power. This is set right after Mahadeva tells her about Sati and belief that they are destined to wed.

Gauri hears him out in silence. She is not surprised at this morbid history, nor even at the revelation of their nature - in fact, she startles herself with her lack of fear.

Hara is still talking, low and quiet as ever, the warm timbre of it raising the hairs on her arms. "It is how it is, Gauri," he says, "and what has happened is past. I tell you this so you will never hear it elsewhere and be afraid - I will not put supposed destiny over you. It is only that I mislike being kept in the dark, and this was kept from me for a long time."

"Hari knew, I suppose?"

Hara laughs. It is soft and sad, tinged with acceptance of betrayal, and Gauri knows.

"Perhaps," she says, "he does this so you will not tell me."

"Maybe," Hara shrugs. "He is quaint, like all of us. But I will not keep such things from you."

At least, Gauri thinks bitterly, someone is on my side.

But not in the way she wants. Not in the way they are destined to be.

They sit together in silence for a while. Gauri tries to turn her mind from him - what woman, indeed, would yearn so shamelessly for a man so austere and ascetic? But the more she wills away, the more they come: these distant, unreachable dreams. Her and him, in some shadowed cave upon her frosty home, warm in each other's arms, watching the falling snow. Her and him, hunting for the last of winter's stores, kneeling together to scrape the meat and cure the hide. Her and him, and him and her, together, for all of eternity.

Hara stands, and for a moment Gauri thinks he knows her mind, but then he bows and says, "I will leave you to your training. Do not be afraid, lady. Fate or no fate, there is nothing I will seek from you."

Gauri nods and watches him walk away. What a gentlemanly thing to do! - she is certain there is no dearth of men or asuras (or even devas) who would not have hesitated to take advantage of this situation to lay claim upon her. Her father and brother would not stand for it, but the devas, who upheld order, who were cornered and angry and homeless and lost, would. And then, if they could not be convinced, they would die, and Gauri would wed some stranger still draped in her father and brother's funeral clothes.

In this, Hara is exemplary, like in all other things. He has spared her great troubles and terrible misfortunes. Gauri should be grateful.

Gauri is not. As she watches him leave, all she does is long for her cheek upon his hoary skin, and his dreadlocks between her fingers. The sun sets as he disappears into the shadow of the forest, and Gauri, like some lovelorn maiden, presses her hand to her face and weeps.

[hapan-in-exile]

Volume 3 - Post #5: What did the wall ever do to you? [M]

Another installment in this ongoing serialized fanfic

Genre: Mandalorian x Fem! Reader

Total word count: 2.8K (of 45K total in Volume 3)

Rating: Explicit - smut, language, *NSFW*

__________________________________________

V. This is probably the most luxurious, and yet shady hotel that you’ve ever stayed at…pretty perfect for the clientele of Daiyu City. It's all very minimalist, with polished surfaces and elegant fabrics. In fact, the whole establishment seems a rich extravagance for such an ascetic man who usually slept on the ground, sitting propped against a wall.

But the outsized cushy mattress is not why Mando booked a room here.

The windows are tinted and reflective from the outside—though the neon haze of the city lights and rooftop signs still cast a pale glow over the Beskar armor while he sits watching the street below through his scope. 

As an added precaution, all the room’s lamps are turned off. It's entirely dark except for a pool of soft pink light from the hotel's marquee that emanated over the white bedsheets and blankets. You pull off your gloves and weave the rosy glow between your fingers, finding it difficult not to grow fidgety as you sit waiting with nothing to do. 

Some movement from across the room catches your attention. You catch sight of yourself in a gold-marbled mirror mounted to the wall and barely recognize the figure in front of you. Hidden behind layers of black leather, glass, and metal...she could be anyone.

Removing your visor, you pull off the hood and shake out your mane of long hair. There you are.

And what had been the point of all that effort playing dress up?

Ryun Vos certainly didn't believe you were some fearsome mercenary working alongside the Mandalorian. He clocked you immediately as a charity case, clinging to his shadow for protection.

In the end, you'd just proven to be a liability.

Falling back onto the bed in a huff, you tuck both arms under your head and stare at the ceiling. Ugh, you smell so gross…like stress sweat. 

And you don’t really want to lie here indefinitely watching Mando surveilling the apartment across the street. Waiting for Morigan to show up.

That Anzati woman. You didn’t ask the Mandalorian about her. But from how Ryun Vos reacted when Mando suggested her for the job—and by the way she looked at him—you can just tell they had some kind of history. 

"Always a pleasure doing business with you, Mando."

You’re not jealous, exactly. Just insecure. She's everything the bounty hunter wanted from your performance today. And it turns out, you’re not a very good imitation. 

Speaking of Vos…

“I need to take a shower after our…that man makes my skin crawl.” You sit up and rub your hands over your face. “I feel like I just survived wandering through a minefield.”

“Now?!” Mando asks irritably without looking away from the scope. “What if Morig—”

A deafening voice screams inside your head. You don’t want to hear him say her name.

“Come on, Mando,” you scoff, getting to your feet. “If something does happen, you’ll spring into action and leave me behind anyway.” 

This time, he does turn to look at you.

“Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry.” 

Gods, he's right. You are a terrible liar.

“Yes, you are," he insists. "You put your hands on your hips when you’re angry.”

Immediately, you lift your hands from your hips and cross them over your chest.

“I’m just…uncomfortable. I need a shower.”  

“I don’t think we have time for—”

“I’ll be quick.”

“Oh yeah?” He asks skeptically. “How long will it take you to get out of that suit? I told you to tie something to the zipper.”

“Are you offering to help? Or would you rather sit there and watch me struggle to get it off?”

The image of your body writhing around on the bed in frustration with your hands behind your back springs to mind. And it's not the first time you’ve wondered if that’s something he might be into — what with being a hunter and all. 

You might not be allowed to touch him…but maybe he’d feel more comfortable if he could tie you down…if he were in control…

You’ve lost track of how long this awkward silence has dragged out. 

“It’s fine. I, um…I’m flexible.” You blanch. “To reach the zipper, I mean!” 

Mortified, you jump up and rush to the bathroom.

“I don’t think—” he growls after you.

“Aren’t you supposed to be watching him, Mando? He could have been kidnapped while you sat there scolding me.”  

As soon as the door closes behind you, you slide your back against the lacquered wood and collapse into a puddle on the floor. Why do you let him have this effect on you? Why does he turn you into a babbling toddler throwing a tantrum?

Get your shit together!   

While not graceful or efficient, you hop and wriggle and reach until you manage to get out of the body suit. With the zipper undone, it peels off your body like a second skin. You turn it inside out, hoping the sweat will dry quickly before you have to put it back on again.

What about your underwear? The fabric is damp and slick with your come. Maker, did it only take the thought of him tying you up to get you this wet…

You step into the fresher, trusting that the rush of water will drown out the sound of you masturbating. You imagine yourself with the courage to make that kind of offer to him—tie me up, tie me to the bed—as your hand drifts slowly down your stomach, between your thighs to where your swollen clit rises up to meet the brush of your fingertips. It strains against your touch, sensitive with need. 

You remember the feeling of his bare hand tracing over the apex of your thighs, probing the heat and slickness of your core. How he had slipped one long slender finger inside you…how he’d gasped, discovering just how wet you were…how wet he made you.

Like now, just thinking about him…the hot water pouring from the shower cascades over your skin, making you flush with heat, your nipples bud and tighten. Drawing your middle finger in a line between your center, you pause, poised to dip into your aching cunt. 

You’re so wet, you can barely feel it. You need more. More girth, more pressure. You need to feel full and stretched.

Having seen his cock…having felt it thick and swollen, pressed against your stomach…you know what it would do to you. And the aching builds.

While you've tried to be mindful of your professional ethics, you have, nonetheless, committed his dick to memory. A shade of brown that's darker than his soft golden skin. He's uncut, and you wonder what it might feel like to slide that velvety sheath down over his shaft to lick the pink head of his cock.

You add another finger, pressing your head and shoulders into the cool tile of the shower stall. You groan and grind into your hand, desperate to feel the waves of pleasure crest over your body and give you some relief.

Every muscle in your body tenses with anticipation, but when you finally come—frantically thrusting and curling your fingers inside you—no sense of calm or easing follows. Just more yearning. Your stomach knotted with tension, shame, and guilt. 

You punch the tile with your wet fist. “Fuck his Creed and fuck his Way.” 

Instead of clearing your head and unburdening your mind, hot tears mix together with the water falling over your cheeks. You've never experienced this kind of rejection before.

If someone you're drawn to isn't into you, it's a casual thing to brush off. And relationships that did extend past a one-night stand usually just fell apart in an amicable sort of way, with things having run their course. It's never felt like this before, like a knife twisting in your chest.

It's fucking humbling, is what it is...

In the end, crying turns out to be a better form of release. And when you step out of the bathroom, you feel more prepared to face the Mandalorian again. 

Morigan must have collected Ozan Sango while you were in the shower because Mando's no longer sitting poised and vigilant at the window. Instead, he's slouched against the chair with his feet resting on the edge of the bed. You tip-toe out of the bathroom and keep your movements quiet so as not to wake him.

“I’m not asleep.” 

You jump out of your skin and snap at him in irritation. “Well, how the fuck would I know.” 

“Still angry then.” He sits up straighter. “Look, if this is about Vos—”

“What?” Ryun Vos is the furthest thing from your mind right now, but it's a better excuse than being lovesick. “I mean, yeah, he got under my skin. Still...I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry.”

“Who says I don’t deserve it?”

You roll your eyes. His gallantry is always tinged with this weird masochism—like he wanted to be punished.

Hell, maybe he’s the one who likes getting tied up? This would explain why women like Morigan caught his eye. Women who are the exact opposite of you...the humanoid equivalent of that down comforter he's got crushed under his muddy boots right now.    

Sigh. At least you’re good for something. There's nothing worse than being useless.

“Can I heal your broken ribs?” you ask timidly.

“I’m fine,” he says flatly.

“Mando, I thought we’d gotten past this.”

“It’s not that. I just…don’t remove any of my armor while I’m on the job.”

“Hard to argue with that," you smirk at him. "The Beskar might be the only reason your guts aren’t spilled all over Vos’s carpet.”  

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” the Mandalorian says wryly, his voice warm and teasing.

You take that as an invitation to approach him. In response, he places his feet back on the ground and leans forward in his seat.

“You don’t need me to tell you you’re a fucking force of nature, Mando. But you’re also not invincible.” To make your point, you poke his side before he can snatch your hand away.

“Ah!” He barks at you, cradling his ribcage. “I never said I wasn’t injured.”

You laugh playfully, "I can't believe I landed a body blow against the mighty Mandalorian."

When you raise a finger to launch another attack, he catches your hand in his. "Believe it's because I let you."

And this is why you're totally fucked. Not five minutes ago, this man had you crying on the floor of the bathroom from sexual frustration, and now you're staring at him wide-eyed while he holds your hand.

“If you don't want to take off your armor, I could maybe...just touch your chin…” you suggest tentatively. “Under the helmet.”

He'd pulled you closer when catching your hand, and you find yourself standing with your knees brushing against the side of his muscular thigh. For fucksake, you even like the way he sits with his legs splayed wide.

You look down. For some reason, he's still holding your hand.

“Alright,” Mando concedes, then clears his throat. “Would you put some clothes on first?”

“What?” 

He took a deep sigh and let go of your hand. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be inside my head right now.”

You take a peek in the mirror to check on the towel wrapped securely under your arms. It's a thick, plushy bath towel that didn’t gape or reveal anything.

Okay, forget the BDSM fantasies and remember who this man is for a minute. He might honestly be the first person to encourage you to cover up more.

“Oh! Sorry. I’m just waiting for…I wiped down my suit, and it's…I’m letting it dry. I’m not…I wasn’t trying to…” You decide to just blunder on through it. “Things like nudity and physical expression are a lot more socially accepted in my culture. I realize Mandalorians are more…conservative with your affection, but...”

You can’t tell if Mando is horrified or else just laughing at you under that helmet. 

“I promise I wasn’t scheming to seduce you.” Is the explanation you land on.

“It's fine.” He stands up abruptly and takes back your hand, lifting your fingers towards his throat and tilting his chin so that you can reach under the Beskar to place your palm beneath his jaw. 

Taken by surprise at the sudden intimacy, you shake your head a little to refocus on your task. It doesn’t take long to reknit the bones—though it is distracting trying not to notice your pinky finger resting against his earlobe.

Holding his face like this felt dangerously close to the prelude of a kiss. A kiss you'll never share with him. A reminder that behind the real and imagined armor, he's a man starving to be touched. 

“All done,” you mumble quietly. 

The Mandalorian draws in a sharp breath as your fingertips trail the length of his jaw, and his whole body stiffens. The delicacy of your touch was only meant to avoid disturbing his helmet. You should step away from him, but somehow, you're rooted to the spot.

Then, you feel his consciousness pressing against your thoughts. Expecting to see another image of his mother or childhood, you're shocked to instead see a flash of his memory of ... you.

Straddling his hips, he looked down at your bare breasts as he pressed them together between his hands.

Before you see more, he grips your wrist roughly.

“Don’t,” he says in warning. 

“Sorry!” You gasp, flustered, and immediately, you look down at your feet. “I know you want to pretend like it didn’t happen.” 

He remains silent for a long time, standing there with your wrist still held in his grip. When he finally speaks, his voice sounds so distant. “I don’t know what else to do.” 

The heartbreak in his words felt so unfair that your head snaps up to look directly into his view plate. “Why not?”

His free hand grips your other wrist, pulling you against him.

“Because I want you,” he's practically shouting. You blink nervously against the tears welling up. Mando's breathing comes out shallow and ragged, "And I can’t have you."

Is this what you were after? To find some kind of validation in his pain and heartache? Are you really so selfish?

“I’m sorry, Mando. This is all my fault,” you tremble, holding back more tears. “I didn’t give you a lot of choice when I threw myself at you—”

“Enough. It wasn’t like that...I was…" he sighed again. "I didn’t expect to feel…I was worried about you, and I got carried away. But it wasn’t just you.”

“Hmmf, you're always coming to my rescue," you smile meekly. "I guess you did use your…sexy voice. And asking to devour me, I mean—”

“My what voice?” he scoffs.

“Your voice drops into this low, husky register when you’re—I know you know when you’re doing it.” 

“If you say so,” he chuckles quietly, and it feels like the sun piercing through a rainstorm.

“I can understand that you’d like to go back to how things were…before,” you say, looking up at him. “And I promise to be more mindful of your boundaries if…if..."

If you want him to be open and vulnerable with you, then you have to hold yourself to those same expectations.

"Will you promise not to ice me out, Mando? If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, please just tell me. I would really appreciate it if we could extend the trust we’ve built to include being honest about our thoughts and feelings, too?”  

He nods, and you sense a growing tension in his body. “There’s something I need to say to you…I shouldn’t have risked bringing you with me to see Vos. I didn’t realize that he would connect what happened on Danvar and—”

“I know you want to keep me safe, Mando,” you say, trying to alleviate some of his guilt and reassure him. “But this whole scheme against Tagge Corp won’t work if you don’t believe I’m capable of withstanding men like Ryun Vos.” 

This is the wrong thing to say, apparently because the tone in his voice becomes stern.

“Thulani, I know you’re very capable…but your powers didn’t protect you from that knife. I did."

"What are you trying to say?"

"You almost died because of me, and you don’t seem to be very upset about it. Do you not understand what kind of risk I took with your life?”

“You saved my life. I never doubted that you’d protect me.”

The Mandalorian steps away to begin pacing the room in aggravation.

“Why do you sound so grateful when I was the one who put you in danger?”

“Mando—"

“Can't you see I didn't protect you? I let Vos use you, and it almost got you killed." And before you grasp what's happening, he had punched a hole in the wall.

“The fuck?” you gasp, mouth hanging open. “Mando, this place is fancy. If I knew your actual name, I would yell it at you. Why are you acting like this?”

He didn't answer.

"I agreed to Vos's terms. And I can take responsibility for my own judgment. But I wouldn't have walked onto that ship if I didn't trust that you would save me."

“Put your clothes on," the Mandalorian growls. "We're leaving." 

**************************

Continue reading Volume 3 - Post #6: You can find me in the Club

Back to Volume 3 - all posts

[libbee]

Dangers of the Abyss

Intro = Does this image stir something in you? Some emotion, thought, memory? Perhaps fear. What we cannot express in words, we express in symbols and images. Images are not mere pixels but they are emotionally charged and they exist in our minds too. After all, our eyes are like cameras, mind is like camera film, memory is like storage space. The unconscious world can be accessed via your mental images, fantasies, visions, dreams, thoughts, emotions, memory. Some of the tools we use to explore the unconscious are writing, art, active imagination, tarot cards and alchemy. Some of the ways we know unconscious exists is synchronicities, projection and spiritual awakenings.

World of the unconscious = Few things are as tempting as exploring the 4th, 8th and 12th houses in astrology. Especially when you find yourself at the outskirts of healing, you are sucked into these areas of life and may lose touch with the material world. When the native is so engrossed in spiritual work or shadow work that they are obsessed with it and do it compulsively everyday, that is when you know that they have crossed the limits of what is healthy for them. Astrology, spirituality, occult, esoteric and mysticism (for eastern audience), new age tools (for western audience) can be very tempting in times of turbulence. This is why when life is out of control (eg, divorce or break up, disease or accident, money or career problems) we run to astrologers/psychics/healers, even if we were atheist or anti-theist otherwise. What is unseen, intangible and unknown resides in the unconscious and these 3 houses in astrology are the mining holes for the unconscious. They represent the collective unconscious, personal unconscious (or the subconcious mind) and bringing them to the light of the day is called awareness/enlightenment.

3. Curious case of Friedrich Nietzsche = Though history does not report why Nietzsche went insane, many report (including Carl Jung) that Nietzsche went so far into self exploration that he could not come back to the material life. That he went so deep into the unconscious that he could not pull himself out of it and completely submerged with the unconscious. Do you see how dangerous it is to do shadow work? Though whether Nietzsche could be reborn or not is not something we can decide, for it was his life path and his destiny. Though he lost himself in the darkness, at least he wrote some great books, at least he excavated some pearls from the ocean for the rest of us. It is to be noted that Nietzsche had ketu/south node in the 7th house which can signify his unsuccessful love life, solitude/loneliness and also had sun in the 12th house.

"...Nietzsche would be just about as grateful to his rescuers as somebody who has jumped into the water to drown himself and has been pulled out by some fool of a coastguard. I have seen Nietzsche in states in which he seemed – horrible to say – as though he were only pretending to be mad, as though he were glad to have ended this way!” Peter Gast, The Madness of Nietzsche by Erich Podach

4. We the regulars = But we the regular, the common, the laymen people who cannot afford to be lost in the unconscious world, who have school/college/job, family/relations/marriage, money/food/shelter to take care - we need a foundation to navigate the material life alongside the spiritual life. Unless you are an ascetic sitting in a cave, browsing tumblr in your lunch break before the 10 hour meditation session, we know that you have a full life with many dimensions to take care of. And it is for those of us to learn to balance the material and spiritual life

5. Doing it alone = Whether a therapist or a family member or a friend or a loved one, anyone who can keep you grounded in the real world, bring you back to the daily life, keep you rational when you are losing touch with reality and guide you when you are losing track can be helpful. Though shadow work is a solitary process, we still need somebody else to give us objective judgment, tell whether we are biased in our judgment and guide us with their own wisdom and experience. This is why 4th/8th houses also deal with generations, ancestors, inheritance, history because it is only by standing upon the shoulder of the giants that you can make progress in your life. We may think we know it all intuitively/alone, but the more we learn the more we discover how little we know. "Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." - Chanakya, Indian polymath

6. Psychic content is reality = I am very fond of this interview of Carl Jung. What Jung meant to say here is that the events of psyche are as real as the material life. For instance, if you celebrate your birthday on a certain date with your friends, you call it reality. But if you think about celebrating your birthday with your friends, you call it daydream and not reality. This is where Jung says that even the world in your mind is as real and valid as the world outside. So whether you celebrate your birthday in physical world or mental world, both are equally valid and real. So, when the mental world is as encompassing, satisfying and real as the physical world, it is very easy and tempting to spend your whole life in the mind. In the modern world, the addiction to social media, internet, video games and T.V. is similar to living in your mind (unless you are using technology to do your job and make money).

7. Being clueless and inexperienced = The baby witches often ask minute questions on spells, tools and energy. Do you work in coven or are you a solitary witch? Are you a family astrologer or the first in your family? Do you visit a psychologist or do your own therapy in your journal? If the answer to all these questions is the latter of the two, then you may have begun from a place where you were clueless, inexperienced and confused. Perhaps you learned from trial and error, perhaps you did hours of research, perhaps you felt like you were not meant for it, but what we do know is that being clueless and inexperienced in the world of the unconscious can have serious drawbacks and dangers. The most dangerous is the mental and emotional impact of practices that do not make your life better rather pull you in a rut.

8. Solutions = Solutions are very simple, so simple that we may dismiss it, but learning to keep a balance between material life (school/college/self care/job/ family/responsibilities) and the spiritual life (shadow work/alchemy/exploring the unconscious/self actualization) is crucial. Next solution is to be able to identify the psychic contents with mindfulness and living in the present moment - this comes with practice, perhaps months or years of practice before one can calm down the restlessness to stay mindful. Next solution is to really understand your mental process. Mind is a beautiful thing, do not deal with it lightly. Just like you would arrange, clean, organize, beautify your physical space, you also have to arrange, organize and keep your mental space neat and clean. Next solution is to what I mentioned earlier in a post to keep marking mistakes and correct decisions for yourself, to use reasoning, logic, common sense, decision making, routine (rather than be emotional thinker, magical thinker, impulsive and reckless). In short, think BEFORE you act and not the vice versa. The exploration of the unconscious is systematic and organized, it is not careless and impulsive.

9. Conclusion = So, if you are a first generation astrologer or witch or healer or trauma cycle breaker, be very vigilant of your limits and structure. I have written about psychosis before which can induce when the native is not mentally prepared for the psychological adventure of healing and actualization. Psychoanalysis, spiritual practices and occult practices are parallels to each other and if you feel like you are called into any of these interests, please make sure you have your physical life in order, lest you want to reach rock bottom again and again. I am speaking from experience that being first time clueless healer, psychoanalysis made my life even more complicated instead of magically improving it. I thought I had hit rock bottom in physical life but I did not know yet that even rock bottom has a basement that I hit with clueless psychoanalysis and spiritual practices. It was like this diagram for me:

It felt like I was making great progress with shadow work and psychoanalysis, it felt like I hit the jackpot and all my problems would be explained/solved but it took me a lot of time to realize that it takes immense responsibility to tackle the world of the unconscious and it is not mere for fun and games, rather it can really disturb your life and make you dysfunctional in the material world.