#he's fine after this . mostly.
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congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#these took so long i kept getting distracted cries#but they r done and this is yuuji's post canon scar map to me. argue with a wall we should have had this#looks at canon this sign won't stop me bc i cant read >:(#smh robbed!!!!!! the potential!!!!! the aesthetic!!!!! th angst the symbolism!!!!!!#gege i respect u i do not want beef after u let my boys live#but u rly couldnt have scuffed him up a LITTLE more.....there were so many to choose from didnt u have a favourite.....#all he has to show fr all that r two little scratches. rly.#((not counting the ear n fingers thank god i get That much))#anyway i made a whole post abt why i think yuuji should have kept the scars n what it would have stood for symbolically#its along th same lines as the yuuji Big Face Scar agenda hh i just care a lot abt character design n visual storytelling ok#anyway fine he can keep the eye but in this house it grew back wrong it's lighter and foggy and now his prescription is stronger#as fr the rest#megumi has dibs on the upper right eye apparently so yuuji can have the bottom half#i would have doubled down on the scars on his left but a. the right side is the symbolic one#b. he healed an entire eye so it makes sense tht he'd heal other more minor injuries as well#c. tbh it's mostly based on what looked good i think this arrangement guides the eye across his face nicely#gave him a lil nose nick bc smth smth sukuna idk it's just there to balance things out#also as i said. the jaw and neck scar are there for kissing purposes i make the rules im salty and i do what i want smile#in other news thank u past hina fr doing those hair render studies im very happy with my yuuji hair as of late
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Ghostly Host AU
So! Ghosts need a physical Anchor in the living world, or they are liable to fall apart and fade away if they stay for too long.
In Amity Park, this usually isn't too much of a problem. Sure most Ghosts can't stay for a week without a Host, but the ambient Ecto-Levels in Amity Park are enough that they can stay for a few days or so at a time with little worry.
This changes however, during Reign Storm.
When Pariah Dark awakens, Tens of Thousands of Ghosts use the Fenton Portal to escape the Rule of Pariah Dark, running away into the Human Realm.
If Amity Park had stayed where it was, this would have been fine. They could have stayed in the Living Realm for a few days, and maybe the Weaker ones would need to find a temporary Host, but that was fine since Amity was filled with thousands of Liminals.
Unfortunately, Pariah Darks first move was to suck Amity Park into the Ghost Zone, alongside all of the Ecto-Energy that had accumulated there.
Now left trapped in the Living Realm with no way back to the Zone, thousands of Ghosts suddenly needed Hosts or they would start dying off by the Hundreds. In a Panic, they spread out across the Planet in search of viable Hosts.
Any normal Person wouldn't do, they needed a Living Being that could actually handle their Power, or someone who matched their Soul. Preferably both. Liminals were the best since they had a durable Body and a Malleable Soul, so any Ghost could use any of them as a Host.
But outside of Amity Liminals were very rare, and finding someone who matched their Soul was time-consuming and hard. Thankfully, in recent years the population of Aliens, Metahumans, Enhanced Soldiers, and even extra durable baseline Humans had spiked across the world.
All across the planet, People suddenly found themselves stuck with a new Passenger in their Bodies.
Those new passengers thankfully weren't malicious, for the most part, but it was still annoying. The only good thing was that they now had new Powers, which neat.
They could summon the Ghosts in their Body outwardly, and then command the Ghost to use their Powers in whatever way they wanted. Only other Hosts could see another person's Ghost, which meant they looked very awkward to normal people when they fought. Generally, Hosts seemed to act more strangely after getting a Ghost, as if they lost a few of their Inhibitions.
Why did they feel the sudden need to strike a flamboyant Pose? Or over dramatically scream?
#Dpxdc#Dp x dc#Dcxdp#Dc x dp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Host AU#Ghostly Host AU#Tens of Thousands of Ghosts were suddenly released onto the world in desperate need of Host Anchors to survive#Not all of them survived long enough to find one#The Ghosts basically act as Stands#That's basically the main reason I made this#I wanted to make a Jojo's reference#The Ghosts mostly end up in Hosts that suit them the most#Spectra ended up with Hugo Strange#Skulker ended up with Deathstroke#Ember ended up with Black Canary#Johnny and Kitty actually got seperate#Kitty was stuck in the Ghost Zone when it all happened while Johnny was stuck in the Human World#Johnny ended up with Jason Todd#Kitty asked for help in finding him and ended up bonding with Jazz again so they can search#You can see where thats going#Danny is his own Host as a Halfa so he is fine#Sam becomes the unwilling Host of Undergrowth#Tucker becomes Host of his own Past Lives somehow#Who would end up with Superman? He would be a sought after Host by virtue of his fame#You know what would be funny?#Box Ghost ends up with Superman#Lunch Lady ends up with Lois Lane cause for some reason she is a good enough Host
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Bingqiu roleswap where disciple Shen Yuan knows he's gay, and figures out that he has a big huge crush on his handsome Shizun, but also concludes nearly at once that he's not going to be drawing Luo Binghe's eye any time soon. Firstly, Luo Binghe is notoriously straight. Secondly, even if he weren't, he wouldn't go for his scrawny untalented nerd of a disciple! Shen Yuan's not bad looking, not before or after transmigrating, but he's neither a beautiful nor a hot manly man, and he assumes if Luo Binghe were into dudes he'd be into the same kinds of twunks that Shen Yuan likes. Guys on his own level, etc etc.
Plus Luo Binghe hated the original disciple Shen, and only started to warm up to the transmigrated version after Shen Yuan got injured in front of him trying to stop the other disciples on the peak from killing a small animal. For some reason, Luo Binghe brought Shen Yuan medicine. He got even nicer after Shen Yuan distracted the skinner demon by trying to convince it to take his skin instead of Luo Binghe's, and then again when Shen Yuan successfully fought off a demon invader -- though initially when Luo Binghe volunteered him for that job, he thought it was an assassination attempt. His heart was in his throat when Luo Binghe nearly took a poisoned blow for him, but luckily he reacted more quickly and got hit by the thorns instead. His heavenly demon blood took care of the poison, and he managed to convince everyone that he narrowly avoided getting cut at all.
Shen Yuan's careful not to read anything into it when Luo Binghe finds out about his, erm, uncomfortable dormitory situation and moves him into the side room, or when he completely messes up trying to make dinner and Luo Binghe takes over cooking and bans him from the kitchen (he swears he's not actually that bad at cooking, he just never had to use a kitchen without a microwave or an electric hot plate before...)
After all, it's not like Luo Binghe is cooking for him, he's just making food he likes and letting Shen Yuan eat it too! Because he's nice! He's way nicer than the book gave him credit for being, see, clearly Shen Yuan was correct in signing up for his defense squad, "top ten worst villains of all time" his ass that poll was nonsense...
Unfortunately, though, the plot's still gotta plot. Shen Yuan is heartbroken when the Immortal Alliance Conference rolls around and his shizun stabs him and throws him down into the Endless Abyss. Heartbroken, but not surprised. After all, it was always going to go this way, wasn't it?
But at least, now that it's done, he has some agency in how he reacts to it. He's changed the story enough that he doesn't need to go get revenge. Maybe Luo Binghe's still the villain of his story, maybe that was inevitable, but some heroes let the villains get away. Don't they? It's all part of that noble, breaking the cycle of abuse type stuff. He can be that kind of hero. He can let it go. As long as he avoids Luo Binghe altogether, it should be fine, right? It's not like he's obligated to turn people into human sticks. He asked the system, he's definitely not!
Technically he's not even required to conquer the demon realms. He just has to get out of the Abyss and the be sufficiently cool and/or tragic. Conquest is just one means of doing that, and not even Shen Yuan's preferred, since he doesn't exactly want to rule over anybody. Going around the demon realms beating up some jackasses and rescuing some damsels in distress and becoming sworn brothers with Shang Qinghua, one of the current demon kings, is suitable. He definitely doesn't want to marry any of the damsels he encounters (thank fuck the system lets him off the hook for that!)
But eventually he has to go back to the human world. Not only is it mandated by the system, but he also misses living there. The demonic realms are in many ways better than expected, plus a lot of the monsters are really cool, but he misses the weather and plants and the people he's more accustomed to being around.
He misses Qing Jing Peak, if he's being honest with himself. Shizun's cooking and the bamboo forest and the crisp mountain breezes, the comforts of home.
Not that he can actually go back there in specific. Of course not. If he did that, Luo Binghe would try to kill him, or else the system would try and make him kill Luo Binghe. Bad ideas all around. No, he can't go back to Qing Jing Peak, but he can go find someplace nicer than the demon realms at least. He just has to keep a low profile, which shouldn't be hard since the original goods did that even while actively scheming to kill his former master!
Except.
Everywhere he goes, suddenly Luo Binghe is also there?!
Good thing Shen Yuan thought to take a page out of the book of Luo Binghe's actual love interest, Liu Mingyan, and start wearing a veil. He just didn't want any randos who might have seen him at the Immortal Alliance Conference or on any of the other missions his shizun sent him on to recognize him. But one minute he's investigating a strange case in Jinlan City, and the next the streets are full of Huan Hua cultivators (Shen Yuan has no intention of joining them, that's the path the original took to getting revenge! He doesn't want revenge!), and then Luo Binghe and Sect Leader MBJ and Peak Lord SHL show up, and SY is ducking down alleys and hiding behind columns, just trying to stay out of the way until the lockdown on Jinlan lifts and he can leave.
Except...
Luo Binghe really isn't acting like himself?
He looks like he hasn't been eating or sleeping well. There are dark circles around his eyes, and something almost melancholy in his countenance. And he's dressed entirely in white, none of the usual Qing Jing greens and blues anywhere to be seen. Of even greater concern, he's being reckless. Shen Yuan can't stop himself from rushing out when he sees his former shizun get infected by a sower demon.
Luckily, it's been some years since the last time they saw one another. Shen Yuan's gained a few inches in height, so he's almost at eye-level with his old master now, and though he's still more slender than bulky he's picked up some totally new styles from training the demon realms. He doesn't move the same way he used to. With that, plus the veil, it's enough for him to quickly swallow back his words as he grabs Luo Binghe and quickly administers a cure for the sower infection.
Well, he has one of course. He wouldn't need it himself, heavenly demon blood and all, but his time running around playing hero in the demon realms meant he rescued a lot of humans from such fates. Which is hard to do if you don't have a cure to their afflictions, but between him and Shang Qinghua, sourcing such things was almost easy.
Luo Binghe looks at him like he's just seen a ghost. The other Cang Qiong sect members are alarmed by SY suddenly accosting one of their own and of course find him suspicious, so he runs away right after, and then he has to lose Sha Hualing's pursuit in the city.
But what else could he do? He manages to evade the system's attempts to railroad him into meeting Gongyi Xiao, avoids the rest of the Cang Qiong crowd, and drops some of the cure through the current Qian Cao peak lord's window to get the incident sorted out. Then he flees and puts a good amount of distance between himself, Jinlan City, and every righteous sect he can think of.
The only problem is that after this point, Luo Binghe is everywhere.
Any time Shen Yuan stays in one place for longer than a few days, Qing Jing disciples start turning up. Any time he takes a job hunting some cool-sounding monster or pursuing some interesting tome of knowledge, the better to satisfy the system, it seems like Luo Binghe has selected and gone after the exact same target! Which is especially annoying because back when SY was a disciple, Luo Binghe was always assigning him to do this stuff. Since when does his chronic homebody master have an interesting in six-tailed scorpion lemurs or ancient spiritual kilns?
What's weirder, though, are the rumors.
It seems like any time SY stops at some well-populated place and asks for the latest gossip, he has to hear about how the Qing Jing peak lord lost his beloved disciple during the Immortal Alliance Conference, and mourned like a widow, and now wanders the earth in search of solace for his grief. Seeking something, possibly even the ghost of his dear disciple.
What nonsense! Luo Binghe threw SY into the Abyss himself. He had to do it, it was the plot! And also his obligation as a righteous cultivator, confronted with a "dangerous" half-demon. Does it sting? Yes it stings! That's why SY wouldn't just forget it! Despite logically knowing it's pointless, is there some part of him that wishes his master would have chosen differently? That thinks he should have known that no matter what kind of power Shen Yuan had, he would never use it to hurt people recklessly, or harm innocents, or especially not harm... well. It's pointless, his blood condemned him, and if there is some part of Luo Binghe which regrets what happened, it's doubtless just that he unwittingly harbored a monster for so long.
Which is fine and Shen Yuan would leave it at that, if the guy would just let him!
But no. Instead he has to deal with Luo Binghe turning up and asking him questions, trying to get him to talk (SY has no hope of disguising his voice, if he says anything he's not even sure it won't crack as he comes perilously close to tears instead, so he just stays silent), and then asking for his name, asking if he's mute, asking about his background, his sect, his kin. Is his a righteous cultivator? Where did he get that sword? (NOT Xin Mo, thanks, he used that thing once and then tossed it back into the Abyss before the portal finished closing behind him -- he knows a poisoned chalice when he sees one, although knowing the plot twist about that sword from the novel sure helped.) Where did he learn those forms? Is he... does he have a safe place to go home to? Someone to tend his injuries? Make sure he eats his meals?
SY, of course, stays silent. But it's difficult. Not only because Luo Binghe asks, but because he still looks... bad. Sunken, sorrowful, desperate almost. Shen Yuan can't figure out if he knows or not. Maybe he's unsure, maybe he's looking for SY to give him a sign, so that he can figure him out and then flip a switch and try to finish the job he started.
That can't happen. If they fight, SY will win, and he doesn't want to hurt Luo Binghe.
But even if Luo Binghe's not a heavenly demon, he is a highly accomplished cultivator, and it seems he's got his own breaking points to reach. Eventually he corners SY and gets a hand on his veil, and for a moment SY is sure he's going to rip it off, see his face, and confront him all "I knew it was you, you twisted evil demon, you won't escape justice a second time" and he feels a deep, icy terror close around his lungs--
Luo Binghe lets go of the veil before he can lift it.
But then something even worse happens. Because Shen Yuan's handsome, peerless, noble master breaks down. He falls to his knees, begging forgiveness, sobbing, clutching at his head like he's being driven to madness.
It all spills out of him, then. How he pushed his own dearest disciple into the Abyss, which obviously SY already knew, but also how he was apparently qi-deviating the whole time, and his senses could not differentiate between one kind of demonic "threat" and another. How he realized what he'd done only after he regained his senses hours later, and rushed back to the place where the tear to the Abyss had opened, but could not find a way in after the one he lost. How he had betrayed and thrown away the only person who cared about him, and couldn't even explain that he hadn't intended to. How he would accept anything, any punishment, hatred, penance, or revenge, if only he could see his disciple's face once more.
SY is stunned.
Apparently, Luo Binghe hadn't rejected him for his demon blood?
Not only that, but beforehand, he seemed to have valued Shen Yuan a lot more than Shen Yuan would have credited.
Is it a trick? Is he lying? SY would have guessed so, would have assumed that Luo Binghe's plan was to lull him into complacency only to turn on him once he finally had confirmation. But somehow, he just... doesn't think this is an insincere display. His old master is too cool for this stuff! He has too much dignity to just throw it away on a scheme! There are other ways to get what he wants.
Even if it is a lie, Shen Yuan is tired of running. He's the hero. He won't actually lose, and if it comes to it, it's still in his hands to decide if he wants to spare Luo Binghe or not (he does, of course he does, even if this whole spiel is an act). Plus he's got a backup plant body in one of Shang Qinghua's greenhouses if all goes to shit.
He takes the veil off himself.
Luo Binghe, teary-eyed, stares at him as if his face is the most beautiful he's ever seen.
Shen Yuan nearly puts the veil back on. His cheeks heat up. Dear Shizun, aren't you an immortal master? A noble peak lord? Isn't it your calling to vanquish demons? Get up off the dirty ground right this minute! Where did your dignity go? Shen Yuan did not spend all those nights doing the laundry to watch his teacher dirty his knees for no good reason!
There's a quaver in Luo Binghe's voice as he points out that Shen Yuan was terrible at doing laundry. Luo Binghe had to redo it the day after, all the time.
Shen Yuan chides at him that he should have made one of the other disciples do it then.
Luo Binghe just laughs, and stays on the ground, until finally Shen Yuan has to physically pull him up. Muttering about how he's being ridiculous, what's he crying for, why's he been moping so much, doesn't he know that handsome face should never look so bereft? Then he realizes what he's saying and shuts his mouth, but Luo Binghe just looks happy for the first time in years. Since the Abyss. How is it possible that SY, who actually had to slog through that awful place, can still smile more than Luo Binghe, who didn't?
They're standing so close. Holding on to one another. Almost as if... as if the scene's tone is... well...
Oh what the hell!
Shen Yuan closes the last little bit of distance between them, and kisses Luo Binghe.
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#bingqiu#long post#of course the plot probably interferes further then#turns out that while luo binghe was desperately trying to get sy back he accidentally woke up sy's father#who for this au let's say is sj instead of tlj#sj does NOT approve of this match and also hates all the righteous cultivators (and demons... and everyone mostly...)#but he is also busy trying to resurrect yqy or something#kidnaps sy like well I missed the chance to raise you and actually that's probably for the best but now I need your blood#for Reasons#luo binghe is not a fan of this turn of events#reverse holy mausoleum arc when SY is mostly unconscious except to sometimes throw out advice and LBH is dodging traps and villains#the pining-over-the-dead-shizun arc is probably AFTER the holy mausoleum and lbh self-destructs to rescue sy from sj's plans#sy refuses to accept this outcome he decided luo binghe was NOT to die he didn't need a redemption arc he was FINE sy DECIDED#but luckily they're in the holy mausoleum so sy grabs a resurrection artifact of some kind#has to spend a few years restoring and maintaining lbh's corpse before he can get the to actually work but it's fine#he's fine everything's fine he's GOING to get lbh back lbh is NOT ALLOWED TO DIE#luckily unhinged sy results in way less collateral damage than unhinged lbh#so mostly he just fights off mbj's attempts to honorably recover his shidi's body and offer him a proper burial#while camping out in the holy mausoleum and arguing with sj's detached body parts#y'know normal healthy behavior
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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moved to @scaramutual
HI HI HELLO this is a terrible hour to post this i know. new blog is waayyy more informal but I felt like i got a lot of followers here really fast and I haven't had the chance to really talk to anyone properly SO. if you want to see me around more maybe check out the new blog
I'll still be here for a good while & I'll be slowly following mutuals. mute tag if you don't want to see this post anymore woo
#movingtag#mostly i think a lot of people followed me and then realized oh shit he's annoying so they noped out#and its obviously fine but its weird for me because i didnt really ask for any of this it's just annoying sometimes#SO#new blog time#im a yapper i need a blog to yap on#it's not like a personal blog or anything i DO intend to move there fully but only after i get majority of my mutuals back#eye el why.......
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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Killer goes stage 3 when Nightmare isn't around, so the boys have to contain and calm him down themselves. Luckily they know what they're doing and make a good team, so nobody gets hurt.
And, because I can't make anything serious, bonus from the next day:
#UTDR#UTMV#Killer Sans#Cross Sans#Horror Sans#Dust Sans#My Art#Truce au#Look I cleaned up those sketches!#And added some new ones because I was having fun with them#If you're wondering about what happened#Killer always seems to go for Dust first when he loses control so Dust is the one that gets the knife away from him#After that Horror restrains him since he's the strongest physically#And Cross tries to talk him down since he's had training in the royal guard to stay calm in dangerous situations#Dust stays on alert to blast him if things get out of hand#(Not because he really hates Killer and sees a chance to hurt him#but because Killer had asked him to make sure he doesn't hurt any of them like this. He would never forgive himself)#After Killer calmed down they had a little quiet movie night since everybody was kinda drained#And subsequently forgot to tell Nightmare when he got home (oops)#It's fine he's proud of them and only mostly stressed out by this news
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Stupid joke based on birds i saw at my bird feeder
#hatoful boyfriend#holiday star#hitori uzune#nageki fujishiro#nanaki kazuaki#hiyoko tosaka#ryouta kawara#anghel higure#if anyone cares about my real life bird tales: basically a mommy cardinal and her kid came to feed at my bird feeder#and i was shocked because her kid was like? dare i say bigger than her at this point and could eat JUST FINE! on his own#but was still asking for his mommy to feed him ON TOP OF THE SEEDS HE WAS ALREADY EATING!! SPOILT!!#so i took a video and called him a manchild#it was genuinely very cute and sweet tho#im not sure what he did but mommy bird ended up tussling with him at one point#and he just awkwardly sat there repenting after LOL#all to say: i ended up curious about what the point in feeding a bird that can clearly eat on its own is and like yea the answer is obvi…#like yea… its thier baby still.. sniffles so loud#but also some birds flirt via feeding yummy worms and what not#i think the website i read mostly listed songbirds tho#so i dont think quails do this- sorry i went to look this up LOL#so i typed. do adult quail feed eachother. and the google ai instead was like yea quails do eat eachother when stressed </3#NOT WHAT I ASKED?? HELLOOOO??#sorry idk what this ramble has become#me and my friend just kept joking about nanaki being a flop at flirting because he just comes off like a big baby instead
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this is the face of the you make when you realize the bloodiest civil war in westerosi history was started over a misunderstanding the writers made up in order to give one single character something to do over the seasons
#and don’t tell me this wasn’t done mostly in service of alicent’s character#which is fine if we think of her character alone but why was rhaenyra involved in this bulshit#she had no reason to to trust alicent or think alicent could be reasoned with when she spent 20 years trying to put her son on the throne#…and she ended up putting her son on the throne#if they wanted alicent to doubt her decision about crowning aegon they could have idk make her realize that he sucks#and he shouldn’t be anywhere near a position of power (something she already knows tbh)#or use her braincells to acknowledge that viserys would never do such a thing???? like?????#but no ig this makes so much more sense lol#tbh even if you’re a fan of rhaenyra and alicent’s relationship this is still a bad decision#because a lot of the emotional punch is lost by having them reunite after 5 episodes instead of during the fall of kl#when emotions are much higher and they’ve both lost so much more#instead we got this lackluster scene that accomplished nothing and made rhaenyra look like an idiot#rhaenyra targaryen#anti rhaenicent#just to be sure#hotd#fire and blood#hotd spoilers#pam watches hotd#house of the dragon#hotd season 2
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TIL "Lay On Hands" is a paladin healing skill and I am blessed by this knowledge.
#moe talks a lot#oops i fell in love#cleric!right is forever funny to me because yeah its incredibly fitting for him to crave the power to heal#since he personally is so damaged and refuses to hurt others even in a game#but also he has such a foul mouth and you cannot remove that part of him ever#hes going to yell obscenities before he heals someone#like the joke of YOU HAVE UNO IT CAME WITH YOUR XBOX#is now YOU HAVE HEALING IT COMES WITH THE PALADIN#and then he just goes and heals karen while paul is like hey thats mean what if i want to bond with you :c#why wont you ever heal ME right i wanna be healed by you ! shes missing like 2hp what about healing my 10hp#again i have zero dnd exp and i am only learning from asking buddies who play it cause google sucks#i say that bc i tried googling something about clerics and it gave answers i didnt want to questions i didnt ask#anyway time to go perish personally im in so much pain and im v tired#for the record bc i know some people have expressed concerns in the past that im pushing myself too much to draw daily#its mostly my legs n feet that hurt constantly after work#my hand is still fine and while i do have some weird bruising on my arms (a mystery!) bc i bruise easily#its not me pushing through the hand pain or something bad like that its just i ache a lot
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Akai Shuuichi isn't afraid of heights. Like any sane person, however, he dreads the fall.
Though he questions his sanity. Because try as he might to stay away from the edge, it calls to him. Staring into sweet oblivion sends shivers down his spine, the uncertainty of his fate a thrill like no other. Most days he trusts in himself, his ability to walk the razor's edge, but he's fallen before. And it hurt.
Of course, pain is just a part of life he's learned to live with. In his line of work, people get injured all the time. And if you can't handle that, you have to be very lucky to make it out alive. For the longest time, death wasn't an option.
(Now, it wouldn't be so bad.)
So he steadied himself, got smarter, hardier. Better at avoiding situations that result in pain. And better at shutting it out, too, when it did appear, in order to keep going.
Why, then, does his chest ache and burn?
It's quite simple.
Layers and layers of ice, degrees of separation in place precisely to protect him from pain like this, melted through by Rei's blazing heat.
What a stupid thing he's done, to get attached again.
He could've tried to resist, at the start. Before things had gone too far. Before he got to know Furuya Rei.
But maybe, by then, it was already too late. In truth, he probably doomed himself years ago, when he accepted Scotch's offer of companionship. It brought Bourbon into his orbit, and the man's never been any less than doggedly persistent. Once Shuuichi let him in, he was never going to escape unscathed.
Shuuichi let him get too close, and got burnt as a result. Could see it coming, too, for the longest time. But how was he supposed to escape Rei's brilliance? His touch, devastatingly kind? It would be like trying to block out the sun - an exercise in painful impossibility.
So he's stopped trying, and embraced the wildfire that is Rei. Of course he burns, it's his nature.
(There's some things Shuuichi will need to reevaluate about his own, now that he has time. Because he certainly never thought of himself as a masochist, and yet, despite the pain, he knows one thing for certain: he wouldn't want things any other way.)
(Not one that is available to him, at least.)
Thus, he resorts to clinging to the vestiges of patience and composure he has cultivated for years to keep working through the situation with a cool head.
To do what is right.
He's putting back together what he tore apart, unwittingly, some three years ago now. Their struggle is over. They deserve to rest and recover, nurse their wounds - together.
It doesn't matter that he feels like he's bleeding out. He's used to patching himself up, after all.
And he's glad that he can do this for his... friends. The term invokes a foreign, gentle joy. They're no longer team mates, no longer allies, no longer forced together by circumstance. That's in the past, now. They stick to each other by choice, these days. That makes them friends, right?
He's happy for his friends.
Shuuichi pours himself another glass of scotch.
.
He should've picked a different hotel than his family.
Rather, his family should've really looked into a permanent residence already, considering Masumi has decided she doesn't want to go back to Britain. It's not like mother could refuse, after all the things his little sister did for her - not least of which, coming clean to Shiho and convincing her to share the APTX antidote, when all was said and done.
They're certainly not lacking in money, and Shuuichi's sure the Hanedas have connections that would make finding a flat, or even a house, possible, even on short notice.
Then again, Masumi told him they've been living in a hotel for more than half a year - maybe they've simply grown used to the comforts. It's not for him, but he's rarely seen eye to eye with mother.
Regardless, none of this excuses banging at his door at seven in the morning, on the dot.
"Shuu, are you up yet?"
Well, if he wasn't, he surely would be, now. Years undercover have left him a light sleeper out of necessity - it's a habit he won't be able to break for quite a while, even if he wanted to.
Still, the splitting headache and nausea make him consider playing dead. He doesn't feel much better than it, in any case.
Another set of knocks shakes his door. He loves his sister, and her determination is one of her best traits. But some of these days, it's also highly inconvenient.
"One moment."
He drags himself off the barstool, checks the mirror. Can almost hear Rei telling him he looks like death warmed over. Roughly two hours of sleep half-draped over the hotel room bar certainly didn't do him any favours.
He buttons up his shirt in an attempt at modesty, combs back his hair roughly. Part of him wants to send Masumi away - she's idolised him for too long. His little sister doesn't deserve to have the illusion of composure shattered, shouldn't have to see him, like this.
But she told him, at her birthday party, trying alcohol for the first time in their family home, under his watchful eyes. Always direct, but, as it turned out, even more so when tipsy:
'When all of this is over, I want my brother back. Just...you, however you are.'
If Shuuichi waits for a time where he feels ready to talk to her, won't stain her merely by existing in proximity, they'll never get to meet at all.
(He can't have that. He's missed too much, already.)
So he drags himself to the door, dishevelled, morning breath and all. Opens it a crack.
"Morning." If his voice is a little rougher than usual, there's nothing he can do about it.
Masumi pushes the door wide open so she can step in, giving him a wide berth. Inspects him head to toe, worry clear in her scowl and the wrinkle of her nose.
"...is this a bad time?", she asks, a glint to her eyes as she notices the half-empty bottle of scotch on the bar's counter. She can't help it - a detective through and through, and not good enough at feigning nonchalance yet. The evidence at the crime scene is surely forming a rather damning picture - he really should have put the bottle back into the bar before letting her in.
She plops down on the small sofa, makes herself comfortable while he opens the window. That should at least give them some relief from the smells accumulated overnight in the room.
"No. You're just here early. Is something the matter?"
He doesn't bother with pleasantries on principle, but at this hour he finds himself even less inclined. Besides - she wouldn't be here this early if it wasn't important. At least Shuuichi dearly hopes she has more sense than that.
Masumi looks down at the floor, a little guilty. He settles on the barstool and waits for her hesitation to blow over. Must really be looking like shit, if he's managed to curb her usual enthusiasm.
"I was going to ask for a favour, but I'm really not sure-"
He gives her an unimpressed look, from up upon his perch. It's a little too early to beat around the bush.
"Masumi." A single word, aimed to cut her off with calm precision. "How do I help?"
He might not be feeling well, but he's a professional - he's worked in worse conditions, for less important reasons. He'll drag himself out of his slump, if she needs him.
"You don't have to. It's silly." She gives him a sheepish smile, fangs and all.
"That's for me to decide, once you let me know what you need. So?"
She steadies herself, looks up at him, and sighs.
"For context, it's been months now, but Ran's still down about the whole Shinichi fiasco. So, we've decided to surprise her with an outing, tomorrow night."
So far so good, although he doesn't see where that concerns him.
"It was gonna be just us girls, and I'm confident that between Ran and myself, we can handle anyone stupid enough to try and cause trouble. But you know how it is in Beika. There's always a risk."
He does indeed know how Beika has somehow overtaken Osaka in every single criminal statistic there is. If she didn't have friends here, he would suggest moving elsewhere. He hears Nagano is very lovely, all year 'round.
"So we were discussing if there's anyone we could bring for company. And, well-"
"Go on."
"Sonoko somehow - I'd really like her resources - caught wind that Okiya Subaru is back on 'vacation'. She might have suggested asking him to accompany us?"
Not entirely unexpected - miss Suzuki had taken something of a liking to him, for whatever reason. It's a testament to the improvement of his acting skills. Engaging with kids and teenagers is a far cry more difficult and involved than his cover as Rye, somehow.
"...she may also be under the inaccurate impression, you, well, he could be a potential match for Ran."
At least his sister's on the right page there. That's not happening, never in a thousand years. Even if Ran wasn't barely more than half his age, she's too innocent, selfless, kind. If something like love exists in his heart, it couldn't ever be for someone like her - not again.
"You want me to decline the offer, then?" Simple enough.
Masumi shakes her head.
"No, Sonoko's right. It's always good to have an extra pair of eyes, and I'd love to have you with us. Been too long since we last spent time together. Besides, I don't think Ran is even interested in you - or anyone, really, after that disaster..." It takes him a moment to place the bitterness in her voice, uncharacteristic as it is.
"And that is unexpected?"
"No. I get it, she needs time. But she's miserable, and I want her to cheer up already..." Masumi mumbles the latter half to herself, subdued. Shuuichi's not sure he was supposed to hear that, but, well. He did.
"You'll get through to her eventually."
Good back-up gets one out of the toughest of scrapes, he can attest to that. If his sister is determined to get Ran to feel better, her persistence will make it come true, eventually.
"I sure hope so." She smiles up at him.
He finds his lips quirking up in response. "You focus on helping her. I'll cover your back."
He's sure he'll manage not to indulge miss Suzuki's delusions too badly. Rei often let him know how off-putting he can be, after all - finally a good use for his skills.
"Thanks, Shuu."
She gets up. Stops a couple of steps away from him, hovering uncertainly. When he raises an eyebrow, he can almost see the 'ah, fuck it', and then she's hugging him. Shuichi pats her back, a little awkwardly.
"Any time", he says and means it. "If there's anything else..."
She tenses next to him, but shakes her head.
"No, it's...I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
Well, now he is a little worried. He'll need to keep an eye out for whatever's troubling her.
"Alright." He won't push her; she'll tell him if she needs to.
Masumi lets go and scurries off, fleeing for the door.
"Text me the time and place, I'll be there."
"Will do. See you tomorrow." She nods and waves her goodbye. He follows to lock the door behind her, the bolt sliding shut with a satisfying clack.
There's just one small problem. He currently doesn't have Okiya's get-up. And Okiya doesn't live in this hotel.
After dropping him off yesterday, Shuuichi had planned not to bother him for a couple of days. Well. That plan has just been tossed out the window rather unceremoniously.
It can't be helped. With a bit of apprehension, he calls Scotch.
.
Under the cover of darkness, Shuuichi scales the garden wall, dropping into the Kudo's backyard without issue. The alarms have been disabled according to the schedule he provided.
He slips in through the unlocked backdoor, shutting it behind himself. The security systems of the place are too familiar; he reactivates them on autopilot. Better to avoid unpleasant surprises, wherever possible.
Clearly, Scotch had a similar idea - Shuuichi can barely see his outline in the darkened kitchen, but the revolver he gave to him gleams in the dim light. It's nice to see he's making good use of it.
Sharp blue eyes scan him.
"The passphrase?"
Nostalgia steals the air from his lungs. Between unsafe safe houses, a trigger-happy Bourbon, and working with people best described as shapeshifters, they needed a way to identify themselves, and quickly, when they returned home.
It's been years since he's last spoken it, but the passphrase comes to him as easily as breathing.
"Eat, drink, and be merry..."
Scotch had suggested the words, years ago. The motto he lived by, when not on the job, in order to not lose his sanity. The motto he'd imposed on Rye, as well, when they became partners.
A cheshire grin in the night.
"...for tomorrow we die." Scotch finishes their creed, lowers the revolver.
"Welcome home, Rye."
.
It's always been easy to find comfort by Scotch's side. Between the greeting, making gyoza together - which goes much better than their attempts years ago - and watching mindless action movies with a glass of bourbon, ripping apart impossible stunt work, it's difficult not to fall into a simulacrum of the fragile peace they'd carved out for themselves, away from organisation work.
Only this time, the peace is real.
Despite his apprehensions about meeting Scotch, Shuuichi's glad he's here - travelling with him is one thing, but he didn't realize just how much he's missed downtime with his ex-partner. Scotch's sharp intellect and easy-going attitude make for pleasant company.
It's exactly what he needs to unwind.
Which is why he doesn't see how Scotch has him cornered until it's too late.
.
The neighbourhood of the Kudo manor is quiet, at night.
As they head out onto the balcony for a smoke in the moonlight, their conversation turns to hushed whispers. Mellowed by an evening of pleasant company and several drinks, the world sharpens into focus between them, illuminated by the glow of their cigarettes.
Standing would be too visible, so they sit on the stone floor, side by side, like so many times before.
"Hey, Akai?" His name, not his monicker. A chilling sense of dread creeps into his chest. Please, no.
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
Shuuichi closes his eyes. He can take a good guess where this is going. Thus, he takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and braces himself.
"You know. For letting me meet Zero."
He'd been hoping against hope they could avoid the topic altogether. After all, they've made it several hours without addressing it. But unfortunately, it seems his luck has run out.
(Still, having seen Scotch in good spirits all evening makes it worthwhile, just a bit.)
Maybe they can just move along quickly.
"Think nothing of it."
"No. Akai, listen. I know you had to pull some strings to make it happen, and I want you to know I appreciate that. We appreciate that - even if Zero is pissed. First thing he did was slap me; told me I was late."
Scotch laughs, low and sweet in the night air.
They both know he let himself get slapped - Rei tends to telegraph too much, when he's angry, and surely it's even more obvious for someone so intimately familiar with him. The thought stings. And yet, through it, Shuuichi can't help the help the small smile creeping on his face. That sounds like Rei, all right. He would've liked to see it - someone else the target of his anger, for once.
Scotch seems happy to just bask in the memory, but Shuuichi's curiosity has been piqued.
"Did you manage to resolve your issues?" After all, that was the goal. If they didn't, none of this was worth it - several hoops he jumped through, bureaucratic and personal, for nothing.
"It's tentative, so far, but I have faith we'll get there. We've been through too much, together, at this point. This won't break us... I hope."
Shuuichi is reminded painfully of the bits and pieces he's heard of their childhood adventures. Fishing and fighting and being friends. It must be nice, to have found love so early in life. To get to keep it, too.
"I don't think so, it's clear how much he missed you. I'd be surprised if he ever let you go again." It leaves him a little cold, to no longer be the focal point of Furuya's burning determination. Chasing him was always just a means to an end for getting to Scotch. And now his wish has been granted. Shuuichi hopes it's worth it.
When he smiles, Shuuichi is sure this is Hiro, the person closest to Rei. It burns, but at the same time he finds himself glad that Scotch shines with such utter fondness when he talks of Zero. That's what Rei deserves, after all.
"I hope so. I don't intend to leave again, anyways. Every single day when I was hiding, I missed him."
It's a quiet, gentle admission Akai isn't sure how to handle. All these emotions are a bit too much - he's not used to being thanked, unless it's with useless medals, and he's not used to being confided in. He supposes it's nice that Scotch trusts him enough to lay himself bare like this, nowadays. Still, he can't help but wish for the old times, when they were much better at keeping their feelings out of his face. He's already happy for them; isn't that enough?
Scotch turns to look at him, blue eyes burning bright in the moonlight.
"And I missed you, too."
Cold wind tousles his hair. Shuuichi stares at Scotch.
If he didn't know what to say before, he certainly doesn't do so now. How can Hiro say that so easily? It's too personal. It's one thing to have his little sister say it, who only ever saw an idealized version of him to look up to. For Scotch to say this, despite knowing what he did, who he is - it makes Shuuichi nauseous.
Because he can tell Scotch is being painfully genuine.
'I missed you too', burns in his throat. But too many conflicting emotions keep it tightly sealed. His breathing becomes difficult, requires a conscious effort to take air in, hold, breathe out. Repeat.
And Scotch isn't even done yet.
"Akai. I have to get used to that name now, huh? Feel free to call me by my name, too, if you want."
With how his mind is spinning, it's difficult to figure out what he wants at all, besides for Scotch, no, Hiromitsu to stop. He's ripping apart the bubble of warm nostalgia that was enveloping them so nicely, leaving them exposed to the present. The night is cold and uncertain, without its protection.
"...you haven't been meeting my eyes all evening. Please, Akai - let me know what's wrong. We couldn't, back then, but I'd like to be your friend, now."
It's the kindest smile he's seen on Sc- Hiromitsu yet, and it's too much. Shuuichi has to avert his eyes, can't keep looking at his former partner, all earnest focus placed on him. A shiver runs downs his spine.
There's few things he wants more, in life.
"...we are", he manages to tear from his aching throat, choked up with emotion. This is a bad idea. He's not supposed to get attached. He's just making the same mistake, over and over again. He should've kept quiet.
(If he'd told Akemi how he truly felt, would it have mattered?)
"Then why do you seem miserable, whenever you look at me? Why do you try to avoid me? Don't think I didn't notice."
Of course he did, always too sharp. So helpful, on a mission, and occasionally in private too; he'd know they were getting sick before they really felt it, start treatment with soup and tea early. Taking care of them, even then.
"It's got nothing to do with you, it's-" 'me', he wants to say. Fear and bitter envy, the brunt of which Hiromitsu really doesn't deserve to face. So Shuuichi's been trying to avoid them, and, by extension, his former partner.
He manages to catch himself in time, before he gives voice to feelings that can't be unsaid.
"Yes?" Hiromitsu's voice is calm and patient and Shuuichi hates him for the attention he's paying to him.
He manages to correct his course in time, if barely.
"You and Rei deserve some time alone, now that you're finally back together." It's close enough, only a partial lie. They're so important to each other, and he truly wants them to make up. He'd only be in their way.
"Rei, hm?" Hiro smiles at him. Of course he picked up on Shuuichi's blunder.
He's had just about enough of being cornered. Gets up and is about to head inside and maybe hide in the attic for a while. The door can be barricaded from the inside. Hiromitsu rises after him, puts a hand around his wrist in a vice grip.
"Let. Go." It takes all his patience to not just break Scotch's arm and leave.
"I'm sorry for pushing you, Akai. Please, give me half a minute more."
Unfortunately, his best glare stopped working on Scotch several years back. Shuuichi looks at his wristwatch, starts counting down. As soon as Hiromitsu starts talking, he knows his time is better spent focusing on what he has to say, instead.
"Look at me, Akai, and listen up. You can't get between the two of us. I've offered you a place at my side years ago, and Zero... well, he's come around. The offer still stands. It wasn't conditional, but if it was, you would've earned your place easily, by now. I owe you my life, and so does Zero, several times over."
"We did what we had to, and you did the same for me." For the longest time it was that simple, their relationship purely transactional, because Bourbon could only ever deal in exchanges. A favour for a favour.
It's long since stopped working that way, and Shuuichi knows it.
"Oh, please. None us had to do anything more than cooperate on missions, and yet we all chose to do so anyways. You're one of us, Akai. Stop fighting it."
And he wants to, desperately so. The thought of spilling his rotten insides for them to see has him sick to his stomach, and yet, how much worse could it be than what they've already witnessed?
Hiromitsu squeezes his arm, a burning brand of human connection. It staves off the cold, just a little.
When he speaks again, it's soft, but firm.
"You should've joined us for dinner, yesterday. Both of us missed you."
Shuuichi doesn't know what to say to that, too busy fighting his internal battles, but surely something shows on his face, because Hiro laughs at him.
"As amusing as it is to see you flush, no, that wasn't an invitation to a threesome."
...he isn't quite sure whether he's supposed to be relieved, or crestfallen, at this.
"I didn't think-"
"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't." Hiromitsu's smile is too sly and knowing. It's a testament to the fact Shuuichi's spent too much time with Furuya, because wiping it off his face in a fight sure sounds appealing, right about now.
He's always been better at expressing himself through deeds rather than words, anyways.
"Otherwise, I wouldn't need to set the record straight. Zero's furious, by the way. Count yourself lucky that I'm the one breaking the news to you. He doesn't appreciate being set up on a date with his best friend."
Hiromitsu pauses, presumably to let that sink in. Shuuichi stares him down. That is supposed to be new information, how?
"Let me be perfectly clear: I love Zero."
He says it easily, with a sweet smile. It stings fiercely in Shuuichi's chest. By now, he thinks he knows what Hiromitsu is playing at, but unfortunately that knowledge doesn't prevent it from being an effective tactic.
(If this is how Hiromitsu treats his friends, he doesn't want to be his enemy.)
"He's my best friend, I love him like a brother. But he's family. Nothing more, nothing less."
There's a small pang of guilt at the relief that floods his system, but he needs it said explicitly to really believe it.
"You aren't a couple, then?"
Hiromitsu raises an eyebrow, as if to ask 'and why would that matter to you?' But thankfully he's done teasing, or Shuuichi really would need to break something, or rather, someone.
"No. I can see how you got the idea, but there's never been anything between us. Zero says you have a brother? Imagine we presumed the same about you two, just because you're close."
The confirmation lets him breathe more freely, even if it will need time to settle. His mind is still spinning, too many thoughts fighting for control. From this mess, of all things, his long-forgotten manners emerge as the failsafe. "Sorry."
Hiromitsu waves it off with a grin.
"I don't mind too much, we got excellent dinner out of it. Thank you for that, by the way. But do make sure to apologize properly to Rei."
Hiro winks at him, then straightens, looks him in the eye.
Squeezes his arm a final time, before he lets go.
"I mean it, Akai - you're our friend. And I hope you rest a little easier, knowing the truth."
Shuuichi does.
.
He's five minutes late to the requested location downtown - through little fault of his own, this time.
Masumi's text arrived a mere twenty minutes ago, and the things PSB liaison Akai Shuuichi might get away with, such as speeding, don't apply to the civilian Okiya Subaru (though that would admittedly be a very nice perk of the job).
He can hazard a guess why Masumi didn't send the details earlier as he drives past the building in question to find a parking spot - she probably didn't want to give him time to reconsider and back out.
Because she's dragging him to a goddamn karaoke bar, and, standing in the huddle of girls waiting for him, is Miyano Shiho.
His instincts tell him to cancel, to take up position on the rooftop bar across the street - it would provide easier surveillance options.
(But he's tried to protect Akemi from afar, and failed her, miserably.)
Besides, he promised, and he really does try to be better, these days.
So he smiles, all awkward and apologetic Subaru, as he joins them. It's going to be a long night.
(He's soothed by the smell of Rei's hypoallergic fabric softener clinging to the sweater he picked. Can't help but feel that there would be a certain appeal to sharing them, if Rei were open to the idea.)
.
The evening goes better than he imagined, all things considered, even if there's crying involved - as is often the case when he meets Mouri Ran.
It's a pleasant distraction, if nothing else.
He keeps an eye on Masumi all night to see what could possibly be bothering her, but as far as he can tell she's genuinely happy to spend the night with her friends. In fact, considering she told him how it had been too long since they'd last seen each other, she pays surprisingly little attention to him.
He prefers it this way.
(Although he would've liked to ask for her advice on how to apologise properly. Alas, this is probably not the right time, or place.)
.
Mostly he stays at their table, watching the girls' drinks and the crowd, occasionally giving guys who seem to consider chatting the girls up cheerful glares. Masumi made her wishes very clear, after all.
It's a good thing he talked to Scotch Hiromitsu yesterday. Enthusiasm permeates the bar, but unfortunately confidence doesn't equate to talent. Several of the loud, out of tune performances would've been torture with a hangover.
He finds himself humming along to the classics regardless.
As it is, it's almost pleasant. Sure, Shiho keeps ignoring him when it's just the two of them left at the table, but that's better than open hostility. Probably.
(It feels a little worse.)
.
Two hours in Sonoko ushers Ran to stay with Subaru rather conspicuously.
Smalltalk is stilted between them, lacking in common ground, and it doesn't really help that their connection is through the Kudo family, the memories of which she's here to escape for the night. She's polite as ever, but without the other girls as buffer, the conversation quickly runs dry.
Thankfully, the girls' singing distracts them soon enough. A cutesy pop song about moving on, dedicated to Ran.
She seems about ready to cry halfway through, and by the time they're done she's sniffling and trying to discreetly wipe her tears. Shuuichi gives her a handkerchief and pats her back rather awkwardly in an effort to try and soothe her. He hopes the girls will be back soon to take care of this. He's woefully underqualified to handle this kind of situation.
When they finally do get back, he plans to excuse himself, but before he finds a good time he's swept up in a group hug instead.
Turns out he might have misread the situation - what with Ran being overjoyed at her friends' continued support, and needing to express that, somehow. How exactly that translates into him also being included in their huddle is beyond his comprehension, but he's not going to struggle and cause a scene.
(It's kind of nice to see her smile again - gloominess doesn't suit her.)
.
It might've been a bit too much excitement for Ran, because around midnight she's almost falling asleep at their table. At this point, the rest of the girls declare their mission a success, and the focus shifts to trying to figure out how to get back in the middle of the night.
Shuuichi volunteers to drive them home.
It's crammed in his little Subaru, but the girls manage, and once he's dropped off Sonoko, things quiet down considerably.
Masumi makes him swear not to tell their mother how long they were out.
He agrees, of course, knowing he got up to much worse as a teen - back when he was still susceptible to peer pressure and living abroad in a fraternity, alcohol made him do very stupid things indeed to prove his worth.
If this is how Masumi chooses to defy their mother, he'll take it - she could be up to so much worse.
She's arranged to stay with Ran; thus, he's released from his services for the night. He watches as they help each other up the stairs, leaning in close, whispering and laughing to each other.
He would make an assumption, now, but Hiromitsu's words are still clear in his mind.
So for now, he refrains, and is simply glad they're supporting each other.
.
In the end, predictably, Shiho is the only one left in the car.
"Didn't dare to join us wearing your own skin, cousin?"
He shrugs. "Masumi requested Subaru."
"Well. At least you didn't creep on us from several buildings away. Baby steps." 'But progress, nonetheless', her small smile says.
He doesn't know why he says it. Maybe because it's late. Because Scotch Hiromitsu has chipped away at his protective tissue. Because it's Shiho.
"Staying away didn't save her." He doesn't need to say who - the same wound is carved into Shiho's heart, after all. And judging by the songs she chose to sing today, it still bleeds just the same.
She sighs, long-winded and too world-weary for a girl her age.
"No. No, it didn't. All it did was rob us of the time we had with her. Utter idiocy, in retrospect."
Shuuichi hums in agreement. Lost opportunities they'll never get back, all thanks to lies and the wish to protect her.
"I tried to push her away, you know? I was too involved - maybe, if she didn't know what I was doing, she could retain her innocence. Maybe she could even leave, one day, I'd hoped. But she clung to me stubbornly."
Never backing down from what she wanted, from those she loved. That's the women he fell for.
Shuuichi finds himself smiling, somewhat pained.
"She loved you dearly, to the bitter end."
He hands her the flip phone that has been his constant companion for almost a year now. Past the lockscreen waits Akemi's last message to him. With its P.S., asking him to protect her dear little sister, if the worst should come to pass.
He never got to reply to her, to promise that he would, of course he would.
It's short, so Shiho doesn't take long to read it. She attempts to hand it back, eyes glistening, but not crying.
Always composed, in front of him.
"Keep it."
It hurts to let go of it, but Shiho deserves to have assurance of Akemi's love, even in death.
(Unlike himself, who only ever lied to her.)
She looks up at him, uncertain, but what she reads on his face seems enough to convince her. She snaps the phone shut, cradles it to her chest.
Smiles grimly at him. "Thank you."
The rest of the car ride passes in silence.
They split up in front of the Kudo mansion.
"...I was planning to visit her grave on the weekend. You should come."
.
Shuuichi knows where Akemi's ashes have been laid to rest - he was the one to pay for her funeral, after all.
(Once upon a time, he'd dreamt of a future with her, of being family. Cruel irony, how that turned out to be true.)
Since her parents were never officially buried, and he hadn't been able to reach Shiho, he'd made the selfish decision to have Akemi's ashes stored in the Sera family grave.
He hasn't had the time to visit, yet - first, things had been too dangerous, then too busy, and by now, he's really just been unable to face her, alone. He's glad he doesn't have to, now.
Shiho sets down an incense stick, and some cut flowers - white gladioli. Shuuichi squats down next to her, puts down his flowers - lilies, also white - into the vase and lights the incense.
"Hey, sis. Look who I managed to drag along."
"Hello, Akemi." Sorry it took so long.
They stand, side by side, in silent prayer.
He's had days to prepare himself, to think about what he wants to say to her. But as he stands before her grave, all that's left is sorrow, a hollow in his chest where she should be.
(Filled with regret, and someone else. Jodie's right. He's a terrible partner.)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth.
I'm sorry I left you behind.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.
I miss you.
The gentle smile when she talked about her little sister. The sweet blush when he'd kissed her hand. The way she'd awkwardly apologize for flipping the pancake she was making for breakfast into the sink. The ikebana arrangements she'd spend hours and hours on, decorating her flat. Her kind hands, mending his body and soothing his soul. The way the sunlight would turn her hair into gold.
A thousand small joys she gave to him, and all he had for her in turn were lies.
He doesn't remember the last time he cried - maybe as a child, when he fell and scraped his knee. It feels so far away.
His body doesn't remember how to, either - otherwise he surely would be, now.
How cruel. Even in death, he can't show her his honest feelings.
Shuuichi shows her cold comfort, instead.
Takes out a plastic evidence bag he requisitioned from the PSB, and places it on the altar as an offering. In it, the shattered scope of a rifle, splattered with its owner's blood. Gin's. It was found by his side, together with his Beretta, the instrument of his voluntary destruction. As the PSB forces had closed in on him, he'd chosen to kill himself, rather than surrender.
When Shuuichi lies awake at night, it irks him that Gin had a choice, at the end, where he took it away from so many others. He didn't deserve that kindness. A part of him is furious that he wasn't there to see his enemy's dying breaths, preferably through the scope of his rifle.
But it was probably for the best - if he'd been there, he's not sure he could've reigned himself in. Might've murdered Gin with his own two hands, and become the kind of monster he swore to hunt. (And if he's completely honest, there's another possibility: caught in a struggle with his enemy, he might have lost sight of his surroundings and slipped up. Facing Gin, that would've been a death sentence.)
Instead, and he's got the boy to thank for that, he was tasked with keeping their allies - Rei - alive and breathing. He can't help but feel like that matters.
I'm sorry I couldn't avenge you; you deserved better.
But he won't be making anyone miserable, anymore.
It's over, and they're still standing, in defiance of the bloodlust of their enemies. He's managed to keep one promise to Akemi, at least.
I'll continue to watch over her, if she lets me.
Shiho claps beside him, done with her prayer.
Thank you for everything.
The incense stick's stump turns to ash and scatters in the wind.
I hope your spirit can find peace, Akemi.
.
When he lights himself a cigarette to calm his mind, Shiho holds out a hand, wordlessly, expectantly.
He regards her with mild curiosity, but offers the pack regardless.
"What. You think I haven't done worse?"
She snatches his lighter, and with a hiss of flame, lights up her own cigarette.
"Akemi used to tell me to stay away from drugs, but I deserve this for bringing you here."
She takes a deep drag, managing not to cough. It's clear, from her posture and practiced ease, that it's far from her first foray into smoking.
"I hated you, you know? For the longest time. For playing with her, breaking her heart, leaving her behind, all alone. Leaving her to die."
It burns his lungs, to have his own thoughts voiced out loud, by Shiho of all people. But he deserves every cruel word dropped from her lips - she speaks nothing but the truth, after all. He needs to bear her judgement.
Shiho smiles, grimly. Doesn't look at him, focused on the grave instead.
"But not Akemi. She saw through you, and loved you still. Forgave you, even, because that's the kind of person she was."
A cold spring breeze plays with her hair. The sweater and cap protect him from the worst of it, but it still bites at his face, makes his eyes sting.
"I don't think I can ever be as forgiving as she was. You were, and still often are, an unrepentant jerk."
She turns to look at him, eyes as hard as steel. So familiar his eyes burn. He can't look away.
"But her death is not your fault."
It's cloaked in insults and pain. But it's an absolution he could never have asked for, one no one else could have given him. His breathing stops, then comes a little easier.
"Neither is it Kudo's. Did he ever tell you? He was there, watched her die. For the longest time, I blamed him for not saving her. He's brilliant when he puts his mind to it. Did he care so little, as to not even try?"
She shakes her head.
"It is a cruel thing to begrudge him for having witnessed her death. He was just a kid - small, powerless, afraid. Up against enemies that tried to kill him, too, only failed through sheer luck. I had to first be put into the same shoes to understand that."
As if she's not just a kid now, too. Neither of them should have gone through what they did, and yet it happened, has left them weathered and worn, tired beyond their years. They're still young - he hopes they can recover from the worst.
"I'm trying to tell myself it's not my fault either. She died for me, for us, trying to get us out of there. But I didn't know. She kept it from me, in case something went wrong. And I lie awake, going over conversations, wondering if I missed any signs. If I could've warned her or stopped her. If she could still be here, that way."
He's familiar with the spirals and hypotheticals, repeating the scenario over and over, to look for a way out. It never changes the facts.
"That kind of thinking gets you nowhere."
She gives him a sharp glare, a wordless threat to 'shut the fuck up'. He takes a step back, raising a hand in surrender.
"I know it's useless. Because she is dead, and no amount of analysing can bring her back. At least the one person who truly is at fault will not be a problem any longer. That's a small comfort."
She glares at the scope with barely concealed hatred in her eyes.
"And that's all there is. Akemi was proud and strong-willed - she chose her path. Not reaching out to any of us for help was a choice she made. I can't take away her agency in this matter."
Shiho smiles, pained and beautiful in the setting sun.
"The worst thing is that if she hadn't done what she did, I might still be a prisoner of the organisation. I'd like to think she didn't want to die to achieve it, but she'd be so happy to see me living in the sunlight, once more."
"She would be overjoyed." It's an obvious and simple truth he can't help but confirm.
Oh. Shiho's crying, now, quiet tears trailing down her cheeks, reflecting the sunlight in streaks of gold. It shaves years of her worn face, makes her look as young as she truly is.
He gives her a handkerchief, is glad to see her accept it. She wipes her face, smudging some of the make-up - he'll need to let her know before they return to the public. She doesn't usually like it when people can see past her composure. Shuuichi's pretty sure he, too, shouldn't be here to witness this.
But she doesn't hide from him, today, so he'll take all she gives to him, and treasure it.
"I brought you here because I'm trying to be better. I got a second chance at life, and I want to take it, all of it, for myself and for Akemi. But I won't be able to, if I hold on to useless grudges."
She looks at the handkerchief in her hands.
"You're a jerk, but you're not horrible. And you're trying to be better, too."
She holds out her hand.
"I want to get to know you, Akai Shuuichi. Maybe we could start with meeting for coffee?"
He waits for her to take it back, to reconsider.
She just looks at him expectantly, raises an eyebrow too when he doesn't comply immediately.
Shuuichi is many things, but he tries not to be a coward.
So he fights the vertigo, takes a leap of faith.
"I'd like that."
And shakes her hand.
.
Sweater Weather AU masterpost
#working title: akai shuuichi and the mortifying ordeal of being known#man. hiro is cruel. showers akai with love to make him confess his silly misconceptions#knows full well the stupid thing akai is agonizing over but still makes him say it...#okiya has been adopted as one of the girls™#not me looking up popular japanese karaoke songs and then not putting them in there#Ran's singing Dry Flower for sure#(Shiho's picked Lemon for Akemi. Akai finds himself quietly singing along)#Masumi Sonoko and a somewhat grumpy Shiho dedicate PonPonPon to Ran#(also I presume Ran is mostly fine with Shiho because she's not her childhood friend/boyfriend who lied to her while living with her.#she knew for the longest time that there was something up with Ai and tried to help her. is probably glad Shiho opened up when she could)#shiho after all of that angst in the end: we're not going to talk about the incest thing ok? ok.#sweater weather AU#you thought Rei slowly getting over his sweater fixation would be the end of it? joke's on you - he's infected Akai#the rich inner life of akai shuuichi#iris writes fic#akam#long post#dcmk#akai shuuichi#miyano shiho#sera masumi
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one year ago today.
#i really miss him just as much now as i did the day after#like its less intensely painful but i MISS him#when your pet is like your best friend.... he was just a little bird but he was like my world#so im fine really but it doesnt ever stop feeling so wrong#i went back and read my jounral entry from the day before and after and god#i dont know#one day i'll be able to remember him and feel mostly happy instead of so sad. looking forward to that day its what he deserves#allen
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You know, while we don't think Stuck In My Head/Mind The Gap were bad episodes or anything, we kinda wish they'd been cut in favor of making that time the part one to The Battle of Big Wand, with the actually episode being part two. Make it a whole big forty to forty-five special instead of trying to fit it with a twenty-two to twenty-three minute run time
We actually like everything they were trying to do with the special, but we just wish they had more time to flesh things out and play around with the jokes between the plot moments. The writers probably didn't really have much of a choice with the time they were given to work with and had to prioritize where screen time was used, and honestly they did what they could, but sometimes it felt like 'and now this is happening so we can get moving with the plot'
#fop#a new wish#battle of the big wand#special spoilers#mostly in the tags really#anyways#it's wild that they would go out of their way to depict confetti day as being fatal for the fairies involved#show how *bad* it was for Peri in the moment#leaving him weak and physically sick and completely out of it#while still being so focused on Dev and prioritizing godkid over his own well being#and then just#*not* showing his recovery#having him be swept up in the rest of Wanda restoring Fairyworld and fine in the ending with no actual recovery moment on screen#the man was dying and his getting better moment was brushed offscreen#it's also weird that it took Peri seemingly weeks to get this bad (which makes sense if the buildup is something fatal this time around)#but then Cosmo and Wanda start spitting confetti and turning green after twenty minutes#when the big wand is Off- they arn't *getting* an influx of power right now#they can't even fly#if anything it's when the wand was turned that should be the moment Peri's condition turns critical#with the immediate next concern being making sure Peri doesn't Explode on them#make it a full circle moment where Dev walks up and makes a wish for a cupcake- but specifies the flavor this time#and then gets commercially buried in that cupcake#followed by Peri#having been so out of it he has *no* memory of the anti-fairy takeover or any idea why he's in Jorgen's office#but then he's happy to see Dev pop out of the cupcake pile#it'd really only need to be a couple minutes scene#but it's so weird to have so much screen time of this limited special dedicated to showing how bad Peri's condition is#and then just. not worry about his Not Dying Anymore moment
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man about johnny and malcolm though...little malcolm thought johnny was the funniest person he'd ever met and johnny didn't even really have to try to make him laugh. like well this whole family hates me and i'll probably never make it anywhere in life but wait malcolm is laughing :) malcolm thinks i'm funny :)
#i have landgraabs on the brain you don't understand the zone i've been in this weekend#johnny struggled with school (undiagnosed dyslexia) so he got lot out of being the class clown. he mostly just annoyed his classmates thoug#'class clown' yeah ok fine he was the annoying kid who always tried to tell jokes and no one ever laughed#johnny was close with nancy's dad chester though. i've posted him before. bad dude. but he liked johnny.#he died shortly after malcolm was born and johnny took it very hard#he wouldn't have liked malcolm#he already thought nancy was ruining him with all the frilly 'girl' clothes and the constant doting over how 'beautiful' he was#and oh man if he could see how he turned out#anyway!!!!#this is the fall: extras
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