#so im fine really but it doesnt ever stop feeling so wrong

[pennaraptor]

one year ago today.

[orchidbreezefc]

ive heard that dogs know theyre different from humans and cats think humans are just weird cats. but the crucial thing is that's the direction it goes! cats don't turn that confusion inward like a human raised on individualism and in group/out group mechanics might. cats know they are cats. cats are good at being cats and they do not stop to doubt whether they should be doing the cat thing.

does anybody have that cat poem, you know the one. not mary oliver's poem. the one about a cat growing up with you like brothers but him still being small whereas you've grown tall. i need a good cry

[hagfishviperfish]

eieudururururuffggh… it’s definitely along the lines of limerence. u think its fine when ur sitting together, it’s actualized that this is someone you could never be together with, and really he’s not all that glittering attractive in terms of someone you would want to be in a relationship with anyway. but then there’s the twofold dream of living with him, then wandering around a city aimless with the thought resounding “i love you so much please text me back”

i think it’s a sign of needing to reconcile something in myself but i don’t know what. i am left with these feelings that i do not know how to deal with. i desire him so much but he is not present. he never will be. it’s just how he is. i don’t know why he’s worth it in terms of my brain/heart. as i said, there are so many things about him that are extremely unattractive in terms of a relationship. This is a consequence of coming back into his life, but really this was happening anyway, in the past two years. it was so nice to just sit with him and not want for more, except i feel bad drawing him to speak to me but that’s fine

i don’t trust him with anything in the world, i feel that i don’t really know who he is, if he’s even a real person — but also that it’s so simple and he’s much more simple than i think. except it’s just that i don’t know. i can only assume and assume and theorize because he’s never around. i don’t know why i wish to know him specifically. Maybe it’s an ego thing. Maybe it’s an issue.

I had a dream that i think was a sequel to an existing dream but i dont know. It was like. I was adopted by the queen and king of england, they looked over me and raised me for a bit. And eventually i had to go back home to my mother. This dream was the sequel where I come back to see them again and see how every influence I had on their castle and lives and everything was stripped away and muttered about as ill-fashion— “oh, that old thing.” whereas i looked up to them so much, i was devoted and dedicated so much to them. they taught me how to dance, i taught the king jokes, things like so.

upon seeing all the ways i meant nothing to them I proceeded to have a breakdown in the dream, taking it out on them, everyone around me, tearing things down, playing into the ill worth they regarded me with by giving them something to be actually disgusted by.

My ex was there— he was there because he heard it was me, on the news, in the rumors, and came to witness. he was talking to people about me, telling them who i was and who he was, *defending* me. Which was crazy. So fond. but when i really think about it I think he was there because ultimately being the child of the queen of england and then coming back to see i meant nothing felt like what it was like to be in a relationship with him.

Why i am drawn to people i mean nothing to. I dont know. why their validation in my worth means so much. i dont know. why i see my worth through others. i dont know. this is what i need to reconcile in myself but. i don’t know. How. I even feel like its fine most of the time, but then i look up to someone and it all comes back.

I just wish he cared about me enough to come by. But he doesnt and i need to find someone who does. Thats the path i’m trying to take. It’s just sorrowful. What also overtakes me sometimes is that when he’s not there, he claims to be thinking of me. Stalking my twitter. Watching what i’m doing wherever. Songs that make him think about me. Which kind of makes it worse. All of that and it’s still not enough to draw him near. He was right in saying I am someone that needs someone to be there for me and it was hardly a kindness that he let go of me when saying that, especially considering the circumstances, but at least he could admit he was not that person. it’s this wish i have that i need to reconcile. the fact that it exists at all. I wish it could go away, I’ve been trying to make it go away, forcing it to by looking at all the facts and realities, but yet its still here, I don’t know how to change, I need to be strong

[pathetic-tboy]

youre cuddling your older sister in bed, just on your phone with her arm draped over your stomach, when she moves her arm lower and starts groping your ass

"uhhh big sis? what are you doing?" you ask, squirming a little, a bit uncomfortable. surely shes not doing what you THINK shes doing, thatd be crazy. sure, youre shirtless wearing a pair of purple panties, and shes also shirtless in her underwear as well, but like, youve seen each other naked before! its no big deal! you dont like wearing a lot of clothes! youre family! its not weird!

"nothing?? we're just cuddling, its fine, chill out." she sassily retorts but doesnt stop squeezing your ass through your cute little panties

"uh, ok...." you shrug and get back to scrolling on your phone, trying to drown out the feelings this was giving you. surely this isnt weird. but she moves down to your crotch, and you start to grab at her wrist to push it away. she just holds it there, though, rubbing your tdick through your panties. "uhhhh big sis that's enough-" you start to protest, but she just flips you onto your stomach with your head down on the mattress and positions your ass in the air. you squirm, but shes too strong for you and shes grinding against you now

"sorry lil bro, you just look so cute in these panties. you must really want this if youre wearing these." shes pulling them down now, over your ass and past your knees until theyre off. you try to crawl away, but she tugs you back with a grip on your hips. she was rubbing the head of her cock on your tdick and hole, wet from the groping.

"uhhh, get off!" you try to get up but she pushes you back down into the mattress, while she keeps rubbing on you. you keep moaning desperately while you vainly try to shake your hips to get her off. "stop! you cant! this is wrong!"

"shut up, its going in." she grunts as she pushes her length into your pussy. you gasp as she fills you, gripping the sheets. "you're so wet anyway, dont lie to me lil bro. i know you want this." she begins pounding your pussy, holding onto your hips as she violates you. you only make little "uh uh uh" sounds as she takes you from behind

"fuck, good boy." she moans as she keeps fucking you. "slutty lil bro, wearing his cutest panties to lay in bed with his sister. what did he think was going to happen?" she taunts you as she thrusts in and out

then she grabs a pillow from above your head, and lifts you upper body up so your back is flush against her chest. you weakly struggle as she positions a pillow under your hips. she pushes you back down and re-enters you. you both gasp at the new feeling the pillow adds to it, and she fucks you hard and fast.

"uh uh uh" you can only moan as she roughly violates your pussy. youre drooling on the mattress and can barely even think about anything but the feeling of fullness and pleasure anymore. soon enough, youre cumming on her ever-thrusting cock, loudly

"yeah, cum on it, good boy." she slaps your ass with one hand and grips your hair with another. "take my fucking cock." she pushes your head into the mattress as she fucks you, muffling you pitiful little moans and weak cries.

then she flips you onto your back, and positions your legs around her waist. you kick weakly at her but she just throws your leg back around her back, and thrusts in again. you whine and moan and push at her chest, but she just laughs at you

"what are you grabbing my tits for? you little perv." she sneers and grips your hips harder

"im not a perv-" you manage to gasp out, but youre still moaning

"yes you are! youre literally grabbing my tits while i have my dick inside you, you sick little freak!" she taunts you as she pounds your pussy

"not by choi- ah-" you gasp as she pushes your legs up by your head, putting you in a mating press. "oh god-" you moan as she keeps fucking you hard and deep. "fuck- im cumming!" you cry out, gripping her shoulders.

"fuck, yes, good fucking slut, im gonna fill you up!" she hisses as she fucks you into the mattress. you try to push her off again, but youre pinned down

"no! dont cum in me! ill get pregnant! no-" you try to plead but she pushes her length all the way inside you and holds it there, errupting into your unprotected pussy. "fuck- pull out!" you whine

"fuck, its too late, lil bro, youre definitely knocked up." she pants, still twitching inside your used up pussy. she leans down and kisses you, shoving her tongue into your mouth while you gasp for air. then she pulls out, laying down on her back. you just lay there for what feels like hours

"well?" she looks over at you. "are you gonna clean me up or what?"

"what do you- ah!" she pulls your hair down to her crotch, shoving your face in it.

"i said- clean me up!" she uses her other hand to push the head of her soft dick against your mouth.

"fuck- youre sick for making me do this..." you grumble as you take it into your mouth

"im not the one sucking my sister's dick." she retorted

you grumble in response, but lick it and suck it as she grips your hair and moans. you can feel her hardening again, and you go to pull off but she holds you there

"i didnt say you could stop." she warns. you keep sucking her off, bobbing up and down on her hard cock "fuck, im hard again, think you could go another round?" she pulls your head up off her dick

"fuck.... do i have a choice?" you ask, but you know what the answer will be. you suppress a growing smile as she pins you under her body again.....

[roseworth]

Any thoughts on Bart and Rose?

MANY

they make me so goddamn emotional. first of all bart being genuinely interested in being friends with her in a period of her life where she felt like no one really wanted her around.. like the titans kinda had to look after her and the older titans saw her as an unstable child that had to be taken care of (which is correct. but she didnt like that). but BART just looked at her and thought she was cool and wanted to hang out with her <3

and him saying "its not like that" is sooo sweet bc he really just wanted to be friends with her 😭 ge*ff made their relationship sorta romantic but its so sweet that he saw her and said "idk how i feel about her but i just know i want to hang out with her <3"

also my fav thing ever is that he sees her screaming at donna and crying and goes "this is the perfect time to make my move 😎" its so fucking funny because then the NEXT time he sees her he does the exact same thing. she watched her foster parents get murdered in front of her and bart goes "hey rose! its me your friend!" ily bart. but he just keeps running into her at the absolute lowest points in her life and trying to be friends. like baby shes about to kill herself this is not the time to hang out...

and then. GOD. HELLO. tt03 #12 makes me lose my fucking mind btw

sobbing because hes the ONLY PERSON that ever reached out to her during this era. hes the only person that recognized there was something wrong and tried to help her. he knew her!!! he thought she was lying to slade because he couldnt believe she would do that. GOD.

it drives me insane that so many people who shouldve done something to help her just. didnt. but i understand that sometimes the story has to happen and they couldnt do it. thats FINE its FINE

ooouuuuggaaagahguhhohuguhhoyhuguhhughggaghahhguhhuogouhghhggagghhguhuahgguhhohooouuauauhghggaagahhuhguhooouguhaggahghgh. im fine.

"rose was there. trying not to be like her dad. trying to be something else." ACK. OUCH. ok im fine.

then. titans of tomorrow 🤮

scraps of what could've been....... i assume geoff had an arc in mind where the titans take rose back (they were at least kinda hinting at it in some of the stories) and i so badly want to know what would've happened. i like the renegade arc but i wish we got a story with the titans taking her back :((( i dont trust jeff geohns with anything but... in my imagination it would've been a great story with bart coming to get her and convincing her to leave her dad

and im still refusing to acknowledge the rest of the titans of tomorrow arc because that story is so goddamn stupid and boring. but theyre married or something in it idk

BUT. BUT BUT BUT. heres where i get insane

because ouuughhhh they could be besties but they just. keep missing each other. right person wrong time but platonically because oughhhh they first met when rose's life was just completely destroyed. then they meet again when rose's life was destroyed AGAIN. then!!!!!!!! when rose meets the team its right after bart leaves and later dies

throwing up and crying bc after rose dies we get so much of rose's favorite trauma response of suppressing it and pretending she doesnt care then trying to fuck someone

someone that she considered a friend but hadnt been able to talk to in years dies and she says "LOL that funeral is so boring! haha bart meant nothing to me. im fine. stop talking about feelings and lets skinny dip right now. bart who" go off queen <3 she does not want to let herself feel any emotion so she represses it as hard as she can forever

(btw. i have complicated feelings about this bc as much as its in character for her to repress all her feelings with sexualizing herself,,,, ew. idk if this is johns or mckeever but its one of their faults and i know it because despite defining all the important aspects of her character theyre both so gross about her sometimes. men 👎 but thats a completely different rant)

ARRHCHHGGHFAHN.... THEN. titans of tomorrow (🤮) again

bart spent this entire story saying she was awful and trying to murder her (they divorced i guess. stupid ass storyline i dont care) shes still sad to lose him again. this is literally the only time she lets herself mourn him and its right after hes been trying to kill her. there is so much wrong with her <3 <3 <3

also as i was looking for that panel i saw this one and i think its so silly:

thats my girl!!! take no responsibility for anything ever and always find someone else to blame for your actions 💞 and bonus points for hating men !

anyways. then later the krul run happens and theyre both vaguely out of character but they FINALLY get to be friends again!!!!!! theyre buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre hanging out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besties bullying a 12 year old together <3

also one of my favs because i know its supposed to be "haha barts being creepy to her XD isnt that so funny" but inside my head this moment is just bart getting so excited about being on a team with rose again that he refuses to let her miss any of the action. he grabs her hand and gets her into her costume and doesnt think anything of it because hes just so happy that he gets to hang out with his buddy <3 that wasnt the writers intention. but it is to me

if youre willing to exaggerate. they r so besties here. they are taking every opportunity to hang out because they finally get to be buddies :') we still get to see bart just genuinely liking her and once again he just thinks shes cool and wants to hang out with her <3333 theyre so much fun

and i cant keep looking for screenshots because reading the end of this book bums me out since the new52 happened and they couldnt finish any of the arcs they had planned. lili worth i miss you every day

anyways yeah to answer your question. i love bart & rose 👍 the way hes one of the only people that just. likes her. hes the first person (ish) that reaches out to her after her mom died when she was at a very low point in her life and he continues to just enjoy her company and like her as a person which doesnt happen a lot <///3 there are so few people that like her and want to spend time with her and just genuinely think shes a good person but bart always does!!!!! barring t*tans *f t*morrow bart always likes her and always thinks highly of her when no ones else does 💞💞💞 theyre so sweet and i want them to interact again

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for talking about fnaf to my little cousin?

so fnaf is one of my (im 21) special interests for a while. my little cousin (age 7) has been mentioning it lately, because he heard about it from kids at school. Because of this i've ended up telling him about a lot of the lore and stuff, and trying to explain things to him. Additionally, he asks me questions about fnaf, and I do my best to explain it to him. I also sometimes watch fnaf videos with him.

My mom says i shouldn't do this because he gets scared easily by stuff, and his mom doesn't really like him to see scary stuff. My mom says I shouldnt tell him about fnaf or show him stuff from fnaf.

Both my mom and his mom will go out of their way to hide scary things from him like halloween monster pictures. Part of this is because he got kind of scared of opening doors due to the Doors game on roblox. He is too scared to sleep in his room alone and always sleeps in his mom's bed because he is scared of the dark and has nightmares sometimes. And he wasn't allowed to watch any youtube on halloween because of possibly seeing scary stuff. They think that the scary stuff is what made him scared of the dark and have nightmares, and not be able to sleep in his room alone.

In my opinion, I don't *think* im doing anything wrong, because when I was a kid, fnaf came out, and plenty of kids were into it, and have been ever since. And ever since fnaf, theres been many things inspired by it that kids like. Like poppy playtime and Rainbow Friends and all that. I also loved horror and creepy stuff as a kid. I liked creepypasta, but I can relate to being scared by some of that stuff. As a kid I was really really terrified by the rake creepypasta.

Also in my opinion I think he knows and understands his own limits, because one time we were watching a fnaf video, and he seemed to think the video was too scary and wanted to stop watching it. So we stopped watching it and did something else. And he seemed fine after we stopped didnt seem scared or upset after that. I also feel like in my opinion, explaining the lore to him makes it *less* scary, because he's understanding the "how and why". however because the fnaf lore does involve child death i see how it could be bad for him to learn about it.

He seems to enjoy it though, I'm not forcing it on him and he loves to ask me questions about it, and is excited whenever he comes over to talk about it. Also we've played things together before that are "scary" like baldis basics, and then also a minecraft backrooms game which actually ended up scaring me more than him!

Basically though Am i the asshole for basically going against what my mom and his mom think he should be doing? I can see how his mom especially might think i could be crossing a line because of what she wants for her child. Obviously his mom might know him better because he is her child after all. And because of my autism I don't really understand childcare and childraising. And it is hard for me to understand their perspective. I am still very childlike and dependent on my parents so I don't have a fully formed adult perspective yet I dont think.

But at the same time I almost feel that she is being sheltering, because I've noticed its common for kids to like this sort of thing, and its not always necessarily a bad thing. Because also theres scary movies like coraline but are geared for kids. (My little cousin didnt like coraline, thought it was scary, but thats just an example.)

I feel like also they should trust him more. He seems to know what is too much. Because he is vocal to say what is too scary for him. He seems to be able to set boundaries about it, because he will say that he doesnt want to play a minecraft game that is too scary, or watch a video that is too scary. I'm also rarely the one to pick the games or videos we play, it's his own interest.

Fnaf has been something we both really enjoy, and to me that is special when we get to enjoy something together. I of course still often play with him when its something only he is interested in, but not always. The times I don't play with him are when I'm doing something relating to one of my other special interests and I can't handle being interrupted. Which makes him sad that I can't play but he does understand that because of my autism that it would be difficult on me to stop my activity. I really like that he is into fnaf now because that means its something that I can enjoy for special interest reasons and he gets to hang out and play with me.

But AITA because this is against his mom's wishes?

What are these acronyms?

[ghostismybbygorl]

141 when they're angry and how they cry

Im feeling a little bit angsty tonight 😈

Warnings: self inflicted pain, ptsd, truama responce, crying, anger

Price

It takes alot to get him pissed the fuck off but when he does he blows the fuck up like full blown disappointed dad he will make you cry. This usually only happens if he had a rookie or someone close to him nearly gets killed or a mission goes SOUTH

Again it takes alot to get him pissed if he realizes he getting to that level of anger he'll excuse himself take some breaths smoke like 3 cigars to get his composure together and then he'll address the problem

He's usually just passive aggressive and says some really petty shit

Now he's a silent crier with the occasional sniffer. He's stroke his beard and rub his face with a groan. He hide his face and just silently sit there until he gets his composure. He aslo does breathing exercises to calm him down

Soap

When he's pissed of he'll get really quiet and shit himself off. He does the "im fine" and if you keep prodding at him he'll blow up in a yelling fit.

Hes a angry crier like full blow screaming crying punching things. Hes a whole hurricane when he's MAD

Now he will never lay a finger on anyone he loves if your in the middle of an argument and he starts forming tears he'll storm off and find something to punch. He keeps a punching bag around so that he doesn't have to hurt himself on anything. he wont punch the walls because he'd be the one fixing it.

He one time got so pissed he dissapeard and ghost found him curled up by a tree that had obviously taken a beating. his knuckles will be bleeding and bruised. He'll be a sobbing mess hyperventilating, hiccuping, coughing ghost would have to calm him down and try to get him leveled

Hes the screamer type crier he'll be holding something just wailing. If you ask him whats wrong he will just pull you in a hug and just let it loose.

Ghost

(Alright so in the comics he was in a abusive household where his dad would beat his mom and he would terrorize him with new foreign animals and he witnessed his dad murder a woman at a concert and he just told him to laugh it off. He was captured and tortured to near death being buried with his comrad so he has MAJOR PTSD from it so this kind of falls into the senario)

He tries HARD to not loose his composure in fear that he will be like his dad and loose his shit

Hes goes quiet and shuts himself off. Like price he'll excuse himself and get his composure together. He raises his voice and will warn you that you're pissing him off and to stop immediately. If you don't stop he'll tell you "that's enough!" And storm off

His whole aura will change and you can feel the anger radiate off of him. He's the type to go "its fine don't worry about it" if you ask before storming off to somewhere quiet

so theres this trauma response where if someone you know where to get hurt or something just makes you snap you start laughing i feel like ghost has that especially in the comics he has a ptsd attack and just starts laughing

When he has an attack he'l start with a chuckle and then it just mores into a sick laugh and itll just turn into him full blown sobbing and laughing at the same time

He's also a silent crier so if he's severly overstimulated he'l lie down and his eyes will start becoming waterfalls. No sniffles he just stares while his eyes soak the floor

Gaz

He RANTS when he's pissed the fuck off. He will call you out in your bullshit and roast the fuck outta you. he does the hand clap, waves his hands in the air everything. He's a bery level headed person but if you say something that pushes that button right be ready for a blow up

He doesnt get violent whats so ever unless the person provokes it. His dad (price lol) taught him to not start a fight but finish it and he damn well finish one.

He super sarcastic when he's irritated and is passive aggressive

"And thats why your mamas dead.... dead as hell"

When he cries he has tears streaming down his face and he does the quiet sobs that will turn into hiccups and him rubbing his eyes constantly

He doesnt cry that much (except for weddings hes a sucker for them) and he usually doesnt show anyone that he's crying (except for the weddings 😂)

[zoyo14]

dont kill me pls

uh, controversial opinion, i didnt like the MD finale

[spoilers/ranting]

now dont get me wrong, i feel like the ending was fine, but the trip to get to said ending? ehhhhhhhhhhhh..

the animation is like, the greatest, prob the greatest in the entire series. however, the writing for that episode feels under cooked. like, theres too many plot holes, too many lose ends, the pacing is absolute dog water.

but the biggest issue? N and Uzi's personalities changed. Uzi reverted back to pilot emo gremlin, and N turns into strictly Uzi support with PTSD.

like, idk, i feel like N really didnt do anything, like, you could prob remove him from the episode and it would be more or less the same. and if you look at the merch?

feral N? decapitating J??? i dont think N earned this, that didnt happen. im 99% sure N doesnt even lay a finger on J that whole episode, the most he even interacts with J is writing the "I O U one spaceship" note. like, the N that was teased and shown in the merch vs the N in the actual episode is not the same person. [no i dont mean that literally]

Vs stand? she 'died' fighting the sentinels, Uzi's? she sacrificed herself fighting the solver/cyn, N's? he didnt do that, eldritch J doesnt even show up in the finale, N doesnt really even fight outside of supporting Uzi and V, none of the DDs even get X visors for that matter.

alot of the characters feel useless i think. like, khan doesnt really do anything, nori doesnt really do anything, thad and lizzy, N, hell, even J. this episode just kinda boils down to Uzi vs Cyn with strong support from V. wouldnt be so much of an issue if Uzi hadnt had her time to shine in episode 7 aswell, like, everything before this was building up for N to take a grand stand or something. he should be PISSED at Cyn, everything and everyone hes ever loved got stripped from him because of Cyn, he literally DIED for Cyn back at the manor, only to watch as himself and V are mutilated and transformed into the DDs, and he gets dumped on a planet where hes abused by J for god knows how long, and when he finally starts to stand up for himself, make a friend/lover in Uzi, reconnect with V, they end up 'dying' right in front of him, FOR him aswell.

all of that stress, all of that fear, all of that anger, and what does N do when he gets back to the surface? sees J working with Cyn? sees Cyn literally destroying the planet? hell, even comes face to face with Cyn?? he just stands there in fear. weve seen N push past his fear before, weve seen N confront Cyn before, so why now is he just standing there? or the one point in the fight where he stops because Cyn flashes a picture of a dog on her visor, like, that shouldnt of have stopped him. thats the person he should hate the most in the universe right now, giving him second thoughts over a png of a random dog. like, huh???????

N also never gets a resolution to his literal years of CONSTANT abuse from J. the only time N lays hands on J is episode 2 with eldritch J. who fights J the whole finale? V. whos pissed at J for betraying them? V. but whos decapitating J in the mural? N. huh? what? why??? also this is a minor nitpick, but in the ending where N yells "THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!!! :D" that doesnt seem like an N thing to do, like, N is a very humble character, he doesnt come off as the type to brag about having a gf.

not to mention Uzi, omg. i think in the finale Uzi is just being a dickhead. for example, when N recovers her he openly says and expresses that hes angry at her for what she did, and what does she do? she headbutts him and calls him a bitch. now lets consider V. what does she do upon finding out N is alive? she apologizes profusely, UNPROVOKED.

what does Uzi do upon seeing V is fine? she makes a deadpan comment about how shes happy V is alive. now tbf, she does look back and give a genuine smile, just to say like "hey, im being serious tho", but like, still, damn Uzi.

another thing i dont like is how serious moments keep getting ruined by jokes. every time something devastating happens, you either dont get time to process it before gets resolved, or the tension is destroyed by a joke.

N getting his core ripped out for example, the second i started to panic, like "OH GOD CYN HAS N'S CORE-" his core is back in his body and hes fine after like 10 seconds. every 'fake out' death in that episode doesnt work, because it gets resolved in literally 20 seconds or less. but i feel thats more a result of the serious pacing issues in the episode.

the episode is 20 minutes, whatever, but keep in mind, MD: Intermission, THE FAN EPISODE, is about 21 minutes long. thats right, A FAN EPISODE MADE BY A COLLEGE STUDENT WAS LONGER THAN THE FINALE. WHAT????????

overall i just think the finale comes off as incredibly rushed, hell, even the merch seems rushed. now im not gonna point any fingers, but certain items seem kindaaaa, ehhhhhhh [cough cough, cat V plush, Cyn plush, and random sticker sheet that just uses the animatez box art]

but yea, thats my 2 cent about the MD finale, overall im prob gonna forget about that episode and go read fic rewrites or something

[nin-deer]

Ch 143

i mean i think we all knew deep down the kiss was gonna happen based on the flow of the story but i think this chap reveals a lot about gorou and sarina

(uh warning this got a little out of hand so its pretty long lmao)

so.

i dont think anyone's completely in the wrong, but i definitely don't think they're in the right either. (not that i condone incest; its just that their motivations led them to this specific point. would the story have been fine without it? hell yeah. please i actually prefer it that way. but this is the direction the author decided to take it, so we have to take it as it is as a point of learning more about the character's motivations)

Let's first analyze sarina and gorou's relationship pre-reincarnation. I think I covered this in my last post where I rambled about onk, but gorou is doing a doctor thing where he "accepts" sarina's proposal just to make her happy. We learn in this new chapter that he basically catered to her every request, and that's what started that infatuation. we know from previous chapters that her bio family's shitty, so the only place she would get this love is from gorou. we also learn in this chapter that it's not actually a romantic love but a fanatic love, for lack of better terms. she sees him as her idol. does sarina even know what it feels to be romantically in love with someone? she spent her whole first life in a hospital, isolated from others her age. she spent her second life very curated and protected because of her mom and her future career; she couldn't really live a normal life. (we'll get back to this point later) all she knows about love is through her idols, so she's channeling it into (what she thinks is) romantic love for gorou.

gorou, on the other side of this, is an actual adult who had an actual life before all this, so he knows what a normal life is like. assuming sarina is one of his first patients, its obvious to see that he got attached, which is a very risky situation for scenarios like this. we see this attachment made her death worse, as he threw himself into following Ai to cope for her death. not gonna go too in depth about this here because, again, i made another post for this that i'll probably link at the end bc im referencing it more than i thought... continuing! he knows sarina doesnt have long left so he wants to do what he can for her, thus creating that "idol" persona sarina has for him.

we see in his regret in this new chap that he actually knows what he's doing and is aware of the consequences of his actions. ruby doesn't. she doesn't regret anything. as someone who reads a lot of isekai/reincarnation stories, its easy to joke that ruby and aqua are their old age + their new age, but that isn't necessarily true for ruby. sure, aqua is old and this could apply to him. but ruby? she didn't make it past 18 before she died. she's like,,, 13 times 2. double 13. she never fully developed in her first life, and she's developing in this current life. it's like a continue from where she left off. aqua actually was an adult, so he has all the knowledge and wisdom of an adult. why does this matter? shift your attention back to the concept of love for a bit. aqua knows what she's doing is bad and is trying to stop her, but the knowledge that she's sarina is making him automatically succumb to her wishes. a part of his brain, because of the trauma, still sees ruby as the sickly sarina he was caring for.

ruby is naïve. she doesnt know what love is. all the love she's ever been exposed to is whatever she saw online: idols. i dont even think she fully knows what the concept of family is. aqua is her brother? nope. aqua is the doctor she proposed to and now she has a chance to follow through like all the shows she's seen. she's closer than ever to him, so why give up the chance? even as ruby, she wasn't exposed to a lot of normalcy because of idol culture. she isn't able to learn about the difference between platonic love and fanatic love. we even see this with ai, who she sees more as an idol than her mom. the joy is in her idol being her mom, someone who's supposed to care for her. it's like shes living a fantasy made just for her. because aqua was so obsessed w revenge, he didn't have the chance to teach her anything, and it's not like he needed to learn bc he already knows. ruby doesn't.

aqua, as the one who understands these nuances, should have sat her down and explained things, but he didn't because of the trauma of sarina. ruby is ignorant and is treating things like a tv drama, now that her dreams as sarina can finally become true. aqua doesn't realize how serious ruby is about this because in his mind this is just a child playing house. ruby is like,,,, imagine you die and you wake up actually being sold to one direction. or whatever happens to you in your fav self-insert scenario/fanfic. idk a better analogy lmao but its like finally being able to play out your fantasies irl. she doesn't realize the real world impacts of her actions because, frankly, she doesn't care. she gets to live out her life as she wants. aqua was shocked after the first kiss with ruby because he realized then she was being serious, but he didn't speak out about it because, again, the trauma™. (we see him again uncomfy with the whole situation in the next page, but his lack of objection could be bc it's a scene in the documentary and he finds it more important to get revenge rn) ruby kissed him then because she purposefully created the mood like that so it would fit in the story she was writing in her mind.

so what does this mean? because of their shared pasts, aqua and ruby are put in this situation where ruby can do what she wants and aqua goes along with it. even if he knows its morally wrong, he can't bring himself to break ruby's immersion in all of this. BUT. big but. aqua shouldn't act like this. they're both capable of living out their lives as normal (barring the revenge and the whole idol stuff). he doesn't need to act like this anymore; ruby's not terminally ill. he's not a doctor. what he should have done was firmly deny her stuff he knows is wrong because then he can educate her about the reason why. as much as their personalities are inspired by their past lives, sarina and gorou are dead. they need to move on and live a aqua and ruby. (Harsh, I know, but because of this scenes like *gestures vaguely to the newest two chapters* happens. if aqua stood his ground and taught ruby about familial love and that what she's feeling is probably not romantic, i think this could have been avoided. but alas, we need it for the ~drama~)

-

sorry that went on way longer than i thought lmao. i think i covered everything i wanted to say but im too lazy to read back so fingers crossed

if you made it this far and are curious about the other post i mentioned in the beginning, its here. i just think its some context to my thought process but not necessary to understand this post

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[onlygotthisforkillerchatfanfics]

Exocommunicated by the Devil

Hehehe got inspired so angst. 

Bg info. This happens sometimes after ronin’s ending. ronin and y/n (mc) had a falling out. This caused Ronin to ignore y/n. Everyone in the group noticed but didn't want to comment about it except angel.

Angelic: Hey, are you alright? 

  Ronin seems to be ignoring you…ah sorry I must be overstepping ^^

Y/n: No, No it's really fine

       Your not overstepping at all :)

Angelic: Thank you I was worried

  …if you want I can message Ronin

Y/n: NO

       Oops sorry…what i meant is that this is something between me and Ronin

Angelic: No its fine I get it…

              Well uhm if you ever need me to talk to him im here ^^

Y/n: Thank you I will <3

I cant have angel worry about something between be and Ronin. I slump in my chair as I wonder what could the reason be? Why is Ronin ignoring me? Unconsciously my mouse is right above goreboy. Fuck, should I just text him? 

I run my hand through my hair as I contemplate what to do. You know what fuck it. I need to know. We should be able to talk it out…right?

Y/n: Hey

 I just wanted to ask what I did wrong?

        If you tell me I can fix it

        Look you can ignore me in main chat but i know your there

        I can see your online.

Right after I send that he goes offline. Playing the same trick I did a long time ago. That's fair I guess, but now we're dating.

Y/n: I can see what your doing

       …

       fine, play that way then

       But please respond

For the past few days, Ronin hasn't replied to me and still ignores me in the chat.

“For fucks sake” you know what its whatever. I sit there in my chair for what feels like forever.

Its so silent… usually I’m on call with Ronin and it makes me forget all about my thought. Without him here idk what to do with myself.

What if Ronin doesn't love me anymore? What if everything is my fault? God damnit, without Ronin being a constant annoyance, these thoughts won't leave my head. I just sit there staring off into nothing.

After awhile my gaze follows the fly buzzing around my room. I wonder if my life is as feeble as that fly. It seems so small and insignificant in everyone's eyes… Ronin’s eyes—nothing but an annoyance. I can’t tell if my head is buzzing because of the fly or my thoughts. I spin in my chair, contemplating how and why I’m here. 

Fuck I'm thinking too much. I should go for a walk. I get up from my chair, putting on my shoes as I make it out the door. The chilly air makes me shiver, but I continue onwards. I have no idea where I'm going but I just keep walking. I'm lost in thought as I roam endlessly. I look up and realize my legs have taken me to the same alleyway me and Ronin met. I stand there for a good few minutes reminiscing about the day.

“y/n?” I hear my name being called by the voice I vividly remember. It’s been etched into me at this point. I don even turn in his direction before replying “what do you want, Ronin?” 

“Hmm nothing. If anything why are you here? You gonna dance with the devil again, darlin?” Ronin says in a sickly sweet voice. I used to love it so much so why does it revolt me. He acts like he didn't ignore me these past few days. I turn to look at him and I see blood all over him. Seems like he just finished killing someone.

“Don't act like you haven't ignored me” My voice grows angrier.

“Oh come on darlin don't act like that.” He sounds so happy like this is all a joke. I fucking hate it.  Yet I love it so much

“Shut up” I said under my voice

”Huh what was that darlin~ its not like I meant to ignore you.” Stop sounding so damn happy “I know your lying” 

“Me lying? Never~” Ronin says so giddy. Like he enjoys watching me like this

“Shut up Ronin!” I yell at him being visibly angry. Just why, why did it have to be him? Why did he have to be here now “okay okay listen to me, I didn't ignore you because I wanted to, it was because I was scared” Ronin starts, he doesnt sounds like he regrets anything.

”I loved you then and still do.” My breath hitches in my throat as he spits out these words. He begins to walk towards me grabbing my chin, making me look at him “I regret ignoring you ever since that day.” Even though he says this he's smiling

Hah if he regretted it so much, why didn't he reply to me? He thinks he can just lie like that?

This disgusting piece of trash. I smack his hand off my face. “Don’t you fucking touch me!” 

Ronin looks shocked at first but his eyes change into those of amusement as he takes a few steps back. I glare at him as I continue.

 “You said you were scared and said you loved me. I remember you used to tell me you loved me because I saw you for you. I saw more of you than anyone else. But did you see me? Was I there or was I just your cane?” 

I look down at my feet, my voice cracking “I…loved you too. I was scared, but I was willing to fight for you, us. I let you hide out at my place!” I let out a choked sob as tears roll down my face. 

All I see is Ronin's face contorted into that of regret and guilt when I look up. That was the first time I saw him look like that “But you…ran. If you want me to open up and trust you, why don't you open the door!? You have the key.” (literally and figuratively)

With that, I walk out of the alleyway “Wait y/-!” I don’t bother looking back as I walk out of the alleyway turning the corner. 

I hear his footsteps getting louder, and closer. Fuck I hate feeling like this. Before he gets any closer I run home with tears and snot running down my face. The cold air freezing my face. When I get home I slowly pull out my keys to unlock the door but before I can someone hugs me from behind and whispers in my ears “I’m sorry” 

[shreddeddescent]

i think the the untrained eye the way ive presented my leo and raph might make it seem like their characterization has been reversed (someone might be like aha rise fan ass) but like i think the way i see them is like. okay. raph is the oldest brother and they all know that, but he gets to a point where he just cant be the one in charge. and despite leo's immaturity at a younger age, he really comes into his own when he's you know.....not being abused by an evil fucking father. shredder's conditioning never worked on leo cuz it all went into raph first, and then raph broke apart when he hit puberty cuz alllllll that specific conditioning went out the fucking window.

so trying to make leo get his brothers in line never worked. and he actively fought. and he was actively punished for lashing out about it. that sounds like a classic raph thing you know, being angry and acting out. but we're talking about a kid whos 12 and never had to do that being hit with responsibility. very much like ahaha NO? ends up punished. ends up getting raph punished. shredder thinks its cuz raph coddled him. he thinks tang shen coddled his kids when she was around, now he needs a new woman to blame. so if leo fucks up, raph gets punished too.

raph seemed more put together younger cuz he was barely letting himself be aware of how bad the situation was. he picked up the pieces of his brothers and never worried about himself.

being in a safe environment let leo turn into the mature one who was able to handle being a normal teenager without fear, and it turned raph into a fucking maniac who didnt understand that no one was about to hurt him again. he cant handle it, he gets way too close to his mom about how fucked up his dad is and he resents his brothers for not seeing her the same way he does.

i should also say it seems like ive been neglecting the donnie and mikey part. what i think is interesting about their perspectives is that they don't exactly feel caught in the middle of it, but they're both aware their father didnt care about them as much as leo and raph.

mikey was told he was coddled, he ended up malnourished in a way that stunted his growth and it makes raph specifically see him as way younger than he is and he parentifies himself to mikey, which he accepts cuz like. that is the closest thing to a parent mikey has. they have a weird relationship, mikey genuinely sees raph as mom sometimes, definitely more than he'd ever see splinter as one. she tries, but its very much like 'you just showed up when i was 9 i dont know you but thanks for caring'. he's the same age as donnie but has somewhat age regressed in the sense of like "oh, people need someone to be happy! and be funny! i can keep this together cuz im okay! people need a baby brother thats me! im fine!" but hes not.

donnie was very much aware shredder saw him as spare parts because he was born broken to his father. chronic pain, he's weak. he didnt fight as good. he was told he just wasnt trying hard enough, that shit was all in his head. while he knew that wasnt true he didn't fight anything, he behaved. he thought he'd be killed over anything, so he moreso observed the situation, recognizing the patterns of abuse and processing it a little faster. he was ignored for the most part, used as the bargaining chip for his brothers. 'i could simply give him to stockman to make use of his DNA'. empty threat, he's only got four turtles. waste of money to get rid of him. he knew that, maybe his brothers didnt. he and raph kinda bond over being broken from birth in a way. even though donnie is the fastest one to point out no raph, youre a boy, stop talking about yourself like your body is broken and wrong. he kind of oversteps but only because he hates the idea that raph thinks he's just as broken as him for something so fucking common.

leo's a good big brother to mikey and donnie, he doesnt treat them like they're babies as much as raph does, hes aware of their capabilities more. aware of their mental states more. post escape, raph bonds with splinter too much, leo bonds with them. they might sneak out sometimes and pretend they're cosplayers out in the street. he lets them go have fun like normal kids. hes a good brother, he's determined to let them be kids when he didnt get to be one.

raph would fucking lose it if he knew leo let them do that. but he sleeps all fucking day and has no idea. he's way too in his own head now cuz he's got time to fucking think for once. and he doesnt want to.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Oughhhhhh its like 2 am but im getting so fucking madddddd, I just saw someone be like "dont get me wrong, I love atla and I think Zuka is a great charater but I really think people with low media literacy really took away the wrong thing away from him" and I got kinda excited because I definitely think that about Zuko and him being held up as this great pinnacle of redemption arc writing but I feel like people rarely ever talk about it, but then the post went on and they were like "and by people with low media literacy I mean people creating cartoons nowadays, and by took the wrong thing away from him I mean theyre just giving everyone a redemption arc even though they didnt eeeeeeeaaaaarnnnnnn iiiiiittttt" and then the first thing in their tags was them complaining about steven universe and it made me so mad I didnt even finish reading the tags, I just blocked them. it was very lily orchard-esque if Im being honest

And like, okay, first of all, I think when people talk about Atla making redemption arcs more popular or "trendy", as Im sure this person would reductively say, I think theyre fundamentally misdiagnosing the issue. Atla didnt make redemption arcs popular in kids shows because it was a popular kids show and had a redemption arc in it, atla contributed to serialized kids media becoming more popular where redemption arcs are more common because idk, its just an obvious thing to write when you can write a continously flowing story where there are consequences and where characters can change, rather than having to reset everything at the end of an episode like with episodic shows. I feel like asking "why are there so many redemption arcs in serialized kids shows?" is like asking "why are so many prestige dramas about amoral assholes doing fucked up shit?" because its compelling, next question

Seriously though, while I as an adult like redemptions arcs in general as a tool for teaching kids about different perspectives and that people arent born evil and that life isnt just black and white, I can tell you now, kids dont watch kids shows to learn stuff, they watch them to have fun and drama is fun to most kids and redemption arcs are dramatic, so theyre showing up in kids shows a lot

So thats on redemption arcs in general, now lets talk about my issues with Zuko specifically, or rather, my issues with his arc being held up as the pinnacle of redemption arc writing. This is actually something that the original poster Im talking about mentioned as a positive, but Zuko isnt really a villain; hes an antagonist, but every season contrasts him against a Bigger Bad (Zhao, Azula, Ozai), Im pretty sure hes portrayed as atleast somewhat sympathetic as early as episode 3 of season 1 (although its been a while since ive seen the show so dont quote me on that), and he doesnt really have a lot to atone for because while he did believe in all the fire nation propaganda because thats what he was raised with, he clearly never liked doing what he was doing and didnt really want to do it. Like, all of his villainous actions have this air of being coerced somehow, which is fine, Zuko's arc isnt bad by any means, its a good character arc, but it is really annoying how it made people think that the only characters that its acceptable to redeem are good people who were manipulated, when I find redemption arcs about actual villains who actually did bad stuff of their own volition a lot more compelling.

It think it stems from a fundamental (and very christian) misunderstand of what redemption even is but this post is already very long and its almost 4 am now and my brain is turning into mush, so I'll save that for another time.

Tldr: Zuko's arc is an example of a good character arc, but I wouldnt say its an example of a good redemption arc because I dont feel that he was really that bad or was ever really portrayed as that bad, and I wish people would stop holding it up as the pinnacle of villain redemption arcs when its really more of a well-meaning guy who doesnt really know any better and is in a pretty tough spot rn that makes him do bad stuff redemption arc

[baguantte]

HELLOHELLO!!!

I JUST SAW UR AMAZING HANAMAKI AMD ISSEI BABY ART AND IM DYINGGGG

tbh I thought it was sakusa at first lmao

SOOO I WAS WONDERING IF U COULD DO SAKUSA AND ATSUMU WITH THEIR PRECIOUS BABY???

PLEASE ANS THANK YOU

ITS ALWAYS AN HONOR TO REQUEST YOUR DUTIES HEHE

this will be very long and just my brief opinion on sakuatsu. if you disagree or don't want to read thats fine.

first off i'd like to say neither my requests or commissions are open so sorry about that. but more over this response is really just an excuse to air out my opinions on sakuatsu as a ship.

i dont think sakuatsu would ever have a baby. even though I know its popular for people to draw them with a baby i personally would never draw them having one and see it as out of character. i drew matsuhana with a baby because i find it believable as they both have ordinary jobs (or lack of one).

tbh i very much dislike how most sakuatsu is portrayed in the fandom. i think it works as a ship, but i find my opinions of how they operate much different than the common sakuatsu fanworks. i don't see much sakuatsu works, in fact i actually i avoid most, so maybe its a little skewed to say its different then common depictions as i don't see them enough to decide whats common. what im trying to get at is that i find most sakuatsu works i come across as ooc, such as sakuatsu having a baby.

they both are professional athletes who spend all their time thinking or practicing volleyball. they would not have time to tend to a baby nor would whoever you want to mpreg (if thats the route you chose for them having a baby) have time to be pregnant. i also think its a bit of a misread of atsumu as his entire character is loving volleyball more than anything. for him to give that up wouldn't make sense without it having to be ooc. when it comes to sakuatsu as a whole i feel as though people forget that sometimes someones true love doesnt have to be a person nor do peoples romantic relationships have to be the sappy lovey-dovey kind. sakuatsu to me would be a relationship rooted in understanding that both of them come second in each other life, with volleyball coming first. (well in atsumus case, sakusa just does things to feel satisfied and in this instance its to be good in volleyball.)

if you enjoy ooc works and creatations i wont stop you nor am i going to say its inherently wrong to enjoy yourself. but for me its hard for me to really appreciate those kinds of works because to me it's sort of erasing what made a character so charming in the first place.

[roseworth]

forgot to actually say this in the ask but the idea of jason being his favorite for a time but specifically when he's dead... yeah. spending time away from fanon jason stans really does make you love him more because that would not have made me feel anything a while ago but that's so good. and makes so much sense but is very sad.

of course bruce was unable to stop thinking about jason when he was gone! and of course that love would be entirely unrecognizable to jason when he comes back! jason was isolated even alive! and besides their differing--viewpoints, jason has changed from the child that spent so much time mourning, and is doing things that bruce would find hard to see from anyone, and they're always standing opposite each other anyway so how could bruce, never very gifted in the emotions department in the first place, ever communicate how much jason means to him with all of that? and also there's the part where jason IS going around and murdering people, it would probably be a little hard for anyone to forgive of their kid, let alone bruce.

i'm probably getting mind of incoherent but i just. it is so very clear that bruce and jason care about each other, and it doesn't help their relationship at all because they're stuck like this forever. i LOVE when relationships are like this, ships for example where they never get together but they're in love forever are the best kind, and i always wish more people were just obsessed with that kind of. - emotional stranding? - in other kinds of relationships. maybe i'm looking in the wrong places and that's why i'm not finding other people who like this idk

but that's what makes me so obsessed with bruce, he's not even my favorite character but basically every single one of his important relationships is stuck like this. his kids his wife (talia❤️) his dad. he has an entirely different type of crazy with every single one of those people but the main thing those relationships have in common is that they encourage a lot of growth in each other at the beginning, and then life gets in the way or they grow past each other or miscommunicate themselves out of their former closeness. sorry to ramble at you for so long but what you said about jason and bruce turned me into an animal. i've been a sleeper agent this whole time apparently. stuck trying to think about his individual relationships with his other children now, all at the same time. you did this to me

(original post) hi im so sorry i know i said i would answer this like a week ago but i Forgot. but im here now <3

first of all HARD agree with what you said about loving relationships where both of them care about each other but cant make anything work despite it. its all about the love being there but it doesnt change anything and the way two people care about each other deeply and it changes everything about the dynamic but nothing about the circumstances. its so so good. youre so right that bruce is such a good character for this dynamic because his core beliefs and motivations are so important to him as a character that if he eases up on them even a little he becomes a completely different person, and it means that every relationship he has is strained because he cant waver on the beliefs that make him who he is

anyways. i want to talk about why i believe jason was the favorite child after he died but first i want to talk about dick. to me dick is and always will be bruce's favorite son. but not in a good way

ive heard some people say that jason was the favorite son while he was robin and thats a fine headcanon but i simply do not agree! i understand where people are coming from since bruce & dick had a very strained relationship at that time, meanwhile jason was just a happy and polite kid who liked being robin and didnt have many issues until starlin. but bruce & dick have such a specific relationship that even when they werent talking, dick was still bruce's favorite. bruce held dick in such high regard in his head that jason could never meet the standard, even though bruce rarely (outwardly) compared the two of them. bruce was projecting so much onto dick (in a way that he did to cass later on, which ill get back to in a sec) that jason could never meet the version of dick that existed in bruce's head. even the real dick instead of the idealized dick that bruce had made was better than jason to bruce because bruce had completely adopted the "my son's success is my success" mindset (which isnt necessarily a bad thing! in this case i would say that this is one of bruce's parenting wins) so he was proud of dick and watched him grow into what bruce was hoping he would (a successful, independent hero) even though they werent talking

not to mention! bruce explicitly tells dick that he brought in jason to fill the hole in his life left by dick (the dick hole. hehe) i dont like the idea that jason was constantly being compared to dick because thats not entirely true because bruce rarely openly brought up dick around jason, but he definitely was doing it in his head. he wanted jason to be dick, but he wasnt the Evil Father that some people try to make him out to be. he just adopted jason to have someone in his life like dick was, and he wanted jason to be what dick was to him even though he couldnt replicate the relationship he had with dick because it was so dependent on where each of them were in their lives when they met and became Batman and Robin. and bruce confirms that in batman #416 that he adopted jason because he missed dick and needed someone else in his life

anyways back to jason. i do believe that jason was briefly the favorite while he was dead. i love this post saying that one of bruce's favorite children is jason's corpse because its so fucking real

im gonna get off topic for a second but i swear i have a point. in the play buried child by sam shepard, the mom (halie) constantly talks about her dead son ansel and talks about how he was an american hero, an athlete, and many other amazing things. hes the representation of the american dream in the play, but hes dead, showing the disillusionment of the family. but halie is constantly bringing him up and shes convinced that he was the perfect son and he would've made her proud, unlike her other sons who disappointed her. and her sons keep trying to correct her about who ansel was because she would get things wrong, like how shes convinced ansel played basketball even though he never did, but she refused to listen because he was the Golden Child in her mind and she had a perfect image of him when she looked back on his life, because he was dead and now had never disappointed her

now. you can probably see where im going with this. bruce wasnt as bad as halie but i do think that the idea is the same. since jason was dead, it was a lot easier to think about all the good things and imagine how good it could've been if jason was there. even the "he wouldnt listen" line in that screenshot ^ is the same idea! if the dead son had only listened to his parent's warning, he would still be alive and it would be fine! its a lot easier for bruce to think about jason when he's dead because jason cant disappoint him when hes dead. and he doesnt have to worry about the things that bruce doesnt like to do, such as deal with emotions, and can just create this perfect version of robin jason where he was happy and a great hero and there were never and never could be any issues! if only he had listened!

if im being honest theres a lot of canon evidence against this theory. but canon evidence is stupid and im better than that! kidding but the thing is that there was so much difference in how bruce talked about jason every time he was brought up that its hard to exactly pinpoint how anyone felt, so i am simply cherrypicking canon to create my favorite narrative <3

bruce thinks of jason as what he could've been because he only exists in good memories and a glass case when hes dead, and bruce genuinely does not want jason to come back to life. every time jason "came back" before under the red hood, bruce was upset about it. he wanted jason to stay dead because he wanted jason to be able to rest. but also? bruce would rather jason be dead than come back as a villain. he would rather jason live in his memories as the perfect son than be alive and fighting against him. in batman #618, clayface pretends to be jason and bruce is (somewhat) thankful that its not actually jason, because he would rather jason stay dead than be hush

so its safe to say jason very quickly stops being the favorite when he actually comes back to life. i could still believe that jason's corpse is one of bruce's favorites even after jason is alive because bruce still brings up jason's death and how it affected him, and he mourns what he used to have with jason before jason had his own morals and motivations

anyways. cass time <3

like you said in your original ask, a lot of people say that cass is bruce's favorite but its a lot more complicated than that because especially at first, bruce sees her as less of a daughter than an extension of himself but in a different way than dick. when bruce looks at dick, hes kind of like a batman appendage. they are different people and bruce understands that and usually nurtures that to help dick. with cass on the other hand, he sees cass almost as a carbon copy of him so he gives her what he would've wanted at her age and treats her the way that he wanted to be treated. technically hes right that she also wants to be treated like that, but as we see over and over again in batgirl 2000, just because she wants it doesnt mean its good for her. hes not nurturing her as a daughter, hes nurturing her as a smaller version of himself. and again like you said in your ask, cass is too similar to him. they dont really get into fights because of it, but i think he hates himself too much to love cass that much

and the thing is. bruce has an idea of cass in his head that isnt real. he sees her as himself and whenever he hears something that could change that image, he pretends its not real. he refuses to believe that cass killed someone because HE wouldnt kill someone, so obviously cass didnt either. she cant possibly like being outside or talking to people because HE doesnt like that, and theyre the same person so babs must be forcing her to (which.. im not talking about babs and cass right now so i wont go into it but like. yeah she is). he created what he thinks cass is and what he thinks she should be, so anything that threatens that isnt real to him. if (*IF*) cass is the favorite child, its not actually cass. its the version of cass that he wishes was real (a lot like the version of jason's corpse that he wishes was real)

i love this panel from detective comics #790 because first of all its funny to me that bruce immediately tells cass to go to babs with any emotion or problem. but also it says so much about their relationship. bruce isnt there to be cass's father, he's there to be batman to her. hes not exactly neglecting her, but he definitely is not emotionally there for her (not that hes emotionally there for anyone else. but he certainly has no interest in listening to cass's feelings)

as time goes on he starts seeing her as a daughter and she sees him as a father, but even after he starts seeing her as a child she's still not his favorite. like i talked about before, bruce & dick just have such an intricate and specific relationship that no one can ever meet the same standard. even when bruce loves cass as a daughter, he's always going to care more about dick because seeing dick go through the same trauma as him then raising him to be different than him (but the same in the ways that matter to him) means so much more to him than anything he has with his other kids

so yeah. in conclusion dick is the favorite child but sometimes the ghost of jason or the projected version of cass can beat dick depending on his mood

[lets-jam]

1, 7, 16

im gonna do this for 2077, tho if anyone else does one feel free to specify a fandom

1 - the character everyone gets wrong

hmmm a tie for me between alt and goro takemura. alt ranges from like a generic 'good woman' to the far more common evil manipulative bitch which like. id be more upset about but given we get NOTHINGGGGGGG in terms of content for her about her like i cant get TOOO mad... I GUESS. i just certainly think shas far more multifaceted or SHOULD be far more multifaceted than.... whatever the hell we got. like i think theres something interesting with her setup being like 'sharp netrunner who got hired to make something she probably very well knew was... designed to kill people and could and would be used to kill people, who had her 'curiosity take over' (some fact i heard somewhere) but then also chickened out n tried to stop it last minute, and ultimately was one of the first subjects it was used on killing her body and forever changing her entire being, being forced to survive in a cuthroat alien world of no human basis despite still 'thinking' like a human, being even more forever changed by that and like kinda playing with this idea that yeah it is unfortunate that like traumatic shit not of our choosing can like irreparably change us not for the better, and that we can have dignity/human-ness given back to us by being treated as such even if its alien to her now. course like then its... id prefer her story not being so weirdly tied to johnnys as like a girl he happened to be fucking because... she was there i guess. and thats our only like reference point for her. which is all to say she has the potential you know? and alot of people dont... get that imo. for a cyberpunk setting shes really interesting case of how/what gets treated as a human and what we do when we dont have that treatment/what we do when we're given it back smthn smthn at what point does a self end (with memories? with how we're perceived by others? etc etc) but of course we didnt get to deal with any of that cause the game refuses to even ask these questions about johnny in any real fun exploratory way. and shes only in the game cause johnny fucked her and accidentally killed her... so yeah. and then GORO god this is mostly just me beefing with all the fucking idiots horny for this guy and like he gets fics n posts made about him how he would 'abandon arasaka for youuuuuu 😚😚😚' no he wouldnt! you are literally peon trash to him! he was chosen by a god emperor and elevated in his mind! he straight up believes capitalistic order is fine cause who cares doesnt affect him anymore and its a necesarry thing! which i like! hes completely head over heels for his corporation like a true 'samurai' ie serving a lord above everything else, even 'warrior code' if that ever mattered to him. hes been deepthroating the boot for years n loves the taste! he has never once thought in his life that you were his equal, and he has never once thought of you as a friend he sees you as a true means to an end full stop! hes not some secretly good bushido samurai man! which like more people should run with! if he was given a choice between arasaka and your life he would choose arasaka 10 times over like, hes terrible and i like that, everyone else seems to not.

7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

fandom antics have really made me dislike this one complete side character like this person has like 2 lines but caused such fights in the fandom that im like i guess this is real to you. some gay guy and some woman fought over this side characters sexuality and one like made some weird kin claim to posting edits of him and like!!!! sometimes i have to remember people are unwell. it was fun for a time to watch ppl bitch about that for a while n see all the vague posting that or goro for reasons stated above

16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

lmao sex god johnny silverhand. and related to that johnnys hologram being able to physically interact with v outside their body... ppl took like some 'its there for the cinema' stuff where he shoves v and like grabs their hands and ran with it now we have hard light hologram sex everywhere... even tho ppl shouldve just gotten freaky with it and had them like possession mutually masturbating using vs body like them as a single...being, cause again vs body is the only real thing in this equation and id like abit more realism if im going into some silverv smut, but those are few and far between the hologram sex featuring hologram cum and hologram fingering it just bugs me casue like the draw for me at least is they cant interact like normal separate people, nor can they 'feel' as in feel things like normal separate people, nor ARE they normal separate people like their whole setup is weird, they are literally the same person!!!! and i hate it when people dont get weird n creative in those paramaters with what we're given. esp when johnny flat out says 'masturbation is the only way for us to have sex' too. plus i love the draw of not being able to love or live or interact like you want to... famously i love a 'love' that cant be for whatever reason, despite it being there real girl what were you doing at the devils sacrement self report but it did bug me