#hopefully it gets addressed
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Ch 143
i mean i think we all knew deep down the kiss was gonna happen based on the flow of the story but i think this chap reveals a lot about gorou and sarina
(uh warning this got a little out of hand so its pretty long lmao)
so.
i dont think anyone's completely in the wrong, but i definitely don't think they're in the right either. (not that i condone incest; its just that their motivations led them to this specific point. would the story have been fine without it? hell yeah. please i actually prefer it that way. but this is the direction the author decided to take it, so we have to take it as it is as a point of learning more about the character's motivations)
Let's first analyze sarina and gorou's relationship pre-reincarnation. I think I covered this in my last post where I rambled about onk, but gorou is doing a doctor thing where he "accepts" sarina's proposal just to make her happy. We learn in this new chapter that he basically catered to her every request, and that's what started that infatuation. we know from previous chapters that her bio family's shitty, so the only place she would get this love is from gorou. we also learn in this chapter that it's not actually a romantic love but a fanatic love, for lack of better terms. she sees him as her idol. does sarina even know what it feels to be romantically in love with someone? she spent her whole first life in a hospital, isolated from others her age. she spent her second life very curated and protected because of her mom and her future career; she couldn't really live a normal life. (we'll get back to this point later) all she knows about love is through her idols, so she's channeling it into (what she thinks is) romantic love for gorou.
gorou, on the other side of this, is an actual adult who had an actual life before all this, so he knows what a normal life is like. assuming sarina is one of his first patients, its obvious to see that he got attached, which is a very risky situation for scenarios like this. we see this attachment made her death worse, as he threw himself into following Ai to cope for her death. not gonna go too in depth about this here because, again, i made another post for this that i'll probably link at the end bc im referencing it more than i thought... continuing! he knows sarina doesnt have long left so he wants to do what he can for her, thus creating that "idol" persona sarina has for him.
we see in his regret in this new chap that he actually knows what he's doing and is aware of the consequences of his actions. ruby doesn't. she doesn't regret anything. as someone who reads a lot of isekai/reincarnation stories, its easy to joke that ruby and aqua are their old age + their new age, but that isn't necessarily true for ruby. sure, aqua is old and this could apply to him. but ruby? she didn't make it past 18 before she died. she's like,,, 13 times 2. double 13. she never fully developed in her first life, and she's developing in this current life. it's like a continue from where she left off. aqua actually was an adult, so he has all the knowledge and wisdom of an adult. why does this matter? shift your attention back to the concept of love for a bit. aqua knows what she's doing is bad and is trying to stop her, but the knowledge that she's sarina is making him automatically succumb to her wishes. a part of his brain, because of the trauma, still sees ruby as the sickly sarina he was caring for.
ruby is naïve. she doesnt know what love is. all the love she's ever been exposed to is whatever she saw online: idols. i dont even think she fully knows what the concept of family is. aqua is her brother? nope. aqua is the doctor she proposed to and now she has a chance to follow through like all the shows she's seen. she's closer than ever to him, so why give up the chance? even as ruby, she wasn't exposed to a lot of normalcy because of idol culture. she isn't able to learn about the difference between platonic love and fanatic love. we even see this with ai, who she sees more as an idol than her mom. the joy is in her idol being her mom, someone who's supposed to care for her. it's like shes living a fantasy made just for her. because aqua was so obsessed w revenge, he didn't have the chance to teach her anything, and it's not like he needed to learn bc he already knows. ruby doesn't.
aqua, as the one who understands these nuances, should have sat her down and explained things, but he didn't because of the trauma of sarina. ruby is ignorant and is treating things like a tv drama, now that her dreams as sarina can finally become true. aqua doesn't realize how serious ruby is about this because in his mind this is just a child playing house. ruby is like,,,, imagine you die and you wake up actually being sold to one direction. or whatever happens to you in your fav self-insert scenario/fanfic. idk a better analogy lmao but its like finally being able to play out your fantasies irl. she doesn't realize the real world impacts of her actions because, frankly, she doesn't care. she gets to live out her life as she wants. aqua was shocked after the first kiss with ruby because he realized then she was being serious, but he didn't speak out about it because, again, the trauma™. (we see him again uncomfy with the whole situation in the next page, but his lack of objection could be bc it's a scene in the documentary and he finds it more important to get revenge rn) ruby kissed him then because she purposefully created the mood like that so it would fit in the story she was writing in her mind.
so what does this mean? because of their shared pasts, aqua and ruby are put in this situation where ruby can do what she wants and aqua goes along with it. even if he knows its morally wrong, he can't bring himself to break ruby's immersion in all of this. BUT. big but. aqua shouldn't act like this. they're both capable of living out their lives as normal (barring the revenge and the whole idol stuff). he doesn't need to act like this anymore; ruby's not terminally ill. he's not a doctor. what he should have done was firmly deny her stuff he knows is wrong because then he can educate her about the reason why. as much as their personalities are inspired by their past lives, sarina and gorou are dead. they need to move on and live a aqua and ruby. (Harsh, I know, but because of this scenes like *gestures vaguely to the newest two chapters* happens. if aqua stood his ground and taught ruby about familial love and that what she's feeling is probably not romantic, i think this could have been avoided. but alas, we need it for the ~drama~)
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sorry that went on way longer than i thought lmao. i think i covered everything i wanted to say but im too lazy to read back so fingers crossed
if you made it this far and are curious about the other post i mentioned in the beginning, its here. i just think its some context to my thought process but not necessary to understand this post
#my writing#oshi no ko#oshi no ko spoilers#onk ch 143#jasdlkflsdkajfh#why did it take me longer to find that first post#than deciding to make this post#anyways#lots of thoughts#none coherent#i wasnt planning on doing this so sorry if its too jumpy#i just finished reading the chap and#i had the urge#man i was living glass half full#then this chap dropped#hopefully it gets addressed#i mean its that last panel that gets me#aqua looks so uncomfortable while ruby is beaming
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what is the funniest misconception john has about how a human body works (bc i'm curious, given that his experience with being human is arthur, who is resistant to every type of damage, and his own body, which also is not all the way normal)
John needs to surround himself with more women I think it would be good for him
#also addressing the two m preg Arthur asks I got this is the closest you’re gonna get. Freaks#ask#arthur lester and his three boyfriends#hopefully this is easy to follow I’m terrible at forming sentences. apologies
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something about mei and mk being ‘the hero and the warrior’ except they’re more based
theres been a few instances of mei being upset about not being able to spend as much time with MK (the one i remember more vividly was her in s5 wanting to go on a ‘classic MK and Mei adventure!’ but im p sure there was an instance in s4 too that i cant recall) which lead to some thoughts
ive seen a lot of stuff about them and how mei might end up like macaque, bitter and abandoned by MK, like wukong did. but i just feel like it isnt true. so this is my future theory:
there’d be a build up of more instances like this. mei wants to do stuff with MK, but he prioritizes his hero training/duties. each time, she’s shown subtly being more and more upset until one day she snaps. she confronts him and is visibly upset, yelling at him.
but then, instead of snapping back (like Wukong did) he apologizes. maybe it can parallel the first fight they had in season 1 during the race somehow?
in the end, the two do what Wukong and Macaque couldnt, and make up. MK owns up to his mistake and they both get better. they have their own little adventures together, or something like that
and like that, it shows how they’re different from the Hero and the Warrior. it shows how Wukong and Macaque couldve turned out if theyd just put down their pride and communicated. it shows what they couldve been.
basically i just think they wouldnt turn out like macaque and wukong. ive seen a lot of people theorize that but they arent emotionally constipated enough for that to happen, plus we’ve seen them argue and make up on screen already.
also i think itd just make for some cool opportunities for art and visual parallels
#my usual reminder that i suck at words so hopefully this sounds right#i love mei she deserves the world#these two are peak friendship. qpr. whatever#as for visuals we could also get some wukong n macaque just looking at the two making up and mending their relationship and just mourn#mourn what they couldve had if they just. talked properly and worked things out together#what they couldve been#the void#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk mei#lmk MK#lmk theory#lmk analysis#kinda#im just really hoping they address that one bit where mei wanted to spend time with her bestie#and just hoping she gets some more acknowledgement in general. like she has so many angst opportunities but i barely see any#im still salty that the thing with her parents was solved in ONE episode. like what#and even then we dont see any change bcs WE DONT SEE HER PARENTS AGAIN#mei#monkie kid#MK
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Racing Bulls is reportedly introducing a new floor at Suzuka (via Formu1a.uno)
#like love it because we all have sort of come to the agreement that the AD floor is the main culprit here#and hopefully this new floor would address daniel's issues#but also daniel is missing fp1 so who knows if he'll have enough time to get everything right for this????#just vibes and chill at visa cashapp rb#no thoughts and planning at all#daniel ricciardo
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God, to Buck Eddie is leaving him as well and isn't that the most devastating thing you've ever heard? First Chris and now Eddie, he's gonna be so broken. He'll probably say something like "I'm trying not to make this about me" or "this isn't about me I know" but it is. It is. Oh my god someone wrap him up in bubble wraps and give him a hot chocolate and Eddie plushie I cannot.
#hopefully we'll see his emotions being addressed about Chris and now Eddie as well#ik Chris' absence has been rightfully focused on Eddie but ig with Eddie ready to 'move on' to Texas we might get some Buck spiralling#and all the time he's missed Chris and now Eddie#oh my god I haven't been this excited about a storyline in a while#buddie#mera#911 spoilers
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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"THERE CAN BE a huge range of reasons why a show in 2024—this one or any other—doesn’t have the reach it deserves; endless pixels have been spilled on streamer fatigue and fractured audiences in the past few years. AMC, a darling of the prestige-TV-on-cable era, is in an especially strange position: Even when Interview’s first season was a hit on its streaming service, AMC+, it was still held up as an example of a troubled industry in transition. Two years and two Hollywood strikes later, the situation is even more complicated. As the industry restructures and changes who can watch what where, a disconnect has emerged between what viewers like and what critics do. At the same time, social media platforms—the loci of 21st-century word of mouth—continue to implode, fracturing the conversation of an already dispersed audience. Amidst this, IWTV faces specific hurdles due to the nature of the show. An adaptation of Anne Rice’s 1976 novel that pulls heavily from the many Vampire Chronicles books that followed, the show racebends many of its leads—its titular vampire, Louis de Pointe du Lac, is now Black—and goes all in on the queerness of the books. And it is, of course, about vampires—specifically, vampires who do terrible things. “IWTV has so much that a modern audience could want from a series but, unfortunately, some people won’t receive it solely because it’s a queer horror show with majority BIPOC leads,” says Bobbi Miller, a culture critic who recaps the show on her YouTube channel. “Genre TV is always going to have to jump through more hoops for success than a standard drama.” For the converted, the idea that more people aren’t watching Interview is maddening. One could certainly argue that the show, with its dark, twisted Gothicness and emotional maximalism, isn’t for everyone. But in an era of unceremonious cancellations—even of shows that execs touted as hits—and with an absence of information about the show’s future, it’s understandable that its most dedicated fans would be pushing for more viewers. Interview isn’t the only show whose fans question its marketing efforts; it’s a common accusation leveled at streamers of all sorts, especially when a show is canceled. But in this conversation, Interview fans pointed at specific decisions made by the network that many feel have made this season’s rollout feel so much more muted than the last. “It’s been a conversation that fans have been talking about for a while now, but I think what really set them off was the comment made by Film Updates,” says Rei Gorrei, a fan who dubs herself the “Unofficial Vampire Chronicles Spokesperson.” A pop-culture aggregation account with nearly a million followers, Film Updates revealed they had been denied interview requests with the show’s talent—and since fans were worried no one was hearing about IWTV, they couldn’t understand why that reach wasn’t being capitalized on. “I think the combination of these things along with little marketing leaves fans in a word-of-mouth scenario where we now feel like it’s up to us to campaign for the season three renewal,” Gorrei says. Many questioned the promotion the network had been implementing, too, like the decision to never have Anderson and Assad Zaman, whose characters’ romance is one of the main focuses of the season, interviewed together. Episode five in particular, with its explosive fight scene between the two, would have been a prime opportunity. (AMC did not respond to emails seeking comment for this story.) Other fans raised concerns about the unceremonious cancelation of the widely admired official podcast, whose Black female host, Naomi Ekperigin, felt like the perfect interviewer for a show with Black leads and nuanced racial storylines. Then there was the fact that too few episodes would air in time for Emmy consideration—not the fault of marketing, but yet one more source of fan worry."
Interview With the Vampire Fans Say the Stakes Have Never Been Higher by Elizabeth Minkel
#thought this was a really good summary of the discussions going on which those outside of Twitter circles may find interesting#hopefully the article may push AMC to address some of the concerns#(by which I don't mean getting on with announcing its renewal which I have complete confidence in)#and develop a proper sense of racial awareness#there have been several indie (YouTube channels and the like) interviews with Assad this week#Jacob has a lot of committments but it would be great to get something with both of them#Interview with the Vampire#Internet and Nerd Culture#Jagged Jottings
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Is there a reason why work might not be published if it was submitted to the psych archive? No pressure to answer just curious, thanks for the resources and education you do!
Thank you so much for sending a message because I just went and checked and the way the form was set up, it had sent like a third of responses to spam 😭😭 this had happened earlier this year and I thought I had solved the problem with the filtering but I guess not, I’m just going to start checking the spam folder regularly as well. Tomorrow night or Saturday I’ll go through and get everything that I can find updated onto the website.
Thank you for letting me know bc I really don’t want to have peoples responses and work going missing 💜💜
#asks#a bunch of stuff got messed up when the website came down for a couple months so there were also posts that got put up and then deleted#thank u all so much for ur patience with this. I’m bad with tech so I’m learning as I go#but hopefully will just keep getting better and better#the only reason I would just not put up a response is if it had bigoted content or had too much identifying info#such as legal name address etc etc
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And that's a wrap for the 2024 season! For my part, I enjoyed the hell out of the season and did not end it with closure (through no fault of my own, for once). The only reason I'm not in a rotten headspace about the lack of closure is reflected in my choice of phrasing for the opening of this post: the sheer amount of footage I captured this year and the anticipation of finally getting to sink my teeth into it, putting together that cinematic edit I've been dreaming about since 2017.
Final count: One-hundred and nineteen (119) shows. Three-hundred and twenty-three (323) gigabytes. Seventy-one hours, twenty-five minutes, and thirty-nine seconds (71:25:39) of footage.
As part of reviewing all this footage to begin work on those cinematic edits, I'll get started right away on posting the raw footage to the PARF-fan Facebook. This will not, I fear, be a swift process. It took me twenty-one days to get through the twenty-six videos from 2022, which I cared about significantly less than these.
As a compromise, I've begun posting individual one-off numbers from Finales in Song to the PARF-fan Highlights youtube channel. If there are any particular moments you would like access to sooner, message me and I'll toss 'em up there. I recorded every single Finale from the Saturday of Viking Weekend through the end of the season, with the exception of both days of Wizarding Weekend (as I was ill at the time, no I will not stop being salty about that). I also have the Saturday Finale of Pyrates' Invasion; as well as Off The Cuff on 9/21, 9/29, 10/6, 10/12, 10/19, 10/20, and 10/27; and Whose Jest from 9/21 and 10/13. (For that matter, I have the 2023 Finales from 9/30, 10/1, 10/14, and 10/22; and 2023 Off The Cuff from 10/1 and 10/22; and 2023 Boarshead Brawl with its multiple endings from 9/16, 9/24, 10/1, 10/8, 10/14, 10/15, 10/21, 10/22, 10/28, and 10/29; and I'd have more if I'd realized sooner that the ending changed daily rather than weekly, and also if it hadn't rained so blessed much.)
#for the duration of november and december i don't expect to post more than one video a day 'cause work is busy#parf highlights#parf-fan highlights#you can also request specific highlights at the email address in the channel description#i'll only be checking these platforms once a day so i don't expect to get to any of the requests within the same day#but hopefully within two days#i will always prioritize requests from the actors and other performers but first-come first-serve beyond that#parf-fan archiving#parf-fan videos#archiving parf#parf video 2024#parf 2024#pa ren faire 2024#pa renaissance faire 2024#pennsylvania renaissance faire 2024#pennsylvania renaissance faire#pa renaissance faire#pa ren faire#parf#ren faire#renaissance faire#real talk though wtf were they playing at forcing everybody out earlier on closing day than on all the other days of the season?#i literally only got to talk to three actors and two of them were ones who came up to me#i fucking miss gauntlet more than words can possibly describe
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TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE
What do you personally think of Endeavor x Hawks? I think it's an interesting ship because it explores further the idea of Endeavor improving as a person, and it can help explore the idea of Hawks finally letting down his barriers and being truly honest with someone. A lot of people call it unhealthy because it's an abuser and an abuse victim but I think considering Endeavors current atonement arc it could instead lead to a past abuser learning how to be gentle with a survivor and a abuse victim learning to let go of the pain by seeing first hand that A) They can be loved, and B) That an abuser won't always be an abuser if that makes sense. The age gap is really dependent on your views, in fiction I don't care as long as they're both adults but in reality that's a hard no. I also think it could explore the topic of Idol x Fan and how that can impact a relationship. Sorry for rambling I just like odd ships and I think there's more to this ship than people will allow. Ships like this allow discussions about abuse and idol worship to be had in a way that doesn't make it gossip about real people while also having a respectful discussion.
Before I get into this, I’m just gonna make a few things clear. 1. As long as a relationship is between consenting adults, whatever I dont care. Age/age gaps wouldn’t typically effect my opinion on a relationship as long as theyre adults and have been for the duration of the relationship. 2. Its important for people, regardless of their previous actions, to attempt to grow and change, and its important for there to be encouragement of this growth
That being said, I’m really not a fan of the ship. I think idol worship, age gaps, and the power dynamics that come with them are something super important to talk about, and can be done well in regards to Endeavor and Hawks. You definitely can do this in a shipping way, but personally I don’t like the approach. I think sometimes we (collective, internet wide) feel the need to explore all one-on-one relationships in the context of shipping, as thats the popular culture at the moment. Sometimes though, that can skew or downplay some of the important (and frankly, often more interesting) aspects of a relationship. If you’ve ever seen that popular post that says (paraphrasing here) ““Shipping and blorbofication are not inherently at odds with understanding a story” and “a lot of people can’t understand a story because they only know how to engage with it in terms of shipping and blorbofication” are two statements that can and do coexist”, thats kinda what I’m trying to get at. Unfortunately a lot of nuance is often lost when its put in the context of shipping
I also think that a lot of their personal growth (overcoming trauma and rectifying past abuse) is kind of… trivialized? if they’re shipped. It’s definitely possible to do it in a respectful, meaningful way, but I think for me personally its just not a satisfying conclusion. Especially in the case of Endeavor, he shouldn’t be attempting to make up for past behavior in order to get something. If he’s apologizing to his children in order to get a relationship with Hawks, its not actually “redemption” so much as it is just continuing to behave in a particular way for his own gain
Tldr: Its cool if you ship it, I just think that the most important parts of their dynamic, which really need to be addressed, are often downplayed for the purpose of shipping. I also feel its just not a satisfying end goal for their character arcs
#hopefully this is cohesive i think theres just a lot to be addressed here#i fully encourage discussion in the notes but if it starts getting nasty i will disable comments#please be nice#not a quote#ask#abuse mention#ask to tag#endhawks
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with the leaks to the 2nd to last chapter out can I just ask that we hold off on criticism of whoever until the last chapter is officially out? I know it's asking a lot
#its one more week y'all#AND#this isnt even the official translation#its not even the fan translation?#its 2 leakers giving a brief and very biased summary of whats happening in some badly scanned pictures#i just feel like everyone is seeing the 2nd to last chapter play out#and dooming themselves to be disappointed no matter what happens in the finale#its not the end yet??#theres one more week??#after that its totally fair if you want to hate the way things were handled or criticize whoever#not all of the plot points are going to be addressed unfortunately and some people are going to be disappointed regardless#i might be disappointed i dont know yet#but im holding my opinion until august 4 when the official last chapter is released#being disappointed in a chapter is fair!#but feeling as tho this chapter was the end and theres nothing that can be added to the final chapter to make it better is a little extreme#idk#i need to get off twitter bc its all doom and gloom there#bnha#bnha leaks#mha#bnha 429#mha 429#ill probably delete this later#in other news#that full color page with aizawa smiling is so so good like chicken soup for the soul#those are HIS kids#and hes proud of them#hopefully he can take a break soon and get some real sleep#okay im done
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“I don’t think it’s fully sunk in …”
#I hate the uncertainty of it all#I don’t get what’s happening with his car#new parts have been added to address some issues but still quite not there???#no hope for Suzuka or China as it is#hopefully the upgrade in Imola finds something#daniel ricciardo#aus gp 2024
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brutally reminded that somewhere out there is a physical copy of an absolutely terrible detective conan genderbend au i wrote when i was like 12
i am not thriving today so here's a tag rant
#i haven't thought about that in YEARS but i'm realizing i do NOT remember trashing the notebook it was in#and it may be at my mom's house#hopefully completely untouched because she got so madddddd when she saw any of my non-school writing as a kid#i may have to sneak off to find and burn it with extreme prejudice next time i'm visiting her#(also your skyler lore of the day: i turned fully anti-religion for myself once my mom started telling me jesus wouldn't approve of my fics#(keep in mind that these were 100% G-rated like i didn't know what any cool teen or adult stuff even WAS yet)#also someone at work got me SICK and i am NOT giving up another writing day this week#so fever-addled me may be about to write several thousand terrible words#but future me can edit that so it's f i n e#ALSO ALSO#tw sa mention in remaining tags!#i stopped on my way home from my trip and jesus fuck you wanna know where i randomly ended up?#8 miles from my rapist's current address#and i ran into 3 of his coworkers in the 30 minutes i took to get lunch#what a terribly small world#(yes i know i should not keep tabs on him but it makes me feel safe to be sure of where he is so stfu on that)
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// me thinks i'll be moving blogs. honestly i would've done it sooner if i was better at coming up with url's but uh. due to the beta switch, among other things, this blog feels like a mess. and i need to step away from it. i'll be making that blog very private because i really do not want to be perceived so pls like this post if you want to remain mutuals once i make the move. there's a handful of ppl that i will follow first on my own ( esp. if we've talked/plotted a lot ) but for the most part i'll be gauging interest based on the likes on this post. even then i might be a lil picky. sorry.
#ERROR ( );#// i'm not doing too hot lads i'm really not#// at this point i just dont wanna feel miserable everytime i get on tumblr#// hopefully this is the last time i have to move too bcuz i don't like moving blogs but#// ugh#// ppl can always talk to me on discord. btw. good way to reach me. this tag in particular is addressed to someone. because i know youre#// looking at my blog. that is just to say i'm always here to talk. but i can't be HERE as it is right now. sorry. ♥#// that ♥ looks condescending but its really not. 'iykyk' i guess
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It's so crazy keeping up with the world(news) these days, the amount of things that have happened in such a short period of time lately. As I drove to school this morning, they discussed the possibility of Iran firing missiles at Israel. As soon as I get in my car to drive home, Iran literally retaliated as soon as I turned the radio on. It's all moving so fast
#i miss my middle eastern politics class#its so crazy to think i took that last semester: oh hopefully itll still be relevant!#and now its getting increasingly more tense and dire and i dont have that class as an outlet anymore :/#it was crazy walking in there twice a week like. uhhhhhhhh so what happened#and back then it felt like a lot and now i cant even imagine what it would be like now#i remember the whole thing w israel attacking tehran happened#that was obviously very we walked into class like okay so what happened this wknd#now that event just feels so idk???? not that bad??? comparatively???#i miss that class bcs i liked hearing my prof's takes on it#bcs we're learning abt all this history/context and its developing in real time irl#so id be interested now what he thinks 😭 cause listening to the news isnt enough to grasp it ig#bcs back when tehran was attacked he was like: ....i dont know what to say#so how about now??????#npr made a timeline of whats happened in the past week or so. so fucking insane#i just cant even imagine how he'd address ALL of this#bcs multiple new developments occur every single day. its so scary#also sry cant keep the politics discussion within its getting so much and i dont know where to talk abt it :/#it was interesting reading on reddit but OMG so horrifically biased i cant touch it anymore#also it drives me a bit crazy that theres so many people who just dont pay attention to it AT all#catie.rambling.txt
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I forget how simply I can fall into addictive habits and I forget how many things this can be applied to. I forget how much physical contact is compared to a drug and I forget how accurate that comparison often is.
#I have spent like >6 hours at a close friend's house every weekend since like mid-August#and I end up holding him Often it's usually a Fair Amount of physical contact#so I usually feel great on Monday and by Thursday I kinda want to punch people who aren't part of That Group Of Five#it's an issue! there are so many people I love at school but if I don't get adequate exercise during week or physical contact over weekends#-I turn into a bit of an asshole (this week was worse I had my period for the first time in like forever)#like by Wednesday I'm planning the weekend figuring out how to get my fix of holding him and hearing everyone laugh#because otherwise I'll go insane!#anyways I need to address my crush on him with him this weekend because I'll explode if I don't.#and we're going to the aquarium in a bigger group than usual if even one thing goes wrong I'm killing.#like if the person I Do Not Like says something out of line? gone.#but I think I'm gonna Converse on Saturday and aquarium is Sunday so hopefully we'll figure something out idk#NEVER HAVE I DONE DRUGS OR DRANK ALCOHOL addiction runs in my extended family + sh/disordered eating habits can be considered addictions-#-depending on severity and how it affects someone
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