#he's definitely not cis but I don't really label him as anything else

[zaacoy]

Hii heres some little tang pfp things I made for myself to use on discord, filler while I keep working on this incredibly late valentine's post yippeeee

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

How do you think the spider gang would react to Gwen coming out as trans? I think they'd all be supportive, but I'm curious if you have details

I am going to be honest with you anon, I had been looking at this question for weeks, thinking about it, and...I am not coming up with much.

I am trans, I don't have that much experience with people reacting to that- and I am not making any more comments about that.

Going back to the original question- I think all of them would be supportive; regardless of background or history, I feel doing anything else would be a disservice to the characters, and also, a type of story I really don't have interest entertaining, (Would Noir, being from 40s, be reasonable to have his apprehensions and need to overcome it? Yes, I am interested in seeing something like that? Personally, fuck no.)

Now, it doesn't mean there cannot be hiccups- all well intending, of course.

(Specific characters under the cut because, as always with me, it got long.)

Peter B I see going over the top; talking how brave Gwen is, and that he supports her no matter what, he also reads a book on trans people and tell hims about the people in his universe who are trans. Gwen appreciates it, but it can be uncomfortable at times.

Noir, regardless of time period, would be supportive, but mixes up terminology. The poor guy already struggles with the pop culture lingo, so throwing queer lingo into the mix can make things awkward; specially since, as a spider-man, he has defended the marginalized people of his dimension and is aware of the community, but- that community had its own terminology that may not be appreciated to day. Is a growing curve.

In my opinion, Ham is a much of a man as Bugs Bunny, meaning gender isn't as important as commitment to the bit; so I can see him busting a dress all of the sudden and saying "I get you sis." Accordingly, if asked about his own gender, he is pretty much "normally a guy, but in general whatever fits better with the scene."

Peni I headcanon as nonbinary, so I think she would be happy to meet another person who isn't cis. Definitely would have lots of talk about presentation, tricks for clothes a make up, the works.

Margo is cool about it, there isn't much to say there; she just tells Gwen that it doesn't change anything between them, and she is still invited to come for the slumber parties (Margo has thrown a bunch in the Spider-Society, because anything to spend as little time mentally at home as possible.)

Pavitr: "Oh so you are like a hijra? That's so cool!" (This is a term from a place I am not from, so I can't talk in length about it, feel free to look it up because it is indeed, very cool.) While not the same, he ends up telling more about how people in his dimension see transgender people, Gwen finds it overall really interesting.

Hobie is, of course, cool about it. He is a punk, noncomformist, and "hates labels," he could probably tell Gwen a stupid amount of things about queer history, intersectionally, so far and so forth. Despite using he/him pronouns, I believe with all my heart Hobie would not give a shit about gender roles and dress how he likes, and be okay with any pronouns. This has nothing to do with your question, but I headcanon that Hobie has been the queer awakening of many other teens of the Spider-Society as he strolls down in whatever outfit he feels like it.

Now Miles, is obviously supportive. I think he may be oblivious to many things (I headcanon him as bi for a long awhile, but I am not sure if that's something he knows already or has yet to discover,) so he asks questions, but is always respectful and has no trouble answering. Overall, Gwen thinks is cute how much Miles dotes on her, and reminding her that she will always be the prettiest girl alive to him.

Huh, I guess I had more to say that I expected, this was fun! Thanks for the question and sorry for the delay.

[proseka-headcanons]

i'm back on my "all three of the tenmas are agender" shit (not here i just never shut up abt them in general) aka projecting onto my favs for several paragraphs

tsukasa fully thinks that he's doing Normal Cis Men Behavior for a long time. since a very young age he's been comfortable wearing traditionally feminine clothes and doing "girly" things, and he was never bothered by people saying that he was acting like a girl or anything similar. when he meets rui in highschool rui immediately is like "hmm. trans." because some of the stuff tsukasa says sounds exactly like the stuff rui used to say to himself before he found out he was nonbinary. so after they've known each other for a while rui starts asking tsukasa if he's ever thought abt his gender identity and tsukasa's like "oh I'm definitely cis but i've never really felt like a guy specifically i don't mind being called one but i also don't mind being called a girl really it doesn't matter" and rui is like "...what." lmao. anyways so tsukasa doesn't realize until one of his other siblings comes out to him, because he does a bunch of research so that he can be a good ally and then realizes all the descriptions sound a lot like him

saki realizes pretty young that she's not like Fully Girl but she likes to do feminine things and look like a girl so she must be at least a demigirl right? wrong! as she gets older she deattaches feminine things with actually being a girl, and she realizes that other than the way she presents she doesn't really feel like a girl at all. she asks the rest of leo/need to use they/them for her for a little bit and this really cements that she's agender in her mind since she likes that a lot. she starts using she/they for simplicity since she doesn't mind she/her and she presents very feminine. tsukasa is exceedingly shocked when she comes out and toya is just like "yeah that checks out"

toya has always kind of known? he's never really felt Like A Boy in the way that his parents wanted him to, and even when he was little he hated all the fancy masculine clothing he had to wear to piano recitals or anywhere else where he had to wear like a suit. when he starts to rebel against his parents originally, he breaks out of his bubble and sees all sorts of people and learns about all sorts of queer identities but none of them really fit him and he eventually comes to the conclusion that he just doesn't have a gender without knowing the term. eventually he looks it up and gets the official label but he doesn't really "come out to" anyone except the tenmas, everyone else he just tells if they ask

saki would be like “i think you’re agender too big brother!” and tsukasa would respond with “WHAT” before going “….wait that makes sense”

[instarsandcrime]

what fun words or slang do you hc for our hotel gang? 😊

(Like Husk using "chucklefucks" unironically for example 🤣)

Oh gosh, that's a good question! Let me go down the list here for as many as I can think of...

Char/lie:

-In the beginning of Va/ggie's fall, she was probably very in love and very awkward while she tended to Va/ggie's wounds. And as a fellow bisexual, would definitely throw finger guns and go "Hey...y-you?" before backing out and leaving. This has happened several times. The gay panic was probably too strong for her.

Va/ggie:

-For Char/lie I literally cannot think of anything except every Salvadoran nickname under the sun. I'm not even going to list them. Just think of any one of them and you've got it.

-Similar to Al/as/tor, but instead of terms of endearment it's terms of insults™

Al/as/tor:

-Purposefully calls Hu/sk names that put him down. In Loser, Baby there are a lot of insulting labels thrown his way, and I think after some time Al/as/tor did call him enough of those that purposefully also echoed other people to get under his skin a little more. Maybe some of those were Al/as/tor originals...

-Char/lie's are much more pleasant, but he especially likes to sneak in ma fée (my fairy, normally used for your child) as far away from everyone else as possible, and as close to Lu/ci/fer as possible knowing he's centuries old and knows what that means 10,000%. And as far away from everyone else because unfortunately, a small unfortunate part of him really does mean it.

Lu/ci/fer:

-Just. Just so many cheesy nicknames. He was once an angel, and angels are definitely sappy guys. 'Char Char', 'Stardust', 'Sweetie', 'Dear', 'Kiddo', 'My little girl', etc. Similar to Li/li/th! 'Lily', 'Darling', 'Love of my life', etc.

-Contrary to popular belief, Al/as/tor does in fact get a nickname. 'Him'. Everything else is just an insult so they don't count.

-I really enjoyed your fic Watch My Back and him calling Niff/ty 'little one'. I am sticking with that headcanon no matter what.

-Va/ggie gets extreme deja vu when Lu/ci/fer has trouble talking to her at first, knowing she's a big part of his daughter's life. So despite being straight(????) and not knowing our rich bi history, and without knowing Char/lie has done this, throws finger guns in the exact same way and goes "Hey...y-you?" before backing out and leaving. It's only happened once but Va/ggie definitely still remembers it.

Hu/sk:

-Oh An/gel Du/st. There are just. So many nicknames. I definitely agree with 'Chucklefucks' for everyone generally. Specifically, An/gel is much, much different and more personal compared to everyone else. He'd probably alternate between 'kid', 'loser', 'cher'-- in which he picked up Louisiana slang from Al/as/stor and will get away with it because he knows An/gel Du/st will never look up what it means (term of endearment for loved one)-- 'Ange', and probably when he learns his real name, 'Tony'.

-Calls Niff/ty 'the menace' or 'little menace' for obvious reasons.

An/gel Du/st:

-Calls himself 'gal' and 'dame' a lot. Fuck gender roles honestly, he's all for being called what he's rightfully deserved.

-He tends to share the 'loser' nickname with Hu/sk. But he does have others-- 'baby', 'sweetheart', and 'tesoro'. (treasure/darling). Which is unfortunate because he knows Hu/sk will look it up and get incredibly flustered every time it's used. NO ONE knows what this word means except Hu/sk and has no idea why he fled the room. At one point Pen/tious considers it a threat from secondhand observation.

-Leans a lot towards 'babydoll' and 'cutie' for Char/lie because he definitely sees her as a cute, shining ball of energy (and respects it, probably, considering where the show is going with him and redemption)

[multiplicity-positivity]

Heya! I hope you're having a great day! I saw in your askbox guidelines that you're open to advice asks so I thought I'd drop by but please delete this if you're uncomfortable! I know this is a MASSIVE ask so I really will not be offended if you don't want to answer. Para in this context is meaning another character in my paracosm that I interact with instead of being. If anyone else sees this and wants to add their own opinions in the notes, please do!

I'm really struggling to figure out if I'm plural so I thought I'd get your opinion (/nf) given I've been using the resources off your blog for months LOL. I have a potential headmate who was originally a maladaptive daydreaming para. This para would be a fictive from a popular game. He follows the same archetype I've latched onto for paras since I was little & has told me he sees the other characters as similar to him when asked. I've been daydreaming since I was 4ish, he has been my para since I was 11. I'm currently 17. I'm going to bullet point real quick to stop it being an absolute wall of text! Reasons I have to believe he might be a headmate:

He often expresses different opinions to me or interest in different topics.

He seems to generally know almost all of what's going on/what has happened, but sometimes asks me to remind him or explain something (moreso for stuff several years back).

His voice sounds different in the internal monologue.

I think I've sensed him watching what I've been doing in the past & possibly felt him be triggered by stuff relating to his source.

One of the times he interacted unprompted was due to me being very negatively triggered.

He has gender dysphoria (see the bit below).

He's nothing like me identity wise. He's middle-aged and a cis guy and I'm fairly certain he has a different sexuality.

Reasons I doubt him:

He only speaks once prompted or once I think about him passively, excluding a couple of rare occasions. I very rarely hear from him unprompted at the moment unless I'm stressed.

He has never fronted fully. We might've switched once or twice in the past (though it was more co-fronting). It normally feels like the internal monologue switching to be his in the front & mine in the back. I'd say the terms non-possessive & monoconscious would be most fitting. I think us being able to switch on demand that early though feels wrong - though we can't always. Oh adding it here as it connects but not as a point against him: these 'switches' are sometimes accompanied by gender dysphoria, though I'm genderqueer anyway. His dysphoria is more for being male though (I actually realised I wasn't cis because of him abt 3 years back!).

I can talk to any fictional character I've engaged a lot with due to maladaptive daydreaming. I'm nervous I'm just daydreaming him tbh or forcing his responses bc sometimes he merges with my daydreaming and the lines blur.

I had a past episode where I thought I was a system a few years back but that was unrelated to him (though he was an 'alter' in that) and totally ungrounded in anything LOL.

As far as labels go, I think we might be median?? Perhaps OSDD but unlikely. I got a 35.7 on the dissociative experiences scale denoting OSDD but I got 21 on the MIID (though that felt heavily geared towards aggressive and/or childlike alters imo). I promise I'm not looking for a yes or no or a diagnosis or anything! Just any general opinions/pointers/advice you've got. It's good to hear the opinions of outsiders sometimes. Don't feel pressured to say yes either, I won't feel invalidated if you're like "urmm no that's definitely something else" because it very possibly is! If anyone else sees this and wants to add their own opinions in the notes, please do! This is all /nav /lh

hey, so we (and anyone else, really) can’t confirm or deny whether or not you’re plural. in the end, it’s going to be something you have to figure out or decide for yourself(ves). no one knows you better than you know yourself, after all, especially not people online.

plurality is an at-will label that anyone at all can use if they feel like it fits for them. it’s a label you can put on and take off at your own discretion as it works for you. if you feel plural, you’re welcome to call yourself plural, and you belong in the community just as you are. if you ever realize and decide that you’re not actually plural in the future, no harm done. it’s okay to question, and it’s okay to be wrong. it’s all a part of learning and growing as a person.

it is totally possible for someone with maladaptive daydreaming to consider the beings from their daydreams as headmates. in fact, paragenic as a term refers to systems whose plurality originated from madd or some other form of immersive daydreaming.

switching is not a requirement for plurality. our partner system is plural, and they do not switch at all. having imaginary friends or talking to characters in your mind doesn’t always have to be a plural experience, but it definitely could be. it all depends on your comfort level and how you and your potential headmates choose to identify. you very well could be a median system, if you feel like that label works for you.

as far as osdd goes, we will say that complex dissociative disorders (like did and osdd) do often arise from a history of repeated childhood trauma. these disorders form by helping children dissociate or disconnect from overwhelming stress or painful situations as a method of survival. it is absolutely possible to be plural or a system without a complex dissociative disorder, but it is not possible to develop a cdd without a history of repeated trauma in childhood.

if you suspect that you may have osdd, we can’t stress enough the importance of seeking outside help, preferably from a understanding, trauma-informed therapist or counselor. while we do believe it is possible and sometimes necessary for individuals to self-diagnose, healing from the complex trauma that accompanies dissociative disorders like osdd may require some form of outside guidance and/or support.

we’ll leave you with this post we have with resources for questioning systems. if you’ve been following us for a while, you’ve probably already seen it, but we’re sharing it anyway.

and of course, if anyone reads this who has advice for anon, you’re welcomed and encouraged to share :)

discovering and coming to terms with potential plurality can be a difficult, lengthy process. please don’t rush yourself on this journey, and give yourself space to breathe and process as you try to come to a conclusion about whether or not you’re a system (or a member of one). we’re always happy to help however we can if you have any more questions throughout this process and beyond. best of luck to you :)

[yes0another0outsiders0blog]

Hey, I am working on longer headcanons and stuff currently. Work is being a lot, though, and my brain isn't staying still long enough to do more than a bit at a time. So, in the meantime--

The Outsiders Queer Headcanons : (Part 1)

Kind of modern au? Most of these labels didn't really exist in the 60s and they probably wouldn't be thinking of labels or processing their queer feelings like that back then, but I think if they had the labels and were in a more accepting society this is what they'd identify as.

Warning : homophobia, I can't write about a group of men from the conservative southern 1960s and their queerness semi-realistically without touching on it

Ponyboy -

biromantic, demisexual

preference towards men, but not a strong one... like, 60/40 split

personally, I ship Purly, so there's that. also, Pony 100% really started experimenting in college. like, him and Curly had some mutual feelings before, he went to college and came back like "OH, okay, yeah I like guys, cool," and an actual relationship came from that

Sodapop -

pansexual, doesn't care about gender in the slightest

is probably the most chill with lgbt stuff from the beginning. even outside of modern au, if someone was openly queer around the gang then everyone else would be at varying levels of uncomfortable (because, uh, conservative southern 60s), but Soda would just be like "you know what, good for them!! they seem happy!!"

wouldn't seek it out on his own, but if he was introduced into the lgbt community he'd DEFINITELY get into experimenting with gender. still cis, but plays with drag occasionally and gets damn good at it.

actually doesn't really care about gender at all. won't consider himself anything other than a guy, he was raised a guy and doesn't have any issues with that or any reason to say otherwise, but also doesn't have any strong connection to it. you could call him anything (gender-wise) and he'd be chill. technically, cassgender would describe him accurately, but it don't think he'd use the label because it wouldn't really be saying anything important to him.

Darry -

unfortunately, that is a Heterosexual Man. (nothing wrong with straight people, I'm just a gay genderqueer femboy that happens to lowkey be a Darry simp, so it's unfortunate that I can't see him any other way--)

tries really hard to be an ally because his brothers very much date men, but struggles a tiny bit

wouldn't be mean to a queer person, but is very confused and uncomfortable with the topic because it's unfamiliar to him

asks a lot of kind of awkward questions. like, wants to understand and is trying, but it comes out so weird.

bless his heart

Two-Bit -

probably straight... heteroflexible?

has only dated women, has only been attracted to women, but is open minded

when he's single, he talks about a future partner pretty neutrally or says things like, "when I have a wife, or husband idk I'm not a psychic--"

makes really homophobic jokes out of discomfort, uses humor to cope and is just super not use to gay people. not doing it maliciously, but sometimes says things that are pretty terrible without meaning to

if called out, he'll stop (to an extent, he'll still take the easy opportunity for a dumb joke, but he isn't saying anything horribly offensive anymore), he just genuinely did not know that what he was saying was actually really awful

Steve -

bisexual and incredibly homophobic

so mad about being attracted to men. the fact that he PREFERS men? disgusting.

all of the characters have internalized homophobia, but none half as powerful as this man's.

the type to say that he'd "never choose to be gay" and honestly does think (or maybe just convinces himself) that it's a choice. thinks that everyone is essentially bi but "chooses" their sexuality based on which attractions they act on. desperately does not want to be wrong (but is very much wrong)

would probably have a secret "casual" relationship for a LONG time before he can't do it anymore and is forced to accept that he's into men for real

you'd think that being best friends with Soda, the most chill person ever with this stuff, would help. maybe it does and god knows how long it would take Steve to come around without him. but it still takes him SO long to just be okay with any of it.

he does grow out of being terrible about it (maybe not fully, but at least mostly), it just takes a TON of time and a good handful of mental breakdowns to get there

Johnny -

unlabeled, struggles to tell if he's aroace-spec or if he just has trouble being close to people due to trauma. isn't sure if the two are connected or how, doesn't really like thinking about it for too long.

he also has trouble distinguishing different types of attraction at all.

basically just along for the ride whenever it comes to his sexuality. if he's attracted to someone, then alright. he's spent a long time trying to figure attraction out to only end up more confused, he might wonder about it when he does get a crush but he isn't actively deep-diving into his feelings and searching for accurate labels.

Dally -

bisexual, heavy preference towards women though

would probably never act on feelings towards a guy, those kind of really scare him. but he has seen a good handful of guys that he's just fully, undeniably attracted to, so he knows damn well it's a lie to call himself straight

(he's still going to, tho)

also, demiromantic

denies that he's romantically interested in anyone ever, but he does feel that attraction. he just has to have a bit of trust before he can feel it.

not actually explicitly homophobic, genuinely does not care what other people do with their lives, but he's a piece of shit in general so he'll definitely see a queer person as an easy target. he's the type of person to use anything he can to start something, he's going to use someone being a minority against them just because he's a fucking ass.

[erigold13261]

Love how many of the JJK characters are already queer in the post-timeskip

Since we have… Yuta and Rika (Lesbians)

Miwa and Mechamaru (T4T)

Kinji and Kirara (okay Kirara is probably some flavor of queer in canon but still enby4enby)

Also shoutout to Ilia with his funky gender!

Let's keep going, Happy Pride Month! (you have any other folks/HCs?)

I have a lot, but I'll keep it to JJK characters for now.

Gay Megumi

Aromantic Maki

Lesbian Nobara? Maybe?

Aroace Yuji? No labels Yuji? He appreciates people's inner beauty but also isn't opposed to looking at what he sees as a pretty woman. Demisexual aromantic straight? Or maybe more like Aegosexual homoromantic? Some kind of gray-asexual at the very least, and either homoromantic, aromantic, or demiromantic, but very much needs time to form a romantic bond.

Aroace Kento

Lesbian Utahime

Toge is SOMETHING. What? I don't know yet lol. Possibly gay

Gay Satoru. He/him nonbinary with sky/blue pronouns

Either gay or bi Suguru. Leaning towards bi. He's also he/him enby

Aroace agender Shoko

Transman bisexual Haibara

I think I got an ask about Todo being a gnc cisgender guy and I like that (him dressing in drag in his free time seems like something he would do, it would also be neat for Kento to introduce Dodo to Todo since Dodo also does drag)

Nonbinary Uraume

Genderfluid Takaba

Noritoshi, like Toge, is something, but I don't know what. Might go with aromantic, asexual, or aroace

I don't mind trans Yuki, but honestly her and Choso being cishet together is something I like a lot

Choso, Eso, and Kechizu (along with any other death paintings if they were reborn) probably have some identity issues that would translate to their gender because of their memories from their vessels mixing in with the nature of their own consciousnesses

OH! Actually, with that! I think I'd like Yuki to be a detransitioned cis woman (so she thought she was a transman/transmasc for a bit of her life but then realized she was a woman). She helps Choso find out who he is as him and not just as a curse/entity, human, vessel!

Aroace Sukuna maybe? Like high libido but just does things for the pleasure of physicality rather than a drive he has

Curses don't really have sexualities/genders that can be easily translated to human society, similar for how Trolls can't really be "queer" in a human lens as they have their own societal structure on gender and romance.

That being said:

She/Her Hanami, no gender or sexuality (anything is a go for her but she wouldn't use the pan or bi or omni labels, or any gender labels. She's fine with anything and is very passive on her self image)

He/Him Jogo, possibly gay, possibly aroace and just wants connections with people without realizing it (kinda the same idea of how Eve needs others to make herself feel complete, so perhaps Jogo is like her and also demisexual/demiromantic)

Mainly he/him Mahito, but honestly I can see him using any pronouns (especially any of my human Mahitos who are usually genderfluid. Even if curse/entity Mahito just uses he/him, I can still see him being genderfluid in a sense of physically changing his form to whatever he likes including a feminine and androgynous form)

They/Them Dagon. No thoughts, head empty when it comes to gender or sexuality. It's not really something they dwell on at all. Closest thing would probably be agender?

He/Him Kurourushi. Transmasc aroace lesbian or sapphic? (made an art of curse Kurourushi and Smallpox Deity and someone tagged it as wlw and that shit hit me hard! So Kurourushi is definitely transmasc, but might identify genderwise as still a woman or at least nonbinary). [This also goes for my human versions]

She/Her Smallpox Deity. Acoace lesbian, Cisgender

He/him, maybe also they/them Ko-guy. Transmasc/transman

Rainbow Dragon is something. At least their human version is. They/them for them, but not sure about anything else, or if their curse version is anything. I need to revive them as a curse/entity in the Eriverse lol

Don't know about the Roppongi curse, but they have something going on with the Mannequin, but it's not FWB or something like that. Possibly a QPR? Also I think he/they for Roppongi curse (which I still need to make a name for them)

They/Them Mannequin Curse. Acts like a knight in shining armor for Roppongi curse. Will throw their life away for him. I think it's kinda like how Pearl is with Rose Quartz, but also not exactly that way. Very much a lot of love there but not in a romantic or sexual way. Possibly aroace, at the very least aromantic.

Kenjaku identifies as a cisgender man, he/him. However, when he is in a female body then technically he could be seen as transgender. He will play the part of a woman based on society's expectation in order to fit in to get what he wants, but he still always identitfies and believes he is still a cisgender man. His sexuality though is probably all over the place or demisexual where he needs to get attached to the person himself (with some exceptions he's had in his life). Otherwise he is just following the instincts of his body if he gets bored enough and wants to have fun.

I think Miguel Oduol and Larue have explored each other at some point? But like just to see what it was like? Otherwise I see those two are cishet.

Manami is bisexual but really has only dated men. Usually just has fantasies about women but never really acts on it, not because of society or something, but because she hasn't had a chance really

Toshihisa Negi. I almost forgot about this guy from Suguru's group, but his design looks really cool/fun and I can see him being queer. Perhaps he is bisexual as well or gay.

Alright, that's all I have for right now. I probably missed a major one somewhere (had to go back and write for Yuji and Nobara because I forgot those two lol). But yea, this is what I got at least for the JJK cast! Both can be applied to Eriverse and JJKverse (and some for my Swap JJK AU as well lol).

[lighthousegod]

Recently, my cis lesbian roommate made a comment about "he/theys" that kinda stuck with me. She said these people, on her dating app, were matching with her and ignoring that she had lesbian in her bio.

We'd had convos about whether trans mascs and trans men could be lesbians (im a transmasc person, but not a lesbian, although ive identified with the label before), and I'm all for he/him lesbians and trans men who are lesbians- I've researched, I know Stone Butch Blues, I don't think telling anyone they can or can't be anything is right.

So this sorta stuck with me. I went, "but. They probably identify as nonbinary if they use they, and even if they don't, trans guys sometimes ID as lesbians too." And she was like "well, but I'm not attracted to masculine people." And I brought up that she does usually like butch lesbians (who definitely use other pronouns besides she/her sometimes!), and she sorta brushed me off, saying there was a different "vibe" between transmascs who use he/they and butches (even though they... sometimes are the transmascs she's talking about???)

So I was like "well, do you have 'looking for femmes' in your bio or something?"

"No."

"Then how are they supposed to know??"

"I don't know it's just my preference!!"

It was super. Odd. I should say, my roommate is cis but uses she/he pronouns. She is, in fact, a lesbian who uses he/him sometimes, as he identifies as bigender *but not a man, ever.

I just find this all so confusing. I mean, let's think about it, fr.

So the popular idea today is that lesbians cannot be men, so trans men can't be lesbians.

Now, here's what that implies: if trans men can't be lesbians, then they are always in the same category as cis men. Now, of course, some trans men ARE in that category, usually binary trans men- and they're all men, right, so every man is under that umbrella. But still, gender isn't so simple. Trans men and transmascs have vastly different experiences between each other and especially cis men. This isn't to do with internal identity, but outward perception. Regardless of whether I'm a man or not, the world has seen me as a woman all my life. That makes it very hard to be accepted and comfortable in mlm spaces, especially when theres so much transphobia in the cis gay community. Plenty of trans men are stealth, or simply have a supportive community, and are welcomed like a cis man would be. But that's not the case for everyone, and not every trans man WANTS to be treated in the same way a cis man might.

But whatever, okay, let's go with that. Trans men are men and lesbian means non-man attracted to non-man, so they're not included cause it's invalidating to (some) trans men, regardless of if they've identified with the label lesbian for years or feel unsafe in mlm spaces bc of how overwhelmingly cis they can be, or whatever else.

So... what about nonbinary men, then? Nonbinary women seem to be accepted, not just nb fems but those who identify as both nonbinary AND a woman- so why are nonbinary men not?

"Because they have man in their identity and lesbians can't like men"

So.. what about bigender people? People who are both men AND women. They can't be lesbians? I guess not.

But let's say they can, and we're just excluding binary trans men from the term lesbian..

People often bring up "would you accept a cis man identifying as a lesbian?" As an arguing point here. Bringing it back to my original point, would you accept a "he/they"? What if they were amab, and had no interest in transitioning? Or a transmasc person who DID? I just saw a transfem lesbian saying she couldn't possibly let trans men with full beards into lesbian spaces as it was transphobic and wrong- aren't there transfem lesbians who don't want to shave or get their face lasered? What do sex characteristics have to do with it? I thought we were trying to avoid labels based on that sort of thing.

So at the end of the day, I guess it really is about the label of "man." What's that even mean? That's literally just a word. I'm so confused.

[yomiurinikei]

okie. pride hcs uhhh im just gonna do dra for now kiss kiss

under the cut for length! i'm not discussing theeee ch1 killer in this post everyone else is here tho, and! mentions of internalized homophobia/transphobia, aaand minako being a bad parent- ALSO k1nj0ma3 mention in the last section, i don't know anyone who needs it tagged but yk

kiyoka: bi! i think she'd just like.... not even consider that she could be anything but her for a long time, then when she finally realizes, it's because she's crushing on a girl, and she assumes that like "oh ig im a lesbian then bc i don't like any guys!" it. takes her a moment, but she does eventually realize she doesn't have to actively be crushing on a guy and a girl to be bi. also shes cis i'm sorry i think. she's one of those characters who's like... their experiences can be seen as an allegory for being trans but it doesn't work for their character for them to be trans. obvi all trans kiyoka hcs are so so so valid! i just don't see it

kizuna: lesbian. i'm sorry her entire thing with guys is literally just because of how she was raised/it's entirely comphet. she hasn't even considered she could be a lesbian and prolly has some internalized homophobia tbh. i also think she's cis just because i. Do Not think minako would go "oh yes obvi if ur trans that's fine u just have to find a rich boy to seduce ☺️" it does not fit. however i think if she felt safe enough to question she may end up id'ing as a demigirl

ayame: trans wlw. she doesn't put a label on her attraction beyond that, she knows she likes girls, she knows she is a girl, and that's all that rlly matters to her rn. she's still working out how to even talk with people, let alone pretty girls, so she doesn't need to stress out about semantics

kanata: trans bi!! briefly considered trans het but i do think she'd like girls, i just see her as having a male lean? she's generally not very interested in relationships, just because she doesn't really socialize a lot with people who aren't patients, so...

kakeru: iiid say bi? i don't have a lot to say here i think he's just chill about things and takes any crushes or anything that happens as it happens. he knows and understands he can't control who he likes, so he's just. waiting for his person :] also i kinda see him as nb anywyas

kinji: cis gay but also if you asked him abt his gender and like..... gave him cause to think about it he'd definitely have a crisis over it. ultimately just can't find the words or anything consistent so he. decides to ignore it. he uses he/him, likes guys, and if/when he's with a guy, it's a queer relationship. that's all that matters to him

haruhiko: the thing with satsuki was comphet on his end and my proof is his ftes. why do you care so much about getting a girl, haru? so you can be closer to your bros by the shared experience? okay haru. he's so fucking gay and so oblivious. i think. he's another one who's not really huge on crushes though, he finds people rlly attractive sometimes, but it's mostly. appreciation, not a desire to be with them. also he's trans but i don't really have anything to say there he just. Is ftm

satsuki: trans bi. ik ive hc'd her as a lesbian in the past but i just think she's got a slight female lean. who knows what i'll end up saying next year!! ig we'll find out. anyways she did. like haru but also it never really felt right to her? didn't feel bad or anything, but as much as being all lovey-dovey with him made her happy, she just never rlly saw it going further/lasting . she's another one i can rlly see as being nb!

yamato: like.... mlm? nblm? not to get into like.... hyper specific stuff this is the first time i've felt the need to do this for this post so i feel a bit bad put. id honestly put him as genderflux. sometimes he id's as non-binary, sometimes a demiboy, sometimes hes solidly a trans guy, but since it usually stays in that range, and too him, it feels like a spectrum between those labels, he just sticks with genderflux masc + gay

mikako: lesbian also i'd say demigirl. i don't. have a lot to say here tbh. i can also rlly see her as pan but??? idk!

akane: lesbian. i can also. see her as bi but idk i kinda think that the utsuro thing would put her off guys. not that it was necessarily,, traumatic? she's rlly solidly at peace with what happened there and she's moved on from "he saved me i must devote myself to him i guess this is love" but she just... hasn't rlly been into a guy since/doesn't think she'll feel that way again, so she generally calls herself a lesbian, for the ease of it. also i have 0 thoughts on her gender identity oop-

utsuro: . ???????? tbh ive never.... really had utsuro ships (this is.... very close to the truth so well let the small lie slide). he's one where i don't rlly see him with girls, but also yk i don't. think he'd label himself or be into anyone. i also wouldn't say aro????? he's just completely abstained from having any thoughts or feelings on relationships whatsoever. ,,,in fact, would be really be able to have one? we all know. how he feels abt his luck, couldn't he pull anyone he wants? i don't think that would make him happy, and that doesn't make for a good relationship. he really just can't connect with people properly irregardless of love so. anyways he's ftm

teruya: COMPHET LEVEL 100 only kizuna beats him for level of comphet. he definitely gets really bad crushes on guys really easily but he can't.... recognize them as crushes, and latches onto any guy like crazy. but. yk. he prolly doesnt realize this for a while so......... rip. i think he's amab and like.. doesn't particularly feel like a guy, but calling himself anything else feels Wrong, whereas being a guy is just like. a thing to him so. it's fine by him!

rei: she's like. canonically celibate and i'm 90% sure linuj said she'd like. abstain from all relationships if she ever felt attraction and tbh i'm not.... gonna comment on that whatsoever but also she's definitely a lesbian. she's cis i think i don't see her as trans ig

tsurugi: gay. i know i've made a lot of the guys on this list mlm but it's not.... my fault i'm going off linujs writing and my vibes and i've written a whole essay about how you can read the entire franchise and track linujs shifting queer views so.. it's not my fault that all the guys in dra are limp in the wrist. anyways back to tsurugi. he was totally into kouhei he just didnt realize and it wasn't until his ftes with maeda. wherein he started to crush on maeda. he rlly is my poor little meow meow but anyways he prolly finds a good husband one day so it's okay. also we started off with "you feel so trans but it does not work with your story" and ig we're ending with it too.

im hungry now and also kinda dizzy i might go have grapefruit. if u read this far: make sure to eat ur fruits and get ur vitamins 🥰

[kashacreates]

AHHH!!! Hiiii!!! (@my-writblr here)! I saw where you reblogged my WIPs! Thanks :D

I just saw your introduction post where you share you were a transman. (I'm agendered! Not quite the same, so I wanted to ask two questions. Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer! Nooooo pressure or expectation!)

I'm writing a transman character and while he does end up coming out to his crush, the crush is like "I'm so sorry you felt like you had to come out to me! I should have been a safe place for you where you didn't feel the need." And is just generally supportive, but also I don't want her [the crush] to make it about her. I want it to be a mutual "Oh hey this is something I want you to know about me" and a "Oh!" moment.

I kind of *do* set it up to be a stomach drop moment where you think for like three words of her sentence she isn't going to be supportive but it's really just her feeling like a bad friend for worrying that she wasn't a safe space to be. But I want it to quickly turn around where it's a "Wait you're not upset I'm trans?" and she's like "Never in a million years!" SO Question 1: So does that sound like an okay scene (asking as a writer as well)? Or is it too cliche? It's not the big climax of the story or anything. It happens within the first half of the book. It's just another "secret" being uncovered between these two (The Crush being an ace and The Transman being aro and they still have a mutually beneficial relationship with a third member in a polyamorous triangle.)

Question 2: What are some things as a transman you want to see in transmale characters? Any do's/don'ts?

Thank you for the ask!

Let me give some more information about me before I answer those, as my answers may differ from another transman's answers. I also believe that a few of my mutuals are also transmasculine and I invite them to reblog this with their answers to this question as well. :D

I'm a closeted transman in my 30's who hasn't transitioned due to finances and health problems. I'm currently more financially stable, but the city I live in is very conservative and there is a real chance I'd lose my job should I start. I'm very open online but guarded in meatspace about it. However, non-professional friends tend to know so I haven't had to "come out" to a partner since they already know who I am, essentially.

I'm also an inclusionist, community-wise. This means that I see that the breadth, depth, hue, and intensity of human emotion is so vast that our language fails to accurately capture it. Also that the function of labels function better to find people similar to ourselves. I'm not one for discourse so take what I'm saying here as my experience, what I've read, and etc.

As to my answers:

Question 1: The scene seems fine to me since it's not a main plot point and seems to function as a way to inform the reader. If the focus is on the interpersonal side of things, I don't see a lot of writers handle the afterwards of coming out often. Even the most open-minded ally tends to have some preconceived notions. This means there's a growing period afterwards where both people learn how to deal with the knowledge: the cis person figures out pronouns, names, how to be respectful, etc. and the trans person figures out how to navigate helping someone else figure them out (it's very awkward! And rather unavoidable.) This is true for polyamory as well-people take a minute to learn and that is okay.

Also, people do tend to "make things about themselves." It is an inherent part to how we relate with each other. We tend to give-and-take in discussion. She should just avoid talking over him and engage with what he's saying along with whatever she has to say. I would definitely include why he wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to her prior to that, whether it's something she's said, it's purely a personal issue, etc. Question 2: Transpeople are like any other minority: not a hivemind where everyone agrees on what is proper. As long as you make a fully-fledged character that isn't a carbon-copy of a negative stereotype, I can at least take a story in good faith. (As an aside, there's been a rash of transandrophobia on Tumblr that makes for a great "what does hate against transmen look like. It can be found in transandrophobia tags and other places. Obvious cw and tw for transphobia.)

Honestly, the way I make trans characters is make a character then later go "Ah, they're trans."

I'm finding it difficult to put into words, but two things I'd avoid are transmen characters that are a little too uwu too cute and pure bean for this world and like transmen who transition explicitly to avoid misogyny. These simultaneously infantilizes and fetishizes us or turns us into horrid cudgel for terf rhetoric.

Something I wish more people would show in trans-media in general is a focus on gender euphoria versus dysphoria. The utter giddiness of getting to do something that actually feels right after feeling wrong or neutral for so long. It can be something as small as a shirt that fits right or getting the first hint of a beard or something more typical like cutting off long hair or getting the first binder and so forth. Being trans isn't a tragedy, there is a lot of joy in it too.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

IDK if anyone else relates but I just wanna share it somewhere & I've gotten the least hate on Tumblr so....

((gender questioning journey share, here we go! & as always, hate will be blocked & deleted - I respect you're a human person but I don't give you authority over my identity & journey to experiencing the happiest life I can.))

I'm at the point in my journey with gender where I can comfortably say “eh, I dunno what I am but I'm not a girl”.

I started off desperate for a label. I wanted to name it, understand it, see my experience in words. I wanted to say I was genderfluid, then nonbinary, then a transman, then....

I’m masculine and agender. That's all I know. ¿Demiboy? Maybe. ¿Bigender? Maybe. ¿Nonbinary? Definitely.

¿Do I feel masculine? Yea, sort of. I’m a man—my own perception of one, for sure.

¿Do I feel like a genderless void entity floating timelessly in existence, somehow existing inside this weird lil meatsuit powered by an electrified muscle that sort of holds my soul with shapes I don't like that can't capture the endless void that is me? Also yes.

¿Do I have a *set* label for it? No. But I'm okay with that.

I’m me. I’m nonbinary. My pronouns are he/him and they/them, & honestly some other pronouns (xey/xem, fae/faer) kinda make me feel good too.

The only thing I know for sure about my gender is that my feminine energy does not align with what I feel to be woman/girl identity (what I feel in my soul to be woman vs feminine - it's more of a, feminine is not woman, there are masc women & feminine men & androgynous people that mix both, I don't feel woman or girl in my soul but I do feel something feminine & nurturing and creative).

Feminine is a bendy loopy energy that just is, and everyone has a little of it. But woman doesn’t align with me. She/her does not align with me. Honestly I dissociate/depersonalize every single time someone calls me ma’am or refers to me as she/her.

And I’m okay with that.

And I’m okay with that.

¿Why is this a big deal?

....I questioned if I was truly cis when I was six years old, fifteen, seventeen, & went ‘nah I love the power swoosh & twirly of dresses & people tell me I'm feminine so I can't be anything but Girl™, Woman™, She/Her™’. I was one of the people who noticed it young & put it off as a problem for another day.

So when I allowed myself to genuinely question, to experiment, to feel gender euphoria....

I was nineteen, going on twenty.

I am now turning twenty-two in less than a month (Nov 19). And it has taken this long to know who I am & be ready for HRT.

I was 19 when I said ‘okay, maybe I need to actually work through this’. I got a therapist and talked about my feelings and presentation and...and she diagnosed gender dysphoria with confidence. And I knew I was right all along. But ¿what, then, was I?

((note - that's not to say everyone needs a diagnosis, or that dysphoria is the only way to know. I was insecure needing validation to really deeply question. A diagnosis set my questioning free. There are other ways to know too 💖.))

I wanted a set label. I wanted something I could throw out to the world, I am me, this is me, please send someone who will accept me.

It took three years to get here.

Three years. And now I feel comfortable saying ‘I don't know the right label, nonbinary is a fuzzy category and I know my perception of gender is affected by my ADHD & autism, but I am comfortable just being me.’

I’m finally here.

It’s self tolerance at the least, but it feels more like self acceptance and self love, or the beginning steps of it.

And I’m so proud.

So for anyone else who felt like I did...

You don't need a label. They probably won't get it anyway.

Be you. Take up space, make that space your own. Present how you want, transition the way you want, command respect, and learn to put your foot down when people don’t “respect” your pronouns & fuzzy identity.

You are already good enough. You are already strong enough, and soft enough. You may not be in a safe place to figure it all out yet, but you’ll get here too.

I am nonbinary. I want he/they.

& the people who love me & respect me won’t demand me to change. I can have grace & acceptance for the time it takes them to learn, & still not tolerate demands for change or simplicity.

I am allowed to have feminine energy without being a girl. I am allowed to have masculine energy without being completely a man. I am allowed to be nonbinary. And so are you.

I am allowed to unbecome what I was forced to be, and become who I wanted to be from the start. You can unbecome who they forced you to be and build a new you too.

So wherever you may be in your self love journey, healing journey, self acceptance journey, & nonbinary journey, know that I see you and you are already valid enough even if they don't see you yet.

And (as a multiplicity system) we’ve finally found a name for the body that we can all agree on too: Stardust.

Let us reintroduce ourselves to the world now that we've gotten this far: We are Stardust (the Void Galaxy is absolutely still acceptable, we love our system name), & our pronouns are he/they. We are transmasc nonbinary.

~Stardust (AKA the Void Galaxy), he/they

[mxbitters]

hey so i think i might be trans (ftm) and since ur genderqueer and stuff i wanna ask, did you feel dysphoria when you were really young? i don't remember getting it when i was younger that six maybe, but it got a lot worse once i turned around seven or eight. idk. do u have any advice?

hey!!!  it’s great to hear you’re exploring this stuff, and i’m honored that you reached out.  i kinda consider myself both genderqueer and transmasc so i get you there.  

that being said, there’s no one standard dysphoria experience.  i’m gonna talk about my experience with dysphoria and finding out i’m trans as this was the approach that helped me, i’ll give you the long answer first and then the short answer.

long answer:

when i was younger, around third grade or something, i think i may have dealt with some sort of social dysphoria, and definitely found myself separate from girls and always wanted to like, prove myself worthy of attention from other guys (i really craved that kind of friendship, i felt like i fit in with some of the more “nerdy” guys around age eight) but i can’t recall any sort of body dysphoria.  of course that was all way before puberty so there’s that too.

i think my first possible experiences with more physical dysphoria and the notion of “passing” that i can name were in middle school.  it may have been when i was getting more into anime and bands and stuff, i saw these somewhat gender nonconforming men and started trying to replicate those looks and i think what really got me was when i was either in eighth grade or freshman year when i was first dying my hair.  i would look up to all these musicians, the only female musician i was like looking up to was hayley williams and i thought i had to perform that kind of femininity and when i tried to it felt even worse.  

it took experimentation with my expression, communication with some people older than me in a sort of mentor position, etc. for me to really realize i was trans, i think.  i was in a relationship at the time, one in which that partner had told me she was trans.  i don’t remember what set me off, but one night i just lost it and realized that something about femininity just wasn’t working, nothing felt right.  i remember specifically someone suggesting that maybe i could try the label “genderfluid,” see what works.  and that honestly just blew my mind.  as soon as that door was opened, i immediately gravitated towards masculinity, he/him pronouns, etc.  

of course, the way i view my gender as opposed to back then is very different, i don’t focus so much on “passing” and filling any specific gender role.  it takes a lot of time to actually realize what works and again, it’s all about experimentation and giving it time.  my gender as i view it right now will not be viewed the same way in a few years, i can guarantee it, and you know what?  that’s okay.  that’s healthy and it’s good.  i’ve changed and grown a lot, i know people who seem to stay with a similar expression for a while, i know people who explored their gender and turned out to be cis all along and honestly?  all of these are valid experiences.  

short answer:

first of all i think “nothing feels right” was the way i experienced dysphoria back then, it was almost synonymous with my depression, and differentiating the two took a long damn time.  my experience with dysphoria was initially social, but at some point around 14-15 i realized i would look myself in the mirror and not recognize myself.  it took experimentation and talking to other people i trusted to actually get started.

second, advice:  

- experiment!  try going by the name/pronouns you prefer on your blog, or if you don’t want to use them right now on your current blog, make a sideblog or use the pronoun dressing room!!!  there, you can try out the pronouns/name you’re considering and also learn more about other pronouns too :) there are also a lot of blogs on here that do a very similar thing, writing little sentences and such referring to you by your preferred name/pronouns, based off interests, etc.  that’s how i realized i like he and they pronouns!  and if you’re nervous to send that to somebody else, you could also send them in an ask to me if you want :’)

- talk to people!  you do NOT have to go through this alone, you can talk to a friend, a therapist, a trusted family member, hell you can message me if you want, etc. but in general just know this journey isn’t one you have to do on your own.

- don’t give up.  i couldn’t have imagined the spot i’m in right now as opposed to where i was in 2016 or 2017, and i’m glad i kept going.  hell, i’m still going through it but i know in the future i’ll be grateful i pushed through it.  being trans is a beautiful thing, and in my opinion, it’s a gift.  it may seem hard, but keep going.  i promise, it’s worth it.

---

i sincerely hope that this helped, i’m sorry this was such a long post!  let me know if you need anything else, you got this dude!!! :D

[pepsiwatermelon]

Hope this is ok to Reblog bc I ran out of room in the replies!

Trans system here! You can claim the label if you want, or you can choose not to. The bulk of our alters are male- trans and cis- and so we agreed collectively that medical transition is out best course of action. That might not be for you! It sounds like Wade is similar to Rae for us but in reverse- showed up one way, changed their identity and pronouns, and is happier that way. We say that Rae presents as a trans woman internally, which is different than bodily being a trans woman with that lived experience. However!

Identifying and calling yourself trans is absolutely an opt-in and not a prescription. He can present internally as a trans man, or just call himself a guy now, and leave it at that. Especially if your singletsona presents as female, even if he as a host is a guy, there's no need to use the label even if it does apply to him.

As for collectively, that's a complicated question tbh. I would say y'all could call yourselves trans on an individual basis, or if you guys want to present your singletsona as a guy or otherwise non-cis, feel free to call all of you trans! None of you have to do anything medical to the body to claim being trans, bc even a trans singlet doesn't have to do that. Y'all know you more than anyone else does. Being trans is an identity, not a physical reality, and the only requirement is not IDing with your AGAB.

Regarding Curtis- definitely doesn't have to ID as trans. If he sees himself as a cis guy, even if he's had his body changed somehow in the inner world, if he IDs as cis, that's the end of the story.

I would say basically, be mindful of where your alters come from here. Rae couldn't come into a discussion specifically about transmisogyny and talk over others, if only because in this body she lives in, she doesn't directly experience it, as we're DFAB. But we collectively ID as trans, so we can talk more directly on those issues.

Basically what I'm saying is that, being trans isn't like race- it's mutable, flexible, and most importantly IDENTITY BASED. If you've got alters, you've got a lot of identities in there lol. They can be whatever label they wanna use. Just be mindful of how the body intersects w that experience if you're going to speak directly on those topics. And also no one has to medically do anything to their body to be trans, period, singlet or system. You don't even HAVE to ID as trans or cis, really. You're allowed to just Be.

Edit: I had a bunch of people explain to me, and I like this answer:

“Having trans alters is fine, and you can identify (in terms of gender and sexuality) anyway that you feel, because that’s the point. It’s how you feel. However, you can’t speak over those who have experienced IRL stuff, regardless of your memories (so, if you’re stuck in an afab body, and you are a trans-fem alter, you can’t talk about growing up as a male, because you didn’t experience that).”

Keeping the rest up as a guide for what was going through my head and all, but that’s a nice answer I think.

Okay. This topic keeps coming up time and time again, and it’s really starting to piss me off. I don’t really fully get it? I don’t get the arguments? And it’s a loaded topic. So let’s just get all up in this, and y’all can feel free to chime in.

So yeah. Trans alter debate. Lord have mercy…

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