#trasphobia cw

[kashacreates]

AHHH!!! Hiiii!!! (@my-writblr here)! I saw where you reblogged my WIPs! Thanks :D

I just saw your introduction post where you share you were a transman. (I'm agendered! Not quite the same, so I wanted to ask two questions. Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer! Nooooo pressure or expectation!)

I'm writing a transman character and while he does end up coming out to his crush, the crush is like "I'm so sorry you felt like you had to come out to me! I should have been a safe place for you where you didn't feel the need." And is just generally supportive, but also I don't want her [the crush] to make it about her. I want it to be a mutual "Oh hey this is something I want you to know about me" and a "Oh!" moment.

I kind of *do* set it up to be a stomach drop moment where you think for like three words of her sentence she isn't going to be supportive but it's really just her feeling like a bad friend for worrying that she wasn't a safe space to be. But I want it to quickly turn around where it's a "Wait you're not upset I'm trans?" and she's like "Never in a million years!" SO Question 1: So does that sound like an okay scene (asking as a writer as well)? Or is it too cliche? It's not the big climax of the story or anything. It happens within the first half of the book. It's just another "secret" being uncovered between these two (The Crush being an ace and The Transman being aro and they still have a mutually beneficial relationship with a third member in a polyamorous triangle.)

Question 2: What are some things as a transman you want to see in transmale characters? Any do's/don'ts?

Thank you for the ask!

Let me give some more information about me before I answer those, as my answers may differ from another transman's answers. I also believe that a few of my mutuals are also transmasculine and I invite them to reblog this with their answers to this question as well. :D

I'm a closeted transman in my 30's who hasn't transitioned due to finances and health problems. I'm currently more financially stable, but the city I live in is very conservative and there is a real chance I'd lose my job should I start. I'm very open online but guarded in meatspace about it. However, non-professional friends tend to know so I haven't had to "come out" to a partner since they already know who I am, essentially.

I'm also an inclusionist, community-wise. This means that I see that the breadth, depth, hue, and intensity of human emotion is so vast that our language fails to accurately capture it. Also that the function of labels function better to find people similar to ourselves. I'm not one for discourse so take what I'm saying here as my experience, what I've read, and etc.

As to my answers:

Question 1: The scene seems fine to me since it's not a main plot point and seems to function as a way to inform the reader. If the focus is on the interpersonal side of things, I don't see a lot of writers handle the afterwards of coming out often. Even the most open-minded ally tends to have some preconceived notions. This means there's a growing period afterwards where both people learn how to deal with the knowledge: the cis person figures out pronouns, names, how to be respectful, etc. and the trans person figures out how to navigate helping someone else figure them out (it's very awkward! And rather unavoidable.) This is true for polyamory as well-people take a minute to learn and that is okay.

Also, people do tend to "make things about themselves." It is an inherent part to how we relate with each other. We tend to give-and-take in discussion. She should just avoid talking over him and engage with what he's saying along with whatever she has to say. I would definitely include why he wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to her prior to that, whether it's something she's said, it's purely a personal issue, etc. Question 2: Transpeople are like any other minority: not a hivemind where everyone agrees on what is proper. As long as you make a fully-fledged character that isn't a carbon-copy of a negative stereotype, I can at least take a story in good faith. (As an aside, there's been a rash of transandrophobia on Tumblr that makes for a great "what does hate against transmen look like. It can be found in transandrophobia tags and other places. Obvious cw and tw for transphobia.)

Honestly, the way I make trans characters is make a character then later go "Ah, they're trans."

I'm finding it difficult to put into words, but two things I'd avoid are transmen characters that are a little too uwu too cute and pure bean for this world and like transmen who transition explicitly to avoid misogyny. These simultaneously infantilizes and fetishizes us or turns us into horrid cudgel for terf rhetoric.

Something I wish more people would show in trans-media in general is a focus on gender euphoria versus dysphoria. The utter giddiness of getting to do something that actually feels right after feeling wrong or neutral for so long. It can be something as small as a shirt that fits right or getting the first hint of a beard or something more typical like cutting off long hair or getting the first binder and so forth. Being trans isn't a tragedy, there is a lot of joy in it too.

[fictionkinfessions]

tmw you join the official discord of an obscure source youre questioning and the first thing you see is transphobic slurs and the sources creator doing nothing about it. time to drop the kintype forever

[glorthelions]

doncha just love when the most important teacher in your life dismisses your gender and tells you that you shouldn't label yourself, that it might be a phase, and that since you're a teenager that somehow invalidates the fact that you're trans?????? cause I sure do!!!!!!

[ladyofrosefire]

why does my dad have to be such a transphobic asshole????

[inks-books]

This is all super good information! Thank you!!!

Also, I may not have explained things properly, I apologize!! The character in question has only presented as male (is already transitioned to male) to his crush since they first met. Her initial "Oh!" Moment was more of a "I had no idea you were afab!" And he comes out to her because he wants her to know more about him.

So there isn't an awkward pronoun period thankfully, she already knew him as his preferred pronouns. Hence why she felt bad he had to come out in the first place rather than just going with it.

But the gender euphoria I can definitely put in there. I have a scene where he notes the dual scars under his chest and I can put it in there!

Thanks again so much for your help! If anyone reblogs this with more information tag me please!!

AHHH!!! Hiiii!!! (@my-writblr here)! I saw where you reblogged my WIPs! Thanks :D

I just saw your introduction post where you share you were a transman. (I'm agendered! Not quite the same, so I wanted to ask two questions. Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer! Nooooo pressure or expectation!)

I'm writing a transman character and while he does end up coming out to his crush, the crush is like "I'm so sorry you felt like you had to come out to me! I should have been a safe place for you where you didn't feel the need." And is just generally supportive, but also I don't want her [the crush] to make it about her. I want it to be a mutual "Oh hey this is something I want you to know about me" and a "Oh!" moment.

I kind of *do* set it up to be a stomach drop moment where you think for like three words of her sentence she isn't going to be supportive but it's really just her feeling like a bad friend for worrying that she wasn't a safe space to be. But I want it to quickly turn around where it's a "Wait you're not upset I'm trans?" and she's like "Never in a million years!" SO Question 1: So does that sound like an okay scene (asking as a writer as well)? Or is it too cliche? It's not the big climax of the story or anything. It happens within the first half of the book. It's just another "secret" being uncovered between these two (The Crush being an ace and The Transman being aro and they still have a mutually beneficial relationship with a third member in a polyamorous triangle.)

Question 2: What are some things as a transman you want to see in transmale characters? Any do's/don'ts?

Thank you for the ask!

Let me give some more information about me before I answer those, as my answers may differ from another transman's answers. I also believe that a few of my mutuals are also transmasculine and I invite them to reblog this with their answers to this question as well. :D

I'm a closeted transman in my 30's who hasn't transitioned due to finances and health problems. I'm currently more financially stable, but the city I live in is very conservative and there is a real chance I'd lose my job should I start. I'm very open online but guarded in meatspace about it. However, non-professional friends tend to know so I haven't had to "come out" to a partner since they already know who I am, essentially.

I'm also an inclusionist, community-wise. This means that I see that the breadth, depth, hue, and intensity of human emotion is so vast that our language fails to accurately capture it. Also that the function of labels function better to find people similar to ourselves. I'm not one for discourse so take what I'm saying here as my experience, what I've read, and etc.

As to my answers:

Question 1: The scene seems fine to me since it's not a main plot point and seems to function as a way to inform the reader. If the focus is on the interpersonal side of things, I don't see a lot of writers handle the afterwards of coming out often. Even the most open-minded ally tends to have some preconceived notions. This means there's a growing period afterwards where both people learn how to deal with the knowledge: the cis person figures out pronouns, names, how to be respectful, etc. and the trans person figures out how to navigate helping someone else figure them out (it's very awkward! And rather unavoidable.) This is true for polyamory as well-people take a minute to learn and that is okay.

Also, people do tend to "make things about themselves." It is an inherent part to how we relate with each other. We tend to give-and-take in discussion. She should just avoid talking over him and engage with what he's saying along with whatever she has to say. I would definitely include why he wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to her prior to that, whether it's something she's said, it's purely a personal issue, etc. Question 2: Transpeople are like any other minority: not a hivemind where everyone agrees on what is proper. As long as you make a fully-fledged character that isn't a carbon-copy of a negative stereotype, I can at least take a story in good faith. (As an aside, there's been a rash of transandrophobia on Tumblr that makes for a great "what does hate against transmen look like. It can be found in transandrophobia tags and other places. Obvious cw and tw for transphobia.)

Honestly, the way I make trans characters is make a character then later go "Ah, they're trans."

I'm finding it difficult to put into words, but two things I'd avoid are transmen characters that are a little too uwu too cute and pure bean for this world and like transmen who transition explicitly to avoid misogyny. These simultaneously infantilizes and fetishizes us or turns us into horrid cudgel for terf rhetoric.

Something I wish more people would show in trans-media in general is a focus on gender euphoria versus dysphoria. The utter giddiness of getting to do something that actually feels right after feeling wrong or neutral for so long. It can be something as small as a shirt that fits right or getting the first hint of a beard or something more typical like cutting off long hair or getting the first binder and so forth. Being trans isn't a tragedy, there is a lot of joy in it too.