#he'll say no but he never means it
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Did I mention that the TARDIS is a cat robot named KITT-E made from the scraped parts of a broken K9 and one of Rosie's stuffed animals she made for them?
She made doc a stuffy and he immediately ripped its guts out and made a companion robot whos connected to the TARDIS so "She doesn't have to sleep outside alone."
Sax has a black stuffy cat that he can't remember why he adores it so much, but you'll get bit for touching it.
But the Doctor knows and thinks it's adorable.
TAG TREATS
A treat for you all before bed.
Married saxteen brushes their teeth together, changes into jammies together, tells the moon goodnight together, and does thier night time routines together.
For 14, this involves putting his hair in braids, taking a butt load of melatonin gummies, his joint vitamins, vitamin C, and E. Sometimes, he'll put on a face mask if he feels extra fancy.
No- not a sleep mask. A FACE mask. Those green ones made from avacados or something. I dont know. Rosie makes them and sometimes puts it on them too.
It's how 15s skin is so glossy.
Oh! And bunny slippers!
Sax's routine involves getting his cat plushie, stripping down to his briefs, and kids show socks, putting his bonnet and hair oils on. He's convinced he's balding, so rosie got him into silk bonnets and rosemary oils to conserve it. (He literally won't stop bleaching it :/)
I will draw this eventually but for now just use your imagination.
#aaaawwww#this is so adorable#saxon also wears a face mask though. like not when he's feeling fancy just every night#and an overnight beard conditioner#<prev#Roxxie dear were talking about the same man who lived at the dump and was proud about it#I can't imagine him caring about his appearance to do it every night#thats not even good for you lol#i can see 14 scrubbing the stuff into his beard because my guy is definitely an act of service type#but I cant see sax going out of his way to everynight get stuff smeared on him.#and ofc he does it too! they're a package deal! if 14 gets a mask so does sax because he gets jealous#he'll say no but he never means it
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OH MY GOD??? HAS IT SERIOUSLY BEEN A MONTH????? I am so sorry guys
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#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop nature au#fop dev#fop dale#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#art#digital art#fanart#comic#GODD I DIDNT MEAN TO TAKE THAT LONG OF A BREAK#the next pages are done but since I posted the first 2 as a batch I decided to keep it consistent#the next two pages are already done though I promise!!!! You will not have another wait like that#wugh what was I even going to say about these pages I need to keep a commentary of my thoughts while I write these#Ill be honest the script for these pages went in a way different direction than I was planning LOL but I like it#As awful of a dad as Dale is I do think he has legitimate issues around the idea of someone taking Dev from him/dev being kidnapped#because of what Vicky did to him the idea of Dev being kidnapped makes him feel legitimately nauseous#unfortunately that doesnt always stop him from being a reckless awful parent#but it is part of the reason he would never hire a human caretaker for Dev. somethin.. something. bad experience with a babysitter...#another thing about Dale is that generally he is very... blunt with Dev. For better and for worse.#He WILL give Dev compliments if he thinks what he did was praise worthy. And he'll just as easily say something awful. if he thinks it true#more on that in upcoming pages...
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mmm part of me thinks that Aaron would forever hold onto a little bit of childish bitterness that Andrew picked Neil.
#not to say that Andrew would ever chose one over the other#I more so mean that Aaron would always hold a little healthy spite in his heart for Neil#knowing that his brother chose someone he despises so much to confide in so deeply#he is glad his brother has so much support and he can see that Neil cares#but I think Aaron can't help but be a little bitter that he'll never know his brother like Neil does#and he knows it#but I think as they grow older he learns with maturity that he knows his brother in other ways#all for the game#aftg#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#aaron minyard#twinyards
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First summer
#notes:#this was intended as a picture taken by one of Hikari's parents with the camera that she would later own when she got older#Takeru has pigtails because I depict him as transgender meaning he transitions socially around 02. the second team doesn't know about this#for a few more years around highschool#that does mean he'll have pigtails in tomorrows post too lol#lastly if this were to fit into canon id say it was around the summer of the hikarigoaka incident and it was like. one of those kid things#where they have a friend at the park and then never talk again . so id imagine they both forgot about it until years later when they found#this dusty old polaroid. maybe when moving? in? with eachoth (gets shot#anyway rambles aside#.png#digimon#digimon adventure#hikari yagami#kari kamiya#hikari kamiya#takeru takaishi#tk takaishi#takari#takehika#takari week#takari week 2024
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i really love how highly neil thinks of kevin as an exy player specifically
#my posts#my aftg posts#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#kevin day#his perpective of kevin as a person changes through the series which is a good thing#but his opinion of him as a player never does. he never once doubts that kevin is the best#when kevin does the cursed raven drills and neil is like 'i want that'#when he starts practicing with his left hand regularly in tkm#and neil is both afraid that he'll injure himself again and also awed#when matt goes 'you can't face the best striker in the game' meaning riko#and neil just says 'kevin's the best striker' like nbd#at one point the narration literally says 'he'd always known kevin was the best'#IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND#people loving kevin truly is my kink
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hey
based on this
#never forgiving kiryu for this <3#always thinking about people using majima unintentionally or not and he's such a people pleaser w/ attachment issues that he'd never say no#and if he does say no he doesn't mean it / he'll cave eventually under the guise of something else#he's gotta make it look like he's not having a total crisis over this because other ppl's happiness is more important than his own#anyways I have thoughts#yakuza#ryu ga gotoku#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#my art
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Kunidazai reunion sparking them finally, actually, truly getting together (cause they're idiots who have essentially been and old married couple for years and were the last to notice)? I think yes.
kunikida offering his apartment to Dazai, as his partners was in no shape to be lived in, after all the time that had passed with no upkeep and the time it spent in police custody, being milled through for any potential evidence. there was no way he could let him go back to it, not now, not tonight. Kunikida needs him close tonight.
Dazai takes him up on his offer. he doesn't want to be alone. he won't admit it, but he can't be alone, he doesn't know what it would do to him, what he would do to himself if he was left unattended. so he gratefully, while making jabs and cracking jokes at his partner, follows him home.
their night proceeds as normal, as it had for years of Dazai crashing with him. Kunikida cooks while Dazai sits up on his counter, rambling on and on about anything he can think of. Kunikida never realized how much he missed Dazai's voice until the relief of not cooking in silence hit him.
when they eat Dazai drags his partner to sit on the couch, even though Kunikida hates eating on the couch, knowing he would make an exception for him, just for tonight. they sit too close to just be friends, coworkers, partners even. their arms touch, their knees lean into one another.
when Dazai's finished with his dinner he lays a head in Kunikida's lap, turning on the TV, flipping through all of his partners recorded media until he finds the show they had been watch together, every episode that aired since he was arrested is recorded and unwatched. with blurry eyes he hits play. Kunikida's hand is in his hair and it doesn't leave.
they don't talk, they don't have to, they've talked enough. for now they just want to sit and feel each other's touch and hear each other's breathing. it's all they need.
its nearly 3 in the morning when Dazai finally starts to doze, he'd curled up into a ball, halfway in Kunikida's lap at that point, holding onto one of his partner's hands. Kunikida knows he should get them both to bed, he should offer Dazai the room and take the couch, that he should have the man some space after all he'd been through. but he aches at the thought of leaving his side, at being separated again.
but he doesn't even have to say anything, should have known he never had to, Dazai's always been sharp as a tack, his intuition, almost terrifyingly, even sharper.
His partner turned lazily in his arms, looking up at him with tired but knowing eyes. let's go to bed, they say. you don't have to go, you can stay, they assure. please don't go, they beg.
Kunikida breathes a long, heavy, sigh of relief.
"ok," he answers, before finally getting up after hours laid up on the couch, watching as Dazai continues to doze.
his heart aches with feverish heat. he'd missed him so much he had begun to go mad, had gone mad really, and now his partner was back, he was back and alive and mostly well, and now he was so relieved it ached in its own right.
he went about making up his bed for two, for Dazai, knowing he needed enough pillows and blankets for half a dozen people, but kept stopping to look over the back of the couch to make sure he was still there, still with him, that he hadn't been taken away again. by the time he's done he's probably crossed his apartment two to three dozen times, from his room to the couch again and again, before he's finally decided the room was good enough, there were enough blankets for Dazai to cover himself with and pillows to hide in.
when he goes to Dazai this time around, he kneels in front of him, carding a hand through his hair, tracing a thumb over his brow, to his nose, and then his cheek. his partner's eyes flutter open, a smile graces his lips.
"come on," he whispers, worried too loud a voice would shatter the delicate air of safety and comfort around them, "time for bed."
Dazai hums, getting up with a stretch and a yawn, much like a cat, before gingerly hopping off the couch and into Kunikida's arms, a false smile and air of cheekiness to him, hiding the ache Kunikida knew all too well resided in his partner's heart as much as it did his own, if not more. he holds him for a moment, savoring the feeling of him in his arms, before taking his hand and leading him to their room.
Dazai knows the drill. he goes to the other man's dresser and picks out a pair of his own sweatpants, ones he kept here for nights like these, and as per usual, one of Kunikida's shirts, gliding across the room, out into the hall, and into the bathroom.
Kunikida crawls into bed, feeling like he's been hit by a bus by the days events, and ends up half asleep by the time he feels Dazai crawling into bed next to him.
he expects to see bandages peeking from the borrowed nightshirt, to watch Dazai shield himself from the world, from his partner's touch, with a swarm of blankets, for Dazai to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to fall asleep first.
but tonight's different, so different.
Dazai's skin is bare where the shirt doesn't cover, his scars on display, each and every one of them, the burns, the cuts, the bullet wounds, the ones Kunikida has never one been able to decipher the story of. they're all bared to him, with no visible hesitation on Dazai's end.
when his partner climbs into bed he neglects the pile of blankets laid out for him, the pillows too. instead he lifts the comforter that's draped over the entirety of the bed, Kunikida included, sliding beneath it like it's natural to him, like he'd done it every night for months, years even.
he looks at Kunikida for a moment, silently asking for permission, which Kunikida cannot give fast enough, and then Dazai's in his arms, his own wrapped around his neck, nothing between them but the clothes on their backs.
Dazai pulls away, just a bit, Kunikida almost cries out, almost pulls him back in, but knows better. he lets dazai go, but he never leaves. he's moved just far back enough so they could both look each other in the face.
"I missed you," he spoke softly, his hands shifting to hold the blonde's face.
"I missed you too,"
there's a moment of silence.
"I love you." the words are hesitant, skittish even, like he's unsure of how Kunikida would take it.
"I love you too," he replies without a second thought. he loves his partner, he loves him, more than he knows what to do with, so much it drives him mad and makes him ache.
Dazai nods. he's thinking, Kunikida can see it on his face, his mind is going a million miles a second. worry flashes on Dazai's face, and Kunikida panics, goes to pull away, goes to give Dazai space, even if his own skin burns at the thought of parting with Dazai's.
but Dazai doesn't let him, he clings to him, "Don't go, please don't go, please," he begs.
his voice is desperate, so Kunikida doesn't. he watches his partners face twist and turn, watches as fear spreads across his brow and tears gather in his eyes, and he doesn't know what to do because this has never happened.
but than Dazai leans in, slowly, tugging Kunikida closer so they can meet in the middle. Kunikida feels his partners lips on his. he kisses him back. he can't decide if that was a foolish decision or not. It's soft, softer than either of them knew they were capable of, it's gentle and earnest and good.
Dazai stops after a moment, lingers in Kunikida's space before looking him in the eye once more, he doesn't speak, they don't need to. Dazai looks at him, tears running down his face, but he's smiling, he's ok. his thumbs wipe away tears Kunikida hadn't realized he'd shed. they're ok.
"I love you," Dazai mutter's again, speaking again before the other man can answer "Kunikida?"
"yes, Dazai?"
"don't go."
"I won't."
"promise?"
"I promise." its a foolish thing to say, but Dazai needs to hear it, hell, he needs to hear it, "I'm not going anywhere, so long as you promise me the same."
he hesitates, his eyes avoid Kunikida's for a moment, before returning from their shared gaze, "I'll try, I promise, I'll really try this time"
Kunikida nods, slowly moving to kiss Dazai's forehead, the brunette leans into it.
"I know you will," he whispers into Dazai's skin, "and I'll always be here when it's too hard to manage on your own."
there's silence again, but it doesn't feel wrong or heavy, its soft and warm and it feels right.
"I love you," Kunikida finally returns.
there's more silence, Dazai just looks at him, just watches, fingers playing with Kunikida's hair and drifting over his face until something clicks into place in the other man's mind, something nobody but Dazai could ever understand.
he leans in once more to kiss his cheek before he settles against Kunikida's chest, letting out a pleased huff as he curls himself into a ball, "goodnight," he muttered, almost instantly going still with sleep.
"goodnight," Kunikida replied, knowing Dazai wasn't going to hear him, pressing his own goodnight kiss to the top of Dazai's head before burying his face in the other man's hair (Dazai doesn't smell like his shampoo anymore. it makes something in him cringe. he tries and fails to ignore it).
it takes Kunikida a while to fall asleep, he's too busy running the night over and over and over again in his mind. he holds Dazai close and lets his fingers trace over scars, feeling over his too-thin frame, feeling each bone beneath his skin. there's so many thoughts rushing through his mind, to many fears, worries, anxieties, what ifs. what if I hurt him? what if I break him? what if I ruin this?
his thoughts are only stopped when Dazai gently nudges his head into his jaw, hands pulling Kunikida's off of him, holding them gently in his own (he should have known sleep wouldn't come that easy to Dazai).
he takes a deep breath, steadying himself and his mind, his partner's hands squeeze his gently, good, they seem to say, and sleep finally starts to pull at him once more.
he lets it happen, let's his eyes close and his mind go blank, knowing Dazai is safe, he's safe in his arms, he won't be taken away again. he sleeps knowing Dazai loves him, that he kissed him, that tomorrow they'll wake up like this, and maybe, just fucking maybe they can finally have this one happy ending.
#I love when two emotionally constipated men find ways to be indirectly vulnerable and soft with one another. it matters so much to me.#they don't know how to talk about it or what they mean to one another or what they need from the other but they make it work#but after so long of dancing around each other only to be ripped apart for so long something just gives way and for once its in their favor#I hc that Dazai can be quite graceful in a ghostly and/or feline sort of way when he wants to be. he hops to his toes instead of standing-#glides instead of walking. stares into your soul with these big old eyes instead of just look. so thats just sprinkled in here.#on another note. these men are idiots. I said getting together but for christ sake they've been together for years they just never noticed.#I cringed at their stupidity multiple times while writing this.#dazai is scared of loving kunikida. he's scared his love will damn the man he loves. he's scared he'll leave too#but he can only run from his feelings so long#kunikida is scared to love dazai. he's scared he will find a way to break him. that he won't be careful enough. that he'll screw it all up.#they're so fucking messy and I love them your honor#I have so much to say about them#kunikida bsd#kunikida doppo#bsd kunikida#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#dazai bsd#kunikidazai#kunidazai#if you see typo's no you don't
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first time i watched 'no exit' i was 100% in jo's corner like oh great it's sexist dean time . wheeee let's all watch her learn a lesson about hunting and he can be 'right' in a factual way but he'll be as obnoxious as possible about it the whole time . now i think what's happening here is that he has pretty much instantly samzoned her, as a college dropout from a hunting family who has a contentious relationship with her one surviving parent. EXCEPT that she's a five-foot-something twiggy barely-out-of-her-teens woman who has a crush on him and has never been on a serious hunt before, and he's dismissive/over-vigilant enough with the actual sam, a powerfully-built man with clairvoyant powers and over a decade of experience. bearing that in mind, his behavior towards jo is barely outside his normal realm of bossy and overbearing, and since he knows a little something about how sams will respond to direct orders, he still tells her mother she's not on the hunt with them so as to avoid the fallout until it's over. basically i think the whole dean thing, his most consistent characterization over the course of fifteen years, is his tendency to express even genuine protectiveness through the medium of 'bossy older sibling', and this makes him come off like the worst person on the planet. he frequently IS, but it's actually because of other things and has nothing to do with that habit in specific
#'you sound like my mother' 'oh that's a bad thing?' < dean thesis statement of the episode. yeah he sounds like that bc he is a mother jo#like. maybe because i was eighteen when i first watched it i was like he is being SO dismissive to her! she's grown! she's an adult!#but i'm nearly thirty now and alona tal is SO young in this episode . you could snap her like a twig#and she's like. i mean i have a twenty-one-year-old sister and the things i would and would not approve of her doing#based on my perception of her ability to not get hurt in the process. whoof#it's weird . not saying dean winchester can ever be valid but maybe for this one he's just correct in a rude way after all#and then he gets right into the other dean thesis: she has OPTIONS. why is she doing this when she could be doing literally#anything else. he never gets to the point where he considers he could just go do something else. that will never occur to him#but when it comes to sam-type people he assumes they should want the other options. and he is TERRIFIED of this with sam specifically#jo isnt his actual sister so she can and should explore the other options. but if sam does he thinks he'll never see him again#his evidence for this is that when sam went to college they didnt talk for four years. but he also never thinks#'we're better about communication now and if he went back to school we would definitely still talk'#because he assumes all things that have happened in the past will happen that way again. and he's in supernatural. so it's a fair assumptio#spn#q
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Y'know I really feel like Harry and Dave's relationship goes highly unexplored which is a shame because there IS quite a bit to explore, ESPECIALLY if you care about shipping. But as the game stands I mean, they must be aware of each other. Harry in fact definitely knows about Dave. I don't think he'd tell the fucking weird rotten bunny his terrible boss brought in IS the number one threat against Freddy's since day 1 but even so. Dave I don't think would see Harry as much more than A Phoney™ though, which is always more of an obstacle and way less of a person. Which is usually opposite of how Jack sees his often sole employee. Like, you get what I mean? It's almost similar to 2 with the main opposing routes being Peter and Dave except the stakes are arguably way lower now.
#luly talks#dsaf#dsaf harry#dsaf dave#harry fitzgerald#dave miller#if you DO care about shipping however the meat to chew on becomes greater#i think dave bond w Phoneys in general goes fairly unexplored which is once again A Shame bc i do like the hypocrisy he holds#in more than one way they mirror each other#now im just getting emotional and derailed now im literally just thinking of steven that's NOT da point now 💥💥💥#point is i do think you'd take this to a weird domesticating route or simply a more. goofy love triangle one#i mean dave does say he'll win Jack back which is peak divorced line#so its like. a tug war. except Harry isn't like peter who was like employee for the love of god i need your help#harry is pretty passive like Sir. This is urgent but it is your choice ☹️#sorry my meds are kicking in what am i even saying anymore?#i feel like that NyQuil post im for sure gonna shit the bed tonight#i digress anyway point being i think you'd go many places with this concept#you'd just have them coexist in a way the game doesn't explore. you'd have it just plaguing Jack's mind.#you'd have a one sided rivalry. you'd have a STRAIGHT UP RIVALRY. you'd have tragedy and agony in planet earth#which i saw be touched up on once by that one artist who draws jack like he never left the 80s mullet and all. muppety too.#iykyk there's like 6 harrysport artists overall you'll figure what i mean#and yeah you'd even have a somewhat functional jack having two hands. which is something taps chest i truly think could happen#i believe un love and peace and chsnge and healing and#and copium first and foremost ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️#my body feels so heavy its hard to leep my eyes open
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Person whose gender was directed by Todd Howard and published by Bethesda
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#trans meme#as in: it is janky and very bugged and sometimes your gender is just... a guy under the world map with a train car as a hat#and the guy is currently running underneath the map so people can ride inside his little train hat 😭😭#i don't even care that todd howard wasn't directly responsible for that; he may as well be atp 😭#todd howard you've done it again#and finding out that the voice lines in oblivion were done in ALPHABETICAL ORDER broke me#(i understand the game was a HUGE endeavor back in 2006 but it still is funny to me okay)#my skyrim husband who lives with me still addresses me as a customer. the grind NEVER. STOPS. 💪🙏#and every so often i'll talk to him and he'll say 'THE SKY IS SO DARK... WHAT DOES IT MEAN 😰'
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be like chopin, measure your body weight in number of cats your body could house if it were made of clay and used to build cat houses
"Moja glina teraz na ten deszcz się nie rozpuści, we środku jest 90 stop. Réaumura. Można – ach! nie, nie można – z mojej gliny chyba domek dla kotki zrobić."
-- Fryderyk Chopin, in a letter to Jan Matuszyński (November 24, 1830)
"In these rains, my clay will not dissolve since it's 90 degrees Réaumur* inside. It would be possible -- ah! no, it would not be possible -- to make maybe a little house for a cat from my clay."
*a temperature scale in which water boils at 80
#he means to say he's very thin#maybe enough to only house a single cat :'(#never ask chopin for scales#he'll measure temperature in reaumurs and body weight in cat house clay and wait til u see what the music looks like#fryderyk chopin#i don't even know what to tag this#polish i guess#my translations#he's fine he's just being silly#also the language specifies that the cat is female...#i keep editing the translation because i can't tell if he thinks he CAN make a house for one cat or he can't even make a house for one cat#anyway he's at most one cat dwelling worth of clay#and this is how i spend a whole day trying to decipher one stupid thing he wrote 200 years ago
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i'm actually still somehow mad sorry last post i promise i swear but the 50th pulled a version of ten from the gap between waters of mars and the end of time and this is SUCH good material SUCH a good time and place to explore how his delusional "they're all gone and i can do anything, i can save everyone" mindset from timelord victorious is like this paper-thin coping mechanism for his overwhelming guilt and loss you have BILLIE PIPER in this special you can explore what rose will represent and how she'll impact the doctor and how he has an all-too-human love that destroys him bc of her and how ALLLL of this leads back to the timewar which is something ten thought he could come to terms with but never did . NO. elizabeth the first marriage. i hate it here
#dr who#when i say 'explore' i don't necessarily mean a focus i mean more scenes like the one where he remembers the number of kids on gallifrey#little things like that! little character moments that actually make use of the fact that of the 3 doctors there he represents the guilt#and how he thinks he'll never move on!!#retconning the timewar is fucking stupid but i would accept it more if we really dug into how the impact#of making that decision.#haunts the doctor from there on out.#NO. elizabeth the first marriage#fuck you#retconning gallifrey exploding ** sorry im on my phone and i need a lobotomy cuz i am mad at 10 year old writing fumbles#11 era
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'...you know jokes like those actually hurt me, right?'
"who said I was joking?"
.
.
.
'oh.'
#vent#personal#delete later#so um#i don't talk with my family about stuff often cuz#they don't really listen#it's#they always think I'm putting on airs or acting when I say something#i mean#it's not#i don't really know whether or not i actually have a problem#but sometimes i check over my behavior and#some of it doesn't seem normal?#i mean i don't know i'm not an expert and my opinion doesn't mean much but#it just doesnt seem like something we're supposed to experience#so i'll tell them sometimes#well actually i've told them multiple times that i feel like something isn't right#i mean we told them about our back and leg pain maybe 3 years ago?#that wasn't taken seriously#even when i fell the first time it wasn't taken seriously#it took me actually breaking down and crying to miss a singular day of school#mentally speaking i think i might have something going on#i mean i've told my brother that i might have depression and#he just brushes it off and jokes about it#we get home and tell him we've had a bad day and he'll joke about how the m22's there for me and its#it really hurts but no one takes me seriously and i don't know if we're overreacting or if there's genuinely something wrong#in april the thing with my legs happened again and the next day i was told that i was fine and that i needed to go back to school and#And that's not wrong i've never missed school i don't miss school even when i am sick i take a day off and bounce right back but#It kind of feels like they don’t take me seriously?#this is stupid sorry i’ll take this down later
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Soap is the guy you get into a meaningless fling with. just fun sex and no feelings attached but then you of COURSE get feelings cause he’s so sweet and funny and will bring you dinner which inevitably leads to a teary eyed conversation where you tell him this can’t keep happening and he’ll say he understands and pulls you in to a big hug before saying goodbye but then anytime he’s on leave his ass is calling you up all over again
#tj talks#he'll do that shit of 'what? we can't have a drink as friends?'#meanwhile you both know damn well it will end with his face between your legs the cycle never ENDSSSS#until you start seeing somebody else fr while he's deployed and then he comes back expecting some fun times and you have to sternly tell him#that no. youre seeing somebody now. a reAL relationship and you can't keep doing this#and he'll say he understands with a well-meaning smile#but then he's back at his apartment like >:/ because this guy doesn't even sound good enough for you smh you can do better#playing with cod men like barbie dolls dont mind me#soap mactavish x reader
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i dont get when ppl say "atsushi would be horrified" at something thats probably just another tuesday for him
#yall atsushi is sheltered as in he doesn't know the real world literally cuz he was locked up#not that he doesn't know how evil or awful ppl can be#sure maybe some things he'll be horrified - especially since he usually seems to sympathize and empathize but stop treating him like he's#only seen good things in his life and doesn't know how hard it gets#i think atsushi would really only react to the specifics of dazai's relationship with akutagawa in terms of akutagawas past but i dont thin#hed start being scared of dazai or anything#i think he might take some time to process it but atsushi is aware of the dazai that dazai has changed into too#also in terms of atsushi not wanting to kill#when he realized that he killed shibusawa he had a little break down and then he got the fuck over it lmao#so idk whats this stuff about atsushi not being able to handl ever killing anyone#like he doesn't like unnecessary killing and he doesn't like not valuing life but still guys come on#also when ppl talk about atsushi not understanding or getting the fact that dazai wants to kill himself#like okay yea atsushi isnt dazai he'll never understand but sometimes ppl act like atsushi doesn't know what suicide is#or that despite his strong want and thirst to survive he also doesnt also think itd be better if hed died in a ditch#what else#also i dont like when ppl say atsushi is weirdly mean to akutagawa becuz akutagawa showed up and in a way confirmed atsushis worst fears#bringing misfortune to those around him#and then tried to kill him#and then resented him for dazai liking him more even tho thats not atsushis fault at all#fuck id throw dazai's name back at akutagawas face too#and he did come to understand and care for him to some extent#atsushi cares about akutagawa i dont understand how ppl can think he doesnt#anyway#also atsushi canonically gives ppl who've hurt him second chances like look at lucy why would he turn his back on dazai ever
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just finished the 2nd coldfire book and gerald tarrant's relationship with dignity is so interesting to me. from jump we have this man whose well-groomed, immaculate appearance damien's narration cannot stop harping on about. tarrant is the picture of dignity: cool, quiet, obsessed with cleanliness. in when true night falls and he almost blows himself up and needs damien to bury him in a hole like a flower bulb just to survive the morning, one of the first things gerald does after emerging is magicking the dirt and blood off his body and hair. it's not a preference at that point, it's a compulsion, it's an emotional necessity.
and yet gerald's approach to immortality renders him so vulnerable in just one very particular way, and in both book 1 and 2 his enemies exploit that vulnerability to such a degree that gerald is rendered little better than a rag doll. it's a one-hit almost-kill kind of vulnerability; he doesn't even have a chance to fight back. and because he is what he is, he can still survive for a long time: burned, disfigured, in agony, weakened, but "alive." in book 1, damien & co find him basically jesus-on-a-cross'd in the middle of blinding light, burned so badly that his body is barely holding together; in book 2, after he gets one-shot, the bad guys strip him almost naked and leave him pinned to the floor to wait for sunrise to finish the job. and he SURVIVES this shit. and, in book 2, in the next scene where he's conscious: put together, calm, imminently in control of himself once again.
it just gets me, this need for some sense of dignity specifically because of his power, or rather its one (1) weakness. he doesn't wear armor, he's ridiculously, stupidly dangerous and powerful, but he's got an achilles heel that can, in a matter of seconds, in the face of power great enough, put him flat on his face and suffering unimaginable pain for possibly days at a time, at the tender mercies of whoever wants him powerless, and so he still needs to project control. not a speck of dirt on his clothes, not a tangle in his hair, not a hitch of emotion in his voice. he's old enough, powerful enough, that he shouldn't need to present himself this way. and yet.
#coldfire trilogy#i feel like i'm not saying this in an intelligent enough way#i haven't been sleeping enough & it's hard to order my thoughts and like. get at what i mean#i guess it just boils down to me loving a bad guy who is also a control freak about the way he Presents#when they have a hundred times more power than any human could ever need but they still need to be Better Than You on a physical level#like you may as well just come out and say that you're projecting. that you are so so so afraid of being human. because humans are weak.#because humans die. and you can't die.#and humiliation is better than death but oh god you can't let anyone think those weaknesses are YOU.#if you pretend you're clean enough then they'll never remember the burnt flesh the weakened body your need for rescue#dignity and power and OH BOY it's just such my fucking jam#gerald tarrant everything i have (mostly my brainpower) is yours i'm obsessed with you.#i'm also obsessed with damien but he'll get his own post eventually
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