#he is glad his brother has so much support and he can see that Neil cares

[mauvemischief]

mmm part of me thinks that Aaron would forever hold onto a little bit of childish bitterness that Andrew picked Neil.

[station-aspenville]

Chapter 5.

- Good evening, listeners. Today is November 16th, 1960, my name is Alistair Mayers, and I am more than happy to welcome you to today’s audition.

Alistair’s voice seemed completely empty, as if it had been drained of all human emotions. I expected him to start scripting the broadcasts from now on, but unlike the last time when I heard from him - an enthusiastic and full of passion young radio host - now I’ve only gotten the impression of him blankly reading a text off paper, without the tiniest shade of intention. I wish to say that hearing him in this state worried me, however I’m afraid this would be a lie; more than anything else, I felt terrified.

- The past week has not been too great to say the least. I found out certain things… about certain people that I would rather not have been made aware of. Although, in retrospect I should probably be glad that it happened. After all, finding the truth is currently our top priority. It’s just such a shame to know how much time I have wasted.

I wondered what Alistair could possibly mean by those words. Fortunately, he was soon to enlighten me.

- It turns out that our dear friend and ally - Virgil Montromery, had not been entirely honest with us after all. Personally, I find this sort of behaviour hypocritical at best. What happened to our transparency policy, Virgil? Did everything we agreed on priorly hold no meaning to you at all? What bothers me the most about all of this isn’t even that I have been lied to, but that you have, listeners. It also wouldn't have enraged me to such a degree if he had been hiding an irrelevant detail or a minor information. This wasn't a minor detail. It was revolutionary; something that could possibly change our entire outlook on this situation. To think that he wanted to keep all of this to himself…

What is he talking about?

- Frankly, I shouldn’t even be giving it that much care at this point. It’s not like I would even be able to stop working with Virgil if I wanted to, not right now. Despite this unfortunate occurrence, he’s an extremely valuable help when it comes to my research. I very much wouldn’t be able to get anywhere without a lab or the experience which he provides. If there’s any lesson all of us could get out of this, it is to be more weary of people. Virgil has been suspicious since the first time we spoke, I was just too desperate to see through him. Yet, saying that nothing good came out of the two of us collaborating would be a lie. I’m only… not sure who should I trust anymore.

He sounded cold in the most heartbreaking of ways.

I considered the possibility of Alistair overexaggerating this entire situation. It was clear to see how much the transparency thing, between the two of them, meant to him, however wasn’t this going a little far? To even consider quitting working with Montgomery, right after finding someone who understands him became so important to him. All of it felt rather irrational to me, but not knowing what exactly happened, I was in no place to judge. What could’ve he possibly been hiding? Could it really be something this bad?

- This week was exhausting. I would even go as far as to say that I haven’t felt this drained ever since we moved to the radio station. I’d rather refrain from mentioning my well being and personal life, if there even still is such a thing, for the sake of keeping things professional, however I don’t think that I can keep those worries strictly to myself anymore. Until now I have barely realised what might be the greatest downside of the amount of care and dedication I’ve put into my work with Virgil. Ironically, it made me neglectful. 

Neil hasn’t been dealing great with any of this mess. I can’t blame him for it, he’s only twelve after all. If anything, I should be the one to blame. I am his brother, the only one he has left in this world. I should be there for him. I should support him no matter what. It should be my only responsibility. It was supposed to be just the two of us, alone, against all else…

Alistair’s voice started cracking an awful lot. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

- And yet I’ve managed to do the complete opposite. I’ve been dismissive of all his emotional needs. I started pushing him away to protect him from hearing or seeing anything he shouldn’t. I meant well…

…

Last night, after I finished talking to Virgil, we got into an argument. I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Both of us did…

He’s been refusing to talk to me since then.

What’s the worst about it, I know that I was the one in the wrong. I could see how scared he was. How terrifying all of this really is to him. No child should ever be going through something like this. I should've been doing everything in my power to help…

…

I really did mean well.

The radio remained silent for a couple of minutes.

Then for a couple more.

…

…

- Virgil insisted that I start calling him by his first name - Alistair’s voice was noticeably calmer - he says that formal titles such as “Doctor” or “Mister” create a sort of hierarchy within our “workspace” which he doesn’t find pleasant. Personally, I could argue with this statement, but I have to admit that knowing that he sees me as somewhat of his equal feels oddly validating. Although, I have to admit, if Virgil really thinks of us as equal coworkers, putting all else aside for the greater good, he is one pretentious hypocrite. 

A rather strange statement coming from someone as gentle as Alistair.

The entirety of today’s program feels rather strange…

- And to any listeners wondering how in the world would I possibly be getting away with saying such things on the air, the answer is simple; His Majesty Mister Doctor Virgil is way too occupied with his extraordinarily important and highly confidential research to find any time to listen to his dearest coworker’s insignificant radio show.

Well, at the end of the day, who am I to judge him?

Perhaps by ridding myself of all of my life’s joy  for this job, I was actually just being an inconvenience. At least that would be the logical conclusion to jump into, considering that according to him I didn’t even deserve to see the whole picture of our situation; the ground we’re standing on.

I understood none of Alistair’s sudden change in attitude. Whatever Montgomery kept away from him must’ve been truly horrible to cause this sort of reaction.

A rather odd thought accrued to me that very moment. What if it wasn’t?

What if Alistair was indeed acting purely irrational?

He could’ve been lying to us for malicious reasons, or perhaps he was actually delusional. 

Was Alistair just insane after all? Did the calamity make him lose his mind?

But this couldn’t be the case. Alistair would never lie to us. I found it highly unlikely for him to actively try to cause harm to another human being. Besides, my doubts were soon to be dispelled.

- Well, since we’re already on this subject, I figured out that it would only be fair for me to enlighten you about everything I’ve been late to discover.

According to the research started on October 13th 1960, by the younger researcher of The University of [REDACTED], Virgil Montgomery, the DNA of a Stranger is identical to the one of a human being. From what I’m knowledgeable about, Virgil is yet unsure of the implications carried by this discovery, however it is still undoubtedly worrying. The current leading theory is that Stranger’s are in fact humans who have been transformed into their current state by some sort of disease. The origin and means of spreading of this hypothetical disease are unknown and performing any closer examination on the Strangers in a proper laboratory environment is made extremely difficult both due to their violent nature, as well as their short life spans, lasting only up to one week. We will continue on trying to get to the bottom of this by all means possible and, of course, I will keep you updated on all major developments of this situation, no more secrets.

For now, that’s all I had to say. Thank you for sticking with me through these difficult times. Goodnight, listeners.

[altruistic-meme]

AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :) 

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil, 

--

Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

--

the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty  )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

-

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!! 

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence, 

--

The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic. 

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries, 

--

Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary​ )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, 

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

-

Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point, 

-- 

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

--

The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

-

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring, 

-- 

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

--

When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh 

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

 A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

--

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic. 

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: 

--

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites ​ )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

~

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

~

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher, 

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//the other one (part 2)

hey! no prompts tonight because i have been super busy today and just haven’t had the time to write them, however i will be working on them again from tomorrow so yay! anyway, to say sorry, here’s the second part of ‘the other one’. this is the first part! i know it ended on a bit of a cliffhanger so hopefully this makes up for it! enjoy! 

“Sweet Pea!” You squeal when you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Your feet kick against the dusty ground as he lifts you up, but when he chuckles in your ear and his hot breath fans over your cheeks, you soon still in his arms, now trying to focus on settling your heartbeat. 

He smells like sunscreen and vanilla ice cream and you feel yourself become dizzy, now suddenly extremely thankful that he’s still holding you. You look around at the rest of your friends, none of them paying attention to the two of you, they’re all two busy either sun bathing or jumping into the water that fills the quarry. 

Despite the warnings from your mom about swimming in the water, you have already been in. The rest of her warnings have proven useless, ‘don’t hang out with serpents’ and ‘be nice to your sister’ are the two main ones she’s told you for as long as you can remember, and they’re both stupid. 

Sweet Pea spins you around and the two of you laugh loudly, causing a few of the serpents to look in your direction. You end up making eye contact with Toni when he eventually stops and she sends you a knowing look that makes you quickly drop her gaze. 

“Put me down!” You giggle once you’ve recovered and he reluctantly lets go. You turn around to face him a bright smile on your face that fades when you look at him. Your jaw drops at the sight of his bare chest, Toni and Fangs cough behind you and you quickly close your mouth and look at his face instead. 

“Like what you see?” He asks and wiggles his eyebrows. You roll your eyes and shove him slightly, deciding that maybe it’s best not to face him right now. So instead you turn around and look for Sadie who’s been put in charge of the drinks. 

“No, I’m just surprised to see you without your serpent jacket, I thought it was attached.” You tease and he huffs.  

“So, where did the Mayor of Riverdale think her doting daughter is today?” 

“Shopping with Betty and Veronica.” You smile and take a sip of your drink.

“Damn.” He sighs and you frown at him. 

“What?” You ask, your tone filled with worry and your eyes scan over him, trying to find out what’s wrong. 

“It’s just. I don’t know how you’re gonna explain this.” 

“Explain wha-” You furrow your eyebrows and watch as his frown turns into a smirk, but he cuts you off by picking you up and throwing you into the water. He runs and jumps in after you and you shove him when you both come up for air. 

“I hate you so fucking much.” You say, despite the large grin on your face. 

“No you don’t.” 

Your tears rolls down the glossy paper and onto your pyjama pants and you throw the photo to the floor. It’s no longer a happy memory, a candid moment between the two of you captured by Toni, it’s a reminder of what used to be.

It reminds you of something you thought was real, when in reality it’s never been. 

Lying back on your bed, you stare up at the ceiling and count the cracks. It’s the only thing you’ve done for the past two days. You manage to convince your mom that you’ve caught something so you don’t have to go to school and she won’t let anyone in. 

Josie has tried on multiple occasions to talk to you, but anytime she even tries to, you shut her down by staring at her until she leaves. Toni had tried to catch up with you when you found out, but you practically ran all the way home and she knew better than to try to follow. 

She knows you need time. 

You need to be alone to try and figure out where this leaves you. 

You’re not entirely sure you know who you are right now. You spent so long loving Sweet Pea and wishing for a future that could be. 

You searched for clues and hints in his texts, wondered what it meant when he hugged you for what felt like longer than normal, and tried to stop yourself from smiling when he bought you random gifts ‘just because’.  

Now though, now that you’ve taken off your rose tinted glasses and seen the world for the grey bleakness that it actually is, you realize that none of those things meant anything. And all those nights spent worrying that something was wrong, was because of her. He loved her, and not you. 

You heard the hurt in his voice when she shut him down, it’s how you sound when you talk about him. You know what it looks like when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same, and now so does he. 

And it’s shit. 

After a week of moping in your bed and faking a migraine, your mom finally forces you to go to school, despite your protests of not wanting to kill anyone with your totally real flu. 

And so finally, you clutch your books close to your chest and cross the threshold of Riverdale High. 

It looks no different, nobody looks at you, nobody even acknowledges you, something they have never done. It’s like you’re the most important McCoy, why would they? And so you breath a sigh of relief as you make your way to your first class. 

You pass Josie and her lips part as if to say something, however they quickly close again and you pass her in silence. 

Your almost at your class when you hear your name being called and you curse quietly. 

What does he want? 

You want to cry. Why does he have to keep being here? Why does he have to keep forcing you to remember that he exists and that he doesn’t want you. 

“Y/n, please?” He begs, his voice cracking and you feel your heart break all over again. You take a shaky breath before forcing yourself to turn around and face the brown eyed boy who’s staring at you with so much sadness in his eyes that you think he’s gonna burst. 

“Yes?” You force out and try to smile at him, however it comes out as more of a grimace and so you just purse your lips and wait for him to answer. 

“Can we talk?” He asks and you look behind you. 

“I er- I have a class to get to.” 

“I know.” He nods. “Chemistry with Miss Click. You sit beside Neil and he throws pencils at his brother Will who sits on the other side of you. Toni sits three rows behind you and constantly passes notes to you that sometimes make you laugh so hard you snort and then have to pretend that you’re just coughing when Miss Click asks you if you’re okay. On Thursdays, Olivia is always late, and when she does turn up she always offers you the last of her gum because you help her catch up on what she’s missed.” 

“Sweet Pe-” 

“It’ll only take a minute.” He interrupts and you sigh before reluctantly nodding. 

The corridor suddenly empties and you feel yourself shrink under his gaze. 

“I know you love me.” He says and your eyes widen. 

“What?! I er- who told you?” 

“Fangs.” He says and you let out a deflated sigh. “But it’s okay, because I’m glad he did. It made me realize something. I know what classes you have and who you sit beside in each one. I know that when you’re sad you always want chocolate and when you’re angry you want tea. You cry when you see a cute cat on the street and you always pet dogs no matter what, even if they are barking at you and are literally about to rip your arm off. You don’t like dark chocolate but you’ll eat biscuits covered in dark chocolate, and you like peas but you don’t like sweetcorn because you think they try too hard to be different. I know the excuses you tell your mom and I know the ridiculously stupid lengths you go to to keep them up like bribing the chess club to pretend that you’re apart of them and even convincing the yearbook committee to publish a picture of you with the club.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” You smile sadly and he mirrors your expression. 

“Because, I know you. I know how much you love all of us and I know how hard you fought for all of us. I know that you always buy Fangs Twizzlers whenever you’re at a shop, and you buy me Twinkies and Toni Milk Duds because they make us happy. I know all of these useless facts about you, and I know so much more. And I know nothing about Josie, other than what everybody else knows. I know her as a McCoy, but I know you as Y/n. And-and, I love you Y/n.” 

“What?” Your jaw drops and he bites his lip anxiously. 

“I am so, so sorry. I should have told you it’s just Josie didn’t want anybody to know and I wanted to make her happy. But I made you and everybody else worry and I ended up making you miserable. I have been an idiot. I thought I liked Josie but I think I was just pretending that I didn’t love you because I didn’t want to ruin what he had if you didn’t feel the same way. 

“Sweet Pea.” You laugh nervously, not really sure what else to do. He reaches out and grabs your hands, pulling you close to him. 

“You’re not the other one Y/n, you’re the right one.” 

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[wesawbears]

Posting here in its entirety now that it’s complete. Featuring the favors Neil used to get Andrew to go to Aaron’s wedding, Neil being a menace, and Andrew and Aaron talking, as well as Andrew submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Enjoy!

--

Andrew shut the door with his foot, letting his bag sit by the door for a minute. He knew Neil would call out his hypocrisy the moment he saw,considering their previous conflicts about what apartment etiquette entailed, but for now, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Walking into the kitchen, he set his keys down on the table and scratched at Sir’s chin where he was headbutting against his hand. He stopped when he saw something unfamiliar on the fridge and walked over to inspect. They weren’t the type to keep mementos or reminders there; the dark blue stood out against the bareness there.

In loopy script, it read: “Save the Date! October 21st. Aaron Minyard and Katelyn Winters”.

He began peeling it off the fridge. Neil had wanted him to see it, but there was no way. Just seeing their smiling faces made something surge up in his stomach. He had let Aaron go years ago, but he never said he had to be happy about it, and he certainly had said nothing about supporting Katelyn or their relationship, the same as Aaron had never said anything to Neil that wasn’t strictly required for Exy. He could tolerate talking to Aaron, more than he had when they’d been in the same state, but that didn’t mean they did things like this. Nicky’s wedding was bad enough.

“Oh, you found it.”

Andrew turned, determined to not give Neil the satisfaction of seeing that he’d startled him. The slight smirk told him he hadn’t succeeded, but he kept his face placid and unbothered. “So you put it there on purpose? I assumed it had been put there by mistake.”

“No. I put it there so I’d remember to put it on the calendar...eventually.”

“What for?” Andrew asked, tilting his head in mock confusion. Better to not give him the satisfaction..

Neil raised his eyebrow, a look of condescension that had Andrew’s hackles up. “Because I’m going? I assumed you would too, but I can go alone.”

It was true. Neil was an adult who could make his own choices and Andrew wouldn’t stop him from going. But somehow he doubted that Neil would leave it there. The very fact that Neil had taken the time to put it on the fridge meant that this was premeditated and that, likely, this was an argument he wasn’t going to win. That didn’t mean that Andrew didn’t intend to gain as much ground as he could.

“So eager to go play with your friends?”

“Our friends.”

“Presumptuous.”

“You’re right. Aaron will be there, considering it’s his wedding. So he would be just yours then.”

“Aaron is no longer my responsibility. He can fuck up his life however he wants.”

Neil leaned against the kitchen counter, staring back at Andrew with the same level stare. “What do you want for it?”

Andrew held himself against the weight of being known that well. He kept his voice casual. “Skipping ahead so soon? You haven’t appealed to the fact that he’s my brother yet.”

Neil huffed. “Wouldn’t work. I’ve already worked through all your arguments. Had about a week to practice.”

Andrew drummed his fingers on the table. It was unnerving, as always, to know that Neil knew him well enough to anticipate his arguments, to have already taken the time to work this through in his head. It was as irritating as it was calming, in a way only Neil could manage to be.  “You assume you have something worth that much to me.”

“Don’t I?”

“This conversation is starting to bore me. Get to the point.”

“I can sign the papers. One phone call and I’m transferred to Chicago. Same schedule, same weekends off. No more watching each other’s games on TV.”

Andrew worked his jaw. Neil’s status states away had been a source of more irritation than he wanted to admit. It had taken him a long time to be able to admit that Neil was a part of his life that was maybe permanent, as close to permanent as he could allow himself, and now that he had, he felt every mile like a slow healing bruise. Neil’s contract was due for renewal, but Andrew’s team conveniently needed a striker. No coach would turn down one of the best strikers in the game. It was the one thing worth saying yes to and Neil knew it.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew knew that Neil would drop it the moment Andrew said no. Neil didn’t pick fights he couldn’t win. He was only asking because he knew from the start Andrew would agree.

“I’ll go.”

Neil grinned, and moved closer, hovering his hand close to Andrew’s. Andrew took the next step and linked their fingers together. For once, Neil didn’t push his luck with some smartass comment, but Andrew could practically see him biting it back. 

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’ll be there.”

“Don’t say stupid shit,” he countered, pulling Neil in. 

“Yes,” Neil said, before Andrew could ask.

He pressed him to the counter and kissed him, letting the invitation fall to the ground.

--

It takes another favor for Neil to convince him that threatening Katelyn at the wedding wasn’t worth the trouble. Andrew severely disagreed, but pushing the issue wasn’t worth it, when Neil would pull back on both their agreements if he did. He didn’t linger on what that meant, on the fact that somewhere along the way he’d decided that keeping Neil meant more to him than settling past scores, and more to him than his brother. He wasn’t sure if that was healthy or not, but healthy had never been in his lexicon either way.

Neil still looked like a disgruntled cat any time he had to wear a suit, but Andrew had picked out a nice fitting one for him years ago, and he takes a moment to appreciate his handiwork. Neil is oblivious as always, though, and it takes him about two minutes of trying to get his tie right until Andrew can’t take it anymore.

“Impossible,” he huffs, and moves closer to secure it properly. Neil grins down at him and Andrew still feels the urge to push his face away, not knowing what Neil finds there to look at. “Staring.”

“Says the man who was literally standing there for two whole minutes.” Not as oblivious then.

Andrew doesn’t dignify that with a response, turning with a hum and heading towards the door. He’s timed it so they’ll be just close enough to on time for the ceremony that they can slip in the back. He lets the hum of the highway drown out the tight feeling in his chest.

When they get there, there’s an annoying sign that says “We’re all family! Pick a seat, not a side!” and Andrew considers walking out, but Neil is swept up by Matt and carried away, so Andrew has to follow, despite his misgivings. Nowhere in their agreement did it state that Andrew had to pay attention to the ceremony, so he tunes out and recites some book he has memorized to himself instead. 

It becomes painfully obvious at the reception that Neil is keeping an eye on him, so Andrew leaves him with Kevin, fighting over something inane and exy-related, and goes outside for a cigarette. He steps onto the terrace, only to find his brother leaning against a fence.

“I don’t think this is how weddings work,” he says as a greeting.

Aaron glances up, scowl as familiar as a mirror. “I told Katelyn I needed a minute.

Andrew nods and leans against the fence, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Thank Neil.”

“After you thank Katelyn. It was her idea to send you the invitation. I told her not to bother.”

“And yet here I am.”

“Here you are,” Aaron agrees, leaning further back against the fence.

Andrew lets the conversation drop for a moment. He’s about to head back inside, when he hears, “Why?”

He turns back. “Why what?”

“Why did you come? We both know Neil isn’t here as a favor to me. So why would he think it’s important for you to be here?”

And wasn’t that the million dollar question. Why had he bothered to come, when he and Aaron only spoke a handful of times a year? 

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully.

Annoyingly, Aaron scoffs. “Yes you do.”

“Enlighten me then,” he plays along.

Aaron shrugs. “I didn’t say I knew why. I just know that you don’t do anything without having some convoluted reason for it.”

“I didn’t know I was coming out here to have a conversation with the cheshire cat.”

Aaron chuckled and the sound was foreign to him. “We’re not 16 anymore. Hell, we’re not 20 anymore. We’re grown up.” He holds his glass up, toasting to nowhere.

“When did you start philosophizing? Andrew asked.

“It’s my wedding day-I’m allowed,” Aaron says, shaking his head.

“You’re so weird,” is all Andrew can think to say.

He looks at Aaron and wonders what he sees. Wonders if he mirror the relaxed posture, the way Aaron looks comfortable in his own skin. He wonders how long it’s been since he woke up screaming, if it’s a dull ache in the back of his mind, or an almost healed bruise, flaring up only when pressed on.

He hears the tell tale sound of heels on cobblestones. “Aaron? Honey, we’re about to cut the- oh.”

He looks up and sees Katelyn, wide-eyed and hesitant. He feels long forgotten anger well up, but thinks of Neil and pushes it down. With a long forgotten salute, he turns and leaves Aaron to his future.

Inside, Neil is leaning against a table, sipping his drink that Andrew can tell he hates. He takes it from him and downs it in a quick swig.

“That was mine,” he complains, nudging Andrew’s hip.

“You were too slow.”

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Andrew looks down at their hands, sees the newly acquired neat letters on the side of Neil’s thumb that match his own and feels something settle back into place. He looks up and past him to where Aaron is laughing while Katelyn puts whipped cream on his nose. 

“Yes or no?” he asks instead.

Neil smirks. “In the middle of their moment?”

“Yes,” he taps Neil’s thumb, “Or no?”

“Yes, Andrew,” he says and pulls him in the rest of the way. He hears Nicky yell something and flips him off. 

He’s okay.

[eponinemylove]

Headcanons about the Andrew( and the foxes) figuring out some of the fucked up things Neil’s mom did. Like I’ve always had a head canon that she is the reason he says he’s fine all the time

for sure! I have a lot of feelings about Mary Hartford. I want to say that if the conversation does ever manage to come up, Neil would immediately jump to his mother’s defense. We see everything she did through his memories of her, and while we can recognize it as abuse, Neil still thinks of her fondly. She was the only family he really had, and in his eyes, everything she did was out of necessity, if not love (CW: abuse)

(side note, I’ve briefly talked about aaron’s reaction before as part of a different post, and I stand by that. I’ve also brushed upon the subject of Mary and Neil being “fine” when I did a sort of sickfic hc!)

let me just start by saying how awful this news would be for the foxes. Like, it’s awful in general because what she did was fucked up, but their poor hearts… They managed the Nest. They managed Baltimore. They managed Drake (although that was Andrew’s past not Neil’s, they were still there for the murder and everything that followed). They have been through heartbreak after heartbreak for this kid who not only went through these things but thought, on some level, that he deserved them. So they really can’t take finding out that his mother—who Neil openly condones—is also one of his ghosts. They can’t take finding out that she’s partly the reason why he doesn’t swing, why he can’t trust, why he runs and hides and lies, why he doesn’t think he can have this. And if that wasn’t hard enough, to find out that Neil thinks this is okay, that this is fine—it’s too much to handle.

Andrew’s first reaction, predictably, is murder. This doesn’t quite work out for him, as Mary’s already dead, but the urge he feels to drain the life from her himself is frankly concerning. The second the words are leaving Neil’s mouth, the second all his suspicions are confirmed (because let’s be real, Andrew knew someone had hurt Neil, and his father had been too many steps behind him to cause that much damage), he sees red. Full on, knives out, burning rage. He’s shaking with it. You can tell he’s feeling an emotion, because he’s not grumbling about anything. He’s gone into quiet rage, the dangerous kind, in which he silently plots all the ways he can gruesomely arrange your departure from existence.

for a split second, the upperclassmen think that his anger is directed at Neil, and they subtly move in to block him from Andrew’s war path. This works out well for no one, because Andrew needs Neil in his line of sight right now to know he’s safe and here, and anyone who even thinks of touching this boy after what he’s just confessed to happening to him is getting stabbed. Repeatedly. It’s not their fault for assuming, though. They saw what happened with him and Aaron after this sort of thing, and they just want to shield Neil from that fallout. He’s been through enough

The only thing that manages to calm him down even somewhat is Neil himself. He holds Andrew’s gaze, doesn’t hide under it. He looks him straight in the eye. He is fine, now. He isn’t hurt. He’s with Andrew, and Andrew is going to keep him safe, and Mary is dead, and there’s nothing for them to fight anymore.

except there is, there is, because Neil is stupid. Neil is an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word fine, who has never been fine a day in his life. this was never okay. he’s worse than Aaron, because at least Aaron came to his senses eventually. but Neil, even after everything, is still standing there, defending her. it makes his blood boil. 140%. 170. 200.

Later, Andrew has to physically restrain himself from pulling him into a bruising kiss. He makes a tangible effort to be as gentle with Neil as he can, because he refuses to show him that love should be rough. It shouldn’t. He holds Neil’s hand and kisses his knuckles, runs his hands softly through his hair. He shows him all the way touches should feel when coming from someone you trust. Neil thinks it isn’t necessary but he accepts it with a stuttering heart anyway. His hands shake.

Aaron is seething, but for an entirely different reason. He’s furious, because how does Neil not realize that they’re the exact same? Neil gave him so much shit when he was upset over his mother, but now he has the audacity to stand here and spout this crap? The only thing holding him back from beating the shit out of Josten himself is Andrew’s presence, radiating wrath from beside him. If he took a step in the wrong direction, his brother might genuinely kill him this time. It doesn’t matter. Neil went on and on and on about how Andrew was protecting him, how his mother was not someone who loved him but someone who hurt him, and how he should be glad she’s gone. And… and then this? No. No. Neil doesn’t get to love his mother after that. Mary hit him. She beat him to a pulp herself, nevermind what she said she was protecting him from. He wasn’t allowed to have friends, to talk to people, to go outside. He wasn’t allowed to speak. He’d had to keep his head down. Yeah, it sounds familiar. It sounds like Aaron’s quiet footsteps around the house, hoping to god he wouldn’t wake up Tilda. It sounds like him trying not to make himself seen when she came home after a night of using, like ducking his head and not meeting the eyes of her or anyone she brought home. It sounds like her fists on him when she was in one of her moods. It sounds really fucking familiar, and if Neil thinks he’s going to drop this, he is dead wrong.

Neil did not leave well enough alone when it was Aaron. He would not stop rubbing salt on the wound. And it hurt, a lot, but now Aaron is going to do the same. Not just for petty vengeance. Not just because Neil is a dick and this is payback. But because it helped. Aaron and Andrew are not on the same page about the way they feel, but they are about what to do next. Priority one is make sure Neil moves on, make sure he recognizes why Mary was wrong, and why it will never happen again, as long as any of the foxes have a say in it. 

Matt and Nicky have the exact same reaction, which to immediately have their heart shattered. They’re in tears. Matt cares about Neil so, so much, and I know the fandom recognizes this, but I don’t know if people realize how deeply Nicky cares, too. It’s more than just cracking jokes; Neil is one of Nicky’s best friends. They’re going to make damn sure that Neil knows they will love him unconditionally, and that their love does not come heavy-handed. They will support him through this, even if they hate Mary for everything she had conditioned into him. Already they’re planning what they can do to get his mind off of this and get him smiling again as soon as possible. Nicky will probably push Neil harder than Matt, and it will probably be the wrong thing to do, but he’s trying so hard. He’s done this before, with Andrew and Aaron, and as heartbreaking as it was, he continues to do it because he loves them. And he loves Neil, too. Both Matt and Nicky already have adoption papers at the ready, and at this point they’re going to forge the signatures, consequences be damned, if it means Neil gets a happy life. 

Kevin doesn’t have much to say about it when he finds out. I imagine he handles it with all of his usual finesse and sensitivity, which is none. He probably, not too gently, points out that Mary had a job to keep him safe from harm, all harm, and failed spectacularly at it. It’s not exactly helpful, but he does have a point. And when he get Neil alone, he offers to talk to him about it. He may not have been through the same thing, but he’s been through something similar enough. He had no family at the Nest, but at the same time they were the only ones he had, and they weren’t exactly gentle with him at the best of times. Riko and the Master weren’t Mary, but... they weren’t all that different, either. Like everything else, Kevin is there if he needs him. 

Dan and Allison stare him down. They sympathize, they do, because this is awful, but they are not going to give him an inch. They don’t have time to coddle his feelings about his mother, and god help him if they hear an “I’m fine” fall from his lips. They’ll hold him, if he lets them, and they’ll be as soft and gentle as he needs, but they won’t give in to this. They aren’t going to pretend that he’s right–he’s not. HIs mother wasn’t what he remembers. She’s a complicated character. They’re not calling her evil; maybe she did what she had to, and maybe it was for the best. But it wasn’t right. They are steadfast in that. It wasn’t right. Neil can accept that when he’s ready, and when he does they will be there for him, taking care of him in their unassuming way so that he doesn’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells. He’s so grateful to have them. Grateful that they don’t push, but don’t give in either. Some of the strongest people he’s known…

Renee is the one who actually talks him through it. All the others are ready with their pitchforks, about to burn Mary at the stake, but she understands. She walks with him through everything, the good and the bad, and lets him come to his own conclusion. She listens to him when he feels like talking about what is was like, and talks about her own mother when he doesn’t. She shows him, subtly, what a parental figure is supposed to look like through her own stories. Lets him realize that sometimes the people who care don’t get it right, but that there are still others who love you, and that love doesn’t have to come with pain. 

Bonus:

(Ik you didn’t ask, and this is probably too long already, but) Wymack and Abby find out about this indirectly, likely through either Andrew or Matt. Wymack had known from the beginning this would have been the case, but he’d had no idea it had come from his mother. It hurts him, that no one had ever been careful with Neil the way he needed. He doesn’t realize that he had been, though. Wymack hadn’t raised his voice, hadn’t made himself big in front of Neil. He had been careful to keep his anger far, far away and had always been there when Neil needed him. Wymack is his true father. Or mother. Or whatever. 

Abby does what she does with Aaron: she gives him space. She knows that he’s probably never seen a woman in a comforting light before, and she waits to make sure that he’s okay with her presence before she gets anywhere near close to him. She lets him come to her, and, like Wymack, makes sure Neil knows that if she ever gets frustrated, that she would never take it out on him. They start the very slow process of showing Neil what it is like to be loved and cared for by someone who wants only to see you happy. Neil loves his family so, so much. He would choose them a thousand times over. 

[jemej3m]

Listen bud, hunger games au, Andrews the mockingjay, Neil’s been captured by his dad aka the game maker

if you’re looking for an extended hunger games au @gluupor‘s on ao3 is my all-time favourite, but here’s a oneshot (are oneshots all i know how to do??)

*

Andrew doesn’t want to be here. The whole place is writhing with death and misery, but there’s a whole camera crew asking him to interact with these people, these men and women and children who are fighting and dying for an idealistic cause. 

Andrew is not an empathetic person. Kevin says that doesn’t matter. Just the sight of him, with his Mockingjay pin, will be enough to inspire hope. 

At least he’s here, shepherding Andrew around, doing all the talking. Nicky’s being all amicable too, crouched by overcrowded beds and talking nonsense. Aaron’s probably somewhere, being useful. 

His team. His support. Coming out onto the front lines with him, because they genuinely believed that Andrew was going to change the world.

When Andrew volunteered in Aaron’s place, he didn’t think he’d ever see his family again. 

Just goes to show: nothing is predictable. Not in a world like this. 

Andrew beelines for the lonely kids, the ones without parents, shunted into the corner. There’s one with a stump instead of an arm, like Kevin, and one who was avoxxed in the raid, like Nicky’s boyfriend. They all learned sign language for him, so Andrew kneels on the floor and says hello.

The kid’s eyes light up when he realises Andrew can talk to him. The others get excited too, crowding around.  

They ask him questions. He talks whilst he signs, keeping his voice low. He tells them what sunrise looks like from the capitol’s training tower, how to properly throw a knife, why you choosing your family is important, and protecting them even more so. Their eyes are as wide as saucers, drinking in every word. Andrew has always been good with kids. 

He realises that the cameras have been trained on him and stops talking. The kids get sad, but then a nurse comes around to move Andrew along so that they can have their checkups. Andrew hoists himself up off the ground, ignoring his cousin as he comes closer. He has tears in his eyes. 

“That was beautiful,” he says. “Neil would -” 

“Shut up,” Andrew snaps, because there’s a lot of things he tries not to think about, and Neil is one of them. 

His and Neil’s story is a long one. Andrew was in the 5th district, the fostered son of the mayor. He had a best friend, one he didn’t tell anyone about lest his older brother, Drake, discover how pretty Neil was. Neil’s mother was overprotective, hiding him away from the public eye, but together they would climb outside the district’s boundaries and play together in the woods. 

Then Andrew met his biological family when Major Cass Spear was invited to the 12th district for diplomacy. He decided to stay. He was twelve at the time: he and Aaron entered the reapings that year. His cousin had three years left, but would never be voted in: he was also the son of a terrible mayor. When Nicky turned 18, Tilda died, his parents disowned him, and he looked after the twins for another 2 years before Aaron was reaped and Andrew took his place. 

That year, a scrawny seventeen year old from the 2nd district, who wasn’t a career tribute, volunteered himself. It wasn’t until Andrew had met all the tributes in the capitol that he realised who that kid was: Neil, his childhood best friend, who was fulfilling an old promise of protection. 

Andrew had hated him quite a bit for it: only one of them was meant to escape the arena. There were bets placed on how soon Andrew would kill him and how. None of them knew the truth. None of them knew that Andrew would rather die than kill Neil. 

So, in the end, when it’d just been the two of them, they swore a truce. They fought against the capitol’s attempts at whittling them down till the capitol gave up. Andrew thought they’d beat the system: it took him a hellish victory tour, another trip back to the arena and losing Neil to the capitol to know that wasn’t true. 

Neil. Neil, Neil, Neil. The other reason Andrew doesn’t want to be here. Neil’s back in district 13, recovering from his weeks spent being tortured at the capitol’s hands. The rebels weren’t given the chance to grab him before the capitol snatched him away. Andrew had paced grooves into the ground during his absence. 

And when he came back? Well, Andrew would’ve rathered that Neil forgot him entirely. Instead they - his father, his worst nightmare and most talented gamemaker in the capitol - had turned Neil against him. Made him loathe Andrew with every fibre of his being. Enough so that he’d tried to strangle Andrew when they’d first been reunited. 

He is better now, but still avoiding Andrew at every possible junction. Andrew inexplicably still wants to stay by his side. Abby says his memory will return with time. Andrew will just have to wait. 

Nicky’s eyes go wide. “I thought you were going to sort things out with him -” 

But then Kevin is yelling, sirens are wailing. The hospital begins to dissolve into panic. Andrew only has to hear someone yell “Bombs!” to understand, being directed out of the building. Someone’s trying to set up artillery to shoot them down. It’s too late. Andrew’s lot makes it out, but only a handful of patients are able to stumble out after them before the building explodes. Andrew looks over his shoulder as they’re running towards where their helicopter is descending. The warehouse structure has collapsed inwards. Those who hadn’t died in the explosion are being torn apart by shrapnel and debris. All those kids. Gone. 

“Turn the camera on,” he murmurs, holding out his hands. The bomber planes aren’t turning around, but there’s a second fleet of carrier craft behind them, bringing peacekeepers by the dozen. 

“Andrew,” Aaron says, stricken. The camera’s red light is already flashing. 

“This is what you get for remaining neutral,” Andrew spat out, flinging a pointed hand behind him at the burning hospital. “Massacred. Think about that next time you assume the capitol will be on your side.” 

He’s facing away from the carnage. It’s the only reason that he doesn’t see the peacekeeper aim and fire. He doesn’t even realise he’s been shot until the rest of him start screaming. 

By then it’s too late: he’s falling, falling into darkness, wishing that he’d never involved himself in this stupid rebellion in the first place. 

*

He blinks awake and stares at the ceiling. District thirteen, being a burner district, doesn’t have many variations in its ceilings, but Andrew knows this one all too well. 

He’s in the hospital. 

His hands go to his arms: the armbands are still there, but they’re rolled down and his knives are gone. There’s a morphine drip in his left elbow and fluids in his right. He can barely feel his body. 

“I have your knives,” says a familiar voice. Andrew has to be dreaming. 

Neil’s appearance has always fluctuated: when they’d first met, his hair had been black and his eyes natural blue. During the games he’d started off with brown hair and brown eyes, but a lack of resources meant that he’d ended up forgoing the contacts and letting his roots grow out. He’d forgone the brown eyes but kept up with the dye till the second games, which hadn’t lasted long enough for any major changes. 

Now he is fully and unequivocally Nathaniel Wesniniski, son of Nathan, scarring on his cheeks, arms and torso telling a narrative that is a hard-won fight. Nathan and his lackey Lola had both been killed brutally in Neil’s rescue. Andrew is glad.

“Hey,” Neil says, when Andrew isn’t exactly forthcoming. “How are you faring?”

“You’re not here to finish the job?”  

Neil’s lips quirk. “Drama queen. Your suit was fitted with kelvar: there’s a lot of bruising, but you’ll be fine in a week.” 

Andrew drops his head back down onto his pillow. “Dammit.” 

Neil snorts. He’s in a good mood. Andrew can tell he’s still on edge, but he was always a paranoid kid. It’s not going to take some genial bedside manner to undo everything his father did. 

“I know that everything they told me was fake,” he says, looking at the knives in his hands. “I have always been a jumble of identities and false pretences. This  shouldn’t be news to you.” 

Andrew just hums. He can’t even wiggle his toes. How the hell did they had stuff this strong down here? They were all eating onion slop rations but had morphine good enough to even send Dan into a spiral.  

“I gave this knife to you,” Neil continues, holding up a sleek blade. Matte black. Andrew’s sharpest blade and perfectly weighted for throwing. “This was my mother’s. You must have been very special to me if I gave you this.” 

“I hate you,” Andrew says. 

“Are you sure?” Neil asks. “Because I’m not.” 

Andrew just huffs. 

“I remember...” he hesitates. “I remember us. Together. In your district 12 victory house, after the tour...then again, in the tower before the 75th games.”

Andrew stares at the wall opposite him. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation. “It didn’t mean anything.” 

“I think it did,” Neil says, softspoken. He’s never soft-spoken. “My father - he couldn’t create new memories. He could only twist old ones. For me to hate you as much as I did, I must have really...You know. Lo-” 

“Don’t,” Andrew says, because this a war and if he hears something like that fate will go against him. “I’m not your answer, Neil.” 

Neil shrugs. “Okay.” Then, with methodical precision, he checks Andrew’s vitals, removes the needles and rolls up his bands. Then he slides the knives in place, fingertips briefly brushing over Andrew’s skin. Andrew, for some reason, lets him. 

“Your last morphine dose was seven hours ago,” Neil says, settling back into his chair. “It’ll wear off soon. You were asleep for nearly 2 days, did you know? Aaron says the bruising is horrific. You probably won’t be able to move for another 3 days. But hey, at least all the districts are in revolt now. You getting shot on camera actually helped the cause...” 

He chatters innocuously. Andrew listens. Neil’s still nervous, still schooling his bodily reactions of hatred and disgust, but he’s here anyway. Distracting Andrew from his own snare of a mind. 

Maybe there’s goodness in this terrible, terrible world. 

Maybe Andrew can have it. 

He’ll just have to live long enough to find out.

*

yeehawwww

[katehuntington]

Title: Changes - part ten Word count:  ±3300 words Summary “Changes”: Huntress Zoë Sullivan (OFC) crosses paths and swords with the Winchesters, when the brothers stumble on a case she’s already working. When complications arise, they are forced to work together. Summary part ten: Zoë wakes up in the dark, under ground and finds the victims she was looking for, but will they be able to get out of the grim situation. Episode warnings: Dark! NSFW, 18+ only! Angst, gore, violence, character death. Description of blood, injury and medical procedures. Demon possession, supernatural creatures/entities. Smut, swearing, alcohol use/addiction. Kidnapping, mentions of torture and murder, illegal/criminal practices. Mentions of nightmares and flashbacks.  Author’s note: I super excited to share Supernatural: The Sullivan Series. There are quite a few people I want to thank: @coffee-obsessed-writer, @soupornatural & @mrswhozeewhatsis, who edited the early drafts, and my girls @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish and @winchest09 who are deciphering the recent version. Everyone who encouraged me to go for it, you are awesome!

Supernatural: The Sullivan Series Masterlist 01x01 “Changes” Masterlist

     Slowly, Zoë regains consciousness and opens her eyes. Not that it makes much of a difference, she still can’t see a damn thing. A disturbing smell fills her nostrils, a mixture of rotten remains and sewer waste causing her to gag. She wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what is actually causing the stench.       She rubs her face and groans, then pulls her hand back. Her fingers feel sticky, she recognizes the substance just by feeling it. The huntress blinks a couple of times in an attempt to drive the splitting headache away, licking her lips and tasting the metallic taste of blood on them. Where the hell is she and what the fuck happened?       Tentatively, she explores her surroundings by touch, feeling three walls and eventually prison bars; she’s trapped. Then she hears soft wailing in the distance.      “Anyone there?” she calls out.      “Y-yes.”      Zoë curses internally; shit. Her question is answered by a child.       “Are you okay?” Zoë asks, friendly.      “No,” she sniffles.      “What’s your name, sweety?”      “I’m Lizzy--”      “-who are you?”       A female voice, much older than the young girl she was just talking to, bounces off the concrete walls.      “I’m Zoë,” the huntress answers, leaving her false names out this time. “Are you Michelle?”      “Yeah.”

     Zoë closes her eyes and sighs. It’s Terry Cliffer’s wife, and she’s assuming Lizzy is short for Lisbeth, their daughter. Wild guess her little brother, who she remembers to be three years old from the records, is stuck here as well. The fear and hopelessness is evident in their voices. Who knows how long they have been down here. Damnit, this is even worse than she expected. They are trapped God knows where and if she herself doesn’t even know where she is, the police surely aren't gonna find them either. For a moment, she regrets sending Sam and Dean away. She hates to admit it, but she could use their help right now.

     “Are we the only ones in here?” Zoë asks the family.      “No.��       The huntress peers into the dark, trying to distinguish where the male voice came from.      “As far as we know, there are seven of us down here, including the children. But some haven’t responded in a while.”      Zoë grinds her teeth, swallowing thickly. Some haven’t responded? She knows what that means. Fuck, she’s too late, isn’t she?       “Let me guess; you’re Neil O’Brien?” She folds her fingers around the iron bars and opens her eyes wide, hoping to be able to see some shapes in the pitch dark place. “And the others, Nadia Milton and Cole Richards?”      “How do you know that?”      Zoë chuckles, finding what she’s about to say rather ironic. “I was looking for you.”      “No offence, but good job,” the guy comments.      “People are looking for us?!”       Zoë hasn’t heard the female voice before, but she knows it’s Nadia.      “No, just me,” Zoë corrects, honestly.      “Not much hope for us then,” Neil concludes, depressed.       “I’ll get us out of here.” 

     Zoë gets up determined. Her eyes are getting used to the dark, but she still can’t make out faces in the other cells. She takes a bobby pin from her hair, folds it into a lock pick, then begins to work on her escape.      “Did you see it?”       It’s Neil who asks. The fact that he uses the word ‘it’ indicates that he already realizes that their kidnapper is not human. Zoë decides to tell them the truth.      “I fought the bastard,” she corrects, continuing to work concentrated.       “You know what it is then?”       “Yeah, I know what it is.” 

     The final pin lines up inside the lock and it springs free. Zoë kicks the iron door open and stumbles out, the slight dizziness catching her by surprise. Thin, fragile beams of moonlight fall through small holes in the ceiling; it looks like the lid of a manhole. Now that her eyes are adjusted to her dark surroundings, she can make out shadows. She’s standing in a small space, cages on either side. She searches the walls, but she can’t see anything that might indicate a staircase or another way out. While she examines the place she woke up in, she answers his question.

     “It’s a shapeshifter. A creature that is able to mimic and change into other people, looking exactly like them,” she explains.      Nadia whimpers. “This is insane.”       “You saw it yourself,” Neil snaps.      “Hey, fighting won’t help.” Zoë breaks up the argument before it can even kick off, as she kneels down by the cell across from hers.      With the makeshift lockpick, the huntress tries to open the cage which holds the Cliffer family. Lizzy, a girl with messy curls, clamps her tiny hands around the bars while she watches Zoë work. Tears glisten in her eyes, the faint light from above barely catching them.      “Are you going to save us?” she whispers.      “I’m gonna try my very best, honey,” Zoë returns, smiling softly.

     She continues with the task at hand, unlocks the door and moves on to the next cell. While adjusting the bobby pin slightly before testing the spring-loaded pens, it dawns on her what Neil said earlier.       “You mentioned there are seven people down here. Who’s the seventh?”       “We don’t know. A big guy. He arrived just before you did,” he says.

     Flakes of memory fall through the creaks in the roof that is her mind, finally forming a picture of what exactly happened in the hours prior to waking up. She remembers Sam, right before he struck her down. Not the real Sam, of course, but if the shifter took his disguise, then where is the younger Winchester brother?       The lock clicks, the barred door opening and freeing the remaining victims from their cages. She turns to Neil.      “Where is he?” Zoë asks, sternly.      The young guy covered in filth, nods to the side. “In the cell next to yours.” 

     Without replying, she quickly moves to the cage that accommodates the hunter. Frantically she works the lock. When it busts, Zoë hastens inside and finds Sam on his back, unconscious. She checks his vitals, relieved to feel a steady pulse drum against her index and middle finger. His chest rises under her palm; he’s breathing. When she wipes his hair out of his face, she feels broken skin above his temple; seems like she wasn’t the only one who received a blow in the head.      “Sam, can you hear me? Wake up, Sasquatch,” she tries, frustrated.      Careful not to shake him or worsen his injuries otherwise, she sits with him, hoping her voice will get through. It takes a while, but eventually he starts to show signs of coming to.      “Zoë?” he mumbles, voice raspy.       She creates distance by sitting back on her heels. “Yeah, it’s me.”       “Did you just call me ‘Sasquatch’?”       “Well, you are ridiculously tall,” she scoffs. “Glad I didn’t have to drag your ass out of this place. Could’ve broken a nail.”

     The hunter pushes himself up, chuckling at her wit. “Damn, I’m glad to see you.”      “Well, don’t be. I’m just as trapped as you are,” she sighs.      “You two know each other?” Neil asks from his cell.      “Yeah, we’re sort of… colleagues, I guess,” Sam declares, still drowsy.      They get on their feet, but the younger Winchester brother has trouble keeping his balance and leans against the steel bars, the huntress stepping in to support him.      “Easy. You alright?” Zoë checks.      “Yeah, just a headache,” he grunts, trying to chase the black spots from his vision.

     “When did that slithering bastard capture you?” she wonders, trying to make sense of the timeline.      “I was at Beetle's Bar to back you up, but I guess I got made. It overpowered me right after I parked the car a few blocks away. That's all I remember,” Sam explains.      For a second she considers yelling at him for meddling with her case again, but what’s the use? It’s not Sam’s fault he got snatched, the shifter figured it out even before either of them showed up at the bar.      She huffs. “Damn, that lizard is sneaky. Where’s Dean?”      “At our motel,” Sam admits.      “Okay, good. He’s still in town. You’re missing, so he will come and look for you in - what - a few hours, right?” she assumes, hopeful.

     Sam steps out into the moonlight. Zoë can see the blood has found a way down the side of his face and turned the collar of his shirt red. She also notices the guilty expression on his face.      “Not likely,” he admits.      Zoë frowns at the confusing answer, already annoyed. “Why not?”       “I was gonna stay out because he had a girl over for the night,” Sam admits.      Stunned she stares at him. A girl? She feels the anger building in her chest and takes a moment to collect herself, instead of unleashing her wrath.      “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me,” she hisses, keeping her voice down for the sake of the children. “You’re telling me that Dean is fucking some chick while we’re stuck in this dungeon?”      Sam looks up at the lid and frowns.      “Actually, this doesn’t seem to be a dungeon. I think we’re in the septic tank,” Sam corrects.       Zoë throws him a death glare, stepping closer intimidatingly. Now might not be the best time for the brains of the Winchester operation to better her terminology.      “Let me rephrase that. You’re telling me that Dean is fucking some chick while we’re stuck in this shithole!?"      “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” Sam admits, smiling awkwardly.      “Wonderful.” 

     She walks back and forth between Sam and the bars, trying to come up with a way to get out, until the soggy and squishy sounds under her feet cause her to halt. Disgusted, Zoë looks down at her boots, realizing all this time she has been standing, sitting and laying in--      “- shit.”      She retches and coughs; it does explain the smell.       “This is disgusting,” she mutters, needing to get out of the cage when she starts to feel sick.      “It gets worse,” Sam adds. “When the shifter attacked me, it looked like you. Good chance that thing used the same disguise to ambush Dean.”      Zoë turns her head slowly and stares at Sam, her jaw agape and her eyes wide in shock.      “Well, there goes my reputation of a good civilian,” she deadpans.

     As their problems pile up, the Cliffer family emerges from their cage, afraid like hunted deer. Lizzy, probably not even six years old, steps into the dim light. The poor little girl looks like she’s about to burst into tears, her dress dirty, her big eyes shimmering. Zoë helps out Michelle, who’s weakened by the days of malnutrition. She has a younger boy by her hand, who is crying silently.       Concerned, Zoë exchanges a look with Sam. There's empathy in her eyes, her need to care for the victims evident in them; something Sam hasn’t seen before. He understands, though; they need to get these people out fast, they’ve been through way too much. Sam searches his pockets for his phone.      “You won’t find it, he took mine as well as everything else I was carrying,” she discourages.

     “Zo, the shifter took my form first, then yours, so it copied our memories. It knows Dean and I were staying at the Deep Purple Inn, room number 301, everything,” he recalls. “If that thing went after my brother, disguised as you...”       Sam breathes in slowly and exhales; there’s no need to finish the sentence. Good chances are that Dean is in as much trouble as they are. 

     While crossing her arms in front of her chest, she brainstorms. They need to get in touch with Dean, or with anyone else in the outside world, but how? There is nothing here that can be used to draw attention and increase their chances of being found. Screams will only carry so far in these backlands. The situation is grim. If the shifter manages to trap or kill Dean, it's a possibility no one will access this property in months, maybe even years. A slow death by starvation might be the only fate that lays ahead. She swallows apprehensively; this is not how she planned to go out. 

     She looks back at the younger Winchester brother, noticing how something inside one of the cells has caught his attention.       “What is it?”      He nods at the cage and she peers through the bars, her eyes landing on another victim, collapsed against the wall with his eyes closed. Without hesitation Zoë opens the door, rushes inside and kneels down next to the seemingly lifeless body. The doctor she’s supposed to be surfaces, as she checks for vital signs.

     “Pulse is low and he's cold to the touch; he's hypothermic.” She turns to Sam. “Give me your jacket.”      He quickly takes it off and hands it over, then watches worriedly how she covers his torso with the only warmth they can offer. The victim moans weakly, but doesn’t exactly come to.      Sam looks back at the others. “Who’s this guy?”       “It’s Cole, he got here first,” Nadia answers.      “When was that?” he asks.      “I guess about ten days ago, I got here second, two days later,” she tells him, leaning against the doorframe.      “Did it feed you or anything?” Sam wonders.      “Not exactly, but the place floods when it rains. It’s all we have,” she explains.

     Sam shakes his head slowly, not believing what he’s hearing, and looks over at his colleague who is still by Cole’s side. This situation is heading from bad to worse. Cole needs help and he needs it fast, he doesn’t have much time.      “Is this Dean you talked about going to save us?” Michelle wonders.      Zoë looks over her shoulder at the mother of two, then up to Sam. The huntress can tell he’s conflicted; he wants to stay positive, but he wouldn’t be telling the truth if he promised that his brother will be here soon. So Zoë decides to respond for him.      “I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t think so,” Zoë admits.      “So what, we’re stuck here? What if that shapeshifter thing comes back?” Neil exclaims.      “We’re all together in this,” Sam states, remaining calm. “We will figure something out.”      “Can’t we just knock him down when he shows up? Two men like us can handle him, right?” the clueless man proposes.

     Zoë scoffs as she gets to her feet. Not amused and feeling excluded, she’s ready to prove to him that women can fight just fine. Sam moves his arm in front of her and answers before she snaps.      “No, you’d need a silver bullet to kill him. He doesn’t show pain for anything else,” he explains. “Plus, he is much stronger than us humans. It would be impossible to overpower him.”      “We can’t just wait and see what happens! I don’t wanna die!” Neil freaks out.      “Could you keep it down? You’re scaring my children.” Michelle pulls Lizzy close, the little girl clinging to her mother’s leg.      “No, I can’t keep it down! I’ve been down here for week and I’m starving, and I—”      “Hey!” Zoë grabs his collar, stopping his rant. “Shut up!”      “Don’t tell me to--”  he bites back, but she shushes him and tilts her head to hear better.

     Now that it’s quiet in the tank, they can all hear a low rumble of a running engine. It’s origin is still distant, but seems to be steadily approaching.      “I know that sound,” Sam comments.      Zoë recognizes it, too. She could pick it out of a line up of a thousand motorcycles.     “It’s my Dave.”       The hunters exchange a look, considering the options in silent communication. The fact that the Harley Davidson just entered the property, doesn’t necessarily mean they are out of the woods. For all they know, the shapeshifter could have shed again, assumingly having copied Dean’s body.      “Everyone back in their cell!” Sam orders.      “That son of a bitch is riding my bike,” Zoë mutters, receiving a glare from the younger Winchester, since it definitely isn’t the most important matter right now.      All close the doors and hide in their cage. The engine above ground is killed, total silence all that is left. Quietly, they listen to the footsteps above them, Sam and Zoë concerned and ready for combat, the rest full of fear.       “Sammy?!”      It’s Dean. It sounds like Dean, at least.      “Sam! Zoë!?” his voice echoes over the terrain.      Zoë glances at the young hunter, tensing up. Then she nods.       “Dean! We’re down here!” Sam yells at the top of his lungs.      Moonlight coming through the small holes above them is blocked from entering the tank. The cover shifts with a screeching sound and Dean’s silhouet appears through the round hole in the ceiling.      “I noticed the ‘D’ projected on the beautiful clear sky this evening, thought you might need some help,” he jokes.      “You’re not Batman, Dean. Get us out,” Sam responds.      “How many of you are down there?” he asks.      “Eight.”       “Alright, let me get the rope and a flashlight from the trunk. I saw the car parked up front, be right back.”      The figure that has such a resemblance to Dean disappears again, leaving a heavy silence.      “Follow my lead,” Zoë whispers to Sam.      It doesn’t take long for their rescuer - or kidnapper - to return, because a minute later a rope falls down through the sewer drain. He aims a flashlight down the tank and focuses on Zoë’s face for a moment.      “Good to see you, too. Awkward, but good,” he admits, that trademark smirk on his lips.      “Do I wanna know?” Zoë comments. “Get your ass down and free us already.”      He shines the light on the others down the tank.      “Don’t worry, people. You’ll be out in no time,” he assures, then lowers himself down into the septic tank.

     His feet haven’t even reached the ground yet, before he feels Zoë’s tight headlock around his neck. She pulls him off the rope and throws him on his back, overpowering him in a blink of an eye and landing on top. Sam quickly picks up the torch and shines the bright light in his brother’s eyes. They don’t flash white; Zoë still stares down the pair of emerald green irises, holding his wrists over his head with one hand, pinning him down. It's not enough proof for her yet, because she jerks Dean's pocket knife from his belt and carves the unexposed skin on his forearm until blood becomes visible. He flinches and lets out a gasp.      "Ow! You bitch!” he curses, eying her furiously as he pulls his arms free.      In response she punches his chest, warningly, an ‘umph!’ escaping Dean’s throat.      “I told you not to call me that. I had to be sure,” Zoë counters, not even bothering to apologize.

     Stunned, he eyes her while catching his breath, which proves to be difficult, since the huntress has a powerful grip on him with her thighs.      “You get a real kick out of torturing me, don't you?”       “Don't be such a baby. You're definitely Dean, though,” she huffs, crossing her arms in front of her chest while judging him.      “Oh, shut up,” Dean returns, already done with her smart talk, before he redirects his gaze to his brother. “You okay, Sammy?”      Sam smiles, deciding not to correct his brother on the nickname for once.       “I’m okay. Good to see you made it in one piece.”      “Likewise. Now you--” Dean returns his glare to Zoë, who’s still sitting on his stomach, and shoos her. “- get off me. I already had you all over me tonight.”      Zoë furrows her brow puzzled, wondering what he means by that, but stands up and allows him to do the same.       “You have a phone?” Sam asks.      “Yeah, I already called 911,” he informs and turns to the others. “Now, let's get you people out.”

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to reblog my work or buy me coffee (Link in bio at the top of the page).

Read part eleven here

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[fuckyeahevile]

Matt’s statement:

“This is an incredibly difficult statement to write, but I have to announce that I am stepping down as the frontman of Evile and leaving the world of live music. I want to make sure I explain this decision fully and effectively, as fans of the band, especially the people who have followed Evile from the beginning, deserve so much more than just a slapped together, generic, easily press digestible ‘band member leaves band’ paragraph. Evile has been a very large part of my life, something I have given a huge amount of energy and time to, and this is a decision which I have agonised over for a long time as it’s something I care about deeply, but it’s a decision I have to make. So, please allow me to explain it as best I can. There are two main reasons for this decision, firstly there is family. Since starting Evile, I had very few commitments, allowing me to sink as much time as possible into the band, but in the past several years that has changed. I became a stepfather to two young girls around a very traumatic time for them, and very shortly after became a father to my own daughter. The time that I have had available to pursue music has been vastly cut down, and considering the future when live music becomes possible again, the demands of a touring band lifestyle are not as viable and realistic for me anymore, as my duties as a father to three children outweigh anything else. I don’t want to be away from my family for large amounts of time, and outside of my full time employment I don’t want to divide 50% effort and time to the band and 50% to my family as I feel like I would be giving each side half of the time they really deserve, and if I have to choose which one I want to give priority and 100% to, it is my family. I don’t want to go out as a frontman who is only half prepared, half practised and half ready, as Evile and its wonderful followers deserve better than that - and on the other side of that, I don’t want to be away from home for long periods of time and not be around to help my children grow up, they deserve better than that, and I don’t want to miss out on any part of their lives. The other reason is my health. I’ve always said that I would do Evile for as long as possible, either until I’m dead or until I can physically no longer manage performing on stage. I have come close to the former, but the latter is now where things are (when compared to the former, a relief). Over the past couple of years I have had a non-stop run of health problems, mostly chest related, including costochondritis, several chest infections, a spontaneous collapsed lung (which I stupidly thought was another chest infection) and then kidney stones and a few other health detours. This all relates to singing, which is something that is nowhere near a natural ability or talent of mine, it’s something that I have had to work incredibly hard on to get to where I managed, which let’s face it, isn’t exactly anywhere spectacular, I’m never going to end up on anybody’s favourite vocalist list (although there is one thing I’ll mention later). But, the amount of upkeep it takes to maintain what vocal range/power/lung capacity I have/had to a usable standard is ridiculous, and my annoying health issues make that obstacle ever harder to overcome, made even more difficult by my limited available time to do so, it comes down to me accepting that I can’t do everything and I certainly can’t do everything and stay healthy. A singing voice is a muscle and I always had the time to spend training it so I could keep it in a decent place for getting through a tour. Now, my health issues of late have destroyed what singing voice I had, and in the past several months of starting vocal training all over again, getting somewhere, getting ill, starting all over again, getting ill, starting all over again, and so on - I have come to realise that I just don’t enjoy singing anymore and I’ve had to be very harsh with myself to realise that truth. I was never the best frontman, or the best singer, and Evile deserve to have a frontman who can give 100% to that craft, and I am fully confident that person is out there and can help take them to that next level where I hope and believe they can go, nothing would make me happier than to see the band be a real success. For twenty years I have had the great pleasure of writing and performing music with my brother Ol, Ben, Mike, Joel and Piers in Evile. It has taken us to places I never imagined, locations I never thought I would get to visit, let alone go to these places to play music for people who were willing to hear it. I’m proud of the band’s achievements so far, touring with some incredible bands such as Megadeth, Exodus, Kreator, Overkill, Voivod, Sepultura, Three Inches of Blood, Entombed, Forbidden, Machine Head, Amon Amarth, Satyricon, Gama Bomb, Warbringer, Dr. Living Dead, Lightning Swords of Death, Sanctity, Mutant, Pitiful Reign, Seregon, Onslaught and more, then getting to see pretty much all of America, Canada and a vast majority of Europe, living in Copenhagen for a month recording a debut album with Flemming Rasmussen and using some of the same gear used to record Lightning/Puppets, recording three albums with Russ Russell, releasing four albums with Earache Records, having songs featured on Rock Band, having a song in a Neil Jordan film (Ondine), getting into the UK charts, having original album artwork created by Michael Whelan (did you know the band members are hidden on that cover?), being on the front cover of Terrorizer magazine, playing at some amazing festivals and meeting some incredible people from all walks of life. There are plenty more to mention, plus all the brilliant things I’m grateful to have seen, which I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t in the band, like a small ‘up close and personal’ acoustic Skunk Anansie set in the press tent at Sonisphere (Paranoid and Sunburnt is one of my desert island discs, I had the chance to chat to them after their set but completely bottled it and will forever regret it), but I want to mention just a couple of other things while I have chance to do so. I’m proud of my contributions to Evile’s music, whether it’s riffs or sections here and there, or entire songs (Burned Alive, Plague to End All Plagues, Long Live New Flesh, The Naked Sun) but i’m proudest of the lyrics and vocal lines I contributed, which is roughly half of Enter the Grave, most of Nations, most of Five Serpent’s Teeth (for those two records however, Ol and Russ deserve a lot of credit for guiding me through parts I intended to sing, telling me it was nonsense after I tried it, and helping me find the correct choices, that was invaluable in making the albums as good as they could be) and nearly all of Skull - which is where I want to point back to what I mentioned about singing earlier, as while I acknowledge it isn’t a natural ability and I’m not the strongest or even that impressive of a vocalist, I will always be glad that my performance of Tomb exists on that album, it was a hugely personal thing to perform and record and I’ll be forever proud that I got to do that and do it as well as I possibly could, that is my favourite album of the four I got to be part of. I also want to quickly mention that I’m proud of being connected to Jackson Guitars for so many years, it’s an honour to have been in their catalogue too, I’ve played Jacksons for as long as I’ve been playing guitar, so I would like to thank them for being so kind to me for the 14 years I’ve been associated with them. This is a lot to read, but I want to get all of this written down as I’m trying to process my twenty years of experiences and thoughts on so many things connected to playing music, into several paragraphs, there’s a lot I would love to say, but I’m not one to outstay my welcome. I want to finish with a couple of things, one of them being a big regret I will have about leaving the band, that I never got to play a show with Metallica, that was my biggest personal goal in playing live music, not fame or anything material, I just wanted to play a show with the band that changed my life. Even just meeting James Hetfield would have been enough for me, but I guess that’s one personal goal I’ll have to live with missing the chance on. More important than the personal things I’ve just written about though, is one of my main areas of pride, and that is Evile’s fans, I’ve always been so proud to be able to say that Evile has such wonderful and dedicated fans, it has been a pleasure to meet so many of you, to stand on a stage and play music for you, to see and hear you singing lyrics and vocal lines that I’ve written, to see all that headbanging madness, I will truly miss getting on a stage to play those songs, so I would like to say a real thank you to everyone who has spent time listening to these first four albums and come to shows to see us play live while I got the chance to do it, I will miss your headbanging and energy like you wouldn’t believe, but I will never forget it. Lastly, and very importantly, I want to mention Mike. A person I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for being part of this band, one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met, a true heavy metal soul and a gentleman. This is one of the biggest things I’ve struggled with in my decision, I’m so sorry to him, that I can’t do my bit in continuing his legacy as a part it anymore. It breaks my heart to leave something that he was such a big part of, and that I was a part of with him, something that he was doing when we lost him. My hope is that, as a father himself, he would understand the decision I’m making. I’m taking all of my memories of Mike with me, and every year will always have a glass ready to raise on the day he entered this world, and on the day he left it. Thank you to everyone for reading this, hopefully I’ve written it well enough so you understand my reasoning. Please continue to support Evile as much as you ever have done, I wish the band all the success possible on their future journey, it’s been twenty years of extreme highs and lows, and everything in-between, I’m proud to be able to say I was part of it and I’ll be following where it goes from here with great interest, as a lifelong fan. My intention is to still play the Enter the Grave/Mike Alexander tribute show, whenever that may happen, as it would mean a tremendous amount to me to be able to pay tribute to Mike in a proper way, by playing the album he contributed the most to. But as of now, I am no longer part of the band. Please can I ask that people do not message me directly, I won’t be able to respond. Instead, please leave a comment below if you wish to say anything, positive or negative. The only thing I ask with that, is that you please remain respectful, whatever you want to say, good or bad, as the world has enough problems at the moment, and one of the things it needs is for people to think about what they say and care about how they say it. Thank you all again for your time in reading this, and thank you all for your time and energy given to Evile while I’ve been part of it. For the penultimate time (the last time will be the Enter the Grave/Mike show)... I salute you all.”

[bella-studio]

Don't wanna lose

/Listen, this is my first ROTTMNT fan fiction. And I warn you that in the original I wrote it in Russian(because I am from Russia), so there may be a poor translation. Please don't scold me xd. And... My text typography is very different from how many others do it. So... I hope this is not a problem, and you will understand/

“Donnie had a nightmare, but to whom would he go for help, if not his brothers?”

   The body hurts unbearably. As if all the bones were crushed into small pieces, as if they were well ground in a blender. I barely rise to my elbows and look around. Blood. A lot of blood. My brothers! They are also in the blood. Do not move. No signs of breathing. They have terrible wounds, and Mikey... Oh no, my poor little brother, he got the most. Looking at his broken shell is worse than the pain that I feel from broken bones now. I try to get up, but I can’t. My tech-bo is broken in half, and the shell sparkles from damaged parts. I hear menacing breath behind me. I turn my head. Shredder. He stands in front of me and looks into my eyes with a predatory gaze. At any second, he could attack me, but he was waiting for something. I hear someone is running. April! She is alive! She runs straight at the enemy with a bat in her hands. What are you doing again?! Run from here! Shredder grabs O`Neil with his claws and throws her to the side under a huge box hanging on the chain of the lift. The next second, the armor quickly chopped off the chains. The load fell on April. I heard a loud crunch of bones, and blood poured out from under the load. The shock froze on my face. And in a split second, Shredder, waving his claws, was in front of me.

— NO! — softshell woke up.

   And the next thing he felt was already real pain from hitting the bed cover. Perhaps a broken solarium is not the best option for a place to sleep. Von Ryan rubbed his forehead. He began to breathe air through his teeth, squinting his eyes. Such a dream. But this is not surprising. After a three-day battle with Shredder, the destruction of Donnie’s entire tech and almost premature death, the turtle could not sleep well. All these thoughts of death from the claws of an obsessed armor scared him.

   Donatello slowly walked down the stairs from the bed. 03:15 AM. Third time in a week. He rubbed his eyes, leaning against the table. Terribly wanted to sleep, but did not want to return to the nightmare. He needs someone who will help to distract from this. But who? Brothers are not an option. Father too... April. Yes, she also suffered, but she can calmly listen and help. The best friend after all.

   Donnie took out his hoodie, left the room, looked around. No one, everyone is sleeping. He slowly but surely headed toward the exit to the surface. He climbed the rusty stairs and opened the hatch. It's raining. To match the mood. Softshell closed the hatch and climbed to the roof of the house. Jogging can also distract. He went straight to his friend, jumping from roof to roof and slapping his feet in the puddles. About ten minutes later he was at her window. It is closed: both the lock and the curtains. Donnie sighed sadly, with his hands in his pocket. Unexpectedly there was a screwdriver. How on time. The turtle held the tool to the lock and stopped. But will it not be a hack? ...Nah, Donnie has the right to do it. He continued to poke around the lock until it clicked, announcing the discovery. Von Ryan slowly opened the window and opened the curtains. But here's what surprised: April sat on her bed in headphones, reading a magazine, under a nightlight:

— Do you know that reading under a dim light is not safe for the eyes?  — he said loudly enough for the girl to hear him.

   She jerked and looked in his direction, pulling out her headphone. They looked at each other for about ten seconds, until O'Neil spoke:

— Said the one who spent days on end sitting at the phone or laptop. — she answered with a grin.

   The girl closed the magazine, put it and the headphones on the pedestal and got out of bed, going to the window from which the softshell peeked out. She shoved him forcefully into the room and closed the window:

— What are you doing here?

— Me? I just wanted to visit you, to check how you are... — he was silent for a while, looking away. — How are you?

   The girl raised an eyebrow, looking skeptically at a friend. Donnie sighed, admitting defeat:

— Yeah-yeah, I know, I'm lying bad. Just a mental problem, Apes.

— Do you want me to listen? — in response came a sad nod. — Sit down and wait. Be right back.

   April left the room. Donnie, as his friend ordered, sat on the bed and waited, looking at her modest room. Solid walls hung with posters, garlands and photos. Photos with her, his brothers, with Splinter, her mom and Mayhem. Even joint photos with him and April, of which there were about five. Donatello smiled involuntarily. For the sake of such moments as to be with the one you love and cherish every moment, you want to live. April came soon with two cups of tea that both of them like. She crouched next to Don, giving him a cup, he gladly took it:

— Well... What happened? — she asked after a moment of silence.

— I had a nightmare. It has been repeated day after day since we got rid of Shredder.

— And what was there?

   Donnie looked at April. And she understood from his gaze. She began to look at the floor, considering everything. It’s strange that it’s Donnie, not even Mikey, who dreams of it:

— It was terrible. — began von Ryan. — I am alone, brothers are dead, there is no tech, I can’t move. Shredder is in front of me, but I see that you are running towards him. But he throws you back and...

— And? — stuttered, the girl asked.

— He killed you. Crushed by a huge cargo box. — Donnie started looking at a point on the wall. — There was a lot of blood, I heard a bone crunch. Shredder wanted to attack me, but I woke up.

   April looked frightened at her friend. Everyone shared their dreams with her, even Leo. Even Splinter! But not a single dream was so strange and cruel. And then the first dream that her best friend shared turned out to be just that. She wanted to support him, but Donnie continued:

— You know, I wanted to make a copy of Sunita's brooch. I wanted to become a human, wanted to study at school, go to college... But it turns out that we must fight all the villains, defending New York, and only God knows when this will end! — Donatello sobbed, bitter tears flowed from his eyes, dripping into sweet tea. — I do not want all this... I don’t want eternal battles, I don’t want victims, I don’t want... To die.

— Drop these thoughts, please! — O'Neil exclaimed, wiping the tears from the turtle’s eyes and holding a hand on his cheek. — You know that won't happen. You know that everything will be alright! Yes, we will fight for the preservation of the city, we will fight with the villains, but we will not die.

— YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS! — Don cried out, almost crushing the mug in his hands. He put it quickly on the pedestal and got out of bed. —  All I hear is words! "Everything will be fine! We can do it! We will win!" But no one knows the real cruelty of life! However, I lost everything I created over the years in a couple of seconds! Shredder nearly killed me! He nearly crippled Raph and Mikey! He almost crippled YOU! I am glad that we generally survived those three days, but the uncertainty about what will happen scares me! I’m afraid that I can literally lose everything: our adventures, our games, watching TV, pizza, Leo’s jokes, Raph’s hugs, Mikey’s paintings, Splinter’s stories, and, most importantly, my only best friend! SO HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!? — he abruptly fell silent.

   The room became very quiet, only sobs of the softshell and the sound of raindrops on the windowsill were audible. Donnie stood with his hands on his head, it seemed as if it would burst from his own scream. The throat now hurts, tears rolled down in a hail. This silence would have lasted longer if Von Ryan had not heard something. Is April... Crying? But she never... No... No, no, no! Donnie did not want to bring her to tears, he did not want to! The turtle knelt in front of her and put his hands on hers, holding a mug of tea that had already cooled down:

— Forgive me. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You are not to blame for our problems. You shouldn't have been involved.

— What!? — the girl was alarmed. Mayhem, which sat with her and reassured her, flinched. — You want to say that after all that we have experienced I am not a participant in all these troubles?! But I was the first to enter the Secret City. I helped you deal with the Purple Dragons, you guys saved me from Albearto, from Hypnopotamus, you defended my “Normal” day from Foot Clan, you helped to get Mayhem from the mirror, and I helped you with the missions. And remember, if I didn’t get on the train, we would not have guessed where Foot Clan had taken the armor! And you still think that I should not participate in this? So you don’t appreciate me as an important member of the team? As a family member?!

— It's not like that at all, April! — Donnie grabbed the girl by the shoulders. — I appreciate you! As a member of a team or family! And you can’t imagine how much I cherish you! I cherish the moment when we met! And I love you with all my heart, like a sister, but I'm afraid to lose you... — Donnie whispered.

   It was a shame. He just wanted help, support, and in the end he upset his friend. What kind of friend is he who raises his voice? April's hand touched turtle's cheek, and he looked at the her. She smiled faintly. She is no longer angry, but a precipitate of sadness remains in her eyes:

—  You're a fool. — O'Neil grinned. — Well, come here. — she put the mug down on the pedestal next to his and opened her arms for a hug.

   Donnie looked at April in surprise. They had not hugged together for so long, as if never. Von Ryan wiped away his tears and reached for his friend, clutching in "warm shackles." They sat like this for about five minutes. April began to giggle.

— What are you doing? — Donnie asked perplexedly, not breaking his arms.

— It's nothing. Just... To talk out, we had to yell at each other. I hope this does not happen again?

— We’ll try to prevent this... Listen, um... Can I stay with you this night?

— Of course, dude. Of course. Just sleep on the couch. — she laughed. — Just kidding, of course. You sleep with me, so that in case of what I reassured you.

— Pf! As you say, April.

I wanted to write that Donnie is more outspoken with April

Just adore these two

/if there are errors in the translation, then tell me about them. I am doing my best/

[luninosity]

2019 writing round-up post!

It's been an interesting year!

Once again, I suspect I wrote more overall than last year - but much more heavily original, and even less fanfic (but still some!) again. But a couple of those have been stories people really love, or seem to, from the AO3 comments etc. I didn't finish one thing I'd really meant to finish, but I did write a 254k novel, which, what even.

So...let's see what all those things are!

Academic (just to get this out of the way first) ~A book chapter on Disney's Robin Hood for an edited collection on Disney & pop culture (my chapter's around 5,000 words) ~The intro/my chapter/overall editorial work/bibliography for the Terry Pratchett book, coming 2020 (collectively, probably around 15k words of my own writing, plus comments on contributor essays) ~The book proposal for the Star Trek book (~3,000 words) ~The in-progress Neil Gaiman and Batman book chapter - currently around 2k, needs to be around 6k including references ~Plus one more successful grant application! Not listing all the conference/unpublished papers, but those too. Fanfic Stucky straight from your heart, E, 10,516 words - ah, yes, my contribution to the Bottom Bucky Fest! It was such a marvelous prompt, about Steve guiltily having a kinky fantasy about essentially rescuing and caring for the Winter Soldier (which also includes teaching him all about pleasure), and Bucky finding out about this, and them then negotiating ways to make this fantasy come true. I hadn't been writing as much Stucky, but this one flowed really well and felt really good, and people seem to like it! Evanstan (hmm - way less Evanstan this year! still some, at least...) Evanstan Round Robin 2019, T, 12,497 words overall, but my chapters total 2,528 words. The annual holiday collaborative masterpiece! So soft and fluffy this year - such a delight sharing this love and creation and fandom with everyone! Extra Sugar - My Evanstan epic fic-baby! I added chapters 30 & 31 in 2019, which brings the total to 107,533 words - which means, doing some math, that's + 4,000 words exactly, apparently! There'll be one more chapter. I know what it is, I just haven't had the time to write it. 2020 goal: finish off this series, completely, entirely, at the end. I'm still so amazed by this whole universe that I somehow made, and by the fandom response to it. *hugs you all* Cherik When It's Time, T, 2852 words - this one's not up on AO3 yet, though I think I can do that now, if it's okay with the @cherikzine  people! This was my story for the Bookends Cherik 'zine, and it's an AU with magicians in a sort of present-day fantasy setting version of the ending of Dark Phoenix, and it was fun to get back to one of my first real fandom loves, and I'm glad I wrote it. we are electric hearts, T,  2,732 words - fluffy little fun universe-crossover in which Erik and Charles meet Kris and Justin, my original Demon for Midwinter characters, written for @kernezelda <3 Original Fic (written and published in 2019) Gingerbread Dreams, M, 23,662 words - holiday m/m gingerbread competition baking fluff! A cranky judge! A cheerful ugly-sweater-wearing baker! The Grumpy One Is Soft For The Adorable One! The story I looked up medieval gingerbread recipes for, for a contestant challenge! Also contains a couple of familiar characters from "October Spice" in supporting roles... This story is also available as part of the Most Wonderful Time of the Year Trio Collection from JMS Books - three novellas bundled together, at a discount! October Spice, E, 3,130 words - the story that briefly made it to #1 Best Seller on Amazon in the LGBTQ Short Reads category! My super-short flash fiction romance for JMS Books, priced at only 99 cents! (Or even less, when on sale!) A first meeting, instant attraction (and some orgasms!), a Halloween-loving baker, and an adorable firefighter. (Evan and Matt (well, Matt in baked-goods artistic tribute) get a supporting role in Gingerbread Dreams, as mentioned above, if you want to know what they're up to...) (Also, Evan's last name is 100% an Ace of Cakes reference.) Bisclavret, T, 11,756 words - technically I had about 5k of this written YEARS ago, back when I first read Marie de France's 12th-century lai in grad school and immediately had to write an adaptation of it. But this version has extensive revisions, and ended up over twice as long. If you like stories about a medieval bisexual werewolf and the demisexual king he falls in love with, and a love of books and cuddling...well, that's basically what this one is! A Leather and Tea Morning, E,6,993 words - the first of the Leather and Tea sequels! (There'll be at least one more, about which more below.) Ben and Simon, a lazy morning, and some emotional comfort sex in the wake of Simon having been in a car accident. He's all recovered and everything - but there're some emotions that need to be dealt with, about Ben and protectiveness and tenderness and care and getting back to a very cautious-but-satisfying kinky scene. Sound the Fairy-Call, E, 5,545 words - the heavily rewritten (like, nearly twice as long, new original characters, world-building, all of that) original-fic version of my old Evanstan fic Glow, and it's basically the medieval fantasy healing-sex-in-a-forest story, with a fairy and a tired mercenary and Eastern European folklore references! Plus I've managed to quote Robert Graves in the epigraph! (To be precise, I wrote the first draft of this at the very very end of 2018 - I had literally just signed the contract before last year's writing round-up post. But then there was editing, revisions, etc, in 2019. So it counts!) This story is also available as part of the JMS Books 2019 Top Ten Gay Romance collection! Come pick up a copy and discover all the bestselling gay romance authors! The Ninepenny Element, M, 12,274 words - my first published lesbian romance! With a lawyer, a witch, some hexed earrings, a psychic younger brother, and a ghost puppy! This is essentially the sequel to Elemental (m/m, E, 12,776 words), since Verity's the older sister of Sterling from that story, but you don't necessarily have to've read that one first. There'll likely be one more - I have a vague idea about weather magic, and there's more to explore in this universe. The Pooka's Share, E, 20,205 words - a weary magical cop, an unruly faerie horse shapeshifter, and some creative punishments for apple-theft! More fun with folklore and sex and two people finding each other and turning out to be exactly what they both need, full of magic and compassion. This story is also available as part of the Legendary Loves Trio collection from JMS Books - three novellas bundled together, at a discount! Original Fic (written in 2019, publication contracts signed but stories not yet published) A Demon for Forever, E, 13,752 words - surprise! I thought I was done with the Demon for Midwinter universe - but JMS did a submissions call for stories celebrating LGBTQ marriage, and, well - I'd written the proposal story for Kris and Justin, so...we should get to see the wedding, right? This one'll be out in February. Justin may or may not wear a wedding dress. A sparkly one. :D Leather and Tea in London, E, 20,909 words - the third of the Leather and Tea stories! Written for the JMS Books BDSM collection call. Simon's brother needs a favor. So Ben and Simon head to London, bringing Ben's retired-spy skill set and also some fun toys for enjoying themselves... Original Fic (written in 2019, not yet under contract or published other than on AO3) Character Bleed, E, 254,099 words. Which means...since last year I had 40,371 words done...that's +213,728 words. In a year. Not even counting the Bonus Scenes (see below) or the sequel-in-progress. THIS STORY, YOU GUYS. I love it and these characters so much. It's the most ambitious thing I've ever tried to write, that whole story-within-a-story, being about actors filming a Regency-era gay love story, and falling in love themselves. I'm just looking at it all...and I'm in awe...and the response to this, oh wow. I've been so amazed and so grateful and so thrilled - the art, the trailer, the comments, the people thinking about these characters and loving them along with me - I'm so lucky to have all of you. *hugs everyone* And now I have to figure out what to do with it, and how and where one even publishes this behemoth, and how to cut it into manageable book-length divisions...! Character Bleed Bonus Scenes, E, 25,697 words currently - there'll be one more chapter, of which I have about a sentence written. I know exactly what that is, too - Colby getting to top, albeit still with Jason giving some directions. :D The untitled Character Bleed sequel, which is Leo's story - not up on AO3 yet, though I might start that with at least the prologue, later today or tomorrow. But it's already up to 15,511 words, plus my outline... Ember and Serenity, E, 20,752 words currently - I added chapter 4 in 2019, so about +5k words in 2019, I think? I do have plans for this one. Oh yes. My librarian-magician and his book-thief...yes. And if you're wondering who hired Serenity, well, there already has been a clue... :D

A few little scenes, odds and ends, plot bunnies like that necromancer/prince opening...not sure what the word count is there, probably a couple thousand. ~~ Okay, I THINK that's everything! Which is...a lot of words. Character Bleed alone...wow. Just...wow. It's definitely tilted even more toward original fic this year, and I didn't finish 'rain on tin,' which means it's been over a year since I've touched that one, so I'll have to get back to it!

But I did get to go back and write a couple things for my old Cherik loves, plus at least some Stucky & Evanstan, so that felt good, and I'm super-excited about lots of those original fic accomplishments - Amazon sales rank, sheer length, fun with medievalism, Top Ten achievements, my first lesbian romance, and of course everything about Character Bleed, which is, I think, my favorite thing I've written - it's so real in my head, and it was so weirdly easy to write, despite the length! Thanks for reading! I hope your year is starting off splendidly. <3

[willel]

Season 3 Review

TLDR; I’ve only watched it once so far. My opinions are relatively positive, but I did have this... weird feeling like something more was meant to happen but didn’t. 

The Review:

Here’s the order I will go in. Plot review, and then character by character review. For the characters, I’ll try to put the shorter reviews on top. Don’t expect a perfect review, these are my free flowing thoughts. 

Plot:

Plot was ok? I’m going over it in my head right now and there’s nothing in particular I didn’t like. Like last season, maybe they could’ve spent more time on other characters and relationships? Relationships that REALLY needed it? The flow of the story moved at a decent pace. I didn’t really feel like it was dragging at any parts. 

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but they just have way too many characters. When you have this many characters, you spread your story thin. It happens every single time. Why do writers never learn from this? The more you add, the more time you have to give them, time you don’t have?

But now it’s too late. Maybe some of these characters can fall back into the background? (Such as Robin, who I didn’t mind really)

As for how everything resolved, it was ok I suppose. The Mind Flayer? He was cunning, sure. But not nearly as cunning as the fandom dreamed him up to be, and I preferred the fandom interpretation. For a while we’ve all been predicting the Mind Flayer wouldn’t immediately go for El. He’d go for her friends and family, or Will’s friends and family, or Will again and then make it’s way to her. It’d make his beef with her very personal. Like take Mike. Or Hopper. Someone she’d least likely expect. 

But no, it was taking random victims from town, or people El already didn’t like or know. (which by the way, I feel sorry for those poor people. Some were just children. Tsk)

Things could’ve gotten so much more cunning and creepy. Like they’d all be questioning if they’d been infiltrated by the MInd Flayer and someone in the Party wasn’t on their team or something. I dunno. Something. 

As for how everything wrapped up, I don’t think Hopper is dead for one. Joyce was breaking down and assumed he was dead, but was she actually looking at his crispy body, or just an empty spot? If it’s empty, why do I feel like he escaped into the portal or hid somehow? Huh

And the very end?? As predicted, the Byers are moving away. I know before the season released the big theory was Will and El would be kidnapped, but after we got a still of Jonathan caressing Nancy’s face (they both looked to be crying), the shot of The Party biking away from the Byers empty house... I dunno. Something was off. Would Joyce still move if they were gone? I mean surely she would’ve stuck around Hopper to get help in finding their kids, and I highly doubt Hopper was gonna move anywhere. 

I remember a very long time ago, Noah mentioned something about characters coming together, but not in the way he expected. And more recently, he said something happens at the end of season 3 that will give him and El more screen time next season. 

This leads me to 2 conclusions. All that Byers fluff I wanted is next season... AND SO IS ALL THE EL AND WILL I WANTED. 

But... I feel like there was so much opportunity to put some stuff in THIS season, you know? So, I’m kinda conflicted right now. I look forward to it next season, but I also feel it could’ve fit in this season 2. 

CG looked good. Better than I was expecting. So good job folks. My biggest takeaway is simply too many characters. There just is. 

So, onto the characters!

-----------------------------------

Characters 

Erica: Very happy with how this turned out. We’ve already got black nerd rep with Lucas, but now his little sister too? So rare to see in media to be honest. It would be so cute if she joins The Party for DnD games. Not as a main maybe, but the person to go to for math.

Robin: You know, I’m glad it took the turn it did, with her being gay and all. I’m glad they aren’t trying to pair every single person under the sun. I think it’s good that Steve found someone that gets him, but that is truly just his friend that happens to be a girl. That said, I don’t know what there would be for her to do in future seasons, you know? Like, maybe she serves a role similar to Mr. Clarke where she can crack some code or something. But as a character? There’s no where for her to go, you know? And that’s not a bad thing! I think she can totally work as a supporting character. (though I feel conflict with that too. Cause she’s LGBT representation and we’re kinda imbalanced with the cast if you know what I mean)

Steve: I was fully expecting them to turn Steve into a complete goof and lean in too hard on the meme. They still kinda did, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. His doucher side still popped out now and then. Some scenes with Robin I liked (the bathroom discussion). Other times they spent WAY too much focus on his story (the “do you remember ms. Clicker” and “ooo the ceiling is wavy”). That said.... I feel like Steve’s character has also been mostly resolved? Where does his character go from here? Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend, but like Dustin’s girlfriend, I don’t find it necessary to focus on or anything. He’s got a friend his age now, still friends with Dustin. If there weren’t so many Steve fans, I feel like it’d be a natural progression to have Steve fall back a little too. (but I doubt that’s going to happen.)

Dustin: Dustin. Mmm. Dustin. I always feel like I have so little to say about Dustin. Not because I dislike him, but hey. We all have our favorites, right? I’m glad he took Erica under her wing and showed her it’s ok to be a nerd.... SD THAT HE BROTHER COULD’VE HAVE DONE THAT, but I digress I digress. Sometimes, your sibling isn’t the one to show you the way. It’s cool that he got a girlfriend I guess, so he actually wasn’t upset about Max and Lucas at all. He basically had similar feelings to Will, but less angry and intense. Was not interesting in the whole singing situation, but it was nice to have a comedic comeback with Lucas and Max teasing him.

Lucas: Lucas, my other son. He served the role I thought he would this season. The love doctor, trying his best to set his bestie on the right path. I mean, I guess his advice was sound, but El isn’t Max. His and Max more toned down relationship is how I feel like 14 year old romances should be. Teasing each other. Teasing mutual friends. Playing around. Hugs. They’re sweet. Wish we’d gotten more time of them talking about stuff going on though. I thought Max and Lucas would kinda work together to give their friends some space and give them time to think or something. Not Lucas actively working to get them back together and Max almost doing the opposite. I’m so happy that he was trying to apologize to Will about the dnd campaign. Will insisted he didn’t care anymore, but I bet he still appreciated Lucas bringing it up and saying it was a good campaign. What a good friend. So cute that they worked on the fireworks together. AND THE SEASON STAPLE HAPPENED, THEY HUGGED! YES. AND LUCAS WAS ACTION MAN, CUTTING EL FREE OF THE BEAST

Max: Max was definitely out of have fun this season. I’m glad she made a new bestie and they got along great. Though I do think Max could’ve approached the “you should be more independent” situation more gently (because El will take it all literally and do stuff word for word), it is what it is. The end result was positive. I’m glad Max called Mike out on being a little too controlling/protective, but you would’ve thought the others would’ve said something sooner? I guess Will tried but we all know how that went. Lucas poked fun at him, but didn’t really push for change. So, it’d make sense for Max to be the one to do it I guess. El had to make things change, not Mike. What I did not like this season was Max on multiple occasions trying to get through to Billy? We saw what their relationship was last season. Toxic as all hell. I’m sure Max wouldn’t want Billy to die or get morally wounded or involved in the supernatural shenanigans but... something was just off about everything. Mm.... like... she’s seen what Billy can do. Would she really doubt he did something bad that hard? It would have been nice if El had a “I need you to trust me.” line with Max like she did Mike. They’re both in their own way trying to dictate what El should be feeling (Max much less so, but still). Even if Max believed her, would’ve have changed much either way. Moving forward, where can her character go? Maybe some family stuff? Billy’s dead now. Where will Neil’s abuse go? Because, it’s clear he’s always just been a piece of shit. 

Mike: Mike wasn’t as cruel as he could’ve potentially been, but he certainly was a little shit sometimes. His love and affection for El was clearly becoming an obsession. I’m glad he was basically forced to take a step back and had to try and work things out. El gave him virtually no pity or reward until she felt like he earned it. And the whole thing with Will? Ooof. What were you thinking Mike? Will obviously put a shit ton of work into his campaign and then you treated it like a joke the entire time and didn’t realize you were being a butt until Will finally had enough. Mike has always been very emotional and hot headed. He easily gets tunneled visioned too. But you know, despite liking girls and being with a girl, Mike Wheeler is still Mike Wheeler, a nerd who doesn’t know how to deal with girls really. I’m sure by the next time we see him, he’ll be much better.

Hopper: Hopper??? He was.... basically a dick the whole season. While I didn’t mind he was being the “leave enough room for jesus” trope he had going on, threatening Mike and making him lie to El was just.... what the heck are you doing Hopper? You’re really going to risk your relationship with El and Mike because you don’t like that they’re kissing so much? I get that you miss spending time with your brand new daughter, but I’m sure eventually all those butterflies would calm down and you could have your father and daughter times again. He should’ve swallowed his pride and did what Joyce said. And then Joyce? Omg Hopper please. She lots the man she was potentially going to marry and move away with less than a year ago. I know you’re horny, but please have a little class? I don’t hate Hopper, but man. He was WAY out of line sometimes. And I probably only feel this way because Joyce essentially told him “Screw you” multiple times. I can see why Joyce was hesitant to jump into a relationship with Hopper. He does share a few qualities of Lonnie. Don’t get me wrong, not NEARLY as toxic. But Joyce spend the whole season arguing with him like she did her ex husband. That can’t feel good, you know? Hopper needed to be better. He needed more time. Buttttt, unfortuntelyyyyy, time that could’ve been used for that.... wasn’t used for that. As for his death? To be honest, I won’t be convinced until I see a proper body. But just.... he was so considerate and patient last season with Joyce. What happened? Ooof

Joyce: Joyce. Best mom Joyce. I love her. Always have, always will. She did not take any shit this season from anyone. I can tell she was beyond pissed that Hopper was blowing off her concerns yet again. It was hilarious that she left him alone to yell into the void and was like, “No it’s ok. I’m just gonna borrow these and break into the facility without you.” I wanted soooo much moRE TIME WITH HER SONS. OR WITH EL. What are you doing Duffers? Then again.... when I really think about it, Joyce hasn’t had anything to do except worry about one of her sons in season 1 and season 2. It was a nice change of pace for her. She had her own adventure of sorts and that’s great. That said, I did love the .00002 second clip of her and Jonathan wiping his face. And I love that she was hugging Will so tightly that he actually said, “I’m suffocating.” I also liked that Will and Joyce cried in each other’s arms..... BUT WHAT THE HECK, SOMEONE GIVE EL A HUG PLEASE

Jonathan: I will say Jonathan’s nonchalance toward Nancy’s treatment did not feel quite like him, but I guess I understood his point of view after they were fired. Like, OBVIOUSLY he didn’t like Nancy’s treatment, but I guess the Byers financial situation has gotten so bad he just.... let that stuff slide (Joyce mentioned how Hopper was her first customer and she’s doing nothing but putting clearance labels on all their store products, so her job is definitely not safe) I’m glad we were granted not only the arguments, but also their apologies and whatnot. I feel like it’s in Jonathan’s nature to be skeptical until he’s proven utterly wrong. Not a bad trait to have, just makes him a wee bit hard headed. I was sorely missing Byers bro time. Omg there were so many opportunities to have them not just next to each other, but speaking and stuff? Or worrying about their mom? Or something? What is up with that? Ooof. They said this season was reminiscent of season 1, but I don’t see that at all. Even when Will wasn’t there for most of the season, the Byers still just... had so much???? going for them??? But now? There are no gifsets I can make this seasons of the bros basically. Or of Joyce and Jonathan. Like, nothing. And that’s a shame. (Just that scene of them driving in the car basically) Though, LET ME JUST SAY IT WAS SO BIG BROTHERLY THAT JONATHAN WAS TRYING TO HELP EL BUT WAS UNABLE TO CATCH THE WIGGLY CREATURE. AND TRYING TO PROTECT EL FROM THE WRIGGLY MOUTH TENTACLE. He’s so soft. 

Nancy: Nancy had a lot to do this season and that’s great. I wonder now that the two hot dogs holding her back the most in the post are gone if she can finally shine and make a name for herself? Or maybe she’ll follow her mom’s advice and work for a different paper? I’m glad she stood up for herself and followed through with her investigation. Also, it was kinda cute that Mike called for her when the big beast was breaking through the ceiling

Karen: KAREN. I thought I was going to be really mad at you this season, but I’m glad you turned things around. Ted sucks, but he’s not a creep or abusive. If you want a new life Karen, then I hope you do it the proper way. Just divorce him or whatever. But you know what? Karen dragged his ass out to a crowded fair and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself so maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. As for the kids, omg. I’m glad Mike and Nancy finally came to her to cry and talk. Maybe they didn’t tell her everything, but at least they told her something? You know? And she had beautiful sound advice for Nancy. Karen is back in the graces of good moms again. 

Will: WIll my boy. I know they said Will would be getting a break this season, but other than his friendships falling apart and feeling like the worst... to me, it was kinda odd how the Mind Flayer didn’t care about Will at all? Will is basically giving away all of the Mind Flayer’s secrets and he doesn’t care at all? Does he not know? Surely the all powerful Mind Flayer can tell... unless it’s not the Mind Flayer piece that’s giving Will this ability to sense him. Like, Will really has a sense evil ability I suppose. Which leads me to WIll’s power. I think this can be considered Will’s power, but I have a problem with the way they implemented it. Will sensed things sure, and could tell the Party if the monster was nearby or something. But... why have Will feel that so late? Wouldn’t this plot point be better implemented by Will feeling the Mind Flayer much much sooner? Or within people when they aren’t acting psycho with black veins? Why have Will say “Oh yeah, something bad is here.” When it’s obvious something bad is here. You know what I mean? I mean, technically he was feeling it before anyone else noticed anything, but not enough time to properly warn them. You know? Maybe this is a matter of practice makes perfect. He needs to work his new muscle to get a faster heads up. But yeah, my prediction in that way was right. His powers would be related to sensing or feeling. In some episodes, there were these various moments where I was sure Will was going to step forward and say something. Or offer El advice or comfort (like when she was diving deep and Flayed Billy was being mean, because he’s seen and felt some shit too), but it never happened. It always fell onto Mike to resolve. And I mean, that’s ok I guess. And typical of him to do so. I was also expecting more people to notice when Will was touching his neck and stuff, but Mike only noticed that one time in the movie and no one else paid attention. Also, it was weird that it took Will so long to notice Nancy and Jonathan’s struggle in the hospital. Side note, Will the Wise had me ROLLING. Will should join the drama club after all. He’s amazing. He should become an actor. On the topic of his sexuality, I have changed my mind on it. While before I was certain he was gay, now I think he’s either gay or aroace. Or both. To be honest, I’m not well versed on the subject, but whether he’s ace or not, I think he’s still gay. As for where his character is going? I hope his BRAND NEW SISTER EL can get him to chill on the “All girls are icky” routine. Pffff. My boy, you don’t gotta romantic like a girl to be friends ya know. Honestly, I can’t believe Will and El only really had 1 conversation on screen. That is BOOTY. P.S, I’m glad there wasn’t a love triangle. It would have been a mess. Lol

El: And nowwwww, to El! El dealt with a lot this season. I remembering mentioning to a friend that everyone demands Will get a break, but never mention El getting a break. She was basically tortured this season. I’ve discussed her a lot in Mike’s section, but to summarize, I’m glad she found her own form of independence this season. She was taking on a little too much Max (like she was with Kali. And before that, Mike), but by the end, you could clearly see she really coming into her own. A little mix of everything with her own self coming through. Now, onto her powers. So, they’ve changed how they work a little. Apparently, El decides who can and can’t see her in the void. That means, the ONLY people who have broken this rule is her mother and Flayed Billy. That whole thing with Will? That’s because she wanted him to hear her at the very least. And also, apparently anyone can talk to El while she’s in that place because she heard Mike like she heard Joyce in season 1. Also, that power to dive into memories wasn’t Terry’s power. Or rather, that’s yet another power El has that her mother has too. At this point, it kinda feels like they’re just piling any ability onto El that fits what they’re trying to do with the plot. It is an interesting choice that she’s lost them for now, but I wonder why exactly. You can still hear when she’s using her power, but nothing happens. Now El can really be a “normal” girl until they reappear (which they’re bound to do). Also, IT IS SO SO AMAZING THAT JOYCE TOOK HER IN AND NOW iT’S A FAMILY OF 4 AND JOYCE IS LEGIT HER MOM OMG. EL HAS A MOM!!! (Ok, she’s always had a mom. But you know what I mean) She’s now living in a house with more people. And although Joyce is a very clingy paranoid parent, she is not clingy and paranoid like Hopper. If there’s a problem, she properly address it with her kids. I think El will really like this new take on family with Joyce. 

Other:

Was SO happy to see Bob. I’m glad his memory is alive. Would’ve liked to see Will think about him, but I guess Will had another things going on. Still. Would’ve been nice. Very nice. Also glad to see Dr. Owens for a split second. You know, I really liked that Alexei guy. He turned out to be kinda adorable and was really trying to help. It’s so sad what happened to him honestly. Didn’t care for trying to make Billy sympathetic, but I guess if you’re going to kill him off, you should better understand why he’s suck a dick. I guess. And, it’s quite sad all those people disintegrated into poo. I feel like I already said this. 

--------------------------------

Conclusion

Although my feelings have not completely settled, there is one thing that’s clear. I still prefer season 1 and 2. I basically feel like everything I expected to happen this season is actually going to be next season. It’s a weird feeling to have. Makes me feel uncertain. Should I really be looking forward to the promised next season when I felt like this one surely could’ve had more? Know what I mean? 

I want to say I should definitely be getting what I want next season. But... I wish it were this season. 

As for what’s coming next, well, obviously the Russians are dumb and they opened a gate. And they have an American prisoner. But anyway, I wonder what the Mind Flayer/Demogorgon is going to do next. Track down El? Mmm.... and I guess the US government right now must not be a threat whatsoever. Not with Owens in charge. Mm. El faced no backlash being seen by all those government goons. 

Ok that’s it for now. If ya got questions my askbox is open.

[mazojo]

Favorite Sohma’s

Hi yes, uh, I needed a space to rant about fruits basket because I am still very broken so yea

Disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I still love them all very much, just needed to get this out of my system ayee. Also I will include a song that reminds me of them because I am that invested in this so yeaaaa

14- Kagura Sohma

Boy by Little Mix - “I know what you’re worth girl, you know what you got”

I rank Kagura as my least favorite just for the fact that I cant really relate to her I guess? I mean, she is okay, I think she is cute and all but I don't think violence is the way to go about her struggles and she is so much more worth than she gives herself credits for. In the end, I dont think I full understood her big struggle as much as the other characters and thats why she is at number 14, although I want her to be happy and full of love and support like the others ;w;

13- Akito Sohma

My Eyes by Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day - “But it’s plain to see, Evil inside of me is on the rise”

Akito is a complicated one for me man. Of course, in the beginning and throughout the manga you learn to really dislike her because she did some terrible things, specially to my baby boi Yuki and eye-.... But then when we learn more about her and everything she has gone through we start sympathizing with her but i..... cant just forget everything she did. I get she was traumatized since she was little, she became dependent on the zodiacs because of her father’s words and mother’s behaviour thus becoming a broken person with this big responsibility she didn't ask for. It really ticks me however, how much pain the others underwent through her, and even though its a healing process, the traumas and everything they suffered is still there which is why I cant place her higher. I do not hate her by any means, but she isnt my favorite person on this list either. I do ship her with Shigure and I think they help each other out, and they grow from the other.

12- Shigure Sohma

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs - “Now would you pray before you twist the knife? Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?”

*big sigh* Shigure is also a complicated one for me. It may be my big dumb energies showing but I didnt fully get a grasp on his character? I know he was doing everything for Akito’s sake to liberate from the curse and be with her so she is finally a “woman” but he always acted a bit shady xD?? I would have love to know more about his backstory, we dont get much from his motivations and character other than the perverted aspect and that he loves Akito lmaoo. I do think he is hilarious and I love the dynamic he has with Hatori and Ayame lol

11- Ayame Sohma

Starships by Nicky Minaj - “Starships were menat to fly, Hands up and touch the sky “

To be honest I am pretty neutral about Ayame’s character. He is hilarious and I love how Yuki insults him every tike he gets the chance lolll. I like how throughout the story he tries to change to become a better brother to Yuki and person even though he is pretty extra most of the time about it. He has a good heart and even though he made some mistakes he owns up to them which in my opinion, makes him a good character <33 I love his friendship with Hatori lmaooo they balance each other out sooo well

10- Kureno Sohma

Taking Chances by Celine Dion - “Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay”

I really like Kureno! He has gone through quite a bit and he needs a hug. I am sad thinking how most of his life he lead it pretty similarly to Yuki’s, apart from everyone and super enclosed to his relationship with Akito due to him breaking the curse and feeling bad about it. I do wish we would have gotten to know more about his personality and story, if we did I would have definitely ranked him higher! He really reminds me of Tohru’s father and I think Uotani is perfect for him <33 would have love to see more about the two of them and hopefully they expand upon it in the anime

9- Ritsu Sohma

Waving Through a Window by Ben Platt - “On the outside, always looking in, Will I ever be more than I've always been?”

Okay okay so I have a lot of thoughts on Ritsu. Manga Ritsu is okay, I really dont have much of an opinion on him due to him appearing only in a few chapters, I feel like from the Sohma’s, he is the one we get the least information about. But then the anime episode came out where they presented Ritsu and I thought they gave him so much more life and rounded personality where, I get to relate a lot to him? I am someone who is constantly apologizing for absolutely no reason and seeing him be all anxious and stressed about others interactions is big relate to me and I stan. I also think the whole dressing as a woman plot line is better dealt with in the anime and I hope we get to see more about his insecurities and troubles in the future because he is truly a very interesting character! I stan my one (1) anxious monkey.

8- Kisa Sohma

Mean by Taylor Swift - “But you can take me down with just one single blow, But you don't know what you don't know”

Cinnammon rooooooolll. Kisa is such a cutie. I dont have much to say other than my mood every time I think about Kisa is hugging her like Tohru does because she is babyyyy. Also her bullying story is one I think many viewers and readers can relate a lot to and such an important topic I think they covered pretty well and I loveee. Also her and Hiro are one of my favorite ships because they work so well and asdfgh in this household Kisa is a queennn.

7- Isuzu Sohma

Take me Home by Jess Glynne - “Came to you with a broken faith, Gave me more than a hand to hold”

I really like Isuzu!! I am pretty bummed we wont get to meet her in season 1 of the Anime reboot but hopefully in the nest season! She is quite a complex character that I didnt really understand at the beginning but once we see how much she loves Haru and all that she does in order to protect and keep him save she really went up my list. She has gone through so much, from her shattered reality from her parents, Akito threatening Haru, her being locked up withour given any food.... Isuzu is so strong and one of the best build characters in the series and I am super excited to see her in the anime!

6- Hiro Sohma

Time to be a Man by The Airborne Toxic Event - “And it’s time to be a man, Tell me how does that go?”

My bastard childdd <33 He is such an asshole and such a sweetie at the same time. His whole inner struggle of not feeling like a good enough man for Kisa is so heartwhelming and I think it really makes sense to the type of person he is. The flashbacks of him telling Akito how he loves Kisa and the feeling of uncertainty and impotency when seeing the girl he loves being hurt by his actions and wanting to be good enough for her even though he is more than enough sdfghjasd. I am also a softie for older brothers who love their families *cough cough* spoiler alert: Momiji *cough cough* that I love me one angry boi

5- Hatsuharu Sohma

4 Seasons by Rex Orange County - “I saw myself as less and you so high above me”

Cow boil! apart from the fact that I love love loveeee Haru’s design, I think he is also such a well build character! He is not only supportive of everyone (aka the loves of his life, Rin and Yuki xDD) but he is so interesting! His split personalities give him a cool trait (even though dark Haru doesnt appear much in the end of the manga) and I love how he helps everyone and makes sure those he loves are protected at all cost and happy. He is Rin and Yuki’s fan club stan leader and I am co-leader so we been stanning aye

4- Hatori Sohma

Fireflies by Owl City - “I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell”

Boooooy the next four to come are my absolute favorties and I would die for their happiness and love so *takes big breathe* I LoVE hAtORi sOhMAAa. To be honest when we first meet him I didnt like him much. I thought he was your usual dark deep character who doesnt talk much because he is too cool for everyone (which, he is) and that was that. But boi was I in for a riDE. His story about having to erase the memories from the woman he loves is one of the ones I cried through the most. I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I had to erase the memory of the person I loved the most, make them forget they ever met me, all our happy times, sad times, angry times.... No matter what its one of the most saddening moments and the whole scene is heartbreaking, which makes me love Hatori even more for the fact of how strong he is and selfless. He puts himself before others and he need to know he also deserves happiness and I am glad in the end he got it because homeboy needed a break ;w;. I also adore Ayame’s relationship with him xDD, he is like his idol and big same.

3- Kyo Sohma 

This song saved my Life by Simple Plan - “Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, Trapped in a world where everyone hates me”

Top three babyyyy. We have now my angry cat boi™. I mentioned it before but going into the reboot firsthand without reading the manga nor watching the first anime, I thought Kyo was going to be my absolute favorite character. I knew he would be the angry boi who was soft inside and probably had a tragic backstory™ that made him act the way he did and I am a sucker for those types of characters. And I love Kyo, I really do, specially when we find out more about his struggles and past. The exclusion he felt throughout his life for being the cat, the abandonment, feeling like he had no one and was ready to die because he didn't have any source of genuine happiness (well, apart from Kazuma ya know but stillll). Then he finds Tohru, the girl he promised to protect, the one that reminded him of the woman that helped him out all those years ago and I just.... poetic cinema at its finest. Kyo and Tohru make one of my favorite couples and I love how flustered and In absolute l o v e he is with her and Kyo is great man....

2- Yuki Sohma

Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS - “Crying even when you're happy, Smiling even when you're feeling lonely”

THIS WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MA ENTIRE WEEB CAREER SO EXCUSE WHILE I SCREAM. Yuki Sohma won my heart and entire soul throughout the series. I liked him from the start but he wasn't my favorite favorite at the beginning you know? I thought he was isolated and thats why he didn't have much friends and he was perfect and what not but boi was I wrong and happy about it. I think one of the reasons Yuki is one of my favorite characters in fruits basket is how much I can see myself in him. Having the constant need of perfection while also wanting to connect with others but finding it hard is something I personally struggle with and every time we learned a little bit about his backstory my heart broke. Everything Yuki had to go through, the rejection, the isolation, understanding that you are loved and not a burden, falling in love with someone, finding that figure of a mother/friend he always yearned for.... The complexity of Yuki’s character is astounding and I love my rat boi so so much.... When he joins the student council, finding his little group of friends and opening up to a more carefree and true Yuki, forgiving those around him and going and eye- YuKI IS MY BABY RAT BOI AND STAN HIM OR PERISH FROM HERE ;w;

1- Momiji Sohma 

Eine Kleine by Rachie - “If I were to go through life living just to take somebody else's place, Then I would rather have been born as a pebble, living out my peaceful days “

*Clears throat* *trumpets sounds intensify* *stands on podium* I LOVE MOMIJI SOHMA WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Thats it. Thats what I want you to get out of this post. I don't know if this is maybe an unpopular opinion-ish but Momiji’s backstory of his mother rejecting him, saying awful things, him having to accept being forgotten by his mother and sister whom he loved, not even being able to live with his family, is one of the most heartbreaking ones of fruits basket. Maybe its like what I said with Hiro and I am a sucker for big brothers that love their families, the sad smile of Momiji, my baby, angel, perfection when he sees his family and not being able to be with them, him loving Tohru but letting her go and be with Kyo because its her happiness that matters to him and I am-..... The selflessness of Momiji and how much of a sweetheart he is, his heart of gold and always being there for those around him, that moment where Akito was looking for Tohru and he got hurt trying to defend her.... Momiji is one of my all time favorite characters. He is a precious bean and I will never not shut up about my love for ma boi <333

Anyways that was long and ramble but I just needed to shout this somewhere because I've been missing they //rip

[camp-campus-universe]

Camp Campus AU: Part 2

Finally! It’s here, after like a week! This took longer than I thought it would, these characters are really hard to draw but I think I’m pretty satisfied with what I have right now. Since I finished this, that also means I dedicate more time to asks, specifically those that requests drawings! That also means I can focus on drawing comics and stuff revolving around their relationships, which I’m excited. I’m really excited to continue with this project and see it grow, and I’m so glad you’re all here to see it with me! You have no idea how grateful I am for all of the love that you’ve all sent so far! Thank you so much. Anyway, without further ado, here we go!

Maxwell/Max : Like many of his peers, Max hasn’t changed much since his time at Camp Campbell. Max is still as vulgar as ever and maintains his pessimistic outlook on life. However, many people think its all just an act now to keep up his reputation. Since Camp Campbell, Max’s life has honestly taken a turn for the better. He has a healthier home life, loyal companions, and Mr. Honeynuts. He is generally happier than he was 7 years prior. The only inner conflict Max truly struggles with now are his budding feelings for his best friend and whether or not he wants to jeopardize their friendship. Also Max is often teased for his “baby” hands, they’re really really small. 

Cornelius/Neil : Intelligent, cocky, and overly sarcastic, Neil plays the role of the parent when it comes to handling Nikki and Max. Unlike his friends, Neil was the only one who matured both physically and mentally and feels as if its his job to make sure Nikki and Max don’t wind up killing someone else or themselves. As mentioned before, Neil and Nikki remained close even after each summer brought an end to their Camp Campbell experience. The reason being his dad and Nikki’s mom eloping and combining the families. While Nikki is eager to invite Neil into her life as the older brother she never had, Neil harbors a sort of resentment towards his dad as a result of his parents’ divorce. Although he is glad to spend time with Nikki as well, Neil is still consciously struggling with his parents’ divorce and can’t help but to think that Candy is a homewrecker, even though he had admitted before that his parents’ relationship was awful. Outside of his home life, Neil can be a bit stuck-up and act like a know-it-all at times. He still harbors a deep loathing for Harrison, now mostly because Harrison claims to be a flat-earther. He’s also still incredibly annoyed by Space Kid, although he has no reason to be. Neil also runs a tutoring business at school in order to make a profit, but unfortunately for him (Or maybe fortunately) Tabii’s his only reoccurring customer. Neil is also Erin’s vice president in the Student Council and they seem to make a great team. He also has custom-made glasses because his nose is so fucking big.

Preston Goodplay : Preston is the stereotypical school thespian. Like at Camp Campbell, he’s outrageous and posses a larger than life attitude. He’s both over-dramatic and overemotional, but refuses to take any form of criticism. Preston is often cast as a main role in any school production and even takes it upon himself to critique his underclassmen in the drama department. Despite coming off as a total wacko, Preston is very talented and each performance that he gives is full of energy. Preston is very particular about his passion and is quick to anger if things don’t go his way. Preston acknowledges his relationship with his of his Camp Campbell peers, but doesn’t really willingly share his interest with any of them because of his fear that they might fuck it all up. However, he and Nikki do bond over some musicals that they both enjoy, although Nikki is usually more interested in the violent parts than the actual plot. 

Rudolph “Dolph” Houston : Dolph is the youngest of the cast and the only underclassmen in their friend group. Dolph continues to remain in high spirits and prefers to think positively than reflect upon the negative when faced with difficult situations. After High school, Dolph plans on attending a local Art College in order to truly embrace his career as a professional artist. Growing older, Dolph, like any other boy, went through puberty and grew facial hair. However, he ended up accidentally shaving it in an incident at Camp Campbell one summer and it never grew up correctly after that. Although an innocent mistake, the uncanny resemblance to Hitler disgusts Neil and causes him to keep his distance. Ironically being the youngest of the group, Dolph is a good friend with sole senior Ered. Dolph, like Nikki, has a great admiration for Ered and respects for activism. Using his artistic talent, Dolph often agrees to make protest signs for Ered or even help her vandalize the town to get a message across. Overall, Dolph is the same sweet boy he was years ago. 

Neil Armstrong Jr./Space Kid : Space Kid is just as optimistic and upbeat as he was before. However, he’s also gotten a lot smarter. Inspired by his great grandfather, Neil Armstrong, Space Kid decided to take up an internship at NASA and since then has put a lot of focus on his grades. Much to Neil’s annoyance, Space Kid’s GPA is practically the same as his, which is impressive. Although, the constant work has taken a toll on him and has made him absolutely exhausted. His exhaustion explains why he comes to school dressed comfortably in pajama pants (NASA merch of course TM) everyday. But regardless of overworking himself, Space Kid still tries his best to put on a happy face for his colleagues, even if they don’t appreciate it. 

Harrison : Exerting the same confidence and pride as before while still upholding his magical title, Harrison is the school’s sole illusionist. Although now his tricks aren’t seen as that impressive anymore among his peers, Harrison often attends parties and other small events and shows off his miraculous talent. He hopes that one day he’ll be discovered and whisked away to a life of fame and fortune. Harrison is kind to practically everyone he meets, but his rivalries with Neil and Nerris remain very alive. As a way to annoy Neil, Harrison often lies and says that he’s a Flat-Earther with no intention of listening to Neil’s explanation as to why the Earth is round. Harrison also rivals Nerris not only in magical skills, but also in opinions. As a die hard Harry Potter fan, Nerris had solely read the books and reluctantly turned to the films but found them to be distasteful. However, Harrison had never read the books and enjoyed the effects that the movies had, claiming that they’re superior. And by saying this, the two renew their fierce opposition to each other, but no one can stay mad at each other forever. Having a mostly positive attitude, many might not believe that Harrison actually has a secret, one that lies beneath his iconic white gloves. But it’s too soon to know for sure what it is yet. 

Gaylord “Nurf” Nurfington : Nurf ended up growing into a model citizen. After many anger management classes and corrective punishment, Nurf has finally turned his life around in the right direction. He and his mom currently live together and support each other, trying to rewrite their bad decisions from the past. Nurf often participates in volunteer work as well as lead a therapy group. He has also experiemnted more with his own identity and is comfortable admitting that he is in fact Bisexual. Nurf is also Quarterback for the school’s team and is known as one of their best players, alongside Nikki. Even though he is on his way to becoming an ideal person, Nurf still displays some aggressive tendencies and is very overprotective of his friends from Camp Campbell. 

The Wood Scouts (Billy “Snake” Nikssilp/Edward Pikeman/Jermy Fartz/Stephen van Petrol) : The Wood Scouts don’t play a particularly large role in this AU, but they still exist in this universe. Edward’s leader status has deteriorated in the group and has become co-dependent on Jermy and his newfound popularity. Jermy had gotten a major glow-up over the last Summer and is now considered to be the hottest guy attending the school. Because of his popularity, Edward now clings to Jermy in a one-sided friendship and uses his popularity as a way to elevate his own confidence (he wants clouts lmao).Snake and Petrol have both noticed this behavior from Edward and are disgusted by his attachment to Jermy. Edward often neglects his friendship with the two and refuses to associate with them. Snake still has a small crush on Tabii, but understands that she is completely invested in Neil and wants what’s best for her. Petrol plans to enroll in the military after graduation. He also struggles to find shirts that fit him.

David & Gwen : Here they are! In all of their glory! Unfortunately this time around, David and Gwen don’t play as large of a role in the campers’ lives, but are still actively present in this AU. Summers back, David had fully encouraged Gwen to leave Camp Campbell in search for other job opportunities in the hopes of making her a happier person. With some persuading, she eventually left and the two had little contact with each other since. Since then, David has been running the camp by himself. Now David is the proud father of one. And that one is Max. David had officially adopted Max a few summers ago to help him out of his bad family situation and now lives his life as a proud suburban dad. David then started to rely on Max to help him co-counsel the Camp during the summer, because he though it’d be a great father/son bonding experience and the rest is history. When he’s not a happy-go-lucky camp counselor during the summer, David spends the rest of his time as a Dental Assistant because he loves nothing more than to see people smile. Gwen, however, didn’t find the happiness she thought she would after leaving Camp Campbell. Searching for jobs endlessly, Gwen eventually was hired as a high school guidance counselor but was fired months after because of a incident where she made a student cry hysterically. Gwen was then stripped of her title and sentenced to a secretary position. Although thankful she still has a job, Gwen is as miserable as ever and has to deal with the kids she once knew from Camp Campbell. Most of her time is spent with Max, purely because he’s given a detention every other day, and she couldn’t hate her life more. Hopefully one day Gwen will find the fortune she deserves.  

[meanwhileinsidemyhead]

You've read The Foxhole Court?!! The ANGST. The glorious ANGST in those books. I got way too excited when I saw you reblog something related to All For the Game. I adore that series. :))

OMG YES! I finished “The Foxhole Court” a couple of days ago, and now I’m almost done with “The Raven King.” Last night I was reading it on the train back home, and I almost missed my stop because I didn’t want to stop reading, LOL. This series is SO GOOD. Where-Have-You-Been-My-Entire-Life good. I think I will re-read it right away, as soon as I’m finished with the third book.

I am beyond happy that you’ve read it and loved it. I’ve been going crazy because I have so many feelings about it and nobody to talk to about them. I was planning on looking for active Tumblr fan accounts as soon as I was finished reading the third book, but this is SO much better because it’s YOU

I apologize for the incoherent ramble that will most certainly follow.

My favorite part is how they are (slowly! painfully slowly!) becoming a family. I was close to tears when they played their first game as a team rather than individuals. They still have a long way to go, but they are already so much closer than when Neil first got there.

I love them all so much. They are so complex, layered and real. Sometimes their actions/reactions seem extreme, but then I find out something about their past and suddenly it makes perfect sense. Like, when Andrew almost kills Nicky for flirting with Neil after Neil made it clear he wasn’t interested? It looked like an over-reaction. But then last night I found out that Andrew was abused and so of course he was going to react that way.

Neil breaks my heart with all his trust issues and his fear of getting close to people because he believes he’s going to lose them one way or another. He’s so guarded, but at the same time he longs for a family/home. His deep understanding of his teammates and their issues is heartbreaking to see. I also love how he hero-worships Kevin and, at the same time, finds him annoying, lol. (Which is why I thought they might get together.)

It took me a while to understand why Kevin is so cold and only seems to care about Exy but it makes so much sense now that I know his backstory. His perseverance and resilience are inspiring. He wouldn’t have survived all those years otherwise. I’m glad he got out, even though he had to pay too high a price.

Andrew. Oh, my. Every time I think Andrew’s past can’t get any worse, it does. WHY??! I want so badly for him and Aaron to be brothers, and for both of them to find peace/balance.

Nicky is simply too good for this world. After all he went through with his parents, when he finally found love and happiness, he left it all behind and came back to adopt his cousins so they wouldn’t have to stay with his awful parents??? And he’s so positive and upbeat all the time. Like, how?

Matt. MATT. I CAN’T WITH HIM. How dare he be so sweet and caring? Doesn’t he know I have a thing for tough guys who are actually sweethearts? I just want to hug him for a week, then wrap him in bubble wrap and protect him from every single bad thing in the world. Like, I didn’t care too much about Seth’s death. He didn’t deserve to die, but he was a homophobic jerk, so I wasn’t going to cry about him. But then I saw how much it affected Matt and just— AHHH! I physically need Matt to be safe and healthy and happy. If Riko or anyone else hurt him, I will find a way to bring hell down on them. I hope he’ll never have to see his father again. Who intentionally gets their kid addicted to drugs?!

The girls!!! Dan is such a badass and I love that she doesn’t hide from her past and doesn’t let anyone fight her own battles. She is a wonderful captain, too. No one else could take her place.

Renee… oh my, Renee might just be my favorite female character. I love love love her friendship with Andrew. She is all kinds of wonderful. I feel like from the beginning she’s the glue who holds the team together.

I hope to see more of Allison, too. I still don’t quite get how she fits in with them but I cannot wait to find out. The way she stepped up for her team so shortly after Seth’s death showed she’s much stronger than I initially gave her credit for.

Coach Wymack is a wonderful human being, and so are the nurse and the psychiatrist. They never give up on those kids and they always manage to find the right mix of tough love and understanding. They are so sensitive to everyone’s unique struggles and issues, and at the same time encourage them to become the best versions of themselves.

I love how the author shows that, given a chance and the right environment/support, these kids can overcome their pasts and be a million times better than anyone gives them credit for (and a billion times better than the people who hurt them!)

And then the ships! I knew from the beginning that there was a ship that would take a long time to develop/get together. At first, I thought it would be either Neil and Kevin, or Andrew and Kevin, but now I think it’s probably Andrew and Neil? I’m not 100% sure but it would make so much sense. I feel like Neil is the only one who can give Andrew a reason to live/be okay/stop his self-destructive behaviors, and Andrew is the only one who can stop Neil from running again. I still love the (complicated) relationships/friendships Kevin has with Neil and Andrew, though. (And I was shocked to learn that he has a girlfriend. I didn’t think he loved anything else besides Exy!)

Matt and Dan are wonderful together, of course, and I hope we’ll get to meet Nicky’s boyfriend Erik at some point.

Of course, I want them to win the championship and humiliate the Ravens. I hope Riko and coach Moriyama will pay for what they’ve done. Every other person who hurt my babies, too. Especially Matt’s and Nicky’s fathers. Such horrible human beings.

I’m gonna stop here because I’m afraid I’ve already gone overboard, LOL. And I realize now that since you read the books a while ago, you probably don’t remember every name and detail. Sorry!!

[wellamarke]

Ooo another one: Athena and to some extent, V

(For context, this is about this character Q&A challenge thing that I reblogged back when series 3 was airing!)

WOW OKAY so I was just thinking to myself that it was weird that I couldn’t remember what I’d written about V for this, because I wanted to compare if I still felt the same about her after the finale episode, and Lo and behold (haha, see what I did there) I find that I actually never finished answering, which is why I couldn’t remember what I’d said!

(I know, I know, reading that was tiring, but imagine having to BE me)

Looking back now it’s super unfortunate that I didn’t write the V section when this ask first came in, because it would have been an interesting comparison… but I think I was felled by not having much V content to go on, before 3.8, whereas now I can talk at much more length!

I had, however, finished the Athena section, so here you go, this is what I had already in the draft:

First, Athena:

• Do I like them? Yes, she’s a brilliant character!

• 5 good qualities: She’s SO SMART, oh my life, major brain crush. She uses her intelligence in a way she considers ‘pure’, despite the more lucrative options that are open to her, so she has a strong moral code in a climate ruled by selfish gain. She’s motivated by her love for her daughter, which defies all odds and succeeds in pioneering an entirely new scientific field - what an icon! She takes crap from exactly NOBODY and is sassy as hell in the process. And she’s willing to help Karen, for which she’ll always have a special place in my heart.

• 3 bad qualities: She wasn’t exactly quick to accept synth consciousness, umm, so she killed a bunch of them pretty callously. Like Ed, she was able to convince herself they weren’t really people long enough to serve her own purposes, so that’s… I’m less keen on that. Umm.. she can be a little brusque, I didn’t particularly like her scene with poor Helen Aveling, who was another lady in science trying her best! No need to put her down! I guess from a narrative perspective, I could say that Athena is a little superfluous, especially since she doesn’t seem to be coming back. We’ll count that! Lots of her harder, colder edges are due to her grief so I can’t really find it in me to pin them as ‘bad’. Have I mentioned, this show does amazingly with its characters, particularly its women?!

• Favourite episode: 2.8 was the goodbye to V, right? Ugh, heartbreaking.

• OTP: … this is kind of out of the blue but I could see her and Laura, mayhaps? Certainly there aren’t any human men left alive in the show who could hold a candle to her. Oh, but how interesting if she and Neil Sommer had dated in the past. Heh heh heh.

• BrOTP: Well, I’m so glad that she’s got Karen’s brain scans, so that she can recreate her perfectly and they can love and support one another!

• OT3: Athena & V & a weekly lunch date where V shows up on her tablet screen and checks in with what she’s been doing/how many synths she’s resurrected in her Mind Meadow.

• NOTP: Athena and her kind of boring husband, what was his name? One of those unisex names? I want it to begin with L? Oh well.

• Best quote: “Nothing really bad has ever happened to you, has it? Because when it does, you don’t need reminders about your insignificance to the universe.” I’m quoting from memory so it might not be the exact wording. Amazing line, anyway.

• Head canon: I like to think that Athena did, in fact, have something to do with Leo’s early treatment. I mean, Max isn’t even with him when it happens, so at some point the Elster sibs must have pooled resources and talked about what was going to happen with him. (They probably moped about their literal surgeon brother not being there too). Anyway, somehow they found Athena and she did some salvaging (having also recently practiced with Pete when she uploaded his consciousness, pending upload to a new body) and later handed over to Anatole. Basically my headcanon is that nobody has really died in this show since Athena and V were introduced. Athena knows how to save human minds and V can grab the synths. Sorted.

Now V! The only one I had previously answered was this:

• Do I like them? Yes, bless her digital cotton socks!

Although now I might slightly rephrase that in favour of:

•Do I like them? I think so! But in the words of George Millican, she worries me! Moving on to the rest of the questions…..

• 5 good qualities: She cares about others, and is benevolent towards the synths even though she is a separate species in and of herself, with a less defined concept of “them” and “us”. Where she can, she acts to relieve suffering (giving Odi the rest he wanted, even if we’d rather she hadn’t). She’s resourceful. She’s developing/has developed a strong sense of herself and her chosen role, which is lovely to see as growth since her confusion in series 2. Aaaand, she recognises Niska’s worth and potential (even if… well, see next part).

• 3 bad qualities: She’s not too bothered about Niska’s personal agency, and would rather focus on convincing her to carry out her will. Speaking of her will, she does seem to think her way and ONLY her way is the right way for both organic and synthetic humanity - and while she might be the best disposed to predict future events, having access to the entire world’s knowledge etc…. that still doesn’t make her Actually Omniscient, I’m sorry. Whatever she thinks. And for a third, hmm, maybe she was a little harsh to leave her mother all of a sudden, but for all we know they’re back in contact now?

• Favourite episode: whichever one it was in series 2 where she starts to piece together who she was but refers to Ginny as ‘she’ rather than ‘I’ - that was so powerful and chilling.

• OTP: I’ve never thought about an OTP for V, ha. Hmm, not in the romantic sense, but I think she and Niska COULD be a winning combination, if nothing goes to awry in s4, but I am on standby for Niska having to stand against her at some point and take her down in some epic, badass way. ALTERNATIVELY, can V make Q properly conscious, and we can see what on earth a ship between 2 non-corporeal AI characters looks like? Or rather, doesn’t look like?

• BrOTP: Supposing that V stays nice, I would like her and Astrid to bond about how much they value Niska, possibly for Astrid to give V a talking to about straight up manipulating her, but in general for them to team up in making sure Niska is taking care of herself during her difficult reign as Queen Indigo.

• OT3: Well, Niska and Astrid and V, I suppose, given my last two replies!

• NOTP: That creepy dude with eyes on his eyelids can stay far away from the Synth Who Sleeps that he’s so obsessed with, thank you!

• Best quote: Listen, I will NEVER not get chills about “Why did you ask me to lie to him?” Every time I hear that line, I am there in the auditorium watching the extended trailer for the first time and it’s just SOOOO GOOD.

• Head canon: ahem, okay, buckle up kiddos because this answer requires some backstory. So, since the age of like 14, my favourite book has been Speaker for the Dead, which is basically about future humanity trying to peacefully coexist with a new alien race, centuries after they wiped out the first alien race they encountered. The main character, Ender, is friends with an artificial superintelligence called Jane, who like V, has access to every piece of information on every computer, can process billions of thoughts at once, keeps her existence a secret from most of the human race, and can appear as whatever image she likes on a screen. (Unlike V, she grew out of a computer game rather than being a transferred human consciousness). Aaaanyway. In the book and its sequels Jane shows an interest in helping humanity & the aliens to understand and accept each other, and partly it is because she’s just a sweetheart, but partly, too, it’s because she hopes that if humans can understand the Pequeninos, who have physical bodies, as they do, but are fundamentally different from them in many ways… if they can learn to live with and value this alien race, then maybe one day, Jane hopes, they will also be able to understand and accept her, too, even though she’s not got a physical form and is fundamentally different from them. Sooooo, I immediately loved V in series 2 because she reminded me of Jane and I love Jane, but now with her new role in series 3 I can see even more possible similarities. My headcanon (the point of this entire essay if you’ll remember) is that V’s quest to end conflict between synths and organics is not quite as altruistic as it might seem, but is rather part of a larger plan to gain acceptance for herself. There’s this amazing quote from Speaker, about Jane who, being aware of all the science fiction the human race has come up with, therefore knows how many of us fear the potential of someone like her coming to exist, and how many stories there are about her final destruction. V doubtless knows all the same stories. It’s in her interests to foster an environment of human acceptance of AI consciousness, to set the stage for her own emergence. This is probably a conclusion that is easily drawn without bringing Jane and Speaker into it, but what can I say, I love it when parallels between my favourite things present and deepen themselves. Okay, that’s probably enough of this, hmm?

Since apparently I’ve woken this again, why not send me a character! If you want! Or reblog the thing!