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yukidragon · 2 years ago

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Yuki!

How a parallel story would have developed where Alice would have become pregnant of Ian's child and he'll take advantage of this to tie her up in the relationship despite his infidelity? And on that same stage Alice met Jack like in the original game?

I've actually touched on this idea before, only in that scenario, Ian got the affair partner pregnant as well. The sad thing is that if Alice was pregnant, it would be more reason for her to try harder to forgive him and reconcile, if only for the sake of their baby.

Content warnings for unwanted pregnancy, cheating, toxic relationships, discussion of abortion, chronic illness, risk of miscarriage, manipulation, yandere behaviors, gaslighting, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, and the like. Just figured I'd throw that out there at the start.

A lot of the events would play out similar as mentioned to my previous post - Alice got pregnant before Ian flew off to his new school and found out several weeks later. She fretted for a while how to tell him, not telling anyone until she could nudge him to come home for a visit so she could tell him in person. It kept getting put off due to classes, and when they made plans for him to go home during a long weekend, the plans got cancelled. That cancellation left Ian feeling lonely and was when he cheated. After he confesses to her over the phone, she blows up at him, breaks the news, and has a breakdown.

In a way, things are simpler without a baby in the picture. When Alice only had to think about her own feelings and wants, she could more easily shove them into the background as unimportant. She could more easily justify that the best thing for the both of them was for her to forgive Ian.

With a baby to consider... that just adds so many extra layers to things. Alice had several days of knowing to fret over the baby, overthink on her own, and decide what she's going to do about it. Aborting the pregnancy was considered briefly, but rejected completely. She's pro choice, but she could never go through with getting an abortion herself.

Alice has to think about what's right for the baby, their baby. She was already scared about having a baby much too soon while she and Ian were both in school - they weren't ready for this! The only reassurance she had was that her partner was the sweetest, most caring, and most trustworthy person she could ask for... Now she found out he cheated on her? He swears it was a mistake, made only once in the heat of the moment, that it never happened before and he swears it'll never, ever happen again...

Alice's trust in Ian has been shattered, and now she has to figure out what's best for their baby.

Alice has always had a tendency to put the needs of those she loves above her own. Most of the time that wound up being Ian, since he just needed her so much. Now she has their child, who needs her far, far more than Ian does. Though the baby also needs their daddy... right?

It's so painful finding out Ian cheated... the apologies he gives makes it sound as if it's hurting him far more than it does Alice. It's like she doesn't have a right to be angry when he's so remorseful about it. She does believe he feels guilty and made a mistake.

Of course, Ian feels like absolute shit. He can't help but compare himself to his father. It all sends him into a panic. Ironically it's that same absentee father who is useful in moments like this thanks to the trust fund that was left for him. Ian buys a plane ticket, a ring, and hastily flies back. Who cares if he misses classes, this is important damn it!

Ian is going to fix things. He's going to make things right.

It... doesn't go well. To put it mildly.

Ian was being impulsive and emotional, just wanting so badly to fix his mistake and apologize. Alice heard him say he was coming home and she expected him to want to talk face to face about everything... and suddenly she's blindsided by presents, his weeping apologies... then a declaration of love and a proposal as he gets down on one knee.

To Ian, this is him making amends. He's making a promise to Alice and their baby that he'll be the father his own dad wasn't. He's never going to cheat or anything like that ever again. He's going to step up and take care of all of them. He loves her so much and will do everything in his power to take care of her and their child...

The sad thing is Alice can see that intention, at least to some extent. She knows this is Ian apologizing... and that's what hurts the most.

Alice did dream of marrying Ian one day. She wanted him to be the father of her children. She wanted a big romantic proposal when they were both ready to make that step, either made by her or by him. It was supposed to be because they couldn't imagine a future without the other in it. It was supposed to be because they loved each other and only wanted each other.

This proposal wasn't that. This was an apology, a band-aid over their problem. Ian proved that he didn't want only Alice when he slept with someone else. He's scrambling. He's not proposing because he loves and cherishes her and can only see a future together with her... he's proposing because he doesn't want to be like his father and leave her unmarried and their child as a "bastard" made out of wedlock. He's proposing to fix his mistake.

To Ian, this proposal is a romantic gesture to ensure that they'll both have the loving future they always wished for. To Alice, it's a perverse mockery of that very sentiment.

Alice has been trying to hold it together all this time, but the proposal breaks her. The surprise pregnancy, stressing on how to break the news and make it work, college classes, working a job, finding out Ian cheated, and now this?

The stress is just too much on her body. It's fortunate that she doesn't lose the baby, but she does go to urgent care.

This leads to Alice temporarily moving back to the King family home for a while due to her delicate state. She can't be around Ian right now, not when she's hurting so badly because of him. She can't risk something happening to the baby... and Ian sadly has to accept that, so he goes back to the college, though he swears he's not giving up on them and pleads with her not to give up on them either.

The King family's reactions to Ian cheating are about the same as the regular universe, though the pregnancy does complicate things. Coraline works a little harder to act as mediator to help them patch things up, while Barbie is screeching at Ian over the phone that he better take responsibility and pay child support but never touch their big sis again. Mama King tries to convince Alice to move back home for good so Alice and the baby will be taken care of, while Papa King will support whatever Alice chooses to do.

Ian, of course, is calling and texting Alice constantly. So many apologies and asking how she's doing. He needs to know she and the baby are okay. He doesn't care if this leads to Barbie calling him to scream at him, he's going to take care of Alice and their baby no matter what. He's going to fix his mistake.

Despite the pain, despite advice from Barbie, Shaun, and others... Alice eventually decides to give Ian another chance. They don't break up, and she tries her best to forgive him.

In a way, things improve. In a way... they're more broken than before. After the cheating incident, the cracks in their relationship were bleeding now, and both of them couldn't ignore them anymore. Unfortunately, with the baby the pair are trying even harder to pretend the cracks are not there, which only makes them bleed more.

They both almost convince themselves that nothing has changed. Ian is happy, excited to be a father and to see pictures of the ultrasound and other such milestones. He wants video calls every day and to see the baby bump. He wants to visit in person, but Alice deflects from it, saying it's not a good time, and he should focus on his studies. He uses that as an incentive to try harder at school, to truly step up and become a good provider.

Ian still wants to get married before the baby is born and Alice... she just doesn't know what to do. This is important to him that their baby not be born out of wedlock after what he went through. She would have accepted if he didn't cheat, but...

Every time Alice hesitates and asks they wait or evades the topic, Ian acts like a puppy she just kicked. He's instantly apologetic, knowing it's his fault she's hesitating, promising he'll never cheat again. This is his fault, but he's going to try and he asks her not to give up on them. They can make this work as long as they don't give up...

The manipulation is so much thicker and more toxic. Ian can't risk losing Alice and their baby, not when he's dangling by a thread like this. He now knows just how much he'll lose if he doesn't make amends. What more can he do to prove that he's sorry?

Alice is weak for his manipulation. She's so painfully weak to it... and it hurts so much.

Eventually, when Ian tries again with a proposal when he visits home... Alice accepts. It went better this time, so much more romantic, a dream proposal really. He pulled out all the stops, got a ring thoughtfully chosen this time, and did everything she could've asked for. They both cried and she said yes.

This would have been Alice's dream, and she really, really tried to feel happy when all she felt was like she was suffocating.

The King family is pretty split on their reactions. Barbie is against this completely. Coraline is ecstatic that everything is working out in the end. Papa is worried but if this is what will make Alice happy, they'll support her... Mama knows she needs to have a very long talk with Ian to make sure he never hurts her baby ever again. The rest of the kids are younger so how much they understand of the situation will vary.

Shaun and other friends of Alice are divided as well. Shaun in particular thinks this is a mistake. He's not confrontational about it and he emphasizes he's supportive of her choices, but... is this something she really wants?

Alice insists that it is. She's wanted to marry Ian and have children with him for years. It always was her dream... She even convinces herself that things really will be okay.

Ian isn't the only one who knows how to act.

It's not that Shaun's arguments and those of her friends and others don't get through to Alice like in the Sunshine in Hell universe. They burrow under her skin and even though she tries to convince herself that the two of them can fix things... she doesn't feel like Ian really loves her.

Alice accepted the proposal while trying to convince herself that Ian loves her, but deep down... she knows they're right. She's a familiar comfort to Ian, like a security blanket. He's reluctant to lose her and move on independently to do what he really wants. Now he's clinging to her desperately to not become like his father, whose absence and behaviors left huge scars. He can't let her go... and that's not love.

Alice tries so hard to convince herself that's not the case. She loves Ian. She loves him so much and that love hurts so badly... and he loves her. She knows he does. Even if his reasons aren't for love, that doesn't mean love doesn't exist.

They'll get through this. They have to... for their baby's sake.

Alice redirects as much of her love to their baby as she can. Loving their unborn child is painful too, but in a different way, one that doesn't feel like it's killing her. She has plenty of quiet moments to herself, singing to her unborn child and having silent imaginary conversations about how they might interact.

Loving the baby despite circumstances is hard, but Alice finds so much more love in it than she does than facing the truth about her future with Ian and what they've become.

In this sort of AU, Alice would be shopping for stuff for the baby in thrift stores. She has to work on a budget. After the proposal, she would move back to the apartment to better convince herself that things are going to be okay and go back to normal. It's harder to move when so far along on her pregnancy, but she would be stubbornly trying to take care of things as much as possible.

That's when Alice finds the tape. It's a bit soon for something like an old 80's kids TV show for the baby, but it seems bright, colorful and charming. It seems so simple and nostalgic, comforting... and more than a little compelling. She decides to watch it and imagine herself and her unborn little one watching it together.

Needless to say, the confused but friendly clown who begs her to save him from hell and wants to be her friend is... not what she expected to find that evening.

Alice could use a friend right now. She isolated herself from her friends and family moving back to the apartment, trying to prepare for the baby's arrival and their new life... and the marriage. Ian was rushing the latter, trying to get it done before the baby was born. He would've gotten a civil union already if he wasn't fretting about at least having a church wedding so that their marriage would be accepted in the eyes of God and all that other nonsense his mom hammered into his head over time.

Speaking of his mom... Upon hearing about the grandchild, she's been relentless, trying to sink her claws into the new grandbaby and interfere at every step. She uses her flying monkeys to send her messages along and help her barge into doctor's appointments. It's only after Mama King has a very stern talk with her in private that things settle down there.

Alice, of course, has the harpy blocked and refuses to talk to her. Sadly the same can't be said for Ian. He's always been weak to his mother, unblocking her even after somehow getting the strength to block her. Her guilt trips about being forbidden from seeing her only grandbaby are killing him along with all the other guilt he has.

Ian's mom is constantly on his case about his sinful ways, how he shamelessly satisfied his manhood, which got Alice knocked up, and cheating as well! How did she find out about the cheating? She stalks Ian of course, and she has plenty of flying monkeys to tell her what's going on in his life. He makes his guilt even worse, and she's basically taking charge of the wedding getting set up - big, lavish, and everything she would want it to be. It's the wedding she wanted but never got, so now she has to have it vicariously through her son. It's the least he owes her, in her opinion.

Alice thinks Ian is handling the lion's share of the wedding plans so that she can focus on the baby and her health. He said he's getting help, but he never said that one of those people helping was his mother. He decides it's best not to bring up her future mother-in-law after his first proposal sent Alice to urgent care and she's already dealing with so much stress...

When Jack comes into the picture, Alice is close to not only her due date, but when the wedding will be. He still falls in love with his sunshine at first sight, so it's heartbreaking to know she's engaged and pregnant with another man's child. At first he does resolve to try and be the best friend he can for her, helping her and listening to her like a true friend should... and he very quickly realizes that though Alice says she's okay with a smile, she's actually pretty miserable.

Well... Jack just can't let this go on, can he? What kind of a friend if he did that?

Jack's manipulation and psychological tactics come out real quick. He's supportive and kind to Alice, everything she needs... but is Ian really what she needs? He takes the seeds of doubts others have already planted and makes them bloom into a garden. It's made worse when Ian acts more stressed lately, snapping at her more frequently.

Ian has been under a lot of stress lately after all. He has college, trying to get a job to support the baby, the wedding, his mother, his baggage with his dad, stress of being a new father, and now absolutely awful nightmares that point out all his flaws and how worthless he is... how much he's disappointing Alice and everyone else. When she says things similar to his nightmares, innocent things that don't have the same meaning he sees in them, it's hard for them not to feel like digs.

The stress keeps building for Ian. He broke things off with the person he had an affair with, but they're his friend and they see him suffering and want to be there for him... He can't handle sleeping alone anymore, not with all the nightmares and feeling the noose of the wedding and fatherhood tightening around his neck by the day. He has to finish before the baby comes, which could be any day, and why isn't this enough to fix things? He can tell Alice is still broken over what he did, but he's done everything he can to apologize and still... still...!

It's after another nightmare that Ian has his breaking point. He needs comfort, physical affection, reassurance. He can't reach Alice over the phone - she has it off so she can sleep - and how dare he bother her after everything? How dare he after everything he's done for her while she's treating him like he's a repulsive toad while claiming she still loves him when she's the one who decided to keep the baby when neither of them were ready for it and his life is falling apart and he won't achieve his dreams now...

Before Ian realizes it, he's given in to his desperate need for comfort again. He needs relief... and he finds that in another person's arms. It's sick, repulsive. He feels vile afterwards... but he's messed up twice now. He's such a sinful, awful man. Nothing can be done about that anymore. He sobs apologies and finds himself worthless even as he drowns himself in pleasure just to feel a little better in the moment, to get some relief from his pain and suffering...

His nightmares that night are even worse than before, the worst they've ever been. It's almost like someone is angry with him. Maybe that's just himself though since Ian hates himself for his weakness not once but twice. That dark voice in his head forces him to face how worthless he is, how unworthy he is of Alice and her child. He just proved it didn't he? How can he still lie that he loves her when he would do something like this to her? Again?

The dark voice in his nightmares makes too many good points, knows so, so much about Ian... and especially how much he makes Alice suffer. She's in so much pain because of him, almost lost the baby because of him. If she hears about what he did, what will happen to her? To the baby?

Alice gets a phone call that morning... not from Ian, but from the hospital in that area. She's his emergency contact due to being engaged to him after all.

Ian... hurt himself last night. He was rushed to the hospital by a friend who found him muttering disturbing things while taking a knife and... That friend called an ambulance, and he's stable, but he's under suicide watch.

Alice is horrified. Fortunately Jack is there to support her and reassure her. He talks her out of taking a flight to see Ian - it's too risky on the baby since she's so far along. She has to let Ian's other friends take care of Ian now. Who was it who was with him that night?

...Wait, why was someone with Ian that night?

The truth of Ian's second affair comes out after just a little probing. Jack is there to support Alice when she has a breakdown over that too.

Lots of little truths come out, like Ian's mother choosing the details of the wedding, trading out the dress Alice wanted for something that matched mother-in-law's vision, among other things.

Jack wants to take care of Alice, promises he'll take care of her. It's what he's there for and he's her best friend after all. She can tell he's sincere, but it hasn't been that long since she met him, so she can't rely on him alone. She goes back to the King home again, this time leaving almost everything behind that reminds her of Ian... including the engagement ring.

There's no damage to anything in the apartment. With how Ian hurt himself, Alice feels so bad for him, though Jack is doing his best to keep her from blaming herself as much as he can.

Jack hates that this hurts her, especially since he had a part in it, but this needed to be done. What Ian was doing to her wasn't healthy, and his cheating only proved it. Maybe Jack went a little far, but he was so angry at what Ian had done. He needed to make sure Ian knew just how badly he wronged Alice. What Ian did that night, all those actions... those were all Ian. Jack only told Ian the truth, that's all. His hands are clean...

Jack is there to support Alice in the aftermath, especially when she gives birth. It's... a harrowing ordeal. There were times when he feared that he was going to lose her, and he's so, so grateful that he didn't, or her baby.

Despite the attempt at suicide, Ian is still reaching out to Alice, begging for her forgiveness, that he loves her, needs her... needs to see their baby.

Alice knows she can't deny Ian access to the baby, a cute little albino girl who takes so much after her, but with some freckles. The baby is as cute as a button, and Jack gives her sweet nicknames like sunbeam and sundrop. He can even miraculously hold the baby and she reacts to him due to Alice being pregnant when the connection was made. The baby can see him too, at least as well as newborns can see anything, which makes Alice feel relieved at the reassurance that Jack isn't just a hallucination brought on by a nervous breakdown.

Jack immediately takes the role of father, though he still calls himself Alice's best friend. She's in such a delicate emotional state, he knows he can't push her, but he will absolutely exploit the moments where she thinks of how dependable and fatherly he is...

Eventually, Alice will understand just how much Jack loves her, and she'll love him just as much in return when that day comes... but he needs to be patient. She's so wounded by lies of a false love after all... It'll take her time, but he'll wait for her forever.

After the attempted suicide and Alice telling him that it's over before never picking up any of his calls again... Ian is even more desperate than before. The nightmares still come, but they result in him needing her and the baby more. When he comes by to visit, to see the baby, Alice can't deny him, though she isn't alone when he comes by.

Ian is... a bit different. There's something tense and even a little scary about him now. Alice feels a brief jolt of fear when he holds their child, though she talks herself down. Ian would never hurt their baby.

Though Alice would've said Ian would never hurt himself or her either...

Thanks to the nightmares, Ian becomes more and more unhinged, winding up down the path of full blown yandere. Unlike Jack who won't hurt Alice, Ian is capable of that if it means keeping her and their baby in the end.

Fortunately, Jack is there to protect Alice and make sure Ian's attempts will fail in the end... though is this really a happy ending for him, his sunshine, and their little sunbeam when the story has gotten so twisted?

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask

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illumins · 1 year ago

Text

CHAPTER EIGHT

Calming Days

Sora sat quietly at one end of a small, circular coffee table in the café while Mark waited at the counter, ordering their drinks and treats. As she sat, thoughts raced through her mind about how swiftly this day had arrived, not perfectly planned but still here.

The night before, while taking care of her Nana, she noticed the slow depletion of her medication. Worries about the cost of prescriptions, a significant portion of her paycheck, plagued her thoughts. Using an entire paycheck for her Nana was inconsequential, but the prospect of rescheduling the date with Mark terrified her. "No one wants to go on a date with someone who cancels," she had thought.

Later, a call from her boss, asking if she could cover someone else's shift, compounded her predicament. In hesitation, she contemplated rescheduling or canceling. But Sincheng, her friend-coworker, offered an idea. “Why not just go in uniform? If the guy is as good as you say, he'll understand, right?”

Pondering over her attire—jeans, worn-out white sneakers, and her beige polo shirt with the cursive logo 'Sweet Brew'—she received another text from Mark an hour before their date. The embarrassment of going as she was seemed smaller than the potential regret and shame of canceling.

To her surprise, Mark understood and even smiled, suppressing laughter when he saw her tired and embarrassed state, trying to explain herself. He patiently listened until he finally spoke, suggesting he'd take her home to change before their outing. This gesture swayed young Sora's heart, leaving her feeling buoyant as she recalled it all.

Throughout the entire time, she felt like she was navigating a dream, where a kind, handsome boy took interest in her. She had always seen herself as just another face among many, either too bland or too peculiar for anyone's liking. Reflecting on their meeting, her thoughts veered back to when she first encountered Mark, her mind finding solace in memories of him.

Her fingers fiddled with the edges of her long-sleeve blouse, lending a sense of security and guiding her thoughts into a consistent rhythm. Catching sight of Mark collecting their drinks, she looked up at him with affectionate eyes, her heart skipping a beat. Is this love? She remembered Areum's words about Mark being the 'one,' wondering if such a thing truly existed.

As Mark joined her, setting the drinks down, she mouthed a 'thank you' before savoring the sweet cold tea. Mark had chosen this café for their date, mentioning how it evoked a sense of forgotten home.

“Do you like the place?” he asked, his eyes scanning the décor.

Sitting upright, Sora observed the café's charm, with white wooden walls accented by greenery, hanging plants, and a designated wall for customer-posted notes. She admired the aesthetic, a cute yet modern café.

“Yes, I like it. Even the name, 'Fig & Berry,' gives me a sense of sweetness and calmness.”

Mark smiled gently, acknowledging her words. As he glanced around, his gaze settled on the wall of post-it notes, evoking a familiar look in his eyes. Unable to resist, Sora inquired, “Have you ever left a note on the wall here?”

Caught off guard, Mark's reaction was a stifled laugh. “No, I always thought it was silly to leave something like that on a wall.”

“Why? It's like leaving a small trace of your past self here.”

“In a café?” Mark raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. Does this place hold memories for you?”

There was a pause, a moment of hesitation in Mark's demeanor as he stirred his drink, considering her question. Eventually, he raised his chin, meeting her gaze. “What's it to you?”

“We're on a date, right? I think it's fair for me to get to know my date. Or perhaps are you trying to say—”

Before she could finish, Mark interrupted with a laugh, “No, no, this is a date. I only bring people I care about here, you know.”

Blushing from excitement, embarrassment, and flattery, Sora glanced away, feeling herself melt under his gaze. I'll just ask another day... maybe.

As her cheeks cooled, her mind drifted to familiar territories. Special, huh? I've only ever been special to three people in my life, well, once it was five. Looking out the window, she pondered what 'special' meant to him and whether anyone could fit that category by just being kind or if it demanded something 'more.' The word seemed subjective, different for everyone.

Mark observed Sora, intrigued by the depth of her thoughts. She carried heavy burdens but didn't hold back when questioned or provoked. He watched her gaze wander outside, consumed by the stresses that seemed to linger.

Without warning, she turned to him. “What do you mean by 'special'? Don't get me wrong,” she raised her hands, "I love the place and enjoy hanging out with you. But you've only just met me.”

Blinking, Mark nodded, taking a moment to process her words before explaining, “I don't really like getting close to people... I've only ever brought three people here before, well, now four.”

He didn't exactly answer my question. Quietly agreeing to what he had told her, Sora decided she'd learn more in the future. For now, she wanted to enjoy her time with him.

The date progressed seamlessly, with Mark skillfully plucking at Sora's heartstrings, leaving soft notes that lingered. Every gesture and word created a symphony of remembrance. However, she awaited the inevitable 'catch.' Is it money? Loneliness? My body? Yet, it never came. Even as he dropped her off at her doorsteps, he didn't make any intimate advances or try to kiss her, contrary to what Areum had told her.

A part of her felt bothered by it, wondering if she had expected too much due to Areum's romantic notions. Yet, a bigger part of her felt content and relieved, the anxiety she had built up before the date fading away. It felt perfect, he felt perfect…

After tucking Nana into bed and answering her myriad of questions, Sora opted for a nighttime stroll. No scarf this time, nothing to tie her down or propel her into the streets for any reason. Just the sidewalk, a sweater, and a leisurely walk.

As she sauntered along her chosen path, she scanned the houses, noticing details previously overlooked in her twenty-one years in this neighborhood. Amongst the ordinary, one anomaly stood out—a man in a black leather jacket. Sora, despite her inclination not to engage with most of her neighbors or even people in her district, had a knack for remembering faces. From a distance, he didn't seem familiar. Alarmed, she debated whether to turn back or proceed. Am I succumbing to paranoia and fear again?

Sora froze, wondering what had betrayed her presence. Despite being at least twenty feet away, she squinted to even discern him from afar, yet he seemed to have effortlessly noticed her. Like a startled rabbit, she remained motionless as he slowly approached, his face becoming clearer with proximity and the ambient light. When he stood about seven feet away, irritation simmered within her. He scoffed at the change in her expression.

“You again?”

“‘You again?’ What, you don't think once was enough for me either?”

Sora rolled her eyes. “Did you stalk me for the bracelet? Is this stupid thing worth that much to you?” She lifted her left wrist, displaying the red woven bracelet Mark had bought her at the market.

“No, but if it's that stupid to you, why not just hand it over then?” He leaned in, his face close, eyes taunting like a crow's.

Drawing back, brows furrowed, she denied him, “No, it's mine.”

Stepping away but still within distance, hands in his pockets, he persisted. “I thought it was stupid to you…” His murmured words were intentional enough for her to catch.

“Anyways, why are you here?”

With heavy sighs indicating his fatigue, his words hung low at the tip of his tongue. “Why? Are you the police?”

“...I was just asking, asshole…” she muttered under her breath.

He tsked, responding, “I'm looking for someone.”

“Sucks for you, I know almost everyone here,” she grinned, feeling a shift in his arrogant demeanor.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, his weariness evident, he asked, “Can you please tell me where they are then?”

“You'll have to describe them to me.”

“What?” He raised an eyebrow.

Embarrassed, Sora looked away, admitting softly, “I don't remember names well, only faces…”

Frustrated, the man turned his back momentarily, muttering incomprehensible words before facing her again. “So what you're telling me is that you're useless.”

What a blunt way to put it, Sora scowled. “What, you can't at least describe the person to me?”

Through gritted teeth, he replied, “If I knew the person personally, I would have found them.”

Sensing his nasty attitude, Sora decided to leave. Screw it. She turned away, walking back home, leaving the man behind.

From behind her, he muttered, “Yeah, thanks so much.”

Asshole...

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roman-cates · 5 months ago

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Bryce grabs his computer on his way around the bed, but when he slides in he doesn't open it. Just leans it against the wall and lies down, staring at the ceiling.

He stares at the ceiling for ten minutes, wondering if he should leave. If he should try to hold Roman. If he should cancel the raid on the warehouse and just leave. It's too hot here, he could tell Boss, Human trafficking needs more care than Mal is giving it. Or fake two deaths, Roman Cates and Bryce Stryerson leaving the world, one unmissed, the other little lamented.

Roman wouldn't agree. Not with James, not with the future Jameses that were brought in boxes to the warehouse, all still at the mercy of Mal's 'trainer'.

And he wants to talk to Boss, first, anyway. Really talk, not take whatever scraps she gave him this morning. Ask her what the hell she was thinking, and what he's supposed to do, and how much she's really depending on him.

By half an hour into lying down, he's so busy chasing down scenarios in his head, each more implausible than the last, that he almost doesn't notice when Roman's breathing changes into the steady state of sleep.

By an hour in, he's sure he's just tormenting himself, not not approaching anything resembling a plan or a solution or…Any fucking thing. He can't stop.

He tries to imagine how it would go if he tries to send Roman away again. After their talk in the truck early today, he can't imagine it would go well. But after their talk in the park, he's not sure what else he can do. I know that your intentions are good…

Yeah, a lot of fucking good those have done him. His 'intentions were good' when he started selling drugs, too. Jill sure as shit couldn't pay the hospital bills, and their mother… Well, she's not in debt, even now, he knows that much. His intentions didn't do shit for the the middle-class kids in his school who never would have tried anything harder than weed, if he hadn't been there. Or for the people he hurt when he was just a pawn, sneaking home to Jill on the nights their mom worked the graveyard shift.

Granted, when he hurt people for years after that, his intentions hadn't been good. At his most inventive, his intentions had mostly been to feel something besides pain, but…

Bryce throws his arm over his eyes, careful even now to be silent. Not to wake up the young man next to him, the one who didn't deserve any of this shit.

This isn't helping anything. Wallowing in his own misery is not productive. It's not useful. Roman wouldn't thank him for it, if he knew.

Not that he'll ever know.

Sleep. Go to sleep, Stryerson. He pictures his condo. Sitting on the balcony, watching pigeons fly by. He counts them, replacing every self-indulgent self-hating thought with a flutter of wings.

By two hundred, he's asleep.

Roman nods off into sleep so slowly that he doesn't even realize he's drifting... And then he's standing at the window in his old bedroom, staring out...

For a moment, Roman is confused... How did he get here? Wasn't he... supposed to be somewhere else..? There's initially a vague sense of wrongness— a feeling that he hasn't been here in a long time and he's not supposed to be here now.

But then Roman sees his brother, Archer, backing his car out of the driveway and taking off down the road, and the feeling of confusion is gone. All that exists is a heavy feeling of sadness...

Why did Archer leave him behind..? Why couldn't Roman go too..? Things would be different now if he had...

Except that thought doesn't make any sense. Because now is now and... what was he thinking of a moment ago..?

Roman walks out of his room and suddenly it's the middle of the day and his mom is yelling at him. Yelling... blaming him for Archer leaving... At first she yells a lot of things, but then her words repeat like a chant. "This is all your fault. You should have made him stay." And... Roman finds himself crying, now... It's too much weight for a fifteen-year-old to carry... But he has to...

In bed in the guest room, there's barely a sign of the nightmare Roman is having... Silent tears slip down his cheeks and he shakes slightly...

Roman's father stands in the background of the scene, clearly distraught both at the leaving of his eldest son and his wife's treatment of his younger son, but he does nothing to intervene. He never does anything to intervene. If he did, then maybe Archer wouldn't have had to leave...

In the blur that follows, Roman recognizes the passing of weeks... of cold meals at the dining room table... of more yelling... of some bruises and locked doors... he never wants to come home from school anymore. It only means more fighting with his mother. Fighting... There's nothing to that term. Roman doesn't fight... He just takes it...

He sits against the interior of a tunnel in some abandoned playground equipment... Almost no one comes here anymore... He sits... and he stares at the little chasm between the paneling where he and Archer used to put rocks and sticks and sometimes funny little notes... and he sticks another little note in there. Except this one isn't silly. It's sad. And it joins the collection of other little notes that have started piling up since his brother left...

And Roman sobs...

#roman cates #roleplay #rp #whumpee #whump roleplay #whump rp #caretaker #whump #whumplr reader #bryce stryerson

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nigesakis · 12 days ago

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ok wait i gotta do a full thing on this. but like in comparison its fun to see the different audience reactions to each of dean and jess' actions cause its like

jess refuses to go to the carnival with rory even after she begs multiple times for days and jess knows its important her and only goes out of jealousy when and because he realizes Evil Dean is there (and hes also mean to a little girl the entire time through it) → "we know jess doesnt like social events and hes got issues :/"

dean gets frustrated when rory ignores him and cancels their plans regularly bc shes unhealthily obsessing over school (and then he genuinely apologizes and reflects and explains why he felt that way and why it wasnt fair of him to treat her that way) → "dean only thinks of himself and is a bad boyfriend"

jess rory emily dinner incident (and jess not explaining to rory why hes acting the way he does even though it wouldnt have been that big of a deal) → "we know jess got issues and hes had a long day :/"

dean jealous of tristin (but still trying to reassure rory that hes mad at how tristin treats her and him and not actually blaming her) → "dean is so possessive.... let her breathe"

jess literally going crazy with jealousy everytime rory and dean talk to each other and calling her a liar everytime she doesnt tell him about it bc she Knows he'll react like that and get mad at Her → "well... we know jess got abandonment issues :/"

dean getting bored after two hours sitting there waiting for rory but still not complaining and when rory notices hes bored he immediately notices shes hurt so he tries to explain and look for a compromise thatll make them both happy (plus in the same scene rory is also uninterested in deans interests/hobbies so its like. both of them) → "dean is so self absorbed..."

jess not stopping after rory said "wait" like 5 times while theyre about to have sex until rory literally has to push him off and about to cry and jess' only reaction is to blame rory for coming up in the first place, still not explaining why is hes acting the way he does out of his own pride and then making a rude jealous comment because dean notices her being upset → "jess had a bad day :/"

also ppl saying dean's mean for often saying no or showing restraint when rory asks him to rich people events where he knows he wont fit in (even though he says yes like 1 puppy look and 1 "please" from rory later and also lets richard walk all over him for being not rich and smart enough for rory, doesnt defend himself but defends his relationship and rory) but people dont care when jess rejects her ideas completely or that if he says yes, hes rude through the entire event in question (carnival, dinner, lanes gig) because jess got a bad past and had a bad day so its understandable

jess is peoples favorite rory boyfriend not because he was the best boyfriend (he wasnt) but because he actually got his own plotlines and character arcs outside of being rorys boyfriend which made people grow attached to him as a person. so when people say theyre team jess its because they like him as an individual character and ignore the fact that he fucking sucked as a boyfriend. which is why i understand why people hate dean. he only gets screentime in a rory context which makes his mistakes also stand out more because people cant put them in context or connect them to a backstory, which could explain why he does what he does or why he feels the way that he does, like with jess. but at the end of the day i just really like imagining dean getting railed by at least 3 guys at the same time way more than i do with jess, which is the reason why im steadfast in dean > jess

#gilmore girls #dean forester

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ryuuseini · 2 years ago

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I really need to get this off my chest I'm just... I keep being told "learn to love yourself!! You cant expect people to love you if you dont love yourself first!" And "what do you mean everyone leaves you like youre purposely ignoring all the stable relationships you've had just to play the victim" by my family and im fucking sick of it.

To the first point - there are times where people are so deep in their self loathing and hatred, been told again and again they are unworthy of love, that they need someone to lend a hand in teaching how to self love. Because not everyone can do so when the world around them is constantly saying otherwise.

And to their second point - fuck off. Yeah, maybe its not good that I'm grouping people who do care in the same category as the people who don't... but have you considered that like, shit like this is triggering? Having a friend who promised to be there for you legitimately ruining your life; having a friend who said she was your friend and wanted to hang out with you, but each time you made plans she canceled last minute because it was her sister's birthday that day or some shit (only to see she hangs out with everyone else just fine); a person who said that they'll be friends with you and when you're floored by the fact that they waited for you instead of heading straight to class after gym, said "of course, I said I was your friend and I meant it," only for them to randomly ghost you like barely a month after this interaction and just decide to act like you exist simply when they want to, which is never, and you're just wondering what the hell you did to cause that; to the nicest girl in your class telling you, straight up, "of course you don't deserve friends! You just transferred here senior year, we already have cliques and friends we trust, how do you expect to break that?"; to the person who told you that he'll show you you're worthy of being loved, only to proceed to blame you for all of his unexplainable anger; to the friends who you thought had your best interest but talked about you behind your back about how much they hated you, to the point they willingly harassed you because you decided to leave; to the friends that said they'll try to be your friend but got mad when you pointed out that they rejected every single attempt for you to get closer but kept saying "you can join this one server we have" despite me explicitly stating that I Did Not Feel Safe There because someone who had harassed and stalked me was still in that server and there were zero protections offered for me to even feel safe in such an environment, only for them to decide a person who was suffering from such pain deserved no friends and got all of our shared friends to leave me, despite this being a private personal issue between me and them that I handled privately; to being blamed for a grown man's potential heart attack and that being JUSTIFIED by others while you're still a minor; to just... so many other bullshits I genuinely cannot describe, each happening within the relatively short time span of 5 years. Don't you think??? Don't you just think for a second??? That my brain is conditioned to think this way??? And being told "stop trying to play the fucking victim and realize the friends you DO have" is just ignoring the fact that I literally cannot because the pain is far stronger in my mind than the opposite? But you do nothing but help, so whatever.

And then I remember my first high-school. How I was gaslit, not only by my bully... But by the adults who were supposed to help me as well. I didn't feel safe attending any clubs, and the one club I did attend because he wasn't there... most of the people made fun of me anyway, there was no point. He was in every club with me, and instead of working out a thing so I - the kid who frequently felt isolated - could have a chance to socialize, I simply was expected to just not participate. I was suicide baited the day before a huge school trip by a friend of my bully under my bully's name, and when I went to tell the teacher hey, this happened, can you make sure I'm not paired up with this student who was also going to the trip, my bully stuck around to hear that, only to corner me at my locker to lie to me that he did care I got suicide baited (despite the fact I had texts stating that he only cared if the girl who had sent the texts under his name was going to get in trouble, and not the fact that I had been told my life was essentially meaningless) and had a girl who wasn't involved in the situation, who I thought was my friend, back him up and agree with all his points until I cried that I wanted to die and he should just kill me. The trip got canceled for me, but he was still allowed to go on it. We shared classes together and they were working to take me out of my classes to make my health better. One of these classes was my favorite class - the class where the teacher treated me like an actual fucking human being, the class I felt the safest in, the class I would hide in even when the teacher was teaching a different class because I felt fucking safe, the class that I wasn't put in initially for some reason but fought to be in - and they simply chose to take me out of the class instead of punishing him. How the head guidance counselor, to my face, told me "how can you say your bully isn't a friend of yours? He took the time to skip a class because he was concerned about you, how is that NOT something a friend would do?" And how, when I simply couldn't take the abuse anymore, they kicked me out of the school, forcing me to go elsewhere, where I did. And I didn't make any lasting friends and people ignored me 90% of the time, and at that 10% they cared I felt like... I had to pretend that they didn't fucking ghost me 9/10 times... Only for that school to fucking shut down at the end of my junior year, forcing me to go to another high-school my senior year, where I really had no one... Because that girl was right. Everyone already had their friend groups... I couldn't be expected to break that.

I'm just... I'm just not okay.

#vent #suicide mention #im sorry for this post i might delete it later...#im just... not really in the best of places rn #and i cant tell my family about this because haha #i get blamed for the fact this happened because i was *check notes*#paranoid that if i let them handle my bully situation it would get physical and i would actually be killed #so thats a fun thing to note

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hermholland · 2 years ago

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This is going to be a little bit of a mish-mash of things but there is a point to it…

Lately I've been realising that I need additional help and support with my Depression than I'm currently getting. Despite the fact that since October I've had decent reasons to be upset or sad, I've recently acknowledged that I've not actually come back out of my misery for months, I've just found new reasons to explain it. It's clear that Things Are Getting Bad Again.

I've explained before, I think, about my abandonment issues, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and paranoia, and it's been especially bad the last few months: I've struggled to communicate with others, I've questioned whether people I consider my friends would prefer if I wasn't around, I've wondered if they'd notice if I dropped off the face of the Earth, I've been anxious about reconnecting with people, I've been scared to make plans, I've had panic attacks at the prospect of seeing people I've not had any contact with in a long time… The list goes on.

My most recent struggle is that one of my closest friends seemingly not wanting to spend time with me or even really communicate with me if it's remotely out of his convenience. It's felt like if I try to make plans with him to do something other than go to one pub we always go to he either doesn't want to or he'll agree & then cancel last minute ghost me for a day or more. Not all of this is imagined, but it's far more down to his own personal issues than with some resentment towards me. But it's been hard enough reaching out and being rejected or ignored that I've had to decide to just stop reaching out for the time being as a form of self-preservation. The voice that tells me everyone hates me and that they're right to is always much louder and more convincing than reality or truth, and for a while now I've been questioning a lot about my relationships with the people I care about. This has been extremely painful, and I've been getting progressively more closed off and isolated as I've tried to deal with it.

That, and other things, and general demon voices telling me I'm an awful person, have me feeling unwanted, unlikable, and isolated. It's been really horrific.

The thing is, though, and essentially what's become the reason I've actually shared this, is that while all this has been happening, in the last week (and more specifically on Sunday) I've had a few different and entirely unconnected things happen which have done a lot to counter these feelings. Some of these things will seem entirely inconsequential, but in the context of what I've just explained they've all meant the absolute world to me.

A friend of mine couldn't make it to my pirate outing on the 10th of February because he'd broken his clavicle and thus was entirely bedbound. He lives on his own and has not been able to even sit up without great pain and difficulty for several weeks now. I've tried to keep in touch with him, even about mundane things like what I'm looking forward to eating that day, so that he doesn't feel alone and like everyone has forgotten him (I know that feeling and wouldn't wish it on anyone). This is the man that I made my little BlueJay toy for, so that he could come out with us to the pirate event that he'd been looking forward to before the accident. The day after the pirate outing I sent him loads of pictures of everyone who was out posing with the toy of him. He was incredibly grateful, and told me how much the gesture meant to him and that he believed that even thinking of making a stand-in for him so that he could join us was "a sign of true friendship". I was really pleased with this response and it made me feel really good about doing something that didn't feel like much of a big deal to me while I did it.

Fast forward to last Sunday.

As I was getting some stuff sorted on my PC, out of nowhere, I got a message from my friend that I'd had to stop reaching out to, simply talking about how he didn't like his new phone. It was nothing special or important, and was really only a grumble about something inconsequential. I'd been feeling unwanted and like my badgering was the only reason our friendship had persisted, and hearing from him about something so unimportant and conversational was, maybe quite oddly, an extremely affirming gesture about the status of our friendship. If he'd gotten in touch about something that mattered then it'd have been worse, because this was just talking for the sake of talking because we're friends. A tiny thing, but it meant the world to me.

Maybe an hour later I got a message from a friend of mine who I only ever see maybe once or twice a year because he lives far away, but always gives me a shout when he's in the area to hang out. I wasn't able to join him, but it was really nice to get the invitation, especially as he doesn't know any of my other friends, so it was entirely unrelated. Another simple thing but it made me feel wanted, which was wonderful.

Again a little while later I was chatting with another friend of mine who I always chat with on a Sunday, and everything about feeling unwanted and so on had made me worry that I was neglecting this friendship, and I said as much to him. He reassured me that this was not the case at all, and something about that and the way he did it was really comforting.

A little while after that I got a gift from a friend out of nowhere, which was far more meaningful than I think he remotely understood at the time, or even after when I reiterated my gratitude to him for it. He explained his reasoning behind giving me the gift as being quite simple and matter-of-fact, but even that kind of meant more because it wasn't some grand gesture designed to make him look like a saint… it was just "You wanted this, and I wanted to make sure you got it at the right time". I was incredibly flustered to receive the gift at the time (I'm shite at surprises, especially gifting surprises!) and later on when I was by myself I got really quite emotional about it.

All of these separate things happened from unconnected people for entirely different reasons and at similar but obviously not-choreographed times. Even though my Depression voices are extremely convincing and very loud, they can't block out the fact that all of those things happening so close together affirm the collective strength of my friendships with people. It's hard to believe that nobody likes me when all of these people have made gestures proving otherwise.

I'm having a hard time, and that's not changed. I'm not feeling better, as such, but the smallest of gestures from people (as simple as just messaging me out of the blue to say their new phone is annoying them, which just shows they want to share something in their life with me) have been so reassuring and affirming that things don't feel so heck right now. I'm still miserable, but that's helped shut up one of the worst voices telling me I'm awful.

You'll never know how meaningful just saying hi to someone without any purpose or agenda (except just that they're your friend) can be.

#personal #mental health #mental illness #depression #anxiety #me #rejection #rejection sensitive dysphoria #abandonment issues #loneliness #relationships #friendship #isolation #paranoia #reassurance

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starisenby · 2 years ago

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VENT BELOW THE CUT

So uh yeah it really started around 5 I'd say but I doubt he actually was intentionally being bad but he'd actively wake me and my sister up at like 3 maybe 4 am and I was in kindergarten at the time and my sister is a year and a half older then me so she was in 1st or 2nd grade, now it was bad and he genuinely was trying to be nice but it took a turn for the worst when I was around I'd say 9 when this motherfucker CHEATED ON MY MOM WHO ONLY EVER DID HER BEST AND HAS BEEN THE BEST MOM I COULD ASK FOR WITH A COWORKER OF HIS, and she (my mom) found out about this and they argued and got divorced with split custody which fine but the worst part is that they'd argue at 2, 3 maybe 4 am. And so a little while afterwards he got a new girlfriend guess who it fucking was....

THE GIRL HE CHEATED ON MY MOM WITH. Now she's genuinely a great step-mom but still dude... things only got worse from there the thing is part of the split custody is that every day of every other week is me and my sister would go to his house from 3:30 - 6:30 and he'd just let me and my sister starve there I guess, he'd not tell us where food was or what food was there but just let us "figure it out™" and we didn't eat real dinner if your curious we ate snack food.

Now this next end has to get some context my step-mom had kids young her kids then had kids young leaving me and my sister as "aunts"(yuck) as kids....

So the oldest of my step-moms kids is my kinda step-sister more like aunt and she has five kids the oldest of them is about my age, yeah awkward.... he's very clearly favored by my dad I mean I'm not surprised my sister was his favorite beforehand she had the same interest in hockey after all, now adding on to this is that he'll let my step-nephew more like step-brother get a pass on stuff but as soon as I do it, I must be burned alive.... so yeah November 28th 2021 we had a HUGE argument that still sticks to me, wanna know what started it I had a stomachache. Yeah fucking seriously. Also something I forgot to mention is that every other weekend me and my sister would stay at my dad's. And the argument blew up and had my dad pretty much said "Just go to your mom's" now the thing is I wanted to make sure if he was for real and yes he was and then I texted my mom.... so when she got there I was in the garage ready to leave and so he said and I quote "what if I die tomorrow?" Yeah that stuck with me for a while, now you'd expect him to apologize within the next week nope. December 20th is when he "apologized" and said "can you start going over here again"...

Now next takes place in August 2021 I originally planned to go to a concert with my dad and sister but then got anxious and paranoid causing me to cancel and he basically said "your anxiety is fake shut up" because yes I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and OCD so like bro....

And then because this guy is just a genuine asshole, remember that bit about favoritism yeah guess who feels like they'll never be good enough and that if I was born a boy he'd like me even a little more and that if i was to kill myself he'd never even care, which then led me to want to self-harm that's right me... also the guy just constantly gaslights me so that's always fun, also I have those run-of-the-mill intrusive thoughts to just jump out windows or of roofs so yay...

Oh and i absolutely hate my body because I was AFAB and born with boobs that'd end up being rather round so as an enby it's great tbh

And let's not forget that he also called a video game character in his hockey game the f slur cause he lost..

Oh and the first end I'm pretty sure is what led to my god awful sleeping schedule that is borderline sleep deprivation

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hopeluna-archived · 2 years ago

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We lose brain cells when we are together....

Being best friends with Shinso Hitoshi

Characters: Shinso Hitoshi x reader (platonic)

Content: fluff, crack kinda?, little bit of Izuku Midoriya x reader, reader is a crackhead 'cause why not, also a kinda dark joke that my mom wouldn't appreciate, this is long and I have no regrets, this is so self indulgent💀

M.list

Alright lets be honest here first. When you two first met, Hitoshi made some small talk but other than that didn't really wanna converse with you. The crack energy was too much for him. He kept his distance with you but no matter where he went, it was like the universe decided to torment him 'cause he always seemed to bump into you.

Time skip to a more run ins and you talking his ear off, there you were, two best friends. The dynamic between you is basically, You: Crackhead, Hitoshi: tired of the crackhead.

He'll act all grumpy when you drag him somewhere to hang out but don't mind him, he loves hanging out with you. Hitoshi also loves the fact that you don't see his quirk as "evil" as many people do.

If you are a cat person, he is in heaven. It will be a sacred ritual to go to a cat cafe once a week. If you cancel on the plans, well get ready to receive the silent treatment.

The sassiness between you two is high on this one. Its like you'll be minding your own buisness and he'll just randomly go "can you not? Your existence is giving me a headache". Of course he doesn't mean it <3

You two are attached at the hip a lot of the times. And with that comes speculations from people if you two might be a couple. When someone actually asks if you two are dating, Hitoshi would be like "pfft why would I date this ?" and you're there just like "bitch🤚 no cat cafe meetings for a month" and he'll crumble like "NOOOO" .

You are the only being in existence who is allowed to touch his hair. If you ever want to style it, he'll make a offended face but nevertheless let you do it and he'll keep it if you say and glare at anyone who makes a joke of it.

You constanly scolding him about his sleep schedule like yours isn't fucked up as well. Hitoshi will call you randomly at like 3 am to tell you a cat fact. Most of the times, his training with Aizawa stresses him out so you drag him to have a self care routine. God forbid you sneak a picture of him with a face mask and cucumbers on, he will bury you alive.

He acts like he hates it and will groan everytime you tell him stupid ass jokes. Though sometimes he laughs like that one time you went " 'Toshi, 'Toshi" "what?" "Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?" ".....what?" "......you can unscrew a lightbulb" and cue Hitoshi trying not to burst out cackling.

Friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. This is a motto that you two go by. Ya'll be in a cafe or a park or just walking and you two would just judge other people together and roast them to hell. And Hitoshi acts all nonchalant but he is definitely interested when you come around and gossip about shit that just happened with other people.

The UA people didn't even know you existed until one day you decided to randomly pop up to embarrass Hitoshi. Its not that he avoided talking about you, its just that they never asked and he is a private person by nature so they just never knew about you.

Denki audibly, and dramatically, gasped when the usual stoic Shinso Hitoshi cracked a small smile on seeing you running at him full speed. The others were kinda surprised too when they saw how easily he conversed with you.

After that, your presence became more and more frequent around the group. One time Mineta tried to flirt with you disgustingly and after you quickly ignored him, Hitoshi dragged Mineta....somewhere. Nobody knew where Mineta was for two whole days, all while Hitoshi had a small smile on his face.

Hitoshi pretended to gag in disgust when one day you came to him rambling on about how lovely and adorable Midoriya is. He will however push you to talk to Izuku when the group is together 'cause he can see how much you like him.

So basically, being best friends with Shinso Hitoshi is definetely a whirlwind. He'll act all cool and stoic but with you its like his brain cells just die and you both radiate crackhead energy. And he'll always be there, supporting you, motivating you and being a shoulder to cry on.

And he will rarely say it but he is glad and feels lucky to have you as his friend.

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Comments and reblogs are appreciated!! Do not repost or claim as yours though, its not cool.

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alloftheimaginesblog · 2 years ago

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Dating Derek Shepherd headcanons...

He is your biggest supporter. Derek is your absolute number one fan in a way you've never had before. You've never had someone be so wholly and completely on your side, supporting you and encouraging you all the way.

You'd need to be in a similar career as him. I really think you'd need to be a Doctor/Surgeon/Nurse/someone in the hospital to date him. It just doesn't work if you don't know how hard and time consuming the job is.

It's hard. It can be really hard when your schedules don't match and you find that plans you both have are being cancelled for emergency surgeries but you and Derek try so hard to keep communication lines open. It also gives you both the opportunity to really appreciate the moments you get to spend together.

He'll try and grab lunch at the same time as you so the two of you can spend a little free time together.

If your plans get cancelled due to work, he'll prepare a picnic that the two of you can have in the on-call room or he'll get you a bunch of flowers as a sorry. He always does something to let you know that he's sorry and to let you know that he's thinking of you.

He is like something out of a romance movie with the compliments he gives you and with how highly he speaks of you.

"You surprise me every day. Every single day, your beauty, your kindness, your intelligence... you always surprise me with how perfect you are."

He's soft with you. He's so gentle and delicate and you can tell through the way he brushes your hair from your face or the way his thumb sweeps over your knuckles that he just absolutely adores you.

He doesn't care who sees how much he loves you. He's not ashamed or afraid of showing his softer, more loving side if people are watching.

Mark rolls his eyes and teases him because whenever Derek sees you from afar, he gets this lovestruck look on his face and can't stop smiling.

The sex.

Holy mother of God, the sex is the best you've ever had. You knew he was skilled with his hands but holy shit. He's also pretty skilled with his tongue...

He's that perfect mixture of slow and passionate but when you've had a stressful day and you need a little bit harder, a little rougher he will provide.

The way he kisses you makes your heart race. He holds your face in his hands and you honestly feel like you and him are the only things that matter in the world.

He loves to cuddle, loves the feeling of wrapping you in his arms and keeping you safe as you sleep. He'll always be touching you in some way during the night whether it be an arm draped over you or hands intertwined or legs entangled.

If you snore... he'll get over it.

He makes you dinner whenever he can, a proper home cooked meal that you can take the leftovers for lunch the following day.

He leaves post-it notes all around the house for you. You find them everywhere. In your bag atop your lunch bag. In your favourite coffee mug before you pour yourself coffee. Stuck onto the mirror in the bathroom. He loves those little details. Loves to write you silly little notes because he knows how much you love them.

Forehead kisses. Temple kisses. Shoulder kisses.

If you're washing the dishes, he sneaks up from behind and wraps his arms around your waist kissing your neck softly.

Derek's list of exes is pretty impressive, they're all gorgeous and most of them you'll bump into at some point or another. It can be hard to not see them and get a little self-conscious but Derek tells you, over and over again, that you are the one he loves. You are beautiful to him, he doesn't really notice anyone besides you anymore. You are the one for him. He's very good at making you feel loved and appreciated.

If you've had a fight, he's very good at the silent treatment.

His sisters all love you, they think you balance him out really well and they just adore you.

He can turn you on so easily, one look and you know to head into a spare on-call room.

#headcanons #headcanon #prompt #headcanon prompt #derek shepherd #derek shepherd x reader #derek shepherd imagine #imagine #grey's anatomy imagine #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #ga #ga imagine

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bangchanswolfpelt · 3 years ago

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My Favorite Yanderes Pt. 2

for the lil baby man itself, @beefis

cw: manipulation; jealousy; controlling behavior; stalking; flippant references to blood, violence, murder

[Hyunjin, Jeongin, Hongjoong, Jackson, Yugyeom, and Minhyuk under the cut

Part 1: Seungcheol, Joshua, Jungkook, Solar, Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun]

Changbin

Changbin's probably in a similar category as Scoops—just a toxically sweet, overeager puppy who wants all your love and has zero concept of boundaries

goes everywhere with you, and drags you everywhere he can—your friends joke that you should have him on a leash and he's ordering one on amazon that night

every post on his social media that isn't a picture of/with you still finds a way to mention you somehow

whines if you go for more than a week without posting about him—weekend selfie spams to make up for it are a regular activity

doesn't see any problem with just casually going through your phone—he doesn't care if you go through his—but gets jealous every time

there's a whole song-and-dance you do—Changbin kicks up a fuss about how one of your friends was definitely flirting with you, and you're just too sweet to notice; you insist that's not what was happening; eventually turns into you declaring that it doesn't matter what anyone else is trying to do, you only have eyes for him—cancel any plans you had for the rest of the day, because you're about to be smothered by a 167 cm tank made of giggles and muscle

if you ever turn it around on him and decide to play the jealous partner, it'll be like you've made Christmas come early for him—he'll eat up your possessiveness like takoyaki, eager to demonstrate that he's all yours—mark him up, tell him he's yours, and he's in heaven

it's all very routinely dysfunctional, all very comfortably unstable

not usually aggressive when he gets jealous; if he thinks someone is taking up too much of your attention, just shows off or acts bratty until he has your attention back

if he thinks someone is flirting with you, will not hesitate to simply walk over and pick you up and carry you away

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 7/10

i know i said y'all were comfortably dysfunctional, and maybe that sounded like it was implying a much healthier lack of crime than most yandere relationships run on

it does not

surprisingly, it's not a crime of passion

it takes a lot to get him there, but if Changbin decides someone is getting between the two of you and his usual tactics aren't cutting it, then other plans just have to be made

surprisingly efficient when it comes down it—calm, cool, methodical

it won't be clean enough to be written off as accidental, but you'll probably never even know he had anything to do with it!

Hyunjin

fell for you because you looked at him and said exactly one(1) insightful thing about him

Hyunjin wants desperately to be seen for who he is, and fixates specifically on your ability to do that, but also knows he can use his looks to fool and manipulate you

it's very bittersweet for him, he is (to a certain degree) a painfully self aware yandere

plays hot-and-cold with you, at times deliberately drawing you in, other times, then acting aloof at others

wants you to need him as badly as he needs you

his desire for you to understand him is impossible for him to resist, though, which leads to strange little moments of liminal intimacy

you'll find yourself alone with him, sitting on the back porch at a house party or walking home together from a night of bar-hopping with your friends, as he asks you about problems at work or tells you about how he listened to this album he thinks you'd really like

you don't talk much, so you're startled when he remembers things you'd mentioned in passing ages ago, things like how the spot your desk is in is never warm enough or that song you'd been listening to on repeat last month

there's something uncomfortably flattering about it, something that makes you feel like a deer in the headlights, but also makes you want to linger in the attention, to luxuriate in his intense focus

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 8/10

you're simply too important to him to allow anyone to get between the two of you

absolutely a calculated move on his part

he plans things out pretty well in advance, but probably gets a little sloppy in the middle of the act

what started out as the clean-cut algebra of not being able to lose you turns into a passionate, desperate rage

would decide not to tell you, because he knows that preserving an image that you can love is necessary to keeping you

but having you know and accept every part of him is such an intoxicating fantasy for him, he can't help but confess what he's done to you eventually

Jeongin

another one who's been watching from the sidelines for a while and has something to prove

unlike Jungkook, though, Jeongin is not content to wait around for you to notice that he's grown up

once he figures out what he wants from you, he doesn't hesitate to start staking out his territory

he'll insist on paying for your share of the bill after dinner, walking you home, tossing his jacket over your shoulders when you shiver—but tries do it all with an attitude of careless pragmatism to cover how fiercely possessive he feels

does it work? probably not—everyone knows Jeongin has favorites

tries very hard to be cool and witty and practical around you

but he can't help but melt a little if you insist on babying him

pragmatic, controlling, maybe a bit of a bully sometimes!

convinced that he knows what's best for you

doesn't have a lot of sweet words for you, but shows how much you mean to him through little things—picking up your favorite drink even when he forgets the exact thing Changbin sent him to the convenience store for, making sure he always has your favorite hoodie on hand to wrap you up in, snapping the wrist of that creep at the bar who was getting a little too handsy

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 9/10

listen. i hate to break it to you, but.

he definitely already has

once Jeongin decided you were his, no one who might come between you had a chance

it's a little sloppy—he did his best to research, but there's no amount of research that prepares you for the struggle and the mess, for the first hot spill of blood

recovers admirably though, does a competent enough job at clean-up

Hongjoong

it wasn't love at first sight for Hongjoong, but it was a sudden spark, an arrow that hit him out of nowhere and pinned him down like a butterfly

it could be anything really—a unique little turn of phrase that sticks in his mind or an offhand complaint about a book you didn't finish, a surprisingly insightful observation about one of his favorite songs or a teasing comment about his outfit

whatever it is, though, he can't get it out of his head—it sends his curiosity flaring, makes him circle back around to you over and over again until his fingers itch, until he feels like he's going insane

he wants to peel all your layers away, he wants to know you down to your bones

he's careful in this courtship, though, prying information from you bit by bit, dropping crumbs of himself like a trail and waiting eagerly to see if you'll follow

doesn't actually get too jealous of other people flirting with you—it can't be helped, of course people are attracted you—you're like a flame, burning bright in this dim, dull world, and the moths can't help it if they're drawn in

he's not actually worried about anyone coming between you—who could?

you are his soulmate, you are his muse, no one will understand you like he does

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 10/10

he doesn't have to, he's quite good at using manipulation to solve any problems that come up

but sometimes, your Joongie simply won't be satisfied with anything short of blood

it's probably not anyone who he perceives as a threat to your relationship that gets the bloodlust thrumming through him, but anyone he perceives as a threat to you

anyone who puts their hands on you, who makes you uncomfortable, anyone who looks at you like an object

Jackson

clingy and possessive

this boy wants to be in constant contact, wants to know where you are and what you're doing always

you know how Jackson once showed up to a fan meeting because Namjoon wasn't answering his texts?

yeah, expect him knocking on your door because you took an accidental nap mid-conversation or showing up at your dinner with friends because you were too carried away with the actual conversation to complete your last ten-minute-check-in

don't worry, though, he's charming enough not to embarrass you (too much) in front of your friends

loves to show you off—buys you ridiculous designer clothing, takes you to the most absurd events, and then takes half a million selfies with you to prove it

buys you Louboutins and puts a tracking chip in them

hates all your friends, but is really good at playing the game of winning them over

talks shit about them to you once you're home, though—tries to keep it casual, just a comment here or there, but he's not that subtle

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 6/10

this isn't a boy who wants to get his hands dirty

it's not about right or wrong, it's about ~ruining the fantasy~

not above hitting someone with his car in a fit of jealous anger, though

more likely to arrange for someone to be caught in a scandal, though, caught with drugs planted on them or in a 'compromising position'

Yugyeom

i'm very tempted to tell you to just sit down and listen to Point of View: U

obsessive and incapable of hiding it—stalking your social media and asking mutual friends about you turns into Yugyeom just happening to end up in all your usual spots, bringing you odd little gifts and offering to walk you home

he's not subtle, and your friends definitely notice

if he actually manages to wrangle you into a relationship—how? are you actively into crazy??? (it's fine, i understand, i am here with you 😌)

possessive, needy, but also pathetic in a way

every disagreement you have with him either starts or ends with him crying (and let's be honest, it's probably both)

upside! he's willing to subsume his entire identity into you and your interests and desires (as long as those desires don't involve leaving him), so disagreements only happen when he's jealous or anxious about you leaving him

downside! Yugyeom's anxious about losing you 24/7

suspicious of everyone in your life—cannot fathom a worldview that doesn't involve everyone who so much as breathes near you having the intention of stealing you away from him

if you think there's any scenario where this ends up with you not locked up in his basement, i am very sorry

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 12/10

it's not a matter of if, but when

the degree to which he feels threatened by the people in your life means him snapping it inevitable

and there's nothing Yugyeom won't do to keep you

Minhyuk - King of Yanderes

not a planner, but surprisingly crafty

Minhyuk uses his charisma like a blunt weapon, he's flirting wildly once he realizes he wants you, and he probably wants you the moment he sets eyes on you—buckle the fuck up

stalks your social media with zero shame or subtlety

sends you so many thirst trappy selfies. so. many.

texts you constantly—doesn't get needy for responses the way yanderes like Scoops or Jackson do, but also definitely not afraid to double text you

dream trophy boyfriend, just wants to hang off you and look hot and be shown off to your friends like a designer bag or an extremely fluffy dog

you don't even really realize how yandere he is unless/until you break things off with him

what was an endearing clinginess turns into an obsessive fixation when you break things off

he keeps up with what's going on with you in every way he can, checking your social media regularly and interrogating your shared friends about how you're doing, what's happening in your life, who you're seeing

works on making himself irresistible to you while you're gone—he's in the gym 24/7 (and posting the thirst traps to prove it); if you're dating guys with long hair, starts growing his out; if you're seeing blondes, he'll bleach it

slides back into your life as soon as he sees the chanceto do so

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 3/10

he's a lover, not a fighter

would simply make you forget the rest of the world exists by smothering you with his affection, rather than bathe it in blood for you

don't underestimate him, though!

under the right circumstances, will absolutely get his hands dirty for you

if murder's the only way to get rid of an obstacle to your relationship—consider Minhyuk a criminal for love<3

#yandere stray kids #yandere ateez #yandere got7 #yandere btob #👾 anon #skz🔪#atz🏴‍☠️#got7🦚#btob🎶#cw yandere

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rightsforbrunomadrigalonly · 3 years ago

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Head canons of Bruno with a S/O who suffers from chronic illness.

{A/N: ✨⌛️Here I am, suffering at work yet again dreaming about Bruno being here at my side once more. I adore this man so much and I think about the non stop comfort and compassion he’d show his significant other. Of course I’m self projecting my misery into my work again, but what else is new here el oh el ✨⌛️}

{Word count: unknown I never keep track on head canons lol}

{Warnings 🚨: talk of chronic illness}

I want to start this off by saying, he knows his sister cannot fix chronic problems like the ones you suffer from, and he feels incredibly guilty about it.

It’s not like it’s something he can control, just like your sickness isn’t something you can control, but the idea of living with a healer who can’t help eats away at him.

He’d still ask Julieta to cook you something to alleviate your symptoms and pains. While her food can’t permanently rid your body of it’s suffering, her meals are like a little bandaid for the problem.

He’d be patient and tender towards your emotions when you feel so uncomfortable and irritable. Anything you need he’s so attentive and eager to help with.

Every time you’d whimper and groan, complaining reflexively, he’d just push your hair back from your face and kiss your forehead.

Bruno: “I know mi vida, I know. Try and get some rest, okay? We don’t have to leave the bed today if you’re feeling so miserable, we can just lay here all day. Oh! I could put on a performance for the latest chapter of Todos Mis Hijos Rata! It’ll be great, just what you need to feel better! See Erika just found out that her prima Vanessa has been sleeping with the father of her children, Juanito! Just stay right there get comfy, I’ll go get the rats!”

Every little bit of effort the man goes through to make you feel better, sends your heart flying. Plus his telenovelas are a great way to distract your brain from the pain.

I cannot stress this enough, but he is SO good at validating your feelings and pain. Even if it’s not something physical he can see, he always makes sure it’s clear that he knows you’re suffering.

You don’t have to overthink things around him. If you say that you feel sick, he’ll accept that answer and immediately work towards aiding your discomfort. He never once questions how you feel. It’s a relief not to have to over explain that you feel sick because you have a silent illness that doesn’t show.

On your bad days where you suffer from intense flair ups, he doesn’t leave your side. He’d do anything and everything humanly possible to make you feel better. He makes sure you stay hydrated and brings you food from Julieta every few hours. Even if you feel like you can’t eat he makes sure your body is holding the nutrients it needs.

Bruno: “here mi vida, Julieta made this for you. Try a bite, it may make you feel better….I know you feel sick to your stomach but hey, a little food may make you feel better. It’s just a bland arepa no queso. The dough should uh um…should absorb some of the extra acid in your stomach and uh make you feel a little better…that’s what my sister said at least, and I-I trust her. Eat up my vida.”

You can’t help the way your lips fight their way into a smile. While you most likely won’t eat a thing, you appreciate the efforts. For his sake you’d at least nibble the arepa throughout the day.

If you're suffering through a flair up and you've got important plans you cant cancel, he'll make sure to stay close in case you need him.

He's constantly covering for you to help ease any embarrassment you may feel about disappearing for long periods of time to alleviate yourself.

If somebody notices your gone, without hesitation he’d come up with an excuse, even if he is a terrible liar.

Antonio: “where’s Tia? We were just gonna start playing fetch with Pearce.”

Bruno: “O-oh, Tia had to u-uh take care of something really quick. How about I step in for a bit until she comes back? Sound good, kiddo?”

You feel so safe venting and sharing your problems with the man. He’s an amazing listener. He never interrupts and will let you ramble on for as long as you need.

He always says the sappiest cutest things at the end. Guaranteed to make you smile like an idiot.

Y/N *tearing up a bit*: “I feel bad whenever I have to bail out on your family, mi amor. What if they hate me for it? I just- I feel guilty. I wish I didn’t have to disappear all the time and I wish I could be there more. God it’s so embarrassing when I just have to get up and leave in the middle of a conversation because I’m in agony.”

Bruno: “Don’t feel guilty mi vida. I know you can’t control these things, it’s okay. Nobody’s perfect ya know? A-And at least you only disappear for like 10 minutes tops, I disappeared for 10 years and they still welcomed me back like nothing ever happened aha….I’m just saying mi vida, my familia is pretty understanding and if they aren’t? Well, I’ve learned that getting my family’s approval is something I can live without. If they don’t like you for something you can’t control, forget them. I-I don’t care what they have to say about you, and neither should you Y/N. Illness or not I think you’re perfect.”

Why is he just the perfect man!!

You could literally climb into his lap and cover his face FULL of kisses.

You do. Without hesitation. Flustering the man silly.

You’re absolutely blessed to have a partner so understanding and loving.

#bruno madrigal #bruno madrigal x oc #bruno madrigal x reader #encanto bruno #bruno encanto #bruno #encanto #bruno x reader #encanto bruno madrigal #bruno madrigal headcanons #bruno madrigal encanto

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jac & Savannah

Jac: Cannot stop thinking about that one dress in that last boutique we checked out though... Jac: so lowkey mad at Isabelle for having to go home to walk her dog 🙄😩 Savannah: UGH I know! Don't get me started yet again on how her mum is literally never there to do anything for it & they don't even have a garden Savannah: I'll go back & get it for you, she can't stop me Savannah: I have less than zero reasons to hurry home Jac: Lowkey like, who do I call again? 😬 Jac: the poor thing, as if breathing wasn't issue enough without having to contend with getting overweight and her mum's vape habit Jac: You're so pure 🥺🥺 Jac: and I'm personally not over seeing you in that one shade of pink like ??? Jac: 👼🏾 walking Savannah: ^^^ the levels of cruelty make my heart hurt, honestly 😢 but I won't get to Heaven until I convince them to see the error of their ways & that is a battle I simply do not have the energy for today Savannah: you could literally wear that AWFUL dress that Isabelle was considering- thank god we talked her out of that much! 🙌🏾- & still look like an actual goddess Jac: Seriously, I don't know how they can live with themselves Jac: that would be their business, because I'm not as caring as you, or even close, but the fact it hurts you means it's mine too 😤 Jac: actually though, would have had to pretend to not know her, oh my God Jac: not to mention how short it was, as well as just hideous...like this is a SCHOOL event, girl, I... 🤦 Jac: it does mean we're scheduled to help her keep looking though Jac: which is becoming a trial, like I'm so sorry to say but wow Savannah: I likewise don't have the necessary reserves to try and teach her the difference between positive & negative attention Savannah: Can Amelia not help her look? I highly doubt her wardrobe is fully stocked with suitable school event dresses so surely she still needs to keep looking too? Jac: That's a whole conversation her mother should be having with her but also needs Jac: sad, really Jac: Poor, poor Is Jac: Meels is a committed outfit repeater, no matter the occasion Savannah: She can't wear jeans to this though Jac: 🙄 I've also tried on that subject Jac: it'll just become a whole THING Jac: us trying to sort both of them out and getting nowhere with our own looks Savannah: 😔 I'm exhausted by their indecision, it's taking the excitement out of it Savannah: I understand that they can't and don't feel themselves in just anything, but it's getting ridiculous Jac: ^^ Totally agree Jac: although us being on the same page is not anything like a surprise these days Jac: it's so unfair, really Jac: they're not even THAT bothered about the whole thing Jac: we've put effort in before this whole step even Savannah: I knew you'd understand, despite feeling like I'm the one who is being totally unfair by saying anything, the rational part of my mind which isn't on the verge of tears as a result of Is' complaints or Amelia's apathy is like no, Savannah, you're not wrong Savannah: it does matter to us & it's allowed to be viewed as important Savannah: not to mention enjoyable, god forbid Jac: You NEVER need to doubt yourself Jac: you're a complete empath, honestly, to your own detriment Jac: but that isn't your fault and people should try to give even a fraction of what you give them back Jac: so, for your wellbeing, I'm calling a time-out on this and them Jac: you've got to focus on you for once ❤ Savannah: I can't tell you how wholeheartedly I wish I was the person you think I am, Ty & I had a HUGE fight earlier & I've been plagued by self doubt ever since Jac: Oh no, okay, what was said? Savannah: He seemed to think that we had plans today, which is not a conversation I remember us having, so of course I wasn't going to cancel on you all Savannah: & that makes me the most thoughtless girlfriend he's ever had Savannah: I'm so sorry the girl you dated for like two weeks dropped everything without a second thought if you even hinted that you wanted her too because she didn't have a life Savannah: they broke up for that exact reason Jac: He's totally got the wrong day Jac: you don't double-book Jac: not dragging him, he's clearly just so busy with his own stuff too but yeah, no way Jac: he'll work it out and owe you a great apology Savannah: it was beyond upsetting, I swear I need a mental health break from everyone but you Jac: I get it Jac: no boy drama but my family are driving me INSANE right now Jac: I vote we go test 💅 colours and get a hand massage to boot Savannah: Can we? I don't want to be responsible for causing you more family drama Jac: Ugh, no, they're fine Jac: and you're more important than any of this drama, Is and Amelia's too Savannah: ^^ I don't care how hard Ty is sulking, I'm not going to leave you to cope with them on your own Savannah: you needed my help first Jac: Like, he can't put that on you Savannah: he's never spoken to me that way before & I have no idea where it came from Jac: Is he under a lot of pressure right now, on the team? Jac: or at home, school Jac: either way, the issue is not with you, and he probably knows that already Savannah: No, everything's going really well Jac: 🤔 Savannah: It's me, it has to be Jac: You've not done what he's saying you have Jac: accusing would be too strong a word but Jac: we'll work it out but I'm totally clueless right now Savannah: me too 😢 Jac: Lowkey mad at him now Savannah: I shouldn't have even said anything, I told myself that I wasn't going to Savannah: but then Isabelle & Amelia started sulking too & it brought it all back Jac: No, I want to be there for you Jac: and make you feel better Jac: which I definitely will Jac: but I just can't explain away why he's being like this 🥺😢 Jac: and I wish I could Savannah: You'll definitely make me cry, you're the best Savannah: he was acting as though I don't make time for him, which is not true, but if it were, the reason would be that nobody deserves as much of it as you Jac: making you cry doesn't sound like something the best would do Jac: you've got to have your own lives, own friends Jac: you do NOT wanna be THAT couple Savannah: if you don't want my tears because I couldn't be happier to have found the love of my life, I'll keep them in, since they are yours, it's totally fine Savannah: yes, exactly & he knows that, he has more friends than extra-curriculars & he has as many of those as I do Savannah: it doesn't make any sense Jac: I will treasure them Jac: and make sure they never, ever spill for anything less than the happiest of moments, because that is all you deserve Jac: I could talk to him...totally on the low and in the most well-intentioned way Jac: maybe it's something he doesn't want to burden you with? but he has accidentally burdened you with this doubt and worry instead Savannah: 🥰🤗 Savannah: you'd do that? Jac: Of course! Jac: You're my soul sister, so I hope Ty at least considers me a friend too at this point Jac: he's going to have to get used to having me around 😅 Savannah: if he doesn't we have a bigger problem than I thought because I love you so much Savannah: & I will run away with you if anyone ever tries to make me choose 😄 Jac: He's smart, he's not gonna do that Jac: though honestly, I could do with the break right now, would not say no Savannah: maybe we could have one, it's essentially my right as a child of a broken home to play my parents off against each other Savannah: & if my dad is foolish enough to believe he can buy back any of my love or respect after what he's done, why should I feel bad for treating him like one Savannah: I refuse to, I do need to focus on myself Jac: In terms of making-up-to-do, he's in the lead no question, or so far behind everyone else, looking at it that way Jac: I think it would be the most appropriate way to end transition year Jac: God knows if my parents would go for it 🙄 Savannah: I'll talk to them, I've never lost a debate so far & I couldn't be any more well intentioned, my heart is in the exact right place Jac: 👼🏾🥰 Jac: next year is when everything gets REAL Jac: we need the holiday we are NOT going to get until...I don't even want to think about the next time we'll be able to take a real break after this Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: whatever I have to do to make it happen & be perfect, so be it Jac: the salon is the EXACT right place to plan all this Jac: all the inane questions they ask about your holidays will actually be useful for once 🤭 Savannah: 😄 Jac: This is like, just a you and me thing, right? Savannah: of course Jac: Okay because helping Isabelle pick bikinis is the opposite of fun 😂 Savannah: oh my god, I don't even want to imagine Jac: if the dress breakdowns aren't bad enough Jac: we'd be so stressed we'd be put on the no-fly list, honestly Savannah: Amelia would probably throw my body into the sea, weighted down by rocks or Isabelle's dog, I swear she hates me Jac: How could anyone hate you? Jac: and she's friends with me, so her taste can't be THAT off Savannah: we won't mention that she's also friends with Is Savannah: any excuse to talk about how perfect you are instead Jac: I seriously think if we wouldn't, who would 😶 Jac: you'll make me 😳 Savannah: OH! The tans we'll both get Savannah: you'll be sightseeing & I'll just be staring at you in disbelief because you somehow got even more beautiful Jac: Oh please Jac: you're so stunning they'd be running to write new laws just to make it illegal how good you look Savannah: stop, nobody can see me 😳 but I still feel it Savannah: it should be illegal how you make me feel Jac: sorry, but a world where you don't know and aren't told how perfect you are is just not one I wanna live in 💁 Savannah: I don't deserve you, all I've done today is mope & wish your friends away so that I can have you all to myself Jac: We deserve each other Jac: if I didn't have you, who would I be able to get excited about this with? Jac: I'd be going on my own, most likely Savannah: okay, you're right Jac: I just get sad thinking about all the time we weren't friends and didn't know each other properly before Savannah: No, don't be sad, baby, we trust in the universe because it was meant to be now not then Savannah: lord knows I needed my glow up before I could be around you Savannah: 👼🏻✨🌞💛 Jac: That's true Jac: I'm more thankful that we have NOW and the promise of forever than I could ever be sad Jac: definitely not ignoring how blessed I am Jac: also blessed that my hair grew back in and I lost the puppy fat look 😬🤦 Savannah: I stand by what I said when I first saw the pictures Savannah: you were ADORABLE Jac: you're too sweet but I'm not gonna complain about it 🥰 Savannah: It's true & you know that because I would never jeopardise our connection Savannah: you're the only person I can talk to with total honesty, it's so important to me Jac: I only feel like myself with you Jac: no one else gets it all Savannah: I feel like a better person when I'm with you Savannah: but with none of the pressure that my parents put on me not to fail or the fear I have of letting Ty down Jac: You're the best person Jac: if all I do is give you the confidence to believe that, then that's totally worth it Savannah: You're going to achieve everything you want Jac: I can't wait to be Dr Taylor to your Dr Moore Savannah: 😊 Savannah: I'll be there to make sure every second of your life is worth it until then & of course after Jac: Naturally ❤ Jac: have you seen the groupchat? Savannah: please don't judge me for not having opened it Jac: I couldn't even when I'm just sat here like 🤨😑 Jac: Is has sent a million links and they seem to be getting worse every one I open ??? Savannah: Well I can't face that until later when I'm 🛀🏾🥂 Savannah: not that I'll be staying at Ty's unless he apologises to me Jac: You can always stay with me Savannah: I don't think any of your family would be fine about the always, but I wish I could Jac: They'll deal, I have to put up with all of them so 💁 Jac: I'm trying to persuade them to move the sofa bed from the hangout area to the music room, make it more of a spare room too, more privacy Jac: it's not fair that Jesse has a whole room with all his crap in, there's plenty of space in said hangout room for him Savannah: 😄 I'm sure we could win that debate too, I definitely have as much passion about the subject as you if it means I don't have to go home Savannah: it's impossible to 🛀🏾🥂 when my mum is mid-breakdown in her en-suite Jac: 😬😥 Jac: she needs to convert the passion she had for couples therapy for solo therapy now Savannah: Honestly! It's a full time job making sure she's adequately but not over medicated & if I'm worrying about it I know Sienna is Savannah: I have to unlock the door to let her in & before I know it I'm re-doing her braids or checking her homework, all the while my bath water is going cold Jac: You're actually such a good sister, and daughter Jac: In awe of you Jac: I wish you didn't have to work as hard as you do, but it's really admirable Savannah: like, so sorry that you had to go home to walk your dog, Isabelle 🙄 it's no wonder she doesn't understand me Jac: She doesn't even try Jac: she lives on planet Is where the most important thing is which bland boy she's going to get off with next Jac: I can't claim so many of your experiences and struggles but I respect the hell out of you, and try to make your life easier where and when I can Savannah: oh my god, the boy from the other night! I can't Jac: 🤢 Jac: her taste! Jac: worrying Jac: ugly dresses are the least of her problems Jac: I feel like I can't leave her alone sometimes, honestly Savannah: if this thing with Ty is leading to a break up I refuse to date any of the boys in our school Savannah: that would be another full time job working out which of them have & haven't done what with her & when Jac: tell me about it 🙄 Jac: they're all so lacklustre Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: we know our worth & we're simply too good for any of them unless they have a serious emotional glow up of their own Jac: Mhmm Jac: Ty is never gonna break up with you though Savannah: I don't know anymore, I never thought he would raise his voice to me Jac: That's pretty out of order Jac: he knows about your dad, what he's like Savannah: & it's really out of character too Jac: Yeah, totally Jac: men and anger issues are a whole can of worms Jac: there's something he isn't dealing with, for sure Savannah: or something he's not telling me Savannah: I just hope it's not a someone Jac: who could even come close to you? Jac: he's not that cliche of having the perfect girl and risking it on some skank Savannah: Logically I know that but I'm so scared Jac: Babe 🥺 Jac: you NEED to put you first, even just for the length of this nail appointment Jac: you don't need this extra stress from him Jac: I've started the convo, you can read it all once we get to the meat of it Savannah: I just want to be excited about 💅🏾 & all the iconic outfits we saw Savannah: it's SO unfair Jac: I hate this Jac: I wish I could take you away right now Savannah: you do, I'd be even more a wreck if you weren't the amazingly intuitive person you are, earlier without even having to be told I was upset you made me feel better over and over again Savannah: and right now you know what I need, way before I can put it into words or coherent thoughts Jac: we trust the connection too 💫💐💞 Savannah: I love you Savannah: I'm not devoting time & space to anyone else today, from this point on Jac: and we're definitely getting lunch after, my treat Savannah: no, mine Savannah: you've already been taking such good care of me Jac: Okay, but we will be going [place] and I will be getting you your favourite dessert Jac: no arguments 😘 Savannah: Okay, I won't fight you on it Jac: there are so many more important, and fun, decisions for us to make Savannah: ^^^!! Savannah: is Is still trying to force you to make outfit decisions for her though? Jac: I've said we've got more pressing matters right now Jac: I've made it sound like a me issue though, don't worry Jac: they'll have to cope without us for a while Savannah: Thank you, I can't cope with their relationship advice at the best of times Jac: Yeah, there's less than zero chance they'd have anything useful to say so Jac: they don't need to know Savannah: We won't tell them about the holiday plans either, that way you'll have a nice secret to keep as well as my stupid boyfriend drama Jac: to secrets 🥂 Savannah: 🥂 Savannah: Are you still thinking about that dress or have I ruined everything? Jac: You could never ruin anything with me Jac: so yes Jac: but I'm also remembering that other shop we didn't even get a chance to check out Savannah: their window display is INCREDIBLE ✨ Savannah: we should go Jac: I KNOW Jac: I've been window shopping every time I go past Jac: and to be fair, I think it's a bit out of Isabelle's price range, so it actually wouldn't be nice to take her there Savannah: the universe has spoken, I'm taking you there, our secret Jac: 🥰 Jac: I swear I only have fun when I'm with you Savannah: you're so much fun that nobody considers you might not be having any, but I promise I'll always think about you & what you need Jac: You'll make me cry now Savannah: Baby, no 🥺 if you start you'll set me off again Savannah: I'm a really ugly crier & you look like an 👼🏻 Jac: Okay, okay, no crying Jac: we'll stay flawless Savannah: that's harder work for me than it could ever be for you, but I'll do my best Jac: You're the most perfect person I've ever known Jac: inside and out Savannah: I feel that way about you, I'm not just saying it like, oh sure, me too Savannah: you're so perfect I should hate you Jac: Yeah, I know Jac: sorta been there done that Jac: not that I ever hated you really Savannah: I couldn't Jac: No, in the way how perfect you are SHOULD be impossible, that's how hating you felt Savannah: that's it exactly Savannah: & I just wanted you to notice me, I'd wait all day sometimes, getting more extra about everything Jac: It was like, I should've been mad at you but I could only ever be impressed Savannah: Well, I can't lie, I'm glad because I've never worked that hard for anyone before Savannah: it'd be super awkward if I failed Jac: 😅 Jac: I'm flattered Jac: how many boys wish, like Savannah: of course, but boys are easy Jac: duh, if you need to try then you've got bigger problems Savannah: I don't understand what Amelia's is, a smile & a hair flip & she could be dating anyone in our year Jac: Yeah, me either Jac: maybe she's had the same 💭 about Isabelle's seconds Savannah: 😄 Savannah: at this point I'm seriously expecting her to come out as asexual Jac: 🤔 maybe you're onto something Savannah: I do have good instincts for these things Jac: True Savannah: one of Sienna's friends is & nobody's been anything but really supportive about it Savannah: her year group are so sweet though Savannah: I was not like that a year ago Jac: Awh Jac: yeah, she knows we'd all support her Jac: and no one is going to say anything to her Jac: no one with half a brain cell anyway Savannah: & even if things were said it'd be no worse than what they say about her now Jac: Facts Jac: I don't know if she 1. genuinely doesn't hear 2. pretends not to or 3. seriously doesn't care Savannah: & you know her better than anyone so if you aren't sure she probably isn't either Jac: 😕 Jac: if she gave any indication, I'd do everything to help her Savannah: I know you would Savannah: I'm honestly so jealous of how close you two are & have been for like, ever Jac: but we're just as close now Savannah: I can't help but envy all the shared history you have though, all the pictures & stories that I'm obviously left out of Savannah: I shouldn't think like that, I know Savannah: but sometimes it does get to me, even though I try & be a better person than that Jac: We're going to make so many memories together though Jac: from now 'til forever Savannah: of course we are Savannah: it's no wonder he also accused me of being over sensitive, that one is very clearly true Jac: people just say that when they don't want to make allowances for other people's inconvenient feelings Jac: you can feel that, and I feel it too Jac: I wish you had been there Savannah: it just feels like she brings up all these past anecdotes as often as she does to try & leave me out Savannah: but maybe she doesn't realise how much it hurts me Jac: I'm sure she doesn't, but I'll make extra effort to clock it and get her to chill now Jac: we don't need to dwell on the past, especially at our age 🙄 Savannah: I don't want to cause friction, I can totally understand her wanting to reminisce, if we'd known each other then, I'd be the same Savannah: I talk & think about you literally all the time as it is Jac: Not even Jac: I don't want you feeling left out, or anyone Savannah: you would never Jac: you're so important to me Savannah: you've always let me know that Jac: 🥰 Savannah: I don't know how I would cope with anything that's going on in my life right now without you Savannah: I didn't even realise how badly I needed someone to talk to Jac: You look after everyone, you need someone to look after you Savannah: I can't rely on anyone to do that though Jac: me 🙋 Savannah: you can't leave me ever, I swear I'll go crazier than my mother Jac: I never will Jac: I promise Savannah: okay, I'm yours to look after then Jac: I can cope with that 😄 Savannah: you've definitely handled me at my worst, I haven't forgotten my bathroom breakdown, trust me Savannah: the embarrassment will last forever Jac: it so easily could have been me Jac: and maybe I wouldn't have had the courage to ever reach out if not, frame it like that Savannah: No, I hate that Jac: Okay, but no embarrassment either Jac: because you're the strongest person I know, and nothing I've learnt about you has changed that opinion Savannah: Well, I think you're the bravest & I fully believe you'll always find the courage to do whatever you want Jac: 🤞 Jac: I've got a lot of things I want and intend to do Savannah: 👏🏾 Yes girl! Savannah: I can't wait for transition year to be over Jac: Ugh, I know Jac: on the one hand, LOVE the extra opportunities and learning experiences they simply do not bother with the rest of the time Jac: but the other half is having to do lessons I have NO intention of carrying on with, which is just, pointless Savannah: ^^^^^^^^^ Savannah: my auntie was complaining at me as if it was OPTIONAL & I CHOSE it, excuse me Jac: Ha! 🙄 Jac: we all know it's meant to be in theory Jac: but if you don't go to a school with a high teacher to child ratio, with the budget and time to care about tailoring the learning experience to each child...then you're gonna have to do it with the rest, like it or lump it Savannah: She's a product of the American school system, there is zero place for her criticism Jac: and I- 😶 Jac: even our worst school would be preferable I'm sorry 😂 Savannah: Right?! Jac: Compared to the English and American systems, except maybe the super-elite English ones, I feel like we're still going to be at an advantage when we go to Uni Savannah: Agreed Savannah: even this year we've totally made the most of so far Jac: You've got to Jac: or you'll end up with a mediocre life and what is the point in even living Savannah: Ugh, exactly Savannah: I can already tell who is going to end up living like that Jac: I know right Jac: like, sorry to break it to you, but they're called FORMATIVE years for a reason Savannah: mhmmmm Jac: you can still have fun without ruining your life and future Jac: you just have to work hard too and some people are simply too lazy 💁 Savannah: ^^ we manage to have it all Savannah: I'm not sorry if they don't want it enough to secure it for themselves Jac: Exactly Jac: can't be sorry for you if you chose to act that way Jac: maybe some of them will turn it around years down the line but it'll be so much harder than if they'd put the work in when they were meant to Savannah: It breaks my heart that everybody doesn't have you to guide & hype them Jac: Only you deserve me though, that's the truth of it Savannah: I'm willing to work at that for the rest of my life too so Jac: 🥺 Jac: Ugh, I just love you Jac: you've really solidified all my life choices, if that makes sense Jac: like I know now everything I want is exactly what I need too Savannah: It makes perfect sense & I feel it too Jac: Thank God you do Savannah: My family are always pushing me to go to Trinity, they don't understand at all Jac: like, yeah, it's a good Uni, but we've done Dublin Jac: it's also the point of Uni to expand your horizons, put roots down somewhere else Jac: your hometown and Uni town are NOT meant to be the same Savannah: ^^ thank you Savannah: Sienna is the only one whose opinion is valid because I will be leaving her here alone for a year before she can go wherever she decides to & she'll actually miss me Savannah: my parents just want to control me Jac: Right, you aren't being selfish about it Jac: it's because you're too useful to them, like you said, looking after Sienna and your mum Jac: but those are actually both jobs your dad took on when he got married and made a family so Jac: he still has to deal with them Savannah: He gets to literally walk out but god forbid I take the next step in my life Jac: Right, he has to realize you are not a surrogate carer Jac: and that sorting those things out will always be his responsibility Savannah: He takes no responsibility for abandoning us never mind the fact that he spent years emotionally destroying my mum & then walking out when he didn't like who she became Jac: He's going to have to face his blame one day Jac: if nothing else, he does love you and Sienna, he wouldn't let anything really bad happen to you two Savannah: I don't feel loved, I feel like he decided none of us were good enough Savannah: maybe I'm too much like her for him to handle too Jac: I hate that he's made you feel like that Jac: but if anything, that shows failure on his part, not yours Jac: you're brilliant and loving and you're still there, even though it's so much for you to handle Jac: you don't need him, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable right now, and that it's shit that he isn't stepping up Savannah: I hate him & I can't stand that he's made me carry hate in my heart when that isn't who I want to be Jac: Oh, Sav Jac: you wouldn't hold negative feelings towards him if he wasn't giving you that energy first Jac: you're never a doormat, again, it shows you're strong Savannah: Don't let me be with Ty, okay? Jac: Promise Savannah: Throw my phone into the 🛀🏾 if you have to, I'll forgive you Jac: 😅 I've got it in writing Savannah: 😄 Jac: would never drop it in 🥂 Jac: such a waste Savannah: Lord no, I need the full 🍾 Jac: 🙌 I can get behind that Jac: it's been a DAY Savannah: it had it's genuine 🙌🏾 moments nevertheless, because of & featuring you Savannah: I've looked at the pictures so many times, I CANNOT believe you really look like that Jac: 😳 says you Savannah: yes & I'm going to keep saying it until it sinks in for both of us that you're the most beautiful person that has ever existed because I'm hoping that if it does for me, at least, whatever dress you choose won't take my breath away as soon as I see you in it Savannah: otherwise you'll be trying to twirl but also having to catch me as I legitimately faint Jac: you'll have to not kill me before then or I won't be any use to anyone Jac: just a blushy mess on the floor Savannah: that isn't fair, on the one hand, you can't die, I need you, but on the other that sounds ADORABLE Jac: it's unfair how much of an 👼🏾 you are to me but I don't wanna share so Savannah: pink is one of my favourite colours, you know this & you wear it so well 🌺😳🌷 Jac: I'll wear it for you Jac: even if I don't go for that dress Jac: I wonder if we can get corsages or is that too extra 🤔 Savannah: I'll get that dress if it makes you happy, I'll wear anything you want me to, including a corsage Savannah: there is no such thing as too extra when you're talking about 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Jac: my sentiments exactly 😄😄 Jac: I don't think Amelia will wear one Jac: but we can get them Jac: we can get our birth flowers and favourites and it'll be so cute Savannah: It should be an us thing, the holiday is so far away Jac: ^^ and it's more our vibe Jac: doesn't go with a short dress or jeans, really Savannah: 😄 Jac: I've got some books I need to return to the library, do you wanna meet at that little coffee place by there? Savannah: how many books? If you need help carrying them all I'll meet you at the library Jac: love the romcom fantasy 😅 Jac: you know me, there's a few... 😬 Savannah: 😊 I'll be right there, baby Savannah: no more struggles today Jac: ❤❤✨ Savannah: 🥰

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