#he would steal it so much cas finally gives him one of his own

[passiveagressivepoet]

castiel-core

[jinkicake]

Behind Closed Doors

The demons and how they would love you in secret. 

Barbatos, Lucifer, Mammon, Satan x Reader

A/N: All week I’ve been trying to write a Luci hate fic but, I can’t finish long works to save my own life soooooooo.... I wrote this instead :-) maybe one day I’ll post the luci fic... maybe not!

WC - 2.2k

~~~

Barbatos plays his role in a secret relationship a little too well. Much to his dismay, he neglects you most nights anyway due to his job and the tasks that come with it so the only time you spend together is those that are in passing. When Barbatos comes to drop something off, he will spend a few moments holding your hand or running his fingers along your jaw. He’s really good at keeping things hush-hush and could probably do so for the rest of your lives. 

“How are you, my dear?” 

You’ll never understand how Barbatos finds you in the most hidden places, you could be in a closet underneath the stairs in an old hallway and he could still find you in no time. Today, however, you’re in a far corner of the library. Underneath one of the large open windows, you’re tucked behind a curtain in a comfy chair with some old book in your lap. The book is not open as you decide to play on your phone instead. 

With Barbatos now here, you decide that you won’t need the mobile device or the book for entertainment. 

“I’m alright, how are you?” You sigh into the demon’s touch as he cups your cheek. The butler stands tall beside you as his gloves tickle your skin. 

“Don’t worry about me,” He calls you to sleep as his thumb runs over your cheekbone, gently forcing you to relax with his presence and a bit of magic. “how can I make your day better?” Barbatos would do anything to see that your wants and desires are settled. 

“By resting with me,” Barbatos frowns at your wish and brushes his fingers against the underside of your jaw. 

“You know that I hate to deny you of anything,” He murmurs while keeping his eyes on the tips of his gloved fingers, the demon watches intensely as he runs the digits along your throat. You tilt your head back slightly, closing your eyes and that causes the demon’s breath to hitch. “I can’t give myself to you just yet.” Barbatos leans forward to place a kiss on the corner of your lips. It’s a peck that lingers as he pauses for a few moments before pulling away and pushing the hair from your face. “Please be patient until tonight,” 

At the sound of a creak against the wooden floors, the warm touch against your neck is gone and so is the demon. Barbatos is gone before you can even realize it and you sigh out into the air. 

“(Y/N)! What a surprise to see you here!” Diavolo exclaims as he comes across you, his arms are held open wide with two heavy books resting in his hands. “Small world, huh?”

“Lord Diavolo, what are you doing here?” You try to keep your heartbeat under control and your face neutral like you weren’t just partaking in a secret rendezvous with his dear friend. 

“Well, I had to find a few books for a dinner I’m hosting this weekend. You’re coming along with Lucifer, correct?” Oh, he must be talking about what Lucifer corned you this morning for. You can never turn down a request from the future king nor can you disappoint Lucifer so you’re often at his castle. 

Plus you get to see your boyfriend and that is something you can never reject. 

“That reminds me, (Y/N), have you seen Barbatos recently? I can’t seem to find him anywhere and he’s always behind me-”

Beloved Lucifer deep down enjoys a secret relationship. He loves having to sneak around with you and the tension that arises from it all. There’s nothing more that he enjoys than stealing a kiss when no one else is looking or meeting you late in your room when everyone else is asleep. He’s a private demon and likes to keep all of his affairs away from the public, you’re his mortal treasure after all and he is not going to ever share you. 

“Let’s head to my room! I finally got my hands on a new limited edition-”

“Huh? I thought we were going to the casino.”

“Isn’t it time for dinner?”

Past the nonstop chatter of Levi, Mammon, and Beel, you find yourself trailing slightly behind the group. The afternoon is still young and bright as your classes have just gotten out for the day and you’re more than ready to unwind and go relax. 

Perhaps you’ll jump from social media app to social media app to let your mind completely unravel.

Or maybe you’ll go for a walk and listen to the new album from-

In the midst of your thoughts, a hand grabs your wrist and yanks you into a hidden doorway. A screech leaves your lips but the noise is quickly muffled by the demon’s other hand. 

“(Y/N)?” Mammon’s voice calls out to you, drowned out from the other side of the door and it is followed by a parroted call of your name from his brothers. 

“Maybe they went to the kitchen.” Beel murmurs and you roll your eyes at the sound of his retreading footsteps. 

“Maybe they headed to my room early!” Levi is quick to leave right after Beel and only Mammon waits a few moments behind to look things over. 

“Ah, stupid human.”

The touch from before comes back stronger now as large palms rest over your shoulders. You recognize this comforting feeling anywhere and lean back into Lucifer’s chest. 

“Hello, my love,” Lucifer quietly coos into your ear, squeezing you in his hold for extra emphasis. In his touch, you nearly melt. “how was your day?” “Tiring,” You huff and let your eyes flutter shut under exhaustion. 

“Mhm, would you like to come with me?” At Lucifer’s question, you can’t help but peek an eye open to look back at him. The kind smile resting on his face has you nodding in agreement before you can even think about it. 

Lucifer leans forward before dipping his head and lowering his face, he ghosts his lips over yours as a point to build anticipation before gently kissing you. For a moment, all that exists are his lips pressed against yours. You just can’t help but kiss back, and at the pressure you enforce, Lucifer cups your jaw. He holds you still while working his lips passionately, pecking you a few times before pulling away just to tease you.

The demon laughs at your pout, he laughs. 

Lucifer turns you around in his arms before bending over to kiss you once again. He presses you up against the closet door with one of his hands resting firmly around your waist while the other braces his weight against the door. 

He could spend all afternoon kissing you, loving you.

“I’m taking you to my room,” Lucifer murmurs against your lips then briefly licks at the corner of your mouth. You can’t think of any reason why you would ever deny him of this. “tonight will be for you.”

Mammon is greedy. He wants nothing more than to brag about you and show off his relationship to every single person that will listen. Considering Mammon, he would even tell people that wouldn’t listen. It’s no surprise that he grows a little antsy about your ‘secret relationship’ and a bit insecure in himself. Why don’t you want to share him with the world too? Isn’t he as special to you as you are to him?

“Belphie thinks I’m seeing you,” You randomly tell Mammon one afternoon, you’re relaxing on his bed with your upper half hanging off the mattress. The demon sitting beside you on the floor scoffs in response. “it has something to do with the fact that I’m always in your room.” You push yourself up and move to lay on your stomach, you’re now staring at Mammon with your chin resting on the tops of your hands. “Are we being too obvious?”

“Eh? Who cares,” Mammon’s half-assed response does not please you in the slightest, nor does his habit of scrolling through his phone while talking to you. “you’re the one who wants to keep this hidden.”

“With good reason!” You argue back and it’s passionate enough that Mammon glances over his shoulder back at you for a split second. The demon shakes his head in annoyance before looking back at his screen. “It’s only for a bit longer-”

“You’ve been saying that for three months,” The dejection in his voice would have been a lot clearly had you been facing him head-on. You can’t help but sigh. “why can’t we tell anyone?”

“Maybe because you’re a demon and I’m a human,” As you start to poke his cheek, Mammon swats at your hand. 

“So?” He doesn’t really get you, it’s not like there are any rules saying that the two of you can’t date. 

“And I just like keeping you to myself, I don’t want to share.” Mammon knows you are trying to distract him with your touch, it’s the only reason you’re acting so clingy. He tries to remain as stiff as possible when you wrap your arms around his shoulders but, Mammon can only fake irritation towards you for so long. With a sigh, he falls relaxes against you and tilts his head back to rest on the top of his bed. 

“One day I’m going to tell everyone,” He pouts, eyes casted elsewhere in the room. Mammon can’t look at you right now, not with the blush on his face. “they’re all going to know.” 

You have to tease him.

“Know what?” Mammon short circuits at your question, he glances at you through his slow blinks before staring back up at the ceiling. 

“That we’re- That I-” He fumbles over his words, choking on them as he tries to express himself verbally in any way possible.

“That you?” You push, cooing against his jaw as you press your cheek against his own. The hold you have him in tightens and you can’t help hugging your squishy demon. “That you like me?”

“I-I would never say something so lame,” Mammon sputters and tries to hide his bright red blush beneath his white hair. 

“That you love me?” At this, Mammon pauses and brings his hands up to hold your own. 

“Something like that,”

Despite being a rather reserved person, Satan would not like to be hidden in the shadows. At first, he may have enjoyed the idea of a secret relationship. He likes the mystery that comes with it, almost as if it was plucked straight out of one of his favorite books. But, over time, he will begin to dislike it. The demon doesn’t care who knows about your relationship and, much like his older brother, would love to parade your beauty for the worlds to see. 

“Must you keep me hidden away as if I’m some dirty secret?” Satan scowls at you despite your best efforts to push him into your bathroom. Everything was fine between the two of you until somebody knocked at your door. 

“I’m sorry, it’ll be quick, I promise!” Your whispered promises don’t make the demon feel any better as he rolls his eyes and hides behind your shower curtain. Mentally, you pray that Satan did a good job at hiding himself before you open your door and greet Lucifer with a smile. 

“(Y/N),” The older demon dips his head slightly and offers you a small smile. 

“Lucifer, is something wrong?” You nervously grip the edge of your door and hide half of your body behind the large piece of wood. The quicker this interaction ends, the better. 

“I just needed to make sure you are aware of the schedule change for tomorrow. We are meeting for the council meeting at one instead of three.”

Satan contemplates turning on the shower to drown himself so then he won’t have to hear any more of Lucifer’s voice. It’s bad enough that you’re shutting him out, he doesn’t need to be tortured by the other demon too. 

“Lord Diavolo texted me about it, but, thank you for reminding me.” The fourth-born can see the sweet smile on your face and the kindness that you give to everyone, it makes him want to scoff. Why must you be polite to Lucifer? Has he taught you nothing?

“You’re welcome. That is all-” Lucifer turns to head out, literally on his heel but then he pauses at the clattering noise coming from inside your room. “Is everything alright in your bathroom?”

“Oh!” You protectively stand in front of your doorway to prevent the demon from exploring your room further. “Everything is fine, why?” Until you can push Lucifer out, you plan to feign ignorance. 

“Rumor has it that Levi’s rats got out so just keep your eye out for them. Please do not harm the creatures.” Lucifer looks you over once more, eyes narrowed in suspicion before he ultimately turns away. He begins to leave after nodding goodbye to you and you think that you might just be in the clear. But, the demon stops and glances at you over his shoulder. His voice is now extremely low. “Do tell Satan ‘hello’ for me.”

Your mind is blank as you watch the demon walk away, and as you close your bedroom door and lock it, even as you pull Satan out from your bathroom and then head straight for your bed.

“He’s got a seventh sense or something,” You can’t help but part your lips in shock, Lucifer truly is something. “besides, why did you knock something over?!”

“It just slipped,” Satan shrugs but, with the charming smile on his face, you know the act was 100% intentional. “oh, don’t get upset with me, (Y/N). I’ll make it up to you.”

[verysium]

i assume that you listen to the weeknd sooo may i ask for a quick the weeknd song associations w bllk characters perhaps? if possible. i like the way you think of each character and im curios if we have a common perspective at some point

😭 if you mention abel in any ask to me, there is no way it's going to be quick and easy. this took me like a week to process and even longer to formulate my answer. it's difficult to assign just one song to each character because the discography is just so versatile, so there may be some overlap.

THE TOWN

this song is basically kaiser if he left someone in his past prior to joining bastard münchen in his rise to fame. i envision a reader who was with him during the early years of his career (maybe as childhood friends), and he abandoned them when his big breakthrough finally came.

"you did many things / that i liked, that i liked" the covert narcissism here was the selling point. now i'm not saying kaiser is a pathological narcissist, but the way he thinks inherently revolves around himself. he only likes people because they have something he likes. you have to possess something he actually wants before he even bats an eyelash at you. and even when you do get into his good graces, it's conditional. in other words, kaiser's buddy-buddy system is entirely based on value. how much value are you going to provide him, and how long is that value going to last? hence why he's so obsessed with isagi because our little blueberry sprout protagonist has both the novelty and adaptability kaiser desires.

"you made me feel so good / before i left on the road" i know this sounds like some shit a frat boy would spew, but here me out. i think the reason why half the fandom absolutely bashes kaiser's character is because his actions come off as emotionally immature. making arrogant claims with nothing to back them up? having no personal boundaries? manhandling other people? projecting his own insecurities in the form of jealousy? that sounds a lot like some of the male specimens i've seen in today's society, particularly those who make podcasts for a living. kaiser is not a hot bad boy. he's just pure jerk in some cases, and a tragic backstory is not going to justify those actions. but to apply that to a romantic relationship? some of y'all are not ready to hear this, but kaiser is not going to make a good boyfriend. he would most definitely use you.

"you deserve your name / on a crown, on a throne" if there's one thing you should know about kaiser, it's that he will find a way to pay homage to his past, even if it wasn't a good time for him. so despite the way he absolutely ghosted you years ago, he will find a way to enshrine your existence within his. i have a running theory that kaiser's tattoos are actually for the girl he left back at home. he'd probably get your name inked on his knuckles or something.

"but i remember on the bathroom floor / 'fore i went on tour / like you said we couldn't do it again / cause you had a thing with some other man" i've read a lot of fics where kaiser has a possessive meltdown whenever reader finds someone else after their break-up, or even just the reddit theories that kaiser will flip out when ness finally leaves him. i'm going to add my own take on this. yes, kaiser will freak out but only after a long stage of denial. at first, he's going to be unfazed because there's no way you'd actually leave him. and even if you did find another man, you would inevitably come crawling back to him. in his mind, the fact that you two should be together is about as debatable as defying the laws as physics. which is to say, there is no debate.

"now that i heard you're single /...i'll give you something to live for" mr. steal your girl is back. kaiser may be rash and impulsive in his everyday life, but his patience is limitless when it comes to biding his time against his enemies. you're finally big enough to eat, yoichi...does that ring any bells? he will literally wait just so he can see your new relationship crash and burn. and when it finally does, he will swoop in during your time of emotional need and make you co-dependent on him. this man has the self-seeking opportunism of a whole vulture committee.

"and it feels so priceless to me / that you're always free" ok but this double entendre??? like priceless as in you're valuable to the point you're free from anyone's definition of value. but also priceless in the way you're worth nothing, and people can have you for free. this is literally kaiser in any relationship where the other party overcompensates for him. i'm going to use ness as an example. i think kaiser knows how much ness is willing to do for him, and he appreciates it (he better lol) since ness is one of the only people he can actually get along with. but at the same time, the fact that ness would literally do anything for kaiser is also the reason why kaiser takes him for granted. given the large supply of admiration and support, it's only logical that the demand for it should wane. the key to keeping kaiser's attention is scarcity. you can't be too distant from him, but you can't be too close either. if you're right in the optimal middle, then you're scarce, and all scarce things are rare and, subsequently, valuable.

PRAY FOR ME

this song could work for so many characters, but i'm going to go with noel noa because i haven't talked about him much. he fits into this model for "the strongest" character (akin to gojo in jjk or "the little giant" in haikyuu!!) this mentor/role model archetype is incredibly significant in the protagonist's journey to the top. noa is isagi's primary motivation and presumably his greatest obstacle if he were ever to become the #1 player in the world. the tragic aspect to this archetype is that we often aren't given the full picture for these characters. their internal consciousness is eclipsed in some way because the story is written from the perspective of the protagonist. noa grew up in the slums of france, but the manga doesn't actually focus on any of the struggles he had to face. all of that is implied and sometimes even expected. his strength (or at least the image of his strength) becomes everything, and he can't afford to lose any of it. i think that's the saddest part about any character considered the strongest. they push themselves to the top but simultaneously back themselves into a corner.

"if i'm gon' die for you / if i'm gon' kill for you / then i'll spill this blood for you" i know noa's peers like to shit on him for being so serious all the time, but when you're raised in the kind of environment where everything has been against you from day one, the survival mentality is literally ingrained in you. a lot of his advice to isagi is centered around this idea of eliminating any wishful thinking. he can't count on anything that isn't certain. so if he's going to have to make a sacrifice, it has to be worth it. i think that's also why noa doesn't relate to any of the other world class players. he isn't driven by greed or fame or popularity. the egoist mindset doesn't arise from his own personal ambitions. it's simply how he's learned to live life from a young age.

"my heart don't skip a beat, even when hard times bumps the needle" noa is solid. like rock solid, 10 on a mohs hardness scale. but more than solid, he's incredibly sharp in his focus. he specifically tells isagi not to try and play god because he's seen so many other players try to do that and fail. they get caught up in what their goal could mean: victory, prestige, grandeur, control over others. but to noa, a goal is simply a goal. he doesn't care if this is a win or a loss for his team. he doesn't care if this will put him at rivalry with others. all he needs to do is figure out the most efficient way to get a black-and-white ball through the net. and he's so goddamn good at this. he's mastered it to the point he can focus on what he desires right now in this moment and block out everything else as unnecessary noise. hence, he doesn't get overwhelmed by external pressures. everything about him, even his ego, is intrinsic. and that's what makes him the best.

i'm running out of room, so i'm just gonna list the next few below:

starboy: i've seen this song being assigned to either rin or kaiser, but now that i re-evaluate it, i think the self-deprecative and bitter tone fits sae best.

call out my name: reo listened to this the day nagi left him. i was there, so this is a reliable primary source. it is his breakup song.

heartless: i would assign this one to sae. the melody, the vibe, not so much the lyrics. the overall impression just fits him. i don't know how to explain it.

the hills: this song suits barou, and you cannot tell me otherwise. i'm gonna blast this every time he makes an entrance in the manga.

lost in the fire: this is oliver's pre-game anthem. he's not actually as cool as the song implies, but he likes to think he is.

don't break my heart: this is rin when he's acting butt-hurt. his first big heartbreak was from a 180-cm redhead who drinks salted kombucha every morning and has ugly shorn-off bangs.

die for you: honestly this song was made for the children of divorce who grew up with a messed up conception of love and avoidant attachment style, so obviously i'm going to assign this one to hiori.

too late: kaiser plays this from his stereo while he sips on a martini and contemplates self-destruction. he recognizes that he was in the wrong, but is he actually going to apologize? hell no.

moth to a flame: this is isagi being the homewrecker he is. he's not innocent enough to be completely pardoned. i would classify him as either chaotic good or lawful neutral.

gasoline: niko would suit this song cus he can be somewhat nihilistic if he wants to be. also because i headcanon him as someone with a disorderly sleep schedule.

the morning: uh....honestly idk. this one stumped me. it's giving that one barou backshot where he was training shirtless. but it also reminds me of that one kaiser panel with his 300,000,000 salary.

sidewalks: kunigami plays this song while working out. he is the og grinder. started from the bottom and clawed his way up to the top.

how do i make you love me? ness plays this while doodling in his "operation make kaiser fall in love with me" notebook.

less than zero: this is kira after isagi ousted him from popularity. not much else to say.

[ananke-xiii]

and talking about "making it worse"... Dean telling Cas that he has to leave the bunker without a fucking valid reason should have been worse. Come on, give me more.

Dean gives Cas some cash and a mobile because Gadreel told him Cas couldn't stay but he disn't say they couldn't keep in touch lol. I don't understand why Supernatural suddenly forgot about the existence of telephones. "Ehhhhh because they needed to emphasize Cas' pain etc". Fine.

Then give me a passive-aggressive fight. Dean gives Cas a phone, he calls him a few times to make sure he's okay but Cas just rejects his calls (being told to leave without reason after you had just died is a bitch).

So when Cas eventually gives in and calls Dean, he's just over the moon. He rushes to "Rexford, Idaho" secretly craving for some forgiveness. Things get even worse.

The situation precipitates when it's discovered that Zeke's not Zeke. Despite everything that's happened Cas stands by Dean's side. In fact, it's precisely because he wants to save the brothers that he decides to steal his own brother's grace. Cas is committed to the Winchester family.

However, things keep getting worse, Dean and Sam fight, Cas tries to mediate but he and Dean end up having a lil fight too. Cas has now changed and understands humans a bit better so he tries to be the bigger person and tries to call Dean and this time Dean fucking rejects his calls. Cas is very pissed but decides to stay with Sam and do what he can to stay by his side. In a way, he takes side. Or so Dean thinks or whatever.

When they finally reunite they manage to "stow their baggage" for a while but the explosion is inevitable. Instead of that lukewarm fight we see by the end of S9 we get the big one that's been building up from the first episode.

And the best part is that, yet once again, after the nth fight, Cas still chooses Dean and he confirms his commitment to him and his family for the third time this season. But it's too late.

So when S10 starts, Cas is at his lowest in every aspect of his life, he's like a dying Sims, we can see the little thingy over his head and it's not good. Of course, things between the two can only go better from this point on until Dean finds out Cas' been helping Sam out. Dean's totally not happy about it and the two have a minor argument. Dean thinks Cas is taking sides again or whatever Part 2. This is the build-up for the "Cas and Dean's Big Fight/Confrontation" that must happen at the end of every season since s4, it's a tradition. But this time, just like by the end of s9 when Cas saves Dean, we doubt if Dean will spare Cas' life (this actually happened in canon so I'm happy but I need more meat for Dean's angst/jealousy over Sam and Cas working together behind his back).

Yeah. Carver made it bad for Cas and Dean but I would've made it so much worse. Actual scenes with Cas and Dean weren't even necessary because I would have "Dabbed" it away. One thing I must give Dabb credit for is that he remembered telephones are a thing and they're also very conveniently symbolic of Cas and Dean's relationship from the very start so why not use them? Was it original? No. Did it make sense? Yes.

But anyway.

[darklordazalin]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord Saidra d'Honaire

Domain: Dementlieu Domain Formation: Not specified (707 BC old sources) Power level:💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ Sources: Van Ricthen’s Guide to Ravenloft (5e)

I wrote of the original Darklord of Dementliue, Dominic d'Honaire last week. In the good doctor’s latest guide, the Domain of Dementlieu has maintained it’s love of decadence masking the truth with virtually every citizen maintaining the lie that they are more than they appear to be. Saidra D’Honaire, the new Darklord, being the grand duchess of delusion.

Saidra grew up on a small farm with her father who claimed he was exiled from his rightful place as a Duke by his younger brother. Saidra threw herself fully into this fancy. She bullied other children into entertaining her, declaring it her right because of her “superior” birth. These children must have been of a timid nature to put of with that nonsense.

Saidra’s father remarried a successful merchant who already had two daughters of her own. This new found family scorned Saidra and her fantasies and treated her like a servant despite the family’s wealth. Saidra’s father must have been absent or dense or both as he did nothing about this.

When a nearby Duke died and when she asked if it was her father’s wicked brother, her father finally told her the truth. He was the Duke’s servant and fled after he was caught trying to steal from him. Saidra was unable to face reality and prayed over her mother’s grave for guidance. What she got was a grandmother type appearing seemingly out of nowhere who granted her jewels and attire so she could attend the masquerade ball for the new Duke’s coronation.

It is never wise to accept magical gifts from unknown individuals. I think all of us Darklords can agree that they rarely give such things for free and typically have a malevolent purpose. Though, from the start, Saidra did not hold much to logic and realism, so it is no surprise that she accepted these gifts without question.

At the ball the glamour that surrounded her captured the Duke’s attentions and Saidra’s original plan of murdering him to claim what was hers was quickly replaced with the idea of marrying him. I’m curious to hear how she planned on murdering him in front of an entire ballroom of people and claiming his title without complaint seeing as she only brought a single blade with her…

None of these vague plans mattered in the end, because at midnight a plague overtook the guests and killed them all. As some do upon their inevitable deaths (trust me, I’ve seen it enough to know), the Duke confessed that the true Duke had no legitimate children and he was actually the son of a common servant who fled the household after an attempted theft. Realizing that this man she had contemplated marrying moments ago was not an actual Duke and was her brother, disgusted Saidra so she killed him with her blade before the plague did.

I would guess that this plague was part of Saidra’s untold deal with the “grandmotherly” figure who granted her “wish” earlier that evening. The plague claimed Saidra as well and when she awoke she was an undead wraith bound to the Domain of Dementlieu.

She is now the Duchess she always dreamed of being, but in her undead condition, cannot enjoy many of the decadence and delicacies that title grants her. To blend in with mortal society, she must wear a mask, which resulted in her hosting a masquerade ball once every 7 days. There she delights in unmasking those she deems unworthy or trying to disguise themselves as being above their alloted station all the while fearing her own exposure.

When not holding her little, pointless parties, Saidra stalks the streets as a wraith cloaked in a crimson shadow. Her people refer to this form of hers as the Red Death.

Saidra is a regular wraith in an elaborate mask who can occasionally cast one power spell (Disintegration) at pretenders. A woman forever clinging to a fantasy when the life on a farm is just as noble if not more so in many cases. The fact that she kills her subjects regularly at her parties without consequence (yet anyway), indicates she has sufficient control over her people. Still, a brave group of individuals could easily confront and expose her and I would wager that none of her subjects would interfere.

[aerospectrum]

Dean glared at Madison’s claim that he was an asshole to everyone; only that time it was shame filled and guilt ridden. He clenched his jaw again and watched her yank the hoodie from Sam while stalking away angrily. he followed after her while Sam gathered the rest of their belongings and opted to give them a bit of space; figuring he’d wait it out to see if Cas showed back up.

“Hey!” Dean wrenched the door open when she slammed it in his face. His voice was loud and stern and confident; but not in a violent way. “That’s not fair, you don’t get to make assumptions and pass final judgment off less than a handful of interactions with me. How was I supposed to know you threw it for him? He wasn’t going to win anyway he did the same trick twice and some girly ass spin, he wasn’t going to win anyway!” He argued as if it mattered. And when he remembered that it didn’t he got back to the point. “You don’t know Castiel, not like I do— you don’t get to pick his side just because he stole you snacks and asked for ice cream— you don’t know him, he’s not your best friend he’s mine!”

There was an intense jealousy that ricocheted through his voice with the way he said Cas was his friend. Slivers of it had shown at the pool; like how she’d praised Cas before he could; how she’d frog-eyed him in the water taking away Dean’s opportunity to goof off with him; how she’d thrown the game for Cas; stealing Deans chance to be the one to throw it so Cas could win instead. She took his chances with Cas away and that’s why he was mad. That much was obvious but there was no guarantee Dean would admit that, much less admit it to Madison.

Dean’s face flushed red, not with anger or embarrassment, but something else, something more complex and more than just jealousy. It was normal to have a crush on your super powerful angelic… best friend who was also a guy. It was normal! At least he told himself that. He wanted to be Castiel’s focus.. not her. But, fuck, he wanted to be Madison’s attention too. God fucking damnit. He didn’t know what he wanted. “I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings…” he clenched his jaw again, a shiver rising in his stomach, making his shoulders shake and his skin bristle.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass him; he.. I thought he told you he was an angel after you woke up. I thought he explained it to you ; I didn’t know… I wasn’t trying to hurt his feeling and be a dick. He’s… he’s always trying things and hating them; I didn’t wanna waste a trip to that place and have him hate it and have to add one more disappointment to his list of— being an angel booted from heaven cause of me. I didn’t know he wanted to try it; I just… I just didn’t want him to get his hopes up again and then shut down because it’s one more human thing he doesn’t like.

I just; wanted to protect him, even if it was just from ice cream…” he inhaled and his shoulders raised up right before he exhaled and deflated on himself. “I’m doing the best I can Madison; they’re the only two I’ve got and I’m trying to not screw that up. You don’t know Cas like I do. He.. the guy commanded army's, he had his own garrison of angels he led; he was a strategist and he’s.. hand to hand he’s unbeatable; he saved me from hell and now he’s what? Relegated to the role of backseat only younger brother who’s no good at human interaction and only eats pb&j if he’s sad? What kind of life is that for him… I’m doing the best I can.” He didn’t want to look at Madison that time, he didn’t want her to see his emotion or hear it or anything; he carefully curated the asshole persona, he didn’t need her thinking he was soft or soft on Cas either. "Forget it. sorry, i already know you don't give a fuck what I say so... doesn't matter. I'm sorry." he shook his head angrily defeated and grabbed the door, heading back out to go wait by the car in case Cas decided to show his feathery ass there.

The moment the boys started arguing, Madison regretted throwing the game. Should’ve just won & had the ice cream. Her eyes bounced between all the guys arguing & suddenly, Dean wasn’t as cute as he had been 10 minutes ago.

Her ears caught on to the way he clarified that cas WASNT human. It didn’t surprise her. She figured. She knew. But…. It did bum her that quality was being used against him. Cas seemed so nice, so lost, so curious. The gust of wind that brushed by made Madison stumble a bit & when she saw cas was gone her eyes hardened & she looked toward Dean. Angry face pulled & lip pouting.

“You know… just when I was starting to think you weren’t so bad.” Madison took Sam’s hoodie & shook her head. “I guess I should feel better knowing you’re not just an asshole to me. You’re an asshole to everyone.” She began tying her hair up in a mess bun & gathering Sam’s sweater up so she can slide into it. “Guess sam will be the one keeping me warm tonight.” She glanced at the taller man, “bed is open for you if you want it.” Then she began walk back to their room.

“And for the record…. Cas DID eat some snacks w/ me.” When she got to the door way of her room she looked over his shoulder. “And yeah, I threw the game cause I wanted him to have something fun since you’re such an asshat to him.” With that she slammed the door shut.

[autisticandroids]

Fic about Destiel dysfunction told through the framing device of Jack's future therapy sessions.

OH BOY. OH I DON'T WANNA WRITE THIS BECAUSE IT SOUNDS HARD BUT I WANNA READ IT SOOOOOOOO BAD.

wait. scratch that. i actually do have a fic that i've tossed around writing (but probably won't actually write) that's like. a sequel to "i fold in half so easily." like i won't write it because i like where that fic leaves off and i don't want to fix it in some cheap way. like i LIKE where that fic leaves off, and fixing it for any of them would cheapen it. let them all rot in self-imposed hells forever.

HOWEVER. hypothetically. if i were to do the long, grueling work of fixing at least some of the characters in that fic. well. i've thought about it.

- first off. jack has to come back. like you can't actually fix anything about i fold in half so easily if jack doesn't come back. because nothing short of jack's return would convince cas to change anything, and nothing short of making amends to jack would convince cas to like. value himself. anyway. jack comes back. he just sort of materializes near the site of kelly's cabin. he doesn't remember the last couple years because he has a sam-in-season-six style trauma wall in his head.

- anyway. jack materializes, and he just. calls cas. on a payphone. and cas is like. okay jack. stay right there. don't leave. don't call sam or dean. i'm coming to get you. and cas just. doesn't say a word to sam or dean. makes sure they don't see him leave. hops in his truck. and drives 25 hours straight to the west coast.

- he finds jack just sitting under a tree, waiting, exactly where he said he'd be. and so they hug. and cas cries. and he gets jack in the truck. they drive, and they don't talk. or cas doesn't. jack asks a fine questions, to which cas give noncommittal, monosyllabic answers. until finally jack just says i'm hungry, and cas pulls off the highway, and they go to a diner. (the exact kind of diner the winchesters would pick.)

- when the food comes, cas eats too. he doesn't usually do that, and jack is like, are you human, now? and cas is like no. what? and jack is like. you're eating. and cas is like oh. yes. i am. i don't have to do that. so he puts down his fork, and he smiles a little at jack. jack feels like this means something significant, but he doesn't know what. he's just happy to finish cas' home fries.

- eventually, jack asks about dean, and cas actually answers. he says "dean isn't our friend anymore, jack." he doesn't elaborate.

- the thing about cas is that he knows that dean has done something bad. he even partly knows what that thing is. and he knows he needs to keep dean away from jack. but he can't really name that, out loud. this is partly because he can't bring himself to speak ill of dean, even now, especially not in front of jack. it's partly because he himself cannot fully grasp the nature of the harm done: he knows that dean is a threat to jack's physical safety, that's something he can wrap his head around. but dean has also harmed cas terribly, in the emotional sense, and he has no idea how to conceptualize that, much less put it into words. furthermore, he is afraid dean might have done something similar to jack, and that terrifies him so much that he can't look at it. and lastly, cas can't bring himself to unpack his own complicity in how dean has hurt jack, especially not in front of jack. so he is rendered speechless. he can't talk about why they're not friends with dean anymore, only that they aren't. cas is extremely capable of thinking about things and is NOT trying very hard not to reconsider anything that's happened in the past five years or so

- anyway. for a few months cas and jack live in a series of cars, driving up and down the coast. cas keeps ditching them and stealing new ones. he also ditches his cellphone. this is all to keep the winchesters from tracking them, because cas is like. intensely paranoid about that. but he doesn't explain this to jack.

- anyway. after like, a few months of this. jack is like. my dad is acting really weird. he's clearly freaked out about something but he won't TALK to me. i think there are?? problems?? apparently you're supposed to work on problems in therapy. so he calls dr. vallens and makes an appointment.

- dr. vallens is like. i am a GRIEF counselor. however. since you saved my life that one time and obviously desperately need my help. and also i see my past self in you. maybe we can do weekly sessions.

- so. cas and jack settle down in wisconsin. and get therapy with dr. vallens. and horrify her with various things about their lives and relationships.

examples:

cas and jack originally getting like family therapy together but cas simply Will Not talk in front of jack so she ends up having to separate them

dr. vallens voice if you want to lessen the negative impact on jack you're going to have to say something negative to him about dean at some point. cas voice but i don't want to ruin his attachment to his father dr. vallens voice you're the one who went no contact with the winchesters. cas voice but. but.

cas confessing to his many crimes and her having to leave the room and hyperventilate

cas explaining that he doesn't really know how money works, and had to throw away his cellphone because it might have a tracking app, but doesn't know how to buy a new one, and doesn't know how to rent an apartment, and mia being like. Hm. well. hm.

dr. vallens: castiel, you're not a child- wait, actually, are you a child in angel terms? cas: angels don't have an equivalent of childhood. we were created at the beginning of time fully as we are and carefully kept at we were created, having our minds pruned of undesirable thoughts to prevent any sort of serious change dr. vallens: .......okay- cas: dean has compared me to a child many times when he was angry. perhaps i am equivalent to a child in human terms? dr. vallens: i don't think that's why he did that

cas telling mia about claire, and incidentally explaining that he's actually piloting a corpse, and mia having to go throw up

cas explaining that angels are in fact real but that they've basically wiped themselves out in civil wars over the last decade or so

eventually they ARE going to have to like. re-encounter the winchesters. because jack wants to see them, and cas can only refuse him for so long. absolutely no idea how that's going to go though.

[bloodycassian]

darkness defined - 

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep. 

[mittensmorgul]

Mittens, I know that some people are rejoicing over Castiel's vision in 12x19, but personally, I started crying when I realized that Cas gave up so much for love and faith in his family, and got teased with that vision of the future - a paradise he wanted for them, for himself - but never approximated that in the end. It's just so heartbreaking and I feel like I'm mourning him all over again and it just really sucks. Idk.

Hi hi!

The vision also hurts my heart, deeply, but maybe for slightly different reasons...

I have been suffering throughout the last few seasons over Cas's overall arc, and this vision, in that moment in 12.19, when Cas was literally (in text! from Dean's mouth!) desperate for a win, is just excruciating to me. And I'll tell you why.

in the mixtape scene, this was Cas's lament to Dean. He wanted to come back with a win FOR DEAN, and FOR HIMSELF. He wanted Dean to think of him as the "hero" or the "savior."

I will pause to ask here: since when has Dean ever wanted that? Ever since Cas gripped him tight and saved him from Hell, Cas has struggled to step out from that role of Protector. Shield.

This was the Big Mistake he made in s6, right? Everything that went wrong was framed around the fact that he was trying to "protect" Dean. This is why he bought into Crowley's plan, why he left Dean in the dark even after he got dragged back into the fight, and why everything ultimately ended with Cas's literal death. Like... the narrative judged him. In 6.20, all he was left with was Dean's disappointment, and a drive to prove that he was actually right (he was not actually right...).

Even in 12.19, he was "playing them" all along. He came back under the pretense of wanting to "rejoin the team" and work together with Sam and Dean again, but really he was only there to steal the Colt on behalf of Heaven. Cas was prepared to do whatever it took to keep Sam and Dean safe from Dagon, but also "safe" from having to kill an innocent woman to prevent the birth of the nephilim she carried.

Like in s6, Cas was desperate for that win. He was desperate to "earn" his place with the Winchesters, the family he chose. He even told Kelvin before they went in to confront Dagon that he wasn't doing this to redeem his "reputation" in Heaven, he only cared about "redeeming his reputation" with DEAN.

He has no idea that Dean does not give one flying fig about Cas's ability to "protect him," he just wants Cas to Be There With Him.

And later on, this is literally the lesson Cas attempts to impart to Jack. When Jack laments the loss of his power, and believes himself "useless," It's CAS who most effectively talks to him about the fact that nobody cares about his powers, that they don't care about what he can do FOR them. They just care about HIM. Like... even in 15.18. This is the conversation he has with Jack by the Impala while Sam and Dean are talking to Charlie:

Jack: I feel... strange. I don't know if that's because of what happened to me, if it means something, or if I just feel strange because... it's over. The plan. My destiny. I was ready to die and, I wanted to, for Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right, and now... I don't know why I'm even here.

Castiel: Jack. You never needed absolution from Sam, or Dean, or from me. We don't care about you because you're useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.

So like... for YEARS I've felt like this was what Dean needed to actually say TO CAS. That he doesn't want Cas to try to protect him. He doesn't need Cas to be his shield. He doesn't need Cas to be "powerful" or his savior. He just needs Cas.

So this vision... this "manipulation" that Jack showed Cas in that very moment in 12.19, that Cas believed was "paradise" at the time, was what Cas needed to hear in that moment. That he could be "powerful," with his wings healed and made "useful" again.

Dean thanking him.

Not Dean being happy that they're all safe, that they managed to finally "get a win," but specifically thanking HIM for actually winning.

He wanted to believe he could be useful again.

And to me that was a tragic, depressing lesson that he still never managed to understand for himself by the end of the series.

If Dean ever knew what the vision Cas had considered "paradise" in that moment of betrayal of his loved ones, I personally think Dean would've been horrified. I mean, he didn't even KNOW what the vision entailed, and was pre-horrified by his personal belief about how Cas had been manipulated into running away and leaving them all in the dark immediately after they'd all just gotten back on the same page again and recommitted to working together again.

So like... This is still DEEPLY in Cas's disturbing mindset of being 100% ready to sacrifice himself to "spare" Sam and especially Dean from having to do the hard things. This was nearly an identical mindset to when he'd said yes to Lucifer in the Cage in s11 because he believed he could spare Sam from having to do that himself. Like... he truly believed he was making Good Choices in these instances, and it ended up both times causing problems he'd never even considered. S11 had Lucifer using him and nearly killing Sam and Dean, and then going on a rampage that would last multiple seasons more which directly led to Jack in the first place. And then in the attempt to bring about Jack's birth, Cas cut off all communication with the Winchesters (theoretically to protect them) and therefore they had no way to warn him that Lucifer was still on the loose and closing in on reclaiming Jack himself. It literally ended up costing them Mary (pulled through the rift with Lucifer), Crowley sacrificed himself to stop it, and Lucifer killed Cas, all because Cas ran away and tried to fix everything on his own. He desperately wanted to be the winner, here.

So to me, I can't see him getting his wings back and being truly powerful and being "Dean's savior" and him basically thinking that Dean's acknowledgement of that salvation and Dean's gratitude was his idea of "paradise?" Yeah... it turns my stomach.

Dean... would hate it.

Dean's idea of paradise... is actual free will. Of them CHOOSING EACH OTHER, choosing family and standing shoulder to shoulder as a united front against the threats that come their way, instead of yet again making the same mistake of believing that they're sacrificing themselves to spare their loved ones from having to stand up and fight at all.

It NEVER works out that way. Never has. Never would.

I mean, this is why Cas made the deal with the Empty, trading away his own happiness for Jack, believing that Dean's happiness was in having JACK in the family. The tragic blind spot was his inability to see that Dean's happiness ALSO INVOLVED HAVING CAS THERE.

And the ultimate tragedy is that Dean never got a chance to actually say that to Cas.

Because if Cas had actually known that, he would never have made the choices he did.

Which is another reason I absolutely can't credit the end of 15.19 and Jack NOT bringing Cas back, knowing that he'd done it once before, and knowing WHY Cas sacrificed himself. Jack knew the conditions of Cas's deal, and I cannot believe that any version of JACK would have allowed that sacrifice to stand for HIM. Because it was the antithesis of everything Cas himself had ever taught to Jack.

Heck... I hope that makes sense...

basically, this should've been a jumping off point for Cas to ACTUALLY understand he was just as wanted, just as needed, just as cared for, and yes even LOVED, for who he was, and not the sacrifices he could make to protect Dean (and Sam, and Jack... but ultimately for Dean).

The fact he KNEW the moment he made that deal with the Empty that the knowledge of the details of that deal would be a "burden" to Dean, that it would be upsetting to Dean to know that Cas had literally traded away his own potential for true happiness because he thought that would be what Dean would prefer... he KNEW Dean would be upset about that. He knew Dean would NOT have wanted that, and swore Jack to secrecy about it. Like... he knew he had done the wrong thing here, or he wouldn't have hidden it from Dean.

So I have a really hard time thinking of this vision of Paradise (which is already a loaded word in itself in canon, and was literally what Dean spat out as an angry insult at Cas in 4.22 before his first true "tearing up the pages" and making it up as they go moment) as anything but a glaring warning sign.

And then oh look, Cas was literally killed for it four episodes later.

Then when he came back, he went right back to believing in his "purpose," wondering WHY he was brought back. Dean's "we needed you" wasn't really clear enough for Cas to understand that they didn't need him to "protect" them or to be "useful" to them. Dean just NEEDED him. Full stop.

It's a tragedy, folks.

[birdiefw]

LET ME SHOW YOU | SAM WINCHESTER [SMUT 18+]

Summary: Having been turned on all day, you decide you can’t wait any longer and lead somewhere more private.

Warnings: swearing, teasing, oral (female receiving), impala sex (unprotected but y’all can pretend otherwise)

A/N: It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written an imagine, and technically this one is meant for my Sam Winchester fic on Wattpad so it wasn’t intended to be an imagine, but I figured it could work as one so here it is lmao. Also, destiel is pretty much implied in this, but you’re free to see Dean and Cas however you want. I also edited this, but I apologize for any errors or if it says her/she/birdie (who is my spn oc) instead of you/your/etc!

You felt like your entire body had been set on fire without warning. Your skin was incredibly warm as you tried to remain still, feeling like your body was getting hotter and hotter despite how cold it actually was inside the bunker. Your hair was pushed back so it would stop clinging to your neck/sides of your face, your mind unable to focus on your laptop that was placed in front of you as something else was taking over all of your senses.

You were very aware of the fact that you weren’t alone in the library, twisting and pursing your lips together as you tried to ignore the rampant thoughts that kept popping into your mind every time your gaze flickered over to Sam. But, every time your eyes fell on your husband, you couldn’t help but admire his stunning features, picturing all of the sides you’d seen of him in your many years of being a couple—some of which only made the ache between your legs increase.

You bit her lip when you looked away from him again, trying to force the thoughts aside; you desperately hoped you’d be alone soon.

“Y/N?”

Your head shot up from your laptop that had started dim from your lack of actually doing anything on it in the last few minutes, eyes slightly widened as you looked across at Castiel who was sat in front of you, his bright blue eyes pinned to your features.

“What?” you asked, glancing aside at Sam and Dean who were both staring at you with confusion much like Castiel.

“We were askin’ if you found anything,” Dean said, noticing how your laptop had dimmed.

“Oh, uh, I—no. Not yet, anyways,” you answered with a heavy sigh, briefly glancing towards Sam before your eyes swiveled to Dean and then Castiel.

“Are you feeling okay?” Castiel wondered, curiously tilting his head at you. “You don’t look like you’re feeling well.”

“Thanks, Cas,” you sarcastically said, giving him a fake smile as you folded your arms over your chest and crossed your legs. “I can always count on you for a pick me up, can’t I?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, a faint frown appearing on his lips.

Sam’s lips turned into a frown, noting that you did look rather pale compared to usual. You looked slightly sweaty, eyes looking more dark than normal. You easily noticed the change in Sam’s expression, quickly shaking your head as you closed your laptop; there was no point in keeping it open, anyways. “I’m fine,” you firmly told him, giving him a look when you saw him shoot you a similar look.

“You sure?” Dean asked, curiously eyeing you from the seat next to you.

“Yes, I’m sure, Dean,” you said, flashing a perky smile on your lips as if it would assure the three men.

Dean shook his head with a small smile appearing on his lips, closing his own laptop. He could tell something was off with you, but knowing Sam wouldn’t let it go, he decided against pushing the subject. “Alright, whatever you say, Y/N,” he said. Then his eyes flickered over to Castiel, nudging his head to the side as he started to stand up from the table. “Come on, you still gotta finish watchin’ Seven.”

Castiel warmly smiled, looking at Sam and you as he stood up from the chair. “Night, guys.”

“Night, Cas,” you and Sam said in unison, smiling back at the angel.

Dean tucked his laptop under his arm, silently nodding towards his brother and you as he waited for Castiel. You and Sam quietly watched them walk away, a grin lingering on your lips until they were gone.

You let out a heavily sigh and leaned your head back, puffing out your cheeks. Sam stood up from his own chair and headed over to you, placing the back of his hand against your forehead. You jumped at the sudden touch, looking at him with wide eyes. “Fuck,” you whispered, letting out a breath of relief as you realized it was only Sam, “You almost sent me into cardiac arrest.”

Sam softly laughed, innocently raising his hands as he sat on the table, peering down at you. You shook her head as you stood up, adjusting Sam’s flannel that you wore over a pair of leggings, pushing the sleeves up to your elbows. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay, babe?” he asked, genuine concern etched on his features as you stood in front of him. “You’re pretty warm.”

You let out a sigh, glancing around to make sure Dean nor Castiel were around at the moment. “I-I’m not sick, I promise,” you said, looking at your husband. “I’m just. . .”

Sam softly gazed at you when she lowered you head, warmly smiling as he lifted his hand to you chin to make you look at him again. “Just what?”

You coyly smiled, a thought suddenly occurring to you. “Let me show you.”

The corners of Sam’s lips tweaked up into a smirk, finally noticing the look that was swirling around in your eyes. ‘I should’ve known,’ he thought to himself, already feeling himself start to grow hot with anticipation. You eagerly took his larger hand in yours, tugging him in the opposite direction of their shared bedroom.

You giddily giggled as you hurried down the narrow halls of the bunker, tugging Sam towards the garage with a devilish smirk appearing on your lips, stealing a glance behind you to make sure that Dean nor Castiel hadn’t left the room for some reason. “You don’t think they have plans to actually go anywhere tonight after their movie, do you?” You asked Sam, carefully walking with your back facing the spacious garage while your intense gaze was pinned to Sam as your warm hand still clutched his in your own.

“God I fuckin’ hope not,” Sam breathlessly replied, eyes lighting up with a rush of excitement as you guided him over to the Impala.

You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth as the two of you came up to the side of the Impala, standing beside one of the back doors as you fully faced Sam, body even warmer than before.

“Well, even if they do. . .” You softly said, trailing one of your hands up one of Sam’s buff arms, fingertips trailing up until they reached his stubbly jaw. Your eyes flickered to his, seeing his usually bright eyes had darkened a few shades as they took in your features. Your smirk instantly widened, peering up at Sam. “They’ll just have to wait.”

“Is that so?” Sam asked in a low tone, taking a few steps closer so you were pressed up against the Impala, your chests almost pressed together as he stood in front of you with his hands softly caressing your hips. “Well, how much longer are you gonna make me wait?”

“I don’t know yet,” you teased, running a few of your fingers along his bottom lip. “You were teasing me all day pretty much with your soft hair, your kissable lips. . .”

Sam darkly chuckled, a mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes as your words made his excitement increase. “Then let me make it up to you.”

You leaned forward in response, Sam quickly bending his head down to connect you lips when she moved towards him. One of your hands automatically went to his shaggy hair, gently tugging on it to elicit a low groan from Sam. You smiled with approval, feeling one of his hands go to your lower back and press your body up against his while the other went to the back of your head, fingers combing through your hair. Your soft lips parted as the kiss became more needy, giving Sam access to explore your mouth like his life depended on it.

Sam’s hand moved from your back and to the handle off to the side, quickly finding it and pulling it open with a grunt. “After you,” Sam panted.

You excitedly grinned and crawled into the backseat, seeing Sam steal a glance around the garage to make sure no one was around before climbing inside as well and closing the door behind him. You eagerly leaned forward, connecting your lips once more as your fingers started to undo the buttons of the flannel Sam wore. Sam grinned into the kiss, assisting you with removing the shirt before carelessly tossing it to the side. Then he broke apart from the kiss, discarding the plain gray shirt he’d been wearing underneath as you started to undo the buttons of the flannel you had on.

Sam reconnected your lips just as she finished unbuttoning it. You giggled, going to shrug it off until one of Sam’s hands stopped you. “Seeing you in my clothes drives me absolutely crazy. . .I wanna see you come undone with it on.”

You let out a shaky breath at his words, lowering your hands. You bit her lip and cupped his cheeks in your clammy hands, firmly kissing him. “I love you,” you told him.

Sam grinned, giving you a quick peck in return. “I love you too,” he murmured, one hand trailing down your sides, stopping along the side of your thigh as his other hand guided you to scoot back more and lay against the back of the leather seat. “And, I wanna show you. . .just how. . .much,” he gruffly said, pecking your cheek, nose, and chin as he spoke.

Your eyes fluttered closed as you sucked in a deep breath, feeling Sam kiss along your neck. “God. . .” You whispered, involuntarily bucking your hips up as one hand gripped his hair again.

“Someone’s eager,” Sam murmured against your hot skin, his hand still caressing her thigh, setting her entire body on fire even more with just a simple touch.

“Please, Sam,” you whimpered, catching his gaze.

Sam slowly moved down your body, reaching for the hem of your leggings. “Wearing a skirt today woulda made this a lot easier,” he said, causing a laugh to erupt from you as he started to tug down your skin tight leggings. You lifted your hips, helping him to discard both your leggings and panties as quick as possible. “But, they don’t show off your ass as well as these do.”

You bit her lip at his words, your heart starting to beat even faster as Sam settled himself between your legs. The corner of his lips were pulled up into a smirk, easing your legs apart with one leg settling over his shoulder and the other over the seat with your foot planted on the ground. Sam’s gaze remained locked on yours as he scooted closer, blowing on you gently. Your head instantly fell back, a gasp escaping your lips.

“I really was turnin’ you on without even touching you, huh,” Sam said, one hand caressing your inner thigh. You merely whimpered in response, lifting your head just in time to see him dive in to your center.

A loud moan escaped your lips as he expertly dragged his tongue through her heat, feeling Sam slip one arm under your leg, keeping her close. “Shit, Sam!” You gasped in pure pleasure, lips parted and brows furrowed as you sat up on her elbows, breathlessly watching him move against you core; he knew just what to do to get you even more turned on and screaming his name. He looked up at you, groaning against you when you bit her lip and leaned your head back again. “Oh, fuck!”

He swirled his tongue through your center, circling around your clit as he fastened his pace. “You’re being more quiet than usual,” Sam said in between licks, causing you to groan at the uneven pace. “Don’t want Dean or Cas to hear how gorgeous you sound?”

“I—please, Sam,” you gasped.

“What was that?” Sam asked, lightly licking at you heat.

You panted, looking at him with desperation. “Please, Sam! Fuck!”

Sam flattened his tongue against your center to give you exactly what you wanted, seeing you close your eyes in pleasure. He got a steady movement, going faster when you started to moan louder. One of your hands reached down, tightly gripping his hair as you moved against his mouth. Sam moaned against you, nearly getting off just by watching you fall apart with only the use of his skillful tongue.

“Holy fuck,” you moaned, eyes screwed shut as you felt herself getting closer and closer. Sam could tell too, fastening his pace as you tightened your grip on his hair, a loud moan erupting from your parted lips as you arched your back. “Sam! Shit, I-I—”

“I got you, baby,” Sam said, knowing you were incredibly close. “I got you.”

With those words, you came against his mouth, your loud moans filling the Impala as Sam continued to suck and lick you through your orgasm. Your grip on his hair loosened while your hips stilled against his mouth, chest rising and falling quickly as your eyes remained closed with complete bliss.

“Holy fuck,” you said after a few moments, opening your eyes when you felt Sam crawl on top of you. You wrapped your hands around his neck, bringing him in for a sloppy kiss without a second thought. He eagerly kissed you back, lowering his body so you were closer together while one of his hands traveled down between your legs.

You gasped against his mouth when his fingers slipped through you, opening your eyes to look at him. “I think it’s your turn now,” you told him, going to reach down to his pants until he shifted to sit up.

“Later,” he breathed out, starting to undo the buttons of his pants. “I just need you.”

You sat up as well, Sam’s flannel sticking to her skin even more than before, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. Your hands quickly moved to help Sam, giggling with joy as he removed his pants and boxers, kicking them off into the floor. Your eyes flickered up to his again, biting your lip. “Can I be on top?”

“Fuck yes,” Sam eagerly said, wrapping an arm around your waist to bring you to his lap without a moment to waist.

You giggled again, looking down at his hard member as you straddled his waist. “Someone sure is excited.”

“Hard not to be when I just watched you get off on my tongue,” Sam replied in a gruff voice, his eyes sparkling as he looked up at you, not just with lust, but also pure love.

You whimpered at that, reaching down and giving him a few strokes. You watched Sam’s eyes flutter close at your gentle touch, lips parting with a breathy moan; you got turned on by his reactions just as much as Sam did with you. You shifted slightly, lining yourself up with him before slowly sinking down.

Your and Sam’s moans filled the Impala at the feeling, Sam’s hands automatically going to grip your waist as he filled you up. Sam bit his lip with anticipation, waiting for you to make sure it was okay to move before he did anything. You leaned forward slightly, planting your hands on Sam’s chiseled chest, starting to move against him as you locked eyes with him.

“Fuuuuck,” Sam groaned, his nails digging into your hips as you slid up and down. “Just like that, baby.”

“I’ve wanted to do this since this morning,” you breathlessly admitted, fastening your pace. You and Sam moaned again, your nails scratching at his chest as you moved your hands up and down his body. Sam loudly groaned at the sensation, thrusting up to meet your movements, making you cry out with pleasure.

“God, I love you so fucking much,” Sam panted, his eyes rolling back as you leaned down and gave attention to his neck. “So fucking perfect.”

You moaned as well, connecting your lips in a messy kiss while Sam’s thrusts got faster. “Fuck. . .” You whispered, “I love you too. . .so so fucking much.”

“Shit, Y/N,” Sam moaned as you nipped at his dampened neck, hands running up and down his abs.

“Faster, baby,” you whispered into his ear, heart beating faster as you and Sam got closer.

Sam grunted, tightening his grip on you as he picked up the pace. You started to lose her own rhythm, your hips shaking as you rode him, your orgasm growing closer and closer. “Sam, I’m. . .”

Sam lurched forward, pulling you further into his lap with your bare chest pressed against his own, the flannel pushed back and exposing your entire chest to him. His hips moved up into you as he hungrily kissed you again, his tongue dominating yours while his hands moved to cradle the back of your head.

Sam grunted, his forehead resting against yours as the Impala rocked back and forth, no doubt making it obvious what was going on inside if anyone were to enter the garage.

You meekly whimpered, feeling the knot in your stomach getting closer to finally snapping. “Sam!” You loudly moaned, many swear words and the repeat of his name getting drowned out as Sam pressed his mouth to yours again. Your hands went to his cheeks, holding him closer while Sam’s orgasm got closer and his fingers gently tugged on your hair. His hips smacked against yours faster, the sound filling the steamy Impala alongside your loud moans. You clenched around him as you came, making Sam groan into your mouth as he came seconds after you.

You pulled apart after a few moments, resting your clammy foreheads together as you finally started to catch your breaths, you still sat in Sam’s lap and his hands in your hair.

You warmly smiled as you locked eyes with Sam, his lips curling into a grin as his dimples poked out as well. “Maybe I should tease you more often, huh?” Sam asked.

You softly laughed, playfully rolling your eyes as you moved your hands to rest them on his damp shoulders. “You could, but two can play at that game, babe.”

“Is that a challenge?” Sam taunted.

You playfully narrowed your eyes, running a hand up and down one of his arms like you were in deep thought. “No, because you and I both know you would lose the first day.”

Sam breathed out a laugh, tilting his head. “Says the one who almost couldn’t wait till we were alone.”

You simply shrugged, a small smirk starting to appear on your lips. “Today I couldn’t,” you said, gently pushing him back down on the seat. Sam’s eyes slightly widened, brows raising. “But you just looked extra sexy and handsome today. You, on the other hand, can hardly keep your hands to yourself when you’re horny.”

“That’s not true,” Sam protested, going to speak again until you moved your hips, causing his head to fall back with pleasure.

You proudly smirked at his reaction, peering down at him. “Tell you what—let’s go again, and if you manage not to touch me, we can do that challenge.”

Sam breathed out a faint laugh, smirking back at you. “As long as you’re okay with not touching me. But, you and I both know that’ll be even harder for you than me.”

“We’ll see about that,” you said, moving your hips again.

Sam let out a shaky breath, gazing up at you as his hands returned to your hips. “Yeah, we will.”

———

A/N: Feel free to leave some feedback or send me some requests!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

[rainbow-shine]

the odyssey of labels, pins and acceptance

@spnprideweek's day 1: coming out/flags

Here’s the thing.

Dean didn’t exactly come out to anyone. And that wasn’t his fault, not entirely at least. After all, he spent much of his life denying the existence of that part of himself, that by the time he could finally begin to accept that what he felt wasn’t as bad as his father always wanted him to believe, well, it no longer seemed necessary to go through an experience that was aimed mainly at teenagers.

Also, Dean didn't need a label to know that he was totally and utterly in love with a man. Dean had accepted his feelings for Cas, at least on a subconscious level, long before he even began to come to terms with his sexuality.

Besides, all the people he cared about knew to some degree that he wasn’t straight (being married to an angel in a man's body hardly left any room for doubt) and he finally felt comfortable in his own skin, without having to prove anything to anyone and without having a script to follow. He had finally gotten off the hamster wheel and something as insignificant as having to label himself wasn’t going to ruin his much-deserved happiness, thank you very much.

Or so he thought until he saw those stupid pins.

Cas had texted him in the middle of his shift at the workshop complaining that he needed more seeds from a flower that grew specifically during this time of year and Dean who since their relationship began after a very epic interdimensional rescue was simply unable to deny his angel anything, ended up making a quick stop at the store after work.

And that's when he saw them.

In any other circumstance Dean probably wouldn’t have noticed them, but considering that it was june and apparently this month was important for the LGTB community, next to the checkout there were a series of pins representing the flags of the different sexual orientations. Dean watched them for a second, wondering which flag would be the one for him before forcing himself out of stupor, paying for the seeds that Cas needed and practically running towards the store's exit.

What did it matter which flag would be the one for him? It's not like at some point he has even bothered to think of a label that he feels comfortable with. Furthermore, he was no longer a teenager discovering the world for the first time and taking pride in sharing with the world who he really was. His chance for that had already passed.

But had he really pass it? Dean remembers a vague conversation he overheard of Claire and Jody about how there wasn't an age to try to figure out who you are and that it was okay to even spend years trying.

Dean had always known that he was attracted to women, with their soft curves and charming smiles. But he also had to admit that on more than one occasion he had been curious about men with strong arms, a stubble brushing against his face and a deep voice.

(Though now that he thought about it, his current thoughts regarding his attraction to men may have been biased because of Cas.)

By the time Dean arrived at the small house he shared with Cas and occasionally with Jack (the fact that your son was god is more or less as if he was studying abroad and only came home for the holidays), the subject had completely ruined his good mood and he knew he had to do something about it before Cas looked at him with his bright blue eyes full of concern and started asking questions that Dean still had no answers for.

"Here are the seeds," was the first thing Dean said when he entered the house and found Cas sitting on the couch, fully focused on a book. With an involuntary smile curving his lips, Dean approached his husband and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead in greeting, his previous thoughts almost completely forgotten.

“Did you have a good day?” Cas asked, giving him a soft smile and tilting his head slightly in a clear invitation that Dean didn't even bother to resist, connecting their lips in a brief kiss.

"Yeah" Dean replied, kissing his husband a second time to erase the frown of concern that had taken over Cas' expression at his unconvincing response before heading up to the bathroom to take a shower and start making dinner.

Following his routine helped Dean ignore his little crisis in the store and by the time he was playfully hitting Cas with the spoon to stop his husband from stealing more pieces of cheese that were meant to melt above the pasta, the subject had been all but forgotten.

But see, Cas wasn’t only his husband, he was also his best friend and probably the person who knew him best in the whole wide world, so when they were both laying in bed, preparing to sleep until their respective alarms woke them up, Dean must have expected that the subject would resurface.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas asked, sounding so genuinely concerned that Dean couldn't help but lean in to capture his lips in a soft kiss. When the kiss ended, Dean spent a few seconds trying to organize his thoughts so that he could answer honestly.

"It's stupid," he decided to say, if he couldn't pretend he was okay, he would at least try to get them to ignore the subject.

"Nothing you can say is stupid," Cas murmured, placing a series of quick kisses on his face. Then, with an amused smile taking over his lips, he added: “Well, except when you say that western movies are actually good”.

“They are!”

"Whatever you say, dear".

Knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to look at Cas in the face as he made this stupid confession, Dean pulled his husband's body more firmly against him before hiding his face in the curve of Cas’ neck, breathing in the soothing scent of cotton and sunshine that was just Cas to calm down.

"I think…" Dean began, clearing his throat to force his voice to formulate the words. He had absolutely no idea why this was so difficult for him. “I think I’m bisexual".

Now, Dean had expected many reactions from Cas: from the typical "duh" as it was obvious that Dean had to be something other than straight to be in a relationship with a man, to an overwhelming and emotional reaction like the ones that he had seen on TV, or even an indifferent or confused reaction.

Dean hadn't expected this.

Cas held him tighter for a few seconds before slightly pulling away from him, cradling his face in his hands and gazing at him with the deepest adoration anyone could ever feel. Cas gave him a soft smile before leaning in to capture his lips in a tender kiss with which he seemed to want to convey all his love for him.

"Thank you," Cas said, surprising Dean even more. “Thank you for trusting me with this part of you”.

And that was it.

Dean felt like a weight that he didn’t even know he was carrying was lifted from his back and, although he would deny it to the grave, he felt his eyes water at the sudden wave of love he felt for the man in his arms.

The next time he was in the store, Dean didn't even hesitate before buying the pin of the pink, purple and blue striped flag.

[imagineteamfreewill]

Imagine Robbing Dean’s Cabin

Pairing: Robber!Reader x Dean

Word Count: 1,510

Warnings: None

Square Filled: Robber!Reader

Summary: The reader finds what she thinks to be the perfect hit, but it turns out to be less than perfect.

A/N: This is a submission for the 2020-2021 SPN AU Bingo (@spnaubingo​). Please let me know what you think, and enjoy!

X

_______________

“Perfect,” you murmured, and you shifted on the tree branch to get a better look at the cabin. It was empty, just like it had been for the past three months, which made it the perfect hit. You’d been craving a good robbery ever since you’d gotten into town. You were supposed to be getting out of the life, but old habits die hard.

Silently, you climbed down from your perch and slipped between the shadows of the massive fir trees. The ground was blanketed with fallen pine needles and you sent up a prayer of thanks. They kept your footsteps quiet, making it easier to sneak towards your mark, not that that mattered when the cabin hadn’t been used in months.

You were halfway through the kitchen window in the back of the house—some idiot had left it unlocked—when the light flipped on. A man was standing in the doorway, and he had a gun trained on you. It had been a long time

“How do you feel about cops?” he asked, his voice low.

You inhaled sharply, frozen in place as you frantically tried to figure out the best way out of this. You could back out of the window and risk being shot while you tried to escape, or you could climb the rest of the way in and face the man head-on.

“They’re not my favorite,” you finally responded after he raised an eyebrow at you. Slowly, you lowered yourself onto the kitchen counter.

“Me neither,” he replied. He cocked the gun and you glanced towards the nearby door. It led out onto the back porch, which was a straight shot into the thickest part of the forest. If you could only make it there, you had a pretty good chance of coming out of this unscathed.

He gestured with the gun towards the plain kitchen table nearby. When you didn’t move, he took a step towards you and his upper lip curled as he growled out, “Sit.”

Your mouth grew dry and you swallowed hard as you crossed the short distance between you and the nearest chair. It creaked when you lowered yourself into it.

“What’s your name?” the man asked. When you didn’t answer, his jaw clenched and his eyes flickered dangerously. “What’s your—“

“Amy,” you murmured.

“Bullshit.”

You stared at him, pressing your lips together. Who did he think you were, an idiot? No one with any common sense would give their real name after being caught in the middle of robbing a house.

“Listen, I’m not in a good mood, so you’d better stop lying to me. I’m not a person you want to make angry,” he ground out. Though the kitchen was well illuminated, his face was still half in the shadow provided by the hallway, and you suppressed a shiver as fear slid into the back of your mind.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you or anything,” you told him. “I was just gonna take a look around, see if there was anything of value. If you let me go, I promise I won’t come back. You’ll never see me again.”

“There’s nothing valuable here.”

“Great, then let me—“

“No. Stand up,” he ordered. You stayed in your seat until he stepped closer and held the gun to your head.

“Whoa, hey!” you cried, but you got to your feet. This was not turning out the way you’d hopped and your heart was thundering in your chest as the man led you towards the living room. He turned on that light too, then prodded you towards a faded couch against the main wall. You sunk down onto the middle cushion and stared up at him, holding your breath.

“I’m not gonna hurt you if you cooperate,” he told you, and you nodded weakly, exhaling heavily. “Do you do this often? Rob people?”

You shook your head, then thought better of it and murmured, “Not recently.”

“Explain.”

Taking a deep breath, you clutched your hands together and tried to keep your voice from shaking as you told him about the man who’d first coerced you to help him rob someone, and then how it had become something of an addiction. You hadn’t been able to go more than a few days without sneaking into someone’s house or a business to find something that would give you the same adrenaline rush. After a close call that left you in the hospital and your partner six feet under, you’d moved to the tiny town of Evergreen Falls, Montana. You’d been hoping it would be the perfect place to recuperate and find a new hobby, but you’d been wrong. You’d seen this cabin and it had only worsened the itch that nothing seemed to scratch.

“So what was your plan, exactly? You’d just rob me and then go back to living your cute little life in town, and everything would be great? You wouldn’t feel the need to steal anything else ever again?”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were an expert,” you scoffed. If you were being honest, that had been the plan, but when he put it the way he did, you realized that you’d been stupid. Of course you wouldn’t have been able to go back to living a normal life after robbing this place. You would’ve gotten the buzz of adrenaline back and never wanted anything else ever again. Nothing could replace it. You’d tried.

The man stared at you for another moment before the corner of his lips quirked up in a smile. Silently, he uncocked the gun, flipped on the safety, and tucked it under his shirt.

“What if I told you I had a business proposal for you?”

“I don’t typically do business with people who hold me at gunpoint,” you said, keeping your arms crossed over your chest. “And definitely not after they mock me. I know I don’t make the best life decisions, but I don’t need people making fun of me for them.”

He kept silent and stared at you intently, and you shifted uncomfortably under his steady gaze. Finally, you uncrossed your arms and got to your feet.

“Can I go or are you gonna shoot me if I try to leave?” you asked.

He shrugged. “Don’t tell me you aren’t at least curious. You rob places for the adrenaline, right? I can promise you that the rush is ten times better in my line of business, and you actually help people.”

You hesitated, glancing between him and the front door. He was right—you were curious. Quietly, you sized the man up. He was broad-shouldered and he stood tall, and the way he moved stealthily as he walked proved that he was used to sneaking around. You hadn’t even noticed his presence in the cabin until he’d announced himself, and you’d been watching the place on and off for months now. A big part of you wanted to know how he’d managed that, even if you didn’t end up doing business with him. You were an observant person and not much got past you.

“Alright,” you said. “I’ll bite. What is this business proposal?”

“I need someone to help me take something,” he replied.

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously, or you wouldn’t be talking to the person who just tried to rob you. What exactly would you need my help with and why should I help you?”

He glanced towards the kitchen and you waited patiently. Clearly, the man was caught between telling you some sort of lie and telling you the whole truth. 

“My brother and I need to break into a museum and steal a painting.”

“Is it a money thing? A kinky thing?”

His ears turned red. “What? No!”

“Then what is it? Are you thieves? Is someone paying you to bring it to them?”

He shook his head and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “We have to destroy it. If we don’t, more people are going to get hurt.”

You raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms over your chest again. This guy was crazy. “Right.”

“I know it sounds bad—”

“Oh, do you? Good, I was worried you didn’t!”

He sighed again. The man looked up towards the ceiling for a long moment, mumbling to himself before finally saying, “Sit down. I’ve gotta give you the talk if you’re ever gonna take this seriously.”

“I’ve already had the talk, thanks. My parents were pretty specific when it came to the whole birds-and-the-bees thing.”

“It’s a different talk. Just sit down, alright?” He gestured to the couch behind you. 

After a moment of thought, you reluctantly lowered yourself back down again. The man took a seat in a worn green chair that faced the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning towards you.

“Promise me you’ll wait until I’m done to ask any questions,” he said, and you stared blankly at him in response. “Just promise?”

“Fine, I promise.”

“Okay. So my brother and I, we work together…”

_______________

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[bourbonbees]

Suptober Day 24- Movie Character Mischief

Halloween Heroes and Hijinks

Summary: Dean, Cas, and Jack host a Halloween party at the bunker. Jack picks the costumes, which much to Dean's chagrin includes him in full body spandex. Cas wears a coordinating costume, but it's definitely not a couple's costume, or is it? Sam and Eileen decide to take matters into their own hands and help make Captain America and Bucky Barnes a thing, Halloween hijinks ensue!

Read below the cut or on Ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34709839

“Cas, you sure you ordered the right size. This suit is really riding up my ass.” Dean groans as he steps out of his room, pulling at his costume self-consciously. Against his wishes, he finds himself dressed in a Captain America costume. After a month’s long binge of all the Marvel movies, Jack picks their costumes. He’s become obsessed with Spider-Man, so the obvious progression, at least in Jack’s mind, was that he would be Spider-Man for Halloween. Dean and Cas will match with their own Marvel costumes, of course. Dean only wishes he could have gotten a character with a little less spandex involved.

“I think it looks nice, fits you well.” Cas smiles, sitting at the table in the war room and struggling to put on eyeliner.

“Well thanks, I guess. For what it’s worth, you actually make a pretty great Bucky,” Dean compliments, sitting next to Cas and watching him. His eyes trail over the leather jacket, then the fake metal arm, and finally on his eyes, their blue intensified by the smudged eyeliner.

It’s been three months since Dean rescued Cas from the empty, and in that time they’ve yet to discuss Cas’ parting words. It’s not that Dean doesn’t want to, he just doesn’t know how. He’s always been terrible with words and even worse with his emotions. But lately, he feels like he’s getting closer, he knows how he feels. He loves Cas, in the way he’s always been afraid to admit. He’s ridiculously attracted him, even with the smudged eyeliner.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Cas tries in a gruff tone that makes Dean feel a certain type of way, a way that is dangerous given how little his costume leaves to the imagination.

“That was, uh- that was pretty good buddy. You been practicing?” Dean laughs nervously, pouring himself a glass of whiskey and taking a long sip, hoping it can give him the strength to not just jump Cas right then and there.

“Oh no, I’ve just watched that one a few times. It’s my favorite. I like the story, you know. Two best friends, overcoming all the odds. Reminds me of us.” Cas smiles, setting the eyeliner down on the table, stealing Dean’s glass and taking a sip.

“You can get your own, you know.” Dean chuckles, licking his lips and watching the movement of Cas’ throat as he swallowed the liquor easily.

“But I like sharing with you. No secrets between friends, right?” Cas corners, raising a brow at Dean and sliding the glass back in his direction. “You’d tell me if you had a secret, wouldn’t you Dean?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.

“Yeah, I would. I will. When I’m ready.” Dean fumbles, raising the glass and downing the rest of his drink, he’s going to need a lot more alcohol to make it through the night.

“Well I hope you’re ready soon.” Cas nods, standing behind Dean and gently squeezing his shoulders. “You seem tense, everything okay?” he checks, giving him a gentle message while checking him for aches or pains.

“Yeah, just lots of people coming. Also, Sam never really got to go to parties when we were younger, I want to make this right for him.” Dean only lies a little, since Sam is really looking forward to the party and he does want it to go well, however he leaves out the part where he’s planning to confess his feelings for Cas tonight.

“Hi, dads!” Jack interrupts, doing a slight hop into the room and throwing his arm out and pretending to shoot webs at them both. His costume is a little short, a sliver of his ankles showing, it’s endearing given he is after all an oversized toddler.

“Hey don’t shoot.” Cas laughs as he stops touching Dean’s shoulders. “You look good Jack. Very heroic, hold on, I have something for you.” He compliments, holding up a finger for Jack to wait and stepping into the kitchen. Cas returns with an orange plastic pumpkin shaped bucket, filled with candy.

“Is that nougat?” Jack beams, reaching for the bucket and nearly succeeding in snatching it before Cas pulls it away, holding it just out of reach.

“You’re forgetting something. You told me you wanted to go trick or treating, I know you’re disappointed that you look too old to do so in the traditional sense. So, this is my way of making it happen. Now, what do you say?” Cas chuckles, giving Jack an expectant look.

“Please?” Jack tries, furrowing his brows.

“No kid, it’s trick or treat. You knock on the door and you say, trick or treat.” Dean laughs fondly, walking over to Jack and patting him on the back.

“But I’m already inside, what door should I knock on?” Jack asks, looking around the bunker.

“You don’t have to knock, just say it.” Dean sighs, shaking his head at the kid.

“Oh, okay. Trick or treat?” Jack tries, grinning widely when Cas hands him the bucket of candy.

“Now, don’t go eating that all at once. You’ll make yourself sick and I will not use my grace to heal you if you do,” Cas warns, shaking his head as Jack already shoves two bite size candy bars into his mouth at once.

“I won’t,” Jack mumbles around the mouthful of chocolate and nougat.

“What do we still have to do?” Cas asks, picking up a roll of orange crepe paper and starting to drape it off the staircase. He reaches up, a sliver of his bare stomach exposed by the motion and causing Dean to choke a bit.

“Uh, well, that. Yeah finish the decorations,” Dean manages to get out, shaking his head to snap himself out of it. It’s pathetic really, he’s a grown man but Cas makes him feel like a hormonal teenager sometimes. He wants to take him to dark corner and kiss him senseless, but that’s for later, for now he has a party to set up. “And I’ll finish the food. I have the little mummy hot dog things to take out of the oven and the cupcakes Jack helped me make to set up,” he adds, his eyes wandering to Cas’ ass, taking advantage of the fact that his back was turned to him.

“I can start the music, I put the songs you suggested on a playlist. Even the Ghostbusters song, though I still argue it’s a poor representation of the hunting profession,” Cas says proudly as he grabs Dean’s laptop and goes to open it.

“Oh no, I’ll do that.” Dean gasps, his eyes going wide, remembering that before he’d gone to sleep last night he was deep in a google search rabbit hole on, “how to tell your best friend you’re in love with them,” along with “how to come out as bisexual.” He grabs the laptop, hoping he’s fast enough, though he knows it’s likely Cas saw at least one of the tabs.

“I’ll get the cupcakes,” Jack mumbles as he shoves a handful of skittles into his mouth, chuckling a bit at Dean, whose cheeks have gone bright pink.

“Sorry, wasn’t trying to intrude. I know I tend to struggle with, what’s it that you call them? Boundaries?” Cas apologizes, stepping back and letting Dean open the playlist. “I didn’t see anything, by the way.” He’s lying, Dean knows he’s lying because he’s pointedly not making eye contact.

“Thanks.” Dean nods, his entire face feeling hot as he closes the document he started, ramblings and about ten different love confessions he drafted, all deleted with one click. He opens the playlist and hands the laptop back to Cas before disappearing into the kitchen.

Cas is finishing up with a roll of black crepe paper, the Monster Mash playing through the speakers in the bunker when Sam and Eileen arrive. He laughs when he spots them, because Sam is dressed in white robe, carrying a staff, and wearing a terrible fake long grey wig and beard. “Gandalf?” he says with an amused expression.

“Yup! Hey, you’re getting better this, the movie stuff,” Sam says proudly, stopping when Eileen nearly trips down the stairs on her comically large fake feet.

“Frodo?” Cas guesses, meeting them at the bottom of the stairs and helping Eileen down the last two steps.

“Yeah, the feet are a bit much. Is this what you feel like all the time?” Eileen signs at Sam, making Cas laugh.

“My feet aren’t that big.” Sam chuckles, rolling his eyes at Eileen. “I could ask you the same, is this what you feel like all the time? Hobbit,” he counters, patting the top of her head.

“I’m not short, I’m fun sized,” she says, holding up a little candy bar and eating it with a smirk.

“Everyone looks short compared to you. Dumbledork,” Dean announces as he walks a tray of hot dogs wrapped in pastry to look like mummies balanced on his hand.

“It’s Gandalf to you, jerk.” Sam scoffs, stealing one of the hot dogs and munching on it vindictively.

“Whatever, White Bitch of Narnia.” Dean teases.

“Dean, that’s a great costume. You make a good Captain America,” Eileen says genuinely, easing a bit of Dean’s insecurity.

“That is America’s ass,” Cas quotes, sending Dean a wink.

“Excuse me, what. Are you objectifying me?” Dean tries to cover up, not wanting Cas to know that with a single movie quote, he’s managed to turn him into a pile of goo internally.

“More like America’s dumbass.” Sam interjects, looking at Cas then at Dean, then giving Eileen a knowing glance.

“And Cas, you’re Bucky. You know, lots of people see Steve and Bucky as a romantic pairing. There’s a large portion of the Marvel fandom that even say that Steve might be bisexual.” Eileen adds, gesturing between the pair.

“Interesting. I was thinking along the lines that I can relate to Bucky. Being rebellious, being brainwashed, and you know, with him to the end of the line.” Cas shrugs, serving cups of punch to Sam and Eileen.

“Yeah buddy, to the end of the line.” Dean nods, turning away to hide the stupid big grin on his face.

“And what about me Eileen? Don’t you like my costume?” Jack asks, walking in with his tray full of cupcakes, they’re red velvet with gummy vampire fangs sitting on top of the cream cheese frosting.

“Love it, Spider-Man! It’s actually kind of perfect for you. Our very own boy genius!” Eileen signs, giving Jack a hug once he set down the cupcakes.

“Claire!” Jack says excited when the bunker door swings open, Claire, Kaia, Donna, and Jody stepping inside.

“I feel like we missed the memo,” Sam says, gesturing to Claire and Kaia who are also dressed in Marvel costumes, Black Widow and Hawkeye respectively.

“Jack texted us, insisted we join in the group costume,” Claire explains, itching at her head. “This wig is so itchy, you’re lucky you’re my favorite little brother,” she adds, stealing a piece of candy from Jack’s trick or treat bucket.

“Only little brother! Which is why I will let you take two more pieces of my candy.” Jack offers, holding out the bucket.

“Deal.” Claire nods, handing Kaia a packet of Starbursts.

“Nice couples costumes. I love Stucky.” Kaia nods, gesturing to Cas and Dean.

“What, it’s not. It’s, it’s not like that.” Dean stammers, tripping over an extension cord and letting out a yelp when Cas catches him.

“He means, thank you.” Cas offers, resting his hand on Dean’s lower back for just moment to long. Dean leans in a bit and considers for a moment if he should just kiss him and get it over with. He doesn’t get the chance though, as Cas lets him go, leaving to greet Jody and Donna who are dressed as Thelma and Louise.

“Awesome.” Dean chuckles, taking a moment to compose himself.

“Dude, just kiss him already. You’re dressed in full body spandex. So, I know you’re completely whipped. And everyone else knows too, except for you, old man,” Claire mutters to Dean, bumping her hip against his.

“I’ll have you know this is comfortable. Might sleep in it tonight.” Dean huffs, leaning against the table awkwardly as he watches Cas chat excitedly with Jody and Donna.

“Is Cas okay with that. Does the leotard stay on during sex?” Eileen joins the conversation, wiggling her brows at Dean.

“Sex, huh? Who, me and Cas. Uh, no. I mean, no we don’t have sex.” Dean is suddenly interested in being anywhere but in this conversation. Sure, he’s imagined what it’d be like, sex with Cas, more than once, but he doesn’t need anyone else to know that.

“If you don’t tell him soon, I will. This is just gross.” Claire groans, pulling Kaia toward the punch bowl as out from the conversation.

“I’m with her, if you don’t tell him tonight, I’ll make it happen. I have my ways,” Eileen teases, pushing Dean toward Cas.

“What are you up to?” Thankfully Sam intervenes, wrapping his arms around Eileen and kissing the top of her head, his long fake beard covering her face.

“Hey! You’re suffocating me with your beard.” Eileen sputters, picking some of the long hairs out of her mouth as she turns around. “Never grow a beard for real. Please,” she adds, pulling him down in for a kiss, giggling when beard tickles her chin.

“And that’s my cue to walk away,” Dean mutters, making his way to the makeshift bar he’s set up and pouring himself a drink.

The party gets into full swing once Dean makes the executive decision to spike the punch. Sam gets fairly tipsy and decides to attempt to teach everyone the thriller dance. Dean laughs so hard that punch comes out of his nose. Sam looks ridiculous, like Frankenstein’s terribly uncoordinated monster. It turns into an all-out dance party after that, everyone turning the war room into a dance floor.

Dean joins Cas, the punch warming him up a bit and making him feel a bit braver than usual. Cas is a terrible dancer and nearly smacks Dean in the face when he does an enthusiastic noodle armed dance to the Monster Mash. When the song switches to something slower, he moves away to go refill their drinks but is stopped by a hand on his arm.

“Dance with me?” Cas asks, looking down at his hand shyly, offering Dean the chance to take the easy route and accept the dance.

“I’ve got two left feet, you wouldn’t want that. I’d step all over your toes with these stupid boots.” Dean panics, biting his lip and gazing down at Cas’ hand. He wants to take it so badly, but for some reason he just can’t. “Sorry.” He frowns, walking away and going to drown his sorrows with a shot of bourbon. He feels stupid for rejecting Cas, but he just can’t seem to get past the mental block that’s stopping him from getting what he wants. He wants Cas.

Sam and Eileen seem to notice something is amiss, and they whisper to each other as they dance, it seems almost conspiratorial. Dean is a little worried, he knows Sam is pretty good at plotting on his own, but with Eileen was freaking lethal in the way of plotting.

Once the slow song ends, Sam turns down the music and stands in front of the drink table with a beer bottle in his hand. “So as many of you know, Dean and I missed out on a lot of the typical teenage experiences. Our son, Jack, also has missed out on a lot of that. So, to recreate that experience, I propose we play spin the bottle!” he announces, hiccupping part way through his speech, clearly crossing the threshold from tipsy to drunk.

“But I don’t want to kiss any of you!” Jack calls out, a confused expression on his face. “Claire says this is a kissing game,” he adds before Eileen waves at him and makes a gesture to Cas and Dean and then makes a kissy face. “Oh, you know what. I change my mind. I suppose I could kiss you all on the cheek,” he corrects before whispering something to Claire, who grins knowingly.

“Sam, this is weird,” Dean complains as he joins the group sitting in a circle on the floor.

“Shut up, you go first,” Sam instructs, sliding Dean the empty beer bottle.

“Fine, but only if it means I’m done with this.” He sighs, setting the bottle on the floor and giving it a spin. It lands on Donna. She makes her way across the circle and hesitates before kissing Dean on the forehead.

“Sorry kid, you’re like a son to me,” Donna says fondly, Jody nodding in agreement.

“No offense taken here. Relieved if I’m honest.” Dean smiles, sipping his drink and somehow finding himself locking eyes with Cas, his blue eyes somehow even more piercing with the smudged eyeliner framing them. He allows himself to stare a bit, his gaze naturally slipping to Cas’ lips. He wonders for a moment how they would feel, they look soft. He imagines that Cas is a good kisser.

“Cas, you’re up,” Sam instructs pushing the bottle toward him.

“I don’t understand the point of this game. It feels like a way to avoid just kissing the person you want to kiss. It’s silly, looking for some bottle to bring you together when you could just do it.” Cas is annoyed, he finds Dean in the circle and glares at him a bit, leaving him feeling exposed. Cas sets the bottle on the floor and gives it a halfhearted spin, it lands on Sam.

“Well, looks like I finally get to explore the nuances of Sastiel,” Sam teases, leaning in toward Cas. He gets closer and closer, until finally something snaps inside Dean. It takes him a moment to realize what he’s feeling, he’s jealous. His brother is nearly kissing Castiel, his Castiel. He jumps up and before he can stop himself he’s between the pair, pushing Sam back with a firm hand.

“No. You can’t. He’s mine.” Dean breaks, Sam immediately laughing at him and holding his hands up in surrender.

“I’m yours?” Cas asks curiously, causing all the blood to rush to Dean’s head.

Before he can second guess what he’s doing, Dean turns around and presses his lips to Cas’ mouth. It’s awkward and messy, both of them laughing, but eventually they find a middle ground and kiss each other softly.

“Finally!” Jody cheers, Donna, Sam, and Eileen joining her.

“Get a room!” Claire adds, Dean giving her the finger in response.

“Does this mean I don’t have to kiss anyone?” Jack asks hopefully.

“Yeah, you’re off the hook, kid.” Dean nods as he pulls away, Cas grabbing at his suit and trying to pull him back in. “Save some for later. Take it slow pal.” He chuckles, resting their foreheads together.

“Slow, it’s been years, pal. I think I’ve taken it plenty slow enough,” Cas replies, stealing another kiss.

“Fuck it.” Dean laughs, taking Cas by the hand and leading him down the hall toward his room.

“Use protection!” Sam calls after them.

“Shut up, Harry Potter.” Dean smirks, glancing over his shoulder.

“It’s Gandalf,” Sam and Eileen reply in unison.

That night, Dean finally confesses to Cas that he loves him too and they make up for all the lost time. It’s when they’re lying together a couple hours later, their naked bodies entwined, that he decides three things, one, Halloween is his favorite holiday, two, Steve and Bucky were definitely a thing, and three, he’s never wearing spandex again.

[txylorwrjtes]

Give me attention

Request: hi i hope you’re doing well :D i haven’t watched supernatural in FOREVER but somehow i managed to dream about dean yesterday .... isn’t that funny? anyways, i miss dean and i was hoping u could do a x reader with him! just a cute fluff jealous dean if that’s alright :D i really wanna laugh and at the same time gush 😊 By: @malfoys-demigod​ I hope you enjoy(:

Pairing: Dean x reader

Summary: Y/N has been spending more of her time with Miracle, and Dean isn’t having any of it.

Warning(s): Fluff, little bit of humor, little bit of language, spoilers for season 15 if you haven’t watched yet.

Ever since Miracle had been let into the bunker, you were a mushy gushy mess. It wasn’t every day that you were able to see a dog, and with the life you and the Winchester brothers were living, it wasn’t safe for a pet to be roaming around your home. But with Chuck now gone, and the monsters were rarely popping up, your husband, Dean, seemed to have been a little relaxed about having one. He never seemed like an animal person over the years that you’ve known him, so you were a little surprised when this four legged fur baby came running in with a wagging tail and a smile on its face. Your new dog was even able to sleep on the bed, right in between you and the older Winchester. 

That was, until your husband found you growing really attached to the dog. Your cuddles with him would be only for a short amount of time, right up until your dog would come scratching on your closed door, signaling for you to let him in. You would do it, even after being asked not to, and you’d go right to giving all of your attention to him. Dean would never dare say anything, though. He knew how much you loved dogs, and how often you’ve dreamt of having one. Just seeing the smile on your face whenever you were petting Miracle was enough to keep him going through the day. 

But he decided that enough was enough when your anniversary had rolled around. You might’ve gone out to eat and sat on the hood of his car while you watched as the sun went down, but the second you got back home, your attention was back to the dog. Dean wanted to end the night loving up on you, but instead he came into your shared bedroom only to find that you were sitting on the floor with Miracle, teaching him all kinds of tricks. 

“Good job, buddy!” You praised him when he had done one of his tricks correctly; shaking paws. Sure, it wasn’t much, but it sure was enough for you to feed him a treat and give him a good belly rub while you continued on with your praise in the baby voice you’d always use when you spoke to him. “Who’s a good boy?” You asked him, your lips stretching into the widest smile when you could see one of his own. “You are! You’re a good boy!”

With narrowed eyes, Dean folded his arms over his chest and quietly huffed. Damn dog is stealing my girl. Was he really jealous of a dog? Of course he was. But he wasn’t going to admit to that. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Your husband finally spoke up after a couple of minutes of just lingering in the doorway. He never caught your attention at first, up until now. You stopped petting Miracle for a moment and raised a brow up at him. “Sammy isn’t doing too well.. You know, his depression has been bad today.” He lied to you. 

And of course, you knew that he was, because he’s been out all day with Eileen. “De, your brother didn’t get back home until an hour ago.” You reminded him. “I even got to talk to him before he went to bed and when I did, he seemed perfectly good to me.” 

Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes. Of course you just had to talk to his brother tonight. So, if that lie wasn’t going to work, he was going to try a different approach. “Okay, maybe Sam isn’t depressed.” He said. “But maybe Cas wouldn’t mind taking him off of our hands for a bit.”

For a moment, you didn’t say anything. You didn’t even blink. All you did was stare at him like he had two heads.

“Dean.. Cas is in heaven.” Again, you reminded him of recent events. 

“He-” You watched as your husband tilted his head, pretending he was confused about how this all happened. “He is?”

You slowly nodded your head. At first, you wondered why he was acting like this, but then you had a rather suspicious feeling of something that had the ends of your lips twitching into a small smile. “Are you jealous of Miracle?” You asked him, your own head tilting in curiosity. Of course, this had the man letting out a fake laugh as he shook his head.

“Me? Jealous of a dog?” For a moment he was acting as if you were the insane one, but then his laughter stopped and his face fell into a pout, his bottom lip sticking out and he did his absolute best at the puppy dog eyes Sammy always pulled whenever he was in trouble, or was trying to get somebody to listen to him. “Yeah.” You couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle at what the man had just admitted, before you pushed yourself up to your feet.

“Why are you so jealous of a dog?” You asked.

“It should be clear why I’m so jealous, Y/N.” Dean, like a little kid, whined before stomping over to the bed and flopping down right onto it. You folded your arms across your chest and sat down on the edge right next to him. “Ever since I brought him into the bunker, it’s been Miracle this, Miracle that. I was able to tolerate it, but tonight’s our anniversary, and just when I thought we could end the night with some sexy time, you’re in here shaking paws with the damn dog!” You opened your mouth to say his name, but you found yourself being cut off as he continued with his rambling. “And lately, I’ve just been thinking, what does he have that I don’t have? Is it because he’s more handsome? Does he give better kisses? Better cuddles? Why do I have to compete?”

“I shouldn’t have to compete, though. Y/N, Miracle eats, he sleeps, goes number one and two on the grass and sometimes, when he’s up for it, likes to play.” Dean said. “I do that too, so why am I just not enough?”

“Dean, you do know that he’s a dog, right?” You reminded him. But you were finding this more hilarious than annoying. 

“You don’t know that, though!” He suddenly blurted out as he quickly sat up. “For all we know, he could’ve been a prince, but a witch cast a spell on him that turned him into a dog. I mean- he was a stray and didn’t have a collar on him when I found him.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re forgetting that the only reason you found him was because everyone on earth had vanished, Dean.” You said. But that still didn’t get rid of the frown that was stretched across his face. You leaned in close to him, gently nudging your nose against his cheek as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Baby, Miracle might be a good boy, but you’re my best man. Not only are you my husband, but you’re my best friend, too. No dog could ever take your place.”

It took a few seconds, but your husband’s lips slowly turned into the widest grin. “You promise?”

You hummed happily, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I promise.”

“Okay, now I’m feeling better.” He said, turning his head to face you. You couldn’t help but smile at him all before he cupped both sides of your face into the palm of his hands and pulled you into a passionate kiss. Unfortunately for Dean, Miracle started barking, and the man pulled away to say just one more thing. “Hey, you stole my wife from me, I’m stealing her back for the night so don’t you go yelling at us.”

Somehow, it seemed that Miracle had understood everything the older Winchester had said. You could hear him whimper as his tail tucked in between his legs and he walked out of the room, leaving the two of you to go back to kissing.

Miracle was heartbroken.

Because little did you know, he actually was a prince.

~~~

Dean babes:

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