#he would bluescreen

[goayda]

The Swede was terrified of the Blackbeard crew, especially of the angry first mate who kept yelling at them constantly, but he had a job to do and he knew it was important so he steeled himself and got ready to do it.

First he went to see Roach in the galley and then made a round, checking on his crewmates but without distracting them from the tasks they had been given, although to be fair, Lucius and some of the others were simply pretending to work while they chatted nervously, but The Swede kept it short anyway since they were doing a good job at pretending and he didn’t want to ruin that either.

Once the easy part was done, though, he had to approach Blackbeard’s men because now that Bonnet and Blackbeard were co-captains of the Revenge he supposed they were also crewmates. Scary and angry crewmates most of the time, except for Fang, who seemed to smile a lot more now that he and Lucius were friends.

He decided to talk to Fang first then and he got a big smile and a thank you from the bearded man. Encouraged by this, The Swede walked towards Ivan, who simply grunted and nodded and then, feeling a bit more nervous, he went to find the First Mate Hands.

The man was by the railing, seemingly checking the rigging with an angry frown on his face, but The Swede still walked straight to him and cleared his throat to get his attention.

“WHAT?”

“Good morning, First Mate Hands,” The Swede said politely. “One of my tasks is to make sure everybody on the ship has an orange every day, so here it is yours, sir,” he added, handing him the last of his oranges.

The first mate looked at the orange on the palm of his hand as if it was some strange sea creature he hadn’t seen before and his mouth opened as if to yell again, but no sound came out.

“It’s good for your health,” The Swede explained. “To avoid getting scurvy, you know? That’s a very nasty thing.”

The older man looked even more confused, but at least he closed his mouth so The Swede hoped there wasn’t going to be any more yelling for now.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to eat it now,” he added. “You can always keep it in your pocket for later, sometimes I do that too. But you have to remember to eat it if you don’t want to lose your teeth, they’re very important and you wouldn’t like that, believe me.”

Finally, the first mate raised his hand slowly and took the orange and The Swede smiled broadly. He had fulfilled his most important task, every crewmate had an orange, even the scary ones.

“T-thank you,” the first mate finally said, looking wide-eyed at him.

“You’re welcome, sir!”

And with that The Swede walked away, ready to keep going with his other tasks, while the first mate stared in amazement at the small orange in his hand.

[iamlostandinneedofcoffee]

Jason is just making fun of Phantom over the phone outside of a JL meeting in the watch tower. He keeps calling him out and taking the piss, saying Phantom won’t do shit cause the JL are there.

The entire League are just staring at each other and Batman silently and awkwardly and they hear Red Hood mock someone saying “shove that in your grave, oh wait you didn’t get one” and losing it.

Eventually Red Hood comes back in still crying from laughter under his hood after that 40 minute call. Just as the JL are about to restart they just hear a banging from the space window(?!)

Everyone turns to see a feral looking 14-15 years cussing up a storm so bad even Constantine flinches(how can they hear someone talking when they are in space how are they just there?!?).

Only to hear Red Hood go “Oh Shit” and dead sprint out the room as the teen phases through the window and chases after him saying something about a Creep Bat (Flash asks if he missed another Bat Kid, Batman refuses.)

[benevolenterrancy]

additional thoughts on why they had better stick to sword drills: Liu Qingge would doki-doki himself into a qi deviation and Shen "middle sibling" Qingqiu would immediately ruin his ~aloof immortal~ persona

[mysterysciencewhatever]

I know the show forgot about hawkeye's sister and retconned her but I'LL never forget about hawkeye's sister she exists TO ME. hawkeye's sister who made him a sweater 4x too large you'll always be remembered.

[bbbbbbbbatman]

The thing is, no matter who you ship Batman with, there's no version of the identity reveal that's not objectively hilarious.

Whether it's Selina or Clark or literally whoever, just imagine that you have fallen in love with Batman. This is a man who is very intelligent, likely the most capable and competent person you know, one of the few humans who can go toe to toe with metahumans, and he acts a bit aloof and gruff, but as you get to know him you realize that he is an extremely caring person. He is out night after night, putting his life and safety at risk because he loves his city and feels such a strong responsibility towards making it better in any way he can. He is one of the bravest men you know and you admire his skills and dedication.

And finally, finally, he is about to reveal his identity to you. You know how much this means, how much trust is involved, and then he pulls back his cowl and it's motherfucking Bruce Wayne. Like what even--How do you respond to that? How do you reconcile everything you know and love about Batman with Bruce Wayne. That's--that's not...This is supposed to be a big romantic moment and you can't even respond because what the fuck??

You feel a headache coming on.

[impossiblekittydelusion]

Please tell me that someone agrees with me that if Lassie's partner called him 'good boy' in bed he'd just fucking bluescreen.

[chaoticace2005]

Angel: Hey Husky, wanna go on a date with me?

Husk: Sure, where?

Angel: Uh… I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d get this far.

[karts-pit-of-art]

a lot of people on discord liked this one so i'm gonna put it here too

[buccellato]

sometimes I think that if Knives met Milly she would fix him just by being her natural Milly self, but other times I think if she met him she could also fix him the old-fashioned way (with a well-aimed rock)

[sleep-nurse]

anemone and willow yao

ok fine

[sctumsempra]

this is so incredibly self indulgent but. hear me out

[malwaresilly]

Malware trapped between Solaris and @titan-star

That is all

[i3utterflyeffect]

reverse selkie Alan meeting selkie Alan and getting super mad because

"this has to be some sort of sick joke, right?!? I was created and hurt by a human and this guy is a human who created and hurt people, he can't be me!"

And then he learns that that's who he is in most universes and that he's the outlier. What if in most universes you were what you hate and fear most.

yeah... if he were to meet one of the many alternate versions of himself he would be! Devastated! Especially considering he hurt all the sticks he considers his kids, even if to the other versions they weren't exactly their kids... meeting the alternate versions of said kids would be equally upsetting, at least with the first three! SC is still a pretty happy kid at least...

[jimmyscanongf]

just saw the customer who asked me out for coffee a year ago and he had a girl with him and that shit hurted

[lanternlightss]

😔Bard 😔 and 😔 Ven 😔 <- soooooo normal about them

shaking your hand …. bard and ven…..

wonder how many of wispti’s mannerisms kept over in their human form …. like if they had a habit of hiding behind the bard, would they still do it now ? how often would they have held onto bard’s arm as though it was a lifeline while they’re walking around new mond,,, they’re each other’s emotional support beloved

[le-panda-chocovore]

Charles fully believes he's straight but if you open his eyes he would totally accept his new sexuality (AFTER having a 2 weeks panic-crisis)