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flokali · 1 year ago

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♢ Worship | Zhongli

Warnings: AFAB! Reader, Non/con -> Dub/con, Mind break (MC), Yandere, Cult AU, isekai, past violence towards MC, patronizing behavior towards MC, penetration, fingering, delusional behavior/thoughts from Zhongli, cum is everywhere, unprotected sex, dumbification (MC) (kind of), dirty talk, use of the c^nt, manipulation of MC, repetition, cock-drunk MC, desperate Zhongli, degradation towards MC (slut, liar, whore), implied exhibitionism, implied s.ex between MC and other Archons, unrealistic sex. Ask to tag!

Roles: Top! Dom! Zhongli | Bottom ! Reader

A/N: Here it is... it's definitely something new for me;; It's absolutely not for everyone and I am begging you to read the warnings, if this is too much for you do not read it! It's 100% fictional and falls under Dead Dove / Dark Content: it is not meant for anyone under the age of 18. Anon, ILY and you're the best... my beloved ! Took me forever to get this out, but here it is... yipe >_<

Word Count: 5.2k !

— Minors do NOT interact —

You were shunned away and hurt by those who you had once loved.

Already weak and alone, it was as if they took joy in seeing you despair, as if the way you crumbled around them was entertaining.

It hurts, oh Heavens above, you were miserable.

It wasn’t just physical, it was emotional and mental as well – every single weakness you possessed was exploited until you became a shell of yourself, your mind and body governed by fear and hatred and a need to survive, because you needed to survive. Even if it meant being reborn anew, you couldn’t let them win.

You couldn’t bring yourself to forget, it was all too painful, too cruel, too unjustified; they drove you to your limits and pushed you further until you broke. Until the person looking at you in the mirror looked like you, spoke like you, thought like you, but didn’t feel like you.

It’s why you couldn’t forgive the man standing in front of you, because deep down you knew he would have killed you if given the chance back then. You knew he held no regrets, that he’d do it all again to the next person who committed the crime of being deemed unworthy.

“I cannot,” your voice was assertive, or at least as assertive as you could muster in front of a God, “I… refuse to forgive you.”

“Please be reasonable,” Zhongli begs of you as he approaches you slowly, like a hunter would its prey, even if he claimed to think himself bellow you - you knew he held more power than you “we had no idea – I had no idea… if we’d known earlier, I swear upon Liyue Harbor itself, things would’ve been different.”

“And yet, time runs forwards,” you reply, slowly walking further away from the approaching man, or at least attempting to, but it was no use as he quickly makes his way closer to you, long legs and fit frame having no qualms in cornering you, “I have no use for ‘what if's’ or ‘could be’s’ - what is done is done, we have nothing to talk about, now let me leave because this is getting ridiculous.”

“My god is so stubborn,” he chuckles, acting as if your words meant little to him, something that greatly confused you - he spoke highly of you and yet seemed to think lowly of your person -, “I am afraid I don’t yet know if that’s something I like or not,” he mumbles that last part to himself before addressing you once more, “alas, I cannot let you leave until we reach a suitable agreement, your grace, you’re clearly not thinking clearly if you don’t see the multiple benefits that having me as your servant shall bring; with me by your side, you may as well be unstoppable.”

You scoff, a sense of disdain flows through your veins as you glare at him; you were slowly growing agitated by him and his presence, “First, you claim I’m your God and now you speak of me as an equal, as if I needed you - as if you had a right to speak to me at all -, what is it, Zhongli?”

He says nothing, his eyes take you in, you both know you’re cornered with nowhere to run, with you now completely at his mercy. It reminded you of the times he’d hunt you down with the intent to kill, if you were honest you much preferred the way he looked down at you back then than the current look in his eyes as he judged you with his eyes, as if assessing how worthy you were of his time albeit claiming servitude and humbleness before you.

“How utterly foolish, how… cute.” He chuckles, now only a mere inches away from your face. You hadn’t even noticed the stones he’d raised from the ground caging and forcing you into his proximity.

His hands, cold as they were, find their way to your cheeks. You attempt to swat his hand away but he’s simply too fast, quickly gathering both of your limbs and forcing them against his chest; the position was uncomfortable as you were forced to look up at his larger frame and feel his toned chest, a strange feeling was brewing in your lower region you desperately tried to ignore.

“Of course, you’re my God,” he says, his words serious, he spoke with such conviction it made your skin crawl, “and I’m your humble servant, which is why I am begging you to reconsider your opinion on not only myself but my people as well.”

“Absolutely not.” You accentuate your words, even if they come out a bit muffled from the way he gripped your face, to make your point loud and clear.

“Very well then, you leave me no choice,” he smiles and it sends a shiver down your spine because nothing good has ever come from someone smiling at you like that, “if you won’t let me worship you, then I’ll have to do it by force.”

His lips crash into yours but he makes no move to withdraw his hand from your cheeks, instead he uses it to press deeper into you - as if attempting to consume you whole.

You have no idea how long he’d been kissing you for, all you know is that his lips were devouring your own and that his tongue was battling with yours for control over your own mouth. The hand that grasped your wrist guided your hand to caress the archon’s chest, over his hardening nipples and around his pecs. There’s short intervals between kisses, but he doesn’t properly pull away until you’re begging for him to let you take in oxygen.

“Ah…” Zhongli finally pulls away to breathe, you’re in shock as you look at him, pure anger running through your veins, a complete contrast to the blissful look in his face as a blush overtakes his godly features, “You taste… divine.”

Ridiculous, Zhongli was being completely and utterly ridiculous! Making a joke, and a poor one at that, at a moment like this where he was doing this to you was incredulous. You wanted to scream at him, forcefully make him understand that you didn’t want him nor his sick worship and yet your body easily made way for him to slot his lips against yours once more as he parted them with a squeeze of your cheeks.

“Mhm~” You can’t help the moan that escapes your lips as you feel his tongue enter your mouth once more, “Ah, hmgh… humgh!”

Your back is flat against the wall, the Lord of Geo’s body effectively caging you in, and you have no choice but to part your legs as he places his knee between your own. You can barely breathe properly as he attacks your mouth, as if he’s making sure to explore it until he could map it out, his groping hand that had now left your cheeks and teasing touches don’t help at all as you feel yourself grow dizzy with unwanted arousal, a feeling shimmering in your pussy that has you unconsciously bucking your hips into his strong and firm limbs.

“You look so much better like this, Your grace,” he says as he takes a breather, his eyes – eyes you once adored back when you were home – glowed with arousal as he looked you up and down, “so quiet and docile, so obedient, it makes me want to eat you whole.”

“Rex Lapis! How dare you – ah, ha~ah!” You’re about to scold him and speak up when you break into yet another moan, you almost go cross-eyed as you feel his knee tease your neglected crotch; the cloth of his robes create a texture that feels heavenly against your hardening clit.

“Hmm? What is it, your highness?” He asks, feigning innocence as if he wasn’t the man responsible for your aroused state, “If you wish me to stop, speak up now before I get too, ah, excited.”

Zhongli once again doesn’t give you time to respond before he’s attacking your neck with fluttering kisses, “Come on, if you want me to stop,” he mumbled hungrily, it’s almost brutish the way he handles your body forcing jolts of arousal and pleasure to spark through your body, “say so.”

He’s challenging you to speak up, it’s as if he’s daring you to tell him to stop. He knows, the sick bastard knows that somewhere deep inside you - you still adore and want him, that a sick part of you wants to forgive him and be loved by him.

“Mora-ah~ !” You moan as he sucks at a particularly sensitive spot in your neck, his hands teasingly run across your thighs, caressing the skin in a seductive manner that has you trying to close your legs. Your core is slotted near his knee, where he can teasingly bump it up against it to give you momentary sparks of pleasure.

You want to scream at him to quit toying with you but you can’t formulate the words, not with the soft whimpers and groans you were letting out. He gives you a particularly strong bump, one where your clit — which was growing more sensitive by the second — and his clothed knee come into direct contact. You let out a particularly high pitched moan at that, the feel of his muscle against your lower lips simply intoxicating, that has Zhongli responding with a grunt of his own, something that sounded like your name rumbling from deep inside his throat.

“Such a slut for me,” he manages to get out, he’d been too busy teasing your skin with his teeth to comment on anything for a while, “such a good whore…”

It felt demeaning to be talked down to like that, especially by someone who claimed to wish to become your humble servant, but his words had a primal part of you beaming with satisfaction at being called good. You’re so taken aback by your own reaction you don’t notice him tugging at your robes and undergarments, not until he’s freed your cunt - allowing it to come in contact with the air.

“There we go,” he praises you, finally detaching himself from your neck, which was now littered with bruises and hickies, “your grace, I am truly honored… to be the first of your followers to make love to you…”

There’s a sick, almost delusional, look on his face as he breaks into a soft grin as he palmed your cunt, thick fingers gathering the slick that slowly poured out of your cute hole as it desperately tried grasping at anything.

His hand parts your legs further so he gains better access to your cunt, before he takes his free hand to properly caress your nerves. Slow and sensual movements against your clit and slit have you desperately bucking your hips to meet his fingers, he never inserts a full digit up your gummy walls instead opting to slowly work the opening by stretching your entrance and fingering you only up until his dip joint. Your arousal soon is leaking down your thighs and hitting the floor, making a mess of cum and love juice that would’ve made even the Devil blush, even the amount that escaped your soaking hole surprised, was it normal to be aroused enough to leak into the floor, you wondered.

“You’re ready,” you break out of the hazy mist of lust that clouded your mind as soon as you hear the man speak, “hah… I’ll… I’ll stick it in now, your grace… I’ll make sure to fill you up.”

“What…?” You manage to pant out, but he doesn’t answer you - instead he opts to free his hardened cock from beneath his clothes, a thick and long monster that sends a shiver down your spine as you questioned how he even thought someone could take it without hours of prep beforehand, and directs it towards your soaking entrance, “Z-Zhongli… don’t, please… you’re too big and… I’m not, I’m not ready… please, don’t… I’ll forgive you if you stop, stop! Just please, no… stop, I… I’m sorry, I…”

He pays your begging no mind as he slots his tip inside of your hole, which is enough to have you desperately clawing at his arms; “Hah, your highness… we - we’re becoming one…”

The Lord of Geo decides to ignore you, opting instead to slowly sink himself further into your gummy walls, even with the previous preparation and the slick you’d released your cunt was gasping in pain as you felt his thick dick enter your poor, tight pussy; before you knew it you were practically spasming around his length, awkwardly jolting and jumping as his cock slowly made its way past your tight muscles. The pleasant burn and torturous slow pace has you gasping and rolling your eyes towards the back of your head; he’s not even completely inside of you and you feel so… full. You don’t even want to imagine what it’d be like to have all of him inside you.

“Hah~ Hah,” you hear him pant beside your ear, his hot breath making you shiver, “you’re… tight…”

Your face is heating up at his words, it doesn’t help he’s slowly pressing himself deeper into your hole nor that he is slowly grinding himself against your walls in an attempt to ease your tense body.

“You’re t-too big…” You miraculously manage to get his hands off of you, “Fuck, get off… please… g-hgkh! ”

You trail off, too focused on the pleasure at hand to finish your thoughts. You didn’t want this, you didn’t want to have his dick inside you and yet your body sucked him in so greedily. You’re shaking and panting by the time he finally bottoms out, his balls hitting the fat of your ass with a soft thud that made your walls momentarily tighten at the lewd and erotic sound, it was too much and yet you were beginning to grow fond of the feeling of his cock bulging against your stomach.

Zhongli lets you sit on his dick for a while, allowing you to get accustomed to the feeling of fullness, probably trying to get used to the feeling of your warm walls encasing his dick, you try to pull him off you one last time but he doesn’t even budge, he’s too big, in retaliation, he gives a smooth roll of his hips that has his cock rubbing against every nook and cranny inside of you, including your special, spongy spot that had you seeing stars.

“U-ugh…” You let out a gurgle, you don’t want to admit it but the way his dick felt inside you had you seeing Celestia.

It’s the realization that he had no intention of letting you go un-fucked, and the shame of feeling aroused, that has you finally releasing the death grip you’d had on his arms, a sense of defeat and humiliation settled in your stomach; to preserve any reminder of your dignity it’s best you just let him use your hole like a toy. You’d denounce him, obviously, once the act was done and you’d have him sentenced, hopefully, to death for defiling you - that’s truly the only comfort you have.

It seems he takes your now compliant state as a go ahead to start moving. It’s painful at first, you’re overly aware of how his cock is moving inside of you and the feeling of pleasure is almost completely overshadowed by hatred and humiliation, your companion, however, seemed to be enjoying himself. You’re certain this whole event would be uncomfortable and unpleasant, you doubt you’ll even finish, or at least, you did until a particular thrust hit a particularly sensitive nerve that sent an aggressive wave of pleasure coursing through your veins, it’s blinding, it quite literally took your breath away as your brain struggled to process the unexpected yet erogenous sensation.

“S-shit!” You gasp, your whole body twitching. For a second, all thoughts left your mind, only a primal need to feel good again taking over as the wave rocked through your body, infiltrating every nerve and muscle, coursing through your brain as you desperately tried to prolong the almost intoxicating sensation. You don’t even realize how tightly your cunt is clutching his dick until he lets out a condescending, deep laugh.

“D-did you feel good, your highness?” His breath hits your ear and you suddenly feel overstimulated from your recent release and the feeling of his burning skin encasing you.

His words bring you back to reality and you have to restrain yourself from biting a chunk of his skin, you’re still trying to come back from your high, a high you desperately wanted to deny; “A-as if, hah, a monster-r such as yourself could pleasure me… f-fuck!”

“Is that a challenge, your grace,” he asks, golden eyes narrowing in amusement, , “if so,” he adjust your position, suddenly your legs are no long touching the floor as he’s taken them into his arms, his hands hold your knees so you can’t fall nor escape his brutal thrusts, you’re at his mercy, “I won't back down.”

That’s the start to an agonizing pace, one where he’d give deep, sensual thrust into your pussy - he’d start of slow, making sure you felt every vein and bump that made up his cock -, and then pick up the pace momentarily with short yet precise, rapid thrusts that had you bouncing in his arms like a rag doll.

“Do you like it, my beloved?” He lets out as he desperately tries to coax a confession of pleasure out of your lips, keenly aware of the way your insides became harder to exit the more aroused you were, “If, ha-ah, if I pleasure you like this everyday, you surely will forgive me, r-right?”

You’re too preoccupied with the way Zhongli’s hardened length rubbed a particular spot inside your walls that had your legs tensing helplessly in his grasp to answer; you could feel a ball of uncomfortable pleasure build up in your lower region that had you panting the more it grew.

Your thoughts were slipping away as the man lowered his hand to toy with your hardened clit, you felt like you were about to cum from that ministration alone but you helplessly try to stop yourself; you’re certain that if you cum even once you’d completely lose yourself, it was already hard enough not to beg for him to stop teasing you and fuck you properly as it was, and you’re certain that the minute your slick coats his dick, you won’t be able to stop yourself from begging to be fucked like an animal in heat. But it was so hard, so terribly hard, especially when he began kissing and teasing the hickies he’d previously painted over your body, the added feeling of your clit being rubbed as your cunt was being pounded into in different rhythms had you bucking your hips to meet his own - even a second without his cock inside of you was becoming unbearable, you… you needed his dick, you needed to feel good.

You wanted to sob from the frustration of the never ceasing pleasure that was building inside you, you wanted to cum so bad you were growing desperate, not even realizing your hips had begun moving on their own in an attempt to hurry up your release. You don’t think you’ve ever been so sexually frustrated, continuously growing restless as your head began clouding from pleasure.

It’s as if he was reading your mind because as soon as the thought hits you, he moves near your ear to moan in a low voice; “Go ahead, my love, cum for me… just know that if you do, I’ll take it as an invitation to become yours… Come on, make this dick yours, I… ha-ah… I know you want to.”

Wasn’t that so lovely? Wasn’t that such a wonderful agreement; in exchange for your slick, you would have one of the greatest cocks in the continent as your own personal servant!

Because it was what you deserved right? After all those months of pain and hurt, you deserved to feel good and be loved like you always were meant to be loved.

Zhongli notices your apprehension and he doesn’t blame you, but he was going to make things right; he had to, no matter what, no matter how, no matter what it takes, he will make it up to you. Even if it meant lowering himself from the status of Archon, even if he had to apologize and beg.

“I’m so sorry,” he begins mumbling into your skin as his cock keeps abusing your hole, he knows it’s an underhanded method but he doesn’t care, he meant every word he said - even if his way of showing his feelings was wrong, “you didn’t deserve any of it, no… y-you should be worshiped, you’re – fuck! You’re my savior, you’re everything to me, everything… I love you, I love you, I-I’m y-yours,” your cunt unwillingly clenches at that, “I-I’m yours to do as you please… you’re so good to me, so good… Come on, cum on me, use my cock… Allow me to repent for my actions, you will - won’t you?”

As one of his hands continues to rub your clit, the other supports your body weight, he doesn’t even seem to break a sweat as he holds you and fucks himself silly inside your tightening cunt.

There’s something about his desperate tone, the way he whines into your skin in between kisses and sucking, that has you believing his words; maybe he was regretful, maybe he did see what he did wrong, he was clearly trying to make it up for you by having sex with you, right? This was okay, right? He was sincere, you both knew he held a deep hatred for his actions, he’d been begging to see you ever since he’d learn of your true identity, he’d sent you gifts and offerings in an attempt to swing your favor; Rex Lapis didn’t do that for anyone, Zhongli didn’t do that for anyone.

He kept going on and on about how sorry he was, how desperate he was to feel you cum on his cock, how badly he wanted to serve you, how much you meant to him, how everything he ever did was for you; he loved you, he needed you, he wanted to be with you, he needed to be with you. His voice was growing raspy and whiny, a completely new side to the normally composed and cool Zhongli you were used to.

His words begin to seep into your brain, his admissions of guilt, his declarations of love, the way he begged you to take him as your own.

“I-I feel your pussy tighten,” he mumbles, “you’re so… you feel so good, mhm… I’ll be yours, I’ll make it up to you, everything – Please, s-shit, let me be yours, I want to be yours, allow me to serve you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“Zh-zhongli…”

“Your grace,” he moans and you can feel the way his body shudders as you whimper his name, “I’ll do anything for you, please - please, ha~ah?! Make me yours, let’s cum together, please, I want to cum inside you, I want you to come… If I make you cum, you’ll let me serve you, right? M-my lord, mine, mine… I’ll claim you as mine, my own god, only m-mine, mhm-mmph… I’ll make it up to you, you’ll be mine, you’ll love me, you’ll love me-ah, we’ll do this e-everyday a-and you’ll be mine, hah~”

You felt the last of yourself break as the words he whispered made your cunt squirt all over the Archon, the one who’d hunted you for sport, made your life a living hell, who’d offered his body and power as an apology; he now stood with his hips and pelvis covered in your cum.

“C-cumming! Ah, ah-hah… I’m cumming, ‘m cumming, shit! I’m cumming on your c-cock! Hah, hah… ah~ah, ghk-k!”!

Yet you couldn’t stop, your poor pussy kept leaking as you convulsed from the intensity. It didn’t help that Zhongli made a point of pressing himself as deeply as he could inside of your pussy, as if trying to penetrate your womb with the tip of cock.

It’s as if your body had been lit on fire, your body twitches and turns as you gush all over the floor, it’s an electrifying feeling as you give up control and succumb to pleasure.

Cock, you were cumming on Zhongli’s cock, on the man who wanted you dead only a few weeks ago, you were on his cock, his cock was inside you, your cum was coating his cock - the cock that was humping your pussy, the man who was groping you, the one who’s threatened to kill you. You could only think about his cock, the big, long, thick, fat cock that had you drooling over yourself. You didn’t know what was leaking out of your pussy, it kept coming and coming out, coating the Archon’s lower half with your love juices - your legs hurt as you tensed and twitched and your nipples and clit all felt painfully hard.

It takes you a few seconds to stop cumming and yet, even as you were held in his arms panting from the feeling, you weren’t tired – in fact, you don’t think you’d ever felt better.

It seemed the man balls deep inside of you was feeling the same way for it doesn’t even take him more than a minute to start bouncing your limp body on his cock once more.

“More… I want more, more, wanna… wanna cum again.” You’re too out of it to realize you were speaking your thoughts, too desperate and drunk on the feeling of sex and the pleasure it was bringing you to feel shame.

Even though your body felt heavy as lead, you weakly try to match the rhythm set by Zhongli with your hips, desperately searching for the pleasure he’d given you minutes before.

If you’d been looking at his face, you would have been able to see the look of surprise that washed over his handsome features; was this really you? Had it truly only taken you a good fuck to temper you out? His golden eyes seem to glow brighter as his excitement grows, his dick somehow hardening even more albeit still being inside of your warmth. He takes it as a sign to adjust your body one more time, taking you in his arms once more and allowing him to bounce you on his cock like a toy.

You’re too sex-brained to fully comprehend what was going on, only truly thinking with your cunt - desperate to feel the white ball of pleasure explode inside of you once more and to feel Zhongli coat your insides with his cum.

“Ha-ah, Zhongli,” you whine, your voice comes out airy and unsteady as your whole body bounces on his dick, “p-please… c-cum inside me! ‘Wanna feel your cum inside my pussy, pl- fuck! Ah, ah - feels good, your cock feels so good! ‘m gonna cum again, wanna cum with you… hah, hah, l-let’s cum together…!”

You can feel his breath hit your neck as he nuzzles into into your shoulder, an airy chuckle soon followed by teasing words;

“I-I, hmm… I thought you’d never f-feel pleasure from a monster such as myself,” his voice is raspy as if he were barely containing himself, “my grace is such a g-greedy liar…”

As if to prove his point he gives you a particularly rough thrust, one that has you seeing black as your eyes roll back from the pleasure.

“P-please… I want your cum inside of me, ghk! Want your cum, wanna feel your cum on my pussy, wanna be your… your, wanna…! Fuck, you feel s-sho’ good, so go~oh~od, aha, ahhhh…!?”

“Don’t worry, my beloved,” he breathes out, hurrying the pace of his hips, he never fully removes his cock from you, instead opting for shallow thrusts that are aided by the length and girth he possesses, “my only wish… is to serve you.”

You can’t even respond as one hand comes to massage your breast and the other lowers itself to play with your clit, the added ministrations have you panting and desperately grinding yourself against the Archon; your body felt like it was on fire from the heat that bloomed from where your two bodies became one.

“‘M close, ‘m gonna cum inside you.”

Those are the only words you have to brace yourself before hot, sticky cum is shot inside your aching body, painting your pink insides white with his depraved love. He doesn’t say anything, his own brain seemingly turned into mush, only capable of low groans and moans that border on animalistic while he made sure to press himself as deep as he humanly could, making sure that not a drop of the cum you’d asked for escaped your greedy hole.

As he rides off his high, emptying his balls inside of you as he softly rocked your body, you can feel your sex clench and slick begin to ooze out of your cute hole. He notices it, and begins rubbing your clit in an attempt to coax you into cumming for him. His finger feels heavenly as he rubs it in quick, fluid motions across your clit and vulva, the cum from your previous release and the overflowing left overs from his own aid you as your feet begin to curl and a ball of pleasure that had been growing inside your lower half finally explodes and you cum one more time on Zhongli’s cock.

Albeit not nearly as sudden nor shocking as the first one, you’re still left a twitchy and aching mess as your legs fall limp in your captor’s arms.

But after tonight, your brain could hardly process him as a threat, everything before the second he’d inserted his dick inside you felt like a distant nightmare, the man who now cradled your body was no longer your enemy - not now, not to you. Your eyelids feel heavy and you’re beginning to doze off as you feel a sloppy kiss be left on your cheek, you look up at Zhongli for the first time since he’d started to fuck you.

His pale skin is burning pink, sweat rolls off his handsome features, his lips look rosy pink and you can see faint bites on them from when he desperately contained his moans, he looked nothing like the God who’d terrorized you previously; his eyes were the easiest give away, however, where they once were full with hatred and disgust, they now shined with passion and servitude.

In his mind, he’d earned your forgiveness, the debauched act of taking you against your will was his last ditch attempt at making things right, and so from today onwards, in his perturbed mind, he was officially your first follower in the continent of Teyvat and most devout worshiper.

“Mhm…” A smile blooms on his lips as he squeezes your ass, the geo wall vanished and you’re left clinging to Zhongli as he adjusts his cock inside of you, the soft movement has you jumping from overstimulation, your sex drunk look endears the Archon as he duly noted his guests’ footsteps approaching, “let’s show them how to properly serve you, shall we?”’

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petalsscribbles · 4 months ago

Text

11. and there was one bed

"You've got to be kidding me!"

Sunghoon thinks the same as the two look at Yn's completely drenched bed. Seems like there's been a leak right above the boy's bed. Bedsheets, matress, even the pillow are nothing but soaked sponges now.

"What do I do now? There are no free beds and I really don't want to sleep in the teachers' room." Yn says, losing more and more hope with every passing second.

"You can sleep in mine, I'll take the floor." Sunghoon suggests but Yn shakes his head vehemently.

"No way. You'll get hurt or sick."

"Yeah, and that's why I won't let you sleep on the floor." Sunghoon retorts. "Well, if you're cool with it, I guess we can share my bed. It'll be a tight fit but it should be big enough for both of us."

"O-okay. We can do that." Yn answers. The lamp's flickering light is not strong enough to show his reddening cheeks. "Are you okay with it?"

"It's just one night. We'll live." Sunghoon says nonchalantly as he gets under the covers, lifting the other end as an invitation. Yn reluctantly accepts.

Sunghoon said they'll live, but he might just die right now. He would be fine if it wasn't for the dream he had about Yn the night before. Maybe if it was your regular filthy wet dream, he wouldn't be losing his mind like this.

No, the dream was all lingering touches, featherlight kisses and racing heartbeats.

Soft sighs and gasps, Yn in Sunghoon's lap clinging to his shoulders.

Yn's quiet pleas and sweet nothings.

His I love you.

It was much much much more intimite than it had any right to be. He's never had a dream like this about anyone, not even Jaeseok and he was obsessed with that guy for crying out loud.

Sunghoon mentally slaps himself and pushes the fleeting images to the back of his mind. He tries his best to fall asleep, but Yn's sigh catches his attention. He's lying on his back, lips curved into a small smile.

"How come you're smiling? We've been planting trees the whole day."

Yn chuckles, and the sound is so pretty Sunghoon wants to record it and play on repeat full volume.

"Yeah my back is killing me but I wanted something like this for ages."

Sunghoon fully turns his body towards Yn, propping his chin on his right hand - a gesture to encourage Yn to elaborate.

"I... I got very sick when I was little. I had horrible coughing fits and over all I couldn't breathe proprely. Had to get a big surgery too. It was a very difficult time for me and my parents. I got better but I'll always be weaker than others so my parents are very protective of me. That's why I was homeschooled for so long. I couldn't do anything alone." Yn says, fidgeting, voice soft and weak. "It took some convincing but eventually they understood and let me be an actual student. Make friends and stuff..."

"That must have been suffocating."

"It was but it's understandable. I'm the first and only child after years of trying and three miscarriages. Of course they're terrified of losing me."

"You don't resent them for it?"

"No."

This is messing with Sunghoon's head. Yn's and Jaeseok's scents are identical but they themselves couldn't be any more different. Jaeseok was confident, passionate, uncompromising. Yn is kind, calm and compassionate. Jaeseok was a lightning storm, Yn a dew upon a mountain meadow.

Hurricane and summer breeze.

Oil and water.

It's fascinating how two completely different people can have Sunghoon defenceless all the same.

As Yn closes his eyes and wishes Sunghoon a goodnight, Sunghoon's brain decides to be a menace once again.

Lingering touches, featherlight kisses and racing heartbeats.

Sunghoon, baby... Touch me please... Ah!

Don't, not there...

I love you.

A warm hand on his cheek brings him out of his trance.

"Sunghoon? Are you alright?" Yn asks. Sunghoon doesn't answer, instead he grabs his wrist to keep Yn's hand in place.

"If you don't want me to kiss you, push me away." He breathes and slowly leans in.

At first the kiss is nothing but pressed lips together, neither brave enough to go for more. Soon enough, the kiss deepens and it's quite literally Sunghoon's dreams come true.

It's a mistake, they both know it, but for now they're too caught up in each other, too intoxicated by all the sensations to think about consequences.

A/n: should I rate this pg 13 or nah

taglist CLOSED

@starchasing-cryptid @foxilsdenn @moonslie04 @kkurbys @winter-world @bleedingxheartt @gnusihcom @dkmyman @mortifesboy @kkyoluv @teoluvsyou @bubblztaro @conwunder @xavi-in-kpopland @monstaxpuppy @gabrielllx @tarotarosung @livingsecret @onementally-unstabel-kid @axolotl04 @hwalleluja

prev masterlist next

#enhypen #enhypen smau #enhypen x male reader #enhypen sunghoon x male reader #enhypen sunghoon smau #kpop x male reader

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maybe-im-dark · 1 month ago

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The X-Men as an Allegory for People with Disabilities: Why Logan (Wolverine) Represents Our Struggle

Mutants in the X-Men universe have long been recognized as an allegory for various marginalized groups. Often, people discuss them as symbols for race, gender identity, or sexuality, and while these are all valid and essential interpretations, there’s another group that rarely gets the same attention: people with disabilities. At their core, the X-Men represent those who society deems "different," and their struggles mirror the everyday realities of disabled people who face prejudice, violence, and the overwhelming sense that they don’t fit in.

In this post, I want to dive into why Logan (Wolverine)—arguably the most beloved X-Men character—is such a poignant representation of this struggle. Logan’s experiences aren’t just about mutant oppression; they reflect the same violence, exclusion, and dehumanization that so many people with disabilities have endured throughout history. His pain resonates on a deeply personal level because he embodies the way disability can isolate, alienate, and force individuals to question their humanity.

Logan: Beaten Down, Like So Many Others

Logan’s story is filled with unimaginable suffering, much of it inflicted because of his mutation. From being experimented on in the Weapon X program to living through countless wars and battles, Logan has been beaten down—physically and mentally—time and time again. He’s been tortured, treated like an animal, and used as a tool by people who see his mutation as nothing more than a resource to exploit. This is painfully similar to the way people with disabilities have been treated throughout history.

From early eugenics movements to the horrific medical experiments performed on disabled individuals, society has frequently viewed people with disabilities as "less than human," as subjects for abuse or as problems to be solved. Logan’s life, constantly fleeing, hiding, and surviving these abuses, reflects the lived reality of countless disabled people who have been denied their basic humanity.

The Alienation of Feeling Like an Animal

One of the most striking aspects of Logan’s character is how he struggles with feeling like he doesn’t belong. His mutation, which gives him heightened senses, superhuman strength, and animal-like reflexes, also makes him feel less than human. His feral rage, his sharpened claws, and his ability to endure pain make him question whether he’s more beast than man. This deep feeling of alienation is something many people with disabilities understand all too well.

Disabled people are often made to feel like outsiders, whether through physical inaccessibility, social exclusion, or the ways society "others" their existence. Logan’s sense of not belonging, of feeling out of place in the world and within his own skin, mirrors the internal struggles that people with disabilities often face. His story isn’t just one of physical power—it’s about the mental toll of constantly being made to feel like you’re different, and not in a way that’s celebrated, but in a way that isolates.

Physical Power vs. Internal Pain

While Logan is incredibly strong and seemingly indestructible, his true power isn’t his healing factor or his claws—it’s his ability to keep going despite the weight of his internal pain. This is one of the reasons so many people relate to him. People with disabilities are often portrayed in media as weak or fragile, but in reality, they possess immense strength to survive in a world that isn’t built for them. Logan, too, represents this paradox: physically invincible but emotionally scarred.

In the same way that disabled people have to fight for basic rights, recognition, and acceptance, Logan fights for a place in the world. His physical toughness often hides his internal vulnerability, but those who look closely can see the emotional scars he carries—the loss, the trauma, the battles that never seem to end. These scars make him relatable to anyone who’s been made to feel different or "less than" by society.

The Fight for Recognition

Logan, like all mutants, is constantly fighting for recognition—fighting for the right to exist, to be treated as more than a weapon or a threat. People with disabilities face this same struggle. Whether it’s fighting for accessibility, equal opportunities, or even the right to be seen as full people rather than their disabilities, the fight for recognition is ongoing. Logan’s story reminds us that the battle for acceptance is exhausting but necessary, that fighting for one’s humanity is a lifelong journey.

Conclusion: Logan as an Icon of Resilience

What makes Logan’s story so powerful is that, despite all the violence, abuse, and isolation, he never gives up. He’s survived things no one should have to endure, and though he’s scarred, broken, and often cynical, he continues to protect those he cares about. He becomes a mentor to younger mutants, helping them navigate a world that sees them as dangerous or inferior. In this way, Logan’s journey is one of resilience—a testament to the strength it takes to survive in a world that doesn’t always see you as fully human.

People with disabilities can see themselves in Logan because his story is one of constant struggle, of surviving in a world that wasn’t made for him, and of pushing forward despite the pain. He’s not just a superhero with claws and a healing factor—he’s a symbol of the fight for dignity and recognition that so many of us face every day.

Logan’s story shows us that even when the world beats you down, when society tries to strip you of your humanity, there’s power in resilience. There’s strength in continuing to fight for your place in the world. That’s why people with disabilities—myself included—find a part of ourselves in Logan.

#hugh jackman #wolverine #xmen #x men #allegory #disability #disability awareness #essay #marvel #people with disabilities

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ourfatherwhoartinhell · 1 month ago

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Ghostober - Day 2 [Phantom]

“Could you be happy here with me?” - 2k

CW: For some reason I used both Aeon and Phantom, sorry if that bothers you. Lil angsty, not proofread either (and it's late, oops)

⊹ Ghostober Masterlist ⊹

He wasn’t sure why today of all days he was feeling so sad. Phantom was normally bounding about and thrilled to bits if someone even said hi to him. He wasn’t summoned all that long ago and he was still figuring out the ropes. His pack was super helpful too. Swiss and Dewdrop opted to help him out the most, although he wasn’t quite sure why Mountain and Rain always looked so displeased.

He had just finished his first few shows with the band. They were all back at the Abbey for a couple days while they packed up, gathering all the things they’ll need before heading overseas for the North American leg of the tour. Aeon was super excited to see all the new people and explore new places and cultures. Ever since his summoning day he was like a sponge, soaking in every bit of information he could - both good and bad.

Aether helped a lot with teaching Phantom the guitar before he was moved to full time work in the infirmary - a skill they were both surprised the young ghoul picked up extremely quick. Aether didn’t think they had made it to the end of the week before Phantom had mastered half the setlist, much to the excitement of Copia.

Aeon was proving to be a very worthy summon, and an even more worthy replacement for the band. You never knew what kind of ghoul you were going to get out of a ritual. Sure you had a faint idea, since ghouls were drawn to the personality of those summoning them, but they could be quiet and shy like Rain, helpful and kind like Cumulus, or a huge pain in the ass like Swiss. On the best of days, it was a coin toss.

On the day Copia called upon a Quintessence ghoul, he was just happy that he got a full quint. Unlike when Terzo tried to summon a replacement for Omega and ended up with Delta instead, who was half water, half quint. However, there were other factors at play that day of course.

Phantom had been in the den packing up his things, trying to make a mental note of what the others had said to bring. Everyone else was bounding about, laughing and playing like leaving the country wasn’t super scary. Of course it was no big deal to them, they had done this whole thing before. They were also quite a bit older than he was. He looked out to the common area and saw Swiss hanging upside down on the couch, messing with Aurora while Mountain made some muffins and Cirrus had Dew in a headlock - most likely for good reason.

Even Aurora was chilled out and relaxed. They were summoned together so she felt like a little sister to him, yet she fit into the pack dynamic so much faster than he did. Sometimes he wondered if he did fit in.

His thoughts were interrupted by Copia suddenly appearing at his side, nudging his shoulder, causing him to jump. When did he get here?

“What’s wrong, little one? The others have said you’ve not been yourself lately.” Copia says quietly, not wanting to embarrass the small quint.

Phantom just put on his normal goofy grin and wagged his tail. “Oh nothing! Nope! All good here, Papa. Just excited!”

Copia had been around enough ghouls to know when they were lying (although Alpha was always his weakness. That guy was way too good at hiding his true feelings; he almost felt bad for him, but that was his brother’s problem). Copia just wrapped an arm around the young ghouls shoulders and pulled him in for a supportive side hug.

“You have every right to be nervous. It is a long way from home, sì?”

Aeon hadn’t expected Copia to see through his facade, or at least not so quickly. He thought it was pretty good, it worked every time on the pack. “I was excited,” he admitted, his expression faltering as he looked at the ground, kicking his feet together. “I don’t know why it seems so scary now.”

Copia just nodded knowingly, guiding the quint to a quieter part of the den where they could talk in private.

“You can talk to me. Anything that I can do to help, you know I will do. Within reason of course.” Copia cracked a smile, hoping it would help him feel more comfortable to say what was on his mind. The last thing he wanted was his ghouls thinking they would be reprimanded for speaking about what’s bothering them. He made that vow the moment he stepped forward to take over the Ghost project.

“I know it’s only been a little while since being here, but Aurora has settled in so quickly and I feel like I’m falling behind.” He admitted quietly. “It feels like everyone is happy that she’s here, but I’m just some kit they can just push around because I don’t know anything. I want to learn, I want to know, Papa! I try to learn but the surface is so confusing.”

Copia runs a comforting hand along his back. “You are doing so well. I am so proud. I know they are proud too.” He motions towards where the rest of his pack were busy goofing around down the hall. “Aether was so proud of you too. He told me that you were his first choice for a replacement and that you would excel, and you have.”

“But I’m not him,” Aeon interjects. “I see it on stage, Papa. Dew always looks over to where Aeth used to be and sees me instead. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to get over that and I don’t know what to do. No matter how hard I try, how great I play, or how much I practice. He’ll never be happy.”

Copia just sighs. He knew exactly what Phantom was talking about. He had a long week of conversations with Dewdrop about the very same thing before the young quint was summoned. He had tried to get Dew to come to terms with the reasoning behind his actions, but he was having none of it. Eventually they had agreed that Dew would be amicable and act professionally towards Aeon, but that he never had to be his friend. For the meantime, that was acceptable for Copia. At least it would stop any fights or arguments while they kicked off the tour.

However, he was realizing that the agreement may need amending now.

“Have you tried talking to Dewdrop about it? I can’t say I’ve noticed too much while on stage, but I don’t like getting involved in pack politics. I learnt long ago that it’s much better if we let you sort it out amongst yourselves, but I can step in if I must.”

Phantom just shook his head. “No I haven’t.”

“Would you like me to be there while you talk to him?” Copia offers. “I won’t step in, but I think it would be good for you two to get it off your chests before we leave tomorrow.”

Phantom twiddles his fingers in contemplation, his ear twitching as he tries to hear what’s going on down the hall. He liked to say he was an optimist, but somehow all he could think of is how this could go so wrong and ruin everything.

But Papa is here, he wouldn’t let anything happen. Would he?

“I’m going to go get him, take a breath little one,” he affectionately ruffled the quint’s hair between the horns before he stood, almost certain that was his favourite spot. Copia would always see Cirrus and Mountain do it to him before rituals backstage, and Phantom’s tail happily starting to sway confirmed his suspicion. “I’ll be back.”

There weren't enough minutes between the time Copia left and came back with Dewdrop, who was already looking like he was being forced to the principal's office, to prepare little Aeon for the heavy conversation they were about to have. As soon as his violet eyes met Dew’s angry orange ones, he immediately wanted to cower and run away. There really was no other feeling like the one you get when your pack leader looks like he wants to tear you to pieces.

But he wasn’t going to run. He would do it for Papa. No more avoiding it.

On the other hand, he wanted to do it for himself too. To prove to Dew that he was worthy of this spot and he was worthy of being part of the pack in his own way.

The fire ghoul refused to sit, which was fine. As long as he didn’t walk out, that’s all Copia wanted. He had told Dew to just hear the kid out.

“Okay, what? Speak.” Dew said sharply, arms crossed as he glared at Phantom.

“I know that you hate me–”

“Oh good–”

“Dewdrop.” Copia interrupted sternly, earning him a solid eye roll. “You can continue.”

Phantom took a shaky breath but squared his shoulders. “I know you miss Aether, I know you hate that I took his spot. I hate that I did too, but that was out of my control. I’m still learning how to be helpful up here. I’m still learning where I fit in… if I fit in anywhere.” He trailed off, trying not to cry in front of Dew or Papa. “What can I do to make this easier for you?”

Dewdrop would be lying if he said he expected that from the little bat. He wasn’t exactly sure what Copia had forced him into but this was certainly not what he was thinking. Maybe he had been a little blinded by his rage and took it too far. He was the pack leader now, it was his job to make sure everyone was looked after. And clearly he had failed.

He huffed before he answered, a little bit of smoke dancing under his nose, not wanting either of them to see that he was conflicted. “Just stop trying to be him. You will never be him. Just… be you.”

Phantom hung onto every word. He was ready to do whatever it took to make this right. “Do you think you could ever…. Be happy here? With me?”

Dew’s head tilted, contemplating what to say - something he wasn’t used to doing. “I suppose… if you started finding your own thing instead of stealing Aether’s - which you do horribly by the way- I could consider it.” He grumbled. “You have 2 months to figure it out before we get ba–”

Dew couldn’t finish his sentence before Phantom was engulfing him in the biggest hug he could muster, not even caring that the other could burn him pretty badly and stop him from coming on tour.

While Phantom had Dew in his embrace, subconsciously his Quintessence (which was unstable on the best of days) allowed Dew to see exactly how he felt. He could see every glare, every snide comment, every purposeful nudge on stage from Aeon’s point of view. Along with the heavy sense of guilt he carried that followed each and every interaction they had.

Had he really been that hard on the little guy?

“Well, I hope this means much more friendly interactions in the future, yes?” Copia smiled as Dew shoved him off, struggling to hide the small smile that forced its way through.

“You’re lucky he’s cute.” Dew mumbled, giving Copia the dirtiest look before ruffling the quint's hair as a sign of approval. In all honesty, he knew Phantom was coming long before Copia did. He had spoken to Aether about it weeks before. His only instruction he had was to look after him no matter what.

‘He’s young, he’s going to be lost and confused. Look after him for me.’

Dew would never admit it, but after talking with Aether, it was hard not to imagine Aeon like the son they never got to have.

#ghostober 2024 #the band ghost #ghost band #nameless ghouls #ghost ghouls #ghost band fic #nameless ghoul fic #phantom ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #cardinal copia #papa copia #papa emeritus iv

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karmathehalflander · 2 months ago

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Why both Eddie and Venom are autistic and how the movies are actually a metaphor for neurodivergence

Includes some of my personal headcanons and concepts that I’ve been thinking about and need to share.

BE WARNED!!! This post is a bit long (and also a cringy, rambling, nonsensical mess) full thing under cut.

Some quick notes before we begin: when I have one of their names at the beginning of a section it means anything in that section only applies to one of them. (Idk, I couldn’t figure out how to organize this, you’ll see what I mean)

I don’t know much comic lore, all of this is based off of the movies. Though the movies are a different universe so I don’t think it will matter too much.

Also I use He/They/It pronouns for Venom.

In the end, Im just one guy with a hyper fixation please take everything I say with a grain of salt and feel free to add on or correct me about stuff. Especially if I say anything stereotypical or offensive about nurodivergance/autism a lot of this is based on some personal experience and I absolutely make mistakes and generalizations.

Alright enough of my yapping let’s get to it.

Overall big picture stuff

Applies to Both of them

the whole concept of them being “losers” together is kind of autistic coded. Autistic people are often viewed as incompetent or childish or useless. And I like to think they are connecting over that shared experience.

Noise sensitivity!!! Both of them have noise sensitivity! I probably don’t need to elaborate that much but that one scene in their apartment was some of the best overstimulation representation I’ve ever seen overstimulation guitar scene

Venom

Venom comes across as unfeeling because they don’t emote in a “normal” way.

They’re very blunt and literal.

Venom sometimes has a slightly higher-pitched voice when excited or angry. Which I’m going to attribute to him masking. He wants to appear tougher and scarier. This is important to its species and Venom, who is already perceived as weak by their peers, intentionally deepens his voice a bit to blend in. (This is definitely a headcanon but I love this concept so I don’t care that the real reason is that the voice modifier they use does silly things)

This is also why I think it’s so concerned about Eddie and him “looking bad” Looking weak was dangerous and they trained themself to hide “weakness”

It’s always “How does Venom affect people” and never “What does Venom need and how do other people’s actions affect them”

Venom prefers to express its thoughts and feelings through mental connection with its host and then have that person relay the information to whomever they are “speaking” to. Nonverbal communication!

Venom not understanding humans (social interaction, conventions, etc.) is kind of autistic coded.

Eddie

Edie kind of disregards a lot of social conventions. Still hangs out with his ex-fiancé AND her boyfriend. He also doesn’t seem to mind talking to Venom out loud.

Eddies is just kind of anxious in general.

Eddie struggles to find full time employment.

On that vein, he also struggles to maintain relationships.

Eddie's sense of justice. Eddie has a strong sense of justice and morals that often don’t align with generally accepted values and he follows this view of justice and morality to an absurd degree and it often gets him in trouble. Aka, the entire plot of the first movie is because Eddie has autism.

He wears the same clothes all the time.

Specific moments that I think about

Venom

Venom chewing on the tire swing (they both have oral stims btw)

Sand between his toes. Idk I just thought it was cute and chose to believe they like the sensation.

Say it with me. Tater tots are a safe food!!!

Venom rocks back and forth a lot.

This is a stretch but when Venom is like “look at all these weirdos, my kind of people” it’s a metaphor for him being queer but I’d argue it also kind of fits with neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people often connect with “weirdos” (other neurodivergent people)

Likes organization “Pile of bodies, pile of heads”

Eddie

I’ve been told Eddie chews on his necklace at the beginning of the movie but I can’t find the clip and can’t do a rewatch right now so take that with a grain of salt… (I chose to believe this happened though. Also his bracelets are stim heaven)

When he says “Oh, I have a parasite” to Mrs. Chen he had no clue what to say here. He just said the first thing that came to mind and panicked instead of explaining.

Also the way he says things funny. Ex: “✨It’s a treeeee✨” supa, supa, fhasstt” “Heee…. has. one. up. hi’s. Ass toooooo” “ET. Phone home. Aliens? 😃” I chose to believe they are vocal stims (I also attempted to find a compilation but I couldn’t find any. Maybe I’ll make one sometime)

Eddie also makes sound effects a lot.

Eddie writes notes on pen and paper instead of digitally.

He apologizes an excessive amount. Like he says “I’m sorry” to people actively trying to kill him. Which is so real.

“I just bit that guys head off” “I, uhhh, yea I’ve been there it’s not fun” 😕

Eddie also rocks back and forth. Which can be seen in this scene

Quick segment into why I think Venom was rejected by other Klyntar (it’s because he has autism)

Venom doesn’t adapt as quickly or as efficiently as other Klyntar. It doesn’t handle change well.

All of the normal Klyntar weaknesses are turned up to 1000 with them. Instead of just certain frequencies, the range that hurts him is larger and is also affected by loud noises. As shown by: “Venom” car alarm scene

instead of just fire, heat also bothers it. Also doesn’t adapt to light well. (Just a headcanon)

Can’t create weapons out of their body like other Klyntar. struggles with “simple” skills.

Much more emotional than other Klyntar and develop attachments (also purely a headcanon)

Just overall didn’t fit well into their society.

Just headcanons

Venom and Eddie are so compatible because their brains work the same way.

“I wish I could just mentally project my thoughts and feelings directly into your brain. Oh wait, we can do that!”

Venom also has temperature sensitivities. He gets hot.

Venom likes to stim to low key music, mainly jazz and lo-fi. Does the one song on repeat for three hours to wring all the happy chemicals out of it like a dish rag thing.

Venom also absolutely loves cheesy pop music (unrelated to anything here but I’m right and I needed to include it)

Venom functions as a weighted blanket for Eddie when he’s anxious. Maybe even hides under his shirt and stuff and becomes an extra weight.

Eddie stims with his jewelry.

Venom likes to sit in the freezer. Sometimes they visit Mrs. Chen's walk in just to chill (lol)

Purely my opinion but I think Venom also has some light sensitivity for a bit because it’s not used to being in such a bright environment. He gets used to it eventually but every once in awhile he finds the city lights overstimulating.

They are both very tactile. Touching things. Love a good texture.

Venom is super particular about food for someone who eats out the garbage but certain textures and flavors drive them crazy.

Venom hates vegetables. (Except for celery because it likes the crunchy and stringyness of it)

How all of this makes for a great metaphor!

Feeling like an alien in the world is probably the most relatable thing for a lot of nurodivergent people. Like there’s a manual for being human you don’t have. And just the concept of a literal alien showing up and struggling to navigate in a world not made for it is so relatable!

The way they both immediately connect to each other because they have the same weird brain stuff and weren’t accepted by their respective societies is so adorable and wholesome.

“We’re not so different, you and I” This line lives rent-free in my mind at all times. It’s my favorite quote. I think it perfectly encapsulates their relationship and why it’s special. They have autism and are bonding because the other is the first person who truly understands them! (Cries, screams, throws up)

In conclusion

They are in love and have autism. And they cling to each other because they are the first people to truly understand each other. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Also I listened to UFO by Smith and Thell on loop while writing this. It’s very autistic symbrock coded so give it a listen if you’re a fan of inde-pop.

#I promised I would write this and here it is #this is probably a jumbled mess but I really wanted to share all my thoughts #they mean a lot to me #anyway if anyone writes more fic of them having autism please DM me a link #I desperately need more fic of them being neurodivergent #autistic venom #autistic eddie #venom #symbrock #eddie is autistic #venom is autistic #venom having autism is important to me btw #I don’t see it portrayed as much in fandom for some reason but they absolutely do and I’ll die on that hill #finally got the confidence to post this #eddie brock #venom movie

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skunkes · 4 months ago

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I hope this question isn't out of line, but I'm curious what you would say Al's biggest flaws are! Talon's flaws are very front and center in his characterization (in a good way!) and I feel like Al's are maybe more subtle or he's better at hiding/managing them 👀

i feel al's flaws seem very like, job interview "oh my biggest weakness? Ummm i work Too hard" if just listed in bullet points, but it fits for him. he's actually had a pretty secure upbringing with only a few outlier incidents

The working too hard is/was one, as he's worked through it but the capacity for such a thing is still there, he's the kind of person who will get tunnel vision over something, big or small, and "finding it easy to prioritize everyone but himself" is another constant and strange mix.

There have been points of his life where knowing him was like dating a surgeon, and you wouldn't hear from him for very long since he was constantly filling any amount of free time in his life with Something to do so he could have some alone time (which was the opposite of what he needed at the time due to the event that caused it) so that he wouldn't have to think about himself or taking care of himself. This would be any and everything, excessive activity and unhealthy amounts of exercise, odd jobs, meticulous hobbies in isolation. Stopping/relaxing for even a moment would mean it would take longer for him to be Useful to others again once he "got over" what was happening to him, though all of this also made him not want to be around others for long

Once that has been managed it's still easy for him to prioritize others because he's a caretaker at heart....he loves being a safe familial figure to everyone. The mom friend, the dad friend. This alone isn't bad but it is when paired with all the other stuff. I've talked before about how he was bullied by a teacher in his childhood for being the biggest (height and weight) in his class, and made an example out of for being "potentially dangerous" because of this, in order to keep his classmates in line.

This is partially why he struggles with putting himself first and also leads (more "led" bc it's gotten better but the potential for it to get bad again is still there ykwim) to him bending to the whims and needs of others because well if he stands up for himself people will be Scared of him, the big, tall, inherently dangerous (<- instilled in him as a child) man. He loved caring for others even before his bad schooling experience but it made it worse with "if im nice enough to others and do whatever they want nobody will ever see me as dangerous. And also without Taking Care of Others or putting myself to work I'm kind of a useless person, my worth is what I give to others."

He has also gotten better with this and it's easier to spot and intervene before he dips too far into that mental pit. I hope dis all made sense wrt the question, it felt important to mention it vs just being like "ummm workaholic sometimes, cares about others TOO much"

#long post #anonymous #skunk mail #oc text #it also connects like told he was inherently dangerous as a child and the effects of dis is what leads to him #staying in a very harmful relationship because he doesn't want to be seen as the big abusive monster compared to the much smaller #partner that's hurting him -> occupies himself with anything and everything #so he doesnt have to think abt what happened and so that he can still be of use to SOMEBODY #and be somebody's doting boyfriend after he Gets Over It #but he isolates himself (so he wont be a burden) and it takes longer for him to ''get over it''#and him taking long to get over it makes him feel bad bc he's no use to anyone like dis etc

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liskantope · 4 months ago

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I've been feeling devastated about last week's disaster of a debate (among other political developments) and see it as evidence that Biden was never a fit candidate for reelection. And at this point I really don't think he has it in him to stick out a job like the presidency all the way until 2029. But I think a lot of people are really overreacting in terms of what kind or variety of weakness it exposed in Biden. I'm a little stunned by how many people -- not generally Republicans or anti-leftists or leftists who have a bias against Biden already, but moderate-left-ish types such as Scott Alexander and Kat Rosenfield -- who seem convinced of things like that the debate shockingly but obviously "proved" that Biden is completely senile, has a clinical level of dementia, is unfit to be president right at this moment (let alone for 4.5 more years), obviously isn't acting as president but must be sitting around dazed while others do the work for him, that the Biden team's insistence that Biden is fundamentally fit has now glaringly been exposed as a complete lie, etc.

One particular narrow range of skills was on display at the debate, and I'm not sure exactly what succinct term to use for it, but it was something like "smooth articulation ability", and it's something I think about a lot as a communicator in my own professional context. There have always been certain mental states I get into (often triggered by stress or sleep deprivation) where words and sentences don't come out as clearly, get caught up in the moment on the wrong beat and get sidetracked, and struggle to get wrapped up without becoming run-ons that lack in a conclusion, where I mumble and stammer easily, and where I have trouble recalling particular words and phrases on the fly, and these contrast dramatically with my moments where the opposite is the case. This especially affects my teaching: it used to fairly often be the case that I had "bad days" where I could tell right from the start of the 75-minute class period that I wasn't going to be able to form thoughts as well as on my "good days". With more experience I've gradually learned how to minimize the "bad days", but I'm still prone to it if I'm not careful. Yet, even at my worst moments of this, it says nothing about my knowledge of the topic I'm teaching about, nor about my fitness in general. It's a very narrow aspect of my mental abilities.

Now one could point out that a huge part of being a politician is being a absolute world-class "smooth articulator". And that's true, and Biden certainly was once, and clearly old age has eroded his ability at this. But it's kind of beside the point when someone is suggesting that stumbling a lot at a debate is evidence of having dementia and being too old for one's job, other than that our being accustomed to politicians being extremely skilled at articulation is obfuscating the fact that for a typical person (whether old and senile or not), having to express one's ideas on the fly in the style of a presidential debate is incredibly difficult. I believe the great majority of adult humans -- including those who are dismissing Biden now, including a lot of the very intelligent and generally articulate among us, including myself -- would probably not be able to do much better than Biden did at that debate if we were placed in his position, and it doesn't say much about our ability to make decisions in the role of US president or about our dementia status.

All that said, what matters most in a presidential debate is the vibes each candidate gives off, and Biden definitely gave off "doddering old man" vibes in just about the worst way possible, which will certainly make a lot of people not feel okay about voting for him, whether or not they've seriously reflected on his capability of performing the actual non-public tasks required of a president.

#our current president #scott alexander #kat rosenfield #dementia #old age #teaching #yes i'm still alive #know it's been a while

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ninadove · 2 months ago

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Nina reads Dracula 🦇

September 20th

I opened today’s entry thinking I knew what to expect, but apparently I did not:

Report from Patrick Hennessey, M. D., M. R. C. S. L. K. Q. C. P. I., etc., etc., to John Seward, M. D.

A bit of humour in the darkest of nights. And what a power move! I love that even minor characters are given such vivid personalities!

With regard to patient, Renfield, there is more to say. He has had another outbreak, which might have had a dreadful ending, but which, as it fortunately happened, was unattended with any unhappy results.

This is what I mean! Look how this man writes. Completely redundant. He has a unique “voice” and I love it!

I went down to see if I could make out any cause for his anger, since he is usually such a well-behaved man, and except his violent fits nothing of the kind had ever occurred.

I’m starting to think every staff member has a death wish.

It was, I am sorry to say, however, only another instance of his cunning, for within half an hour I heard of him again. This time he had broken out through the window of his room, and was running down the avenue. I called to the attendants to follow me, and ran after him, for I feared he was intent on some mischief.

YA THINK?????

Also, what was I saying about safety protocols the other day?

The other fellow jumped down and struck him over the head with the butt-end of his heavy whip. It was a terrible blow; but he did not seem to mind it, but seized him also, and struggled with the three of us, pulling us to and fro as if we were kittens. You know I am no light weight, and the others were both burly men.

IT’S WORKING!!!!! The DYI vampirism is working!!! Mark me down as scared and strangely proud.

The two carriers were at first loud in their threats of actions for damages, and promised to rain all the penalties of the law on us. Their threats were, however, mingled with some sort of indirect apology for the defeat of the two of them by a feeble madman. They said that if it had not been for the way their strength had been spent in carrying and raising the heavy boxes to the cart they would have made short work of him. They gave as another reason for their defeat the extraordinary state of drouth to which they had been reduced by the dusty nature of their occupation and the reprehensible distance from the scene of their labours of any place of public entertainment. I quite understood their drift, and after a stiff glass of grog, or rather more of the same, and with each a sovereign in hand, they made light of the attack, and swore that they would encounter a worse madman any day for the pleasure of meeting so 'bloomin' good a bloke' as your correspondent. I took their names and addresses, in case they might be needed.

Efficient crisis management. Have a sticker 🦇

Now onto the regularly scheduled horrors…

Only resolution and habit can let me make an entry to-night. I am too miserable, too low-spirited, too sick of the world and all in it, including life itself, that I would not care if I heard this moment the flapping of the wings of the angel of death.

About that —

And he has been flapping those grim wings to some purpose of late—Lucy's mother and Arthur's father, and now.... Let me get on with my work.

Oh so it’s official! Arthur’s father has passed! What a month!

Van Helsing was very kind to him. "Come, my child," he said; "come with me. You are sick and weak, and have had much sorrow and much mental pain, as well as that tax on your strength that we know of. You must not be alone; for to be alone is to be full of fears and alarms. Come to the drawing-room, where there is a big fire, and there are two sofas. You shall lie on one, and I on the other, and our sympathy will be comfort to each other, even though we do not speak, and even if we sleep."

That is very sweet.

There was a full moonlight, and I could see that the noise was made by a great bat, which wheeled round—doubtless attracted by the light, although so dim—and every now and again struck the window with its wings.

Hold on hold on hold on. I think Jack might be on to something here.

So far, we’ve seen Dracula target Jonathan and Lucy specifically and relentlessly. Yes, he also attacked the crew of the Demeter, but that was out of necessity (being stuck in the middle of the ocean with no other source of food) rather than choice; and he doesn’t want to feed on Renfield, who is older and “feeble” both physically and mentally.

So he is attracted to the light, metaphorically: to young people who are full of life and love. Because that’s what he lacks. Argh.

It was certainly odd that whenever she got into that lethargic state, with the stertorous breathing, she put the flowers from her; but that when she waked she clutched them close.

🥺😔

"She is dying. It will not be long now. It will be much difference, mark me, whether she dies conscious or in her sleep. Wake that poor boy, and let him come and see the last; he trusts us, and we have promised him." […]

When we came into Lucy's room I could see that Van Helsing had, with his usual forethought, been putting matters straight and making everything look as pleasing as possible. He had even brushed Lucy's hair, so that it lay on the pillow in its usual sunny ripples. When we came into the room she opened her eyes, and seeing him, whispered softly:—

"Arthur! Oh, my love, I am so glad you have come!" He was stooping to kiss her, when Van Helsing motioned him back. "No," he whispered, "not yet! Hold her hand; it will comfort her more."

Say what you want about Van Helsing (SISTER), he’s showing incredible amounts of compassion in this chapter.

In a sort of sleep-waking, vague, unconscious way she opened her eyes, which were now dull and hard at once, and said in a soft, voluptuous voice, such as I had never heard from her lips:—

"Arthur! Oh, my love, I am so glad you have come! Kiss me!" Arthur bent eagerly over to kiss her; but at that instant Van Helsing, who, like me, had been startled by her voice, swooped upon him, and catching him by the neck with both hands, dragged him back with a fury of strength which I never thought he could have possessed, and actually hurled him almost across the room.

"Not for your life!" he said; "not for your living soul and hers!" And he stood between them like a lion at bay.

The next few entries are going to be fun.

Their eyes met instead of their lips; and so they parted.

Ouch.

"Ah, well, poor girl, there is peace for her at last. It is the end!"

He turned to me, and said with grave solemnity:—

"Not so; alas! not so. It is only the beginning!"

When I asked him what he meant, he only shook his head and answered:—

"We can do nothing as yet. Wait and see."

A heads up would be nice!!!

< Prev 🦇 Next >

#dracula #dracula daily #nina reads dracula #lucy westenra #abraham van helsing #john seward #arthur holmwood #r.m. renfield

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faislittlewhiteraven · 9 months ago

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So seen a few 'What if the ISAT cast were in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon' posts...

And I'm gonna put my hat in the ring because darn it I've been thinking about this for over a week now and I want to infect others with these ideas.

Siffren: Hisuian Zorua - White, adorable AND comes free with a neck ruff to hide their face in, but well, doesn't it fit Siff extremely well lore wise too? Just a cute little guy that's a remnant of a home and life forcefully taken away, Normal enough to be among the living with no issues but also Ghost because there's something missing... Something lost that shapes them, tears at them but they just can't let go... Also they eat a lot, have a good amount of mischief in their nature and use 'illusions' for self protection so like. It's a perfect fit really~ XD (Also the 'red' aspects during the Vs Friends fight makes me wonder if in the PMD version of ISaT Siffrin is evolving so wrong somehow that the universe is breaking and a huge chunk of the fight is the party basically mashing B button in utter terror~ XDDD)

Isabeau: Ditto - No joke, Isabeau had me really stumped for ages because what kind of pokemon species goes from nerd to buff to eventually somewhere in the middle during their evolution line but then I realized 'Wow I'm an idiot. There's a pokemon all about Change that can be any form right over there!' and thus Isa-Ditto was born in my mind. I like to think he's almost always in the form of a Marchoke, Zangoose or Scrafty or something that to the others is big and buff but Isa's warm smiling ditto face always stops him from ever looking intimidating, and back in the 'nerd' days Isa probably stuck to being a Gothita/Gothorita, if only because they're about the only mon I can think of with braids and they do seem like a good form if one wants others to stay away so they can focus on studying and stuff...

Mirabelle: Minccino/Cinccino - Ok, most of my reasoning for this one is because Mira visually reminds me of the Minccino line (those eyes <3 And her ribbon! <3) but like, she IS pretty studious and helpful and probably cleans up after everyone and that's Cinccino as anything to me, plus the sheer way this mon blitzs with Skill Link... IDK I just really feel the line suits her.

Odile: Kanto Persian or Purugly - After realizing Siff, Isa and Mira were all Normal types I decided to make it a thing and since under this logic Odele couldn't be a Kadabra (as was my first instinct), the idea of her being this big old book reading cat affectionately rolling her eyes at everyone else's nonsense just had so much appeal <3 Leaning Persian if only because its design matches her visuals better but the thought of her as a Purugly feeling comfortable enough around the others she doesn't puff up her fur via her tail around them is pretty cute/very 'seems standoff-ish but is secretly affectionate Odile' so I'm still struggling to choose between them.

Bonnie: Zigzagoon - Bonnie was probably the hardest to pick out because there were so many possibilites (Aipom for the mischief? Munchlax for the cooking/food vibes? Oh but what about Meowth for their weird hug face???). But then I realized pokemon of all sorts could do all of those things and what really stands out about Bonbon is their 'NPC somehow on the big adventure and doing their best' vibes so a spunky little Zigzagoon using their 'Gluttony' expertise in food to 'Pick Up' the party's sprits felt really fitting (also they way they dart in and out of combat with their Quick Feet just. It works you know? XD). Not sure which Zigzagoon form would be most fitting for them but currently leaning Galarian if only because Siff being weak to Bonnie fits hilariously well, it matches with Bonnie's 'desire to be edgy despite still being adorable' vibes and the mental thought of them far off in the future, all grown up and protecting their family as a big bad Obstagoon gives me a ton of warm fuzzies so yeah~ <3

Euphrasie: Lopunny - Look, it's just the hair, the affectionate personality and her being really really tall compared to the others alright? Only the party is actually Normal locked to me! X'D (I could see her as an Altaria or a Mega Ampharos as well but Lopunny just feels more 'right' somehow.)

The King: Hisuian Zoroark - . . . In my defence, he's an incarnation of malice born from the loss of his home/life with long long hair who acts as Siffrin's foil, pushes them towards 'discovering the red' and yoyos between tragically lamenting and being a ruthlessly, cruel monster who would hurt a child. There was no other option.

Loop: currently torn but leaning Cosmog/Cosmeom or Mimikyu for most of the game and Necrozma/Ultra Necrozma for the Act 6 secret fight - Finally the one non Normal type! And the fact it's the eldritch feeling Loop is kinda perfect? Helps them stand out more at least, and well you really can't beat Ultra Necrozma for 'star shaped thing that is both terrifying, potentially world ending and in immense amounts of pain'. (...Also its weak to Siff's H!Zorua and Bonnie's potential Dark type so it fits type wise also XD).

Change God: Mew - Do I really gotta explain why? (Legendary, has Transform, cute and sweet but also a little bastard, etc- It ticks all the boxes XD

So... Yeah. Those are my In Stars and Time 'what Pokemon would the main cast be' thoughts.

#isat #in stars and time #Pokemon mystery dungeon #PMD #isat pokesonas #silly #but also I've put way too much thought into this #oops all normal types #isat act 6 spoilers #isat siffrin #isat mirabelle #isat isabeau #isat odile #isat bonnie #isat euphrasie #isat king #isat loop #...you think pokemon types actually still exist in a ISaT/PMD fusion or if all battles are still rock paper scissors? I'm leaning the later #isat spoilers #just realized that if everyone from The Island is a Ghost type (now)#then everyone else being normal type kinda explains why no one can hear the language/remember the place #because its a ghost language and Normal is immune to Ghost (laughs and cries in 'yay pun but also ahh that's a horrible joke to make')#isat pmd au #not related to neoncityrain's isat pmd au (had most of this in my head prior to their Siff Shinx art post) but check that out too plz <3 #isat all normal pmd au

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llamagoddessofficial · 1 year ago

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Do you consider any of your skeles to be neurodivergent? And if so, what flavor of neurospicy are they?

As someone who thought they were neurotypical until very recently (guess who was probably autistic this whole time) I'm always hesitant to put neurodivergent labels on my boys, simply because I don't want to end up misrepresenting a really serious issue. I've always believed that my characters are open to individual interpretation, and if you look at one of them and see yourself/your own neurodivergency reflected in them, the last thing you need is me clumsily rolling in and going UHMMM ACTUALLY THEY HAVE [insert completely incorrect view on mental illness] SORRY.

If you look at one of my skeles, and you see a particular neurodivergency that speaks to you, it's canon. Everyone's individual interpretation is canon. That's my rules. I'm definitely interested to see what people think!

That being said, if we're looking at my individual interpretation of my boys, I do have some thoughts.

Sans: I think we can all agree this man is depressed. There's no argument there. But as someone with two siblings and a parent that have ADHD I also see a lot of inattentive ADHD reflected in him. Though his ability to read people has made him pretty good at masking his main issues, others can't help but peek through- the executive dysfunction when it comes to "basic" chores and tasks that don't interest him, hyperfocusing on a particular subject and working himself into exhaustion on his 'projects'.

Red: To me, Red has anxiety. Anyone would after living in his world- his Pap probably does too. But since weakness cannot be tolerated, his anxiousness manifests as a more acceptable outlet in the form of aggression. Even when he's with people he trusts, he finds it hard to ever completely relax, constantly restless an 'on edge'. As soon as any of his fears begin to manifest, if he can't escape, he lashes out in seemingly over-the-top manners.

Skull: PTSD is a big one. And his relationship with food isn't exactly... stellar. But also given my sudden closeness to the subject of autism Skull does seem to fit an oddly large number of those criteria. Desiring safety in mundane routine above all else, getting upset if the routines are broken. Struggles with/fears social situations, loud spaces are overwhelming, he can come across as blunt and uncaring. Unless it's his loved ones he despises being touched- and when it is his loved ones he has difficulty registering what is and isn't 'normal' and displays his affection in ways that can seem bizarre and frightening in their intensity if you don't know him.

#llamagines #i like the idea that sans really struggles with chores #but doing things for Mc is very psychologically rewarding for him #he gets a lot of serotonin from her delighted face at him putting his dishes away for once #he suddenly finds himself... able to do smaller things #like washing up a cup rather than just leaving it in his room

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skrrts · 4 months ago

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♡ amaranth (mini series) | chapter 01

✧reader x demon!hongjoong & reader x witch!mingi ✧genre: supernatural, rebirth, soulmates, poly romance (reader) ✧warnings: insecurities, mention of death, signs of mental health, mention of witchcraft, eating, food, minors dni ✧ word count: 5,6k ✧summary: Hongjoong never cared for love until he met you. The demon courted you until your family gave their blessing for a wedding, unaware of what he was. However, before the bond could be sealed, you were killed. Scared to lose you for good, knowing you already lived most of the lives given to a human soul, he begins to search for your reincarnation. 2024, and your current life is quite boring. You study while working at a local bookstore. It’s where you meet Mingi, a witch who charms you for his own reasons. You gain a soft spot for him when the demon appears, announcing you are his. You have no idea what’s going on when the two supernatural beings seem about to start a fight over who gets to claim your soul for good. Just that they forget to ask you about your thoughts on that.

a/n: based on request, i'll pick this up again with very slow updates. 🤎

#01 The Witch ; MINGI ; A Soul To Grow

Yunho looked with concern at Mingi. The runes on his body indicated that the younger man had overdone it again. “You shouldn’t push yourself so hard,” his voice was gentle as he leaned forward and healed his best friend, but he knew there was only so much he could do. Without completing the ritual every member of their coven went through, it proved to be harsher on the body with every passing year to use magic in their way. It was of no help that Mingi was more persistent to go ahead than any other witch.

The small huff indicated that he did not appreciate the lecture coming from his best friend. “Well, you heard my reading earlier. They say I am about to find the soul that will allow for my growth to happen.” Yunho knew that no matter how confident the other tried to be, the feeling of falling behind was hard on him, even terrifying.

For the coven, it was proof of weakness that Mingi had not found a soul yet, and for Mingi, a fear of falling behind, falling out, and being left alone. It was foolish because, for Yunho, the decision always would be an easy one. He’d rather leave with his best friend than stay, even if that meant giving up on his parents, as hard as that was.

“Well, there are many ways one can grow; it doesn’t mean that you have to do the ritual…” Yunho tried again, but he already knew it was rather pointless. Once Mingi set his mind on something, there was only success or hard failure with no room for recovery.

“It will be fine, just wait,” Mingi stood up, rolling his shoulders. “I am already feeling better, thanks,” he lied, and Yunho sighed but stood up, a soft smile on his lips. “Be careful and call me if you need anything.”

“This was the last shelf, and nothing is missing. I’m relieved! The last inventory check showed just how many books were stolen,” Seonghwa sighed as he handed you the list to sign with your name, confirming that the two of you had completed the task together. “I can’t blame them. As a student myself, I know the financial struggles too well.” You wouldn’t be able to study if it weren’t for this job and the financial help from your family, who saved up for your academic future since the day you were born.

Your life was rather uneventful: average family, normal childhood, and after graduation, you decided to study in a city about three hours away from your hometown. You moved into an apartment that barely deserved the name, just large enough to fit a bed and a desk, but it did the job. When you were looking for work, you found an ad for this bookstore that only sold books to students. Despite the niche market, there wasn’t a topic or major for which the store didn’t have literature.

It was a smart location, situated right next to the campus. Seonghwa’s parents opened the shop when he was little, and he took over when they wanted to go on a world trip. Although he was about the same age as you, he seemed content with his fate. The two of you got along well, and you also liked Jongho, who worked the other shift once a week. Sometimes, you both ran the shop together. He was a quiet guy but always seemed to know a little bit about everything whenever a student came in looking for a specific-themed book.

“Thanks again for helping. This just made it so much faster!” Seonghwa smiled and shrugged off the apron he wore with the store’s name and logo. Each of you had one, although Seonghwa took great care to ensure everyone had a color he thought suited them best. “I will make sure to repay you. How about a boba tea? That new store across the street seems promising.”

The idea was nice. Money was tight, and there were only so many times a month when you could treat yourself to snacks. “Sounds good! It’s been forever since I had one. Feel free to pick a flavor you approve of; anything will be fine!” Seonghwa chuckled. “Alright, love. I’ll be going then to get us something sweet. Do you think you’ll be okay alone?” You nodded. It wasn’t the first time you ran the store on your own by now. “Sure thing. It’s almost closing time, and I doubt anything will happen.”

Seonghwa smiled. “Okay, I’ll be back in no time.” You gave him a small wave and watched as he walked down the street. “I wonder more if he will be back in time, considering he seems quite smitten with somebody working there,” you chuckled to yourself as you started to prepare for closing the store. Since the two of you had just done the inventory for June, there wasn’t much left to do. With the new semester approaching and new students arriving, you slowly made room for new books, making the store feel a little emptier than usual until the deliveries arrived.

You flipped through a medical book that had fallen off a shelf. There was a quiet admiration for those who pursued such a difficult study, and you felt a little guilty that you were working towards a language degree with hopes of becoming a teacher abroad one day. You placed it back on the shelf when the doorbell announced a visitor. At first, you wondered if Seonghwa had returned quickly for a change, but instead, a tall stranger had entered, looking around.

There were a few things about him that stood out, from his height to his fashion, which somehow screamed emo with a modern touch. Maybe it was the tattoos, and you judged yourself for being so biased, especially since the only reason you still didn’t have a single one was because you chickened out every time you stood in front of a studio. While his hair wasn’t dyed, he had an undercut and wore quite a bit of jewelry.

You finally cleared your throat and tilted your head. “Can I help you?” His head turned around, and his eyes remained hidden behind a pair of sunglasses, which seemed a little off considering the sun hadn’t shown all day. You knew the expression of curiosity; it didn’t require visible eyes. It wasn’t the first time a new student came in too eager or just a tourist interested in the old building the bookstore was tucked into.

“You guys aren’t closed yet, are you?” he hummed, the question way too casual to be sincere. “No, we’re still open for about,” you checked your watch, “thirty more minutes. We only sell books related to the university, though. I know the name doesn’t always make it too obvious.” Ah, why did you just say that? It was rude to assume he wasn’t a hip art student or studying something like IT.

It didn’t seem like he took offense, though; the smile remained on his lips. “I’m aware. I was looking for a few particular historical books. I have a list if that helps?” A history student? Now that was a surprise. “Sure, let me have a look.” When he lifted his hand, you noticed just how many rings he wore on each finger. He really had a particular style.

After working here for almost two years, you knew a little bit about every section and could tell by two titles that this was an actual list. You read through it, picked up a basket, and placed each book inside. It couldn’t have taken more than five minutes when you returned, looking up at him. The stranger had taken off his sunglasses by now, and you blinked, admitting he had quite unique and handsome features, from the curious dark eyes to the little moles and plump lips.

You shook yourself awake by typing something on the keyboard. “We have everything but the one about the shamans. If I place an order today, it should be here by Monday. Would you like me to order it?” It would mean he’d have to give you his name, and you happened to be here on Monday too. Wait, why were you keen on that?!

“That would be cool! Would it be alright if I just reserve the other books and pick them up and pay for them all at once on Monday?” he asked, fingers brushing through his hair. “Sure, that’s no problem. I only need your name, and then I can make a note. I will be here on Monday, but my colleagues will also find it. Do you have a student ID? If you have one, we apply a 2% discount for the entire order. I can just prepare everything, and you will be quick on Monday.”

He looked at the basket and then back to you, smiling. “Sure, I have one. One second, it’s somewhere here.” It took him a moment before he pulled out a worn-out leather wallet and offered it to you. Your fingers took it as casually as possible, and you typed in the number before you had a quick glance at his name: Song Mingi. A unique one, at least you only ever encountered one Mingi before, and that was telling, working in a store with hundreds of new students every term.

“I see this is your first time shopping here. I can make you an account if you want to. It’s literally just your name and student number. At the end of the year, you can get a list from us to make use of the tax reduction for what you spent on your student materials…” He was staring at you, and you found yourself blushing. “Is something wrong?”

The smile turned into a grin. “I just thought you were pretty good-looking. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe?” Staring at him, you blinked. “I…uhm, thank you? I mean no, I am single.” Why did you give him this information? Maybe because this was the first time anyone flirted with you. It wasn’t rare for customers to bring gifts for Seonghwa in hopes of winning the young bookshop owner’s heart, so did Jongho. Considering you were here on most days and did not…

You didn’t think of yourself as unattractive, but you were just like your life: very down-to-earth and uneventful.

“Good to know,” he seemed pleased with your reaction, and the sunglasses returned to his nose. “And that would be great; those books get pretty expensive. I will come back on Monday then, same time?” The question seemed intended to find out if you would be here, and while everyone would likely tell you to be less reckless with a stranger, you nodded.

The moment Mingi walked out of the store, a heavy sigh left his lips as he got a last glimpse of you through the large window of the bookstore. How strange that after looking for so long, he finally found someone like you — a soul living its final life.

There was a special magic that remained in such a soul, and upon release, a witch could consume it. Well, that was the simple way to describe it because the offering had to be made willingly, or else it would simply disappear like all the others when there was nothing left for it, passing over for good.

Mingi’s phone rang, and he sighed, noting the name of his best friend. He hesitated but eventually answered. “I’ll be back soon. Did you miss me so much?” he joked, but Yunho’s silence was telling. The witch rolled his eyes as he watched his shadow grow as the sun began to set. “What’s with calling me just to be quiet?” It made him nervous, although he would never admit it.

“How did it go?” Yunho sounded too concerned, which was odd for a witch as talented as him. “I found one,” Mingi finally shared, shrugging to himself. “Works at a bookstore close to our new university. Probably our age. Somewhat cute but no signs of, you know, being different from other humans or knowing that it’s the last one…”

Mingi lied to himself every time he said he was fine with the traditions of his coven and the way they worked their magic. He was desperate to fit in, no matter what he needed to do. He couldn’t bear the thought of being alone.

You felt a little silly by the time you made it to the bookstore. It was quite obvious just how much effort you put into your outfit today; you even applied a little bit of makeup and fixed your hair. Seonghwa was curious right away, but because it was a rather busy day, you managed to dodge his attempts at questioning you. When the evening came around and the end of your shift, you started to wonder if maybe you had let yourself be tricked into thinking Mingi really would come.

You were tidying up your apron when the door opened and Seonghwa made a knowing noise. You were just hanging your bag over your shoulder when you noticed the tall figure standing there. Mingi looked quite a bit different from last time: while still modern and very handsome, he wore glasses and a hat that made him look much more mature, together with a more tuned down oufit. When your gazes met, he grinned, "Sorry, I got a little distracted, am I too late?”

He didn’t look like he was here to pick up a bunch of books, but more to ask you out for a date. For some reason, it seemed you had the same thought, because there was a gentle hope that just maybe, luck would be on your side. Why not? If anyone else always got those random dates, why not you?

“You must be Mister Song? The book you ordered arrived,” Seonghwa chuckled and pulled the paper bag up. “Everything is already packed, so you only have to pay.” Mingi seemed to force himself a little to look at the store owner, but he wasn’t unkind. “Thank you. I appreciate it was as quick.” He paid and took the bag, looking at you again.

“Looks like you finished work?” Before you could say something, Seonghwa was already about it, giving you a gentle shove. “Oh yes, we are done here for the day. It’s a lovely evening for a change, no rain or anything. Enjoy!” He winked at you, and before you could say anything, the two of you were out on the street. You cleared your throat, “Sorry about that, he’s always quite keen on… things.”

Mingi laughed, leaning down a little to look at you. “Well, it’s quite late and you shouldn’t be out alone. Maybe I can walk you home, unless… you have a bit of time?” So it was a date! You tried to hide your excitement about going out with a stranger you knew nothing about other than his name, age, and major. “Ah, sure! I don’t work tomorrow and my lectures are in the late afternoon.”

He seemed happy about your answer and turned around. “Mind to come to my car with me? It’s nearby, just want to drop the books there.” You gave him a quick nod and walked beside him. Mingi adjusted his steps to match yours, looking at you. “So, you know my major, what about you?” His question seemed genuine, so you decided to give him the proper answer.

“It’s boring, but I want to work as a teacher overseas, for languages. I thought it would be amazing to live abroad, teaching older students. I know almost everyone seems to do it these days, but I want to do it properly, which is why I decided to study.” Your parents hadn’t been all thrilled about it, as you could have done anything, but they supported you.

Mingi did not seem to be disappointed about your answer but more invested. “Interesting! I take it that means you like to travel? Any places you would like to go to? It could be to work or just to visit and enjoy a vacation. I always tell myself I would, but you could say studies keep me here…” You felt there was more to it, but it would be rude to ask.

Instead, you tapped a finger against your chin, trying to figure out an answer. “Hmm, I feel like there are just so many places one could go, you know? I mean, our country is beautiful, but I really would like to see more of the world. Maybe places where cultures really clash, like Canada or Australia, which is a little silly. I’m not sure if they would hire a Korean teacher there.” You laughed and looked at him.

Mingi seemed to have taken quite an interest in your face; his smile had changed from the overly confident version from earlier to something gentle. “I do not think it sounds silly. If anything, it’s smart. I feel there is quite a demand for just that.” He nodded and pointed towards a black van. “This is my car.”

It wasn’t what you expected, but at the same time, fitting. “I will wait here, take your time,” you nodded, and he winked. “It only will take a second.” He stepped over and opened the trunk, placing the books inside before returning to your side. Oh, this man was bold. You couldn’t stop thinking that when he offered his arm to you. “Shall we?” There was a hint of hesitation; you questioned if you were so desperate at this point to accept it so easily.

Your dating experiences weren’t even worth a mention. There was a cute guy in high school, a few dates in the first year of college, but that was about it. You always figured that you simply were too ordinary and your drive to be in a relationship too low to try and change that. It didn’t mean you did not enjoy the idea; the chance to explore it was too tempting to miss out on. “Where are we going?”

Mingi did not seem to be too suspicious about your hesitations; he just was too confident to worry about it. “Well, I am a history major, so the most logical thing to me is to take you to a place that suits this while being cute,” he chuckled. “There is this active exhibition going on right now; I thought that could be fun. If you do not feel like that, though, we can just grab some food and then get you home.”

Now you really felt bad for purely judging him for the tattoos on his neck you were sure to have seen on the first day, which seemed to be covered by his outfit today. He really was more than his appearance or the confidence he portrayed. “Oh no, that sounds fun! I just should warn you, it has been quite some time since I went to a place like that.”

Mingi was surprised just how trusting you were. Back at the store, upon first meeting, he had thought of you as a confident person because you were in your own territory. It was why he decided to approach you there first instead of going for a random flirt, but now, you almost seemed too generous to a stranger.

No, he did not start and get attached, especially not that quickly, or he wouldn’t be any better. Then again, it wasn’t so easy because he could sense the radiant energy that your soul held. A soul that reached the end of its human circle was the strongest. It was why so many supernatural beings were usually drawn to it, but it seemed your life had been rather quiet so far. Good for him; he could do this with fewer worries…

The exhibition was designed for tourists, with giant items, some of them interactive, arranged to resemble a playground. Mingi watched you with curiosity as you looked surprisingly excited by the time he bought the tickets.

“If I’d have known they did something like this, maybe I’d have come sooner,” you joked, and Mingi smiled. He watched as you stepped ahead, looking around, passing by other visitors, some of whom were couples. Mingi had no experience when it came to dating. While his confidence wasn’t necessarily a lie, it just didn’t work so easily for him. Love meant letting people in, and with that either, lying or sharing the truth. But how did you explain to anyone that he was part of a witch coven?

He stopped as you picked the swing of all things, looking a little shy at him. He could tell you hoped he’d push you. “Really? If you wanted to do this, we could have just gone to an actual playground,” he teased, but Mingi stepped behind it. The swing was covered in leaves, making it look like it was part of a jungle.

“We could, but there we would be judged as strange adults. Here we can do it while pretending it’s all for gaining knowledge.” At least, you were witty. Mingi liked it and hoped to see a little more to it. After all, he needed to win you over so you would volunteer to leave your soul to him by the time of your end… He pushed the thought aside and started to aid you with the swinging.

“You seem too confident to care about the opinions of others,” he started, a means to try and get to know you better. It was easier to ask questions when you did not have to look the other in the eye. Considering that silence followed as you moved, Mingi assumed you were more careful with your answer.

“I guess I am, but then I am not. It’s hard to explain, but I feel as I start confident, but then when I think about it, I get nervous. Then, it’s like I never was confident to begin with, you know?”

Your voice was thoughtful as you swung through the air, and Mingi was a little speechless because he knew that feeling exactly. He too often tried to act confident, but then, when feelings and thoughts came crashing in, he crumbled. Just he tried to hide it, and for all other times, he had Yunho, who stepped in to shelter him.

He hated feeling so weak.

You had to cling to the swing not to fall forward when it was suddenly forcefully stopped, but before you could complain about it, Mingi’s face was close. This time, you could see his eyes clearly and the two moles that felt so unique. His breath tickled your skin, and you had no idea just what was going on anymore. You swallowed as he slowly leaned in, his long lashes seemed ready to shut when you found yourself leaning back.

“Ah…. I’m sorry, I think this is too early,” you whispered, and whatever had gotten over him seemed to be gone. The man blinked and shook his head: “Yeah! Sorry! I just, you know! Sad topics, never mind, I mean we do not have to talk about it, I get it.” It was obvious that he was a little lost , so you tried to fix it, getting up with a smile.

“No, don’t worry about it, I do not mind! It’s nice knowing somebody understands it, you know?” You dropped the topic. “Well, shall we look at the rest and then get some food? There is a burger place Hwa recommended to me the other day nearby.”

Mingi managed to smile; you were certain it was more forced this time. Whatever was on his mind must be quite serious, and you felt bad for likely having been the reason for it. “Sure, sounds good.”

You tried your best to make the rest of your time at the museum more comfortable, asking questions about if he came here often and what his favorite exhibition had been. Slowly, Mingi relaxed again, and the conversation was casual and fun. He knew quite a bit about it although not being an art major but shared how he had considered studying that, but his family insisted on something more traditional. He spoke about his enjoyment of music and interest in fashion.

Every time you complimented it, his smile seemed to grow and it made you oddly happy. You enjoyed listening to him, and Mingi made sure to give you time to share your thoughts on it. By the time you made it to the burger shop, nobody would be able to guess that the two of you only had known each other for more or less one day.

“Mh, I didn’t remember they were so expensive,” you mumbled to yourself. Mingi chuckled: “You know, I could just invite you?” You hurried to shake your head: “No! You paid for the museum, shame on them for taking money from students… I got this!” He waved his hands: “How about we share the fries? I never will eat an entire package on my own anyway.”

You could tell he was trying to help, so you sighed and gave in, just mentally reminding yourself this would mean living off instant food for the next week to come. Once the order was set and the tray carried to a small table, the two of you ate and Mingi relaxed back, eyes wandering outside the window. “I admit, this was a lot more fun than I expected. Yunho comes with me sometimes but he’s really busy with his work; I feel bad to ask him to tag along to things like that.”

This was the second time the name slipped, first earlier when you looked at a painting of a dog. “A friend?” you asked, picking up a fry and watching him nod. The way he smiled made it obvious that this Yunho must be important to the student. “He’s been my best friend since early childhood, pretty much like a brother.”

This must be nice, having a friend like that. You couldn’t complain, really. You had quite a few good friends but none of them was to the level of being considered equal to a sibling. “Is he also some edgy and tall guy like you?” you asked playfully with a wink. Mingi rolled his eyes, smirking: “Please, edgy is such an old-style word! Nah, he is taller than myself but other than that, very caring.”

You laughed: “Likely very popular with the girls.” Mingi shrugged, finishing his chicken burger. “Who knows, I tell him to take his chances but like I said… he’s somewhat busy.” You nodded, deciding not to pry today; if anything, you might learn more about it naturally. “So, I had a lot of fun today. Thanks for inviting me. That leaves it, well, I still do not have your number.”

Mingi blinked, realizing you were right, and he chuckled, taking out his phone and offering it to you. “Let’s change that then!” You smiled and gave him yours before you both saved each other. When you checked under what he registered himself, you playfully rolled your eyes: “Tall Handsome, really?” He rose from the chair: “Just making sure! It’s getting late, let’s get you home.”

When he said it was time to go, you were a little disappointed but he was right. While your semester was as good as over, you had a few extra classes taken for the credits. You walked back to his van and he drove you to your apartment complex.

“Next time, the plan’s on me,” you offered with a smile and Mingi nodded. “Sounds good… sleep well.” You hesitated for a moment before leaning in, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before getting out of the car. You were confident there was a hint of a blush on his cheek as he smiled and drove off.

“Ah, this was such a long and expensive day,” you sighed to yourself before stopping in front of the mailboxes. A few envelopes were shoved inside yours. You sighed as you opened them and looked at the signature of the university. “Always so in time with the payment note for the next term…”

You flipped through the others, sorted out ads, and moved over to the trashcans to leave what you didn’t need right away when a pale hand appeared, opening the can for you. You looked up in surprise, facing a man that was about your own height. You did not pay too much attention to that, though; his features were much more captivating. It was hard to describe but there was something oddly beautiful about him. Sharp yet elegant, knowing, and curious eyes, a casual smile on his lips as his free hand brushed through dark brown curls.

“Thank you,” you mumbled. A quick glance over the rest of his appearance made you wonder what he was doing here. While his style was certainly unique, it wasn’t difficult to spot pricy brands, nothing people in this neighborhood wore. Yet, for some reason, he seemed familiar. Maybe you did encounter him before?

“You are welcome. It’s a little late to get out the trash; being out after dark is a little dangerous or so I heard,” his voice was melodic, and you had a hard time looking at him as for some reason, he made you nervous. What was it with handsome men suddenly paying attention to you this month?

“It’s not as bad as the press wants you to think,” you joked but fixed your bag. “I am about to get up so…” His smile did not fade, eyes fixed on you before he nodded. “Well, I actually acquired this building today. Guess, I’ll see you then. Sleep well.” It was hard to tell what felt more off, the bow he gave you or the news that he bought this building… he couldn’t be much older than yourself, and why would anyone want this?

All you could do was stare as he walked into the night. Yes, this really was a strange day. “Mh, gosh, I spend too much time with books!” You patted your cheeks like it would wake you up before disappearing into your small apartment.

Hongjoong sighed as he settled into the armchair close to the fireplace. On the day he arrived in this city, he knew right away he had finally found you after searching for two centuries.

Your soul was burning so brightly, so beautifully, that he would have enjoyed it if not for knowing that by the time he finally managed to track you down, you truly had reached your final life.

You looked different this time, but it did not matter. If anything, he quite enjoyed seeing you so lively, so stubborn, and confident. In the life you met him, society had been very different, and you had to give in to the status of your family and what they wanted from you.

Hongjoong had really practiced his patience for you, back then and now. If he could, he would just walk in and shake your soul up a little, reminding it that in a previous life, you loved him too and that the connection between the two of you was surely still there.

He would likely have done it if not for the little witch clinging so closely to you all day. Hongjoong knew exactly what that one wanted from you, and there was no way he would lose you ever again, as unlike that guy, he wanted all of you, and all you had to do for that was to devote your soul to him.

#ateez x reader #ateez au #ateez supernatural #ateez fanfiction #hongjoong x reader #mingi x reader #ateez series #hongjoong x you #mingi x you #ateez writing #supernatural tag #mg tag #hj tag #reis writes #amaranth

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omniblades-and-stars · 4 months ago

Note

ANY ship with Zaeed + #20 I am nothing if not predictable

From this ask meme here.

CW: Brief mention of suicidal threats/ideation.

Blue light seeped in underneath the curtains.

One. Two. Three seconds.

She had been counting since the first rumbling warning. And still, the thunder made her jump.

The nights with the storms were the worst. When thunder boomed and the echoes of it bounced between mountain peaks, nestling into the valleys just as lightning illuminated the night sky with the kind of intensity only available to it by the total lack of light pollution. No city lights to dampen the way it seared her vision, leaving a lasting impression in auras that remained even when she closed her eyes tight against it.

The distant rumbling was a threat. It pulled her away from her home, to where thunder became the explosive cacophony of anti-aircraft artillery and that guttural and unnatural growl of Reaper destroyers. Lightning transformed into devastating laser canon fire and that horrible, bright-burning beam that by all rights should have led her to her death. But the galaxy didn't see fit to give in to her exhaustion and let her go to her final rest just yet.

On nights like this, she wished it had.

Jane sat in the night dark living room, curtains drawn and head buried in her hands because her skull felt like it was in a vice. She hated how something so simple, so natural as a thunderstorm turned her into a quaking, crying child. Like her legendary courage turned heel and ran - not so courageous after all in the face of nature. But she couldn't shoot at a storm, couldn't direct a counter attack from within the safety of the Normandy's hull and shields.

Blue light splashed across her hunched back and shaking shoulders.

One. Two seconds.

Jane jumped again.

She tried it once, shooting at the storm. Terrified and angry that she was scared, she found her old Predator and unloaded an entire thermal clip into the clouds, screaming her rage and desperation to just not feel fucking scared anymore as she did so. It was stupid. And worse, it didn't even make her feel better.

Being soaked in the torrential downpour made it easier for her and Zaeed to both hold onto the fiction that she wasn't crying when he rushed outside, fearing something much worse than that display of Shepard's rapidly declining mental state.

Jane didn't know where any of the guns were anymore. For all she knew, Zaeed got rid of every last one, even Jesse. He never said as much, but she knew he worried that the next thing she pointed a gun at when this happened would be herself.

Jane wanted to be angry about it. She wanted to turn the storm raging against her own chest and unleash it at Zaeed in a gale force torrent for daring to show concern so quietly. It should have been a blowout, heated words to each other they couldn't take back so she could justify the way she hated herself at times. If he hated her for being weak and scared too, then at least there was a reason for the heat in her lungs, the monster with angry claws scraping grooves in the bone inside her skull - trapped in a casket of its own making.

Blue light flashed twice, visible now from the little window in the kitchen, lighting up the sink beneath it, banishing the darkness for only a moment.

One second.

Jane jumped to her feet.

Knowing the storm was getting closer did not make up for how much louder it was in the holler. It was no longer over the ridge where the low mountain peak would dampen the sound. The aftershocks grumbled out across the shallow river down the hill as if the storm was somehow inconvenienced by the geography it found itself hanging over.

It shook the floor as she turned for the steps that would lead up to her own bedroom. The place that was meant to be her solace, her solitude. In the dark, it was a yawning cavern, the echoes of her worst memories bounced off the walls, the walls that seemed to shift with the distant flash of far off lightning. The warped shadows played too many tricks with her mind when she was there alone.

There was a different door, an open threshold only a few short steps away, an offer of comfort, even if a quiet, unspoken one. There was a barrier there, visible only to herself. Timid footsteps brought her to it, stopping just shy of the frame.

Electric blue filled the room, framing a specter in the doorway with an otherworldly glow. A wraith lingered there, thinner than she'd ever been, hair tangled, no longer bound by regulations or the need for practicality, she was an echo herself, wreathed so briefly in that eerie light.

The resounding bang rattled the creaking bones of a house and a woman in concert.

Jane trembled.

"You're not a ghost, Janey. Stop looming like one and get in bed already," Zaeed's characteristically prodding words belied the quiet, gentle way he only ever spoke when she had one boot on the battleground again. Jarring, not because they were rough words, but because they weren't.

She hesitated.

Before, when life wasn't assured, when her entire universe was cut down to two possibilities, win or everything ends, it had been easy to fall into his bed. Easier for both of them. It wasn't serious they told themselves. Stress relief, entertainment, a warm fucking body to sleep next to on the rare occasion more than a couple of hours of sleep was to be had between battles and negotiations and chasing lead after lead while barreling head first into oblivion. A body who knew the flashbacks, the paranoia, the changes, and didn't make a fuss about it. It wasn't supposed to be serious. Wasn't supposed to be anything more than it was on the outside - comfort when there wasn't any to be had anywhere else.

An illusion.

After? When she woke up with new scars, new ghosts, and the closest thing to a guarantee of a naturally long life as she was likely to get? Everything was changed all at once. She held onto the narrative that there wasn't anything else because it felt safer than ... what?

Another streak of light filtered in through half-drawn blinds.

One second.

The rumbling ground urged her feet forward, past her imaginary barrier, a staggering rhythm that shattered her precious illusion. Cracks formed in the fragile shell she built up around herself, fault lines growing in her one-sided resolve to close herself away.

It was stupid.

And worse, it didn't even make her feel better.

Blue light flickered long shadows across the bed as she gracelessly struck her knee on the simple wooden frame and fell forward, blinded by the spots burned in her vision.

One. Two seconds.

She froze, eyes clenched tight against the retreating but noisome onslaught of Mother Nature. A warm hand wrapped over her shoulder, guiding her under the blanket, an offering of shelter. Her earlier hesitation fallen by the wayside as she scrambled towards safety, not unlike rolling for cover under fire. If cover was a warm, breathing man that she'd lived with for months pretending that also didn't mean anything.

He'd provided cover under fire for her before, and that made this whole endeavor feel so ridiculous that if she'd been in a better mind state, she might have laughed. As it was, she allowed Zaeed to pull her in tight against his chest, closing her eyes in a vain attempt to keep tears of relief from streaking down already glistening cheeks.

Fainter now, flickers of light played shadow puppet branches across the wall.

One. Two. Three seconds.

She felt, as much as could through the scarring left behind when that horrible inferno blast hit her face, replacing the intricate webs left behind by Cerberus with thick welts, rough lips press against her cheek.

"Storm's almost gone, Janey. Get some sleep."

Jane exhaled, letting free the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

The flash was fainter now, doubtless the storm had moved further over the ridge.

One. Two. Three. Four seconds.

Jane slept.

#daisy screaming into the void #this is my ask game tag now #is this good? it took me so long to write i forgot to check if it is sensical or good #oh well #releasing it into the wild now like a rehabilitated deer or something like that #anyways i will be cribbing off this for holding onto hell eventually

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