#but doing things for Mc is very psychologically rewarding for him

[llamagoddessofficial]

Do you consider any of your skeles to be neurodivergent? And if so, what flavor of neurospicy are they?

As someone who thought they were neurotypical until very recently (guess who was probably autistic this whole time) I'm always hesitant to put neurodivergent labels on my boys, simply because I don't want to end up misrepresenting a really serious issue. I've always believed that my characters are open to individual interpretation, and if you look at one of them and see yourself/your own neurodivergency reflected in them, the last thing you need is me clumsily rolling in and going UHMMM ACTUALLY THEY HAVE [insert completely incorrect view on mental illness] SORRY.

If you look at one of my skeles, and you see a particular neurodivergency that speaks to you, it's canon. Everyone's individual interpretation is canon. That's my rules. I'm definitely interested to see what people think!

That being said, if we're looking at my individual interpretation of my boys, I do have some thoughts.

Sans: I think we can all agree this man is depressed. There's no argument there. But as someone with two siblings and a parent that have ADHD I also see a lot of inattentive ADHD reflected in him. Though his ability to read people has made him pretty good at masking his main issues, others can't help but peek through- the executive dysfunction when it comes to "basic" chores and tasks that don't interest him, hyperfocusing on a particular subject and working himself into exhaustion on his 'projects'.

Red: To me, Red has anxiety. Anyone would after living in his world- his Pap probably does too. But since weakness cannot be tolerated, his anxiousness manifests as a more acceptable outlet in the form of aggression. Even when he's with people he trusts, he finds it hard to ever completely relax, constantly restless an 'on edge'. As soon as any of his fears begin to manifest, if he can't escape, he lashes out in seemingly over-the-top manners.

Skull: PTSD is a big one. And his relationship with food isn't exactly... stellar. But also given my sudden closeness to the subject of autism Skull does seem to fit an oddly large number of those criteria. Desiring safety in mundane routine above all else, getting upset if the routines are broken. Struggles with/fears social situations, loud spaces are overwhelming, he can come across as blunt and uncaring. Unless it's his loved ones he despises being touched- and when it is his loved ones he has difficulty registering what is and isn't 'normal' and displays his affection in ways that can seem bizarre and frightening in their intensity if you don't know him.

[necros-writing-stuff]

Darius with a psychotherapist! MC. MC is a young, but very professional specialist. As a doctor, she feels only compassion for Darius even after the kidnapping. She doesn't blame Darius, but she doesn't play by his rules either (she doesn't play the role of a wife, refuses to cook for him). She does not resist during sex, but does not give him an emotional reaction, just "turns off" for this period using psychological techniques. "Please, Darius, I know you don't really want to hurt me. You don't need my love, you need to love yourself. Let me help you." MS sincerely wants to help Darius as a doctor and has no feelings for him except as a professional duty. Will Darius agree to her help or leave everything as it is?

Darius wants to break her. He wants to see that professional exterior crack, to have her scream for him as she takes his cock, her nails leaving red trails down his back.

He wants her to realise that he can take such good care of her, that she doesn't need a job or to think so hard with her fancy degree. Just do simple things for him, and he'll reward her with everything she could imagine.

Dare dirty talks like a mother fucker when she's below him and trying to disassociate. He says anything and everything that comes to his mind, just keeps chattering. Just so that her attention is on him. Just so that when he looks into her eyes, he sees that she knows its him taking her. It'll only ever be him.

[etirabys]

btw, I got into reading the book on Chinese history because I watched Nirvana in Fire, my favorite East Asian drama I’ve watched yet, and I realized I was totally unequipped to write fanfiction. So here’s one of my fanfic pitches!

This is spoilery for NiF, and also features dubcon/noncon, semi solitary confinement, and Stockholm syndrome. I am a dead dove writer through and through – please steer clear if you don’t like dead dove fics!

Has MCS/Jingyan as endgame ship but frankly the most psychologically interesting relationship in it right now is MCS/Prince Yu.

The fic diverges from show canon when Prince Yu's rebellion succeeds! Prince Yu decapitates the Emperor and puts out a fairly unconvincing lie that Jingyan did it and ran away. Jingyan is still out trying to get reinforcements, but he does get messengers telling him not to return (for now) and instead flee to try to recoup with a larger power base. MCS is among Prince Yu's captives.

MCS puts on a show of switching back to Prince Yu's side, which Prince Yu 70% buys. As a precaution, he puts MCS in solitary confinement and is the only one to visit him. MCS gives Prince Yu advice, which is examined like a hawk. Despite the severe constraints, MCS manages to influence Prince Yu in a way that is subtly favorable to Jingyan. MCS also notices that Prince Yu is hella unstable about his heritage, the way his father saw him, and the way he killed his father, and manipulates him about it. Because this takes months during which he doesn't see other humans beings, and he's necessarily using Prince Yu's deepest feelings – rather than his ambitions – to manipulate him, he ends up kind of emotionally attached.

Throughout this, Prince Yu starts fucking MCS as a form of control, revenge, humiliation, and affection. MCS never says no, and in some ways he does enjoy it, but overall it's an unpleasant experience that very much fucks him up and deepens his "Jingyan will never accept me, I'm not Lin Shu anymore, Lin Shu wouldn't do this" issues.

Eventually, Jingyan storms the capital, Prince Yu decants MCS out of the dungeons to use as one last form of defense/manipulation, which doesn't really work – Jingyan ends up killing Prince Yu in front of MCS. In his last few minutes alive, Prince Yu realizes that, once more, MCS has betrayed him for his lesser brother. As he dies, he asks for some kind of explanation. MCS, who is emotionally wrenched and crying just a little bit, leans in and tells him the truth – that he's Lin Shu, that Prince Yu never had a shot of gaining his loyalty if it meant he had to work against Jingyan. That, in another world, he would not have found Prince Yu impossible to follow and be loyal to. Prince Yu is at least a little insane by this point and finds this absolutely hilarious – he dies laughing.

And in a way, it's a truly satisfying resolution for him – the main thing that started driving him insane was finding out about his birth circumstances and realizing that, by the rules of his universe, he might be a human being who is fundamentally unworthy of loyalty or reward. MCS's second betrayal was truly devastating to him – they both got attached to each other – so knowing that the reason is "really old, unbreakable bond to someone else" rather than "no one wants me I guess" actually gives him some measure of peace. Anyway, Jingyan's there watching this incredibly intense 60 second interaction, going, ????

Meng Zhi is also there, watching MCS cry a little bit over The Worst Human Being, also going ???

MCS may not be in a state of moderate undress at this point because Prince Yu sexually humiliated him in front of an audience in an attempt to rattle Jingyan et al

Anyway, I'm a MCS/Jingyan shipper, so I also want the story after this point to be the painful game of telephone Jingyan and MCS play afterwards where MCS is like "okay I guess you'll discard me now that I've been so thoroughly dishonored?" and Jingyan is like "wtf you went through all that bullshit while helping ME, I don't think I can ever repay, I'm mortified at how much I'm unable to repay" and, also, yeah, "oof yeah I have hangups about masculinity and rape and I don't really know how to interact with a rape victim and also treat him as an intellectual peer. We don’t talk about it? That’s the respectful thing, right?"

(Then it gets better but the ways it which it gets better are obvious and don’t need full explanation)

[ikemen-girl]

Hello, sweety! I don't know if you're currently taking up request or not (please don't mind this ask if you're not doing it right now ^^). I'm a teacher and seeing how Mitsuhide teaches MC in his route, may I request you for a HC of Mitsuhide finds out that his MC is a teacher as well in her future life? I really want to know how he would react on that. Thank you for visiting my blog beforehand and hoping you a wonderful upcoming weekend! ✨🍀

Hellooooo dear 😍😍♥️♥️, thank you very much for this interesting request 🥰💗! I am also aspiring to become a teacher in few years so I am very glad to meet you😍😍! And I would like to say that you are an amazing artist👏🙌! I hope you also have a great weekend💃🌹! So, here we go😉~

Ikesen Headcanon⚔💗

Mitsuhide reacting to a MC being a Teacher👩‍🏫:

You loved teaching children😍❤ but you ended up in the sengoku era while travelling to Kyoto on a school trip with your students & other teachers leaving a very good life in the modern era😩 & accidentally saved Nobunaga's life to your surprise & Mitsuhide took a special interest in you👀 & his mind-reading skills used to freak you out😨.

You were honestly terrified after stepping on the battlefield for the first time in your life😱 when you have been always surrounded by the laughter & twinkling eyes of children and you were missing it terribly😭, to top it all, the shock of seeing a man die infront of your eyes was too overwhelming, so you fell unconscious😵 & Mitsuhide carried you back in Azuchi Castle.

"Starting from tomorrow, I will be your teacher, little mouse, for the subject matters, I think, tactics, equestrianism, self defense, firearms seems a good start😏!", said Mitsuhide with a huge smirk on his face.

"I hope you will be a good pupil, little mouse🐭!", said Mitsuhide as he stood and gave you a head-pat.

"Pffffttttt, I am waiting for that moment", you murmured, chuckling to yourself🤭.

"Did you say something?", asked Mitsuhide turning back to look at her.

"I am looking forward for tomorrow, Mitsuhide-sensei, goodnight😅!", she straighten up with a slight bow. Mitsuhide smiled at her🙂 and goes outside the room.

"His smile creeps me out, well, nevermind. I am excited to see the surprise on his face tomorrow😁", she let out a huge grin.

"Before starting up on the actual studies, I would like to test your knowledge base, here is your questions sheet, fill it up, little mouse📝!", said Mitsuhide as he gave her the question paper with a smirk on his face😏.

You took it, pretending to be afraid of the test making him amused, "Go on, little mouse, it's not that difficult, I assure you!", he said with a amused grin on his face😄. As you look down at the questions on Japanese literature, history & general knowledge, on the inside, you were so happy 💃while on the outside, you kept a face of a child who is horrified at the thought of giving an exam😱.

You submitted your answer sheet to him and as Mitsuhide scanned it, his eyes went wide with shock😲, he was NOT expecting this at all. You honestly wished that you have a camera 📷 to capture his expression which was so funny to say the least. Each & every answer was correct💯.

"How😳?", it's the only word that came out his mouth. You couldn't control anymore & burst out laughing loudly🤣. "Because I am also a teacher, Mitsuhide👩‍🏫", you said with a proud look on your face. "What😳?", he was left speechless once again which only made it harder for you to control your laughter.

"You really surprised me there, little mouse😅!", Mitsuhide laughs along with you to hide his flustered expression. "So, what do you teach🤔?", he asked, curious to know about you.

"Let's see, I mainly teach japanese literature & history, apart from it, I am well versed in general knowledge, english literature, I love art, psychology, etc, so if any child wants to learn it, I teach these skills to them as well with full excitement as being around them & seeing them grow in their lives makes me so happy🤩❤!", you said with a biggest smile on your face🥰 & eyes shining with happiness since you came to this era👀✨. Mitsuhide was, to be very honest, awestruck seeing your genuine happiness☺️.

As much as Mitsuhide didn't want to interrupt you, but he grew suspicious of your origin as being this educated in this era was surprisingly rare especially in something like english literature🤔. "Who are you & where are you from, mysterious little mouse? Tell me all your secrets, little one", he asked, narrowing his gaze at you👀.

You froze for a moment😳 as you knew very well that you have raised his suspicions when you were rambling non-stop😬 & you couldn't lie or else you will be in huge trouble😓. "Why should I tell you when you are also a potential "traitor" in Oda forces infront of everyone, hm?", you asked jokingly trying to avoid the question😅. "Little mouse, I am used to prying out the secrets and I would not prefer to use the same techniques on you", he said with a frown on his face🤨 unknown to him but you noticed the discomfort in his expression & sighed.

So you showed him your purse👜 and told him everything about yourself as Mitsuhide listened patiently. "So our little mouse came from 500 years in the future, it's hard to believe but you have proof with yourself, now I can see the reason how you are so innocent & untouched by the realities of this time", said Mitsuhide with a amused smirk😏.

"I have only told you the truth, rest is up to you to believe in me", you said with a pout☹.

"Don't pout, I believe in you, little one, as you have been a very nice girl, I will treat you with tea & sweets🍵🍡 as a reward, little mouse", Mitsuhide said caressing your cheek with his thumb😏. You honestly couldn't stop yourself from smiling after hearing the offer😍.

Mitsuhide was overcome with affection for her as she believed in him as a person despite having her doubts and confided in him with everything, he made a secret vow to himself to protect her from everything❤.

You both went to the teahouse together & suddenly Kyubei called Mitsuhide for giving some urgent information. Mitsuhide excused himself for a moment while you were happily eating your sweets😍, but then, you heard some men were talking bad things about him behind his back & you couldn't stand seeing & listening something wrong so you strongly defended him infront of them😡, not caring for the fact that you had no weapons on yourself, one of the men tried to hit you but Mitsuhide arrived in time to rescue you from them😎.

So this started the strong feeling of love in heart of Mitsuhide towards you😍💓💞 as nobody has ever done something like this for him, he was so impressed by the fact that you strongly stood for your values proving your strength of sense of justice as a teacher & a good person by heart☺️💯.

He continued training you in survival skills like self defense, horseriding, shooting as you were already were well-versed in theory. In exchange, you would definitely teach him english literature & tell him about many fascinating things about the human mind & everything you know about future along with many other things😍, you both loved spending time with each other and always look forward to such meetings everyday.

Once, you were well trained in these skills, you gave your gratitude towards your "teacher" Mitsuhide by gifting him a very beautiful portrait✍❤ of him playing with his pet fox, Chimaki🦊. He couldn't resist hugging you tightly the moment, he laid his eyes on it🤗💗. You yourself was the biggest & the most precious gift for him in his life but your gift made him the most happiest person💓😢, he would definitely try to hide his happiness with a amused smirk & headpat but you can see through his facade that he is genuinely happy🥰. He would definitely put the portrait in such a place where everyone could see his little mouse's amazing skills😎😏.

After facing many difficulties together, you both confessed your feelings towards each other💐 and you both were a lovely couple infront of everyone😍👫💗.

You would both use knowledge of english as a medium for infiltration as spies together in other territories🧐. Surprisingly, a language, i.e., english, became a special kind of exchange & secret code between you☺️ and Mitsuhide😏 as you both would often converse in english infront of other warlords much to their surprise & confusion🙄😳🤔.

As you were always willing to stay by his side, he used to take you along to infiltrate certain places, your skill of art would definitely come as a big help for Mitsuhide💯, as you could easily draw the suspects making his workload way more easier than it was before✍😌.

In exchange, Mitsuhide would always make sure that you were not uncomfortable in such investigation trips, he would always give you tips in dancing, singing, acting, etc 🤗 and also expect loads of teasings while he is at it, fufufufu😘.

You both being the best teachers around in Azuchi would definitely use this opportunity to teach as many children as possible who don't have access to proper education without asking for anything in return as you both did it for your own self-satisfaction & happiness in your free times💛. Mitsuhide generally taught the skills of self defense🤼‍♂️, weaponry🔫, etc while you would educate the kids in literatures, general knowledge & art👩‍🏫. Children would also always look forward to meeting both of you everyday🥰❤🤗. It became one of your most favourite & productive ways to spend time with each other❤. Children also ships you both together, mind you👀❤🤭!

Mitsuhide loved the way your eyes sparkles with happiness👀✨ whenever you are around the children🥰😘❤ and can't help falling more deeply in love with you😍💓.

He would always praise you infront of everyone, everytime he gets a chance😏. Cue warlords- We know that already, Mitsuhide, you just told us🤦‍♂️. Mitsuhide: Hooooh~But not that...😏 endless praise begins & he shuts up only when you take him outside the council room dying of embarrasment😳🙈🤦‍♀️ to which he only laughs loudly🤣😏.

Mitsuhide would often call you "my brilliant little mouse💯🐭!", as his way of showing affection towards you💗😏. Cue you blushing deep shade of red tomato and running away from him😳🙈🍅.

Extra~

"You really love her, huh?", asked Hideyoshi as he was walking down the hallways😆. "Obviously, I love her with all my heart💗, she is the brightest star of my life🌟!", said Mitsuhide, his eyes filled with love and a beautiful smile on his face.

"Was that a genuine smile on your face, Mitsuhide?!", exclaimed Hideyoshi, shocked😲.

"My, My, Hideyoshi, I don't have any idea what you are talking about😏", said Mitsuhide as he realised that his facade broke their for a moment out of his love for you. Hideyoshi *eye twitch* : whatever🙄!

Mitsuhide then went looking for you to tease and shower you with all his love & affection❤😏.

Hope, you all enjoyed it❤😍🤗. Comments are appreciated😇!

[valkyrieofsmut]

How would the boys react if they were out with mc and a guy was hitting on mc but before they can get to her the guy puts there hands on her and mc just snaps and does some sort of move to put them dude on the ground.

Thank you for the ask! Had to think about it a bit, but I think it would go a little like this-   

(Pre reaction set up) He’d be getting super irritated, a growl in his ribcage, disapproval in his eyelights, and intent to stop the man harassing his girl- his tiny human, his (Y/n), getting up and starting over there, preparing to move his ass away, by force, if necessary! The man grabbed her ass (that was fucking it!!!) and then, just- the guy is on his back. It was too fast- did she punch him in the sternum? Did she... just flip him over her shoulder...? Did she... yeah, she had one of the guy’s arms up on his back from underneath, and the other brought over from his shoulder... he wasn’t getting back up, though he was struggling quite a bit...

Classic- He stops, just standing there, shocked... She... she just... Oh... ok... He sits back down, watching as the bouncer takes the guy from her and leads him outside. She walked back over to him and sat down with their drinks. “wow, babe, really brought him down to size.” She rolled her eyes, but didn’t lean away as he got close to nuzzle a kiss at her. “ya wanna practice somethin’ like that when we get home? y’know, holdin’ me down while i buck up?” He winked.

Creampuff- His skull contorts in surprise as he continues over to her. “(Y/N) ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! I SAW THAT UNCOUTH HUMAN TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, AND I- BUT I DIDN’T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO GET OVER HERE! YOU’RE AMAZING! WOWIE!” He picks the human up, knowing that he’ll never be able to get away from him, and they walk him over to the bouncer, who’s already on his way, handing him off. After that, he buys a round for their table and boasts about his amazing friend!

Red- He’s about to step in- he’s gonna have a g r e a t t i m e - Wait. What? Did she just...? Oh- oh, sweetheart... He’s- he’s kinda turned on... He continues over to them, now oozing confident nonchalance with a hint of threat, stopping next to them, his hands shoved in his pockets. “lookin’ good, there, sweetheart...” He glares down at the man, leaning down to growl at him, “don’t ever fuckin’ touch my girl again, or she’ll whoop yer ass. an’ ‘en i’ll whoop yer ass.” He stands and kicks the guy... and again... and (Y/n) has to pull him back before he can again, luckily the bouncer had arrived to get the guy and escort him out. Red wrapped his arms around (Y/n) and pulled her close, murmuring into her ear, “how ‘bout we go back ta th’ lodge, an’ ya help me wit a- big- problem i got...” The way he’s pressing his pelvis against her, she knows what it is.

Edge- No one messes with his human! He’s on his way over there when she throws him. He stops in his tracks, watching the situation. She holds the human male until the bouncer comes to collect him, and Edge watches on, waiting in the wings to be back up, but she doesn’t need him. She makes her way back to him, where he’s sat back down at the table, not wanting her to know that he’d even gotten up. “INTERESTING TRIP TO THE BATHROOM, MY FLAME?” His pride is bursting out of him at how capable of handling herself she is.

Blue- He’s already marching his way over there, glaring at the male. His steps falter when she throws him down, but he continues on his way. He stops next to them with his hands on his hips, glaring down at the guy. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU THINK IT’S OK TO JUST GRAB PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION? ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WAS TELLING YOU TO GET LOST!” He pulls out his handcuffs and cuffs him, calling for a police car to come pick him up as the bouncer arrives. He insists that he stays with him until the car arrives, and that (Y/n) stays near him, to not ruin their date. While waiting, he leans close to her, murmuring, “Too Bad They’ll Take The Cuffs With Them; Now We Won’t Be Able To Use Them Tonight... Good Thing I Have Another Pair At Home... Mweh Heh Heh...” When the cops get there and Blue hands the guy over, he’s glad to get the hell away from them so he doesn’t have to hear any more dirty talking.

Stretch- He- he was thinking he should step in, show that idiot not to touch his girl, but then- she threw him on the ground. He sat back down, shock hidden from those around. He’d never have suspected she could do that... but... less work for him he supposed... made it easier knowing that he wasn’t going to have to keep an eye on her at all times- though he probably would, anyway... When she gets back, he thanks her for getting the drinks, but doesn’t say anything about what happened.

Black- His glare is enough to kill, and when he arrives next to the two, He gives the man an ear full. “YOU THINK YOUR SCUM HANDS ARE WORTHY TO TOUCH MY LADY?! YOU SHOULD KEEP IN YOUR OWN LANE, FLITH! YOU’RE LUCKY THAT I DIDN’T GET TO YOU BEFORE SHE DID! I WOULD HAVE DESTROYED YOU! THERE WOULDN’T BE ANYTHING OF YOU LEFT TO TAKE TO JAIL! Wonderful Job, My Pet, Your Skills Are Impressive... You Truly Are A Great Asset To My Life,” he cooed to her as he stroked her cheek, close enough for it to be intimate. “I’ll Reward You As Such When We Arrive Back Home- Make Sure You Are Sure Of The Security Of Your Position...” Oh that smirk- she knew it could only mean one thing...

Mutt- He’s already next to them and has to step out of the way as she throws the guy. He places his heavy boot on the imbecile’s throat, glaring down at him. He doesn’t say anything, but the threats in his expression are enough to speak volumes. The bouncer got there to take him, and Mutt let him go, pressing a little harder on his throat before stepping back. As the man went past, he growled so only he heard, “try anything like that again and you’ll wish for just a boot ta the throat.” After he’s gone, Mutt wraps himself around (Y/n), cuddling and nuzzling at her. “mmm, darlin’, ya tryin’ ta make me jealous? if ya wanted ta be on top ya coulda just told me; i’ll let ya ride the bone train. nyeh heh heh...”

Axe- His whole world focused in on that. He didn’t see the crowd of people, he didn’t see the bouncer on his way, he didn’t even register that (Y/n) had already taken him down. He was walking straight to them, and anyone who didn’t get out of his way was moved. He wrapped his hand around the man’s throat, picking his head up to be eye to tooth with his terrifying, twitching smile. “looks like the livestock is getting uppity... might be time for castration...” (Y/n) has to let the guy go to stop Axe from killing him, but Axe still has his throat in his hand. “you’re lucky she’s here ta stop me... should think about that in the future; ‘who’s here that will murder me and leave me rotting in the parking lot, entrails strung out for the birds?’” A burst of manic laughter left him as the bouncer got there to escort the guy out, (Y/n) assuring him that Axe was ok and not bothering her. He’d wrapped his arms tightly around her, hands clenched in her clothes. “don’t wanna be here. wanna go home... renew my scent marks...” (Y/n) agreed, and he felt a bit better. The guy made a mistake, but you can bet he’s never going to do it again.

Crooks/ Bun- (when he gets his glasses and sees what the hell happened) He’s nervous, he doesn’t like confrontations, but he needs to help (Y/n)! He hurries to her, but she’s already gotten the guy on the ground. He’s relieved. He sees the bouncer coming and waits off to the side until he gets there and takes the guy so that (Y/n) can come back to him. They sit back down and try to enjoy their time together, laughing it off and focusing on other things, though he’s very complimentary of her skill and knowledge of what to do and how to take care of herself in that situation.

Dusty- No- oh hell no! He’s shortcutted the moment the guy’s hand touches her ass, and has to dodge when she throws him. She puts him in a hold faster than Dusty can react, but he still lays his skull down next to the guy, his manic grin twitching as he stares at him. “look at him, pap... he’d be good exp... heh heh... no, pap, i shouldn’t, she’s right there... she doesn’t like it when i kill people... yeah, the exp looks good... heh heh- heheheheheheheh! yeah. could follow ‘im home and get it later...” The guy is going to be scared straight, just from listening to him- even though he’s not talking to him! He’s also going to be looking over his shoulder... for the rest of his life... The one question that remains is, was Dusty really talking to Paps? Or just playing it up as psychological warfare...? Good question...

Ask Masterlist?

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching decadence part 2 because part 1 got too long

ep7: Getting to see the game Deca-Dence as a new player would with the opening cutscene, skipping the TOS, character creation and all was a good touch. Also the fact that Kaburagi could look like anything, but he wants to look like mid 40′s dad both times. I wonder who it was that decided Minato should vape. The conversation on the top of Deca-Dence is real interesting because its like only 20% of the actual conversation is spoken out loud and the other 80% left unsaid, so we have to guess what was left unsaid. Minato tells Kaburagi to not make things worse for himself, condoning his actions, but also vows to himself to help Kabu even though it is very dangerous for him. Kaburagi leaves after regretfully saying he doesn’t want to cause Minato more trouble, and yet his current and future actions are and will be doing just that. The obscuring fog in this scene adds to the sense of distance or disconnect between these two. Somewhere over the past 7 years they have fallen off the same page.

This episode again highlights how while for the Tankers this is life and death situation, for the cyborgs Deca-Dence is a game. We get a shot of some Gears lightheartedly discussing how fun the latest game event was, followed right after with what that event meant for the Tankers as we see a makeshift medbay in the streets filled with the dead and dying to really drive home the gap of compassion between the two groups. Minato is one of the few cyborgs we really see besides Kaburagi and the show uses him to show how cyborgs don’t think of humans as people. Humans to the cyborgs are just npcs in a game. Now anime and manga about videogames have been around a long time and were especially popular in the mid 2000s (mmorpgs especially) after which the genre dropped the “in a game” part but kept everything else which were today know as the isekai genre. Hot takes like “the videogame characters are actually people all along” aren’t new either, but Deca-Dence is one of the most successful in generating sympathy and compassion for the Other by flipping the script. Most of those series come from the perspective of the player and show the player coming to care about the npcs. This often isn’t done very well or comes off as patronizing, like the other characters act in service of making the mc look like a good guy instead of actually acting like fully realized people in their own right. (*cough* sao *cough*). In contrast to this, Deca-Dence initially starts from the perspective of Natsume who is human just like us the audience, and thus predisposing us to feeling with and feeling for her. So later when its revealed the humans of this world aren’t seen as people by the cyborgs or the the corporation that rules all their lives, it is granted greater weight in the context of all of us who have played videogames before and met npcs and maybe not cared all that much about them. Decadence places the viewer in the position of the npc, the Other.

Episode 7 is also the beginning of several letters exchanged between Kaburagi and Natsume. Its a presence that lingers long after the person has left and also acts as a contrast to the call/social networking apps of the cyborgs. In episode 5 we saw Kaburagi choose Natsume over following the orders of Solid Quake, but through to episode 7 he still believed in its system. Look even at episode 6 where he still believed that if he worked hard and played by the rules, the system would reward him and everything would be ok and compare that calm assurance in episode 6 to his mountain frustration in episode 7. He’s starting to see how thing are run in Deca-Dence makes life really hard and kind of terrible for the Tankers. This frustration at the system culminates at the end of the episode when he realizes the real human cost of perpetuating this system of oppression in how it hurts Natsume. I mean “Late stage capitalism made my adopted daughter Natsume cry, so I'm going to dismantle it.“ is a joke and pretty funny, but like, that’s what actually what happens. Both Kaburagi and Natsume further the theme of pushing the limits. Kaburagi realizes the limits of his society and why its time to break them down, while of Natsume’s side we see her struggle in the face of things much larger than her. Much like how the cyborgs are stuck in their lifestyles of working for Solid Quake, earning oxyone, and playing Deca-Dence, the Tankers are stuck in their role in society to leave their fates to the Gears and Deca-Dence. So Natsume asking everyone to take charge of their own lives and close that the hole is them stepping out of the comfort of what they’ve always done, which is leave it to someone else (deca-dence administration, gears, etc.). Natsume asks the Tankers to push their limits, the step outside of what they’ve always done and to believe in things they thought were impossible to do. We see Fei representing the belief a lot of Tankers that nothing needs to change, thus nothing should change and they will not act to bring change to their own lives. The Tankers live lives that are decided for them. The Deca-Dence administration controls their population, and the system eliminates any who would disrupt it. They don’t have a lot of control and are resigned to live like that, until Natsume comes along. This episode we see her do what she does the entire series, inspire people to be more. Natsume’s doing alright, she might not be where she wants to be but she’s taken steps in that direction. Where Nstsume is psychologically contrast Kaburagi who’s a bit of a mess realizing he can no longer live under the thumb of Solid Quake’s Deca-Dence system and is kind of floundering about. When kaburagi meets Natsume again... he is so awkward, I’m getting second hand embarressmen. and again the assault jokes have got to stop. The shot of the empty chair calls back to the first episode and another talk between Natsume and Kaburagi. I always love it when an anime plays the credits early.

ep8: again the importance of the individual over the group with kaburagi’s lines at the beginning on why he’s taking down the gadoll factory. I’m just thinking about how kaburagi is certain minato kept his avatar. and everyone just agreeing that minato has that vibe. I really love the avatar retrieval part of the first episode. Its a heist sequence. I love heists!. They also did a good job with pacing and tension in that part. Still can’t believe the creators put a sex toy in this show but at least this joke is actually funny. Oh Minato pulled strings to get Kaburagi out of the poor jail. I missed that part. but now the two of them are not only on different pages, but on different books. Minato doesn’t see the tankers as people and follows the Deca-Dence system on what is good and what is bad, so he can’t comprehend why Kaburagi is throwing away everything the Deca-Dence system values for something the system has deems less than worthless. While Kaburagi has formed a moral compass independent of this system, he sucks at communication and doesn’t explain anything to Minato. Interesting how Minato views bugs as bad but has made an exception for kaburagi and probably did some mental gymnastics to do so. It reminds of those homophobic family members that make an exception for their gay family member. Minato never wanted anything but to be by Kaburagi’s side so he prioritizes Kaburagi above pretty much everything else which is why while he defends the establishment, he also breaks rules for Kaburagi. Their little convo continues the same dialectic, Kaburagi’s been inspired by Natsume to push the limits of himself and society, to choose how he lives instead of letting the Deca-Dence system tell him. Kaburagi underwent character development when Minato wasn’t looking and he can’t recognize him anymore but desperately wants to. Kaburagi moving forwards without him and him realizing that he was never as much a priority to Kaburagi as Kaburagi was to him, means that Minato’s really hurting by the end of the scene, and he doesn’t take it out on Kaburagi, he just leaves. ...if it isn’t obvious by now, minato is my favorite character. gotta love the gay robot having a mid life crisis. (i mean his feeling aren;t necessarily romantic, but you know the joke I’m referencing). Turkey just wakes up and chooses evil every day huh. I predict someone on tumblr with a history of unhealthy relationships is horny for turkey.

ep9: why does the reactor look like a cyborg core? Again. WHYYY does Donatello have a gun??? idiots let him keep a working gun. I love the contrast of the actual pretty gritty situation of the prison riot being represented with super cartoony slapstick animations. This probably saves on frames as well as keep the series from getting too dark, because if you think about it the labor camp conditions are pretty horrifying but its disguised with cartoony designs and wacky characters. Kaburagi and Natsume are doing very important plot things, but the core of episode 9 are Sark and Turkey. Through them we see the same conversation that has been repeated through out the series of conforming to society and staying in line, that things won’t ever change so you should just duck your head and follow order, or the “I’m comfortable how things are” versus you should make your own choices with live life how to want to, to push your limits. Turkey sees the Deca-Dence system as absolute and eternal and thus tries to play by the system and help it continue by selling out everyone else. Sark is passive and doesn't really have an opinion of his own, just following whatever the others are doing whether its Kaburagi stealing his avatar or Turkey in betraying everyone. Sark unlike Turkey isn’t malicious, he wants the best for everyone but also isn’t quite willing to put himself at risk for others. After seeing everyone be destroyed as a consequence of following Turkey however, his new resolve and subsequent suicide bombing is the only reason the plan ends up succeeding. For total destruction of the gadoll factory two things were needed: flipping the kill switch on all the gadoll in the dome, and destroying the reactor powering the factory. We aren’t told how Jill and Kaburagi originally planned to destroy the reactor (like was he just suppose to wander around until they bumped into it?), but Sark’s explosion is what allowed Kaburagi and Natsume to get away from Hugin. Without Sark, Hugin would have totally caught them. So it was Sark taking charge of his own life and pushing his limits that saved them all. That said, if the explosion was powerful enough to reach all the way up the giant tube and destroy the reactor, why didn’t it break the tube and why didn’t it destroy everyone left in the prison? ah well it makes thematic sense so I’ll let this pass.

So I’ve talked before about how Deca-Dence’s ending could be improved to build on some of the themes established in the first couple episodes. The problem is that this show isn’t pushing a narrative of collaboration and the power of collective bargaining, its pushing an individualist narrative about how each and every person can reach out and better themself. Now I don’t think these two themes are mutually exclusive, but it would take a very delicate touch as well as an attentive and thoughtful audience to successfully weave these two theme together into a nuanced whole. And if a rewrite were to happen with the minimal amount of changes, I think ep 10 is a good divergence point. The final little arc is about the rogue gadoll outside of the Deca-Dence system and the threat of total annihilation by solid quake, and while big kaiju fights look cool, they don’t quite deal with dismantling systems of oppression at the hands of your corporate overlords. So, I would have preferred something like the cyborgs and Tankers coming together to seize the means of production, destroy Solid Quake, and take its assets for themselves. The ideal rewrite situation though would for this all to be 24 episodes and the big gadoll to be the episode 12 climax while taking down Solid Quake happen in ep 23-24. And since we’re doing a rewrite, Natsume kinda drops off as the main character after episode 5 and I’d like to see her back at the forefront of the show.

ep10: If this show had leaned more into the futility of Natsume seeking to improve herself within a system that rendered it meaningless, it would have ended up much darker, but I also think it would have been richer. Ah poor Natsume, she’s at a low point since the context of what she has been doing has wildly changed, afterall, what’s the point of improving yourself if nothing else ever changes and what you do doesn’t matter. The letter writing continues and it is good. So I’m not going to question how the exit tunnel is still intact, but watching into robot kaburagi angrily drive a car and swear is really funny. I’ve been wondering for a while, the humans literally live in a fuel tank, how is there enough light to grow plants in there? Like as part of the post-apocalyptic aesthetic, a lot of Tankers have little house plants which in addition to being inside the fuel tank, are also inside their houses. oh yeah for any who didn’t get it. The reason as a child Natsume went into cardiac arrest and her chip was read as dead wasn’t because of the severity of her injuries, Deca-Dence’s system had deemed her too dangerous to live and flipped her kill switch.

ep11: on a thematic level I might be meh, but the writing and execution are what really pull the ending through. Everything is nicely set up from the mutated gadoll the victim of animal abuse several episodes earlier to fighting hugin in the factory being how hugin finds out about natsume. I think about Jill’s lines here, that no matter how hard you try to keep things from changing, you’re just fighting the inevitable. Also Natsume took Kaburagi’s switching bodies really well like seeing someone you care about die in front of you but then surprise they just got another body would give most people such whiplash. “our bodies are under the system’s control, but our core’s are independent of it” I’m still thinking about this. It makes sense given how the first generation of cyborgs where humans with mechanical implants, but cyborg’s cores are still such a mystery. The things you can’t control are a part of life too. In Deca-Dence bugs are uncertainties that the master control system doesn’t know what to do with. More than just individualism good, here we get a little more nuance to Deca-Dence (the show)’s theme. Jill was one of the creators of the Deca-Dence game (giant mech, control system, and all), and they tried to create perfect system where everything was under its control and order could be maintained forever, and this inevitably failed (the show tells us). Trying to perfectly order everything is to attempt the impossible, disorder will always creep in and those little individual differences should be celebrated. and is to the backdrop of an old Deca-Denca(robot) part that is rusting away, plants and animals overtaking it much like how the Deca-Dence’s currently enforced status quo of the game will fall away in the face of those it deems bugs. wait did we ever figure out what the bug was that jill left in deca-dence? mmmm I’m still thinking about Minato logging out because the system told him to but unwilling to let things end this way so physically going back down to earth in his real body. Facing the possibility of truly losing Kaburagi forever is what pushes Minato to question following the Deca-Dence master control system. He totally became a bug for Kaburagi. I doubt Kaburagi had any idea how much Minato wanted to hear the words “let’s fight together to the end”, but offered the thing he truly desires, Minato probably would have done anything. mmm he’s got it bad. there’s also that linking Kaburagi and Deca-Dence’s core takes two people and yet, Kaburagi didn’t bring anyone with him. Which is terrible planning, but allowed for this really great scene. that he knew Minato would come after him. And then the last thing me sees in Minato. Minato truly is ride or die. literally. He could have gone back to the spaceship so that he’d survive no matter what, but he choose to stay. If the plan succeeds then he will see it through with/right beside/literally inside of Kaburagi, and if it fails and Kaburagi is annihilated when Solid Quake wipes the dome, Minato will also be annihilated along side Kaburagi.

ep12: so kaburagi just straight up demands admin privileges and the governing sys is like “sure”. Yeah pretty sure the governing system convo was a season 2 hook to show the big wigs. The independent all governing system tells Kaburagi that all this, him and bugs are a part of the system’s learning process, to which Kaburagi responds that all that doesn’t matter since he’s going to do what he wants independent/regardless of the governing system. the context in which you do things doesn’t matter. Also I never pointed it out since its like the 4th wall of scifi, everyone is just trained to suspend their disbelief, but oxyone is total bullshit. A non toxic liquid energy dense fuel that can be concentrated into orbit range lasers. The tankers all helping Natsume push the spare part is a feel good moment seeing everyone working together. Its an unnecessarily scene for the purpose of including the tankers in the action, since the part wasn’t ever really needed and the writers didn’t have to have it severed by the laser to begin with. the Natsume montage overlayed with the music is very good. wait. i just realized, limiter release can be reversed. Afterall, Kaburagi released his limiters with his first avatar, and if he had still been fully connected to it when hugin killed that avatar, cyborg Kaburagi should have died too but he didn’t and just immediately logged in on a different account. Kabu-Dence releasing his limits here and literally giving all of himself to destroy omega is fulfilling both for his character arc and on an emotional level. This entire show has been about pushing one’s limits and making your own choices, and it culminates here’s in Kaburagi literally releasing his limiter, thus putting him in mortal danger, and then giving every last ounce of himself to the path he has decided. The destruction of the mech fortress Deca-Dence is also symbolic of the end of the game of the Deca-Dence mmorpg as we know it. wait wait did Kaburagi hold on just long enough to hear Natsume thank him. aaaaahhh and then the ed song plays!! and then the play the new mmo intro scene. Still real weird that they’re using a cyborg brain as a ball.

[recentanimenews]

Summer 2019 Anime, Ranked.

With the exception of Fire Force’s twelfth episode, we’ve wrapped up our coverage of the Summer 2019 season, which is just as well since we’re technically in the second week of Autumn.

Between Braverade, sesameacrylic and MagicalChurlSukui we watched and reviewed eleven shows in all (plus additional coverage from Oigakkosan, not detailed here), totaling 132 episodes, or approximately 53 hours. Without further math, here’s how we ranked those shows, and why.

11. HenSuki

RABUJOI Score: 7.00/10 MAL Score: 6.83/10

Pros: Novel premise, colorful pastel palette, likable characters, generally witty banter, risque ecchi situations that never cross hard lines of decency.

Cons: Uneven at best animation, silly central mystery that drags on too long, “twist” resolution feels like a cheat.

Verdict: An enjoyable, fluffy guilty pleasure. I try to watch one per season.

10. Lord El-Melloi II Case Files

RABUJOI Score: 7.77/10 MAL Score: 7.44/10

Pros: Built-in goodwill from Fate/Zero, always intriguing setup for cases, sumptuous setting, production, and mechanical design, stirring score, bonkers magical battles.

Cons: Excessive magical technobabble can be exhausting, conclusions to mysteries can feel contrived/arbitrary, non-Fate fanatics will end up hopelessly lost by most cameos or name-drops.

Verdict: A pale shadow of the classic upon which it’s based, but nonetheless a fun and moderately clever detective series.

9. Fire Force (Episodes 1-11 of 12)

RABUJOI Score: 7.82/10 MAL Score: 7.75/10

Pros: Gorgeously bizarre alternate-universe setting, elegant world-building, virtuoso action sequences, powerful orchestral soundtrack.

Cons: And MC who is dull and cliched within an inch of his life, Characters who go from evil-to-good (or vice versa) at the drop of a hat, a tedious central conspiracy, the potential for character bloat, frustratingly uneven gender balance, pathetic bouts of fanservice.

Verdict: A stylish show primarily about spontaneous human combustion might’ve weathered news of the horrific KyoAni arson attack, but isn’t quite good enough to watching following into the Fall.

7 (tie). How Heavy are the Dumbbells You Lift?

RABUJOI Score: 7.83/10 MAL Score: 7.68/10 Pros: A fresh, original premise to which it remains totally devoted, marvelous comic timing in the rapid-fire, self-deprecating, fourth-wall breaking dialogue, lovable and believable MC, decent animation, one hell of an earworm OP.

Cons: Ecchi elements and a superfluous Russian chick don’t add much, some parody bits are too on-the-nose, the show loses momentum in the final couple episodes.

Verdict: The show that inspired me to get off my skinny, underdeveloped backside and actually join a gym for the first time in my life!

7 (tie). Cop Craft

RABUJOI Score: 7.82/10 MAL Score: 6.94/10

Pros: Cool reverse-Isekai-lite premise, Range Murata character design, toe-tapping OP and lively soundtrack, entertaining buddy cop dynamic, engaging fights and chases.

Cons: Lame villains, some odd narrative choices, inconsistent/unfocused direction, disappointing animation, underutilized supporting cop cast, lots of loose ends.

Verdict: A show with some good parts to work with, mostly used badly. A wasted opportunity that’s not as good as our episodes ratings indicated.

6. DanMachi II

RABUJOI Score: 8.25/10 MAL Score: 7.45/10

Pros: Appealing, charismatic characters you love to root for, amusing romantic polygons, tremendous score, superb utilization of twelve episodes to tell a variety of engaging stories with a beginning, middle and oh-so-epic end, culminating in a quiet finale that doesn’t forget its core goddess-child dynamic.

Cons: Villains’ barks prove far worse than their bites, a couple slower episodes between mini-arcs don’t really distinguish themselves, and that huge Amazoness Phryne…what the hell?! 

Verdict: After the very lame Sword Oratoria spinoff DanMachi got a proper sequel, focused on the characters we cared about, full of emotion, excitement, and good old-fashioned fantasy ass-kickin’.

5. Fruits Basket 1st Season (Episodes 14-25)

RABUJOI Score: 8.50/10 MAL Score: 8.36/10

Pros: Impeccably-rendered characters and depictions of their various psychological issues, dark and poignant flashbacks, exquisitely cozy slice-of-life, a good balance of the mundane and the mystic, and hard-hitting cathartic scenes.

Cons: Some members of the Souma family are more interesting (and tolerable) than others, but even the less interesting ones get plenty of screen time, Tooru’s saintly selflessness can wear thin at times.

Verdict: A beautifully-crafted second half that rewarded patience by delivering some of the strongest and most moving episodes of the year.

4. Master Teaser Takagi-san 2

RABUJOI Score: 8.58/10 MAL Score: 8.40/10 Pros: Truly magnetic chemistry in the central pair, Deft use of subtle facial expressions and body language in the animation, superb performances by Takahashi Rie and Kaji Yuki.

Cons: Like the first season, the various teasing games can grow repetitive, as can Nishikata’s denseness and inability to see more than one or two moves ahead, the side stories involving side characters often felt like padding.

Verdict: Continues and refines the brilliantly simple teasing formula of the first season, while ever-so-gradually blurring of the line between teasing and flirting. A sweet and touching, slow-burn portrayal of young, awkward first love.

2 (tie). Vinland Saga (Episodes 1-12)

RABUJOI Score: 8.67/10 MAL Score: 8.57/10

Pros: Flawed but rootable MC whose character is more complex than it initially seems, his multi-layered antihero mentor, exemplary action and battle sequences, powerful score, compelling exploration of the hard old world, with enticing glimmers of a brighter new one.

Cons: That said mentor would keep a kid dedicated to murdering him around so long stretches credulity at times, those battle sequences sometimes feature individuals or groups doing superhuman things that detract from the otherwise naturalistic milieu.

Verdict: While not quite as big, loud, epic, or bonkers as Attack on Titan, or Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress, Vinland Saga is arguably Wit Studio’s most balanced and human series. Looking forward to the second half.

2 (tie). Astra Lost in Space

RABUJOI Score: 7.77/10 MAL Score: 7.44/10

Pros: Very well done futuristic world- and space-building, a large-ish main cast that you steadily come to know and love, the sense of family that arises from the crewmembers’ experiences together, an optimistic spirit of exploration that isn’t constantly beset by mortal peril, creative planets and lifeforms, thankfully subverted expectations for a Lerche-style bloodbath.

Cons: “Character gets a backstory” formula to some episodes felt repetitive at times, the crew almost faces too little mortal peril considering their circumstances, they similarly rely on a lot of luck, some major plotlines and twists could have been left out and still resulted in a pretty strong show.

Verdict: Maybe the season’s biggest surprise hit, the ambitious Astra calls to mind some of the best of live-action shades-of-gray sci-fi (Firefly, Battlestar, Expanse) while maintaining an old school optimistic, exploratory outlook. It set out to do and say a lot, and was mostly successful in doing so.

1. O Maidens in Your Savage Season

RABUJOI Score: 8.58/10 MAL Score: 8.40/10 Pros: Fearlessly tackles tough social topics on adolescence, sexuality, gender roles, upbringing, and abuse, ably juggles multiple, diverse love stories and triangles at once, pleasingly drawn and animated, and despite all its serious themes, doesn’t leave out the comedy.

Cons: What seemed to be an irreversible dive into an abyss that would tear the five girls apart, they work almost everything out almost too easily for a tidier ending than expected; while the show dips a toe in LGBTQ themes through Momo’s awakening, her’s is one of the least developed arcs despite being one of the most interesting.

Verdict: A rare-for-anime honest and unblinking exploration of the awkward, painful, and sometimes savage emotional journey to adulthood all kids must face (and not always at the same speed). By the numbers, the best show I watched this Summer, and the one I looked forward too most from week to week.

Summer 2019 Big Board:

By: rabujoistaff

[berrysphase]

Nirvana in Fire rewatch liveblog part 10

Eps. 24-25: exits, entrances, and a few thrown teacups

I love this opening scene, when Jingyan formally asks MCS to investigate the Chiyan case; the way MCS asks three times and Jingyan gives the same response each time is almost ritual; it has a solemn, nearly mythic air about it.

Oh Nihuang :( the infuriating old trope "you can't be involved for your own good" bit is turned around here, now it's "you can't be involved for MY own good" which is at least a bit more refreshing, but it's frustrating to have Nihuang just swallow and nod here. She needs more of her own things to do :(

Well, ow, Prince Yu reflecting on the downfall of Marquis Ning is certainly freighted.

It is interesting that Marquis Xie never suspects MCS of wanting to kill him to ensure the secret DOES come out.

The growing intellectual rapport between Jingyan and MCS is so poignant, and Jingyan is really not all that dense. I guess part of what the Nihuang scene is doing earlier in this episode (every damn scene is doing at least three jobs, it's almost enraging how well-put together this thing is) is to underline what thin psychological ice this is for MCS. It's painful to hear Jingyan say "Lin Shu would have liked you, as I do" when you know MCS' reaction is equal parts ";A; BFFS FOREVER ;A;" and "are you kidding me bb!me would loathe what I have been forced to become"

And goodbye to Xie Yu; the way he stands up to go back to his manacled walk is so him and I can't help but respect him for it -- a man stripped down to the strength of his convictions, horrible as they are, and still standing -- right up until Xia Dong steps in and his dignity goes to pot.  The perfect exit, well done, show /kisses fingers

Jingrui won't look at his "father" but is still the first to step between him and Xia Dong.

Geez get him out of prison yourself, says the emperor, you're a prince, you have resources. This scene puzzled me at first, even on rewatch -- especially the violence of the Emperor’s initial response, considering he then tells Jingyan to go ahead and use inappropriate influence to get what he wants anyway -- but now I think I get it.

So the thing is the Emperor right now is sick to death of factional squabbling and princes plotting for gain. Part of what he finds so refreshing about Consort Jing, and eh ok maybe Jingyan too, fine, is that they don't do any of that -- they're just there being quietly, reliably exemplary in their respective roles, it's refreshing and peaceful and Consort Jing, in particular, is starting to look very, very attractive as an oasis. When the emperor comes to visit Consort Jing, he catches Jingyan and his mom unawares -- and he doesn't overhear plotting or strategy sessions, like he almost certainly would if he'd surprised Consort Yue or Empress Yan with their respective sons, but rather a deeply fond conversation showing how good a family these two people are, ah it's such a shame they can't see each other more often.

So happy Emperor asks Jingyan what he wants for a reward -- the reward is for being a good son more than for the actual tasks he carried out, and I will swear up and down that he expected Jingyan to ask to be able to visit his mom more often -- and instead Jingyan asks for a political favor. No wonder the Emperor erupts! And "Who taught you that?" -- there are only two options.  Option one is Consort Jing, and if the Emperor came to seriously suspect her of political maneuvering, it would be a disaster -- the Emperor views her as a paragon of apolitical poise, and it’s the absolute cornerstone to her plans that he continue to do so.  (No wonder she shakes her head here!) And if it wasn’t Consort Jing, then Jingyan is unfilial and scheming, breaking the happy family illusion even more. And Jingyan has survived so long because he has been apolitical -- his past political ties are, as absolutely no one ever forgets, to Prince Qi, which of course is option two, and makes the specter of political ambition in him even more upsetting. The Emperor doesn't calm down until Consort Jing recasts Jingyan's request as an expression of apolitical and filial concern. Even then he is grouchy that Jingyan is asking for something that requires his political stamp - because to him the important thing at the moment isn't authority, justice, suffering, it's, I wanted to be benevolent dad/emperor helping you/us be a happy family and you aren't playing along.

The emperor is in wistful but gross dereliction of duty of his office of state here, while Jingyan cannot be anything but scrupulous; the clash of world views is sharp. Jingyan can't put down his royal responsibilities, and is trying so hard to respect imperial prerogative, and the emperor is grouchy because it's not personal. The emperor only cares about his authority when it's personal, it seems; in matters of routine there is no objection to subversion. And this scene makes me very sad about (dutiful, excellent, conscientious) Jingyan never being able to put the reins down, as Emperor; he needs more people who can help him shoulder the burden are you listening, Lin Shu

Oh I'd forgotten we do get to see Princess Xuanji on screen! And the timeline: the Chiyan army was suppressing the Hua for over a year, oof. We never do hear exactly how she died, do we? Just Fourth Sister's vague allusion that she was unable to live long because of her own brilliance. "Encourage outside invasion" - ah, foreshadowing again, fair marks.

So - what Banruo is doing is revenge; like Marquis Yan, but on a larger scale. Revenge, not justice; destruction is the aim, and innocent people suffer. There are some (admittedly and inevitably anachronistic) holes to be poked in this argument for acquiescence to a colonial fait accompli, but as far as the internal political philosophy of the show is concerned, it is at least consistent.

It is rather stunning to watch MCS lay out the trap he has constructed for Prince Yu and frame it as advice. (And all of this without any overt falsehoods.)

So from a pacing point of view I find it really interesting to note that in the last episodes we got our first shark-fin sightings of Xia Jiang, but in these episodes he’s off lurking villainously in the background while we instead spend development time on the first explicit discussion of the Hua link to the Chiyan plot.

[scripttorture]

So this might be a difficult question but I need to ask. You’ve mentioned torturers don’t necessarily have less empathy and can nice to people they like outside of torture. You’ve also mentioned torturers as very toxic even to each other when in the torturing environment. I’m writing a short scene that looks into torturer group from the POV one torturer. I want to show the toxic environment but also don’t want the characters to come across as without feeling or depth (1/2)

(2/2) because I want torturers to seem ‘normal’ rather than ‘stereotypical media sociopath’ (portrayed as someone who does bad things because they lack empathy for others.) Could I show carry levels of enthusiasm or a character being nice to another (but not nice to victim) without looking like I’m trying to make look ‘good’ or sympathetic? And without diminishing the toxic culture? My group is a subset of the police if that helps. I’m debating them failing to recruit MC into torturing.

Ithink you’d find the appendices in F Fanon’s TheWretched of the Earthvery helpful.

Inthem he discusses a handful of the cases he dealt with as a mentalhealth professional during and after the Franco-Algerian war. Amongthese cases are two torturers who were responding very differently.

Fanonconcluded that they were at different ‘stages’ of the sameharmful process. Personally I’m not convinced that the evidencewe’ve gathered since supports that conclusion. But regardless ofFanon’s theories his accounts of these two men are very interestingI think they help shed some light on what seems like an almostcontradictory set of statements: that torturers are not necessarilyawful to people they aren’t torturing and yet they’re so much ofa risk to each other.

Bothof the torturers Fanon treated were married but they had verydifferent home lives and I think that helps illustrate the point.

Onevery much gave the impression of loving his wife and having apositive relationship which was now under heavy strain due to hismental health problems. This distressed him.

Thesecond torturer was also an abuser who admitted to regularly beatinghis wife and children, including a very young baby. This only seemedto cause him distress in one particular incident when he ended upusing torture techniques he employed at ‘work’ on his wife.

I’mnot a psychologist and Fanon doesn’t give a diagnosis for either ofthese men. My impression from their accounts is that the firsttorturer had very depressive symptoms while the second torturerreported a lot of aggression and seemed to read every situation as apotential threat.

Nowit’s tempting to hence draw a conclusion based on symptoms atorturer experiences but I  think that’s getting ahead of theevidence. In the same way that concluding torturers and abusers‘must’ have low empathy is getting ahead of a the evidence.

It’sreally easy to other a person who does awful things. It’scomforting because it helps us convince ourselves that wewould never be capable of that. It reduces responsibility across theboard: our own by offering a reassuring platitude that exempts usfrom self reflection and the abusers’ by placing the blame on adisease rather than a person.

Mentalhealth problems can make people difficult to get along with (I know Ihave my moments) but they don’t make people monsters.

Socialstructures and reinforcement on the other hand can encourage horrificabuse. In the case of torturers that seems to be what we’re seeing.

Rejalidescribes the sub-cultures torturers create as divisive, highlycompetitive, hypermasculine and toxic. Which is a great descriptionbut doesn’t really conjure up an idea of what it’s like to be inone.

Ithink the main point to grasp when you’re writing a torturer’srelationship with other torturers is that torture is a zero sumgame.

Actualpolice work allows for multiple people to receive praise andcommendation for the work they do. Every piece of evidence andinformation is important so everyone’s contribution has thepotential to be rewarded.

Buttorturers only get rewarded/praised if they personally were the onetorturing the victim at the time there was false confession or‘believable’ lie. This creates a highly competitive environment.Acknowledgement and ‘success’ become much scarcer resources andtorturers are in direct competition with each other forthose resources.

There’sno team work. There’s nothing to foster a sense of unity exceptopposition to the way things are supposed to be done.

Atthe same time this ‘competition’ creates an intense pressure tobe more violent and do thingsthat are at least perceived to be ‘more brutal’. Someone’sworth at work is literally measured by how inventively violent theycan be.

Everyoneis actively competing to be seen as the most violent, leastcompassionate, aggressive, pumped up parody of masculinity they canpossibly by.

Torturersegg each other on. At the same time they can’t rely on each otherbecause they’re in competition and any hesitancy or sign of‘softer’ emotions is read as weak.

Atthe same time this isn’tthe atmosphere these people are spending 100% of their time in. Theseare ordinary people and when they clock off they’re often goinghome to families, partners, childhood friends. These people may haveno idea what they’re doing. They might be ‘supportive’. Theymight be opposed to torture.

Anotherinteresting account Fanon reports is that of a young French womanwhose father was a torturer during the Franco-Algerian war.

Shedescribes the complete breakdown of her relationship with her father.He never abused her or her family. She doesn’t really talk aboutany mental health symptoms on his part. Instead she talks about adeep and visceral negative reaction to torture. A sense of shame andbetrayal of the people she grew up around andthe hypocrisy of colonial society.

Shesaid she was relieved when he was killed.

Sowhere does that leave you?

Witha short scene I think it’s difficult to convey all the nuance youcould. These situations are often complex, though not in the way theytend to be presented as complex. Torture is not morally complex. Butthere are significant psychological and social complexitiessurrounding it.

It’sa difficult balance you’re trying to strike, especially if all youhave is one short scene.

Theeasiest way to deal with that is probably to give the scene itself(and indeed the torturers generally) more narrative space. But that’snot necessarily something that fits your story and that could resultin the torturers taking over more of the narrative then you’recomfortable with.

Ifyou think it couldwork in your particular story then I’d suggest showing the point ofview torturer as he is beforehe goes to work. That way you contrast the person he seems to bearound family or friends with the person he is around other torturersand victims.

Thereare several different ways you could handle that.

Ithink playing the family/friends as ignorant could work, but I thinkit might demand a greater contrast between the character at home andthe character as a torturer. A really big and sudden shift, played ina way readers don’t expect would undermine any sense that thischaracter is sympathetic.

Anotheroption is having the friends or family aware of what the torturerdoes and extremely concerned for the torturer.If they’re living in close quarters with this character or haveregular contact it would be impossible for them not to notice theeffect this has had on the torturer. It is noticeably anddramatically unhealthy. It’sprobably not helped by the way police generally tend to put in quitelong hours.

Soeven a character who thinks torture is ‘necessary’ or could bejustified might very well want to stop a torturer going to work. Andthat can easily be written in a way that conceals the true motivationfrom the reader until the torturer actually arrivesat work and their nature is revealed.

Somethinglike: ‘It’s so early and you barely slept last night.’

‘You’reworking so hard it’s killing you. Let someone else do it today.’

‘Pleasejust phone in sick. Can’t you see how this is effecting you?’

Allof these things could sound like a ‘normal’ hard-workingpoliceman in a particularly violent area. Writing this from thetorturer’s perspective, with them moved by this person’s concerneven while they’re dismissing it, also creates that impression. Itgives you a chance to show this character as a person withcompassionate feelings before showing them in an environment wherethey’re encouraged to crush those feelings.

Ascene like this could also be played out with a friend or familymember who feels rather like the torturer’s daughter Fanoninterviewed. The torturer might then reflect that they didn’t usedto be so cold and distant. The torturer might make some efforts atsocialising, normal things like asking about the other character’shobbies, their friends, hoping they have a good day-

Againthis establishes a sort of ‘normality’ and that the character iscapable of empathy before showing them in that toxic environmentabusing other people.

Ifyou feel like you need to stick to a single short scene then I thinkstressing the macho competitiveness between torturers is key toportraying that toxic environment. These people might be nominally onthe side but this isn’t a unit or a team. It’s a collection ofindividuals who occasionally close ranks but are very much competingagainst each other.

Idon’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with leaving it atthat. Empathy doesn’t make people nice. You could construct thescene with the pov torturer reflecting on his competition, using hisempathy and judgement of theiremotional state (or mental health problems) in really nasty ways.

Seeingthat a colleague is showing obvious signs of anxiety and respondingby verbally punishing them for it isn’tlack of empathy. It’s having the empathy to judge another person’semotional distress and then responding to that judgement in a toxicway. A sentiment to the effect that this would be acceptable in a‘soft’ job but it isn’t here would be perfectly in keeping withthe kind of toxic sub culture torturers generally exist in.

Thefinal option I can think of in a short scene is to include a briefinteraction with a non-torturer who is not a victim for contrast.

Ina policing context- Well I keep thinking of Zootopia and OfficerClawhauser, the friendly, non-threatening, overweight cheetah manningthe reception desk.

Someonesweet and smiling who is neither a threat nor competition. The kindof a character a torturer could easily see as usefulbut less important than they are. They sit at the desk and greet thetorturer warmly every day. They tell the torturer if anyone has madeany breakthroughs the day before (ie ‘Oh so and so confessed lastnight’) and a little bit of what the others are up to (‘Officer Ais in the interview room with suspect B’).

Notethis character doesn’t necessarily have to be aware of torture intheir department. They might well be completely ignorant of it. Andthey’re removed enough from what the torturer sees as ‘actualpolice work’ to be completely non-threatening.

Asa result a torturer could easily and believably be pleasant andfriendly towards them. Then turn around and be utterly toxic towardscolleagues the torturer works with much more closely.

Itis difficult striking thissort of balance in a narrative. Choosean option you feel fits your story best and don’t be afraid ofrewriting the scene a few times to get it right.

Withdifficult scenes like this, where there’s a lot of elements tobalance, I think writing groups are incredibly useful. Gettingfeedback on the scenes from other writers (or just readers you trust)is a great way to find out if a scene is working, if the informationis all there and if the emotional tone is where you want it to be.

Don’tworry if you don’t get this scene right the first time. That’sOK. Stick with it. Commit to improving it until it’s the best itcan be.

You’llget there. :)

Disclaimer

[whereisvanderwood]

Hi!! I adore your blog and headcanons. Could I request a rather specific one? How do you think the RFA would react to an MC who works as an advocate for victims of domestic and sexual violence? I work as one in the courts and find myself wishing for a RFA member to run home to on tough days. If not no big deal!!

I had to watch some youtube videos to educate myself more on the work of advocacy, and I really admire you. I’m studying psychology right now to hopefully work in the social work field some day, helping others, but I can’t imagine how tough those tough days must be for you. What a truly amazing field of work.

I hope my writing would bring you comfort for those hard days in some way :) Keep doing what you’re doing!!!

RFA reacting to MC working as a victim advocate.

*:･ﾟ✧

YOOSUNG

This boy was absolutely mind-blown.

He’d done work experience in a retirement home, so he figured that was kind of similar to what you did? Helping people is all the same thing, right? No matter what it is.

But something just lit his spirit, ignited a flame, awoke some sort of new determination to be as life-giving and hope-bringing as you were, instead of just playing video games day-in and day-out.

After the RFA party and when your relationship was deemed official, you finally decided to move in together after enough time had passed.

He would go to school, and you would go to the courts to fight for those who needed to be fought for.

Your phone was off most of the time since you’re day was often full and you rarely had time for breaks, unfortunately. So when you would finally be home together, he really treasured the time you both had until you were to be separated at the crack of dawn the following day.

“MC… how on earth do you do it? Isn’t it hard working in court?”

He could never understand what sort of hells you were extirpating in all your working hours. No-one could really understand that kind of feeling unless they were in the same position.

And it was no lie that some days were harder than others. Much harder.

He knew when it was one of those days for you.

The routine he would follow was, firstly, stop complaining about his own problems, turn off his games when you would walk in the door, and glomp you.

You needed a big ‘ol glomp today.

You were tired, emotionally drained, and wanted nothing more than to be home. Your arms were hanging by your side as you accepted his love, exhausted.

“Good job, MC. What you’re doing is amazing! And never forget it!”

From there, it was straight onto the couch with some junk food and a much needed comedy film.

ZEN

All he’d ever dreamed of as a little boy was to have the perfect voice to share to the world.

But after he learned that you had your own voice, but of a different kind, he knew his voice could never beat yours.

You were a voice for those who didn’t have one. You can’t get anymore perfect than that.

He’d never been exposed to that kind of industry before– his own line of work was more along the lines of helping himself and continuously strive for greatness in entertainment, not really helping other people.

So you were certainly a breath of fresh air, a new point of view.

“MC, that’s so cool that you help other people! I could never do something like that.”

He was always listening to your stories of your different cases you worked on during the week. His face would change like he was a little boy hearing his father re-tell the fantasies of his lifetime. You were his idol.

He wanted to change. He suddenly wanted to be someone that could maybe make someone’s life a little better.

You would always assure him that his very existence made millions of lives infinitely better already.

Every now and again, he would read his phone during his breaks in rehearsal and see what few texts you’d been able to send him. Some were a nice “I love you” message, while others weren’t so cheerful – “I’ll be home late.”

He sighed at those texts. He hated them. Not just because he’d have to wait longer to see you again, but because he hated them for you. It must’ve been a tougher case than normal if it meant you were working later.

As soon as his director gave him the okay to go home for the day, he’d borderline the speed limit on his motorcycle to get home as fast as possible.

He would stop by the supermarket, pick up beautifully fresh ingredients for a well-deserved dinner.

As soon as you would walk in the door, it would be nothing but candlelight paired with gentle jazz and aromatic cooking sweeping you off your feet.

Over dinner you’d spill about your day to him with all the frustrations you felt. It was like word vomit. But he always listened.

He’ll always listen to whatever is on your mind, no matter how minor or major it seemed to you. He’d do what he can to relieve any weight from your shoulders.

JAEHEE

That evening coffee is already waiting for you on the bench when you walk through the front door.

She relates on a personal level when you talk about how hard some days are in your field. She remembered how much she struggled physically and emotionally with the never-ending line of work when she was employed for C&R.

But working for Jumin Han and as an advocate for victims of broken homes and relationships were two completely different things.

While she wasn’t in a domestically violent family, she didn’t feel like she was allowed to speak up in the household she grew up in.

She only wishes she could’ve met you a couple of decades earlier. You would’ve been the only thing she needed in life to get by.

So when you ring her up on a random day, feeling overwhelmed with stress and emotion and exhaustion, she wanted to be your own personal cheerleader.

“Oh, MC… I’m sorry it’s been hard on you today. But I’m sure you’re doing the very best you can, and it’ll always be enough.”

Making coffees for you daily was great practice for her latte art, and would often try to lift your worn-out spirits with some new creation.

She makes sure there is nothing that has to be done as soon as you walk in the door– cleaning done, dinner done, putting on Zen’s musical done– so you can just walk in and flop onto the couch beside her with your pre-made coffee.

Many many cuddles are shared with affirmations of your astounding dedication to your work, matching the resolve of no other that she knew.

“I’m so proud of you, MC.”

JUMIN

The chairman-to-be was known to not be very emotionally empathetic, but that didn’t stop him from trying.

He admired what you did for others. He believed he helped others in his own way through the economy, but he knew your job was far more rewarding in the long-term.

He could only imagine the amazing feeling of laying your head on your pillow at night, thinking to yourself “I’ve made someone’s life better.” How many people get to experience that?

He wanted to be more educated on what it meant to truly help others from your perspective.

Since discovering what you had devoted yourself to, he wanted to do everything in his power to support your cause in any way, mostly funding and donating to projects to raise awareness of the devastating lives people were subjected to.

Most days you come home tired, but when it’s a day we’re you’re really tired, he knows.

If you’re slumped on the couch, he’ll practically throw Elizabeth the 3rd on top of you.

He’ll fetch a glass of wine and have a grazing platter made by one of his chefs.

You insisted that being in his penthouse was luxuriously relaxing as is, but he refused to be denied in giving you the special treatment you deserved. You were his princess and you have every right to feel like one every second of the day.

He was good for those needed moments of tough love if you would ever doubt yourself and if what you were doing truly was good enough. But that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t cuddle you for those needed times of gentle affection.

“Is there anything I can do, MC?”

“Just tell me I’m doing a good job.”

A million times over, for the entire universe to hear, he would tell you.

SEVEN

An answered prayer, you were to him.

The moment he did his first background check on you, his heart fluttered. He nearly cried.

As a victim of domestic violence, he felt lighter when he read your occupation title, like a demon that had been clinging onto him for a number of years suddenly broke away.

Even though he didn’t have a way of knowing if you’d gone through the same thing as he did, he felt like he was actually allowed to speak to someone about his broken past, even though it was strictly forbidden in the agency.

The moment the first chatroom closed, he called you instinctively, like he’d done it a million times before.

“So! You’re a victim advocate, huh? That’s… really cool of you, MC. Truly.”

Finally, when times were good and stable for the two of you to have a completely open relationship, he spoke from his hurt heart, and you listened.

He would’ve never gotten help for his mental health if you were any other person. But you were his help, and he felt completely understood by you, having the privilege to speak to someone as kind-hearted as yourself.

He was truly blessed for you to have downloaded the app. Without that one significant choice you’d made, his life would never be the same without you.

Knowing how difficult it would be to work in the social work industry, he knew there must’ve been plenty of days where you’d just had enough.

Truth be told, he would get excited on those days as it made him feel he was able to do something equally as life-giving for you as what you’d done for him. Though it was probably a little bit selfish, he still wanted to be someone you could lean on when your head was heavy.

He’d often give you the remaining bags of his Honey Buddha  chips with a can of Dr. Pepper to give you some sugar, or maybe play a few pranks on Vanderwood to get some laughs out of you.

And after all the talking and the comforting would be finished, the rest of the night would be solely spent on meme-searching.

He knew how dark domestic violence was, as he’d been in that darkness, and he refused to let you feel the affects of such a sad reality. He promised himself he would keep your light shining bright.

*:･ﾟ✧  btw the MM HC groups I do are:

- RFA

- RFA + ANOTHER STORY (V and Saeran)

- SECRET ENDING SQUAD (Seven, Saeran, Vanderwood).

- PLUS INDIVIDUAL ONES.

Masterlist! + Request Box!

If you need a laugh, please watch this video if you like kermit the frog videos.

[gb-patch]

Hey GB! :) What do the side boyfriends and/or side characters' futures look like? Besides their romantic futures, haha. Thanks!

Kam:He’d work at the arcade for some years after the ending of the game. Kam will always be a sweet airhead, but eventually he’d become more aware of the realities of life and more motivated to improve. Things were passing him by and he wouldn’t sit back and do nothing about that. He’d do better at work and gain more responsibilities. Once he was more experienced, Kam would want to help out his parents with their business so they wouldn’t have to keep worrying about what would happen once they couldn’t manage it anymore. Kam would stay in that area and continue to work with, and eventually come to take care of his parents, indefinitely. He’d be glad he was able to be helpful to his family who was always so supportive of him.

Adrian: I think Adrian would keep working at the accessory shop for a bit after the game ends, then probably go to school for something to do with office work with fashion studies on the side. He’d end up getting a job where he’d be working in the back of a design studio/boutique, probably of moderate renown, doing filing and sorting of the designer’s many notes, references and fabric samples. After working there for a bit Adrian would start being asked by the designer for feedback sometimes when she was having trouble with certain parts of a design since she’d notice he has a good eye for some things (yes, she’d tell him that and he’d try to figure out which one is his good eye). He’d also start styling the mannequins. He’d really like that job and keep it for as long as situations allow. That job and any after it (the designer would recommend him to anyone in the industry she trusted/had connections with who was looking to hire so he’d have a pretty easy time finding nice jobs after that one) would pay enough to let Adrian buy a small condo in an area with a good pedestrian lifestyle, including vegan cafes and shops owned by local artisans. He’d volunteer at the animal shelter on his days off, and would try to start fostering animals but fall in love with the first one he fostered. Even though it was a disfigured tomcat who hated people. Adrian would spend all his free time for a few months slowly teaching the cat to love him, even if it meant laying on his stomach for hours trying to coax the cat out from under the bed. His work would be rewarded eventually with the cat becoming friendly. Because of his looks and past it would take the cat a long time to get anyone to apply to adopt him, but when a family finally met, fell in love with and adopted him, the cat became a complete monster after it realized they were not going to take him back to Adrian. One month of the cat hiding out behind the fridge and many scratches later, the couple returned the cat to the shelter, who called Adrian and recommended he adopt it as the cat had clearly adopted him. Obviously that paperwork was filled out quickly. After that Adrian tried to foster other animals but the cat hated them all, so the cat has Adrian all to himself now. Adrian still tries to accessorize him though. Cat does not appreciate that. 

[written by the XOD proofreader/idea bouncer who designed Adrian’s personality]

As for the other side characters, I’m copying a response I wrote down in the past, aha :’D.

Haha, maybe it’s a bit too convenient, but I like to imagine that they all have nice futures where everything works out.

Lynn: He continues working as a Nurse at SSB while keeping in touch with each of the group members to varying degrees. The afterschool group program remains a thing that happens, but there’s never a need for that kind of ‘special’ group again. Lynn is still allowed to supervise one normal group, however, since he certainly proved himself to be capable at managing students. He regularly tells stories about his original group’s antics to the new students he supervises, much to their amusement. Thanks to that, the seven of them become well-known legends at SSB after they leave.

Alicia: She goes to college aiming for a degree in psychology. She also takes a photography class as an elective. Alicia meets a nice young lady there and the two start dating. They’re very happy together, but her girlfriend finds it really embarrassing that Alicia is so scarily accurate at deducing how much someone likes another person. Alicia has to promise repeatedly that she’s not gonna do it for people who like her, just with other people.

Missy: Missy wasn’t hopeful enough to believe her high school sweetheart relationship would last forever, but Aspen did end up proposing before they went off to different colleges. She accepted and they got married after graduating. She was also struck with an obvious way to use that special ability of hers; she became a talent scout for large movie and music companies. Missy finds a great deal of success there and her opinion becomes highly regarded in those circles.

Cala: She keeps going through school and running her business. Though, she starts running it through texts rather than a store because the amount of people wanting it kept growing to the point that local news reporters started looking into the phenomena. Cala also starts considering fortune telling as a possible expansion to her service. Either because her psychic powers increased with age or because she’s learned more about how to scam people. Who knows.

Romeo: He realizes that the best place for his boundless enthusiasm is on the page, instead of in strangers’ faces. He focuses his studies on poetry and world literature. Romeo is quite pleased with his choice when he finally graduates a few years after the end of the game. He also starts sharing poems he’s written on a blog. Overall, people find his works quite charming.

Trent: He eventually gets offered a position to supervise all the Meadow Department stores in the county, rather than just the one he’s always worked at. Leaving that specific store was difficult, but no longer being tied there meant he could move to the next town over to live with Peter. The two of them get married about a year later.

The side characters, other than Lynn who does it automatically, will also keep in touch with the MC if they became friends with her during the course of the game.

Thank you for the ask ^^!

[paratoxical]

Who's MC - Chapter 8: The real me

A/N: This chapter contains a lot of spoilers on Seven's route, just like the other chapters. But I just feel like alerting you again. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Besides, for many of you who might not know, accept for my readers on tumblr, MC's name is Aelianne. And her twin's Lillianne. I will post their info in the next chapter. Hope you don't feel uncomfortable when I give them names. ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ" And by the way, this chapter has way too many monologues but I hope you would bare with me. ---------------------------- It was a long day to both Seven and you. Even though he didn't show much, and solely focused on his work but you didn't even need to look at him to know that he was already drained. At this pace he will collapse sooner or later, not that you looked down upon his stamina and mental power but you had common senses. Anyhow, you also needed a blast of caffeine, despite the fact that it was already five past two A.M. It's not like you have never hit the wall of frustration before, but this time it was different. You were not only frustrated but also agitated to almost murder someone. It was tough to just barely keep yourself calm and composed, which was a rare sight, even to you. Have you ever gotten this irritated, for someone else before? The guy already had enough on his plate already. Risking his life going against the agency by rushing over to save you, found out his twin was the hacker, spent all day recovering the special security system which was a WHOLE lot of works, being bashed by the RFA members for being careless and agreed to let you live with a bomb etc. As if it wasn't enough already, V decided to came around and asked him to friggin' not touch THE LOVE LETTERS in the drawers?? Could he be anymore insensitive? Yeah, right. You could "totally see" the reason why he could earn such absolute trust from Seven. Since V was the most "responsible" leader, who has the "couldn't be any better" timing and who would definitely be rewarded with the title of the "most sensible man on Earth" for prioritising his and his dead's girlfriend's love letters (not trying to be offensive, just stating the truth) over two random beings whose lives were "totally not at stakes" right now. ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ" As if! He better had a valid explanation for what was going with Saeran. And if you found out he was also involved with the disappearance of your sister, man, you were messing with the wrong kind of person. If anyone dares to touch a single strain of her hair, you swear to God you will pay them back 10 times whatever they have done, or even thought of doing. Clang! You looked down onto your hand to find it dripping in blood and a big mess of the broken mug that you were holding onto earlier. It seemed that you lost control over your power in a moment that your temper took over you. The noise was loud enough to not only startle you but also Seven who was sitting in the living room. He rushed over as soon as he heard the clash. "What happened? Are you okay??" You could hear his worried voice long before his tall, slim figured emerged in front of the kitchen's arch doorway. Didn't even wait to recover his breath, as soon as he walked into the kitchen, his gaze was immediately fixed on the blood oozing out from the cut on your hand. Before you've gotten the chance to react, he rushed over to your side, "Stay still, don't move! You will step on the broken pieces. Just wait a sec!" Then he disappeared into the bathroom and quickly returned with the emergency kit. Seven carefully picked out the remaining broken pieces of the mug on your hand before cleaning the wounds, his face was all tensed up from concentration that even his brows were squeezed together as he frowned. Judging by how well he tended to your wounds, he was either very familiar with treating the wounded or... he himself gets injured quite often. Even though you secretly wished that it was not the second option but deep inside you knew, he must have gotten himself in danger so many times that he doesn't bother to count anymore. Just thinking of how he would return from a mission, all wounded and alone, sitting in his apartment and slowly treating his own wounds, you felt your eyes started swelling up and water dripped from your eyes. Seven seemed surprised when he felt your tears dropped on his hand, he immediately looked up and worriedly gazed into your teary eyes. His voice also softened, "...Was it hurt?" You shook your head as soon as you heard him said so. Of course your hand didn't hurt, what harm could this tiny cut possibly cause you? "Just stay still, I am almost done... Don't cry, really... I don't know what to do when you started crying. You can hit me, just don't cry okay?" Idiot. How could I hit you? After he was done with patching up your cuts, he also cleaned the mess on the floor. "...You shouldn't have touched the pieces with your bare hand like that. It was dangerous to do so..." "I didn't touch it. I... broke the mug with my hand." As soon as you said it, he looked as confused as ever... ".. You are joking?" ".... Yeah I was joking." ---------------------------- Seven was not a great liar, especially when it comes to sentimental affairs, he could barely keep up his role as the bad guy without slipping up on his true feelings when you got hurt. Probably that's why he managed to capture your attention out of all people. Working in your field, just by randomly going through the list of people you have met and worked with in the past few months you could definitely picked out a dozens of guys who could possibly "suit" you better. But what does "suit" even mean? What are the guidelines? Mr. Right was simply a subjective label that people place on their favourite human out there. So, shouldn't you be the one to choose the human that you favour? It must have been hard on him within the past few days, keeping up with all the works while also trying to cope with his irrational thoughts. You couldn't bring yourself to blame him for snapping at you earlier either. Especially after what he said to you when you pretended to sleep earlier. **** ""Aelianne..." His voice was as soft as a slice of butter melting in a cup of lukewarm milky coffee, as he called your name, with a tinge of disappointment mixed with relief. "You're asleep." Though you were not really sleeping. "You've been talking all day but you're so quiet when you're sleeping. You're so weird, you know that?" If he knew that the normal you's talking frequency wouldn't even come close to the half of the time you initiated a conversation with him, would he be surprised? You were not always the talkative type. Yeah, you won't deny the fact that you were always a jokester. You were making jokes here and there, dealing with every obstacle coming your way in the most chill attitude ever, nothing seems to be able to catch you by surprise. Everything was a perfect role play to cover up your true identity. When you first joined the RFA solely with the purpose of investigating your sister's disappearance, you also unconsciously putting on the mask as a form of defence. However, the more you've gotten to know Seven, the more the real you started to resurface - the you that you thought has long disappeared since that day... "I must have hurt you by saying all those things, but you still managed to be bright..." I am not... I just... understand what you were going through. So I don't blame you. You thought to yourself while trying to hold back from saying your thoughts out loud. "You can get angry at me... but seeing you reminds me of the 707 I am in the messenger. I suppose you're really like 707. But I suppose you and Saeyoung are nothing alike." He paused for a bit, as if he was trying to swallow the bitter truth before continuing. Saeyoung? "Saeyoung is so dark and pessimistic that he cannot be with you... I want you to know that." I see, his real name is Saeyoung... "I can no longer wear the mask of the happy-go-lucky 707. This complicated and icy person is me. I want you to realise that and be disappointed. So please don't waste your feelings on me. I am not a fun cool person... I can put you in danger." Please, don't say that... The tighten sensation in your chest made it difficult to breathe properly. "But you're a strange person, so you won't understand what I say. So I think I'll end up hurting you again tomorrow morning." Please, stop it... "No, you're not a strange person... The one who's strange is me. You're actually so warm and nice. So I sometimes dream about you some day accepting the real me." Stop it! That's not true... I am not like that at all. "Of course it's a ridiculous dream... but thank you for letting me dream at least." "Aelianne..." "Please remember in your dreams. Don't trust V... and even me. Don't give your feelings to anyone in the RFA." "Please be less nice to me... so that you won't be hurt when I disappear. Don't trust anyone and be safe. And forget about me and be happy." "Letting me protect you... is much more than I deserve. That is enough for Saeyoung." ****** There was a saying that you learned back in the day, when you were still a regular patient at the psychology clinic. "The dark days were there so you could appreciate the bright ones." The pain you felt, and the endless battles you fought, they weren't meaningless. When something is taken away from you, it was so that you could be gifted with something different. And in your case, it was a heart that is no longer fully intact that could recognise and empathise with those who are in pain. You knew what he's going through, how terrible he feels about himself, about what happened, how regretful he is when he trusted V and above all, the chaotic, awful ocean of thoughts that he was swimming in with disorientation while being interrogated by the demon inside his head. You know it all. Because you know it all, you felt terrible for lying to him all this time, about who you were. The actual you. If he be happy to know? Or will he end up pushing you away as well? Will he hate you? Will he be hurt? You don't know. But, well, it couldn't possibly be worse than lying to him any longer. The sooner you say it, the better. Even if he ends up hating you, at least you tried. For the first time in your whole life, you seriously thought about spending the rest of your life with someone. It started out as a spark of light, flickering in the world of darkness and void of yours. It wasn't a big deal at first, since most light disappeared from your world just as quick as it appeared. But regardless of what you've thought, it stayed and started growing. Before you knew, it has already lightened up the whole sky with its golden glowing light. As secretly and sneakily as it could, the spark of light has brought hope into your world. And at that point you realised, he was the human you were looking for. You didn't know what will be waiting ahead of them, and how much help you could be. But you know one thing, as long as you can make him happy it doesn't matter. Even if it means you need to risk your life. ----------------------------- It was already late, and he couldn't sleep. The work was almost done, but it was not the problem. It was the disturbance in his heart that kept him awake. He said it. He told you about the real him, the side of him that he abandoned in order to save his brother from their own mother. From that hell hole. That's what he thought. That he was able to save his brother. But he was wrong, he trusted V too much. Whatever happened to Saeran was not supposed to happen. And you was also not supposed to be tangled in their group's bamboo shavings. He loves both Saeran and you, but he hurt both of you. Why can't he do anything right? All he ever wished for was a normal and quiet life with his beloved people. Was it too much to ask for? Sitting outside in the hallway, he suddenly heard the sound of someone playing bamboo flute. Was it the neighbour? No, the sound came from your room. Were you awaken by the noises he made...? He didn't know you could play flute. Actually, he barely knew anything about you. Aside from the most random profile he found about you after doing the background check on you, he didn't know much. Not even your likes and dislikes. Let alone your talents. Instead of coming inside, he just sat still and wholeheartedly listened to your playing. He didn't know the name of the song, but he could feel a sense of sadness and loneliness in your playing. Were you sad? Probably, you were hurt by his words before.... Without a notice, the sound was disrupted. After a few seconds, you opened the door and came outside. To his surprise, you said. "Let's talk. I have something to tell you."

[scripttorture]

In your review of Captain America: TWS, you pointed out that you can't use torture to make a person do something they'd be morally opposed to, and I'm concerned that I might be doing something similar here. I have a character who was raised in an institution under the constant threat of execution until he was drafted into the military, where he was terrorized into killing people the same way before ultimately escaping. How would this play out so I don't repeat what TWS did wrong?

Firstly thank you for reaching out. I know that this is a reallydifficult subject to research.

 I think the first question you need to ask is how opposed is yourcharacter to killing?

 Don't go with the instinctive 'well of course he's opposed to killingeveryone is!'. Unless your character is a pacifist and would consistently arguethat it's preferable to die than kill chances are they're not strongly opposedto killing per-say they're opposed to killing particular people underparticular circumstances in particular ways.

 There is a difference between someone being absolutely andwhole-heartedly opposed to something and someone who... can be coerced orconvinced into going 'against' their beliefs because they're not reallystrongly held beliefs.

 I think I'd probably best illustrate that with an example. In 'Nonviolence: The History of a DangerousIdea' Kurlansky describes multiple occasions of pacifists approaching armedsoldiers and using their bodies as human shields.

 In one example he describes a Pashtun boy who followed Bacha Khan’steachings walking up to a British soldier and asking to be shot. The Britishsoldier shot him dead.

 In another example he describes a Roman man, conscripted into the army,telling his superior officer that as a Christian he refused to kill anotherhuman being. The officer ordered him to walk unarmed in front of the othertroops as they went into battle. He did and was killed.

 Is your character this opposed to killing? Or even this opposed tokilling in the manner the army in your setting wants him to?

 If he really is utterly and wholeheartedly opposed to it then nothing canforce him to change his mind.

 But usually, for most characters and things we write about, that isn’tthe case. That gives you some room to play with and some options.

 I think part of this also comes down to how you’re using torture in yourstory: if it’s just a short cut to getting a character to change their mind then…wellthat might not be torture apologia but it is a bit of a sloppy handling of a sensitivetopic.

 Torturehas long term effects on victims, the majority of victims will be livingwith symptoms for the rest of their lives. That’s doesn’t mean that they can’t go on to lead full and happy livesbut torture- well O’Mara argues that the structural changes to the brain itcauses amount to brain damage.

 I think that portraying torture as if it’s ‘just’ the physical pain avictim experiences in that moment downplays the damage it causes.

 So if you decide torture isright for your story then I’d strong recommend you look at the link above andpick out some symptoms for your character. We can’t predict which symptoms anindividual survivor will experience, so I suggest picking them based on whatyou feel fits the story and character.

 Given that this takes place over a much longer time period then mostattacks I’d suggest slightly more symptoms in this case, 4-6.

 Memory problems are incredibly common in torture survivors, but rarelyshown in fiction so I tend to encourage people to use them. The most commontypes are general forgetfulness (difficulty keeping appointments, findingthings etc), false memories (often of torture or events chronologically closeto it), missing memories (usually notof torture itself but of events shortly before or after) and intrusive memories(constantly being reminded of and going over details of the traumatic event).

 Addiction problems and PTSD are probably among the more common symptomsgiven to fictional male soldiers. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use them if you feel they fit but if you want to dosomething a little different you might want to avoid them.

 And torture doesn't just affect the victims. Torturers tend to developexactly the same sorts of symptoms as victims do over time. Torture also has apronounced negative effect on organisations in general. It causes organisationsto fracture into sub-factions and can actually get bad enough that in onemilitary organisation (in Brazil) people who were nominally on the same sidestarted kliling each other. Having torture as part and parcel of amilitary-like organisation means a much less effective organisation: one with alot of people suffering from serious mental and physical health issues, a poorchain of command (torturers tend to ignore orders), factionalism that can leadto brutal violence and incredibly bad moral.

 Showing all the long term effects of torture (if you want it to be partof your story) is a good start.

 I keep stressing that you don't have to use torture because I want toemphasise that it's not your only option. There are quite a few realisticoptions open to you and (I know it's taken a while but-) I think I've finallygot through the background information so I'll try to cover as many of them asI can think of now.

 What I’m trying to do here is give you as muchchoice as possible so you can find something that fits your story.

 I think if you want to make this primarily about the character’smoral/ethical development then taking torture (at least the torture of the MC)out of the story might improve it. In this scenario don’t include any form of overt ‘force’ or threat to make the characterkill or otherwise act immorally. Instead show the kind of pressure he’d beunder to act that way: how it gets soldiers praise from their superiors and(possibly) material rewards. Show how speaking against it leads to socialisolation and how trying to actagainst it risks severe military punishments. Show an organisation that’s builtaround encouraging this character to act in ways he’s uncomfortable with.

 And show how he steps away from that. Show how difficult that is, how itcuts him off from any friends he has in the military and how his superiorsattempt to punish him for it.

 If you wished to you could then include some form of torture as a ‘punishment’which would then strengthen the character’s resolve and his opposition to themilitary.

 Another possible realistic option is to show a military organisationthat’s starting to fracture because of torture. Your character, as a ‘good guy’,as someone who’s uncomfortable with killing and (presumably) against torture-well if he got transferred into a unit that contained torturers he’d be atarget.

 Most of the time in the early stages they use bullying tactics, they tryto use social pressure to make the person quit or transfer. I’ve also heard ofsoldiers being ordered on suicide missions.

 If the character persists and if he tries to reform things, if hecomplains and refuses to participate- he might end up getting tortured. Againthis would probably strengthen his opposition to the entire military and hisdrive to escape.

 Another option would be writing the character going into this situationbelieving that the military is always right. If he was raised in the sort ofinstitution that usually feeds into the military then he may well have beenraised to believe that the military does these things for good reason and they’regood people and all of this brutality ‘works’.

 Then of course he actually does it. And it’s terrible and it affects himdeeply.

 He’d struggle with guilt and doubt and self loathing. He’d probably feelthat he was as guilty as everyone else (indeed he is) but the difference wouldbe that torture ends up driving him away from the military.

 Going back to the fracturing effects torturers have on organisations-One of the things torturers sometimes do with new recruits is…essentiallyexpose them to torture in ways that are potentially incriminating. They makethe recruit feel that if they tried to report the incident they’d be seen asjust as guilty as the torturers.

 I’m going to use waterboarding as an example- Say one of the othercharacters passes by and says ‘oh by the way the Sargent wants you to bring abucket of water down to room 2B’. Your character probably assumes he’s supposedto clean the room. He arrives, opens the door, and sees a victim tied to a board,feet raised in the air, hood over their head. He’d probably freeze, that wouldbe a normal response. One of the torturers takes the bucket and pours it overthe victim’s head. They make an awful sound. Your character might run away, ortry to have it out with the torturers, but sooner or later when he thinks aboutprotesting someone will say ‘but you brought the bucket!’

 Torturers use these sorts of tactics to prevent people reporting thembut they also use them to try and pressure new recruits into joining them.

 This approach actually avoids torture per-say. It’s mostly about socialpressure and again, only works if your character isn’t extremely opposed to the idea.

 They bully. They harass. They keep the character isolated. Theybasically make his life as miserable as possible until he gives in to theirdemands.

 These sorts of tactics can and have driven people to suicide.

 Another option is the ‘ICURE’ pattern of psychological manipulation:Isolate the person, Control their access to information, plant Uncertaintyabout prior beliefs, use Repetition to reinforce the beliefs and values theorganisation wants to instil, and manipulate Emotions in order to furtherreinforce those values. In something like a military organisation it’s veryeasy to….use these sorts of manipulation techniques to try and change thebeliefs of recruits into something deemed more favourable.

 These techniques can be used to gradually change people’s opinions andbeliefs. If you wanted to you could show your character being manipulated usingthese techniques and how these social pressures could drive him to do awfulthings under orders.

 If you wanted to you could then use torture as a traumatic incident thatdrives the character to break away from the military. Or you could just havehim witness atrocity after atrocity, showing how that wears him down until hedecides the military is the problem.

 You could also use something close to your original scenario, with atoxic environment full of torturers and a real threat of torture scaring the character into short term compliance.

 But the problem with that is it really is short term and shallow and it only seems to work for relativelysimple actions. The more complex something is the more likely a character whois under duress will mess it up (either on purpose or because they’re morelikely to be highly distressed and not concentrating on their work). If yourplan was the have the character stay in this military organisation for years,doing these things repeatedly, then- well the longer he’s forced the stay in anenvironment like that the more likely he’d; commit suicide, escape, attack oneof the torturers/ranking officers, refuse orders or do something obviouslytreasonous.

 Hopefully one of these scenarios fits reasonably with your story. Thereare a lot more possibilities, and I could keep writing but without moreinformation on the story I’m not sure if it would be helpful.

 So if I haven’t covered whatyou want please send in another ask when the box is open. Take up as many asksas you like.

 I hope this helps. :)

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