#he said 'trust me ive got a plan / when the lights go up you will understand' .... thats gotta be SOMETHING right

[cozage]

2k followers lets goooo!!! (Proud follower hereee!!!) And ive been wanting to request smth from you for a while now and i think this is the perfect opportunity !! Can u create some hesdcanons for sabo, law, luffy, zoro, and sanji (maybe shanks too?) where the reader wants to leave the crew/organization their in coz of smth from their past, making them have to? They could've already left, about to leave quietly, betrayed them unwillingly etc!!! Do your thing !

^ - ^

Angst to comfort plsss my heart cannot take anymore heartbreaks huhuhu

A/N: just did the captains for now :)

Characters: gn reader x Sabo, Law, Luffy, Shanks Total word count: 1.2k

Blackmail

Sabo

You were gone when Sabo woke up. No note, nothing. But you had knocked out some security guards in your escape off the island. So Sabo set off, trying to figure out where you had gone. He would go to the ends of the earth to find you again if he had to. 

Some people called it denial. Some called it insanity. Some called it pitiful. He didn’t care. He had been called all those things before.

But he knew you. He knew that you wouldn’t betray him. Not like that. He refused to believe everything you two shared wasn’t just an act. 

He chased you for weeks, following your tracks and just barely missing you at several encounters.

He was so close, and he couldn’t help but feel like you were leaving him a trail. You knew how to disappear. The fact that he could find you meant you wanted to be found. 

When he finally found you, curled up in a bed with shackles around your arms as you slept, he knew you were doing everything against your will. The two men who were guarding you were easy enough to take care of, and he woke you up gently. 

“We’re going home,” he whispered, unlocking your cuffs. 

When you realized it was him, you began sobbing, apologizing for all the trouble you had caused. But he refused to accept your apologize-you owed him nothing of the sort. You were safe now, that’s what mattered. 

After you return home and he’s certain you’re safe, he sets off to find the mastermind behind the whole blackmailing situation. He’ll never let anyone ever hurt you again, and those people need to be taught a lesson. 

Law

Your plan was to slip out quietly, in the dead of night. You had snuck sleeping pills into everyone’s drinks, and you were certain they would be out until morning. 

So your heart dropped when the light flicked on as you were stealthing through Law’s office to take your leave. 

“Y/N,” Law’s voice was steady and alert. ��Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” You refused to look at him. He’d be able to see through you in an instant.

“Is that why you attempted to drug me?” he asked, and you silently cursed yourself. Of course he would notice. “This isn’t like you.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” you said through gritted teeth. “Stay out of it.”

“I know you enough to realize your hands are clenched and your entire body is tight, which means you’re doing something you don’t want to do. I also know you won’t look at me when you’re lying, so you’re obviously hiding something.”

“Just stay out of it, Law.” You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if he got hurt.

He suddenly shambled in front of you, and you couldn’t hide your tear-filled eyes anymore. He stared down at you, slightly disappointed in your lack of trust in him.

“We can figure this out together,” he reminded you. “You’re not alone. And we’re stronger together than we are apart.”

You let out a sob and collapsed into his chest, thankful for his endless love and acceptance, even when you tried to push him away. 

Luffy

Luffy didn’t understand what you meant by “leaving the crew”. Especially since you wrote it on a note.

“We’re all in agreement, right?” he asked his crew. “Y/N needs our help. So we’re going to help.”

Everyone was in instant agreement. A goodbye note wasn’t like you. Even if you did want to leave, they all deserved more than a note. 

Luffy made it his top priority to find you. They scoured the island, searching for hours. But nobody found you.

The next day, Luffy was the first one awake, and he was on the island before Sanji could even make breakfast. He was searching, determined to find you. 

When he finally rounded a corner and made eye contact with you, your eyes widened. “Leave me alone!” you hissed, and then you took off running.

He easily chased after you and tackled you to the ground. “You’re not leaving!” he yelled, pinning your arms to the ground. “Not like that!”

“Luffy!” you hissed. You both needed to be quiet, or he would be seen. “Please go! Just leave.”

“Haven’t you learned?” he asked, his voice breaking. “We’re a family. We solve problems together. You don’t leave notes saying goodbye. Don’t we mean anything to you? Don’t I?”

His big, sad eyes finally made you break down, explaining everything to him and how you couldn’t sail with him due to a problem you had on the island. 

Needless to say, Luffy fixed that problem immediately and had already forgotten about it all by the time the two of you got back to the ship. 

Shanks

“That’s a lot of supplies for a quick run to port.” Shanks’s joking tone was present, but you could hear that his voice held something else.

“Things to sell,” you replied smoothly. If you could get off the boat and away from the crew, then at least they wouldn’t be hurt in the process.

Shanks hummed, clearly not believing you. “Strange of you to sell your most prized possessions, yet leave the emeralds and diamonds we picked up from that other ship.”

“Shanks-”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on.”

You thought about running, but a glimmer from the crow’s nest told you that Yasopp was watching closely. Time to switch to Plan B. “I’m leaving.”

You could feel Shank’s gaze on you, his heart breaking at your words. 

“I don’t like it here anymore,” you said, trying to keep your wits about you. “It’s suffocating. I can’t stand it.” You turned to look at him, mustering all the hatred you could. “I can’t stand any of you.”

You could see Shanks wrestling with your words, trying to decipher truth from lie. You had an excellent poker face, but unfortunately, he knew that as well. 

“Kiss me, then.” Shanks walked toward you, and you stiffened at the thought. “You may be able to lie with your words, but your lips don’t lie when they’re pressed against mine. So let’s see if you’re telling the truth.”

“I never want to kiss you aga-” His lips crashed into yours, cutting your words off. 

You tried to pull away, but you couldn’t. Your body simply wouldn’t let you. After a few moments, he pulled away, and you let out a soft whine in protest. 

Shanks grinned, the answer to his question plain as day. He was relieved to know you didn’t actually hate him, but now there was an actual problem to be solved. 

But he didn’t blame you, he blamed whoever put you in this situation. And surely they would pay.

[evis-gossip]

His mission.

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x reader

Categories: Light angst, fluff, mostly hurt/comfort.

Warnings: Protective! Ghost (he’s a warning okay). Talk of injuries. No use of Y/N. Allusions to long hair and small body.

Word count: 0.8k words

A/N: Pls have in mind I’m super new to this fandom and have never played COD, hence, I got no clue about the lore. Feel free to let me know fi anything's wrong.

You were his mission. The 141 had to find you, unharmed if possible, forced if necessary.

But when he found you, his heart clenched. Simon didn’t even think he had feelings anymore, and yet, your curled up frame, in the corner of the room, barely covered in a thin hospital gown, the skin exposed littered in cuts and bruises, shaking and whimpering, cold and most likely terrified, he found himself questioning his own lack of feelings.

Something deep inside him made him want to protect you at all costs. Take you and cradle you in his big arms, hold you close and wipe your tears away. And that’s exactly what he did.

He put his weapon down, under Gaz and Soap’s curious and nearly judgmental gaze. He approached you as if it were the case of a small animal, with extended hands and a cautious heart.

You hide your face between your knees, expecting the hurt, the pain to come, it never did. His warm hands settled softly on your back and your knee, trying to bring a kind of comfort he never known himself. “Hey, there” he sounded surprisingly soft, but you still whimpered “It’s alright, you’re safe now”. He didn’t hesitate to sit himself right next to you, while the rest of the squad secured the perimeter.

It took some coaxing, but he finally got you to let yourself be touched without crying. He wrapped you up in his baklava and scooped you up in his arms, cradling you like a small child. He carried you effortlessly to the aircraft, bowing to himself to not let you go unless absolutely necessary. Every time he heard you wince when he accidentally pressed his calloused hands to a bruise, he had to physically restrain himself from finding the monsters that did this to you and beating them to a pulp. But first, he was going to get you cleaned up, find out who you were and protect you with his life.

He got to the plane before you fell asleep on his chest, which wouldn’t have been the worst, but it wasn’t his plan. This was: he sat down on his designated spot and sat you down on his lap, the baklava tight around your shoulders. He pulled his skull mask off so that you saw his face and hopefully, recognized (trusted) him when you woke up. He brushed your hair back with his rough hand, mostly to make you look at him. His blonde hair was disheveled and his brown eyes tired, but kind, the type of kindness neither of you remember receiving in a long time. Maybe that’s why he took to you so easily.

“Name’s Simon. What’s yours, angel?” He broke the silence, almost in a soft whisper, bringing you out of the spell that had you lost in his eyes. You nearly squeaked as you hid your face in his chest. On one hand, he was disappointed he couldn’t get a word out of you. On the other, he was glad you found comfort in him. He still held close for the remainder of the flight, caressing your back gently, lulling you to sleep.

By the time you woke up, you were still in his arms, being carried to the medical tent at camp. He had the highest respect for his superiors, but right now, he was ignoring their orders to report the mission immediately. That could wait. He needed to make sure you were taken care of, everything else was secondary. He laid you down gently on the cot, but you whimpered and he was quick to cradle you again. You let yourself be checked over as long as he was holding you. The nurses said you needed rest, lots of fluids and mostly nutrients. He felt his heart in a tight fist at hearing you were suffering severely from malnutrition and dehydration. They had you hooked to an IV and on sedatives. Before he knew, you were out like a light, and again, not a word from you.

He wiped your still wet cheeks before finally laying you down on the cot, never tearing his eyes away from you. He had your tiny hand wrapped in his, and in your pale state, but peaceful slumber, he had the quiet to realize against his will, that he could never let you go. He didn’t even know your name. You were his mission. He couldn’t find it in himself to care. Price came by to get a mission report and “inspect the target”. Simon didn’t like the sound of that. They could run tests, get fingerprints, find your identity, what they had done to you, later. Right now, they had you, so they could fuck right off.

He had you, and he would keep you safe.

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning Out • IV

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 4.4k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter Four- Show my Thorns (EDITED: 09-03-24)

new? start from chapter one here

My own words stung as they reminded me of my past felonies, but I supposed she truly was my favourite victim. If it wasn't too messed up to say something like that.

"Will I see you for your usual coffee?" She asked, hope seeping through her eyes. How could she want to see me again?

"Yeah," I replied with a forced laugh, lying through each breath. "See you then."

I stepped out of the car and turned to wave before opening the door to the motel room. My heart ached as Y/N drove away.

Goodbye.

Tell me that I'm wrong Tell me that I'm wrong

+++++

NOAH

As soon as I stepped inside, Ruffilo pulled me into a tight hug that almost crushed my bones.

"I was so worried, bro," he exclaimed, his worry now replaced with relief.

"Who was in the car?" Folio asked, peering out the window before quickly shutting the curtain.

"It's a long story," I groaned, collapsing onto the cot once more.

"I don't care about the story," Jolly interjected angrily. "What did you manage to steal?"

"Nothing," I admitted, cowering under their disappointed stares.

"You were gone for that long and came back empty-handed?" Folio said, his disappointment palpable.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Jolly laughed. "I thought you were over your little episode from earlier."

I sat up and looked at each of them in turn. "Trust me, I had a great haul. Until I got caught."

"You didn't," Ruffilo deadpanned.

"It's fine, she won't say anything," I reassured them, taking off my shoes.

"What? So now you trust some random girl who caught you breaking into her house? How desperate are you?" Jolly growled. "We're screwed."

"She drove you home too? Now she knows where we live? You idiot!" Folio yelled, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"What was in the haul?" Ruffilo asked curiously.

Sighing heavily, I mumbled into my hands, "Almost full bottles of Diazepam, Adderall, Zolpidem, and Dextromethorphan."

All three of them groaned in frustration.

"Dude, that's worth thousands of dollars!" Folio exclaimed. "You should go back and get it if you're all buddy-buddy with her now."

My glare could have killed me as I shot daggers at the youngest member of our group. "Fuck off. It's not going to happen."

"No, Nick has a point," Jolly chimed in. "That's a good haul. We could use the extra money right now."

"I said," I growled through gritted teeth, "It's not going to happen."

I stormed off towards the bathroom door and slammed it shut behind me. Leaning against the door, I let out a frustrated groan and ran my hands through my hair. My mind was conflicted and confused, unable to believe that this day was even real.

I turned the shower on, and stripped off my clothes, letting the water wash away my sins.

I can't forgive you, but I can't look away I walked through fire I was born in the flames

+++++

Y/N

As I climbed the stairs to my house, Juice followed close behind. A sigh of frustration escaped my lips as I tried to make sense of the events of the day. My confusion only increased when I saw a backpack sitting in front of my bedroom door, its contents shifting with each step I took. I couldn't resist the urge to investigate and opened the bag, revealing all of my prescription pill bottles inside. My heart raced as I stared at them, unsure if they had been intentionally left there or if he had planned to sell them for money. But with only four hours until I had to be at work, I pushed those thoughts aside and prioritized sleep over worrying about it.

+++++

As I worked that morning my mind was consumed with the events of last night, replaying over and over again in my head like a broken record. Was it lack of sleep, anxiety, or the intoxicating presence of Noah that kept me on edge? Annika noticed my restlessness and questioned me, but I brushed her concerns off with a forced smile and a lie about being tired.

Despite my rational thoughts telling me otherwise, my heart yearned for Noah. There was something about him that drew me in, despite his criminal lifestyle. He was unlike anyone I had ever met before.

Throughout the day, I found myself constantly glancing at the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him walking in. But he never did.

It wasn't until half an hour before closing time that the familiar ding of the doorbell sounded, causing my heart to leap in anticipation. I turned around, hoping to see Noah's long hair and captivating silver eyes, but instead was greeted by another man with long locks and tattoos covering his arms. His onyx hair and striking silver eyes held a similar intensity to Noah's, but there was something different about him.

My thoughts immediately went back to Noah as this new man ordered the same coffee as him - one cream and one sugar. As he handed me the change, I couldn't help but notice the intricate tattoos adorning his knuckles. My hands trembled slightly as I handed him his cup, taking in the words etched above each finger: "Bad Omen" spelled out above a crescent moon design.

We locked eyes for a moment, a sense of understanding passing between us as I handed him his drink. Despite his similarities to Noah, this man seemed completely different - yet my mind kept going back to those piercing October eyes.

Can one of us be saved? Better in a grave

+++++

NOAH

"Does she know about the tattoo?" Nicholas asked as he handed me a cup of coffee. I adjusted my sunglasses while taking a sip, the warm liquid soothing my throat as I thought of her again. I had told her the truth when she asked, but now I regretted it. It would have been better if we had just gone our separate ways.

After my shower, I filled Ruffilo in on everything that had happened with Y/N. He always understood me and listened to me best, even though he was surprised by how things turned out.

"She seemed so hopeful when she turned around," Ruffilo said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets as we walked back to the motel. "I think she wanted me to be you."

"I don't understand why," I said.

"Because you're not a bad person. She can see through whatever walls you've put up. You two were interested in each other before last night because you went out," Nicholas sighed. "And the fact that she still seems interested after everything means two things -"

I gave him a questioning look, waiting for him to continue.

"- Either she's crazy, or she sees past your past because she gets it," Nicholas reassured me. And he was right. Y/N could understand certain aspects because she had just escaped from her own cage; but was I ready to risk everything to see her again? Was there a chance that she could forgive me?

Ruffilo glanced at his watch, "We need to hurry back. Jolly and Folio will be here in ten minutes to pick us up and we still need to meet with D to drop off the load."

I nodded, picking up the pace and taking another sip of my coffee. "Hopefully they made enough money to make up for yesterday's loss."

Nicholas patted my shoulder, "Don't beat yourself up too much brother. You almost got caught and managed to evade it."

"I did get caught, just not by the law," I corrected him.

"Okay, but you were caught by a beautiful woman instead. I'd say that's a win-win."

I playfully pushed his shoulder, brushing off his comment; but he was right. Y/N was gorgeous.

We reached the motel and saw Jolly and Folio loading bags of cash into the car.

"Did we make a good haul?" Ruffilo asked as he lit a cigarette. We walked over to them and I eyed the bags; there seemed to be an excessive amount of money.

Folio nodded, "We made enough to cover last night's loss and then some. Looks like we'll be dining well tonight!" He clapped his hands together before tapping them on the hood of the car, exuding excitement.

I questioned with caution, “How did you manage to get all of this in just a couple of hours?” Jolly lit a cigarette and jumped into the front seat. We followed suit, but I rolled down the window to avoid the smoke from filling the car. I could handle smoking joints, but cigarettes burned my throat.

Jolly explained, “We robbed a convenience store off of 9th Ave. It was the quickest way to get the cash we needed.”

Skeptical, I narrowed my eyes and watched him through the rearview mirror, “Aren’t you the one who always says we should avoid businesses because it’s too risky?”

Jolly scoffed, “Yeah, but I do it well. So I don’t mind taking that risk, especially since we were thousands behind.”

I muttered, “Whatever,” and looked out the window. The meeting with D today was crucial; it would determine if we could finally get out of this mess.

The ride was silent until we arrived at the abandoned warehouse by the pier. Dread washed over me as our car was surrounded by men in black masks, guns hanging from their arms.

“Out with your hands up,” a masked guard commanded from outside the car in a muffled voice.

We complied, used to this standard procedure.

D’s familiar booming voice echoed from down the pier, sending shivers down my spine as his shadow approached us under the moonlight. His silver blonde hair glinted in the moonlight as he towered over us, taunting us like prey.

“What have you brought me this month?” he asked eagerly.

“We have about thirteen thousand,” Jolly reported as the guards searched our car and opened up the duffle bags.

D’s eyes flicked between us sharply and scanned the crowd as if looking for any discrepancies. He clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

“I recall agreeing upon fifteen thousand this month,” he remarked.

Jolly almost lunged at him, but he kept his composure and clenched his fists, “No, we agreed on twelve. And you should consider yourself lucky we even managed to get the extra thousand instead of keeping it for ourselves.”

D chuckled darkly, his teeth twisting into an evil grin, “Oh, I’m lucky, am I?”

He walked closer, arms crossed behind his back in a display of power, “I would say you should be lucky that I’m willing to let you get away with this, for a price.”

“We did what you asked,” Jolly growled, “We shook on twelve.”

D smiled smugly and raised a questioning brow, “Yet you brought thirteen.”

Jolly remained silent and the rest of us watched as D strutted between our bodies like a predator encasing its prey in its trap once again.

“I expect twenty thousand next month. Clearly, you are capable of bringing in more,” he stated firmly.

My eyes widened in shock and I turned to the boys for confirmation.

“Twenty?” I exclaimed incredulously, my eyebrows shooting up in disbelief, “How the fuck are we supposed to get twenty? You keep raising the price and we’re getting closer and closer to getting caught every day.”

D cackled cunningly, “If it weren’t for you young Noah, we wouldn’t be in this situation. So maybe it’s time for you to step up and find other ways to earn money.”

Ruffilo pleaded, “But we can’t get twenty.”

“Let’s make it twenty-four then,” D clapped his hands together with a sickening smile on his face, making me want to punch it off.

“Twenty is fine.” Jolly clenched his jaw, struggling to keep a pleasant expression on his face. D sauntered over and clapped him on the back, but Jolly flinched away from the false camaraderie.

"That's my boy," D said with fake enthusiasm. "But I have some good news for you."

My ears perked up at the mention of good news.

"Your debt will be paid off next month. This twenty grand will cover everything."

I had to hold back from cheering out loud, but when I glanced at Ruffilo, we shared a silent moment of celebration. Could it be true? Just twenty thousand dollars more and we would finally be free?

D's tone turned sly as he continued, stepping closer to me until our chests were almost touching.

"There is one condition though," he said with a sneaky smile. "Noah is the only one who can pay me back. No help from anyone else. It has to be Noah's work."

+++++

As soon as we got into the car, tears of anger streamed down my face. This had to be a dream. Why the fuck couldn’t I wake up.

“The four of you will wear trackers. That way I know Noah’s alone when he gets the cash, and brings it to me at the end of each week.”

The boys remained silent the whole way, Nicholas giving me sympathetic glances every so often.

“One final test to see if you’ve really learned your lesson, pretty boy.”

I punched the headrest in front of me, anger seeping through my veins. Pretty boy.

“I think we could all use a drink.” Jolly sighed, turning the car into the parking lot of a local bar. Sammy’s.

The boys got out of the car and I lingered there for a moment, squeezing my eyes shut as my chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. Fuck this. Fuck everything. Life was a literal bad omen.

I opened the door, slamming it forcefully as I pulled my hood over my head, following the boys into the bar. I avoided the crowd, sliding into the booth Jolly led us to, leaning into the wall.

“What do you want Noah?” Ruffilo asked.

“Tequila,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. At least that would numb the pain for a bit, “Hennesey.”

“Shouldn’t mix that but ok,” Ruffilo said, standing up to grab the drinks; as he turned he hesitated, “Uh, Noah-”

I raised my head to meet his gaze, pulling back my hood in curiosity before shifting my attention to the woman standing behind him at the counter. Y/N was there, dressed in a tight black tank top that hugged her figure, paired with short shorts that barely covered her hips. The fanny pack slung around her waist and name tag completed the look, but I couldn’t believe this was the other job she had.

We locked eyes as I stared at her in surprise, feeling my cheeks flush as she pushed back her hair and gave me a smile that lit up her kind, pleading eyes.

"He's right," Ruffilo said with astonishment, shaking his head at the sight of us. "There's some sort of connection between you two."

"That's Y/N?" Folio whistled lowly, ogling the woman as she chatted with a customer now, glancing over every few seconds.

"How do you know about her?" I muttered through gritted teeth, leaning towards him in a hushed tone before looking over at Nicholas. "Did you tell them?"

"They needed to know," Ruffilo responded defensively, shrugging his shoulders before walking over to the bar.

"She's stunning, no doubt about it." Jolly grinned approvingly, his eyes still fixed on Y/N as she talked with Ruffilo, occasionally glancing back at me.

I couldn't help but keep stealing glances at her until my cheeks burned and I had to turn away. Her gaze felt like it was scorching holes into my skin. "So, now what?" I asked, raking my fingers through my hair and anxiously twisting the ends.

"Just go say hi, you idiot," Folio exclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You guys are clearly checking each other out, so just go do it over there."

I let out a sigh and forced myself out of the booth. As I walked towards Ruffilo and Y/N, her face lit up with excitement.

"Why do you keep following me?" I teased, taking a seat on the stool in front of the counter. Nicholas pushed a tequila shot and a cup of hennesey towards me.

I downed the liquor in one gulp, relishing the burn as it travelled down my throat, savouring the taste of ignorance.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Y/N laughed softly, taking the empty glass from me. "But at the same time, I'm not really surprised at all."

"Something keeps bringing us back together," I chuckled, downing another shot of the brown liquor as its fiery warmth danced across my tastebuds. "I have a feeling that I'm meant to get to know you."

Ruffilo left with three beers, leaving Y/N and I alone. She absentmindedly played with her hair again, tucking it behind her ear. "It's pretty strange," she commented with a small smile.

I nodded, “Can I get two more shots?”

Y/N raised a brow but lined up the glasses, pouring the liquor into them. I downed it again, sighing heavily.

“You got your friend to get your coffee this evening?” Y/N asked now, colour rising to her face as she warmed, almost like she was embarrassed at noticing my lack of presence.

“I’m surprised you’re talking to me after finding what was in my bag.” I laughed, my vision starting to blur. It’s been a while since I’ve drank, and my tolerance must have lowered.

She poured me another, as If I had asked with my eyes, and smiled gently, “You didn’t take it back with you though. You left it behind.”

Not sure it was quite on purpose, but I’m glad she thinks so.

“Those guys are your gang?” She nodded her head towards Jolly, Folio, and Ruffilo. I turned, and they immediately looked away, pretending they weren’t watching our entire interaction unfold. My ears began ringing as the alcohol consumed me, the song playing above us getting louder.

I carry your heart around Like a child that has just been born I try not to let you down And I try not to show my thorns

“Those are my brothers.” I nodded, resting my head on the wooden counter, and closing my eyes in defeat.

“Noah… are you ok?” Y/N placed her hand gently on my own, and my body warmed.

You can run but cannot hide If we fail, then at least I tried To save your soul from becoming hurt and scared

“Yes,” I whispered, lying through my lips.

Y/N came around the counter, reaching for me full of compassion. She hugged me again and I leaned into her touch.

I pretend that things are alright I can comfort you and hold you tight

She saw right through my lies. "I can take my break now. Want to talk about it?" I sat up, trying to focus on her through my blurry vision and the buzz of alcohol in my system. Standing up unsteadily, I took hold of her wrist and pulled her with me towards the restrooms. "Noah," she whispered as we turned the corner, out of sight from anyone else.

To love you feels like Walking on broken glass

I was fully aware that I didn't deserve someone like Y/N in my life. The way she treated me with kindness and compassion, a stranger or, as she put it, a level two acquaintance, left me amazed. But deep down, I knew that she was meant to be a part of my life in some way. Fate had brought us together, even if it was only for a short time. As I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms around her, I couldn't help but hold onto her as tightly as possible. Her warmth enveloped me and I savoured every moment of her touch against my hands, which often showed no mercy.

"Why do I feel like I can tell you anything?" Y/N peered back up at me through her lashes and rested her head on my chest.

"Why do I trust you?" She laughed softly, holding onto me tightly.

Running my hands gently over her back, my nails grazing her smooth skin. "I guess it's because I fit your type."

Her laughter filled the hall again as she smiled up at me. "Oh, right, of course."

"But seriously," I said, swaying with her in my arms. "There must be some reason why we were drawn to each other."

"Maybe," she replied.

"There's no other explanation," I stuttered, feeling the alcohol start to take over. All I could focus on was the warmth of her body against mine and the racing of my heart. My hand travelled up her arm and cupped her chin, lifting her face to meet mine.

Will you carry my heart around When it's old and grey? Will you stay until we fade away?

Our gazes locked, and I couldn't resist leaning down towards her. Our lips met in a soft brush, but I couldn't stop myself from deepening the kiss. It was a bad idea, but at that moment, I didn't care. Y/N stood on tiptoe, returning my kiss with equal fervour. My hands instinctively held her close to me as my heart raced with desire.

I kissed her hungrily, my mind filled with a thousand steamy images. Was it because of the alcohol or my lack of physical intimacy lately, or was it simply because it was Y/N? My hands slid down to her thighs, eagerly exploring her skin before slipping under the hem of her shorts.

“Noah,” she gasped, breaking away from our embrace.

“Bathroom,” I whispered huskily, urging her towards the door. As soon as we were inside, I locked the door and lifted her onto the bathroom counter. The invitation was clear as I positioned myself between her legs.

Her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer as our lips met. I couldn't help but smile against her mouth, unsure of where this was heading but only focused on the desire to take her right here, right now.

"I want to take you against this counter," I murmured.

She moaned in response but then pulled away with hesitation. "I don't know if this is a good idea-" she started to say, but I tugged at her belt loop and pressed my body against hers.

"Just one night," I whispered, my forehead resting against hers as we both caught our breath from the intense kiss. "One night to feel anything but pain."

Y/N's gaze locked with mine before she closed her eyes and nodded, pulling me back in for more kisses. The anticipation and excitement coursed through my veins, making me even harder with each passing second.

I pushed her shorts down, revealing her underwear as she sat on the counter. A primal groan escaped my throat as I watched her spread her legs just for me.

This was all so messed up, yet in this moment, it didn't matter.

My hands trailed across her skin, slipping into her panties and tracing her slick folds with my fingers. My body ached to replace them with my own heat, longing for her touch.

But for now, I kissed her again while my fingers explored inside of her, causing Y/N to gasp and shiver with pleasure. My thumb danced along her core, teasing and building up her desire as we lost ourselves in each other's bodies.

Desire consumed me as I pulled back, asking for consent. Y/N's hooded eyes watched intently as she nodded eagerly, urging me on.

"Please, Noah," she pleaded, positioning herself at the counter's edge. I spat into my hand and Y/N followed my movements with rapt attention as I prepared myself before entering her. We locked eyes again and she gave a nod of approval before I slid inside, my body immediately trembling in response to her movements. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes briefly as Y/N's warmth enveloped me.

I will never forget the day Our souls became one And I know there's a secret We've been Swallowing Lying so passionately

Her brow furrowed as she focused on the feeling of my body inside hers, letting out soft gasps as I moved my hips against hers. From my intoxicated state, I observed her closely, trying to decipher her expressions. As she tightened around me and moaned, I held onto her thighs with my nails digging into her skin. In that moment, I remembered a similar experience in her bedroom earlier that night.

"Don't make a sound," I warned, covering her mouth with my hand. Her eyes widened before becoming hooded again, clearly infatuated with me. "I wouldn't want you to get fired."

Y/N looked like she wanted to protest, the enticing noises begging to escape from her throat. My body was overcome with pleasure, the sensation of being with her intense and passionate. My forehead wrinkled as I struggled to keep going, knowing that I was close to climaxing. Unfortunately, alcohol didn't exactly improve my endurance.

Her soft plea filled my ear as I held her hand firmly in mine. My body responded to her words, and I gripped her hips tightly as I thrust into her, letting the pleasure take over and numb any lingering depression. With each forceful movement, I found release and pulled out of her to finish stroking myself, spilling onto her stomach.

My breaths came out heavy as I knelt down and trailed kisses up Y/N's thigh. She watched me with confusion in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asked but spread her legs wider.

"It's your turn now, princess," I replied, reaching for her core and pulling her towards my mouth. I started sucking on her delicate skin, causing Y/N to cover her mouth with one hand and tangle the other into my hair as she rocked against my face.

I savoured the taste of her body, hoping deep down that it was meant to be mine.

"Fuck, Noah," she moaned, throwing her head back against the mirror as she rode the wave of pleasure. Her eyebrows were furrowed in ecstasy.

"Don't stop," she begged, and I didn't. I gave her everything I had.

"Come for me, Y/N," I said between licks and squeezes of her hips. "Be a good girl for me."

As her legs started to tremble and her mouth opened in a silent scream, she reached the peak of her climax. I continued until she pushed me away, her breathing becoming shallow as she caught her breath. I took hold of her chin and brought her lips to mine, yearning for her to taste herself on my tongue.

Life had broken her; just as it had broken him. But when they got together, their pieces became whole. And they started on their journey, together, mended as one. - Steve Maraboli

Chapter Five

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

@princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant

@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @Anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

[disillusioneddanny]

I'm Ready to Go DPxDC

TW: suicide

Tim woke up groggy, sleep melding his eyelids shut and a throbbing pain came from his abdominal area. Beneath him he could feel the rock-hard medical bed he was laying on, the mattress having nearly no give to it. Shifting his arm ever so slightly, he could feel an IV needle embedded in his veins. He stayed quiet, though, as he forced his eyes to rip open. The dull lights of torches had him almost immediately realizing where he was as his brain slowly started to kick back on.

He was back in the underbelly of the League of Assassins and could smell the sulfuric stench of the Lazarus Waters nearby. The sharp pain stabbed through his abdomen once again and Tim bit his lip to hold back from the whimper that threatened to escape. 

“Ah, I see you are finally awake, Detective,” a familiar, posh voice said lightly from beside Tim’s head. His eyes whipped over to find Ra’s Al Ghul staring down at him with those beady, leering eyes of his. 

“What the hell happened?” Tim snarled out as he ignored the stabbing pains in his abdomen and forced himself to sit up. 

Ra’s tsked. “It would seem the Widower got his hands on you. But do not worry my young detective, I ensured you were safe and taken care of,” he said with a sly grin that Tim knew not to trust. “You see upon his attack you lost a vital organ and I took it upon myself to remove a few others just so that I could have them for safekeeping,” he said, eyes glittering with glee. 

“Which ones,” Tim snarled out. There was something far too uncomfortable with the fact that Ra’s was just keeping Tim’s organs somewhere. He didn’t trust the Demon’s Head with his body like that and knew that the only reason Ra’s Al Ghul would keep them would be for nefarious reasons. He would need to get rid of them before he left this hell hole.

“Your spleen was the most damaged one. But really I saw no need in you needing to keep your gallbladder and your appendix. You may know that they are simply evolutionary leftovers so I chose to remove them,” he said with a shrug. “As well as a few other things. But that is neither here nor there, you’ll be healed within the next twenty-four hours.”

The vigilante ticked off in his head that Ra’s had taken a few other things from his as well and made a note to figure out just what exactly he had taken from Tim as soon as he could figure it out.

Tim arched an eyebrow at the man. “And why do you say that?” He asked, looking over his body and searching for Ra’s face for whatever the hell he was missing here. Why the hell was Ra’s doing this? What was his plan? His motive?

“Because I have a proposition for you, Timothy,” he said with a smug smile. “Currently you are being fed just enough of diluted Lazarus Water to keep you alive. In twenty-four hours you will be dipped into the Lazarus Waters and healed completely and will no longer be at risk of death.”

“And what’s the catch?” Tim asked, carefully crossing his arms over his chest as he looked over the Demon’s Head. 

“The catch, as you say, Detective, is that you will only take that lovely dip in the Lazarus Water to heal your poor, broken body, is if you agree to be my bride and assist me in creating the perfect heir,” he crooned, leaning close to Tim, placing a pointer finger beneath Tim’s chin to tilt his face up to look at him. 

“And if I refuse?” Tim asked. 

Ra’s shrugged his shoulders. “You will be disconnected from your intravenous line and will be cut off from the Lazarus Waters that are currently keeping you alive. So the choice is yours, die or be healed and be mine. And if you choose death, do not worry my beloved. Your organs will be more than enough for me to create the perfect clone of you.” 

Tim shuddered in horror as Ra’s stared at him with that evil, predatory smile of his and Tim found himself shrinking back in the medical bed. This wasn’t part of the plan. He knew what he was getting into when he had come to Ra’s for help. Knew that asking Ra’s to help him get proof to show that Bruce was still alive, somewhere in the timestead would be tricky. But this wasn’t what he was expecting either. He knew that Ra’s was sneaky and conniving but to force Tim into a marriage with him? Didn’t he care that Tim was barely seventeen?

“Can I have time to think about it?” He asked, staring up at the assassin king with tired, weary eyes. His body felt so, so heavy at that moment.

Ra’s simply leaned forward and pressed a possessive kiss to Tim’s head. “Choose well, my beloved,” he crooned before leaving Tim alone in the room. Tim stared at the wall in front of him, his eyes unseeing as his brain tried desperately to figure out a solution, to come up with some way to get himself out of this situation. 

He was connected to an IV that was giving him enough Lazarus Water to keep him alive. He was apparently missing multiple organs, some which were likely important to keep him alive. If he even managed to break out of the League of Assassins base how long would he last before his body succumbed to its various injuries?  He could live without his spleen, appendix, and gallbladder but Ra’s had said he had taken other things. And that had him nervous. All of his limbs were intact. He pulled the blanket covering his legs to find bare feet intact and there. He wiggled his toes just to be safe.

Tim carefully maneavuered himself to be in a full sitting position to take better account of his body. He looked over his nude body, taking note of the new scar that crossed Tim’s stomach and tried to even his breathing as he realized the emptiness on his chest. The Lazarus Water that was already being fed into his system had already healed all of the incisions, leaving nothing but faint scars in its wake. 

His breasts were gone.

He furrowed his brow as he ran a shaky hand over his now flat chest, taking note that Ra’s had not bothered to have his nipples sewn back onto his body upon his mastectomy. It was a surgery that Tim had been thinking about getting ever since he had come to terms with the fact that he was transgender, but one that he hadn’t decided to get yet due to his own fears of having the top surgery and the long healing process that came with it. 

Now, though, he didn’t seem to have to worry about it. And if Tim was being honest, it kind of made him sad. He had looked forward to the day he would get to tell his family that he was scheduling his top surgery, and looked forward to the feeling of having them removed and the gender euphoria that would come with it. But now he was just sad. Ra’s had taken the decision away from him and that hurt more than he expected it to.

Ra’s likely thought he was doing Tim a favor by removing them himself. Like some kind of morbid wedding gift, or a way to sway Tim to agree to marrying Ra’s. 

“Fuck,” he whispered and looked down at the surgical scar that covered the lower part of his abdomen. Ra’s wanted an heir so it was unlikely he took Tim’s reproductive organs, not only that but it didn’t seem like Ra’s had decided to give Tim bottom surgery as well which likely meant he was wanting to have Tim give birth the old fashioned way and wasn’t that fucked to think about? 

He rubbed his fingers across the scar carefully, still staring at them in horror before looking over the rest of his body, he still had all of his fingers, his ears were both there, and nothing else seemed to have been altered without TIm’s permission.

“Fuck,” he whispered out. “Fuck,” he shouted, slamming the blanket back over his legs and letting out a groan. He had no way of knowing what else Ra’s would have removed from him, no clue how he would get out of here. He was naked as the day he was born, his body was now fully relying on the Lazarus Waters. 

Ra’s had made sure that his options were as narrow as possible. If Tim were to even try to escape he would need to get anything that had his DNA from Ra’s to ensure that a clone wouldn’t be mad. But would he have enough time to do that without being connected to the IV any longer? 

His options truly were death or marriage. 

What a fucking shitshow. 

“I wish I could find at least a third option. Anything would be better than this,” he whispered sardonically. 

“So you wish it, so it shall be,” a feminine voice whispered in Tim’s ear before a soft sigh stirred through the air. Tim whipped his head around for a moment before his eyes landed on the bubbling Lazarus Pit that was not too far from him and his hospital bed. 

He watched as a woman slowly emerged from the pits, a being unlike anything Tim had ever seen. Her skin was the same color green as the Lazarus Pits. her hips ended down to a tail, blue skirt seemed to cover her lower half, and a blue top covered her chest. Gold bangles rested on her green arms along with lilac wrist braces. A light blue tiara sat upon her dark black hair as she floated towards Tim. 

Her hand cupped his face gently as she gave him a sad, soft smile. “My child,” she said softly. “I understand what you are experiencing. Once, many years ago, Ra’s Al Ghul gave me a very similar choice as yours. Before my death, I was a harem girl who had one Ra’s heart and he had promised to grant all of my hearts desires, had even promised me a kingdom of my own,” she said and sadness shone through her bright red eyes as she held Tim’s face. “That was until I was no longer enough for the Demon’s Head wife who learned of our relationship and did what she could to get rid of me. Not that Ra’s tried very hard to protect me from the woman,” she said with a humorless laugh.

“What does this have to do with me?” Tim asked, eyeing the pit demon warily, not sure what to do with this new information. He was unfortunately not surprised by her story, it sounded exactly like something that Ra’s Al Ghul would do to someone.

“Upon my death, my spirit has wandered around forever granting others wishes, yet at a great personal cost,” she said softly. “For that was what happened to me, I was given a gift unlike anything else yet in the end it cost me my life.”

“And you can what? You can grant my wish? Give me a third option to get away from Ra’s?” Tim asked, arching his brow. 

The being nodded her head, sorrow clear upon her face. “I can,” she said softly. “My king, King Phantom, he is unlike anything I have ever seen in my existence. I can have him turn you into a being like himself, if you will allow me to grant your wish, he will appear and he will give you a third option.”

The being gave Tim a sad smile. “I wish that there was more that I could do, but this wish is the only way I can help,” she told him. Tim stared at her for a moment, looking over the being's face, studying her features. If what she was telling him was true, that Ra’s had killed her, she had to have been a ghost. Was she trapped here? Was there any way that he could get her a different place to haunt rather than the fucking League of Assassins base?

“What if I wished for you to be free instead?” He asked and the woman let out a loud laugh. 

“Oh you sweet child, I am free. I can go wherever I would like whenever I would like. I am here because I made sure that no one would suffer the same fate as I did at the hands of Ra’s Al Ghul and his wife. And I will not allow you to suffer at the hands of the Demon’s Head.”

Tim pursed his lips. He had no other options. He knew that this was a risk. There was a chance that this ghost was lying to him about her entire tragic backstory just to trick him into agreeing. But what did he have to lose? He was going to die as it was. His only options at the moment were to marry Ra’s or die and have a clone replace him and neither option was good. Whatever option this ghost was giving him, it had to be better than his current options. Even if she did say it would come at a great cost of its own.

Anything would be better than his current options. 

“What’s your name?” He asked, looking up at the ghost. 

She gave him a lovely smile. “Desiree,” she said softly. “Now, allow me to grant your wish, my dear and let us get you far, far away from Ra’s Al Ghul.”

He nodded his head. “Do it,” he whispered, his heart feeling like someone had clenched it in their first.

Desiree gave him a gleeful smile and raised her hands to the air as green smoke started to fill the room. “So you wished it! So it shall be!”  She shouted before a being started to slowly rise from the smoke and Desiree seemed to completely disappear from the room. 

In her place stood a boy about Tim’s age. He had snow-white hair, glowing green eyes, and lightly blue skin. He looked around the room curiously before his eyes landed on Tim’s face and his head tilted to the side in curiosity. 

“Hm, I’m never part of Des’ wishes anymore,” he said curiously as he stepped forward and continued to look Tim over. 

Tim gave him a wary look. “King Phantom?” he asked hesitantly and a look of annoyance flashed over the being’s face for a split second before he huffed out a laugh. 

“I’m not king anything,” he said as he walked towards Tim and sat at the foot of his hospital bed. “But that’s a story for a different time. Desiree seems to think that I am the one to grant your wish.” 

He looked Tim over for a moment with eyes far older than that of a teenager. It reminded Tim of his own eyes, eyes that had seen the very worst of the world, had seen the very worst of himself and had come back in one piece despite all the odds. 

“The way Des grants wishes has already given me the information I need to make it happen,” he said and winced slightly as he looked Tim over once again. “Death or marriage, what a shitty decision to make,” he said wryly. 

“You don’t understand-”

“I do,” he said, cutting Tim off before the teenager could grow any more indigent at the moment. “I know all about Ra’s Al Ghul and the evil he is capable of. He’s a disgusting worm and I’m unfortunately not allowed to interfere. But what I can do is make it where he can’t get his hooks into you if you so wish,” he said with a small smile, showing little dimples in his cheeks. 

“So what’s the alternative? Desiree said it comes at a great price,” Tim said warily, still eyeing the being up and down. 

Phantom huffed out a breath as he looked over the room they were currently in surveying the cave for a moment. “It does, you’d become like me. You’ve sustained far too much damage to live a normal life ever again but we can work with that. You’ll become something called a halfa. Half ghost,” a bright light shone in the room for a moment and when Tim blinked back the spots in his vision he found a human teenager sitting in front of him. Gone were the otherworldly features, instead he found a dark-haired teenager with pale white skin, blue eyes and rounded-off ears rather than the pointy ones he had before. “And half-human,” he said with a small smile. 

“But the human half, would it be able to survive? I’m missing some pretty important parts,” he said with a wince and Phantom shrugged. “Yeah, your human body won’t be alive because of your heart or lungs or any of that. In its place, you’ll have something much better, much more powerful, and potent running in your veins. It’s similar to the Lazarus Waters but better, purer.”

Tim listened with close attention as Phantom explained ectoplasm to him, explaining how it would replace any part of Tim that was no longer functional. According to Phantom, it was currently what kept him alive as it was. Phantom’s own change into being a halfa had brought him back from the dead, restarted his heart and brain, and kept him going. He explained that he no longer needed to eat or drink as the ectoplasm kept his human body alive. He admitted that he still enjoyed doing those things and was able to do so without any real consequence. 

What he was explaining to Tim sounded like a dream come true if the vigilante was going to be honest. 

He had never been good about taking care of himself. Had always struggled with remembering to eat and hydrate. He went days at a time without sleep and apparently being a halfa would do that for him. 

There had to be a catch, though, there was always a catch and Desiree had already said that much. 

“But the cost?” Tim asked. 

“You’ll be dead,” Phantom said softly, his eyes sad. “You’ll have your human body but you’ll still be a half ghost. You’ll be forced to suffer from obsessions as each ghost does, to bend to the will of your obsessions. Des’ is to grant wishes for others since she never got hers fulfilled. Mine is safety. I died because my parents didn’t care about my safety or the safety of others and now i’m obsessed with ensuring the safety of everyone around me, of protecting them from harm.”

“Like a vigilante,” Tim said with a small smile. Phantom gave him that sad smile. 

“Like a vigilante,” he said with a sigh before he shook his head. “Now, the only other main stipulation to this is that you’ll be bonded to me. But I think a bond with a weird ghost teenager is a little preferable to a marriage with a creepy immortal assassin,” he said before giving Tim a nervous look. “It’s the only real option I have that keeps you mostly alive and not married to the creep. Hell, once we do it, I’ll even help you destroy this place and deal with the consequences of my actions later.”

Tim cocked his head to the side. Marry Ra’s, die and have a clone replace him, or become half-dead and bonded to a ghost he didn’t know anything about. His options were absolute shit but the decision was thankfully easy to make. Phantom’s option at least gave him an out and that was more than the other two did. And even if he was going to be bonded to Phantom, which he had a feeling was a ghost equivalent of marriage, he could see the two of them at least becoming friends after all of this. And maybe Phantom would even train him in his new form once he took it. 

Maybe he could even get Phantom to help him find Bruce. Ra’s was obviously a dead end and was not going to do what Tim needed and Phantom could possibly give him a better perspective on how to find Bruce. He was a ghost after all, maybe he would know more about the situation than any of the living did.

“What do we have to do?” Tim asked, eyeing the human teenager in front of him warily. 

Phantom just grinned, a smile that was still just a little too inhuman for his human physique. “We’ll have to kill you,” he said before looking around curiously. “Do you have a preference on how you die? I died by electrocution and honestly, I can’t recommend it. Ten out of ten would not recommend it.”

Tim huffed off a soft laugh and shook his head. “Can you get me a knife? I can do it myself.”

Phantom frowned at him yet produced a sharp knife from thin air. It was a simple thing with a black handle and a long slim silver blade. It was beautiful and incredibly sharp. Just what Tim needed to get the job done. 

With nimble, sure fingers he disconnected himself from the IV that was currently feeding him Lazarus Water to keep him alive. He hissed as he removed the needle and allowed the arm to freely bleed, it wasn’t like he mattered, he was about to die anyway. 

“And you’re sure this will work?” Tim asked as he took the handle of the blade from Phantom who was still watching him warily. 

He nodded and with a flash of light changed back to his Phantom form. Only now his eyes glowed a bright blue color. “It will,” he said solemnly. 

Tim nodded once and before he could stop himself or talk himself out of it, he took the knife and slid it along the scar that already marred his throat from a previous murder attempt from Jason. He didn’t feel much as the blood slipped from the wound, the knife slipped into his lap but Tim wasn’t paying attention to it. Not when ectoplasm poured from Danny’s body and straight into the gaping wound in Tim’s throat, filling his body and burning him with a power unlike any other. 

It wasn’t life that was now filling Tim’s veins, it wasn’t life that was now forcing his heart to continue beating as sharp pain burned across his throat. It was something unlike anything Tim had ever felt. It wasn’t life, but it sure as hell wasn’t death either. 

It was a magic that was unparalleled. He had never felt anything like this in his entire existence. It felt as if his very molecules were being changed and arranged. Tim had never wanted to die so badly in all of his life. 

He had undergone extreme torture at the hands of mad men, had been nearly murdered by two of his brothers, he had gone through hell and back, and yet nothing compared to the burning, burning, burning pain that was now filling his body.

A gasp escaped his lips and Tim found no relief in the air that now filled his lungs. He wasn’t sure when he had closed his eyes but forcing them to open was a feat unlike any other. 

When they finally split open everything looked different. 

The world was sharper, clearer than it had ever been, he sniffed and nearly cried out at the stench that flooded his nostrils. The putrid sulfur nearly had him gagging and a soft chuckle made its way to his sensitive ears. 

“Yeah the change in your senses is a mind fuck,” Phantom said with a small smile. “Welcome to the halfa life,” he said and held out a hand. Tim carefully took it and finally took note of the change in his own skin color. Gone was the pale white skin that he had gotten from Janet Drake, in its place was a light green colored skin, a pale mint green color. His fingers were now tipped with dark claws that were pointed into tips. 

“I’m green,” he mused, turning his hand this way and that. Phantom snickered. 

“I’ll have to get you a mirror,” he said before a soft smile appeared on his face. “Your ghost form is very beautiful.”

Tim felt his cheeks heat up slightly and he looked up at Phantom, shock covering his face. “T-thank you,” he said softly. Phantom just cracked a grin. 

“You know, I don’t think I ever got your name,” he said and held out a hand. “The name’s Danny, by the way. Danny Phantom.”

Tim took the cold, blue hand in his own green hand and shook it once. “Tim, Tim Drake, or better known to some as Red Robin.”

“Well Red Robin, how about we get the second part of your wish taken care of and then I can whisk you away to learn how to use your new powers before you go back home?” Danny suggested as he got off the bed and floated in front of Tim, his legs fusing together to form a tail. Tim frowned and looked at his own legs before realizing he was no longer naked, no longer covered by the thin, satin blanket that Ra’s had provided for him. 

Instead, he was wearing a different form of his Red Robin suit. The suit was the exact same as his old one, the main difference being that this one was all black and was missing his cowl. He pressed a hand to his face and felt the familiar texture of a domino mask covering his face and a long black cape behind him. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you a mirror when we get out,” Danny told him before he held his hand out once more. “Now let’s go.”

Destroying the labs and finding all of the tissue Ra’s had stolen from Tim’s body had been far easier than he had expected it to be. Danny had turned the two of them invisible and shot beams of ectoplasm at different targets in the lab, destroying pretty much everything in sight. He had then looked at Tim with a wide, mischievous grin on his face and Tim found himself growing more and more okay with being bonded to Danny. 

The two had found themselves flying off into the night with the entire League of Assassins base burning behind them. Danny had flown him through the air, their hands interlocked and wind blowing through his hair until he had gotten far enough away to open up a portal that the two flew into. 

“You know, I think being married to you won’t be that bad,” Tim said with a laugh as they landed on a green island in the middle of a strange dimension. 

Danny spluttered. “What? What are you talking about?” He asked, looking at Tim like he had grown a second head. 

Tim frowned. “You said we were bonded,” he said and Danny nodded. “Which I assumed is the ghostly equivalent of being married.”

At that Danny gave him a disbelieving look before throwing his head back and letting out a loud laugh. “Oh Ancients, no, no! I’m only seventeen! I’m not ready for marriage.” Now Tim felt dumb. He frowned as Danny stepped towards him and ran his fingers through Tim’s wispy white hair. “We aren’t married, Tim. Bonding is something between an adult ghost and a baby ghost. Basically, our cores are bonded together, since you’re a baby ghost still you don’t know how to regulate your ectoplasm, change forms, or well, be a ghost. My job is to help you do all of that until you’re sure that you can survive on your own without my assistance. If you’re hurt or in trouble, your core will call out to mine and I can come and help you with whatever it is. And then when your core has fully developed and you can handle your powers on your own, the bonding will fade.”

Danny bit his lip and gave Tim a small smile. “If it’s any consolation, I do think you’re very pretty and a lot of fun. But I would never try to force someone into a marriage. Especially not after they were just told that their only options were to marry a creepy ninja assassin who’s like eight hundred years old or die and have a clone replace him.”

“You think I’m pretty?” Tim asked dumbly. The events of the day were starting to catch up to him and he would be the first to admit that it had made him a little dumber than usual. 

“Very,” Danny said seriously. “Now, why did you go to Ra’s Al Ghul in the first place?”

Tim let out a breath and explained to his new friend what exactly was happening and Danny just grinned evilly. “What is it?”

“The ghost of time owes me a favor, come on,” he said and took Tim’s hand once more. Tim felt his stomach flutter as the two flew through the purple skies. Maybe being a halfa wouldn’t be too terrible, especially if he had Danny at his side.

[dreamonseems]

Thank You

Erling Haaland X Female Reader

Summary: Birth of baby number two

Literally, because i have been killing myself with work, I got so sick that I had to be in the hospital. Life's been crazy so sorry iv been MIA, I'm didn't even have a good vacation lol because I was sick. I'll hopefully be uploading throughout the week.

The much-awaited time had arrived for the couple to welcome their second baby, just like they did with Ragnar. They had planned for a home birth, hoping for a smooth and serene experience. Y/N's labor began around 4 pm, and they eagerly called the midwives to assist with the birth. Everything seemed ordinary in the beginning, but as the night progressed, the atmosphere took an unexpected turn.

Y/N, her breath becoming heavier, voiced her unease, "I don't feel good, something doesn't feel right." Her words carried an air of concern that immediately caught Erling's attention. Worriedly, he turned to the midwives, seeking answers, "What's going on?"

One of the midwives responded, her face reflecting the seriousness of the situation, "Her blood pressure is getting really high. We will have to take her to the hospital. Call an ambulance now."

Erling's heart skipped a beat, feeling the sudden rush of anxiety and fear. "What's happening? Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" he asked, his mind racing with worries. Sensing his panic, the head midwife, Doris, approached him and took him aside. With a reassuring tone, she said, "We will do everything we can to keep her calm until we get to the hospital. The doctors there will know how to help. But I'll need your help to keep her from freaking out."

Summoning all his courage, Erling took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He returned to Y/N's side, determined to support her through this challenging moment. He began massaging her back gently, his voice a soothing balm as he spoke calming words, "The baby will be okay, Y/N. You and the baby will be fine. Don't worry about that. Let's just stay nice and calm. Trust me, everything will be alright."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she clung to his words for comfort. "Is the baby going to be okay?" she questioned, her emotions running high.

Erling looked into her eyes with unwavering love and assurance, "Yes, of course, baby. You and the baby will be just fine. I promise you that. We're in this together, and we'll get through it." He continued to provide her with the support and strength she needed, knowing that his presence and words meant the world to her in this moment of uncertainty.

The ambulance rushed to the scene, lights flashing and sirens blaring, as they urgently transported Y/N to the hospital. Inside, the atmosphere was filled with tension and a sense of urgency. Y/N clung to hope, her heart pounding with anxiety while Erling sat beside her, trying to provide whatever reassurance he could.

As they arrived at the hospital, medical personnel were standing ready, anticipating their arrival. The doctor and nurses sprang into action as they swiftly took Y/N to the emergency room. Erling, desperate to be by her side, attempted to follow them, but he was halted by a nurse.

"We will take care of her and figure out what's going on. We'll call you when we are ready to have you in the room," the nurse informed him with a gentle yet firm demeanor.

Erling's heart sank at the thought of being separated from Y/N during such a critical moment. He nodded in resignation, though every fiber of his being longed to be with her. As he stood there, watching them take his wife away, he felt a sense of helplessness like never before. It was an overwhelming feeling of being lost, unable to do anything to help the love of his life and their precious baby.

Unable to bear the weight of his emotions, Erling sank to the floor, leaning against the hospital wall. He folded his hands together, seeking solace in prayer like never before. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and his voice trembled as he cried out to God with all his heart, "Please, God, please don't let anything happen to them. I beg you to protect them. Bring them both through this safe and sound."

Every word was filled with raw emotion, and Erling's heartache was evident in his fervent plea. In that vulnerable moment, he laid bare his deepest fears and hopes, finding a glimmer of strength in the act of prayer. The waiting seemed like an eternity, and Erling held on to the hope that his prayers would be heard and answered.

All around him, the hospital bustled with activity, but Erling remained on his knees, his thoughts consumed by his beloved wife and the life they created together. The uncertainty weighed heavily on his shoulders, but he held on to the belief that his love and faith could make a difference. Through the pain and the fear, Erling clung to the hope that soon, he would be reunited with Y/N and their unborn child, safe and sound.

"Mr. Haaland, you can come in now. She's pushing, and she's a strong one, your wife," the nurse called out to Erling with a hint of admiration in her voice. Erling's heart raced, and he swiftly rushed into the delivery room. He knew this was the critical moment he had been waiting for, and he couldn't bear to miss it.

Just in time, Erling stood by Y/N's side, gripping her hand tightly as she bravely pushed to bring their precious bundle of joy into the world. Y/N's face was flushed red, her tears mixing with sweat as she vocalized the intensity of her efforts. With every ounce of her strength, she pushed, determined to bring their baby safely into their arms.

With bated breath, Erling watched as their little one made their way into the world. But as the baby emerged, a sense of fear crept in. There were no cries, and the baby's complexion looked bluish. Time seemed to slow down as panic threatened to consume Erling's heart. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, and his mind raced with worry.

Y/N, still dazed and exhausted from the labor, was unaware of what was unfolding. She went in and out of consciousness, her eyes hazy as she caught glimpses of Erling's shocked face. Fearful for her baby's well-being, she repeated the question, "What's happening? What's happening?" But there were no answers forthcoming, and Erling found it difficult to tear his gaze away from the baby to comfort her.

With every second feeling like an eternity, Erling's heart sank as he focused on the baby's condition. The silence in the room was unbearable, and he prayed with all his might for a miracle. Just when it felt like time stood still, their baby finally let out a strong cry, piercing the air with life. Relief washed over Erling, and he couldn't hold back his emotions.

"Oh, thank you, thank you," Erling cried out, his voice trembling with gratitude. The sound of their baby's cries was music to his ears, a symphony of hope and joy amidst the fear and uncertainty. In that moment, he knew that they had overcome a major hurdle, and the bond between him, Y/N, and their newborn grew stronger than ever.

He turned to Y/N, her tired but elated expression mirroring his own feelings. The world seemed to fade away around them as they heard their babys cries, cherishing the miracle of life that they had brought into this world together.

As the anticipation reached its peak, the doctor's voice filled the room, ringing with a mix of excitement and tenderness, "It's a boy!" The words danced in the air, and Erling's heart swelled with pride and love. As the doctor gently placed their newborn son on Y/N's chest, a rush of emotions overwhelmed them both.

Y/N's eyes glistened with tears of joy as she looked down at her precious baby boy. A joyful chuckle escaped her lips, intermingled with tears, as she marveled at the miracle cradled against her. Her heart felt like it would burst from the overwhelming love she felt for the little bundle in her arms.

Erling's eyes welled up as he beheld the scene before him. His beautiful family, now complete with the arrival of little Elias, filled his soul with an indescribable sense of happiness. His hand trembled with emotion as he gently caressed his son's tiny, delicate head.

"His name is Elias," Erling declared, his voice quivering with affection and certainty. The name carried a sense of meaning and significance, carefully chosen to be a perfect fit for their new addition.

"Elias... I like it," Y/N said, her voice tender, yet teary-eyed. It was as if the name resonated deeply with her heart, sealing their bond as a family. The joyous tears cascading down her cheeks mirrored the overwhelming happiness in Erling's heart.

In that sacred moment, time seemed to stand still as they basked in the pure bliss of becoming parents once again. The room was filled with an aura of love, a cocoon of warmth and happiness that enveloped the new family. Elias, swaddled in love, had already woven himself into the hearts of his parents.

As they gazed at their son, they knew that this journey of parenthood would be filled with challenges and wonders, tears and laughter, but they were ready for every single moment. Little Elias had made them a family, and they vowed to cherish and protect him with all the love they could muster.

With Elias in their arms, their hearts were overflowing with love and gratitude. Y/N and Erling looked at each other, their eyes shining with affection, and shared a smile that spoke volumes. They knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of love, joy, and precious memories, and they couldn't wait to embark on this beautiful journey together as a family of four.

[silverofthunder]

☆ (the beauty of) your world ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN Reader

summary: With a smile on your lips, you just listened to him, enjoyed how his voice seemed to reach somewhere deep and touch you in a way you couldn’t quite explain. It was truly beautiful and you could swear that if you hadn’t already fallen for Copia it had certainly happened now, right in this moment.

content: 2.8k words, mystery (kind of), drama, fantasy, romance, fluff, SFW (i think?)

♡♡ part 1 ♡♡ part 2 ♡♡ part 3 ♡♡

Fourth part already, wow! Now I have finally started to plan this story so it might help keeping this all together - hopefully, at least. This is my fave part so far, it was so easy to write this. Enjoy!

The time seemed to pass way too slowly as it usually did on Fridays. You had checked the clock too many times and picked your phone up several times to scroll social media so you could have something to do when there were no customers to be seen. However, there wasn’t much to see in social media apps – only a few posts about weekend plans or cute photos of pets and then only random recommended, boring stuff that you just ignored.

You leaned against the counter with sigh and locked the phone, putting it aside and let then your gaze to take in the shop. It didn’t take long before a sound of buzzing got your attention and you picked your phone back up, seeing the notification of a new message arrived hovering on the screen. Your heart made a happy jump in your chest as you saw Copia to be the sender and quickly you unlocked the phone, opening the message.

Meet me by the abandoned church at 10 pm. - C

Smile rose to your lips instantly, excitement hopping up several levels within you. Your curiosity was aroused, too, so you had to reply and ask what that was about. It didn’t take long before Copia replied with ”you’ll see it, then” and a winking emoji. You let out a light chuckle, mind already starting to ponder all the options of what would await for you. The abandoned church itself was a cool sight to see and you had done your exploration there a few times but surely there was going to be something more.

”Whoever got you smiling like that must be a special one.” Your co-worker’s, Olivia’s, voice broke you out of your thoughts and you quickly unlocked your phone, turning your head to see Olivia looking at you with amusement.

”Yeah, he is,” you admitted and Olivia seemed to study you closely.

”It’s fairly new thing, isn’t it?”

”Yes,” you answered briefly as you really didn’t want to share much about your personal life. Olivia was nice and all but you wouldn’t exactly call her your friend.

”If he is a good one, please, tell me where did you find him? I’ve gotten so sick and tired of the assholes who just disappear after one meeting or who don’t know how to treat a woman respectfully,” Olivia said and you could almost sense her frustration.

She had talked about her… acquaintances several times and it seemed that she had been really unlucky with guys but you really couldn’t indentify with her situation. You had never looked for anyone, you had enjoyed your single life until Copia had just appeared in your life.

”Maybe you should just stop looking for someone,” you suggested, shrugging and then grinning. ”Worked for me, at least.”

Olivia didn’t look impressed, her one brow rising up.

”So I should just wait and see if I happen to run into someone in one day and then he magically falls in love with me?”

You chuckled, nodding. ”Yes. It honestly can happen.”

”I doubt it,” Olivia stated, though now there was a small smile tucking at the corners of her mouth. ”How did you meet your guy, by the way?”

You grinned, shaking your head.

”Trust me, you don’t want to know that.”

Olivia looked like she wanted to ask more but you shook your head again and she got the message. You weren’t going to tell her more. Not now, at least.

You were a bit late as you had taken too much time figuring out what to wear for the evening. Eventually you had settled for a button up shirt and some loose-fitting trousers with a long, warm coat, scarf and your favorite mittens. Copia was already waiting for you, leaning against the handrails in front of the church, a guitar case on the stairs by his feet.

”Sorry, I’m a bit late,” you apologized, smiling at him as you climbed a few stairs up.

”Don’t worry, I have all the time in the world,” he said, pushing himself off the handrails and taking a hold of your hand and leaning in to kiss your cheek.

”What’s that for?” you had to ask, pointing the guitar case. ”I didn’t knew you play a guitar.”

”I didn’t play for a long time but I felt it would be nice to do that for a special occasion.”

”And this is that special occasion?”

”Yes,” Copia said, smile wide, and picked up the case, still holding your other hand. ”Let’s go.”

You let Copia lead you away from the stairs, taking then turn to right and head behind the church. It was kind of hard to see when there were no working lights around on your path but you trusted that Copia, or vampires in general, had a good night vision. You tried your best at not to trip on any branches of bushes or anything else that grew or were on the ground as you walked forward and realized that maybe your choice of trousers and coat wasn’t the best.

Copia took you all the way to the back of the church and then continued forward where there seemed to be some smaller building. You walked past that, and then you could see another, a bigger building rising before you. Copia stopped by the metallic staircase and motioned you to go first.

”Is this safe?” you asked, eyeing the stairs suspiciously.

”Yes,” Copia said softly, gently patting your back and urging you forward.

You started climbing, the metal under your feet giving a small noises with every step. It was kind of unnerving but knowing that Copia was there with you, made you feel safer. With Copia’s instructions you climbed until you reached the roof and when you turned to look at towards the church, the sight that greeted you was so pretty. You could see the city spread out before you in all its night glory, the lights shining in different shades near and far, the moon casting its light above you.

”Wow,” you said in awe. ”I had no idea that you can see the city from here.”

”Well, now you know,” Copia said, stepping beside you and putting the guitar case down. ”This is one of my favorite places, I have spent so many nights here.”

”I can see why.”

You took a glance at Copia, seeing him looking at you with a soft, happy expression.

”What?” you asked, now properly turning to Copia.

”I thought that if I ever found someone… special I would bring them here,” Copia spoke softly, a dreamy smile on his lips. ”This is a part of my world – the quiet, oftentimes lonely nights. But seeing all this made me feel less lonely, no matter how odd it sounds.”

Something tugged at your heartstrings and you instinctively moved closer to Copia and wrapped your arms around him to comfort him. He relaxed into the embrace and for a while you just stood there, in silence.

”So this is a date, then?” you eventually broke the silence, pulling slightly back so that you could look at Copia.

”Sí, obviously.”

You smiled, moving your hand and giving him a light, playful shove to the upper arm.

”Such a romantic,” you teased, making Copia laugh, a proper, deep laugh this time. You loved the sound of it, your smile only growing wider. It always felt good when you made him laugh.

”Always have been,” he said, maybe half-jokingly, then leaning in and placing a kiss on your forehead. ”Now, sit down and get ready for some guitar tunes.”

You didn’t have to be told twice so you sat down, eager to hear Copia playing. While you waited Copia to take his time for getting ready, you let your gaze admire the night lights, and hoped that you had taken your notebook and pen with you. It wasn’t typical for you to leave home without them but this time you had thought that you would rather enjoy the moment as it was, without any distraction.

”Here,” Copia soon said, your gaze falling to the worn-out notebook he was handing to you. ”There’s some pieces of lyrics I’ve written.”

Surprised you took the notebook, examining the cover. There seemed to be some symbol on it, like it was embedded on it but due to darkness and wear and tear you couldn’t make out exactly what it was. Just as you hesitantly opened the notebook, Copia played the first chords, and you removed your other mitten and took your phone out of your pocket, putting the flashlight on and pointing it towards the page. Words were written in black ink, handwriting looking pretty and for a moment you just admired it.

Copia was now playing properly, the soft, slow melody filling your ears and you started to read the words. The longer you read and the more you listened Copia’s playing, it felt like the words on the pages and the melody matched well sometimes. Whether it was intentional or just a coincidence, it was beautiful nonetheless. Then you closed your eyes, for a moment just focusing on the sound of the guitar, letting the music paint a picture in your head. Sadness, longing, hope.

It didn’t take a long before you were caught off guard by a low, sweet voice. You opened your eyes, turning to look at Copia completely in awe. You had had no idea that he could also sing but it certainly was a nice surprise. With a smile on your lips, you just listened to him, enjoyed how his voice seemed to reach somewhere deep and touch you in a way you couldn’t quite explain. It was truly beautiful and you could swear that if you hadn’t already fallen for Copia it had certainly happened now, right in this moment.

When Copia eventually stopped singing and played the last chords, you put your phone and Copia’s notebook down and plunged then forward to smash you lips against his. Copia let out a surprised noise, then melting into the kiss, his other hand cupping your cheek. You balanced yourself by leaning against Copia’s shoulders with your hands as your mouths explored one another slowly. There were so many things you hoped you could say but didn’t have words for so you had to try to convey them all through the kiss.

Way too soon air became needed for you so reluctantly you pulled away, searching for Copia’s gaze, your heart beating faster inside your chest.

”That was amazing,” you breathed out, knowing it was quite an understatement but right now you had no better words to offer. Copia grinned.

”I’m glad you liked it.”

”Liked it? I loved it!” you stated emphatically. ”You really have a beautiful voice and the lyrics… Wow, I’m impressed.”

Now Copia was basically beaming and you couldn’t help but lean to place a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. It made him chuckle and you felt the sound of it in your heart, the warmth spreading all over you.

”You definitely need to play and sing more,” you said smiling. ”Have you ever played for the audience?”

Copia nodded. ”Si, but it’s been decades since the last time. For some reason I lost a bit of the spark to do that even tough it was fun. But I think that tonight I might have gotten a part of that spark back.”

The way Copia’s eyes shined even in the darkness of the night, made you feel so happy.

”Are you implying that I inspired you to pick up the guitar and start singing again?”

Copia flashed you a crooked smile, raising his other brow.

”Well, you’re an artist yourself, so you probably understand how the inspiration works.”

You nodded, lifting your hand up to caress Copia’s cheek.

”Oh, I know that very well.”

Copia leaned against your touch, smiling sweetly, and you were so glad that he chose this night to spread out his heart and show more of himself. This was a perfect date, if you were honest. While you would have been completely fine with the basic movie or dinner date, this seemed more… you and Copia if that made sense. You weren’t even sure how dinner date would even work with a vampire.

”What’s going on in that sweet head of yours?” Copia interrupted your train of thoughts and you shook your head.

”It’s silly…” you started, lowering your gaze. ”I was just thinking how perfect this date has been. And I was wondering how it would have worked if we had had a dinner date instead.”

Copia moved his hand under you chin, gently making you to look at him.

You hummed, running your fingers along Copia’s cheeks, stopping right upon his upper lip. Copia’s lips parted slightly and you could see the fangs coming out, a wind-like movement passing you before settling into a warm vibration around you.

”That’s not silly,” he spoke softly. ”I’m happy that this has been a great date for you and I have also enjoyed this so much. And what comes for the dinner date… Well, I can eat human food but it doesn’t do much, you know. It would have been a bit weird for me but I would have managed it, of course. But it didn’t feel right for us so I wanted to do this.”

”With you I feel more like a human,” Copia said quietly, caressing your chin with his thumb. ”But I also hate these vampire aspects less.”

Smiling, you leaned closer to Copia’s face, watching closely how his other eye changed its color to red, how his nose twitched and you felt that odd satisfaction deep down as you knew that your scent was causing that. Naturally you had to close the gap between you, capture Copia’s lips in a kiss again, your mouths easily finding a perfect, slow rhythm. The night was cool and his lips felt cold against yours but you felt so warm within. It wasn’t a full, blazing fire but something more gentle, lingering – like a fluffy blanket wrapped around you. You hoped you never would have to let go of that feeling.

With a fluttering heart you pulled then back, smile matching to Copia’s as your gazes met. There was so much to see in those beautiful mismatched eyes, whole books of stories, remnants of the long life lived and you were already so lost in the vastness of it, the world you were now the highlight of.

The next thing seemed to happen in a blink of an eye and you found yourself to be pinned down against the cold surface of the roof, guitar now resting on the side and Copia hovering above you, his gaze taking in the sight of you. Gently he took a hold of you hand, pulling the mitten away and bringing your wrist close to his lips, then placing a light kiss on it, making you shudder.

”Could you feed off from me?” you asked, feeling how Copia tensed for a moment.

”Now?” he asked, confused, and you nodded, surprising yourself a bit by that.

”Yes, if you want to.”

Copia stared at you as if he was looking for any signs that could tell you weren’t actually serious. Then he inhaled deeply your scent, your wrist still close to his lips and you could see how tempting your offer had been. Then he shook his head, placing another kiss to your wrist.

”As much I would like to do that, now’s not the right moment,” he said, letting go of your hand, leaning closer and cupping you face. ”I’m not ready for that yet.”

You felt slight disappointment tying its knot within you but this wasn’t all about you or what you wanted. You didn’t want to drive Copia away by being too eager or persistent.

”It’s okay,” you said, offering Copia a reassuring smile. ”I can wait.”

A half-smile passed Copia’s lips as he run his fingers along the side of your face.

”It would hurt no matter how careful I would be. Until the venom kicks in, at least.”

”It can’t be that bad, right?” you sighed, and Copia made a face at that.

”Well, it doesn’t hurt as much as turning into a vampire but it still hurts.”

You pondered his words for a while, trying to imagine different kind of pain levels but of course you couldn’t grasp the reality as you had no idea how it would be. The idea of him biting you, feeding off from you, was still intriguing and you weren’t going to take back your offer.

”Okay, enough of this serious talk…” you said, changing the subject. ”Could we leave now? It’s getting a bit cold.”

Copia was instantly on his feet, extending his hand to you, his usual warm smile returning to his lips.

”Sure, I’ll walk you home.”

taglist: @nijiru

[hpdfag]

needle and bandage emoji to be specific . FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE BANDAGE

HI HI HELLO !!!!!!!!!!! WAVES this got long as fuck and i unmasked maybe a little too much so its hidden under the cut 4 now ... thank u for sending these in i always love a chance to ramble :3

🩹 - what would you do if your darling hurt themself??

auauahaghhhghhh i would feel SO TERRIBLE even if it wasnt my fault ... he deserves all of the grace in the world, i would do my best to make sure he knew i was there for him, that i really did love him, that he wasnt alone

i would worry about his safety very deeply, but i don't think i'd force him to stop. i'd tell him i was worried, and that i loved him, and that i wanted to do whatever i could, but ultimately it was up to him, you know?

ive had so many people react in just the worst most unhelpful ways when they figured out i had relapsed with self harm and i know i'd never wish that kind of insensitivity and callousness on my love, even if it was out of a place of love and care, i just want him to do what feels best for him

however if he carved my name in himself i think id. how do i put this in an appropriate manner. pass out. and if he wanted me to cut him up i would have a very hard time finding it in myself to say no ^_^ i may have some morals but they are a bit flimsy unfortunately

💉 - how far would you go to get your darlings love??

as far as i could push without him hating me or getting upset!! i think its a bit counter-intuitive to keep pushing and breaking down your darling until they give in. there's just no staying power to a relationship like that!

i'd mold myself into whatever he wanted, slowly but surely, so he wouldn't notice. if he said he prefered people with darker hair, a few weeks later, id get someone else to dye my hair and make them think it was their idea. if he wanted someone more assertive, who stood up for themselves more, slowly but surely id let myself grow, and try to find it in me to really speak my mind. if he wanted someone he could fix up, if he wanted a pet project he could be proud of, i'd let myself shatter, let myself fall into pieces again for him to put back together like kintsugi, better than i was before i fell apart because of him.

in general, im terrible at trying to take control. i fell first, but he was the one that asked me out, and then proposed. i try to be subtle, so there's no chance of me seeming overbearing. i'll become whatever he wants. anything at all.

i think also, part of this, is i trust him at this point to be able to control himself. he isnt some kind of idiot who only acts on base impulses, i trust that he loves me, and can have friends without becoming too buddy-buddy with them.

i couldn't kill anyone he cared about, it would make him too sad, and i'd be hesitant to throw a wedge between them, if only because we have such a small community back home. it would distort the balance. everyone relies on him, needs him, and i can't destroy that. i need to cultivate hope, not bring despair. our friends, they're scared of me, even if i'm relatively harmless. i think i could get people to back off pretty easily by just saying i was concerned, and they would know to do it in a way that didn't hurt hinata, because they know how serious i am about him. about his happiness. and they care about him too. so i would hope they know how to react to something like that. i would also hope it wont be necessary.

im planning on spending my life with him, not setting us both on fire. i need him to be happy. i need him to love me. i need to be able to love him to survive. ive toned myself down as much as i think i can in hopes of appeasing him. if i wasnt so scared of hurting him, i think i would kill for him. i think id cut us off from everyone if i didnt know it would kill them too. he's so important. i want everyone to be able to bear witness to his light, i just cant stand people who want to take it for themselves. they should know their place.

people who aren't from the island though? who just want to take him? they drive me insane. i cant stand them, the audacity they have, to think they're worthy to even be near him. to think he would love them the way he loves me. i value my own life, so i couldn't kill them. but i definitely want to sometimes. at the very least i'd cut them out of his life as swiftly as possible. FF workers, people from the mainland, people from this awful reality who think he'd ever call them his. id cut them out like a tumor. as quickly and as efficiently as possible, without any care for the fallout. the cancer would be gone.

[lunar-writes-things]

21) Rainstorms of Joy

Despite it being almost 3 am, a bright light shone from the iconic hole to the void in the middle of the boatem village. In a carved-out nook from within stood five of the six boatem members and discussed their current problem

their essentially non-existent restraint when it came to the apple of their eyes

"For the record, this is self-destructive," Grian said and watched as Impulse and Mumbo nodded 

"For the record, I'm aware of that!" Pearl dragged her hands down her face

"For the record, I've been picturing their body draped over the sofa wearing nothing but my hat," Scar piped up and covered his face with his hat with a blush spreading from his cheeks to even the back of his neck

"For the record," Impulse started but was cut off by Mumbo who muttered 

"We're screwed." 

The group groaned in union and turned away from each other to breathe and calm down. 

"So what do we do?" Pearl asked and looked towards Impulse 

"I have no idea," He admitted and shook his head "But we gotta say something before one of us bursts." 

"What if they are uncomfortable?" Mumbo spoke up, eyebrows furrowed in worry 

"That's a good point," Grian muttered "We don't want them hating us because we wanted to go faster." 

"I mean," Mumbp started "I wouldn't mind waiting for them... Ive been waiting since season 3." 

"Yeah, You could also wait because you got the first kiss from Y/n." Scar playfully griped at Mumbo as well as the rest of boatem agreed with passionate 'yeahs!' and Mumbo adverted his gaze as a flush spread on pale cheeks  

"That wasn't planned," Mumbo weakly 

"Yeah whatever-” Grian playfully rolled his eyes “Moving on, I think we should just hang back on what we want to do. Right now, this is all about Y/n and how they feel. We don't wanna do anything that will push them away.” 

The group nodded in agreement. They would hate to push Y/n away because of their own wants 

“However,” Impulse spoke up “Relationships are a two-way street. If it's really desperate and they need to hear it then tell them. Right now, communication is key. Especially now since we’re trying something completely new for all of us. We will make mistakes but we have to trust each other and be willing to talk it out and be there.” 

The group gave each other a soft smile and crowded each other into a hug. 

“We’ll get through this.” Scar muttered “and we’ll start by including Y/n in the next conversation.” 

The group soon dispersed and scattered into their homes and bases so they could get some sleep before the sun rose 

As the sun was beginning to set, however, Y/n had gotten a letter from Scar. 

A smile bloomed on their face as they read it 

To the Angel Next door, 

You are cordially invited to a candlelight dinner at these coordinates

[125, 123, 625] at 7:30 pm

Dress is something warm and nice. 

Forever yours, Scar 

Y/n had to hold back a squeal as they read the letter 

Scar was a romantic, which was always obvious, but a handwritten letter asking them to rendezvous made Y/n’s heart race, and had a dopey grin spreading on their face. Y/n set down the letter and moved to pick out something warm to wear before going to take a shower and packing for anything that could happen. 

Two hours later Y/n was flying through the air and made their way through a mountain range when they realized the coordinates listed were close and saw a dim light flickering in a cave. Swerving suddenly, y/n headed toward the light and saw Scar at the entrance looking nervous. 

"Y/n!" His grin was brighter than the flame of the candles behind him as he rushed up to them and lifted them up in a hug as he spun "Welcome!" 

"Scar!" Y/n laughed lightly in his dizzying grip "Thanks for inviting me!" 

"I'm so glad you could come," Scar murmured and gently placed Y/n down his hand trailing down from their ribs to their hips, sending shivers down Y/n's spine 

"So glad I could make it," they said and looked towards the inside of the cave

the cave was not man-made, but Scar did cover up and roll rocks to cover up the part that lead to deeper caves and monsters. Vines and mossy cobblestone lined the walls as grass lined the floors with a paved path leading to the table which stood on stone bricks. Flowers were obviously planted in the grass but it was hidden by the long blades of green. Fairy lights hung from higher jagged stone that was smoother as it went down. The table was wooden but handmade and decorated with wonderful-looking food and candles.

all in all, it looked like Scar did everything himself

oh how it made their heat swell knowing someone would do this for them 

Scar guided Y/n to one of the two empty seats allowing his hand to gently hover over the small of their back and pulled out their chair for them

"Thank you," Y/n smiled up at him as they sat down and he pushed their chair in "So... What's all this for?" 

"I can't spend a nice with the person of my dreams?" He replied smoothly and grabbed their hand to press a gentle kiss to the back of it 

"You charmer," Y/n smiled and Scar pointed out all the food and little munchies that Y/n could eat 

An hour and some conversations later, Y/n and Scar were talking when Y/n playfully threw a grape at him when he said something silly only for it to bounce off his arm and hit the torch behind Y/n. The torch fell from its perch and on the way down lit the vines and grass below it on fire. 

"Oh my gosh!" Y/n exclaimed and stumbled to pull out their water bucket when Scar stood up and rushed toward t 

"No, No, Stay right where you are, I'll put out the fire my love!" Scar said with a panicked look on his face as he grabs a bucket of water and throws it on the fire successfully extinguishing it while making Y/n laugh out of relief "I wanna make you swoon Baby! I want to rock you with my righteous romance!" Y/n is dragged up by scar who dips them down, their laugh echoing through the cave where they were having dinner 

This smooth motherf-

"I wanna make a move darling!" Scar spun Y/n around and into their seat before sitting down himself with a cringe "But I sweating through the seat of my pants!" 

"Are you okay?" Y/n asked leaning forward, their cheeks hurting from smiling so much 

"Yeah," Scar giggled breathlessly "Do you wanna get out of here? I'll come to clean up tomorrow." 

"Okay," Y/n said softly, silently groaning. They didn't want to leave just yet "Hey... Do you remember Season 7? We had a ball to see if we could come to terms when dealing with the resistance and we danced?"

"Yeah? What about it?" Scar asked turning to look at Y/n from the mouth of the cave

"Do you remember what you said?" 

"I do," Scar said 

"Want to remind me?" Y/n asked, a smirk playing on their lips 

"I said 'One day I'm gonna take you dancing'," Scar walked towards them and grabbed them by their hips to pull them closer before he murmured into Y/n's ear 

"And I replied ' Then in my future builds I will try to make a courtyard so we can dance in the rain," Y/n replied smoothly putting their hands on his chest and staring straight into his eyes 

"Well, one day when it rains we will go dancing." Scar promised "Let's head home. It's getting late My beloved." 

"Okay," Y/n sighed and stood at the mouth of the cave with him before spreading out their wings 

Scar did the same, mechanical wings that matched his starter base and all of the wagons attached to it stretched out and began a mechanical whirring as they began to flutter and scar took lift off. 

Y/n took off as well and flew circles around him as he was taking off but once he was off the ground he rushed towards Y/n and they ran away with a shriek and thus began the chase back to boatem village where they discovered tiny droplets of rain began to fall from the heavens. 

how convenient 

"Well look at that..." Y/n trained off as they landed in the courtyard of their cathedral the quartz floor coated in a light sheen of water "I guess that's something I have to fix."

Behind them, Scar landed and looked up with a smile and silently thanked whatever god was out there before looking down at Y/n was beginning to soak through. 

"My Love?" Scar asked and held a hand out to Y/n as they turned around "May I have this dance?" 

The smile that spread across their face made scar's heart melt. It was wonderful and as big and as bright as the moon. He loved it

"I thought you would never ask," Y/n said and stepped toward him, taking his hand in theirs and placing their other hand on his shoulder while Scar placed his extra hand on their waist

He led them in a quiet song, humming with the quiet pitter-patter of the rain behind him. The two were so close to each other that their breaths mingled and Scar had whispered something Y/n couldn't hear. 

"Come again Honeydew?" Y/n asked and they felt Scar's grip on them tighten just slightly 

"Can I kiss you?" He asked softly

His eyes were so unsure and kind and Y/n could feel their heartache at the thought of him not kissing them. The rain fell around them as their gentle swaying stopped and Y/n reached up to gently cup his face and say 

"Of Course Scar. Even if you didn't ask I would love a kiss from any one of you guys." 

Scar lit up and pressed a gentle kiss to Y/n before slowing pulling back, his breathing shaky as if trying to restrain himself but after two seconds he smashed his lips against Y/n's again as he quickly dragged his hand up to cup their face, a longing sigh leaving his lips as he kissed the life out of them. When they finally pulled apart, they were gasping for breath as their foreheads leaned against each other. 

"Holy Shit do that again," Y/n whispered and Scar laughed before indulging Y/n to their hearts desire  

Masterlist

[sensei-venus]

Hi could u write a blurb or hcs of poly hawk and moon with a shy chubby fem reader who struggles w talking to strangers especially ppl in food service bc she's scared they r going to judge her so hawk and moon order for her bc they know she gets anxious?

(Unedited) (Support Links🌺)

Reader chewed at her lip as she read over the menu in her head. Her eyes scanned over the words multiple times as she tried to find something she might like. Everything sounded so good in her head. Reading it over and over again she started to see that there wasn’t much she could confidently say she had before. This place was definitely different than her regular food hangout.

When Moon told her and Hawk that her mom gave her a special gift from a fundraiser she had gone to a few weeks back, she didn’t automatically think it would be a reservation for a table at a fancy restaurant.

Of course she said yes to her girlfriend and luckily their boyfriend Hawk was able to go as well. It was supposed to be a fun night out together.

The girls spent all afternoon getting ready, pampering themselves for the night ahead. It was mostly just them doing skin care together, painting each other’s nails, outfit planning. And of course a whole bunch of laughing and giggling about how much fun they were going to have. Reader had never really been to a five star restaurant before so she was both nervous and excited. Moon had never been on a date, let alone a three-way date, to a fancy restaurant like the one they were going to.

Both girls couldn’t help but giggle at all the fun thoughts about how the night was going to play out.

They made sure to text Hawk all day and tell him about their plans. Both girls made sure to remind him to dress nicely for the date. They both picked out nice dresses for the night so they expected him to dress just as nice in a good suit. Both girls openly drooled at the mental image of their boyfriend picking them up for the night in a nice suit.

They spent the later part of the day and early night getting ready. Doing their hair and make up together. Reader helped Moon zip up the back of her dress and Moon helped pin Reader’s hair just right. Lots of messy lipstick kisses in between. They both had to reply lipstick and lip gloss multiple times before Hawk showed up to take them. As soon as he showed up to take them, they couldn’t stop kissing until they got to the restaurant.

Now they were sitting at a nice table on a grand-looking patio.

Fairy lights and fancy potted plants and flowers over looking a fancy pond. Reader and Hawk where in awe at the size of the fountain in the middle of said pond, it shot water into the air with a brute white light in the middle. It was so luxurious. It was a beautiful landscape, to say the least.

The place wasn’t overly packed but then again everyone there had made reservations for the night.

Reservations only.

They had been seated pretty quick and served their drinks within minutes of sitting down. The service was amazing, everyone there was so nice.

“Do you know what you want princess?” Hawk said as he put his own menu down on the table and looked over at Reader. His eyes almost glistened on the soft white light of the lateens that lined the patio. Moon also smiled over at her, cupping her hands before reaching out for both Reader’s and Hawk’s.

Reader sat the nice menu down before taking their hands with her own small smile. They couldn’t help but smile as she gripped their hands, giving a small reassuring squeeze to them both.

“Well I kinda want to try the pesto pasta? Iv never had it before. It sounds interesting enough to give it a try.” She gave a small shrug.

Moon perked up and with a small gasp said “Oh yeah that’s one of my favorites! All their ingredients are organic- I’m going to try something new but that’s one of my favorites from here. Trust me it’s going to be good.” She giggled as she played with Hawk’s fingers. Hawk in turn rolled his eyes.

He gently lifted Reader's hand and kissed it quickly before setting it down.

“Yeah I have no idea what that is, I think I’m just going to try out their fancy-sounding chicken parm, my mom makes it a lot and I like it. I don’t see the harm in trying it out while I’m here.” Moon grinned “Very adventures babe, very out of your depth.” All of them have a short laugh at her sarcastic comment.

They where already having so much fun, and it was so romantic. Just the three of the enjoying themselves and the night. It felt so “adult-like” and fun. Reader felt all bubble just from all of this. She wondered if her partners felt the same way at that very moment.

The fun was short lived as the waitress came back over to their table. The sound of her short black heals clicking over the hard patio tile sounded behind her as she approached. Reader felt her stomach drop a little. The idea of telling her order to a stranger started to scare her. A bit of social anxiety sparking up. She thought that maybe tonight things could be different and she could get passed her fear of strangers.

Clearly not by the way her mouth went dry and she swears her tongue goes numb.

“Hi guys, if your ready I can take your orders and get them back to the chef.” Her voice was sugary sweet. Her eyes were round and big and she radiated a bubbling personality that made Reader’s gut feel heavy and her heart drop.

Moon happily gave her order, having no issue as she had been here before. She knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. She smiled at the older women as Hawk went next. He was more serious and fluid with his order. He stated what he wanted simply and quickly.

“And what can I get for you dear?”

Reader felt like she was in a void at that point and she couldn’t help but ball her fist up in the bottom of her dress. Her eyes darted from the closed menu to the women and back. Her face felt to hot and her head started to feel fuzzy. Maybe even her heartbeat started to speed up.

“I can come back and give you a minute to think-“

“No! It uhhhh-“

“She would like the pesto pasta, and for the side she would like the soup hold the —— she doesn’t like them. That will be it.” Hawk said in a serious but still light tone.

“Oh and can you put extra —— in the soup, it’s her favorite.” Moon smiled at the women as she wrote down the new order. She smiled at the three teens before giving a small nod and rushing off to get the order filled by the chefs inside the restaurant.

“You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“But we wanted to!”

“Yeah, we got you Princess don’t worry. We will make sure you always get what you want, with no exceptions.” Hawk leaned over and have her a soft kiss on the lips.

It was soft and sweet. They slowly separated, Hawk, leaning back over to his other side to give a similar kiss to Moon who smiled into it.

Once they parted, Moon, almost as if she was in a haze with half-lidded eyes leaned over the table towards Reader. They met half way and kissed over the table. They both smiled and giggled at the end as they slowly separated from each other. Hawk grinned the whole time as he watched them part.

All three of the softly holding hands and shearing kisses all night between eating and talking.



[cyberrgirlsblog]

candle ligth part 3

sorry for the LONG ASS wait like fr, idk how many ppl read this but yea . the hole thing ive written is dead ass like 29,000 words or some shit like that, i got carried away.

Part 3

(TW) cussing, mentions how a dead body looks

Not beta read!!!!!!!

1929, 3 weeks before the planned assassination. And 7 weeks since (y/n) and duke last saw eachother

“What the fuck” I said looking down at the front steps of my house, my hand covering my mouth in shock and horror. I look down to find the body of a dead boy in front of my door.

“First day living in small heith and this is the shit that happens I mean like the fuck. I don't know who sent that and who that person was but that's fucked up man.” I said my voice breaking while paseing around my room, my hands shaking. Ash was sitting on my bed listening to me tentatively. Fez would've been here if it wasn't for him going to visit his girlfriend Lexi in the USA for the week. Even though I was talking about this like it was an everyday occurrence it still shook me to my core. It was unnerving.

“You think it's got something with us working more closely with the peaky,” Ash said, looking at me. I called him as soon as it happened along with Tommy but his maid picked up saying he was out but she would let him know when he came back. I looked at Ash and nodded.

“Maybe, I mean it's the most probable option. But we still got a body to deal with. I mean if we call the cops what the hell do we do about this shit." I said while I paced around my room. As the old boards creaked under my feet.

“If we call the fucking cops Fez will kill us Don't be a dumb ass. Look, we take the body and put it in an incinerator. Pay the workers to keep their mouths shut and we'll see what happens.” Ash said before lighting a cigarette. He offered me one but I declined.

“Yea but should we figure out who the dude is? I mean I'm already in enough shit with fez. Dude barely even lets me leave the house without someone he knows coming with me.” I said sitting down next to Ash, letting my head fall back into the wall, and sighing. 

—-----------3rd person pov

Since you went to the carnival fez has been more on edge about trusting you. Thinking back on it you should have asked Ada to be an alibi for you if Fez ever called her about your where abouts. She told him she was at her house and didn't even know about a carnival happening. Fez was pissed when he found out that you had lied to him. But you also hated how there was a double standard when it came to you and Ash. He could go out for hours and not even come home for days and Fez is rarely ever worried but if you leave and don't come home before night time all of a sudden you have Fez and his friends looking for you. You hated how he acted but a small part of you understood why.

—-----

When you were 11 you and Ash went to the bank to withdraw the money your grandma had not yet withdrawn. You and Ash got separated, Ash came home crying telling Fez how someone had grabbed you and taken you away. The man was someone who worked with Mouse and your older brother hadn't paid the fair amount that he was supposed to for some of the product that was bought from Mouse.

Mouse took you and locked you up in a room in some house that looked like it was a personal haven for rats to stay in. It wasn't till a couple of hours later that a bag was put over your head and you were retired back to Fez, Ash, and your grandma.

Ever since then, Fez has been paranoid about you, and it would be a lie to say those events haven't affected you in any way. 

That is one of the reasons you asked Ash to teach you how to fight and started to carry a gun at all times.

—--- 

(y/n) looks over at ash ‘’ you think that it could be-’’

“No, if it is im gonna kill him the second I see him or his friend and anyways we stopped doing business with him for almost a year,” Ash said while looking at the wall in front of him. 

“Ash, this is something he would do. It's fucked up but it's true you and I both know that,’’ she said looking over at Ash. 

His eyebrows creased and he clenched his fits. Memories going back to the day he saw you, his sister snatched up by some guy and he couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. He knew he wouldn't let anything like that happen again to you.

“Ash you know it's not gonna happen again right? I won't let it happen, you won't let it happen, shit fez will make sure it doesn't happen,” she said turning her head to face the door of the room.

“And anyways it could just have something to do with Tommy or some shit. And maybe I'm just being delusional by saying that other shit. But hey I got this if it ever comes down to it” (y/n) said before lifting her coat jacket revealing the holster that held her gun.

Ash looked down at her gun before looking up and slowly nodding his head. They had an understanding of each other that only siblings could have. Suddenly there was a knock on the door downstairs.

Ash and (Y/n)  look at each other before getting up from the bed and going downstairs.

(y/n) heart started beating faster than normal, her hands felt clammy and she could feel a cold sweat. Ash was the same, once they got downstairs they got to the door. Ash reach for his gun while (y/n) opened the door.

The knocking happened again this time harder and louder. (Y/n) and Ash held their breath before (y/n) slowly twisted the doorknob

“Fuck Pol you scared the shit out of us,” she said before letting out a breath of relief and opening the door just enough for her to get in. 

“I got a call about what happened from Tommy's maid,” she said while looking at us her eyes glazing around.

—------------------1st person

“Weres your brother,” she said, I and Ash looked at each other. We were looking into each other's eyes for a quick second before answering.

“He's in the U.S.’’ I said looking at Pol. 

“Anyway come we put the body in the kitchen. It's i really brutal sight.” I said before I and Ash started walking towards the kitchen with Pol right behind us. Once we got there I heard Pol breathe in a quick breath. 

The man's body was anything but pretty half of his face was disfigured and his arm was bent in an unnatural position. His clothes were ragged and slightly burnt. Blood had dried on his head from where his head wound was.

“I-i think I may know who that is,” Pol said before taking a shaky step back. 

“Pol who is it, we need to know please,” I said looking at her while scratching the skin on my arm almost to the point of drawing blood until ash stopped me from going any further.

“He was a boy who worked for the peaky blinders about the same age as Finn. We need to call the family. Do you guys have a phone.’’ she asked while looking back at the boy's body. I pointed at the phone on the table stand and she went to make a call.

—------------------- 3 hrs later, 2nd person

I sat on the couch in the living room staring at the radio as it played static. Pure static is all I could listen to, it helped clear my mind and fuzz it out better than the other channels did. All you could think about was the boy who was just at the kitchen table. His name was Jimmy walsh he was 16 years old and his family had moved from Ireland to the Uk. he was working with the Peakys to help his family earn money. His body wasn't supposed to be at your doorstep, it was supposed to be at the betting shop's doorstep.

I wondered if he had any friends and if he wanted to go to school once his family had made enough money. If he had a lover, if he had any siblings, and how many he had. When thinking about him though you couldn't help but have your mind go to Duke. it had been a while since you had seen him.

Was he alive, was he well? Did he still work at the fairground or did he get a new job? As these questions plagued your mind. My leg started to shake and the tapping from my foot started to get louder and louder. 

A hand was laid on my shoulder causing me to jump my heart stopping for a second before looking at the person who had done that. When I looked I expected to see ash but instead, I saw Polly.

“Jesus Pol you scared me,” you said while covering your face with your hands. 

“I'm sorry (Y/n) wasn't my intention but I just want to check on you. I tried to find your brother but I think he went to the pub.” she while removing my hand from my face and wiping away the tears from my face which I had failed to notice.

I looked at her in the eyes while trying to form words but all that came out were sobs painful sobs of everything that had built up in for the past years. Pol lay my head on her shoulder and hugged me with one hand on my head and the other on my upper back.

“N-no I not” I let out in shaky breaths that were uneven and tears streaming down my face.

“Ssh try to catch your breath.” pol said while rubbing my back.

“He was j-just a kid. A bit older than me a-and ash. He had a family that loved him and he's gone. It's all so fucked up Pol.” I said while burying my face in her shoulder even more.

“It is, it is, he was an innocent boy who was killed. You shouldn't have seen that and he shouldn't have died.” Polly said while running her hand up and down my hair.

We just sat there for what felt like forever. I wanted to ask who she thought had done it. I wanted to ask if I could do anything to help but in the end, I knew it would all be futile. From what Fez told me, peaky business was peaky business and not to ask questions. Don't get our family deeper than we already are. 

After a while, Polly withdrew from the hug. She looked me in the eyes and wiped the remaining tears from my face and gave me a smile I could only imagine a mother could give her daughter.

“How about this? You stay at my house for tonight and your brother can as well. I dont want you or your brother to stay here alone for now,” she said

“Pol it's fine we can handle ourselves. You already have a lot on your plate. I don't want to burden you anymore,” I said with an unsure voice. 

“Nonsense your welcome at my home anytime you like.” she said looking in my eyes before heading toward the front door.

“Well come on we're going to find your brother,” she said again, she opened the door and stepped outside, holding the door for me while I followed.

“He is probably at the garrison getting shit-faced or something,” i said walking next her while looking around slightly chuckling.

“Well we will see, how about this tomorrow you and me and maybe ash will go out for the day.” she says trying to lighten the mood, i look at her a laugh slightly.

“Sure why not but are you sure I mean me and ash were sorting things out at the house since we just got it we don't really have money to by-,” I say but am quickly cut off by pol

“Nonsense I will pay for anything you or your brother need okay,” she says while looking at me kindly. We walk through the street towards the garrison. It is musty and complex to breathe but it is what I have become slightly used to when it comes to Birmingham. The buildings are coated by years of smoke and children play in coal piles. If you look close enough you might mistake the falling ash for snow on Christmas day.

As (Y/n) and Polly continued walking towards the garrison, they passed by familiar faces in the neighborhood. Some nodded in acknowledgment while others gave them suspicious glances.it seemed Living in Small Heath, one could never be too sure who was a friend and who was an enemy. They finally reached the garrison, a place where many of the Shelby family members and their associates gathered. Inside, the atmosphere was thick with smoke and the smell of whiskey.

 Polly's eyes scanned the room, searching for Ash, but he wasn't among the crowd. “Guess he's not here,” (Y/n) said, feeling slightly disappointed. Polly nodded, “Well, let's give him some more time. In the meantime, why don't we sit down and have a drink?” 

she suggested, gesturing towards an empty table in the corner. They sat down, and Polly signaled for a drink. The bartender quickly poured them a couple of glasses of whiskey. (Y/n) took a sip, feeling the warmth of the liquid spread through her body. It was a welcome distraction from the chaos of the day. As they chatted and waited for Tommy, (Y/n) couldn't help but admire Polly's strength. Despite the loss of her own children and all the hardships she'd faced, Polly remained resilient and fiercely protective of those she cared about.

 Soon, Tommy arrived at the garrison, looking troubled. His eyes met (Y/n)'s, and he gave her a small smile, a rare thing to see from him unless you were his childre, family or lover. He then turned to Polly and greeted her with a hug. “I heard about what happened at your place,” Tommy said in a low voice. Polly nodded, “Yes, it's a terrible situation. We're going to need to be cautious and keep an eye on things. (Y/n) and Ash needs protection.” “I'll make sure they have it,” Tommy replied, his expression stern.

“It's fine we can protect ourselves besides I think it was targeted at you guys more than it was at me, Ash or Fez,” i say while looking down slightly to scared to look them in the eyes as i could feel the gazes on me

 “But we need to find out who did this and why. This was clearly about sending a message that and we won't be pushed around.” As they discussed their next steps, (Y/n) felt a mix of fear and determination. She knew she had to protect herself and her brother, but she also wanted justice for Jimmy's death. She couldn't bear the thought of another innocent life being lost because of the dangerous world they were caught up in. 

Later Ash walked into the garrison looking around (y/n) caught her brother's eyes and waved him over to where she, Pol and Tommy were sitting, she ordered some drinks for everyone and continued to listen to Pol and Tommy talk. 

The night wore on, and they continued to strategize, knowing that they had to be cautious in their every move. By the time they left the garrison, it was already late, and the streets of Small Heath were dimly lit. “Come with me,” Polly said to (Y/n) and Ash as they walked towards her house. “You'll stay with me for the night, and we'll figure out a plan together.”

 (Y/n) nodded, feeling grateful for the support she was receiving from Polly and Tommy. Even though they were just business associates; they were treating her and Ash with more kindes than she thought they were owed but she felt happy at the same time, she was happy to have her brother with her as well and in the dangerous world they lived in, family meant everything. As they reached Polly's house, (Y/n) felt a mix of emotions. The events of the day had been overwhelming, and in her mind, the weight of the world seemed to rest on her shoulders. 

By the time they got to pols house (y/n) felt exhausted and was slightly using ash as a walking support. Pol lead them up to the room they would sleep in it was spacious, there were two twin-sized beds with a desk put in between the 2 beds. A window looking outside that let the moonlight shine through and 2 closets on either sides of the beds

1st person 

“Well I hope this is alright with you 2 i'll see you in the morning,” she said before leaving the room and closing the door. Me and ash having taken off our shoes once we originally got in the house walked to the different closets silently and got in them to change our clothes for the night, we brush our teeth and did whatever either of us usually did for our night routine 

A moment passed by with neither of them saying anything until Ash decided to speak.

“You think this is a sign,” Ash said looking up at the ceiling, I looked over at him 

“What do you mean,” I ask confused, Ash turns his head to look at me

“Maybe we should've stayed in the US and never left, maybe things would be better.” Ash said before looking back up at the ceiling.

“I don't think anywhere would be better for us ash, I mean the shit our family is involved with, no matter how far we run I don't think we'll ever be able to run away from what's coming,” I said while looking at Ash. he looked over at me with a gaze I knew all to well a gaze I had given him many times before when I felt helpless or confused. 

“Whatever it is i'll make sure it doesn't hurt you Fez or grandma, ok ash, family above everything,” I said smiling at him.

“Oh also (y/n) when you went to that carnival who were you really with.” Ash said, his eyes filled with curiosity and mischive. 

“Uhh… don't snitch to fez but it was a guy named Duke he worked at the circus but I haven't talked to him or seen him for a while and I have no way of contacting him, he was a cool dude thought i'd like to get to know him more,” I said, I could feel myself start to feel slightly happy at the thought of seeing him again 

“Yeah, I bet you would like to get to know him better hmm,” Ash said jokingly, I shook my head with disgust

“Ew Ash what the fuck I barely know him, don't say shit like that.” I said covering my face in emmbarsesment and rolling over in my bed. I could hear Ash laugh, so I took one of the pillows and threw it at him, I could hear a tiny ow before he shut up. 

“Night ash,” I said to him before closing my eyes. “Night,” he said back to me 

As I closed my eyes my mind drifted back to Duke. I wondered where he was, he hadn't ever left my mind ever since the day I first met him, there seemed to be a lot about him. I wanted to know he was very quiet about his life. Which could only make me wonder about him. I missed him oddly enough, I missed him like I missed Rue or Maddie. They were like family to me, I only hoped they were ok. 

Same night Dukes pov

 Duke let out a sneeze as he sat in the dimly lit circus tent filled with the scent of sawdust and anticipation as the performers prepared for their acts. Among them, Duke Shelby couldn't help but feel a weird peculiar tingling in his chest, and it wasn't because of the show. It had been quite some time since he last saw (y/n), the girl he had met outside the circus grounds months ago.  As he brushed down the sleek black coat of a circus horse, Duke's thoughts kept wandering back to that fateful encounter.

 He remembered how he had stumbled upon (y/n) while she was walking to small heath. She asked if he could help her get there on his horse-drawn carriage to her intended destination, with the promise of payment. he was curios by her demeanor, how she would space out, how she would ramble without thought but stop before she revealed too much, she interested him even in his usually reserved demeanor. 

He had invited her to come to the circus while it was in town, hoping to talk to her more. It was an impulsive decision, driven by a desire to know her better and, perhaps, to impress her.  But things didn't go as he had hoped. (y/n) seemed to enjoy the circus initially, her eyes shining with wonder at the daring acrobatics and mesmerizing performances. Yet, after a little while, she excused herself and left, offering only vague reasons for her sudden departure.

  He went about his duties that night, trying to focus on the work he had to do. Yet, behind the straight seemingly bored face, his mind kept wandering back to (y/n). He wondered where she was, what she was doing, and if she ever thought about him.

  Duke thought it was dumb of him to think of someone he barely knew, someone who probably didn't remember him. Perhaps she already had forgotten about him, just like he should forget about her. Duke felt a sense of longing mixed with apprehension and anger. He couldn't shake off the thought that he wanted to see (y/n) again, to talk to her, to understand more about her, if anything. But for now, he could only hope that fate would bring them together again and that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts he had would not remain unknown forever.

The horse neighed slightly as he brushed its black coat of hair. He had always liked horses so he had no problem taking care of one for the fairground. He hadn't seen Esme in a while and still thought back to her reaction at your name almost like she new who you were or knew of you.

“Duke how's the horse coming along?” yelled Dukes boss, he turned away from the horse to spare a glance at his boss

“She's almost done.” Duke mumbled out before looking back at the horse and continued to brush her. He felt a tap on the shoulder and turned around as his boss placed his payment for the week in his hand,  2 pounds.

“Next fair will be by small heath in a week after this one, you'll get your full payment tomorrow.” said the boss before turning around and leaving the makeshift stable/tent. 

“Mhm, good to know.” Duke said lazily while he continued to brush the horse, by this point he hoped his boss was leaving. The whole reason he chose to take care of the horses was because he got to be away from people. They pissed him off. He likes horses better than most people anyways.

He felt intrigued by the idea of returning to small heath, mainly because it might give him the opportunity to see you again and have more conversations with you. The memory of your address crossed his mind, making him contemplate the possibility of visiting to check if you were around. Despite acknowledging that it might come across as creepy, he couldn't help but entertain the thought.

He finished brushing the horse and put everything away, he started walking to his caravan as he did he heard the sound of cars leaving and people talking. It was loud and annoying, underwhelming almost, soon he heard footsteps behind 

“Did you hear about that boy found dead” said a boy behind duke seemingly talking to his friends, duke started walking slower to hear the conversation going on behind him

“Oh yea it was dead kid found on somebody's doorstep right?’’ said the other boy

“Yea and apparently the peaky's got something to do with it, I heard polly gray went to the house he found there were two people there, a boy and a girl maybe 14 or 15. I think they work for the peakys or maybe they killed the boy.” said the other boy, by the time they started talking more about what had happened they had walked past Duke.

He watched them as they walked past him the last thing he could hear was that apparently the body was found in small heath birmingham. He shrugged and continued to walk to his caravan.

He got in and laid on his bedspread. He stared at the ceiling unmoving, he stared at the cracks in the wood and listened to the wind blow through the tents and nearby trees. He wondered if he would ever have more to life than being a fairground worker.

He wanted to travel the mountains, all of them, here in Britain and maybe the rest of the world. As he closed his eyes his mind went to you and wondered how you were doing. Soon he let the embrace of sleep take him to a quiet darkness as the candle light danced on the walls.

[devilherself666]

Chapter 6! (TODOBAKUDEKU X READER MAIFA AU!)

“I am only trusting you right now for my brother's life, fuck me over I’ll kill you.” I huffed and he swallowed. “I didn’t plan on it, love.” He sighed as we continued to walk, my heart sped up to unreal speeds when he called me that. He stopped at a small house. “In there.” He whispered and I nodded as we snuck in the back. “I’ll go in first and if anything goes wrong. I call you in. Deal?” I whispered and he nodded. I broke up the door and ran in, as I saw the one with wings. He was more of a threat than the other one. I cut his wings as he groaned in pain. The white hair boy came down the stairs covered in blood. My anger was rising. “GIVE HIM BACK!” I yelled. He laughed at me. “No, I will keep him until our wedding.” He huffed before walking down the stairs. “Not fair, everyone else gets a taste of you, but not me.” He sighed and I gaged in disgust. “Oh please, they don’t get anything by death. What you are about to get. If you don’t let my brother go.” I huffed and he growled. “I offer marriage and I get death threats? I think I love you more.” He sighed and I kicked him in the nuts and banged his nose to my knee cap breaking his nose. “Shoto! Keep them busy!” I yelled and he came in, he tied them up with chains he found in a box, as I ran upstairs and found my brother in rough shape. How did they even manage to get him to summit like this? Did they threaten my life? I sighed as I untied him and picked him. “God you are heavy.” I grunted as I walked down the stairs, there Shoto took him from me. “Let's take him back to mine, I can help him.” He said and I looked at him. “No way, Deku will kill him.” I said protesting. He looked at me. “No he won’t not like this, if anything he’ll kill who did it, only he is allowed to hurt your brother, no one else.” He spoke and I looked at him. “Yes, that makes me feel safer. One of the strongest men in the world, wants to be the only one to hurt my brother. Sounds great.” I said waving my hands and he shook his head. “Meaning Deku respects your brother for his work.” He sighed and I looked at him. “Does he respect him?” I asked and he nodded as we walked to his house. I gave him props because my brother isn’t light and it is away from a walk. I looked at him once more. 

We finally got to his place, and he walked in, as he walked to the infamy and laid my brother down on the bed. He called a nurse in. “You have your own hospital?” I asked and he nodded. “We get hurt too much not to, and if we go to a real one, we will be arrested.” He shrugged. The nurse looked at my brother and gasped. “What in the world happened to this poor man!” She covered her mouth as she grabbed a towel and began to wipe off the blood. He didn’t look like my brother anymore; he looked like a body. My heart dropped as she finally cleaned him off, he was still alive thankfully. She then covered his wounds with bandages and gave him an IV. “Ma’am he had a good beating, it might be a while before he wakes up.” She spoke and I sighed. I looked at Shoto. “This is your idea of how our two mouths bet to start?” I asked. He chuckled. “No, no it's not.” He sighed. I looked at my brother and sat in the chair beside and grabbed his hand. “Be okay bubby.” I sighed and I laid my head down on his hand. Why did they go this far just to marry me? Something isn’t adding up. I thought to myself.

<<< >>>

Master-list

[praxieserver]

Show us your south park oc!!

why yes i will thank you very much!!!

meet Avy Alvarez! half filo, half american, and originally my extremely self insert-y oc ive decided to shake up and fuck around with!! they're nonbinary, bi, and they use any pronouns

the guys think she's a guy and just assume she's some kinda femboy and the girls assume he's a girl and thats causes chaos when they think he's getting frisky with their exes when she casually interacts with them like a normal person

since i did say she used to be really self insert-y she is like. a fandom bitch that draws and writes gay shit. yaoi even. and i decided to keep it bc the concept of a serial killer/killer just being a socially awkward fandom kid drawing anime fanart is very funny to me.

that being said, she's socially awkward, but easy-going and goofy as hell. has hot takes that regularly causes discord in the girl's list making committee meetings. she said what she said except when wendy threatens to remove her

does not actually have like a really fucked up backstory to being a serial killer. like she does have some mental health issues but they weren't raised in a family of assasins or something. in fact she was barely raised at all her parents are kind of absent simply because i cannot fathom what they're dynamic could be and kind of always characterized them to be kind of lonely.

she's got a butler/babysitter/housekeeper to keep her in check and handle her meals but they eventually leave when avy gets older. her parents set up a bank account for her where they just send money for her needs and she can deposit/ withdraw whenever she needs. her parents work overseas ig and they're kind loaded so they just send her money when they ask but are also strict with her grades and just in general so like. not very good, and generally very emotionally absent parents.

as for why they are a serial killer? i always imagined that she isnt in like some dark web shit, crap just went down once and then some guy called her for a job and she just decides that like. ight fuck it ig and gets the job done. then that guy knows another who needs someone dead and is like "oh i know a guy" and then it escalates enough that people are passing aroun her job number and calling if they want.

also as the comic says nowadays she just kills people who highkey deserve it and she doesn't really charge as much as other hired killers probably do so alot of people who are like victims of stuff or are like getting blackmailed or smth try their luck and call her for revenge. sometimes she also just accepts jobs from crime guys doing stuff against crime guys. generally chaotic neutral serial killer ig

and since bodies aren't particularly light, she's pretty strong and kinda crafty. just horribly socially awkward and has a few self-esteem issues. there's a voice modulator with the mask and that blonde strand of hair is there bc they think it'll help throw off the cops. whether or not that would actually work i do not know.

also she def has like a one sided rivalry with mysterion bc like. yk serial killer on the loose but also said serial killer does knows mysterion is kenny and doesn't really have anything against them as mysterion or kenny, but man is he a bother when he's trying to stop them from killing ppl and fighting to incapacitate and not kill is kind of difficult when you were killing/planning to kill someone. this also leads to like an arc abt her becoming enemies with freedom pals then frenemies then straight up like an honorary member/local guy they know who kills people and sometimes ask to kill people for them

besties with kyle. he thinks they're weird and they think he's a silly little guy. also pictured above, at one point he finds out abt her being a serial killer and after a whole arc about him coming to terms and choosing to trust that avy does not wish any harm on him and does not wish to manipulate or stalk him and generally has no ulterior motives towards him or his friends and family he just. tags a long in jobs sometimes. mostly to vent or he just wants to hang out with someone. he only tags along like, comes with him when they're going to the place where the deed will be done. he doesnt assist in the murders in anyway, he doesn't really like how gruesome they can be soemtimes and just looks waya while it's happening. he would just walk home once they actually have to start murdering but things can go awry reall quick sometimes so avy doesn't let him out of their sight until he's home. kind protective of kyle but in this case its pretty much warranted.

and that's all the silly goofy stuff about my south park oc. feel free to ask about them bc i have lot of fun playing around with them!!

[bye-bye-firefly]

I’m really glad that ao3 doesn’t have an actual pro-ai policy at the moment! I’m planning on doing some research on what Unseeliekey brought up just to at least understand what he’s talking about. I was honestly really confused and freaked out reading what he was saying. But yeah, I’m sad too. You’ve got the right to remain right here with me and it’s a little more fun when I’m with you are two of the fics that made me not only get pretty into Saiou but also made me more attached to DR and into reading fanfiction in general. And it’s just like really upsetting to see something that had that much of an effect on me be gone and know that not everyone who is in the fandom or will get into the fandom will be able to see that.

I also really hope that there’s some sort of way to glaze works too. Making stuff inaccessible to guests is always sad. When I first started reading fanfiction I was a guest and like a lot of people don’t use accounts for various reasons and it’s just sad to think about account locked stuff. And it would be so nice if the ais would just Not. Like why can’t they???? Why???

Anyway, right now I don’t think there’s any full proof, everyone will be able to be happy way to prevent the ai scraping but I’m sure you’ll figure something out that’ll be alright for at least what can be done at the moment. Your works are very cool. I really, really love them. They bring me lots of joy. Thank you for all the joy. It’s super awesome.

okay this is a REALLY long answer because i went on a whole rant so im going to cut this for people who are just scrolling normally. but also im totally going to put this into my pinned tag

a lot of what was said was like. Half true. my counterpoint to him saying that ao3 supports cp or rape or sexual assault is that no matter where you go on the internet, you will find shit like that. EVERYWHERE. ao3 doesnt support it i really seriously doubt that anyone outside of those spaces supports shit like that but ao3 is an ARCHIVE. and when you put things in the archive, you are allowed to submit whatever the fuck you want. setting rules on what could be put into the archive automatically means that other fics, which explore the topic in a critical, non-fetishistic way, are ALSO up to scrutiny. fics that explore the psyche of trauma victims? they might not be allowed. regular degular fetish content, no minors involved? completely up to scrutiny. im really not a fan of censorship OR some of the shit on the internet, but i can only control ONE THING and thats what i allow myself to see. i really dont like people saying that ao3 deserves to be taken down because of that because then that would mean twitter deserves to go down, social media as a whole deserves to go down, and just generally i dont trust people who push the "think of the CHILDREN" argument. you see republicans push that when theyre trying to ban trans or gay people out of existence so INSTANTLY alarm bells start going off in my head, not to imply that i think every single person who pushes that argument in this context is republican or right-wing. just bothers me and looks like a red flag

and to instantly get it out of the way im not involved in the fucking proship/anti discourse that whole distinction feels like destruction of critical thinking antis are often puritanicals and would kill me if they saw what i write in nameless and gasp at published books that delve into topics they think are off limits and many of the proshippers ive come across are weirdos who think that its totally normal to write romance between minors and adults in a positive light like its NORMAL and that we shouldnt think less of people who do that but fyi i am totally thinking less of people who do that and im totally thinking less of people who hate me for writing my unhealthy/toxic/abusive/codependent relationships that dont even fetishise those kinds of relationships like GET OVER IT!!!! BE NORMAL!!! GO OUTSIDE LICK A DOORKNOB KISS A GIRL DO SOMETHING!!!!!

if there is ever any advice i can give to people its to form your own opinions and dont try to put a strict solid label on your opinion because sometimes you will betray your label and youll think to yourself "am i even really that thing......." people are complex and hold many different opinions that sometimes contradict one another and thats fine. logic your shit out dont fall for charming little labels that pin you strictly on one side of an argument it makes you less likely to actually reach a point where you have a strong opinion that makes sense AND can compromise and thus bring someone more onto your side. forever

ANYWAY YEAH! i settled on making it so my osomatsu san fics go account only on the 20th and then also some of my older danganronpa single chapters go account only with them, but the multichapters im currently working on will go account only when theyre finished, with exceptions for when theres rumours going around of a scrape. makes me so oo oodofooafgofjgj mad GRRAAGGHGHGGHG

but thank you i am glad to bring joy to people's lives. readers and comments bring me a ton of joy and im glad that i can give that back to everyone ^_^ i seriously cannot thank readers and commenters enough like i never feel like i get it across well enough how grateful i am for everyone who reads my stories and gives me kudos and the people who comment like. it brings me so much joy that i cannot properly verbalise EVER

[ventilation4thesoul]

The past few days have been rocky but overall really good! today was pretty fantastic up until about 2 hours ago. After his drive home, po texted me and just said they got home, and goodnight. no i love you, or sweet dreams or anything like we usually say. it feels like i upset her somehow, but the only thing i can think of is its something that po thought about on the drive home. Whatever it is, speculating wont help me, itll just make it worse for me. I know po loves me, he told me extensivley today, and i trust her. Po is upset, but i will not know anything until they tell me. it is not my duty or responsibility to find out why theyre upset, and if it is even with me. I can not act, apologize, or react until they tell me what they are feeling, or if they have an issue. i expect to hear about it sometime tomorrow, and that is ok. its weird, because even tho im hesitant, i actually believe that all. Im nervous, i feel like a little kid afraid of doing something wrong no one will tell them they did, its triggering a bit of my fear of abandoment. BUT i *know* that this is not po leaving me. this does not take away the love po has for me. this does not take away my worth. this is not my responsibility until po asks it to be. Im using the few strategies ive learned so far and wow suprise they actually help XD things are getting better for me, and for po and i. despite nights like this, we are growing. things will not be perfect, they might never be. but we're both working really hard and its showing. we've had such crazy progress lately that something was bound to come up, but its ok. because we will handle it together. I believe that.

on a diffrent note, i have a SUPER busy week!! im honestly excited about it, although i fear how ill feel come sunday. Tuesday i have a training in the morning, then work, then hang out with kage. Wednesday i have therapy in the morning, work, and a work party after. Thursday i have integral care appointment, work, and then therapy with po. friday i have training in the morning, work, and then potentially FUR. Saturday im going to the renfaire! so YOOF- good stuff but god damn im gonna be dead on sunday XD and thats when hours and lesson plans are due!!!! everyone i know is hving a hard time right now, so im gonna try to keep my head up, my spirit high, and remind myself that if i start feeling bad, its not gonna last forever. i will feel better soon, it hurts now but it will stop hurting in a day or so. its 12:12. i think im gonna end it here. hopefully tomorrow is full of light.

[television-pil0t]

When he finally leaves so I can have a severe breakdown that’s been building up.

God I feel awful. I hope he’s ok. I can’t keep helping him we have the same problem man. My parents suck to. My bf doesn’t understand either! IM SCARED TO OPEN UP TO MY BF TO! ITS BECOMING TO MUCH FOR ME TO! I’m sorry. I can’t help you when I have no idea how to help myself. I get mad because my bf talks to other people to. I get so jealous I push myself to. I hurt myself because he doesn’t need me to. I don’t know how to get you to stay. I want you to stay. I want you to keep talking to me because your pain makes me feel less alone. We both wanna kill ourself so bad man. I don’t have a plan like you. I don’t know what’s next. I CANT MAKE BY MYSELD EITHER FUCK IM SORRY EVERY TIME YOU VENT TO ME I JUST TELL YOU “talk to your friends! TALK TO YOUR BF! BUT SHIT I CANT DO THAT! You tell me “I’m gonna fucking do it I can’t take it anymore” but I’d I said that to my bf HE WOULDNT GIVE A SHIT! HES FUCKING DONE! HE FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SORRY I CANT HELP YOU IM IN WORSE! I’m in fucking deeper. You got to your month anniversary with your bf AND IVE BEEN IN MY RELATIONSHIP FOR 3 YEARS! Three fucking years! It’s hard for me to man! Idk how to keep going either! Idk how I’m gonna be a adult! Idk how to tell my friends that I’m suicidal either man I DONT FUCKING KNOW! I have no idea what I’m gonna do in a year! OR A MONTH! OR A DAY FROM NOW! All I do is the same thing you do. I feel like I’m not good at anything to! I feel useless too! I FEEL SO FUCKING UNLOVED TO MAN AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE EITHER! I’m sorry I can’t help you as much as other people can but god at least you HAVE other people. I hope you take my advice. I hope YOUR bf helps you. I hope your ok. I hope you didn’t SH to bad again. I hope you don’t do it Saturday. I know my bf would be so fucking sad and I can’t deal with that. I can’t deal with the secrets and the lies and the insecurity either man! I CANT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN! I’m scared to. I’m so so so fucking scared and now I have nobody to talk about it to. I hope someone can help you. I looked out the window of my apartment and all I can think of is getting a gun and just getting it over with. He makes account after account to just hide from me because he dosnt fucking trust me. He keeps so fucking much from me it’s agonizing. I’m tired of crying to man! IM TIRED OF ALL OF IT TO! I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO! GOD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I hate screaming while crying it gives me a headache. I hate limping when I walk after punching myself. I hate the way he didn’t tell me he loved me back for 2 days I hate the way he treated me for a year I hate the way I grew up. I hate myself. I hate being a failure. I hate being as jealous as I am. I HATE THAT HE DOSNT POST ABOUT ME! I hate the fact that he’s talked shit about me to all his family and don’t even wanna tell THAT mf that we’re dating because “I just don’t wanna hear his lecture” WELL WHOS FAULT WAS IT THAT HE SEES ME IN SUCH A FUCKED UP LIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM! I hate how I feel! I hate that I remember it all! The good and the bad. I hate when I draw! I hate my voice. I hate my body. I hate being touched. I hate THAT I ASK FOR TO MUCH TO! WE BOTH ASK FOR TO MUCH FROM OUR PARTNERS! I DONT KNOW! I don’t know. It’s been 3 years and idk what to do! I know I ask for to much and I haven’t even asked anything of him yet besides comfort and HES DONE GIVING ME THAT! I feel so hopeless. So fucking alone. So tired all the time. Maybe I should make a plan. With all the mental flashes of shooting myself in the jaw maybe I’ll do that. I have no idea what to do. AHHH I DONT WANNA DIE THO! I DONT WANNA DIE I JUST WANT SOMETHING I CANT HAVE! ILL NEVER HAVE! WHEN HE LEAVES ME AGAIN IM JUST GONNA BE ALONE! Just like I said when we first started dating “I swore I was gonna die alone” shit! I AM! I get tired of everyone so quickly. I’m so needy. I’m either obsessed to the point of neglecting myself or I’m selfish to the point of them leaving. I’m a piece of shit that deserves this fucking life. This god damn hell I put myself in. I miss my mom.

[im-the-star-and-i-cant-die]

hatte gerade meine 2000s emo playlist beim staubsaugen an und die evanescence lyrics waren so "you should draw rhy suffering endlessly and begging for death (:" girl ich glaube NIEMAND von uns ist emotional bereit für das nächste kapitel (-:,