#you can tell when i just kinda fell into a stream of conciousness

[hpdfag]

needle and bandage emoji to be specific . FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE BANDAGE

HI HI HELLO !!!!!!!!!!! WAVES this got long as fuck and i unmasked maybe a little too much so its hidden under the cut 4 now ... thank u for sending these in i always love a chance to ramble :3

🩹 - what would you do if your darling hurt themself??

auauahaghhhghhh i would feel SO TERRIBLE even if it wasnt my fault ... he deserves all of the grace in the world, i would do my best to make sure he knew i was there for him, that i really did love him, that he wasnt alone

i would worry about his safety very deeply, but i don't think i'd force him to stop. i'd tell him i was worried, and that i loved him, and that i wanted to do whatever i could, but ultimately it was up to him, you know?

ive had so many people react in just the worst most unhelpful ways when they figured out i had relapsed with self harm and i know i'd never wish that kind of insensitivity and callousness on my love, even if it was out of a place of love and care, i just want him to do what feels best for him

however if he carved my name in himself i think id. how do i put this in an appropriate manner. pass out. and if he wanted me to cut him up i would have a very hard time finding it in myself to say no ^_^ i may have some morals but they are a bit flimsy unfortunately

💉 - how far would you go to get your darlings love??

as far as i could push without him hating me or getting upset!! i think its a bit counter-intuitive to keep pushing and breaking down your darling until they give in. there's just no staying power to a relationship like that!

i'd mold myself into whatever he wanted, slowly but surely, so he wouldn't notice. if he said he prefered people with darker hair, a few weeks later, id get someone else to dye my hair and make them think it was their idea. if he wanted someone more assertive, who stood up for themselves more, slowly but surely id let myself grow, and try to find it in me to really speak my mind. if he wanted someone he could fix up, if he wanted a pet project he could be proud of, i'd let myself shatter, let myself fall into pieces again for him to put back together like kintsugi, better than i was before i fell apart because of him.

in general, im terrible at trying to take control. i fell first, but he was the one that asked me out, and then proposed. i try to be subtle, so there's no chance of me seeming overbearing. i'll become whatever he wants. anything at all.

i think also, part of this, is i trust him at this point to be able to control himself. he isnt some kind of idiot who only acts on base impulses, i trust that he loves me, and can have friends without becoming too buddy-buddy with them.

i couldn't kill anyone he cared about, it would make him too sad, and i'd be hesitant to throw a wedge between them, if only because we have such a small community back home. it would distort the balance. everyone relies on him, needs him, and i can't destroy that. i need to cultivate hope, not bring despair. our friends, they're scared of me, even if i'm relatively harmless. i think i could get people to back off pretty easily by just saying i was concerned, and they would know to do it in a way that didn't hurt hinata, because they know how serious i am about him. about his happiness. and they care about him too. so i would hope they know how to react to something like that. i would also hope it wont be necessary.

im planning on spending my life with him, not setting us both on fire. i need him to be happy. i need him to love me. i need to be able to love him to survive. ive toned myself down as much as i think i can in hopes of appeasing him. if i wasnt so scared of hurting him, i think i would kill for him. i think id cut us off from everyone if i didnt know it would kill them too. he's so important. i want everyone to be able to bear witness to his light, i just cant stand people who want to take it for themselves. they should know their place.

people who aren't from the island though? who just want to take him? they drive me insane. i cant stand them, the audacity they have, to think they're worthy to even be near him. to think he would love them the way he loves me. i value my own life, so i couldn't kill them. but i definitely want to sometimes. at the very least i'd cut them out of his life as swiftly as possible. FF workers, people from the mainland, people from this awful reality who think he'd ever call them his. id cut them out like a tumor. as quickly and as efficiently as possible, without any care for the fallout. the cancer would be gone.

[izacore]

trust me when I say the majority of fans are disappointed if not that tired af this time. yeah you might see some ppl coddling him on twitter but that is a small minority. and those who are not expressing on twitter are letting it out in gcs. Like the fans who have been forever are tiredddd. And that's saying something since he has no new fans this era and most of them are here since 1d. so yeah happy faith in the future with the same old team louis.

Good. This is going to be a stream of conciousness so bear with me, but recently I've been wondering if Louis or lthq aren't a bit disappointed with the fanbase so they stopped nurturing it so much? I mean, I am pretty certain that they hoped for more with FITF release and the fitf tour, considering what kind of venues they booked and how many dates they put out. And imo, if all this happened in 2020/2021 the fanbase would be more than enough to sold everything out and keep the album on top of the charts for longer. I think that maybe they saw the fanbase growth, saw the numbers the livestream pulled and then just took it for granted and thought it's always going to be like that and that fans are going to stay through everything. Unfortunately tho I feel like lthq and tbh Louis too don't really know this fanbase, its dynamic, how it operates and why people wanted to follow and support Louis in the first place so it's hard for them to work out a strategy. I mean, you won't tell me that someone business savvy would recommend pushing with the Freddie stuff that turned off A FIFTH of his 2020 fanbase off if we go off of his twitter engagement. He says that we need him and he needs us and I don't know if it's true in its entirety anymore... I mean he does need us but do we need him? What content is his putting out there for us to enjoy. When we look at the doc alone it's stunts and struggles of a straight laddy lad devoted dad. I'm nkt sure that people necessarily need this person. At least personally the reason why I fell in love with him as an artist and as a person was cause he seemed such an inspiring, fearless, bold and resillent personality and I could believe in him and his fight. This is who I need. Because what exactly is he now against or what is he fighting for? Do lthq and Louis even know why fans feel such a strong connection to him? Why they want to support him? Cause in my opinion it feels like they have they idea of the fanbase completely wrong and I think they kinda proved it with the doc where they shows passion as camping and stalking completely writing off any other parts of his amazing fanbase. What it shows to me is that they only have a surface level knowledge about Louis' fandom and like with everything, the bare minimum is their comfort zone. And now you have this thing with this cancelation, where he didn't even mention what exactly he cancels and who exactly is affected as if hey let's pretend it was all a dream. And comparing it to him writing a lengthy explanation for when they had to postpone the signings for the fans in the UK.... I guess it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I could go on and on and on about Louis' situation but I think I can bring it all down to 3 main points:

1. As long as Louis and lthq don't figure out, that it wasn't the extra laddy lad Louis who sold out the first tour and who people followed back then, nothing will change.

2. Louis and lthq have to stop wanting to be an indie artist with mainstream numbers.

3. Bare minimum won't fly forever. You base your image on your connection with fans and they always show up for you, but when was the last time you showed up for them, when you went the extra mile for the fan experience? If you want the way you treat your fans to be your main thing, then I'm sorry but you could learn a lot from people like Lewis Capaldi when it comes to nurturing and connecting with the fans.