#you can tell when i just kinda fell into a stream of conciousness

[hpdfag]

needle and bandage emoji to be specific . FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE BANDAGE

HI HI HELLO !!!!!!!!!!! WAVES this got long as fuck and i unmasked maybe a little too much so its hidden under the cut 4 now ... thank u for sending these in i always love a chance to ramble :3

🩹 - what would you do if your darling hurt themself??

auauahaghhhghhh i would feel SO TERRIBLE even if it wasnt my fault ... he deserves all of the grace in the world, i would do my best to make sure he knew i was there for him, that i really did love him, that he wasnt alone

i would worry about his safety very deeply, but i don't think i'd force him to stop. i'd tell him i was worried, and that i loved him, and that i wanted to do whatever i could, but ultimately it was up to him, you know?

ive had so many people react in just the worst most unhelpful ways when they figured out i had relapsed with self harm and i know i'd never wish that kind of insensitivity and callousness on my love, even if it was out of a place of love and care, i just want him to do what feels best for him

however if he carved my name in himself i think id. how do i put this in an appropriate manner. pass out. and if he wanted me to cut him up i would have a very hard time finding it in myself to say no ^_^ i may have some morals but they are a bit flimsy unfortunately

💉 - how far would you go to get your darlings love??

as far as i could push without him hating me or getting upset!! i think its a bit counter-intuitive to keep pushing and breaking down your darling until they give in. there's just no staying power to a relationship like that!

i'd mold myself into whatever he wanted, slowly but surely, so he wouldn't notice. if he said he prefered people with darker hair, a few weeks later, id get someone else to dye my hair and make them think it was their idea. if he wanted someone more assertive, who stood up for themselves more, slowly but surely id let myself grow, and try to find it in me to really speak my mind. if he wanted someone he could fix up, if he wanted a pet project he could be proud of, i'd let myself shatter, let myself fall into pieces again for him to put back together like kintsugi, better than i was before i fell apart because of him.

in general, im terrible at trying to take control. i fell first, but he was the one that asked me out, and then proposed. i try to be subtle, so there's no chance of me seeming overbearing. i'll become whatever he wants. anything at all.

i think also, part of this, is i trust him at this point to be able to control himself. he isnt some kind of idiot who only acts on base impulses, i trust that he loves me, and can have friends without becoming too buddy-buddy with them.

i couldn't kill anyone he cared about, it would make him too sad, and i'd be hesitant to throw a wedge between them, if only because we have such a small community back home. it would distort the balance. everyone relies on him, needs him, and i can't destroy that. i need to cultivate hope, not bring despair. our friends, they're scared of me, even if i'm relatively harmless. i think i could get people to back off pretty easily by just saying i was concerned, and they would know to do it in a way that didn't hurt hinata, because they know how serious i am about him. about his happiness. and they care about him too. so i would hope they know how to react to something like that. i would also hope it wont be necessary.

im planning on spending my life with him, not setting us both on fire. i need him to be happy. i need him to love me. i need to be able to love him to survive. ive toned myself down as much as i think i can in hopes of appeasing him. if i wasnt so scared of hurting him, i think i would kill for him. i think id cut us off from everyone if i didnt know it would kill them too. he's so important. i want everyone to be able to bear witness to his light, i just cant stand people who want to take it for themselves. they should know their place.

people who aren't from the island though? who just want to take him? they drive me insane. i cant stand them, the audacity they have, to think they're worthy to even be near him. to think he would love them the way he loves me. i value my own life, so i couldn't kill them. but i definitely want to sometimes. at the very least i'd cut them out of his life as swiftly as possible. FF workers, people from the mainland, people from this awful reality who think he'd ever call them his. id cut them out like a tumor. as quickly and as efficiently as possible, without any care for the fallout. the cancer would be gone.