#he made a mistake and it sucks but it’s literally FINE. it’s not like someone crashed him out or the car burst into flames ?

[l8tof1]

still waiting for merc to post the actual race result and celebrate lewis’ podium + that he moved up to p3 in the WDC + got fastest lap 🙂👍

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

careless whisper

♡ STEVE HARRINGTON'S MASTERLIST ♡

❁ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❁

You can read this as it is but if you wanted more from this, here's a sequel "Baby Come Back"

﹆ Summary : you loved him with all your heart but he became unfaithful and there's nothing that he can do to mend it, is it really your last dance together?

﹆ Word Count : and again hoping it's not that too long for y'all

﹆ Warnings : 18+ MDNI‼️KingSteve! x FEM!reader, cursing, Steve and reader are both (18), unprotected sex, p in v penetration, both oral receiving, SMUT‼️, slight public sex I guess?, Steve will be so oblivious with readers feelings, cheating, unrequited love, friends to lovers, emotional abuse, tolerating, no use of y/n, not going to give any spoilers in here but beware that this will be ANGSTY!

﹆ What to Expect : SMUT‼️, FLUFF‼️, ANGST‼️, Steve and reader are the IT couple on Hawkins High, of course- by the term "King Steve" you know what that means, sorry ✌🏻

﹆ Note To Reader : Y'ALL BABY'S FIRST EVER STEVE HARRINGTON FIC!!!! AHHHHH <3 I'm so excited to spill all of my ideas about my first ever fave character from the show! and yeah I also apologize that I chose to do angst first 😔🤚🏻

﹆ Author Note : this is literally one of my favorite songs from George Michael and don't come at me, okay?!? I was just listening to this song and I was like why is this so Steve coded?!? AND YUP IT CLICKED AN IDEA!!!! ;))

Present : Prom 1984

"How are you holding up?" He asks as he tries to look at your eyes but you're avoiding it

"Been alright" you say as you look at him very briefly, your touches with him as you both swayed in the dance floor it felt different

His heart sunk when you couldn't even look into his eyes in the same way again

The eyes that are once so dreamy when you both locked in

He can tell that you're still moving on from him

He can tell that your eyes speaks louder than words

He can tell that you're still hurting because of him

Past : He shouldn't had an affair with someone else

"Diana, she isn't-"

"I know"

Steve is staggered as he swallows nervously in front of you, he wishes to be sucked down deeply on the floor and never to be seen again

He's ashamed for himself

He doesn't understand the meaning and the idea of love until it hits him like a block of bricks

And it hit really hard to the point that right after he slept with the other woman that night after the party that you both went out

He realized he made a mistake

A huge mistake that "sorry" can never undo the damage to what he has been done

Once the trust is broken it can never be fixed

You know he had a choice not to choose to cheat on you

But you laugh in disbelief as you think about it

Oh, right, he's King Steve

He doesn't know feelings and wants to keep his title to stay relevant

"W-Wait, you knew?"

"Everybody at school knows about it, Steve" you tried your very best to mask your pained expression but he can see it

The look on your face pierces right through his chest as he gulps

You have every right to be mad at him

You have every chance to shout and yell at him

But you didn't....

You talk so cold like it doesn't even matter to you

He darts his eyes everywhere in the room as he spoke again "After all this time?"

You sigh tiredly "Yeah"

He shook his head at you as he couldn't believe what you just said

"How? H-How you look-"

"What- I look what?!"

"You look...fine"

You incredulously laugh "Of course, I've had to Steve, we both got a title to keep it stable, right?" You reply to him in a mockery way as he averts his eyes somewhere else

"If you knew then why are you still with me?"

You frown at his words as you take all the courage to not breakdown at him, to not show him that you're weak but you failed since....

You love him too much that it's okay if you break apart from him

"Because I love you, Steve! Why don't you get that?!?"

Your chest heaves heavily as you try to control your breath as you cried angrily but also filled with sadness and frustration

Steve gasps, the moment you snap at him and saw you for the first time like this

You've never showed your side of vulnerability, yes, you've told him a couple of glimpses of your life but never this

Now, his eyes burned with forming tears as he tries to close his mouth in shock

You loved him? No one has ever loved him truly before

"I loved you so much that I play pretend so I can keep you!" You hiccupped into your own tears

"I loved you too" he said it out loud before he can stop himself, you saw how his eyes widens when he realizes what he just said

It's like a record scratch, you stare at him with your tear-stained cheeks as you studied his face

You blink, "What?!?"

"I've been drawn to you ever since we we're friends"

"S-Steve" you shift on your stance

"You're the only friend that I've ever had, who knows me better than I do"

You throw your palms on your face as you continue to sob

You're both dating for almost 2 years but why does he have to betray you to make him realize that he is in love just like you?

"Is this true?" You quietly say as you wipe away your tears

"Yes, it is" he walks closer to you but you moved away giving him the signal that you don't want him to hold you

"I-I tried to ignore the signs before that I thought maybe you- you just wanted this for to gain something"

What the fuck?

"Is that all really matters to you? Steve? don't you even think about how much I've suffered to maintain my sweet-like personality whenever we walked in the hallways?!?"

He thought maybe if he confessed his true feelings to you, everything will go back to normal

But it doesn't....

Not even the truth will bring the both of you comfort

Pain is all there ever is

"I've wanted to scream and I'm so tired to act like everything is okay, I really really wanted us to last, Steve"

"Turns out it was just only me who wanted to have a future with you"

The words just rolls out of your bitter tongue and it's a punch to his gut

"N-No, that isn't true" he begs

"You lost me, Steve, you had your chance and you blew it" you sniffle

Before he can say anything, you left him alone in his house as his eyes are still glued at the closed door hoping that you'll come back

But you never ever did

Future : if only he's loyal to you this wouldn't happen

You endured every single thing that his friends talked about you

Talked about, you're not fit into their world

Saying that "she doesn't belong here" but you didn't care because why?

You loved him

You love Steve Harrington despite what everyone else says

You don't care about titles

You don't care about these social cliques

You just wanted to have good friends and well, maybe love

Everybody adored you at school saying that you're the sweetest and kindest popular girl, it's actually rare for them to have those qualities because most of them are fucking assholes

You even overheard some other people like how did you even get into this situation?

Back in 1982, you're a new kid at school and you somehow manage to get into King Steve's heart without any hassle

You wished you've only stayed as friends

So, this wouldn't have hurt this much

"Steve!"

"What?"

"You know I'm ticklish!"

"I don't know" he feigns innocence and he still continues torturing you into your side as he towers over you as you lay at the grass with a blanket on his backyard

"Stop!" You say with a breathy laugh

He chuckles when you pout at him holding the both of his wrists "Okay, okay"

There's a moment that both of you halted over your silliness at each other

He never felt anything like this before

His heart is beating so loud that he could hear it throbbing on his ear

Your eyes went everywhere to his face

He is absolutely so beautiful up close like this

You're the first one to break the whatever that was

He nods as he runs his fingers through his hair as he watches you

He is so thankful that he has someone like you

You've never judged him, you let him know that emotions are valid that he can always count on you

You comforted him on his darkest days, you're the sunshine that help him to forget his absent parents

You feel so sorry for him when he told you he's alone most of the time in his enormous house

Yeah, maybe he's wealthy but he did not once felt happy until you came along

You're like an angel, he knows that he made the right decision to sit next to you at English Class, that's where it all began your newfound friendship

A part of him is afraid at that time you might back out if you found out that he's King Steve and his reputation at school

He is surprised that you didn't knew anything about him and that gives him a relief

After everything crashed down, now, you wished you knew all about him that's how he thinks about love

It's all just fun and games to him

You cursed at yourself for being so lovesick

A smile grows on his lips as watches you ate cherries on the vanilla milkshake that he make for you, it's your favorite

The whipped cream went on the sides of lips as you take a sip from the straw

He swiped it using his thumb and you blushed at his sudden action

He licked it off clean as you watch him

He catches you staring, there's a unreadable gleam on your eyes that he didn't not quite understood yet

Steve can't even register that he's moving closer to you and you froze as you hold your milkshake tightly as he cradles your cheek

He runs his tongue over his lips as his eyes stare at your rosy lips

He moves inches closer and your breath hitches, your mouth is slightly open as you look at him

He gave you one last look before he dive in

Your lips are now connected to his as he pulled you closer to him, he snatches your milkshake away as he puts it down as you start squirming and shut your eyes as you throw your arms around him

He smiles through the kiss as he deepens making you moan and his heart flutters at the sound of it, your hand crawls through his perfectly styled hair and he made a guttural groan at your move as you tug it slightly

His hands went at your waist as he squeezes it, the touch is overwhelming and your skin feels on fire everytime he grabs and graze his fingertips under over your clothed body

He slowly made you lay down beneath the blanket as you spread your legs to position himself on top of you

Your heart had never been this so fast, he tilts his head over the side as you yelp when his hands went under your skirt he starts toying with the garter of your panties, he smirks through the kiss

He cuts off your heated make out session as he removes his shirt and his eyes widens when you chase his lips as he pecks on it, you blink at his bared chest as you became flustered yet again, your fumbled panicky with the buttons of your blouse but he halted you as you let him undress you

It reveals a red lacy bra as he wolfishly whistles and you playfully slapped his chest as you duck your head down in a shy manner

God, why you gotta be so adorable?

He uses his index finger and his thumb to lift your chin to make you look at his gaze as you finally take him in

His cheeks are flushed, his hair is a mess and both of you are matching the same looks

The look that he's giving you, it's enough to make your mouth run dry and the wetness is pooling between your red lacy underwear

It doesn't take him too long to kiss your lips once again as he rises up slowly to undo his belt and his pants along with his boxers

He unclasps your bra as he throws on the side doesn't really matter where it lands as your hands when back onto your skirt to unzip it as you shimmy down and put it away

He reaches at your red lacy underwear but the moment he struggles to get it off, he starts to get impatient he snaps it just right about where your knees making you squeal

"I'll get you a new one, don't worry, baby" he growls as his hot kisses went everywhere on your chest and you can tell that he is hesitant to touch you

He doesn't even know if you wanted this but as if you can read his mind, the second thoughts were erased as you told him

"Steve, it's okay, you can touch me"

You breath heavily with his kneading your breasts as he plants smearing marks on your neck hitting that sweet spot making you mewl

He pats your thigh as a signal to wrap it on his hips

He holds your waist aggressively you know it will be bruised and it turns you on even more

You gasp as you can felt his tip intruding your tight hole as you can feel him entering smoothly along with your juices and arousal

It doesn't even needed a lubrication, he is drenched because of you

"Jesus Christ, y-you're dripping wet" he grunts as he watches your cunt devouring him as he can see your eyes fighting to stay open

He smirks as he fills you all the way up, you throw your head onto the side as you bit down your bottom lip

"S-Steve, please move"

He is so big to make you scream as you finally adjusted to his size and felt comfortable with pain and pleasure

He puts the other leg down as he lifts the other one as he puts over his shoulder and pulls you down closer to him that earned a whimper from you

He starts rutting in and out slowly, he hasn't even done anything and yet, it's driving you crazy

The squelching noises, the slamming back and forth with his slow pace as you start clenching around him

"Goddamn it, baby, you gotta stop doing that" his mouth is hanging open and already knows what heaven feels like

This is heaven

He doesn't ever want to leave

"M-Move f-faster" you stuttered between soft moans as you pawing at his hairy covered chest as he begins to go rough on you

Your hand flew over as you slapped and covered your mouth as your breasts start to jiggle from his movement, he tear off your hand as he pins it down

"Don't be shy on me, I wanna hear you loud and clear"

You whine and arched your back as he start to held both of your arms to go along with his neck as he pulls you even more further making him go deeper inside of you as you throw your head back and you gave him his wishes

You moaned beautifully as he devilishly smirks as he kisses you again but this time is filled with lust and teeth began to clash

Your whole body feels lumpy as both of you went back down as he raises both of your arms over the top of your head as he pounds at you placing kisses all over your face

You watch him down below as he fucks you ramming his way so easily

Your eyes rolls back as your high pitched moans went "ah-ah-ah" he feels so fucking great to hear those coming out of you because he's the one that made you feel like this

"So tight, baby, you're killing me"

"S-Steve, don't sto-p"

You wrap your legs around him as you tangle at him along with his body to push him down

"Oh shit!" he exclaims as his eyes darkens

You giggle but the time when he fingers touched your clit and you shudder

"Not so funny are we now, baby?" He bullys your clit earning a lewd noises falls from your lips

You nod at him pathetically as you matched his movements making him chuckle darkly

He lets go of your hands as he hooks his hand under your knees as he sheathes himself inside of you

You started babbling at him saying "S-Steve- fuck! That's it right there!" You shouted out loud but not without a moan

Yes, this is what he wanted

Let the neighbors hear you that he's the one who giving you this sweet pleasure

He thrusts as you shake your head begging for a release

"Yes, baby, I know, just let it go, I got you"

"ah-Steve!-oh"

You moan wildly as you chant his name as you came undone

He spills his load painting your flesh walls white

Your legs are trembling and you're shaking badly as he lazily smile as his spent body went boneless on top of you

You embrace him with your warmth along with your tangled legs as you kept him in place

His eyes go big when he realizes he had done something, you felt him became tense as you hold him softly by his shoulder blades

Despite, the fiery sex that you just both had, you're still in that haze but you remembered that both of you just did that on his backyard is making you feel fuzzy

He carefully rips himself off of you as he start scrambling to get on with his boxers

You immediately missed his scent on you

You furrow your brows as you watch him run off with that worried look on his eyes

You didn't have the time to wear your discarded clothes as you chose to grab his towel that is hanging around the lounge chair that he uses when he wants to take a dip from his swimming pool, you covered it with your naked body

"Steve! Wait- what is it?" You asked him with concern his heart feels booming inside of his chest by the tone of your voice

You really did care about him

This is all too good to be true

You followed him as he moves the sliding the door as he went outside he stopped once he's in there

You stare at behind his back and insecurities are now lurking in the shadows

Did he regret it?

Just run off and never look back save yourself from rejection

But you didn't instead, you touched his shoulder softly as he melts with it, you call out to his name again, you swore you heard him crying

He slowly turns his body around facing you and now you met Steve's eyes with threatening tears that are about to fall

"O-Oh my god, Steve? Are you okay?- Tell m-"

"W-We didn't use protection- and I-" he croaked up in his own tears

"I came inside of you and I didn't even asked you first that if you wanted this to happen" he motions at the two of you and you can see the guilty look from his eyes as he rests his forehead against with yours

Your eyes softens as it starts become glossy

Did he ruin your friendship?

Did he broke the last precious thing that meant a lot from him?

"Steve, it's fine, I've wanted you to"

His blinked the tears away just to see your face clearly

"Y-You wanted it?" He says as he holds your hands raising it closer to his face as he kisses it

You take a deep breath through your nose as you brave enough to confess your feelings

"I wanted you more than as a friend, Steve"

The swallows the lump on his throat as his chest eases out from tension

"The truth is that I love you, Steve" a fallen tear as you smile at him

Your eyes are shining with so much affection that he doesn't have before and it scares him

He shakes his head in disbelief as he watches you hug him

"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know that I do, I am really in love with you"

He squeezes his eyes shut to your words as he hugs you tightly as he rests on the crook of your shoulder

He finally got what he wanted all of his life

Until, he realizes it was too late

He was too late for him to figure it all out, when you finally made up your mind that you want him in the first place

You loved him too early, he loved you too late

Aftermath : you can't ever lie to yourself that you still want him after how he treated you harshly

As much as you wanted to cling on to him and keep things the way they were

You know what's best for you

You know it's the right thing to do

You know deep down to your soul that you don't want this to end

But this is all too much for you, too much for you to bear

The agony, pain, sorrow, disappointment, heartache, if you continue this, you will be miserable

You want it keep it going, hell, if he asked you to marry him, you would, fuck, he might not even finished saying the lines, you will say "yes" to everything

But his heart is elsewhere, his mind is remains afloat

You got your heart and your soul devoted to him, you gave your most sacred value, your body

Only to be wasted to be washed away down the drain

But still, you've never regret doing it to him,

But no matter what you do, no matter how many times he apologizes to you, sure, you can see it that he despised his fault for your failed relationship

It isn't feel right and it isn't working

You can't see and look at him in the same way before, all you can see is....

It's deceitful, it's making you so angry but you will never show how hot-headed you are

Because, yet again, you loved him, no matter how you wanted to scratch his face out of madness

He is intimidated by your whole sense of nonchalant micro expressions but he knows behind that mask

You're upset

You know it yourself that you've done everything that you could ever give to him

You conclude in your own thoughts alone that you aren't enough for him

There might be sprinkle of insecurity that you wanted to brush it off but that's what you feel

You supported him, take care of him, you've been a good listener, you've been a loving girlfriend of his that in other people lenses

You're just an eye candy

Now, you understand what you've gotten those sympathetic eyes on you at school

Because this is all what comes down to....

You're just another girl that he got himself a jackpot to his prize

Just another trophy to his collection that he just....slept with you and he'll do it again after to the next girl that he got eyes targeted

Despite at how brutal that sounds

You will always love him

Back to Prom 1984

You can feel everyone's eyes on the both of you

You're dancing together at the center of the dance floor

They knew about you and Steve's relationship and the infidelity that he has done

They knew about the bond that is going to fall apart

Steve thought that the music is far from being too loud, he is getting overwhelmed by it, he wants to turn it off and leave the premises with you where he feels safe

Now, he is slipping off with your delicate fingers, the only sanctuary that he has ever given and he knows that he is fucking lucky to have you

He wished that the both of you could lose this crowd

"Let's go outside"

"N-No, S-Steve- No"

He ignores your protests and he tugs at your hand leading you out of the dance floor as he tries to scrape you off your feet and dragged you outside

The students starts whispering all around

He is surprised that you let him hold you

You let him intertwined your hands with his

He pushes you outside first slowly and he closes the door behind him, the music blurs out

You wrap your arms around yourself the night chilly air hits your delectable skin as the fairy lights from the streets makes you look glowy

He sadly sighs as he finally had the chance to look at you like this again

This is the only time that he saw what's in your eyes, god- is this what he trying to dodge? what is he thinking? all he wanted is to punch himself for cheating on you

All he can see the remnants of your undying love to him on your eyes but also mixed with a cloud of gloominess

He fucked up big time

He removes his coat as he tries to give it to you

"I don't want your coat" you step away as you sternly look at him

He ignores again, your remark as he places his coat around you

"What should I do to gain back your trust, please tell me" his hazel eyes pleads for you and your eyes burning from the tears forming

Your chest tightens, you don't want to have this conversation again

You know it'll ended up so raw and you feel exposed by your feelings and the worst case

The transparency of your emotions

The seconds as he awaits for your reply, the music from the gymnasium dies

You look at him that he doesn't ever wanted to see

It terrifies him horribly as he begins to cry in front of you as you did too

"Oh, god- please no" his voice starts breaking and your heart shattered at the sound of it

He knows exactly the meaning behind your melancholic eyes

It's all sad goodbyes

"Steve, maybe it's better this way" you say as you held his cheeks as he presses himself against it at the palm of your hands as he kisses it

"No, it's not-"

He knows that you aren't a fool to this any longer, he knows what's about to happen but he can't help but beg for you to not leave him

You rip your hand out of his cheeks as he already misses your touches

You hated how fast you feel powerless over him whenever you talked to him like this

You hated how easily that he can get to touch like nothing happened

But, not this time, not anymore

You're trusting your gut, you listen to your inner voice

"Steve! If we pick up where we left off, we'd just end up hurting ourselves and it will hurt a lot more of the things that we wanted to say to each other"

"Don't say it like that- I promise that'll be better, I'll prove it to you"

You slam your lips over his and he can't help but feel the same butterflies on his stomach that he once ignored, you kissed him like it was your last breath

There's a voice inside of his head that says he something is bad is about to happen

God, if he could only turn back the time and he'll make things right

"Don't let this get over with your head, I am giving you one last dance, one last touch and one last kiss"

"N-No, please- don't let go-"

"I'm saying that this is goodbye, Steve"

"W-We could've have been so good together, we could've have this dance forever"

You smile sadly, "I wish you thought about that before you crossed me" he watches you as you take off his coat from your shoulders

Your heels hits the pavement as it starts clicking as you walked away from him

He chases you as he hugged you from behind, you breakdown in tears again, he rests his head over your shoulder as he sniffled

"Please stay"

"You will always have my heart, you know it belongs to you ever since, Steve, and I'm always going to love you, but I have to go" you caressed his hand as you remove yourself from him as you take a look at him one last time

"I love you Steve Harrington, thank you for giving me how betrayal feels like" you humorlessly chuckle as he runs his hands over his face, he keeps shaking his head sideways

You kissed his cheek as he watches you with those tired eyes, of course, you can notice everything, the dark circles surrounding his eyes

He hasn't gotten any sleep like you do

He can't sleep properly because of you

His mind and his heart screams at you

He wants you back on his life, but now, he's alone again

He hates himself and he knows what he did is unforgivable and unforgettable

"I'll miss you, take care okay?" You choke in your own tears as you fixed his hair for the last time, the kind gesture that he always admired, he can't believe that this is the last time

He holds both of your shoulders "I can't never love again, I only want you"

Your heart cracks piece by piece to his words

The time is running out, you need to move

"If you really love me you have to let me go, Steve"

He begrudgingly loosens his hold on you as he watches you walking towards your car, his eyes are fixated on you and you know it

You badly wanted to look at him again, but you decided against it, you don't even wanna leave him like this but it had to be done

He cries standing all alone on that night

You cried while driving home as your knuckles turn white as you grip on the steering wheel

He knows for a fact that he will never gonna dance again

The way he danced with you

[verboselocket38]

I think about this a lot when watching the show but like.... Just because the Vees are horrible people doesnt make the main characters any better?

Angel dust killed people, Alastor killed and ate people, Husk was a former overlord and owned the souls of many people, when Charlie saw her friend have a horrible boss whos been hurting him she doesnt do ANYTHING despite being the PRINCESS OF HELL. Theres a difference between being nice and being stupid, and Charlie is just stupid... like PAINFULLY stupid and childish.

Just because you try to show a character who is a "Worse Murderer" does not mean crap since your other characters literally killed people as well! They suck as much as the "worse murderer" if they killed ONE PERSON.

When Charlie wants sinners to be redeemed, it doesnt seem she puts rules on who can or cant go to heaven. So basically all they have to do is just do a bunch of trust exercises and trust falls and all their crimes are forgotten and they can happily prance in heaven with their victims 😊

People say that this is suppose to be apart of Charlie's "Nativity" and like- fine. I could of been OK with that if it wernt for...

A) Charlie was born in hell, she should know or feel that all the stuff seen and done in hell is "normal" by their societal standards

and

B) IF THOSE EXERCISES DIDNT WORK

Heres the thing, Sir Pentious goes to heaven in the final episode. All he did throught the series is trust exercies and that bit at the end to protect the hotel (He didnt sacrifice himself guys, if he did he would of atleast got a hit on Adam). I know his backstory will be mentioned in season 2 but assuming he killed someone when he was alive, that is not enough to redeem someone. I love Pentious but he doesnt deserve heaven, I'm sorry 😭

Like yeah- the Vees suck as people (Especially Val) but you cant act like the main characters are good people when they do the bare minimum and believe doing less drugs and trust exercises excuse you for murder.

Heck... Even in Helluva Boss our Main Characters are assassins and Striker, who is also an assassin, is the bad guy cuz hes trying to kill Stolas. They try to paint striker as "worse" when our main characters are equally as bad.

It doesnt matter if a character commited more murders than some other person that murders. At the end of the day they are still murderers.

Rosie: "She's flawed.... But who down here isnt?" BISH YOU ARE A CANNIBAL, THAT ISNT A FLAW.

Charlie: "Sinners made mistakes too when they were alive" MY GUY MURDER AND R*PE IS NOT A MISTAKE, ITS A HORRIBLE ACT. THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE WHEN DOING THOSE THINGS!

Sorry about the long post but this just makes me mad and I had to rant about it :/

[augustghosts]

Wasting Water

Tangerine x fem!reader

So uhh… I'm back! But, with something (someone) new! I watched Bullet Train recently and I just couldn’t help myself. I’m so obsessed with this man 🍊 also i’m a sucker for patching each other up after a mission trope so um, I hope someone enjoys this! lmao. I haven’t written in a few months and I'm a lil rusty so if this sucks… don’t even worry about it… also i didn’t proofread this so if you spot any mistakes, spelling or otherwise, let me know!!

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: Fem reader. Shower sex. Unprotected sex. Fingering, oral (f receiving), Slight choking but not really, PinV etc etc etc (so minors turn around and leave pls) Established relationship. Lots of pet names. Naughty language, obviously. Mentions of blood and fighting and that. Tangerine being soft with the reader (warning in and of itself.)

“Fuck me,” Tangerine’s deep voice practically bounces off the walls, way too loud for the early hours of the morning. Way too loud for the way her head is pounding right now. He doesn’t see her wince, he’s too busy messing with the cuffs of his shirt. She watches as he unbuttons the white sleeves and rolls the fabric up to his elbows. “That was a fuckin’ disaster.” He finishes,

He finally looks up at her, standing in front of the mirror scrubbing at her hands. The water swirling down the drain turns bright red as it descends. She looks just as disheveled as he does. Dried blood, both their own and otherwise, splashed on their skin and clothes. He feels a pang of guilt as he watches her, he knows she’s upset. The job going so wrong being partially his fault, the argument that ensued on the way back being about him not taking responsibility.

The hotel room is small - the only one left. He’s standing in the doorway of the bathroom, practically right behind her. She looks up at him and his heart twists inside his chest - she looks tired, and sad. He hates it. He opens his mouth to speak but she beats him to it.

“Can you get out?” She asks, turning to him. “I’m gonna get in the shower.”

That squeezing his chest hits him again, he tries to ignore it. He nods and sighs, turning to leave. As he does, the large slash on her cheek catches his eye. He stops in his tracks and turns his body fully towards her.

“When did you get that?” He asks, his hand comes up to cup her face. How did he not notice?

“It’s fine. It’s only small.” She sighs, she doesn’t have the energy to push him away.

“It’s fuckin’ not.” He says sternly. His opposite hand came up to her other cheek. Holding her head still so he can inspect her face. The cut looks deep, a bruise already forming around it. She watches him, his eyes soften as they dart across her face.

“You gotta clean that.” He says, turning to dig through her makeup bag which sat beside the sink. He pulls out a washcloth and starts to run it under the sink.

“I was gonna do it in the shower.” She mumbles. “But you won’t leave.”

He sighs again, a habit of his she’s always hated. He turns with the cloth and she steps back.

“Just get out so I can wash up.” She mumbles and tries to snatch the flannel from him. His free hand grasps her wrist, softly - but firmly enough to keep her still.

“Oi,” He holds the cloth out of her reach. “Let me help.”

It’s her turn to feel guilty this time. The pleading look in his eyes made her feel defeated.

“Up.” He points to the counter. She obeys and jumps up to sit on the cold marble. Allowing him to stand between her knees. He’s as gentle as ever, as he always is with her, as he dabs at the wound on her face. She studies him too. His messy curls and furrowed brow. The bags under his eyes. This job literally couldn’t have gone any worse, but at least they were both safe. Something she liked to tell herself when stuff like this happened. At least he was here, alive and breathing. His face inches from hers, his warm hands cradling her jaw. God, he looked good.

When he places the rag down in the sink, she doesn’t hesitate to throw her arms around his neck. He jolts, surprised for a few seconds - his hands squeeze her thighs as he tries to manoeuvre himself to reciprocate the hug, but she’s holding him too tightly. He chuckles, his chin resting on her shoulder as she cradles his head. They both know what this means- I’m sorry and I love you. They had never been the best at communicating with words, unless they were fighting that is. But moments like this they both understand.

“C’mon,” He mumbles into her neck. Placing a kiss there for good measure. “Let’s get in.”

He gestures to the shower. She sniffles into his shoulder and he pats her thighs before pulling away. He messes with the shower, swearing to himself as he tries to figure it out. She undresses behind him and slides past him into the cubicle when he finally gets the water flowing.

“I wanted to do that.” He jokes after he gets his own clothes off, stepping in beside her. “I love undressing you.” He whispers as he watches her. The hot water drips down her face from her hair, cascading down her body. He reaches

for her hips and pulls her in for a kiss. The first kiss in hours, but honestly, it feels like days. Her hands explored his broad chest and shoulders as they melted into each other. The steam that was filling the bathroom helped to cloud their minds, helping to push out the awful memories from the job.

“So gorgeous, darlin’.” He murmurs against her cheek, pressing kisses. His hands travel to her ass, a firm squeeze forcing a moan of his name from her lips. Her back is pressed up against the cold tile. It’s his turn to step under the hot water but he doesn’t really take it in, he’s too busy tickling the skin of her neck with his moustache. His lips travel south as his hands rise up to cup her chest. Another firm squeeze has her laughing breathlessly against his mouth. He kisses her one more time, slowly and deeply. His tongue brushes hers and his teeth latch onto her bottom lip, a small playful tug.

Within seconds he’s on his knees. Her strong, beautiful man is exactly where she wants him, on his knees in front of her. His lips swollen, cheeks flushed, his gorgeous curls soaking wet and sticking to his skin. His big blue eyes watch her as she pushes her fingers through them, pushing them out of his face. His hands knead her hips as he takes in the view in front of him. One hand curls around her knee, encouraging her to lift it and place it over his shoulder.

“Shit, baby.” He practically groans as her pussy is opened up for him. “I can never get enough of you.”

“It’s all yours.” She whispers above him, the shower almost drowning her out. “Please, Tan."

“God, Sweetheart. as much as I love hearing you beg for me. It’s not needed tonight.” He’s as desperate for her as she is for him. When is he not desperate for her? He couldn’t tell you. He groans into her heat as he has his first taste of the night. He uses his thumbs to open her up for him and dips his tongue in teasingly. The warm tip slowly circling her clit, softly applying the amount of pressure he knows she likes. Her knees almost buckle and a breathless moan of relief hits his ears. Fuck, he loves the sounds she makes. And he intends to drag them out of her all damn night. His tongue stays where it is, working her skilfully towards the edge whilst one of his fingers starts to circle her entrance. It pushes slowly inside and he smirks when he feels her clench around his single finger.

“More.” Her fingers pull at his hair as she whimpers. “Please.”

He obviously obliges, after the hard day they’ve had he isn’t in the mood to tease. His cock is rock hard already and the sensation of her warm, wet cunt squeezing the life out of his fingers has him moaning around her clit.

“Like that. Fuck, just like that.” She encourages him as he begins to work her with his fingers. He glances up at her, her head tilted back, her mouth open as she whispers to him. Ap fucking beautiful. “I’m close. Shit, that feels so good baby. Oh my god.”

It doesn’t take long for the world to crash down around her, his name becoming the only word she can remember. The feeling of his mouth and his fingers and his curls in her hands, quickly becoming overwhelming. He chuckles when she pushes at his head.

“Shit, baby.” She’s panting, the steam from the still running shower not helping. She pulls him in to kiss him messily. Her whole body is sensitive and on fire. Her hand wraps around his cock, he tenses and clenches his jaw and she can’t help but press her mouth to the sharp edge.

“You look so fuckin’ gorgeous when you come for me like that.” He says, his voice gravelly. He’s impatient as fuck, her soft hand twisting around his shaft is driving him nuts.

“We’re wasting so much water.” She giggles against his skin.

“Best get out then.” He says, reaching behind her to turn off the water. She opens her mouth to protest but he covers it with his hand before whispering: “I wanted to bend you over the sink anyway.”

She grins behind his hand, he mirrors it when he removes his palm and guides her out of the cubicle. Her still wet hands slide on the marble counter as she grips it. Tangerine stands behind her with a firm grip on her hip, his other hand holding his heavy cock. Positioning himself at her entrance.

“You ready for me, Sweetheart?” He groans as he rubs his head through her folds. She’s nodding desperately when he finally manages to take his eyes off her pussy and look up at her in the mirror.

“Please,” She knows exactly what he wants to hear. “Please fuck me. I need you.”

He smiles, almost wickedly, at how fucked out she already looked. He hadn’t even started yet. They both moan breathlessly as he pushes inside of her as slowly as he can muster. Holding back just so he can see that pleading look in her eye as she makes eye contact with him in the mirror, a whine leaving her lips.

“I know, baby.” He growls as he begins to thrust slowly. “Fuck you feel so good. So tight and so fucking wet for me.”

She loves when he’s talkative like this. He’s still gripping her hip, definitely enough to leave a bruise. A hand snakes around her body to grip one of her tits, he moans behind her as he squeezes her nipple between his fingers. She stretches her hand out behind her to reach for him and he knows exactly what she wants. After the day they had, she just wants to be close to him. He obliges and pulls her to his chest, both of his strong arms wrapping around her.

“You love it like this don’t you?” He asks, his lip’s right beside her ear as he watches her in the mirror. Her hands are gripping his firm forearms as he thrusts into her like it's the last time. Tangerine was nothing if not passionate, especially when they were alone. One of his hands rises to gently wrap around her throat, tilting her head up so he can sloppily kiss her. All tongue and moaning into each other's mouths - it’s glorious. The feeling of his hand squeezing her neck and the sensation of his moustache on her upper lip prompts that fire to begin to smolder in her belly.

“I’m close, Tan.” She whimpers. His grip impossibly tightens on her and he bites into her shoulder.

“Me too, darlin’.” He says against her skin. “Cum for me, gorgeous. I’ll right fucking behind you.”

One of her own hands travels downwards to her clit, Tangerine's eyes widen as he watches her touch herself in the mirror.

“Fuck that’s it. I love watching you like this.” He tilts her head up towards him again, his hand still cradling her jaw. “Cum for me, baby. I wanna see it.”

His words almost act like permission, her body reacting to him instantly. As usual. Her knees going weak and her grip on his arms tightening as she cums on his cock. Her pussy squeezing the life out of him and the feeling of her nails digging into his muscles sends him off as well. His teeth dig into her neck hard enough to definitely leave a mark as he spills inside of her. The sensation of him filling her up making her squeeze around him again. A breathless moan of his name as they both relax. His arms falling to the counter in front of her, his warm body pressed against her back - caging her in. His lips kissing her jaw and cheek, mumbled praises and affirmations. For the first time that day, she finally felt okay.

She almost ruins the moment for herself, thinking about how they will have to get up and do it all again tomorrow. But the sound of her lover's voice asking her what she wanted for dinner snapped her out of it.

“I’m so fuckin’ hungry.” He complained. Standing up straight and running a hand through his hair. Tomorrow didn’t matter, not when she had the most beautiful man in the world standing right here in front of her. She laughs at him and he laughs back, a rare sight reserved solely for her and a few others.

“I gotta take another shower after that.” She says.

Tangerine earns a smack to his chest when he asks: “Round two?”

[polyamorouspunk]

Let’s Talk.

My name is Punk.

This isn’t the name I chose.

This is the name that was given to me by this community.

And for the first time this year this is the name I’ve started using in real life too.

I’m 24 years old. I turn 25 in a few weeks. I’m undecided on whether or not I want to live to see it.

In December of 2021 the person I regarded as the love of my life, my soulmate, despite being polyamorous broke up with me, dashing our plans to get married and move in together around… well, around 25.

From there I fell in with someone eccentric. Some of you knew him as Catboy. I knew him as the ex porn star, married man trying to get a divorce with a newborn kid he didn’t know was his or not that was born while we were together.

Many of you sat around and listened to me talk about how amazing he was and how much he hurt me. Many of you told me that this was an unhealthy situation for me. Many of you told me to break it off. And eventually I did. And that was with your support.

I spent the next few years lamenting being single and how much it sucked with some toxic BPD things in between like one FP I had a crush on acting like we were friends and making plans with me only to turn around and basically call me a psycho? But we’re on good terms again now so it’s fine I guess? Yeah.

Up until about a year ago when I reconnected with my gf, who I never really lost touch with. She was always there in the background, but she’s in the spotlight now.

Around this time I found my latest FP, the lead singer of a somewhat popular band. I started the year off strong. I was on top of the world. I was talking to the lead singer of this band almost every day, and it was amazing!

During this time I started feeling myself a little more. I gained a confidence I think I had lost. If you’ve seen literally any pictures of me over this year you probably know what I mean. And I liked the attention I was getting on here.

Around this time I made it out to my first local show. I have a reputation on here, after all, and it was unheard of for a punk blog like me to not even be active in his own scene! But I always had an excuse. I was tired. I had work. Chronic pain day. It was always something.

This is where we introduce our first of two characters in the life of Punk this year, a girl I dubbed ⚡️ on here.

When I first saw ⚡️ I was enraptured.

I have screenshots of the messages I sent Key that night talking about how enthralled with her I was and how I had watched her all night. I even have messages from Key from when I went back to the venue to see if I could find her and winded up taking home a Green Day patch and pin instead. Three guesses as to where those wound up if you follow Key’s blog at all.

But nothing happened and instead I connected with someone on here. And that was going well until it wasn’t going well anymore. And I cussed them out and took a week of this blog. That’s about when things started to go downhill.

Frustrated at everything I turned to dating apps and that’s where I met 🔮. If you’ve been following this story at all you might know that when I first met up with 🔮 I thought that she was ⚡️. I stand by my right to say this was an easy mistake to make. Ignore the 7 year age gap.

Upon realizing that 🔮 was not in fact ⚡️, my response, of course, as the fucking polyamorous punk was wow! TWO punk girls? What a deal! (Yeah fucking right).

I went on one date with 🔮 and then she invited me to my first house show (party) at her boyfriend’s venue (house). There I smoked weed for the first time. I had always wanted to treat smoking weed my first time like losing my virginity. Someone holding my hand through it and checking in on me. That did not happen. I went home without saying goodbye and from there things devolved. 🔮 told me that she didn’t want to see me outside of the scene, and that she needed space. So, utterly devastated I’d had my heart broken less than a month after the fucking last time I spiraled badly. Started self harming. Considering killing myself a lot. I’m sure you know. You were probably there for it.

It was during this period I ended up finding ⚡️ again. And so I told her that I had a crush on her and that I wanted help fixing things with 🔮 because I wasn’t over her. And then she ghosted me. Because why not I guess lmao. And honestly? I had an air of wanting to ruin things with her too anyway. Because what was the fucking point.

And then one fateful day in July the week after I came home from one of my numerous trips back to CT to keep myself as sane as fucking possible and heal the emotional damage I was constantly being dealt from my BPD and feelings of rejection by going to spend time with people who actually fucking loved and cared about me I attended a movie night at the venue where all of this started in the first place knowing full well there was a good chance I was going to run into one of them. And I did.

And so ⚡️ and I sat together. And we talked. And it was. Electric. It seems funny I chose ⚡️ represent her.

There was a spark and an energy between us I couldn’t deny. And yet, it wasn’t going anywhere.

So I had let it go. Because what was the point of chasing ghosts.

I let it go until one night in August after- wait for it- another trip back to CT I sat around her living room with all her friends and she was the only person I knew until 🔮 showed up. And everyone got drunk and I realized while I had spent months hurting myself, considering killing myself, wondering if I needed to commit myself because of all the fucking emotional PAIN I was in, that these girls were going around to clubs looking for dates and hookups. And I realized how fucking traumatizing the past few months had been for me. I know that probably seems obvious but I mean it when I say I really didn’t realize until I was standing in my kitchen talking to Kai (fangsup-cobrastyle) about how fucked up I was. I mean that well and truly.

And I realized that how is someone supposed to realize how I feel if I didn’t tell them. So I did. I wrote a letter to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head and I addressed it to ⚡️ and disclosed I had no idea if I would even give it to her or not. But I did. And she read it.

And she sat me down and told me she had no idea the extent of how much I was hurting, and that she felt like 🔮 had done the same to her. Which surprised me. I mean, they were best friends. But yeah, I guess if one of them was infatuated with the other and that one was just dragging them along… no wonder they seemed so close.

I looked down at my lap and out at the gas station across the street and asked her if I was crazy in saying that I saw the way she looked at me, the way she acted around me… she said I wasn’t, but she wasn’t in a place for a relationship. I got it. I understood. And I came back with telling her that if she didn’t want to be my girlfriend then I didn’t want that either- but I didn’t not want to be with her either.

She told me that she had shit to sort out. She was a poor broke college student that had lost her job and was trying to make rent on the lease in her punk house. So I threw her some money. I didn’t expect anything back. I just wanted to help. And I told her fine if she wasn’t my girlfriend then she could at least be my sugar baby.

So we’re. Seeing each other. Now. I guess. Or at least I thought we were until like. Last night. Oh boy last night.

Girl went missing over the weekend and had the worst weekend of her life. I had no idea she was missing. She had stood me up and while I was half expecting it, by the time it had been a few days I had slide back into splitting on her, right up until she told me she had to go for a few days. So I said that was fine and I just wanted her to be safe.

*looks into the camera like I’m on the office*

Chat she was not safe. Like at all. In fact she was decidedly UNsafe, and I had no idea because I was like clearly the girl needs space I’ll give her some space. So yeah. Went missing. Had an ordeal. Got back Sunday or yesterday.

Even before I had learned all this I had wanted to ask if I could come over so we could talk more about things between us, and she told me she would think about it depending on how she felt after the show last night. Well. She decided to get a ride from 🔮 instead because 🔮 had things to get from her house. And if you know someone with BPD you know that they do not react well when they target of their affection quite literally chooses someone who is basically competition over them. So yeah. Spiraled hard last night. Cried about it a lot both on here and irl to someone from the scene. Someone who kept it real with me as someone who also has BPD.

Someone else reached out to me from the scene and I ended up telling them what happened too.

So where does that leave me now.

Well.

I had wanted so badly to come home to you all and tell you that I was finally… happy. That I had another relationship in the works. With an amazing girl. And that’s not not true.

I kept it on the downlow because we didn’t agree to anything official, and it didn’t feel fair to announce a relationship that didn’t exist yet.

So now where that leaves me is having sent her a message last night telling her that what she did really hurt my feelings, having a mutual friend offer to tell her to get in touch with me while I guess I just sit back and wait and see where I go from here.

I had been keeping this on the downlow irl too for a variety of reasons. One, and I cannot exaggerate enough, this girl is THE fucking queen bee of the scene. She has the ultimate clout. And I’m not sure I want to be advertising that within the scene itself. Second, I worried that if people saw how much I was being distressed over my situationship with her it might lead to them resenting her, and I didn’t want that. What I want is for us to have a cute if ultimately doomed-to-fail relationship that’s fun while it lasts. And that’s why I’m also intentionally leaving a lot of things out. Because I don’t want that to happen here. I want to make it very clear: no one caused me to choose the actions I did with self harm and self sabotage. Just because my feelings over these people are what led me to take those action does NOT mean that they are in any way responsible. It is VERY important for me as a person with BPD to stress this. My actions and my feelings are my own responsibility. No one “caused” me to spiral and self harm. They are not bad people. I do not blame them. Someone fucking me over romantically is not a justification to blame them for my own SH actions. And I want people to realize that if anyone tries to blame them for their own self harm. You are never responsible or liable for someone else’s actions. If someone tries to blame that shit on you you need to tread VERY carefully.

Do I have fucking adorable pictures of my sugar baby on my phone? Yes. Would I love to post them on here some day and tease her about them? Yes. She is still my cute little uwu crusty punk roadkill drowned rat motherfucker and in my own BPD way I still love and am in love with her. I mean it when I say I do not want my own negative feelings towards any of this to reflect badly on her and that my end goal is to still be a cute toxic yuri couple.

So yeah that’s. That’s what’s been up, honestly. And it feels good to get it off my fucking chest finally, even if it’s not how I wanted it to go. And I’ll keep everyone updated.

The last few months have been very hard for me. The support I’ve gotten here has kept me going when I’m not sure I could have kept going otherwise. If you’ve ever wondered if you’ve made a difference in someone’s lives I want you to read this and know unequivocally that the answer is yes and I am proof.

I love you all. Stay safe. Please do not fucking go missing and almost die.

-Punk

ps. playlist for this post (bc y not)

Bonus tracks:

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Omg please I need 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

For sure!

132 or 1k for 🌲 - whatever I hit first!

---

“Well it should be, but is isn’t!” She protests. “He made me seem crazy. And… And in front of everyone we know! He had so many chances to do this differently… He never said he didn’t want to marry me.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says. “That’s… That’s so wrong. And it sucks. It sucks so much. You deserve so much better.”

She sniffs, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles. “Do I, though?”

“Of course you do!” 

“What if I am just too much, Eddie?” She asks. “Did I… Did I do this?” 

“No! You didn’t! He proposed. He agreed to all of it.”

“Did I manipulate him?” She asks. “What if I did?”

“Adriana,” Eddie pleads. “That’s not who you are. Don’t let him, like, gaslight you into thinking this is your fault.”

She exhales heavily. “Are people ever alone because it’s not their fault?”

Eddie nearly flinches. 

“I… I don’t know,” Eddie whispers.

“Sorry,” Adriana covers her mouth. “Oh, god. Sorry. Shannon literally died.”

And Adriana has no idea she was leaving him anyway. 

“It’s fine,” he says. “It’s not about me.”

“I just this didn’t happen,” she sniffles.

“I know he should have done this way sooner. Literally any other time,” Eddie says. “But maybe he’s doing you a favor in the long run, Adri.”

She turns to glare at him. “What?” 

“I just mean, you don’t want to be married to someone like that,” Eddie says. “You really don’t. Better to end it now, even if it’s terrible timing, than have to pursue a divorce. Okay? That just complicates everything.”

Eddie doesn’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with what he’s saying. If he was her, it would be comforting. Some pain now to avoid more later. But when Adriana processes what he’s saying, the look in her eyes tells Eddie that he has somehow misspoken. He thinks, for some reason, he can feel the temperature drop. Not figuratively. Literally, it feels colder outside, under the south Texas sun. Eddie swears he feels a breeze pick up.

“Are you fucking kidding, Eddie?” She demands. 

Eddie blinks, taken aback.

“Adri, no… I’m not. I know this hurts, but-”

“You never wanted me to marry him!” She accuses. 

“What?” Eddie responds, confused. “When did I ever say that?”

“You didn’t have to! I could always tell!” She shouts. “You were never happy about it!”

Her voice sounds different than Eddie has ever heard it. There’s an iciness to it he doesn’t recognize. This isn’t his little sister. The one who used come to him when she was scared of a movie she and Sophia watched. The one whose hair he had to learn to braid. 

“That’s not true, Adriana.”

“It is!” Adriana presses. “You literally acted completely surprised when I called you!”

Eddie tries to think about what she’s talking about. Tries to remember. 

“Did I think it was a little soon?” Eddie shrugs. “Maybe. I mean, you weren’t even done your undergrad when he proposed.”

“I wasn’t eighteen, Eddie!”

Well, fair.

“That’s why I thought that,” Eddie tries to explain. “I thought maybe you’d have seen what happened with Shannon and I and…”

“And what?” She asks. “Committed myself to not making your mistakes? I’m not you, Eddie. I wouldn’t have.”

Eddie feels bile in his throat. “Alright… I’m not… I’m not trying to argue with you.”

“Everyone is acting like I’m stupid, Eddie! I’m not!” 

Eddie raises his hands in surrender. 

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Adriana,” he promises. His voice is shaky. He feels a little scared. But he doesn’t know why. It doesn’t make sense to be scared of her. She’s his kid sister, she hardly reaches his shoulders, and she would never hurt a fly. But his brain is telling him to be wary. 

There’s a flash of recognition in her, though. She notices his fear. Her eyes widen with surprise and guilt. Just for a second. Like she also doesn’t recognize herself.

“Can you just leave me alone?” She asks. 

Eddie sighs. He’s not sure how he fucked this up so badly.

“Do you want Soph?” He asks.

‘No,” she grumbles. “I just want to be alone for a goddamn second.”

“Okay,” Eddie says. “That’s fine. I’m sorry, Adri. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She doesn’t respond. Doesn’t even look at him. 

Eddie walks back into the church. 

It’s the last time he’ll see her. He just doesn’t know it yet.

iii. 

For days the only person Adriana will even tolerate looking at is Sophia. She locks herself in her hotel room and won’t admit anyone else in. 

So Eddie flies home.  Maybe that’s a mistake. If he knew what would happen, he wouldn’t have gone home. Maybe he should have known. But he and Marisol have work and Chris has summer camp and… Well, and life. Adriana said to leave her be. So that’s what he does.

[baileythebean]

Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

[poppindawgs]

here in lies gregory. at the masquerade ball. sad boy hours.

this fucking sucked cock. 

greg wasn’t unfamiliar to the concept of messing up.  if you google ‘fuck up’,  his face will be the thing you first see.   along with ruined great things with possible a great love of his life because he was scared of letting him in. 

he was almost 40,  with quite literally nothing to show for it.  at all.  

he slapped the bar table, pushing the empty vodka lemonade glass back towards the bartender.  “yeah. another please. thanks”  he mumbled.  hunched  over, sitting in the barstool.  his neck was throbbing,  his head was pounding.  and worst of all,  no one was speaking to him. 

not that anyone was obligated to speak to him.  like at work.  he’d rather be at work right now.  where people are forced to communicate with him,  and act like the words he says are interesting. 

instead of here.  where everyone thinks the gravel on the street,  or the clouds in the sky,  or their phone——is more interesting than him.  one mistake.  one REALLY bad mistake,  and his social life is officially caput,  at 37 years of age, he’s become Nothing. 

he put the drink up to his lips and felt the burning slide down his throat and go straight to his head. another one down.  “another, please.”  he said. 

he turned around, third drink in hand and looked out at the crowd.  couples dancing, kissing.  people falling in love,  or in lust.  it was making him sick,  it was making him violent,  but that could’ve just been the alcohol talking.  he watched jamie, dance with someone.  it could’ve been finley, or elp.  he didn’t really care.  seeing him happy made him happy,  but it also made him want to fucking crawl in a hole and die. 

he saw kenny.  meandering around in his fuckin’ cat mask.  he finished the rest of his drink. 

“okay… two shots, no… three shots of tequila.  then, i’ll close my tab.”  the bartender smiled, and handed him the shots.  he gave the man his card.  the weight in his shoulders lifted when it didn’t decline.  he took one shot. and coughed.  

you’re fine greg.  it’s a fuckin’ shot.  

he took shot two, and three and sighed… he felt the wave of warmth wash over him.  when he stood up, he was standing but it felt like his legs were asleep.  

he was ready for the ball. come hell or high water, someone was talking to him tonight. 

[lunapwrites]

having a bit of a bad brainspace weekend.

i am intensely uncomfortable and unable to do things for myself that i normally could do and this is my not-so-friendly reminder that despite the sometimes crippling ADHD and the fact that my GI issues suck i am, in fact, mostly usually quite able-bodied. i am used to things i am not physically able to do being more in the realm of "touching my toes" due to my intense lack of flexibility or "lift my partner" due to him being 3x my size. I've historically been pretty strong and in good shape for someone that is allergic to the gym, so i was not anticipating adding things like "putting on socks" and "rescuing my sweet idiot dog from the couch he's forgotten how to get off of" to that list.

i made the mistake of asking my partner what it looked like i was struggling with rn because i'm not good at recognizing when i actually need to ask for help vs when i can just power through. this was a poor decision because this means that i received an itemized list of my recent failures. not phrased in a way to be hurtful, just expressing frustration because these were all things that i had previously handled myself with ease and now a) was suddenly not doing, or doing inconsistently, and b) was not indicating i needed help with. and he's not trying to step in on his own and make me feel micromanaged or smothered, because he knows i want to do for myself as much as possible (and also i'd probably bite his head off) and he's 100% correct. and he had to kind of sit me down and be like "you are pushing yourself too hard please stop" and i wanted to shake him and scream that i'm not, that i don't feel like i'm doing enough because i am just a pile of disappointments right now. massive laundry lists of things i need to do and can't because literally if i try it physically hurts me.

anyway i really want to write but the second i sit down i either get distracted with something else or fall asleep or sit there vibrating over the things i should be doing but can't so. there's that. [gazes longingly at several half-written WIP chapters wasting away in the corner] i know where they're all going. i just don't have the gas to get us there. and i hate that. especially because i have this intense fear of not having time for writing at all once Bean is here.

idk. everything sucks rn and i hate it here and i don't wish this on anyone. next person who tells me this is a wonderful miracle and that i should feel so blessed is getting a shoe thrown at them. "best thing you've ever done" fuck you. i know what i did and why, but i also knew it was going to suck ass at least 90% of the time. it was, i thought, an informed decision. i either underestimated the level of disability i would be experiencing or overestimated my ability to cope with it. like it's fine it's temporary i will get through it but jesus fucking christ this is rotten work. and not in a "not if it's you" or an "especially if it's you" sort of way, but more of a "despite" situation. i adore this kid so much already but i also want to be able to stand up for more than 5 consecutive minutes without feeling like i might die. i want to be able to have a conversation without immediately being out of breath. and even all of that i feel terrible venting about because in terms of symptoms i am getting off SO FUCKING EASY. it could have been way worse. and i'm bitching about it this hard. bitching about what???

anyway. so begins the final countdown. with me crying hysterically over a bag of fuckin pastries i left on the counter and feeling lower than i think i've felt since '09, which ain't a great feeling.

[deep breath.] everything will be fine. it just sucks right now. and also i really hate writing thank you cards.

[azelmaandeponine]

you didnt even watch the musical dude no wonder you cant sympathize with evan hansen at all 😭 hes a teenager who got sucked into a lie out of genuine sympathy for the murphys not to "date zoe" like people say, he started acting selfishly in act 2 but ultimately stopped lying & deeply regretted it. saying this as a neurodivergent & mentally ill person you cant just say every story that doesnt present a mentally ill person (especially a teenager) as a perfect person who is incapable of doing bad things is like problematic or whatever

Bruh. I am neurodivergent. I have GAD. I know teens aren't perfect??? But D*H is awful nd rep. It's literally a show written about nd people, by nt people, FOR nt people.

Like. Look at the rep in the show. There's Connor, who's mentally ill...but he's also the scary and abusive mentally ill stereotype.

And Evan manipulates people, he lies about being friends with a kid who killed himself TO THE DEAD KID'S FAMILY, and gaslights Zoe about the abuse Connor put her through.

And the show just kind of goes..."well it's fine cause you helped the Murphy's". He does not face any real consequences.

I'd be fine with that if Evan had been manipulated or abused into it in some way, but he wasn't. He did all that shit on his own.

This isn't about not being able to handle teens making mistakes. I know they do, and sometimes really stupid ones! I'm fine with morally gray characters (my tumblr icon is literally Terra from 2003 Teen Titans...).

This is about the awful nd rep. This is about the show going "Evan lied because ANXIETY". As someone with seriously debilitating anxiety, anxiety does NOT make you gaslight people.

It's about the show going "well, it's fine he did all that, cause he helped the Murphys in the end!". Like no! It's not fine! His actions were his own decisions, made on his own. His actions deserved far more scrutiny than they got.

(Also, obviously I haven't seen it? I live in MINNESOTA and am a poor person with a disability.)

[miradelletarot]

Office Job Rant!

I SWEAR TO FUCKING AO I need a WFH job. like yesterday.

I work with an HOA board of directors. the VP is a colossal DICK. disrespectful, demeaning, rude, and has no patience for ANYTHING if it doesn't go his way.

He seems to think i'm unqualified for my job. I'm not. I have a degree in management, and prior admin experience. This backwards ass tiny asf office ain't shit. There's a ton of shit to do, sure, but he seems to think I should be an accountant. even going as far as to question what I got hired as. A RECEPTIONIST. That's my job. I don't even get paid a livable wage (even if it were full-time, which it's not...hence the 2 jobs).

I'm kinda suck with job 2 which is OK b/c my boss at that job bought me a fucking car. like...A WHOLE CAR because I didn't have a way to get around (thanks ex husband for that one....) what I earn there pays for that car weekly so I can own it eventually. She has only known me for like 3 years. She didn't have to do that, but she did, and I am grateful for it. Sadly, it severely limits my options for a another job. Job 1 is fine when the VP isn't around, but he's terrible to work with. Literally, no one likes him. The Pres is gone for the summer which means I am stuck with this asshole unless I quit (and i can't...surgery to pay for). Now that most of the community is gone for the summer, there's not that much to do honestly unless he's around to give me shit to do that's not in my job description. He's even told me that if I complain he'll just hire someone who WILL do what he tells them to do. like really??? It's a one person office (me...i'm the person) so if this guy wants to fire me he can do that if he wants. Or, he can pay for me to go to school to become a CPA and pay me the appropriate salary to fix all his shit for him (b/c the office was poorly managed before I got there b/c of the bad practices of the previous board of directors).

I made ONE MINOR Mistake today. I forgot something he told me last week. that's it. he told me NOT to do something (which is actually IN my JD so of course i fucking did it...) and got mad at me for doing it. all while talking down to me like a fucking child.

Not even gonna go into detail about how I found out he's watching me on my work computer with his personal laptop with a screen reading program...

So yeah...i guess I am gonna search for WFH jobs today.

[pumpkinpie59]

random hot takes i have cause i’m bored and emotionally dead:

-i literally cannot stand any leo ship other than leolotus, especially if it involves 87 leonardo. i’m sorry but it has made me physically nauseous before. shipping as a joke or a small crush on someone else is fine but pls don’t bother me about other leo ships it’s too much for me. ((i won’t hate u if u ship other ships dw <3 i just ask not to be bothered by it)

-i’ve already ranted about this so i won’t go into depth but i hate the 2012 season 4 finale (moreso requiem than owari but owari still bothers me). i think in general? i think 2012’s writing is mindbogglingly bad after they leave the farmhouse in season 3, but that doesn’t mean i don’t still enjoy a lot of it. just don’t expect me to drop the issues that bother me. season 1 is my baby tho and i’ll defend it to my dying day.

-2012 apritello is good. they just had to go through character development. my only issue with it is that their entire situation was pushed to the background so ppl only notice their development if they’re paying attention to april and donnie the whole time (like i do).

-1987 treats its girl characters better than the other shows which is shocking.

-capril sucks. i have literally never liked it or was just neutral to it. i got close to liking them in idw but then casey became a jerk.

-that said i don’t like shipping casey or april with the turtles with the one exception of 2012 apritello.

-i think 03 casey and splinter are annoying.

-2012 casey is best casey :p

-2012 michelangelo pisses me off. he has some good lines here and there and sometimes has fun dynamics with other characters but in general he’s just an ableist representation of adhd and he literally never faces consequences for his mistakes and instead everything works out for him so he never grows. like literally he stays the same throughout the show. also i dislike his actor sorry :p and his entire dynamic with renet just ruins renet as a character and it bothers me.

-i forget rise exists most of the time tbh. it’s good but like. i forget. also rise leo and donnie’s writing bothers me anyway-

-1987 content needs to sTOP mischaracterizing raphael PLS PLS PLS. “michelangelo is the jokester and raphael groans at his jokes” NO!!! raphael is the jokester so he gets upset when his brothers make stupid jokes bc that’s HIS thing !!!!!! and he’s not angry in the same way other raphaels are except in red sky when he was angry that they became villains in society’s eyes!!! but otherwise he’s emotional and whiny but not angry!!!

-leonardo is best when he’s a dork. he wants to do the right thing but will be a frickin idiot about it but - oh wait buddy don’t do that no wait put the sword down hold on-

-the turtles should never have blue eyes but especially not michelangelo.

-ramona is great but it’s okay for them to just be friends too. either way they slay <3

-lotus blossom and jhanna are the most under appreciated characters in tmnt give them some respECT-

-i think howie should come back. not bc he’s a good character i just wanna see what would happen.

-i hate koya. so much.

-mondo/mikey makes me rlly uncomfortable. it feels exactly like leo/venus since they mutated in the same place so mondo feels like a long lost sibling …

-this is literally just my take and i don’t expect others to agree but like. the 1987 team is the only version of tmnt where i feel like every turtle is equally likable and works as a unit best. like i like 03, but i don’t especially get attached to mikey? he’s good but compared to the other 03 turtles he’s just not my fav. same with 2012 but more extreme since it has rlly good raph, donnie, and leo,, but like i said i really dislike mikey. and then i’m not rlly attached to the rise turtles except mikey. the 87 team tho is all great.

-while i rlly love rise casey, i think waiting to reveal she was casey was a bad idea. i think she should’ve been introduced as casey or should’ve been a different character,,,

-i like red sky but the last episode was a disappointment,, also where are all my fav side characters 😭

-the turtles should never be tall they will always be lil guys to me. they should be under 5 ft plsssss

-not a hot take just a hc that was recently revealed to me and i think it’s genius: the 5th turtle kirby (like from 90s concept art) should be the donatello clone from 1987. like hello??? that’s genius pls watch the clone donatello episode

-if i see yall reducing mm april to just be shipped with leo i will end yall.

-lotus blossom is an interesting character even without her connection to leonardo and i wish everyone would notice !!!!

-not a hot take but rob paulsen should be in every tmnt thing we should make it tradition.

[im-gonna-squeet]

I still dont know who you are, I only know that I'm still lonely chap 2

Donnie has a bit of a late night breakdown, but all is well when they take care of their family, and theyre rewarded with twin cuddles (chap. 1) (chap. 3)

Donnie couldn't sleep.

They should be excited. But they just felt numb. It's not fair.

Just a few hours ago they were fine. They were so excited! Happy!

But now they can barely feel anything.

Whilst they struggled with identifying emotions, they still felt them, in fact they were a rather emotional person, so it was very noticable when they were gone. And they didn't know what to do.

This has happend throughout their entire life, but has become far more frequent since The Technodrome.

You would think that having an issue for your entire life would mean youre able to cope with that issue. Especially having a sibling as well-versed in psychology and emotions as Michael is. But apparently, that isn't how it works.

Having awful emotional permanence surely didnt help. It's very hard to keep a diary of your feelings when you forget about them immediately after you stop feeling them. Which makes it really hard to ask for help.

Emotions are exhausting and confusing, but Donnie thought they preferred having them to not.

The only time they didn't want to feel was after Shelldon... NOPE! No. He's back. Hes ok. Hes alive. No need to go back there ever again.

They decided to go and get a drink... and maybe check on Shelldon on the way. And their siblings. And Papa. But only because they couldn't sleep, and they were heading that way anyways.

They swung their legs over the side of their bed to get up, realising their mistake a moment too late.

"SHIT!" They exclaimed as they fell to the floor, legs unable to hold their full weight.

They covered their eyes with their palms as they let out a shaky breath.

Fuck.

Why do rhey keep forgetting about that.

They let out a quiet sob as tears started to wet their palms and the shock made their emotion flood back. Desperately trying to comfort themself, they pulled their knees to their chest, grabbing their plesiosaur plush from their bed and holding it close, burying their face into the well-loved stuffed animal.

Its not fair. Its not fucking fair. They just wsnted to be a normal-ish teenager. Sure, they can still technically do most of the things they used to be able to do. But it was diffrrent. Which meant that they were different. And they didnt like change.

They cant skateboard anymore, and they might never be able to again. They loved skateboarding.

Logically, they knew that with their enhanced healing, they would more likely recover than not, but it had been a fucking year and they'd made barely any progress.

And sure, their family were very accommodating and understanding, but they didn't get it. Not in the way Donnie needed them to.

It made them angry, and they hated themself for it. Because its not their fault.

They would never want anyone to see what they saw, to feel what they felt. But it just sucked sometimes. It was so isolating and lonely. They just wanted someone to understand. To really, truly know them. To listen to them and go 'yeah, i get it'.

But they never would.

Because if The Technodrome was to be beleived, and they see no reason why she would lie, nobody else had seen what she showed them. Or if they did, they didnt survive to tell their story.

But they all went through horrific trauma that night. Raph was literally mind controlled and Leo was trapped in the prison dimension with Prime for fuck's sake! There was no way they were talking about this and risking bringing back those memories, they wouldn't do that to them. No matter how painful and isolating it was.

They stayed there for a little longer, breathing deep, shaky breaths and listening to their own heartbeat.

Now they really needed a drink.

Thankfully, they had created a new, more comfortable battle shell for prolonged use. Though it wasnt really a battle shell more like a get-around-the-lair shell. They kept it next to their bed so they could put it on when they woke up.

After taking a second to put their glasses on, they put their battle shell on, securing it.

They released the spider arms and made their way to the door (after tucking in the plesiosaur plush, of course).

The kitchen light was on when they got there, which wasn't surprising as the others tended to forget to turn them off after getting snacks.

Donnies hands shook slightly as they took out a glass from the cupboard, then the cordial from thr cupboard below it. The shaking persisted as they made their drink and put the cordial away. Thry took a sip. Then another. Then downed the whole thing. They hadn't realised just how thirsty they were.

They left the glass in the sink, far too exhausted to wash it right now.

Since Papa's room was closest, they decided to check on hin first, then Raph, then Mikey, and then check on Leo & Shelly at the other end.

Their dad always left his door open at night so that he could hear his children and they could hear him. Donnie stuck their head through the door and listened out for a moment, some of the tightness in their chest dissipating as they heard him snore. They didn't feel the need to check any further and turned to their next destination.

As they approaced Raph's room, they could already hear her snoring, but decided to go in and check on her anyway. Walking further in, they saw that Raph had dropped a couple of her stuffed animals in her sleep, and took moment to put them back properly.

Pulling the blanket over her a little more, they gently stroked the side of her head with their thumb, snoothing out the creases in her brow. Once Raph had settled down and started to smile slightly, Donnie got up and made their way out of the room and towards Mikeys, feeling lighter than before.

Mikey was a very quiet sleeper, so Donnie couldn't hear anything outside of his room.

Making their way in, Donnie made sure to tidy Mikeys desk whilst still leaving everything out and in view so he didnt forget about anything.

Mikey was sound asleep in his bed, completely sprawled out with the blanket tied up in ways Donnie wasnt sure they could do if they tried. Nevertheless, they managed to free Mikey from the blanket without waking him – thank you extra arms – and lay it over him instead so he didn't get cold.

They stayed for a moment longer, just watching him breathe, until they felt secure enough to leave him alone. It was truly incredible how much calmer they felt now compared to when they first got up.

Donnie, Leo, and Shelldon all had rooms on the opposite side of the layer, with theirs on the end closest to their lab, and Shelldons between them and Leo.

Leos room was on that side because of twin reasons. As much as they loved to make fun of eachother and get in dumb fights, they really were part of eachother. If either one needed any sort of comfort or help, the other – no matter how angry they may be, will always be there for them. They understood eachother like nobody else. And they will do anything to keep it that way.

Gently pushing open the door to Leos room, they made their way over to his bed. Leaving the haphazardly stacked comic books just the way he likes them. From the looks of it, Leo had fallen asleep on his phone, so Donnie made sure to put it on charge, gently removing Leos mask and fixing his blanket. But Leo was a much lighter sleeper than everyone else, and opened his eyes, blinking a few times before letting out a scratchy "Tello?"

Shit.

"Yeah, its me, Lee, sorry for waking you Ill-"

They were cut off by Leo gently grabbing the sides of their face, his face scrunching up in concern, " 'v you been crying?"

They cringed. Ah. Right. They didnt wash their eyeliner off. God they probably looked like such a mess right now. "Yeah, im- im- im okay now though. Go back to sleep."

Leo grabbed their hand and pulled gently, clearly inviting them to join him.

"Sigh. Alright, fine, but I have to go check on Shelldon first, ill be right back. Promise." They gave Leo a kiss on the head and stood to leave after he nodded.

Well, they were spending the night in Leos room now, they supposed. They were grateful for it to be honest, they didnt really want to be on their own right now.

As they entered Shelldon's room and saw the droid charging, they felt the last (biggest) bit of their anxiety melt away and they were so releived they could cry.

They quickly made their way to his bedside, lowering themself to kneel next to him.

Then they did start crying. He was there. Their son. Their baby. Safe and comfortable and alive. They gently caressed his face and neck, careful not to wake him. Leaning over, Donnie gently kissed him on the top of his head. He's right there. And he's okay.

Donnie stayed there for a few minutes, just watching him. They wanted desperately to hold him. To take him in their arms and never let go. To make sure nothing can never harm him ever again. But they didnt want to wake him.

Soon enough, they felt almost all of their anxiety leaving them, so they left back to Leos room.

When they got back, Leo wasnt asleep, and was clearly trying very hard to stay that way.

Donnie sat down on the edge of his bed where Leo cleared the blankets for them. They took their battle shell off very carefully so they didnt hit Leo and placed it next to the bed. Then they took their glasses off and put them on the bedside table before moving themself to lie next to Leo, resting their head on his bicep and wrapping their arms around him. "G'night. Love you." Leo managed to get out before immediately passing out. "Night Leo, I love you too." Donnie replied, feeling warm and safe and secure for the first time that night before they joined their beloved twin in sleep.

reblogs > likes

[thesilenceshh]

Random idea time. So in the post game of pokemon mystery dungeon EO[S/D/T], we get Darkrai as the big bad who was the mastermind behind stuff, but unfortunately never got any backstory of why the hell he's doing this, just that he's doing this so he can have a world of darkness and all that, which is odd since in other stuff he's is told to be more of a neutral or good character then pure evil. Because of this a lot of people have made up interpretations of Darkrai's backstory, so my brain came up with an idea.

Primal Darkrai

Pretty much my idea of this: Darkrai's powers are a too unstable and powerful for him and his body to be able to control, but Cresselia (in this universe) didn't think that he literally couldn't control, that he must not be trying hard enough, it didn't make sense to her since her powers are perfectly fine and most other legendaries' powers too and that Arceus wouldn't have made that mistake. One day Cresselia came up with a plan, which entails that she lies, not usually doing so, but going on, the plan is to keep Darkrai away from others till he gets his powers under control, no one would get hurt and get nightmares, definitely endless ones, and he could focus on controlling his powers. She trusts Darkrai to watch over a time gear, telling him and other certain pokemon have been tasked with keeping the time gears safe just in case someone tries using them for their own gain. Darkrai trusts her since she is his counterpart and one of the few who cares for him and is not afraid of him after all, plus at least he gets to be useful for once, right? So he stays on an island (NewMoon Island) with the time gear, protecting it. Cresselia visits around every other day, talking to him, bringing him something, trying and failing to teach him to control his powers even though he has stated he can't, and stuff like that. But over time visits become longer and longer till she finally stops, getting distracted by other things and slowly forgetting to.

This is where the primal idea comes in: Darkrai would notice that Cresselia's visits are becoming longer apart, but he shrugs it off to just her being busy with stuff from the outside, but doubt and suspicion slowly build up overtime. These feelings seemingly don't do much at first, but the time gear Darkrai's watch over would start to slowly gather them up. Darkrai's feelings would build up as time passes, definitely after Cresselia stopped coming by completely, till one day he decides to leave the island and investigate, only to find that the other gears are still at the tower and that he was the only one protecting a time gear (at the time), quickly realized Cresselia had lied to him, that he's been slowly going crazy on a island for no reason, the small bit of hope remaining shattering. He goes back to the island, the only place he knew to go at the time, most places despising his existence. He was feeling so much at the time, hatred, sadness, fear, betrayal, not even noticing at first that the time gear was cracking under the pressure of absorbing too much emotions overtime, the sounds of it shattering was coming from behind him, releasing the pure raw power and emotions that it had inside of it in a sudden wave that struck Darkrai. He accidentally absorbs it when it strikes him, causing his already unstable powers to skyrocket and his mind to scatter, causing him to go primal. His mind only running on instincts, power, and emotion forms an idea, to spread nightmares and trap every single pokemon inside them. And if he is at his most powerful on nights, definitely nights of new moons, wouldn't an endless night help him to achieving his goal?

And that my idea of a PMD Darkrai with a actual reason of doing evil stuff, and also a idea of a primal Darkrai. I thought of this like 2 days ago and also kinda bad at making fully flesh out ideas so sorry if this sucks. If you also had a idea of primal Darkrai or have a idea on my version of a primal Darkrai, tell me, I would love to know other people's interpretations!

Also fun fact: Primal Dialga is actually dark Dialga in Japan, and if Darkrai's name is technically just Darkdark since its made up from the word dark in Japanese, Kurai, that would mean Primal Darkrai it Dark Darkdark

[tuiyla]

btw, do you already dislike Xander? I'm kinda hoping you're going to start writing rants about how much he sucks lmao, but tbf his worst moments are yet to come. I also hope you'll end up hating another male character that most people love, much to my chagrin.

Alright! No more letting this ask sit. Anon, I hope you're around and doing well because we're finally gonna talk about Xander Harris.

I wanted to answer this at different points during my Buffy journey and now, towards the end of season 5, I have to say that... Xander's fine. I totally get where your hope comes from, my notorious Finn posts and all and though I'll get into aspects of Xander I dislike in a moment, I'm afraid I can't be the manhater you need on this occasion. From what I've seen though he's not that well-loved? In my limited experience anyway. So the Finn Hudson effect doesn't apply in that sense, either.

Where I would be frustrated with Xander in similar ways I am about Finn's ch is that sometimes he is framed in an annoying way. He never gets even just called out for lying to Buffy at the end of season 2 or acting like a major asshole in 3x02. All the Scoobies are coming at Buffy there, sure, but none with such vehemence and in such a self-righteous way. Self-righteous hypocrites really piss me off. Had I answered this at the start of season 3 I probably would have been much harsher on Xander than I'm gonna be now. His Angel hatred was so irrational and not worthy of an "I told you so" upon Angelus' turn and it's irritating how entitled he is to Buffy's decisions. Not to mention, I don't care if him sulking about Buffy's rejection is realistic teen boy behaviour, it's tedious and embarrassing. She made it clear that she was not interested and Xander was such an ass about it. His crush on Buffy was a pain to get through and frankly, I don't think Xander deserved either of the girls he's been with since. Cordelia most definitely not and I think Anya deserves better, too, because she's genuinely devoted whereas it really feels like Xander's with her just because it's convenient for him.

His latest really, really annoying moment was his Riley speech to Buffy but honestly I'm just so glad Riley's gone so I'm gonna swiftly move past that. Whatever, Xander tried helping Buffy and luckily she was too late to act on his advice. What stupid advice, anyway, as if Riley was one in a million. Hon, he was literally the 999,999 in a million.

And I said I wouldn't go hard on the guy, huh? Lmao well that was pretty much the list of my grievances. In general? Xander's... fine. He's not gonna be my favourite Scooby in any scenario, no way, but I think since mid-season 3 he's been a lot more tolerable and even enjoyable on occasion. He does feel sort of useless at times but that's acknowledged and a part of his journey so I appreciate that. I don't fully buy into him being the Heart of the group as that position is something that I hold precious, see Katara in ATLA. And no way Xander can even touch what someone like Katara represents within her group dynamic. But I also see that being the Heart is mostly about courage here, loyalty, and as much as he makes mistakes I gotta give Xander that.

Even in that interpretation I struggle with the guy because a) he does have these icky sexist moments that are just not funny and they're meant to be and b) he's not... that full of heart. I just think pettiness gets in the way too often and, compared to someone like Willow's flaws his are more annoying and in general, more. He's not quite the Nice Guy syndrome because he is general a genuinely good friend to Buffy and the others but I wish he wasn't such a teen boy. Or, if he was, cause ya know they unfortunately do exist, that he was framed just a little more critically. I get that that's too much to ask of Whedon's late 90s feminism but it would make Xander an easier character to vibe with. I mean, I'm guessing there must be a reason I had zero idea about his existence prior to watching the show but had a vague idea of most other Scoobies. I knew so many things about Willow and was aware of chs like Oz, Cordy and Tara, but I was half-expecting Xander to only last a season or two. Because surely, if he was there for the whole show I would have heard people talk about him already.

So, yeah, it might not sound like it because I more so talked about the negatives than positives but I don't hate Xander by any means. He's not frustrating enough to be loathed or ranted about but he's also not nearly engaging enough to be on the level of the other Scoobies. He has his moments, though, and more often than not I find myself enjoying Xander-centric episodes. Soooo... is that anything? I hope I don't disappoint but now that I'm at the end of season 5 maybe you can share more about your Xander thoughts, I'd be happy to listen.

[my-coven-is-claudia]

elaborating on this cuz i can

laurance's slow decent into becoming such a possessive dickhead throughout season 2 is actually so painful to watch. this arc mirrors the story described in vampire,, one of a boy taking advantage of and lying to the singer,, ultimately leaving her scarred for life.

although laurance has good intentions throughout season 2 he continually becomes more and more possessive over aphmau,, becoming suspicious of her relationship with aaron. practically any man she interacts with he views as a threat. this is the most evident when he lashes out during the werewolf wedding just as aphmau is about to be married off to fenrir. laurance literally admits that he massacred everyone and killed the chief out of jealousy.

Just what you wanted Look at you, cool guy, you got it

he claims he only exists to serve aphmau but his actions seem to betray this. his mask of a suave,, casanova hides the insecure man hiding underneath,, being merely a farce.

'Cause l've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine

laurance never truly faces consequences for his actions at the werewolf wedding,, the responsibility being passed onto aphmau despite her doing nothing wrong. furthermore,, laurance doesn't seem to even regret his actions and doesn't learn anything from his mistakes. whilst aphmau rips herself apart desperately trying to be a good leader,, laurance repeatedly acts impulsive without thought or reason (e.g. attacking travis once everyone discovers the demon warlock is his father).

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart

laurance proclaims his love for aphmau again and again but like i stated earlier,, his actions (especially in the latter half of season 2) don't seem to line up with that. after aaron's death he ruthlessly interrogates her about the nature of their relationship,, not caring for the fact that she's actively grieving. instead of acting as someone she can lean on,, he becomes someone who only brings her more pain.

Bleedin' me dry like a goddamn vampire

by the end of the season,, aphmau is worried sick for laurance's well being and is so drained by his actions. he sucks up her happiness and eventually leaves her in the dust,, permanently abandoning phoenix drop and by extension - her.