#he looks so funky even as a kid

[mayo-productions]

good evening tumblr (it's literally midnight..)

I'm back in the Miguel trenches and I just saw this and I just about fell to the floor in tears because this is literally what's gonna happen to Mateo..

(incoming nonsense rant in tags, sighh)

[dibbs-n-scribbs]

Made an extremely self-indulgent meme after I saw someone make one in the Columbo tags earlier today 😭

[dcxdpdabbles]

DCxDP fanfic idea: Damian's (not) real friend

Based on the results of this poll post.

Bruce knew kids made imaginary friends as part of their development. He had done plenty of research on the topic long before taking in Dick. Over the years, as his children grew in numbers, so did his research on proper developmental milestones.

Typically, children create imaginary friends from the ages of six to nine. But that did not mean they had to give them up even if they were in their teens.

So yes, he knew kids could have imaginary friends of any age, but seeing Damian develop one was slightly shocking. It might have been due to his upbringing that Damian hadn't had one or had chosen not to speak of his buddy until he knew he was safe.

Knowing his son felt secure enough in his household to do so filled his heart with joy. Bruce kept an eye on Damian since he brought up his new friend, Daniel. He was glad his son had finally made a friend in his school that it took a few days to notice Damian never brought up Daniel unless someone else did.

When Tim asked him about his friend- claiming to have spotted Damian sitting by himself at lunchtime after his youngest had told everyone he had lunched with Daniel- the boy had waved his concerns away.

That's when Bruce learned Daniel was not a little kid at Damian's school but rather an imaginary friend.

More specifically, he learned that Daniel could not be photographed or recorded. He simply would not appear on cameras or in auto recordings. Damian didn't seem to find any of that odd, nor take into account that, as Batman and Co., they had the means to pick up some trace of something being there.

After all, they had machines that could indicate a Speedster messing with the timeline! But no, Damian insisted that Daniel simply could not be recorded.

Apparently, Damian checked.

Now Bruce knew that an imaginary friend only became a concern when the child seemed frightened by it; it encourages harmful or destructive behavior; it rapidly changes the child's typical behavior, and the child blames it for all harmful or dangerous behavior or if it disrupts the child's ability to socially interact with others.

Daniel didn't seem to frighten Damian, nor did it encourage bad behavior in his son. But it certainly got in the way of Damian making real friends, and his son's behavior changed, even if he grumbled good naturally about it.

Daniel pestered Damian to join him in exploring Gotham to find, and Bruce quotes, "Secret spots for getting down in funky town."

Damian had videos of himself break dancing in abandoned subways, ballroom dancing with the air in an abandoned firehouse, and the oddest of all, disco in an underpass where he seemed to be making faces at the area around his left shoulder. He never posted them, claiming that Daniel just wanted them for themselves.

Bruce was mildly alarmed. He brought it up with the rest of his children, who all reported similar tales of Daniel.

Tim had noticed Damian recording songs in his room- his son had inherited the Wayne vocal cords. They were all blessed singers- claiming that Daniel had written and composed the music but had wanted Damian to record it since he couldn't. They would be using it in one of their videos.

Jason brought up the fact he had seen Damian make a collage covered in nothing but pictures of himself and the Gotham landscapes. Damian had spent nearly seven hours cutting, gluing, and organizing the postal board that he hung up.

Dick's report, however, was the most alarming. He had seen a photo booth strip Damian carried at all times. It supposedly held Daniel, but all he saw was an empty booth. This, coupled with the heart-shaped frame of some underpass, of an empty wall that Damian lovingly placed on his desk, could only mean one thing.

"Damian is infatuated with his imaginary friend." He said, voice heavy in concern as his children gave each other wary looks. "Damian is fully convinced Daniel is real and, likely, is treating him as a boyfriend rather than a best friend."

"Want me to talk to him? I can get him to agree to introduce me to his....boyfriend." Steph volunteers while stepping forward. "There were some cases at the homeless shelter Duke and I volunteer at where I needed to convince some kids to introduce me to their imaginary friends."

"That could work. Besides Dick, you have the closest relationship with Damian," Duke agrees. He is staring at the videos of Damian dipping someone that wasn't there, jaw tense. It likely reminded him of his parents. "It is better to send you in just because Damian may not be ready to talk to Dick about crushes."

"I'll set up some closer monitoring around Damian," Babs offers, nodding at Tim, who was already hacking into the boy's school cameras. She had sent him a private message to get started on that the second she heard Dick's report. She was busy hacking into the city's system of Damian's usual routes when going into the city. "If someone caused him to develop Daniel, I want to be sure we stop it."

"And I'll be sure to make them pay," Jason hissed, punching his fist as Cass twirled a blade at his side, nodding in agreement. She hasn't said much, but everyone could see the anger and concern for the youngest in her eyes. Apparently, she had been able to tell through Damian's body language he had developed a crush on Daniel but had not picked up on the fact he wasn't real.

To Damian, he was, so when she read his body language, she thought he was, too.

Alfred speaks up, his voice even despite the slight tremble in his folded hands on the conference table. "We also have to consider the possibility of instituting Damian. Something like this does not dub well for Master Damian's ability in the field. Civilian or Cape."

His words send a cold chill down everyone's backs. It was like the air itself was holding its breath as they turned to look at Bruce, waiting for his call. Bruce had his face in his hands, shoulders shaking in silent tears, but he nodded. "Dami needs help"

Dick stumbled back into his chair, looking like his father had just punched him in the gut. Tim's fingers paused over the keys, eyes hazy and lips tight. Cass' knife stabbed the table, grip knuckle white while Jason swore up a storm, slamming a fist down.

Steph, Duke, and Babs remained in their spot, but their faces had angry frowns. Bitter that they could do no more as they glared into the air around them. The three had always been more silent rage than the rest, the kind that forced the air around them when the rest of the Bats burned in it.

"We have to-" Bruce's words get cut off by the Cave communication bell. The camera on the Batcomputer turns on, displaying Damian in a rather fetching streetwear outfit.

"Hello, Father." He said calmly, aiming the camera so they could see he was inside a stale bathroom. "I am calling to ask permission to invite Daniel to dinner at the Manor. We were going to get some pizza after our latest dancing video, but the one Daniel adores was closed for construction, and it's getting rather late for other places. Daniel lives in the bad side of town, so his sister would rather he not be out too late."

Oh gods, Daniel had a sister now? One that limited Damian's movements?

"Of course, son," Bruce heard himself say. A heavy lump developed in his throat as a broad, pleased smile spread across his child's face. Bruce is no stranger to heartbreak, but he felt it cracking as Damian reminded him that Daniel was a civilian, so they needed to ensure that vigilante things were out of sight. "That sounds fine, Dami. We will be waiting for you both."

"We?"

"Your siblings want to meet Daniel." Bruce clarifies, looking around the table of his children, who look back at Damian with pity. "Don't you?"

Dick presses a hand against his mouth, nodding his head. "We sure do. Heard so much about Daniel, it would be a shame not to."

"Very well." Damian yields after some thought. "We shall be home in an hour. Alfred, could you make some meat lasagna? That's Daniel's favorite food."

"It's making him ask for meat." Jason curses under her breath "on top of everything else?"

Thankfully, it's too soft for Damian to hear, so Alfred speaks up. "Of course,e Master Damian."

"Replace the béchamel sauce with layers of cheese, please." Damian requests, smile turning a bit soft and gooey. "Daniel prefers it that way."

"Right away, sir."

The call ends, and the cave erupts into noise. Bruce springs to his feet, shouting out orders. They will think of what to do now that Damian has introduced them to Daniel.

Multiple JusticeLeague-approved therapists are called, Black Carnary is on speed dial for any help they may need, and the kids brush up on their mental illness assistant packages. They don't plan on confronting Damian tonight about it, but they will carefully prob to see what exactly Daniel and his sister make Damian do.

____________________________________________________________

Alfred's face spams an hour late as he watches the front gate security cameras. Master Damian arrives in an Uber, holding the door open and offering his hand to the air as if attempting to help someone get out of the vehicle. The boy waves away the driver, then keeps his hand wrapped around nothing as he strides to the Manor in sure steps.

Alfred doesn't have the auto on, but he can tell by the movement of Master Damian's lips that he is speaking to it.

Alfred moves to the front door, fixing his vest to gather courage before opening the door, a calm Welcome home, Master Damian on his lips.

Only to choke on his spite at the sight of another young boy the same age as Master Damian standing right where Daniel should be. He even has his fingers interlocked with Master Damian.

"Alfred, this is Daniel Fenton. Daniel, this is my family butler, Alfred Pennyworth."

"You're real," Alfred breathes, staring wide-eyed at the boy who offers him a wave. It's such a whiplash from the emotional turmoil of this afternoon that he forgets himself and his manners as he gawks at the child.

"Um, I sure am?" Daniel, for his part, looks a little uneasy, which prompts Master Damian to step in front of him, shielding him with his body. His green eyes are blazing with slight protective rage.

"I did not see you in the camera...." He hears himself say as if that was justification for his reaction.

Master Domain's shoulders relax. "Yes, Daniel does not appear on any form of record. It happens. Come, Daniel, I'll show you my room while dinner is made."

"Cool. Can we practice some new moves, too? I really want to get the choreography for our new song down."

"Of course."

Alfred steps back, allowing the children to walk inside, climb up the stairs, and vanish from sight. He fumbles for his phone, knowing he has to report this before Master Bruce and the other children make fools of themselves.

Goodness, he didn't even start on the meat lasagna. He didn't think he was actually going to feed someone.

[mokkagren]

Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me" 'Cause he spent so much time on them and for me, he got lazy?

me when i pick an incredibly depressed and absolutely destroyed by life character as my fav/comfort character and the moment i draw them i feel the need to explode because i can only handle so much angst (it's not even that much)

anyway ummmm not much about this drawing, i kinda drew it bc i had a very sudden idea something about embracing your inner child

i also needed to draw someone hugging someone else as some form of comfort for myself idkk

also ignore that the anatomy is really really funky you'd think that after 8 years i'd know how anatomy works but low behold i'm still terrible at it :"D (also i don't understand the proportions of an 8 year old so kid stan ended up looking a little older than he's supposed to be but eh)

[timmydraker]

Tim who does crochet.

It’s Dick who is given the first gift, long before Tim is Robin and even before he knows who Robin is.

It was simply because he was a kind kid who had been there to witness something horrible and wanted to comfort the poor boy he saw sobbing off two lost loved ones.

Little Tim walked up to Dick with the crochet elephant that was admittedly a little funky looking and held it up to him without making eye contact. He had hidden the small plushie from his parents lest they disapprove of his hobby, just like they did with drawing and skating.

Dick had beamed happily and held onto the toy, saying it was so cute and how Tim should be so happy to have it.

Tim had frowned and shook his head, “It’s for you, Mister Grayson. It’s Tifa.”

Never had Tim seen someone so in awe of his creation as he did in that moment and it made him beam just like Dick had been.

Once Dick took the little elephant into his hands Tim had bolted away.

Bruce was next, being gifted a big fluffy jumper on his first birthday after loosing Jason. It was a soft, light green with too long sleeves that went over his ass. It was big, far too big, and thick enough that it might even be too hot in autumn.

He didn’t wear it for a while, mainly because he ignored the big wrapped present Tim had left in his room out of guilt and shame and even a little frustration.

When he opened it up he put it on and promptly broke down, finding the feeling more similar to a hug than he thought something non-hug could get.

He wore it in front of Tim once to show he appreciated it and then wore it whenever he was injured.

Steph got a few things, mainly tops and one big blanket that he gave her after they reconnected when she came back. It had been his way of saying he forgave her and wanted to be her friend again without using words.

Cass got a big poncho with a hood that was rainbow, bright and loud while still capable of hiding her when she felt she couldn’t be seen.

It took a long time for him to make Jason anything after he came back. When he did, him and Tim avoided each other for over a year until Tim overheard Alfred talking to Bruce about how sad it was to not see his two bright boys getting along.

Alfred had been pouring tea with the pot he made a kettle warmer snug with Lilly of the Vally on it when he said it.

So, Tim had searched through his old photos of Jason’s Robin and made himself recall those old ideals and awe. He made himself remember what Jason also had ripped from him and, while it wouldn’t change or excuse how Jason had brutalised him, it made him understand him more.

He decided that instead of joining to Jason and having a heart to heart, that he should do what all bats did and start off without saying a thing.

He makes Jason a blanket that took him over a month of a floral book cover of Jane Ire.

Tim was relived when it was done and simply left it laid out on Jason’s bed in his latest hideout with a note that said,

“I know little about Jane Ire, maybe you could tell me about it sometime?

~ Tim. D.”

Jason had sent him a text a day later to say he could send him a copy with his annotations if he wanted.

It wasn’t long after Tim had read the book, taking twice as long with all the notes Jason had left in it, that he was then left to make something for Damian.

Naturally, he didn’t want to at first.

Also naturally, he got bored and wanted to make another animal after seeing Tifa again. She was cute, but a little munted with age.

He took one look at Titus and promptly made a plan to create him with crochet. He wanted to give it to Bruce after he was done, but he’s only an asshole when he finds it entertaining.

At heart, he’s a kind boy, so he gives it to Damian.

When he gets an actual, verbal thank you from the new Robin, he makes Alfred the Cat and Ace, then finally Bat-cow and Goliath.

The best thing he’s made, according to Duke, is Signals first ever fan made merch that he wears nearly all the time.

Kate says that wrong because the leg warmers he made for winter patrols have apparently saved her life.

Salina would say it’s actually the cat pawed mittens he made her when he was twelve and never told Bruce about.

[cosmic-dust-poltergeist]

Pt3 of forever teen Danny adopting JJ Tim AND Red Hood Jason.

[Pt2: Here] [Pt 4: here]

Jason had absolutely no idea what he was looking at. Talia's information was apparently out of date when she sent him back here. There's a tiny vigilante version of Joker talking to the air on a rooftop in Crime Alley that wasn't in any of her reports. The whispers on the street call the kid Poltergeist, and he's apparently a chaotic good character and used to be Robin #3 before a run-in with the Joker turned him into the loony he sees before him. Jason is pissed Bruce let a second kid fall into that monster's hands.

And despite Jason searching, he hasn't found anything on the guy that supposedly saved the kid from Joker. Harley is still fucked up from seeing this Phantom guy kill her "Puddin'", but considering she helped fuck this kid up, Jason has no sympathy.

"Shit!" Jason ducks for cover when the kid suddenly snaps his head over to him. When Jason looks back, the kid isn't there anymore. "Double shit."

"Why have you been watching me?" Is asked from behind him. Jason will deny the yelp and jolt if anyone asks, but he totally did as he whips around, finding the kid perched on the building's roof access. There should be no way he got there that fast (is the kid a meta?). He has his head tilted like a curious puppy, the dark purple lipstick smeared over his lips and facial scars not hiding his little little frown. "Who are you, anyways, Mr. Tank?"

"I just wanted to check out the new player." Jason is glad his helmet disguises his voice, it masks some of his awkwardness.

The kid pouts, "I've been around 3 years if you count my year as Robin, that's not very new. If anything, you're the new player, Mr. Hood."

So the kid does know who he is? "Yeah, well, I've been outside of Gotham for those 3 years. You're new to me."

"Hmm, you couldn't have been Red Hood before you left." A second teenager's voice says from just to the left of Poltergeist, startling Jason. An unearthly looking 14(?) year old fades into view. The kid(?) is floating, answering the question of how Poltergeist got to where he is without Jason noticing. "Your ectoplasum is funky, my guy. How long have you been an Revenant?"

"A what?" The helmet can't mask how baffled he is.

"Yeah! Yeah! What's a Revenant, Dad!?" Poltergeist excitedly asks the other kid(?). The (not)kid's obviously not human, so Jason is obviously an idiot for assuming. Guy looks like a kid, but doesn't have the vibe of a kid. And he gets the vibe Poltergeist is call this guy "Dad" in a 100% "this is my father" way and not the weird "I call my sexual partner Daddy" thing that cropped up while Jason was without internet access.

"A Revenant is an undead that had a violent death and had a need to avenge themselves so desperate they rebound their soul to their body." The unknown explains, then seems to stare into Jason's soul. "Something is off about your ectoplasm, though. You should really get that looked at."

"Looked at by who?" Jason asks warily, "Who even are you?"

"Ah, I'm Phantom. Friendly neighborhood dead guy." Phantom fucking finger guns, what even is Jason's life? "And if you're asking that, I can only assume you've never been to the Infinite Realms."

"The where??"

"A dimension that runs parallel to this one. It's the dimension of the dead, undead, and neverbornes. It's very green." Phantom explains. "They'd have more knowledge on how to fix you the best, but I currently don't have easy access to it and don't know where you could. Good news! I'm pretty sure if I give you my own ectoplasm while slowly removing the fucked up bits of yours, it'd straight itself out. The unfortunately side effect is you'd be considered my kid in the eyes of the Realms and I'd want to know who the fuck you are before either of us commit to that."

"It'd fix the pit rage?" Jason asks in a daze. He's killed more people than he ever wanted because of the blackout rage he gets sent into.

""Pit rage"?" Phantom is staring into his soul again.

"I get so angry I blackout and can't truly tell you what I did during the, usually, hours I'm lost to it." Jason explains, "It's how I got on B's radar before I meant to."

Poltergeist is now creepily staring at him. Kid really is mimicking his dad.

"Yeah, no, that's not normal." Phantom scrunches his face in thought. "Rage is normal for a Revenant, it comes with the territory, but blackout rage isn't..."

Phantom looks over to Poltergeist, "How do you feel about a sibling?"

Poltergeist hasn't stopped his staring. It's freaking Jason out. Even more so when the kid starts cackling in delight. It sounds Joker-like. Which is fair given what Jason heard about how the kid became this way.

"I know who You Are Revenant ~!" Poltergeist sings. Making Jason freeze, because seriously??? The Bats haven't figured it out, but this kid in one meeting did???

"Oh?" Phantom asks fondly.

"He's the second Robin!" Poltergeist crows. "You definitely have my permission! How could I refuse the best Robin being my brother??"

"Wha-how-what the fuck, kid?" Jason sputters.

"You thought I wouldn't recognize you?" Poltergeist grins manically. "I stalked you and the B-man every chance I got before you died! I know you! Batsy was a fool to let you go!"

"You what now?" Jason doesn't know how many existential crisises he can handle in one conversation.

"I had a baby stalker phase!" Poltergeist admits happily before turning to Phantom, "Does being a vigilante mean I'm still a stalker?"

Phantom seems to genuinely think about it before answering, "I think you have to be to be a Gotham vigilante. Just try not to let it branch out to other areas in life. Normal people, and probably normal heroes and vigilantes, would probably get scared off."

"Jazz already told me." Poltergeist whines and flops over. Jason can now only see his feet. "Normal people are boring anyways."

Phantom just shakes his head fondly before looking back at Jason. "I'll let you think on it. We'll be around."

And with that, Phantom scoops up Poltergeist and turns them both invisible. Poltergeist's shriek of "Ta Ta!" and happy cackles echo in a way that means Phantom is flying them away.

Jason doesn't need to think on it, but he appreciates the thought.

He heads to his nearest safe house and starts researching up a storm on the supernatural to at least have a baseline on what he (and Phantom possibly) are. He takes a lot of the info with a grain of salt, though. He'll have lots to ask when he meets up with his potential new family. Who needs the Bats anyways? B told him he wasn't his father before he died, why should that change now that he died and came back? Nah, B will just be mad he's a crimelord. Phantom and Poltergeist don't seem to mind at all.

Yeah, he's joining their weirdass family. Maybe he should add a symbol or something green to his vigilante get up to declare it? He'll decide after he talks to them. Phantom might have a family crest or something.

[rotagnus]

what kind of a father/husband will/would he be? fs/person of interest reading.

pick a pile from the first row for what kind of a husband he will be.

pick a pile from the second row for what kind of a father he will be.

you can choose different piles from each row. if two number 1s align with you, f.e, that is fine as well.

pile 1.

this man will do anything to give you the world. he'll probably be more of a blue-collar worker. you might come from countries that are more traditional and place a high value on culture. something about him will remind you of your childhood--maybe the dreams you had of marrying someone like him, maybe the hope and childlike view of the world you had. i think that you'll probably have a strong relationship with him because he'd be there for you when nobody else was. he may come with the same culture/childhood as you, too. you guys understand each other very well. he probably wants children, not too much, but he may have been an only child/younger child who wasn't exactly supported, and he wants to give his kids the childhood he didn't get. he may be away for his job, but you're his world, and he would always check up on you.

pile 2.

oou he's gonna adore you! i think he's gonna be working in a more technological field...computer sci or maybe some kind of stay-at-home work. he's probably more modern in his views unlike pile 1, and he's gonna shower you with compliments and gifts--he may not have come from a place of acquired wealth, and he saw how hard his parents worked to give him a good childhood. he has a deep appreciation for hard workers, and he admires you for how hard you work. you hustle!! he treats you like a queen. i think you guys are the kind of couple who visit friends on the weekend--you don't let the adult life stop you from being happy. with him, you'll feel free; you will never be a caged bird.

pile 3.

you're gonna have a good family. i think you'll probably have kids, and this man might want them even if you don't, so that might be something you guys clash about...if not, then yay! you guys will create a long, powerful family tree. every morning he's going to wake up and kiss your face. i think your husband is a very ambitious person and he gets what he wants, no complaining about it. he can be a bit arrogant, but you're able to contrast his bad qualities and he does the same to yours. he probably looks different than you--you guys may be from different cultures/areas of life, which may cause some trouble between your extended families, especially if they're narrow minded, so be careful of that...however, you guys will mesh together will. you might live in a city later on in your life.

---------------------------------- onto the paternal reading.

pile 1.

this father might be a little awkward around his kids--whether this means he doesn't spend a lot of time with them, or he just isn't a person who's exactly good with children, he's still gonna try. he ain't gonna be like your usual absent fathers, but he might need some encouragement. he may have had a funky childhood himself, and with your encouragement he'll help out. y'all may have had your kids early, which adds to this feeling. be careful not to get caught up in material things--he might want the best for your kids and spend all his time working because of it.

pile 2.

awww he's gonna be one of those silly dads who also cares a tremendous amount about his kids. he's a very vibrant person, and there's something youthful and childlike about him even though he's older. he gets along well with kids, so he's gonna be a good dad. fierce, protective too. he won't let anyone disrespect the kids or you. he'd pull the sun to the earth for his family--the true definition of a family man. you can rest assured that this family will be one that knows effort and knows good morals.

pile 3.

oouu this is a smart smart man. probably got good education, if not then he educated himself. he's a go-getter, and he inspires this quality to learn within your kids, too. he knows how important knowledge is, and he does his best to ingrain this quality in your children. however, due to his fears of the world, he may pass that to your children, so you guys may need to have a talk about that. other than that, he's very stable and he probably won't be the kind of man who would lash out. he may have some faith and pass it on to children, depending on what your faith is and what you guys think about it.

[maevedoodle]

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹જ⁀➴ 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤

You and Bob are left alone in the tower when the others go out to stock up on supplies before the storm.

𝐚/𝐧: everyone’s loving him right now, me included.

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

The rain had started sometime before noon.

The rain pattered against the tower windows without rhythm, you watched the droplets race, you even decided to bet on one. It dissolved in a quick second.

You shift your weight from one bare foot to the other on the cool floor. The oversized navy hoodie you’re wearing is soft from too many washes, sleeves pushed up to your elbows.

Underneath, white silk shorts cling gently to your thighs, barely brushing mid leg. A matching lace tank peeks out under the hoodie, thin straps, And delicate fabric.

The team had left about an hour ago to stock up before the storm came. Yelena had tossed on her rain coat on the way out, told you not to bother coming. Something about Bob needing company, about how “he won’t say it, but he hates being alone.”

Those exact words.

So they left him with you. You with him. You didn’t argue instead, stayed.

The kettle on the stove rattles gently as it warms. You pull two mugs from the cabinet, both heavy, both chipped. One’s covered in faded cartoon frogs wearing tiny sunglasses. The other’s a messy space theme, definitely hand painted with lopsided planets and weird little stars.

You had a thing for funky mugs. You’re the reason the tower’s stocked up with a bunch of them. Bucky complains about how it makes his coffee taste funny, but he uses the one you specifically bought for him every morning.

You’re about to pour the hot water into the two mugs, but then you hear the sound of soft footsteps.

Bob’s quiet when he walks, You picked up on that some time ago. He leans against the doorway without saying anything at first. His hair is damp, sticking a little to his forehead. He must’ve just took a shower.

He’s wearing loose black and gray plaid pajama pants and no shirt which is giving you the clear view of his abs. Your eyes glance over the large gash across his chest.

You blink once and look away, You weren’t subtle.

“What are you making?” He asks, his voice soft. Not tired, but gentle. Like it’s second nature to speak to you like this.

“Tea,” you say, lifting the kettle and carefully pouring it into the mugs. You grab a spoon and stir slow, grounding yourself in the motion.

Then, trying not to sound obvious, “You should put on a shirt or something. You’ll get sick.”

Bob doesn’t answer right away. You look up just in time to see him walk past the kitchen table, grab the old quilt tossed on the back of the couch, and wrap it around his shoulders like a makeshift robe.

“Close enough,” he says with an awkward grin on his face. You try not to smile, but you let it break. You hold up the frog mug and wait for him to take it.

He takes it with both hands, holding the funky mug like it’s a sacred vintage piece, then his footsteps patter towards the large table.

You wrap your hands around your own mug that’s warm, a little sticky from the honey and walk over to join him at the table.

He’s hunched over with the quilt still draped around his frame like a shield. His hair’s starting to curl slightly at the ends as it dries. He doesn’t say anything when you sit down across from him, just glances up once before looking back at his tea.

For a minute, there’s only the sound of the rain tapping against the windows and the quiet clink of your spoon against ceramic.

Then, without warning, he speaks and it’s meaningful. “When I was a kid,” he says slowly, like he didn’t mean to say it at all, “my mom used to say rain was good luck.”

You look up immediately joined in his talk.

“She’d let me sit out on the porch barefoot, even if it was cold. Just to listen to it. Said the world sounded softer in the rain.”

You don’t say anything, just smile a little. Bob almost never talks about his past. Not the good parts, anyway.

He takes a small sip from his mug, his eyes somewhere just beyond the window now.

“I liked that porch. Wood was all warped and creaky, but it smelled like cedar and motor oil.”

You watch the way his mouth curls at the edges. Not quite a smile, more like something trying to remember how.

The way his eyes lit up, and his hand movements when he’d talk.

He must feel your gaze on him because he stops mid sentence and grips his mug, “What?” He asks gently, “Nothing,” You cover your face in your hands embarrassed, him catching you admiring his childhood story.

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

The mugs are empty by the time you stand to wash them.

The water runs warm over your hands as you rinse out the last bits of honey and mint. Behind you, the tower’s quiet again just the low murmur of the fireplace crackling in the living room and the rain, still steady against the glass.

You don’t hear him get up, but you feel it when he shifts.

When you turn, Bob’s on the couch now, the quilt still wrapped around him. He doesn’t say anything just opens one side of it, arm held out in a silent offer.

You dry your hands on your hoodie, heart thudding in a way you pretend not to notice, and walk over.

He doesn’t move when you sit beside him. Just closes the blanket around both of you, careful not to crowd.

“You know,” he says suddenly, voice careful like he’s still deciding if he should say anything at all, “I like your funky mugs.”

You glance over, a little smile forming. He’s looking straight ahead.

“And the way chipped nail polish looks on you,” he adds, quieter now. “Like you were in the middle of something important and never stopped long enough to fix it, but truth is you wear the nail polish for weeks on end.”

You shift a little toward him, caught somewhere between surprised and seen. He doesn’t stop. “And how you forget the lyrics so you just hum the rest.”

You laugh softly under your breath. “That obvious, huh?” His mouth twitches like he might smile. He scoffs his voice going low out of being nervous, “I notice.”

“I didn’t think anyone noticed.”

“I did, I notice you, all the time and it’s kind of—” He places his finger on the bridge of his nose, he’s nervous. “It’s kind of hard not to.”

[666kuna]

Dilf! Sukuna would be one of those guys that defend women in danger+ would also be so bad at rizzing girls up that he just sounds desperate and pathetic[endearing]

“You’re the new teacher? I didn’t know they hired young girls these days. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you’d be the reason my son is getting his abc’s” he says as he looks at you up and down savoring every curve and line of your

You gave the parent a benefit of the doubt and took whatever he said as a compliment all while returning his “compliment” with an awkward chuckle.

“Thank you…”

“Say…if you come by my house and give some private lessons for him I’m more than capable to pay you more than the school does” he says smirking hiding the perversed meaning behind his shit request.

It’s the first time some weird parent tries to pull this type of behaviour on you the whole interaction leaves you in shock as you smile awkwardly trying to find the right words to respond and the patience to not punch him in the face. Your heart beats rapidly with your fists turning clammy and white from anxiety of not knowing what or how to respond to the fool of a parent.

“MISS Y/N I MISSED YOUUUUU” a familiar pink haired kid comes running as he gives you a hug. Shocked was an understatement by you were more than grateful for Yuuji to intervene.

“you know me and your teacher were having a conversation don’t your parents tell you that it’s rude to interrupt adults” The random parent says giving Yuuji a fake smile.

“Yeah? I’m the parent.” Sukuna says curtly with the most unamused expression known to man.

The male turns around to take a look at whoever the parent of the funky insolent child only to be greeted by a 6’5 fully tatted male who looked like he was more than capable to break his bones with just a simple flick. It also didn’t help the fact that Sukuna’s aura(lol) was more than threatening enough on its own without having to say a single word.

“I guess kids these days don’t learn enough manners I’ll take my leave for now” the inferior male says gulping as he puts up a front before scrunching up his face as he walks away.

Sukuna glares daggers at the stupid fool making sure he leaves the vicinity.

A huge breath of relief was let out as you kneeled down onto Yuuji’s height thanking him and his scarily hot dad for saving you from whatever the situation was.

“You guys have no idea how thankful i am, Yuuji you and your dad literally saved me”

“WE KNOWWWW, Hiro’s dad is a bit creepy” Yuuji says happily as he brings out a couple of souvenirs from his summer trip with his family to you before running into the building excitedly leaving you and his dad alone.

“Did he ask you if you for private lessons?” Sukuna asks with a smug smile

“Yes- what how did you know?!”

“He’s a douche and a weirdo he says that to every new teacher even the volunteers. I hope you’re okay after that interaction” Sukuna scoffs annoyed at the male’s behaviour. Knowing that Sukuna at his prime would’ve beaten the hell out of the weirdo for making women uncomfortable.

“I’m fine honestly I wish I could return the favour i don’t even know what i would’ve done if you and Yuuji didn’t come by” you say in a appreciative tone

Sukuna upon hearing this immediately takes the opportunity to ask you on something that has been on the back of his mind from the moment he laid eyes on you.

“You can return the favour by coming by my place for dinner I’ll cook, I can even pick you up just let me know when you’re free” he says in the spur of the moment not noticing he sounds like a desperate, desperate man.

You were so shocked at Sukuna’s abrupt response to the point you could literally feel the heat rising onto your cheeks making you smile sheepishly before bursting out in laughter.

“I didn’t think you would ask me that, but im free anytime on Saturday is it fine with you?”

“Saturday? Perfect” he says grinning as he sees you walking away he came to his senses realising he forgot to ask for your number

“You didn’t give me your number” he says from afar

It was your turn to leave him into the flustering mess. You smirked looking back at the giant of a male waiting for your response.

“I have yours don’t worry i’ll text you later” you say playfully.

It was true you do have his number. You’ve saved it from the moment he sent Yuuji on the first day.

Sukuna was lucky enough he didn’t have whatever his dad had cause frankly Sukuna would’ve probably gone into cardiac arrest with that statement alone. With that it is settled Yuuji will be sent off to Toji’s house for a sleepover while his dad gets straight to business.

Edit:not proofread was done when im literally ten secons awya from asleep i appoliguse for shit writing

[teapartyprincess4two]

Parenthood- C. Sturniolo

pairing: Mom!reader x Dad!Chris

classification: SFW & NSFW head cannons

inspiration: request

warnings: some 18+ content, use of y/n, established relationship, I didn’t name the children but Chris has 2 sons in this 👍🏻

summary: head cannons of Dad!Chris.

Parenthood- M. Sturniolo (Matt’s Version)

—

☆SFW

Fatherhood is something that scared Chris beyond belief, but when you broke the news to him he couldn’t contain his excitement. When your son was born, he fell in love immediately, and you both learned to navigate being parents. Then, when you were blessed with a second son, he was even happier.

☆ Chris cherishes every single memory, he’s really sappy about it all. He has a box full of pictures, baby socks, the wristbands from the hospital, everything.

☆ “Chris, some of this is trash,” you chuckle, filtering through the endless trinkets that all seemed to hold significance to him.

☆ “Our son’s first pair of socks isn’t trash, Y/n!” he snatches the box away from you, carefully placing everything back in.

☆ “Okay, but this dirty napkin?”

☆ “I wiped my tears with that. THANK YOU,” he snatches it from you, his sassy demeanor making you laugh.

☆ Chris loves spoiling his son, whether it be with toys and games, or with summer trips.

☆ He goes all out too, splurging on trips to Disney or to elaborate water parks, making sure to book the hotel and everything.

☆ “Babe, he’s 3. He won’t even remember this,” you chuckle, dragging luggage’s behind you.

☆ “Yes you will. Right, son?” Chris coos, bouncing the baby in his arms and blowing a raspberry into his neck. The baby giggles, the sound being music to Chris’s ears.

☆ The whole week it’s just you and Chris going on all the kiddy rides, snapping pictures of your son, and passing out back at the hotel.

☆ When you find out you’re pregnant with your second son, Chris does everything in his power to make your firstborn’s last months as an only child special.

☆ He takes him to the park, cuddles him to sleep every night, and showers that boy in so much love.

☆ Even though Chris is extremely high energy, being a working dad of two is very tiring.

☆ So, when the kids get older, he starts feeling comfortable taking ‘dad naps’ in random spots around the house.

☆ “Chris, babe, can you help me in here really quick?” you’re balancing a fussy baby on your hip, the other hand stirring whatever’s on the stove.

☆ You peer your head outside to see Chris knocked out on the hanging lounge chair. His chin rests on his chest, mouth open and arms crossed as small snores fall past his lips.

☆ Your oldest son holds a long piece of grass, tickling Chris’s nose with it. Your son whispers eerily,“Wake up daaaad. Wake uppppp.” You can’t help but giggle at the sight.

☆ Chris has successfully managed to cement his legacy as the ‘cool dad,’ or at least he thinks he has.

☆ He loves wearing funky graphic t-shirts when he’s chaperoning the kids, “I was young once too. I was the shit back then, kid.”

☆ Your oldest son just rolls his eyes playfully, but in reality he really looks up to Chris.

☆ Your youngest son loves dressing up like his dad, wearing his oversized t-shirts and beanies so big they fall past his eyes.

☆ “Look mom, I look like daddy!” he exclaims, accidentally tripping on the shirt as he runs towards you.

☆ Other times, Chris will throw on some sunglasses and try acting mysterious.

☆ The mysterious act doesn’t last long though, especially not when your youngest son cuddles up next to him for his afternoon nap or when your oldest starts asking for snack money.

☆ At family parties, Chris goes all out. He’s buying a bouncy house, cooking the burgers, renting an ice cream truck, and inviting all of his family.

☆ He loves playing games with his kids, usually forming teams and challenging them, “Alright me and Matt verses you two. Losers have to jump into the pool with their clothes on.”

☆ “Okay, but uncle Nick has to be on our team,” your oldest replies, fully confident in his ability to win his dad.

☆ Nick is then recruited, and surprisingly isn’t needed because your sons are completely obliterating Chris’s team.

☆ Chris isn’t a sore loser, it’s a trait he never wants to subconsciously pass down to his kids, so he’s jumping into the pool fully clothed as his kids watch in a fit of giggles.

☆ Laundry day is easily Chris’s most hated day, especially with two messy children.

☆ He’ll ‘help’ you fold clothes, which really means that he’s toying with the same shirt and flicking through Netflix.

☆ When the kids are asleep, you and Chris will treat yourself to some takeout because that’s the only time you can order food that the kids don’t usually like.

☆ You two are like little rats, hiding in the pantry munching before the kids hear you and wake up.

☆ One small creak and you’re both frantically hiding the food. “THEY’RE COMING!” he whisper shouts, but when no one opens the door you both fall into a fit of laughter at the dramatics.

☆ As your firstborn son gets older, he starts becoming snappy and somewhat rude, as teenagers often do.

☆ And although Chris doesn’t like reprimanding his kids for the smallest things, he can be stern when it’s necessary.

☆ “Watch your fucking mouth, kid. I don’t want to hear shit like that from you again. Go to bed.” Your son is hanging his head down and trudging to his room.

☆ “Don’t you think you were a little harsh on him?” you whisper, holding onto Chris’s arm gently.

☆ “My kids aren’t gonna be disrespectful, especially not to their momma,” he replies, but when he hears your son sniffling in his room the guilt begins chipping away at him.

☆ It doesn’t take Chris long after that to enter your sons room and engulf him in a hug, scolding him in a much softer manner that informs your son that what he did was still wrong, but also that Chris still loves him.

☆ Baseball, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, hockey, football; your sons are doing it all.

☆ Chris is in the stands, cheering so loud that his voice is hoarse by the end of the game. Even when his kid’s team doesn’t win, he’s still so incredibly proud of their performance.

☆ Chris reps the jerseys, attends the practices, and coaches his sons even when they’re at home, “Widen up your stance then throw!”

☆ Whenever there’s an opportunity to make his boys laugh, Chris is taking it.

☆ He picks them up from school wearing big, fake teeth while playing silly songs on the stereo.

☆ Your sons are never embarrassed, they just hold their sides and laugh uncontrollably, “Dad I’m gonna pee, stop!”

☆ He doesn’t spoil his kids, but he definitely buys them an unnecessary amount of things. It’s mostly harmless stuff like toys, games, and sugary snacks.

☆ “They don’t need any more toys, Chris,” you scold, struggling to make space for all of it.

☆ “We don’t need anything, Y/n,” he replies, his inner child going crazy.

☆NSFW

As parents, it can be hard for you and Chris to make time for each other. Your schedules are packed with school, practices, work, and the few free moments in between are used for household chores. But Chris always makes time for you no matter what.

☆ For the most part, you have to be sneaky. During birthday parties or family events, you take advantage of how distracted your kids are and sneak away into an empty room like teenagers.

☆ Your adrenaline is pumping, clumsy fingers undoing his belt as he kisses you feverishly.

☆ “We have to be quick,” you whisper, watching hungrily as he lines himself up with your entrance.

☆ He doesn’t respond, knees wobbling and his animalistic grunts filling the room as he pumps into you quickly.

☆ Chris doesn’t last long, which is slightly embarrassing, but the times you guys have sex are so few and far between that you can’t blame him.

☆ “Sorry,” he whimpers, pulling out and collapsing next to you. “Don’t be sorry,” you smirk, straddling his hips and getting yourself off as he becomes an overstimulated mess.

☆ On date night Chris books a night at a nearby hotel, dropping the kids off with his parents and telling you to get all dolled up.

☆ He dresses up too, meeting you at the hotel bar and flirting with you like it’s his first time meeting you.

☆ “Hey beautiful, come around here often?”

☆ You play along, the butterflies swarming in your stomach despite sharing an entire life with this man, “I do. Never seen a man as handsome as you here before, though.”

☆ A few champagne glasses later, you’re both giddily walking back to the hotel room and making love under the soft lamp light.

☆ Some random mornings, he wakes up fully bricked and no matter how hard he tries to will the erection away it just won’t subside.

☆ “Y/n, baby, are you awake?” he murmurs, pressing soft, sloppy kisses on your exposed shoulders.

☆ You stir awake, a soft yawn escaping your lips as you reply, “I’m awake.”

☆ He pulls you in closer, his erection pressing against the back of your thigh.

☆ “Need some help there?” you chuckle, immediately understanding his intentions. He hums in response, letting you take over as he watches in a lazy haze.

☆ “So beautiful,” he moans, hands caressing and massaging every inch of your body. You can’t help but blush, hiding yourself in the crook of his neck.

☆ “Look at me,” he instructs, he doesn’t want to miss out on a single thing.

☆ “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” his lips are latched to yours, an overwhelming feeling of love overtaking him as he blows his load inside of you.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n: meow 😋 dad Chris anyone? 🎤

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5 @lustfulslxt @whicked-hazlatwhore @tworosesblackthorn @mxqdii @fawned01 @junnniiieee07 @sturniolololover @missriddle03

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

[inupibaldspot]

Even 12 years laters,your soul was in a color of kindness.

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x Reader

Note ₊˚⊹♡ : purely self indulgent which I wrote when I was drunk so— some stuffs are funky

Gojo first met you when you where four.

He was five years old at that time too and was being escorted by a maid to go to the clan head meeting; he assumes you were also part of a clan brought by elders.

Normally, the white haired boy never really cared for other people. Why should he? He is the chosen one. He has the limitless technique plus the six eyes of the Gojo clan. He was the closest thing to God at this age. But today it was different.

He watched you turn your head around and stare at him, he could vividly remember the way your eyes shone with amazement either for something as superficial like his white hair or the fact he was recognized as The ‘Gojo Satoru.’

But after that amazement, you smiled. You smiled at him so bright, with the evening glow of sunlights made you so—so ethereal. Your smile was childish and that’s why it was simply pure; the white haired kid’s eyes silhouetted with the sunlight shone with surprise for he found you beautiful in ways he couldn’t describe.

Gojo looks away— he beat himself for looking away as that made him look standoffish. When he looks back, you were staring at him confused for why he didn’t greet you back.

The maid beside you turns and says something, as you nod and then walk away. Was it weird for Gojo to wish you would simply turn to him and introduce yourself? For years to come, he prayed that he’d love to hear your name; for your soul was in a color of kindness.

That chance came in twelve years later when he was a second year of his Jujutsu Tech. Him and his friends, Geto and Shoko wanted to meet the new first years. There is Nanami Kento, had a huge stick up his ass but that it self made him to be forever victim to Gojo’s pranks. Next was Haibara Yū, a bright eyed kid but Gojo found him to be a bit too— energetic for his taste.

And then you. I didn’t really need to describe Nanami and Haibara first because the first and only person he saw ever since he entered the first year’s classroom was you. Simply you. You sitting on the chair smiling bashfully at them. At him.

Ever since, every day. Without fail would rush to your side. At first you were confused as that is not the Gojo you remembered l; the one you saw and described to you by others were not this.

Nevertheless it warmed you up like a cool evening sun.

Gojo released quite early was you were kind, the type that would help others despite of her time , the type who would help every elderly by the street, the type who would feed strays and yada-yada-flowers and rainbows.

But that led to another realization. Had you truly different been treated differently?

Gojo's body tensed up. Any comfortable vibe he had felt before vanishing in an instant. He had known very well that you were a kind-hearted human being. Welcoming and warm. That made you so interesting. Your soul was so calm and simple and nice.

And even though he had observed you so closely before he wasn't able to recall any moment anymore where your own feelings had been obvious. You didn't stutter around boys.

You didn't blush. You didn't hesitate in a way which could be trailed back to her personal feelings.

Were you treating him like everyone else after all?

“Gojo?”

Your voice brought him back to sense, you were blinking curious, leaned close—so close.”what’s wrong?”

“Bring out your hand.” He smiles, as you did without question. “Guess the word I’m writing on your hand.” He smiles when the warmth from your hand soothe his nervous heartbeat.

“Eh—I’m not good at kanji!”

“That’s just too bad—!”

From then when ever Gojo feels anxious of everything—everything in this world he would play this game, with your fingers and her palm because his focus on you was more gravitating rather than that as you were simply too calming.

Geto felt slightly hesitant when he saw the type of Gojo he would become when he was by your side, he was a tad abit careless as if all of his six eyes were simply focused on you, he would be a tad bit kinder to the point Nanami gets the ick.

Where as Shoko had a blast!

She would make way towards you, give kisses on your cheeks gushing on how cute you were, wrapping her arms around you as she then sends a condescending look towards Gojo who was literally drowning in jealousy.

Shoko and you got close early on and more so because you two were the only two girls in those years. To the point where even a shy person like you was influenced to sneaking into a party with Shoko.

“Please don’t mess with my hair curler, Gojo.” You say as you look into the mirror, fixing your earring and from the corner of your eyes you could see Gojo holding up a lick of his hair into the hot iron.

Gojo peers over and immediately regrets it, you were in a short dress and high heel, hair curled so—cutely and boy, your face.

He looks away.

No, too cute.

He thought as he lets down the curling iron. Shoko peers out as she lets out a puff of smoke before passing it to Geto, who takes the cigarette in his hands. “Don’t tell me you want to come Gojo.” Shoko says. “I want a girls night.”

Gojo remember almost comically crying into his pillows as Geto nags him on ‘how woman don’t like clingy guys.’ He decides to forget Shoko and join you guys anyways.

He remembers being strangled by Shoko while you him a nervous smile trying to diffuse the situation.

Your nervous smile which made the world freeze to him, Geto sighs at the love sick look his white haired friend was giving you, who seemed so obvious to.

But don’t you remember when I said you were kind. You were kind like to help the cornered kid, the type who would volunteer to be with the loner kid, the type that picked Geto Suguru’s side.

Gojo sighs when when remembers Shoko saying you said something along the lines of ‘I don’t want Geto to be lonely along the path he takes…’

How stupid!

Gojo Satoru where ever he went would go around town mentally keeping sense of any cursed energy which could relay you back to him.

He meets you again though.

12 years later, while him and now—principle Yaga were walking along the hallways they sense a breach in security. He rushes over to first, see his once best-friend Geto Suguru by his current first year Okkotsu Yuta and secondly, you. Your eyes we’re nervously flying around before it lands on him and once again he was yours; Geto scoffs at the sight of Gojo’s expression when he was looking at you. He was almost worried that if you said ‘let’s join Geto’ with a plea—se, he just might. You just had that effect on Gojo.

But too bad, Geto was here to request war upon the Jujutsu Tech. On the 24 December, Night Parade of a Hundred Demons.

Gojo rushes through curses as he makes his way towards you; and when he does, he feels as if he can’t breath. “Can you come back…?” He takes a step closer.

You smile nervously,shaking your head as you watch him take another step closer to you, you felt his hands reach out and cup your face. His face was so close to yours, you could feel the warmth radiate off him in the cold winter air. “Don’t kill me for doing this.” You we’re reminded that you guys were enemies and in a battlefield.

His face was closer now, his blue—beautiful blue eyes were slightly closed. You breath out. “I can’t kill you through your ‘Limitless’ Satoru…”

“Say it again.”

“Huh…?”

“My name. Satoru…”

You breath out. “Satoru…” The name you accidentally let out, felt so right.

“Fuck… say it a million time more, love.” Gojo laughs, slightly hoarse. “My limitless is never activated when I’m with you…”

before you realize his lips were on yours. The kiss was soft, as you hands were tentatively placed on his chest, as his hand trails along to your waist you parts your lips for him, sighs in his mouth, and that small sound of pleasure drives him crazy, floods his body with heat and desire so intense the strongest sorcerer can hardly stand.

Your are pulled away from him, when a darker and tall man goes by. “Miguel!” Gojo listened to you say.

“I need you to focus.” The man says smiling, before he takes a stance to fight Gojo. And to Miguel credit, he does fend off Gojo well, so— well that he was ‘recruited’ by him.

The day ends with Gojo losing two of his best friends in different ways. Geto would be gone, into the afterlife ended by his own hands.

But you?

Where were you? Would he meet you again 12 years later? Love?

[dontcurbyourenthusiasm]

Play that Funky Music White Boy

(gif by @lousolversons)

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY!!

Warnings: None (literally just a meet cute)

Author note: this is a silly little thing I wrote bc I think he deserves to have a meet cute and I love him. (Might turn it into a series) who said that??🤨

Pt. 2 here!

Believe it or not, that time during his first shift in the ED was not the only time his ringtone served to embarrass him.

Only a handful of shifts after that disaster of a day, he finally had a day off. It could not have come at a better time.

His original plan for the day was to sleep for as long as humanly possible, maybe lower his body temp and heart rate enough to be considered a kind of hibernation.

But of course, life had other plans and after a couple hours of tossing and turning fitfully he realized sleep was a lost cause. His body had gotten accustomed to the adrenaline rush of the ED even in the few short weeks and was buzzing even as his mind was screaming for rest.

Thats how he finds himself here, the public library with a book he's tried to read 5 times unsuccessfully. Being a med student meant that he hasn't had the time to read anything that wasn't related to school if his brain is able to read anything at all after hours of clinicals. But he bought this book years ago, back when he was younger and delusional; thinking he would be able to achieve enough work-life balance to read a book once in a while.

If he didn't read it now, he was almost certain he never would. Plus, thats what normal people did on their day off right? Read? Relax?

The library is largely silent. Even the kids were all in their designated Kid's Corner reading lowly to themselves. The only other noise is the periodical squeaking of the book cart, the very book cart he is trying NOT to look at. Everything is quiet and calm. Technically, it should be easy for him to whip through this short book that was only what? 170 pages? The only problem was the stupid book cart. Or not really the book cart itself, but who was PUSHING the book cart.

There you stood, eyes quickly flickering through the shelves, fingers fluttering as you looked for the perfect place for each book on your cart. A light blue linen button up draped over your front, the material was loose but light enough to hint at your figure underneath when the sun hit just right. The buttons stopped just at your clavicle, right at the suprasternal notch.

He'd never noticed the curve of someone's suprasternal notch before, even when treating chest injuries; there were more crucial organs in the chest to be concerned with. But now, it was all he could look at.

Like a creep. His internal monologue reminded him, making him snap his attention back to the same line he had been reading for the last 45 minutes.

Deep in the forest a call was sounding-

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHT

He jumps at the sudden blast of 80s funk, looking around panicked before he realizes its his own phone. Fumbling for his pocket, he hurriedly reaches to shut off the ringtone, just noticing the other eyes on him.

"Sorry, sorry" he apologizes around him in a hushed tone, so thrown by his second ringtone mishap that he doesn't hear the book cart squeak to a stop right next to him.

"I'm sorry but I have to remind you to silence your phone in the library"

His head whips over to find you looming over him, a sly smile on your face, despite your chastising words.

"I- I'm sorry, it's off now. Wont happen again" he says. He's hit with painfully embarrassing deja vu.

"I could spoil it for you ya know." He looks confused, until you nod to the book in his hand. "You've been reading the same page for half an hour now."

Shit. You noticed. "Uh... Sorry it's just hard to focus in here." Thats not entirely a lie.

"This is actually the quietest it's been in here for a really long time."

He doesn't quite know what to say to that, and he's left gaping looking for something else to say.

fuck say SOMETHING he thinks

Luckily you break the silence by leaning in. "Don't worry, this is the most interesting thing thats happened all shift" is all you say in a honeyed tone before rolling the squeaking cart away to the Young Adult isle.

He's stunned into silence, until a vigorous cough from an old man shakes him out of his head.

That was flirting right??

He was stunned but not stupid. That had to be something. Or was he projecting? Seeing something only what he wanted to see?

He thought back to all those times female classmates would talk about unwanted advances from men, all the acts of courtesy that were grossly misinterpreted and cringed.

He resigned himself to NOT approach you for the rest of his visit, something that set a melancholy tone for the rest of his book. Melancholy that had nothing to do with Thornton's death at the end of the page. Just as he was walking towards the exit, a voice calls to him from the side.

"How'd you like your book Funky Music?" It was you, standing behind the circulation desk, teasing smile on your face.

"Surprisingly alright. I'm just glad the dog wasn't the one to die" he replies, slightly surprised at how clear his voice sounded.

"If you liked that, I have some book recommendations for you," you motion to the pile of books in front of you. He approaches the desk carefully. "This one's slightly more sci-fi if you're into that." You start laying the books out in front of him. "This one is really sad. Like, really really sad. I barely got through it, but regardless, it's beautifully written."

You rattle on about the next few books you selected while he wonders when you had the time to pick them all out for him. As you talk, he tries to keep his gaze on the book covers in front of him, but every time his eyes meet yours he finds himself stuck.

There's subtle glimmer in your eyes, intensifying with each book. Your voice is almost melodic as you offer your own detailed synopsis of each one, brimming with excitement despite the relatively low volume.

"Did you wanna check any of them out?" Your eyes grow wide in questioning. He wonders how the library still has books on the shelves if this is how you're asking all of the patrons.

"Yes. Yea, sure" he clears his throat as he rasps out his answer.

"Great! Which one?" You beam.

Oh shit. What were they about again? He frantically looks back at the array of books in front of him racking his brain for any recollection of the summaries you gave.

His indecision must have shown on his face, because you quickly chime in.

"How's this, I'll pick one for you, and you can read another one when you come back?"

He just nods.

"Okay, I'll just need your library card"

He freezes. He didn't even have a library card. The only reason he came to this library was because he felt bad sitting in a coffee shop if he wasn't going to buy anything.

"If you don't have one we can make one for you right now if you want" you say casually as if you're reading his mind.

"That would be awesome" he blushes.

"Name?"

"Dennis Whitaker"

You repeat his name as your type it into the computer and he swears his name has never sounded sweeter.

"Phone number or email?"

After you're done filling out his info, you hand him a shiny new card and as your fingertips touch, he swears you let it linger for a fraction of a second longer than normal.

As he leaves the building, it takes every ounce of his strength not to take another look at you.

He hops on the bus, fiddling with the book when he notices a yellow post it stuck on the inside cover of his newly borrowed book.

xxx - xxx- xxxx Just in case you wanted to talk about something other than books, Funky Music :)

--------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for reading!! I have a longer, juicier fic coming up so stay tuned for that MWAH (also this may be part 1 of a series soooooooo)

I also have some You x Whitaker meeting Santos headcanons!!

[loveesiren]

𝖫𝗂𝖼𝖾𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗒

Kwon Jiyong x fem!reader

a/n: Hiiii, was yapping with friends about funky lil sicknesses we had as children and I remembered the time I got lice when I was like 7 so I wrote this lol. Wanted to give you guys something while I move and work on CMH! Just silly, enjoy <3

warnings: fluff, lice??

wc: 2.1k+

Being a teacher was the most rewarding part of your life. You spent your days wrapped in patterned skirts and cardigan sweaters, hiding math problems beneath glittery worksheets and storytime. You smelled like markers and juice boxes, and your fingernails were always tinted faintly with dry-erase ink. But you loved it—nurturing young minds, celebrating their little victories, feeding them knowledge that would help shape the future.

And when you came home, you didn’t have to be the adult anymore. Not with Jiyong. In his arms, you got to be the kid. He’d pull you into his lap while a movie played, brush your hair out of your face, feed you bites of his cooking with chopsticks, and whisper silly things in your ear like “I love you more than ramen and music.” He made the world soft.

But tonight, your soft routine flew out the window.

“JIYONG, AHHHHHHHH!”

The sound of your scream echoed through the house like a murder had just occurred.

Jiyong dropped his freshly scooped bowl of ice cream straight into the sink, the spoon clanging loudly as he sprinted down the hallway—barefoot, breathless, wearing nothing but black boxers.

He skidded past the bathroom before stumbling back with wild eyes. “Baby?! Are you okay?! What happened?!”

You stood in front of the mirror, hair a tangled mess, eyes watery with panic. Your lips quivered.

“There are bugs in my hair…” you whispered in horror, your voice cracking as you reached up to point at your scalp. “Bugs, Ji!”

Jiyong blinked, stepping closer as he gently tilted your head to the side, brushing your hair apart with careful fingers.

He squinted, then chuckled softly. “Ah… Jagiya, you’ve got lice.”

“WHAT?!” you shrieked, flailing like the word itself physically stung. “NO. NO, NO, NO—EW! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT!”

Jiyong winced and the cats darted through the hallway in terror. He leaned in toward the mirror to check his own hair, muttering under his breath, “Shit… I probably have them too…”

Sure enough, he found a tiny bug crawling leisurely through his orange strands. He plucked it with a grimace and crushed it between his fingers, holding it up for you to see like a trophy.

“Confirmed,” he said with a grin. “We’re infested.”

“Jiyong!” you wailed, stomping your foot. “Why are you SMILING?! This is a crisis!!”

He laughed and tried to pull you into his side, but you smacked his shoulder hard enough to make him stumble. “Get. Them. Out. Of. My. Hair!”

“I mean… we could just shave it all off.” His tone was too casual.

You froze. Then burst into tears.

“BABY! I’m kidding!” he gasped, eyes wide as he pulled you into a hug. “Oh my god, don’t cry—I swear I’m joking!”

You sobbed into his chest, smacking him again through your tears. “You’re an asshole, Jiyong…”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you tight even as you sniffled dramatically. “I know, babe. I know. But I promise—I’ll get rid of them. Every last one. We’ll nuke this whole place if we have to.”

You sniffed again. “Even the pillows?”

“Especially the pillows.” He kissed your temple. “Nobody fucks with my girl’s hair and lives.”

-

Jiyong had stuffed all of his hair into an oversized beanie and made the walk of shame to the corner bodega. He paced the aisles, grabbing tea tree oil, medicated shampoo, a steel-toothed lice comb that looked like a medieval torture device, and—because he knew you—your favorite snacks: a king-sized pack of sour candies, ramen, and a bottle of strawberry milk.

When he got home, the sound of your disgusted groans echoed from the bathroom.

He peeked in to find you hunched over the sink, using tweezers like surgical tools, picking through your hair and making dramatic gagging sounds with each bug discovery.

“Oh my god, they’re multiplying,” you whispered, horrified.

Jiyong tried not to laugh. “Jagiya, get in the bath,” he said gently, walking barefoot across the tile and kneeling beside the tub. He twisted the knobs and let the water run warm before pouring in a mountain of lavender bubble bath like it could somehow cleanse the trauma. It smelled like serenity.

“Ji, this is so disgusting,” you groaned, still inspecting your scalp like you were reading a bad Yelp review. “How the hell did this happen?”

“You spend every day surrounded by tiny humans who wipe their noses on their sleeves and forget what personal space is,” he said, matter-of-factly. “This was an ambush waiting to happen.”

You were too busy huffing at your reflection to notice him pulling your pajama top over your head.

“I’m infested,” you muttered.

“And still hot,” Jiyong said, grinning as he lifted you off the ground. You yelped and clung to his neck, but he just carried you over to the tub like you weighed nothing, gently placing you into the warm, bubbling water.

“I’m gonna throw the sheets in the wash and burn everything we own,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Be right back. Don’t go falling in love with another lice-removal specialist while I’m gone.”

You sank into the bath with a deep sigh, the lavender lulling your nerves and making the whole bug-invasion feel a little less apocalyptic. You grabbed your phone and, sure enough, saw an email from school.

Subject: Lice Protocol.

School was closed for the next few days for ‘decontamination.’ You almost cried with relief.

“Babe!” you called.

“What’s up?” Jiyong reappeared in the doorway, now shirtless and smug with his laundry triumph.

“School’s shutting down for a few days. Full-on lice outbreak.”

His eyebrows raised. “So you're telling me… I get you all to myself?”

He stripped off his pants and boxers and stepped into the bath, the bubbles reaching his hips as he sat behind you and pulled you against his chest like a human pillow.

“That means no grading, no early alarms…” he whispered. “Just you, me, and our parasite roommates.”

“Ew, don’t say that!” you grimaced, leaning away. “Don’t kiss me. There are bugs in my hair.”

“There are bugs in my hair too,” he replied, tugging you back into him like you hadn’t just declared a biohazard.

You whined. “Get them out. Please.”

“I got you, baby.” He lathered a palmful of the tea tree shampoo and began working it into your scalp with slow, deliberate fingers. You practically melted under his touch.

“This part’s kind of nice,” you admitted, eyes fluttering shut as his thumbs traced behind your ears.

Jiyong took his sweet time, scrubbing with love and then styling your soapy hair into ridiculous peaks and shapes—one moment a unicorn horn, the next a slicked-back mob boss look. “I call this one ‘Bugsy Malone.’”

You snorted. “You’re such a freak. Okay, my turn.” You scooted around in the tub, grabbed the shampoo, and lathered it into his hair, scratching gently at his scalp while he hummed happily.

Once both of your heads were foaming like cappuccinos, you sat back and giggled, flicking water at each other until the walls were wet and the bubbles overflowed.

“Thanks for always being the best,” you said softly, giving him a shy smile. “Are you sure you’re not mad that I gave you lice?”

Jiyong grinned. “Baby, you work with kids. I knew this day would come.”

You rolled your eyes. “Still…”

He kissed your nose. “You’re the best teacher I know. And someday you’re gonna be an amazing mom. And then we’ll probably get lice again.”

“Gross!” You splashed him and he laughed, water flying everywhere.

When the shampoo had done its job, you turned on the shower and let the warm stream wash away the tea tree suds and the tiny demons in your hair.

-

Jiyong sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor, the tiny metal lice comb in one hand and a determined expression on his face like he was defusing a bomb. You sat in front of him wrapped in a towel, head bowed slightly as he methodically dragged the fine teeth of the comb through your damp strands.

“Hold still, baby,” he murmured, gently parting your hair with his fingers, his brows furrowed with surgeon-level focus. “We’re almost done.”

Each time he wiped the comb on a tissue, your stomach twisted a little—another tiny, defeated bug removed, a new wave of ick crawling down your spine.

“You’re way too calm about this,” you muttered, shivering slightly.

“That’s because if I scream, we both scream, and I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that never ends well,” he replied, grinning. “Besides, I’m saving your beautiful scalp. I’m basically a hero.”

Once he was finally satisfied that your head was pest-free, it was your turn. You took the comb from his hand and gestured for him to sit between your legs.

“Alright, oppa. Time to return the favor.”

He groaned dramatically, flopping down like he was a soldier going into battle. “Be gentle. My scalp is sensitive. Like my soul.”

“Drama queen,” you teased, running the comb gently through his thick hair, being extra careful not to tug too hard. His hair was soft and dense, and you marveled for a second at how much time he clearly spent taking care of it. You were going to make sure no bug ever dared lay eggs here again.

Once the two of you had finished the comb-through and double-checked each other's heads under the harsh bathroom light, you applied what had to be half the bottle of tea tree oil to your hair—“for good measure,” you said as Jiyong watched with both concern and admiration.

“You’re gonna smell like a Christmas candle for a week,” he joked.

“Better than smelling like lice and trauma,” you shot back.

You rummaged through his bathroom drawers like a woman possessed until you triumphantly held up two packs of wrinkled plastic shower caps he’d swiped from a hotel. “Victory!”

Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “You’re not actually—”

“You bet your ass I am. This is war.”

You forced the cap onto your oil-slicked hair and handed him another. “Put it on.”

He looked at it like it might bite him. “It’s giving ‘old lady at the spa.’”

“It’s giving ‘lice prevention protocol.’ Cap up, lover boy.”

Grumbling under his breath, he shoved his hair under the plastic dome. It puffed up around his head like a deflated balloon. “Happy now?”

You grinned. “So happy.”

The two of you climbed into bed with your heads crinkling like chip bags every time you moved. The cats, Iye and Zoa, sat at the foot of the bed, staring at you both like you’d completely lost it. Their eyes followed the rustling sounds like they were watching prey.

“Jagi… how long must we wear these?” Jiyong whispered. “Zoa’s giving me serial killer eyes. I think she’s about to pounce.”

“We have to sleep like this,” you whispered back. “We have to make sure every last bug is dead. This is serious.”

The night was anything but peaceful. Every toss and turn brought a chorus of crinkles. The cats took turns swatting at your heads. You woke up at 3:17 a.m. to Jiyong muttering “I swear to god, this cat’s trying to murder me.”

By 5 a.m., you’d both had enough.

Groggy, delirious, and running on zero good sleep, you dragged yourselves back into the bathroom. You stood under the warm spray of the shower, heads bowed like you were performing some kind of sleep-deprived exorcism. You washed each other wordlessly, hands moving lazily as steam filled the room.

Jiyong rubbed shampoo into your hair one last time, checking every section as if he was going for a medical license in Liceology. You did the same for him, and when you found nothing, you both exhaled like you'd finished a marathon.

You toweled off and sat on the edge of the bed, drying your hair while Jiyong ran a hand through his now lice-free mane, sighing in deep satisfaction.

“You know…” he said, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, “school’s closed. I don’t have to work either. We’ve got the whole day to ourselves.”

You smirked, squeezing the towel tighter around your hair as you stepped closer. “Oh yeah? What are you thinking?”

His lips curled into a familiar cocky grin. He reached for you, his hands finding their way to your bare hips before sliding lower. “I was thinking…”

You leaned in, hopeful. He leaned in closer, his voice low and teasing.

“…we rot on the couch and order five kinds of takeout.”

You burst into laughter. “Jiyong!”

“What?” he laughed, pulling you into a warm embrace. “We earned it. We fought lice. We deserve snacks and K-dramas.”

You reached up and kissed him deeply, lingering as your fingers tangled in his clean, soft hair.

“Sounds perfect,” you whispered against his lips.

© loveesiren 2025 - do not copy, translate, transfer, or repost my work without my permission. if you find my work on sites other than through links i've provided, please notify me.

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[aroaceleovaldez]

random riordanverse teeth headcanons for funsies:

actually starting out with not a hc - Percy's teeth aren't straight! He mentions in Sea of Monsters it as one of his insecurities ("[...] or the fact that my two front teeth weren’t perfectly even [...]") I just think that's fun and cute for him

Nico, Hazel, and Percy can all regenerate their teeth. Nico and Hazel for Hades/Pluto kid reasons and Percy for shark reasons. Percy's just regrow normally but Nico and Hazel have to willfully use their powers to grow it back. They can grow other people's teeth back too if they want to though.

Nico has fangs. Technically not "real" fangs but his canine teeth are just unusually sharp to the point where they look like little fangs. Hazel and Bianca perhaps can also have fangs as a treat :3 Hades kids with fangs...

Jason has fake teeth! Like three or so. Unfortunately humans are not built for biting random stuff super hard all the time and he sacrificed a couple teeth because of it.

(If he feels like it he can ask Nico or Hazel to grow his teeth back for him. It probably doesn't last long. Maybe one day he can get fancy fake teeth.)

Lacy has braces. Piper perhaps also had braces when she was younger and probably hated them.

Walt getting fangs when Anubis is present could be very fun.

Alex with fangs is also fun <3

Niche one but i like to theme both Lacy and Ida around rabbits, so both of them having prominent front teeth would be very cute.

Demeter kids with snake fangs! Snakes are sacred to Demeter!

Snakes are also sacred to Apollo, as are wolves/dogs. Dogs are also sacred to Hecate. Many options for funky teeth.

Will was born without wisdom teeth, cause that's a thing that can happen. He's just never gonna grow 'em and ergo never need them removed.

okay thats all i've got ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ellesreids]

hi!! i wanted to send in a request for a spencer reid x reader fic. i don’t have a particular plot in mind (or you can create headcanons, if you prefer) so you may have to get creative but i love the idea of a funky whimsical reader. like she wears fun socks and has too many plans and has bugs as pets. like an elementary school art teacher vibe yk? maybe she actually is an elementary school art teacher or maybe she works at the bau, you’re choice. i just love this concept cause everyone writes the reader so similarly to spencer, but i think he’d be really compatible with a type b creative person too :) all i ask for is loads of fluff!! i love your writing and im so excited to see what you do with this :) tysm!! sending love ✨⭐️🎀💗

I absolutely love her I already wanna write more and more about her!! thank you for requesting lovely, sending back ten times more love <3 this is basically like a backstory to how they met and got together, but I'm literally already thinking about writing a few blurbs lol.

──── ⊹☆⊹ ────

You and Spencer first met when the FBI was doing their annual school visits at the elementary school where you taught. The whole school hall was packed with children and teachers, and Spencer felt like he was minutes from fainting because he knew he was up next to present and he knew it was going to be near torture trying to explain profiling to a bunch of ten year olds.

Just before he was set to go on stage, his eyes had caught yours. It's not like you were hard to find anyway — you stuck out like a sore thumb, actually. A far cry from any average teacher, with clothes so colorful and lively and jewelry that adorned you all over. Spencer was already starstruck, and he hadn't even talked to you yet.

When you saw him, you gave him a small smile in greeting, noticing his very nervous demeanor, and somehow that alone had helped quell a bit of the firing nerves that shot through his body. The kids couldn't care less what Spencer was talking about, and much less the teachers, but you practically had your eyes glued to him, giving him encouraging nods as he sputtered his way through his fully memorised presentation.

He had tried to talk to you after his speech was over, but as all the kids were pushing their way outside of the hall and back to their respective classes, he lost you somewhere in the crowds. He thought about you for days after that encounter, and didn't get to see you again until about a week later, when you, by some miracle, walked into the bullpen of the BAU holding a huge fruit basket that had been meant to be given to the team the day of the school visit. You definitely were a spectacle, turning heads and piquing interest as you made your way through the office. Flowy skirt, crinkled, paint-stained shirt, and jiggling bangles in contrast to all the crisp, perfectly tailored suits that surrounded you.

Morgan, ever the gentleman, saw you struggling and offered to help take the gift from your hands, and you thanked him profusely. Just as you were getting ready to make your way back to school after some friendly small talk with Morgan, you noticed him, sitting at his desk seemingly completely enraptured with the file he was reading. The cute agent that had been so nervous he started turning pale. The colour had definitely returned to his face now, and he looked even cuter than before, so after politely excusing yourself, you decided to make your way over to his desk.

When Spencer saw you standing at his desk, same warm smile as before when you greated him, he was starstruck all over again, sitting there with a mouth slighty agape as you complimented his total wreck of a presentation. "I'd like to treat you to a coffee sometime to, y'know, say thank you for coming to talk to the kids." It was a horrible cover-up, but it seemed to work nevertheless, and when the doctor had gathered enough of his impressive IQ points, he managed to accept your offer in an almost incoherent mess of words.

You had since then taken him out to coffee, and naturally, a date followed, and then a few more.

And now, Spencer couldn't even believe his luck. He had almost made peace with the idea that he'd never see you again, and now you were sitting across him in the busy restaurant on your now sixth date. In many ways, you and Spencer are complete opposites. Where Spencer thrives in routine and familiarity, you're much more flexible and adaptable. You're a take it as it comes kind of person, yet he functions better the further away he can plan.

Your patience and creativity make it easy for him to see why you're a teacher as well, and Spencer swears he'd already fallen in love by the first date. He tries to reel it in, though, afraid of scaring you off with his overeagerness, but you don't seem to mind at all. You look at him with stars in your eyes every time he rambles about whatever subject he seems to have endless knowledge on, and sometimes you even counter with your own rambles. The two of you complemented each other in the most perfect way; like two opposite poles of a magnet, yet unstoppably drawn to each other.

After your date, he takes you home and walks you to the door like a gentleman, and when you ask him if he'd like to stay for a cup of tea, he accepts with a shy smile and red-tipped ears. If he thought your clothes were a perfect reflection of your personality, your house is even more so. The inside is filled with the type of warm lighting that feels nostalgic, the scent of cinnamon and bergamot permeates through the air, trinkets and paintings are scattered in every corner his eyes falls to and plants are pearched on and near every window in sight.

You take off your shoes, and he mimics you, the both of you bursting into a fit of giggles when you notice each others' socks. The two of you make your way to your living area as the kettle boils, and he's greeted by your cat, rubbing herself against his leg with a soft purr. "She likes you," you say with a happy shriek, "and she normally doesn't like anyone that fast, so you should feel honored." He does feel honored, funny enough. If it means that much to you, it means even more to him that your cat likes him.

For probably the millionth time since he's met you, he's completely enamored with you. He watches as you speak animatedly, one hand petting the cat now in your lap while the other holds your cup of tea. He winces a little when you move the cup around so seemingly neverminded, but you've managed to not spill anything yet, which he thinks is quite impressive.

His brain was going a hundred miles a minute as you. He realized he'd now had something, someone to look forward to when he returned from cases. Someone who waited for him and missed him. He had someone to share his thoughts with, someone who listened and truly cared about everything he had to say.

The realization makes his heart ache, this funny feeling that starts in his chest and spreads through his whole body like white heat. He feels a little breathless, hand absent-mindedly clutching his chest in a way that would probably seem melodramatic to anyone else watching.

"Spencer? Are you okay?" you ask, breaking him from his reverie as you place your almost empty cup on the nearby coffee table before you're feeling his forehead with the back of your hand. It was silly, but you were so used to working with kids who got sick out of the blue, and Spencer had suddenly started looking deathly pale.

"I'm fine, it's just," he hesitates, and you pull your hand away, carefully shuffling a little closer to show him he had your undivided attention. "I'm very happy we found each other," he finally says, eyes lifting from his lap to gauge your reaction.

"I'm just as happy, Spence," you smile, "you make me very happy." Without really thinking about it, you press a kiss to his cheek to reiterate your words. As soon as you're pulling away, Spencer's chasing your lips with his, and in a very uncharacteristically bold move, he kisses you in a way he hopes will reiterate his words just as perfectly. You return the kiss tenfold, hands grasping his face as you pulled him impossibly closer, kissing him until you both were breathless. Once you're pulling away, Spencer feels like his brain is steadily melting out of his ears, heart beating faster than he thinks is healthy.

That was the night you Spencer asked you to be his girlfriend, and since then, his days have been brighter than ever.

[powdermelonkeg]

You're big on Zelda, so I'm curious. How would you rewrite TOTK, if given the writer's room?

Fun question! *cracks knuckles* Let's answer it.

I've answered about the disconnect between BotW and TotK before, so I'm going to take some of those ideas and run with them here.

I'm taking the intended route, for the sake of keeping coherence rather than just making up an entirely new Hyrule from scratch. Link and Zelda are the same as they are in BotW.

To start off, I like the Zonai.

I like that they're an entirely new race of people in Hyrule. I love how weird-looking they are. I love that they're not human race #87.

I also love their bastard not-Zonai lovechild thing. If we saw more examples of Zonai, I would love for this funky lil dude to be part of them, kind of like how the Zora have a ton of variation between them.

So why don't we do that? Why don't we give them a kingdom?

And why don't we put some meat on the bones of what was already built?

There are Zonai-esque ruins all over the Depths, mostly in mines for Zonaite.

Their color palette matches. Rauru's braids and Sonia's earrings match brightblooms.

And the three dragons, who have Zonai features (segmented, color-edged hair, long ears, blunt muzzles, scale beard mouths), could have been a catalyst.

A catalyst for what, though?

It starts with the Depths themselves, and the dragons breaking free.

See, in TotK, the three elemental dragons all dive in and out of the Depths chasms. There's no explanation as to why, and the only explanation we have for the chasms forming is that it was like...geysers of Gloom.

However, the dragons in BotW are confirmed to have carved these canyons:

So let's go back in time a little.

The Zonai live in the Depths. They're underground, away from all the chaos that Hyrule has ever had to endure. They worship the bargainer statues as gods, they collect the souls of those above that drip down into the world below.

They have a rich mining industry, and coliseums for their greatest warriors to test their mettle against captured monsters.

They have their Secret Stones, and the one who's allowed to hang onto those is their leader.

That'd be young Prince Rauru.

The elemental dragons, Dinraal, Naydra, and Farosh, are testaments to why no one can be allowed to have the Secret Stones. They were consumed by their power, literally.

One day, they break free, as if summoned by an unknown force. They tunnel through the ground and into the sky, connecting the world below to the one above.

The Hylians cautiously venture below, or the Zonai above. Prince Rauru, keeper of the Secret Stones, and Sonia, High Priestess of Hylia, meet.

They fall in love.

They marry.

Their marriage marks a unity between the Surface and the Depths.

(Maybe throw in a lil Skyward Sword continuity, mention that while Hylia sent the humans to the sky, the Zonai fled underground to avoid Demise, to keep the Secret Stones out of his grasp. You don't even have to name drop him, just say they went down to avoid destruction.)

Suddenly, Hyrule (the center part of the map, based around the Great Plateau, not the whole sub-kingdom conglomerate it exists as in BotW) undergoes a technological boom. Ganondorf, neighboring leader of the Gerudo, is interested. He talks trade with now-king Rauru, but there's the sub-plot of trying to get his secrets, which he steadily grows obsessed with.

Meanwhile, the Gerudo make their own expedition into the Depths.

There. The stage is set.

Now Zelda falls into the past.

She's found by Rauru and Sonia. Adopted as their daughter, more or less.

Also, the two of them have a small child. Nintendo, you CAN'T set them up as "they're her ancestors" and then kill them childless, descendants don't work like that. Zelda's immediately endeared to the kid, who reminds her of Link. Lil half-Zonai girl with a wooden sword who swings it at anything that moves. There are memories, it's cute.

In the past, Zelda witnesses, real time, Ganondorf going mad with power. They get along well at first, he's cordial, polite, a model diplomat. But she finds his troops in places they shouldn't be, confronts him about it and gets brushed off.

She tells Rauru, he's unwilling to throw suspicion onto Ganondorf. They're semi-friends and diplomacy is important! He's got to run this kingdom right. He can't fail, this is the biggest thing he's ever done!

(Sprinkle in a parallel to BotW Zel's fear of failure)

Some of the memories fill in gaps about Rauru's power, also. He's got what Link can do, minus Recall. Ultrahand and Fuse mainly, but Rauru's been experimenting with Ascend, excited because it'll make passage between the Depths and the Surface so much easier, and we see where Zel gets her scientific excitement from. Regardless of how different they look, they ARE family.

Ganondorf and Rauru get into a fight one day. A BAD fight. Maybe because Zelda tipped Rauru off, and despite telling her no, Rauru looked into it anyways. Regardless, they march out in opposite directions, and Zelda overheard it in the hallway. As Ganondorf leaves, he gives her the most SCATHING glare.

He then declares war on Hyrule.

Rauru makes a bid for allies, trying to get enough manpower to fight Ganondorf's impressive military. It's a struggle at first, but Zelda steps in, being the leader she's skilled at being and telling the others how crucial it is that they help. Ganondorf, meanwhile, turns to forbidden arts in his rage against Rauru, gets infected by Gloom/Malice, becomes scarily powerful. First Blood Moon. The Gerudo are kind of unnerved by him.

We see Zelda and Sonia helping with the war. Sonia's got light powers, Zelda's are stronger, together they can destroy entire ARMIES of monsters, saving their warriors on the battlefield. A few instances of Little Princess trying to be involved like the grown-ups are, getting huffy when she's told no.

In the aftermath of each fight, Rauru runs around, sealing away the monsters' latent energy with green spirals. That's where the Shrines come from, though in the past, they're Luminous Stones—it's all faded by present day, the light bled out of them.

Sonia is on the battlefield against Ganondorf one fateful night, Little Princess wanders onto the field, both the girls panic about it, and Sonia tries to run away with her while Zelda affords them cover. THAT'S when Ganondorf strikes her—he's fast like a ninja, rushes past Zelda, strikes Sonia.

She falls. Little Princess tumbles.

Zelda races to Little Princess's side, picks her up to run away with her as Ganondorf gets Sonia's stone, and he transforms into the Demon King. He raises his army. Little Princess screams, and we see an uncontrolled blast of Hylia's power, like an erratic attempt at what Zelda did at the end of BotW.

It fritzes, Zelda hugs her tight and ducks down to shield her, and the power cascades across the battlefield, affecting monsters AND people alike. The war is in shambles. Ganondorf stares at the child and her guardian, and retreats in a hurry.

Cue Rauru running to their side.

He grieves his wife. Little Princess is kept safe by Zelda. The Gerudo shun Ganondorf and join Rauru's side, and everyone involved in the war dedicates everything to one final assault against Ganondorf, one trap to finally END him, to force him into the Depths and fight him on the Zonai's own turf. The Secret Stones are distributed. Rauru knows what he has to do, and at the climax of the final battle, he uses his Secret Stone to amplify his sealing magic, knowing it'll kill him in the process and locking Ganondorf away in the Depths.

Except, it's not that simple.

Gloom bursts out of the newly trapped Ganondorf's chest, flooding the Depths, eliminating everyone in its path. That includes the Sages, the assaulting army, and the VAST majority of the Zonai. Its sole purpose is to gather enough strength over time for Ganondorf to break his shackles, because the Gloom wants OUT.

(Subtly implied that the Gloom is the first iteration of Demise's curse of hatred, maybe.)

And Zelda is alone. Trapped in the past, stuck with Little Princess, her Secret Stone, and the last of Mineru's notes.

Gloom continues to fume out of the Depths, so they're sealed off. The Blood Moon keeps spawning new monsters, so Little Princess and the remainders of the construct caretakers are sent up to the sky, for her protection. Zelda's the one that orchestrates it. Her people once hailed from the sky, and it's always been known as a place of safety for them.

Is this self-referential to the history she's building, or a Skyward Sword reference? Who knows.

They go skyward.

Then the Master Sword appears, and Zelda knows what she has to do. It's compounded, of course, by crushing guilt over the fact that Sonia's death happened on her watch. She tells Little Princess to look out for the world ahead, tells her to be strong, and brave, and everything she wishes her dad had told her. Then ends it with a final message.

"I'm leaving you something very important. Take good care of it."

Then she goes off alone to become a dragon.

Present day.

Link's not guided by Rauru, he's guided by a strange, beautiful woman who looks kind of like Zelda (albeit with Zonai hair, eyes, and long claws), who has a deep regret for the world below and who knows the lonely world above like the back of her hand. She teaches him the basics of his powers as he visits the shrines.

The Great Sky Island is otherwise normal.

You go to Hyrule. The Light Dragon's the one that breaks the cloud barrier, and as she does so, she sheds a single tear. By the time you get to the tear's location, it's spread a mural of the memory it contains around it.

Whenever you Recall a tear, the Light Dragon sheds a new one somewhere else, and it's up to you to follow.

You're chasing Zelda, twice over.

Besides that, Hyrule's Surface is...largely unchanged. I'm still upset that the pirates assaulting Lurelin weren't ACTUAL pirates, so guess what, they are now. Splinter faction of Yiga. Also, River Zora take over Lake Hylia, there's a spat between them and the Sea Zora, and Yona is the princess of the Rivers.

Then you've got the Depths.

That's where you find the ruins of the Zonai civilization, and you start piecing together the world it contains on your own. You aren't told, you're SHOWN.

Rauru's ghost finds and guides you here. He has a moment of "hey, isn't that MY arm?", upgrades your abilities or shows you how to use them more efficiently (ups your build limit, shows you how to un-Fuse, teaches you DEscend, gives you Autobuild, things like that), then DIES-dies. You escort his poe soul to a Bargainer statue.

The biggest change to the Depths, though, is that under the Gerudo Desert, you find PEOPLE.

So remember how the Gerudo launched their own expedition into the Depths in the past? How the Gloom killed almost everyone and the world below was sealed off?

There were a sparse few survivors of the Zonai, and some unfortunate Gerudo researchers that also got trapped. The people down there now are descendants of both. They're not Zonai anymore, though.

They're Lomei. They evolved like how the Rito evolved from the Zora in Wind Waker. Their tribe name comes from the Zonai word for "loneliness."

Regardless, they're initially inhospitable to Surfacers, because Surfacers are how they ended up how they did. If you sneak into their city, you're captured, like a few unfortunate Zonai Survey Team members that have wandered in, only YOU can escape via Ascend. OoT Gerudo parallel.

You can earn the Lomei's trust by doing things for them (maybe beating all three labyrinths as a rite of passage?), and then they let you into their cities. They've got their own brand of tech based off of old Zonai designs. One of the Lomei scientists is working on a mechsuit—that'll be the sage that Mineru passes her stone down to. And it fits doubly, both because the Lomei ARE the descendants of the Zonai and because the Lomei technician and Mineru are both scientists.

The Lomei people give you more pieces to the complicated Zonai-Hylian puzzle, and they're the ones that first tell you the legend of the dragons-from-Secret-Stones. So you can either learn it from them OR get it revealed in Zel's later memories.

Besides that, the present plot is pretty much as normal. Still the same bosses. Still the same sages-help-with-everything, though each sage you rescue gives you another piece of what really happened at the final fight (rather than the same cutscene over and over), telling you about how Rauru sacrificed himself and the effect it had on the rest of the Depths.

I will change where the Ganondorf's Army fight takes place, though. It's ACTUALLY very hidden, like the game was trying to imply it to be when you chase around Kohga. You do still have to do that, but he accidentally directs you to a place that's hidden in the tiniest crevice near Hyrule Castle, one that's very easy to miss and sitting in a veritable sea of Gloom. Once you finish the Kohga quest, a poe hovers outside of the crevice, which leads into an even deeper chasm that leads to the Underdepths.

The poe's your help to get through the maze there, and wherever it goes, Sundelions bloom at the corners. If you go early, before getting everything done, you have to navigate that place yourself, and it's a nightmare.

But you do it. You get to where everything started, and you beat the army, then Ganondorf, then he shoves his fist down his throat and goes dragon.

As he breaks through the ground and curls around Hyrule Castle, he SHATTERS it. The building crumbles to smithereens, crashing into the Depths below.

You beat Demon Dragon, Zelda catches you on her nose, it's over. You're in the spirit realm over sleeping Zelda.

The poe appears over your shoulder, drifts away from you, then materializes into Sonia. She says nothing, just activates Recall, turns Zelda back to normal, then cradles her in her arms. She gives her a kiss on the forehead, looks at you, then says the same line Zelda said to Little Princess ages ago, with the single change of one word.

"I'm leaving you something very important. Take good care of her."

She fades, as does the Spirit World.

You're falling.

Zelda's falling.

You catch her.

She wakes up, sees you, then hugs you and sobs into your shoulder.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.

Roll credits.

Bonus for the memory completionists, the True Ending has Zelda meeting the grown Little Princess up at the Great Sky Island, reconciling with her, both of them saying how proud they are of each other. Then Little Princess turns into a poe, and Zelda promises to take her to the Depths so she can be with her parents again. As they walk away, Sonia's poe tails after them.

And THAT is a way longer post than I expected to write. Whew.