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opalmaplehibiscus · 4 years ago

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Rubies, Diamonds, and Self Reflection

HC of Kalim and Leona’s Senpai-Kouhai relationship + Kalim and Jamil in Kalim’s POV after Chapter 4

· It would be a lie to say Kalim wasn’t crushed from what Jamil said

· The last thing he wanted was to be hated by the person he treasures the most

· It was understandable why Jamil resented him. He was the reason why Jamil wasn’t free anymore and made him feel burdened

· If only he had known, if only he had known, Kalim would’ve done everything he could to free Jamil and the rest of his family

· Yet he didn’t and it was because he wasn’t able to catch the hints

· For once, he didn’t know what to do. He tried to extend his hand to Jamil, in hopes that it would help them move on and start a new relationship

· It took everything in him to not flinch when Jamil slapped his hand away and said “No way”

· No one ever found out about him crying during every night as he was successfully able to weep quietly to the point Jamil wasn’t able to find out

· Betrayal, hurt, sadness, pain – he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t know what to do to mend their relationship or even know how to feel at this point

· But when Kalim remembered a certain line, a certain wish Jamil had yelled at him, he started thinking. Then, staring at his head scarf that was hanging on a chair, Kalim started to take actions with his own hands

· When Jamil comes to wake up Kalim out of habit, he finds Kalim’s bed well-made, pajamas folded in his drawer perfectly

· Panic and worry were the only two things Jamil felt before he finds Kalim sitting in the lounge with the rest of the Scarabia dorm members

· Kalim had his eyes closed while one of the freshmen was applying the finishing touches to his make-up as another was tying the headscarf

· When he had initially gone up and asked the dorm members’ if they could help him, he remembered how they looked worried after seeing the sunken, dark circles beneath his eyes

· He was thankful they were willing to look it over, accepting the excuse that he wasn’t able to sleep because of the heat

· When Jamil calls out Kalim’s name, Kalim jumps a bit, causing the freshman to apologize and worriedly ask him if they had accidentally injured his eyes

· Reassuring him the student that he was fine, Kalim opens the eye that was done and greets Jamil normally…or at least tried to

· He didn’t understand why Jamil seemed to be worried about his whereabouts, giving Jamil a confused look

· When Kalim replies “Wasn’t this what you wanted though?”, he got more confused when he sees a flash of shock and hurt cross Jamil’s face before he sees his former best-friend agree and stomp past the doors

· The want to grab Jamil’s hand and ask for an explanation nearly won him over, but Kalim was able to hold it in

· It would be a lie to say he felt lonely. He wasn’t used to walking the hallways alone or eating by himself

· He missed the times he and Jamil would talk to each other, whether it was Jamil scolding him for forgetting his homework or eating messy

· But in the same time, in the corner of his heart, he was hoping Jamil felt hurt as well. And the fact he felt that way made Kalim ever more guilty and led him to stay away from Jamil even more

· It was for this reason that during the Fairy Gala operation, he said that he would support Leona

· He was aware that Leona got the hint that it was an act of desperation – an excuse to hopefully make Jamil stay away from him

· Kalim didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. He didn’t want to see his most precious people feel burdened because of him

· He was sick and tired bringing only pain to others

· So when him, Leona, and Jamil ended up being paired together as the main “attraction”, Kalim breathed out a relieved sigh

· He was hoping he would get paired with Ruggie or Yuu/MC, but as long as he wasn’t alone with Jamil, he was fine

· But when Jamil kept on trying to help Kalim despite our sunshine boy pointedly asking for other’s help, frustration was building up inside of him

· He thought Jamil wanted to stay away from him? Feel free and not be under the Al-Asim influence?

· Was Jamil worried that his dad might hear that he wasn’t looking after Kalim? Well…Jamil didn’t need to do that since he already written a fabricated report for the headmaster to submit to his dad. Sounding exactly like how Jamil would’ve written the report to a T

· Kalim doesn’t expect for Leona to actually help him out, acting as if Leona was frustrated with Kalim on how “slow” he was despite being the one to help fix his hair ornaments and the finishing touches of his looks

· And this small interference made by Leona continued until their mission ended in success

· He knew Leona was going to confront him about him and Jamil, but he wasn’t expecting it to happen on the very next day

· Kalim’s hands were in fists as Leona was jeering at Kalim for “not noticing” what Jamil was doing to him as frustration bubbled along with the salt rubbing on his wound. Like bro, come on. He’s not even over it yet and you’re seriously going to do that? Really?

· When Kalim questions Leona back on his reasoning to help him out, he huffed when he sees Leona’s eyes widen from the unexpected question

· What he didn’t expect was for the 3rd-year lion to bark out laughter before commenting how it seemed like he had seen everything wrong

· He didn’t enjoy being on the receiving end of Leona’s predatory look, but continued to hold his stance, giving a sneering look of his own

· He could only sigh internally as the cat was out of the bag when Leona realizes that Kalim knew about everything this whole entire time and only had Jamil continued to do his “little dance” because of consideration of Jamil being his friend and safety of everyone else

· But confusion covered his face as Leona started to criticize him of his judgement and told him what he would’ve done in Kalim’s stead

· It doesn’t take long to realize Leona was giving him advice. For free. Without asking him back for anything

· Seeing the suspicion on his face, he’s given a ruffle on his head before Leona tells Kalim that he wants to see what more Kalim could potentially do in the future though Kalim knew Leona was more interest in him and…Jamil’s confrontation

· Kalim knew this was his only chance to ask for help, to help him getter stronger. Pivoting on his heals, Kalim grabs Leona, who had now walked past him, by the wrist before asking Leona to help him get stronger

· Cause Kalim knew that if he doesn’t get stronger one way or another, he’ll continue dragging people down. And he knew that he wouldn’t be able to make himself stronger if he trains by himself

· When Jamil trained him, Kalim was able to get criticism of what he needed to get stronger on but now that he was trying not to rely on Jamil, Kalim had no choice but to seek for help by someone who’s smarter and stronger than him

· When he sees Leona about to reject him with his usual “Hah, hell no. That’s too much of a pain”, Kalim ends up making a deal with Leona that he would help his senpai avoid Ruggie’s nagging if he helps him just an hour per day

· It took him literally everything to get Leona to agree on those terms, going as far as being dragged across the ground while clinging onto Leona’s arm

· Leona: Let go of my f-king arm before I use my Unique Magic on you Kalim: *clings tighter* Never! You can’t make me! Leona: Hoh? And why? Kalim: *sparkles and holy light radiates from him* Pwease? uwu

· On their first session….things were bad. Leona kept on napping ever 5 minutes as Kalim was doing some of the exercises Leona had him do

· …Listen. He doesn’t like hurting people, okay? However, even he has a limit to how much crap he can deal with, his patience starting to wear thin because of his stress

· So, when Kalim “accidentally” makes it rain over Leona, the feeling of satisfaction and smugness only lasted a second before he was running away from an angry lion while screaming sorry

· When 3 days passed though, Kalim started to realize that not only has he become stronger – Leona seemed to start doting on him

· At first, Kalim thought nothing of it when Leona chucked a water bottle at him, telling Kalim how he needed to stay hydrated if he was going to continue training under Leona

· Yet, slowly, the training between Kalim and Leona starts to get longer and when Kalim points it out, Leona would end up just nonchalantly say how they seemed to have been carried away

· The last evidence that Leona actually cares for him was when Kalim accidentally had fallen asleep during their break. He wouldn’t imagine coming to see the day that he would end up waking up in none other than Leona’s room with a freaking blanket covering him

· Soon, Kalim finds himself hanging around Leona more with Leona showing annoyance as his tail would flick or ears would twitch whenever Kalim comes over to hang out. Kalim knows though that Leona didn’t mind being around him seeing how Leona never attempts to push him away

· He should’ve seen it coming that not everyone was going to accept his new found friendship as one second, he’s next to Leona, the next Jamil was dragging him down the hallways

· Others were fooled into thinking that the relationship between him and Jamil must’ve gotten better for something that had always happened in the past is occurring again now

· Kalim, though, knows that that wasn’t the case. Jamil’s grip is too tight and the way Jamil was walking wasn’t out of annoyance but from anger and….jealousy?

· He keeps on asking Jamil what was wrong and that his wrist hurt throughout the whole journey until the two enters an empty classroom

· Jamil was already questioning Kalim, telling him did he know how dangerous it was for him to hang around Leona of all people, reminding him that he needed to be more conscious like Jamil had always mentioned before

· In the past, when Kalim had trusted Jamil with his whole heart and thought they were friends, he would’ve accepted this

· Now, Kalim is feeling more cornered and stressed. It seems as if no matter what he did, Jamil wasn’t ever going to forgive him or realize how much Kalim was trying to mend their relationship

· When Jamil mentions how he wasn’t going to be there for Kalim and asks if Kalim still intended to burden him when he thought Kalim was willing to free him, Kalim was reminded of the words Jamil had said in chapter 4 and tries to hold the tears that were threatening to pour out while making fists with his hands

· By the time Jamil finished, Kalim used all of his will power to muster his usual sheepish grin before he replies that he understands before, not helping himself, shooting a shot back at Jamil

· When Kalim asks Jamil why he decided to drag him and lecture him like this when it’s only going to waste Jamil’s time, he sees Jamil’s face flash a sign of confusion before turning into frustration and anger, not at Kalim, but at himself

· Jamil replies that he still holds the responsibility of having to keep Kalim safe somewhat for the sake of his own family before he shoves Kalim to the side and leaves

· Numbly, Kalim leaves the classroom as well, feeling hollow and broken. He doesn’t think where his feet take him until he found himself in front of Ramshackle’s dorm

· Surprise from where he was and panicking that he was going to be late with his training session with Leona, Kalim starts to turn around again only to meet with Yuu/MC and Grim

· When Yuu/MC asks Kalim if he came again to offer fixing part of the dorm, Kalim could only sheepishly laugh and rub the back of his head cause to be fair, Kalim did came over a few times to help Yuu/MC fix their dorm after helping him out with Scarabia’s scandal

· He isn’t sure what could’ve possibly hinted that he’s feeling down since he was sure his acting was still on point as he makes an excuse on spot that he was only passing by this

· He doesn’t expect Yuu/MC to drag him into Ramshackle Dorm’s lounge with a complaining Grim following right behind them nor be seated and drinking tea, like a normal person. By that, as in, not excessively pouring sugar cubes like the time when he wanted to pull on Jade’s leg

· The two start off having a small talk with each other, Kalim sounding like his normal bright self and Yuu/MC ever being considerate before they asked Kalim what was making him stressed out

· Kalim blinks owlishly, not expecting for that question to be asked out of the blue before trying to assure them that he wasn’t

· No matter what he did, Yuu/MC didn’t buy any of his excuses, pointing out every little sign that Kalim isn’t okay

· He tries telling them to drop it as gently as possibly, purposely making the conversation go in circles

· When Yuu/MC reveals that Kalim wasn’t the type to get lost aimlessly - that made Kalim become alert

· He asks them what they meant before they state how they knew Kalim was smarter than he leads others to believe, evening calling him out for lying about the fact he couldn’t memorize things when they brought up the time when Kalim held a banquet for the headmaster

· Kalim felt offended for being called out and having his hidden side be revealed before he narrows his eyes and asks what did they know about him

· Starting from there, everything pent up poured out as Kalim raised his voice and continue asking what in the world Yuu/MC knew about him

· Did they know how much he suffered from not being able to eat whatever and wherever he wanted? To not be able to trust anyone or anything? To have to believe that whatever was around him could possibly kill him because of his fate and position?

· Did they know how much he work he did to become powerful and smart enough just so he could stop becoming a weight that sinks people down and instead, do the reverse and help them? To have to pull an act of seeming carefree so he wouldn’t worry anyone from his own emotional burden?

· How much pain he had to swallow in and do his best to act normal after Jamil’s betrayal and confession? How broken hearted he was to have been seen that way by the person he had trusted his whole life while feeling guilty to be the one to make said person feel like that?

· Kalim doesn’t realize he was being hugged or, in fact, crying as he let everything go

· When he calms down, he quickly apologizes to Yuu/MC while Grim comes over and places a box of tissue on the coffee table

· Yuu/MC assures him that it was fine and asks if he now felt better, especially when he was able to stop holding everything in

· He could only nod as he hides his blush of embarrassment behind the tissue he blew his nose into

· Sometimes Kalim wonders if Yuu/MC intentionally tries to frustrates people when Yuu/MC points out how it was because of his weakness – that he cares too much about the people he holds close to and his naivety- that led to Jamil to treat him as a pushover

· Yet he realizes that Yuu/MC was trying to comfort him as they tell him that it was okay for him to be selfish and exert some authority, that it was okay to show he was actually smart beneath his mask as they point out that had Kalim had shown that side of him, he would’ve been able to get Jamil to at least not pull off the stunt seen in Chapter 4 or at least realize by now that Jamil was in the wrong, not him

· Kalim wants to defend Jamil but Yuu/MC didn’t give him the opportunity to as they started to talk about how Jamil had every opportunity to become free without using the whole “use my Unique Magic to the point I overblot” method and finally convinced Kalim that the relationship between him and Jamil wasn’t completely his fault

· Kalim, realizing all of this, felt satisfied and peacefully come in terms with everything as his heart didn’t weigh so heavy anymore. For the first time in a while, Kalim smiles from the bottom of his heart and thanks Yuu/MC before quickly rushing out and head to Leona as he saw on his phone that he was about to be late

· When he meets Leona, Leona doesn’t ask why his eyes seemed swollen up or slightly red as he has Kalim start on his warm ups like usual

· It was during break Leona gruffly asks him if he was alright

· Seeing how Kalim was giving him a questioning look, Leona huffs before he tells Kalim that he heard about “him and Jamil were starting to become friends again” and huffs about how the herbivores in their school aren’t able to notice the tension between the two when the whole hallway thing happened

· Kalim starts grinning, feeling warm and happy that Leona was showing that he cares about Kalim’s wellbeing, before he laughs and tells Leona he’s okay

· He could see Leona holding back his worries and frustration seeing how Leona’s eyebrow was twitching and raising his hand-raising his hand? No, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Leona please put your hand down, I’m sorry, I said I was-!

· Starting from that day, Kalim went back to his normal self. Yet instead of focusing on Jamil, for once, Kalim starts to care for himself as he now hung out with Yuu/MC more, visiting their dorm and hang out with them every so often and continuing his training under Leona

· It was at this point Kalim also became buddies with the Octavinelle trio and having Vil become his “sensei” again, but this time on clothes and make-up

· So, when Yuu/MC suddenly tells him that there was going to be a party held in one of the second year’s classroom, Kalim knew it was lie but still goes there anyways

· He knew Yuu/MC wasn’t the type to lie without a reason

· He never would’ve expected to get locked in a classroom with Jamil, of all people

· The only way to describe the atmosphere between the two of them is awkward

· Sweat rolls down the side of his face as he tries to lighten the pressure between the two of them, starting up small talk and asking the basic pleasantries

· Kalim gets surprised when Jamil, out of nowhere, asks him if he was having fun with his new friends

· Thinking that it was an opportunity, Kalim answers with a yes and went on and on about the things that happened with the people he now hangs out with

· When Kalim started to talk about how he seemed to become closer to Yuu/MC and Leona and unconsciously show his endearment for the two, he stops abruptly after hearing Jamil snort

· He calls out Jamil’s name only to have Jamil suddenly sneer at him for still being “naïve and not learned anything”

· Anger, hurt, and disappointment fills Kalim as Jamil continues to insult him, going on about how he felt bad that his new friends were stuck taking care of a person who didn’t even know how to cook for himself except with magic

· To say he felt satisfied when he surprises Jamil was an understatement. Yeah, Kalim felt mean when he shot back at Jamil mentioning how Jamil would’ve been freed if only he told Kalim

· Making a sneering expression of his own, Kalim points out how, because he’s probably one of the few to know him to the point of reading his mind, Jamil has been trying to get Kalim to accept his offer for help

· Kalim scoffs how Jamil only ended up making enemies despite being able to increase his social status in the school and that he can’t help but think that all of his troubles could’ve been prevented easily

· The two continues to insult each other until they yelling at each other, holding the other one’s collar until they start to emotionally confess everything they had felt during the time they stayed away

· The hands that were holding the other one’s collar slowly and gradually wrap around each other’s shoulders as both Kalim and Jamil sinks onto their knees and hug

· They continue to sob in each other’s embrace, for comfort and forgiveness until they calmed down and let go

· Kalim ends up being the one to break the atmosphere as he couldn’t help but find Jamil’s crying face hilarious. It’s his first-time seeing Jamil look like that and to be honest, it made Jamil look like a kid that cried from a tantrum

· When Jamil shouts at him to shut up, Kalim continues to tease Jamil before he got up and extends his hand to Jamil

· When Jamil looks at the hand then to his eyes, Kalim gives Jamil his famous cheerful grin

· He still counts it his victory when Jamil sighs and took Kalim’s hand

· Feeling as if things were alright, the two started to discuss how to open the locked classroom without damaging it before they hear the classroom’s door bang open

· The two were surprised when they see Leona growling how long they intended to stay in the classroom before they realized that the door wasn’t locked from the start and the whole thing was set up

· Kalim starts complaining to Yuu/MC who comes in behind Leona while turning a blind eye to Leona and how he was threatening Jamil to not think about hurting him anymore

· The two were found walking back to Scarabia Dorm with each other, fooling around just like back then as everyone headed back home

#twst #twisted wonderland #kalim al asim #jamil viper #leona kingscholar #hc #headcanon #kalim deserved better #jamil is a clown i'm sorry

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ruzek-halstead · 4 years ago

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first lines

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns. choose your favourite opening line. then tag 10 of your favourite authors!

thanks so much for the tags @blush-and-books, @bluefirewrites & @thedeathdeelers - this looks fun, i'm excited.

don't think i have 20 yet, but let's goooo:

(from most recent to oldest)

1. there's one thing on my mind (it's all for you) - bookstore au, 3767 words

If three years ago, someone were to tell Luke, he would actively be spending his Friday night in a small, but cozy book store, he would have laughed in their face.

2. i never saw you coming (and i'll never be the same) - grocery store au, 9557 words+

At 20 years-old and a first-year at UC Berkeley, Julie Molina knew that her life was about to become increasingly complicated.

3. relight that spark - a cinderella story rewrite, 40100 words

Julie Molina was a simple girl.

4. i found my hand is holding yours - fake date, post season one, 1637 words

"Okay, so I have a really weird favour to ask."

5. you got that kind of look in your eyes - university au, luke injures julie, 1829 words

Julie Molina was feeling especially refreshed that morning.

6. meet me in the afterglow - university au, exhausted julie in a onesie, 1653 words

Julie could have guessed that university was going to kick her ass; it was practically a given.

7. i remember it all too well - juke cuddles, 1475 words

It had been a hard week for Julie.

8. step into my world - university au, juke beer pong partners, 2985 words

"Get up, underachiever! We're going to a party!"

9. black & white - luke writes julie a song, 2058 words

After the exhausting week Julie had, all she wanted to do was relax in her garage and binge some Netflix.

10. all i want for christmas is you - holiday university au, fake dating, 17533 words

"I need you."

11. it's a love story - willex wedding/julie maid of honour + luke/reggie best men au, 3628

Julie had never been so stressed out in her life.

12. story to tell - runner julie/innocent bystander luke au, 1460 words

Julie doesn't run.

13. midnight troubles - high school, fake baby au, 4270 words

"Time to hand out your new babies!"

14. the one that (almost) got away - university au, julie needs to distract her ex, 2274 words

It was a month before finals and Julie's to-do list was piling up.

15. dead of night - university au, fire alarm at two a.m., 1836 words

When Julie heard the blaring alarm blasting throughout the room, she nearly cried.

16. misery loves company - sick luke, boys are alive au, 2231 words

They were an hour into their band practice, and one thing was becoming increasingly obvious.

17. challenge accepted - high school, rivals au, 19223 words

"Go Nick! You've got this baby!"

18. the moment - famous sunset curve au, 3321 words

"You're late."

19. this thing - incredibly jealous luke, 1960 words

When Caleb's curse was broken, and Luke could finally touch Julie, he thought that everything would change.

20. something's brewing - university, coffeeshop au, 1686 words

Julie cursed the day she ever decided to become a psychiatrist.

trends?? well, look at that, i do have 20!! as for a trend, they look pretty all over the place??? if i'm writing from julie's perspective, i seem to mention her name in the first line quite a lot. if it's a very specific prompt and very direct to the point, i'll just start right away with dialogue. or i'll just start very general. so yeah, pretty all over the place.

favourite one?? probably just the simple "i need you" bc at first glance, it seems so intense but when you actually read it, you see that luke literally chokes on his coffee and julie's like "i need you, well - i need your help" and it goes from thereeeee.

i know i only did my jatp fics, but i'll tag some of my one chicago mutuals in case they want to get in on this fun activity :)

tagging (sorry if you've already been tagged!!): @alexthedrummerboy @ourstarscollided @alexjulies @tangledstarlight @anna-justice @echocharm17618 @haileyyanneupton @lissethsrojas & anyone else who wants to do it!!

#fic games

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bluescreening · 4 years ago

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Practical GCSE Advice

Tips From A New Year 12 Who Somehow Got All 9s

Don’t worry, I’m not becoming a studyblr. I’m writing this on results day as a sort of farewell to GCSEs and to impart some “wisdom” upon the youngsters before I move on to A-levels. I’m going to keep this to specific, practical things you can do to improve, none of that vague nonsense. Subject-specific tips for maths, geography, triple science, language, literature, graphic comms and comp sci under the fold because this is too bloody long already.

General Tips:

Don’t go revision crazy. People will always emphasize revision, but so long as you’re revising effectively (see below) you’re safe to start revising about a month before mocks, and two months before your final exams. In terms of a revision schedule during those months, I worked with one or two hours per day, with a free day on Friday and Sunday.

Use apps to stay organised. Put your school timetable and exam dates in your calendar of choice with appropriate reminders and colour coding. To keep track of homework and revision, use Adapt - you can put in your GCSEs and it tracks which topics you have covered and how many times, as well as allowing you to input homework and your school timetable. During study time use Forest (free on Android) to lock yourself out of your phone for a certain amount of time.

Pay attention to lessons from the start. From the beginning of Year 10 every lesson is a GCSE lesson, and everything you learn could come up in an exam. Follow along with your teacher, make the best notes you can, do the work and understand the concepts as early as you can. You’ll thank yourself in a year as you watch the rest of your class wonder what a ribosome is when revision time comes.

Revise effectively. Use Adapt or a textbook to keep track of your confidence level on every topic, so when you’re revising you can focus on the ones you don’t understand whatsoever. Also, don’t just read stuff when revising. You have to train your brain to retrieve the information. Memorise vocabulary and basic facts using flashcards, then answer exam questions. Lots and lots of exam questions.

Use your teachers. They want you to succeed because it reflects well on them! If you don’t understand something after a lesson, pop back at break or lunch, or shoot them an email and they will help. Don’t just bank on it not showing up in the test because Sod’s Law dictates that it will. After Christmas in Year 11 they will often start revision sessions or intervention. Attend them for any subjects you’re even slightly shaky on. They’ll boost your grade like nothing else, even if it does take up some of your chill out time.

Buy textbooks and study materials through school. If your school offers you textbooks and workbooks it’s likely that will be the best deal for them, since they’re purchased in bulk. Grab all you can in Year 10 and talk to the school if you can’t afford many - they may be willing to help. If you know any higher-level teachers see if they have any sample study materials from CGP and the like. My English teacher gave me a lovely set of sample CGP Macbeth flashcards that would have proved really useful.

Make flashcards at the end of every topic. Stay on top of them. You want a term on one side and a definition on the other, or a quote and analysis etc. If you don’t like endless bits of card floating around use Quizlet - you might not even need to make them yourself as many people have shared GCSE flashcards there.

And finally - don’t forget you’re a human! Humans need regular sleep, healthy food including breakfasts, hydration, fun and social time. Make time in your day to take care of yourself. Your brain works better when you’re healthy so often an extra hour of sleep will do more for your grade than an extra hour of revision. Hanging out with your friends and keeping up with your hobbies reduces stress.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have about any of this stuff, or if you just need advice I’m here too! I’ve done it before, I can help you out.

Subject Specific Tips:

Edexcel Maths:

Use CorbettMaths. All the time. If you haven’t done every one of his worksheets at least once you’re not grinding hard enough. Jk, but seriously this guy used to teach me in real life and he’s awesome. He makes flashcard packs, videos on every aspect of GCSE maths, daily challenges, textbook exercises, practice exam questions... literally everything you could ever need.

Practice everything until you’re sick of it, and then do ten more questions.

You’ll need to memorise some trig identities. Don’t memorise them as a table, that’s hard. Memorise them as these triangles, sketch them out in an exam and work it out on the spot. Easy.

AQA Geography:

Don’t goof off during your fieldwork. Don’t make the same mistake as me. If I ever had to do the fieldwork paper I would not have got a 9. Even though it’s a field trip, even though you’re with your friends, this will directly impact your GCSEs and you need to treat it like an exam.

Memorise vocabulary then move onto exam questions. Geography is very formulaic and exam questions repeat themselves - take advantage of that.

Memorise. Your. Case. Studies.

AQA Biology, Chemistry and Physics:

A l l h a i l f r e e s c i e n c e l e s s o n s .

Practice those reading comprehension questions where you’re presented with information and have to answer questions about them. A surprising amount of people get overwhelmed because they haven’t revised it. You can’t! You have to read and understand it within the exam.

Memorise your bloody equations for physics or you will fail. Use Quizlet, learn them all by the end of year 10 even if you don’t know what they’re about yet, practice using them.

Buy the CGP workbooks and complete them! Make sure to buy the answers too, because CGP are scammers.

AQA English Language and Literature:

Identify 10-20 brief quotes from each piece of literature so you have a few for each character and theme. They can overlap! Also, memorise the author’s intentions for each one. With poems (for those of you who have to do them... I’m not salty, I promise) ask your teacher to recommend 5 that match up with the most themes and memorise 3 quotes from each. Remember to analyse the rest of the poems too - any of them could come up so it’s good to have an understanding.

Memorise structures for every question. The examiners will tell you not to use structures. Shut up, I got all 9s. Structures are the best way for slow writers to ensure they get everything they need to in. TETAAC (topic, evidence, terminology, analysis, alternative interpretation, context) works for lit essays and can be modified for every other question. Work out how many paragraphs you can write in 40 minutes and take that into account when planning. Once the plan is done it’s just a matter of making it sound frilly. English: hacked. My normal plan for a lit essay is a one-sentence thesis statement for an intro, 3xTETAAC paragraphs and a conclusion which reiterates everything but better.

Don’t worry if your grade is terrifyingly low to begin with. That’s just how English rolls. You’ll slowly develop the skills you need and start to make 3 or 4 grades of progress throughout year 11.

OCR Art and Design - Graphic Communication:

Think long and hard about whether you want to do graphics or fine art, if your school offers both. Graphics is designing logos, fine art is whatever you want. I should have taken fine art in retrospect.

Make as much work as possible from the very start, even if you haven’t decided on your portfolio project yet. Everything, and I mean everything, can be shoehorned. If you make a lot of work you have some leeway and can leave out your early stuff so your overall portfolio looks better.

Annotate as you go and store all your thoughts digitally. Even if you have no clue what you’re supposed to write in annotations, put down your thought process. It’s easy to tidy up something you wrote a year ago, but it’s really hard to stare at a letter F made out of newspaper and remember where on earth you were going with it.

To make enough work you will need to stay after school often and give up a lot of lunch times. That’s just how it goes. At least with the right crew it can be fun - the combo of my friends and the very chaotic art teachers at my school made my Thursday graphics sessions something to look forward to.

OCR Computer Science:

Use Quizlet flashcards to memorise terms. Being able to correctly define terms is half the battle, literally. You’ll basically get an instant 9 on the first paper if you memorise every term defined in the textbook. Luckily, someone beautiful and generous by the name of sporkified (wink wink) on Quizlet has created two sets with everything you need to know for the entire qualification.

Practice programming in your chosen language before your programming project starts. Learn to do everything mentioned in the textbook and try it out on a sample project. Many will tell you to not bother about the programming project, it doesn’t matter. That’s true to some extent, but excelling in the programming project can tip you up a grade as well as making the algorithm questions on paper 2 easier for you.

Take part in Cyber Discovery. Give it a Google, sign up. It’s really hard if you have no practical computer experience but doing it gave me a real edge with paper 2 which is where you want to focus your energy as it’s weighted more. Also it’s fun.

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honestlyhufflepuff · 4 years ago

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Here are 20 reasons I am leaving the caregiver job with the client I've had since 2008: a list of unprofessional behavior and abuse by my client's guardian.

1. She said I wasn't Christian anymore, and said I was disrespecting my mother, for leaving the church I was raised in.

2. During the first year of employment, she would yell at me multiple times a week over things like leaving a lamp on (this is while I was caring for her medically fragile, high needs adult daughter). She would accuse me of being incompetent or trying to get fired for unemployment.

3. She told me I was not approved off for my honeymoon, less than a month beforehand, when I gave her over 5 months notice with consistent reminders. She harassed me over several texts while I was on my honeymoon saying I would be fired if I did not return a week earlier than I was supposed to.

4. She told me I still had to come in when I was sick and vomiting because she did not believe me. I became dehydrated and was vomiting so much that I had uncontrollable dry heaving and was unable to drive home. She refused to come home early when I told her of my symptoms, and when she did come home to see me retching into her trash can, she started handing me cleaning supplies to disinfect the trash can and the entire bathroom before I went to the emergency room...

5. ...there was no apology or ownership in forcing a sick employee to work to the point of needing to be hospitalized. She would not accept that I could not come into work for the next 3 days until my husband delivered the doctor's note.

6. I worked there throughout college, and would present my new school schedule each semester. For one class, I made the mistake of scheduling it after work. She said the schedule worked with her, but then consistently got home 30 min to and hour late. I missed so many classes that I had to withdraw.

7. Even after the hospitalization mentioned in #3, she would continue to be skeptical of any time I called in sick over the years (which wasn't often). I had no PTO or sick leave to use even when I was full time, so when I took off I didn't get paid. I was never approved to take off for any reason, and when I did take off it was accompanied by a massive guilt trip about how I was putting her family in a bind. It did not matter if it was a vacation, an illness, a doctor's appointment, or a family emergency. It also did not matter how much or little notice I gave; the guilt trips and emotional manipulation still accompanied any time I needed off. To this day, with every job I've had, I am always incredibly anxious about asking off, but it's never been a problem anywhere else I've worked.

8. Emotionally manipulative things she has said to get me to stay:

-"We don't have anyone else. I have to go to my job in order to care for [client's name]. You would be jeopardizing my job by leaving, and her well being." (If pressed she eventually admits to not looking for anyone else)

-"[Client's name] loves you like a sister, and her quality of life would go down significantly without you..." continues to tell me that if I don't do what she wants then I don't love or care for the client, even if it is because I need a job with higher pay and benefits to support my own family.

-"I thought the two of us were friends. This is very selfish of you." (Any time I don't do what she wants, like continuing to go to school full time).

-"God has put her in your life for a reason. You are called as spiritual sisters. It's your responsibility to care for her."

-"In the real world-the business world- other people won't be ok with you just taking off without approval. It's insubordinate and unprofessional." I was only 18 when she told me this, and young enough to believe her. Once again, I've literally never had a problem taking off with any other client or job because I often had PTO, and was always able to obtain leave approval easily. Even when it meant the client parent had to take off from work, they understood that the onus was on them to find the needed staff to account for people needing sick days and vacation.

9. She puts me in the middle of personal drama, constantly bad-mouthing the client's father and other attendants (who all inevitably leave after a year or two at most).

10. Told me, after a decade of infertility, that God told her I would become pregnant and have a son I was to name Amos. She said it would only become true if I prayed about it, so now when I most likely don't become pregnant, I feel it will be blamed on my lack of faith- or the fact that I am a different faith from her. I feel this instance was truly out of good intention, but ultimately unprofessional and something I would have preferred she keep to herself.

11. For years, she never got home when she said she would. I could never make plans after work because she would agree to come home at 7 and sometimes not make it home until 8:30. She always blamed traffic, needing to run an errand, or her boss keeping her. Then, when I had my own child I had to pick up from an after school program, she consitently got home on time. This showed me that she did have the executive functioning skills to be on time, but did not respect my personal time or work with other clients enough to do so before I was a parent.

12. I bent over backwards trying to help her. I scheduled less time with higher paying clients that were lower need. I sometimes worked 60 hour weeks while I was also in school. It never felt like it was enough. Even for the time I was working there 6 hours a week it was always "Why can't you stay later? Where do you have to be?" The more I gave, the more was expected, and then I was guilted for not meeting that higher expectation.

13. She refused to take the time to have team meetings with other service providers and caregivers, despite the fact all my other client families do this, and keep staff much more consistently as a result. Because of this, information and instructions were always inconsistent. With the client being significantly behaviorally challenged and medically fragile, this was at everyone's detriment.

14. Over the years, I referred 3 friends to work for her because she insisted she could not find caregivers on her own. All 3 of them lasted less than a year due to her behavior. She would then blame them and trash talk them to me, despite knowing I was still friends with them.

15. She expected caregivers to also deep clean the house. We are talking hours worth of work, that there just was not time for within the shift while also meeting the needs of the client.

16. She is openly homophobic, xenophobic, and although she thinks of herself as "not racist," she was extremely weird towards my besf friend's African fiancé. She refused to shake his hand and told me she didn't think he was with her for the "right reasons." Maybe thought he was in it for a green card? She seemed skeptical when I told her that he became a citizen 2 years prior, and that they'd been dating 6 years.

17. She has systematically isolated my adult client more and more over the years. We used to share many interests in things like Harry Potter, early 2000's pop, anime, Harajuku fashion, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc. One by one, everything we bonded over was off limits, due to being a "bad influence" or "demonic." She is no longer allowed to engage in any age-expected media unless it is explicitly Christian, and it breaks my heart to see how sad she gets about that.

18. When I was in college, and completely broke after just paying for books and classes, she said that she wanted me to go to the water park with her and the client. Admission was $50. I assumed she was paying since I was being required to go for work, and this was always what was done in the past. In the car, I asked if I could ride a roller coaster that the client wouldn't be able to go on while they ate ice cream. She said "Sure! You can ride whatever you like!"

So, I start getting excited. We're chatting pleasantly until the moment when she says "OK, when we get out of the car, you can go pay for your ticket first, and then I will bring..."

My stomach dropped. I told her there was a misunderstanding, and that I could not afford my ticket. She acted like it wasn't right that she should have to pay for mine. I told her that if she didn't want to, then I could study at the Starbucks across the street while they attended the park. She said no, because obviously she still wanted my help with her daughter. She paid for my ticket, making passive aggressive comments the whole time about everything I did, from how I pushed the wheelchair to how long I took to go to the bathroom despite the line.

I was no longer permitted to go ride the roller coaster, and I sat in silence while they ate their ice cream.

19. Recently, due to Covid, I do not have child care for my own daughter on Fridays. I have been bringing her to work with me, which my client's mom was supportive of. Then the client had drastic behavioral changes that I won't detail, but that O can say was significantly stressful on my daughter, and made it stressful for me to manage both of them at the same time. I told the mother, 2 weeks in advance, that I could not come in on Fridays until the behavior was consistently resolved. I do not want to get a sitter outside of maybe my aunt, due to covid, and I wouldn't expect her to do that every week. My client's mom was very understanding of this at first, seeing as we both now have special needs children, but the night before the next Friday I was scheduled to come in she berated me for not finding babysitting to the point that I started to panic. I firmly told her that I gave her plenty of notice, and then blocked her number up until the day I was scheduled to come back in.

20. When she is home at the same time I am helping her daughter, she micromanages everything. I think she is incapable of just letting me do the same work I've been doing for over a decade without standing over my shoulder and looking for something wrong.

Some background info:

I wanted to write this, first of all, to document all the reasons that I am justified in leaving, so that I can refer back to it no matter how hard she tries to get me to stay. This is like my anonymous way of getting it off my chest since no one who follows me on here knows me irl. Second of all, I want all the young professionals on here to know that, if they are treated like this in the work place, it is ok to leave!

I started working for this family when I was 18, and I am now 31. I have worked as many as 60 hour weeks, and as little as twice a month when I was full time with the state, but I have always cared for her in some capacity since 2008. I am currently working 15-20 hours a week with her.

You may wonder why I've stayed so long, and in regards to that I will say first of all that abusive relationships are hard to leave. The abuser may convince you that you are bad and won't find anywhere else good enough to take you. This can pertain to any type of relationship, be it romantic, professional, parental, or friends.

Another factor is that I love my client deeply, and my employer takes advantage of that. We grew up childhood friends, which is one reason maintaining professional boundaries with this family has been so hard.

The last reason I have stayed may be the hardest to explain, but I will try.

Sometimes she is good. My employer has made improvements over the years. Most of the worst things on here happened when I was in college. I don't know if her improvement is due to a genuine change in heart, or because she knows deep down that her behavior is why all the other caregivers left.

Whatever the reason, we do actually care for each other. We do actually connect and have a good time. She is kind to my husband and my daughter. She often tells me that I am a godsend to her family, a loyal and talented caregiver, and the best friend her daughter has ever had (although she will contradict this the moment I am not doing what she wants).

What I want people in similar situations to know is that the good moments do not erase the trauma of the bad ones. It is not my responsibility to "get over it" because she is trying to do better. A lot of the stuff she has said and done run too deep, and when she lapses into her old ways, I find myself reacting in a panic-driven, irritable way that's not really me. It's a reaction to trauma. I am not required to continue to stay at an underpaid job with an environment that evokes such emotions.

So please, if you are being treated like this in your job, then leave. You will find something else. For me, I intend to have another job lined up before leaving, but I'm on my way. For the first time in years, I've revamped my resumé, and it felt so empowering to work on a document that highlights my strengths!

For anyone in a similar position, you've got this. There are a lot of great jobs out there. There are a lot of humane employers. If you are treated like this, then label it for what it is. It is abuse. It is unhealthy. It is not ok. It is not erased by the times they are nice. And you deserve better.

#knowyourworth #employer #abuse #personal #lizzy speaks #personal vent #long post #text post #not su related #sorry for all the grammar errors i wrote this on mobile

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bellasharifuddin · 3 years ago

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The Day I Became a Mother

It’s been a while since I last post anything here, typing feels awkward as well. But this has always been a thing that I wanted to do since the day I’ve given birth, to document and blog about my pregnancy and my birth journey, so in 4-5 years to come when my memories fade, I can always come back to reminisce every detail that I keep here, like a memory capsule.

The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant.

You know, when people say that when you have a strong intuition about something, trust your gut feeling, because it’s often true. Mirin and I have always talked about having kids, me wanting a baby so much within months after we got married, however, Mirin having second thoughts about it. We were both married for less than a year, sleeping on a toto without a mattress or a bed, living in the deep slum of Wangsa Maju area where the rats are larger than the cats. Hahaha. Naturally, given our circumstances, he’d want to take things slow.

Fast forward to a couple of months, we went out for some steaks and karaoke on a weekend night. I told mirin to stop by Watsons, for me to buy a pregnancy test kit. Mirin didn’t question much, because occasionally I would randomly buy one, just for fun. But this time, I didnt just get one. I ended up buying three. Why? Because somehow, I had a strong feeling this time. I just felt... weird. It was a feeling that I can’t put it into words.

We came home at midnight, I went to the bathroom too “pee on the stick”. Then I saw the first line... a few seconds later comes the second one. Oh my god. Okay. I knew Mirin was standing outside the toilet door, waiting. Eventually, I had to break the news to him. When I showed to Mirin, we both ended up hugging and crying. Was I happy? Was I in shock? Was I sad? Yes, a little bit of everything. Its funny that all you’ve wanted was a baby, then when it actually happens, suddenly you’re freaked out. Happy that its a blessing. Sad that it hits you without a warning.

Pregnant!

When the morning sickness finally kicked in, I knew we couldn’t live in the current house. Its not the best place to raise a child. And the next-door neighbor was having major renovation that was super loud and noisy. After sleepless nights and searching for a new place, we eventually moved out. Bought our first bed, bought our first dining table, bought our first gas stove. A many of firsts. Soon we finally bought a baby cot from Ikea. We bought it too early. Although it was too early to put it up, but Mirin assembled it anyways. I could tell that he was excited. It was such a fun and exciting moment, for the both of us.

But those were the fun part. Like most pregnancies, the not so fun part about being pregnant was me being diagnosed with Pregnancy Hypertension during my 36th week of pregnancy. My blood pressure spiked up to 140/100 on two consecutive readings, and the next thing I know, that I’m sitting in an ambulance, on my way to Hospital Kuala Lumpur’s emergency building.

At Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for an available bed

Mirin bought me the entire family mart food available xD

I spent 3 nights in their maternity wards, finally discharged after the doctor told me that I was clear to go. While I was in the hospital, it pains me to see new mothers struggling during the COVID19 pandemic. Throughout your stay, no visitations were allowed from anyone including your husband. If your baby cries or if you’re in pain, you’d have figure it out yourself. I remember praying to god while crying that I do not want to be induced there. The ward was stuffy and hot. There were too many people crammed in a room. It was hell.

The Day That I Give Birth

One week after my discharge, we both went for my monthly checkup with my OBGYN at Pantai. Again, my doctor advised me to be induced tomorrow, since my blood pressure spiked again, and I was almost full term (38 weeks) so it was okay to go. She told me that “It’s best to get the baby out or else you boleh kena sawan” OMG Okay okay. So we packed our bags, ate sushi for dinner, slept soundly for the very last time, and headed to the hospital again at 9 am the next morning.

Induction day. We definitely overpacked haha

Arrived at the hospital lobby, did a mandatory swab test before entering

Appointment card. Booked and paid for the accommodations prior to checking in

I was told to change into my labor robe (I’m not too sure what it’s called), and waited. When my doctor finally arrived, she then began to insert some sort of a plastic strip deeeeeep into my cervix. Ouch, that hurts. Okay, so that’s how induction works eh? Then I was given antibiotics into my IV drip too, since I was GBS (Group-B Strep) Positive as well.

Toilet selfie! Calm before the storm

After an hour, I felt the contraction. Initially it was uncomfortable, then it hurts like hell. The contractions felt like period pain but like a million times worse. Occasionally, Doctor Haslinda would come and check on my “bukaan”. Hours passed. 1cm... 2cm... 3cm.... when I finally said:

“Omg sakit sangat dah tak tahan, I want an epidural!“

Ok no, that was a lie. I initially didn’t want to take an epidural. I wanted to try and bear with the pain, but Mirin convinced me to take it, so after tossing and turning like a dying fish I finally said okay.

The anesthesiologist came after what felt like an eternity, and asked me to sign a consent form. I’m not really sure what was written in that. Siapa je ada masa nak baca terms and conditions panjang panjang bila tengah contractions???

He told me to sit on the edge of the bed, while hugging a pillow. I remembered him injecting some numbing spray, then I felt the BIG NEEDLE poking through my spine. Then.. that was it. It was so fast. The entire process took only 5 mins. Was it painful as I thought it would be? No. Was it still scary tho? Yep hahaha.

Soon after, Dr Haslinda pecahkan air ketuban when I was 4cm dilated. It didnt hurt because I was on epidural, but I felt so much warm liquid flowing out non-stop. So bizarre.

Once you’re on epidural, you’re basically bed-ridden. No bathroom trips anymore, my legs feel like jelly. Sometimes the nurse will come to empty my bladder with a catheter. When the epidural kicked in, I could finally sleep. I slept like a baby. I slept for hours. Painless. No more feeling like a dying fish. And so I thought.............

3am. I woke up with INTENSE CONTRACTION PAIN. Why is it so painful? I thought I’m on epidural? I called the nurse straight away. Turned out the epidural drug ran out. It was sooo stressful because the nurse that was on duty that night didn’t know how to topap balik the epidural drug into the machine. She called her colleague, then the colleague also tak tahu. Then both of them spent like forever to troubleshoot how to use the machine, sampai lastly kena call doctor tanya. YA ALLAH, rasa macam nak maki je.

7am the next day. Bukaan baru 7-8cm. Doctor decided to use another form of induction to speed up the process. It’s called pitocin, and injected through my IV drip. Within MINUTES, I could feel very intense and painful contractions, that the epidural can’t even help. So throughout the remaining 7cm to 10cm, I felt every inch of real labor pain. I clenched Mirin’s hand. So tightly that I think it got bruised. A minute felt like an hour, and an hour felt like years. It was soo bad that my memory was so fuzzy.

Finally, it was 10cm. Time to go. They put both of my legs up, macam gambar bawah ni haha:

Picture courtesy from Google

There were two nurses, one small cute Malay nurse, one pregnant Indian nurse, and my OBGYN, Dr Haslinda. I love them all, they were so supportive and nice to me throughout my labor process. My doctor taught me how to push correctly:

“Take a deeeeeeep breath then tahan, clench your fists, chin down and teran macam nak berak sekuat-kuat hati“

I was so determined to get the baby out. I just wanted the contraction pain to end. I did everything they told me to do. I hold on to Mirin’s hand, and PUSHHHHHHHEDDDDDD! I could hear Mirin saying “You’re doing great sayang!” After several pushes, and some sips of water breaks, the baby’s head is almost out. The head was the hardest to push. Besar! I literally felt like my down there was stretching to its limit. Once the head is out, I did another small push, and the rest of the baby’s body macam keluar instantly macam super slimy like that haha.

Finally the baby is out! 8.26AM! The contractions stopped immediately. I instantly feel like I wasn’t pregnant anymore. The doctor then injected something on my thigh, then my uri just popped right out haha. My body felt so tired, but so so light. Lega, yay no longer pregnant haha. I ended up having second degree perineal tear without an episiotomy, and was stitched. I felt the benang, ngilu. I felt the needle pierced through my muscles too. But it didnt hurt so it wasn’t too bad.

The baby gets cleaned up. Then soon all of the nurses left the labor room, it was just me, Mirin and our baby. Mirin picked her up, and azankan. Mirin started crying, I cried too. It was magical :’)

We did skin to skin and tried breastfeeding for the first time. As I look at her, hair was so thick. Her cute little fingers. Her beautiful face. She’s perfect.

I slept for 5 hours straight after the labor

Thinking back, I have no idea how I managed to muster such courage to go through all these. Mirin even told me that during the active labor stage, when I was pushing, at one point I pushed so hard that my entire face turned blue. Talk about adrenaline.

Do I want to have another baby? Well, lets keep a rain check on that question for another few more years to come xD

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1070

[found at: --rainboweyes--]

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? The one time I did pottery was I thinkkkkk during our trip to Vigan? Somewhere up north, anyway. That was around 3 or 4 years ago.

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I love looking at art and can be in museums all day long; but I hate analyzing it and having to read into metaphors or symbolisms. I just appreciate the brush strokes, the colors used...basically the skills and hard work that went into the artwork.

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12 hours or sharp for 2? Sharp for two, plz. I have had dull headaches all week that have lasted into the night and I absolutely hate it.

Koala or Kangaroo? I like either.

Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Of course.

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? President. Our current one’s an incompetent one, but yeah a president I guess.

Does blue occur in your national flag? Yes. We place the blue section on top when the country’s at peace, and we flip it to the bottom side if we’re otherwise at war - fortunately I’ve never seen the red be put on top throughout my lifetime so far.

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer? I’ve personally never seen the appeal of either, but that’s just me.

If yes, do you play and what position? If not, leave blank.

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? I’d like to be a scientist, just not a famous one. Like can I just be lowkey smart? Lmao

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Pilot. That would have been so rad. I have a friend who flies nearly every week and his photos always look awesome. Maybe I’ll take lessons one day.

Does making others happy really make you feel happy? It’s my main way of keeping happy.

What color literally doesn't appear in your wardrobe at all? Purple. Never looked good on me. I wanna add orange since I dislike the color as well, but I remember the orange top I have that I never got around to throwing out. I’m pretty sure I also don’t own any brown.

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys [I do]? Yes. Sometimes I’ll be gone for several days and there’ll be so many new survey entries that I can’t always read everyone’s answers, but for the most part I do try to take a look at the ones I see.

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? I’ve sworn at them behind their backs, but that’s it.

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another 'sharp' plant? I’ve definitely been a victim of thorns before.

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you? It makes me lonely for the most part. But I was happy this year because my dad was home, and both sides of my family managed to make get-togethers work while still following protocol.

Have you ever wrote your own short story? I tried writing fanfiction when I first discovered them, but that was when I learned I was unbelievably terrible with fictional work. My career as a budding author did not last any longer than two weeks, lmao.

What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn't finish? Nope. I believe I tried this as well, but I just didn’t have both the creativity and commitment for it.

Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: Couples I shipped and that is cringey enough so that is all you need to know.

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? When it comes to fanfiction still? Or just in general? I like stories that are most likely to happen in real life, so I enjoy dramas the most. Romcoms are also cute and they’re what I turn to whenever I need to de-stress. I do like horror as well but my interest has waned a bit through the years; sci-fi is a hit or miss for me; I don’t hold any interest for either fantasy or action.

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? It’s hard to hold a lot of that these days.

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought] Right now I want a projector. I keep YouTube videos playing on my phone throughout my shift to serve as background noise, but I wish I had a bigger screen :( I have a blank wall in my room so a projector would be perfect rn.

Would $100/$60 be enough for this item? I can definitely find a projector in that price range on Shopee, lol.

How about $1000/$600? That’s more than enough and can get me a high-end projector at this point.

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? The last one is a priority for me now.

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? I’ve been to many places rumored to be haunted, like particular spots in my high school.

What did it look like and what were the circumstances? Idk the so-called haunted areas in my school were all everyday spots, like certain washrooms and the penthouse in the high school building. An outsider probably wouldn’t suspect they were haunted unless someone else told them.

It’s nearing 10:30 PM and it’s pitch-black in my room, so I’d rather not explain the stories behind the ~haunted spots LOL

What's your favorite dip? Depends on what food I’m dipping? There are so many kinds of dips, dude.

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? Just chocolate cookies? As in double chocolate, not chocolate chip? I never liked that flavor. I’m going with fudge brownies.

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? It will depend on their personality. Cooper was a smartass from the get-go so we named him after Sheldon Cooper.

Is crime a big problem in your area? Not in my city, fortunately. But my country generally doesn’t have a good rep when it comes to crime. I always hear of unjust killings every week, if not every day.

What's your town/city most well known for? Being on a mountain, a famous biking spot, a famous climbing spot, the view of the metro it gives at night.

Do you know a Jack? What's he like? I don’t think so. No one is coming to mind.

How about a Lisa? What's she like? Our neighbor from my childhood home is a Lisa. I have not seen her since I was like 10, so I have no clue how she’s doing these days.

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? Same age, since most of my friends are the people I went to high school/college with.

Do you subconsciously hang out with those with the same star sign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? Think about it: Astrology makes me cringe.

Name 5 objects that you don't have but would like right now? A 2021 planner, scented candles, Ivy Park merch, a massage pillow, skincare products.

When you have children, would you like twins? Probably not.

Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? Yeah I was classmates with a pair in an English elective I had in college. We ended up being friends that semester, but we don’t interact much anymore. I’m not giving away their names, but I’m sad that I was never able to tell them apart :/

If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? Absolutely yeah, if it were possible. I’d preferably have all girls.

What instrument would you love to learn how to play? The piano.

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? If it comes out as a loud thud, yeah. It’s more likely to irritate me, though.

What's the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? Skipping this as it’s nearing 10:45 PM and I don’t need any images to come to mind right now lol

Do you miss someone currently? Always.

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for [if comfy saying]? Needed to get a urine and blood test to check my platelet count, because my parents and I thought I had dengue.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? December 2019 when I needed a pesky toothache dealt with ASAP, and when my dentist discovered a decayed tooth that needed to be removed.

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? We don’t have a family doctor. I only go to the doctor when I’m sick, and we go to different ones every time haha.

What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? Everyone hides their emotions, to a point that it’s unhealthy. No one just wants to address the elephant in the room, which is precisely a part of the problem. I’m 100% certain we are all suffering and fighting our own battles quietly.

The survey’s ended. I hope you enjoyed it. :) This was a pleasant one to take :)

#survey #surveys

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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

Text

Rising from the Ashes (14/?)

Summary: When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones.

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: Two chapters in one week? What? I’m trying to get back to spacing this and BOTB out, so this one gets another posting even though I’m not entirely sure if my writing speed for chapters will keep up. I’m nervous about this chapter. Seriously. I’ve read through it a lot. So I hope that you guys like it 💕

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @jamif @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snowbellewells @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64

There’s absolutely no reason for him to be running today. He doesn’t have the time. He should be in his office reviewing his presentation for tomorrow. He and Robin have spent weeks preparing “what if” scenarios for soldiers to have to run through in the new basic training regimes, and it’s been such a challenge having to form things for teaching instead of actual warfare. He’s been retired from the Navy for half a decade this year, and yet he still spends nearly every day of his life reliving scenes and memories of his time in the military. It’s a bit of the crux of being a career military man. When you get out, what are you qualified to do?

Not everyone has this problem. A lot of people go to school through the services and learn trades. He didn’t go to school, but he did learn a trade in logistics and planning to make sure that the ships didn’t go down in the middle of the night by some kind of Titanic shaped iceberg or an attack. It’s still what he does now, even as a civilian. He’d like to quit one day, to do something calmer, do something that doesn’t bring back so many memories of loss or bring forth so much stress, but this job pays well and supports his family. He can stay at least until Ada goes to college.

In seventeen years.

He’s going to be fifty-five in seventeen years. That’s odd for him to think about, but it’s exactly what he thinks of as his legs burn, the muscles and joints aching a bit more than they used to when he was younger. It’s usually not too bad, the running helping more than hurting, but some days it’s not as easy to hold his daughter above his head to make her giggle or to make love to Emma.

Just last week he’d gotten a cramp right in the middle of their activities, and Emma had laughed so hard that he had started laughing too.

Mostly he was laughing through the pain.

That cramp may still be going on in his right thigh.

It’s always an adventure.

And maybe one day it’ll be an adventure where he can take Emma sailing without any thoughts of war and the pros and cons of Norway randomly invading Afghanistan on a particular day or time.

So maybe that’s why he runs. He’s got a lot that he thinks about, personally and professionally, and the release of endorphins fuels him in a way. It stresses his joints, but it destresses his mind. Besides, he will admit that while he doesn’t think he’s a particularly vain man, he does appreciate the way Emma tugs on her bottom lip with her teeth when he lifts her from the ground or the way that she runs her fingers over the muscles of his stomach. Plus, he wants to be healthy for his kids.

That’s why he keeps running for the next thirty minutes, his legs pounding against the pavement and sweat beading at his forehead and down his back, the early February chill keeping him cool to a point where he knows he’ll start sweating more when he gets inside. It always happens, so it takes him a little while longer to cool down and to take a shower at the gym that’s around the block from his office.

“Jones,” a familiar voice calls to him when he’s just finished buttoning up his shirt, and he turns to look at Neal, his hair sopping wet like he’s just showered as well, “aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“I could say the same to you,” he laughs as he pushes his hair back, hoping that it’ll dry correctly since he doesn’t have any of his gel with me. “Lunch break?”

“Yeah, I don’t usually make it here, but it’s been kind of a slow day. Figured I’d eat while I work.”

“That’s how it goes,” he sighs. He bends down to lace his shoes, pulling up his socks the slightest bit before he turns to look back at Neal. “Hey, so Emma is dropping Henry off at my office, and I’m taking him to his therapy appointment. Do you want a ride?”

Neal’s really got to get a car, but now that he might be moving, he’s decided to put off the purchase until he knows for sure where he’s living. It’s likely a good thing. This way he can save up money and put as much down as possible without having to worry about making far too many payments with interest rates the way they are. And if he’s in DC, he may not even need a vehicle. It’s all complicated and still a bit messy, but he and Emma have made plans to sit down and talk to Neal sometime this week, possibly tonight, so that they can actually get through some of this. It’s odd basically regulating a grown man, one who is older than both of them, but they’re trying to figure out how to be a family. Sometimes that takes awkward conversations.

He’s not exactly looking forward to this particular conversation because he’s struggling with the thought that Henry might have to spend some time away from them. Emma is worrying herself sick about it, and she doesn’t even know what’s going to happen. Neither of them do. Hell, Neal likely doesn’t. If he’s honest with himself, Neal likely hasn’t put much thought into either. Killian’s not sure if it’s because Neal hasn’t realized that technically he has a right to having Henry live with him or if he doesn’t care.

Scratch that. Of course Neal cares. He loves Henry, but sometimes he thinks that Neal is more concerned about impressing Henry than being his father. Maybe he still doesn’t know how, maybe he doesn’t think he belongs as a part of their family. He can understand that. He felt that way for a long time, and it must still be difficult for Neal. It might not ever not be difficult, but all he and Emma want is for Neal to feel at home.

And be a father to Henry, to not worry about trying to be more fun or the one who gives better presents. He’s getting there. He really is, and maybe if he and Emma did a better job, Neal would feel more at home.

They’re trying. For as hard as it is on them, he also knows that it’s hard on Neal. So they’re all trying.

“His appointment is at five, yeah?”

“On the dot.”

Neal flashes him a grin while he rubs his hand over his scruff. “Yeah, I’d really appreciate that. Are you going to take me home afterwards or are you going to force me to walk?”

“I thought I’d make you walk. You’ve been letting yourself go, and I didn’t want to say anything.”

He barks out a laugh, the sound echoing throughout the locker room, and it makes Killian smile too, the corners of his lips tugging up.

“I could still take you in a fight, Jones.”

“Please,” he scoffs, tightening his laces one more time before standing up straight, “that never happened. I beat your ass in training every time.”

“Not on – ”

“October fifth.” “See, you remember?”

“Because you never let me forget about it,” Killian laughs, reaching down to pick up his bag. “It was all I heard for months. It’s been thirteen years, and you still don’t let me forget.”

Neal shrugs, his face still crinkled in happiness. “It was a damn good day. You even bought me a beer afterward.”

“Well, I figured since it was a one-time thing, it was the least I could do.” He takes a step over and claps Neal on the shoulder, smiling down at him. “I’ll see you at a quarter before five, and since I’m not evil, I’ll even let you ride home with Henry and me.”

“Such a saint.”

“I try.”

It’s a quick walk back to his office, and after saying hello to his secretary Anna, he settles down in his office and gets back to working on his proposal while eating the leftover pasta salad from dinner last night. He gets about two hours to himself to plow through things before Robin comes in, closing the door behind him and plopping down on the couch, the leather creaking beneath his weight.

“Are you almost finished with the coding for it? Because we need to send that down to Arthur for him to double check, especially since you’re leaving early.”

“I’ve got one section left,” he sighs, typing out one more scenario before rolling back in his chair and looking at Robin. “Did you come in here to procrastinate?”

“Most definitely.”

“So you’re whining about me leaving early because I have to take my kid somewhere, and yet you’re in here not doing your work?”

Robin shrugs and leans back further on the couch. “I already finished my section, mate. I literally can’t do anything else without you.”

“Aww, Rob, I always knew you loved me, but I never knew how much.”

“You’re an asshole,” he laughs, flicking a piece of paper in his direction.

“And yet you love me anyways.” He curls one side of his lips up into a smirk and winks at him, making sure to exaggerate it. “I really will be finished soon, and I’ll likely work through it tonight once everyone is asleep. Emma and I have a lot to do this evening, though.”

“I get it. I’ve got to go get Roland from his mom tonight, but we always get it done, yeah?”

“Aye,” he confirms. “Now get your ass off my sofa so I can finish this up in time.”

Robin mock salutes before walking away, leaving his office door open. It could be an accident, but Killian knows that Robin did it just to annoy him.

The wanker.

The rest of his day goes by as it normally does. He gets all of his program formatted and sends it off in time so that Arthur can run through the technicalities of it before sending it back to Robin. It’s a long, drawn out process, and when there’s a knock at his opened door, Emma and the kids standing there, he’s more relieved that he’s been in awhile to get to see all of them in the office.

“Hello loves,” he smiles as he gets up out of his chair, reaching down to hug Henry first before embracing Emma and briefly kissing her. “I can’t believe Anna let you in here with I specifically told her not to.”

“It’s because I’m super fast,” Henry explains, not at all amused by his joke.

“That you are. Did you have a good day at school, bud?”

“Yeah, but I need your help with fractions later. Mary Margaret made them weird.”

“Did she now?”

“Yeah, she said something about a pizza, but I didn’t get it.”

“It’s okay,” he promises, smiling at Henry to try to get him to perk up a little. “We’ll figure it out later. Do you want to get out your legos from my desk while I talk to Mum?”

Henry nods his head before dropping his backpack on the couch and hurrying over to get the box of toys Killian keeps in his bottom drawer for the times when Henry is here. Or even when Roland or someone else’s kid is stuck waiting while their parents work.

“I always hated fractions,” Emma sighs as she sways back and forth with a sleeping Ada. “And percentages. I still get those wrong sometimes.”

“We can’t all be geniuses like me.”

“Tone it down, Einstein,” she laughs, her lashes landing against her cheek. “But from what I can tell, Henry had a good day, Ada too, so I hope both of their appointments go well. I’ll call you after Ada and I get finished at the doctor.”

“I’m sure they’ll both be fine. Henry and I are going to pick up Neal and take him to his appointment too, okay?”

“When did that happen?”

“I ran into him at the gym and offered.”

Emma clicks her tongue and sighs a bit, her hands constantly running over Ada’s back. “That’ll be good. If you guys want to go out to get something to eat afterwards, that might be good too. Or maybe a snack since Henry has homework and we were going to talk to Neal tonight. Of course we could always talk to him tomorrow.”

He presses his lips together and reaches forward to caress her forearm, moving his fingers in a way similar to what Emma is doing to Ada. They’re both trying to comfort, even if it’s for different reasons. “We’ll talk to him, and it’s going to be fine. He’s not…we haven’t had many issues with him since we told him about us, and he’s grown a lot since then, yeah? He’s not going to try to take Henry away from you, from us.”

“I know that,” she whispers, looking over his shoulder to see Henry. “I really do. I’m nervous. I can’t help it.”

“I know, love. I know.” He leans forward and presses his lips to her temple. “Go take Ada to the doctor and maybe stop to get something you like to eat too.”

“That’s cute that you assume I wasn’t doing that already. Bye kid,” she tells Henry, waving at him. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Mom,” he murmurs, not even looking up from his legos.

You can’t get between the boy and his legos.

He finishes up a few last things, checks to see how many emails he has that he needs to respond to before tomorrow, and then shuts his computer down before taking Henry out to the parking garage so that they can get Neal and drive downtown to their therapists’ offices. Henry gets stuck on talking about how Avery told him a restaurant by the pier serves Mickey Mouse waffles, and of course, that gets him to talk about Disney World and how Grace and Violet went with their families over Christmas break. He and Emma have talked about it before, but it’s expensive and they have an infant they’d have to cart around as well.

Maybe some other time.

Why take your kid to Disney World when you can take them to see a hell of a lot of history in Washington DC instead? At least, that’s what they’re telling Henry about their trip next month.

But Neal easily joins in on the conversation about Mickey shaped waffles and the pros and cons of Woody versus Buzz lightyear. Luckily for Neal, Henry likes a lot of the classic movies, so he hasn’t been subjected to watching every new movie to know what his son is talking about. He still has to watch a lot of them, but he’s got the basic knowledge of Toy Story and The Lion King down.

The Lego Movie was all new to him. That’s a favorite in the house.

(He may never be able to watch it without his ears hurting ever again with that damn song.)

After shuffling through traffic, he pulls into the parking lot of the office building and puts the car in park so that he can take Henry up to Dr. Hopper’s office, the two of them dropping Neal off on the second floor.

“So Momma goes to talk to someone, I go to talk to someone, and my dad talks to someone?” Henry asks in the elevator. “Why don’t you talk to someone?”

Kids. They ask the exact things you don’t want to be asked about.

“I used to,” he says after thinking about it for a minute, trying to answer as delicately as he can. “And I might again. Sometimes we need someone besides our mums and dads or our friends to talk to, and that’s why we talk to Dr. Hopper, yeah?”

“Yeah, he’s nice. He talks about you and Mom a lot.”

“We’re very interesting people.”

“Sometimes you guys are boring.”

He chuckles and pulls Henry into his side right when the elevator doors open to their floor, the two of them stepping out and walking to the receptionist’s desk to tell them they’re here for Henry. Dr. Hopper almost immediately walks out, which has never happened to him at any doctor’s appointment in his entire life, and Henry happily walks back in his office with him. He knows that Emma waits in the office when she takes him, but he needs to go fill up the car with gas. So he gets back in the elevator and walks out into the lobby while responding to one of his emails from work.

When he looks up, though, he stops in his tracks, instinct taking over as he folds back into a corner of the lobby while he watches Neal get into a car outside.

What?

What the hell?

Why is Neal getting into a car? Who is he getting into a car with? Is this some kind of therapy thing? They drive and talk? That’s new but maybe it’s a thing.

Bloody hell. It’s definitely not a thing.

Neal is skipping out on his therapy appointment and getting into a random car, and he has no idea why, the blood in his veins heating as confusion and worry courses through him.

He’s already swiping out of his email to call Neal and ask him if he’s okay, if something is wrong that he had to leave, but something stops him from doing anything. Some kind of inner instinct that he honed from years in the Navy and years as a father understanding when a child is lying to him stops him from reaching out and asking Neal where he’s going right now.

He doesn’t…he doesn’t understand, and with the way his mind works, he can’t focus on anything but running through all of the scenarios that might be happening, even the crazy ones. He seems to only be able to focus on the crazy theories which don’t even seem coherent in his mind as he twists them around and tries to make sense of his muddled thoughts.

Something catches in his throat, and he tries to swallow the gulp that’s there while his heart pounds against his ribcage, something constricting in a way that causes his breath to be a bit shortened. Or a lot. He might not be breathing right now. He’s still alive, so he’s definitely breathing. But he can feel heat spreading across his cheeks and goose bumps rising on his arms.

Fuck.

This isn’t right. Whatever is happening isn’t right. Somehow, without any rhyme or reason, he just knows, and if he’s honest with himself as he has this psychological breakdown in the lobby of an office building, there are things that haven’t been right since the very beginning of Neal’s homecoming. He’s noticed them. Of course he has. But his kids, his relationship with Emma, and making sure that Neal has had an easy transition back into society have been his focus so that he hasn’t put too much thought into everything else. He screwed things up so badly with Emma, to the point where she might not have wanted to be with him ever again, and all he’s wanted was to get back on track with her, to make sure that she knows that he loves her more than his own life. All he’s wanted was to make sure that Ada is still growing as much as she should and that Henry is okay after going through such a transition both at home and at school.

All he’s wanted is for everyone to be okay, Neal included.

This, how he’s feeling, how he’s thinking, is not okay.

But maybe it is. Maybe he’s overreacting. Maybe he’s imagining things.

He’s not imagining things. He can’t be. He’s not crazy. His mind is fully functional. He knows what’s in front of his eyes, and he just watched Neal get into a random car when he’s supposed to be at therapy.

Shit. He should have gotten the license plate.

Why would he get the license plate? What would he do with that? To look up to see if the Uber driver Neal is using is registered on the site? Is it an Uber driver? Maybe it’s a friend. Maybe Neal didn’t feel like talking about things with his therapist today so he called a friend? Why would he do that? Why would he hide that from them?

Then again, why wouldn’t he hide that from them? Emma would make him go, would be upset if she knew that he wasn’t going, so maybe that’s it. He needed a break from talking. Killian understands that. There were days when he used to hate going to therapy as well.

But…

He’s got no bloody clue what’s happening.

It’s likely nothing, and this is just his paranoia and anxiety stepping up when he’s been living in a pretty stressful situation for a long while. Maybe it’s a bit of confusion, but maybe it’s just another thing about Neal that doesn’t add up when he truly thinks about it. Maybe it’s something. Maybe it can explain why Neal’s handling his PTSD better than anyone he’s ever seen. Maybe it can explain why none of Neal’s scars were fresh, why all of them had years to heal. Maybe it can explain why Neal is so hell bent on being an American hero and spending his time in DC. In working in the government even when the government failed him so spectacularly. Maybe it can explain why Neal seems to always be gone, to never be home on time. Maybe it can explain Neal knowing things he shouldn’t know. It’s only been a few things, a few random, unimportant things, but Neal knows things that he shouldn’t since he has been in captivity for eight years.

Or maybe it can’t explain anything. Neal was captured by Al-Qaeda almost a decade ago, and that’s where he’s been. He’s been through a tragedy, and he gets to be home and back with his family, even if it’s a little different than the way he thought it would be. Neal was captured, and he is a hero. That’s what’s happened.

But what if it’s not?

That’s preposterous. That’s the most insane thought he’s ever had, and Neal getting in a car to skip out on therapy doesn’t mean anything.

All of his thoughts are starting to sound like people who believe in conspiracy theories, and he is not that kind of man. He is too logical for all of this. He’s simply stressed and a little short staffed after a hectic day at work and the impending conversation about his son’s living situation. All he needs is to take a few deep breaths and calm himself down so that his mind stops working in overdrive.

His phone starts ringing in his hand and he sees Emma’s scrunched up smiling face from where he’d just kissed her cheek before she snapped the picture. She put it in his phone as her contact name, and it makes him smile nearly every time.

She makes him smile.

“Hello, love,” he greets, clenching his jaw and attempting to calm himself down from the race that his mind is currently running. He hates when he gets like this. It’s helpful at work but not now.

“Hey, babe. So guess who is the father of a perfectly healthy nine-month-old baby girl?”

“I sure as hell hope it’s me.”

“I mean, obviously I was just calling you to tell you about a random baby.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Exactly,” Emma laughs, her voice so light that it nearly breaks him apart thinking about everything that’s just happened. It has to be nothing. It’s just a weird coincidence, a misunderstanding. All of these odd little things happening over the past few months with Neal have been misunderstandings. They can’t be more. They can’t for Emma’s sake, for Henry’s. Emma doesn’t need to go through anything else. She needs to be happy. He’s overreacting in the biggest of ways. He’s got to cut back on coffee. “But seriously, Ada is growing just fine. She’s nineteen pounds and twenty seven inches. Dr. Kay said the only thing was that we need to try some more different textured foods, so I’m going to run by Whole Foods and get some of the things on this list we got.”

“That’s wonderful, love. I’m glad she’s healthy.”

He’s more than glad. He’s so relieved. He knows of all the things that can go wrong in young children, and it’s the biggest comfort knowing that his child is okay. She once had a high fever, just a few weeks after she was born, and that was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of his life.

“You and me both. Sometimes I get so worried about her. Like, it’s so easy to mess things up, and I don’t want to do that.”

“Swan,” he sighs, smiling the slightest bit because he can’t help himself when it comes to her, “you are the best mum on the planet. There’s no competition.”

-/-

“I’m dying,” Emma groans, adjusting herself in bed again, kicking around the pillows at her feet.

“I’m sure that’s not true, love.”

Emma’s eyes basically turn into black slits, and he immediately inches away from her, putting space between them so that she doesn’t punch him. He likely deserves it.

“I have heartburn that is killing me. Actually killing me. I forgot about this.”

“Do you need something?” he asks softly, reaching over to her and rubbing his fingers into her arm while she still twists and turns on the bed.

“I think I’m going to just lay here and suffer in my misery, but if you want to get the remote for me, that’d be wonderful.”

“Now that I can do.”

He puts his book down on his bedside table before moving the covers off of his legs and rising from the bed to take the few steps toward the television and the remote that’s resting on its stand. He picks it up and tosses it over toward the bed so that it bounces on the mattress toward Emma. She quickly picks it up and turns the television on, flipping through channels.

“I’m going to go get some tea, Swan. Do you want anything?”

“Water. And some more Tums.”

“As you wish.”

It’s still early, the sun having barely risen, so he’s surprised when he finds Henry in the kitchen standing on his step stool as he looks through the cabinets. Usually he sleeps in on Saturdays, and they always hear the floor creak when he walks past their bedroom.

“What are you looking for?”

“Food,” Henry shrugs, not at all shocked by Killian’s presence. “Where did all of our good stuff go?”

“There’s plenty of good stuff in there,” he scoffs, stepping over to look in the cabinet with Henry. “Do you want some oatmeal? Cheerios? What about some scrambled eggs? I don’t think Mum is feeling up to one of our big Saturday breakfasts.”

“I thought babies are supposed to make people more hungry. That’s what Avery says.”

“Isn’t Avery an only child?”

“Yeah, but he’s smart.”

“Of course he is,” he laughs, grabbing Henry by the waist and plopping him down on the kitchen island so that he’s away from all of the appliances. “I can fix you something to eat, and we’ll go upstairs and eat it in my room, yeah?”

“I thought I couldn’t eat in my room.”

“But you can in my room when I say so, and I think your mummy needs some extra snuggles with you this morning.”

“Why? She’s already got the baby.”

Oh shit. He’s been expecting this, but he wasn’t really expecting it until after the baby was here and a lot of their time was spent focusing on her. He most definitely wasn’t expecting it now when Emma’s five months along and Henry has known he was getting a sibling for two months.

This is going to be one of those moments where he terribly screws things up, isn’t it?

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to spend time with you,” he says softly, making sure to be extra careful with his words while he closes the kitchen cabinets.

“But all she talks about with other people is the baby.”

“Mum is excited, lad,” he sighs, leaning back against the counter and studying Henry’s face, wishing his lips weren’t curled down. “I thought you were too. You’re going to be a big brother just like Liam is to me and David is to your mum.”

“I am excited,” he mumbles underneath his breath while messing with his t-shirt, the picture of someone who is not excited, “but what if you and Momma love my sister more than you love me?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he soothes, stepping forward and wrapping Henry up in a hug even as Henry squirms away from him a bit before finally wrapping his arms around his back, “that’s just not true. We love you so much, Henry, and that’s never going to change, okay? Yes, you’re going to have to share your time with us with your sister, but I promise that we will love you just as much.”

“Are you still going to come to my soccer games?” he sniffles, burying his head in Killian’s shoulder.

“Every Saturday afternoon. I will be there for as much as I can. And when your sister is big enough, she’s going to be there to cheer you on every Saturday as well.”

“Is she gonna be able to yell like Momma does?”

“Oh most definitely,” he laughs, leaning back so that he can look in Henry’s eyes, his little brows no longer furrowed and his lips beginning to curve up. “She’s going to be a big yeller. She’s going to be a lot smaller than you, but we’re still going to do a lot of fun things. I always wanted a little sister, and you’re so lucky to get one.”

“You wanted a little sister?”

“Of course I did,” he answers, pulling the eggs out of the refrigerator so he can make some scrambled eggs. “When you have a younger sibling, you get to teach them all kinds of things.”

“Like what?”

“Well, you can teach her to play soccer and to draw those cool pictures of yours. She’ll need a lot of help at first, like learning to walk and talk, and you can help her with that. You can also tell her stories like I do to you.”

“I think she’ll like Captain Underpants.”

He snickers under his breath as he cracks an egg open on the pan. “I think she might.”

“Will she like TV?”

“Who doesn’t like TV?”

“Grandma sometimes.” “Well your grandma is just a silly goose,” he laughs, moving his spatula around a bit while adding some pepper. “But yeah, bud, she’s going to like all of those things, and you can help your mum and I take care of her so that her favorite person in the world is her big brother Henry.”

He and Henry keep talking about all of the things that Henry can do with his sister once she’s born, even if a few of them are a little far-fetched. But it’s a nice way to keep Henry excited, to make him be happy again when he’s apparently been a little down about it. He’ll have to talk to Emma about this later, to let her know what’s going on, and maybe they’ll be able to figure out a better way to talk to him about everything than his on the fly conversation with Henry. He also needs to tell her that today is definitely not the day to tell Henry about Neal. They’ve been working on that ever since they found out Emma was pregnant, and it was finally going to happen this afternoon. They had this whole plan, something researched and practiced and thought through, but if Henry’s struggling with a little jealousy, now is not the time for him to find out that Killian isn’t actually his father.

It’s never going to be easy, especially for Emma and Henry, but they have to do it. Henry deserves to know about Neal. Neal’s memory deserves to be honored through his son. It’s a difficult balance for him to not step on toes, to make sure that he does what’s right for Henry. He’s not his biological father. He never will be. But that’s their life, and biology doesn’t mean a damn thing to him when he loves this kid as much as anything.

But Henry should also get to know about his biology and all of the sacrifices and love that Neal made and gave for Henry and for their country in general.

He should know that his dad is a hero.

Just not today.

“Alright,” he sighs, handing Henry a bowl of mixed berries while he holds the eggs and his tea, “let’s go sit with Mum and make her feel better.”

Henry nods his head before running up the stairs, nearly dropping his bowl, but he catches himself and busts through their bedroom door, leaving the door wide open as Killian follows in behind him.

“Hey, kid,” Emma greets, sitting up a little bit and flipping the channel to something else, “what are you doing up?”

“Daddy and I made breakfast, but it’s not for you.”

“Really now? Why not?”

“You’re not hungry.” He climbs up onto the mattress and crawls over to Emma, sitting himself right in her side was she wraps her arm around his shoulder. It’s one of his favorite sights in the world, and it gets so much better by the curve of Emma’s stomach under her tank top. “So this is all for me and Daddy.”

“What did we just say about sharing?” He laughs, settling down on the bed as well.

“Oh yeah.” Henry looks from him to looking at Emma who’s got a soft smile on her face as one hand rests on her belly and the other hand messes with Henry’s hair. “My sister and I are going to be best friends like Daddy and Liam, and I’m going to teach her how to play soccer.”

“You are? Do you think she’ll be able to kick goals like you?”

“Maybe not as good as me.”

“She’ll need lots of practice,” Emma laughs. “Soon she’s going to be able to kick my belly, so I think she’s already trying to catch up to you.” “I have to go practice,” Henry gasps, moving to get out of the bed only for Emma to yank him back down and pull him further into his side.

“Not quite yet, kid. I want you to cuddle with me because I love you so much.” “I love you too,” Henry says as he squirms, finally settling into Emma’s side and resting his head against her shoulder. He’s just about to pick up his tea and try to find them something else to watch when Henry looks at him with this big cheesy grin on his face as he loudly whispers, “she does want to cuddle with me.” “I told you so,” he promises as he reaches over to grab Henry’s hand.

-/-

“I think you might be a bit biased,” she gushes, the sound of Ada faintly filtering through in the background.

“Well, I am rather in love with you.”

“You sentimental sap,” Emma laughs. “I love you too. Let me know when you guys are on the way home, okay?”

“I will.”

When the call ends, he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down more. He needs to get a grip, to ground himself. Emma grounds him, her voice, her face. She steadies him when he’s the furthest thing from steady.

She’s…everything.

He’s overreacting. He has to be. Neal is allowed to live his own life. They’re encouraging him to live his own life, and that’s the thought process he maintains as he sits down in the lobby, completely forgetting about the fact that he needs to go get gas or respond to the rest of his emails. Instead of doing anything productive he sits in silence and watches as people move in and out of the building, the gentle closing of the glass doors followed by the click of heels on the tile, the sound only dying out when they get into the elevator.

That sound is what he focuses on, counting the steps it takes for different people to walk the same distance, and when he looks down at his phone and sees that it’s nearly six, he stands from his chair and makes his way back to the elevator bay, loading onto the cart with a woman and her children who are going to the same floor that he is. Henry is already waiting for him when he gets there, and the smile on his face calms him the slightest bit. He’s happy. That’s good. That means the session went well.

“Hey,” he waves, placing his hand on Henry’s back and guiding him out of the office. “Did you have a nice time? Anything you want to talk about with me?”

“Nope. I already told Dr. Hopper about how we can’t go to Disney World.”

“When your sister is older, kid,” he starts. “When your sister is older.”

Neal is waiting for them in the lobby when they get to the lobby again, his foot tapping against the floor, and even though he’s told himself to drop it, to drop all of the wild thoughts that are running through his mind, he can’t. Neal’s come back just in time for him to not know that he left.

Damn it.

If he had stayed in the lobby he could have seen him coming back.

What would he have said? Where the hell did you go? Why aren’t you in therapy? Is everything okay? Are you hiding something? What’s happening?

(He’s lost his mind and needs to get a grip.)

He could say all of those things. He could. he knows the words, knows how to speak, but none of them fall off of his tongue. He doesn’t want to be accusatory when there’s most likely nothing going on, and he’s going to continue operating that way until he knows for sure. There’s a tentative tightrope that they’re all walking on, and he’s not going to be the one to push them off of it because he’s lost his mind.

So he doesn’t say anything when they get in the car or when they stop and let Henry get a smoothie. He doesn’t say anything when they get home and help Henry do his homework, the two of them trying to explain fractions to him. He doesn’t say anything when they eat dinner, and he doesn’t say anything afterwards when they’re all watching TV while he does eventually finish up working on his emails. And he doesn’t say anything when Henry and Ada are put down to bed.

And he especially doesn’t say anything when he, Emma, and Neal sit down to talk about whether or not Neal is going to take the job in DC.

He is. He wants to do it. He’s determined to do it, to make a difference in the world now that he knows what it’s like to have a second chance at life. And when Emma very tentatively asks him what he wants to do about Henry, Neal tells them that while it’s not ideal, he’ll be happy to come home for every holiday that he can and every weekend that he can and that they don’t have to send Henry to DC by himself. He tells them that he doesn’t want Henry’s life to be disrupted any more than it’s already been. He tells them every single thing that a loving father who both wants to do good for his kid and good for himself would say.

And Killian is positive that he means it. Emma is even more so. She’s so good at reading others, her little superpower developed over years of careful use, and he’s got to trust that she’s able to use it with Neal. He knows that sometimes she can be wrong, but he’d bet that she’s right nearly every time.

He’d trust her over everything.

So while he’s calmed a bit over possibly losing Henry, over Henry being hurt at never seeing his dad (something he’s still worried about if he’s honest with himself), he can’t turn his mind off. He can’t make the thoughts stop, the theories cease from forming, the worries festering. And when they’re in bed and Emma starts trailing her lips up the cords of his neck, instead of melting against her touch, he pulls back, turning his body away from her.

“What’s wrong?” she asks quietly, her voice barely a whisper above the hum of the ceiling fan.

“Nothing, sweetheart,” he lies, twisting a bit so that he can see her face, see the worry in her eyes.

“Are you mad at me?”

How can he ever be mad at Emma when he’s mad at himself for thinking that Neal, this man they all love, isn’t telling the full truth? How could he ever be mad at Emma when he’s so mad at himself for nearly every thought he’s had today? How could he…how could he think something so absurd that would hurt everyone he knew if he ever said the words out loud?

How can he be thinking any of this?

“No,” he promises, reaching over to her and resting his thumb in the indent of her chin, making sure that she can see the seriousness in his gaze, “how could I ever be mad at you?”

#rising from the ashes #captain swan #cs ff #cs fic #captain swan fic

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twdmusicboxmystery · 5 years ago

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TWD 10x01: Lines We Cross - First Thoughts

Today I’m going to talk about the big things that jumped out at me. Tomorrow, I’ll do Details, which will be longer and focus in on the nitty gritty symbolism. Throughout the week, I’m going to try and do posts on the structure of the episode (the headings throughout), the opening credits, and the radiation reference. Wish me luck in getting all these written. But let’s dive right in!

***As always, spoilers for TWD 10x01 abound below! Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned.***

Plot Recap:

TF trains on the beach against walkers and shows off their mad skills. It’s obvious that in months since The Storm, they’ve realized the Whisperers are no longer in the area. The kids recover a skin mask, which makes everyone think the Whisperers might be back. Michonne leads a group to look for more signs of the Whisperers’ return, and she finds some. Daryl and Carol hang out together. Meanwhile, back at Alexandria, Eugene, Rosita, Father Gabriel, and Siddiq raise baby Coco with some mild hilarity. People still discriminate against Lydia for being a former Whisperer, but she and Negan seem to be forming an understanding because they’re both outcasts.

Then a Russian satellite falls from the sky, causing a fire where it touches down. TF has to cross Alpha’s arbitrary border to put it out. They decide it’s something they have to do because the fire threatens their homes and food supplies. They work all night together to put out the fire and succeed. In the morning, Eugene wants to harvest parts of the satellite to use in the communities. Daryl takes Carol to where he and Alpha looked out over the walker herd and talked, before the heads on the pikes were discovered. It ends with Alpha herself emerging and looking at Carol, which means she knows they’ve crossed her borders.

Biggest TD Symbols:

In general, there were about a billion dog, ocean/sea, and bird references. I’ll mention a few today, but get into them more in tomorrow’s detail pos. But I felt like not a single minute went by when we didn’t get one of these references, either in things we saw or in dialogue. I had to keep pausing the episode because I had so many things to write down, and that honestly doesn’t happen to me often.

Today, I want to focus a few in particular, because these are the ones that jumped out at me in a big way.

1. The first happened before the episode even began. You know how they always show text on the screen, even before the recap, that says, “This program contains violent content…parental discretion…yada yada?” That text has always been shown against a black or perhaps grey screen. Well, they suddenly decided to put it against a picture of a dog.

The shot I got of it isn’t great. It’s actually a dog looking at an orange lamp shade. It shows a lot of the lamp at first for like half a second and then the black outline covers it. It zooms out a little and we get a piece of the lamp again. I mean…why suddenly put a black and white dog there this season? (Sirius/return symbolism.) I’m telling you, this is our season.

2. The second is one that @frangipanilove pointed out. The scene that includes Daryl, Connie, and Dog. Connie brings Dog to Daryl and holds up a sign that says, “I think you lost something.”

So, dog? Lost? Something Daryl lost that is being returned to him? That’s a super-obvious Sirius/Beth reference. And it involves Connie. Much like last season, she’s being set up as a Beth stand in. Not so much a direct proxy, but we’re seeing Beth callbacks and symbols around her. (Incidentally, I think that’s why tptb pushed the idea of Donnie so hard; they aren’t advocating for these two characters specifically, but rather it’s a clue (albeit very misdirectional) about who Connie represents.)

Let’s consider the scene setup.

Connie was already on the beach working on a net with some others (including Kelly). Then Daryl and Dog show up. Dog runs up to Connie because they’re pals. And Daryl waves at Connie but doesn’t come over. He goes up the beach to the dock where Carol’s boat is about to come in to meet her. Then a few minutes later, Connie walks onto the dock as well, bringing Dog with her and says the thing about him having lost something.

So, think about it this way. Daryl and Dog go their separate ways (just for a few minutes) and then Daryl LITERALLY goes up the road a bit, (as he said to Beth in Alone) and then Connie shows up and returns Dog to him. A very obvious Sirius reference if there ever was one. But I think it’s important that it’s Connie that brings Dog back.

If I were to try and interpret this sequence beyond just being an obvious Beth/Sirius reference, I would say Connie is going to have something to do with returning Beth to Daryl. I have a LOT more to say about how I think this is going to go down. I’ll talk about it later in the week when I do a predictions post based on what we’ve learned from this episode.

3. Luke and Jules’ hot dog conversation. At first, I didn’t know what to make of this, but they focused on it and it’s too random to not mean anything. @frangipanilove helped me figure it out. Obviously a hot dog is a different thing than a dog (Sirius/Dog Star symbolism) but even so, this is a dog reference. I thought the “hot” part might refer to fire (like Beth and Daryl burning down the moonshine shack). But @frangipanilove tells me that Sirius actually means “scorching” or “glowing.” So to call Sirius a “hot” dog star wouldn’t be incorrect.

But this is even better than just that. It takes place around a budding romance *coughs Bethyl* and even has an obvious romantic/sexual angle. So I figure, since Luke is the musician (think Stradivarius from last season) he probably represents Beth in this analogy. Which means Jules would be Daryl. She “found” a bunch of “hot” dogs at sea. See what I mean? To me this is an obvious Bethyl reference and it’s setting up that in this next arc, not only will Beth return to Daryl, but we’ll finally see their romance take place.

4. Callback to the Claimers. You know that part where Daryl and Carol were hunting walkers? Yeah, major callback to the Claimers. To Daryl and Lennie shooting the same rabbit with their two arrows. And then Daryl says to Carol, “You’re supposed to call it.” She says, “you didn’t call it.” And he says, “I don’t want to play with you anymore if you’re going to cheat.” They both laugh, but calling it is just like when the Claimers “claimed” things.

I’m honestly not sure exactly what to make of this yet. The last time we saw the Claimers wasn’t in S4 but in The Red Machete with Legs. So it’s definitely calling back to some things that make me happy, but I’m just not sure how to interpret it yet.

Other things:

I’m not sure entirely what’s up with the Russian satellite, but let me say for now that this is a VERY significant development. Again, I can’t be sure exactly what they’re setting up with this in the plot, but symbolically, it’s huge. I’ll talk about this later in the week in conjunction with the radiation reference. I’ll also talk about Ezekiel coughing and wheezing. I know there are lots of theories floating around about that, and I have a lot to say about it, but I’m saving it for the radiation post. Bear with me. (There’s SO much to talk about from this episode! Dah!)

We get a bunch of cool character references. One to Tara, several to Rick. Also Jesus and Eric. I really liked those.

Setups:

I always say that the premiere episode sets up what will happen throughout the season. But because we also have some changes to the opening credits, this is not only the beginning of a new season, but the beginning of new arc. So these may be setups for the season, or for a much larger arc. No way to tell for sure yet.

1. The most obvious is the Whisper War. Alpha knows they crossed the border and that will probably be the kickoff of the official war.

2. Aaron is sick of being the “nice guy,” and Negan wants to lay low and avoid getting his hands dirty where the Whisperers are concerned. All those who think either of things will lead to a peaceful life, raise your hands.

In the CBs, Negan gets involved in the Whisper War in a big way, and while it will probably be different in show, I think that’s what they’re setting up here. I have a lot to say about Aaron, but for now, just revisit THIS POST where I talk about how he will probably be involved in Beth’s return as well.

3. Siddiq is having serious post-traumatic stress over the killings he witnessed in 9x15. That can’t be good.

4. The stuff with Eugene, the satellite, and the radiation reference are all important and probably setting something up. Again, more detail on where I think it’s going to come, but just keep it in mind for now. They went out of their way to emphasize these things in the premiere, and that’s significant.

5. Daryl and Carol. Shipping wars aside, their conversations together probably had more TD symbolism and references than any other in the episode. For the most part, I found it to be very inline with what I said in THIS POST about them taking off together and how it follows the template from S5. More details to come on this as well, but the two of them finding Beth together (as they did in S5) would explain why they have all these references. I’ll illustrate more over the next few days.

6. Coming Drought. We’ve been talking a lot about water scarcity that’s coming because of Fear. We saw references to it here because when they were trying to put out the fire, people were constantly saying, “I’m out of water.” That’s a dialogue foreshadow, y’all. And it’s in conjunction with the satellite and radiation references. So just keep it in mind.

7. Beth! The last is the best. Between Connie bringing Dog to Daryl and the Luke/Jules/Hotdog reference, I feel like this is setting up that Beth will return to Daryl sometime during this arc. New Opening credits show that we’ve entered a new arc. One in which Beth will return.

Unfortunately, I can’t say for sure that it will happen this season. I’ll talk more about the structure of this episode and how it foreshadows what we’ll see during this arc in a day or two, but sometimes these arcs can last multiple seasons. So I’m not going to say that I think for sure she’ll return in S10 (though I certainly hope she will) but rather than it will be in this arc, which could possibly be several seasons long.

Shipping:

I’ll end by mentioning the Connie and Carol situations. Only because I know there’s a lot of meltdowns happening in various fandoms right now. Just know that there’s nothing to worry about.

I know people have noticed the Kelly eyebrow raise. I did too, Obviously Kelly thinks there something going on there, but that doesn’t mean there is. At first, I thought maybe Connie’s reaction was one of embarrassment, which might show that Connie is crushing on Daryl. Even if that were the case, Daryl is much more focused on Carol than on Connie, so I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t return it.

But upon watching it again, I think Connie’s reaction to Kelly was more annoyance than embarrassment. Which suggests there isn’t anything there and she’s annoyed at Kelly for suggesting it.

Daryl is much more focused on Carol than Connie right now. Evidenced by the fact that he waved to her at the beach but didn’t bother to approach her. MUCH more focused on Carol. Which precludes a Donnie romance in my view.

But of course we also know Carol and Daryl are a mother/son relationship that will never be romantic. AK pretty much confirmed that a month or two ago in an interview where she said (and I paraphrase) “we know about the shippers, but even if it doesn’t go where they want it to, it’s still fun to have Daryl/Carol scenes in the show.” Yeah, really nothing to worry about there. So don’t.

Overall, I feel like the writers are pushing Connie and Carol equally as possible love interests. I already said this to my group, but my feeling is that they’re kind of saying, “Who will Daryl be with? Door #1: Carol? Or Door #2: Connie?” And it will actually be “hidden” door #3: Beth.

So I guess my point is that they’re teasing both so heavily, I don’t think either will happen. Yes, the shippers are gonna freak out. Nothing we can do about that. But that doesn’t mean they’re right.

Okay, I’m gonna stop there for today. More coming tomorrow. And a TON more coming over the next week. 😉

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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thewrongjackpot · 5 years ago

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I hit the wrong jackpot. *Spoiler alert, it’s cancer.*

[Originally written 1/3/20]

Warning: There may be a fair amount of sarcasm throughout this post coupled with some dark humor. Also, if you’re new to this channel, please disregard a lot of the other ramblings here, unless one dares to be bored.

“What jackpot did you hit?” you may ask. I hit the cancer jackpot. You read that right. C-A-N-C-E-R. This fun-loving 26-year-old has been diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma and of a newer subtype called Sclerosing. Take those words in. I had to have Google repeatedly tell me how to say it before I got the hang of it. It’s a jackpot because to say it is uncommon in adults is an understatement. A friend told me I need to get my butt to Vegas with all this rare luck.

“Wait, what? How did this all happen?” asked no one. Here’s a fun “little” deep-dive into everything that’s been going on the past few months, and how I’ve been dealing with it. Remember, you chose to continue reading this long post from here on out.

Well, let’s take it back to early-mid August. It started with what I thought was just TMJ issues because I was stressing some and clenching my teeth, so my jaw and temple started off sore. It then progressed to limited range of motion with my jaw (opening/closing), a small protrusion along my temple, and some numbness on my face. The urgent care doc essentially told me it’s TMD, the muscle is swollen, to chill, and it’ll go away. Well, that was extremely off. I saw my primary doctor, who then referred me to an ear, nose, and throat (ENT) doctor. Now, we’re at the end of November, and I had to take some MRIs and then was referred to another ENT doctor. I had a biopsy, and the doctor said it looks more mild-moderate than severe like he was initially thinking, but he was pretty sure it was malignant with how quickly it has been growing. Christmas Eve morning, I get a phone call. The final pathology came about, and it’s an intermediate grade Rhabdomyosarcoma. I was referred to a hospital with a Sarcoma specialist and saw her just after the new year began. She doesn’t know staging yet because she doesn’t know if it has spread anywhere else yet. I only had MRIs done and that was over a month ago now. So next week I get the joyous pleasure of more MRIs, a bone scan, a lumbar puncture, and a bone marrow biopsy. EXCITING. They’re also going to need to start chemo soon, so they’re working on getting that set up in the background. As of right now, the oncologist was saying it’ll be about 5 months of chemo, radiation and/or surgery, and then more chemo. More will be known in the coming weeks, but at least there’s finally a real start and direction to this all.

Needless to say, it’s been a crappy holiday season and last several months. Here’s a list of what this jolly (not green) giant growth in my head/neck has caused:

Swollen temple/face

Limited ability to open my mouth (~1.5cm)

Misaligned jaw

Numbness along half my face

Sharp shooting pains throughout my head/neck

Impacted breathing out of my left nostril

Fluid in my left ear (impacted hearing)

Trouble swallowing

Fatigue

Body aches

Pressure throughout the entire left side of my head

Large growth(s) inside my mouth encompassing cheek/mouth real estate

Accidentally chewing on said growths, which I think is the reason there’s blood in my mouth periodically

After my first meeting with the oncologist the other day, some topics hit home harder than others.

One of the points that almost made me cry on the spot was when I was asking about fertility. She was saying that she could recommend me to a fertility clinic to harvest my eggs. However, that could take 2-4 weeks, and we might not have that time to spare. I know that there’s so much more at stake, my health and well-being taking spot numero uno. I also know that there are other ways to still have kids, but it’s still such a depressing feeling and thought. Along with hearing that 2-4 weeks is not time that can be spared, it begs the question, “How bad/serious is this really?”. Having my own child is a choice that may never even be mine to begin with. I just always had this picture in mind about how life would be never thinking this is the luck I would be dealt. Then again, I don’t think anyone ever envisions something like this happening to them… Although, my vision of six dogs at any given time could become more of a reality. *shrug* (Honorable mention goes out to my brother who was cheering me up big time on this one.)

Next, the fear started to really set in when talking about all these tests that needed to be done. I’m absolutely terrified of pain, and the thought of all these huge needles makes me want to cry, throw up, and pass out. It’s not just the pain and needles I’m afraid of, it’s everything that comes along with the actualization of what this really is. Since we don’t know the full extent of this, my mind can’t help but think the prognosis is possibly more grim with all these tests needed and how quickly this tumor has dominated my face. I’m scared about having to go to treatments, having to feel sick, fatigue setting in, and withering away. I’m scared about losing my hair because, boy, let me tell you, I’ve always had long thick hair my whole life. There are only two occasions I can think of where my hair was shorter than mid-back. I’ve broken down crying several times in the shower while washing my hair; it was always a safety blanket for me. Although, I said I should jump the gun and get a bowl cut already haha. On a more serious note, I’m absolutely mortified that I’m not going to make it through this…but being a fighter and a survivor is in my blood, so I’m trying to not let that run my mind too much.

On a more physical and literal level, one of the most debilitating aspects of this is the limited range of motion with my mouth because I can barely eat. Eating has become almost a punishment because after a few bites of something, it hurts everywhere. It’s hard to swallow at times; it’s just all-around depressing. At this point, I’m closing in on having lost 30 pounds in about three months. I’m eating maybe 1000 calories a day. I try to force myself to eat, but it’s difficult. Some days everything makes me nauseous. I’ve mostly been drinking smoothies, eating soup, and other soft foods like mashed potatoes. Even when I am eating something, it’s extremely defeating when I wipe soup off my chin because the little piece of potato couldn’t fit in my dumb mouth and caused soup to drip down, and I couldn’t feel it because my face is too busy being numb. Moments like that are extremely disheartening. Stupid mouth.

Also, another difficult aspect of this is sleeping. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in months. No matter which way I lie, there is either uncomfortable pressure or some sort of pain. I’ve literally woke up crying like a fussy baby because it hurts so much, and all I want to do is sleep.

DESPITE ALL OF THIS, I’m down, but I’m not out. I still have so many things to be grateful for. My husband continues to be amazingly strong, knows how to comfort me when I need it, and has been picking up my slack. Some of my family members have seriously stepped up in ways I could not have imagined that genuinely caught me by surprise. For those family members who have been with me on this so far, they have been so supportive and simply there for me when I need them. My parents are doing whatever they can from wherever they are to help me, e.g. my mom is flying up next week to be with me. I have some solid friends, and even my husband’s friends have been amazing. Work is working well with me through this, and even my old boss and coworkers have been checking up on me. Side note: I saw this lady at work today (whom I rarely interact with) only to find out her brother got treated where I am by the same set of doctors, and she said his experience was great as was the staff. That was an unexpected nugget of good vibes I did not expect today or ever.

One of the other biggest items I realized a few days ago that I am extremely grateful for is having moved away from Hawaii. Since moving, I go back and forth on whether leaving was the best decision, but now who knows what would be of me if I didn’t. If developing this cancer was an inevitable piece of my life story, being in Hawaii would have been one of the worst things for me. For one, there are doctor shortages, so being seen would have been dragged out so much longer than here. Secondly, Hawaii does not have the specialists to even treat me. I would have had to fly somewhere else anyway. As an aside to this, I’m even more grateful that we moved to the west coast because family is more accessible than in DC, and my husband and I have friends here as well.

Well, that’s about it for now. I like to talk/write, so I’m honestly going to post updates on here even if they fall on deaf ears. Just like this page says, I’m someone rambling lol.

If you’ve made it this far, I’ll give you a cake pop one day or something.

TL;DR

I have a rare form of cancer that’s been progressing pretty quickly. A lot of it really sucks right now, but there’s finally some real direction in getting me treated. Also, I am surrounded by a lot of love and dope people, and I still have so much to be grateful for.

#cancer #chemo #sarcoma #rhabdomyosarcoma #tumor #jackpot #rambling #long post #coping #cancer sucks #dying

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paepsi · 6 years ago

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EXO as dumb shit I’ve done, EXPLAINED:

Suho:

See this picture here? This is me before the moving team. I was so fucking proud of myself for strapping the base of the chair to my roof (it wouldn’t fit through the trunk of me smol hatchback). I thought it was funny that it kinda looked like a kip-pah and asked my friend to take a pic for me here (see my lil peace sign next to my face? im v happy of my jew car). Little did I know that after driving to my new apartment with the whole moving team from IKEA unloading shit from the truck, I would be stuck in the fucking car. I didn't have a knife or scissors to cut the strings and I didn't want to make my dumb assery to be noticed; so instead of asking for help... I climbed out the front window and almost fell flat on my ass. When I stood up and turned around, the whole moving team was just standing there looking at me. The assholes knew I was stuck and let me suffer.

Kris & Kai:

so these moments both happened in the same night. I went to a house warming party for my friend and I didn't know what to bring as a gift, so I just bought two big bags of Hawaiian bread. Now throughout the night, the more I drink, the more impulsive I get.

I started putting the bread on people's shoulders, slowly piling them up until they noticed. Everyone was pretty wasted so there was no surprise when I had a stack of 4 1/2 buns (I ate half) on my friends shoulder. Anyways- fast forward into the night, I'm craving sweets, so I walk into my friends kitchen and find a jar of cookies. At the time I thought it was a brilliant idea to just put the Hawaiian bread in there so the kitchen looked full; a fair exchange, if you will. At least that's what I thought... I found pictures from the party and it turns out I just ended up putting in a half eaten bun sjzjsj

Fast forward into the morning of the next day, I’m hungover and I wake up wearing mismatching socks (one is mine, the other I have no idea).

I needed to get home because I had work later that day, so I hop into my car and start driving home. The whole time there was this annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had such a bad headache that I pulled over to see what the fuck was wrong. I got out of my car, checked the wheels, checked the under the hood, then hopped back inside. I was so frustrated that I banged my head on the steering wheel and just rested my eyes for a sec. When I opened them to look straight ahead at my dashboard, the brake light was glowing bright red. I cried.

Chanyeol:

One summer evening, I was hanging with my sister and her friends around a campfire. We were roasting marshmallows, drinking, having a good time etc. Eventually later into the night we started getting bored and one of my sister’s friends suggested playing hot potato with the coals from the fire. We’re all game like FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS. Then we start tossing it around and realize that it’s way too fucking hot, so instead of tossing it’s just everyone spiking the coal to the next person. FYI, I have terrible hand eye coordination and I wasn’t wearing my glasses that night. Every single time the coal was spiked my way it would miss my hand and fly straight into my hair. The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror, skipped breakfast and headed straight to the salon. still looked cute or w/e so I ain’t mad

Kyungsoo:

Ahhhh, this one is actually pretty personal and happened not too long ago! My mom finally left this dirt bag she’d been married to for the past 16 years. When I say dirt bag, I mean a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. My mom was so tired during her session with the mediator for when they were deciding who was getting what; she took 30-45 minutes to talk alone with them and he took 3 fucking hours putting on this sick sob story. The mediator was so done with him too that they just let him do whatever he wanted. That meant he had the “right” to pick and choose what belonged to him in our apartment. The fucker took EVERYTHING. He took the furniture, the bedroom sets, all the electronics, the spices- HE DOESN’T EVEN COOK. However, a week before then, I bought a huge bottle of vanilla. I needed it to make edible cookie dough, which I was doing everyday out of stress. The day before he finally moved out, I came home from work to see everything wrapped/packed up. I started to get worked up and went to the kitchen to make my cookie dough. When I opened the cabinet to get my vanilla and saw it completely empty, I lost it. I literally screamed and started tearing up all the boxes, finding more shit that belonged to me and stopped when I finally found my vanilla. I went back to the kitchen, happily made my cookie dough and kicked back on "his” couch with my dirty shoes on. Later that night, the asshole came home and screamed at me. I shut him up tho when I told him I’d suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep if he dared to touch me or any of my things ever again. He didn’t stay in the apartment that night lol

Baekhyun:

I think this one might be my favorite story. It all started when a package from my mom in the mail never showed up even though the UPS tracking said it had already arrived on my doorstep. I assumed in meant the package was stolen and got really bummed about it since it had some essential items in there. My roommates felt bad and decided to cheer me up by throwing a house party (woohoo! cue the alcohol!). It started at like 3pm and went on all the way until 4 am the next day. Somewhere within that time frame while it was still light outside, slightly tipsy, I found a ladder on the side of the house and had a strong urge to follow it up to the top; and who am I to deny every desire that comes across my pea sized brain. I was half-way up to the roof when one of my roommates spotted me (let’s call him Big Ned; there were two guys named Ned in our house so we just called them Big Ned and Little Ned; Big Ned is like 6′3″ and Little Ned is like 5′4″). Big Ned started yelling at me to get down and I told him I couldn’t because it was my destiny to reach the top. He decided that there was no use arguing with me and ended up following me to the roof (even though he’s afraid of heights; bless his BFG heart). He’s kinda hard to miss, so when he started making his way up to the roof with me, it grabbed a lot of attention. Some joined us. Meanwhile, I decided to walk around and look into my neighbors yards. I saw a mess of papers in one of the alleys between our houses and joked “lmao that’d be funny if that was my package”. We laughed for a bit then looked a little closer until we realized oh fuck that’s my package. My body moved on it’s own and just kinda scrambled across the roof trying to figure out the fastest and least painful way to get off the roof. Thank the stars for Big Ben holding me back by the collar of my shirt and preventing me from jumping down onto the neighbors fence. Little Ben ended up running over and jumping the fence to get it for me. We still don’t know how it got there.

Tao:

In middle school, I had to go on this field trip to some ranch out in the countryside of Texas. I remember we were all huddled into a barn with a big stage in the back. The teachers grabbed a mic and got on stage to talk about who knows what. Idk I wasn’t paying attention, talking to my friend, in my own world. When the mics go off, everyone starts chattering. At that moment in time, I was extremely preoccupied with my shoelaces when I got a tap on my shoulder from my homeroom teacher. I think she was mad at me for not listening and told me to head up to the stage along with a few other students making their way over. Being in front of others makes me nervous, but when the teachers put a bib around my neck before I got on stage, I was too confused to think of anything else. When another teacher started handing out baby bottles filled with Gatorade to each student on stage, I had to stop them to ask what was going on. And what do ya know, I’m in a baby bottle drinking contest. Before I had time to ask any more questions, they were already counting down to start. Now listen, I’m not the type of person to back down from a challenge so ofc you know I’m gonna suck the soul out of this bich. The reason I can say this confidently is because up until I was 11 years old, I always drank out of baby bottles when I got home from school. I just really liked the feeling?? For me, nothing beat chilling on the couch, watching Teen Titans and drinking fresh cold orange juice from a baby bottle on a hot summer day. Idk but I guess it came in handy since I finished a 24oz bottle under 35 seconds. The rest of the kids weren’t even close to half way through. There’s a picture of me at the back of my school year book holding up the baby bottle like a trophy.

Sehun:

Remember my sisters friends from the campfire? Well I spent a good long summer hanging with her friend group and ended up getting kinda close to this one of the guys (let’s call him Jake). I have a really broad range of music taste and I guess he digged that so we talked a lot about music together. By the end of the summer, Jake threw a party at his house and invited me over. Ngl I wanted some dick so ofc I’m gonna go all out and break out my hot leather Madonna outfit. I head out with my sis and the house is packed by the time we get there. The whole time we’re pretty much just hanging out, drinking and dancing the night away. Some time passed 1 am (I think), I’m sorta outside making out with Jake on the side of his house. It’s getting really hot and heavy. When we finally broke apart for air, he told me he though he was in love with me. I’m screaming internally, panicking and I don’t know what to do. I could tell from way before that he really liked me, but I didn’t think it was to that extent. It doesn’t help exactly that I don’t feel the same way for him. Don’t get me wrong! He was really hot and sweet, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. So what did I tell him? Nothing. My dumb ass was in such a panic that all I could think of was that I needed to run. I did. I ran back into the house, out the front porch, spotted his skateboard and took off. I didn’t really know where I was or where I was going but somehow I ended up at the train station and eventually found my way back home.

Xiumin:

On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out to a really nice, 5 star restaurant in the city we lived. They're buying me all the drinks I want cause heck I'm finally legal! Now, I think y'all can see a pattern of what happens when I drink. So when Big Ned got a glass of scotch and I had just finished off my last sip of wine, I wanted some too. I asked him to share, using "it's my birthday" to get my way. Ever the gentleman, Big Ben pours half his glass into my wine glass and keeps his raised for a cheers. The whole group joins in and with a shout of Mozeltov, I slam the wine glass down on the table and toss it back. It wasn't until I finished the last drop and tried to set my glass back on the table that I realized I snapped the stem in half. No one spoke, except for Little Ned, softly, "did you... did that really just happen?" Yeah. Yeah it did. Thankfully the restaurant agreed to keep the broken glass off the bill as long as I left the restaurant immediately.

Chen:

On a Saturday night, I met up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in months. We bought some snacks and drinks then drove to a marina near my apartment (new place in California). The whole night we spent catching up and throwing rocks in the water. I was still a little tipsy when it was time to go home and my friend ended up driving me back. On the way back, I opened a bag and snacked on some pizza flavored goldfish. I was about a fourth of the way through the bag when I decided I didn’t like it anymore and started tossing them out the window. We pull up to a stop light and my friend is trying to make me stop by rolling up the window, but I stick my leg out before he could close it. Next he tries to compromise and said if I wasn’t going to eat the goldfish, I should just put the bag down and remove my leg from the window. My tipsy ass told him no, I was handing out free food. I turned to look at the car next to me, asked (yelled) if they wanted any goldfish and held out the bag to them. I guess the dude thought it was funny and was just like “yeah sure why not, lifes too short to not eat goldfish from a stranger at a stoplight” alksdjflskdj

Lay:

When I was about 6 years old, I lived out in the suburbs of Fulshear, Texas. The community is really tiny and everyone knew each other. One time, I was playing hide and seek with my siblings, and decided to hide under my moms bed. While I was waiting for my brother to come find me, I fell asleep. A couple hours later I wake up and it’s dark out. The house is empty. I’m calling out to see if anyone is home, checking all the rooms. I thought maybe everyone decided to tag me “it” since I passed out. After a while of not finding anyone, the phone rings and I pick up. It’s my mom sounding out of breath calling to see if anyone found me and took me back to my house. Turns out I had actually been knocked out for 6 hours. Not being able to find me during hide and seek for 2 hrs, my siblings went to get my mom who also started looking for me. After another hour and no luck, she called our neighbors across the street to see if I went over to play with their kids. Ofc they said no and said they would call some other people in the neighborhood to find out if they'd seen me. A few hours later, the whole neighborhood was out looking for me. Meanwhile I'm at home chilling on the couch watching Teletubbies and eating goldfish (the original babey).

Luhan:

My dad took me and my siblings to the beach almost every summer in elementary school. We would always stay at this Holiday Inn right across the street from the sands. At night, we would go “hunting” for crabs with a flashlight and a fishnet. But on some nights when my dad was too tired to go out, my siblings and I would hang in the kids room at the hotel. We were fooling around and just being kids. Then we found a big case filled with tubes of paint. I was excited to do some finger painting but before I could reach for a tube, my brother stopped me to say he had an idea. He dared us lay down our sheets of paper and paint them by jumping on the tubes. Being the youngest of four, I thought this was a brilliant idea and immediately got to work. Set my paper down and lined up the colors I wanted to use. I jumped.... Only a spec of paint made it onto the paper... The rest beautifully decorated the off-white walls of the kids room. We all just froze because oh my stars we’re gonna be in so much trouble. Turning to each other, we made a very strong pinky promise to not tell a soul what happened. The next day when we returned to the kids room, the case was gone, faded splotches of green and purple remained on the walls, and a big paper taped above reading “NO PAINTING ALLOWED”.

Fun fact: my eldest sister used to write about my adventures for her creative essay homework’s in middle school.

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lucy-in-the-house · 6 years ago

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☆~Oc info sheet~☆

So I decided to get off my lazy @ss and post this :b

^^^sketch of my oc(tails and ears not included)doing one of her favorite passtimes, free-run parkour in search of a wall to graffiti^^^

☆*Full name*☆

Lucy Jeanette Eileen Giroud

☆*Nicknames*☆

"The fox"

☆*Sign*☆

Scorpio

☆*Birthday*☆

16/11

☆*Age*☆

17 (physically)

☆*Status*☆

Alive

☆*Race*☆

Half human/half demon

☆*Ethnicity*☆

French-American-British

☆*Gender*☆

Pineapple. Just kidding, Female

☆*Height*☆

1m62

☆*Weight*☆

50kg

☆*Blood type*☆

HH, also known as 'Bombay Blood'

☆*Eye color*☆

Hazel

☆*Hair color*☆

Orange/Red

☆*Occupation*☆

2nd year highschool student, or in France: Terminale student. And the personal bodyguard of the heir to a worldwide criminal organization.

☆*Relatives*☆

-Eliott Giroud (older brother).

-Lisana Teatly (Lily for short, childhood friend).

-Thomas Carlson (childhood friend)

☆*Hobbies*☆

Drawing, 'performing arts' (dancing, singing, theatre,...), playing video games, watching anime and listening to Kpop.

☆*Favorite food*☆

Chocolate and any soft, and not sour, candy.

☆*Favorite drink*☆

Powerade

Bubble tea

Iron bru (for the meme)

☆*For dem shipzzzz*☆

I like to ship her with Laito :3

/(0^0)/

☆*Quotes*☆

"Crazy is such an ugly word. I prefer... mentally unstable."

"I ain't no fox!"

"You vamps are literally oversized mosquitos"

"*Irish accent* you wanna go mate? You wanna fight? I'll bash ye 'ead in! I swear on meh mom I'll destroy ya!"

"Well imma just skiddadle the heck outta here"

"Hon Hon Hon I am very française!"

"GO GET DESTROYED!"

"*T pose* I'm the meme Lord and punmaster. Fear my powerrrrr..."

"If you're feeling suicidal you came to the right place! Cuz I'm gonna f*****g kill myself as well"

"BTS are true Gods. No need for Jesus when I got these sunshines."

☆*Clothes*☆

She will usually wear a red or purple hoodie with black shorts (sometimes jeans) with pink thigh highs and white shoes. She always has three hairclips to hold up the right part of her fringe. She has a pair of red glasses but doesn't wear them often because she forgets. She is very pale (mostly because of her unbalanced health) and is a bit chubby, she's a bit too busty for her age (but seriously doesn't give a damn).

☆*Personality*☆

She's a really laid back and bubbly girl, who has a bad case of swearing, and talking about morbid subjects with problem. She a good person, though she might be psycopathic. However, she's absolutely horrible at socializing, as a child she never had the chance to, so she has difficulty opening up to others, or speaking to people she isn't familiar with. Apart from that, she can get very sassy and sarcastic with a pinch of salt. She gets easily triggered like say sh&t about her fam and she'll diss yo @ss. She's also a 'daredevil', and will never say no to a challenge. She a kind soul with a pinch of spicyness and MEMES.

And although she's a weirdo, she a good and respectful student.

And I almost forgot, she a Kpop fan and an otaku (not a weaboo) so her social life is n o n e x i s t a n t.

☆*History*☆

(Note: her history is long, but if you read it all you'll get a cookie🍰🍩🍰🍪🍪🍪🍪)

Lucy was born in an average family. She grew up in france, though she was born in america. Her life at home was pretty normal, though she didn't get along very well with her father or siblings, but Lucy was pretty close to her mother who was like a best friend to her. At school however, she was constantly bullied, both mentally and physically. The reasons were one because she was the only child with red hair in her school (and they thought she had some contamination), and because she didn't fit in any social groups.

She grew up thinking she was a freak of nature and a disgrace, cursed to be alone, that love was something she'd ever experience and learned that the only way to be left alone was by being creepy and/or violent.

However, she managed to make friends with two people, and she made her mind to protect them no matter what. The bullying went on for 10 years. Her parents tried taking her to therapists, doctors, psycologist, but not one could fix her broken mind. So the only option they had left was to send her away to her Uncle and Cousin, after that day, she never saw her biological family again. (Except for her brother)

Her cousin Caitlin (who is now dead) was like an older sister, and was nice to her. She soon found out that her family came down from generations of monster hunters, her uncle was one, and so was her cousin, her cousin taught her how to fight, and the weakness of practically every monster that she could remember. But her cousin's intentions behind educating her on this topic was to find herself a replacement, to kill a demon she had summoned a few years back. Caitlin had sacrificed her soul to a demon to obtain the weapon needed, which she gave to Lucy.

After her cousin dissapeared, she went back to her hometown and reunited with her friends. She spent the next year hunting the demon her cousin was aiming for, but little did she know that the demon was also looking for her. When they finally encountered, it was a hard battle. Lucy won, but barely alive, having a big scar going across her torso. But before the demon died, it infuses its soul into Lucy's body, giving Lucy it's powers and cursing her with immortality. After that fight, she went back to her friends. They traveled down to the South of France and settled there, trying to live 'normal' lives... Until one day, she received orders from [...] to live with the sakamakis.

☆*Relationships*☆

-Eliott: they almost never interact, although they are family. They only speak when it comes to business or important matters.

-Lily: they are very close, Lily is one of the only two people who know Lucy inside out. Lucy has sworn to protect Lily even if it would cost her life. They love to hangout together and cry over fandoms.

-Thomas: same as Lily, except he's like a mom, always taking care of Lucy, even when she says she doesn't need help, they both share a love for kpop and anime. Lucy's emotional bond with Thomas is stronger than anyone else she's close to, even Lily.

☆*Abilities*☆

As Lucy is half demon, she gained most of the abilities of the demon who infused itself into her, who was a shadow demon:

-increased strength and hearing

-teleportation

-she can sorta float

-the shadow realm: by jumping into a shadow (a person's shadow, object's shadow, any shadow at all) she can enter an dimension called "the shadow realm", a place only shadow demon may access

-a little thing I like to call Katherine: Katherine was the 'name' of the demon Lucy fought with, this ability activities when she deadly mad or under too much stress or pressure that she just snaps and goes psycho. She has strange black tentacles (like a kagune from Tokyo ghoul). She will attack anything around her. Only Thomas and Lily can control her under this form.

Lucy has been fighting since as long as she can remember, so she is very skilled in the domaine.

Although she might not have all the abilities of the demon, she's still more powerful than a demon, as the fact she has emotions (which demons don't) has a great impact on her powers.

Lucy can't die from age ot sickness. But she candie from bloodloss and getting wounded, as she heals only slightly faster than a human.

☆*other info*☆

1-Lucy was the second eldest of her biological family.

2-she enherited half of her father's company (the other half her older brother) and her family's mansion.

3-she an absolute virgin :/ *le sad music*

4-She's left handed, therefore her capacity at cutting meat is non-exigent (true story, left handed people struggle more at cutting meat, and I'm talking out of experience because I am left handed)

5-she speaks fluent English and French (Those were the two languages she spoke throughout her childhood), she also learned German, Japanese and is trying to learn Korean. She's also fluent in Shakespearean and in both English and Australian slang.

6-in the south of France, she goes to a highly reputed international campus.

7-lucy doesn't like physical contact whatsoever, except for Thomas and Lily, and she can just about tolerate Laito but She gets really flushed and embarrassed. She gets uncomfortable when people touch her hair, shoulders, lower back and thighs, if someone does touch her there she'll flinch and try to pry them off.

8-she only wears clothes that fully cover her body because she's a very self aware person and she's covered in scars because of her sh&tty childhood.

#oc #diabolik lover oc #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers meme #oc x canon #oc rp #memes are my life #memes are great #memes are how i cope #memes are cool #memes are good #powerade is my life support #fite me

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svtmatokis · 6 years ago

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Maid of Honor: Epilogue

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!! So ultimately, I decided to take the rest of August off to recuperate from being sick the whole work stress thing but now that Septembers rolled around, it’ll be easier for me to manage my work load so I’ll start posting regularly again. Due to popular request -Coughmarycough- I’ve written this epilogue for MOH (also for Wonu-anon~) soo I hope you enjoy it!!

Parts: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 5.2 - 6 - 7 - 8 - END - EPILOGUE

Words: 2588

A year had passed since Mingyu and Hye-mi’s wedding and things with Wonwoo were nothing like you would’ve imagined had you stayed in any of your old relationships. He was nothing but perfect and you couldn’t have asked for a better man by your side.

You two finally moved in together after eight months since the lease on the apartment SVT Corp. had provided was up and it didn’t make sense for him to buy a new place. Your apartment more or less stayed the same since you and Wonwoo were simplistic people, though you had gained a nice DVD collection as well as about two extra shelves to accommodate his many pieces of literature among many gaming systems, all courtesy of Wonwoo.

Your work days were a routine. Wonwoo would wake up first, start the coffee and take a shower. Once he was out, he would wake you up so you could take your shower and by the time you came out, a steaming hot cup of coffee and breakfast awaited you on the kitchen counter. Then, you two would get ready and head out together, meeting Joshua halfway for coffee number two. You couldn’t help that you were coffee addicts right??

After work it really depended on who had projects or not but for the most part, you would go home together and relax. Work was never a topic at home unless it was something you wanted the others opinion on which wasn’t as often as you would expect. You and Wonwoo would make dinner together then snuggle for the remainder of the night till it was time for bed.

Your weekends were more on the unpredictable side. You tried to sleep in more on your two days of rest but since Wonwoo was in Korea to stay, a lot of his friends came to look for him, whether to have a meal or to take him out for the day. A lot of the times he would politely decline unless it was one of the guys from the group then he’d go and do whatever but his friends also understood if he wanted to spend more time with you instead. You would watch movies, go on dates, he would even take you shopping once in a while but all that mattered to him was that you were happy.

All in all, life was more or less perfect.

The two of you walked hand in hand through the streets of Tokyo in early April, right when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Wonwoo knew that you had always wanted to go to Japan during this time of year so he took his first opportunity and got it cleared by the board to sweep you away for a week on a surprise vacation.

“I cannot believe you pulled this off.” You said looking up at the cherry blossom petals dancing in the breeze.

“I’m Jeon Wonwoo, I can pull anything off” he said cheekily causing you to hit his arm lightly laughing.

”You are so-“ you started but Wonwoo cut you off by wrapping his arms around you.

“Handsome? Smart?”

“Full of it is more like it.” You shot back giggling as you settled under a cherry blossom tree.

Wonwoo wrapped his arms around you from behind as your hands rested on top of his. The two of you enjoyed the comfortable silence, watching people go about their business while children played at the nearby playground.

“You know...I did have a purpose for this trip though…” he muttered into your ear and you turned your head to look up at him with curiosity and noted that he looked slightly nervous.

“I want you to know that you mean the world to me…” he started and you gasped. This was not happening.

“And I want you to know that I love you with every inch of my being.” You were turned to fully faced him now as he continued his speech.

“Being with you this past year has been amazing and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in life. Y/N, I love you with every inch of my being and I am so thankful for the clumsy idiot I call a best friend that he married someone as smart as yours which is what lead me to you.” He took a deep breath as he pulled out a ring box from his pocket.

“Y/N, under these cherry blossoms, join me on a new adventure. Will you marry me?”

You stared at Wonwoo in shock as he looked at you with hope and the next thing you knew, you were both on the ground with you crying.

“Yes! Yes a million times yes!”

Applause was heard throughout the park as Wonwoo helped you stand up and he slid the ring on your finger before pulling you into his arms and swinging you around.

When he put you down, he pointed you in a certain direction and there stood Lee Jihoon with a video camera in hand grinning like he just made a million bucks.

Shocked, you ran over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. You hadn’t seen him since your fathers funeral a few months before because he had to go abroad. His producing skills had become known internationally and artists were coming left and right to ask him for help.

“How did you know?!” You all but screamed as you heard Wonwoo chuckle behind you.

“That idiot had to ask for someone’s blessing before he could go through with this and to hell that Joshua be here instead of me.” Jihoon replied with a smirk and looked you over. “Plus, I got it all on video so you have something to look back on.”

You turned to look at Wonwoo. He knew that despite your past with Jihoon, you two were still incredibly close and it showed that. Jihoon and Joshua had spent a good amount of time comforting your mother when your father had passed away in a car accident while Wonwoo comforted you and for that, you were grateful for all the men in your life. Jihoon was like an unbreakable rock to you and Wonwoo respected that.

The three of you spent the rest of your trip sightseeing before flying back to Korea together. You and Wonwoo happy as can be but anticipating the announcement to your friends.

A few days later you sat at a cafe with Wonwoo along with Joshua and Hye-mi in the seats across from you giving you both confused looks.

“So is there a reason for this meeting?” Joshua asked slowly as he sipped his coffee.

“We wanted to give you guys your souvenirs from Japan.” You said with a smile as Hye-mi eyed you skeptically noticing a certain glow coming from you.

“...is that all..?” She asked slowly as you handed both her and Joshua gift bags.

Looking at the contents inside, Hye-mi couldn’t help but squeal while Joshua only looked at his gift in awe.

“No freaking way!!!” She squealed some more before standing up and engulfed you in a giant hug making you both erupt in giggles as Joshua stood up and engulfed Wonwoo in a giant man hug before turning around to join in on yours and Hye-mis group hug.

Wonwoo could only watch you three act like fools as patrons of the cafe watched confused.

“So you two agree?” he asked once you calmed down and Hye-mi and Joshua nodded enthusiastically.

“Are you sure you don’t want Mingyu standing beside you?” Joshua asked concerned knowing the deep friendship between the two middle school friends.

Wonwoo shook his head with a grin, “I already cleared it with him when I told him I was planning on proposing. He thinks it’ll be bad luck if he walks the aisle with Hye-mi a second time.”

Joshua nodded his head in understanding before his grin matched Wonwoo’s, “Then I would be more than honored to be your Best Man.”

“Wait, how did my husband keep that from me?!” Hye-mi almost shrieked and you explained that Mingyu had known for ages that he was going to propose. He just had no idea when. That seemed to calm her down but it was Joshua’s turn to flare up when Wonwoo asked if they wanted to see the engagement video that Jihoon shot.

“EXCUSE ME?! YOUR BEST MAN WASN’T PRESENT AT THE PROPOSAL BUT YOUR FIANCES EX WAS?!”

That statement definitely got looks from the other cafe patrons.

Wedding planning was harder than you anticipated and you were wondering how you pulled it off with Hye-mi’s wedding but you knew that with the support of Wonwoo you could get through anything.

Your wedding party was slightly smaller and only consisted of Hye-mi and Jisoo while Wonwoo had Joshua and Mingyu. You both wanted to keep it small and simple and were thankful that all your friends were understanding about the matter.

The two girls were a big help when it came to dress shopping and all the decorative details. The spare bedroom in your apartment had once again turned into the bridal suite. Wonwoo was not allowed in there AT ALL and you made sure to keep the key to the room on you at all times.

Outside of that, he was a huge help with the wedding planning. He helped pick the venue, the food and of course the cake but he also ensured that it was the wedding YOU wanted.

A week before the wedding, the two of you were in bed discussing final details and that was when Wonwoo asked.

“Who’s walking you down the aisle?”

Thinking for a moment you smiled, “Believe it not, my mom asked Jihoon if he would do the honor”

“Really? So Jihoon’s giving you away?” Wonwoo asked sitting up almost immediately and you nodded your head in confirmation. He then let out a breath

“That means he’s actually giving you to me then.” He went back to lying down, “Interesting.” a grin permanently on his face. His thoughts going back to your hidden past relationship. He knew he literally had nothing to worry about anymore.

In the beginning, Jihoon’s over protectiveness made it hard to court you properly but as time went by, Jihoon backed off slowly. Who knew that someone could do so much even overseas? It wasn’t until Wonwoo took a “business trip” to Los Angeles to confront Jihoon stating that he had every intention on marrying you and was formally asking for his blessing.

Jihoon couldn’t say no after that and the whole engagement plan was set up.

The night before your wedding, Joshua and Mingyu came and kidnapped Wonwoo from your apartment, going as far as putting a sack over his head and dragging him out of the house with a rope. It was definitely a sight to see considering how it took all of Joshua and Mingyu’s strength to get him out of the house. That left you, Hye-mi and Jisoo cracking up on the floor for several minutes till one of you recovered and managed to bring the other two girls back to reality.

You felt extremely blessed to have these two girls in your life. Sure you had Jennie, Rose and the others but Jisoo and Hye-mi would always have a special place in your heart. Like sisters in a sense.

The three of you spent the whole night talking about how in time it was going to be Jisoo’s turn and Hye-mi made a statement that she knew Jeonghan already had a ring and by the end of the night, Jisoo already had her ideal wedding planned in her head.

The next day, everyone was up bright and early for your big day. Like Hye-mi’s wedding day, Wonwoo sent you roses but this time, they were white and there was only a short note.

My love,

I’ll see you at the end of the aisle. I’ll be the handsome guy in the suit ;) I would say more but this is Joshua writing the note for Wonwoo and he’s talking too fast. I think he’s nervous but I’m sure he’ll be better once he sees you.

p.s. Tell Hye-mi I’m sorry I broke one of her vases while we tried to drag Wonwoo into the apartment with the sack over his head.

Love always

Your future Husband

Jeon Wonwoo (and Joshua)

You laughed as you read the note before showing Hye-mi and Jisoo who both burst into giggles.

An hour later, you were all primped up and Jihoon showed up in a suit. (He would only wear one for you as he only wore a dress shirt to Mingyu and Hye-mis). He looked at you in awe and muttered to himself.

“Jeon Wonwoo is one damn lucky guy.”

Later at the ceremony, everything had gone as smooth as you had wanted it to go. Jihoon had given you away while your mother sat on the side with tears in her eyes, happy that her daughter finally found a man willing to take care of her.

As you walked down the aisle, many found it odd that someone so young was escorting you down the aisle and not your mother but it was explained in the program that Jihoon had become a dear friend of the family and it was your fathers wish that if he weren’t able to walk you down the aisle, that Jihoon would do so.

Wonwoo only had eyes for you as you walked down the aisle and to him, you were the only person next to him in the room. It wasn’t until Jihoon had come forward and flicked the groom in the head that he was brought back to reality causing everyone in the room to laugh while Joshua and Mingyu shook their heads.

Everyone was surprised to see him cry as he read his vows and promised that no matter what, he would make you the happiest woman until his last breath. The moment the ordinator said those five words. Yes THOSE five words.

“You may kiss the bride.”

Wonwoo swept you up in his arms and gave you the sweetest kiss you had ever received while Joshua and Mingyu as well as the rest of his friends cat called causing you to pull away while red in the face.

The reception was held in a hotel that SVT Corp. had offered to pay for. Since joining the team, Wonwoo had helped the company grow to extreme lengths and they wanted to thank him in anyway possible.

Various wedding games were played and your first dance was to a song Jihoon had composed specifically for the two of you.

As you danced in your husbands arms, you looked around the room. The reception was alot smaller than Hye-mi’s had been but it was filled with only those who were important to you outside of those you HAD to invite because of family.

Wonwoo noticed you were spacing out and gently kissed your forehead.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

You smiled looking up at him before your lips met in a sweet kiss.

“I love you” you whispered as he returned the sentiment.

Everyone around you smiled knowing that you had found your true happiness and knew that it was only the beginning.

You and Wonwoo would go through many hardships in life but ultimately knew that as long as you had one another, you would be able to get through anything.

#seventeen imagines #wonwoo imagines #kpop imagines #kpop #kpop scenarios #seventeen scenarios #wonwoo

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hazylucas · 6 years ago

Text

My Everything | Prologue

Words: 1.5k

Title: My Everything I Prologue 1

Pairing: Taeyong x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Prologue 1 2 3 4 5

The sun spread through the curtain, its glorious rays radiating throughout the wide room. You immediately turned the other direction, as an attempt to avoid the brightness. By impulse, you reached your small hand out to the right to meet another warm body. He looked stunning. He always did. As you smiled, he immediately opened his warm, inviting chocolate eyes.

"Awake already?"

"It's way too bright."

You grabbed the blanket and forced it on top of both your and Taeyong's bodies. As you looked over, he reached his long hand out to your face and gently traced your jawline lovingly. What you loved about him was not just his personality, but the way he spoke to you without any words. You didn't need words around him, he just understood. He knew you loved him, and you knew he loved you.

"Y/N, I hate to say it, but we should probably get up."

"I agree. I call the bathroom first though!"

You immediately threw off the ivory, satin blanket and sprinted towards the bathroom's grey door. Taeyong took after you, but you were too fast, and immediately the door was slammed shut.

"Y/N!"

"You should've run faster!"

"My shift is before you!"

"Does it look like I care?"

You heard an audible sigh at the other side of the door as well as a low chuckle. It had been two years since you had been dating Taeyong, and ever since you moved in, it was a tradition to have a competition of who could reach the bathroom the fastest. The idea was silly, but it was fun to show him your running abilities and beat him. You glanced at yourself in the mirror to ensure you weren't breaking out and opened the wooden drawer. After you finished washing your face and putting on your makeup, you opened the bathroom door.

"Finally."

"Taeyong, I took literally 15 minutes."

"Felt long enough though!"

You reached over to the bed while grabbing a pillow and slammed Taeyong in the head causing a few feathers to fall out and stick to his blunt red hair. He dyed it due to a music video shoot with his band and even though you never said it, he looked like a living god.

"OW! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!"

After 20 minutes of running around the room, throwing pillows at each other, the entire room was drowning in feathers.

"We should probably stop," Taeyong chuckled under his breath as he attempted to kick a few feathers under the shelf.

"Agree," you laughed.

You made your way to the closet and put on a light-pink off the shoulder top paired with cream-colored cotton shorts that had a feminine, professional bow at the top. It was one of the few days that you wore pink or even something feminine. One reason why Taeyong found you so fascinating was due to your ability to blend anywhere, with anything. You could wear a band t-shirt with a leather jacket and ripped jeans or a knee-length light blue dress and always look amazing.

"Wow. I have to say, that's one of my favorite outfits of yours." "Really? I'm glad you like it"

You spun around in your outfit, attempting to show off and giggled as Taeyong hugged your waist from behind.

9:10 a.m.

As Taeyong opened the car door, he reached out his pale, bony hand which you tightly squeezed as a sign of reassurance. Your jobs were utter blessings. Both of you worked at the same agency named SM in Seoul, South Korea. He was part of a large group named NCT which was one of the most successful groups of the country, releasing song after song and earning an endless amount of awards. He was a major figure in the group and he never failed to make you proud. As you entered the small elevator, Taeyong wrapped his arm around you and told you about what his group was planning. It was always exciting: world tours, fan signs, and interviews. However, it made you worried. Even though he put up a confident attitude, you felt that sometimes he felt down on things, down on himself. Yet, he always talked it out with you. You were always able to make him feel better about himself, and that's why you two worked out so well. As you walked through the corridor, you made your way to the wardrobe room, where you worked as a fashion stylist and makeup artist for the idols within the agency. Taeyong walked you to the door and waved to his friends sitting within.

"Don't have too much fun," he said while winking.

He kissed you once on the lips and it always made your breath hitch. His lips were plump near his cupid's bow and he always put just the right amount of passion into the kiss. In public, never too sexual and never too childish. His kisses were vanilla and honey mixed into one form with frosting on top. You could never get sick of him.

5:00 p.m.

After a long day of applying lipstick onto idols, you heard an attentive cough near the door.

"How is my princess doing?"

"I'm doing well. Just a lot of struggles with makeup on the boys. Oh, by the way, please don't let Taeil ever get mascara done. I'm pretty sure that he will end up losing an eye," you sighed remembering the two hours you spent on him.

"That's Taeil for you," he laughed.

He wrapped his arm around you once again, returning to his protective attitude and walked you out towards the matte, grey door. As Taeyong turned the steel handle, you immediately jumped, startled by the sight around you. Paparazzi swarmed every side of you, and the flashes repeatedly went off making you unable to see clearly. They had found you once again. Taeyong suddenly pulled you closer to him and lightly pushed your head down as an attempt to keep you safe from the sudden snaps of white light all around you. He quickly unlocked the door and the moment that you were in the car, you slouched down into the leather seat.

"I will never get used to that," you chuckled.

"Y/N."

"Yes?"

You glanced over at Taeyong to meet a solemn expression. His furrowed eyebrows and dark eyes stared at you while his lips were pulled in. He gripped the steering wheel with a death grip which was enough to indicate how agitated he was.

"Did they touch you?"

"No."

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Do you want me to do anything?"

"No."

He let out a small sigh. The public knew that you and Taeyong were in a relationship, but you two did your best to avoid keeping things mainstream. He was possessive and wanted the passion and love to remain on the low. Taeyong knew that other idols thought that you were attractive and he did everything in his power to give the media as little information as possible. However, you were a talkative person which made his job harder than usual.

"Damn Y/N... I'm sorry. I have no clue how they found out that we were here. I promise that I'll try to get the agency to add more security. I swear if I see one more light snap, I'll lose my shit."

"Taeyong, it's okay. When we got into a relationship, I knew what was coming. I literally signed up for this. Don't stress. It's actually a lot of fun seeing the paparazzi chase us. It's like our morning games," you replied, trying to lighten the mood.

His facial expressions lightened, and the boy you loved so dearly returned. On your way home, you and Taeyong blasted your favorite songs. As soon as Limitless came on, your favorite song by his group, you two were yelling the lyrics and attempting to do the choreography while in the car. You ended up raising your arm too high and slammed it against the roof of the car. You and Taeyong laughed to the point where breathing had become painful and he repeatedly asked you to stop laughing before he ended up crashing the car. When you finally got home, you exited the car and eagerly attempted to unlock the door. Until you noticed the small package lying on the doormat.

"Hey, T?"

"Yeah?"

"What is this?"

Taeyong strode towards you, concerned. You pointed towards the box on the ground and his expression slightly shifted until returning to normal. You found it strange, and you could not identify what exactly his emotions were earlier.

"Oh, this is the rough copy of the album we are planning to release to fans this summer."

"Wow, already? I'm sure it will be great."

Taeyong talked about how work was as he entered the door, wavering on one foot due to his lack of balance from holding the small cardboard package. Once you entered the room, you kicked off your blood red Louboutin heels and jumped onto the soft mattress. Taeyong chuckled at the sight, gently put the box down on the wooden desk, and laid down on the bed. He wrapped his arm around you and moved your head so that it rested in the crook of his neck, leaving you warm in his embrace. That's how you and Taeyong's relationship was. An utter fairytale. But not every fairytale gets to last forever.

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folkloreguk · 7 years ago

Text

Pick Me Up (optional bias smut)

(yes I did use ioi’s song as a title for my smut pls don’t fight me)

warnings: smut, horrible pick-up lines

pairing: reader (fem) x optional bias (male)

A/N: I thought about Ilhoon from BTOB when I wrote this but you can literally imagine anyone! I didn’t proof read this bc it’s late and I wanted to post it, but I’ll do that tomorrow. I hope you won’t find mistakes and even if you do, enjoy reading!! x

(H/N means “his name”)

[I wish I could tag my masterlist here, but if I do this post won’t show up for you guys anymore, but I havea link in my description!]

You were convinced. He was the most annoying fuckboy you had ever met. There were at least 10 other girls in your class, that were just as good looking as you. But for some reason he had chosen you. You didn’t understand why, but ever since he had first seen you, he hadn’t stopped trying to get with you. The amount of times he had asked you for your number was out of control. Not that you were going to give it to him any time soon.

You had to admit, he was smooth. He never seemed to run out of energy when it came to making up pick-up lines and asking you about your previous boyfriend. You had broken up with him after he had cheated on you. It turned out he had only been in it for the sex, and it prompted you to have lost all trust in boys. Otherwise, mr. fuckboy was the annoying but smart kid in class, who every teacher wanted to hate. They simply couldn’t, though, because no matter how many silly remarks he made, he always made up for them with just as many clever ones. He did manage to make you laugh too, at times when you weren’t busy being annoyed at him. All he seemed to think about was sex. And you.

The worst part about hating his acting though, was, by far, his handsomeness. Of course you would never admit it in his presence, but you didn’t exactly think he was ugly. But being attractive wasn’t all it took to make you open up to him. A boy. Boys, of whom you knew you shouldn’t trust them ever again. Sometimes you felt yourself doubting your devotion when you stared at him. When he grinned slyly after having made a smooth remark towards you before he turned around in his seat, facing the teacher who had probably warned him about interrupting the lesson already. But you were strong-willed.

“Shut up,” you muttered at him under your breath, glancing at the clock in the corner of the class room. 5 minutes to go. You can do this. He grinned, not fazed by your comment. He had just showed you an actual screw he had brought from home. “Wanna screw?” had his exact words been. You had never been this done with anyone. Lucky for him, your teacher had no interest in warning his students for interrupting. Especially because no one was listening anymore when there were only 4 minutes of the lesson left.

“I admit, not my best one. Here’s another one,” he said. Oh boy, here we go again. “If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?”

You wished in that exact moment you could slap his smirk off his face. Why did he have to sit in front of you? 3 minutes left.

“Your chances are smaller than zero, how many times do I have to tell you?” you muttered.

“Actually, my chances would be 50%. But I guess you- Ow!” he let out, as you had smacked his arm playfully. “You know you’ll say yes one day.”

“In your dreams,” you laughed ironically. “Can’t you just behave like any other normal student for a minute?”

And so he did. For the last minute, he turned around and shut up. You were almost impressed. Now and then you caught him taking a glimpse at the clock on the wall, eager to leave just like anyone else in the room. At the same time, you caught yourself staring at him. Black skinny jeans, deep blue sweater, some sneakers. Nothing out of the ordinary. His hair looked a little messy from where he ran his hand through it earlier (Not that you had noticed that, too). Then, the bell rang. Finally. Voices bubbled up and chairs scratched over the floor. You packed your bag just as he stood up, placing his own bag on his table. Rummaging through it, he pulled his phone out, checking the screen. A second later, his face darkened in concern.

“Crap. There’s something wrong with my phone,” he cursed. You were 900% ready to get out of this classroom, but being the good person you were, you worried at his genuinely stressed expression. When he was being normal for a minute, you couldn’t help but be polite.

“What is it?” you asked. He looked at you for a moment, then sighed.

“Your number isn’t in it,” he said, sounding completely serious. Was he for real?

“And that’s the way it should be,” you caught yourself. “I need my break from you when I’m at home.”

And with that, you left him standing. If you just had his determination and used it for school work, you’d have heavenly grades. You dragged your body home, feeling unusually tired. You didn’t have a big appetite, which was unusual, and couldn’t focus on anything.

The next day you were sick. You were sure it was nothing serious, but decided to stay at home either way. At least in your bed you would be left alone. No pick-up lines for a day seemed like a week of holidays to you. It was a Thursday filled with coughing, sipping hot tea and watching your favorite TV show. You felt better in the evening, but not exactly healthy.

The next day you walked into the kitchen. It was morning and you were ready to leave for school again. The second your mother heard the ugly cough leave your throat, though, she sent you straight back to bed. Fine, you thought. Even though you didn’t feel sick anymore, another day in bed surely wouldn’t hurt. It was Friday anyway, allowing you to be excited about the weekend already.

Around noon you decided to check your phone for messages from your friends. You were sure you had missed homework and other school stuff you didn’t exactly feel like dealing with. To your surprise, none of your friends had messaged you about homework. Instead, you found a text from an unknown number.

unknown number: hey

you: who is this??

unknown number: if you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you

you: how the hell did u get my number???????

unknown number: we got paired up for a project

you: what u talking abt???

unknown number: mr. smiths made us a pair for the history projects so ur friend had to give me ur number. its due to monday

you: what the hell????

unknown number: I didn’t come up with the dead line

unknown number: btw what’s with all the question marks

you: it’s called confusion

you: so when do we meet up?

unknown number: tomorrow? my place

You knew your parents wouldn’t be at home all day, and praying that his would be, you said yes. So there was still a small chance you wouldn’t have to spend an entire afternoon in a house alone with him.

On Saturday afternoon you had thrown on a random sweater with some pants, your sneakers and left your house. When you pulled up in his driveway you instantly noticed the lack of cars. He’s not getting into my pants, you told yourself. Why did you even have to remind yourself? For some reason, you felt nervous.

He ripped the door open around two seconds after you had rang the bell. In surprise, you flinched. The way he leaned against the door frame and grinned smugly made you frustrated. And you hadn’t even entered the house.

“Come in,” he made a dramatic gesture behind him, waving you inside. It almost made you laugh. Almost.

“Okay, first of all, rules.” You entered the house and looked around.

“Rules? What is this? BDSM?” he asked. You rolled your eyes. He nodded his head towards the stairs and you followed him.

“Focus,” you said, making him chuckle even more. “No pick-up lines. We need to get stuff done if this needs to be finished by Monday. I really need a good grade on this. Smiths already hates me for no reason.”

“Do I really distract you that badly?” he asked, smirking and turning around to you. His hair was messy, but in a good-looking way. His collar bones peeked out from under his shirt. You guessed he did distract you a little.

“See? That’s what I meant. Keep those comments in. At least until we’re back at school,” you said, entering his room after him. It looked cozy, and like he had just cleaned up. You hadn’t expected him to be messy, but not this clean either.

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s literally my character, if you haven’t noticed yet, sweetheart,” he said, sitting down at his table, smirking again.

“Sweetheart?” you asked in disbelief. You realized that he wouldn’t stop with his comments until you did. And because fighting wouldn’t get you anywhere, you decided to shut up and start working. Your topic was the most boring subject you had ever heard about, making it even more bothersome to research it. It had been at least three hours. He had kept quite calm throughout it all, but you still seemed to struggle to make progress. You had taken your space on the floor, leaning against his bed. Around you, pens and papers were sprawled across the floor while you bit your lip trying to figure out a structure for your presentation.

“I need a break,” he murmured quietly from his desk. You only hummed, your thoughts focused on the presentation. Your hand ran through your hair, sighing in stress. He cleared his throat, making you jump.

“Looks like you could need a break too,” he laughed. “I’m gonna get a glass of water. Do you want one as well?”

Still in concentration, you snapped out of your trance slowly. You got up while nodding, deciding he was right, for once.

You watched the back of his head as he walked. The work had made you sleepy and dizzy, a little as if you were drunk. Crazy thoughts flooded your brain all of a sudden. Your fingertips tickled at the thought of running your hands through his hair, down the nape of his neck. You had always loved his neck, you just never had admitted it. Shaking your head, you asked yourself what had suddenly gotten into you. All you hoped for was for the water to wake you up and let you focus again. You entered the kitchen.

You thanked him when he handed you a glass of cold water. After you had downed it, you still didn’t think clearer.

“I don’t think we’ll get to finish this today. My mom wants me to be home by eight for dinner,” you admitted. It was already half eight. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

For a moment he blinked at you, then he grinned. You already knew what that expression meant.

“I mean…hopefully you…,” he mumbled. When you playfully lifted your hand as if to smack him, he held up both hands in surrender and giggled. “Okay! I don’t have plans, alright?”

“That’s literally all you had to say,” you let out, shaking your head at him.

“Y/N. Be honest for once. You like my pick-up lines,” he urged you. You laughed ironically. “Deep down, you do.”

“You drive me insane,” you said.

“That wasn’t a no!” he yelled in success, putting down his glass. “Come on. What’s so bad about me? What wrong have I ever done to you?”

You were taken aback by his sudden question. What wrong had he done to you? He had never been rude, only his goofy, sex-obsessed self. You glanced at his face. His eyes were waiting for an answer, hands crossed above his chest.

“I’m just not very fond of boys after my ex cheated-” you began.

“Seriously? You compare me to your ex-boyfriend?” he asked, genuinely offended. It was true, he was nothing like your ex. Much funnier, to begin with.

“I’m not comparing you! I guess I just don’t want to get involved with a guy any time soon,” you admitted.

“It’s not like I want to get married to you!” he argued.

“Wow, thanks,” you laughed at his defensiveness. “What do you want, then?”

He tilted his head at your question as if saying “Are you serious?”. Suddenly, he took a step towards you, startling you. Your body backed up against the counter, hands gripping the hard material as he studied your face.

“You know exactly what I want,” he breathed out. His face was so close to yours, you could feel the air from his lungs on your skin. It made your heart beat restlessly. His hand went under your chin, as if telling you. It was you, he wanted. You waited for his lips, but they never touched yours. He was waiting for your reaction. You realized he wasn’t going to kiss you without your consent. The boy wasn’t just determined, he also had one hell lot of self-control. Unlike you.

You closed the space between the two of you, lips colliding. Kissing him felt like triggering an avalanche of built-up frustration and emotions that had only been waiting to break free. His hands grabbed your sides roughly. He finally had what he wanted. In agreement, he let out a low sound when you pushed your body against his, chests touching. His tongue swiped over your lip, and you opened your mouth instantly. He tasted of bubble gum and smelled of cologne. His hands were even more eager than his mind, exploring your hips and waist, tugging at your clothes impatiently. You felt as if a ton-heavy weight was slowly lifting off you as you relaxed against his controlling touch and dominant kisses. He was right. Sex wouldn’t hurt your feelings. Not like your ex-boyfriend had. But your thoughts of him washed away in a blink when the boy in front of you pulled away and turned his attention to your neck. Your breath was shaky when he kissed you roughly, his teeth scraping against your skin. For a moment you let your head hang back, closing your eyes. His lips were soft but so passionate at the same time.

When your eyes opened, they fell onto the clock above the fridge. It was five to eight. Your eyes widened in shock.

“Wait, hold on,” you mumbled, softly tugging at his shirt. The look he gave you resembled a puppy whose food had been taken away. “I gotta get home, or else my mom kills me. She wants to have a family dinner. I’m sorry.”

He pouted, but nodded hesitantly. You wished you could’ve just been that rebel that ignored their parents for once. But that’s not who you were.

“But you’ll come over again tomorrow, right?” he asked, hope in his look as he showed you the way to the door.

“Yeah. To finish the project,” you emphasized.

“Sure,” he grinned, rolling his eyes. For the first time, you couldn’t blame him for thinking about sex now.

“I mean it! We’re not even halfway through, especially the presentation is not even close to finishing. We still need to write the entire text and draw the map. It’ll never work out,” you suddenly started to worry. Tomorrow was your last day and you had to spend it working with a boy that was sexually frustrated because of you. Which you, by the way, were as well.

“I’ll work on it tonight, maybe I get to finish it,” he said, completely calm.

“If you finish the project tonight I’m the princess of China,” you joked.

“And you’d let me have what I want?” he asked, unfazed. Let him have what he wanted. You laughed at him. There was no way he could finish the project by himself, in that short time. But a boy can dream.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, already out the door. “Bye. See you tomorrow.”

The next day at 3 you left your house, your bag full of pens, books and paper. You remembered the way to his house perfectly, and pulled up in front of it 10 minutes later. You chewed on your lip nervously whilst waiting for the door to swing open. You had thought the feeling would’ve gone away by now. But no way. The second you laid eyes on him when he opened up, you wanted him even more than yesterday. His hair looked freshly done but you wished you could mess it up. His lips were parted slightly as his gaze ran over your figure. You hadn’t worn anything special, just casual clothes. Yet he eyed you as if he never wanted to look at anyone else. When his look met yours, you looked away shyly.

“Come on in,” he said, completely relaxed. Without words you followed him to his room. The half which had the bed looked practically untouched. The other half, however, was a tornado-like chaos. Various pens sprawled across all surfaces and paper with messy notes covered every surface.

“Told you,” he grinned proudly. You lifted your eyebrows when he carefully stepped over the paper maze and grabbed a stack of them. Proudly, he handed it to you. You couldn’t believe your eyes. While he watched you, your eyes scanned the text quickly, making sure it made sense. You had known he was smart, but not this smart. Suddenly you wished you could do all of your projects with him.

“You did this by yourself? Last night?” you asked, still surprised. He chuckled.

“Indeed. It took me until three in the morning, but it’s done now,” he said. “Not a big deal.”

“Why didn’t you work that hard yesterday when I was over?” you asked.

“Honestly? I wanted you to stay over longer,” he admitted. His determination was definitely out of control.

“And now you asked me to meet again. If you were finished anyway you didn’t need me to come over,” you noticed. Then you remembered his words from last evening. He wanted his reward. You caught him licking his lips and your stomach flipped. Quickly, you looked over the text in your hands again.

“Is this how badly you want to get into my pants?” you joked, gesturing to the paper.

„Actually I think I just discovered my love for the history of the Medieval and Modern Africa,“ he explained matter-of-factly. You laughed out, and at the sound his eyes crinkled up too.

“Oh, of course, I’m sure of it,” you played along. “You know I could still say no now, and you’d have to accept it, right?”

He thought for a second.

„Sure, you could and I would. That sounds a lot like you’re saying yes, though,” he commented, smirking his famous, way too confident smile. He had never been more right and you knew it.

“Look. This one time, I’ll let you get away with it. But for the record, you can’t buy me with work. I’m only agreeing because I wa-” you started, holding up your finger. Suddenly, he walked over to you, grabbed your sides and attacked your mouth with his. You let out a surprised sound and stumbled backwards. You didn’t fall, though, because his grip on you was tight and after three chaotic steps your back hit the wall. There was no way for you to leave now, (not that you wanted to anyway) as his hands lay flat against the wall on your sides and he kissed you like his life depended on it.

He wasn’t doing anything particularly dominant, but the way he had you caged between the wall and his body and controlled the way you kissed him made your knees feel weak. Your previous boyfriend had made you feel good, but in a very sweet way. The boy that was all over you right now, however, seemed to not have the word vanilla in his vocabulary. You had no problem with him being rough. When you thought about it you let out a low whimper, to which he responded with a low growl.

“I’ve waited for so long, I thought I was gonna go insane,” he breathed against your lips as your chest heaved at the intensity of his kisses. You didn’t know how to speak anymore. Instead, you grabbed his neck and pulled him against you again. The way his tongue moved over yours made you wonder what else it could do to you. Involuntarily, your legs pressed together.

His hands were pulling your hair softly before moving downwards. Almost innocently they wandered over your chest, but you instantly arched your back, wanting more. They continued over your sides, holding you firmly by your hips. Then, they began lifting your top eagerly. You didn’t hesitate. It landed on the floor and meanwhile, he took off his own. You eyes barely had any time to admire his toned upper body, before they closed when his lips attacked your neck fiercely. His hands grabbed your ass and you moaned slightly. The way his lips played with your senses made you feel like melting underneath his teasing touch. They were rough and biting, and a second later soft and soothing. Your head leaned against the wall as he skillfully opened your bra, letting you toss it to the side carelessly. You whimpered at the sudden contact when his lips closed around one of your nipples, his hand playing with the other. His teeth grazed over your skin repeatedly, surely leaving purple marks. At least no one would see them there.

When he pressed his body against yours, you felt the bulge in his pants had grown. That didn’t take long, you thought proudly. On the other hand, you weren’t surprised. He was basically begging you to let him fuck you on a daily basis. You laughed quietly. While he was playing with the waistband of your pants, almost dragging them down, he reacted.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, confused but amused. You blushed, helping him to get rid off your pants, his following afterward.

“I was just thinking about how happy you must be now,” you explained, teasing him.

“I’m in heaven,” he didn’t hesitate to say. You were busy laughing as he took your arm and lead you to his comfortable looking bed. Turns out it didn’t just look the way. First, you admired his soft sheets, but then your focus diverted to him. To his mouth, to be exact. He kissed down your chest teasingly, but you felt how eager he was to get to your lower region. His hands stroking over your hips so tenderly were a massive contrast to his mouth. He licked and bit your skin until he reached the material of your underwear.

“You’re sure about this, right?” he asked. You wondered about his sudden hesitation.

“Of course I am,” you assured him, begging him to continue with your look.

“And you’ve done this before, right?” he asked. You were taken aback.

“What made you think I haven’t?” you asked, getting really impatient by the second.

“I just thought…, maybe you didn’t react to my pick up lines and jokes because you had never-” he explained. You laughed out. He looked puzzled.

“The problem wasn’t that I hadn’t had sex before, which I have, by the way. Your pick-up lines are just really, really bad,” you joked, grinning at him. He was playfully outraged.

“Okay, wait, you’ll love this one. Why do-,” he began, but was cut off by your voice.

“I am laying on your bed, half-naked and you’re trying to impress me with a pick-up line? You can do better than that,” you scolded him, chuckling. The tension between your legs became more unbearable with every passing second of him not touching you, and you couldn’t handle it.

“You’re right. I’ll show you how to be truly impressed, don’t worry,” he was back to being his cocky self. You were almost glad, because finally he pulled down your underwear. You lifted yourself up on your forearms, watching him as he breathed hot air against your wet center. Gently, his arms wrapped around your bent legs, laying on your lower stomach.

“Please, hurry,” you begged. He smirked, and you almost regretted saying it. Then you sucked in a breath when he licked a stripe over your folds, teasing you endlessly. He chuckled lowly when you let out a mix between a whimper and a groan, only leaving you more eager. His tongue was way too gentle on you. Forcingly, he pushed your legs apart further, giving him better access. When his tongue went over your clit, he suddenly stopped the game. While his finger nails dug into your stomach’s skin, he sucked on your clit, first hard, then softly and so on. He hadn’t been lying. Your throat left a breathy moan when he continued with licking, this time stronger than at first. As time went on, his muscle became faster and you felt yourself become weaker. You had to admit, he looked extra good laying between your thighs. You smiled in bliss, forgetting everything else around you.

“You’re so damn good at this,” you said, but the last part ended in a whimper when he payed extra attention to your sweet spot, making you see stars for a second.

“Told you,” he mumbled, barely pulling away. The vibrations his voice sent through you made you grip the bedsheets tightly. “If you would’ve only realized it sooner.”

He smirked up at you, not stopping his actions. Your stomach twisted in pleasure and anticipation. At this point, holding yourself up was no point anymore. You let your upper body fall backwards, the soft sheets catching you as you closed your eyes. You felt like you wanted to get even closer, although his face was basically buried between your legs. You squirmed under his grip when you felt yourself near your release.

“Stay still for me,” he ordered. There was only a little dominance in his voice, yet it made you want to behave. Even though you knew you couldn’t.

“But I’m so close,” you whimpered. He only took your words as a motivation. Faintly, you wondered how he had gotten so good with his mouth. His hands made you shiver even though they were gripping your body with roughness, keeping you in place. As you felt yourself get closer and closer to your release, your hands went to his hair. He slowed down for a second, but then he realized you didn’t want him to stop. The short break seemed to have left you even more sensitive. When he began sucking your sweet spot again, you almost couldn’t take it. His tongue leaped at your clit quickly. All you could do was close your eyes and attempt to control your moans. Within seconds you were coming, squirming underneath his touch while pulling his hair. Your back arched off the mattress and you moaned his name, no one else on your mind. He slowed down his actions and you shook slightly when he licked your over-sensitive clit one last time before pulling away.

For a few seconds you caught your breath, feeling his arms loosening their grip and his hands stroking over your skin soothingly. You stared at the ceiling for a while as your chest heaved, eyes blinking slowly. For some reason, you didn’t have enough of him yet. When you looked down, he was already staring up at you, grinning proudly at your expression. He gave you no signs of being eager, even though you were pretty sure he was. He was simply admiring you. It made you feel slightly weird.

“Are you not gonna take your pants off?” you asked. He laughed at your comment, shaking his head out of his focused state. Then, he got up and did just that. His boner was prominent and looked almost painful. He made a move towards the bed, almost as if he was going to climb on top of you. Then, he stopped in his tracks.

“Wait-” you began. Use protection, kids.

“Condom, I know,” he said, digging through his dressing table. When he finally scrambled onto the bed, he seemed to have lost all patience. Your hands went around his neck while he pumped his shaft a few times, squinting his eyebrows at the built up tension.

“Ready?” he asked you. You nodded before he had even finished the word. He entered you slowly, but wasted no time in picking up pace. At first, you whimpered at how he filled you up and how sensitive you were. Then, you got lost in the way he bit his lip and how his jaw flexed under his skin. His moans sounded like music to your ears. He was holding himself up on his arms while your legs bent a little, making him slam into you at a perfect angle. You cried out when he almost pulled out fully, only to thrust back into you until his hips met yours, his skin hot against yours. Your hands were playing with his soft hair by the nape of his neck, while he lowered his head a little. He wasn’t kissing you, but your lips were touching slightly, your unsteady breaths becoming one. He repeated your name a few times, as if praising you. His arms flexed under his weight, his veins standing out.

His member brushed over your sweet spot over and over, making you clench around him. He grunted at the sensation, only leading you to do it again. You loved seeing the way he shut his eyes tightly, concentrating on the pleasure. His thrusts were quick, but seemed less controlled than in the beginning, meaning he must have been close. Curses left his mouth, while you moaned softly. His motion became even quicker as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, lips hovering over your skin. His name slipped past your lips when he messily kissed you there, not slowing down his thrusts. When you clenched your walls around him again, he was sent over the edge.

He groaned, his arms giving out and he fell onto his forearms, basically laying on top of you now. His skin was hot and his breaths uncontrolled, face still in your neck. When he looked up at you he looked thoroughly content. You grinned tiredly. He pulled out carefully, making you whimper. For a few seconds you stayed that way, catching your breaths. It was quiet in the room, and you felt energetic and at the same time completely exhausted. Of course he was the first to speak.

“Don’t you wanna hear my pick-up line from earlier?” he asked. You almost smacked him. Then, you laughed.

“Okay, tell me,” you said, leaving him surprised. He was going to tell you anyway.

“People call me H/N, but you can call me tomorrow.”

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