#he kept me company during a terrible time of my life

[allramnostorage]

every once in a while i really start to miss my cat. i only had him for a year really but damn i loved that little dude

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Wondered If I Could Come Home? (Astarion x F! Reader)

Synopsis- It’s been 4 months since you last saw Astarion and 3 months since you killed the Netherbrain with your other companions. Shortly after, you settled down in Silverymoon to begin a life out there and try to push Astarion out of your mind- except it can never be that easy. You shortly discover you are pregnant with his child- a child that could kill you during childbirth. Scared and alone- Shadowheart stays with you to help you deliver the baby and keep you alive.

While out at the local market, Shadowheart runs into Gale and invites him over for dinner. Gale has unexpected company.

CW: Pregnancy, mentions of potential death during birth, mentions of nudity, mentions of NSFW smut

To my fellow DND fans- no this is probably not canon compliant, yes I’m upset about that, but look I really needed to write this so sue me I guess

Author note- Self indulgent, I have baby fever, but don’t want a baby fic. I’m unsure of how long this will be or if it will have more parts-it depends on how angsty I feel, but I need to have like six different ideas to think about at a time soooo 😂

*This hasn’t been edited ✨well✨so please forgive me

*again, no fucking clue who’s picture it is, but it sure as shit isn’t mine so if it’s yours- reach out so I can give credit!

You keep yourself propped up against the sink in the kitchen as Shadowheart holds your hair out of your face and dabbing away the cold sweat that drips down your neck.

You are really sick of being morning sick. It’s absolutely the worst thing in the world- well besides your potential death from carrying your little girl inside of you. You sometimes think Astarion may get his wish- you may just die screaming.

You dry heave one last time- not a single thing comes up because you haven’t kept a single thing down since two mornings ago. Your morning sickness is inconsistent and comes on with little to no warning.

It’s been five months since you conceived this fricken kid, but it was like all the symptoms hit after you killed the Netherbrain.

A part of you really wishes you had somehow known before then- maybe it would have changed the cruel fate that ended your relationship with Astarion. You were literally pregnant in the middle of fighting Cazador. You think about what he last said to you all the time and just sob hysterically- like it happened yesterday.

A deeper part of you feels abandoned, but you blame yourself for him leaving. You should have been more convincing or maybe you shouldn’t have flat out told him no and explained why in the hells you didn’t want him to ascend.

For example- you didn’t want to lose him to some evil version of himself.

Ironically, you lost him anyway and are pregnant with his fucking child who insists on occasionally making you miserable.

Despite your inherent sadness, anger, and sickness, you find you are actually quite excited to meet her. You haven’t settled on a name yet and Shadowheart has been very helpful in regards to making sure you are healthy and strong for delivery. She’s your best friend and you could not be more grateful for her.

“I’ll go back to the market today and get you more of those herbs,” Shadowheart says quietly when she talks to you, “they seemed to help last time?”

You nod- exhausted and your head is pounding. You and this kid are going to need to have a serious conversation. You will not be letting a second Acunin make you miserable before she is ever born.

Shadowheart guides you to your bed upstairs, standing behind you in case you get hit with a wave of vertigo- which usually happens post vomit episode.

You pull your curtains closed- thankful that the desperate hope in your heart led you to buying black out curtains. You close your door and lay down on your bed- tears spilling down your cheeks freely.

You miss him terribly. You shouldn’t. You should positively hate him, but everyday of this pregnancy makes you ache for him. You should be doing this together.

You know it’s hormones- the weepiness, the intense longing, and the Gods awful horniness. Dreams are the worst. You wake up a squirming disaster at least three times a week with your skin burning hot with memories of Astarion touching you.

You are happy that isn’t the case currently, but the weepiness sucks too. Remembering how he used to curl around you, the way it felt to have him kiss you on the forehead, and all those late night conversations with (now empty) promises. You curl yourself around your pillows, willing your imagination to pretend it’s him, and you sob until you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Astarion tries to contain his excitement and fear as he follows Gale and Shadowheart to your home. Finally, after searching for literal months, he was going to see you again.

Astarion has been haunted by the last words he had said to you for what feels like eons now. He hadn’t meant it at the time and he certainly doesn’t mean it now.

He had been too afraid to come back to you after everything he had said. Astarion decided you probably hate him anyway so he tried to move on.

He tried being with other people (it always failed miserably because they weren’t you), he drank until he couldn’t remember a damn thing, and when all else failed, he began his search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

After the nightlife of Baldur’s Gate lost it’s appeal and he finally found a ring location, Astarion found himself in front of Gale’s door in Waterdeep- begging him of all people to help him.

The wizard had been puzzled and melancholy when he realized Astarion was at his door. Astarion told him every little piece of how he feels about you, how much he misses you, and how he wants to be able to give you the life that you deserve. Astarion was practically on the verge of hysteria while trying to make his case.

Thus began the search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

They were able to locate and obtain one after a grueling three month long journey and some help from one of Gale’s old friends. Then, they headed straight to Silverymoon- your last known whereabouts.

Running into Shadowheart had felt like a miracle, but to also have her living with you had made the trip even easier. Except Shadowheart was being really really weird towards him.

When Gale first asked if Astarion could come along too, Shadowheart had asked Astarion why he wanted to come and see the person he “hoped died screaming?”

Astarion had flinched at the anger and venom in Shadowheart’s voice. He figured the others would be mad, but he was hoping maybe Shadowheart would give him a little easier time like Gale had. Astarion was genuinely surprised by how quick she was to be defensive of you and your whereabouts. When Gale confirmed that Astarion was telling the truth, Shadowheart reluctantly said he could come.

The three arrive at the front of your shared townhome- it faces the beach and has the perfect amount of windows for the sun to light up the house, but one of the rooms is hidden from sight with heavy, black out curtains.

Shadowheart turns to both of them, “Tav might not be able to join us… she’s been sick for a bit now and is… recuperating.”

Astarion feels his heart drop to his stomach.

“Sick? For how long?”

Shadowheart shifts on her feet uncomfortably, “5 months, but it got worse around 3 months.”

“Tav has been sick for that long?” Gale exclaims, “why didn’t you write!? I could have helped.”

“This particular affliction is one you wouldn’t understand,” Shadowheart says with a finality that suggests the conversation is done as she leads them into the kitchen.

Shadowheart immediately gets fussing with the herbs while Gale looks around the house. Astarion is still unsure of what he should be doing. The house engulfs him in your scent and he feels positively intoxicated. You must be really sick though because your scent smells different- not bad at all, just different.

Does he talk to Shadowheart? Does he look around with Gale?

Or does he sneak off and find you? Astarion doesn’t want to waste anymore time than he already has. Slowly, he creeps towards the stairs.

“Don’t even think about it, Astarion,” Shadowheart warns.

Astarion looks at her and then back at the stairs. He does this a couple times until Shadowheart appears to be annoyed enough that she’s let her guard down a bit.

Astarion takes off up the steps and he hears Shadowheart and Gale coming up right behind him.

Astarion hears a dry heave from down the hallway and he goes racing for the door.

If you are as sick as Shadowheart has suggested (5 months is crazy long), Astarion may not have much time with you and Gods he needs to take advantage of the time he does have.

Shadowheart be damned.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up feeling even worse than you did when you fell asleep. Your headache feels like it’s taken on a life on it’s own and Gods you are going to vomit all over the floor if you don’t move NOW!

You get up with an impossible amount of speed for how dizzy you are and you grab the pail on your nightstand and heave painfully.

You are rocking back and forth, groaning as more stomach acid comes up because again, not able to even keep anything down.

You hear a pair of footsteps and then Shadowheart screaming after-

“ASTARION! THEY ARE SICK! YOU NEED TO WAIT!”

“I have been looking for them for months now,” you hear him hiss, “if they are sick, I need to see them. If this has lasted five months- then who knows how much time I’ve wasted!”

“Will you stop being selfish for five minutes!? It’s not about you and who even says she wants to see you!?”

Shadowheart and Astarion are yelling in front of your door now. You feel tears prick your eyes- Astarion is here. Here here. A flurry of excited kicks from inside you catches your attention and a feeling of blissful happiness comes over you. Oh look, the nausea is gone. Of course it is.

“Traitor,” you whisper before laying down on your bed for a moment.

You are very happy that your unborn daughter appears to be pleased and feels good about her dad being on the other side of the door. You, on the other hand, are less than optimistic.

Wasted time doing what? And why did Shadowheart say I was sick!? In what world was that going to keep him from going upstairs!? Especially if he, your mind pauses, cares about me? Again?

Which you hope he does- you would hope Shadowheart wasn’t so sick of taking care of you that she brought him here to finish the job. Maybe this is all one big show.

Another, “I WILL DO WHAT I PLEASE” from Astarion, a “YOU SELFISH BASTARD” from Shadowheart, and a “Please can’t we all just be nice, catch up, and get along?” from Gale finally gives you the motivation to get up. The arguing feels far too much like being in camp again. You pinch the bridge of your nose, willing the growing headache to go away.

It doesn’t so you change into a pair of longer cotton pajama pants, a t-shirt that is unfortunately showing off your bump more than you’d like, and then you swing open the door in tired annoyance.

You are met with Astarion looking at you- his eyes scanning up and down your body- settling on your stomach. His expression is unreadable- it’s somewhere between lust, love, grief, and heartbreak. Embarrassed by Astarion’s intense gaze, you look over at Gale who is all smiles for you.

“Congratulations Tav!!!” Gale practically yells, making you wince, “the father is a lucky man.”

“I don’t think he considers himself a lucky man,” you say pointedly before turning to Astarion, “or do you?”

Astarion’s face changes entirely with your words. His eyes look at you, round and soft. His eyes are full of adoration and need- a look you never thought he would give you again. You have to fight the urge to grab him and drag him into your bedroom. You will not let the hormones win- you will be strong.

“I- it’s- I mean,” Astarion is fumbling over his words, “you are carrying my child?”

“Yes,” you say grumpily, crossing your arms,” and she’s been giving me nothing but trouble. Thanks to your genetics, I’m sure. This is day two of not being able to keep a damn thing down and this fucking headache is UNBEARABLE so please for the love of every God keep the arguing down.”

Astarion is still looking at you with a mystified expression- taking you in as if for the first time in his entire life. You look back towards Gale and Shadowheart- you are entirely too self-conscious and way too excited to see him for him to be looking at you like that. You are trying to be mad dammit!

Shadowheart gazes at you and your surely red tipped ears with amusement before she says, “I’ll go and get the potion ready for you- that should hopefully help.”

“I will- uh,” Gale says awkwardly, looking between you and Astarion, “join you! I might need to know which herbs to use… in the future?”

“Planning on getting pregnant Gale?” You say with a smirk.

Gale snorts at you, “Dear friend, as wonderful as you look right now- none of the side effects sound appealing.”

“Oh they most certainly aren’t,” you say,” but thanks for thinking I look ‘wonderful’. I feel, well, disgusting.”

“Gods, how could you even think that?” Astarion blurts out, appearing shocked that he even said it, “you look like…. A vision. A wonderful, stunning vision, Darling.”

Shadowheart and Gale excuse themselves as you struggle to find the words for Astarion’s comment. Your entire body feels like it’s on fire and you feel yourself begin to melt a little bit. You feel your emotions bloom into something resembling spring as he steps closer to you- looking at you with pleading eyes.

You clear your throat, “would you like to come into my room and talk?”

Astarion nods eagerly, following behind you so close that you once again have to remind yourself that ripping off the clothes of someone who literally told you they wanted you to die screaming was not healthy- at least not until you get a proper apology.

You sit against your headboard as Astarion walks around your room- running his fingers along the bassinet and rocking chair in the corner. You still can’t get a read on him.

“A girl?”

His question breaks the air.

“Yes,” you smile at him, “no name yet though.”

“I’m sure you’ll pick a nice one,” he says with a smile, but his tone is entirely too melancholic.

A painful thump in your heart fills your body with sadness. He doesn’t want to be involved. Of course he doesn’t want to be involved. You are his knocked up ex-girlfriend. What were you expecting? The lump forming in your throat is unbearable.

“You don’t want to be involved?”

Oh good Gods you are crying. Astarion rushes over to you the minute your tears begin to fall- sitting in front of you on the bed. He reaches out and gently wipes your tears away as he speaks.

“I want to be involved so badly it hurts,” his voice comes out scratchy and emotional, “but that is your decision, not mine. You have been on your own for months, my Love. Instead of trying to come back and make it better- I pushed it off until I thought I could give you what you deserved- a life in the sun.”

You almost whine in protest when his hands leave your face. He twists the ring around his index finger before continuing, avoiding your gaze, “But maybe I was wrong. Maybe what you deserve is a person that isn’t so damaged. Someone who can give you what you actually deserve which is a loving partner who hasn’t hurt you over and over again- a man worthy of being a father to ou- I mean your child.”

His confession and the tears that are streaming down his face are enough for you. Yes, you absolutely want to scream and yell at him, but you also ache for him. You can’t fault the man for being a slave for 200 years and then not taking it very well when you told him what to do. You always knew you would forgive him if he came back- you never thought he would, but here he is and like he said- there is no reason to keep wasting time.

“She is our child, Star,” you whisper and guide his eyes to look at you, “I want you to be involved. I don’t care what you think I deserve either. I have missed you so horribly since you left. It’s almost pathetic really. I’ve tried to blame it on the hormones, but… I don’t know. The picture has felt incomplete up until now.”

You absentmindedly put your hand on your stomach- receiving a kick. You glare at the place where your hand is resting.

“Will you stop kicking me for five minutes!?” You scream, “I WAS IN THIS BODY FIRST!”

Astarion looks at you bewildered and confused, but quickly realizes you aren’t talking about him. The smile that spreads across his face is wide and Astarion gingerly moves closer. You are still a little cautious- needing to protect not only yourself, but also your unborn child. He moves to the right of you and goes to move you just slightly so he can slip in behind you.

“Could I? I mean if it’s not crossing any boundaries!”

Astarion is on edge- you can tell that much, but he doesn’t look at you like he did that last time you saw him- Astarion is looking at you like you are the most precious individual who has ever walked this earth.

You nod shyly, and then Astarion slots himself behind you, your back against his chest, his face in the crook of your neck, and his legs on either side of yours. He cautiously puts his hands on your stomach and is immediately kicked.

Astarion laughs with joy, “she’s strong!”

“Strong willed and strong physically,” you shake your head and you are laughing a bit now too, “you may just get your wish yet.”

“What wish?”

It had slipped. You hadn’t meant to bring it up again- or maybe you did. You want to know for sure if he still feels that way, but the confusion in his voice says he doesn’t. You go rigid and go to dismiss it when you feel his posture change behind you, his grip loosening ever so slightly.

“Right… that.”

The silence is nerve-wracking. You’ve lost him again, you are sure of it. A stray tear begins to roll down your cheek.

“Astarion-“

“No, let me think, Darling. I want to make sure I say everything I want to say correctly.”

You continue to sit there in silence, he places soft kisses on your neck. You feel him smile against your skin at the needy moan that escapes your lips. You absentmindedly reach out for one of his hands and begin to play with his fingers while he thinks. Astarion used to let you do this all the time while you were traveling- it helps you feel grounded.

“I was so consumed by all that power in the moment,” he says slowly, “I wasn’t thinking. By the time I had realized what I had done, I felt like it was already too late- you most likely hated me and moved on.”

You have to bite your tongue- you want to scream. Hate him? Never. You had been miserable without him around for that last month of traveling. Your heart had felt like a dead weight in your chest and you had been moving around like a zombie.

“So I tried to move on… I even tried to be with others, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s selfish, but I want you. I never want anything bad to happen to you- I certainly don’t ever want you to die screaming. I don’t want you to ever carry a child that is not mine.”

You are surprised by the warmth in your core when he says his last sentence. There is something so primal there that you have to really focus on what he is saying next.

Astarion clears his throat before finishing speaking, “I don’t want to be without you anymore- four months is too long. I don’t want to miss out on anymore of your pregnancy and I want to be here for you- with you- doing this together like we should have been doing this whole time. I was a horrible fool- please give me another chance. Please, Darling. I love you- so so much more than I ever thought anyone could ever love someone.”

Astarion’s words hang in the air and you are trying not to begin crying for the 15th billion time. This is what you had wanted to hear all along. You can feel his tears on the collar of your shirt- the way he inhales as if to memorize your scent like this is the last time. Astarion is not expecting you to say yes- you know that because he’s starting to loosen up, pulling away from you so that he can respect your decision.

“I love you too,” you whisper, “I don’t want to be without you anymore either. I forgive you- please stay.”

“I won’t be going anywhere unless you want me too, my Love.”

[winterchimez]

A New Beginning With You | Lee Juyeon

SUMMARY: it has been a couple of years since you and your childhood best friend, Juyeon, went on your separate ways. Years later, you were given the opportunity to return to Seoul to pursue a new career, only to find out that your new employer is the one you have been dreading to see. Will you toss away all of the emotions again, or will you finally come to terms and fix this broken relationship with him?

PAIRING: ceo!Juyeon x f!reader

GENRE: office au, ex-childhood friends to lovers, coming of age, angst, fluff

WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, this is pretty angsty ngl 😭, betrayal, several heart wrenching moments (it takes a while for both Juyeon and reader to figure out their emotions), language (one curse word), miscommunication, alcohol consumption, reader gets drunk a couple of times, several heated arguments, petnames (princess, sweetheart), kissing

WORD COUNT: 15,466

A/N: here is my submission for deoboyznet's holiday exchange event!! boo @cloverdaisies i'm your secret santa 🎅👀 ngl i did struggle with the prompts that you gave mainly cs i don't usually read/watch coming of age works so i hope i did this fic justice 🥹🥹🥹 big big shoutout to @momhwa-agenda for choosing the banner, also helping me to beta read (along with @from-izzy @juyeonszn) sending my unending kisses and hugs to all of you 😘💕

Seven years ago 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” 

It all just felt so sudden, and you weren’t sure if you were hallucinating as you heard those words that came out from the mouth of your best friend for the past seventeen years. You both have made a promise to one another since you both were in kindergarten that no matter how big or small the situation may be, you both will always have each other’s backs and that no secrets were to be kept from one another, even if they may feel like you have been punched right into the face during the aftermath of it all. 

Or that was what you thought. 

“Y/N…I had no control over anything…you do know how my father often has to travel across the globe for his job—”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that you decided to keep it a secret from me when you first discovered that you were potentially going to follow your father’s footsteps for his company.” 

From the beginning, you knew that Juyeon’s father worked at a relatively elite corporate company. Because of his status, he was often sent away to various countries to fulfill his job. It has been decades since his father has been in and out of Seoul, and he would often travel on his own not wanting to bother his family and wanting them to have a peaceful life here. 

Never in a million years would you have thought that he would bring his entire family along with him as he starts a new chapter in his life in the States, and also get Juyeon to follow in his father’s footsteps. 

You were on the verge of crying, your cheeks were heating up, and you had unintentionally balled up your fists, clearly failing terribly to suppress the anger and betrayal you felt. 

“I just don’t get it, Juyeon. You have always wanted to pursue basketball. Hell, you have even sought a sports scholarship to get into one of the prestigious universities in Seoul! Why are you giving up now?” You huffed. 

You could tell that he was showing some reluctance in his answer, and truthfully, he didn’t really know how to give you an answer, either. But he decided to reply in the most plausible and fitting one that was right for the current situation you both were in. 

“Family has to always come first, Y/N. If it were for my family's future, especially my stay-at-home mother and younger brother, I would do anything to ensure my father and I can provide for them.” 

You scoffed. “Bullshit.” 

You took a few steps forward until you were merely inches apart. Looking straight into Juyeon’s eyes, you could tell he felt the same way and was also trying to hold back his tears. 

“You’re not the Juyeon I know. My Juyeon, who has been right by my side ever since we were kids, would always go above and beyond to work for what he truly wants. He is never afraid to voice his opinion, and he would do anything to ensure his happiness would be fulfilled no matter the consequences.” 

Finally, the tears that you have held back for so long began dripping down your face as you began to hit him simultaneously on his chest.  

“What exactly happened to you, Juyeon?”

At the same time, tears clouded his vision as a single teardrop dripped onto his face. You could tell that something was holding him back from telling you the truth, if any, and his following answer would break you down even more.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

With that, a black car pulls up at the school entrance, revealing his younger brother rolling down the window to call out for his big brother. You could see multiple pieces of luggage lined up at the back trunk of the car, and they were ready to head straight to the airport. 

With a glance back to signal to his family that he would be coming shortly, he turned to you to apologise once more before gently pushing you away to leave.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I wish you all the best in your future as you enter university and eventually the workforce.” 

Just like that, Juyeon quickly sped down the stairs and opened the door to the car before settling in. Within seconds, his parents, sitting in the front seats, gave you a little wave before they drove away right through the exit. 

Almost instantly, all of the built-up tension was suddenly released from you all at once, and you finally broke down crying at the entrance of your high school. What you thought would be a memorable, happy graduation for you both as you parted ways with your youth years turned out to be one sad separation from your best friend. 

You both planned your summer holidays with one another before officially enrolling in university in the autumn. You were going to head to Busan for a five-day trip during the first month, going to visit your aunt who lived on the outskirts of Seoul to help her in her fieldwork (especially when she has a soft spot for Juyeon), and even going to visit all of the bazaars that were going to be held in central Seoul. 

There were so many potential activities and times you could have had with one another, and you were even planning to propose to Juyeon that you wanted to be more than just childhood friends. 

Because you have been having an insane crush on him since you were kids, and you realised it was love by the time you both entered high school.

Unfortunately, it was too late to confess your love to him, as he was now long gone, heading straight to the airport before he eventually said his final goodbye to his home for the past seventeen years, Seoul. 

Maybe it was fate that you both were just not meant to be with one another; perhaps it was why his father had no choice but to bring his whole family with him to start a new life in the States. 

For the first time, you cursed and blamed yourself for having such hope and planning a potential future with someone who was clearly out of your league, and you thought it had all been a waste of time since the beginning. 

With that, the little needle-felted cat you have been hiding and made last night was released from your grips as he fell towards the stairs and eventually towards the ground. As you noticed, more tears kept welling up in your eyes, and you brought both hands to cover your face, not wanting to care about anything right now. 

I shouldn’t have had so much hope. I was stupid enough actually to fall in love with you, Juyeon.

Present Day 

“Oh, Y/N! Looks like your article just got published in the London Mail this morning!” 

Your co-worker gave you a little pat on the back before he placed the newspapers right onto your desk, and it was clear how your article was published right on the front page with your name written very obviously at the right corner. 

“Please, it was nothing. It’s what I do all the time,” you replied bluntly. 

“What do you mean it was nothing? You just interviewed the rising actor of the month! That’s big news, and you deserve to celebrate it!" 

“Please, it really is nothing—” 

“Hey everyone, our department needs a little night out after work at the local pub! We’re toasting to Y/N’s big break in the news today!” 

Your co-worker shouted out loud, and eventually, cheers erupted in the office, everyone congratulating you and thinking about the potential drinks and songs they would go for once work is over. 

You smiled and chuckled at the sight. You have always loved your job and are grateful to have met such a fantastic group of people in this company. 

It wasn’t your dream to pursue the path of becoming a reporter in the beginning. Sure, you have always had a passion for writing, but you have always considered it your hobby. Thanks to your sister, who was studying abroad in Manchester then, who convinced you to take that leap of faith and turn that hobby into a potential job. 

So here you were, living the best of your life. You followed your sister’s footsteps and went on to live abroad in the UK, enrolling in the University of Manchester, where you successfully graduated with honours the past year. Thankfully, you secured a place in the London Mail right after graduation due to your outstanding grades. 

The move from Manchester to London was a bit tough, but you initially managed to pull through with your sister and her boyfriend's help. They were kind enough to help you settle down and stayed with you for the first couple weeks before returning to Manchester. You miss your sister’s presence, but you know that eventually, you had to venture out on your own and face reality as an adult. 

It has been a year, and you have adapted to living alone. Often, things would get tough, but it was also thanks to you having such a fantastic team of colleagues that you were able to pull through it all, even when there were times you had to work overtime to fulfill all of the datelines that were pilling up nonstop, especially during the holiday seasons. 

It wasn’t until recently that your article was accepted and published on the main cover page of the news, and that was when you finally earned your big break after a year. The company has deemed you to be one of the most talented youngsters they have had over the past decade, and they were more than happy to have had you as their employee. 

Since then, things have settled down for you as you got a pay rise and had fewer hours to give you more time to rest well, mainly when you only survived with four to five hours of sleep daily. Now, you can eat your breakfast correctly and get a good seven to eight hours of sleep before coming every day. 

Just as your co-workers were having the time of their lives trying to figure out the plans for tonight after work, your office desk telephone rang, and you picked it up hastily, thinking that you’d have another big scoop to write about

But it was from the CEO. 

“Miss Y/N, please report to my office immediately.”

You were back home after that fun night out at your local pub with your co-workers, holding a beer in hand as you FaceTime your sister over the phone. 

“Well, it’s a good opportunity for you, don’t you think, Y/N?” 

“I’m not too sure about all of this, sis. Like yeah, it would be great that I would be back home, but still—”

“Hey, I know mom would be ecstatic to have you back in Seoul with her. And it just so happened that you have been telling me how you recently began feeling a little homesick. I’d say it would be great for you to take up the offer.” She reassured. 

It was the moment your mouth fell open wide when you heard that you had been offered to be a senior reporter for one of Seoul’s top magazines at the moment, GQ Korea, where you would be interviewing potentially all of the current well-known celebrities in the country and getting a higher pay as well. 

It seems that they have come across your contributions from the London Mail, and they were keen to have you on their team. Your first thought was grateful as your works were recognised globally, but also because you miss being home. But another part of you has already settled in the UK, so you weren’t sure if leaving now would be the right choice. 

But now that your sister has given you some input, that was when you knew that it wouldn’t hurt to try it out, at the very least. 

With one final sip of your beer, you leaned forward and gave your sister a smile for the first time since calling her this evening. 

“I’m going home now, sis.”

It has been a week since you settled into Seoul, and you have loved being back in your comfort zone: the culture, the food, and the environment you grew up in. 

Your mom was overjoyed as she picked you up from the airport, insisting she would take your luggage, especially when you have flown almost twenty-four hours just to get home. By the time you got home, your mom was already ready and prepared with all the dishes she had premade before your arrival and needed to heat them quickly. 

You quickly took a shower before joining her at the dining table. You both chatted for close to midnight before she told you she would sleep ahead of you. Meanwhile, you decided to clean up your childhood bedroom to make space for everything you brought back from London. 

There was this nostalgia as you entered your room; everything was still the same, exactly how you had left it when you left for the UK years ago. The same old blue painting on the wall, all your posters hung on them, even your favourite comic books that were still arranged nicely on your bookshelf. 

You could tell there wasn’t a speck of dust in the room, indicating that your mom must have cleaned it occasionally. You couldn’t help but sigh, thinking about all the hard work she always puts herself through. 

It took you a while to go through all your belongings, mainly because you were reminiscing as you looked at the pictures, books, and figurines scattered throughout your room.

It wasn’t until you came across a box tucked away at the corners of your room that you pulled them out towards the centre as you opened them up. 

And god, you wished you hadn’t done that. 

All the pictures and items contained memories you had with your past lover, Lee Juyeon. 

You paused momentarily before reaching out to pick up the first item on top of the box: a picture. 

It was taken when you both were in kindergarten. You were holding hands, wearing backpacks and little yellow helmets on your heads. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight; it was nostalgic and cute. 

Right after that, you took out a pair of bracelets right below the picture. It was a friendship bracelet that you both made during middle school. It was summer when you recently discovered the trend of making friendship bracelets, where you went straight to Juyeon’s house across the street, practically dragged him back to your house, and got him to make one with you. You giggled at the thought of how Juyeon was so lost at the time, having to come to you almost every five seconds to tell you that he had either lost a piece or was having trouble threading the beads through the string. 

When you thought it would all be good memories, you stumbled upon the one item you wished you would not have to see again.

The needle-felted cat you made for him on the night before graduation. 

Unbeknownst to you, your hands began to tremble as you took the cat into your hands, staring at it as the memories flashed back: how you would give this to Juyeon and tell him that you were ready to be more than just close friends, up to the point of how he suddenly announced to you that he was leaving for good. 

Slowly, you felt that your tears were beginning to well up in your eyes, and you quickly dumped all of the items back into the box and tucked them back in the corner, using a few items you had in your room, such as cardboard to block it completely out of sight. 

You were not ready to go through all of the roller coasters of emotion once again. 

Especially when deep down in your heart, you still had some feelings left for him. Even if you did not wish to admit it out loud.

You stood outside the tall building as you tried your best to fix up the blazer that your mum insisted you put on for your big day. With your handbag and laptop, you gave yourself a deep breath before mentally preparing yourself that this would be your new workplace from now on. 

You looked to see the vast sign plastered outside the building: GQ Korea. You were definitely at the right place. It took you a few seconds to finally be able to take your very first steps into the building. Once you did, you were amazed at the astonishing art that filled the reception floor. It was a fashion and art magazine; after all, there was no doubt that the company's directors entailed such a choice of decorations to captivate everyone who walked into their building. 

You walked straight towards the counter, where you were greeted by two ladies who were already expecting your arrival. Immediately, they got you signed up in the system, and one guided you to one of the fifth floors, where you would be meeting your new team and department that you would be working with. 

As you were guided into the head of the department’s office, Ms Kim, who has been guiding and overlooking this particular department for the past five years, greeted you and made you feel comfortable instantly, which made all of your tensed-up muscles relax fairly quickly. She communicated well with you and, surprisingly, even shared some of the same ideals as you did. You were beyond grateful to hear when she mentioned that she has kept up with your works from the London Mail, and it was about time that the team needed someone like you. 

Once both of you had taken the time to break the ice, Ms Kim led you to your desk just outside her office, where countless cubicles filled the entire floor. At first glance, you have estimated that there were about fifty employees who worked in this department. It didn’t take them long to greet you personally before you eventually made your way to your desk in the middle of the floor. 

As you unloaded your bag of materials onto the desk and placed them in an organised manner, your hands digging through your bag finally stopped when you felt a familiar material. Instantly, you pulled it out to check what it was, and you were once again left speechless with what it was. 

A picture of you and Juyeon back during your graduation from high school.

The only plausible reason it was in your workbag was because of your mother. You have never once told her that things ended badly between you both, and you have always shrugged off the fact that you were still keeping in touch with the man himself and that you both were still having a healthy friendship. You just didn’t want her to worry much, especially when she knew how much you both have been through, and she practically treated Juyeon like her own son. 

As all loving mothers would do, she woke up hours ahead of you this morning to prepare you a filling bento box. She wrapped it with traditional cloth and placed it neatly into your work bag. At the same time, she probably put the little picture frame into the bag, hoping it would motivate you during work and decorate your new workplace. 

With just a few seconds of staring at it, you looked down to see an empty trash bin that sat right beneath your work desk, and without thinking much, you immediately placed the picture right into it. 

I’m sorry, mom. But I will not be needing it anymore.

Your first week of work flew by quickly as you easily got used to the working lifestyle. Seoul was your home, and it wasn’t hard to adapt back to the culture. In fact, you were grateful that your new group of co-workers could be on par with the ones back in London; they were all as great and supportive in helping you ease into the new environment. Your new co-workers even encouraged you to head out for a little drink at the local izakaya restaurant after work since it has been a long weekend for everyone, and you surely did enjoy the little company you had before heading home a little after midnight. 

In terms of fitting in as GQ Korea's new reporter, it has been a thrilling ride learning about all of the entertainment biz that has been going on in the country. Since your forte was with celebrities, your head of department had assigned you the same, focusing on the rising K-Pop stars in the industry. 

It has been a while since you kept up with Korean celebrities since you mainly focused on Western artists abroad for a couple of years. But as you kept up with the news and made sure to read the newspaper first thing every morning you came right in, you made sure that you have been kept up to date with all of the latest announcements and events that have been going on in the industry. 

Today was a big day for you as Ms Kim had instructed you to head up to the top floor, where you would first meet up with the CEO for the very first time since joining the company as he would like to brief you through the details in regards to the celebrities that will be coming later in the day.

You thought it was probably some hotshot celeb for the CEO to personally guide you through each step regarding what or how you should deal with them. However, you weren’t too mad since you figured they probably did things differently here in Seoul.

As you finally reached the top floor, you were then escorted by whom you assumed to be the CEO’s personal assistant, who was already expecting your arrival as they kindly let your head department know that she was free to leave. The walk down the hallway towards the CEO’s office seemed a little daunting to you for some reason; perhaps it was also because you were meeting someone who is considered to be one of the famous people in the heart of Seoul—there’s a reason why GQ Korea is always on the top-selling markets. 

As the assistant kindly knocked on the door and got a verbal cue from the other side, she took a step behind to let you move forward as you slowly turned the doorknob to enter the room. 

Immediately, you notice how the entire office is decorated extravagantly, filled with tons of high-end decorations that suit the taste of the CEO himself. The wide, clear windows dominated most of the room, offering a panoramic cityscape view. A curated selection of artwork filled the walls, which added a little personal touch to the working space. 

You didn’t realise that your mouth was wide open as you slowly took in the mesmerising view until you turned towards the desk, where the CEO was sitting on his chair with his back facing you, flipping through multiple documents in his hands. 

As you slowly made your way towards him, your little footsteps made the CEO’s ears perk up, causing the man to stand up and finally turn to face you in person for the first time. 

With that, your entire world seemed to pause for a moment. 

What exactly was going on? There was no way this young man could be the CEO, especially when you were certain that he had left Seoul years ago and sworn that his chances of returning to his homeland would be close to zero. Your laptop in hand was slowly beginning to slip off before you were brought back to reality and quickly caught it before it eventually hit the ground. 

That was when you finally muttered your first words since stepping into the CEO’s office. 

“J-Juyeon…?” 

It was pretty evident that the man himself was just as confused and shocked as you were; he practically stood there motionless, trying his best to make sense of the current situation.

“Y-Y/N? What are you doing here?” 

“I should be the one asking you that,” you replied. 

You were about to go haywire just from this interaction alone. It was hard enough for you to move on from what happened seven years ago, and it proved to be a lot harder than you thought when you came back a few weeks ago to see that all of the things that you’ve tried so hard to forget were now back in the comforts of your bedroom. 

Ever since then, you had promised yourself that you wouldn’t want anything to do with Juyeon anymore, and you have decided to shut your heart regarding anything related to the man himself. 

If only it were easier said than done. 

Juyeon finally took his first step away from his desk as he slowly approached you, extending his hand as if he was craving your touch again. You could tell that he was desperate for a little physical contact, perhaps to prove that you really stood in front of him. 

But you couldn’t, and you weren’t ready for any of that, so you backed off instead, giving him a clear signal that you weren’t on the same page as he was. 

There was this evident sadness in his eyes, and he tried his best to hold back his tears as his eyes began to water. 

“Y/N…I—”

“Miss L/N. You can address me that, Mr. Lee,” you bluntly replied before diverting your attention to the ground. 

It was when Juyeon finally got himself together and straightened his posture before clearing his throat. “Very well, Miss L/N. I’ll quickly brief you on the events happening today, with the group of celebrities arriving in a couple of hours soon. Please, have a seat.”

“I hate him, I really do!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you took the pint of beer in your hands before slamming it down onto the table. Your sister had to restrain you from causing a scene at the bar, trying to settle you down and handing you a glass of water to chug down your system. 

Your sister had just recently came back to Seoul for a little vacation, and you immediately asked that she could keep you accompany down at the local izakaya restaurant that you often visited to let off some steam. 

“Karma is really on your side huh, Y/N,” your sister teased. 

“I-It’s not funny, sissy….” your voice began to slur, indicating that you were starting to get drunk at this point. “Why…of all people, why?! Why did it have to be him? As my boss! In my new workplace!” 

“Look, it can’t be that bad. Who knows, maybe you might get another chance again with him.” 

“That’s not the point, sissy….after what he has done to me? After all that I have done to try my best to move on from the past? This should not be happening to me at all!” Your voice broke as you began tearing up, causing your sister to pull you close into her embrace, slowly caressing your back to help soothe you a little. 

Your sister was well aware of your history with Juyeon, especially when you’ve spent weeks, which eventually that turned into months of crying out to her over the phone since she was already studying abroad then, she knew how much the whole situation wrecked you badly, to the point that it has taken you months to start going out and meeting people outside of university eventually. 

She was there when you were both younger, seeing how you developed a crush on him later and knowing you weren’t just childhood friends and had something way more than that. It was a shame that Juyeon left without telling you, and she would’ve gone to the airport to confront him about it if only she had been back in Seoul then. But deep down, she knew Juyeon as much as you did and knew that suddenly, something probably came up for him to leave the country like that. 

As a matter of fact, your sister had always wished and rooted for you both to become a couple eventually; she had always been a firm believer of childhood friends to lovers anyway, especially when that was how she ended up with her current fiancé. Now that you both have reunited in the most unexpected way, she believes her theory about you both eventually having a second chance was stronger than ever before. 

With that, she lifted her eyebrows as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. “Say, little sis. What exactly are you up to at work tomorrow?” 

You sniffled. “Umm…I guess I have a meeting with Juyeon to discuss the upcoming fashion show that is due to be set in a couple of months. Why do you ask?” 

Your sister gave you a little smirk in return before cradling you like a baby again. “Oh, it was nothing. I’m sure you’ll have a fruitful discussion tomorrow.”

You dreaded coming to work today. The very first reason is that you woke up with a really bad hangover from last night, and you practically don’t remember much that has happened besides chugging down pints of beer from your system. It has been a while since you’ve drank this much, and most importantly, because you were upset over something. Otherwise, you were pretty much sober most of the time and always being the one to drag your co-workers home because they were far worse than you were. 

And, of course, it was also because you hated the idea that you must come face-to-face with your so-called ex-childhood best friend again—this time, in an actual meeting. Well, in some ways, you were glad that it was only a meeting for a potentially massive event that the company had been known to host for years and that Juyeon would probably be able to distinguish between personal and work-life issues. 

But still, you just weren’t ready to face him again, especially with the huge shock you’d received the day before. It was already hard enough for you to stay focused when Juyeon briefed you through your job scope and the meeting you would have for the day, trying your best not to let the tears drip down nor let the anger boil up. 

However, you had no choice since you must also stay professional at your work. You just got back to Korea, and there was no way you would chicken out and move everything back to the UK again. Well, potentially, you could, but it wouldn’t be an ethical move to make. 

So here you are, hugging your documents and laptop towards your chest, standing outside the meeting room. You had to take a few deep breaths before you could muster up the courage to turn the doorknob and enter the room. 

Once you did, you noticed how the entire room was filled up, with most of your co-workers in their designated seats, sorting through the documents they would use for the meeting. You immediately diverted your attention towards the front where Juyeon was seated, and you hated how you had actually spent a good minute admiring his features. 

He wore a simple beige coat over a white tee, paired with a pair of black slim pants with leather shoes. His black hair was styled all the way back, leaving a little strand of hair down on his forehead. He was busy flipping through his documents while setting up his laptop to project the PowerPoint slides for everyone to see. 

You just hated how extremely good-looking he was right now and that there was a high chance that you wouldn’t concentrate on your work throughout the next hour. 

And how you would actually want to run into his embrace and give him a little peck on the lips—

Wait, what? 

As Juyeon finally lifted his head from the monitor and looked at everyone else in the room, it was a sign that the meeting was about to commence, and you quickly took the still available seat, the front seat. 

Throughout the presentation, you tried your best to take in everything that Juyeon- well, your CEO, was trying to convey to his employees. It turns out that this upcoming fashion show would be one of the most crucial ones the company has ever done for years, especially now that all the big brands are willing to collaborate with GQ Korea and put out the best fashion show in the country. 

It was quite a breathtaking look to see how Juyeon was passionate about his job, talking and explaining each detail to his employees carefully while making it enjoyable for everyone to learn or be part of. With that, you have noticed how every single employee in the room was constantly taking down details as quickly as lightning, making sure not to miss out on any small detail. There were moments when some would raise their hands to ask further questions, and Juyeon was more than happy to answer them, making the whole meeting seem less stressful but instead quite engaging in return. 

There were times when you found yourself staring at him more than you should’ve, and every time he diverted his attention towards you, you would quickly duck your head down to look back at your laptop as if you were busy typing away on your notes. 

Time seemed to have passed quickly as Juyeon finally wrapped up the meeting and let everyone off. In fact, the meeting ended right at the dot, and it was just past noon, meaning it was lunchtime for all employees. Everyone was quick to dash through the door, their stomach grumbling after using up all of the energy for the meeting. For you, you decided to pack up your belongings at your own pace, knowing that you would be spending your lunch back at your cubicle with the little bento box your mother had packed for you this morning. 

As you are about to head straight for the door, the familiar voice stops you in your tracks, making you turn your head back to face the man himself. 

“Miss L/N, I would like to have a word with you.” 

Oh, god. It’s here. 

Mentally, you were cursing out all the vulgar words you knew at the back of your mind as you slowly approached your CEO, trying your best not to let out the croak in your voice. 

“Y-Yes, may I help you, Mr Lee?” 

“There is a place that I have to pay a short visit, and I would like you to keep me company.”

Whenever an employer or the CEO would address their employees to keep them company as they pay a visit to a certain location, it usually meant that it was to meet up with a client or to survey certain products or places that could significantly be crucial for the company’s success. 

But here you were, sitting in one of the fancy cafes that wasn’t far from the office, having lunch with your CEO, who was sitting in front of you. 

Juyeon said nothing along the way as he brought you to the cafe, insisting that you sit down and order from the menu with no questions asked. As awkward as it was, you were about to deny his request before he looked straight down towards the menu, not even glancing at you. 

You figured this was probably part of the job, and there was no way you would deny your CEO’s request right here and then, especially when it was working hours and everything was strictly business. 

Once both of you have made your orders to the waitress that just passed by a minute ago, you diverted your attention towards the tablecloth, not wanting to look straight at Juyeon. However, his deep voice caught your attention, and you lifted your head back up after hearing the words you had wanted to say for the past seven years. 

“I think it’s about time I told you the truth, Y/N.” 

Oh, he called you by your name. 

As you focus your attention right on him, you can see the sadness in his eyes once more, just like how it was back when you first encountered him in his office the day before. 

“Umm…with due respect Mr Lee—”

“Juyeon is fine. We’re outside of work, Y/N. I would appreciate it if you could talk to me like we used to, and I will do the same,” he responded, slowly resting his arms on the tablecloth as if he were leaning slightly closer to you. 

With that you took a significantly big gulp, knowing that the day you longed for was finally here. You were about to get the answers you desperately needed to know, but at the same time, you weren’t so sure if you wanted to know the truth right now, especially with all of the things that you have gone through trying your best to take him out of your life completely. 

“Will you please give me a chance to listen to what I have to say?” He pleaded, looking at you with a desperate look in his eyes. 

Your gut and mind were trying to tell you that you have done your best to completely eliminate him in your life for the past seven years. Would you give up easily and open your enclosed heart just like that? After all of the hard work that you have done? 

Say no, Y/N. You have gotten over the guy. It’s all over between you two—

“Yeah. Go on.” 

Goddammit, Y/N. 

Immediately, his eyes lit up upon your words, and his shoulders slumped down a little, indicating that he has relaxed a bit. 

“Oh, thank god, Y/N. I guess you were still the same old Y/N that I remembered—”

“You said we’re not employers and employees now, so I’d say cut to the chase with what you have to say while you can, Juyeon,” you bluntly replied as you crossed your arms around you. 

In return, Juyeon gave you a little weak smile and a sigh before he eventually diverted his full attention to you. 

“Remember when we got separated back in high school? During our graduation day, you—”

“You left me behind, Juyeon.” 

“I didn’t have a choice back then, Y/N. But now I’m here to tell you everything. You have no idea how our stomach dropped when my father came home and told us that his company was about to go bankrupt, and we were on the verge of losing everything.” 

So that was what happened.

“And how it was also the day my mother found out that she had cancer and her chances of recovery were lower than expected.” 

“J-Juyeon…w-why didn’t you tell me all of this?” 

“I wanted to. I really wanted to so badly, Y/N. Because you’re my best friend, and you deserve to know everything. But I just didn’t know how to, and I was afraid of what might happen, and I don’t want to put the pressure on you.” 

“W-Where are they now, then?” 

Juyeon had to take in a big breath before choosing his following words wisely, knowing it must’ve been hard to even talk about it publicly. “Mom became bedridden, and she’s still receiving treatment in one of the hospitals back in the States. Dad is currently running a small little shop near the hospital along with my little brother.” 

“Then, why did you come back here?” 

“I came back because starting a proper company there was tough. I figured there might be a slight chance things could work out here in Seoul. With the remaining funds we had, I eventually begged my dad to give his final trust in me as I found a way to make things work out. Luckily, we had some acquaintances back here, and they helped me get into one of the prestigious universities and eventually landed me a job here at GQ Korea. I started as a normal employee before I eventually became their CEO a year prior.” 

It was then you noticed a single teardrop on the verge of dripping down his face from the corners of his eyes. Naturally and unbeknownst to you, your hand reached for the tissues placed neatly on the table, and you leaned in to wipe away that single teardrop. 

Only then did you both realise what you were doing, and that was when your eyes widened, and you were about to prop down back to your seat.

That was until Juyeon grabbed your wrist, not wanting to let you go. 

“This teardrop is nothing, Y/N. I’m so sorry you have to see this side of me. It’s not very cool, I guess,” he chuckled, trying his best to lighten up the mood a bit. 

As soon as he says those words, your other free hand eventually finds itself on Juyeon’s shoulders, causing the male’s eyes to widen this time before you finally speak out the words that you have always wanted to tell straight to his face all those years ago. 

“Juyeon, you need to start learning to put yourself before others. And I really mean it.” 

“Y/N, I—”

“No buts. Even after all these years, you’re still the same as before, always prioritising others before your own. As much as you are the most kind-hearted soul I’ve ever seen, you need to start loving and giving yourself some credit,” you replied, adding a little pressure onto your grip on his shoulders. 

With that, none of you said a word for a good couple of seconds, and you both just spent the entire time staring into each other's eyes as if you were conveying your messages non-verbally. That was until Juyeon finally decided to break the tension off by smiling at you, a genuine one you had consistently grown to love back then. 

“So, am I back in your good graces now, princess?” 

You were finally brought back to your senses, and you quickly removed both hands from him and sat down swiftly back on your chair, ducking your head down while giving a slight pout. 

Juyeon missed this sight of you and was absolutely admiring the whole situation that unfolded before him. Just then, both of your meals arrived, and the same waitress from before gently placed each of your respective ones in front of you. Juyeon then gently placed the cutlery in front of you. 

“Dig in,” he mentioned before whipping out the napkin and placing it right on his lap, before going in with his cutlery to cut through his steak. 

In return, you swiftly picked up yours and roughly cut through your freshly cooked breaded cod fish. 

“No one calls a normal friend princess, Lee freaking Juyeon,” you mumbled.

Just when you thought that would be the only time you would actually spend some time alone with Juyeon, it turns out the male had perceived that you both were back just the way you were when you were kids. 

Since that day, Juyeon would actually make his way out to invite you often to join lunch with him at the same cafe, usually ordering a different dish from the wide selection of food on the menu. What Juyeon loved the most about the place was the ambience and good coffee, and he would always be seen ordering a big jumbo-sized cup of iced latte to bring back to his office to help get through the rest of the day. 

You, on the other hand, were often stuck with more or less the same few dishes that you’ve tried, and you, too, would order your usual iced americano back to the office once you both were done with the meal. 

At first, you have always tried your best to avoid having contact with him; that first lunch date was just a typical day, as you would try to convince yourself. But whenever Juyeon gets a little break out from the office, he would either send you a personal email or sometimes ask his personal assistant to come down to your department to inform you to wait for the man down at the lobby at noon. 

You obviously could do your very best to come up with excuses to let him know that you’re busy with something or you already have plans to eat with your co-workers, but it seemed that the heart does what it wants, and it does not align with the signals that your brain is trying to tell you; which is to avoid and cut off this whole friendship for good. 

So you were back to being the giddy seventeen-year-old little girl who often felt excited whenever you spent time with your childhood friend. Hence, every time you were taking the very last escalator down to the lobby, you would often use that little time to admire the way Juyeon would always lean against one of the pillars while swiping through his phone with one hand and keeping the other one inside the pocket of his coat. 

But you did not want to admit it just yet, so you would constantly remind yourself that he’s only back for a while; it wouldn’t be so easy to open up your ice-cold heart again. 

That was until today. 

Just a few days prior, Juyeon had given you a ticket to visit this huge Christmas market in the town centre. At first, you stared at the paper blankly, thinking it was all a joke and he couldn’t have gone with you. But the male made it clear that he invited you to come along, which would be the two of you together. 

Your heart was bouncing so fast that you were afraid it would eventually pop out of your chest as you slowly approached where you both were supposed to meet. You figured it best that you arrived twenty minutes earlier to compose yourself and try to understand your situation. 

As you paced back and forth for god knows how long, you finally heard your name being called out from the far distance, and you perked your head up to see that Juyeon was waving his hands and running towards you like he used to back when he was a kid. 

Once he finally stopped right in front of you, he began panting heavily to the point you were genuinely worried if this man was actually alright. 

“Woah, what the hell happened to you? You seemed like you were escaping from a monster or something,” you joked. 

“N-No…I went to get this for you…” Juyeon then hands you a brown paper bag, and you accept it while being all confused. 

“Open it, Y/N. Have a look at what’s inside,” he insisted before resting both hands on his hips. 

While giving Juyeon a weird look, you finally peeped into the bag and extended your arm into the brown bag before you finally felt something soft against your palms and eventually pulled whatever it was out. 

Your eyes widened when you saw what it was. 

“J-Juyeon…this…”

“Remember way back in high school; we promised each other that we would want to visit the Christmas markets, and how badly did you want this soft alpaca plushie that was way too expensive for neither of us to get our hands on? Yeah, I actually got it before the store closed like minutes ago.” 

He remembered. 

You have always been vocal about wanting this plushie for years, and there was no way your parents were buying it for you, claiming that it was way too expensive (which it was since it was part of a collaboration with one of the high-end fashion companies) and that you wouldn’t have a proper use for it. Back then, Juyeon couldn’t do anything but reassure you that one day, your wish would definitely come true while always giving you pinky promises. 

And now, you were finally receiving your biggest Christmas wishlist item as an adult, and you couldn’t be much happier. 

You laughed. “Juyeon, you do realise that I’m not a child anymore, right?” 

“Who says plushies are only meant for young children? Why can’t adults have their collection? I’ll tell you I have a Build-A-Bear in my bedroom.” 

“You must be joking.” 

“Mark my words, Y/N.” 

Eventually, you both started laughing out loud before you hugged the plushie close to you, activating the heating function in the toy to keep yourself warm; that was the main purpose that made you want to purchase this product long ago. 

“Thank you, Juyeon.” 

“Well, instead of thanking me, why don’t you keep me company for the night as we explore this Christmas market together?” 

You smiled. “With pleasure.”

“Oh, Juyeon~ Have I ever told you how much I’ve admired your good looks? I’d like to think that your family genes are something else.”

After an hour or two of walking through the entire Christmas market and having too much fun going to each stall and trying out the different activities and food, you eventually stumbled upon one located towards the furthest end and sold various eggnog drinks. You have never tried this particular alcoholic beverage before; you were mostly used to the beers that you often get back in the pubs in London. However, Juyeon insisted that you give it a go especially for the Christmas season, and he eventually bought both of you a mug. 

The initial taste seemed a bit off to you, but once the alcohol started kicking in, you eventually began to chug the whole liquid down as if it were nobody’s business. After some time, one mug of eggnog began turning into two, and then three, and finally, you were pretty sure that you were on your fifth mug by now. 

That was when Juyeon realised that he should’ve stopped you by your second or third mug because now you were barely walking properly without his aid, and your speech began to slur as he linked your arms over his shoulders, trying his best to support you while walking you back home. 

You both had to take the subway trains to head back to your apartment and during the entire time, you were clingy with your childhood friend, often wrapping your arms around him and giving him a tight squeeze while mumbling incoherent words. You caught the attention of all passengers and passersby, but Juyeon could only smile at how you looked right now. 

He had never seen you drunk before, and this was a whole new experience for him. But he wasn’t too mad that you reminded him so much of your younger self; it was as if he was witnessing the seven-year-old you again in the present day. 

After walking from the subway and, eventually, towards your front door to your apartment, Juyeon was about to take you up towards the elevator until you stopped him in his tracks.

“No Juyeon~ why are you leaving me so early? We still have so much more to see in the market!” 

He smiled. “Y/N, I think it’s time for you to head home to get some rest.” 

“But I don’t wanna~” 

With that, Juyeon grabbed hold of both your shoulders as he bent down to be on the same eye level as you, trying his best to talk to you in your drunken stage. 

“Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow, hmm? We’ve had loads of fun today, and besides, your mom and sister would be worried sick about you at this late hour.” 

Immediately, you lifted your pinky at him, which caused the male to stare at you blankly. “Pinky promise that I get to see you tomorrow, Juyeon-ie?” 

Oh, how insanely adorable you were to Juyeon right now. 

He chuckled before linking his pinky with yours, shaking it left and right slightly as if to seal the agreement. “I promise, we’ll see each other in the office first thing tomorrow morning.”

With the final pinky shake, Juyeon guided you towards the elevator and pressed the button. As you both waited for the elevator to come down to the ground floor, you suddenly broke off the silence, and Juyeon had to blink twice to know he wasn’t hearing things wrong. 

“I’ve always liked you Juyeon…even after all these years…I never stopped loving you…” you sobbed. 

Your nose was now sniffling, and you closed your eyes to let the tears drip down, not caring what Juyeon would think about all this. You were done trying to hold it back for so long, and you needed to let the burden that you’ve held onto for years finally let loose, and well, you were drunk at this point, so you couldn’t really control the words that slipped out from your mouth. 

“Why did you leave me just like that…did you know how much pain it has caused…and how hard I’ve tried to forget every single thing about you? I even threw away all of the pictures and toys we’d had together because the flashbacks of memories would often play in my mind upon seeing them,” you were now crying, and you began to raise your voice a little. 

“Why, Juyeon, WHY!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, and immediately you burst out crying, plopping straight down onto the concrete floor. You hated how the alcohol wasn’t making you think straight and that you were feeling a roller coaster of emotions right now. 

Just let it out, Y/N. You’ve suffered long enough—

Immediately, a warm pair of arms wrapped around you, and a hand gently pushed your head down to let you rest on the crook of their neck. You finally glanced up to see that it was Juyeon, holding you tight and resting his chin on the top of your head. 

As much as you want to push yourself away from him, you can’t. You couldn’t explain why, and you have even made a pact to yourself that you wouldn’t want anything associated with him anymore. 

But why did the saying the heart wants what it wants have to be so accurate? 

You hated it, hated how you have always let your emotions take full control over your mind, not making you think straight, and often going against your plans. In fact, your heart ached so badly, and it was the same feeling that you felt seven years ago, right when Juyeon left you alone as he hopped onto his vehicle. 

The only thing you could do right now was to let the stream of tears pour down and cry out to your heart’s content. You felt weak, and you could do nothing to push him away. 

Juyeon couldn’t blame you, though, because how could he? Especially when he was the one who said nothing all those years ago. Now, he was seeing with his own eyes how much pain and trouble it has cost you, turning you into a vulnerable little petite girl who was crying her heart out in his arms. 

With that, he moved his lips down to plant a little kiss on your head and eventually closed his eyes as your cries filled up his eyedrums. 

“I’ll make it work, Y/N. I promise you that I’ll make things work this time.”

“Oh, good fucking hell.” 

You were sitting on your work desk, bringing your hands to cover up your face. It was an absolute nightmare to hear from your sister about what happened the night before—how you got drunk and caused a little scene in public, which made everyone turn their attention towards you, how Juyeon was the one who brought you all the way back home, how you had a breakdown in front of him to the point you eventually fell asleep after crying your eyes out to the point he had to physically gave you a piggyback up to your front door and assisted your sister to plop you down on your bed. 

If there was a nearby cliff near your workplace, you would do anything to ditch work and actually head straight up there to jump off from the embarrassment. 

You were already not having a good time reuniting with Juyeon, let alone trying to sort your emotions out while seeing him at work every day and that he was your boss. But to confess your deepest thoughts while being vulnerable and drunk in front of him? That was not written anywhere in your books. 

As you were spending your entire lunch break groaning over what happened last night, you immediately received a call from your desk telephone, and you quickly composed yourself before picking the phone up. 

“Y-Yes, hello? This is L/N from the editorial department; how may I assist you for the day?”

“Good afternoon, Miss L/N. Please report to the CEO’s office immediately whenever you can.” 

Oh, Jesus take the wheel. 

The entire walk up to the CEO’s office was nerve-wracking; it was as if you were being sent to detention at the principal’s office because you messed up really badly. So many thoughts ran through your mind, thinking about how to apologise to Juyeon for the scene you had caused the day prior.

Once you walked into his office, you tried your best to devise the best phrase to start the conversation, but it seemed that Juyeon beat you to it, immediately handing you a red ginseng hangover drink. 

You reluctantly accepted it while mumbling a soft ‘thank you’ before he insisted that you drink it immediately before him. Once you were done, he took the bottle away and tossed it straight into the bin, directly briefing you about the upcoming fashion show, now only a month away. 

Now that it was back to business and you were no longer childhood friends, you tried your best to keep your composure as you listened to all of the details he was going through one by one with you. 

Eventually, he decided to bring you along to meet up with one of the CEOs of the high-end brands on a trip to Seoul to discuss the plan in person further. Apparently, you have met with the CEO of Fendi, and it’s one of the brands that have been associated with GQ Korea for decades now. Somehow, Juyeon has gotten pretty close with the famous man himself over the years.

All of you met up in the famous Four Seasons Hotel for a pretty luxurious high-tea session while discussing the whole fashion show. It was mostly just Juyeon conversing with the CEO himself; you were mainly there to take down all the essential notes that both parties spoke.

Usually, it would have been his personal assistant job, but he insisted that you come along this time, saying it was part of your training. To be completely honest, you weren’t sure if Juyeon was the one mixing up between work and personal life issues at this point. All you wanted to do was to pray that this meeting gets over and done with quickly so that you could head back towards the comforts of your cubicle in the office and not face Juyeon for a while.

After an hour or so, it seemed as if the meeting was wrapped, and both parties finally parted ways for now, causing you to head straight back to Juyeon’s vehicle. Many people would think most CEOs would have their chauffeur, but Juyeon insisted that he always preferred to drive alone. 

He was still the chatterbox that you have always remembered back in the day, how we would often come up with any possible topic that would keep you entertained; you both could talk for days back then only if both of your families didn’t stop you from heading back home for meal time. 

There was only one problem this time: you were still troubled by what had happened the day before, and it was hard enough to even join Juyeon for this meeting with the CEO of Fendi in the first place. Now that both of you were alone in the car, things were far more awkward than they already were. Juyeon never touched on the topic from last night, but still, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him in the face. 

Just when you thought Juyeon was about to take the left turn to head back towards the office, he took the other lane instead and drove towards the opposite direction.

“Juyeon, the office is the other way—”

“Let’s go somewhere, Y/N. Treat this as a little gift of stepping out of office hours for a bit. You’ll still get paid, though; don’t worry. I’ll make sure to inform your head department about your absence.” 

What on earth is going through your mind, Juyeon?

It has been a few minutes since you have physically pressed yourself against the tank, slowly admiring various species swimming about minding their own business. 

Apparently, you both have arrived at the COEX Aquarium, known for homing a large variety of rare species of aquatic animals and typically the best place for school trips, holidays, and even as a date.

Wait, scratch that last one—

“Didn’t you always say how coming here has been on your bucket list for the longest time?” Juyeon questioned you as he slowly walked up towards where you were from behind, slipping both of his hands into his cloak as he, too, began admiring the beauty in front of him. 

That was when you finally diverted your attention to his face for the first time since hopping into his car this morning to head to the hotel. You were upset at yourself with how the feelings were the same as before: his pretty sculpted facial features, how good-looking he actually was, and how he could do the bare minimum, yet you would still swoon over the man himself. 

With all that has happened lately, something told you this was more than friend behaviour. Sure, Juyeon might be trying his best to patch up this whole relationship you once had, taking you to places and recreating new memories with one another, but you weren’t sure if Juyeon felt the same way as you did. 

That deep feeling within the pit of your stomach made you feel uncomfortable, and it was about time you finally confronted him about the one question that had pondered at the back of your mind for the longest time. 

If both of you wanted to continue whatever was happening between you, you needed to get the specific answer first. 

And it has to be now. 

“Juyeon, can I ask you something?” 

He hummed. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

With that, you turned your entire body facing him and took a deep breath to figure out the right words to convey your feelings for the man himself. “I meant what I said the night before.” 

That alone was enough to get his full attention, as he was now slowly turning himself fully towards you as if he was staring straight into your soul. You wanted to chicken out so badly and tell him it was nothing, and you both could just continue with the silence. But you have already come so far, and you know that this will only continue to haunt you for as long as you live if you aren’t going to address it now. 

So you mustered up every bit of courage left within you, and opened your mouth again. 

“I never stopped loving you, Juyeon. Even though we have lost contact for so many years, I never once stop thinking about you every single day. As much as I’ve tried so hard to forget about you, hell, I threw everything that reminded me of you into the dumpster or boxes and kept them deep somewhere where I wouldn’t even think about searching for it ever again, but to no avail.” 

Your body began to tremble as you tried to calm yourself down by playing with your fingers. “I couldn’t, Juyeon. Every time I thought I have succeeded in getting rid of you from my life for good, the thought of you just somehow finds its way to creep back up in my mind.” 

“I have no idea if karma sent me back here to Seoul, especially when my career was doing well in London. Imagine coming back and discovering that my new employer is someone I’ve tried so hard to forget about? The mixed emotions I felt then were insufferable.” 

As you began to speak more, tears started welling up in your eyes, causing your heartbeat to rise rapidly. But you decided to press on and choke back on your tears. 

“With all that you have done for me for the past weeks and months, I truly have no idea what on earth you are trying to prove to me, Lee Juyeon. Are you trying to fix our broken friendship? Or is it something more? What exactly are you even planning to do, Juyeon?” 

Finally, you took a few steps closer until you were inches away from him. 

“Be honest with me now, Juyeon. What exactly am I to you?” 

There was this tense moment between you two, and neither of you said a word to one another. You were looking straight at your childhood friend with red, puffy eyes, and his eyes were widened, looking at you and trying his best to take in everything you’d said. 

Something tells you that it was best not to hear about Juyeon’s opinions at all for the fear of rejection once more. If you had the power to dissect his mind to determine his thoughts and feelings about all of this, you would. Yet, you were still afraid of what might happen next. 

As you wait for his response, you slowly examine how his shoulders began to slump, and eventually he tries his best to talk some sense into you. 

“Y/N, I—”

“Ah! It’s Juyeon-ie!” 

The both of you immediately darted your head towards where the voice was coming from, and that was when you noticed a female running towards Juyeon while waving her hands, and a rather old man accompanied her. 

Who could it be? 

“Saeran? And Uncle Lee? What are you two doing here?” Juyeon questioned as the two individuals made their way towards you. It was also then they both noticed your presence and the soft-spoken young lady was the one who broke the ice. 

“You must be?” 

“O-Oh, I umm—”

“She’s Y/N; she used to be my neighbour back in the days when I was still living in Seoul.” 

Just a neighbour, huh? 

“Ah, Y/N!” The young female extended her hand for a little handshake, in which you awkwardly return the favour. “It’s a pleasure to meet you in person finally! Juyeon has spoken a lot about you.” 

Before you could even give a reply, it seemed that the older man whom you now know was his uncle, or rather, perceived that he was the one who managed to help Juyeon get a new start in life back here in Seoul, finally spoke and diverted Juyeon’s attention back to what they were here for in the first place. 

“We had made a little appointment this afternoon, don’t you remember, Juyeon?”

“Oh, yes! I’m so sorry. It must’ve completely slipped my mind since I have been pretty caught up with work lately,” Juyeon apologised while slightly bowing towards his uncle. 

“Not at all, Juyeon. I’m sure you must’ve been pretty busy with-” his uncle then diverts his attention towards you. “-a lot of things.” 

You definitely felt way too uncomfortable at the moment, and you needed to get out of the aquarium right this second if you did not wish to be suffocated by all of the tension in the air. 

Immediately, you gently removed your hands from the young female and quickly made a ninety-degree bow towards all of them.

“My humble apologies, it seems that I have disrupted an important meeting. I shall take my leave now.” 

As soon as you turned your heel towards the other direction, you suddenly felt a pair of hands grab your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. 

“Y/N! Wait, I’ll drive you back—”

“No, it’s fine,” you tried your best to smile at him. “I’ll just take the train located right outside the aquarium. Have a good day.” 

You instantly slip your hands off his grip and dash straight towards the front door, trying your best not to look back and ignore the tears dripping down your face as you walk down the steps towards the subway.

It was now week two of cutting off all contact with Juyeon. It hadn’t been easy for you both at work and personally. In fact, you haven’t been doing great at all. It was as if you had turned into a living zombie, often feeling rather emotionless and drowning yourself in paperwork and avoiding contact with another except for your head of department. 

Since Juyeon was still your employer and CEO, he has definitely tried all means of contacting you, asking to see if you were doing okay or trying to get you up to his office to talk about the fashion show, or rather, to talk things out. But every single time, you would find ways to decline his request as best as possible while respecting him as your boss first and foremost. 

After a week of declining his invitations, his messages and calls eventually stopped coming a week ago; it was as if he had completely vanished for a little while. From what you have heard, it seemed that he had some urgent matters that he had to deal with, causing him to leave the office into the hands of his assistant for now.

It was finally a little breather for you since you didn’t have to put on this facade for the time being, letting you let loose for a bit. Going through sleepless nights throughout the past couple of weeks definitely has taken a toll on your mental well-being. 

You told yourself you needed to hold it all in for another week. Once this whole fashion show is done, you will get your well-deserved vacation off work for one week. 

It’ll be alright. Things will definitely work out in one way or another, Y/N.

It was finally the day for the long-awaited fashion show hosted by GQ Korea and the collaboration among famous brands around the globe. A swarm of people marched into the rented convention hall, filling the entire space within minutes.

You and your co-workers were busy getting everything organised and ensuring everything was in place. Since you were in the editorial department, you have been going about talking to all of the big figureheads from each respective brand, mostly just breaking the ice as well as interviewing them so that you have your necessary notes to draft out the proposal for the upcoming magazine. 

Time passed quickly and it was time for the show to begin. As you sat down on one of the chairs, you made your way towards the far end corners of the hall, getting ready your notepad and trusty blue ballpoint pen. 

As the light began to dim, Juyeon eventually made his way up on stage with a microphone, giving the guests a warm welcome and a little opening speech before the models began their runway walk. Seeing the man himself again was a bittersweet moment for you. As much as you wanted nothing more associated with him, your eyes just couldn’t seem to turn away from him.

It did not help that he was dressed up in a black tuxedo, with his hair styled up with his usual one strand on his forehead. He looked strikingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to woo almost everyone in the audience tonight. The way he presented himself was truly magnificent, and you could see why he was able to rise to the ranks of being a CEO at such a young age. 

Tears began welling up in your eyes again, but you tried your very best to hold them back and mentally cursed at yourself, thinking that this was all professional work now and that there was no room for any personal matters for the night. 

Once he made his desired speech, he eventually came down from the stage and sat at one of the front row seats, and that was where you could clearly see that the very same girl from the aquarium sat right next to him, along with his uncle and personal assistant. It shouldn’t bother you since they are practically family to him. It was none of your business, so why couldn’t you take your eyes off them?

Or rather, with him and the young lady who was clearly having fun whispering into each other’s ears. 

It has nothing to do with me. 

You constantly reminded yourself that whenever you tried to spare a glance at them, all while you were taking down notes from the show. It was definitely a challenge trying to stay focused, and there were a couple of times when you needed to close your eyes for a bit and take a few deep breaths to proceed with your work. 

The show finished smoothly, and the audience responded with a standing ovation. You definitely felt a sense of accomplishment from that, too, given that all of your hard work over the past months had finally paid off. 

The event wouldn’t have been complete without an after-party, so here you were in the hall next door—with all of the guests, models, and even staff alike having loads of fun chatting about with a glass of champagne in hand. Eventually, the DJ that was hired began to blast out a wide selection of music, indicating that whoever felt comfortable hitting up the dance floor was able to do so. 

You smiled as you saw a couple of your close co-workers pull up some moves on the dance floor; it reminded you of loads of your time back in the UK—going to the local pubs and just having the time of your life drinking and partying with your friends. 

Just as you were lost in thought, you suddenly felt a little tap on your shoulder, and you turned around to see that Juyeon’s assistant insisted that someone wanted to see you in person. 

You didn’t think much of it since you already had a little bit of alcohol in your system, so when you finally realised who was the one who wanted to see you, panic began to rush through your veins, and you tried your best to make sense of the situation. 

“Mr Lee? Is something the matter?”

You did not need to see the older male again, especially when he gave you a not-so-good first impression back at the aquarium. However, you had no reason to devise an excuse to leave; he was much superior to you anyway. 

“Why, good evening, Miss L/N. I hope you are enjoying the party so far, and congratulations on the job well done. I must say Juyeon always excels in his work, no matter what obstacles he encounters along the way.” 

The only thing you could do was flash a little smile back at him, as much as it made you uncomfortable. In the back of your mind, you have dozens of questions running through your mind, thinking about in what manner his uncle has any business with you. 

Eventually, he began speaking as if he was chanting through a book, giving you a whole load of information that was a little bit too much to take in at the moment. 

“It seems that Seoul life has been too tedious for you, don’t you think? Have you ever wondered about transferring back to London? Perhaps it would be a much better place for you to reside in.” 

“Umm, with all due respect, sir, how did you know about my background—”

“Oh, I have always kept an eye on you; you were Juyeon’s childhood friend, after all.” 

Keyword. “Were” 

“With that being said, I have read a couple of your articles before from the London Mail, and I must say, they are actually quite extraordinary.” 

“W-Why, t-thank you, Mr Lee. I really do appreciate them—”

“Speaking of transferring, the CEO for Fendi has actually taken quite a liking to you and your work. Even throughout the whole fashion show back there, he has been talking on and on about you, saying how you would prove to be a fruitful addition to his company.”

Just like that, Mr Lee began to step forward to hand you a little sticky note, which clearly had a number written on it. 

“If you ever change your mind, give me a call. Besides, I’m sure you already know the answer deep within your heart. I will be waiting,” Mr Lee responded with a smug before entering back into the hall. 

You stared back down at the note and eventually began thinking about what his uncle said prior. Suddenly, you started feeling conflicted, thinking this was the right place to belong. But it could also be his way of trying to brainwash you; you’re pretty sure you felt like a menace in his eyes. 

You decided you needed some fresh air to clear your thoughts for a bit, so you headed out towards the balcony right up the stairs. You figured that an open-air rooftop seemed perfect for some alone time. 

If only you were the only one who was planning to use the same exact spot that is.

Right when you reached the door that was ajar on the rooftop, you immediately recognised the two people standing before you, the female leaning in to give your childhood friend a peck on the lips.

You stand there motionless, and immediately, your blood starts to boil, something you haven’t felt in a while. The glass of champagne then drops towards the ground, and the shattered noises make the two turn their attention towards you. 

It all felt like a sudden pause like time had stopped for a few moments. The both of you were staring deep into each other’s eyes, not knowing what to do or how to respond. But then, Juyeon eventually spoke to break the silence. 

Before you could ever hear what he had to say, you were already dashing down the stairs, not caring that you had missed a couple of steps and that there were a few instances where you felt like you were about to trip and fall straight down back where you came from. 

Not even wanting to let your co-workers know about anything, you quickly dashed through the front gates, running through the now gloomy skies that were bound to have a heavy downpour within a few minutes. 

You should’ve remembered that Juyeon was the basketball team leader back in high school for a reason; no matter how fast you ran through the streets, he eventually caught you and yanked you back towards him, causing you to press up against his chest. 

“Let me go! Let me go—”

“Y/N! Please! Let us just talk things out.” 

You used up all of your strength and pushed him away as hard as you could before you began raising your voice back at him. “Talk? Don’t be ridiculous. You have done more than enough, and I have seen enough.” 

“Y/N, no. You don’t understand—”

“What else do I have to understand!?!? You have done more than enough to shatter me over and over again, Juyeon! And to think I was dumb enough actually to think we could work things out again!” You screamed. 

“Y/N…please…just calm down and listen to what I have to say…” Juyeon was now practically begging you, begging you just to stop. 

“You clearly don’t understand the pain that I’ve gone through, Juyeon. You weren’t there to witness or experience it anyway! Why did we even become friends in the first place, huh!?!?” 

God, cat’s out of the bag. 

That last sentence was definitely not meant to be said at all; it was one of your deepest, darkest thoughts that you have sworn that nobody should ever find out about, especially when it is directed towards the person who stood before you.

“I hate you, Juyeon…I really do…for all of the pain that you have caused me…” you were now sobbing like a child, which pained Juyeon so much seeing how you were now. 

With that, a loud thunder resonated throughout the city, and a heavy downpour began pouring down from the skies. The both of you were now soaked, and you mustered up the courage to say your final words to him as the tears began mixing with the rain. 

“Please…I beg of you…just stop looking for me…or even talk to me at all…just leave me alone…that’s the last thing I will ask of you…” 

“I don’t want anything to do with you no more.” 

You slowly began backing away, and when you reached a good amount of distance, you turned your heel and began running away into the shadows, not sparing a final glance at your childhood friend who stood at the same spot under the pouring rain. 

This is my final goodbye, Juyeon.

If you thought the whole week of you being a walking zombie in the office was terrible enough, clearly, nobody was prepared for the current state that you were in. You locked yourself up in your room and refused to see anybody, even your mother and sister. 

You would constantly lay in bed, tossing and turning, even though it was hard to fall asleep. Since you avoided contact with your family members, there was nothing much they could do but place a tray filled with your meals and dishes in front of your door, waiting for you to eventually open up during times when you actually felt hungry and took them into your room to savour them all on your own. 

You didn’t need anyone or anything now; you craved alone time and peace. 

As you curl up in bed, sometimes even at the corners of your room, your eyes would often dart towards the sticky note handed to you by his uncle. So many times you have thought about it: what if life would’ve been better abroad and coming back to Seoul was truly a grave mistake that you have made? What if this whole decision was actually an awakening moment for you to realise that this is not where you should belong? 

Days went back and eventually, it became a week. There were only a few days left before you returned to the office for work. The longer you kept staring at the note, the more motivated you were to take the risk and start again. 

Every time you were reminded of what happened that very fateful night, you rationalised that maybe what Mr Lee said was true after all. Perhaps Seoul is really not your place to belong. 

As the clock ticked, your desire to leave everything behind felt stronger. 

You waited until the clock finally struck noon for you to finally stand up with your phone in hand, punching each number into the dial pad and bringing it to your ear. 

Once the ringing eventually got through and you were met with a voice on the other end of the line, you took a deep breath before muttering the words you have been reluctant about all this while. 

“I’ll take up the offer.”

“For the very last time sissy, I promise I will be fine,” you spoke through your headphones as you were on a video call with your sister, who was back home at your apartment. 

“You have never done something so impulsive before, and given that you made this whole decision during your darkest hours? I highly doubt that you’re okay, Miss Y/N.” 

“Well, I can assure you that the darkest hours are gone, and I’m now free and much happier. I can work with Fendi!” 

Your sister sighed through the phone. “Working with big brands is one thing; what about your physical and mental well-being?” 

“Rome doesn’t sound too bad to me, and besides, living in the UK for a couple of years has definitely given me the experience I’ve needed to survive back in the EU again.” 

“Fine. Just…be careful, okay? Give mom and I a call once you’ve touched down.” 

You gave a little flying kiss through the phone. “Don’t worry, I will.” 

After waving goodbye on both sides, you clicked the red end call button and leaned back onto the chair you had been sitting on for the past hour. It was definitely a shocker to you that Fendi was willing to accept you immediately without having to go through any sort of significant interviews and that they were kind enough to even provide accommodations for you. At the same time, you work for them under a contract of two years. Frankly, it was a good deal and a steal. 

You slowly stare into the digital clock on the big screen, which eventually becomes an announcement. 

“All passengers bound for Rome, Italy, please head to gate 4B and be ready for boarding!” 

Instantly, almost all of the people around you began standing and lining up as if they needed to be the first to get on board. You have always disliked and never understood why the rush and pushing against one another trying to fight for the first slot, so you often just sat back and relaxed until only a couple of folks left to board the plane. 

Time went by quickly, and thirty minutes have passed since then. Now, only a handful of passengers are left to board. That was when it was your cue to get up and sling your backpack onto your back. 

As you slowly walked towards the counter to let the flight attendants scan your passport and let you through the gates, you felt a sudden tap on your shoulders, causing you to turn behind to see who it was. 

You didn’t have much time to respond until you were pulled in for a tight embrace; that familiar cologne was enough to make the tears well up in your eyes again.

“J-Juyeon…” your voice muffled. 

“Stop. Let me just…let me do the talking this time. Please.” 

You would have definitely fought back and started pushing him away once more, but it seems that you were either too taken aback or lost all of the energy throughout the past week to do so. Instead, you just stood there motionless in his arms. 

“Y/N, I know it would be horrible for me to ask for forgiveness because I definitely do not deserve any of that after what I have put you through. Or even for another chance because you clearly gave me one, and it was my fault for not appreciating nor cherishing the moment when it happened,” he began stroking your head, his fingers running through your long, silky, soft hair. 

“But one thing is for sure: I will not let you go this time. This time, I am going to hold you so tight that there’s no room for you to escape; I’ll make sure that you will forever be safe and sound in my arms, and I will be the one who is going to bring you joy instead of pain and tears.” 

He then bends down to give you a little kiss on your forehead. “You mean a lot to me, Y/N. And I’d like to think you are more than just a friend; you’re my other half. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to move on, knowing that I will lose you again, and this time, forever, if I don’t stop you now.” 

“So please, Y/N. I’m begging you. Please don’t go.” 

With his final words, you eventually find your arms slowly snaking up his back and returning the hug to him. You weren’t too sure why you did that, especially after the tremendous pain you have gone through the past week in particular. At the end of the day, the phrase where the heart wants what it wants will forever remain faithful to you, whether you like it or not. 

You sobbed. “You’re not going to make me stay that easily.”

“Oh yeah? You think I’m not capable of doing that?”

“Prove it then.” 

Instantly, one of his hands travelled back up to your chin and lifted them, causing you to look directly towards his as he slowly bent down to interlock his lips with yours. The kiss was rather heated, as if the both of you had been waiting for this to come so badly. You couldn’t care less if you both were actually making out at the airport.

Juyeon cupped your face with both hands as he tilted his head for you to gain more entrance into his. His lips felt soft yet demanding as if you were devouring a forbidden fruit. In return, you run your fingers through his silky black hair. 

After a few minutes, you both broke apart for some fresh air, trying your best to catch your breath simultaneously. 

“Is that supposed to make me stay put in Seoul, Juyeon?” You teased. 

With that, he merely replied with a little smile followed by a smirk. “That, Miss Y/N, was actually a pact you made to me. Treat it as a contract, if you will, that you are bound to stay by my side no matter what.” 

“Ugh, that’s so foul of you!” 

“You should know that I have my ways; I’m not the CEO of GQ Korea for nothing.” 

The both of you eventually burst out into laughter while Juyeon finds both hands on your waist while you wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“Listen, Y/N. I want to apologise on behalf of my uncle and Saeran.” 

“Oh, yeah. No big deal. By the way, is Saeran—”

“It’s not what you think it is.” 

“It’s not?”

He smiled. “She’s my little cousin, and she often showers me with tons of hugs and kisses, even though I’ve told her to stop a million times.” 

“Well, you’re lucky to have a cousin who loves you that much,” you replied. 

“Yeah, but she’s going to have to learn that she can’t do that anymore because someone else is going to replace her job for that.” 

As much as you knew who he referred to, you still wanted to drag this further. “And who exactly is that?” 

“Hmm…maybe the contract before wasn’t clear enough. Should I make another one?”

You slapped his chest immediately. “Don’t you dare, we’re in public.” 

Again, another burst of laughter was genuinely beginning to make you feel a lot better, even to the point of slowly healing all the scars you have had before. 

With that, you needed to make yourself clear to the man himself. 

“Juyeon, can I just be honest with you?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

“I appreciate you doing all of this for me, but I just want to give you a heads-up that it’ll take a while for me to heal from everything completely and that I’m sorry if I don’t give you the exact treatment that you expect from me, and I—”

You were then silenced with another kiss on the lips; this time, Juyeon took the time to shower you with as many kisses as possible, making sure that each was worthwhile before breaking the kiss again. 

“Y/N, I don’t care about all of that. You can take as long as you need, but just know that I will be here for each step you take, and I’ll give you support whenever you need it. I promise. I will not leave you behind ever again.” 

As you both plastered a soft smile, you leaned in to rest your forehead against each other, taking in everything that had happened minutes prior.

“Here’s to a new beginning with you.”

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @daisyvisions (join my permanent taglist here!)

[cbrownjc]

So it really seems like Armand is Alice - or Daniel's lost memories of Armand have been conflated with his memories of Alice, or something. I'd be really interested to know your thoughts on how much Louis knows? We see malicious triumph from him but (I think) not really an awareness that this specific memory has heavy shades of Armand in it, more like he was happy to weaponise any terrible memory of Daniel's that came to hand.

But how could Louis not know? If Armand and Daniel were together in the past I bet Louis knew about it and probably still does?

(Also your Tumblr is amazing and fascinating and ILU)

Hello! I'm glad you like my Tumblr and thank you for the amazingly kind words! *hugs* 💕

So, Armand & Daniel and Louis. Now, my gut feeling at the moment is that Louis knows a lot about what happened between Armand and Daniel. But possibly not everything.

Or, more directly, I do think it's possible that Louis doesn't fully know how serious it really got between Armand and Daniel; that Armand and Daniel actually truly, deeply, and sincerely fell in love with each other. I may be wrong about that (as I've only had a chance to watch the episode once so far), but there are some little things that are making me think that for now.

The main reason is that we now have an answer for why Louis has called Daniel "our boy" before. (Which he hasn't done this season yet, but I'm sure it's coming.) IMO the reason was indirectly revealed in the scene when Real Rashid brought out the pictures . . . and what Louis and Armand both said about who some of the pictures were of: which is that they were pictures of young human men that were kept with Louis and Armand -- in their company -- for a period of time.

These two -- Louis and Armand -- would basically add a third into their relationship at one time or another. And that they did so a LOT more than once. And that it was something that was always initiated by Louis -- probably because it was something that was Louis' idea to do in the first place, back when they first did so with whomever the first young man they pulled in was.

We don't know how long these young men were kept with them, but I don't think it's wrong to guess that some were kept for rather long periods. It was Louis who would draw these young men into them . . . then some would be drained dry at some point if they weren't just let go.

And Daniel was basically set to be the next in the long line of young men that Louis and Armand would do this with. That is what was initially happening that night at Polynesian Mary's. With Louis, once again, being the one to draw the young man -- in this case, Daniel -- in.

But what made everything different this time -- and what made Daniel different from all the young men that had come before him wrt this -- was that first interview. And I think Assad hinted in an interview during the press tour as to why Armand steps in and saves Daniel's life when Louis attacks Daniel. And that reason is that during that interview, Daniel is able to understand and connect with Louis in a way that Armand hasn't been able to during all their years together. And so becomes fascinated by Daniel because of that.

And I don't think I'm guessing that Armand never became fascinated in such a way with any of the other young men that Louis lured into a triad with them. (Or, if Armand ever did, it was a very fleeting thing).

So, I think in this instance, the third that was lured in by Louis actually ended up fully capturing Armand's attention and, eventually, his heart. And while, as with all the other young men they had done this with before, Daniel was very much "our boy" for both him and Armand in Louis' eyes . . . there were deeper emotions that were growing between Armand and Daniel during that time that Louis just didn't really see -- or that maybe Armand kept Louis from seeing.

Because remember, Armand is much more skilled at the Mind Gift than Louis is. And Louis, very possibly, might have still been under the veil that -- in the books -- his mind gets clouded over by Armand after they first leave Paris.

So there are many reasons Louis may not have fully noticed everything that was happening between Armand and Daniel during however long Daniel was with them. (And, IMO, it is very much looking like it was at least 12 years, which was the length of the whole Devil's Minion saga -- before Daniel was finally turned -- in the book QotD).

Louis knows some things I feel sure of. Like, Louis knows Armand and Daniel had sex because . . . yeah. Armand and Louis weren't just pulling in young human men to be a third with them to play cards or something. 😏 But I'm not sure that Louis knows about the full emotional depth (and heartbreak) of everything that went down between Armand and Daniel.

So yeah, Louis knows about Armand & Daniel -- because he was the one to draw Daniel in to be a third with him and Armand in the first place. But I don't think Louis knows just how deeply and emotionally serious it really got between them. And maybe it's mostly because Armand just kept that part of it from Louis.

As to the Alice = Armand thing and if Louis knows that. . . again I'm not sure. It is one reason I kind of still sort of lean toward the idea that Alice is a real person, but many things about her have been merged with Armand in Daniel's mind. And Louis doesn't actually know which is which.

However . . . Louis could very well know how serious it got between Armand and Daniel, and that Alice isn't real and just really is Armand; and Louis just did what he did -- emotionally going in on Daniel like that -- because Louis really just wanted to hurt Daniel in that way because Daniel had hurt him in the same way just by asking about Lestat like that. Louis does have a very sadistic streak in him, I think that has been very well-established. And it would just be the simplest answer too for it all as well.

[maespri]

oh my i never really saw myself making a post like this, but i really wanna talk about morgana! more specifically… why i don’t really understand the hate he receives.

for starters, i know a lot of people dislike mona because he gets on ryuji’s case often. his squabbling with ryuji can get hurtful at times too, i know, but i feel like so many people conveniently leave out the fact that… ryuji returns fire? it’s not as though mona is constantly attacking poor ryuji who can’t defend himself; it’s a two-sided fight throughout most of the game. both of them are constantly fueling the fire. not to mention, it’s a fight that eventually ends. both individuals have great character development (i could talk about it for /ages/, but i digress) that ends with their fighting essentially ceasing entirely. they’re both dumb teenage boys, they both said dumb stuff to each other, and they both hurt each other, and all of that is recognized and left in the past.

the hatred toward mona in general is something i struggle to understand entirely. you hate this cat because he tells you to go to bed? the game would have told you to do that one way or another, because it’s a game. there have to be constraints, or you’d get terribly overpowered incredibly fast. i wholeheartedly agree that mona’s lacking in comparison to the other characters in many ways- but i’ve never hated him, and was surprised to see a lot of people did.

maybe i’m just weirdly empathetic toward fictional characters, but i really liked his storyline. mona’s been with the protagonist since day one, helping him out, staying with him, encouraging and supporting him in everything he does, navigating them through mementos and palaces and battles… and he’s never really appreciated for any of it. obviously, the other phantom thieves do the same and don’t require any extra praise, but morgana already has a complex stemming from the fact that he’s not human. inherently, he believes he’s not nearly as good as any of the others, and subsequently, that he isn’t good enough in general- and he’s so ashamed of that that he can’t even voice the concern to the protagonist pre-okumura’s palace. it made sense to me when he snapped and ran away; if you were constantly the black sheep of a group, unable to engage with anyone unless the guy you live with is always there as well, wouldn’t you yearn for autonomy too? (don’t even get me started on the haru parallels there; there’s a reason morgana snapped during the okumura arc.) if you felt expendable and there wasn’t ever an effort made to prove otherwise, purposeful or not, wouldn’t you also want to leave? to spare both yourself, and the people you’re leaving? i really liked his arc because it led to two realizations- that he was pivotal to the group, and it was fine if he ended up not being a human. (and honestly, he was pivotal to my group… who else would i use to heal everyone outside of battle…!)

anyway, his objectification of women was weird. didn’t like that. but this is a JRPG, and he’s not the only one who does strange things like that at times (why was ryuji looking at ann’s chest in the mona bus outside futaba’s palace man…). honestly, his flirting was also weird at times, but as long as it never got strangely sexual, i didn’t really mind? it’s not like it ever genuinely bothers ann either as far as i remember. it’s more just a stupid thing he does.

anyway… i dunno. i like the kitty. he’s silly, he kept me company, and he made my playthrough fun. life is so much more beautiful when you carry love in your heart rather than resentment

[babymetaldoll]

Are you mine? - Chapter four: "I've lost a friend"  

Summary: Spencer has to go back to work after Raven was born and (Y/N) has a bad feeling about it.  Word count: 7.883 Warnings: Criminal minds case info, shootings, swearing, and fluff, the usual.  A/N: Hey! Thank you for reading! I love this chapter 'cos I love writing about Spencer's life as a dad. Of course he has a million pictures of his babies on his desk, and he loves spoiling them. He is the best dad ever! how do you picture Spencer as a dad? 

Series' Masterlist - Author's masterlist

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Spencer’s point of view

I didn’t want to be back at work. I wanted to be home with my wife and kid. I missed them both terribly the whole time, and there were not enough pictures on my desk to help me cope with those feelings. I kept texting (Y/N) during the day, and it was relieving to know she and my mom were there to help her with Raven and keep her company. 

Did you know that during the seventh week of life, a baby can track a moving object with their eyes? I was missing Raven learning how to follow us walking around the room. And her hands were almost completely open, so she was ready to start grabbing hair, or even blankets. I was gonna miss that for catching psychopaths.  

- “Spence! I missed you! Welcome back!”- JJ said as he hugged me the second I walked out of the elevator. She caught me completely by surprise. 

- “Hey, JJ! Thanks! How are you?”- I tapped her back and looked around. Garcia was there, holding a bowl filled with homemade bird-shaped cookies and Derek waved. 

- “And how is my little goddaughter? And my beautiful munchkin?”- Pen asked as she hugged me next. 

- “They are fine. Raven is adorable and (Y/N) is doing an amazing job with her. She's a pro. I’ve timed her changing diapers ‘cos I need to beat her time.” 

- “I bet it is hard staying away from them.”- Derek said as we walked to the bullpen straight to our desks. 

- “This was the first time ever I didn't want to come to work.”- I confessed and took a framed picture of Raven from my satchel, and placed it on my desk.- “But (Y/N) made sure I had a reminder of what waits for me back home.”  

- “Dirty diapers?”- Morgan chuckled and I frowned, shaking my head- “I know, I’m just joking, kid. I missed you. I’m glad you are back, even if you’ll be stuck at the desk for another month.” 

- “You are?”- JJ asked, surprised. 

- “Yeah, I talked to Hotch. I won’t be traveling with you for the next couple of weeks. I don’t wanna leave (Y/N) alone with Raven for too long, they need me.” 

That plan worked for the first two weeks after I reincorporated for duty. Until it didn’t, obviously.

It was the perfect Saturday afternoon. (Y/N) and I were bathing a nine-week-old Raven. She was enjoying her time in the water. We had a tiny tub for her and while my wife held her head, I helped rub her little body with soap. 

- “Look at you, little Raven, you are so clean you are not gonna puke again tonight, right?”- (Y/N) joked looking at our baby. 

- “I don’t think she meant puking on you.”- I replied and chuckled. 

- “Twice today? That’s five this week for me and just twice for you.”- my wife raised an eyebrow as she looked at me for a second - “I think you and Raven have an alliance and are trying to make me lose our bet.” 

- “That’s absurd!”- I laughed and splashed a little water on (Y/N)'s face. - “Don't be a bad loser, chipmunk.” 

- “You two are cheating, Batsy! I know it!”- the phone ruined our moment that second. It was my cell phone, which meant that Saturday evening was ruined. We had a case. 

My wife stared at me and sighed as I quickly stood up and picked up. It was Hotch, and he wasn’t happy to bother us. 

- “I’m sorry, Reid. But you are gonna have to travel with us this time. I’ll give you the details in the BAU.” 

I sighed as I hung up the phone. (Y/N) walked to me holding Raven wrapped in a puffy purple towel. 

- “Case?” 

- “Yeah, and Hotch said I have to go with the team.”- my wife nodded and sighed. We both knew it was going to happen eventually. We just didn’t realize it was gonna happen so soon. 

- “Can you ask your mom to come and help?”- but she shook her head and kissed Raven’s head. 

- “We are gonna be ok, honey bunny. Am I right, Birdie?- and just on cue, our baby girl yawned. - “See? we’re gonna sleep all night long.”

- “I’m gonna call you as soon as I know where we are going, and I’ll text you as soon as we land. Ok?”- (Y/N) nodded and kissed my lips. 

- “Please, take care, Batsy.”

- “You know I will.”- and I meant every word. - “Let me help you put Birdie in her pajamas before I leave.” 

Blake picked me up and drove me to the BAU. I didn’t want to leave (Y/N) without the car, in case there was an emergency and she had to take our baby to the doctor. She was very upset that we were called in for a case. As we walked out of the elevator in the BAU, she was telling me her husband, James, was visiting and according to her words, he was left all alone cooking and watching “House Hunters” without her. 

- “I know how you feel.”- I said as we walked to the team that was gathered at our desks. - “We were giving Raven a bath with lavender oils to help her relax, and we were going to cook a nice dinner, maybe try to catch up with Doctor Who. Until I got that call.”

- “We get Henry to bed”- JJ looked at me, telling the story of her evening to Rossi, Morgan, and Penelope as well. - “And, you know, we're about to finally have some alone time with mommy and daddy, and… you guys know the rest.”

- “Ah, trying to dust off the old cobwebs?”- Derek teased and Garcia immediately hit his arm. 

- “Inappropriate!”

- “What?”- Morgan chuckled, and Garcia somehow overlooked the fact it was actually inappropriate and asked. 

- “Seriously, though, how long has it been?”- Morgan insisted.  

- “Too long.”- JJ’s face fell as she confessed, and Blake turned to Rossi asking. 

- “Do we know what the case is?”

- “Not yet. Hotch just said to drop everything and get back here.”- he replied, but that was all I heard about the case. Garcia kept talking with JJ about her needing time alone with Will, and I got a text from (Y/N). She sent a picture of Raven asleep in our bed, surrendered by pillows. I smiled as I looked at it, and wished I was back home with them. 

- “Miss you already.”- I texted back and sighed. 

- “You need some private adult time. I'll watch Henry. No bad guys, no kids, in that order. Go to Mexico. Or the Maldives, maybe.”- Garcia kept talking as I placed the phone back into my pocket. 

- “Cruz?”- JJ said 

- “Yes! Exactly. A cruise would be perfect.” 

- “No, no, no. Matt Cruz.”- JJ pointed at the other side of the bullpen, where our Section Chief talked with Hotch. If Cruz was there, then it meant the case was serious, which also explained why Hotch was forcing me to go with the team. 

Matt Cruz started presenting the case. That was weird. I looked around the room and my eyes found Blake. She cut me a short smile, which I reciprocated. Call me lame, but I missed my wife. Working without her was bizarre. I was used to having her as my partner in crime. Or more accurately, my partner fighting crime. 

- “A good friend of mine, Sheriff Peter Coleman, down in Briscoe County, Texas reached out to me about a possible case. He's a former Texas Ranger, he's a good guy.”- Matt started explaining, and Hotch continued.  

- “He read about our work on The Silencer case two years ago. He asked for a consult.”

- “What do we have?”- Blake asked right away, eager to solve that case, I suppose. We all wanted to go back home. At least I know that was all I had in mind.

- “Abigail Jones. Prostitute.”- Cruz explained. - “She was found in a dumpster last night.”

- “What's that on her wrists?”- Morgan asked, staring at the pictures on the screen. But Cruz failed to zoom in on the images, and Garcia had to help. (Y/N) would have laughed at the scene and made any sassy comment. But instead, no one even chuckled. 

- “Rope burns.”- Rossi pointed out, and Cruz continued explaining. 

- “Which goes hand in hand with lacerations on her back.”

- “There's also a gun wound to the back of her head, execution style.”- JJ said, sitting next to me.  

- “It's a conflict in M. O.”- I looked at the crime scene’s pictures on the screen. - “The cutting and restraining, point to a sexual sadism, but the gun wound ends the torture too quickly for a sadist.”

- “Is that the only victim?”- Blake asked. But of course, there were more. 

- “There's Hannah Kelly, another prostitute, killed six months ago, dumped one jurisdiction over.”

- “Forensic countermeasure.”- Blake added - “Smart enough to separate the victims so we won't tie them together.”

- “And practical, too.”- Matt Cruz commented. - “The body was left in a hooker row, where they picked up their Johns. Which brings us to our first victim, Lucas Wagner, killed eleven months ago. Multiple arrests for soliciting a prostitute. He was found outside of a crack house where some of them lived.”

- “He takes a paying customer and drops them where the girls live. That sends a message that nobody's safe.”- Derek commented and Hotch nodded at his words. 

- “Tell Sheriff Coleman we're on our way.”

And so I was on my way to Texas with the team. I texted my wife to tell her where we were going and asked her to keep me updated about her night with Raven, knowing I wasn’t going to sleep much on the plane thinking they were home alone.

- “Birdie is almost snoring.”- (Y/N) texted and sent a picture of our baby nearly drooling, and looking a lot like her mother when dreaming. 

- “Kiss those baby cheeks from me.”- I typed quickly and chuckled. JJ sat next to me on the jet and looked at my phone’s screen. 

- “Oh my god! Raven is adorable!”- she said, staring at the picture. - “And how is (Y/N) doing? I feel like a lousy friend, I haven’t visited as much as I’d like.”      

- “She is great. She is an amazing mother. I feel so guilty for leaving them home alone.”- I confessed and sighed. The rest of the team joined us in the jet, getting ready for the takeoff.  

- “Oh, come on, Spence. I bet you are an amazing dad.”- JJ assured me. - “Besides, you and (Y/N) were meant to be together and have babies.”

I just smiled and looked at the picture on my cellphone one more time. I know I had never been a huge fan of technology, but I was willing to change that if it meant getting pictures of Raven while I was away. 

We reviewed the case during the flight. Hotch paired me with Morgan to talk with everybody who had worked on the streets the prior night. We made it to Texas at breaking dawn, we had just time to get a coffee and head to work. 

- “You are already looking like a dad.”- Morgan teased me as I walked to the SUV, where one of the local cops was waiting for us. - “You are getting a dad bod.” 

- “What are you talking about?”- I frowned confused - “What’s a dad bod?” 

- “A ‘dad body’, genius. Look at your stomach, you are getting bulky.”

- “I am not bulky!”- I sucked in my stomach immediately, which made my friend laugh even harder. - “My wife just happens to be a great cook.”

- “We know, and I’m glad she is making you eat proper food and not just takeout.”- Morgan got into the car and the cop guided us to a place called “Joel’s Bar.” 

- “Not too many spots for working girls to go to, so this will be your best shot.”- he explained as we got out of the SUV under the already burning Texas morning sun. 

- “And you turn a blind eye to what goes on in here?”- I asked him as I unbuttoned the lowest bottom of my sweater, already conscious of how it looked like it was too tight. 

- “Agent, we only got one bar around here.”- the official explained- “Monday night's karaoke, Tuesday's line dancing, and the girls are discreet. Can't hardly tell the professionals from the locals who just want to get their drink on. Not to mention, we shut this place down, then what?”

- “The devil you know kind of thing.”- Morgan said and looked at me with a smug smirk. 

By the end of the day, we had nothing. The entire police force was very eager to help us, but so far, we didn’t have much to investigate. Back at the hotel, I laid on my bed and dialed (Y/N)’s phone number. I waited patiently for her to pick up, but she didn’t, and the call went to voicemail. I immediately panicked and dialed again. After a few seconds, I heard my wife’s voice on the other side of the line, and Raven’s desperate cries. 

- “What happened?”- I asked immediately  

- “Colics, she started crying an hour ago.”- my wife quickly explained. -“I’ve been walking with her around the apartment the entire time, trying to calm her down. Sorry I didn’t pick up when you called, we were in the kitchen and I didn’t hear the phone.” 

- “No, chipmunk, don’t worry. I am so sorry I’m not there to help you.”- my heart ached hearing my daughter cry at the other side of the line, knowing there was nothing I could do at the minute to calm her down from Texas.  

- “I can call you back when she is calmer if you want”- I imagined my wife holding the phone between her neck and her ear as she carried Raven across the apartment. 

- “Can you put me on speaker, I wanna talk to her.”- I begged, knowing it was the only thing I could do. I heard her struggling with the phone until she announced I was on speaker. 

- “She can hear you now, honey.” 

- “Hey Raven.”- I whispered, but my daughter kept crying. - “Hey baby birdie, it’s your dad, remember me? The tall guy with the crazy hair that keeps kissing your mommy.”- my baby sobbed and I closed my eyes. All I wanted that minute was to teleport and hold her close to my chest. 

- “We miss you, Daddy.”- (Y/N) said and I smiled for a second. - “Tell us about the case.” 

- “You don’t really wanna know.” 

- “True, I don’t want the details. But are you close to catching the guys?”

- “Yeah, definitely.”

- “You are such a lousy liar.”- I smiled knowing my wife had smiled for a second. - “I miss you.”

- “Me more. And I miss that little crying baby as well.”- for a moment, Raven gave us a truce and whined more quietly- “Did you give her the antispasmodic drops?” 

- “Yes, they should be kicking in as we speak.” 

- “Good, I can’t stand knowing she is in pain.”- I whispered, relieved.  

- “I know how you feel.”- my wife sighed and made a long pause. I stared at the ceiling, picturing the two of them in the room with me. - “I don't like this, honey. I’m sorry.” 

- “What? The call?”- somehow, I was lost.  

- “No. Having you away, I don’t like it. I have a bad feeling about this.” 

- “It’s just because it’s the first time I’ve been away since we had Raven. But I promise we’ll be together as soon as possible.”

- “I feel so guilty, ‘cos I think I’m so scared and stressed out, I gave Raven the colics.”

- “It’s not your fault.”- I replied without even hesitating for a second. - “It’s not your fault, chipmunk.”- I repeated in a softer tone of voice. - “Did you have dinner?”

- “No… I’m not hungry. You?”

- “Neither… I just wanted to come to my room and talk to you.” 

- “You should eat, honey bunny. You need to be strong to think straight and solve that case so you can come home soon.”

- “You should eat too. You need to be strong to take care of our baby girl.”- (Y/N) didn’t reply, instead, she chuckled softly.  

- “She fell asleep.”- she whispered and I smiled, closing my eyes, relieved. 

- “It’s good to know that even from another state I can bore my daughter till she falls asleep.”

- “She relaxes when she hears you”- my wife explained. - “She knows it’s you since she was still in my womb.”  

- “I wanna be there with you two.” 

- “We miss you. I wanna cuddle with you.” 

- “I wanna do more than just cuddle with you.”- I replied in a lower voice and heard my wife giggling. 

- “Dirty daddy, talking like that to mommy.”- and those names did something to me. Something that made me feel like a perv. 

- “Get some sleep, honey bunny.”- (Y/N) suggested. - “I’m gonna put Raven in her crib and make me a sandwich or something.” 

- “Yes, ma cherie. I love you.” 

- “I love you more. Talk to you tomorrow, ok?”

(Y/N)’s point of view 

Day two without Spencer was messy. Raven woke me up six times during that night. And the following morning, when she finally closed her eyes and I tried to get some sleep, Spencer called and then I couldn’t go back to bed, so I decided to do laundry and get some cleaning done around the house before Raven woke up. Of course, my daughter woke up before I could get anything finished, and I had to carry her around the house as I did the dishes, folded clean underwear, and put away the trash. 

Frank and Lu stopped by after lunch and kept me company and sane for a while. Spencer texted and told me they were closer to cracking the case, which gave me hope. It was a three-hour flight between home and Texas, he could be there by dinner if things went well. 

But they didn’t. 

Instead of Spencer’s call around eight, I got one from Penelope. And it was the call that confirmed my biggest fear. 

- “Munchkin, I’m so sorry.”- Garcia was crying as she tried to explain what had happened. My heart nearly stopped as soon I heard the state she was in. That couldn't be good news.

- “What is it? What happened to Spencer?”- I freaked out right away and held Raven closer to me, in an attempt to remain sane. Only one thing would make Penelope call me in that state, and I feared the worst right away. 

- “He was shot in the neck. They are taking him to the hospital now.”

I don't think I could ever explain what happened to me that second. I know I would have gone mental if it wasn't for my baby in my arms. My stomach dropped and my hands started shaking, but I knew I had to be strong for Raven.

I didn’t hesitate. I did the SSA thing to do and remained logical and somehow not completely hysterical. I dropped the phone and grabbed Raven’s bag, my purse, and got into the car. In twenty minutes I was in Quantico, and in half an hour I was in Garcia’s office, trying to understand what had happened. My baby daughter looked at me as I held her against my chest in her carrier, her chocolate eyes wide open, staring at the tears that kept falling from my face, no matter how badly I tried to stop them. 

It was the first fucking case Spencer had been a part of after becoming a father. And all I knew was that he had been shot.

- “I convinced Cruz to take me to Texas to put an eye on Reid.”- Garcia announced as she stood up from her desk and I grabbed my bag immediately. 

- “We are going with you.”

- “What? No! You are not! My goddaughter can’t travel to Texas, out of the blue! you would…”

- “I don’t think you get this, Pen. I am not asking you if I can come. I am going with you to be with my husband. Now!” 

- “Munchkin… this is…”

- “I’m not gonna be ok until I see he is safe and sound. So let’s go, now!”

Yes, I was harsh and it wasn’t fair on Penelope, ‘cos it wasn’t her fault my husband had been shot. But for once, I was losing my sanity. All I wanted was to be next to my husband, hold his hand, and kiss his lips. I needed to hear his laughter and stare into his beautiful eyes. The same eyes his daughter had inherited, and that stared at me as I made my way to the elevator, following Penelope and Cruz, on our way to the jet. 

The trip was eternal, the longest three hours of my life. I was glad Raven behaved like a princess and didn’t cry during take-off. She got a little fuzzy at the end, but Garcia helped me carry her and change diapers during the trip. I felt quite guilty, now looking back in time. I wasn’t in my right mind. I was losing it, honestly. I was scared to death of anything happening to Spencer. I knew the risk was part of our job, but I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Not with a two-month-old baby girl in my arms that needed her dad as much as I needed him. I don't know how to live without Spencer. And honestly, I don’t want to learn how to. 

When Pen, Cruz, and I reached the hospital, we found JJ and Blake, waiting for news of Spencer's surgery. The two of them hugged us tight and kissed Raven’s sleepy head. 

- “How is he?”- I asked right away and Blake sighed, exhausted, as she explained. 

- “Still in surgery.”

- “You all can see Agent Morgan now.”- one nurse announced and Garcia and JJ stood up right away. Blake turned to me and my baby and whispered. 

- “Well, if you don't mind, I'd really like to stay here.”

- “We’d love the company.”- I replied and felt her hand on mine. She was freezing cold.  

- “The second you hear anything, call me.”- JJ said as she stood up and walked away with the nurse and Cruz. 

- “Hey, I’ll be right back”- Garcia whispered and cut me a short smile. I just nodded and watched them walk away. 

- “How are you holding up?”- Blake asked and I chuckled, tears filling my eyes right away. 

- “I’m literally holding the only person that can keep me sane right now.”- I whispered and looked at my sleepy baby in my arms- “I just… can’t… I could never live without him.” 

- “You won’t have to. I am sure he is going to be ok.”

I stayed in silence and just nodded. Blake and I didn’t say another word for a long time, as we waited for anyone to come and give us news of my husband’s health. 

As we waited, I called my mom and texted Lu, Mikey, and Frank to tell them what was going on. I felt so alone in that hospital room. Though Hotch and Rossi had stopped by to hug us on their way out, and even when Blake and eventually also Garcia were sitting right next to me, I felt so lonely it was insane. My mother freaked out, of course. Not only because Spencer was in surgery, but because I had traveled alone with Raven to be with him. Lu, Mikey, and Frank were just as scared as I was and made me promise to call as soon as I had news of Spencer’s condition.

- “Agent”- after what felt like an eternity, a doctor walked over to us and we stood up to hear the news. 

- “How is my husband?”- I asked immediately, and realized I had to clarify- “How is agent Reid.”

- “Incredibly lucky. Two millimeters to the right the bullet would have torn through the carotid artery. It nicked some smaller vessels, but we've stopped the bleeding.”- I sighed, relieved, and kissed Raven’s head, as she kept sleeping against my chest. 

- “You can see him now.”- he announced, and I started walking right away. Blake followed close behind, calling JJ to update her on Spencer’s status. 

My husband was unconscious after surgery. He was pale, his hair was a mess, and it was heartbreaking just staring at him. I ran my fingers through his messy hair as Penelope set some of his favorite Dr. Who dolls that he kept on his desk, on a table in front of him, so he could look at them as soon as he woke up. Blake sat next to him and Garcia stood at one corner of the room, staring outside the window for a moment. Raven was asleep in her baby wrap carrier, drooling against my chest. 

I felt so useless as I sat on Spencer’s bed and held his hand, waiting for him to wake up. I also finally understood why mom hated dad’s job so much, and why she had decided to divorce him. They were still in love with each other when they divorced, maybe they still were until that day. But mom decided she had had enough of his work and took a step aside. 

After two hours, or so, Spencer finally opened his eyes. I was breastfeeding Raven, still sitting on one side of his bed when he woke up. He looked confused and in a lot of pain, but still, he smiled as soon as he saw me and Raven next to him. 

- “I’m sorry, chipmunk.”- he whispered as I leaned and kissed his lips a couple of times. 

- “We were so afraid.”- I sobbed, caressing his cheeks over and over again. I hadn’t realized I was crying until that moment. I was tired of keeping the tears to myself because I don’t like crying in front of people. But I couldn’t do it anymore. It was just too much. 

- “I’m so, so sorry.”- Spencer whispered again. I tried to cut him a short smile as I shushed him with two fingers on my dry lips, the ones he kissed right away, making my heart skip a beat. 

- “Don’t worry, we are here now, with you. We are gonna take care of you.”- Spencer nodded at my words and sighed. He looked at Raven for a moment and then turned to Alex and Garcia. 

- “Thank you for being here.” 

- “No problem.”- Blake whispered with tears in her eyes as Garcia jumped on her spot and announced she was going to get my husband something to eat, to keep him strong. 

- “Can I hold her?”- Spencer asked me. I nodded and placed Raven on his chest, and watched how the two of them seemed to find a peace no one else could give them. Their bond has always been strong, ever since she was still inside me, and it has only grown stronger with time. 

- “How did you get here?”- Spencer whispered and I just shook my head. 

- “I might need to apologize to Garcia, ‘cos I kinda yelled at her. She convinced Cruz to take us with him to Texas as soon as we heard what happened.”- I confessed and bit my lip embarrassed. Blake turned to me and smiled sweetly. 

- “I’m sure she is not mad at you, (Y/N). She was just as worried as we were all.” 

- “When this comes off, I’m gonna look just like Boris Karloff”- my husband joked, pointing at the bandage on his neck. Blake and I chuckled and nodded. 

- “Yeah, a little green makeup and you’ll have the best Halloween costume ever.”- she added and I smiled, picturing Spencer as Frankenstein. He closed his eyes for a moment, and it ached my heart to think he was in pain or relieving the whole incident in his head over and over again. 

- “Everybody is fine.”- Alex assured him - “Don’t worry.” 

- “I’m not…”- he replied, caressing Raven’s back with his hand sweetly. But we both knew he was lying. Blake turned to me and I just shook my head. 

- “You’ve got that furrowed brow.”- but before I could argue with him any longer, Garcia walked into the room with a tray filled with food as she kept talking on the phone with the team, I was sure. 

- “Will you look who's still awake!”- she smiled and brightened the room, like the ray of sunshine she is- “Can you tell her she can go now, please?”- Garcia asked my husband, and looked at Blake.

- “I'm ok, Alex. Go help the team.”- she nodded and held Spencer’s hand one more time as she said

- “All right. I'm out of here. I'm glad you're awake.”

- “Thank you.”- my husband smiled at her and watched her walk out of the room. 

- “Ok now.”- Garcia placed the food in front of my husband- “Juice, broth, or Jell-O?”- I knew exactly what Spencer was going to pick.

- “Jell-o, my favorite!”

- “Let me take Raven so you can sit down.”- I moved and grabbed our baby daughter, who immediately started arguing she didn’t want to be away from her dad. 

- “I can’t believe how bossy this little angel can be.”- Garcia joked as she looked at her. 

- “Just like her mom.”- Spencer teased and I gasped, pretending to be surprised. 

- “How dare you?”- my husband smiled, masking the pain he clearly was in. I walked Raven across the room as he stared at us in silence, and Garcia grabbed her laptop and continued talking on the phone with JJ. I honestly didn’t pay much attention to what she was saying, I didn’t want to know much of the case. I just wanted to take Spencer back home with us. 

- “Eat your jell-o”- I whispered and turned to my husband, who sighed and grabbed the spoon.- “Mom asked me to call her as soon as you woke up. I should let her know you are ok.”

- “Why did you tell her what happened?”- Spencer frowned and started arguing immediately. - “It wasn’t…”

- “It was. And you are ok now. That’s all that matters.”- he didn’t debate, probably ‘cos he could read on my face how worried I had been, the lack of sleep, and the relief I felt to see he was getting better. Instead of talking, he finished his jello and I fixed his pillow. 

- “I’ll be right back, I need coffee. Do you guys need anything?”- Garcia announced as she stood up and left her computer on the chair. 

- “Thank you, I’m ok.”

- “Can you put Raven in bed with me?”- Spencer asked as he got ready to sleep. His daughter was pretty much doing the same thing, so I carefully placed her on his chest again and watched him covering her with his blanket. 

- “I’m gonna text mom. Get lots of rest, ok? I’ll be here when you wake up.”- I kissed my husband goodnight and smiled at him as he sighed one more time. 

- “I love you, Mrs. Reid. I’m sorry I made you worry.”- his voice was a soft whisper, filled with concern and regret.  

- “I love you too, Dr. Reid. In sickness and health, remember? That includes bullets, poisoning, and any field injury we haven’t gotten yet.”- I joked and kissed him one more time. He smiled and closed his eyes, caressing Raven’s back carefully. 

My whole family was there in that hospital room, and even when circumstances weren’t the best, I felt at peace knowing the three of us were safe and together. 

Though apparently, the concept of “safe” wasn’t going to last long. A few minutes later, when Spencer and Raven were completely asleep and I was texting my mom, Garcia walked in and closed the door behind her back as she kept talking with someone on the phone, clearly freaking out.

- “Ok, I did that, now what?”- she said and I looked at her, frowning, confused. - “Yes, yes I can do that.” - she took a look around the room quickly and stared at a wheelchair - “Yes!”

- “What’s going on?”- I stood up and looked at her. 

- “That’s not going to be easy.”- she ignored me and kept talking with who I later found out was Derek. 

- “Pen? What is it?”

- “Oh my god, what?”- she kept gasping and her eyes watered up in a second, stopping my heart and putting me in total alert. - “Ok.”- she finally put herself together and hung up the phone. 

- “Garcia, what is going on?”

- “We need to take Reid out of here.”- she commanded as she put the wheelchair next to his bed.- “Take Raven and help me wake him up.”

- “What the fuck is happening?”- I didn't get why moving my wounded husband was necessary.

- “Bad things, munchkin. We have to keep Spencer safe from the corrupted police force in town.”

- “What?!”- I didn't hesitate and moved as quickly as possible to put Raven on the carrier. Penelope woke Spencer up and asked him to get in the wheelchair, as fast as possible. My poor husband was so lost he didn’t get what was happening and didn’t ask much. He was more worried for Raven’s and my safety than his own. 

Once we managed to put him on the chair, Garcia took him out immediately and pulled the fire alarm on her way out. I followed her with my baby, trying to remember if things had been that crazy before. Yes, they were. And they got even crazier.

Spencer’s point of view  

I still remember the moment I got shot in the neck while in my very first time on the field after Raven was born. I was trying to cover Alex from the shooting when I felt the pain knock me back and my head hit the ground.

Bullets were coming from everywhere, and all I could think of at that minute was of my baby daughter, and how I had been so stupid to get shot. I couldn’t leave her alone, I had just become a dad. I had so much to do with her. I wanted to hear her first words and watch her first steps. Take her to her first school day. There was so much left of fatherhood to discover, I couldn’t die that day. 

- “Ethan! Ethan! Open your eyes!”- I knew Blake was talking to me, but I didn’t know why she was calling me that name. That was the last thing I recall and the next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance with Morgan. Then, my mind went blank until I woke up in a hospital bed, and (Y/N) was sitting next to me, breastfeeding Raven. The sight made me wonder if I was in heaven because she looked like an angel holding a tiny cherub. 

I felt my wife’s embrace and her tears on my skin as she held me close. I wished I could hold her, but moving was still too painful for me. So I did what I could, and caressed her cheek and Raven’s head. I felt so guilty when I saw how concerned she was, and I could only imagine what she had thought when she got the news I had been shot. How has she gotten to Texas so quickly? How long had I been out? I wanted to ask a million questions, but at the minute, all I managed to do was apologize to her for getting hurt. 

Alex and Garcia were there too. I still wanted to ask Alex who Ethan was, but I figured she might not like to share that in front of everybody. Garcia kept working, and soon after I woke up, Alex left to join the team with the investigation. It was clear something was very wrong when (Y/N) and Pen asked me to get in a wheelchair, and Garcia explained the details as we waited outside the hospital. Apparently, the entire police force was corrupted and wanted to kill me to cover their tracks. 

- “He is gone. They are letting us back in.”- once we were taken back to the hospital, Garcia called Morgan to update him. - “I lost a couple of karma points, but yeah, I did it.”

- “Are you ok, chipmunk?”- I asked my wife as we re-entered the room, Raven was starting to get fuzzy and I calculated it was time for her feeding. 

- “Yeah, we are just fine, honey. You just get some rest, ok?”- my wife smiled at me and sat on a couch on the other side of the room to feed our baby. I got back into my bed and stared at her in adoration, as Garcia announced Morgan was on his way to the hospital. 

- “Are you ok?”- Garcia asked and helped me fix the covers on my bed. 

- “I’m just very tired.”- I confessed and sighed, exhausted after that day. 

- “Of course you are. You need to get some sleep.”- and just as she said those words, a male nurse walked in with my chart. - “Oh, but how can you sleep? 'Cause you're in a hospital where people are always poking you.”

- “He had his meds an hour ago.”- (Y/N) pointed out from the couch and the nurse turned to her with a look I didn’t really like. 

- “Yeah, post-op antibiotics.”

- “Yeah, he had those, too.”- Garcia added 

- “Which ones?”- I asked and tried to read the name on the bottle the nurse was holding. - “Carbenicillin? No, that's not right. I have a severe reaction to beta-lactams. I can't have that.”- I argued as the nurse simply took a look at the notes and shook his head. 

- “That's not in your chart.”- and after those words, he proceeded to add it to my IV. 

- “What are you doing? What are you doing?”- I freaked out right away, knowing how bad that was gonna be for me if it reached my blood. I took the needle from my arm, and slapped the antibiotic from his hands just the minute I saw a gun hidden in the back of his pants. 

And my baby daughter was in the same room. That was all I could think of. 

- “Garcia! He has a gun!”- I yelled- “Chipmunk! protect Raven!”

And just like that, there was a gunshot. I heard my baby crying and looked around me. (Y/N) had our daughter’s ears covered against her chest and hands and stared at me in shock. Garcia wasn't moving. She was holding my gun with both hands as if her life depended on it. As it did. 

- “He's moving.”- Penelope whispered, terrified and one second later, Morgan walked into the room that second and pointed his gun at the nurse. 

- “Chipmunk, stay right there. Are you and Raven ok?”- I whispered and looked at my wife. Her eyes moved from me to the nurse on the floor and then to Raven, and back to me, scared.  

- “Yes… you?”- she was still stunned, and holding our daughter as close to her chest as possible. 

- “I didn't know how loud. I can't hear, 'cause my heart feels like it's gonna come out. Can that happen?”- Garcia was rambling, shocked- “ Physically, can your heart burst out of your chest? And what is this ringing? My ears don't pop for like a week after I fly, and if this is like that, that's gonna drive me bonkers. Am I yelling? Because it feels like I might be yelling.” 

- “You saved my life.”- I turned to her and took the gun from her hands as she stared at me with an astonished look in her eyes, and didn’t say another word- “Can you hear me?”

- “Yeah, I heard that. That makes it better. Thank you for saying that.”

- “Thank you for doing it.”- and as tears fell from her eyes, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. 

- “Ok. You're ok.”- she whispered as I held her tight. Then I stood up and walked to the couch, where (Y/N) was still sitting, unable to move as she held Raven. 

- “Are you ok?”- she whispered as tears filled her eyes. I nodded and sat next to her, and in a second, she was crawling to my lap. I held her closer to me, feeling her and Raven’s breathing. Our baby kept crying for a few more minutes until I held her and kissed her chubby cheeks. My wife stared at me, shaking, and Morgan helped Garcia sit down for a minute. 

- “I wanna go home.”- (Y/N) whispered and looked at me with tears in her eyes. 

- “Me too, Chipmunk.” 

It took a few more hours until the team finally wrapped the case, and killed the unsub. That very same night we took the jet back home. I couldn’t wait to be back in Washington, in our apartment, in our bed. (Y/N) and Raven sat with me on our usual seat at the back of the jet and fell asleep in my arms. I was so exhausted after the case and surgery, I didn’t even fight the slumber, I just closed my eyes and hummed content to have my family with me. 

Blake helped us get home that night. She drove our car over to our apartment, ‘cos we were all too exhausted to drive ourselves. She helped us upstairs with our bags, and as soon as I opened the front door, I realized she had never been in our house before. 

- “Are you sure you are ok?”- Alex asked me and raised an eyebrow. 

- “I feel great. Ok, that's overselling it.”- I tried to joke- “I, uh, I feel great considering I just got shot in the neck.”

- “I’m gonna put Raven in her crib.”- (Y/N) whispered and walked to our room holding our baby daughter. 

- “Where do you want this?”- Alex asked, taking a look around the place. 

- “Any… right there is fine.”- I pointed at the empty space next to the couch and she just left the bags there. 

- “Ok. So, you should get some sleep.”- Blake stood in front of me and sighed. 

- “You all right?”- I asked straight away 

- “Yesterday touched a nerve when I saw you like that.”- she simply confessed. So I had to push her a little more. 

- “Who's Ethan?”

- “My son.”- I widened my eyes in shock. I never knew she had a son- “He was nine when he died. Doctors said it was neurological, but they didn't have a name for it. Still don't. That drove me crazy. No word to put to this thing that took away my greatest love.” 

- “I'm sorry.”- that was the best I could do, ‘cos honestly, I didn't know what else to say. 

- “He kept growing despite his disease. The last time I lay beside him he was almost as long as me. He was ready to go. But I wasn't ready to say goodbye.”- her voice broke at that last word, so she made a pause to compose herself, I guess. - “I begged him to open his eyes. And the cruelest part was that I could see who he would be at 20, but I knew he'd never get there.” 

- “Ethan is a great name.”- I don’t know why I said that, but it was the only thing I could think of that minute. Blake smiled and nodded. 

- “Yeah. It means enduring.”

- “It's fitting. You and James never let go of one another.”- Blake shook her head and sighed. She grabbed her things and walked to the door. But before she opened it, I asked her 

- “Have you ever had that feeling that your future is somehow behind you?” 

- “All the time.”- she replied right away, holding the doorknob. I heard Raven’s coos as I figured (Y/N) was changing her diaper. I looked over the room, though I couldn’t see any of them from the living room. 

- “I did, too. But it isn't.”- I replied to Alex, and she just smiled and nodded. 

- “Ethan would have been a lot like you.”

- “Thank you for being there when I woke up. That meant a lot.”- I confessed, feeling inside me that was the last time I was going to be able to thank her. 

- “Of course.” 

And just like that, she left the apartment.

- “Bye, Alex.”- I whispered as I stood there, still for a few seconds. Until my wife spared in the hall and held my hand. 

- “Where is Alex?  I was gonna make us some tea.” 

- “She is gone, Chipmunk. But I’d love some tea.”- I looked at her and kissed her lips slowly, feeling her humming against my body. 

- “Then I’ll make you a nice cup, honey bunny.” 

I stared at my wife walking to the kitchen and followed her as she boiled some water and took two mugs from the cupboard. She smiled at me and grabbed two bags of lavender tea as I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. 

- “Are you ok?”- (Y/N) asked and placed her hands on mine. 

- “I love you, chipmunk.” 

- “I love you more, honey.” 

- “Sorry everything got so messy.” 

- “You are home safe. That’s all that matters.” 

As we stood there together, in comfortable silence, waiting for the water to boil, I sighed and remembered a Joseph Campbell quote: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

And that phrase really stuck with me during the years, because that injury was the first time I honestly thought I should leave the BAU and focus on my family, and I guess, it was the first step that led us to today, our last day at the FBI. Today (Y/N) and I are gonna get rid of the life we planned before getting married and have the life we are waiting to live with our kids. 

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[lovelykhaleesiii]

I love Egg/chubby Aegon. I feel that it is so attractive. 😭 But hey, this morning at university I came up with a TOTALLY DISTURBING AND GROSS idea. I would love for you to accept this request and write to my tough, horny, BIG DICK Aegon together with a young wife (Helaena lives happily in the country with a man who loves her) redhead and "fragile" high on Dornish herbs begging her husband totally horrified at the idea of ​​sharing a bed with her husband's brother in the face of his lord's infertility. ‼️I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE.

I'm so sorry for my English, it's horrible.

we are the same, chubby Egg is god-tier to me 😫🥵 getting flustered just thinking of him!!

apologies this took me forever to respond to, I appreciate you sending in the request (& your English is fine) 💖 hope you enjoy x

Splendid Husband, Obedient Wife.

PAIRING: chubby!Aegon ii Targaryen x fem!Reader x Aemond Targaryen.

WORDS: 3,864.

WARNINGS: mentions of infertility, oral (female) receiving, p in v sexual intercourse, swearing, hint of cheating (?), mentions of alcohol abuse, NSFW.

A/N - gosh I hope you really like this, I got sooo carried away in the fic so apologies it turned out long, but I found my way back!!! idk why but since having a mini hiatus, I feel a little nervous writing, but here we are!! enjoy lovely x

These past few, joyous months had been memorable yet fleeting. Betrothed to the Prince himself, Aegon Targaryen, Second of His Name, neither of you could've imagined how overly satisfied you would have been with each other upon meeting. Aegon was breath-taken by you the moment he caught you lonesomely wandering through the stony, ancient castle corridors, meeting you hours before the scheduled feast. You were taken aback by your husband to be, having heard viper-quick whispers, his notorious reputation preceding him, initially made you doubtful the union would survive prior to having met the man. Although, Aegon had quashed such vile allegations with much determination.

He was tender when it came matters relating to you, not wishing to cause unnecessary haste and spectacle, he was surprisingly quite grounded. If he could avoid conflict, he would, you both rarely got into arguments since he always listened to your opinions, always probing and advocating for your to speak and voice your concerns or judgements. His persona quite charming and meek with you, exterior wise, he did impose more of an oppposing effect, which also could've explained why you remained so guarded during the initial acquaintance stage. He seemed rather ruggard and rough, his Targaryen blonde hair remained short and unkempt, unlike his younger brothers. The Prince over the years had also developed a larger frame, despite having kept up with regular combat training, his gluttonous appetite to feast and drink was far more impressive, than any other young man in court. If you were being frank, it was actually appealing to you: it made him look brute, convincing you he was a force not to be reckoned with, and it seemed many shared this mutual belief, for no one dared to openly spare with Aegon in the training yard nor during council meetings.

He was rather a splendid husband, and an even more seasoned lover.

He did confess, during his youth and prior to meeting you, he did spend most of his lonely nights in the carnal company of whores and prostitutes. Hearing widespread rumours, even before your betrothal, of the Prince having sired bastards with these unknown women, you'd never come to see of any 'proof' for Aegon did not relish in speaking nor rekindling of such desolate memories.

"I was in a terrible place, my dearest. And I know, that is no valid excuse for how I acted nor carried myself, and yet I somehow ended up so lucky... With you."

He was not proud of such dark endeavours, upon thorough reflection and now being a married man devoted to his wife, Aegon was regretful of his youthful decisions. Although, during such a dark time in his life, he did not think it possible for someone to love him. To genuinely love him, without any political agenda nor catch to the arrangement. And despite, your betrothal being arranged between two highborn houses, undeniably, your love naturally blossomed like a lily in the spring.

However, unsurprisingly, people often spoke quietly, amongst themselves, yet harshly of your union. Always eager to stir the pot, and with time having passed since the exquisite marriage ceremony, the target was you.

"It has been three long months, Aegon, and your wife is still not yet with child." His discerning mother provoked: Alicent conditioned from a young age, believed this to be a serious concern that she'd often expressed amongst you three in private.

Since the viscous rumours began to spread like sprouts of weed amongst the court, Alicent had been even more persistent with her eldest son to conceive an heir with you. And although, the sex with Aegon was far from scarce, you had not yet fallen pregnant, which eventually made you anxious, as to whether your body was capable to breed. The question that poisoned your mind, was whether the culprit of infertility was Aegon, himself, or you…

“And how are we to figure this out, Aegon? For all I know, I may be the rotten spouse, useless in performing her wifely duties. They’ll have you marry another, more vibrant, more fertile lady, as you toss me aside out of sight and mind,” You tensely spat, carefully seating yourself down by the foot of the king-sized bed, your mind anxiously pondering over your dreaded future. You had an awful habit of picking and biting your nails, and Aegon had grown familiar with this, a blatant sign of distress.

Hastily he knelt before you, his large, rough hands gripped over yours, to stop you from picking at yourself, his touch halting your haste train of thought.

“We shall figure this out, my dearest. Trust… I will find a solution. You need not to worry of what others think, nor would I ever think to discard you in such a way. You are mine, as I am yours. I am bound to you till the end of time.”

A faint, half-hearted smile beams against your tender face, as you focus and cup Aegon’s portly, familiar face. To think of the possibility, that you might be the reason hindering Aegon from having children of his own, pains your heart achingly and yet, through the adversity, he remains still unfalteringly by your side. The fears settle for now, as a warm calm washes over your body, tears that had initially swelled in your eyes from sadness, now shed with the relief of joy, as you plant a soft kiss on Aegon’s forehead. You have faith in your husband, as he remains devoted to you. You trust that Aegon’s determined nature, he will find a way to give you a child, whether the Gods deemed it natural or not…

****

“Aegon, dearest, you cannot be serious? I truly hope you realise, what you are asking of me!” You frustratingly shout, as Aegon storms towards you in a haste, his hands gesturing for you to quieten down, as he takes a quick glance towards the main door, before focusing his attention solely on you.

“Y/N, you and I both know this is the only way we could ever really know if either I am the problem or there may be something hindering you from carrying. It’s either this or I sleep with another woman. And I swore even before our marriage, I would never even think to look at another... And besides, if you happen to fall with child, the resemblance would be uncanny! No one would ever know besides us three, and it shall remain that way, right brother?-”

Instinctively, both Aegon and yourself gradually turned to face Aemond, who remained silently and comfortably seated on the opposing end of the room, near the active fireplace. He seemed distracted in his own deep thoughts, as his gaze lingered across the dancing orange flames, the shadows and light perfectly outlining the sharp details and silhouette of his face. Aegon called for him again, managing to snap the younger back to reality facing your direction. A stoic look remained donned across his handsome face, although his eye remained fixated on you.

"Yes. Of course. Not a living should shall hear of such... Treason," Aemond teasingly uttered, a sly smirk appearing on his face, as he playfully fiddled with some sort of stone in his long fingers. His eye turned from Aegon, to you before resuming the direction of the flames once more. He seemed unphased and yet he did not disagree to such an unlawful scheme.

Why that was, you could not say with certainty. Perhaps this could be something he could hold over Aegon's head, which only infuriated you more. Potentially passing his bastard son as Aegon's rightful heir... It was dangerous, although the only viable option. The pressure of the realm, the tiresome burden of the expectations felt all too real these past few weeks, and this option was the only source of relief.

"And what if I do not fall pregnant, then what, Aegon? You would have no use of me, I would mean nothing to you. You have sired bastards before with unknown women, why not yet with me-"

"Don't say that-" One hand immediately stretched out reaching over towards yours that dangled hopelessly by your side, and his other reaching over towards your flustered cheek, his thumb grazing over your soft skin.

His height, although not as tall as his youngest, still towered over your polite frame. The distance now closed, you could examine the heartache struck across his face, as his glistening, lilac eyes lingered over you.

"Don't you ever speak those words again. You mean everything to me. With or without a child, Y/N, I shall love you always. You are mine. Mayhaps I have had a few children, although that was when I was young and futile, perhaps the drinking has rendered me impotent..."

You remain defeated in silence, engraining Aegon's sincere words into the core of your troubled mind, although feel another lingering gaze peering towards you. Hesitantly you turn ever so slightly towards Aemond direction, only to notice he'd been observing you both intently the entire time, his head slightly tilted in your direction, you'd caught him watching from his peripheral vision. You couldn't help but notice a sorrowful hint across his face, the smirk that had once eagerly occupied his lips, now disappeared, remaining pursed, before his eye dropped towards the view of the stony, cold floor.

"Y-You promise you'll stay with me," Your voice softly broke, as you choked against your words. Hot tears began to swell in your eyes, for you felt the guilt of betrayal fester in the pit of your stomach. Aegon would argue that this be a lesson for his past transgressions, and yet he did not disprove nor fight... He accepted what needed to be done.

"I promise, baby. It'll just be like how we always do it, okay?" His hand that cupped your face, now gently gripped your chin, as his thumb traced over your bottom lip. His sweet, upturned smile gleaming on his face, as he stroked away the few tears that managed to stream down.

"You may prepare yourself however you need to brother, I'll get her ready."

****

Aegon stayed true to his word, he mindfully eased you into the act. Wanting to warm your body up for the hopeful conception, undressing you, soothing you into the mindset to fuck.

"Such a good, good girl for me, so obedient."

He breathlessly whispered, in between each passionate kiss. His larger frame hovered atop of yours sprawled against the wide, soft bed. His trousers remained on, however his chest bare, his fleshy tummy pressed against your own, weighing you down as one hand glid gently across the sides of thigh, whilst the other supported your neck, shoving your face deeper into his as you kissed. Aegon being slightly heavier, he often succumbed to his weight, pinning himself down even more against your smaller body, and in this precise moment, you could feel his throbbing cock hardening against your exposed cunt.

"Hmm, Aegon-" You carelessly moan, the heat of your breath leaving a small, fade of moisture against his plump skin, as his lips escape yours.

He begins to leave a soft, wet trail of kisses down your neck line, making his way slowly towards the cleavage of your breasts, causing your body to eagerly shudder against his suckling motion. Hitting your sensitive spot, a small giggle escaped your lips, and moments after, you could feel Aegon's smile appearing against your skin in response.

"That's it baby, be the good girl that I know you are for me-"

As he repositioned his body further down, aligning his face towards the entrance of your now moist cunt, your gaze from the ceiling, as you opened your lustful eyes, down towards Aegon, you momentarily glimpsed as he gestured for his brother to join, tilting towards your direction.

Aemond now stripped naked, his body far more slimmer and lean than his older brother, you easily noticed the trace and outline of his prominent muscles. Although you greatly favoured Aegon's body and layer of fat that molded against his muscles, you could not deny that Aemond was a handsome figure also. It seemed the image of the Targaryens, regardless of shape nor size, were created authentically and yet so perfectly, by the favour of the Gods.

Laying himself cautiously down by your side, as though not to tease the risk of startling you, your unphased focus remained reciprocated towards each other, and yet there was no hesitation on Aemond's part, as his hand reaching over towards your face, as his long fingers gently seeped their way into the strands of your hair.

"Do not fret, Y/N. I am only here to perform my duty to the realm-"

And without a second to spare, Aemond's defined lips plummeted down against yours, where Aegon's once met. You felt that dreadful feeling beginning to entice in the depths of your stomach, an uneasy feeling churning as his tongue managed to peak its way through the gap of your mouth. Although, the sudden, reassuring squeeze of Aegon's hand in yours, as he looked up towards you, a small, warm smile reappearing on his face, your felt yourself beginning to give into the kiss.

"My sweet, sweet girl," Aegon's familiar, deep voice proclaimed, before his face began to comfortably nestle between your inner thighs. His mouth now agape at your entrance, his warm, wet tongue now began to lap at your wet folds, licking up the wetness that began to seep through, shoving himself deeper and deeper as he ate you out.

"Hmm", a low growl escaped your beloved husband's ravenous mouth, as Aegon's hands each snaked around your soft thighs, firmly pulling your legs further and further apart, in an attempt to widen the space to accomodate for his broad frame. Although he also felt the primal urge to widen your entrance more, as he delved his thick tongue deeper into your cunt, burying his face into the sensitive crevice of your wet entrance. He was known for his large appetite and that never stopped with feasts, he was always starving for your sweet, delicate taste.

As Aegon remained occupied below, Aemond found himself beginning to gain confidence and familiarity up top. Remaining by your side, slightly higher above you, his lean arms now snaked around your waist, in a poor and slight attempt to turn your body more towards him, as his lips remained encased against yours. Although, with Aegon's weight below, pinning you down from turning completely, your upper body remained slightly tilted towards him, one of his hands supporting your back from beneath as to not strain you, whilst the other began to firmly massage the swollen cup of your breast.

"A-Aemond-" You pleasantly whisper, uncertain of whether you wished for the moment to cease nor continue, you could not say. Aegon's tongue encircling your clit, whilst Aemond massaged the sweet spots of your tender breast, you lost the power of your own consciousness, helpless against the actions of the Targaryen brothers.

"Say it, Princess. Say my name, just like that-"

"Aemond" You moaned again, obedient to the younger brother's stern words, that he growled against your ear, it naturally sent a thrill of shivers coursing down your spine. Instinctively, a visceral reaction to the electrifying licking of Aegon's tongue between your inner folds, often grazing over your clit, your hips thrust forward, as your back arched, craving for more.

The oozing remnants of your cum that escaped Aegon's eager, ravenous mouth, would drip through the gaps and crevices down your inner thighs. Traces smothering against Aegon's plump cheeks form the jerky movements the sprung between you two.

"Okay brother, she's ready when you are-" And without a minute to spare, as though the brothers miraculously communicated telepathically, they jumped into action. Aegon breathless, stood himself up from the bed, leaving his younger brother to finish his mess. He attended to himself, hastily wiping his mouth clean with his hand, licking your sweet aftertaste from his fingers, as though he'd just devoured a succulent roast, savouring the moment, as he seated himself by the vacant seat near the dim fireplace. Aemond on the other hand, now positioned himself swiftly over you, his tip hovering over your entrance, before easing himself in. You'd closely noticed he was not as thick as his brother, as you easily took his mass between your folds, he did not stretch you out as his eldest brother would, however his cock was long and veiny, able to bury himself deeper into you.

"Are you okay?" He uttered, his eye fleeting over your tender, flustered face. You hadn't realised the precise moment he'd removed the notorious black, leather eye patch, as now a sapphire gem glistened back at you, in replacement of his lost eye.

"Y-Yes, I'm okay."

Slowly, ever so carefully, Aemond began to pace his thrusts, adjusting to your walls naturally clenching around his cock, you were unaware of whether Aemond had previously laid with a woman or not, although he seemed knowledgable enough to know what was required of him and how it needed to be done...

"Fuck-" He lowly moaned, as he shut his eyes instinctively, gradually beginning to fasten his pace. Aegon was often sloppy and slow when it came to fucking you, occasionally when he was close to his climax did he manage to gather some speed, although being a larger man, his endurance was easily exhausted, and he required periods of rest. Otherwise, he much preferred you working for it.

Aemond on the other hand, was eager to gain momentum himself, rather him putting in the effort. His body began to weight itself down against the forces of gravity, shoving and readjusting himself between your legs. Your arms had instinctively wrapped around Aemond's back, clinging to his muscular shoulders, for steadiness. You took his readjusting as a sign to bend them further up, bringing your knees up forward, as many woman had advised you in private councils, this to be an effective method to successfully take a man's seed.

You ashamedly couldn't bring yourself to turn to face Aegon, uncertain if he watched on closely as his younger brother fucked himself inside his own wife, or if he dared not burn the image into his memory. Regardless, it was happening, and if he wanted to he could've stopped it in a heartbeat, although no protest came from his end.

"Ugh, fuck-" Aemond repeatedly uttered, his breathing more shallow and fast, his head now resting against the side of your head, his grip on your hip and the other behind the crook of your sweaty neck tightened naturally. You mustered all the possible strength and will power you could, to not moan in response to Aemond's penetration, your lips pressed and pursed tightly, against the feeling of his cock throbbing intensely from within, occasionally managing to hit your sweet spot. His long, platinum hair had been he'd tied back into a low ponytail, as to keep it away from irritating your face, although your fingers found their way towards the back of his scalp, eagerly tugging at its roots.

"I'm so fucking close-" He panted, before groaning audibly, you were certain Aegon heard... Almost a bashful look struck across his chiseled, sweaty face, as he failed to maintain eye contact with you, turning to look up towards the head of the bed. It made you blush to think that you were causing such a visceral, feral reaction from the younger Prince.

The feeling of his warm load coating your insides, caused a much anticipated exhale of breath to escape your moist mouth, leaving your chest to heave in exhaustion, as your tits jiggled with each breath. Aemond's remained inside for a few minutes, making sure you took all of his seed well enough, he took the moment to compose his breathing too, as his hands stretched out on each side, cowering over you.

"The deed is done, brother-" Aemond breathlessly, uttered, as now he removed himself from within you, standing himself up off the bed, whilst Aegon returned to your side.

Hastily, he grabbed a set of fluffed pillows, from the head of the bed, positioning them just below your hips and bottom, causing your lower body to incline.

"Stay like this baby, it will help let the seed travel through you." He'd also managed to gather a blanket for you, as he covered your naked self, seating himself by your side, as he prepared a wet cloth to wipe over your forehead.

Still slightly breathless, you couldn't help though feel the hot tears begin to swell and fall from your eyes, as you examined what you had assumed was a dejected look on Aegon's face. You felt immensely guilty, and had wished he had not witnessed what he'd witnessed.

"I-I'm so sorry Aegon, how could you ever look at me the same."

His brows furrowed in haste, saddened once more by your words, he edged himself closer towards you, shushing you easily like a babe.

"Don't you ever think that, Y/N. This was my plan, my decision. I need to know if I am truly the problem, and if so what is to be done. This had to happen baby, do not think otherwise... Be thankful, Aemond was a willing candidate, he will not speak a word of this rest assured."

You stifle your cries, as Aegon parallel wipes away your fallen tears, and the strands of mottled hair. Aemond in the meantime, remains quiet and reserved, occupied with redressing himself, perhaps he too, feels ashamed.

"You promise to stop the drinking, no more ale, or wine or beer. And that you'll see the maester for some cure or remedy?" You persist, as you reach to grab Aegon's hand in yours.

"I promise I will," Aegon utters, leaning down towards you as he plants a soft kiss on your warm forehead, exchanging soft smiles with one another.

You turn to face Aemond with a thankful look, although he immediately cowers his gaze towards the floor.

"Perhaps I should leave-" Aemond awkwardly suggests, his focus fleeting from his brother to you, only to return back towards the ground, the faint sounds of his feet shuffling anxiously.

"Aemond-" You stretch out a hand over towards the mattress, and hesitantly Aemond returns the favour, holding your hand in his.

"I, well- We both do genuinely appreciate you for doing this. I understand it's an unimaginable thing to ask of someone, especially the secrecy that is to come with it, but rest assured... If the Gods do bless me with a child, I shall be honoured for you to remain present in the babe's life."

Aemond slowly nods his head in agreement to your words, a shy smile forming over his handsome, young face as your grip of him tightens reassuringly.

"The honour was mine, that you both entrusted me with this responsibility. I would wish for nothing more than that, thank you, Y/N. Although, I trust you both shall make dutiful, happy parents, by the efforts you both have gone to... The babe shall be blessed with a loving family, indeed."

[dyns33]

Upon a dream

Dream x reader, being idiots, as always 

Morpheus was truly the best boyfriend in the world. Romantic, poetic, attentive, tender, passionate.

If he had been real, he would have been truly wonderful.

But unfortunately such a perfect man couldn't exist, and so it was normal that Y/N only met him in her dreams.

During one of her nocturnal wanderings, she had found herself in a huge library, his library, and even if he had been surprised to find her there, he had not chased her away, allowing her to explore, showing her the castle, chatting at length with her.

It had been a beautiful dream, which she thought she would quickly forget. But she had dreamed of him again the following night, then every other night.

She was trying to convince herself that it was no big deal.

Her life wasn't so terrible, she had her family, her friends, her job, her hobbies. There were plenty of people who remained celibate all their lives and were perfectly happy being alone in front of the television, eating ice cream and imagining an ideal lover who would visit them in their sleep.

Nothing special.

           "My love, you seem troubled tonight. Far from me. Are you alright ?"

           "Yes, Morpheus. Excuse me, I'm just tired." Y/N apologized with a smile, snuggling into his arms to forget her worries, and the fact that he wouldn't be there when she woke up.

           "Good. That's what I'm here for. You can rest in peace, I'm watching over you. What do you want to do, my love ? Lucienne would be happy to show you new books, Cain and Abel wish to tell new stories, Matthew asks for gossip from the waking world. We can also walk in the gardens, travel to the other side of the galaxy, or stay in bed. Tell me, my love, I am at your command."

           "You're adorable. Anything is fine with me, as long as we do it together."

           "My sweet." he whispered, kissing her.

As always, it was difficult for Y/N when she opened her eyes and found herself in her bedroom, alone, in her cold bed, just like when she went to sleep.

It was absurd, she repeated it to herself every time she was about to fall asleep, but a simple dream managed to make her feel things she had never felt in her entire existence. The human brain could really be fascinating. And dangerous.

Depressing.

Because even if she was terribly happy when she was with Morpheus, she was just as sad when she left him and returned to reality.

Several times, she had thought of talking to a doctor about it. To find a solution. But Y/N didn't really see what it was going to solve.

They were only going to tell her that she felt lonely, which she already knew, and that her dreams were trying to fill that void.

The only thing she could do was seek the company of real people when she was awake.

It was not easy.

If Y/N had been able to get a real boyfriend, she would have done it a long time ago.

And it was worse now, because no one could ever be as good as Morpheus. She was really in love with him.

In love with a dream, it was really depressing.

There was also this ridiculous idea in the back of her head, which kept telling her that it wouldn't be very proper to cheat on him. Even if he didn't exist.

He didn't exist. Morpheus didn't exist, he wasn't waiting for her in her dreams every night, he would never magically appear in front of her, and if he loved her, then he would understand that she was looking for someone to spend her life with.

After asking her friends for advice, one of them offered to introduce her to a charming man, with whom she could get along well. It was less risky than meeting a stranger, because they could tell he was a good person.

And if she didn't like him, it would be fine, she would find other suitors.

Désiré was indeed a charming man. Funny, kind, seductive. But during the whole evening they spent together, Y/N only thought of Morpheus.

When their hands touched at the end of the meal, she quickly pulled it away apologetically. He looked a little offended, but he didn't say anything, forcing a smile.

           "It seems to me that I am not up to it." he sighed when it was time to part ways. "I don't like to lose, but I know when I'm not... wanted. Which doesn't happen often. He's lucky. He doesn't deserve it."

           "... I don't understand what you are talking about."

           "Oh, darling. I think that's the part I find the funniest. He'll be pissed that we had dinner together, but I can't imagine his reaction at all when he finds out why we had dinner together. "

           "It's late, I have to go home."

           "You're right. Sweet dreams." he purred, throwing a kiss at her.

Y/N did not try to understand what Désiré had meant. No doubt he had drunk too much alcohol during the meal, and he had guessed that there was someone else in her heart.

Going to bed, she relaxed thinking that she was finally going to find Morpheus and his marvellous kingdom, after this long day.

The throne room was horribly empty and cold when she materialized there. Sitting on the steps of his huge staircase, Morpheus watched her with an impassive face.

           "How was my brother-sister ?"

           "... Your what ?"

           "Desire. You were with them all night. At first I thought I had to step in, that they were going to try to hurt you, but... Matthew told me you asked to have dinner with them. A "date". You asked your friends to find you a 'date', several 'dates'. So I'm not enough for you ? You don't love me anymore ? Are you making fun of me ?"

           "Morpheus." she sighed sadly. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything."

           "But not enough to be faithful."

           "Oh, I knew my mind would go to that ground, it's really not fair."

           "... Your mind ?" he repeated slowly.

           "Listen, I love you. But you're not real. It's just a dream. I can't wake up every morning to be reminded that this isn't true, that I'm alone, not loved, and the only times I feel some joy are during my sleep, with a being that my subconscious has invented. You are perfect, and the more time I spend with you, in this fabulous world, the more I cut myself of the real world. It's not healthy."

           “It is true that it is not good for mortals to live in the Dream. But that does not mean that it is not real. That we are not real. You... You really don't know who I am ? You really don't know it's not just a dream ? It's never just a dream."

           "Morpheus... Don't make me hope in vain."

           "I told you to go on dates in the waking world, boss. Just because you always say you exist doesn't mean the lady is going to believe it's true."

The little raven trembled a bit when his master looked at him, flying away to rest on Y/N's shoulder, where he would be safe, for the moment.

           "Maybe I should have listened to you, Matthew. But it's not too late. Desire also showed me that our love was strong, they couldn't do anything against it. I just have to make up for my mistake."

Slowly, Morpheus stood up, approaching Y/N, who didn't know what to make of this dream. It really wasn't like the other nights.

He caressed her cheek tenderly, before kissing her like every time she was going to have to leave soon.

           "When you wake up my love, I'll be there and you won't have any reason to be sad, or look for another partner."

           "Don't make me..."

           "This dream is over."

Jumping up in bed, Y/N first looked at the window, seeing that it was still dark. She then looked at the time, which made her sigh. It was still very late.

           "Good evening my love."

This time, in addition to jumping, she screamed, falling off her bed. Immediately, a man came running to her side, asking her if she was alright and helping her to sit on the mattress. He had the voice of Morpheus. And his face.

No, it was impossible.

           "Well done, boss. Subtle. She wasn't scared at all."

           "Silence, Matthew. My love, forgive me, I told you I would be here."

           "... I'm still dreaming ?"

           "No."

           "So this is it, I'm crazy."

           "You are not in my younger sister's domain, I can assure you. I should have explained a lot about myself to you more clearly, I should have visited you in the waking world earlier. We were so happy I was not thinking, as soon as you appeared in front of me I only wanted to be with you and I did not see that I was hurting you. I apologize. My love, I am Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, king of dreams and nightmares, prince of stories, and I am very real."

           "... You are real." she said softly, touching his face to make sure he really wasn't an illusion. He closed his eyes when her fingers touched his skin, turning to make them pass on his lips. "All this time, you've been real. And I almost dated another man. You must hate me."

           "I wasn't thrilled by this news, but there was a misunderstanding, so I forgive you, if you promise me never to do this again, and to stay away from Desire."

           "His name is Désiré, and okay."

           "Desire is my brother sister, my sibling. Another Endless. They wanted to have fun with you, at my expense, but your feelings were strong and sincere, preventing them from manipulating you, and proving to me that I had no reason to be jealous."

           "But you were still a little jealous."

           "No."

           "Boss." muttered the raven, poking its head out of its creator's cloak. "Boss, you're really bad with girls. You always have to say yes. Yes I'm jealous, but I trust you, I love you, I don't deserve you and I'll do anything to be worthy of..."

           "Thanks Matthew, you can go back to the Dreaming now."

           "I'm a good wingman, I think it's safer if I stay."

           "My love and I are together for the first time in the waking world, at night, in her room, on her bed."

           "... See you, boss ! Madam ! Be good !"

The raven disappeared back into the cloak. Morpheus waited a few moments, as if wanting to make sure he was gone, before laying sensually on top of her, suddenly looking a bit taller, his shadow enveloping the entire room as a sort of purr emanated from him. Y/N wondered if she was really awake.

           "So, my love, what do you want to do ?" he asked, as he asked her every night.

           "Hmm... I'm too tired to go out. It's a little late to read, watch a movie or even dance. So what could we do ?"

           "What, indeed ?"

           "Is the king of dreams sleeping ? Is he dreaming ?"

           "No, and no. But I think about you all the time, to the point that it interferes with my work. A lot of people often dreamed of you, because I wasn't concentrating enough."

           "Are you willing to sleep with me ? I mean, sleep sleep. I'm really tired. But if you're here tomorrow morning... You know."

           "It would be an honour for me to watch over you while you sleep. I already do it every night, but to hold you in my arms while you are asleep. It is the most beautiful proof of love and trust. Not many people realize that there is nothing more vulnerable than a sleeping being. Thank you for this gift, my love."

Smiling, Y/N snuggled up to him after being settled under the covers. She would have liked to listen to his heart before falling asleep, but obviously he had none. He didn't need it, he wasn't human.

They would talk about that later, and the consequences that implied.

But now she was tired, and happy that Morpheus was really there, in her bed.

           "Are you really not going to sleep ?"

           "No. I'm going to beg my father for the night to pass faster, so that it's morning and we… You know."

Y/N would also ask him about his strange family when she was better awake. In the meantime, she fell asleep peacefully in the arms of Morpheus, who sang her a lullaby while stroking her hair.

[tiredtogepi]

A Lady & Her Hounds

Chapter 1

The Hound x Fem!Reader (Jon Arryn's daughter; Sabrina)

This chapter contains: Fluff | Brat

Word count: 1146

*this is my first GOT fan fiction. There are many chapters with mostly fluff, some angst, and mature content ;) I hope that someone will read it and enjoy it*

Dogs have always fascinated you. The way they create bonds, love their humans, their loyalty, and friendliness. Being Jon Arryns daughter was not bad but, you felt left out most of the time since he married Lysa and their son was born. That's when the dogs came into your life. Some Lord from the north had offered puppies from his newest litter as a gift for your name day. Your father wasn't so happy about it, but he let you keep it so you could finally have some company. Initially, you had 3 dogs, but a few years later after contacting more breeders, you found yourself with a pack of 15 dogs.

You took your time to train them for protection during the conflict between the Mad King and Robert Baratheon. They obeyed you well, they looked out for you, but most of all they loved you, their loyalty was not questionable and they would give their life to save you. When the war was over your father was named hand of the king and you all moved to the Red Keep. You had begged your father to take at least some of your dogs but he wouldn't allow it. Luckily you were close enough to the working staff in The Eyrie to make sure they were well taken care of.

When you arrived at King’s Landing, King Robert made sure to have a feast in honor of the new hand and his family. He was a big man that had fought many battles and almost kept his intimidating factor intact, if it weren’t for the extra pounds he gained. What surprised you is that there were still knights protecting him.

During the feast the conversation around you was like some faded-out noise, but someone caught your attention. A tall man with a half-burned face and intense brown eyes. It was interesting to look at him, especially because of some slight facial expressions he made out of distaste for the conversations around, just like you.

"Ha! Lady Sabrina, I know about your interests in dogs but I didn't realize this one would interest you too!" Robert pointed at the man he was able to catch you staring at.

You blushed as that man at glanced at you.

"Pardon, your grace, I was lost in my thoughts." You gave a quick answer trying to avoid more embarrassment.

"No need for apologies. Sandor Clegane is a tough-looking man, our Hound!" The drunk king was getting more excited by the second. "Tell me Lady Sabrina, if we put your hounds and my hound in the arena against each other, which one would take the win?" He laughed and started choking on his own wine.

"I don't think any hound deserves to be put in that situation. I find it very distasteful, your grace." You stood up and bowed to the king while he laughed at your audacity.

"Are you leaving us already?" Robert inquired

"Yes, your grace. I am unwell, maybe I had too much wine." You were already slowly stepping away.

"Would you like to see the master?" your father asked, he always worried about your health, since your mother passed away from a terrible and silent disease, so any little symptom you had he would take it very seriously.

"No, thank you father, I will go get some books at the maester's library. If I need assistance I will call for it." You bowed lightly and as you turned your back the king spoke

"Clegane, accompany the lady to her chambers. She had a little much to drink and might need some help"

You rolled your eyes as you walked out and heard footsteps coming towards you. This is what you hated about this place. Too many people telling you what to do, keeping an eye on you, and always so many rules on what you can and can't do.

As you went to turn into the next hallway to the library Clegane stepped in front of you. You tried to go around him but he kept blocking your way.

"The king said to take you to your chambers." His tone was serious.

"Maybe you misheard it, but I need to get some books first." You tried to move away from him. He ignored you and kept blocking your way.

You tried to keep yourself composed since you had much anger and frustration stored inside you since coming to the king's landing. You took a big breath trying for the last time to be polite.

"Ser.."

"I'm no Ser."

"Seven hells! Let me go get my fucking books!" Maybe it was the alcohol that gave you the courage to raise your voice and push him out of the way, even though he didn't move an inch.

Apparently, that was amusing enough for him to let you go while he subtly smirked. You finally reached the maesters' library. The Hound stood by the entrance. You took a book, then another, then as you went to get the third book you had an idea.

"Ahem!" You cleared your throat to get his attention. He looked at you as you repeatedly looked down at the heavy books on your arms and up at him.

He scoffed and took your books.

''Wait, there's more!" You said it innocently as he turned around and you decided to find 2 of the heaviest books on forestry and wildlife and put it on top of the pile he was already carrying. He grunted.

"We can go now!" You said innocently, knowing you were being a brat. Honestly alcohol didn’t give you the best ideas.

As you found yourself by your chamber door, Clegane leaned down to hand you the books. You stepped away, opening the door to your room.

"Could you place them inside on that little table?" This time you weren't trying to be inconvenient, but there was no way you could carry all that weight.

Clegane tried to hide his annoyance. He thought you were just another spoiled highborn like Joffrey or Cersei. He placed the books on the table aggressively. You tried to walk around the table to accompany him to the door, but you tripped on one of your book piles on the floor and fell with your face on the big man's chest. He didn't move, you put your hands on his chest to get back on your feet.

"Pardon me...I think I've had too much to drink." You mumbled. He looked down to stare at you making sure you didn't get hurt on his armor. You blushed and looked away as he started to leave.

"Why do they call you The Hound?" You asked as he was almost by the door. He stopped and didn't turn around.

"Why do you care?" He grunted.

"What should I call you then?"

"Don't call me." He replied as he walked away.

[skyrim-forever]

Yo Eve, my darling, give me a moon for the fall themed asks. Share all your secrets with me. <3

Hello Winter my queen <3 I would be glad to answer this!

🌙 moon: do any of your OCs have dark backstories or secrets they’re trying to keep?

This is going to be for Theodora as she is by far my most fleshed out oc.

Oh boy, so to start, Theo's parents were a pirate, her father Ricardo Viticius and a noblewoman Kassandra Ves. Her mom ended up running away with her dad when they fell in love, getting disowned from her family and breaking off her semi-arranged marriage. Her father had spent his life before meeting her as thief and eventually becoming a pirate, particularly raided slavers ships along the Coast of Morrowind and Black Marsh.

Theo was born off the coast of Senchal in 4E 177 26 Last Seed. Around two years later her mom goes overboard during a storm in Abeacan Sea. Theo does not remember anything about her and she finds even talking about her uncomfortable. Other women who try to be mother-figures to her cause her to lash out at them.

Ricardo never fully recovers but he is determined to be a parent as he never knew his own father. He decides to move permanently back to Anvil, the city he grew up in. Since the war destroyed the city, the East Empire Company has invested and made the city sort of a company town. Ricardo sees how their greed harms the city and how only the higher level officials have any measure of a good life; this causes him to focus his criminal enterprise against them. So Theo grows up with the backdrop of crime war. A lot of her youth was spent learning to fight and prepping to take over her father's work. Although some would say this was no life for a child, she thinks very highly of her dad. He kept her away from the very dangerous stuff, but he respected her and taught her many things about all of Tamriel due to his extensive travels.

Things come to ahead when mercenaries hired by the company head succeed in killing him, her uncle Elo Man-llu (uncle Elo is highkey my fav, iconic dunmer), and many of the crew. Theo is around 14 when this happens and she chooses to live with her friend Phy in Valenwood as they are very close and she's visited her often. They stay there until 18 when they leave for the Imperial City to try to make money and get revenge on the man who killed her family. Due to her father's criminal past (as well as him being a Great War draft dodger :P), her inheritance is seized by the Empire. She joins the Thieves Guild and becomes an Arena fighter in an attempt to gain fortune. Eventually she joins the Legion in Skyrim due to a bargain. The Empire gets the Dragonborn's service in exchange for clearing her father's name and her inheritance.

From ages 16-27, she heavily copes using alcohol, sex, fighting, and occasionally drugs (though that's more of Phy's thing). Most of it is coping with losing her father and uncle, the two people she looked up to the most, but there is also a lot of coping with the fact she's never had a mother and much of her childhood was surrounded by violence and tension. It's sort of a numbing the pain problem. She also has a tendency towards men who are terrible which include, but aren't limited to; a skooma smuggler, a Morag Tong assassin, and a married local official who funds her arena career! This gets a bit better once she starts doing Dragonborn duties mostly because she has less time to self-destruct. Originally she ran from it, only after the events of Dawnguard does she accept it and allow it to give her purpose. Though the newfound fame and expectations become difficult.

And the biggets secret she is trying to keep is orginally that she's sleeping with a Thalmor agent, and then that she's in love with said agent :P

Sorry for writing you a novel! Thank you so much for asking this question! There's a lot of thought put into her that I don't get to explore in fic because the Ondolemar brainworms haha. I just like them so much together you know :P

[archduchessofnowhere]

It was the morning of January 30th, a gloomy winter day, the sky being overcast, and snowflakes drifting across the window-panes. I had my singinglesson from the wife of Professor Niklas-Kempner, at ten in the morning as usual (...) When, shortly before, I had returned from the south, I had once again been struck by the change in the Crown Prince, and this time more strongly than ever. He was rarely sober; did not get home to the Hofburg Palace until dawn; and as for the company he kept, the less said about it the better. His restlessness and nervous irritability had become intensified, He spoke menacingly of horrible things, and, in my very presence, would cruelly toy with the revolver he always carried about with him. Indeed, I had become afraid to be alone with him. Still, summoning all my strength of mind to aid me, I went on trying to hide from others’ inquisitive gaze the complete failure of our marriage. On the particular morning of which I now write, the entrance of my chief lady-in-waiting interrupted the singing lesson, and the gloomy trains of thought which were interspersed with it. Her aspect was unusually serious and reserved when she begged me to give her a few minutes in private. She had, she said, an important communication to make to me. I went with her into the adjoining room, and looked at her while, in words hesitant and trembling, she began to talk about bad news from Mayerling. I realized instantly that the catastrophe I had so long dreaded must have taken place. “He is dead!” I cried. Sorrowfully she nodded her head in the affirmative. He was dead; he had fulfilled his dreadful threat, and had put an end to his disordered life. Such was the insufferable climax to all I had suffered, seen, and heard during the last few weeks. I trembled with excitement and terror. Then I begged my informant to tell me, in detail, what had happened; but, as yet, she knew nothing more than the bare facts of the suicide. Soon I was summoned to the Emperor [Franz Josef] and the Empress [Elisabeth]. Accompanied by my chief lady-in-waiting, I went to the private Imperial apartments. The Emperor was seated in the middle of the room, the Empress, dressed in black, her face pale and rigid, was standing beside him, In my shattered condition I believed that they looked on me asa criminal. They assailed me with a cross-fire of questions some of which I could not, and others would not, answer. At length the Empress made up her mind to tell me the whole truth. The most horrible thing had happened which could befall a wife. At Mayerling, early in the morning, the Crown Prince had been found in bed, with his brains blown out, and beside him the corpse of a woman who had also been shot— Mary Vetsera.

Count Joseph Hoyos, one of the Crown Prince’s guests at the shoot, summoned early in the morning by the groom of the chambers, who could get no answer to his knocking at the door of the Crown Prince’s bedroom, had forced an entry and had seen the two dead bodies. Hoyos had made all possible speed to Vienna, and had conveyed the terrible news to Rudolf’s chief chamberlain. It was decided to tell her Majesty the Empress before any one else; the companion and secretary, Fraulein von Ferenczy, being charged with this painful commission. The Empress went at once to the Emperor. The agony of this hour was borne by the parents alone, without any witness of their grief.

Only after that was it decided to acquaint Rudolf’s widow with what had happened. I sat between their Majesties while what I heard and suffered inflicted on me incurable wounds. At length I ventured to tell the Empress what, weeks before, I had tried to say to the Emperor. I spoke of Rudolf’s manner of life, his habits and customs, his associates, how completely his health had been disordered. The Empress, however, stubbornly closed her mind against these communications, and it was an additional distress to me to feel that she was turning away from me. In her eyes I was the guilty party. Though outwardly I remained calm, inwardly I was in a state of collapse.

Princess Stephanie of Belgium (1937). I was to be empress

[firawren]

1, 4, 18, 39!

Ooh thanks so much for all the questions!

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I feel more drawn to and comfortable writing one-shots. Writing multi-chaptered fics is a lot more frustrating, but on the flip side, they come with a big dose of satisfaction when you figure out how to make all the pieces work together.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

I think most of my new ideas come from random conversations I have with people on Discord or Tumblr, funnily enough! I also get inspired by other things I read, including both fan fiction and published novels, and sometimes by things I watch.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

Almost always after, at the last possible moment, because I hate it and suck at it. I usually list out key words, phrases, and themes from the fic, and then I see if I can turn any of them into a compelling title. I have used song lyrics as titles a few times, but that's not my norm.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

This is from a fluffy one-shot that takes place post-canon in Pride and Prejudice, and imagines if Jane Austen herself and her books existed in that universe. Elizabeth has been telling Darcy about a new book she is reading titled Sense and Sensibility.

---

“Returning to my book, I do find the title quite charming, don’t you think? It made me think, if this lady were to write a novel about our story, what do you think it would be called?”

“I believe we must first determine what ‘our story’ refers to. Do you mean our current life as a married couple, or our courtship?”

“Oh! our courtship would make a much better story, don’t you agree? Everyone would rather read about two people falling in love than two people who are already married. Can you imagine anyone wanting to read a story about what we are doing right now, having tea and discussing books? How terribly dull.”

“My company is dull, is it?” he asked with the hint of a smile.

“I do not find it so, but there is quite a difference between experiencing something and having to only read about it.”

“Then returning to the original question of the title of our courtship story, one similar to Sense and Sensibility, I would say, Wit and…”

“Wisdom,” Elizabeth finished.

“You flatter me, but I hardly think my behavior to you before we were married could be called wise.”

Elizabeth laughed. “True. Nor would mine. We neither of us would appear to much advantage at that time. What about Blindness and…”

“Beauty,” Darcy finished.

Elizabeth smiled, shaking her head. “The idea is that one word should apply to me and one to you, not both to me.”

“You are not blindness, only beauty. I am blindness,” Darcy explained.

“You! To what were you blind?”

“To your lack of affection for me, to my pride, and to Jane’s true affection for Bingley.”

“I think the word much more apt for describing me. I was blind to your goodness and your love for me. Remember how I did not even realize you were purposely trying to spend time with me when you kept meeting me during my walks at Hunsford?”

----

Thanks again for the ask! It's always fun to get to talk about my writing.

[irrlicht-writes]

Hello, first of all, I love your writing, I wish I could write like you ;u;, I really admire your dedication. I used to write on AO3, but I haven't done it for 5 years.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my opinion that, Vox doesn't deserve to be with Alastor because he is not a good partner for him. He always claims that he loves Alastor with all his heart, but it seems superficial, and here are my point

1. Vox almost abused Alastor in *Etched* if it weren’t for Alastor ripping his cables out. Maybe he would have succeeded.

2. Vox never sacrifices anything for Alastor. Even though Alastor doesn’t admit that "he loves him," he always gives him everything and sacrificed even his heart for him. And Vox didn’t even bother to defend him, nor did he care to believe him. He’s too selfish and delusional to admit any fault. I feel like he's the kind of person who feels guilty but believes that feeling bad is enough. He has never apologized to Alastor face to face while he's awake.

3. He never apologized for cheating on him with Elliot, Valentino, or Tornado.

4. He keeps being an idiot and supporting Redfall BOTH TIMES. My theory is that Redfall reminds him of how he was when he was alive, so he normalizes and justifies this type of person.

5. He left Alastor starving at his house and decided to ignore him, trying to convince himself that Alastor doesn’t love him, even though he kept his damn company. And then he abandons him again because obviously, his company is more important than Alastor.

6. VOX GOT A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RECIPROCITY, AND ALASTOR TRUSTED HIM ONCE IN HIS LIFE, AND VOX JUST... ruined it.

7. He didn’t wear the ring Alastor gave him, and from what I’ve seen, as long as he’s satisfied and nothing happens in front of him, he doesn’t care about Alastor’s well-being. Then he did the "r-word" to Alastor (I’m not comfortable saying it) MULTIPLE TIMES (although I could somewhat understand it because he swore there was consent, but still, I don’t justify it). And he didn’t apologize either. He only realized something was wrong during the abortion scene (my theory is that in Alastor’s hallucinations, he was afraid the baby was Redfall’s). Anyway, THAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR VOX TO REALIZE, and still the only one suffering is Alastor

I'm not saying it's poorly written, because it’s established that Vox is a bad person—with his ex-partners, with other people, harassing girls from what he talked about with Redfall, and being a coward, of course he is a terrible person. And if Alastor has never turned to him for help or much else, and still hasn't bothered to tell him what the hell happened in those 7 years he disappeared, it’s just that it bothers me that, as a character, Vox always claims to love Alastor, but never follows through with actions after those declarations. Maybe Alastor is better off without Vox. .

Hi! Thank you, I really appreciate it! You should get back into writing, it doesn't have to be good! I certainly cringe reading my old stuff. This is honestly the longest and most consistent I've been in years.

True, if Alastor hadn't stopped Vox, who knows what would've happened? It's possible Vox would've stopped on his own, but I think it'd be mre likely he would've gone too far before realising that Al doesn't actually *do* this.

Alastor is probably the one thing that Vox really truly cares about, and so is: he fucks up. A lot. He doesn't want to do anything wrong, and in so doing, he just makes it worse. Also Vox is usually with people that are very straight forward with what they want (like Val) so having someone like Al who just won't say what he wants, Vox is usually at a loss for what to do. Not that that justifies his behaviour, he should be able to pick up context clues :p

I'm impressed you remember Tornado... my little shark... rip him in pieces. Also, I don't think Vox *really* counts it as cheating. Val happened while Alastor was away, Elliot was technically assisted cheating and they had a fight (sort of) so Vox was justified. And Tornado; well, I guess you could say Vox wasn't sure if he and Al were in a relationship or not? And then you'd need to define what cheating would even entail because even if it might sound different, Alastor doesn't care if Vox has sex with Val. He cares whether or not Vox loves someone else, and those are two different things.

Yeah, Redfall def reminds him of himself a little. He ahould've taken Alastor's initial reaction to heart and kick the dog out, but he didn't.

To be a bit fair: Vox didn't think it would be so bad. All his life, Al had been this pretty untouchable thing that was just always going to be fine. The first month was put of his hand, and the second month was him being petty. And barren Elliot, when they had their fight, Alastor *was* fine.

Yeah.. yeah, he ruined it. But as always - Alastor will just forgive him.

Vox didn't wear the ring because he doesn't have it on his person. It's back at the tower, and Vox didn't want to go back to get it at that point, especially because Redfall came in right after. He didn't wear it beforehand because he was't sure if it was okay to do so, even though Al gave it to him. (Also it's a bit too tight because Al only had his own finger for comparison) To Vox, it really wasn't assault. Sure, he absolutely should've checked if Al was really okay, but all the signs he could see pointed to yes. Also in that timeframe, he believes that what Redfall did wasn't *so bad*. Sure it wasn't okay, but as an singular action existing in a vacuum, it wasn't the worst that could've happened. (He's wrong, of course, as Niffty basically tells him point-blank.) And yes, that's exactly what Alastor is believing in that scene :)

To be fair... Alastor hasn't talked about what happened in the seven years because... I don't know what happened? :P I like to stay as on-canon as I can, and we have no crumbs to go on atm. And I mean - that's why love isn't enough. He says he loves him, and he DOES, but there's nothing else. There's just love, and that's just not enough. Yeah, Alastor might be better off without Vox. But that's not really the thing that's gonna matter, is it? We don't always get what's best for us; or what we deserve, sometimes we get the thing we want, even if it's bad for us. And Alastor knows what he wants, and not much else will suffice. Vox might not redeem himself to Alastor, because in the end, the one person that matters won't ask it of him. He still can; and he still should, but he won't have to. We'll see what happens. Everything's still up in the air, and maybe Vox and Alastor will surprise all of us! :D

[kit-williams]

Warhammer 40k & D&D AU

Na na na na na na na na na Konrad Curze! Nearly forgot to do him tonight! Unlike the initial post this might not be as rambly but oh boy might have a longer NSFW section The reason why his section will be long is because of his son. His son is rather well adjusted so Konrad had to go through a lot more to be able to actually have a well adjusted son. (Well adjusted enough for an assassin/rogue)

Konrad was not exactly happy to be there, with him wanting his vindication n all.

Basically was forced to come to terms with a whole lot of things. And both he and Sanguinius could no longer see their deaths; they could still see bits of the future however Konrad was forced to accept that it was far more in flux in this land given how many gods could meddle in affairs and even bring others back from the dead.

With the journey to fix Angron's butchers nails a lot of it was forced therapy for Konrad

He was very much the murder hobo of the group; and the first one to jump to murder to solve their problems (Angron to an extent until his butcher's nails got removed and then it was a lot more therapy for Konrad)

Corvus Corax and him actually decided to continue some business with one of the larger rebel groups; and Corvus dragging Konrad along allowed the rest of the brothers to split up as they felt like if someone wasn't watching/interacting with Konrad he would revert

To a point he did start to revert without all of his brothers around until his wife came around

Corvus kept having to stress to Konrad how they were trying to lay low and while it wasn't the best place for them he couldn't just kill everyone in the slums. They started to have a clash of ideals as Corvus knew in the long term he could help while Konrad wanted to deal with a lot of the short term problems al la Night Lord style.

During one of these ideal clashes he left to 'get some air' murder someone and this is when he would run into his future wife either named Vivian or Gloria.

She looked mostly dead in the alleyway; having upset her 'handler' and Konrad scared him off really close to killing him. But this is when Konrad caught a glimpse of the future; it wasn't sight based but he felt so warm... a warmth in his chest and a feeling he never fully felt before and wouldn't if he chased down the man instead of helping the woman.

Besides, he told himself, he could always enjoy the hunt later.

She was a mess and instead of being grateful for Konrad helping her she told him 'You saved my life so now I'm your problem. If you don't like it than kill me.' She was a very sad bean who truly had begun to believe the horrible things her handler was telling her and at the point of meeting Konrad she was convinced that the gods wanted her dead and Konrad would find out why.

They talked while she was healing; Konrad has utterly terrible bedside manners and was keeping her company until she took her life. He had caught a glimpse and at this point had returned to his apathetic idea of that the death was set in stone.

'Would you like to watch the sunrise with me one more time' She spoke softly They stood together at the top of the cathedral. As she danced at the edge of the ledge. Konrad was confused how this would lead him back to that warm feeling... he craved it but he just watched her. Sigh out as as the sun finally started to rise and she just looked back at Konrad with a smile. 'Thank you for the kindness... something this whore did not deserve but I appreciated it.' It was in that moment he felt the warmth rush over him as she just smiled without any other intentions behind it. Konrad could feel the way one of his hearts stuck itself in his throat as her feet finally tripped over one another. Her golden hair dancing around her face as there was a moment in her eyes that she caught his own with a moment of regret. She didn't get very far in her descent before her face was pressed against a wall of flesh hearing a heart pound in her ear. She looked up at him. His black eyes looking down at her and he seemed to know what she was going to say, 'I have a lot of problems... one more isn't going to kill me.'

This has led to Konrad having an unhealthy codependency with his wife but it manifests very differently in the sense that he basically took her saying that she was his problem to mean her life. He ultimately will dictate when she can die; so it manifests in the fact that he has spent a lot of gold and also getting in Magnus' good graces for some resurrection rings. He will not let her die without his permission

She doesn't judge her husband's tastes with her being a whore she has a very open idea about sexuality in the sense that she rather be his victim verses someone who wouldn't know how to handle him

Him being allowed to explore himself with her is very healthy and actually keeps him happy

Was terrified to be a father as he really didn't have much positive influences around him and he didn't really shy away from what he was really made for (killing)

Currently have one son Talos Curze

Had a vision when he was thinking of names and the visions he got from naming him Jago were slick with blood; he doesn't understand why the visions he got were tied to a name but Talos he saw a son who knew what hardship was and yet all he saw was the biggest smiles on his face and those around him.

Surprisingly good father, and one of the last of his brothers to start a family.

Unashamedly asked his brothers how to be a good dad

Calls his son 'The Prince of Bats' as the title 'Soul hunter' and 'Prince of Crows' is already taken and Corvus' daughter goes by the nickname the 'Princess of Crows'

Still works with Corvus which is how Talos got into being an assassin

Enjoys killing with his son; saw teaching Talos how to flay a person live as a bonding experience

Sure he might be "better" but his wife also encouraged him to embrace who he was for good and bad, so he embraces that he enjoys killing and suffering and even more so when his little wifey takes part in luring out targets for him to kill

~NSFW~

Primal Play/Predator Prey; she is his bunny when he gets into these moods. He will give her 10 minutes to try to hide from him and then usually he will drag her into a dark alleyway

CNC/dubcon; one of his more darker urges but as stated before he is allowed to explore them safely with her

Marking; Biting clawing etc. She has his personal insignia on her upper back that he would give to his personal serfs though hers is slightly different given her status of being more than just a serf

Breeding; It stems from him not really knowing how else to show her that he loves her besides them having a piece of physical proof of his devotion to her; but because of the herbs she was forced to take during her time as a whore it has made conceiving hard. But that's okay it just means he can love her longer

Exhibitionism; This is the same man who was known to just walk around naked he really has no problem in just either being caught or starting something in public/being walked in on

My man is somewhere between a Yandere and a Kichidere and yet is 100% confident in his ability to keep her safe that it doesn't really show up until she get's touched or is about to get hurt and then there is a corpse missing all of it's skin. These tendencies only show up when she is in danger or when he is in a mood otherwise he can be very relaxed (reference back to the idea that he won't let her die without his permission so its safe to say he is very obsessed with his wife but because he is a Primarch and long lived it manifests differently)

Top leaning switch?/Service Dom?/Pleasure Dom? (I'm getting back into writing smut so these might be correct terms)

There is probably more but those can be explored later

[greypetrel]

Hey c:

💐 for Alyra

🌻 and 🌾 for Raina

🌹 for Aisling

Hey there! :3

Another letter for 🌾, a couple of days after the Gallows.

And for Aisling... The concept of "home" is the core of her character so I'm sorry it'll be longer than necessary, oops! xD

Tis the ask game

Alyra:

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

Alyra takes it rationally. She's the perfect patient until she recognises she is sick or wounded. No point in dragging yourself up and about if your brain can't think straight from a fever and you're just there shivering, just to hinder the others. She stay put and rest until she's better and functional again. She won't be happy about it and will act grumpily for the inconvenience and the loss of time being sick nonetheless. Back in the clan it was Merrill keeping her company and chatting away not to make her feel alone. During the Blight it's Morrigan. She has... A rocky relationship with Wynne, will trust her greatly as a healer and her help is welcomed. But at the first note of a big speech over morality or what she should do, she will groan and fake to be very tired and wanting to sleep just to avoid it. Morrigan has her hedge ways to heal and is nice company to have around if you're grumpy.

Raina:

🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?

In people what she notices and likes most is personal coherence and how one stands up for what they believe in. She fell head over heels for Merril in Sundermount, when she confronted the Keeper and stood her ground even if it meant losing her family (which is something that would destroy Raina). Even in the little things: if you go around saying that you believe in kindness, she will notice and appreciate you stopping to pet a stray dog or give him a treat. As for things... She likes flowers growing in the most unlikely places. Dandelions sprouting from a crevice in a wall in Lowtown, she will always, always stop to blow the white puffy ones away. Pots with flowers in Darktown that are just there, apparently abandoned. Weeds creeping in in an unkept garden, or holly growing over an old oak. She's butch and will act thought and uncaring, she's the hugest softie inside.

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them

Dear Kitten,

I’m leaving this here because I know you would need it.

I know you’re both safe in the Alienage, that no one would look for you there. Varric has thankfully kept you out of his books, and for once I’m happy he only included me as the love interest. I can’t but worry about the both of you, tho.

I’m not off yet, and I’m writing these words as the last things, as the crew sets up the ship and finish storing the larder, in the dull moments. They are so much duller without the both of you around, I really wished the next time I would have sailed off I would have you both at my side.

Such are the things of life, I know why you are deciding to stay, and I know why R. did. It is not a farewell but a goodbye, forgive me for being clingy when I didn’t think I could be.

Take care of each other when I won’t be around, please. I know that from the exterior it would look like the one that will need help the most is R. -as much as she tries to shrug everything off and act like she glides through life easily, with a joke and a smile, like nothing really matters, we both know better. And she will need help, by all means. Particularly now that G. is with me. I saw that look in her eyes and I know that she was affected by what happened and what she did, and will surely take the blame of everything. She’s caring that way.

Please, keep an eye on her and hold her for my sake.

And since you’re there, take good care of yourself as well, always for me. I know R. will do it (and yes I am writing to her as well, I’m sure you will read that letter too anyway, there’s no privacy with you both around and seriously you should not allow R. to borrow your toothbrush I see my fair share of scurvy and teeth ailments and you don’t want them). But anyway, I already miss you and I digress.

Take care of yourself as well for me, will you? Take care of you both. I’m leaving you with both halves of my heart and I expect the two of you to treat them exceedingly well.

Dareth shiral to you as well, my heart.

Love, - Bela

Aisling:

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

"Home" to her means not a place but a feeling. That feeling you have when you know you can be your weirdest, silliest self and not be mocked for it, when you can talk and you will be listened, when you can freely be sad or angry or happy and it's ok. Home is people. Home was Keeper Deshanna and Pavyn and Radha, home had been Ydun. Home is the nook in the library with Dorian, both sitting on the ground with books and papers scattered around and Aisling crawling in to hug him just because he's owed many, many hugs, and him letting her do it. Home is slipping in Cullen's office when she's the one that really needs a hug, or waiting to be the last ones in the War Room just to steal a couple of minutes with him and feel loved. Home is Skyhold because there are many people she loves, there, and the fortress likes her. Home will be the farm after Trespasser, because she and Cullen renewed it with love and put hopes and emotion into it. And they could do it again if the building burned down, because Home is what they make, not anything material. Home has been animals, and spending time with them. There's something extremely soothing, to her, about gaining an animal's trust, that always makes you feel at home. Sure, you can approach domestic animals by offering them food and pet an halla if you bring them an apple! But there's a big difference between an animal approaching you for a treat and one that gives you their friendship and trust. That trust is home, what never fails to bring her joy in a rainy day and make her feel at peace with the world. An animal who trusts you doesn't have any second meanings, they just learnt to take joy in your company... and you can't be that bad of a person if a skittish horse allows you to curl up against his side and take a nap without kicking you in your head, right?

[fuwaprince]

I'm in a terribly dark place after coming home. Sad and tired. Angry. I'm sorry for speaking about my life again. I wish I could post without bothering anybody

I went out last night with the same old dude for a cig run. I thanked him for making time for me and gave him some of the frosted brownies that my stomach couldn't handle eating. I wanted to make it as worth it for him as possible since I know people's help is usually conditional. The brownie offering wasn't enough for him. He wanted more.

I had already been crying all day and night and just wanted to leave the house for a break. Just wanted something to change since I was basically rotting away in bed. I didn't want to be alone anymore. Anybody's company would do. I reach out online often for strangers that want to meet for a once time distraction.

When I make it to the gas station, I get two sodas. One for me and one for him. The girl cleaning the drink machines who is also the girl working the register was so sleepy and exhausted that I had to help her check out my items. She looked at me like she was struggling and she could clearly see the struggle that I was going through by looking at my face. I told her, "enjoy the rest of your shift" and she told me that she really appreciates that and to have a safe night. Seeing her was the best part of my whole damn day honestly. She kept apologizing for being tired and I just kept saying "no, thank you for everything you do", "thank you for working", "thank you for being here". It meant something to hear her wish me safety.

I go back to the guy's car and we drive to some empty lot so that I can smoke a cig. He kept relentlessly trying to force me to touch him, as per usual, by guiding me with his hands and pulling me into him while I'm standing. It was so annoying and forceful. I kept saying no angrily, stepping away and dancing around him with my lit cig to avoid being touched... After a long fucking time and many failed attempts at trying to force me, it was enough to get him to stop. Glad that I didn't play the role he had in mind but I don't enjoy the consequences either.

I thought about my ex who is the only other person irl who sometimes gives me rides. One time he dropped me off and told me things like "I COULD be like them" "I COULD take advantage of you" as if he's doing me a favor by not. Thanks ex of mine, that's so sweet of you to not violate me!

Guy who just got rejected again cried a bunch next to me and mumbled shit under his breath for the rest of the night. Said maybe he should leave then which reminds me of the time he suggested that he should care less because I didn't let him touch me during a car ride that I asked for in the middle of the night.

He gives backhanded ass comments all night long about how maybe I'll finally do something for myself and work harder to live the life most privileged people such as himself just get born into. He tried randomly bringing up how he saw screenshots of texts I sent to my mom that weren't very kind. I'm not sure why. He just wanted to spite me for not complying.

PS I would say that shit to her face in front of anybody and everybody. I would post it on my blog. I don't give a fuck. I don't take any of it back. She failed as a mother of two. She abused a dog to death. She failed to protect me, denied me a relationship with my birth dad and his whole family, lied that her most recent husband was my father and let him abuse me all my fucking life. She didn't even tell me my race out of shame and groomed me to hate "Spanish" people (she's too afraid to say Mexican, idk why). I would've never found out if I wasn't so damn persistent to find out why her stories don't add up. She sabotaged the benefits I was depending on in hopes I starved to death. Literally. Fuck her. When I called her crying that my ex had broken my bones and left me with a bloody face, she told me I was a liar and made sure to tell everyone else I was a liar too (despite my ex OPENLY ADMITTING TO BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS ME. I had to beg him to tell them it was true. She and her friend's whole family still call me a liar). She denied me being raped as a child. She acted like me calling CPS would ruin the family the day I threatened to without really knowing what CPS was. Her husband was going to choke me if I didn't. My mom has done FUCKED UP SHIT. FORCED ME TO LIE AND PRETENDED HER DENTURES BROKE TO GET MONEY FROM HER FAMILY MEMBERS SO SHE COULD FUEL A GAMBLING ADDICTION INSTEAD OF USING IT TO PAY FOR US TO HAVE MORE THAN JUST EGGS AND RICERONI DURING THE 2008 RECESSION. She forged my signature to move me schools when I gained the courage to tell a counselor at my highschool about the abuse when I was a freshman. She told me I was a liar and that I never got raped after the doctor whispered to her during an appointment that my fucking child hymen was broken and asked if she knew why. She told me to lie for her and to protect her husband so that he would still pay for the house he would eventually kick me out of. She said they'd take my brother and I and split us apart into different foster homes if I did and I would never see him again. She threw belts at me on my birthday. She took a whole rack of belts that her husband had in the closet and angrily threw them on top of my crying body on my 18th birthday. She said "you want to hang yourself? Here! Hope this helps!". She left me waiting after school until 9pm regularly. Telling me not to come home even though it was only across the bridge and down a few easily walkable streets. She told me I would get raped if I did. She'd ignore my calls from the payphone because I didn't have a phone growing up. She told me it was because I didn't deserve one and I would use it to talk crap about her. She said that's the same reason she didn't give me braces "why would I fix your ugly teeth? You use them to talk shit about me". She threw knives at me and my little bro when I was 7. She would tear down the whole house, pack it into a box and LEAVE without telling anybody where for so long. My brother and I would cry. And if we went to our grandma's house or knocked on the neighbor's door, we would get punished for "bringing our problems to other people". My mom has done horribly fucked up shit. She would attack me and rip apart all my belongings. All the art I was proudly posting on my empty walls. She'd destroy whatever I put up in her routine attacks. Then she would leave me crying to clean her mess after unplugging the home phones and leaving. I was too young to figure out why they wouldn't work and I remember being so desperate to call my elementary school friends for help. When I told them what happened, she would tell them that I was a liar seeking attention and not to listen to me. When I told people I was suicidal, she told them I was spoiled and fine because I had both my parents (I didn't). I didn't have lights in my bedroom until I was in my senior year of highschool. When I lost my baby, she said God punished me because I'm bad.

He asked if I would share a place with him again and I told him it's polite to offer but no because I don't want to commit suicide from being mistreated in another shitty home situation where if I don't abide by people's every command, they kick me out on my ass... Which is exactly what would happen. I'm not trying to be owned, trapped as a sex slave and threatened to be thrown back onto the streets if I don't play the role he casts onto me. I don't consent to it. Not gonna happen. People who don't understand the situation will tell me that I'm choosing to be miserable by not accepting his offer. People like his mother will say I'm a "bad woman" for not just marrying her entitled brat. That's who she is. She lies to people saying I threaten her and that I'm crazy nowadays. She tried showing off some screenshots of texts that I sent her. I hope anybody who judges me based on a few angry texts know that they're part of the problem.

I'm back home now. I don't want to exist. I don't want to be. I really wish somebody would smoke me out so that I can pass out in bed and hopefully not wake up crying tomorrow morning. I'm coping how I can. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to be here. I'm so desperate to escape my situation but all my opportunities to leave are actually just worse options. I wish I had SOMEBODY here who actually wanted good for me. I feel like I don't have anyone.

Thank you again for following my shitty life story. I'm sorry for being so sad. Things aren't fine. I just want life to be okay