#he has more self control than me
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Watched Love Mechanics for the first time and my favorite moments have absolutely no gifs or videos://
#i guess i have to do it myself#ughhhh#sigh#the light choking#Mark being sly#the subtle (not so) seductive behavior#and Vee is eating it up#he has more self control than me#i would DEVOUR Mark#thai bl#love mechanics series#yinwar#bl series#more choking but romantic#bl drama
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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something i've been thinking about:
Wally is set up as a sort of "main character" by the whrp. he's said in the site's description of the show to have introduced the main theme/lesson of the day's episode, and then the rest of the neighbors join him on his escapades. but then we have our first glimpses of everyone's actual dynamics and characters through the audios and you look at Wally and its like
first of all, thats an npc. second, nearly everybody else has severe main character syndrome
but its fascinating how Wally is just kind of... There. he doesnt talk much. he doesnt contribute beyond a couple of lines. its more like he joins the others on their shenanigans. he fades into the background. he's off to the side while everyone else holds conversations & leads the moment
Wally, despite being described as Thee character, is borderline background.
& whats even more interesting, within his individual secret audio files and interactions - he's almost chatty. not only that but the way he talks is more confident and faster paced. he's taking initiative. he can be kinda pushy. when talking to the qa/whrp/Us, he acts more like the character his descriptions portray. he acts more like a person instead of a puppet waiting for his next cue
I cant tell if - when around the neighbors - his tepid milk behavior is a purposeful act or if he's masking. and if he's masking, is it deliberate or involuntary? and in regards to both, why is he acting so different? It could be tied to what he's trying to accomplish. if he's trying to "restore" Welcome Home, it would make sense for him to act as he does around the neighbors - he wouldnt want to clue them in that he knows so much more than he's letting on, would he?
but then that begs another train of thought - what if he isn't acting or masking? if there is a time discrepancy between Wally's interactions with the qa/whrp/Us & the more 'official' audios, that could explain the difference in behavior. we could be getting glimpses into "future" (read: current) Wally, who's had much more time to figure himself out since we can safely assume he started out as a blank slate. we could be seeing a more experienced Wally than the one seen with his friends.
of course that line of thinking loses some merit when considering the 14 "bug" audios. or it could lend to it... if we're seeing a more experienced Wally but his friends are only seeing what he allows them to. it's still him, just... a carefully curated version.
in general it could really tie into the themes of identity and change and being other, to me. when you're so different - or you feel so different - that you can't bring yourself to be your most authentic you around your friends. when you feel like you have to hold back and be who you think they expect you to be, or what would be most palatable. most normal. will they accept you as you really are? there's always the fear and terror that the people you consider closest to you won't. or when you're so scared of change that you'll shove down & lock away parts of yourself so that you can keep things as you are. because once they know you've changed, so will they. and really, do you want to even accept that you've changed? what if that's what scares you most of all - that you're different, you've metamorphosized, you can't go back to the way things were because you yourself are no longer the person you were before. there is no reversing this no matter how much you try or pretend
#its just so fascinating#the whrp: wally's The Guy!#wally (with his friends): the most lukewarm dude ever#then he's alone or alone with home and its like Hi My Name Is Wally Darling & Welcome To Jackass *off-tune guitar riff*#bbg has ✨problems✨#and like - im giving all of his stuff a re-listen to make sure im not misremembering or completely talking out of my ass#but his phone call? the way his VA is delivering the lines seems So fuckign different than in the shared audios#his tone is flatter. he sounds more sure of his words and himself. he Sounds like he's in control and knows it.#immediately going from that to a shared audio where he puts more inflection in his voice & doesnt talk much#and when he does talk its slow. meandering. his lines are more befitting of his audience surrogate role#which only makes me feel more like he's acting/masking (again: if that time discrepancy does indeed exist)#which - as someone who kinda compulsively masks around Literally Everyone no matter how much i want to Not - it kinda hits hard!#i suspect that he Is masking instead of acting. he's The Most Autism as we all know so it would more than fit#and that could add an extra layer if it's automatic and he can't turn it off. or if he doesn't want to turn it off#but also acting... a misplaced attempt to protect his friends and world? not feeling like he can share his 'true' self? augh#wally darling you make me unwell. i want to dissect you#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#homebogging#and then listening to his little record audios#he starts out talking like he does in the shared audios and then slowly gains confidence until he's speaking more like he does in the call#just. wally not being talkative in the neighborhood to the point where everyone's like 'yeah wally isnt much of a talker'#vs him chatting away to the qa/whrp/Us#of course it could be because he has to carry the entire conversation on his own#But. but. you can still carry a one sided conversation and be hesitant or awkward or um. missing the word rn but short-sentenced#brief? succinct? concise?#wally's fully trying to make conversation with someone he knows can't reply. which is interesting#so many ways to take that. well. three#maybe he doesnt feel listened to in his day to day life / he feels more comfortable and can relax / hes been alone for a long while#anyway there may be more ways to take this but this is all my tiny poppyseed brain can reach atm
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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Hello!
If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?
There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?
OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts
No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:
This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.
Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning
Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.
And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!
Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)
This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that
#not art#admin answers#paranatural#pnat#richard spender#pts-fic-notes-and-blog#before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask!#none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them#this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship.#idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell#he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those#to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness#has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count#to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said#also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats#sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him#its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF#which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him#so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time#TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol
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i need to write more for switch eris this is not a drill
as usual im yapping in the tags 💀
#i am a firm switch!eris truther#i just KNOW hes a versatile switch#he could totalllyyyyyy be a mean rough dom#super controlling and kinky like we already KNOW he can conjure fire cuffs and hes deffff good at degrading- etc#but i also could see him as a service top or pleasure dom who can be a lot gentler and focus on praising you#or just pleasuring u in general#but i ALSO see him as like a BRATTY sub like this man is practically BEGGING to be put in his place#he teases and talks back like he's the shit but the next thing u know he's whining and bitching ab how u wont fuck him#BUT I ALSOO see him as like a very gentle or fragile sub when he's exhausted or just not feeling great#beron has pretty much ruined his self esteem and his self preservation in general and i think that deep down he'd thrive#if he was being pampered and praised#like he'd turn into the male version of a pillow princess (as a wlw person i am aware that that id a wlw term but idk how else to describe)#but like he'd gen just want u to take care of him yk?#anyways yea versatile switch eris my beloved#i could take him#(not in a fight)#rose rambling#anyways plsss send sub/switch/dom eris requests i am MORE than willing to oblige#(especially sub eris there is such a painful lack of that and ik he can be one bc he told me himself)#hehe#eris vanserra#eris vanserra x reader#eris vandaddy#eris headcanons#eris vanserra headcanon
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Probably says a lot about the fandoms I’ve been in that I am incapable of looking at DA Mark “M” Bition and not imagining that he’s the spitting image of Markiplier.
#dimension 20#mentopolis#dimension 20 mentopolis#mark bition#DA mark bition#m bition#mark m bition#markiplier#listen#okay LISTEN#i can’t help it if#in space with markiplier#a heist with markiplier#and#who killed markiplier#have left their marks on me okay?!#a brain function originally intended to do good and see that Elias got the credit he deserved and pushed his limits to achieve more#gradually becoming more and more narcissistic and self-serving as he becomes convinced that his way is the right way the only way#eventually corrupted into active sabotage of the being they once swore to protect#by an eldritch outside force that has more control of them than even they know?!#tell me you can’t see the parallels
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I can fix him*
*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers
#ra speaks#personal#sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding#should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts#also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever#seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next#but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T
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To quote me: I will remember your sleep schedule fondly
😊🐑
me @ me
blame jimmy
i miss kyle 😭
#how has it come to me up past midnight watching smash 🙈#excuse me...watching jimmy XD#the gifs are making him out to be *a little* more angelic than he is XD#jimmy what did you do with my self control#hey at least i didn't answer this at 12:40 am?#thanks for the ask!#tofangirlonly#jeremy friends#of the mutually unhinged variety#i love jimmy
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solas haters are so annoying
like i promise you there are a million other perfectly good reasons to not like him besides "he's full of himself." which is the impression some people get after his dialogue in haven, and usually what they bring up in their crit posts. like... that's not even really accurate. hes a bit self centered sure (he's the type of guy who leaves only 1/8th cup milk in the bottle and doesn't write it on the shopping list) but at that time he's just infodumping.
if you're gonna hate him at least pick a reason that is true 🙄 for example unless you stop him he full on murders a scared guy who made a mistake out of ignorance.
"but robin he has killed a whole bunch of people! notoriously so!" i hear you i hear your point. the difference is that this time it was personal and in cold blood.
#he has dogshit impulse control#'well he's not a murderer in MY universe!'#solas has been in violent situations since the second his feet hit solid ground#he still has no impulse control after a bajillion years#you don't think he's done this before?#halfway tempted to make a list of all his flaws and put it in the crit tag begging them to pick something else to hate him for#hi just to be clear i love him more than anything in the world#'but robin! his whole thing is self-sacrifice! how can he be self-centered?'#fantastic question me because nobody is going to read this#i've found that the kindest people are often self-centered people who learned to make the effort to be actively attentive to others#and when you are so used to focusing on it it becomes a part of your motivations#but people will still always default to their nature on occasion#evidence: like SO much group therapy
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.... I just realized I would be an unreliable narrator if I start talking about Armand. I like him way too much so don't believe me, don't take my words as facts. I am unbelievably biased. This man could commit murder in front of me and I would be asking, are you okay, baby? Like a fool. What have my life become?
#louis... my other beloved.... I am sorry I am being too harsh to you#objectively Ik he is not being mad enough at Armand. bcoz I love you Armand but if you killed my adopted daughter#I will take one for the team heartbreak and probably end Armand. I am incredibly biased but I ain't blind. Louis has much more self control#than me#like Louis would 100% be justified to do so much worst to Armand (why are you like this Armand) but I am not God's strongest soldier#unlike Louis. I see Armand making one sad face or people being slightly mean to my 514 year old baby and I fold immediately#self control- never heard of it? see my priorities are fucked but I am aware.#not to say that Louis is a saint but neither is Armand. Far from it tbh.#armand#ash rambles
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hi Margin! idk if you're still doing those 3-sentence fics, but in case you are, here's a prompt suggestion: "dawn"
bonus points if it's HW zelink? <3
Ohohohohohohohoho YES >:)
(full disclosure this was sitting in my inbox for weeks because i couldn't figure out what to write but i did it today in math class so here you go)
He was stern, and cold, and dispassionate; a statue, they called him, beautiful and unfeeling and as pristinely white as marble, resistant to the colors of love and laughter- or at least, that's what they said.
She was beautiful too, but not in his opaque, colorless way- if he was a marble statue, she was a stained-glass window, full of light and warmth and color, and her soul was the dawn that shone through and cast her illuminating hues on the grey congregation of the soldiers around her.
And when he was with her- when the dawn of her smile graced the Captain, not grey and battered like his men but pristinely alabaster- he absorbed her color; the white and colorless turned brilliant shades of gold and green and blue, and the few blessed to witness this transfiguration swore that, for a moment, she could make their Captain look almost human.
#guys i swear paladin's not actually cold and unfeeling okay#it's just how most people perceive him#on top of his army conditioning he has the self-hatred that comes from knowing a time witch started an interdimensional war because#she got the hots for him#so my guy's retreated WAY into his shell like. 10 times more than the average link because of said time witch and her hots#he's gaslit himself into thinking that he needs to be emotionally stable (read: repressed) to be an effective captain#because otherwise he'll get too attached to his men and won't be able to move on from mourning them when they inevitably die#or worse- he'd get caught up in his emotions and unwittingly give cia an upper hand#in actuality his heart is too big for his body#but because of his self control (read: emotional repression) the only person who can coax him out of the prison of his own design is zelda#and lana and impa (and baby orpheus) to some extent#but mostly zelda#because they love each other <3#i don't know why i felt the need to explain all this in the tags but i didn't want y'all to think i actually write him as cold and distant#that was EXTREMELY important for me to be clear about#margin writes#you ask margin babbles#my beloved hyrule warriors
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shout out to my poor unfortunate mother having to listen to me record and re-record rouge of love on the piano 3000 times because we live in a small house and i can’t find my usb drive to record via midi instead and use headphones right now
#you WILL hear rouge of love a billion times. it is not a choice#also machinegun kiss but what else is new#I recorded the backtrack for machinegun kiss not actually for a piano melody on top of it it’s meant for singing over technically#but. still works. so i recorded it anyway#ironically i doubt I’ll post anything right now though cause realistically it will bother me if I don’t record via midi instead so I can go#in and clean stuff up in post on my computer and whatnot#and the quality is just. infinitely better when exporting midi files instead of just recording me playing via earbud mic#you don’t have to hear my fingers on the keys and shit or any background noise At All#it’s satisfying………gotta find a fuckin flashdrive man#as for machinegun kiss. I actually am pretty okay with one of my lq piano/vocal cover recordings but. im way too self conscious to post that#lmao. maybe I’ll share it with someone. one day.#I do like hearing my own voice though simply cause it’s nice to be reminded how much my voice has lowered over the span of almost 2#years on t……I have a weirdly similar vocal range to kiryu’s right now which is. something#like I don’t even have to transpose machinegun kiss into another key. kiryu’s is perfectly fine#adachi’s is slightly higher than is comfortable for me (id have to more or less belt the chorus and yeah I could technically but. it’s#exhausting and I have less vocal control. which I need a lot of. becuase i already put a lot of effort into controlling my voice due to t#making it not nearly as malleable and effortless as it used to be haaaaah)#kiryu’s (and kuroda’s by association I assume) vocal range is pretty small and most of his songs are within a small range of keys. he rarely#truly belts and rarely does higher adlibs or anything like that.#so for me- since my vocal range as shrunk significantly on t- his songs/song keys are convenient#but yeah#anyway#no one asked#rambling
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ok wait i realized i can just use my gallery's text & draw thing this is great
this is what i mean by 'the clan au doesnt have a set story'. theres all these places that it can branch off of and the possibilities r endless and i have *counting* ..14 scenarios/storylines so far and every time i think of a new scenerio another gets added<3
[slight bit more info for all the branches so far]
i havent done much with the kny-canon leaning ones they're more just like if i did follow canon thats how it'd be done ykno? im thinking they get raided by the shinazugawas for control of the trade routes and either they both survive like that one post or only giyu survives, either way Sakonji takes in the living tomioka(s)
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most of the stories arent tied down to canon theyre more whatever worldbuilding i have and stories pop up from them- one of the first ones was the shina-tomi failed peacetalks bc i wanted to draw sanemi & giyuu fighting (i just realized i placed the branches perfectly bc thats closer to canon than the others lol)
if the peacetalks worked(wouldve been later/after sanemi took over) then it kinda snowballed into a few nearby/allied clans forming a village, then from that theres the Tomi-Daki diplomat/trade envoy w the fox trio(giyu makomo & sabito)
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the rescues are like. little to no formal interactions between any of the three clans(shina-kumeno is always allied), in the first one its winter and giyu's on his way home when he catches the trail of bloodline hunters and saves Genya & Masachika.
in the other one giyu's pinned by a rogue shinobi and sanemi & sabito both find him at the same time and they make a lil truce bc giyu has severe chakra exhastion and cant make it home
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undercover mission has one thats purely sanegiyu; sanemi is disguised as Kazura & giyu as Gikuro and actually i looked back at my notes and this ones like. in the past before the village branch. so it connects to that one but it can also be a standalone. the other undercover mission is sabisanegiyu where sabito & giyuu went undercover as a master/servant thing and sanemi was disgusted by it and didnt know that it wasnt Real so he tried to 'save' giyuu and got invited to the polycule<3
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the lil unnamed branches inbetween is that one where giyu got chased out the clan by tsutako for killing their mom, there was a spy who had taken her place and giyu noticed and killed the spy but tsutako only saw him killing their mom and she lost her shit in dispair & heartbreak. theres a branch for Giyu staying alone, Sabito ditching the urokodakis for his packmate while makomo stays behind to fix things with tsutako, and both Sabito & Makomo ditching the urokodakis for their packmate
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the arranged marriages are sanegiyu with the first branch being after sanemi takes over and giyu asking for it ot of goodwill & he likes him(his pack gets to stay w him). other two Kyogo requested(demanded) it for trade routes, he doesnt allow the urokodakis to go with bc theyre Not Tomiokas and these routes more heavily portray the different biology of the southerners/mountain-pass(a/b/o)
ones angsty bc sanemi is like. CRUSHED that he cant find love on his own. his father takes literally everything away from him. while sanemi is kind & respects giyu he doesnt really care for him. and for giyu to go from a very close-knit family-oriented culture to the stone cold-cutthroat/conservative/severely traumatized/individualist culture of the shinazigawas with literally No One there for him he gets pretty fucked up w the emotional neglect
the other ones less angsty bc sanemi actually Tries in their relationship and finds that he actually enjoys giyu's company- and cuddles. the cuddles r fuckin great. but kyogo's still a cunt and a massive hindrance to emotional and mental healing of everyone around him. but sanemi's not alone now so its Better
#kny clan au#im Hoping that by posting this ppl will ask abt some of them n add their own two cents for ideas to flesh them out more#actually im realizing now that this is. probably incredibly niche and self indulgent. its naruto systems x kny characters#+ giyuu-centric as fuck w a lot of sabigiyu & sanegiyu#i swear its not all about giyu im making a better map of the world & it has so many other clans & fandoms to play with#i just havent focused on anything other than giyu bc hes my lil guy. my lil loserboy beloved. u understand right????#i wanna explore more shit with other people i have an entire continent of political shit to figure out#all i got so far is that w the bigass mountain straight thru the middle the tomi-daki pass is the safest for traders so a lot go thru there#and they specifically run like. protection details for passer-bys so people dont die from the elements. which means they get access to#literally every trader that goes through. theyre fucking GOLDEN and other clans either want to ally w them or attack them for their own#control. but theyre mostly safe from that bc their compounds r way up in the mountains & theyre used to the rough terrain.#its like people invading russia in winter- its just not on your side dude.. go back home..#theres also the Inarizaki from land of water trying to stake a post on the mainland near the kochos. so they went to the shinazugawas for#Reputation & actually really good firepower against attackers. even if theyre on the other end of that half of the continent.#i love worldbuilding#i did it for ocs but it started as a kid so its like. all over the place. i cant make sense of it & my ocs kinda bore me & i ended up Here#using my anime characters as lil dolls w a vague sense of their original character/personality bc i changed So Much-#if anyone inquires or not i Will be posting more about any and all of the branches Eventually#hhh stop typing Send Post#oh wait fuck i have to put it in the maintaga for people to see#fuck. shit. post be upon ye#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#giyuu#sabito#makomo#sanemi
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My dad retired in 2020 and one of his New Years resolutions this year was to ‘try video games’. I set him up on my switch with Super Mario Odyssey and ever since he learned how to turn it on by himself it’s been a waking nightmare. He’s on it constantly. From 10am- 5pm, 6pm-11pm, 1am-3am. He’s also deaf as a post so he’s got it blaring across the house. No one can use the tv room anymore. I’m contemplating taking the switch downstairs with me at 9. Like…grounding my dad. No video games from 9-9 mister.
#it was cute at first but hee become obsessed with getting every moon#he has more than me#it’s been interesting to watch a complete newbie try video games#Mario often frustrates me because it gives ‘hints’ that are essentially the answer at a drop of the hat#turns out I just am an avid gamer and understand the language and design and it’s not that intuitive actually#he wanted to start with RDR2 and I made him put the breaks in that#one the controls are way more difficult and two he’s like a Twitter millennial in that any fictionalized violence at all deserves jail time#anyway though it’s gotten really annoying as he can’t self regulate and it takes up communal space and I can’t sleep
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have been thinking about Until Dawn again -- do we ever like, fully understand what Josh had planned for Matt and Emily? Like, did he steal/hide her bag or something to get them out into the woods? Or was that just some kind of coincidence that played out like he hoped it would?
#N posts stuff#outside of that one 'did Josh do that deliberately?' uncertainty i do actually grasp the full implications of his plan#better than i think i did in high school.#(my brother has a playstation he lent to us so i'm finally playing it for myself instead of just watching no commentary vids lmao)#in that like. presuming he Did send Matt and Em out there deliberately then them + Mike and Jessica are on the side of like#Josh is putting them in the same circumstances Hannah and Beth were when they left the house - he's surrendering them to whatever#circumstance and danger that his sisters went through; i watched a couple of like vid essays on the game and someone said that#Jess and Mike in particular were 'spared' by Josh sending them out to the cabin but i don't think that's what Josh was doing#given the level of control he had over everything that happened all over that mountain then I have to assume the busted power#in that cabin was Deliberate and the path they took was very messy and ill-maintained in a way that can get them both Soaked#so to me the cabin is a deliberate exposing them to the elements in a way that may well could have killed hannah and beth#plus Josh did make up some of the 'maniac' lore BUT his parents were in a lengthy legal battle with someone who Did threaten the family#so he's also well-aware that That guy could have had something to do with Hannah+Beth's disappearance and again Josh is exposing#Matt and Mike and Emily and Ashley to that danger because they were the more outward 'antagonists' in the prank on Hannah#so his revenge there is more passive but arguably Way more dangerous than what Josh had set up in the house; because again#Josh had a Huge amount of control over what was going on in there and he kept an eye on everyone the whole time#He's basically the only threat on the field - he can account for the weather and outside threats etc. in a way he Doesn't do for anyone els#and even tho they don't know it JOSH knows that he's not going to physically Harm anyone inside the house. so they're ultimately Safer#his deliberately more Antagonistic 'revenge' on the others who seemed to have less to do with the prank is also kind of double edged#ie; for 1) Josh overall sees the whole thing as a net Positive for them - he was going to post it online w/ the intent of making#them all famous sensations; obviously he knows it's terrifying them deliberately in a real dire way but as a Whole it's supposed to be 'goo#and as for Why he scares them so thoroughly out of everyone i think it's mostly bc Josh does see Himself as culpable that night as well#dr. Hill has that line about how he doesn't know if it's like. worse to threaten someone or passively allow them to come to harm or whateve#so there's a lot of deep self-loathing about the fact that Josh couldn't/didn't do anything to help his sisters that night that he kind of#turns outwards against the other people who were also less Directly culpable in that same way (Sam tries to stop the prank#but fails; Ashley more passively went along with it than deliberately participated; Chris was also drunk + incapacitated)#so it's almost a collective 'WE fucked it up bc we didn't do Enough' kind of punishment hence the invocation of Hannah and Beth's#terror and uncertainty on that night -- We didn't do Enough and so this is what they suffered because of us in that way#but again; Josh had immense control over that house and he Knew everyone was Physically safe so even though he's Scaring them#he's also not putting them In Danger in the same way he does everyone else by shutting them out of the house + out in the snow
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