#but people will still always default to their nature on occasion

[tortoise-teapot]

solas haters are so annoying

like i promise you there are a million other perfectly good reasons to not like him besides "he's full of himself." which is the impression some people get after his dialogue in haven, and usually what they bring up in their crit posts. like... that's not even really accurate. hes a bit self centered sure (he's the type of guy who leaves only 1/8th cup milk in the bottle and doesn't write it on the shopping list) but at that time he's just infodumping.

if you're gonna hate him at least pick a reason that is true 🙄 for example unless you stop him he full on murders a scared guy who made a mistake out of ignorance.

"but robin he has killed a whole bunch of people! notoriously so!" i hear you i hear your point. the difference is that this time it was personal and in cold blood.

[fallow-hollow]

Aaa! Your Kabru x reader was really nice! May I request a Holm x Reader where the reader helps him when he freezes up in rapid situations?

pick-me-up

…ft! holm kranom x gn! reader

…tags! pre-relationship, fluff, a little banter, reader knows some magic, some magic lore i may or may not have made up

…word count! 1167

…notes! people who are madly in love with side characters are truly god’s strongest soldiers. i hope i characterized your man correctly!!

As close as you and Holm were, neither of you really seemed to idealize one another too much. Being in the dungeon, you had to be aware of all your teammates’ strengths and flaws, regardless of personal opinion. When it came to the gnome you called your closest friend, even he didn’t deny it — he did not operate well under pressure.

Considering that you were in a place where foes could ambush you at any moment, anybody could see why this wasn’t a great quality to have. From being unable to save your friends to even being unable to save yourself, there were a lot of potential consequences to locking in place during the middle of combat. Something had to be done about it sooner rather than later, and if he had to ask someone, he’d rather it be you than anybody else.

The plan was formulated during some downtime the party had — something to stop Holm from going stock still whenever he felt overwhelmed. Luckily, your companion already had an idea for you.

“I figure the easiest way to deal with this’ll be using magic.”

You nodded. Not much of an obstacle, since you already had at least a few spells under your belt.

“As long as you have a rudimentary understanding of magic, it’s not gonna be too hard to get down.” For a moment, the gnome deliberated, wondering how to explain the concept to you. “You know how healing magic can hurt sometimes?”

With a grimace, you shook your head in understanding. Rin and Holm were pretty good about that sort of thing, but there had been more than a few occasions in past parties where healing and injury hurt even more than obtaining it. Seeing that you were familiar with what he was saying, the man continued.

“Well, that’s actually how healing magic is by default. When it doesn’t hurt, that’s because the caster is using a separate spell to numb your sensations.” As you listened, your mouth formed a little ‘o’ shape to show your interest. “Naturally, you can alter people’s sensations with magic in other ways, too.”

“Oh,” you would interject, “so I could use magic to make you more….focused?”

“Not quite, but yes.” At your approximation, he held up his index finger. “I was thinking you could use just a little bit of mana to sort of perk me up, almost like a spike of adrenaline to set me back in motion again.” His hand then lowered, turning over so his palm faced upward. “It’s pretty simple, just transferring mana through touch like you would with a healing spell.”

“I can do that, no problem!”

Ah, he was still looking at you, even after you said that… was there still more he wanted to share? When your eyes wandered down to the hand he held out, embarrassment that you hadn’t realized sooner quickly washed over you.

“Ah, you wanted to practice?” At first, you feared that your slow uptake had caused Holm some annoyance, but the relaxed smile on his face didn’t give way in the slightest. He seemed almost amused, really.

“Guess I should have been more clear about that, huh?”

The smirk on his face let you know that the question was most certainly rhetorical. Answering it would have been a moot point anyway, so instead you pouted and mumbled, “You’re always so snarky with me… not fair.”

Transferring mana was something you were fairly familiar with doing, so you were able to take the gnome’s hand into two of your own with little hesitation. Back when you’d just joined the party, the act of touching him made your cheeks heat up, but exposure to it over time had made the experience far from unfamiliar.

Just remember to envision the flow of the mana, you reminded yourself. Truly feel it, from your head to your toes, through your veins and bones, and out the tips of your fingers. Feel the current connecting you to him…

With your eyes trained on your joined hands, half lidded while you chanted the spell as instructed, you hardly noticed the way your companion’s ears actually twitched and perked up when the incantation was completed. Only when his whole body jolted did you shoot up in turn, concern pooling in your irises.

Said concern seemed to be unneeded, judging from the pleased look on his face. It was one that brought you relief, not just from the knowledge that you’d done well, but from the sight of him alone.

“That’s good, I think you’ve got it.” Even his voice seemed cheerier than before, and you weren’t quite sure if it was from the magic, your success, or both. Nonetheless, it was kind of nice to see his usually laid back demeanor become more enthusiastic from time to time. “So remember, the next time I get stunned in an overwhelming situation, use that if you’re near.”

“Of course!” You grinned, knowing you’d always be neat if you could help it.

That little practice session with Holm had been a few days ago by now. It took quite a while for a situation to actually arise that called for your little backup plan, but you most certainly kept your word.

Perhaps if it was just one stray suit of living armor, Rin or even Daya would’ve been able to dispatch it just fine. But in a whole hallway full of them with no way around, you could only tiptoe past them in hopes that maybe they’d ignore you, or even end up just being normal suits of armor. You should’ve known, of course, that the dungeon is no place for wishful thinking.

When the intimidating armored figures inevitably sprung to life, the first thing you did was look to Holm. Unsurprisingly, he was completely still by your side, eyes blown wide and mouth hanging open while he didn’t even shake or quiver.

Just do what you talked about. Transfer the mana as quickly as you can. You may have taken the latter half of that a bit too seriously judging by how, instead of taking his hand like you had during practice, you immediately reached for his face instead.

Only halfway through chanting the spell did you notice the slight tint on his cheeks, likely from embarrassment, and it took everything you had in you to continue the spell without stuttering from your own flustered state. After all, restarting the spell would take even longer, and that was pretty much the exact opposite of what was needed right now.

The second the spell had been completed, the both of you pulled away from one another, invigorated by both magic and embarrassment respectively. You heard Holm utter a quick thanks to you, but you were too busy feeling completely mortified by the way Kabru had just glanced at the two of you, seemingly more entranced by your interaction than the imminent peril you were dealing with.

You’d never hear the end of this, would you?

[rest-your-head-in-my-lap]

On Being Ace and Horny

It's complicated. I've had a lot of shit going on with my sexuality for a long, long time. I've always known I was ace, this is true... Kinda hard for me to not realize when everyone else around me started going through puberty, starting feelings things like that and I just. didn't. I didn't look at people and think about them touching me. I didn't watch porn to jerk off to. I didn't feel the pull of my body's needs in the way it always felt like so many of my peers did. Many people experience this age and sexual attraction and feelings differently, this is true, but it always felt like there was something missing for me. I did and do read erotic material, sure. I've seen the same things they have. It just never clicked for me the same way. I watched and I was interested but never felt any urge besides that. Sex for me has never been a need or craving, just a dull want on the occasion. I'm simplifying a lot of details here- Point is. I personally don't experience sexual needs in the way an allo would. I've sought out content mostly to satisfy curiosity or for the more romantic aspects of the material. So there's that right? Nice and easy, I'll just never have sex or take part in those kinds of things, right? Yeah, turns out it's a wee bit more complex than that. See, I still enjoy things of sexual nature. Just because I lack sexual attraction/feeling doesn't mean I can't take pleasure from it, it's just in a different way: I view sex as a sense of being close to a person I love, as bringing them pleasure and getting my feedback from that. I enjoy people's reactions to me, I take pleasure in the more metaphorical/intangible things I'm given from the experience. Just try to imagine not being able to feel with your hands, you might still be able to ascertain texture and the like, but it'd be different from most people's methods. Complicated metaphors aside though, this means that I can also have 'kinks.' Though not exact, there are still things I favor or preferences that aren't the 'default'. I can also want or desire sexual experiences with my partner, I can want to be sexy or look hot. These are all things that similarly to allos, I experience, just not in the same way. Because of the fact that I don't entirely sway to one side or the other, I'd often feel strange about my sexuality in the past; Trying to repress all of the more sexual urges so that I could be a 'proper' asexual. But the fact of the matter is, there's no such thing as a 'proper' asexual, or a correct asexual or a correct label of any kind. People and feelings are flexible and pushing yourself into a box helps no one. I still identify as asexual and I am allowed to still identify as an asexual. I am allowed to be myself and not try and pretend I feel things I don't. Hehe, there's my little ramble-y blurb about my experiences. Admittedly I haven't reread this or anything so do forgive if it's a little circular.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

One thing I liked to do back when twitter was slightly less of a dumpsterfire was to imagine how characters would behave on Twitter as a character building exercice. Yersterday evening I couldn't sleep, and came to this enlightened conclusion:

Zelda

regular poster. very focused on vulgarisation of STEM and history, generally positive and upbeat

quote-retweets A LOT, generally to praise the original thread or add information... but sometimes to start shit

the occasional selfie, but a pretty rare occurence. She would generally pose in nature or doing cool things within the community rather than post herself in gowns on in royal duty

generally avoids talking about her role as a princess, or even mentioning this is what she is

gets into comment thread fights with randos WAY more than is necessary or reasonable

Link

only retweets, never posts. most of the retweets involve nice scenery, survival tips, cooking and dog videos. good time vibes.

will comment occasionnally, but only with emojis

uses 🙂 non-ironically and means it 100000%

likes zelda's tweets on occasion, but not always.

Ganondorf

posts super rarely. never retweets. never comments. likes, but only in exceptional circumstances --and uses his likes as a targeted weapon to cause mayhem and speculation

will post shit with a couple of words only, and all of his tweets go viral for some reason

has never posted a selfie once but still has simps, inexplicably

sometimes, will start borderline incomprehensible threads that ramble on and on with unhinged manic/conspiratorial energy. some aspect of that thread is inevitably deemed super problematic and starts rancid discourse. he doesn't weight in, disappears again for months. his next tweet is a couple of words and inevitably goes viral, etc etc

Impa

has an account with a default profile pic and no identifying username. the account is privated.

uses it only to stalk people and bookmark stuff they have said

likes every single one of Zelda's tweets, and Zelda has no idea who that is since she's not following Impa and doesn't even know she has a twitter account

may have liked at least one of ganondorf's tweets as well, but no one will ever know

[stoopid-turtle]

the art of being a skeptical turtle

So this is a personal post more about my experience as a turtle. If you just want to get to the fun list of candies I totally buy into regardless of evidence, just skip down to where the asterisks are. (Consider this like a recipe attached to a blog post)

For those interested in the whole nerdery going on here, let me share that I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with bjyxszd. I wrote a whole series of posts about it to get my thoughts in order. Now I'm fully on the turtle train, but I find myself skeptical of some candies.

This is gonna get super-nerdy so hold on to your butts.

I'm a generally skeptical person. I come by it honestly. My parents literally subscribed to Skeptical Inquirer and Skeptics magazines. They (well, my dad mainly) were capital-S Skeptics. My family talked about logical fallacies, perceptual oddness, and the fallibility of memory over the dinner table.

Please don't back away. I know self-identified Skeptics are typically insufferable. I didn't know this as a kiddo, though, so the whole "thinking about things skeptically" became just my default way of processing stuff. Nowadays, I wouldn't call myself a Skeptic in the way that some in a particularly obnoxious subculture do. But I do tend to be a skeptical sort. I just don't...you know...think it makes me smarter/better/cooler than other folks.

(Actually, it makes me way less cool bc I can single-handedly ruin a fun party by expressing skepticism about something. Nobody likes a wet blanket. I know this)

My bestie in high school always called me Scully to his Mulder. He would believe anything he saw or read, whereas I didn't. Usually, I was right. Like when he totally thought that the Blair Witch Project was real found footage (It's not. Nobody thinks it is now, I know, but it was part of the promo at the time). On occasion, he was right. Like when he told me that some gray clouds we had overheard were from wildfires in Mexico. I scoffed bc, really, we weren't that close to Mexico. But he was right and I learned a valuable lesson on large-scale weather phenomenon. (He's still wrong about there being a picture of a light bulb in the pyramids though)

So, yeah, that's just how I process things. It's second-nature for me. But I reached a point with my generally skeptical outlook where I considered 2 things to see whether I really cared if people were buying into something I thought was false.

The stakes. If a person believes X, what does that lead to? If I don't believe Y, even though it's true, what does that lead to?

There's a whole bunch of political stuff that heightens the stakes. To take a ridiculous (and outdated one), when I was growing up, there was a common story that AIDS hopped from apes to humans because a gay man had sex with an ape and then had sex with other humans. Thus, the AIDS epidemic.

The stakes of other people buying into that homophobic nonsense were (and are) life and death. (If you believe that...uh...bye?) It's something that's worth me being the obnoxious Scully if I hear someone buying into it.

The stakes of, say, my high school bestie believing that The Blair Witch Project was real found footage was...nothing. It just made him want to see the movie more. Nobody was hurt. It didn't matter.

I argued with him at the time, but I probably wouldn't anymore.

The stakes for believing that bjyxszd, here in international fandom, are perhaps higher than the Blair Witch thing. But only barely. If somebody believes in a particular rumor/candy that I don't think is real, it affects literally nothing. We're both still turtles. We have a lot more in common than we do difference with regards to YiZhan. Likewise, the effect of me not believing a candy that may be true is nil. Gg and dd are not impacted in any way.

(I think things may be different for c-fans, but that's not at all a thing I'm qualified to delve into. I can only account for myself in my context)

2. The other thing I consider is the context. That is, how likely are we to know the actual truth?

Scientific claims have a method to test them (and claims that can't be tested are just...not something science addresses). Claims about current events can be researched using journalism methods or whatever. For that homophobic AIDS story, there's ways to prove that it's not true. For the Blair Witch thing...well, the actors went on the talk show circuit for promo so, you know, the real footage myth was quickly lifted.

Celebrities exist in a different context. Like most people, they have a private life that is not accessible to people on the outside. If they choose to open up about that life, then cool. But if they don't or can't do so (like is the case with YiZhan), then they'll try to keep their private life out of sight of fans.

It really hit home to me when I was doing the bts thing how little of dd and gg we saw in the Untamed bts. We see even less of them now. I'm at peace with the fact that I just will never know much about these guys (I wrote a whole post about it). But the fact that there's a big mass of the unknown means that the possibilities are endless. We don't know and we'll never know.

So I don't have any more authority on anything gg or dd related than anybody else does. So why would I attempt to question or dismiss candies that other people find compelling? At the end of the day, there is a truth, but it's not accessible to us, so anything we come up with is just extrapolation.

Which is fine. It's fun. I think there's real stuff going on. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be here) But it means there's no real point arguing about the specific candies.

(and to be clear, I don't see turtles doing this, really. so this is all just me reiterating my own approach to things bc I'm a person who processes thoughts through long tumblr posts apparently) (and it's not a reaction to any particular candy. this post has been in my drafts for ages)

I think I'm a hard sell on a lot of candies, and I'm definitely the fuddy-duddy who just squints and asks a bunch of obnoxious questions about things.

But I ask those questions of myself and don't feel the need to annoy other turtles with them because, honestly, we're all in this boat together. Some candies appeal to particular turtles more than others, and I think we all kinda have our personal preferences for which ones resonate with us. I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade, especially as we all have way more in common just bc we all believe in bjyxszd.

This is all a long-winded way to explain how I think about candies, honestly. Or more, how I assess candies that are new-to-me and figure out whether to buy into it or not. With anything involving bjyx, I also leave a lot of room for there just being an unknown and unknowable. Again, the stakes are low, and if I'm wrong about any particular candy (in either direction), then...oh well? It affects literally nothing.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

So here's the fun part! The list of candies that I fully admit don't have a whole lot going for them (by my stupidly exacting standards) but that I totally buy into just because I like them.

Basically all lip-readings, but especially this one

(if you don't want to click thru, this is the moment from the Nanjing farewell concert where dd and gg seem to flirt about photos while on-stage)

Okay, I know, rationally, that lip-readings are always gonna be shaky. I mean, I've seen Medieval Land Fun-Time World. If I'm honest with myself, I know that the lip-readings are basically fluffy candy.

But whatever. I choose to believe them. This moment, especially, I adore (and it does come with dd posting a bare-faced photo after!). I think their big grins while openly flirting with each other on stage just jazzes me enough to pretend.

It's all true. I totally believe it.

Related to this is:

2. Any and all CPN about dd and/or gg seeing turtle signs and smiling or otherwise reacting positively.

I've seen such CSI-worthy analysis of sight-lines to try to establish with precision where dd or gg is looking at the moment they smile/look happy. I have no idea how much any of it holds up, and it's not worth the bother to try to confirm any of it.

But whatever. I like it. I believe it. I'll probably believe it everytime it happens.

3. Advanced Bombology.

So there's some things that aren't in dispute here. We definitely know that gg suddenly cut an Olay commercial ad from a 2 day shoot to a 1 day shoot, and it's a reasonable assumption that he did so to be at the DDU anniversary episode with GG.

The rest is a little fuzzy. The video details dd being kinda grouchy in interviews before the DDU shoot, and it also shares an anon rumor from a person who claimed to overhear dd in a studio restroom arguing on the phone with gg. This rumor came out a year after the event.

The rest of the video is some interpretation of the boys' behavior/mood in the DDU anniversary ep.

So, like, I get that anon rumors a year on maybe aren't the most solid evidence for anything. But whatever, I buy it.

And the interpretation of the boys' mood seems true to me, especially the moment where the interviewer asks gg if they'd discussed his visit ahead of time. Gg def does a sweatdrop, panic pause, look at dd moment and waits for dd's lead to answer. I find a lot of mood interpretation from videos a bit much, but this feels real.

In fact, the whole thing just feels real. Maybe that's why it's easy for me to buy. It feels like a real argument a couple would have.

4. The 5/22 fight during CQL shooting.

I talked about this back when I was doing the bts in order.

In tl;dr, dd gives gg a bit of a brush-off response to something. gg responds by cold shouldering him and then doing some passive aggressive sniping about how dd doesn't want gg to care about him. dd gets upset, then he apologizes, then they go on to watch something on one of their phones.

The basis of this one is some gossip plus a video shot from a distance that requires reading lips. So we know that's already fuzzy, and I know I approached this with some skepticism in my earlier post. That was just to be rational about things so as to be honest with myself.

In truth, I buy it. I buy the argument. I buy the lip-reading. Again, it feels real.

5. GG's card to turtles

This is one of those frustrating ones I'm having trouble refinding. Darn.

The upshot, and I'm going from memory, is that there's a CPN about a card written to turtles ostensibly from gg. This came with some handwriting comparison to try to match the signature to gg's known signature.

This isn't something I'd place bets on, because...seriously, it's so fuzzy.

But in my heart, I believe it for no reason other than that I want to.

6. DD as gg's mystery driver

Okay, there's a couple such incidents. One quite recently. Where gg's driver is mysteriously masked such that you can't see their face.

And, truth, it could be literally anybody under there. But for me, it's dd. No need to give me painstaking comparisons of hands or whatever. I'm fully in on this one.

7. The bone necklace.

Ack, don't hate me for this one!

When I was doing my posts about stuff that had convinced me that gg and dd were still together, I stumbled with the bone necklace. To me, it's the main thing that convinces me, but if I'm honest, it really is kinda a leap of faith thing.

With the ox-head necklace, we have the fancam footage to back it up as being from gg. All we have for the bone necklace is the timing and the precedent of dd having already worn a necklace from gg. That's shaky, really.

In fact, I think I saw some other dd CP claiming the bone necklace as theirs (I saw them also claiming the Leica camera). I think they're wrong, but I don't have any solid proof to say so.

I think the most I can say is that there are much harder evidences that gg and dd are still together. But these typically involve massive privacy violations so I'm not eager to spread them around (I kinda hate that I stumble upon them, tbh). But in any case, it has me convinced, so if I already know gg and dd are a couple, then of course the bone necklace is related.

But on its own, the bone necklace is a leap.

Okay, that all said, since I (finally) had a photo of dd last time I posted, I'm dropping a random gg photo here. Not my favorite, cause pls don't make me choose, but one that hangs out my head throughout the days.

[daisychainsandbowties]

thoughts on autistic beatrice 

i got a couple asks about this, so here we go.

speaking. despite her talent for linguistics, and her fascination with language, Beatrice does sometimes have periods where she is non-verbal. alternates with days where she needs to talk a lot. Lilith usually gets subjected to her talkativeness on these occasions - or rather, she subjects herself to it, willingly. knows how to respond and manage and help when things are a lot. she is quite content to sit and listen and poke fun while Beatrice lets all of the thoughts out of her head. 

Bea has areas of specific focus, and likes to tell convoluted stories to reach her point bc it’s how her brain likes to do things, and Lilith is one of the rare people who will simply listen, who is not impatient. Bea has been trained to think in straight lines, but there is a natural obliqueness to her thought processes. & especially when she is tired and/or hurt it unravels out of her. 

it takes a long time for her to trust anyone enough to actually relax and do that kind of stimming, but once things are easier it’s at least once a week, and Lilith pretty much drops everything to go sit with her in the library or down by the cliff or in the sun by one of the outer walls. this is astonishing to Bea, because nobody in her life has been willing to listen to her talk before, for hours. 

for Lilith it’s like watching the sun rise, & Bea transforms when she’s able to let all of the many myriad & often beautiful thoughts she has find their way out. to have them held and appreciated.

special interests. i think for sure Bea is really interested in math & physics & linguistics & probably a bit of architecture (my girl knew how to convert dirra to feet = math nerd AND architecture nerd, for sure). 

re: physics - Bea is just really interested in the mechanics of the universe, & it’s kind of an adjacent interest when you throw knives, because there is math involved & a bit of physics knowledge, especially for her throws which are from unpredictable distances (usually knife-throwing is done at standard distances with more or less consistent trajectories. whereas Bea throws in consistently unpredictable circumstances, often at moving targets).

she likes spiders and pretty much all fields of biology - anatomy, entomology, biophysics (she was a bit obsessed with gravitational tropism & how they grew plants in space), biochem, physiology of all kinds. definitely used to do architectural sketches for fun. knows all about how buildings have been constructed over the centuries. likes spiders because misunderstood, solitary, & just rlly rlly interesting as creatures. linguistics for obvious reasons. aka ‘if i learn ten languages i will be able to talk to people’ = cue not knowing what to say to people in ten languages. i’m gonna say she likes prime numbers. the mystery of them, the way they are so strange and self-contained.

routine! Bea is big into routine. it helps her to deal with the parts of her life that will always be chaotic - OCS activities are pretty much chaotic by default, because possession and demons don’t keep people-hours. 

she NEEDS to go running every day & Lilith is usually the only one who can keep pace with her, so they get up in the predawn dark most mornings and run until the sun rises. they don’t talk while they run, but they have a sort of silent conversation going on. gentle competition and mutual egging-on. performing stupid little parkour tricks where no one can see them. once or twice they go down by the beach and end up trying to toss each other into the ocean. 

when they get back Beatrice has muesli (she always has muesli, when she can) & she has this specific blue bowl and this specific spoon. everyone knows not to touch it (and Lilith knows too but still does dickhead things like hide it, but she gives it back almost immediately. just likes to see Bea’s face scrunch up like an emoji. she calls it ‘your haughty little stare’. 

Lilith peels an orange while Beatrice makes up her breakfast (picking the banana chips out. ‘why don’t you just get the brand without banana chips.’ ‘you wouldn’t understand.’) Lilith scatters orange peel everywhere on purpose and Beatrice goes around after sweeping them into her palm, which makes her hands smell like citrus (and, incidentally, exactly like Lilith’s, all day long).

time-blindness/interoception. Beatrice loses time. has a habit of going into a trance or just hyper-focussing on things. in those instances Mary or Lilith or Cam will find her just Staring and they always go to fetch Shannon, because she has a knack; she’s a gentle stirring presence, and she goes and puts her palms on Bea’s face and gets her eyes to focus on her. narrows the world down to simple touch. leads with a couple of innocent questions about math or sometimes jellyfish, or any of the topics Bea likes. 

this is what she needs. Mary is the steady voice that pulls everyone together in a fight, but Shannon has the measure of Beatrice. she knows to ask questions, to lure her out of her stupor with positive things. gentle, stirring. usually there’s nothing bad about losing the time, except that she can end up with throbbing headaches from dehydration.

but it’s time her brain needs, to be away from other people, because Beatrice has observed and catalogued and she is pretty good at the social side of things. yet it is exhausting. & sometimes she needs a hour or two to just exist in her own orbit.

eye-contact. when she’s comfy she tends to stray away from eye-contact, just because other body language is better and not so overwhelming as eyes, but martial arts taught her how important the eyes are for betraying intent, so she looks. but if she trust ppl there’s less eye contact. what there is, then, means more. 

she and Lilith are almost entirely absent of eye-contact when alone with each other. they are parallel play pros, and they save eye-contact for fighting, though Lilith is extraordinarily good at NOT giving away anything with her eyes. she can be beating the crap out of two people at once and look like she’s grocery shopping, but when she’s in the swing of things there’s often a manic glee to her eyes. & Bea likes that because it’s uncomplicated and wild and honest. but yeah, Mary occasionally goes to Shannon - ‘hey, do you think Beatrice would know the answer if i asked her what colour Lilith’s eyes are?’

speaking (contd.) Bea does have a tendency to forget about inflection in speech. has a monotone a lot of the time, which other people mistake for condescension. she can be very persuasive, but when she’s comfortable her voice keeps this unerringly constant pitch.

doesn’t tend to have the wild wavers you expect when ppl are with their friends; actually gets flatter & more even the more enthused she is. so she’ll be telling Lilith about how spiders can walk upside down on glass & the pitch, if you measured it, would be a straight line, but this speaks to Lilith’s brain too, because it isn’t jumping on distinctions in sound & getting anxious over it. 

if you pay attention to the rest of Bea’s body language it’s easy to see how excited she is, but that doesn’t manifest in her voice so much. oh she can emote vocally with the best of them (cut to the museum heist scene where Vincent kidnaps Ava) but calm relaxed Bea is going to be rocking that monotone.

food. for the first while in cat’s cradle Beatrice has trouble with mealtimes. it was never her forte - always the first down to breakfast in boarding school, so eventually the ppl setting up just left a bowl out for her & the tureen of muesli, and a milk bottle still slick with dew from sitting on the stoop with all the others. 

it’s the social aspect, mostly, and the change of routine, that get to her. plus Beatrice just isn’t motivated by food at all - for her it’s like, due to interoception, and some sensory preferences, though Bea’s a good soldier and can just ignore texture and taste if she has to. 

she doesn’t like the tables in the vaulted hall or the weird dim lighting, and all the other nuns talking in hushed voices so they become this susurration of sound. so she just skips lunch, or dinner. 

Lilith insists that she could care less, & she only tells Mary because otherwise she’ll get a lecture about responsibility and the new recruits, and also Bea is the best fighter besides her, and she doesn’t want to win just because the little twit forgets to eat. 

initially Mary just insists that Bea goes to meals with her. that doesn’t really help too much; Bea goes where she’s told, but yk you can lead a horse to water, can’t make them drink.

one day Mary goes and sits down next to Bea while she’s reading one day out in the courtyard, & hands her a cup of pudding from a bunch of surplus (and almost expired) MREs that the OCS bulk-bought ages ago. & Bea, skeptical but obedient, open it up & tries it & Mary, privately, thinks it’s chalky and overly sweet, but Bea adores it. she reads the nutritional info and is weirdly psyched by how ‘full of food groups’ it is. (Mary shrugs, but Lilith gets it; she also grew up craving salt and protein and portions larger than a palm). 

Mary bulk buys even more of them, & soon the Trio™ start carrying them around. Shannon has a bunch in her backpack, and Mary keeps them in the glove box of the van. Lilith sometimes just has one in the pocket of her hoodie, so that when it’s a Hard Day they can all reliably take Bea out into the sun with a bit of breeze coming up over the cliffside, & pass her a horrible calorie-dense protein pudding monstrosity.

it works, though. once Bea has Lilith to cling to she doesn’t mind going to the official means, & also Mother Superion takes her in her office & tells her she can go to the kitchen or eat in MS’s office if she’s not feeling it any evening. it works, and Beatrice manages to win against Lilith two out of five times in training, and she looks better and more than she has in her whole life, because the ppl around her FINALLY care about what she needs.

touch. Bea actually really likes it. flinches, at first, when Mary throws an arm around her, or when Shannon goes to her after a hard fight and presses their foreheads together, and leaves her sooty thumb-prints on Bea’s cheeks from holding her face. 

Lilith is another touch-starved bitch so they are like two polarised magnets initially, but after a while it changes. Beatrice falling asleep against Lilith in the back of the OCS fan. Bea having a panic attack and Mary climbing clear over the handbrake from the front seat (shotgun) to go and hold her very tightly, and rock her, and just say meaningless nice things.

Lilith like a deer in the headlights watching it, but eventually letting Beatrice braid her hair when her hands won’t stop shaking from the adrenaline. at once point they are hiding from possessed ppl & Lilith wraps her whole body around Bea, pressing them together into the shadows, and Beatrice is just… stunned by the closeness of it all. the lemon and sweat smell of Lilith (Bea starts stealing her shampoo after that). 

eventually she knows how to seek touch, how to ask for it & Bea and Lilith become kind of ridiculous about it (just watch the infirmary scene). they sit propping each other up, side-by-side or back-to-back. Bea with her legs flung over Lilith’s lap, reading out of a book in the library. in church playing ‘one-two-three-four, i declare a thumb war’ while Mary loses her shit in the row behind them. 

Beatrice likes braiding hair, and when she’s upset she just clings to ppl (Lilith starts calling her barnacle and also limpet) but both of them need that from each other, & most of the other sisters are just not Bea’s people; she has her three people (four, almost, when Cam arrives). 

with Mary it’s a lot of rough shoving and headlocks and kicking each other’s calves and ‘hey, think fast!’ followed by Mary chucking something at Bea. 

with Shannon it’s the face-touching, and her arms folding Bea into a hug to end all hugs. & obviously with Ava we have Beatrice the little spoon, & her quiet amazement at how much Ava likes touching her arms or pecking her on the cheek - i don’t think she was raised to believe that people might long to touch her, and where Lilith hid her longing pretty deftly, Ava is much more open about it; it’s part of what shocks her when Ava hugs her very suddenly that first time in Cat’s Cradle after the wall incident - not the touch, but the recognition of Ava’s hunger for it. i think it occurred to Beatrice that maybe Ava could not even remember the last time someone hugged her like that. i think she understands& once they’re together it’s stupid how often they are in contact with each other, but it’s Bea’s love language, i think.

sensory issues. texture is obviously a thing for Beatrice. specifically with food, but also with clothes. you’ll see (in the show) that she tends to favour clothes that are loose around the arms (part of her reasoning being that it’s easier and better to fight in loose-fitting clothes) but yeah she’s not a fan of tight clothing. likes pressure on her own terms. she likes sweaters and tank tops, men’s-section t-shirts because the weird v-shape of women’s sleeves is foul and heinous. she does like to button shirts all the way up to the top because for unknown reasons it feels safe and precise.

sound is not too bad for Bea. she’s used to a lot of shouting in martial arts training (the use of a kiai in kendo is well-established & often super loud. she kind of likes that, shrieking at the top of her lungs with permission) and also gunshots with the OCS. none of it bothers her more than gunshots are just super unpleasant to hear for anyone. 

she does enjoy asmr though. ocean sounds especially (thunder is bad unless there’s a really predictable interval between bouts of thunder) hates those deep-space ones because the bass makes her feel dizzy.

she just also really likes the sound of the people she loves talking. sometimes she can get Lilith to say more than four sentences together & it’s heaven. Ava obviously has her doe-eyed with her ability to talk about anything, to fill silences with good sound. 

Bea HATES to be shouted at, berated etc. but mostly for trauma reasons, b/c of the whole endless night her parents yelled at her before they sent her away. this is part of the reason that silence makes her a bit uneasy, unless she knows what it means. 

silence with Lilith has a few flavours; she has a happy silence, which is like a cat coming to sit in a room with you. she also has a broody silence, which Bea likes too, actually, because Lilith isn’t angry, she’s just filling the room with the noisiness of her thoughts. her angry silence makes Beatrice want to say around too, but only in the hope of mending things. Mary’s silences are usually good, or else they’re about Shannon. & Shannon has her gentle silences and her hidden silences. the fact is that silence for Bea is rarely actual silence, because she is too attentive to the meanings of silence. 

she likes Ava’s version of silence, which is talking. 

is also very very perceptive of sound - Lilith insists you can’t hear electricity OR spiders moving around, but Bea is adamant that you can, actually. she always knows when there’s a big house spider in her room bc they are NOT stealthy. it’s why she likes asmr - esp. in cat’s cradle - because it drowns out the small noises of the convent which don’t get tuned out by her brain.

light can be annoying for Bea. headcanon is that the museum heist sunglasses were not a brand new acquisition - Ava got them for Bea in Switzerland (‘you shouldn’t read in the sun if you’re gonna squint, bea’) because Beatrice got headaches from too much light, & they looked dorky so two birds with one stone. she does appreciate light, though, and loves sitting in the sun. anything that is not like England. she gets weird and sad when it rains too much. also HATES being rained on. fully sulks about it.

finally, stimming! i think when she’s upset Bea would, ideally, self-soothe by rocking. it’s why Mary does it, because Bea’s parents berated her for it so many times that her body freezes up at the thought. 

she likes to braid hair, as i said. likes tapping things, fiddling with things in her hands - reason why she’s so ‘puts hands behind back’ ‘puts hands in pockets’ ‘makes hands hold each other so they can’t do their own thing’. but yeah, in Switzerland it happens a lot more. playing with pens, tapping thumb & forefinger, tapping surfaces (very lightly), AHEM skipping stones. just keeping those guys busy. 

asmr is also stimming, btw. & so is eating the right food for the purpose of enjoying the textures. all of the touching. 

she also has mental stims! that r like… doing equations, or running through facts. counting primes. reciting as much of pi as she can in one minute, imagining a clock face and watching it move. i think so much of her stimming is probably mental, actually. rlly fun stims are finding linguistic patterns in things, or translating things back and forth - so like, from english to french to german to latin & then going back without cheating to see if any changes get imposed by counter-translating directly - also spatial reasoning in general is good stimming. thinking, how exactly would that fall? or imagining things swinging or shattering or anything like that, where you have to extrapolate a bit based on instinct and also knowledge. having to be so internal her whole life would have furnished her with a bunch of them, but i think her OCS family bring so many good visible stims to the surface too!

anyway, those are some of my thoughts on autistic bea. i love her very.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

It has become clear to me that pro-choicers (specially pro-aborts) are SO adamant about abortion being available because they see themselves as children, and they think "I could never handle this responsibility! It's way too scary!"

To some degree, I think there's a level of empathy there: they're thinking, "women with hard lives shouldn't have to deal with a scary pregnancy or the responsibility of a baby too!", but ultimately it still comes down to their own childish feeling of being unable to handle adversity, and the assumption that other people are similarly unable. As if they don't think that anyone could ever (or should ever have to) rise to the occasion.

Anyway, I'm disappointed that so many of my friends are so immature, and that's why I'm ranting in your inbox. Hope you're having a good day, anyway.

It's not just that they're mental children, it's that the have this ridiculous expectation that life, by default, is supposed to be easy and stress free. You see it in the way they justify pretty much every single one of their political and social stances. No one is ever supposed to experience harsh words, so we have to limit free speech. Guns scare them, so they need to be banned. Men and white people scare and upset them so they need to be segregated. Work is hard so work should be abolished and we should all live on government handouts. Pregnancy is scary so we should be allowed to kill children at will. Etc, etc, etc.

Everything they don't like now needs to go away. But they have zero ability to understand bigger concepts like natural rights, freedom, personal responsibility. They either don't know or don't care that banning speech and guns and work gives people power over them and their lives. And if they do know, they justify it to themselves by saying that they trust the people in power now so it's okay, never going one step further and realizing that any power you give to the government will eventually be wielded by people you don't trust and who are actively acting against what you want.

We desperately need history, civics and philosophy to be the focal points of all our education. We need to teach children to think about large concepts and understand that things can't always be solved quickly or from the top down. The ability to divide or diagram a sentence means nothing if you can't accurately understand the world around you.

[ruporas]

i've been wondering- what do you think of vash and ww's relationship to pain? do u have any thoughts on it??

cuz i was just thinking like. obviously they're both extremely resilient and don't care much if they get hurt in the process of achieving whatever, but like... as for the pain specifically, i have to wonder.

cuz i'm reading trimax for the first time and toward the end of the sand steamer mess kite basically asks if vash even feels pain. and i mean... he has to, since not that long ago he just hit the floor with a dramatic blood splatter lmao. but like.

is he just suppressing visible reactions? or does he just not feel pain unless it's above a certain level?

and i wanna know about ww too if you have thoughts, i just haven't gotten that far in trimax :')

forgive me if my wording is all over the place, i havent been very elegant in my words Lately, but i am always down to talk about specific shit involving vash and wolfwood,

if we're just talking physical pain, yeah, i think they feel pain normally!

For Vash, he is the master of repression throughout Trimax, so I think naturally, he keeps a strong face no matter the level of hurt, whether on the outside or inner. It's just in his nature to not allow others to worry about him by pulling through with a fake smile or in some cases, he feels like he deserves the pain inflicted on him so even if he's getting pulverized to shit or threatened against his life, he'd default to a silence as opposed to screaming in agony that might make people think he isn't feeling anything. It's probably also second nature for him to no longer yelp or cry at pain after the amount of years he's spent getting hurt, but i think this only applies if he isn't emotionally involved in a fight (which is rare, but it happens in ch. 38).

In terms of physical pain, he seems to feel it like how regular humans do. I've thrown together some examples where he goes owchie owchie owchie that aren't too spoilery:

The Emilio scene is kind of why I don't think he's just playing up the theatrics of feeling pain, though I do think he would on some occasion, especially since he roleplays with children all the time. Verbally saying "ow ow ow" could potentially be an instinctive reaction too or maybe a source of comfort. But yeah!! I think Vash has always been able to feel pain and it's not like being a plant has lessen his ability to do so. Any resilience built is tacked on due to him being alive for 100 years and being a guy with a clear painted bullseye on his entire figure that ends up getting him shot and scarred.

In the end, the pain that gets to Vash the most will always be on an emotional level rather than physical, but Vash is such a genuine person and so present when it comes to other people that even if it's a pain he can take, it'll still hurt him terribly in more ways than one.

For Wolfwood; I think in general, those under the Eye of Michael have a strong resilience to dealing with pain due to the regen potions and the amount of training forced on them. I don't think we ever get the full description of what exactly those in EoM endured throughout their younger years, but we saw WW get shot at an early age in chapter 12 and we can assume it happened more than once. Over and over again until he won't even flinch against it just like how killing without hesitation was attempted to be drilled into him. I don't really know how it works scientifically… but I fully believe that he's mostly numbed to the physical sensation of it and it's the psychological part that gets to him more. Wolfwood himself is a naturally skilled fighter too, not that that really has anything to do with his dealing with pain, but I think his focus and attention on a battle and his stubbornness to win kicks an adrenaline that allows him to ignore the pain.

Though, his body also gets sore and tired just like any regular human does and there's this instance where he goes owie too:

(While NOT as much as Tristamp WW does where he's cracking a cold one every goddamn minute, I do think Trimax WW has gotten used to taking regen pots and thus, can afford to be careless and not give a damn.)

So, physically, technically in canon, they don't really have anything that specially makes either of them unable to feel pain, but just as you said, they're incredibly resilient. And ultimately, the both of them are affected emotionally/psychologically that hurts them more than the physical aspect of it, considering how physical pain is almost a daily chore for them to deal with (Vash being hunted for sport for majority of his life + Wolfwood being involved in experiments/killings for majority of his life.)

I think Trigun in general, while showing physical pain being a strong factor of hurt for regular people like us constantly seeing civiilians get beat up or shot, it tends to boil down to the multiple varieties of pain when it comes to those who deal with physical pain often (Gung Hos, Vash, EoM members).

I didn't know where to put these comments but here are extra thoughts:

They're both evidently really good at hiding their pains or any mark of vulnerability. They both could have a hole in their chest and go days without anyone else noticing so long it isn't killing them.

They're both pretty reckless during battle, but I think for Vash, he already tries to avoid violence at all cost and thus, do in a roundabout way lessen his own chance of getting hit in hoping to not stir that violence against another. As a result, I think Wolfwood can be way more reckless and ends up getting hurt more unnecessarily as a result of it.

They both are capable of healing at quick rates so I'm sure that allows the pain to feel more temporary, less of a risk to sustain, and to further hone in not caring too much about getting shot. That only applies for themselves individually though because every time they see each other get hurt, they're always so so worried despite knowing the other will be fine.

i'm pretty sure i repeated myself like 800 times, but i hope this Answered the question SFGMSDKGSMDKH i also tried to be vague enough in my wordings and focus only on the beginning-ish of trimax so to not spoil! i hope u enjoy ur reading of it!!

[peantbutter-honeycombs]

The Eradith Siblings

Born in the elven city of Syngorn to the Herald of the New Age, Kesstryn Eradith, the Eradith children were putatively raised amongst the cream of elven society. As a young child Talric was always trying to make a good impression on his mother, but they hardly acknowledged his interests and/or achievements due to a general disinterest in him. Regardless, he persisted hoping to gain his mother’s attention.

When he was five, his mother, reoriented his genes, fundamentally refitting his genetics to further her own “studies.” Thusly, his agreeable nature was stripped and replaced with an insecure, opportunistic, and distrustful disposition. Alas, on his sister, Fia’s, second birthday, their mother reformed her body, irrevocably marring Fia’s drafted path in life. In one fell breach of kinship, Fia’s childhood was poached, replaced with endless days of ridicule and exclusion.

In the days following her transfiguration, her brother, Talric implemented a plot that delivered them from the abuses of their mother. On account of this, the two spent the ensuing years, growing up in isolation. After a year or so foraging, they were taken under the wings of half-elven twins, Vax’ildan and Vex’halia Vessar.

Talric Eradith

Talric is a pragmatic and efficacious interbred elven child. He approaches almost all matters with a rigid survivalist attitude that distinctly belies his age. A rather guarded individual, he presents a tendency towards extremely inconsistent social behavior and has a hard time trusting others. Talric has admitted that as much as he craves a meaningful relationship with other humanoids they feel they cannot rely on others to meet their physical or emotional needs. They have trouble believing that any individual, primarily adults, will love and support them as they are. Thus, he’s adopted the isolating defensive mechanism that is social withdrawal. Pushing people away has become his default. Intriguingly, the little boy exhibits an unparalleled self-possessed peace of mind when performing duties in open air environments, especially those involving the exercise of tree climbing.

Considering the mannerisms of other children, Talric is comparatively cautious and calculating, reserving his warmer, gentler moments for his beloved younger sister, Fía. Given that his mother, someone he trusted to unequivocally love and accept him, didn't, his apprehension in social settings is understandable. Vulnerability, more often than not, has rewarded him with nothing but pain. Still, it is unclear to what extent his asocial personality and behavior are genuine. Much of his detached behavior is viewed as a façade for his desperate yet haunting desire for affection; at least from those in his party. He has shown he can be fairly loving and understanding. However, these moments are far and few between and the few performed for anyone other than his sister are even less common.

Deviating from his reclusive bearing, Talric is quite clever and astute; or a “scheming little shit” as numerous individuals throughout the campaign have called him. Aided by an amazingly calculative mind, Talric has shown himself on multiple occasions to be capable of developing and managing intricate traps to injure and incapacitate adversaries. This is perhaps best illustrated in "Best Laid Plans..."(1x50) as he was able to use the variables from the information gathered by his investigation to predict paths that would lead to certain outcomes. This insight allowed him to devise a whole array of booby traps that effectively removed two-fifths of the members of the Herd of Storms from combat. Though he predominantly crafts his traps to be nonlethal, this rather merciful control can be overturned.

Fiannim Eradith

Fiannim is a sentimental, fairly quiet, rapt individual, who like many others her age is also curious minded and venturesome. Nevertheless, having grown up in nearly complete isolation, she is exceptionally wary in unfamiliar settings. Curiously, even with everything she’s highly cognizant of other individuals’ emotional states, good and bad: tied with her innate benevolence, she has an intense desire to help those in need (even to her detriment). Still, as a relatively passive individual she has a tendency to depend on others, namely her older brother, to take the lead in overwhelming social settings. On the whole Fia is a generally sweet, innocent, and diffident little girl. Moreover, according to her older brother, she’s also the most compassionate and merciful person you’ll ever meet.

She is played as a mainly silent character, choosing to use physical language such as pointing and nodding instead of traditional speech. Considering the nature of her childhood, her mousy, subdued behaviors are quite understandable, especially and specifically in unfamiliar social settings. She is shown to be extremely anxious in social situations, which often lead her to “shut down.” While it has been confirmed she can verbally communicate, she is somatically unable to speak around certain people or in certain settings. Her vocalizations are instead expressed in the form of noises reminiscent of bird calls. For all that, there are a select few who she feels comfortable verbally communicating with; namely her brother, the twins, Scanlan and Keyleth.

Despite her insecurities, Fiannim attempts to make sure that others have the things they need to feel safe, secure, and loved regardless of their alignment. Quite the opposite of her brother, she is well known for her warm and disarming presence. On several occasions throughout the campaign she’s seen putting the emotional contentment of others well before her own. Given the fact that she spent the better part of her childhood with few opportunities to interact with others, her inclination to approach both allies and adversaries alike, in a genuinely respectful manner is quite remarkable. Her non-discriminatory mindset and capacity for empathy has graciously equipped her with a demeanor that prompts friendship and trust from most of the individuals she meets, noticeably in the cases of Lady Allura and J’mon Sa Ord.

Art by @oliviajoytaylor

[mythica0]

Here’s a power/ability list for the Supernatural bois! (I’m addition to their normal Ninpo.)

I might’ve posted something similar before but it’s not on the tag so I’m redoing it lol.

Siren!Leo:

-Can breathe underwater

-really fast swimmer

-Hypnotic voice/Siren song

-> has multiple versions/types that he can change between it turn off at will

-> lure: classic Siren song, lures people who hear it towards him. Takes no effort

-> mind control: can control the actions of one person or a group of people. Takes quite a bit of effort, especially for more people. Can only make people do things they are capable of. (I.E;couldn’t make a normal person fly or something.) Frowned upon by his fam except for Donnie

-> influence: can influence the personality of people who hear it. Can make it more specific to a certain person or a few people, but that takes more focus. At default, influences anyone who hears it and takes a small level of effort. (Example: making a group of people angry at eachother.)

-Weakness: dislikes fire and other dryness.

Vampire!Donnie:

-can fly with his bat-like wings

-can turn into a bat

-has sharp fangs (he can drink blood, but dosent need to in order to live. It does serve as food and he often craves blood, however it’s frowned upon by fam except for Leo.)

-has regenerative properties, hard to injure or kill.

-weaknesses: Has pale scales and sun burns very easily. Is repulsed by garlic. Previously mentioned cravings for blood.

Phoenix!Mikey:

-Can fly (like Future Mikey, only way earlier)

- can create and manipulate fire.(is often scolded by Raph for commiting arson in public while fighting.)

-regeneration properties, same as Donnie.

-Can heal others with a special type of flame. (Feels warm, but not hot. Purple in color.)

-Weakness: fire powers don’t work if he is wet. Naturally dislikes water.

Dragon!Raph:

-can fly using his dragon-like wings

-has tougher scales, extremely hard to damage.

-can see farther than average

-can grow to 4x his size, Up to 24 feet tall. (He doesn’t have to go all the way up or down, he can go in multiples. So it’s 6, 12, 18 or 24 ft tall.)

-Weaknesses: Needs a lot of food to support his large size and abilities. If he dosent get enough he can’t grow larger. Has a weaker spot on his tail near the tip.

General/other:

-Leo and Mikey are sort of opposites, and often have teasing squabbles. They still figure out ways to use teamwork, however.

-Leo and Donnie both have wack moral compasses, Raph is always worried if they ever go out alone together.

-Leo is very flirtatious, being a Siren, and also very very gay.

-while we’re on the subject of sexuality, Donnie is AroAce, Mikey is Pan, and Raph is Bi. They’re all cis men.

-Raph has additional spikes on his arms than in canon.

-Mikey has fire-like marking under his eyes and has some feathers that grow out of his arms and legs.

-sometimes during fights or on missions Raph will grow to his full size, or just one of his other larger sizes, and carry his brothers around in his hand for fast travel, or to rescue them.

-Leo and Donnie work together to cause a lot of mischief. Leo has helped Donnie get blood from a hospital and several occasions. (These disaster twins got even more disaster-y)

-Due to being a night owl and how easy he burns, Donnie hates going outside during the day.

Any questions or thoughts about the AU? Please share! My ask box is always open!

Tagging: @someone1348 @tastybluesprite @sunsetsandsunshine @anxious-lee @veryblushyswitch @vxlepop

[gladstones-corner]

Another Personal Aside

I noticed that I often touch on appropriation. It's primarily with respect to Kabbalah, but today I'm going to go in a different direction. 

Generally speaking, I try to remain aware of appropriation in my practice. When I find it, I make an effort to stop and replace it with non-appropriative substitutes. 

So today, I'd like to walk through what such a process looks like. 

Let's focus on an object I like to call the Magician's Purse. Here's the definition: a small pouch that contains objects of magical significance—including (but not limited to) items from the natural world, charms, and tools. 

Keen eyes will likely recognize the parallels between the Purse and the Medicine Bag of many indigenous cultures. 

Before we go any further, let me stress that the Purse does not hold the same complexity nor significance as the Medicine Bag. I am not a member of any Indigenous Peoples and cannot lay claim to any of their traditions. 

But there's the rub: at what point does it become appropriation to carry such a pouch? I'll try to answer by starting with the contents of my own Purse. 

I have a strong belief in crystals, so I carry three specific ones that I tap into on occasion. I have made or obtained several charms over the years, so I carry them with the crystals. Finally, I carry some pocket tools—a wand, a pentacle, and several forms of divination. 

So, why can't I just keep everything loose inside my daily bag? 

The answer is that I carry different bags, depending on the day. It's a hassle to pull everything out of one bag and into a second one, only to do it again soon after. 

The solution? I have a large dice bag that I put everything into—a nice, neat package that I can simply swap between bags as needed. 

That's all well and good, except it still sounds like a Medicine Bag. So let's look at some definitions and alternatives to see if we can find any. 

I'm not going to lie. A quick online search of "Indigenous Medicine Bag Definition" nets hundreds of websites from people claiming to be shamans without understanding the cultural context of the term. As a result, most information we get from these sites is dubious at best. 

That being said, there are enough common threads that I think I'll take a stab at a general definition here: a pouch or bag—typically made from natural materials—that houses items critical to the tradition and practice of the owner. It includes (but is not limited to) feathers, herbs, crystals, and bones. Its purpose is to serve as a repository of wisdom, knowledge, and power for magic and healing. Bags are highly personal and often have rituals associated with opening, using, and repacking them. 

I'm sure I'm not doing the Medicine Bag justice with this definition. That being said, it's the best I can do with my limited knowledge and experience. 

Alright, so with that definition let's compare. The Magician's Purse comes dangerously close to appropriation, and here's why: any catch-all bag of magically significant items would, by default, be considered an extension of its owner. Using any items contained therein would make the bag a repository of magical power and knowledge. 

So what makes it not appropriation? I'm not sure; but I believe there's something to be said for intent. 

In an earlier post I asked about studying as a function of appropriation. The conversation it sparked brought an interesting point to light: if your intention is to remove something appropriative, then understanding the thing you're meant to remove is not always considered appropriation in and of itself. 

But does that apply here, where we're not so much replacing a practice as accidentally emulating it? And does the practicality of such a bag, when used under the right intention, circumvent appropriation? And if so, at what point does intention become a bulwark against any and all claims of appropriation in one's practice? 

I'm going to digress for a moment and point out that these are questions that plague the entire New Age movement. From Chakras to Tarot to even Angels, we are constantly faced with watered-down versions of what would be deep, enriching pieces of our practice. But no matter how much we sanitize these concepts, we are still appropriating. 

So what, then, is this exercise futile? Am I resigned to appropriating with my Purse? 

No, I don't think so. I think a level of nuance is required here. I think in this instance, you have to view it for what it is: a catch-all for the things I'd alternatively have loose in my backpacks. 

It would be different if I was going to consecrate the bag with the express intent of using it as a magical object. I'm not filling it with specific items to mimic the Medicine Bag. If anything, it's more like...a magic fanny pack. 

But at the end of the day, it's not for me to say. It's for the communities that legitimately use items like Medicine Bags in their practice. I'm eager to hear their opinions on the matter—and would love to hear alternatives from them, if they're available. And if not, I can make peace with loose items in my bag.

[natsubeatsrock]

I'm Still Thinking About Fairy Tail and Rave Master After All These Years

I'm going to level with you. The original post was a mistake.

Any reason to think that way about my own writing?

Surprisingly, no one else did. As much as my writing hasn't aged well, this post shows how naive I was back then.

The comparisons to Fairy Tail and Rave have been made time and again. It's a prime source of annoyance for fans of Rave. I knew that making the original, but I get it more now. Most (not necessarily all) people making these comparisons don't know what they're talking about. I said this about RWDE and got pushback. Here, some things said about similarities can be refuted with a second reading of Rave. Or, on occasions, a first reading.

Although, I will say Mashima isn't doing himself favors. It's insane how many references and callbacks to his past works Mashima's current works have. I didn't mind it as much in Fairy Tail, even getting more of what happened. Reading EZ (and Black Rock, but I'm really behind) and seeing the callbacks to past works. My default reaction to these things in my Quick Notes is as follows: *sigh*.

Some people will tell you it's lazy, but I don't see it that way. Some of these connections are pretty cool to see across different worlds. And, outside of the obvious ones, the callbacks are done with enough distinction between them. Honestly, seeing the same things over and over again is annoying. I'd rather see another Ajeel-Yajeel situation than go to another Mildian anything.

Don't even get me started on Sieghart.

Hold on. Let's talk about that.

Technically speaking, the design is based on a character from Mashima's debut one-shot: Magic the Illusion. However, the character design we recognize throughout his works is first seen in Sieghart from Rave. The design shows up because Mashima didn't feel great about how he ended his character arc. I'm not willing to spoil that in this post, but having reread the situation... I don't blame him for bringing Sieghart back.

In Fairy Tail.

Justice isn't always similar to the others. However, that was when it started to be taken too far. Of course, Mashima had to do it again for HERO'S. At that point, we'd gone too far. Seeing a cover with all the different look-alikes was more annoying than endearing. It's not necessarily uncreative, but it's not welcome.

This might not be the most annoying comparison. I'm more annoyed with the comparisons between Nalu and...

Harelie? Whatever the Haru and Elie ship is called.

Let's get this out of the way. They might be Mashima's best ship. I'm not sure I'm breaking new ground with this. But I would unironically put them up as one of Shonen manga's best ships. Unlike many ships, their development felt natural. It was a delight to see them become endgame. (We'll get to that end.) I would say there are writers better than Mashima who could learn from his romance writing.

The issue is that, of course, fans try to read their dynamic into Nalu. I'll admit some panels share parallels with each other.

Fans agree that Haru is a better parallel to Lucy. In the same way, Natsu parallels Elie. I don't particularly disagree with that view. However, it does ignore things they have in common with their gender counterparts. You can't tell me Haru's fights aren't closer to Natsu's than Lucy's. It's interesting to think of Haru as something like Lucy in Natsu's role or Elie as Natsu in Lucy's role. Still, there are ways that Natsu and Lucy's relationship is different from Haru and Elie's. That's not just more mud to sling at Nalu's romance. Lucy's narrative role in Fairy Tail is unique among all of Mashima's heroines as the closest thing to the "series narrator" the story has.

Speaking of which, I have to talk about my girl Elie. I don't think anything gave me more appreciation of Elie than HERO'S. I feel like Lucy gets too much flak. I've jokingly referred to Rebecca as "Elie Heartfilia" on occasions. However, I love how Elie is handled. She's more willing to take an active role in situations, which is helped by [spoilers for the series]. I love that Mashima did this with his female lead. It's disappointing we never saw this as much from other leads. (Unless I'm missing something in Black Rock.)

Though, as I have said before, Mashima does write female characters with active roles and the ability to fight. Some (not most or all) writers show female characters as inferior to their male counterparts. I always think of Asuna in SAO getting shown up by Kirito. (inb4 "But what about Mother's Rosary?") That's not a consistent issue with Mashima's writing. I love it. It's not just the key players. Minor women and one-off female characters get great moments.

I say that, but Mashima has never shied away from fanservice. I used to be super against fanservice, but I've mellowed out over the years on this issue. Not enough that it doesn't annoy me to see some of the things Mashima has done over the years. I know I just talked up Elie, but Haru's introduction to her was accidentally seeing her panties while sitting down. They look back at it like it was a funny moment. It feels wrong.

However, I need to bring up the most contentious example of this. Rave fans might think I'm talking about one of Julia's fights. Tempting as it is, this doesn't take place in canon. During a volume Q&A session, Mashima mentioned that he got a request to draw the Rave girls showering. His objection was that parents probably wouldn't enjoy seeing that in a volume, which is commendable.

Then he does it anyway with a not to tell the parents.

Let's get this straight. This isn't a fanservice issue. Mashima's had plenty of opportunities to draw characters in undress. They were mermaids for a bit. That was a reasonable vehicle for fanservice. The actual picture isn't the most gratuitous he's drawn. (read: you know the Julia fight Rave fans) 

My issue is one of judgment. Mashima recognized that what he was asked to do might not be the best thing. Yet, he did it anyway and tried to be slick about it. This is worse with the hindsight of the Internet and electronic volumes.

This attitude extends to the ending.

Oh boy, the ending.

When I made the original post, this was my first time experiencing a Mashima ending to a manga. If you didn't read my thoughts, I was very positive about it. I loved how things played out, watching sad things get undone, and finding out how Levin tied into the main series. It was all incredible.

It's been [EIGHT] years since then. Fairy Tail ended, and I've read Mashima's other works. Not to mention, I've finished other manga.

I think it's sad that Mashima saves some of his worst writing for the end of a series. It's almost like he doesn't wish for the series to end. I'm not joking when I say his best ending might have been HERO'S. While Fairy Tail was only a break in hindsight, the others didn't end well. It's not much better in EZ now.

I still think that it's great to see the main ship payoff. I made that panel my background on two computers. However, it would have been much better to see how things got to where they were. Perhaps a few chapters to deal with that and end on chapter 300.

That said, it's fair to say this still ranks among the best of Mashima's writing. The only thing that comes close to it is EDENS ZERO, but I think this edges it out (for now). It's crazy that there are so many ways to read the series. With multiple Humble Bundle opportunities and the publishing of Kodansha's version as ebooks, fans owe it to themselves to give it a shot.

I'm proud to say that, over the years, I've collected physical copies of the complete series. It wouldn't be possible without those pandemic stimulus checks. I've been able to reread the whole series as it was published by Tokyopop, save the last three volumes. I went through it with scanlations my first time around. I reread one chapter in the scans because it was in full color, but nothing beats reading the physical books.

There might be a project I have down the pipeline for Rave. I intend to talk about one connection between Fairy Tail and Rave.

In Conclusion:

Stop whatever you're doing, click off Tumblr, and read Rave Master! NOW!!!!!!!

[batmanego]

https://www.tumblr.com/janemorris/729013196299567104 can we go full supermarket sweep on jailbird im sso hungry

Yes. We can. but im putting it under a cut because its going to be so long + im taking out the questions i already did

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC's appearance? What's their distinguishing feature?

THE HAIR. jailbird's hair is a defining feature. i actually made a little list of jailbird's most prominent features recently.

i still think the hair is probably his most defining feature, though it's pretty similar to glory's. i still think their silhouettes are distinct, though -- glory's hair is more coily, jb's is a little looser.

face: Describe your OC's face. What's their smile like? Are their orbs cerulean? What would someone notice first when looking at them?

still got baby fat. when he grows up, it's a little more angular, especially in the chin area, but he's always kind of got soft cheeks. he's got kind of a perma-scowl going on most of the time. when he does smile it's usually kind of malicious in nature. he has braces.

stature: What's your OC's body type? How tall are they? Do they wear clothing to accentuate their look or do they try to mask it?

skinny. skiiiiiiinny. jailbird isn't really malnourished, though he could probably stand to eat a little better, but he is scrawny. very gangly. every time i draw him i think his proportions lead people to believe he's much taller than he actually is: at the start of the story, he's about 5'1, and by the end he's about 5'4. in the epilogue, his adult height is roughly 5'7. his civvy clothing is intentionally pretty baggy and layered to give the impression of more meat on his bones.

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

jailbird is extremely flexible. think somewhere between a contortionist and a gymnast. he tends to move very quickly and always seems like he's in a hurry.

stillness: How does your OC act while still? Are they fidgety? Do they have any common gestures or tics? Does their clothing affect how they hold themselves while at rest?

jailbird is actually very good at sitting still. he has no problems with it. he can sit unmoving for as long as it takes, but only if he's doing it of his own volition. if you ask him to sit still, he gets huffy about it.

canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?

jailbird has his ears pierced. i'm struggling to think of any tattoos he might want as an adult. he gets a WHOLE LOT OF SCARS during his time as a supervillain, the most notable of which is A MASSIVE SCAR ON HIS ABDOMENT from when he gets impaled on his own harpoon. Best birthday ever!

night: What does your OC wear to sleep? Do they have a favorite pair of PJs, or are they more the birthday suit type?

silk pajama set. monogrammed. Actually im laughing really hard at the image of him getting them monogrammed with "JV" because thats probably not what his "actual" initials are

day: What does your OC wear on a normal day? Why do they default to those clothes? Do they wear similar things, or do they change it up?

i've noted this in his character sheet:

generally, any t-shirt over any turtleneck, bonus points if red yellow black and white. this is really consistent in most if not all art of him.

you can even see it in haircut! red outline is apron, blue is shirt, green is turtleneck.

as a fun design note, the school colors were intentionally chosen to oppose he and eugene's natural red motifs. something about institutional repression of individualism... i can't remember my exact justification for it, but i know it was something like that.

formal: What's your OC's formal look? Do they like dressing up? Do they have different looks for different occasions?

jailbird's not a huge fan of fancy events. he gets dragged to them sometimes but otherwise wants to avoid the public eye. i'd say the most you'll get him in aside from his school uniform is a t-shirt, slacks, and a blazer.

informal: What's your OC's lazy-day look? How do they like to dress when they're winding down?

he's wearing it in haircut:

bunny socks are a feature that i outlined kind of as a joke while drafting haircut, but i liked the idea so much that they stuck around. anyway, it's his usual upper half with a pair of sweatpants or just loose cotton pants.

outerwear: What's your OC's outerwear situation? Jacket, sweater, cloak? What sort of weather do they deal with most and how do they protect themselves?

depends on the season. most of the time he'll forgo it. in the winter he gets what he's wearing in this picture:

(he's the one in the middle complaining.) he gets cold easily.

footwear: What does your OC wear on their feet?

combat boots or converse sneakers. when in costume he has those big knee high platforms. scary!

road: What does your OC wear while traveling? Do they have high-quality equipment, or are they making do? What does their gear look like?

jailbird doesn't really travel that much! if he did, he'd way overpack and use the most expensive equipment known to man. it would piss everyone off.

armor: What kind of armor does your OC wear? Is it well kept? Bonus: where does it come from? Is there a story behind it?

jailbird has padding under his suit. it's supposed to be at least somewhat bulletproof, though that's only on the chest and head. he learns after the "harpoon to the gut" incident why full body armor is likely a good idea. he also has elbow pads and the mask functions as a helmet.

arms: Does your OC have any weapons? What weapons do they carry, and how do they wear them when they're not fighting?

oh yes. Ohhh yes. one of my favorite jailbird gimmicks is his bottomless pouches -- he can store almost anything that will fit through the opening in them. however, he has only a rudimentary ability to control what he pulls out. the more he uses an item, the easier it is to find which is why his harpoon gun is easy and why it fits -- it's huge, but it's relatively narrow and can fit into the biggest pouch on his side, and it's his favorite weapon, so it's no problem.

roots: Is your OC's look inspired by any specific style of clothing or fashion trend? What are the roots and/or inspiration for their look?

not really? he's sort of loosely inspired by mall goth fashion, but that's more to do with color schemes than anything else. if i had to assign an actual aesthetic to specifically his way of dress, i guess it would be skater culture. which is funny, because he's not the skater of the team! eugene is! and eugene's aesthetics are based more on grunge and punk!

texture: Does your OC favor any specific kinds of cloth or textures? Is there anything they can't wear or don't like? What sort of fabrics do they prefer?

jailbird prefers his clothing to be baggier and looser. his costume is built for agility and speed, so he's willing to sacrifice comfort for function. his mental state is also in a pretty different place when it comes to civs vs costume.

wardrobe: How big is your character's wardrobe? Do they wear things threadbare, or can they afford new clothes often? Are they any good at mending and repairing their own clothing?

pretty big. i don't think jailbird buys new clothes very often, and he's really good at sewing and repairs. i think the only thing he probably has to get taken in or buy replacements of are his shoes. everything else he can usually fix on his own.

makeup: Does your OC wear makeup? How often? What kind? Why do they wear makeup, and do they like it?

yes, all the time. jailbird always has some level of black eyeliner and eyeshadow on. it's heavier in costume, blacking out the space around his eyes, but he wears it all the time. he just likes the way it looks.

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

the magen david eugene gives him quickly becomes very important to him. aside from that, it's his fingerless gloves. never seen without them.

change: Has your OC ever drastically changed their appearance? Significant haircuts, big tattoos, complete wardrobe swap, etc? Why? How do they feel about the change?

nope. not really, at least. in the epilogue, he's old enough to grow facial hair, and he starts wearing short sleeves. and grows his hair out some. but he's still the same old jailbird. he feels neutrally about it.

alternate: What would your OC's alternate universe look be? If they're a fantasy character, what's their modern look? If they're sci-fi, what's their fantasy look? What AU would you want to see your OC in, and how would they dress themself? Bonus: Prompt an AU!

i've mentioned before the concept of the vey in tremont, which are a type of superhero predestined to die a violent, brutal death usually as a result of their own powers or hubris. when initially writing the basic concepts of new blood, especially for the characters, i considered making jailbird vey, and then decided against it for a number of reasons (mostly because i felt that in jailbird's case, it would lean too heavily into capital punishment), but it's sort of stuck with me ever since. i think it would be a lot of the same, except as soon as jailbird realized he was vey, he would construct and detonate a nuclear bomb.

if i had to put him in any other genre, i think he'd be funny in high fantasy. specifically in any kind of dnd setting. oh man. he'd be the world's most annoying warlock.

while i was typing this, you sent me this message:

and i need it to be known that he would absolutely be like that chris fleming bit about how the stranger things cast are going to convince jimmy fallon to deface an orphanage.

[starsmuserainbow]

Encyclopedia of Tamaran - Honnatarl

Repost from before this blog was a multi. Basically, this is a similar ‘series’ to the ‘Headcanon Time’-things, just posts that might occasionally appear on my blog and talk about some details of tamaraneans or their world, or in the case of the 'Encyclopedia'-entries, but more about one specific thing or creature.

This post here is made to introduce you to the Honnatarl, a tamaranean creature that has similarities to the earthen reindeer.

More below the cut, as usual - even links to two awesome refs that amazing people did for me that I still love very very much!

Even back when Tamaran still was a luscious tropics-like planet basically all-around, it was a rare sight to spot a Honnatarl, and it was even rarer (if at all possible) to be able to approach one or try to befriend or catch it. Due to the nature of the species, the tamaraneans so far have not been able to say for sure if the species has died out or is still existing on their world, after the catastrophe.

Their fur is of a dark brown color, and usually there is a flower-like pattern on their backside. Unlike most species of reindeer that exist on Earth, a Honnatarl always has antlers, regardless of its gender. Seasonally, there are protrusions growing on the antlers, that resemble red flowers, though most likely aren’t actual flowers. That’s only guessing though, since no tamaranean so far has managed to research those protusions. Their tail is mostly resembling what the earthen bunnies have, and their ears are somewhat similar to cats’ ears, including the movement according to the mood. Their nose by default glows faintly red in the dark, and the Honnatarld (that’s how you call multiple of them, by the way) are able to make the nose glow stronger if they wish. It serves also as a form of communication within the species, to blink the glow of the nose in patterns. Some tamaraneans have before tried to imitate the glowing with their own energy, in attempts to both understand the Honnatarl’s communication and also to perhaps approach one without it running away, but it is either simply not similar enough to have the hands (or eyes) glow instead, or they didn’t understand the patterns as well as they thought.

Most times, it is rather difficult to tell the males and females apart - the male antlers are a hint bigger, but not as much that it’s directly recognizeable; and the females usually carry markings throughout their body that can glow, but unless it is one of those times when the markings do glow, they are only barely visible through the fur. It is unclear when, why or how exactly it happens, but the markings of the female Honnatarld are on occasion glowing in a brilliant gold, which then of course makes a defining of that one as a female rather easy. The males do not carry such markings, or perhaps simply not in a way that is even in the slightest visible through their fur, and definitely not capable of glowing. While any earthling might expect a species that is as reindeer-like as the Honnatarld to have hooves, they are in fact not having such. Their feet are ending in dexterous toes with talons.

(Two awesome people offered to do reference-pictures for me for this species, so here are the links! Here, and here!)

The Honnatarld are very timid, perhaps skittish, creatures, and tend to flee the scene from even the slightest noises. Since they can move fast, and are also capable of flight, it is rare that any potential danger - or anyone, really - can keep up with them. While rather rare to come close to for others, they do occasionally meet with another of their own species. There has not been any sighting of a larger group yet, though, so presumably they prefer small groups, if any.

They are herbivores, and their favourite food is Jellorel (see here for a little bit of details on that) - they usually take it before it falls from the trees.

[lessapander]

Right, so. Just the grande finale/whatever the name of the final route is called to go, and I thought I might ramble a little to get my thoughts in order about Steam Prison (specifically on Switch, so Fin's route is included by default).

Mild spoilers under the "read more". Nothing plot-based, just my personal thoughts about world-building or personality stuff with the LI's/Cyrus.

tl;dr: I liked this game, but the plot and pacing really drags a lot, and I feel like it was trying really hard to not be an otome game, and getting dragged down by the fact that it is, indeed, an otome game.

World Building: Right off, this is my favourite part of the whole game. There was so much room for cool exploration of the differences between the Heights and the Depths that I feel got kind of pushed to one side. I suspect that this is because the otome-ness of the game interfered with really exploring that, but it still had a lot of (ahahaha) depth to it. The fact that the two cultures have deviated written languages was a very interesting point that I felt should've really been explained more, for example. Or why the people in the Depths revere Yune, though he only became a saint after leaving for the Heights. What's up with that? I kind of hope some things may get a bit clearer once I do the final route, but I'm not holding my breath.

Voice Acting: Always top notch. No complaints. Excellent casting choices. Especially impressed with Furukawa Makoto (Adage) and Shingaki Tarasuke (Fin) during their anguished scenes. Also deeply enjoyed Kameyama Yuji (Sachsen) in his very villainous role. I'm not in the camp of wanting a route for him, but I can definitely understand why. They really let him go wild in that role.

Eltcreed Route: I went in thinking he'd be my favourite LI and was wrong for once. He's just kind of weird and inconsistently written. They tried to hint that he's got an iron fist ruling his territory in his route, but it really doesn't come across well (it was better executed in Ulrik's with a few points, but ... still a bit meh). His route did provide me with some of the best one-liners of the game, however, and spawned an in-joke with my partner as a result of some of the dialogue options.

Ulrik Route: Probably the least logical among the LI's in terms of ending up with Cyrus. His plot was the highest stakes (in my opinion) but also kind of dithered out in a few of the endings. It felt like they chose one ending that would be "the ending" for each of the routes, but I really felt it with Ulrik's. Most of his endings (and the Elt ending hidden in his route) didn't really have the same ring of sincerity for me. I did like him as a character, but not as a love interest for Cyrus.

Adage Route: Similar to Ulrik, I felt like his route was a bit illogical but only really had one ending that was up to snuff. It was very satisfying finding more out about the overall plot in his route, and starting to solve the mysterious nature of Cyrus' parents' death, but I again felt like he just wasn't a very good fit for her romantically. A lot of the romance kind of got in the way of other plot and on occasion annoyed me. The pacing and timing of the route also was really bizarre and hard to track at times. However, the intertwining of Fin's story and Ines' behind the scenes work with the HOUNDS was expertly woven in on route-replay. Thumbs up to that. I actually was very pleased to see how that was handled. Similar to Eltcreed, some of the one-liners in this route have resulted in an in-joke with my partner about childbirth and where babies come from.

Ines Route: So his endings were a bit more varied and made sense, but I really hate the final CG for his good ending. It's a personal nitpick, though. Overall, he was kind of my least favourite of the LI's because he was just so ... bland. He almost never committed to anything until the very end of his route, and his brushing off of Sachsen's rampages really kind of bothered me. His route does have some of the most twisted Fin interactions hidden in it, though (oh man, poor Fin).

Yune Route: I wondered how romance with an immortal god-like being would go and didn't expect the direction this route took. Turns out, he's a little bit of a sociopath. Go figure. Playing this route after Ines was a bit refreshing, because he has a similar attitude of apathy to Ines, but at a basically global scale. Most of his endings made sense, though I was very annoyed that his "good" ending puts the majority of the plot and story after the credits with no choices to be made. I get why it was done that way, but man. Annoying.

Fin Route: Poor. Fucking. Fin. I think his is probably the overall best otome route and the one I enjoyed the most, and it's probably due to the fact that he and Cyrus have so much history to build on. It felt more organic than the other romance routes, even though there was less plot and overall development. It really felt like the other routes were trying to be a regular VN and build a story around a really cool world with the romance shoehorned in as an afterthought, while Fin's was pure otome with a bit of the world surrounding them. So it was kind of a nice one to end with, honestly. I was starting to get a bit burnt out on the half-assed love affairs. That said, I do have some beef with Cyrus in this route (I have beef with Cyrus in every route, but especially this one lol).

Impressions of Cyrus: There's good and there's bad. She's sassy, has a strong sense of justice, and takes decisive actions. She's a bit of a feminist and very resilient. But because they wanted to her to also be naive to romance and sex, the writing sometimes goes way too far off track and is completely illogical. There are times where it's funny (watching her learn about childbirth was amusing and fine; watching her learn about affection and romance was heart-warming) and times where I rolled my eyes because it just ruined scenes (eg: she knows what rape is, she knows rape is bad and protects other women from sexual assault, but somehow doesn't know that consensual sex exists???). There are holes in her logic in this area in particular that drove me bonkers, because there was no pattern to what she did and didn't comprehend when it came to relationships other than "love, BAD". Her happy ending with Fin was actually soured somewhat for me because of these misunderstandings.

So would I recommend it? Yeah. I would. And I'm looking forward to the fandisc. But man, it wasn't an easy one to get through. I used the skip function a lot more often during replay than I normally do (I have 100+ hours in a lot of otome games from just re-reading the dialogue to get new endings or missing scenarios, to see how it looks with fresh eyes; I did not do that with this game).

I also followed a guide to get the non-happy endings so I didn't have to spend time floundering about (which I normally enjoy a lot in otome games and VNs).

[stella-videntis]

Headcanons -- '-core' Aesthetics [& Overall Fashion Taste]

Fairy Grunge. Witchcore. Cottagecore. Astralcore. Forestcore. Softcore. Gothcore and Pastelcore on the side.

Being raised in a home within the forests of Monaco's seaside village, seeing the stars every night, and being in touch with the supernatural, influenced the way Crendessa dresses. Earth tones are her go-tos; deep muddy browns (or khakis), maroon reds, moss greens, charred black oaks, dark stone greys, with the occasional ivory (or white), baby blues (or deep blues), lavenders (or deep purple), and pinks. Mind you, Crendessa is not a total Goth at heart, as she is still a Christian girl, despite what she is. But that does not stop her from having beautifully black manicured nails and wear crucifix jewelry. She often tries her best not to dress too close like a hippy or a complete Goth, and she would often mix up the core-styles sometimes. Little symbol motifs you would see on her person are little things such as mushrooms, butterflies, eyes, leaves, crosses, stars, and certain flowers.

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Crendessa's clothing style, by default, is comfortable and relaxed, and loves to dress in layers: oversized sweaters, coats, shawls, cardigans, and sweater dresses. Long, flowy maxi skirts, ballerina flats & ankle boots (NOT the grunge boots), pantyhose/stockings & leggings. She prefers to keep herself mostly covered, because she's embarrassed by her body, doesn't want to reveal the tattooed scar on her inner thigh, and she's an overall humble girl. It's rare to see her wear a simple t-shirt, fitted jeans, sneakers, short dress, and miniskirt. Regardless of how she dresses, Despite being part of a well-off family, she's not such a fashionista or glamour girl, as she prefers to be natural as much as possible...but that doesn't mean she's incapable of dressing up lavishly, if need be, for special occasions. The only time she somewhat breaks her clothing code is during the summer and Autumn, where she tends to wear less layers.

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Crendessa almost always wears her hair pinned up, and her hair is very long. She always cuts her hair short at the start of every Summer, and she would sometimes sell it for money. It's rather common for her to tell people that her hair color is natural, not dyed. Sometime her hair can be slightly unkempt, as if she were playing outside. When her hair is down, it is always straight, silky and smooth, and it is often a sight to behold because of how ethereal it looks.