#he has been shitty and done shitty things

[reedeemable]

You know what gets me about Stolas' relationship with Blitz? Is that there are some bad things that have come from it. Heartbreak, losing his daughter, losing his cosy life etc etc and there clearly have been times where he wonders if it was all worth it but no matter how many times he wonders "what if?" he never truly regrets it cause no matter what happens, with Blitz he is truly free.

He doesn't have to keep up appearances. He doesn't have to pretend. He can just be him. Yeah, they've had their ups and downs due to how they handle their own traumas and how they project themselves instead of being honest but you can see from the recent episodes that Blitz is done being that side of himself and Stolas can see it to. If he didn't have all of this shit going on, Stolas would be so happy right now.

Stolas has never said to Blitz that he wished that he never slept with him because no matter how shitty his life is right now, he knows that it's all worth it at a chance for his own happiness.

I just love how despite everything they both feel about their relationship; regret has never been one of them.

[followmetoyourdoom]

Chapter 2 now out here on ao3 or below the read more:

Chapter 2 - The Associate

Summary: Delve into Mika's thoughts now on the night before a watch. What secrets might they have uncovered?

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Picture this: it's late evening, though it's been dark for hours. Outside a soft flurry of snow swirls in delightful patterns that blur the lights in windows, decorative glowing paper stars illuminating the darkness.

There is a distant laughing and the sound of crunching ice that passes by and catches my attention for a moment.

I sit curled up on a chair by the window, a steaming mug of glögg in my hands and, next to me, a plate licked clean of all but the smallest of gingerbread biscuit and saffron bun crumbs.

Taking a sip, I close my eyes as the warm mulled wine washes over my taste buds.

The fire crackles and, every now and again, pops.

I take another sip and put the mug down, turning my attention to the latest spy novel I've gotten my hands on. A thrilling tale of deception and romance, the main protagonist is deep undercover but there's one person that knows his secret, the one person who loves him most in the world so he must choose between his job and his love.

I can't help but chuckle softly. What a silly premise. The true answer is to pick both, of course.

Next to me there is gentle snoring as my roommate lies stretched out across the entire sofa and then some, catching up on sleep before our shift.

I glance up from my book at him and smile softly. It's funny to think how long we've known each other now. Funnier to think about how much I love him, though I dare not say it. Things are too... perfect, right now. And I'm scared.

I don't want this night to end.

I want the snow to keep up it's steady haphazardous patterns, I want the laughter outside to keep passing by, I want the glögg and the fire to keep me warm, I want to read about mystery and romance until my heart is full.

And I want Him to be next to me for all of it.

As I sit focusing my senses on the present, my mind begins to shift to thoughts of the past instead.

Though sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday, it was six years ago when I first joined the security team for the gävlebocken.

When I started working there, I was warned to look out for a guard called Björn. I was told that his dedication to the goat came before all else. He was stationed there every year, no matter what. That he was cold and withdrawn, and no one had ever been able to get more than a grunt out of him.

I took this as a challenge.

At first I'd just be chatting about my day while on watch, not too much of course, and then I'd notice the little things here and there that he paid most attention to.

I'd admire the goat with him, talk security measures and traps, offer him a lighter.

He doesn't smoke, and never has, but he always seemed to enjoy flicking the flame on and off, on and off. I asked him about it once and he said it was to see the world around him in a new light, that fire had a way of casting everything in warmth and passion.

And so little by little he opened up to me.

We started hanging out together as friends.

He became such a comforting presence to me that it was difficult to stay away. It was difficult to not be next to him whenever I could be.

It was going so well, I almost dared to ask him out. Almost. I could have sworn he liked me.

But then my shitty landlord kicked me and my little Miette out into the street and I had nowhere to go. So I went to him. To Björn.

He welcome us with open arms, despite the sleeping situation.

Though he initially offered to sleep on the couch, I nervously joked that at least we could cuddle for warmth. And since then, that's what we've done.

Of course, the first time was nerve wracking - I hadn't meant for him to take that seriously! I remember being so careful the first few nights and so unsure of whether or not I should clarify the joke aspect of what I'd said.

But I like it. He's warm.

I was only supposed to stay a few weeks until I got back on my feet, until I found my own place again.

It's now been three years.

Björn has been such a welcoming host, and the living arrangement just seemed to work.

He looks at me in a way no other person has ever looked at me before. Although I'm sure we're just roommates and that he doesn't want anything more (he would surely have asked by now afterall) I think I'd be happy if I could spend the rest of my life by his side. In whatever capacity he wanted.

The clock on the mantle piece catches my attention and I'm drawn back to the present. It's a just under half an hour until our shift.

As much as I want time to just stop, I can't live in this particular moment forever.

I can always return to it though.

I smile, thinking about cuddling up together after our shift in front of the fire. That'll be a nice way to see in the next day.

"Björn?" I shake him gently. There's a muffled grunt and then his arm falls to the side of the sofa, his jacket falling open.

A small box tumbles out.

My heart catches in my throat.

The box itself is plain, a simple plain ring box.

A flurry of thoughts rush through my head, like the swirling snow except nothing settles.

Is that what I think it is? Is that for me? Is there someone else I don't know about? Why haven't we spoken about this? I wonder what's inside... Does he kept this on him all the time? How long has he had this? Does he think we're already dating? Does he plan to propose tonight?

The thoughts spin around my head, overlapping each other and repeating, and I'm just caught, frozen, a deer in headlights.

Björn snores loudly and shifts his weight.

In a flash I act. My hands snatch the ring box up and slip it back into his inside pocket. I collect up my mug and plate and scurry across to the kitchen section of the apartment.

"Björn!" I call, loud enough to wake a hibernating bear. "We're going to be late, c'mon!"

He awakes with a loud grunt and I can only hope he doesn't think anything is amiss.

My heart is pounding, my fingers fumbling over soap suds and ceramic chips in paintwork. Focus on the details, steady your breathing. Take it all in, ground yourself. Don't. Freak. Out.

"Ready?"

I jump and hastily put the now cleaned mug and plate on the drying rack. "Mhm! Just need my coat!"

And I'm off again, keeping my distance.

He furrows his brow as I leave, in the same cute way he always does.

I feel a tightness in my chest as I pull my coat on.

I want this, right? Want to stay by his side? In any capacity he wants...

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

I can do this, we'll have time tonight to talk about things. Just a nice calm shift under snow and moonlight.

"Ready?" he asks again, holding the door open. His weight shifts between his feet. He's also nervous.

My hands stop shaking, the lump in my throat eases.

I nod. Let's do this.

If you remember this post here about burning the goat via infiltrating the security team and falling in love with a fellow guard, you can now read the first chapter here on Ao3 or under the read more below:

Preaching to the Fire - Chapter 1: The Plan

Summary: Björn has one love in his life and one love only - arson. As a ten year long game plays out, will that change? Delve into Björn's musings and planning as his live long dream unfolds.

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The name's Björn. I work security for one of the most dangerous jobs this side of daylight saving hours. Gävle goat protection squad. It's a tiring job. You sit, you watch, you wait for the next squad, you go home. Repeat the next day. Such is the life for this one month of the year. All other months, I am merely security elsewhere. The exact location is unimportant, I do not stay anywhere else for too long. But to the gävlebocken? I always return. The gentle gaze of its barren eyes, the harsh texture of its dried fur. How I long to bathe it in sweet cleansing light. It captivates me, it always has. And now I am close to it, closer than I've ever been. I will always remember that first year, the lurch in my chest as I was shown the security measures. The way my eyes darted back and forth looking for weakness, looking for ways in. It felt so strange to be keeping others away from it, to be the one keeping it safe. Now, it is year five. I have a clean record, the gävlebocken has always been safe under my care. I am the best at what I do. I have to be for The Plan to work. I cannot mention what The Plan entails. Not to anyone, even Mika, one of my fellow guards I've taken a liking to. The way they laugh at my jokes and say that my big strong arms will protect the goat against all that wish it harm... It is difficult not to like them I suppose. This was not a part of the initial plan but, if I can ignore my feelings and look at this from a practical point of view, it could work in my favour. I can win them over, I think. I hope. For the sake of The Plan of course. Yes. No other reason.

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Year six, things are going well. Mika and I spend time together outside of work now. We are... friends. They have a cat who likes to sleep in my arms when I visit Mika. Mika also likes to sleep in my arms. I think this means they trust me. A terrible decision on their behalf due to The Plan, of course, but I cannot help but smile softly as they nuzzle against my chest in their sleep. They call me their big teddy bear. Part of me wants to keep my distance. I am developing... Feelings for them. Feelings which complicate The Plan, but I cannot turn back now. I simply remind myself this is good. This gives me fuel to add to my fire, as it were. Their trust is valuable after all. They would never suspect I harbour such a dark secret, such A Plan. We often play little games together when we are on watch, thumb wars, arm wrestles, card games, etc... They are very competitive and I enjoy watching the joy spread across their face when they are about to win. It starts at their eyes, they begin to crinkle ever so slightly and shine with desire. Then their lips twitch, first one corner then the next, and finally freckles get squished together and form new constellations. It is a sight to behold even under the streetlamps. I wonder what they would look like under the gaze of a roaring inferno... Oh if only it were so easy to disconnect myself entirely! The other day I even found myself pondering the taste of those gentle lips and I had to quickly excuse myself from the game. They smirked as I left, I think they know something.

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Year seven, Mika is my roommate now, which was strange at first - we only have the one bed, but we got used to it. They say my body warmth is good for the cold we must endure in the winter months. I am not sure what this means for The Plan as a whole. For now I've had to hide a lot of my musings in places they cannot reach such as the top of the fridge, or any shelf at my eye level - though I must be careful with this one, they are good at climbing. The cat also enjoys knocking off items at height. At work I am often regarded as the serious guard in our rota and there is some teasing that Mika has enticed the softie out of me. I would argue the rest never got the time to know me. Surely I do not keep my softest smiles for them... I remember laughing at other times. Here and there. Occasionally. I do not know who I'm kidding, I clearly like them more than a friend. But we live together now! The Plan aside, it would be strange to initiate anything when they cannot leave, would it not? No, I must remain at a safe emotional distance. Besides things are good right now. The other night they cooked a fantastic fillet of fish, they know it is my favourite, and then we settled down together to watch a movie and they fell asleep on my shoulder. I wouldn't want to lose that. Or the way they wrap around my back at night and press close to me. Or the way they make me a sandwich when they are not on watch and they leave me a note. I keep all the notes of course, it would be disrespectful not to. Sometimes it's almost like we are more than just friends... But I think that's just my feelings getting the better of me.

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Year eight. There was an attempt at a burning tonight. I almost hesitated, but I did stop them. I must keep my record clean. I must ensure no-one suspects. I told Mika about it when I got home, about how I tackled the would-be arsonist to the ground and held him beneath me as back-up arrived. Mika shook their head with amusement and joked that perhaps they should try burning the goat while I was on duty. Then their eyebrows started acting strange and I got concerned for their wellbeing. They flicked some water from the sink at me and called me 'cute' for my concern. I do not know what this means. Does Mika also have A Plan? Perhaps they would be a valuable ally in this fight... But no, I cannot risk it. Each day that passes I get closer and closer to the date of The Plan. Just two more years. I have notes of all changes, all attempts, all security codes, anything I could possibly need. The only unknown is Mika. They are an entity unlike any other, small yet strong, silly yet serious, tough yet kind. They look adorable in my sweaters that are several sizes too big for them and fiercer than any guard on duty in their uniform. Their duality is so enticing, so exhilarating. I want to tenderly stroke their cheek as we go over The Plan together, I want to hold them as we muse about escape routes. I want them involved in everything I do. But I cannot. They should not be dragged down with me. As we closer to the date of The Plan, I must slowly wean myself from their gentle embrace.

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Year nine. In my minds eye I see Mika's hand slip into mine, a burning furnace in their eyes. A band in a box in my hand that flickers with the golden and copper light of a simmering blaze behind us. The scent of burning straw fills the air, and our noses wrinkle in joking disgust. There is no one else around, it's just the two of us. I get down on one knee, speak four words, and in my dreams they say yes. I now fear I am in too deep. The ring sits heavy in my pocket. I keep it with me wherever I go. Just in case. I love Mika dearly, wholly, there is only one love that meets them but does not surpass them, and it is ever present in all of my dreams about us becoming us. Could I chose that moment? It would certainly be memorable. Granted, that's if they approve of The Plan, for I have to follow through with it, even now, of course I do. Not out of obligation or out of sunken cost fallacy, but because I want to. Though my dreams have been added to, that one dream has not changed. Mika lies across my lap, sleeping soundly. I stroke their hair and my hand shakes. I do not want them to think less of me. I do not want them to hate me. I wish I could tell them. I wish I could ask them. The words get stuck in my throat everytime I try to say anything about either dream which are now the same dream rolled up together. They murmur softly in their sleep and I wonder if we share any parts of our dreams. What if, after all this time, after all these moments, Mika thinks of me as nothing more than a friend? As I ponder this I find that idea is not as terrifying as the idea of them hating me for committing a crime they would find abhorrent. If they wish to remain friends then friends we shall remain, it is as simple as that. I suppose only time will tell.

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This is the year, year ten. A perfect track record. If we ignore the birds. Under my care we have never lost the goat. Under my dear Mika's care, the same. Tonight we are scheduled in to guard the goat together, 2am - 6am. Tonight is when I put The Plan into motion. Tonight, the weight in my heart and my pocket will ease, one way or another. Mika does not know. I could not bring myself to tell them. We are getting ready to sleep before our shift. I can heard them humming a song through toothpaste. It's hard to believe this might be the last time I hear that muffled refrain. I'm hesitating again. I could just pass this journal over as they walk through the bedroom door. I could offer up my life's work and let it hang in the balance, out of my love for them. But my other love tugs at my heart strings, though they are so different there is no comparison. I cannot choose between them. I can only combine them. So tonight will be a night of burning love.

[uraniumbones]

oh God oh fuck oh God

I didn't know he was wearing his father's clothes. omfg he loves his family so much. Just like that post about all the changes he made to be a good guardian for the twins and then they almost decided to run away. This is just another example of that. He wears his dad's clothes and when his brother sent him that post card saying "please come" he went, and when he fucked up and lost his brother he spent the next thirty years trying to get him back dealing in machinery and mystical forces he does not understand. He loves his family so much even when they don't love him. He loves his family so much and he wants someone to love him too :((( HE'S BEEN ALONE FOR SO LONG why didn't anyone go to Mr mystery's mystery aged birthday party? I'm fucking shrieking at the top of my lungs. In one of the episode's commentary tracks (land before swine?) there's a story Stan tells about how Ford made a kissing robot to learn how to kiss correctly and the only way to turn it off was to kiss it good. And it went off in class and Ford had to kiss the disembodied head in front of everyone to get the siren to stop and then he says "HAHAHAHAHAH hahahaha HAAAHAHAHA..... he was still more popular than me". And is that hilarious? Yes. Is it also heartbreaking? Yes. for fucks sake someone just care about him. This isn't the story of an unpopular nerd brother and a popular street smart brother. This is the story of a golden boy and a black sheep. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[rhymeswithumbrella]

you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.

[dykedvonte]

I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.

Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.

I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

BFTC isn’t really a case of terrible characterization for Jason so much as it was a terrible case of victim blaming. Like yeah, some of the things Jason did were a bit extreme compared to his “better” appearances, but that’s nothing new and pretty much true of many stories that aren’t utrh or lost days. The bad parts are are also definitely exaggerated by fans.

The story isn’t centered on Jason. Of course every other character’s description of Jason would be knee-jerk dismissive and misunderstanding, since (again) the intention was to make Jason out to be the cartoony bad guy villain. But if you look past the layers of grime they added, the bare bones of his characterization are not entirely incorrect. It’s a biased story in which their intended criticisms of Jason’s morals often fell short, so to compensate they deliberately cranked up his motivations to be more extreme and unrealistic (but one which, nonetheless got Jason’s overall thoughts and goals relatively consistent with stories that portrayed him accurately).

Yes, him shooting Damian was out of character, but granted we’re all in agreement that it was a true case of “bad writing decision”, I don’t think it’s hard to look past. The only other bit people probably complain about (which felt iffy at worst) was him being “a bit enthusiastic” at times in trying to convince Dick to become another lethal Batman (you can just as easily say Jason wouldn’t have been personally invested enough to have acted in the way he did). I don’t care though because he was probably doing it for shits and giggles, and it was funny watching him push their buttons on his spare time while being excellent at his job. Same old ‘none of them deny that he’s effective, they just can’t get behind the killing’ conflict.

Looking past the fact that Jason still had a valid point, the “he’s the bad guy” plot falls apart for other obvious reasons, which happen in the 3rd issue. It’s kind of hard to focus on how much of a bitch Jason’s being when the other characters are written in an infinitely more problematic way (which ends up happening in most “hate Jason” stories). Not only did they heavily imply Jason is a victim of SA, but the way Dick/the batfamily treats Jason about this is … horrible. Arguing that this was a case of character assassination for Bruce and Dick would be more realistic than using this story to claim Jason is a Bad Person™.

Even though Bruce does have a bad track record with his perspective on victims of SA.

Hey. Maybe listen to the living person begging you to turn it off.

Geez. I wonder why he never felt safe enough to confide in Bruce or any of the rest of them. Implying that enduring what he did made him “broken beyond repair”, that he needs to be “fixed”, and saying verbatim, “you are my greatest failure”, not “I failed you greatly”. Then deciding on behalf of Jason that a bunch of people who weren’t involved in what happened to him should all know about this so they can decide what should be done. And everyone agrees with this garbage. Unbelievable.

Aka, any sort of healing he may have tried to accomplish was ruined by you lot. When exactly am I supposed to see that Jason was evil all along.

The story collapses in on itself in the third issue because where Dick is supposed to be at his prime within the arc, he just sort of rambles about how Jason was a shitty victim and then awkwardly shifts to talking about personal growth and coming to accept his own heroic destiny.

I do resent this, but not because “Jason sucks here”. Jason’s “bad portrayal” pales in comparison to the problematic mindsets given to the other characters (namely Dick) which were framed as good-natured intentions and “tough love”. As for people who describe this as “vilifying Jason to prop up Dick” … I don’t really know what to make of that.

[dollypopup]

interesting how polin is all here for multishippers when it comes to penelope being shipped with literally everyone and their father, but the second someone ships colin with marina, it's suddenly controversial and bad and wrong and they should be totally fine with people talking shit about her and acting like she's the worst and how dare you post anything in the archives about it or in the tags, don't you know that he'd be miserable and the two of them would never work and I HATE HER AND AND AND.

this fandom will lose their shit over penelope with literally every bland whitebread man in her general vicinity and fics on fics on fics get written about her with OCs and his brothers and his sister and people she's never so much as shared a room with but heaven forbid you think Colin and Marina were cute during their canonical courtship

[asmodeusamaryllis]

MARIA HAS A SISTER?!??

[buffkitties]

The day people stop saying that Komaeda puts others on a toxic pedestal and that he's responsible for the treatment he gets in any way ever will be the day I can rest peacefully

[mukuberry]

I just noticed when Kazui says "Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do?" in Cat, he starts out with his normal strong voice and it trails into a breathy whisper. It's like he's regretting it as he's saying it and having to force it out. He lies right before he says it to have a defence and even takes a breath in to prepare himself, but his nerves still almost get the best of him

He plays it off as something he did impulsively, as something that wasn't a big deal "I just wanted to ask, so it's out in the open. I just got a little greedy", but he's hiding his face from even the viewer in this scene. We don't get to see how this confession plays out, but the aftermath is him repeating again and again that he has to hide himself. It's almost like he's trying to repress the memory, he can't bring himself to think about it. He must've been terrified in that moment, and seeing as his glass that's firmly planted on the table is knocked to the ground later on, he was probably right to feel that way.

He's been harmed everytime he's let his true self out. In the final scene with Hinako, as he's telling her, he's putting his cigarette out on himself. He's preparing himself to be hurt again by hurting himself first.

[wovetales]

even   if   what   glinda   did   with   boq   wasn't   really   the   nicest   thing   ,   we   also   need   to   remember   that   she   was   clearly   giving   off signs   that   she   was   not   interested in him   ,   but   he   wouldn't take   no   for   an   answer.   even   when   he   heard   glinda   was   engaged   to   fiyero years later   ,   he   still   was   deluded   enough   to   think   he   could   rush   to   her &   admit   feelings   thinking   it   would change   something.   glinda   did   a   mean   girl   thing   by   pushing   him   to ask out   nessa to the dance   ,   but   at   the   same   time   ,   the   guy   would   not   have   left   her   alone   otherwise. both can be in the wrong at the same time.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

late Carlo and Moretti (during vinci-moretti war) are like Luca and Clemente to me. Moretti will never raise his hand on Carlo but! will he drive him into guilt in ways that are not direct? insult him in passing? convince Carlo that he's doing everything wrong, when in fact it's the opposite? of course such a painful kick to Carlo's ego, it's unfair, he doesn't deserve it. and it's not a father-son relationship, it's a professional relationship and he can't say anything back & defense himself in any way maybe Moretti's more favorable to Eddie in this period because he's more blindly loyal and Carlo feels he's about to explode

[spacebell]

que que????

[roscoehamiltons]

.

[kr-cube]

med looking less wasteful this tournament than he did the entire year is a good thing, especially now that we are getting closer to uso

[firstroseofspring]

thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!