#he has been shitty and done shitty things

[watchmegetobsessed]

UNMATCHED

A/N: it's been like 6 months since i last posted something and honestly, i haven't even written anything, things are very shitty these days but i felt the motivation to write this quickly after watching 'tell me lies' and 'rivals' these past weeks so here we go! if student-prof type of fics are not your thing then don't read it

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

WARNING: age gap, student-professor relationship

SUMMARY: Harry is very strict about staying away from students as a young and handsome professor, but there is one person he can't get out of his head and a Christmas party brings an unexpected turn.

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Harry hates these type of parties, mostly because he can’t imagine inviting dozens of students into his home, his private space, have the roam around and spend an entire evening with them, talking and pretending like they aren’t just trying to get a better grade at the end of the semester with their too friendly behavior. Or, in his case, some girls try to push the boundaries and flirt with him, hoping to hook up with him. 

He is not stupid. He has heard students whisper about him several times, he notices the heart eyes when he is talking in class and he has gotten several phone numbers on papers since he started his PHD studies and started teaching last year. His friends teased him about being the heartthrob of the faculty, but he didn’t think it would actually happen and to this extent. To avoid any possible scandals, not that he planned to make any, he has put on quite a rigid mask towards the students to scare them off from even trying, though that hasn’t stopped some of them from wanting to shoot their shot. 

He wouldn’t have come to this party, he would rather be home and continue his research that’s still not even close to being done, but Professor Bradford, or Stella as she requests Harry to call her, is the only person he gets along with in the faculty. She is 18 years older than Harry, but still younger than the rest of the old men who have been teaching here since probably before the declaration of independence was signed. Those men are the reason younger people don’t like classic literature anymore, with their outdated ways of teaching and unwillingness to bring something modern into their lectures they are scaring the new generations away. But not Stella. She is one of the reasons Harry went into his PHD and now he gets to work with her. He couldn’t just reject her invitation for her annual Christmas Party she holds for her students and some colleagues. 

Now he is standing by the wall, drinking mulled wine and just gritting his teeth, trying to calculate how early is too early to leave. A couple of girls have already tried to chat him up, they like to circle him, leave him almost no room to escape and then make him talk about school stuff, but then they slyly bring up personal things, hoping to break his usual character, but he sees through them always. 

Harry’s best friend, Niall always teases him that he should just give in and have fun with one of them. His morals are a lot looser than Harry’s, that’s for sure. 

Just as he is about to look for the bathroom, not to use it but to hide for a bit, another group of girls spots him and he can already feel his skin crawling as they approach him from down the hallway. He is quick to assess the situation, but he realizes he has no chance of fleeing before they reach him. 

“Profesor! So good to see you here!” 

And here we go. 

It goes the same, they are extremely nice and inquiring about his plans for the next semester and then suddenly they are talking about summer and Harry knows they are moments away from asking what he’ll be doing once the school year is over. One of the girls is talking about going to Italy on a yacht and the others chime in with their own ridiculously over the top plans while Harry is avoiding to even look at them, his eyes roam around the other guests. 

That’s when he sees her. 

Just down the hall he can peek into the kitchen and there she is, with a boy Harry assumes to be her boyfriend. He’s seen them around campus the past few weeks, he even waited for her after Harry’s class and saw them walk away together as he fought the way his stomach churned every time. 

Since the moment she walked into his class at the beginning of the semester Harry has been feeling like he is losing his mind. Whether it be the way she laughs with her friends before class or focuses with undivided attention as Harry explains something by the board, or says hello every time she passes him in the cafeteria, Harry can’t stop thinking about her for days after even though he knows such feelings should be banned from his mind when it comes to a student. Every time he catches himself thinking about her he wants to throw himself out the window, but he still can’t fight it. There’s something in her that draws him in and swallows him whole and it’s not just the looks. Unlike a lot of students who take his classes for easy credits or to drool after him, she is there to learn as much as she can and she’s had the most brilliant thoughts on certain subjects Harry has ever encountered, making him almost jealous he wasn’t the one to think about them. 

She is… unmatched. And forbidden, but impossible to ignore. She’s been his vice for months.

From where he stands it appears she is having a fight with said boyfriend, her always cheerful expression is now rather upset and confused while the boy seems to be over the conversation, almost irritated by her, dismissed. Harry tries to appear not too obvious about watching them, but he is also way too fixated on her to ignore what’s happening just down the hallway. 

He glances away just for a few seconds, but the next time he looks back he sees the boy stomping away, irritated, while she is left there, pulling on her coat before disappearing through the backdoor, swallowed by the darkness of the unlit back terrace. 

And before Harry could stop himself, he is already moving.

“Excuse me girl,” he mumbles disorientedly as he slips out of the small circle. 

He places his glass to a nearby table and then grabs his own coat from the wardrobe in the hallway before making his way outside. After her. 

The moment he steps out into the cold a short sense of realization washes over him that he definitely shouldn’t be here, that he is crossing a line, but then another voice in his head tunes it out, convincing him that he is just making sure she is okay and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Stopping by the door his gaze rakes through the terrace, but he doesn’t see her, until she spots her slouched form sitting on the bottom of the stairs leading out to the lawn. He hears her sniffling, but she hasn’t acknowledged his presence yet, if she noticed it at all. There’s a couple of moments of hesitation on his end, he can hear the rational side of him screaming somewhere in the back of his mind, telling him to turn around and just walk back inside, yet he still finds himself moving towards him and then that voice is silenced. 

“Everything alright?” Harry asks from the top of the stairs, but he startles her so much that she jumps to her feet and backs away a few feet. That’s when he sees her tearful eyes and red nose. 

“S-Sorry, I don’t–”

“Hey, it’s all good. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just checking in.”

She squints her eyes at him and that’s when he realizes she must not even see his face since the light is coming right behind him. So he walks down the stairs and then finally his face is lit and realization settles in her eyes. 

“Oh, Professor Styles. Hi.”

“Hello Y/N. Are you okay?” he asks again, to which she just chuckles bitterly. 

He can’t miss that even with tears running down her cheeks and her eyelashes stuck together, she looks so fucking beautiful it baffles him. He has to fight the urge to reach out and touch her tear-soaked cheeks. 

“Um, yeah, everything is… perfect,” she scoffs, reaching into her pockets, probably looking for tissues, but finding none so Harry grabs one from his inner pocket, handing it over to her, her fingers brushing against his for the shortest second as she takes it and then it’s over, but his skin keeps tingling. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles before drying her face as much as she can. “I’m good. Just…” She looks at him and changes her mind. “Ah, wouldn’t want to bore you with my nonsense personal drama.”

“Drama is never boring, have you learned nothing in my class?” he jokes and it actually makes her laugh. 

“This drama is not worthy of being taught in class though.”

“I bet some of the big names thought the same thing upon writing what we read in class these days.”

“So you’re saying I should write about how my boyfriend is fed up with me because I told him something he did hurt me?”

“That sounds like something I bet a lot of people would want to read about,” he smiles and when she mirrors it, he can feel his chest expanding. Somewhere way too deep in his mind an alarm goes off, but it quickly becomes one with the void and all he can think about is her. “Actually I can think of a few great pieces that are about similar topics.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, believe it or not, you’re not the first one to experience this.”

The way she looks at him is setting him on fire. The mixture of sadness, tiredness and gratitude towards his attempt to cheer her up is still making her glow in a way Harry has never seen before on any woman. 

“Do you mind analyzing one for me right now?”

“I’d be happy to.”

The party is completely tuned out for the two of them. First they actually talk about a novel, but soon it turns into sharing their favorite books and authors, their guilty pleasure reads,  recommendations for each other and even more personal bits Harry would never share with a student, but Y/N is the exception. 

They have no idea how much time passes as they stand outside and Harry ignores how the cold starts to sting his fingertips even in his pockets, because he knows that if they go inside this bubble will pop and he is too selfish to let that happen just yet. 

When there’s a short silence Harry notices that she is probably slipping back into what happened earlier and when she looks at him again he already knows she is about to share.

“I gave him a chance and explicitly told him not to fuck me over, because I can’t deal with that again. But all he has been doing is manipulating to believe that I’m always in the wrong.”

“It’s impossible for you to always be in the wrong.”

“I know. Well, part of me knows, but then I always go back to thinking that he is right, I must have messed up something.”

“That just proves that you have self-criticism, that you don’t just think everything you do is perfect.”

She sighs and looks away, her gaze distant as she battles herself inside her head, a feeling Harry knows very well, unfortunately. It doesn’t sit right with him that she is visibly struggling because of an immature guy’s untreated problems. She deserves so much more, but how can he tell that without crossing a line?

“Give it some time and you’ll see it clearer. Use your critical thinking on his actions as well, not just yours and don’t settle for less than your worth.”

“You think I did that?” she asks, eyes jumping back to meet his gaze. “You think I settled for less than my worth?”

There’s more behind her eyes than the words she said out loud and he is torn, because he can feel himself being pulled in more than ever, like she just opened the door the slightest and he has the chance to slip in. It’s the first time he senses something on her part and after all the yearning he is eager to take the chance. 

“I think you deserve a lot more, Y/N. You’re brilliant, bright and give so much to others, you should get the same amount if not more back. If someone can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you.”

For a second he wishes he didn’t say a thing, he regrets crossing the line and he fears her reaction, but then… 

Then he forgets everything. Because she is kissing him. 

It happens fast, one moment she is staring up at him with doe eyes, the next her lips are crashing against his, her hands grabbing onto the lapels of his coat. He barely recovers from the shock when she is already pulling away.

“I-I’m so sorry, I d-didn’t mean to, I just—Oh my Go–”

Her stammering is quickly cut short when he kisses her, his hands holding her jaw to angle her face perfectly and while her kiss was closed, rushed and panicked, this one is different. He is quick to beg for her to open her lips so he can explore as much of her as humanly possible, he is letting all the passions loose that he’s been locking up these past months and when she returns it just as eagerly it just pushes him even further. 

They inch back to the wall of the house and when he pins her against it a moan slips past her swollen lips, completely maddening him. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes against her lips, kissing her jawline, savoring the sweet taste of her skin that’s supposed to be cold, but it’s actually burning. For him. 

He keeps one hand on the side of her neck, the other one digs into her hip through her coat and she keeps pushing against him, while her hands wander under his coat, they are on his waist, back and when they move to his lower stomach, brushing against his belt, something snaps inside him. 

But before he could completely lose his mind the backdoor opens and he quickly sobers up, pulling her farther away from the corner so they can’t be seen. 

“...and that was actually crazy,” a girl speaks up, oblivious to how Harry has Y/N pinned against the wall just a few feet away. They are both breathing heavily, but she has her face buried in his shoulder while he covers his mouth with a hand, adrenaline racing through his veins. 

“Ah shit, I’m out of cigarettes,” another girl says.

“Mm let’s get out of here then. I think Max said they are having a little party as well.”

“Okay.”

Then the door opens again and the voices disappear, but reality hits Harry hard in the head.

He slowly pulls back, enough to look at her face and when he sees her swollen lips and slightly smeared mascara he almost combusts. 

Because he wants nothing more than to take her, right here and then everywhere else in the world, but he also realizes what he just did and this time his rational side wins. 

“Fuck,” he gasps as he jumps back, cupping a hand over his mouth.

“I wanted it–”

“Y/N, stop!” he cuts her off. “Fuck, this was a mistake.”

“But I wanted it! You didn’t–”

“I said stop!” he barks and she shuts her mouth right away. “This shouldn’t have happened.”

And before she could protest again or worse, kiss him again, he is already storming back inside, across the house towards the front door.

“Harry! I haven’t seen you all night!” Stella catches him, but he just wants to get as far away from this house and from Y/N as possible.

“I’m sorry, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later,” is all he manages to say before he is already out the door.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[ennn]

Unpacking the Deals of Ep 8: Why and What They Mean

So episode 8 is... let's say a bit of a mess. I know there's some confusion around why Agatha proposes her terms for the first deal, why Rio flipped into cackling villain mode, why Rio makes another deal, etc.

Here's my read that hopefully helps draw a line from point A to B to C.

Let's consider the context of the first deal: Agatha's not having a good day. Two coven members who Agatha never expected to care about have died trying to protect her – a thing that has never happened before. And Death happens to be a person she can blame.

Death, who is pressing on that bruise ("Your coven is shrinking") and making her shitty day worse because she wants the kid Agatha is hardcore projecting on (and also didn't plan to care about) to die. Just like Nicky.

But Agatha then realises she has leverage on Rio. For the first time in forever, she has an advantage she can exploit. She can be in control.

And it's almost instinctive for Agatha at this point: finding the best buttons to push, the best terms for her given the opportunity.

Agatha: If I deliver Billy, you let me go. Rio: You will eventually die, Agatha. Agatha: But I want you to stop pursuing me. I want you to stop making my life hell. And when I die, a long, long, long, long, long time from now, I don't want to see your face. Rio: ... Okay.

The terms that Agatha sets out seem cruel because they are. She says what she does because she wants it to hurt. Agatha's not only rejecting Rio's continued presence in her life, she's denying all the love that Rio's given her, building on what she's said before ("You gave me nothing.")

From Rio's POV, Agatha's cutting words aside, this entire deal sucks. Because the options are:

(a) Agatha doesn't hold up her end, which Rio knows might happen: Rio knows Agatha cares about Billy ("I know how you feel about him"). Rio's constantly reminding her he's not Nicky. She was already doubting Agatha would deliver her usual number of corpses. She saw how affected Agatha was after Alice's death.

If Agatha doesn't help, she'd be choosing a boy over everything Rio's done again – and this time another woman's.

And if Rio somehow manages to take Billy anyway, Agatha will end up hating her twice forever.

(b) Agatha does hold up her end, which might also happen: Rio knows Agatha's manipulative and smart and capable. More than that, she's well aware Agatha hates her. That Agatha still doesn't see what she's done for her ("No one in history has had special treatment like you").

That she knows Agatha does care about Billy but maybe hates her so much that she's willing to go through with this to cut her out from her life. Billy would be a dear price but one Agatha's maybe willing to pay.

Even if it was a 50:50 chance for these options, I think Rio realises her relationship with Agatha is doomed either way.

Either way she does her job, with or without Agatha's help, she's going to be rejected and lose. One's just a slower path than the other.

I think that's why Rio gives in to her rage and bitterness and spite. Agatha thinks Rio's been making her life hell? She'll show her hell.

And Agatha, well I think there's some merit to the thinking that she didn't expect Rio to fold that quickly and completely.

Now for the context of the second deal, it's not clear whether Rio knows what happened with Tommy. I assume Rio doesn't – not yet anyway – as she doesn't mention it at all and seems focused on squaring that one life Billy stole.

Now here's where it gets a little squirrely, to borrow Schaeffer's language. Because if you don't look too closely, it seems to make sense: Billy stole a life so to maintain the natural balance, Rio needs to take a life, the one Billy has now.

But how does Agatha's life work as a substitute for this imbalance (“This means you’re coming with me”)? Would any other person’s life work? Could Rio have swapped someone else's life to save Nicky then? Agatha would have been all too happy to arrange for that murder.

I doubt the show is ever going to explain this so I offer few possible theories to deal with this weirdness:

Billy Maximoff is a product of chaos magic, so his existence and everything he affects already throws off the natural order, just to different orders of magnitude. Agatha’s life works as a substitute because his life is now intertwined with hers e.g. his hex probably saved her life from the Salem Seven and has the potential for greater imbalance

Rio is aware of Agatha’s tendency towards chaos and defiance of the natural order. Rio bent the rules of the universe only for Agatha. Taking her life would protect the balance in the larger scheme of things – if only so Rio won’t be further tempted to give her special treatment.

When Rio’s torturing Agatha it’s before she presents the second deal. So she’s still intending to go after Billy, she’s just removing Agatha as an obstacle while lashing out in rage and heartbreak.

In this moment Rio probably thinks Billy's in the wind. She saw how upset Billy was with Agatha at the end of episode 5. And Rio knows the reputation Agatha keeps ("Why do you let them believe those things about you?"), Rio probably thinks Agatha deliberately drove him off to keep him safe.

Then Billy pops up and Rio sees that Billy and Agatha care about each other and they're both aware they care about each other.

Fuckin’ great. Rio's not bitter at all.

Looks like you two are finally on the same page. So I'll let you decide. One of you stays with me. The other walks free.

Agatha proposed a deal designed to hurt her? Now it’s her turn.

From Rio's POV, I think here are the possible outcomes:

(a) Agatha sacrifices herself for Billy: Not impossible I think. Rio knows Agatha cares about the boy but she also knows Agatha will do anything to survive. She thinks she's above death. But again, I think Rio also knows Agatha would have sacrificed herself for Nicky if she had that choice.

What did Lorna want from the Road? To save her daughter.

This isn't an ideal outcome for Rio but she’s already resigned herself to losing Agatha I think, one way or another. This way if Agatha wants Billy to live so badly, this is the price she has to pay. The high cost of living.

(b) Billy steps up and sacrifices himself: Very possible given that Billy’s a young heroic sort and already showed up, risking his life to power up Agatha. Rio gets to do her job. Agatha will probably hate her more given the Nicky trauma but Rio’s already resigned to this on some level already, which is why she's raging.

Either way Agatha's going to hurt, and Rio's going to hurt.

It's interesting that when Billy does volunteer himself and Agatha seizes the opportunity to remind Rio of their earlier deal, Rio just shakes her head and looks amused.

You can also see for a brief moment Agatha looking almost remorseful about doing this before slipping her theatrical villainous mask on, overcompensating for her true feelings.

Do you remember pain? It kinda tickles doesn't it?

By the letter (not the spirit or intent) of the first deal, Agatha did ultimately fulfil her part:

I can arrange that. I can get him to the finish line and deliver him to you.

This is an opportunity that's almost impossible to resist for someone as calculating and ruthless and selfish like Agatha. She has power (chaos magic no less), she can have Rio leave her alone forever (she knows Rio honours her word), she knows Billy cares about her but can she really trust him?

But Agatha ultimately decides to take a risk. A calculated one sure, but still a risk.

I think the beauty in the kiss and her sacrifice is how – despite her calculating the odds – Agatha is choosing to give in to what she feels and wants in that moment.

Because she does want to protect the boy in a way no one did for her when she was young. She wants to save Billy like she couldn't with Nicky. And she does want Rio so much despite everything that's happened.

[kinardsevan]

So I’m split 50/50 on this at this point. Because we don’t have crystal clear answers on ANYTHING, and there is a part of me that’s like “leaning into the trope actually makes sense for everything else they’ve done with this story”. But then obviously the interviews are so ass backwards, and and and…

Lou’s answers also aren’t crystal. He said he was back at SWAT, which he quite literally is right now, so it’s not like he said it and he went back weeks later to shoot SWAT. His answers about “opportunities” isn’t clear either because working actors by nature, always have opportunities. We have no idea if 911 includes those opportunities (based on my theory of this being a fake out, I mean).

I will say though. When rewatching the breakup from the understanding that Buck is very starry-eyed and “look at you, you magnificent Gay Man”, the breakup is easily understood for me. I vibe with @spectres-fulcrum’s theory. It actually makes a SHIT ton of sense. Further, I’m not gonna lie… if someone told me they wanted to take the next step in a relationship (and that step was moving in together), but I Love You hadn’t even been said… I’d be checking for a fever. It unfortunately comes across as not understanding the seriousness of the suggestion. Like obvs our little shipper hearts were smashed when Tommy was like “not only can I not live with you, but it’s unlikely that I’m the person you’ll choose to stay with”. When you couple the fear with the reasonability of what he’s actually saying, it makes sense.

This is why I’ve said that at its core, if the people writing the story have a brain and didn’t just throw shit at the wall (which will remain to be seen), there has to be a come to Jesus moment about their feelings for one another. Buck has to address whether he actually loves Tommy or if he was just along for the ride because Tommy made everything so easy. (I feel like we as the viewers know they’re in love, but it has to be expressed. And then there needs to be some level of effort in the story where Tommy is pulled into the fold.

I say all that (again) to point out that if this is NOT what the show is doing, and they just split them up because they thought it would make good drama (or some other shitty excuse)… that’s not just dropping the ball. That’s proverbially shitting the bed. And if that’s actually the case… imma see my way out (probably).

So yes, I hold out hope that everything we’ve been told over the past week is to keep us distracted. But I also know that when I reread those same quotes and rewatched the breakup with a clear head (and not from my shipper standpoint), things felt clearer.

In closing…. They did still massively fumble the way they were trying to communicate the issues in the relationship. This was not done well by any stretch of the imagination. But we’ll see what they settle on doing next.

ngl if it turns out that Tommy was coming back all along and that this was all part of the romcom ‘breaking up then making up’ trope i’m gonna be so embarrassed for getting this sad 💀 but that’s what i get for catching up with a series for once ig

[peterman-spideyparker]

The Great War (Babe Part 2) (Matt Murdock x fem!Reader)

Author’s Note: Hey everyone! At the risk of forgetting to post part two, I'm doing it now! Like I mentioned in the first post, it's only a part two if you want it to be--you can just have read Babe and leave it at that, but this is just more idea to go with it that I couldn't stop my brain from working on. Enjoy! :)

Summary: It's been almost a month since you left Matt. Everything hurts, and you're doing what you can to get through. Foggy calls, and it turns out Matt's not doing much better. For the first time, you have no idea what your future with Matt Murdock looks like.

Listening rec: The Great War by Taylor Swift

Warnings: ANGST, Matt and reader are separated (Matt cheated), they’re both heartbroken at the situation, swearing, fighting/shouting/anger, throwing, Matt grabs reader (NO VIOLENCE, but the Devil of Hell's Kitchen pokes out), depression (mention of the word "borderline suicidal" in reference to season three Matt), Matt being reckless, lots of crying, drinking

Other Characters: Foggy Nelson

Word Count: 2,820

Before you can even say a feeble hello, Foggy is already speaking. “Matt’s devastated,” he breathes. 

You’re hurt. Offended, even. You left because of what he did in California, and he has the audacity to feel sorry for himself? “And I’m not?” you say, probably with more venom than appropriate. “Goodbye, Foggy.”

“Wait, hold on!” You don’t know why you don’t hang up, but you stay on the line. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t the right way to start this. How have you been?”

“I’m awful, Foggy. My marriage is done, my heart hurts, I’ve lost the man I love . . . I’ve never been worse.”

“(Y/N) . . . I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Fog. All this is between me and Matt. It’s why you called, I’m guessing? Get all the answers for what exactly happened between us?”

“That’s between you guys. It’s none of my business or anyone’s. I’ve already ripped Matt a new one for doing what he did, and so did Karen and Frank, but he’s . . .” He stops and lets out a sigh. “Do you remember hearing from Maggie what Matt was like after Midland Circle? Despondent, depressed, borderline suicidal?”

Of course you remember, how could you ever forget? You’ve never seen him like that in your life. But the term “borderline suicidal” makes a pit grow in your stomach as you straighten up.

“He hasn’t tried to—?” you start to ask. 

“No, no, that was shitty wording on my part. But Matt’s not himself. It’s like watching a hollow corpse with a temper move about. He either doesn’t care at all, or a little thing will set him off. He’s being reckless on patrol, he’s drinking more than he usually does. I’ve been covering for him at the office, but . . . You need to talk to him.”

You close your eyes, tears rolling down your cheek. “I can’t, Foggy.”

“(Y/N)—.”

“He broke my heart, and I broke his in return. I stomped on it. I love him and I hurt him. If I talked to him . . . That’s salt on the wound for both of us.” More tears stream down your face as you think about it. “We both vowed not to hurt one another. H-He hurt me, but he wanted to fix it. I hurt him and don’t have that same courage to try.”

“Try now,” Foggy pleads. “Try now, help one another. Even if it’s for the last time.”

“O-Okay,” you say before you can realize it.

Foggy breathes a sign of relief. “Come to the loft.”

The loft. The scene of the crime.

You breathe a quiet confirmation before you hang up, taking time to mentally prepare yourself before you grab your purse and leave your sister’s place to talk Matt off whatever ledge he’s currently perched on. 

It’s a short trip, and Foggy meets you in the lobby of Matt’s building. He pulls you in for a long hug, and you actively tell yourself not to cry. 

“He’s that bad, huh?” you sniffle.

“Yeah,” Foggy sighs. “I’ve never been for him like this before. It’s like he’s not the same person.”

“I know what you mean,” you say quietly. “I haven’t felt like myself since that day.”

Foggy looks at you with a crestfallen expression, and you give him one more hug before you make your way up to the loft. 

Your key still works—you’re afraid if you knock, he won’t let you in. Hell, he probably heard you turn the block on your way here and wouldn’t answer out of anger or annoyance. Your stomach churns when you see Matt sitting in the chair. He’s in sweats, his posture is curved, his hair is disheveled, and he’s growing a thick beard. Beer bottles are on the table in front of him mixed with trash.

“Matt?” you breathe, but he remains unmoved. As you move closer toward him, he sits there like a statue, not caring to look your way. “Matt, it’s me.” Still, he doesn’t gaze your way. 

Putting your purse in its usual spot, you make your way over to him in the chair, gently cupping his face in your hands to tilt him up toward you. You suck in a small breath when you see the bruises and cuts on his cheeks, nose, and chin. If this is what his face looks like, you can only imagine the other injuries that his clothes are hiding.

“Matt,” you breathe. “What happened?”

He just closes his eyes in shame, starting to turn. You don’t let him, though, bringing his face back to center.

“Matty,” you plea. “Matt, talk to me, sweetheart.”

“You’re not my sweetheart anymore,” he finally says, and it burns like acid. You deserve it—you gave it just as good to him when he came back from California. “And I’m not yours.”

“We didn’t sign any papers yet,” you breathe, trying to lighten the mood as you hold back your own tears. “So, legally, I am.”

Matt peels back from my touch like he’s getting out of an itchy sweater. Okay, you deserve it. You deserve all of it.

“Matt—.”

“You left,” he spits. “You left just like everyone else, even when you swore you wouldn’t.”

You sit back on your heels. It hurts, but it’s the truth. “I did.” He turns back toward you like he’s shocked you actually admitted it. “I didn’t try to hear you out, and I’m sorry. I should’ve. It was . . .”

He turns toward you, ice in his blind gaze. You’ve never seen Matt like, this, and as he starts to slowly rise from his chair, it’s the first time you can say that you’ve ever been afraid of him. 

You spring to your feet as well, trying to at least keep things on the same level posture wise. 

“Now you’re trying to make things better?” he growls low. “You’re the one that tore it up in front of us. I wanted to stop the breakage, but you readied the wrecking ball. This shit is your mess. It’s like this because of you.”

Now you start to get mad. “Oh, just me? Any breakage that was the breakage that you started. Those images and videos were circulating for two whole days before you came home. I didn’t hear a single word from you—a ‘good morning’ or ‘I’m boarding my plane’ or otherwise. You just showed up here expecting it to all be fine—.”

“You don’t get to assume in this,” he grits, the space between you dangerously nonexistent as one of his hands tightly grab on to your wrist.

“Yes, I can. There’s two people in this mess. I’m saying what it seemed like on my end,” you say, your heart thundering in your chest. Matt wouldn’t hurt you—he’d never do that. But with how his hand is on your arm and the mood he seems to have been in since you left, you’re not entirely confident in that statement anymore.

“You never really knew a damn thing about me, did you?” he frowns. “You just kept a version of Matt Murdock in your head and lived with it this entire time, huh?”

“Maybe I did. Because this isn’t the Matt Murdock I came over to talk to. This is the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. So, if you’re gonna let the Devil out, let him out on me, Murdock. Do your worst.”

“Get the fuck out of here,” he threatens, the muscle in his jaw feathering as he clenches his teeth. 

“No. I came here to talk, and that’s what we’re gonna—.”

Before you know it, his hand is off your wrist, wrapping around the neck of a beer bottle before he whizzes it past your head like a threat. You flinch, moving to cover your head before the bottle leaves his hand, and you remain curled as the glass hits something behind you, knocking it over as they both crash to the ground. You slowly turn to see what was caught in the crosshairs—the beer bottle had hit a picture frame, knocking it down off the side table and breaking it. You can tell by the shifts in his body language he immediately regrets it, his shoulders slumping as tears start to sting your eyes. You notice he starts to take a step toward you out of the corner of your eye, but you’re on the move toward the broken picture frame. One of the pictures from our wedding.

Huh, you think. How fitting. 

You lower yourself to your knees, carefully picking it up and looking at how your faces were beaming with nothing but joy, how you held onto one another with love . . . and now how it’s the opposite. How you’re broken. You wouldn’t look at him the day you left, and he won’t look at you know. You curl over the photo, freely weeping on the pile of glass. You just want it things to go back to normal.

You hear Matt pad softly over to you, squatting as if he wants to put a hand on your back to soothe you, but he backs away to let you cry. Tears pour out of you like a geyser, a constant flow down your cheeks as you sit alone in the living room. Maybe it was an accident that he hit the picture, but his senses are so sharp . . . maybe he did want to hit it. Maybe he was trying to prove a point. Maybe he wanted to show you that by you leaving, you were the one who put the final nail in the coffin of your marriage.

Maybe he really doesn’t want you anymore. Maybe he stopped wanting you before he went to Los Angeles. Maybe he stopped wanting you a long time ago.

You’re still crying when you hear Matt come back over toward you. Through your limited vision, you watch him clean up the broken glass from the bottle and the frame. It takes him a few trips, but it’s eventually all cleaned up. He leaves again before walking back toward you, holding out a box of tissues. With a shaking hand, you grab one and wipe at your nose, desperately trying to calm yourself. 

“This is my favorite picture of us from our wedding,” you sniffle. “This is what I would grab if I could only take one thing from the loft in an emergency. This would be it. And now . . .”

You can’t finish your sentence, just weeping uncontrollably in your little ball on the floor over your two deepest treasures—this photo and your marriage. Shattered. 

“Angel . . .” Matt says so softly, so tenderly, you almost forget that your life has essentially imploded.

“This is all my fault,” you cry, spiraling, trying to trace it all back to you, your actions. The big explosive things all seem to have their root in something you can place back to yourself. Matt slept with someone else, but it goes back to something you did— you had a short attention span and a bit of a short fuse before he left because a bunch of shit at work that kept piling up, and you knew he was frustrated . . . how much he hates planes. You egged him on. You did nothing to help, and when he left to go to California, he found someone who understood him in a way you couldn’t. You need an answer for this, and that seems to be it.

“This is my favorite picture of us, and it’s all my fault,” you sniffle, repeating what you said earlier, your chest burning from the tears and hyperventilation. 

“It’s just a picture—,” he starts to say softly.

“It’s not just a picture,” you weep. “This, us, it’s all my fault. We’re broken because of me. This is all my fault.”

You hear Matt pad softly over to you, squatting down and taking the picture from your hands, putting it on the arm of a nearby chair before pulling you in for a hug. All you can do is sob against his shoulder as he holds onto you. 

“This isn’t because of you,” he tries to soothe, sounding like he’s about to cry as well. “It . . . It was my poor judgement, it was my shortcomings that did this. You’re in the flaming wreckage, and it’s not fair.”

“I just want things how they were,” you sniffle. “I want to come home. I want us to be okay.”

Matt’s silence is terrifying. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt rage like that. Darkness like that,” he says softly. You feel a tear fall from his cheek to the top of you head. “Shit, I grabbed you . . . Fuck, I’m so sorry. I-I would never—(Y/N), please—.”

“I . . . I,” you start. He’d never hurt you. For all his anger, for all his strength, Matt would never hurt you. But when you’re facing off with the man that patrols the streets? The man that brought down Wilson Fisk not once, but twice? You just didn't know. 

“I scared you.” Tears are flowing down his cheek. “I could hear your heart race . . . I knew you were scared and for a moment, and I didn’t care. It’s like I wanted you to be scared, and I liked it. I was glad you were scared of me.” He sounds disgusted with himself. “You really thought I was going to hit you.”

“I did. For a moment,” you admit. It catches in your throat, but there’s no use in lying if you’re trying to fix this. 

Is that what you came over to do? To fix this? 

He lets out a long breath, slumping to the floor. “What happened to us?”

“I . . . I don’t know,” you say. And it’s the truth. You don’t really know how you got to this point. Yes, you know why you walked out, but it’s like there were the small hairline fractures in glass—so fine that you couldn’t see them—and then a hammer came down on it and a million little pieces was left in its wake. But how he sounds . . . you know that tone. When it’s been a rough night on patrol, it coats his words like sap—he’s going into a dark headspace, and when he gets too far in, it’s hard to get him out, and you need to get him out. You move around to carefully sit next to Matt, putting a hand on his forearm. You can feel a thick bandage on his arm before you can process that he winces, so you move to slide your hand in his. 

“I know you’d never hurt me,” you breathe. “I know you’d never lay a hand on me like that.”

“But I did, though. If I added more pressure, I could’ve snapped your worst. It would have been easy for me to do.” You see him swallow the lump forming in his throat, his own self-hatred inflating at a dangerous rate. “I was full of rage. You were scared of me.”

“I’m scared of all of this,” you admit, your voice small. “What’s happening to us. How it’s effecting you and me. We’re . . . We’re not ourselves. I-I don’t recognize either of us. I don’t like it. I want things back how they were.”

“But they can’t go back.” He sounds broken, hollow—just how you feel. 

“Are . . . Are we too far gone?” you ask just above a whisper, terrified of the answer. 

“I don’t want us to be.”

You hang your head. “I haven’t been sleeping,” you admit. “It doesn’t feel right without you, your arms around me.”

He places a gently hand on your chin, lifting your face up and wiping tears off of your cheeks before pulling you in for a hug. It feels like warmth. Like love. “I can’t sleep in the bed. It smells like you, and with you gone . . . I just patrol all night.”

It’s like when you think your heart can’t break any more, it does. “I still feel so upset, but, I feel hollow more than anything. Like part of me is missing.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathes. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. I-I’m so sorry.” He kisses the top of your head. “I should’ve listened, I shouldn’t have left like that, but I was just so upset. I couldn’t be around you without feeling like screaming or crying or both.”

“We . . . We can get through this. Can’t we?”

You think about it. Is this something you can do? You’ve been through worse— you’ve seen him near death more times than you would like, you’ve seen how the toll of Daredevil and the stress of being an attorney wear him down. Even the debate on how we should bring up our children should you choose to have them strained you both. But your happiness, your life together, it’s bigger than your low points. It has to be.

It has to be. 

Right?

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[disaster-j]

Listen if you wanna judge whether an actor is worth casually stanning based on xyz problematic work they may have been a part of or problematic people they may follow on IG make your own post and maybe don't cherry pick which actors get to get away with being part of Bad projects and/or following Bad people

The entire point of my post was that people shouldn't put actors they're stanning on pedestals bc at the end of the day no one's morally pure and everyone's connected to something that people will see as corrupted

I work in the news. You think I haven't done work I'm not proud of? Stuff that loses me sleep? You think I haven't been complicit in the exploitation of the world's shitty political climate or people's tragedies?

Everyone's done questionable things at some point or the other

I keep fucking saying. Let people enjoy things without needing the object of said enjoyment to be strictly Pure

If he comes out tomorrow and starts sending death threats to people for, say, playing a gay man on TV I'm sure I won't like him then but he's not the one who has been walking around treating real people like they're trash that deserve to die. That's what people have done to him. For playing a gay man on TV.

[shaunashipman]

Hi. We don’t know each other, but I follow all your 911 posts, and so far you’re one of the only people I follow who is approaching this bullshit breakup storyline with the same level of anger as I am lol. Everyone else I’ve seen just seems heartbroken, which is their right (and I am too tbh), but I have not yet seen the same level of rage from anyone else that I feel like this shit deserves. Because what the fuck was that. You mean to tell me this show lovingly built up this relationship with a decent amount of care and decorum, only to ruin it in one scene with a level of cruelty I have not seen in tv in a LONG time? Probably since my House Md days when they had him drive a car through Cuddy’s house after they broke up. Talk about a slap in the face. Like not only was it bad writing, it was just plain mean. There was practically no warning. Felt like starting to fall off the edge of a cliff, seeing someone next to you, reaching your hand out to them and watching them reach back, only to have them snatch it away at the last minute. Jesus Christ.

Also. Those comments by Oliver, who had been trying to ‘do right’ by the storyline (or whatever the fuck he thought he was doing) and bisexuality as a whole, were like kicking someone when they’re already on the floor. Maybe he didn’t mean them badly or didn’t realize how they sounded. I’ve already seen people saying that he can’t be biphobic because of everything else he’s said, or that they themselves as a bisexual didn’t find them biphobic. Idgaf. As a bisexual I found them biphobic. We are not a hive mind. What is offensive to some is not offensive to all. And maybe he isn’t actually biphobic. The man is cryptic and inscrutable at best and I don’t know him, so I can’t say anything definitely. What I DO know is that while he has said nice things about bisexuals, he has not really said a single nice thing about his bisexual storyline. He has also not said a SINGLE WORD OF DEFENSE of his SCENE PARTNER IN A MAJOR STORYLINE who had been receiving DEATH THREATS (and apparently any other love interest either, but those were before I started paying attention to this show so I have no first-hand knowledge and can’t speak to them.) The lack of tact is one thing, but to also lack a spine?? Hoo boy. I can’t defend that. He has no problem talking back when he or his friends are in the line of fire. Not speaking up at all, for anyone, even to be like ‘hey. They’re just doing their job and acting in a storyline that was written for them. It’s just a tv show’ is pretty cowardly tbh. And he can take his bullshit apology-that-wasn’t that he has ALREADY DELETED and shove it up his ass. I no longer care.

I doubt they will, but I hope their ratings tank for this honestly. The general audience probably isn’t as hurt by this and there won’t be any actual repercussions for this nightmare of television writing, but GOD I vindictively hope that something happens to show them that actions have consequences. Either way I’m done.

Thanks for opening your inbox to venting. Hope you have a good weekend while also continuing to be as mad about this as I am lol ☺️

I don't know how to get sad without getting angry. that's just who I am. my sad button and my rage button are connected.

this was exceptionally shitty writing. they foreshadowed nothing. they built up nothing. this came out of nowhere, in the show itself and in the actual episode.

and oliver is on my shit list forever. I will never watch another show by tim minear and I will never watch oliver in anything ever again. he can fade into obscurity when this show hopefully dies after this season, go back to britain and work in a cafe where he can also let his co-workers be abused by customers and not say anything.

I hope he deletes his insta just like his twitter. actually I hope he throws a little fit first, I hope he has a tantrum about all of the righteous anger he's seeing, and acts like even more of a cunt before deleting. really let everyone know he's a self-centered twatwaffle who can't handle ppl not kissing his ass.

after today's work I have a whole week off to be pissed, and I'm not censoring myself. the only shit I'm not putting on my blog are the violent thoughts I'm having towards oliver and tim, because despite this I'm still a decent human being.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Third Family

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Summary: While Lucifer had a shitty wife and a poor experience being pregnant the first time, he had always heard that the second time was easier. Given how great his life had gotten before that stupid test told him he was about to have another baby, it feels even harder this time around. Warnings: Mpreg, pregnancy, anxiety attacks, and mentions of past abuse Word Count: 6,657 Ship(s): Adam/Lucifer Morningstar

Archive link!

A/N: So this was originally going to be Alastor/Lucifer, but Adam/Lucifer has such a stronger hold on me and it ended up being easier to write them than it would be to write Alastor trying to be supportive. I really liked how it turned out and I hope that you guys enjoy it! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

When most people spoke about shooting out of bed in the morning when they were expecting, they meant it in reference to morning sickness.

Lucifer’s situation was far different. Since he had taken the forsaken pregnancy test that had confirmed how deep into this situation he was, he had woken up at five o’clock sharp every day. Instead of his mouth filling with saliva as his vision swam, stomach churning, and throat constricting, his mouth would go entirely dry and his entire body would begin to quiver with the anxiety of the situation at hand. He’d had morning sickness with his previous pregnancy and was expecting it to start at any time, but it wasn’t what woke him up every morning.

Instead, he was faced with absolute fear. The two week mark of when he had found out that he was pregnant had just passed and he woke up the way that he did every morning since that test had glared back at him.

He shot up in bed, his body perspiring in every single place that the blanket was touching him. He threw it off of his lap and legs, before he was overwhelmed by the cold air around him and began to shiver. He tried in vain to swallow the nothing that was in his mouth and then licked around his teeth to try and get any saliva to coat his tongue. His eyes were blurry as he tried to rub the sleep out of them with hands that were quivering so badly he could barely hold them steady. His heart was hammering in his chest and echoing up in his ears, something that went along so well with the way that his breaths were coming out in sharp little pants.

He twisted on his bed so that his hooves were hanging off the side of his bed. It was easier to have his body in that position when he was dealing with these anxiety attacks, he was certain that it had something to do with the fall and all those long months that he had spent recovering from it. He set his hands down on his knees, where the human-looking part of him turned into goat, and tried to get his breathing back to normal.

Lucifer dropped his head down onto his hands as he put his elbows onto his knees, so that he didn’t have to go too far. His back was already starting to ache as his hips prepared to widen so that they could support the child that was going to be born from him in the next couple of months.

He had already contemplated terminating and then determined that there was no way he could do that, not when he was so attached to the little life inside of him and the idea of the baby that they might become. He had thought about pausing the pregnancy like he had done with Charlie, but that had brought him so much panic and grief. He also wasn’t sure that solution would work because the problem was the very daughter that he had carried two hundred years ago, not Heaven like it had been last time.

Lucifer removed himself from his bed once he had managed to get the panic under control. He removed his pajamas and sent them down to the laundry room where they would be returned to him at the end of the week. He liked the way that the hotel had been rebuilt after the fight with Heaven, the entire thing was far more functional. He adored his ex-wife even after all she had done to break his heart, but she certainly hadn’t had a very good eye when it came to renovating a building so that it was practical to live in.

He donned his usual clothing, though he noticed that he had to widen his belt by one notch for the first time since he was expecting Charlie. He tried to keep those memories away for the time being, since they were also contributing to why he was so nervous about everything. Things had been so rough for him when he was pregnant with her, especially since it had taken thousands of years for him and Lilith to feel stable enough in their kingdom that they could progress properly with the pregnancy.

By the time that he left his suite to go down for breakfast, since Charlie to make sure that they all ate properly to start off their day, he’d had another panic attack and quelled it. He’d gotten rather good at doing that, not that he ever wanted to admit it. The fact that he was the King of Hell, the Fallen Morningstar, the Devil, and still having panic attacks like he did when he had just emerged from stardust in Heaven was beginning to make him ashamed of himself.

He sat down at the table just as the doors opened and Angel and Adam walked in. They had gotten more chummy with each other since the hotel had been rebuilt, apparently they liked to bond about fashions and music from the time period that they both remembered. Lucifer couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to either of them until Adam sat down beside him again.

Their entire relationship had taken a weird turn that he wasn’t entirely sure that he liked, but he knew that he didn’t dislike it. It made his stomach flutter and his heart skip a beat and his entire body feel as warm as the sun on a hot summer day did. He didn’t know what that meant, he had never felt that way before and it was now driving him insane. 

“Good morning, everyone!” Charlie chirped as she walked into the main hall where they took their meals together. Husk followed behind her, carrying Niffty as she tried hard not to fall asleep. It was hard to believe that the young woman had been almost twenty when she died, but Lucifer supposed that was the curse that came with being a bug demon.

Soon everyone was seated around the breakfast table and began to dig into the food that Angel had prepared that day. Due to the fact that they hadn’t yet found staff that was suited to pass the background check of the hotel, they were taking turns cooking the meals that they all ate together. Alastor had to be supervised when cooking to make sure that none of the meats were human or demon in origin, but other than that they were all happy to pitch in to the group effort of keeping them all fed.

Lucifer piled food onto his plate and then began to eat it, but without the gusto that he usually did. Angel had made German pancakes with homemade applesauce and hand whipped cream, something that normally would have tempted the Sin of Pride into overindulging to the point of needing to take another nap so that he could work off all the carbs from the sugar. Today, his stomach was so tied up in knots that he felt like he was going to die on the spot. 

He picked at his food slowly and methodically so that no one could notice the way that he was eating. He knew that the people his daughter had befriended for her hotel were observant to the point of almost being critical. He knew that it would be a lot harder to fool them into thinking that everything was normal than it had been with the angels in Heaven. Even then, he had failed and it had resulted in the very land that they were currently chatting about.

Adam looked over at him about halfway through the meal. Angel and Niffty were arguing about something that everyone else was very invested in, which meant that they had some privacy to actually be able to discuss things between themselves. “Are you okay?” the First Man asked. 

He looked so much better as a sinner than he had as a Saint, especially since his body was modeled partially after Lucifer’s appearance because of how primordial they both were when it came to their magical essence. Adam had dark eyes like he had in the human world, but the sclera had also been turned gray instead of the usual white or yellow of someone that had ingested that amount of alcohol. His hair was still the same almost-curly brown that it had been in the Garden, but he had two goats eats popping out of the side and hanging down around his face. On the top of his head curved two horns that brushed against the back of his hair and ears. His skin was gray towards his fingers and his feet were cloven hooves with fur that was just as curly and brown as the hair on his head. He had retractable talons as most demons and sinners did, but he liked to keep them out so that when people turned their attention towards him he could push them out and get those scared looks that he was so fond of. His belly was still fat and large, a body that spoke of starvation finally sated by all the food that one could wish for in life.

Lucifer loved every single part of Adam and was sure that he always would. He knew that the parts that he hadn’t loved had come from Heaven, thousands of years of indoctrination and a heavy dose of magic that didn’t quite suite his body would do that to a person. Adam had changed when he was in what was meant to be his paradise because his body had never been meant for that land, which had resulted in him being tainted by it instead of filled with the golden goodness that came from the Saints. When he had fallen, he had returned back to the man that Lucifer had known in the Garden with all of the apologies and panicking that entailed.

It was no wonder that they had fallen in love and then back into bed together. Lucifer had been on thin ice with all the other angels for falling into bed with Adam when the two humans were meant to be courting each other. It had only been when Lilith had begun to refuse to be together with Adam that they were both finally shoved down into the deep dark pit that had led them to Hell. To that day he was never certain about why Lilith had been removed when it was Adam that he had first fallen into love with, but he supposed that it had something to do with the gender roles that God had assigned the humans with after He had gotten rid of Lucifer.

Now Adam was here in Hell, where he belonged. He was there to hold Lucifer and tell him that he was loved, adored, and worthy of all of that on top of it. It was nice to have a partner that actually encouraged his hobbies and listened to his ideas. Lilith had tried her best, but she had often acted like he was nothing more than annoyance that she had to deal with before she could do things that she viewed as more important. Adam didn’t think that way, he would watch Lucifer talk for hours with that lovesick smile on his mouth that would almost always result in them falling back into bed together, repeating their first sin.

“Babe, you okay?”

By the time that Lucifer managed to snap out of his thoughts, most of the table had turned to look at him. He sometimes forgot that he did not live alone in a big drafty palace with only his staff to keep him company. He thought that he had been doing a fairly good job at keeping up appearances so that they would all be none the wiser, but he was slipping because of all his worries.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied as he forced himself to smile again.

There was a long stretch of silence as the other inhabitants of the hotel determined whether or not they were actually going to believe him. Eventually, Angel loudly said, “Anyway! As I was saying.”

He continued on with the story that he had been telling everyone about the perils of his job and the rather uncomfortable situation that he had landed himself in. Everyone was laughing about it and listening to him intently, he was a very good story teller and the acting that he had done while making his films had lent themselves to his ability to make funny voices and overdone expressions so that he could accentuate his thoughts without having to say them out loud. The only person that looked uncomfortable about hearing the sinner talk was Vaggie, but Lucifer was sure that she would drop those stupid puritanical ideas if she wanted to be with Charlie for much longer.

Adam reached over and placed a hand on Lucifer’s knee to catch his attention, pointing his head in the direction of the door. Lucifer sat down his fork and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. His fingers darted towards the apple for a moment, but he knew that whenever he tried to taste the sweet flesh of the fruit that he had tempted Eve with all those eons ago it would turn to ash in his mouth.

The duo walked out of the main hall where they had been eating with their friends and then began to make their way towards one of the private parlors. If the hotel was going to have more guests that were on different levels when it came to their redemption, then they were going to have to hold a lot of different classes going at the same time. The more Lucifer thought about it, the more overwhelmed he was becoming. His daughter was handling most of the ordeal, but he was still expected to help her while supervising the other Sins and running his own kingdom.

“Babe, you’re not listening again,” Adam said.

“I hadn’t even realized that you were talking, I’m sorry,” Lucifer immediately apologized. He had spent decades locked away on his own, his servants had tended to him but had never interrupted him while he was working. He had enjoyed that at the beginning, but after that turned into months and then years without talking to anyone, it had begun to turn into a nasty habit of ignoring anyone when he was lost in his own thoughts.

“Yeah, I could tell. What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been acting way different and not in the way that you usually do when you get pent up and I gotta fuck the tension outta you,” Adam huffed. Despite the crass words and hand gestures that he was making, his tone was still filled with concern and adoration. He had changed a lot since the Garden, but the loving part of him that Lucifer had first fallen for had returned to him full force.

He knew that he had to spill the secret to someone, even if he had hoped that he would have the courage to tell Charlie first and foremost. With two weeks of it hanging on his conscious and not a single conversation about it with his daughter, the other parent might as well be the first to know. He took a deep breath and then stopped in place, turning towards his lover, “Do you promise not to be upset with me?”

“What, are you planning on going to war with Heaven?” Adam asked with one of his boisterous laughs, the one that sent electric sparks down Lucifer’s spine.

He couldn’t help himself and smiled too. It dropped off of his face as he shook his head and said, “It’s more personal than that. Adam, I know that you have a complicated relationship with parenthood so I’m not going to ask you to be an active participant or even stick around in the hotel even though Charlie really likes having your explanation of what Heaven is like given that Vaggie and her don’t communicate at all, but-”

He was cut off by a hand reaching down to grab his own. He tilted his gaze up from where he had been staring down at his flat stomach and then looked to Adam. The First Man’s eyes were soft and his expression was gentle. He raised his other hand up to cup the side of Lucifer’s face so that he could bring their lips together for a sweet kiss. It wasn’t the kind that immediately turned passionate, that led them back to the bedroom so that they could continue to get themselves into each other’s hearts. It was the kind that was shared as a reassurance, that was a way for the other person to drink down their lover’s fears and leave them free to speak.

“It’s okay, you can just tell me. The parenting thing is kind of freaking me out, though,” Adam admitted. It was honesty that Lucifer would not have expected to get from the man that he had met on the battlefield a little less than a year ago.

“I’m pregnant,” he finally said. It felt like the information was ripped from his mouth and into the open air between the two of them. It was the hardest thing that he’d ever had to say, more difficult than admitting that the love he’d had for Lilith had fizzled out around the time that their daughter was gone and that he didn’t mind her leaving. Of course, it would have been far harder for him to say that if he had known that she was going to take Charlie when their divorce was finalized by the High Courts just a few years later.

The air in the parlor around them became increasingly stagnant as they both let the information sink deeper and deeper in. It was the first time that Lucifer had said that out loud in nearly ten thousand years, it was always a secret that was simply known in the royal family with Charlie and he had been keeping it tucked away in the privacy of his heart this time. He wasn’t sure what the response to it was going to be given what had happened last time, btu the longer that the silence stretched on the more he began to panic about it all.

“Are you joking?” Adam asked. His mouth was half open with the shock of it all and his dark eyes so wide they looked like they could give the night sky a run for its money.

“I would never joke about something like this, Adam,” Lucifer whispered as he tilted his head down and to the side. He was worried that yelling and complaining and panicking would follow the revelation and since he hadn’t mentally prepared for it from his lover, he was already beginning to panic himself.

Instead of harsh words and threats of violence, he was met with a strong pair of arms around his body to bring him in for a hug. The musky smell of his boyfriend and the reassuring warmth of a living sinner body consumed his senses. The panic that he had been feeling moments before washed away from him all at once so that the only thing he had to worry about was the little life inside of him and what the rest of the reaction would be. This was a good first step, but it was possible that something vile and unimaginable would come spilling out of Adam’s mouth when he finally got the time to open it.

The rest of his worries were quickly assuaged when the other man knelt down in front of him, his large hands grasping the fallen angel’s hips. Adam leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lucifer’s stomach before he tilted his head up so that their eyes could meet, a stupid grin resting over the top of his adorable mouth. “I’m so excited to get to be a parent again. Being a parent in the Garden sucked so much ass, you don’t even know.”

“I would like it if you could explain it to me,” Lucifer said. He let out a gasp of shock when he was tugged down and then manipulated into a sitting position in Adam’s lap. There was plenty of furniture around them for them to sit on, even if they wanted to continue to ignore the boundaries of personal space, but Adam seemed content where he was.

“When I was in the Garden with Eve, we had three kids. We didn’t really want the third, but that was just how it was going to be. Every time we made a mistake with one of the kids, by losing our temper or feeding them wrong or changing their routine in a way that ended up not working, we were terrified that God was going to get upset with us. We knew that He was watching us at all times since we were his new favorite pet project, but that just made it all worse. Instead of feeling like we had a fucking safety net to fall back into as the first people to literally ever be parents ever, we felt like we were going to get in trouble for making the smallest of mistakes. We knew what had happened to you and Lilith, so there was always this questioning in the back of our heads about what might happen if we fucked up too. What would be considered worthy of throwing us out of the Garden? What would happen if we treated the children that God so kindly bestowed upon us in a way that he didn’t like? We didn’t get to be parents, we were terrified the entire fucking time and instilled that fear in Cain and Abel,” Adam explained. 

Lucifer smiled at the sarcastic comment about the children being a gift from God. Having carried and birthed a child himself, he knew that they were not a gift that had flown down from God’s very hands and into the arms of the waiting parents. It was something that was worked for, for nine months and then a labor that was grueling and painful when the Creator could have chosen to have it not be. Lucifer remembered when he had finally gone into labor with Charlie and the long, terrifying hours that he had spent with his legs hiked up in stirrups and Bel reassuring him that it was the height of medicine despite the way that Eve did it still being preferable by human women.

“I think that parenting in Hell is a lot different, then,” Lucifer commented. He slung one of his arms around Adam’s neck and then knocked their foreheads together. “I don’t want to have the same pregnancy or birth experience that I did with Charlie, but the parenting part that I was allowed to be around for was really good. We got to make our own decisions and we were private enough as the royal couple that we didn’t have to worry about being judged by our people or even our friends.”

Adam reached down with one of his massive, calloused hands, and cupped Lucifer’s stomach. He rubbed up and down despite his belly being as flat as it had been two weeks ago when he had first found out that he was pregnant. He would balloon out soon, he had carried Charlie like someone had stuffed him full of each type of melon after the next. “I want to make sure that you have the experience that you want. We had to do specific stuff with Eve, it was awkward and awful in a way that I don’t want to have to relive. Trying to get cravings for a woman that’s nine months pregnant when you have to scavenge and hunt for your food is a nightmare.”

“Thank you, Adam,” Lucifer said truthfully as he leaned down to get another kiss. He felt his heart swell with love and adoration for the man that was holding him now. It was a stark contrast to the way that things had been the last time that he had told a partner that he was pregnant. He knew that he couldn’t let that information sit inside of him any longer, just like he couldn’t keep the secret of his pregnancy any more.

“When I told Lilith that I was pregnant, she was excited but also so angry. She knew that it meant we couldn’t keep hiding things and that she had lost her chance to get into Heaven because she hadn’t been loyal to you sexually. Granted, you also weren’t loyal to her and God’s idea of marriage doesn’t make any sense. But it was scary, to see the way that she was restraining herself from an outburst. It wasn’t my fault that her seed took, it wasn’t something that I could change, but I still felt guilty for it.”

“And then you fell,” Adam whispered with a small nod.

“And then I fell. I thought that I was going to be expanding my family. I didn’t know what was going to happen to Lilith, no one had ever dared to go against what God wished in the way that we did. I had no idea that He had such a horrible place waiting for us. We made the most of it, but I had to freeze my pregnancy for thousands of years until we felt that it was safe for us to have our child. At that point the other Sins had fallen and established their kingdoms, we had figured out how the Overlord power system worked. Everything seemed wonderful, and I was sick of being four months pregnant. Charlie was one of the best things to ever happen to me if not the best. I had a second family and it was wonderful,” Lucifer said.

There was a small sigh from the man above him before one of those big hands cupped the side of his face so that Lucifer was forced to tilt his face upward and look at his partner. “Are you scared to tell Charlie that we’re expecting a baby because you think that you’re going to lose your family again?”

Tears welled in his eyes and then began to run in huge rivulets down his cheeks. He nodded as he tried to stifle the sob that was trying to push itself through his teeth and into the open air between them. “I don’t want to lose her! She’s my baby and I love her so much. I’ve lost everyone every single time I try to bring someone new into my life,” he blubbered.

Adam didn’t mock him for crying or his anxieties like he might have if he was still the man that he had been in Heaven. That place did horrible things to people, things that Lucifer never wanted to have to think about again. He just wanted to think about the way that Adam’s arms wrapped tightly around him as they rocked back and forth. “I promise that’s not gonna happen this time. Lilith made you a shit parent by taking your kid away from you when you were going through a really hard time. You tried your bes when you had the entire deck stacked against you. Now, you’ve reached out to her and you’re helping her with this weird redemption bullshit that she wants to try. You’re her father and she loves you so much. When you tell her, she is going to be absolutely overjoyed.”

The Devil was quiet for a long while as he let the words sink into his mind and heart. His family in Heaven had abandoned him because they viewed him as dirty and blasphemous, they had barely even been his family. Those that did love him had come down to Hell with him and while they had all grown apart to some extent, they supported him as King and visited when they had a moment in their own busy lives. Charlie loved him so much that she was willing to give him a second chance after he was so absent from her life. “Do you really think so?” he asked.

“I almost fucking know so, baby. She looks at you like you hung the sun and the moon, like you’re the Morningstar,” Adam chuckled. Lucifer knew that he was remembering the first time that they had met in the Garden, when Adam had decided that he was so beautiful that he must be God. It was blasphemous and wrong to think so highly of that compliment, he knew that he should assume that he pales in comparison to their Creator, but it felt good.

“I should talk to her today. Do you think that you could ask her to come in here so that we can get the chat started before I chicken out again?” Lucifer asked. “I’ve been doing it for almost two weeks.”

“You were going to tell Charlie before you told me about my own fucking kid?” Adam asked. There was a laugh on the tip of his tongue and a smile pulling at the edge of his lips that told Lucifer he wasn’t actually upset, but it caused his stomach to flip anyway.

He pouted as he explained, “If things went badly with her and she decided that she didn’t want to be my daughter anymore or something then I wanted to get it out of the way. I didn’t want to be excited to have a baby with you and tell her only for everything to come crashing down around me. Does… does that make sense?”

“Yeah, sorry for teasing you about it, sweetheart,” Adam said softly. The gravel in his voice traveled up Lucifer’s spine and made his heart melt in his chest.

“It’s okay, all is forgiven,” Lucifer replied. He leaned down and stole another kiss from the First Man before he removed himself from Adam’s lap. He sat down on one of the couches and finally let his hand come to rest over his womb, where his baby was growing bigger and stronger with every passing day. It had been something that he hadn’t allowed himself to think about before he had admitted it to Adam, due to what had happened during his last pregnancy. It had been heartbreaking to think about how long Charlie had to wait to make her appearance in the world, how long his body had been feeding her nutrients that had done nothing more than keep her alive instead of allowing her to grow.

He didn’t have much time to think about that sorrow as the door to the parlor that he was in opened up, revealing Adam and Charlie. Charlie bounced in with the pep and brightness that she always had, her face stretched wide in a grin of excitement. “Hey Dad! Adam said that there was something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“It’s something that we both need to talk to you about, actually,” Lucifer said. He felt more grounded to the earth than he had in along time as Adam’s hands came to rest on his shoulders from where the other man was standing behind the couch. “I want you to know that this came as a shock to both of us and if it hadn’t happened, we would have told you the other piece of information first instead of both at the same time.”

The smile began to drop from her face as her brows knit together in worry. She wrung her hands in her lap like Lucifer so often did, which made his heart swell with pride of his daughter. He may not have had a big hand in raising her thanks to Lilith going against their custody agreement, but she was still his own. “What’s going on, is everything okay? Is it Heaven again?”

“No, this has nothing to do with those fuckheads,” Adam quickly supplied. Heaven was one of the biggest fears that those within the hotel had since they had been faced with just a small portion of that realm’s wrath a year ago.

Lucifer took a deep breath as he reached up and tugged Adam’s hand into his own. “Adam and I are together. We started something like a relationship when we were together in Heaven but it fizzled out when your mother and I fell. We decided that it would be nice to try things out again but weren’t sure that it would be good for either of us until recently, which was why we didn’t tell you. I had been trying to think of a good way to break the news when something more happened.”

Charlie’s face was overcome with surprise and then confusion before it settled back to where it always was when she was dealing with the hotel guests. “So, you two are together? Romantically?” she asked. She was polite and prim, the perfect princess that her mother had always trained her to be. Lucifer wished that she had gotten to choose the path she wanted with her life instead of just following the one that was set out for her due to her birthright.

“We are, but that’s not all we have to tell you. Do you think that you can stomach some more news? I know that me moving on with someone else has to be kind of hard on you,” Lucifer said.

Finally, he got his daughter instead of Charlie Morningstar. She placed her elbows on her thighs and then her head down in her hands. She was staring at the carpet in front of her for a long while before she said, “I’m not really surprised that you moved on. Part of me hoped that you and mom would get back together, I think every kid of divorced parents hopes for that. But now that I’m an adult and I’ve been in my fair share of relationships, I can recognize that the two of you were never really happy together. I hope that Adam makes you actually happy.”

“There’s something more, isn’t there?” Lucifer asked. “Char, you can tell me whatever it is and I promise that I won’t be upset or disappointed.”

“You can’t promise those things, they’re your emotions and you deserve to feel them. I’m just… I know that Mom was the one that took my away and all, but sometimes I wonder if you resent me because I look so much like her. I wondered that for a long time, if you didn’t love me as much as you said you did because I was a remainder of the marriage that failed,” she admitted. She pulled her legs up to her chest and began to play with the fur on her ankles, something that he also did.

Lucifer dropped Adam’s hand and was next to her side in a heartbeat. He slung his arm around her shoulders and brought her head down to his clavicle. He cradled her against his body like she was a toddler that had a nightmare, instead of a fully grown woman. She was vulnerable with him and that deserved a proper parenting moment, something she had expressed wanting a few months ago. “Sweet, sweet Charlie. I promise that I wanted you with my entire heart. I fought for so long to get you, I would never just toss you aside or decide that you were too much like Lilith to keep.”

“What do you mean by that?” Charlie asked as she tilted her head back up towards him, her eyes inquisitive as they had been when she was newly born.

He sighed and thought about what to tell her. Eventually, he figured that the truth was better than any half explanation he could come up with so began the same story he had told Adam, but different because it directly involved Charlie and she hadn’t been there to see any of it. “I don’t know what your mother told you about her time in Heaven, but the angels were set to come down to Eden once every day so that we could monitor the humans and make sure that they were doing alright. I usually got stuck with that job because I was the youngest and my ideas were not what Heaven wanted to make on Earth. I liked it well enough, it gave me the chance to meet the humans and then get very attached to them.”

“Too attached,” Adam commented with a smirk. 

Lucifer shot him a look that made him snap his mouth shut and even look a bit remorseful, which was shocking enough that it took a few seconds before the next part of the story began. “Despite the fact that Adam and Lilith were husband and wife, we still fell into bed together. I only realized the consequences of those actions when I found out that I was pregnant. I wasn’t very good at hiding it because there kept being new, exciting and horrible things that I experienced. That meant that the rest of the angels found out too, and they found out more than just my pregnancy. Once they realized that I had defiled Lilith and that she was no longer fit to be Adam’s wife and the mother of humanity. We were thrown down into Hell, where the magic was far different.”

Explaining this all to his daughter was causing the memories to come back to him, so he had to take a minute to breathe through the panic. “I had lost all of my family, except for the few angels that fell with me and then later became the Sins. While it was nice to have them around, they were all trying to figure out how their new forms worked and what they were supposed to be doing here. Lilith and I decided that it wasn’t time to have a baby, so I found a spell through the beings that were here when we landed and I paused my pregnancy. I paused it for eons, thousands and thousands of years. Two hundred years ago, we determined that it would be a good time to bring our child into the world and then you came. I had another family after all the time that I had spent without one and it was so wonderful.”

“Me?” Charlie asked, her eyes wide with shock. “I guess I always assumed that Mom was the one that carried me because of the monikers that you both went by.”

“I was the one that carried you. I put up with morning sickness and mood swings and all the other messiness that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy because I was in love with you before I even knew you. I was nervous to tell you about this pregnancy because I didn’t want you to think that I was trying to replace you or make a third family or something. I love you with my entire heart and I want you to be a part of my family for as long as you will have me,” he said earnestly. It felt nice to get those words out into the open instead of bottling them up inside of his chest until he felt full to the point of bursting.

Charlie launched herself into his arms. They both tumbled back onto the couch while giggling and clinging to each other. Eventually the laughter died out and Lucifer was left just holding onto his daughter, which was what he had always wanted. She loved him and he loved her, and now they were finally getting the chance to have the relationship that he had always dreamed he would have with his children.

[s-exy-sapphillean]

OP i was with you at the start & some mutuals can attest to how passionate i can get about the topic of people needing to acknowledge andrew's flaws & the harm he's done to others, as someone who adores his characters. Especially in regards to people acting like only aaron ever did anything wrong.

But andrew not caring about aaron's future and aspirations is so fundamentally provably false. The entire reason he accepted wymack's contract is to get a scholarship for aaron. Because a single time years ago he heard aaron say he wanted to be a doctor and saw how sad & upset he got when his mother laughed at him and told him he could never do it.

Not to mention him being ready and willing to die in a car crash to remove the main person in the way of aaron's future and happiness. And his determination to keep him clean for his own sake. Did he go about it horribly. Yes. But he cares. So much

They have both been shitty brothers. They care about eachother but have no fucking clue how to do that without hurting eachother. Andrew is not an abuser but has done abusive things to his family in the name of protection. Aaron is not a downright homophobe (anymore) but he's said so much homophobic shit it's a frequent topic in therapy for nicky and andrew felt like he couldn't come out to him because he'd never accept it.

They're both rly shit at the whole having a brother thing but you cannot claim they don't care about eachother's futures & happiness.

(you can find more of me ranting about this, specifically in regards to the bonus chapters, here)

literally NOTHING annoys me more than ppl acting like Andrew did nothing wrong- he was a shitty brother. Does he love Aaron? Obviously. Did he do what he thought was best? Of course. But did he always care about Aaron’s future and what he wanted and what would make him happiest? Not once! I’m not saying he’s an abuser or anything, but he’s not a great brother and I’m sick of people acting like Andrew was this Angel and Aaron is a dick for being upset with him

[uraniumbones]

oh God oh fuck oh God

I didn't know he was wearing his father's clothes. omfg he loves his family so much. Just like that post about all the changes he made to be a good guardian for the twins and then they almost decided to run away. This is just another example of that. He wears his dad's clothes and when his brother sent him that post card saying "please come" he went, and when he fucked up and lost his brother he spent the next thirty years trying to get him back dealing in machinery and mystical forces he does not understand. He loves his family so much even when they don't love him. He loves his family so much and he wants someone to love him too :((( HE'S BEEN ALONE FOR SO LONG why didn't anyone go to Mr mystery's mystery aged birthday party? I'm fucking shrieking at the top of my lungs. In one of the episode's commentary tracks (land before swine?) there's a story Stan tells about how Ford made a kissing robot to learn how to kiss correctly and the only way to turn it off was to kiss it good. And it went off in class and Ford had to kiss the disembodied head in front of everyone to get the siren to stop and then he says "HAHAHAHAHAH hahahaha HAAAHAHAHA..... he was still more popular than me". And is that hilarious? Yes. Is it also heartbreaking? Yes. for fucks sake someone just care about him. This isn't the story of an unpopular nerd brother and a popular street smart brother. This is the story of a golden boy and a black sheep. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[rhymeswithumbrella]

you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.

[dykedvonte]

I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.

Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.

I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

BFTC isn’t really a case of terrible characterization for Jason so much as it was a terrible case of victim blaming. Like yeah, some of the things Jason did were a bit extreme compared to his “better” appearances, but that’s nothing new and pretty much true of many stories that aren’t utrh or lost days. The bad parts are are also definitely exaggerated by fans.

The story isn’t centered on Jason. Of course every other character’s description of Jason would be knee-jerk dismissive and misunderstanding, since (again) the intention was to make Jason out to be the cartoony bad guy villain. But if you look past the layers of grime they added, the bare bones of his characterization are not entirely incorrect. It’s a biased story in which their intended criticisms of Jason’s morals often fell short, so to compensate they deliberately cranked up his motivations to be more extreme and unrealistic (but one which, nonetheless got Jason’s overall thoughts and goals relatively consistent with stories that portrayed him accurately).

Yes, him shooting Damian was out of character, but granted we’re all in agreement that it was a true case of “bad writing decision”, I don’t think it’s hard to look past. The only other bit people probably complain about (which felt iffy at worst) was him being “a bit enthusiastic” at times in trying to convince Dick to become another lethal Batman (you can just as easily say Jason wouldn’t have been personally invested enough to have acted in the way he did). I don’t care though because he was probably doing it for shits and giggles, and it was funny watching him push their buttons on his spare time while being excellent at his job. Same old ‘none of them deny that he’s effective, they just can’t get behind the killing’ conflict.

Looking past the fact that Jason still had a valid point, the “he’s the bad guy” plot falls apart for other obvious reasons, which happen in the 3rd issue. It’s kind of hard to focus on how much of a bitch Jason’s being when the other characters are written in an infinitely more problematic way (which ends up happening in most “hate Jason” stories). Not only did they heavily imply Jason is a victim of SA, but the way Dick/the batfamily treats Jason about this is … horrible. Arguing that this was a case of character assassination for Bruce and Dick would be more realistic than using this story to claim Jason is a Bad Person™.

Even though Bruce does have a bad track record with his perspective on victims of SA.

Hey. Maybe listen to the living person begging you to turn it off.

Geez. I wonder why he never felt safe enough to confide in Bruce or any of the rest of them. Implying that enduring what he did made him “broken beyond repair”, that he needs to be “fixed”, and saying verbatim, “you are my greatest failure”, not “I failed you greatly”. Then deciding on behalf of Jason that a bunch of people who weren’t involved in what happened to him should all know about this so they can decide what should be done. And everyone agrees with this garbage. Unbelievable.

Aka, any sort of healing he may have tried to accomplish was ruined by you lot. When exactly am I supposed to see that Jason was evil all along.

The story collapses in on itself in the third issue because where Dick is supposed to be at his prime within the arc, he just sort of rambles about how Jason was a shitty victim and then awkwardly shifts to talking about personal growth and coming to accept his own heroic destiny.

I do resent this, but not because “Jason sucks here”. Jason’s “bad portrayal” pales in comparison to the problematic mindsets given to the other characters (namely Dick) which were framed as good-natured intentions and “tough love”. As for people who describe this as “vilifying Jason to prop up Dick” … I don’t really know what to make of that.

[asmodeusamaryllis]

MARIA HAS A SISTER?!??

[beastimusprojects]

Chapter 17: Somewhere, somewhen.

______________________________________________________________

            “Hey Hywel, this isn’t your first time on a ship, is it?” Phoenix shouted across the deck as she walked over.

            “What makes you think that?”

            “There’s nothing left to do, the sails are all secured, our heading has been correct the last four times I checked it, which it wouldn’t stay right if someone wasn’t fixing it, and I just checked a spot on the rigging that’s been giving me some trouble, and I think I just learned a new knot.” “And it certainly wasn’t Orwen.”

            “Well, I just wanted to be helpful, yáll have done a lot letting me ride with you.”

            “Is it the demon?” “Does the demon know stuff about sailing?”

            “Yeah, Dere wants me to become friends with you guys.”

            “Aren’t demons supposed to be evil?”

            “Self-interest on his part” Hywel laughed “the hope is that I become so attached to you that I can’t sacrifice myself for the greater good.”

            “Is sacrificing yourself just, like, part of the plan?”

            “Yeah, pretty much.” “The thing in Core is, well, it’s really big and powerful, when I fight it, I probably won’t survive.”

            “Then, like, maybe don’t fight it?”

            “Hm, were that it was so simple.”

            “But it is.” “You dying fighting something you can’t kill does no one any good.”

            He shrugged “what does the world lose but one more monster.”

            “You keep calling yourself that, you know that’s not true, right.”

            “You don’t know what I did.”

            “What did you do?”

            “This power that I have, it cost lives, as many as a hundred people died, probably a lot more because of the war getting worse.” “I signed up with the Seekers because I wanted to help people, but in the end… that conviction failed.”

            “They were going to kill you, weren’t they?” “To try to get rid of Dere?”

            “How do you know that?”

            “My, uh, mother, such as she is, tried to get me to do something like that. It didn’t go well.”

            “That’s awful.”

            “Do you want to hear a story?”

            Hywel gestured for her to begin.

______________________________________________________________

            “So, the whole, uh, fiasco? that comprises most of my life started the day I turned seven, actually a little before that.” “My mother left our family to go back to her military career when I was 6, right after my big sister came down with consumption, I think she couldn’t bear to watch that. My father, I think he got sick a little afterward, but he hid it, he taught me a lot of things that year, things you need to know to survive on your own, and a few weeks before I turned seven he was on his deathbed and he gave me this knife, and his necklace. He told me the necklace was for remembering, and the knife was for surviving. I did not think I’d actually have to use it.”

            “I was then an orphan, but my best friend at the time, Seria, her family was kind enough to let me stay with them. So, one day, my birthday, we were walking home from school, and these big jerkass boys who like to bully us come along, they did this most days, usually it just meant calling us names and stuff.”

            “The biggest guy comes up and straight out pushes me, and says something like, ‘oh, that’s what smells, its that shitty harelip comin’ through here’, so I say ‘no, its actually you, horseshit for brains. Oh, sorry, that’s an insult to horseshit.’”

            Hywel was taken aback, “What?”

            “Seven-year-old Phoenix was a riot.”

            “But anyway, they push us around for a hot minute till I get tired of putting up with it and punch him in the gut.” “At this point you are to be reminded that I was a seven-year-old girl, and not a very big one, and my punches were not very strong.” “This guy calls me something I will not repeat and pulls a knife on me.” “It is at this point that his friends run off, presumably to have plausible deniability, and Seria backs away.” “He runs at me, and misses me with three consecutive slashes, long enough for me to draw my knife and hit him in the arm, causing him to drop his knife. I don’t remember what happened very well from then on, but he kept trying to hit me, so I kept stabbing him, like thirty-seven times.”

            “So now I’ve killed an eight-year-old boy in the middle of the street.”

            “I have one question for you. Am I a monster?”

            “No, it was self-defense, obviously not.”

            “He didn’t have to die.”

            “Maybe not, but that’s not on you.”

            “We are not different.” “What you did is not what defines you, it’s how you choose to live with it.” “And I recommend choosing to live, its so much better that way.” “That part of you that wants to believe you’re a monster, you have to ignore it, you can’t live like that.”

            “I don’t know how else to live.”

            She shrugged “You’ll find a way, eventually. I can’t speak to how long it takes, I’m not sure I’ve found yet.”

______________________________________________________________

            “Potatoes, rice, beans, cabbage.” Persephone waved at Orwen. “You paying attention?” “If Phoenix comes in here before we’re done it will ruin the surprise.”

            “Oh,” Orwen told himself to focus, and he quickly got the requested ingredients. “I’m sorry, I’m just distracted.”

            “It’s Phoenix. You still have to turn her in.” “Chop these potatoes, thin circles please.”

            “Yeah.” “But she trusts me, you all do.”

            “I mean, not that much.”

            “You think that in the end I’ll ‘do the right thing.’” “Here’s those potatoes.” “I won’t, you know, yáll are just making my job easier.”

            “Practically easier.” “Obviously we’re introducing some extra cognitive difficulty.”

            “I mean, it shouldn’t.” “This has been the plan the whole time. Anything I did to help you guys was a ploy, part of the strategy.”

            “You’re a big fan of lying to yourself.” “Can you dice this onion? Real fine please.”

            “I’m not lying to myself, I will bring Phoenix in, even if you all feel like it’s a betrayal.”

            “Oh, I believe that. It’s just that there have been opportunities that you’ve passed up for the loyalty that you don’t have.” “You’ll probably do it, but you’ll feel bad about it.”

            “No, I won’t, I’ll be welcomed back as a hero.”

            “And the praise of your peers will give you the satisfaction you seek?”

            “Onions.”

            “Thanks dear, carrots next.” “You see, I’d be willing to bet that when you go back, you’ll have a lot of people congratulating you on a mission well done, but you’ll be left with the knowledge that any of them would have left you in Ser.” “That is to say, no one who really cares about you.”

            “You don’t know me. Here’s those carrots.”

            “I got beets coming out of the oven in a sec.” “Deep down, all you really want is to be with a group of people who care about you.” “But you’re convinced that no such group exists, so you go for the next best thing, mass approval.”

            “That’s dumb, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone but myself.”

            “I’ve heard that line before.”

            “Really, from who?”

            “Me.” “You’re doing everything you can to get some abstract end goal where you will have proven yourself.” “It’s like pulling on a rope with no end. You wear yourself out until your fingers are raw, but you get no closer to the end.”

            “Well, then I’m not pulling it, I’m climbing it. How do you let go of a rope and not plunge into the abyss?”

            “I picked up a stranger who wants nothing more than to imprison my friend, I’m on what will probably be a fruitless journey to save someone who doesn’t even care about their own life, and I’m fricking peeling apples to surprise someone who is a much better chef than me.” “Do you think I dropped the rope?”

            “Who are you to judge me then?”

            “No one, we all have different struggles, I just hope for Phoenix’s sake that you figure out yours.”

______________________________________________________________

@brokendarkfairyempressforever

@hijabi-flavored-nerd

@betanian117

Just to clarify, Phoenix's backstory is maybe a tad over-blown from a tragedy perspective, but like, go watch Hero Academia or One Piece or smth, its an anime trope I promise, I'm not inflicting trauma on young girls for realism purposes (though I also don't think its necessarily unrealistic sadly.)

New post for the Phoenix Story:

Up to chapter 12:

CW for some Suicidal Ideation, General Angst, Mild Body horror, and as of now, one instance of the f-word.

Chapter 1: A Beautiful Night

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            Phoenix finally relaxed.

            As she watched the moon slide over the sun, she relished in the fact that she was now, truly, wonderfully alone. Alone, more than anyone else had probably been in a long, long time. There are, of course, ways to be alone not requiring physical distance, and ways of being together that overcome any distance. But it had been a decade since Phoenix had truly experienced togetherness in any of those ways, and the physical isolation was as absolute as she could imagine it. There was no one within 30 miles of where she sat, on an island that no one knew existed on the edge of where life in the sky had penetrated. No one could get there, the navigational skills required were immense and rare, even in such far-flung places as this.    

            By all rights, trying to get to Phoenix in that moment would be like trying to contact the spirits of the dead.

            It was good to be alone, for it was only in this isolation, which, she imagined, would be for some soul-crushing, that she was finally safe. For the first time in a long time, a decade, exactly in fact (she had felt her 17th birthday as she stepped onto the island,) she was safe. At that thought, a wave of, not happiness, but certainly peace washed over her.

            She knew it wouldn’t last, in two hours her first scar would twinge, and that would bring back memories of the worst time in her life. And she couldn’t sustain the aloneness, if only for purely practical reasons. But she would enjoy it for now.

            She looked up and saw that the moon had finished its arc, leaving only the corona of the sun visible. As the night songbirds started to sing, Phoenix went to find a place to sleep for the first night in a new chapter of her life.

            And what a beautiful night it would be.

______________________________________________________________

            It was of course a beautiful night, but Orwen didn’t see much of it, despite his perch on the roof of the headquarters of The Hunters. He did not admire the beauty of the stars or the reflection of the ring of fire in the lake, but rather stared into a handheld mirror, running a finger along his scar.

            The scar should have been a thing of beauty, it was a perfect Hunter’s Mark, a thin but bright slash from the inside of his left eye to the right corner of his mouth. By conventional wisdom, he should have been grateful, the mark was only supposed to fall on the greatest hunters.

            But to him, it only reminded him of his greatest failure. Six months tomorrow. Six months since he had fought the hardest fight of his life. Six months since the first time he thought he might die. Six months since he’d fought and killed the greatest of the Seekers, but that had not been what gave him the scar.

            He was the Nitehawk, the greatest hunter of all time, but a lowlife thief had not only beaten him, she’d marked him.

            “You mean nothing,” he told himself he was talking to the scar, “until I find her.”

            He was not there in the morning.

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            “Not so fast Dere! I can see you.”

            As the figure ran along the wall, Hywel knocked an arrow.

            “Not leaving on my watch!”

            He let the arrow fly. It didn’t strike the figure, but it didn’t need to, because Hywel quickly Stepped, and was up on the wall, arrow gripped in his right hand. His left was soon gripping the figure’s coat, which slowly shifted back into its more natural catlike form.

            “Would you believe I was just out for a walk? It’s a very nice night!” Dere exclaimed.

            “No, I don’t believe the words of demons, especially not ones who I catch escaping.” Dere was always unpleasant to deal with. “And now of all times we can’t afford to give you an inch. Not with Scout dead.” Their leader had been killed 6 months prior, and morale had been severely sapped since. The Seekers, and by extension the Alliance of the Sky, had been losing ground fast ever since. They’d already lost control of Nerestar and Dorsinli.

            Hywel wasn’t worried they’d lose the war anytime soon, but it didn’t look good for his chances of ever leaving this post.

As Hywel carried the wretched thing inside, it displayed an array of strategies to avoid its inevitable return to imprisonment. First it pretended to be cute and demure, then it scratched futilely at Hywel’s thick gloves, screaming obscenities that hadn’t been heard by mortal ears in centuries, then it whispered in his ears with that terrible voice, promises of power and wealth. Lies, of course, though, weighed against the prospect of spending the next decade on post guarding the creature, Hywel had to admit to being tempted.

______________________________________________________________ Chapter 2: A wonderful morning.

            Other than blackberries, the island seemed to be almost completely empty. It would be a lot of work to make the place habitable long term, and that would have to include several trips to somewhere habited. But a few trips to get some chickens and sheep and then Phoenix could probably stay here for a long time. Eventually, she would have to build a house, but she didn’t know where she’d get the materials for such a project.

            Its kind of ironic, I guess. To make my fortress of solitude, I have to go to people.

            I can wait a while though.

            She worked to clear a patch out from the blackberries – fire made quick work of the bushes – more so to distract herself than anything else. She didn’t want to think about… well anything really, because everything would eventually trail back to the fact that she had to go to town. Town, where she might encounter someone who knew her and if she found someone who knew her there, that was the only way she could die.

            Why do I always think about death?

            Its irrational, no one will be there, because no one knows I’m here, that’s why I came here in the first place.

            But in the back of her mind, a picture would not cease to form.

            I hate you, Karol. She thought as she clapped her hands, burning away another blackberry bush.

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen was known for being fast, but right now he was mostly just frustrated. He had tracked slippery prey before, but Phoenix Alkaryl was one of a kind. Six months of searching had seemed only to deepen her cover, and he could still only narrow her location to about a quarter of The Sky, a pitiful performance by any Hunter, let alone The Nitehawk.

            Doesn’t matter how long it takes. I will find her.

            He was pouring over a map (the mirror laid just north of Levias) as he sat on the 11:45 ferry from Nerestar and Dorsinli, a convenient service which, 6 months ago, he couldn’t have used. He was glad the Free Cities were winning the war, if for no other reason than it made his job easier. Phoenix couldn’t be anywhere in Alliance territory, ever since he had killed Scout of the Seekers, the Alliance had closed their borders to all travel, Phoenix was supposed to be a good navigator, but no one got past Alliance gusters.

            If she’s this far off the map, she probably wanted to disappear. So, she probably went outward.

As he left the boat, he caught a glimpse of something he’d never seen before in an alley. A tall woman, wearing golden chainmail, one side of her face, covered in burns, with three of her limbs replaced with prosthetics. Their eyes met, and she smiled with one half of her face. A Valkyrie, they were all supposed to be on the Levian front. He tried to walk quickly away, but as he turned a corner, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, you are the Nitehawk, yes? You’re looking for a girl named Phoenix, right? The one who gave you The Mark?”

“Indeed.”

“I know where to find her.”

______________________________________________________________

            Guarding Dere was hell, and Hywel had been booked for a full week of it. In a way, you could understand its plight, Hywel didn’t like to be cooped up either and Dere had been locked away for 150 years. But in every other way, well, the thing was pure evil. You could feel it, just standing near it, malice almost seemed to radiate off of the beast, and if you met its eyes, you saw nothing but two pools of absolute emptiness, not just nothing themselves, but threating to make you nothing as well. And its smile was dreadful, you knew it was happy with itself, and when you saw it smiling, you couldn’t even hate it, the hate would drain away before you could replenish it. All you could feel was nothing.

            And then there was its voice. It didn’t make any sound, you heard it in your head. It didn’t say anything of any consequence, but it seemed to know everything about you. Or sometimes it would say the most utterly outrageous things, but that was the trouble, after a while of hearing, you sometimes wouldn’t know the difference.

            It was evil. In its most concentrated and loathsome form. Precisely what the Seekers were out to eradicate. Or at least that’s what they said. In the last couple of years, they seemed to mostly be fighting in the war. Capturing and killing things like Dere was precisely what Hywel had signed up for. Though the job mostly consisted of long guarding of the one that had already been captured.

            Sometimes I hate this job.

            You know, if you’d be willing to make a deal, I could give you the power to do all the things you want. Just think of how much better the world could be if you had that power.

            I always hate you.

            It was going to be a long week.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: A Long Week.

______________________________________________________________

            Hyla really didn’t constitute a city. But it was enough. Big enough that she could buy chickens and sheep. Big enough that her nerves would never rest. She was only there for a few hours, but her heart pounded the entire time. Her nerves acted up around any large group of people, but they were worse this week than ever. She was constantly reminded by her scars. This week one decade prior had given her so many. A particularly large one panged on her chest as she arrived back on the island, she’d killed the bear, but not before taking a swipe.

            Desperate for distraction, she started planting vegetables, with any luck, she’d get some potatoes before winter hit. Then it wouldn’t be as bad as that first winter she’d weathered. She worked furiously, and the potatoes were all planted within an hour, she’d thought it would take till nightfall.

            Ok, we’ll start building shelter then.

            She dug out a pit, which she preceded to thatch over with blackberries, a task that, blessedly, took her the rest of the week. It was not a complete respite from her thoughts and memories, but it provided some comfort. It wasn’t ideal, but it was critically big enough for all three of her new sheep. They wouldn’t do well outside with how cold outer ring winters could get. Even with her magic, Phoenix had not relished the idea of spending a winter without shelter.

______________________________________________________________             I probably shouldn’t trust her. The Valkyries were a very secretive organization, not known for good faith offerings of assistance. But I can’t just let her go.

            “Where?”

            “The city of Asera.” Asera made as much sense as anywhere else, a Free City on the outer ring with enough people to disappear into, but not enough that you would definitely get caught.

            “Why do the Valkyries know that?”

            “Alkaryl is of special importance to us, whenever she is spotted, we’re the first to know.” A little suspect that the Valkyries have more of a stake than the Hunters, but all right.

            “And why tell me?”

            “You ask a lot of questions.” She raised her eyebrow.

            “Well, sorry if you don’t look like a particularly reliable source.”

            “It’s her time to die.”

            “Thank you for the information.” Orwen turned to go.

            “You misunderstand, I am to accompany you.” Fine by him, passing up the help of one of the most feared fighters in the Sky would only hurt his mission.

            “All right, we leave at once then.”

            She shook her head “I have a few matters to attend to beforehand. Meet me by the northern gate.”

            Orwen tried to dispel his suspicions about the Valkyrie. His instincts were usually right, but he hadn’t slept in a while, and her story made sense, he needed her help to find Phoenix. But something still just wouldn’t sit right. He’d have to tough it out, for the mission.

            Traveling with Sharon was not pleasant, she seemed to be all business, and was pushing Orwen to go faster, despite the fact that he was travelling with almost three times the normal weight. Her face apparently never moved, and she refused to engage in any conversation that wasn’t complaining about how long Orwen’s Speed took to recharge (despite the fact that they were on track to cover two thousand miles in a week.) But thankfully, Orwen’s suspicions subsided, though that might have been more because he was collapsing into bed at the end of each day.

            But, after all this time, he was finally moving forward with his mission.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel emerged from his Hell on the fifth day, after 4 sleepless nights in a row, facing two more, when respite finally came.

            “Hywel, you have been summoned to the Chamber.”

            “Thank you, and I’m sorry you have to deal with this thing now.” Hywel gestured to Dere fatalistically.

            “They’re coming with us.”

            “What?”

            The other seeker shrugged, unlocked the cage, and slipped Dere into some kind of collar “I don’t know, I was just told to get both of you.”

            Hywel was led to the doors of the Chamber and then was left with Dere’s leash.

            The doors into the Chamber felt especially heavy on Hywel’s tired hands as he pushed them open. He had been here many times before, but now of all times, it felt imposing. Dere’s whispers had not stopped.

            The Chamber was laden with the scent of old parchment paper and dead spells. It was deafeningly silent, except for a scribe scribbling minutes of the previous engagement, probably an execution, given the somber looks of the Council. They sat on a raised platform, overlooking the whole room, there were seven of them, and all of their choices were final.

“Hywel Sutherland. Seeker Honorable.”

            “I sir.” Hywel snapped to attention.

            “Do you know why you have been summoned?”

            “I was not informed, sir.” He looked up, the center councilmember was the one speaking, Garrel Satia, Killer of a Thousand foes. A garish title, but Hywel was in the presence of legends.

            “A great time has come upon us. For just yesterday a method has been discovered to eliminate the Demon of which you now hold the leash from this world.” Oh, this’ll be good, how do they think they’ll get rid of me this time… Dere’s voice echoed, Dere caught his eye, They try to do this at least once a year, don’t worry, it won’t work, but you might die anyway…

            As if to confirm the cat’s words, another councilmember spoke, Latise SeBorno. “And we are fortunate to have such a dedicated seeker as yourself at this time, for the ritual is not without sacrifice.”

             “You, Hywel Sutherland, Seeker Honorable, have been chosen for this purpose.” This is what they always do, sacrifice loyal subjects for a chance at killing the only thing they fear. By the way, my offer still stands, but this is one of your last times to take it. The last guy didn’t and they let the Nitehawk kill him.

            “What kind of sacrifice does the ritual entail?” Hywel asked.

            “If all goes well, it will leave you exhausted for days” Made up, killing a demon would drain anyone for years… “If the worst occurs, you may have to give your life.” You see?

            A third councilmember spoke up. “It is for this purpose that you have been tested, to prove your loyalty before we asked this of you.” You’ve been guarding my cell for five days, I thought they discovered it yesterday?

            “And what if I refuse?” In response to this question, all seven of them stood up.

            “THE COUNCIL HAS CHOSEN; ALL OF THEIR CHOICES ARE FINAL.”

            Is it too late yet Dere?

            Fortunately for you, it’s never too late to make a deal!

            Ok, I accept. His mind raced, but there was no time to think about this decision. Everything went black.

______________________________________________________________

            It opens its eyes.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter Four: A first eventful hour.

______________________________________________________________

            Two Levians were sitting at the bar. Phoenix studied them as she sipped on her drink, tea. She’d had to come into town to stock up on food, as winter had started early. Almost a month earlier than it should have. She’d been forced to come inside or be outside in a winter storm. So, she sat in the safest seat in the tavern, a lonely table with a view of the entire space and surveyed the Levians.

            She knew they were from Levias for a number of reasons. The first was that they were loud, she could listen to their conversation from across the room. The second was the woman’s jade earrings, unusual for this region. They had matching upper arm tattoos of a snake eating its own tail, which probably meant that they worked for the Levian government directly.

            These were highly unusual people to be here, but they didn’t seem like bounty hunters. If this hadn't been a very small town, she might have pegged them as tourists. They weren’t wearing rings, so probably not a married couple. They seemed like good friends though, which made Phoenix jealous, though she didn’t really think much of it. She took out her necklace, a piece of wood, polished so smooth that it could have been mistaken for a gemstone. It was a gift from her father, he’d given it to her after her sister died, he was already sick and said he didn’t think he’d last much longer. He died that night.

            “Hey, I really love your necklace.” Phoenix had drifted into her own thoughts and was stunned to see that the Levians had come over to her table. It was the girl who had given her the compliment.

            “Oh, oh, oh, umm, Thanks? I guess.” She stammered.

            “Sorry if I intruded, you were looking kind of sad, and then I saw that we have the same necklace.” The woman pulled out a necklace which was, in fact, almost identical to Phoenix’s.

            “Wow, uh, yeah, its cool.” Not to mention impossible, her father had never been to Levias. “How?”

            “What do you mean “how”?”

            “I mean, this necklace was given to me by my father, who had never been to Levias.”

            “Well, then he got it from someone else, because that’s the only place they’re made.”

            “Weird.”

            “You look like you have a lot of stories you could tell.” The large man commented.

            The woman shot him a look. “I’m sorry about Flynn, he means well but doesn’t understand social cues sometimes. We’ll leave you alone now.”

            “He’s not wrong, you can take a seat if you want.” She gestured to the empty chairs. “I’m Phoenix by the way.”

______________________________________________________________

            Sharon shook Orwen in the middle        of the night.

            He was awake.

            He was running.

He didn’t know what he was running from.

“Get down.”

They both dove.

He thought they had both dove.

His hands were tied behind his back.

            I probably shouldn’t trust her. Orwen’s own thoughts came back to him as he was struck on the head.

He woke up in a dark room, hands shackled to a wall.

            I failed.

            No, I cannot fail, I’ll escape this.

            These are Valkyries, there is no escaping this.

            I’m the freaking Nitehawk, I’ll find a way.

            His thoughts were muddled but quick, probably a concussion. He surveyed his surroundings as his eyes adjusted. He couldn’t make much out.

            Fuck this. He stomped at the ground angrily.

            The cell was small and cramped, with thick iron bars, the shackles were tight enough to cut into his wrists. No way to escape unless he was let out, no way they’d be stupid enough to do that.

            I will escape, I have to. He let out a scream of frustration. But this is going to set me so far back.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel woke up with a pounding headache and a feeling like dread. But not for the future, but for the past.

            Yeah, the first time does that to you. There’s water on the table behind you, drink all of it. You’ll die if you don’t drink and eat enough, and neither of us want that yet. Dere’s voice in his head. But all he could think about was water.

            He found the jug and downed the entire thing. But when he looked up, he took a step back in shock.

            The scene before him was horror.

            He could recognize the walls of the Seeker complex, but the buildings had been leveled. Everything had been stained pitch black, like the aftermath of a wildfire, though Hywel knew this had been much, much worse.

            And its my fault.

            His entire world started spinning. He felt dizzy. This was his choice. Everyone was dead. It was his fault. His whole life was gone. He chose this. He must have known the deal wouldn’t end well. Everything he stood for, gone in a moment.

            Am I the bad guy now?

            This one question consumed his entire world as he collapsed back onto the ground.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter Five: A second eventful hour.

______________________________________________________________

            The woman had introduced herself as Persephone, and the large man was Flynn. They had plenty of stories of their own to tell, apparently it had been a while since they’d left Levias, and they’d gotten in no small share of trouble since.

            “And then less than an hour after we get rid of the dragon, what do we see, but a pirate flag. Luckily, our ship has wards for cannon fire, but these are pirates with trained dragons we’re talking about.” Flynn was busily recounting the story.

            “So obviously, we just hightail it out of there, we actually used the wind jar we got from the cyclops incident here, because, come on, pirates with dragons.” Persephone interjected to finish the story.

            “Skull and crossbones with wings? On a background somewhere between yellow and green?” Phoenix thought she knew the pirates in question.

            “Exactly.”

            “Well then, that’ll be Jorge Redbeard. Kinda a nasty guy, I hear it’s not even his natural beard color. I got captured by them once, not for very long, but I did see around the ship.” Phoenix leaned in. “Dragon droppings absolutely everywhere.”

            “Hilarious.”

            There was a pause in the conversation, but Phoenix didn’t want to stop talking.

            “So, what actually brings you all this way from Levias?”

             They looked at each other awkwardly, as if sharing a secret conversation through just their eyes, before Persephone apparently decided this was information that could be divulged.

            “It’s complicated, but the short version is that Flynn is suffering from a terrible disease. We’re looking for a cure.” The levity drained from Persephone’s face as she said this.

            “Oh”

            Flynn waved a hand dismissively “Don’t worry about me, I won’t die… at least not soon, I just can’t go back until I’m cured.” He acted like it was the most reasonable reaction in the world.

            “Where are you going?”

            “It’s a small village, named Ser, there’s a healer there, supposed to be the best.” Persephone was apprehensive.

            “I know him, and he is the best.”

            “How?”

            “It used to be my home.”

______________________________________________________________

            It wasn’t long before someone came to get Orwen. She unlocked the shackles but kept her hand tight on his wrist. Pushing him roughly forward. He didn’t struggle, there wouldn’t be much point yet, he’d been trained for situations like this, he had to follow that training.

            He was led into a large room lit by torches, with a big round table in the middle, surrounded by Valkyries, he could recognize Sharon across the table from him. He was sat down into a chair, and his hands were locked into another set of shackles.

            “Good job people. We caught him.” The Valkyrie in charge spoke to the others. “The Nitehawk, right in our trap.”

            “You just gonna keep gloating?” Orwen was practiced in keeping a calm demeanor.

            “You’re in no position to talk, you fell for it.”

            “I mean, it was a good plan, and lucky timing, you wouldn’t normally be able to do that.”

            “You’re just bitter.”

            “Are you ever gonna tell me why I’m here?”

            The goal was annoyance was keeping the idea that he was completely trapped. This was, of course, not true, these shackles were much looser, he could dislocate his thumbs and slide them right off. But that wouldn’t do him much good right now, surrounded and unarmed, he had to buy time.

            “Why so impatient? It’s not like you’ve got anywhere to go.”

            Orwen smiled. “Actually, you are detaining me from an important mission for the Hunters.” The training was working, and he’d just found his way out, an outward facing window, thirty feet up, not ideal, but workable.

            “Well, if you must know.”

            Monologuing? His respect for the Valkyries was dwindling by the second. The woman in charge was describing gruesome torture methods, but she was putting the implements on the table, about 3 feet in front of him. She had better get fired for such a lapse in judgement. Not that anyone less skilled than Orwen would be able to escape. Then it happened. The guard change, all six subordinate Valkyries filed out of the room through the opposite door, the new ones coming in only a second afterward, but a second was all he needed.

            “I’m really embarrassed for you here.” Orwen said before using Perfection.

            Everything started to move in slow motion. Then his hands were free, then the lead Valkyrie was hit over the head with a large set of thumbscrews. Then he grabbed a spear and vaulted, landing on a ledge 10 feet up. Just 20 more to go, he’d practiced the next move many times. He dashed to the corner, and then using his Speed, ran up the wall, catching the edge of the window and pulling himself up and over onto the other side. He didn’t have any speed left, but he didn’t need it. There was a direct line of sight from here to a dock with a small gondola. He stopped using Perfection, he didn’t need it anymore.

            Clean escape, that’s what they’d trained him for.

       ��    Hywel woke up a second time, but this time, he just stared at the sky.

            I can’t be. I spent my whole life dreaming of fighting… what I am now?

            You’ll destroy yourself thinking like that, believe me I know.

            So, what do I do.

            Distract yourself, anything, I recommend getting off this island and getting us some food.

            I can’t just distract myself from the revelation that I am now everything I know to be wrong.

            What do you think demons have been doing all this time?

            It wasn’t a bad point, so Hywel went looking for a boat, whatever he was gonna do, he needed to get off this island.

______________________________________________________________

            Chapter 6: Godspeed.

______________________________________________________________

            It was decided that Phoenix would accompany Persephone and Flynn to Ser. It was a dangerous choice, Persephone and Flynn were still not much better than strangers, but Phoenix didn’t think that she could let them leave without her, during their conversation, something had stirred within her that she hadn’t felt in a long time, and now that she remembered it, it would be impossible to forget anytime soon.

            It was dumb, of course. She didn’t like it. She’d made the same mistake with Karol, and that had left her with a knife between her shoulder blades.

            But this felt different.

            Of course it did, this time she would take precautions. She wouldn’t let herself get too attached, and she’d remain ready to escape at a moment’s notice. She wouldn’t be trapped.

            Persephone and Flynn’s ship was massive, with three masts and several decks. The fact that they had been able to sail it with no extra crew meant that it almost certainly also had magic. It was truly a beautiful thing. And it was fast. Multiple times the top speed of Phoenix’s little gondola. They had enough space to pen up Phoenix’s animals, and within a day of the end of the storm, they had left for Ser, though, even with such a marvelous ship, traveling a hundred miles in outer ring winter would be nigh impossible without masterful navigation skills. Which was probably the only reason why she’d been invited along.

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            Three days and nights in a small gondola adrift in the clouds. Orwen preferred running to boating, but he was competent enough in an emergency, which this definitely constituted. Even though he’d escaped, he’d be hunted down if he wasn’t careful. That’s what had gotten him into this mess in the first place, carelessness, he hadn’t followed his training, he’d been too focused on that one thing that he’d gotten sloppy. He couldn’t afford to get sloppy. He needed to focus on everything all at once. He’d need to do this perfectly to have any chance at completing the mission.

            He finally arrived at his destination. He had no reason to believe that Phoenix was in Asera, but he did have a contact here that might be able to help. He’d been to Asera before, so he knew his way around, but between constantly checking to see if he was being followed and the fog that had been slowly encroaching on more and more of his waking hours due to lost hours of sleep, he missed turns constantly, and actually getting to his destination took him almost two hours.

            Three knocks on the door, pause, repeat, pause, repeat.

            The door was opened, and he was welcomed into a cozy little house with a fire roaring and a meal already cooking. He did not enter but stood in the doorway.

            “You look like absolute crap.”

            “Feel like it too.” Orwen longed to collapse into the guest bed, Bolson always kept it ready. “But I don’t have much time, I gotta get going soon.”

            “Chasing Phoenix still?” “You ought to stay and rest a little, you can’t bring her in in this condition.”

            “You forget who you’re talking to.”

            “All right, all right. You’re in luck, we just got word about her.”

            “Really, where?”

            “Our person trailing the crown prince of Levias saw her leave with them.”

            “So, she’ll be in Ser, and soon.” “That’s a ways away. I better get going. Thanks.”

            Orwen turned to leave.

            “Hey, remember not to run too fast, you’re gonna run yourself to death at this rate.”

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            Hywel had never been very good with boats, but he didn’t know where he was going anyway, so it didn’t matter that he went slowly.

            Where do I go?

            Big island, on the horizon, there’s houses, there’ll be food.

            I know, but after that where? I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

            Just focus on now, get food, eat it, then you can think about where to go next.

            Do you ever think about anything other than food?

            I think of lots of things that I want.

            Ok, but anything other than what you want right now?

            No, what else would I think about?

            I don’t know. The future, the past, the people around you and what they need. Right and wrong.

            That’s complicated. I prefer food.

            I guess that makes sense. What did the Seekers call you things? Holes in the universe.

            And the very manifestations of hunger and lust, yes, you get it, I eat, and then I go find other things to eat.

            Hywel would not be finding any answers to his problems from Dere, but of course, it wasn’t like he could keep his thoughts to himself, he didn’t know exactly what had happened, but Dere was somehow… a part of him now.

            That’s why you’re evil, I guess. You can’t really be anything else. Unsatisfiable hunger never really helped anyone.

            It helped you.

            At what cost though? Is it even worth it? Considering that my life cost that of others?

            This is why I focus on food. Anyway, we’re here.

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            Chapter 7: A Sight in the Distance.

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            Phoenix looked out from the crow’s nest of the ship across the sea of clouds. She didn’t have to be up here, it was a calm day, and the ship could essentially sail itself. She could have been down on the deck, where Persephone and Flynn were talking. She could be a part of that conversation.

            But she was anxious. She worried about whether this was really a good choice. Her instincts told her that getting too close to these people would end poorly. Like with Karol, and Seria. Her instincts had kept her alive this long.

            And yet…

            Another part of her longed to descend.

            Persephone looked up at the crow’s nest. Phoenix hadn’t come down in a while, she didn’t even think she’d gotten lunch. She was debating whether it would be better to bring her some food, or if she probably needed to be left alone.

            “You should go check on her.”

            “And have to climb all that way?”

            “You could always fly up, I really don’t understand the point of hiding that stuff from her, she seems trustworthy, it’s not like she’s gonna do anything bad to us.”

            “Remember that we’re taking precautions for you. You are way too important to risk like that.”

            “Ok, but we both know you’re gonna check on her. It’s your arms that have to haul you up there.”

            “You could probably throw me.”

            “Is that not more suspicious?”

            “I don’t know.” Persephone left to get some sandwiches.

            “You climbed all that way just to bring me sandwiches?”

            “Indeed, but mostly to check how you’re doing. You’ve been up here for a long time.”

            “Yeah.”

            Phoenix picked up a sandwich off the plate and started eating.

            “You like being alone?”

            “I don’t know if I’d say that.”

            “Then it’s probably just comfortable. You’ve been alone for a long time.”

            “Definitely that.” She took another bite.

            “And going back to Ser is dredging some stuff up.”

            “Going back to your home does that.”

            “It’s not my home, hasn’t been for a long time.”

            “I hear that. I could say the same for where I was born.” Persephone stared wistfully “I assume there’s no family waiting for you?”

            Phoenix shook her head. “I’ve been an orphan since I was 6.” “These sandwiches are really good.”

            Persephone could tell she didn’t want to talk about it. “Thanks, I make my own mustard.”

            Phoenix saw the island of Ser in the distance.

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            Orwen ran.

            The path he was taking had been built recently, to help move supplies for the war effort. Warpaths were always good for him; they took away the requirement for ferries.

            He was using every once of Speed he got, and walking in between uses. This wasn’t the healthiest way to do it, but it was the fastest. He could rest when he’d found her.

            He slept as little as possible. He needed regular sleep, or his Speed wouldn’t work, but he had to keep going. He was so close he could taste it. Several times he’d thought he’d seen Valkyries in the bushes. He didn’t know if he’d know if they were real.

            He was so tired.

            But he had to keep running.

            Run.

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

            Run.

            Run.

            Run.

            Fight.

            They were on him.

            He stabbed.

            They died; he’d hit his mark.

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

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            Hywel ate. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was. He must have eaten every last crumb they had to offer.

            I guess having a demon inside you probably does that. Ok, I ate, now what do I do?

            Probably sleep.

            You’re no help.

            Hey, I just say what I’m feeling.

            Hywel just started walking. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but he hoped he’d know it when he found it.

            Possession seemed to have its merits. Even though he was constantly hungry and sleepy, he didn’t seem to need food or sleep to survive, or at least, he was able to walk without stopping or sleeping for 5 days straight, so that seemed to be the takeaway.

            He finally stopped only when he saw it. The front line of the war. A burning mass of shattered, quickly constructed defenses. They had recently lost a battle. He didn’t know which side they were, and though he might have cared sometime earlier in his life, he couldn’t care less now. All he saw were the dragons.

            You aren’t supposed to use dragons as weapons. In captivity they’re killing machines, and if they get loose, they cause immense amounts of damage, indiscriminately, but in the wild they are gentle giants, and rarely have negative encounters with anything other than sheep.

            The fact that there was a village this close to the front line was a tragedy enough. But there was a village, and dragons. Hywel had no more thoughts.

            It took seconds, or it seemed like seconds, for Hywel to get between the village and the dragons. He had climbed onto the tallest building in town. And he had his bow at the ready already. As soon as the closest beast was within range, the arrow fired, and then Hywel was on the dragon’s back. He didn’t know what he was doing, the power seemed to flow from instinct, not thought, the beast’s throat was torn out and he had leaped to another one.

            It was less than a minute before he landed, standing on top of the last dragon’s corpse, in the center of the village. The villagers didn’t cheer. They had been saved. But not by a hero, but by what was, to the vision of everyone, a monster.

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            It stirs in its nest, looking out over the city.

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            Chapter 8: Continuance.

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            Ser was not like Phoenix remembered. It was a warzone; a battle had broken out recently nearby. Keeping track of the front lines was an impossible task these days. Phoenix hesitated, Flynn and Persephone did not.

            They were immediately in the streets, telling people to get out, to go to their ship if there was nowhere else. Several houses had been hit by projectiles from the battle. Flynn quickly went to work getting people out of them.

            The Firethrower. That’s why the battle was here. Most towns didn’t have one, sole control over one made it almost impossible to attack you, but this town had little value outside of it. Phoenix was running, through the town, through the crowds of people. It was the major threat to the city, but it could be easily neutralized. Until she got to the battle scene.

            This is insane. That didn’t stop her. She threw herself into the mass of soldiers. She was adept at moving through crowds, and she wasn’t wearing the colors that would indicate to either side that she was an enemy. So, it didn’t take her nearly as long as it should have. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She wouldn’t normally risk herself like that. But there wasn’t time to think about that right now.

            The weapon was made of wood, it was trivial to set it alight with her power, though, given its size, it took a while to really start burning. She was outside the crowd of combatants before they started to realize what had happened. Both sides of the battle started retreating quickly, but as she looked back she saw sizeable groups of soldiers peeling off to follow her.

            Drat. She sprinted away as hard as she could. Some of them had horses, she wouldn’t be able to outrun them, but maybe she could get back to the ship before they thought to cut her off. The town looked to have been evacuated successfully. There was a throng of people on the dock. And Flynn and Persephone were… running toward her?

            “What are you doing?”

            “Coming to help you!” Flynn roared.

            “If you didn’t notice, there’s a full army, get to the ship.”

            “We can’t lead them that way, there’s innocent bystanders.” Persephone said.

            “We can’t exactly fight here.”

            “Watch us.”

            Phoenix stopped as she got to them and turned around to face the oncoming army. It was a hundred to three.

            “You’re gonna like this one.” Persephone smiled as she threw off her cloak, revealing a pair of sparkling butterfly wings, which started to flap, as she shrunk within seconds to the size of a squirrel.

            She flew straight towards the oncoming throng, reaching a fast speed before – Phoenix couldn’t believe her eyes – she grew not only to her original size, but fifteen times the size. Digging large furrows into the ground where she landed, and probably more importantly, scaring the horses, and some of the people too.

            “That buys us some time.” Flynn was right. They were chaos now. But it wasn’t over, as a few dozen foot soldiers were still running towards them. “It’s big and flashy, but she can’t maintain that size for very long, she expends enough of her power just staying human sized all the time.” “I don’t suppose you are good at one versus many fighting?”

            “Not really, requires touch.” She held up her hands to indicate she was talking about her powers.

            “Ah, well. I’m sure Persephone will understand that this was necessary. Probably be able to scare these guys off pretty easily.” He turned towards the oncoming soldiers; they were only about 60 cubits away now. He looked towards the sky, and his body started to change.

            Phoenix knew what they were trying to cure now. Ursanthropy.

            Faced with a twelve-foot tall werebear, the soldiers turned tail.

            That was intense. That was insane. Why did I do that?

            Persephone and Flynn were returning to their normal selves as they walked back.

            They didn’t hesitate. I guess I was just following them.

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            There was a point that Orwen got to where he couldn’t feel exhaustion anymore. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. All that was left was determination. He was so close, within mere hours, his mission would be complete.

            There was nothing left to think about but what he would do when he finally saw her face. As he sat eating his dinner – the last dinner before he got to her – he looked into his little mirror (for some reason the Valkyries hadn’t taken it.)

            Soon, it’ll all be worth it.

            He thought of what he’d say to her. What would be a suitable ending line for this, the greatest chase of his life.

            Phoenix Alkaryl, fleet of foot and strong of spirit. I am Orwen Desinor, the Nitehawk, master hunter. You have fled me for too long, but now it is time for this to come to an end.

            He pressed forward, less than a mile left to go.

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            Hywel ate and killed. It was all he could bring himself to do. There was a lot to kill in this part of The Sky, word of him quickly spread, he left quite the impression on those who saw him. He came to understand that people thought of him like a monster, that was how he saw himself, but they knew that if they pointed him in the direction of something evil, he would kill it, it was the only way he clung to the semblance of sanity he had left. He was able to convince himself that even if he was a monster, he could make himself a useful one.

            And Dere was happy to oblige this behavior.

            He caught a reflection of himself in a pool of water. A sunken face, despite all of the food he gorged himself on, he was emaciated. He was taller than he had been (now almost seven feet), but horribly thin, his skin (grey, or purple, or red, or yellow depending on where you looked) hung off of him in most places, as if it was made for a much larger man. His joints hung loose, constantly either horribly stiff or horrifyingly flexible.

            It reminded him of why he was doing what he was doing. He wanted to die, but he couldn't justify doing it in any other way. And so he ripped and tore through the other monsters in these islands, he didn’t know where he was anymore, but he didn’t care.

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            Chapter 9: Face to Face.

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            Qualos wasn’t there. He had died months before, not from the war, but of consumption, the same thing that had killed Phoenix’s father and sister years before. There had been an outbreak, leading to the deaths of dozens of people. There wasn’t anyone left who cared about Phoenix’s exile. Which should have been a relief, it was convenient for her. But she couldn’t be happy about death.

            The damage from the battle wasn’t huge, all things considered, only a few people were injured, and the people who lived in the destroyed houses found other places to stay, at least for the time being. But there was quite a bit to do, and it was almost an hour after the fighting had stopped before Flynn and Persephone approached Phoenix again.

            “So, I’m guessing you have questions?”

            “Not really, I think the fact that you’re a fairy with growth powers and Flynn is a Werebear is evident enough.”

            “That’s not exactly it though.”

            “Hmm.”

            “Flynn is also the crown prince of Levias.”

            “Nice.” Phoenix smiled. She wasn’t especially surprised, the giant fairy thing had kind of prepared her for anything. “Ok, so we got a disgraced prince in exile until he can find a cure for his Ursanthropy, and his guardian slash best friend, the two-inch-tall fairy who pretends to be a human but can also be the size of a giant. Anything else?”

            “That’s essentially it.” “None of that is surprising you?”

            “I’ve had a weird life. Traveling thief isn’t a career for the faint of heart. And honestly, that’s a pretty logical explanation for two Levians with a massive, fancy ship traveling alone to a tiny village at the edge of The Sky.”

            “So where do we go now?” Flynn asked. “I mean, this is a dead end.”

            “For a cure for Ursanthropy?” “The only other possibility is Core.” “That’s a long way though. We need to leave as soon as possible.” Phoenix started towards the ship, she didn’t really want to spend any more time here than necessary, there was no closure here anymore to the pain this town had caused her.

            “Is there nothing else you want to do while we’re here?” Persephone asked.

            “Nope, I told you, this used to be my home.”

            “Well, we can’t leave just now, we have to buy some supplies if we’re going on that long of a trip.”

            Phoenix settled on wandering around the town for a few hours, she’d be couped inside the ship for long enough soon.

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            She was right there. He could see her. The journey was over, there was only one thing left for Orwen to do.

            “Phoenix Alkaryl, strong spirited and fleet of foot. I am Orwen Desinor, the Nitehawk. You have fled for a long time, but it is time for this to end. Have you any final words?”

            “Orwen! Nice to see you! It’s been a while.” Phoenix turned around. “Nice speech. A few comments. First, my name is Alkaryl, it’s Liventis, Alkaryl was my mother, though you Hunters probably only have us under her name from the military records. Second, you will not be capturing me today.” She held her dagger close. This would be a hard fight. But he would be attempting to take her in alive, which she knew wasn’t his specialty. She clapped her hands as she said “Ok, let’s do this.”

            This was a distraction tactic, intimidation like this was a Hunter thing. He ignored her and started channeling Perfection he was low on both of his powers, he needed to get this over quickly. And he only had one knife, so throwing was out. He closed the distance quickly, ducking under her first attack and jabbing into her stomach, before dashing back out of reach.

            She was clutching her side where he had stabbed her, but also… smiling? “You’ll have to do better than stabbing old wounds.” Indeed, as she took her hand away from her side, she revealed a charred hole in her shirt, and underneath a large amount of old scar tissue, and the newly cauterized wound.

            He dashed back in, he couldn’t sustain Speed or Perfection much longer, he needed to end this now. Her knife was red hot as she took a swing at him. A torso strike wouldn’t do much to her, she was apparently practiced fighting through the pain, maybe if he hit her wrists? He ran out of Speed, he should have saved some up, but he had been in a hurry. He was still able to perfectly parry the knife, knocking it out of her hands. He turned to strike at her body again as he saw his fatal mistake, with no speed left to dodge it. He’d been focused on the knife; he hadn’t looked at her other hand. It landed on his shoulder, red hot. He blacked out from the pain, he barely had time to scream.

            He had failed.

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            Dere saw fear. Hywel saw justification. Or at least a route to it. It was a horrifying scene. Thankfully Hywel knew it wasn’t happening, yet this was the future.

            People screamed. The streets ran red with blood. Hywel didn’t know what was going to cause it, but he thought Dere did. It didn’t matter, he knew he could stop it.

            A beast lingered over the bodies of the people it had slain, licking its lips. Hywel almost cheered. This was what he was looking for. If he was to be a monster, if all that he would be able to do was kill, he could kill this thing, he got the sense that it was the biggest monster of all.

            It cannot be killed. Dere’s voice was panicked. Do not look for it, you will die.

            I think that’s the goal.

            No, you cannot kill this, it is not some small beast. Even we fear it.

            Well, if demons fear it, then it must be evil. Maybe I can find the justification I’m looking for.

            Do you know what happens to me if you die?

            You’ve been fine with it until now.

            Only because you haven’t been after things that I couldn’t beat. That’s no dragon, that’s… IT.

            Well, we better find a way to kill it. Because I’m doing it either way.

            Hywel saw where it would happen, Core. And then he thought he saw It look right at him.

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            Chapter 10:

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            “We can’t really do anything else except wait for him to wake up.” Persephone had treated Orwen’s burn. It wouldn’t heal completely, Phoenix had only touched him for a second, but the heat had immediately caused a bright white handprint to form, and parts were brown or almost black. “It’s a pretty bad burn, and I think that he was already pretty exhausted, but he should survive.”

            “How long until we’re able to leave?”

            Persephone knew what Phoenix meant; she didn’t want to be here when Orwen woke up. “I don’t want to leave him here; this town doesn’t have anyone trained enough to treat him.” “If that gets infected, and no one is here to help him, he’ll die.” “And quick or not, he can’t get himself to the next town.”

            Phoenix understood that Persephone didn’t want to be responsible for his death, Phoenix didn’t want to either, especially not in this town, but still... “So, we just take him with us?” “Did you forget he tried to kill me?”

            “Yeah, if we’re going to go, we should take him.“ Persephone looked over at where Flynn was “and we need to leave.” She looked at Phoenix “look, I get that you don’t want to travel with him, maybe this is where we leave you.”

            Phoenix balked at that, but she didn’t know why. Yeah, that was the most logical answer. But, for some reason…

            She shook her head “no, you need me if you’re going to navigate all the way to Core.” She was fighting to stay with these people? She’d fought long and hard to get to where she was, she’d gotten paid already, she should just let them go and go back to her little island. Was she really going to choose traveling with the assassin that had hunted her for months.

            Yes, yes, she was. “Look, so long as he’s injured, I don’t think he poses much of a threat. As soon as he can walk though, we drop him off.”

            “Absolutely. And we can keep him in a locked room too.” Persephone smiled; she was glad Phoenix wanted to stay with them. “Hey Flynn, come over here, help me get this guy loaded up so we can leave.”

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            Orwen didn’t wake up for almost a day, when he did, he was on his stomach on a large, soft bed in the belly of a rocking ship. His entire back ached, but the pain was by far the worst on his left upper back. He tried to get out of bed, but twisting his body only made it much worse.

            “I wouldn’t try that” Persephone brought in some food. “your left shoulder sustained some nasty burns.” “We definitely need to keep you in bed for at least a few days.”

            “Who are you? Also, where am I?”

            “Oh, yeah, that. Well, we couldn’t exactly just leave you in a town with no doctors with that kind of burn. But we really needed to get going. So, we brought you on board.” “I’m Persephone by the way.”

            “Do you know where Phoenix went?”

            “She’s here too. But I wouldn’t try anything.”

            “She’s here!? Why would you let me travel with her?” Orwen was ecstatic, though confused, maybe he hadn’t failed after all.

            “The other option was to essentially leave you for dead. No one wanted that.”

            Kinda stupid, I would have left her for dead in a heartbeat. But I probably need to pretend to play along for now.

            “All right, I assume I’m at least locked in this room though?”

            “And your daggers are locked up in a closet on the other side of the ship, yeah, we weren’t gonna take that chance.”

            Persephone left, and Orwen started eating his food, he’d be coming up with some sort of plan to complete the mission, but for now, he needed to sleep, his back was killing him.

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            Hywel finished climbing the hill. Core was a long way away, so he’d need to pace himself. He’d made good progress; he’d walked nearly 40 miles over the last couple of days. Though, at some point he would have to find a way to increase the pace, he’d probably need to get a ship, he had a sense that what he’d seen would happen in a matter of months, and he needed to travel a lot.

            As he knelt beside the pond, he scooped up some water to drink, he hadn’t had a sip in weeks, he didn’t need it. And he looked at his reflection.

            It was, better, or at least, less bad. The color was starting to return to parts of his face, and the bags under his eyes had shrunk significantly, he’d slept for the first time in a while. His increased height had not diminished, he still stood almost seven feet tall, compared to his natural 5 foot 4, but he looked significantly less emaciated.

            What has happened to me? Is it really newfound purpose, or am I just getting used to being a monster?

            Dere remained silent, he suspected he was being given a form of cold shoulder for his choice.

            He was still drenched in blood, so he used this opportunity to bathe. His clothes were mostly ruined, and none of them fit well anymore.

            I need to get new ones; I’ll need to be some manner of presentable if I expect to be able to get a ride to Core.

            His hair had grown ragged, it was long, but it had been falling out in tufts. He was surprised to see that he still he still had his dagger. He cut as much of the hair off as he could, better bald than patchy. He left his beard.

            Wait, that’s odd, I couldn’t grow one before.

            Sometimes that happens. Dere spoke up for the first time in a while. If your hair comes back, it might come back curly too. Possession does weird things to human bodies.

            Oh, I hear you’re speaking up again.

            Just here to remind you that if you are doing hygiene, you should trim your nails, they look like claws.

            Indeed, they did.

            You deciding to be helpful all of a sudden?

            Maybe if we get you back in civilized society, I can convince you not to kill yourself.

            Not a chance. Hywel smiled as he scrubbed the blood from beneath his fingernails, the first time in at least two months that he had smiled. But I appreciate the sentiment.

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Chapter 11: A long trip

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            Phoenix sat on the deck, this area of the sky was calm, which meant slow going, but also not a lot to do as a navigator, so she was sharpening her knife.

            “It’s a beautiful thing, glad to see you’re keeping it in good shape.” Flynn sat down beside her.

            “It’s broken, it used to be able to fold, it also used to have a wooden handle.” Repetitive heat had fused the tang and the blade together, she’d had to weld additional metal onto it several times to keep it usable, the handle had now been shaped to almost exactly fit her hand.

            “Put another way, it’s been shaped into exactly the right shape for its use.” “Weapons designed for magic have to be unique, that’s what makes them beautiful.”

            “Every time I use it in battle, I have fix it up again, otherwise the blade warps.”

            Flynn nodded “yeah, it’s a lot of work to hone after every fight, but what you get in return is a perfectly natural tool. I’ve seen how you fight; you use that knife like an animal uses claws, I would know.” He balled his hands up into fists.

            “How does it feel?” Phoenix asked.

            “Being a Werebear?”

            “Yeah, that”

            “It’s not bad. It’s never been the being so much as the being seen as that’s the problem.” “When I actually transform, all I feel is the power of it, like I can do anything I want to.” “That’s kind of the worst part too, is coming out of it, and not feeling that anymore.”

            “Feeling like you can’t actually change anything that matters.”

            “Yeah, that”

            “And then comes the fear, that you’ll be trapped, and something bad will happen to you.”

            “I don’t know about that; I’ve been living on borrowed time for a while. It’s more so feeling that I’m trapping her.”

            “Persephone?”

            “Yeah, she cares a lot, and she’s determined that I have to survive.”

            “You won’t die though.”

            “Not from ursanthropy directly, no, but my father, as much as he pretends. Well, we think he’s the one sending people after us. We talk a big game, but we barely survived the last attack, I don’t think we, I, make it all the way to Core.”

            “He would do that?” Phoenix was astounded.

            “He was willing to when we were back in Levias, said he ‘couldn’t allow exceptions to the rule of law’, even for his own son.” “I think he’s always seen me as less than my brothers, might have just been looking for an excuse.”

            “I can’t even imagine that.”

            Flynn smiled, trying to cut the gloominess of the conversation “don’t feel too bad, at least I got to grow up as a prince.”

            “I mean, that doesn’t make any of that less tragic…”

            “I don’t care that much, I’ve just kinda dealt with it.”

            “That doesn’t work.”

            Flynn raised an eyebrow.

            “Running from your feelings I mean.” “Believe me, I’ve tried.”

            “I wouldn’t call it that… I’ve just got, thick skin, that’s it.” “It doesn’t get to me.”

            “Must be nice.”

            “You’ve been running though?”

            “Until it catches up with me.”

            “And then you fight like a cornered animal.”

            “That’s one way to say it.”

            “Like, not trying to kill it, just make it go away.”

            “I don’t like killing.”

            Flynn nodded. “Does anyone really like it?”

            “The last time I killed I broke my dagger.”

            “That must be a good story.”

            Phoenix looked at him seriously, “it was a bear, it almost killed me, gave me this” she pulled her sleeve up to reveal a nasty bite mark on her shoulder “but I killed it. I don’t like killing, so I haven’t killed since, I just run, and when I’m cornered.” “Well, if you don’t want to kill, you have to learn to inflict pain instead.”

            “A lot of it.”

            “Yeah, that.”

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen lay in bed. The room had no windows, which, on a boat this fancy looking, probably meant it was toward the bottom. The walls were likely to sturdy to have a hope of breaking through, and there was no access to the door lock from this side, so picking wasn’t going to be an option. The only way he would be able to break out would be to jump Persephone when he brought him his food. If he did that, he could probably escape, assuming they didn’t have someone watching for him immediately outside the door.

            His wound had healed considerably since he had come aboard the ship, but he strictly speaking still needed more rest. This, combined with his reluctance to assault Persephone, she seemed like such a nice person, led him to conclude that his best chance for completing the mission lay in a more, diplomatic approach. Gain their trust, lead them as close to Hunter headquarters as possible, and then bring Phoenix in at the last possible minute. He probably also wanted to save as much Speed and Perfection as possible. That meant sleep and food, easy enough, whoever was cooking the food was an amazing chef.

            “I hope you’re hungry” Persephone walked in, talking in the sweet, almost sing-song tone she usually used with him, “we’ve got something delicious today, Phoenix made Borscht, I hear it’s a family recipe.”

            “Does Phoenix normally cook? I’ve been wondering who it was.”

            “Ever since we found out she’s absolutely amazing at it, we’ve refused to even touch a pot.”

            After he tasted the soup, wonderfully meaty, he said “probably the right call.”

            “From what I can tell, she just appreciates having this full of a set of ingredients.” “How’s your shoulder?”

            “Much better, thank you. It’s been feeling better every day.”

            “Well,” she turned to leave “let me know if you need anything else.”

            “Hey, Persephone”

            “Yes?”

            “Seriously, thanks for doing this for me, most people I know wouldn’t.”

            She walked away smiling. Exactly what Orwen needed.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel ran now. He had avoided crossing the war line before, but he could no longer. But the borders were closed, so there wasn’t an easy way to get across. And what was more troubling was that he had alerted seekers to his location. They had been tracking him down, whatever remnant of the Seekers was left apparently had capturing him as their first priority.

            So, he was running, both from half a dozen trained Seekers and a large contingent of soldiers, who had at least a few boats. Thankfully, the wind was low today, so the boats couldn’t outrun his enhanced speed. He would have been captured ages ago if not for a confluence of lucky factors. He would almost definitely be captured soon, he knew where he was, and he had studied this area, Seekers were required to know the general layout of all the land around the war line. This road was old and would run out in less than a mile.

            He didn’t want to have to fight them. They didn’t stand a chance, with Dere’s help he could probably have plowed through the entire alliance army, but he wouldn’t be able to avoid killing them, enough people had died needlessly because of him already.

            So, he’d have to figure out a way to escape.

            There’s the end of the road. Nothing within a thousand feet.

            Two thousand feet out, there’s a rock, with a running start I can get you most of the way, and then shoot an arrow.

            If I’m even a little short though…

            You could always turn around and fight!

            No.

            He stopped about a dozen feet short of the edge, turned around and surveyed the oncoming army, and then he looked over the edge, nothing. If he fell, he would be falling forever.

            I wouldn’t take that risk if I were you, you have choices here. Instead of throwing yourself over the possible suicide gap, you could stand and fight or let yourself get captured and break out later.

            Hywel took a deep breath. No, if I want to believe I can be redeemed, there is no choice.

            He backed up and took a running start. With Dere’s power, he launched himself across 100 feet, 500 feet, 1000, 1500, he just had to shoot this arrow 250 feet, not the easiest, but he could do it.

            He knocked the arrow, drew, and shot. It raced toward that solitary rock…

            And missed.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 12: Impossibilities

______________________________________________________________

            The wind had picked up, it was howlingly fast, the middle ring was known for wild changes in weather, but this was stronger than Phoenix had seen in a long time.

            “If this keeps up, we’ll be in Dorsinli this afternoon.” She had to shout to be heard over the wind.

            “Really? It feels like we just left Nerestar.” Flynn shouted back. It had taken three weeks to get from Ser to Nerestar, but only four days to get to where they were. “We’re making good time!”

            “Remember that the distance from the middle ring to the inner ring is longer, and from the inner ring to Core, that’s going the feel interminable.”

            “That’s not what the map shows.”

            “I forget that you haven’t been farther in than the capital of Levias.” “Let me finish tying this up then I’ll come down and explain it.” The sail needed to be secured better, she finished tying the knot and then quickly climbed down the netting.

            “Ok, so this is weird for people who were born on the Outer Ring, like us, but I forget that they don’t teach it in Levias, given that it only has territory in the Outer Ring.” “As you get closer to the middle of the map, it gets less accurate.”

            “Couldn’t they just draw the map better.”

            “No, see, there is no actual middle of the Sky. The radius is infinite.”

            “How does that work?”

            “No one really knows, but if you walk towards where the middle would be, you just find more sky. So, as you get closer to the middle, the map can’t be drawn right, because the circumferences of concentric circles still decrease.”

            “That’s not geometrically possible” Flynn looked at Phoenix with a side eye.

            “Thus, why the map doesn’t show it. But anyway, what it means is that each ring is significantly smaller around than the outer ones but the chords across them are increasingly long with respect to their circumferences.”

            “Wait, wouldn’t that mean that they get to the point where its quicker to go around the circle than across it.” Flynn looked fully confused.

            “Indeed, it depends on how far in the middle ring, but in the inner ring, every two points can be reached in less distance by a circular path than a straight one through the inside.”

            “Hey Persephone, have you heard this before?” She’d just gotten back from taking Orwen his food.

            “What is it?”

            “I was just explaining hyperbolic space to Flynn here.”

            Persephone’s face scrunched up in disgust. “I’m so glad I don’t have to navigate anymore.”

            “Yeah, it only gets worse as you get further in, but it’s that or stay here with the bad weather.” Phoenix had learned the hard way, navigating by yourself out of even the middle ring was insanity.

            “Hey Phoenix, Orwen wanted to say something to you.” “I told him you probably wouldn’t come.”

            “Can I have Flynn outside the door?”

            “Sure, I’ll stand guard.”

            “Then there’s not much to worry about.”

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen was surprised to see Phoenix come in.

            “You came?”

            “Yeah, there’s not much reason not to. I don’t have a lot else to do today.”

            “I just wanted to say”

            “You’ll say you’re sorry, I honestly don’t believe you. And it’s ok by the way. For you to hate me. I’d rather be on a ship with a thousand people who hate me openly than one who pretends to like me.”

            Orwen opened his mouth to speak, but Phoenix raised a hand. “And don’t say it was only professional, we both know that’s not true; no one runs themselves that ragged for a job.”

            I do sometimes Orwen thought probably too often, but there was no point in trying to convince Phoenix that he was, merely, following orders. “You’re right, it was personal.” “Still is. You have to know I still want to take you in.”

            “Yeah, I figured that.”

            “So, why’d you agree to travel with me.”

            “It’s my principal flaw. I get too attached to people, I can’t leave.” She shrugged “They betray me, or they leave.” She said it in a nonchalant tone. “That’s why I have so many of these.”

            “You know I could kill you right now if I wanted.”

            “Oh, believe me, I know. But I’m not stupid, I wouldn’t have come if I thought there were a chance of that.” “You have to take me in alive.”

            He did indeed.

            “Not that alive.”

            Phoenix chuckled at that one. “Hey, can you walk yet? I wanna show around the ship.”

            “Now why would you do such a thing? I just threatened to kill you.”

            “Oh, you’re so serious about the whole assassin thing. Its gonna grind your gears so hard to know you can’t bring me in yet.”

            That much was true, it frustrated him to no end, but he wanted a distraction, and this sort of played into his plan. Though, what Phoenix had said about people betraying her got to him a bit. Just a bit. “Yeah, I can walk, let’s see it.”

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel was only falling for a minute, but it felt like an eternity, by the time he realized that the first arrow had missed, he had no time to shoot another.

            Well, this is how it ends, I guess. At least I’m taking you down with me.

            He must have been almost a mile below the island when he felt a firm grip on the back of his shirt.

            “Well, thank goodness, you’re a lot lighter than you look.”

            He looked up, astonished to see a woman with two giant feathered wings sprouting from her back. She could only be described as radiant, quite literally seeming to glow, as if something within her could not be contained, and was struggling to be free.

            She managed to drag him all the way up to the rock he had been aiming for. They could see the soldiers gathering at the end of the path.

            “Ah, don’t worry about them, we’re almost past the border already, they won’t chase us any farther.” “I’m Karol by the way.”

            “Hywel” “How, how did you find me?”

            “If you didn’t notice, everyone on this side of the Sky has been following you for almost a month. I’ve been tailing you for a while, to make sure you don’t do anything stupid, like taking a plunge into the Void.”      “Hey, I’d love to chat later, but we need to get going, they won’t follow us across the border, but we have about 1000 feet left.”

            They traveled a pretty good distance, the rocks were close enough now that Hywel could jump between them.

            “Sorry if this is offensive” Hywel started talking almost as soon as they had stopped “but what’s with the wings?”

            “A recent thing, possession works weirdly.”

            “Wait, you have a demon too?”

            She raised an eyebrow “you don’t know much about how this stuff, do you?”

            “Not a demon, then?”

            She shook her head “no, demons are spirits of emptiness. Mine is a devil, a spirit of fullness, of bursting and limitless possibility.”

            You’ve been awfully silent about this whole affair Dere.

            Demons and Devils don’t mix. We kill each other.

            “That seems infinitely preferable to mine.”

            “Oh, it is, I wouldn’t have hunted down a demon.”

            “You mean, you actually wanted to be possessed?”

            “It’s a marvelous power, I wanted to be strong, so I could help people, I failed before.” “I think you’re the same, we both want to cleanse the world of its evil. That’s why I followed you.”

______________________________________________________________

@brokendarkfairyempressforever

@hijabi-flavored-nerd

I fixed a few things. Its almost 13 thousand words now, by far the longest thing I've ever written, and getting close to the halfway point plot-wise, which means that technically this will probably end up at Novella length (Its already 30 pages in the Word document I'm writing in).

Actually, I'm gonna tag some of my other mutuals as well, I won't tag you again though unless you want to...

@queenpiranhadon

@nervousscissorsgoopthing

@betanian117

@justalunaticfangirl

@shrxe

[buffkitties]

The day people stop saying that Komaeda puts others on a toxic pedestal and that he's responsible for the treatment he gets in any way ever will be the day I can rest peacefully

[dollypopup]

interesting how polin is all here for multishippers when it comes to penelope being shipped with literally everyone and their father, but the second someone ships colin with marina, it's suddenly controversial and bad and wrong and they should be totally fine with people talking shit about her and acting like she's the worst and how dare you post anything in the archives about it or in the tags, don't you know that he'd be miserable and the two of them would never work and I HATE HER AND AND AND.

this fandom will lose their shit over penelope with literally every bland whitebread man in her general vicinity and fics on fics on fics get written about her with OCs and his brothers and his sister and people she's never so much as shared a room with but heaven forbid you think Colin and Marina were cute during their canonical courtship