#he had the best chemistry with everyone because he was just an entirely different level of deranged

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

do you know what was the biggest fumble in sitcom history….

not establishing this fucking chaos duo as a pairing

[rise-my-angel]

I am here for your takes on Dani. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought her x Jon smelled of hot garbage. Like at best she was meh, and then when the two of them met I was just like "oh no....you're an entitled bitch". And now that its been years since I last consumed GoT, my thoughts have fermented into "oh no, she really is a conqueror" "oh no, everyone loves her because 'pretty badass lady'" "oh no i'm the fandom minority again". Anyway, where was I. She and Jon had no chemistry. The end.

The *only* way putting them in a romance even makes sense in concept is when you realize Benioff and Weiss gave Jon the Young Griff arc. It's why they gave him a Targ name, beacuse if they call him "aegon" then they can fufill that part of the books without ever having to establish Young Griff as his own character. He is the supposed son of Rhaegar Targaryean and Elia Martell, he goes to Westeros with intentions of using his better claim to take the throne and intends initially on marrying Dany, and it's theorized heavily that Dany will see his claim as a threat and the Burning of Kings Landing will come down to Aegon against Dany.

Jon Snow has nothing to do with that. He is a moral opposite to Dany as a charecter, and we've seen him time and time again be at strong odds against people with her morals. But by giving him the Young Griff arc, it means putting him into the romance spot when it makes no sense for him.

Hey I put a read more beacuse I cannot shut the fuck up about how this relationship is just rape and abuse but beacuse Jon's a man we think he wants it.

All of season 7 Jon is so out of place because he doesn't belong anywhere near Dany's Iron Throne plot, and he's being forced to interact romantically with a charecter that clearly he does not like as a person and is uncomfortable with.

But, Dany is the sacred cow of the GoT/asoiaf fandom. You love her and if you critizize her for villanious actions or morals then you are using bad faith towards her. While I personally don't like her, I don't mind other people liking her but I despise that her stans all refuse to allow any conversation about her being a morally bad person. A person who enjoys cruelty and death, enjoys creating fear and is smug when she can control others. That is not a person Jon would love, let alone even respect.

Their entire relationship wreaks of abuse, of Jon being forced into this and knows he cannot leave it without risking his and his families lives. Remember when Tyrion gave a very small level critisism of her actions and she angrily accused him of treason and siding with his family instead of her? Well what do people think would she have done, if her attraction to Jon was refused? Someone who she took all the defenses away from, all the power from, and could have killed at any moment (dont make an ygritte comparison mimi dont make an yrgitte comparison this is a different anti jon x fandom female fave charecter post).

I don't care how the show frames it, or what the intent was. What we got on screen, was Jon Snow being held prisoner to an immoral, cruel, military conquerer. And when that woman was attracted to him, she essentially forced herself into his life and gave him all but no choice. The Jon bending the knee scene and..the uh...boat...scene...later...uhhh....anyways, those to me feel so out of charecter. You cannot convince me Jon did any of this willingly. He is clearly trapped in this situation and cannot leave and is only with her beacuse she is violent and bloodthrirsty. But beacause Jon is a strong, capable man, it's not talked about as if he's the victim and that is insane to me. (Oh my good god the ygritte comparisons are almost laughable send help).

I don't consider a lot past season 5 to be canon, but if I am forced too, then I refuse to accept Jon was a willing participant in that relationship.

Jon's parentage reveal will always be about the revelations of his mother, and the understanding and acceptance of WHY Ned raised him the way he did. And how it was both his parents, his mother and his adopted father who loved him and kept him safe. The very fact that Young Griff's entire story is based around whether or not he truly is Rhaegar's son as opposed to that being a twist reveal is beacuse HE is the charecter whose Targaryean links is the important one. Jon's story is about him as Stark, and is always shown to be the moral opposite of Dany.

Their relationship in the best senario is not canon, but if it has to be, then there is no world in which Jon is there of his own free will. He is being forced into this relationship against his will. But considering his other love interest was another charecter who essentially forced him into a relationship against his will, and we were supposed to root for that tells me all I need to know.

Dany is a sacred cow charecter, and her stans are unreasonable in defending her. When you can like a charecter and critize them for their actions. Ned Stark was an idiot for ever trusting Petyr Baelish, Catelyn Stark's spiteful attitude and neglect of Jon Snow is was abusive behavior, Theon Greyjoy was a moron who ruined his own life for a father who long since abandonded him. Bam all charecters I love and there are some major flaws that I refuse to defend them for but thats also what makes them good charecters. Their flaws arent writing flaws, they are personal flaws for them as people.

Dany is not allowed to have personal flaws she is always to be justified even with incredibly bad faith defenses, but when she is flawed it's the writings fault not hers. Dany is a cruel, sadistic, controlling, military tyrant who enjoys watching her subjects fear her and her dragons. And she forced Jon Snow into a relationship with her beacuse otherwise then he is against her and we already knew she has no use for people who dont support her to be alive.

Jon Snow deserved better then to have both his love interests be domineering, controlling, abusive women who forced him into a romantic and sexual relationship.

Also, I mean, incest being normal is only a learned trait from Targaryens supporting their own blood purity. Jon was not raised to think incest is normal. Dany thinks its normal beacuse she and Viserys both were raised to think that, and Young Griff thinks marrying Dany is normal beacuse he too was raised with the mentality that Rhaegar would've been raised with. Jon finding out Dany was his aunt would've had Jon looking right at Sam and just

[theoryandahalf]

I just realized I have literally no time & skill to write the Fnaf au/joking because it'd take forever

seriously though, why does everyone want to give students homework. I go to school , that should be enough :/

In a question I swear is relevant , team theorists as types teachers

MatPat would probably be English - don't ask my why he just gives english teacher vibes

I'm pretty sure there are studies that show too much homework is ineffective but don't quote me on it. Hang in there pal, fanfic can wait for the weekend.

I kinda agree Matt gives off Dead Poets Society vibes but I think he's said on record he hated English classes (was I the only one shocked that MatPat doesn't read?!). If he's teaching high school, yeah he's the AP Lit professor. If he's teaching college, he's the really young, oversharing Psych101 professor who's really cool but you also know too much about his wife, kid and cat, and his weekend hobbies. He's overcommitted on five hundred faculty committees and faculty Senate. He's won Teacher/Professor of the Year five times and he's not even 40 yet. In his spare time he consults for Google.

My other guesses:

Stephanie: Chemistry Professor or high school Chem teacher. God help you poor kids in her class, she's the strictest grader and the only time she unwinds is when Mr. Patrick sneaks into her classroom in between break periods. You know nothing about her personal life. Is she married to Mr. Patrick/Dr Patrick, or are they just friends?! Unless you have Mr Patrick and he overshares about her, you won't know, and you never will.

Lee: Bad ass History teacher all the way, in university and high school. He's also the advisor for the academic decathlon team. He's the chillest teacher ever and he'll let you sleep in his class. Just don't disrespect Tolkien in his presence.

Amy: Art teacher in high school, teaches fashion and design at the college level. She gives off 'mean teacher' vibes because most people only see her interact with Mr. Massa and Mr. Robinson and she often rips them a new one for being too loud and obnoxious. But she's actually fantastic to have in class and you learn a lot from her.

You also work your butt off. Don't take her as an elective.

Tom: ...I have no idea. I guess choir director? Tom is dyslexic and ADHD so teaching would be a hard profession for him. I can see him doing choir/show choir at the high school level though. He seems to give really good advice on his streams so maybe he's a school guidance counselor or adviser.

Santi: Physical education or kinesiology professor. He beefs with Mr. Robinson all the time because he keeps stealing his best football players for his stupid little drama club. Clearly PE is superior because there's more sports scholarships than there are art, so Tom is really just bringing down the entire school. Mr. Massa is also a very chill teacher, he'll let you skip class so long as Mr. Patrick doesn't notice you're not at the all school assembly (because he will notice).

Ash: The overburdened AV instructor/school librarian/media specialist in the Theorist high school. For college, they are the media librarian that just wants you to return the dvd copy of Return of the King, LEE. Ash never has enough money or time in any incarnation but they are the most cheerful and bad ass LGBTQ+ student club advisor you've ever had. Lies to homophobic parents and says they're just a gaming club because you do usually end up discussing FNAF lore for hours until Ms. Cordato knocks on the door to politely kick you all out because its 5pm.

BONUS

Head Editor Dan: Animation professor or creative writing teacher at Theorist High. Also does freshmen homeroom so he's constantly in pain and in need of coffee. Gives off 'don't mess with me' vibes but is a real sweetheart if you get to know him. But what you don't know is that he's pitching five different tv pilots and one of these days he will just randomly disappear because his show was bought by ABC. Ten years from now you'll see his name in the credits of your favorite show as the Executive Producer.

[maya-matlin]

hiiiii ashton <333 I know we've talked about it before but I recently was on a video and saw some comments that angered me and you know I ship leyton and brulian too but I just wanna hear your thoughts because you always give the best ones!! why do you personally prefer brucas over leyton? why don't you ship leyton? and what do you think about the comments from people saying how leyton were always supposed to be endgame even though s2&3 it certainly didn't feel that way!! and about the comments saying that chopia breaking up had nothing to do with it even though they broke up before brucas actually got back together and they could've very easily not put them together after chopia broke up if they wanted to lol I'm just very curious about your thoughts and don't really wanna discuss it in messenger tbh this is easier so I get all your opinions lol I love you so much and you always give the best responses and answers when I ask you things!! 💞💞💞

I literally don't, but thank you for saying that 💙💙 First things first, I did ship Lucas and Peyton in the past. So on some level, I understand the appeal because I also fell for them when I started watching One Tree Hill. Truth be told, one day I just snapped out of it. Before season 6 even premiered, I was watching my season 5 DVD and finding myself frustrated with the LP story line while appreciating the dynamic between Brucas. Anyways, since then I've watched every episode multiple times and analyzed both by myself and sometimes with others why exactly I don't root for Leyton and prefer Brucas. To me, they're representative of a lot of tropes that will never be my favorite. Meant to be from the pilot couples are always going to be a hard sell. The chemistry had better be something special and the ongoing story needs to be more than, "I immediately know you better than everyone else in your life after having a handful of conversations." There are always exceptions to this rule. Sometimes I fall for the ship fast (Stelena, sorry). Other times it takes until nearly the entire first season or until the second (Ephram/Amy from Everwood, Max/Liz from OG Roswell, Spelivia) for me to get past the beginning and appreciate what the couple is at the heart of it. Needless to say, this sums up Leyton (derogatory). So much of their connection is told to the audience rather than shown. From day one, it's automatically clear that this is the couple to root for. Their only real obstacle, Nathan, is a comically terrible, borderline abusive boyfriend, so the fact Lucas in early season 1 is the anti Nathan pushes him incredibly hard as Peyton's ideal match. Once Brucas starts up, there's an immediate difference in energy and chemistry. Both Lucas and Peyton take themselves so seriously. It's always deep feelings and angst and brooding and "oh, we want to be together, but the circumstances are just too hard." And meanwhile, it's only like episode 9. Brooke has deep feelings and her own insecurities, but on the outside she doesn't take life super seriously and is someone who acts rather than internalizing everything. Brooke's influence on Lucas's life feels like a breath of fresh air. Lucas begins to loosen up and see that there can be more to life than his preconceived ideas of how the world works and how everyone should be acting. On Lucas's end, he encourages Brooke to develop her intellectual side and see that she has so much more to offer than being the life of the party and someone who gets validation from sleeping with a lot of guys. Lucas is the first person Brooke wants to get serious with. Even better, this is a story line we actually get to see play out. When Lucas and Brooke talk about what they like about each other, it all tracks because we've been watching their attraction bloom and seeing how in a lot of ways, they're at their best together. Sorry, this is getting long. This is all solely based on season 1. By the end of the season, Lucas and Peyton cheat for the first time. This sadly becomes a pattern for them. Brooke is emotionally devastated. And though Lucas immediately seems to feel guilt over hurting Brooke, it takes him time to see how far he's strayed from the type of person he wants to be.

Season 2 is a massive gamechanger for Brucas. This is the first time they're truly able to be friends. Without the expectation of a relationship, Brooke and Lucas are able to connect on a deeper level. Yet again, this is something shown to us rather than told. This is the kind of relationship both took the time to develop. Much like in season 1, Lucas encourages Brooke to invest in her more intellectual, soulful side. Lucas himself works on being more selfless, taking the time to improve as a person. Unlike when Lucas pined for Peyton while she was dating Nathan and embarked on an affair during his first relationship with Brooke, this time Lucas allows Brooke's relationship with Felix to play out without any interference while still being a friend. Lucas is aware of his own feelings, but he also knows how badly he hurt Brooke in the past and has no reason to think a second chance is even a possibility. When Lucas kisses Brooke after months of close friendship and opening up to each other emotionally (albeit with Brooke understandably on guard post cheating and Lucas hiding his rediscovered feelings), it feels earned. The third season is a mixed bag. At its best, season 3 Brucas is a perfect mix of seasons 1 and 2 Brucas. Both seem to be equally emotionally invested in the relationship working out and view each other as basically their endgame. But the fun and the lightheartedness exist, as well. Brooke is still someone who brings light and fun to Lucas's life. On Lucas's end, it starts to get murky as the show gets closer and closer to the shooting episode. After spending so much time veering away from the possibility of Lucas and Peyton together with emphasis on Lucas's love for Brooke, the strength of the Brooke/Peyton friendship and even how Lucas and Peyton are actually able to be platonic, healthy friends themselves, everything gets destroyed so that the show can return to Leyton. On the one hand, it's not as though it's totally out of nowhere or implausible because again, the narrative went so hard in Leyton's favor during the first season. But at the same time, it doesn't feel believable to me when it finally happens. Lucas seems to flip flop from getting past his breakup with Brooke to declaring Peyton is the one he wants next to him when his dreams come true in mere seconds. The writers LOVE to make Lucas in denial about his feelings for Peyton. Past the first season, we don't get Lucas pining for Peyton. We just don't. We got Lucas pining for Brooke during season 2 and part of 3 and even Lucas wanting Lindsey back after she leaves him at the altar, but for the lion's share of LP's history, it's Peyton desperately wanting Lucas and somewhat being willing to sacrifice everything just for the chance of being with him. So because of this, Lucas becomes an almost passive love interest where he's told over and over again what he should want and what his true feelings are until he just kind of.. says fine, choosing Peyton. That alone is why I prefer Brucas. It's the more compelling story line and relationship. Plus, the chemistry.

And I hate to do it, but this vs this:

Chemistry is unpredictable, always up for debate, and shouldn't always be the deciding factor in what a person ships. My shipping preferences have been all over the place in this area. But when the writing is lacking and the chemistry isn't really selling the story either, these moments that are supposed to be powerful and come across as passionate somehow come across as phony and put on. In my opinion, Chad and Hilarie had buddy chemistry while Chad and Sophia had the passionate, in love type of chemistry due in large part to literally being in love and married in real life.

As a viewer, I really resent being told that Lucas was simply denying his true feelings for no other reason I can think of except maliciousness when he spent basically two and a half seasons wanting Brooke over Peyton. The romantic relationship with Lucas and Peyton during seasons 4 and 6 seems like the healthier option on the surface, but it comes back to how I feel about Lucas as a passive love interest and Peyton's arc being so wrapped up in whether or not she gets the guy. This is pretty much spelled out towards the end of season 3. During a conversation between Brooke and Peyton, Brooke confides in Peyton that during Lucas's absence she realized that she wasn't as reliant on his physical presence as she thought she'd be. From Brooke's perspective, all this means is that Brooke is somehow capable of loving and being happy independently of the man she loves. But on One Tree Hill, this is supposed to imply Brooke either doesn't truly love Lucas, is falling out of love with Lucas, or that Peyton loves Lucas more because she doesn't desire independence outside of him. It's a gross message to say the least. This brings me full circle, back to season 5. Between seasons, Lucas proposed to Peyton and broke off the relationship when she didn't accept his proposal. Objectively speaking, not the worst thing in the world and a valid thing to do if this is a deal breaker. But this causes the Lucas/Peyton relationship to be heavily imbalanced and in Lucas's favor over Peyton's. Lucas stops feeling like the kind of person who follows his heart and more this desperate guy who wants to marry someone to the point the bride doesn't actually matter. If I go along with the idea that Lucas was in love with Peyton throughout the intervening years, throughout season 5 and for the entirety of his romance with Lindsey, what does that say about Lucas? One, he's the kind of guy who is so out of touch with his own emotions that nothing he says should ever be trusted. Or two, he's an asshole and will willingly commit himself to another woman under false pretenses just because he didn't get what he wanted from his first choice on his terms. Peyton's love for Lucas is meant to be undying and unconditional, causing her to behave in such selfish, desperate ways. Lucas, on the other hand, proves that his affection for Peyton is very conditional. He's not willing to compromise. He doesn't want to wait around for Peyton to catch up with where he is.

And in the mean time, Lucas bouncing between Peyton and Lindsey actually means season 5 Brucas is a very good alternative for Lucas. It's all very unspoken, but the chemistry and the connection between Lucas and Brooke never goes away. Much like in season 2, the possibility of romance is very much off the table. Brooke returns to Tree Hill not to win Lucas back, but because she misses her hometown and sees herself settling down there. Because nothing is being pushed on either end, it's much easier for adult Lucas and adult Brooke to be friends in a way that's impossible for Lucas and Peyton. They're able to relate to each other outside of high school and their past romance. A flashback reveals that Lucas was the first person Brooke told that she wanted to have a baby. During the time Brooke is taking care of Angie, Lucas becomes the kind of person Brooke can depend on and lean on for emotional support. Even outside of season 5, there's a consistent theme of Lucas being the best, most selfless version of himself with Brooke. It's as though Brooke's influence in Lucas's life mixed with their season 1 history almost demands that Lucas be better when they're together. Both Brooke and Lucas are in the place where they're looking to settle down. In a moment that's kind of a contrast to season 3

Unlike in season 3 when Lucas was trying to fight for Brooke but kind of clueless when it came to working out what she wanted from him, this time Lucas realizes that no matter how strong Brooke seems to be, she needs him to show up for her. There will always be endless potential for season 5+ Brucas, in my opinion. Their strong bond and complementary desires for a future shine through even as the narrative reminds us over and over again that Peyton is the one who loves Lucas most and that anything that isn't about Peyton is merely "denial" or Lucas "hiding his heart." Anyways, Lucas literally fantasizes about marrying all of his major love interests, Brooke included. The dream sequence wants us to believe Brooke and Lucas want very different things, making them fundamentally incompatible. The entirety of seasons 5-9 disagrees with this, but Lucas still ends up with Peyton.

When it comes down to it, I don't like the people Lucas and Peyton are around each other. As friends, it's mostly okay. They certainly share common interests and Peyton lacks the trust issues Lucas's other girlfriends have considering she's always the other woman. But.. so much of their love story comes across as incredibly forced with so many holes in it. Their arc throughout the first six seasons does NOT hold water. Peyton isn't allowed to be a fully fleshed out person with goals that don't perfectly align with becoming Mrs. Lucas Scott. Lucas holds all the cards, resulting in him becoming far more selfish and almost childish in the way he acts like season 1 Lucas who is still butthurt his crush didn't want to commit to him after one make out session. Even in the final season, I don't see much if any growth. It's the final season for both characters and the show played out the beats of broken up Leyton, so they're put back together. So much of what happens between Lucas and Peyton is heavily reliant on the idea of everything coming full circle without any regard for how one or both have changed since then. Brucas doesn't have this problem. If nothing else, Brooke and Lucas's relationship goes through multiple changes, with each phase feeling much more mature and deeper than the one before. Even though their past and Brooke's trust issues are recurring problems, their actual dynamic always remains in the present.

As for your last question, I'll never know for sure what discussions were like behind the scenes circa seasons 2 and 3. But based on how season 2 played out, I think there's a very good chance the endgame shifted. The underlying tension and romantic affection between Lucas and Peyton was completely gone. Lucas realized he wanted to be with Brooke and never seemed to consider Peyton. Even Peyton, who has ambiguous moments that refer to possible feelings for Lucas even before the shooting, doesn't have this during the second season. She spends far more time pining for and loving Jake. When Peyton expresses displeasure over her relationship with Lucas, it's that he hasn't been the kind of friend that shows up for her emotionally. Lucas's response to this is to bring Jake back to town LOL. In terms of season 3, it gets confusing. Chad and Sophia didn't separate until multiple episodes into the first half of season 3. Meaning, the groundwork was already being laid for Brucas's failed friends with benefits/casual relationship to become a deeper romantic one even before Chad and Sophia split up. But at the same time, Lucas's friendship with Peyton was also being prioritized again with more references to their romantic past coming up outside of Brooke's insecurities. So with that in mind, it seems like LP was a possibility even as Brucas was rebuilding their relationship. However, I think the Chad/Sophia split permanently closed the door on any legitimate Brucas once their season 3 arc was completed. Personally, I don't think Peyton ending up with Lucas was set in stone until the end of season 3. Had Chad and Sophia never split up, I definitely think we would have seen another round of Brucas at some point because the chemistry alone would have demanded it. Plus, the gross producers capitalizing on the real life Chad/Sophia romance. In a universe where Chad and Sophia never broke up, my gut says Lucas ends up with Brooke. But nothing is 100%. To sum up my thoughts, I think there was a plan in place during season 1. I think another plan emerged during season 2. In season 3, the endgame was literally up for grabs. But Chad and Sophia's breakup sealed the deal.

I love you, too! I'm so sorry for making you read all this.

[in-pleasant-company]

Review of American Girl: Corinne Tan The Movie

This review contains spoilers for the movie, as well as the books Corinne and Corinne to the Rescue.

Rating: ****

I think it's important to start off by saying that the theme of this movie is somewhat different from the Corinne books. In the first book, Corinne is struggling to adjust to her stepfather, whose wealth gives her and her younger sister access to a different lifestyle and home environment. Her discomfort with her stepfather causes her to become self conscious, and this is escalated when he dismisses an incident where she experiences sinophobia. (It's important to note that these books take place during the Covid-19 pandemic, when sinophobia was at peak levels.)

In the movie, Corinne is anxious to find her True Calling because "everyone else" has one. Her little sister is figure skating prodigy, her mother is achieving her dream of opening a Chinese restaurant ...

Hold that thought.

My theory is that Corinne developed anxiety about who she is from her parents' divorce itself - her father is painted as a bit of a loser who lives in a smaller, less glamorous house and only feeds his daughters cheap junk food, and she fears that she'll end up like him and be rejected by her mother. (The idea of a smaller house being the sign of a loser is laughable, considering the prices for houses in Aspen and the surrounding area.)

The irony is that Corinne isn't as swayed by her stepfather's money as her mother is - at one point she vents that she's the only one who has no True Calling, aside from Arne. He protests, but it's an entirely fair assessment - he doesn't have interests that drive him like the rest of the family. Other than money, Arne and David, the girls' father, seem strikingly similar. (And am I the only one who seemed to think they had more chemistry with each other than with Judy?)

Sadly, Corinne's parents (yes, all of them), seem too wrapped up their own vague, unspecified problems to care when their daughters leave. There doesn't seem to be a major effort to find Corinne when she goes missing the first time, and when Gwynn leaves the house at night in the middle of winter, Judy and Arne don't even notice. (It's never explained how Gwynn gets to the resort, but there's no way that isn't anxiety inducing.)

I've gotten this far with the review, and I haven't even touched on the dog. I'll be brief, because I can be. If you've read the books, you'll notice right away that the dog plot is completely different. Instead, Corinne clearly sees herself in a dog who's so terrible at her ski rescue training that she's about to be sent back to the breeder.

There was a missed opportunity here to connect loser dad to loser dog. There's a scene where Corinne asks her father why he never competed in the Olympics, and he tells her he's happy being a ski instructor. That should have been the lesson of the movie: it's not necessary for someone to be have a True Calling and be The Best at something. What if the dog's purpose was just to be a dog? What if Corinne's purpose is just to be a girl? But that's not marketable.

Corinne thinks the dog deserves just one more chance (over and over again) and fights for what she believes is the dog's True Calling of being a ski rescue dog. The dog proves her worth at a key moment, and the movie ends with everyone being friendly to each other.

It's a shame that the impactful themes from the book series are completely missing from this movie. The family's confrontation of racism brought pandemic era sinophobia to the attention of the littlest readers in an easily accessible way, and was an excellent example of "grownups ARE wrong sometimes." There's also no Covid-19 pandemic at all.

It's also a shame that the warm, love filled bonding moments between Judy and Corinne are missing from this movie, as they were one of my favorite parts of the book.

Final notes:

Miya and Kai were great despite the clunky script. If they decide to continue acting, I'd love to see them in other projects. Historically (haha!) American Girl actors can and do go far, but if they "just" want to be kids now, all the power to them.

If you're looking for a doll themed movie about anxieties about self, go with the new Barbie movie instead. The messages are much clearer and healthier.

I'm very curious to see a "Psychologists watch ..." style review of this movie.

[itsbinghebitch]

I was trying not to get involved in everything going on right now but after reading your last post I just felt I had to say something. Firstly you seem like a really mature and thoughtful person which is such a breath of fresh air in online spaces in general. The way you're handling the situation is really admirable and your words really resonated with me. I'm relatively new to this fandom (I watched KPTS after the shitshow in January) and, after learning what happened, I've done my best to keep my distance from the cast and BOC and just focus on the story and characters. Based on what I'd read about the case I was willing to give Build the benefit of the doubt but the recent leaked messages make that nearly impossible which is also preventing me from enjoying the series which I've come to love. What makes it worse is that I'm an artist who loves VegasPete and, just like you, every time I try to make art with them, I keep thinking about all the awful comments Build made about Bible and it feels plain wrong to draw them together. Even for someone like me who's not emotionally attached to the actors it's really hard to separate them from the characters and it's making my fandom experience pretty miserable. I have very complicated feelings about the whole ordeal - on one hand as a queer person like you I'm tired of people's homophobia and bigotry being swept under the rug, but on the other hand I've seen first hand what an abusive relationship can do to a person so I can't help but feel some compassion for him too. I truly hope he can reflect on his mistakes and heal and grow as a person. Maybe I'm just too old for celebrity culture and drama but I do feel the need to be able to discuss issues like this one in a calm and level headed manner instead of falling victim to black and white thinking and turning things into a witch hunt. Sorry for the rant and feel free to ignore this message, your post just really resonated with me and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the matter. I hope you have a lovely day/night ❤️

thank u sm for this message.... i really appreciate you taking the time to write about your experience and i'm glad you felt like you could share ❤️

there isn't a clear-cut answer to the whole debacle. whoever tries to sell you one is a scammer or is speaking out of an emotionally clouded place (as i was last week lol).

taking a look back at everything, i think it's important to acknowledge:

1. multiple things can be true at once: you can feel hurt by build's comments and still feel sympathy for his predicament.

2. you should be able to discuss these things without feeling like you'll get, idk. fandom black points. or get blocked by everyone who thinks differently than you (which happened to me), or even hounded and hacked by people to the point of getting your blog shut down (which happened to blramblings).

3. it's really fucking hard to be a fandom creator in these circumstances. i'm really sorry to hear your art has been impacted. especially in the case of vegaspete, i tend to believe there was an "aura" inextricably linking biblebuild as actors to who they were representing on screen. no one but biblebuild could've been vegaspete for me. it was their contrasting facial features, it was in their on-screen rapport and chemistry for me. their choices in portraying the characters, the behind-the-scene interviews... that aura mesmerized me for an entire year literally. and it's not only fine to admit that the situation complicates your fandom art, it should be an *active conversation* we have as fandom creators. because let me tell you, i don't write fic on top of my insane job out of the goodness of my heart. it's because of that spark of joy i feel, that stepping out of the regular day to day. the moment that joy isn't there anymore, it becomes labor. and let me tell you one thing i DON'T do. it's FREE LABOR corporations fuck me on the daily already so why would i let them do it as a hobby too

so yeah thanks so much for sharing your thoughts <3 i rly rly appreciate it and sending you lots of good vibes. who knows what the future holds in store for us etc. etc. but we out here!!!

[kurayami-no-ko]

Overall impression about Heisuke Hen

I really dislike the camera work of Heisuke hen. For some reasons, they keep focusing on a single person during the dance in Yaisa Yaisa Yaisa and only the upper body, too. This means that it is impossible to look at the choreography and also impossible to see whether all the other people are standing. The whole point of an ensemble is to see everybody on the stage together and Heisuke hen camera work just makes it impossible to see it. Also, I literally cannot see anybody dance because the camera angle is so bad. I am really glad for the new works, they show us the entire ensemble besides the solo scenes.

Also, that duet between Heisuke and Sannan at the end is just bad. They are literally arguing and singing about how their comradeship is ending and there is that upbeat music? I don’t understand how it is a good idea. 

However, the best thing is that everyone was just so damned cute. Like, I was overwhelmed with cuteness when I watched it. Ikeda Junya was just so, so cute. Tanoue Marina was also just so cute. They had great chemistry together. Chizuru in the game is, unfortunately, rather blank so it is great to see different Chizuru actors bringing different take on her and making her into a more well-rounded character. I think that one reason that they keep changing Chizuru actor for every Hakumyu is to find a Chizuru that will best fit the guy whose route is the focus of the musical. Mikata as Sannan was also cute, but I wonder whether that is just because I always find Sannan cute or because he was actually cute in the musical.

Furthermore, I really wish that they included Sen in more Hakumyu after I saw Heisuke hen because Yanagita Erika as Sen was just so cute. She also had such a great relationship with Chizuru in the musical that I wish that they could interact with each other more in other musicals. However, my issue with her portrayal is that it was too cute without much bite in it? Sen in the game is a very cute, sweet and supportive girl. She, however, has a lot of sass and is willing to bring it out. I feel like this musical’s Sen lacks that sass, especially in regard to Kazama. She is always so supportive and protective of Chizuru, and I love it when she hit Kazama with a fan and glared at him. This Sen had some great sassy, protective moments but not to the level of the game’s Sen.

[selflessanatta]

Pride and Arrogance, the Price for Being Gifted, https://selflessanatta.com/pride-and-arrogance-the-price-for-being-gifted/

New Post has been published on https://selflessanatta.com/pride-and-arrogance-the-price-for-being-gifted/

Pride and Arrogance, the Price for Being Gifted

Being smart isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It provides many advantages, but it also provides many roadblocks to success.

I always excelled at standardized tests, generally scoring in the highest 99th percentile for each category.

When I arrived at college, I set the benchmark curb in subjects including chemistry, political science, mathematics, and history, none of which were subjects that interested me that much.

I was on the dean’s list with a perfect 4.0 for 5 semesters.

I scored two 800s and a 780 on the GRE for admission to graduate school.

Do you know what that gave me?

A colossal ego and a sense of superiority that elevated me above every mere mortal I came into contact with.

I embodied asshole, like Ted Cruz.

Hell, I thought I was smarter than a guy like that.

I was simply the Best, better than all the rest. G.O.A.T. Greatest of All Time!!!

Pride over Pride can elevate you above anyone.

Never compete with another person’s ego. It’s a game of dick-measuring you can never win.

Would it surprise you that my relationships suffered, and nobody liked me very much?

It shouldn’t.

I wouldn’t have liked me either, not that I realized that. I thought I was great!

I scored in the 99th percentile on Pride

I studied with a gentlemen who obtained a perfect score on the GRE. I failed to achieve that.

He was smart; I am not, and I could immediately tell the difference.

Standardized tests only measure to a certain level. When you meet someone who goes beyond, you see just how smart people can be.

But by then, I was supremely arrogant, and set in my ways, so even that humbling setback didn’t change my lofty self evaluation.

I told myself I was probably still in the top 10. Right?

I could blow smoke up my ass with the best of them.

That was a competition I wanted to win!

It felt lovely!!!

I struggled with excessive self-esteem.

My body too

I got into powerlifting in my 20s, and in my early 30s, I got into bodybuilding.

I was never really close to being buff for a competition, but I still managed to propel my vanity into the clouds.

I was too sexy.

Career Failure

Most of my professional career has been one setback after another.

I blamed everyone else of course, but I had no ability to put together teams or work toward common goals because I felt I was the only one capable of anything.

The only successes I had were things I accomplished completely on my own, which wasn’t very much.

This was entirely due to my pride and arrogance.

My amazing gifts went largely to waste due to my foibles.

I have no Desire, Right?

Not just was I supremely arrogant about my intelligence, I also believed I was more spiritually evolved that everyone else.

I cultivated a self image of an angel with no selfish thoughts, a truly “enlightened” being.

I was deluding myself.

Holy Beings worshiped me. Mere mortals were lucky to be in my presence, and I expected them to be dutifully thankful for my missives from God.

Reverence to Holy Being

It was apparent to everyone except me.

Their opinions didn’t matter much, thanks to my arrogance.

And worse, I was ignoring the signals from a force, my Selfish Desire, that pushed me to do bad things.

When I bothered to examine how I set conditions in motion to create my problems — a rare occurrence at best — I couldn’t figure out why I was doing bad things, lying to myself and others about it, and becoming upset that nobody would aid my victim story by agreeing with it.

I lived in a perpetual state of woe-is-me.

It was unpleasant.

Willful Ignorance is no solution to managing your Desires.

When I denied my selfish feelings, I put on the appearance of a Buddhist, learned some of the lingo, and practiced breath meditation a few times.

I extrapolated my few experiences to expert status and climbed to the peak of Mount Stupid, with a healthy dose of arrogance to tingle my root chakra to propel my liftoff.

Have you ever met someone like that?

Look up Jim and Tammy Bakker.

My desire and I do not exist, right?

I didn’t give up on Buddhism. I felt something was there for me, but I needed to dig a bit deeper — actually a lot deeper.

I had a book. I needed to open the cover and read it.

And start practicing.

I figured I would take a big whack at negating the “I” entirely. I read somewhere that the self is an illusion and does not exist.

Okay. If the self doesn’t exist, then that voice of Desire must be an illusion. I can merely ignore it, and it will go away.

Bumper Sticker Wisdom.

Let me try that and see what happens.

Unsurprisingly, It didn’t work out well.

It’s really not that much different to cast a spell on yourself to remain oblivious to Selfish Desire as it is to be aware of Selfish Desire and try to ignore it.

And realistically, Desire’s voice is hard to ignore. Like being haunted.

Hearing the signals of Selfish Desire is not enough.

I needed to manage it.

Surprisingly, I actually found a way that worked.

I promoted him to Court Jester.

Cutting a Deal

My ego, the manifestation of Selfish Desire, delights in self-serving bullshit.

I reasoned with my selfish desire. I’ll trade something I want for something he wants.

I will agree to listen to him if he agrees not to take control of the ship.

Let me make the decisions.

Consciousness.

The ringleader, cat herder, prime minister of the Parliament in my mind.

My Court Jester

I promoted him to court jester after years of failure trying to kill him, ignore him, or pretend he didn’t exist.

The voice of my ego or selfish desire, my court jester, seems content in his role.

At least he isn’t bothered, and I listen.

We established Détente.

We were no longer at war. My mind became more peaceful.

Quite honestly, I’m surprised at how well that little mental game works.

Inside out is very close to the mark. Great Movie!

That’s Funny!

He has a voice in the chorus, so I react to him as my court jester.

Even when he’s serious, I take his advice as humor.

Strangely enough, he doesn’t mind.

He has little or no power to motivate me, which is the purpose of the mental gymnastics to manage him.

He’s actually quite entertaining. For better or worse, he’s taken control of my sense of humor.

He’s basic.

He’s crass, rude to pretense, brutal in his honesty.

He uses candor like a knife to cut through bullshit.

I’ve learned to appreciate him.

He’s changed my laugh. It’s got a slight hint of maniacal devilishness to it.

Contemplate this: How do you keep a fool in suspense?

Have you figured it out yet?

~~Giggles~~

Pride is the Jester’s Playground

I discovered “Court Jester” technique accidentally when I was working with Pride.

Pride is the playground of the ego.

My Court Jester’s fiefdom.

As worked with Pride, when I heard my own self-aggrandizing self-talk as humor rather than who I was, It was explosively funny, at least to me.

I’ve battled pride enough to identify that smoke-up-my-ass, uplifting feeling announcing his arrival.

Your Great!

Flattery will get you everywhere with Pride.

I played video games to study Pride.

I found that whenever I played skillfully I could hear the peanut gallery congratulating me particularly loudly.

As I learned to listen more closely, I heard these little scripts run with quips like.

You’re Great!

You’re Awesome!

Unbelievable. Best Ever!

You’re the MAN!!!

And I felt these feelings with great enthusiasm.

When I first noticed it, I agreed with the sentiment. Hell, yeah, I am the man!

I felt a big rush of energy near my root chakra so close to my ass that….

I’ll stop there.

That feeling. Blowing smoke up my ass. That is my signal of pride.

Ying and Yang

I don’t know why it feels that way, but I have a theory.

My root chakra is nearby between my ying and my yang — if you know what I mean.

The root chakra points straight down, connects to the earth, and to reality itself.

When I elevate myself with aggrandizing self-talk, my body loses connection to my earthen reality, lifting me up off the ground.

That tingly feeling is my body informing my mind that something is amiss.

I am emotionally blowing smoke up my ass, and the tingles feel that flow.

Wedge Salads

Despite my lofty self-evaluation, my wife found a way to penetrate my delusions and get helpful information to me.

Both sides of this little interaction are aptly captured in Season 2, episode 16 of Modern Family.

This upset my wife for years.

Because I believed I was so much smarter than everyone else, you couldn’t just tell me something.

That wouldn’t penetrate my shield of superiority.

My pride rejects all information, not directly sustaining my lofty self-opinion.

My wife’s information came from a faulty, lowly mortal who doesn’t check her facts, so I didn’t hear her words.

But the words got in, subconsciously, through the back door.

Even if I had known she was the source of information originally, I most certainly would have cast a spell upon myself to forget it.

Then, later, when this new, utterly original idea emerged from my mind, it was washed clean of its association with my wife.

Then I was a genius!

More smoke!

Check and Mate

When Wedge Salad incidents occurred, my wife used to go bananas.

Who could blame her?

After a while, my wife stopped becoming upset.

She used to mumble “wedge salad” under her breath and giggle — which was cool with me because I could remain prideful and enjoy the smoke.

She found the wisdom to see what was happening and use it to her advantage.

She planted Wedge Salads on purpose and waited for them to ripen.

When they did, she obtained the delightful satisfaction of outwitting the master.

She beat me at my own game!

Kudos to her!!!

I admit defeat.

I bow in honor to the superior mind.

Screw you and your “holier than thou” bullshit.

I can be preachy and self-aggrandizing, particularly when my pride and arrogance grab attention.

I actually used the “smoke up my ass” test to edit this writing.

If I felt any amount of self-aggrandizement in any statement, it was removed.

My apologies if the Court Jester made it past my filter.

He’s sneaky.

There is a Season

When answers to my questions include that wonderfully uplifting feeling of smoke blown up my ass, I quickly deduce that I need to ask better questions.

I recently had an intense emotional awakening.

When the empowerment came, I asked myself: “Why did this happen now and not some other time?”

I got decent answers.

Funny ones, anyway.

Trigger Warning

What follows will appeal to men more than women, except for those rare few who can laugh at extreme male stupidity on full display.

It’s crass.

It’s totally male.

It’s totally heterosexually male in raw detail.

You’ve been warned.

Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash

Poolside Harem

The Court Jester really wanted to show that picture again, so here it is.

The Court Jester secretly hopes everyone on earth discovers through this viral post and admires Him with flattering, racy comments.

He is self-important, proud, and vain.

He also complains that Humility is overrated.

I let him show his ignorant ass, just for the giggles.

He is my court jester.

You can get away with crap like that when you write anonymously!

Realistically, if I had become empowered as a younger man, I wouldn’t have survived the hedonistic binge that would have followed.

Pardon my digression, but my court jester did entertain me with some fantastic ideas that I would have implemented as an over-empowered, testosterone-pumped young man.

I’m confident that I would have employed a harem of stunning nude call girls to inhabit my pool.

Yeah, realistically, if I really didn’t have any reason to stop myself.

I would have.

Perhaps I have them catcall to me, call me “Big Boy,” and say, “You’re the man.”

That would be fun.

The La Quinta Cove Cock demonstrates that the desire for a big cock manifests in unusual ways.

G.O.A.T.

I might even take it one step further.

Why not?

I have the money. I only live once.

I would GO for it, in a big way.

Think of the Qi flow.

Wow!

My private harem of stunning nudes (their objects, not people) would have been extremely well paid to convince me — using all feminine charms at her disposal — the following Immutable Truths:

My monstrous member goes waaaay deep and feels ecstatically overwhelming, stimulating orgasms on contact. My Wand is magic!

As a lover, I am GOAT, the greatest of all time; not just her time, not just her best, I am the best lover that any woman ever had the privilege to pleasure. (That last part mandates deep digging for a strong performance. Method actors preferred.)

She eagerly enjoys my pleasures, no matter how bizarre; if she really doesn’t like it, she must fake it perfectly every time, forever, or until I tire of her and desire a replacement. A melon softens with too many squeezes.

She gushes excitedly for her good fortune and the honor of pleasing me. She is entirely selflessly devoted to my selfish pleasure — a true religious devotee willing to worship my manhood.

I would have expected Academy Award performances, and internally, I would have fostered the illusion and lived in that warped reality.

That really shouldn’t be surprising to anyone.

If any heterosexual male denies the above, I call bullshit.

Women, men, swap parts. Imagine the characters as you please. If the image appeals, the lover is believable, and they react to you by those four principles, you would like that.

It would be something you want.

There is a reason Leonardo DiCaprio has a cult of devotees who habitually spit-polish his knob.

He likes it.

Leo, My Court Jester thinks you RULE! He wants to throw a party and invite my favorite rock bands from the 80s. It will be GLORIOUS!!!

Leo, Seriously, my apologies for any offense. The performances you and Johnny Depp delivered in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. That’s G.O.A.T. I didn’t see you. I only saw Arnie. Remarkable. That movie deeply touched my heart.

Johnny, My wife was tempted to stuff you into the trunk of her car when you consulted a map for directions in a parking lot in Las Vegas 30 years ago. She still tells the story. She’s says your hot.

Living an illusion is very tempting. With enough money, you can afford an entourage of hangers-on, like Elvis did.

You can create the illusion of who you want to be, arrange your environment to reinforce your delusions, surround yourself with “yes” men (and women, of course), and live the dream.

Sort of.

Photo of the author living a fantasy with a work party photo model. I usually didn’t go clubbing with a name tag.

Paying the Piper

Unfortunately, reality bats last.

Karma is inescapable.

Faking a life is a pathway to extreme suffering when the illusion can’t be sustained.

The emotional fall can be nasty, the impact hard.

Work in my house while writing. Did the Buddha in the background move this guy’s ladder?

Consequences Smonsequences

When I was young, I partied hard, drove fast, climbed dangerous mountains, and explored uncharted caves.

If financially enabled, I would have endangered myself more often, bought a motorcycle, gone skydiving, base jumping, or other adrenaline-inducing activities without regard to the risks and potential consequences.

My life was saved by financial limits on my hedonistic urges and sense of adventure at a time when I lacked the wisdom to know better.

Even past the age of recklessness, I was still a self-important, self-serving, typical young adult with no spiritual practice.

I would have squandered my power doing bad things to people — not the tiny slights of ordinary mortals — but supercharged major pain inflictors made possible by money and driven by an entitled, I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude and a sense of impunity.

I might have become president.

I would not have been ready if I had obtained power even as recently as a couple of years ago.

I can’t say I was ready when it happened, but ready or not, the fundamental practice of a Buddhist is to accept reality as it is.

I have lots of money now.

I accepted it.

It’s sweet.

It went down easy.

Still an Ass?

I won’t waste wind trying to convince you I’ve overcome my pride and arrogance.

If I have not, that would be part of the show.

If I have, then no further explanation is required.

[badedramay]

Ok I’ll bite. Why don’t you like Bilal’s pairing with Maya? I’m not crazy about it, either, but amongst the men in the industry, he’s def not the worst. I prefer Bilal and Maya as opposed to sherry and Maya because I genuinely don’t think sherry liked her and used her for her fame. Bilal on the other hand, while he’s not the most talented of stars, seems like he’s pretty into her and she seems happy with him.

Yunhi made me like the pair a little more, too. Note: just a little.

My dream pairing in real life would be maya and OKB but khair I let go of that dream around 2016.

see, I really do not care who Maya is with offscreen. it's just that her offscreen relationships ALWAYS reflect her onscreen work. all my best wishes to Maya if Bilal has made her happy irl. that's what she deserves. she deserves a loving partner, everyone does! but you said it yourself - her chemistry with Bilal is NOT the best. i have SEEN Maya create intense magic (onscreen) with men for years. OsMaya might be her longest lasting pairing but from the start..from Faizan Khwaja to now Talha Chahour..Maya has created literal SPARKS when paired romantically with any man. with Bilal it's obvious that the chemistry is NOT as natural and as magical as the ones she has had with other men. yea the chemistry is THERE but that's cuz she's capable of creating chemistry with a tree if she has to. but that doesn't mean we HAVE to watch her be with a tree! *I* want her working with actors that bring with them a certain level of talent and intensity that compliments the fire that SHE is capable of creating. and i am NOT getting it. and i WILL not get it cuz hey..Maya just HAS to make her onscreen work revolve around her offscreen life.

Maya and Sherry..I don't want to get into the conspiracy theories around them (and there are a lot). whatever it was between them offscreen..can anyone deny that IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA the two did not make a truly spectacular looking couple?? the entire course of PHL promotions..yeah whatever was their ending but bruh they SERVED. their body language was so in tune with each other. the intimacy was clear. even if Sherry "used" her there's no denying that he was proper into her for that time being. it was just a case of two stunning people having a short lived affair that they didn't try to hide from anyone. me as an audience who wants to be entertained was ENTERTAINED. and i am NO LONGER ENTERTAINED. so i have all the right to complain.

I want Maya to branch out and do a variety of work with a bunch of different people! idk why i am misunderstood to be someone who only wants Maya to work with 1-2 people. NO! I want her to have a proper project with someone like Bilal Abbas and Ahad Raza Mir and want to see her more with Wahaj after their brilliance that we got TOO LITTLE OF in JBG; she deserves to explore her chemistry more with Talha, I want her to manage the miracle and work with Fawad Khan! I want her with Hamza again! I want her with Ahmed Ali Akbar too! oh god imagine her with Farhan Saeed!! i want her to be directed by Mehreen again! I want her to make efforts to collaborate with Haissam AGAIN. i want her to make the connections and be in a Kashif Nisar drama. I want her doing bigger and more mainstream projects. I want her to do a Ramazan play! something that gets the numbers and ratings so she can remind the awaam that she used to be their darling once upon a time. I WANT HER TO DO ALL THAT! I WANT HER TO DO MORE THAN WHAT SHE DOES! AND SHE WON'T! SHE CAN'T! BECAUSE SHE'S STUCK WITH THIS *ONE* PERSON WITH WHOM HER ONSCREEN WORK IS *NOT* THE BEST!!! we all know after Yunhi she's gonna do the film with lo..who else but BA! and directed by who else but M.Ehteshammudin! AND THAT WILL AGAIN TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS. WHAT AM I EVEN GETTING FROM HER!??!?

I repeat..IT IS NOT ABOUT WHO SHE'S WITH IN REAL LIFE! I DON'T FUCK WITH REAL PERSON SHIPPING. I AM FOREMOST AN AUDIENCE CRAVING FOR ENTERTAINMENT. I AM A FAN WHO PRIORITIZES SEEING HER FAV DO DIVERSE KIND OF WORK! I AM A STAN WHO WANTS TO WITNESS HER FAV BE PRAISED FOR THE *WORK* SHE DOES BECAUSE I KNOW SHE'S CAPABLE OF THAT. AND INSTEAD I GET TO WATCH HER WASTE HER ALREADY LIMITED TIME USING HER PLATFORM AND HER CONNECTIONS AND FAME AND HER STATURE IN THE INDUSTRY THAT SHE HAS WORKED SO DAMN HARD FOR TO PROMOTE HER WHOEVER-HER-CURRENT-BEAU-IS WHATEVER SHE CHANCE SHE GETS. AND I CAN'T EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!? be fr!!!

god..it's really not about any shipping war. it's simply just how she SHRINKS herself to fit herself with just one person. i know i KNOW that's who she has always been. past ceases to matter to her in the present. she's a heartbreaker like that i know. but good god..just the very thought that it's someone as utterly boring and talentless as Topi that's her last stop breaks my heart and infuriates me in a million ways. and TRY as i may i cannot make my peace with.

bottom line : i WANT to be crazy about a Maya pairing again. that AIN'T EVER HAPPENING WITH TOPI. the only way of that happening her is to detach herself. which knowing her is impossible. AND WOW I AM MAD AGAIN.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well, it’s based on what I was doing last week, which was making my collection of Andy Zaltzman interviews. I find it very entertaining to listen to Andy Zaltzman go on shows that are not his own, because while the original Bugle-era Andy Zaltzman/John Oliver double act is the best comedy chemistry I’ve ever heard in the whole world, Andy Zaltzman hilariously has absolutely zero chemistry with anyone else in the world, including his own sister. After many years of post-Oliver Bugle he can get a decent rapport going with Nish Kumar and Alice Fraser, but it’s still basically based on awkwardness and even there, the fact that there’s a beat missing is part of the humour.

So when he’s away from his own show and being the interviewee with someone else, it’s really entertaining to listen to Andy Zaltzman struggle to interact with a human being, and to some other human being try to figure out what to do with Andy Zaltzman. No one can do it. He only knows how to talk to one person, got himself into a double act with that person, but then that person moved to America, and looking at with some hindsight, Andy Zaltzman probably tried too hard and for too many years to continue basing his entire comedy career on a partnership with someone whose career had grown in a different direction and on a different continent. But you can see why Andy Zaltzman dug his heels in so hard and kept making the double act with John Oliver the centrepiece of his career even years after this made sense, because he does not know how to talk to anyone else in the world.

Andy Zaltzman also has a really distinct comedic voice, literally and metaphorically, and he has a really specific style of jokes and speech patterns, and gets amazingly awkward if expected to speak even slightly outside his comfort zone.

I decided recently that I wanted to make one folder for all the files I have of Andy Zaltzman on other people’s shows (I initially called it Andy Zaltzman interviews, but then I wanted to include something like Kitson’s radio show and that’s not an interview, but I didn’t include something like Pappy’s podcast even though he was hilarious on there, the remit is any time Andy’s one-on-one with someone and he’s not the host), and then I relistened to a few of them. One of those was RHLSTP, which is when the thought in the above post came into my mind, so that’s the fairly tenuous connection there between this update and the post to which it’s linked. But I will expand slightly more than that, as requested. Because I thought I’d make a list.

Andy Zaltzman’s guest radio/podcast appearances, ranked from best to worst:

1. The Comedian’s Comedian Podcast, Stuart Goldsmith, 2014

One of the best episodes I’ve heard of the ComCom podcast, the most interesting I’ve ever heard Andy Zaltzman be outside of his own work (hence top billing), a really excellent interview. What I love about Stuart Goldsmith is that he’s always extremely prepared for his interviews, but he was really on top form in this one. Early in the interview he acknowledged that just about everyone who listens to his podcast is going to be a Bugle listener too, so they’ll all be very interested in this, and as such he made sure to get it right. And he did.

Before I ever heard this episode, I’d tried to write posts explaining why John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman work so perfectly together, and it’s so hard to explain, and I always descended fast into sports metaphor. The obvious one is tennis, the way they can knock a joke back and forth at each other and hit it back faster and harder every time.

But when I listen to their really good riffs together I think about my own sport of wrestling, and how amazing it is when you get two people who are teammates and training partners and who’ve worked together for so long that they know every bit of each other’s style and every detail of each other’s moves, and they end up doing things that just can’t happen at any other level of the sport. Even at the World Championship finals, you will not see as high-level a match as you would see between either of those wrestlers back in their own room with their own main training partner, because those two people in the major competition have not worked together for hundreds of hours. The first or second or third thing will work, or it’ll just get blocked but not countered. In the training room, the same two people come up against each other every day for hours, so they learn to react. One of them learns how to counter the other’s first line of attack, so the other develops a second line, then a second line of defense develops, so a third line of attack is developed in response, and they can end up at the tenth, eleventh, twelfth line, a level of the sport you don’t see anywhere else. It’s beautiful, this phenomenon where two people’s wrestling styles develop alongside each other like mutual evolution, all their strengths and quirks and weaknesses are what they are because of the other person, and if you love watching just for pure love of the sport and appreciation for how it looks at its best, that’s the thing to watch. It can’t be replicated without years of working together, no amount of talent can speed the process up.

That’s the best way I can explain how it sounds to me sometimes, when John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman get into a favourite topic on The Bugle. Even though they never script it, they can always see where the other person is going. They both have a perfect sense for when to jump in on each other’s riffs, and when to step back and let the other go. It’s an improvised script but with prepared material. They are so good at interacting that they could both prepare really dense, well-written material beforehand, and then fit their bits around each other’s live and on the fly, totally confident that it’ll work. And it nearly always does. The very few times when they accidentally wrote bits that contradict each other or just don’t really fit together – they’d laugh about that, and it would just draw attention to how impressive it is that moments like that are the exception not the rule. That is amazing. No one else can do that. I mean it literally when I say it’s the best comedic chemistry I’ve ever heard.

Anyway, I’ve tried to explain how the Zaltzman/Oliver chemistry works before, and my explanations come out about as confusing and convoluted as the above paragraphs (I condensed my explanation into a couple of paragraphs for this post so I could illustrate how bad I am at explaining it – in the past I’ve written multi-page posts that expand on this and those only make less sense as they get longer). Which is why I was so impressed the first time I heard this interview, and Stuart Goldsmith easily wrapped into a few sentences what I had been unable to explain without laboured sports metaphor. He says some stuff about how Andy writes really dense material on his own, but when he’s interacting with another person, it frees him up a bit to take that same brilliant complicated humour but be looser and freer with it, and it’s amazing if he gets it right. And then he asked some specific questions about why and how that works, how Andy makes the associations so quickly in the moment, and Andy had some fascinating answers that could only come from a perfectly structured question (Andy’s answers did also involve some sports metaphor, so it’s not just me).

They also got into some Chocolate Milk Gang history, talked about Honourable Men of Art, and of course I enjoy any interview with a CMG member that makes them tell us some stories about the CMG days. They weren’t even all that far removed from it, at the time.

They get into the two topics that come up in every Andy Zaltzman interview, which is the strange mish-mash of experiences in his early years in comedy, and what it’s like to political comedy, especially about important subjects. Andy Zaltzman is always interesting when speaking about those things, including in this one. But I like that Stuart Goldsmith was intentionally playing to an audience of people who’ve already heard Andy discuss those basics before, so he glossed over that and got to more in-depth questions.

Stuart Goldsmith caught Andy Zaltzman at an interesting time career-wise, just as Last Week Tonight was starting and John Oliver was getting too busy for The Bugle, but before they’d started to acknowledge that they’d have to end the double act, at that point they were still insisting that they’d need to take a few breaks but otherwise this HBO things won’t affect the podcast at all, don’t worry, audience. John was still turning up to do The Bugle every week, but his contributions were sounding less and less prepared, almost as though he had other shit to do with his time, and they were sort of denying the inevitable. But they were denying it really hard.

That comes up in the second half of the episode, and I think Stuart Goldsmith played it perfectly. It is a tall order to try to do the “comedian therapist” thing to Andy Zaltzman, a man who almost never gets personal in his work, who has such a rigid persona that he’s loathe to drop even in informal discussions, a man whose job on The Bugle was to make fun of John Oliver for being too emotional (and this was 2007-2014 John Oliver, back when John’s comedy was far more based around being stoic and logical – not so much anymore, but that’s television for you). To be honest, despite how talented Goldsmith is at solving this specific type of challenge, I’m a bit shocked that it worked. But it really did.

It took a little while, when the subject of “Your comedy partner is much, much more successful than you and has been for years, to the point where it’s arguably surprising that he’s still dedicating a few hours a week to doing a show with you and it looks like his ability to do that is waning even though that joint project is the centrepiece of your career – tell us about that” first got brought up, Andy responded the usual way, with vague jokes and deflection, which is fair enough, as he doesn’t have to tell us. But Stuart Goldsmith then starts – annoyingly I can’t think of a way to describe it without more sports metaphor, I’m picturing a boxer bobbing and weaving here, continuing to come back at the point from different angles, trying to find the most direct way to ask a question without being, you know, horribly insulting (boxers don’t have to worry about whether they’re insulting their opponent, the metaphor doesn’t work).

The main question that sticks out in my mind was when Stuart asked: “Given John’s incredible acceleration into huge fame in America and all the rest of it, if you didn’t have a family over here, would you have tried to engage with that more? Would you have moved to America with him and tried to blag yourself a job on The Daily Show or on a writer’s staff?” And I thought, that’s a pretty bold risk to take, asking something as presumptuous as that. But it worked. Stuart Goldsmith then did that thing he does so well, which is to shut up for quite a while, even remaining quiet when Andy paused, letting his guest talk himself all the way around the interesting subject. And Andy did. He admitted a number of things that I’ve never heard him say before or since, that he might actually have tried going if he hadn’t been about to have a child when John moved away, that he was sort of hoping he’d get asked to work on Last Week Tonight, that he was frustrated by how hard it was to carve his own place in comedy in Britain, that he disliked being stuck somewhere (Britain) where having John Oliver’s career path was so much harder than it was in America, that he wished he’d focused more on the commercial side of things than the creative side, that The Bugle saved his career, that he is not entirely as made-of-stone, jealousy-wise, as his “well I ate a good pastrami sandwich so we’ve all had interesting weeks” reaction to John’s stories of his wild American showbiz success would suggest. All of that came out in one screed, one response to one question where Stuart Goldsmith wisely stayed quiet the whole time and let him talk. Stuart Goldsmith dragged out about eight different sides of Andy Zaltzman that we normally never see.

Oh, and shortly afterward, Andy mentioned that he’d hoped to bring The Department to TV, and by 2014 still held out hope that that could happen someday, which actually kind of explains a lot. Explains the big difference in tone between the way Andy talks retrospectively about that radio show, versus the way John talks about it. Because John remembered it as a silly little thing he did before getting famous, while Andy thought it could be his way into TV. Which it should have been, by the way. That radio show was very good but also had so much potential for growth and I could see it translating to a TV sitcom. Though I’m guessing Andy may have given up that dream by 2024.

Then they keep things light a bit more, with interesting insights into the Bugle writing and recording process, how Andy approaches preparing material, all that stuff. All the stuff I want to know about. Stuart Goldsmith got Andy Zaltzman to tell me about all the stuff I want to know about.

And he managed to do it while having, sort of, a relatively normal conversation. I think he got Andy to sound more normal than usual because everyone sounds a bit off balance in their ComCom interview, with the way Stuart Goldsmith pokes at things and tries to play therapist. Andy Zaltzman sounded a normal level of uncomfortable for someone being subjected to therapy on a podcast, but he didn’t sound like he’s never spoken to another human in his life before. So well done to Stuart Goldsmith on getting Andy Zaltzman to talk like someone who’s interacted with people before.

(Most of my list posts start with shorter entries as I tell myself I’ll keep each one short, and then they get longer as I go along and can’t be bothered to put effort into being concise. This one will be the opposite because I cannot spend the rest of my life writing this post. Also because I have the most to say about the best one.)

2. Tea With Alice, Alice Fraser, 2017

Alice Fraser had only been on The Bugle for a few months when this recorded, but she did have about as good a rapport as anyone does with Andy pretty much from her first appearance, presumably helped by the fact that she’d been listening to The Bugle for years before she appeared on it. So she knew exactly what to expect from him, though it took him a little while to work out how to respond to her. It’s nice to listen to her early Bugle episodes, and you can hear Andy Zaltzman slowly figure out that he’s found another comedian who follow his weird tangents – not in the same way as John Oliver used to, but also on his wavelength. She got incorporated into a regular on the podcast and even his live shows so fast, once he figured this out.

So the level of awkwardness in their conversation on her podcast, some months after this, is, I would say, middling. Which is much, much less awkward than Andy Zaltzman normally is. That’s largely down to Alice Fraser, and the fact that she knows how to talk to him. It involves a lot of following him on the left-field riffs, even if they get away from the initial question. Sticking to topics he knows about and likes and is good at talking about, but getting pretty deep into those topics so the conversation didn’t feel limited. Andy’s always throwing in Classical Greek references, and normally people sort of vaguely chuckle and quickly move away from that – Alice went with him on it and got him to say more interesting stuff about how society got from that civilization to this one.

A lot of the conversation was political, about the nature of political comedy and political pop culture and why it’s all a mess. Andy Zaltzman sounds downright comfortable, discussing his views on the decline of journalism. And Alice Fraser sounds genuinely interested in what he has to say, not at all like an interview just going through the motions, so that makes it more engaging too. It was an interesting conversation and it didn’t sound like it was Andy Zaltzman’s first time having a conversation.

3. Triple R Graveyard, Daniel Kitson, 2007

This was recorded in Melbourne when they were at MCIF 2007, Kitson did a radio show from 2-6 AM and brought on a different comedian (sometimes two at a time, though not in this case) each night. I was very interested to hear this one, because by the time I got my hands on that recording, I’d heard several other recordings of Daniel Kitson and Andy Zaltzman trying to perform together, and it’s so fucking awkward. Which is weird because they were both Chocolate Milk Gang, they were allegedly good friends. But put them on a stage together and they had a very strong energy of “Your best friend is my best friend but God, we have nothing in common.” In general, Kitson has chemistry with everyone, but Zaltzman has chemistry with no one, and the unstoppable force with the immovable object makes a fascinatingly awkward combination.

The recording of this radio show, however, makes me convinced that actually these two are all right together, and clearly the problem is that Alun Cochrane, black sheep of the Chocolate Milk Gang, ruins everything. Because the other things I’d heard them do contained more people, usually Alun Cochrane among others, and I think what happens is that even with all his compering skills, Kitson isn’t able to stretch himself to Andy’s level while also staying on a level where he can work with other people.

But when it was just the two of them, it was really entertaining. Fucking awkward, but so entertaining. They still sound like two people who have nothing in common and have to make quite an effort to figure out what the other is talking about. Daniel Kitson is the most personal comedian I’ve ever heard; Andy Zaltzman is the least personal comedian I’ve ever heard – he’s usually political, but even when he’s not, he’s zany or surreal and always esoteric. In this radio episode, they found common ground in playing things from the BBC sound effect library.

It was rather sweet how much Kitson changed his usual style to accommodate Andy’s, not always joining the nonsensical riffs but letting Andy do it and sounding genuinely amused by it. He kept setting Andy up for Zaltzman-like jokes, showing he understands Andy’s style even if he doesn’t share it. Sometimes he wouldn’t have much to say in reply, but he’d giggle and humour him with follow-up questions within the conceit that Andy had dreamed up. And he didn’t once make fun of Andy’s highly odd music choices, despite having ripped David O’Doherty apart the week before for choices that were much less far outside of Kitson’s usual catalogue.

The extent of Andy trying to reciprocate this, by changing his style to be more Kitson-like, was one time he tried to talk some shit about Kitson’s ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend, which was a very 2007-era Kitson thing to do. However, Andy said it in Latin, which is a very Zaltzman thing to do. Worlds collide. It’s a lot of fun to listen to.

4. One Way Single Parent Family Favourites, Stewart Lee, 2003

As far as I can tell, Stewart Lee and Andy Zaltzman meet up approximately once every ten years to record an awkward chat. In 2021, when Stewart Lee appeared on The Bugle. In 2013, when Andy Zaltzman appeared on Alternative Comedy Experience. And in 2003, when Andy Zaltzman appeared on Stewart Lee’s Resonance FM radio show, which for some reason was called One Way Single Parent Family Favourites.

All three times, their talks have been a similar level of fucking awkward, and have covered similar ground. They always discuss the first big thing they did together, which is the fact that Andy was there for the tour that caused Stewart to leave Avalon and quit stand-up for a few years. Andy was supposed to be tour support, but according to Stewart, the tour was organized by Avalon, and they’d fucked up by not letting any of the venues know he was bringing an opener, so no one was expecting Andy. Apparently a few of the venues let Andy in at the last minute, but most said no. So after a while, Andy started just staying in the hotel and watching cricket when Stewart went to the venues, joining him only if they had a rare confirmation that Andy could get on the bill. So basically, what happened is that in the year 2000, Andy Zaltzman followed Stewart Lee around the country for a couple of months, for almost no reason. And after the Herculean effort of hanging out with Andy Zaltzman for a couple of months, Stewart Lee promptly left his agency and quit his chosen profession.

Andy’s reports on what it was like mainly involve making fun of Stewart for having been on a cabbage-based weight loss diet throughout the tour, while Stewart’s reports involve being amazed that anyone could watch as much sport as Andy did. In later years, Stewart Lee has given similar reports from when he and Andy shared a flat during the Edinburgh Festival in 2005, being amazed by how much sport one man could watch. But this radio interview is from before that happened.

This radio interview is actually the first recording I have of Andy Zaltzman doing anything – it predates his short Radio 4 set from the 2003 Edinburgh Fringe by one month. So it’s interesting, if nothing else, as an historical artifact. There were some interesting stories about CMG history, as told during the CMG days, which is a rare thing to get. The Political Animal gig was just starting up, and Andy explained what it was meant to be (a night for comedians who find their political material doesn’t work in other places because the audience doesn’t expect it), and why he started it. I enjoyed learning that.

Awkwardness-wise, Andy sounded a bit like he was trying to have his first ever conversation here, which slightly forced Stewart Lee into the role of the more personable one, so that’s funny. They’re both fairly awkward, though. Stewart Lee keeps trying to talk shit about the comedy industry and Andy keeps trying to awkwardly, and not very successfully, sidestep it. Every time Stewart Lee asks him a question, Andy sounds a bit like he’s never heard of questions before and is trying to come to terms with the entire concept at the same time as thinking of an answer.

5. Catharsis, Tiff Stevenson, 2023

Tiff Stevenson got a few things out of Andy here that people don’t usually get, on a podcast about grudges, Andy touched a bit on having a grudge toward Mock the Week and the panel show industry in general for how he never got in with them. And from there we get into further discussion of what Andy has referred to as “that day in June 2006 when John told me he wanted to take the Daily Show job in America instead of going with me to Edinburgh to talk to 25 people a day in a darkened room”, Andy finding out he’d have to turn their joint 2006 Edinburgh show into a solo show when they’d just had their radio show canceled and his wife had just got pregnant. The subject of the Catharsis podcast is grudges, so early on, we get some discussion of historical sources of bitterness for Andy.

He does bring up The Department again, no longer seems to think it might be on TV someday, but expresses that he’s still annoyed that it never had a bigger life than the three seasons before the BBC canceled it. And I still think he’s right about that (even though it would have ended whether the BBC canceled it or not, because it was made with John Oliver and Chris Addison, and John moved to America right after it got canceled and Chris Addison had his own shit going on).

From there, though, Tiff Stevenson tries a bit for the “therapy podcast” angle, but in a more generalized way than the precision strikes from Stuart Goldsmith, and that falls apart a little. She starts talking about how these career things usually go, and Andy doesn’t really seem to go with her on that. She then starts giving Andy Zaltzman credit for being a pioneer of political comedy podcasts, which is entirely true but he does react like a cat that will jump into a corner at any sign of a compliment. She tries this a couple more times but he deflects expertly.

Andy then gets into more everyday life stuff, complaining about standards of journalism, but he doesn’t get nearly as deep into it as he has on some other podcasts. He actually sounds relatively relaxed throughout the interview, not all that awkward, but he never gets too deep into any topic, and he and Tiff Stevenson seem to often be trying to say different things. Those two don’t click all that well on The Bugle either, so it didn’t surprise me (though Tiff Stevenson can definitely click with some people, her episode of Alice Fraser’s podcast is fascinating).

There was one bit in the podcast where they were discussing the John Oliver era of The Bugle vs. the post-Oliver era, and Andy said some interesting stuff about how much trepidation he had when he first tried to do the podcast without John but how things like getting multiple/regular guests and doing live shows helped the new era find its feet, and it turned out that the new format allowed for good things they couldn’t do before, Tiff agreed but then seemed to be trying to push Andy into saying the podcast is even better in the new era than it was with John, Andy kept saying both eras had their merits, but refused to actually say one was better. That bit stuck in his mind just because it annoyed me that Tiff seemed to be trying to get him to say that, though I may have been misreading it.

6. Get This, Tony Martin and Ed Kavalee, 2007

Andy Zaltzman was in Australia for MCIF 2007, and when he wasn’t staying up all night in the Triple R radio station with Daniel Kitson, he was doing an awkward interview on commercial radio to promote his show. And it sure was awkward. Those people did not know what to make of Andy Zaltzman, and Andy Zaltzman even made some feeble attempts to fit in, and sometimes this was pretty funny, but only because of how much he sounded like he did not know how to do it. There is so much trailing off as Andy Zaltzman loses confidence in his own sentences. But overall, it’s all right.

7. RHLSTP, Richard Herring, 2014

This interview was from the same year as the ComCom interview, it’s a somewhat similar format, and it was so much less good. This is me expanding on the original post, which is all I was supposed to be doing here, sorry that I’ve currently filled six pages of a Word document before actually starting on that. I wrote that post because I was re-listening to some of that interview the other night, and Richard Herring was trying some of the same stuff as Stuart Goldsmith, but it was going so badly, because he’s not as good at it.

I know ComCom and RHLSTP aren’t meant to be exactly the same thing. ComCom is more for in-depth interviews/comedian therapy and can be incidentally funny but that’s not the point, RHLSTP is also meant to extract interesting information but it’s got more of a focus on the interview itself being a source of comedy. So I suppose Richard Herring could argue that it’s okay that he doesn’t have the precision striking skills of Stuart Goldsmith, because he’s not trying to do the same thing. But I’d say in this case, he failed at both. It wasn’t particularly funny or interesting.

The exact moment that made me say Richard Herring should brush up on his Goldsmith skills was when he tried the “So how are you doing with your comedy partner being much more successful than you?” angle too, and Andy just wasn’t having it. Richard tried asking this in a few ways, both heavy-handed about how hard he was trying to stir something up, and Andy parried with a couple of awkward jokes. After a couple of tries, Richard said “He doesn’t like talking about John Oliver” and gave up. Which was the right call, but it surprised me a bit, as “Let’s talk about what it’s like when your former comedy partner is much more successful than you” is normally a favourite subject of Richard Herring’s.

Besides that, they covered a lot of ground that Andy covers all the time, talking about sport and historic bad gigs, but they talked about all of it at a very surface level. None of it was all that interesting, and they quickly ran out of steam and Richard had to do the emergency questions thing. And I get that them being bad questions is the joke with this, but it’s a funnier joke in theory than in practice. It’s funny to imagine an interviewer having a bank of bad questions for when an interview doesn’t flow. It’s not that funny to actually listen to people answer bad questions.

I realize you could blame Andy Zaltzman for the lack of flow in the interview, but I’d argue that if you’re going to interview Andy “No Chemistry” Zaltzman, you should be prepared to deal with that. And Richard just wasn’t, so it ended up being not particularly funny either. But it had its moments. I enjoyed the talk about sports vs. reality, even though I’ve heard Andy say that in more interesting ways at other times.

This should have been a comedian interview, shouldn't it? Even if Richard couldn't get the more difficult gossip out of Andy Zaltzman, he could have at least tried for all the other stuff Stuart Goldsmith got, in-depth stuff about the writing process of the most creative comedian I've heard. The kind of stuff he's best placed to talk about when being interviewed by another comedian, and that is so much more interesting than what they covered. But Richard Herring didn't really seem interested.

8. WTF, Marc Maron, 2021

I’ve listened to four episodes of WTF – Stewart Lee, John Oliver, Andy Zaltzman, James Acaster – even though I absolutely cannot stand Marc Maron. I think he’s a dick as a person and shit at interviewing, and I don’t understand why on Earth he’s so popular. This interview with Andy Zaltzman is the best out of the four episodes I’ve heard him do, and it’s still shit. It was just shit with a few redeeming bits.

Marc Maron obviously knew nothing whatsoever about Andy Zaltzman. And I realize that this is because he’s Marc Maron, he’s interviewed Obama, he doesn’t have time to learn about Andy Zaltzman. And I know that supposed to be sort of the point of Marc Maron, right? He doesn’t know all about his interviewees, he just goes in and gets them to open up anyway. And maybe that normally works, I’ve only heard four episodes. But it sure didn’t work here. I don’t understand how Marc Maron fans find a way to justify failing at interview prep as a virtue. I don’t want to listen to Andy Zaltzman tell the same basics of his life that I’ve heard a hundred times. But I heard him do that anyway, because Marc Maron didn’t already know.

This did end up being pretty unintentionally funny at times, because Maron kept being so far off the (pun truly not intended) mark. He immediately tried really hard to start shit about John Oliver, because of course he did, public feuds with Daily Show employees are Marc Maron’s thing. Andy briefly admitted that The Daily Show taking John Oliver had made things hard for him in 2006, and you can hear Marc smell blood in the water and start cackling in the background as Andy says this, realizing he’s found someone who will do his favourite thing, talk shit about The Daily Show with him. So he started asking Andy to say that was terrible and he’s jealous, and Andy immediately backed off and said no, he was happy for John, you’re not getting that drama out of me, go away you weird shark (that last part I might have paraphrased a bit).

Because Andy was Jewish, Marc kept trying to bond with him over that, like “ha ha you know what Jewish families/communities are like.” Andy had to awkwardly explain several times that he’s ethnically Jewish but was raised as a lapsed Jew, isn’t religious, his parents also aren’t religious, he doesn’t hang out in the Jewish community, none of this applies to him.

There was such a strong contrast in personalities, in such a stereotypical sitcom-y way, the oversharing American and the reserved Brit. Getting a straight answer out of Andy was like pulling teeth for Marc, and Andy responded to each overly dramatic question like it was water torture. There’s one bit where Marc is trying to get Andy to give him some basic autobiographical details about what he did after university, and Andy keeps describing Greek plays instead of answering the question, and Marc doesn’t follow him onto the topic like Alice would, doesn’t let him go and giggle about it like Kitson would, doesn’t even try a weak riff about it before moving on like Richard did. He’s just too self-centred to change anything about his questioning based on his interviewee’s style, so he sort of just ignored the quirks, and it’s so awkward, but the awkwardness is pretty funny.

In the second half Marc gives up on an actual interview and they just chat about lockdown, which is actually surprisingly interesting, or maybe it was just a relief to hear some of the tension break. Andy even volunteered a few of those biographical details, once he was no longer being water tortured. It was a borderline normal conversation by the end. But it was still a shit interview.

Also, Marc Maron pronounces Edinburgh wrong, and that drives me nuts.

And that is my answer to the question of... [checks notes]... Please expand on your claim that Richard Herring should be more like Stuart Goldsmith. You're welcome.

Theory that occurs to me as I listen to some RHLSTP: Richard Herring's problem is he spends too much time wishing he were Stewart Lee and not enough time wishing he were Stuart Goldsmith.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

In the past year it’s become abundantly clear just how much of a Pacey/Joey shipper Joshua Jackson was and is. It’s really changed how I view Pacey and Joey. 

That TV relationship is so unique in how the sexual tension and the chemistry barely if at all diminishes once the couple gets together. There are so many incredible TV relationships and a lot of them the chemistry does diminish once they get together. That’s not even necessarily a bad thing. Especially with slow burns, I don’t feel gipped because we had the buildup for so long and it’s nice to see the relationships in all different eras and contexts. With that being said, I find it so incredible and fun to watch Pacey and Joey’s relationship unfold.

Since learning more about Josh and Katie I would attribute that to two factors....

1. Josh and Katie dated in real life for some time, they then broke up but remained best friends throughout the entire run of the show. You can really see how comfortable they are with each other. Also based off of comments made by Josh and Katie, they were clearly still attracted to each other on some level and that came through in their absolute crackling, fire chemistry! Josh has said how his favorite scenes to film were with Katie. They had so much fun together even taking the sexual component out, they were such great friends who loved to work together and that came through.

2. Something that has come into clear focus in more recent months is that part of the reason that the chemistry never diminished is that I believe that Josh and Katie... but especially Josh... was fighting tooth and nail for a Pacey and Joey endgame. The writers tried so hard to keep those characters apart because they knew that it was electric whenever they were together and whenever they put them together, Josh and Katie would force Pacey and Joey into the spotlight. I believe with all my heart that this was a distinct decision made by Josh to not allow Pacey/Joey to be forgotten. We know that when Kevin originally wrote a Dawson Joey endgame that Josh went to Kevin and fought for Pacey/Joey. In every interview he’d say how he wanted Pacey/Joey to be together. You can see that dedication even in S5 when the writers were trying their damndest to make everyone forget about this iconic couple.

All this to say... Thank you to Joshua Jackson who is the captain of the Jacey ship and I don’t know where we would be if not for him... we probably would have to live in a dark world where Dawson and Joey were endgame!

[starglitterz]

to all the boys i've loved before.

─── AYATO ! // the pretty boy with a hidden playful side.

─ a short series based on my own personal experiences with love and crushes. a sort of messy goodbye to all the boys i’ve loved before.

warning(s) ; ayato is mentioned to be taller than reader once, 绫人 is ayato's cn name apparently read língrén according to the wiki

series masterlist.

to everyone you know, kamisato ayato is the perfect package; smart, respectful, and he's got the looks to boot. with his long blue hair and trademark smile that makes every junior fall for him in a matter of seconds. you're not even going to lie, you had fallen for this facade too, believing it to be reality. but somehow you started getting closer to him through one of your mutual friends, and that painted him in an entirely different light, yet somehow this side of him seemed much more real.

for one thing, ayato isn't actually as quiet and well-behaved as everyone makes him out to be. sure, in school he's practically silent outside of his own friend group and when answering questions, but through text and when there's no one else in sight, he honestly could win an award for his silly behaviour. one of the things you'll never forget is when it was just the two of you in class after school packing up your bags when he started singing that song from frozen 2 for literally no reason. yeah, the one that goes OOooOOOoo… into the unknOWNNNNN!!!!!!!! actually, you're not even sure if it could be called singing when he was practically just yelling it. you shot him a surprised glance, trying to hide the smile twitching at the corner of your lips, but as soon as you met his eyes, you both burst into laughter.

however, he is (un)fortunately as clever as everyone believes, which spells nothing but trouble for you. not in a serious way, it just means you had more competition to get the best grades. ayato tops the class in additional maths, but he doesn't rub it in anyone's face or brag about it, in fact he even helps you out whenever you're struggling with the homework, although he does scold you for not paying attention. he even sends you the chemistry notes you missed so you don't get in trouble for not copying them, so you could never be upset with him for doing better than you. both of you are equally matched in accounting though, which leads to a friendly rivalry where both of you always try to outdo the other ever since the teacher himself announced that both of you were the only ones who could compete with each other's level for the subject. the two of you manag to get the exact same mark in the finals, scoring full marks on the mcq paper and the same mark for the structured paper, and so a truce is called. you still study together though, and exchange tips right before the papers which may or may not have saved your grades… you'll never tell.

-

ayato does things that you would find annoying if it wasn't by him. for example, he's taller than you, so he constantly steals your stuff and holds it above his head because he knows you can't reach it. he teases you about being a shortie and tells you to drink more milk when you jump for it and still fail to get it back, but he returns it when you ask nicely, though you swat his arm after and threaten to beat him up next time. also he purposely steps on your school shoes, but he makes sure to do it gently so you don't get hurt, but it usually ends up in a stupid race to step on each other's shoes, which actually seems like it'll give teyvat school a bad rep since both of you are prefects. (did you mention that he actually looks very hot in a white shirt and tie? because he does.)

there's even one time where you're on the phone with potential colleges (he's applying to the same ones as you, albeit for different courses), and he's being so irritating in the background, but it's so funny that you nearly burst into laughter while on the phone. it goes something like the person on the other end greeting you, "hello, this is liyue university, how may i help you?" and in the background he just goes, "wow, y/n, can't believe you got accepted to inazuma college!" it seriously makes you want to slap him but you end up snickering onto the phone before you remember you're still on the line and have to quickly try to cover it up, which only makes him laugh too.

ayato the genius all-rounder is also an incredibly good pianist, who's been learning since he was young. he performs at the annual school events, and submits a video for your online talent show during the pandemic. you're not going to lie, besides the fact that it's astonishing how quickly he can play and make it sound good, you do have an ulterior motive for rewatching the video at least twice… it's not your fault ayato has really nice hands! you swear your gaze turns into heart-eyes whenever you look (respectfully) at them. there's one day when the two of you are alone in the student lounge, and he starts playing this really beautiful song, and when he's done you just grin and applaud it, a million genuine compliments spilling from your lips. you'll always remember how his face turned a rosy hue at the praise, and he looked away, unable to meet your eyes as he thanked you embarrassedly.

-

kamisato ayato has been voted the #1 guy to date by every single girl in your grade based on his personality alone. honestly, the standards are so low but he's so sweet to everyone and never gets involved in drama, which makes everyone fall head over heels for him. sadly, you aren't exempt from this plague either, but you do feel a secret sense of satisfaction when one of the girls remark that they wish he was 'more flirty'. because the truth is; ayato is a flirt!

when the two of you start getting closer, the comments he make start to be more and more teasing, as if he's getting a kick out of your ?!?!?! reaction every time. for example, when you make fun of him for being single, asking, "ayato, when are you getting an s/o?" he doesn't miss a beat as he replies, "depends when you're free." safe to say you nearly melt into the floor at that exact moment.

also, he has another name which nobody calls him by, and so do you! but one day he suddenly asks you about it, and you respond that nobody's ever asked to call you that so you just don't mention it. you like your first name anyway. but ayato proudly declares, "then i'll be the first! if you're okay with it, of course." it's oddly endearing, in a way, so you give him permission, and he says you can call him 绫人. both of you change each other's contact names to your 'secret' other names, although ayato steals your phone and puts the word 'best' in front of his name so it ends up becoming something like 'Bestayato 绫人'.

a common trait between you and ayato is that both of you are always awake at weird hours, although for wildly different reasons. he's an insomniac, so he can't sleep, while you stay up late doing who knows what, so you just won't sleep. but one thing's for sure, you can always count on him to reply even if you shoot him a text at 3am. you'll end up scolding him for still being awake, and then he'll scold you for being awake, and then both of you will promise to sleep earlier the next day only for the same thing to repeat. one time he makes fun of you by sending you a picture of the ice-cream in his freezer as he goes to get a snack when you were about to sleep, and he promises he'll buy you some next time as an apology for making you crave dessert at 4 am. your late night conversations are the best though, with the glow of your phone illuminating your face and a stupid smile curving your lips every time you read his replies; having a crush is so much fun.

a/n ; lol academic rivals to lovers my beloathed /hj

© starglitterz 2022. do not repost or modify in any way.

[incandescent-sideblog]

{more redacted asmr HCs for your consideration- high school shaw pack + listeners edition}

I literally started this in ap bio earlier and I’m supposed to be doing a lab report for class right now but I’m too excited about David’s video so have these. I’m realizing that a lot of these are oddly specific??? not even specific in a way where I’m projecting (except for baabe, oops), just super weirdly specific in general. 

in high school, david, asher, milo and amanda (I HC these four as the same age and therefore in the same grade in school) were that group of friends that everyone knows but knows nothing about

not in a super mysterious twilight/cullen family way, just in an “oh they all seem super close and like a fun group” kind of way, yk?

like, they had their own friends kind of separate from their little group but everyone knew that they were THAT group

sometimes they tried to get darlin’ to join them but it was hard cause they had a different lunch period than the group and they were in a different grade than them

and whenever they did manage to convince darlin’ to go out with them, it was painfully awkward because most of the conversations revolved around inside jokes or old memories and no one really realized how out of place they felt (except maybe asher, but he didn’t really know how to help it back then, not like he would now at least, and david. but he didn’t know how to touch the subject with them so he didn’t.)

moving on, I think that milo was really good at english and any of the sciences in high school and was part of some sort of literature/writing club. he’s really good at poetry

asher was seriously good in philosophy, art and gym (idk why I get those vibes from him). he was definitely an all around good student, he just had his favourites. I feel like he played a sport of some type but I’m not sure which one just yet. maybe volleyball? or track, I feel like he’s fast.

david never missed one of his games/meets, milo and amanda tried to go to as many as they could

david was good at math, calculus, and physics. he helped asher, milo and amanda with the concepts they didn’t really understand (and probably did it better than the teacher). 

wasn’t on a sports team but he DID get asked to join the robotics club because of his math and physics marks. he declined and opted for gardening club instead (this one is absolutely based on that one audio where he planted flowers and trees in the backyard)

darlin’ was really good with languages in high school and they really excelled in french

 they weren’t really into clubs but sometimes after school they would stop by the library on the second floor and help the librarian with sorting out books

now onto the mates :)

because I apparently love projecting onto them specifically, baabe thrived on academic validation their entire academic career, but by their final year of high school, they were so tired and burnt out that their grades started slipping and their whole perception of themselves changed. they totally had/still struggle with imposter syndrome in a few different areas of their life

on a lighter note, they loved languages (french, spanish, german, any other languages schools in the states offer that I didn’t name bc mine only offers french and italian- you choose! I just think they could pick up on whichever one they chose super easily. however as a canadian, I’m biased towards them being best at french)

they were in ap english and biology

played clarinet in band class and was really good at it (concert band, not marching)

definitely tried their hand at a lot of clubs but really only stuck with extracurriculars outside of school

angel!! they played a couple sports, mostly track and cross country- I feel like they can run really fast (them and asher totally have races now and it scares david and baabe when they randomly start sprinting)

they were really good in chemistry, they got recommended for the ap level class. they were also good in their law/justice class

didn’t really have a solid friend group in high school, they kind of just had a few good friends in different groups of their own. their best friend moved away the summer before high school, so their friday nights were spent video chatting and calling (but I imagine their friend moved back/nearby for university so they never lost touch or anything :))

sweetheart loved music class in high school. absolutely loved it. they played flute but they picked up some tips from their band teacher by listening to her instruct other sections, so now they can adequately play trumpet and saxophone as well (they are an extremely fast learner)

didn’t do sports, but they did gym all four years of high school (I had to look up whether or not gym was mandatory all four years in the U.S. and apparently in California it’s mandatory for two years??)

they had a small circle of friends who they’re still friends with now and have been friends with since kindergarten

went through the empowered school system all throughout their school years, so they definitely took the empowered equivalent of a law/justice class to prepare for department training

baabe and angel actually went to the same high school but since there were so many people in their grade and they had different classes, their paths never crossed. they only figure out they went to the same high school when they’re hanging out with david, asher, milo and sweetheart

angel is telling a story about some geography teacher and baabe gasps and asks for his name. they freak out over the fact they both had him in grade 9 even though angel was in his period 2 class and baabe was in his period 1

this got wayyy longer than expected but I hope you enjoyed!!

[e-mangos]

The Flash Fix-It: Season 9

In light of all the major changes happening to the Flash and the CW, here’s my suggestion box wishlist fix-it for the upcoming final season.

A shorter season -- no more than 10 episodes. Give Barry moral dilemmas to solve. We get it. He’s “leveled up” (It’s a travesty how Ciara didn’t make a dime off of the number of times they said this horrible phrase) so give him less physical challenges and more emotional/mental challenges. Gustin is a brilliant actor and drama is where he truly shines; in those moments when he’s getting ping-ponged between his head and his heart. Give him a villain that breaks his spirit. Give him a villain that challenges his values. Zoom, Season 1 Reverse Flash and Bloodwork were great villains because they tried (and nearly succeeded) at breaking Barry’s heart. Hell, Zoom literally broke his back. Bloodwork threw Nora/fatherhood in his face. Reverse Flash killed killed his mom, turned him into the Flash, trained him and then betrayed him. The Flash works best when the villains’ motivations are rooted in values that challenge/undermine Barry’s.

Gut the team. When it was just Barry, Cisco, Caitlin and Wells that made sense. Every other combination since them has been trash (Chester and Sue are awesome though). No more Allegra. No more Cecile. No more scout meetings in the cortex; no more hallway talks after the scout meetings in the cortex. No more randoms going “into the field” with Barry. He’s the Flash. He’s “leveled up”. He got this yo. At this point in Barry’s development, the “team” really should just be Barry, Chester on comms and a medic. Hell, at this point, I’d love to watch an entire season of Barry lone wolfing it. No Star Labs. No equipment. Just the suit and a need for speed.

About that medic...it shouldn’t be Caitlin. I said what I said. Frost was a more interesting character than Caitlin ever was. Honestly, I’d be willing to bet money that Panabaker probably enjoyed playing Frost more. I wish Frost was the one with the medical background so we could ditch Caitlin and keep Frost as the medic. Now that Frost is gone, it’s time for Caitlin to go too. The few times that Barry needs a medic, I’m sure Argus can spare one.

Cecile has got to go. Her and her “oh, my god I’m sensing that you feel embarrassed at the fact that I keep invading your privacy with my powers. Tell me (and everyone in this room) more”. Doesn’t she have a child to rear? A career to foster? Please, go do that especially since it doesn’t seem likely Joe will put a ring on it. Now that Jesse L. Martin’s role has been reduced to recurring, write Cecile off. Please.

I hope the Iris time sickness foolish resolves with Iris getting stuck in a future century permanently. WestAllen fans hear me out. I too love WestAllen. I think Gustin and Patton had amazing chemistry. Read: had. (The way this man used to kiss her I swear --!) Any who, whatever chemistry they had is gone. The show has gone out of its way to deliberately nuke it by constantly separating them for reasons I will not even begin to speculate on. They really turned them from “touch is our love language” to “roommates who occasionally see each other when schedules line up”. The spark they had in earlier seasons is gone. It’s a damn shame too because they’ve utterly wasted Patton. She’s a good actress and she was given nothing to work with for years. In the pilot, she mentions working on a dissertation. Where did it go??? Where? Then they absolutely bungled her C3 plot by shoehorning Allegra and her cub reporter side plots. It’s infuriating. At this point, just make it that Iris is stuck in a future century and Barry has to use the speedforce to visit her. This way, she’s not dead, but she’s not present, which if we’re being honest isn’t all that different to what they’ve been doing with her for the past 8 seasons. And they can still have their future kids, etc. (Be free Candice Patton, be free and prosper!)

[peach-astrology]

Neptune in the houses.

Neptune in the first house:

1)Charisma even with the wrong facial features,which blooms especially brightly in the photo.This is the position of the planet had Marilyn Monroe.

2)Falling in love with an unattainable object – a movie actor,a singer,an inaccessible beauty,for example,the one in the mirror:)

3)They have a certain taste that they design on clothing and the interior of the house.I often meet such people with blue or green eyes.

4)They are very friendly and compassionate.They can be the people to talk to and cry to.

5)With bad aspects,a person may have mental illness.

Neptune in the second house:

1)They are prone to reckless spending,they can spend their entire salary on a certain thing that they literally "fell in love"with.

2)With a strong position of the planet and the absence of negative aspects,the native can really achieve success and earn good money in art,chemistry and medicine.

3)Big money can come to them in an unusual or unexpected way.And also mysteriously disappear...

4)When Neptune is affected,people can feel a lot of guilt,even where they were not at fault.

5)I really recommend keeping a money-book.This way your money will be under your guidance.There is no other way to work out this position of the planet.

Neptune in the third house:

1)It is most convenient for such people to learn through pictures and examples from life.They may not count well in their minds,for example.(But you still need to look at Mercury)

2)They can be good writers,bloggers,or singers.

3)Because of problems in the parent family,such a person often lives with one of the relatives.

4)When the planet is hit,a person can be absent-minded,do poorly in school,be very shy and have bad relationships with siblings.

5)With a strong Neptune,a person can be a good teacher(he feels other people when talking)

Neptune in the fourth house:

1)A person has problems with one of the parents who may have liked alcohol or illegal substances.Or he died early.Often,such people may still have a parent who is ill with something,who needed a lot of care.

2)Their parents may have been of different nationalities.Their house often had guests.

3)With bad aspects,a person could run away from home or leave it at an early age.

4)They relax through privacy.During this time,you can draw,meditate,or watch a movie.

5)This position of Neptune is good for social workers who are able to realize their talents for the common good,preferably within a large organization that will give them a lot of clients,colleagues and suitable motivation for their work.

Neptune in the fifth house:

1)Low self-esteem or,conversely,skillful psychological manipulation of others.

2)If the position of the planet is not worked out,a person can turn his head from the beloved.He can idealize his image,add too much romance.

3)By nature,human is a very gentle,kind and merciful person.He has charisma and sex appeal.

4)They could be very troubled children.

5)Pregnant women with this situation should be VERY careful to monitor their health.

Neptune in the sixth house:

1)They may have unusual allergies or just a large number.

2)Their health can directly depend on the cleanliness of the house and their food.

3)They should not rely on others.Not everyone works honestly and correctly.Also PLEASE respect yourself and don't help everyone.

4)The best solution for a native is to work from home or to reach the level of a manager yourself,when you don't have to spend time on routine duties.And in order to build a successful business relationship,it is important to give up the use of alcohol and psychotropic drugs,because such a person gets used to them instantly.

5)With a weak Mars in the natal chart,there is idleness and a desire to frequently change the place of residence.

Neptune in the seventh house:

1)With a harmonious Neptune in the 7th house,the native radiates the energy of love and subconsciously waits for acceptance and sympathy when getting married,moving to a new job and entering a University.

2)When the planet is affected,idealistic expectations turn into broken dreams:it is difficult to join the team,do not accept it as it is,you have to sacrifice your interests.

3)Their partner may suffer from some kind of mental disorder and the person will help to cure it.

4)Such people need to learn to read their feelings and be able to make final decisions.

5)When choosing a job,a person should carefully study the personality of the manager,so as not to experience emotional abuse.

Neptune in the eighth house:

1)You have a very active imagination and a powerful imagination.You may have an interest in the supernatural,psychic phenomena,or the occult.You may have strange fantasies,vague fears of ghosts and death,so it is best not to engage in such things until you are firmly on your feet in the material world.

2)Prone to seeing strange dreams and nightmares.Often suffers from insomnia,may end up in a dream or under anesthesia.

3)Must keep track of the family's finances,their partner may have spent too much money.

4)Their relatives have occult abilities(maybe a human too).

5)Neptune is the most passive planet and sexually it leads to deep and Platonic love.Sex and bodily pleasures are not in the first place for him,the main thing is emotions and tenderness.

Neptune in the ninth house:

1)The karmic task is not to allow yourself to become a "stranger among your own",forgetting about the roots and national traditions,maintaining a balance between the desire for reform and respect for history.

2)He is actively interested in educational programs and social reforms.He likes to study and shows the ability to learn foreign languages,and strives to help people deprived of their freedom.

3)The defeat of the planet creates a danger of ignoring professional training and determines difficulties in communicating with relatives of a partner.

4)Very often such people are very demanding in love.

5)The advice is to deal with your thoughts and ideas.You can't combine incompatible things.Spend more time meditating and being alone to make important decisions.

Neptune in the tenth house:

1)Their work must be creative for career growth.

2)The weak position of the planet provokes intrigues and intrigues of colleagues and strained relations with the boss,and in a strong position,the sharpened intuition of the native will help to get away with it.

3)If their work is normal,they can modify it.For example,such a teacher can teach in an unusual way,and simply differ from others.

4)In a good position a person can give good advice.

5)Your father was a unique person, different from other people, or unpredictable in dealing with you. Perhaps his views were unstable or he was too headstrong, but in any case, he created his own unique life. You may have been separated from it, either literally or figuratively. By interacting with it, you have learned the need to stand firmly on your own two feet, not depend on anyone, and this imprint has formed one of the basic attitudes to life that you will follow as an adult.

Neptune in the eleventh house: 

1)In love,an incorrigible romantic.

2)When Neptune is stricken,it has unreliable friends.They should choose their environment carefully even at work.

3)Even the owner of Neptune in the 11th house often has low self-esteem,is shy to show their talents,hides in the shadow of others.Having a fine mental organization,it is vital for him to learn to punch his way with his elbows,so as not to be trampled by the crowd.

4)You can read people's feelings,but you can't distinguish between friend and foe.Paradox.

5)You are the friendliest of all houses!

Neptune in the twelfth house:

1)Such people often hide their feelings and attachments.

2)Like the sixth house you need to value yourself and your time and not help everyone.

3)There are a lot of talents not only in creativity,but also in other areas of life.

4)They literally feel the money,intuition saves them from bad deals.

5)They like not to respond to messages for a long time,not because of resentment,but simply because they are resting or sleeping ahaha.

[moon-light-jukebox]

Learning Styles - [Reid x Reader]

Summary: Reader has worked hard to get to the FBI, but a misunderstanding has her feeling insecure. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG

Content Warning: Mention of normal criminal minds stuff briefly. 

A/n: I got these two requests and they were so similar I decided to combine them. I hope that’s okay, but I feel like the stories would have been almost identical. 

Requests:  - I have a fic suggestion. Reader pretends to be dumb but is actually really smart. I’m thinking of that quote about marilyn ”you have to be really smart to pretend to be dumb”. One day spencer realizes that reader is smarter than she lets people know.

- Hi! Can I request a spencer reid x reader fic where reader isn't great with numbers but brilliant with behaviour and humanities (i.e. literature, history, sociology, up to you)? Maybe a dash of insecurity to spice things up?

-- Learning Styles -- 

My favorite professor in college told me that everyone learns differently; what works for one person won’t work in the same way for another. We are all different human beings that are shaped in different ways.

I had always been oddly insecure about my intelligence level. One of my earliest memories was my mother yelling at me while I sat at the kitchen table when I was in first grade. I was the only kid in my class who still hadn’t learned how to read. I just didn’t understand. All of my friends were progressing so much quicker than me and my mother was losing patience.

It wasn’t until my grandmother stepped in that everything changed. My elementary school teacher was training children to read by memorizing sight words, a concept I didn’t understand. When my grandmother sat down and taught me phonics. I distinctly remember everything snapping into place.

I was in 1st grade and reading at a 7th-grade level by Christmas. Once I finally understood my learning style, I really began to thrive.

But no matter what I did, I could still hear my mother yelling at me, telling me I was stupid.

In my line of work, I see just how much the throw away comments that parents make can shape a child’s development. Luckily, those comments just made me a bit insecure, not a murderer.

Up until I was 22, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do beyond this desire I had to help people. SSA David Rossi had come to guest lecture in one of my abnormal psych classes during undergrad. After I heard him speak, I was done. I couldn’t have done anything else with my life. I had obtained my master’s in psychology before I joined the FBI.

It took some time, but I was finally assigned to the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico. I was so excited on my first day that I remember my hands physically shaking.

Until they weren’t.

I can still remember my first day so clearly. SSA Hotchner had introduced me to the team, saving the “best” for last.

“And this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he had said. “He’s our expert on…well, everything.”

Reid was my age and he had his Ph.D. I remember feeling awed by him.

Until I didn’t.

"I hold 3 Ph.D.'s in Chemistry, Engineering, and Mathematics. I also have BAs in psychology and sociology."

I remember my jaw almost hitting the floor. While I was impressed by him, I wasn’t insecure about my place on the team.

Until I was.

My grandmother may have helped me master reading, which opened the door to me mastering anything else I put my mind to…except math.

I was fine at statistics, luckily. You couldn’t get a psych degree without a ton of statistics work. But statistics was different, I could see the practical use of statistics. I just couldn’t wrap my head around calculus or algebra.

On my first case with the team, Reid had calculated some insane mathematical equations on the whiteboard, running down the probabilities and applying a mathematical formula to the unsub’s behavior.

It wasn't until later, after the case was solved when I was standing in front of the whiteboard that my confidence was hit. Reid had come into the room and saw me looking at his work.

“Don’t bother trying to understand it,” he had said. “You’d have to be a genius to understand what I do.”

I didn’t have a word to describe the feeling that settled in my stomach at his words, I wasn’t sure such a word existed. The feeling was cold and heavy, but also made my body burn with shame.

I had just offered him a tight smile before I left the room.

On the plane home I had made a decision. I was no match for Dr. Reid, I doubt anyone was. So, I would take myself out of the competition. I couldn’t get hurt if I wasn’t playing the game.

And that is how the next year of my life went. I allowed Dr. Reid to explain things to me that I was an expert in, never saying a word. I acted like I didn't understand concepts that I had written papers on. The only thing I didn't dumb down was my profiling skills. Those were necessary for my job and for saving lives.

I don’t think anyone realized what I was doing.

Until they did.

--

The team had been called to Colorado to assist in capturing a serial rapist.

All of our cases bothered me, every last one…but something about ones with this vile element really struck me.

We had the unsub’s name, Tyler Childress. He had spent time in prison for sexual assault and burglary. It seems while he was in prison, he spent time perfecting his methods; it was only by pure luck that we found his fingerprint inside the victim’s house, making him the main suspect.

When we paid Mr. Childress a visit, he had managed to get the drop on Prentiss and Morgan, allowing them to escape. Morgan was furious.

All of us were sitting around a conference table in the local prescient while we let Dr. Reid talk.

I was trying to be calm, I was, but my nails were digging into my palm so deeply I was worried I was about to draw blood.

“Guys,” the expert on everything said. “He has to have some sort of accomplice.”

Rossi just sighed. “But the profile doesn’t point to him being the sort to do well with others; he’s a narcissist.”

Reid wouldn’t budge. “I know that, but he isn’t intelligent enough to pull this off alone. He’s just not. He had an IQ test done when he was 20. He scored in the mentally handicapped range. I’m telling you he has to have help.”

“Are you sure, Reid?” Hotch asked.

“Positive. I have his results right here.”

“IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence on their own.”

I was so startled that someone had contradicted Dr. Reid that it took me a second to realize it was me who had contradicted him.

He turned to face me; his brown eyes wide. “What?”

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence.”

Dr. Reid laughed. He laughed at me like my comment was funny. “I don’t know where you heard that,” he began.

But I interrupted him. "IQ tests are classist and oftentimes racist. The man who invented the IQ test never intended for it to be used as a complete measure of intelligence. He regretted making the test.”

Reid sputtered. “You…it’s not racist!”

“Yes. It. Is.” I ground out. “If it wasn’t it wouldn’t be illegal to administer an IQ test to a black child in the state of California.”

"Wait, it's illegal to do that?" JJ asked, her brows drawn together.

"Yes. There was a court case in the 1970s over it. Teachers were using tests to separate white children from black children. The black children were put into special education classes they didn’t need to be in. Just because the teachers didn’t want those children in their classrooms.”

I should have stopped, but I was on a role. “They’re also inherently classist. How can you expect a child to answer a question about Romeo and Juliet if they haven’t heard of it?”

That had Dr. Reid scoffing. “Everyone has heard of it.”

I shot to my feet, unable to hold back anymore. “No, they haven’t. Children in underfunded schools that don’t have access to resources might not have heard about the most famous play in history because their school wasn’t able to provide the materials to teach them about it. There was a study done in a remote part of Russia right after the IQ test was invented. Every. Single. Person. Scored in the mentally handicapped range. Because they didn’t understand.”

I knew my voice was rising but I couldn’t stop myself. “Once the researcher took the questions and applied them to things they understood, they all scored as above average. They didn’t understand math as an abstract concept, but they understood it when it was applied to their businesses, to something they actually knew about.”

I cleared my throat. “The test isn’t fair, it’s not equal. Tyler Childress didn’t go to a good school and he didn’t have a stable home life. You can’t use one measure to calculate his intelligence. He’s gotten away with 7 assaults so far that we know of. He’s not stupid.”

The entire room was silent once I had stopped speaking. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it though. What kind of person was I if I played dumb because I was afraid of being mocked when a monster was out there attacking women? No, those women deserved to have me at my best.

And I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t give it to them.

Rossi spoke first, his eyes twinkling when he looked at me. “Took you long enough,” he said. “But y/n is right. We trust the profile; we don’t let personal bias cloud the way. That’s how we catch this bastard.”

--

Later that day, we were cleaning up the conference room while the local police processed Tyler Childress.

Pathological narcissism is a complex disorder, but we followed the profile and Rossi was right. Hotch set up a press conference in which JJ and Prentiss took center stage. They tore Childress’s ego to shreds on live television.

His narcissism wouldn’t allow that to slide. He got angry, he made a mistake, and we got him before anyone else got hurt.  

While the cat was out of the bag about my intelligence and that made me nervous, I couldn't regret any of it. I got to be the one to tell our last victim that we got him. I got to hug her while she cried because now that he was locked up, she felt like her healing could begin. I wasn’t sure if my rant about structural racism and the classism of IQ tests actually helped anything, but that didn’t really matter. There was one less monster in the shadows.

Today was a good day.

I was alone in the conference room, untacking photos from the evidence board when I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I turned my head to meet the wide, honey brown eyes of Dr. Spencer Reid.

Oh boy, I thought. “What’s up, Reid?”

He shifted from foot to foot, his hands twisting in front of him before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked Garcia to look into you.”

My eyebrows drew together. “I’m pretty sure any nefarious things I had done would have popped up on my initial background check.”

“Right, I didn’t mean like that,” he mumbled, the apples of his cheeks turning pink. “I asked her to look into you academically.”

Shit.

He went on. “You double majored in psychology and sociology before you got a master’s in cultural psychology. She pulled your thesis. I just read it.”

“I see.” I turned my attention back to the board.

“You also guest lecture on cross-cultural psychology at Georgetown several times a year. And you’ve co-authored two papers since I’ve known you.”

Meh, it’s three. But that doesn’t matter. “Did you read those too?”

I took his silence as confirmation.

He was so quiet I almost thought he had left, but the crackle of energy I felt in the air told me he hadn’t. “Do you need something, Dr. Reid?”

"Why didn't you get your Ph.D.?"

I had answered that question many, many times. “I didn’t need a doctorate to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to waste time. Once I figured out what I wanted, I charged at it.” Which was a far more honest answer than most people got about that from me.

“W-why did you pretend to be dumb?” he rasped out, causing me to look back at him. “32 days ago, you let me explain the long-term effects of gerrymandering and the complex causes of poverty.”

“Of course, I did,” I said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“One of the papers you authored was about generational poverty.”

“Just because I know a lot about something doesn’t mean I can stop listening to information. That sort of thinking breeds ignorance.” I smiled, unable to not tease him just a little bit.

Reid took a step closer to me. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have a good answer.”

In all the months I had known him, Spencer Reid had never touched me, not even so much as a finger brushing against mine when he handed me something. That fact is why I was so startled when I felt his hand on my upper arm, turning me towards him.

He licked his lips, his eyes darting around. “Did everyone else know?”

I shook my head, my teasing mood long gone. "No. I mean, clearly, Rossi suspected but…No, I didn't tell anyone else."

“I just don’t understand. You’re brilliant.”

I scoffed. “No, I’m not. I’m decent a psychology, sociology, stuff like that. I can’t apply math to behavior to find patterns. I can’t even calculate how much something is gonna cost when it’s on sale without a calculator half the time.”

‘What do you…” Reid trailed off. “Wait. The very first case. You were looking at the evidence board.”

Goddamn eidetic memory.

The boy wonder was on a roll now. “I told you that you’d have to…is that why you didn’t tell me?”

What else could I do? I just nodded.

Those brown eyes closed, and he let out a groan. “I said that because I thought you were going to…I was worried…” He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes. “I wanted you to like me. I didn’t want you to think I was just a nerd.”  

Now I was confused. “Why?”

Spencer Reid’s blush went all the way down his neck. “Well…I just…Morgan said I should just talk to you. But I’m not…I’m not good at that. I panic, then I start to ramble. Like I’m doing now…”

“Reid,” I interrupted. “I’m not playing dumb now. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I like you,” he blurted out right before he smacked both of his hands over his face. “Oh my god. I sound like a child.” I thought I heard him mutter idiot under his breath. “Emily says that my IQ gets slashed to 60 whenever I see a pretty girl.”

Much like that moment all those years ago when I was a child, I felt everything click into place. Oh.

I couldn't suppress my smile any longer. I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Well, we've already gone over how IQ tests aren't a good measure of overall intelligence."  

With that, I quickly stepped away and hurried out of the conference room, leaving a stunned genius in my wake. When I turned back to look at him, I saw his fingers brushing over the place where my lips had just been.  

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