#he genuinely thinks they are just weird friends

[mywritersmind]

ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR - LN4

↳ pt.3

summary : Feelings are complicated and you and Lando aren’t a great mix to express them. A tension filled boat that leads to sexual chemistry so thick that you end up in the same bed.

og summary : Its the vacation of your dreams! With your best friends, rich men, live music, and flowing drinks, nothing can ruin it. Even if a certain Formula 1 driver (who seems to have an affinity for annoying you) is there every step of the sandy way.

listen up : ho this is long. suggestive comments!! hope you like part three!!! muah! previous part

word count : 4142

⋆｡‧˚⋆

“Boat day! Boat day!” Alex chants while walking down the dock with Lily on his shoulders. I woke up to over a hundred texts to get to the dock with a swimsuit and sunscreen.

Charles’ friend doesn’t just have a boat he has a fucking yacht. It’s not gigantic but it’s definitely the nicest boat I've ever seen. “Uh Charles… you do know how to drive this, right?”

Alexandra shares my worried stare as Lando and Carlos race each other onto it. Kika throws her arm around me and grins as we walk onto the back. There’s four steps and my jaw drops as we go ‘inside’.

There’s a huge couch that turns into a dining area, a TV, followed by a small kitchen. Kika and I hurry to the front where there’s one day bed that shaded and one in the very front that’s for tanning.

Apparently there’s three bedrooms and two bathrooms! “I think I need a yacht.” I say to Kika as we check out the table and chairs on the side.

She looks like a mermaid today, in a bright blue bikini and sparkly nail polish. I’ve taken more of a siren route in dark red.

I’m all for woman doing things in ‘male’ fields, but I let the men figure out how to get the boat working. Alexandra, Lily, Kika, Rebecca and I, put our things down in one of the rooms and make our way to the Bow where the sun is hitting us perfectly.

Rebecca pulls off her shirt to reveal a light pink one piece while Lily runs over with a speaker in a multicolored bikini. We start blasting Dominic fine as Charles evidently figured the boat out, and we start to leave.

The moment we only see clear blue water, the girls turn to me. I’m laid out on the tanning bed, sunnies on and fully ready to take a sunny nap, but Rebecca pokes me.

“So, you and Lando are still alive!” She says the obvious as I sit up and lean against my arms, “How’d it go!?”

I want to tell them everything. I want to tell them that It was genuinely fun and I had a great time and i’ve never laughed harder, but I can’t. I shrug, “It was okay.”

Alex eyes me, “Just… okay?”

I nod, “He fucked up my plan so we didn’t go anything crazy and we got kicked out of a pottery place.”

Kika perks up at this, “Pottery? Did he do that thing like how the movie stars do it?” She gets behind Lily as they start to recreate those weird sexual pottery scenes.

I roll my eyes, “No. Like I said, we got kicked out. Then we just went to the hotel and split up.”

Lily frowns, “Lando said you two got a drink.”

Shit. “Oh right, I went to sleep pretty early.”

Kika groans and falls down next to me, “So nothing happened at all? No flirting, no kissing?”

Lots of flirting and fuck yes kissing!

I love my friends, and I trust them! I just don’t trust them to not tell their boyfriends. “Did you have this ‘couples day’ just so Lando and I would have a chance of hooking up?”

Lily leans in, “So is there a chance!?”

I look at all of them to make sure everyone is listening, “No chance! I told you I wanted to have a fun vacation which does not include you trying to set me up!”

Rebecca slouches a bit, “You’re right.”

“Sorry.” Alex mumbles, “We just feel bad.”

“It’s not your fault i’m single and you’re not.” I stand, “I’m going to get some water.”

My plan to hide away on the couch is immediately ruined by Lando taking up the whole thing. He’s scrolling on his phone, shirt and shoes off.

I turn quickly and go downstairs, running into Pierre, “Hey Y/n! Looking for something?”

“Uh… water?”

There’s a little mini fridge that he pulls a bottle from, “You okay?” Pierre is sweet and it makes me happy for Kika.

“Yeah!” I open the bottle and drink.

“Just that… Lando told us what happened.” I choke on the water, coughing as his eyes get panicked, “What!?”

“Are you- Uh… He just said that you two ended the night weird. We all thought it would magically turn you into friends but I guess not.” Fucking hell he just scared me so bad.

“Oh! Right… I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.” So everyone was rooting for us to become friends yesterday?

Pierre just shrugs and moves past me, walking up the stairs without another word.

⋆༺

LANDO

I’m playing poker with my friends while the girls dance around the front deck. We’re anchored on the water and after an hour of swimming, we all needed to pause.

I’m shit at poker but it doesn’t matter because i’m already distracted by the shadow of a girl through the window.

I kissed her. I kissed her and she’s avoiding me.

I think i’m an idiot but I know i’m not because anyone smart would fall for her. Not that I'm in love or anything, I’m just��� intrigued?

“Lan?” Alex kicks me under the table, “What’s got you so uninterested in money?”

I just shake my head and look back down at my cards, “Something happened, didn’t it?” Pierre asks, clocking my weird mood. “With Y/n.”

“No.” She would kill me if I told, and I already said too much by drunkenly explaining that the night did not end well to Alex and Lily.

They would definitely tell their girlfriends, so I keep my mouth shut, “You’re a shit liar.” Carlos says, “But whatever, None of my business.”

Charles frowns, “Totally our business! We all love Y/n and want to know what happened!”

“Nothing happened.” I shake my head, taping a chip against the table, “Drop it.”

Just then, Y/n walks in while clutching her hand, her face scrunched up, “I need a bandaid asap.” Charles stands quickly and grabs the first aid kit from a cabinet, “Your girlfriend pushed me off the boat!” She points to Pierre who cringes.

She’s soaking wet, her hair dripping water onto the floor as she crosses her legs. She's in a red bikini and I think I might faint.

I instantly feel bad when I remember her hand is bleeding and i’m just checking her out. Kika runs in, “I’m so sorry, Y/n!”

Y/n just shakes her head, walking over to the kitchen and washing off her hand, wincing at the pain, “Don’t worry It’s just a scratch, i’m just joking.”

I stand and walk over, looking over the sink to get a better look at her hand. She’s got a cut along the side of her hand, bloody and sort of gross. “You sure you’re okay?”

She nods without saying anything, just turning to Charles who has his kit ready.

I bite my lip and sort of awkwardly walk towards Carlos who’s already watching me. “The fuck did you do?”

⋆༺

YOU

Besides my little incident with my hand, I’m having a great time.

Charles drives us to a secluded area with caves which you can swim in. I personally stay out in the open air but Rebecca, Pierre, Charles, and Alexandra check them out.

I sit in a tube with my head tilted back and my hair floating around me. My stomach and chest are warm while my back is cold against the water.

Someone dives in near me and I can hear my laughing as they jump and flip off the boat. I regret opening my eyes as soon as I do because I catch Lando back flipping off the boat.

It’s one of those moments where I don’t remember why I don’t like him. I suppose that’s not as true now, but seeing him flip off is still hot as hell.

I end up dunking and swimming back to the boat, sitting on the back where my feet dangle in the water. I know Lando’s the one walking down and sitting next to me before I see him.

“Hey.” He sounds nervous and quick.

“Hi.” I stand and walk up the stairs, screwing up my face and mentally yelling at myself. I hide in the kitchen, grabbing some fruit before venturing out to sit with Lily and Alex.

They’re all cuddled up and giggling so I spare them my company and sit at the table on the side of the boat.

The music is quiet and I can hear my friends talking across the boat. I bite into a strawberry and stare at the water below.

My anxiety is through the roof and i’m on a boat in fucking turkey. I’m annoyed that Lando just being near me is making me on edge.

As if he heard me, his head pokes out from behind the door, his hair wet and his eyes shining. “We’re gonna take off soon. Might wanna hold on cause of Charles’ driving.”

“Ok.” It’s like I can’t control my feet. I just stand and walk past him, giving him a quick smile and leaving him.

I then interrupt Alex and Lily, loudly stepping down the steps so they sit up. I hear everyone else getting out of the water and Lily can tell something wrong immediately.

“Could you get me some water?” She turns to Alex who gives her a quizzical look.

“You can’t do it yours-” She gives him another look which he immediately understands. Alex leaves quickly and Lily hurries over to me. I sit with my knees to my chest as she puts her hand on my arm.

“What happened? For real this time, what’s wrong?”

I look up at her, our friends walking past and up to the kitchen. I try to say it but I just groan and shove my face into my knees, “Y/n!”

I mumble it but she pokes my face so I look back up at her. I take a breath and force it out, “Lando kissed me.” And then she screams.

I shove my hand over her mouth so fast that her scream is muffled. We practically wrestle as she tries to get my hand free, “Lily!” She licks my hand and I gasp, pulling it off her.

“I’ll stop! I’ll stop!” She shuts her mouth and sits on her feet, staring at me, “We saw him last night… He looked drunk and completely in a different world.”

I groan into my hands, laying back on the cushion, “We were drunk! Sort of… We had a great day and it was actually fun like the type of thing friends do.” she nods at my words, “But then we were on the beach drinking and joking and he just… kissed me.”

Lily leans in, whispering, “Did you kiss him back?”

I bite my lip at the memory, nodding slowly. She screams again. I lay face down on the cushion as she taps my shoulder repeatedly and the boat starts to move. “Was it like a peck or make out?”

My cheeks get red so she already knows the answer, “Who stopped it?”

“Me? I think.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes… God, Lily!” she’s smiling at me again, “He’s a good kisser. Also please don’t tell anyone! Especially the girls. I just don’t want it getting around or making anything awkward.”

“Of course I won’t! Even Alex, I promise.” she attaches her pinky to mine and grins, “I have so many questions and we will talk about this later but I have one thing I need to ask.”

I sigh, “Go ahead.”

“Do you want it to happen again?” I think I'm going to be sick.

⋆༺

LANDO

I find Lily and Y/n at the front, Y/n looks panicked at my appearance. “Can I talk to you?” She looks at me, then Lily.

I actually think she’s going to jump off the boat to avoid talking to me. But instead she goes for a quicker route, “I gotta pee.” I roll my eyes as she runs inside, slipping a bit at the wet deck.

Lily and I both watch her run, she just blinks and shrugs, “Good luck with that one.” She probably told Lily and it’s making me ultra aware that she knows I kissed her friend.

I settle back inside on the couch, listening to Charles tell a story while my eyes are completely distracted by Y/n laughing with her friends and eating raspberries.

I need to talk to her. She’s got a good poker face when she isn’t blushing and it’s practically impossible to get her alone.

“What about you, Lando? The only single one left!” Alex laughs and nudges my arm.

I laugh awkwardly, “Right.” I know the girls can hear this and I don’t want it to continue.

“So… how many models are you talking to?” Carlos asks as I scratch the back of my neck.

I shift my gaze to Y/n, who’s looks frustratingly good with her back arched, her elbows on the counter, and her eyes trying not to meet mine.

I run my tongue over my teeth and look back at Carlos, “You really wanna make that joke when your girlfriends a model, Sainz?” His face drops immediately and he punches my arm.

Charles and Pierre are crying laughing, “You two really wanna laugh?” They shut up real quick which makes me hear Y/n’s laugh.

It makes me smile and as soon as I realize why, I stop. “What about that girl you were debating on bringing?” Pierre snaps back fast.

“Hey, I was drunk and-”

“Pussy whipped!” Pierre coughs as Kika throws a raspberry at his head.

My friends start a new conversation (per the girls request) and move it out to the deck, Charles and Pierre arguing in french while they drive. I watch Y/n excuse herself and slip inside, and I follow.

I corner her outside the bathroom, her hands brushing through her half dried hair. She freezes, “Excuse me.”

She tries to walk past but I don’t let her. “Did I overstep?” She looks at me confused still, “Because I feel like an asshole.”

“No… You didn’t overstep.”

I groan, placing my hand next to her head against the wall, “So then talk to me.”

She crosses her arms, “I don’t want to.”

“Tough shit. You kissed me back.”

“I wish I didn’t.” She’s not looking me in my eyes and I haven’t been able to forget how she kissed me so I know she’s lying.

I step closer, “Try again, pretty.”

She looks up at me, her mouth pouty and her eyes big. “It was a mistake…”

I frown, “Mistakes can happen more than once.”

“Not this kind.” She lets out a breath, “I can’t stand you.”

“So use me.”

She opens her mouth, then shuts it. Y/n bites her lip and it takes everything in me not to physically whine. “You’re not mine to use.”

“I’m offering.”

“I’m rejecting.” that hurts way more than I expected.

“I’ll get on my knees.” Her hand goes to my arm that’s braced against the wall, her touch is soft and makes me weak.

I swallow and she clocks it instantly. “Go on, then.” I think I'm dreaming, but I’m not one to pinch myself.

I slowly sink to my knees, my hand trailing down the side of her body. I didn’t think she’d say yes. Right here? Where anyone could find us? I’ve never been more down for anything in my entire life.

She smiles, cute and innocent as if i’m not kneeling in front of her. God she’s beautiful. Her tanned leg moves to my shoulder and just as I think she’s about to pull me in, she shoves me back down.

I stare at her from my new place on the floor, her smile much wider now. She gets down to my level as I try to pull myself back up, she pushes me back down. “In your dreams, Norris.”

I breathe out as she walks up the stairs, my view cushioning the embarrassment I feel, “Trust me, you will be.”

⋆༺

YOU

My lovely friends have decided to have another lovely couples night. I honestly am excited to have a moment of peace after today's day.

I get all dressed up in my favorite outfit. A red cocktail dress that fits like a glove, white heels, and my hair wavy and salty.

I’m in a great mood, it’s the type of mood where i’m avoiding everything but am by the ocean so I can’t be sad! Everything is nice and well until I get turned away at the restaurant.

It’s the one place close to the hotel that I haven’t been, “I’m sorry, there just isn’t any table for tonight.”

So it appears that every single person has decided to settle down and wallow in self pity at this restaurant, “Please!”

“I’m sorry, we just can’t have you sit unless you have another-”

I hear him swear before I see him. He’s dressed up too, arguing with another waiter as he sets eyes on me, “Great.”

Lando’s face below me flashes in my mind as he looks at me as if he wishes I was anybody else, “I’ll eat with her.”

“Don’t seem so happy.” I cross my arms, my clutch in my hand as he walks closer.

“My beautiful date.” The word beautiful makes me drop my annoyed expression and I'm lucky he’s looking at the hostess, “One table, for two, please.”

We’re shown our table, given water and ordered drinks, but I refuse to talk first. Lando seems to have the same idea, sipping his drink and looking out at the dark water.

Still, He clears his throat and looks at me. His jacket is hung over the chair, a curl falling just perfectly down, and with his green eyes in the moonlight, he looks like a prince.

“Have a good day, pretty?”

“Are you small talking me now, Norris?”

His brow quirks as he brings his glass to his lips, “You’ve been ignoring me all day, what else am I supposed to say? Would you rather me beg?”

Maybe I would. “I saw Kika push you into the water today. You hit your head?” I fake pity, pouting.

“I must have because suddenly I'm imagining a very pretty girl run her very pretty hands through my hair.” He sits up straighter, “Hm… must be the head injury.”

I thought I would be more upset because of our dining situation. But I find myself smiling as he teases me. We order and he does the oddest thing… he starts asking me about my life.

“I know you. I’ve been around you. I’ve kissed you. Yet I don’t even know where you live.” I’m surprised but should I be? Just because I didn’t like him, doesn’t mean I didn’t laugh at his jokes.

So we start talking. And for about an hour and a half, it’s all we do. We talk with a side of food and a beautiful view. We talk about Formula 1, we talk about my work, we talk about my hair, we talk about his family.

He asks me about my pets and he doesn’t complain when I make a jab at his food which is plain as can be.

It’s the first time that I really believe we could be friends. It’s when I truly see the potential that my friends have seen. “We were too alike.” I snap my fingers together, swirling my pasta, “That’s why I hated you.”

“So you hated yourself? That’s quite harsh, pretty.” He’s finished his food, and is lounging in his chair. The restaurant is almost empty, we could sit wherever we’d like and leave too, but I keep talking.

“No. I mean you just clashed with me because two of the same personality is too much.”

“I think I think ‘too much’. Has me enjoying our date.”

I shake my head, “Not a date.”

“Totally a date.” He winks and I drop the subject.

“I think I didn’t like you because I liked you.” He says it so casually that I almost don’t understand it.

“What?”

“I really like you.” He nods and I wonder how many glasses of wine he’s had, “Y/n, i’m not drunk. I’m just honest. Don’t freak out i’m not gonna get down on one knee…” this makes him smirk, “Or two!”

“You can’t just dislike someone because you fancy them!”

“I don’t fancy you! I just… like you. I like the way you are around me and I really liked messing with you. You’re easy to frustrate.”

“I am not!” He raises a brow and I shut my mouth.

“Let’s get going… everyone’s party already at the beach club. You wouldn’t want to miss your local lovers.”

“Um… are you dining and dashing? We have to pay.” He scoffs. Actually scoffs at me!

“I already did. Come on.” He takes my bag and walks out.

At my request, Mamma mia plays from his phone as we walk down the path next to the beach. I spin around with my heels in my hand and my hair in my face. “Why can’t I live on an island!?”

“Why can’t you?”

I eye him, “I’ll live on an island when you buy me one.”

“Woah- I bought you dinner and you just started to tolerate me… Save the island for next week.” I smile and almost trip over something that hisses.

“Aw!” I practically scream and kneel down to it. It’s a tiny cat, orange and brown and rubbing against my outstretched hand, “Oh my god!”

“It’s gonna bite you.” I just roll my eyes and tug at his pant leg to join me.

The cat takes to him immediately, rubbing up against his leg and clawing up to his chest. I laugh as it falls off and comes back to me, “Cutie…”

I scratch its ear with my nicely done nails which he clearly appreciates. He starts licking my hand and I wish I had something to feed him. A small smile settles on my lips as the cool breeze brushes back my hair.

I look up to see Lando staring at me. “I really did mean it, when I said you were beautiful.” I feel a little sick at his words. The good kind of sick. The butterflies kind of sick.

The cat runs away when someone joins us on the path and I stand with him, “We should hurry, party time.”

⋆༺

LANDO

She left her purse in my room. We were heading back and I had to put down my jacket so we stopped in my room.

She left her bag which explains why she’s standing at my door in a matching pajama set and hotel slippers on her feet

“I need my mints.” She pushes past me and looks around for it. I help her because I have no idea where she put it either.

She had guys buy her drinks all night. You have no idea how much it killed me to see them all over her as if she wasn’t having dinner with me an hour before.

“Your room is a mess.” she says as she tears apart my nicely made bed.

“You’re tipsy, huh?”

She giggles as I lean against the door frame. She falls on my bed and looks up at the ceiling, “Guys love me!”

I shake my head and yawn. I finally find her bag, it’s in the bathroom for some reason and when I come back into my room to hand her it, she’s passed out on my bed.

“Y/n!” I shake her a bit but she only slaps my hand away, “You are so close to being in the correct bed! I found your purse.”

Her eyes open slightly, then she rolls over and moans louder, “Shh!” Then she’s out like a light. I hear her soft breathing and rustling around as I give up and sit next to her.

“I’m not sleeping on the couch!” I tell her but I know she’s already asleep.

She looks oddly peaceful. She looks tan and happy, even asleep on my bed. I accept my fate quicker than I probably should have, “Goodnight, then, pretty.” Flipping off the lights and pulling the blanket over her, I slip next to her and push a pillow in between us.

I don’t want her to wake up screaming after all.

I see her outline in the dark, the weight of someone sharing my bed, and the smell of her perfume I know is going to be there tomorrow. I see her, and curse myself.

She really is beautiful.

[oimitocat]

TSWCP — CHAPTER 1

lee minho x m!reader

chapter summary; minho shouldn’t think of you as more than his friend, but he can’t help it. unknowing that it’s vice versa, he just tries to stay as good as a friend as he has been. not aware that you feel for him too. yet, the two of you keep deceiving yourselves.

content warning; subtle internalized homophobia + subtle insecurity + tension + constant change of pov (mainly minho’s)

content genre; idol au + actor au + fluff + slight angst + 9th member! reader

word count — 6.5k | m.list | a/n; enjoy ;)

minho doesn’t like the term crush. the word feels like an impossible possibility to something more with the person you have feelings for. he won’t say it out loud but he also doesn’t deny that he has feelings. sure, he acts cold and annoying and-

“-and weird but it’s okay. we like you just the way you are,” you say with a grin.

minho rolls his eyes at you. even if he’s all of those things, he shows love in his own way. he shows he cares in his own way. everyone knows this, members and fans alike. you could say his love language is acts of service. he won’t say it of course, he’ll deny anything and everything. the main thing he’s trying to deny right now is that he has a crush on you. his delusional self says it’s not a crush, it’s an actual feeling he knows can turn into reality. his other half is telling him he’s stupid if he thinks anything will happen.

after all there are a lot of factors he takes into consideration. the main two being– how conservative his country is and the idea he has created in his head that you would never look at him the way he hopes. it’s absurd, anyone would say, it’s clear as day how the two of you look at each other. minho has seen the ship tweets on twitter and videos or their “chemistry”. yet, he doesn’t see what everyone else sees… and he doesn’t realize it’s because of his fear.

his fear is acting out on his feelings genuinely and not for fan service. despite knowing he enjoys faking it so much.

that’s something you obviously don’t know. you silently preen at him when he walks past you and bats his pretty eyes at you. the nine of you are at a show. well, you’re all wrapping up. minho is in your eyesight at all times, unknowingly. you watch as he talks with felix about what they had just done. you always take in as much as you can, during promotions it’s harder to be… intimate.

“okay,” you say to yourself, rolling your eyes at yourself for the impure thought you had for a split second.

that definitely wasn’t the word but you also think it fits best. there’s just something more personal of being with minho alone in the comfort of your dorms. not just with minho, with everyone. you care for everyone the same. you watch out for everyone the same, it’s a dynamic you love. you know your fans love that side of you too; that caring and loving side you show towards the members. especially towards minho, the fans go crazy when you two are a little touchy & lovey.

at some point, the fan service wasn’t just fan service for you. you actually meant what you did.

there are things you take pride in. you take pride in your career, your honed skills- both in dancing and acting. you’re proud of your education accomplishments. you have reasons to be confident and you have a way of handling things that many point out and praise you for. still, you remain humble and only flex when needed.

hence, those are things that minho loves about you.

“s/n-ssi,” the host calls out, “could you record a video for us talking about your experience in the show?”

minho watches how you pause. he finds it adorable how your eyes widen.

“by myself?” you ask, cautious.

“you could invite one more member.”

he looks away the second your eyes fall on him. he plays dumb, like he’s already in his own business. yet, extremely aware of how you walk up to him. he braces himself for the question, yet, it doesn’t come. instead, you grab his hand and start to drag him. he should’ve known.

“y/n,” he groans.

you laugh, the sound bouncing around his head at how beautiful it is. he loves your laugh. “come on lee know,” he teases, “we gotta do our job.”

“it’s very quick,” the host says when the two of you join him with the camera man.

minho forces a smile. it indeed is a very quick recording. he doesn’t talk at all, simply listens to you and nods. the whole time it’s just you talking, but you’re hyper aware of minho next to you. the second, however, he looks at you, you stutter.

“-and i- no we- have not i mean, will- lee know why are you looking at me like that,” you accuse.

minho blinks, ears going red when he’s caught staring. he had hoped it wasn’t too obvious, he only tried to glance at you. guess he just couldn’t keep his eyes away from you even if he tried.

the host simply laughs and urges you to continue. minho, teasingly, keeps staring at you. you look at the ceiling as you keep talking, wrapping it up quick.

“ah, s/n-ssi it’s almost like you were rapping at the end there,” the host laughs.

“well you did say wrap it up, get it?”

minho makes a face of disgust. “please don’t,” he utters while the camera man and the host laugh at your witty humor.

later, when the episode airs, minho can’t help but watch the final part when you and him were “interviewed”. he obviously didn’t say much, he doesn’t focus on anything except you. how you smile as you talk, how you cracked up the ugliest joke known to humankind.

“-but it’s okay, we like you just the way you are,” he says at the end of the video and the editors have the joy to cue back at what y/n had said about him in the show.

he gives the video a like and goes to sleep.

the thing about promotions is that there is little time to yourself. it’s where you have the most cameras on you. it’s where you have the least sleep. that doesn’t really stop any of you from being any different, your group is known for being the way you are on cameras as you are off cameras.

you really dislikes the lack of sleep though. it’s a known fact it makes you grumpy. you already have a rbf, so the sleep fatigue makes it worse.

“you got pain killers?”

minho looks at you before shaking his head. you groan, closing your eyes and slumping into your seat. the van is full of four members aside from yourself. jisung is sleeping in the middle row seats, you really envy him.

“you can lean on me if you want to fall asleep,” he offers, his heart racing.

“no cus then you’ll fall asleep and blame me for making it an uncomfortable nap.”

minho laughs, absolutely enamored with how truthful that was. “yeah but you had less sleep than me, didn’t you go recite the script they sent in for the drama they casted you for?”

you hum, eyes closed. “yeah, it’s not that bad though. my lines are a mix of english and korean, super helpful.”

“oh wow,” he watches you, enjoying how exposed your neck is since you have it tilted back into the seat’s headrest. “fans will go crazy.”

you snort, “they go crazy regardless.”

that’s true.

he goes crazy too.

he falls silent, looking forward and listening to the sound of your breathing. you ended up humming softly, something you do when you’re trying to stay awake. he messes with the bag on his lap. he truly worries for you, shooting a drama takes out so much from you. he remembers how exhausted you were last time despite only appearing in the drama for 5 episodes and not the whole season.

“have they told you how long shooting will take?”

you sigh, never once opening your eyes. you cross your arms over your chest, “about six months.” minho’s brows shoot up, “minimum.”

“oh damn,” he watches as you swallow, not concealing how attentive he is to your adam’s apple. “when do you start?”

“next month, but they won’t air any of the trailers until… what month are we in?”

“august,” he says.

“like around march?”

“we have a comeback around that time…” minho frowns, “is the company going to make you sit back?”

“like hell i will, even if they offer it, i’m not stopping my activities with the group over a drama, i can handle it.”

minho says nothing, knowing that when you decide on something no one can change your mind. there’s a reason fans compare you to chan, feared by jyp due to the potential and privileges you two have. exceptional workers. minho loves seeing that stubborn side of you. it’s amusing during games, it’s hot during tense conversations with management and it’s enamoring when you talk to him about your plans.

only he knows even the most intimate details of you. your past and what you dream for your future.

he knows you can handle it… but only to an extent. you’re dear to him, anyone with eyes can see it. even when the members speak about who minho has a soft spot for- you are among the short list.

it’s a mutual thing, recognizable for the eye to see… just not for the two of you.

anyone else sees it.

they see how you look at minho as if he hangs the stars. they see how he looks at you with soft eyes, like you hold the world.

“we start working on recordings tomorrow,” he comments.

“i know.”

minho opens his bag and and pulls out a water bottle. he uncaps it and hands it to you, nudging your elbow with it. you open your eyes, raise your head and look at him questioningly. he eyes you, nudging you once more with the bottle. it’s a silent order, so you take it. your eyes follow down to his hands as he pulls out-

“YOU DID HAVE PILLS!”

“y/n~! shut up!” jisung groans.

you take pride in many things. minho knows what they are.

“one - two - three, four, five - six a~nd seven,” minho recites rhythmically as he watches you through the mirror.

you started shooting the drama last week and you’re behind. the company enforces the group to practice the b side that will be promoted, for those are the ones 3RACHA decide first, the title track always being hard to choose.

you’re one of the main dancers. minho loves seeing you pour everything you have into your dance. the way your limbs move with both grace and power is something he enjoys watching.

he claps his hands and turns to you, “want to do it with music?”

you grimace but nod. doing it with music isn’t the same as practicing it without it. you have to learn how to synchronize the beats of your steps to the music. you learned that confidence is key, nine out of ten times , if you do things with confidence, you are bound to do it right. so you color no one surprised when you get it right. minho smiles at you, patting your arm in praise.

“good! now the chorus,” minho laughs.

you smile, watching him wipe the sweat off his forehead. he has no makeup on and you find that minho without makeup is the prettiest. you get to see his natural flush, he radiates something more when he’s without makeup. something beautiful.

“what?” he asks when he sees you haven’t moved.

“huh?” you blink, looking away.

he doesn’t say anything. he stares at you before bring the back of his hand to his cheek. they’re warm. ugh, he hates how visible his flusteredness gets when he’s without makeup. he shouldn’t overthink things either. you probably were staring at him because of how sweaty he is, nothing more. you have too many things in your mind, you have better things to think about. at the end of the day, he knows you would never look at him the way he wants.

“need a break?” you ask and he snaps out of it.

“eh? hey, i should be asking you that!” he gently shoves you.

you snort, “i’m the most talented person on this earth. i can handle anything.”

minho narrows his eyes and says nothing. the playfulness leaves as he takes in your tired eyes.

“how’s the drama coming along?” he asks softly as he sits on the floor.

you copy him, shrugging. “it’s going. the first few shots are the hardest in my opinion, because you have to make the most impact in the first two episodes. the directors are a little harsh on the female actors… i kinda don’t like that but i can’t do much about that..”

minho frowns, “have they upset you? the directors?”

“nah, i mean i am still new to the whole main lead thing, so i do need a little help here and there but other than that all good.” you smile.

minho nods, understanding. he stares at you, catching a glimpse of something in your eyes. he knows it too well. he can’t even get away before you tackle him.

“yah!” he yells, underneath your weight, “y/n!”

“ye~s?” you laugh, caging him under your arms.

“get off!” he demands, trying to push you off.

another thing about you is that you have a sleeper’s build. you don’t seem very strong but you are. certain clothes grant people to see that you are actually built, while others hide what your physique is. no one truly knows your strength until you show it. like now, minho himself is pretty strong but you always beat him.

“hm, how about no.”

“yah!”

“ah, you’re getting red!”

“i am not!”

you laugh before levitating yourself a bit, letting him breathe. he looks so pretty, now that you fully look down. with his hair fanned across the floor, his face a little red, his chest rising as he catches his breath. gorgeous.

then you lower yourself once more. he grunts.

“do not do push ups on top of me! you’re heavy!”

“how rude,” you pout as you lower yourself down again.

you’re so, so close! he swallows and lets out a soft, shuddered breath as you grin down at him. why do you have to be so good looking? he can’t even keep fighting you, he feels so weak underneath you. he closes his eyes when your face is inches away from his. he turns his head to the side, grunting when you put all your weight on him again.

he knows you’re messing with him, but his dirty mind can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have you on top of him. in a very different way, to have you lean down on him.

“are you guys practicing?” felix asks as he comes in, smiling brightly.

hyunjin comes after, looking directly at the two of you. “yah! what are you doing?”

“was just messing around,” you say with a wide smile as you roll off of minho.

minho says nothing, swallowing down the whimper he had wanted to let out when you got off of him. why does he like you so much? you’re the worst. for what, minho? for not liking you back? he thinks annoyingly.

felix tackles y/n to the ground. hyunjin sits down. minho hates how annoyed he is that they came in. it was supposed to just be you and him all night practicing. he wanted to be the main one to teach you the choreographies. he wanted to bask in your presence for as long as he could tonight before not seeing you all day tomorrow.

“how’s the drama coming? do you have any clips?” hyunjin asks, excited.

you cradle felix in your lap and peer over his shoulder. “i have one from today,” you point at your bag, “my phone’s in there, can you hand it to me?”

hyunjin scrambles to do so. he’s a big drama fanatic and knowing you’ll be acting in one as the main lead, he’s extremely excited. he won’t stop talking about it nonstop if anyone gives him the opportunity to do so. when you pull up the recording, he peers over hyunjin’s shoulder. minho would say he’s your number one fan- well, he won’t say it out loud but he is.

seeing you with your prop outfit does things to his heart. your hairstyle is clean, not exactly slicked back but something that compliments your face so much and exposes more of it. you look handsome, more so when you yell out a line, the other actors displaying fear from your outburst. the camera expands out to the room and a woman is sitting across the table from where you are at the end.

with a gasp, hyunjin asks, “WHO’S THAT?”

minho looks at you from under his lashes, wondering the same thing.

“that’s the female lead,” you pause, “you want her korean name or her english name?”

minho’s brows twitch from a furrow to neutral at the question.

“why do you know both?” felix snorts.

“everyone knows ours,” you argue.

“fair.”

“whichever,” hyunjin awaits.

“lee gayoung,” you say casually, “i’m pretty sure she’s done second female lead for two dramas before this.”

“what’s the plot about again?” hyunjin asks

“it’s kinda based on ancient mythology but the leads shift from modern times to ancient times. i’m not going to say much, the posters are about to come out,” you chuckle.

minho stares back at your phone as hyunjin hits play for the video to continue. the panel zooms in to the female lead, showing her dead serious expression.

“she’s so pretty,” hyunjin breathes out. “damn, some good actors were casted!”

“of course, i’m one of them,” you huff and tilt your chin up.

minho stares at the actress before the director yells out ‘cut!’ and whoever is holding the phone screams and moves the phone away from the screen where they were recording the shot. it panels to y/n walking away with a shy smile as staff members cheer.

“who was recording?” minho finds himself asking.

“huh? oh, some staff member,” you shrug.

there’s a bitter sensation in minho’s throat. he knows how popular you are with the ladies. you’re too friendly towards them without even meaning to. regardless of gender, he sees how others look at you— during award shows, music shows, interviews, wherever. you turn heads without knowing.

“we should keep practicing,” he says, catching your attention as well as hyunjin and felix’s.

“yeah we should,” you sigh, shoving felix off of you playfully.

yet, you couldn’t help but notice how only felix and hyunjin were teaching you more than minho. as if minho had distanced himself.

it’s probably just your tired mind making that up though,,,right?

on the odd times you have off, minho makes the most of it. his schedule isn’t as busy as yours, hence, it’s not hard for him to move some things around when you announce that you have an evening off. he quickly tells you to be ready to help him in the kitchen.

“cake?” you complain, “i’m feeling cheese danishes.”

minho scoops up a bit of cake frosting with his finger from the bowl and inspects it. “then make them. you’re the l/n y/n, you know how to do anything.” he smears it on your cheek. “don’t ya?”

“hey!” you immediately take a full hand of frosting and smear it all over his face.

he gasps and screams. his hands fly to grab your wrist and tug on it to get away from his face.

“i have to buy an ingredient, want to come with me?”

he glares at you as once he successfully wipes off the frosting from his eyes. “no.”

“what?” you gasp, “why not?”

“HELLO? YOU SMEARED A HANDFUL OF FROSTING IN MY FACE.”

“wash it off,” you huff. you stare at him as he furiously wipes his face with a towel. “or let me wash it for you.”

minho pauses, he turns to you before narrowing his eyes. “okay.”

“i knew you couldn’t resist me-“

“FORGET IT!”

you laugh as you tussle him to the kitchen sink. he’s strangely pliant as you gently bend him forward and run the faucet. he grumbles as you furiously wash his face, playful and annoying him. yet, you actually took your time and went gentle after a few seconds. wiping away at every crevice on his face, watching how his features don’t soften in case you try to pull something.

just as you close the faucet, you cup his face and squish it. he glares at you before pulling away and saying he’ll go in his current clothes while hanging up the apron.

“hai,” you announce as you pick up your wallet and keys.

the nearest grocery store isn’t far, maybe ten minutes by foot. minho enjoys these small moments, especially when he knows a busy schedule is coming up. the two of you had always had a strong bond, almost the way he has one with jisung. except you’re just a lot more special to him.

“what did we not have that you’re getting?” he asks as he looks over at you.

you look amazing under the lights. it’s slightly dark already, he loved seeing you in good lighting when you’re in nothing but a black top and grey sweats. his favorite look on you, call him basic, he’s a sucker for you in almost anything anyway.

“just the dough. we have cream cheese and vanilla and everything else, just not the dough. i’m just buying one that’s ready to be in the oven.”

“hm? why not from scratch?”

“you think i want to do all that?” you ask like you’re offended.

minho pauses, staring at you as the two of you keep walking. he knows you mean well, yet it starts to dawn on him that you’re tired. you’re stressing with all the responsibilities and obligations you have on your shoulders. it’s been a week or two since you’ve actually even had an evening off. it’s almost the end of february, the weather is still chilly and he finds himself walking closer to you for warmth.

“you could’ve rested tonight,” he says softly, staring at the pavement as the two of you walk.

you sigh, “if i didn’t spend time with your or any of the members i would’ve been memorizing more of my script.”

minho’s heart sinks. you want an escape. yet, the thought of that warms him up at the same time.

“sorry… i do appreciate you spending your time with me,” he says, remembering your laugh from earlier when you smeared frosting on his face.

you pause, looking over at him. “is the lee minho saying something nice?”

“you know what-“ and minho turns around to walk the way the two of had came from.

“wha- hey!” you laugh and grab his arm, trying to pull him back but due to the lack of strength into it, he drags you instead.

minho knows you know he’s playing, still he would’ve liked it if you put in your strength and-

you yank him back and spin him around. he stumbles and falls into your chest. unsure of how he ended up in this position, he freezes. you wrap your arms around him, engulfing his slightly smaller frame into your body. for a moment, minho forgot how chilly it is.

“i’m fine, minho.” you say softly, “don’t worry about me, okay? let’s just do what we always do…”

minho swallows, the worry he’s been hiding coming to the surface. “okay.” he says in defeat, realizing he would’ve argued for you to get more rest and take care of yourself.

but he knows you. you don’t really like having people worry over you… it’s some sort of mental thing you have. you care for him because he understands you.

without another comment, the two of you go to the grocery and get what you need. you also spoil him. he knows you’ll never say no to him either. most of the time that he asks for anything is just to mess with you.

“can i get that?” and it would be a weird drink with a flavor you’ve never seen or heard.

“that?” and it’d be a random fruit.

“that too?” and it’d be a bag of your favorite chips.

“oh, i want that too.” and it’d be something he doesn’t need, like a pretty plate.

“we should get that.” and he finally just holds up two push pops.

at the end of the day he’s preening at how you always spend on him on stuff as useless as a plant that no one would have time to take care of. it happened before and you playfully held a grudge about it. to the fans it’s a funny grudge you still hold but the members know you’re playing about it.

“blegh, that’s disgusting,” you grimace as you spit out what you just tasted.

minho laughs evilly, enjoying your expression after tasting the drink he had chosen. this time you two are taking a different route back to the dorms. it’s safer to never go the same path twice in one day in case of sasaengs.

“i think it’s okay,” he lies, taking another sip.

“liar,” you huff.

he shrugs, chugging it down and throwing it in the nearest trash can. there’s a bus stop coming up, he notices your face on a poster. without a comment, he jogs up to it, coming face to face with it. you catch up, finding your spot next to him. you stare at the poster, not really caring for it but wondering what has minho so intrigued.

“you kissed her already?” he asks, soft and almost… actually you can’t make out that tone.

before him, is a large poster of you and gayoung, you’re holding her face, extremely close to your own. lips almost touching, actually he thinks they are touching, he just doesn’t want to believe it. he knows you’re bound to kiss at some point but.. already? her hands are comfortably on your chest and her eyes look up at you with the most enamored eyes ever.

“yeah, they wanted something raw for the posters, so we… kinda made out before almost pulling away and that’s how they got that shot.”

minho nods, “looks like you liked it too.” he says, mustering as much of a playful tease as he can.

you seemed to have believed it, “awe hell nah, i’m just doing what i’m getting paid for. oh! i think hyunjin is really going to love the poster designs though, cus see how under us kissing is a blended out scope of water with a boat and cherry trees? the scenery is beautiful for this drama, i think you guys would enjoy that more.”

he simply nods, eyeing gayoung’s enamored expression one more time before looking at your face on the poster. where she looks lovestruck and soft, your eyes seem like they’re burning with protection and desire. as if she was yours.

“yeah,” he says, looking away. “i’m sure we will..”

and no, he’s not jealous. that’s…. he swallows and clutches the push pop in his hand, that’s not what it is.

things are strange.

maybe you wouldn’t have noticed if seungmin didn’t point it out. the nine of you were recording an ep of family skz. you were the single uncle and the gag was that you and jisung liked lina.

“doesn’t minho look like gayoung with that wig?” you joke to hyunjin while on a small break from shooting.

“watch it, he’ll probably not talk to you for sure if he heard that,” seungmin says from behind.

“huh?” you turn to seungmin, unsure of why he sounded dead serious.

hyunjin snorts, “mm, for real. he’s already distant with you.”

“eh?” you turn to hyunjin now.

what are they on about?

“ever since the first trailer came out, he’s been ignoring you. said something about you being too busy to talk.”

that’s weird, just yesterday minho left an energy drink (your favorite one too) on your nightstand when you woke up to start your day. it’s strange, he indeed has not talked to you but he interacts with you in a different, silent way.

when recording starts back up, you try to interact with lina’s character but she (read:he) blatantly ignores you. at some point you complain to seungmin.

“yah, your wife isn’t being very respectful, she won’t answer me.”

“and why should i talk to anyone other than my husband?” lina sneers, leaning near seungmin.

seungmin blinks, “my wife is a free spirit.”

everyone laughs. later, as you’re all playing some sort of game of hide and seek (technically it’s two people blindfolded and everyone avoids getting hit with a wooden spoon). seungmin and hyunjin are the ones being blindfolded, you quickly jump over the couch to make it to the other side when hyunjin swings towards you. minho, who was running from seungmin bumps into you.

“oops-“ minho goes but slaps a hand over his mouth when seungmin spins around at the sound.

he pushes you further, so that you two could avoid getting caught. you look down at his pretty face as he pushes you to the wall and the two of you stand in the corner. he looks up at you and you can’t help but smile.

he narrows his eyes at you before looking away. you just keep staring at him.

the shooting continues and at the end the timer goes out and only hyunjin couldn’t catch anyone. seungmin caught two people, jeongin and you. you because lina had the nerve to make a sound and push you towards seungmin. you couldn’t really be upset, because the way he batted his pretty lashes at you as he basically handed you over to seungmin is something you engraved into your brain.

after the shooting you had to quickly change out of your prop clothes and pack up your things to go to the drama shooting site. it’s around noon already, minho watches you from afar as you rush to get your things while your manager fills in the other manager about the day’s schedule.

and that’s how you’ve lived the past week and a half. here and there. from one site to another. from one van to another. barely eating and resting. although you eat good portions when you do get the chance to eat. you needed to maintain your body after all.

he watches how everyone bids you farewell. he wants to as well, but the guilt of liking you more than as a friend makes him stop in his tracks. he settles to grab his pack and pack up his bag and any other things he had taken out. he makes sure his charger is there, his water bottle-

he freezes when an arm wraps around him and a body presses against his side.

“bye, min,” you say softly, “see you tomorrow at practice.”

he looks over at you, eyes slightly wide. now, up close after days of seeing you from a distance. “bye.. will you make it on time to practice?”

you think as you let him go, “i think so, i hope so.” you smile at him.

his heart churns, you still do your best to look lively despite how tired you are.

“okay, see you tomorrow,” he says.

and you go on to your next schedule.

he doesn’t get to see you at practice. the choreographer isn’t very happy about it, everyone's a little tense from his bitter mood. he even goes as far as rechecking with the manager if you’ll be performing the promotions with them. minho can’t help but imagine the pressure you have.

after about four hours of practice, you barge in. your manager trailing behind and giving both the groups manager and choreographer a rundown of the tardiness.

“i know you have things to do but when you’re in the practice room please do everything you can to do what you’re in here for,” the choreographer says gently, but everyone knows it’s passive aggressive.

you don’t look happy either, minho knows you. so after two hours of straight practice, you’re all finally given a break. you indeed did catch up, minho admires how determined you are. there’s just so many things he loves and appreciates about you.

“did recording not go well?” he asks softly as he sits next to you on the floor.

everyone is spread about, either laying on the floor or sitting.

your eyes are narrow, a sign that you’re in a bitter mood. “yeah, the other main cast kept messing up and we had to redo so many shots. me and gayoung got behind because of them, like-“

and you rant, your frustration evident. you’re tired, hungry, annoyed- of course you’re not happy. plus the choreographer’s bitter mood, you’re just not catching a break at all.

minho really can’t stay away from you. as much as he feels the conviction to keep distance due to these burning emotions, he just can’t.

“what was the scene you had to redo?”

“it’s too many of them, but the main one was where me and gayoung had to-“

“okay time’s up!” the choreographer yells out as he comes back.

“i’ll tell you later,” you say exhaustedly while getting up.

you don’t get to tell minho later. the choreographer makes you stay back two more hours to practice without the others. minho was reluctant, trying to talk to the choreographer to stay back with felix to help out but he was shut down. you reassured him that you’ll be fine.

you always are.

when you finally go back to the dorms, you’re on the verge of passing out. you like hygiene, but tonight you had no strength left in you. you don’t brush your teeth, you don’t shower. you just plop down on your bed after setting your alarm. sleep consumes you immediately, the discomfort of your skin sticky from sweat gone in an instant.

your alarm rings five hours later, your eyelids are heavy. you groan, whining into your pillow before forcefully pushing yourself off your bed. it’s 4 in the morning. you have to leave for the site at 5:30.

you rush around, grabbing your clothes before hopping into the shower. finally, you wash off last nights sweat, you brush your teeth and wash your face harshly to wake up. cold water wakes you up, but also makes you get so sleepy after you get out. still, you have a long day ahead of you.

it’s 5:20 when you finally get out your room. your backpack is bouncing off your back as you rush out to the kitchen. you stocked up in energy drinks two days ago-

“ah, minho,” you say, startled to see him at the fridge.

he perks up and closes the fridge. “i made you food… you should eat something before leaving-“

“the van will be here in,” you glance down at your watch, “8 minutes.”

“then take it and finish it in the van,” he argues, walking to the table and handing you the bowl of rice and sausage-

you stare at the plate before looking at him. “you made… octopus sausage?”

he shrugs, ignoring that you were implying how cute the act is. he could have just fried the sausage as it is but he went out of the way to make them look cute.

you smile, exhausted but touched by the action. “thanks min… i’ll see you.”

“you’re okay though?” he asks.

“huh?” you look at him confused as you shove an octopus sausage in your mouth.

while you chew, he explains, ignoring how cute you look with your mouth stuffed. “the first episode is airing today, meaning your on the final episodes of the season… you’ve been more at the site and practice room and studio than here…”

you stand up straight, looking away. “yeah i’m good… after recording is over i’ll be fully focused on our comeback…”

“y/n, you have like what, five episodes left? by the time we have our comeback you’ll still have two left… how are you fitting that?”

“i got it! i promise,” you assure before your phone rings. “ah, shit i gotta go- bye! thanks for the food!”

he sighs and watches you dash out.

weeks pass by, he sees you during the showcases. he sees how you rarely engage with anyone during behind the scenes. all he sees is a hollow shell acting in every part of life. you practiced until late at night. you're in a whole separate van. you have no life for a solid month. the exhaustion is so evident in you, everyone is worried. minho especially.

the drama is a hit. he knows so, hyunjin won’t shut up about it.

“yah, i know you like it but i think y/n is tired of hearing it,” he says annoyed.

hyunjin stops talking. he becomes guilty when you look over at minho and him from the chair where the stylist is getting you ready.

“it’s fine, min, i know the drama is good, i’m in it after all.” you joke.

minho stares at you. you’re so…. ugh he hates that he likes you. he just wants to hug you and cherish you and help you find rest in him. even when you’re in such a state you muster up jokes.

everyone sees those qualities of yours.

whenever he walks down the halls of the showcase buildings, idols and staff alike chat about you. if not you, then the drama. if not the drama, then the comeback.

he’s standing before a vending machine, waiting for the energy drink to drop, when he hears a giggle from beside.

“yah… s/n-sunbaenim looks very close with gayoung-ssi. i heard they have feelings for each other.”

“stop! i wouldn’t be surprised! at the press conference they looked so enchanted with each other!”

“plus they sat together! she wouldn’t stop accidentally touching his hand!”

the two girls squeal with excitement at the thought. minho’s brain goes blank just as the drink drops into the deposit.

“here,” he says with a brute tone as he hands you the energy drink.

“huh? oh, thanks you didn’t have to…” you trail off as he walks away.

that’s… strange. you stare at his figure before looking down at the can. minho felt different just now, but you quickly discard the worry.

minho wastes no time to check blogs when he’s in the van that takes them to the dorms. he’s tired but his curiosity is burning. indeed, after minutes of searching and looking, he finds pictures and videos that only fuel the rumor further. gayoung looks beautiful next to you. a clip of you taking out a peck of lint from her hair before a photoshoot that was done before the press conference. the way you smiled at her cheekily when she’d brush her fingers against yours when she’d go for the mic you two shared.

the way she’d chat with you and make you laugh.

when was the last time he had made you laugh?

your dynamic with her seems so much as what yours is- was with him.

and minho is reminded once more, how much potential you and gayoung have together.

🏷️ TAG LIST — @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @gnusihcom

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[the-gay-trashmouth]

I think something that's bothers me about how folks talk about mouthwashing is how they talk about Swansea. It's either "Swansea would have killed Jimmy immediately if Anya had told him" or "he knew and he did nothing just like curly." because, to me at least it leaves out a lot of nuance to his character and situation. Curly and Swansea are really good foils to each other, one who's got a reputation for being the kind and helpful captain but in the end does nothing to truly protect the crew from Jimmy, and one who's gruff, harsh, and cruel but genuinely tries to help in the background, the reliable mechanic.

(read more for a long Mouthwashing character ramble tw for unwanted pregnancy and SA)

Because Curly is the one with the power. He doesn't take what Jimmy did seriously enough. And you can say that he might not have known fully what Jimmy did, but I think the "I told you" pregnancy conversation and his reaction to Jimmy right before the crash ("come on we'll get through this together. We'll figure it out, you've had hard times before-") are indicators that he knew, but he still chose to stick by his friend and treat it like a "mistake" rather than what it really was.

Now that's my own personal speculation of course, there's no outright scene of her telling him "your best friend assaulted me", but I think there's enough evidence in game through Anya and Curlys interactions to say that he knew, and he knew before Anaya knew she was pregnant. He had a fully functioning ship and four fully functional cryo-pods. He could have at least given Anya more security, kept her far away from him, and at most forced him into the cryopod until they got back to earth. Jimmy STILL had full, uncontrolled access to the cockpit AFTER his freakout with curly. AFTER Anya tells curly she doesn't feel safe with him. AFTER Curly finds out he raped Anya. He's so focused on seeing the good in his friend that he does NOTHING to protect Anya, doesn't strip away not one of Jimmy powers as copilot and consequently endangers her and the rest of the crew.

Curly was the captain, he had the power to relegate Jimmy to the fucking storage closet if he really wanted, at least put him in the cryopod until they got back to earth. In fact, he was the only person above Jimmy in terms of rank on the ship, but he chose to do nothing. He chose to let Jimmy continue as acting co-pilot, chose to comfort him rather than actually confront him. Slides off his weird sexual comments as jokes "So what's this about horses?"

Now let's compare that to Swansea, the mechanic.

We don't have any evidence that Swansea knew about what Jimmy did until after the crash ("it's been her telling me things") where they were trapped with no captain, barely any rations, and a single cryopod that he kept hidden away in the one room he had the key too (and the only room that could lead into medbay). He didn't use it for himself, he makes it clear he didn't intend on getting off this hunk of metal in his last few conversations with Jimmy.

Swansea as the ship's mechanic, was used to fixing things in the background. He didn't need to get along with anyone to keep the ship running, he didn't need people to like him to keep them safe. We see that with Daisuke. He's harsh on him, for sure, but he leaves constant notes to help him learn. Genuinely tries to keep him out of harm's way when it comes to more dangerous jobs. We know Anya was scared of Jimmy getting a weapon, she hid the gun case in the medical bay even knowing she would never get it open. We can see Swansea and Anya off on their own towards the first days after the crash, and Swansea still has a tight grip of the axe weeks and months later.

I personally think that was him trying to keep Jimmy from having access to a weapon. The only time Jimmy gets the axe while Swansea is alive is when Anya Specifically asks him to use it to get medical supplies. I don't think that's a coincidence.

Swansea, like any good mechanic, was quietly trying to keep things running out of Jimmy's sight. It's not until everyone is dead or dying that he snaps, that he finally takes direct action. But it was too little too late.

Both Curly and Swansea thought they were doing the right thing, helping in their own way. Curly genuinely wanted to see the good in Jimmy, wanted it to just be some challenge they could overcome, but in doing so he failed to see the monster right in front of him. He had all the power (in context of the crew, the company is a whole other can of worms I have so many other thoughts on), but he was too afraid to use it. Hell, he was DISCOURAGED to use it if the memo about HR complaints are anything to go by. Swansea, on the other hand, never trusted Jimmy, never even really liked him, but he didn't want to make anything worse either. He didn't know what would actually set Jimmy off, or what he was capable of, and aside from just straight up killing him what else could he do that wouldn't just push Jimmy further off the edge? Like with the foam. "One wrong move and you'll rip this ship a new asshole", he worked carefully, hiding the last pod from Jimmy, keeping the only other weapon on himself, guarding the only other entrance into Medbay, but Jimmy was escalating quickly. He underestimated how far Jimmy was willing to go, just like Curly had, and in the end suffered the consequences.

The only character who actually understood how dangerous and unstable Jimmy was is Anya. She knew the moment she found out she was pregnant he would hurt her ("you won't let me protect myself"). He wouldn't be able to take it, he would do something drastic. She knew he was escalating the longer they were stranded. Anya is the only crew member who truly understood how dangerous Jimmy was and took direct action.

And interesting thing to me is that she doesn't just kill herself. She locks herself in the medbay. She could have waited for Jimmy to sleep, or locked herself in the cockpit, but she locked herself in the medbay with Curly. She knows that with her gone there would be no one left to take care of him, she knew Jimmy would continue to escalate his abuse, and with her gone all of his anger and fear and guilt would turn on Curly.

And wouldn't you know it? She was right. Without Anya to stop him, he takes curly out of the bed, forces him upright into the cryopod, and forces a man with no skin, no arms, no legs, and infected tissues to be frozen for 20 years while the rest of his crew Rot. And that's only what we know to be reality- if any of his delusions had some basis in reality he could have done so so much more. Anya is the Only one to take reasonable, direct action to keep herself, and then Curly, safe.

But she didn't have enough power over Jimmy to truly protect herself. She didn't have the code to the gun case, she didn't have a weapon or a rank to fall back on. She was outnumbered by men who she knew from experience either wouldn't or couldn't keep her safe, and she was heavily pregnant with a baby she didn't want and most likely couldn't even get enough nutrients to sustain either her or the fetus. She was physically weakened and trapped in a stranded ship with her abuser with no way home and a medical miracle (curse) in Curly.

This game is a really good reflection of reality, in my opinion as an abuse survivor. Some people will see them as "one of the boys" and constantly excuse or downplay their actions (Curly), some people will do small things in the background, recognize the abuse and disprove, but don't want to get in the way or make things worse (Swansea), and some people are just straight up oblivious/naive (Daisuke). But in the end, it's the system that allows abuse and incentives coverups to keep peace or save face that really allows abuse to fester and escalate.

Which is why I personally have a problem with the idea that Anya should have just Told A Different Man because it ignores the very real chain of power and her own agency in her story, AS WELL AS the idea that Swansea and Diasuke knew but didn't care because that's just not reflective of real life. Not every man is some rapist apologist who doesn't care what abusers do until it happens to them, some people just don't know what to do, or don't have any good options that wouldn't result in further abuse. Hell some people just don't even fucking notice! Not everyone has had exposure to the signs or knows what to look for.

It's easy when looking at fictional depictions of abuse to say "well if I was there I would have just punched him/killed him/called the police" but real life, in that moment, its never going to be clear cut. You can call out abuse, but that might just lead to that abuser taking it out on their abuse victim later. They could even start to target you for daring to speak out, or try to hurt you and cut you off from the person being abused. You can know all the right steps and the right programs, but in the moment, when faced with a real situation where someone could get hurt or even killed? You stumble. You think things over, you don't try and make any direct moves that would set their abusers off. Sometimes that's a good instinct, and sometimes that just lets abuse escalate. It's never a good situation, and it's never actually anyone's fault but the abusers. And this way of thinking also conveniently leaves out the survivor of this abuse, and portrays them as someone who needs to be saved, rather than someone who needs support and resources to save themselves. It also very conveniently lets the company that Put Anya in this situation in the first place get off Scott free.

The solution isn't "oh one of the men on board should have personally killed Jimbo and saved Anya all by himself" its "Anya deserved the support of her crewmates instead of being forced into close proximity with her rapist and also maybe Jimmy shouldn't have access to the fucking controls or medbay or any weapons- AND ALSO the crew shouldn't have financial incentives not to report things to HR"

[theesteppenwolf]

Some thoughts on Inner Demons

So i have been thinking about this and i do actually like the idea that Lucanis can't have Rook exist in his mind prison because it fucks up his entire inner narrative of basically just self flagellation. "If rook exists then at some point i have to get out" so just delete rook from the scenario. I think that's really good.

However, i think it would've been better if a part of Lucanis actually was trying to get out, at least involuntarily, and that Rook was the personification of that idea, constantly trying to break himself out but ultimately failing. So ''Rook'' exists somewhere in there but is heavily suppressed. That's why Spite seeks real life Rook out. Not to mention that even if not romanced Rook is pretty much the closest person he has at that point, his only other true friend he's had beside Illario so it makes even more sense for them to be this comforting idea he just can't accept fully.

So you see glimpses of Rook, the sound of their voice, or maybe more notes about them, especially if you are romancing him it seems like a big waste of an opportunity to not utilize Rook for a bigger showing of his inner struggle and fear to try and live some kind of life.

The Neve thing is a bit weird when romancing him, i do understand this complaint and the way Spite phrases it does come off as romantic interest specific to her. I think Neve should absolutely stay as both her and Lucanis seem like good friends regardless of romance but it would've been been better (if the player is romancing Lucanis) for Neve to maybe use Lucanis' feelings for Rook against them here. Implying guilt about Rook, leading them on etc. rather than make it specifically about Neve.

There are plenty of little things like this that would make the quest a bit more impactful overall because this is a pretty short quest for something that is essentially meant to be a psychological deep dive into Lucanis. Just more notes and those reworked Neve lines would make it more way more immersive to the player.

In my opinion this should've been a way bigger and more important part of his personal quest, i think they should've really leaned into the whole ''fighting to get him out of his own head'' idea. Adding things like Lucanis' actual memories of Caterina as the abuser she was and moments of genuine brotherly love Lucanis has for Illario. It would've also made up for the fact that you don't learn anything very personal about him the entire game.

Listen, I have whole rewrites to how his personal quest should've gone, it's really my roman empire at this point. This quest is such a good way for Rook to get real vulnerability from him that wouldn't've shown up in real life due to his introverted and closed off nature.

Again my conclusion of Lucanis being a very scraped up character continues as i find my ideas to be pretty easy to come up with implementations for the kind of thing they are trying to pull of in this specific mission.

But oh well, so it goes. Kind of got rambly for a minute there, thank you kindly for reading :P

[tevantarlos]

Unpopular Opinion 911 - et all

I'm a bisexual woman and I've known that I'm bisexual since I was 11 years old. I legitimately am attracted to both men and women.

I've been watching 911 since 2 months after season 1 ended in 2018. I got into the show for Bathena and have loved them ever since.

I keep seeing people complaining on the official show pages about how Athena abuses her authority as a cop, and while they're not wrong, they're also blowing things way out of proportion. I'm pretty sure the people saying that have never watched the NBC show Chicago PD, because if you compare what Athena's done, to what Voight on Chicago PD has done, you'd know that the stuff she's done has been pretty tame. On Chicago PD: 1. Voight has locked people up in a cage and literally tortured them for information.

2. He has killed people for revenge. He killed the guy who killed his son, Justin. He killed the guy or people who killed Al. There are probably even more occurrences than that, but these are the one's that mainly come to mind for me.

3. He literally threatened Matt Casey, Hallie Thomas, and Gabby Dawson, when his dumbass son, Justin, was on drugs and caused an accident which paralyzed someone, because they could report Justin to other police who would've actually locked Justin's stupid ass up. I get that Voight was trying to protect his kid, but that doesn't make this shit okay. Also, it's weird as hell that Antonio worked with Voight for 6 years. How the hell did Antonio not kill Voight for threatening his sister's life? That's garbage.

4. He literally stole money and drugs from criminals.

5. He has threatened his detective's lives on more than one occasion, and not in some way to make sure they are more careful and protect themselves, but as a legit threat.

Returning to my 911 thoughts.

Oliver Stark has claimed that he's been playing Buck as bisexual the entire time. No, he has not. He just wants the clicks and attention from pretending that this has been happening all along. Buck has had no interest in men until season 7 and the BuckTommy storyline happened.

The episode of Lone Star that's the crossover, doesn't prove Buck is bi. He wasn't flirting with TK, it was a misunderstanding on TK's part. Buck is literally confused when TK says that he's with someone, as he wasn't flirting with TK, he was only inviting TK to come to LA as a friend to hang out. Buck says on the show that he's checked out hot guy's asses before. He hasn't done that in canon. It's one of many things that they claim is canon, but isn't because it happened off screen. He has literally been obsessed with women from the first time we see him, until Tommy returns in season 7.

Buck can't even say that he's bisexual on the show. He hasn't done any research, when he used to research everything. He hasn't spoken to people like Hen, Karen, or even Josh in depth about his feelings for men. There was one scene, right before the relationship ended, where he talked to Josh, which didn't even amount to anything and was just a waste of time since they made Tommy OOC and broke up with Buck. Hell, he (Buck) didn't even know after 6 months that Tommy was gay and not any other identity.

All this to say, 911, TM, OS, they don't genuinely give a shit about Buck, his supposed bisexuality, Tommy, or even the other main characters on the show. From one episode to the next, they have them say one thing and then retcon it right after. The whole Buck is bi thing was a hoax. They just wanted to attract the gay and bisexual crowd back to the show since Henren and Josh haven't been getting that much screentime, and Buck and OS are like the golden child of the show. People think he's an idiot, but that he's a sweet idiot, who can do no wrong. As I stated above, I started watching 911 before season 2 even aired. I don't like the way the show is handling their characters and storylines and I'm finally getting tired of the shitty writing. I love Bathena, I love Henren, I love Madney, I loved BuckTommy. However, if Tommy is thrown aside like yesterday's trash and Buck moves on, only to fuck a bunch of women and/or men with the excuse of exploring his sexuality, I will be checking out and dropping the show.

I like Buck's character, but he's not the reason I watch the show. He's also not enough to keep me watching. Henren are constantly being threatened to have their kids taken away. Bathena is constantly put in crazy life or death situations that end in some super unrealistic way: Kid landing a plane, remember? Madney don't have anything interesting going on. Literally, all they have going on, is that they're having another kid. Eddie has spent years obsessed with his dead wife, Josh hasn't had much of a plot in years, since the only boyfriend he's had on the show was some homophobic jackass who lied and said he was gay, so that he could beat Josh up.

May is gone, Harry is gone, Sue is gone, Carla is gone, Chris is gone. All the side characters that helped make the show a little interesting, is gone. The found family dynamic is lacking or entirely absent this season. Also, making the point to show Tommy sad and longing for a family, only for him to end up sad and alone, doesn't make me want to keep watching this show.

I think I'm finished bitching for now. I know that my thoughts are all over the place, but I've kept my mouth shut on how I feel about OS and Buck's bisexuality, this whole time, but now I'm finally going to fully speak up.

As always, I know many or even most people aren't going to agree with me and that's fine. This is just my feelings and opinion on the show.

[dallasgallant]

The whole “going soc” thing is taken from a few small lines of the musical, and I agree, I think we’ve really gotten away from the context of class divide. I’d loooove to hear your thoughts on the difference between “the only thing keeping him from being a soc is us” and “going soc”

It makes it seem like they’re in middle school treating it like a ‘cool kids club’ or a more formal thing than they are and it weirds me out a little bit.

It sort of diminishes Soc’s too to just being “popular” when they’re particularly socialites! They’re young but of the super rich variety, being popular doesn’t make you a Soc. Just as getting jumped or looked down on doesn’t make you a Greaser. It’s more than that!

Darry was popular in high school, he was well liked and had a bunch of friends. Even Paul. That was sort of the thing about him was he was really that guy™️ everyone liked, he got good grades, behaved and got along. That’s not soc behavior if anything that’s “middle class” behavior… that’s being some guy.

I can understand the context for “going soc” is likely emotionally charged but it feels like something that’d be easier for a soc to say someone’s “going greaser” or “slumming it” by dressing out or the norm or having a emotional outburst. And it makes sense as there’s a superficiality to them and the friend groups they form are conditional (not status asXYZ)

In contrast “the only thing keeping him from being a soc” is something that’s in reference to Darry’s nebulous future. That the gang— at least two bit— on some level all think they’re holding Darry back from getting out of poverty. Getting an education. A while collar job etc.

Now that isn’t exactly the case either, in the book and movie Collage is only ever a “could have”… something they couldn’t afford to send him to even with scholarships and if he found a way he’d still have to work through. It’s more the idea that he could have than a genuine actual chance of getting out. They don’t literally mean him being a Soc.

He’ll always be a greaser just like he’s always been a part of the gang/the leader. He’s a part of their friend group and a poor kid from the east/north side. (In that even if he hypothetically made it $ wise he’d still be a friend/family)

[beachy--head]

Drabble, japril, season 8, based on a silly idea that keeps popping up every time I rewatch this scene.

___

Zola Shepherd is one adorable baby.

April’s living with her and her parents, so she has a front-row seat to all things Zola, but as she watches Meredith enters the room with the little girl in her arms for her first birthday party, she’s reminded of how cute the little girl can be.

“Hey, girl!”

“Look who didn’t just wake up, uh?”

Next to her, Jackson seems under the little girl’s spell too, and it’s a sweet thing to witness. It’s not a surprise, because even Alex softens when she’s around, but she still enjoys watching her best friend interact with their friend’s daughter. 

“Look at you! You look so beautiful, look at that bow!”

She would gladly spend her entire evening playing with Zola (parties, even for a child’s birthday, aren’t completely her scene). But Meredith, having spotted Dr. Webber, is quick to move, and April is left with a kind of longing she mostly gets after phone calls with her mother (Karen Kepner is, not surprisingly, a big proponent of having as many grandchildren as possible). Maybe that’s why she shakes her head and speaks before she can think.

“Uuugh, I want one.”

“Not tonight, honey, I’m tired.”

Jackson looks way too proud of his stupid joke, so she swats him.

“Hey!”

“You’re watching too many Friends re-runs.”

“It’s because Zola kept everyone up all night last week when she was teething. We don’t all sleep with earplugs, like someone.”

“You would, if your room was next to Alex’s, which is another reason I need to move. And I wouldn’t wear them if I was taking care of a child.”

“I would. I need my beauty sleep.”

She resists the urge to swat him again, because he’s being impossible today, but opts to pick up on what he just said, because they’ve never really discussed this topic before.

“Hey, you want children in the future?” 

“One day, maybe. Though I don’t know how I’d fare as a dad.”

Jackson complains all the time about his mother (April doesn’t know why, because she still mourns the day she had to unfriend her on Facebook, per her best friend’s forceful request), but he never talks about his father. Up until a drunken night a few months ago, where he mentioned briefly that his father left them and the Avery legacy, April was not even sure if the man was still alive, and there never seemed to be a good moment to ask. She doesn’t need to know his whole family history to give her opinion on that subject, though.

“What? You’d be brilliant. Zola adores you, and all the kids you treat in peds love you. Well, their moms do, too. But mostly the kids. You know how to talk to them without patronizing them.”

Jackson shrugs, a shrug that frustrates her, because God forbid Jackson Avery should accept a genuine compliment about himself. He acts like she’s just said these things to flatter him and not because she genuinely meant what she said.  

“You want kids too, right?”

Redirecting the conversation is another classic Avery move, but she lets it slide for now, because she doesn’t want to argue with him, not when they’re at a party and he seems so relaxed.

“Absolutely. Though, for that, you kind of need to find a partner first, and it’s not like I have a vast array of choice here.”

He opens his mouth to answer, but she cuts him off.

“Please tell me you’re not about to say something cliché like any guy would be lucky to have me. Or suggest that we should do one of these pacts when if we’re both single by the time we’re 33, we have a baby together.”

He chuckles.

“I wasn’t, but hey, it worked for Sloan and Torres. Also, not to brag, but with our genes combined? That kid would be so good-looking. And hella smart.”

April smiles at his assessment, and adds her own input. 

“And… So incredibly stubborn.”

She can’t help but chuckle, trying to imagine a baby Jackson refusing to do what is asked, and a weird, warm feeling spreads through her body.

“And bossy.”

“Hey!”

“What? It’s a good quality. When not aimed at me. Helped you become Chief resident.”

“Yeah, because Averys aren’t bossy at all. Have you met your mother?”

He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows, an acknowledgment that the Kepner genes wouldn’t be entirely to blame for this, and it makes her think of something else.

“Your mom would so buy them their first doctor coat on their first birthday.”

“First birthday? Try at birth. Their spot at Mass Gen would be reserved from the first sonogram. Surgery specialty chosen at 2. Also, you’re one to talk. Your parents would buy them a pony.”

“No they wouldn't! Well, first a cat. Then a dog.”

“And then…?”

“Okay, probably a pony.”

They both stay silent, contemplating a life with tiny tornadoes running everywhere, bolstered by extravagant gifts given by two very different, but equally frightening, sets of grandparents, and she can actually fell herself shudder.  

“... Yeah, we can never have kids together.”

“Right? I’m going to make an appointment for a vasectomy right away.”

He laughs when she rolls her eyes, and goes to refill his drink, still chuckling. 

She’s always thought of children as an abstract matter, something she definitely wants (two boys, one girl, with a boy first, then the girl, and a little brother to round them up), but has never actually truly pictured, because it felt so far away in her future, a “someday” thing she has never been close to reaching. But for a few seconds, she lets herself smile at the idea of a mischievous, curious toddler with curly hair and green eyes, full of life and quick-witted, a sight so real she could almost see it. A few more seconds, and she shakes her head, chasing the vision away, and follows Jackson on a quest to find something to drink. 

[aithusarosekiller]

Honestly we need to make more GENUINE enemies to lovers Jegulus content

With so so much emphasis on the enemies to the point where it's practically enemies AND lovers

The type where they're so damn evil to each other that you question whether them getting together breaks some sort of moral code but at the same time you can't help but wait for them to angrily kiss.

They're calling each other the most horrific, offensive names and doing everything they can to get a rise out of each other. They're using one another to turn their friends against them. They're getting in physical fights (so much tension there it's sickening) and they're just straight up vile constantly.

They NEVER EVER shut up about how much they hate one another, they'll both search each other out in order to cause some form of damage to either property or the person. Whenever they need to let off some steam they pick a fight because it's become habit. It goes on for years.

When they eventually get together it's with so much resentment. They almost definitely accidentally confess or kiss in the middle of a fight and it only increases the anger on both sides. So now they're both aware that they're into each other but they refuse to step down and say they like each other because 'he's still so infuriating and his ego is too big already, I can't let him think he's hot and worth being around' so they pretend it never happened and keep 'hating' each other. Over the next few weeks they will be literally clinging so desperately to each other like they can't bear to be apart while whispering hatred to each other looking like they want to kill each other. And it isn't that there's a weird coercion thing with a power imbalance, they're both equal, they're just annoying little violent shits.

It only mostly dulls with time. They're 6 years into their relationship planning their wedding while cuddling up in bed and have to pause to insult each other's taste, looks, and personality, fight over literally nothing and bring up times from the past that they managed to get one up on the other, then smile sweetly and have a tiny little gentle kiss before going back to planning. Their petnames consist of 'fuckface' 'foureyes' 'ugly cow' and 'wankstain' and they're used intermittently with 'baby' 'lover' 'babydoll' 'my heart' and ANY other cringe ass name you can think of. Duality. Idk just James potter saying babydoll to the person he just accused of being a lying, money-hungry, ugly, disrespectful whore is so him.

Any normal reasonable stranger would be so worried about how unhealthy and toxic it is but they're just so used to hating each other that it's become a love language. A way to express themselves and reminisce together. They know they love each other but it's just fun to pretend they don't, there are boundaries since they got together but they never really talk about them bc they know what they are and not to cross them.

[knight-says-nanana]

An analysis on Ed’s comic childhood, how that impacted his OCD*, and how that translated to the Gotham TV show

Alternatively: GTV Ed’s Biography

*(and also how it very clearly gave him cptsd but they don’t explicitly Say that bc DC is full of cowards)

Normally I’d say comics don’t impact tv continuity, especially for a show like Gotham where so many things are changed, but the thing is? Cory Michael Smith specifically went out of his way to read the riddler comics when he accepted the role of Ed Nygma. He acted accordingly and did an amazing job trying to salvage the show’s poor writing. There are many tiny moments where he does things that reference Ed’s typical backstory despite the show, in all its 5 seasons, never bringing it up

Childhood wise there are typically two widely accepted routes

1 - his mom was around but neglectful and off her head with drugs n alcohol

2 - his mom left when he was a toddler due to not being able to handle his father anymore, which kinda kickstarted the abuse being focused onto Ed instead

I will be continuing this analysis with #2 because it is the most popular and explains his abandonment issues

Comic Based Childhood

So this guy basically grew up with Only his father. His father who is a dumbass, an alcoholic, blames Ed for his mother leaving, incredibly abusive physically, and couldn’t accept that 1) his kid is smarter than him or that 2) a kid so Weird cough traumatized and neurodivergent cough is anything but an idiot

A major sticking point was that he always thought Ed was lying, constantly, about everything. This will be important later.

And when Ed finally started going to school and getting A’s?? Yeah no Obviously he had to have been cheating so Mr Nashton just got More angry with him. Could Ed have dropped his grades on purpose to avoid this? Yeah. Did he? Absolutely not. Academic success was the one thing he could be proud of and the only thing that gave him any sort of praise or validation. He was clinging to it for dear life.

No matter the universe, this is a guy who craves attention.

There is difference between academic success and school life itself, because Ed is awkward n dorky n, especially at this point in time, anxious n quiet. So he didn’t have friends. In fact it’s usually written as either him having been bullied or being ignored entirely

The boy was not doing ok at all. So understandably he ran away as soon as possible and changed his name.

Now, this is the first point where Gotham’s canon ties into this in a Very interesting way

We know Ed’s official birth year from the ID card in the show. It’s canon. In season one he is 26. We know this. And it’s is insane for a few reasons!!

He is So Much Younger than his coworkers holy shit

Bullock is old enough to be his dad and he’s not nice, no wonder Ed doesn’t like him

He works in forensics. At 26. And he’s implied to have been working there a year or two before Jim joined the precinct.

Now, I had GENUINELY assumed that he was in his 30s like Jim. BECAUSE HE WORKS IN FORENSICS. But no he’s just actually a botched Spencer Reid because he’s 26 in season one.

A degree in forensic science takes 4 years.

If you want a masters it’s an extra 2 years.

Factoring in the time he would’ve needed to spend interning and working just to QUALIFY for a job at the GCPD???

If we assume he ran away n got into college at age 17 and got his bachelor's he’d be 21 by the time he graduated, 23 if he got his masters which of course he would, and then that leaves us only 3 or 1 year/s for internships and stuff before he joins the GCPD. What. What.

No wonder his apartment is so shitty!!! This is a man with hella student loans

But yeah! Hes only 26 and his 40 year old coworkers are bulling him for being weird. I’d hate my job too.

Bullock is 48 and I’m fully convinced he, like me, thinks Ed is at least 32 (Jim’s age) because. What.

So yeah that’s his general backstory, NOW the ways that plays into his mental state and how his actor managed to fit it into the show

So, you can reasonably assume he’s traumatized.

And!? There are so many subtle moments in the show where Cory acts his character accordingly for this. He flinches when people raise their voice, he’s visibly spooked when men in the GCPD get huffy (usually it’s Mr James Anger Issues Gordon). He’s skittish as a mouse. In the watermelon scene, when Gordon busts into the room, Ed immediately falls over himself to explain what he’s doing in there. The guy was terrified. Of James. Who’s never done a thing to him.

Beyond that? CPTSD -beyond the regular symptoms of flashbacks, triggers, and hyper awareness- also includes difficulty regulating emotions, feelings of shame/guilt, and trouble staying in relationships.

Ed Nygma is a damn textbook case. He has meltdowns, he falls into substances, he does ANYTHING but cope when he’s overwhelmed. He is constantly trying to prove he’s smart, there’s a gut deep shame when he doesn’t hold up to genius standards. And you’ve seen his relationships.

Basic info ab OCD: it’s an anxiety disorder and the two main things are obsessive compulsions and intrusive thoughts, both of which are present in Gotham but not handled nearly as well as they are in the comics

Compulsions first!

These tend to stem from subconscious thoughts and people won’t always know Why they have a compulsion but they’re generally a way of preventing a vague yet all consuming Bad Thing.

Now, with Ed one of his major sticking points in comics AND the show is he cannot tell blatant lies, especially not with yes/no answers.

This is part of why he compulsively leaves clues for absolutely everything and tries to be so vague when he is lying. He also jumps through hoops so that he won’t need to lie.

Lying = incredible all consuming dread and anxiety, so he just Doesn’t and uses his little hints and clues as a loophole. Very obviously from his father’s influence.

In the show this is shown multiple times but just for a few:

Lucious asking if Jim is at Ed’s house and when Ed tries to say no he seems almost forced to correct himself

The compulsive clue in “Tom’s” note, even when no one had asked him if he knew anything he still couldn’t keep it entirely to himself. The note is a loophole. Technically he told on himself. They just didn’t figure it out. (Well. Kristen kinda did but denying it aka lying sent him into an anxiety attack the moment she left. So.)

When Sofia Falcone was torturing him to find out where Oswald was, he told her. He just told her via a riddler he knew she didn’t understand! No need to lie!

In the car ride to the docks Oswald also calls him out directly by saying he’s so predictable because he’s driven by obsessive compulsion. This is the most the show acknowledges it.

Beyond his compulsions he’s got explicit intrusive thoughts regarding a few big things. (Should be noted that these tend to drive compulsions but not always.)

being viewed as stupid

Ergo his criminal history just being a big show to prove how smart he is. Again, his fathers influence.

being actually stupid

Not knowing things stresses him out So Bad and he takes it So Personally. He NEEDS to know everything. The world is a puzzle and he is Going to solve it.

Side note: That’s why I do LOVE that Gotham made him a forensics specialist!! He’s always had, to quote a DC podcast where he’s talking to Batgirl “-and you have that terrible all consuming pathology which comples you to find answers” “AnD i HaVe tHaT tErRiBlE aLL cOnsUmiNG PaThOLoGy wHiCh coMpELs mE tO FiNd AnSwErS- Yes.”

Biggest for last: being like his dad

This one is specifically fun because it was almost represented so well. ALMOST. His entire relationship with Kristen was downright molded by it, as shown in the file room anxiety attack. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it.

He is constantly fretting over being like Tom, even when he clearly isn’t because he is disgusted by Tom. No mysoginist is going to see someone with the same thoughts as gross. No guy who thinks women should be “put in their place” is going to have such a physical reaction to hearing that be said. No abusive pos is going to have that reaction at all. At least, not in the way that situation went down or in the way Ed’s afraid of being. We aren’t discussing emotional harm or Nygmobblepot today. But he frets anyway. And if we chose to interpret his riddler hallucination as a Really poor way of representing intrusive thoughts? Yeah. Yeah. His brain is making him panic about doing exactly what he hates so much.

*it should be noted that compulsions are often reinforced by intrusive thoughts. specific example: if he lies he will be saying something wrong, he can not be wrong, everyone is going to think he’s an idiot if he’s wrong. You can see how the two things connect. This applies to the majority of compilations in some way.

Now, a moment where I deviate from discussing what Did happened because I’ll forever mourn this particular writing fuck up:

His thing with Kristen could’ve been perfect. It could’ve been the best live action riddler origin to date. Because this is a guy with OCD who’s very traumatized and would have a strong personal reaction to finding out a friend is facing domestic abuse. That would make his relationships complicated too because of the thought loop it would create off the risk of “turning out to be the type of person he hates” or “what if I hurt her like I was hurt.” That would have been so compelling? AND? AND YKNOW WHAT? MY BIGGEST GRIPE? HIS FIRST PUSH INTO VIOLENT CRIME BEING STABBING AN ABUSER WOULD BE PERFECT. It would be on point. Exceptional foray into crime and murder. BUT THEY DIDNT PLAY IT LIKE THAT. No instead it’s highly tainted by “who gets the girl” and I just. N o. Ugh. They fumbled it!! They fumbled it So Hard. THEY MAKE HIM CREEPY AS FUCK TOWARDS KRISTEN. Like- physically blocking her into small spaces and imposing on her and talking over her when, if they HAD actually leaned into the OCD on purpose, he would probably be hyper aware of not doing.

[muirmarie]

ever since I wrote the thing where spock tells mccoy that the ozh'esta can be platonic, in the back of my head I keep thinking about a fic where the entire basis is that spock does know he's into mccoy, and he (don't do this) basically lulls him into vulcan dating without telling him? like finger kissing sure sure sure, but other things as well that, like, up the ante a LOT. and because i'm not a particularly kind person, I was trying to think how kirk could also be doing that, but of course he doesn't have the same leeway as spock, as mccoy obviously knows what human gestures of affection/romance are - so i think the best workaround would be for kirk to convince mccoy to try a chill/casual friends with benefits thing with him, except kirk keeps, like, doing super intense romantic things, and (i'm exaggerating for comedic affect) gaslighting him that they're really just what every friends with benefits situation is like, and because mccoy's never had a fwb, he's just like......"that sounds wrong but I don't know enough about them to prove you wrong" and goes along with it.

point being that he is routinely getting to idk vulcan third base with spock, but spock is just like "odd that you think this is romantic and/or sexual, this is just vulcan friendship, doctor," and meanwhile he's supposed to be having quickies with kirk to blow off steam, but kirk keeps doing the most romantic shit and being like, "yeah, giving you roses is my kink, why are you being so weird about it" and mccoy's just. listen. he's dated around okay, he's not some shy blushing virgin, but he has made the tragic mistake of trusting his two best friends, and by george are they gonna abuse that trust (don't do this) in their attempts to win him over lmao.

I mostly keep thinking about other vulcans coming on board and them subtly realizing and reacting to spock's ~claim~ on mccoy, and spock being disgustingly smug about it, and meanwhile someone hits on mccoy and kirk swoops in and, like, tenderly cups mccoy's cheek and kisses him and then leaves, and mccoy's like, yeah, no, we're just friends?, and everyone around him is???? babe??? no you aren't???

is it possible to write this without mccoy coming off TOO oblivious and/or spock and kirk coming off TOO lacking of boundaries, I just don't know, but it does make me giggle now and again when I think about it

also the fact that he is going to genuinely murder them when he realizes what they've been doing, and they can't even complain, because they both know they absolutely deserve it.

[bansheeoftheforest]

This has officially been in my head for a month. Help.

Some pre-chb stuff, anyone?

(potential other additions to be found in the reblogs!)

We don't get to see much of Osiris and I don't really remember Isis or Nephthys but honestly I think Maria is the closest Anubis has ever gotten to a genuine mother. Like Nephthys was probably never around and he is very very loyal to Isis and Osiris and very grateful that they raised and (assumably) love him but gods are absolutely weird, so Maria is probably the first parent he has that actually feels like one, yknow?

I also think Maria and the Di Angelo siblings were a bit special, like Hades really loved them, and so (together with the entire Big Three Oath thing) Anubis gets assigned to them quite early, like a few months before or after Bianca is born. So he gets extra attached coz he was around when they were born, saw them as infants and watched them grow up. Helped them grow up.

How many times do you think he got really stressed coz he is Trying To Be Professional but the Di Angelos makes it really hard to keep a distance. How many times do you think he fell asleep on the couch holding Bianca and Nico. How many times do you think Maria pulled a blanket over them and let them sleep with a soft smile on her face.

I want them to look and feel like a really happy family. Like to Maria that is just her three kids that she loves, and while Anubis probably struggles to admit it to himself, he gets really attached to all the Di Angelos so fast that it feels weird and hurts.

Especially so when Zeus finds out and starts hunting the Di Angelos down. No matter how many tell him that they were born before the oath, he is still hell-bent on killing them and while Maria understands and decides to do what she feels best, Anubis has never been more terrified for someone else's sake.

When the lightning strikes, Anubis instinctively gets the children and holds them close, attempting to reach Maria, but before he can, Hades raises the walls around them, separating them and dooming Maria. I think her death is the first time he has ever properly cried and mourned someone.

Do we think Maria even had a body to bury. Do we think Anubis didn't even get the comfort of giving her a funeral.

Just him absolutely shellshocked as they get to the underworld, to safety, to Hades. He can do little else but just hand over the kids and watch as their memories are wiped in the river, knowing that when they get out, he has to pull himself together immediately, for their sake.

Do we think Hades understands or does he chastise Anubis for getting too attached. Or is he too caught up in his own grief to even notice.

He definitely has experienced the early and tragic deaths of Hades/Pluto kids before but I feel like this could be the first time he was properly hit with it. The circumstances just pushed him into the family way too much that the fallout just exploded in his face.

Wouldn't the concept of spending 2000 years watching the world change, and then having one of the first persons you care about die, which forces you and the two people you also care about to hide in a place that distorts time, space and possibly memories, be quite terrifying? Like, he is used to the underworld and the Duat but with so many years not experiencing that, wouldn't the feeling of being metaphorically left behind be kinda terrifying?

Which of course is all the emotions and fears and concerns he has to ignore because 1) he is a god, and gods don't feel and 2) he needs to pull through for Bianca's and Nico's sake.

Anubis doing his best to keep the kids safe while also not seeming too anxious while Bianca and Nico have fun at the casino. Nico and Bianca having absolutely 0 memories of the time before or Anubis before so they just think their brother is stressed the Normal AmountTM.

I am coming here with my own hcs again but. Yall remember that I mentioned I think Anubis were friends (or more) with Hermes? I really want Hermes to check in on them occasionally while they are at the hotel. Like, that is his friend and his friend is REALLY going through it rn and he is WORRIED. Besides Hades, Hermes is probably the only greek god Anubis trusts, maybe to the point where he trusts Hermes with the kids so he can take a breather.

Do we think Nico snuck out, saw Anubis and Hermes talking, saw the way specifically Anubis was acting with him, and that is how he found out that Gay People Existed?

"Agostino why did that man call you babygirl" "how about we stop talking for a while Nico-"

Still refusing to reread PJO/TKC but it is still infesting my brain so woe crossover au be upon yall

Au where Anubis casually gets assigned to be Bianca's and Nico's older brother, anyone?

(messy points below, mostly from Anubis' pov coz he is my pookie)

Like, once the other Egyptian gods start dropping like flies because the magicians are imprisoning them, assuming they may also go after Anubis, he turns to Hades as a very very very last resort because, well, he would like to not be imprisoned for all eternity, thank you very much. Hades agrees on the condition that Anubis looks after his demigods, since he otherwise really isn't to any use of him, which Anubis accepts. So, Anubis is basically the Hades/Pluto demigods' divine babysitter in exchange for some protection from the magicians who may or may not also want to imprison him.

I shall say that this either works bc A) Hades kids radiate enough death so that he can be around them without a host or B) it is all just bureaucracy so when the rest of the Egyptian gods are gone those rules simply do not really apply.

Anyways, once the Big Three ProphecyTM rolls around and Maria Di Angelo kicks the bucket, Anubis is left in charge of making sure the Di Angelo siblings survive, taking them to and staying with them at the Lotus Casino and the different schools that Hades moves them around to, either as their "older brother"/guardian or as their pet dog that the authorities simply don't bat an eye at.

The siblings, with their memories absolutely fucked up, simply accepts that they either have a brother, a dog, an older brother who is occasionally a dog, or a dog that only conveniently shows up when their brother isn't there and vice versa.

And since I haven't read any RR books since I was 12 and I never read the HOO series, I can't really talk much about the logistics from here on out but. I have some thoughts in general.

Anubis makes sure that he takes the majority of the responsibilities, so that Bianca can be a little more happy and a little less stressed than she would have been if she was alone looking after her little brother.

He also happily distracts Nico when Bianca needs a break, he can genuinely listen to Nico ramble about whatever for hours, remembers it quite well and can return the conversation, which Bianca rarely has energy for.

(He was the exact same when he was young and wants to make sure Nico has someone that listens to him)

Genuinely cannot rest until he makes sure the siblings are fine and safe, which becomes a bit of a problem when Bianca goes on her first and last quest, and even more of a problem when he is more stuck in the Brooklyn House and he has to keep contacting Nico before he allows himself or Walt to rest as a result of that.

He is so so so so SO protective of the siblings. He is absolutely ready to die or kill for them. He is not a fighter, more often than not a pacifist, but when it comes to them he is the first to throw hands.

Also him absolutely being ready to kill the demigods that find the siblings at the military school coz he is so used to the "any demigod or magician is here to kill one of us and I have to protect them at all costs" mode that he has been kinda stuck in for the last 70 or so years, minimum.

He is merely an older sibling running on the equivalent of 3 hours of sleep and 2 strong coffees, which really doesn't help the situation once shit starts going down in Brooklyn/the Egyptian pantheon.

Speaking of the Brooklyn House. After being a Divine BabysitterTM for like 2000 years he genuinely cannot get rid of those base instincts, which ends up with him fussing over the Kanes/Walt/Zia and the rest of the initiates because those are CHILDREN and they need to REST and be SAFE and EAT PROPERLY and TAKE YOUR DAMN VITAMINES, WALT.

Because of those 2000 years of babysitting, Anubis is genuinely amazing with kids. You'd think they'd be scared by him, but no. He is the first one they run to when they scraped their knee and need a band aid and a hug.

He also 100% stares right into Percy's and Will's souls the moment he finds out Nico has/had crushes on them. Despite being raised in an entirely different time he definitely is a "no dating until you are at least 25 otherwise I might have a heart attack" sibling and he is not letting some random demigod break his lil brother's heart. He accepts Will well enough though coz he makes Nico laugh which in the end is the most important thing.

Will might actually be more intimidated by Anubis than Hades but that doesn't stop him. Nico is his babygirl and he knows Anubis is (probably) more bark than bite (most of the time).

No matter if Hades allows him to like. stop being a babysitter once the gods are restored and Ma'at is balanced and all, Anubis still sticks around and checks in on Nico (and eventually Hazel). He gets antsy if he hasn't heard from them at least once a day.

He probably has a good base relationship with Jason and Reyna (bc both are protective older siblings when it comes to Nico) but he keeps Percy at a distance ever since Bianca's death (not that he blames him). But he isn't particularly close to any of them, as his priorities lay with Nico, Hazel, and the Brooklyn House.

Assuming Anubis doesn't like. Introduce himself to the greeks as "Anubis" and instead says he is someone else, I have absolutely no idea when or if he would ever tell any of the greek demigods what he truly is. But I suppose Nico would eventually find out that his older brother actually isn't related to him at all, or even from the greek pantheon, and instead only happened to become his older brother as a favour to Hades. Depending on how he finds out he definitely could get upset but I like to believe he sorta figures eventually, and is just happy Anubis genuinely cares for him.

I also like to think that the greek gods they meet when the demigods take the siblings from the school to camp half-blood, just gives Anubis A LookTM. Either they are fully aware he is protecting the Hades kids or they think an Egyptian god is just casually hanging out with some random demigods. Which must certainly be a sight to behold.

Can yall for a moment imagine being the Kane siblings, trying to get the feather of truth from the god of death to avoid the impending apocalypse, who then says "sorry I am mostly on babysitting duty so I can't really help yall more than this, good luck tho."

Walt who meets Nico and is so conflicted because in one way he is slightly weirded out by this tiny depressed gremlin, but in another way the Anubis PartTM of him is just going "protect protect protect protect", which is a weird first impression.

One of the Kane siblings would be interested in Mythomagic, I just know it. Either Sadie coz it is funky or Carter bc it is nerdy. Either way, Nico has at least one Kane to bond with bc of it.

Nico just has the ultimate diplomatic immunity because he can go between Camp Half-blood, Camp Jupiter, and the Brooklyn House basically as he pleases.

On a completely different topic, the majority of Nico's wardrobe is just shit he has stolen from Anubis, he just lets it happen, in part because it is not like he as a god has a limited wardrobe, and in part bc Nico is absolutely adorable when he drowns in Anubis' jackets bc they are too big for him.

Also, Anubis helping Nico train his death magic, and teaching him the easiest ways to build endurance while using it.

Frankly the thought of the rest of the gods being banished, imprisoned, in exile or attempting to free themselves while Anubis is playing babysitter is very funny to me in general. Imagine being Isis or Osiris and attempting to ask your nephew/son what he did during the 2000 years yall were imprisoned and he goes "I took a side job as a babysitter to pay the bills".

Honestly I might reblog this with more thoughts eventually. They are all just so pookie.

[alumirp]

luffy gets a girlfriend

He is blissfully unaware of this fact, however. He meets Torao at work, he's a firefighter and she's a doctor. She stitched up a cut on his arm and he gets hungry, spontaneously invites her to eat and she accepts, probably hungry too (or totally thinking that the cute guy with the stupid smile is asking her out).

They go out several times after that, usually with Luffy showing up at the hospital randomly, either injured or bringing in a patient, or simply to bother Torao because he was bored.

Luffy gets a new (girl) friend.

They're weird friends, though, because one day Torao just leaned in and kissed him. On the lips! And he liked it for some reason, so they kissed countless more times.

And sometimes things get too hot when they kiss and one thing leads to another and- well, they had sex. Several times. Which is weird, because Luffy definitely has no desire to kiss, much less have sex, with his other friends. But it works, so he just classifies them as weird friends.

He's pretty sure they're NOT lovers, because neither he nor Torao made fancy proposals, with roses, candles, fancy dinner and fancy rings, like Sanji and most TV shows tell, so, definitely weird friends.

And its okay, he likes being weird friends with Torao :D

(They're totally dating and no one believes Luffy when he says they're just friends. Because he shares his meat with Law, he actually, like, listens to her opinion instead of just doing what he wants, he takes her side in arguments no matter how obviously wrong she is, he fights with Ace, physically, when his brother says Law should get out of Luffy's life.They are totally dating, Luffy has a girlfriend, it doesn't matter that he doesn't know it.)

((law is just happy to be here, even if her boyfriend is a little slow))

[welcometogrouchland]

Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)

[gruesomejack]

The way Alex soured had Rabbit's brows wrinkling for just a moment. He supposed it was kind of weird to anyone who actually knew them. Pushing out a soft laugh, he took a second to think about it. "Andy was always nice to me." He told him, "I-I dunno if I could've said we were friends, but he was never the one pushing me around. When he used to come over to hang out with Des, he always ended up talking to me for a little while." Rabbit warmed again, and he hesitated and little, but ultimately decided there was no reason not to continue. "A few years in our drummer quit, and I remembered Andy was on drum line. He'd fucked up his leg and couldn't continue his baseball career, so I reached out to him to see if he was interested." He said, "And he showed up within a few days. He was so excited." Smiling again, he let out a more genuine laugh. "I guess he was looking for any excuse to get away from his own family. It worked out."

Looking at Alex again, he shrugged. "He's a good guy." He told him, "A pain in the ass, but he'd give you the shirt off his back if you needed it." Rabbit's expression softened then, a complicated flicker moving across his eyes. "Strangest part was when he told me he'd been harboring a puppy crush on me since we were kids, only 'cause I kind of was too?" He said, "We ended up fooling around for a while, but it wasn't working for either of us. Wanted different things, you know?" Humming, he squeezed softly at Alex's palm. "He's calmed down a lot in the last couple of years, but he's too... social." Andy Campbell liked to party, and that wasn't Rabbit's scene. Half of the time, when they showed up to any sort of gathering, it was because Andy convinced them to go out. "He's great at networking though, so I can't say it's awful. He runs all of our official social media stuff."

Rabbit smiled for Alex then, bumping their arms together once more. "Bobby still hates having him around." He mused, "He was ready to toss me out on the side of the highway when I suggested calling him."

Prescott. It didn't matter where he saw the name or the context of it, his mind always wandered back to one person. Chris had been his best, and only real friend he had. Out of everything he wanted to leave behind in that damn town, she wasn't part of it. He'd tried to keep in contact-- A letter here and there as him and the band moved around; he even tried sending her tickets to their first real gig, but he'd never gotten a response in return. She didn't show, and since then he'd just... kept her in his thoughts and hoped she was doing well for herself. Chris had always been so smart and headstrong; he could imagine her not being successful.

That's why when he was invited to a studio for an interview, he accepted. The journalist's surname had been Prescott. It was a dumb reason to agree, but he couldn't help the way it tugged at his chest.

Rabbit thanked the assistant that walked him to the room. Letting himself inside, he took a seat in one of the chairs and tucked a long curl behind his ear. Nervous, he picked at one of the bracelets on his wrist. It was still so strange. He'd gone from being the kid everyone pushed around or ignored to some sort of big shot that people were begging to talk to. The best revenge was living well, wasn't it? And he was certainly better off than he was with the Bakers.

The door creaked open again, and Rabbit peeked over his shoulder, a polite smile plastered onto his face. -- One that fell just after a moment, his brows twitching as his expression shifted. That face was familiar. Too familiar. There was a time when he'd been... confused about his sexuality and harbored feelings for Chris. She'd been tall and broad and boyish, and he'd been deeply attracted to it. The man that walked in to sit across from him was-- It had to be her. Him? Had she transitioned? The thought left him elated for her, but the rest of it made him anxious and confused. What was going on here?

Staring at the face opposite of him, Rabbit shrunk into himself. He glanced away and started to fidget. He wanted to be happy, but Chris had dodged every attempt to contact him. Why did he want to talk now? "It's been a while..."

@purposefully-lost

[habken]

while reading through your fusion au posts i saw that you said that class 1-A doesn’t rlly know for sure what’s going on with Katzuku, and i wanted to ask if any of them came up with any ideas/conspiracy theories or do they all just kinda silently know something is going on but don’t actually say anything? (i love your art btw it’s so cool:))

some think he's just a guy that's a bit of a weirdo, others' think he's an escaped government experiment meant to be the next all might because why does he have both super strength and bigass explosions like isn't that a little greedy.

For a second, the explosions throw todoroki off and he's convinced his dad was part of whatever weird program grew the guy in a lab

[somegrumpynerd]

Since Dream and Blue hcs are on my mind here's one I put in my drafts like a month ago and never remembered to post:

Dream thinks he had a crush on Blue, even though he didn't.

They're both some flavour of aro/ace and don't realise it (or possibly even know that it's a thing).

Dream had never really given much thought to romance or anything like that, other than when he and Nightmare were kids and the villagers would mention it and they'd both go "ewww gross" and move on. He'd also never really had a super close friendship besides his brother, the villagers were nice but they were also kind of using him so it wasn't that deep.

So when they started hanging out and Blue was so full of positive energy and joy and always eager to help and interested in Dream's stuff and showing him all these new things and being so nice to him... Dream suddenly realised oh no, is this romance?? Do I wanna kiss and get married right now???

(It wasn't, he loves Blue so so much but it's all platonic)

So he tried to keep it a secret out of fear (fear of ruining the friendship if something went wrong, fear that Blue wouldn't like him back like that, fear that he had no idea how to court someone and what if he got it wrong???) but eventually he ended up confessing it to Blue, who took it super normally and sorted everything out with a simple talk.

SIKE he actually gave Dream the full Papyrus date treatment.

He took Dream to his favourite place (his room, where Dream had already been several times) and put on his coolest outfit (which Dream had already seen him wear several times) and tried to impress him with gifts and food (this is genuinely just like, a thursday for them none of this is new).

Eventually he hit Dream with the "OH NO. IT'S CLEAR YOU'VE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME!!" ("I have?? D:>") and confessed he didn't wanna kiss or get married or any of that other stuff, but he would keep being Dream's coolest friend and help him through this difficult time, much to Dream's relief.

And they went right back to normal and are as close as ever. The only difference is sometimes Ink brings it up to embarrass Dream. The end.