#he fascinates me in a way where I'm actively scared of him . I don't know

[halflifebutawesome]

I want so badly 2 be the kind of guy who has cool interesting thoughts about the g-man and talks about him and his motives or whatever. But he is so Scary to me. Genuinely. Something about him unsettles me to the point where he sits on the cusp of activating My fight or flight. He makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I didn't know the ending of HLA had spacial audio and literally physically jumped a foot when he walks behind the player . I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS. and I don't know WHY it is but it sucks so bad. Gman scary.

[ducktracy]

The Ducktators is a fascinating little cartoon, though not a particularly enjoyable one. It’s very hard to watch nowadays but your review makes its strengths as animated propaganda very clear. As always, a very nice review. Also, sorry to bring him up, but I always thought the racist stereotype Japanese duck was supposed to be Hideki Tojo (Hi-duck-i Tojo?).

THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS!!! that really means a lot! absolutely, it's not a short i revisit for obvious reasons, but i'm almost glad for that "fresh pair of eyes" point of view because it definitely allowed me to view its directorial strengths much more clearly. in terms of pure cinematography and directing alone, it really shows that Norm McCabe had a lot of potential to be a great director if he wasn't bogged down so much by shoehorning topical references (ie propaganda) into his cartoons! like, this is a crazy shot

it is an extremely fascinating watch to see how they play on the psyche and psychology of the audience. cartoons are manipulative! i know this from working in them! i don't mean that in a bad way, but objectively: cartoons manipulate emotions of the audience and inspire them to laugh, to cry, to be scared, to be triumphant, they manipulate where you're supposed to look or how you're supposed to ingest--or NOT ingest--the information. it's almost comparable to a magic trick. even the most inconsequential, silly, stupid, "nothing" cartoon you can imagine has some sort of subliminality in it dictating how you are interpreting the information on screen. i'm being hyperbolic with my wording and i swear i don't mean this in a Dale Gribble conspiracy theory way LOL. it's just a fact! and it's so fascinating to me! and propaganda cartoons are really at the zenith of seeing how these subliminalities and playing on the psychology of the audience works. obviously, not always (and really, seldom) for the better, but it's very neat to study and see how that is accomplished. it makes for a very fascinating deep dive

I HAD ASSUMED FOR THE LONGEST TIME IT WAS A TOJO CARICATURE TOO.. i've gotten some conflicting information. cartoon wise, i plucked the voice credits from Keith Scott's book, who bills him as a Hirohito caricature, Jerry Beck and Will Friedwald's book just labels him as "a Japanese duck"--i've been getting a bunch of conflicting research, and it evidently seems that historians themselves are in conflict as to the extent of Hirohito's role in the war. i assumed that for the purposes of the cartoon, the duck was Hirohito since it seems he was considered one of the leaders of the Axis Powers, which is of course what the short hinges on. that, and that he was Emperor, whereas Tojo just reported to him. the general consensus seems to be that Tojo took the majority of the blame (obviously, given that he was hanged)--the website of the National WWII Museum points out that Douglas McArthur and Harry Truman seemed hesitant to charge Hirohito with war crimes since they were scared of a retaliatory uprising, given that he was the Emperor, and so publicity instead fell on Tojo.

I TYPED ALL OF THIS OUT BUT I SEEM TO BE PROVING YOUR POINT LOL Tojo seemed to be much more active on the militant side and received more publicity, so i guess that technically would make him a candidate... but given that Hirohito was at the very tip top and considered the reigning Axis leader for Japan, my assumption was that it was him for the purposes served by the cartoon. it'd probably make more sense for it to be Tojo though if he was more directly involved on the military side... that, and it's clear there's a little bit of a divide in power between the Tojo/Hirohito duck and the Hitler and Mussolini duck, but i also assumed that was a byproduct of the clear resentment directed towards Japan, and was just them jumping at any chance they could to belittle and humiliate them. riding on the catharsis of making such a big figurehead seem small and weak and easy to pummel and all that. (it also doesn’t help that the extent of caricaturing is “uhhhhh Japanese people have squinted eyes and big teeth right?”, both Tojo and Hirohito wore glasses and so that’s really the only visual clue… but i guess the duck also has a military cap that probably would be most associated with Tojo)

any historians who are obviously much more equipped to answer this, i welcome any corrections! it's obviously been a bit since my last World History class and i am genuinely embarrassed i can't give a more concise answer :')

[franzkafkagf]

Just a little disclaimer I’m not asking this question to try to come across as hurtful or anything like that. But I was wondering how as an Aegon-stan his treatment of women can make you have a very nuanced opinion of him? :o

- Personally I’m TB but do have empathy for some TG-characters. I do like Aegon as an antagonist and I do feel for his very toxic and harmful upbringing but due to his violent behavior towards women.. I just can’t really connect that well with him 🫣

Hi! Thank you for your ask :) Super interesting question actually! I have written some things for him in the past, talking about what exactly fascinated me about his character so much ( exhibit one, two three, four and five )

I also urge you to listen to Tom talk about Aegon; this man gets him as a character so well and says it better than I ever could. Some interviews found here, here and here

I can understand not being able to connect with him because of his treatment of Dyana— it's an unforgiveable thing he has done to her and might have done to others. But in spite of that, he is still just a character. Everything he does is meant to inform us about his certain traits he has, even the ugliest of things.

What does it tell us about Aegon? He is entitled, doesn't take things seriously, he is indulgent and does not see Dyana (or other smallfolk for that matter) as a real person (succession reference wink wink)

I wouldn't call his behavior towards women in general toxic though— I actually think he is somewhat demure when faced with women like his mother, Rhaenyra and also Helaena. He seems to kick down most of the time, while trying to get recognition from the ones he sees as peers or above him.

If you look at the culture he was raised in, it's not really a surprise he turned out the way he did, seeing women beneath him as something he can just take if he likes to. Westeros is cartoonishly misogynistic; traditions like First Night or the prevelance of brothels filled with women working under harsh indentures show that.

Young men of noble origin seem to see visits to brothels (again, filled with women that do not want to be there) as a normal past time activity; it's so prevalent that it's surprising if a young nobleman does not participate. Now, I do not want to excuse his actions, but seeing the culture he grew up him and the influences around him? -> He probably thinks this is normal behaviour, disturbingly.

On a bit different note, I want to talk about his relationships. A thought I see often echoed in the fandom is the headcanon that Aegon is violent towards Helaena when that... was never stated anywhere? Now I'm probably biased because I'm a big Helaegon girl but I don't see him being violent with his sister.

People say he impregnated her at 13 when.. he was also just a 15 year old boy? He did not want to marry her! Both literally did not and could not consent to what happened to them, I think it's so sad that people try to demonize a child who just did what was demanded from him from all the adults in his life :(

(like yes tell me about how one of these KIDS forced himself on the other out of fully selfish desire and pure evil. you're so smart and do not lack media literacy whatsoever)

The dinner scene literally shows Helaena laugh at Aegon's antics until he goes a step too far w Baela, and what does Helaena do? She clowns him in front of everyone with her toast. And what does he do? He just takes it... not the behaviour of an evil abusive man but the delulus will swear otherwise.

People will also try to twist her crying at the coronation as some depressive moment for her where she realizes that he will have the ultimate power over her when that's LITERALLY just a (very boring) headcanon. It's hinted at in the text and literally written out in the script that she is scared, because she knows what crowning him means; the dance cannot be stopped. That's all, that's why she's crying. She feels like their end is near.

All in all I think no one can change your mind on how you feel about Aegon; what he did IS unforgivable, but I hope you see a bit of my pov here too. Seeing the nuance in deeply flawed characters and digging to find hidden depths in them is something I'm very passionate about! My Aegon girlie mutuals and me will be feasting come season 2 🙏

[butterflydm]

wot reread: a memory of light (chapters 32-36)

spoilers for a memory of light, the final book.

Ah. It's a Mat PoV. I never really know what to expect out of Mat PoV these days, I have to admit. Early-to-middle Mat is always an enjoyable read, but I learned to despise reading Mat PoV during CoT & KoD, the two books that made me dislike Mat. The Sanderson Mat PoV chapters have varied wildly between "ugh I hate this"; "huh, that's intriguing"; and "Mat! <3". So, yeah, never know what I'm about to get when I start a Mat PoV these days.

2. Mat considers going out onto the battlefield again but changes his mind when Tuon glares at him from her ten-foot tall throne (...someone is overcompensating; that thing is twice as tall as she is). We get another of those bizarre thoughts from Mat where he praises Tuon for things that he dislikes from anyone else (Min did the same thing in her recent PoV too -- she's all "I don't respect any titles... except yours, Empress! I'll kiss the ground you walk on, Empress! I'll tell you anything you want, Empress!" ...I am mildly paraphrasing). I mentioned this earlier, how Mat starts having super-weird "I was born a native Seanchan" thoughts at a certain point, and this really feels like one of them.

In this instance, he claims that Tuon's ~way of giving orders~ "gives him a thrill", which... I'm torn between two things:

A. it just sends me right back to slave-conditioning (go back to Bethamin's Rules of Slave-Breaking back in Winter's Heart! It is downright eerie how much Tuon followed the rules there in how she interacted with Mat in CoT & KoD; it reminds me of how the most heartbreaking damane moments are when the channelers stop fighting and start desperately wanting to please their mistresses).

but

B. his actions don't really seem to back up that he enjoys getting ordered around by Tuon? Or enjoys watching her order other people around? It might be a thing, I guess, where his body has been conditioned into getting a thrill out of her being a slave-owner but emotionally and intellectually he's turned off by it?

3. Hmm, so Tuon gets incredibly jealous about Mat being in the same room as other women (who aren't slaves), but she doesn't want him looking at her with lust either. Interesting data point.

This is also a place where we really dive into the toxic ways that Mat is using the phrase 'Aes Sedai', where it basically is twisted to mean 'woman with power that I'm scared of' -- Tuon is an Aes Sedai in Mat's thoughts here, despite never actually channeling or having gone through the training to become an Aes Sedai. She's 'one of them' because she is a woman who is capable of having a power that Mat doesn't understand. If Mat had gone to Merrilor and learned what damage his fear and mistrust of Aes Sedai had caused in Caemlyn, he might have learned a healthier way to think about Aes Sedai.

4. Ah, @markantonys, here's that line: "You're doing a fine job of persuading Tuon not to use damane" (Mat sarcastically thinks to himself).

?????

It really is a fascinating/horrifying/mind-boggling contrast between what Mat's intentions apparently are and what he's actually done when he interacts with Tuon. Now, this is not the first allusion to the idea that Mat wants Tuon to stop using damane -- he told Min a few chapters back that "Rand" would want her to selectively use her viewings to try to encourage Tuon to think more favorably about Aes Sedai (Min proceeded to completely ignore him and just spilled literally everything to Tuon that she wanted to know) -- but it's the first time that Mat has actively tried to claim that he has been attempting to persuade Tuon on the matter of the damane.

So, in theory, Mat wants to persuade Tuon to stop using damane.

But in practice, Mat has always been silent and complicit when it comes to Tuon's use and abuse of damane, just as he is in this scene here. It kinda seems like the only way Mat is willing to risk himself for the damane around Tuon is by trying to place other people in her path who will argue on their behalf.

Mat is "unnerved" by how quickly the new Sharan damane has taken to her captivity. I mean, I could say the same of you, Mat.

5. Hmm, Mat is charming Galgan now. Maybe I spoke too soon on thinking that Galgan would no longer try to murder Tuon now that Mat is next in line for the throne, displacing Galgan's claim. If he ends up liking Mat more than he likes Tuon, then Mat might 'accidentally' become the (first?) Emperor of the Seanchan.

Ugh, now Mat is using "marath'damane" instead of "channelers". ...and, by contrast, Galgan is using "Aes Sedai" on Mat's orders. Hmm.

I guess we're supposed to be wondering who will 'win' in the corruption game between Mat and Tuon -- does Tuon manage to break him into being a proper husband-slave or does Mat manage to reach whatever tiny shreds of empathy might still lurk inside Tuon's heart?

6. idk why Mat keeps thinking that Tuon's behavior is mysterious and a puzzle to figure out. It's the omens. She's told you this. He wants to think that she's deeper than she really is, I guess. I suppose if I were trapped in a similar situation, I'd be doing my best to make the best of it too (but that runs into my other big problem of: Jordan's fatalism infecting all the characters even when it's contrary to their past behavior).

7. Tuon is currently interrogating Min on all the omens that she sees for every member of the Blood that's around. And Min just, you know, obeys. For whatever reason.

"He had an inkling of what Tuon might be capable of, if she grew displeased with Min."

Hmm.

"He loved her-- Light, he was pretty sure that he did. But he also let himself be a little afraid of her. He'd have to keep watch so that Tuon didn't decide to 'educate' Min."

Hmm.

Much like Mat himself, Min is in an 'honored' position... but Mat is very aware that this will not actually protect her from getting 'educated' if she displeases his wife-owner. And, once again, Mat gives us nothing he loves about her. Yet when it comes to why he's "a little afraid" of her, Mat does have reasons -- what he's alluding to here is that he's worried that she might hurt his friend's girlfriend (because he's seen Tuon hurt other innocent people in the past).

And we know the kinds of lessons that sul'dam teach. To quote from The Great Hunt again:

Renna took the chair, frowning at Egwene. "I must punish you severely for this. We will both be called to the Court of the nine Moons -- you for what you can do; I as your sul'dam and trainer -- and I will not allow you to disgrace me in the eyes of the Empress. I will stop when you tell me how much you love being damane and how obedient you will be after this. And, Tuli. Make me believe every word."

8. As a result of Min's reading of the 'omens' around one of the Blood, Tuon (through Selucia) announces that the woman will be executed, making both Mat and Min startle severely. Wow, maybe it's a bad idea to hand that kind of surveillance 'technology' over to an unhinged dictator, Min? Who could have guessed?

Anyway, Min is completely shocked by this (completely predictable) reaction from Tuon at an 'omen' that hints at potential betrayal.

Mat's thoughts about Tuon, the woman that he "loves":

Mat shivered. He didn't like it when Tuon got like this. That stare of hers... it seemed like the stare of another person. A person without compassion. A statue had more life to it.

That's literally just Tuon being Tuon, bro. Not sure what to tell you. This is the way she behaves the majority of the time. If you dislike this about her, then you're going to be unhappy for most of your marriage.

9. Min 'wins' this round pretty much the same way that Mat 'won' Tuon telling him that he was more than a toy to her -- she says that she won't tell any more omens to Tuon if Tuon continues to behave this way. If Tuon executes people based solely on Min's 'omens', then Min will stop giving her any omens.

I will say... this has been pretty consistent in the narrative so far -- Tuon only really responds to the threat of her toys being taken away from her. Anything less that that and she will continue to push the boundaries of making someone uncomfortable. Only the threat of losing her toys entirely really makes it through to her brain.

Mat worries here that Min's "lack of respect" towards Tuon is going to get her executed, but for the moment, Tuon agrees that she will not kill anyone based on what Min says they 'might' do.

...given how 'well' Tuon has kept her word so far, I'm pretty sure that she'll have trumped up an excuse to kill this member of the Blood in the next couple of days. But she'll be able to convincingly lie to Min that it wasn't because of her viewing.

I do think it's weird/fascinating how Min seems to view her 'job' with Fortuona as an all-or-nothing affair -- Mat suggested that she pick and choose what she tells Fortuona in an attempt to influence her, but Min seems to feel like she can either tell Fortuona everything or nothing at all. But we don't get any reason why that's the case. Especially since Tuon is a lot more interested in hearing Min's viewings about other people than the ones about herself, which was something that Min claimed she did for Rand as a ~special exception~ to her normal policy of respecting people's privacy. Again, why is Min going out of her way for the Seanchan? Tuon wouldn't actually know if Min lied to her about this.

10. Awww, Egwene is speaking in code to Mat about his medallion so as not to give his secret away to the enemy Seanchan. It's too late, Egwene. Setalle Anan betrayed Mat's secrets long ago, but it's very sweet of you to care.

Okay, so Elayne joins the, uh, conference call at this point ("thick with child". Um, exactly how far along do you think she is, Sanderson?) and so I am going to try to figure out what, if anything, she knows about the Mat situation. Thom told her a heroic story about Mat freeing slaves. Perrin told her Mat was doing "something" with the Seanchan. She's been pretty busy since then, so I wonder if Egwene has had time to update her on anything.

Mat wants to merge all the forces together. Mat's thoughts on Elayne: "She maintained the posture of a queen, but her disheveled hair and clothing burned in several places indicated what she'd been through." Meanwhile, ~Fortuona~ sits in pristine silks and lets Mat do her talking for her. I suppose she views him as acting as her Voice-husband-slave right now.

11. Elayne and Mat are the two people talking over the tactics at this meeting, btw (so consider that another spit in the eye to Perrin for trying to diss Elayne's tactical knowledge). Mat laying out the plan and Elayne questioning the details and reasoning.

Elayne doesn't acknowledge Tuon's existence at all during this entire section. She is absolutely and 100% only talking to Mat, and there's never even a mention of her looking over and noticing Tuon. She also doesn't seem to be treating Mat any differently than she had before.

I am so curious about Elayne's thoughts on this situation! Did Thom tell her about Mat's marriage being an accident when he came to Merrilor? Does she even know that Mat is married to the Seanchan Empress? She knows he's married to someone, because of his letter, but does she know who?

...also, she doesn't mention the Horn of Valere and Mat needing to blow it. That's maybe the one thing here that does indicate that she is aware of Tuon & the Seanchan even if she doesn't acknowledge them, not wanting to give away the Horn's believed ties to Mat. Which implies that she's ignoring ~Fortuona~ as a deliberate snub (good for her).

If the "Two Rivers coat" that Mat has been wearing was sourced by the person that Elayne found for Mat (by his request), then he is also wearing clothes that were supplied by Elayne during this entire meeting. Seanchan breeches and an Andoran coat.

Also, Elayne telling Mat, "I hope you know what you're doing," triggers the dice in his head. Is that... is that about more than the battle, Elayne? Are you speaking in code, Elayne? Are you talking about Tuon, Elayne?

Side note: Elayne doesn't get the whole "ugh no, she's a Dreaded Aes Sedai" treatment from Mat here even though she literally is one and Tuon is, in fact, not. I'm guessing because Mat isn't scared of Elayne?

12. Elayne then "passionately" explains and defends Mat's plan to Tam and, idk, some other leaders in the armies on her side.

lol so much at Galad's thoughts about how Perrin is so ~reasonable~ compared to other leaders like Elayne and how maybe the Whitecloaks should settle in the Two Rivers after the Last Battle. Perrin doesn't. He doesn't actually like you, Galad.

It is interesting that Galad is thinking of them as "Whitecloaks" though. When did that start?

Haha, just I was noting that, Galad also notices that he just did that and is puzzled at himself for it.

Elayne does not mention the Seanchan at all here, only "Mat" this and "Mat" that. Nothing about the Seanchan.

13. When Perrin asks Slayer if he thinks he'll be rewarded by the Dark One, Slayer tells Perrin "The Dark One does not discard useful tools" (citing the Forsaken as evidence) and I'm reminded of the many many commonalities that the Seanchan and the Shadow share all over again, because that is just about as true about TDO as it is about the Seanchan -- which is to say, sure, as long as you're still useful, you won't be discarded.

The Seanchan Empire is going to be the Great Evil of the Fourth Age, one way or another. I don't think there's any way for anyone to stop that. The poison is too baked into their culture as it currently stands, and the poison drips through to the people ("the poison drips through" is apparently a quote from Succession, which I've never seen, but that's a fantastic line).

14. Faile is hanging out with the Redarms, who are worrying about "Lord Mat" and wishing that they could be with him to protect him from the Seanchan. So that's now two sets of groups that care deeply about Mat and want to save him from the Seanchan that he's gotten himself tangled up with: Egwene & the Band of the Red Hand's Redarms. So it is 'known' among the general army that Mat is hanging out with the Seanchan (though not that he's married to ~the Empress~), so Elayne definitely knew last chapter when she was completely ignoring Tuon and only talking to Mat. And Faile is here to deliver the Horn to Mat (presumably without tipping it off to the Seanchan with him what they're doing?). To everyone except Faile herself, though, the delivery is "tabac from the Two Rivers" for Mat to enjoy during the battle, as a treat from The Amrylin.

Setalle Anan is also part of this group, it seems, and so is Olver, who is not dead (no thanks to Mat).

A bubble of evil sets their planned Gateway awry and they end up in the Blight instead of Merrilor.

15. ...Melaine is apparently "near to term" and just about ready to give birth. Which would mean that it's been less than nine months since Min first arrived in Caemlyn back in Lord of Chaos (and yet six of those months have apparently happened after Winter's Heart?).

It has been "many days" since Rand went up into the mountain of Shayol Ghul.

Aviendha catches Graendal in the act of attempting to influence the new commander who was put in place after Ituralde was taken out of command, and has an encounter with the red-veiled Aiel, realizing that they are the men who were sent into the Blight to die with honor upon realizing they could channel and that they have been Turned by TDO's channelers.

side note: this does remind me that one group that ends up not having a single Darkfriend in it are the Aiel Wise Ones. Not all of them are great people -- some of them are pretty awful -- but even the worst of the Shaido Wise Ones are not Darkfriends, I'm pretty sure? And no Aiel clan chiefs are Darkfriends either. No one who has been to Rhuidean and lived, essentially. Were the glass columns filtering out Darkfriends in addition to filtering out people who couldn't handle the truth about the Aiel's past?

16. Ah, I think this is our first real introduction to The Dark One as Entropy & the End of All Things. TDO 'wants' (or is driven by its nature) to consume the Pattern and leave nothing behind. I think, out of all the Darkfriends in the book series, that only Ishamael/Moridin actually understands TDO's goal. All the others are scrambling for temporal power and think they're actually going to rule the world after TDO 'wins' but there isn't going to be a world to rule. Only Ishamael/Moridin understands that the endgame is the ending of existence itself.

In the show, they've already tied us into this concept -- Dana, who gets dreams (presumably from Ishamael), talked to Rand about how TDO wants to end 'suffering' by 'breaking the Wheel'. So the show already set us up for the endgame battle which is great because it means (as long as Rafe & co know in advance that they're writing the final season), the show can always pivot to our endgame because they've already planted the seeds.

I'm curious about how much they'll tie Dana's argument into the Seanchan invasion. Because TDO is an existential calamity for everyone, but the Seanchan are an existential calamity for channelers in particular (though we do also have da'covale and I definitely hope that the show doesn't forget about them the way that it kinda feels like the books forgot about them). Once the Seanchan are on the scene, the question of "is it better to suffer in agony and humiliation for hundreds of years with no hope of escape or it is better to just end that suffering?" becomes an active question for the majority of the main cast (Moiraine, Egwene, Nynaeve, Elayne, and Rand too when/if the male a'dam comes into play -- and especially Egwene, who goes through that suffering personally).

17. Poor Faile actually has to worry about travel logistics -- they're stuck in the Blight and it would take 'months' to walk to Merrilor. Shame she doesn't have Mat's magical non-channeling teleportation skills.

However, they do see that they're not too far off from the peak of Shayol Ghul itself and decide to head in that direction, since some of Rand's troops should be there. But Faile worries that there's a Darkfriend in their caravan and worries even more that someone on the side of the Shadow knows that she has the Horn of Valere.

Somewhat nearby, as she is also in the Blasted Lands, after a lengthy battle with the red-veiled Aiel, Aviendha's group gets battered by Graendal, with one of the Aes Sedai getting compelled and two others getting killed.

18. Olver still hates the Shaido (and all Aiel by extension) for killing his parents and yet had zero lasting negative reaction to the Seanchan invading a city where he was living, causing destruction and death all around him and deeply injuring someone he cared about a lot (the wall falling on Mat). The contrast between Olver's trauma from the Shaido invasion and his lack of trauma from the Seanchan invasion really does remain so baffling. The Seanchan invasion should have brought back so many horrible memories for him, but he was basically the same in WH as he was in ACoS -- all he cared about was snuggling into a grown woman's breasts.

So Olver knows that Noal is dead, "filtered through what the Lady Moiraine had shared about what had happened at the Tower of Ghenjei" (haha so she did get around to saying more than "the Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills" eventually). He also knows that Mat has "run off to join the Seanchan" (parental figure abandonment -- and Mat has not even spared a single thought for Olver this entire time, btw. Olver is worrying that Mat might die and Mat hasn't even had a passing thought about Olver's wellbeing; though I focus on the loss of Mat & Rand's friendship because of how... shallow... their reunion was, Mat's relationship to Olver also got shredded by Mat's off-the-page choice to desert his people).

Anyway, poor kid. He actually feels like a kid here, too, instead of a walking advertisement letting us know that Mat Cauthon Leers At Women And Teaches Kids To Do It Too, which is basically all he was for most of ACoS-KoD. He worries that he's going to end up all alone (again) as his companions die or abandon him. He has signs of trauma from Mat abandoning him here, too -- he thinks if he's able to train up and prove to Mat that he's useful, maybe Mat won't abandon him (again).

19. It sounds like the 'essence' of the Dark One in Shayol Ghul is basically acting like a miniature black hole -- it's trying to suck them into it. It's already eaten Nynaeve's shawl.

For Nynaeve and Moiraine, about an hour has passed. Rand's foot touched the darkness when he went to meet Moridin sword-to-sword and now the two of them appear frozen in time & locked in place. The wind pulls and tears at Nynaeve and Moiraine's clothing but Rand and Moridin are untouched by it.

20. Carefully moving around the chamber, clinging from rock to rock to keep herself from being pulled into the black hole, Nynaeve finds Alanna behind one of the rocks in the chamber. She's chained to the wall and has a bleeding wound in her side (matching Rand's, perhaps?).

Nynaeve realizes that the reason that Alanna here is to die at some point during Moridin's encounter with Rand, hopefully leaving him vulnerable due to the broken bond and making him easier prey for Moridin (and/or TDO? Though Nynaeve thinks here in terms of making Rand more physically vulnerable, making him more emotionally susceptible to TDO's arguments also seems like a likely motive to me?).

She wonders why Rand didn't notice Alanna's presence -- is he just so used to reflexively ignoring her? Nynaeve is feeling frustrated that she is unable to heal Alanna with the Power, because all her Power is in the link with Rand.

...oh, hey! I bet that's what Rand was feeling earlier! He could feel that someone he was bonded to had gotten hurt but the feeling was weird and he couldn't trace it. I bet that was about Alanna getting stabbed and it was wonky because it happened in the Weird Time Dilation Room.

21. Hmm, Mat is having memory issues. He blames his dice here on when "Egwene gave him control of the armies" but it was Elayne's words to him that triggered this set of rolling dice. We know because we were in his PoV when it happened.

Mat sees an old Andoran man that almost triggers an old memory for him, one of the ones that the dagger stole (it would have been when Rand was taking care of him on the trip to Caemlyn -- another one of the shoes that never quite fell for Mat, characterization-wise, is him getting back his foggy memories. We've seen a time or two that they are still in there, not just in this moment, but also back in Ebou Dar, when he saw the Darkfriend who attacked him and Rand in the stables). Mat actually remembering that everything Rand did to help him during the time he was sick with the dagger seems like one of those things that will inevitably happen post-canon, because the memories are still there, just hiding.

22. When Mat sees "his" Deathwatch guard among the working people here, he compares them to "wolves among the sheep". Mat does see it as a bonus that he was able to pull the armies together and pick his own battlefield but he's still pretty worried about the battle ahead.

Tuon gave Mat a new eyepatch to wear -- bright red. To remind people of the wound underneath? We know that she likes the active reminder to everyone that Mat has been bloodied in battle. Or we do get a reminder that the Deathwatch guards (all slaves) also wear a distinctive shade of red, so it's probably also another badge of her ownership over Mat.

23. When Mat tries to avoid the Deathwatch guard that are coming to "collect" him to be brought to Tuon's tent (the narrative keeps bringing up things that are so reminiscent of Tylin's behavior towards Mat), he runs right into Egwene and a group of Aes Sedai. Also... it's interesting that he thinks of it as "Tuon's tent" and not a tent that they share together.

When he mentions that he's running away from the Deathwatch guard, Egwene tells him that she's glad he's defecting back to the Westlands but the middle of the Last Battle is maybe not the best time. He walks back with Egwene (& Gawyn and Leilwin née Egeanin) back over to the Aes Sedai area of the camp as they talk.

24. Mat says that the reason he's running from the guard is not because he's defecting back to the Westlands but because Tuon wants him to sit in judgement over potential criminals (...in the middle of the Last Battle?). "Anytime a soldier is seeking the Empress's mercy for a crime, I'm supposed to sit in judgement!"

Mat thinks here that he's not going to 'order men to be executed' and, yeah, I keep going back to what Renna said to Egwene, all those books ago. Perhaps you believe that because you are valuable now, you will be allowed license. Or I think back to Mat's worries that Min's "lack of respect" towards Tuon will get her killed.

Because it kinda sounds like it's been made clear to him that "sit in judgement" means "condemn people to death" and that Mat would risk personal punishment if he rules against what Tuon would want him to rule. Is Mat worrying about how hard he can push Tuon without it painfully snapping back on him?

25. He obliquely asks Egwene if they've found 'it' (the Horn of Valere) yet. Hey, Mat, if you were so worried about that, maybe you shouldn't have defected to the Seanchan at the beginning of this book? Just a thought.

Yeah, we get a reminder of how easily Mat rewrites his own memory here when he talks about how he did all the hard work of finding the Horn and the dagger was barely a consideration for him. So for anyone wondering why I keep poking at Mat's professed reasons for doing things and doubting the surface level of what he says -- page 611 of the hardback copy of AMoL:

"It seems nobody can remember straight but me. I hunted down that bloody Horn like a madman. And, I'll mention, it was me blowing the thing that let you all escape Falme*."

"Is that how you remember it?" Egwene asked.

"Sure," Mat said. "I mean, I have some holes in there, but I've pieced it mostly together."

"And the dagger?"

"That trinket? Hardly worth anyone's time." He caught himself reaching to his side, to where he had once carried it.

(* side note: yeah, his mention of this here makes me feel even more sure that he deliberately didn't tell Tuon about Egwene being captured in Falme because he didn't think it was her business. He tells Tuon things on a need-to-know basis only, from what I can see, which feels like it's reflected in the advice that he gave to Min)

26. Egwene Travels them to the top of another location (to further move away from the Deathwatch guard) and Mat takes a moment to notice the grove of trees that Rand grew on the Fields of Merrilor.

[Mat] could feel something pulling on him, tugging him northward. Rand would need him soon.

27. Mat tells Egwene that this will have to be their last stand -- they don't have the supplies for a protracted battle. She says that they just need to hold out long enough for Rand to beat TDO.

But Mat points out that if they are unable to break the Shadow's advance, then they do still lose in some pretty important ways, because the Shadowspawn will flood the lands and kill all the non-combatants. "We can't just survive... we have to win."

We get another moment of Rand tugging on Mat from Shayol Ghul while the dice tumble in his head.

Mat turned northward again. A cool, somehow familiar wind blew across him, rippling his long coat, brushing at his hat. He narrowed his eye. Rand was tugging on him.

Ugh, I feel so cheated by this. Why set this up only to give us such a disappointing conclusion to this thread, Sanderson?

Anyway, the battle starts anew. And Mat successfully avoided being dragged back to Tuon's tent, so congrats to him on that.

Okay, the next chapter is the monster (nearly 200 pages all on its own), so that will be a separate post.

[gildalilli]

I just rewatched the scene where Crow and Zira dance and it finally clicked that they are having two entirely different conversations while they dance. Neither is listening or responding to the other. They have different "exactlys". I knew this in theory but rewatching it and seeing the way they fill in their own blanks is fascinating.

This is how the conversation went to Crowley.

C: "You are playing puppets with the humans, please stop. Making it rain to see if it will make them talk is relatively harmless in terms of their free will, but It is going too far to control them without their consent or knowledge. Additionally, I'm scared for us and we're in immediate danger. Again, please stop being creepy, so we can make a plan together on the next step for gabriel. I need your help and your behaviour is adding to my anxiety."

What he heard in Aziraphale's answers and actions: No thanks im too happy playing god, and you dont know what youre talking about. By the way I kept this skill of being the only angel who is able to dance a complete secret from you for 200 years, betraying your trust just a bit more. I'm also going to stand up for Gabriel because I'm brainwashed by heaven still and don't really care to ask about the abuse he did against you or the murder threat to the person you love most dearly in the world. Your feelings about that don't matter as long as I can do what I want right now.

And this is how the conversation went to Aziraphale.

C: I've been very stressed over everything lately and am venting this to you.

"Don't stress, look: I planned a big romantic date for us as well as the women. Come over here and spend some time with me and maybe you will feel better. See? I love you so much I'd keep hell at bay for us."

I am prejudiced against heaven and dont care what happens to an angel like you in their time of need. I actively wish him harm, despite knowing your feelings, which aren't important to me. I'm also going to ignore all of the effort you are currently putting in.

"I know you're a grumpy, anxiety ridden person but I need you to see what I'm trying to tell you right now. I'm confident in my ability to protect you, as I always have. I love you. Oh I planned this so meticulously and everything is going wrong."

They dont LISTEN because theyre so hellbent on being heard themselves. And it's how instead of achieving a successful, coordinated win like the body swap in s1, we get no satisfying triumph over the odds in s2. No clever plan of action because this same pattern of being unable to work together and failing to listen to the other person has been a problem ever since Armageddon and the body swap itself left them too traumatised to have a functional relationship.

[shallowseeker]

how do you feel about repressed dean?

I've been sitting on this one, and I've been a little scared of it, to be honest. I really hope it's not anger-bait. So, why not answer it in the middle of the night, when few will see it?

Here goes: I love just about anything that's complex, you know? I think if I had to pick, I'd say I'm more a fan of consciously suppressed Dean than unconsciously repressed Dean, at least when it comes to emotions.

//

(Of the two, I actually view Cas as the more repressed one, not always privy to the three-dimensionality and multifaceted depth of his own motivations. -> "I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like."

And The Empty knows who Cas loves, sure, but does Cas really, really know the extent of what that means at that point? I don't know. Did Cas allow himself to fantasize, or did he shut it down and sublimate it so hard into The Mission that it lives only in the repressed shadow-world of The Empty?

Cas can certainly read others and is, I think, actually more emotionally intuitive than characters like Sam, but his own emotions? He brutally trained to repress them to the point the Angelic company line is, “We’re heartless. We feel nothing.”)

//

Anyway, I really adore when Dean knows what's going on and is actively choosing his whole sublimation and transference approach, whatever that approach happens to be.

As a default, I view him as emotionally intuitive. That said, we have seen him unconsciously repress his own memories of Cas rejecting him in Purgatory, so you can certainly build things around Dean and repression! (It seems like the rejection was the big issue there, more than even losing Cas. -> "We were there! It was like you just gave up!")

And I know it's not exactly popular but:

I think you can make a well-argued case for a deeply closeted Dean who doesn't act on his less “acceptable” urges. Like, he was The Good Son, you know? It's completely logical for me to see a reading where Dean has Queer Relationships that he knows have implications and yet keeps them juuuuuust peripheral enough that he doesn't act on them in a way that he thinks counts, which for argument's sake can be not acting on them physically or just…sublimating them into Rhonda Hurley type scenarios. Or he just gets himself into situations where he triangulates.

Dean tends to get stereotyped in a hypersexual manner, so I think assumptions are made, but they don’t have to be made, and we don’t have to conclude the same thing. I mean, there are stories where I find a less-sexual-than-expected Dean fascinating. I mean, clearly, he’s flustered around men like Aaron Bass. He gets flustered too when Cas tells him over the phone in Prophet & Loss that, “It’s so good to hear from you.” I can roll with it. Perhaps it really comes down to which parts of his puffed up performance you believe, and some ppl believe waaay less of it.

//

Anyway, overall, it’s just fine as a reading. I'm not here to read the text just one way! I hope I don't come off that way…because I enjoy things that aren’t my “Main.” Some of my all-time favorite fics approach Dean in unusual ways, and it's delicious and painful and all the things that keep you riveted for days.

Some of them even challenge me and change my mind.

//

I read one where Dean sunders himself from his own desires and act strategically-manipulatively as a way to prop up the desires of others in order to get at the security he craves, and I absolutely love that! That Dean might suppress his own needs to obtain a goal with regards to someone else's continued presence/security/etc? Mind-bogglingly awesome in my book! Dean’s shadow self is demonic; he can read others’ needs and maneuver desires! Maybe sometimes getting past others’ desires and all the way down to his own can be like rupturing a boil! I’m here for it!

//

In some stories, Dean is the emotionally forthright heart/Tinman, but suppressed insomuch that he doesn't take that final physical step unless he's being steered by someone else's desires, which can be argued beautifully, I think. On the other hand, Dean is certainly courageous in trying to communicate his feelings as early as season 8. (But arguably, he’s not as clear about it as he thinks!)

//

And what of Cas being forward? Cas uses grand gestures a lot, and he prefers to hide behind a Noble Cause but when he Gets It, he Gets It. He’s more firmly explicit about it, because Cas can be up-front to the point of bluntness. (His words were grand, too, a pretty grand gesture, all on its own.) Cas is certainly a courageous/Cowardly Lion in season 15, once he finally wakes up to What's Going On.

Overall, Cas is remarkably brave, even when he thinks he's not. He lives in the fear and is culturally outside of his comfort zone 99% of the time, and 9 times out of 10 he will do something regardless of how foolish he may look.

//

The thing is, people go through things and they get psychologically wounded and they have periods where their mental health thresholds plummet, so really, depending on the context, people can act in unusual or unexpected ways and it totally works!

What i’m trying to say, Repressed Dean enjoyers, is that I support you.

[darthpastry]

Small (665 word) segment of one of the various fics I’m working on being put on tumblr in hopes of receiving concrit and predictions because I’m a pantser and have somewhat lost motivation on this and am just generally curious about some feedback? How about that?

Anyway, Vanessa Afton and Ness the Waiter are siblings. That’s it. That’s the fic. Enjoy and warning for brief mention of blood :D

———————————————————

After a firm talk from their father about staying in the storage closet in the back of the pizzeria until he came back to get them, 'some of the animatronics may act odd while they're being taken care of, machinery is dangerous, don't touch anything that's made of metal and could possibly move on its own...' blah blah blah, the two twins were left alone on the storage room. 

Vanessa frowned and side-eyed Ness. "Are you happy now?" she asked, clearly sour about being stuck where they were. 

"Ecstatic!" Ness replied, not even looking at her as he examined every nook and cranny of the closet. He grabbed a broom and jabbed it into a springlock suit, looking with fascination as it snapped shut suddenly and violently. 

"NESS! Dad said not to touch," she scolded. 

"Did I touch it? I think not," he said as he leaned closer, still barely paying attention to her. "Dang... these things could kill someone. Easily. It's almost as though this was made to kill. Either a child or adult!" 

"Then you probably shouldn't have your face less than two inches away from it," was her dry reply. 

"I'm approximately three inches away. Besides, with the springlocks already activated, it's incredibly unlikely that I am in any danger at all. Even if I was, it's worth it!" Ness poked one of the springlocks with a look of glee. 

"You should still step away..." 

He glanced over, noticing the worry in her tone. He gave the suit a single, longing glance, before stepping away and glancing at the door. "I'm going to go check on something, stay here," Ness instructed. 

"The curse of idiocy has hit you hard today, I see, you're breaking every that Dad put in place for us. Where are you even going?" 

"I'm not an idiot, and I'll tell you later." 

"You're stupid and I'm going with you." 

"Absolutely not. Just because I'm breaking the rules doesn't mean you should. I'm older, therefore that makes me more responsible." Ness ignored Vanessa's scoff of disagreement. "I know exactly what I'm doing, besides, there's plenty of fun stuff in here!" 

"You know what? It's not even worth arguing with you at this point, dummy. But either you stay here, I come with you, or I'll tell Dad later." 

"You just always have to pull the 'I'll tell Dad' card, don't you?" 

She shrugged. "It works. Why wouldn't I?" 

"You're a little brat sometimes, you know that? But fine. You can come with me," he said with a resigned sigh. "Just stay behind and stay quiet." 

Vanessa nodded, looking slightly anxious but also pleased with herself as Ness pulled open the door. 

He crept through the pizzeria, all the way to the stage curtain, where he cautiously peeked through it to look out into the main room. Ness stifled a gasp as he shoved Vanessa back towards the storage closet. 

"What is it? I want to see!" she whisper-yelled. 

He shook his head, not seeming to be able to find words as his face contorted with a slight panic and he grabbed her hand, attempting to drag her away. 

"Did the endoskeletons scare you? You can be a real baby sometimes," Vanessa taunted. 

Ness shook his head again, motioning for her to hurry up. 

She scoffed in annoyance and ripped her hand free from his grasp. "I'm going to go see." 

"Don't!" he managed to whisper-yell as she peeked through the curtains. 

Ness cringed as Vanessa let out a loud scream of terror, and then he bolted back to the storage room. Perhaps he should've gone to drag his sister back with him, but she had already been caught. It would only be worse if both of them were caught, right? He never should've let her come with him. He never should've asked that they come here. It was too late now, though, Vanessa had already seen her father holding a bloody knife over a mangled body. 

———————————————————

@carouselrabbit

@walking-fnaf-encyclopedia

@hearts4ggy

No idea if y’all remember this ( https://www.tumblr.com/carouselrabbit/734873562621657088 ) and I’m by no means finished but it is in progress…

[mcl38]

"the fact that lando has done a couple factory debriefs that oscar wasnt there for"

don't quote me on this bc i have no insider information obviously but i'm pretty sure this has to do with the whole new work-life balance initiative mclaren started focusing on last year and has been even more set on improving this year? because i have definitely noticed a few different occasions since the end-ish of last year where it seemed like one was present for meetings/debriefs and the other wasn't. it's been the case with oscar being present but not lando a few times too. and i say all the more for it if it gives the drivers more time to just refresh themselves for the next race by spending time with loved ones or whatever. (not to mention that lando's dad has been like really good about being at nearly every race weekend since the beginning of last year whereas oscar has discussed hardly ever seeing his family while racing, he can go to the mtc anytime he wants let him have some family time!!!) like they may not publicize it, but i am 100% sure they'll (they likely already did in australia) go over the data with oscar and debrief and discuss where he can continue developing and whatnot. like lmao they've been saying since sainz left that they want 2 relatively equal drivers again, trust me nobody is interested in favoring lando at oscar's expense when he has the pace to either be ahead of or keep up with him

literally what i was talking abt w the worklife balance initiative earlier yes!!! i didnt even spot it but ur right thats deffo gotta be it. this year the first time it happened we found out the next day that oscar was in imola doing a tyre test (it benefits him way more than lando to drive the old mclaren chassis) and this second time its pretty clear they did it to let oscar be with his family. and then on the other hand, oscar lives in the uk and lando doesnt so sometimes when oscars the one at the mtc thats probably why. its also worth pointing out (u mention that u feel sure the engineers do go over the data w oscar even if it doesnt end up on insta / the mclaren app) that this is a FACTORY debrief not a team debrief. both drivers participate in the mandatory post race debriefs (headphones on looking at telemetry vibes), but this is more of a holding-a-mic inspirational public speaking kind of thing, where some of the factory employees get to have a little bit of face to face time w the guy theyre building the car for & get their well-deserved thanks handed to them. oscar is a fascinating man who seems to have absolutely zero anxiety driving a car at 300kph but looks like a scared baby deer who barely knows how to walk when hes surrounded by any sort of crowd. my point is he is NOT missing out id b willing to bet at least a tenner that he actively does not want to be there

[just-an-enby-lemon]

[I have a silly idea of Batman recruiting Crane when he was still a professor because Crane was the best on his field and he needed psychiatric knowledge to help with a particular rought case. Scarecrow is already a criminal but no one knows who he is]

Jonathan: Can't I at least go back to my office and check if it's locked? I let my computer logged at all times and a student may use it to change their grade.

*Bruce sends him a look*

Jonathan: What? It happens. I was on lockup so Jeremiah could change his grade on former professor Strange's old computer multiple times. Now I always told him "why take a class on criminal psychology if you have such a weak stomach for Hugo work tales, Miah" and he would go "well my family has this Asylum" and our grades came and his was down and he was soo scared of disapointing his family. It's one of my favorite memories really. So lil old Alyce god bless her soul saw Miah crying and me failing to confort him and she always had a soft spot for Miah so she said "you know I heard that Strange never locks his door and his computer is always logged on" and at first Miah wouldn't do it, he was afraid of getting caught, fear is a very strong motivator, but you already know that, don't you, Batman? Stricking fear on the hearth of the criminals. Anyway, the best way to fight fear it appeared was with more fear as being remembered of the fear of disapoiting his old man was all it took to overcome his fear of Strange's ire. Long story short Miah decided to go. I of course offered to help and he was "you will? But your grades are good?"" and I simply reminded him that his weren't and he was "Thank you, Jon" and we did. We keept doing it the whole semester. I have no idea how Hugo never noticed... What was my point again? Oh yeah, this things happe, Dark Knight, and I pride myself of being a fair teacher. I may have being permissive of cheating as a student but never as a professor, I love Miah but we all known he would be better off teaching or working at the hospital, maybe opening a pratice not in Arkham and he wouldn't be if I didn't help him cheat. I don't want a repetition of that.

Batman: That's certainly a nobble cause, Dr. Crane but I'm afraid-

Jonathan: Afraid! We are all afraid. Now tell me, Crussader what are you afraid off?

Batman: *suspicious* Excuse me?

Jonathan: uh... *internally: dammit Crane that was too obvious* uh... bonding exercise *internally: nice save*

Batman:... Bonding exercise?

Jonathan: Yes, to help inspire trust and calm the body during a stressfull situation. I suppose I started to harshly what about you favorite color?

Batman: I understand that situation might be scary for you but I would preffer if you refrain from bonding activities.

Jonathan: *whispering* social interations make him nervous interesting

Batman: I didn't hear you?

Jonathan: Sorry, I'm a little out of it, I suppose, you are right is merely a bit of fear, it is a rather unusual stiuation. It almost fells like visiting Gotham for the first time all over again.

Batman: I imagine you liked the experience the first time though?

Jonathan: And why is that?

Batman: Because you stayed.

Jonathan: To be honest I find Gotham absolutly terrifying. It's creepy atmosphere, the gothic architeture, the almost permanent fog in the sky, the constant bad weather *raising an eyebrow at Batman* the crime. Gotham is a place where all urban legends are true! There really is poison in the water mains and we truly have crocodiles in the sewers and clowns wanting to kill you.

Batman: Than why stay?

Jonathan: Maybe I just didn't had anywhere to come back to or maybe I just like the fear or maybe and there is the real answer here maybe I just find the people of Gotham truly fascinating. How brave they are in the mist of everything.

Batman: I suppose.

Jonathan: Suppose? *he laughs* Only in Gotham you would find an old lady who would stand up in front of a deranged serial killer like Victor Zsaas and order him to finish his target already cause he was stopping the traffic. Or a kid who face to face with local terrorist Edward Nygma dared him to solve his puzzle. Only in Gotham a man would dress up like a bat to fight crime. We don't have it anywhere else. Certainly not in Georgia! It's inspiring. It makes me wonder what are the gothamites afraid of.

[zip-toonz]

hi okay, this is probably gonna be a WALL of text but i am being haunted by these questions and this AU has me in a death grip /pos, and i am so curious to learn more about it, oughhhhh i am so sorry for how long this is probably gonna get askdajkdkjass also i am so sorry if you’ve already mentioned these somewhere before or have literally never even thought about them at all OKAY SO

1. okay so its mentioned before that Trevor overall can’t stray too far from Xerneas, and this is the main reason why Trevor can’t go into probably any large towns or cities in Kalos since Xerneas won’t go there, but does Xerneas stay away from ALL towns or do they sometimes go near the outskirts of any? I’m also curious, is Trevor basically following Xerneas around, or is it usually the other way, where if Trevor goes down a certain path in the woods Xerneas will follow him, like does Xerneas allow Trevor to take the lead sometimes or do they just do their own thing and Trevor overall just HAS to follow them or else?

2. What do Trevor’s friends think overall about all of this? So far, I assume they don’t KNOW he’s dead, but again I don’t know if you’ve talked about it or not. Do they know he’s a walking corpse roaming the woods with Xerneas? Or has everyone labeled him as missing and thus they’re all worried and still trying to find him? Do they ever go out and run into him? Is Trevor too scared to talk to them with what he is now? Like he stays in the shadows since he doesn’t want them to know?

3. Overall how does Trevor feel about Xerneas in this AU? He always seems like the type to be mega and heavily interested in Pokemon and learning about them and I feel like legendaries are no different. However, I imagine after dying and being brought back to life by a literal God of sorts would probably mess with his mind somewhat. Is Trevor somewhat fascinated by Xerneas and it’s ability to have brought him back to life? Or is he more terrified of them and the amount of power they seem to have? Is it a mixture of both? Where sometimes Trevor will be excited about being so close to a legendary but other times will be terrified of angering it??

4. is there a reason Xerneas brought Trevor back to life in the first place? Did they just feel sorry and guilty that he died so young and wanted him to live longer? Or did they just randomly decide to use part of their power to bring him back? OH OH also Idk if you’ve thought of this much but what about the other legendaries? Since Trevor died that would mean that Yveltal would use that to gather energy in a sort of way right? Did Xerneas bringing back Trevor upset a small balance of some kind that Yveltal and Zygarde dislike? Does Xerneas protect Trevor from any outside Pokemon like them and other wild Pokemon? Or does Xerneas just let Trevor protect himself?? OH its also mentioned Trevor CAN talk to Pokemon now, does this include Xerneas?? If so, has Trevor tried asking Xerneas themself why they brought him back, etc. etc.???

again i am so sorry for all this text omg,, its so much reading, but i am curious oughhhkjasjkkjs but ALSO i mean feel free to answer just what you can/what you want, you don’t have to answer them all or anything!!! KJSDNKJ

Hey! I'm happy to answer questions about the au! I'm honestly glad there's this much interest in the au! I don't believe I've talked too much in depth about the au so this is a great opportunity to do so!

For the sake of minimizing scrolling all responses will be under the read more

Ok here we go!

1a. Xerneas doesn't frequently venture near cities and towns. Like most legendaries and mythicals it prefers to remain elusive to humans. It doesn't actively avoid human settlements. Especially those close to forested areas. But it doesn't want to be seen. As such the only places Xerneas seriously makes an effort to avoid is Lumiose. Which does mean Trevor can't return to his home. It also never steps into the cities or towns itself, However Trevor does. Smaller towns like Santalune, Aquacord or Vaniville are small enough that Trevor can traverse them freely without leaving Xerneas' aura. Larger Towns have restrictions on how far he can go depending on where Xerneas currently is. 1b. Technically Trevor is allowed to go where he wants, But at the risk of losing consciousness or de-animating(?). As such Trevor tends to follow Xerneas. It sort of pong back and forth between who's leading. Most of the time it's Xerneas but Xerneas isn't unyeilding if Trevor wants to do something. Xerneas is no forcing him to follow him with force. But since Trevor still has some kind of desire to live he trails behind.

2a. Trevor's friend do know something is different about him when they do reunite. They don't exactly know he's dead but they can tell he's not exactly all there. They find it odd that he's not keeping in contact like he usually does. Tierno especially is worried about the lack of communication from him. 2b. At one point he was actually labeled missing. The gang (+Sycamore) put their own personal journeys on hold to help search for him. During those months everyone was fearing the worse and doing everything in their power to hunt him down in hopes he'd still be alive. 2c. They do run into him while out on their own journeys. Trevor does talk to them when they do and even attends events to keep up some sort of appearances. But most of the time he tends to lurk and avoid human contact. He's aware there's something weird going on with him and doesn't want to worry his friends nor does he want to be experimented on or put Xerneas in danger.

3. Trevor has very mixed feelings on Xerneas. He is the type to be heavily interested in Pokémon and learning all he can about them and you are right to assume legendaries are no different. Under normal circumstances he'd be ecstatic to be in such close proximity for as long as he has been. However this isn't the normal circumstances and a small part of him resents Xerneas for doing this to him and yet he feels guilty about it. Xerenas gave him a second chance and he's mad at it? There is no real fear towards Xerneas. Just confusion and fascination that have amalgamated into a weird bond he now has with this pokemon.

4a. The reason Xerenas brought Trevor back to life was in fact pity. It felt sorry for this kid having lost his life before it ever really began. As such it made a small sacrifice to give him that chance without realizing the repercussions that would follow. Think of it like a monkey paw situation. What was brought back was never going to be the original. 4b. As for the other legendaries and the order of things? There is (currently) hardly any disrupt with the order. Yveltal is upset at Xerneas for taking this matter into its own....Hooves? however. Death is suppose to be permanent. It should not be up to Xerneas to make a decision like this on a whim. However Trevors resurrection was not enough of a disruption that it had negative effects on anything besides him. So Yeveltal yeilds, making it know that it will be waiting for the day this hiccup is amended. 4b-cont. Xerneas does protect Trevor to some degree and vise versa. Xerneas knows that Trevor cannot always fend for himself even with the aide of pokemon and especially not against things like the elements. Its protection of him is more in the sense of helping him find shelter or fending off Pokémon much stronger than his own. And Trevor protects Xerneas from humans. He knows that if this incident where to slip Xerneas would be sought after by potentially nefarious individuals and exploited. 4c. He sure can talk to Xerneas! and he has indeed talked to it about why It brought him back. He knows Xerneas took pity on him, he knows it meant well. And yet there is still that little bit of resentment caused by him being stripped of living a normal life now.

Thank you for your questions by the way! it means a lot to me that you are this interested in what I've made! If you have anymore please feel free to send them my way!

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Hi!

Okay, did I read all of your tgp fics literally overnight? yes

Am I going to comment on every single one of them as soon as I remember my ao3 password? also yes

I need to say I made a giant mistake by reading them in reverse chronological order. The Michael that cries on the beach over his forever bestie slash the love of his eternal life slash soulmate gets thrown out of the window for a horny morally dubious fire squid mess in all kinds of ambiguous relationships with his human.

As a side note: he gets tortured a lot. you're really into torturing him and you're good at it. Another side note: i learned what "whump" means thanks to you. That was a very interesting experience to experience at 8am with no sleep. Now I have my own terrible ideas! 😌

I'm really curious about the development of Michael that has sexual desires like does his big demon brain generate it? Is it the human costume influence? Does Eleanor just rewire his biology 🤔 I know you don't go there anymore but-

anyway your fics fed me so so so we'll 🍤 thank you

Yo!

First off I'm always flattered whenever someone says they binged my fics, even though I don't really go here anymore its more due to my other fandoms being more active whereas I do still have a soft spot for Hellstrop, though mostly as platonic soulmates. However my NPL "AU babies" as I once called them are a ship on their own and Im so happy they've not been completely forgotten.

And yes...writing them was definitely a journey.

I also learned the word whump through them, even though I've written for that genre for years! But the prompt I found that gave me the idea for NPL was from a "whump" loving blog so that's where I learned!

Whump ideas are always the best, I hope you're able to bring those ideas to life somehow!

Going on to Michael, obviously he's no longer my primary blorbo (sorry bud) but if I try to remember how I got into his head, his relationship with sex was always an interesting one. Because I do agree with most of the fandom that on the show; he is asexual. Or at the very least, demi. And I don't think that's necessarily a demon or immortal thing as you get the vibe from other immortals like Trevor or the Judge that they're into sex. I think its just a Michael thing, it's not something he's interested in...but, fanfic is fanfic and if one headcanons him as demi like I do then it could be just one or someone very special makes him the kinda horny demon-boy I wrote in NPL where he's just got all these feelings and thoughts that almost scare him until he figures out how to work with them in a way he really wants and that doesn't hurt anyone. Where I heavily disagree with the fandom is him being aromantic. People are free to think that if they want but we have people working on the show who described his and Eleanor's relationship as a "chaste romance", in fact his whole fascination with the human race is something of a romance. Not to mention Ted Danson having said that he headcanoned Michael and the guitar teacher becoming a couple. "Michael got laid!" I believe were his words. 😂 it could just be Ted being biased with his wife being the actress but still, there seemed to be an intentional implication there. So yeah, Michael being interested in dating never seemed like that much of an impossibility for me, human or demon. The human costume definitely plays into everything about how much Michael just loves getting to be human and an important thing for me with writing NPL was Michael learning to appreciate those new urges and feelings in a healthy-ish way, considering how twisted the situation already is. His demon brain gave him an instinct to enjoy torturing but he fights to suppress that so he's not like Trevor. I don't think Eleanor necessarily rewired anything but rather opened the door to what was potentially already there. She was just the key that fit the lock, etc.

But yeah I've written different versions of how Michael is with sex, NPL is definitely a horndog compared to his other versions, some of which are straight up ace and even grossed out by their alternate self (but his girlfriend is Eleanor so c'mon! He's gotta keep his beach queen satisfied!), though it's less about him finding his own pleasure and more the joy he gets from pleasing Eleanor that thrills him. He's definitely a giver. 😏 Also it's been years now but I swear I put in so many references to him being genderfluid that I'm sure I queercoded the fork out of that relationship to the point it felt like a precursor the sapphic ships I have now!

Phew, thanks for taking me down fandom memory lane with that one! If that kinda topic is something you enjoyed searching for a fic called Synesthesia on Ao3. It's on an orphan account now but should be easy to find in the Hellstrop tag, but it basically explores Michael exploring sexual and romantic feelings but within a canon-adjescent plot rather than an AU. It's a must read if you like this ship.

[tartrazeen]

I swear I love the friendship between Angus and Rohan. Angus is my favourite character, and Rohan's okay as an extension of Angus (I tried to see if I had any interest in Rohan away from Angus, but the best I could do was, "I'm off on my own adventure, all by myself! Oh boy, I can't wait to come back and tell Angus what happens - that's my whole motivation for going!" So. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ He's forever relegated to being a package deal).

... But I also love proving how unbreakable their friendship is by making them fight until they borderline break up. 🥺👉👈

I don't know why that's so fascinating to me. I get that I love making Angus miserable for my own entertainment, which - in my defence - is the canon treatment of him on the show. But Rohan's got so many boring "ooh i have to save the kingdom" problems that he's only fun when I make him miserable over personal stuff - stuff from his old life.

And what's Rohan's old life? Living in a hut with Angus and being Cathbad's invisible, peasant apprentice. By the end of the show, he's gotten rid of that and doused himself in ancient prophecies, legendary fame, respect, power, a place in the king's court, a mysterious and long lost royal family, becoming popular at last (I still maintain the guy had zero other friends), and so actively embracing his role as Draganta that you'd think the biggest reminder of who he once was would be... well, an embarrassing reminder.

But Angus has never been embarassing to Rohan. In a lot of episodes, Rohan's really proud of him. After Angus says he sees gold in a field, Rohan's practically bragging about how good Angus is at spotting gold anywhere, and he's all happy when he learns how to steal a buckler from Torc like Angus taught him. The closest he gets to being embarrassed by Angus is, I think, when Angus is goofing off while Rohan's trying to learn how that fancy duel against Lugad is gonna work. (Rohan got into that situation by being a dumbass though, and I don't think he actually says anything. It's Cathbad who shuts it down, so it's Cathbad's fault uwu)

After that, maybe during the episode with the wish, where Rohan starts thinking Angus can't be trusted to make a 'good' wish on his own? And he's still not embarrassed - he's concerned. Rohan goes, "We need to help Angus do the best he can 🤔," not "Ooh, I can't be associated with this guy 😬."

So that friendship, that pride in who Angus is, the comfortable assumption that Angus'll be in Rohan's old and new life (and the insistence on it in the early episode where they all get enchanted and start attacking each other, and Rohan's like, "nooo i need my bestie 🥺 angus snap out of it 🥺🥺") is just a big Chef's Kiss. I love that he treats Angus like a walking safety net. Rohan's sad? Sick? Worried? Nervous? Scared? Awkward? Ass-kicked-by-Garrett? About to be dragon-mauled? Bored? Just basically unhappy in any way that Rohan can't instantly solve on his own? There's Angus 💖

Let's ruin it! 😃

Lately, I've been trying to make a fight where it's Angus who starts it, but it still comes back to being Rohan's fault anyway. 😆 Why? Blorbo privileges. Sorry, Rohan. But yeah, I want Angus getting his hands emotionally dirty instead of Rohan just being way too defensive and lashing out over something again. I adore the bull-in-a-china-shop energy, but let's let the angst lead us for once.

I'm picturing the build-up in the context of how they probably grew up: Rohan helping with the obvious chores and doing what he was told, but Angus - being a whole year older - actually learning what they had to do.

It's still Angus, so I'm not thinking he learned how to magically plan in advance. But with how resourceful he is, he'd absolutely figure out solutions to whatever mess they were in - ones neither of them saw coming 'cause they're both a little dumb. Like if winter "snuck up" on them, so Angus has to find where some Irish Squirrels© are nesting - and also who in a village did stock up, and what he can take from that stock while he's sent Rohan off in the other direction to innocently hunt/discover if Ireland even has squirrels. Or if their clothes start to wear or rip or get outgrown, and it's Angus who has to learn how to stitch them back together or "borrow" fabric from somewhere else to lengthen everything.

They've always had a Trial and Error dynamic between them. But Angus is doing the trial and error, stumbling through it after they've already stumbled into it, and Rohan's safely learning from those mistakes on the back of Angus' examples. It's adorable in how totally bullshit it is, because even when Rohan's calling Angus dumb (affectionate), we damn well know Rohan only didn't do whatever stupid thing Angus did because Angus did it first. When there's no hindsight available, Rohan's sprinting to do that dumb thing himself ("Yay, a fancy duel! I accept, Lugad! What do you mean it's a trap?").

So if winter sneaks up one year, Rohan wouldn't know what to do. Angus would bail them out by thinking quickly, and then instantly forget about it once it was spring again. It'd be up to Rohan to remember the next year that winter is gonna screw them over for food, remind Angus, who'll go, "Oh yeah! Okay, well, here's the plan." And then the year after that, Angus is going to forget aaaall about it again, and Rohan will remember and say, "Angus, it's time to do the food plan for winter."

After a while, it'd get to be enough of a yearly routine that someone on the outside could say, "Wow, Rohan. You're so responsible. You're always taking care of that lazy friend of yours."

(i think i shared my other version of this before, the one where rohan doesn't know angus told those lies yet, and he has to deal with the guilt of letting angus making that choice on his own even though angus was also a kid. but for this scenario, i want rohan being confidently proud of his friend - and confidently proud of them being at a place in life where angus can sit around and wait for rohan to remember that oops they're gonna starve again if they don't start prepping for winter right now. i am equally obsessed with the idea of rohan trying to pay angus back for everything he did to care for them as children, by having rohan try to provide for them now as adults :3 hence my headcanon that rohan got his own hut to make sure angus had a place to stay, since rohan could've stayed with cathbad a long while yet. and that angus doesn't know that and thinks of himself as a squatter in rohan's hut :'))

I like to imagine Rohan having Angus' back against comments like that, where he either tells them, "It's not like that," or gets into a long explanation of how Angus saved them both from death's door during their first winter. I see him doing that a lot with Cathbad, who'd be losing his mind trying to understand what's to gain from having Angus around.

"Well," Rohan says, "Angus was the one who'd lie and say he already ate just so I'd eat the last scraps of food we had, because he knew there wasn't enough to share and wanted me to be the one not to starve. So if I have to be the one who remembers winter comes every year, I'll do that."

So - same concept when we're talking about their clothes: growing "snuck up" on them, and so did "roughhousing and being tiny terrors leads to ripping your clothes." Angus learns how to patch and sew, getting really good at it for how often that has to happen, but Rohan's the one who puts the pieces together on, "Hm. These clothes keep not-fitting... I think we're growing, Angus 🤔" and "My shirt feels thin at the elbows 🤔 I think it's getting a hole in it, maybe?"

In other words, Rohan's the one picking up on the pattern again. Here, the answer's just 'Hand Angus clothes, get patched clothes back,' which is why Angus is the one who's always doing it (note: Rohan would know how to sew, he can't possibly not know, if not out of necessity then at least out of curiosity, but it's definitely gonna be an Angus job. Angus - our little pickpocket - is better with his hands anyway, and I am obsessed with the idea of Rohan coming to visit him in jail one day and uhhhhhhhh shoving a ripped shirt through the bars like, "If you're not busy... 🙂" And I think Angus would find that hilariously cheeky and also be happy he's got a way to feel useful as a guest in Rohan's hut 🥲). And Rohan might even be the one to say, "We should just make a new shirt instead of patching this one up all the time," and that'd lead Angus to figure out how to find/borrow/make one.

Injuries too, definitely. With all the fun encounters Angus has with guards and people who've caught him mid-theft, I picture him getting hurt worse when he does get hurt, but Rohan jumping off of walls and picking fights and falling out of trees and getting rocks thrown at him (by request) waaaaay more often. Angus is the one reacting again, learning how to fix the part where Rohan's shoulder isn't in its shoulder-hole anymore, and learning which powders un-poison that kid when Cathbad's away for a few days and Rohan was pretty sure he'd learned to do a 'proper' spell.

... Rohan does not learn the pattern for this one. 😝 He's chaos, Angus is chaos, but Angus at least starts to get a spidey-sense for when Rohan's next move is being driven by overt overconfidence. It's the same in the show: Angus goes along with dumb plans, but he starts to voice his concern when Rohan seems eeriely sure they don't need a plan at all (see: "let's just go to the dragon first" and "i'll just leave angus tied up, garrett won't take too long to beat").

Honestly, that fight in Friends For Life could've half-been because Rohan's praised for being lucky he stayed behind and lucky he was able to fight those Temrans on his own. That luck being validated as a tactical choice was gonna go straight to his head and have him charge into a crowd twice as big next time - and lose. (Obviously the show wasn't saying all that, but it fits in pretty nicely uwu)

Dinner - and this is the last example before the actual scenes - would be the same idea. Angus and Rohan would get hungry, not have a plan, Angus would bail them out that night, and Rohan would remember they have to actually eat every day. I think they'd both learn to cook, actually. With no plan, Angus is gonna forget every night, and if he's wandered off for too long, he might not get back in time to feed widdle Rohan 🥺 So Rohan might learn in the out-of-necessity way.

But Angus likes things that are actually good, and he's comfy eating that mystery stew swearing it's good. Either of them mentioning that what they're eating doesn't taste nice would get Angus to - again - bail them out of it. He'd learn to cook intentionally, maybe even bake things over the fire, and when he goes out to hunt or forage, he's specifically looking for ingredients in a meal.

Rohan seems more like a guy who'd go, "Hey, I shot this rabbit. Can you do anything with it?" and Angus would do culinary improv, otherwise Rohan would skin it and cook it and have them eat it totally plain.

... Cleaning (LAST one). I do think Angus likes to be clean, or at least he likes the luxury of hot baths. But - like, we've seen him mix powders around. He makes lots of mess. So I'm not envisioning someone who dusts and mops and has a whole Tidy Up Day.

But! Angus does draw maps to loot he's hidden. And he crawls and climbs and navigates his way through that castle. And the only times he's been pissed about the state of the hut, it was for two decently similar things:

"I'm leaving. 😤 Because I'm enchanted and angry. 😤😤 Why can't I find any of my stuff around the hut?!"

"Of course you couldn't find your stupid cup in here. 😤 This stupid hut is a pig sty. 😤😤"

In other words, Angus likes knowing where everything is. He's not tidy, he's organized. Rohan? Apparently he's neither, assuming Cathbad was telling the truth about Rohan being a crappy apprentice.

So what's the 'problem' Angus would have to bail them out of?

On one end, probably Rohan taking things, moving them, not putting them back, and then him or Angus getting pissed when they can't find it - even though Angus knows exactly where it was supposed to be.

On the other and more immediate end, with Angus being a sneaky guy, he's definitely tried to creep quietly back into the hut at night, tripped, nearly broken his neck, and then started swearing so loud that he woke Rohan and the rest of the village up.

I get the vibe that Angus has tried setting things in order a few times before, and Rohan has given it his best effort to follow the plan... but forgot how it was supposed to be set up. Or forgotten which things were his and which were just for Angus (and which things were stolen), until Angus finally had to hide things outside of the hut and drew all those maps to keep himself organized... until others caught onto that, and he was forced to keep the really important stuff in the hut again - away from Rohan somehow.

Personally, I like to think that Angus has a highly acute way of organizing everything, knows exactly where to put it, and can find all of it at a moment's notice - but he's a thief, so he's gotten used to putting things where people wouldn't normally look, and he's a squirrel (do they have squirrels in Ireland?!), so it looks like he's just putting random shit everywhere. Like how he's looking for his stuff under Rohan's cot? That's on purpose. "They would never check his bed." And there's that idea I had that he's always reverse-pickpocketing things onto Rohan as his 'extra pockets'. 😆

But that leads to Angus being the one who knows where stuff is. Would not be surprised - would be delighted - if he's the one doing inventory on Cathbad's stuff to keep Rohan from screwing it up, and if Cathbad's had to reluctantly ask Angus at least once if he's seen such-and-such powders the last time he was rifling through Cathbad's things. But certainly any time Rohan needs something that's not obviously in plain sight - or even if it is but he's just not sure if it's 'safe' - he shouts for Angus to tell him where it is. Rohan is Angus' extra pockets, and Angus is Rohan's extra memory (you know, the guy who famously gets distracted by gold and girls all the time).

So that's how they grew up! That's their dynamic. Angus reacts and problem-solves, Rohan recognizes and repeats. Angus feels like he's earning his keep around here, and Rohan feels like Angus finally stopped thinking he has to earn anything (lol. Rofl, even).

Bring in Rohan's new life. Post-canon. Where is he?

Confidently embodying Draganta

About to learn what it's like to be a prince

Realizing he has a real mom and a real brother (feelings towards them are irrelevant) and maybe even a real dad too

Surrounded by royal friends

Eating at the king's table, and even telling others to get food and say Rohan sent them (like he did with Human!Aideen)

Free access to Cathbad's chamber

Experience leading Kells' army and telling everyone to stand down

It's impressive. Especially when that all happened because he yelled at the king lmao

What I'm picturing is that Rohan starts feeling welcomed by the others. He's Kells' champion, he's genuinely friends with the princess, so everyone expects him to be at the castle.

Deirdre and occasionally Ivar and Garrett like to talk about things royalty is expected to do - sometimes smugly. But from one royal to another royal, it's meant to be reassuring and almost ironically smug. It's something non-royals wouldn't get. After a while, Rohan (who's Maeve's son) would have one of them point out that he is a prince. Not in a flashy way, because it's not like they'd expect him to change overnight, but they'd certain start giving him advice and reassurances.

For example:

"Rohan, your shirt's ripped."

"Is it? Oh. I'll have Angus take a look at it later."

"Don't be ridiculous. We have a seamstress right here."

"... You want your seamstress to mend my shirt?"

"She'll only need a moment. You're a prince; you shouldn't be walking around with holes in your shirt."

"... Oh."

"In fact, you could do with a new shirt altogether."

"Oh, that isn't necess-"

"Call it a gift. It's a token to thank you for... well... banishing your mother. :/"

":/ I banished my mother and all I get is a shirt?"

"A nice one. 😌"

"Oh. Well, thank you. :)"

"If you have any other holes in your clothes, you can bring them over too."

"Wow. :) Well. Thank you, Deirdre."

"Of course. 😌"

Normal conversation, right? Deirdre's being nice, and only trying to get Rohan to accept her kindness by invoking the Royalty Rationalization: where you're supposed to let servants do shit for you because that's the natural order of being royalty, dw about it.

And Rohan, being new to this, would find it worth telling Angus about (SEE? He can't have any solo adventures without them involving Angus somehow 😭). He might laugh about it, and outright say, "Deirdre said I could because I'm a prince."

Angus could say, "That's clever, 'cause I was gonna ask when they'd do mine."

You know. Subconsciously noting the subtle class divide that's never previously existed. It's not enough for either of them to know it's what happened, but the words have been spoken out loud.

Here's where things deviate from usual Mean Rohan Is Mean and Does Not Appreciate How Much Angus Sacrifices for Him scenario. Normally, I'd be like, "Rohan laughs it off and they never bring it up again. It's just some unspoken privilege for Rohan now, and it doesn't bother Angus in isolation, but it's not gonna be in isolation for long."

We're not doing that. I'm bored with that. Asshole/Thoughtless!Rohan is so 2023, I just decided.

Instead, Rohan... kinda goes to bed that night thinking about this. He thinks it's nice Deirdre offered, and he's not planning to have it happen all the time. He might be a prince, but he didn't grow up as one. It'd be weird to start acting like it now. But... since Deirdre is offering, maybe he'll take her up on it.

And it's a gift, right? To thank him?

It's like the 6th century or something - these people don't have giant closets, and I only remember Rohan having three or four outfits: the red shirt with the chainmail, the yellow shirt and the... tunic thing he has at the beginning, and I think he has a blue shirt at one point. Not a lot of stuff. So bringing like six articles of clothing isn't a huge deal.

But he's wondering if he could bring - maybe... ten articles. Maybe. If that's too much, then maybe only eight.

Because he's not the only one with holes in his stuff, and Angus has been stitching both their clothes for years. It'd be a nice surprise, wouldn't it? Getting some of his things stitched too?

He finds Deirdre the next morning and asks (in that very polite, very demure way he has of asking sometimes) if it'd be too much trouble for him to bring some of Angus' things as a well. As a double-gift, if that's all right. Rohan defeated Maeve but technically Angus was the one who flew Maeve to wherever she is now, and he'll just keep rambling his way into why it would make sense until Deirdre finally cuts him off and says, "Rohan, it's fine. Of course you can. You're both welcome to anything we have. He's a knight too, and we're friends. :)"

And Rohan's obviously still thinking as a peasant, because he reflexively assumes that obviously he's not welcome to anything they have. He's a guest in the castle. But he'll accept the gift. After all, he's a prince, and he can't have holes in his shirt, right? :D

He gets his clothes sewn up. He gets Angus' clothes sewn up. Surprisingly, he sees the seamstress start to cut up spots that weren't ripped, but when he asks, she says there were actually stitches there as well. Apparently Angus is quite good at mending tears, because Rohan didn't even know those parts were mended. But he isn't as good as the seamstress, who spotted the handiwork clear as day. She reopens them to mend them again, this time making them invisible, as is simply expected when handling royalty's clothes.

And there's - uh... a lot to mend. Angus' clothes are thicker and don't get scuffed up nearly as much as Rohan's do, so Angus' hardly need a fraction of the work. But the seamstress gets to one of Rohan's shirts and asks if this is the one he's going to replace. There wasn't any talk about replacing a shirt, and it takes Rohan a while to realize this is the polite way of telling a prince that their shirt sucks and it's more holes than fabric, get a new one.

Rohan meekly says to skip mending that one, and when Deirdre asks later if it's all finished, Rohan mentions this. To which Deirdre rolls her eyes and tells Rohan he can have a new shirt, to which Rohan asks if this is the same as the new shirt she said he was getting, to which Deirdre says obviously not 🙄, because Rohan's shirts take two seconds to sew so this one doesn't count.

"You're a prince, Rohan. When I say you're getting a new shirt, I mean a nice one. With nice fabric. Replacing one of yours isn't even something you should have to decide."

It's a neat little moment, where the 'yours' calls back to the class divide that has always existed. A year ago, Rohan might have thought she was insulting him. Now, though, knowing he's royalty as well... he starts to understand the joke. The irony in saying his 'peasant shirts' are so easy to replace is her way of emphatically inviting him to accept the offer, because surely he can understand the difference between a 'nice' shirt - requiring effort and time and also permission - and one of 'his' shirts, which he has an open door to ask for any time he'd like.

It's odd, because it does feel reassuring. Something about it makes him understand that he isn't imposing or stepping out of line. He's still nervous, and he isn't planning to make this a habit, but he finally accepts that he doesn't need to grovel over it.

Although the smile on Deirdre's face implies the grovelling's appreciated, only because it emphatically shows his gratitude.

He gets it. He's never seen the dynamic revealed before, but he suddenly understands how the formality means nothing and yet everything all at once. There's an oddly special sincerity in him being so shy to take these favours when he's supposed to be "of the class" that wouldn't think twice about it.

If trucks existed, the contrast would've hit him like one when he returned to the seamstress to find Ivar casually describing the detailed shape of new socks to her.

Rohan didn't even know socks had other shapes than 'sock'.

He gets a new shirt. :)

... And it takes some awkward conversation with Ivar and very little eye contact with the seamstress before he can ask for a second one for Angus.

Rohan's delighted to surprise Angus with everything. Angus is delighted too - first, that Deirdre even let his clothes in the castle, and second, that the royal court seamstress made him a shirt. He's not even royal! It's hilarious! But it's greatly appreciated, because Rohan could've easily not bothered.

And again, it's not quite speaking to their new class divide. Angus isn't grovelling. He's thanking Rohan the same as if it'd been birthday. There's a thrill to that, knowing Rohan didn't have to wait for a birthday. Or for any special occasion. He wanted a shirt for him and Angus, and Rohan got those shirts. It was nerve-wracking, so he can't play it off like Deirdre would by saying it's a trivial thing for him to do. But he does take joy in knowing he got to 'cheat' a bit by having a special occasion on a regular day. The thrill of that is mutually understood.

But there's the divide. The beginning of the separation. This is going to be - someday - normal for Rohan. And it's going to still be a big surprise for Angus. That thought's not consciously in their heads, but if they knew what each other was thinking, Angus would be amazed Rohan was already puzzling over when the 'next time' would be, while Angus had naturally assumed there wouldn't be a next time at all. One of them is royal. One of them isn't.

One of them had learned that socks could be tailored to a person's foot.

One of them was still shocked his clothes were mended, not burned.

It stops being in isolation.

Food.

That's the thing that gives it away.

Rohan and Angus have both gotten used to be being invited to eat at the king's table. They're Mystic Knights, and it lets them discuss their next move.

They are not used to being invited for breakfast "just because."

Rohan's not sure what he thought was exactly happening in the castle. Ivar and Garrett stayed there; they weren't exactly kicked out to find their own breakfast. But he assumed they had to be with the king or at least the princess to eat in the throne room. He was shocked to find that no, Ivar and Garrett could eat there whenever they wanted.

"Obviously," Garrett said, continuing a pattern with that word, "not when there's a meeting. But you know that. You've been in the throne room before by yourself."

To walk in, to pass through, to speak with someone, perhaps even to unwind with the others... but never to eat there as if he had any ownership over the room.

"I understand," Garrett said. "Kells' castle is impractically small. In every other castle I've lived in, meals are served in their own room, and the throne room is reserved for matters of importance. But there's nowhere else to put the table."

And Garrett punctuates that with a shrug, as if his statement excused everything.

Ivar invites him to breakfast the next morning. Deirdre hears about it and asks if she can come to. Rohan is horrified to hear Garrett and Ivar explain that no, Deirdre can't come, because this is to teach Rohan that he's allowed to be in there without her or the king.

The class divide opens up, and this time in a new. The very horror he had gets addressed, but as its own formality. Ivar and Garrett are royalty, but it's her castle. If they're going to have a party without her, the least they could do is inconvenience themselves.

They settle on saying they'll be up at dawn - far too early to drag the princess out - and that it's all so they can get a brisk air to fully wake them before they train. Obviously, they would not exclude the princess from her own castle. It's simply so inconvenient that it'd be rude to impose an invitation.

It's all so self-aware. Rohan's seeing the inside of the joke revealing itself.

And he wouldn't have given it any other thought (at that moment at least) if Deirdre hadn't casually asked if Angus was going.

They laughed, understanding that Angus would never get up that early. Not to train.

But that's not what they said.

Self-aware again, speaking in formalities again, Ivar said, "You know Angus." And while he transitioned to inviting both Angus and Deirdre to join them later, Rohan was caught by what that really meant.

'Angus has a habit of sneaking into places he's not supposed to be, so he doesn't need an invitation. It wouldn't be a surprise to see him there. It wouldn't be a surprise not to see him.'

'Angus has a habit of sneaking in.'

'Angus would be sneaking in.'

In the moment, Rohan decides not to dwell on that. Later, he starts to think it's nothing... terrible. Later still, he almost thinks it's a compliment. Not everyone gets to sneak in and eat at the king's table but not get in trouble for it. Everyone knows he's a part of their team. He's their friend. He's welcome.

When he speaks to Angus that night, he knows he's almost convinced himself. It's maybe why he wants to go out of his way to say it to Angus, and prove that it really isn't a big deal.

"Do you want to come too?"

Rohan hasn't said Deirdre wouldn't be there, only that Ivar and Garrett would be. He doesn't think it'll spark anything. After all, a prince is a prince. Ivar and Garrett are there, so it means they already asked for permission.

"When is it?"

"Early."

Angus doesn't like that answer.

"You could bring me something back," Angus tries to negotiate.

"I'm not going to stuff pastries down my pants for you," Rohan says. He leaves out adding that it's more than enough to be sitting there without the king or the princess.

"I would," Angus sings.

And that's because that's Angus.

He has a habit of sneaking into places he's not supposed to.

"I don't want your pants-pastries," Rohan says.

Angus enjoys that answer very much.

Rohan brings something back. But he gets it from the cook afterwards. Taking it from the king's table feels like stealing, but asking for it afterwards... It's simply asking for a favour. There's no reason the cook wouldn't do him such a trivial favour.

He starts to see it for what it is: a table. Deirdre's table, but a table nonetheless. Once, the king arrived as Rohan and Ivar were eating there, and joined them. Another time, he and Garrett ate in Garrett's room, simply so they wouldn't be interrupted by anyone else.

And when Angus was there, no one questioned it.

It was Angus. They all knew Angus. And the thought of someone questioning his place here was an insult to them all.

When Angus purposely took extras to have for lunch later, they allowed it by ignoring it. After all, that's just how Angus was: always sneaking food.

It was almost funny that he was doing it. Didn't he know he could sneak in for lunch, too?

No. Obviously not. Because after they'd patrolled and noticed it was lunch, he and Angus instinctively parted ways to eat at home. This was normal. This was what they always did. But now Rohan saw the class divide raw and exposed.

Deirdre, Ivar and Garrett would be eating together at the castle.

To them, he and Angus were choosing to eat at the hut. Away from them. And while it might have meant excluding three of their friends, those friends couldn't simply invite themselves over. He and Angus weren't prepared to feed five mouths. It made sense to exclude them anyway, because he and Angus were best friends, and why wouldn't they want to have lunch at home and uninterrupted?

The truth was he and Angus hadn't known they could go to the castle too.

... Rohan felt foolish for it now. Like he hadn't realized he'd been excluding anybody. How could he? They were royalty! He couldn't just go and join them for a meal when he felt like it.

Except that he could. He was royalty as well.

And...

Well.

They knew Angus. It wouldn't be a surprise either way.

The others were pleasantly surprised when Rohan and Angus walked in for lunch after all.

Rohan spent some of it wondering when the next time would be.

Angus did not seem to realize it was something worth wondering about.

(I'm gonna come back and finish this later. I'm sleepy. uwu)

(edit: okay i'm back)

There's a new set of rules Rohan learns over time: what he's allowed to ask for, what's simply assumed he can have or do, what favours others can refused without malice, and what favours had better have a damn good reason to decline. The power it gives him doesn't take as much getting used to as he thought it would; he just has to be polite, and realize that every time he asks for something now, someone else might get in trouble for saying no.

It's the opposite of how things used to be, where there'd be punishments for saying yes and giving food or favours to peasants without permission. But the concept's the same. He doesn't ask for something they shouldn't give him, and if they quietly slip him something nice (like a warning to not request whatever it was he wanted), he takes it. They were putting their livelihoods on the line to refuse a prince at all - the same as getting caught giving table scraps to common orphans.

He barely asks for anything, of course. He doesn't need anything. Treats and snacks for Angus, maybe something brought back for dinner if Rohan suddenly decided to stay instead of heading back to the hut. It makes up for Angus having to wait to start dinner, just to find that Rohan had eaten already anyway.

Before anyone's patience ran thin at that (especially Angus, who got sour when he was too hungry), Rohan started making changes. If he was going to eat at the castle, they were all going to be there. It was thing to leave the other three out over a misunderstanding, but he couldn't accept leaving out his best friend over the same thing.

So, If he was eating at the castle, he'd find a way to let Angus know. If it meant walking all the way back to the hut to get him, fine. If it meant leaving a note and having Angus catch up with them later, that was alright too. And if they just wanted (or needed) to eat back at the hut by themselves, Rohan would find something for the night. Angus was fine with whatever; he just wanted food.

They could've kept going like this for ages - and Rohan fully intended to in the spring - but it was getting to the time of year where they had to stock up for winter. He mentioned this to Deirdre offhandedly, while he was getting up to meet Angus for exactly that.

Deirdre had had a thoughtful look on her face for a moment.

She had it covered away in the next with a smile.

And she had it revealed in full the day after. She'd talked to her father, she said. With Rohan being the warrior Draganta - and the who'd ended the war - it seemed improper to let him stay out all winter again. Politically so, perhaps, if Temra ever caught word of how Kells was treating their prince. So why not take one of the spare rooms in the castle?

Just for the winter, she repeated. Kells only had so many rooms available.

The slight wince she made saying that gave the divide away again. If Rohan were a 'real' prince, he supposed he'd be offended at the thought of 'taking' a room away from a future, possible, more royal-er guest. But he wasn't, and getting to have a room at all was wildly generous of her. She was glowing with pride at being allowed to offer it - which, he understood, was why she hadn't brought it up yesterday. She needed to make sure the king would approve.

... Speaking of approvals...

"That's very, very nice of you, princess," Rohan said, with his own wince brewing.

"But?"

"But..." There was that power, and he was here on the peasant side. It put him on the verge of refusing royalty, and if he did it for a bad reason, he'd find out fast how 'real' of a prince he wasn't. "... It'd leave Angus alone. I can't leave him in the hut by himself."

The best way to refuse wasn't to refuse. It was to think up an inconvenience their great princess could accept was impossible to overcome.

"Well, unfortunately," Deirdre said, "we don't have two rooms available."

"Aw. That's alrigh-"

"But he can stay with you," Deirdre said. "You two share a hut already. You can share a room with him for a few months."

"And you'd be fine with that," he challenged, curious. "No one would mind him hanging about the castle all day?"

"It's Angus," Deirdre said. "He's here all day anyway. I don't think anyone's ever had luck in keeping him out." She paused. "And if he causes trouble, that's his private room."

A cell.

Fair enough.

"I'll ask him about it," he said. She looked disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm. "Truly, princess, it's very kind of you. But I don't know that he can last that long without causing any trouble."

Equally as fair. That would be their safe way to decline: pin it on Angus giving everybody a headache. It didn't matter if he would or not. It didn't matter if Rohan was practically just as bad. Rohan was a prince. Angus wasn't.

He'd meant it, though. He was going to ask Angus the next time they talked. Did they want to stay at the castle this winter?

"Not with Cathbad," Rohan said, cutting in before Angus made a face. "Deirdre said we'd have our own room. You and me would have to share, but we do that already. She'll even let you have your cell if you don't want to share."

"Hm. That's nice of her." A good answer. A positive one. Angus seemed to be mulling it over, and didn't entirely think it was some elaborate trap. Entirely. He still asked, "Why're we getting our own room?"

"Well -" He could've said a hundred different things. Rohan could have picked so many other ways of saying it, but he picked the one that had - at last - snapped the pieces into place. "- I'm Draganta."

Always, always, always in the past, Angus could've pushed back at that or laughed at him. 'Aren't you special,' perhaps. 'I'm a knight too,' if he was feeling snappy.

But that didn't work anymore.

This was their first time noticing.

Because if Angus tried saying anything about Rohan being Draganta, Rohan could instantly counter by saying he was a prince.

There was nothing either one of them could say to get around that fact.

"Right," Angus said instead, having done the same math and getting Rohan's answer. "You are." And then that had to hang for a while, looming as they awkardly adjusted to the weight of that news. "... Glad it's paying off."

"Yeah," Rohan said. "There's benefits."

Then that had to hang there, too.

"I'll think it over," Angus replied at last. "Winter's long."

Then he walked off before Rohan could answer.

'Winter's long'? What did that mean?

"You can say no if you don't want to," Rohan muttered.

... Well.

Assuming Angus didn't want to.

Winter was long. That couldn't be helped. And Angus didn't technically say 'no'.

"I'll give him some time to think," he said to himself.

Yeah. Yeah, Rohan would wait for a while. Angus probably just wanted to plan how to survive being trapped with all of them. It wouldn't make sense to refuse otherwise.

[arsenalgbt]

Hi CS from ao3 again :) the baby will be a wonderful new beginning for declan and kai regardless of their gender so it's up to you (but you know what I'm partial to heh) so I'm excited about how you'll present that! Also looking forward to Timber's cameo because that will certainly be something... Dare I say the final step of the unknown in the monomyth... Regarding Declan: honestly, it's so fascinating how he is Everything and Nothing at the same time... It's hard to articulate what I think about him because it's such a delicate thing... Above all I'm evidently obsessed with his relationship with Kai because that's the setting where his character virtues and flaws flourish to their maximal extent just because of how complex their relationship is. I think Declan walks on eggshells around everyone he loves because he's perpetually scared of being "found out". Found out for what? He doesn't even know it himself. Found out for being a fraud, for being the villain, for being a bad husband, a bad person, a bad son, a bad brother, a failed son, a failed heir. Found out for not being the Declan (more like Declans, plural, the million and one Declans he created to make up for the fact that he's him) that everyone thinks he is and wants him to be. His relationship with Kai is both a release and a prison, and the only thing he needs to do for it to stop being the latter is to break free from himself which he cannot bring himself to do. There is soo much hatred that goes into his self-perception, he aids and abets every person that comes to swing at him. I think that this relationship with WDB is so interesting because that's his family but also he is in exile? self-imposed exile? The way he describes them at times it's like he's on the outside looking in but that's not true. He's there. He's wanted there. I think he finds refuge in the lighthearted moments with them because when he gets too into his head he reads into everything and bathes in the calamitous mistakes he's done (eg with Ben), but like, that's his family, he knows that, but family is fucked to him, like the concept isn't the most cohesive, it's too abstract, has too much teeth, not picture friendly, it doesn't make sense (that fucked picture of the family isn't being helped by the idea that the man he loves might be having the kid of the man he couldn't give up on). He'll kill himself before he goes to them because he thinks he's too much, I honestly think he sees himself as a burden in an empty room. However the flowers from KT... idc if I'm reading too much into it! That's a step in the right direction! He's keeping something alive! He's accepting something from his friend and cherishing it! He's embracing the earth and the baser feelings he used to abhor because of how easy of target it made him! When it comes to Mikel I'm LOL at that moment honestly he's not normal around him re: my point on family but it's getting better and I think that the way he goes to Mikel when he's in distress/needs an ear or someone to tell it to him says a lot (like i said, show don't tell!) but he also walks on eggshells around him though less carefully than the others because I feel like he feels transparent around Mikel. Like he sees right through him. Mikel is the person who finds him out. Anyway yeah he's so good... can't wait to see where he goes... Regarding your other questions: I don't watch f1, I'm not against ever writing for arsenal but that'll have to be on anon on ao3 haha (if you want me to write something specific i could give it a try?), I'm an arsenal fan (not really a gunnerina? I follow arsenal accounts on my blog but I'm not very active on any socmed) and randomly looked them up on ao3 and that's how I found your fic, I'm not the biggest fic reader and i don't really read rpf but I gave it a try. Good luck with writing the next instalment and looking forward to reading it!

HALLO! Spinnechen and jurrien’s cameo, trust………….

Above all I'm evidently obsessed with his relationship with Kai because that's the setting where his character virtues and flaws flourish to their maximal extent just because of how complex their relationship is.

OOOOO that, plus your previous deckai always in their best behaviour, their best life, when they are inside closed doors…….. BUT HELLOUR. No. he’s not the villain but we can agree to disagree on everything else (fraud villain bad husband/person/brother etc lol).

There is soo much hatred that goes into his self-perception, he aids and abets every person that comes to swing at him.

FIRSTLY I CRIED

I think that this relationship with WDB is so interesting because that's his family but also he is in exile? self-imposed exile? The way he describes them at times it's like he's on the outside looking in but that's not true. ////// but like, that's his family, he knows that, but family is fucked to him, like the concept isn't the most cohesive, it's too abstract, has too much teeth, not picture friendly, it doesn't make sense (that fucked picture of the family isn't being helped by the idea that the man he loves might be having the kid of the man he couldn't give up on). He'll kill himself before he goes to them because he thinks he's too much, I honestly think he sees himself as a burden in an empty room. 

SECONDLY that’s the second time ppl actually mentioning declan’s tendency to murk himself. Even i, who actually wrote that particular chapter, tend to forget. Sigh. THE ((( that's his family, he knows that, but family is fucked to him, like the concept isn't the most cohesive, it's too abstract, has too much teeth, not picture friendly, )))

MATE…………. I love it. Indeed the concept of family is foreign to declan. Do you know why he said yes to the arranged marriage aside from ‘saving his family biz from bankruptcy, thus he can still provide for his employees’? Yeah… not gonna spoil it for y’all but y’all can sense why.

However the flowers from KT... idc if I'm reading too much into it! That's a step in the right direction! He's keeping something alive! He's accepting something from his friend and cherishing it!

but he also walks on eggshells around him though less carefully than the others because I feel like he feels transparent around Mikel.

!!!!!!!!

More like; because mikel is way toooooooo trained to read him from the years he ‘endured’ declan’s very own brand of cruelty. Ooo how declan hated mikel with every inch of his being. Also yes, declan totally not normal about mikel since day 1 (but nothing psychosexual, thankfully)

Ooooooo ur not a gunnerinna that’s alright!

PLEASE i’ve thought long n hard about your offer holy shit mate!!!! go crazy posting on anon; DECKAI FAKE DATING, pls thx. I have never written this trope pls write it for me. That’s the tldr version, if you need a more detailed prompt I will yap but won’t be detailed ofc!!!

My wants list is just; any rating, if it’s gon have pr0n you know i’m only into bottom kai agenda. That’s it!

Also deffo no pressure whatsoever. Just write whenever u have time write whatever style u have etc etc. i joke (demand) my gunnerinna a lot to write a fic for me but srsly i’m just a man lol.

eye thank you so much for indulging me about my fic and declan's characterisation. he's fucking crazy.

[yizuuh]

A Short CNF Story: Where Buried Dreams Go

Alternate Title: How Childless I've Become Until I Dreamt

As a child, life was easy. It was all about eating, sleeping, and playing. The same pattern appeared every day. I could've dreamt of everything I wanted to be.

I used to dream of being a singer when I was 5. I'd sing all day, even to the point where my parents would be annoyed at how loud I was being. I asked for a piano for my 7th birthday. I practiced on my own, sometimes with an older friend when they were available. I was so invested in singing; I took up singing lessons when I was 10. I'd even attended the practicum where I sang in front of audiences. I didn't make it big though. I stopped right after that, but my passion for singing never left me. That’s what I thought.

I started reading books, Wattpad books especially. Wattpad was so popular during my 5th grade. I collected a lot and stuffed them in one of my drawers in the closet. I'd even sell some of my Wattpad books to buy new books to read. Long enough, my love for Wattpad books turned to novels. I'd always go inside the bookstore to add books to my collection. Reading became the source of my imagination and a way to escape my sad reality. It inspired me to write short stories and poems. I still have those somewhere in my cabinet. I wrote about heartbreaks and suicide. Those things fascinate me as much as I'm scared of them. I've been a bit edgy since then. It made me dream of becoming a writer and published my stories and poems in the future.

But seeing other people’s work, clearly more polished and refined than mine, made me lose confidence in writing. I thought to myself that I would never be better than them or even be like them.

Then I got to the world of editing and animation. Watching anime became a hobby of mine. I was so fascinated with editing that I even made my own YouTube channel for my video edits. I spent hours and hours finishing my videos and share them with my friends. Progress was made, little by little, from the plain background music to the popping lyrics followed by the shaking background. I studied how to effectively use transitions and elements. I once dreamed to animate my anime or join one of the famous animation studios. It was rather silly. That editing hobby of mine got spread by someone I don't know. Sooner, I was assigned to be the editor all the time for our group activities. That put on pressure on me too much, so I dropped editing.

My father is a professor at the university I am studying at. I remember him teaching me every time I have my exams. He would make me my reviewers and quiz me every time. My parents are so strict that I'm pressured to study every time I get. Friends of mine would come to me whenever they needed help in their studies and assignments. I've become their tutor for free. They would even ask me for my advice on some stuff. This made me think that I could be a good teacher or a counselor.

Then my studies became a lot harder. My grades started lowering, but not to the point that I was failing my class. My father became stricter than ever. He slowly lost his confidence in me and blamed my source of entertainment and hobbies for becoming dumber. How could I teach others when I can’t even lift my studies?

I noticed that as time went by, my burning passion was slowly extinguishing. As I got older, I became duller than ever. Everything was gray. Whatever I wanted to be, there was always something that hinders me.

College was nearing. I felt so helpless. I have no idea what to do with my life. The dreams I had faded into the dark with no way for me to reach them. I thought to myself, "I need to be practical. Would those dreams help my future? Do they make money? Are they achievable?" I was so scared that I would end up with no career.

My flame burnt out. My own insecurities ate me up. I lost my confidence in whatever I did. I became a puppet who did everything that was told to. I became a copycat of my friends; I based my decisions on whatever they did. I felt like a shattered mirror with missing pieces. I didn't know who I was seeing from the reflection.

But then my friends asked me, "What do YOU want to do?" All I want is to be happy.

They helped me picked up my broken pieces and fixed myself up. I started first by doing what I used to love: Singing. I poured all my insecurities and glooming thoughts on singing and wrote my own lyrics. I came back to music. I even bought a new instrument for me to learn. I came back to writing from time to time. I made a new stack of poems and lyric compositions that will be hidden from the world, but it will always be important to me.

Then I came across this course. It was pulling me in like a whirlpool. Its letters glimmering in shining lights. Psychology. I looked it up on the internet. It attracted me so much that I didn't realize that my education path was already gravitating towards it. I want to learn. I want to know. I want to know about people. I want to know their thoughts. I want to understand them. Then maybe I can understand myself.

All I ever thought was that I let my dreams slip away from my hand, but no. I buried them myself. I was such a coward for doing so. I now have a path to take on, and I won't let my fears take control. Practicality? Money? Sure, that is important. But hey, I deserve to be happy. Life was easy back then. It gives you the freedom to hope, and freedom to dream. Adulting made me realize my insecurities and inferiorities. Adulting pressured me to become an adult. But all I needed was a little push in the back. Use that pressure to motivate yourself to find the best version of yourself. Ignorance is a Bliss? No, heads up and take it on.

[sillygoofyqueer]

I'm doing a FOLLOW UP!!! I never do those. Xie Lian staring at everything, contemplating how on earth people are paying for things and desperately wanting to buy these things. He asks Hua Cheng what to do and he just buries his face in his hands and sobs "I DON'T KNOW, GEGE, THIS LOWLY SERVANT IS INCREDIBLY SORRY." A passing cosplayer overhears this exchange and assumes that they just don't have any money (they do, just not the type that is normal nowadays), so helpfully offers the idea of busking. Xie Lian's eyes actively light up, dragging Hua Cheng along as he goes to find somewhere to start performing. He could do some dancing, people around here seem to enjoy his dances....

Meanwhile, Luo Binghe is hating the stares at both himself and Shen Yuan - he knows that people liked the way he looked, and the way Shen Yuan looked, but they never look at them like THIS!!! He's positively moody, and doesn't even remotely begin to entertain anyone flirting with him, snarling at those who dare look at Shen Yuan for too long, shaking his fist at them and acting more demonic than usual. Shen Yuan is completely unaware of this, fan over his face and radiating untouchable immortal, signing up for the costume contest with Luo Binghe and only then realising that he has lost the other four. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji? They are actively having the time of their lives. Wei Wuxian immediately finds a place for alcohol and just slams a gold coin down with zero hesitation. It's literally GOLD so the bartender is like "...well, I can do something with this, plus this guy's cute-" so, bottle of alcohol procured. Next? Wei Wuxian goes wild, with Lan Wangji close behind. Casually sitting in the corner and playing a harmony with their instruments (also accidentally busking), until they bump into Hua Cheng, who had been going to scare off any competition for Gege, even though he didn't really need to because Xie Lian is obviously incredible. Wei Wuxian now has money after both his accidental busking, then a joint one with Xie Lian, and literally nobody can stop him from wandering through the stalls and buying everything. THIS IS ALL EVEN BETTER IF WE'RE GOING 'their worlds are actually danmei in the this world' because then there's a bunch of instances where they bump into people that seem to be trying to...look like them?? It happens to Lan Wangji first, and he doesn't have any visible reaction - meanwhile, Wei Wuxian is laughing his ass off, joking about how he now has two Lan Zhans, and this is when Lan Wangji gets irritated. When it happens to Wei Wuxian himself, he jokingly demands that they duel for the right to be Wei Wuxian, because 'there can only be one'. And so, he has to be physically dragged away when the cosplayer plays along and pulls out a (authentic looking) sword, leading to Wei Wuxian assuming he took it seriously and immediately draws Subian - and this is when Shen Yuan finds them, just before Lan Wangji can start cheering Wei Ying on. Xie Lian just starts laughing, assuming that this is a mockery of him after all of the years of being mocked, then realising that it's actually really good and immediately asking so many questions - how did you make this? Is this your hair? What is a wig?? You made this? It's so good!! - whilst being stood there with authentic robes themself (nobody can tell me he didn't have to try and repair his own robes all the time, that man had no money), so he knows how much effort it must have taken! He's fascinated!! He soon becomes seen as the extremely friendly, extremely in-character Xie Lian cosplayer with the best cosplay ever, and yet he's complimenting everyone - from the amateurs to the experienced. Hua Cheng is at first not very bothered by all of the 'fakes' of him, despite accidentally mistaking a few for his own clones, until he watches someone cosplaying as him give their partner (cosplaying Xie Lian) a friendly little push. IS THIS HOW PEOPLE SEE HIM??? After that, he's absolutely begging for Gege to forgive him for being seen as treating Xie Lian in such a manner. Luo Binghe does not give a single shit. There are demons trying to imitate his style all the time, why should he bother with them? He appreciates the outfits of some, scorns others, questions Shizun to see if he's still the best ("nothing's better than the real thing, Binghe"). Shen Yuan is having the time of his life. He was never that good at cosplay, so he can still appreciate the others' attempts (he is cheating, okay?), and he is quick to stick up for anyone being mocked for their cosplay attempts. He gets it, alright? He was an amateur cosplayer when he was living in this world and it sucks to have people mock your genuine attempts.

HEAR ME OUT!!! What about, right, an AU where the main MXTX couples are somehow dropped into modern times (or...transmigrated back, in Shen Yuan's case), but they're still obviously from historical times. Instead of panicking or getting concerned like everyone else, Shen Yuan immediately finds the nearest, biggest cosplay convention and drags them all there so he can show off their awesome "costumes" (a win is a win, no matter the specifics). Cut to the couples strolling through the con, with Luo Binghe looking out of his depth, Xie Lian questioning everything and Hua Cheng hating that he doesn't have the answers for once, Lan Wangji the picture of serenity despite everything, Wei Wuxian looking like he literally belongs there, and Shen Yuan. Literally the picture of smugness. Everyone gawking and him being like "Oh hell yeah. Take a wild look at us guys."

[darsiared]

OBSESSION

CHAPTER 2 : AN UNFAIR GAME

  ∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘●∘◦❀◦∘

Gojo sat on the cafe table, enjoying his favorite choco lava cake. There weren't many customers around, as it was close to the closing hours.

His fluffy sofa chair was warm and comfortable, the music playing softly was pretty soothing and he would be having the most relaxing moment of the day, if it wasn't for the stranger sitting beside him, greedily examining his every move.

He would have found her annoying if she kept on pestering him about getting the job done, but the way she patiently waited for him to finish his cake, have his personal time and start the conversation, he admitted that he didn't mind being in the company of people like this.

"You've got some great manners for someone who's a stalker." said Gojo, as he finished his dessert.

"Well, from my experience, the most well- mannered people are always the sketchiest under cover." the girl replied, with a soft smile on her sharp face.

"So, you admit on being sketchy?"

"I'm self aware."

Gojo held back the smile that was trying to force it's way all over his face. This was beyond entertaining, but of course, he had a job to do.

"So, let's get to business." he said, his words draping their table in a layer of tension that they were actively trying to ignore before now.

Gojo knew this negotiation was going to be a tug of war for dominance. The first one to get an upper hand on the other will win the game.

"So first of all, did you find the cursed tool yourself?" he asked, intentionally adding a tone of authority to his voice.

"If you're asking about whether I work for some curse or curse user organization or group, then no. I am working singularly, for my own reasons and interests. No person pulling the strings from behind exists." she answered.

"Ok, then where, when and how did you get your hands on the cursed tool?" he inquired further.

"I'm afraid, I can't tell you that." she said, in a finalizing tone that made it obvious to Gojo that he couldn't force any information out of her that she didn't already intend to reveal.

This was a troublesome opponent to trick.

"No dear," he said, putting on his best professional smile. "We can't do healthy business if there's no mutual trust. No matter how good the bargain is, if the chance of losing is much more than the benefit, I wouldn't put my money on it."

That was, obviously, total bullshit. He would happily bet everything on a losing game, if it was fun. Gojo wasn't the kind of guy that people liked to describe using words like careful and discreet.

"So, you're telling me that if I can't win your trust, you'll abandon this deal?" she asked, totally seeing through his facade.

She knew that she had way too strong of a leverage. The moment she showed the cursed tool in her hand, she already had an indisputable upper hand.

"No madam, I'm just saying that if you're not interested in business then I can always use force." said Gojo with a fearful tone of utter confidence in his voice.

Sure, she was crafty. But there was only so far she could go with her little mind games before getting obliterated by absolute strength.

"I'm trying to make this arrangement mutually beneficial, but if you don't co-operate you might end up with nothing." Gojo said, placing his arms on the table, interlocking his fingers.

He leaned forward with a cocky smile on his face and said, "Just so you know, I am taking that cursed tool with me today, this way or that."

And for the first time, she seemed to be at a loss of words. Her bright purple eyes wide open, she looked at Gojo, both scared and fascinated.

Gojo relaxed in his chair, enjoying his victory.

The girl sighed, slowly recovering from the shock of the threat.

"Well I knew it would come to this, now or next." she said. "But knowing doesn't really do anything to prepare you to face that kind of power, does it? As expected of the strongest, I guess."

She straightened up in her chair, placing her elbows on the table and rested her face on her hands, her eyes clearly telling him that she was not even close to being defeated.

"Well, Mr. Strongest. What's the longest time you have gone without flaunting your strength in someone's face? Do you always tell people that you're the strongest the second you meet them?" she purred, her eyes teasing him to make a mistake.

"I usually don't have to introduce myself. Most of the people are always already aware of my brilliance." he replied, playing along.

The girl squinted at him and started stirring her coffee, which had gone completely cold now.

"You indeed are strong. There is no doubt in that." she said, her eyes fixated on the swirling coffee.

Gojo suddenly felt an urge to put his guard up, as if he was getting nearer to an unknown wild animal.

"Strong enough that you don't even have to go through the trouble of negotiating with me. Strong enough to just snatch the cursed tool away from me, with me unable to do anything about it. Strong enough that I won't last even a second fighting against you, even if you were given a hundred handicaps." she said in a honey like sweet voice.

She looked up at Gojo and smiled as she continued.

"But apparently, not strong enough to find that cursed tool by yourself, even after searching for years." she whispered, frowning at him mockingly.

Gojo had to begrudgingly admit that she was right there. That cursed tool was incredibly powerful. It's cursed energy was sealed so well, that even he couldn't sense it, even with the tool lying just across the table.

The fact that someone with so weak cursed energy as her could find it and extract it from wherever it was sealed was ridiculous.

The girl stopped stirring her coffee and gulped it down in one go.

"Yes, if you force me to hand you the tool now, I won't be able to resist. But I'm sure you don't want this miraculously beneficial deal to end in just one exchange." she said, finally using the ace up her sleeve.

She had more cursed items like this.

"Ridiculous!" said Gojo, shaking his head in disbelief. " I get it you got lucky one time, but there's no way you can-... "

His rambling got interrupted by her pulling a locket like object that she was wearing around her neck out of her hoodie which had a heart shaped blood red stone embedded into it.

Gojo felt like he was having a fever dream.

No way.

The pulsating demon heart.

It was another one of the extremely rare and ancient cursed tools.

A tool that not only aided a normal person with no Jujutsu abilities to see and feel the curses and cursed energy but also gave them some cursed energy to use as their own.

It was mentioned in the primordial Jujustsu scriptures that this tool possessed infinite cursed energy, just like Gojo's cursed energy.

But the amount of cursed energy that its wearer was able to draw out of it depended on how much the tool's incredibly evil aura resonated with its master.

Her extremely low cursed energy might as well be a facade to fool him, while her actual strength was now a complete mystery to him.

The tool had only been considered a part of some lost folklore, as it had not been seen or sensed for hundreds of years. But some speculations were made that when the extremely powerful Shizuka clan went into hinding a thousand years ago after the losing hundreds of lives to the war against Sukuna, they took the possession of the majority of the powerful cursed tools at that time.

This tool was also believed to be hidden in the Shizuka clan's secret lair, never to be retrieved back to the outside.

Gojo now realised how his overconfidence lead him to make the huge mistake of underestimating this girl.

If his deduction was correct, she might as well be the clan leader of the renown and legendary Shizuka clan that was believed to be dead by now.

His mind was swirling with thousands of thoughts and emotions but the first thing he asked her was something very obvious.

"You're a non- shaman."

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