#he doesn’t (and won’t) treat sam like an equal brother. he treats him like a wife/atticwife/cheating wife because it’s how he sees sam

[lambmotifz]

“wincest isn’t canon!” dean winchester canonically thinks that “little brother” is a synonym for “wife”

[selttiks4313]

If I were smart or patient enough I would write the best spn/house au and it would be so so so good you guys.

Imagine if you will…

Non spn/human au

Dean takes care of Sammy (obv) and whenever he’s sick they go to the free clinic. John brings them once or twice. House clocks John as an alcoholic probably. Knows he’s ex military (the way Dean calls him sir etc.) and feels for the boys because we all know houses dad was a pos too. Treats John like shit but good with Sam. (Good in deans eyes, even better in Sam’s)

Eventually John stops coming around (dead? Lost custody? Idk idc) and it’s just Dean at Sammy’s apts. (maybe Bobby or Ellen in an emergency?? House could ask Sam where his brother is etc.)

House and Dean vibe even when he’s young. Dean just wants to get in and get out and not waste his or houses time. Sammy doesn’t complain either which is unlike most kids. House is an ass but Dean enjoys those visits more than when he sees other providers.

(I feel like Dean comes in one day (an adult at drinking age atp) and house wants to kill time to piss off Cuddy and Dean doesn’t wanna go back to work. This is when the primary bonding happens.)

They watch general hospital together in the exam room and talk about dr sexy. They leer at nurses and Cuddy. They talk about deans car and houses bike. Having shitty dads. Music, bad horror movies.

Dean likes Wilson too. He comes around sometimes and seems nice enough. Dean notices something is kinda up with those two but it isn’t his business. Wilson’s third wife sounds unbearable.

They don’t ever hangout or anything. (Unless? Maybe they run into each other at a bar a few times? Moody drinking and talking music or something equally them. But never intentionally hanging out) Their worlds don’t blur that much. I’m thinking more like random hijinx leading them to having several interactions (10+?) over the years.

Charlie breaks an arm or something. Benny needs stitches and won’t let Dean do it. Bobby’s been sick for two months and refuses to be seen until Dean makes him go in. STD check up (House would have a field day with this) IDK just random instances to where they have a bit of familiarity with one another.

I feel like House would call Dean “the ken doll” Winchester. Dean would flirt with Cameron and House would be delighted. Etc etc. Just random instances through out the years where they recognize and respect each other. Nothing more.

Until

Cas gets sick. Weird sick, needs houses expertise sick. No one at the clinic is taking Dean’s concerns about Cas seriously. (I feel like Cas having major personality changes would be Interesting maybe?? Like combo of godstiel/insane Cas. Maybe a seizure or two?? Idk something!) Until Dean sees House in the hallway. House agrees to see him because he likes Dean and he’s bored.

Normal medical malpractice ensues blah blah blah

But

Deans reaction to Cas being sick is unsettling to house. They’re just friends right? This is the guy Deans mentioned to him in passing before?

But why does Dean look at him (Cas) like that? Why is he holding his hand? Why did he brush the hair out of his eyes?

Dean once referred to this Cas guy as his own Wilson. But House doesn’t look at Wilson like that, does he?? *Insert House spiral here*

Wilson also gets nervous watching them together or hearing them talk about each other. I think he and Cas need to bond. Both in love with grumpy men who are too afraid to allow themselves to love.

Oooo Cas reprimanding Dean for being rude in almost identical fashion to how Wilson did to House before they entered the room. That would be hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious. Very funny to imagine the ducklings searching Deans place. (Not the bunker. Maybe Bobbys? Maybe an apt above the roadhouse?)

I just know they would have lots to say. Forced masculinity comments with the nudie magazines/calendars etc. Surprisingly good/healthy ingredients/food in the house? Dean cooks apparently. Books on mechanical engineering and fantasy/sci-fi novels.

I feel like he and Cas need to be roommates for some reason in this 🤔. Maybe Cas has just moved in? Escaped his family’s religious extremist right wing bs. Maybe he doesn’t even have a room yet??? Maybe he and Dean share.

Ducklings taking bets on if Dean and Cas are dating, besties, or in love but repressed. “Sounds like two other men best friends that we know” *foreman voice*

House saves Cas because of course he does. Dean cries and rests their foreheads together and House feels uncomfy watching this and skedaddles.

Something about seeing them together will push him and/or Wilson to make a move finally. Not sure who or how yet.

I want to write this soooooo bad but I know I’ll never finish it. Someone want to write this for me?? It would be so good I just know it!!!!

[basilhearsanoise]

pleaseee elaborate on your homophobic sam take. it’s very compelling. i always thought sam’s early plotline with the demon blood was a queer allegory, but your explanation for his attitude towards dean’s bisexuality makes a lot of sense now that i think about it

WOW I'M A REAL SUPERNATURAL BLOG NOW YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THIS MADE MY DAY I WILL ABSOLUTELY ELABORATE THANK YOU

there are So Many Layers i probably won't even be able to get them all down but here's some major ones. from the get-go, sam is The Opposite of dean on so many issues, and essentially throughout the show they flip. this is most notably demonstrated by the fact that sam starts out as a Devout Christian (or at least we are to assume that he is christian given his approach to prayer, god, angels, etc) and by the end of the show sam is completely and utterly devoid of faith. whereas dean is like If There's A God In Heaven, What's He Waiting For? - Elton John.mp3 in the beginning of the show, and by the end he's like "i have faith in humanity, in spirituality, in CASTIEL, in MY SON JACK," by the end. but this is just one of the MANY issues they flip back and forth on, or just slowly and surely change their perspectives to be more like the way the other brother started.

1. should we tell people there are monsters? dean says "we can't tell anyone they exist the whole world will panic" vs. sam says "they have a RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE"

but also. are all monsters evil? dean says "yes, they kill innocent people and they killed my mother and destroyed my life, they ALL deserve to die" but sam says "SOME of them must be good....it's not THEIR FAULT they're disgusting, evil and eat people uwu"

monsters/cryptids/spirits/folklore etc have virtually always been, in some way shape or form, a queer allegory themselves. the shapeshifter arc spoke to me as a trans person on a deep personal level. dracula was essentially racist propaganda. so if we take this allegory to supernatural, and say, "acceptance of monsters = acceptance of queerness" dean's hatred of them is a hatred of himself, his own inner monster, his own internalized homophobia - in addition to the fact that because he IS a queer man who has been VICTIM to REAL VIOLENT homophobia before, it would make sense that he is #antifa #acab #kill all the nazis forever #don't waste time trying to make monsters good when you could save good people from them instead. which is like. a reasonable response to have to a group of people that systematically try to kill you. but that also makes sam's "oh pity the monster dean, don't kill it, FORGIVE, JUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO ~ REPENT ~ THEIR SINS" ....like, even in later seasons he is saying stuff like this, and while it's true that dean SHOULD forgive some of the monsters that sam says this about, it still reads to me as two major red flags of 1. forgive your abusers to be the better person and 2. "hate the sin, not the sinner" rhetoric. sam doesn't actually give a shit about any of these monsters he gives a shit about keeping his own ideological purity. he sounds like scary youth pastors i had as a child.

this is further demonstrated by the fact that as dean becomes more accepting of his sexuality as the show goes on, he becomes more accepting of monsters. that's benny's ENTIRE EXISTENCE AS A CHARACTER: "i accept this vampire because he is honorable, and manly, and looks really fuckin cute in suspenders." that's also why sam hates benny so much even though he's the one who's been like "but monsters can be good T__T" this whole time. what the fuck other reason would he have to hate benny so much?

this is also CLEARLY the ENTIRE subtext of the Demon Dean arc - Sam FLIPS OUT about him going off with crowley because he could FORGIVE one little crush on an angel, because of the fact that he's an angel, and also because dean wasn't "shoving his unholy lifestyle down everyone's throats" but demon dean is....loudly, angrily, gay. demon dean is a manifestation of all the gayness that dean has suppressed his whole life and now he's "too indecent" for sam. this is FURTHER demonstrated by the fact that crowley literally yells at dean to "pick a side" after demon dean sides with the slighted wife in a demon deal instead of the cheating husband, literally because of the fact that the husband says "men are just supposed to sleep around" and dean gets so mad about this sexism that he kills him.

this is dean not only rejecting sexism more than sam literally ever actually does in the show (everything he says about it reads to me as idle posturing Fake Woke Shit whereas dean is a sleazebag, but he's an Equal Opportunity sleazebag) but also his rejection of being pigeonholed as gay when he is, indeed, bisexual. crowley represents the biphobia that gay people enact on bi people, sam represents the homophobia that straight people enact on all queer people.

this brings me to the next part of sam's Not Niceness - he's like, actually 100% more misogynistic than dean is. i know i'm Not A Woman but like i am trans, queer, and not dumb. sam is a fucking sadist serial killer man who treats women like garbage the SECOND they are no longer useful to him, this is most clearly demonstrated when he doesn't have a "soul" but it existed in him basically from the get-go, he is painted as the "more emotionally mature one" but that reading became so inaccurate the show literally started making fun of his character for thinking that sappy fake shit could pass as sincere care for another human being. dean actually talks to women like they're people with feelings. he routinely identifies with the victims and is paralleled against them, especially if they are victims of childhood sexual assault. sam does not talk to women unless they serve some kind of purpose to his goals and is much more routinely depicted weirdly enjoying killing enemies that are women. sometimes not even for plot reasons, it's just weird shots that nobody thought to red flag because this show is. A MESS.

anyway. another example is the one that i mentioned in the post about the confederate soldier, the fact that sam is fucking racist and dean is at least, within the narrative, less racist.

ANYWAY, THERE'S STILL MORE I COULD TALK ABOUT BUT I'LL LEAVE IT AT THIS: sam is constantly telling dean that he's not being sensitive or poltically correct but every single time it comes off sounding like a straight person telling an actual gay person how not to be homophobic. like, please, sammy, touch grass. dean says: touch grass, kill nazis.

[jwnchstr]

I’m Not Those Men

TITLE: I’m Not Those Men

PAIRINGS: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

SUMMARY: After being friends for a few years, Dean started to show interest towards you. He tried many times to say it, but you pushed him away. Until one day, he hurt himself because of you.

******

Imagine being a hunter, always closed to the Winchesters and Bobby and those who are close to him, that sooner you're considered family to them. They've seen the worst part in you and you've seen the worst part in them especially Sam and Dean. There are some men who called themselves alphas (huh, pathetic alphas), who have complicated mood swings more than you do. You've seen how they killed innocent people just to protect their ego. They're seen who you tortured those who possessively wanting you for nothing except being their sex toy. For the best and worst, you stick together like you took an oath.

You and Sam are always friendly. When the weather is right, you will always be seeing together with Sam laughing, joking around and chasing each other like kids in a playground. It's like, you and Sam cannot be together in the same room because both of you will play a lot. Dean hated how you and his younger brother never take things seriously. Well, at least, that is how his brother acts when he's with you. It's like, he is a different person, the exact opposite than the one Dean knew.

Meanwhile Dean is always serious with you although you never took him seriously. Or if it's just how you act around men, no one knows, but that's how it is. Sam never flirted with you. Sam never asked you out on a date. Or if he did – take you to dinner without Dean – he never took it as a date. You're as free as a bird with Sam. But it's a different case with Dean.

Dean, more than once, had asked you out. Well, at least, that's what he thought he's doing. He'd be like, "Sam is not cooking tonight. Wanna go out dinner with me?" And your response will always be, "Sure! I'll ask Sam if he wanted to tag along." And, of course, Sam does because you're going out, too. See, this is also why Dean hated you and Sam together.

Some times, when you have free times, Dean asked if you want to go out and take some fresh air. Dean understood that staying in the bunker is like staying in a prison. No windows to look at the greens outside. No fresh air. Just the ventilator. When he asked if you want to go out, he'd plan to take you to some nice place he knew, be alone with you. Most of the times, you tell him that you're not in a mood to go out or you told him that you and Sam planned to go the grocery store because you're out of stocks in the pantry.

That challenged Dean as a man, truthfully. Why can't you just see it? Why can't you feel it? The pull to be near and close? The tug every time you make eye contact with him? The spark every time you accidentally touched him? Why can't you feel them? And it’s not like Dean had been discreet, but ugh!

Dean continued to try his best to get your attention. Like how he pretended he didn’t understand a certain article. He made you read and explain to him later because seeing how you're so focused whenever discussing with Sam, stirred him inside. Even Sam never understood why Dean is so needy at times.

One day, something happened that changes the relationship between you and Dean. It started when Dean told you, "Hey, I'm going to see Lisa." You knew who Lisa is, of course. His ex-girlfriend. You didn't know, but that happen when he thought he was wrong about his feelings towards you. Turns out, he was wrong about being wrong. You're still the woman he desire to see and be every day.

You gave Dean a look. "And?"

"I want you to come with me," he said, looking at you in the eye, trying to read your emotion.

To be honest, you felt uneasy when Dean told you that he wanted to meet Lisa. Why, though? After years? Did he want to go back together with Lisa? But more importantly, why does he want you to come to meet his ex-girlfriend?

But amidst your thoughts, you just said, "Oh."

"So?"

You were quite for a few seconds, looking around, not wanting to meet his eyes. Without thinking, you said, "I can't. I have a date." And you saw hurt in Dean's eyes. You wanted to take back what you said, but what's said can't be unsaid, you thought. You felt your heart thumped inside your chest.

"Are you serious?" Dean asked through his greeted teeth. "You and Sam?"

"Sam? What? No. It's someone else."

"And you didn't care to tell me?" Dean's voice was deep and rough.

***

You know he is angry. You understand. You didn't actually want to make it hard for both the both of you, but you had to. To tell the truth, you felt everything Dean felt. The tug. The pull. The spark. The need. Ever since you met him. But you had a bad history with boys and men. That's before you met Sam and Dean. You weren't treated right. You were tortured. You were kicked out. You didn't belong to anyone until when you met Sam and Dean, Bobby and the other "family" the Winchesters had. They were the reason you became strong and undefeatable. Yes, they saw you being a killing machine, but years before that, they never knew what actually happened to you and you never opened up.

Being friendly with Sam is everything for you. You feel like Sam is the sibling you never asked for, but blessed with. Him not being possessive, not flirty, not over-protective, supportive, funny and lovely. He's like everything in one. With Sam, you're treated equal. But with Dean, you're treated like you're the most vulnerable person in their life – positively – and that scares you. No man ever treated you like that. You don't know what to do.

You left Dean with the heaviest tug inside your chest. You felt like it's tearing apart. Leaving the person who is waiting for you, it hurts more than anything. Dean quickly left the bunker and stomped the door.

Sam walked into the scene and asked what happened.

You just dismissed it, saying, "Not in his mood, I guess."

He nodded, shrugging it off. "I'm visiting Bobby. You wanna join?"

"Sure!" You smiled widely. The thought of Bobby excites you.

You decided to go the market to buy something for Bobby. Well, something that you can eat properly and together as a family. Bobby doesn't cook much. He usually eat canned food, so you decided that that won't happen tonight to Bobby. You wanted to cook for him, although he might think you lost your mind.

Well, honestly, you just want to forget about Dean for awhile and what he's doing with Lisa right now. It’s agitating you. You do not like knowing Dean going with Lisa although he could say that they only go out as friends. That's where "I have a date" came.

Not long after that, you and Sam arrived at Bobby's. Upon seeing him, you ran towards him and threw yourself at Bobby. Oh, it feels like forever since you last seen him! You missed him so much. And even though his place is....quite of a place, but you like it here. It feels like home.

"How you’re doing?" you asked the older man sitting on the wheelchair with his beer on his lap.

"Same old, same old. Bet you have good news."

You watched Bobby eyeing between you and Sam. Quickly, you said, "No! Me and Sam? No!"

Behind you, Sam laughed while agreeing with you. And even though it was quick, but you saw a slight relieved look on Bobby's face.

"Well, you better not. You're breaking someone's heart if you do. Big time, I tell you."

You smiled bitterly, understood what Bobby was referring to. "Well, cheer up, old man because we're going to have a big dinner tonight!" you announced.

"You’re cooking?" Bobby watched you suspiciously.

"What, you don't think I can cook?" You tried to give Bobby you straight face, but you failed. "Okay, fine. I'm going to need Sam in the kitchen with me."

Three of you chatted for awhile at the front porch, just like you used to back in the day. Bobby with his dad jokes. Sam with his awkward self around girls. You with your stupid imagination that make them think you are actually stupid and no wonder you didn't finish school. Sometimes, Bobby will update you about hunters who left, died or still alive. Sam said that he'll pay them a visit one day and you'll agree with Sam.

Then, you and Sam decided to start cooking for dinner and being you and Sam, it took longer to finish cooking. The laughs, the jokes, the mockery. Good thing, Bobby is used to the two of you, but he still gave you and Sam a look of irritation at the dining table and babbled about how you guys took so long to cook and how he is already hungry and ready to die.

In the midst of having dinner, your phone suddenly rang. You took a look at it. Sam peeked. You didn't want to pick it up, but Sam insisted. He knew his brother so much. Dean wouldn't call on a free time unless something is happening.

"Dean?"

"(Y/N)!" It's Lisa's voice.

Your heart skipped a beat hearing Lisa’s voice instead of Dean. Sam was right. Something is happening to Dean. Otherwise, it won’t be Lisa who’s calling. "Lisa, what happened?"

Lisa? Sam looked at you worried – worried for his brother, worried for you.

"Dean. He's hurt.”

"He's going out with you?" you asked.

"He's supposed to, but he didn't turn up. I tried to call him, but he didn't pick up. So I came to look for him."

"I take that you found him?" You heart is thumping on your ear. Your head felt like it's going to explode. God, what did I do to him?

"Yes. He's passed out. I don't know what happened to him, but seems like he hurt himself."

Your heart stopped. "What–"

"There’s blood on his hands,” Lisa said. “(Y/n), come here quick. I don’t know if he’s safe."

"Share me the location. I'll be there now."

*****

Turned out, Dean was overdose from his favourite beer. Everyone knows damn well that it took Dean a full bottle of beer to get drunk, but now that he’s passed out, god knows how much Dean have drink them. Oh, and the blood on his hands? They’re his. Logically, out of anger, Dean threw the glass bottle and hurt himself.

Dean was taken to the bunker as soon as you and Sam found him with Lisa nearby. Lisa looked so worried while she stayed close to Dean. She tried to explain again how she’s supposed to meet Dean just to catch up some things, but Dean didn’t turn up. Before you and Sam left, you thanked Lisa for staying with Dean until you came.

“What was he thinking?” you voiced out as you sat with Sam at the reading table, staring into spaces as you tried to understand why Dean suddenly behaved like how he behaved. “If he wants to meet Lisa, why should I come along? He could just meet her and talk to her and I don’t have to interfere their meeting.”

Sam was quiet and stared at you while you talked.

“And now he’s hurt. Worrying us while we have a lot of hunts to be done.” You shook your head. “Gosh. How cheap is he that he hurt himself just because he wants an attention from-”

“You,” Sam cut you off.

“What?” Your eyes shot at Sam, glaring at him as if he were accusing you committing a crime. “Sam, you’re-”

“Dean likes you. He wants you,” Sam continued. “He’s been showing all the signs but you didn’t notice it. He thinks this is the only way to get your attention.”

“I thought I gave him enough attention.”

“Yes, but not as he hoped for,” Sam explained.

You felt something caught in your throat. Indeed, you’ve been avoiding all the possibilities you two could have been. You never intended to reject Dean nor telling him that you do not want him like how he wants you, but you do not know how to do this. You grew up accepting people only then you’ve been pushed.

Your eyes watered. “I don’t know how to do this, Sam,” you confessed to your best friend. “I had bad experiences with men before and I can’t-”

“Maybe if you give me a chance, I can show you that I’m not those men.”

Your head snapped towards the direction where the voice came from. There, Dean stood, though still looking sick, but still look strong.

[demonic-ninja-cat]

Imagine how interesting a version of SPN where Dean was actually portrayed as the villain he is, and Hunting was portrayed as the violent genocidal serial killing it is, would be.

Imagine Sam getting dragged back into Hunting with Dean, but eventually, as time goes on, he sees more and more how fucked up what they’re doing is, and how bad Dean is.  He stays because of stockholm-esque “loyalty” to his brother, and so that he can try and stop Dean from going after innocents.

Once Cas comes into the picture, he and Sam become friends(and possibly more~) as well as allies in saving innocent monsters from Dean and the other dickbag Hunters.   This goes on until Jack is born, and when they see how Dean treats him, Sam and Cas can’t justify staying with Dean anymore, so they leave with Jack, and run away from Dean.   From this point on the show focuses on Sam, Cas, and Jack (as well as some other allies, like Jacob Pond, Garth, and Benny) start being the opposite of Hunters; they go around saving monsters from Hunters, and Dean specifically becomes one of the main villains.

idk what else would happen, except that it would end with them killing Dean, putting an end to the Hunters’ rain of terror, and starting up a supernatural peacekeeping group.

The peacekeeping group is not “another version of Hunters” or “Hunters, but good”, and it differs from Hunters in a lot of ways, namely:

They go after humans who kill innocent monsters just as much as they do monsters who kill innocent humans, and punish them just as harshly, because murder is murder, regardless of species

They don't immediately go to killing/brutal murder as the "punishment" for the crimes, nor do they go after people(of any species) without a trial.  They give them proper trials and proportionate punishment for their crimes

They have both humans and supernaturals working for them, as equals, and its not just "hunter of their own kind" or "exception monsters helping the humans kill the bad monsters" bullshit either; 

like I said, they go after both humans and non-humans who commit supernatural-related crimes, and they don't force anyone to take any cases they don't want to(such as if a supernatural doesn't want to take a case where they'll have to go after another supernatural, due to trauma from the days of the Hunters)

they will have mandatory mental evaluations and counseling, and lots of training, and they won't let people who were personally hurt by monsters/hunters have a say in the trials, and they try to keep them out of the force too, but that's not always possible Also, they won’t be called “Hunters”, or any variation thereof, because calling them that name could be triggering for the supernaturals who suffered trauma at the hands of the Hunters

[thepunkbug]

There's a lot I'm missing here I'm sure, but here's my take for the time being, since I just want to share my thoughts.

First of all, I don't know why everyone is so vehemently hating on Jared right now. I don't know if it's a long time coming, if people have always hated him, or if it's a more recent thing. I won't comment much on that, simply because I'm confused here, and if someone is willing to fill me in (not condescendingly, please), then I might end up changing my mind.

First of all, good on Jensen and Danneel for making a SPN prequel if they want to. Personally, I doubt I'll ever watch it, mostly because we already know John and Mary's story (Cupid made them fall in love, they hated each other before that, Mary dies when they're babies, John is kind of a terrible father, etc), and if I want more SPN content, it's to get a better ending for the brothers and for Dean/Cas. Still, happy for Jensen and those looking forward to it.

It seems as though Jared has been basically cut out entirely, not just by Jensen, but the rest of the cast and crew. Someone said it had to do with Jared's pranks and jokes that wasted time and money, and could've hurt or humiliated people. This isn't okay, obviously, if it was this extreme, but from panels and blooper reels, I was under the impression Jensen participated in just as many pranks as Jared? That was kind of their thing, right? Like, they were known for that.

Also, in panels and blooper reels, people laugh along and joke with them, so if no one ever said "that wasn't funny, that went too far, please stop," how were they supposed to know any different? I've had this happen to me, where I think I'm fine with a person, only to find out they dislike me, and I would've rather known from the start than believe they liked me the way I liked them. It feels like a betrayal, and if no one talked to Jared about these things, or if he just plain didn't know, then he's likely feeling the same thing.

I'm sure Jensen has his reasons for not letting Jared in on this, or including him in the show. As a creator and a grown ass man, he's well within his right to do that. As someone who has shared the screen with Jared for fifteen seasons, who had put as much time and energy and love into Dean as Jared has with Sam, as two people who have been through so much together these past 15ish years, that was a shitty thing to do. I'm not hating on Jensen or Danneel, I'm not gonna send them death threats or call them out or treat them like shit (because I'm not a literal child), but from the perspective of coworkers, that just wasn't cool.

People are upset that Jared is responding publicly. Well, he found out publicly. If Jensen didn't want a response from Jared like this, he should've told him privately. As the person introducing the show and the one excluding Jared, it was his job to decide how to present this and handle things, however they'll end up being handled. It's not Jared's fault he found out like the rest of us, and I don't see anything wrong with him being publicly upset about it, because I think he's well within his right to do so.

Do I think say "et tu, brute?" is a bit dramatic? Yes. Am I gonna laugh at him, gaslight him, make him feel like shit for caring? Fuck no. He put as much into this show as Jensen did, and was basically ignored and written out. Again, I don't know what's going on with the two of them, or why they've fallen out. That's their business.

And I love Jensen. I really do. I think he's incredible and creative and really, really good at his damn job. But between he and Jared, I think Jensen is being the bigger child here. Maybe he did speak to Jared on his own at some point, but it really feels like he didn't. Instead of including his coworker in something they both have equal, full rights to be a part of, he never deigned to mention it to Jared, and left him to find out about this like the rest of us, which is not fair. It looks to me like instead of being an adult and confront his issues and be the bigger person, he decided "no, I don't wanna deal with this like an adult, I wanna deal with it like a high school student" and then just full sent it.

And as the creator of this new show, Jensen can do what he wants. He isn't technically obligated to include Jared in a professional capacity. That doesn't mean there were WAY better ways to handle this. I disapprove of how Jensen managed this whole thing, but whatever, really.

I think people's response to this, though, is a product of how our society is now. People are seriously either/or now, but life doesn't always really work in either/or, it works as both/and. Jensen can do what he wants with his own project, Jared can be upset about it, and both of those can exist at the same time and be true. We don't have to pick sides here, we can just acknowledge that both are true, and both Jared and Jensen can be right in some regards, and wrong in others. It's not the end of the world. We're not terrible people for not picking a hill to die on. We're consumers, and (hopefully) people with critical thinking skills capable of discernment. Let's maybe try that approach instead.

[deantransgressions2]

9x10 road trip 

#1: dean pity party. boohoo! don't care, won't care. get lost, buddy! 

time tag: 1:14

#2: just starts breaking shit. not sure why. drink some tea or something idk

time tag: 2:09

#3: god he says the dumbest shit

“sammy was dying. what was i supposed to do?”

???? why don’t you just hold his hand????? this is fucking s4 all over again. 

time tag: 5:06

#4: hot take but cas telling dean he was “stupid for the right reasons” should be taken with a fucking grain of salt. cas is an angel who killed his vessel and broke up a home in the process. so i wouldn’t exactly care about cas’s perspective on the whole gadreel situation. no hate on cas, but dean really shouldn’t listen to his opinion on this.  

time tag: 5:10

#5: leaves the room while crowley is stabbing nails into sam’s skull, because i guess watching is brother in pain is too much for him :( seeing his brother in pain knowing he’s responsible :( knowing he’s a bad brother :( fucking wimp. 

“i can’t watch that anymore” 

time tag: 25:05

#6: i’m gonna go ahead and say that crowley sticking nails into sam’s brain is just as bad as dean shoving an angel into sam’s entire mind AND body. 

“i want to talk about anything that’s not a demon sticking needles into my brother brain”

time tag: 25:10

#7: he's just the embodiment of hypocrisy. 

cas: “you thought your brother’s life was at stake”

dean: “yeah. i got played.”

remember when sam got played in s4? remember how dean literally continues to blame him for ruby years after the fact? remember how cas got played in s8 and dean also blames him for years after the fact?  LMAOOOOO dean is a joke. 

time tag: 26:23

#8: first words to sam were “all right. let me hear it” instead of i’m sorry. self explanatory. 

time tag: 39:02

#9: he is completely incapable of taking responsibility for his actions and owning up to them. he immediately jumps into defensive mode. kinda reminds me of his fans...

sam: “i’m pissed. you lied to me, again.”

dean: “i didn’t have a choice.”

sam: “i was ready to die, dean!”

dean: “i know. but i wouldn’t let you, because that’s not in me.” 

sam: “so what? you decide to trick me into being possessed by some....psycho angel?”

dean: “he saved your life”

sam: “so what? i was willing to die. and now....kevin.”

dean saying that letting sam die is not in him....bro literally no one asked dean to get involved. sam dying is between him and death. but dean decided to stick his head where it doesn’t belong and fuck everything up. he’s like a jealous ex. 

time tag: 39:10

#10: THIS conversation right here is what irks sam the most

dean: “i will find gadreel, and i will end that son of a bitch, but i’ll do it alone”

sam: “what’s that supposed to mean?”

dean: “come on, man. can’t you see? i’m...i’m poison, sam. people get close to me, they get killed...or worse. you know, i tell myself that i help more people than i hurt. i tell myself i’m doing it all for the right reasons, and i...i believe that. but i can’t...i won’t...drag anyone through the muck with me. not anymore.”

sam: “go. i’m not gonna stop you. but don’t go thinking that’s the problem ‘cause it’s not.” 

sam was just possessed, for months. only to discover that his brother, the person he trusts the most, was responsible. sam wants revenge more than anyone. revenge is kinda his thing. but dean comes in all defensive, throwing himself a pity party no one wants to be at, and sam is OVER IT. sam wants a true and honest explanation from dean. he needed dean to ask if he was okay. he just spent months out of the loop, and now all he wants is information. to be treated by dean as an equal. to be respected by dean for once. but instead, he got ditched on a bridge. his brother left him to deal with the fallout of possession alone. well, not alone. he had cas with him. who is an angel that has also altered his body without consent. 

time tag: it’s at the end. don’t watch it. spare yourself. 

[finaledenialist]

I keep watching this show and waiting to see dean love and care for cas and I just can’t? He keeps getting worse actually, he treats cas like shit, even sam treats cas better. and I do like destiel but man it’s infuriating that the best we could get for cas is dean. sorry bitter cas girl hours

is this you misha, hiding behind anon?

(this is from 2019 :))

fair warning: bitter cas girl posting, dean critical (?)(just to be extra safe), also suicide mention

anyway hi! i don’t know what season/episode are you on but yes there is something about dean that i can’t quite put my finger on, but there is this anger in him and we heard it in the 15x09, that he admits he has it, except this just doesn’t make a lot of sense (to me). i am not negating that this character grew and changed, i am willing to say he grew softer around the edges as time passed (in general) but he also grew more angry. some people see the 10x05 gif of dean jamming to the song “they burned my mother” in the spn musical and they call it growth and i call it fanservice comedic relief. his writing is inconsistent - but one thing that is consistent is that... he is pretty shitty towards cas. he unloads on him, lashes out on him and takes him for granted, in general. for the sake of this answer i will only talk dabb era while trying to understand why, because thinking about s9 and s10 makes me so furious this answer would be 10 times longer than it already is. 

i am latching onto 12x11 regarding dean for explanation because when he forgot everything about his life (that was one big traumatic experience) he really turned into a soft happy ball. except sam also had his share of really, equally, bad experiences and he doesn’t have that anger inside of him. yes they are different but watching dean struggle and coping with getting drunk and lashing out is infuriating after 15 years. it’s just more of the same thing. the only times he lets his guard down is when he thinks he loses someone (and that someone is cas). but the worst thing is - it doesn’t change his later behaviour. 

we all seen widower arc, we all saw how he mourned cas, how angry he was, how he was praying to god himself to bring cas back and how happy he got when cas came back!!! tombstone my beloved! i seriously hoped that from 13x06 this is going to be the shift in his character: he got his big win, he is relieved, he acts so happy! and i thought he learned his lesson here: “oh no i was only able to to realize what i had when it was gone, time to change! time to cherish and enjoy what i have when i have it because by some miracle i got another second chance!”. *john mulaney’s voice:* and then he didn’t 

this is getting long so i don’t want to dig into how i don’t understand how they wrote dean’s and jack’s relationship but dean loathed jack, then cas was back and he went neutral, then when jack was dying he was suddenly dad of the year - hey i will teach you to drive and let’s go fishing (because he was faced with a loss, once again - pattern here!), then cas and jack and sam made a mistake that ended up with mary dying and jack is enemy number 1 again, and when jack is killed by god, cas takes the enemy number 1 spot. 

i know people on here are in love with divorce arc because omg it was so crucial to s15 arc!!! well yes it was but not from dean’s pov, sorry. i, a hardcore destiel shipper at the time, was relieved when for the first time ever cas stood up for himself and called out dean and decided to move on! this was amazing! refreshing! 15x06 golden time my beloved!!!!! and then cas flaps back to the bunker because they need him. and he does it because that’s who he is. and then they go to purgatory and only when dean is faced with loss, once again - only then he finally breaks and apologizes and admits to his anger. i have no doubt in my mind that he regretted what he said in 15x03 but he said it and it hurt. imagine that someone you gave up everything for says that “when something goes wrong it always seems to be you”. this is unforgivable in my book, but okay

i know i am not discovering america when i say that dean has something deeply wrong with his head and he never had friends so he doesn’t know how to care about friendship, and that losing someone (= being abandoned) is a breaking point for him because of what he’s been through BUT how he treats cas is inexcusable because yeaaah he told him he’s family, he’s like a brother to him, we know they have offscreen chats and movie nights and yes, the damn mixtape, but in the end he never did anything to make cas understand that he doesn’t just need him, that he doesn’t have to be useful and prove himself over and over again, that it’s okay if he’s just there, with them, it’s okay if he stays, that he actually wants him to stay! that he can call the bunker his home, his place! and he never did that and that is something i will never forgive

i know i talked about loss in this answer, so let’s get this to the proper end, to 15x18, when dean’s biggest fear happened right in front of his eyes. he had to witness his biggest loss happening before his own eyes. i don’t blame him for freezing and being unable to react, he was shocked, he had no idea how to stop it, he could just stare and observe and witness* - except in 12x23 that’s what kind of happened, too, he saw cas being killed and die and he was grieving to the point he commited suicide without really a second thought in 13x05 because he thought he lost him forever and life had no point. but then 12x23 didn’t have the confession and 15x18 did. 

and dean can not deal with it. once again he didn’t enjoy the time he was given. once again he didn’t let cas know how much he means to him (i am not even talking about a love confession - although it would be preferred. but just you know. let your friend know how much he means to you instead of being mean to him). and what we are shown onscreen is a mirror of what happened in s13 - dean is getting drunk, he is hopeless, and then he “accidentally” dies. the difference is, in s13 dean didn’t know where cas went after he dies and that you can actually come back from there and it doesn’t require divine intervention. 

so when you take 13x05 into account. and put it next to 15x20. there are three ways to interpret it. either the hunt was random and his death truly was an accident. maybe it was hopeless suicide and an attempt to make it look like an accident because what was the point. or maybe, just like in 13x05 - it was intentional but this was also part of a mission. in 15x20 dean knows about the empty. he canonically knows this is where he is gonna go after he dies BECAUSE BILLIE TOLD HIM (and sam) THAT (11x02, 11x17, 13x05). my bet is he planned it and he knew sam wouldn’t be on board with it so he did make it look like an accident, he just let it happen, he made sure it will happen (that’s why the long goodbye monologue instead of “call the ambulance!”) because he knew where he was going. if he won’t come back - so be it, but there was a small chance he would find cas and maybe this time, after getting this one more chance, he could change and finally be. because we know how much castiel’s words struck him and how much impactful they were. maybe that is what dean needed to hear all along, maybe these were the words that broke his curse of repeating his own vicious cycle made from aggression, anger, hate and grief. 

but we never get a chance to see the reunion.

______

*unless we lean into the schodingers kiss theory 

(also sorry for the late reply <3)(i know i drifted into other territories but i need to understand why)(if you meant and wanted to talk s9 and s10 then i am sorry </3)

[holylulusworld]

Past

Summary: Dean finds his perfect mate, only for her to run away from him. When Sam calls her after their last encounter she needs to decide to let her mate die or come to his rescue.

Request: May I request an ABO fic where Dean finds his perfect Omega but she rejects his advances at every turn until he triggers her heat with his rut making him her true mate and even when she's claimed she rejects him for a bit making him go feral until Sam snaps her out of her fear? (you can make up why she's scared). love you, hun!

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Sarah Blake, vamps

Warnings: angst, unrequited feelings, true mates, ABO, ABO dynamics, mentions of abusive past/sexual assault/non-con claiming, physical and mental abuse (nothing graphic)

A/N: Omega!Sarah Blake is the Sarah Blake from the show, but in a different role

Runaway Mate Masterlist

Funny how your past is catching up with you, tries to break you with little reminders.

While you watch Dean sit in his car to wait for his brother you let your eyes wander over it. He had a classic car too, but it didn’t look like Dean’s. 

It was dirty, rusty and you hated to sit in it but seeing the Impala made you think of him and you felt pain shoot through the scar at your neck.

You know it’s impossible, you know there is no way he can be here, can go after you but still, your heart is racing. 

With shaking fingers, you dial Sarah’s number to hear a familiar voice but for the first time, she doesn’t answer.

Dialing her number again you get up from the steps in front of your room and Dean is alerted. Your heart beats fast enough to jump out of your chest as you dial her number for the third time.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Shaking you look at Dean as he gets out of the car to run toward you. “Y/N, talk to me, Sweetheart.”

“I…we have an emergency signal or rather we always answer our phone, no matter what we do at the third signal, Dean. I dialed her number three times, but Sarah does not answer.” 

Your voice trembles and for the first time, Dean can see the vulnerable and scared Omega shine through. 

“Okay, tell me where she wanted to go to. We will check there first and Sam can try to trace her phone.” Dean runs toward his car, dialing his brothers’ number as you try to reach your friend once again.

Black…everything is black before the pain wakes Sam from the darkness. He can smell blood, dirt, and fear as he tries to blink his eyes open.

“You’re awake…” Coughing a young woman looks at him, fighting the shackles holding her to the ground. 

“You’re a hunter too, I assume, just like the girl over there. She told me to remain calm, but they knocked her out as she refused to tell them anything about someone called Y/N.”

Sam’s eyes wander toward Sarah. He can see blood running down her forehead, but she’s breathing. 

While the skilled hunter scans the room he recognizes two things, his shackles will not hold him for long and the girl looking at Sarah’s bleeding wound is a vampire.

“She told you…” Sam’s eyes are trained on your friend to make sure she’s still breathing.

While the vampire studies Sam’s stoic face the hunter tries fumble with the shackles, already picking the lock holding the chains.

“The hunter, she’s right. You should remain calm and we will find a way out of here.”

“I am so scared.” The vamp’s eyes dart between Sam and Sarah. She knows the moment your friend wakes up she will warn the way stronger hunter and Winchesters are know for not dying that easily. “What can we do?”

“Do you know what they want and who they are?” While the vamp looks at Sarah once again Sam let the chains around his hand slip off his wrists to silently place them behind his back. His feet are still bound but if must, he can take the vamp down.

“I don’t know anything, Sir. They came in here, hit the girl and asked her about the other woman. She refused to answer and then they left.”

Sniffling the vampire looks at Sam. She plays her role well, Sam gives her that, but he is not an easy victim to her sob story. 

“Was that before or after they brought me here?” Searching the girl's face Sam fumbles the syringe with the blood of the dead out of his back pocket. “What’s your name?”

Maggie and it was before they brought you here. She was out cold when two large guys dragged you in and dropped you.” Nodding Sam waits for the perfect moment.

“How long are you here?” While the vamp looks at Sarah steering in her sleep Sam strikes. The syringe bores into the girl’s neck and she screams in pain.

“Hey…are you wake?” Watching your friend Sam frantically searches for the key to his chains. “I am a hunter too. My name is Sam, Sam Winchester and I know Y/N. We met during a hunt.” 

“Sammy doesn’t answer his phone…” Slamming his hands onto the steering wheel Dean curses. “This is not a coincident, Y/N. Sam and your friend disappearing at the same time in the same town.”

“I am sorry, Dean. I guess she found me before I had the chance to take her down.” Blinking a few times, you look out of the window. “Or rather them…”

“Them…” Glancing at you Dean stops the car. “What are you not telling me, Y/N? I know you are after mama for a reason but so far, I didn’t ask. If Sam is in danger, I need to know everything.”

“You know I can’t tell about my past, it’s better this way. No one ever wanted to hear my side of the story. For everyone, I was an aggressive Omega not wanting to submit.” Voice bitter you dial Sarah’s number once again. “Every Alpha chose their side…”

“Well, I am not every Alpha not even close.” Giving you a soft smile Dean looks at you. 

“Listen, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened to you. I would never force you to tell me. I have a huge package I carry with me too, Sweetheart, but we are running out of time here.”

“Mama…she’s…” Looking at Dean you search his soft eyes. “I would need to explain everything, but this would take us hours and as you said, we are running out of time, Dean.”

“Just the highlights then. You can leave everything out we do not need to save Sam and your friend, Y/N.” You hesitate, nibble at your lower lip as Dean starts the engine. “Fine, Y/N. I’ll tell you something about me first.”

Dean’s grip on the steering wheel tightens as he starts talking. “I sold my soul to save my brother. I was in hell for 40 years and one day, I broke and started to torture souls too. When I came back I had nightmares, I still have sometimes…”

Surprised by Dean’s honesty you look at him, really look at him and you can see the broken boy behind the tough hunter façade. 

“I lost everyone, Y/N. Mom, Dad, Bobby - anyone I ever liked died or left me except for Sammy, and he just doesn’t know better…” Huffing you try to swallow the lump in your throat as you look at anything but Dean. 

“At the beginning, I thought it’s my fate as an Omega. I believed that I just need to get used to that someone rules my life, tells me what to do or leave but slowly, I doubted being an Omega means what my life became.”

Dean’s heart clenches in his chest hearing the hurting in your voice. He wants to say something, wants to soothe the pain but he knows you are not ready to let him help you.

“All I can tell you is that one night, he tried to kill me, and I fought him. It ended badly…for him.” Your face is stoic, but your voice betrays you. 

“I get it, Y/N. He was a monster but what I don’t understand is that you hate all Alpha’s only as one treated you badly. This is no excuse for his behavior or what he did to you, tho…” 

Dean dials Sam’s number again, still ending on his brother’s mailbox he tosses the phone into the glove department.

“One Alpha…” Laughing bitterly you glance at Dean. “It started with my brother and father selling me to this monster. Or rather making a deal to rise in the ranks.”

“Y/N…” Gasping Dean tries to remain calm but the anger welling up is untamable. “I am so sorry.”

“I trusted them with my life. Till that day, they protected me, made sure no one ever hurts me. My father, he never treated my mother like she’s not equal as she’s an Omega and then one day…”

Snapping your fingers you look at Dean. “Poof, the gentle and caring family was gone.”

“I…” Voice cracking Dean blinks the tears away. 

“At first, he was nice. Asking me about hobbies and shit but then he…” Sniffling you look away. Rather concentrate on the trees passing by than Dean’s sad face. “He forced his mark on my neck and everything else too…”

“Omega…” A low whine leaves Dean’s lips as he gives you side-glances. He can see the tremble of your hands and the pain tightening your chest.

“When he was done, he left for days or weeks and I prayed he won’t come back. Every. Single. Time.” Dean’s eyes drift toward you occasionally while you keep on talking. “One night, he…he crossed another line, or rather wanted to and I lashed out.”

“I won’t ask what he tried to do…”

“I was able to avoid getting pregnant and he assumed, I am infertile, Dean. That night he brought a young girl into our home or rather my prison. I saw the fear in her eyes and just knew, he would force her too…” 

Sniffling you wipe the tears away. “I tried to call the cops, told them what my Alpha is about to do but…” Laughing bitterly you shrug. 

“None of the Alpha’s believed you,” Dean asks and you shake your head.

“Oh, they believed me, Dean. But they laughed about me and congratulated my Alpha on his decision to get a younger mate.”

“Bastards…” Slamming his hands onto the steering wheel Dean curses. “They should’ve stormed the house. I would’ve done so…”

“I hung up and felt his hands on me. I…I reacted instinctively and pushed him away for the first time, I found the strength to fight back, because of the girl I had to protect. He tried to strangle me, but I was faster.”

There’s a hint of pride in your voice and Dean smirks as you tell him you ran into the kitchen and stabbed him with the cheese knife.

“He ended like a tiny mouse. Begged for his life, Dean and I knew he wasn’t the powerful Alpha I thought he was.” 

“What has mama to do with all of this?” Your eyes meet Dean’s and you know you must tell him everything to save your friend.

“She’s his mother. Her grief about the loss of her perfect Alpha son and the hatred she always harbored toward me forced her to look for a way to kill me.” 

Your features darken as you look at the world outside passing by. “I wasn’t the young and vulnerable eighteen years old girl they threw into the lion’s den. I am a strong and trained hunter, Dean. I killed two of her pack members when they tried to get hold of me.”

“And she did what?” 

“I was not easy to take down, so she thought making her pack stronger would stop me, would bring me down but…” Smirking you give Dean a wink. 

“I was a hunter and knew how to take vamps down. Mama tries to create a new and larger family, but I won’t give her the chance to do so. I will hunt her and every single member of her sick family down.”

“Why did she turn the girl if she supported her son’s abuse?”

“Mama, or rather Delilah believed I lied. I tried to tell her more than once that her son is a monster but she didn’t listen. Mama is after me believing I killed her gentle and caring son.” 

“I will open the door and we will have to fight our way through. I think someone called mama is after us as she wants to get hold of your friend.”

“Mama…shit.” Sarah tries to follow Sam but she still feels dizzy and needs to press her body against the wall. When Sam wants to help she flinches away. “I can follow you, Sam.”

“I didn’t want to cross a line. I just wanted to help you. You’re injured, stay behind me no matter what. A friend of Y/N is a friend of the Winchesters…” Sam silently opens the door only to step into a sewer.

“You are a friend of Y/N?” Not believing Sam your friend eyes him suspiciously. 

“I said she’s a friend, not Y/N sees me as one. I know she has problems trusting Alpha’s, but right now we need to help each other and find my brother and your friend. Dean is with Y/N and I hope he’s on his way as I assume we are running into a whole nest of vamps without any weapon…”

Runaway Mate Tags

@webcraft4eveh, @supernatural3002

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @sandlee44, @strayrosesbloom, @notyourtypicalrose, @thewinchesterco, @marvelfansworld @hobby27, @gh0stgurl, @flamencodiva, @jay-and-dean, @voltage-my2dlove, @spnhollis, @chonisberonica, @wittysunflower, @supernaturalenchanted, @shikshinkwon, @yolobloggers, @hhiggs, @laxe-from-outer-space, @ilovefanfic86, @linki-locks11, @eggingamazinglove, @trumpettay, @fandom-imagines1, @thenamelesschibi, @waywardbaby, @straycuties9, @drakelover78, @stuckys-whore, @zxph-yr, @i-love-superhero, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @deepmuffinspymaker, @katsav17, @heyitscam99, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @neii3n, @exo-nova, @cocklesbelli, @echoesofpassion, @lauravic, @shatteredabby, @deanmonandnegansbitch, @sea040561, @lemondropirwin, @lonewolf471, @wronglanemendes, @juniorhuntersam, @helpmeluci, @goodgodimaweirdperson, @shadowkat-83, @alltimesamantha, @officialmarvelwhore, @meganywinchester, @miraclesoflove, @maniacproffesor, @hollymac79, @kayla-2000, @gracefultrenchcoat494, @babygirls-fav, @spnwoman, @amiquette, @alexoloughlinlover32, @geekofmanyforms, @jessica-marsh09, @spnficgirl, @shut-themoonscone, @thequeenreaders, @countrygal17a, @atomicfandombomb, @kteelou, @soryuwifeyxx, @defenderrosetyler, @shortwinchester, @maybesomedaygayyyy, @tmiships4life, @sabascio, @that-place-called-middle-earth, @the-broken-angel-13, @bunnybaby89, @pandabiiissh, @maddiedott, @lilulo-12, @theoneandonlymelol, @mblaqgi, @clawsandshotguns, @justsomedreaming​, @cassiopeia-barrow, @its-the-timey-wimey-winchesters​, @mscarter213​, @jo-like-josette​, @mep6811​, @prettydeaneyes​, @rvgrsbrns​, @deanwanddamons​, @tearsforhan​, @skittlebittz​, @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel​ @belovedcherry​

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags   

@spnfamily-j2​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @negans-lucille-tblr​, @deans-baby-momma​, @thefaithfulwriter​, @squirrelnotsam​, @roonyxx​, @neerness​, @deansgirl-1968​, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​, @butifulsoul125​, @lyinginthegingerlocks​, @20gayneen​, @janicho88​, @woodworthti666​, @thevelvetseries​, @dreaminemz​, @akshi8278​, @midnightsilver16830​, @mrspeacem1nusone​, @ria132love​, @caligraphee​, @the-witch-in-silence​, @justanotherwinchester​, @multisuperfandom​, @jason-todd-squad​, @jadesupernatural​, @psychicforest​, @luciathewinchestergirl��, @magssteenkamp​, @palefiregiver​, @tranquility-or-chaos​, @jxackles​, @michellemxndes​, @addictedtofictionalcharacters​, @gabifernandessn​, @waywardrose13​

[sherlollydramoine]

Which Malek Twin is Better in Bed: An Experiment Part One

Had this idea that was inspired by a few different asks that I received. This is going to be in either two or three parts. Part One is the set up and Rami’s turn. 

This is completely unedited so I apologize for the millions of mistakes that are probably plaguing this piece. 

Warnings: alcohol use, language, and unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y’all)

Word Count: 5285

“No, she said that she thought that I’d be the one that was better at cunnilingus,” Sami shot back.

“No she did not. She said it would be me because ‘I’ve got a mouth made to sin’ according to her,” Rami counters with a shrug.

“We’re identical twins asshole we have the same mouth!”

“So, that doesn’t mean that we are both as equally skilled with it,” Rami counters again.

“I’m still better with my hands and dick though. You may have the oral skills but I have other skills that the ladies love. I’ve never had any complaints,” Sami adds, and Rami rolls his eyes.

“Righttttt and who almost got in trouble when I snuck Michelle in back in eleventh grade. She was definitely not being quiet and was not displeased with my performance skills,” Rami says, which elicits an eye roll from Sami this time.

“BOYS!” you holler trying to catch their attention. They’d been arguing the better part of an hour over some girl that they knew and who was better in bed all around. You were fairly certain that whoever this mystery woman was her assessment of the boys was all speculative. You’d known them for years and had never known them to share a woman, then again, you never know they didn’t share all their secrets with you.

They both turn their heads to look in your direction and you shoot them both a look. Picking up your beer off the table and bringing it your mouth you take a long pull from the bottle. Neither one of the boys dared to say a word, until after you had said whatever it was that you had to say. 

“Ya know boys there is really only one way to figure out who is better in bed!”

“You aren’t going to try and call all of our exes are you? I’m no- I’m a little worried that some of the reports wouldn’t be accurate and a few of my exes aren’t exactly happy with me. I used to be kind of a dick,” Rami says suddenly, eyes wide looking mildly horrified, while Sami just lets out a short bark of laughter.

“Serve you right for being a dick bro. I’m sure my exes would have nothing but praise for my exemplary skills in the bedroom.”

“As amusing as that would be to contact all of your exes, there is another way to settle this debate once and for all. You both are going to have to find a woman that would be willing to sleep with both of you, separately of course, and get her feedback,” you suggest.

Rami’s brows nearly shoot into his hairline while Sami just lets out another bark of laughter.

“I’m sure Mr. Hollywood here can have no problem finding available pussy but I don’t like the idea of it being some random person.” Sami casually mentions in between sips of his rum and coke.

“Yeah, honestly, I don’t really like the idea of fucking some random chick that only knows me as ‘that famous guy from the robot show’. I’d rather it be someone we know that can give an unbiased opinion. If we went the route of me picking someone up I might win by default just because she got to fuck some famous guy,” Rami states.

“Ram since when have you ever had an issue finding some random pussy to fuck? Everyone knows you are a total fucking player. Besides Mr. Hollywood, you can walk into any bar or restaurant and the pussy will literally find you,” Sami says. Rami just frowns and flips his brother the bird while you try not to choke on your beer. 

“Boys! Just stop. As highly entertained as I am by this conversation I think you guys are missing the point. There has got to be some woman on this planet that doesn’t know who you are Rami. Someone that would be willing to experiment,” you start to explain. Stopping for a moment to gather your thoughts and take another sip of your beer when an idea strikes you. Neither of the boys have piped up or offered any other alternative solution so you decide to go ahead and voice your idea.

“Rami you work in Hollywood. Hollywood is known for its lascivious nature, so surely you know someone that knows something about high class escorts. Sure, they are expensive but don’t they get paid a small fortune to buy their silence as well as providing you with a warm wet hole to fuck? Make some phone calls and then explain to her what you want to do. If she agrees, no matter the cost you can have her take notes and then compare them after she has had her turn with both of you.”

“NO!” Both boys shouted in unison with horrified expressions on their faces. The sudden raucous of the raised voices caused a few nearby patrons to look your way out of curiosity.

“Damn boys sorry. It was just a thought. This might be a tougher solution than I thought when I suggested it.”

“So back to square one, who would be the perfect person to do this? I just. It’s kind of nerve wracking though because I don’t want to screw up any relationships with any of our friends. Clearly choosing someone from our pool of mutual friends is probably the best option. They wouldn’t tell anyone about this peculiar situation if they wanted to maintain our friendship.” Sami adds.

For the first time in over an hour silence descends on the table while both boys look deep in thought. Suddenly their heads snap up and they look at each other and nod. Before you know what hit you you had four blue-green eyes staring at you.

“What?” you ask nervously, picking up your beer again to take another sip.

“YN! Come on, you’d be the perfect person to do this. You wouldn’t let something like this interfere with our friendship and you would give us your honest feedback. You wouldn’t lie to either one of us just to inflate our egos.” Rami says, looking hopeful.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea boys. I mean. I’m just. Look at me. I-I-I can, can I think about this?”

“I want to say yes you can, but babe I’m leaving after this next weekend and I’ll be gone for a little over a month. This is kind of a time is of the essence thing,” Rami states with a shrug. 

“I’m gonna need something stronger than this,” you mumble, pushing your chair away from the table and heading towards the bar. 

Once you were back at your table you began taking large sips of whatever cocktail that the bartender had whipped up for you, as you contemplated what to do. Three cocktails and a bunch of awkward conversation later you looked up at both of them and croaked out, “I’ll do it!”

Both boys grinned their same beautiful smiles as they high-fived each other and you raised a brow.

“I'm cumming over Saturday!” Sami exclaimed and then giggled. “I mean, I’m coming over Saturday!” he giggled again, and his brother just shot him a look while you shook your head.

“Wow! I didn’t realize you were so eager to get to fuck me Sam!” You laugh as you avert your gaze. You send up a silent prayer that you won’t end up regretting agreeing to do this.

“YN what’s your schedule like this week? The weekend won’t work for me because I’m leaving Sunday night so I’ll have to come over sometime during the week. Sami is all yours Saturday and then Sunday morning we can all meet up and you can compare your notes and finally settle the debate about which Malek twin is better in bed.”

“As it were, I’m in between gigs right now so I’m free the whole week so just let me know what time and day work best for you Rami and we’ll meet up. I think it’s best if you come to mine so that way there are no sabotages or interruptions,” you inform him shooting Sami, a look who is just sitting there with a devilish grin on his face.

After a few more drinks the three of you decide to call it a night and the boys drop you off at home where you couldn't help but feel a little drunkenly excited for the coming week. It had been far too long since you’d had any kind of intimate relations with anyone and you were definitely looking forward to getting dicked twice in one week. Of course the twins didn’t know that you’d had the biggest crush on Rami since you were like seven after he’d beat up the boy that was harassing you on the playground. You chuckle at the memory of Rami getting into trouble for fighting.

Your dreams that night were definitely very vivid and extremely pornorgraphic and now you were headed into the new week with the thoughts of that dream floating around your head. You’d sell your soul to make it happen. The thoughts of both of them kneeling on either side of you on your bed jerking themselves off on you, and covering your breasts, stomach and thighs with their cum was enough to make you start salivating and your panties wet. 

On Tuesday Rami sent you a text asking if you wanted to meet for dinner later, and you’d agreed. The restaurant he told you that you were going to was definitely the type of place that you’d never have been able to afford on your own but Rami reassured you that it was his treat. His turn to wine and dine you. This is it. It was Rami’s night to show you what he could do in the sack, the dinner was just an excuse for the two of you to talk and become a little more relaxed before you got down to business.

You took your time to prepare for the evening. You’d splurged on a manicure, pedicure and a bikini wax. You weren’t sure of Rami’s preferences for body hair but you felt good. Choosing your favorite red dress from the closet and pulling it on, glancing at yourself in the mirror you smile. You looked damn good. Just as you were swiping your lipstick on you heard the doorbell;  sliding your feet into your black pumps that he had gifted you two years ago, you head to the door.

Grabbing your black clutch from the table in your entryway, you swing the door open. Rami was dressed in a nice suit complete with black tie, holding a small bouquet of your favorite flowers.. You can feel his eyes rake up and down your body and he lets out a low whistle. 

“You look amazing,” he smiles at you, as he hands you the bouquet. You invited him in for a moment after he reassured you the car wasn’t going anywhere, so that you can go put the flowers in a vase. He followed you into the kitchen, the nervousness rolling off of him in waves. At this point you have no idea who was more nervous about the events of this evening. 

“Same could be said for you Malek.”

“Oh this thing. I’ve had it in my closet for ages but haven’t worn it yet,” he rambles nervously.

You get the flowers unwrapped and into the vase full of water and then letting out a soft sigh you turn to him and ask,”Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” was his response. He casually grabs your hand as you make your way back to the door. You turn to lock the door and he puts his hand on your waist as he leads you to the fancy black car that was waiting at the end of your driveway. He opens the door for you and confidently says, “Ladies first.”

You giggle and slide into the car. He follows a few seconds later and then slams the door closed. He looks over at you and takes your left hand into his right one and gives it a soft squeeze. 

“So?” you ask.

“So” he responds with a smile.

“Are you-excited for tonight?”

“YN, honestly, it’s all I’ve thought about since Saturday night. I-I-I hope this doesn’t make things awkward because I’m really good at doing that, but I- I - I’m excited. I know that you haven’t been with anyone in a while and so it’s going to be such a pleasure for me to show you what I can do, but also have some fun,” he says, nervously scratching the back of his head with his left hand. He gives your hand another squeeze but you couldn’t help the smile that was slowly  spreading across your face. 

“Honestly Ram, it’s all I’ve thought about too. I-I-uh- had a dream about this on Saturday night.”

He lets out a nervous chuckle, “I hope I can live up to your dream expectations.”

“I'm more than positive that you will Rami, so don’t be nervous. We can’t both be nervous or we’ll just freak each other out and then this whole thing will have been for nothing.”

You catch his eyes and you both laugh, his hand never leaving yours.

Dinner went by way too quickly as you chatted away happily, ate the best meal you’ve ever had, and imbibed several glasses of champagne that Rami insisted on. He joked that this was a celebration of sorts though you couldn’t figure out exactly what. You just figured the champagne was mostly for the nerves. 

The two of you had previously discussed him staying the night in the event that one or both of you got a little intoxicated at dinner and it didn’t make sense for him to have a car on standby. You also didn’t think it was fair to have the car waiting because neither of you were aware of how long you would otherwise be indisposed. 

In the car on the way back you sat in the middle this time, with your head resting on his shoulder, while his right hand held your left one firmly, his thumb gently stroking the soft skin of your hand. Neither of you were conversing just content to be in silence mostly due to nerves.  The closer that the car got to pulling up to your house the tension in the air became palpable. Both of you let out a shaky breath as the car came to a stop in front of your place. The butterflies in your stomach had you feeling oddly restless and you were squirming in your seat while Rami’s left leg was bouncing restlessly. Despite all the nerves you were also plagued with arousal. You’d had a crush on him for so long that getting a chance to finally get to find out exactly what he is like in bed is a dream come true for you, though you’d never admit it out loud.

As he had earlier at the restaurant, he got out first this time holding a small overnight bag in one hand, as he held out one hand for you. You take the offered hand and slowly slide out of the car. Once you were fully out of the car he wrapped his right arm around your waist and walked with you to the door. Your trembling hands were a dead giveaway to the jitters you were experiencing, as you reached into your clutch to retrieve your house keys. In your frazzled state you’d accidentally dropped them twice, and Rami just lets out a soft chuckle, bends down to pick up your keys and unlocks the door for you. Stepping through the threshold you let out a breath and unthinkingly kick your shoes off by the door and he follows suit, dropping his bag next to his shoes. Your back turned to him so that you could shut and lock the door, he removes his jacket and haphazardly tosses it over his bag not caring that the expensive fabric will be terribly wrinkled in the morning. Turning back around you catch sight of his beautiful hands working his tie loose and carelessly tossing it on top of his jacket. 

Angling your body towards his reaching up to touch his face and then thinking better of it dropping your hand back to your side you open your mouth and barely manage to squeak out,“Soooo.. How do-” 

Shock barely registering as your words were suddenly cut off by his lips on yours.This is it. The  first kiss ever between the two of you and it was soft and hesitant, nearly awkward as if you were teenagers again; it wasn’t until your hands came up to interlock at the back of his head that he deepened the kiss and you nearly faint in his arms as you moan against his mouth. You blame the champagne for the boldness of both your actions, even though you knew it was going to come to this point eventually. Maybe in this case it was like ripping off a band aid the sooner someone initiated the encounter, the easier it will be to go through with it.

When you finally pulled away from each other both of you were damn near breathless, chests heaving, hair mussed, and pupils blown wide with lust. You both just stand in front of each other for a couple of seconds before instinct took over for both of you and your lips crashed together again. All traces of nerves gone from either of you now as your bodies nearly melted together. You both don’t realize that you’d begun moving, stopping only when your backside came in contact with the back of the couch. 

Your whole body felt as if it had been lit on fire and the ache in your core was becoming increasingly unbearable in such an embarrassingly short amount of time. You could feel his arousal pressing against your stomach and all you wanted at that moment was for him to rip your dress off and fuck you senseless. All of your dreams and fantasies could never compare to the reality of actually being intimate with one of your best friends, the one you’d had a crush on for so long. 

“Bed?” he asks breathily, as he smiles at you, his lips swollen lips and a delicious shade of red. 

You nod in response and without warning you find yourself being lifted into his arms and carried down the hall to the master bedroom. He carries you across the threshold and gently sets you down not hesitating at all as he brings your faces back together reigniting whatever passion had been latent for the few moments that it had taken for him to carry you down the hallway. 

You couldn’t help but to feel like he is savoring every moment of this because nothing about this moment is feeling rushed. Your mouths collide again. The passion behind his kisses feels so sincere that you almost allow yourself to feel like this was meant to be, but only allowing that to be a fleeting thought when you remember he is an actor. An award winning, highly skilled actor. This situation was only happening because you’d drunkenly agreed to settle some debate between him and his brother.

Shivering against his touch as his hands slide their way down your shoulders until his fingers come in contact with the zipper on the back of your dress. Begrudgingly pulling your mouth away from his beautifully swollen mouth, God his lips, you could spend eternity kissing those damn lips. It’s almost as if your body is acting purely on instinct because you never realize the moment that your hands glide up his arms, across his shoulders, and then down his chest. Your fingers trembling and struggling with the buttons of his dress shirt. Huffing a little in frustration wanting nothing more than to rip the damn thing to shreds.

His fingers had finished working the zipper down your back and you couldn’t help but to watch the fabric as it fell into a red pool at your feet. He lets out a quiet gasp as he realizes that you are standing before him completely bare. Releasing another huff as you continue to struggle with the buttons of his shirt,he lets out a soft chuckle.

“Let me,” he says, his voice breaking the quiet of the room as he gently pries yours hands away from his shirt. You watch in fascination as his fingers work  the buttons of his dress shirt open at lightning speed, you couldn’t help but to wonder what else those hands were capable of. Then again, that was that the whole point of this right? For each of the boys to prove to you just how well rounded their bedroom skills are. The second the last button is open, you damn near go feral and roughly push the fabric off his shoulders. The material stops moving as it is caught at his wrists and you couldn’t stop watching as he pulls his arms the rest of the way out of the sleeves. You just tosses the shirt, as it flutters to the ground, landing at your feet and on top of the red material of your dress.

You bring your eyes back up to his and for a second you feel shy, exposed. The dress you’d been wearing didn’t allow for underwear and you didn’t see any point since you knew that this is how the night was going to end anyway. 

You unconsciously begin to cover your chest with your arms when you feel his hands come down and gently remove them.

“Don’t hide from me YN. You are so beautiful, don’t ever hide from me,” he says so lovingly that you almost burst into tears. It had been a long time since anyone had ever called you beautiful. 

You can feel his fingers ghost down your sides leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake when his hands settle on your hips. Rami slowly pulls you towards him as he raises his right hand to  brush away a stray bit of hair away from your face. His eyes search yours for a quick moment before his lips find yours once again. You could kiss him forever, his mouth was made for it.

Lifting your hands from where they’d be resting down at your sides, you put your hands on his hips and give a little tug bringing your bodies as close together as humanly possible without being intimately connected. Without thinking you skim your hand along his hip bone to the front of his crotch and begin to palm him through his dress pants eliciting a deep moan from him that was so sinful you nearly came undone. 

The two of you slowly start dancing your way across the floor of your room towards your bed with lips locked, not stopping until the back of your knees made contact with the edge of your mattress. 

You groan in protest when he pulls his mouth away from yours and you frown slightly.

“Lay down for me,” he quietly instructed and there was absolutely no hesitation in your willingness to comply. You weren’t sure what he was going to do, but you were nearly panting in eager anticipation.

His body slides its way up yours as his mouth starts nipping, kissing, and sucking every inch of skin from your jaw to your navel. Feeling his eyes on your face watching your chest heave as your body writhes against his seeking friction. Your eyes widen in shock as you feel his fingers ghost themselves over your center. 

"Oh my God babe you are completely soaked for me and I’ve barely touched you," he says voice tinged with shock

You can't help the smile that forms as you watch his face disappear between your thighs. Your hips nearly buck off the bed and a noise that you’ve never made before escapes your lips, when you feel his tongue flick your clit, at the same time that he slides a few fingers into your soaking center. His free hand comes up to rest on your hip, in an attempt to keep your hips still. 

“OH GOD” you cry out, and your hands acting on their own accord come down to fist in his curls. You can feel him smirk against you as he hums in delight with the way you’ve been so responsive to his touch in such a short time.

His fingers pump in out of you in time with the movements of your tongue, and you can feel that familiar feeling beginning low in the pit of your stomach. Your eyes screw tightly shut, your body warm and coated with a light sheen of sweat, your chest heaving, and you are babbling a bunch of incoherent nonsense. Unbeknownst to you, your grip tightens exponentially in Rami’s hair and despite the pain radiating through his scalp he never relents.

“Don’t stop Rami. Don’t stop,” you whine and plead.

With another flick of his tongue in combination with the ‘come hither’ motion that his fingers, your legs begin trembling and you're whining out his name. Suddenly that warm feeling spreads from your stomach outward and your body begins to convulse, your thighs snap shut around his head and you can’t stop yourself from grinding into his face. You’d never felt anything like this before, but you are content to ride out this wave of pleasure on Rami’s face. 

“Oh God… Oh God.. Oh God…Rami” you moan, repeating it like a mantra.

You can  hear him mumbling something against your core and you can feel his tongue lapping at your juices. After what feels like an eternity the convulsing in your body stops and your thighs and body relax. You feel high. You’ve never had anyone make you feel like this and it makes you wonder if your suppressed feelings for him is the culprit for this.

Propping yourself up on your elbows you can see his chin is glistening with your juices as he smiles down at you. Weakly attempting to sit up to pull him towards you. This moment that you’ve been so nervous for all night however he just uses his hands to push you back down into the mattress, gently yet firmly.

You can hear the jangle of his belt buckle coming undone followed by a soft ‘thunk’ as his belt and pants hit the hardwood floor.

“Oh Rami,” you whisper so quietly that you don’t think he heard you. His eyes snap up and lock with yours seconds before his naked body slides its way up yours. His lips capture yours for a soft, sweet kiss and you can taste yourself on his lips as you wrap your arms around his neck trying to coax him to deepen the kiss. The nerves are back,your heart is thundering in your chest, and you aren’t sure what his next move is going to be. 

Extracting his lips from yours, he asks if you are ready, both of you take a shaky breath as you make eye contact with him and  whisper,”Yes” 

His forehead rests against yours for a moment, as you breathe each other in. He lets out a little  gasp when you bring your legs up and wrap them around his hips, your sensitive center rubbing against him almost playfully. Your body is in desperate need of something now, something to dull the ache your feel, so you reach down to grab a hold of him. He beats you to it by taking himself in hand and after taking another deep breath he slowly guides himself into you.

You let out a breathy moan as the warm sensation of being filled so completely overwhelms your senses. His eyes are screwed tightly shut, and his breath has hitched. Neither of you move for several seconds just simply basking in the pleasure of being so intimately connected for the first time. It’s a feeling that you only get once with someone. 

The moment both of you regain some semblance of control of your breathing his hips begin to move. This was better than any fantasy or dream you’ve ever had. He is in no hurry to finish and you don’t mind, every slow thrust of his hips brings about a new batch of sensations. At some point your fingers had intertwined with his as he kept his hips moving at a slow, but steady pace. 

Both of you were breathing heavily, your bodies glistening with sweat. His eyes catch yours as you breathily moan out his name, and you feel as if you are in heaven. He doesn’t make any attempt to increase the pace he’s set.

“Oh Rami... “ you mumble. His forehead comes down to rest on yours, and you lift your chin to place some small kisses to his lips.

“Baby you feel so good,” he whispers into your lips. The intimacy of this moment causes a whole new set of feelings to bubble their way to the surface and you couldn’t help the small tear that rolls down your cheek. You don’t think he noticed as you rock your hips with his.

As slow as the pace that he’d set is, it still didn’t stop his cock from hitting all of the right place inside of you, and after twenty minutes you can feel it building. You know he can sense it because he starts to slightly alter the rhythm of his hips as they move in time with yours. 

“Fly with me baby.” he whispers in your ear only moments before your second orgasm of the night washes over you. With your sweaty chests heaving, legs trembling again, and your walls clenching around him it does indeed feel as if you were flying, like your soul has left your body and you were now on some transcendental plane of existence. 

You can feel his body tense above yours and his breathing change as he follows you into orgasmic bliss, emptying himself deep within you, as you clench around him. Neither of you say anything but the gentle whispers of each other's names over and over until he collapses on top of you in a sweaty heap. You untangle your fingers from his and bring your hands up to run your fingers through his hair. 

In the blissful moments afterwards you realize something and it hits you hard. He is the first man that you’ve ever had sex with that has given you an orgasm. You couldn't help the tears that begin leaking from your eyes on their own accord,

“Oh baby, please tell me that it wasn’t that bad?”he questions, soundly slightly alarmed.

“No-no-no Rami, it’s not that. That was. Oh my God, that was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s just that. I’ve never had a sexual partner give me an orgasm before, and you’ve given me two in an hour. I’m sorry”

You both hiss when he pulls himself out of you and rolls his body so that he is situated at your side. He pulls you into his arms and gently strokes your hair.

“I’m honored. I love,” he hesitates for a second before continuing,”being able to give my partner an orgasm.”

“Oh Rami- you are-God you are amazing.”

Neither of you spoke again that night. Only sweet kisses and a lot of cuddling until you both fall into a deep sleep feeling completely sated and happy; a tangle of limbs. 

( P A R T T W O )

@xmxisxforxmaybe @free-rami @ramimedley @r-ahh-mi @diasimar @txmel @stewielover95 @safinsscar @ladyr0b0t @youthtea @ramisgirl512 @mrhoemazzello @hissom1933 @spacedustmazzello @sassystrawberryk @ramimalekpan @breadnbutternips @itslula1991 @warmommy @imnottiredofgettingoveryou @alottanothing @mezzomercury @theultraviolencefan @the-real-ramimalekpeen @hazeleyedbeth @w0lfglrl17 @adoremalek @rawmemalek @lunasasylum @zodiyack @sasha--1996 @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye @anotheronebitesthedick  @petites-fantasies 

[spnsmile]

Title:  Stranger Things

Summary: When Sam and Dean went to hell to look for the Occultum and Castiel went to the Empty and he got results. He was so happy to find Sam and Dean back when he wakes up until—

“You’re an idiot, by the way,” Dean says, a typical greeting. Then there’s the second Dean freed from the wall flirting at him, Castiel thinks he has enough of Dean to deal in one day.   

You will treat Castiel with respect, Huntercorp Dean!

Rating: M

Word Count: 7550

Tags/Warnings: Established Destiel, 15x13 coda, fluff, too much fluff, talks and fluff, established relationship, Huntercorp Dean

Written for the @supernaturalpromptchallenge for April prompt: Health and Well being Prompt 1. Full Recovery & 2: Massage

Enjoy!~~~~~~~~~~~“You’re an idiot, by the way.” 

Castiel grimaces. It's not the greeting he wanted from Dean after his harrowing escape from the Empty. He can still feel the torment of the Shadow, the creeping sadness and regret that coursed through his essence like a river still eerily fresh.

Then there's Dean calling him an ‘idiot' with vigor, which was unfair when they both did something equally dangerous. Dean going to hell wasn’t any smarter but Castiel refrains from waging war. Energy is required for the arduous task of engaging Dean, something which he currently doesn't have at his disposal.

So he ignores Dean. He talks to Sam, concentrates on making them understand his choice at the same time trying to fully recover his strength. It’s not easy to jump back in his vessel right after being in his amorphous form. The sensation of pain cast by the Entity was gone, but the residual effect of his grace rolling through his veins took time. He escapes the Empty and that should be a cause for celebration.

But then there’s Dean breathing down on him like a pissed rhino-bear.

Castiel hates this frying pan and fire scenario where Dean gets to be the fire giving him a real burning sensation in his blood— no, you don’t understand— Castiel can pet a rhino and a bear. He doubts the same approach would work on Dean. Unsurprisingly, pizza works on Dean. He and Jack bought so many for him the last time too. Jack calls Dean the pizzaman these days, but Castiel doesn't have the patience for the pizzaman today.

Distractedly explaining about Ruby and the location of the Occultum artifact gets him some fresh air. But he was still stung by Dean’s greeting, so he gets up when he felt less clammy then demands, “Do you still think I’m an idiot?”

The daggers in Dean’s eyes disappear but the cross features remain. Dean hesitates a moment, then fumes back.

“Well, yeah!” 

Castiel tilts his head. Dean is still angry and murderous. Rhinos are easier to understand. Bears too. He’d still choose Dean though. As he understands, it’s part of Dean’s charm, to be his usual overprotective self not only to Sam nowadays. Castiel by extension and Jack. It takes a second for Dean to become amiable about this whole mess until they all agreed they gotta get down the road now.

Finally, moving in the right direction.

Until Dean tells them his ‘dumb’ idea.

Castiel follows Dean to the corridor while he explains his plan, all the while Castiel is still uncomfortable in his skin. He can't point it but there's a crawling needle prickling at the back of his head. Dean opens the door where they are keeping the Sam and Dean Winchesters stuck on the wall.

It’s not so dumb after all. To make decoys of the alternate universe Winchesters stuck on the wall. Long story short, they need the ingredients for the spell which Sam and Jack are now retrieving from the storage room, leaving Castiel and Dean sitting beside each other with arms crossed.

Nobody spoke for a minute. They watch the ghost of the brothers make dunderheads of each other with routine slaps on the shoulders. Castiel looks at Dean from the corner of his eyes. The jutting outline is magnificent from his view but Dean won't look at him.

"Are we not going to talk about your mini outburst?" he begins slowly, hesitating if it was the right time to ask. In the last couple of months, he tried to move on with a severe connection from Dean after their fallout. He found he can live without Dean but with a shocking revelation that he didn't want to. He's not going to go through that again. Rowena was right about fixing things.

Dean makes a face.

"I dunno, do you?”

"Well, I am the one asking." he points out.

"Right." Dean clicks his tongue, "I dunno, Cas. I mean you sneak around behind me doing your stuff without regard to your being, and then you always expect me to understand it's okay. I know we live a hard life, but one of the things I get jumpy all the time is because I know the people around me are capable of doing the stupid stuff. And I'm not just talking about you, okay?" he clarifies, glaring at Castiel who opens his mouth to argue.

Castiel closes his lips, nodding. He peers closely in Dean's eyes with things getting clearer. It always gets clearer when Dean voices out his concerns. But he stands by his choice.

"I just wanted to help with the mission.”

"I know you do, Cas. But sneaking behind me- what's next? I learn you die?’

Castiel looks away. He can feel Dean's eyes boring on his face but he can't look back. He feels Dean's turmoil now, electric wires vibrating in his skin.

"Sometimes we think it's the right choice. But when we do stuff without thinking of what those around us will feel, about those people we leave behind, that scares me." Dean's voice grows quiet. "Because it's usually me who gets left to deal anyway, and if you don't care about that... nothing I could do but just worry every day, I guess.”

Castiel clasps Dean's arm, heart-wrenching. The tight grasp earns him a surprised gasp, but that's how much he wants to hold Dean. He understands it now, why Dean needs to get angry.

"I'm sorry," he says, feeling hollow. A word that cannot encompass how regretful he is of his choices, and the choices he hasn't revealed. It pained him to think of Dean in the end, but he still couldn't say a word about his deal with the Shadow. But he meets Dean's eyes. Deeply. Sincerely. With all his heart."Dean, I'm sorry."

Dean looks somberly back at him behind the veiled green eyes of pain. Castiel pulls Dean to him and embraces the man, breath hitching. Castiel always finds himself getting drawn over Dean's reasoning. That's how Dean's mind works. How his heart works. Dean's so bright even then.

"S'long as you know." Dean hugs him back, both hands on Castiel's lower back, reeling him in and the tension broke, his body dropping heavily on Castiel like jelly. "I need you safe, Cas.”

But the way Dean sighs, it's like a wish, a prayer unattainable. Castiel wished he could grant it with a whip of his grace. He wants to protect Dean so badly but he can't do anything about the man's deep concerns so all he can do is press a kiss on his cheek.

"You know I always return to you, Dean." he pulls back, smiling at Dean's glistened eyes, brows contorting at the flushed speck of freckles. "How do I comfort you?”

"Give me a massage?”

"Massage?"

Dean nods, blushing, hands still on Castiel's hips. "M'yeah. Took a beating from hell when Jo's lackeys ambushed us. You know how you angels get to make demons your dogs now?”

But Castiel is already running his hands over Dean's cheeks and shoulders.

"Were you hurt? I can heal you.”

"No, you dork. Do you think I didn't notice how sluggy you were back there after your little trip to the Empty?  We still need your grace for Dean 2 over there, I don't want you too tired. By the way, you’ll know the difference between me and that handsome dumbass, right?”

“Of course.” Castiel throws him a frown. “Your duplicates may have a copy of your appearance and soul, but I don't share my profound bond with all other Dean Winchesters out there the way I do with you. I expect this one to be just this… handsome dumbass.”

Dean smiles in satisfaction. The smile that turns upside down when he looks over his shoulder to the brothers giggling for some reason.

“They don’t look too bothered to be stuck on the wall.”

Castiel suppresses another chuckle. He gets his hands on the meat of Dean's shoulder and begins doing the massage routine he often observes humans do. He likes it when Dean looks back at him after a sexy moan. Castiel narrows his eyes at him.

“Believe me, their tolerance of Supernatural is… incredible. Maybe that's one thing they got from the original? The fact that they look very… equable about all this inconvenience in face of danger is just like you and Sam.”

"Ah, fuck, that's good." Dean hums at a very good dig between his shoulder blades. “They can’t feel they’re in a wall? How does that work? Are they only souls now?”

Cas shrugs. “Suspended animation, though,  I doubt they can even see anything pass each other.”

“What about their stupid car?”

“I don’t see it anywhere.”

“You think it’s stuck on another wall?” Dean looks around in alarm with an arched eyebrow.  Castiel smiles at the grumpy expression knowing well Dean’s tastes. He did a compression over the bulky muscles. Dean exhales.

"Cas, you're fucking me.”

"Quiet. Jack can hear us." he orders and Dean clamps his mouth in submission. After a moment, the corners of lips curls mischievously.

"I'm glad you're safe, Cas.”

"I have to. Who else can make you moan like this." he uses a bit of his grace, softening the tight tissues covering Dean's shoulders to his back. Dean gives an out loud grunt with his fingers digging over Castiel's hips. He pulls their hips together and grinds their front. Castiel kisses his moan.

"You sure those idiots can't see us? We're not giving them free porn subscription, right?”

Castiel squints back at the ghosts like Winchesters. The Winchesters on the wall remained in their world,  but Castiel’s attention is no longer on them. Dean is building up some good pressure in their front. He listens carefully to Sam and Jack's footsteps too, it's not something the boy should see yet. He finger-kneads Dean's neck, going as far as the back of his neck. It elicited some satisfying effect on Dean's expression.

Castiel looks down between them. It's not good. At this rate, they will be distracted.

"I'm going to hunt Jo after this. We cannot trust her.”

"Seriously, Cas? You're gonna talk about a random angel while I get my boner on you?”

“I’m just saying, at this late stage, we don’t know whose side she is and that’s dangerous.  Anael is cunning,  Dean. She won't work for us, then she works for against us.” he watches Dean's eyes dip sleepily and smiles. "You like it?”

“Your hand works like magic, babe. I got a bruised elbow and banged hip,  we still kicked their ass though.”

Castiel works his eyes over from Dean’s elbow to his hip with overprotection coursing through his body. He doesn’t see blood and he’s not waiting for it. Jo needs to be reminded about how the Winchesters are under his protection.

“Here,” he adds pressure on his fingers kneading Dean's nape. It elevated the stiffness on Dean's jaw and he's moaning again. Castiel thought he’d never recover from that. "Sexy Winchester." He whispers.

Dean snorts out of nowhere. Their eyes lock softly. Dean looking with an intense fixation on his lips. Castiel can feel Dean wanting to lean down, but he's currently holding the hunter's nape hostage under his expert massaging hands. When he realized he won't be doing any kissing soo, Dean satisfies himself with drinking Castiel's blue eyes.

"Should stop before Samwitch finally decides we need to be stuck on the wall too." he murmurs. Castiel nods but it takes them a full minute to pull away from each other.

Dean steps a little away, shifting on his jeans to do something about his boner. Castiel looks down his front, uses his grace to calm his steamy reaction to Dean. There are always steamy days with Dean in the Bunker. They worked their way over it after their little trip in Purgatory but they've never gone far. Not with all the things happening around them, they don't even have time to breathe.

Dean clears his throat after a moment, then jumps to a change of subject.

“Sam is hideous with the John Snow bun, what is the thinking? And my guy in the flashy  jacket too ‘yellowy’ if you ask me.”

Castiel is glad for the quick save. “I agree with the contrast in nature so you shouldn’t be worried about your close friends being unable to tell the difference.  The flashy jacket is an indication enough. Although it does compliment the color of your eyes.” He does think of that deeply, more than he cares to admit.

He finds Dean eyeing him thoughtfully.

“You think that awful color brings out the color of my eyes? Do you think I should wear that? I’d rather kill myself if someone made me wear that.”

“Let’s not give out points of weakness.” Castiel frowns.  “He doesn’t dress that bad for a human.”

“Wow, Cas? Are you gonna jump sides when he comes out? Got another guy to lay the profound bond?” Dean teases lightly.

“Now you’re being an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“No matter how much you look like, he'll never be you and you will never be him. Just like how Jimmy is not the same as me even when we share the same vessel. And you don't need bright colors to bring out how much you shine,  Dean. You are too bright enough on your own for me.”

He doesn't expect Dean bumping his shoulder with his own, grinning from ear to ear. Butterflies tumble inside his stomach is what he would explain his sudden blush. DEan can make him lose it time and again, but not when he's so happy like this. Castiel can live with Dean just smiling like this every day.

“When did you learn how to suck up, Cas?”

“I don't do suck up, I don't understand suck up. And I was saying the truth, Dean.” 

“Sounds like mighty sucking if you ask me, or is it because you like me?”

Castiel doesn't answer. There's something inside him that wants to burst from happiness, but at the same time, freezes him every time he does. The crawling feeling is back again and he crosses his arms so Dean won't notice.

Dean did. He steps closer.

"What's wrong?”

"Nothing." no, it's not 'nothing'. He suddenly feels cold. The claws of torment from the Empty is gripping him, closing on his throat tight. He's sure Dean can see it, though he doesn't know how. Maybe his bond with Dean has intensified over the years.

"Cas, Tell me, okay? What's wrong?”

He meets Dean's eyes again, feeling Dean is allowed this much truth at least when Dean has shown him the same vulnerability just now.

"I was just... I don't do overthinking as much as you humans tend to do but, I suddenly had this bad feeling from the Empty. Like it's sucking me back, literal sucking Dean." he gulps with a sigh. Dean's gentle palm touches his cheeks.

Green eyes are frighteningly bright, brighter than the sun. And Dean's smiling so confidently, Castiel feels all the darkness in his heart melts away.

“Heh. Stop worrying about it, Cas. Don't think we won't find a way to get you out there. I won't let that happen."

And Castiel believes him. Believes in Sam and Dean Winchester, the men who broke doors from heaven, hell, Purgatory and alternate universes… of course. Being just who they are. It's strange how Dean can calm him. It's stranger because all his worries just vanish like Dean is the answer to his own prayers. But stranger things have happened like how he just wants to kiss Dean over again. The Empty doesn't nag even then, maybe because he still worries for Dean at the back of his mind.

Even worrying for Dean if the Empty does come. It's all strange, this thing between them.

Castiel smiles, Dean's confidence flowing to him. Strange how Dean is like his angel. "Thank you, Dean.”

Dean beams.

"Any time. But if you wanna return the favor, just comfort me how my double self can wear all that fabric?" Dea nods at the wall. He is always good at dodging and dropping cheesy stuff. So they're back at the 'wardrobe' critiquing.

They run their eyes on the material. Dean tucking his arms closer as if it pains him on many levels. “Ugh. How can he run with all that fabric?”

“Run from who?”

“It’s a given I’m always being chased whatever universe I am in, okay?”Castiel stares at him at loss. Dean stares back then rolls his eyes when he realized Castiel didn’t get it. Arms violently untangling from his chest, he points at his face.

“Oh, come on! This face, really?”

Confused, Castiel shakes his head wordlessly.

“Good thing you're hot, Cas, and I like your coat too." Dean drops it.

“I like my coat. Physical appearance remains a concept to angels, Dean. We don't find value in what the naked eyes can see.” he looks from Dean to the other Dean. “But I'm sure Chuck will see the difference. He is ’god’.”

“You think it’s a dumb idea too?”

“No, I think it’s unnecessary.” Castiel admits, “but it hardly matters now, we are going to release them from this wall one way or another.”

“What are you going to do if you’re the one stuck on the wall?” Dean grins. “I’d do the same thing.” The watch the brothers play rock paper scissors again. Castiel squints with a hint of amusement.

“I believe you.”

“You do?” Dean plasters a smile, Castiel can’t help staring at his lips for a moment before turning back to the wall.“Yeah, as long as you don’t blast the wall when you go do the rescues stuff, maybe I should worry.” Dean smiles goofily at him, nudging his shoulder. He leans too close, his breath against Castiel's skin. “Don’t blast the wall. I'll lose it, I tell you. Cause that's hot. I like it when you're badass.”

Castiel flushes, but he swallows down his answer when Jack and Sam return, carrying ingredients for the spell. Sam asks for his grace which Castiel quickly hands over by the table. Sam is talking but Castiel can only glare at Dean. He pulls away when Sam calls his name, doing so gives him a closer look at the wall where the other Dean now is inspecting the wall with round eyes.

It's strange how he can look at Dean's face and not feel the same thing. He shoots his Dean a look and there's that warm fuzzy feeling by only looking at Dean's creased brows. Castiel looks back at the other Dean. The round eyes and smooth expression. He doesn't feel a thing. .So strange... This Dean

If his Dean staring back at him with no recognition in his eyes, it would devastate him. He finds himself glancing back to his Dean with longing. Dean seems to catch on when Castiel returns to his side.

Dean gives him questioning look bordering to concern. Castiel just nods and together, they watch as Sam finalizes the spell and move back. Jack stands beside Castiel with a worried expression. Jack has learned the art of expression.

Quietly, they watch the simmering white smoke of the angel's grace erupt from the bowl followed by a blinding flash of light.

When Castiel opens his eyes next, he is staring at the living breathing forms of the Winchester brothers looking back, struck at their copies staring right back at them.

"This is..." Jack starts, blinking in awe.

"Strange." Castiel finishes for him.

There’s a beat when nobody breathes. Until the other Dean grins from ear to ear like he hasn’t just been peeled from the wall unceremoniously. He double-takes and points at Castiel’s Dean. 

“Now that’s something worthy of my memoir.” he breathes in excitement.

Dean face screws, Castiel’s too.  “You have a mem-what?”

This Dean flashes a boyish grin that struck Castiel. It holds no features of Dean’s distinctive nature, no mood, no heaviness, no lines of pain on his smooth face whatsoever. It struck Castiel just how much the two Dean’s are unalike. And he won’t begin with the bright souls. They are similar in structure, but different in weight at the same time and he’s glad he can tell.

The weight on his Dean the one he’s bonded to draws him with open gravitation.

“Uhmm…” says the singsong voice of Dean’s alternate. “This is hard to swallow.  Would you give me your best whiskey I need a break and a good bath and a good bed.”

Castiel rolls his eyes.  Dean’s eyes bore on his doppelganger too,  and a tiniest forced smile appears on his lips.

 “I bet it is. And no. Not until you grant us a little favor.”

The alternate Sam Winchester looks around with open palms.  “Sure,  I mean we know you have lots of questions-”

“Oh yeah,  like how you two were able to open a rift on your own,” Sam says fixing his doppelganger a look.

“No one’s going to get me a whiskey?” The alternate Dean’s eye falls on Castiel’s way and he cringed at the evidence that he saw.  He can tell with just a glance now,  deep into that soul, this is not the real Dean.

The green eyes linger at him for a moment,  then looked back distractedly when his own alternate brother spoke.

“Maybe we can do this with proper accommodation? I mean,  we don’t mean to impose-”

“Oh,  you wouldn’t.” Dean shakes his head,  “We have jobs for you.”

“A…  job…” Alternate Sam’s voice falters, line appearing on his forehead where his hair is tightly pulled back.  Sam furrows his own brows,  glancing at Dean uncertainly. 

“So are we just gonna stand here or what?” Dean asks a little impatiently. He nods at the door to indicate where to go. The alternate universe Winchesters exchange a look before man bun Sam turns to Dean.

“Just a little curious and an answer to your- my other versions query.  We opened a rift using high technology science and supernova power from the collapsing world. We know by theory it is possible when something godlike is present in our world.  We know Apocalypse was coming and been prepared for so long… Now,  I’d like to know how you got us out from there?” he points delicate hands on the wall behind him. “That kind of spell must need some kind of celestial energy.?

“Uh, yes. Cas got that covered for us.” Sam answers,  nodding over Castiel who primly sets into his reset mode as the eyes fall on him. Other Dean gives him a once over,  his mouth dropping open.

“The guy in the trench coat helped you, how?” the other Sam asks skeptically.  “Cas is an angel.” Jack promptly answers,   “Well, Dean’s guardian angel.”

Dean and alternate Dean exchanges a look this time.  Dean’s eyes narrow as the alternate Dean stares at him and then Castiel.

“Got a problem?”

“You have your own angel?”

“Yeah, it’s my kind of thing.  I’m guessing you don’t?”

“No,” alternate Sam responds while alternate Dean sneaks a look at Castiel,  his eyes full of wonder, “Angels are different, we only work with them when necessary. They get in touch with us when something that concerns civilians is involved.”

“You work for them?” Sam says in disbelief.

“With them.” Alternate Dean continues, glancing over Castiel again, “So maybe we can do this all over again somewhere comfortable with couch and whiskey,  what do you say?” he throws a look at Castiel now,  addressing him like they’ve known each other for years.  “Wanna get me the whiskey, angel?”

Castiel chews his tongue. He glares not only at the alternate Dean but even to his own Dean who’s already frowning at his doppelganger.

“I apologize,  I do not handle Dean’s liquor beverages,  you have to ask permission from him to get one.  And…” blue eyes flash. He makes sure he’s looking straight at the soul of the carbon copy he does not recognize. “I’m a guardian angel, not your servant. I can easily throw you back on the wall so…you will treat me with respect.” he enunciates the words clearly, the way he did when he said it to Dean. He deliberately catches the real Dean’s eyes somehow gets unreadable.

Alternate Dean just breathes,  or wheezes as he steps back.  Satisfied, Castiel pushes Jack out of the room after giving Sam and Dean mutual nods.

They are already in the middle of the corridor when he heard the gushing voice of the alternate Dean trembling in excitement. “Did he just flirt with me?  Did you see how his eyes  just felt so intense on mine?”

“No.” Dean growls.

Castiel doesn’t hear from the Winchester and Winchester for the next twenty minutes.  He knows they are in the War room, he can hear them all the way from the kitchen where he and Jack sit down, listening. Well, Jack is eating the pizzas again, but listening saves him time and effort of asking Sam and Dean later.  Ten minutes of exchange from the Winchesters and he becomes thoughtful.

He doesn’t question the authenticity of the story but it surprised him to find John Winchester was supposed to be in this world as well. He can hear Dean’s heartbeat when he closes his eyes. Shock beyond measure, but nothing to the knowledge that the John Winchester of the other world used all his assets to build a giant corporation. Unlike Dean's father who exhausted all means to seek revenge.

Which is more like Dean, to be honest. Castiel doesn't ponder on the thought of Dean being too much like his father. Dean has moved on it over years ago. Has become the better version of his father.

When they finish, Castiel hears them move to the inner corridors to get a change of clothes. Castiel focuses on Jack then, conversing on the next step after getting the Occultum.

The plan was to be there around nightfall.  They know it’s not the best hour to hunt for an important object, but they cannot delay any longer. Anael has made it clear she is their enemy. Just thinking about how she had Sam and Dean risk their lives makes him want to hunt her just on principle. 

Then again, it can also be just Anael's angel instinct to protect Heaven's artifact. Castiel knows if anyone asked him about it, he would also protect it without question, just like what he did with the tablet. Though, he would likely be trusting Dean more than anyone.

Ten minutes and Jack goes to his own room,  leaving Castiel to follow Dean’s whereabouts.  He can feel Dean's link in the garage with Sam. Their conversation is very personal but he wanted to be there for Dean. He makes his way along the corridor when at the turn, he gasps when he nearly collided with Dean- not his Dean- but a Dean in his Dean's red flannel.

The lazy petting on the fringes of the hair is also telling. This is the Huntercorp Dean.

“Angel,” Dean breathes out, eyes shining in excitement again.

Castiel takes a step back, uncomfortable with their proximity. Gone here was the pattern of Dean jumping away whenever he drops by to visit. He doesn't mind the 'angel', but his auto mode slips an answer distracted by the fact that the red flannel only makes him real.

“My name is Castiel. And you’re wearing Dean’s lumberjack.”

“What, oh this? I know.  Horrible right?”  

Castiel’s expression closes. Huntercorp Dean seems to realize it’s the wrong thing to say. It’s one thing for Cas to comment on Dean’s choice of wardrobe. It’s another when another person makes a mockery of his friend’s casual dress he’s grown fond of no matter his previous jives.

“You will only wear it after a couple of hours.  Once we return,  I will personally retrieve it from your possession.”

Huntercorp Dean flushes. It's a kind of his Dean’s embarrassed look when he gets discovered about his porn and preference to adorable rabbits.

He gets distracted by how this Dean keeps swallowing every time their eyes make contact,  even steps closer on purpose. He doesn’t know what to make of that.  His first meeting with his Dean back in hell was violent. It doesn’t change when they first laid eyes on each other’s physical form.

And this reminded Castiel again,  this is not his Dean.

Huntercorp looks him up and down looking giddy,  cheeks flushing with green eyes almost glassy Castiel can see his own image reflected on them.

“That’s so cool,  angel Castiel? Hebrew for the angel of Thursday,  huh? I know all the names of angels back home,  I’ve got a good memory and I learn fast. My dad used to praise me,  y’know. Best hunter he’s seen since his days.”

Castiel doesn’t mention how he heard the story. The surprise timber of the voice of his friends upon the discovery of Hunter Corp and John Winchester being a perfect father. Perhaps a little too much of a perfectionist.

“So uh…” Hunter Corp Dean looks down his feet looking sheepish,  “I’d know immediately who you are,  except there’s no Castiel in my world.  I don’t have a Castiel back there. Why don’t I have a guardian angel?” he asks like the typical child looking for his Christmas present.  With a pout.

“I have no idea, but I need to be somewhere so if you can move aside,  I need to be on my way.” he makes to slip pass hunter corp Dean but like his original born from the training of one John Winchester, his reflexes are commendable. He grabs Cas' arm,  then let's go like he's burnt when the angel glares at the touch.

“I’m sorry, Castiel, s-stop getting mad." he looks strangely tensed, like a younger version of Dean some ten years ago. "I uh, I don't want you made at me, okay?

Clearly the opposite of Dean's younger version who's done nothing but to piss him and push him to the edge. That Dean now who happens to belong to him now. Dean has always belonged to him from the beginning. He claimed Dean. .His Dean

This stranger is never his. Not for him to claim. He does wonder what happened to his own version unable to meet Dean Winchester. May still be the upright angel that he is... what pity... and to those Deans who also have not met him? Well, this one appears to be okay. A little shallow, but... okay.

Huntercorps Dean swallows. "Uh...about what happened back there…sorry. I got the wrong impression when he said you’re his guardian angel.”

“Apparently.” Apologizing not an hour after the first meeting? Castiel smiles remembering Dean's snarky attitude towards his own version, but it might be because of the old stick up his ass.

Huntercorp Dean sighs at the smile not meant for him. His shoulders lose an amount of tension, “So uh… are we okay now? Are you still mad at me? Are angels really supposed to get mad? Back in my universe they just come and go,  reporting orders from the attic, you know? So um…  are you, you know…  mad?”

“I’m not mad at you. But I am in a hurry,  so if this is what you need to apologize about, I sincerely accept it. Now I have to go to the weaponry room and you’re still on my way.” He points out drily. Hunter corp Dean snaps from the trance of ogling at Castiel.

“Oh. Uh…  sure, I’ll go with you.” 

It wasn’t exactly an invitation but Castiel has no reason to stop him. Now he has to change his route.

The Dean moves aside, making Castiel glare a little as he walks past him. The Dean follows him shortly,  steps lighter than the original. That eases Castiel.  At least he can hear and understand the difference.  He leads him down the narrow corridor,  his attention drifting to Dean back in the garage. He has to shut his eyes again when for the third time,  he hears Hunter corp Dean clear his throat.

“Yes?” he looks sideways for a second.

“So uh…  Dean kinda lucked out on everything else except for you,  huh? I mean,  I get it, I respect his trade.  The guy does charity work saving people on this side and he has an exclusive…  somewhat top-secret venue for the operation.  So he doesn’t get paid and he’s got issues with his dad from our conversation a little while ago-”

He lets hunter corp Dean talk. His Dean likes to talk about the most mundane thing,  but rarely about his father. This is not his Dean.

Stopping at the door, Huntercorp Dean goes on with the ramble until he clamps his mouth at the angel’s glare.

“Stay here.”

“Aw,  c’mon Castiel. We’re a team now,  you know? I got Dean’s layers of thin material for clothes, I’m not going to betray my own face.”

“You’re not him.”

“I am pretending to be him,  can’t you think of me as your extended charge too?  I’m also Dean Winchester.”

“No.” Castiel says without a hitch. It’s the calmest “no” he’s said for the day,  this morning’s encounter with Dean and his golden theories about pirates topping his chart of “no,  Deans.”

“Ow,  you hurt my feelings,  Castiel.’

Castiel narrows his eyes. "How? You and I have nothing. Dean and I have a more profound bond.” He was not supposed to say it,  but it makes him proud to do so anyway. A full second of Hunter corp Dean just blinking at him in surprise. He even looks like he swallowed a bullfrog.

“P-profound bond you mean…?”

"I chose Dean and he chose me. We're together." he feels tired more than he should about the subject.

"Really?” his eyes dilate. "Like you too really do things... and you know things?! Him and an angel?

Castiel grimaces. “We’re not supposed to talk about it.” Turning the knob, he enters, but not after the gasp that was so his Dean when he watches Doctor Sexy.

Hunter corp Dean follows him to the table where Castiel rolls the rifle on both palms. This Dean shifts on his feet like an impatient cat ready to pounce.  He can’t help reading him from how Dean does his nonverbals, but he’s an expert when it comes to Dean Winchester.

He squints a little,  unable to read this though, or perhaps it’s his own uncertainty that is frustrating him. He tries to pacify the little annoyance blossoming entirely out of nowhere and for unknown reasons in his being.  This Dean has done nothing to him. Why is he averse to the man who only looked like his friend?  Is it because they don’t have the bond?  Or because he is a complete stranger to him as the next newborn baby prophet he knows by name?

“So you guys have that kind of relationship, huh?”

“It’s a special kind.” He admits kindly.

“Ah…  that’s why he looked about to eat me every time I mention you.  I mean, I get it.  You kinda struck me the first time I laid eyes on you too. Kinda makes me jealous he’s got a special someone out there. It’s not so bad even without my usual glamour.”Castiel checks the bullets quietly.

“That looks dangerous.” Dean says,  “Your mission that dangerous even an angel needs a shotgun?”

“I don’t. I have my angel blade. This is for Dean. He’s distracted enough to just remember his handgun.  I’m making sure he doesn’t run out of full barrel count.”

“You do that for him?  I thought you said you’re not a servant?”

Castiel clamps the barrel in one snap,  then eyes this Dean coldly.

“I am not his servant.  I am his best friend and I do this on my own accord.”

“Does your Dean clean your angel blade too?”

“He has his own angel blade,  he doesn’t need to clean mine.”

“Do you do whatever he asks?” comes the uncertain question with a hard swallow.

“Of course.  Unless it is stupid, that’s when I take control.”

This Dean openly gawks at him now like he couldn’t believe his ears. Castiel locks the safety pin and tries it to make sure it’s clasped properly. He will bring extra rounds too,  for safety precaution.

Eyes bore on him.  The green eyes now slowly becoming familiar. Huntercorp Dean shakes his head.

“Oh man,  if he doesn't come back someday,  you’re free to call me anytime.”

Castiel slams the bullet back on the table so fast everything seems to spin. His quick hand snatches the red collar and in one twist he and huntercorp Dean are eye to eye with a hair strand difference.

"We're not talking about this." He hisses, voice laced with iciness. “You are not going to speak about Dean like that again.” Green eyes remain round, a flash of fear and shock battling on his expression.

"”Okay chill, Castiel,  I was just joking!

“Keep the irony to yourself.” Castiel’s jaw clenches. 

“I get it, alright! ” Hunter corp Dean touches his wrist, “I’m sorry,  it was just on the spur of the moment-I dunno, I was jealous okay? I thought you’d like me too,  you brought me alone in a room!  Now, I get it,  you want him. Not me. It’s capisce!”

“You capisce?” Castiel tilts his head in question.

“Yeah,  I capisce. Please let go.  I kinda like you, okay?”

Castiel sees a shadow from the corner of his eyes he sharply looks up to find Dean standing by the door with a box on his arms.  Castiel’s grip slackens. His Dean looks surprised for a few seconds, turn to controlled rage where his enemies should start running until everything disappears to nothing.

“Dean.” Castiel starts.

“Everything alright here? Cas?” Dean asks stiffly, putting the box down the floor and keeping his murderous eyes on Hunter corp Dean who flinches at the hard stare.

“We uh…  we were preparing your shotgun for uh… the mission and uh…” he says lamely.

Dean steps closer,  his broad body blocking the way of escape, eyebrows hiking up.

“You don’t need to feel like you need to defend yourself here in the Bunker.  It’s the safest place on earth.”

Huntercorp Dean forces a smile.

“Somehow,  I doubt that.” He gulps when Dean doesn’t stop staring.  “You always look at the guy you asked for a favor like you’re about to skin him alive?”

“Maybe.” Dean crosses his arms and shrugs. “But I don’t do favors. Your brother’s looking for you.  My Sam wants to pull the man bun,  you ought to be there for support.”

“Believe me,  I’d gladly pull the bun too.”

Dean smiles an empty one that turns into a scowl. “Now can I get back my angel?

Castiel who feels neglected for not being shown any attention gazes at Dean wide eyed and red. Huntercorp Dean sighs like he knows he just escaped death and so glad to be alive.

“See yah. You too, Castiel. And you guys can take it slow here, yeah? I’ll make sure the Sams behave too!” he winks at Dean whose face crumples in confusion. They waited for him to disappear before their eyes bore at each other. 

“I knew you were gonna sneak around.” Dean teases him, taking the box from the floor and heaving it up.  He finds Castiel with his deadpan expression already standing before him with only the box between them.

“I don’t sneak around Dean.”

“Yeah?  Getting that sexy ass here alone with you isn’t, huh?” he steps aside to put the box on a higher shelf. Castiel pulls it from his hands and easily lifts it at the top pile before rounding on Dean,  finally getting his whole attention.

“You call yourself sexy?” he asks in disbelief.

“Eyes on the beholder, remember? Same. Reaction when I saw my future self back in 2014. I was hot as fuck, your old self there would’ve agreed.”

“What was I like there?  You never told me.”

Dean opens his mouth,  then stops. There’s a brief look of worry on his face but then-

“What were you thinking holing up with him here? No one ever told you how dangerous it is to be with a hot Dean Winchester in a room with four walls and only one way out?” He licks his lips, gazing down the angel’s plump ones. Castiel smiles.

“I agree.  I do feel in danger now.”

Dean laughs out loud,  his arms falling on his side with his stony features disappearing. Castiel sighs in relief, glad there wasn’t any breaking or fight between them this time. Not when they’re about to do something dangerous under Chuck’s nose.

“Just don’t put yourself in danger like this again.” Dean sounds like he’s scolding him with that finger pointing up. He doesn’t look strained at all which could only mean one thing.

Dean trusts him.

Unable to control his emotions, Castiel reaches his right palm behind Dean’s neck, then drags the man’s head down close to his and kisses him gently. Dean’s lips are always moist,  always soft maybe because of Dean’s habit of always biting them temptingly.  

Castiel moans when Dean draws him closer, hands going around his waist. Running his palms on each aide of the angel,  Dean pulls back little, green eyes as expressive as ever.

The very eyes Castiel fought for so many years.

“We have an Occultum to catch,  Cas.  Stop being so distracting,  what’s gotten in to you?  I thought angels always prioritize mission?” he nudges his nose on the angels.

“I am. Doing prioritizing.” Castiel follows Dean’s lips with his eyes then dips in for a brush on the pair of red. “I made it a goal to kiss you when I see you ever since we let them out of the wall.”

“Why?” Dean sounds concerned again,  which Castiel loves about him as long as it doesn’t bite on his every risky decision. Then again,  when has Dean ever done anything he asks too?

“I'm not sure. I just want to make sure I don’t lose the way you look at me. The way you take care of me… the way you make me feel like this…”

Dean smiles and presses a kiss on his forehead. 

“Didn’t you see how my love reaches to an alternate self of mine?  Didn’t you see how he’s very smitten with you?”

“Yes,  but he’s not you.  It doesn’t matter how many alternate Deans you have, they won’t have what we have.”

“Lemme guess, our profound bond?”

“My heart.”Castiel grabs Dean and kisses him thoroughly.

Dean lets him take control,  leaving his lips into submission as Castiel ravishes his mouth. Castiel kisses his open mouth, letting his tongue roll in and out,  taking its time exploring the insides of Dean he knows too well. He meets the tongue, earning him a moan when he starts to gently suck-but then he stops.

He looks into Dean’s flushed face, so happy to know he is the reason. They mutually nod to end it there even when their hips don’t stop grinding at each other,  arms still wrapped behind each other’s back. Dean is speechless for a while.  He keeps his eyes on Castiel.

"How did I get lucky to get you, Cas? Because I’m still not convinced I deserve-”

Gentle forefinger presses on the wet lips. Castiel had a hard time removing his eyes from there.

“Shh. You don't need good fortune to be with me, Dean. We just need to be together.”

“Dean!” Sam calls from the corridor. “Dammit,  you guys better be decent there!”

“Shut up! We’re gonna be back in a second!”

“I’m counting! You know we have a treasure to find!”

“Yeah yeah!” Dean whirls to Castiel again,  eyes determined. “We all come back here tonight you and me in my room?”

Castiel’s heart pummels up.  This is the part he and Dean haven’t explored yet.  He touches Dean’s cheek lightly and nods willingly.

“Oh. I can show you just how lucky you are.”

Dean suddenly chortles nervously.

“Damn… this feels like we're doing honeymoon before the marriage.”

“Because you never ask, Dean.”

“Not like we have a place to tie our knots appearing right before our eyes.”

Hours later there is the church. Dean and Cas stare at each other,  makes out a little while Sam groans by the door, then find themselves horrified at finding Jack choking with hands on his throat.

The Nephilim had swallowed the Occultum.

They recover Jack after a good five minutes with that bright ball of light. The boy was silent a lot the whole ride home. Castiel and Dean communicate silently from the rearview mirror, Dean asking if Jack is okay. Castiel nods, having checked the boy whose body stay healthy and strong.

And that’s what matters to Dean. Jack is healthy even when he looks morose. Another hour passes and the new informally wedded husbands just get the biggest surprise of their lives.

Jack has recovered his soul. 

[ourloveisforthelovely]

To the Ends of the Earth 17

A/n: Supernatural AU. OOC Gabriel

Link to Chapter 16

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

_______

Gabriel did not let go of you for a good five minutes. You were not about to argue about it either. This had been the first bit of physical affection that the two of you had shared is some time.

After a few moments longer, Gabriel finally let go of you. He glanced over his shoulder at Amelia, who was not even looking up. The kid was too busy building her mud pies or whatever she was doing. Gabriel smirked. The kid reminded him too much of you as a child. Sometimes it was like looking in a gigantic mirror!

“Hey kid, why don’t you go inside and clean up?”

Gabriel said with a smile. Amelia nodded before standing up and dusting off her dirty pants.

“Okay, I am really dirty anyway. My daddy is going to have a cow.”

Gabriel partly wished that he could see Sam’s face when the kid walked in with mud and dirt all over her.

The amused feeling vanished as Gabriel remembered what he had to talk to you about. This wasn’t going to be a good conversation in the slightest.

“Y/n, I need to talk to you about something.”

Your happy smile quickly vanished and was replaced by that serious expression that Gabriel wished that he never had to see. He liked making you smile. This look was the furthest thing from a smile imaginable.

“Gabriel, I don’t like conversations that start like this.”

You said. It was the truth too. It seemed like every time Gabriel talked to you with this particular tone something was going straight to hell in a giant dumpster fire.

Gabriel looked at you sympathetically.

“Sugar, I was talking with Dean. We both had thought that it would be a good idea for me to keep an eye on Raphael. It seems like he is taking up making some friends around here. When I say friends, I mean other angels that have been on earth for a long time. I’m going to be gone for a few weeks...I don’t want….”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

You snapped. Gabriel sighed. He didn’t say anything for a moment. In fact, you didn’t give him a chance to get a word out. Gabriel only looked at you with that annoyed expression that he seemed to be wearing a lot more lately.

“Where was I in this conversation? Why am I never considered? I’m supposed to be your wife and I am always left out in the cold on these decisions! It's like you are just fine talking to my brothers and Cas more than me. Would you just prefer it if you kept me locked at home all barefoot and pregnant or something? I’m not some 1950’s housewife that is just going to sit around and wait for you to come home! This is insane Gabriel! Every time you go anywhere near your psycho brothers you come back not in the condition that you left in! You are just getting your grace back to 100% and now you are going back after them...this is insane!”

Gabriel gave you an innocent shrug.

“First off, barefoot and pregnant? Who the hell says that? Second, gross. You know I want nothing to do with children. Amelia is fine. She isn’t ours! We can play with her then send her back to Sam when we get sick of her. Third, I don't want you to be a stereotypical housewife. I like you the way you are. It's what I love the most about you...even though you can be difficult. Now that my grace is back, it would be the best time. Nothing is going to happen this time, Y/n.”

You shook your head wanting to sit down and hold your head in your hands.

“Then let me go with you. You know that I can hold my own in a fight.”

Gabriel shook his head.

“Not happening. I won’t be able to keep my thoughts where they will need to be. I will be worrying about you the whole time. That is how people get killed.”

You muttered something about being a big girl and not needing to be watched over all the time.

“Yes, you do and you are not going. That’s my final word.”

Gabriel said, taking on his “archangel” tone. You looked at him coldly before turning and storming back toward the bunker’s entrance. In a few hours, you would regret not kissing him goodbye or saying “I love you” at the moment, however, you wanted to kick the archangel in the shins.

“I think that I am going to form my own country and declare war on you and Dean!”

“Y/n…”

Gabriel started but stopped when you held your hand up.

“You aren’t going to listen to me anyway. I am just wasting my breath. Be ready to get a declaration of war notice...hope you and your new best friend forever Dean are up to it.”

You stormed into the bunker without another word.

Storming into the kitchen, you froze seeing Amelia looking at a gooey pancake that Sam put in front of her.

“Daddy this is gross.”

Sam looked up with a sigh and immediately knew what was wrong.

“Hold that thought, sweetheart.”

Sam said, petting Amelia’s head and turning to face you.

“I see Gabriel talked to you.”

Your eyes flickered in your older brother’s direction. Sam’s face was wary as he gave you a sympathetic expression.

“I see you knew about it too. I’m declaring war on you also.”

You snapped. Sam frowned.

“I said that he was wrong to handle this the way that he is.”

You stopped dead in your tracks and was silent for a moment. Sam was on your side. Good old Sam! You could help but be thankful for him at the moment. It was always Sam that stuck up for you when Dean treated you like a kid. Sam wanted to make sure that you had equal say in whatever the situation was.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

You said softly. Sam shook his head.

“You don’t have to apologize. I know that you get sick of being treated like a little kid.”

You nodded, coldly. That was an understatement! You were beyond sick of being treated like a child. This was the perfect opportunity to throw your feelings up in Gabriel’s face. He hated when his older brothers treated him like that kid in the family now here he was doing the same thing to you!

“I really do. Sam, do you think that I am a capable hunter?”

Sam nodded, looking over his shoulder making sure that Amelia was busy with her coloring and not paying attention to the conversation at hand.

“You know I do.”

You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Sam’s waist. He didn’t wait before wrapping his arms around you.

“Y/n, I know that you can handle almost anything that comes your way. I also know that Gabriel and Dean are trying in some annoying way to protect you too. It doesn’t mean that you should be sidelined to the kids table though.”

“All Gabriel and Dean want me to do is sit around here and play den mother. Normally I don’t mind but today I am extra pissy!”

Sam chuckled.

“Want me to take you out for ice cream?”

You stubbornly nodded. Sam smiled before turning back to Amelia who was looking up at ice cream.

“I wanna come.”

She said with a pouty expression that mirrored her father’s. You smiled at your niece before motioning her forward.

“Well, come on, sweetheart.”

Half an hour later, you sat nibbling on what was left of your ice cream cone. Amelia was halfway through a very messy hot fudge cake. You smirked as Sam sat the napkin that he was holding down in clear defeat of keeping Amelia’s white shirt clean.

“She eats like Dean.”

You said with a smile. Sam shook his head with a loud sigh.

“She is a lot like her world's okayest uncle.”

Glancing around the restaurant, you couldn’t help but notice several sets of eyes starring in your direction. You tried to keep the obviousness of the situation under control as you gazed at the multiple being looking in your direction.

“Angles.”

You muttered. Sam looked up.

“What?”

You looked around the room again discreetly before focusing your attention on your older brother.

“There are a shit ton of angels here. 1 guess as to who they are after.”

Sam didn’t even have to respond. He knew. It was you. Michael and Raphael had made it clear to any angel that you were hit number 1.

“Do you have your angel blade?”

Sam whispered. You nodded, not even having to feel for the weapon at your side. Glancing down to Amelia, you muttered fuck. This was going to be a hell of a way from your niece to figure out that angels were real and weren’t always the good guys.

“Make sure that she doesn’t peek.”

Sam nodded before leaning down and whispering something into his daughter’s ear. His eyes rolled back to yours.

“I’ve got your back.”

You nodded before stepping out of the booth. Pretending to be unaware of the danger at hand, you walked to the restaurant door. You stopped and looked out into the pleasant Kansas sunny afternoon. After taking a few deep breaths, you returned to the counter where the owner stood counting money.

“Can I get you something?”

He asked, casually. You nodded.

“A glass of water, please.”

As he went to the soda machine to fill up the cup in hand you slowly felt for the revolver in the back of your jeans.Angel killing bullets...check

“So do you have insurance on this place?”

You asked. The owner shook his head.

“Nah, nothing ever happens here.”

“Too bad.”

You muttered before taking a sip of your water. After a few more moments of silence, you turned to the angels casually sitting about the place.

“Hello, you bunch of holy fuckers. I am Y/n Winchester and I am here to deport you right back to heaven where you belong.”

As soon as the words left your lips, an angel had a hold of your hand. It took you all of two seconds to sink the angel blade into the chest of the being. After the angel was dead you turned to face a few others that were stepping closer to you.

“Oh look, you brought your friends.”

You muttered as Sam took out a few angels to your left. You reached behind you taking out your revolver and blasting the angel killing bullets into the others.

“Sam, remind me to thank Dean for his hard work on these bullets.”

Before Sam could respond, a voice you knew well began to speak

.“Yes, let's thank Dean.”

Your eyes widened as Raphael stepped out from the booth that you couldn’t see. Christ…

‘Hello, Y/n. I see you don’t have my brother watching your every move?”

You swallowed as Raphael gave you that cold brutal smile that could scare anyone to death.

“I don’t need Gabriel to watch my every move, dickbag. I have my big girl panties on. You and Michael need to get some new hobbies. I swear you two are like our little annoying fan brats that just won’t go away. I hear that scrap booking is nice.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow.

“Is that supposed to be funny? Do you think that you are funny or something?”

You grinned.

“In the words of my dear brother, I think that I am adorable.”

Raphael’s unnamed expression deepened.

“You are about to be dead. It won’t be a bad thing. I will just have to watch Gabriel be in agony for the rest of eternity but I think that I can manage that.”

You glanced at Sam out of the corner of your eye, he was watching Raphael's every move and was ready to pounce on the archangel.

“I’ve got it, Sam.”

You said softly before looking back to Raphael.

“You first.”

Before Raphael could get his hand up, you fired the gun, hitting him square in the chest. Raphael blinked stupidly as the pain began to take over.

“Bet you never expected this did you, you stupid son of a bitch? Archangel killing bullets. You thought I was just playing? Bitch I never play! Now you're dead and Michael will be next.”

You looked away as Raphael died. Part of you wanted to watch. The other part didn’t. You knew that this would be what it would be like if Gabriel died and your mind didn’t want to process it. You also didn’t want to process the thought that you would have to tell Gabriel that you had killed his brother. At odds or not, Raphael was still Gabriel’s brother and this would probably be a rough thing.

Sam’s hand touching the small of your back made you jump. You turned to face your brother, who cradled his clearly stunned daughter in his arms.

“What did aunty do?”

She whispered, looking around. Sam sighed. He had all of the intentions of letting his daughter grow up in ignorance of the ways of their “world.” Amelia could be the one that went into the world without fooling with the supernatural but who was Sam kidding? This would be her life just like it was his and yours.

“She saved all of us.”

______

@brokencasbutt67-writer

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[roseduroi]

2/3 and your brothers and your other parent are upset by what happened and they calm you down bc you’re in hysterics and you don’t want to see dom or Nikki (whichever one hit you) and are a little bit scared of them? And they feel so so horrible ab what happened and are in tears. you finally let them apologize and they hold you for a while and promise to never do it again. to clarify, it’s either dom or Nikki who you’re mad at bc they’re the one who hit u. Thank you so much ♥️

I accidentally, without a clue how, made the first part of your request disappear. I’m so sorry! I swear I pressed the ‘save’ button but the moment I re-opened the app the request was gone and so was everything I’d written in there.

I’m clueless. I don’t even know.

But, in spite of that, enjoy the re-written work! (I wrote it in a month)

English isn’t my native language, I’m so sorry for the mistakes.

-

Nikki was having a bad day. She woke up with a massive headache, broke her favourite cup for it had slipped from her hands, and the family who’d hired her as their wedding photographer, called off the order. The day really was not going her way.

She sighed, looking at the broccoli on the almost empty plate. She rubbed her temples, the headache hadn’t decreased at all. “Y/N, finish your vegetables.” Her voice was quiet as she spoke, the mum of five children felt tired and exhausted.

Her daughter did not ease the tension either; she frowned at her mum who was standing at the kitchen counter and grimaced at the rest of the food. “I don’t like it.” She shook her head.

“It’s healthy. Don’t you want to grow big and strong like your brothers?” Nikki offered a tiny smile, but only one corner of her lips rose up so slightly that even she knew she wouldn’t have bought it herself and so didn’t Y/N. “Come on, honey, eat it, just a few bites left.” She tried to encourage.

But perhaps Nikki wasn’t the only one having a bad day.

Y/N’s eyes hardened, her eyebrows knitted together, she pushed the plate away from herself. “No.” She said.

The mother closed her eyes for a brief moment, pinching the bridge of her nose while her other hand wrapped around her waist, a tired sigh followed soon after. “Y/N, please,”

But the girl only shook her head fiercely from side to side and glared up at her mother. Nikki knew broccoli was far from her favourite food, but the growing body and its organism not only required such vitamins, but it was also good for the heart and bones.

“You won’t leave this table until you’ve eaten.”

Nikki never liked to use her strict mother’s voice. It was stern, firm, authoritarian and sometimes came out way harsher than she had really intended to sound. But times like these, when everything was just too much and dreadful, patience beginning to wear thin while it was still being tested, it was hard to keep silent.

Funny things those arguments are: the biggest fights begin with the simplest and silliest of things and escalate so quickly that it becomes not so funny after all. But can it ever be avoided; it’s still two souls, minds and opinions fighting with each other, the differences between them. Is it that forgetful?  

Nikki just wanted some quietness, aspirin for the headache and a good nap to relax and sleep off the tiredness. Was it too much to ask?

Apparently, it was.

Y/N glared, her small hands clenched into fists at her sides. “Sam didn’t eat it either, I saw him feed it to Tessa right after you left the kitchen.” The mother widened her eyes; a frown appeared on her face seconds later when she perceived the information. So that’s why he was in such a hurry. But Y/N continued and not once did she let her mum intervene in her rant of anger.

“You always force me to eat everything even though I don’t want to, but when it comes to my brothers, you immediately let them eat whatever they want and it’s not fair!” The girl threw her arms up; gesturing to who knows what. She glared at Nikki, who stood there listening to her only daughter talk like never before.

The mother’s eyes were wide, she froze. Never has she ever heard her little girl talking back with such anger to anyone, let alone her parents. But to know Y/N felt like she was treated unfairly by them, by her mum… It felt like someone had stabbed Nikki in the chest and then twisted the blade for the sake of satisfaction.

For 22 years Nikki and Dominic tried to raise their children as equally as possible so that none of them would ever feel neglected or abandoned. They showered each one of them with love, care and affection, hugging was part of their daily routine and dancing together was their favourite game.

When Dominic would take their boys out fishing, it would always leave the two of the girls, Nikki and Y/N, for mother-daughter bonding time. Other times, Dominic would take Y/N on a cute date while Nikki and the boys cooked a meal or did laundry together so that someday in the future Nikki wouldn’t get the inevitable ‘my clothes are pink’ phone call.

The parents always took turns, whether it was Dominic, the twins and Y/N or Nikki, Tom and Paddy, or individually each one of them, whatever it would be, Nikki and Dom always made sure to be involved, to be there with and for them, to show them they care and their love.

They tried so hard to raise them right and treat each one of them equally.

“If it’s tasty for you, it doesn’t mean it’s tasty for me too!” Y/N said sharply, pushing back her chair to get up. “Eat it yourself if you so desire!”

“Y/N!” Nikki snapped, knitting her eyebrows together. “Watch your tone, young lady,” she eyed the girl carefully, stepping closer to her.

It was a matter of seconds, truly. In the wrong place at the wrong time; Y/N had jumped up from the chair, suddenly and recklessly, her hand grazed the empty cup that was placed near the edge of the table, the movement was sharp and abrupt, but she never meant for it to happen. Truly, it was a matter of seconds.

The cup fell to the ground, it shattered into various pieces and scattered over the floor. Y/N flinched back at the sight of the glass hitting the ground, she yelped when the cup crashed. A sudden coldness hit at the core as she gaped at the broken grass beneath her feet, she stood still, heart hammering so fast.  

But what happened next was the pure consequence of anger.

Nikki marched up to the girl, ignoring the cracking glass beneath her slippers. She grabbed the girl’s arm that knocked over the cup roughly in hers and harshly slapped the back of the hand. “Y/N!” Nikki glared at the hunched figure, shaking her daughter a little by her wrist to knock some sense into the child.

Y/N whimpered at the stinging sensation where her mother had hit her. Tears filled her eyes as she slipped out of Nikki’s painful hold. She lifted her gaze timidly up to her mum’s, raising her chin up in the process.

Nikki retracted her hand, she straightened up. Her eyes wandered over the girl’s face, taking in all the small droplets of tears rolling down her flushed cheeks down to the cold floor beneath their feet. She took in all the sights of fear in her fearful gaze and figure. The girl trembled and whimpered.

Her eyes fell onto the hand she’d hit that the girl was now tenderly holding. The anger that had hardened her gaze and heart now had been replaced with remorse and sorrow. Now Nikki’s gaze had softened.

She had hit her daughter, she had hit her child.

“Y/N…” she whispered, staring at the hunched figure. Nikki reached out for her daughter to soothe her, to comfort her, to make it all better. But Y/N trembled under the touch, shaking her head from side to side, rejecting the mother’s touch, her hold, not knowing or perhaps not discerning if it was meant for harm or comfort. She stormed out of the kitchen, rushing upstairs.

Nikki watched as Y/N slipped away and out of her sight, from her to (probably) her sons. The heart hammered in Nikki’s chest, beating so so fast. Eyes stung with tears as her heart craved to chase after the girl, but the glass cracked beneath her feet when she stepped forward, it made her eyes drop and fall on the shattered cup pieces, a tear slip down her cheek as she looked down, but her eyes welled up just as fast as the droplets touched the floor.

She clamped her hand over her mouth, suppressing a sob from escaping her lips.

-

Y/N flung the door open, it creaked. She left it cracked open.

Her figure was shaking and trembling. The sounds of soft sniffles and whimpers, and probably that creak too; it all caught the brothers’ attention. The two boys’ heads snapped to the side, startled by the sound. Their eyes widened and they exchanged glances.

Y/N sobbed, she darted forward with tears streaming her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around Sam’s waist, he was closer to her and for that moment she just wanted some warmth and affection. So she hugged him tightly, frightening the boys, startling them as they had no clue what had gotten her so worked up.

“Y/N?” Sam breathed out, carefully, not sure what to do. But he brought up his hands, slowly to embrace his sister’s figure. His movements were hesitant, his eyes shifted to Harry. But Harry only shrugged.

The girl wept, burying her head into Sam’s chest, muffling her cries. Her hands fisted around the fabric of his shirt. He shifted in his seat, moving his hands up and down the girl’s back.

“What happened, munchkin?” Harry asked gently, standing up. He knelt beside her and Sam but never did he touch her. It’d have been too much physical contact for the clearly upset girl.

She whimpered, clutching her brother tighter. With a helpless shook of the head, more warm tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks, soaking the shirt Sam wore that day, she murmured something under her breath: “Mummy doesn’t love me anymore,” Y/N spoke, her voice soft, muffled against his chest.

Sam raised his head, turning to look at his twin, eyebrows knitted together, feeling confused and bewildered. “Why-” He mumbled. “Why would you think that, sweetie?” His eyes fell on her figure once more, he grasped his sister’s both shoulders, gently pushing her back to have a clearer look at her face, to examine the girl more closely.

She wiped away the tears but never did she look them in the eye. “I-I broke a cup,” she sniffled, her hands started to shake.

Harry’s eyes softened, he looked at Y/N the same way Tony Stark gazed upon his daughter when he put her to bed and she whispered I love you. “Oh, hun… It happens to the best of us. I’m sure mum loves you all the same.” He soothed, but he knew it’s true, Sam did too… just Y/N thought differently.

“She got really mad,” The girl whispered, subconsciously grabbing a hold of her hand, rubbing the spot that was once hit. Sam lowered his eyes, she soothed her hand, the back of it was reddish, it looked like someone had smacked it. He gently took her hand in his, brushing his thumb over the skin, slowly.

“Did… did mum do it?” The twin asked carefully, meeting her tearful eyes. Soon after he received a soft nod and his head jolted to the side, looking at Harry wide-eyed.

“I was-” Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat, but her eyes were filling up with tears so fast. “It was my fault! I should’ve eaten those broccolis in the first place, b-but you didn’t and I just want to be like you, but then the cup accidentally fell and momma got very angry and her face changed!” She sobbed out; the tears freely fell down onto the ground and she curled her fingers into Sam’s shirt.

The brother wrapped his arms around the trembling figure, bringing his sister closer. So many tears burst forth, her breathing got heavier and she was gasping for air that wasn’t really there. Her chin trembled; sobs wracked her body and her throat burned. Y/N cried and she hiccupped, her head felt like underwater, sounds dull, the world all a blurry place.

“Y/N, breathe,” Harry told her, now putting his hand on the girl’s lower back, feeling the figure shake under his palm, tremble from overwhelming emotions. His eyes tight, worried, as he watched the hutched form of his sister; “Match your breathing with Sam’s, okay? Can you do it for me? Yeah, that’s it, deep breath in and long one out, just like that. Good. Slowly, in and out,”

The brother encouraged, watching as the girl unclenched her fists, the tension in her muscles slowly released and her breath matched Sam’s. She breathed in and out, just like he told her she followed his voice with her eyes closed and the silvery tracks of the shed tears shining on the rosy cheeks. She nuzzled her cheek against the other brother’s shirt, and suddenly her tears turned into soft sniffling.  

The twins glanced at each other. The door creaked.

-

Tom opened the door.

He dropped the bags, letting go of its handles. He rushed to his mum’s side, falling on one knee, placing one hand on her shoulder, he asked, his voice soft, filled with concern: “Mum?” He eyed the woman’s figure, her face; as she brought one of her arms up, wiping away a lone tear with the sleeve so that her son wouldn’t see her crying.

Nikki snuffled, tilting her head a little to the side, but never really looking him in the eye.  “You’re back so fast,” she tried to smile. It didn’t reach her eyes. “Did you-did you get milk?”

“Mum…”

“And the- the eggs? Tom, you better have not forgotten the eggs.” She joked through tears, her voice cracked, her hands shook, but she joked through tears.

“I bought it; it’s fine. Eggs, milk, carrots – everything – it’s in the bag. On the kitchen counter,” Tom said, he pursed his lips, gazing down at the broken glass. He watched as Nikki threw the shattered pieces into a dustbin with trembling hands, as she tried to pretend she was fine with the tracks of tears still shining on her cheeks.

He helped her clean up the broken glass after; he got a broom and dustpan, swept up the broken shards. She wiped the floor with a damp paper towel folded in half for the smaller pieces. But no one uttered a word. The mother seemed to have calmed down, her breathing slowed, but her eyes, her eyes told him a completely different story.

Nikki looked defeated, hurting. As if she was there, standing right next to him but her thoughts, her eyes were somewhere else, absent. She looked haunted, staring into the distance, lost in her thoughts. If ghosts haunted places, history, have they ever been shadowed by thoughts? Were the ghosts in the shadow of a thought?

“Mum…”

“I’ve had a very bad day,” she started weakly, looking into Tom’s eyes, at his soft features. She turned away. “I lashed out. It was such a silly thing.” But nowhere near an excuse; She didn’t say it out loud, what a mistake she’d done that thousand apologies could never erase, excuses would never justify.

What kind of mother has she become? What kind of mother slapped their child?

“What happened?”

She couldn’t bring herself to answer when Tom asked. She couldn’t tell him what had happened; she was too ashamed to admit what she had done. She wasn’t a violent person, she didn’t behave like this when things got rough; she raised her boys without any act of violence, and yet she broke a promise when she’d lost her temper. It wasn’t how she was supposed to behave. It wasn’t how a mother was supposed to behave.

She was supposed to be her protector and yet she’d violated her trust.

She knew it was impossible to be a parent and never lose your temper. She was a mother of four boys and a girl. How many times their toys (their socks!) had been scattered all over the floor, the house?  How many times had she stepped on a Lego or they refused to eat? There had been thousands of times she was in similar situations but never had she ever laid a hand on them.

How much she wished to take it all back, to undone what had been done.

“Mum?”

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and Tom’s soft gaze looking at her. She wondered if Y/N would ever look at her the same way.

She sniffled, blinked away the tears.

What would Dominic say if he knew? How will she have to tell him, the boys that she was the reason behind the girl’s tears?

“I know there’s no excuse, but I was so tired and my head hurt… and-and Y/N just kept talking back and then she knocked over the cup. I know she didn’t mean to but at that moment it seemed like she did it on purpose and I got so angry.” Nikki covered her face with her hands, her eyes welled up and she shook her head. “I never meant to hit her.”

She felt how Tom tensed up; his brown orbs grew wide as he pulled back. When he stuttered out the word mum, she heard the disappointment in his shaky breath, disbelief in his tone. Her heart sank but she knew it was well deserved.

“Where-where is she now?” Tom asked, his eyes searching for something as he looked around.  

“Ran off,” the woman whispered.

Why was it so hard to find words?

The boy looked at the hunched figure, the sight crushed his heart. He hated the tears which streamed his mum’s cheeks; he hated the way her eyes painted red. But he felt torn in between, felt the rush of protectiveness, rush of upset rise up his chest, what a dilemma it was.

“It’d happened. Okay,” He started, his voice sounded surprisingly calm. He was in control of his own emotions. “We-we all make mistakes and-and some of them are worse than others but those mistakes, it doesn’t define us mum, it’s how we respond after.” Tom quoted, using the woman’s once said words.

“It’s Y/N we’re talking about, mum,” he tried to offer her a small smile. “She loves you and that’s why she’ll forgive you.”

-

When the door creaked and Tom stuck his head round the door, all eyes fell on him. He stepped in and glanced over his shoulder, giving his mum an encouraging smile before turning his attention back to his siblings.

Sam was sitting in a chair, his arms wrapped around their sister’s waist who was standing in between his legs, her cheeks flushed, eyes red - signs that she has been crying. Harry knelt beside them; he had his arm placed on one of Y/N’s leg.

Tom’s eyes met the girl’s and he cracked a small smile. She wriggled out of her brothers’ grasps, taking cautious steps towards her oldest brother. She hugged his waist.

What supportive brothers she really did have. How close and comfortable they were around each other.

Nikki smiled, tilting her head to the side. Her eyes seemed to sting a lot that day. “Darling,” her voice sounded weak and frail, barely above a whisper. But it was enough to catch their attention, the boys’ and the girl’s.

Y/N gasped when she saw her mum as she looked at her wide-eyed, pressing herself closer to Tom, feeling his hand caressing her back.  Nikki’s movements were graceful, slow… gentle. Could movements be soft, tender as words, meaningful as actions? Because if it could, could be, how much did they told?

She knelt in front of her sweet girl, their eyes locking together.

If gestures talked, the small movements spoke, it’d tell who loved, who thought to be equal to smaller, to look in the eye while talking. It showed equality, respect. Showed what was said mattered.

Nikki reached out for her, warmly; took the girl’s hand in hers. Her thumb caressed the soft skin. “I’m so sorry, little one.” She whispered, searching for forgiveness in the girl’s eyes.

She brought her other hand up to Y/N’s face and she felt the girl lean into the touch. So she pulled her into her arms without waiting for anything else, uttering soft promises as the girl hugged her back.

-

Sam sighed, swearing he’d turn grey rather faster than expected.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

It Won’t Always Be Like This

Summary:  You loved them, but you were getting tired of how they treated you like you were fragile in the wake of an injury. It’s a journey to healing. 

Features: Arguing, angst, eventual fluff; Peter Parker shows up

Pairing: Stucky/Reader

Notes: I considered including a smut scene, but it just doesn’t fit with the flow. I might write a smutty companion piece to this. 

Word Count: 2642

The water lapped at the shore, a cool breeze sweeping across the lake. You had driven there to think. Another day, another screaming match. You couldn’t help but wonder if it would always be like this, if love was destined to fizzle out like a fire left unattended. You had taken the ring off in the midst of it all before storming out the door.  

It wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, two men out of time had charmed their way into your life. You were the newest Avenger then. Things had just settled after the Accords fiasco. You had fallen for them both in equal measure. You didn’t realize falling for them would lead to this kind of feeling.

It had started simple enough. You were pulled off your first mission back from injury six months prior. You had understood. You could have died on the mission that had been the reason for your injury. But you had completed your therapy, your injury was healed, and you were clear and back in fighting form. And then you got pulled from the next mission. You were only being put on lower level missions, with field agents rather than the Avengers. People took note, rumors swirled that maybe you weren’t the same person you were before the injury. Anyone who was in the field with you could tell that wasn’t true. 

The first big fight you had with Steve and Bucky ended with you spending the night away from the compound, at Tony and Pepper’s cabin. Tony had come to be like a father figure to you. You had spent that night watching Morgan and avoiding talking about what had happened until Pepper coaxed it out of you later in the night. That had been four months ago. It had taken you two months to catch on to what was going on. You could remember that fight with striking clarity. 

“So, would either of you care to explain why the hell I’ve been stuck with babysitting duty?” you asked as you stormed into Steve’s office. He and Bucky were in the midst of a discussion about an upcoming mission, one you had finally been scheduled to be part of, only to be pulled off.

“You’re not ready,” Steve said, his tone stern and commanding. You glared at him.

“Bull fucking shit Rogers. You know as well as I do I’ve been ready for the past two months. But apparently, my commanding officer can’t take his head out of his ass long enough to see that I’m not a fragile doll,” you snapped. 

“Calm--,” Bucky wasn’t able to even get the phrase out of his mouth before your attention turned to him.

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. I don’t know what you two are playing at trying to keep me sidelined,” you snapped. Steve ran a hand through his hair.

“You scared the hell out of us. We could have lost you, doll,” he said. 

“And you don’t think I have the same worries about you two?” you asked him.

“You’re not...you’re normal,” Bucky said. 

“So is Natasha. Sharon, Sam? Yet you don’t sideline them, even when they get injured. So, do you want to try that again Sergeant Barnes?” you asked. Both of them looked at you with wide eyes. They had never seen you this furious, at least not when the fury was aimed squarely at them. 

“Perhaps we’ve been unreasonable,” Steve conceded.

“No, you don’t say. Fix it, Captain Rogers,” you said before turning and leaving the room, slamming the door behind you. 

While you were back on missions with the Avengers, you were only on missions with Steve or Bucky. Before the injury it was common for you to be partnered with Natasha on missions, or with Natasha and Clint if a situation called for it. They had both had heated discussions with Steve and Bucky over it. The missions you did go on, you felt more like you were being treated like a child rather than a teammate. You were always paired with one of your boys, which under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have disagreed with. Another fight and they had eased up on that too, but it was taking it’s toll on your relationship. 

It had all led to today. While legally your marriage wouldn’t be binding, the three of you were still planning a ceremony. You had been discussing plans when Steve mentioned it. 

“And once the kids come, we’ll talk about nannies to help you when Buck and I are on missions,” Steve said. You furrowed your brow.

“What about when I’m on missions?” you asked. The two shared a look. 

“We just...we figured you might retire?” Bucky asked, suddenly unsure.

“And let you two have all the fun? I’m not ready to retire. There’s still a lot of fight left in me. Besides, we talked about this before, remember?” you said. 

“And what about when you’re pregnant?” Steve asked.

“Obviously I wouldn’t be in the field but there’s nothing stopping me from going back once the baby is born. I know you two are from a different time, but god, I figured you were more progressive than this,” you said standing up.

“It’s different. If you were anything other than this, than an Avenger,” Steve started to say. 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? You two do the same damn thing I do. You may be super soldiers but you’re not immortal! You’re just as human as I am. You don’t think I’m scared of losing either of you too? That when I think about us, about having children, that I’m not terrified about our kids losing a father? Of potentially losing me? But that’s the risk we take. Maybe my feelings will change once we have kids but it’s a decision you can’t make for me. It’s my life too,” you said, your voice cracking.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky said. 

“No. I can’t do this, I can’t,” you said. You pulled the ring off your left hand and set it on the table before walking toward the door and grabbing your car keys.

“Where are you going? Baby, please,” Steve said. You forced yourself to keep looking forward. His voice sounded like he was on the verge of tears and you knew you’d break if you looked at him. You slammed the door behind you, and couldn’t shake the feeling of finality as you headed for the elevator, avoiding everyone else. 

You loved them. You did. But sometimes, sometimes you felt like they were overbearing, too overprotective. On the surface, it seemed like the conversation around kids stemmed from the era they grew up in, but what Steve had said, about if you were anything but an Avenger, stuck with you. It would be easy to just say it was a sexist notion, but under the surface, you knew that there was more to it, you just had to put the pieces together. 

Before you’d gotten injured, things had been different. Even when you’d talked about kids then, there was no assumption that any of you would retire. Cut back on missions maybe, make sure at least one of you was there unless it could be avoided, but you had always been included. You were pulled from your thoughts as someone sat beside you.

“They’re worried about you,” Peter said. You and Peter Parker had become fast friends. You may have been older than him, but he’d become like a little brother to you. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Do you love them?” he asked. You looked at him, brow furrowed.

“Of course I do,” you said. 

“What was so bad that you walked out like that? That you took your ring off?” he asked gesturing to your left hand. 

“Peter,” you said. He glared at you.

“If you’re about to say I’m too young to understand, we’re sparring, right here, right now,” he said. You laughed. 

“We got on the topic of having kids. When we talked about it when we decided we were getting married, even if it won’t be legally binding, we agreed we’d all cut back on missions, try to make sure one of us stayed back. But then I got hurt. And they almost lost me,” you said, the pieces starting to come together. 

“You scared all of us that day. We...we thought you weren’t coming back from that,” he said. You picked at the grass beside you, taking the longer blades and tying them together, an old childhood habit. 

“I know. I survived though,” you said.

“They’re probably thinking about what happens if the next time you don’t. You know they’re idiots right? Don’t...don’t tell them I said that. But they want to keep you safe. You should’ve heard Natasha after you stormed out this time. She really let into them after they told her what happened...maybe FRIDAY will be able to show you,” Peter said. You laughed. 

“It’d be easy to walk away and say it’s because they’re unreasonable jerks...well, maybe not easy, but. I just wish they’d talk to me about it instead of making decisions for me or about me,” you said. 

“Maybe we don’t know how because even talking about our fears is a terrifying thought,” a new voice said breaking into the conversation. You and Peter both turned to see Steve and Bucky standing there. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked. Peter was one of the few that knew where you went when you needed space.

“Followed Peter,” Steve said. 

“I’m just gonna...go,” Peter said standing up. He still got nervous around Steve and Bucky and you thought it was kinda adorable. As he left, Steve and Bucky sat on either side of you. The three of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

“You know what sucks, about all of this? When you put me on babysitting duty, I felt like you didn’t trust me in the field. When you finally put me back on regular missions, you didn’t put me with my usual partners, and I felt like I was being punished because you know I love you two, but we rarely complement each other’s skills on missions. I felt like you still didn’t trust me. And now this. It feels like you wanted me to quit, be Susie Homemaker instead of the woman I am,” you said. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at either of them. 

“No, no, sweetheart. That’s not what we wanted, what we want. We want you to be safe. But with our jobs, that’s not an option. We should have talked to you,” Steve said.

“Yes, you should have,” you said.

“We’re sorry. We overstepped. We let our fear take control,” Bucky said. You fell back into silence, the air around the three of you still uneasy with the undercurrent of unresolved conflict. 

“At first, I thought you two were being sexist, which, you were by the way, assuming I’d be the one to retire and raise the kids we don’t even have yet while you two are off doing god only knows what. But, then I started thinking about why you were reacting that way, what had changed your minds. It scares me too. Thinking I won’t come back or one of you won’t come back. But that’s our reality. Even without this hero thing, there’s always a chance that something goes wrong in our day to day lives. Retirement wouldn’t change that,” you said. 

The conversation flowed, along with some tears. But for the first time in six months, it was a discussion, not an argument where neither side listened to what the other was saying. You still weren’t sure where the three of you stood but the conversation left you feeling better.

“What do you say, ready to go home?” Steve asked. He had the ring he and Bucky had given you in his hand. You shook your head and both men looked at you, confused. 

“We still have a lot we need to work out...I’m not taking the ring back until we do. I’m going to stay with Tony and Pepper for a bit,” you said. It killed you to see the expressions on their faces, but you knew if this relationship was going to work, if it was going to survive, you needed time to work on what had led to this point. A single conversation wasn’t going to fix the months of damage done. 

The seasons changed as summer faded into autumn and autumn into winter. You and your boys had been making progress. Therapy had helped. It had started small, with going on dates with them, with both of them and individually. Dates had fallen by the wayside since your return to work. You were the one setting the pace. While there were kisses here and there, you hadn’t been intimate with either of them since the last fight. During your last session, you had brought up feeling ready to be back at where you were before everything happened. You knew what was coming, you just didn’t know when.

Steve and Bucky had taken you to the city for the night to see the tree and walk around Manhattan. When you got back upstate, you had one more stop according to them. 

“Do you trust us?” Bucky asked as Steve continued driving. You weren’t sure where he was going, considering he had missed the turn for the compound. 

“Yes,” you said without hesitation. 

“Put this on,” he said, handing you a blindfold. You raised your eyebrows suggestively.

“Kinky,” you said as you slipped it on. It was just a short while later that Steve parked the car and one of them opened your door as you felt around to unclip your seat belt. Judging by the hand that took yours, it was Bucky helping you out. He looped his arm through yours as Steve came up to your other side doing the same. You were sure you looked about as graceful as a newborn calf as you walked, snow crunching under your boots. It was a short walk before they stopped. You heard them shuffling before Steve told you to take off the blindfold.

You gasped when you saw the sight in front of you. You were at your favorite spot, the same spot where just a few months prior, the conversation that began the fresh start of your relationship had happened. But that wasn’t what was important to you in the moment. Both men were on one knee, fairylights strung around the tree you liked to sit under, flower petals scattered in a heart around the three of you. 

You cried as they spoke, each taking a turn to tell you what they loved about you, why they wanted to spend forever with you. And for a second time, you accepted their proposal. The first time they had proposed had been after a mission, without the ring and without the speeches about love and wanting forever. Both had been perfect in their own way. Truth was, you didn’t care about the how, just that it happened, that you and your boys were back on track. 

“Sweetheart?” Bucky asked. You had yet to answer. You laughed lightly.

“Yes, yes I’m going to marry you two,” you said. It felt right as the ring was slid back on your finger. Steve kissed you first, then Bucky. 

“How about we head home?” you asked. 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” you said. You reminded yourself that it won’t always be like this, a calm perfect moment. Arguments were bound to happen, feelings might get inadvertently hurt, but next time it happened, you wouldn’t let it reach the breaking point. Not if you could help it.

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 1x11

Scarecrow

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode) 

(Not spoiler free I’ve seen up to 15x13)

Ok, so in this episode we see that the anger and frustration Sam was feeling in the last episode didn’t simply get swept away. First we have the phone call from John, the first time we actually see the boys interacting with their father. It’s obvious that Sam is emotional about it, but when John tells him that they need to stop looking for him, his anger overpowers everything else. His dad is, once again, expecting him to obey and ask no questions.

Then we see Dean: DEAN’S FRICKING WHOLE DEMEANOR CHANGES! He goes from “concerned son who wants to hear his dad’s voice” to “good little soldier” in 2 seconds flat and it BREAKS MY HEART.  Dean may love his dad, but they don’t talk to each other like people. They talk to each other like drill sergeant and soldier.

Later, in the car (Sam is driving, which does not happen often):

DEAN: He’s given us an order.

SAM: I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.

DEAN: Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it’s important.

SAM: Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge.

DEAN: Alright, look, I know how you feel.

SAM: Do you? How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?

DEAN: Dad said it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.

SAM: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.

DEAN: Yeah, it’s called being a good son! (SAM, angry, gets out of the car. DEAN also gets out and watches SAM unloading things from the trunk.) You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don’t care what anybody thinks.

SAM: That’s what you really think?

DEAN: Yes, it is.

SAM: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.

 *Cue that vine of the girl saying “Jokes on you, the Jonas Brothers ( Winchesters) can’t break up they’re brothers” *

 There’s a lot of things happening in this conversation. Sam is frustrated because he feels like their agency, their free will, isn’t being respected. Dean argues that what their dad is asking them to do is important, which Sam recognizes. It’s not that Sam doesn’t want to save people and hunt things, it’s that he wants to do it on his own terms, he wants to be treated as an equal. Dean continues to find reasons to trust what their dad says, it’s not safe, he knows something we don’t. He thinks questioning their dad would make him a bad son and he interprets Sam’s desire for free will as being selfish and not caring what anybody thinks.

I honestly feel like we learn more about Dean in this scene than we do about Sam. It also provides an interesting backdrop with which to analyze future relationships Dean makes, epescially when he meets Castiel, another “good little soldier” who needs to overcome his “blind faith” and learn to question orders.

 Then we meet MEG! Ok, no offense to the actress who plays Meg later but no one will every replace this pixie cut cutie. It broke my heart when I was first watching and I found out she was a demon, I LOVE her.

 SAM: Uh, so where you headed?

MEG: No offense, but no way I’m telling you.

SAM: Why not?

MEG: You could be some kind of freak

(Meg, you totally already know about Sam and his powers and connection to demons, you are doing that on purpose and it’s not nice)

 Ok, then we have the scene where Dean tries to talk to the people, get them out of town early and save them from the scarecrow god thing. There’s that moment when Dean offers to fix their car for them and the girl says “I think we’d rather have a mechanic do it” and that hit different remembering that if Dean wasn’t a hunter, mechanic is one of the job possibilities on his list. He looked kinda hurt by that. Then he says:

Dean: You know, my brother could give you this puppy dog look, and you’d just buy right into it.

Which, first of all, weird thing to say Dean, not helping your case at all. But also, I like how they’re pointing out here how Sam and Dean have different strengths. Sam is much better with people, and we’ve seen it subtly over the past few episodes, Dean usually makes people feel kind of uncomfortable and confused, then Sam will step in with his sincere voice and puppy dog eyes and the people usually feel a lot more open to talking. (And then they make fun of this in 15x10, as if this was another one of the perks Chuck gave them. This, along with picking locks, I refuse to credit 100% to Chuck, maybe he helped but Sam is good at making people feel safe. )

 Then you’ve got this phone call:

DEAN: Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life.

SAM: Are you serious?

DEAN: You’ve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I—anyway….I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy.

Dean can’t even say that he wishes he could stand up to their dad the way Sam does. He can’t even finish that sentence. We also learn that Sam has always been outspoken against their dad, it’s not a recent development. I have a feeling, and I might be wrong, but I have a feeling that John tolerated more outspokenness from Sam than he did from Dean. Dean’s reaction to John giving him orders is … the reaction of someone who is used to being punished for disobeying. Sam, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have many qualms about talking back to their dad and questioning him to his face.

 Please, give Dean some therapy. He really friggin needs it. 

Later this conversation:

MEG: But I don’t understand. You’re running back to your brother? The guy you ran away from? Why, because he won’t pick up his phone? Sam—come with me to California.

SAM: I can’t. I’m sorry.

MEG: Why not?

SAM: He’s my family.

And the band is back together! (It is a running theme in this show that the only way their problems ever get resolved/addressed is when somebody is suddenly in trouble. Then all hard feelings are forgotten because they have to save each other. Definitely not healthy but it makes for great drama)

 Meg says “Yes father”??? What am I forgetting about Meg? Isn’t she calling Azazel? Is Azazel her father?

[ashleyfanfic]

I just needed to say I saw this idk if it’s a dvd extra or what on YouTube about the finale and it literally doesn’t make any sense. Like D&D and people are talking about how great the ending with Bran ruling the 6 kingdoms is because he can’t have children? Funny how that was an issue when it was Dany though!!? And the damn council being so different from what Westeros has had before because the people’s voices will be heard! Like what no? They shut down the idea of small folk mattering?!?

2/3  Also how in any way is it a Stark victory?!? They’re not together? The pack won’t survive because now they’re all lone wolves!!?!? And they didn’t help anyone they argued for Northern Independence despite a Stark sitting on the Throne!!? Why would the other kingdoms accept that?!! Also the North can sustain itself independently?’!? And why the duck is Arya yeeting off to “explore” when the last few seasons were all about her claiming her family “A girl is Arya Stark and she’s going home”?!? (CON 3/3  And Sansa betrayed Jon just to isolate Dany!!? She broke his trust and helped push Dany into “madness”? And if Bran is truly all knowing he saw what would happen and did nothing to stop it? They’re responsible too for what happened on King Landing and it’s just fine? No consequences? And Jon is exiled for doing what they tricked him into doing? Queen slayer/kinslayer/betrayer he will always be and have to live with. Alone on the cold. How is that a win for anyone? The wheel isn’t broken!?

There is a lot in these three asks to break down so let me start by saying that I think, for people like Sophie and maybe even Isaac, but I think less from him because he thought it was a joke, that it was a satisfying win for the Starks. I don’t know that Maisie would say it was a win for the Starks, maybe she would. But the thing is, I think a lot of them have to say they’re happy with the ending, otherwise it feels like years of their lives have been wasted. Think about your job and if you studied for ten years to learn how to do it only for them to come in and tell you that instead of chemical engineering, you’re going to be doing brain surgery every day. Like, that doesn’t make any sense and makes you feel like your life for the last ten years meant nothing if they could do that. So, this may be giving Kit a pass, but what is he supposed to say? “Oh, I hated the ending! It made no sense. Can you believe how they fucked up Daenerys?” Like, this is the show that got him an Emmy nomination and a GG nom. He’s not going to hate on it and to expect him to is ridiculous. 

But as for the characters and what happened...none of it made sense. So, let’s look at people other than Jon and Dany. You have Arya who fought for years to find her place in the world, finally decided that home is where she needed to go and found her place with her sister, then abandoned that to explore more. What? At the least, Arya would have argued harder for Jon to have been allowed to stay in Westeros. Second is Bran. So, I suppose they can now say it was foreshadowing that he said he would never be lord of anything. He was right. If you look at all the stuff he said and did and allowed it happen, it was all leading him to be king. Which means he allowed his sisters to fight with one another and Sansa to almost have Arya killed. He allowed an emotionally compromised Sam to tell Jon about his parentage. He knew that Euron was waiting at Dragonstone. He knew that Missandei would die. He knew that Theon was going to die. He knew that Sansa would betray Jon. He knew that Dany would lose it and destroy King’s Landing. He knew that Tyrion would betray Dany. He knew everything that was going to happen and allowed it to do so all so he could be king. To me, that makes Bran the actual villain of the the series as he allowed all those things to happen and warned no one. I would say that he even manipulated Sansa into some of it because he used the worst night of her life to persuade her that he had the gift of sight. 

Then there’s Sansa. She was going to have her sister killed. She was cold to a woman who brought her armies to the North to save her pathetic ass when she didn’t have to. She tried to emotionally blackmail her brother by saying that his loyalty was misplaced because he loved Jon. She indicated that said brother was weak because of it. She tried to press that the North should be independent for some fucking reason I’ve not fully grasped other than she just wanted it. While everyone else was up above fighting to save her life, she is in crypt still shit talking the queen that put everything on the line to save their lives. She’s incredibly threatened by the power Dany has and does everything she can to subvert her in front of her people and then behind her back. She betrayed her brother after knowing a secret for five minutes, not because it was what was best for the realm, but because she could use it to her advantage. And she never argued that Jon shouldn’t be sent to the Wall. Instead, she still argued for the North to be independent, and made her brother King so she could get what she wanted. Sansa who missed her family was perfectly fine with being alone in Winterfell with her crown. 

Then there’s Jon and Daenerys. I mean, Dany was being gaslighted by Bran and Sansa nearly the entire time she was in the North, if not before that by Bran. Dany had too much power but Jon was her true weakness, or at leas that’s what they wanted us to believe. Dany who lost a child and a husband, who fought for slaves and witnessed atrocities, who was sold to a warlord by her only relation (that she knew of), who suffered rape and pain at the hands of her husband, betrayal by nearly every person she knew. But sure, her weakness is Jon. So, we’re supposed to believe that of all the losses she suffered, the one that turns her hard and cold is the rejection of Jon Snow. And what happened to her? She’s betrayed again by someone she loves, but this time, it cost her her life.

And then there’s Jon Snow. I feel like what they did to Jon is equally as horrible, but everyone seems to bypass it. You have Jon Snow who befriended the Wildlings and learned to open his world view up to beyond what he’s always known. He’s murdered by his brothers for doing what he thought was right. He never wavered in that he thought it was right and that he should have done it. He had a difficult time that other people didn’t see it that way. He rode to take his home back for his sister. He managed to convince people that probably wouldn’t give him the time of day to fight for him. He became King in the North because he was a Stark, yes, but because he fought for his people. That was something he put pride in. So when he meets Dany, she’s someone who seems to have the same moral compass he has and puts the lives of the small folk above her own ambition. It’s one of the things that he respects about her. Remember, he thinks she has a good heart. Even Davos thinks highly of her. They fall in love and it’s really one of the first things Jon does that is for him. But that’s the point, isn’t it? Jon is the self-sacrificing hero. He’s not supposed to be allowed to have things like love of a good woman without having to suffer for it. So, they reveal his parentage for NO OTHER REASON than to keep Daenerys from the throne. That’s it. It’s never brought up after she dies. He’s still called Jon Snow. He’s not considered to be the King. He’s treated as the bastard he was always supposed to be. Only now, he’s worse than that. He betrayed the woman he loved by killing her. He not only became an Oathbreaker, he became a Queenslayer, and a Kinslayer. They made the honorable Jon Snow an Oathbreaker. Wrap your head around that, fam. And what’s his happy ending, as Kit sees it? Going to live North with the Wildlings. Because, yeah, that’s better than getting to be with the woman he loves for the rest of his life with babies. 

The truth is D&D ruined every character and blew holes and sank every ship on their way out. Everyone got done dirty, and yet we fixate on the ones we love he most. I mean, was Gendry only brought back so he could be the rail for Arya to ride? Yes, that still bothers me. I was a Gendrya fan before I was a Jonerys fan. Just...UGH!