#he does not die i refuse

[pyuisi]

headcanon:

roach is a huge one direction fan. he loves how simple the lyrics are and how pure love sounds in their songs.

everyone in tf 141 finds it endearing that whenever they have to go in any vehicle with a radio, roach fights for the shotgun seat to play one of their songs. he mouths out the lyrics and bops his head like he’s in a concert.

before he lost his voice, he’d sing the songs 24/7. that was before he joined 141 though, so no one knew until price found him sitting on the kitchen counter one night at 4 am and singing to “little things” playing on his phone at minimum volume.

roach’s voice was a whisper, which was all he could force out of his throat. price didn’t make a big deal out of it, but roach did and freaked out when price showed up. but price didn’t say anything, just leaned against the counter beside roach and handed him a cup of hot chocolate because price thought roach’s throat would hurt from forcing his voice out like that.

roach told him that night that he almost gave up listening to the band because it reminded him of his lost voice and he didn’t want to panic in front of the team. price just hugged his shoulder and listened with a sad expression while roach sobbed silently against him.

couple days later in another mission, soap beat roach to the shotgun seat and just when roach was about to sulk, soap played “18” and sang obnoxiously on top of his lungs, making up lyrics in parts he didn’t know.

roach had startled into a laugh. soap lit up at that laugh. “this one’s for you, gare,” soap said afterwards. roach blushed so hard after that.

laswell gave him a signed autograph for his birthday. when he signed at her with barely contained tears to ask how she got it, she lied through her teeth that her daughter accidentally got two of them during a fan sign event. she has no daughter and they all know it. roach had no idea how she could’ve found a way to get an autograph in their line of work but he didn’t ask.

gaz asked roach about the band and was successfully converted into a fan. the two of them would take one earbud each and listen to the songs together when off-duty. gaz told roach that his voice sounded nice, when roach dared to whisper-sing one time.

ghost didn’t do anything in particular and tolerated soap’s singing. but he was always staring when roach listened to the music, face uncharacteristically soft. roach would tease him for it.

[i’ve never heard you sing before], roach would sign.

ghost would shake his head. “i’m a really bad singer.”

roach would bother him for a bit before giving up, and settle with just curling over ghost’s shoulder and listen to soap sing while humming along.

after roach died, gaz stopped listening to the songs much like how roach was after losing his voice: the memories were too painful to remember. price would get up randomly at 4 am and play “little things” while drinking hot chocolate and leaning against the counter. he always made two cups. soap stopped suggesting they have karaoke nights, but he’d still listen to the music from time to time, preferring to keep his memory of roach alive. he found himself looping through “something great” and “if i could fly” all too often. ghost would remember that he’d refused to sing for gary and tear himself apart with regret, but even after learning the lyrics to roach’s favourite songs, he couldn’t get his throat to work, even when he was alone.

in an alternate reality (the only one i’ll accept), ghost gives in and sings for roach. hes not a bad singer at all, and because it makes roach happy to sing he does it more and more often. soap is absolutely delighted to have a singing partner and at one point ghost will become comfortable enough that he’ll randomly start shouting lyrics mid-mission into the comms when things are peaceful. ghost and soap play finish the lyrics during the alone mission in mw2, and roach scares the shit out of them when his voice appears out of nowhere and starts whispering along too. when the three of them rendezvous at the church and ghost snatches the car, soap slides into the shotgun seat, fiddles with the radio to get it to play music while they’re being shot at, and him and ghost scream the lyrics to “no control” as ghost drives like a madman. roach almost dies wheezing at the backseat.

price finds the three of them at 4 am one night ballroom dancing to “little things” playing through roach’s phone. they don’t have anything formal, but they’re dressed in their nicest casual clothes (simon in a plain black hoodie, soap in a crumpled up polo shirt, roach in a warm jumper). they’re not singing, but there are plenty of sounds: johnny’s aborted curses when he almost steps on roach’s bare feet, gary’s giggles when simon twirls him in a circle, simon sighing contently into soap’s shoulder.

price looks down at the two cups of hot chocolate he’s holding, frowns, and returns after five minutes with a tray of four cups in total. he makes his presence known and smiles fondly when his three grown special forces children who are among the most dangerous soldiers in the world immediately abandon their activities to grab his hot chocolate and argue over whose mug has more of it.

god, he loves his sons.

[sunderwight]

Bingqiu roleswap where disciple Shen Yuan knows he's gay, and figures out that he has a big huge crush on his handsome Shizun, but also concludes nearly at once that he's not going to be drawing Luo Binghe's eye any time soon. Firstly, Luo Binghe is notoriously straight. Secondly, even if he weren't, he wouldn't go for his scrawny untalented nerd of a disciple! Shen Yuan's not bad looking, not before or after transmigrating, but he's neither a beautiful nor a hot manly man, and he assumes if Luo Binghe were into dudes he'd be into the same kinds of twunks that Shen Yuan likes. Guys on his own level, etc etc.

Plus Luo Binghe hated the original disciple Shen, and only started to warm up to the transmigrated version after Shen Yuan got injured in front of him trying to stop the other disciples on the peak from killing a small animal. For some reason, Luo Binghe brought Shen Yuan medicine. He got even nicer after Shen Yuan distracted the skinner demon by trying to convince it to take his skin instead of Luo Binghe's, and then again when Shen Yuan successfully fought off a demon invader -- though initially when Luo Binghe volunteered him for that job, he thought it was an assassination attempt. His heart was in his throat when Luo Binghe nearly took a poisoned blow for him, but luckily he reacted more quickly and got hit by the thorns instead. His heavenly demon blood took care of the poison, and he managed to convince everyone that he narrowly avoided getting cut at all.

Shen Yuan's careful not to read anything into it when Luo Binghe finds out about his, erm, uncomfortable dormitory situation and moves him into the side room, or when he completely messes up trying to make dinner and Luo Binghe takes over cooking and bans him from the kitchen (he swears he's not actually that bad at cooking, he just never had to use a kitchen without a microwave or an electric hot plate before...)

After all, it's not like Luo Binghe is cooking for him, he's just making food he likes and letting Shen Yuan eat it too! Because he's nice! He's way nicer than the book gave him credit for being, see, clearly Shen Yuan was correct in signing up for his defense squad, "top ten worst villains of all time" his ass that poll was nonsense...

Unfortunately, though, the plot's still gotta plot. Shen Yuan is heartbroken when the Immortal Alliance Conference rolls around and his shizun stabs him and throws him down into the Endless Abyss. Heartbroken, but not surprised. After all, it was always going to go this way, wasn't it?

But at least, now that it's done, he has some agency in how he reacts to it. He's changed the story enough that he doesn't need to go get revenge. Maybe Luo Binghe's still the villain of his story, maybe that was inevitable, but some heroes let the villains get away. Don't they? It's all part of that noble, breaking the cycle of abuse type stuff. He can be that kind of hero. He can let it go. As long as he avoids Luo Binghe altogether, it should be fine, right? It's not like he's obligated to turn people into human sticks. He asked the system, he's definitely not!

Technically he's not even required to conquer the demon realms. He just has to get out of the Abyss and the be sufficiently cool and/or tragic. Conquest is just one means of doing that, and not even Shen Yuan's preferred, since he doesn't exactly want to rule over anybody. Going around the demon realms beating up some jackasses and rescuing some damsels in distress and becoming sworn brothers with Shang Qinghua, one of the current demon kings, is suitable. He definitely doesn't want to marry any of the damsels he encounters (thank fuck the system lets him off the hook for that!)

But eventually he has to go back to the human world. Not only is it mandated by the system, but he also misses living there. The demonic realms are in many ways better than expected, plus a lot of the monsters are really cool, but he misses the weather and plants and the people he's more accustomed to being around.

He misses Qing Jing Peak, if he's being honest with himself. Shizun's cooking and the bamboo forest and the crisp mountain breezes, the comforts of home.

Not that he can actually go back there in specific. Of course not. If he did that, Luo Binghe would try to kill him, or else the system would try and make him kill Luo Binghe. Bad ideas all around. No, he can't go back to Qing Jing Peak, but he can go find someplace nicer than the demon realms at least. He just has to keep a low profile, which shouldn't be hard since the original goods did that even while actively scheming to kill his former master!

Except.

Everywhere he goes, suddenly Luo Binghe is also there?!

Good thing Shen Yuan thought to take a page out of the book of Luo Binghe's actual love interest, Liu Mingyan, and start wearing a veil. He just didn't want any randos who might have seen him at the Immortal Alliance Conference or on any of the other missions his shizun sent him on to recognize him. But one minute he's investigating a strange case in Jinlan City, and the next the streets are full of Huan Hua cultivators (Shen Yuan has no intention of joining them, that's the path the original took to getting revenge! He doesn't want revenge!), and then Luo Binghe and Sect Leader MBJ and Peak Lord SHL show up, and SY is ducking down alleys and hiding behind columns, just trying to stay out of the way until the lockdown on Jinlan lifts and he can leave.

Except...

Luo Binghe really isn't acting like himself?

He looks like he hasn't been eating or sleeping well. There are dark circles around his eyes, and something almost melancholy in his countenance. And he's dressed entirely in white, none of the usual Qing Jing greens and blues anywhere to be seen. Of even greater concern, he's being reckless. Shen Yuan can't stop himself from rushing out when he sees his former shizun get infected by a sower demon.

Luckily, it's been some years since the last time they saw one another. Shen Yuan's gained a few inches in height, so he's almost at eye-level with his old master now, and though he's still more slender than bulky he's picked up some totally new styles from training the demon realms. He doesn't move the same way he used to. With that, plus the veil, it's enough for him to quickly swallow back his words as he grabs Luo Binghe and quickly administers a cure for the sower infection.

Well, he has one of course. He wouldn't need it himself, heavenly demon blood and all, but his time running around playing hero in the demon realms meant he rescued a lot of humans from such fates. Which is hard to do if you don't have a cure to their afflictions, but between him and Shang Qinghua, sourcing such things was almost easy.

Luo Binghe looks at him like he's just seen a ghost. The other Cang Qiong sect members are alarmed by SY suddenly accosting one of their own and of course find him suspicious, so he runs away right after, and then he has to lose Sha Hualing's pursuit in the city.

But what else could he do? He manages to evade the system's attempts to railroad him into meeting Gongyi Xiao, avoids the rest of the Cang Qiong crowd, and drops some of the cure through the current Qian Cao peak lord's window to get the incident sorted out. Then he flees and puts a good amount of distance between himself, Jinlan City, and every righteous sect he can think of.

The only problem is that after this point, Luo Binghe is everywhere.

Any time Shen Yuan stays in one place for longer than a few days, Qing Jing disciples start turning up. Any time he takes a job hunting some cool-sounding monster or pursuing some interesting tome of knowledge, the better to satisfy the system, it seems like Luo Binghe has selected and gone after the exact same target! Which is especially annoying because back when SY was a disciple, Luo Binghe was always assigning him to do this stuff. Since when does his chronic homebody master have an interesting in six-tailed scorpion lemurs or ancient spiritual kilns?

What's weirder, though, are the rumors.

It seems like any time SY stops at some well-populated place and asks for the latest gossip, he has to hear about how the Qing Jing peak lord lost his beloved disciple during the Immortal Alliance Conference, and mourned like a widow, and now wanders the earth in search of solace for his grief. Seeking something, possibly even the ghost of his dear disciple.

What nonsense! Luo Binghe threw SY into the Abyss himself. He had to do it, it was the plot! And also his obligation as a righteous cultivator, confronted with a "dangerous" half-demon. Does it sting? Yes it stings! That's why SY wouldn't just forget it! Despite logically knowing it's pointless, is there some part of him that wishes his master would have chosen differently? That thinks he should have known that no matter what kind of power Shen Yuan had, he would never use it to hurt people recklessly, or harm innocents, or especially not harm... well. It's pointless, his blood condemned him, and if there is some part of Luo Binghe which regrets what happened, it's doubtless just that he unwittingly harbored a monster for so long.

Which is fine and Shen Yuan would leave it at that, if the guy would just let him!

But no. Instead he has to deal with Luo Binghe turning up and asking him questions, trying to get him to talk (SY has no hope of disguising his voice, if he says anything he's not even sure it won't crack as he comes perilously close to tears instead, so he just stays silent), and then asking for his name, asking if he's mute, asking about his background, his sect, his kin. Is his a righteous cultivator? Where did he get that sword? (NOT Xin Mo, thanks, he used that thing once and then tossed it back into the Abyss before the portal finished closing behind him -- he knows a poisoned chalice when he sees one, although knowing the plot twist about that sword from the novel sure helped.) Where did he learn those forms? Is he... does he have a safe place to go home to? Someone to tend his injuries? Make sure he eats his meals?

SY, of course, stays silent. But it's difficult. Not only because Luo Binghe asks, but because he still looks... bad. Sunken, sorrowful, desperate almost. Shen Yuan can't figure out if he knows or not. Maybe he's unsure, maybe he's looking for SY to give him a sign, so that he can figure him out and then flip a switch and try to finish the job he started.

That can't happen. If they fight, SY will win, and he doesn't want to hurt Luo Binghe.

But even if Luo Binghe's not a heavenly demon, he is a highly accomplished cultivator, and it seems he's got his own breaking points to reach. Eventually he corners SY and gets a hand on his veil, and for a moment SY is sure he's going to rip it off, see his face, and confront him all "I knew it was you, you twisted evil demon, you won't escape justice a second time" and he feels a deep, icy terror close around his lungs--

Luo Binghe lets go of the veil before he can lift it.

But then something even worse happens. Because Shen Yuan's handsome, peerless, noble master breaks down. He falls to his knees, begging forgiveness, sobbing, clutching at his head like he's being driven to madness.

It all spills out of him, then. How he pushed his own dearest disciple into the Abyss, which obviously SY already knew, but also how he was apparently qi-deviating the whole time, and his senses could not differentiate between one kind of demonic "threat" and another. How he realized what he'd done only after he regained his senses hours later, and rushed back to the place where the tear to the Abyss had opened, but could not find a way in after the one he lost. How he had betrayed and thrown away the only person who cared about him, and couldn't even explain that he hadn't intended to. How he would accept anything, any punishment, hatred, penance, or revenge, if only he could see his disciple's face once more.

SY is stunned.

Apparently, Luo Binghe hadn't rejected him for his demon blood?

Not only that, but beforehand, he seemed to have valued Shen Yuan a lot more than Shen Yuan would have credited.

Is it a trick? Is he lying? SY would have guessed so, would have assumed that Luo Binghe's plan was to lull him into complacency only to turn on him once he finally had confirmation. But somehow, he just... doesn't think this is an insincere display. His old master is too cool for this stuff! He has too much dignity to just throw it away on a scheme! There are other ways to get what he wants.

Even if it is a lie, Shen Yuan is tired of running. He's the hero. He won't actually lose, and if it comes to it, it's still in his hands to decide if he wants to spare Luo Binghe or not (he does, of course he does, even if this whole spiel is an act). Plus he's got a backup plant body in one of Shang Qinghua's greenhouses if all goes to shit.

He takes the veil off himself.

Luo Binghe, teary-eyed, stares at him as if his face is the most beautiful he's ever seen.

Shen Yuan nearly puts the veil back on. His cheeks heat up. Dear Shizun, aren't you an immortal master? A noble peak lord? Isn't it your calling to vanquish demons? Get up off the dirty ground right this minute! Where did your dignity go? Shen Yuan did not spend all those nights doing the laundry to watch his teacher dirty his knees for no good reason!

There's a quaver in Luo Binghe's voice as he points out that Shen Yuan was terrible at doing laundry. Luo Binghe had to redo it the day after, all the time.

Shen Yuan chides at him that he should have made one of the other disciples do it then.

Luo Binghe just laughs, and stays on the ground, until finally Shen Yuan has to physically pull him up. Muttering about how he's being ridiculous, what's he crying for, why's he been moping so much, doesn't he know that handsome face should never look so bereft? Then he realizes what he's saying and shuts his mouth, but Luo Binghe just looks happy for the first time in years. Since the Abyss. How is it possible that SY, who actually had to slog through that awful place, can still smile more than Luo Binghe, who didn't?

They're standing so close. Holding on to one another. Almost as if... as if the scene's tone is... well...

Oh what the hell!

Shen Yuan closes the last little bit of distance between them, and kisses Luo Binghe.

[itadooori]

hobo era gi-hun my beloved

[dykedvonte]

Jimmy killing himself because he knows he is incapable of living an life without Curly and knows that in the miracle chance they were found and saved they would not let him have contact with Curly and he hates the idea he'd actually have to take responsibility.

Even if he lied, its only a matter of time before Curly is capable of showing or telling what a monster he really is, no matter what delusions tell Jimmy Curly would never do that to him.

He understands that he was the monster in everyone's worse moments but refused to accept that at the end. So he made sure that he died without the possibility of it being actualized as he's the only one that saw death as an escape rather than a release. Jimmy truly didn't believe Curly had anything to escape from even after everything and let him have what he perceived as glory as the sole survivor and thus Captain of the Tulpar.

[cobaltfluff]

happy crossover christmas to me !!! left: crossover / right: AU :3c

[nomstellations]

the vore community has been, and will continue to be a place that is unsafe for both minors and victims of any form of abuse or grooming suffered within it. people have proven time and time again that they will refuse to acknowledge or in fact, violently defend abusers for any reason they can cook up because they do not want to face the consequences of doing so- all people want to do is consume vore content thoughtlessly and if ignoring their favorite artist's grooming allegations means they can do it, then so be it. ignorance is bliss- that's why so many blogs around here are still firmly in the "i don't care who interacts with me!!" boat if it means they don't have to think about it. believe it or not, you have to think about your actions in a kink space even if you don't see it as one.

you can't just excuse away the harm you're enabling with "i didn't know," or "i don't want to talk about that, i just wanna vibe and look at pictures of people eating each other!" that is still enabling, that is still causing harm, and that's just proving to hurt people that there's no one they can trust and when it comes down to it, no one will stick up for them when they open up about the things they've suffered. it's always the victims who are wrong for standing up for themselves or calling attention to people that have been or are still doing harm (especially if they aren't cordial and nonthreatening in the way they talk about it, even though they have every right to be upset), because there's no way your favorite artist could do something bad! their art is too good! their writing is too well-done to be made by someone bad! so it must be them who's wrong, because the abuser said so and the victim was mean! why don't we all attack the victim for daring to open up and nitpick how they did it, because surely that is what prevents people from being hurt! ignore how nobody's actually done any of these things, btw (and if they did, they get ignored immediately).

at worst, these people are callous and cruel and are abusers themselves. at best, these people are enabling harm to be perpetuated because they don't want to acknowledge it. or they're too scared to be dogpiled too, or whatever other reason there is. this culture this community fosters needs to die out or people will continue to be used and abused.

this blog will never come off hiatus. not while this place and people i used to admire and trust continue to prove themselves to be the kinds of people that will justify the sexual abuse i endured for years in this community.

[symbologic]

Do you ever wonder if deep down, in Luffy's heart, he doesn't let himself worry about Zoro because he genuinely can't? Because the alternative is simply too horrifying to contemplate for even a second?

Think about how awful it was for Luffy when he lost someone very dear to him at Marineford. This person had even promised — promised! — Luffy that he would never die. That he would never leave him alone. Yet this person who was supposed to be Luffy's constant was ripped away from him, and Luffy was powerless to stop it.

"Devastated" doesn't even come close to describing the abject despair Luffy felt at that moment. He completely shut down and went catatonic.

[armandposting]

marius does seem to have a lot of complicated feelings about what he did to armand and I really hope one of them is guilt for his thinking in buying armand originally. he talks in blood and gold about how when he heard armand's mind, the entire reason he wanted him was because he thought, here is a child who has been so hurt that it will be no loss to the world if I make him a vampire. and he wavers on this later and I hope it's because he saw this child make friends and learn things and love rings and watches and swordfighting and realize that actually there is never a child so damaged that taking them from humanity is no loss. I wonder if part of the reason he never tried to talk to armand after seeing him with the children of darkness is that he saw that boy changed into a lonely stoic cult leader with no more will or verve and was too consumed with guilt to even try. I hope that guilt started when he took armand to kiev rus and saw how much armand still loved the family he hadn't seen in years and for a while barely remembered from trauma. also I hope marius explodes into one thousand pieces but that's mostly irrelevant

[ghost-bard]

Might see if i cant do a little reload to the neve/bellara choice in act 3 (??? Or is it late act 2 i fr do not know) just so i can record davrin stopping deirdre from going after bellara bc that scene and the 3 of them in general live rent free in my head and i was paused right after for so long that the recording i thought i saved was just. My paused screen of elgarnan lmao

[shushmal]

what do we do if steve dies

i'm putting my hands on your shoulders, i am giving you the biggest pep talk as i say this: we shall rejoice!! with much woe and joy, as Steve will finally be freed from the narrative, just a joe keery will finally be freed from his netflix chains!!

Steve can happily join Eddie in fanfic afterlife, where he can never be tied down by an unsatisfying story conclusion!!!

Seriously though, I'LL PROBABLY CRY regardless of my feelings

but in reality, i'd be more upset if he's forced into a weird little 'happy ending' with a like "ten years later and he married to this character we've never met/Nancy" or my BIGGEST FEAR that they retcon robin to bisexual and actually she and steve are end game (this is a real fear, i lie awake a night terrified of it)

Genuinely, I am already aware that I'll not be happy with whatever "happy ending" Duffers/Netflix has planned, as they've long lost my trust over the seasons. The show is very fun and I have and will enjoy watching it, but I'm move invested in how I and other fan writers may rip it a part and make something BETTER. I've long taken canon out back and put it down quietly.

[mledoesart]

Excellent character. I DO want to kick him down a flight of stairs.

[hezuart]

Sorry to disturb you but

I still find hilarious that your LN au got an person so butthurt that they're still ranting about it even till this day

The audacity of you to not include THEIR favorite characters on YOUR OWN AU, completely unforgivable.

Jokes aside, take care and keep up your awesome works!

YEAH,,,,,,, yeah,,,,,,,, I'm - it's a big wow for sur,e ...

Something that bugs me is that, they were complaining that the fandom, outside of drawing Mono and Six, only ever draws Mono and Seven and like.... WHERE!!!SHOW ME!!! that's the entire point I made the comic! There was no art of Seven and Mono!!! They're characters who never meet, so no one ever really drew them together back then, at least, not so thoroughly to explore a dynamic with them. Granted Five / Raincoat girl isn't given the same treatment, but that's because she's from the inferior mobile game! And you couldn't get a read on her personality because there was a lack of cutscenes for her!

They're complaining about a fandom making content that isn't catered towards them, and that's just ridiculous!

Anyway, thank you!!! Almost done lining the backgrounds for the next part of the AU.

[moeblob]

A succubus and a demon! (The succubi don't have names but the demon is Kronos and the succubus is one of his bosses in Hell and he's not /fond/ of the succubi for many reasons but they all adore picking on him)

Also because I love them and like to point it out, the succubi act more as pleasure dealers in the sense of they offer up whatever a human wants most in exchange for their soul. It's rarely of a sexual nature since it's what they want MOST in life. And most people's ambitions are outside of a bedroom. (happy pride, asexuals are able to get affected by a succubus now without discrimination)

[kandicon]

*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*

[citrine-elephant]

capcom, please put leon in a dire situation. like him getting shot in re2. make him bleed heavily, please. whimpering lots. real tense and shit.

[mmyashas]

two month anniversary. haha. (I MISS YOU BOBBYYYYY)

translation below read more ☆

richarlyson: but we can go for them 0_0 in an adventure

roier: i think it's a great idea richarlyson BUT... richarlyson, what if you die? what if you die richarlyson, remember i have lag! sometimes

roier: well, i don't think you can die anymore because i don't have as much lag as before you know?

roier: actually if i didn't have lag like now maybe bobby would still be alive! but he died because i had lag

roier: but now i don't have lag, i don't have a son anymore. (looking up at the gods [admins]) thanks.. thanks.

roier: but it's fine! i'm already over it!