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tg-headcanons · 3 years ago

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Touka Was Done So Dirty So I Must Analyze It

I have a lot to say about how poorly Tokyo Ghoul turned out. There was so much wasted potential, so much meaningless angst, so many straight relationships crammed where they didn’t need to be, and so many sudden, anticlimactic plot points. But of all of the mishandling and poor choices, I think that Touka’s treatment is the worst.

Touka was a complex and interesting character. She was raised by loving parents, one of whom died early, the other lived a little longer while doing everything he could to impart lessons to keep her and her brother alive. When he died she was suddenly forced to become her brother’s guardian and rush out into a world that is so much less forgiving than her father was. They got taken in by her uncle and his friends, housed and fed, and she even got the opportunity to pursue an education which is a monumental luxury to ghouls. Despite resenting humans for the way her family was massacred and she is forced to live, she became close to a human, looking past her trauma for a friendship she cherishes. Her brother reacted badly to the idea of her being around such a dangerous person who could have them killed like their parents were, and ran off to join Aogiri, leaving her and her uncle as the last remnants of their family.

Touka is angry, and id say rightfully so. Her parents murder, being forced to grow up far too fast, being forced to live in this war she was drafted into at birth, any one thing would be enough to fuck someone up. She has all that going on, so understandable, she’s going to be pissed at the world. If it ended there it would be perfect, a great starting point for a character to delve deep into the concepts of society shaping identity, but then the worst happened

Touka is an archetype I like to call ”Angry Teen Girl”

Before we talk about the archetype, let’s talk about teen girls in real life, specifically how they’re treated by society. The teen girl in the public eye is simultaneously the epitome of beauty who is seductive and manipulative and lustful, as well as airheaded and shallow and naive and pure. The way that changes has to do with the convenience of the adult male onlooker. She’s A tactical mastermind when she doesn’t want to fuck you and she’s an airhead when she has opinions. She’s a prude when she doesn’t respond to advances and a whore when she wears a t-shirt. Most importantly, she’s a silly stupid baby when she demands independence and respect, and a grown woman who should know better when she acts her age

Teen girls don’t have the same understanding that boys their age do. When a teen boy messes up its “oh he’s 15 he’s still learning.” When a teen girl messes up its “shes 15 shes practically an adult she should know better by now.” Because adult men have decided the teen girl is desirable, she’s forced to grow up faster to save them the shame of acknowledging that she is a literal child. And after being treated like stupid children and sexy mature adults, teen girls are rightfully angry. This is so universal, so all encompassing, that almost every teen girl has this undercurrent of anger and grief at how they’d been socialized. Because of that, it too is brushed off as “stupid teen girls and their silly little feelings.”

This is where the Angry Teen Girl trope comes in. There is so much history behind women’s treatment, so many valid reasons for a teenage girl to be pissed, but this character is almost always played off as a joke. Either a joke or something to fix.

Back to Touka, let’s run through this again, this time through her eyes. Her family was perfect until it was taken violently away, she had to become violent against her dead fathers wishes to protect her little brother, that little brother who she was forced to sacrifice her bloodless life for left her for having a single friend, she lived her whole life knowing that no matter who she is or what she does the world hates her and she’s going to be murdered by the state. She has to deal with all of this, and then she meets Kaneki, who tells her to her face that he’s better than her because he was human, not realizing that not eating people is a privilege from birth that she never had. Touka is angry, and Touka is a child. A traumatized child who isn’t in the right for her violent reaction, but isn’t an adult with a peaceful world who knows better

Now if people just hated her for that then fine, but there is a huge overlap of the people who hate Touka for her aggressive personality, and people who love ayato. For every “she’s a bitch who’s so mean and super violent and shouldn’t be killing investigators when she doesn’t need to and deserves getting hurt” there’s a “he’s a sweet boy who’s trying his best and he killed all those people because he’s traumatized.” More and more, it’s clear that the same sympathy given to ayato, the much more violent and aggressive sibling, is not given to his sister. Right off the bat, she’s easy for many to dismiss because the misogynistic tropes that made her are fully reinforced

She is established as a complex person who simultaneously resents humanity for how ghouls are treated and doesn’t want them dead. She’s aggressive to her loved ones as a way to protect them and kills investigators so they don’t have the chance to threaten them. She’s angry because of how she spent her whole life just barely avoiding death at the hands of a genocidal government, she’s angry that she has to live this way, she’s even angry that she had to become violent at all and couldn’t live the peaceful life she could have had

But because she is an Angry Teen Girl, nothing matters except “But She’s such a bitch”

Now Touka at this point is still a great character, but things go south fast. The focus shifts from the world and complex relationships to Kaneki. Out of nowhere, Touka is pining after him. Out of nowhere, she has feelings for him. It was more convenient to just Insert Romance instead of developing them. Even if it stopped here Touka would still be a great character, but it didn’t.

After she fled anteiku, her character died. Not only was she completely cast aside during Ken’s Plot Convenience And Honestly Lazy Amnesia arc, but everything behind her character was stripped to its bare bones

You see, the Angry Teen Girl is only a teen for so long, and she can become one of two things: Hysterical sad evil woman or Calm Momwife. It’s a problem a lot of male authors have of only seeing a woman’s anger as a character flaw. In order to keep her as a hero, her anger needs to be “fixed,” and even that isn’t done well.

Suddenly, her drive is gone. Her love of Yoriko is completely abandoned, as is her reason to care for average humans. Her ambitions of collage and success are cast aside. Her complicated feeling towards her brother become “oh I get it it’s all cool I love him and just want him safe no hard feelings haha.” By the time we see her in Re:, she is no longer Touka. She is just the Momwife personality she got crammed into because Ishida just couldn’t think of a use for this previously complex character than “Wife And Mom.”

I’m not saying that she should have stayed angry and aggressive, but she should have stayed consistent, she should have changed over time and for coherent reasons. Such pivotal parts of her character are unceremoniously thrown out, we don’t even get a good explanation for why she turned out that way. Yes, she could rebuild her family with her brother, but it should have been built up to. Yes, she could leave Yoriko behind, but it should have any reason for it at all. Hell, I’m a die hard Hidekane fan, but I’d say she could have had a great romance with Kaneki if it didn’t come out of nowhere

She was “calmed” by having her dreams stripped from her after losing anteiku. She was given her “happy ending” by getting knocked up from desperate and uncomfortable pity sex. She was a girl who wanted to go to collage and protect her loved ones, she had queer undertones of being in love with her human fried, she had reasonable aggression as a self defense mechanism. Any one of these things could spring into an arc of their own.

But all that was thrown out in favor of being the most convenient straight love interest for Kaneki, though her personality was so incompatible with him that it had to be stripped bare to even pretend it works

If she had been given the same treatment as her brother and had her anger treated as a byproduct of the way she’s forced to survive rather than a self caused character flaw, she could have been perfect. If she’d been kept in the focus and not shoved aside for so much of Re:, she would have been good. If any part of her character at all stayed in tact, she would have been fine. But instead she’s reduced to either a Bitchy Child or Momwife. She was so interesting, and I wish her character didn’t get gutted for the sake of her male family and rushed love interest

#tokyo ghoul #rant #touka kirishima #ayato kirishima #tokyo ghoul meta #tokyo ghoul criticism

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catsintei · 3 years ago

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I'm terrified that they'll make Mercury the new Adam for Emerald in Volume 9. I don't want Mercury to be villainized if he feels like Emerald's abandoned him but I don't want him to be JUST fine with her leaving and joining the good guys.

I feel you 100% anon; but I think that in order to answer your ask properly and to put into context my words and feelings regarding it, I first need to talk about Emerald’s “redemption arc”.

This is a long post so...

Basically, it was not good to put it lightly. The buildup towards Emerald leaving Salem was certainly there, if only just barely. I’m not going to deny that the writing was on the wall from the beginning, but it was very, very, sparse in regards to an actual full fledged redemption arc. A few sad and scared looks here and there, an “it's almost sad” said in the face of a brutal massacre of innocents, and an “I don’t know if what we're doing is right because Cinder isn’t here”, do not a solid foundation for a redemption arc make.

This barebones buildup would have sufficed had CRWBY decided to make v8 the very beginning of Emerald’s path to redemption, instead of ending it as soon as it started. This totally could have happened, as I said previously, the buildup to Emerald leaving Salem was there, and hell, they had it down initially; Emerald didn’t leave Salem because she saw the error of her ways and decided to change for the better. She only escaped because her life was in immediate danger, not because of some sense of morality, and I think that’s a good thing, it's completely in character for her! Emerald through her actions is neither a nice nor good person. This could have been built upon further if the writers chose to go for the “strained alliance the enemy of my enemy is my friend” angle, in which Emerald, after working closely with the protagonists to survive; building a bond with them in the process, realizes the true error of her ways and puts in the work to better herself.

Unfortunately, nothing of the sort happened. Emerald instantly seemed to become besties with Team RWBY & Co. smiles and giggles all around even after she uh, tried to murder Penny mere hours before. I hate to constantly compare each and every redemption arc to Zuko’s, but in this case I think it’s a good example of the general structure of a redemption arc. Emerald at the end of v8, does not feel like a Book 2 Zuko, just starting to realize the error of his ways. Emerald decidedly feels like a late stage Book 3 Zuko, minus the character development. It doesn't feel like the beginning of a redemption arc, it very much feels like the end.

Now that I have that off of my chest, let's get to the main point.

I don’t see Mercury being made into Emerald’s Adam, that honour goes to Cinder (which is why I would really like for there to be a Mercury and Emerald vs. Cinder confrontation/fight sometime in the future). Mercury has been shown to care about Emerald A Lot, making him out to be her Adam would be the biggest pile of bullshit in any form of media known to mankind. Mercury’s and Emerald’s relationship with each other bears absolutely no resemblance to what Blake’s and Adam’s relationship was. Decimating the great relationship that Emerald and Mercury have would be an insanely stupid move.

However, I can certainly see Mercury being villainized, both in show and chiefly by the fandom, if he has a negative reaction towards Emerald leaving, especially if he feels as if she left him. Mercury has already been blatantly villainized by the fandom post v8, I have seen many posts detailing how Mercury is “the villainous counterpart to the hero, Emerald”, how he cannot leave Salem because he is “in too deep” and has gone too far. Most of these posts ignoring the fact that it has been pointed out directly and indirectly through his body language and dialogue, that Mercury is actually deeply uncomfortable with working for Salem but is too afraid to leave her and the only life he’s ever known, and frankly I can’t blame him for that.

In general, a negative reaction from Mercury in regards to Emerald’s “departure” from Salem’s cabal is to be expected, especially because Tyrian literally threatened to hunt down and kill both of them if they dared to betray Salem, which Emerald has now done, and also Tyrian is like… right there… with Mercury… whoops. Nevertheless, in my opinion, Mercury would understand why Emerald escaped Salem and where she is coming from but he wouldn't be just fine with Emerald leaving for the aforementioned reasons; because he cares about her and everything she has done so far went against the self preservation agenda Mercury carries, and could get her very swiftly killed.

I don't think we will see much of Mercury and Emerald in v9, but when they do eventually show up and reunite, I could see there being some (hopefully swiftly resolved) conflict between them concerning their respective decisions, with them coming to a mutual understanding. However I doubt that Mercury will double down on staying with Salem, if the entire “Salem is gonna destroy the world :)” thing from Tyrian didn't change his mind then the hours-long plane ride with him probably has.

So yeah, I really hope that Mercury is treated well going forward, I think he deserves positive character development, I think he deserves to leave Salem, I think he deserves the opportunity to live his own free life, and I want his character to be done well and for his story to end on a positive note.

I had a lot more on my mind that I wanted to say here, but decided to keep it on the shorter side. Thanks for the ask and the opportunity to ramble, feel free to send more ^-^

#rwby #mercury black #emerald sustrai #cinder fall #my posts #asks #this might be a bit rwde also? but i don't think so

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ladyalienist · 3 years ago

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Health, size, and honestly fuck everything.

I wouldn't want to write this post, but here we are. I mean, this is the most anonymous I can get.

In January 2020, before this whole Covid mess started, my head started spinning at random.

It was slightly uncomfortable, but I could do stuff while slightly uncomfortable. I'm used to doing stuff while in pain.

In March 2020 I received an endometriosis diagnosis - after thirteen years of pain and bathroom gore one week a month, five different oestrogen pills that worsened the situation (to this day, I haven't spent ONE DAY in my adult life without taking some hormonal pill) and TWO YEARS OF ME SAYING "I have endometriosis, I have every symptom, PLEASE HELP ME!".

Finally I had a therapy that made me feel better - no more The Shining blood-in-the-corridor scene! No more pain! Just follow religiously the regimen of progesterone and supplements for the side effects and you'll be fine! Still fatigued as fuck, still suffering from dyspareunia, but who cares.

My head kept on spinning at random. I didn't bother.

I don't go to the doctor unless it's extremely necessary. It's not a matter of money - my country has free healthcare, thank you very very much - it's about how I was treated. Not listened to, my problems overlooked, diagnosed at best with "fat" and at worse with "maybe it's all in your head, sweetie", the very few time I was in for somethig that couldn't possibly be reduced to "fat" the exams were invasive and painful and included screaming at me for flinching. And then a "lose weight, anyway".

I won't go on and on with rambling about my misfortunes with doctors, but anyway, in late June my head spins a lot and it's not just being slightly uncomfortable, it's "I'm risking to fall and hit my head every morning when I get up and I can't do shit". I go to my doctor this morning.

This woman who had me as a patient for about a decade makes her visit and assumption - not that important, it's not the point - prescribes me more in-depth exams and one medicine that should help, and then proceeds to tell me "you must really be sick to come, you're not the type who ever goes to the doctor". Yeah ma'am, maybe if you had listened to me when I came the first two times I'd trust you better. Then she sends me to a very kind nurse who needs some information to make a new file about me. Including height and weight.

Based on BMI I am obese. And I am fat. Like, I'm a really big and intimidating sturdy woman. But I have unbreakable bones and a strong build and even when I'm not doing any sports I can still lift most of my friends up and spend a whole day marching. I am undeniably fat and I'd need to lose weight, but I'm far from being the kind of obese most people imagine when saying the word. Like, many people including males in seeing me genuinely don't think I'm in any way medically problematic.

BMI is shit. It's shit on so many levels. Everyone knows that. Yet the nurse kinda frowns, she didn't expect those numbers.

I go out from the doctor. It's a nice, sunny day.

I am thinking about killing myself once again.

I think about all of the desperate work I put into learning how to take pleasure from food and still eating healthy - once a week I have pizza. Once a week I might have a sandwich with a bit of mayo or a sushi lunch. No soda of any kind. Some biscuits at breakfast because in my culture breakfast is carby and sweet - but my breakfast is overall not that big deal. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I try to be intuitive and follow the needs of my body. I take long walks whenever I can - if I can't it's because university is a fucking full time job nobody ever recognizes and I get TIRED.

I'm fat and no amount of salad can change that. My weight stayed the same for seven years after school no matter what and how much I ate. Science is telling us that size is 90% genetics and epigenetics and diet culture is killing people.

I tried to learn how to enjoy eating and how to do it in front of other people and how to share. But now I'm having thoughts about how much I need to lose and how to do - no more weekly pizza? No more sushi? Never again? A sad sad life of counting calories and going back into massacring my body in sports the way I did when I was a teenager? Or maybe I could finally fit (haha) the criteria for bariatic surgery, so I can have exactly one slice of pizza per week and be satisfied with it for the rest of my life. Still a bit sad but fine, I guess. I wasn't meant for pleasure anyway.

I think about how people were grossed out by my body and mocked and ridiculed me and whoever looked like me. Thin was the price to pay for being free to exist, for being at least a girl/woman - not even a person, misoginy still counts, but a girl/woman. A fat girl, a fat woman, is less than that, she's scum.

I think about how the men (boys actually) I partnered with were delighted with the fact that they could hit me and be rough - I could take the pain and no serious damage was ever done. But fucking me and hitting me did not make me their girlfriend. Their reputation could be ruined, God forbid. The very first male friend who didn't actually bother about being seen in public spaces with me... well I met him at 20, exactly 20, it was my birthday.

I think about the repulsion I feel in the morning when I shower and I see and feel my naked body.

Yesterday a friend of mine, a friend of mine who says I'm beautiful, who calls me "hottie" on a regular basis, and I were drinking a cocktail. She took a picture of me for Instagram and I was OK with it. Now I think about how people might see me and feel the same repulsion. I get them.

I think about a woman my age who just died in my country because of bariatic surgery. She went under and never woke up. She was just like me, big and sturdy but healthy, happy. She had a boyfriend and friends - one friend in common with me indeed - but the job market wanted her to be skinny. So she died.

I raise my gaze and see a man, his lower abdomen so bloated it hurts to watch, slowly walking to somewhere. I don't want to blame a guy who has done nothing but exist, but... has he ever thought about his body in the same terms I think of mine? Look at his slow slow walk... entirely different from my fast and nervous pace, the one that has my acquaintances and friends screaming "where the fuck are you running please wait for us short-legged people you valkyrie", fast and nervous not only because I have places to go but mostly because I have calories to burn. Does he know that fast walking makes you healthier? He doesn't seem to know. Health for him is a non concern.

I'd deserve a healthcare system that does something for me. What I have is ineffective measures for serious problems and a useless culture that would rather have me die in an unnecessary surgery than just reconsider it's priorities. Tell that woman that it was for her health. Please, go on her grave and tell her.

I get to a bar.

"Good morning, may I have a coffee cream, please?"

My head has not stopped spinning yet.

#radblr #fat woman life #radfem safe #radfems please touch #gender critical #radfems please interact #terfs do touch #radfems do interact #fatness #fat healthcare #women healthcare #women health #useless ramble #fat acceptance #some people are fat #and that's okay

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chocoluckchipz · 4 years ago

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The Other You - 19

Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

< Previous

Marinette had never been so close to committing homicide before. She’d gladly solve this issue peacefully, but it looked like there was no other way of dealing with Adrien Freaking Agreste. Letting him help her was a huge mistake. Why was she such a pushover? Damned puppy eyes. Adrien’s should be illegal. They were like a lethal weapon, those things on his face. And that stupid sexy smile of his! An army would lay down their arms and surrender at the sight of Adrien’s smoulder.

“Tikki!” Marinette hissed. “I need to let off some steam. Spots on!”

Wind in her hair, Ladybug ran across the rooftops, the setting sun bringing up an unwelcome reminder. She should be back home, sharing dinner with Chat Noir right now, not trying to escape her own weaknesses. It wasn’t her fault, though—Chat had somewhere else to be tonight.

Stupid cat! This wasn’t even the first time he’d bailed on their dinners after the reveal. Not that he was of any use when he was coming over. Distant, suddenly shy for no reason, avoiding any physical contact. He wouldn’t even hug her now, much less kiss. What was wrong? Was it her? Did she do something? Why was he suddenly less affectionate with her than when they used to be just friends?

She stopped, her breathing ragged. Holding onto the nearest chimney, Ladybug forced a sad chuckle, pushing down the knot in her throat.

No.

He still loved her. He was just working on that thing he needed to do before he could reveal himself to her. That was it. There was nothing wrong with anything. She had no reason not to trust Chat. They’d been partners for a decade now and did he once lie to her?

Ladybug closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Everything would be alright. Once the show was over in less than a week, Adrien would stop coming to her studio. Hopefully, Chat Noir would resolve his issue by then and would start treating her more like a lover instead of whatever was going on between them now. That would surely help her get over her stupid feelings for Adrien which shouldn’t have happened in the first place!

She was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

She was the freaking Ladybug, the superhero of Paris!

She should have better self-control than this! She should’ve stayed away from that man in the first place! It was probably some genetic disorder or something to fall for Adrien Agreste the moment she spent more than ten minutes in the same room with him. There had to be some kind of medicine for it if that was the case.

Ladybug sprinted. She needed that tightness in her chest to vanish. Those butterflies in her stomach must be massacred. Her mind should be focused on running, not on the chiselled body of her boss. His perfect smile. His gorgeous eyes. His stupidly funny jokes… He’d flirted with her on multiple occasions! There was no denying that.

What was his deal???

What was he hoping to achieve? He said he wanted to be friends again, nothing more. So why the heck was he showering her with compliments? Why the hell was he kissing her hands and bringing her little presents every so often? Why did he pay her so much attention, and why did he have to be so perfect? Why couldn’t Marinette concentrate on her work the moment Adrien came into the room?

Why in the world hadn’t she told him she wasn’t single yet???

Why didn't Chat Noir evoke the same reaction in her? He was her freaking boyfriend! She should be swooning over him. She would be if that mangy cat gave her any encouragement, instead of pulling away at the slightest hint of attention from her. He had yet to kiss her since the reveal and, to be honest, Marinette was growing impatient. She needed his affection. She craved his touch. The intimacy of his embrace. The heat of his lips on hers. She needed Chat to make her feel special, loved, and cared for. She didn’t ask for much…

Her eyes zeroed on a figure in the window. Ladybug looked around in confusion. How did she end up in front of her workplace? Why was there a single lit window in the building on a Saturday night? Why was Adrien Agreste in that window, hunched over his desk, working on something she couldn't quite make out? Most importantly, why couldn't Ladybug walk in and ask him what his intentions were towards her civilian self? It wasn't like he knew her identity, but if she was careful, she had a chance to find out why he was behaving the way he was. Maybe, there were no ill intentions on his side and it all was in her head.

Logic forgotten, all caution cast aside, Ladybug swung her yoyo and landed on the sill of Adrien’s office window a moment later. He looked at her, his eyes widening, lips stretching in a smile soon after.

“Ladybug?” Adrien stood and rushed to open the window for her. “What brings you here?”

“Nothing in particular.” She came down to the floor without taking his offered hand. “I was just in the neighbourhood and noticed a lone light on in the building. And then saw you and thought, why, look who is it? Adrien Agreste. Haven’t seen him in ages. I should probably stop by and say hello. So, hello, Adrien. How are you? What have you been up to these past few years? What are you up to now?”

Adrien laughed, his eyes sparkling with joy. Or were those tears?

Ladybug pressed her lips in a thin line. How dare he look so—so… Ugh!

“Sorry.” He seemingly tried to compose himself, the sweetest smile on his lips. So soft and warm, it lit up the room.

She couldn’t look away. Those lips of his were probably just as soft as his smile… She wondered… But she was in her costume. There is no way she’d feel anything even if she touched them.

Crap!

Her eyes wide, heat spreading on her cheeks, Ladybug turned away. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I did burst in uninvited with a ton of questions.”

“You’re always welcome here.” Adrien gave her another of his signature, lethal smiles. “Thank you for stopping by. Can’t blame you for being curious. The last time we saw each other was quite a long time back. What’s it been? A few years?”

“Since you moved away from the mansion, I think.”

“Oh, yeah. Long time,” he echoed, gazing into her eyes.

Ladybug stilled, recognizing something. Mischief lurked behind that warmth in his eyes. Something darker, something that made her toes curl and her stomach tighten, was hiding behind that innocent light of his. She swallowed and forced herself to look away.

“So, what have you been up to?” she asked, walking to his desk. Mostly to get some space between them.

“Nothing spectacular.” Freaking Agreste followed her! “Graduated from a university. Physics and Education majors. Found work at a high school. This spring, inherited this disaster of a fashion empire. Currently trying it out for summer.”

“Trying out?”

“Yeah.” His hand rubbed the nape of his neck. “I want to see which line of work appeals more to me before making any decisions regarding my future.”

“And what are you thinking as of now?”

Adrien shrugged. “Honestly? I think Gabriel’s growing on me. When I first came here, I was ready to sell it that same evening. But then a friend helped me out, and it went easier from there. Right now, I’d say, I’m kind of enjoying rebuilding this sinking ship into the great company it should be. Not whatever my father led it into.”

There was her perfect opening. “A friend?”

Freaking Agreste dared to smile so sweetly she almost got diabetes. He didn’t even look away when letting her civilian name slip his lips in the most reverent fashion.

“Marinette. You know her, right? From Tom and Sabine’s bakery. Black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, beautiful smile. Just as fiery and brave as you are.”

She’d let all the compliments slide for now for the sake of sniffing out the info she needed. She simply nodded. “I remember Marinette.”

His smile got smug all of a sudden, eyes sparkling with glee. Adrien grabbed a string of beads off his desk and showed it to her. “Look. This is a lucky charm I made for her. Her first line will be presented next week, so I wanted to support her in any way I can. Not that Marinette needs luck because her collection is amazing, but we exchanged lucky charms back in school and I thought it was pretty neat. I still have the lucky charm she gave me, but I wasn’t sure if she still had hers. So, I decided to make her a new one. What do you think?”

Holding her breath, Ladybug picked a string of beads off Adrien's palm. Instead of the blue and yellow palette of his old lucky charm, this one was done in different shades of pinks and greys that sparkled and shimmered under the lights. A much more elegant and sophisticated job. No fashionista in Paris would ever be embarrassed carrying a lucky charm like this in her purse.

“You… made this… for Marinette?”

“You don’t like it?”

“No! No, it’s gorgeous,” she rushed to assure him because, Adrien or not, when it came to style and taste, a compliment was due where it belonged. “I’m just amazed. You do have an eye for fashion, Adrien. The colours and shapes… they all blend so well together.”

He chuckled nervously. “Thank you. But it's only because of the extensive bead collection I have access to here at Gabriel that I was able to pull this off. Pretty sure it would’ve been a different story if I were to go bead shopping myself.”

“That’s why you’re here on Saturday night? To make this for her?”

“Yes,” Adrien sighed so dreamily, it sent pleasant shivers up Ladybug’s spine, tingling at the tips of her fingers. “I wish I could do more for her. Marinette deserves so much more.”

Freaking Agreste!

Her heart pounding, Ladybug ignored the rising pain in her chest. “Why?”

“Why what?” He looked at her in confusion.

“Why would you do this? The last I remember of Marinette, she was an ignorant, career-obsessed workaholic who couldn’t care less about her friends and family. I heard she pushed away everyone close to her—including her best friends. I heard she’d become cold and self-centred. She’d hurt everyone she knew. Why are you doing this for her?”

“Because I’m in love with her.”

Wind punched out of her lungs, Ladybug froze. Her legs gave way beneath her, and the only reason she didn’t crumble to the ground was because she was able to quickly lean on his desk.

“Because everything you just mentioned,” Adrien continued, “Was a result of my father’s presence in her life, not her character. It was partially my fault as well. I left her here alone. I knew Father would chew her up and spit her out, yet I still walked away. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that, but I’ll spend my life trying to earn her forgiveness.”

“But it’s not like she cared for your opinion or help—”

“That doesn’t matter,” Adrien interrupted. “I should’ve tried harder.”

Marinette bit her tongue. She said more than Ladybug should’ve known. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice.

“You should visit her now,” Adrien continued. “My Father’s been out of her life for only a few months and she’s back to being her amazing self.” He grabbed his cellphone and opened one of the pictures he’d snapped of her today at lunch. “Look how beautiful she’s become. Can you see how happy she is? That smile? The light in her eyes? And when she works with her designs… Ladybug, you should see her then! Marinette just transforms. I’ve never seen anything like it. She’s such an inspiration in those moments. I mean, I’m starting to love this job only because of her, because of how fun and easy and interesting she makes it look.” Pausing for a moment, Adrien let a goofy smile run free on his lips as he whispered, “I didn’t even notice how or when I fell in love with Marinette, but it feels so natural loving her. And I know that after everything I’ve done, I probably don’t have much hope of her returning my feelings, but I don’t care. I love her enough to do whatever it takes to make her happy. Even if it’s as just a friend.”

He fell silent for a moment, his eyes focusing on her picture in his cellphone. He ran his finger across the image and whispered, “Doesn’t mean I’m not hoping for more or that I won’t try my luck, but that’s a different story for a different day.”

Dumbfounded, Ladybug stared at Adrien in shock. Her heart pounding in her ears, she swallowed back the desire to kiss the man senseless. Her fingertips ached to touch him. She forced herself to stay still. His name slipped her lips. He looked at her, but Ladybug closed her eyes and bowed her head, inhaling deeply.

You have a boyfriend! Get a grip!

You have Chat Noir who loves you. Her sweet, caring, and amazing Kitty who deserved her love more because he’d waited faithfully for years. Yes, Chat was beyond weird at the moment, but he still loved her. She still loved him! And she would never cheat on him.

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” she whispered and sprinted out of that office, running as fast as she could back to Chat Noir’s apartment where she could swaddle herself in Chat Noir’s blanket on Chat Noir’s bed and forget all about Adrien Agreste.

***

Marinette only had to survive a few more days. Her show was on Wednesday, and most of the work was done. Realistically, she could easily skip going to work on Monday but there was no way she’d do that. What if something went wrong at the last second? Adrien and her now undeniable feelings for him or not, Marinette couldn’t risk compromising the collection she worked so hard for.

However, acting as though nothing had changed between them… she couldn’t do that either. Surviving the day in the man’s close proximity while being attracted to him like he was made of the finest, most delicious dark chocolate was hard enough. Knowing he was in love with her added a whole new dimension Marinette would rather forget.

None of the countless akumas that she’d defeated over the years had ever given her such a struggle as her own heart at that moment.

There were no options, though. Chat Noir was her choice and Marinette had come up with the perfect plan to win this battle. All she had to do was to stay away from Adrien to not give this… whatever it was between them a viable chance to grow. With time, he would get over her. After all, Felix was right—Adrien was hot, handsome, rich, and famous. There were bound to be a swarm of pretty girls on his trail soon enough to distract him from a lowly designer struggling to get a grip on her life. Once that happened, Marinette would have no choice but to forget about him. Hopefully with Chat Noir’s help.

Unexpected aid in her quest came in the face of Alya, who by some miracle secured an ESMOD exam for Marinette at the end of the week. Judging by the ton of material Alya dropped for Marinette to review, it promised to be an extensive and hard test, but if Marinette were to pass, she’d obtain her fashion degree without going back to school. That gave her the perfect excuse to decline Adrien’s company on both Monday and Tuesday. She had studying to do and time was scarce. He understood and left her alone, but not before giving her the lucky charm he’d made. Marinette accepted it, but only because he had done a really impressive job and she didn’t want Adrien to suspect anything.

Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough. Marinette was wired from the get-go, barely sleeping the night before. During the show, with all the chaos behind the curtain, she barely had time to notice anyone as she ran around, making sure her collection was at its best. It was only at the After-Show Gala that she saw him again.

In all his stupidly handsome glory, Adrien looked calm and collected as he mingled with people, no doubt basking in the praise that both men’s and women’s lines brought him as the company’s CEO. A few people congratulated her as well, but Marinette barely paid attention, skillfully maneuvering the room to avoid Adrien at all costs. She would’ve gone home, but as the main designer of the newest addition to Gabriel, she had to stay for at least a few hours before escaping. And escape was what she wanted more than anything. She still had dinner with Chat Noir to make, and she’d better get herself together before then.

Half an hour before her planned retreat, Marinette slipped out to the balcony. Being generously large, it was more of a terrace with breathtaking views of the city for visitors to enjoy. She crossed to the railing and leaned against it, surveying the skyline. The sun had just set, giving way for the city to come alive with lights. It sparkled and shimmered, mesmerizing her. The low hum of the noise off the streets and muffled sounds of chatter and music from the party behind her, Marinette closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She was almost there. Thirty minutes and she could escape. Tomorrow, Adrien would go back to the main office, and she would be able to focus on her relationship with Chat Noir without worrying about the emotional despair of having fallen for another man.

“Marinette?”

She cursed under her breath, hopefully silently enough for him not to hear it.

��Getting some fresh air?”

Mentally facepalming, she turned around with the most awkward smile on her face. “It was way too stuffy inside.”

“Tell me about it.” Adrien smiled at her, coming to stand by her side. He leaned on the railing next to her, his eyes never leaving hers. “I believe I haven’t congratulated you yet. All of your hard work paid off—a smashing hit of a collection and a few offers for distribution on my desk already. As of now, you’re the hottest asset of the day.”

“Really?” She tried her best not to show Adrien just how much he affected her, standing so close. He had no right to be so… so perfect and sexy and handsome and… those kind, warm eyes of his…

Marinette bit on her lip, looking away. Adrien had always looked impeccable, but there was something about him at this moment that made her knees go weak and made those stupid butterflies stir in her belly. Was it the way he looked at her? Or perhaps his flawlessly put-together look? Or was it the knowledge of his feelings for her that made her want to kiss those lips of his?

“What do you think?”

Marinette blinked in confusion, looking back at him. She probably should’ve listened to what he was talking about all this time. “Um… I don’t know?”

An amused smile on his lips, Adrien chuckled. "Well, you have time to think about it, but if you'd like to choose a new assistant by yourself instead of me or HR doing it for you, just let me know. Okay?”

“Sure.” She nodded and scanned the area around them for anything that could be an excuse for her to leave because she had to get away, now! It was probably that small amount of alcohol that she’d drunk a little earlier that was getting to her because there was no way in hell she’d just thought about kissing him otherwise.

“I’m sorry.” She straightened and turned for the exit. “I think I’ll head home now. Exhaustion is finally getting to me. I need some rest.”

Adrien looked disappointed, a moment later stepping closer. “Sure,” he said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Before you go, though, can I ask you for a favour?”

Not wanting to prolong their conversation longer than needed, Marinette simply nodded.

Adrien stretched his hand to her with the most charming smile on his stupidly handsome face and, she swore, he purred. “Can you spare me one dance?”

An enrapturing sparkle in his eyes, his gaze called to her.

Dance with me, Marinette. You know you want to.

The woman could hardly bring herself to say no. Her protest was just as weak as her knees. “We can barely hear the music out here.”

“It’s loud enough for a dance.” He stepped closer, now mere inches away from her, and took her hand in his. “Please? I’ve waited all evening for a chance to dance with the star of the show.”

His touch, though gentle, burned where their skin met. Marinette almost snatched her hand away, but that would be beyond rude and she wasn’t a rude person. “I’m not feeling well enough to dance,” she murmured, averting her eyes to the side.

“Alright.”

Freaking Agreste had the nerve to look like a kicked puppy about to cry!

“But I think I can manage one dance,” she relented.

Marinette swore it was someone else who said that. It couldn’t have been her! But his face lit up, and she didn’t have the heart to upset him again.

“Thank you,” he whispered, gently squeezing her hand in his.

A new melody started to play as if on cue. Adrien lifted Marinette’s hand in his, and wrapped his other one around her waist. She could hardly breathe with how close he was. His body warmth against hers was making her head spin. His breath fanned her face. He smelled of wine and crackers. Perhaps some cheese. She wasn’t sure. Those eyes, deep green and alluring, worked their magic, and Marinette forgot the whole world as Adrien led her around the terrace in a waltz.

It felt like flying. Stepping on clouds, everything long-forgotten but him and how close he held her. His arms, lean and strong, lovingly wrapped around her. His eyes never left hers. A gentle, loving smile on his lips. They smoothly glided across the terrace. Following his lead felt so natural and easy, a moment of pure bliss and serenity. She could easily lose herself in this.

His presence intoxicated more than any alcohol she’d ever had. Paired with the soft music quietly flowing around them, it was a dangerous combination. She didn’t even notice when the song ended. They stood frozen, gazing into each other's eyes. Hers fluttered close as Adrien began to lean in.

Everything forgotten, she held her breath in anticipation when the image of Chat Noir ripped her back to reality.

…

What was she doing?

Marinette pushed Adrien away and stepped back. “I… I can’t…” she whispered and ran towards the door.

“Marinette, wait!” Adrien caught her hand right before she reached the door. “Marinette, I’m sorry. I thought—it seemed like—like you—and I… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cross any boundaries. I’m so sorry. I just… I’m in love with you, Marinette. Have been for some time. And I wanted to see if there was a chance for me… for us… If you could ever consider me as someone more than a friend.”

She shook her head fervently. Snatching her hand back, she clasped it to her chest, her mouth refusing to utter a single word.

What was wrong with her?!

She almost kissed him!

And she wanted to do so!

She wanted his attention. She was starved for affection, and her stupid boyfriend wasn’t giving it to her while an equally stupid Adrien was eager to take her in his arms. Was she so desperate to feel loved that she almost let him?

“Marinette, please. Say something.”

“I can’t,” she forced out, her eyes searching for anything to focus on that wasn’t him.

“I have a boyfriend!” she shot at the blond, her mind working in overdrive to come up with a reason why she couldn’t be with him. There had to be something that would make Adrien go away. There had to be something that would push him far enough to give her space and time to retreat and build a better defence against his charms.

“And even if I was single, I could never be with you,” she fired angrily in desperation. “Our history—I can’t fully trust you, Adrien, and no relationship can ever work without trust. We can never be together!”

He flinched.

Marinette grabbed onto that as her saving line. “I’m sorry, Adrien. I know you apologized and I swear I forgave you, but there is no unconditional trust anymore. There will always be this doubt in the back of my mind now, whispering that you might betray me or do something behind my back again. We can’t build a healthy relationship on that. No one can.”

His hands fell to his sides. The hurt on his face was too painful even for her to watch, so she turned away.

“I don’t think a friendship would work for us either. I’m sorry.”

Almost ripping the door off its hinges in her desperation to get away before her weaknesses would take over her mind again, Marinette strode into the ballroom swarming with people. Loud music, idle chatter, careless laughs, the overbearing presence of everyone around her attacked her senses.

She had to escape.

She had to get away.

She headed for the door, noticing the bar in the corner of her vision.

She would escape.

She would run away and hide from everyone, but she needed a drink first.

To forget the look on his face.

To dull the wound she just ripped through her own heart.

Next >

#miraculous ladybug #marichat #adrienette #ml #chat noir #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug #the other you

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baby-grayson · 4 years ago

Text

Sweet Enigma| Part 5

Word Count: 2605

Tags: @wheezeatmedolans @styles-dolan @prettyboydolan @evergreendolan @baby-turtles @dolanstacoma @kombuchagray @not-gbd @graysavant @someonetogray @dolansficsandpics @batgirl009 @voguekristens @letsgoget-high @crossedbone-kat @graysonsdollface

Ethan sat at his kitchen island, shoveling bites of pancake into his mouth. His phone buzzed so hard it nearly jerked off the counter. He swooped an arm down and caught it before it hit the ground. When he stopped to read the messages illuminating his screen, he once again confirmed his status as the smarter twin.

In a room on the other side of the house, a strung out and angry Sherry typed furiously at her laptop. She ignored phone calls and emails from her agent and publicist. Her nostrils flared at her computer screen while her manicure clacked against her keys. She sneered at the notifications coming in, forcing her to face the images of Grayson stalking into their tiny home with another woman.

From the other side of the room, Calvin Maddox leaned against a wall with a cool gaze. His eyes did not move from his emotional daughter while he spoke into his phone, “You hear me Chip? I want that girl’s name. I want her daddy’s name. I want her mama’s name. I want to know what she ate for dinner last night. And don’t you dare call me back until you know everything.” With a stern finger, he hung up the call and crossed his arms. Sherry turned from her position at the computer, her blue eyes were dark with something mad and disturbed. She gritted her teeth and turned back to finish what she was doing.

Wesley’s voice was choked up when Kate picked up the phone. She felt every one of her organs shake. Wesley’s breathing was uneasy, clearly audible over the phone. She closed her eyes and winced: like she was in pain at the dentist.

He didn’t even bother starting with pleasantries. “Katie—” Her heart broke to hear him say it like that, “What’s going on?” “Wes,” she started, “It’s not what you think,” her words got quicker with each second, “It-it looks—it’s not what it—”

“What am I supposed to think?” His voice was loud and sharp on her ears, “I’m—I’m confused Kate.”

“They’re not telling the truth—” “You’re not telling the truth! Kate! You said you were in Philadelphia! You said you were with your mom! And I look at my phone and see you in Jersey with some guy! Some guy that’s practically married! What am I supposed to think Kate? What am I supposed to feel?”

“I didn’t—I didn’t think—” “Didn’t think what?” Wesley choked on his words, “That you would get caught?”

Kate felt a single tear fall down the side of her face. As much as she had never believed Wesley was the one for her, she would have never pictured hurting him like this. His voice sounded like someone was stabbing him in the gut. In a deep place, she knew Wesley deserved better: not someone who would run off to the East Coast under false pretenses and the remnants of an old romance. She felt messy. She felt dirty. She felt problematic. Wesley was the last shred of her old life left. He was the last memory of a happy girl, with a healthy mom, and a doting boyfriend who never worried about Grayson Dolan.

“I’m done Kate. I can’t do this. Not if you’re going to treat me this way. I-I wish it was different, I really do but…. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to at least tell the truth.”

It pained Wesley to do it, in a deep and emotional place. Seeing those photos of Kate and Grayson forces Wesley to permanently let go of his vision for a future with her. In ten minutes, his entire idea of what his life would look like was erased for a darker picture. He loved her; she lied to him. He wore the stains of the tainted spaces she left in his heart.

And with that, Kate said goodbye to the last shred of her old life. She was, officially, a confused girl, with a sick mom, and no boyfriend but many worries about Grayson Dolan.

Her heart felt tortured: skewered by the events of the past few days. She felt a thousand arrows puncturing her aortas: some of them with Grayson’s name, some of them with Wesley’s, and some with her own because she could not deny that it was her own actions that catalyzed and inflicted her own pain.

And on that day, so many hearts were in pain. Grayson’s heart ached for Kate. He felt existentially disturbed in a deep place. He worried about what his decisions had done to Kate. Half of his mind hated the other half, for worrying more about Kate than he did about Sherry. He paced around his mother’s house, dragging fingers through his hair and playing at the callouses on his palms while he tried to formulate some kind of plan to make everything right.

The ability to do so was stripped from him from the media storm erupted in the winds of Sherry’s announcement.

Displayed as white text on a black background she wrote: “It is with a heavy heart and so much sadness that I am forced to announce the end of my engagement to Grayson Dolan. Grayson gave me so many beautiful moments and wonderful experiences, but I am moving onto a new, independent chapter in my life. Grayson’s decision to pursue a new direction in his life has offered me the opportunity to enjoy life as a liberated woman. Although I am trying to look at this new point in my life with excited eyes, thinking about all of the horizons that are out there for me: I am stricken by the pain, grief, and anguish of being involuntarily compelled to dispose of any fantasies of the life I was going to create with the man whom I thought was my soulmate. In this time, I am eternally grateful for the love and respect of my mother, father, sister, and all of my supporters.”

Grayson dialed the phone before the dust settled in his mind. He was surprised to hear Sherry’s voice on the other end, not her recorded voicemail or her assistant.

“Sherry—” his tone landed somewhere between agitated and massacred. “What was that? What did you—” “I should be asking you the same question,” she was calm and pointed. For all of her selfish, greedy flaws: Sherry Maddox never lost her purposefully, Southern composure. The only time she addressed someone with so much as a hair out of place, was when Grayson intruded on her space when he went to pack his bag: he had unraveled her once and he wasn’t going to do it twice.

“So we’re over? You didn’t even have the decency to tell me you were going to—to—to post that? To send that?” Grayson’s meaty fingers clutched his phone with white knuckled.

“Take it as retribution,” she popped her lips before continuing, “For not having the decency to tell me you were running away.” Her jaw cracked over the phone, “With another woman.”

Grayson sighed, “Sherry,” his tone was lighter. “I—I—” Grayson struggled. He wasn’t going to ask for her back. He didn’t want to ask for her back. He didn’t want to be with her. He didn’t even want to be on the phone with her right now. But he was trying to do the right thing, to honor his past commitments and make right his past mistakes. “—I’m trying to be a good man Sherry.”

She laughed. She laughed not with a happy effervescence but with a cold, chilling, mocking breath. “Good man? Since when does a good man leave his fiancé? Since when does a good man travel to the opposite end of the country in the middle of the night to get away from his fiancé? What kind of good man takes up post with another woman sleeping in his bed while his fiancé is stuck in California—trying to explain to her entire family why he wasn’t at their celebration and decided to embarrass her like that?”

Grayson gulped. She didn’t stop. “Tell me. How much of it was a lie? Because some of it had to be? Did you never love me? Did you used to love me? What was I? Some kind of a publicity stunt? Were you insecure that the D’Amelios and the Pauls were more famous than you? Being a run away groom? This is more press than you’ve had in years? Did you know this from the beginning? Was it all fake? Or did something happen and suddenly I was just a device?” “No-“ his voice sounded more like a cry. “To think I actually wanted your children. You don’t deserve to have children in this world, anyone who can leave a path of hurt like that---you’re damn near a sociopath Dolan. I just can’t believe I let you hoodwink me into not seeing it for so long.” “NO!” He screamed into his phone, “I’m not a sociopath Sherry. I did love you. Once. I used to. But things changed. And I was wrong for—for not talking about it. For letting it boil up in me. For thinking that a happy future was a—a good enough reward for a problematic present—but sometimes it isn’t. and it wasn’t for us—for me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Sherry. I’m sorry I hurt you—you didn’t—you don’t deserve this. I’m going to be sorry I hurt you for the rest of my life. But please believe me when I say I never used you, when I say I never lied to you. I’m not a perfect man Sherry—I’m far from it—but nothing from the past year and a half was an act.” “You must really think I’m a dumb blonde huh?” Sherry’s cool tone was completely juxtaposed to the sound of Grayson’s panting yells, “You are right about one thing Dolan, you will be sorry about this for the rest of your life.” Before he could ask, Grayson heard the dial tone as she hung up their call.

Grayson didn’t notice his mother’s figure leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, but he didn’t flinch when she put a loving hand on his shoulder. His entire, large, beefy body was shaking. He sucked in his top lip and let it flop onto his bottom one with a large breath. Lisa clutched him caringly, “It’ll be okay.”

“That’s what Kate said,” Grayson’s face fell into a defeated picture.

“She’s smart,” Lisa took a seat at the kitchen island with Grayson. He looked over to his mother, finding comfort in her familiar gaze.

Grayson nodded softly, “I’m not.”

Lisa moved her hand to hold his forearm, radiating heat onto his skin, “No, you are. You just need to slow down. To think about what you want.” “What I want?” Grayson’s mouth shortened at the edges. Lisa nodded softly, knowingly, “You didn’t want Sherry. Not in that way.” Grayson lifted in his eyebrows in silent agreement. “Courage is grace under pressure,” she recited from memory, “In our hardest moments, we look to our purest truths.”

Grayson bit the inside of his cheek, “Thank you fortune cookie” His tone was low and deprived of any jest.

Lisa scoffed softly and hit him across the arm playfully, “I’m saying when you left Sherry, you weren’t just leaving her—you were looking for something. Something that is currently upstairs, laying in a ball because her boyfriend just broke up with her.” “Broke up with her?” Grayson had been too preoccupied with his own storm to check in with Kate for the past few hours. Lisa nodded, “It was bad but she’ll make it. The strong ones always do.”

“Am I strong one mom?” Grayson’s voice sounded small leaving his lips, nearly childlike.

Lisa released a breath though her nose and met her son’s eyes, “You are. Stronger than you think. But the only way to prove it to yourself is to get your life in order. And the only purpose who can do that, who can prove that, is you Grayson.”

Grayson Dolan never liked running. He felt like a hamster on a wheel. If he wanted to enjoy nature and feel at one with his surroundings, he would go for a merry walk or a bouncy hike. If he wanted to work out, to drench himself in sweat and manifest his troubles into physical struggle: he had a myriad of options to tone his body.

On that day, Grayson Dolan took off running and did not look back. The dozens of confusing, conglomerated, and strange emotions he had been feeling propelled one foot to push off and fly while the other met the ground. He felt his mind slow down for the first time in too long while he body quickened. The New Jersey breeze blew through his hair while leaped over a stump and kept going. If it wasn’t for the occasional pebble in his shoe, Grayson would have felt like a bird: soaring in the air without a precise destination. He glided through the air until he figured out what he wanted to run toward. Once he had a goal in mind, he turned around and hustled his way back home.

Kate stood under the shower head, letting a pressurized stream dance over her skin. She lifted her head up, taking in deep breaths as the water washed over her body. She felt her muscles relax for the first time in months. She let her mind go blank, refusing to let negative thoughts ruin this moment for her. She hooked her hands around her neck, rubbing soft circles and feeling a serene calm sound over her entire body.

The shower had started to steam up, the air was thick was a humid fog. The only audible sound was the whistle of the hot shower head.

Kate didn’t hear the door close. She didn’t hear the soft sound of clothes falling onto the bathmat. She didn’t even hear the shower curtain move from within her zen state. Her muscles tenses and then relaxed with the knowledge that the hands wrapped around her waist were Grayson’s.

He placed a kiss on the side of her neck. She stretched it out, allowing more room for his lips. His gentle fingertips drove deeper into her wet skin. She pursed her lips while she exhaled, nearly moaning as she melted under his lips.

One of his hands draped down and grabbed onto her thigh, pulling her closer to him at the waist. She bit her lip and smirked, silently wishing he could see her expression while she felt him press hard against her ass.

She turned slightly and went to meet his lips.

Grayson pulled back. His eyes darted around the scene and his hands went lip from where they laid around her. Grayson swallowed and took a step back, nearly fell over in the shower.

He suddenly realized what he was doing. Sure, he was now a free man but Kate wasn’t his woman. He couldn’t just barge into her shower, hold her naked body, slam her against a wall, and do dirty things to her all night.

Hell, the last he kissed her was nearly three years ago.

Kate seemed to sense his inner turmoil. She stepped toward him and licked her lips, wearing something dark in her eyes.

She clasped a hand around his jaw and his lips and pulled his face toward her, “Finish what you started.”

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elencelebrindal · 3 years ago

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Hi! Off topic question for your blog, since I've read the post about mxtx's works. Why don't you like Jiang Cheng? I'm curious to know the reason

Oh my god, I'm so sorry, this has been sitting in my askbox for a month T-T Ok, I have 10 minutes of free time, let me see how can I explain my dislike for him without angering the entire fandom.

Under the cut because 1. this is off topic for my blog and 2. it will probably be long. Beware of spoilers. I don't care for how long the novel/drama/donghua have been out, I'm aware there's still people that haven't read/watched it.

Please, keep in mind that this is my own opinion. Every single thing I've said in this post comes from my personality and views clashing with Jiang Cheng's character. I know that Jiang Cheng is a tridimensional character with a deep development, but that doesn't mean I approve of that (magnificently written) development. Comment if you want, but don't try to change my mind. It won't work. I also know that many of the things I've said here need further analysis and/or explanation, but it's been a year now since I've read the book/watched the drama, and I've shifted towards TGCF so I don't feel as involved as before.

Jiang Cheng is a difficult character for me to like, mainly because he reminds me of real life people that used to be around me, or are still around me. And said people make me uncomfortable.

At first, I didn't like or dislike Jiang Cheng. It was a normal character that I didn't really pay attention to, because he didn't fall in any of my "oh, I like/hate this character" category. He was a pretty normal person with struggles I could easily understand. Those doubts about his self-worth? Yeah, been there done that.

But then... Then the major changes of the plot happened.

I fully understand the overwhelming reaction he had after the death of his parents. I get that, I get that he felt lost and angry and frustrated all at the same time. I get that he was grieving, and terribly so. I get the reckless act of him running straight into danger for his parents' sake, I get him trying to help Wei Wuxian.

But I don't like how things started going downhill from there, from the moment he received Wei Wuxian's golden core and they reunited. I don't like how he resented all the Wen family, how he hated seemingly without making a distinction.

I absolutely despise the fact that Jiang Cheng opposed Wei Wuxian, when he wanted to protect those innocent people that had nothing to do with the massacres perpetrated by the Wen clan. I hate how Jiang Cheng ignored the fact that Wen Qing and Wen Ning helped him when he was most vulnerable.

I understand that he was angry, but that doesn't explain why he had to be so ungrateful towards people that didn't do anything malicious, people that helped him. Jiang Cheng is a multi-layered character, and there's not just this to him, but the negative feeling that came from him stuck to me way too much.

I appreciate the fact that Jiang Cheng reached some sort of agreement with Wei Wuxian, and that scene of him and Jiang Yanli meeting so Wei Wuxian could see her sister in her wedding robes still warms my heart, but Jiang Cheng went and declared Wei Wuxian an enemy of the cultivation world.

Jiang Cheng, although not even willingly (I don't believe him to be that blind), blamed Wei Wuxian for Jiang Yanli's death and for Jin Ling's current predicament. But this is something for another discussion, Jiang Yanli chose by herself, it was no one's blame if not hers and that's something often overlooked.

He suffered, yes, he was the only one left after his entire family died, but that didn't give him the right to straight up hate something he never tried to fully understand.

But what genuinely got me was his reaction upon discovering his golden core was Wei Wuxian's. To this day, I still can't get over the fact that he was angry at that. Confused, yes. It's understandable. But angry? Angry at someone for having helped you? I get it, okay? It's shocking. Knowing the man that was once your beloved brother sacrificed himself (literally) to help you is devastating, but his reaction seemed mostly bitter. There are reasons behind that, I'm aware of them, but at the same time... I didn't like it. This is probably because of how I personally think, though. I could never imagine me being bitter about someone helping me so much, even if it meant that certain someone had better skills than me. Jiang Cheng's personality regarding that is the complete opposite of mine, when he feels bitter I'd just feel sad.

I personally like to think that Jiang Cheng, after absorbing the shock, took his time to think about what Wei Wuxian's gesture meant, and took his time to try and mend their relationship.

Now, onto the thing that I dislike the most about him, because of personal experiences. I hate how Jiang Cheng educates Jin Ling. I know that he cares about him, and I know he'd rather lose all his limbs than seeing him seriously hurt, but I hate how harsh he is on him. No amount of gifts he can give him will make me change my mind on that. I spent my life hating how my parents and family treated me harshly, threatening me whenever I did something bad or when they wanted me to do good at something. Jiang Cheng, with the way he treats Jin Ling, reminds me of that. I know that he cares, but that behavior is something I hate to the core. I hate feeling threatened, I hate the dread that washes over me when I'm expected to do something for my family, and it's the same feeling I get when I watch Jiang Cheng interact with Jin Ling. Even if I know that he would never actually harm him, I hate it.

He did an incredible job raising Jin Ling, but at the same time his method of education is one of the worsts.

I really wang Jiang Cheng to finally feel better with himself. He's too bitter and angry, and I tend to dislike people that are like him. I've met my fair share of them in real life, and they always make me uncomfortable.

He deserves to feel at peace, knowing that he's his own person. I didn't like his reaction upon discovering the golden core was Wei Wuxian's also because it felt like Jiang Cheng started questioning everything about himself all over again.

Please, guys, check this post I’ve written thanks to an ask about the following statement, before reading what I deleted here. Turns out I forgot something a bit TOO important and I corrected my opinion.

To conclude, please don't yell at me for having this opinion, and please let's avoid all the wrong discourse of Jiang Cheng being also somewhat of a homophobic. I used to see this come up a lot in discussions about his characters (now a lot less, but I'm also less invested in everything mdzs now because I prefer tgcf), and it's so wrong. If anything, he's bitter because not only he lost Wei Wuxian because of his own mistakes, but because someone who's basically a newcomer (compared to the years Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian spent together) managed to deepen the rift between them.

There's a lot of things I don't like about Jiang Cheng, but even I draw the line at people calling him homophobic.

#off topic #mdzs #the untamed #don't yell at me #you can have your own opinion #i'll respect it

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golbrocklovely · 4 years ago

Text

the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter fourteen

A/N: sorry this took a long time to make. work has been kicking my ass recently and i’ve had like no time off. i finally get one after today so that’ll be nice. i’ll try to write more when i can. thank you to everyone that was so sweet when i came back, yall are seriously the best. as a treat, a special something finally happens in this chapter. alrighty, enjoy and lmk what you think !!

story description

taglist: @far-to-many-bands , @idfk-tbh-oops , @muted-mayham , @ughwhyislifesohard , @justtanerd , @ashyoungxblood , @cmburgos

trigger warning: cursing, angst, mentions of a massacre, surprise ending 👀

word count: 2385

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, this is what you guys do when you have a day off? Lounge around and be lazy?” Tara huffed.

I glanced at all of us quickly. Sam and Kat were cuddled up on the end of the couch I was laying on. Jake was on the other, sprawled out, and Colby sat on top, his feet digging into the cushion where Jake laid his legs.

“What would you like us to do Tara?” Colby deadpanned.

“Well, I'm thirsty.” Tara turned to Jake, “Jakey, could you get me something from the fridge?”

“Get it yourself.” Jake mumbled, scrolling through his phone.

Tara barked. “Jake. Get me a blood bag and some vodka. I want to have a party.”

“You know if you're so thirsty, you could just drink from me.” Jake dared, getting up from the couch.

“No thanks. I'd rather drink from Sam than you. No offense, Kat.” Tara sassed, crossing her arms.

Kat shrugged. “None taken.”

“But Tara… that's not how it played out the last time.” Jake sang, smirking.

Tara punched Jake in the shoulder hard, all of us busting out laughing. Jake winced as he stumbled into the kitchen, digging in the fridge.

“Tara, you do realize it's only 3 in the afternoon. Ain't it a bit early to be drinking?” Colby stated.

“No. I'm just... pregaming.” Tara smiled innocently, sitting down where Jake had been.

Mike and Kevin busted through the door suddenly, slamming it shut and locking it hastily.

“Woah, where's the fire?” Sam broke in, sitting up with Kat in his arms.

“Go lock up the windows, Mike. I don't want there to be any way in.” Kevin motioned. Mike nodded his head, rushing to the windows.

“What's the problem?” Jake questioned.

“We just got word from a very reliable source that an elder is coming to LA.” Kevin informed.

“Are you sure it's not just Tara?” Sam asked.

Mike shook his head. “No one knows about her being an elder, so it can't be her.”

“How do you know your sources are telling the truth?” Sam slid out of Kat’s hold, standing up.

“Apparently, he already flew in a couple days ago. Some of our boys down at the airport saw him.” Kevin replied.

“Who?” Jake requested.

Kevin’s voice darkened. “It’s Rinaldi.”

I could feel everyone’s body stiffen at the name. Not a single breath was taken.

Tara’s eyes bore at the floor. “Well, I've just lost my appetite.”

“Wait, who's Rinaldi?” I puzzled, looking around at everyone.

Colby answered. “He's one of the most powerful elders. He was like the second or third vampire ever turned.”

Jake agreed. “He's fucking terrifying, bro. I heard if his eyes land on yours, he could make your head explode, spontaneous combustion style.”

“I'm surprised you know those words, Jake.” Tara joked, her voice remaining monotone.

“Okay, so he's a big deal. But why would he come here?” I doubted.

“Who knows? All I know is that him being even remotely near us isn't good news. So, we gotta take extra precaution. So Jade-” Sam began.

I held my hand up, finishing his sentence. “’Stay here for a while’…I might as well keep a bag here.”

“Or you could start paying rent.” Mike retorted calmly.

Colby scowled. “Me and Sam don't even pay rent.”

I rolled my eyes at Mike, turning back to everyone. “I know this might be a dumb question, but besides the fact that he is super strong, why is everyone scared of him?”

Mike sneered. “Tara. Do you have something to tell the class?”

“Fuck you, Mike.” Tara hissed.

“What is it, Tara? Do you know something?” I uttered, my voice weakening from my nerves.

Tara exhaled, her eyes on me. “Rinaldi is one of the worst vampires I know. He's the reason why the vampire population is so small.”

I furrowed my brow. “How does that make sense?”

“Back in 1872, he told a bunch of us elders that we should make a council, something to police the growing vampire population. He believed that a lot of vampires at the time were starting to get restless and wanted to come out to the public. The world was changing so fast, so they thought most people might be okay with vampires,” Tara chuckled sarcastically, her tongue clicking against her teeth. “I was against the council, mostly because I don't like running in groups and I hate authority. But also because that's not how most vampires felt. A lot wanted to stay hidden. But he made it very apparent that wasn't the case. So, the council was created. And by the summer of that year, the massacre happened.”

“A massacre?” I whispered, surprised.

“Rinaldi was working both sides. For some reason while creating the council, he was telling all the younger vampires that we elders were coming to attack them, take away their rights and kill them. He came at them as an elder against the council, when he was the whole reason it was a thing in the first place. The spirits are the ones who told me all of this, and I had warned that council that a war was gonna begin. They all laughed me off and told me I was lying. When the battle took place, so many vampires died, both elders and young. Our population went from over a thousand down all the way to a hundred. And of course, Rinaldi survived.” Tara fumed, her hands clenching harder with each word.

I gulped. “Holy shit.”

“After the massacre, every vampire that was left disappeared, moved away from each other. That way no one could attack them or know who they were. It wasn't until a hundred years later that the vampires that were still alive decided to start turning humans again.” Tara finished, relaxing her back against the couch.

Kevin nodded, crossing his arms. “I remember. It was a long time before I ever saw a vampire. I didn't even meet Mike until, what? 1982?”

My eyes widen. “Wait, Kevin, you were alive during the vampire massacre?”

“I fought in it. Or, was forced to. I was turned a year before the massacre.” Kevin recalled.

“And you two?” I glanced at Kat and Mike.

“Not until after. 1974.” Mike responded.

Kat chimed. “1983.”

Sam commented. “I'm dating a cougar.”

“Shut up.” Kat smacked his leg, a smile rising to his face.

“So that's why Rinaldi is terrifying. If he's here for some reason, it's not good. We have to be safe and stay as far away from him as we can.” Tara cautioned.

~ \/ \/ ~

After the lovely news of Rinaldi, I decided to take a nap before work, especially since now I was staying over the Trapp Haus longer than expected. When I finally woke up, I could hear the thumping of the club downstairs, but the rest of the apartment was silent. I slowly stumbled out of Sam's room, opening the door to the empty living space. The lights were dim, no one around.

“Hello? Anyone here?” I called out.

The continuous music from downstairs was the only response. I stared over at Colby's door, wondering if he was inside. I trudged over to his door, taking a deep breath.

“Colby?” I muttered.

Silence. I knocked three times, the door creaking open with the force of my hand.

I've never been inside his room before...

I flicked on the light, looking around at the unusual space. His room was a little messy, but nothing too crazy. His bed sheets and curtains were a dark black, his walls a deep shade of blue. A couple water bottles rested on his nightstand. His laptop sat haphazardly on his floor near his bed. His closet door was ajarred, clothes spilling out onto the floor.

“What are you doing in my room?”

I gasped, turning around to see Colby. His body was slightly tense, his eyes matching.

“Shit, sorry. I-I woke up and thought maybe you were in your room since no one was around.” I stuttered.

“I was downstairs helping Kevin get rid of an overly excited patron.” He revealed.

“Where's everyone else?” I queried, my arms crossing uncomfortably under his gaze.

“Sam and Jake are doing some research for a hunt. Kevin and Mike are downstairs, and Kat and Tara are out partying at Bloody.” He explained.

I bit my lip. “And you're here.”

“Someone has to protect you.” He remarked dryly, walking into the kitchen.

“Sorry.” I murmured.

“About what?” Colby glowered, leaning against the counter.

My eyes fell from his for a moment. “I mean, it's obvious that you don't want to be here... with me.”

Colby’s eyes softened as he fell silent, his hands holding the counter tight.

I turned to go back to Sam's room, only to be stopped by Colby's voice.

“That's not true. I like... having you around.” He interjected, “You have to know that.”

I exhaled, turning to face him again. I could feel my heart bang in my chest.

“You know, the other day there was this guy at my work, and he looked really sad. He and I got to talking and he asked me if I ever wanted something badly. Not something crazy hard to get, but something that's just out of my reach.” I stepped towards Colby, “And all I could think about was... you.”

Colby objected. “You shouldn't.”

“What? I shouldn't what?” I echoed.

“Think of me like that.” He shook his head.

“Why?” I demanded.

“Because I'm a monster. Do you know how easy it would be for me to lose control and kill you?” Colby threatened, closing the gap between us and getting in my face.

“You haven't done it before.” I argued.

Colby backed away at my words. “Yeah, but there's no guarantee that it won't happen. Plus, besides the fact that I crave your blood all the fucking time, I'm... a lost cause, Jade.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” I snapped, my hands resting on my hips.

“Whatever you think a relationship needs to have, you're not gonna get it from me. I'm damaged as hell. I trust little to no one. The kindness and love you deserve won't come from me. And you don't need something like that.” He scoffed.

“Then we take it slow, Colby. We don't have to fall headfirst into this. We can take our time. There is no time limit on this.” I ignored the aching memory in the back of my mind of Tara's reading.

“What makes you think I want to be with you anyway?” He jeered, his gaze pointing daggers at mine.

I growled. “Don't do that.”

“Do what?” Colby grunted.

“Try to be mean so you can push me away. I'm done walking on eggshells around you, Colby!” I exclaimed.

He groaned, racing to his room. “I-I can't do this right now.”

“I want you.”

He stopped abruptly, the muscles on his back tight.

“I want you, Colby. Even though you don't trust anyone, even though you could kill me. I still want you. I'm not gonna pretend I don't anymore.” I confessed.

He slowly spun around to look at me, his body rigid, eyes glaring.

“So, decide. Right now. Because I'm not gonna wait around forever.” I warned.

Colby bit his lips, staring at the ceiling. His hands twitched as he slid them across his face.

“I know you didn't lie that night we almost kissed. You're the one that said you wanted me close.” My voice fell to a whisper.

I could feel my face flush, my palms damp with moisture. I shuddered a breath as Colby looked into my eyes.

“You're right.”

He sighed deeply, shaking his head with a crooked smile.

“Fuck it.”

Colby raced up to me, smashing his lips onto mine as he thrusted me against his body. I immediately relaxed into him, my fingers finding their way into his hair to pull on his locks. I moaned against his lips as he picked me up easily, my legs wrapping around his waist. His hands gripped my thighs, bringing me over to the couch and placing us down. I straddled his lap, deepening the kiss as my tongue glided into his mouth.

He ripped his lips away, slamming them back down onto my neck. He kissed the hollow of my throat, his teeth scraping the skin, causing me to whimper in pleasure.

Colby pulled away suddenly, his breath coming out ragged as his hands clenched my waist hard. My eyes landed on his face, and a small gasp left my mouth. His crimson eyes stared back at me, dark black veins pulsing from under his eyes, his fangs protruding from his gums.

He stammered. “I-I'm sorry, I-I need to-”

“It's okay, Colby.”

I gently raised my hand to his face, watching for any sign of disapproval. My middle finger lightly traced the veins under his eyes, feeling them throb under my touch. Colby closed his eyes tight, allowing me to keep touching. His breaths slowed down, the veins disappearing. When he opened his eyes with an inhale, his eyes had returned to their intoxicating blue.

“Are you okay?” I asked quietly.

He nodded. “Yeah, I'm alright now.”

I leaned in and pecked his lips, breaking away only to see his reaction. He smiled lightly, his dimples surfacing sweetly.

My phone ringing broke me out of our trance. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and picked it up, noticing the time and who was calling.

I grumbled to Colby. “Shit, it's my boss.”

“Hey, sorry I'm-” I started.

Roger interrupted. “No need to come in now. One of our bathrooms overflowed and the whole place is flooded. It's gonna take a couple days to get fixed so, I'll see you next week at some point.”

“Oh, okay. See you then, Roger.” I hung up the phone, my eyes landing on Colby’s. “So, work’s cancelled for a while.”

“Well that's good.” He smirked.

“Why?” I questioned.

“Because then we can focus on more of this.”

Colby leaned in quickly, capturing my lips in a romantic kiss, instantly taking my breath away. I smiled against his lips, wrapping my arms around him again.

But even with my attention on Colby, my mind drifted back to Tara's words.

Please let her be wrong…

<< CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 15 >>

#colby brock #colby brock vampire #vampire #colby brock x oc #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock fic #colby brock fanfic #colby brock angst #the chosen daughter #colby brock story

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bellamyblake · 5 years ago

Note

major whump prompt if you're still taking. clarke finding out what happened in the cave in 3x10 and taking care of bellamy (soft bellarke is galaxy heart)

Okay, this got kind of long (3k) and I am not sure it’s as soft as it is…painful. But I hope also a little soft? Also it got very anti O.ctavia so please if you don’t want to read about that, don’t even start this.

Also I later realized this could be seen as a ‘before’ fic to the one I posted recently about him being punished from the council after the whole Pike thing.

Hope you won’t hate it, nonnie.

She finds them all back in the cave after Pike had been already arrested and taken by the grounders.

They were taking a day to regroup and gather their strength before returning to camp when she stumbles upon them using the radio that her mom gave her back at Polis as a precaution and Kane miraculously answers her, directing her towards the right place.

She’s surprised to find Bellamy there too but what takes her aback even more is that he’s chained and his face is beaten to a pulp.

There are cuts oozing from every part of him-his cheeks, his chin, his nose was certainly broken judging by the way it was so awfully crooked, there was even a gash on his forehead and his entire face was swollen and bruised.

It took her a minute outside with Miller to find out what has happened-the gruesome way Lincoln was killed by Pike and how when they came back with Octavia, Kane and Sinclair she beat the shit out of Bellamy.

And he let her.

“You didn’t stop her?” Clarke snaps at him “You didn’t think she’s only doing this to pour her anger out at him even though from what you’re telling me, he tried to help her before head and she chained him in a fucking cave?”

“We did try to stop her! You don’t understand, she pushed us away-”

“You outnumber her, you could’ve easily overpowered her.”

“Kane tried, so did I, but Bellamy, he wouldn’t let us help. He told us this is between them and we should just let her….do it.”

“Of course he’d tell you that, can’t you see what happened? He wanted her to take it out on him because he felt guilty.”

“Yeah and I know you care about him Clarke, but he is.” Kane joins in on their conversation probably upon hearing the commotion outside. His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s staring ahead angrily.

“But he is guilty.” she shivers at that and throws her arms in the air frustrated “If he hadn’t helped Pike-”

“He did it because he believed it was the right thing. That doesn’t mean you could let his sister beat the crap out of him while you idly stand by and watch her!”

“We couldn’t stop her, she’s strong, you know that.”

“Bullshit! You’re telling me you, Sinclair, Miller and Harper, who are guards by the way couldn’t overpower one girl?” she stands before him and comes so close they are breathing in each other’s faces.

Kane’s face falls with guilt if even for a moment. Maybe she should take that as a win but she’s just so pissed off that she can’t.

“Or maybe that’s just it…you didn’t want to stop her. You wanted to punish him.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why is he still chained?”

“Because he is the enemy!” Kane yells back and that makes her laugh bitterly.

“To who? Pike’s gone, the camp is back in your and mom’s hands. You can become a chancellor now legally if we count all the votes from the last election, so what can one broken beaten up to a pulp boy with PTSD do?” she corners him.

“You haven’t been here, Clarke. You don’t know who he is.” Miller adds in a weak attempt to back Kane who opens his mouth to add something else but Clarke interrupts him

“That’s not true. I’m the only one who ever knew the kind of man Bellamy is and who he can be.”

“Clarke-”

“And that’s not the monster you’re making him out to be. Yes, he made a mistake but did he try to save Lincoln? Was he not the person who helped you catch Pike?”

Kane runs his hand through his curls and sighs.

“He is.”

“Then untie him.”

“No!” the older man cuts her off and by the way he says it she knows he won’t cave now “He might’ve tried to redeem himself but he still supported Pike’s coup and he still went out there and massacred an army. He has to pay for what he’s done.”

“So what? You’ll drag him back to camp and put him in a cell until you figure out what to do with him.”

“I think judging by his condition and his sister’s behavior that would be the best for us all.”

“You mean so you don’t have to feel guilty if she beats the shit out of him again while you stand by and watch.”

“Clarke-”

“I’m through with you, Kane.” she huffs out “If you won’t untie him, let me at least treat his wounds.”

Kane sighs but relents and gives her a light nod. She’s about to move away and head to the cave when he grabs her elbow and pulls her back.

“Don’t spend all our bandages on him. We don’t have enough as it is.” that gets her even more angry.

Apparently, they may have left the Ark, but the Ark’s rules haven’t abandoned them and their way of behaving.

One life still mattered more than another and Bellamy’s hasn’t mean much to the council back in the sky either.

Obviously, no matter what he’s done to save the kids or help the camp, wasn’t enough to make him worth fighting for.

Well, not to her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll use my things.”

“And, Clarke-” Kane tightly wraps his fingers around her arm once more, as if desperate to reiterate his thoughts “He’s dangerous, so be careful.”

“No, he’s not!” she pulls her hand away “You are.”

With that she rushes back in and looks for her bags, searching for the clean patch of bandages she had and the satchels of herbs and seaweed paste that she’ll need.

Octavia’s by the fire, angrily staring at it while dragging her knife through a stick, trying to sharpen it for whatever reason, probably just to find something to pour some of her desperation onto.

Clarke wants to feel bad for her, she does, but one glance at Bellamy who stood curled up on his own in the corner with his back to them, made her fume with anger.

“You don’t care to check how your brother is?” Clarke can’t help but ask. That makes Octavia tense if just for a second before she spits out.

“What brother?” loud enough so that Bellamy can hear her.

Clarke sees him shivering when she approaches him far away from the others so that they have some privacy but still not really separated from them.

She circles around and kneels beside him putting out her things.

“Hey.” she greets him and when he looks up from where his head is buried in his knees and meets her eyes, she wants to cry.

She’s seen him in pain before.

But she’s never seen him that broken.

Not back in the forest during their day trip, not even after the mountain.

There was nothing but sadness and complete and utter devastation but also…guilt.

There was this glimmer of self-hatred that burned brighter than the fire his sister was sitting by, stronger than her own anger.

He’s shivering and badly, she has no idea how long they’ve left him out here for but he must’ve slept curled up on his own and away from the fire for more than one day if what Miller told her was true.

“I need to clean your face, okay?”

“Why?” he asks after a beat when she’s dabbing some clean rags in water, deciding to start wiping the blood away first so she could deal with all the cuts.

“Because they’ll get infected if they aren’t already.”

He reaches to touch her hand but something makes him change his mind and all he ends up doing is let his fingers graze hers for a brief moment that feel like shock lashes against her skin.

“Why?” he asks once more, this time eyebrows furrowed in confusion, lips tightly pressed against one another.

She notices some bruises around his neck too.

Did she try to choke him as well or was that a result of another injury?

Clarke reaches out and takes his hand in hers.

“Because it’s you and me.” she says fervently “Always.” his eyes fill with tears and he looks away, ashamed of having been offered something he doesn’t think he deserves.

If he wasn’t that hurt, she’d kick his ass and force him to say that he matters despite what the world thinks, but maybe in another time, a few weeks or months down the road, she can convince him of it.

“Now please sit back and lean on the rock so I can take a look at your face.”

He complies. It’s a little hard with his hands chained to the right, he can’t fully turn over so she can use the light of the fire to inspect the wounds because the chains are twisting his hands back in another direction.

Still he manages somehow and she asks him to close his eyes which proves to be the right move when he has to suck in her own breath and try to keep it together once she starts cleaning all the blood and grime away from him.

Once she has, she can’t tell what is where-his cheeks are maimed by long crescent cuts, his freckles that she used to get lost into, can’t be made out between all the bruises and the blood.

Some of them are already infected, oozing yellow. Some start to bleed again when she tries cleaning them and ends up staining his face again which frustrates her.

She’s so lost in her work and anger that she misses the fact that he’s scared shitless of having her there.

It takes her a moment to realize his breaths come out short and panicked that he’s basically heaving and he’s bawled his chained hands into fists to try and keep it together.

He’s scared of her touch because the last time someone touched him, they beat the crap out of him and it wasn’t someone he didn’t know, it wasn’t a grounder who wanted revenge or a soldier he had to fight….it was his own sister.

Someone he trusted and loved.

Clarke was someone he trusted too.

But that didn’t mean he was safe. Or so his brain told him.

Fuck, Clarke thought, stopping her actions for a moment and dropping the rag she was holding to cup his cheek.

“Hey.” she calls him again but he doesn’t open his eyes at that, on the contrary, he just squeezes them harder. “Bellamy, look at me.”

“I…can’t.”

“It’s me. I won’t do anything to you okay? I just want to help. You don’t have to be scared.”

He shakes his head in her hands and she relents as her own tears gather in her eyes.

He must be reliving it all, that exact moment where Octavia rushed in here and started beating him.

“I can’t.” he utters through teeth and she rubs her thumbs under his eyes soothingly just when another cut decides to reopen and stain her fingers and his cheek red.

It’s like whenever you touched him, he bled pain and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop it.

She couldn’t prevent the sadness from spilling out of him, covering every inch of his body.

“That’s okay. It’s fine, just breathe with me alright? Let’s do it together.” she asks and he tries to comply but she notices that when he tries to take a deep breath…he literally can’t.

His chest heaves, as if it jumps with pain and he sucks in a short one before letting out, all the while wincing at the motion.

“It hurts.” he manages in a whisper and she realizes why it does.

Her hand falls to the hem of his shirt and pulls it up only to reveal his blue and purple ribs.

Octavia didn’t just hit his face.

She kicked him too.

Damn it.

He shivers when her fingers graze over the tender spot and she finds his skin ice cold.

So he wasn’t shivering just because he was having a panic attack then. He was literally freezing.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I know it hurts, I just need to find out how bad it is, okay?” he nods, eyes still closed as she treads her fingers over his strong but really bruised side.

“I need you to take a few deep breaths for me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah…yeah.” he promises with a weak smile and complies. When she’s done she drops his shirt back and pulls his jacket tightly around him though it’d do nothing to warm him up.

“You have one broken rib. The others are bruised.” she informs him as she goes back to fixing his face trying to tame her anger from finding how wrecked his body really was after Octavia raised her hand on him.

He opens his eyes to meet hers when she gets back on cleaning them up and when he does, there are still tears there though she doesn’t know if it’s from the physical or emotional pain.

At some point after she fixes his broken nose as best as she can, she notices him swallowing painfully and opening his mouth to help his breathing but not before leaning back on the wall.

She decides to give him a moment of rest before she resumes her work.

“Are you thirsty?” he looks down at the ground and doesn’t say anything but gives her a simple shrug.

She reaches for her water satchel and helps him move his head up and take a few sips eagerly.

“When was the last time they gave you water?”

He shrugs again and stares at her hands before she moves to give him some more. He drowns it down eagerly and stops himself before he finishes it off, probably worried she’ll need it too.

She presses it back to his lips.

“I have enough, I promise.”

“It’s okay” he mumbles and she doesn’t want to fight him on it so she just kneels and picks up some dry apples and fruit from her bag.

“Have you eaten anything?” he shakes his head at that, still staring at his hands.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Have they not given you food?” she raises her voice and the talk around the fire where everyone else have gathered again quiets down at her anger.

Clarke ignores them but he doesn’t-his eyes slide to the place where his sister sits, now half turned to him, eyes shooting daggers.

He looks away before meeting Clarke’s eyes once more.

“Clarke…don’t.” he begs and she sighs realizing that this is only making it worse for him so instead she moves to his left, so that her back is shielding him from other prying eyes and pushes some apple in his hands.

“Eat.” she orders.

“You won’t let me get away with it, will you?” he asks quietly and its her turn to shake her head.

“No.” he smiles sadly and brings his tied hands up to his mouth, munching down on the pieces she gave him while she takes out more bandages to use later to wrap around his ribs as well as some sea weed paste.

After, she digs out a small piece of bread and he tries to fight her on taking it so to make him eat even a bit, she splits it in two and they share it.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks again “I killed Lincoln.”

“No you didn’t.” she cuts him off “And I told you why already.”

“Not directly but I-” he continues ignoring the last part of her statement.

“I don’t give a damn what you did, Bellamy, you shouldn’t be tied to a cave and beaten up like a pulp no matter what happened. You made a mistake and you tried to fix it, you helped us catch Pike, you tried to save Lincoln. What your sister did is not what you deserve.”

“But it is.” he says sadly.

“He’s right.” Octavia chimes in from the fire obviously having been eavesdropping on their conversation “In fact, he deserves to die. It’s too bad I can’t kill him.”

Clarke turns back to her, moving closer to Bellamy so that she keeps shielding him from the others.

“Shut up, Octavia.”

“He doesn’t get to play the martyr, not after what he did.” she raises her voice and when Clarke looks back at him, she can see he’s squeezing his eyes again and shivering badly.

Another attack.

Clarke reaches for his face again, cupping his cheeks as painful as that might’ve been for him.

“Don’t listen to her. Focus on me, okay?” she begs of him and he tries to control his breathing while Octavia keeps raging behind them, chopping branches and throwing them in the fire with fever.

Clarke wondered what would happen if she wasn’t there.

Would she beat him up again?

A beat. And then another thought shakes her to the core.

Had she laid her hand on him after that first fight?

“Hey, here, you can help me-” she decides to give him something to do and what better way to make him focus on something that convince him it could help someone else. “Hold the clean bandages for me alright? You’ll assist me.”

He nods but his eyes keep moving somewhere behind her, watching his sister. He shivers whenever she picks a branch.

“Look at me, Bellamy. Me, okay?” she says, taking his chin and forcing his eyes back on her. “You and I, we’re the only people in this cave, okay? There’s no one else.”

With trembling fingers he helps her pass over the things she needs to finish cleaning his cuts all the while Octavia doesn’t shut up behind them and no one else says anything.

Suddenly, Clarke can so clearly picture them all standing quietly behind while she beat him up to a pulp.

“The one good thing I had going and you had to go out there and fuck it up. You just couldn’t take it, could you? But then again you’ve always been selfish, ever since you were a kid.”

That’s the tip of the glass for her and Clarke drops the gauze she’s holding before turning around and striding to Octavia.

She grabs her by the collar and fists her jacket in her hands. Octavia tries to fight her, push her away but Clarke’s strong and the others, Miller, Kane, Harper, they all jump from their seats.

“Now they do.” Clarke thinks and it makes her even more angry.

She shakes Octavia a bit before speaking up slowly and quietly.

“I’ve had enough of you. You either shut up right now and take your anger outside or-”

“Or what?” Octavia smiles at her “What will you do, Wanheda?”

“Don’t tempt me!” she hisses in her face and makes sure Octavia looks into her eyes and sees exactly how much she means what she just said.

“You beat your own brother up, I won’t hesitate to bring it to justice.”

She lets go of her and thinks that Octavia will actually try and fight her but instead she just stands there and breathes heavily, contemplating on what to do.

“She’s right, Octavia. Take a walk.” Kane joins in but it’s another minute before the younger Blake finally huffs annoyed and strides outside with her sword strapped to her back.

Clarke turns around and throws them all a look of disgust.

“Wasn’t so hard now, was it?” and that makes them all look down ashamed.

Good, Clarke thinks. They should be ashamed.

She goes back to Bellamy who’s started shivering worse since she left him but she simply cups his cheek and gives him a soft smile.

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m almost done and then you can rest, okay?” he doesn’t nod or say anything back but he calms down when she goes back to patching up his cuts.

After, she moves to his ribs which are a little harder to fix when his wrists are tied up together.

She tries to make Kane take them off but he won’t hear a word about it, so she works around that as best as she can.

Finally, she moves to his wrists that are also bleeding from him struggling against the chains for so long.

They’re ugly and infected and he tries very hard not to cry out when she cleans them up.

She can sense it’s a lot for him but he takes it, he takes on the pain because he thinks he deserves it.

She can’t wrap them up, not with the chains still there, but at least she cleans them.

When she’s done, she takes out the two blankets she was carrying with herself and throws one over his back before sitting next to him and putting the other over their legs.

“What are you doing?” he asks in a whisper. “You’ll freeze out here. Go back to the fire.”

“No.”

“Clarke-”

“I said no, Bellamy, so don’t even try it.” she presses her arm against his and adjusts the blanket.

He’s breathing heavily next to her, his arms tied up between his hands. He could never lay down and actually sleep, the chains prevented him from that, but she’d make sure he wasn’t going to die out of exposure.

It takes them a moment to find the most comfortable position and they slump against each other before Clarke closes her eyes and drifts off.

She wakes up hours later from his shaking and his quiet frantic mumbling.

It takes her a moment to realize he’s having a nightmare, begging his sister for forgiveness.

She touches his face and finds it burning, curses quietly and tries to wake him but even when his eyes snap open, there’s no recognition in them.

She moves closer to him and pulls his head to her chest so that he’s half lying on her chest while his arms were being pulled in the opposite direction.

It wasn’t comfortable but it seemed to somewhat help him.

Her hands roam all over his face and hair. She swipes the curls away from his sweaty burning forehead and helps him take a few sips of water while he keeps shivering in her arms.

At some point he looks up at her and mumbles through trembling lips.

“What…happened to us…Clarke?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know, Bell.”

“Why is there so much pain?”

The tears gather in her eyes and spill before she can stop them.

“I don’t know.” her own voice breaks as she repeats her previous answer and leans closer to his face, kissing his forehead gently.

He finds her hand with his tied ones and holds it between his big cold fingers, squeezing it tight for a brief moment.

Bellamy never used to be cold.

“Want to know a secret?” he asks looking up at her “Sometimes I wish I died in that mountain.”

She runs his fingers through his curls and closes her eyes as she feels her own tears spill down her cheeks before she speaks up her own honest truth.

“So do I.”

In the morning when the others wake her up with their chatter, she looks down and finds her hands still cupping his cheeks, except now they’re covered in blood from all the cuts he reopened when he tossed and turned in his sleep and she has to bite her lips to prevent herself from crying again.

She picks up another clean rag and dabs it in water and moonshine, cleaning up her fingers and then pressing it to his face.

No matter what, she decides, she’ll never get tired of doing that.

#bellarke fanfiction #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellarke fic #angst #hurt/comfort #canon divergence #post 310 #anti o.ctavia #im sorry for that #it's just how the situation goes #i hope you like it nonnie #my writing

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anyonghalimaw · 4 years ago

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HI VIC ive been into horror for a while like u and i just have to ask what ur favorite horror movies are... like top 3 or top 5 if ur willing to give... ! if ur feeling up for it u can explain why u like them! but mostly i just wanna know them !! :P

ohym god oh myf uckging od thankyou folr asking me this i feel like im gonna EXPLDODE I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING SHIT TO SAY OH MY GOD

1) TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

ITS JUST SUCH A FUN EXPERIENCE LIKE I ADMIRE THAT TOBE HOOPER WANTED 2 MAKE SMTH DIFFERENT FROM THE ORIGINAL AND HE FUCKIGNSUCCEEDED !!!!! the opening with the goddamn oingo boingo in the bg while leatherface is literally in the back of a pickup using his brothers corpse as a costume while chainsawing into some assholes car is SO FUCKING ICONIC 4 ME ?? IT SETS THE TONE OF THE MOVIE PERFECTLY LLIKE WE GOT THE 80S EXCESS WE GOT THE FUN SHIT WE GOT THE EXCESSIVE GORE ITS JUST SO BATSHIT!!!! ITS SO FUN AND I LOVE IT. im fucking hyperfixating on it like crazy i just love everything abtout IT. the fac tthat bill moseley got cast after tobe hooper saw him in a tcm parody? the fact that lefty LITERALLY GETS INTO A FUCKING CHAINSAW DUEL WITH LEATHERFACE? LEATHERFACE NOT KNOWING HOW TO PROCESS FEELING THINGS OVER A GIRL AND ELECTING TO JUST FUCKING FLAIL THE CHAINSAW AROUND? LEFTY CRSAHING THE CHAINSAW INTO THAT LOG AND THE SHOP OWNER BEING LIKE 😥? EXQUISITE. FUCKING LOVE IT. ETERNALLY SAD THAT THEY RETCONNED CHOP TOP OUT OF THE FRANCHISE HE WAS ITS SOUL. MY GOD.

2) US

MY FUCKIN LORD THIS MOVIE! THE EVERYTHING! lupitas amazing fucking performance MY GOD! i know the oscars r just a glorified party for rich people n that they dont define what good cinema is but im still so FUCKING mad that they snubbed lupita of an oscar. FUCK YOU. SHE PLAYED 2 FUCKING LEAD CHARACTERS AND FUCKIGN KILLED IT!!! my god this movie is so effective it literally kept me up at night thinking abt the EVERYTHING. i literally wrote a mini essay on its commentary on class and privilege. what did original addie do that made her deserving of a life above ground that her tethered twin didnt? a lot of ppl dislike the twist but personally i fucking love it coz it emphasizes the fact that i really think both of them were in the right in certain ways. orig addie was taking her life back! tethered aboveground addie was protecting her family!!! THE POINT IS THAT BOTH OF THEM DESERVED BETTER BUT DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES OUT OF THEIR CONTROL, ONLY ONE OF THEM HAD A GOOD LIFE AT THE EXPENSE OF THE OTHER. MY GOD. MY FUCKIG GOD!!! i love you jordan peele

3) SCREAM

i dont even have a good reason i just love treating ghostface like a punching bag hes a fucking twink i could snap him in half with my bare hands dumb fag with the sparkly cloak i want to throw him into a locker then kick the locker off a bridge i could wwe elbow drop him and his sternum would shatter he would die instantly i LOVE EVERYTIME GHOSTFACE GETS BODIED I LITERALLY HAVE A FUCKING COUNTER OF EVERY TIME HE GETS PWNED ITS SO FUNNY ITS UNREAL FREEZER DOOR MOMENCE but the characters r super memorable 2 like sidney is my favorite white girl i love her tatum is fucking great i love that shes NOT FUCKING STUPID i miss her every day and randy is the only blue eye mf i trust i miss him SO fucking bad every day of my life i mourn the fact that he died in scream 2 fuck my life. i love that theres so many red fucking herrings that u genuinely have no fucking idea who ghostface is gonna be and I DONT THINK ANYONE WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE TWO DUDES?? THE REVEAL WAS SO STELLAR i also love stu crying on the phone that hes susceptible 2 peer pressure n that his parents were gonna be mad at him ITS SO FUNNY. i love you wes craven rest in chad peace

heres the ghostface pwn counter btw i forgot to count during scream 2 so thats why its missing but its hilaroius

#THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS OH MY GOD #LITERALLY COULDNT STOP MYSELF FROM WRITING BIGASS PARAGRAPHS #CRAZY SHIT #asks #catboyzenitsu #f slur

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slamsams-blog · 5 years ago

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Tomorrow Never Dies - #24WeeksofBond

Welcome to the 90′s! Pierce Brosnan is fulfilling his duty as James Bond in this action-packed adventure about a media mogul trying to manipulate the world for complete control over Chinese news media. A story with a villain that hits a little too close to home these days with our current political landscape.

As a kid who went through his teenage years in the 90′s - Pierce Brosnan was the absolute man. Until Daniel Craig came along, Brosnan had taken a clear lead in the “Best James Bond Ever” race. I certainly thought that. “Tomorrow Never Dies” was the first Bond movie I saw in the theatres. I went to see it because my friends and I, (and every other video game kid back then) were obsessed with the N64′s first person shooter - “Goldeneye”. One of the best video games in the history of video games.

That game is how I got to know James Bond. So of course when the new Bond movie came out, we were all first in line for a ticket. Ultimately the “Tomorrow Never Dies” video game would come to be an utter disappointment in comparison to its predecessor.

Unfortunately, like the video game, this film kind of gets the same distinction. A bond film that is an utter disappointment compared to its predecessor, 1995′s “Goldeneye”. While that may have been true back then - watching it on its own now, I have to say that this is an extremely under rated Bond film. Just take away your “Goldeneye” colored glasses for a second and judge this movie as a stand alone installment. It is high octane, colorful, and witty with some wonderful over acting...it was the 90′s. That’s how we took our Bond in the 90′s - we wanted our one-liners extra cheesy, our gadgets over the top, and our female characters salacious.

That’s why Brosnan was a perfect fit for this era. He was cool, handsome, & mysterious like Connery, but charming, care-free, and arrogant like Moore. He was the perfect balance. These days, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who thinks Brosnan was the best Bond, because of how we take our action movies now. But back then....Brosnan was the damn bee’s knees.

The plot is that the Chinese and British are being tricked by Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce), and his network of evil henchmen, into thinking that they have attacked one another’s military. Carver is trying to create a world war so that he and his media empire can cover it, creating a monopoly on mass media, and gaining the power of being able to control the news and therefor, control the world. MI6 is given a tight deadline to dig up whatever they can find about a massacre that had taken place on a British Naval fleet in the South China Sea. So Bond has to act quick.

One of the interesting things about this movie (besides Bond’s new biting fetish he has seemed to develop...#Brosnanscharaterchoices) is his past relationship with Elliot Carver’s wife Paris (Teri Hatcher). We hadn’t seen Bond in love since his wedding in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”, so this story line seemed a little out of nowhere. We knew nothing of Paris in any previous movie so trying to believe and invest in this relationship is somewhat of a tough task, but Pierce and Hatcher do the best they can. Would have worked better had they brought a bond girl from a past movie back, but oh well.

The real relationship is developed between Bond and Wai Lin - a Chinese secret agent who has been sent out on the same mission as Bond. Michelle Yeoh is great in this role because she is not the obvious sex appeal pick. She is a driven, kung-fu fighting, cold-hearted killer of a secret agent who becomes sexy because of how bad ass she is. Later in the movie we are treated to a Jackie Chan style fight scene between Wai Lin and a bunch of evil dudes who just cannot measure up. Looking back, she was a wonderful pick for the role, and very much looked over as far as iconic Bond girls in the series.

Jonathan Pryce is intoxicatingly evil, sadistic, and insane in his role as Elliot Carver. His portrayal of this character is over the top, and perfect. And what makes it better is his group of lackeys. You have Stamper, the big German muscle, and Henry Gupta, a techo-terrorist who uses a GPS encoder to manipulate satellites to send the British naval ship off course without them knowing. This encoder is what Bond and Wai Lin are both, unknowingly to each other, trying to get.

I’ve always liked Pryce’s performance as Carver. He makes him look desperate for world wide adoration which makes him susceptible to Bonds foiling. Bond is sent to attend Carver’s big media launch party which sees Carver schmoosing big groups of people with stories about himself. Bond eventually gets sniffed out and taken away to be “taken care of”. But Bond says “nah” and eventually ruins Carvers big night by shutting off his news feed in the middle of his big speech. Humiliated, Carver is now in full on “Bond must die” mode. The switch is made so clear because of Pryce’s performance and there’s a moment toward the end where they show Carver in the moment where he realizes he’s screwed that’s just beautiful and sad.

When you look at the entire Bond collection of movies as a whole, the Brosnan movies tend to have a reputation for being too goofy, outlandish, and out right unrealistic. While that may be true for Brosnan’s two follow-ups, I still think “Tomorrow Never Dies” is one of the better films in the Brosnan series. Keep in mind, the Brosnan series didn’t have the books behind them. The film makers behind the Bond series had exhausted all of Ian Fleming’s novels and now they were forced to just make up Bond stories which probably wasn’t the easiest of tasks.

So while the Brosnan collection may have lacked as far as story and simplicity they made up for in action. Lots of great action scenes in this movie with Bond and Lin, hand-cuffed, co-driving a motorcycle being chased by a helicopter is one of the most iconic vehicle chase scenes in Bond history. And who can ever forget Bond in the back seat of his remote controlled car, using the track pad to drive it to his escape from the bad guys?? This is just solid, 90′s action movie gold.

While “Tomorrow Never Dies” may never be considered one of the best Bond movies, it sure created unforgettable moments which, sometimes, is all you need in a movie franchise as deep as the Bond franchise. With Brosnan at his peak with the character, and the great supporting cast around him - including the great Jodi Dench as M - “Tomorrow Never Dies” deserves another look, and maybe a higher place on some “experts” Bond lists.

That’s all for this week! What did you think? I’ll leave your reviews below...

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

On All Bond films we are amazed by the ingenious gadgets that Bond is introduced to right along with the audience. Amazingly many of the features on his indestructible BMW are now reality, and in some cases, common place. (Voice activation, GPS tracking, remote start, self driving). Another striking aspects of this film is the comparison of Elliot (Jonathan Pryce) and our current maniacal leader. It seems more at home in an action film than in our precious world. I have known and loved Teri Hatcher in Desperate Housewives and what a surprise to see her here. The only other comment I have is that the film is full of outlandish situations as you stated. That’s what Bond is known for but when 007 and Wai-Lin cuffed up together, rode cheek to cheek at high speed, vanquishing all obstacles in their way but could not figure out how to unhook themselves, that was a hoot. Hey and now I know where Tom cruise and Carmen Dias came up with their high speed scooter chase in the tongue-and-cheek version “Day and Knight”. A favorite of mine. I enjoyed the film.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

Licence To Kill

#24WeeksofBond

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creativity-is-rebellion · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Favourite Movies I Have Seen (So Far)

How to Make an American Quilt (1994)

I’m not sure exactly why, but I have always had a thing for intergenerational movies that go back and forth in time, which I think that this movie does superbly. You get to know each of the character’s backstories, and it is also a coming-of-age film where the main protagonist must choose a path and be happy with the one she goes down. This was a film I would watch again and again as a teenager when I was sad (movie marathons were always the cure for my blues back then). More recently, there are other reasons why this movie appeals to me; I can relate to Finn’s thesis-writing (I know it’s frustrating and easy to distract yourself from), and I can also relate with her dilemma in choosing what kind of future she will have. Also, Winona Ryder can do no wrong. Winona forever.

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

Another intergenerational film, I think it does a great job of juxtaposing the difference between parents who immigrate to another country and their children who do not really understand the sacrifices they have made to actually get there, which can cause rifts and divides. It does this specifically with the Chinese culture in mind, which is fascinating in its own right, and quite different to the US, which is where they immigrate to. The daughters who try to understand their mothers are able to bridge the divide when they are able to empathise with where their parents are coming from, by the parents telling them tales of their origins. My favourite character is hands-down Ying-Ying St. Clair, whose backstory is definitely the most tragic. In China, Ying-Ying was happily married to Lin-Xiao (Russell Wong) with a baby boy in China until Lin-Xiao abuses her and abandons her for an opera singer. Overwhelmed by her depression, Ying-Ying begins to dissociate and accidentally drowns their baby son in the bathtub during one of these episodes, which haunts her ever afterwards. Years later, she has emigrated to America and suffers from trauma of her past, worrying her new family, including her daughter Lena. When she is able to get Lena find her voice and to leave her own abusive husband, Harold. I have nothing but love for this film, which breathes life into Amy Tan’s equally beautiful novel. This film adaptation does the novel proud; It’s well-acted, well-told, and simply just heart-warming.

Sinister (2008)

I love myself a good horror movie, and Sinister flips the script by starting out as a crime mystery before going bananas and introducing Mr. Boogie (or Bughuul), a pagan demon who manipulates the lives of children, having them kill their families, until he can consume the child's soul. Ethan Hawke, who both directs and stars in this film, does a phenomenal acting job as washed-up crime author Ellison Oswalt, who moves his family into one of the homes which was the scene of one of the ‘crimes’, where a whole family has been massacred and one child is missing. It isn’t long until he finds a bunch of 8mm tapes in the attic, which represent the equivalent of snuff films, detailing previous family massacres occurring elsewhere. Seriously, some of these 8mm tapes are both difficult but strangely thrilling to watch, due to their haunting quality. It takes him a while before he becomes aware of Bughuul, who he discovers hiding in the corner of one of the tapes, and who he is able to get to know about with the help of a rookie cop and a professor. The ending is also a delicious twist, and indicates the inevitability of not being able to escape evil. Seriously, it’s a must-watch, as it breathes rare new life into the tired horror genre.

Insidious, Chapter One (2010)

Another worthy 21st century horror addition, the Insidious franchise (especially the first film) delivers some great twists, and creates a rich universe way beyond any ordinary haunted house or child-plagued-by-demon trope, by introducing some genuinely scary characters (The Lipstick Demon, Doll Girl, and the Bride in Black, anyone?!), and also introducing The Further, a dark and timeless astral world filled with tortured dead souls and nightmarish spirits. I love the twist that the end of this movie delivers, and also the appropriate jump-scares throughout. It is yet another horror movie that breathes life into a somewhat tired genre. 10/10, I highly recommend this movie, even if The Lipstick Demon looks kinda like Darth Maul, lol.

Reality Bites (1994)

Although it’s kind of aged badly, due to advancing technology, this movie was one of the first to introduce the idea of reality television, whilst also capturing the zeitgeist of Generation X, with it’s rather nihilist message about life after college, and the trials and tribulations of growing up. Some of the characters (especially Lelaina and Troy) are self-indulgent, immature, intellectually snobby and navel-gazing, but you root for Lelaina to succeed because she is played with enough sympathy by the amazing and incomparable Winona Ryder that we believe she deserves better. This is one of the reasons I hate that she ends up with Troy, even if he is the broody bad boy we are all expected to swoon over. Seriously, he treats Lelaina so badly that I just want to punch him in the face. It also has some great side characters, like Vicky, who works at The Gap, but is scared to find a real job, and Sammy, who is gay and afraid that he may have HIV. It is also relatable for me as a Millenial who graduated from university when the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) hit, making it complicated to find a good job, mirroring the recession that these characters graduated into. I love that it talks about pivotal Generation X issues, as well as universal issues that encompass growing up and moving into adulthood. Also, again, Winona forever.

Candyman (1992)

Candyman is a horror film that subverts horror movie expectations whilst still managing to deliver some great scares. Being set in the long-gone notorious Chicago housing projects Cabrini Green, a name synonymous with vice, violence and murder, and a place which instils non-supernatural horror in an individual all on its own, tells the story of thesis student Helen, who is researching urban legends, and through her participants, she learns the story of Candyman, a vengeful rendition of the classic Bloody Mary, who will split you from groin to gullet with his hook for a hand if you say his name five times in the mirror.

The people who recount this legend go on to recount a notorious murder that has taken place recently in Cabrini Green which has been attributed to Candyman, and Helen chooses to investigate the claim. Helen rationalises that the residents of Cabrini Green use the legend of Candy Man to cope with their stressful daily lives. Before visiting Cabrini Green, Helen and her research associate decide to test the theory by saying ‘Candy Man’ five times in a mirror, but nothing happens, at least not yet. In real life, the murder rate in Cabrini Green peaked in 1992, the same year that Candy Man was made. Candy Man himself (played with great aplomb by the legendary Tony Todd) doesn’t show up until around 44 minutes into the movie, but when he does, he steals the show with his dangerous charisma.

In total, Candy Man subverts 3 horror rules: Number one, that you need to have a high body count to keep audiences engaged. By doing so, it stretches out the tension for as long as it can. Number two, there is a Black antagonist. There were some issues addressed by Black critics that this depiction played into some racist stereotypes, such as the idea that Black people need a White saviour, that Black people are especially superstitious, and that Black men prefer to pursue White women. But one could say that Candy Man is more a depiction of the White fears associated with Black poverty, and specifically, White Liberal fears that Black poverty can’t be helped, despite their best efforts. Helen doesn’t mean any harm (some may even call her an ally), yet she dies anyway.

By making the antagonist Black, the film becomes about so much more than just visceral horror, it is about societal, racial and historical horror as well, albeit told from a White perspective. It also plays into the fear that Black people, through no fault of their own, could be killed for no reason at all but panicky neighbours. Finally, number three, this film is more sad than scary; sadness tends to be the most common negative emotion that I experience, so I am drawn to movies that have something to say about it. The only reason Candy Man gives for wanting to kill Helen is that she demystified him, which seems pretty petty and vindictive. She is also supposed to resemble his long-lost love that got him killed in the first place. When Candy Man kills the psychiatrist in the movie, it is literally the only on-screen proof we have that Candy Man isn’t just a figment of Helen’s imagination. Candy Man, like my most favourite horror film, The Shining, begs the question: Are there really supernatural elements at play here, or is the main character simply going insane? Phew, this was more than I planned to write, but I guess this film is complex enough to warrant it. See it for yourself.

Final Destination (2000)

As time wore on, the Final Destination franchise became more well-known for its gruesome deaths (and tired plot) than anything else, but the first addition was a fresh take on the inescapability of death, and the vengance Death Itself may take if you screw with his Design. The first 15 minutes of the film are truly thrilling through the main character Alex’s premonition, and the wait after the gang have been kicked off the airline for the plane to blow up without them on board. Seriously, that scene gave me aerophobia more than any Air Crash Investigation episode. What follows are some truly twisted, macabre domino-like deaths that prove that Death has a wicked, dark sense of humour. That every character in this franchise dies eventually is kind of disappointing, and definitely places Death in this franchise as possibly the most diabolical villain in all of the horror genre (move over, Jason and Michael and Freddy). The mysterious undertaker played with delightful maliciousness again by Tony Todd adds to the mystery of understanding Death’s Design. and the reality that no matter what the survivors do, Death will eventually come for them, really adds to the overall hopelessness and nihilism of the whole situation. The way that the last film of the Final Destination franchise, which is really a prequel to the first film, rounded out the franchise really well, and provided a twist as good as the original film was epic. If you are going to watch any of the films in this franchise, I cannot recommend the first and last film enough.

Now and Then (1996)

I love this film more for the cheesy, feel-good memories of my childhood it gives me. Christina Ricci is also one of my all-time favourite actresses (I absolutely loved her as Wednesday Addams), which just bolsters this movie in my eyes. Thora Birch does a good job as well. But seriously, I can pop this movie on any time and it’ll just make me instantly happy for a simpler era. Even if I wasn’t born in the 60′s or 70′s, there is a lot to relate to about bridging the gaps between childhood and the inevitable teen cross-over. I mean, who didn’t have seances in graveyards with their friends as a 12-year-old girl? No-one?! Just me then. OK. Ahem. I think my favourite character was hands-down Gabby Hoffman’s Sam, who is trying to cope with her parent’s divorce in a town and time when divorce is unheard of. I like that her grown-up character played by Demi Moore is a successful writer, and is also the narrator of the entire movie. If you want to watch a truly feel-good movie that promotes feminist ideals, this movie is for you.

IT: Chapter One (2017)

Since I watched the 1990 TV miniseries in 1992 at the tender age of 7 (my parents never monitored what I watched - which sometimes led to some gnarly nightmares), I have been waiting for a worthy remake. I, like most of the aficionados that watched the miniseries, loved Tim Curry’s rendition of the demonic entity of IT, but weren’t quite happy about the spider ending. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. You may be asking why I haven’t included Chapter Two that came out this year (2019), and the reason is, despite Bill Hader’s wonderful performance as the grown-up Ritchie, a cameo by Stephen King himself, and more screen-time for Bill Skarsgaard’s scary clown, the ending here was also disappointing. IT’s true form just doesn’t seem to translate well onto screen. It was adequate. Meh. Anywho.

IT Chapter One, however, is awesome. Instead of jumping back-and-forth in time like both the mini-series and the book did, it focuses on the well-acted ‘Loser’s Club’ as kids, and is truly scary like this story should be. The bully Henry Bowers is truly sociopathic, and Bill Skarsgaard as IT truly nails the fact that IT is so much more than just a killer clown. The death scene with Georgie at the beginning of the film is quite subversive and daring, as it actually shows you the death of a child in all its gory detail. My verdict? Watch the first with gusto, but do not expect anything great from Part Two. Part Two has to exist for continuity, but the first film outshines the second installment in every way possible.

Lady Bird (2017)

For an Indie sleeper film, this story is fantastic as both a coming-of-age film and a depiction of separating from your parents and becoming your own person. Ladybird’s mum is overprotective, and Ladybird needs to break free, whilst also trying not to cause a permanent rift. She’s a different kind of gal, sensitive, intelligent, artistic, and so not meant for a dead-end small town. Her transition toward independence is extremely relatable to me, as I grew up with an over-bearing, interfering mother myself. Also, it’s set in 2002, the year I graduated, with adds to my feelings of nostalgia. It’s the relatablity of Ladybird that makes it so re-watchable to me. I grew up in a dead-end town, was creative and different to my peers, and went to a fancy private school that I didn’t fit into as well. So Ladybird is a cinematic delight as you see her progress to something more hopeful in the future. A must-watch.

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temptation-narnia-chronicles · 6 years ago

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From Upon the Golden Thrones

Episode 29: To The Bone

Peter sucked in a deep breath as he sat outside brandishing his sword under the stars. He thought of his family and his home, of everything he held dear, when the door swung open and a figure cloaked in darkness approached. “So, I heard you wanted to talk?”

A part of him felt incredibly pissed off that it had taken Bone this long to come and speak with him but now that he was here, the High King was not about to complain. He patted the space next to him, inviting Bone to sit, and surprisingly enough he accepted the offer. Then, leaning back, Captain Bone knocked loudly on the window and summoned Rosalie, requesting a pint of ale and two mugs. She nodded and scurried off to fulfill the request.

“Has she always been this obedient?” Peter asked, eyes locked on his sword. He didn’t expect to sound as harsh as he did but was partially grateful for it. He supposed all the pent up frustration of the day was acting on it’s own accord.

Bone scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Rosalie is of no concern to you” he remarked. “And I’m sure that’s not what you were whingeing on about all day, either.” Peter rolled his eyes, a part of him beginning to regret ever wanting to confide in this man. He seemingly had no respect for anyone, not even his own king. Peter continued brandishing his sword without a word. “I don’t have all night, you know” Bone said. “All this time and now you won’t even tell me what the hell you wanted. Typical.”

“Fine” Peter sighed in exasperation. “I wanted battle advice seeing as how you undermined all of my plans and therefore wasted my day. You made both myself and my men uncertain of what we had previously decided on and now we can’t even decide on an alternative tactic.”

The captain listened with intrigue before chuckling darkly. “And how is that my fault? I simply directed your attention to the flaws in your plan for the sake of your men’s lives. It really bothers you being wrong, doesn’t it?”

“That’s not what this is about!” Peter shouted. “You undermined my authority and made my soldiers question their leader.”

Captain Bone then shrugged and replied, “That’s just politics.” He was really starting to get underneath Peter’s skin, the magnificent groaning and burying his face in his hands. Behind Bone’s mask, he was grinning. “You said you wanted advice on battle tactics, so I have a proposition for you: why not try backing down and returning to that glittery castle on the shore and letting the real men handle a fight of this magnitude.”

It was bad enough when Bone insulted his title, but now his masculinity? Peter was veering closer and closer to the edge of his sanity. “What do you mean ‘real men’? Do you dare to deface my skill? I was knighted by Aslan himself! I fought alongside him in the Battle of Beruna against the White Witch and her armies. I am the High King, dammit! And this is my land, regardless of what you think. I have every right to fight for it’s safety just as you do, if not more.”

“You don’t have a single clue what you’re up against, boy” Bone countered. “You would be better off sticking to what you know, sitting on a fancy throne and kissing babies. Stop trying to be all high and mighty just because you’re a king. You can’t possibly fight a battle that’s too big for you. I don’t care who knighted you, or what your credentials say. Your skill is no longer important. My seniority ought to be enough to make you think twice of your commands, your majesty. You don’t always know best, you know.”

Bone expected the young king to fire back at him, but instead Peter simply paused a moment, shook his head, and chuckled under his breath. There was a hint of sadness in his voice as he muttered, “I’ve missed this.”

The captain froze, unsure if he heard the king correctly. Perhaps it was all just a trick of the ears and he was hallucinating. “What did you say?”

It was then that Peter realized how ridiculous a thing it was that he had said. “It’s nothing” he replied quietly. Then, furrowing his brows, he asked, “Have we met before, Captain Bone? I can’t help but feel like there’s something about you that’s awfully familiar.” He couldn’t put his finger on it before, but now it was clear to him. It was in the man’s words where he found it, memories of a night long ago at Aslan’s camp. The humid night air suffocated him in that tent, his heart pounding out of his chest and the diadems of that necklace digging into his palms. He remembered her face, red and angry. She wanted to know why he wouldn’t let her fight alongside him. I think I at least deserve an explanation as to why you’re treating me like…like some child!, she had shouted. My seniority ought to be enough to make you think twice of your commands, your majesty. I’d be an invaluable asset to Aslan’s army and you know that. Peter remembered how angry he had become, how hard it was for him to just tell her that he loved her. How difficult she always made things. Your skill is no longer important, he fired back. Your disobedience, however, is! Why can’t you just listen to someone other than yourself for once in your life? You don’t always know best, Eilonwy!

Bone studied the magnificent’s face for a moment as Peter dwelled on the past. His question bounced around inside his head, screaming. Have we met before, Captain Bone? The rugged man scoffed and jerked his head so as to face in the opposite direction. “Blasphemous. I wouldn’t dream of associating with the likes of you and your family.”

The defensive tone, the certainty, shut down Peter’s suspicion immediately. Why did he ever think he had known this man once before? The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn’t possibly place him anywhere in the timeline. There was no way. Perhaps he was more of a reminder, a phantasm of the familiar, than a relic of the past. “Perhaps not, then” he replied, but then added quietly, “You really do remind me of her sometimes, though.”

Captain Bone rolled his eyes at the prospect. “I remind you of no one, your majesty. There is no one else quite like me anywhere” he muttered sourly. Somehow, that defiance made him an even stronger reminder of that girl Peter once knew and loved.

A few moments of silence then enveloped the king and this rogue, and in that silence Peter’s mind began to spin. Somehow the grave reminder of his lost lover opened the flood gates he had fought to keep locked for the past year. Now everything was spilling out at a rapid rate and Peter was powerless to stop it. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, but he sucked in a deep breath and asked the question anyway. “Captain Bone, have you ever heard the stories of Princess Eilonwy the Pure?”

Captain Bone scoffed and shook his head. “The name sounds familiar but I don’t waste my time reading history books.”

I should’ve known, Peter thought. “She was the youngest daughter of the last reigning king and queen of Narnia before Jadis took over. Legend had it that she was the sole survivor of the massacre that killed the entire royal family and led to Jadis usurping the throne” he explained. He could tell deep down, Bone was trying to decipher why the young king was telling him all of this, so he then added in a much softer, more sentimental tone, “You remind me of her.”

The moment the sentence spilled from Peter’s lips, he was met with a wide-eyed gaze from the Captain. It was perhaps the most emotion he had seen the rogue elicit thus far, and perhaps the least threatening. He had forgotten that not everyone knew of Eilonwy’s true story, of that wretched curse. Somehow Captain Bone’s presence (or maybe it was just the ethereal atmosphere) made him feel as if he didn’t need to filter himself of fantastical thoughts, but then he reminded himself he was just growing lazy and tired and that Bone was an unforgiving man who certainly did not believe in fairytales.

“I mean, you both have the same ruthless nature” Peter quickly corrected himself. He could feel Bone’s soulless eyes boring holes into him, however, and suddenly Peter decided he didn’t care. He had hardly been honest about Eilonwy during the course of his bereavement and now, knowing he may very well die in the next few days, he no longer cared about restraint. With a sigh, he began explaining everything. He told Bone of his family’s journey from a far off world and the role Eilonwy played in their fight to restore Narnia. He explained the way in which he fell in love with her, this feral warrior of the woods. Bone seemed rather indifferent to the tale, almost bored, until Peter reached the case of Christmas, of the proposal gone wrong. “She disappeared on Christmas Eve night, saying she couldn’t do this any longer. I suppose she felt as if she didn’t really belong there, with me, as if life in Cair Paravel wasn’t meant for her even though it was her true home. I haven’t seen her since. It’s been so long.”

There was a certain brand of pain Peter’s voice that piqued Captain Bone’s interest. If Peter hadn’t known any better, he would even guess that it scared the man, though for whatever reason he was unsure. He turned to the king and looked him dead in the eyes, the eye contact shocking. Peter felt exposed and vulnerable in those moments, like a mouse staring back at a tiger eyeing him as prey. Bone’s voice was softer now than usual, as if any louder volume would shatter the moment, and Peter grew terrified of what he would say next. He feared that Captain Bone was about to reveal a drastic, life-changing secret to the king about love and life and the way of the world, but instead he simply asked, “What did this girl look like again?”

Peter blinked a few times, then rattled off the details: short, no taller than five foot, with wild dark hair reaching her hips, pale skin, thick brows, eyes like the bark on trees, crooked teeth, knotted muscles and sharp bones poking from beneath her skin. Bone watched the young king carefully as he described this girl, the look on his face as he recounted everything about her. It was clear he truly loved her, that the time and distance between them meant nothing in regards to his feelings. As Peter sketched her out in his mind, as vivid as ever, his heart ached and he felt himself fighting back tears. In that moment, nothing else mattered. His hands itched to hold her in his arms again, to be hear her laughter, to brush her hair from her beautiful face. He felt as if his heart was breaking all over again at the mere thought of her.

Bone nodded slowly as he pieced together all the details Peter fed him. And then, after a moment of silence, he muttered, “Yes, yes…I remember her.”

Peter’s ears immediately perked up. Remembers her? How? He stared upon this rogue with wild eyes, gripping his shoulders. “What do you mean you remember her? How? Do you know where she is? Tell me everything, or so help me—”

“Calm down” Bone commanded, shoving Peter off of him. He straightened his dirty leather coat and caught his breath before explaining. Peter would need all his strength for what he was about to hear, anyway. “She trespassed on my property last winter, if I remember correctly. She looked scared and confused and she was bloody defensive, begging for refuge. A complete mess, if I’m going to be honest, after being attacked by a pack of wolves who were once Jadis’s secret police. We guessed they may have been rabid, by the looks of things. I didn’t want a damn thing to do with her. I wanted to let nature take it’s course—survival of the fittest and whatnot. Of course, Rosalie begged to differ and I couldn’t argue with her. We took her in, but she was damaged beyond repair. Rosalie did everything in her power to help her but it was no use. Your friend, Eilonwy, died that night.”

There was no way this was happening. The words rang in Peter’s ears like a haunting, foreign lullaby. Your friend, Eilonwy, died that night. Eilonwy died. His heart was racing and his hands began to shake and he swore he couldn’t breathe. Tears choked him but he refused to let himself cry. None of this was really happening. It couldn’t be. Maybe he had the wrong girl. Maybe this was someone completely different. Maybe his Eilonwy was somehow still out there, alive and well. After all, how much could he really trust this Captain Bone anyway? But then again, how many more like Eilonwy were out there? She was one of a kind, irreplaceable. There was no one else quite like her anywhere, not in this world or his own. It had to be her. Every memory of her flickered through his mind at warp speed, every argument and horrific moment highlighted. He should’ve been kinder to her. He should’ve taken better care of her. He should’ve told her he loved her sooner, and he never should’ve let her run off that night. If he had known that was the last time he would ever see her…

Perhaps the worst part was the way in which she had apparently died. Taken down by a pack of rabid wolves. “What an awful, underwhelming way to go…” he murmured. It sounded so unlike her. It wasn’t like Eilonwy to not fight back, to accept defeat and beg for help. If Eilonwy had to die, he would’ve thought she’d more likely be taken down by a skilled enemy, a noble death in combat where she’d fight until her very last breath. The death of a true warrior.

It was clear that Peter was having an internal crisis, that he was dying inside at the mere thought. More importantly, however, Captain Bone knew that Peter was bargaining with himself over the reality of the subject. Of course he didn’t believe any of this. How could he? Bone didn’t know the true extent of his suffering, but he knew enough to understand that Peter had held onto hope all this time. There was only one way to fully convince Peter of the truth. Captain Bone reached into a pocket and dug around until he pulled out a small scrap of cloth, red on one side and invisible on the other. A piece of Eilonwy’s cloak. “I don’t know what it means to you, but this was all that was left behind of her if you care about it.”

Peter snatched the fabric from the man’s hand and stared at it longingly, rubbing his thumb against the crimson velvet. This was the last bit of her he had left, the last bit of her he would ever get. He remembered the day she got that cloak, when Father Christmas presented them with gifts to prepare for the impending war. He gave her this red cloak and a little box with a scrying stone. He wondered what ever became of that box, and what he would see if he pressed his palm to the stone and willed it to show him whatever he pleased. He wondered if it would show him the truth, if it would replay her death for him cinematically. He didn’t think he wanted to see it. He wanted to remember Eilonwy as he knew her then: unpleasant and determined and earthy but beautiful.

“I know this is hard for you” Captain Bone stated after a long silence, “But I want you to know this isn’t going to make me sympathetic toward your dumbass ideas. This is the past. She’s gone and you can’t change that. I wouldn’t dwell on it if I were you.”

A hard rock of anger lodged itself in Peter’s chest. He set his sword aside and rose from the porch, clenching the fabric in his fist. Without meeting Captain Bone’s eyes, he growled, “I doubt you’ve ever loved anything in your entire life, so I know you won’t understand. But so long as Eilonwy is dead, I’ll never feel alive again.” And with that, he excused himself to the outhouse. Bone watched him for a moment longer, but felt no sympathy or regret. Peter needed to know and if this affected the way he fought in the coming days, then that was his fault. He couldn’t change the past. It was finished. He was granted closure and now it was time for him to move on.

But he couldn’t move on. Not yet. All that time of believing she was out there somewhere, that she would eventually make her way back to him, confess she can’t live without him. Now it was all for nothing. Peter slammed the outhouse door shut and locked it so that no one would know what he was about to do. He was all alone in the dark, tight confinement. The moment he was certain of his solitude, he let himself completely break. All the tears he had held back spilled down his cheeks with monstrous wails, kicking and pounding at the walls with so much force his knuckles began to bleed. He felt like he was trapped in the worst nightmare except there was no way out. He couldn’t just wake up to find everything was alright. This was reality and he hated every second of it. His entire body was trembling and his stomach churned. He leaned over the toilet convinced he was going to be sick. Snot rested on his upper lip and despite the freezing temperatures, sweat beaded on his brow. He clutched that little scrap of fabric all the while, refusing to let go. This was the last shred of her he had left. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to envision her standing before him, every little detail, in the sudden fear that one day she would fade from his memory and she would forget the color of her eyes or the feel of her grip or the taste of her lips or the sound of her voice murmuring she loved him when she was sick and he refused to leave her side. He needed to cling to all of these little things before he lost them, too. The reality of everything suffocated him. He was never, ever going to see her again. Eilonwy was dead and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

#happy crying!#t: futgt #t: futgt c: twenty nine #narnia #the chronicles of narnia #fanfiction #narniaff

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angelicspaceprince · 7 years ago

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Saving Lucifer

Author: Anna

Title: Saving Lucifer

Pairing: Gabriel/Reader, brother!Lucifer/Gabriel

Character/s: Gabriel, Castiel, unnamed demons, Lucifer

Word Count: 2, 485 words

Warnings/Tags: PTSD, Lulu not being very sneaky, angry Lulu, brotherly Lulu, this caused me tears, I use Maccas references because I was tired when I wrote this....

Summary: Set during 'Saving Loki', Lucifer could not imagine the sort of pain Gabriel was forced to experience, but during his time sneaking around your home and observing the two of you, he had formed some kind of idea. If he wasn't so impressed with the way you were handling it, he was sure there would be a massacre. Afterall, anyone who dares to harm his brother deserves the worst kind of death.

Notes: So....because I'm a dork, I anonymously messaged thewhiterabbit42 about writing a fic where Lucifer gets pissed and destroys everything in a rage because #brotherlylove but it came out NOTHING LIKE I WANTED IT TO. Anyway, hope you enjoy it in any case because I'm just procrastinating writing the official Part 3 of this series hereby dubbed 'Saving Grace' but I'm hoping it'll be out soon.

Also, someone requested a fic about Gabe and the reader's life prior to McFuckFace's and was wondering if anyone else was interested? If I get enough interest in it, then I'll write it either before or after Saving Grace...I have thought about adding a french maid outfit into it because elyshakate is a bitch who gives me so many ideas. Love you but God I hate you babe.

Tags: oddone92, thewhiterabbit42 elyshakate, authoressskr micas-dont-like-rain, vitosfangirl, lilacprincessofrecovery, angelus320, fanfictionandjunk, 69percentgay, rls905, thepallaspalace, duckgirl16, thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy, spearqueenbean, stardustinherhair, saltvattenshar, iamrebeccasblog, ever-faithful-sidekick, govaliantblizzardprincess, pinkypie9211, djpaige13paige, spookysculderfiles - if you want to be tagged (or I've accidentally put you on the wrong tag list) message me to let me know!

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Saving Lucifer

To say Lucifer was pissed would be an understatement. Looking over his sleeping brother as he twitches and twists in silent terror, clearly his dreams haunting him.

He shouldn’t be dreaming at all. He’s an archangel, sleeping was a human custom that Lucifer never saw the benefit of. But for the past three nights that he has silently observed his terrified brother, it was evident that he was exhausted by the smallest of tasks to the point where he required multiple nights plus a good six to eight hours of sleep overnight. Not that it helped with anything, every moment of every day he was terrified.

His girlfriend was patient, possibly more patient than he would have been. If he had been the one to take care of him, he would have ripped out those blasted stitches from his mouth the moment he saw him. But you? You appeared to be calm, although the rants to muttered to yourself when you thought no one was around suggested otherwise. You approached him with certainty and never stopped speaking, words soft and reassuring. The one time you properly freaked him out, you adjusted quickly. You hid all the sharps that were freaking him out and didn’t even talk about removing his stitches, even though he knew you were dying to. He didn’t need to listen in to the conversations you held with yourself to know that.

The thing that shocked him was the amount of space you gave him. You allowed him to dictate the space he needed when he needed to alone, pretty much everything. You got him to shower without touching him, encouraging him to do things like stand by the window in the sun or watch the TV. He had taken a liking to ‘Scooby Do, Where Are You?’ Lucifer had found, which amused him greatly.

You never touched him, which was shocking. Humans were such tactile creatures, with very few exceptions. He figured that you would have treated him with more….hands on measures than what you currently were undertaking. Don’t get him wrong, he knew that you were desperate to be able to at the very least touch his hand. The few rare moments you snuck into Gabriel’s room during particularly bad nightmares during his naps and overnight to stroke his hair and kiss his forehead as you leave to calm him down enough to sleep left him feeling….comfortable with him in your care.

Not that anyone, no matter how long they tortured him for, would be able to make him confess that.

The thing that got him about you, however, was that no matter how much you wanted to, you didn’t contact those damned Winchester brothers and their pet angel. You were tempted, by his Father you were tempted. But you never went through with it, never getting past typing the first word or first three numbers of their cells before you quickly deleted it and the idea from your mind.

He had come to respect you for that.

He supposed he could leave. The past three days have been…eventful, but he knew he could trust you with the care of his broken but slowly repairing brother.

But he couldn’t.

Not if there was a slim chance that his brother needed him.

So those three days turned into three weeks, three months. He found that you quickly found ways to help Gabriel cope, knocking softly on all the doors until you heard a faint grunt instead of shouting out that you were home, humming and quietly singing to yourself whenever he was in the room in an effort to keep him calm, setting up silent alarms to inform you if he was having an ‘attack’, as you called it, so you could go and talk to him.

Sometimes it would be about your day, others comforting and encouraging him, and others it was the memories of your relationship before this all happened. Funny stories that made him laugh, sad ones that made him close to tears (no, not a single one fell and if anyone saw that, they were lying and were going to be tortured for the rest of eternity). If Lucifer felt guilt over the ‘death’ of his brother back in that stupid hotel filled with the Pagans, after hearing Y/N’s account of the event? For the first time in his life, Lucifer felt guilty and horror over his actions.

He began to respect you, even though you were human. Out of all the apes he had encountered, you were definitely fast becoming his favourite. Clearly, you loved his brother and were good for – and to – him.

When your first major breakthrough occurred, he nearly jumped for joy. Gabriel had broken some unimportant item and when you released that perhaps a garden would be a good idea for him, you struck a deal. Very cunningly too, he thought, even if it wasn’t your intention.

The stitches were out and Gabriel got to go outside. He laughed lightly when you lost him only to find him plastered all over the cake display unit like a three-year-old.

Only Gabriel.

He still didn’t speak, but the garden looked amazing and Lucifer was impressed how much it helped his brother. He had always loved nature, and this was a fantastic way to bring him back to the present when the past caught up to him.

Lucifer didn’t, however, truly lose it until he saw his brother’s wings.

Decaying, broken, revolting, pus-filled wings that were not even a tenth of what they once were. Lucifer’s wings had been dying since the day he fell, and slowly becoming more and more hellish, but Gabriel’s? After a few months Earth time in Hell? Were way worse.

He didn’t stay to see the grooming process, he very quickly found the demons responsible for that particular part of Gabriel’s torture and proceeded to very slowly, very painfully, kill all six of them. Not one let him know the ringleader of this entire event, but as long as the six of them paid for nearly killing his brother with their antics, he truly didn’t care.

When the boys came to visit, he nearly lost his mind with how far back Gabriel retreated. Y/N handled the situation with grace and care, keeping calm as she instructed the boys on what to do. The look on Castiel’s face confirmed what Lucifer already knew, he had no idea Gabriel was back.

You managed to calm Gabriel with ease, something that Lucifer was always incredibly amazed at. Even when Gabriel was small, once he was worked up in any way, shape or form, he was incredibly difficult to calm down.

When you found him in your room, the both of you were slightly surprised, but you did well to hide it and went in to talk to him about random things about your childhood, several things you had spoken to him about before but Lucifer gathered that you had only had a tiny existence on this earth in comparison to the two archangels in the room so you probably ran out of stories quick.

What surprised Lucifer most of all was how, eventually, Gabriel had moved to be next to you, carefully avoiding all the shattered glass and ceramics so his legs are millimeters from touching yours. Your voice falters before stopping as he grabs your hand, squeezing it gently, and Lucifer’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief at the first contact he had witnessed where Gabriel initiated it himself without prompting. When he got up to clean the mess he had created, Lucifer’s attention drew to you.

Your exterior looked calm as always, but your eyes showed your mind running and racing, planning ahead, trying to figure out a way to introduce Gabriel to Cassie and the boys without a freakout.

So, when you woke up from a nightmare that night, he wasn’t surprised. Lucifer still didn’t see the benefit of sleeping, especially when the two people he has observed sleeping were seemingly being tortured as they did so.

He knew your routine by now. He would be a liar if he said he didn’t find it curious the way you automatically went through your checklist. Breathe deep, meditate, wash your face, have a drink, sleep. He did it alongside with you numerous times to see the benefit but never figured it out. When you looked around your bathroom’s bench confused, trying to find your glass, he wasn’t amused. Not in the slightest.

After all, a sleep-deprived you is not a funny you.

When it clicked and you decided to go down to the kitchen to get a new cup, Lucifer decided to go see how his brother was faring.

He wasn’t in his room.

Panic rises in him as he quickly looks around the second floor of the house. Gabriel had ‘ran away’ early after his stitches were removed, but you found him with ease (in fact, you didn’t even panic. Just stood up, walked out to the car and returned twenty minutes later with a shivering Gabriel), and since then if Lucifer couldn’t find him immediately, his stomach would drop.

He rushes downstairs with such speed that when he grinds to a halt, he slides across the wooden floor right past the living room and into the kitchen where you are standing, staring at the faint glow emitting from the garden room.

The both of you walk in slowly and the grin on your face when you saw the messy and unidentifiable structure constructed of pillows, blankets and fairy lights caused Lucifer to calm down.

When you got down on your knees and crawled into the opening, Lucifer followed in suit. There is where he found his brother, sleeping softly for the first time since Lucifer had seen him sleep, in a nest of cushions and blankets from around the house, breathing evenly and softly. You kneel by him, hands moving to play with his hair, almost with minds of their own, before thinking better of it and resting in your lap. Lucifer wasn’t even sure you were aware of this, you did it often. He figured it was your body remembering the way you used to be able to act around him, prior to McChicken Fried Fuck as you so lovingly call his creation. Humans weren’t awfully creative, but they are amusing.

When Gabriel’s eyes suddenly opened and locked onto yours, you muttered an apology and quickly made way to exit when Gabriel opened his mouth to protest.

‘Stay. Please.’

If Lucifer had a heart, it would be broken.

He knew that Gabriel had been talking for a few days now, hearing you get excited whenever you marked his progress out loud when you were beginning to think that he was never going to get better. But he never expected his voice to be so…. broken.

Gone was confident, sarcastic, joking Gabriel and in his stead was someone Lucifer didn’t know. Even his begging tone that was hinted in his voice as he asks you to stay was foreign. Lucifer truly didn’t know how to feel.

When Gabriel told you he loved you, Lucifer decided it was enough feelings for him for one day and left the two of you in the glowing blanket heap. After all, the two of you probably deserved some alone time. And McChicken Fried Fuck wasn’t going to torture himself.

~~~

Gabriel was having another nightmare.

This was a regular occurrence, and he wasn’t quite ready to move into the same bed as you even though the two of you often slept in the mass of blankets and pillows in the garden room. Perhaps it was too personal to Gabriel or reminded him too much of what life was before all of….this.

You were forced to leave the house for a hunt, rogue angels had found out that Gabriel was, in fact, alive and wanted to use the remainder of his grace to create more angels. Lucifer was too weak to fight, and if his brother had faith in you then he did too. Besides. If the angels got hold of two weakened archangels, who knows the havoc they’d create? Lucifer loved his brothers and sisters, but he’d be the first to admit that the majority of them were dumb as rocks.

So, with you on protection detail, that left him in the reassurance aisle, something he hadn’t done in a long, long time.

Lucifer sets forward, cooing in Enochian, pulling forward a long-forgotten lullaby he used to sing to his brother. He could see it slowly calming Gabriel down until his breathing evened. Lucifer felt a rare smile grace his lips. He was going to be alright.

‘I know you’re there.’ Gabriel’s once-confident voice rings through his head.

‘I’m not surprised. How long?’ He responds quietly, projecting his voice softly into Gabriel’s mind. He doesn’t even wince.

‘Since I showed Y/N my wings. You weren’t so quiet when you left. You’re not as sneaky as you once were, Lulu.’ The teasing ton is there faintly, but there. Lucifer smiles.

‘I blame old age.’ He could hear his brother’s laughter as his shoulders shake in amusement. ‘Why didn’t you tell Y/N?’

‘I didn’t want to lose you or her.’ He admits. ‘I thought if I told her that I would have had to have given one of you up.’ Lucifer hums as he moves to stand. ‘Stay?’ His voice is desperate as it calls out to him. ‘Please?’

For the first time since they were fledglings, Lucifer pulls Gabriel into his lap, wings forming to cover the two of them in a safe, enclosed space, away from the world. Gabriel sniffles as he gets comfortable in his brother’s lap. ‘Missed you, Luce.’

‘Missed you too.’

Since the Fall, Lucifer refused to let his guard down. But, he felt comfortable doing so now, body calm and relaxed. He was safe. He felt….he didn’t know what he felt it was a new sensation, as if his body was being pulled down into the mattress but in a comforting way?

‘Drowsiness, Lulu, you’re falling asleep.’ Gabriel gently informs him. Lucifer hums as he slowly begins to fall. ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘For saving me too.’

‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘For letting me be your brother again.’

~~~

When you walk in the room the next morning to find two sleeping archangels, you didn’t even blink. You knew Lucifer was near, or at least some form of angel. Weird little things like food when you hadn’t been shopping or the TV suddenly turning onto a show Gabriel would like whenever he was in too much of a state to work the remote clued you in. So, when this scene greets your eyes, you simply smile and shut the door.

Best to leave your archangel and his guardian alone to sleep for a while longer.

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds s02e20 Honor Among Thieves - or more aptly named, a photoshoot of Shemar Moore, more Emily background and hot photos of Kirsten. YAY

Episode 20 – Honor Among Thieves

GUYS! It’s officially the weekend for me!! I cannot express how insanely happy I am that I was not slotted to work either Thursday or Friday on this weekend, so I’m so happy, I’m going to do some major catch up on the Criminal Minds review thingy I’ve got going on here, and basically just catch up with the times and reality.

Alrighty, so this episode’s name is seriously disturbing. Thieves? Plural? I don’t like where this is going.

Let’s see what happens.

We’re in Baltimore. Who are those bitches?

Oh, they’re Russian. Eek! Are we dealing with the Russian mob here? Oh damn. That was like straight out of West Side Story or something. LOL.

Okay, I know it’s not funny. But that’s where my mind went when they had that scuffle.

Oh shit, that girl was watching. They have a witness.

Lady, who are you and what makes you think you can just pull Prentiss and one of her superiors out of a briefing like it’s your bith-right?

Oh, shit! That’s Prentiss’s mom?

So Ambassador Prentiss thinks she can just bypass the usual laws and demand the BAU take the case she’s presents them with? Oh my god, that sounds awful.

Oh come on, ladies, just calm down.

Wait, hold up. Their father/husband was kidnapped and will be released for a ransom, and they are sending pieces of him to emphasize how serious they are? Well shit!

Russian proverb: “There can be no good without evil.” Well, that is horrifyingly true, if you don’t have evil, you cannot have a sense of what is good. Opposites require the two sides for comparison. That’s basic logic.

Wait. So the mother and daughter brought the finger as evidence, but they don’t want to give it up for processing? Aw damn. That’s gonna ‘cause trouble.

Wait. Prentiss knows Russian? Hot damn.

Hold up, they’re asking for $100,000? That’s a lot of money, dude. And it’s not personalized, it’s not addressed to anyone, there’s no instruction not to call the police, it’s like a memo at work. What the fuck is going on here?

So Gideon, Morgan and Reid are off to Baltimore with the daughter to profile the house. Morgan has instructions to profile the daughter. And they are gonna meet with a detective who knows the area.

Prentiss is talking with Mrs. Chernus, though that’s kind of bad. Hahaha, she’s not that good in Russian? Yeah right.

Oh boy. Those are criminals kidnapping criminals. Oh damn. Russian mob. Fuck.

“Get Garcia on the horn.” That’s one of the few funny lines I’ve heard Gideon utter in a while. I love it!

“Your friendly neighborhood oracle of all things knowable and unknowable at your service.” Oh lord I love this woman so much.

“I know. I know. We’re on the clock. I will compile and reconnect forthwith, junior G-man. Oracle out.”

“Junior G-man?” oh my poodle is confused in the noodle. So cute!

Wow. That girl is unfazed by anything. Her brothers died of diphtheria and she doesn’t even blink. What the fuck is going on here?

Oh damn. Her family escaped Communist Russia when she was little? Dang, that’s one tough family.

Oh my god. Those are fucking hanging mangled human carcasses and I want to puke my McNuggets right now.

So one guy enjoys the killing and torturing, making me want to mangle his little fucking zit head, and the other thinks about the money? Well, something’s not right here, he’s not letting the guy torture them and send more incentive. That’s not very mob-like.

I really don’t like that dick.

Why is he reassuring the guy? What’s going on here?

That poor dude. Oh my god, those corpses make me want to hurl.

Why’s Gideon knocking on the neighbor’s door? What’s going on?

He has a missing finger, too. He’s been kidnaped and released, oh shit.

That guy is so scared. Poor thing.

Oooh, who’s that in the fancy car?

Arseny Lysowski. He’s the big tough guy in the neighborhood. Damn.

Hey! Lady! Take it easy, girl!

That fucker gives me the creeps. Yikes.

Did he just threaten her in Russian? Ruh-roh.

Poor Mr. Cherbus.

Hey dude! You have two more hours! Come on, don’t be a dick.

Oh, the FBI are onto you, okay. Ew.

(side note: not gonna have that many pictures here, this episode is gross, majorly so, so most of these photos will be of hot people)

Derek profiling Natalia’s house as sad shouldn’t be this hot.

So they’re putting up appearances to look rich, but they aren’t? Why?

And why won’t the family have pictures of the kids around the house? And why are there only two chairs at the table when there are three people living there? Oh Derek, you smart puppy, you deserve a treat.

Ambassador Prentiss is seriously annoying me. Why is she interrogating Emily on her job? Come on, you’re so cold, typing away while asking cut-and-dry questions.

So her connections in Russia have proved futile? Damn. Too bad.

So the Russian mob tattoos have meanings? They’re messages? Damn.

Pakhan is the head of the Russian mob? And that’s Lysowski? Damn.

An Obochek is the pooled monetary fund the groups use for bribes and other types of support? Damn.

“That’s a remote region of the northern Ural mountains, for those of you playing the home game.”

She looks like a game-show hostess. Hahaha, I love her so much.

Vory v zakone. “The Thieves Code”: “Forsake all relatives, mother, father, brother, sister. Not have a family of his own. No wife. No children. Family makes you vulnerable.” That’s cold.

Yup. If he kidnapped Mr. Chernus, it wouldn’t make sense for Lysowski to offer his help. Damn.

What’s going on with Mrs. Chernus out there? Damn.

That’s one hot picture of him. Fuck.

Oh boy. Someone unexpected knocks.

Uri. A kid? What the fuck is he doing there?

Oh my god! They made the kid give her a box with her father’s fucking ear in it? Oh my god, those guys are sick as fuck.

Morgan talking about the cut-off ear shouldn’t look hot. Someone do something about Shemar, and by that I mean, get me on a fucking plane to his house right now.

Wait. They raised the ransom to 500,000? Damn. And the note said “Say hello to the FBI.” Oh crap.

If this is how he looks when he’s trying to coax a sobbing woman out of a bathroom, sign me up for a life-time.

Wait. Why won’t she answer him? Oh crap. She ran away? Why? Where the fuck is Natalia going? Shit.

Also, never let a woman ever run away from Shemar. I can’t stand that devastated look. Well, that’s a disappointed look that he failed, on a case, but it’s already pretty bad, I can’t imagine what it would be like if it were a romantic relationship. Oh my god, my fanfic-writing mind just went into overdrive. Down, girl.

Hey! Why won’t you let Gideon in there? Not nice.

Hahaha, oh Lysowski is one tough guy.

“I can see no reason for a man like you to help a family like the Chernuses.” “Man like me?” oh Gideon, you are stepping into one big hot mess, buddy.

That tattoo signifies he’s the boss? Damn.

Hey! Why is Natalia there? What the fuck is going on here? Why is she dismissing the FBI? What the fuck is going on here? Something isn’t right.

Sweetie, I mean, Ambassador Prentiss? Don’t call Penelope a computer expert, okay? Please, it’s Oracle of All Things Knowable and Unknowable. Got it? Good.

Damn, that is one fine human specimen.

So Natalia took the ear and the finger? Oh god, she’s in on the whole thing. Fuck. Fuck. Oh my goodness gracious, she ordered her father to be kidnapped and tortured. Oh my fucking goodness freaking gracious.

“She could be halfway back to Dogo-whatever by now.” Oh Morgan, you really need to work on your geographic memory, baby boy.

Wait. Hold up? She told him she’s from the same town as Lysowski? Oh boy.

“It’s the equivalent of bread crumbs to Hansel and Gretel.” I love you and your genius mind, lovely.

Oh my god, so it’s downloading the bank’s data to her? I love her so much.

“How could I not see this coming?” oh don’t beat yourself up, sugar shack. You’re still a good puppy to me.

“I’m in! … It’s a pretty archaic system once the parameters are understood.” You amazing, gorgeous doodlebug. Someone kiss her for me.

The money’s been transferred? What the fuck is going on here?

Hey! Gorban! What the fuck is going on here?

Oh shit! That muscular guy just totally killed Fyodor! Why? What did Fyodor do? He was nice to Mr. Chernus, why be a douche?

Wait. Hold up. The entire thing is a sting operation on Lysowski? To get him to pay the money? What the fuck is up with Natalia? She is one crazy fucker.

Wait. That buffed up dude is Lyov Fulenko? Lysowski’s bastard kid? Damn.

What is Natalia doing there? Oh god, she loves Lyov? And she has him torturing her daddy? Oh my god.

So we wanted a rich life? That’s why she kidnapped everyone and tortured them for ransom? Oh god, she is so fucked up.

Who is that?

Oh. It’s Lysowski’s people. Good. They got Mr. Chernus back, and oh my god, they totally just butchered Natalia and Lyov. Fuck.

Leo Tolstoy: “Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Wow, that seriously depresses me.

Can I just say? That lady is super hot! Seriously!

Alrighty, we’re done with that. So this episode was seriously heavy on the Russian mob and I didn’t like it. The whole massacring the bodies thing? Ugh. But I did get lots of hot shots of Derek and Penelope, and I did get a confused poodle one. So that was fun. Overall, I loved more Emily backstory, and the eventual unsub was seriously fucking my mind with ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS?’ but I loved every minute of it.

Can’t wait to see the last three episodes of the season! Giddy over here!

I’ll see you next time, lovelies <3

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