#he can and does develop meaningful relationships that will help him heal but they don’t have to be based in romance jfc

[yourleftpinkytoe-blog]

You know what’s crazy to me? When some people act like Kevin is this tragic figure who will never form a meaningful connection because he haven’t (so far) ended up in a romantic relationship with “someone better” then Thea.

I’ve seen so many posts where is just lamenting how Kevin is never going to be happy or heal because he doesn’t have the support of a partner.

…BRO HAS THIS FUCKING FANDOM JUST FORGOT THAT THE FOXES EXIST?! THAT AT THE END OF THE FIRST SERIES HES FORMING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAD!!

Like come on ik people don’t like Thea let me say this now, and repeat after me… “Someone doesn’t need a romantic relationship to be happy. Kevin can be happy and heal with the help of his FAMILY”

[a-friendly-fangirl]

My thoughts on Sex Education, season 3.

⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️

First of all, please try to remember that this is just my opinion. I'm nobody to judge whether the season was good or bad and I don't mean to hurt anyone.

With that being said, I'd like to begin by admitting that I liked these 8 episodes overall... but there were so many things that felt wrong to me.

I loved Jean's journey during her pregnancy and the way she tried to take care of everyone at the same time (although I kind of disliked Jakob for some things he said).

I loved Aimee and her desire to heal after the assault. The way she really wants to make her voice be heard was heartwarming and inspiring to me. Plus, her friendship with Maeve is one of the most beautiful I've ever watched (about this, I'll say something later on).

I loved Viv and her ambition that slowly became less important than her peers and their rights. She really wanted them to be happy in the end. I think that she didn't really understand how bad things with Hope were until the trip to France. And she redeemed herself in a great way.

I loved Lily and her journey towards acceptance of herself, even when others thought she was weird and silly. It was empowering seeing her so confident in the end.

I loved Adam's growth. It taught that even the most simple of passions can turn into something meaningful and that, no matter how bad you are, you can change.

Above all, I loved Maeve finally getting the chance to do something amazing for herself for once.

All of these things were wonderful, truly. But so many others I didn't like and I couldn't really understand as narrative choices.

Let me begin with the one I found the most annoying: Isaac's fake redemption arc. I know what you might say: "Of course you hate it! You ship Maeve and Otis!". Well, yes, I do. But it's not all about that. I might be exaggerating... but Isaac deleting Otis' message was beyond disrespectful to me. If you remember, at the beginning of the second season, Isaac was really mean to Maeve... but he had the opportunity to redeem himself. He had the chance to say he was sorry and to be a better person to her, even though he had been around for so little time. However, when it came to Otis to have the same opportunity, he decided that he wasn't worth it. Isaac, who didn't really know Otis, took away from him the chance to at least say that he was truly sorry for being such an ass to Maeve. But, what feels even worse to me is that he took away even Maeve's possibility to decide. We don't know how it would have gone, if Maeve had listen to what Otis had to say. Maybe she would have forgiven him. Maybe she would have still chosen Isaac, because Otis hurt her too much. Who knows what might have been? No one. And why? Because Isaac decided for everyone. And I don't care if he thought he was protecting Maeve or if he was angry. It. Was. Not. His. Choice. To. Make.

Also, I didn't really understand why Maeve wasn't as mad as I was with him. Sure, she stopped talking to him for a couple of days. But the moment she started to speak with him again, they hooked up. Too fast, too soon, in my opinion. He apologised? Sure. But so did Otis. And he didn't get to be so easily forgiven.

But let's move to the another point I have a lot to say about: Otis and Ruby. I really liked them together. I found them cute and funny. But still... Ruby struggled for real to accept Otis for who he is. And Otis acted the way she wanted to keep her close. For example, he shaved off his moustache for her. Now, most of the fandom hated that moustache... but again, Otis seemed to care a great deal for it. He kept repeating that he spent months growing it. But Ruby didn't like it. And he sacrificed something he was proud of for her. But okay, a lot of people would do something like that for their loved ones. But then he had to dress like her friends to fit in. To be fair, Ruby gave up that idea pretty soon... but she just reacted to Otis refusing to do it. If I had to make a comparison between her and another love interest (not Maeve, 'cause I'd be biased), I'd choose Ola, of course. She was putting pressure on him in other ways, but she never wanted him to be any different than who he was. Love, after all, means acceptance. And perhaps Ruby loved Otis for he saw the hardest part of her life, without judging her. I wish it could have been the same for him.

About this, I've noticed many people being disappointed in Otis not saying he loved her too, because it means that he was just using her. Well... no? I mean, he was the first one to admit that, if she was willing to give him more time, he might have learned to love her. Should he have made it clear to her earlier in the relationship? Sure! Can we condemn him for not feeling the same? Absolutely not! Feelings can't be forced. And I'm also sure that he thought he was done for good with Maeve. He suffocated the love he had for her so much that the clinic made him sick and that he admitted his feelings only when pressured by Maeve herself.

In conclusion, I think that Otis and Ruby might have had a wonderful friendship, if they were only given the chance. They have that kind of chemistry.

Talking about people who are better off as friends: in my opinion, that's all Maeve and Aimee will ever be. I honestly can't see anything romantic in them. The purity of their friendship means so much to me and it's, at least for me, so different from the "Friends who are more than friends" energy. We're so lucky to have such wonderful actresses to play these characters... and what I see in their gestures and glances tells me of a great friendship. They're so different from Emily and Sue in Dickinson (they're supposed to be just friends, but they're clearly not) or even Judy and Jen in Dead To Me (another pair of friends that can be ambiguous with each other).

Moving to another couple, whose development I didn't understand: Adam and Eric. I'm not a great fan of their relationship. I like them both as individuals. But the bully-victim dynamic they used to have wasn't the best one to start a relationship with. I could see the appeal though. So much that, I was truly happy for them, when they said their first I love you's. And every step Adam made in the right direction made me smile, since that it took him a long time to grow up. Eric seemed happy with him too. Until he went to Nigeria. I sincerely loved the whole trip... but something felt wrong in him founding what he truly wanted there, where he couldn't even tell his family he had a boyfriend. The scene in the taxi gave me chills. I felt the risk he was taking by going with a stranger to a gay club. A stranger that he kissed almost out of nowhere (whether it was the heat of the moment or Adam not replying to him, I'm not sure). It's the second time he cheats on his boyfriend. And I think Eric deserves far better as a character.

My question about this whole drama is: "How come Eric found out that he wanted to be free in Nigeria and not in England?". If it's true that going to the club made him realise he wanted to be among people like him, it makes the whole situation even more absurd. Because there are plenty of gay bars and clubs in England. Why not go to one of them? My theory is that they wanted to build a good romance with Adam, then build tension between them and in us and end the whole thing with their breakup (probably to make Adam fall in love with Rahim).

I swear I'm almost done. I want to discuss one last topic with you all.

Maeve going to America like that felt so rushed. It's probably another strategy to make us want to see more of the show. And it surely worked. But still, it has, at least for how they developed it, nothing to do with Maeve maturing. The idea itself was amazing. I loved her getting the opportunity of a lifetime. But she literally decides to go the evening before (which is not even realistic. In real life, you have a deadline until which you can pay to go wherever you want. If you don't, your place is given to someone else), after getting the money from her mother. Now, where does that money come from? She might as well have stolen it, since she didn't have it before. In my opinion, this part of the story could have gone differently with little effort and the same outcome. How? Well, since that basically everyone thought she deserved to go to America, why couldn't have her classmates and teachers organised a fundraiser? Even in secret, so that she couldn't get angry for their "charity". It would have been so much better and so wholesome to see everyone in that school give a little sum for her, even to thank her for the help they got from the clinic.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for talking so much, but this season didn't go as expected and I truly needed to vent :P.

Thank you for listening❤

[animepopheart]

Wonder Egg Priority, Episode 7: The Scars to Prove It (or, Love for the Moms, the Cutters, and the Drunks)

Wonder Egg Priority (WEP) has felt like the successor to Puella Magi Madoka Magica in many ways throughout its run, but in episode seven, it almost went full Madomagi by driving the stakes to their utmost height—to the death of one of the main characters. But as has been consistent with WEP, what it did instead, after some moments of true worry, is to instead deliver hope in the face of pain, resolve against overwhelming circumstances, and strength in weakness.

The series returns to Rika Kawai’s story in this episode, which starts with her turning 14. And on her 14th birthday, after leaving her hungover mother halfway asleep at the bar she works at and which they call home, Rika opens up to the rest of the girls, explaining that she doesn’t know her father (it could be any of five possibilities, or even more) and her mom won’t reveal any further information about him. As she trashes her mom, Neiru and Momoe are incredulous, which only drives Rika away from them. And though Ai goes to comfort her, Rika is in a terrible state of mind as she enters her next fight.

This was a difficult episode to watch. They’ve all been somewhat hard since the series never shies away from brutal and violent situations impacting young people, but I found myself squirming especially here as Rika’s cutting takes center stage. At one point, she decides to cut herself and it seems certain she will, before her turtle-like partner, Mannen, prevents it from happening.

Challenging, also, is how strained Rika’s relationship is with her mother, who’s life revolves around drink—alcohol both pays the bills and helps her forget how miserable her existence is. And in the midst of all the bad behavior in this episode—the usual Rika talk, her mom’s alcoholism and neglect, and the selfishness all around, one begins to feel deeply sorrowful for the Kawai women. Yes, Rika is often obnoxious, but her family life is in shambles, and she still exhibits goodness, including a curiously gentle relationship with Mannen. And Rika’s mother is a tragic figure, used by men and quite on the road to an early death, it would seem, unable to lift herself out of the gutter as she tries, in her own sloppy way, to protect and reach out to her daughter.

It’s in this hopelessness that Rika turns again to cutting, and then finds herself tempted by something even more dangerous. Her foe this time is a religious leader who led the egg, a follower who continues to believe in him, to commit suicide as a way of “connecting” with the universe (Heaven’s Gate, anyone?). Rika decries the ghoul as a charlatan, but is confronted with her own weakness when the egg shows her own scarred arm to Rika, revealing that she can tell that the latter cuts just like she did. And then she explains that Rika can be released from this pain.

The scars, evidence of what Rika does to cope with her pain, now become the weakness that they truly are, revealing how hopeless she feels, and how powerless she is against the mechanizations of her family life. And defeated, she’s about to allow herself to be killed when a surprising savior comes along—a turtle. Mannen attacks the spiritual leader, to Rika’s surprise as well, until she remembers that he has imprinted on her. Rika is Mannen’s mom, and as he did when he prevented her from cutting, Mannen is again protecting his mother.

The conclusion that Rika reaches is unusual but inspiring. She understands, in this moment, the need to protect one’s mom, finally admitting to herself in a de facto way that maybe her mother is in need of love, too. It’s funny to consider the need that mothers have for love since culturally and socially, they’re always seen as the providers of it. But of course, they need it in return, especially when they falter. My own mother is sick right now, and I think of the support I need to give her and the lack of that I’ve provided through the years.

Warning: Screenshot involving cutting after the jump.

My mother was a good one, however. Rika’s, on the other hand, has struggled with the charge, which reminds me of a story from one of my favorite books, The Ragamuffin Gospel, about another bad parent—a far worse one, in fact, and a real one. I’ll quote part of the passage from chapter seven:

“‘Our daughter Debbie wanted a pair of earth shoes for her Christmas present. On the afternoon of December 24, my husband drove her downtown, gave her sixty dollars, and told her to buy the best pair of shoes in the store. That is exactly what she did. When she climbed back into the pickup truck her father was driving, she kissed him on the cheek and told him he was the best daddy in the whole world. Max was preening himself like a peacock and decided to celebrate on the way home. He stopped at the Cork ‘n’ Bottle–that’s a tavern a few miles from our house and told Debbie he would be right out. It was a clear and extremely cold day, about twelve degrees above zero, so Max left the motor running and locked both doors from the outside so no one could get in. It was a little after three in the afternoon and…’

Silence.

‘Yes?’

The sound of heavy breathing crossed the recreation room. Her voice grew faint. She was crying. ‘My husband met some old Army buddies in the tavern. Swept up in euphoria over the reunion, he lost track of time, purpose, and everything else. He came out of the Cork ‘n’ Bottle at midnight . He was drunk. The motor had stopped running and the car windows were frozen shut. Debbie was badly frostbitten on both ears and on her fingers. When we got her to the hospital, the doctors had to operate. They amputated the thumb and forefinger on her right hand. She will be deaf for the rest of her life.'”

Max—a real person, mind you—was a successful, well-liked man, but his drinking problem led to an unconscionable decision and profound failure as a parent. And yet, this book is about grace, an idea which to humans feels unjust, but  which has the power to change hearts and tear down walls, sometimes literally.

Could Max be given grace? Could Rika’s mother? If not directly, she’s done her own physical damage to her daughter in the form of those cutting scars (difficult and perhaps triggering images below). As mentioned earlier, the egg that she’s helping knows her pain and insists that letting go of everything, including life itself, is the way to peace. After all, to a young, suffering girl, what else could these scars mean?

But in the midst of giving up, in the moment that she actually capitulates (and this episode takes you 99% to the edge, both in the cutting scene and in the apparent death scene), Rika experiences something powerful. She experiences grace.

Have you ever been challenged to forgive someone when you don’t want to, when you feel completely in the right? Maybe it’s easy for you, but perhaps it isn’t. The girls surrounding Rika experience differing degrees of this with her sometimes maniacal and often hurtful behavior. Ai forgives easily. Momoe gets fired up and then equally seeks to make peace. And Neiru…well, Neiru holds onto “justice” more than love (setting up what I imagine will be the most powerful transformation in the series of all, in true Homura fashion). But in the moment that Rika is about to give her life, the girls yell out their love for her, even Neiru, and then more profoundly, without any hesitation, Mannen puts his own life on the line to stop the death from occurring. Rika has already given up, but this turtle hasn’t—not for his mother, whom he loves very much.

And experiencing that love from a different angle, Rika is changed just a bit. She begins to see her weakness as a “mother,” failing her turtle-child, and thinks of her own mom who is overwhelmed by hurt and a failure as well. And if just a little—for as the final scenes indicate, it is just a little—the path toward forgiveness begins.

But a little bit of grace is like a little bit of a flood—its power overwhelms, and it defeats the enemy, whether that means bitterness, a physical person (or manifestation of one), or the devil himself.

When Rika returns from the event, having killed the cult leader monster, it’s interesting to note that she isn’t a wholly different person. She’s changing little by little. And her scars remain. In fact, as she admits, she probably will cut herself again. But strangely enough, those scars now represent something different. They show someone trying—failing, yes, sometimes considerably and maybe very often—but trying, and only able to try because love was shown her, and through that, she is now able to show love as well.

You may have such scars in your life, physical or emotional, battered by the world and by people. I hope that you can develop relationships that help you heal as well, and that you’ll also remember that there are other scars which are meaningful to you, but which you cannot see on your person, scars that were borne out of a desire to heal you. Christ took the piercings, on his head, hands, feet, and side, so that while your heart and flesh may be cut, your soul need not be. And through his wounds, you may be healed.

The grace offered through Christ is one that, as he explains about everlasting water at the well to the Samaritan, for now and through eternity. The egg seeks peace forever by dying, but Jesus, unlike the cult leader, died for us so that we may not have to. He took the nails, the cross, and the spear so that we don’t have to inflict pain on ourselves and receive the punishment of our actions against him and others. He is our scar.

That’s grace. That’s the power that it has. And it can reach anyone—even a terrible dad, an alcoholic mom, a tempestuous child, and, and most significantly and personally—you.

If you’re suffering and in pain, maybe self-inflicted, we encourage you to explain such to a parent or trusted adult and ask for help. It’s a difficult first step, but one that will help you begin recovering. And we also advise that you turn to Christ for help—in prayer, community, and scripture. He provides people to us that will aid us in our times of need, as well as himself and the Holy Spirit if we are believers.

Additionally, there’s a scene in this episode where triumphant, Rika concludes that cutting is okay. That’s said in the context of her moving forward bit by bit and forgiving herself for her failures, even the upcoming ones. That’s an important lesson, though we must certainly be careful not to let it be a license to continue cutting with impunity.

Wonder Egg Priority can be streamed through Funimation. Read more of our articles by signing up for our weekly newsletter.

[teebeornotteebe]

Future storylines for Devi, Paxton and Daxton

What are some of the storylines we'd like for Devi, Paxton and Daxton in the (hopefully) coming season? A few things I'd really like to see explored:

Devi

- I'd love to see her play music again. This is so sensitive and clearly there's still plenty of associated trauma here. I would like to see this broached a little, let's start to see going her back to the things she once loved before her Dad passed, embracing them in a new way as part of her healing.

In the same vein, it would so good to see Devi in the water again. Another big trauma here and one that could draw her and Paxton even closer together in a real, meaningful way. Water can be a big source of connection for them, as well as another big sign of healing for her.

- Can we see Devi continue to connect with her culture more? I really loved the Ganesh Puja episode and I think continuing to show Devi both question and embrace her ethnic background and find out more of who she is through it would be really beautiful and empowering. She's a beautiful, bold, brown girl. Let's see that in focus a bit more.

Paxton

- Obviously his return to swimming is a big one, but I'd like them to take their time with this one. I don't think it would be super realistic to have him straight back to winning ways the second he's back in the water. We know swimming is important to him and I'd really love to see how he deals with not being brilliant at it for a short time. How does he work through it? And is there any lingering resentment towards Devi for setting him on this recovery path in the first place? Let's dig a little deeper into Paxton emotionally.

- I think it would be really great for Paxton to continue to be serious about school and develop a mentor type relationship with their teacher Mr. Shapiro. That scene where Paxton first volunteers to do the extra credit project, that really got me thinking of what it would be like for Paxton to develop an academic relationship outside of Devi. As good as it was to see Paxton do well under Devi's tutelage, and how meaningful it was to him for her to believe in him, I think it would weigh down their future relationship if she continued in that role. Paxton doing it for himself and by himself with the occasional help of a mentor type figure would be cool to see I think.

Daxton

Will Devi's mom continue to be prickly towards Paxton? Will that cause conflict between them? And conflict between Devi and her mom? Devi's growing up, becoming a young woman, and her dating is a whole new realm in their mother-daughter relationship. It would be super realistic to see some issues crop up there.

What other storylines would we like to see?

[flintwoodandco]

Sun Shower

Summary: Marcus’ and Oliver’s first date doesn’t go quite as planned but that’s okay

Rating: T

Genre: Post Battle of Hogwarts, Developing Relationship, Light Angst, Affection

Words: 820

A/N: for @inimitablebiscuit!! who had asked for a fluffy prompt but some angst still got in there in the end oops ‘^_^

-

AO3

or

Marcus wipes his hands on his trousers for the fifth time, eyes darting up and down the street.

He’s early, but his nerves still get the best of him. Maybe he’ll be stood up, maybe he assumed too much. It was too good to be true. 

“Marcus!”

Snapped from his thoughts, Marcus breathes a sigh of relief as he watches Oliver Wood approach him. Slightly disheveled hair, bundled up from the harsh fall air, he’s a sight to see and Marcus doesn’t know what to do with himself first. 

“Knew you’d get here as early as me,” Oliver teases and he pecks Marcus’ cheek. 

Marcus’ mind goes blank. It’s only their first date, affection shouldn’t happen so soon. Should it? As much as Marcus doesn’t like to admit it, he hasn’t dated. Not in the conventional sense. His life has been a whirlwind of tumbling into beds, making appearances at parties. Nothing serious, nothing meaningful. 

“Come on,” Oliver seems unfazed as he hooks his arm with Marcus’ and tugs him toward the park. 

It’s easy to fall into step with Oliver, but words are still far from leaving Marcus. He can’t ruin this one. Luckily, Oliver starts friendly chatter, going on about the latest league games, details jumping back and forth. Marcus can only gaze on, wondering where his life went right. 

Never did he expect to fall in love with Oliver. It seemed by chance or rather fate, that they both ended up on Puddlemere after the war. After that, the jabs and sneers turned into teasing and laughter. Then, one day after practice, Marcus couldn’t stop himself. In a rushed haze, he asked Oliver on a date and here they are. 

“Alright there?” Oliver stops, staring right into Marcus’ eyes. 

Marcus tries to think up an excuse, to blame it on the weather, but a lie doesn’t suit their relationship. “Just nervous,” Marcus mumbles.

“The great Marcus Flint nervous?” Oliver grins. “You’ve never even broken a sweat before a big game.”

A small laugh is exchanged between them and Marcus shakes his head. “Quidditch, I can handle. You, I…”

“It’s just me,” Oliver reassures. 

“But it’s not,” Marcus exhales heavily. “It’s not ‘just’ you. You’re Oliver Wood, one of the greatest keepers of our time. At Hogwarts, you were a star. You’re so much and I’m….”

“Now don’t say that,” Oliver cuts Marcus off. He cups Marcus’ face and runs a thumb across his cheek. “I wouldn’t be the keeper I am if it wasn’t for you. You kept me on my toes, still do. You make me want to be better, to get better.” 

It’s hard to believe these words when so much of what Marcus has known has been the opposite. Nothing was right before the war and after, well, Marcus, like so many others, is still trying to heal. 

“Fuck. This was supposed to be our first date. I’m not supposed to get all moody on you,” Marcus melts into Oliver’s touch. 

“Hey, it’s alright,” Oliver gives a gentle smile. “I’m glad you were honest with me.” 

Marcus isn’t so sure it’s alright, but Oliver’s warmth is beginning to convince him. He doesn’t know when he closes his eyes. Doesn’t know when Oliver’s lips touch his own. All Marcus can think of is how perfect this kiss feels. 

Their embrace ends too soon and Marcus thinks to dive back in, but Oliver talks first. 

“I don’t want us hiding from each other. I know it’s not easy, so let’s try together.” Oliver and Marcus’ hands tangle together, their faces close enough to feel each other’s breaths. “I’m so unbelievably happy you asked me out. I’ve loved you for so many years.”

“Even at Hogwarts?” Marcus can’t help blurt out, but Oliver’s gaze says it all. “So all this time, we could have been this.” 

“Better late than never,” Oliver grins. 

Marcus finally lets a little of his walls down. As anxiousness collides with need, Marcus engulfs Oliver in a hug, filled with desperation to never let go. Oliver hugging him back is everything and when they pull apart, Marcus doesn’t want to dwell in the dark. 

“Let’s keep walking, I want to hear what you’ve got planned for our next practice.”

Oliver lights up at this and he jumps into the same closeness as before, holding onto Marcus’ arm as they walk down the path. Though Oliver does much of the talking, Marcus finds it natural, easy to find his part in the conversation. There is chatter like that of old friends, yet a confiding air, an understanding only the two of them could have. It is perfection that Marcus likes to think is just for the two of them.

As the sunlight breaks through the bitter wind, the heaviness begins to fade and all Marcus can see is Oliver, this wonderful, carefree man whom he will undoubtedly spend the rest of his life with. 

[charmspoint]

what i know abt qifrey from u talking abt him uhh ok so he's genuinely just a nice guy but also he's evil and irredeemable but also he's literally just a pleasant gentleman

I know ur not asking for a rant about this but by god ur gonna get it.

So the thing is, I don't think Qifrey is evil or irredeemable at all. We joke around the fandom (at least i hope its mostly jokes) that he's evil and crazy but he's really not. If id have to pin Qifrey on a morality spectrum I'd say morally gray but leaning towards the good.

Did Qifrey do some messed up stuff? Yes, fo sure. But I've always gotten more of an impression that he's teetering towards the edge and not completely over it. He does do damage but so far he's mostly made sure that damage was extremely localized and not actually harming other people (I talked about before how Qifrey's own memory erasing spell seems weirdly specialized compared to what we were brought to believe memory erasing spell actually does when used by anyone else).

But now comes the question

Do I think Qifrey will get worse?

Yes, 100% I believe this is where we are going towards, I said before that I'm p convinced he will become some kind of obstacle for Coco down the line.

Qifrey is going through a LOT rn. He's already got ptsd from, you know being stripped of his identity, buried alive, almost drowned and then remembering he was experimented on like a lab rat, but now it's getting worse. Before he could at least relay on the fact that even though his past was horrible, his future was bright. He genuinely loves his job, he loves his girls, he loves teaching. This monolog gets me every single time

Now he's losing his future, he's losing not only his eye, but the whole identity he built out of nothing, he's losing his teaching position, he's losing his kids, he's losing Everything he gained after he had already lost Everything.

It leaves him rushing against an uncertain time limit, desperate, stumbling, sloppy. I don't think he's thinking straight anymore, not really. I think he's convinced he is being methodical and calculating but in actuality he's stumbling forward, grasping at straws, unable to hold on to anything but his need for revenge and the empty words that his actions aren't only for his own sake.

It's all very striking, in his relationship with Olruggio in particular. Olruggio is very clearly supposed to be the guiding light for Qifrey, the one who pulls him back when he goes too far, the one who helps him resist the growing darkness. It's very meaningful how as Qifrey continues on his path he makes sure Olruggio doesn't even know about it. He said it himself, if Olruggio knew, he'd try to save him. He'd try to bring Olruggio to light again and Qifrey doesn't WANT to be saved, he has decided on a road he wants to take and he won't allow anyone to change his course. Not even Olruggio.

So do I think Qifrey is evil?

No

Do I think he'll get worse?

Yes

Do I think he'll become evil?

Not really

See here's the thing. Qifrey's desperation, how quickly he's trying to work through this, how determined he is to throw everything else under the bus if he could just achieve his goals? All of that is dictated by the fact he's running out of time, the fact that once he loses his eyesight he can no longer be a witch. Eyesight is VERY important to witches since magic is a very visual art. We've seen with Tartar how something as seemingly miniscule as color blindness can basically doom someone, causing everyone around them to say they can't become a witch without good eyesight. So complete blindness is a death sentence to a witches career. Now, it's funny how a lot of the Coustas and Tartars arc has to do with adjusting the world to disability and not the person to the world. How it's made pointed, over and over again, that people with disabilities shouldn't be written off but given proper tools that will help them function, how the world should adjust to be a more comfortable place for all kinds of people and not just those who are already adjusted to it. Without the threat of his eyesight going out and cutting his whole identity into bits, Qifrey wouldn't have to act like this, he would be able to sit and think and not rush and if he still wants to pursue brimhats he could do it more safely for himself and everyone else because the desperation factor would be gone.

So what I think is going to happen is that Qifrey will lose his eyesight but won't lose his standing as a witch because he, Olruggio and the kids will figure out how to make magic accessible to him.

Now there's of course a bunch more unaccounted for variables which I'll probably have a better grasp on after the current arc is done being translated. Ininia and Lord Restis represent a very interesting development because they are brimhats introduced specifically via healing injuries. The rule of 'medicine magic isn't allowed cuz it's a slippery slope' has been there since the beginning of the series and a big thorn in the 'yeah the witch world rules are good and fair' side cuz of course, everyone thinks healing people should be allowed. Now the brimhats we've had so far were fully ready to attack and experiment on children's bodies in order to further their own goals so of course that immediately leaves you disliking them and not putting much account into their rhetoric even though it does make sense at times, but ur not gonna listen to ppl experimenting on kids. That's why I think Ininia and Lord Restis are interesting, cuz if they aren't literally attacking children they might get a good case in about medicine magic being allowed. I think we are going towards at least some sort of medicine magic becoming acceptable considering Tartar's arc. But then the question is, if some sort of medicine magic is approved, will it be used to heal disabilities cuz like...that would kinda suck. I would much rather have a 'world should be adjusted so disabled people can participate in it equally' narrative rather than the 'just heal the disability with magic lol' narrative. But honestly this whole paragraph is pure speculation because the arc isn't fully translated or even fully out yet but I sure af am LOOKING at it. I think it will be v important in understanding where the story is going to go. I just hope Shirahama does a good job with it, but honestly she never once let me down up until now so I'm feelin positive.

Circling back to Qifrey, I do think he's one of the kindest, most understanding, most lovable characters I've had a joy of reading and studying. But he does have a black hole in him that is pulling apart all that kindness, leaving him a shattering shell. I don't think he's evil, I don't think he'll ever become truly evil and despite what he's done I don't think any of what he did is irredeemable, especially with how careful he tends to be not to take away from people more than he has to to further his own goals. But I do think that hole will eat at him more and more and that before he can get better somebody will have to notice it and help him plug it up. Olruggio noticed and Qifrey refused the help, convinced that he can't be helped, not in the way he needs. He will need proof that he can keep his future before he can ease up on the frantic hunt after his past

[mcbride]

Carol and Daryl in “a certain doom” SPOILERSSSSSSSS. some random thoughts about their current situation and how things can develop in the future after the jump....

so Carol and Daryl are just working together and talking about Michonne being gone. i think Carol is a bit hurt when he says he would have left with Michonne had she given him the chance. while Daryl voices his fear he’ll never see her again, like everyone else, like CAROL, who has been there but gone for most of s10. he’s got that fear she still got the urge to run away again. she tries to reach him with “i’m still here,” (excuse me, consumed “you still here. trying” call back! yeahhhh!) but the way he just looks at her and doesn’t say a word really makes me think he doesn’t believe her. i mean, she has promised him to not put herself in danger anymore at the cave and half an hour later she broke that promise.

the real emotional and meaningful scenes of the whole ep are between Lydia and Carol. Lydia desperately wants to connect, but so does Carol, and it’s just beautiful to see them play out those moments. Carol stops Lydia “you need to be yourself, you need to find your own way” and it’s ironic how she is basically just talking about herself too. Carol is lost. she needs to be herself and find a different way. Lydia is def not looking for another mom, and she tells Carol that they can have a different type of relationship, how they can be something else. it’s like giving Carol permission to be more than just a mom. Carol doesn’t have to be a mom. she can be different. i love that with my whole heart.

Carol offers to sacrifice herself at the cliff instead of Lydia. AND NO, I DONT THINK CAROL IS SUICIDAL. pls stop that bullshit. i do think Carol is willing to do whatever it takes to save her people, to make up for her own mistakes, i really don’t think she wants to die. she wants to live, but she doesn’t want to live in a world where people she loves are at risk if she can do something about it. she dislocated her arm to get out under that boat so Carol wants to live and keep the people she loves safe. but the fact Lydia came back for her, to stand with her in the middle of so much death means everything to me. and just remembering that scene is gonna make me cry forever. Carol needed that. i needed that. Lydia, someone who she hurt with her reckless behavior to be there for her, to understand her, to hold her and just show her she cares. ok. i’m emotional. i can’t.

then Daryl... he’s just waiting with the group, when Carol and Lydia arrive singing praises to each other like the proudest newest bffs. i can’t help but think Daryl is once again feeling let down cause Carol decided to risk her life by herself again, albeit with Lydia’s help, but he’s got no time to consider it. he just checks her up and down, making sure she’s in no way injured and that breaks my heart into a million pieces. no matter what she does, he really just wants her to be ok. 

Daryl hesitates just a little tiny bit before saying he’s good and ask her if it’s finally over, if she got what she wanted. she completely avoids looking at him when she says she didn’t and won’t get what she wants, still “you still got me” and she breaks down cause she really thought she had lost him. she’s so unsure, she’s so insecure, she’s so lost that she really thought she could ever do anything to really push him away. ican’t. all he wants is to touch her and i’m not imagining this. he is the one that makes that hug happen because she needs it but he needs it too. she’s back. she’s here. omg, these two are the biggest love fools in history.

it’s such a tender moment, when this idiot got the audacity to smile and tease Carol about New Mexico again. and he seems so hopeful, but also a bit dejected when she once again fails to look him in the eye to say “maybe someday. we still have things to do here.” i really got this weird impression that he really just wants to leave all their baggage behind and start over brand new with her. he wants to take her away from all the pain and heartache and live a simpler life. he just wants to be with her. he isn’t thinking about responsibilities or anything else in that moment. 

Carol is not there yet. she’s gotta want to make amends with people she let down, and i do think she is still thinking about Connie. she wants to find her, and at the moment, she does seems like the only one who’s thinking about her. and that brings me back to Carol’s biggest insecurity. she still doesn’t think she is good, she’s certain not good enough for Daryl even if it’s what she wants the most. idie a little.

SO i don’t think Carol and Daryl are ok. he still doesn’t believe she means it when she says she’s still here, and she’s gonna have to work really hard to prove that no matter what she’s there for him. they are both still in a weird situation where they are totally clueless what they mean to each other. Daryl has to be wondering where does Carol and Zeke’s relationship stand, while Carol is convinced he’s interested in Connie. that’s what they are for sure gonna be working on healing their relationship, their trust in each other, and learning to really open up to each other about their real feelings.

i am absolutely not worried at all because Angela and Gimple both already confirmed the Carol/Daryl spin off will have a different tone, and the characters are finally gonna be comfortable in their own skins. they will finally find themselves and find a way to work together on opening up. they will be finally in a peaceful state of mind that allows them to be content, if not damn happy. that’s what i’m hoping for. no matter what happens, Carol and Daryl will decide to leave everything behind, get on the bike and runaway together. that’s so f*ckn romantic....

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

May I request GHJPU for Sebastian? Sebby needs more love :D (eee sorry if any of this overlapped or its too much, have a cookie for your troubles 🍪)

DID SOMEBODY SAY LOVING SEBASTIAN HOURS!?!?!?!?! FERAL EYE GLEAM

Bless your heart!!! Sebastian has found a new and very dear place in my heart as of late, I would be delighted to offer my thoughts!!!!! :D (your cookie offering has been accepted with the utmost glee 🍪, I hope my humble writing efforts will bring you equal joy, lovely~💖💖💖) 

G = Gifts (How does he feel about gift giving? What are his habits when it comes to this?) 

Awwww haha, baby boy Sebby is honestly a very observant and reliable kind of S/O, I think. He will notice even the tiniest of changes in MC’s expression--the slightest shifts in her temperament. As a result of his attentive nature he has an easy time deducing the things she might like, always makes a mental note of where her eyes linger. Is there a classic she once loved in her time being published for the first time in their era, on display at a bookstore nearby? Noted. Does she hover near shops filled with self-care products--things like scented candles or lotions or bath salts, things she considers indulgent luxuries? Noted. Is there an outfit that caught his eye in a boutique, something he thinks would complement her complexion perfectly? Noted. 

The thing about Sebastian is that his gifts will be heartfelt, timely, and devastatingly thoughtful. Whether something small or something lavish it will always be precisely what she needs/wants, and she can sense the loving care he put into finding the perfect gift.

H = Holding Hands (When/how does he like to hold hands?)

Honestly? Sebastian has spent the better part of his life alone. His circumstances weren’t the worst; for all that he’s lost in his life he never went hungry, lived comfortably. But...that doesn’t change the fact that his life has been fairly devoid of meaningful human contact. Even in college, friends and close colleagues were hard to come by. The few people he did develop budding feelings for he always gave up on long before it could become any kind of substantial relationship. He was always the type to admire from afar, never really felt worthy of the people he liked.

It was MC that was the first to reach out to him, and for the first little while in their relationship she will be the one most naturally inclined to reach for him. He isn’t really used to having someone by his side like this, somebody who would be delighted to hold his hand--who wants to be close to him. It’s always a shock when they go grocery shopping and he just feels her fingers wrap gently around his. She blushes a little and says something about not wanting to get separated, but it’s clear what her real motivation was.

After those first few months, it becomes much more natural for him to reach for her hand when they’re traveling somewhere together or when they’re alone. He likes to intertwine their fingers, loves the way they fit against his perfectly. His shyness wears off after a while, and it’ll be rare to see them together without them holding hands--unless they’re cooking or at work.

J = Jokes (Does he like to joke around with or prank her? How?)

Do you know how cats have their eyes all narrow thin pupil but then they go REALLY REALLY round? That’s Sebastian. I tend to refer to it as “Silly Time Mode Engaged.”

Now then, his kind of joking is very dry and very deadpan. It’s subtle and immediate, so if you’re not attuned to it it can be easy to miss. That, or people just look at him weird because they don’t quite get the connection he’s making and/or the delivery feels off because his facial expression doesn’t change at all, completely flat. That being said, one of his all time favorite things to do is to say something absurd or nigh histrionic (which tends to be uncharacteristic of him) and wait for the confused head turn/startled laughter to hit. He will make puns and play on words all the time--he puts his academic knowledge to good use.

“I swear when I first met you I was convinced you were an AI.” “Alexa taught me everything I know.” He’ll bow. “Oh? Do I have competition, in that case?” “Your speakers are suboptimal (he pokes her freckles), but you possess what Alexa lacks.” “And that would be?” He’ll gather her close, smiling against her lips. “My heart.” :D cutest robot I ever saw uwu

Bonus bc I have a problem: “Is stealing hearts in Alexa’s programming? Just to be safe, of course.” “I think it’s safe to say it isn’t within the parameters of her design--but that doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods just yet.” cue sounds of tickling and laughter

The other way Sebastian messes with MC is that he is an ENORMOUS tease in the bedroom. He’s very much the kind of lover that prefers to tantalize and draw things out; a long, slow seduction that will render MC immobile from the pleasure by the end. The promise of a kiss is almost always only a whisper of the feeling he intends to drown her in. Remember that Sebastian’s stoicism belies a nigh inhuman ardor and self-control. He’s more than willing to leave her wanting in order to fully capitalize on that desire later at night.

P = Pet Names (What does he like to call her?)

Other than her name? HE DOESN’T AHAAHAHAHAHA Just kidding of course, but given where he comes from pet names between couples aren’t...really a thing…(take it up with Japan, I Was Today Years Old, my sappy romantic ass would never survive)

The funny inverse of this though is that he does NOT fuck around with people that try to call MC pet names. When Arthur Tries It™ he canonically goes all steely saccharine, openly telling the others they’re together. So none of that “luv” or “doll” business, he will not have it (he won’t fight the purebloods on it because 1. they’re more like doting grandfathers than anything and 2. Sebastian does not have a death wish). If MC has a nickname of some kind, then I could see him using that or adding his own spin on it with a great deal of affection c:

U = Upset (How does he act when she’s upset?)

Whether he was the cause or not, Sebastian has a single modus operandi when his beloved is upset (and to anyone who’s upset really) and that is to offer gentle reassurance/an apology. He is very, very sensitive to the feelings of others and really takes it to heart when someone isn’t feeling well. That being said, he won’t always be overt about his concern--he’s more the type to do little things that offer constant support/reminders that he’s there for them. 

If it’s something more serious, he will do everything in his power to minimize the harm done and sooth the MC. His attempts to comfort her will be tender, muted, and consistent; prolonged hugs, doubles his offering of sweets, makes her favorite foods, gives her a relaxing bath salt to use--anything that he knows for certain will coax her lips up into a smile. He’s the type to freely offer space for her to figure things out if she needs it, but he will also be watchful; he won’t let things escalate if she needs externalized support to heal (bc lbr some problems we can’t solve alone ;-;).

His other go-to method is to offer distractions in any capacity that he can. Will offer to teach her a new recipe, or find a new type of flower he wants to plant together, or make up some kind of project he needs help with. Sometimes he’ll genuinely need the help, but most of the time he does it for the express purpose of getting her mind away from negative things and focused on him/the present. It’s hard to dwell on upsetting things when you’re body is physically demanding something else from you, even more so if it’s a fairly complex task. She’s known to be very dutiful; she’ll be so focused on doing a good job she’ll forget the sadness/irritation for a bit and the intensity of the emotion might ebb slightly.

If the issue is lighter, he’ll probably just cuddle/tickle her back to fighting spirit, pressing kisses wherever he can reach until she starts giggling. In these instances he prefers to hug her from behind, a reminder that she doesn’t have to face anything unpleasant or unnerving all on her own; he’ll always be there to hold her steady whenever she needs him. 

And rest assured, this man is always gathering data to optimize his comfort capabilities. He is incredibly adaptable, and will always be watching her reactions closely to adjust his strategies.

[gffa]

I was talking with @himboskywalker​ about Tolkien and fandom and fic, because I’m always curious where people’s “area” of the wider Legendarium are at, whether they’re a fan of the Dwarves or the Humans or the Elves or the Valar or what!  (As a surprise to absolutely no one, the Elves are where my heart is at, where I very much love the Noldor, but if you give me a choice I’m going to run over to that Sindar-centric fic every time.) Which got us onto the topic of fic recs, where, yes, I’ve done a LOT of Tolkien fic recs but I tend to read something of a wide variety and this is a list specifically aimed at those who are familiar with the wider Tolkien world, but haven’t really read much fic and want to know where to start! Other Recs First: - If you haven’t gotten further into Tolkien’s work (like say beyond the movies), I’ve done something of a primer here, which includes fic recs and brief explanations and links to videos that help explain some things.  It’s not as hard as it seems to get involved, honest! - Some other fic recs here, as an addition to the above. - My Tolkien blog (which I haven’t been on in awhile, though, I haven’t let it go in my heart yet) has, I’m not kidding, A LOT of fic recs, I did recs regularly for about three years, so it’s almost as massive as my collection of SW recs. If I Could Only Pick Three To Start You With: ✦ And What Happened After by thearrogantemu - This is the fic that took me from enjoying the Silm characters to diving face-first into really loving them, because it wove such an engaging story about the characters sailing to Aman at the end of LOTR, where various characters you wouldn’t think interacting would be as meaningful as they are, but the fic absolutely sells them on it.  Frodo and Feanor having a conversation about language?  Sam and Maglor sharing a boat to the West?  These things are amazing, as this is a fic about healing and what it means to sail into the Undying Lands.  Also, it has a Feanor and Fingolfin reunion that literally put tears in my eyes. ✦ Interrupted Journeys by ellisk - I’m generally not someone who does a lot of rereading of fic just because I have so many new ones to get to, but I’ve read my favorites in this series (parts 3 to 5 are my sweet spot especially) probably four times through now because “Elfling Legolas growing up in Greenwod with a whole cast of characters around him, as the Shadow so very, very slowly creeps towards them” may sound somewhat simple, but the worldbuilding here is off the scale.  The weaving in of how much the First Age and various Elven politics influenced Thranduil’s ruling of a Silvan people is a major theme, but it’s also good parents raising that precious Elfling right and he and his cousins+friends getting into all sorts of mischief, so it’s balanced between humor and drama in the exact amounts I want.  You can skip the first two fics and jump into the third if you like, which is when Legolas is introduced, but I enjoy the whole thing. ✦ Return to Aman OR Quenta Narquelion by bunn - I can’t pick between these two, they’re both incredible.  Return to Aman is basically “Elrond grabs Maglor and drags him to Aman with them” and it breaths such incredible lift into all the characters of Aman, it doesn’t negate the terrible things the Feanorians did, but neither does it negate Elrond’s love for them and his biological family, too.  It’s another fic that’s about healing and forgiveness and it made me glow to read it.  Quenta Narquelion is basically “Feanor refused the call of Mandos after he died and everything started to snowball from there” and it’s an absolutely heartbreaking look at all our Problematic Fave Feanorians and how they were once good people trying to do the best they could, but bit by bit they slipped into the dark.  It’s especially amazing for capturing the complexities of Feanor, as he hovers over his children as a spirit and it really brought me around on his character. The Silmarillion and other First Age Batshit Faves: ✦ The Starlit Sky by Cirth is the fic that really made me get the potential of reading about Maedhros and Maglor raising Elrond and Elros, where it does such a fantastic job of showing that there was genuine affection there, even the midst of all the angst and trauma and pain.  You really get why Elrond could never give up on them, after reading this fic. ✦ In Courts of Living Stone by ncfan - “What if Maeglin never left Nan Elmoth and instead, several decades later, found himself on an errand to Menegroth and developed a relationship with Finduilas instead?” isn’t a fic I expected to capture my heart, but boy did it ever.  Beautiful characterization and beautiful writing, it really captured my imagination, but also gave me ALLLLLL the Maeglin feelings, as well as made me pine that this Finduilas couldn’t have been more common in fandom. ✦ naught but the shores and the sea by ncfan is more of Elrond and Maglor, where it’s an AU that has Elrond finding Maglor after the disastrous attempt to recover the Silmarils and I loved it a lot. ✦ The Crane Wife by Trebia is one that takes an underused character from Tolkien (Lalwen, in this case) and breathes this incredible life into her, gives her personality and joy and sorrow and meaning and, look, any fic that can convince me that Thranduil would marry a Noldo and utterly believe it, you know it’s well-written! The Second Age Is Kind of Quiet in Fandom But I Love It Regardless: ✦ The Art of Long-Distance Grandparenting by Kazaera is a lovely and bittersweet (but mostly lighter in tone) fic about the separation of the Sea between family members and does a wonderful job with Idril’s character, as she tries to stay connected to her grandchildren while being so distant from them and unable to see them, unless they choose to come to Aman.  There’s joy to be found here and it’s a lovely read. ✦ Relativity by French Pony is a lovely look at the final meeting between Elrond and Elros and strikes the right amount of bittersweetness, where it’s awkward and difficult and heartbreaking, but also feels natural and like this was how it was meant to be.  I had many, many Elven Twin feelings during the whole thing.  (I like all their fic, they’re worth checking out their other stuff for, too!) ✦ A Thing or Two About Elrond by Crookneck is a series of fics about Elrond and the various relationships he has--with Celebrian, with his children, with Gil-Galad, etc.--and I remember being really charmed by all of them and how much shit Elrond has seen over the course of his life. The Third Age, Lord of the Rings Version: ✦ Boromir's Return by Osheen Nevoy - This one is sort hard to summarize, but it’s basically “Boromir lives, makes a friend, and slowly changes everything about the LOTR plot”, but it’s so much more than that, where the worldbuilding is phenomenal, the pacing is incredible, it made me fall in love with Boromir as a character all over again, it contains probably the best portrayal of Denethor I’ve ever read in fandom, and I really loved the OC and so on.  It’s utterly engrossing and honestly I cannot recommend it highly enough, even if you’re not usually into this sort of thing. ✦ The River by Indigo Bunting is a fic where Legolas and Sam get separated from the others for a brief time and I love fics that take two characters who don’t interact much, throw them into an intense situation, and sees what happens.  It’s not precisely a light-hearted fic, it’s very intense, but it’ll make you fall in love with the sheer good in both characters and the friendship they develop.  It’s brilliantly written and I cannot recommend it enough. ✦ A Bit of Rope by Aiwendiel is a fic where Gandalf doesn’t fall at Moria and it changes everything--not necessarily for the better.  The slow, creeping sense of things changing, things going just a little bit worse here and there, until you realize how much darker the Fellowship’s journey could have been, was brilliantly done, and one I thought did justice to the idea, it’s not grimdark, there’s still light and hope here, but it makes you feel like, oh, maybe things happened as they did for a reason, even as hard as that seemed sometimes.  Gorgeously plotted and utterly engrossing. The Third Age, Mirkwood Version: ✦ daw the minstrel has an entire series of fics about Legolas growing up in Mirkwood and there’s absolutely a reason why she was one of the most well-known authors in that corner of fandom.  Her ability to create new characters (including two brothers for Legolas) was incredible, I cared so much about the family dynamics and got swept up in the drama (which was in a very loving family, but Legolas was definitely a mischief-seeker) and they’re fantastic.  If you find yourself in something of a stretch with too many OCs and your attention wavers, you can always skip around, they don’t have to be read in order and a lot of the non-canon characters can be skimmed over, imo. ✦ In a Field of Blood and Stone by ScribeofArda is so much better than what The Hobbit movies gave us of the Battle of Five Armies, it does such beautiful justice to the complicated character of Thranduil and Legolas, not sacrificing the warmth there for how difficult these times are and the war they find themselves in the middle of.  This Bard is also really engaging and fun to read--I read pretty much the entire novel’s worth in, like, a day or two because I could not put this one down. ✦ Swordplay and Swimming by cliodna_bright has an incredible meeting where Thranduil comes to visit Rivendell, runs into Elladan and Elrohir, who are young enough that they speak without thinking, and it’s not precisely a humor fic, but I was screaming the entire time because it’s so sharply written and so absolutely delightful, I LOVE IT. ✦ Deep and Crisp and Even by rivlee made me fall in love with how Elves and humans may look very similar, but there’s this sense of otherworldliness to the Elves, as shown through Bard’s eyes when he has a meeting with Thranduil.  Beautifully written and just the right amount of atmospheric. The Fourth Age Where Everything Actually Does Mostly Work Out: ✦ Far Horizons by Bodkin is the Fourth Age fic of my heart, where the various Elves that we came to know in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are all in Aman and decide to build their own realm there.  Which is difficult because Elven Politics even just amongst themselves, much less clashing with all the established politics of the other Elven realms in Aman!  But it’s a light-hearted fic (for the most part) that’s about healing and moving forward, balancing their ties to their history versus that Middle-Earth changed them, and I love it for soothing my soul.  (Thranduil sailed, you can’t tell me otherwise!!!)(Bonus moments of Glorfindel being pretty hilarious.)  I like all of bodkin’s work, but this one has a special place with me. ✦ Age of Healing by trollmela is one where Maedhros and Legolas have a conversation in Aman and it’s about the bittersweetness of healing and how difficult it is, taking two characters who would never have met in canon and weaving something entirely engaging and poignant out of it. Collections That Span The Ages: ✦ This Taste of Shadow by Mira_Jade - This is a collection of dozens of various shorter stories (or sometimes 10k “ficlets”) that you can largely skip around in if you have specific characters you like or you can just start at the beginning and read through.  It contains looks at pretty much everyone, from Maedhros to Galadriel to Thranduil to Elrond to Caranthir to Glorfindel to the Valar, etc.  I’ve enjoyed pretty much everything I’ve read in this collection! ✦ Fiondil's Tapestry and Tales from Vairë's Loom by Fiondil are in the same vein and I have really enjoyed everything I’ve read from both of them!  I especially remember that there was one chapter that had a scene between Thranduil and Cirdan and thinking, ahhhh, why has no one ever written that before!? as an example of the neat things it does.  But also lots about Elrond and Glorfindel and the Valar and so on! This probably doesn’t feel like a super extensive list, but those collection series will give you an excellent spanning of Elves, Humans, Dwarves, Hobbits, etc., not just the same central characters, but giving time to a lot of lesser focused ones as well.  Like, I feel I’ve read a fair chunk of Elwing fic, but I couldn’t point you to a specific one in my list of recs, which means I’m pretty sure it was in the collections ones or else she got some good scenes in one of the Aman-based fics, so I swear the above is at least a solid place to start for dipping one’s toe into Tolkien fic. AS ALWAYS, OTHER PEOPLE’S RECS ARE WELCOME, god knows I haven’t read anything in the last two years (and will have missed a lot even before that) and so I always need more recs, too!

[hereformcdonaldshonestly]

Mini Series!

Prompt: How the Class 1-A Students and Mack and Hannah Would Get Along

Paring: Mack x Class of 1-A (Platonic!)

Summary: How will Mack and Hannah get along with the members of Class 1-A? This is talk about what they like about each character, what they don’t, and how they get along together.

Genre: Fluff 💖

Notes: This is a mini-series I’ll be doing with @onlyherefordrpepper! She’ll be doing a version of her own with the MCYT members. This is how the characters react to our OCs(self-inserts so everything is pretty close to us in real life) Hannah and Mackenzie (or Mack)! There will be more information on the OC’s before the headcanon is started! This is Part 1A so that means we’ll be doing Mack first!

TW(?): This does have mentions of blood in it due to Mack's quirk!

Background info!: Mackenzie is probably more on the organized and focused side of things. She's a huge introvert, but she will talk to people! She tends to be competitive and reserved. She is academically and athletically focused, but she is very intelligent. Her best friend is Hannah, you'll get to read more about her soon, and they tend to act as if they were sisters. She has long blonde hair and green eyes. Her cheeks tend to stay red, so basically blushing! Now onto the fun part, her hero name is Redd! Mack's quirk is Blood Manipulation, its type is emitter. The quirk allows the user to control their own blood and harden, some drawbacks are that is too much blood loss can be fatal and the user can heal their own skin if cut by themselves but cannot if someone else cuts it. Her ultimate move is the Red Reaper! It can make a scythe out of her blood and harden it to make it a powerful weapon temporarily, can make wings and weapons out of blood, harden blood, can use blood as a shield against anything, user can have up to 5 cuts before it gets fatal. She usually wears a pair of skinny jeans or jean shorts with a cute shirt or crop top, but her hero suit is here! (I couldn't find the artist, I'm sorry!!)

Yuga Aoyama

Mack wouldn't mind being around Yuga! He would help her anytime she needed fashion advice and honestly, he would probably pick up on her bad days. While they may not be that close, they would consider each other friends! Since he is easily frightened, he would probably hide behind her if he got scared! She would try and help him be less insecure about his quirk by telling him "sparkle beams are awesome!"

Mina Ashido

Mack and Mina would be good friends! Since she is more on the goofy side, Mack can open up a bit to her and have a good time! Mina and her usually go shopping together and hang out with friends, or they'll have a small get-together. Now here's the fun part, Mina tried to teach her how to dance and it failed miserably! With Mack having two left feet at times, this caused her to almost fall many, many times.

Tsuyu Asui

In a way, Tsuyu and Mack are both very blunt. This can cause some problems but overall, they're still good friends! They rarely argue based on the fact they are both mature, but they do have a lot of great moments together! Anytime Mack does have bad days, Tsuyu always listens and if Tsu is ever having a rough day, she knows Mack is there for her! One of their favorite things to do together is hiking, with Mack liking nature anyways, it was a great combination!

Tenya Iida

She and Tenya are pretty close! She usually tries to talk to him every day, they study together and hang out together! With her being mature and him being very determined about academics, it works out! He is one of the few people that she'll open up to besides Hannah, Katsuki, and Momo. She would in a way consider him a best friend.

Ochaco Uraraka

Mack and Ochaco are okay with each other! While the two may not talk often, they don't mind hanging out. Whether it's at a social friend or hanging out with close friends. She wishes she would be able to talk to her more but still is content with the friendship she has with Uraraka.

Denki Kaminari

She and Denki would definitely be good friends! I feel like anytime he tries to "flirt" she would bug him about it and make fun of him slightly. He would laugh with it about it, never taking offense. They both would joke around and probably be chaotic together, but she would be more of the responsible one and making sure he was okay.

Eijirou Kirishima

Mack and Eijirou would definitely be good friends! He and her would probably get into all kinds of stuff together! The main thing would be training, and going against each other! They both agreed that he would probably be the hardest to go against based on her quirk, so they agreed to help each other improve.

Koji Koda

Koji and Mack would get along great! They both love animals and nature! She always talks about her two dogs at home and they'll take walks by the river to see how many animals they can find! Once Mack talks about wanting to learn sign language, he wants to help! He'll spend time with her, teaching her sign language, and will help her improve on it!

Rikido Sato

Rikido and Mack would be okay with each other! They don't talk often but when they do it's about different baking recipes. She expressed how she wants to learn how to bake better and he offered to help. They did make a cake one time for the entire Class 1A! He taught her different cupcake recipes!

Mezo Shoji

Mack and Mezo would get along great! While they may not be close, they still are good friends! He's very sweet and even was willing to take a hit during a mission. She always tells him that if he needs someone to talk to, she's there for him. She even told him that she would take a hit for him, while they may not talk a lot but they care about each other. She even admitted that she wasn't scared of him, he could feel his heart melt at that.

Kyoka Jirou

Kyoka and Mack get along pretty well! While they are not close friends, you will catch them both talking about different bands and music! One of the main things that got them talking was her love for music! Mack expressed how she used to play drums when she was younger and trying to work on guitar, that made Kyoka super excited and they even spent one evening teaching each other about the drums and guitar!

Hanta Sero

Hanta and Mack have a pretty good relationship! While he is loud and showy at times, she puts up with it, even if it gets on her nerves. But overall they have a pretty laid-back friendship, they hang out but they still do their own thing. Whenever they were on a mission, Mack ended up falling, shocking I know, one of the most clumsiest people fell, but he used his tape to patch up that tiny scratch. At the time he thought it was necessary while Mack just laughed and let him do it, not trying to crush his dreams.

Fumikage Tokyami

Mack and Fumikage are friends! They're not close, with Tokyami not talking to many people, but they can hold a conversation! They will talk about different horror series, books, movies, anything really! She wishes they could talk more but she knows he's pretty quiet and won't force it. He does talk about his quirk to her, expressing his insecurities and she's there to listen.

Shoto Todoroki

Shoto and Mack are pretty good friends! While they don't talk every day, they would still be considered as close. At first, she thought he was cold, but as he warmed up to her they started talking more. He would consider her as one of his close friends! She even got him something for his birthday, while it wasn't a lot, he does appreciate it very much. It was a book, something he was talking about for a while. So whenever her birthday rolled around, he got her one as well! Their relationship is simple yet meaningful.

Toru Hagakure

She and Mack talk sometimes! While yes they don't talk often, but they don't mind hanging out together! They usually find topics to talk about, like how Toru collects plushies and Mack talked about some of her older ones she's had since she was young. They have tried to plan more days for them to hang out to get to know each other!

Katsuki Bakugou

Oh boy here we go! Mack and Katsuki get along great, or as best as one could with Katsuki Bakugou. She's one of the only ones to challenge him and try to outdo him, but he cares about her greatly. Whether he likes to admit it or not, he is developing feelings for her while she is doing the same! They'll hang out and talk every day, or whenever they can, and she feels that she can always go to him. She's one of the only people he doesn't blow up on, well not too bad at least. It does make it interesting to see two hot-headed people going head to head in a competition!

Izuku Midoriya

She and Izuku talk sometimes! While sometimes he does get on her nerves, just a tiny bit, she still is nice and respectful to him. He always wishes they could hang out more so she helped him with training. Anytime they do hang out, he always tries to learn more about her quirk and how it works! She listens through his rambles of heroes and their quirks.

Minoru Mineta

Ew, god no. Mack HATES him, one of the only people she hates. He tries to make comments and tries to terribly flirt like Mineta does. She usually asks him how big his balls are, he says huge, she picks on him saying "not on your head!" he usually gets all red and storms off. She hates anytime he does try to "flirt" and honestly even trying to talk to her. She tries to avoid him as much as possible because if she doesn't, you might see a tiny grape man flying across the field.

Momo Yaoyorozu

She and Momo are really good friends! Since they are so much alike, with academics and her determination. They train together, study together, and just hanging out! She does help Mack with insecurities and honestly is there for her no matter what. While she doesn't approve of her crush on Katsuki, Momo is always there to support her. Whenever the final exams occurred, Mack helped encourage Momo, along with Todoroki's help, and let her know that she's badass and always will be!

Mack's POV

"....and I guess that's why I'm the mom of the group. No matter how weird or hotheaded they are, they're my friends and my family. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I hope they feel the same." I write, finally putting my pen down and closing my notebook. I smile as I look at the picture of me and my friends, standing up and stretching. "Come on Mack! We're going to be late, I want my boba! Bakugou and Kiri will drink it all!" I hear Hannah calling from outside my door. I laugh and grab my jacket. I'm so glad to have them in my life.

I hope you have a great day!

[mediaevalmusereads]

Silver in the Wood. By Emily Tesh. New York: Tor, 2019.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: fantasy novella

Part of a Series? Yes, The Greenhollow Duology #1

Summary:  There is a Wild Man who lives in the deep quiet of Greenhollow, and he listens to the wood. Tobias, tethered to the forest, does not dwell on his past life, but he lives a perfectly unremarkable existence with his cottage, his cat, and his dryads. When Greenhollow Hall acquires a handsome, intensely curious new owner in Henry Silver, everything changes. Old secrets better left buried are dug up, and Tobias is forced to reckon with his troubled past—both the green magic of the woods, and the dark things that rest in its heart.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: violence, blood, body horror

Overview: I can’t remember how I stumbled upon this book, but I love fantasy and folklore, so here we are. While I do think that Silver in the Wood had the beginnings of a good novella, I ultimately wanted more out of it. I wanted more atmosphere and more human(ish) connection, and instead, I feel like most of what I was reading was surface-level in order to accommodate the shortened length of the book as a whole. The lore was definitely fun, and I loved the dryads and all the wiles of the forest, but unfortunately, this book only gets 3 stars from me.

Writing: Tesh had a difficult job in that she had to fit a grand fantasy story into a short amount of space. In my opinion, the length is mostly what holds her back. I felt like I was being told a lot of things, rather than shown, and mostly because there just wasn’t room to delve deeper into the characters’ emotions, the feeling of the setting, etc. For example, I remember being told again and again that Henry Silver was flirting with Tobias Finch, but I never got descriptions of longing gazes, lingering touches, or anything else that would show me attraction between the two characters. As a result, I didn’t quite feel like there was chemistry between the two.

The same can be said for the rest of the novella, I think. We’re told that Tobias lives in a forest, and it’s old and spooky, but while there were some nice descriptors here and there, I didn’t feel like the setting was a character in its own right. I wanted the age and the magic of the forest to feel more threatening, more wily. Instead, I felt like the forest was reduced to “just trees” on account on the lack of description of how the forest makes people feel.

But barring all that, I think Tesh does a fairly good job of making her sentences flow together well. The prose is easy to read and moves at a fairly quick pace, and I think if you’re into skimming, you can definitely do that.

Plot: The plot of this novella follows 400 year old “wild man” Tobias Finch, who must rescue his crush, Henry Silver (a “practical folklorist”) from the grips of Finch’s former lover/associate, Fabian (an immortal, mischievous forest sprite, of sorts). To be honest, I thought this story had potential, but it ultimately ended up feeling flat for me for a number of reasons: A.) there’s no real buildup of emotions between Tobias and Silver, and B.) the lore behind Fabian and Tobias’s past is not given enough weight or room to breathe.

The plot of this novella also takes something of an awkward turn near the end when the story goes from enchanting forest fairy tale to the formation of a kind of “monster hunting agency.” It’s at this point that time skips around and doesn’t add too much to the story; characters just seem to be waiting. If Tesh really wanted time to pass and make it more meaningful, I think devoting that space to exploring feelings of loneliness and sadness would have worked. But as it stands, this novella feels a little awkward and the plot without much shape. It’s not helped by the fact that the ending tries to insert some grander message of self-healing and finding one’s freedom that I didn’t pick up on throughout the rest of the novella.

Characters: Tobias, our main protagonist, is a 400 year old “wild man” bound to the forest. I wanted to find him more interesting than I did - for a wild man, he didn’t seem all that much different from a regular human (except for maybe his untamed hair and age). I wanted Tobias to be a little more otherworldly than he was, and if Tesh was really interested in the tumultuous feelings Tobias had with the forest, I think some of that angst could have come through more consistently.

Henry Silver is a “practical folklorist” and love interest of Tobias. While I did think Silver was charming (I loved his over-eager desire to collect folk tales and use them to impress Tobias), I think more could have been done to make him feel like a proper love interest. I had trouble seeing the chemistry between him and Tobias - in fact, it seems like Silver falls for Tobias the instant he sees him, and there’s no longing that would suggest they have a desire for one another.

Silver’s mother shows up later in the novella, and while I liked her feistiness, I don’t think she was necessary for the plot. Most of what she does is kick Tobias into action before practically disappearing, and I think that purpose could have been served by a dryad or else the Silver family relationship (and family business) be made more important to the plot.

Dryads were charming, but not very useful for much other than “flavor.” I liked the mischief of Bramble, but she never does much to make her feel like a character in her own right. Other dryads are present, but one exists mainly to be killed (in a scene which doesn’t feel like it belongs in the story, as most of the main plot isn’t centered on managing dryads or protecting villagers from them).

Perhaps the biggest disappointment was Fabian, the main antagonist. Fabian wasn’t on page much, and I don’t think talking about the villain does much to make me think that the villain is some formidable foe. I would have liked to see more angst between Fabian and Tobias, as well as some episodes early on where maybe Tobias is preparing for Fabian’s arrival, or maybe dealing with the fallout of one of Fabian’s earlier escapades. In short, Fabian was talked up a lot, but I didn’t feel like he was exceptionally dangerous when we actually got to see him.

TL;DR: Silver in the Wood is a charming fantasy novella, but ultimately doesn’t enchant readers with a strong sense of place. While the lore is bound to impress fairy tale enthusiasts, the rushed plot, surface-level romance, and lack of strong character development makes this story feel underdeveloped.

[sepublic]

King’s encouragement to Luz

           All right, but another thing I very much appreciate about Really Small Problems is… I think King is the first person to actively, openly tell Luz how much he likes her, and how much she means to him???

           I could be wrong. But throughout the show up until then, I don’t think we really ever have such a bold, blunt statement from anyone else; And obviously, actions speak a lot louder in words in their own way. Eda acts all cool and stand-offish, but clearly Luz means the world to her… And obviously Willow and Gus freaking LOVE Luz, even if they don’t say it outright!

           But I think King is the first person to tell Luz how much she means to him… To basically tell her that she means THE WORLD to him, that his relationship with her isn’t just some side-hobby or a lesser enjoyment; It’s legit one of the things that makes his entire world and existence! That he really WOULD give up a lot for her, that Luz actively takes priority in his life instead of being another friendship on the side!

           Keep in mind; Aside from Camila, who’s her own mother anyway… I think Luz never really got this sort of open affection from someone, prior to the Boiling Isles? She didn’t even have any real friends, and this kind of loneliness and rejection for being ‘weird’ definitely impacted her… It’s definitely led to Luz being someone who will do so much and everything for others, but never expecting the same back; Not JUST because she’s selfless and unconditional… But also because she doesn’t expect other people to like her, at least not that much! Subconsciously, without meaning to, I think Luz sees herself as a ‘second choice’ when it comes to friendship… That most people only hang out with her because they have no other option!

           (And THAT parallels how I low-key saw Eda viewing her relationship with Luz, up until the girl stuck around after learning of the curse, but I digress.)

           Luz doesn’t expect other people to hold her THAT high in regard, as having THAT much priority in their lives… Because no one else did. Even her own mother, who DID mean well, ultimately spoke with her actions when sending Luz to that Reality Camp; That she doesn’t unconditionally love Luz for who she is, that she holds the approval of society in higher regard and THAT means more to her… And while Camila never intended to say this and she’s obviously in an unenviable position, from Luz’s perspective this is still a devastating thing to go through.

           I think Luz low-key saw herself as someone who may have even burdened her mother with her presence; And even if Camila never felt that, Luz is still a child who’s reasonably insecure. Maybe Luz felt the need to be more ‘accommodating’ to others, in the hopes that she wouldn’t turn them away; That she can’t openly vouch for what SHE wants, because she can’t be greedy in life, she doesn’t actually mean THAT much to people, and them hanging around her is already showing a lot of grace as-is! Luz probably thought she should just be grateful to have companionship at all to begin with; Especially since it was such a rare commodity back home.

           So there’s this implicit idea and expectation of herself to do what others say, what others expect of you… Because they’re already sacrificing a lot just hanging around someone as annoying and inconvenient as you. Don’t ask for too much, just be a grateful, accommodating child/friend… Do what you can to make up for the kindness of people who go out of their way to hang out with someone like you, because clearly that’s a detriment and not something they actively do for their own enjoyment! And even if they DO do it for their enjoyment, Luz still isn’t that special to them…!

           And that might also tie into Luz’s obliviousness to Amity’s crush, as secretly, deep-down to an extent that not even SHE is aware of it… I think Luz sees herself as someone unlovable, as someone who has to justify people’s enjoyment of her, make herself ‘worth it’ to them! That others’ friendship to her is a pure gift, in the sense that they’re not getting much else from Luz herself, because obviously Luz doesn’t have a lot to offer that others don’t already do. She really undersells her own worth and how much she can mean to others… It leads to Luz wanting the best for others, but without really considering what SHE wants, or HER placement in their life, because it’s all about THEM as her childhood taught her! Some people are probably better off without her, without Luz actively hindering or dragging them down…

           That leads to Really Small Problems. King shrinks her friends, Willow and Gus? CLEARLY it means King is doing this out of spite because he actively dislikes them and/or is being selfish… Because Luz never considers that she really means this much to King, that she means SO much that King prioritizes his friendship with her over all others! Obviously, I’m not saying love should be ‘ranked’ or put into a hierarchy, with some friendships held over others…

           And, it’s low-key this mentality that leads to King even indulging in the accidental effects of Tibbles (sorry, Obvioso’s) potion. But the fact that he even values Luz this much, to do this sort of thing, to cut off any other possible relationship because he holds her in THAT high of a regard… It tells Luz that she’s someone whose presence is actively enjoyable, that being with her IS the gift that she keeps on giving! Luz doesn’t have to justify or make up for who she is, because being with Luz is what people actively desire; Moreso than a lot of other things, in fact!

           Not to mention, it’s a brilliant call-back to Sense and Insensitivity, another King-centric episode! In that episode, Luz tells King at the end that HE means a lot to her, that being with him is one of the best parts of her adventure in the Boiling Isles… But she never expects him to say the same to her, not because she thinks King is a bad person, but because she really doesn’t value what she has to give or offer, as someone who probably has messed up a lot and requires a lot of patience to be around? Luz likely sees herself as a draining friend, that after a short while someone has enough of her and then has to go off and do literally anything else… She doesn’t realize that she’s someone who gives enjoyment, that she isn’t just tolerated but loved! Luz learns from King in Really Small Problems that his specific relationship with her means something to special to him, that it’s not just replacable and interchangeable, and he’d actively sabotage his other potential friendships for it!

           And obviously, THAT last part is a bad thing; But King also acknowledges this as well, as part of his character development of course! Obviously King doing this because he truly loves and values Luz doesn’t excuse it… In the same way that Camila loving Luz, or Lilith loving Eda, doesn’t excuse what they did. But King at least makes the effort to be honest about his love, about where he DID go wrong, and then change it… And obviously it helps that the situation became life-threatening and thus pressured him to do this, a lot more quickly for him (within the span of a night) than for Lilith (who had decades before Belos threatened to execute her).

           But in the end, I should mention that King doesn’t just act like him doing this because he loves Luz that much automatically excuses it; From his perspective, that was never in question, it was about allowing Willow and Gus to be friends with Luz that needed to be acknowledge! But from Luz’s perspective… It better helps her understand WHY King did what he did, while also enhancing how meaningful it is for King to actively apologize and make up for his mistakes. Just knowing she means this much to him helps Luz realize that she IS worth loving, that she’s lovable… And that in turn makes her so much happier and confident as a person!

           That people would WANT to be with Luz… that they’d actively choose her over ‘better’ options, just as Luz and King chose to hang with Eda even after the curse, because even though that arguably made her dangerous and a liability… Eda just meant that much to them! Luz isn’t to King his ‘least painful’ option, she’s the one he loves and cares for most! King making it clear that Luz is one of the best things about his life, is a brilliant call-back and tie-in to Luz doing the same back in Sense and Insensitivity… Because now BOTH of them realize how much they mean to one another, and how much it says that they’re good, lovable people who have a lot to offer and don’t need to actively justify their existence or companionship with others! Just being with these two is already enough…

          Why else would Eda hang around, after all? King may have understood this, although I think Luz potentially had some doubts because she didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment… Eda always being rather closed-off and tsundere when it comes to showing affection possibly contributed, amidst her not being one for blatantly-open gestures of affection. But also, maybe Luz was low-key afraid that Eda was merely tolerating her… Because Eda had the power in the Owl House here. Luz and King chose Eda and that means a lot because they could’ve had ‘other options’, but it’s not like Eda has anyone else to choose from between Luz and King…

          Well besides Lilith, but Luz mostly knows that Eda’s dislike of the Coven System is keeping them from reuniting, like Lilith she doesn’t fully understand that there’s more to the divide than just that. Plus, Lilith actively rejected Eda’s lifestyle, so it’s not like she’s an ‘option’ for Eda… Eda bears with Luz and King, because who else does she have? And while King may or may not have such doubts, perhaps Luz was afraid that Eda’s love for her was also conditional… Hence why she felt like she ‘owed’ Eda and thus had to risk her life to get the Healing Hat, just to pay her back for all of the other gracious things she did! Because Luz didn’t realize that just being with the girl was already ‘payment’ enough for Eda.

           And THAT ties into another meta/analyses post I made, about how Eda made sure to remind Luz when they reunited in YBOS about how much the girl means to her, that Luz doesn’t owe her anything and that Eda’s decisions are her own, not necessarily as a begrudgingly-obligated reaction to Luz’s mistakes or whatever… Actions speak a lot louder than words, usually, as shown with how Eda clearly loved Luz even before she outright said it; But let’s be real here, words also certainly do a lot to help, especially to tie off the previous actions that people do for one another out of love! By the end of Season 1, Luz fully affirms her relationships with King and Eda respectively, and vice-versa; That they really mean THAT much to one another, and would give the world for each other…

          That each would sacrifice a lot, just for the sake of being with the other, or even seeing the other be happy with or without them; Which ties into how King was willing to risk his life to fix his mistakes in Really Small Problems, outright saying he was fine with losing Luz’s friendship (either by dying or through rejection), because at least Luz would be happy! And it’s this kind of selfless, unconditional love that they show for one another… Not just to enjoy the other, but to let the other enjoy themselves as their own individual, regardless of whether or not Luz/King/Eda is with them to benefit from their presence!

           It’s a beautiful kind of love… That not only is just being with YOU the end-goal and reward for me; But you mean so much to me, that I just want you to be happy, regardless of whether or not I’m there to enjoy you or not! I love you to an extent where it’s no longer about what you do to make me happy, it’s about just seeing you be happy… It’s about you, not me! And it means so muchto Luz, Eda, and King to hear this from one another. It does so much to affirm their confidence and self-esteem in themselves as people who are worth loving, as people who aren’t inherently screw-ups, and as people who can continue to make their own decisions and relationships on their own, as their own worthwhile individuals! It tells each of them that they’re perfectly valid in loving themselves…

           TL;DR Really Small Problems is actually a very underrated episode; As-is King and the surprising amount of depth and growth to his character! I would even argue that it’s the culmination of his growth in Season 1! Obviously Enchanting Grom Fright and King’s reconciliation with Gus helps to cap off this development as an addendum, while subsequent episodes have King as either a minor character, or in the case of the Season Finale, affirming the growth he’s had… Regardless, it’s an episode that actually means a lot for King, and like him it deserves a lot more appreciation as being more than just ‘enjoyable’, or cute and funny, but actually meaningful as well!

[inbarfink]

I believe Greg’s claims that his family situation was horrible. When a grown-up man feels like he has no other choice but to run away from his family (remember, Greg was, like, 20 when he left) and then has absolutely nothing good to say about them for years and years later - that’s an indictment of the parents, not the son. They forced him into activities that had nothing to do with his actual intersts (including wrestling which can be... very unpleasant when you’re not into it), and absolutely forbade him from anything associated with the thing he actually LIKED, music. They didn’t allow him to dress and look the way he wanted and not in a “I am not letting my toddler wear the same shirt for 20 days in a row way’, in a “your son is 18 and you are still forcing him to cut his hair the way YOU want it to look”. That’s bad, that’s really bad. Greg wasn’t just sick of a ‘boring, mundane life on the suburbs with too much meatloaf’, he was suffocated in a toxic household.

And I understand why Greg was upset and defensive when Steven started with his ‘maybe your parents had a point’ thing. It must hurt to hear your son, the only family you really have in this world, defend the family you ran away from. Steven’s not thinking totally straight, he accuses Greg of keeping him away from his grandparents but he saw the stacks of unopened letters - implying that Greg has TRIED to keep in contact with them but the DeMayos were the one who refused. He’s focusing on the image of normalcy and humanity that the DeMayos house represents, on school and friends and graduations and home-cooking and adorable spoon collections - and not on Greg feeling they could never accept him and that he had to hide his most treasured possessions from his parents.

But ALSO Greg should apologize to Steven and work to be a better parent. Steven wouldn’t have been happier under an upbringing as strict and overcontrolling as the DeMayos. But Greg’s only two options weren’t “toxic overbearing ‘normalcy’” and ‘living in a van and never going to school’ - he is at fault for going into the absolute extreme opposite of his own upbringing and prehaps of projecting his own desires over Steven’s needs. Steven has told him, quite clearly, that he is upset about growing up without a stable roof over his head, about missing out on school (which both an opportunity for his future and a chance to expand his peer group and make a lot more friends), about never going to a doctor’s (nobody could guess what effect Rose’s healing powers could have on Steven’s body! Steven really lucked out that he didn’t NEED to go to the Doc for most issues, but nobody could have guessed it!) and Greg’s response was just “Yeah, but what I had was worse!”. I understand why Greg’s instincts were to go on the defensive but he is the adult and the dad and Steven is his teenage son it’s Literally His Job to be the bigger person in the argument.

And just as I consider Greg’s seemingly 100% negative feelings about the DeMayos indictment enough that they were shitty parents, then I find Steven’s mixed feelings about Greg as an indictment that Greg’s parenting has been flawed. Steven is currently a very messed up teenager, and Greg is his dad; Steven’s healthy development and happiness is his responsibility! I understand why Greg Turned Up the Way That He Did considering his background, but he is at the very least complicit in many of the Shit That Fucked Steven’s Mental State to the point that it is today. Even if I accept the idea that Steven HAD to live off-the-grid due to being a Gem (and I don’t necessarily. Yeah, his mother is a Space Alien, but his dad is a US citizen and he was born on US soil, he can have a fucking Social Security Number), Greg could have... like... tried to find some sort of structured non-Gem activity that Steven might be intersted in (we’re not going Full DeMayo here) like an afterschool class or something to give Steven a chance to develop his nonmagical skills and bond with more children his age. Which would have lowered the amount of time Steven was stuck alone in the Beach House just waiting for the Gems to come back and allowed him to develop his interpersonal skills and create a bigger support network for himself... these are things that could have really helped Steven in the long-run!

Steven opened up to Greg about his issues (and we know how hard it is to Steven to actually open up!), and what Greg ended up offering to him was more about Greg than about Steven. The message of the “Mr. Universe” song is “you can be free! You can be anything!” and that was clearly so meaningful and touching to young Gregory DeMayo, but it is the exact opposite of what Steven Universe wanted and asked for - some sort of direction and stabillity. And it’s... not the worst mistake in the world for a parent to make, to try and give your kids what YOU want rather than what THEY want, especially when you are dealing with such a complex problem as Steven has. But when you realize the You solution isn’t working... you have to process that it’s not working because they are not You and they require a change is perspective and maaaaaybe they might feel a little hurt that you were projecting on them and might want an apology or at least an acknowledgement that that’s what you were doing and that you’re going to Not Do It now?

If you are a parent and you have a child who is as messed-up as Steven is right now, that is kinda your responsibility bcause your child is your responsibility. If you have a child that is mad at you, you should at least have the self-awareness to think about what you might have done wrong. If your child literally shouts at you something that basically means “the source of all of my problems is the fact that I am your son”, then... that at least requires some self-reflection. Steven said stuff that was Dumb and Wrong and Hurtful things in this car argument, that’s true. He WOULDN’T have been happy under the thumb of parents like the DeMayos, Greg probably was justified in cutting them off, it’s not his dad’s fault that he never meant his grandparents. But inside these dumb and hurtful things there is a kernel of real frustration and hurt. And instead of acknowledging that frustration; Showing some sort of regret for not being able to give Steven a more stable and ‘normal’ home life that he now desires, promising to do better in the future, even just a “sorry I messed up, I didn’t mean to mess you up”... Greg just acts like he ignores it completely.

If your child has an outburst that they was clearly ashamed of and was clearly Pretty Unhealthy, you can’t just say “I’m proud of you, you called me out on my bullshit. And if you do, you can at least, like... acknowledge that things you were called on in any way???? Rather than just make it about yourself and YOUR upbringing and how it was much worse, which... even if ya don’t mean it, comes off as just you ‘proving’ that your parenting style IS right, because, hey! You can tell me anything! While meanwhile your kid is processing that no, he can’t tell you anything, because you are not actually doing anything useful for me right now. When your child tells you that your parenting style was bad and harmful to them, you should not immediately go into the same old routines you always do right after that???

I fear that the whole experience might have made Steven’s question Greg’s love for him, that maybe now he sees Greg’s kind and accepting nature as insincere and just as an attempt to overcompensate for his own issues. Is Greg really proud of him or does he just say it because that’s what he’s ‘supposed’ to say? But I have no doubt that Greg loves and cares for Steven a whole lot and that he raised Steven the way that he did because he thought that was the best option possible and that... the whole situation is just hard for him. Steven is dealing with a lot of issues that he never outwardly displayed to his parental figures before and it’s hard for them to adjust and to know what the right solution is. And it’s just plain easier to try and fall into your regular parenting techniques that always seemed to work before (like giving your child more ice cream and telling them their emotions are valid), rather than try and totally dismantle your approach to parenting in one evening.

It’s important to remember that Greg’s probably not in the best place right now either. Just because I think it is Greg’s responsibility as the Dad to be the bigger person in the argument and see what part of Steven’s complaints are valid... doesn’t mean it’s not also a hard thing to do when he’s also bringing up memories of Greg’s abusive childhood and saying his parents might not be all that bad. That’s gotta make it hard for Greg to think rationally about Steven’s words. And that’s not factoring in the supernatural element in which Steven’s trauma gives him Scary Dangerous Powers and Greg is the squishest, most fragile part of Steven’s family.

But it’s still Greg’s responsibility to make Steven happy and healthy,  and on that day, on “Mr. Universe”, he messed that up. And I believe Steven when he says that he messed that up before too. Greg’s not a bad person, but... an apology for the missteps of parenthood is what Steven needed at that moment and what Steven was hoping for, and Greg’s inabillity to deliever it was what caused the rift in their relationship most of all. I mean... The show literally spells that Steven needs to hear some sort of ‘I’m sorry’, not just from Greg, but from all of his parental figures! Remember how “Prickly Pair” ended???

Cactus Steven is a metaphor for Meat Steven, for Cactus Steven to find peace he had to hear Meat Steven acknowledge that he hasn’t been the best parent and that he’s sorry. And it’s no coincedence that Steven has very rarely heard his parental figures apologize to him and that it has yet to happen in SUF, my prediction is that it’s gonna play some sort of part in the finale and with Steven fixing his relationship with Greg and the CGs.

[aspoonofsugar]

Shipping aside, can you analyze Zuko and Katara's relationship, as well as Zuko and Azula's vs Katara and Sokka's

Hello anon!

When it comes to Katara and Zuko’s dynamic, I would start from this scene:

This scene is where they interact for the first time not as enemies, but as people. It is meaningful that the first thing they share is about their respective mothers.

Ursa and Kya are two fundamental figures in their kids’ lives. In particular, when it comes to Katara and Zuko, they are linked to sides of them they usually hide.

On one hand Ursa is linked to a kind and empathetic side Zuko has, but does not initially show.

For Zuko (and also for Azula, but in a more complicated way) Ursa symbolizes unconditional love. Ursa is the parent who has always shown Zuko kindness and appreciation no matter what he accomplished.

Ursa being linked to a more positive side of Zuko is made clear also here:

Iroh: “You have more than one great-grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was your father's grandfather. Your mother's grandfather was Avatar Roku”.  

Ozai is Sozin’s descendant, while Ursa is Roku’s. Zuko is the descendant of both and must reconcile these two sides of himself.

In short, Ursa embodies a more positive side of Zuko. This is why the flashback about her is one we have when Zuko is travelling alone and is already starting to change and to show more and more of these positive traits.

When it comes to Katara, the violent death of her mother is instead linked to a ruthless unforgiving side she rarely shows:

Katara: “It's not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he's a monster.”

Katara is usually compassionate and empathetic. As Sokka says:

Sokka: “ Nah, she doesn't hate you. Katara doesn't hate anyone.”

However, when it comes to her mother’s murderer, she shows cruelty. What is more, at the root of both Katara and Zuko’s traumas reguarding their mothers there is the fact that they grow up without knowing what really happened to them.

All in all, they stay confused and without closure to the point that years later what happened to their mothers is still haunting them. What makes their parallel even stronger is that both Kya and Ursa died/disappeared to protect their children. However, the reasons why their children risked death are different.

On one hand Zuko risks to die because Ozai does not value him. In particular, Ozai sees him and his bending as weak. On the other hand Katara risks to die because she is a bender, so she might be strong enough to pose a danger for the Fire Nation.

Both children are threathened by the Fire Nation, but for opposite reasons. Zuko is targeted because of his “weakness”, while Katara for her strength and potential. This ties to the different social role they are asked to fulfill by their respective communities. On one hand Zuko is asked to be a prince and so to exhibits traits like ruthlessness and strength. On the other hand Katara’s culture (well, the culture of the North Water Tribe, at least) asks her to be a woman and not to fight.

Both Katara and Zuko exhibits traits they should not have. Katara is powerful and has taught herself how to fight, while Zuko is compassionate and does not want soldiers to be cruelly sacrificed. They end up in trouble because of this and enter into a conflict with parts of their culture just to be themselves. At the same time, theirs is also a story of getting to know their respective cultures better and this can happen also through getting to know other cultures as well.

This is made clear by how their respective bending progresses throughout their journeys.

On one hand Katara leaves a homecountry which was almost completely destroyed by the war. Many aspects of her culture, especially the ones related to her bending, went missing and her main objective at the beginning of the series is to learn more about them. Throughout her journey she succeeds. As a matter of fact in each season she discovers more and more about waterbending. In the first book she discovers its healing properties and learns a Northern style. In the second book, she discovers the swamp style of water-bending. Finally in the last book she is trained by a Southern bender and learns blood-bending. In short, throughout her journey Katara discovers her roots and accepts both positive and negative things about them.

On the other hand Zuko’s bending develops as he learns more from other cultures:

And, thanks to in his attempt to teach fire-bending to Aang, he connects with a style of fire-bending often forgotten:

In short, Zuko is enriched by other cultures and it is through them that he also discovers more about his own.

It is also interesting that what we discover about each bending each season parallels Zuko and Katara in some way.

On one hand Zuko starts the story as an antagonist and what people say about firebending in season one is mostly negative:

Even a firebending master recognizes how dangerous his bending is. This is what is said about waterbending instead:

Waterbending has healing qualities. Water can heal, whereas fire can only hurt. This is a good power for a character like Katara to have. As a matter of fact she is an extremely nurturing character to the point that she often acts as a mother figure even for characters who are her peers:

Sokka: “I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.”

However, in season three we are shown that firebending can also embody a positive philosophy:

Aang: “All this time, I thought firebending was destruction. Since I hurt Katara, I've been too afraid and hesitant. But now I know what it really is ... it's energy, and life.”

Zuko: “Yeah. It's like the Sun, [He curls his hand into a fist.] but inside of you. Do you guys realize this?”

Fire is linked to the sun and can represent life itself. After all, where would humans be without fire?

At the same time, we are shown how waterbending can be extremely dangerous:

These revelations about firebending and waterbending fit with what we discover about Zuko and Katara themselves, as stated above. Zuko can be helpful and kind, while Katara can be resentful and feel deep hatred.

In short, both characters have negative and positive traits. However, they manage not to lose themselves and to find an equilibrium and this is also because of their loved ones.

This is also true for their respective cultures. All in all, all cultures have positive and negative traits and this is why it is important to acquire different points of view. This is the main theme of ATLA after all. It is not by chance that the Avatar gets to bend all elements. It is because only through knowing all kinds of people he can help maintain harmony.

Another interesting similarity between Zuko and Katara is that they foil the other’s sibling.

On one hand Zuko and Sokka are both boys who are struggling to live up to others’ expectations. Both have a father figure they wish to make proud. However, they feel they are failing.

In Zuko’s case, Ozai being proud of him is something which will never happen. This is because Ozai will never accept Zuko as a person and will fail to see his positive traits. This is why in the end Zuko realizes Ozai’s praise is not worth it. He realizes that there is already a person who is proud of him and who loves him despite it all aka Iroh.

When it comes to Sokka, Hakoda is already proud of him, but Sokka feels he is not enough if compared to his father. This is because what he mostly sees of his father is his strength as a warrior. Sokka is an average person when it comes to physical strength and battle prowess. He acquires more experience as the series progresses, but he mostly uses his intelligence and skill to solve situations. What is more, he is a normal person in a cast of people with magical power. However, Sokka slowly discovers that he can be like his father (a leader and an example) just by being himself. His strength lies in him seeing things outside the box and he does not need to lose his goofy side to be useful. At the same time, he progressively loses his toxic masculinity (just like Zuko). He starts to respect women more and learns from them, for example.

On the other hand Katara and Azula are similar in how they are both affected by their mothers’ disappearances. This despite the fact that they hide their hurt well enough. As a matter of fact it is clear pretty soon that Sokka and Zuko want to be appreciated by their fathers, but the level of pain and unsolved issues Katara and Azula have for their mothers’ disappearances is something which comes up much later.

This is because both Katara and Azula are asked by their societies to fulfills different roles. Katara is asked to become the woman of the family and she ends up mothering her older brother. Azula is instead asked to be a princess and a military leader. This makes so that they repress their issues until they come up in ugly ways:

It is interesting that the moments they are at their most powerful when it comes to their bendings are also the moments where they are the most unstable psychologically wise.

That said, Katara still manages to process her feeling of grief and to find closure. It is also important that she expresses her feelings of resentment towards her brother to an extent:

Sokka: “Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.”

Katara: “Then you didn't love her the way I did!”

Because of this, she is ultimately able to move on.

However, when Azula has the chance to address her feelings for her mother, she refuses to do so, as I explained here:

Azula: I don’t have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain how our mom like Zuko more than me. But I don’t really care. My own mother… thought I was a monster… She was right of course, but it still hurt.

In conclusion, Katara and Zuko are pretty strong foils and they represent two sides of the conflict and two different cultures, which initially despise each other. This is pretty much made clear by them being linked with water and fire respectively. This is why their story is a story of reconciliation and forgiveness and this is made clear when one compares their respective roles in each season finale.

In the first season finale they fight each other. This is the first time they are on equal footing because Katara finally got the chance to be trained. The focus is mostly on their competitiveness and conflict.

In the second season finale, they discover they are more similar than what they think. They have similar traumas and are in similar situations. However, even if Katara is ready to give Zuko a chance, Zuko betrays her and a reconciliation does not happen.

Finally, in the third season finale, they are shown fighting together against Azula, who is a foil of both. They save each other’s lives and help to end the war.

These are my main thoughts on these two characters and their foiling.

Thank you for the ask!

[seafleece]

Hey, random question, but what do you think are the M9's love languages?

oh, anon, you absolutely did not sign up for this and i am so sorry, but here we are. i had to look up the five types and keep them in the google doc to remind myself what they were, but uhh here’s almost 4000 words of character analysis and discussion of debatable quality

jester: 

my initial thought was quality time— an obvious and painful one, as it’s the one her mother wasn’t able to provide. i think the sleeper, though, for jester, is acts of service. 

with beau, this especially shows up in reference to healing— jester having a more healing-focused cleric around is a big relief, especially for someone so close to warlock status that she almost was one, but very notably, she very much wants to heal beau. she specifically apologizes for not doing so in the chantry, and attributes that to beau’s absence rather than anything else; more generally, there’s a huge amount of distress on jester’s part when beau is hurt, and that she wants to be the one to heal beau (notably, with the gorgon, she RAN to beau, was immediately upset both times beau started getting petrified, and even dissuaded caduceus or caleb from using their turn to heal beau so she could instead, making sure to be Right There even while nott was applying the oil). she also seems to really value the instances when beau does things for her, especially since there are specific acts that beau reserves for jester (engaging with religion in any capacity, wearing a dress for jester and more broadly allowing jester to pick her clothes, a concept which beau probably has an explicitly negative association with from her mother).

it’s also muddled jester up the worst when it comes to relationships she understands less— the “kiss” with fjord in the temple that was a vehicle for giving jester air, most specifically, comes to mind— and she’s really come to terms with this by realizing that romantic feelings weren’t really what he was expressing, and that it wasn’t necessarily what she was feeling, either. it’s noticeable in how she describes her relationship with the traveler— she feels like her service to him is doing little things for him, and asks, when she’s unsure, when the traveler failed to act on her behalf when they were kidnapped, if she did something wrong to make him angry, and literally desecrates a temple to make up for it as soon as they’re back in town.

and the thing is, quality time isn’t really what was lacking in her relationship with marion— marion probably did have time to spend with jester for at least a little while every day. the problem is that marion simply couldn’t provide jester with things that she needed: access to the outside world and companionship. she had to learn from near-scratch how to navigate relationships of varying intensities, and it shows with her initial zeroing in on fjord as an iteration of the dashing sailor her momma told her about, as well as her more slow-burn come to trust and really invest in and love beau, because she’s never had a relationship like that with a girl, and maybe didn’t even know it was something she could have, or something she could want.

jester’s her proudest when she’s doing things for other people, even if they maybe wouldn’t love her doing it if they knew— threatening beau’s dad because she hates that he hurt her, hearing that beau was thinking about leaving and marching in to modify memory a hag, writing astrid a letter because caleb seems like he liked her, asking essek if he likes caleb because caleb seems to like essek, painting yasha’s room in the xhorhaus, finding outfits for everyone. she struggles with how to rein in showing it and thinking first about the potential consequences, and is unsure how to navigate what it means when she’s shown it in return, but it’s messy and heartfelt and sincere. with her mom, she really clearly appreciates when her mom does do things for her— providing a home for her friend’s family, allowing the m9 to stay in the chateau, coming to the party with them despite her agoraphobia. i’m sort of banking on a scene where jester talks to her about it, apologizes for leaving, and reaffirms that it means a lot to her that marion is stepping out of her comfort zone for her.

beau: 

words of affirmation. this is NO DOUBT something her parents didn’t give her, maybe ever. this is baked into her relationship with them— she knew that her father wanted a boy, he probably Told her this, and she wasn’t one. it’s something she could literally never be, an aspect she would be forever resented for, that would tinge everything her father ever said to her. her mother also probably didn’t give her much if any affirmation, as she was trying to police and fix beau’s behavior to avoid thoreau’s anger for both of them, and never properly elaborated to beau that her intention was to keep beau from being punished (not that it would have made it okay, for the record). it’s also why her conversation with her parents in 92 immediately threw her off, because for once they actually told her she’d impressed them, that she’d done good, and it’s rough as hell to see that. 

unfortunately, it’s also the thing she’s least likely to get from everyone else unless she’s at her worst, because almost everyone else, including fanon, seems to have profoundly absorbed this idea that beau is rude and abrasive and sarcastic and she’s just. not. she might have been at the start, but she’s always been especially soft with jester, she and caleb are very mutually assured about the sort of affection they show each other, she’s always been either openly flirting with or just sort of tenderly awkward with and trying around yasha, she and caduceus have a fun and pretty peaceful dynamic i always love to see, and we know caduceus, for at least a while, considered beau his favorite. 

then, there’s the characters she’s known for butting heads with the most: fjord, with whom she’s developing a sibling dynamic to rival hers with caleb and really obviously is ride or die for; nott, who used to openly insult beau and just about everyone else, and who is now 1/3 of the chaos crew beau is also in; and molly, whose death was a HUGE turning point for beau in terms of a) taking stock of her morals and how she intended to act on them and b) expressing love for someone so you know they know it, before it’s too late. 

jester seems to see this the most, no surprise there, and dairon also sees a lot of potential in beau not because she’s strong or fast (she’s from a martially focused monastery), but because she’s smart. dairon talks about and to beau very affectionately compared to other mentor/guardian figures she’s had, and i think it means a lot to her coming from both jester and dairon. she certainly returns the favor for both of them.

fjord: 

this one isn’t immediately apparent, so i’m gonna start by talking about the nature of his relationship with caduceus (and see where it gets me). 

okay, i lied, i’m starting with molly.

fjord and molly had a thing. it’s clear in retrospect, and i’ve talked about it, but i think it has to do with where fjord was in his quest to reinvent himself. molly was someone who, for all intents and purposes, had flawlessly become a new person— not necessarily because of a concerted effort to change who lucien was, but a different person nonetheless. fjord wanted desperately to believe that that was attainable for him, and thus saw a lot in investing in molly. molly was a silent affirmation that fjord could really pull this off, could really reinvent himself and be fine.

also, molly was hot. enough said.

caduceus, on the other hand, offered something different. caduceus came along right before fjord’s willingness to help uk’otoa was first tested— fjord rose to the occasion, but the whole time there was someone new along, someone whose faith in his deity seemed assured. assured, that’s something fjord never had.

afterward, he got to see what it meant to believe in a god like that, and he started to want in. caduceus seems like a very honest person— though really, it’s just because m9 doesn’t know the right questions to ask him— and his god is the god of the sea, too, right? fjord really lost a rock in molly the way i don’t think a lot of people realize, and it’s why his swallowing the summer’s dance felt so meaningful. he was keeping a part of molly with him, and i wonder if he misses that part of his falchion. after he lost his inspiration for recreation, he started to put stock into authenticity as the answer, and caduceus as the vehicle. and the wildmother was very accepting, too, took him in like a lost sheep.

where fjord is now, i think he values the covenant (which i realize i actually define later, so if i forget to reorganize these before i post, then oops) in a similar way to caleb. more specifically, though, he decidedly the word owe in talking to beau about the group’s relationship, which, among other things, speaks to acts of service. fjord has work to do to earn his place as a paladin of the wildmother (and a good amount of work to do indeed, if getting trounced by darrow was any indication), and he feels the need to repay caduceus for his help, companionship, and guidance. fjord also gets hurt and KO’d. a lot. i think he takes it on the chin as his role in the group— that’s his job, and he has faith in caduceus and jester to keep him up. they’re not done yet, they haven’t finished serving one another, so beau leaving is of considerable offense (near-mutinous, to be specific).

caleb: 

words MEAN SHIT to caleb, you can tell in the way he talks. everyone remembers the times he’s told nott he loves her, he responds best to beau because i think he really loves the way she talks, he shows his feelings in really passionate speeches to nott, to beauregard, and most recently to essek. there’s absolutely a reason why so many goddamn quotes from campaign 2 are attributed to this dude, and it’s because he monologues like a fucking champ. their group is named after his accent. 

as for receiving love, though, i think it’s a little different. we know from talks that he’s placed a lot of value on the things jester has done for him, and moreover to be herself as someone who gives recklessly, but as far as we know he doesn’t intend to do anything with it. with nott, i’m tempted to create a new category that’s something like a covenant? he and nott agreed to travel together and help each other under the worst conditions, and they’ve stuck to this fastidiously. this covenant, this commitment to the group, is something he extends to everyone— he is not willing to walk away from this, and hasn’t been for a long time, he believes in all of them, truly, what they can do— and cherishes the fact that everyone has kept this, except for two very specific moments. beau, when she introduced the threat of her leaving the party, and yasha, when she was taken over by obann. for beau, he actually seemed fairly quiet compared to fjord, and i’m not sure yet on why this is, other that i think he trusted fjord and jester to talk her down. as for yasha, he seems to be really invested in commiserating with yasha as two haunted ones (literally), and sees her as someone who also really values the group but sees her ability to belong as tarnished by what she’s done. 

for the purposes of this, i’m gonna refer to it as that, as a covenant (yes i’m a failed church kid, what of it) and as separate from acts of service, because it’s more akin to the promise of one major, permanent act of service to each other. i wonder if it’s this steadfastness in that idea that partially led caduceus to continue and develop the idea of his role, because caleb and the rest of team cockroach, as i call them, were gonna keep that covenant if it killed them, and caduceus could keep them from getting killed, at the very least, if he entered into it.

but anyway, that covenant now extends to essek, if he decides to take it. and if he does, that will mean something infinite to caleb, i think. 

caduceus: acts of service.

okay. i wanna talk about caduceus and danger.

caduceus doesn’t heal himself. we know this. he heals everyone else, and not himself. 

i’ve been checking critrole stats on this, and if i’m reading correctly, he has taken the most damage (157) in one episode than anyone else. and it’s not a small margin. the closest is yasha (129) and i’m almost certain that’s from the episode where she decided to literally get attacked until she passed out. i was trying to guess which episode this was from, and then it hit me: probably the episode where he fucking died, right? because it really just never came up again.

caduceus has: started to drown at least 3 times in his first month on the job, been killed by nott, been beaten near to death when yasha was charmed, and been very quietly and very badly stabbed in the back by a disappearing assassin. he’s also died at home, as a family tradition.

there’s a million better meta posts about caduceus’s relationship with death, or even about him not healing himself, but I just want to set it as potential precedent for the idea that caduceus, to some degree, sees value in himself as someone who doesn’t mind dying in a fight. for one thing, it’s been a temporary thing almost from day one with m9, as jester immediately invested in diamonds when they got back to town. it’s not his first rodeo, either, and his family has normalized death to an, and i say this more because of how it’s affected him rather than because i dislike the idea of normalizing death, an upsetting degree.

giving healing, that’s his job, but eliminating himself as someone who needs help or healing, well, that’s healing in a way, too, right? if he doesn’t get healed, it’s more for everyone else. worst comes to worst, jester can heal him if need be. or, y’know. not heal him.

caduceus’s relationship with m9 has noticeable transaction rhetoric, and i wonder where that really fits in with his family. obviously, his role in the family was implied as the one who stayed behind, and his parents definitely imparted a need for him to be stable, a role he’s continued to fill for m9 to his quiet detriment but i think he’s also jumped on the opportunity to finally be the older one, the wiser one, of the group. there’s a power caduceus has over the group that’s really understated— they just sort of listen to him, even if what he’s saying doesn’t actually make sense, because he started with nott, beau, and caleb as a wise savior, a protector, and upon finding the others, it’s not like jester, fjord, or yasha were filling that role. molly certainly wasn’t either— it’s funny, how in retrospect caduceus seems inevitable to the group because they really didn’t have anyone like him. the closest thing to a voice of reason they had was fjord and caleb, and early on, caleb was not in great standing because of his and nott’s perceived standoffishness, and fjord threw up ocean water, so like, what’s up with that, right?

at the very least, he definitely believes he owes the mighty nein something, a role to fill, a job to perform. a service to act out, if you will. his job is to heal, and he does less healing if he heals himself. he seems to view him taking a hit as a win, in a way— it’s a hit that someone else doesn’t take.

i have a lot of hope that reconnecting with his family and seeing how he’s grown while they haven’t allows him to revisit his notions of what he needs to be, and i have a lot of hope that moving forward, he’ll be able to invest more in the other motif he’s developed, which is gift-giving: fjord, with the star razor; his sisters, with the hat (which seems small but like. boy’s had it for a while) and the flute; and, most recently, in helping jester pick out everyone’s outfits. it allows him to feel like he’s giving something to the people he cares about without it hurting him.

yasha: 

truly everything. it’s hard to get a read because yasha really just soaks in all the love m9 wants to give her. if i had to guess further, i’d say we should look at her and molly’s relationship, because molly’s the only character we’ve seen her unabashedly love, and the thing that stood out most to me was physical touch. that echoes really depressingly with her “fight” in 89— she got something out of being that close to someone, even if it felt like reparation or atonement, and i think the only person in m9 who’s been really unafraid to touch yasha is jester.

i’ll admit i have a soft spot for yashter, but, like, it’s there, right? the obvious trust, the faith jester has in yasha and the fear and turmoil when that was tested? i remember really clearly jester giving yasha a piggyback ride in zadash in an early ep, and like— when’s the last time someone was strong enough to do that? when’s the last time someone wanted to do that for yasha? everyone’s mistrusted yasha to some degree for the entire run of the campaign, and, like, how much did her hopes to get close to everyone else just evaporate after the king’s cage? does she really even believe she can have it again? she was so close— jester trusted her fully, she and beau were in a comfortable mutual place with flirting, she’d talked to caduceus and jester about zuala, she even felt comfortable picking up nott and throwing her around (which, by the way, i love their dynamic).

she seems to have leaned more into the protective, threatening stance since they got her back, which, if she’s comfortable with it, is just fine— maybe she’s shifting more towards acts of service, but i just hope it isn’t her just accepting the idea that everyone will always be afraid of her, that she won’t be close like that again. because molly wasn’t afraid of her. jester wasn’t, and i don’t think she is, now— but fjord showed a lot of distrust, and i think yasha’s scared of the degree to which she hurt beau and how to even broach that discussion, and she attacked them, how could they ever forgive her or trust she wouldn’t do it again? 

(i wish i had a happier end to this, so i’ll just say that she did seem comfortable last ep, and that she may or may not have interest in getting a tattoo from jester? interesting stuff.)

veth: 

on a person to person level, veth definitely feels she and caleb are acting on the promise they’ve made to help each other— now she’s reached it, things are a bit more nebulous, but it’s obvious she wants to stick around for him. i’ll admit, her words to everyone in 97 were a bit surprising to me— she hasn’t really been good at conveying emotion like that before unless she’s desperate or really upset, and i imagine it was something she started planning in her head to say to everyone as soon as the first ritual didn’t work. that might be, i think, what she felt as relief, just not being able to articulate what she wanted to say to everyone.

as for her family, veth believes she owes her best self to yeza and luc— she kept herself from them not because she couldn’t have gone back, but because she felt like someone else, like someone worse, and the exaggerated tendencies from her previous life only reinforced this— she didn’t believe she deserved to be around them, before now. before caleb, i don’t know if she had any hope for returning to them at all, and he changed that entirely.

i’m also very interested in why veth is able to reconcile her marriage with yeza as veth with her loving caleb as nott, and if she sort of considers herself as two different people. we’ve seen so little of what she feels comfortable expecting from other people— for now, i’d say acts of service seems appropriate? but maybe something closer to just. fulfilling promises.

bonus: for the other two who are considered part of the mighty nein

kiri: 

words of affirmation. i’m a HUGE kenku stan, anyone who’s played d&d with me knows this, and i’m especially fascinated with the relationship with words when you can only speak the words you hear/remember. on the most basic level, if you speak to kiri, you are giving her a gift, you’re giving her the ability to speak, too. and if those words are affirming, then she can say them back! and you’re giving them to her, in a sense, to use as she pleases and repeat them to herself, even, and i just love that image— her, to herself, saying “i love you” in other people’s voices. i’m ride or die for kenkus, and kiri started it.

essek: 

okay, so almost everyone in the m9 could be read as needing words of affirmation, because it’s so clear that they need more love and knowledge of love than they’ve received, and have found it in each other. essek has quite literally found it in m9 for the first time. he absolutely needs all of these, like, ASAP, but i think it’s what everyone says to him that get him the most. caleb’s speech, obviously, but it’s also them casually referring to him as their friend, it’s jester’s messages, even if he’s busy. it’s important to say, though, that i think it’s a specific type of affirmation: things that have nothing to do with his magic ability (and moreover, any of these gifts that have nothing to do with it). essek’s built his entire life on the idea that he is someone incredibly powerful and smart for his age— m9 are probably the first people to make him feel like he was more than that, because they want to know about the rest of him, and in becoming friends with them, he’s confronting the fact that he doesn’t really believe there is a rest of him. they want to know a part of himself that he at best has neglected and has been neglected by others, and at worst that he believes does not exist. when they talk about him as a friend, it adds to who he can be. he’s seeing, for the first time, that he can exist as someone else than his abilities and his ambition.

i initially started off with words of affirmation and he clearly needs that, but i think he really just needs all of these in a very specific way: he needs to feel love that is not based in merit, that pertains to who he actually is in this life rather than what he can become in the next, that values the life he’s living right now, because he’s not getting that from the dynasty. it seems like a low bar, maybe, to people who only have the one life, as far as we know, but his arc this campaign shows that it really, really isn’t.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Archie Thoughts.

First I just want to put a diclaimer here before anyone reads further I am going to talk about some sensitve topics surrounding abuse so please be cautious if you think that might be triggering or upsetting for you. 

Ok so I’ve been rewatching season 1 and I’ve been thinking about that line from Archie in the pilot episode when he and Veronica are in the cupboard and he says ‘I have never felt whatever it is I’m suppose to feel with Betty.’ This line is really interesting to me for a number of reasons particularly the way its worded. The first is he never uses the word love, he doesn’t say I have never been in love with Betty. This is especially interesting because the other day RAS said that Betty and Archie have said they love each other implying that Archie did love Betty in a romantic way back in the pilot. So if he did feel love for Betty then why did he say this? Well watching the scene again I noticed a couple of things. For one he seemed very confused and unsure when he was saying it. He hesitates between the line ‘I have never felt’ and ‘whatever it is I’m suppose to feel with Betty.’ It’s almost as if in that minute he’s thinking about how he feels about Betty to double check that he hasn’t felt that feeling. Another thing that makes this line somewhat odd is that later in the season Archie admits that a part of him always believed he would be with Betty. This and the line he says to Veronica are two very contradicting terms particularly the words always and never. But I think there is an explanation for it and unfortunately it is a very sad one. Right after saying this Veronica asks him if he has ever felt it and he replies this summer. This is obviously meaning with Miss Grundy. We know that Archie believed that he was in love with Grundy and this is because she groomed and taught him that lust equals love which is a common tactic that abusers will use. Archie was a young teenage boy who was experiencing alot of these feelings of desire and lust for the first time and Grundy manipulated him into believing that these feelings were ones of love. So now Archie is very confused because he now believes having a strong sexual attraction to a person is the same as being in love with a person. However he has never felt that overwhelming sexual desire for Betty. With Betty his feelings are deeper than that and more innocent. But because he doesn’t feel that lust around her he thinks that must mean he doesn’t love her. I think this also ties into that line from Wicked Little Town Reprise ‘Forgive me for I did not know, for I was just a boy.’ At that time he was too young and too much under Miss Grundy’s influence to understand his own feelings. I think he only gets more confused when he is in that closet with Veronica as I do think he is feeling desire and lust for Veronica in that moment, again they are both hormonal teenagers locked in a very tight space together. As a result he starts to think this must mean he’s in love with Veronica because he is feeling very similar feelings as he does with Miss Grundy. Now I just want to make it clear, I am not saying that he never loved Veronica I do think he comes to I’m just saying I don’t think he was in love with her at this very moment, he was just getting confused between lust and love. I think as he gets older and his and Veronica’s relationship develops he begins to understand the difference. But I also think this confusion between the two feelings is what leads to him taking so long to start something with Veronica. He is trying to sort out what he is feeling. Is this lust or do I actually like this girl? I do feel like Veronica was a large part of him being able to discern the difference between the two emotions as with Veronica he feels both. He feels lust for her but he also feels that love for her too. I might not be a Varchie shipper but I can still appreciate that Veronica was important in helping Archie heal and understand his emotions more. 

Going back to season 1 though, I also think Archie is only further confused later when at the football match Betty touches his eye/cheek. You see him flinch back a bit and the moment is very charged. Now I don’t think he flinches because his eye hurt, it doesn’t really look like Betty put enough pressure on the bruise to make it hurt, she was being very careful not to hurt him. I think the reason why he flinched like that was out of surprise. I think for the first time he feels a spark, maybe not outright lust but something close to it, a sudden attraction which he had never felt for Betty before. But before he can really process it he is dragged away by the rest of the football team. Also by this point he has had that conversation with Jughead about how Miss Grundy cares only about herself and is messing with Archie’s mind. Although that conversation isn’t enough to completely break Grundy’s hold on Archie it is enough to make him question and doubt her a little to the point where he decides to go to the police about the gunshot. But the doubt only makes him more confused about his feelings. It’s no wonder really that Archie has always felt confused about what he wants and what he feels, Miss Grundy’s abuse really left a mark on him. I also think it is what makes Archie struggle with having relationships, why he jumps into them so quickly because he has been groomed that way and that is going to take time and therapy to work through, its like trying to break a habit. I also think its important to remember that Grundy was his first experience of relationships and sexual relationships. It always makes me sad when I see people making jokes about how many girlfriends Archie has had because I do think alot of it stems from this abuse and his inability to understand that just because he is feeling an attraction to a person does not mean you have a meaningful connection to them. We also have to remember that Grundy didn’t just teach Archie that sex is love but that if you have those feelings you should act on them. She encouraged him to engage in those activities with her by telling him that’s what he should be doing when he feels those things. I think over time he has been able to have more meaningful and stable relationships, like with Josie and Veronica. But the saddest part of it all is Archie may never fully accept that he was abused by Grundy, some part of him may always believe that her feelings for him were true and that he did love her although I think as he has gotten older and experienced actual love he is able to better identify and sort out his feelings. But sadly the scars from his abuse are always going to be a part of Archie.  

I really do wish that Riverdale had handled this storyline better. I do feel like it was brushed under the rug too much. I mean they do acknowledge that Grundy is a predator but there were other instances where they were far too casual about it and acted like Grundy was his girlfriend when she wasn’t she was his abuser and I think its important that we don’t forget that.