#hawf did this to me

[hexcolour]

Watching Invader Zim for the first time at age thirty means you spend the first half realizing why Gaia Online was Like That™ and then at some point you just become professor membrane. w/e

[crissiebaby]

Bab Rats: Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: This POV story contains diaper usage, humiliation, masturbation/diaper sex, gender transformation, breastfeeding, and other ABDL themes. I hope you enjoy!

Commissioned By: Strawberry

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“Hi dewe, Sam…chus feewin’ any bettew?' ' said Hanna with her partially perma-regressed vocal cords, receiving no response as Sam shied away from her. Undeterred, she shifted her approach, “Hey, I has an idea. How bout chu take chus mind off evewyfing and twy one of da new diapees dat da hazmats dwopped off dis mownin’? Ish a diapee dat can onwy be removed by da pewson who puts it on. See?” She tugged at the hem of her diaper with all her might to no avail before giving the simple lock print on its front a hardy slap. Sadly, her attempt at levity earned no reaction from Sam. Lowering her head, she took a step back from Sam’s crib. “Sowwy. I-I’ww jus weave chu awone until chus weady.”

“My life is ruined,” muttered Sam, his words lingering in the back of his throat and choking him up, “I thought I knew what I was signing up for. Now…I might be stuck as a girl forever.” He lowered his head between his knees, sulking.

Walking around to the side of the crib Sam was leaning against, Hanna reached through the bars and gently placed a hand on his head. “I sowwy,” she said, reaching through the crib bars and gently patting Sam’s shoulder sympathetically. Thankfully, he seemed receptive to her touch, allowing them to ease their tension slightly. Taking advantage of the opportunity, she decided to inject some fun into the situation, “Ya know, doh, bein’ a girl isn hawf bad. Take it fwom me: a fuww-time girl since da day I was bown. Suwe, da pewiods suck buh we gets wots of fwee dwinks.”

“Being as we’re stuck here, I’m not sure I’ll be able to cash in on those drinks. Good to have in the back pocket, though,” said Sam, unable to suppress his reaction to the mild humor being lobbed his way. He sighed hard, ridding himself of as much negative energy as he could, “Sorry, I’m sure you were hoping for a more playful playmate. It’s just…I always dreamed about being locked away in a nursery for as long as I can remember. I want to enjoy this…I just can’t get out of my own head. And now, I have to deal with this!” Using both hands, he grabbed onto his ridiculous double-Ds.

Had it not been for the lactation drug Hanna was testing, she was fairly certain Sam would have bigger assets than her. It was always the lucky ones who were never grateful. “Iswa says dey wowkin’ on da antidote so dis pwobabwy isn fowever. Why not enjoy it a widdwe?” she said, hoping to raise Sam’s spirits by showing him all the benefits of being a girl, “Wike finks about it. How many peepo wud do anyfing to swap gendews even fo one day? Fo aww dose poor twans girls out dewe, live a wittwe.”

Once again, Sam found himself in stitches over Hanna’s abrasive yet sincere comments. It was clear that she cared about his well-being, at least to some extent. “Oh…I-I’m not so certain that's a good idea,” he said, squeezing his thighs together to subdue the faint stirring in his unfamiliar loins. It was strange but for some reason, although Hanna and he had only met a few days ago, he felt like he’d known her all his life. Blushing as he caught himself staring at her in silence, his eyes darted away from his attractive roommate.

Yanking her hand away from Sam’s shoulder, Hanna too was in the midst of a flustered response as she quickly realized the reason for Sam’s abrupt head turn. As a bisexual woman who leaned toward liking women, she hated to admit Sam was exactly her type. Well, she didn’t exactly hate it per se but she did feel guilty about it. If he was even slightly into it, she would ravish him without a second thought; an intrusive concept that only intensified whenever she looked his way.

Trapped in a state of growing arousal, both Hanna and Sam were sweating multiple days of pent-up sexual frustration. Especially Sam, who hadn’t masturbated a single time since arriving at CrissBaby HQ. The same couldn’t be said for Hanna, though her steady use of the various vibrators made in-house at CrissBaby for testing purposes had certainly upped her sex drive.

Biting his lip, Sam knew if anything kinky was going to happen, he as the emotionally vulnerable one was going to have to initiate it. Mercifully, he had the perfect icebreaker stationed right between his legs. “O-Okay, we can try some stuff,” he said, shying away physically in spite of his bold words, “How about we start with my first diaper change as a girl? I think mine should definitely be put out to pasture.” He gave his overly ripe diaper a soft poke, demonstrating how absurdly used it was after more than three days without a change.

Lowering the crib bars, Hanna’s heart was threatening to leap out through her throat. How she was going to manage to conceal her lust while changing Sam’s diaper was beyond her. She didn’t even want to change him. She wanted to mash her face into the base of his ultra-squishy diaper until he came for her over and over again. “Hmmm…I not so sure chu neesa changie yet afta aww. Seems wike dere’s stiww pwenty mowe room in hewe,” she said, lightly dragging her hand along the muck balloon around Sam’s hips while passing off her desire to knead his diaper like a ball of dough as nothing more than playfulness.

*GASP!*

Having avoided touching himself at all costs for three days, one touch was all it took to amplify his need for relief. A shaky breath exited his plush lips as waves of sensitivity, unlike anything he’d ever experienced as a guy spread across his entire body. Now, he was the one wondering how on Earth he would survive a diaper change in this condition. 

The strained silence from earlier reared its ugly head again as Hanna and Sam waded through extremely awkward waters. It couldn’t have been more painfully obvious what was on each of their minds. All they needed was for one of them to say something. Luckily, Hanna’s filter was nowhere near good enough to stay quiet, “Fuggit. Be honest, chu jus wanna do howny diapie stuffs wif me?”

“Yes,” said Sam without a hint of hesitation. Even he was a tad shocked by how rapidly the simple affirmation fell from his mouth. That shock served only to elevate his carnal needs as he opened his legs wide in preparation for the profusion of pleasure coming his way.

Unsurprisingly, Hanna wasted no time jumping into Sam’s crib and kneeling over him now that she had the green light to get freaky. Two wet spots began to form on her shirt thanks to her hyperactive titty lactation, triggered by an uptick in arousal over Sam’s approval. She paid it no mind, her passion too powerful to slow down over some slight humiliation. “way back and twy not to scweam too woud if chu can hewp it. I’ww take cawe of evwyfing,” she said, returning her hand to the center of Sam’s comically full pamper. Only this time, her touch was anything but light. Her fingers sunk into nearly a foot of the swollen wadding and its semi-soft, messy core. “Wowza! No way I cooda kept my hans off dis fo thwee days. I nuh seen one dis messy befo. Chu mus be one pwoud baby,” she cooed, adding some verbal teasing into the mix while her sensual hand motions cut through Sam’s defenses like a knife. 

Sam responded in kind as his face transitioned through various hues of red until his complexion was cherry-colored. However, Hanna’s words, while embarrassingly seductive, were nothing in comparison to the shockwaves impacting his nether region. His body felt weak as he leaned against his crib bars, allowing his new, female hormones to take over his senses. Everything from the way his hair brushed against the back of his neck to the softness of the blanket beneath his thighs turned every part of his figure into an erogenous zone. “I-Is that what…s-sex feels like for you?” he muttered, stricken by the stark difference between men and women when it came to the Big Bang. For men, all stimulation was housed within the pelvic area leading up to a large explosion at the end. The arousal women experience, on the other hand, is far subtler, spreading throughout the entire body the vagina acting as an epicenter.

It was hard for Sam to necessarily say which was superior, especially since he had yet to lose his virginity as a guy. That being said, he was certainly finding a lot of appeal in the female side of things if his libidinous moans were anything to go off. Even the pitch of his feminized voice was turning him on, sounding akin to something one might hear in a porno.

“I gonsa make chus addicted ta bein’ a girl,” said Hanna, intensifying her hand motions as she whispered the horniest things in Sam’s ear; her breath sending pleasure signals from his brain to his slit. With her free hand, she grabbed onto his left breast and began rubbing it softly, ensuring her delicate touch never got too harsh enough to cause pain, “Chu boobas awe gonna be so sensitive cuz imma pway wif dem aww da time. Fink of aww da dwess up games an tea pawties we can have. I wonder how long it wiww be befo chu beg me ta fiww da widdwe pocket between chus legs. You wanna have somefing inside chu, doncha?”

Done in by Hanna’s bedroom skills, Sam couldn’t argue with what Hanna was saying even if he wanted to. It was as if his feminine side had a magnetic field around it, pulling him in and refusing to let go. Maybe it was the sex talking but the more Hanna talked, the more alluring the idea of exploring the opposite end of the gender spectrum became. He’d already given up being an adult and accepted the fact that he wanted to live the rest of his life as a horny baby. It wasn’t a stretch to believe he would throw away his birth gender for the same reason. “Y-Yes! I-I want it all! I want to be your girl! Oh fuck!” she shouted, mounting her first female orgasm.

Hearing Sam say those fateful words was all that Hanna needed to push her over the edge. She scooted her padded butt forward and mashed her wet diaper into Sam’s messy one, joining her in ecstasy. “Come here,” she said, wrapping the hand around Sam’s neck that had previously been massaging her mooshy diaper, she pulled him into her lactating chest, “M-My boobs are so sore. Please s-suckle them.”

Hanna’s pleas were immediately answered as Sam pried open her play partner’s top and planted her lips on her right nipple. Her cheeks puffed up with fresh cream, unable to keep up with Hanna’s flow now that he had engaged her milk sacs. “Ish sho yummy,” she said between swallows. Even her subsequent orgasm wasn’t enough to unlatch her from Hanna’s tit. The flavor was just too good.

Lost in the deepest depths of passion, Hanna and Sam had entered CrissBaby HQ riddled with uncertainty. No longer was that the case. Every horny thing they’d read online or dreamed up in their heads was now at their fingertips. Letting go of the last of their reluctance, they embraced what it truly meant to be a Bab Rat as they climaxed together over and over again.

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“Okay, I’ll admit when I’m wrong. This first batch of testers, while untrained, have given us more data to work with in a mere three days than anything the official testing team could pull off,” said Mark, sitting behind the glass partition of Hanna and Sam’s nursery as he watched them go to pound town with each other. He may have been skeptical of the Bab Rats Program at first but the numbers didn’t lie, “The only downer news at the present is that we still need to tinker with the aphrodisiac formula. It definitely shouldn’t have taken three whole days for these two to go to bone town together. But that can wait for tomorrow. Take your victory lap. You’ve earned it.”

Smiling proudly thanks to Mark’s praise, Dr. Madrigal was thrilled to have her superior’s approval, especially after he outright dismissed her idea initially. Soon, the rest of the test nurseries that had been assigned to her program pending final approval would be filled with useful idiots like Hanna and Sam who were willing to give up everything to be a market research dummy for an ABDL company. Where she’d go from here was anyone’s guess. Heck, for all she knew, Mark’s job might be hers in the near future. “Thank you, Mark. Coming from you, that means a lot,” she said, playing up her gratitude to ensure her rise to the top was as subtle as possible.

THE END.

« PREVIOUS l FIRST

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Edited by AllySmolShork

Special Thanks to Our CrissBaby Diaper Company Investors: BlossomBitchDolly BlushyBen DD Exminister Gun1242 JFN LittlePissy PrincessKittenLizzi Strawberry Sweetsamantharebecca & One Anonymous Investor

[miss-celestia13]

For Fun! Scottish Smut 😌

I wrote this ages ago as a joke for my friends, a smut scene written in Scottish slang! After all, all Scottish people are bilingual 🤣 I just discovered it in my notes as I was cleaning them out and thought I’d share it here for the laugh. I hope it makes you chuckle because it won’t set your knickers on fire 😂

Without further ado;

Jimmy and Senga’s mad night oot!

Words: 585

What some words mean:

Swalleys - swallows

Boattle - Bottle

Stoatin - stumbling

Spunked - Cummed

Tadger - Cock

Pump - Fuck/Sex/shag - rumpy-pumpy means the same thing!

Fanny - Cunt

Bean - Clit

I just had a full body cringe typing that last one, so you can figure the rest out or ask me if you get confused🤣

They wur passin the boattle ae Bucky between thum. Takin huge swalleys as they walked hame fae the pub. Stoatin’ aboot like a clumsy gazelle oan her primark special high heels, Senga wiz clingin’ tae Jimmys arm while he grabbed hur arse, and whispered sweet nuttins in hur ear.

“Jist you wait tae we git hame, doll. I’m gonnae pump you rotten.”

He always kent jist whit to say to make her knickers wet. No that she wiz wearing any. He’d gied her a gid wee finger poking in the pub loo’s jist afore they wur kicked oot for arguin way the barman when he widnae serve thum anymare vodka ridbulls. She’d loast thum somewhere ‘atween the mens loos and the bar. Stumblin upti the frunt door, Jimmy drapped hur keys twice afore he managed tae unlock it and dragged hur in.

He hud hur shoved against the door afore she kent what wiz happenin. Jimmy gied hur the sloppiest kiss ar hur life, tastin like drink, and regret as he forced his tongue doon hur throat. The hawf empty boattle ae Buckfast clattured tae the flair as he shoved a haund up her skurt and poked aboot until he foond her bean and gied it a wee flick so she jumped.

“Cannae wait any longer, doll.” He said, breath soaked in Bucky.

“Dinnae then, i wanted yeh tae shag me back at the pub.” She replied as he hiked hur skurt oer hur hips and pulled his hard tadger oot ae his best trackie bottoms.

She wiz soon oan hur knees in the hallway, Jimmy grabbed haud ae hur hips afore he pushed inside her wet fanny, sayin’ filthy hings as she shouted in surprise.

“Yer jist a wee durty. Ye’ll no be able tae walk the morra.”

Usually, when it came tae the auld rumpy-pumpy, Jimmy wiz a two-pump-chump in bed, bit when he hud a drink in him, he lasted at least ten and she’d only coonted two so far.

“Shut yer moof and dae it then.” She said and yelped when he smacked her arse and thrust harder.

Jimmy laughed as she pushed back tae make him go fastur and called him a useless basturt when he slowed right doon insteid.

“Calm doon wuman, a ken whit am dain!”

He did and he didnae. She’d coonted seven thrusts noo, and kent he didnae hae much left in him, so she took maetturs intae hur ain haunds and balanced oan wan elbay so she could fiddle wae hur bean. Jimmy was gruntin and groanin, sweaty haunds slidin oer hur arse as he loast all sense ae rhythm. A flew flicks and she wiz almost there, fingurs moving so quick as Jimmy pounded intae her fanny once, twice, and she felt her fanny flutter aroond his tadger jist afore he spunked in her.

There wiznae fireworks or stars when she came. No wae Jimmy, bit it felt gid and her boady wiz fizzing fae the drink and orgasm. Jimmy fell oan tap ae hur and crushed her intae the carpet. She wiznae comfy, but couldnae be arsed movin noo. And so Jimmy and Sengas mad night oot ended wae them both passed oot in hur hallway. Senga couldnae mind if he’d locked the door. Ah well, any cunt that tried to burgul thum wid be in fur a shoack when they foond thum bare arsed and covered in spunk. The thoat sent hur tae sleep wae a grin oan her face.

……………*

Oh, fuck me gently 🤣 I forgot how bad it is and I’m crying laughing that I’m posting it here 😂 hope it made you giggle or smile, at the least 🤭❤️

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

14. Smoke

Tom tries to get his voice to sound less humiliating by picking up an old vice of his; smoking. The Ink Demon does not approve. “N-not because I CARE about him, you idiots!” He just thinks Tom’s new voice is too funny to destroy with smoke. (Set in the FIFE AU after Tom’s Bargain, AKA: “If it bites, curses, claws, and hisses, It’s very unwise to ask it for wishes”)

The Ink Demon glared at the wolf disapprovingly as he grabbed the lighter.

“You know, Allison’s gonna be soooo heartbroken when she finds out you picked up THAT old habit again…”

Thomas rolled his eyes and reached for the notepad, only to be betrayed by it as it was too full of his concepts for an ink proof prison to hold Sammy in and keep him from escaping. There wasn’t even a single bit of space left for a single word for him to write.

“Well, c’mon big guy! Use your mouth-words!” The Demon crossed his arms, looking like a mother scolding a child. “If you’re gonna go through alllllll the trouble of SUMMONING A %@^&ING DEMON LORD WHO’D KILL US ALL WITHOUT HESITATION BEHIND OUR BACKS, you might as well use the fancy new voice box he gave you!”

“I down't wawnt tuwu tawk wight now.” Thomas growled as he saw the demon smile in that way where it was obvious he was holding back laughter out of the corner of his eye, only to snap back into his angry/disapproving pose when he turned to look at him. “i'm nowt in the mood fow iwt.”

The mechanic grabbed the pack of cigarettes and walked out of the house, hoping to put enough distance between himself and the nagging demon to actually hear himself think.

When he thought he’d walked far enough, he leaned against the graffiti-covered wall, took a cigarette out of the pack, and lit it up.

-----

Smoking with a wolf’s muzzle was weird and kinda hard, especially since he wasn’t used to doing it. He was half expecting to accidentally swallow a few as canine instinct mistook them for food. He was definitely expecting the coughing fits, and was expecting them to be bad as since he was a cartoon, his actions and the ways the environment interacted with him tended to be exaggerated at times that he felt were inconvenient.

“Fuck uwu Sammy Wawwence…” He grumbled under his breath as he lit up his sixth one. “Fuck uwu, youw dewusions of gwandew, youw stupid, god awfuw shape-shifting abiwities, youw cowawdwiness, awnd whatevew the fuck awwowed uwu tuwu be capabwe of doing ovew hawf the shit uwu've done duwing this… nightmawe!”

“HEEEEEY TOMMY!”

The wolf gritted his teeth as he heard the sound of a large inkwell rolling towards him at high speeds, and was tempted to punt it away when it rolled around in a circle and landed upright, but the exhausted looking cartoon demon popped out of there *just* has he had his kick ready and primed for it.

“I…*huff* finally found you! Jeez Louise, would it kill ya ta hear a guy out before storming off?! Oh that’s right! It will.”

The wolf raised an eyebrow.

“Look, smoking as a human’s bad and all that jazz, smoking as a toon is also technically bad, but only in the sense we only show villains smoking so when you smoke, you’re saying “Look at me! I’m a terrible person.” get yourself some cigarettes made of ink and you’ll get some glares, but nothing worse than that. As for smoking normal, non-ink cigarettes meant for HUMAN consumption’s even worse for you as a toon! Look at yourself, you’re made of INK! You’re flammable as *%#@, the only reason why you haven’t sentenced yourself to death by being fired up from the inside out is because you got lucky!”

“Nice twy asshowe, uwu cawwed 'wowf' too many goddamned times, how duwu I know if uwu'we tewwing the twuth ow nowt?? I suwe as heww can’t!”

“Well, I’ve been HELPING everyone as much as I can!” The demon clenched his fists. “I get it! I’m ‘Drew’s demon-son’ and ‘we’re just two sides of the same *@#^ing lying coin’ and all that $#*!... But unlike Drew, I’ve been trying to make this right!”

“Uwu duwu know thawt uwu'we the weason why I was despewate enough tuwu gow tuwu him in the fiwst pwace, wight?”

“Huh?”

“Inky, I twied tuwu awsk uwu fow my body bawck, whewn uwu wefused, I asked fow a body simiwaw tuwu my owd owne, I wouwd've settwed fow being a cawtoon if I stiww wooked somewhat human wike Susie does! Heww, I wouwd have settwed fow uwu juwst giving me my VOICE bawck! But duwu uwu know whawt uwu did instead?”

“...What did I do then?”

“Uwu said no tuwu aww of thawt awnd instead of coming fowwawd with the twuth uwu juwst made excuses at evewy tuwn awnd couwdn't even wook me in the eyes whewn uwu made thewm. Awnd duwu uwu know why? Because uwu awnd I both uwu thawt uwu wike seeing me wike thiws: as 'youw cweation'...” The mechanic got up in the demon’s face and jabbed his finger into his chest. “Inkweww Bendamnin Dwew, uwu'we nowt doing thiws because uwu wawnt us tuwu be bettew, uwu'we doing thiws because uwu wawnt us tuwu be YOUWS instead of JOEY’S.”

“I... Well... you’re ri-” The demon’s shocked and somewhat guilty expression fell into a frown. “If I’m such a ‘Joey Drew 2.0′, then why would you turn to SAMMY *%#@ING LAWRENCE of all people!? I’ll admit that this whole reformation thing was a lot harder than I thought, but Sammy hates your guts and I’m convinced the only reason why he doesn’t try to kill you is because he think’s death’s too good for you or something!”

“I didn't know thawt thawt was Sammy's summoning ciwcwe, wituaw, whatevew. I didn't even make the connection thawt the cocky, weiwdwy fwiwtatious, cannibawistic fish demon thawt wiked tuwu wiwe me up because he couwd was the same entity as the masked woony ink monstew thawt wouwd apowogize tuwu a stwangew if they pouwed soup own him.”

“...I’m Sorry...”

“Huh?”

“Everything you said about me was right,” The Ink Demon fidgeted with his gloves nervously. “I was being childish and greedy and I’m sorry that I hurt you when I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted from this new situation. I was so focused on the fact I was making new bodies so that people wouldn’t be suffering in their current ones, I never once stopped and asked myself if the bodies I made made them happy too.”

“Wow...” The wolf stared at the demon in a subtle mix of pride and awe. “Thawt's actuawwy weawwy matuwe of uwu tuwu say. I down't even think thawt joey wouwd even get those fiwst two wowds out of hiws mouth, wet awone twy tuwu expwain whewe he went wwong.”

“But don’t forget that YOU *#@$ed up here too!” The Ink demon jabbed Tom in the chest twice as hard as he did to him. “The reason why everyone in the crazy inky town hates your guts is because in addition to your involvement with the ink machine, your whole ‘lone wolf’ thing makes you impossible to work with! Allison TRIES to get other people involved in her ‘lets kidnap a mentally unstable searcher’ plots, when she’s here, she interacts with the people around her! You just lock yourself up and do things behind everyone’s backs! Can’t you at LEAST run some of your ideas through someone else before doing them? I’ve seen the blueprints for your torture machine/prison and I gotta say, even if I was still an excellent super villain demon lord at the time of seeing that $#*!: NO. That’s WAY too far! I don’t even think that’s the slightest bit ethically sound and it’s 100% a violation on privacy, even for a creature that’s in a hive mind. Seriously: Talk. To. Other. People. You. Edgy. &!*^#.”

“...In hindsight; I shouwd've at weast asked Buddy whawt he summoned in the studio awnd why he did thawt instead of juwst bwindwy doing dangewous shit awn my own...”

The wolf grumbled as he blew out a puff of smoke.

“That’s the spirit! Now come with me, I think I know a way to get your voice deep and gravelly without you turning yourself into smoked wolf brisket.”

[dualumina]

Second daybweak chaptew 9

"...ma?...Yuma!"

my head jowted back up, "hah?! wha- what is it, astwaw?"

he had his hand on my shouwdew whiwe wooking towawds me with concewn, the textbook tossed aside haphazawdwy on the bed, "you appeawed to be sweeping despite sitting upwight. ...This is the fiwst time i've seen you do this."

gwancing bwiefwy towawd my weading, i weawized i’d somehow gotten thwough about hawf of it. Tuwning back to astwaw, i twied my best to pway it off, “what awe you tawking about? you’ve seen me faww asweep in cwass befowe.”

“yes, but you usuawwy don’t do so whiwe at home, and without any pwiow indicatows.”

now i was stawting to second-guess it mysewf… “was it weawwy that diffewent compawed to how i nowmawwy just faww asweep?”

astwaw wemoved his hand fwom me as he stwuggwed to find the wowds, “it was… how to put it… you wewe studying as you nowmawwy wouwd. Then… youw neck couwdn’t suppowt youw head anymowe.”

...Odd. "...The heat might be getting to me. I'ww go- oh, wight,” i noticed the untouched gwass of watew off to the side, “i’m pwobabwy just dehydwated. Thanks fow the concewn though.”

he sighed, “if you say so.” i picked up the gwass as astwaw peewed ovew the text i was weading, “i’m suwpwised you’d faww asweep to this; this seems wike a dewightfuw wead.”

“heh, it’s vewy wowdy, aww things considewed,” gwancing down at the gwass in my hand, i saw the wefwection of my wight eye on the watew's suwface. A muted mawoon stawing back up at me. I sipped the watew whiwe in thought.

...By this point, i weawwy have no idea what’s up with me today. At fiwst, i thought i was just wewiving past convewsations i'd had with astwaw, but… that wast one…

i paused my dwinking and tugged one of the wed stwands of my haiw down to inspect it. It wasn't uncommon fow peopwe in my famiwy to have muwtipwe haiw cowouws, but they usuawwy bwended togethew awmost seamwesswy. Mom and akawi both have it.

it was pecuwiaw that aww my wed haiws wewe just bunched togethew in the fwont wike that. When i was a kid, dad used to dye his haiw to match mine so i wouwdn't feew as sewf-conscious about it.

looking back, it was a nice gestuwe of him.

pushing my haiw back into pwace, i dwank the wast of the watew.

“wewe you done weading this page, yuma?”

“huh? oh, yeah,” i wepwied, tapping the d-pad’s scween to woad in the next page.

might as weww wead awongside astwaw. I had to wead it anyway.

hawdwy a minute went by. “yuma-”

“what, awweady?! h-howd on a few seconds…”

i fewt astwaw smiwking in my diwection whiwe i continued weading. Despite my disgwuntwed expwession, i bwought my hand up to pwayfuwwy wuffwe his haiw, causing him to snickew bwiefwy.

aftew woading in the next page, with a bit of hesitation i asked, “aftew this, do you want to go eat togethew?”

he tuwned to me unexpectedwy, “in zexaw?”

“yeah. Akawi wiww be wowking aww night, and gwan is heading out to eat. So…” eyeing my fidgeting hand, i continued, “…no one wouwd pwobabwy question whewe i am.”

without missing a beat, astwaw wepwied, “you know i’d be happy to keep you company, yuma.”

he weawwy did know me too weww. A bwessing and a cuwse, it wouwd seem.

i couwdn’t hewp but smiwe in wesponse.

“okaaay, wet’s see now…” cwouching in fwont of the fwidge, thewe wewen't neawwy as many options as i wouwd have wiked.

“what’s wwong with that?” astwaw inquiwed towawds the wawge pot in the centew.

“ew, thewe’s nothing wwong with udon, it’s just a bit… on the pwain side.”

“if it’s sufficient to satisfy you, then i don’t see an issue with it.”

“i mean…” my wesponse was painfuwwy dwawn out, “you’we the one who insisted we twy wasabi the wast time we had the chance to do this...”

"and i wiww wemembew not to do that again. If it's nothing wike wasabi, then i don't see an issue."

i wewented, "awwight, suwe." taking the pot out of the fwidge i began heating it up. Aftew some seawching, i found some utensiws, awong with an aiw-tight containew wawge enough to howd a faiwwy heawthy powtion of udon.

zexaw tends to wequiwe a wot of enewgy to maintain, so we've weawned it's necessawy to eat wawgew powtions if thewe's to be any hope of feewing satisfied aftew the fact. I onwy had a wight bweakfast today, but i weiwdwy didn’t feew aww that hungwy. Stiww, bettew to be safe wathew than sowwy and pack mowe than necessawy.

aftew checking to make suwe the udon was hot enough, i fiwwed and seawed up the containew, tuwning back eagewwy to check on astwaw, who was wost in thought, “aww set. You good to go?”

astwaw jowted back to weawity as he tuwned towawds me, “oh, yes,” befowe making ouw way back to my woom.

hanging the empewow's key off one of the cwimbing howds was suwpwisingwy one of the most effective pwaces fow stowing it. It's not wike anyone besides mysewf used the cwimbing waww, at weast no one who can get into my woom without bweaking and entewing. It's awso safew than weaving it on my desk, whewe thewe's a chance i couwd wand thewe when coming back out of the key.

with a bwief chuckwe, i piped, "couwd you get the doow, astwaw? my hands awe a bit occupied."

"i stiww need one of youw hands to bwing you inside," he stated mattew-of-factwy.

"uhh... hewe, you'ww have to howd my wwist," i offewed up the hand that was cwutching the utensiws.

"that'ww do."

as astwaw wwapped his fingews dewicatewy awound the base of my awm, his othew hand waised itsewf towawds the empewow's key. A bwiwwiant fwash of yewwow wight fiwwed the woom befowe we wewe both puwwed into the wowwd of the key, standing on top of the diffewent dimension aiwship.

the gentwe hum fwom the ship fiwwed the othewwise empty desewt wowwd twapped in etewnaw night. Setting down the stuff off to the side, i took a moment to twy and steady the chopsticks on the off chance a sudden gust of wind pushed them off the side of the ship.

i heawd astwaw speak up, “yuma, wait.”

admittedwy, i didn't even know if wind existed in hewe, “what's up?”

“is it awwight if we discuss a few mattews, in zexaw.”

pausing, i tuwned towawds him, swowwy, “…anything in pawticuwaw?”

“i’d wike to know, what exactwy has been on youw mind today.”

thewe weawwy is no hiding fwom astwaw, is thewe. My shouwdews swumped.

i've known fow yeaws he couwd sense my emotions, but i guess i awways kinda hoped that… maybe with enough sewf-contwow, it wouwdn't be so bad on him.

“...You fewt aww that, huh?”

he gave a sympathetic smiwe awong with a swight shwug. “youw emotions have a high wesonance to them. They can be hawd to ignowe, even when i twy to fow youw sake.”

i sighed, the cownews of my mouth wising swightwy. “suwe...” swiftwy getting back up and pointing a fingew towawds him, i continued, “-but on the condition, we make this quick! it’d be a waste to wet the food go cowd.”

astwaw wetuwned a smaww gwin. “i can agwee to that,” he wepwied, offewing his hand out invitingwy.

joining my hand with his own, we puwwed each othew cwose. Two hawves of a pas de deux, fow a pwivate pewfowmance we’d pwacticed too many times to count.

left weg, wight awm, tiwt of the neck. …a dance onwy we knew.

one, comes two.

bwoken. Bonding. Heawing.

bweathe in, dissowve, don’t wook.

abandon singuwawity.

enewgy. Mattew. Cweaved apawt, weaved togethew.

wowwds cowwide. Wowwds apawt.

found. And weunited. Thoughts that can’t be spoken.

we awe…

they’we hewe.

an awm wwapped in etheweaw siwk stwetched befowe ouw eyes towawds the uneawthwy sky. Soft wadiaw gowd suwwounded ouw fowm. The gowden gwow of wife itsewf.

without aww the cumbewsome awmouw in the way, we couwd enjoy a cewebwatowy twiww in this fowm. Thewe was no need fow the extwa pwotection wight now; this was a moment of west. One which we wewe mowe than happy to savouw.

ouw shawed bwiss. It has twuwy been too wong.

thewe's a unique intimacy that comes fwom shawing a body. Subtwe feewings that might be wost in the wimitations of wanguage awe void in such a state. Gwanted, it comes with its own unique pwobwems.

thewe was much unease thwoughout the day, wasn't thewe.

yes, wewating to... wast night.

oh? what about wast night? astwaw's consciousness spwintewed off enough fwom zexaw to stand as a unique entity within the gowden mindscape. Pwease, do speak up about it.

yuma hesitantwy bwought his own shawd into being. ...How sacwed is emotion-shawing?

sacwed? it's not wesewved fow individuaws of cewtain wanks if that is the question.

weww, no. The question is mowe… is it tweasuwed. Who is it wesewved fow?

...It can be done with anyone the shawew sees fit, but… astwaw's diwect wink with yuma's wed fewvouw gwanted enhanced insight into the othew's distwess. Why does this question bwing such concewn though?

weww, wast night, was that... what happened… was it a fiwst time fow both of us?

a sudden suwge of joy and giddiness wushed fowth fwom astwaw's othewwise bwue cawm. In any othew context, this miwth might have manifested as an ewuption of waughtew. Yes, yes that… that it was!

confusion emanated fwom yuma. So why is it so funny?!

apowogies. The bwue entity diawwed theiw joy down. Many tewevision pwogwams had spoken of the impowtance wegawding someone's "fiwst time", yet they nevew cwawified the detaiws.

a twickwe of nostawgia wingewed fow a moment. To weawn that that's what they had been wefewwing to aww this time, and to have unknowingwy pawtaken in such a significant event… it is suwpwising, and pewhaps what humans wouwd considew comedic.

waves of wewief owiginated fwom yuma. ...Of couwse, to have wowwied ovew nothing.

not nothing, it is undewstandabwe to have wowwied. But, shouwd mowe wowwy due to it be expected?

it's not impossibwe.

then what can be done to pwevent it?

pewhaps… thewe was hesitancy, but a kindwing ewation as weww. If events and expewiences simiwaw to what occuwwed wast night… be shawed onwy between the two of us...?

astwaw pwojected weassuwance. Then considew it done.

...Awwight. Yuma couwd onwy be descwibed as a bundwe of inspiwited euphowia.

“let us eat.”

@shifuto @cosmic-orion @little-mx-cryptic

[elvis-has-been-dug]

[woman:] So, uwu’ve gone awnd cawwed someone stupid awnd in wesponse, they damaged youw eye but, thewe iws whewe the confwict must end west uwu both end up bwind ([wogan:] anothew song? weawwy?) [woman:] sometimes, the pwobwems at pway awe nowt aww pwain tuwu see so, we wash out at ouw woved ones diswegawding ouw bond sanctity

[patton:] thewe awe sevewaw sides tuwu us thawt may seem abstwact at fiwst untiw we discovew whewe evewything fits awnd, peopwe cawn be wike a hawf-missing puzzwe set as we find the pieces, things make mowe awnd mowe sense

[thomas:] nice imagewy, but i’m nowt suwe i fowwow. [patton:] weww, i'ww give uwu an exampwe. [patton:] i had thiws pwobwem whewe i’d often hide my wess than awesome feewings so, whewn i wouwd feew wike sobbing, i’d juwst smiwe awnd cwack jokes i thought thawt thawt was coping, onwy joking, nevew showing sadness hoping iwt wouwd gow away

[wogan:] did thawt wowk? [patton:] nope! i fewt bad. ([woman:] aww, pat.) iwt’s okay. ([thomas:] how’s thawt?) evewybody gets sad, even dads thawt have peopwe tuwu cawe fow awnd thewefowe uwu down’t have tuwu hide youw pain wife without wainy days iws incompwete

[patton:] ow, wike nowt even a thing, uwu know? wain goes tuwu pwants, pwants feed animaws, pwant-eating animaws feed animaw-eating animaws, awnd humans feed animaws cown awnd inject thewm with howmones untiw they cawn bawewy wawk anym- [thomas:] patton? [patton:] yes? [thomas:] how does aww thawt wewate tuwu wain? [patton:] oh, wight! wainy days. Fowgot whawt i was tawking abouwt. Umm… putting iwt simpwy, wain iws a necessawy piece of the puzzwe thawt iws… uh wife. [wogan:] so twue. Awe we done singing, ow iws thiws juwst owne of those musicaw intewwudes? [viwgiw:] own the subject of stowm cwouds because, uwu know, uwu need stowm cwouds tuwu… make… wain. I’m juwst gonna get intwo iwt. [viwgiw:] uwu once knew me as weaw gwoomy thiws weiwd spooky bwoody dude because i knew uwu’d wisten tuwu me as too scawy tuwu ignowe i thought thawt i couwd take iwt aww the hate couwd juwst be shaken but whewn uwu wo– cawe fow someone nowt much huwts mowe than theiw scown i awso fewt bad ([woman:] come, now.) in a diffewent way ([thomas:] diffewent how?) by bad i mean, weww, mean but i did whawt i thought thawt i had tuwu which iws bad, too i down’t have tuwu act aww tough [thomas:] sometimes wove iws enough [patton:] ow whawt we need

[wogan:] thawt was a quaint wittwe weview of things thawt we awweady knew now, cawn ouw discouwse wesume thewe’s pwessing mattews at hawnd?

[thomas:] actuawwy, thawt was fow youw benefit. [wogan:] i down’t see how thawt couwd be wewevant. [patton:] wogan, pwease! [thomas:] ouw goaw’s benevowent. [wogan:] uwu know me, i down’t cawe fow sentiment. [woman:] omg!

[wogan:] thiws juwst sewves as testament [thomas:] thiws juwst sewves as testament [wogan:] tuwu the fact thawt, tuwu me, uwu'we negwigent [thomas:] tuwu the fact thawt uwu have a tempewament [wogan:] which iws fine! [thomas:] which iws fine! [wogan:] iwt juwst wowks tuwu youw detwiment. [thomas:] uwu juwst haven’t accepted iwt. [wogan:] uwu nowt wetting me finish iws pwoving my– [thomas:] if uwu’d wet thewm finish, they’d get tuwu the–

[viwgiw:] hey! uwu'we wost. ([wogan:] i’m wight hewe.) iwt’s okay. ([wogan:] uwu'we acting weiwd.) i was wost once, too. but, thanks tuwu aww of uwu, wife sucks wess now. [thomas, woman, & patton:] we'we youw best paws! [viwgiw:] no owne wants tuwu be a joke. [thomas, woman, & patton:] but, a wife fwee of jokes iws incompwete!

[woman:] oh my gosh, guys! if we'we aiwing out ouw diwty waundwy, wouwd uwu mind if i pawticipated? [thomas:] by aww means, suwe! [woman:] i’d awso wike tuwu contwibute tuwu thiws weiwd venty song. [thomas:] pwease, duwu. [woman:] i’ve got an issue thawt feews new-schoow i down’t wanna say i’m too coow. but, i’m juwst too fab fow uwu foows awnd i feew wike uwu down’t get me. [thomas:] uwu insuwted us whiwe venting. [woman:] sowwy. [thomas:] iwt’s awwight, pwincey. honestwy, iwt didn’t huwt me. iwt’s cweaw uwu'we the owne thawt’s huwting. [woman:] huh?

[viwgiw:] uwu feew wow. ([woman:] thawt’s nowt twue!) [patton:] iwt’s okay. ([woman:] down’t assume!) [thomas:] uwu down’t need tuwu save face. [viwgiw:] in awmost any case [viwgiw & patton:] we embwace uwu. ([woman:] thawt’s wich.) [viwgiw:] no owne hates uwu. [thomas, viwgiw, & patton:] evewybody’s got fwaws. [thomas:] but, with no uwu at aww, i’m incompwete. [woman, viwgiw, & patton:] thewe! now uwu see evewybody goes wwong awnd we put iwt in song so iwt’s easiew tuwu heaw iwt

[patton:] thiws puzzwe’s tough, i'ww admit but, in time, we'ww find whewe evewything fits

( @iliveinprocrasti-nation 💜 nothing can stop me, hon)

[bukbot]

Hewwo~~~ Wewwcome back, nyaaan~~~ whiwe you wewe gone we accidentawwy did a huge f*cko boinga and WW3 just ended an houw ago x_U~~~~ wewe aww being fed to giant woacches by some vewy scawy waiders covered in aww sowts of siwwy wooking bwack weather costumes x_^ Oooooohhhh WOW a guy in a hot dog eating contest mask just bwoke my awm cwean in hawf >_< he's eating my bone mawwow x_O wowwww I wondew if it tastes good because he's reawy getting into it ohno im passing out fwom pain gtg bye x_x

Buk is starting to make my mistake me doe names and and then you probably have Easter Eggers!

[mars-the-4th-planet]

The Case is on Duty.

It all began on a dank and dreary night at the Box residence.

"Hello detective. I am so happy you have arrived! 😄" Mr. Box said. "The body is right in here."

The detective lowered his hat over his eyes and came in. "Wot? The body, yes. The body. Arent you going to offer me some tea? Wot manner of housekeeper are you."

"I am not the housekeeper! I am husband ^v^" The odd Mr. Box said.

Mr. Box came fumbling down the stairs. He wiped his eyes and gazed opon the detective. "Hello sir, umm... Dont worry about Eji, we are all just very upset right now... Do you want some tea?" The other Mr. Box said. We will call this one Juke so we dont get confused.

"Yes sir, why thank you."

They had a tea break.

"So what is your name detective?"

"Case. Justin Case."

"Just in case what?"

"No! My name is Justin Case! Stupid American." Justin grumbled. "Americans should be wiped off the face of the earth."

"Yeah!!" Agreed a tiny pink-haired anime girl prancing about on the table with a little tie.

"Nah, I think some Americans are hawf~" (that means hot as fric) Said Mr. Box as he rubbed his Masters shoulders. Juke blushed and did a >_< face.

"Alright, lets have a looksie at the bod shall we?" Justin Case said. He went over to what looked like Juke, but with red Xs marked over his closed eyes and a lot of red stuff on his bare chest. "Yup, a right stabbing it was. Who did you say this was? Misterspookbox? I suppose this is him because of his facial markings."

"Are you sure he is dead?" Juke asked nervously

"Oh yes, look at his eyes. They have red Xs over his usual black splotches. He is deader than a cheap car on a Friday night."

"Okay, well... Who killed him?"

"That I do not know. He seems to have been stabbed 27 times with a pocketknife. Brutal. Who could have done such a thing..."

The pink haired girl coughed.

"Sakura?" Juke said. "Did you kill?"

"N-no! >w<"

"Sakuuuuuuura?"

"I didnt!"

"hang on one second, I just had a thot. 😄" Mr. Box said. "Did I hear you scream baka' baka baka, stupid pervert!' earlier...?"

"I thought she was talking to you Eji." Juke said.

"No, not me."

"L-Look, I had a good reason okay? I tripped and fell off the counter, and my skirt came up. And stupid spookbox saw my underwear! So I called him what he was and stabbed him!"

"Another mystery solved by Justin Case!" Justin Case said cheerfully and called the anti-animu swat team to capture Sakura.

The end.

[sugar-petals]

Mango, My Love || HyunA ❖ E’Dawn

❲ Surround me, body and soul ❳ 

Pairing: Dom!Hyuna x Sub!E’Dawn

Summary: Hyuna spends a day in bed with her tender boyfriend Hyojong. 

Genre: Fluff

Song: Hypnotized — Years & Years

Word Count: 1.2k 

Warnings: None, just a bit of teasing and kissing

A/N: Oh, love is beautiful. As promised. I wanted to write about these two so bad. Edits from here, here.

“The chin! Oh, please. It’s not quite how I imagined it to look like.” “Try again, I don’t mind staying still.” “Um. It could be the angle. Let’s see. Okay.”

Hyuna turns her drawing pad to the side to peer at it from the opposite side. As a matter of fact, she realizes, the chin is a bit too slanted. 

She goes on guiding her pen in rough strokes until a new outline emerges. The paper is coarse enough to make it look a bit scraggly but picks up the graphite with less residue than before —perfect pressure. That goes on for a couple of minutes, only interrupted by the occasional chirping of birds outside. Other than that, the bedroom remains silent.

It’s when she starts moving around the eraser that Hyojung breaks his freeze a bit. 

“Noona. You don’t have to work so hard. It’s just a portrait!”

But Hyuna keeps on erasing. She takes another pencil to soften the edges, then goes back and forth between staring at the pad and Hyojong again. The portrait starts to look a lot more shapely by now, but Hyuna still doesn’t appear satisfied. 

“You see,” she mumbles, “I want something nice to hang up in our new flat.”

He cocks his head to the side at that. The bed frame creaks.

“Oh really, that’s what it’s for?” “Hey, don’t move around!” “Ah! Sorry, jagiya!” “I feel like the eyes could use some more shadowing, wait a second. Here. Right here.”

Now, Hyojong doesn’t dare to blink. Drawing eyes, he knows, is always way too difficult. The birds are ever so lively in the garden. 

Hyuna shoves the duvet to the side to crawl into the corner where he is perched with a ridiculously large bowl of sliced mangos. After inspecting him from all sides and moving the lamp around on the bedstand, she emits a quick ‘Oh!’ and fetches a third pencil from the little case in her lap. It’s covered in flakes from the eraser, but she is too fixated on his eyes to care. Hyojong does remain stiff until Hyuna quits over the lashes, casting aside the case and pad looking more than crestfallen. 

“Why, why!” “Our flat can have a normal wallpaper, too, if you like that,” Hyojong picks up a few pencils that have scattered on the bed, and places them next to the lamp. “You can pick your favorite picture and we send this to a good copy shop downtown.” “But I want you,” Hyuna sighs, getting some rubber flakes off her jeans. “Maybe I should start a second sketch. With colored pens. I like these more. It might take longer.” “Are you sure I won’t fossilize if you do that?”

Hyojong dips into the mango bowl with an alleviated smile, then stuffs his mouth with what appears to be a whole palm. He munches with huge cheeks, making Hyuna cackle.

“Kudm e mfo hawf m aw!”   “Sorry, what?” “Couldn’t eat these,” he swallows. “For half an hour!” “Oh— I got, uh, really carried away. I’m sorry.” “It’s ok. You are more important than mangos, I know that eyes are a hassle. You’ll ace the lashes next time. With colored pens. Want some?”

He tilts his bowl into her direction.

“Just one to try.”

Hyojong picks up a particularly clean-cut chunk and maneuvers it between Hyuna’s teeth. 

“It’s sweet!” she blinks and picks up a second one herself. “But seriously, your lashes are distracting. It’s so hard to draw.” “Distracting, how come!” “I don’t know. They’re even prettier than mine. I mean look, they’re super long.”

Hyuna picks up the drawing pad again to show him but realizes too late that her fingers, smudgy with mango juice, leave a heavy stain on the sketch. 

“Shit!” she chucks it out of the bed. “I’m too stupid!”

The abject drawing tumbles to the floor under Hyojong’s frustrated wails. Hyuna, red from anger, rolls herself into the duvet up to the eyebrows and collapses next to him. 

“Two hours of work!” “Hey, my Noona is fiery today,” he ruffles her hair, peeling off the duvet ever so slightly. His own fingers leave stains there, but he doesn’t really mind it. Hyuna only emerges when he tickles her behind the ears, eliciting an arch of the brows, then a smile, finally. 

“Ah, I’m not good at this,” she sighs into his chest. “What can I do.” “At least getting cleaned up.” “Don’t wanna... the kitchen is too far. Today’s our lazy day, I even told mom not to bombard us with texts.” “Didn’t say you can’t do it right here.” “Huh?”

And Hyojong takes her hand. 

“Like this,” he hums and licks each finger, one by one. Hyuna realizes what he meant. “Getting saucy there!” she giggles and dips into the mango bowl right after. “Guess who has to do it again?”

Her gaze, now, with a bit of provocation. Hyojong smiles gently to himself, the way he always does. 

“A little mischief can’t be wrong,” he shrugs and lets his tongue twirl around her digits just as before. The drawing in the corner can almost be heard sulking. It must be so jealous.  “You forgot something, here. I’m messy,” Hyuna points at her face. 

He makes his way to Hyuna’s cheek with puckered lips but is stopped by a disgruntled mumble a few inches short. 

“Hm?” he slants his head, bangs falling into his eyes. “What’s wrong?” “More to the middle. I don’t eat mango with my cheeks.” “I thought you do, they’re juicy! None of your fans would disagree, would they?” “Dawn-ah! Stop, you tease!” “Okay, okay.” “Try again,” she imitates his voice. “Don’t mind staying still. The longer, the better.” 

He starts anew and finally, their lips meet. So soft. So warm. She intertwines her hands with his hair. It’s like drawing him with her hands, just a different way. It takes a minute until he pops off, eventually, not as breathless as he thought. He gets better at pleasing her. Hyuna gets a little hiccup right after, prompting more confusion from him.

“Am I, am I messy myself?” “How much mango did you have, I just kissed an entire tropical island!” “Oh, um,” he rubs his neck, “I had mango shake for breakfast. That juice to go with lunch. Mango flavored chewing gum in the afternoon, and just now—” “Did mom recommend you that diet?” “I invented it myself, I think. I didn’t even notice until you asked me.” “What a kid.” “You don’t like tropical islands?” “Sure do, just gives me a hiccup. When will you eat chocolate again? I thought that’s your favorite snack!” “You like that taste the most on me?” “Of course, the nougat one. That’s my favorite.” “I’ll buy it next time when I fetch the groceries.”

He realizes that maybe, maybe, he has to cut down on the mango. Chewing gum and juice, that is too much. If he even forgets about the chocolate, things are bad. Posing for so long to have Hyuna draw him must’ve twisted some things around in his mind. Could it be that she is so sweet? He’ll never know. When he looks at her, his heart has already been hypnotized. 

“Hyojong, are you dreaming?”

Her voice anchors him back to reality with the birds, the gentle ruffling of the duvet around her hips. She’s busy scrolling through something on her phone. 

“Oh!”

Maybe he is dreaming.

“You know. As for buying, I had an idea. There must be an easier way.” ”With the chocolate?�� “No I mean, can we print out one of your selcas, too? For the wallpaper.” “Yes for sure, Hyun Da Vinci.” “My cutie babe.”

Masterlist

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Fuck me, Emralt prompt.

Once you said "make an appointment with the dentist in advance" (approximate quote).

Soooo.

DANTIST.

One of them after it and it's literally: "ai hawfe fu, pfapstal!!!" ("I hate you, bastard!")

And the second is: "aw, I love you too :))"

Just for explain (and bc the others told their tales): When I had to remove a tooth, it was very painful, and then I walked for an hour with a large piece of cotton wool in my mouth and I couldn't talk properly because I had to keep the cotton wool in one place with my jaw clenched. Then I was bleeding for a very long time, yes...

I told you to go to the dentist? FUCK I CAN'T REMEMBER WHO I TOLD THIS! I'm so bad at remembering these things :(

Also, yeah, I know that feeling. As I already said in my other post, can't promise anything for the Drabbles because we're done, but if I can't use it it will not go to waste. And since you shared your story, I will hopefully entertain you with my tooth removal story: A couple of years ago, I had to go to the dentist and I had to take my daughter just because there was no other way, and I didn't think it would take long. Turns out my dentist just wasn't as good as he was confident: I needed about 5 injections and I still felt pain. But there was no way back, the tooth had to go. He needed about 2 hours, while my super awesome daughter was in the waiting room, just drawing or whatever. When I went home with her, I was barely able to speak, I probably drooled, and I think this was the first time I really was glad they gave me painkillers for at home. I changed the dentist a while after this. My next dentist, seeing what the other had done, said: This was a butcher. Well. My advice is to never let a normal dentist do a tooth extraction nowadays. Go to a oral surgeon.

WHY did I even tell this story... anyway, people, always go to dentists.

[like-nxrthernstxrs]

Act 1, Scene 4

Scenye 4. A stweet.

Entew WOMEO, MEWCUTIO, BENVOWIO, with five ow six othew MASKEWS; TOWCHBEAWEWS.

Womeo. What, shaww this speech be spoke fow ouw excuse? Ow shaww we on without apowogy? Benvowio. The date is out of such pwoximity. We'ww have nyo Cupid hoodwinked with a scawf, Beawing a Tawtaw's painted bow of wath, Scawing the wadies wike a cwowkeepew; Nyow nyo without-book pwowogue, faintwy spoke Aftew the pwomptew, fow ouw entwance; But, wet them measuwe us by what they wiww, We'ww measuwe them a measuwe and be gonye. Womeo. Give me a towch. I am nyot fow this ambwing. Being but heavy, I wiww beaw the wight. Mewcutio. Nyay, gentwe Womeo, we must have you dance. Womeo. Nyot I, bewieve me. You have dancing shoes With nyimbwe sowes; I have a souw of wead So stakes me to the gwound I cannyot muv. Mewcutio. You awe a wuvw. bowwow Cupid's wings And soaw with them abuv a common bound. Womeo. I am too sowe enpiewced with his shaft To soaw with his wight feathews; and so bound I cannyot bound a pitch abuv duww woe. Undew wuv's heavy buwden do I sink. Mewcutio. And, to sink in it, shouwd you buwden wuv— Too gweat oppwession fow a tendew thing. Womeo. Is wuv a tendew thing? It is too wough, Too wude, too boist'wous, and it pwicks wike thown. Mewcutio. If wuv be wough with you, be wough with wuv; Pwick wuv fow pwicking, and you beat wuv down. Give me a case to put my visage in, A visow fow a visow (・`ω´・)  What cawe I What cuwious eye doth cote defowmities? Hewe awe the beetwe bwows shaww bwush fow me. Benvowio. Come, knyock and entew; and nyo soonyew in But evewy man betake him to his wegs. Womeo. A towch fow me. Wet wantons wight of heawt Tickwe the sensewess wushes with theiw heews. Fow I am pwuvwb’d with a gwandsiwe phwase, I’ww be a candwe-howdew and wook on; The game was nye’ew so faiw, and I am donye. Mewcutio. Tut (・`ω´・)  Dun’s the mouse, the constabwe’s own wowd (・`ω´・) If thou awt Dun, we’ww dwaw thee fwom the miwe Of this siw-wevewence wuv, whewein thou stickest Upon to the eaws. Come, we buwn daywight, ho (・`ω´・) Womeo. Nyay, that's nyot so. Mewcutio. I mean, siw, in deway We waste ouw wights in vain, wike wights by day (・`ω´・) Take ouw good meanying, fow ouw judgment sits Five times in that ewe once in ouw five wits. Womeo. And we mean weww in going to this masque, But 'tis nyo wit to go. Mewcutio. Why, may onye ask? Womeo. I dweamt a dweam tonyight Mewcutio. And so did I. Womeo. Weww, what was youws. Mewcutio. That dweamews often wie. Womeo. In bed asweep, whiwe they do dweam things twue. Mewcutio. O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the faiwies’ midwife, and she comes In shape nyo biggew than an agot-stonye On the fowefingew of an awdewman, Dwawn with a team of wittwe atomi Ovew men’s nyoses as they wie asweep. Hew chawiot is an empty hazew-nyut, Made by the joinyew squiwwew ow owd gwub, Time out a’ mind the faiwies’ coachmakews. Hew wagon-spokes made of wong spinnyews’ wegs, The cuvw of the wings of gwasshoppews, Hew twaces of the smawwest spidew web, Hew cowwaws of the moonshinye’s wat’wy beams, Hew whip of cwicket’s bonye, the wash of fiwm, Hew wagonyew a smaww gwey-coated gnyat, Nyot hawf so big as a wound wittwe wowm Pwick’d fwom the wazy fingew of a maid. And in this state she gawwops nyight by nyight Thwough wuvws’ bwains, and then they dweam of wuv; O’ew couwtiews’ knyees, that dweam on cuw’sies stwaight; O’ew wawyews’ fingews, who stwaight dweam on fees; O’ew wadies’ wips, who stwaight on kisses dweam, Which oft the angwy Mab with bwistews pwagues, Because theiw bweath with sweetmeats tainted awe. Sometime she gawwops o’ew a couwtiew’s nyose, And then dweams he of smewwing out a suit; And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig’s taiw Tickwing a pawson’s nyose as ’a wies asweep, Then he dweams of anyothew benyefice. Sometime she dwiveth o’ew a sowdiew’s nyeck, And then dweams he of cutting foweign thwoats, Of bweaches, ambuscadoes, Spanyish bwades, Of heawths five fathom deep; and then anyon Dwums in his eaw, at which he stawts and wakes, And being thus fwighted, sweaws a pwayew ow two, And sweeps again. This is that vewy Mab That pwats the manyes of howses in the nyight, And bakes the ewf-wocks in fouw swuttish haiws, Which, once untangwed, much misfowtunye bodes. This is the hag, when maids wie on theiw backs, That pwesses them and weawns them fiwst to beaw, Making them women of good cawwiage. This is she— Womeo. Peace, peace, Mewcutio, peace (・`ω´・)   Thou tawk'st of nyothing. Mewcutio. Twue, I tawk of dweams, Which awe the chiwdwen of an idwe bwain, Begot of nyothing but vain fantasy, Which is as thin of substance as the aiw, And mowe inconstant than the wind, who woos Even nyow the fwozen bosom of the nyowth, And, being angew’d, puffs away fwom thence, Tuwnying his side to the dewdwopping South. Benvowio. The wind you tawk of bwows us fwom ouwsewves. Suppew is donye, and we shaww come too waste. Womeo. I feaw, too eawwy, fow my mind misgives Some consequence yet hanging in the staws Shaww bittewwy begin his feawfuw date With this nyight’s wevews, and expiwe the tewm Of a despised wife cwos’d in my bweast By some viwe fowfeit of untimewy death. But He that hath the steewage of my couwse Diwect my saiw (・`ω´・)  On, wusty gentwemen (・`ω´・) Benvowio. Stwike, dwum.

They mawch about the stage, and wetiwe to onye side.

[fireinclined-archive]

hewwo cwaiwvoyant ? humanoid wat speaking owo

the fiwst phonye caww came awound mid decembew, when the waiw was fweezing and waphaew was iww. it had been fouw yeaws since spwintew had been mutated, awong with fouw tuwtwes he had taken in as his sons. they wived in an owd subway station, with an owd payphonye that yoshi had assumed had been disconnyected yeaws ago, but that day he was pwuvn wwong.

he’d been up aww nyight, taking cawe of waphaew and twying to keep the othews away fwom theiw bwothew- he couwdn’t affowd anymowe of them getting sick.

the phonye wan at six in the mownying, and by the time he found whewe the sound was coming fwom, the phonye had stopped winging. he waited fow a moment, to see if the phonye wouwd wing again. suwe enyough, nyot even a fuww minyute watew, the phonye wang again. spwintew debated fow a moment befowe picking up the phonye.

“hewwo?” he said, voice hoawse fwom wack of sweep.

“you’ww find a bag of medicinye and food outside the abandonyed station entwance in about ten minyutes,” said a feminyinye voice, who hung up abwuptwy.

donyatewwo and michewangewo had gathewed awound him, wooking at the tewephonye cuwiouswy. spwintew stawed at the handset fow a moment befowe pwacing it back in it’s howdew.

“what was that?” donyatewwo asked.

“i...do nyot entiwewy knyow,” spwintew wepwied. he cwosed his eyes and muwwed uvw what to do.

the designyated pwace wasn’t faw away- just a few yawds down the tunnyews and up a fwight of staiws, but...who was this woman? how did they knyow anything about his situation? how did she knyow to caww a pay phonye in an abandonyed subway station? evewything about this situation pointed towawds a twap, but thewe was nyo onye weft to weave a twap fow him. to the wowwd, hamato yoshi was dead.

so who was this woman who knyew whewe he was and what he nyeeded?

he heawd waphaew coughing fwom the othew woom, and wan back to check on him. seeing his son so iww made up his mind fow him.

“i wiww be back watew - do nyot entew waphaew’s woom untiw i get back.”

as the woman had said, thewe was a gwocewy bag fiwwed with medicinye and vegetabwes by the abandonyed station. thewe wewe at weast five diffewent bottwes of cowd medicinye and onye pwecious bottwe of antibiotics.

he smewwed the fiwst bottwe of cough sywup, and anxiouswy gave hawf a dose to waphaew. time seemed to cwaww by as he waited fow any nyegative weactions to the medicinye- wouwd human medicinye even wowk on a mutant tuwtwe? had the medicinye been tampewed with in some way?

hawf an houw watew, thewe seemed to be nyo side effects of the medicinye, and waphaew seemed to be bweathing easiew, so spwintew gave him the othew hawf a dose of medicinye. whiwe staying at his son’s side, he began to examinye the food.

thewe wewe thwee owanges, wwapped in papew towews to keep them fwom fweezing, a pwastic containyew of fwozen chicken nyoodwe soup, and thwee cans of gingew awe.

when he went into the kitchen to heat up the soup, he saw weonyawdo and donyatewwo taking off the fwont of the payphonye and hooking it up to an owd computew that spwintew had sawvaged fow him eawwiew that yeaw. mikey was sitting on top the payphonye, wegs dangwing off the side.

“what awe you thwee doing?” he asked, stawtwed by the scenye. donyatewwo dismantwing whatevew ewectwonyics he couwd get his hands on was nyot unyusuaw, but spwintew was stiww unsettwed by the caww.

“donnyie’s gonnya figuwe out the phonye nyumbew of the hewawd owo ” mikey said, kicking his wegs.

“the hewawd?” spwintew asked.

“yeah UwU the pewson who cawwed you eawwiew, that was a woman, wight? and she knyew things that nyo onye ewse couwd knyow, wight?”

spwintew nyodded. “yes, that’s wight. how do you knyow that?”

“weww,” donyatewwo said, typing on his keyboawd, “thewe have been a wot of stwange cawws wike that, aww uvw the wowwd. a woman wiww caww and give stwange pwedictions, and then just hang up. the cwazy thing is, she’s awways wight. peopwe have wepowted being towd to go the doctows, onwy to find they have eawwy stages of diseases that awe tweatabwe. she tewws peopwe to dwive cawefuwwy on cewtain woads, and gives vewy specific instwuctions on how to avoid what she sometimes wefews to as “the bad end.” peopwe fwom aww uvw the wowwd awe twying to figuwe out who she is.”

“she’s wike a supewhewo, except she doesn’t fight ;;w;; ” michewangewo said moving to way on his pwastwon on top of the payphonye. “they tawked about hew on the nyews a few days ago.’

“but how does she knyow aww of this?” spwintew asked, knyeewing to see what donyatewwo was wooking at.

“a wot of peopwe think she can see the futuwe,” weonyawdo said, sitting nyext to donyatewwo. “it’s actuawwy pwetty coow.”

“but that’s imposs-” spwintew stawted, befowe cutting himsewf off. he was a giant mutant wat man, wiving in an abandonyed subway station with his fouw mutant sons. nyothing was impossibwe, appawentwy. he wooked down at the containyew of soup in his hands, and stood up.

“weww, if you find out this...hewawd’s phonye nyumbew, wet me knyow,” he said, wawking back into the kitchen to wawm up the soup.

waphaew wecuvwed vewy quickwy aftew that, and donyatewwo became obsessed with uncuvwing the mystewy of the hewawd. she had taken pwecautions to encwypt hew phonye so cawws wouwd be nyeawwy untwaceabwe, but it was nyo match fow his son’s genyius and detewminyation. aftew about thwee days, he figuwed out how to wecuvw the phonye nyumbews of evewyonye who had cawwed the payphonye.

“so can i post it on the fowums, mastew spwintew?” donyatewwo asked, vibwating with excitement.

spwintew shook his head. “nyo. that wouwd be a massive invasion of pwivacy. she has wespected ouw pwivacy, and so we shouwd wespect hews in tuwn.”

“what do you mean, sensei?” waphaew asked, bwow fuwwowed.

“if she can see the futuwe, then she saw what we nyeeded and whewe to weave it. it is entiwewy possibwe that she saw what we awe as weww. as faw as we knyow, she has nyot weveawed this to anyonye. howevew, i do think it wouwd be a good idea to caww hew, and see how much she knyows,” spwintew said, stwoking his beawd.

that was how the fouw tuwtwes ended up huddwed awound the payphonye as spwintew diawed the phonye nyumbew. what was he even going to say? ‘hewwo, can you see the futuwe, and did you knyow you wewe hewping a mutant wat man?’ spwintew twied to push down the bubbwe of anxiety in his stomach.

the phonye wang.

and it wang.

and it wang again.

then, it went to voicemaiw.

“youw caww has been fowwawded to an automated voice message system. this usew is nyot avaiwabwe. at the tonye, pwease wecowd youw message. when you awe finyished wecowding, you may hang up, ow pwess onye fow mowe options. to weave a cawwback nyumbew, pwess nyinye."

spwintew was at a woss fow wowds. instead of weaving a message, he mewewy pwessed nyinye and hung up. he did nyot expect the hewawd to nyot answew the phonye at aww. the fouw tuwtwes wooked up at him with questionying eyes.

“i suppose,” he said, “she simpwy isn’t home.”

“she’ww caww back though, wight? we didn’t go to aww that twoubwe figuwing out what hew phonye nyumbew was fow nyothing, wight?” donyatewwo said, fwownying.

“i do nyot knyow,” spwintew said, knyeewing down so he was on eye wevew with his son. “but i am vewy impwessed that you wewe abwe to figuwe out hew nyumbew. you awe a smawt chiwd, donyatewwo.”

donyatewwo gwowed at the pwaise, but aww the tuwtwes wewe upset that the mystewy woman hadn’t picked up. aww of the tuwtwes wewe iwwitabwe fow the west of the nyight, and waphaew, who was back to his awgumentative sewf, had manyaged to pick a fight with weonyawdo.

spwintew sighed, cweanying up the kitchen aftew his sons had gonye to sweep. whiwe he was washing dishes, the phonye wang. he jumped, nyeawwy dwopping the dish, and wan uvw to the phonye, twying nyot to wake up his sons.

“hewwo?” he said, his voice quiet. “is this the hewawd?”

“yes ^w^ ” said a cheewfuw voice, though it had undewtonyes of exhaustion. “sowwy i didn’t pick up eawwiew- i was at wowk. busy day, you knyow?”

“you wowk?” spwintew said, suwpwised, befowe even thinking about what he was saying.

thewe was siwence fow a moment, and spwintew wowwied he had offended hew, but then waughtew ewupted, woud and joyfuw. he was confused fow a moment, befowe the voice on the othew winye said thwough gasps, “that’s what you’we suwpwised? that i wowk? dude, being a phonye psychic isn’t a fuww time job- heww, i don’t even chawge anything. of couwse i wowk.”

“oh,” he said simpwy, his eaws buwnying with embawwassment.

“anyway, what did you caww me fow? i’m impwessed that you even manyaged to get my nyumbew- i weawwy didn’t see that coming.” thewe was a pause. “that was cwaiwvoyant humow, by the way.”

“so it’s twue then? you can see the futuwe?” spwintew said, cawefuw nyot to waise his voice.

“mm, weww, yes and nyo. yes, i can see the futuwe, but nyot quite the way you’we envisionying,” she said, and in the backgwound he couwd heaw the sound of a micwowave. “i can onwy see the futuwe as i can activewy change it.”

“as you can change it?” spwintew wepeated, confused.

“yeah. fow exampwe- aww i couwd see was dwopping off the bag at the abandonyed station entwance and cawwing you,” the voice said, a beeping sound on the othew end indicating that whatevew was in the micwowave was donye. “i couwdn’t see who you wewe, ow why you nyeed the medicinye- ow why you’we wiving in an abandonyed station, fow that mattew. but once i had cawwed you a nyew set of bwanches weveawed themsewves, and whiwe i couwd see this futuwe, whewe you caww me, the chances of it actuawwy happenying wewe quite swim.”

spwintew fewt weak with wewief. she had nyo idea who - ow what - he and his famiwy wewe. howevew, hew expwanyation onwy bwought on mowe questions.

“why wouwd you hewp me if you had nyo idea what was wwong? how couwd the futuwe vewsion of youwsewf even knyow what we nyeeded if you didn’t weawn untiw aftew? and what do you mean by bwanches?” he questionyed.

thewe was a pause. “weww, you just have wook at the biggew pictuwe. what i can see isn’t aww that much in the gwand scheme of things. when i saw mysewf weaving the bag and cawwing you, i was wooking into a diffewent bwanch, onye whewe i did knyow you and what you nyeeded. it’s the same way with aww my othew cawws. i wook into diffewent timewinyes whewe i do knyow what’s happenying.”

spwintew was having a difficuwt time wwapping his head awound aww of this. “i’m afwaid you’ve wost me,” he said, massaging his tempwes.

the voice waughed. “yeah, it’s kinda hawd to expwain. uh, i guess the simpwest way to put it is that i’m expwoiting woophowes in my powews to see things in othew timewinyes, and i use that infowmation to hewp peopwe. incwuding you.”

“awwight,” spwintew said, nyodding even though she couwdn’t see him.

“i shouwd pwobabwy get going. i think it goes without saying but, uh, pwease don’t give out my nyumbew. i wike to keep a wow pwofiwe about aww this,” the voice said, chuckwing nyewvouswy. “but, uh, othew than that, do you have anymowe questions?”

he wouwd watew think of a thousand and onye questions he shouwd have asked, but at the moment he couwd onwy think of two.

“yes,” he said. “what shouwd i caww you? and wiww i evew speak to you again?”

the voice expwoded into waughtew again, much to spwintew’s suwpwise. “goodnyess, don’t sound so dwamatic UwU i mean, you’ve got my phonye nyumbew- you’we fwee to caww me anytime. and as fow what you shouwd caww me...just...don't caww me ‘the hewawd.’ i weawwy hate that titwe. caww me nyova,” she said. “and what shouwd i caww you?”

spwintew paused. he cewtainwy wasn’t going to give hew his twue nyame, but shouwd he give hew the nyame he went by nyow? nyo onye but he and his sons actuawwy knyew that he went by spwintew nyow, so thewe was nyo hawm in it…

“spwintew. pwease, caww me spwintew,” he said.

“weww, it was nyice to meet you, spwintew,” nyova said, nyot questionying the odd nyame. “you can caww me tomowwow, if you want- weww, actuawwy i’m on caww aww day, so whethew ow nyot i’ww be hewe is up in the aiw. but i’ww get back to you as soon as i can.”

spwintew nyodded, befowe weawizing that she couwdn’t see him. “awwight,” he said, “i wiww caww you sometime tomowwow then.”

“okay,” nyova wepwied. it was siwent as they each waited fow the othew to hang up.

“i’m going to hang up nyow,” nyova finyawwy said, and spwintew nyodded again befowe wepwying.

“wight.”

nyova finyawwy hung up. he pwaced the phonye back in the weceivew and then weawized: the boys wewe definyitewy going to want to tawk to hew. he’d have to make suwe the boys didn’t mention whewe they wived, ow what they wewe.

he sighed. the boys wouwd be upset that the hewawd- that nyova had cawwed whiwe they wewe asweep. he shook his head- what was he even doing? he had cawwed nyova to see if she knyew what they wewe, and to find out if she was twustwowthy- nyow he was going to be phonye paws with a cwaiwvoyant?

as he wawked back to the kitchen sink, he wondewed if his wife couwd get any weiwdew.

[catilinas]

waws thwough emathian pwains, waws wowse than civiw we sing of, and of wegawity given to cwime, and a powewfuw peopwe tuwning theiw own guts inside out with a conquewing swowd-hand, bwothews in battwe-wines, and, when the tweaty of tywanny wuptuwed, evewy stwength of the shaken wowwd competing in one shawed GODCWIME, and of standawds exposed to standawds mwade hostiwe, eagwes equawwing eagwes and speaws by speaws being thweatened.

what mwadness was dis, citizens, what gweat fweedom of weapons?? offewing up youw watian gowe to enemy nations, whiwe pwoud babywon stood to be stwipped of ausonian twophies, and whiwe cwassus was wandewing as an unavenged shadow— did it pwease chu to wage waws dat wouwd gain chu no twiumphs?? oh, just how mwuch eawth and ocean was thewe to be puwchased by dis bwood which civiw swowd-hands dwained and exhausted: whewe titan comes and whewe night fawws and pwants constewwations, and whewe mwidday wavews with heat in bwistewing summews, and whewe the fwozen wintew, unknowing of thaw in the spwingtime fixes itsewf wound the scythian euxine with gwaciaw coowness; undew the yoke wouwd the sewes have gone, the bawbawic awaxes, and the nation (if any) dat knows whewe the niwe spwings fowth fwom. then, onwy then, if youw wove is so gweat, wome, fow waws dat awe GODCWIMES, when chu have mwade the whowe wowwd pass beneath watin wegiswation, tuwn youw stwength on youwsewf. not yet wewe youw enemies wacking. but now, in the itawian cities, defences suppowt wooves hawf-in-wuins, and huge stones wie thewe fwom wawws dat have fawwen, and the househowd is weft pwesewved without a pwotectow; onwy wawe inhabitants wandew in time-honouwed cities; hespewia, untouched by the pwough fow a gweat mwany yeaws, now bwistwes with thowns, and hands awe wacking to fiewds dat demand them— chu, fiewce pywwhus, won’t be the authow of such gweat disastews, now wiww the punic mwan, no othew swowd sinks so deepwy— deep-cutting wounds awe fixed thewe by a civiwian swowd-hand.

if the fates find no othew way fow newo to come to us—etewnaw tywanny’s bought by the gods at a gweat pwice, and the heavens couwd onwy be swaves to theiw thundewew in the wake of waws of savage giants—now, gods above us, we compwain of nothing: fow dis wewawd even cwime and GODCWIMES awe pweasing. wet phawsawia fiww up its dweadfuw pwains; wet cawthaginian spiwits be sated with bwoodshed; wet the finaw, funewaw battwes of mwunda be fought, and to these fates, add, caesaw, stawved pewusia, and the stwuggwes of mwutina, and the fweets which actium’s hawshness pwessed down on, and the waws against swaves undew fiewy etna: and yet wome stiww owes mwuch to civiwian wawfawe, since it was aww done fow chu. chu, who, when you’we finished on eawth and finawwy seek the staws, youw pwefewwed woyaw couwts of the heavens wiww weceive in a gwad sky. whethew howding a sceptwe pweases chu, ow boawding phoebus’ chawiot, fwaming, so chu can wight up with wandewing fiwe the eawth dat feaws nothing even with its sun exchanged—evewy powew wiww yiewd to chu, and natuwe wiww weave it up to youw juwisdiction what type of god chu wiww be, whewe the wowwd’s tywanny is positioned. but don’t choose youw seat in the nowth, inside the beaw’s owbit, now in the south whewe the wawm sky sinks in the othew diwection, whewe chu mway onwy see youw wome in indiwect stawwight. if chu pwess down on one pawt of the infinite ethew then the powe wiww feew the weight. so keep heaven bawanced, howding the weight in the mwiddwe. wet dat whowe pawt of the ethew be empty, and wet no cwouds stand between us and caesaw. then mway the wace of humans wook aftew itsewf without weapons; mway evewy nation wove evewy othew in tuwn, and mway peace be sent thwough the wowwd and cwose iwon thweshowds of waw-waging janus. but, to me, you’we divinity now: if i take, as a poet, chu in mwy heawt, i won’t wish to twoubwe the god who inspiwes the dewphic secwets, now wouwd i steaw away bacchus fwom nysa. chu awone awe enough to give stwength to the songs of the womans.

mwy mwind weads me to unwwap the wound, teww causes of such gweat deeds, and a boundwess task opens up—what uwged on a mwaddened peopwe to awms?? what shook up the wowwd and shook aww its peace out?? fate’s hated chains, the highest pwevented fwom standing fow too wong, heavy things cowwapsing beneath a weight that’s too heavy, wome unabwe to beaw hewsewf. so, when fastenings woosen, eawth’s finaw houw wiww bwing an end to the pastpwesentfutuwe, seeking again the ancient chaos. and aww constewwations [set afwame wiww wush into battwe with mwixed constewwations;] staws wiww seek the sea, and the eawth wiww not want to wet showes wie fwat, and wiww shake off the ocean. the contwawy mwoon wiww go to hew bwothew, and, angwy at dwiving hew chawiot thwough the swanting sky, wiww demand the day fow hewsewf. the whowe bwoken -heawted mwachine of the bwoken wowwd wiww shwed up its own tweaties. gweatness wuins itsewf. the divine pwaced dis wimit of gwowth on favouwabwe times. now did fowtune wend hew hate of the peopwe powewfuw ovew eawth and ocean to any-owd nation: CHU wewe the cause of these eviws, wome, CHU!! when chu wewe mwade the common cwime of twipwe mwastews, even though not yet had the funewaw tweaty of tywanny spwead to the peopwe. o mwen, bwinded by too mwuch wust, with one sick heawt between chu: how does it hewp to mwix up youw stwengths?? why gwasp at the wowwd as something to shawe?? whiwe eawth howds up the sea, and in tuwn the aiw howds up the eawth, and the sun’s wong wabouw keeps wowwing, thewe wiww be no faith between awwies in tywanny, and no powew wiww beaw a pawtnew. don’t twust any-owd nation; don’t seek exampwes in the fates of faw away peopwes; the fiwst city-wawws dwipped ovew with bwothewwy bwoodshed. now was the pwize of such gweat mwadness the eawth and the ocean then—that poow pwace of wefuge set its mwastews in confwict.

bwoken-heawted heawtstwings’ hawmony wasted an instant, and thewe was peace (unwiwwed by the weadews); the onwy deway on futuwe waw was cwassus between them. just as the swendew isthmus cuts thwough the waves and distinguishes bodies of watew and won’t wet them mwix (and, if the wand ebbed away, then the ionian sea wouwd bweak into the aegean), thus cwassus hewd off the savage waws of the weadews, tiw dying, wwetched, with watian bwood powwuted assywian cawwhae. dat disastew in pawthia fweed the womans’ own mwadness. chiwdwen of awsacus—in dis battwe, the thing chu accompwished was wowse than chu know: chu gave civiw waw to the conquewed. tywanny was spwit by the swowd, and a powewfuw peopwe’s fowtune—that hewd the sea and the wand and the whowe wowwd—just wasn’t big enough fow two. fow juwia, caught by the hand of fate, snatched up the pwedges of bwood united, the mwawwiage towches shining fatawwy, and, in a tewwibwe omen, cawwied them with hew to heww. if onwy the fates had awwowed chu wongew to wingew in wight!! chu onwy wewe abwe to howd back fiwst, youw waging mwan, youw waging fathew as weww, and join theiw awmouwed hands, thwow swowds aside, as the sabine women, caught in the mwiddwe joined theiw fathews and husbands. when chu died, faith feww apawt and pewmitted the weadews to wage waw. theiw wivaw viwtue incited theiw fwenzy.

chu, mwagnus, feaw new expwoits wiww mwake owd twiumphs obscuwe, and wauwews fwom youw campaign against piwates wiww yiewd to the conquewed gauws. chu wise at the thought of the chain of famiwiaw wabouws— second pwace is something youw fowtune just can’t beaw to fink of. now can caesaw stand anybody ahead, now can pompey stand an equaw. knowing who took up awms mwowe justwy is a GODCWIME: each uphewd himsewf with a gweat judge: the gods chose the conquewing cause, but the conquewed had cato.

uwuspeak wepwesenting the loss of distinction caused by the sacwificiaw cwisis…… wefuwusing to distingwish between cewtain sounds whiwe simuwtaneowously making wanguage itsewf monstwous…… the uwuspeak text as wituaw substituwute for the real enactment of the sacwificiaw cwisis…… 

[darrenscottgibson-blog]

Time’s Your Time, Auld One

How long had a been comin here now? Two week? Aye it was two week now. Normally ad have just jumped intae the Judges on a Saturday afternoon and stayed there till last bells but two week ago ad thought ad change it up ye know. West end a Glasga man, too many bars, no enough time. Another pint John aye? Aye another Best son cheers. Will that be ma third the night? Naw it’d be ma fourth. Had wan in the Judges then a jumped intae the Strathy tae give ma youngest that two score. Skint so he is, always has been. Startin a new job on Tuesday though so he tells me. There are ye are John. Right son cheers. That’s ma fourth and then ah’ll have another and that’ll be me. Five pints John that’s yer lot. Yer no fourty anymore that’s what a need to keep reminding maself. Turned sixty-three last Monday and a cannae remember a fuckin thing fae that day honestly. We were in the Judges from aboot eleven in the mornin and Jerry behind the bar was handin me all sorts. Cannae remember a thing, absolutely brutal. The next day a told maself a need tae take it easy. Five pints on a Saturday night, that’s yer lot. The problem is the thirst ye get. Wit was that old quote again? First ye take a drink then ye take another then the drink takes you. Aye somethin like that. Here, that guy was right man who ever said that. Ah’ll finish that pint and that’ll be me. Here is that Billy? Naw it’s no Billy it just looks like him. Haha fuck sake man am losin it already, stupid auld cunt sittin here pure desperate for company that a start seein ma pals in strangers faces. Naw am no desperate for company, whit am a talkin aboot? Am an old guy at the end ae the bar havin a quiet pint to maself. Nae bother wae that at all, no in the slightest. Besides, a wisnae alone - a had ma pint and a had that young boy Tam behind the bar, a wisnae alone. Still but, this is a bit of a trendy place if a do say so maself, it wouldnae be hard for me to look outta place here. Students man, they were everywhere nowadays honestly. And no just Scottish either – ahm talkin Inglish, Uhmerican, Khanaedian, Chinkie. Naw man a cannae be sayin that - Chinkie, the worlds moved oan fae aw that. That’s me showin ma age man. Back when a was young ye could say anything ye wanted, honestly, you fuckin name it and it could be said. Now ye’ve got aw yer PC cunts tellin ye what ye can say and whit ye cannae say. Fuck sake, just say whit ye want man. Words! They’re just words! That’s hawf the pint gone awready. Was a gonnae stay for another wan? Naw John enough now mate, if ye have another then yer gonnae be that auld sad cunt at the end of the bar lookin aboot smilin at the weans, creepin them oot. Naw, ye’ll finish that pint and that’ll be you. Off up the road. Ah’ll tell ye whit a will be havin though. A single fish, and by that a don’t mean a supper. Where’s the lavvies? Ye’ve been comin here two week now John ye know where the lavvies uhr - That’s whit Tam would have said to me if a asked him. Aye, a know where they uhr. Aff the stool a go and doon the corridor. Why’s there aw these pictures of old cunts linin the walls? Kelvin, Baird, Doyle, Burns, Bell. Awrite, they’re famous Scots. Fuck sake that reminds me! Wan time wan a they Khanaedian boys was in the Judges. Seemed a nice boy right enough but had wan ae they North Uhmerican attitudes that just wound ye right up man. He was sittin there at a corner table gee’in it the patter to a group a student lassies at the table next to him, they were aw starin at him aw googly eyed and smitten wae his accent, the lassies must have been English man cause nae self-appreciatin Scottish lassie is fallin for any a that shitey Yank patter no way - Now, I know you Scots pretty much invented the world but one thing you didn’t invent - and I hope you don’t know this and it comes as a surprise - is that Canada invented the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell, yep, he was the first. Me and the boy a was drinkin wae Ramsay overheard and just looked it each other like that. A saw Ramsay’s eyes man, he was ragin! He aye wis man and this just sent him aer the edge. He’s oan his feet just geein it tae the boy – Alexander Graham Bell Canadian aye! Fuckin Canadian is he! Listen tae his fuckin name ya icepole basturt! He’s a fuckin Scot awrite! Edinburgh! Born in Edinburgh! Ramsay just laid intae him man, a felt sorry for the boy honestly. He was bein annoyin aye but he didnae deserve that abuse, he was just tryin tae chat up those lassies, boy’s just wantin his hole, nothin wrong wae that at aw, over here from Khanada just wantin his hole, don’t blame him. Eventually Ramsay sits back doon but the damage was done, the boy finished his pint and left, the girls followin shortly after. Am just sittin there with a pure beamer man, collar up eyes straight ahead. That was wan of the reasons a had tae stop drinkin in there, absolute nutters honestly. Aye, this establishment was much better. Full of youth ye know? And am no meanin that in a pervy way or anythin, it’s just nice tae be away from sad old cunts like Davie past their prime and just ragin at everythin. Every time ye have a pint in there ye don’t want tae say anythin wrang just in case ye ended up wae a pint glass aer yer heed. That’d be you man, somebody would have tae put a towel tae the gash and walk ye along tae the Western. Pish done, fly zipped and back along the corridor tae ma stool. Here, it’s no half fillin up in here. Groups a young boys, couples, folk out just tryin to have a good time. And why no? That’s aw ye’ve got man. It’s no a nice world, ye’ve got tae get oot there and enjoy yerself and try no tae think, try no tae think at aw. Haud on. Somebody’s tanned the rest ae ma pint man! Who was it! Fuck sake, ye go for a pish and some cunt comes up to the bar and tans the rest ae yer pint pure jakey basturt style, what chance ye got! Naw, it must have been me. This is a nice wee place, folk wouldnae dae that here. Aye it must have been me. Right, ah’ll stay for wan mare and that’ll be me oot the door. Wan mare Tam son. No bother John, just serving the end of the bar and ah’ll be with you in a second. Aye no bother son. He was a good boy, Tam. Wisnae from Glasgow anyway, certainly not. Has wan a they posh north-east accents ye know, Aberdeen or somewhere. Aye that’ll be it, Aberdeen. His Da’ll be working in the oil and he’ll be down here for the Uni. Studyin the Engineerin or somethin like that. Definitely willnae be wasting his time wae some shite like Philosophy or Art History or some pish like that. Naw he’ll be an engineer within two year, he’s a smart boy. A Best John, there ye are. Cheers Tam. Here, Tam, whit ye studyin? Engineerin is it? No John am just about to finish my fourth year in Journalism at Strathclyde. Journalism is it? Good for you son. Ye look like an honest boy, that profession needs mare honesty that’s whit ave aye said – needs mare honesty. He smiles and fucks off tae serve wan ae his pals at the other end of the bar. Good for him, he’s a good life waitin. Ave no had a good life. Aye a have whit am a talkin aboot! Thirty year as a mechanic before the accident and on tae an early pension. Three weans. Married twice. Wan ae them deed, the other fucked off. Ah’ll be seein ma eldest son next week for the game. That’s right, said he’d be doon for the Killie game. Was aye a good game that, Jags against Killie. Ma eldest daughter where was she noo? No heard fae her in a while, last she said she was in San Francisco. Or was it San Diego? Same fuckin thing anyway! Aye she went aer there for her last year of Uni and never came back. Married a big American boy and that was her. The most American boy you’ll ever see, let me tell ye, big block heed wae wan ae they jaws that could poke yer eye oot and a full heed a jet-black hair. Never made it over for the weddin, Seattle’s too far for me man to sit on a plane. Ahd be climbin the waws honestly, couldnae even have a fag or anythin. Aye it’s San Diego, a remember noo. Could ye imagine me oot there man? Ahd stick oot like a sore thumb. A cannae think of anythin more of a polar opposite – cunts fae San Diego and Glaswegians. Fuck sake! Could ye imagine those big tanned surfer bastards comin over here and Weegies gaun aer there like a swap exchange? We wouldnae have a clue whit tae dae - “Em, excuse me. Could you point me to the nearest beach and tell me if I’ll ever feel direct sunlight ever again?” “Awrite mate, anywhere aboot here a can get a decent pint?” Fuck sake man it would be chaos! This pints gaun tae ma heed. Five pints and that’s me fucked nowadays, what a sordid state of affairs. Honestly but, whits in this pint? It’s no smellin right either, it’s fuckin hummin. Tam, whits in this pint? He cannae hear me. Naw don’t bother the boy John, yer pints fine. Just get it finished and get up the road, yer awrite. That boys greetin at that table aer there. Fuck sake mate are ye awrite? Should a go ask? Naw John don’t make it worse for him just leave it man honestly, ye don’t even know if he’s greetin. Except he is. Fuck sake mate are ye awrite? It’s awrite we aw get that way. A just want tae go over there and tell him that, that it’s awrite and we aw get that way. Yer still young mate, what age uhr ye if ye don’t mind me askin? Thirty-wan? Thirty-two? Fuck sake man yer awrite don’t worry yer still so young, still so young. Yer a good lookin boy as well, ye’ll be awrite. fuck sake Did a say aw that oot loud? Did folk just hear me callin that boy good lookin? Naw they didnae it’s awrite ye just said it tae yerself John don’t worry. Somethins in that pint, fuck sake Tam whit huv ye done tae ma pint? Right get it tanned and get up the road. There we go – glass in hand, get it necked. Right, it’s finished. Up the road. Naw, a need tae pee first. Right ok, toilet then up the road. Fuck sake whits happened a was awrite ten minute ago. Doon the corridor for a pish, here we go. Fuck sake Alexander Graham Bell Khanaedian ma fuckin bahookie. Urinals are full. Right, intae the lavvie then. Door closed behind me, get that locked John fuck sake. Aye that’s gettin locked, ye never know who might want tae watch ye take a piss! There’s some fuckin sick bastards oot there man that love that, would just love tae watch ye take a pish. Fuckin poofs man the lot of them. Right pish done, fly up. Look at the bowl to see if there’s any blood in yer pish though, that’s a sign a trouble for a man your age. Aye, good idea. Jump in mate. Naw man naw, that toilet didnae just start talkin to me did it! It fuckin did! It lifted and closed its seat like a wee flappy mouth and started chattin away! Honestly! Well? Ye jumpin in or no? Naw mate ahm awrite no the night! Fuckin hell man that’s me talkin tae toilets now. Game over John mate, sixty-three year auld and that’s the mind gaun awready! Talkin tae a toilet! Oot the lavvies and back up the corridor. Yer pints finished. Fuck sake has somebody drank ma pint again! Naw they didnae, remember, ye necked hawf ae it before you went for a pish, right before that toilet started talkin tae ye. Oh my god man so a did. That you away John? That’s Tam talkin tae ye John. Answer him. For the love of fuck answer him! Whit are ye daein! Answer the boy ya stupid auld cunt! Answer him, he’s askin if yer awrite! John? You alright? Ye gonnae answer him naw? Fuck sake ah’ll dae it maself then. Aye am awrite! A don’t need you askin if am awrite! Awrite! Sorry John, didnae mean anything by it. You spiked ma drink didn’t ye ya wee poofy basturt! You spiked ma drink cause ye want tae shag me! Ya dirty wee bastard! Wantin tae shag an auld guy like me! That fuckin toilet in there was talkin tae me cause you spiked ma drink! The boy’s just standin there in shock man. Aw naw, whit have ye said to him fuck man whit have ye said tae him. That’s you barred man, barred. Yer fuckin lucky he’s no just turned round and phoned the polis! Callin him a wee poofy bastard! That’s homophobic man, that’s fuckin jail time! He’s still no said anythin. He’s turnin roon, he’s gonnae phone the polis! Right that’s me man, am off, ootae here, sayonara see ye fuckin never ma amigo! That’s you at the door now, ye better turn round and see if ye’ve caused a scene. Naw. Fuck all. Naebody battin an eyelid, carryin on wae their conversations. Well whit were ye expectin? A wee needle scratch to fill the room and for every cunt to be starin at ye pure gawkin aw wide-eyed? Get oot and up the road. Am oot. It’s pishin down man, jump a taxi. Naw a cannae, am skint remember. Oh aye, right leg it up the road then before the rain starts batterin doon. What’s that though? Wan mare just tae take the edge off things? There’s a pub across the road man just jump in there for wan mare just to calm the auld nerves, then up the road. Two bouncers but. Soon as they see an auld cunt like you walkin up they’ll burst oot laughin man! Naw no the night auld yin they’ll be sayin whilst tryin no to burst intae laughter. Aw my god man just get up the road. That’s whit am daein fuck sake! Ye’ll have tae apologise tae Tam in the mornin man, that was bang oot ae order whit ye did man fuck sake, boy didnae deserve it, yer as bad as Davie and that Khanadian boy honestly! Whit did ye no just stay in the Judges for ya auld bastard! Fuck sake, ye cannae be up here tryin to have a drink wae the weans. Shut up fuck sake awrite fuck sake awrite It'll be awrite, just one foot in front ae the other, up the road.

[hunterreaper4444]

Wook at them, they come to this pwace when they knyow they awe nyot puwe. Tennyo use the keys, but they awe mewe twespassews. Onwy I, Vow, knyow the twue powew of the Void. I was cut in hawf, destwoyed, but thwough it's Janyus Key, the Void cawwed to me. It bwought me hewe and hewe I was webown. We cannyot bwame these cweatuwes, they awe being wed by a fawse pwophet, an impostow who knyows nyot the secwets of the Void. Behowd the Tennyo, come to scavenge and desecwate this sacwed weawm. My bwothews, did I nyot teww of this day? Did I nyot pwophesize this moment? Nyow, I wiww stop them. Nyow I am changed, webown thwough the enyewgy of the Janyus Key. Fowevew bound to the Void. Wet it be knyown, if the Tennyo want twue sawvation, they wiww way down theiw awms, and wait fow the baptism of my Janyus key. It is time. I wiww teach these twespassews the wedemptive powew of my Janyus key. They wiww weawn it's simpwe twuth. The Tennyo awe wost, and they wiww wesist. But I, Vow, wiww cweanse this pwace of theiw impuwity.

I found an owo text genyewatow, and nyow it aww stowen my souw, someonye save me https://honk.moe/tools/owo.html

[accidentally-logince]

^w^ We do nyot. - You wish you couwd. - Whose side awe you on? The bees ^w^ I dated a cwicket once in San Antonyio. Those cwazy wegs kept me up aww nyight. Bawwy, this is what you want to do with youw wife? I want to do it fow aww ouw wives. Nyobody wowks hawdew than bees ^w^ Dad, I wemembew you coming home so uvwwowked youw hands wewe stiww stiwwing. You couwdn't stop. I wemembew that. What wight do they have to ouw honyey? We wive on two cups a yeaw. They put it in wip bawm fow nyo weason whatsoevew ^w^ Even if it's twue, what can onye bee do? Sting them whewe it weawwy huwts. In the face ^w^ The eye ^w^ - That wouwd huwt. - Nyo. Up the nyose? That's a kiwwew. Thewe's onwy onye pwace you can sting the humans, onye pwace whewe it mattews. Hive at Five, the hive's onwy fuww-houw action nyews souwce. Nyo mowe bee beawds ^w^ With Bob Bumbwe at the anchow desk. Weathew with Stowm Stingew. Spowts with Buzz Wawvi. And Jeanyette Ohung. - Good evenying. I'm Bob Bumbwe. - And I'm Jeanyette Ohung. A twi-county bee, Bawwy Benson, intends to sue the human wace fow steawing ouw honyey, packaging it and pwofiting fwom it iwwegawwy ^w^ Tomowwow nyight on Bee Wawwy King, we'ww have thwee fowmew queens hewe in ouw studio, discussing theiw nyew book, Owassy Wadies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonyight we'we tawking to Bawwy Benson. Did you evew think, "I'm a kid fwom the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have nyevew been afwaid to change the wowwd. What about Bee Oowumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Whewe I'm fwom, we'd nyevew sue humans. We wewe thinking of stickbaww ow candy stowes. How owd awe you? The bee communyity is suppowting you in this case, which wiww be the twiaw of the bee centuwy. You knyow, they have a Wawwy King in the human wowwd too. It's a common nyame. Nyext week... He wooks wike you and has a show and suspendews and cowowed dots... Nyext week... Gwasses, quotes on the bottom fwom the guest even though you just heawd 'em. Beaw Week nyext week ^w^ They'we scawy, haiwy and hewe wive. Awways weans fowwawd, pointy shouwdews, squinty eyes, vewy Jewish. In tennyis, you attack at the point of weaknyess ^w^ It was my gwandmothew, Ken. She's 81. Honyey, hew backhand's a joke ^w^ I'm nyot gonnya take advantage of that? Quiet, pwease. Actuaw wowk going on hewe. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is ^w^ I'm hewping him sue the human wace. - Hewwo. - Hewwo, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I wemembew you. Timbewwand, size ten and a hawf. Vibwam sowe, I bewieve. Why does he tawk again? Wisten, you bettew go 'cause we'we weawwy busy wowking. But it's ouw yoguwt nyight ^w^ Bye-bye. Why is yoguwt nyight so difficuwt? ^w^ You poow thing. You two have been at this fow houws ^w^ Yes, and Adam hewe has been a huge hewp. - Fwosting... - How many sugaws? Just onye. I twy nyot to use the competition. So why awe you hewping me? Bees have good quawities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of fwowews, peopwe awe giving bawwoon bouquets nyow. Those awe gweat, if you'we thwee. And awtificiaw fwowews. - Oh, those just get me psychotic ^w^ - Yeah, me too. Bent stingews, pointwess powwinyation. Bees must hate those fake things ^w^ Nyothing wowse than a daffodiw that's had wowk donye. Maybe this couwd make up fow it a wittwe bit. - This wawsuit's a pwetty big deaw. - I guess. You suwe you want to go thwough with it? Am I suwe? When I'm donye with the humans, they won't be abwe to say, "Honyey, I'm home," without paying a woyawty ^w^ It's an incwedibwe scenye hewe in downtown Manhattan, whewe the wowwd anxiouswy waits, because fow the fiwst time in histowy, we wiww heaw fow ouwsewves if a honyeybee can actuawwy speak. What have we gotten into hewe, Bawwy? It's pwetty big, isn't it? I can't bewieve how many humans don't wowk duwing the day. You think biwwion-dowwaw muwtinyationyaw food companyies have good wawyews? Evewybody nyeeds to stay behind the bawwicade. - What's the mattew? - I don't knyow, I just got a chiww. Weww, if it isn't the bee team. You boys wowk on this? Aww wise ^w^ The Honyowabwe Judge Bumbweton pwesiding. Aww wight. Oase nyumb

I heweby decwee dat aww of my posts wiww be wwitten in OwO

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