#having the 'most right' opinion about what you think is wrong doesnt make you better than anyone else i just feel bad for you

[roguelemon]

What if i told you it's possible to enjoy something that isn't perfectly written. What about that.

I'm going to keep having my own opinions about where the writers dropped the ball and where they absolutely nailed it.

I'm also going to keep enjoying the media, it doesn't need to be perfect for it to make me happy and if all you do in fandom is criticise the writers maybe consider that just, not interacting with the show would make you happier? I'm not saying it's wrong to give feedback about a show, but if you don't like ANYTHING about it? If ALL of your posts come across as you being mad about it? If you're just pissing yourself off everytime you post/ think about it? You don't enjoy that media, leave it alone. Get offline and do something that makes you happy.

[nagitoedit]

.

[youaremysunshine-court]

I'm still so fucking angry and it's been like an hour.

[cringefail-clown]

Jakehal is very fun. But why dirkkri? I dont understand what's appealing about it :? confused

theres a lot of things i like about dirkri and honestly i dont even know where to start lmfao

first of all, and its mostly a funny reason - davekat on crack. like some traces of davekat are still there - the arguing about shit, stoic facade vs emotional mess, all the good stuff, but its also so much more exaggerated it makes it this much more ridiculous. gets even better when you consider them under the lense of swap aus like alphaswitch or tbau, where they land on the meteor together. theyre most likely hunting each other for sports by the year two

second of all, the funney. theyd be so fucking funny together. their smallest arguments would take like twenty pages of non-stop flow of red-orange text to resolve, and not because they came to a consensus but because some third party physically dragged them away from their electronics. it doesnt do any good, since it only gives them both time to think over new arguments to use, and theyre back at it as soon as they get their phones back. like if we had a tournament about which ship would do the most collateral damage to the overall group, i think these two would be Up There. karkat would gauge his eyes out from frustration, because now not only does he have to deal with his piece of shit, know-it-all other self, but now theres also Fucking Dirk thrown into the mix. their home life is absolute insanity, a small jab about the other forgetting to buy sugar once again devolves into a screaming match about the merits and flaws of communism or some other inane shit. and theyre doing it for fun, they enjoy debating with each other, because often times they have vastly different opinions, and comparing their beliefs challenges them intelectually and morally. from the outside perspective theyre one of the most dysfunctional pair in the paradox space, when in fact thats simply how they want their relationship to be, and it makes them better people overall.

third reason is that theyre thematically delicious. dirk is a control freak, micromanaging his and his friends constantly. hes terrified of losing control, but hes also desperate for someone to just tell him what the fuck he should do. dirk doesnt think he should be in control of others, because he believes hes a naturally evil person capable of horrible acts, at the same time he doesnt trust anyone else to get things done but himself. hes a whole collection of contradictions.

kankri desperately needs to be in control as well. hes constantly injecting himself into conversations he has no business being in, trying to find someone thatd listen to what he has to say. hes wants to guide others, but his efforts are flawed, because he doesnt listen to other perspectives - hes got tunnel vision, as he thinks hes the one in the right while everyone else is wrong or ignorant (cringefail seer literally). he doesnt trust anyone else to make decisions for him, and becomes defensive when he thinks others are attempting to coddle him. his ass was definitely culled on beforus.

theyre also both so fucking lonely. dirk conciously tries to put difference between himself and his friends, worrying hell "corrupt" them. kankri tries to connect to his friends, but his behavior alienates him from them to the point of no one except maybe porrim want to have anything to do with him.

my point is, kankri wants to guide people but has to learn to listen to others and reflect on his own flawed opinions. dirk has to learn to trust that people closest to him can get shit done on their own and loosen up, as well as realise hes not evil at the core. them helping each other out - dirk teaching kankri about different perspectives, kankri teaching dirk about letting others do their thing - is something i think about a lot.

also i like to think theyd spar for fun a lot as well. its not really a reason and wholly my own personal headcanon but i wanna mention it as well bc its so funny to me. i like the idea of kankris behaviour being a complete reverse of karkat - where karkat is all bark no bite and doesnt like fighting or violence, kankri puts up a front of the beacon of love and peace and tolerance, but in his free time he gets his rifle and goes shooting at the fucking squirrels or some shit. i think he wouldnt have the same qualms about strifing as karkat. like dirk would try to jokingly jab his finger at kankris side and he would just fucking flip him over his shoulder and onto the table breaking it in half, because he doesnt like being touched unexpectedly and by gods dirk when will you fucking learn. he goes from 0 to 100 real fast. its such a hysterical concept for me.

[ganondoodle]

this isnt a call out for anyone; i keep getting asked why i even post my opinions on the internet if i dont want to argue whenever i mention how tired i am of people trying to argue with me or proof me wrong

and i just ... for one its bc there are people that have told me they like hearing my opinions bc it makes them feel less alone, its validating to hear that i am not alone and i make them feel less alone (this is a big reason)

then theres the thing .. do you feel good never saying your opinion on anything and just keeping everything to yourself? be it big or small, i tried to do that for years, just trying to crawl deeper and deeper into a hole bc clearly i am the problem and should be able to deal with everything on my own, never say anything, i could be annoying, i could be a burden, and it nearly killed me; i have very few friends and i already spam them enough to feel constantly guilty

and if i did that on some private account ... what use is that, thats the same thing as not saying anything, whats the use of saying anything when no one listens, even to select few, whats the point if others cant find it, there might be people i dont know at all that would find solace in hearing my stupid ramblings about games

its true i lack self control and just tend to talk about stuff when i feel the need of talking, but is that really so bad?

correct me if im wrong but i was never of the impression that posting something on the internet automatically means wanting to debate and argue unless you specifically say or initiate it on someone elses post? like thats why i pretty much always make my own post to complain and dont go on other peoples posts of opposing views, id view the latter as an invitation to argue moreso than the former

when i post some stupid opinion (im talking about harmless personal video game opinions mind you) on my own account who am i bothering, if people agree thats great! if they dont they can just move on- i know people love to discuss and share different opinions but the the ones i most often encounter are ones where its a basically trying to start a fight over whos more right (like theres always one correct opinion to have) or just telling me i am not allowed to feel like i feel-

im aware i cant expect everyone to be able to see a differeing opinion and move on without saying anything, but when i say something, unless its specifically a question, i just do it to vent, to let my thoughts out so they dont slowly gnaw at me, maybe find validation in others also thinking like that (i know i cant also expect everyone to think that way .. i just see it as a form of politeness? sorta?); in all honesty, i dont do it to get told opposing opinions (i know thats maybe a little ... idk, selfish i guess?) bc i usually have seen or heard those already and am saying mine bc i havent seen it before or very very little- what i think is often very much not the majority so the need to say something gets greater the more i see somethign i dont agree with, like an urge to balance it? a call to see if i am alone or not? and much less so to argue or debate over something like that, im tired and exhausted at all times, and have often trouble even getting myself to draw, i dont enjoy fights of any kind, and especialyl so when its about something so completely ignorable like a game opinion i only said bc i wanted it out of my head and bc i have seen that the majority seems to be of a different one

like a sticky note on a wall, not an invitation to a political meeting?

maybe this is something i need to work on and get better at, i havent found a way that lets me get rid of my thoughts in a way that doesnt leave me feeling guilty (like spamming my friends) or to gnaw at me (not saying anything, or somewhere no ones gonna hear it)

i know im incapable of shutting up ever (though at least i got a better control over my emotions by now) and i risk accidentally seeming like im inviting people to a fight but i dont know what else to do

maybe its something i horribly missunderstood about the internet, but its my only outlet for that, i dont have anyone IRL to talk to about my interests, maybe its a flaw that needs work, maybe its just a flaw, i dont know :/

[anothergameofwickedgrace]

I wanted to share thoughts and analysis on Full Moon (the last scene, at least).

I'll start with saying at the end of the day, I'm gonna be partial to Stolas in this since Blitzø hurt him pretty bad, but I will defend them both. Because the situation is complicated, and Blitzø is also hurting.

Blitzø obviously did and said extremely hurtful things, but I want to break down his actions since he's the one who's not upfront with how he feels.

(Please no discourse on my post. I'm just sharing my personal opinions and interpretation.)

I'll start at when Stolas asked for the grimoire back.

Blitzø is confused and unhappy about the situation. He's clearly uneasy with how Stolas is acting. Understandable. However, he doesn't exactly handle the situation in the best way.

The first thing he does is question if it's because he's skipped the past few nights. The tone he uses feels kind of manipulative (a trait he does possess), especially how he talks about being busy (which assuredly isn't the full truth even if true. With some of the stuff he says earlier in the episode, I'm pretty sure he's been avoiding having to talk to him. He seems to feel like there's maybe something wrong, and doesn't want to face it or make things more complicated).

Blitzø is scared to lose the book, obviously, but I think it becomes pretty clear that it's not the book that is his main worry, but Stolas. Sure, it's a big part of the initial panic but I feel like his reaction would've been more angry than scared and worried if that was the main thing.

The second thing he does after Stolas tells him to hand it back is offer to fuck him. Telling him how good it'll be. How he doesn't disappoint. Because that's how he deals with this stuff. Seduction to get what he wants (like he did the night he stole the book). Because he thinks that's what Stolas wants. Because if he fucks him real good, then Stolas will still want him here. But Stolas makes it clear that sex isn't want he's after.

Once Blitzø has the stone, that scared and upset feeling goes away. He's genuinely happy and thankful that Stolas did such a kind and considerate thing. At least for a moment.

When Stolas tells him that they are no longer bound to an agreement, he starts to panic. He's worried that he's not good enough. He's scared that Stolas is done with him. He says he can do better. You can hear the desperation in his voice.

Stolas assures him that he's not doing anything wrong and thats not why he was doing this. That he was doing it because wanted him to be able to make his own choice to stay. To make it right and fair. Because he cares so deeply for him.

I'm very happy at how upfront he was about it all. He told him he was under no obligation to stay, and you can see the fear in Blitzø's eyes when he says this. He thinks Stolas doesnt want him around anymore. But Stolas almost immediately clarified that he still wanted him to stay.

And you can see it on Blitzø's face how much Stolas's words do mean. You can see it's something he wants to hear, his expression goes so soft. He so desperately wants it to be true but absolutely refuses to believe that it is.

So he turns it back to what he's comfortable with. The thing he admittedly focuses on when he feels like he's getting in his own head. Sex.

Obviously Stolas must be trying to roleplay, because how could he have feelings like that toward him? That must be it. He's so in denial of the reality of it, he will not allow himself to see it.

Until it hurts Stolas. Until Stolas makes it very clear that he was being serious and honest.

What Blitzø did is awful and hurtful. It seems almost mocking knowing that what he's 'roleplaying' is real to Stolas. The "I love you" is especially devastating. He most definitely was not trying to hurt Stolas here. You can see on his face that he's unsure in what he's doing when he starts to talk. And when Stolas stops him, you can see the disappointment and sadness as realized he did the wrong thing.

But he was convincing himself that what Stolas said wasn't true. Because any thought otherwise seems impossible to him.

He's wrong, though. And I completely understand why Stolas kind of just shut down here. That's like a knife to the heart.

And Stolas explains why. Explains that even though he's wanted him for so long, for Blitzø to only see sex in what he says and does was pretty telling to how he viewed their relationship. And that crushed him.

The moment Blitzø realizes that he was serious, his whole view shifts. He gets upset. Very upset.

The one thing I will wholeheartedly stand by Blitzø saying is when he asks if he could give him a fucking minute (Now I disagree with what follows, but I'll get back to that.). Stolas did drop kind of a big thing on him, something that shattered everything he had told himself. And then walked away, which isn't exactly fair.

Again, I don't fault Stolas for walking off, not wanting to hear more, saying he had his answer. Blitzø was unintentionally hurtful, and he's upset and devastated. But at the same time, he really didn't give Blitzø any time to process what was happening and what he was telling him.

He probably didn't think he needed to because interpreting what Blitzø did at face value would be exactly how he interpreted it. And he's not fully wrong that Blitzø sees things as sexual. He purposely sees them that way. But what happened shouldn't be taken at face value. Though Stolas had no way of knowing that.

Now back to what follows that. He says some pretty shit things to Stolas. He's upset and lashes out at him.

The things he says aren't fair nor are they correct. He's projecting his issues with royals in general onto Stolas. He has a dislike for nobility, one that stems from feeling like they step on the little people and don't care about how their 'lessers' feel. That they don't give a shit about imps like himself. The image he's built of Stolas is completely warped by his view on royalty. Fizz has even called him out on it ("It sounds like you just hate him for being a prince").

One of the things that stood out was his line about how he can't treat him like one of his imp butlers and just dismiss him away. He feels like Stolas is throwing him away. Stolas is very clearly leaving because he's hurt, but Blitzø takes it as a kind of rejection. (Like at Ozzie's, he can't see clearly what's going on.)

As I mentioned before, I think the main fault Stolas's has in this situation is not giving Blitzø any time to process and understand everything that was currently happening. He shouldn't have sent him away. He should've at least listened to what Blitzø was trying to say. Tried to understand what he might be feeling.

Because Blitzø was trying to apologize. Once he saw how much his words affected Stolas, saw him crying because of the things he did and said, he realized he fucked up. And honestly, he needed to see that. He needed to know that his actions and words can and do hurt Stolas.

But I don't blame Stolas for teleporting him away, even though I think he was wrong in doing so. Blitzø basically twisted the knife that had already pierced his heart. It broke him. Hearing how lowly Blitzø (incorrectly and through his own convincing of himself) thought of him shattered him. Because how could a relationship be any kind of possible if the other person thinks you're shitty and awful? And to hear that from someone you respect and care so deeply for is so incredibly heartbreaking.

It's why I'm on Stolas's side (not that there even needs to be sides). He was trying to do the right thing. He was being kind and caring. He didn't really do anything wrong, but still got so deeply hurt.

But I can't really blame Blitzø, even though I think he's in the wrong here. Even though he caused a lot of pain to someone who only wanted good for them both. He's hurting too. He's a very broken person with a lot of issues he hasn't worked through. His actions and words were awful and mean. But he's struggling. This isn't an easy situation for him. He couldn't even comprehend someone loving him because he hates himself so much.

It's why he lied to himself about Stolas. Because how can that be true? And because you can't get hurt if you don't actually get close to someone. If you pretend that it's nothing and doesn't matter, it can't hurt you when it inevitably falls apart.

But they aren't true, the things he's been telling himself. And that sends him reeling. The realization comes crashing down, and feelings just come pouring out.

The situation is messy and complicated. And I feel for them both.

[velvetvexations]

anon really went Ah a trans woman who isnt skinny or hairless or feminine and doesnt want to be (thing that can also be true for cis women) clearly this must be a man. anyway (horny voice) wow you are a foot taller than me

I sure am~!

I don't know if it's your blog aesthetics or your kinks or your outspoken opinions on trans rights that gets me the most but i have a huge crush on you for all of the above

I'm a gift.

The way some of the trfs you reblog talk about "tmes" just sounds so much like the way a lot of incels I've seen talk about women, and it still makes me double take sometimes. I don't have an eloquent explanation of how exactly, but the vibe is just so similar to what I saw as an edgy teen on 4chan and it's so weird to see in places that claim to be "progressive"

lotta resentment

MALL ANON HAS A TUMBLR NOW??? we got side-characters fuck yes

an ever expanding cast

came for the trf takedowns and stayed for the neato aesthetic posts hope youre havin a lovely day miss velvet

thank you!

I’m so sick of people on this website taking every opportunity they get to accuse trans men who are just talking about their oppression of being 1. A violent misogynist 2. Not even trans 3. A straight up rapist or abuser. I’m actually so exhausted.

I know anon, and I'm so, so sorry. It's tiring. Take breaks as often as you can.

TRFs saying they need to post discourse and be rancid shit because theyre doing it for "the transfems who cant" (ex, trans women of color & sex workers) sounds INCREDIBLY similar to TERFs saying they need to Post Discourse and Be Rancid because "women in third world countries cant"

it sure is

Maybe i just misread it wrong but why was that one anon implying its bad for transmen to make “trans ppl should be having crazy t4t sex?” Jokes. Is there anything actually wrong about that joke?

I think you mean person I reblogged? They were saying it was sexual harassment lmao.

I feel like a lot of confusion about terfs and radfeminism is simply because a ton of self identified terfs arent radfems but are ppl whos politics abt men arent as intense (like dog standard gender essentialism) but for a lack of a better term coopt the terf concepts around transphobia.

That's certainly true, the term is becoming rapidly diluted not just from people who call all transphobes TERFs but all transphobes calling themselves TERFs. We're still not to where radical feminism is not at the core of it, though.

Some very weird trans people in the dropout tag are complaining about how dungeons and drag queens "makes them uncomfortable" PLEASE explain to me how this is literally any different from conservatives whose reaction to drag is "icky!!! Gross!" Like??? Do they think its progressive to shit on drag queens? Do they think this is ok because they happen to be trans? They sound like Republicans!

well see transfems who do drag aren't real transfems because something something

thoughts on this applying to transfem TRFs?

Blocked so I have no clue what this says.

Re: wounded gazelle. I don't even think it's always that and on purpose. Sometimes it very very blatantly IS. But other times people feel (understandably!) hurt by the backlash they are receiving and instead of thinking "This feels shitty... but could I possibly be in the wrong?" they think "I'm being attacked! This means I am a victim and therefore correct!" genuinely and through lack of self awareness rather than planned malice. Not always easy to tell the difference though!

They are very stupid and egotistical, that is true yes.

[2n2n]

hi!! i have two questions, i apologize in advance that theyre about mitsuba and kou, but theyre also about the yugi twins, so i hope u can forgive me...

first!! i see a lot of ppl complaing/being sad that hanako and kou dont really have any moments interacting together anymore, posting screenshots, mourning their lost early series friendship ... and i dont really get it? to me, hanako never really liked kou, he was more "playing pretend" to appease nene, he doesnt seem to value him as a friend... theres the "kid"(<deragatory) he does, to emphasize that he is the Older, Experienced Guy in this relationship and kou doesnt have anything of value to add... but then again, ive never really sat down to reread everything in one go, so i might be missing something... do you have anything to say on hanako and kous relationship and how/why it developed?

second question!! i noticed that mitsuba and kou both have a favorite twin who they are friends with and a twin who they think is an evil, violent, perverted psychopath, and those twins are swapped between them lol

so i wanted to ask, do you have any thoughts/opinions on mitsubas and kous outsider perspective on the yugi twins? who has what aspects of them right/wrong? could a fight over who the better yugi twin is cause a rift large enough to stop their budding romance?(<hyperbole)

im sorry if this got really long, and these are less concrete questions and more me pondering things and then presenting my half-baked thoughts to you for examination, but i always really enjoy your interpretations of anything tbhk so i thought id do it anyways >.<

Ohhh its fine haha, there are no characters I truly hate (I JUST JOKE...) & I like talking about everything in the manga, as everything has some sort of place in the themes or story! And I do care about all relationships from character to character, even if I might find that character annoying on a personal level HAHA. I like the entire 'voice' of JSHK!!! It's all a part of the beautiful web c:

I would say, Yes, I agree 100%! I've talked about it before myself. I don't see Hanako and Kou as best friends, and I'm not sure what incredible moments of pure friendship people are remembering (probably mostly... ch9?). Hanako both creates distance by using 'kid' (indeed making Kou always out to be more ignorant or childish than him…) and even Kou creates a distance by using only 'Hanako' (no honorifics-- Kou is actually generally quite deferential and polite to people he respects like Nene-chan or Akane.... he is a 'good boy'! When he meets Hanako, of course he thinks he is a monster, so he doesn't use honorifics… but he also doesn't correct this, later. While dropping honorifics can also be a sign of intimacy, that only counts if the other person has given you some kind of permission, or after knowing someone a long time … Hanako never uses honorifics for others himself, because he sees himself as above everyone, and wants to impress distance … and I'm sure because he is 'nanaban-sama'. He only really uses honorifics when menacing Nene or Akane about "Aoi-chan".)

I think in reality, most Hanako and Kou interactions point to something contentious between them waiting to snap, as I've discussed before.

In fact, we now know explicitly that Hanako loves his little brother & sought to save & protect him, so for sure a wedge was driven between Kou and Hanako the moment Kou declared revenge on Tsukasa. Hanako's blank stare, [... ...I see.] should make sense when looked back on! Quietly logging that Kou might become a problem for him, later.

At the very least, you have to imagine he is more loyal to his yorishiro than he is to this ugly kid. If push came to shove.

We see plenty of Hanako resenting Kou.

On top of that … he's competing with Kou for Nene-chan, not only her time & attention but even the right to influence her life or save her. Both in Picture Perfect & Severance, Hanako expresses this VERY directly.

Despite initially being OK with Kou making efforts to save Nene-chan, he completely walks that back in Picture Perfect; his sense of possessiveness and jealousy cannot in fact handle it at all. Sometimes people get attached to a particular older manga scene, and see it as inconsistency or random when that aspect has changed, but honestly, I think it's always a realistic character beat. Hanako once welcomed Kou to try to save Nene-chan, back in volume 6,

but .... as he got closer to Nene-chan, he instead pursues Picture Perfect & then the Severance as his own aggressive, forceful solutions, which no longer factor in Kou as anything but an impotent annoyance. Hanako once, incorrectly, 'thought he wouldn't care', but he in fact does! This is a form of character development I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge, in Hanako (... maybe people think 'character development' can only mean positive traits or improving, and not something like becoming more aggressive or possessive? <- but being more attached & true to himself IS'positive' development for Hanako. Becoming yandere isn't a bad thing in AidaIro-sensei world </3). Over 20 volumes in, there's no need to cling to perceptions of their dynamic which they have evolved away from.

So.... you have Kou shounen protag shouting "I'll save everyone!" while Hanako is being a yandere like "nobody can ever touch Yashiro's lifespan but ME". This isn't a recipe for best friends.

I remember when ^ this ^ chapter came out, some people were upset/shocked that Kou could still talk easily about destroying Hanako, but I have no idea why. Hanako has only repeatedly proven himself unstable and untrustworthy since those early-manga moments (if a friendship stems from ignorance, what is it worth?). It is only Kou's dedication to Nene-chan that makes him help Hanako in the Far Shore ... Nene-chan is pure of heart so, perhaps so long as she doesn't see him as a lost cause, or as long as Hanako doesn't hurt her, he will try to believe her, and stand by her.

The thing Kou does have going for him, is his faith in Nene-chan to bring out the best in Hanako, to reach his heart. I think ultimately Kou himself isn't sure about the truth lying within Hanako, & he knows it won't be him that draws it out. To him, it could end up that he's completely crazy & dangerous & has to be shot like a rabid dog lol, or that there's something good in there. He's fence-sitting between Teru & Nene's extreme positions.

My favorite very earnest, honest Kou moment among them, is this... when he is approaching Nene-chan, after the meeting with Teru & Akane, during the Severance.

Kou checks in with Nene-chan because he's not sure where SHE'S at with all of this.

The actions he takes in the Far Shore are less "to save Hanako, as his friend" but "to save Hanako, for Nene-chan".

meanwhile, for your second inquiry:

Didn't a fight over Tsukasa already interrupt their relationship? Mitsuba relies on Tsukasa constantly,repeatedly,and this very fact made Kou cry, feeling jealous & inadequate, LOL. Kou's whole complex is that he wants to be trusted & relied on, and Mitsuba instead running to Tsukasa every time he is in trouble, racks up Kou's resentment towards Tsukasa. Isn't it so funny…MULTIPLE ARCS OF THIS!!!!

I would say neither Kou nor Mitsuba really trust the Yugi twins, or understand them, any of them, despite each being allied towards one in some flimsy sense. I think Mitsuba is correct that Hanako is a psycho pervert... uhhhh all of their interactions are SO terrible LOL

and uh....

(^I love this moment SO much ^ completely unnecessary out of pocket Hanako moment!!!!! No reason for you to look so crazy!!! DID YOU HAVE TO CAST SHADE??? lame weak Mitsuba .... haha... I love Hanako ahhh </3 Mitsuba is so pathetic & stupid to him.... such disrespect in PP!)

^ KouMitsu fans should love this protective Mitsuba moment, him staring at Hanako like this while clinging to Kou...

In mmmany ways I guess I don't think Kou or Mitsu are loyal to the Yugi beside them, wouldn't necessarily come to their defense any more than Mitsuba does in the Aquarium chapters (which only really argue a necessary dependency; though I think it's really interesting that in PP, Mitsuba defends his CHOICE to ally with Tsukasa, not WANTING to be seen as only Tsukasa's victim or helpless.)

Kou holds Mitsuba's loyalty to Tsukasa against him, but for some reason as we've seen thus far, Mitsuba does not hold Kou's loyalty to Hanako (or Teru, who tries to kill him) against him. I'd say Mitsuba is actually more humble/gracious & a little more self-aware than Kou-- and also devalues himself, wouldn't ask Kou to give up anything for him, because he is worthless (the entire point of his willing attempt at suicide in the Aquarium chapters). Kou screams & throws lightning around when he feels anything Bad, so more disquiet is expressed at Mitsuba. Kou feels more demanding & holds more uhm.... ambitions for what he 'wants' their relationship to be (one where he is depended on, is Mitsuba's hero). So there is probably more likely to be more conflicts surrounding Tsukasa....

I wonder if Hanako will ever do something so directly terrible that it would cause Kou to loosen his allyship to Nene-chan, and increase his allyship to Mitsuba. I would like that tbh, and it would bolster their dynamic to me, & I could respect Kou's stance more. As it is, it's hard to say much about his loyalty to Mitsuba, which is kinda only simultaneous to his loyalty to Nene-chan .... I would like Kou's fence-sitting about the Hanako situation to finally really hurt Mitsuba maybe, some day. If I had to have an opinion on it.

I wonder what Nene-chan coming to like/defend Tsukasa would do to Kou's stance against Tsukasa? What if everyone but Kou liked the little bugger in some way.... haha. That would be idealistic for me.

I would also find it interesting if Mitsuba actually had to do something meaningful to defend or protect Tsukasa. Curious if the vague ghost memories in Mitsuba's head in the recent chapters will culminate in any kind of reaching out to Tsutsu. Ultimately, is Tsukasa someone who tormented Mitsuba, or someone who saved & comforted him repeatedly? His active mind rejects the concept, but maybe his subconscious would feel otherwise. I dunno. A lot is ambiguous.

A bit of a tangent I guess there... so theorhetical. Well, nobody really likes the Yugi except for each other & Nene-chan.

[morganalefae]

s3 morgana being "beyond redemption" is soooooo crazy to me like yeah trying to kill the evil tyrant king whos been murdering every last one of your kind is sooooo evil lock her up and throw away the key!!

such a prime example of a kick the dog character too. like they cant condemn her for just fighting for her right to exist so they have her executing civilians and trying to have gwen executed to make her into the villian.

and! the same goes for morgause! literally what did she ever do wrong? uther conquered camelot (said by him in the episode where gili fights in the tournament) and then executed hundreds if not thousands of people with magic but morgause trying to kill the king is a step too far? why? its almost like the show is actually on uthers side 🤨🤨🤨🤨

which leads me to: the fact that we essentially watch the entire show through the pendragon perspective. merlin protects arthur so everything we learn about the purge and magic and the old religion is from uther/gaius. so, biased, to say the least. one of the most important things they tell you when researching history is to consider where your information is coming from and how that persons perspective influences their discussion of it.

which is why i also dont consider nimueh to be a villain. shes an activist! yeah she tried to kill arthur that one (?) time but he didnt even die so. doesnt count <3 but we SEE her having a conversation ALONE with uther where she says she didnt know what would happen to ygraine and i just cant imagine why she would lie. if she really wanted to hurt him she could have said she'd known and killed her on purpose but i dont think thats the case at all. she says she never would have helped him if she'd known what would happen. like, surprise, if you hunt and kill people for the crime of existing they will fight back and its not going to be the way you like it and innocent people will die. because thats war. you ruthlessly slaughter her people and she will slaughter yours.

worlds most unstructered post. professors hate her. anyway the show eventually starts to take on a very firm, "merlin has magic but ues not LIKE those other magic users therefore hes ok :) everyone else is evil tho. except the druids (sometimes :|)", whereby merlin using magic is only allowed if hes helping or saving arthur (except all those other times but we dont talk about those i guess) and his stance on magic eventually warps until hes just kind of horrible about it.

100% unpopular opinion but gaius should have died in s2 or 3. he influenced merlin far too much and basically never for the better. sorry to gaius lovers but i do NOT like that old man. he advises merlin EVERY time to not tell morgana about her magic (which she has no control over and therefore is manifesting in ways that will absolutely get her caught), to never help any of the unfairly persecuted people of the episode or even to use magic at all. hes a bootlicking coward who only helped people he cared for or when it suited him. how many people do you think he watched burn simply because he didnt agree with the way they used magic, whether it actually "evil" or not.

merlin's only friends who know about his magic are an old conservative man and a guy who dies right when merlin could have used the support of someone to help him "come out" to arthur about his magic.

im firmly of the opinion that had he told morgana about his magic everything would have been literally fine. because alone and with loterally no support system at all, is it any wonder that morgana would go down the road she did? after years of fear and watching people just like her be burned for the crime of existing, with no prophecy or friends to tell her that it wont always be this way. you dont have to be afraid because youre not the only one and i wont let anything happen to you. oh wait. she did get told that. by MORGAUSE. not about the prophecy but how can they be judged by trying to bring about change by themselves. by trying to kill a king whos killed so many of their own people.

if the intention of the show had been to give a poignant message about the cycle of abuse (morgana succumbing to bitterness and hatred just like uther) or how fear can control you (merlin eventually becoming essentially the bad guy, judging everybody who doesnt use magic the way he sees fit, staying silent and contributing to persecution of magic people because living in fear can make you paranoid and bitter (sound familiar?)) then i would applaud because wow did that make me fucking cry! and hit actually very close to home! and it was tragic and horrible but also inevitable

but as far as i can tell that was not at all the point, because in the end kilgharrah tells merlin the prophecy has been fulfilled, albion is united and magic returned! hurrah! but. um. did i miss something? when did that happen? oh, you mean when gwen is queen....? so.... gwen unites the land of albion and returns magic to the land? except, merlin seems to have lived on until the 21st century of our world and magic is not what i would call flourishing atm.

so i guess my question is... well actually i dont have a question. actually wait i do. what the fuck?

[meatcute]

Not an American, and I despise Harris and Biden for their enabling of genocide, and Harris in particular for her role in so much institutional cruelty and misery. If I were there, I don’t think I’d vote for either if it came down to it.

At the same time, there’s a glimmer more hope for me when it comes to Palestine specifically with her than with Biden. It’s not a lot, and definitely not enough to be convinced she’d be willing to denounce Zionism or push the Democratic Party to distance themselves from the Israeli regime, though. It’s something though.

Here are my reasons why:

Biden specifically has been a huge voice of Zionism for decades. He once told Netanyahu that he was Israel’s best friend in US politics. Harris does not have that degree of personal investment in Israel- Obviously, she is supported by AIPAC, but she has not entrenched herself in it like Biden did.

She’s just not as old. Everyone I know that’s Biden’s age, smart or not, liberal or conservative and even actively leftist, take a lot of talking to in order to reconsider their stance on anything. We don’t have the ability to do that directly with Biden, as we can see from it taking weeks and personal lobbying for him to step down- Harris will probably be more receptive to adapting her stance on most issues than we could ever hope Biden to be.

I guess my overall feeling on the situation is: I wanted Biden gone; I want Harris better. I think everyone continuing to talk about Gaza, pressuring her on that, alongside her record on Native American rights, sex workers, police reform, etc has a genuine chance of affecting her policy choices as president.

So I’m holding out hope. Not hope on the way that “if American’s just vote for her, she’ll be a good president!” way, but in a “If this election campaign continues the way it is, she can choose to reinvent herself and her stances on major issues that the Biden-Harris administration failed.” way.

If she doesn’t make those choices, and chooses to stand even stronger pro-Israel, pro-cop and toe the Democratic Party line, then you can drag this post back up and we can all laugh at it together as a symptom of chronic centre-left apologism.

TL:DR: Keep criticising Harris’ record, keep condemning the Biden-Harris administration’s fucking awful treatment of Palestinians and apathy towards Sudan. I believe that doing that has an active political purpose in changing how Harris will approach things, and that keeping that open as a possibility can energise this movement even stronger.

irdk this just sounds like youve been totally sold over by harris having better optics than biden. harris being younger or not as expressive on her opinions on israel does not mean she doesnt stand by the decisions shes made. do you think she endorses the genocide by accident?

"we can laugh together" ah nvm you dont care about this. you typed this whole essay only for your reaction to a future where our president kills palestinians to be "lol guess i was wrong!" like what is the point of this. congrats on the successful ragebait ig?

[rayssyscourse]

Hot Take: if anti-endos worshipped medical professionals as much as they do when it comes to endos they wouldn't support self diagnosis of DID especially for people under 18. Do you know how many medical professionals support self diagnosis? Not a lot.

hmm. i see your point but this feels uncomfortably close to a red herring (is that the right fallacy?? I think so). I do think you're right to point out the cherrypicking that anti endos sometimes partake in, but things just aren't this black and white.

self diagnosis is a complicated topic, one that I might make a whole other post about on its own. the term self diagnosis itself can mean a plethora of different things. the one that people like to assume is self diagnosis as a final, end-all be-all answer to ones medical problems. while it's true that some people try to diagnose themselves absolutely with the authority of a professional, that's not really how most self diagnoses work. self diagnoses are often the first step to getting a real diagnosis. when I first started therapy, I went in with the attitude of "I think I have an anxiety disorder, so I'm here to get a professional opinion on it". if I hadn't self diagnosed myself, I wouldn't have gotten therapy, and likely would have made my anxiety worse by thinking it wasn't real, that I didn't need/deserve help, etc. I ended up with a diagnosis of two different anxiety disorders, which I would not have gotten if I hadn't unofficially diagnosed myself with anxiety beforehand. this is anecdotal, I know, but there's a point to be made.

also, while it's true that most doctors avoid diagnosing minors with things like cdds, that doesnt always equate to them disapproving of the idea of minors definitively having them, if that makes sense. most adolescent mental health treatment is focused around treating symptoms, not their causes. doctors hesitate to diagnose minors with complex or severe disorders because hormones are wild as hell, so they prefer to address symptoms as they come up without caring as much about where said symptoms come from. another anecdotal example: I'm diagnosed with "BPD in adolescent", because my doctors are quite confident I have BPD, but they don't want to lock into a diagnosis before I turn 18 because they find it easier to treat my symptoms rather than guess at an underlying cause, because it would be difficult to determine said cause while my brain is still developing. they gave me that diagnosis so they can treat my BPD symptoms, and I and my doctors all operate on the understanding that I have BPD--the only difference between my diagnosis and an adult with BPD's diagnosis is that mine leaves room for the doctors not to fully "lock in" a full diagnosis until they're able to get a better reading on what actually is the cause. again anecdotal, but you get my point.

so I think you have a point about cherrypicking, but people aren't as black and white as this ask makes it out as. someone being anti endo doesn't necessarily mean they think there are zero flaws in the medical system or that they subscribe to every medical theory out there, in the same way that someone being pro endo doesn't mean they support controversial issues like tulpamancy, radqueers, etc. it's entirely possible for these things to be true of some people from those groups, but generalization is a slippery slope, and pulling in other topics can end up diverting the conversation.

I'm not attacking you or saying you're wrong, just throwing my two cents out there! thanks for the ask, hope you have a lovely day <3

[hcfiles]

blah blah blah or they are simply a real couple expecting a Baby. End of. 🙄

And now not only Natalie is PR but all his other relationships too? Woman you need Jesus. Is it because you cant stand the thought of Henry having partners? Is that your problem? He's one of the hottests dude in the world he doesnt need PR Girlfriends. The only one that might have been PR is with Kaley Cuoco. I think you have never been a fan of Henry at all. Cant be because how come you never noticed anything of that before? Just now when a woman came into his Life you hate, now it's suddenly clear to you? astonishing!

Gina talked about Henry recently, they were very seriously! She alone debunks your "all his relationships are pr" bs. And before you attack again, Im not afraid to admit I hate the way you talk about Henry but its not because i fear you are right...NO its because I hate when people manipulate others on the internet because ive seen how it works. A lot of people arent smart, dont do their own research...they read something and believe it. So im asking you, at least tell people its only your opinion. Do not state your opinion as facts, please. What will happen if you are proved wrong? Will you just disapear in shame and/or delete everything? You hurt people, the sooner you realize that the better.

My criticism goes against the way his team dealt with the situation. Of course he's entitled to have a relationship. And the fact he had many PR stunts doesn't avoid him from having real girlfriends hidden somewhere who don't show, despite thinking he's not that experienced, even being the hottest man on Earth. Being hot and sexy is not exactly, a synonym of a good performance.

You say I make statements and manipulate people. No! I give my version of the facts and people are entitled to disagree, like you do. For those following, I think that is clear. It's a democratic page. But, saying I manipulate people just because I give my version of facts, is way too much and it gives me a power I don't have. Even the most idiotic, has an opinion and can discuss it and disagree with me.

It is a free world. I am entitled to have a blog discussing a public matter of a public figure. Manipulating would be if I came here saying I know the couple, work with his team or in the Industry. That would make my page more credible and people dependent on my posts, coming back for more. But, your insistence in trying to argue with me is more manipulative and brings more attention than my posts.

You say you "hate when people manipulate others on the internet". But, isn't that exactly what you are trying to do? Trying to make me do or write what you want on my blog to suit your convictions? And, of course a lot aren't smart. But, I'm not here choosing or excluding readers. My page is democratic. They are free to come and go. And, I'm not responsible for what people do of the information they read. They have the free will to do whatever they want with it, including to ignore it.

I never stated my posts as facts. That is YOUR interpretation of what you read, probably based on your fears they could be true. You are responsible for how you interpret what you read. Good luck with that.

And answering your question, if I am proven wrong it will be OK and nice. At least, one way or another, we will have answers to many of the questions we have seen for years and he will have a chance (maybe) to get rid of the negative publicity and the bad luck and energy Natalie brought him.

Who do I hurt and why? Henry? He doesn't even know I exist. You? I would only hurt you if my ideas threatened your beliefs. But, I'm not going to your page to force you to believe me and you said my posts don't threaten what you believe in. So, ... If proven I'm wrong, why would I delete the blog? I might just continue with the page. There will always be something to write about, because he will always come up with some new promotion or PR stunt. But, I doubt I'm wrong. At least, not wrong about a few things.

[aemiron-main]

I think a lot of the issues people have with your Henry theories is that you so strongly believe in them (which is great! We all should believe in our own theories otherwise what’s the point lol) but then you and the other theorists so firmly believe that it’s canon and that everything you say is 100% truth and every single detail you’ve discovered is all gonna come out in s5 and anyone who either a) doesn’t believe in these theories or b) doesn’t understand/doesn’t see it is so stupid bc to you it’s like duh it’s obvious! And you’ve ‘cracked the code!’ or whatever and that comes across as rude and snobby to some and I think that’s where you lose a lot of people instead of gaining people to believe in your ideas too.

Sorry if this sounds really rude! I’m just trying to throw an outside perspective on it lmao.

Anon, I get what you're saying but here's the thing. I don't fully believe that. I don't fully believe that everything I say is gospel. I have repeatedly, publicly, retracted posts and said "I WAS WRONG!!!" when I notice something that isn't accurate. I am already WELL aware that some things aren't going to be in S5 and that I'm wrong about some things. But the stuff I feel strongly that I'm right about, I'm passionate about! Maybe I'd be less "rude" about it/veer less into "it's 100% right" territory if I didn't have people constantly telling me that it's 100% wrong even when it comes down to things that are literally confirmed by ST production. I also don't think that people who don't understand are stupid, so let's please be very clear about that. What I think is stupid is when people criticize posts without even TRYING to read them or ask for clarification. I think not even making an ATTEMPT to understand is stupid. I think that assuming that you know better than the ST production team themselves & what they've said about their work because you went to ~film school~ is stupid. The stuff that I think is obvious is when I've taken the time to lay things out repeatedly for certain people, and not just things that are up for interpretation but things that are STONE COLD FACT from the mouths of ST production themselves about their costuming and VFX work and people still act like their personal opinion overrides those facts.

I don't think people are dumb for not seeing things- I think they're dumb for not even being willing to try and look because they've already made their own biased judgements. I DO think people are stupid for posting about how Henry's inherently evil and how anyone who believes otherwise is crazy/stupid, especially when theyre unwilling to even consider the other side of things.

I absolutely agree that everyone should believe in their theories too- and I think that people should also be open to changing their beliefs when presented with new evidence. But for the majority of my stuff, I have yet to be presented with compelling evidence contradicting it that doesnt just boil down to "oh it's a production error".

And me being EXCITED about things isn't me trying to be snobby. I've literally posted about "cracking this code" or whatever and then retracted the post 5 minutes later because I found evidence that contradicted it. Most of the time I'm just being dramatic in that regard. And I also word my posts like essays with a thesis statement- so even when I'm not actually 100% sure if something's going to be canon, I word it as if it is because I'm trying to make the point about how it would be canon/again, writing it like a persuasive essay.

But when I'm not just being dramatic, I'm usually responding to a ton of vagueposts or unposted anons about how I'm a dipshit pedophile apologist and how everything in this show is a production error, and THAT is when the frustration comes into play. I AM very passionate when I believe I'm right about something and that I have the evidence to back it up, No need to apologize! I appreciate the perspective but I also don't see a need to censor myself & my excitement because people might think it's rude. Personally, I think the constant vagueposting and throwing the word pedophile around simply for analyzing a tv show is pretty rude. I hope this clears things up. I spent a long time on here watering down my posts with "well i might be wrong BUT" and I'm not doing that anymore because I'd hope that people would use their brains and understand that I'm just Some Guy and my posts are just My Analysis Based On The Evidence We Have. People don't have to listen to me. I don't care if they do. What frustrates me/when I do care is when it comes down to people dragging me for things I'm not even saying (such as acting like I'm saying that even if Henry did all those things, It's Totally Fine and Okay). I think EVERYONE should post their opinions firmly and strongly, and still be willing to change their opinions. I post my opinions firmly because I'm not afraid of being wrong- if I was afraid of being wrong I'd preface every post with "oh this might be wrong however-". But I'm not afraid of being wrong. I just move onto the next thing/next piece of evidence when I am. Sorry for being passionate about a subject I guess???? No yknow what I'm not sorry!!!!

[bluedancingkittykat]

SO tumblr deleted the Ask/Draft, but here you go anon! Hope you see this someday...

I am assuming this is for tolkien, because that IS most of my blog.

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Feänor is an easy one, so we're gonna go with Nolofinwë. 1) Fingolfin translates to Finwënolofinwë. Not addressed in the published Silmarillion, the Shibboleth of Feänor adds great context and character depth. 2) "High princes were Fëanor and Fingolfin, the elder sons of Finwë, honoured by all in Aman; but now they grew proud and jealous each of his rights and his possessions." THEY grew proud and jealous of EACH of his rights!!

Whatever his motivations are, (he thought he was a better choice, he wanted to prove to finwe he was better than feänor, whatever) nolo WANTED that crown, and he wanted it LOUDLY.

ALSO i was going to put this under 10, but figured it fit here better. This is a concept I think lots of people get wrong!

Arda Marred and Arda Healed.

it is NOT post Final Battle Arda un-marred, it doesnt *magically* go away! its Arda HEALED, ok? Arda un-marred is pre-Morgoth singing. Arda Healed is Arda *healed.* listen, I love those "what if post Final Battle, Arda Un-marred deletes people who are considered 'marred'" too, but some people consider Arda Un-Marred to Be Canon, and I'm here to tell you that's incorrect. I know in 10, I'm like "everyone's canon is valid" but a) that was written before this and b) you asked me what character concept i think people get wrong and this is it!!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

this was the only one I have saved, and yeah, I mention this a lot LOL

I had to track this one down and it is such a bad faith take:

and ops clarification which makes it worse, somehow

and Dior is a Nepo Baby. exactly as it sounds. Dior is a nepo baby because he got the throne when he was like 30 lol

10) worst part of fanon

I saw this one and said "we really are choosing violence" LOL a few things! The inability to see Grey. Elwing is either good or bad. the Valar are either good or evil. ut like, No one is all one or the other. This is also why people saying Nolofinwe was humble and didn't really want the crown bothers me lol like you can like a flawed character. Also, that's why I like the silmarillion; someone is good and righteous from one perspective, but from the other is a total ass. Thingol is a good king...but he not a good ally. [[[]]]. Like, theyre likable for their flaws, and seems lots of folks are like "i like character Y, so they're actually good. but I don't like character A, so they are actually a huge dick." ... which i HATE. especially when they use this to bash another character or make an...not inaccurate comparison, I'm not sure what the word I'm thinking of is, but let's say I've read enough fics where feanor is treated worse than morgoth because they didn't like feanor but liked morgoth

ALSO the attitude "my canon or you get cannoned, and by that I mean a canon ball to the face." Like, don't get me wrong, I think debates about canon are fun! but there is no One True Canon (OTC). The only ones I will agree with as Canon are the published novels and even they can contradict each other. Now that I have my circle of tumblrinas i dont see this as often, but I have seen quite a bit of "[opinion] is canon" but then get aggressive when people would say "no thats your headcanon..." or would ask for a source.

ALSO ALSO the "a TRUE tolkien scholar can back up their headcanon with at LEAST 54 references from HoME and a citation from Letter.s" WHAT the hell is that? Sometimes I just wanna give Green Elves lore, ok? Or I think Aredhel is Aro but not Ace and her favorite color is yellow, actually. I don't NEED a citation. *I* LIKE reading the Lore and making HCs according to that, but no one NEEDS it. And like I said, I think Lore Debates can be fun! Debating what HCs are "true," or which version of Canon is "true" can be fun! (fun fact felixwhetsel and I have a theory that everyones version is correct, because if the LOTR and Hobbit and Silm are all copies of the originals, passed down, things are bound be be changed by time, culture, and language!)

I should clarify that debates are fun, if everyones having fun. If not, then it's just mean. I'm sure I've been guilty of that, and I'm Sorry if we had a debate and I came across as a total Bitch.

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

This is the question that I was stuck on for a WHILE. I try not to be horrified/ashamed of things I like and if it makes me mad, I just don't like it.

So I decided to ask it differently. first I asked, "is there anything I'm quiet about liking because other people will judge me?" and the answer is "yes, but i'm not worried about people judging me." (if you were wondering, the answers are "OC centric fics" and "I think Eöl could be an interesting character") so then I asked: "is there anything I'm like "I can't believe I like that!""

The answer is yes, but it does not make me feel mad, horrified, or ashamed, it makes me feel sad

It's the Orc Bank. I headcanon the Orc Bank. There's this one post that sums it up really well, but I can't find it, so I'll try to sum it up. The theory is that only Eru can create souls. Morgoth can only corrupt them. Given that Orcs exist well into the Third Age, there's a couple options.

1. Modern Orcs have no souls (doubtful)

2. Eru creates Orc souls (also doubtful)

3. Maia have the power to corrupt souls (more believable, but logistically how would that work? Sauron tortures *every* orc? When does an Orc stop being an Orc then?)

4. The Orc souls are Recycled into the Orc Bank.

It's exactly as it sounds. The souls corrupted by Morgoth are re-used throughout the Millenia. There is No End to their suffering. It makes me SAD every time I think about it. That post came across my dash and I went "Holy Shit. It makes so much SENSE. But it's TOO SAD to reblog." which is why I can't find it lol Just about every canon compliant fic i write that has all my lore compliant HCs is AU to me because i'm like "Yes, I HC the Orc Bank, but it's TOO SAD. thats is it's OWN fuckin universe"

ask me -> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/bluedancingkittykat/722302678068248576

[frobby]

hey i dont really talk about my life on here very often but I thought i should share this thing that happened to me. SO i was in economics and my teacher opens talking about landlords and im very outspoken about most things i believe in and its usually not an issue so im like “man fuck landlords all my homies hate landlords” and shes like ‘no thats not right’ and im like well why not and she tells me that soon she wants to be a landlord and i tell her thats a bad idea because landlords suck we all know.

so THEN she starts arguing with me about how landlords are actually good and im telling her that I dont like them because ive lived in apartments my whole life and ive never had a good landlord and ive never heard of a good landlord and she deadass tells me “oh those are slumlords, an actually good and attentive landlord is different” BITCH WHAT???? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?????

she then starts talking about how her husband is a landlord and hes one of the good ones cuz he rents cheap to low income people and im like “why doesnt he just sell to low income people instead” and she says that they dont have the money to buy and im like “well why doesnt he have a payment plan where they can rent towards owning” and she fucking pauses and is like “....they can save up” HOW THEY GONNA SAVE UP IF THEIR LOW INCOME, KEEPING THEM BITCHES IN POVERTY

so like im mad now cuz shes basically telling me that my opinion is wrong because HER husband is good girl nobody gives a fuck however after she says her husband rented to the wrong people and they burned one of his buildings down doing illegal things and im like “GOOD” which i do regret but then shes like “you’re going to burn bridges talking like that, im just saying this because I love you” GOOD WHY WOULD I WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH LANDLORDS 

however worst part is that afterwards around the end of class she tells me “if you want to get a better place your mom should go back to school” and i instantly was like “oh no she likes her job she doesn’t want to” because that’s the truth my mom works as a bartender and she loves it but my teacher is “if she wants to retire she should” and im like “i dont think she wants to retire...” and shes being very pushy being like “she will want to in the future” i found this extremely rude especially cuz shes never fucking met my mom. she didnt even know if she had gotten a higher education she was just making an assumption about her based on our living conditions I had mentioned NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD 3000 DOLLARS A MONTH a joke that im poor and i dont have healthcare cuz its too expensive but we live comfortably and make enough to buy wants on just my moms income she was basically calling my mom stupid and thinking shes the only right opinion HOW SHE GONNA SAY THAT ABOUT MY MOM WHEN SHES NEVER MET HER AND DOESNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER landords smh

[spottedkaye]

Getting out of the slump

it is never easy to fail. Its easy to say I wont give up until I pass, in which case I am doing it but to fail and keep failing is never easy especially on my mind or mental state. Depression is a strong word and emotion. It can be felt by people differently but one thing is common with it, you get stuck in a slump and just feel like you cant get out of it. I am sad yes I admit that. I admit that I tried and tried but it wasnt enough. I admit I envy others that are doing better than me and Im suppose to be better or in the same situation but I am not.

I am not smart but I work hard. Lately I feel like I am trying to hard that my mind doesnt want to do it at all. Studying is hard even before but the only difference is I was a student back then and I am an surviving adult now. I know I have the capacity to study and remember and answer questions but for the 6 or 7 time I fail I dont know honestly. Do i deserve to actually be a nurse? I studied hard and worked hard to get that degree even migrating thats all I can think about but how come I cant pass?! I can answer the questions and be close to passing and high or very high chances of passing but the actual exam I cant? what is wrong with me?!?

I am not going to lie did lose hope for a while. I even considered changing careers or focus but my gut and mind still wants be a nurse, a dialysis nurse to be exact. I got the courage again to start over. I called a different Board of Nursing and asked if I can apply even if I already started with a different state and lucky they said yes. That was enough for me get up and see the glimmer of hope again. The hope to be a nurse. I want my son to see that no matter how hard life throws at you there will always be answer. Even in the deepest, darkest, most dangerous mind there can be hope. Hope is not only to live as a person, in my opinion, hope is to keep going until the dream is close enough to be reality.

I am on a very very very long journey to get my shit together. More than 14 years in the making but that light no matter how faint is still glowing in my heart and mind next to the bigger light which is my son. I have 2 lights that I have to keep, one is the light of being a mother and the other is myself which is myself being and becoming an actual nurse. For right now, writing this actually makes me feel better. To release the tension in my mind, heart and soul that I am good enough to start over again and again until I can get it. I did put a time line for myself but I can always adjust it but not too much because time is a luxury that I dont have and should not waste.

Things that I learned from these, time is both companion and enemy. I should learn to stick and stick to my to do list and plans because I cant always there is always be tomorrow. Every minute is a lifetime, being a mom I know that so well so I am going to maximize all that I can do for my son and fight my laziness every now and then. Rest is part of the process, both body and mind needs to recover so that time is not waste by pushing yourself too hard. Yes pushing yourself is good but within limits. Its okay to start over, its never easy to start over but it can be done. Its better to start over than to continue something that doesnt work.

I know everyone is different but I know people feels somewhat the same as me so I am being open and transparent so that others can see that its okay, whatever happens we will get over this and reach our goal.