#having such a fun time that i almost forgot i have trauma haha and it just has to pop up every now and then

[ame-to-ame]

Oh this sucks

[ilovespec]

Shark love~

yandere Fem ! gang leader × Civilian Fem ! reader.| part 2.

WARNING!!!: a small mention of trauma, obscene language , YANDERE IS A FUCKING GANG BOSS , Yandere has nerve problems , yandere and Y/N are female, illegal entry (into the apartment) , somnophilia (in the form of kisses and hugs without Y/N's consent) , drinking alcohol , yandere deceives Y/N .

part 1

part 3

6390 words.

It's been a month since Y/N moved to this city! Surprisingly, there were a lot of polite and nice people here... The salary was paid regularly... And there were even a lot of places to have fun! But every day she imagined two of these girls in turn.. Whom she met on her second day in this city... It was as if they were watching her ... Although it is possible that she is paranoid, or she is just tired at work...But lo! Today she had her well-deserved vacation!! And she decided to go to the club..

(Time skip)

It was already evening, and Y/N was standing at the mirror and applying light makeup.. She was wearing a beautiful black dress, just above the knee..and just in case, I took a small purse.. For money and phone. And after 15-20 minutes, she was already sitting in a taxi and driving to the club...

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

And so, she has already arrived at the club and sat down at the bar...

- A strange-looking girl bartender : good-good night to you ~ cutie ~ what will you order?

The appearance of this bartender girl is very.. Unusual... She has tanned skin, curly GREEN hair, and a muscular build.. A scar on the right eyebrow, and a scar running through the upper and lower lip.. Black little earrings in the ears, and a black bandana on the head... Her name tag had the name "Erba" on it

-Y/N: beer for me, please..

And just as she was about to take her purse out of her purse, she was stopped by a large , calloused and tanned palm covered with scars..

- A familiar voice: and me, please.. "White Russian". I will pay for me, and for this simpatico coniglietto.

Y/N looked up... And I saw her "old friend" SQUALO!! She sat down on the chair to the left of Y/N as if nothing had happened, threw one hand behind her as if "hugging" her, and held her hand for a couple of seconds without letting Y/N get the money, and then let go of her wrist and paid to the bartender "Erba" in cash...Then, Squalo turned her attention to Y/N

-Squalo: haha~ how small the world is.. Good night to you, Y/N.

That night, Squalo was wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt, a black and white bandana on her head...Uh..a black and white tie with a shark print...? Okay..black trousers with a leather belt that had a plaque.. In the form of a shark, and also, she was wearing high, black leather lace-up boots. Squalo smiles toothily at Y/N, once again showing her terrifying teeth..

-Y/N: and good night to you too..Squalo..

-Squalo: Oh oh oh... Why are you talking to me like I'm 50 years old? I'm only 33 years old..

-Y/N: well... That's the point.. You are almost 10 years older than me..

Squalo laughs hoarsely.. Her laugh is quite intimidating.. And strangely, there were fewer people in the club when Squalo came..but nothing , maybe it 's just a coincidence ..Squalo gulped down her cocktail, and Y/N slowly drank her beer... Squalo waited for Y/N to finish her alcohol, AND TOOK HER HAND WITH THE WORDS

-Squalo: Dear Y/N~ let's go dance, huh?~

When they reached the dance floor, Squalo started dancing furiously.. And some strange , frenzied and loud music was playing in the background... and Y/N hesitantly connected to it...

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

After dancing for QUITE a WHILE, they sat down to drink again... Squalo drank a little, and since Y/N had a vacation, she drank beer without limiting herself... Since she even forgot that Squalo pays for everything...

(Timeskip)

After a while... Y/N was already COMPLETELY drunk!! Her face was flushed like a tomato, and she no longer hesitated to joke, laugh and gently hold her hand, or hug Squalo (much to her delight) and so it went on... UNTIL LATE AT NIGHT FUCK!!! And finally, when it was about 4 a.m., Squalo gently put her hand on Y/N's shoulder

-Squalo: huh~ we had a lot of fun.. But I think it's time for us to go home, you need to call a taxi-

Squalo abruptly cut off her monologue as... Y/N fell on her breasts and passed out. Well... This will make Squalo's task easier! Now you don't have to secretly send your man to bring Y/N to her house! Squalo carefully, as if Y/N consisted of glass, picked her up in her arms , and looking at her lovingly went to the exit ,but her subordinate came up to her.

-Subordinate Squalo: Uh... boss... And why was it necessary to expel all drunks or people?. By "substances" from this club? Most of them were imprisoned for drunken brawl , drunk driving and other hooliganism!

SQUALO KICKED HER SUBORDINATE IN THE FACE, WHICH CAUSED HIM TO FALL WITH A BROKEN JAW AND NOSE !!

Squalo: don't make such a noise, bastard... Don't you see..? My darling is sleeping in my arms.. you don't even understand how fucking happy I am right now...

Squalo came out with Y/N in her arms, and got into her car, put Y/N in the seat next to her .

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

After a while, they ended up in apartment Y/N.. and yes. Squalo has been here before, but Y/N didn't know about it.. Squalo went to Y/N's bedroom, put her on the bed and...she took her pajamas out of the closet, and changed her clothes because Y/N can't sleep in such a dress and heels. Then, she just put Y/N on the bed, lay down next to her and began gently kissing her skin, trying not to wake her up... Ha~.. Her angel's skin was so soft ~... Just as she thought..and then, she just She wrapped her muscular , rough and scarred arms, around her fragile little body . And hugging her, she fell asleep with her in her arms...

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

The next morning...

Y/N woke up with a severe hangover.. And somehow she opened her eyes... huh?! Is she lying in her bed...?!!!?? AND SOMEONE 'S FUCKING HUGGING HER!!!!! Y/N turns in shock, and sees that Squalo is hugging her, and looks closely at Y/N, and when she saw that Y/N was looking at her, she smiles..

-Squalo: oh~ dear! You're already awake!!

Squalo kisses Y/N on the forehead..

-Y/N: ha..?

Y/N blushes.

-Y/N: why... why do you call me that...?

-Squalo: why do I call you that..? Don't you remember?!!? We started dating yesterday, honey~

(In Squalo's mind: I'd rather lie and be with my sweet angel~ !! Than I will bribe the cops so that I won't be imprisoned for illegal entry..)

Y/N blushes in shock, and the whole effect of the hangover is forgotten immediately, her face immediatelyIt took on a beetroot hue , and she buried her face in her lap

-Y/N muffled: how embarrassing....

Squalo laughs, gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen... And after 15 minutes he returns, TAKES Y/N LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES AND CARRIES IT TO THE KITCHEN!!! She sits her down on a chair, and puts a plate of food in front of her, and she goes to the balcony.. Probably to smoke...

-Squalo: Bon appetit, babygirl >3<

How do you like this part? I tried my best, lol >3<

about what kind of music was playing in the this club:

[toujokaname]

Card shuffle / Episode 6

Author: Akira

Characters: Tatsumi, Mayoi, Aira, Rinne, Hiiro, Kohaku, Niki, HiMERU

"Hey, hey, can I sneak a little nibble of your finger or something?"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: MDM Stage

Several days later. Just before the first match of Matrix starts.

Tatsumi: ...We've arrived at the show with no idea of what to expect.

We haven't prepared at all, is this really going to be okay?

Mayoi: Uuu... Such unpredictable circumstances are rare for ALKALOID, so it makes me anxious... Wasn't summer the last time it was like this?

Aira: We usually take a bunch of lessons before every performance...

Rinne: Huuuh. You're as well-behaved as they say you are.

Aira: We've got the trauma of almost getting fired in the summer... That's why we give it our all every time, so we don't catch any flak later.

Rinne: Haha. That must be why ES likes you so much. If they're paying us the same salary, obviously they'd favor the ones who exert themselves willingly.

But doesn't it piss you off that they think "they'll do fine even if we don't say anything" and blatantly cut corners?

Tatsumi: I wouldn't say it's foolish to expect the other party to always do their best, but it does make the likelihood of disappointment much higher.

That's why we've always done everything we could.

Is that really something that should be made fun of?

Rinne: I ain't making fun of you. Well done, well done, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes ♪

Rinne: ...Haha. God, no way, looking at you guys just reminds me of my youth...

Tatsumi: ...?

Rinne: But still. Even you honor students had no way to prep this time 'cause the details were too vague, right?

Tatsumi: Yes... Even with our best efforts, there are limitations to what we can achieve.

I'm sorry to keep asking this, but... Have you truly not been informed by the producer in charge regarding the specifics of our ten upcoming matches?

Had we known the nature of the matches in advance, we could've at least prepared ourselves mentally.

Mayoi: ......

Tatsumi: Ah, don't worry, Mayoi-san. No matter what difficulties may come our way, we will certainly be okay.

Let's overcome this as we always have, together.

Mayoi: No... I mean, yes, in sickness and in health, but... Well, um, it seems that our opponents, Crazy:B, have appeared.

But... S-Somehow, something's... wrong.

Tatsumi: Hm? Oh, it's true—That striking red hair belongs to Hiiro-san ♪

Fufu. Though we haven't been apart for that long, it feels oddly nostalgic.

Hiiro: Heeey, Tatsumi-senpai, Mayoi-senpai, Aira!

Hehe. It's a bit unsettling to face you guys as enemies.

Aira: We feel the same way... But wait, why're you so cheery, Hiro-kun? Did the Crazy:B guys treat you well?

I was worried since Crazy:B has a bad rep, I thought you might get bullied?

Kohaku: We ain't bullies... Beg your pardon, but what exactly do ya take us for...?

Aira: Ah, Kohakucchi!

W-Wait, you look a little pale, are you okay...?

Kohaku: Ugh~... Rather, it feels like we're the ones who got bullied.

Aira: Um...?

Hiiro: Fufu. I became the leader of Crazy:B and gained the authority to manage the entire unit.

I couldn't tarnish Nii-san's reputation, so I pushed everyone as hard as I could.

Specifically, everyone was a bit sloppy with things like punctuality, so I made sure to tighten up on that!

Because a leader is basically a monarch! Naturally, the rules set by the monarch are absolute! If you disobey the monarch, you'll be severely punished!

Aira: What kinda dictatorship is that...?

Kohaku: Ain't that the truth... To be honest, Hiiro-han was so obviously a good kid, that we kinda looked down on him...

But we forgot. Hiiro-han's the little brother of this tyrant, Rinne-han.

Rinne: Who're you calling a tyrant? Gyahaha, sounds like our Otouto-kun's been giving you a hard time ♪

Niki: It was really awful... If I disobeyed Otouto-san's orders, I'd be punished on the spot. Like, I was even deprived of meals?

I thought I was gonna die, for real.

Mayoi: I-Is everything alright, Shiina-san? You look a bit wobbly? Um, my fingers, how many do you see?

Niki: Aah, I thought I smelled something delicious, so it's Mayo-chan~♪ Hey, hey, can I sneak a little nibble of your finger or something?

I'm... so hungry I'm at my limit—

Mayoi: Eek, you have the eyes of a starving beast...!

HiMERU: —Like father, like son. Amagi's child is an Amagi after all.

Rinne: He's not my son, though, he's my brother. But still, you guys only knew the obedient little Otouto-kun after coming to the city.

Nobody was aware that our Otouto-kun could be a real handful, right?

Otouto-kun was raised to be my assistant. He strictly abides by the rules and makes sure everyone else does too.

With such a guy in charge, well, it's no wonder you you wound up in some kinda dystopian nightmare ruled by an emotionless computer ♪

Kohaku: That's exactly how it felt... Since Matrix details were murky, Hiiro-han had us preparin' for every scenario.

To brace ourselves for any kinda showdown, we started with singin' and dancin' lessons, and wound up doin' a whole buncha trainin' exercises that had me scratchin' my head.

Gettin' drenched under waterfalls or catchin' every last leaf before they hit the ground... Aghh, it brought back memories of the strictness of my sisters back home.

HiMERU: Should you refuse or display disinterest, expect punishment; even if the outcome is poor, punishment ensues. Punishment, punishment, punishment, punishment.

As these days repeated themselves, our spirits felt like they were about to shatter.

Tatsumi: M-My condolences, HiMERU-san...?

[ ☆ ]

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[icycoldninja]

Hey 💞 sorry if my English is so bad haha I really love your Headcannons (even though I have to translate them sometimes) I'm a big fan of your writing <3

This is the first time l've made a request, sorry if it's bad, feel free to ignore it if you like 🛐

I was wondering if u could do a headcannon of the Sparda Boys + V with a Fem Reader similar to Jennifer Check from the "Jennifer's Body" movie, it's one of my favorite movies and I thought it would be interesting to have a guys reaction to someone with a body and personality similar to hers, being that she is a girl who ends up becoming a demon due to a failed ritual.

Maybe a reaction to seeing her devouring someone after knowing her "human" side, she trying to seduce them or simply finding out how she became a demon, I'm just leaving some ideas but obviously you have all freedom to do it as you like

Thank you for your time, keep up the engaging writing of yours! ✨

Hey don't worry, your English is great. :) Though I'm not familiar with this movie, you've given me enough information to work with. I hope I did it justice. Please enjoy!

Sparda boys + V x Jennifer Check-like Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante was initially lured in by your charms, finding you to be exceptionally beautiful and lovely.

-Then he sensed something was off about you; he couldn't explain why, but you didn't seem exactly human. It took him a while, but he eventually realized you were a demon. After asking you (reluctantly, of course), he was shocked to find you were a bit of both. A human, turned demon because of a ritual.

-He likes how strong you are--it makes getting you onto your back that much harder.

-Watching your levitation in action is also fun for him, and since he can fly too, this means you two can go on midnight hover dates across the countryside together.

-Immortality (save for being stabbed in the heart) means you have virtually nothing to fear during missions, though you should still exercise caution.

-Though he doesn't approve of you feasting off of innocent humans, he'll round up some unruly thugs or prisoners from the nearest jail for you to devour.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil could feel in his bones that you were no mere mortal. You had to be something otherworldly, something supernatural; perhaps, even something evil.

-He decided to approach you about it one afternoon, completely out of the blue. Imagine his surprise when you readily confessed and revealed you were a human-turned-demon thanks to a ritual that went wrong.

-Vergil was understandably upset at this revelation since demons had been the core of all his struggles throughout his life, but soon realized that you'd been changed against your will, meaning you were as much of a victim as he was.

-He would prefer if you kept your succubus activities to a minimum around you, but on certain occasions (such as demon mating season) he will indulge.

-He doesn't want you to turn him or any other humans into demons, nor does he want to watch you feed. It disgusts him, and awakens his killing instincts.

-You are very understanding of this and do your best to only eat people who deserve it and to do so out of his sight.

□ Nero □

-Nero was first your loving boyfriend, then your victim--that is, you seduced him with your feminine wiles and succubus charm.

-He knew you were a succubus almost as soon as you set to work, but was so lost in pleasure, he forgot to question you till morning.

-Nero was surprisingly chill about all this, though he did ask if being turned into a demon against your will gave you any trauma.

-If it did, Nero understands and is literally always there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to vent your troubles onto. He'll just awkwardly sit there, a tiny smile on his face as he listens to you share your secrets.

-He is surprisingly supportive of everything you do, and would gladly offer himself for you to feed upon if it didn't entail his immediate death.

-To compromise, he finds victims for you (where he finds them is unknown) and just drops them at your feet for you to eat.

● V ●

-V was bewitched by your supernatural beauty; though he understood the dangers of associating with demons, he still loved you and chose to subject himself to your charms.

-He admires you and your eternal beauty, and can think of several poems which he thinks you are very similar to.

-Your demonic powers amaze him. They shouldn't, but they do. V just can't stop silently obsessing over how strong you are, how fast you are, how you seem to be immune to everyone and everything, and so forth.

-He does not approve of you eating humans, though, even if you need them for sustenance. Since you have yet to find a working alternative, you'll just have to sneak out occasionally, have your "meals", then come back and say you were out with your friends.

-Hopefully you can keep your feasting a secret because V can kill you since you're a demon. He won't be too happy to learn you've been hurting innocents and lying to him about it at the same time.

[starjxsung]

Hi Star!! Please don't apologize for being away! We all have life and I know you've been going through some health challenges and work has been hectic - I just hope you're doing well and taking care 💕 sounds like life is putting you through it a bit and I just wanna let you know we're here to listen (or at least I know I am 💗) and that we care so so so much about you!!! School is going well!! I'm actually so hyped for the term. Overall I enjoy my courses. Plant Biology and Forest Ecology my beloved - I LOVE plant ID. All the labs for Forest Ecology are outside in the forest at my uni and for our final lab exam we have to memorize how to ID 70 indicator plants and their latin names and soil moisture and soil nutrients just from their branches - it'll be a fun challenge! One of my profs is WORLD FAMOUS for her research and I freaked out when I found out she was my prof. I also have been keeping in touch with a couple of profs from last year and it's been so great chatting with them - they said I could maybe TA their courses next year 👀 I've also been making an effort to make more friends and introduce myself - I've found a lot of people I met last year we kinda were just class friends and not really friends friends which is fine because that happens - I just wanna get to know more people and make more friends and find those I really click with. So far a few from last year I've still found to have stuck around which is nice :) I've also met some really nice new friends and it makes me so happy (some not so nice but that's okay I just won't try talking to them anymore haha). TW: S3xual assault???

urgh south africa guy. guess what! hasn't messaged me since my last update abt him. so like. welp. I'm actually happy that he hasnt now. like at the time i was like :((( . but now im like good fcking riddance bro. blocked! basically i went back and analysed things and realized yeah he was taking advantage of me and emotionally manipulating me. literally conditioned me to have sex with him??? like in conversations we had literally before we were anything. literally wanna throw up everytime i think about any ounce of time i spent with him even if it was just standing there. like. idk i finally talked it all out with a friend who was on the south africa trip too (she had her own situation with another dude on the trip - he fucking followed her to prague??? whole other messed up story.......) anyways, i realizsed that the whole situation was fcked up and he didn't care abt me at all and was prolly also just keeping me around cause he fetishizes asian women!! yay!!! idk i feel very physically used. which feels gross. tryna decide if I feel like this is borederline SA idk processing it all cause guess who has trauma and repressed it the whole time and was thinking everything was fine!! I could bring up a lot more sht that happened but im not really feeling like typing it out or thinking about it. I just. i cant help but feel its my fault for being stupid and naive :( even tho many people have told me its not. its just hard not to :( anyways, on a brighter note i forgot if i mentioned this in my europe update but so like i made friends with another kid on the norway tour thing. he was a fun kid to hang out with and mess around with. hes like 5 years younger than me tho. tbh was very mature tho. anyways, thought we wouldnt talk each other ever again after. but we had exchanged discords so we could message during the trip abt like when to go to the pool n sht. anyways, we ended up messaging little by little. and then like having convos. and turns out we are like almost identical people. just . living thousands of km apart and in different countries and like 5 year age difference. like i have two youngers brothers. and hes the same age as my youngest brother. and he feels like another younger brother to me now its so adorable. he'll share stuff with me and like its so easy to converse and hes so sweet??? anyways, literally makes my days better. adorable kid. i could tell you all the ways hes become my third brother but it's a lot lol. Love you lots Star 💕 make sure you're taking breaks! I don't want your eyes to die trying to work on fics and things!! xoxo 🌱

HI MY LOVE…… I missed you so much and I missed getting your little updates !! When I tell you I got SO EXCITED getting this one fkfickjdkdkfkfkdkd there’s so much to unpack I’m so stoked !! I’m doing okay (just hating everything related to my job) but I’m pulling thru and I think in a few weeks I’ll feel a little more like myself again :’)

Okay your classes sound SO COOL???? I can’t tell you that be able to memorize the Latin names of any plants bc that sounds hard as hell but THAT’S SO COOL….. also your professor being world famous is literally the coolest thing ever???? Isn’t it SO exciting when you have a well known professor 😭 I had a professor who was the man behind the “little baby ice cream” commercials (that rly weird one of the guy eating ice cream off his head…. It’s kinda scary??) and when I tell you I FLIPPEDDDDD WHEN HE TOLD ME….. like I had so much to ask him and pick his brain about kjsjckdkdjdkfjfj also I’m so glad you’re making so many friends! It’s somehow so much harder to make friends in college than you’d think bc people are so focused on their studies & just keeping to themselves. But when you find people you really click with it’s truly the best feeling :’) side note if we met in a class I just know we’d be besties like in another universe I just know we’re in a plant class together and we get in trouble for talking too much LMFAOOO

anyways I’m really sorry to hear about South Africa guy :( I was truly rooting for you guys and I’m so disappointed to hear he just seems like another loser who used you for sex. Honestly I was in a super similar situation with the first guy I ever “dated” and had a serious relationship with. We agreed to be a fwb arrangement but to still stay exclusive to each other bc otherwise it’d just feel icky. Which I knew deep down I didn’t want because I just wanted to be with him, but I feel like we’re really susceptible to just settling for any version of a man we can get, just so that we don’t lose them. Of course this turned into a full year of me being at his beck and call whenever he wanted a sexual favor, and sending like thousands of pics whenever he wanted them. He’d literally ask me to leave family functions and send pics/vids of myself no matter where I was. In hindsight it was fucking disgusting and I think it really fucked me up sexually & emotionally and I just wish I could go back and grab myself by the shoulders and YELLLL at fact that I ever agreed to be that with him 😭 you can’t blame yourself for this unfolding though, you did the best you could with what you were emotionally able to handle at the time, and unfortunately you both had different wants out of this relationship. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest and he’ll just do this to the next girl who shows him a modicum of attention. You are truly such a fantastic, beautiful, SMART, wonderful girl and you deserve so much better than the lousy cards these guys deal you. Take time to heal and make sure you’re ready to be in another relationship when you’re ready, but know what this isn’t the defining point of what you’re worth or meant for. There are only better things and experiences and people still waiting for you, and dumping that loser guy is just another step forward for you. I’m proud of you for understanding your worth and acknowledging this might just be a trauma response. You’re not a loser, you’re not naive, and you do NOTTTT deserve someone who’s just around to fetishize your existence. You only deserve the best, most unconditional love and attention 💓

I’m so glad you did get a friend out of the trip though !! That sounds like the plot of some coming of age film LOL I hope you guys continue to stay friends for a long time! Sometimes you find friendship where you least expect it 🫶

I love you so so so much my angel, please take it easy and be kind to yourself. What you’ve been through hasn’t been easy, but remember you’re also crushing it in college, you traveled the world and you’re an amazing artist. And no shitty man will ever take that away from you !!!! You deserve someone who matches your energy !!!!! Your aura is like +100000 at any given moment don’t ever forget it 🌱💓🫶 I LOVE U.

[bigbillybepper]

Overshare/trauma dump time:

I just remembered a bit of my own personal lore that I forgot for a minute lol.

So back in the day when I had less than trustworthy friends there was an occasion when our antics had me sent to the hospital.

We had gathered round to do some drugs and party and they offered me what they claimed was mdma or something. I can’t remember exactly what, but I really have the feeling that it was just straight up meth or PCP or something. Like, it was not….definitely not how I’ve heard mdma or ecstasy be described.

What happened after I imbibed is a little strange and hard to explain but I’ll try my best.

So a little background. My friend group was exactly as you’d imagine a ragtag group of art kids and weirdos could be. Some of us in college, some dropouts, some not really sure what we were up to. But we were all running around doing irresponsible things.

One ‘friend’ in particular had really wronged me at this point. It was to the extent I wasn’t really sure what I was doing with this group of people any more. Are they my friends? Do I love them or do I hate them ? But I was having a fun time being self destructive so I continued to hang out with them (they weren’t all bad. There’s some folks i even wish I still could talk to)

Long story short (I wrote a lot more and deleted because holy fuck is this a loaded story) I got triggered by something they said about/to me. And looking back on it I think they intentionally said it to make me feel bad or something ? Anyways the drugs multiplied the emotions I was feeling and I fucking f r e a k e d out.

I blacked out at some point after trying to fall on my head hard enough to pass out. I just wanted out dude. I didn’t wanna die necessarily, I just didn’t want to be conscious. That’s all I can really remember as far as my motives. My friends took me to the hospital and at one point in the hospital I fucking panicked because I was morbidly addicted to nicotine at the time. It had been hours and hours since I had any, and I was getting desperate since I sobered up and found myself in a hospital bed not allowed to leave until I was cleared by doctors.

So I told the doctors I need some nicotine in me right fucking now.

And dutifully they came back with a full strength medical grade nicotine patch that they slapped onto my arm and good god.

I’ve been thirsty in my life. I’ve been hungry in my life. But I’ve never felt more relief than when I felt that shit absorbing directly into my skin. I sometimes let myself smoke a little tobacco here and there… but it’s almost like I can never ever fully get back to that sense of relief. That’s such a terrifying part of addiction- having the moment that’s so pinnacle and such a raw feeling of bliss that you will never ever find that same kind of enjoyment from whatever stimuli again.

Oh but yeah I got out of the hospital once I convinced the doctors I was sane and that it was just an itty bitty mishap. I was fine, other than some grand embarrassment and apologies to all involved. Yeah, I apologized to my friends that witnessed it. It was my fault, or I felt so at the time.

This post kind of started as a silly one in my head and then I remembered just how dark this story got. Haha it makes me feel thankful to be alive, because I’m much happier now.

If you read this far thanks for being here with me and also don’t do drugs with shady people!! It’s not worth it.

[perpetualxfire]

You know, I feel like a lot's happened out of character over the past... god, not even a year, that I just never really shared on here (or did so only briefly,,, though I imagine most people have picked up on a few beats via context clues over time aha) so since I'm trying to be active again let me hit the main beats under a read more-

Sam and I got married! So that's a thing! If anybody wants the wedding video just let me know!! Big embarrassing moment where I forgot I'm supposed to let Khristle give me my bouquet back but to be fair I was flustered from being nice in public (wedding vows), which I think we all know is against the law,

Anyway like the week after the wedding I wound up being hospitalized for a severe allergic reaction to a medication I was on; they said I had DRESS syndrome (like, 10% mortality rate) and then took it back later but did not elaborate??? I dunno. I almost died though!! So that's fun!!

Boss made moves to get me fired after coming back from medical leave; I couldn't get a doctor's note to give me much time to recover after the hospitalization, and I couldn't afford to anyway given aforementioned wedding, so I had the audacity to not do extra shit outside of my usual workload. I quit with no notice after he put me on a performance plan for disruptive behavior (lol), and he was fired three days later. I got my job back, but not before taking some time off and working a different job for a while to get my head screwed on straight. I love the job, but boy was that guy a prick.

We had to say goodbye to one of the ferrets. I'm... Still a little fucked up over that, tbh. He started getting sick right before the wedding and just... Didn't get better. It's been a few months and I'm tearing up again fdsagfdadss god damn it, I've seen so many people in my life die that it barely phases me anymore but my sweet baby boy has his time come and months later I'm still tearing up just thinking about his dumb little face.

I finally started going to therapy for the long list of traumas that I've endured, haha, so that's like, 90% of my life right now, is just digging that shit up,

Oh! I got a new car! It's a little red volkswagen beetle that I covered in polka dots!! My little ladybug uwu. The day I put the spots on it I also found multiple actual ladybugs crawling on it. It was a sign.

[ratinthebins]

Time for part 2 but Dragons Rising edition

quick disclaimers:

This is just for fun and I’m not trying to say any one ninja is more traumatized then the rest.

I only put what I remember and you’re welcome to add stuff I forgot 👍

And let’s get into it!

Lloyd

Got separated from his family for a concerning amount of time

probably separation anxiety times 20

Nearly loses his kids students a lot

He misses his uncle poor guy

(rip master Wu crab rave 🦀🦀🦀)

Where is his family. Give them back now .

Gets high from dragon powers 👍

gets horrible visions from dragon powers 👎

Pls comfort him

so many panic attacks

hugs

he needs hugs

PLEASE HUG HIM

watched his big brother get sucked through a portal and be banished <33

he’s a silly little guy

Nya

Literally lost her family (AGAIN)

Misses her yin

give him back to her >:(

the whole dream scenario .

foreshadowing is evil

lost her brother

Found her brother

lost her brother to a flying boulder

Her brother came back :D

oop there he goes :0

Zane

If this man gets dehumanized one more time I’m losing it

STOP KIDNAPPING HIM

Petition to stop Imperium from cocooning random nindroids. It’s immoral.

Bro he’s not just a machine 💀

‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DINT EXPIERNCE COMPLEX EMOTIONS

somebody give him a hug or I’ll do it myself >:(

Cole

GIVE HIM BACK HIS DAUGHTER

and his best friend :(

If s2 makes Jay and Cole fight each other in the tournament I will die .

theyre best friends fight me

PUPPY COLW (im not sure this counts as trauma)

‘but hes cuteeeee

Promised to protect Bonzle. (Mission failed successfully ig)

Jay

Let him play his video games

JAYAAA

im not getting Jaya am I ?

just soul crushing angst ;-;

Amnesia. So much amnesia

Kai

Oh wow uh

gets separated from family

lloyd almost obliterates him

gets obliterated by a boulder

season one is fairly tame

becomes a single father of one

proceeds to panic over child’s wyld behavior

‘haha funny right? Wyld. (I’ve become Jay)

Gets sucked through a mergequake portal

sees a really messed up vision but they won’t tell us what it is :((

SHOW US THE VISION

gets banished womp womp

Wyldfyre

Yeah. Her family died.

dragon family death count worrying

was rocketed away from her family and us fostered by a dragon family only for them to pasta way

Doesnt really connect well with humans

‘Realizes pranks aren’t always funny the hard way

lost her father dragon for a good while

then loses her human dad (kai) through a portal

let’s not forget about Cinder breaking her leg 💀

Sora

This girl needs about a thousand hugs

lets speedrun this trauma list shall we?

Parents who are absolutely horrendous

she finally makes parents proud and gets invited to help work in the lab (her hero is evil womp womp)

She gets her creation turned against her

watches an innocent dragon get tortured

Gets disowned by parents

isnt allowed at the dinner table

gets her work bench taken away

runs away

all this results to her having self worth and identity issues

has to return to her home because of her past being used against her once again

has to bring online more weapons which causes distrust with her and Arin briefly

Her self worth issues get worse but Nya helps

ultimately she realizes her parents aren’t her true family anymore and she doesn’t need to prove anything to them, unlocking her true potential

Her and Arin start to drift apart

she helps him with her powers thinking it’s right (it’s probably gonna end badly)

And I will cry

they make me sad

really sad

btw if I see Sora’s parents again I will yeet them

deadname Sora again I dare you 🔪

Arin

Lost his parents in the merge

he blames himself for their disappearance

Gets a hammer yeeted at him by Ras at some point and Sora had to watch him get hurt

is terrified of losing people he loves. Riyu, Lloyd, Wyldfyre, Sora…

Begins to spiral worse in s2

This little guy can hold some much self hatred in him *pats head*

GIVE HIM HIS PARENTS BACK

HE DESERVES IT

i swear if they end up being bad guys I’ll cry

Gets shatterspined by Cinder

Constantly fails which puts a strain on the guy’s mental health

Gets beaten within an inch of his life by Ras

seriously Ras chill

thats a child

On his villain arc

The morro parallels are terrifying me

Mom come pick me up I’m scared

there’s a lot of debate of which ninja is the most traumatized and I honestly can’t decide, so I’m gonna list all the trauma I remember. Feel free to add anymore I missed.

Kai

Parentless

raised his sister by himself and had to run a blacksmith shop as a teen to make ends meet

his sister got kidnapped

Got hit with snake venom and was high for awhile

got stuck in a collapsing volcano

the whole birthday human piñata thing

saw his brother explode (rip Zane)

ends up falling in love with a villain

loses his powers

gets tricked by said villain and almost destroys Lloyd with the power staff

gf turned into a snake

got teased about what happened to his parents

(still parentless)

fails to protect his possessed brother

is forced to fight said possessed brother

nearly drowns

gets swarmed by psycho fangirls (s6)

finds out his parents may be traitors

truly believes his parents are traitors and tries to stab them

father gets hit my the time punch

is forced to go back in time and watches Master Wu be lost to time

watches his best friend fall off the bounty and “die” (and literally can’t do a thing)

loses his powers (again)

gets thrown into a bunch of walls

literally has to summon his fire or everyone will DIE

watches everyone get turned to ice sculptures

Loses powers and gets turned into a cube o7

gets pelted with rocks

sister turns into the sea

gets in a car crash

turns into a Crystal zombie

oh, and he gets hit by a giant blast and thrown into the distance, then nearly gets killed by dragons.

Jay

Turns into a snake man

Gets tied up and nearly hit by a train

has a pointless love triangle where he breaks up with his best friend

literally resents him the whole time but is secretly sad

said best friend sacrifices himself and Jay has to watch him be thrown into the pit below rip

is adopted

Bio dad is dead (dead as hell)

bio mom is gone (who knows where)

he’s just motherless

Spider tries to eat him

literally gets tortured by a bunch of pirates

loses his ex gf to a super hot djinn

watches Nya die

is traumatized by even the mention of time travel (s7)

adoptive mom gets kidnapped

is so traumatized that he just becomes emotionally depleted and is okay with a dragon eating him???

watches best friend literally fall into a cloud of darkness and can’t even do anything

almost falls into lava

watches his whole family and gf get cubed

gets sacrificed to a sea beast (which isn’t technically real but still)

almost drowns

literally almost dies because water in lungs

gf turns into the sea

is depressed for awhile

grows a beard

Gets turned into a Crystal zombie

‼️‼️SPOILER‼️‼️amnesia

Cole

Mother died when he was a child

Which lead to a bad relationship with his father

ran away and climbed a mountain in his grief

nearly got killed by a dragon

got mind controlled and was forced to fight his friends/ninja brothers

had a weird love triangle

lost powers

sacrificed himself for Jay

turned into a ghosty boi

got kidnapped by the sons of Garmadon

falls off the bounty and nearly gets frozen in the oni cloud

feels so responsible for losing the travelers tea that he literally climbs up a snowy mountain without sleeves-

gets cubed in a video game

is attacked by a creature wearing his moms locket

no one believes him

despite all the crazy things that have happened

gets thrown to the bottom of the mountain

Gets in a car crash

crystal Zombie time

Zane

Fatherless

wandered for like 10 years-

had amnesia

everyone calls him “weird”

is actually a nindroid

bird robot dies several times

btw his dad is actually alive

falls in love with a robot girl

literally gives her half of his heart

sacrifices himself to protect those he loves and all of ninjago

is rebuilt only to be kidnapped

gf is scrapped and now lives in his head

dies again because smartphones aren’t real (s7)

nearly dies from being thrown off the cliff by someone who was essentially supposed to be himself

Had visions about his literal banishment

gets banished to the never realm

loses memories and is manipulated

commits mass genocide

nearly assassinated

Gets electric shocked and hooked up to power a giant machine

turns off emotions because of Nya becoming a mermaid

crystal zombie

literally locked in a imperium temple for years (but doesn’t remember a thing???)

Nya

Lost both her parents at a young age

was kidnapped

becomes samurai X because she wanted to help and the others wouldn’t let her

im not even going to talk about s3

gets hunted down by Chen’ forces

is actually the water ninja

unlocks her true potential before everyone can die

is forced to deal with misogyny at every turn because she’s the “girl ninja”

gets possessed by the spirit of Delara

dies

someone steals her samurai suit

her parents are alive

she watches her family and bf die

has to deal with survivors guilt when Cole “dies”

is forced to confront her powers once again in s12

gets cubed

watches her bf get flirted with and he doesn’t do anything

Becomes a Queen despite not wanting to???

watches bf get sacrificed

Misses her mom but she’s been gone so long things have changed

sacrifices herself to save Jay

turns into the sea

amnesia

is alive again but is separated from Jay once again (merge)

Lloyd

Mom left him at a boarding school as a baby

dad is evil

Is mistreated and opens a serpentine tomb

gets gatekeeped, gaslight and girlbossed by a purple snake

kidnapped

nearly dies because he’s forced to retrieve a fang blade

almost dies in a volcano

Hes destined to defeat his father btw

and fight him

Son vs father

loses his childhood to save his friends

mother is alive

has to fight his father and destroy the overlord

friend group breaks up after Zane dies

Recently redeemed father dies because Lloyd has to banish him to the cursed realm

gets possessed by his cousin

gets thrown into a river and nearly drowns

says a final goodbye to his father

gets really old

isnt old anymore

is forced into a leadership role and no one cares

falls in love with this really pretty, nice girl

oops

shes evil

she beats him up and brings his father back from the dead (only the evil part)

his father beats him up and leaves him for dead

watches family be crushed

is forced top into leadership again and confronts loss

fights his father one last time and defeats him narrowly

Is forced to work with and babysit his evil dad

is so traumatized by Harumi that his trust issues are heightened

distrusts a Wolf girl but works with her

she kisses him and then he leaves (for good?)

Is forced to fight video game Harumi and they kill each other (poetic but cruel)

is cubed

sneaks into Cole’s bedroom just to tell him how much he distrusts the new princess

sister gets turned into the sea

works at Starbucks?

his ex gf is alive and pissed

dad loves a plant more than him

father plays dead and Lloyd turns into a demon goat man

Gets separated from his whole family in the merge

gets a vision of his family’s grave

gets high, beats the shit out of some bad guys and passes out

probably traumatized after that

[dirtycccat]

the demon bros+ undateables showing their love

thought about this for 5 min then had to write it out so enjoy

lucifer

first off you notice he treats you differently

and by differently i mean like you’re his favorite child  sibling

you get away with anything??? and he’s softer with you than with the others (which is canon)

then you see that?? he keeps buying you stuff you said you wanted when he was present

and you’re ofc impressed

but you’re more impressed by how open he’s around you

he’ll leave most of his walls down around  you

which means you’ll get to experience unfiltered lucifer

he’ll laugh around you more, make dumb dad jokes, nap with his head in your lap, complain drunkenly about his work and bros, give you sloppy cheeks and forehead kisses

you find it rly cute though

if you’re in the human world he’ll 100% take this chance to send you beautifully written letters asking you how you are and leaving some verses that reminded him of you on the back like a 19th century vampire

“dear mc, how is your life? mine is filled with woe and unease since i do not  have the light of my life around anymore...anyway here’s a poem about being horny and alone by a 18th century romantic author hope to see you soon, xoxo lucifer”

you try to respond in the same way and send him memes on the back instead of  poetry (or real poetry depends on your mood)

mammon

protective of you 100% will throw hands with anyone that even glances weirdly your way

but also wants to show you off? like look at this human!!! this is MY human!!!

gives you random thoughtful gifts that reminded him of you

wants to be around you 24/7 so he invites you to all the events that he thinks you’ll like

you wanna party? perfect. you wanna go on a weird ghost stories tour around the city? cool. you wanna waltz in one of those old people parties? he’s already reserved two tickets. you just wanna lay around and nap? he’s already on your lap.

it doesn’t matter if you’re in a romantic relationship or not this man WILL serenade you outside your window

rapunzel style with an acoustic guitar or with a boombox like a rebel 80s kid

anyway here’s toxic by britney spears babe this is for YOU

levi

considers you his bff ofc

but also at first he’s still really awkward around you and doesn’t really know what to do for you and feels bad thinking only you do things for him

until you reassure him you enjoy just being around him so it’s fine

he blushes and starts inviting you more to his room to game/ watch stuff

at some point he starts buying two tickets to all concerts he goes to and invites you along

but also? he asks you what you’re into and starts marathoning your favorite animes/ movies/ series so he can talk with you abt them

you feel really moved that he’d do that for you???  like??? bruh...

your relationship is basically friends respecting each other and wanting to know each other the best through their passions even if it means getting into some weird shit

it’s rly wholesome tho

if you’re romantically involved he’ll totally do roleplay as your favourite character and you do the same for him and it’s really cute

also imagine: artistic collabs. you make fanart together??? you can program games together???? you do cosplay together??? the possibilities...

satan

he’ll hate to be compared to his dad brother but he does show how much he trusts you by showing his unguarded side too

when he first talked about lucifer without the filter of his nice guy persona you were pretty shocked

like he was really going at it

but then you realize? he’s just like that when he’s comfortable

and it’s not all mean spirited, he just has,,, a strong personality and a lot of opinions about stuff (which you sometimes share with him)

but you also found out it’s really fun to gossip with satan

since he knows all the juicy gossip from his multitude of ties (he’s sharing the title of gossip queen with asmo that’s why they get along so well tbh)

also if you even find a teacher you hate he’ll tell you all their embarrassing moments to make you feel better

he also recommends you books and poems and sends you quotes that made him think about you

so you sure as heck don’t need to buy books while you’re in the devildom bc he’ll buy you an entire library 

asmo

compliments you without comparing you to himself which is the highest compliment he can give

like mammon he’s more into the showing everyone his favorite human around while also protecting them

he’ll take you to his parties and gatherings as a guest of honor, he’ll make you meet all kinds of people and open up opportunities for you

he’ll be the one that pampers you

you’d think lucifer is the sugar daddy of the family but nope it’s asmo

he’ll buy you cute clothes, shoes, beauty products everything that he saw and imagined would look bomb on you

if you’re not into clothes he’ll buy you art supplies, books, anything you want but he’ll still probably  buy you at least some clothes he thinks are cute

if you’re romantically involved,,,, he’ll buy other toys for you as well which you can try together wink wink

beel

cooks for you

no questions asked when it’s his turn to cook he’ll think about what YOU would like to eat first before making something

which is??? really touching coming from beel

and also means sometimes he’ll make the same dish three weeks in a row and annoy the others while you just get excited bc ??? you get to eat your favourite dish??? again and again???? 

thank you beel you truly know how to touch someone’s insides

also opens up to you and talks to you about his fears and thoughts

expect to get 4 am msgs from beel if he had a nightmare

which would end up in you coming to cuddle him (and belphie also joins sometimes)

which tbh is that even a thing you can complain about?

belphie

is more baby less murder when you’re around

naps on your lap, naps on your shoulder, naps with you anywhere

but also let’s you nap on HIM

besides being soft around you he actually opens up to you too

and talks to you about his traumas and issues

which he has in common with his twin what can you do

so you have weekly cuddle parties with him and beel where you talk about shit and actually make them resolve their issues instead of just,,, ignoring them

also if you’re into each other you probably tease each other and flirt really shamelessly in public while the others cringe and or blush at your language

are you a cowboy? because i want you to ride me all night 

simeon

writes you fancy letters with poetry like lucifer, but his ink is scented and  his envelopes contain pressed flowers more often than not

if you’re together you even do letter sexting if you’re into it

creates characters based on you in his stories (which you don’t believe even if levi points out you that the two of you are kinda similar)

asks you to spend more and more time with him and luke

invites you to picnics, reads to you while your head is in his lap, cooks you snacks

if you’re a theatre kid too,,, you do musical love confessions too,,, sometimes by just reciting the lyrics of really popular musical theatre songs in a death panned voice

cough a heart full of love from les mis but read like poetry through the fence of the house of lamentation cough

asks you cryptic shit hannibal style like “tell me mc what does it mean to want to be consumed whole by another? is it a desire to become something bigger than yourself or is it related to our need to become one with our loved one like some cultures pointed out before?”

you’re either really into his cryptid talk or just roll your eyes and smooch him

diavolo

invites you around to his castle all the time

sometimes he even pulls some weird shenanigans just to make you spend more time with him

expect tea parties with him luci and barbatos in no particular combination

gives you compliments 24/7  even in public

remember how he treats lucifer? he’s that for you too but he’s learned from the lucifer experience to focus on complimenting you as a person more than how you look

if you’re into pda he’ll touch you all the time

if you ever wanted a gomez - morticia romance, here’s your goth big titty himbo that’s way too full of love

if you’re lovers expect to be pampered, i feel like? he doesn’t buy a lot of gifts and such because he’s probably tired of material things but he will make time in his busy schedule for you and spend a lot of time with you

which means more to him than gifts

(we will buy you anything you ask though)

barbatos

actually talks with you about stuff outside rad, the demon bros and diavolo

also invites you to alone time tea or wine time

where you drink and gossip

if satan and asmo are the crowned queens of gossip barbatos is the king of gossip but he doesn’t share his knowledge to most people so nobody knows what he knows

but he knows,,,, a lot

and not only that he knows a lot about people nowadays,,, but imagine the things he knows about like historical figures and such,,, 

so prepare for story time with barbatos where he  talks about how oscar wilde was almost summoned by drunk inccubi during a party once, or how  diavolo cried when he was a kid because he sent a letter to caravaggio asking him to paint his portrait and he said no

also if you get drunk together expect really energetic talkative barbatos destroying DESTROYING everyone (except diavolo ofc)

“lucifer please i once saw you crying because you thought diavolo was ignoring you when you actually forgot to press the send button to your messages ”

if you’re romantically involved diavolo will always be first in his hear but that just means you’ll have to invite diavolo along on your dates which  just means you’ve got a new lover and a new bff

solomon 

he invites you on all kinds of wacky adventures

you  visit witches, go to weird magical forest parties or orgies if you want, you go travelling the mountains for rare herbs

it’s like you’re faust and he’s mephisto  haha the irony and he’s showing you another side of the world you never knew 

ofc the others know about all this but??? they thought it’s normal and didn’t even consider you know nothing about it

but solomon knows what it was like to be just a human

and since he likes you he empathizes with your situation

he also make you meet all kinds of people

since he has 72 contracts and hundreds of years of doing wack stuff he must know some interesting people

and now his friends are your friends 

i feel like romantic solomon would be just him?? but less shady with you especially since now you understand him better 

but also he’ll probably bring you weird shit from his alone expeditions

did you ever want the tears of a mermaid? a carnivorous plant that feeds on emotions? a crying portrait? no? well too bad because now you have a room full of weird items

...that you love and treasure thank you very much

[in-tua-deep]

Don’t forget October 3rd. Tua fma au???

I’ll be honest I only watched a chunk of fmab and everything else I know about the series comes from the fandom lmao

But this could be funny sO some tidbits from an au I will not actually write

AU where truth spots some weird anomaly in space time and picks it up only to almost get his face torn off by a feral five and is like “I know exactly where to put you!! :)” and all the hargreeves pop up in Roy’s office

Allison and Hawkeye get along like a house on fire

And by that I mean Allison and Hawkeye spar, Allison flips her like a pancake, and Hawkeye has to prevent herself from getting down on one knee on the spot

Allison sees Hawkeyes shooting skills and asks Hawkeye to teach her, like Allison doesn’t already know how to shoot a gun, and they have a way too sexually charged lesson

Havoc ends up with the biggest crush on Klaus but doesn’t KNOW about it for like, the equivalent of an entire season

Everyone has running bets on how long it will take Havoc to realize

(Klaus is winning)

Havoc keeps playing yearning music and keeps saying “I don’t know I’m just in the mood for it!” while he’s sobbing after seeing klaus for 1 second

Roy takes one look at feral thirteen year old five next to an equally feral fifteen year old Ed and is like “no absolutely not”

Five is a mathematical prodigy and loves the logic of alchemy and picks it up QUICK

Five and Ed are at each other’s throats like, full knives out sides are taken and buildings may not survive

Al: brother why do you hate the newcomer so much

Ed: hate him? What are you talking about this is the best debate I’ve had in years and I WILL prove that shit wrong about the application of soul alchemy in teleportation and make him EAT his fucking words

Vanya has such strong fade into the background energy that a dedicated cult pops up among the investigations office

Vanya speaks up and jump scares the entire room who completely didn’t realize or forgot about the existence of an entire person

Investigations: how do you DO IT?

Vanya: thanks it’s the trauma :)

Luther hangs out with the cool chimera people and also ends up as very weird friends with Major Armstrong

Major Armstrong cries a lot but is also a bizarrely good friend and also they are flexing buddies

Al can see Ben bc of fucked up soul alchemy reasons and they just trade snide comments about their siblings back and forth before going to bail them out

Diego runs around capturing criminals and also hanging out with the team Roy squad, somehow ends up being regarded as the second most competent hargreeves after Allison

Idk maybe truth is the reason why all those women had spontaneous pregnancies, like haha fun being a weird fucked up little god :)

The hargreeves and elrics shake hands over trauma surrounding father figures

Five: I’m going to kill truth with my bare hands

Ed, tearing up: you’re my best friend

Al: what about winry

Ed: winry is FAMILY, al. five on the other hand is a piece of shit who I will enjoy murdering in cold blood (affectionate)

Five: fuck you too, bitchboy (affectionate)

Klaus keeps making comments about five making friends while five and ed are rolling around trying to strangle each other and destroying Roy’s office in the process

Roy desperately keeps trying to get the hargreeves to care about going home so they can no longer be his problem

(None of them are that interested in going home sorry Roy sucks to suck)

[truth-and-lies-drv3-imagines]

DrV3 boys, with an S/O who appears to be tough and strong, but at times they have flashbacks to their childhood and when it happens, they lock themselves in their room for days at a time only leaving when they need to

Mod Nagito here~! It’s been ages, huh? Sorry about that. I started this one a while ago and never got to finish it, so I did the other 5 boys today and now it’s pretty much done. I forgot that imagines can be pretty fun to write, haha. It’s much more low-pressure than any of what I’ve been writing recently. 

I’ll be honest, these turned out a little more like headcanons than imagines, but I hope you still enjoy them! They also turned out to be more focused on how the boys took care of their S/O and less about the S/O’s trauma/past troubles. I wanted to make sure they didn’t vary too much in length, but they got longer and longer, so…oh, well? Here you go!Edit: I kept trying to put a keep reading, but it won’t show up :( Sorry.

Shuichi Saihara

- He’s usually the one getting encouraged by you and tends to depend on you for support. But when you disappear suddenly for the first time and don’t respond to any message or calls for a few days, he’s incredibly worried. 

- When he comes to your house, of course, you don’t respond to any doorbell ringing or knocks, so he digs under your doormat and pulls out a key to enter the house. He’ll run through the house and, seeing that common area is relatively empty, dash to your bedroom and knock before entering. 

- You’re too zoned out to have heard him coming in and am curled up in your bed and blankets, eyes wide open and slightly damp. When he sees you, he’ll rush to your side and put a hand on your arm gently. “S/O, what’s going on? You haven’t been responding to anyone’s messages or picking up any calls.”

- You try to deny it at first, trying to keep up that strong front. But when it’s obvious that you can’t hide it from him, especially taking into account his perceptive nature, you tell him. You don’t exactly have a picture-perfect childhood, and it’s hard thinking back on it–you never want to, but it happens anyway.

- He’ll nod and reassure you that he’s not mad or anything, that having these flashbacks does not make you weak, and ask you to please rely on him as he does with you or at least tell him what’s going on because he gets worried.

- He’ll lie in the bed with you and talk to you if you want, or if you’d like silence, give you cuddles or just stay there with you without a peep out of him. Shuichi’s a great listener if you’d like to rant to him, scream, cry, whatever you need to feel normal again after this episode of flashbacks. Heck, he’d even be your punching bag even though you’d never actually use him that way. 

- Next time you have a round of flashbacks, call him up or text him, and he’ll be at your side in a jiffy. He’ll also go out and buy you anything you need so you don’t have to leave the house–although he thinks some fresh air would be good for you, he realizes the world can be overwhelming when you’re in a vulnerable state.

Kaito Momota

- He really admires how you journey on and push past hardships! But he’s a very discerning person; he sees you have your troubles behind the front that you put up, too. 

- When you disappear, he might panic at first, but if he can calm down he’ll be able to assess the situation and remember that you’ve got off moments too. He’ll go looking for you at your home, for sure. 

- He’ll pound on the door, and when you don’t answer, he’ll try the door handle,  realize it’s unlocked, and enter quickly, closing the door behind him and running through the house to your room, where he’ll probably make a dramatic appearance by bursting in the door. 

- He’ll probably have the urge to give you a good talking to, but seeing that you’re in such a vulnerable state, he’ll save it for later. You’ll probably be asleep when he comes in, and only be woken by him sitting down on the side of your mattress slowly, carefully. 

- He doesn’t exactly want to wake you up, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to sleep the day away either. He knows from experience that too much sleep can cause headaches. He might pet your head or rub your back comfortingly as you’re roused from your sleep. 

- If you want to talk about things, Kaito is surprisingly good at asking you important questions that force you to reflect and see more clearly. Otherwise, he’ll keep his big mouth shut and just keep your company. He might sit in your bed and pull you into his lap. He’s basically a human heater and an extra-firm pillow. 

- He makes sure you know that he’s always here for you and encourages you to contact him, talk to him, depend on him. Having another person on your side is always helpful.

Gonta Gokuhara

- He panics and assumes the worst when you disappear and don’t contact him for some time. He’ll run to your house and search for you, all kinds of worst-case scenarios running through his mind. He’s worried to death about his brave s/o! And knowing his strength, it’s more than likely that he could break down a door or a few walls to get to you and make sure you’re safe and sound.

- When he realizes that you’ve shut yourself in on purpose, he feels slightly discouraged. Is he that unreliable, that you’d rather isolate yourself rather than lean on him? But after you explain to him that, in fact, it’s just your habit of how you deal with your pain, he’ll tear up and give you a big bear hug.

- (And he gives the best bear hugs, in case you haven’t realized.)

- He just wants to be the most helpful gentleman possible and support you in any way possible while you’re going through tough times! Just knowing he has your back is a source of comfort to you. He can handle lots, even If he’s often looked down upon for his childish disposition.

- Gonta’s also surprisingly good at taking care of you! He reminds you to eat, drink, sleep (but not too much), get some sun if possible, and take any meds you need. He’s a gentle and positive force in your life, especially when you’re suffering. 

- Even though he may come off as oblivious at times, he’s finely attuned and sensitive to your feelings. He worries about your well-being and what he can do to be a better gentleman for you, even if you say that his normal self is enough for you. Thus, communication with him is rather easy at times since he easily understands your current state of being.

Ryoma Hoshi

- Ryoma’s the type of person to have a strong intuition and often sees right through you, with all that he’s been through. So when you disappear, he’s not all that surprised, but he is worried. However, he’s not the kind of person to rush into situations, and while he may worry about you, he trusts that you’ll hold yourself together enough–at least, until he can get in touch with you. 

- He knows it’s tough for you to take care of yourself when you get into this state of darkness and vulnerability, so much so that you needed to close yourself completely off to hide that weakness. He reads you well, almost too well, and he’ll leave little (or not-so-little) care packages at the door to your house/apartment, complete with little notes of encouragement and support. 

- You’ll open the door to find the care package sitting there wrapped up nice and neatly, and he somehow always has the best timing, so food never spoils. He comes and goes like a cat, but it’s like he predicts your every move. When you ask him about it, he just shrugs and tells you it comes with being an athlete–he can predict your movements just like he can predict the trajectory of the ball. 

- (You’re not sure you really believe him, but you accept his help gratefully.)

- Although he’s careful not to push you when you’re in a tough spot, he does sometimes pop up outside your door just before you decide to head out to get some essentials or such. He times it just right, and you often ask him if he’d been waiting long, but he brushes off your concern and shakes his head. He’ll offer you a hand and talk you on a little walk for some fresh air and company.

- If you ask for it, he’ll pat you on the head and give you hugs. He’s not the kind of person to offer much physical contact in general, but for you, he’ll do so just about anytime. The fondness he has for you only grows when you have the courage to ask him for what you’d like from him because even though he’s intuitive, he has his doubts sometimes, too. 

- If you’re anxious and ask him if you’re being a bother or other such untrue things, he’ll assure you and offer you verbal affirmations that you are not too much and have not been too much. He’s glad that he can support you during hard times. You’ve been a source of light and support for him, so he’s happy he can give back to you.

- Ryoma’s not the most expressive or mushy guy out there, but for the people he loves, he does his best to be there for them however he can. He counts himself lucky to have you, just like you can count yourself lucky to have him, and so it’s a given that he’ll always do his best to treat you right. 

Kiibo

- Kiibo’s absolutely bewildered at first when you lock yourself in and show no signs of coming out, save for essentials like food and toiletries. But he’s a good robot and studies up on human behavior, so he quickly and easily deduces that you’re having a hard time and have partly shut down to conserve the remaining energy you have. 

- Thus, he’ll first take the logical approach, which is to make sure you have everything you need and could possibly want. He’ll help you with getting groceries (although he won’t go in your stead, since he’ll insist that you need a modicum of natural sunlight and fresh air), and he come over as much as possible to help around your place, cleaning and taking care of chores. 

- When he’s satisfied with the standard of your living situation, he’ll focus more of his efforts on comforting you and helping you in other ways. He’s not exactly the most sturdy robot–in fact, far from it–but the current you isn’t much tougher, so he’ll offer his shoulder to lean on and many kind, loving words. 

- Being who he is, Kiibo will tend to probe you for answers and confirmation. He gets nervous that he’s not doing the right thing or that he’s not doing things right, so he has to be sure that what he’s doing is constructive for you. And while subtle enough, delicacy still isn’t his strong suit, so he’ll ask you questions about what you’re going through and thinking. 

- If you confide in him, he can offer a safe space for you to reflect in, and it can be healing for you to talk to him about your troubles, past and present. He’s careful not to judge or advise you unless you explicitly ask for his advice. And if you ask, his advice will mostly consist of telling you to live healthily and safely, and to pursue the things that you enjoy and love. 

- Although Kiibo is perfectly fine with staying inside with you since his suit isn’t exactly the most weather-resistant, he will still be adamant about getting you to go places now and then. He believes a change of scenery can help you with a change in mood, even if it’s extremely nuanced. If you’re able, he might help guide you in doing some simple exercises or movements that can give you a little more dopamine from moving your body. 

- He’ll be by your side even if you push him away. He gives you space when he senses you need it or when you communicate it very clearly, but otherwise, he doesn’t like to leave you out of his sight because he’s very concerned for your well-being. He cares too deeply about you to just leave you alone. He’s a versatile robot and will perform to his utmost ability in helping you take care of yourself, along with caring for you when you are unable to do so. 

Korekiyo Shinguji

- As an anthropologist, he’s studied human behavior and quite a bit of psychology and sociology since the disciplines intersect frequently. So noticing you withdraw and shut yourself off from the rest of the world is natural to him, although it’s a phenomenon that feels unpleasant because he cares for you. 

- He tends to focus on the emotional side of things. As long as you’re drained and in need of something to fill you back up, he’ll offer you all kinds of possibilities and items that can help you feel a better, even if just a little. He has tons of ideas and knowledge, so there’s bound to be something that will help. 

- He loves listening to you talk, and he’ll engage in conversation with you about anything and everything, from the past that’s keeping you stuck in your room to light-hearted topics like what you’d do with a million dollars and a thousand-acre plot of land. If you need processing, he’ll process with you, and if you need to be distracted, he has a plethora of distractions. 

- Korekiyo probably also has collected a bountiful amount of gadgets and artifacts that can pique your interest. Among them will be fidget toys, games, and lucky charms. He’ll probably bring over a big box of stuff that you can look through and let you borrow some things to use (or give them to you, if he thinks he’s studied them enough). 

- He’s also very good at taking care of people, although he rarely has the chance to show off this side of him, being isolated from most people and having deep relationships with few. He’ll cook delicious, nutritious meals for you and help you tidy up. 

- As long as you’re okay with it, he’ll give you hugs and kisses and backrubs. He’ll lie down beside you in your bed so you can get a good night’s rest, and the next day, you’ll wake up in his arms, safe and warm. If you manage to catch him off-guard (although this is very difficult to do), you might even see him watching you in the morning as he holds you gently, just as he does normally before you wake up. 

- In short, he’s like a domestic partner that helps you fulfill your emotional needs and restores your physical health with good food. If you request his help on something, he’ll help you without fail; there’s little he can’t do, especially for you, who he loves. Even just his presence is comforting. 

Kokichi Ouma

- Kokichi is extremely sharp, so he catches just about any of your shifts in mood. He’s aware the moment your mind begins to enter another space, even more because your attention will wander from him, which makes it even more obvious. That’s why he might even be the one to suggest you take a break, or in other cases, ask you to try not to cut yourself off from everything. 

- When you do lock yourself in your room, he’s keen not to leave you alone–at least, not for too long, because he knows what it’s like to be left in the darkness with no friendly presence at his side. If he has to, he’ll be obnoxious and in your face about it and do anything to get you to let him in. If you think you’ve seen the limits of what he can do, you thought wrong. Kokichi Ouma has no limits to his mischief and, in this case, arsenal to tools to compel you to comply with his demands, which is what he believes is best for you. 

- Though he’s nimble and composed, he can be somewhat clumsy when it comes to caring for other people. Household duties like cleaning and cooking don’t come easily to him, although he picks up skills pretty easily and always has. But it does mean that at first, you’ll be eating burnt porridge (if you let him do the cooking, that is). 

- Sometimes his clumsiness brings a little more work, but his presence more than returns in spades the benefits and comfort of having him around. He’s soft and obliging when you’re in a tough spot. In his mind, he’s probably agreed to give you a break on his tricks and other more high-risk, high-adrenaline activities. 

- He’s happy to pet your head and hold your hands, offering as much physical affection as you’re comfortable with. He’s thin and small, but he’ll even playfully offer you a lap-pillow and patiently let you do as you like. He’s just as happy to let you do the touching and thoroughly enjoys your attention, even if he’s worried about you. 

- In some ways, his methods of caring for you are like that of a child’s or otherwise chaotic. He’ll offer you messily crafted construction paper cards with heart cut-outs and scribbled drawings in marker. It’s touching, and even if he doesn’t expect you to take the cards seriously, he’ll be happy if you like it. 

- He will bug you about going out on occasion. He’ll probably throw a fit and make it look like he’s just being selfish and wanting to go somewhere for fun, but really, he’s trying to get you to go somewhere he thinks might lift your spirits or give you a change of pace. After all, if he pesters you about going to a museum, he probably isn’t wanting to go there because he’s so interested in its exhibits.

- Kokichi is always thinking of you. He likes to go out now and then and come back with little gifts and souvenirs, some more unconventional than others, like a shiny rock or a penny that he found heads-up on the sidewalk. When your eyes light up or you offer a small smile, he feels relieved and is assured that he did the right thing leaving you alone for a bit so he could you bring something cool. 

- Overall, he’s not the most competent caretaker in terms of acts of service, and he hardly earns any points for being smooth about it, but his love for you is overwhelmingly strong and supports you in the way only he can. His intentions come from the heart, and he showers you with affection as much as possible–it’s what he’s best at, after all–and your hard days will pass by quickly with him around. 

Rantaro Amami

- Rantaro has had plenty of practice taking care of people, especially with all his time caring for his many younger sisters. That’s why it comes easily to him when he comes and finds you with his backpack of supplies, which has all kinds of items from when he took care of his sisters. You joke that it’s like Doraemon’s magical pocket, which produces any number of magical and useful items. 

- He’ll pull out supplies for making your favorite foods, which will offer great comfort to you when you’re in a difficult position. If you dig through his backpack, you’ll also find adorable and soft plushies, watercolor paints, a notebook, an mp3 player, and much more. He tells you you’re welcome to use whatever you’d like. 

- He’s gentle and not at all pushy. He take care of the chores and helps you with other tasks as needed with great patience. When you ask him how he can be so patient with you, he laughs and tells you it’s nothing compared to his sisters. 

- Now and then, he’ll suggest that the two of you take a little walk or venture out to somewhere pretty to see a sunset or such. If you’re okay with it, he’ll bring you out and walk while holding your hand, squeezing it slightly now and then. It’s a reminder of the warmth that lies in himself, and the warmth that lies in yourself, telling you that you’re here with him. 

- He’ll sometimes ask you if you want to talk about what’s keeping you in this darkness, and he encourages you whenever you’re doubtful or unsure. He’s a safe space for you, and always will be. But he’ll never demand answers. He also has a few things he’d rather keep to himself, after all. 

- He tends to treat you like his younger sisters, being the older brother that he is. He’ll comb your hair, put a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and give you short, tender hugs. 

- He likes to make little crafts like thread bracelets or pouches of fragrances, and he’ll gift them to you when he’s done. They’re little charms that will be a source of strength and remind you of his love, and when he’s not around, they’re a good replacement. Sometimes he even makes flower crowns or flower rings that he’ll reverently place on you and then proceed to tell you that you look absolutely magical. 

- Rantaro takes a very laidback and gentle approach to taking care of you and confronting you about what you’re feeling and doing. His kindness is like liquid warmth that embraces you whenever you’re feeling cold or down, and you’ll never feel lonely with him by your side. 

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Art of Conveyance and Round-Trippery' Liveblog!

Sorry this is a few days late!! I moved across the country this weekend, we drove like 13 hours within 2 days and we did a lot of heavy lifting. I'm exhausted, but the boxes are slowly emptying and I've been wanting to watch this episode so gd bad, so LESGO

Over halfway through the season!!!! That's absolutely surreal

1:11 oooh they're getting their royal fitting

1:22 LMAOO WTF 😂😂 Princess Diaries vibes

1:42 ✨CONFIDENCE✨

1:52 Alfonse is a perfect name for that guy HAHA

2:05 Nathaniel, my guy, you've made some points

2:11 "do you feel your power?" POWER RANGERS, GO

2:24 no no hesitation just prolly thinkin bout how he was caught cheatin

2:39 "can you not allow yourselves luxury?" okay fr I feel that I get Nice Things Guilt(tm) too easily

2:52 dayummmm let's talk about Sticky being a hat stall between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, mans is brave as fuck under extreme pressure and loyal to the point of putting himself on the line

3:15 bro Sticky getting some recognition. Love to see it, he deserves it

3:19 "is that a coincidence? Or written in the stars?" IS DR. CURTAIN CATCHING ON THAT THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BEFORE OR LIKEEEE

3:49 WHAT WORD AROUND CAMPUS 😭😭😭 MY BOYS ARE NOT A MISTAKE HOW DARE YOU

4:09 why doess the action of Dr. Curtain putting the sash on them seem so nefarious

4:36 I dont really understand the whole pastel yellow, blue, and pink palette of the school but the boys both look pretty okay in their vest-sash getup

4:42 THE OPENINGGGGG. This shit slaps.

5:41 Kate and Constance look so fucking cute in that shot, dont ask me why but hnnggggg

5:54 sash rope 😂😭 kate, honey, that's a reach

6:09 it might feel buttery, but, my guy, it also looks buttery. It's literally the color of butter. Get yourself some crisco

6:24 I find it kinda interesting that they made up new riddles for the show, I'm almost positive that that one wasn't in the book. Correct me if I'm wrong though

7:03 "I'm not gonna apologize for knowing things" the sass. the ✨confidence✨. living for it

7:03 If they build on that it sets Sticky up really nicely for the arc in the second book where he starts to show off a little

7:15 tiny Constance who is constantly dressed in pink with cute little braids is the perfect medium for the most morbid comments 😂😂

7:55 Martina's hot in her uniform. Can't prove me wrong.

8:15 why does that make me sad 🥺 eat with your friendssss. iirc they only talked about eating at the Messenger table in the books

8:26 dipshits forgot their lunches. Seems Constance is holding the communal braincell atm

8:50 anyone have Guiness on speed dial? Reynie and Sticky have a submission for them

9:25 oh hello this was alluded to in the preview!!! Morse code is compromised, rip

10:05 so are Jackson and Jillson stuck with night guard duty all the time?? They've been outside at night a lot

10:18 ahhhhhh the little blinkie light, stopppp

10:25 MILLIGANNNNN!!!

10:25 so is this the point where he starts staying on the island with them????

10:39 so are they just like "fuck it we'll do it right before sundown" ???? Like Jackson and Jillson are still gonna be on the lookout, they aren't gonna chill just because it's not fully dark

10:50 did the kids.....just not tell them that Mr. Bloom was on the island 😂 nice oversight guys

11:05 MADGE TIME MADGE TIME

11:05 remind me to tell you guys a story about Madge, I may or may not have done something irl a few years ago that would make y'all proud 😂😂😂

11:16 idk why but it makes me so happy that they kept Madge as a peregrine falcon

11:37 Rhonda, my love, you have my heart in your hands

11:46 roll credits

12:05 THE HEAD SHAKE HAHAHAH

12:06 Awww man, I was so excited for Milligan to be on the island .-. He must have been scoping out the inlet

12:07 "they're quite regal" A. I read the subtitles as "legal" the first time and that's somehow really in character for him, and B. IS MILLIGAN GOING TO NAME HER???!? HER MAJESTY???? PLEASE I WOULD LOVE THAT SO MUCH

12:15 his grimace KILLS ME

12:17 the hard cut from Nicholas in a brown setting and brown suit to Nathaniel in a blue setting and blue suit was lowkey striking

12:36 are they looking up Morse code 😳 can you imagine if they wrote down the message and are now decoding it

12:41 omfg all that for a HAT 🙃 I feel stupid

12:51 two things: 1. Those walls are atrocious, and 2. Yeah, talk about Morse code in a louder voice Connie girl, you're just in a public hallway

13:03 I'm sorry but those orange pillar things are not the vibe

13:03 the golden gate bridge called, they want their arches back

13:10 please let Kate climb the tower before the end of season 1. please.

13:22 y'all are about to be flying something else 😎

13:33 cleansing breaths

13:47 OH HELLO MESSENGER DUTY ALREADY??

14:06 what the heck is that teal pole for 😭😭

14:12 blindfold timeeee

I'm so sorry but I'm exhausted, it's 11:30 pm on Sunday night right now, I'll finish this episode tomorrow morning after I get some sleepies

~~

Good morningggg lesgetatit

14:50 "vomit of metal" ashhdjdjd

15:16 a wild Martina appears!

15:36 and if you folks look to your left, you'll see a wild Constance being the voice of reason once again

15:57 "lose the bucket" "I'm not gonna do that" HELL YEAH KATE

16:07 I get not having the bucket on the court lolol, I thought Martina was telling Kate to lose the bucket in general. Like, yeah, good luck convincing her to so that

16:35 show!Kate is much angrier than book!Kate and I'm still deciding how I feel about that. The Kate we've known from the books is a sunshine baby with looots of repressed trauma.

17:03 ......what is that. why is that.

17:11 WAIT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE REYNIE AHEHDJDJD

17:15 HI MADGE

17:41 the grand swell in the music makes me think it's going to go comically wrong

17:51 she's majestic because she's a queen 🥺

18:03 LMAO CALLED IT

18:14 Rhonda and Number Two getting at each other is such a sisterly thing to do 😂😂😂

18:37 ohhhhh? Someone's approaching? Miss Perumal perhaps????

18:45 YEAHHHHH BABY

18:50 PROTECTIVE MOM COMIN IN HOT!!!

19:22 THEYRE SO PRECIOUS 😭😭😭😭 I feel like I've been subconsciously starved for her and Mr. Benedict's interactions

19:36 died at that line in the one trailer

20:00 so Miss Perumal pulled a Sherlock Holmes. Love that for her

20:20 Cheri Tupintown??? Of all the aliases they could pick, Cheri Tupintown???

20:33 "Power in Truth Inc" that HAS to be something Rhonda came up with

21:01 you can literally watch Mr. Benedict realize that this is a woman not to be fucked with and he is CORRECT

21:23 "he's fine. Perfectly fine." At this, Mr. Benedict's pants caught aflame.

21:52 something about Constance sitting in on practice!!! It scratches an itch!!!!

22:19 "incorporate the helix. Live in the helix." Lord Helix is pleased with this offering.

22:26 so what I'm hearing is Kate is going to blow up on Constance for messing with the bucket

23:13 unrelated but Jillson'a shoes are cute

23:29 why does this room give off Johnny Depp's willy wonka vibes

24:13 that looks like a chair from a doctor's office waiting room 😭

25:29 they do be egg heads tho

26:02 baby girl, I have no idea why you're crying at weird art but let me dry your tears 🥺🥺

26:50 SHE FOUND ITTTT

27:27 okay Indiana Jones, go off

27:46 why did that kinda sound like Miss Perumal

28:43 the return of everyone's favorite, "enjoyable"

29:05 not that I'm not loving the ice breaker questions and the one-sided conversation, but I'm not loving it

29:22 oh so we're getting right into it aren't we

29:54 his eyes being open again makes this infinitely creepier

30:36 "where's your proof?" Miss Perumal doesnt fuck around!!!

31:29 you're telling me Constance has been there all day?? And Kate went to find her???? 🥺

31:58 oh so we're getting right to it then?? Kate addressing her independence and trust issues arc????

33:29 NEWS!!!!

33:49 CONSTANCE RIDING PIGGYBACK!!!!!!

34:04 okay, so they opened the murder hole, what are they gonna do now

34:59 Italian? 🤨 m'sir that is so fancy

34:59 fun story I learned Italian diction in college, so I know a little bit

35:16 "take your time" the whisperer says, immediately repeating the prompt to get the answer sooner

35:31 theeeeere it is

35:46 SOMETHING ABOUT THE WHISPERER SAYING "YOU ARE HOME" 😭😭😭 the show really played up the cult shit!!

36:02 Kate being protective of Constance 🥺

36:20 ohhh shit is it time for Connie girl to have double Reynie? Double Sticky?

36:36 STICKY

36:52 "what kind of nonsense?" HAVE THEY NOT ASKED THAT BEFORE THIS?????

37:14 "and your tiny brain can somehow pick it up!!" KATE STOP 😂😂😂

37:16 "I knew you had to be special in some way." WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

37:51 she's right, this is disregard for their safety. The show made Mr. Benedict and his team a lot more back-alley and dishonest, and Miss Perumal has every reason to be pissed

38:30 oh good they finally remembered he has narcolepsy

39:38 and the best mom award goes to:

40:38 I was gonna say that this hallway is how I imagined the KEEP in riddle of ages but then I remembered that (spoilers) the Institute is the KEEP

40:46 oh, hello propoganda

41:10 that's the other person Rhonda couldn't contact, along with Mr. Bloom. This has to be the brainsweeping process

41:22 yeppppp

41:44 this dark doctor's office theme gives me horror movie vibes

42:22 ohhhh, so that's how they replaced that scene where the four of them jump in a crate to hide and Sticky drops his glasses in the open

42:47 and so we've come to the part of the story where Sticky and Reynie become infinitely more conflicted

42:47 and since we've reached that point..... can we have the white knight scene? Pretty please? Please Disney I'm begging you-

43:12 so Reynie just figured that out without Constance? :/

44:03 love the manipulation

44:31 I'm sorry, the farm?

44:35 farm and forest????

45:16 "the Emergency has served its purpose" 😳 well okay then murder man

45:39 "one thought, one purpose" the hive mind rises once more

45:48 LOVE THE MANIPULATION

46:07 "what have you done to earn anyone's trust?" VALID

46:26 "please do!" WHY AM I EMOTIONAL

47:06 "we still have the falcon" that you do 😂

47:19 AYYY HERE WE GO!!! Time for Milligan to stay on the island??

47:49 ohhhh Constance, casual telepath strikes again

48:16 "stop it, Kate!" OOOOHHHHH

48:53 that line ("it would be nice to be unburdened") would be funny as shit if not for the fact that Constance is a telepath unbeknownst to herself and can both subconsciously perceive people's thoughts and hear the subliminal messages

49:20 HI MRS. PERUMAL!!!

49:25 wow, she's really going through with it 😳 not that I doubted her, but still, that's dedication

49:39 OH SHIT

50:17 oh, so he's an asshole to SQ too. Got it. Torches and pitchforks? Ready to kick his ass?

50:40 "for the moment, anyway" FUCKIN WHAT

This episode was really good!!! They covered a LOT. I hope Miss Perumal comes back to the group and talks about her findings, I hope Milligan goes to get the kids and they tell him no, and I hope they get that classic 4-person Society brainstorming and binding time that hits that sweet spot

[paintedlight]

Supernatural Season 15 & Sufjan Stevens' “The Ascension”

Teaser: there’s a song on this album called "Die Happy” where the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” for 5 minutes and 45 seconds. yeah. yeah.

Disclaimer: yes it’s all a stretch and I’m overthinking it but also… am I? (yes) 

long post time! know that reading ahead may hurt you and yes it does get worse the further down the track list you get 💕 have fun kids

So just to start off, I think it’s funny that something Sufjan’s discography & Supernatural have in common is the 15+ years of the internet arguing if it’s gay or not, and the answer ending up being yes. PLUS there’s the obvious connection of American mythos + mythology + calvinist themes (I am hissing) + religious trauma prevalent in both. 

If you’re a fan of both like I am, it’s easy to connect them— notable connections being songs like “John My Beloved” and “The Owl and the Tanager” or even “John Wayne Gacy Jr.”, but I’m going to focus on Sufjan's 2020 album, “The Ascension” since even the arc itself seems so connected to season 15 of Supernatural, specifically. 

At least in my head it does <3 enjoy 

MAKE ME AN OFFER I CANNOT REFUSE

When interviewed about the meaning of this track, Sufjan explains that this song is about asking God, “what do you have to say for humanity?” That it’s about desperation, creation, and devastation. It’s about frustration with divinity. Also the vibes are 10/10. Need I say more 

RUN AWAY WITH ME

This song is beautiful, it makes me want to sit in some grass and stare at the sky. 

Some lines that make me Dean/Cas crazy are the two lines in verse 1 and verse 2 that mirror each other by being in the same place melodically:

Verse 1: they will terrorize us / with new confusion / with the fear of life that seeks to bring despair within

Verse 2: I will bring you life / a new communion / with a paradise that brings the truth to light within

Yeahhh so the words “Despair” and “The Truth” were mirrored in this song yes it was coincidental yes I’m clinging to it. It fascinates me 

But this song is about begging someone to stay with you.

sweet falling remedy / come run away with me / you’re all I ever need

VIDEO GAME

My first thought when I heard this song was about how it was such a song for enneagram 4s. If you don’t know what that means, I think Dean is a 4 and wrote a post about it here. 

AND @trapperjohnmcintyre also made the connection between these lyrics and Dean in this post, and honestly I don’t need to say much more than that??

The song is about feeling paranoid and angry that God is controlling your every move and you can’t escape it (aka hating the doctrine of predestination). Of course it’s also about not wanting to follow societal scripts. 

You just want to have an easier life instead of the weight of good and evil resting on your back!!!

I don’t want to put the devil on a pedestal / I don’t want put the saints in chains / I just want to make my life a little easier / I don’t want to play your video game

Also these painful lines, as a treat: 

I don’t want to love you if you don’t receive it / I don’t want to save the world that way

Oh, I almost forgot, also. At the end, the narrator gives up. He’s like well I guess I can’t escape. Gotta follow the procedure. Gotta be a puppet.

I don’t want it to go down that way / but in a way you gotta follow the procedure / so go ahead and play your video game

  LAMENTATIONS

I don’t have much to say about this one but this line always makes my heart ache idk:

I was only thinking of human kindness

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

Here we gooooooo. Y’all aren’t ready.

Thesis: Tell me you love me despite the primordial darkness about to overtake me. And even if you don’t, I’m going to love you. 

15x18 Despair anyone?? 

I want to just paste the whole song but, here—

DIE HAPPY

Yep, "Die Happy" immediately follows "Tell Me You Love Me." Yes, the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” over and over for almost 6 minutes. 

First of all, the repetition mirrors the end of the song Fourth of July, from Sufjan’s previous album Carrie & Lowell, where Sufjan sings “we’re all gonna die” over and over.

Parallels, baby.

But I noticed something else about this recently though— in Die Happy, if you are listening to it in your headphones, there’s this weird sound that sounds like a wasp flying around your head (it made me uncomfortable which is why I noticed it, haha). After I felt unnerved for a moment, I had a realization— that this could be referencing one of Sufjan’s most beloved songs, “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!!” (yes that’s a real song title lol)

The Predatory Wasp is about how Sufjan fell in love with his best friend at the Bible Camp he went to as a teenager. The wasp is a metaphor for internalized homophobia and also his love and how he fears his love will hurt the boy he’s in love with. 

So, Die Happy references an iconic song from Illinois (2005) with these notable lines:

Tl;dr: 

I want to die happy vs. I can’t explain the state that I’m in / the state of my heart / he was my best friend

Here’s an Despair photoset with Predatory Wasp lyrics via @toneelspeelster. 

ATIVAN

So your best friend has just died happy by being in love with you. You feel like the primordial darkness is on YOU now:

I woke up in stereo—I spent the day in vertigo / I could not get the spirit off my back

You’re once again tossed in the waves of thinking that God is fucking with you. But either way you just want to be tranquilized at this point. 

Is it all for something? Is it all part of a plan / tranquilize me, sanitize me, Ativan

Is it all for nothing? Is it all part of a plan? / make my death wish, mind my business / do the best I can with what I am

Ativan asks, was the true leading woman all this time… substance abuse?? 

Ativan / my leading woman

Long story short, you’re drunk on communion wine, asking the shadows to come back.

fill me with the blood of Jesus / clean my plate 'til he receives us / separate the colors from the black / ... / tell the shadows near us to come back

 URSA MAJOR & LANDSLIDE

Not a lot to say about this (even though I love these songs) so I’m gonna skip mostly, but the narrator has decided he wants to love you, he can’t help it <3 

GILGAMESH

Oh boy. 

I mean you kinda know what’s coming because of the title. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s oldest piece of epic world literature, and Gilgamesh was “the first hero of human history.” 

In the world’s oldest story, The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Enkidu are “very close friends” (their relationship is very homoerotic and this is barely disputed). Gilgamesh calls Enkidu his brother, and they are mutually selfless towards each other but when Enkidu dies, indirectly because of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh has a breakdown and mourns him like that of a spouse and then has to come to terms with his own mortality. 

The meta level of this is so obvious I’m not even going to go into it. Anyways… here are lyrics that make me want to scream! 

the repetition of “my heart”... the concept of singing a eulogy.... saying your heart is chained to Your Angel............ it hurts

DEATH STAR

Star Wars reference my beloved. Like many of these songs this has Fuck You God energy.

what you call the human race / expedite the judgement day / it’s your own damn head on that plate

vandalize what you create / ... / witness me resist your fate / it’s your own damn head on that plate

 GOODBYE TO ALL THAT

This song is a bop honestly 

When the lyrics were released a bunch of Sufjan fans contrasted Goodbye To All That’s here I am alone in my car / hopelessly infatuted / and I’m driving to wherever you are to Sufjan & Moses Sumney’s song, “Make Out in My Car”.

Yeah, I know, we’re all thinking of this:

Make Out in My Car is basically where Moses gave Sufjan a horny car guy chorus and told him to write the verses, and Sufjan proceeded to write the most liturgical shit ever (and we love him for it). ANYWAYS… Goodbye To All That also reminds me of Dean’s depression and the weirdness that started in 15x19 and goes into 15x20. For some reason he makes it seem more upbeat and happy than it is...

Despite this song being a bop, the lyrics are depressing. He’s alone in his car. He’s hopeless. He realizes it’s too late to have died a young man. 

He’s going to try to move on, even though nothing is left of him, he’s begging someone to turn around and show me his shadow.

He also references substance abuse again—

love me / and leave me / intoxicated

  SUGAR

The music video? Iconic. The mom of a family is making a pie, or she’s trying to. She ends up rubbing the filling all over her face, crushing the fruits, the oven catches on fire. 

But she does it! She makes the pie. 

Meanwhile the other family members are in their rooms, overindulging in sugar in all its forms. And then as she and her family eat around a dining table, occassionally being seemingly marrioetted by some unseen force, she looks angrily over her family, they all seem to kind of lose it, then the house starts to come apart until the chandelier falls on the dinner table. 

It’s the making pie + overindulgence in sugar + marionetted family metaphors for me ❤️ 

Ultimately, the song is about begging for affection, being desperate for domesticity, but you feel doomed, you feel like your defeat is predestined, that you can’t escape it.

You just don’t want to be heartbroken & you don’t want to be angry anymore!!!!

  THE ASCENSION

So you may be asking… does this guy get the domesticity he’s longing for?? Does he get his love back?? 

No. He dies. :/

The Ascension begins with just that. He’s dying.

THEN Sufjan decides to rhyme “confess” with “confess”, in two lines that mean almost opposite things:

When I am dead / and the light leaves my breast / nothing to be told / nothing to confess / let the record show / what I couldn’t quite confess

So does this guy have something to confess or not??? 👀

Moving on… 

He goes back to thinking about how his life was predestined all along, and now after all that, he’s dying. So he thinks about all the times he was kind of like this Mythological Icon. That he always had to be the one to show what was right, to lead by example. That that had been his entire identity. 

And he realizes he needs to answer for himself. 

Then he is frightened— realizing he was always asking what everything meant, what it all was for, but that all along he was just angry and depressed.

But even though he feels a like he should have just resigned himself to meaninglessness, that he only thought he could change the world for the better… it strengthened him to know the truth.

And even through the absolute shit of it all, and even though God & others did things from a place of so-called holiness and hopelessness...

He did everything out of love ❤️

So then he dies 🙃

AMERICA

So, as the end of The Ascension asked, what now? 

The album ends on this long track, which Sufjan describes as a protest against all that America has been and has become. 

It’s a protest against capitalism, of destroying humanity for the sake of some cold machinery. 

I have worshipped / I believed / I have broke your bread / for a splendor of machinery

And in true Sufjan fashion, he makes this song about protesting somehow both horny and religious, god bless

I have loved you / like a dream / I have kissed your lips / like a Judas in heat

I have worshipped / I have cried / I have put my hands in the wounds on your side / I have tasted of your blood / I have choked on the waters / I abated the flood / I am broken / I am beat / but I will find my way / like a Judas in heat

I am fortune / I am free / I’m like a fever of light / in the land of opportunity / don’t do to me / what you did to America / don’t do to me / what you do to yourself

  to finish out, here’s a DeanCas post by @eggcessive with lyrics from America ❤️ I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY WEBWEAVING :)

[coweggomelet]

volume 6 lads

from what i remember this one is similar to 4 in that it gives us a bit of an emotional break

don’t get me wrong i know there’s some stuff but i think overall it’s a little less intense

- ahhhh they’re all fighting together againnn it feels so right

- hey. hey yang and blake. i’m gonna need you to stop. cause my little heart can’t take it

- this dude really was challenged once and had a full blown murder tantrum. that’s fragility my guy

- ruby is SO CUTE look at her little happy face

- oh yeah. take a train. you guys have a great track record with trains

- i also keep getting like three versions of the same ad about getting vaccinated and it’s got all these workers from tv & movie sets and it’s so awkward this one guy looks so annoyed during his whole part

- it’s not just the turrets y’all oz is withholding shit once again

- don’t fuckin shove my boy!!

- i love that qrow immediately steps back when ruby comes forward. like he 100% respects not only her authority as a team leader but also her ability to solve situations and talk to people. he knows man. he knows his niece is something else

- MARIAAAAA MY GIRLL YES

- uh oh the train crashed. who could’ve seen that coming

- cinder really is just too angry and spite filled to die isn’t she

- hehe maria you’re funny

- it’s so funny that oz is still refusing to tell them everything knowing that everything is revealed in the next episode

- oh oz. i know he was your friend. but all these kids saw was the insane amount of harm and death he caused. trying to defend him to them is not gonna go well

- oscaarrr i love you!! you’re so good!!

- oooo chills

- uuugghh i love jinn she’s so cool

- oz. my dude. the ship has sailed. you can’t stop this anymore

- this, my friends, is what we call a lore episode

- this whole sequence gives me chills it’s so gooood

- eurgh i hate how the god of darkness moves like i get it it’s part of the aesthetic but you really don’t need to do that it’s creepy

- salem was so smart to use a super powerful sibling rivalry to get what she wanted

- she really didn’t deserve to watch the love of her live just get revived and killed over and over again

- jeez the gods are assholes. they’re all oooohh maintain balance and then they torture a woman who just wanted her husband back by making her live forever. for what??? for daring to be smart?? ugh

- c’mon gods you gotta respect the hustle

- you think that making someone immortal will make them realize the importance of life and death?? idiots

- god her face

- she’s so smart what the FUCK

- “the hearts of men are easily swayed” really reminds me of galadriel’s “the hearts of men are easily corrupted” in lotr

- a couple hundred humans attack them and the god of darkness decides “you know what? i’m gonna eliminate all of humanity. that feels like the right choice. yeah. i feel good about this.”

- the fact that salem wasn’t even like… a real villain until she tried to kill herself in order to escape her torture and suffering and the grimm juice made her Big Mad

- like it wasn’t even her, it was the grimm juice. i really do believe that without that she wouldn’t have become salem the Villain

- i’m sorry i don’t know a ‘deathly hallows’ i only know the relics

- ohhh fuck i forgot about this!!! oh rwby’s totally gonna end with the gods judging humanity when the relics are brought together. maybe not end end but it’s definitely gonna be close to the end and it’ll be a Big Thing where they strategize about how to convince the gods that humanity is good

- obviously the first maidens weren’t their kids but boy is there a theme going on here. and maybe even something plot relevant cause their kids could do magic

- all the main characters being able to witness this and us seeing their reactions is such a good touch like god, the impact of this reality is so much heavier because we get to see the characters actually affected by it react to watching it unfold before them

- ohhh my boy. you didn’t deserve this burden before but now that you know fully what it means you really don’t deserve it. i mean look at him!!!

- oh qrow!!! you are doing good! i mean i get it, your whole world’s been shattered and the man you gave your life to lied to you about a lot of important shit but you are doing good i promise!!

- fuck yeah maria use your sassy wise old lady authority

- oh god emerald you poor thing you’re just a babey— oh god i felt salem’s hand on emerald’s shoulder fuck dude this show is so effective

- truly, this is a master class in manipulation

- uh oh salem your ex is back

- UH OH ITS THE FARM RUN YALL

- i like that weiss is wearing what looks like very thin tights, a strapless dress, a lil jacket thing, and the animators said “here she’s got a scarf she’s warm now”

- ruby didn’t kill torchwood y’all, he got chomped. like a lil bitch

- oh god this episode

- yaaaayyy

- before this episode my friend went “you ready for some horror?” and was grinning

- oh yeeeaaah the corpses. lovely

- god as soon as they opened the door to where the cellar entrance is it immediately started affecting weiss

- oh the DOOR nope no thank you get the fuck OUT

- watching this show with my friend was also the origin of me being sad cause this shit is sad and her going “oh i’m having a great time” and this episode in particular she was enjoying herself WAY TOO MUCH if you ask me

- little jump scares kept getting me and she LAUGHED and said “that got you?!?” YES it DID i’m a WUSS

- oh the journals!!! the way they incorporated that was so interesting and added SUCH good creepiness and suspense without giving it all away or ramping it up too fast

- ruby’s so good i love her!!

- uuugghh it’s getting them already how haven’t they noticed???

- the eyes got me good the first time

- their weird fuckin attitudes were the creepiest part of this episode

- ruby said not my friends you bitches

- mariaaaa i love you you’re so smart

- god when they’re reading from the journal at the very end…

- neo’s so tiny!!

- talk about some girlbosses 

- MARIAAAAA YOURE SUCH A BADASS i love her backstory

- love her outfit too

- OOOO THE FUCKIN CROCODILE CLOCK LADY ooooo this is so cooooool

- the ticking!!!!

- oh maria you poor thing. but also you’re so smart like that was such a good move

- aww haha qrow’s a fan. awww he based his weapon off hers!! we love a fanboy

- “i wanted to be as good as the grimm reaper.” “well, im nothing but a disappointment, so you’re well on your way” DAMN MARIA SAVAGE

- oh nice they made to argus! NOW SHOW ME THE BABY

- “CUTE BOY OZ” me too nora

- THE BAAAABBYYYY

- and jaune’s sister and her wife!! I LOVE THEIR GAY LIL FAMILY

- yang is good with kids. marry me

- YOURE GODDAMN RIGHT THATS A BABY AND I LOVE HIM

- HUN!! god i love saph and terra

- “shut up there’s food!” heh me too ruby

- aahhh cordo

- she and maria are totally exes who had a bad breakup and now they hate each other. a tenzin/lin situation if you will

- jaune… my boy… i know you’re angry but oscar is really trying his best

- “i don’t know anything” me neither ruby

- wait cinder didn’t have her grimm arm yet so how did ruby’s ability trigger?

- uh oh my boy’s missing

- remember when you were having fun being the bad guy emerald. remember that. it’s almost like… it was only fun for you cause cinder was there

- it makes me so sad that not only did emerald actually believe that cinder cared about her, but she actually considered cinder family and her emotional health was so connected to cinder being there

- “all you ever learned was pain and violence and now you’re too afraid to leave it” tyrian excuse me i’m the one with the commentary and analysis that’s rude stay in your lane

- oh god oh fuck. the pyrrha statue is comin up isn’t it

- AH FUCK THE LEAF

- oh there she is. my love

- i still wanna know who this lady is. like she’s even the same voice actor as pyrrha. and she’s got red hair. i don’t think pyrrha ever talked about family members, but my money’s on her mom

- this moment fuckin got me dude. i was doing the full tearing up, lil sniffles, choked up thing. uuuuggghh

- god they love each other so much

- i am NOT gonna cry again

- oh qrow. you poor thing

- THE BABYYYY HI ADRIAN DO YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU

- young man!! you scared us half to death! do you know what time it is??

- his lil outfit i i looovveee hiiimm

- oscarrr!! you’re so sweet!!

- THE CASSEROLE

- FUCK YEAH RUBY TELL HIM

- qrow’s like… damn. ruby’s right

- here we goooo infiltration time

- oh FUCK yeah they kill adam soon

- adrian what a smart babyyyy i love youu

- hehehehehe maria is luggage

- honestly this is such a good plan it just goes to shit cause these kids can’t catch a fuckin break

- y’all need. to stop. looking. at each other. like that.

- qrow stop being emo

- mariaaaa i love youuuu you’re such a great old lady

- uh ohhhh problems with blake

- i would love it if they used qrow’s semblance strategically. like in some sort of heist/infiltration situation, sending him behind enemy lines to fuck up their luck

- ruby’s so good at speeches

- depressed? feeling bad about yourself? feeling emo and riddled with guilt? just get a Ruby Speech(TM) and you'll be cured!

- qrow’s face

- oh yeaaaahhh big metal guy

- cordo

- hey cordo

- are you uh

- maybe takin it a lil too far

- why are so many atlas military people so fuckin intense with maintaining order and big shows of power and controlling other people???

- ADAM YOU BITCH YOURE GONNA DIE

- yeah you’re a source of trauma for her but GUESS WHAT SHE HAS A SUPPORT SYSTEM

- at this point dude it’s real pathetic how obsessed with blake you are

- thank god for auras or falling damage would be a much bigger problem

- cordo can you maybe chill

- weiss earthbended!!

- jaune you’re so smart

- ren said things may be complicated but boy oh boy do i care about that strong lightning lady

- “rightfully in charge??” shut up cordo and go be gay with maria

- noooo her fun coat!!

- oooo Dramatic waterfalls

- YES BITCH IM SO PROUD OF YOU YOUVE LEARNED SO MUCH

- adam i’ll kill you

- YEEEAHHHH WHAT AN ENTRANCE YANG MARRY MEEEE

- aaaaggghh the music holy shit

- i love how the fight scenes progress through the volumes it’s so cool

- the parallels between yang and adam are also really interesting. like their semblances, their tendency to lead with strong emotions. interesting

- ooooo he doesn’t like when they look at each other hehehehehe SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW BITCH HAHA

- HOLDING HAANDSSS THEYRE SO GAY

- he’s so basic too. like he looks like a frat boy.

- y’all do your jobs. there’s a big water boy coming but you don’t know cause you’re too busy being goddamn bootlickers

- oscar is so smart and ruby is so brave i love themmm

- uh oh cordo it’s a ruby speech watch out

- ya she is nuts

- THEYRE GONNA WIN CAUSE THEYRE IN LOVE

- ya but you’re a bitch adam and yang is fuckin amazing

- I LOVE THIS FIGHTTTT

- yeet the blake

- FUCK YEAH YANG GET HIM

- i fucking love that they killl him with the pieces of blake’s weapon. like there’s something to that. they kill him with the pieces of a thing he destroyed

- if he wasn’t dead enough he got crunched too

- I LOVE THEM

- hahahahaaaaa cordo they got you

- yeah cordo!!! argus is danger cause you were more worried about fucking “proving the might of atlas” or whatever against some teenagers you fool

- ohhhh shiiiittt cinder’s atlas outfit!! they’re going to a super cold snowy place and cinder said you know what i should wear short shorts and a sleeveless top with super tall boots and a lil cape. that’ll work. and she’s right. it does. have i mentioned i love cinder?

- uh oh big boy swims watch out

- cordo shut up this your own fuckin hubris

- god cordo’s desperation is so heartbreaking

- when are people gonna learn to trust ruby and her friends man

- their willingness to keep fighting and risk their lives and also a Ruby Speech(TM) made cordo believe in them which i love

- i love jinn she likes lil ruby and her friends

- hi summerrrr

- cordoooo i’m so proud of you. she gave up part of this insane symbol of atlas’s power to help ruby and her friends. like she put aside her own ego and i’m so proud of her

- fuck yeah!!!

- awww such a good uncle

- damnnn atlas is gorgeous

- even mercury is terrified by salem’s weird grimm shit

- the fuckin wicked witch with her flying gorillas

[bondsmagii]

statement regarding the sudden disappearance of all my childhood memories and subsequent photos, gradually, over the course of four years

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Jasmine Harper, regarding the disappearance of all childhood memories and photographs over the course of four years. Original statement given July 21, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I can’t really remember when it was that I noticed. It was a gradual thing, but at the same time it felt so sudden… like I woke up one morning and they were all gone, or at least most of them were. But I know that isn’t what happened at all, is it? The more I think about it, the more I realise that I began to forget years and years before I realised something was truly wrong. I thought it was normal, you know? I thought it was just part of getting older. I mean, how many of us get out of university able to recall the full names of everyone in our first primary school class? I took Psychology for one of my A-Levels, actually, and when we did our module on memory that was one of the tests. I must have been able seventeen then, so it was before I noticed this happening. We had to take a sheet of paper and write down every full name we could remember from our first primary school class. I won by a landslide, and I had five names. Only five names! But that’s the thing – I used to have such a good memory when it came to my childhood. That’s why I can’t understand what’s happening.

I had a good childhood. This isn’t any childhood trauma or anything like that. I mean, there were some nasty moments in it, like any childhood is prone to have – I had a problem with bullies when I first started high school, nothing out of the ordinary but you know how cruel kids can be, and when you’re that age it sticks with you. My parents divorced when I was fourteen, but there was nothing specifically traumatic about that. It sucked, and I was sad to see them sad, but they remained civil through the whole thing and actually got on better afterwards, so it wasn’t like there were screaming matches or anything. They were careful to keep my brother and I updated on everything, which I was thankful for. It was nice, that they didn’t do what a lot of parents seem to do – treat us like small children, and not young adults who would also be affected by the situation. If I ever get a divorce, I hope to god it’s as pleasant as my parents’ was. There’s nothing in my childhood that I can pinpoint that might have caused this, and that seems to be a common cause of forgetting, at least – trauma, mental illness, something like that. I’ve… struggled with depression sometimes, but never anything that I didn’t get under control with the right combination of things. Really, I’m a completely normal, average person. There’s nothing that could have caused this at all. I’ve been to doctors, I’ve had brain scans, I was worried it was some kind of tumour or stroke, but no. Nothing. I’m perfectly healthy, but I don’t feel it.

As I said, it began gradually. I realised I was forgetting things; small things. The address of the house I lived in until I was five. Old phone numbers. The last names of childhood friends. Some of my teachers’ names. None of it was unusual. I’m pretty sure everyone forgets those things, so I wasn’t worried at all. A little annoyed sometimes, because it really felt like getting old, or I couldn’t randomly look somebody up on Facebook to see how they were doing or something, but really it wasn’t unusual at all. It was only when I started forgetting bigger things that I began to grow concerned. I mean, this was stuff that I shouldn’t forget at all, or that was relatively recent. I know for most people, childhood probably means when they were a smaller child; before they hit their teenage years, perhaps. Well, this seems to be taking the legal definition of child as its guide, because I found myself forgetting things that happened when I was sixteen, seventeen years old. I mean, that’s not that long ago! That’s not even ten years ago! I began to forget huge chunks of time; before I knew it I couldn’t recall my earliest memories, and then I couldn’t recall anything from primary school. It’s just blank, like trying to think about what was there before I was born. Still I told myself it wasn’t that much to worry about, but then it began creeping up and up, and back then I still had the photographs. I could look through photo albums or friends’ Facebook pages and see what I was forgetting: a birthday party at Alton Towers when we were eleven, the school ski trip to Italy when we were fourteen, our school’s knock-off idea of an American prom when we were seventeen. There I am, in all of the pictures, grinning and present and definitely there. But I can’t remember a thing about the day at all!

I finally accepted something was terribly wrong at my aunt’s wedding. She was getting married pretty later on in life because she was kind of wild as a young adult, didn’t want to settle down or anything. Everyone was fond of her – she always had the most interesting stories and she’s just a lot of fun to be around – and so the whole family was there to see her get married: all the surviving grandparents, great aunts and uncles, cousins, partners, friends, kids, even the dogs were invited. It was a beautiful summer day and everyone was having so much fun and I know this sounds stupid but I feel so mad that this had to happen on that day of all days, because nothing bad is supposed to happen at a wedding, right? Well, everything was fine until late into the reception, and we were all a little drunk but not overly so. I was sitting with my mum and brother at a table with some cousins and my aunt and her new wife, and we were all reminiscing about other crazy family parties and stuff. I was talking about my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, that happened when I was twelve or thirteen. I was telling some story – of course I can’t even remember what it was now, but it was something about me and my brother and the cousins that were at the table with us, and I was talking about it just fine and then, literally mid-sentence, I forgot it. Not just what we were doing, but the whole event. I didn’t even know I was talking about the anniversary until my brother prompted me, and then it was just blank. My brother and cousins all picked up the story and I laughed along and played it up like I’d had a little too much wine, you know, haha, but I mean it when I say it was gone. And not only that – it felt taken from me. It felt as though somebody had reached into my head and just… plucked the memory right out.

It bothered me so much that I went to visit my mum shortly afterwards. We sat down and had a few cups of tea and eventually I worked up the courage to ask if I could root around in the photo albums, saying that the wedding had reminded me of a few things I wanted to look at again – ironic, I know. Mum was of course down to get out all the albums – she never went digital, she doesn’t like not having physical albums to look through – so we dragged a bunch of them down and sat around the table to look. The first one was normal, just a family holiday to Florida when I was sixteen, but as we started going through the older albums I noticed there were pictures of me missing that I know for a fact existed. They were just gone, and then there were others where I knew I should be there but I wasn’t. And Mum didn’t think anything was strange! There was one picture, I remember it so clearly because we almost got into a big fight about it, and it was of my brother dressed as Spider Man on Halloween. I distinctly remember that night because I was dressed as the Pink Power Ranger and the costume was uncomfortable as hell, so I know I was there. I know I was in that picture, because it was such a ridiculous picture, the two of us in full bodied costumes like that, and I finally mentioned to my mum that I should be in there. Not aggressively or anything, just oh, I could have sworn I was in that one!, and she denied it and I insisted and she kept saying no, she was sure it was just George in that picture, but then I pointed out that George had his arm out in mid-air like it should be around someone. It was clearly around my shoulders. The height was right, his fingers were slightly curled like they were pressing in to my arm. Mum just looked for a moment, and I thought, briefly, that she might finally see it – but then she just said George was doing a Spider Man pose, like shooting a web from his wrist or something, and I just… I don’t even know. I just felt so hopeless, I almost cried. I was sure, so sure! Mum’s always taken photos, even now – every holiday, every event, even just going over for Sunday dinner. She’s told me several times I loved being in front of the camera as a kid, so I know there must have been way more pictures of me than that. Mum just didn’t get what I was on about, though, so I gave up in the end. There was no use fighting. What could I say?

Well, that was when I went to the doctor. I’ve already outlined how useless that was. Nothing wrong with me at all, apparently, but I’m sure most of them weren’t really taking me seriously. I was told it couldn’t be all my memories, and that photographs didn’t just vanish. I was seconds away from getting referred to a psychiatrist when I decided I would be better off shutting up about it. I’m not—I don’t think this is mental illness. I’ve looked it up so many times and I’ve read about people being delusional, you know, not believing they’re the ones in the picture, or that other people in the picture have been replaced, but that’s not what’s happening here. I haven’t read anything about like what’s happening to me. Nobody is out there saying they’re forgetting their entire childhood, birth to eighteen, and the pictures are vanishing along with it. There is something else going on here but I don’t know what. I’ve never done anything to deserve this, I’ve never messed around with anything I shouldn’t. If this is something like—like what you people investigate, I do not know when I would have come across it. I don’t even know what I mean by this. It seems ridiculous to even consider that it could be a ghost, or a curse, or—or God knows what.

A few weeks after this I went to Mum’s again, and one of the photo albums was still out. I looked through it and I was gone from every single picture. I was not there at all. Even the ones I saw only recently, I was gone from them. Just George on his own, and in the spaces where pictures of just me should be, other photos had replaced them. Just scenery shots, or views from the hotel balcony, or Christmas decorations and piles of presents, or spreads of holiday food. Nothing Mum would put in there herself. She likes to preserve the details, but her albums are for people. Her photos in the albums always have people or pets in them. I showed her, pretending it was just out of interest, but she seemed to not know what I meant. “I’ve always accessorised”, was what she said. Something about context, making it a pretty spread, keeping all the themes together. I don’t know. It was nothing that Mum would say, anyway. She was always so militant about it – at least up until recently.

I walked around the house a bit and of course I was gone from the rest of the pictures, too. My school photos were all gone, and all the framed pictures on bedside tables or shelves showed just my brother, or more scenery. There was one picture of the rose bush in the garden and I knew for a fact I was supposed to be standing in front of it, because it was my prom picture and I was wearing a dress the exact same shade of red as the roses, and Mum wanted to get a picture of me standing in front of it to show off the perfect colour match. There was just the rose bush, and even when I picked up the frame and looked closely at the picture, I could see no signs that it had ever been anything but. I wondered why it was still there, because pictures of just me usually vanished and got replaced by something else entirely, but then I saw in the corner, almost hidden by the frame, the faintest pink blur of part of my mother’s finger. Is that all it takes? Is one blurry finger worth more than my entire being? I don’t understand what’s going on!

I think… I think I could deal with it easier, if it wasn’t for the fact that everybody seems to think nothing is wrong. If it was just one of those weird things, I think I could live with it if my parents and brother were also with me on it, knowing it was weird, being concerned. I’ve looked everywhere and they’re all gone, all the photos, in every relative’s house and on Facebook. The earliest ones I can find are on my eighteenth birthday party. Everything before that is gone. I don’t remember anything. It’s like I materialised at age eighteen and there was nothing before that; I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I can’t know, because all the steps I took to get here are gone, and everything I learned about my family and friends as I grew up alongside them has vanished. I feel completely… completely detached, completely adrift, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but it just feels like there’s a little less of me every day. It’s like I spent eighteen years building up, and now I’m just… fading away.

I don’t know what to do.

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

This is a fairly straightforward one to follow up. There isn’t really much to say. On the surface it does very much seem like a case for a doctor rather than the Institute, but some things do seem to back up part of the story, at least. Attempts to get in contact with Ms Harper were unsuccessful, as it seems she does not exist. There are a couple of records here and there of a Ms Harper matching the age and occupation that she provided with her statement, but when Tim contacted the workplaces involved, nobody could recall her. As for anything else – records such as a birth or death certificate, a driver’s license – there is nothing. Of course, she could have provided a fake name, but Tim managed to get in touch with George Harper, Ms Harper’s younger brother, and confirmed it was the same George Harper by asking a few questions about his childhood. He recalled several holidays and weddings that Ms Harper mentioned, though he mentioned nothing about a sister. When questioned about siblings, he was adamant he had never had one, and had grown up an only child. I’m not entirely sure how he did it, and nor am I inclined to want to know, but Tim managed to persuade Mr Harper to give him the contact information for his parents. Both stated that they had only one child – a son. The only Jasmine in the family seems to be Mrs Harper’s pet pug dog; apparently, Mrs Harper “always liked the name”, but had never had the chance to use it.

Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be much more we can do regarding this one.

End recording.

[avionvadion]

(Collapses. I did it guys. IT IS DONE. FIVE DAYS! I think.) Chapter 11, chapter 10 mention, to chapter 17. Story:

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115702/chapters/58056064

Chapter 11

"Are you doing well, Irene?" Sango asked, seeing me wince when I sat down. "Does it still hurt?"

"Mostly just my back," I answered truthfully, petting Kirara as she curled in my lap, "but otherwise I'm fine."

Kagome frowned and made her way over. "Let me see." She lifted the back of my shirt up to see the stitches. "They didn't open, which is good. Let me put on some ointment and bandages, that way you can get into the bath and not worry about it getting soaked." She pulled her backpack over and got into her first-aid kit. "I'm surprised you didn't use your Shikigami to heal yourself."

"Frick, I could have, couldn't I?" I exclaimed. I let out a noise, disappointed in myself. "Fun, fun. Well, you guys are already using so much medicine on it- might as well let it heal naturally the rest of the way. Right?"

"That's true." She said. "Still… I don't like how you're always getting injured."

"...I know."

Sango took out a cloth and began to polish her hiraikotsu. "Did something seem weird about those women to you?" She suddenly asked, refusing to look at us. "I have this bad feeling."

Kagome shook her head. "Are you sure it's not just because of Miroku?"

The woman almost dropped her weapon. "Wh-What!? Why bring him up!? That monk has nothing to do with this!" Her face was bright red, the blush all over her cheeks. I stared at her, eyes wide, realizing very quickly that she had a crush on the perverted monk. "I'm just saying something isn't right about these people! They strike me as odd."

"Uh-huh." Kagome clearly didn't believe her. "Sure. I think you're just overreacting Sango. What do you say, Irene?"

"Um…" Frick. How dare she put me in the middle of all this. "I-I'm with Sango on this… sorry. I-I just don't feel…" What was the word for it? Safe. "I dunno. I just don't really trust them?"

"Thank you!" Sango exclaimed. "I'm glad someone is on my side."

Kagome frowned. "That's not fair, Sango. You know I didn't mean it that way..." She pulled my shirt down and stood, walking over to grab the towels Kinu left by the door. "Now- why don't we all calm down by taking a nice relaxing bath? I'm sure it would do us all some good!"

The demon slayer let out a sigh. "I suppose… I'm sorry, Kagome. I shouldn't have snapped."

"Don't worry about it! It's been a rough few days." Kagome looked down at me. "I'll show you what to do in the bath, okay, Irene? You probably aren't used to the ones here in Japan."

I blinked. "Um, okay."

What on earth could be so different about them?

...

As it turned out they were vastly different. Before we could actually get into the bath we had to clean ourselves with a small rag using a cold bucket of water, removing grime and dirt. It reminded me greatly of the public swimming pools back home, though I had only ever went to those when I was little and could actively play around. Towels were allowed, though they couldn't touch the water, and Kagome and Sango tied their hair up.

And the worst part was that we had to bathe together.

I disliked changing in front of others, but that was totally different from being exposed completely. I think the last person who saw me naked was my mother- and that was when I was a little kid and couldn't wash my hair by myself yet. Ick. I feel so gross. I don't like this. Do I have to?

Hot water sounded amazing, but… with others?

Kagome and Sango seemed unbothered by each other's presence and got in the hot spring, relaxing into the water and sighing happily. I hesitated, holding the towel over my form and staring down at the water below. How to do this without revealing myself…? Hmm. Predicaments.

"What's the matter?" Sango asked curiously, seeing the way I was just standing there. "It's only us girls; you don't have to worry about Inuyasha or Miroku walking in. No need to be shy."

"I-I'm not… shy." I awkwardly responded, touching my toe into the water and nearly recoiling at its heat. I was so used to the icy lakes I had been using to clean myself with; it felt so strange against my skin now. The air in the room was so steamy and almost suffocating. "I-I just…"

Kagome blinked, seeming to reach an understanding faster than Sango did as to why I was behaving this way. "Oh, I get it! You're not used to this, are you? Americans do things so differently from us. Want Sango and I to turn away while you get in?"

I looked at her, surprised. "R-Really? Um, please…"

Sango hummed. "Is that what it was? Haha. Don't worry about." She and Kagome turned so their backs were facing me, and with a shaky breath I dropped the towel and slid into the water. "You good?"

Effectively hiding my body from the shoulders down, I let out an informative noise. As they moved and got comfortable, it was then I caught sight of the scar on Sango's back. It was a large, nasty looking piece of flesh. I could only assume it was from the incident… when Kohaku got possessed and killed everyone. Gods, how does she function? She's incredible.

"This is so nice…" Kagome moaned, sinking into the water. "It's been so long."

Seriously? She gets normal baths at home.

Sango just nodded her head. "Agreed. Maybe I was wrong after all… it was so nice of those women to set this up for us."

I remained silent, thinking deeply about everything. This felt so casual, so… normal. It was unnerving. Was it really alright for us to just lounge about in this bath when we could be making our way towards Naraku's castle? What about Maria? Shouldn't there be more that we need to be doing?

"Sometimes you just gotta relax." Kagome commented, stretching her arms out in front of her. "The search for Naraku and the jewels shards can be so harrowing sometimes!"

"...Why don't we talk about something else then?" Sango suggested. "How did your battle with those exams go? Did you defeat them?"

What? Oh my gods, that's adorable. I sat up, looking at the females and fighting a smile. Did she really think exams were demons? I love it.

"Barely." Kagome held her head to side, propping her elbow up on the stone wall and pressing her hand to her cheek. "I studied so much, but then I forgot my notes… my little brother had to deliver them to class for me. It was a nightmare."

"That was nice of him." She said, smiling. "He cares for you. It's something to be grateful for."

"Y-Yeah…" Kagome realized what she said and looked almost guilty, before she quickly turned her head and looked at me. "Anyway! Irene! Tell me; what are things like back where you're from? You're… nineteen, aren't you? Do you have a boyfriend?"

I blinked, sinking back into the water slowly. "No. I don't deal with relationships."

She and Sango both looked shocked. "What, why?"

"Aren't you at least interested in someone?" Sango asked. I shook my head. "How come?"

I shrugged. "I'm just not. You guys are crushing on people though, aren't you?"

"Not me." Sango said, shaking her head. I snorted at that. "What!?"

"Don't you like Miroku?" Her face flared red. Ah, yes. There it is. "Knew it."

"I-I do not like him! I said this before already! A-And if we're talking about who likes who, then what about Kagome? She's clearly in love with Inuyasha!"

"I am not in love with him! I… like him a minimal amount and that's it."

"Suuure."

"Anyway, why are we talking about us? We were talking about you." Kagome exclaimed, facing me. She and Sango were in front of me now, frowning and intent on getting information. What it was, I was uncertain. "Don't you ever want to date someone? Maybe go to the movies or on a walk…?"

I was up to my nose in the water now, attempting to hide from their prying eyes.

"...I like reading stories about it…"

I finally said, lifting my head up out of the water just enough so they could hear me. It was getting a bit harder to breathe in here. I was going to have to get out soon. Still, it felt wonderful to sit in hot water. I missed showers so much. It stung a little at first since it had been a while, but now that my body was adjusted to it my skin was super happy.

"I feel… I feel like being in a relationship would be really stressful." I admitted, recalling all the times the people I spoke to at school had drama with their significant others. Then there were my siblings- who often ended up with abusive people more often than not. Thankfully Maria had landed someone who treated her right after enough trauma, so she was doing pretty good until… well, we were brought here. I don't even think I could handle being in a relationship. "I-I wouldn't… know how to act a-and… I probably wouldn't be able to do half the stuff expected of me."

"Like what?" Sango asked, concerned. "Marriage?"

Marriage often leads to kids. So… yes. That. Kagome's eyes widened. "Oh my god. You've never even been on a date before, have you!?"

"N-No?" Why was I feeling so embarrassed? It was almost as if… I were ashamed of this fact. I wasn't. I was perfectly content being single. So why did I feel so bad about it now? "It's not like I really cared about it before. I turned down anyone who asked."

Sango let out a small gasp, bringing a hand up to her mouth in shock. "So there were people!"

"No! They were all kinda… creepy." I made a face. "I mean, I was flattered but… I just wasn't interested. They weren't my type."

"What's your type then?" Kagome asked, leaning forward and grinning. "Maybe you'll meet someone here!"

Um, no thank you. I scooted away, lifting my arms out of the water and coughing some as I turned around and held onto the side wall. I needed fresh air. It was too hot in here. I can't breathe. My heart rate was starting to pick up, and I was starting to think that being so flustered was making things worse. I avoided conversations like this back in my time, so having it now was really throwing me for a loop. "I-I don't know? Fictional? I can't tell you how many times I had Robin marry Henry from Awakening and Corrin to Subaki in Fates. Gods, I love them. They're so great."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm assuming those are video games. And Irene- those don't count! I'm talking about real people! Flesh and blood!" Kagome exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you like in a guy?"

How does she even know that I'm straight? For all anyone knows I could be bisexual or lesbian. Yeesh. Wait, she's from 1996. A lot of people weren't out and comfortable with their sexuality then, I don't believe… hmm. That explains things. Still, she wasn't wrong. Women were gorgeous, but any crushes I had were on guys. Lame. "Um... I don't know. Lots of sarcasm? I like to banter and joke, so... yeah. Uh… he has to be super smart, too, I guess. Like, this dude has got to be smarter than me."

I really liked people who were intelligent, mainly because I was not. I did not want to deal with another me.

"And..." I remembered some of the people I met back when I was still in school and made a face. "...he better not act like an idiot. Oh, but like- I am an idiot, so he has to be able to tolerate that and my nonsense because I like to talk. A lot. And I can be super slow when it comes to understanding certain stuff, so patience is definitely a thing." My eyebrows knit together at that and leaned my head down against my arms, thinking. This was actually starting to amuse me slightly, imagining a person that couldn't possibly exist. "And, um, he has to be confident, you know? Maybe kinda arrogant, but isn't a jerk about it?"

"Ohh." Kagome giggled. "I see. You like the mature, serious guys."

I choked. I don't know why, but the way she put that had me sputtering like a fool- face completely red. Sango was smiling, amused by all of this. "Y-You make it sound so weird!"

"I think it's cute." Sango said. "It makes sense, too, given your personality."

I slumped my shoulders, chewing on my bottom lip. "My personality…? Is that a bad thing?"

"No. I just mean… oh, how do I put this?" The brunette thought for a moment. "You're really kind, Irene, and you don't really put yourself first. You get along with children really easily because you yourself have a childish part of you. You know when to be serious, but don't know how to act about it. If I have to find a way to describe it, I'd say you prefer a person who's the total opposite of you. Someone who can balance out your recklessness and take charge when needed. A man who... A man who can teach you to be a little selfish from time-to-time, and point out when you're being too selfless."

Ah. Okay. I didn't really agree with the selfless bit, but sure. "That… makes sense." I was surprised they were even taking this so seriously.

My description had been completely hypothetical; no one like that actually existed. They were being ridiculous.

Chapter 10

He caused all of this. My fingers curled into fists and I sat on my knees, glaring at Kagura. She raised an eyebrow at me, intrigued, opening her fan and covering the burnt part of her face. Kohaku's footsteps were heading right at me. He was close. If I didn't do something now I would be brought to Naraku and probably killed, or worse- end up being controlled like Sango's brother. I can't let that happen. I refuse.

Shikigami… A red light shined at my feet and I pushed myself onto my feet, swaying from dizziness. I glared at nothing in the distance, eyes glimmering with rage. ...One more time.

I lifted a hand up, pointing it at the ceiling above Kagura and Kohaku's heads.

ATTACK!

Kagura swung her fan out to the side as soon the fire made contact with the ceiling, rocks crumbling down upon them. "Damn it! So this is what you were plotting!?" Her winds managed to move the rocks just enough to avoid the two of them being crushed, the debris separating us from Kagura and Kohaku as a result. Sango dashed forward, holding her hand out uselessly as she watched them fly away one of the wind sorceress' feathers before they could be completely buried.

"Kohaku!" The female demon slayer cried, eyes red and puffy with tears. Her arm lowered, hand curled against her chest as she lowered her head, voice quiet and shaky. Her lips curled back as she choked down a sob. "No… Kohaku…"

She fell to her knees, bringing her hands to her face. It took all the remaining strength I had to walk over to her, collapsing onto my rear once I was in reach. I was so lightheaded. "S-Sango… are you okay?"

"H-He's gone again…" The woman whispered. "Every time… I fail to stop him. A-And now... Irene, you…"

"...Sorry…"

"No." She shook her head, sniffling and taking a deep breath. Sango raised her head and looked at me. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I… I let you get hurt because of him. There's no excuse. I should be begging you for forgiveness…"

"N-Nothing…" I wheezed, grinning weakly at her. "...to forgive. You… can't fight him. H-He's your brother."

Her eyes widened. She then froze, feeling my arms around her shoulders.

"It's okay… I promise." So please stop crying. I don't like seeing you sad. It hurts. "I'm not mad."

A strangled noise escaped Sango's throat and she wrapped her arms tightly around my back, fingers digging into my kimono, narrowly avoiding my wounds. Her face pressed into my shoulder. She was trembling so badly; I didn't know what to do to make her feel better. So I did the only thing I could and mimicked what Maria did when I was upset, and I ran my fingers lightly up-and-down her back to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," She sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

Chapter 17

I pulled myself into a room, finding black spots dancing in my vision. It was so dark already because it was night and this was just making it worse. I didn't want to find out if I would end up turning into one of them if they scratched or bit me, or ate me alive, but considering what I just wandered into I had a terrible feeling I was about to find out. Dozens upon dozens of undead were wandering the area, turning to look at me with their misshapen and bloody faces. Mouths gaping open, revealing rotten and missing teeth, with fingers and even arms missing from their bodies. Chunks of flesh were gone.

My heart was about to burst out of my chest, though from fright or asphyxiation I wasn't sure. The cat meowed and stared up at me, watching as I hyperventilated and stumbled back. "I-I can't do this… I-I can't…"

Holy mother of all that is good.

Please no.

I began to choke up. There was nowhere to run; I was completely surrounded by them. It wasn't as if I could just turn back either- there were zombies heading this way from that direction too. I could see them coming from the door. My back pressed against the nearest wall, the sob caught in my throat starting to suffocate me. I was so scared. My friends were gone and my worst nightmare has come to life. I couldn't see any escapes either which meant I was about to be turned into their dinner.

Have you ever had terrible thoughts of being eaten alive? Because I have while growing up, constantly traumatized by horror movies, and they were all coming back to me right now and rushing through my mind, all in the most painful and most agonizing ways.

"S-Somebody…" They were so close. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. "P-Please…" My legs gave out and I sunk to the ground, tears blurring my vision. Their cries were filling my ears, the voices of the dead haunting my being and gradually killing me. It was so bad that blood started to pool from my ears, the tears that fell not quite clear as they became tainted with red.

This was all so stupid.

I came all this way to die by these walking dead samurai, who ironically had died trying to help us, and I never even found my sister. What if her corpse was in this castle- what if she was one of them? I can't stand it. I cradled the mask and the calico cat close to my chest, unable to bring myself to look away as the end drew near. There was no way I would survive this time.

"Make it stop. It hurts. I want to die."

I had gotten so lucky in the past because someone would show up- whether it be Inuyasha or Sango, or even Kagome and Miroku. Kirara was missing and it was just me and a random cat, and I didn't have much energy left to use another Shikigami spell. No one could save me this time. Still…

"I-I don't wanna die…" I whimpered, curling into a ball and hugging the cat protectively. My voice was so small and quiet, absolutely trembling with fear. The tears were streaming down my face, burning my skin and staining it crimson. The zombies were inches away, reaching out with their bare hands ready to tear me into shreds. All dignity was long gone. "S-Somebody…!"

This was it. I was going to die.

“I’m sorry.”

But then the pain never came.

Instead I watched as a sword came out of nowhere, slashing at the backs of the undead, sending them falling to the ground with several loud THUDs. The breath I was holding came out in a strangled sob and I blinked rapidly to clear my vision, eyebrows furrowed as I watched someone I've never seen before slash away at the remaining zombies, not so much as sparing me a glance as he did so. Those that were slain had a strange blue light erupt from their bodies and a whisper filled my ears, the voices gradually quieting and causing the pain in my head to dull.